We Might Be Drunk - Ep 160: Happy New Year 2023!

Episode Date: January 1, 2024

2023 was a great year! Huge guests, great episodes, a lot of great laughs. We're so excited to begin 2024 so many great things planned for the next year. Catch Mark and Sam on the road in 2024! Mark Normand: https://marknormandcomedy.com/#schedule!loading Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/ Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Bodega Cat: http://www.bodegacatspirits.com  We Might Be Drunk is produced, recorded and edited by Gotham Production Studios. Head producer: Matthew Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ If you want to start a podcast contact [e-mail] for a discount on services when referred by WMBD!  Support the show &; get 20% off your order at https://www.liquidiv.com with code DRUNK

happy new year for we might be drunk and we're really doing it we had a hell of a holiday season and we're not done yet 2024 sam's behind the bar what should we drink i'm feeling a big fat negroni oh my god it's i was hoping for negroni all right i had one yesterday and i was like fucking my it might be my favorite cocktail at the moment. Wow. Okay, well. How do you feel about a Negron? I love a Negron, but that's a good point, because cocktails go in and out.

Sometimes I'm like, vodka martini, dirty all day. And then I'm like, eh, give me a Manhattan. And then I want a fucking eggnog with bourbon. So who knows? Eggnog is like one day a year for me. One day a year, and you're shitting foam it's a pure miscarriage with that nog so as we know this is one part gin one part vermouth one part easy drink to make good this is when i get my gin intake for the year i'm not a gin guy you know

good gin is fucking good though good gin is good is it monkey 47 or 87 uh-oh throw out that i thought we used a fake one for phil hanley didn't we did because we couldn't find it and we just put the sticker on it isn't that what we did and he was like i've never seen that bottle shape before we're like it's not real you fucking idiot yeah yeah we faked a uh a gin for phil hanley so tell him he didn't notice he didn't notice the difference no everything everybody's full of shit with the liquor i did a taste off with michael We faked a gin for Phil Hanley, so tell him. He didn't notice the difference. No. It was everything.

Everybody's full of shit with the liquor. I did a taste-off with Michael Che once in Grey Goose and Pop-Off vodka, and he couldn't tell the difference. Pop-Off, it is trash, though. It's trash. You don't tell the difference the next morning. That's when you really know. That was the shit I used to drink in college. That was like...

Oh, yeah. When you're suicidal. We used to mix that shit with country time lemonade the powder that's like maybe the worst hangover ever oh you ever make like cheap sangria where you're like oof you do like the uh this is sweet right yeah dude uh you do the this cheap sangria with like all the fucking what was it what was the box wine oh it was franzia franzia you know

sangria means blood isn't that weird that's how hardcore the Hispanics are they're just like yeah we're drinking blood over here is that what they call

periods I'm on my sangria are there the crypts and the sangrias alright all right put a tampon in for garnish bloody mary should do that they got everything else in there okra lemon shrimp celery yeah i don't know about in new orleans away some of these fucking yeah i'll put a stick of bacon in there sometimes new orleans, they put an oyster, crawfish. Gets out of hand.

Oh, we got the big cube. Look at that cube. Oh, I guess it's not a cube. It's a sphere. We got only one left. What do we do for round? We got more in the frill. I love that goddamn ice circle.

That is a beauty. Woo. It's offensive to the Titanic survivors. All right. Iceberg. I always say best Jewish rapper name. Iceberg. Okay.

There we go. Wow. That's a good looking Negron. And that's a single right there. That's an easy one to make. What's it? Gin, vermouth, and Campari? Okay. They have all these weird... Thank Okay. They have all these weird...

Thank you. They have all these weird variations. The Americano, that's like Campari, vermouth, and soda. They got the... What else? Cheers. Well, let's do a toast. It's New Year's, right?

Toast to the New Year. Hey, we never do this. We never get sentimental, even though it's a drinking pod, weirdly. We're good drunks. But another good year? hell yeah they've all been good but everybody does that horse shit where they go 2023 worst year ever hope the next year is better how about you make it better i love what i'm coughing the second i say good year second night the second i toast here i get the fucking whooping cough i get some cholera i get some organ trail illness to kill me

uh damn no but another good year good for we get to work with each other yeah which is like i never thought we'd be able to tour off our drinking that's true hell yeah i thought we'd have to quit at some point but we actually i think we've gotten better we're not like you either become a decent drinker you become a problem right or you have to quit altogether yeah that's a good point we we had a we had a fork in the road of problem and quit and we said ah we'll go down a new path and and just live with it and do do good at it which is what some people say behind the wheel new path yeah we're going through the woods yeah we're going to the playground. Another good year.

And next year's going to be better, I think. We got some shit cooking. Oh, yeah. We'll see. Big things in motion. Wheels are in motion. So this was your best year ever for both of you, right? Career-wise?

Ah, well, the marriage took me down a peg. That was rough. It was tough to lose them, too. Yeah. It was the first year for me in theaters. I think it was your first year in theaters, too, right? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, it was fun.

I'm good. I feel secure. Yes. You know, until the kiddie porn disc comes out, I'm good for a while. I'm cooking for a while. Yeah, I like how it's still on disc. That's a long go. I was younger, too.

That might save you. But, you but yeah no you're right good year netflix netflix my netflix was here before oh okay yeah working on new stuff stuff still still writing you can see the photo there by the way we got a lot of complaints about how we can't the audience can't see the screen so we're sitting there going this and that and this and that and they're like well we don't see what you're seeing okay that's i read the comments oh maybe i'll stop reading them yeah well that's a classic man this is where it started this is actually when you started your pod we went and did this photo shoot oh that's right that's right yeah that was the old pod idea nothing better than a good diner man you get get your eggs you get your call even at night fucking eggs oh

yeah that was the fourth street diner is that what it's called no west force waverly washington washington square oh waverly is two blocks up yeah yeah this is the shittier version is it shittier it's a diner i like it but waverly is a little better quality i'd say can i tell you a peeve already? Out of the gate. Out of the gate. Because I, okay, so I did rush my passport. You know, it's like the website Rush My Passport. So, you know, the plan is to rush the passport. Let me get my passport back. It wasn't going to expire until next November, but I was like, let's get ahead of it.

I might go do some gigs abroad before then. Yeah. So I do rush my passport. I tried to go to the post office first because i'm like fuck it who cares the woman was awesome she she gave me her number she was like here's my number so don't do it yet because i was trying to get it back quickly and i still had to go to canada or something before this she was like i'll give you my number i text her call her i think she gave me a fake number i think i got a bullshit number from her i was like uh you know trying to

call whatever so now i do rush my passport we go to the uh wait where are you going you live in the state the country no according to rush my passport i'm going to mexico that was they were like you should give them a place so they have to really expedite it by december 25th so i had to pretend i was like you ruined my trip to mexico on the phone today i had to pretend because they call me and they go your photo doesn't work. You're ugly. I was like, what do you mean? They're like, we tried.

What the hell does that mean? It doesn't work? Your photo, it's like not our scanners aren't getting your face. We can't recognize your face. And I was like, well, this could be a bit. I was like, well, I sent it already. I send you a picture. And they go, well, we need another one.

And I was like, it's going to be of me again. Same face. Yeah, right. And I shit you not, as I'm on the phone yelling, some guy walks by and he goes, love your shit. And I was like, he recognized my face. She didn't know what I was talking about. Yeah. But I had to go and retake the pictures again today.

And now I'm worried. I'm in a hoodie sweatshirt because I was just on the street. And I'm like, shit, are they going to send it back because I'm in a hoodie? Can you wear a hoodie? The hood wasn't up. No, you're fine.

You're fine. Yeah. I look angry in the picture too. It's not, with these eyebrows, you don't want to look angry in a passport photo. I look cranky. And the turban didn't help. I was shouting praise a lot, but they didn't hear that.

So I think I'm good there. You know what they're going to have in a few years probably? You know you hold down on the live photo? Yeah. Maybe they'll have that on the passport. You hold down, and the guy's just like, ah. That guy's trouble. Right.

Yeah, some license plates have a hologram. So that'd be kind of funny if you could be like holding a beer bottle or something. Like this? Yeah. Well, Rush by Pep, what are you trying to leave no i just want a passport it's for me i did it because i was like it was like a couple hundred extra bucks and i was like it'll just give me peace of mind have it back and you never know like sometimes someone calls up and like hey we got a thing and we got a corporate in canada you know right you never know good point so i just for me it was peace of mind but uh but i

waited till i got back from aust from Australia to really do it. It's just been one thing after another. That kind of shit is my nightmare. Like anything logistical or like government run, shoot me in the dick. I can't handle it. Isn't it weird that government, our government, like go on Yelp or any of them, and it's like 2.3. If it was a restaurant, you would never eat. Oh, 100%.

Our government, it's the worst. They don't pay them enough. They're cranky. They're poorly run. It's amazing that you go to the post office, then you go to the CVS, and you're like, this is good service. Yes, exactly. The CVS compared to the post office ain't bad. I know, because they're paying them.

It's like FedEx versus UPS. It's night and day. You go to the post office or the dmv how sad is the dmv bring a book bring a book bring a cyanide pill because you're gonna want to kill yourself after that dmv this whole thing could be done in two seconds but we got to do the grab a deli ticket wait for your your number you're in there with a crying baby and a meth head it's brutal and that deli ticket really it's got range you're either the dmv or russ and daughters you know it's like you're either about to have the best salmon spread of your life or it's gonna smell like fish

i missed this i missed i kind of i like a guestless episode every once every now and you gotta do it it's like fucking your wife get rid of the the third every now and then you know rarely rarely and every once in a, you bring in a midget. Yeah, that's a two and a half some. Two and a half men. Yeah, man. But that, it drove me nuts. I got a movie rec for you.

I don't know if I've done this. Stop me if I have. Okay. Have you seen the movie A Simple Plan? Yes. Wait a minute. It's a Sam Raimi movie. It's incredible.

Who is that? Michael Douglas? No, it's Bill Paxton, Billy Bob Thornton, Bridget Fonda, some other guy who was great. Boy, that's a 90s cast right there. Dude, it's fucking amazing. All right. It's one of the best movies I've seen in forever. What got you watching that?

I go through like best neo-noir lists online. And I watched another one after this it was also great called um fuck what was it called uh one false move and it's also bill paxton and billy bob thornton from the 90s and it's billy bob wrote it wow it's really good really it's another neo-noir it's violent as shit you know who directed it that guy carl franklin who did um devil in a blue dress oh yeah really cool director like it's it's beautiful shots and uh and cool like just cool looking and and it's cool when you notice the direction but it doesn't take you out of it right right but uh yeah it's great and uh a simple plan is like incredible I love a snowy noir.

Yeah, like Fargo, which might be a year before this. So A Simple Plan is basically two brothers live in the sticks, and they find a crash plane with drug money on it. And how it starts breaking up the family, breaking up the trust between them. And one of the brothers is slow, and something's off about him. It's Billy Bob. He's fucking amazing in it. He had a run of slow characters. That, S you know he wanted i am sam he was like have i not proven myself yeah exactly oh wow look at this is this is uh this is a great premise already it's great and it's you

know what though it's like there's a lot of cliches they could have fallen into with this and they avoid all of them it's like it's unpredictable and it's uh there's just not a misstep like every scene worked and mattered and and the dialogue is so fucking real it's it's just incredible is this the one where billy bob says think bad and bad's what you get i don't remember that line well what's great about these movies is they don't really make these anymore where it's just a movie about a story. Now everything's got to have a message or some kind of virtuous moment, a lesson. This is just like, this crazy thing happened, and it's pretty interesting and entertaining.

I think you'll like it. All Mitch Cox suspense. Yes, yes. And it's like, there's a moral decision. You make usually the bad one, and let's see what happens. You get away with it. Yeah. And it's a decision that makes sense.

It's a decision that you're like, I could see myself doing this. It's relatable. It's so good, dude. It's worth a watch. I'm hooked. I'm going to watch. Also, another rec. I got a double rec for you, motherfuckers.

I read a lot of noir. For somehow, I never read The Black Dahlia until recently. It's incredible. Really? It's so fucking good. I've only seen the movie. True story. I heard the movie sucks.

It was okay. It was Josh Hartnett, right? Yeah, yeah. It's just a weird pick for a hardened PI. He's fine, but it's fucking good, dude. Really? Yeah, Elroy rulesroy rules oh there you go hey there she is dana gould's obsessed with the black dahlia he's obsessed with a lot of the

shit i'm obsessed with like we bond over a lot of he loves elroy he got me to read elroy i photographed elroy really what in the late 90s and he was dropping i don't know if i can say his word the racist words really yeah well you know it was like starts with a j ah yeah yeah old school racist i was like wow because it's like you were born with this and it's just never you never shook it well you had a crazy life i think his mom was killed and they didn't solve the murder. So it's like talk about an origin story for either like a detective or a true crime type writer. Hey, boy, Elroy. Dude, it's so fucking good. I highly recommend.

I mean, any of his shit is pretty cool. Hell yeah. But that's just like pure noir, dude. That's a classic Hollywood starlet who was killed. Yeah. And you know what? It's kind of like that uh i don't want to say revisionist history but i guess it kind of is where it's

like kind of his version of what happened and uh you know it's it's an obviously an unsolved murder yeah this is what he this is his take on it real easy to get away with a murder back in the day you shoot somebody you walk away that's about it you know there's no camera yeah as long as you got a mask on you're good that's why those that's why those books kind of only work in that era because now it's right now you feel like there's gonna be we're like a year away from like the tiktok murderer yeah oh guy's just gonna be like he's like all right you got you looking at this oh shit let me get it focus on us all right yeah pow you know yeah well they had the uh the tupac killer came out on tiktok and he got busted they just got him they just got him because of tiktok he was like yeah i'm the guy who did it it's such a lame ending to one of the most

i mean it's just one of the most famous dudes getting assassinated. Of course. Of course. Although Rock has a bit. They weren't assassinated. He goes. M2N words got shot. That's a great bit. JFK was assassinated. Martin Luther King. Martin Luther King was assassinated.

They got shot. Yeah. That's a great bit. I remember where I was when that Tupac crawl was on the bottom of the MTV screen. Tupac Shakur shot in Vegas. I was in my house in New Orleans in my bedroom with like four guys. We'd just gone skateboarding

and we came back. We're watching skate videos, but we had MTV on in the background and then it just, breaking news, Kurt Loder. Damn. Kurt Loder.

Remember that guy? Oh, yeah. That was old school. Him and who was the other guy? Matt something. Matt Pinfield? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was underage drinking in a bar once and he was in there and he couldn't

have been nicer man he's like hello little boy he was just like fucking i think he was smoking a joint in the bar wow and i was like this dude's fucking insane he was he was just very friendly we were kids i mean why would you want to talk to an underage kid in a bar but he was very friendly yeah well i think i know why he invited me back to his an underage kid in a bar? But he was very friendly. Yeah, well, I think I know why. He invited me back to his place. He gave me a kiss on the neck. It was... No, he was very cool.

He was the heavy metal guy, right? Legendary music deaths. I just heard a story about Kurt Cobain. Ooh. That the trans... He killed himself. You didn't hear? The trans community is trying to claim him.

Huh. Yeah. How so? Because he wore a lot of dresses. Okay, so did Rodman. Skirt Cobain. Hey! That's my Norman.

I love it. That was great. Oh my God, I did a joke in Buffalo this week, and I was riffing with a guy, and this woman tells a story about getting attacked in the crowd. She said,

I got attacked by a guy with clams, you know, like he was throwing clams at me on the bus in Buffalo. Not a happy tale, but she goes,

clams. And some guy yells out, calamity. And I go, easy, Norman. And I killed. It got a big pop. I was like,

the we might be drunkos are out. I didn't mean to cut you off with the trans thing. No, that's all right. Also, in the suicide note, it said, I'm tired of faking it. Oh. Oh, interesting. I think you meant happiness and celebrity.

I thought so, too. Yeah, I think Courtney might have chimed in about that part. Yeah. Damn. I had another, speaking of Norman, I told him earlier, but we were at an airport restaurant, and this Muslim lady kept yelling at the waiter, and my friend goes, she's a real Karen. And I went, she's Muslim. She's more of a Koran.

Ooh, that's good. So, yeah, that was my highlight. That's fucking hilarious. Yeah. Koran. That's good. Try to put that in the act somewhere, but it's not easy. More of a Koran.

No, there's a way to do it Alright Well Speaking of peeves I got a peeve here Please Also Simple Plan Wasn't there a

A Cohen A simple Serious Man No no That was a good movie Serious Man A Simple Death I think it's their first movie

Blood Simple Blood Simple That's a good movie That's what I was thinking Yeah but that was Dan Hedaya Yeah Which guy is that The lead actor No he's a good movie. That's what I was thinking. Yeah, but that was Dan Hedaya. Yeah.

Which guy's that? The lead actor? No, he's a really hairy guy. Oh, okay. Yeah, he was in some stuff. Yeah, he was in a lot of good characters. Man, who else was in that shit? I think that's their first movie. Oh, Chris McDormand's in that.

Yeah. Look at that. Dan Hedaya, jeez. Wow, good pull. I could hang in movie pong. Emmett Walsh, that's the guy. He's great in everything. He's always great.

He's in The Jerk. He's in Talking About Shit You Can't Do Today. Holy shit. A lot of scenes in that movie you ain't pulling off anymore. A lot of N-word. But goddamn, it works in the movie. Emmett Walsh, he's still alive, isn't he? Oh, yeah.

Wow. He has not looked well in at least 40 years. That's true. He's a great character. born in 35 wow what else is he in he's in like so much shit holy shit 35 like a lot of classics he's so funny in the jerk yeah jerk i watched that two weeks ago still fucking guys still funny so good so good Just a poor black boy. Blade Runner, it says. Okay, there you go.

Blood Simple is fucking great. Coen Brothers are legends. Yeah, we need a new one, Coens. Come on. One of them's done, right? What? Why? I don't know.

He's just retired. All right, Peeve. Now, this is not as good as the the the passport one but just throwing it out there you ever get the guy who apologizes for something but keeps doing it oh yeah so i had the guy on a plane i'm sitting on a plane a guy goes hey you know fan whatever i listen to this i go great i appreciate it hell yeah we got a photo on the on the plane he's on the other aisle i'm in the row one row there's an aisle than him and he goes sorry to keep bugging you man but and then he's like sorry about bugging you but and you're like

you're not sorry that's what pisses me off you're not sorry because you can't just apologize and then do the thing you know you keep doing it after the apology it doesn't the apology is meaningless now yeah because you're still just doing the same thing if you were actually sorry you'd be like i gotta stop doing that yeah you gotta say i'm sorry i can't stop doing this but i guess so but yeah he just doesn't care he doesn't care yeah and uh it just killed me because he kept apologizing the problem is you gotta go no it's okay it's okay and then he kept apologizing. The problem is you got to go, no, it's okay, it's okay and then he would do the thing. So he gets you with the apology

because then you go, no, it's all good and then he kept doubling down. Horrible people should do that. You're just like a mugger and you're like, I'm so sorry to do this but I'm going to rob you again.

I'm sorry. I missed something. Give me the watch too. In your pocketbook, yeah. The English do that. They're like, I feel terrible but you're a cunt it's like why is he sorry yeah yeah you called me a cunt own it yeah that's uh yeah that's that's

a reasonable p of the okay the repeat offender yes with the sorry yeah i'm okay with you if you just keep offending whatever but the repeat like if he kept talking to me i'll i'm fine with it i want to talk to the guy whatever but the sorry was killing me well the manners are not sincere to you yes well they're not sincere in general that's why it bothers you exactly and then another peeve is do you have a friend who can't articulate so everything is called a thing he was like oh man i was in the thing earlier and i'm like what what thing and he's like you know the uh and i was like the cab the uber uber okay well you said thing i don't know what thing is and he's like and then i you know i the, I was like, the cab, the Uber, Uber. Okay, well, you said thing. I don't know what thing is.

And he's like, and then I, you know, I had to get my wife to sign the thing. And I'm like, what, sign what? He's like, you know, the divorce paper. Fucking Mad Libs asshole over here. Yeah. Divorce paper? You called it a thing? Like, you got to come up with your shit before you even start talking.

So then I'm holding the thing, and you're like, the machete? He's like, yeah, and I'm trying to kill her. Give it to me. You need, you got to, you got to come up with the words before you start telling these crazy stories yeah that bugs me too oh man seinfeld has that great bit you know the bit i'm talking about where it's a thing and uh no seinfeld has a bit i love where he goes uh what was i saying he goes oh so you weren't paying attention either it's a great it's like the most concise way to make a point. That's great. Great. But he's so good at those little, he's got that one.

He's like, if you see Bob, tell him I said hello. It's like, well, what am I, a messenger in the middle ages? Hello from Dave. That's the scroll. Yeah. I think Demetri had a bit like that too, where he's like in the age of text, you need me to ask, act as a messenger. Is that Seinfeld? No, that's, that's not him.

You know, it's also, uh, Jerry's just in like a constant that seinfeld no that's that's not him you know it's also uh jerry's just in like a constant state of irritation and that's right it's like no matter how rich he is he's i just watched the episode of louis he's in it's such a good app oh i don't remember the country club episode louis does the hamptons gig and and he eats shit and jerry then goes up and trashes them it's like a classic i don't remember that oh it's it's one of the best episodes of louis really yeah and uh it's just hilarious like he goes up eat shit lou he shows up dressed like crap and jerry's in a tuxedo right oh come on like really country club yeah benefit oh yeah and then louis walks in and shit. They put a security guard blazer on him. So then Jerry goes on, he goes,

well, that was the worst thing I've ever seen. Like, just completely turns on him. Oh. You know what? It's a great app. No, sorry. What's so crazy about the old Louie and Jerry stuff is Louie opened for Jerry in the 80s in Boston. And Louie was like, you know, a year in or whatever,

and Jerry was like this big comic. And they were at some banquet hall. It's a bunch of Boston townies, shit-faced, rowdy. The room's half full. And Louie goes, well, maybe we should start at like 8.30 because it's 8 o'clock now, and the room's half full, and I'm opening. And Jerry goes, no, no, we're starting on time.

And he's like, well, there's no one here. He's like, that's why you're the opener and louie was like jesus christ and he never forgot it wow well i guess that's i mean i wouldn't do that to someone opening to me personally but uh yeah that's because we bring our buddies to open yeah i don't want gary eating shit in that spot right also it kind of affects your set too yeah that's what i thought but i think he was just like no no i'm a professional. So you got to be a professional. Jerry's a stickler.

He's a stickler. Everything has to be organized and to his, you know, whatever he finds to deem acceptable. But it has to be, I feel like that's part of the irritation. Yeah, 100%. If anything breaks from what he thinks is the schedule, he's like, no. Exactly. And people go like well fuck that i would never and you're like well then don't work with him yeah i'm willing to deal with that i'll work with him it's his show i don't know if it was my show he would i feel like he would succumb

to your dictatorship i start shows late all the time i shouldn't even say that because people show up even later but like well you want a full room you want a full room and i mean goddamn some cities like miami can you show up not 30 minutes it's like the worst for baltimore reality baltimore's bad too oh they start late we did the lyric and it was whoo here we go well maybe we'll go 7 15 i may go 720 i mean we just kept pushing was the lyric fun killer beautiful right beautiful room yeah great room great town baltimore downtown is stunning yeah it's beautiful on the water two room. Yeah, great room. Great town. Baltimore downtown is stunning. Yeah, it's beautiful on the water.

You go two inches out and you're in the wire. It's also those weird walkways. One misstep, you fall in the water, you're a fucking icicle. Yeah. Everyone talks about the crime there, but I'm like, you could just die a dumb death. That's true. Yeah, you're eating a crab cake. You're like, is that Sam?

All right, what do you got? You got the Jerry scene? Oh, I don't think so. I have something. I fucking cock-teased Google boy over here. What the? I don't know. No, this is the benefit.

Oh, that's not it. I might have to re-watch Louie. Oh, it's so good, man. That David Lynch arc is so good. Oh, that was great. When he's trying to host something. Man, it's killer. I re-watch it. And I feel like I rewatch it all the time,

just because it's also like my kind of New York. Yes. I just love how he shoots New York. The way he does it, the construction guys, not just banging on his window, but then they're in his apartment just hitting him. That's very Woody Allen, too. I love that.

Yeah. You know, Louie drove a motorcycle around Manhattan and then got hit by a car? apart yeah just like hitting him it's like that's very woody allen too i love that yeah uh you know louis was uh drove a motorcycle around manhattan and then got hit by a car recently no no no uh back when he was like doing sets no no yeah it's in the show he did something like that i know that was real oh yeah true story yeah i haven't seen him around in a while well he's our neighbor taking a year off i saw him about i saw Flower Moon with him. Oh, nice. And then I walked home and I saw him with a pretty hot lady. Oh, wait, wait. I saw him on the street.

Oh, I thought you went to go see it with him. No, I saw it with him. Oh, okay. The Coos. Let me run. I got some bit ideas, too. All right. Going right in.

By the way, I saw The Holdovers. I heard it's great. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it, too. Why do you say it like that? Because we have some cunty friends who like to poo-poo every goddamn piece of art. Basically. Ronan said he liked it.

I know, Ronan. And then he came to me apologetic for liking it, too. And I was like, what is Liz doing to people? Well, it is a little, I don't want to say sappy, but it's a very emotionally huggy-feely kind of tearjerker. Alexander Payne's a fucking legend. Legend. I think he's one of the best ever. I love that line.

I don't want to give too much away, but they go into the city. It's like a Catholic, what do you call it, like a private school. Private school kid. They go into the city, and he gets into it with a townie in a bar, and they go, What's up, fancy boy? And he goes back to Paul Giamatti. He goes, We got to get out of here. These guys just called me fancy some great lines in it i mean it's really funny it's it's it's super sad like so buckle up it's one of those where you're like all right pain take it easy

because at least sideways had more comedy than than sadness yeah and election election was awesome election is one of the funniest movies i've ever seen but it's good i like it but it's it's a tearjerker okay i'm gonna check it out yeah all right i'm trying to think what else so that's is that a rat is it a wreck i'm wrecking it we just need some movies out you know we got uh napoleon to shit the bed did you i saw shane tweeted he loved it was he being was he drunk i talked to him about it i think we both like i still enjoyed it just because it's such an epic do you see it with him no i didn't he's he's in texas i saw it here but it's still an epic and you're like oh my god it's still

joaquin it's still ridley scott so it's still a sight a feast for the senses but i just as a story it didn't come together he's such a history cunt that like he can't look at something and be like why is joaquin phoenix speaking in an american accent like i'm sure that bothered him bothered who shane he said shane loved it he liked it he liked it he liked it but it's got a lot of inaccuracies it's historically wrong in a lot of ways they added a bunch of shit but also really scott's like 86 yeah yeah exactly it's weird to make a big-scale epic when you're like 86. Out there in the snow with cannons and cannonballs and muskets and shit. I mean, he's older than Biden, and he's out there directing.

That's pretty good. And Biden's in the shit, too. He's visiting Israel. Well, much like Europe, they both fell. All right. What about... Is it like entertaining? Which one? Napoleon?

Biden's fault. That's entertaining. Hunter Biden's the most entertaining. No, Napoleon. Is it an entertaining movie? I loved it. I was on the edge of my seat. I saw it alone in the theater, in the big screen. On the road uh yeah dude it's uh it's one of the things we're like has there

been a big napoleon movie before he's such a great character there was one in like 1917 it's called napoleon 17 1917 i mean look it up no there's a later one than that i think there's a 70s so they do one every every hundred years or so i mean that sounds like it what what was that movie i saw with me and the wife saw a movie and it sucked what oh what the hell did we go see oh oh thanksgiving what's that that's the one with tim dillon no offense tim's great and as he he got some laughs out of the the audience in the in the room but it's like a horror movie, right? Yeah, it's just, you know. I'm not a big horror guy. I'm not either. There's no development.

There's no characters. There's no nothing. I know, but it's cool that Tim got like a comic role in a horror flick. He killed it. Killed it, and they cut his head off. I feel like Tim could be like a big actor. Oh, yeah.

He's so fucking funny. You watch him on screen, you're like, he belongs there. There was no hesitation. Oh, nice. A genuine sensation. It was in 19 screen, you're like, he belongs there. There was no hesitation. Oh, nice. A genuine sensation. Napoleon in 1927, sorry. 27, okay, still.

So it's a silent film, I'm guessing. Whoa. It actually looks kind of cool from back then. Great. And that looks more like Napoleon than Joaquin does. True. Ooh, we got a Brownlow restoration. Wow, look at that.

It is amazing that you can, I mean, but it is also amazing to think of what movies were just like 10 years after this, right? I know. Like Philadelphia Story is what, like 39? That's a decade after this. Right? I mean, it's amazing. Wow, this is incredible. I mean, this is back in this shit. Yeah.

It's also amazing when you think of these movies like from the old school, like Battleship Patinkin. Yeah. yeah it's also amazing when you think of these movies like from the old school like battleship patenkin yeah the influence they have we're like okay the untouchable still wants to fucking rip off a scene in that right now it's like you can take influence from this stuff but some of them are hard to watch so you try to watch a 20s movie if it's not like chaplin or buster keaton being like just fall down funny some of them are tough like it'd be hard to sit through a silent film totally but for scorsese this is like watching prior or something you know it's like watching old dabba de costello or something but fritz lang made like metropolis and then he made like the fucking big heat which one would you rather watch yeah right i mean it's like a badass cop movie or just a silent, you know.

True, true. Damn, I had something. I lost it. You threw me off with that. We're fucking movie nerds. I got it back. Pull this up. Hit me.

Speaking of Scorsese, you know the hot lady in Christmas Vacation that's at the mall who lifts her skirt up? Yeah. You know who I'm talking about? The brunette? I don't. Like, I remember it a little, but I don't know. I can't place who lifts her skirt up. Yeah. You know who I'm talking about? The brunette? I remember it a little, but I don't know. I can't place her face. Pull up, hot lady at the department store. Should we do another drink?

Yes. Christmas vacation. What are we drinking this round? Same drink? I'd like another Negron. All right. Can you get us more ice, Matt? Sorry, Matt.

Yeah, that lady. We just need one more cube. Her. Salakis, do you not want a drink? I'll take one. All right, so let's do two more cubes do you remember her this hot lady no you don't remember her and i'm sorry for not offering before just you never drink but i figure it's a special occasion she was the lingerie girl yeah that's a scorsese she is 70 years old today that's this woman yeah yeah, what are you talking about? This woman in Christmas Vacation

who I had a huge crush on as a kid. And she's what Scorsese? I think she's related to Martin. Oh my God. I don't know. Damn, she's hot, dude. Oh, she's super hot. You can see the Italian on her mug there.

For sure. But she lifts her skirt up. It was super hot. He goes crazy. She looks like a Honey Bae Tam But she's hot Yeah That was the 80s

She was a fucking piece Basic instinct Really? For years For decades Isn't it weird When you're like Check out my girlfriend

And it's just like Your fucking mom Isn't that weird When you just pick someone Who looks exactly like Everyone you've seen Yeah I've done it

There's a lot of that You see like Happy Father's Day And every girl They post their dad, and they all look like their boyfriend. Oh, dude, I remember, I used to do a bit about this, about how, like... I don't like the team Triple Harn. What?

I don't find her attractive. It's not her. Oh, she, back in the day, she was a piece, dude. Oh, okay. But I used to have a bit about this, like, you bring a woman home, it looks exactly like your mom, and your mom's like, I don't like her, and your dad's like, I think she's great. And it's your mom, you're like, yeah, of course i don't like her and your dad's like i think she's great and it's your mom you're like yeah of course you don't like her she's you right i feel like my dad would go the other way i don't like her he's sick of my mom but yeah i'm telling you that girl's a scorsese and she's 70 today he also dated iliana douglas okay she was she was great she's always great uh great cape

fear she uh oh dude that fucking rape scene jesus crazy isn't it weird to be dating someone and then be like you're gonna get raped by robert de niro i mean that's fucking weird that is weird do we have an extra glass too here take mine oh mine. Oh yeah, oh there we go. You're the best, Matt. Thank you, bro. Matt, do you want a drink? I mean, what are we doing here? Are you sure?

You never touch them, Peters. It's New Year's. Whoa! That'd be great if Peters was just on drugs this entire time. Yeah, he's on acid. He thinks this is RU Garbage. By the way, I fucked up the name Ileana Douglas and I'm standing by my thought though. Look at these pictures.

They look alike. Scorsese's sister. Is that his sister though? I don't know. Fresh Cube? I think we go Fresh Cube. Gotta go Fresh Cube. Ice Cube. Salad Cube. Gleaming the cube.

You have to name check yourself. Cubic zirconium. Put Scorsese Gleaming the cube. You can get the name check yourself. Cubic zirconium. All right. But Scorsese, Vegas, or Christmas Vacation, Hot Lady. I don't know. Nice lady. Nicolette. Nicolette Scorsese. That's a hot name.

Nicolette Sheridan. Ooh, she was hot. Oh, yeah. But yeah, all right. Second Negroni. You got spots tonight? Three. Yeah, I got a few.

How about you? I got four. Yeah, Liz is not going to be happy with me. No, I think I'm... Somebody cancel because I got a few of hers. Really? I got one of hers, too. 910?

Yeah. Yeah, that's the one I couldn't do. Oh, nice. There you go. I had two already it fit perfect i think i'm like 8 20 8 50 and 9 10 i'm like talking about a perfect night are you 8 20 at the the olive tree i don't know okay i'm 8 10 at the olive tree well i think we're back to back jacks baby there you go knob lock let's do it listen to this run by uh our scorsese lady

nicolette nicolette no no wait uh yeah Nicolette Scorsese dated Antonio Sabato Jr. Wow. And then Sean Penn. Wow. I bet he'd be a fucking annoying boyfriend. Oh, yeah. Like passionate, intense. Hate that.

I gotta go down to New Orleans and sit in a canoe and shoot people, you know, with my shotgun. Oh, you think that's bad? I'm going to Venezuela this week. Yeah. What next week ukraine yeah after that i'm gonna chill in gaza for a little right right then i gotta go meet the

cartel in mexico i think he actually did meet that guy but yes yeah al chapo chapo that's how they got chapo no way get out of here yes what they uh he gave his location away in the sean penn interview whoa that's hilarious you think like in a moment you're like i get to meet sean penn that just ruins your life i am sam you fucked me sean penn fucking that guy you know what he needs to do is a comedy yeah episode i'm taking myself so seriously we'll do a comedy well he started with uh spikowski or whatever spicoli i mean a new comedy yeah because clearly he can do comedy i know he's he's a talent i mean he could do a tard a pothead a bad guy a good guy tough guy tough guy naming people a target just pointing at things I see it's like when

you're on the phone you're like oh I gotta go bodega cat's in the room bye bodega cat I feel like we're making progress dude I got hit up by

a distributor also so I set up a meeting we're fucking rocking dude it's gonna happen we'll knock that out I'll tell you we're alright you know oh yeah

I'll tell you you know you have a drinking problem when you find an olive knock that out. I'll tell you, we're all right, you know? Oh, yeah. I'll tell you. You know, you have a drinking problem when you find an olive in your urine sample. I'll tell you. I can't stop thinking about that Dangerfield thing you told me about, how he didn't go on Rogan in the 70s and talk about Netanyahu. I'll tell you about Nixon. Yeah, yeah, that was it. This guy's a crook, all right?

I've been throwing that around all over Nixon. Yeah, yeah, that was it. This guy's a crooker, right? I've been throwing that around all over town. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's just different times, man. Yeah, yeah. Well, luckily I'm an idiot. I'm working on a bit about how George Santos is actually Santa. So that's the surface level of politics I keep it at. 2024 is going to stink.

I hate when people do the year thing you know what i hate well when people say that like next year this is a bad year next year's gonna be bad that's what you're saying or next year's gonna be great or next year's gonna be bad it's like says who you can't just throw out people i'll give that to is people who've had a particularly bad year the people like i need a good year next year right i'll give it to those people where they're like it's like a coping mechanism. Yeah, they're like, I got diagnosed with feline AIDS in 2022.

That was a bad year. Like, all right, I'll give you that. I told you that in confidence. It's a little rude. I'll tell you what I hated when people were like, like Prince dies

and they're like, fucking 2019 sucks. Yeah, the year did. Yes. Yeah, the year. Yes, exactly. Exactly. God got off the phone

with the year and he's like, you got this one? I know. Also, the year. Yes, exactly, exactly. God got off the phone with the year, and he's like, you got this one? I know. Also, 2019, looking back, pretty good year. No pandemic, no riots, good times. That smells good. Ooh, look at you having a cocktail, Dad.

There you go. Well, it's Friday. All right. There you go. Okay. What are you guys doing for the holiday? You going to stay in the city, I guess? I don't have real plans.

Yeah. For me, a vacation is not leaving my apartment. That's nice. That's all I want. I don't want to get in a flight. I don't do shit. I want to see some good movies in the theater. And man, my favorite thing to do this time of year, like, fucking It's a Wonderful Life at IFC.

Like, shit like that. I did that last year. Oh, you know what? I got a fucking holiday wreck, and the holidays are over by the time this comes out, unfortunately. But, like, you know what's a good, not good movie, but I fucking love it? Jingle All the Way. Never seen it. Dude.

Sinbad's in that, I think. Sinbad's incredible. Wow, okay. It's about an action figure? Is it a great movie? I don't know, I think. Sinbad's incredible. Wow, okay. It's about an action figure? Is it a great movie? No, but I fucking, it's like a weird, like, it's like a weird. Comfort movie? I was texting with Mike Lawrence, our buddy Mike Lawrence, and he, like, loves this movie.

And I'm like, I fucking love that movie. Hell yeah. All right. It's absurd. It's such a simple premise. The dad fucks, it's so relatable. The dad fucks up. He didn't get the kid's toy in time.

And Rita Wilson back in this time Dime piece Phil Hartman Incredible You've seen it right It's a fun movie right This is a 96 And the kid's adorable Classic Schwarzenegger

Yeah 96 wow She was a piece, dude. Oh, yeah, she was cute. Yeah, it's all bass. Fucking Phil Hartman kills it. Yeah. There's a Chris Parnell cameo.

Wow. Sinbad is great. Oh, he's a mailman. And so is... It's so simple and stupid, but it's like a calming movie. Yeah. I'll tell you, next movie we write, Christmas movie. Really?

Well, they kill it. They all kill it. And it plays every year. It plays every year. You know, like this Eddie Murphy one, I haven't seen a lick of it, but it's doing crazy numbers. People need it. Obviously, Eddie Murphy. It's like a comfort thing. Yeah, it is.

And you need something to watch. You're with your dumb family. You hate each other. You gotta put something on. It's like the Super Bowl. It's a day you know you will hopefully get peace. Yes, you do a classic clean comedy. I mean, we put on Love Actually every goddamn year, and I want to

blow my brains out. I don't like Kurt Cobain. There's like the christmas classics like the obvious ones like it's a wonderful life the great ones but like bad santa and jingle all the way that's my rotation i always watch those they're crazy about bad santa's he fucks her in the ass that's what's great about bad so they they go what they could have just had public sex, but he has to go, now let's fuck her in the ass. It's even naughtier. Yeah, he's a bad guy. Yeah, he's a bad Santa. He enjoyed that it hurt her.

Yeah. He was not a good man. Plus that little person's great. And fucking Bernie Mac and Ritter, man. John Ritter, RIP. Hell yeah. Man, we just devolve into movie talk constantly on this podcast. I know.

You throw a midget in, you can't lose. That fat kid was great with the fucking curly blonde hair. That face. You're like, can't. Let me try a bit on you. All right. This might be terrible, this bit. Okay, well.

All right. This could be a bad. We might have to cut this one. Oh, I can't wait. The hostages. This is my angle. It must suck to be one of the ones that doesn't get picked. We're probably five years away from that being a reality show.

You know what I mean? We have love is blind. We don't have hate is blind. Oh, yeah. The contestants are blindfolded. Who knows who gets picked? No rhyme or reason. We just know it won't be a man. Yeah. Is there something? It's nothing. I love the hostage reality show, I think, is great.

That might be something. Maybe something with Squid Game. Something like that. Let's go to a different one. I like the reality show, I think, is great. That might be something. Maybe something with Squid Game, something like that. Let's go to a different one. All right, but I like the reality show. So I saw a dog barking like crazy at a white guy in the street, and this black guy yells out, yeah, that's right, fuck white people. And I was like, I'm no psychologist. This might be a projection. I don't know if that's what the dog was saying for sure.

Right. And I think the angle was maybe like, all right, two could play at this game. I walked up to a pigeon. I was like, what was that girl? All Lives Matter? Wow. Something like that. Yeah.

Maybe a white dove. A white dove? Yeah. A white dove might be better. But yeah, that's funny. There's something there. You could just make the animal say whatever you think. Also, that's what a fucking, what's that guy's name?

Son of Sam did. Oh, yeah. The dog told me to kill him. Like, oh, that's convenient a fucking what's that guy's name son of sam did oh yeah the dog told me to kill him like oh that's convenient racine had that funny joke who's not gonna listen to a talking who's not gonna listen to a talking dog oh it's a great turn i didn't see that coming at all what do you got you got some bits i got bits baby do some holiday bits all right has this been done uh i always me and the lady we got to eat a lot you know as you do as a couple and i always like to yelp the restaurant just like oh let's see what we got here and they're always crazy the reviews are never helpful it's always like a just a bipolar person venting but i thought wouldn't it be great if there was yelp for people you know like uh you know your friends like you

gotta meet josh you would love josh and i'm like, let me read some reviews on Josh. Or you can go further with it. Like if you have sex with a girl and take her virginity, you just write first. That's funny. Something like, so the joke would be just all the examples. That line is definitely a laugh. Yeah, that hits. I guess there's Yelp for people, but it's just famous people.

Those are the ones who know where they see. Like Wikipedia? People are like, fuck that guy. Yeah, that hits. I guess there's Yelp for people, but it's just famous people. Those are the ones who know where they... Like Wikipedia? Because people are like, fuck that guy. Oh, yeah. Like, publicly. Right. I guess that's kind of what Reddit is already. But there's no scores.

I like the idea that there's a score. Yeah, because we get rated on Uber. We get rated on, like, Grubhub or whatever. But it'd be nice if there was just a Yelp for people. It would get ugly, obviously. It'd be nice to be on a dating app and you're like 3.1 you're like but she is hot oh maybe that's the angle you could rate on a dating app yeah maybe that's i like the idea that you like someone has a score because you have an uber score yeah this is more important i'm spending the whole night with you this is is a social score. Uber's 20 minutes.

Right. I might date you. So I'd like to know what I'm dealing with here. Yeah, like the Uber's like, this guy might kill me. So could they. Yeah. It's all fucking night. You treat each other a lot better if you're like, I don't want to hurt my rating.

Okay. She's about to slash your tires. I don't want to hurt my rating. That's good. That's a good line. Okay. Maybe that's something. It's a nightmare episode. Oh, you're right. There's about to slash your tires. I don't want to hurt my rating. That's good. That's a good line. Okay, maybe that's something. It's a Black Mirror episode. Oh, you're right.

There's an episode of that? Fuck. We just came up with a thing that's already been done. Sorry, Black Mirror. I've seen like one episode. I think I watched the episode where the... It's a pretty good show. I watched the one where the guy fucks the pig.

Oh, that's a great episode. It was good. I just never... It's not my genre, but it was well done. I liked it. All right, how about this? How about a building

where you can rent books for free? That's the joke. It was a Black Mirror episode. How about that? What else you got? Okay, all right, all right. Maybe that was, that's a little high concept.

All right, how about this? That's a good Black Mirror idea. We just came up with a great idea that Dave already beat us to. Okay, okay. How about this? How about this? So I was hanging out with my buddy. We're going out to get some food.

And I go, what do you want to get, pizza? And he goes, I had pizza last night. I was like, but you're obsessed with pizza. And he goes, I can't have pizza two nights in a row. And I said, well, don't get married. That's what marriage is, eating pizza every night for the rest of your life. And I'll tell you, if you had to eat pizza every night for the rest of your life,

you get creative. Some nights you're like, I'll eat it from the back. Then you're like, I got thin crust at home, but sometimes I pretend it's a deep dish or whatever. I'm just trying to think of other pizza-related sexual innuendos. Yeah, sometimes I'm in a bad mood. I put it in the fridge. Yeah, I eat it in the morning.

Yeah, eating in the morning is good. I had a line where I'm like, I saw a good-looking taco earlier, so when I got home, I folded the pizza, pretended it was that taco. That's great. Eh, it doesn't really hit. I think it's funny. I think it needs a better way to say it but yeah yeah man it's like sometimes it's tough it's funny because it like takes what you loved about pizza and now it ruined it because it's so common it's like i

used to fucking love pizza it was like it was my favorite thing but now that i have it every day i'm just like that pizza is not that special to me anymore. Right. Now you're like, you look at Pad Thai, you're like, I would fucking kill. I know. I would murder someone for a piece of Pad Thai. Yeah. I would fucking.

I'd murder someone for a meatloaf. You know, I'll take anything. It just sucks. Like, what kind of food would let you not enjoy other food? You know what I mean? That's a good point. You're denying me the pleasure of just adventure. would let you not enjoy other food you know what i mean that's a good point you're like you're denying me the pleasure of just adventure yeah it's crazy it's a crazy concept marriage

yeah but uh you see her looking at soul food you're like you fucking oh that's a good way to go with it that's good she's looking at a kielbasa i'm like whoa wait a minute all right i love pizza like that's a little big isn't it she's like i think it would fit nicely yeah she's like why don't we put it on the pizza i'm like no no no all right all right there's something there now we're talking i'll tell you yeah what do i got um that's a good way to go with it what does she want to eat is this funny i was watching um i was watching that movie the age of innocence the scorsese movie you know with daniel day lewis it's like classic old-timey tale of repression i think one of the angles is like first of all like they're at these it was like very classy to have bad seats at the opera you're like in the wings yeah you're in the wings

with those like fancy opera glasses like yes okay you know but like think about that now you go to a sporting event you're in like the about that now you go to a sporting event you're in like the nosebleeds with binoculars like oh yeah it's a nice rushing play you know something like that or something like that that was one angle maybe that's nothing the other angle was uh because it was like being close to the action was bad right you wanted to be in a private booth oh good point yeah that's nothing here's the other angle how they were so repressed they'd go their whole lifetime just not acting on in their on their urges yeah right but now you think of people now what's the number one porn category stepmom yeah maybe maybe there's a

middle ground right maybe there's somewhere in the middle right you know between you know never doing what you wanted and fucking someone in your family yeah true you know true i don't know huh well something funny about those damn binoculars does they're like less creed like if you got caught doing a peeping tom with those you're like well at least he was classy yeah that's true like some guys in a tree with that shit you're still like ah you know he's cultured and he's far away and in the top of the tree yeah he's got box seats to my bedroom yeah huh maybe there's this i think the stepmom thing is something the stepmom thing is something i don't know with this we need a middle ground from like not having sex till you're 40 to fucking your family member gotta be something

in the middle there. Maybe combine them. All right. Let me try one more. All right. I'm going into a building, this building, actually. It happened here. And the security guard stops me.

He's like, hey, hold on. What floor? And I was like 16. He's like, go ahead. I'm like, that's it? That's the security? I had to guess the floor in the building. I could have nailed

that yeah right i just guess if look i like that the security is doing the same job as a porno site oh yes i'm 18 go right ahead something there maybe i don't know yeah there's something there have you read all the uh what is it do you agree to all the you know the bullshit yeah that's it terms and conditions that's what uh pat dixon had that old joke about the bible it's like yeah you like the bible sure terms and conditions check i agree with everything b never actually read it what do you got um there's something there too like imagine if women did that uh all right how about this yeah uh well somebody had that joke where like they walk they go on a date with a girl they

walk her to the door and she's like you're not gonna rape me are you and he's like no she's like all right come on that was me was that you okay you're not gonna kill you're not gonna kill me are you i said no she goes all right let's go back to you that's a good joke and i go that's your screening process that was it if i'm gonna murder you you just asked me like there you go see yeah i guess i'm retreading my own shit yeah but this could go a different way maybe don't bring women in that's a similar you do a certain point in comedy where you just start ripping off yourself oh i've been there yeah yeah all right i'm like puerto rican there's more meat on this bone let me revisit this um

all right so uh you know what's great about being married is my wife is very nice. Like, comedy will get you down. You can't find a new bit. You're traveling. You're run down. You're beat. And she's like, hey, I get it. But you got to stop worrying about the destination.

The journey is amazing. It's all about the journey. The struggle is part of the fun. That's what life's about. And I go, that's a good point. And I always remind her of that when she can't have an orgasm you know i'm down there she's like what the hell are you doing and i'm like it's about the journey you know the struggle is part of the fun but i can't i need a turn so all that hits i just got no ending yeah that's all good

unless you're trying to come basically right right no one no one uh yeah no one's looking for fulfillment in bed yeah we all talk shit about this journey this magical you know it's all about going for it and don't worry about the goal it's about this part but when it comes to orgasming it's like all about the destination yeah that's something funny there is like it's not um i think it could be funnier if you're just like uh she's like jesus christ what the hell and you're like it's a wild ride we're on you know yeah don't expect it to end today this is like a 30 year thing right right yeah yeah it's just like we're in for the long haul yeah Yeah, it's about.

You know, she's telling her girlfriends, like, I just, I never finish in bed. And, you know, I'm like, well, maybe your friends are like, yeah, well, that's the Buddhist way or something. Yeah, less is more. Yeah. Yeah, the Lao Tzu. Maybe that's the angle. Like, no one wants to hear philosophical quotes in bed. You know, like, boy, you got a small dick.

Less is more. Right, right. Or like, well, I just want a bigger dick. Well, it's not about desires or bad, you know, or something. That's interesting. Yeah, like, for career, it's one thing. But in bed, you just want to come. Yeah, it's primal.

It's like, hey, you got to get this done. In in bed is all about results you know with that's a good line results yeah philosophy is all about like the bigger picture and the now and whatever but it's not like you're gonna be on podcast talking about the road to making your girlfriend come but you will be talking about like the road to where you got as a comedian right like that's an inspiring tale no one wants to be like there i was trying to make her come 10 years later i made it happen right right well because sex is supposed to be a finite amount of time whereas like as you know career and life it's kind of this open-ended thing well it's like soccer versus basketball you know like basketball there's a it's kind of this open-ended thing. Well, it's like soccer versus basketball. You know, like basketball, there's a lot of scoring.

There should be a lot of points on the board. Right. Soccer, not a lot of scoring, but when it does, it really counts. Basketball is good. Take it to the hole. Yeah. It's all about taking it to the hole, where soccer is all about, you know, passing and relationships with the teammates. Patience.

Patience. Okay. This is something. Patience. Patience. Okay, this is something. Attacking, picking your spots. Right, right. Basketball is just nonstop to the hole. Yeah. Getting that rim. Getting somewhere.

Getting that rim. Okay, you got another one? Yeah, you know it. I got one more and I'll leave you alone. So I'm flying back from Buffalo. And great week by the way buffalo's great uh good comedy shout out to mothers by the way incredible restaurant courtesy a little gary uh gary veder who found it one of the best steaks i've ever had in my life

really oh my god buffalo's got great food we also hit the fucking swan street diner let me tell you just a great diner just like it's a real town there's something about a boxcar type diner that just puts me at ease on the road. I love it. I love a good diner. I love getting eggs in the morning, getting just cup after cup of coffee. Yeah, same. We also have the best fucking, our fans are so fucking cool, man. Yeah.

What's the name of the movie? The Trial. Someone from one of our fans. Paul Newman? No, that's a verdict. That's a great movie, too. Oh, sorry. But it's an Orson Welles movie, The Trial, with him and Anthony Perkins.

I think we talked about it on the pod. Someone leaves me that DVD at the club. Whoa. So I just have the DVD now. It was the most generous thing and just thoughtful. It's a thoughtful gift. So I've never seen it. It's Kafka.

I've never seen the- Oh, I just watched the trailer for this. Get out of here. It's supposed to be incredible. And it's Orson Welles and fucking Anthony Perkins who are just... That looks so good. And it's fucking 60 years old. Yeah, I mean...

Look how cool that looks. It's supposed to be incredible. And I can't wait to watch it. But like, I mean, Anthony Perkins, we talked about him. Just like an incredible actor who was derailed by being gay back then. Yeah. And I think typecast from norman bates as well sure but i mean dude he died from aids yeah his wife dies in 9-11 can you imagine

i didn't know that parents your parents die in aids in 9-11 wow that's fucking brutal wow man he was an incredible actor though but he just got typecast because of yeah you know crazy wife works at a magazine in the visuals department and she says this gets brought up all the time as references being like can you make it look like this i can't i can't wait to watch this yeah no it's a movie i was going to watch you said it's an orson welles yeah oh he's his quote it's i love you know what it's You know it's a respected filmmaker when the movie quote is from him? Yeah. The best film I've ever made.

I fucking love Orson Welles. That's hilarious. I love Orson Welles so much. Any clip you see of him online is the funniest. Yeah. I shit you not, he's the funniest dude

I've ever heard speak. I tried to find his book for you today because I sent it to Mark. I was in the strain trying to find it. I was in a rush but uh

I'm howling on the toilet reading that book it's so funny it's so funny it doesn't mean to be funny dude also it's just so funny something about like

a really big guy who like won't admit like he won't admit he's eating it's funny to me yeah every night at dinner he'd be like

he'd be like I'll just have a you know have a bite of sorbet maybe you know and then he would go home and they'd see his like at the hotel they'd be like he ordered six have a you know have a bite of sorbet maybe you know and then he would go home

and they'd see his like at the hotel they'd be like he ordered six ribeyes last and there's something fucking amazing about that but he's so funny man he's so but i can't wait to watch this movie because i've been meaning to watch it and i don't know how it slipped through me but all right so i'm flying back from united or buffalo i see a united sign it says united lgbtq we support equality and i'm like as opposed to the other airlines that are hateful is this is this an issue on airlines i've never tried to get on delta they're like no juice no juice i'm like i'm diamond medallion they're like always diamonds with you people always that's funny that's funny. That's funny. Jet Jew.

But there's something there, I think. Yeah. The thing about, I find it to be so insincere when these companies are like, we support everyone equally. And I'm like, it is illegal to not do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't discriminate. It's 2023. Yeah, you're not a hero. Well, Ron has that great bit what's his bit his bit is i went to a hotel and there's a big sign on the wall like we have we take everybody gay black white women you know whatever is this too

close to his bed well his is like yeah that's that was a law passed in 1964 um that and it makes me well his bit is different because he goes the other way he goes that makes me think you actually do just think about these things like if if i went to red lobster and like we definitely don't jizz in the clam chowder oh i've heard that part okay so they definitely jizz in the clam chowder you know that's his bit so i think that's different enough yeah yeah i'll run it by him but uh that's funny yeah he's got great shit then you got the diamond jew thing is great yeah yeah um trying to avoid a 9-11 joke here i know you're partying hard this holiday season when you need to recover fast turn to liquid iv it's not just for people playing sports and running marathons

it's also for alcoholics it's tiring shopping for gifts this holiday season drinking holiday beer you need to stay hydrated liquid iv gets you hydrated two times faster than water alone just one stick has three times the electrolytes of leading sports drinks and vitamins nutrients everyday fitness i i drink this shit constantly i get the sugar-free stuff because i'm like usually working off the sugar from a manhattan or necroni the night before so i like the sugar-free but they got white grape lemon lime it's good stuff very good i drink it just once a day just in case even if i'm hungover i drink two if i'm not hungover i drink one just to get the old hydration going liquid iv now comes in sugar-free as i just said there's no gluten soy dairy or gmos and no artificial sweeteners either sugar is replaced with an amino acid alicos ali

ali los blend i don't know what that is but trust the science folks that's what i always say wink wink which has the same taste and texture of table sugar sorry i've been drinking yeah you got that right that's why we need Liquid IV. Grab your Liquid IV hydration multiplier sugar-free in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code DRUNK at checkout. That's 20% off anything you order when you shop at Better Hydration today using promo code DRUNK at liquidiv.com. Nice. Great stuff.

I highly recommend it. Get on it. You're going to need it this holiday season. You saw the Snow White gal came out, and she's been harping on this and that and diversity, and now she's like, I think Disney's doing a great thing. Oh, there you go. Wow.

Is that your screensaver? Jesus Christ. So in August 2023, I can't remember the actress's name. I can't either. She came name. I can't either. She came out making the new Snow White. Rachel Zegler. Thank you. And she says, I mean, you know, the original cartoon came out in 1937, and evidently so.

There's a big focus on her love story with a guy who literally stalks her. It was weird, she said. Sort of trashed the movie from 37. And she said, like. Yeah, I used to to have i had a bit about this in my last special but it's fucking guess what it's it's 75 plus years old it's gonna be a little fucking weird yeah yeah that's what happened shit that's what progress is shit changes yeah but i think the people at disney got to her and was like you're killing your opportunities

here so this month she came out and said, the cartoon is so beloved. It's like a monumental moment in film history. All these amazing things that happened for that film made Disney what it is. There you go. She's like toeing the line now because she realizes she just could lose a billion dollars on this fucking movie. My issue with the Snow White stuff personally

is that just like, okay, there's a very narrow margin for what works as a hit i think like this movie there's a reason it worked right anytime they try to change anything about it it doesn't work look at the remakes like you change anything you change like the race of a character it might not hit right it's like a joke you change one word change one thing it doesn't mean that this is good or this is bad it's just like it worked at a certain time for a certain reason snow white has been a classic yeah right so you're in a classic the next thing you get the the line for whatever it is to hit or not hit is so fucking thin yeah this is disney you're fucking up with yeah and now we deal in absolutes

you know it's like willie wonka 1978 had little people in it that's abuse or whatever and then you're like well willie wonka now has no midgets that's unfair to midgets like you can't yeah they don't get a lot of casting opportunities yeah the rules just keep changing and then we keep yelling at people as if they're the devil over a decision you're like well the rules change i don't know like look at entourage you ever watch entourage you're like holy shit i can't believe this shit went down but at the time it was completely normal and everybody was dying to get on that show and guess what maybe that's like isn't that your mission that things change yeah so and if you gotta go back and i rewatch entourage and i crack the fuck up i think it's funny funny's funny And if you got to go back. And I rewatched Entourage and I cracked the fuck up. I think it's funny.

Funny's funny. But if you got to go back and find shit that's bad in 1937, maybe that's a good sign. And guess what? Shit was bad in 1937. Sure. Shit was fucking not good. And then you think about all the stuff that's changed since. Of course, like movies and art is a reflection of the society you're living in.

Think about who had rights back then. Think about who had a reflection of the society you're living in think about who had rights back then think about who had a lack of rights back then of course shit is going to be different you have to you know think about how many movies in 1940s don't have black people in them you know or 1950s right so yeah shit was different you have to you know have your blinders on a little bit also recognize that we were fucked up and it's okay to recognize we were fucked up and admit it yeah that's all right we changed to for the better yeah yeah but you can't get mad about the change and then go back and go but yeah you know like if a guy goes to jail for stealing a car and then he does his time gets out you can't go but you stole

that car you're like i know i served 20 years right i'm trying to come out of prison and work at a grocery store and now you're still mad about the car thing yeah you hear that women quit bringing up old shit well it's just funny that she's trashing it but it's like you're in it i get that like it's cool that she's speaking from her heart and being uh you honest, but at the same time- Is she, though? That's the question. Well, I think initially she was.

I don't know. I think she was trying to sound- Oh, you think she was pandering. I think she was pandering to another group then. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe she was. Maybe you're right. Maybe she was pandering.

I mean, she's an actor. That's the thing. That's what I'm talking about. Actors, there is a weird thing about actors when you reach a certain level. I think like a working actor is different than like a major star. A working actor has this humility from auditions and having to just work and hustle. All right. Last bit and I'll leave you alone.

Please. Tell me the bit. Don't leave me alone. Okay. I could hurt myself. I'm going to hurt myself if you don't come over. Oh, great. Now I'm dying to come over.

All right. Yeah, it's a hell of an invitation. Yeah. You're cordially invited to the day I may or may not kill myself. This will be a lot of fun. Can we just watch Love Actually or something? I'd rather you hurt yourself than watch that shit. Yeah, good point.

Good point. You're looking at my notes? Yeah, so I brought the high res of that photo. So you can actually see what you're writing on these notes from this photo. Sure. Do you want me to share it? Nah, I don't know. I mean, it's not that...

Fucking set list? I don't know. No, it's just... Oh, racist Beatles, phone, gym, driving, self-esteem, Brexit, stripper, crying. Yeah, I think I got a few of those working. Is this a set list or you're working on jokes? That's jokes I'm working on. So who knows if they went anywhere.

I did figure out the Brexit one. I know that. But all right. Last joke. I was at the zoo on the road with my friend. So you got to do it on the road you got to kilt time and my friend goes man these these zoos are like prisons for animals and i was like well actually they're kind of worse because prison at least you have to commit a crime that panda didn't steal a camry you know and then in prison you can get out on good behavior. That giraffe never hurt anybody.

He's in here for life. That's all I got. There's no reward for being good in the zoo. In the zoo, yeah. They don't let you out. They're like, we're keeping you. You're a good elephant. Is there a petting zoo comparison?

Maybe there's a petting zoo. Yeah, there's no comedy in this. It's just an observation, really. Mark's just an environmental activist. I'm with PETA now. He cares about the animals. But yeah, I feel like there's something there. It's worse than a prison because they just scooped up this kangaroo.

He didn't even do anything. Yeah, these aren't like delinquent animals. These are just animals. Yeah. We got guys who are like, I went to jail for smoking weed, man. What the hell? And you're like, well, this kangaroo is like, I was just hanging out. Like I'd even do anything.

I don't know. I don't know where the. I just got picked up. I got picked up. Just trying to hang out the brush. Well, that's why you're allowed to pet the animals. Because if it was like a prison, you ain't petting those animals.

Yeah, good point. That's true. That's a dog fight, or a cock fight. You're right. Those animals aren't that bad either. Alright. Maybe it's nothing. I'll play with it. I do have a peeve. I thought that was poignant.

Let's cut that out. I stink. Peeve is... I don't have a peeve. I thought that was poignant. Let's cut that out. Let's cut that out. I stink. I stink. Peeve is when you're out to eat and the waiter comes by and says, how is everything before you've taken a bite? Hate that. Yeah.

It's the insincerity because now you have to lie. Right. I'm with you. It's the same with lying. because now you have to lie right i'm with you it's the same with the like this i haven't tried it yet but you got to do it up a little like oh i haven't tried it yet i'm getting there back to you yeah don't worry in that conversation here yeah he's about to fuck his wife he's like that good for you she's like your dick's still in your pants well i think new york has fucked me because the service is so direct here. You're in, you're out, moving along, shut up, who cares?

With other places, they're like, how are you? You good? Okay, you need more water. How do you like that water? You're like, how do I like the water? I don't know. It's good. Get out of here.

How about with some A1? Yeah. Sometimes a too helpful waiter is brutal. I love his bit about, he's like, Italians are tough as hell, but they're weird and pussy about some stuff. They're like, I cracked that guy in the head with a baseball bat. I don't give a fuck. Whoa, what is that, yogurt?

Damn, that's fucking great. I mean, he's got a million of them. I love his bit about how this is like a Walker City in New York. We fucking run the city. The Walker is not the car the cars will be driving like oh my god i almost got hit by that person yeah that's great so true though how about his bit about uh he's like black kids know the law they sound black kids sound like police and police sound like black kids that's an amazing bit police are like I can't remember what the police say. You know,

they're like, yo, get, get, get, get the hell out of here. What the fuck are you doing? Come on.

And cops are like, watch out. That's a six 18 or no black kids. Yeah. Sorry. I fucked it up. I've been drinking. No,

it's great. I know we're both losing. Well, it's like midday. We're not eating before we come here. We're just fine. Yeah. This morning.

This is why people love the show. So Peter's, we had a few comments. You're not drinking anymore this morning. This is why people love this show. So Peter sent us We had a few comments. You're not drinking anymore. Blah, blah, blah. Pushes us into rehab. Yeah.

We're doing the next next steps in rehab. We're the Betty Ford. Super producer Peter sent us the drunkies which is the best moment Oh!

What have you been sitting on this? Yeah. We've been talking Jonathan Mazers for six minutes. I might have other bits too but fuck it. Let's just hold on. That zoo thing died. The zoo thing? Yeah, it Jonathan Mazers for six minutes. So other I've might have other bits to fuck it. Let's do thing died Thing that maybe something that can't find it. I'm fine. It's hard. We you know, all right

What do you got you got another one? Well, you pulling this up or what are we doing? Yeah, we're doing it He's sending me access to the oh access access Hollywood Oh, you need access, huh? Access denied. Access Hollywood. Is this funny or anything? I love how dumb we're getting. We're going to have to dumb down articles for people to comment. The only way people are going to read articles in the future is if they get the comment because everything's about them.

You can see articles like, yo, World War II, are you smashing or passing? Is there something there? Yeah, yeah. I don't know. We're done with other thoughts. We're good with the drunkies here Oh, is there award things? Or is this just a revisiting? Best drunk moment

I will say that Yamanika episode Might be the hardest I've laughed I've never seen you laugh that hard in my life She was on fire I've known you a long time She was killing She was pretty great I've known her for so long

That it just hit me. We might have to have her back at some point. I would love to. So I'm sitting there. I see a bitch. She got the baby. The baby already doing that stiff board thing, right? I know that move.

You know, bipping and bopping to the side. I said, oh, no. Damn, you're fucking dying, dude. I was with him to see A. I just happened to be there because my guy. This is a great speech. Yeah, yeah. My guy.

Keep going. Keep going. My guy. My guy. Right? I'm loyal. I'm loyal to Kalilah. Hell yeah.

That doesn't work. But yeah, yeah, go stick with Kalilah. You got a relationship. You got a contract. You got a friendship. Yeah. Hang out. How do you do this? you got a contract you got a friendship hang out how do you do this you gotta hold it oh

does it burn no are you buzzed right now yeah oh Rex was hammered love him I saw Simon the other night

he's the fucking we hung at the cellar he's the fucking best he's the best just the best hang. He had a, he had a spiral after this episode.

He said he got recognized by some fucking, some dude stopped him like at a big party. Oh, good. Yeah, yeah. Oz fucked with him.

The mentalist. What's the thing? Who is he? Should I say it first? Open your eyes. Open, yeah. Oz fucked with him. The mentalist. What's the name? Who is he? Should I say it first? Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Say it.

No! No! That shit was crazy. Oh, Rex is out. Punch Rex in the dick. How did you get that, dude? Oh, we were talking about it earlier. How did you get that?

Brain. Brain. Do you know what they call it? Legal tender. Tendering. Is it tendering? Tendering? Nah. This is crazy this is a great podcast they ripped his cape

god he is so fucking funny he is a sober one too i know we we did a ski trip we're all hammered the whole time ian ian is sober and we were just dying it was like having a court jester in the living room he was just so fun such good energy such a great guy oh yeah great energy great vibe the mustache he would cook every night. Where did he cook you? He made fucking Parmesan, chicken parm. He made pasta. I mean, he just killed it.

He was great. This is Best Puns. Oh. Matt Peters producing. 100,000 subs. Oh. YouTube. Oh.

Oh, hell yeah. That's a Fanny Arvogli. sub. Oh, hell yeah. That's what Patty Arvold did. Oh, that took me a second. Fart on that baby. Maybe that's why he's crying. Grab his head and hold on. That might kill a kid. It's so fragile, it's big ass.

You go to prison, you farted a baby. You farted him to death, dude. I hope you edited that one. Mark's fading. I'm bored. I'm bored. Oh, jeez. I felt bad about that. I mean, look, I want to say it too, but... Oh, man. That was an old-timer. That that was an old timer of mark's autism just coming out that was amazing i was dying genuinely confused wait wait are these

the best of farts oh no nate that nate one haunted me and him excuse me this is best fart all right what uh what what episode are we on now because that was like 109 this is best fart. All right. What episode are we on now? Because that was like 109. This is 111. 159. We got to do it. Oh, 160. Okay, great.

Well said. Mark, I can't take this. She's trying to talk about her journey to weight loss. Well, I had to defend her there Yeah But that was amazing I took a shower And she kills me Alright

Alright Nate looks like sad The reason it's so good is because Nate is like actually upset he was pissed whoa the gas chamber

I wonder why we don't have more female listeners that is fucking disgusting that fart that was a chunky fart. Yeah, that had some gurgle. Alright. Alright.

I blocked it out. Oh, silent. oh silent he's going mike i didn't hear it it's a low moment that was a bad fart watching these i'm like this is a good show i i get why people watch it or listen by the way i like that our best of is Mark being like. I know.

Our best of is a dude just farting. Well, I love the idea of Nate just doing a show with Seinfeld, Gaffigan, Sebastian, and him at the Hollywood Bowl. They just sold out two shows, and I'm farting on him. I feel horrible. He's not happy here. He wasn't happy. God bless you, Nate. Sorry, Nate.

That was his Jonathan Majors moment. Me farting on him. I'm a great man doing great shows. And I get farted on by Mark Norman. Oh, man. Nate, we love you. This is best reaction. Oh, here we go.

It's just the same clip? Matt Peter is producing. It's more conversational. It's more whatever it is. Right. Hold on. Wait, wait. It's the same shit. It's more whatever it is. Right. Hold on. Wait, wait, it's the same shit. I mean, it is the great reaction.

I mean, the head shake. That was like when I told my dad I was doing comedy. I had a second cousin who was pretty hot. Would you? Second cousin? Really? I tried. Miss Pat hates us.

I'm serious. You might raise an empty wallet. Oh, the 69. Man, Bobby Lee's comedy gold. It's hard to beat Bobby on the pod. It's hard to beat Bobby. the pod. It's hard to beat Bobby. Bobby Reed. What the fuck?

What has this become? I know. Well, the booze is flowing. Sam's color commentating. That's a reaction. Hey, Winnie and the cat. Oh, hey, Sam.

Good referee. You might be Herb Dean over there. No one fucks with Wingy. Yeah. Wow, you really protected. Fucking love that old ass dog. Hold on, pause for a second. Instinctual.

Is this something? I was giving my girlfriend shit for buying stuff for Winnie. I'm like, dude, she's 16. Stop buying her jackets. She had 12's 16. Stop buying her jackets. She had 12 fucking jackets. Stop buying her jackets. I was like, she's going to be gone any moment. She goes, well, I buy you stuff.

Oh, that's a bit. That's a bit. That's almost as good as my zoo stuff. This is best Salacuse reactions. Oh, all right. We've reached a low point. This is like the best documentaries where everyone goes to the bathroom.

That's the sound design. All right, here we go. Oh, shit. Here we go. Oh. Hell yeah. That's a fatty arse. Wait, wait.

It's got the same penis. You're on reruns already. All right. Normally, I try to really fart on that baby. Maybe that's a fatty arse. Wait, wait, it's got the same penis. You're on reruns already. All right. Normally I try to really fart on that baby. Maybe that's why he's... This is the wrong... You're in the wrong folder. Do we have an award for worst audio engineer?

Worst Google bitch. I heard him. All right, here we go. All right, I guess that's it. Hey. We haven't seen Noel Miller yet. He was a patient because he didn't call him out on his math. Ah.

Ah. That was fucking racist, dude. That was just... Take that hate elsewhere. We're fucking idiots. All right. That was more subtle. All right. Classic. that was more subtle alright classic

did you happen to watch that Headliners Only I haven't seen it yet is it good it's fun it's fun because they show them on the way up

and you can see all this crazy footage of them as kids bombing and stuff but I mean I just love rock so much

I love rock and I'm not Kevin i you know he's great but i you know i grew up with rock so i'm like i want to see all the rock stuff so uh it's cool to watch it's cool to see him coming up i gotta check it out it's fun rock's a man he's the man and then there's something else like oh yeah there's a world War II. I'm turning into Tony Soprano. Like, I see World War II shit. I watch it. Yeah. I think we're getting up there.

Is that old? Is that old guy shit? Because I just think these were people. These were 18-year-old dudes on the beach of Normandy. Very different lives than us. Oh, yeah. They would sign up for the war because they were, like, bored. Well, it was like a point of pride. That, too. I just feel like the country's in a different place i just oh yeah when people talk about like a civil war and shit i'm like shut the fuck up stop putting it out there that's a peeve

people putting it out there what's that that would trump off the ballot in fucking uh colorado and by the way that will fucking we're pre-recording this so this could be resolved in a couple weeks. But like, then people be like, is this going to mean civil war? I'm like, does everything have to mean

civil fucking war? I didn't see that. Wow. And then Florida, then Florida. Civil war. Have you seen this? I think I'll sit this one out.

What is this? A24's movie called Civil War. Oh, Jesus. The blue states die on day one. I'm just like, I have a problem with this war. And they're just like. Yeah, right. Gun ownership is problematic.

Well, I have a gun. 824, wow. Ooh, the United States of Puerto Rico. Hey, Offerman oh boy alright fuck it maybe I'll see you Alex Garland is he the president? yes

well that's fun alright I'm in California got together oh bad premise already not believable should have been Florida the two states that fucking hate each other yeah oh that's mocking a good movie and it's in new york

824 does make good shit they do i'll watch this hey kirsten dunst. Look at that. Movies are different than people tweeting it, though, constantly being like, Civil War. And I'm like, dude, you got a lot of followers. Can you cut it out? I know. I know. Can you stop trying to get people to want to have a Civil War, maybe?

Well, luckily, we're too lazy. You know, it's going to be like, well, we are. There's some people who fucking live for this shit. That's true. There's some people who are like, I'm dying to have a civil war. There's the Capitol Storm people. Then there's the people who are like, oh, the Christmas tree was lit at 30 Rock. Let's go protest that.

You're like, Jesus, I wish I had your motivation. No, you don't. I guess not. You're on the road. You're tired from traveling and doing gigs. I guess I would use it to go to the gym or maybe- To better yourself and not be a fucking boring piece of shit, you mean? Yeah, do Taibo or write a novel, something. All right, let's be real.

None of us are writing a novel. Nah. It's a lot of work. Maybe a novella, a pamphlet, something. You start a novel, and then on page 13, you're like, yeah, I'm good. I got nothing to say. I got nothing. Yeah.

Hey, it was the best of times. It was the queefs. All right. Cut and print. That's the start of something. All right. We have a start. The ending is-

A tale of two shitties. Hey, there we go. I'll tell you. Anything else? Did we miss anything? I think we got it. We got some movies. It was a good year.

We talk movies so hard here, but I fucking like movies. It happens. And we're going to make a movie, dude. Yeah. We're going to make a movie. That's the plan. It's already pretty much written. We're going to tweak.

Yeah, but now we have to deal with the people that take forever. Yeah. Writing the movie is easy. It's getting it made that's hard. So how do you deal with getting notes from people you know that aren't as funny? We're not there yet. It's coming. But yeah, we'll see.

We'll see how we deal with it. I think we'll start a civil war. Yeah. Gay 24. I think we do what we want to do and then just give it to them. And then when they go, well, how about this? How about that? We go, oh, that's very's very that's a great idea what if instead of your idea i wipe

my ass with your pages yeah and mark and i came up with a better joke there you go i think i think you just have to yes and i think yes anding is the move and just be like oh okay but we've not we're not there yet but i think you just kind of are positive and you don't belittle people because that's kind of like a belittling thing regardless we don't know how we feel about this you don't you bring a better energy yeah definitely you gotta you gotta placate you gotta rub the back go yeah i've worked with shitty people in the past and never again i'd rather not make something than work with people that fuck up our shit yeah and i think we always have the back the card in

the back pocket like we'll just put it online fuck off and they're like okay okay okay because i think i think a lot of these uh streamers and tv they're all scared of the internet i think someone's gonna make this too oh yeah i think we're gonna be in a good place. I'm not worried. Not worried at all. Cut to Mark and I in battle fatigue like Civil War. Yeah.

We'll fucking do it. The movie didn't go. Here's to a great 2024 guys. There you go. Thanks to you. Maybe next year you'll actually drink part of your drink.

Yeah. I'm sorry I made you such a bad drink Sal. I thought they were good. I'm gonna pop this just for the visual. But he's got kids to raise. I love a good Negron.

But hey, we're not done yet folks. You gonna pop that shit? Oh yeah, is that alright? Okay. You're gonna break some of the fuckin'. Pull up a good drinking speech there cues while you're uh well get alec baldwin gun glaring and ross i'm gonna shoot this like alec baldwin hopefully i don't hit a co-star all right what do you got there sally

baby chino on any given sunday oh life is a game inches. That's what I told my wife. All right, here we go. This could go either way. I'm going for that middle light bulb on that hanger there. Have you seen Maestro? Is it good? Maestro?

I never heard of it. It's a Bradley Cooper movie. Oh, is that about Lenny? He got accused of Jew face. Oh, right. I think never heard of it. It's a Bradley Cooper movie. Oh, is that about Lenny? He got accused of Jew face. Oh, right. I think that wasn't real. Oh, wait a minute. Mussolini.

What happened to this drinking speech? I wanted to get a Mussolini speech. It's going to be an Italian, you know. All right. Well, we had a good run. I mean, Matt has been phoning in for weeks now. This is really unacceptable. All right, what do we got?

Okay, so we got a bottle of champagne here to 2024. Mussolini, can we get a better energy, please? What are you doing here? What the fuck is this? An Italian dictator. Yeah, we should have been more specific than just motivational. Technically, that is motivational, but... For who? What happened to

the Any Given Sunday? Alright. Okay. Al Pacino. You've heard of him. Any Given Sunday. He's a football coach. Hey! How long is it?

Four minutes. Great. Jamie Foxx, pre-stroke. I love Jamie Foxx. One inch at a time, Mark. Yes. I can't do it for you. I'm too old.

Not to have a baby. Dennis Quaid? Yeah, dude. Jesus. How old's he? What year is this? 96? Oh, that guy.

Jim Brown. Jim Brown. Scariest guy ever. Pop it. Wow, I didn't know if we were getting somewhere. Is there a hook? Is there a finale? Don't make me do the zoo bit again.

For that inch! Nine o'clock! Hoo-ah! That inch. Here we go. The fucking difference between living and dying. Yeah. Between living and dying.

Yeah. We should do the sound of a woman instead. We should have done. Take a flamethrower. I'm just getting warmed up. Pull it up. We'd have to cut all this out, aren't we? Nah.

Oh, yeah. Is that legal? All right. We'll finagle. We got nothing out of that. We got a couple of lines. Okay. Here we go.

I'm sure this will be 18 and a half minutes. It is. It is. What is this? Pacino day? We got one more. One more? We didn't even get to this one. Slow down.

...back home to Argon with his tail between his legs but I say you are executing his soul! Whoa! No, no, leave this. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Nah. That guy's great. Yep. We've lost all our listeners. No, no, no. Come on. You're fucking killing this. If you pull up Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, I'm shooting this right at your face.

What the fuck? Injustice for All? Yeah. I've never seen this one. i've never seen this either spoiling it all right pause it mark poppet we've got all right well i was hoping for a nice moment here we've gone through four movies and we got nothing jesus christ all right 2024 just get the kids cheering for fuck's sake. Something.

Give me something. There's got to be a moment. Here it is. Pull up Jurassic Park. No, no. Hold on. There's got to be some great. Rudy.

That sound is. I do like that sound. I know you've seen a fun movie. Slow clap. Rudy is too fucking cute. Come on never seen a fun movie. Slow clap. Rudy is too fucking cute. Come on. Just fucking pop it. I'm paying you to get the YouTube premium or whatever the hell.

YouTube Red. All right. Okay, so here we are. 2024. Thanks for watching. We might be drunk. Get Bodega Cat. We appreciate you listening.

Hit it. We love you out there. Pot of the year. Great guests. Good times. Great times. Great drinking with you. Pop it.

To another great year. Hey, to little people everywhere getting their shot. You hear that, Dinklage? And big people. Yeah. And medium-sized people. There you go. And, ohsized people. There you go. And, oh!

Oh, I hit it. All right. We couldn't do it without you. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, guys. And see us on the road. Buy Bodega Cat Whiskey, bodegacatwhiskey.com. I think I got Madison this weekend, Madison Comedy Club, Philly, fucking Dania Beach.

I don't know. Usually Matt helps out with this part, but he's been phoning it in for quite some time. Dude, I'm drunk. Really? We might be. I don't know where else I'm going to be this month. Oh, Stanford, Connecticut, Omaha, OKC, Addison and Texas fucking everywhere Salt Lake City

Irvine and the specials in Boston I believe it's sold out but I love you guys Mark where you gonna be buddy hey happy new year marknormancomedy.com

I'm using that punch up live guy he's the best he's a good egg but I'm way over my head here yeah it's a lot it's a lot I'm clueless

but I'm gonna be my head here yeah it's a lot it's a lot i'm clueless but i'm gonna be all over the road tampa phoenix uh boise idaho houston san antonio charlotte lexington atlanta raleigh austin tucson uh oh charlottesville charleston el El Paso, Albuquerque, Memphis, Little Rock, Knoxville, Chattanooga, Syracuse, to name a few. Get some swag while we got it. Bodega Cat. Samorelle.com for tickets. MarkNormanComedy.com for tickets.

And BodegaCatWhiskey.com for the whiskey and great energy. The last time I gave Salakus a fucking drink. What the hell happened? He's going to be slitting his wrist in a bathtub in two minutes. We're killing it.

We got Jonathan Majors on the next step. I feel bad what I said. I think he's going to beat me up. But you know, it's been a good year. We appreciate you guys. We're grateful to you guys for listening.

We're grateful for you, Matt Peters. Yes, Peters. Even Salamanca for fumbling these Google searches like Tiki Barber before he learned how to carry a football. And, you know, we appreciate all the listeners. We hope you have a great new year. We hope you're safe. We hope you're healthy. And we hope you get what you want.

And there we go. When Harry met Sally, that's a happy ending. Hey, count it down. And we hope you get what you want. And there we go. When Harry met Sally. That's a happy ending. Count it down. Who's the count? We had Dick Clark. He died. Who's the, is it Seacrest?

And they got Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper, right? Okay. There you go. Meg Ryan, would you? Yeah, of course. All right. Out of respect. Yes.

How about you? Yeah, definitely. Look at that. She's cute. She's goddamn adorable. Yeah all right well hey well we're here we're queer we miss you already happy new year thank you guys thank you we'll see you next year hey folks we might be drunk. Really drunk. Hey, hey, folks, we might be drunk.

Shit face. Yeah. Comedy.