We Might Be Drunk - Ep 162: Chad Daniels & Paper Planes

Episode Date: January 15, 2024

Chad Daniels joins Mark Normand and Sam Morril for the newest episode of We Might Be Drunk. Recorded on January 10th. We talk Golden Globes and comedy inside and out. Join us for recs, peeves and bits   Mark Normand: https://marknormandcomedy.com Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/ CHADS LATEST SPECIAL  - MIXED REVIEWS https://youtu.be/n1kVr3zkz7E?si=PZ_R8Ey6bMdCAxK5   INSTAGRAM @thatchaddaniels   FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/comedianchaddaniels/   WEBSITE https://www.chaddaniels.com/ Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com  Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Bodega Cat: http://www.bodegacatspirits.com  We Might Be Drunk is produced, recorded and edited by Gotham Production Studios. Head producer: Matthew Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ If you want to start a podcast contact [e-mail] for a discount on services when referred by WMBD!

oh let's do it fuck yeah yeah how you guys doing hey good to be here i'm wiped yeah me too man travel all that shit sold joel's last night two shows which guilted me into a benefit on thursday because i'm doing the punchline this weekend it's gonna be worth it i get more work done in that room than than any club in the country It's just he makes it easy. I can't work out a benefit. No, benefits different. I'm reading off a sheet of paper. Here, fuck you.

What do you guys want? What is it, cancer? Who cares? What is it, the Golden Globes? Sorry to the people on the client list. Already a Golden Globes. We didn't even make it a minute. Well, it sounds like he's going to throw his writers under the bus.

But yeah, yeah. Did that. It's a two and a half hour drive so you get back then he had the seinfeld breakfast he's got to be there at nine in the morning so then you gotta get up 9 a.m 9 45 yeah that's not awful no not bad but uh a few years ago that would have hurt oh yeah we're getting older yeah great pick oh yeah we got he really he can he's rocking a long scarf i know and we had that great moment where he would put it on, and then we'd start talking again. He would take that puppy right off, and I was like, we're back in.

Damn, that's good. Yeah, we did about an hour, 40 minutes. Like a prostitute throwing her jacket on. Yeah. Getting her back. Exactly. Love it. Yeah, we really, we got into it.

We chopped it up. We covered everything. Any hot nugs you can share? Well, I don't want to kiss and tell, but uh wait hold on let me let me see that finger it smells like a bagel we did decoy we did the cat williams we did all the specials we did uh you know nate gaza marriage kids the whole thing i don't know what's sadder, the Gaza or the marriage. But either way, we talked about everything. Either way, you're a hostage.

Yes. Speaking of hostages, let's talk about the Golden Globes. Oh, man. That was tough. That was tough. Oh, actually, I did bring up a Golden Globe clip here. Hey, he didn't have a bad set. He was, Gaffigan killed it.

This was awesome. And it's awesome to see him go kind of blue yeah but in globes i mean i i can't even believe i'm in the entertainment industry i can't i you know it's so unlikely i'm from a small town in Indiana. I'm not a pedophile. That came out of nowhere, too. That was great. Great. Great line.

And it's like, that's kind of what you got to do. I mean, it's also from him. It's so unexpected. Yeah, it's so unexpected. But what's great about Gavigan, and look, Coy is a killer. He does arenas. He's got his own fans. He'll be fine. But it is a different gig. And this is straight up a hell gig. Hell gig. It is a killer. He does arenas. He's got his own fans. He'll be fine. But this is a different gig.

And this is straight up a hell gig. Hell gig. It is a hell gig. 100%. It's a gig where you look at that crowd, you're like, they're nervous. Yes. The way we talk about colleges where they're like, these kids are nervous to laugh now because they feel like maybe complicit.

Yeah. They don't want to laugh. It's also such a weird ritual to just be like, Paul Giamatti's here. Then you zoom in on Paul Giamatti's face. It doesn't work. It's because it's not a roast. Exactly. But then it kind of is, but it isn't.

And then you kind of can't go that hard. So it's like you have to be mean, but in a clean way. Yes, it's a tough line. You got to tap dance on that tightrope. But he's not that guy. He's not the joke guy but also he didn't say who he was Gaffigan comes up and goes what am I doing here I'm ugly I'm

midwestern I'm fat whatever he established kind of who he is okay I'm paraphrasing but he kind of like hey here I am isn't this weird where Coy just came out and went Taylor Swift what's up with that bitch nice bang whore.

I wish Gaffigan started doing the voice, the audience voice. Did this guy just call us all pedophiles? This guy's destroying his career. He just kept going. That would have been great. Dude, yeah, you're right. You got to open, when you roast,

you got to open self-deprecating. At this type of event, not an actual roast, of course, but at this type of event, you got to be like, who the hell the hell am i yes i don't remember if gervais did that because he doesn't have to he already is a pretty big star i think he went with i don't give a shit yeah yeah he said he said i don't care about this this uh event tonight he goes i'm gonna air it out and he just aired it out yeah 10 days notice is crazy that's that's pretty soon that he got 10 days notice i mean that is but also like I don't mean to be a dick. I thought about it.

I'm like, I'm calling J.P. McDade. I'm calling Ronan Hirshberg. I'm calling, like, some joke people. We're going to get on a Zoom call. We're going to bang out a shitload of jokes. Yeah. I think 10 is enough. I think it's doable.

It's definitely doable. But also, we've all bombed. But to be a headline bomb, I would be in the shower holding my knees like, go. I don't know what good comes from that. I guess if you crush, you're like, although I will say the one good that comes from this, he's got a new 15, 20 minutes out of this. Oh, definitely. Very true.

Because that's self-deprecating. So I bombed the Golden Globes. That's a funny start. Of course. Already people are like, all right, give me some stories. What's worse? Getting slapped? I knew you were going to say that.

Live on television as a host of the Oscars or bombing your opening at the Golden Globes? I'd rather the slap. Yeah, I think. Because the slap, you're the victim. And it has nothing to do with your act. We got slapped after a joke. True, true. I agree.

I would rather be slapped, I think. Yeah, because it's not a bomb. It's an event. It's a spectacle. But it ain after a joke. True, true. I agree. I would rather be slapped, I think. Yeah, because it's not a bomb. It's an event. It's a spectacle. But it ain't a bomb. This guy's known for bombing now. Or known for a bomb. Well, he's not known for bombing.

He's a big act. Yeah, he'll be fine. He's huge. Yeah, that's what I mean. Part of me is like, we talk all about this canceling and all that, but I feel like people don't go away. Especially not comics yeah because you do have like now people will want to hear about this people are gonna want to know okay what happened at the after party who snubbed you who you know yeah who was cool right right

like there there's stories there so and now he's a household name even though it's not the name sake you want no one is the guy who had a rough set. But my mom didn't know who he was, and now she does. Yeah, it just sucks to be known for a bad set. I know. Because it could have been any of us. That is the thing. But I do miss the kind of like, I think he got it because of how big he is,

because he's a huge act. But I do miss it when it was like joke people sure you know like kind of like a gary shanley would host them back in the day or you get like uh your gervais you know yeah but i think they they did about 11 calls and then they got to him i think they want the shanlings how about how about uh good luck yeah how about uh how about gaffigan yeah i don't know i bet he said i bet he doesn't want to do it because That's a tough ask. How about Gaffigan? Yeah. I don't know.

I bet he doesn't want to do it because it's a hell gig. So he's like, dude, I'm doing all these crazy theater runs with Seinfeld. I'm doing arenas. I don't want to go write for the Golden Globes and maybe bomb. It's a bad crowd. It is. And you see, like, I didn't watch. I saw clips, but I was watching, like, you know, De Niro kind of gave him, like, I want to.

You could tell he's like a vet. He's like, I want this guy to do well. Yep. I think De Niro respects like, you know, De Niro kind of gave him like, like, I want, you could tell he's like a vet. He's like, I want this guy to do well. Yep. I think De Niro respects comics, you know, but then there's some people there like the Taylor Swift moment and now the Swifties going after him. I'm like, you know, what really bugs me about the Taylor Swift audience is like, she's doing well. Yeah.

She doesn't need you every second of the day to be like, how dare you? I know. You think that really hurt? Of course. It was not a good joke, but it wasn't even like an offensive joke. Also, can we talk about- It wasn't about her. It wasn't about her.

No. It was about the NFL. She's clearly the most vindictive person on the planet. Like, every song is about, this guy wronged me. It's like, well, there is a common denominator here, bangs. It seems like it's never you, is it? She's going to rhyme joe coy with no joy in some song coming up right i'm really sad about it but also joe is funny and he's a 30 year

comic he's been around where the hell was the riff i would have gone like boy oppenheimer blah blah blah okay well that bomb too you know some give me some tap dancing it's tough when you're live on tv i guess like you know what i mean like it's one thing to riff in a comedy club or a theater or something but like i get it live on tv like it could get worse that's true he riffs that line about his writers that was not that's brutal that was a bad that was a bad riff bad move bad you don't ever throw the writers. Because first off, it's like you're watching this set and you're like, this guy had writers? You know what I mean?

And now you're throwing them under the bus? I think a lot of people don't know we don't have writers as stand-ups. But in an award show, of course, it's like a short, nervous thing. You have help. You know what that felt like? It felt like you ever got in a fist fight in high school and one of your friends runs off and you're like that motherfucker we all got our ass kicked and he ran to the arcade or whatever that's what that felt like like it was him it was him it wasn't me and you're like you ran me out in two seconds yeah but yeah that was tough but he'll be fine coy's

a killer he's he's done the forum he does all all these crazy gigs. So he'll be just fine. And you're right. He'll have 20 minutes on this. And that's going to be almost worth it because that's going to be so fun to watch. Exactly. That's the thing. It's like people are going to want to hear this. Yeah.

Do you think – I think that next Netflix special, wherever the hell it is, you're like, damn, I heard he's talking about it. Yes. It's kind of interesting, right? It's a slap all over again. Yeah, like a slap. Yeah. It's not as interesting as a slap sure the slap was insane that was unprecedented but you gotta admit comedy has never been this big where a bomb is in a headline and now you gotta go hear about the bomb on this on his new special like comedy is so huge yeah chapelle chapelle

punching down you're like you know we got a Ukraine war. We got Israel. But when a comedian tells jokes, you know, it's like that's how big comedy is. It's a little scary. Will Smith could have redeemed himself if he slapped Joe Coy. Because that might have saved the set. That's true. People would have been like, wow, this is kind of interesting, you know? Yeah.

But it was rough where, like, he came back out and you're like, I could tell, like, we've all done those gigs where you're hosting and you have to come back out and the crowd hates you and we've never done them when the crowd is meryl streep and robert de niro i know i know it's tough well it's a battle wound he's got a big one at the mtv awards that time but that was like warm-up warm-up wasn't televised thank god but that was like i was crushed i'm taking some tough l's i bombed the friars club roast once when i was 21 and that fucking hurt oh it hurts baby i mean it was like an embarrassing because i was a kid i didn't like i didn't i wasn't ready yeah i wasn't ready to uh i thought you were pulling up a clip no i'm pulling this shit up what are you doing it's just me talking about it okay but and then norton's trashing me. And Norton goes, give me one of the bits I did.

And I did it like an idiot. And, of course, it bombed in the room, and then they all died. And that was painful again. I love that. You got to realize Ricky Gervais here. His monologue was so – it was more – it wasn't even a monologue. It was a shift. It was a shift in award show monologues because it changed everything.

Every monologue now we compare to Ricky. That's how big that monologue was. Yeah, but Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were funny too. No, no. They're great. They're great. I think what really was revealing, I didn't watch the whole show. I was like dipping in and out because there was football on and stuff,

and I was kind of like flipping around. But I came back and Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig were doing. They were great. To me, that wasn't funny at all. Really? But that's what the room needs. Just them, like, dancing. It was just such a, like, kind of, they were hilarious.

But to me, the gag was just so, we can't stop dancing. That's the gag. It's like, that's what the room wants. They want, like, I'm not calling them hacks because they're brilliant. They're both brilliant. But, like, it's kind of like a hacky bit it felt steve martini like this is absurd yeah i felt more billy crystal than steve martin okay no but yeah but i thought it was it kind of cut the tension because at least it was it was hitting yeah you know um but you know they're

both they're both insanely likable and hilarious but to me it was like a whatever to me this is like not a bit that was and then you see some of these actors you're like they're terrified you know they're like they're clearly just like well this didn't work comedy is fucking hard yeah that goes to show you like these actors like miss one little line then they're like fuck it play it straight yep exactly and i get it you don't want to you don't want to take that fucking plunge it's it ain't fun but hey the beauty of comedy we can go back out on the road and talk about this. These actors need to get hired. We got an audience.

We got a room full of people who's ready to hear some jokes. These actors need to stay. They can't fuck around. We can fuck around and go talk about it. We can make mistakes and then own it. They got to just, hopefully the system keeps booking them. That's a shitty position position it's weird because i see people on both sides like the people that are trashing joe coy it's it i think it's pretty

lame but i think also the people that are like almost too on his side you know yeah that's weird because i saw i saw that too i'm like i mean it was bad the jokes weren't great they weren't good i think that's a different muscle i think to to be a good, that type of host, you need to be able to be like a good roast. Someone who's like, I mean, Seth MacFarlane, you could see on like a roast. Yeah. You know what I mean? He could do it. I thought it was weird.

I saw a tweet. It was like Chris D'Elia. I thought he did great. I don't know what people are talking about. Oh, he said that? Yeah, he tweeted it. Well, they sweetened the shit out of it. that was the problem everybody i had a couple people like i think he's doing all right he's getting laughs i'm like those aren't real i know sweeten when i hear

it listen to gervais it's like god oh there's like specific moments of people in the crowd this was just there's no where someone has a heart attack yeah yeah yeah oh fuck right that was just too generic like it was too perfect and they cut to the people in the audience and they're like so where's that noise coming from that really the crossed arms like i just couldn't watching comics bomb like at the cellar it's funny because we're like oh he's working out it's kind of funny when you see a good comic not connect because it's interesting to see what they do but on a stage that big that attitude to me really bugs me yeah that attitude of like fuck you yeah you know how hard this is or maybe they don't know it sucks it sucks it sucks that he bombed of course i'm not saying the jokes are good but it does suck yes it sucks that he

just ate shit he after that mile he went in that backstage area and was like what the fuck oh my god he's covered in sweat he's got to wipe down he's like it's like a car crash you have to like regroup it's also a weird like you're not one of us type oh 100 where it's like i would argue his journey for lack of a better word you want to call it, was harder. Of course. So the whole, like, you're not one of us, this is why America doesn't feel connected to actors. Yeah! That arrogance.

You being like, what we do is harder. Fuck off, it ain't. It ain't. And all they talk about is inclusivity. Well, let that guy in. How about that? Exactly. If you want to be like, you know, we need to think about LGBT.

What about a performer? Yeah. They're not one of you? What about an Asian man? Nagasaki, huh? All right. More like Nagasaki. The reviews are in.

Hakushima. Okay. But, yeah, no, that's what bugs me is the whole like everything's about inclusiveness and then and then you see how they treat a comedian i know exactly and i agree that i'm saying the jokes are bad but still like just that arrogance of just like the you know yeah i'm with you we felt it we've done those shows we've done those audiences and they're the worst fucking crowds ever. And then guess what? I was in Madison, Wisconsin all weekend.

And they were fucking electric. Yep. They were great. So it's like, you go to regular people, they're great. You go to all these people who are like artists and supposed to get it. Yep. You're the hardest fucking crowd. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, exactly. It's cool. The Holdovers got a lot of stuff. Giamatti and what's her name again? Divine something. She's so good in the movie. So cool that they both. And I saw Giamatti afterwards at the.

In and out. With the Golden Globe. Kind of like in sideways, right? Yeah, yeah. You got that great bottle of wine. With a plastic cup. Yeah, that was perfect. Good point.

Just one of the best movies. Oh, pain. You got to love pain. Pain is incredible. Yeah, I like this movie. People, you know. I really liked it. Joe List hated it.

I thought it was great. Look, that's what movies are, right? It's like a movie like this type of like kind of sweet movie. It's like some people are going to find it cheesy, I guess, but it got me. I loved it. Yeah. It's supposed to be a little cheesy. What about, yeah, a lot of good stuff won.

Jesus. Big. Jeez. Big who-hots. Man, those are golden globes. Holy hell. What else won? Well, let's see.

Oh, dude, I saw Rami give a big smooch on the mouth. I saw that on Twitter. Oh, really? Rami and Mark Ruffalo, big kiss on the mouth. Oh, how about that? All right. World's Guiding. That movie won.

I haven't seen it, but our boy Simon Rex told me it's killer. Oh, great. The one with Emma Stone. Oh, yeah. What's up with Stone and Taylor Swift are beefing? I thought it was a joke. Oh, is that a joke? I think it's a joke.

This is just turning into TMZ over here. Yeah. What are we doing? Mark Ruffalo's in the news. Extra. Yeah, look at that. Oh. Yeah, get some, Rami.

That's my lady. Mark Ruffalo's like her number one. I feel like that's every lady. Oh, really? Doesn't every lady love Ruffalo? But I'll take it. He's so non- It's funny he's the Hulk

because he's so non-threatening. I know, I know. And the Hulk's like, and then every interview he's like, oh, God. Yeah. We need to help poor people. Got to really just, you know, do our part. He's a chubby guy with curly hair, so I'm like, great. I'm glad our fantasy is not Mamoa.

Well, he's like a, he's a, I don't know, Portly or Flabby. We'll go Flabby. I heard a rumor in like 2017 that he was going to play Columbo. Oh, that's perfect. And I lost it. I was like, this is perfect. Well, he's in Zodiac, remember? He's amazing.

I mean, that's where that came from. He's wearing the jacket and everything. Oh, yeah, 70s. Columbo could use a revamp. Columbo is awesome. It's weird because every episode is an hour 30, right? Is that right? Yeah, it's crazy.

And it's like. I think it was a two hour show. With commercials. Yeah, with commercials. But dude, some of those apps, I'm like, they're great, but we could snip so much of this out. Oh, yeah. It's like the person deciding to do the murder. It's like.

Oh, it's like Columbo taking his dog to the vet. It's like, what are we doing here? That's a good app. I've seen that. That's the one with Cassavetes, right? Yeah, that's right. Oh, my God. I've seen my Col colombo we got a lot of range over here we got rami and colombo in the same 10 minute podcast cassavetes oh yeah what was his thing he's

in five oscar winners and then he's out oh no that's john kazale oh sorry cassavetes is the director got it got it you were telling me some we were hanging last night me and uh salamanca and he was telling me some uh what were you saying last night oh it was about um they had it written into his will he said if i should decease uh i give my money willingly to my ex-wife or whoever it was but my son has to be raised in new york city oh that's in the will interesting i love it yeah i know you love it too. I love it. I fucking love that. I wonder why he said that.

Because it's culture. We got culture here. I guess so. We also got a lot of problems. I got one for you. This happened on the way here. I was on the train and a guy starts,

clearly a crazy guy, starts shadow boxing on the train. Here we go. I know it's a ticking time bomb. Yep guy starts shadow boxing on the train oh here we go it's like i know it's a ticking time bomb yep so i i get up on the next stop and i go to the next car and then like one more stop the train cleared out and i was like i saw that one coming oh wow i was i was proud i fucking called that he was yeah he went nuts i guess but yeah i can't drive but i can tell well that's like a new york instinct baby that's new york it turns into this like uh quick fast food psychologist you're like that guy's

bipolar he's schizophrenic you're like uh reading people's minds in two seconds not only that but it's like you know technology has also turned us like we get irritated by shit so much more quickly like i used to be like much more alert. Now I'm like, fuck, I got to pause an audio book to, like, see if this guy's crazy. Yeah, so true. Yeah, the crazies are out. I saw a couple today. Saw one yesterday. Yeah.

They're back on the train. New York Magazine did a really in-depth story about Jordan Neely, that guy. Oh, the Michael Jackson guy. The Michael Jackson guy who was, sorry, I pulled up the eBay things. He was killed on the subway. The chokehold. Yes, that's right. Damn, yeah.

What the hell are you bringing that up for? He just said a crazy homeless guy on the subway. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. Don't stop until you get enough. That's horrible. Yeah, no, that's a great cover for a guy who just got murdered on the train.

You have a great photo of the guy. Sure. Is that like CCTV footage? I don't know. I think it's a classic. That's like a perfect story for America right now because you get the far left being like, we need to help these people in the far right. Like, he's a menace, you know?

Yep, yep. Everyone is angry, but then like really it's, you know. There's nuance to everything. There's nuance. Yeah, well, like the Cat Williams interview, you know. What do you think of that? Well. I listened to the whole thing.

I do, too. I never listen to podcasts that long. I love Cat. I think he's one of the funniest guys on the planet. I want him on here. Oh, I'd love to get Cat on. Cat, we need, like, a chart of people to check off. Yeah, yeah.

Koi's out. Cat's in. But Cat, he's so funny. You also want to be on his good side like let's have him on so he doesn't hate us you know because you don't want him shitting on us in five years but so funny i do think a lot of it i listen to the whole thing and some of you're like well this isn't true that's not what's what's not true well he said he had 10 kids he has eight then he Then he said he reads 3,000. He's rounding up. He reads 3,000 books a year. You're like, well, that's kind of impossible. Yeah.

You know, and he had a couple other things. 3,000 a year? I don't even remember that. Dude, pull up. By the way, Shannon Sharp, one of the worst interviewers I've ever heard. And, like, look, he was an amazing football player. Hall of Fame tight end. Beat the Giants.

Piece of shit. But, God, here's what I love. YouTube, I wonder if there's a compilation, Shannon Sharp laugh. He's got the most girlish laugh I've ever heard. Oh, really? He's just hulking fucking, I mean, I don't know if you've seen this guy shirtless.

He's still shredded. Oh, yeah, he's huge. And his laugh is like, kee-hee-hee. Little Michael Jackson, or Michael Tyson. Oh, here we go. Oh, yeah. What the fuck is that?

That's kind of nice. That does not match the... That sounds like a bridge troll. He's like, how many you got to pass the riddle to get through the bridge? Oh, man. Sorry. That got 30 million views. It fucking funny that laugh no he i mean if it was him doing a straight-up interview i couldn't handle it but luckily catch steamrolls him yeah

takes over totally but i mean i love how he just kept making it about like sports he'd be like you ever been booed he's like you ever dropped the pass like everything they're not the same dropping the pass happens he's so good well nathan mcintosh made the great point he's like that pod was so big that we forgot about the epstein list for a second that's how big it was the epstein list was anticlimactic because we knew most of the names already yeah they keep saying more is coming i don't know it's it's i heard bruce willis but he says he doesn't remember so how can you do better than Stephen Hawking on the fucking list? I know, I know.

That's gold. But, you know, he's a philanderer. He was always kind of stepping out or rolling out. Yeah. But he's a hornball man. That's a sticky keyboard. He was a horny dude. Yeah.

It's kind of motivational when you think about it. He accomplished more in his life. Oh, yeah. Than most people. I mean, I was going to say able life than most people. I mean, I was going to say able-bodied people. Yeah, he's an astrophysicist. Yeah, I mean, he did a lot. Oh, yeah, he's solving for the equation of cream pie.

All right, I'll see you all in hell. There you go. He can't drive, but he's all right with trafficking. Okay. Video to come. I heard someone say he likes to watch, and I was like, that's all he can do. This is my joke where someone was like, he's investigating black holes. Hey.

That's good. I got needs, special needs. All right. Okay, we're having fun. Any word from our guest? Okay, just checking. Well, what should we drink today, by the way? Oh, yeah.

I could make something. Do we have ice? I could scoop some ice up. We could also just maybe do a scotch or something. Do a neat. A little neat. Maybe a bodega. We could fuck with some of that Offerman special.

Oh. He won. Our boy Nick Offerman. Oh, yeah? Shout out to our former great episode with our boy Nick Offerman. What did he win? The Last of Us? He won for The Last of Us.

Oh, really? That was a killer rep. He was awesome. And so was him on ours. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, him on that show was like pretty incredible. That was huge. Yeah, he crushed it, man. And the other guy, I forgot his show was, like, pretty incredible. That was huge. Yeah, he crushed it, man.

And the other guy, I forgot his name, but he's also incredible. Yeah, Gervais won as well. So it was like a big, it felt like a real year. It wasn't like, well, they're checking boxes or what's who, is this really that good? Why'd he win? Why'd she win? This felt like real good picks.

Well, Succession, everyone but Kendall won, and there was the gif of the last shot of Kendall looking sad on the bench. Oh, man. This felt like real good picks. Well, Succession, everyone but Kendall won, and there was the gif of the last shot of Kendall looking sad on the bench. Oh, man. The internet really is unbeaten. Unbeaten. Yeah, Succession ruled. That was such a good show. Oh, yeah.

As Joe List says, Billions, Succession for retards. Billions was good, man. Iions is good man I never got it I never watched it Really? I should check it out First few seasons are killer

Okay I love Giamatti And I like Koppelman And I'm in it And you're in it For an episode And Soder Soder's great in it

I gotta check it out Looks like he's going To get the guests What else is going on? Did you pull some stuff up? Can we pause for a sec Because I want to piss anyway I'm dying to piss.

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juice once it's open nah give that give that a gook, Sally. I'm going to have to open. Ah, it's right on the goddamn label. Well, our guest here is Chad Daniels, everybody. Am I recording right now? Yeah, you're on. One of our favorite comics. He's got a YouTube special out, and it's You Hit Both Sides, which I love.

Oh, thanks. Yeah, everybody's picking a side and going all in. You hit both. Yeah, I'm just right in the middle. Same. We need that. You know, enough's enough already. It's like right and left.

How did you divvy up which material to do? You just had two hours locked and loaded, and you're like, you wanted to do it this way? This was the plan? Yeah, well, so I knew I was going to pay for the camera crew and pay for everybody. So I was like, why not just get both of them out for less money? So it really was the cheap route. And that's why I did it this way. Did you change outfits at least?

I did. I changed the set. I changed outfits. And then just did two different hours. Beautiful. Damn, that's great. That's so funny. That was just for the money.

It was a little weird. Do you remember the scene from Old what's that, Old School, where Will Ferrell is on the debate team? Yes. And then he does that big thing about finance or whatever, and then he goes, oh, my God, I blacked out. I don't know what happened. That's how I felt when I walked off stage a second time

because I didn't do any pickups. Right. We didn't edit it. It was just, that was it. Wow. Oh, yeah, with James Carville. Yeah. That was such a fun movie

this is chad doing his closer there you go well that must be nice because shooting a special is such a ordeal and it's a mind fuck and it's exhausting so that you got it all out in one day, and you're done. Yeah, two of them, and then just moved on. That's great. It was fun. It did feel good. And I'm going to shoot another one March 2nd, and then I'm done shooting for a while.

Jesus Christ. Wait, so you're shooting three in one year? So I did it December 1st, or December 3rd. So it would be, yeah, I guess three in 14 months that's fucking crazy i mean i'm telling you like you know there's there's a little if i would have done if i could have picked it right um netflix bought the second one that i did in madison hey and so thank you but if i if i could have picked i would have just gone rapid fire on these things um but you know i slowed it down and told some stories and stuff like that but yeah we'll see how it goes

all right great well i watched the the youtube one i loved it oh thank you very much yeah check it out i mean you've always been prolific you've always like you know i remember like you were one of the early comics to uh kind of catch some heat with pandora. Yeah. I feel like I learned about Pandora because we had the same agent and she was like, Chad fucking on Pandora, dude. Yeah. I didn't even know.

I got on stage once in Spokane, Washington and this guy yelled out, do IHOP? And then everyone started cheering and I go, how do you guys know what IHOP is? And they were like, Pandora, idiot.

Yeah. I didn't even know there was comedy on Pandora at that point. Wow. So I didn't know anything. You were number one on there for a while yeah for a little bit that's not bad yeah you're in people's homes in their cars yeah and then you got that lawsuit what happened the royalty lawsuit where oh yeah they were trying to get trying to squeeze a little more and they took a bunch of stuff down so i got some i got some dough out of that did you a little bit did you good no because i I bailed on it and I said, I'd rather go back on Pandora.

Well, my problem was Comedy Central fucked me. They were just withholding all these royalties for years. I was like, I don't ever get those royalty checks. And man, it's crazy. Yeah, when you get it in a lump sum, it's a nice little how do you do. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I get that monthly serious money, and that's a nice little finger in the butt because you're like, ooh, I didn't see that coming. Absolutely. And it felt damn good. Yeah, you just get that email. Yes. And then you click artist summary, and you're like, well, what is this about?

A new pair of sneakers? We're getting a steak dinner. What is this? Going to Sizzler. Yeah, but yeah, boy, you're cranking it out, so now you've got to build a new set. Yeah, I'll just do that, but that's going to be hometown stuff, St. Paul. I'm doing that. Nice.

Oh. It's on my, we've got to. Wubbam doll. Is this one going to be on YouTube as well, or are you selling this one too? So I'm not sure about the one on March 2nd. I'm going to do what I did. I'm going gonna do it myself produce it myself and then try to sell it after that yeah i gotta say we did uh the fully

loaded with burt for a couple dates yeah that was fun so fun but burt i got to watch burt watch you and his wife you know leanne is just like oh my god we're all dying in the back because you were doing the the right verse left closer and it was fucking epic in an arena. It was killing. Oh, thanks. Oklahoma City was a fun night. I rode out on that horse and just being an idiot. That was great. This drink might not work. I don't think we have enough lemon, so.

What? I'm fine with the old lemon juice. It can't be that tainted, huh? We'll see if this works. Let's see how it goes. This doesn't look like it's going to work. That's fresh right there. Let me smell this.

So bad good lemon juice. Take one down, pass it around. Yeah. It's fucking bad. Mmm. That's not great. You're not kidding. I've eaten some sour snatch in my day, and that is rough. You're supposed to refrigerate this for sure.

We're so close to this drink working. It might still work. Yeah, look at you. You're like a mad scientist over there. Sometimes you get a drink and you're like, God, there's too much lemon in this. A lot of these lemons offset the sweet, though. Oh, God. We'll see. We'll fake it. If this sucks, I apologize. All right. I bet we'll still drink it.

Maybe you're going to get more. More lemon? Make it with lemon? Nah. Man, this is like bottom of the barrel for us. We need beer, Ju, man. Yeah, I guess we gotta to get more. More lemon? Maybe with lime? Nah. Nah. Man, this is like bottom of the barrel for us. We need beer, Drew, man. Yeah, I guess we got to call him back. We had our old bartender. Oh, hell yeah.

Yeah, but he's not here today, obviously. But we'll get him back. So where are you staying in the city? You doing some spots? No, I don't normally do spots, but I did one last night. I did Bonfire. Oh, yeah. And then Bobby Kelly, I was heading down to the cellar, and he goes, well, hop on this show I'm doing. So I just did one random.

Yeah. And then I hung out and just talked up in the lounge area. Oh, great. Yeah, it was nice. I got to tell you, I took 11 days off because of New Year's and Christmas and all that. For me, that's an eternity. Yeah. I don't know how you feel because you're up in Fergus Falls.

I moved to Minneapolis. Oh, you did? Kelsey and I. I don't know how you feel, because you're up in Fergus Falls. I moved to Minneapolis. Oh, you did? Kelsey and I moved to the big city, you guys. Woo! Yay! Yeah? I can see it changed. How has that changed for you?

It's just two and a half hours closer to the airport. Jesus. That's pretty good. How the fuck did you do the road before that? I mean, I had kids, so it was like, kids are first, then comedy, then other stuff. And so you just got to make sure you're home. Yeah. But, you know, I still got to.

It was weird because I get to raise my kids how I want to raise them, but then also still do comedy, which is my favorite thing. How do you want to raise them? Well. Yeah. Well done. Got it. Yes, cook them all the way through.

Yeah, well, I always talk about you like you're this commando living in the woods, and when there's a show, we're like, call Chad, and you're like, I told you I quit. And then they're like, we need you, though. You're the only guy with the special tools. And then you kind of come out of retirement and come do some show and go back. I hope this doesn't suck, by the way. I'm sure it'll be great. Well, let's cheers it up here, boys.

Hell yeah. It looks like the right color. Paper plane, yeah. Cheers paper plane? All right. Not Alaskan. The door is still on this one. That's very good.

What do you got going in here? Hey, that's great. Pull up that Alaska flight. You got to see this. The door flies off in midair. Pull up that Alaska flight. You've got to see this. The door flies off in midair.

It's Amaro Nonino, Aperol, Bodega Cat Whiskey or Whiskey, and lemon. Nice. It's good. In equal parts. I didn't know the first two things you said. I don't get too fancy. Amaro is like you have, you can just drink that and eat it. It's pretty good.

Okay. Amaro Stoudemire. That sounds like a basketball player. Amaro Nonino. He's on the Bulls this year. Alright, there you go. Look at this. Have you seen this yet? Alaska Air. Their flights are looking pretty cheap right now. And I'm looking at them, I'm

kind of like, it's not going to happen again. The odds are great in your favor. What exactly caused the window of an elevator? Oh, is it a window? Sorry, I thought it was a door. Damn! And they kept flying. No, they had to land in Portland.

Oh. There we go. What? That kid's shirt flew right out of there, they said. Damn. Like right off his body? No, no. It just had, like, a sweatshirt on the seat and it went...

Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. And that must fucking hurt your ears, too. That's got to scare the shit out of you. Oh, my God, I know. Holy hell, we fly more than anyone. Oh, they got the mask coming down. I just flew from Portland on Alaska, actually.

No way. Maybe it was LA. This is wild. I mean, people have to be going nuts right now. I'm surprised there's no screaming. Damn, their stock must be through the floor. Yeah, I would think so. So two people arrived late, didn't get on the flight, and those were those two seats.

No way! That's crazy they were empty seats because that would have probably, I mean, remember that, what was it, Sun Country? I don't want to say because I'm not sure, but it was some, you know, B-level airline, and the window came out, and somebody got sucked into it, and it killed them because it pulled all their blood into their ass or something. What? Yeah, it was really strange. Damn, that's like a Homer Simpson moment. Sucked right in the hole. Holy shit.

Well, that's why you need the fat guy taking the two seats, you know, because then only one person dies. Is that a real law, or is that a joke? I heard that fat people on Southwest, was it? Yeah. Get a free seat. They have to buy two. No, no, they don't have to pay for it. By law.

But our argument was like, all right, what if you're tall? Tall's no good because you're still compact. You're just long. But you're born tall. I think the fat thing is crazy. I think it's unfair to the thin folk. I think, yeah, that's a bit much. Yeah, you got fat. That's not on us. It's unfair to the to the thin folk i think yeah that's a bit much yeah you got fat that's not on us it's not on the airline now they're losing money for a seat because you ate a

waffle other airlines is what they say to you you got fat dude sorry you're fucking gross well my thing with the fat we've covered this before i was a fat kid i got fat families chubby as hell yeah that goddamn mcdonald's game, it got me. Oh. That was like a Ponzi scheme for fat kids because I thought I was going to get boardwalk. Yeah, you need to park in place. There was no fucking boardwalk. No one got that. It was a scam.

There it is. It's praise for customers of size policy. Southwest. There you go. But my thing is if you're fat, that's fine. You can do whatever you want to your body. But when you're spilling into my seat, now it's secondhand fat because now it's affecting me absolutely thank you and it's not like a good feeling it's hot it's like a like a moist kind of yes yes not great the only time it is good is when

you can actually nuzzle into it sure you forgot the neck pillow and you can once they hit a job with a hot level of fat you get to yeah speaking of it's of. It's a bean bag. Might be a good segue. Sam asked me to pull this up earlier. Oh, this disgusts me. I get so mad. I send this to Sal. We send each other videos like this, but this one just makes me angry, this McDonald's one. Okay, we got a burger, nugget, fries wrapped up in a burrito.

Oh, wow. This is why the terrorists hate us. I mean, this is disgusting. Oh, that's fun. But here's the thing. thing i get it i get why people would hate us yeah just kill him right you know what i mean i think he's got that covered yeah don't come for all of us that's i completely agree person yeah yeah oh yeah there's not enough garbage in there jesus christ to me it's like i the making, like, people want to recreate stuff on these things, so they'll do, like, the Taco Bell thing where you put the, you know, you wrap

it up, you put the tortilla in there for the crunch, the gordita crunch thing you want to remake. Oh, the Crunchwrap Supreme. But that's an actual thing. Yes. You're just throwing garbage. You may as well just dump it in a fucking hefty bag and then just chug it, you know? I gotta tell

you i probably would do that one time just to say i did it kfc did it for a minute remember when they did the bowl oh i got that bowl i was like let me try it but then it was like meat meat and meat or something no potato i think a bunch of potatoes and gravy was the killer and cheese yeah no i felt horrible after it was a huge mistake. Well, Patton Oswalt had the whole thing, the sadness pile in a failure bowl, which is so poetic. That was his whole thing on that. And then the double down. Don't forget about the double down. That's what I was thinking.

What was that? That was a chicken breast, chicken breast, meat, like patty between it with cheese. So the bun was the breast. I had a double cheeseburger eating contest at McDonald's once and got five of them. Wow, that's like an apocalypse now with the slow fan. You get the meat sweats even. If you eat too much meat,

I've gotten a few times where I'm like, I just wake up covered in sweat and I'm like, oh shit, that's meat. You're not supposed to eat that much of it. I know, I get that too after barbecue. There's been times in my life I'll wake up sweaty, no meat, just because of other bad decisions right i mean just anything sure yeah the booze sweats that's no joke where you sweat and you're like i smell like gin yes literally and it's all coming out at once yes barbecue when you break it down is just like smoked meats with

sugar that's it it's the worst shit you can pre-show. You're eating. Smoking isn't bad for you. Sugar is bad for you. It's a good point. Meat is bad for you. And then you're like, why am I so fucking lethargic? Yeah.

Not to mention. Because this is poison. It tastes great. It's great poison. You get two sides with that plate. So now you're getting mac and cheese. So now you're getting a carb with the cheese. That's what you get, mac and cheese?

I get the mac and cheese. I don't. And I try to get cheese. That's what you get, mac and cheese? I get the mac and cheese. I don't. And I try to get a collard green, which is my way of. Yeah, you feel better about it. You get the collard greens. You're like, this is healthy. Or a green bean. It's drenched in fucking meat sauce.

Yeah, you put the sauce on that, too, of course, and the mac. I like a good, like, I mean, you're asking for poison, but you get, like, a good bean thing on the side sometimes. Yeah. Like a pinto or something there's a whole thing called fat influencers online where people just you watch them eat like that video we just saw yeah and this lady put a compilation together of some of these fat influencers uh-oh just because i'm fat that doesn't invalidate the things i'm saying she died oh you ready to get supersized she died died too. Today I got the big fruit.

He's dead. She already three. On my fat positive radio show, which didn't last long because she died. Oh my. I don't like, I don't like, like, I don't like how much joy she seems to be having with this though. Yeah. I don't like that.

She's like gloating a little, right? Like, yeah, it's fucking insane that they're doing this, but also like, you know, this isn't like world-class reporting. Yeah. Sure. She's just yelling to her younger sister, bring me another one! I used to watch my 600-pound life at Artie Lang's house, and it was probably the hardest I've ever laughed. It's just him.

He would just, like, commentate on it. Wow. He would just, like, be riffing about how dumb these people are. And I fucking miss Artie Lang,ty lane dude oh he's the man but that tlc has really become the modern day freak show you know it's like the fattest people on earth midgets uh it just goes on and on like i have 12 kids or whatever it's just a freak show but on tv is that the russian wife show yes that too uh that one yeah yeah, yeah. It's all TLC. Look, that's my 400-pound life. He's not far off.

Those 200 pounds make a big difference, though. Yeah, that's true. Those last 200 will get you. Man, he was funny. We're talking about him like he's dead. He's still alive. Yeah, what are we doing here? Yeah. I haven't seen him in a while.

I was just wondering, like, what did I miss? No, no, no. He's so fucking funny. I remember Joe Macie and i went on his show once like years like probably maybe 12 years ago whenever he had that direct tv oh yeah i went on that and uh and we went on and mackie goes i i already uh i already bombed twice tonight and and already goes here and where else oh man he's the only guy I've seen get a tell dying. It tells like rolled over laughing at Artie Lang. Oh, nice.

Yeah. He was like radio gold because he was a great storyteller, but he was just so freaking quick as well. I know. All right. I feel like you left all your garbage. You came here. We've talked about the double down, the sadness bowl, fat people. I'm like, all right, we got to steer away from garbage.

How about those Knicks? I'm fucking loving it hey i'm sure you are rocking a new york knicks yeah i haven't watched the knicks since uh like patrick ewing used to make excuses about his fingers oh yeah for playoff games just in case he did poorly right right and then he would dominate and he'd be like yeah i did that with a bad finger. I loved it. It taught me how to do a pre-excuse. Right. And I've used it my whole life. Pre-excuse is good.

Yeah. I like that. I'm going to use that with the wife. I've been having trouble getting it up lately. Have you really? No, I'm saying pre-excuse. That was in college. You go, well, I haven't done this in a while, so it might be fast.

Right. And then it isn't, and you're you're like well Patrick Ewing did it you go up on stage with some notes you're like let me try some new shit out it's just your hour you've been touring with all your closers from all your hours let me fuck around I've never done the Patrick Ewing figure

but when I ate a girl out once she gave me the Mutombo whatever happened to him he's around I got him to do a cameo for one of my specials yes oh really i got him pull it up somewhere it's great he crushed it i just gave him a script to read and he basically just nailed it uh yeah just look samuel no cameo matumbo but uh he's got his own coffee he's a humanitarian wow he's okay uh he i got his autograph when i was a kid after i just would wait outside and i had a blue warm-up on me and i handed him a black sharpie to autograph it and he did this and he takes out his own pen it was blue so he just signed blue on blue so it just didn't show up he thought he was doing like something cool i was like thanks oh damn autograph fail is that no no that's not it it's on my

instagram okay it's probably from a long time ago you're a sports guy football yep vikings yes there you go yes unfortunately is it true that that Bill Murray owns a baseball team called the Twins of Minor League? I think he... It's the St. Paul Saints, and I think he used to own them. Maybe he got out of it now. Oh, okay. But he used to frequent that place, and people loved it. Man, I would love to bump into him.

Some of the stories I hear where he grabs the french fries, and he just goes, no one's ever going to believe you. That kind of shit is wild. And I love when people use their celebrity for that. I completely agree. I've heard of him showing up at frat parties with a case of beer. Yeah, in Austin, Texas. Yeah, like pretend I'm not here.

I wonder if it's ever not worked. I wonder if people just don't know who he is. They're just like, no, fuck you, old guy. Imagine rejecting Bill Murray. I know. Well, he's a weird looking guy. He's old as shit now. And I think some Gen Z-er would probably be like who's this creep that's what i mean like we love bill murray but i mean he he really got away with being like a cool dick that was like yeah we

watch the groundhog's day he's just a dickhead but you but he's so charismatic scrooged yeah the same thing quick uh quick change change that's a good one it's hard to pull off the cool likable dick now because uh it's all about like being positive and nice and all that so yeah now if you're a dick everyone's like this person this is why they're a dick yes started we're tweeting yeah they do a flashback the mom's beating them yeah yeah but even jimmy fallon they're like that guy who worked from was like he's so mean you're like come on he's your boss what are we doing here also that guy's mean i don't believe it i don't think so either yeah i mean how were you raised

that's like i've all met him i mean he's like he's a cool dude very cool guy what were you i was gonna say i i started doing comedy at acme Comedy Company, and it's Spoil City, right? The open mic is 300, standing room only. Great club. Everybody's loud. And then you get out and you go do a bar show, and you're like, oh, my God. This is what comedy actually is? Right, right.

So you feel like, what kind of parenting, what kind of upbringing did you have if Fallon's a dick? Exactly. That's wild. I mean, you're just so spoiled and out of touch. I do think a lot's a dick? Exactly. That's wild. I mean, you're just so spoiled and out of touch. I do think a lot of it's like people just get so much, like they're searching for so much positive reinforcement now that maybe like that's what social media is. Everyone's on their phone. Everything's for them. So if your boss isn't like kissing your ass now, I feel like they're just like, wait, why aren't you, why are you doing more for me?

Yeah, I hate to breaking news, you guys but um words of affirmation isn't everyone's love language so fucking sack up dude yes you're working on 30 rock on the tonight show yeah i'll tell you that's a p by the way is just people's love language where it's like that's my love language i'm like well i don't like that yeah you have it like my girlfriend will do that where she'll be like well well, buying you stuff is my love language. I'm like, well, stop buying me shit. I live in a cramped apartment in New York City. Right.

You got me like eight sweatshirts. And I was like, what is this shit? Jesus. It's nice, but it's like now I have to like go return this shit. And it's a tough thing to complain about, too. I know. It's gifts. So I'm like, it is annoying.

And they're saying it's their love language, which is then you're rejecting. Yes. But you can't come up with, you know, it's not like my love language is hundred dollar bills and blow jobs there's like five cemented in love language you have to pick between yeah my love language is getting my ass eaten you know i've actually said that to it it's like i do that's what i prefer giving and receiving yes Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That love language shit caught on real quick and I don't like it. It's another thing. It's like, well, it's about you.

Exactly. It's not about the person you're supposedly loving. Yes. Yes. I know this guy. He's a very funny comic and he's like, my girlfriend's love language is words of affirmation, giving them, but I get so uncomfortable when people give me compliments so it hurt you know she's like this is my love language and he's just shrinking in the kitchen because he can't handle it all yeah

handle those words of affirmation he's like leave me alone just tell me i'm nice once in the morning and then stop please well we need a hate language if we're gonna have a love language you need we need the opposite to say like I don't want this I think there's just Twitter yeah I guess so I guess so but it's like if you're giving me your love thing I also should be able to say all right well I don't like this something I don't like this thing just because you should be able to turn it down yeah it's like getting hit on in a bar right hey I'd like to take you home no thank you and then all of a sudden it's your love language so I able to turn it down. Yeah. It's like getting hit on in a bar, right? Hey, I'd like to take you home. No, thank you.

And then all of a sudden it's your love language, so I have to accept it? Exactly. It doesn't work that way. My love language is sexual assault. I'm feeling rejected right now. There you go. My love language is not accepting other love languages. Ever. That's pretty good.

That could be something. That could be a bit. Do you have any peeves? Because I got one. Let's hear it. Well, I don't know if you've ever come across this, but the guy who's trying to think of what you're going to say before you finish saying it, but he's all wrong.

Oh, so he interrupts you. Yes. Annoying Mad Libs. Yes, exactly. Exactly. And I can see him like, he's like mouthing it and getting all excited. So he interrupts you. Yes. Annoying Mad Libs. Yes, exactly, exactly. And I can see him like, he's like mouthing it and getting all excited. And I'm like, no, no, let me just say it and then we'll go from there. Stop trying to figure it out as I'm saying.

I guess he's kind of bored with me talking or something. He needs spoilers with every TV show. Yeah, right. No spoilers. Just let me finish. That's weird when people who like, I was talking to my mom and she was like, well, what happens in the movie? I was like, well, I don't want to tell you if you're going to see it.

She's like, no, I like spoilers. I'm like, that's weird to me. I've never heard anyone say that. Some people like spoilers. Wow. I was in Columbia, Missouri one time. First of all, let me back up. Deja vu?

Yeah. Bad room. My girlfriend is going to be watching this. And so when you brought up someone trying to finish your sentences. Wait, your girlfriend watches your podcast?'m sure really yeah and i know for a fact that she is probably right now vibrating a little bit going like aren't you gonna tell them you interrupt me all the time so i would like to tell you sometimes so she she's one of these people that and and i love it she thinks about what she's gonna say before she says says it. Okay. I am a fuck you, oops, sorry, five minutes later.

Yeah, yeah. I don't think about anything. I just go in. Okay. And she thinks about it. So while she's thinking about it, I'm getting like antsy, so I'll try to guess what she's going to do. And she's like, just fucking let me collect my thoughts.

But that's different. I think what you're saying is different than what he's saying. I think Mark is like telling a story and the person keeps guessing. Yes. I think you're describing someone being like, uh, that's different. Yeah. So what you're saying is they're trying to, if you were watching a comic, it's like trying to guess the punchline.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. I think it's different. I think she's not getting to the thing. Whereas Mark is telling the story and you're just being interrupted. Yeah. Pretty much.

Sure. Well, yeah, it feels like interrupting, but I do see the difference. So, okay. Columbia, pretty much. Sure. Well, yeah, it feels like interrupting, but I do see the difference. So, okay. Columbia, Missouri. Deja vu. I get heckled by this lady. Say some pretty nasty shit to her. She's screaming at me.

I go, listen, I don't have much time left. Let's meet at the bar, whatever, if you want to talk about it. Her husband's there. And they leave and they're pissed off and they call the owner. He's mad at me. Yep. I go to um the life of david gale it's oh yeah that movie kevin spacey kevin spacey and uh like 50 twists and turns in

this thing good movie and i'm walking out and i hear there's the comedian now you hear that tone and you go keep walking but not me right my ego goes matt must be me yeah it's this lady and her husband and she's like uh what movie did you go see and i went life of david gale and she goes uh well he's probably funnier than you and i was like okay and i go what movie you're going to see and she said same movie and then i told them both what happened and i don't i don't think they wanted the spoiler but uh man i mean just to be great if you ran back into them two years later for K-Pax. Just every Spacey movie. And then you really spoil where you're like, he's going to touch some kids.

Wow. He's acquitted, though. That's true. I shouldn't say that. You shouldn't say that. He got off. But you're right. He was cleared of all charges.

When you say it like that. Yeah. That's hilarious. You did that. But you're right. He was cleared of all charges. When you say it like that. Yeah. That's hilarious. You did that. I remember that club. That fucking stunk. That weekend was rough. You know, I actually liked it for the most part.

There was a dance club downstairs. Yeah, that wasn't my favorite part. So I was married, kids. So I went up in the DJ booth with this guy, Q. He was like the DJ for the night. And I would always just watch because I never wanted to go down and dance. I never wanted to like get in trouble or whatever. Yeah.

But I'd sit up and watch. And that was kind of fun just watching all these college kids do that stuff. But yeah, it could be tough. First time I ever worked Cat Williams. Whoa, you worked with Williams? I was supposed to. So Kevin Hart had that weekend. Okay.

And then they had the same management or something, or maybe agent. But Kevin Hart had something to do. Cat Williams comes in, and they called me like, hey, do you want to work with Kevin Hart? And I'm like, yeah. And then they go, he canceled. Then I'm going to cancel. And they go, nah, you might like this guy. So I go, fur coat.

So I get off stage, full full fur coat head to toes cowboy boots giant belt buckle like as big as a dinner plate yeah and then he had two gorgeous like six foot two blondes wow walk him up to stage what in in the middle of missouri wow which was great and then he fucking murdered so hard he's the I think he's probably the only one of the only hand letters I've ever worked with that I watched every single second of every single show Wow was it like a co-headliner you opened I guess I opened oh yeah I thought I was gonna be opening for Kevin Hart and I knew he had all the success I'm like yeah I'll come down and

open for that of sure and there's a deja vu? It was a deja vu, yeah. Wow. Damn. Was it a black crowd? No. Interesting. It was, so it was still, Thursday night was college night, and then it was like half college, half townies, Friday and Saturday. And dude, he destroyed. And he had a cowboy hat. Wow.

It was insane. But it was so, so fun to watch. I remember having one really good set there, and I remember one really bad one. I remember, like, and Greg Warren hooked me up with Mizzou Tickets. Sure. Oh, nice. Yeah, went to the football game. There you go.

Yeah, man, Cat Williams. Was he cool? Was he nice? Very cool. Yeah. Very nice guy. Did he watch any of your stuff? Yep.

Very complimentary, but you never know, like, if that's just, you know, bullshit. I don't know, dude. He doesn't seem like the type to sugarcoat that's just you know bullshit i don't know dude he doesn't seem like the type to sugarcoat it yeah well i don't know i mean this is a long time ago yeah obviously he was working a club and he was filling in for somebody so it's clearly isn't that crazy kat williams is doing a fill-in weekend yeah wow this is like a freaking arena act well yeah i mean what was that 88 i don had to have been, man, maybe early 2000s. Damn. That's incredible. It was outrageous, though.

To watch him walk up in a cowboy hat, boots, the fur coat, everything, and then have the models bring him up. Yes. It was just outrageous. To watch everyone. What a weird expense. I know. To be like, this is what I'm going to drop my money on. You see what people, they have built in for their deal. He's a weird expense. I know. You know, to be like, this is what I'm going to drop my money on.

You see what people like they have built in for their deal. He's a showman. Our rider is like nuts and fruit. He's like, I need two fucking models. I need two Scandinavian oars. What do they have to do? Is he like that in the green room? Is he still Cat Williamsy in the green room?

Or is he kind of shut down a little? Not really shut down, but I mean just still very very cool very funny wow but you seem like the type of guy he would like because you're kind of like you know we all were like the three of us were all kind of like club journeymen you know i think he seemed at least from that interview to like that yeah that wasn't his problem he liked people that paid their dues sure yes you know the way he talked about uh being like a journeyman the clubs and the people he liked and what he really didn't like just makes me think about movies like Bull Durham where you're like, this dude is a fucking lifer in the minor leagues. He went up to the show for like 21 days.

There's something beautiful about just being a lifer in the minor leagues because you just fucking love it. When we all started, there wasn't this type of success for for stand-ups it wasn't like this booming upper middle class it was kind of like you were like jim carrey or you were like a fucking bottom of the road headliner you know so it is cool that there's we are in a boom right now oh yeah absolutely there are more arena acts now than ever before it's insane and it's like peers i know i know and then all our friends who have like millions and millions of dollars and uh big houses it's wacky yeah it's pretty interesting because we just got into this like maybe i won't have a day job maybe i'll get a movie one day you know and now it's like hey maybe i could be segura

you know maybe i can fly private one day who knows when i started i was like i just don't want to have a boss yeah that's it and now you get you know a bunch of shit that goes with it too it's outrageous what do you like what's your clubs like what you do clubs you're doing theaters right now what are you doing I do mostly clubs I mean like 98 percent clubs yeah what are your rooms are you like your favorite markets to have right now? Cities, markets. I sound like a fucking agent. Kill me. What are your favorite cities? I like, I'm doing Tempe coming up.

I really like that place. Yeah, Phoenix is great. It was interesting. One time I did the Tempe improv one night, and then I did stand-up live the next night. 15-minute drive, completely different responses to the exact same jokes. Isn't that fascinating? I just didn't, I didn't know if it was because it was on the campus, Tempe or something, but it was outrageous. Oh, you like Tempe better than me.

I ate shit at stand-up. Really? I mean, maybe not ate shit, but it wasn't good. I like doing that. I like doing that room. Stand-up live? Yeah. Yeah, I like them both.

I've never done Tempe, but I've done stand-up live a few times. It's always solid. I mean, Phoenix as a whole is a great market. Yeah, really good. But I was just really surprised that that 15-minute drive did it. Isn't that weird? I mean, sometimes I'm – I was at the Cellar two nights ago. I did a joke, a new joke downstairs in the Village Underground, fucking killed.

Then I go upstairs for new jokes to try it again, eat shit. I'm like, literally, I went upstairs. Yeah, yeah. There's floorboards between that those two jokes but yeah isn't that weird i mean like yeah you just don't know there's a time in milwaukee at this old uh old club milwaukee comedy cafe yeah been there i was doing this joke late show crickets and i was so fucking mad that they just weren't giving anything that i record all my sets on my phone and so i pulled up the set from before and i found that joke and i go here's what's

supposed to happen and i put it on the mic i'm like how is this different that's exactly how i told how did they react lazy pieces of shit well that's why comedy's so frustrating because you shoot a basketball it goes in that's two points but you shoot a basketball at comedy cafe at the late show. And I don't get the two points. It doesn't make sense. That was the thing that Kat kept saying in the interview where he was like saying, this is a sport.

I'm like, no, it's not. That was one part where I'm like, this is not a sport. This is a knife fight. This is entertainment. Yeah.

Sport is like clear and cut facts. He's the winner. He's the loser. This is, things change in comedy. I know. Crowds change. It's, that's the winner, he's the loser. Things change in comedy. I know. Crowds change. I mean, I think he approaches it like a sport, clearly,

like the amount of hours he does, the amount of touring he does. Sure. And I get that. But it's just, yeah, I don't, to me, this is not, we're not athletes. You do have to take care of yourself with all the traveling we do. It's more of a. Guys who have a drinking podcast sure it's more of a blue collar job i think because you got to just go up go up like the joke worked there then it didn't work in the next spot your place downstairs upstairs totally different response that's why you got to keep running it

running it running it running it just to get a baseline of like it's almost like a median how does this joke do it's not gonna work everywhere right so i gotta get it to work as many places i can and just keep rounding those edges off it's a it's a tough gig yeah it's like putting a puzzle together yeah for sure yeah but that puzzle might not work in this room but it's the same pieces it's fucking weird but that's why comedy's hard i guess you ever get uh summer money at the comedy cafe what does that mean they just pay you shit they pay you way less yeah because it's the summertime wow but here's the thing you were talking about you're doing the same hour you did in the winter but you're getting paid less for it

because the sun's out even though it's packed right man that's bullshit these are times where i'm not i'm not selling any tickets basically people are going to the club right um but they you know they'd but you're but you're getting booked because they know you're gonna kill yeah and then they tell you when you get there hey don't know if they told you it's summer money week what when you get there and it's you know so they want the same hour but uh couldn't do it so you do you do 30 and then you spend summer money show and then you spend the last 15 telling a story that doesn't have an ending and you get off stage you're like what the fuck was that and like somerset dude you know uh because you can't do that you can't know as hard as you're you know you've been working you can't do that. You can't work as hard as you've been working.

But they all do that. That's crazy. Coming up now, it's like I pay people to book me on local radio shows and stuff because it's in my best interest to sell the tickets. But when you're getting a flat rate back in the day. Right. And they're like, three shows Saturday, morning radio, 6 a.m. pickup Friday morning. You're like, all right. Condo.

Condo. And you're like, okay, but this, what's my motivation for doing a six? What's my motivation for selling more tickets? Like, obviously, I want to have more fans. But, like, what's my motivation when only you guys see a benefit from it? Like, it makes no sense to me. Totally. And also, you know that it doesn't really help that much.

I know. But, like, now I do it just because I'm like, fuck it. It's good to just be in the system, I guess. I don't know. And then when you start, sorry, when you start killing it, they're like, remember when we helped you? And you're like, motherfucker, you put me through the gauntlet. Oh, that's every, that was, Mark and I were laughing our ass off

at JFL this year in Montreal. And literally, we're, we're having the most fun. We went to Joe Beef with Joe and Ann. We're drinking martinis. We're getting fucked up. And then we get to the festival party, and we're just getting cornered by people who dicked us out of a bonus 12 years ago.

Like, how you been? I'm like, avoiding you for 12 years. I'm like, I've avoided your texts for 12 years. You think I want to chill? I know, I know. you couldn't get an inch without those blood suckers we were like i see mark across the room and it was like i can't get the mark i can't yeah it was like walking dead you're like whoa you're dodging them do you remember when i bumped you up from 1200 to 1300 after you've been to my club five times exactly the funny thing though is when i was like brand new to the road that meant so much to me.

And I knew clubs were like, I remember doing this club. Now it's called Dead Crow. Formerly it was called Nut Street. I remember Nut Street. I was getting paid jack shit, but he saw the weekend, and I did really well. And he was like, I threw you a few extra hundred. And you didn't have to do that. So when you're a young comic, you're like, holy shit.

Shout out, Timmy. Appreciate it. I like that room. That type of stuff was like, and also that's a cool comic, you're like, holy shit. Shout out, Timmy. Appreciate it. I like that room. That type of stuff was like, and also that's a cool city, Wilmington, North Carolina. Underrated city. It's like a weird New Orleans over there. I feel like they film, I think they film one of the Iron Mans there. They do, yeah.

It's a cool, it's like a cool beach town. North Carolina's got some cool pockets. Agreed. I've never been, but those bonuses, you're right, when they don't have to. But then 10 years later, you're doing the math and you're like, oh, that 3% of what you got. Yeah. Yeah, but they weren't killing it as a club. It was strictly just him being like, I appreciate it.

And that goes such a long way. But I know what you mean when they're crushing it. See if that's still there, Dead Crow. It's still there. Is it? Okay, good. Because that was a cool room. There's a clip of, I think, Louie's on Conan maybe, and he's talking about Acme, where he did Acme,

and right when he started blowing up and making money, and Louis gave him an envelope filled with $10,000 cash for a bonus because he sold out all the shows and everybody drank a ton. And so that kind of stuff. You hear those stories and you're like all right yeah when somebody gives you that much money you go oh i'm about to be on my way yes and you don't forget that right as a headliner you remember that guy louis also has a story uh where he i think he sold out every show and it's funny i have a story about this guy too. But he was like, you got to do morning radio. And he goes, I sold out every show.

Why do I have to do it? And he goes, you have to. And he was just like, no. And he's like, you got to do it or else. And we just kept saying no. And he just showed up and didn't do it. And the guy was pissed. But he's like, fuck you.

I think about that all the time because I remember I never missed morning radio. I never missed TV or anything. you got initials on this guy uh you know rm okay yeah but uh yeah you know but i remember i missed a morning tv spot and i never did and i was like i never i was like what the fuck happened my fucking i used the iphone alarm and my iphone broke so i didn't have an alarm so that's literally why I missed it. I was like 10 minutes late and I was like, I'm running over. I'll do whatever. And they were like, you missed it.

And he wrote me this long email like, man, you really screwed up, man. And I was like, I'm so sorry. And then you look back and you're like, I had to fucking grovel over a fucking morning. I never do. That would have sold one ticket maybe, if anything. Those morning TVs are about to only help when we throw a fucking wrench in the tires. Exactly.

But yeah, I remember my agent, all of our former agent was like, you got to send him a long apology note. Remember those days? Such a silly business, man. But at the time, you're like, I'll do whatever I got to do. And then there's a club owner, Columbus, ohio um his initials dave stroop and uh don't cut that because this is a compliment okay i like dave yeah i think he's that's a great

room i mean like i've been invited to his kids graduations like all that stuff his his boy came out when i was in denver once watch the show but uh i got fired from that place three different times once the first of all the staff brought me and i'm not blaming them because i'm a grown-up but they brought me to the michigan ohio state game at the horseshoe and it was a three show saturday and so i just got fucking wasted i got lost i tried to run back to the club completely without they to come get me. I was hammered when I got there. It was brutal.

So he's like, OK, you're fired. Yeah. I go, yeah, of course. Fire myself. It's ridiculous. And then the next time I brought the staff back to the condo and we were playing like toilet paper football where you use the toilet paper roll for the football. And everybody's just like hammered having a great time but you know there was blood on the carpet from knees and a hole in the drywall that kind of shit kelsey cook was working fired again yeah and then uh somebody

put uh coca-cola in the iron and the next person there used it oh wow and it gummed up their pants yeah and so fired again but dave was always like here's the deal let's just let it calm down a little bit and then i can bring you back yeah he's one of those guys where you know if he liked you or if you had a history with him it was you could fuck up but you i mean obviously you had to apologize i don't think he liked me till i sold tickets i because I remember trying to work there as a feature, and he gave me like a... Oh, by the way, this is you talking to Dave Stroop when you showed up drunk.

Play that, Salicuse. I'm not fueled by a law. I've had a sip. Less than you. He's so fucking captivating. I'm just like, I want to watch the whole thing now. I love that he was clearly drinking before the interview and it yeah less than you i love him but uh yeah my truth dude uh yeah i remember he wrote me it was like a polite rejection but it was like hey did all right

didn't hit it out of the park or anything and then uh and then he he he's someone else i forgot it was he gave him a similar rejection he was like like, yeah, it wasn't a slam dunk. It was like, it was like, Oh, it was always a sports metaphor. Yeah. It, a couple of things about Stroop. We, we bonded once over breakfast after morning radio and we like really got to know each other. He told me a Geraldo story. Geraldo, of course, famous drug addict, drunk, crying in the green room.

Famous for being a great comic, not famous for being a drug addict. Sure. Sure. One of the best comics ever. We were, I was talking about how great he was and he's like, I got a story. And I was like, all right. So he's crying in the green room he's shithoused he's fucked up he's doing lines the whole thing and he goes geraldo they're calling your name this place is sold out they're here to see you you're one of the best comics work and

get out there he's like i can't do it i can't do it he's going through some shit and he goes you gotta get out there and he threw water on him picked him up threw him on stage killed got a standing ovation that's like that's showbiz right there i know seems about right that's amazing god damn he was like a kingmaker remember everybody was like stroop i'm auditioning for stroop it's all about stroop and he was like making breaking people it's like american idol remember arty lang's giraldo story where like i guess g guess Greg was you know spiraling from you know the stuff he was on and they went to a roast and you know Artie was like Greg was freaking out apparently at the

there's Artie's story that I'm paraphrasing but he's freaking out at the airport and he's like Artie's like I'm a drug addict I'll take care of you I know what you need he's like literally holding his hand through this shit like whatever I can do I'll help you Artie's like I love you man like you know we're in this they're going to the comedy central roast greg somehow shows up he's looking great he's like the hair is slicked back he's looking awesome his opening line arty lang you

fat fucking drug addict and he just turns to him like this that's comedy the show's gotta go on i gotta get laughs and if your feelings are gonna get hurt that's the breaks yeah he's the fucking best he was one of the best comics ever i mean oh yeah i'm a big fan unbelievable did you ever meet giraldo i did oh yeah i'm at the comedy cafe that's where i met him when i did my audition guest set to get work there he was uh his headlining wow there you go yeah he was that was a comedy was a different thing back there was felt more niche kind of underground kind of rough around the edges like all the comics were like heroin addicts and drunks and now half of them are dead it was like a wild west back then and now it's very much of a like

it was harder to find success back then. Because, like, look at where we find success is through social media and stuff like that. And these guys were doing, like, they were doing the same shit as us. It just wasn't reaching as many people. Because, you know, say Greg would crush on Conan or Letterman. Like, that was just gone. You had that night to see it. Yes.

Yeah. I mean, to get work, I was sending out VHS tapes. Wow. I had a master. I remember that. And then I would go VCR to VCR and make a bunch of these six-minute audition tapes and send them out. There you go. I did that because the comic strip was like they only had a VHS machine.

So you'd have to go to the CVS and you'd put in a tape. Yeah. God, I'd cringe to see myself in those tapes. Oh, we got to find those. Yeah, we sure do we gotta find those tapes yeah just embarrassing yeah i had the cd like a little dvd like the ones you write on you know yeah that was my thing i found one of my old ones from indianapolis and i was doing this bit about how as this guy had just been killed by his wife beat him to death with

a frying pan and i was like uh you know, something like, what is she, a cartoon? And I'm crawling across the stage. Tink, tink, tink. Tink, tink, tink, tink, tink. And it's like physical comedy. And I'm watching it. And I'm like, if I get up to press stop on this, I might walk right to the kitchen and slit my throat. So I had to sit on the couch until the shame went away it was fucking brutal

damn those old sets are tough you're like how did i even think that was good what was going through my head you know you sound weird you look weird you're moving weird you're taking chances because you don't know who you are yet so you're like am i a physical dude you just are kind of doing what you like yeah i liked all kinds of comedy so i was like i don't know what the fuck i am like you know you watch like jim carrey you watch eddie murphy you're like yeah well i don't know who i am but right can you explain why my voice was an octave higher i mean i had gone through puberty but i was just like maybe this will get you yeah i mean it was fucking so gross it was the same way i'm like sweating thinking about it oh yeah i remember one of my first jokes was uh i was gonna get the knife out because this might get ugly i would say uh you know they say when

something's hard it's no picnic hey that that uh math test was no picnic but picnics are easy you get some uh some food together a a blanket, picnic. There's your bit. No, no, no. The joke is that it's- Was it different than that? Well, I mean, a picnic is easy, so it does make sense. Wait. Maybe it was the other way.

That's no picnic. Because, yeah, picnics, but my joke was picnics are actually hard. You got to get food together, a basket. You got to go out. There's an ant there in the woods. You get bitten. Picnics suck. The sun's shining. That was the woods you get bitten picnics suck the sun's shining that was the bit and it was like this is back from when picnics were cool i know i know but i think when people like picnics i just thought you had to be the 80s guy like

what's up with this this is weird you can hear somebody's first joke and you can go you start in 90 yeah right right well you just are watching shit like i mean i remember like watching i'd like rent whatever i could see it'd be like you know youtube wasn't a thing like that so you just like okay i guess uh i'll try to find an evening at the improv dvd and now you're doing an impression of like fucking dennis wolfberg teacher of the year yeah that's true teacher of the year he was fucking funny he was funny yeah he was really. I remember staying up for evening at the improv and it would come on and they'd show him in the beginning and be like, all right, I'll watch until he's on. Yeah.

Because some of the people you'd seen and you're like, I could do without this. Pull up some Wolfberg. There's got to be some great, it's going to be a 20 minute setup. I remember being in college and just you're like, like Comics Unleashed. You're like, all right, who is it? Yeah. And if it's like someone you really like, you'd stick it out. But then some of those, I mean, that show, Mark's got the best comics on leash story.

What? Oh. They retain enough water to qualify for federal assistance. They grow varicose veins that make their legs look like roadmaps. And they pee 80, 90 times a day. I'm telling you, my wife, she peed around the clock. Any other appliance that happened to be within. Hey, that's funny.

Unbelievable the incredible degree of pain that she would do. And she would wake up every morning nauseous with morning sickness and retching and gagging. And she'd complain. And I'd say, but sweetheart, you're glowing. Imagine this is your biology teacher. And he just makes it onto you. You're like, what the fuck, Mr. Wolfberg? Well, that just happened to someone, didn't it?

Didn't someone get in trouble for that recently? Being a stand-up? Yeah, there was a story. He got in trouble. He appealed his firing because he was like, my stand-up's actually good. Oh, I didn't hear about this. It was like a story. But Dennis Wolfberg, man, he's like, and so if you want a balloon to rise, you have to get the helium.

I mean, that would be the weirdest teacher to have i know i know he's a kook but that we've come so far with comedy because it's like cool now we got you get you see wolfberg to matt rife it's funny how it's like that was a comic like a weird looking guy who's still comics like him who it's just who are like him i don't know there's comedians who are i mean i love that kind of style i like that old uh i think there are a There's comedians who are. I mean, I love that kind of style. I like that old. I think there are a lot of comedians that aren't, you know, that good looking and kind of weirdish stuff. None in this room. All right.

They, I think they, it is harder probably now because you're like. It's so visual. They're like, can we cast you in something? Well, I guess you almost have to be like really fat. Exactly. You can't be like really fat. Exactly. You can't be just like that. Right, right. But like Louis Anderson or John Panette, like these were the comics I watched growing up.

Oh, man. I just watched John Panette's You Go Now. Oh, my God. It's one of the best bits of all time. This is iconic comedy bit. But if you look it up on here, so what they had to do for the clip is you know how they take out all the laughter

and get to the next thing? So he just looks like a full-ass racist. Because it's so endearing when you watch it live. He was a murderer. I remember when I did like a bringer show. I was like a young comic doing a bringer show and he was like one of the special guests and my mom sat through some fucking bad,

my mom wanted to see me, and she had sat through some fucking bad comedy, and then she was like, all right, he saved it. He was really good. Whoa, there you go. She also sat through, Rich Voss went on,

and he called a woman in the crowd, he goes, miss, look at you, you're a two on a Tuesday. My mom was like, who was that repulsive man? He's actually a really funny guy. He's funny. But you got to shield your mom from him.

Don't talk about her. If you talk about your mom, you're going to tase his ass. Yeah, man. Panette used to. I love Buzz. People used to bring Panette full cheesecakes from the Cheesecake Factory. Wow. It was wild.

That's not good. No, but it was. It was fucking crazy. But it's funny because this guy is so sweet. You worked with Factory. Wow. It was wild. That's not good. No, but it was fucking crazy. But it's funny because this guy is so sweet. You worked with him. Yeah. Sweet guy, endearing guy, nice guy. Asians love him.

But now this would just be just torn up to pieces. Like this is so offensive. If you just do that bit. Like him with one of the cheesecakes. Yeah, right. So you're like, let it. I sounded Asian there. But let it lie a little.

It's in the intent. We shouldn't just attack people. Also, shit changes. What you can say comedically is going to change. That's fine. Comedy will evolve. Yeah. And guess what?

If you're going up to the line with a bit, you're going to have some fucking misfires. Sure, sure. Yeah, and I also think, right, he wrote this in 80s late 80s and so i do think you you should have to apply the you know what the rules of that time to whatever you're doing because now if you see this now you're like oh fuck that's why i love the movie birth of a nation you know i think uh but no yeah you gotta it's like going hey this milk is one cent you're like well yeah that was right 1904 yeah things change you really do you have to yeah you have to think about what was going on in the world at the time of course you can't just

watch it through today's lens that's insane yeah but sometimes it feels like people want to drum it up just like we need something to ruin you know know? So let's go back to John Wayne. You're like, well, he's been dead. What are we doing here? I think people fear happiness. I think so, too. I think if you don't have a problem to work on, you can't just sit there and enjoy the happiness you found. You got to find something to pick apart or you're going to go crazy.

Fun is bad. People don't like fun. They sure don't. Tell somebody you had a good day and see how that fucking goes. Best of luck to you. fun is bad people don't like fun they sure don't tell somebody you had a good day and see how that fucking that's literally like a like studies or people post that they're happy on instagram like makes you sad oh yeah someone's like just got a promotion to work i get a great wife i love my kid you're like fuck this motherfucker right you hate that i guess so yeah that's like every study is like their happiness but if you see someone sad it does you're like all right i don't know if it's more like i'm not alone or what.

I don't think we're like monsters, like good someone suffering. But I think it's more like, you know, okay, things are tough. It's funny you say that. This Gypsy Rose, you been hearing about this? Sure. She killed her mom and all that. I was just in Springfield. Oh, jeez.

Yeah. So that's their claim to fame. I'm going. How is that? Blue Room? Yeah. It's good. Okay.

Yeah. Well, point being, I'm watching going, this is fucking horrific. But I'm like, man, I feel better about my fucked up life. You know, like all the shit I've done and said, I'm like, all right, I'm not killing the mom. That's pretty good. Yeah. So there is something to that. Well, there's actually studies been done about like countries that have a harsh winter and are dark a lot of the year have less suicide than sunny places.

a harsh winter and are dark a lot of the year have less suicide than sunny places because when you're all in the dark you're like well at least there are people commiserating with me right you're sad and it's sunny and you see people having fun around you and you still don't find that joy that's when it's like hawaii suicide's high in hawaii that's interesting but also suicide's also high in seattle upstate new york those are bad weather places. But Seattle, they, so Minnesota gets less sunshine than Seattle per year. I think they say there's so much rain because it rains every day, but it just rains for like 15 minutes. Interesting. So I don't want to listen. Seattle people, keep your emails to yourself.

Yeah. Well, I don't want to get too sad here, but some, some queef made a compilation of, or side by side of 2022's new year's big ball drop and then 2024 and it's quite a difference because i think fun is is weird now fun is out so like 2002 they're like ah happy new year they're making out they're kicking balloons they're having a great time and then this one was like, Happy New Year. There it is. There it is. And look, it's not the starkest contrast, but.

Oh, look at this. Yeah. There's a kissing. There's balloons everywhere. Hey. That was a gross ass kiss. A little bit. What were they, birds?

Brother and sister maybe? Well, you can do that then. Look at those people though. It's confetti. They're going ape shit. Where is this? I think it's all over. Yeah, it's like Tokyo and Manhattan.

I think they were still just happy that Y2K didn't happen. Oh, wait. Okay. This is today. This is today. Just some guy slid in his wrist. That's a sad kiss. Look at that.

No movement. No confetti. No balloons. Nothing. And it's somber. The music is sad. Yeah. I mean, what is going. Nothing. And it's somber. The music is sad. Yeah. I mean, what's going on?

We're not allowed to have fun. Fun is out. Elton John's not even playing his piano. He wasn't even gay there. Yeah. Who was the guy singing on New Year's? Fuck. You know?

God, I can't believe I'm forgetting his name. He was one of the Times Square guys singing. He's one of those old school rap hacky guys. Oh, yeah, yeah. Tony Bennett? No, no. I think he died. Oh, yeah. Tony Bennett? No, no. I think he died. Oh, fuck.

Tony Bennett did die, right? Yeah, I think so. Fuck. He was cool. He was good. He was kind of the last of that era. No, this guy, you know who I'm talking about. Buble?

No. Older guy. No, like 80 years old. He had a beautiful wife, too. Yeah, she was a fucking nice piece. Oh, pull up the wife. Yeah, let's get it all going. You know who I'm talking about. What's his fucking name? No, I'm going to say Alan Arkin. That's obviously not his name. He sang blow up the wife. Yeah, let's get it all going. You know what I'm talking about.

What's his fucking name? No, I'm going to say Alan Arkin. That's obviously not his. He sang My Way and stuff. Yeah. I'm taking Hot Wife. It's not working. What's it like, a Sinatra impersonator?

No, he's got his own songs. He's got songs you've heard before, too. All right. Wasn't Buble, though. God damn it. Well. You couldn't find my Mutombo clip. You can't find this.

You're fucking slipping. Is it not, what's that guy's name? Jason. Mraz. No, he's got Justine and Jason Bateman. Was it Jason Bateman's wife's dad? You know who that is? No.

Jesus. He like wrote a bunch of songs for Sinatra, but was also a singer. Oh, I know who he is. You'll know his name if you ever pull up. Just play the Cat Williams clip again. But point being, we're sadder now. We're not allowed to have fun. There you go.

Let me see. I'm trying to find it on mine. Yeah, it is sad. It's a bummer. Why can't we? Why is fun out? Paul Anka. Anka.

That's who it is. That's who I was talking about. Really? You know this one. Dad? Yeah. No fucking way. He's Canadian, right?

I guess so. I'm almost positive, yes. That's right. Cut Sam's mic. Put your hand on my shoulder. I know it. Yeah. All right.

Yeah, he's good. Anka. Anka, man. Boy, he's little. Are you sure that's his wife? Boy, he's little. Are you sure that's his wife? Is he Canadian?

Yeah. Okay. At least if this is who I'm thinking, I'm almost positive. I like Anka. He looks like a Keebler elf right there. Because he wrote My Way for Frank Sinatra. He was like 16 years old when he came down here. Look how sad this is. 16 years old, and he wrote all those songs before he was 18.

Wow. So he's set for life. He's a zillionaire. Oh, big time. He's cute. All right. Well, this is a bummer. Yeah.

It should be finished. It should be fucking guitars and drums and horns. Yeah, it should be, it should be fucking guitars and drums and horns. I think three people have committed suicide since we played this segment. This is how I do comedy when people don't laugh at my jokes. I just stop. This is you talking about the life of David Gale. All right, well, where are you going to be here?

What do we got, some tour dates cooking there with new material? I think so, yeah. I just was talking about me and Tempe and I'll be at the Blue Room in Springfield, Missouri and I'm going to be over at Bricktown in Oklahoma City.

I got all those right there. Nice. Yeah, I love Bricktown. And then I'm taping, recording a new special. Jeez. March 2nd, St. Paul Fitzgerald Theater

and that'll be real fun, I think. Nice. Woo, baby. The Twin Cities. Love it. Oh, yeah. Let me throw this on. I got a couple podcasts.

I got Middle of Somewhere with my buddy, Cy. And then Kelsey and I started a podcast. Kelsey Cook and I. It's called Pretend Problems. We just do it from the place. Hell, yeah. Nice. Yeah.

You got to have a pod these days. Have to. Tell Cy I said hello. I will. He's a Hell yeah. Nice. You got to have a pod these days. Have to. Tell Si I said hello. I will. He's a good egg. Absolutely. All right, what do you got, Sammy baby? I don't know.

When does this come out? This week, right? All right, so I got, what do I have? You got January 8th. Oh, we added a show in Stanford. Same night. Don't want to spend any more time in Connecticut. Dania Beach.

Dania Beach. That'll be a fun one the following weekend. Omaha. Love that club, the Funny Bone. Addison Improv. Nice. That's a good one. Yeah.

Then we got OKC Bricktown as well. Irvine. Salt Lake City. And then new special at the Wilbur. Hell yeah, man. It's already sold out, I think. That's looking good. That's exciting as shit.

Yeah. Nice. That'll be nice. Yeah. Yeah. Have fun building that new, a brand new hour. I'm not looking forward to it

because this is, it's fun doing well on stage. It's nice. And then you're like, oh, I got to fucking eat shit for another year. Yeah.

Seinfeld always says it. You feel like when you have a good hour, you feel like you're going out there with fully loaded with bandoliers and you're like, I'm killing everybody in this bitch. And then when you have no material, you're like,

ah. Pocket knife. Yeah, exactly. I have my hour almost whittled down. And I was in Arlington recently, Arlington, Virginia. And I was there right after I recorded the specials. Yeah. The two specials.

And this lady comes up to me after. She goes, I was here last time, too. You were better this time. Ah! It's like, yeah, no shit. It's tough. I came out here with just notes. Damn.

At least that ended positively. Yeah. Because that can go either way. Well, the hard thing is you got to, they don't get, like, yeah, no shit. It's tough. I came out here with just notes. Damn, at least that ended positively because that can go either way. Well, the hard thing is you got to, they don't get like you, if, that's also why we have a healthy amount of self-hatred because if you're, if you're turning over hours, you're going to bomb and be like, fuck me. Totally. You know, but if you're just killing all the time, those are the people that are like, I'm fucking great. You have to have that 80s gym teacher voice in your head like oh you pussy you suck yeah get back up fix this fucking

joke you got twin push-ups coming the amount of f word i call myself in my head is pretty disturbing the gym teacher okay i had a gym teacher uh a baseball coach he was the fucking funniest guy he literally sounded like george carlin it was like i when i think of you guys trying to turn a double play it's always when i'm wiping my ass it was like shit like that he was just just like he got fired because he was just too he would do that too much we're like we were all like you can't fire this guy he's fucking great yeah we were furious he was the best yeah coach suds sudsy do you got? I can't see my dates here. I just wanted to show Chad that these two had breakfast. I saw that.

Actually, right when I got off the elevator, my Instagram popped back up, and it was the first pick on there. The amount of people that texted me immediately. I posted that, and it was like, holy shit, what was breakfast? It's crazy how fast the internet works. It makes you not want to post, doesn't it? I know. I feel like Cat Williams.

I can't imagine what his phone was doing. Holy shit. Can you imagine? Oh, my God. And it ain't going to stop anytime soon. No, no. But he'll sell out nine arenas in one night. Yeah.

All right. I'm in Tampa this week. Oh, that's already over. All right. Basically, come on out to Columbus. Dave Stroop, say hello. Hello. Let's get breakfast.

Indianapolis, The Beacon, second show. We're almost sold out of that second one, so get tickets quick if they're not gone by now. Lexington, Charlotte, San Antone, Houston, Boise, Salt Lake, Atlanta, Raleigh, Austin, Tucson, Phoenix, Charlottesville, Charleston, El Paso. You know what it is. MarkNormanComedy.com. Get some Bodega Cat. BodegaCatWhiskey.com. Love doing the paper plane.

Paper plane worked out. Paper plane is great. Very good. That's like one of our top. We have our top whiskey drinks in paper plane. I feel like we played a part in popularizing that one. Oh, 100%. Because it's gotten really popular.

And that, Manhattan boulevardier is like we're whiskey forward cock uh cocktail guys for sure i make an old-fashioned with black walnut bitters maple maple syrup instead of the sugar and then i put a little bacon stir stick in there that sounds fucking awesome pretty good when it's real cold that sounds like a minnesota old-fashioned that sounds awesome damn good well maybe we'll do that next time you're here. Hell yeah, let's do it. We'll do the Daniels. I'll bring the stuff.

The Chad Daniels. All right, well, yeah, check out Chad's special. Sally, you good? Peter's Gotham Studios. Paul Anka, still alive. And try to lighten up, everybody. Let's get out of this fucking funk we're in. This is sad as shit.

I know. January is also kind of a sad month for a lot of people, I feel like, because it's like you're over the hump. The holidays can be depressing and then you kind of pass that and you're like another year of this. Some people it's a reset, but other people it's like another year of this shit. Yeah.

So pick it up. Try to find something good. There's good stuff going on. I don't know. It's like they're going to wave. Even their balloon waving is sad. It's all sad. I'd like to see some, and the sex doesn't matter here, but I'd like to see some butt fucking 2025.

I would. There we go. And some more sucking on both ends. Men, women. Send you some links. Everyone. Get a little more sucking going. Yeah, sucky, sucky.

That's our love language. We'll see you now. Hey, fun stuff. Sunday's the day for my next bender. I've made a fever wreck, you know the beer juice close. I've had a little too much bourbon. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking pump. And I get down in the same way. We'll be right back. Like I remember her And I get down in the same way

We might be true