We Might Be Drunk - Ep 165: Godfrey & Hot Toddys

Episode Date: February 5, 2024

Godfrey joins us for his third appearance. Great impressions, jokes, and a lot of laughs. Go check out Godfrey on the road, also don't miss Mark Normand and Sam Morril near you! Godfrey: https://www.godfreylive.com/ Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/ Mark Normand: https://marknormandcomedy.com/#schedule!loading Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Bodega Cat: http://www.bodegacatspirits.com We Might Be Drunk is produced, recorded and edited by Gotham Production Studios. Head producer: Matthew Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ If you want to start a podcast contact [e-mail] for a discount on services when referred by WMBD! Support the show and get 20% off your 1 st Sheath order at https://www.sheathunderwear.com with promo code DRUNK Spice up your sex life and get 20% off and free shipping https://www.usejoymode.com/DRUNK or use code DRUNK at checkout.

Hey, here we are, folks. We might be drunk. We're here. We're back. What are you cooking up there, Fetty? Well, you know what? I was making hot toddies over the weekend on my gig, and they're kind of nice, aren't they?

Yeah, you got the thermos and everything. This is the real deal. This is our producer, Matt Peters, and this isn't water. This is his tears from the Buffalo Bills last night. Oh, shit. I'm sorry, buddy. We'll get them next year. That was a tough loss.

I was rooting for you guys, man. I know. I thought you had it. And you had all the Jews clear out the snow. They dug it out, and you still lost. And they're- Strikes again. Weren't they sacrificing a person to that pit every week?

Oh, that was funny, yeah. They have a 20-footfoot pit and someone fell in. What? Pull it up. They're digging a new stadium. Are you on mic? Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah, yeah, they're doing a new stadium so there was a pit and someone fell in and they won, what, like six straight games? Really? Yeah, he went to the hospital.

Someone's going to the hospital. They're like sacrificing him. Hey, good luck's good luck. Sports and religion have more in common than you think. Meet on Sunday. Yeah. good luck's good luck. Sports and religion have more in common than you think. Meet on Sunday. Yeah. Die hard. Uniform. Uniform.

Hit your wife. Women get fucked. That's something. Some men and naked males. Yeah. That's something there. And a lot of fighting the opposing thought. Right.

They're on the other team. You see Jason Kelsey before the game yeah that guy's i mean you can't not love that guy pulled a full burt kreischer he looked like he looked like bird yeah which i think i compliment the bird at this point that's true yeah that's true but jason kelsey is like do you know how likable you have to be to have like everyone in football like you yeah i mean it's like it's like. Look at that. I mean. Look at this dude. You got to love.

This is why Twitter, I know everybody shits on X, but during a sports game, there's nothing better. The whole country's coming together, making memes, making jokes, putting videos together. It's great. I don't get half of it, and I watch your stuff, and you're blowing up with the sports tweets. You just got to be timely.

Yeah. That's great. But man, it's pretty fun. Football is great. It's just fucking... It's fun. The playoffs in any sport just get me going, but... Oh, back to the religion thing. The only difference is you can't switch teams.

Like, you can't be a fair weather... People do switch. Really? But you have no respect. Right, right. You know, you're like, ah, the Muslims are losing this year. I'm going Christian. Jews are having a bad year. You're like, I'm going Islam. Yeah, there's something there. Fair, control the weather fan. All right.

I got this Manuka honey for it too, buddy. Woo, Manuka. I got this at Customs in Australia. Really? Yeah. They're off duty or whatever. Oh, duty free. free off duty what the hell is wrong with me what is duty free i walked through it i never get it oh and you can bring it on although they fuck you if you want to if you're connecting they fuck you you have to

that's an issue you have to pay the. Yeah. Ah, those bastards. Always something. All right. Is this all it is, is water, honey, and booze? Yeah. Ah, I didn't know that. Yeah, buddy. I thought some people do it with the tea bags. That's kind of weird to me.

And it hurts the nuts. It's amazing that whiskey used to be like a medicine. Like, you used to go buy booze. It still is, man. I got post-nasal drip right now. This time of year, I feel like dog shit always. Don't you? I'm okay. I'm an ox.

But it's funny, like when you were a baby. What am I, a mouse? You're Fievel. Back in the day, they put, you know, a kid had a toothache. They put a little whiskey on it. Yeah. It's a bad doctor. Yeah, yeah.

Or a good friend. Yeah, this is good stuff. Cheers. And some with the mug, you feel like you're, you know, a lady after divorce. He hit me. Well, the bill's lost. Oh, can I run a bit? I did buy you.

Oh, we're going right in, huh? I was thinking about this. You never hear, like, sometimes when a woman is accused of sexual assault especially or not i mean she accused a man of sexual assault right a woman accuses a man of sexual assault and it's high profile people will comment on her appearance like he is he raped her ah and it's like that how fucked up is that that this person might have been sexually assaulted and now they're calling her ugly too right and saying by the way you never hear it the other way it's never like oh he raped her a nice selection oh i like that never hear that right i like it i don't know that's good

maybe something it's so true all right i got one now okay we were just in ohio doing it doing some shooting and every neighborhood i go to now all over the country they're like're like, five years ago, this was all gang shooting, crime. You couldn't come in here. Then the gays came in. Now it's gentrified. And I'm like, the gays are just quietly fixing up all these shitty neighborhoods and not getting any credit. We should be parachuting them into Detroit and Flint and lower LA, the Bronx.

Then I got a couple tags like, forget MAGA, how about FAGA? All right. Okay. What about Queer Eye for the South Side of Chicago? That's funny. I like that. Yeah, that's good. It's coming along.

Yeah, man. That's all from Columbus. Columbus is, yeah, that's good. All of Ohio is, you know, I mean, Dayton has, I think, gotten a little rough, right? Dayton and Toledo are tough. Yeah. Tough towns. But Cleveland's trying and Columbus, the size of Cleveland and Cincinnati combined.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, it's a bigger city for sure. Capital. Great town. Thanks for coming. I always have a good time in Cleveland, though. I like Cleveland.

I do, too. Good Chinese food, good Jewish deli, slimans. Oh, yeah. Oh, we ate so much meat on this trip. What were you eating? cleveland though i like cleveland i do too good chinese food good jewish deli slimans oh yeah oh we ate so much meat on this trip what were you eating the corned beef and all that stuff schlitzes or schlotzies or it was just schmitz schmitz straight sausages german food bratwurst all that stuff schnitzel heavy duty so good kills a hangover you get a big beer too one of those we got the mug we got the what do you call it growler boot boot there you go i got a boot on my car i got i had some other bit i want to run by let me see i feel bad i repeated one last week and it got me fucking oh yeah

all right is there something i believe a woman's body is her choice but you ever date someone and they get a new haircut without consulting you it does feel kind of rude right like it's like a terminating the pregnancy is one thing but bangs oh all right i like that and then the other angle is like because a girl i'm dating she sent me a picture of uh the haircut she's getting but it was on charlize theron oh that's great i'm like like, well, that's not. That's great. I mean, you're pretty, but that's not fair. Yes. I'm trying on a bathing suit. I'm not sending you a pic of Channing Tatum wearing it.

I'm like, in this bathing suit, I have abs. Right. Well, it's like you buy boxers, and the guy on the fucking front looks like Helmsworth, and you're like, what are you doing to me? Yeah. I don't look like that. Right, right. That's what I was against these plus-size models, but I'm like, yeah i don't look like that right right but that's

what's against these plus size models but i'm like yeah i'm like i could look better than that ah true she looks that good you feel better about yourself in this joke but uh but i think you got something there yeah something there you know it's like hey i'm getting four-wheel drive and you show your friend a photo of like a rolls royce and you're like, you have a focus. Yeah. Come on. Yeah, man. Yeah, I got a peeve. Please, hit me with a peeve. Hold on.

If you did two bits, I'm doing another bit. All right, maybe we'll do bits at the end again too. My friend is, he's always like, sex worker, come on. Sex worker, these are hookers. What are we doing here? I love hookers, but I'm not calling them sex workers. I'm like, you should be embracing this because you've been called a creep and a, and a sicko your whole life.

Now it's legitimized. Yeah. It's a time where like being anti PC isn't doing you any favors. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Now you're helping small business, you know,

and how you're an ally before you were a creep. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And it sounds, I helped the sex worker. That sounds better than i fuck the prostitute that's a great point great point yeah you're keeping these women afloat

you're a benefactor a boner factor all right it is weird how you read these stories about some of these only fans people and they you know they're like i used to be a teacher making like 40 grand a year and i made a million dollars on only fans last year and you're like yeah i mean schools can't really compete with you showing your pussy i guess that's like you know what we need is a class to teach only fans yeah you know women will come in and learn how to i guess you don't really need a class to go click let's be honest it's pretty easy yeah it's funny they're saying like you're taking the easy way i'm like yeah well they're fucking crushing i guess i don't know is having a successful only fans sort of like going lottery in the nba like well what do you mean lottery oh like like you're an early pick

early pick ah no because a lot of these people have like a regular job and then they do it i feel like nba you're like kind of you're doing you know you're doing that for years you're not like you're not 14 like i'm prepping for my fucking only fans say it's 50 million to one like you're not going to make the nba or you're not going to make a great successful only fan i think this is an unfair comparison because people who play professional sports for a living have to work much harder and have much more talent i think that's a ridiculous comparison to be like i got fucked by my neighbor on camera and you're like, LeBron's in the gym all offseason. You know what I mean?

And you can be a fat lady on OnlyFans and that's a fetish. You can still make some money even if you're, you know, not traditionally hot. Yeah. You could look like Jason Kelsey. Yes. Woo. I wonder how Stavros is having a moment oh my god it's so cool i love it it makes me fucking happy like because it is cool when you're a big name comedian now and you're a fan of a team that doesn't really like they're not a like a sexy team baltimore yeah yeah but they do win i mean they won two shoot goals in the last 20 years but like 22 years whatever but um look i'm a knicks fan we got a lot of famous knicks fans yeah i mean

but like say you're a fan like ian carmel is a fan of the blazers uh-huh he gets hooked up with the blazers oh that's true you know might as well go for it yeah i have a question for you guys that's great this is a very first world question this is me this is so james webb my friend was like i want to go to a knicks game this week i'll say let's go to a knicks game so they're playing the nets is that barclays the garden will take care of us a little bit because we we play their venues barclays it is hard to ask because i've asked for tickets before for the liberty but i root for the liberty i asked my tour manager to ask for tickets to the knicks nets but i'm rooting for the knicks oh is that a dick move interesting i might have to just

buy the tickets and maintain my freedom of speech yeah it's like you used to bang this lady but you're friends with her her ex yeah are your friends with her boyfriend and they're getting married you're like i want to go to the wedding. But who are you rooting for here? I'm rooting for the Knicks. I'm wearing a fucking Walt Frazier shirt here. Yeah. Yes, this isn't a Lane Orioles moment, but the problem is they're both New York teams. But I should just buy tickets. I think that's the classier thing to do.

Yeah. But I think it's okay. You know, Manhattan guy, you're going for the Knicks. I think my reputation, I think in my bio it says Knicks fan on social media. So if they look and they're like, fuck this guy. Yeah. But yeah, it's two New York teams. You should be able to rep a team and not all of them.

Yeah, but should I get three tickets? The answer's no. Probably. You're probably right. The answer's no. So I think I just answered my own question. Well, I hate paying for shit. Well, what does the ticket go for?

$250? Oh, geez. No, it's the Knicks. It's going for more ticket go for? $250? Oh, jeez. No, it's more. It's the Knicks. It's going for more than that. Okay. I'll get the free tickets. Well, all right.

We'll see. Never set foot in the Barclays. Have you guys? Yeah. I've never been in. Yeah, I've seen. I saw the Killers there. I've been to a Knicks-Nets game there before.

I've been to a few. Jeremy Lin came to the Comedy Cellar once, and he played for the Nets, so he would hook me up with Knicks. I would only ask for when they play the Knicks, but he would hook it up. Oh, that's awkward. I know it is awkward. Because me and my brother are there in like Ewing jerseys, and he's like, thanks. Where the hell has he been?

Ewing? No, Lin. Lin? He's playing overseas, I think. Oh, okay. He was on a championship team with the Raptors. All right. Go Canada.

So, hit me with a peeve. Okay. Wait, did you do another bit? You did, right? I did, yeah. Hit me with a peeve. All right, peeve it is, baby. Coming at you.

Coming in hot. Dreads on Jeremy Lynn, by the way. Yeah, he got called out for that by Kenya Martin, who I love. Kenya Martin's also an ex-Nick. Called him out for that. But then Kenya Martin has Chinese tattoos on him. So Lin kind of made a comment like, maybe we're just celebrating each other's culture.

That's an Uno card, reverse. Holy shit. Wow. Alright. Alright, how about this? You got the guy... I i got three of them so i'll i'll take it easy here uh first off i'm in indianapolis i'm staying in the hotel for some reason everyone in the hotel is coming to my show so it's just up and down all day in the elevator do the show show's great indy was fun great. Indie was fun. Great crowd.

I go out drinking, hung over the next day to go get my Uber to the airport in the elevator with like four big guys who were at the show. Disney on Ice is across the street at the Pacers Arena. So there's all kinds of kids at the show too. That's a great thing for you to be competing against too because they're not eating at the mark norman tickets good point good point pedophile i don't know but i'm in the elevator with like six kids tiny kids you know they just look up at you and stare yeah and then i got three mooks from indy or or or the greater indianapolis area and they're all going oh fucking a comedy what a fucking good time. Fuck yeah, that fucking show is awesome.

You really shit in their faces, baby. And these kids are like, and I don't want to be the square, like, easy around the kids, but there's six kids and three guys just screaming and cursing. It was awkward. You got to dial that back. Yeah, and the parents are looking at me like, who are you, a cult leader? What the hell's going on here? So that was bad. You have to reevaluate your career. Yeah, and the parents are looking at me like, who are you, a cult leader? What the hell's going on here? So that was bad.

You have to reevaluate your career. Yeah. And look, God love them. That doesn't happen to Nate Bargatze. They just come in like, great show. That's true. That's true. No one's at Seinfeld like, you fucking homo, get over here.

Your fans come in, I'm gay. They're like, what is going on? Praise Allah, bitches. Woo. So those poor kids were traumatized. That is rough. It is rough when it's, I've been that drunk guy at a sporting event with kids around. Yeah.

And you're like, yeah, I got to tone this down. This isn't right if it's kids around. Yeah, yeah. And you know, do what you got to do. But all the parents looked at me like, what are you bringing on my kids here? All right, how about this one? That's a good pee good peeve okay you get ready for the guy who texts you this just a random text out of the blue hey man and you're like huh just as hey man what's that about so then i go hey and he goes can you do this and you're like just hit me with the question don't

give me the hey man trap and then i respond back and then you hit me just hit me with the question. Don't give me the hey man trap. And then I respond back and then you hit me. That's a great observation because now you're on the line. I'm on the hook. Yeah, it's almost as bad as asking to your face. Oh. Because once you get the response, you're obligated to respond. Of course. He knows you're there.

So if you don't respond, it's like I don't have the red receipts on for a reason yeah and now you're it's almost as if i have them on exactly it's pretty shifty i want to reply at my sometimes i see something i'm like all right i'll respond to this later if it's like a loaded text but ooh comic uh booker i have to call you out though because you had a peeve i don't know uh-oh once ago where it was like someone just said, hey, man, can you do this show, this show, this show? And you were like, how about it? How you doing?

Oh, interesting. All right. But I think this is how he really feels. What are you, his girlfriend bringing up his past? I see what you're saying. No, I see what you're saying, too. But I do think that you can say that how you're doing in the same text. Yes, there you go. I think that you can say that how you're doing in the same text. Yes, there you go.

I think that's the real issue. It's a, hey, man, how you doing? Been a while. I hope something pleasant. And then in the same line. So now he's not obligated. I also think some of those questions are almost better done over email. Oh, yeah, yeah.

You can space it out a little bit. Because a long text is daunting. You see that long horizontal thing and you're like, oh, God. But an email, it just feels like a paragraph. But also, not to challenge you, but I think that Hey Man thing was in person. I had a guy just walk right up to me and go, can I do your show? But if you go, Hey Man, how are you? Then ask.

But the text, he pulled me in with the Hey Man. Singular text. Does bug me. You got any peeves? Because I got one more if you don't. Yeah, I got some peeves. All right, all right. Make sure our guests didn't message us, too.

Oh, yeah. I got a very New York one. Please. So when you're waiting for the subway, and you see now there's like the Chiron up on the screen tells you when the next trains are coming. Love the Chiron. I love it. But it's like next F train, 16 minutes. Yeah.

The one after that, 17 minutes. I am with you 100%. I know. A little bit. Yeah. I'm with you. Like the text. But no, I'm with you.

But I'll tell you another one that annoys me. 16 minutes. Next one, 41 minutes. I'm like, what is this? Yeah. NBC Thursday's comedy lineup? How far are you gonna spread this out all right i got another one piggybacking on this okay now this is really specific okay you might have to pull one up for the fans because i don't know if anyone's gonna it says 1 14 minutes second Second train, 18 minutes. Third train, it tells you one, two, three, four. They never show two.

They go one, 16 minutes. Three, 80 minutes. Four, 90 minutes. I'm like, what happened to two? Yeah, what is that? Are they showing two sides? I don't know what they're doing there. Oh, maybe that's it.

But yeah, this is really specific. But isn't it crazy that just a mere few years ago, we had no Chiron underground and we had no cell phone service underground. I know. So we were rocking and rolling with our thoughts and just praying to God a train came. All you had was this. I remember seeing The Departed in movie theaters and Leo in one scene is on the phone on the train.

And I was like, that's fucking bullshit. Oh. I remember thinking that. See, look at that goes it skips two it does that all the time one to three what happened at three and now you're just now you're like a gambling guy you're just hoping two is okay yeah yeah you're like come on daddy needs a new pair of tracks oh man i i gotta peeve okay really shitty hotel gyms because we live on the road i would i did the pull-up bar is too high i do one i'm gonna put my

head through the fucking ceiling i've had the same thing really poorly thought out ones and you know like you should have the base i'm not looking for like a five star setup here but have the basic shit yes give me the 50 pound dumbbell and under give me the bench give me the treadmill give me the pull-up bar yeah that's all i need i'm easy and they don't all have a pull-up bar so when you see it it's like a tease it is a tease and then you go i got oh now i'm going through the tile here yeah now you're like fuck i got another one all right these are good this is a basic one it is a peeve hiccups fucking hate it oh i hate it i got bad hiccups the other day i hadn't had them in like i feel like like years. And it wouldn't go away.

They never do. And you know what got rid of them? I had a sugar packet. Really? Granulated sugar. Oh. Yeah, I didn't even know I had them in the apartment. What are you doing?

You just swallow it. Really? And I shot a load in my chest. But, you know. But, yeah, no, I had some of the sugar and it helped. But it wouldn't go away forever. And, uh. Oh, fuck.

It's the worst. It's the worst. I feel like an idiot. The longest case of hiccups, 60 years. What? 60. That's rough. Wow.

Because that's because no one wants to hang out with you either. Yeah. You're just like the fucking hiccup guy. Imagine proposing, marrying the woman, and then the next day, and she's like, oh, great. You get into a fight. You're like, you never listen. You fucked my best friend. Oh, man.

That is brutal. 60 years. That's a curse. It's a long time. That's like a hex. Yeah, it's a curse. Yeah, I hate having hiccups. I hate seeing hiccups. I don't even like watching the guy have them.

And here's the worst part about hiccups. Everybody's got a cure that doesn't work. Oh, you got the hiccups. I hate seeing hiccups. I don't even like watching the guy have them. And here's the worst part about hiccups. Everybody's got a cure that doesn't work. Oh, you got the hiccups? I got you, buddy. I'm going to scare the shit out of you. You have herpes. Oh, you got hiccups? I got you, buddy.

Hold your breath. Chug a water. Jerk me off. Whatever it is. I'll phone for the jerk you off thing a couple of times. It works. It does. That's how I cured him.

Yeah. All right, last peeve, and then I'll leave you guys alone. All right. I'm getting sick of it. You know, I'm a middle-aged queef. You know, I'm an old man. I'm getting a little sick of the guy who hates another guy just because he's better than him. You know, you go talking to a dude, and I go, boy, that Bill Johnson's a good-looking guy.

And he goes, oh, yeah? I'm like, yeah, he's a really handsome guy. He's like 6'2", built. And he goes, you know what Yeah, he's a really handsome guy. He's like 6'2", built. And he goes, you know what? Fuck Bill Johnson. Someone's been hanging out with DeRosa. Well, it just feels a little hackneyed and easy. Like, oh, this guy's great in a bunch of ways that I'm not.

Fuck him. You hang out with people who drink too much. That's why. Yeah, maybe you're right. Bill Johnson's working. He's going to the gym. He's working on himself. You're hanging out with a guy who's just firing back tequila like fucking pussy right i just hate that guy i don't get that mentality like he's doing better than me well

then i hate him now like how about you hate yourself i don't know you don't work out no i totally know the type of guy you're talking about and uh he didn't do it it's just when you when you're still bitter at a certain age yes it's tough to be around exactly just accept the situations accept yourself yeah or turn it inward oh i gotta i gotta step it up you know we saw it a lot in the early days of comedy hey bob got a netflix special oh fuck bob yeah Bob's better than you. Maybe. How about that? Yeah, I think when you just, you just can't fucking think like that in any facet of your life or you're fucked. I mean, we were fucking angry, but we fueled it. We use it as fuel.

Exactly. We fucking. That's the key. But you know, you definitely, it's easy to fall into that trap. It is. If you don't watch yourself and if you don't have friends who call you out for it. Right, right. Because you don't want to, I remember Bill Burr once said to me, he goes, don't ever

fucking be the bitter guy. No one wants to be around that guy. It's like a fucking fish that stink. It follows you. It's kind of like having hiccups, you know? No, it's fucking, it's bad. Completely agree. Bill Burr had the best advice.

He was doing some show. He was opening for a guy. Oh, I can't remember the guy's name. He's super funny. Boston legend guy. Don Gavin? No, no. He's in a bunch of movies.

He's a big actor. Lenny Clark. No, no. Fat, kind of fat guy. Really funny. Ah, shit. Tony V. Yeah.

I can't believe I pulled that out of my ass. Tony V. And they're sitting there smoking cigars after a show Bill there he is Bill Burr looks up to this guy he's obsessed with this guy and Bill Burr is smoking a cigar and he's feeling pretty confident and he goes yeah you know Tony all this network and I'm a real comic

I don't like to network and schmooze and I hate all that shit and you know I'm just gonna write good jokes and fuck networking and Tony V goes get good at it and he goes i'm just not good at he goes then do it and he was like oh shit you're right like instead of just bitching about it and it is kind of a part of the business so just i know you don't want to but go get good at it that's it yeah that's a good point i remember uh by the way i remember you just made me think of a story i was on my birthday vecchione i was smoking cigars outside the cellar one night and david

tell comes from behind me and he goes you had a good set but it wasn't that good oh reality check great fucking great zing oh man this may sound a little naive uh explain the difference between what burr is and bitter. Because I don't think... What do you mean? His comedy is like, you know what I hate, dude? It's like a lot of that. I mean, I'm diminishing it a little bit.

It's highly elevated. Well, that's an act. We're talking about in real life. Oh, I thought you were talking about... I mean, offstage, I think people forget, and this goes for any career you choose, I think, is you just want to be somewhat pleasant to be around so people want you around i mean there are comics who mark and i think are hilarious

that we wouldn't want to tour with just because of their fucking personalities totally and that's almost more important than your act the same oh sorry that was our guest the same with the feature like a lot of guys can i open for you and i this guy's not bad, but can I hang out with this motherfucker for a weekend? Ugh, green room, lunches, drinks, airplane, the whole thing. Good movie. So, yeah, it's a big part of it. A lot of this business is hanging out, talking, shooting the shit, chopping it up, trashing people. And you were always a good hang.

You always were a good hang. Yeah, I mean, it's important, especially when you're young, too. It i remember opening for people young like i'll watch their set i'll be like oh i have a tag for you if that's a you know you don't want to disrespect them if you accept tags i came up with the angle for this or maybe another line but i think a lot of comics are just like you know i'm gonna do my own thing i'm gonna get drunk in the green yeah yeah you know, I'm going to do my own thing. I'm going to get drunk in the green room. Yeah, yeah. You know, and it's good to care. It is good to care. And to show you care. Totally, yeah. I think there became a period where it became cool to not care in like the hipster rooms.

It was like you go up there and you don't give a shit. And you're like, here's some new shit I thought of. You almost do better when you have to go in those rooms. You have to read your A material off of the set list as if it's all new. You're like, here's some shit I was kicking around. It's my closer. It's all defense because you can't fail if you didn't try. Exactly.

And it's all fear based. But it became cool. Yes. To not try. And it's like, Mark and I used to talk about this. We're like, would these rooms respect George Carlin, who's almost doing a monologue up there? Right. And it's so finely tuned.

Would they be cool with that? Totally. Or would they be like, man, this guy's trying too hard. I know. And all the comics, like Patton Oswalt and Maria Bamford, these people busted their ass and worked hard and wrote and got up and did the road. So like, they're trying. I know you worship them, but they tried.

So maybe you should try. Yeah. But yeah, you were always very professional too. Like you were always trying to not be in people's way. I was more of a mess. No, I thought you were good, man. I thought you were, we all made mistakes. I mean, I remember when I missed Amy Schumer's tour bus.

That was fucking, yeah. She had police detail. Because it was like a college gig where she needed security. This was like train wreck. She was white hot. Huge. And yeah, and I miss, just as Mark tells me I was professional, I was drinking with one of her brother's bandmates in the room and I missed the car.

Yeah. And I'm in like Nike high tops. I can't run in these shits. I'm sprinting after a tour bus and she was not happy with me. Oh yeah. You looked like a psycho fan chasing the bus. Amy, I love you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, but to me, you know, she obviously pulled over eventually, but that's kind of a lesson. She didn't pull over. They had to pull over at like a gas station. I had to get a ride. Oh, was that? I didn't know that. It was a low point for me.

I was not pleased with myself. Yeah. Because no one gives a shit how well you do on stage as an opener if you make mistakes like that true so i i learned a lesson yeah well there you go but uh is that with um other comics saying like i don't watch other comedians i don't do that i get it because you don't want to absorb their material but uh you got you got to find a line right yeah to me what's weirder is when you're like you ever seen that you ever seen Bring the Pain? They're like, nah, never caught Bring the Pain.

I'm like, I get it if you don't watch the new guys or the late, late, late stuff, but you got to watch some of the legendary great specials. Yeah, it's like being a filmmaker and not watching like Tarantino or fucking Scorsese or like Woody Allen or Spike Lee, any of these like classic movies. Totally.

You're not going to watch these? I know, I know, any of these, like, classic movies. Totally. You're not going to watch these? I know. I know. Exactly. But, hey, everybody's got their bullshit. But I also just like stand-up. I like comedy. So I'm like, oh, Gary Goldman's got a new special.

Uh-oh. Very happy to have this guy back. And we got your root beer as well. Yeah. What's shaking? This is Matt. How are you, buddy? Good to see you.

Now, what are you, FaceTiming? Oh, that's the thing. Oh, okay. I thought you had a hot Asian lady on the hook there. Oh, Dolly Parton. Oh, yeah. She's hot. Nice pull.

She's always been a hot lady. Where do you stand on the halftime show? In the bikini? Oh, good for her. That's how I feel. Listen, man. First of all. Thanksgiving?

Yeah, she did. She's in a Dallas Cowboy cheerleading suit she came and said pull it up i think she's i think dolly can do whatever the fuck she wants there you go dolly's working nine to five what a way to make a living oh hell yeah oh yeah she's about 95 she's 95 she I think she's about 95. She's 95. She's got to be up there. She's old. She's about 95. She's barely living. Wow.

She looks amazing. She looks great. No work done at all. No. And you know, she's been married to the same guy for like 40, 50 years. Dollywood is worth $500 million. She's written the songs that she's leased out like I Will Always Love You.

That's Whitney Houston. That's Dolly Parton wrote it. She wrote a lot of songs and she leases them out and she said, I'm just all about the money. I don't give a damn. You can sing whatever you want just pay me hell yeah because i watched an interview with her with uh dan rather jesus you don't want axis tv mark cuban's channel i remember we all did that show didn't we i i

never did it oh okay i almost did that comedy i wanted to host it i didn't want to go there yeah but yeah i was at gotham remember the gotham thing so i uh watched dan rather had a little show where he would interview i've watched merle haggard wow yeah i watched the whole merle haggard uh interview merle haggard was a prisoner when johnny carson did fulsome prison johnny cash sorry johnny carson johnny cash johnny carson's prison dude wow this is a good show wow everybody heard Merle Haggard how about Bill Cosby did false in prison blues it's like hello this is Bill Cosby welcome to the prison of false but Merle Haggard could have done a stand-up special in prison it would have been kind of interesting that would have been that would have broke the internet

blow your pants up don't drop the soap Merle Haggard was an inmate when Johnny Carson was recording Johnny Cash was doing that album. Merle Haggard was in... It was an inmate. Yeah. And when he goes, hello, I'm Johnny Cash. And Merle

Haggard got influenced to do music when he saw Johnny Cash. So it does do good when you do that type of stuff. Johnny Cash did San Quentin and Folsom Prison. He was a bad motherfucker. I did comedy in a prison once really yeah in chicago enough about hot comedy club yeah we did it was dixon state penitentiary

it was like in illinois when i was it was only i was only like two years into comedy whoa and my friend was like hey man you want to do a prison i said like like the blues brothers like fucking like like uh johnny cash he goes yeah i say fuck yeah i can just have a story so we did it we it was maximum security men's and maximum security women's so we had the separate shepherd shows whoa yeah that shit was interesting and it was like you they have a stage they have performance uh uh of like an auditorium yeah and they're there and fuck man it was like the men's you know and there's like sedated side where these people are like drugs and then there's the wild motherfuckers going yo talk about that motherfucker right now and the

warden is sitting up at the at the top there's uh these and there's guards with guns all over, and you're doing comedy. You really hope they don't have to use those. Yeah, right, right. And they were like, yo, talk about the warden. This is the worst heckler put down ever. They were like, talk about the warden, that fat motherfucker. I was like, hey, they called you a fat motherfucker. And they're like.

Was the warden laughing? Yeah, warden just stood in there. Yeah, whatever. They're locked the fuck up. Right. But these guys are murderers, shit like that. Yeah, no one's getting offended by jokes. Yeah, there was one of my buddies on there.

His name's Kenny Howell. He knew a lot of guys in prison. He was like, oh, man, what's up, man? Too bad you ain't getting out. God damn. He would make fun of these guys. I was like, fuck. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. And then we did the second show was women's. Yeah. All women's prison and i was like asking and there were like hot chicks in there like really so what happened you said yeah i uh shot my boyfriend while he was asleep because he used to beat on me and shit so it was shit like that it's like the movie chicago or something right but you're like you're like a superstar

yeah of course yeah so i've done that is the most elaborate porno of all time. Comedian plays women's prison. It's kind of hot. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Wow. That was my. We went from Dolly Parton to what the fuck.

But Dolly Parton's always been hot, though, I think. I agree. Yes. What is she, 85? 78, I think. What is she now? What is Dolly Parton? Yeah, probably close to 80, maybe.

Boy, we got a lot of range on this. 78, nailed it. A young... I looked it up. I was like, what's the oldest woman I've jacked off to? Probably her, right? Probably. Good cleavage. Dolly Parton's held herself up pretty well.

And then when she talked, she was just so happy. She's just a positive lady. And still going. Mariah Carey made all that Christmas money. She's just a positive lady. And still going. Like Mariah Carey made all that Christmas money. She's sitting on her fat ass in Hollywood. She is working. She's still touring. Doesn't she be a writer now?

I think she still does some stuff. Okay, well, that Nick Cannon really banged her out. So you've never seen a picture of her arms. Who? I've heard she's sleeved up. Who? Dolly. No way.

You're talking tattoos? Tattoos. Interesting. Dolly has tattoos? I think they she's sleeved up. Who? Dolly. No way. You're talking tattoos? Tattoos. Interesting. Dolly has tattoos? I think they're all over her arms. Full swastika. They said Mr. Rogers had tattoos. Really?

That's hilarious. In the doc, they show him swimming. I don't think he had tattoos. Did Fred Rogers ever have tattoos? Interesting. You got any? I have a half sleeve right here. What?

Really? Can I show you? Yeah,leeve right here. What? Really? Can I show you? Yeah, whatever. Can you get all that? You look like you're dressed for a funeral in the future. It's like Demolition Man over here.

I want to be in Triple X. Oh, fuck, man. Let's see. I don't know. It'd be great if he had a tramp stamp. I think this myth is busted. Ah, Jim.

You know, in the dark, they showed him swimming. I would have. Wow, look at that. Whoa. God, you're pretty fucking ripped, man. That's cool. Is that like a tribal? When my parents passed, I had the Nigerian.

That's my tribe that I'm from. It's Igbo tribe, which is funny because there's Igbo Jews in Nigeria. Ah. Isn't that crazy? Wow. Hey. Connected. Yo, but yeah, this is like Tonga from Tonga, like South Pacific.

Oh, yeah. So I surrounded it with that. But yeah, I have a half sleeve. I never had a tattoo before, but I wanted to do that. And it was painful as fuck. Well, dude, Jonathan Major is out of a part. Maybe you could slide into that fucking Wakanda world. Hang, man.

Right? That's a cool character. I know. Shit. But I don't know, man. I think, A, he's just wearing an African mask. A lot of range. Dolly to Nigeria.

I think everyone's talking about, you know, you saw the Cat Williams interview. Of course. I saw your Steve Harvey response. You're fucking good at that, man. I appreciate it. Steve Harvey, I mean, yeah, where did you stand on the Cat Williams interview? Because you took down so many people. It was an incredible, ugly storm.

It was fantastic. And, you know, when he talks, he sucks you in. He's captivating. Because he's like, and I told you, man, and I said that. I'm a nigger. Yeah. And motherfucker better. You're like a preacher.

Totally. One of those people would go from town to town, a snake oil salesman. Come on, hurry, hurry. We got some. That's Cat Williams. Yes, you're right. Cat Williams. I got a magic potion.

I'm telling you this magic potion. You motherfuckers never drink this. Are you dying and suffering from cholera? What the? Well, listen, let me tell you something, lady. I know you need this shit. This is the most magical shit ever. I am Cat Williams, motherfuckers, and I'm bringing you magical shit. Yes.

And you'd be like, yeah. I buy that. He's that kind of guy. He's on Elixir. Right. Whether he was lying or not, it was so entertaining. Yep. And to see Shannon Sharp going, Skip, oh, man, come on.

I can't believe this, man. I thought y'all was together. Oh, damn. I would skip with you. Play Shannon Sharp's laugh. Oh, yeah. It's the funniest laugh I've ever heard. He's so Oh, damn. I would skip with you. Play Shannon Sharp's laugh. Oh, yeah. It's the funniest laugh I've ever heard. He's so country, too.

I don't think I could listen to a Shannon Sharp interview unless it was Cat Williams steamrolling him for two and a half hours. I think that's the only way I could have handled it. Oh, wow. That laugh is fucking insane. Damn, it's like the hyena in Lion King Wow Fantastic

Did y'all see this SNL parody? It was really funny No, no The girl did it Oh my god Wow, this is really That's dead on They nailed the set

Hollywood created Kevin Hart Everybody knows that Kevin was made in the same factory where they make Teddy Grahams. That came back. Teddy Grahams. Dude, pull up Cat Williams running the 40. Because Cat Williams, everyone's like, he can't run that fast. Did he run like a fourth? He's fucking fast.

Really? He ran like a fourth. What did he? Because he goes, I can run a four, too. Yeah. He's like, no, man. Come on, Cat. That's impossible, Cat. This is. Yeah. He's like, no, man, cat, come on, cat. That's impossible, cat.

This is pretty impressive. That's impossible, cat. Basketball, stuff like that. So Lil Mo went there. You know he has eight kids? He has like eight or ten. Look at this. Wow.

Oh, no, find the real one. I like the fast one where he's like really. There it is. There it is, yeah. Cat is hilarious. He really is. Cat is so, he's such a trippy. Man, he is fast. He's fast. Whoa. He is hilarious. He really is. Cat is so, he's such a trippy. Man, he is fast.

He's fast. Whoa. He's beating any of us in the race. What was that, a 4.47? Yeah. That's pretty fucking good. And he's 50 whatever. And he smokes.

Yeah, he ran a 4.47. Wow. That is fast. That's like wide receiver speed, like right on. Damn, Cat. Plus the perm is all you get. If you just play, Cat Welling just played in the NFL next year. Who's that?

Is that Cedric? 1.3. Oh, that's funny. And what's funny is, can we show Cedric stealing a joke from a sitcom? I saw that. Meshack Taylor. Yes. Meshack Taylor, a black actor who passed away he was on

a show called designing women oh yeah i watched it but it was a hit show my mom loved delta burr that's right uh you should show that and it's and cat was right cedric took a joke from a goddamn sitcom i know and it wasn't a great joke either no it wasn it wasn't. I was like, and I know Cedric. Cedric's always been a great comic. And I was just, it's not good. And Cat, Cat's literally cleaning house, man. He's cleaning house. I know.

Mark made a great point, though. Cat, he's starting up a tour. I mean, is there any more brilliant way to do PR? This is what I heard. I heard like some of his tour, the tickets weren't really selling as well. And then he did that, and that shit sold out. To the moon. Here we go. Watch this.

Oh, yeah. I'll tell you the Bobinicious story. It's a true story. See, there was this white family that lived in Mississippi, and they had this man who worked for them occasionally named Bobinicious. Now, he did various small jobs for them on and off for about a week. One night, he just finished bartending a party, and the lady of the house realized

that she didn't have any money. So she said to him, Bob Inicius, I want to write you a check, but I don't know how to spell Bob Inicius. He said, well, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. See, when I came to work for you, I told you my name.

And then I said, but you can call me by my initials. Everybody call you by my initials. Oh, man. Everybody in the whole city call me by my initials. Don't even worry about it. It's fine. You call me that. It's just such an obscure premise.

I know. That's why. Everybody call me that, man. Don't worry about it. And then he's like, no one's going to catch me. Designing women? Come on. Cat Williams, Will. Yeah. and then he's like no one's gonna catch me designing women come on cat williams will yeah i think part of the other stuff is like it's like fuck it does feel like it's often the swaggiest comics that get because it's like you're like well he's so confident right we're in a

fucking fedora he's not stealing and another thing too is not is the comics that you know that don't really work on their shit a lot if i don't see you touring you're either doing a one-man show or you're stealing some shit yeah because you you you're always working your shit out i see you guys we're all getting off stage going here and there we work our shit out in between the tours and shows we're always chiseling our shit out that's what we do i see the work you know yeah you know but these guys they're on sitcoms they're and then they just go oh i'm gonna put a show together right and then they start taking shit you know and i know some other big comics that are fucking thieves go fuck yourself you fucking thieves yeah listen i've done

a joke where i go oh wow someone had a similar but there's certain jokes we've all made mistakes when you burn enough hours there's going to be but there's certain jokes. We've all made mistakes. When you burn enough hours, there's going to be parallel thinking. But there's certain subjects where every comic is going to go there. It's like SNL. Yeah, they did a parody of, it was already a give, it was like a godsend. Yes, yes. If you fuck this up, SNL, I don't know what to tell you. You know what I mean?

It's like one of those things where, yeah, we're going to go there. Everybody's going to go and do that with that subject. Totally. You know what i mean it's like one of those things where yeah we're gonna go there everybody's gonna go and do that with that subject totally you know what i mean but did you see the steve harvey mark curry let's do that and i love marker mark curry i do too i loved hanging with mr cooper as a kid was like my shit and when i knew she was hot and mark curry i knew when he was in during when i was a um an amateur comedian mark curry would come to chicago was the nicest guy till this day and he was the he was massive oh yeah and he was still the coolest dude sit there talk to you forever love it harvey was like kind of a dick oh really yeah harvey was he's always the thing is harvey's never really changed he's always been kind of a yeah what's up now yeah okay right

i'm just telling you right now i've got time for that bullshit but steve has always been like now he has a lot of money yeah so it's like worse got it yeah that doesn't help it usually and that man unit he really got called out for that i thought i was like wow who's this barber how the fuck does he get that i was like man and i was like i want that who's this barber? How the fuck does he get that? I was like, man. And I was like, I want that fucking fake. And it was fake. Thank God. Oh.

Well, Jamie Foxx is a little bit of that, too. He has it, too. His shit is fake. Oh, yeah. Only his hairline goes back here. Oh, really? Right. Jamie Foxx's.

I want to know. Cat Williams did Clean House. That was the black Epstein list. Yeah. But Mark Curry was such a gifted comic actor. I mean, he elevated that material. And to see him now, he's still brilliant as fuck, man. You know, he had an accident.

No. It's like a fire. I think he was in a sort of a real fucked up accident. So he's recovered. But he's like been traveling with Cat Williams on his tours. And I was watching some of it. He's fucking amazing oh yeah really and clean yeah clean he's really a skill and he's from oakland so people thought

he was just this clean cut little bitch guy no no he's a he's the he's the real deal oh yeah he's just a nice guy but he's he he's called okay play that what about steve harvey yeah watch this watch so i had a beef on that he did all my halloween material one halloween and i know he didn't think of it you know this this is true stuff that really happened to me and so my thing is you didn't have to do that homeboy so you know you made enough money bitch ass i think the bit was he said uh i didn't have enough money to get a costume so my my dad just gave me UPS boxes. You want to show that?

I think you stepped on the punch. Yeah, it's up there. Man, I've been watching everything. Yeah, same. It's nice when they show the side-by-side because to really put people on blast, I think it's called receipts. There you go. There it is, guys. And before the internet, it was a lot easier to get away with it.

Oh, fuck yeah, man. Robin Williams. I can tell you a story about really romano shit at the cellar as ray romano got off stage i was hosting it was it was retarded wow romano was going up the stairs and robin williams goes on right after he does this like this um xerox joke and robin did the same one was in the hallway and did it he was so in it how to do that what did it bomb not really but everyone's like oh they were confused that's why i just goes upstairs and i was like sitting there in the hallway was i with esty and i was like, Robin is like, he couldn't help it. Yeah, yeah. Because Robin used to hang with us. Right.

Wings with us. Yeah, he was a nice dude. The comedy table. Yeah. And I'd be like, hey, what's up, man? He goes, oh, you know, I'm just working on some things. I have to host the Oscars.

So I just want to work stuff up. The nicest dude. The nicest dude. The nicest dude. But don't you think with a guy like Robin, I think this is my take on it, and I could be wrong, but it seems like you become, you're on a rocket ship. You're so famous that you're just grabbing shit. You're like, I need this so people think I'm still funny. I'm not making an excuse.

It's fucking unacceptable. But I think that's, and like, I think the same goes for these guys, you know know but you can't fucking do it no you just can't you know robin stole one of richard jenny's things i killed himself speaking of richard it's so funny man when you're around oh that's the that's the other cedric joke that one's crazy okay watch this one very egregious all right all right okay damn we got a lot we got a lot. We got a lot to talk about here. So there's Cat Williams and Cedric stealing Cat Williams, this one. Yes. Okay, it's Cat Williams talking about parking a car.

What are they thinking stealing from Cat? And this bit is so elaborate, too. Yeah. But yeah, crazy. He sits down. Cigarette and everything. He's just the same joke. That's a line up.

This is a televised joke. Someone else has stolen some of your material. Oh, that's a part of this business. Same Steve that went to the Y. My favorite part of this interview, pause if you're like, I never heard of this interview, is how Cat keeps bringing it back to football. He's like, have you ever been booed?

Have you ever dropped a pass? Not everything is as it happens. Haven't you made enemies with the Dallas Cowboys? And he goes like this, but that's different, Cat. That's not the same thing, Cat. That's not my problem. Those are my friends, Cat. Come on, man.

Someone's like, he's like stealing it. Have you ever run the same route? That's not the same. That's not the same thing. It's not the same. That's not the same thing. It's not the same thing at all. It's a bad analogy. But I love what he's doing because Cat's so confident. And I'm just like listening.

I'm like, yeah, I'm rolling with it because he's so compelling. He's like a pastor. There's some bullshit being said, but you believe it. Exactly. He still put money into play. You still got the thing that Kennison had because Kennison was also, I think he started off as a fucking, let me tell you. Preacher. Kennison is so great.

I watched Kennison in his first time on Letterman. I watch it over and over. He has his coat buttoned up to here. Oh, yeah. And that fucking weird hairstyle. Awful. He's like, how you guys doing? All right.

Yeah. Used to be a pastor. And then he just, oh, he's so good. It broke the format. You never saw a guy do a comedy set like that he just, oh, he's so good. It broke the format. You never saw a guy do a comedy set like that. Yeah, he changed up the whole game. But I think the, you saw the Cat Williams one. Did we do the car?

UPS and Steve Harvey and UPS. Watch this one. Is this it? And then stole everything Mark Curry did. We'll show UPS, Steve Harvey, UPS, and Mark Curry jokes. A whistle? Mark, I'm teaching music, not gym. No, what's this?

Standard issue. This might be another one. Screaming for help. No, no, no. It's the kids. No, it's a joke. Okay, watch Mark Curry UPS joke. Just look up Mark.

You'll see. With Steve Harvey, they got everything. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That one's dead on. When you do the side to side. If you're a fan of the show, you're probably also a fan of not having a sweaty dick. Sheath underwear can get you that not sweaty dick of your dreams in no time. You know what?

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Busted. Busted? Four years ago, though. Damn. But it was still, it was him and Curry. Right there next to it. Steve Harvey. Watch.

Halloween was a trip. Halloween. We couldn't afford no Halloween costumes. Hey, kids, please. Mama sent us down to the liquor store to put boxes on us. We didn't know what we were. I don't know what we are. I don't know.

She didn't tell us. I think we UPS, I guess. I don't know. You heard me say that every Halloween, I had the same outfit on. Every year. I just had a brown box. I wasn't upset. I just asked my father, could I have a new outfit?

And he said, no, just wear the same one. It was just a brown box. And he just told me to tell everybody I was a ups man uh okay so tell me yeah so it's just a it's like there's parallel thinking but that is like truly his childhood that is but he this is steve harvey on his 18th show that he's hosted right and he's loaded exactly like i'm fucking touring with cat williams opening up and i was on a big sitcom why would you do that to me like but there's i know guys that still do it now damn that will take a comic that is not famous and oh i'm gonna go to this open mic and it's just fucking yeah at least pay the guy

right hey man i like that i heard robin williams would do that yeah take a well i think robin williams did it after someone someone punched him in the face. Oh, Jay Moore as well. Jay Moore stole, right? Yeah, he stole from Ben Bailey, and Ben Bailey chased him down. Ben will beat you up. Yeah. Ben body slammed a college student at one of his NACA gigs.

Really? Ben, and he's like a legend for that. Ben Bailey body slammed some college kid because they you know i for i hate colleges uh i'm ugh yeah i used to think colleges would be amazing fuck no me too when you're young you're like it's an easy payday but where they put you you never know what college you're going to sure they'll put you in a fucking you know cafeteria study hall yep you ever do an afternoon study hall cafeteria was fucking yo i remember doing a swimming pool gig that was fucked up what it was a swimming party and i'm looking for the state like i hope they come up

for air okay it goes yeah dude i just have really good Oh, it's a swimming pool party. I'm so happy you're here. Everybody's looking forward to it. I go, so yeah, where are we going to do the show? Okay, here it is. We're going to have the microphone right by the swimming pool, and they're going to swim up to you. That's what he did. He did this.

And I fucking railed this dude for fucking 30 minutes. That was my whole act. Yeah. And they swam up to me in the swimming pool when I had to do comedy oh that's brutal it was like some fucking Annette Finicello bullshit I'm doing old school fucking fucking point of me and Frank no no no I didn't bro I think you would know you're old you seem to know if Frank yeah Frankie A blanket bingo beach fuck i watched all this my mom but yeah um the fuck was i saying i go on tangents man my bad oh what were you talking about cedric

the swimming pool games colleges colleges yeah ben bailey he fucking slammed the body slam me i remember he telling me he goes yeah my body slammed him you know how ben talks yeah he goes he was fucking pissing me off and he comes up on the stage and i go hey you can't you can't touch this microphone he goes i want to i want to do calm and he just fucking bang and the place went nuts oh yeah so ben became this ben ben will ben will fight you he's's 6'5", or whatever. And he's a big Irish, and he doesn't fuck around. He's like that dude. I've seen him get mad at people at the cellar. Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? It's too bad he never did that in Cash Cab. He pulled it over like, you got a problem with me? Yeah, he won an Emmy. They should bring that back. That's like a machine. He said they were going to bring it back. Really?

Yeah. I had auditioned for Cash Cab. We all had done it. Oh, did you? And Ben won an Emmy and brought it to the cellar. Remember that? Oh, that's great. And he beat out Jeopardy that one year.

Damn. Damn. To a killer Trebek. Yeah, he body slammed him. Ben is that guy, man. Ben, when he did did i think he did um america's got talent he did one of the i think he he did the comedy on there uh-huh and i did it rough oh yeah and and heidi klum i think said something crazy to him and he was like what do you

do oh that's how angry ben don't fuck around. Because she was like, oh, I didn't think you were funny. He goes, and what do you do? Wow. I think that's the greatest shit. I love it. She's got to beat her. She's like, you're a little slow. He's like, so are you.

No, I just made this good. He hated her. I know that. Yeah, I heard she was just, but Ben is that kind of guy, you know? She was pretty nice to me. That's cool. Yeah, Mel B was pretty nice to me simon fucked me well that's his whole thing yeah mandel was very nice how did you what made you want to do that you're just trying to sell tickets on the road no doubt no i got you i was young and i was just trying to move some tickets and uh and to be

honest they aired like a five minute segment of me And I got more messages from them It's like 10 million viewers That's huge Wow And I remember Yeah I made it to First round I got a fucking standing O I crushed I crushed And they were like

We don't know if we're gonna use it And I'm like That is so fucked up That I just got a standing O For 5,000 people And you're not gonna use it That's TV And then the second round

I went on too late It was like I went on at like midnight And I got there at 10 a.m. And yeah, and they were like, we're kind of, they're like, yeah, we just made us. No, different audience. But like Simon loved me the first round. He was like, that was, I was expecting to be bad and that was good.

And then the second round, he's like, yeah, it just made me tired. I'm like, what is midnight? Yeah, right. You know, I mean, I i was like that might play a role in it but i watched him be way more vicious to other people it's like i saw these two jewish rappers go on and i thought they were like kind of good and he was like you're terrible like kill yourself i think that's what he's supposed to do yeah that's just his thing he's the heel yeah yeah um with comedy i don't know how you guys i can't do contest con i did one i feel

like you could though i feel like yeah you're like a hell gig machine i feel like just every time i go every time i go to a club though and every time i go to a club no i feel like you could just kill anywhere i mean as a compliment no i'm free because when he said godfrey could follow 9-11. That's a big ass compliment. Yeah, you kill. Listen, I think it's coming from, because the comic strip, when comic strip was actually cool, when there was Lucian,

you guys, it's so funny how you've been around so long. Lucian's a painting now. Wow. And you gotta say you knew that guy. Right, right. Fucking weird. It's like, I knew Picasso.

Let me explain. Yeah. But it's Lucian. You ever go to, you guys even go to the comic strip? Every now and then. He was all over it. I was a comic strip guy. Me, Tom Papa.

Yeah. We were comic strip dudes. Yeah. Jim the Freelander. And then we started heading downtown. We would do Boston Comedy Club. Barry Katz had the Boston Comedy Club. Then I went over to the cellar

trying to get in and Norton got me in Norton was my reference and I think that was a key another guy got me in and I had to wait for Estee to approve me and she kept not watching my shit and then one day I approached her I said hey Estee it's me again

can I and she goes oh okay listen I didn't see your tape, but listen. You come back at 12 o'clock. You do five minutes, okay? I said, all right. And I came back, and that's how I got in. But I would do late night. That's an audition at midnight.

You're not getting 8 p.m. And that's when Esty was smoking. Oh, wow. She smoked? I didn't even know she smoked. Oh, I can see that. Inside the club when smoking was allowed and she's scary now imagine then young smoking israeli this way watching you with with manny

who owned this you know no one's dad right manny was like the manny didn't play that shit and when you were fucking up they would speak in hebrew When you was trash, because I'd stand there and Manny'd go, what do you think about this guy? And then they'd be like, ugh, man. But Manny was funny as fuck. He'd be like, get the fucking cane. Oh! But then when you did well,

they were like, what? Amazing! And Manny was an old Jewish cat with, you know, army. Oh, yeah. He had a belt with a knife in it. He goes, Godfrey, let me show you something. If they fuck with me, this is what they get.

Yeah. And he would click it. A blade. Big ass blade in his belt. Wow. Because Manny would get in scuffles with people. Yeah. Like a rowdy.

Was he stabbing people? But if they attack attack he's like he's damn i was in the israeli army i'd let these motherfuckers he was funny as fuck who about um who about uh who else was the new comics there's like back then yeah it was okay because i think they knew what the seller i mean they sometimes show the list of the people that when i was around it was marin yeah i was host when i would hold a mare it would be todd berry marin depalo o'neill burr when burr had hair yeah oh yeah billy bill burr uh it was uh keith robinson norton uh vos silverman a lot of times silver silverman um shit classic yeah tell yeah tell uh shit um that's a hell of a lineup oh russman eve oh yeah russ is funny russ is so funny this is one of my

favorite jokes of all time can i tell it he goes my he goes i have bad luck with women my last four pregnant girlfriends died in sailing accidents. That's a great joke. That's so funny. That's a great joke. Russ Reed was funny as shit. I loved his joke. He was like a fret dude.

But he had great jokes, man. Great jokes. I don't know if he stopped. Yeah, I always liked him a lot. He was one of those guys that was like, good looking dude. Oh, yeah. But when things don't really. Oh, Geraldo. Oh, of course.

Geraldo. I was around Geraldo all the time. One of the best ever. Geraldo. Great joke writer. Shit. Love this shit. Geraldo.

There was Colin. Colin, of course. That's how we did. What's the thing? Tough crowd. Tough crowd. Because it was all of us there. Yeah.

And we would all just. And it was so good because Manny would be there and we would just fucking rip on each. It was just so fun. Because they don't do that now, no. No, no. Because you guys, we can all fuck with each other. Yeah.

That's all we did. Right. That's all. We were all fucking joking on people. As soon as you came up to the cellar, before they redid it. Yeah. Because the falafel thing was in the front. Right. When you first walk up, that's where you saw them making falafel thing was in the front right when you first

walk up that's where you saw the makeup falafel the spit the spit yeah then you go up and then patrice would be like job of the hut waiting on you and instead they'd be like oh this motherfucker here it's like oh yeah they would we would just start ragging on boss jim those were the main dudes that would just start going in on you what year was that because 98 oh wow because you're in comedian the documentary and you're talking to jerry which must have been a trip back then because seinfeld came back and started to you know he was like i'm coming back to just do comedy again and so he was filming around us. And he saw me.

He would go up after me. And I remember he sat me down. He saw me. Because I had just come back from Egypt. I came back from Egypt. And I came back from Egypt and went to the cellar after I got back. I got back in the daytime. I still went down to the cellar to do a set to talk about Egypt.

Yes. And Sarvel down to the cellar to do a set. To talk about Egypt. Yes. And Sarbel was watching the whole thing. And he goes, and he was like, man, that was good, man. I liked the way he did the camel thing. And then you broke it down and all that shit. I was like, cool. We're talking. And one of the booths.

This is sitcoms. This is icons. This is my biggest show of all time. And he's giving me advice on stuff. Wow. And I was talking to him for an hour. Damn. He's like, dude dude and he said how long you've been doing comedy i said i was bragging i was like yeah about nine years now nine years he goes okay that's kindergarten he goes there but he said let me tell you your whatever age whatever year you are in comedy is your age in comedy

nine year old you're a dumb kindergartner. Right. Right. The best advice, one of the best, whatever your age is in comedy, is your age in comedy. So if you're 25 years, you're a 25 year old. 30 years, you're a 30 year old. It makes total sense. So that's how I got in, because his camera dudes liked me, so I

got in it like two scenes. Oh yeah, I remember that. I've seen the movie so many times, I know you go oh you're gonna go on the road now well you've got enough yeah yeah and you can tell you're trying to be normal you know you're like i know i know him yeah but he seinfeld's very specific though he doesn't know you don't come up to him no i've seen i've stood there while he someone would be like oh jerry love you he goes thanks a lot can i have a picture no thanks that's what he does yeah there's a great scene where a guy goes jeremy huge fan they shake hands and he goes all right i gotta get out of here but it was such a

pleasure and he goes we just shook we don't need to shake twice and i was like oh man i'll never have to shake his hand yeah so it's a tough one it's also like we've all been there though with the drunk after the show who shakes your hand nine times totally we we're like let's just kiss at this point and the thing is as performers if you to go hey dude leave me alone that's a normal reaction yeah but for us it's like oh yeah he was a fucking exactly no you bothered me five times right and i tell them i go dude what if i did that to you i was just it's normal to go dude all right already yeah i'm not being a dick i shook your hand you know but they keep uh and one more thing and one more thing you're like fuck you know i was at the cellar the other night and this this guy comes up

to me he's like a really nice guy he's pissed drunk though and this guy comes up to me. He's like a really nice guy. He's piss drunk, though. And he comes over to me, and he's like, hey, man, I'm a fan. My wife's not doing well. And I said, oh, come here. Let's send her a video. It's like I'm being funny in the video. So we're making a video. I'm trying to be like funny in the video.

Oh, what did he do? A drunk waiter from the cellar comes behind us and starts going, ah! Like his wife's got cancer, you fucking idiot. I'm trying to do a nice thing but he was too drunk to reason with god damn it god damn yeah man that's uh the balance of but that's good everybody i talk to you know i do the road whatever i hope you have here lately we had godfrey different hour every night i hear it too and it makes me feel like shit yeah how do you do it i you know what i think is it boredom are you just at like the top level of the video game you're like i gotta challenge myself i never feel the same on every show and here's here's my weird thinking i go the one thing i don't i've seen people talk

about comics you know, like regular people. And they'll be like, yeah, I love this guy. He just does the same shit all the time. Like, same shit, same. And one time I saw a waitress watching a comic reciting. I've seen it. The Kiss of Death. She's just reciting it.

She wasn't yelling it out. She was going, she was mouthing it. The Kiss of Death. That's how often this person, this never changes their act. And I go, and I was watching it from, I go, oh, I don't ever want that to happen to me right that just gave me a challenge totally you know so i go and i go you know i'm just gonna challenge myself and plus i was always working out new shit all the time i never ever stopped working out new shit i would just go i'm gonna try this i would take a lot of chances like a tell take a lot take a lot. I was around, remember, I was around Geralt, all those guys.

So we were chance takers. We would just, okay, I'm going to try that. I'm going to try that. And Geralt always said, he's like, man, how the fuck are you always doing new shit? I go, I just do it. I don't give a fuck. You can't give a fuck. Yeah, that's true.

That's pretty cool coming from him, though, too. Oh, yeah. He would be like, I fucking hate you. You fucking did a brand new fucking show. I go, and colin quinn taught me to milk a joke like when he first saw me do my nigerian dad joke i started it at the boston comedy club boston used to have 10 people in the fucking room yeah but it was a good workout room in the middle of the in the week so when i was working on car i was working for cosby i think yeah yeah yeah even warm up for cosby warm up i do eight hour warm-ups i'd be fucking dead oh my god i would take the train and go and gina savage who works there now gina was

running the boston comedy club and gina would be like you want to do a a set at 2 a.m.? I'd say, yeah, I'm coming from Queens. I'm going to do my set. And so I would come and I would just, you know, work out new shit. You know what I mean? That's what I did. But there's less pressure at that time. Yeah, you just fucked around and then you would get new shit. You go, oh, that was good.

And Colin saw me do my dad's joke. The first time I ever did my – I said, let me talk about being Nigerian, man. What the fuck? I was born in Nebraska. I'm Niger nigerian grew up in chicago fuck you know i was a lot there so i started to let me talk about me so my first joke was yeah i said what do i do about my dad without putting him down i said uh yeah when i i remember when people used to call my parents house you know how you say it when you're a biggie? You suck at comedy. Yeah. A lot of ums.

It was like, yeah. Anyway. Yeah. Anyway. You guys are good. You're a good crowd. You guys never have a dad? I like you guys.

You never have a dad? Who has a dad, yo? That's crazy. Crazy shit out there. Give it up for the ladies, huh? Yeah. Anyway, what was I talking about? Dads, right?

He's like, my dad was, my dad i'm nigerian you know blah blah i say if you don't believe me i used to say call my parents how my father pick up the phone you think you talk to the lion king right yeah so i'd be like hello can i speak godfrey godfrey's not here you see and that's the laughter i got and i said and then he was like and then he would try to crank call him because they don't believe him. Hello? A Zimba wet click. And I got big laughs.

That was all the joke had. I didn't have anything else. Yeah. But it got big laughs. I said, okay, I can build it right. And Colin saw it. And he goes like this. He goes like this.

I didn't know you were an idea. I didn't fucking work on that shit. He goes like this. He goes, no, this is what you got to do. You got to work on it. You got to have fucking levels to that. You milk that shit. Don't stop.

Stay in that fucking joke. But he told me that shit. Wow. He told me to stop hosting at the Cellar, too. Really? I hosted at the Cellar for five years. When I passed, SD wanted me to host because I had all this energy. I've seen you host, and you're fucking great at it

I could see why you need to get out of that I could host my ass so people would be like yo bring the host I was that dude I know I've seen it Greg Rogel it would be Greg Rogel Barry they were always the first two because they were low energy Greg Rogel it was all of them and I would host from 9 to 3

in the morning it was no little shows it was just one show and i would host from nine to three in the morning jesus it was no it was no little shows it was just one show and they pay you for one show yeah and you had to pay the comics they give you the money and the receipts hilarious oh my god you got a deal todd barry's going up after you i'm gonna bring the energy down real quick hey folks how you doing but can i just say all these yeah i mean now i sound sound like old man Norma, but these young comics, they get one viral thing on TikTok. You're like a blue collar guy clocking in.

You work at the Cosby show. You train down. Then you work at a 2 a.m. with 10 people in the crowd. I mean, it was for the love of the game back then. You're like, maybe I'll get on the Tonight Show. Maybe. Who knows? And a lot of these cats, they go viral.

They're selling out shit. You're selling out. It's going out shit. But you're selling out. It's going good. Listen. You're selling tickets. Come on. Thank God I got. Well, I was selling tickets before because I would do MTV.

Yeah. And 7-Up commercials. Oh, yeah. But I feel like each year has got to be better for you, right? Yeah, because of that social. I'm glad I got on that motherfucker. You got to do it. Six years ago, seven.

Even though they suspended my account. It's suspended right now. Why is that? Just fucking talking shit to somebody that was talking shit back to me. I go, oh, shut up, you fathead. And they go, oh, community guidelines. It's getting so dangerous, man. I wasn't saying anything political.

I didn't talk about Palestine, Israel. I didn't do any of that. I just said, yeah, shut the fuck up like that shit oh it's so it's so dangerous because it's like i mean look there's many forms of censorship right but this is we talk about like sensors on tv this is sensors on social media oh yeah they're silencing you they're making it so you can't say what you want to say and there's so much crazy shit on there that they don't censor and this is the shit they choose they choose that but then there's skinheads and all kinds of shit but it's an algorithm that doesn't understand sarcasm either so it's like so you're getting all the algorithmic sarcastic fucking program well if you say the word nazi

even if you're like shitting on nazis or you're being sarcastic about nazis like you say the word Nazi, even if you're like shitting on Nazis or you're being sarcastic about Nazis. Yeah, you can't do that. He said the word Nazi. Yeah, so the algorithm, ah, ah, no. No. Yeah. Fucking whatever. Yeah, so that's what's happening. That sucks.

That's the skanks. The Legion of Skanks. You know, they got. I saw that. On YouTube. Well, they keep, the goalpost keeps moving in. That's the problem. Like, those guys have always been, like, going for it, which I respect.

Yeah, they would go all like shit. Oh, know what racial shit and i was like yeah lewis is squeezing everything out of that puerto rican bar rack he's like i can say the n-word i got you know a little brown on me but there's gotta be a youtube hat you build up a profile but there's something fucked up about being able to build a profile on this like you put so much into building up your YouTube. And now YouTube is like, oh, you can't do that anymore. It's like, okay, we could like a year ago. Exactly.

How about a warning? Yeah. Don't just take me off. I think they should have a warning. They send us like a digital pamphlet. Yeah. I like pamphlets. No one uses that word anymore.

That's true. Give me a pamphlet. Like, hey, just don't do this. Don't do this. Don't do that. I've been doing lives now on my what's it called on my podcast i'm doing the um youtube uh account i'm like i didn't know that it was that dope i i'm getting super chad you make money oh right right and my buddy you know chad zumach Do I? Fucking nuts. Chad Zumach always fights with Kevin Brennan and shit.

But Chad I've known for a long time. And Chad goes, you know you should be going on your lives with your podcast. So I went on there. I have 415,000 subscribers. Damn. Didn't think to go live on there. It's so hard, you know? Yeah.

And I've been doing it on Instagram. Right. Instagram has been my thing because I've go live on there it's a tard you know yeah and i've been doing it on instagram instagram has been my thing because i've done sketches on there and then they go you should be on youtube i go youtube looks i said youtube looks too hard yeah but it's not it is overwhelming though it's overwhelming but i forgot i built up all these subscribers yeah 450 i may i got 15 000 new ones this this week like in a week and a half i got 15 000 new subscribers just subscribers from going live from coin live whoa so and then they're sending money yeah well you guys don't do that i should be doing that we did it for i did for my special that was about it when i put out a youtube special you should do you like going is live your thing you

guys don't seem like the guys i'll do it like i'll do like a little q a sometimes but like i'm in a hotel room i'm bored i'm like i'll try to be funny in a thing but uh you know but it's uh no it's basketball you know or something yeah that's not we're going live together sometimes i'm down for that you do that dude that's badass yeah basketball the whole you know um yeah so that that's what's been happening with me. Thank God I did social media, man, doing my characters. And that shit has gone viral a lot of times. So I know some of the great impressions you do. But what are some impressions that you don't, like you're great at,

but you don't do a lot? Some obscure ones? I do Jason Statham pretty good because I did it on Jim Norton's show. Let's hear it. He brought Jason Statham to and I, yeah. Oh yeah. I'm the transporter is what I do.

Goldfrey, I heard you were talking like me. Wow. That's dead on. I did. And Jim Norton called me and says, Godfrey, I'm bringing Jason Statham on. What? You have to. God, you have to come on. You have to come on. I said, okay. It i'm bringing jason statham on what you have to you got you have to come on you have to come on i say okay it came on there jason statham i'm talking with jason statham like what the fuck man and then opie it was opie and jim at the time and opie goes yeah you do a jason i didn't know when he was gonna say it i go fucking jason oh that's when he was a

sky uh high dive oh is that him yeah he's diving when What? What a hunk. Yeah, he's a badmuffin. He's just a badass. He's just been a badass forever. And he's still going. He's in that new movie Bumblebee Man or whatever. Yeah, Beekeeper. Beekeeper, that's it. Bumblebee Man.

Sorry. I think that's the Simpsons guy. The Mexican guy, yeah. How about, are you pumped that Trump is back because you get to bring back Trump? Listen, man, let's keep it real are you pumped that Trump is back because you get to bring back Trump? I'm so happy. Listen, man, let's keep it real. We're happy he's back. You know, Shane Gillis, all of us that do Trump. It's going to be Cat Williams.

I did a Trump Cat Williams thing, and it was cool. Oh, smart. Because I have a fucked up wig. But all you do is have a red tie and a blue jacket. People know. You could put a nest on your head as long as it's blonde. Cat Williams. Very good video. Smart to combine.

Cat Williams. Puerto Rico. Oh, is this from Rich Eisen? Cat Williams is smart because he shit on Rogan, and Rogan's like, come on. You know what I liked about Rogan? Rogan, I mean, like Kat said. Oh, there you go. Wow, you're not fucking around with that wig.

I'm going to be your president. You know what it is. 2024, you're president. But enough about me, enough about me. Did you see the amazing interview by Kat Williams? I'll repeat it again by Cat Williams. I'll repeat it again. Cat Williams. Williams.

Very, very, very funny comedian. I never really heard about Cat Williams. Never really heard about him. Until this week when I saw his interview. Wow. It's broken the internet. It's the only time you get a comedian in a suit is when they're doing an impression of someone else and then i even said uh you know club shea shea is um

a shannon sharp show club shea shea you go welcome club shea shea club shea shea that's the clue shea shea and i and i said club shasha and then i said club shasha. And then I said, club shashank. Shashank. Nice. Yeah, I love that. DeSantis groveling to Trump is so funny. I haven't seen that. After Ron DeSantis, he backed out. So just watching him try to go Trump and then lose to Trump.

And Trump in front of him. Him just having to be like, you know. DeSantis, like, when I would hear about how DeSantis was, like, canceling black history shit, he was just this hardcore governor. Then when I heard him talk, I go, are you fucking kidding me? That's his voice. He goes, I just want to tell you. Listen, I hope to run for president.

Get your fucking bitch ass voice. Listen to him talk. His bitch ass voice. By him talk His bitch ass voice Hampshire Governor of Florida Hampshire Listen guys Listen man

You watch Trump he's like working on nicknames The way we work on material Where he's like fat Ron DeSantis And no one laughs And then the next week he's like meatball Ron And it kills he's like it's in the act He's like fat Ron DeSantis and no one laughs. And then the next week he's like, meatball Ron and it kills. He's like, it's in the act. It's in the act.

He's like a comic. He works it out. He's like a comic. Please show. You're going to show him? Watch this. We left it all out on the field. Now following our second place finish in Iowa,

we've prayed and deliberated on the way forward. I've never really listened to him. He's bitch made. He's bitch made. He's bitch made. Get the fuck out. Florida. Like Florida be like, God damn,

Florida beat Gator. Got the B-Doo Salmonoos. And he's like this, my fucking state. I want to tell you. Shit, Miran can run for fucking. Yes.

Miran Kagani. Shout out to Miran Kagani. There you go, Miran can run for fucking. Yes! Miran Kagani. Shout out to Miran Kagani. There you go, Miran. Yo, that's fucking, yo. I'm just like, whatever the fuck out of here. I like the picture of Trump calling Gina Savage. I got to come down there. I got a couple nicknames.

I need to work them out. Gina Savage got some words. Just trying to work some things out that would be hilarious if we got bumped by Trump Trump just comes on he's like Sleepy Joe it's in the act Trump would sell the fuck out

he does, he does arenas yeah he's got a rally he could sell the fuck out he sells merch what about show Trump when he goes when the lady, what's her name? Megan Gooden, the little hot, the mean one, the hot one from Fox when she asked Trump. Megyn Kelly?

Oh, and she goes, and Trump goes, just Rosie O'Donnell. And the place laughs like a comedy club. Oh, pull it up. And he's waiting. He goes, just Rosie O'Donnell. And the place, place i mean they're laughing like you know like a def jam audience right right the black people laugh yeah watch watch this shit this is this is it um this is a man who has called women pigs no no no not that

one is it megan who has said this is when he won the presidency. Pregnancy is an inconvenience to employers who has said women don't deserve. No, you got to get Megyn Kelly. It has to be the one where he goes, you say you. But this is when he was like a more chill because in the Biden debates, he's like cutting them off. He's like, shut up, shut up. But here he's like, no, not true. I cannot wait for him. I'm sorry.

It's just going to be great. It's OK. Here we go. like, no, not true. I cannot wait for him to be. I'm sorry. It's just going to be great. Okay, here we go. Oh, she's good looking. Oh, man. Dogs, slobs, and disgusting animals. He perks up. Only Rosie O'Donnell. Watch the place.

Watch the place. Damn, it is Jeff Jam. Holy shit. They're dying. Wow, he stole that from Mark Curry. Bitch ass. Watch his face when he comes with a line in his head. Yes, yes.

He's got the light bulb. What did he perk, though? Slobs and disguise. Yes, there it is. Yo, do that again. That's fucking amazing. He even grabs the mic. He sets it up.

Let's do that perk. Slobs and disco. Yo, this pop-up. He's a fucking pest dispenser. What the fuck was that? Almost like a Rodney. Like, here it comes. I tell you.

Yo, that was. Let's do dueling Rodneys real quick. He does a better Rodney. No, I don't. I'll tell you, you're all right. You're a great crowd. Great crowd. Great crowd.

I'll tell you, Johnny, you got a lot of work, Johnny. Just pick your favorite. My mother never breastfed me. Well, let me do it again. Thank you. Take two. I got a throw.

Let me see. My mother never breastfed me. She told me she liked me as a friend. That's fucking great. That's great. It's like, my wife always told me, why don't you take me somewhere different i took it to the kitchen i go on a rodney dangerfield like i go on a um rabbit hole like every couple weeks and he was on johnny carson over 300 something times is that right 300 i think it was yeah

carson insane there's there's some rodney dangerfield interviews where carson literally forgets about the other guests and has rodney on so long that rodney goes uh so how you doing johnny just goes he just run because he he loved him yeah so much he made him a superstar and johnny lets you sit down i think it's over three I don't know how many. The one where he. Detroit. That's a great place.

I'll pick up some plugs and points while I'm there, too, I think. You know what I mean? I mean, the center stage in Detroit Friday night. They didn't have that down there. They didn't have that down there? Well, what are they going to do? The center stage in Detroit. Center stage.

I mean, Dangerfield Saturday night. I'll be in Dangerfield the whole month of June. You got to keep busy all the time. You reopened it. You know, and I relaxed, too, you know. You're not in relax. I went to a wild party. I was watching Back to School the other day. It's the best movie. But even the throwaway lines when he's talking about his, Burt Young's talking about Rodney's shitty ex-wife. He goes, hey, don't knock Vanessa.

She gives great headache. It's like a throwaway. That's great. I love that shit. Yeah, man. That's when, I have a, oh, this is a good story. You remember Fabio? Sure.

Okay. Now, Fabio, Italian, this is a good story. You remember Fabio? Sure. Okay. Now, Fabio, Italian, like, model, super. Yeah, Fabio works out at my gym in L.A. What? Equinox on Sunset. Okay. Right off Sunset. So, Fabio, and I love Fabio because Fabio does not play games.

He's all about pussy. He don't play games. He's like Italian, old school. And he goes, and me and Chad, we have pictures, me and Chad. And he goes, and he's always talking like this. You see that? Oh, fucking beautiful. He's like an old school creep.

Not creep, but he doesn't creep on girls. But he was a supermodel. So he used to live in New York. And he told me the story. He goes, you guys do comedy, right? Yeah. He goes, you know, I have a great story of Rodney Dangerfield. So we used to live in a palladium.

It was a really expensive apartment place when he was a supermodel. And he goes, I remember we lived down the hall from Rodney Dangerfield. And Rodney, one time, you know, whenever we would go out time you know whenever we would go out you know we would like play music we play music because you know my all the models guys are on my house he goes i remember rodney dangerfield he just he would always have a robe on and be naked under yeah and he would come in all fucking you know yeah and one day he broke in he said hey why how come you never invite me to your parties you always have parties you never invite me he goes rodney we don't have we're just playing music no you're fucking lying you gotta start inviting me to your parties what the fuck you

know and and and they would he would do that break in butt naked wow and sometimes and then sometimes he they would have to pick rodney dangerfield up uh in the middle of the hallway because he'd be fucked up knocked out so they had to carry him he goes rodney was a wild motherfucker oh yeah yeah he liked to get fucked up until he got sober with his new girl right look at that sandler fabio and rodney and i'm in a room together see what i'm saying yeah yeah that's that's he gave it yeah gave us that account he goes yeah this shit, this shit was wild. Holy moly. I'll tell you, I drink too much. I got a urine sample.

They found an olive in it. Yo, that shit's so good. He's classy. You heard the Leno story. Rodney's on his deathbed. He's in a coma. He's in the hospital, and his wife is there, and she's like, Jay, just talk to him. Try to make him feel better.

I don't know if he can hear you, but he's in a coma, so do whatever you can. And Jay's like, all right. And he puts his finger in Rodney's hand it's like that he's out and he goes uh if he squeezes your finger that means he feels you and he squeezes his finger and jay goes rodney i love you that's not my finger and he said rodney like twitched so you gotta laugh at him right at the end i don't want you to be late for your thing. You have a thing to do. I'm pushing it a little bit. No, I have to do something like

there's a car coming for me. I have to do one of these interviews. It's ABC, but you have to say, what do you feel about people lengthening their legs? Haven't you heard about those new operations they perform now? No. You can get taller now.

Oh, DeSantis. So they break your legs and they put a thing in there so you can be taller. Yeah, there's the new operations that are happening now. So it's a long recovery too. Yeah, you got to learn to walk again. And I just think that shit fucking looks painful. This is my ticket to the NBA dude yeah yeah right who's the spokesperson Tonya Harding

I don't even Cat Williams you want to get taller but yeah I don't yeah it's the new thing so one one guy did it. He was like 5'9", and now he's like 6'2". What? But he had to, you know, they have pictures of him walking. Damn, that does not seem worth it. No. I mean, insecurity is lucrative.

Well, you guys are tall already, so you don't know what this is like. Would it be worth a few more inches? No, I'm 5'10". If I was short. But if you're already getting pussy, who gives a fuck? All right, you got a point there. I mean, but you're married. I'm sorry.

But yeah. But you're getting professional pussy, who gives a fuck? I already got a point there. I mean, but you're married. I'm sorry. But yeah. But you're getting professional pussy. Yeah, I had a good run. But yeah. But you know, if you're still getting girl, who gives a fuck? If you're not getting any women, maybe so. Every actor's like five, six. Yeah.

Peter Dinklage is giving girls to Dinklage. You know what I mean? He must be, right? Yeah. He came to the cellar. Really? To see you. Chappelle was there and he was fucked up.

You know whenever Chappelle's in town, the most random actors show up. Right. You go, how the fuck does he? Yeah. I don't know all these motherfuckers. Well, it started with John Mayer. You're like, what are they doing together? Yeah, Mayer was hanging with Sherrod first.

Oh, interesting. But Esty wanted me and John Mayer to hang out, but I was never around. I was always out, gone, on the road. But he started hanging with Sherrod, tight. Then James Smith. Remember James Smith? Oh, I love James Smith. I just saw him in Australia.

James Smith was, I'm not going to lie, James Smith is a cloud chaser. I said it, James. Great, great comedian. Ooh, baby. Very funny. But he's a cloud chaser. He's very funny though because I love James

James I said dude you're so fucking hilarious your joke writing is dope and but he was John Mayer's dude then because I this is I remember when it got too bad because Sherrod didn't want anybody hanging out with John Mayer he didn't want anybody talking to John Mayer for too long I'm not even bullshitting

you then it was weird. Then James Smith, one day me and John are talking, and his brother, I think his brother's name's Carl. John has a brother who's taller than him. Because, you know, John is like 6'2", 6'3". Yeah, yeah, tall guy. His brother Carl is a business guy, taller than him.

So we're all hanging, and he's with his dad. He brought his dad, too, to the cellar. And we're all talking. And then James comes over and goes, are you all right, buddy? You good, buddy? Uh-oh. I was like, James, get the fuck out of here.

We're in the same restaurant. Right. Yeah, it got really weird. Oh, no. Yeah, it got really weird. So, yeah. And so, you know, but John tried to do comedy, too. Yeah.

And I remember sitting with David Tell. You know how David Tell waits on the stairs? He was waiting on the stairway to go on at the cellar. John Mayer's on stage. Oh, boy. Another recipe for something good. John's on stage. And John, listen, great guitarist the whole nine.

So, John's doing some weird shit on stage not working right Dave goes up you know how Dave could like he does this thing where he's talking about you but it's so clever yeah just that jab like that Ali shit he goes he's like John Mayer

he's like John Mayer doing comedy he goes you know what you can see me around the corner playing guitar is it killing show the Shannon Sharp laugh and he was crushing with this right

oh it was I was there I was like oh that was beautiful, oh, that was beautiful. I love when it tells. I love when it tells Killing So Hard that he starts banging the microphone stand. Yeah, he goes, ah, damn boogie. Do you remember anything else? Do you remember anything else he said from that set?

The John Mayer lines? Fuck no. He just said that because he was waiting. And he's like, what are you doing? And he just did it. And Mayor laughed, but he knew it was a jab. I was right. I was like, good.

You got to laugh. But it's like, get off. Yeah, it's not for everybody. Just play your guitar. Yeah. You could be a fan of comedy, but you don't see us taking guitar lessons. No. I would like to, you know i'm not

gonna i'm not gonna go and join a band yeah if i if i want to learn instruments but it's for myself i'm not gonna go oh hey you didn't see me on monday at the cellar i know you hear that gnome got up with the band already no one's a fantastic uh he's incredible His father was a mandolin player too Oh really? There's footage of his dad playing in the 60s What? Yeah man Damn

What a cool lineage Yeah man I don't see you at the cellar quite as much Are you still coming down a lot? You mean the original cellar? Well either, I don't know Our timing's out. Yeah, we're all busy.

I'm on the road. I've been going there earlier because I'll show you why. Salacus, you can play. This is today. That's why I don't see you. You don't do late night shit. You guys. I saw you last week.

I'm there always late. I like the late. Late for me works for me because it just makes it better for you. Yeah. I think that's where aziz ansari started following me i know aziz strange dude but he's always been my friend yeah but he goes he goes he goes man he's like i've been going late because you're always late i think it makes i want to do what you're doing and it makes you better it challenges you it challenges you and that's i've

always been the late dude just i just me dave dave we just like late and i stay late yeah yeah no i get it and then it's too after everybody's done their shit you don't have to worry about anybody bitching about you being on there too long that's why we go if i go late i'm gonna do extra time yeah i'm the last guy yeah no okay what's the difference? Everyone did the unicycle shit. This is why I'm calling in early. Why? It's outside my window. Oh, damn. Every day for five months?

Nine months? Five months? 16? 18? Yeah. But that's how they get paid. I know. They take their time.

They hit two. They go like this. Dink, dink, break time. Oh, dude, but this is better than it used to be. They used to be on my window, just banging on the window. What did they fix? What are they doing? I don't fucking know.

Some Section 11 horse shit. They have to make sure loose bricks don't fall out, so they're going through every brick in the building. They're building houses for the migrants. Yeah, they extend my friend works construction. He goes, yeah, we take our time, get that money. Oh, yeah. Union.

Yeah, union. Keep those fucking cones around there and start hammering away. works construction he goes yeah we take our time get that money you know yeah union yeah you keep those fucking cones around there and start hammering away and you don't know what the fuck we're banging on you gotta go early i used to be a late night guy there too but i'm like i can't i get woken up at fucking 8 15 from that shit i got time do you get to do this i've been calling or i'm like just i'll only do early eight o'clock yeah like i'll do like nine or ten but after not after not after 10 anymore. Wow, good for you. Just because the fucking, I used to love the late shows because it would be a tell.

Yeah. And I would just watch. But early shows are fun too. It's like Quinn and Norton and shit. And the crowds are so behaved. They're almost too behaved. Oh, they're really behaved. Norton's new shit, man, is so funny.

He's great. Is it? Oh my God. It's all about his trans wife. It's fucking incredible. I gotta see that shit. It's so funny and like, you've never heard this type of perspective. funny he's great is it oh my god it's all about his his trans wife it's fucking incredible i gotta see that shit it's so funny and like you've never heard this perspective yeah he was always a he always talked about that twisted shit though yep he was always for everybody yeah it was cool yes

and i remember he would go i always because i don't know i learned from the seller on how to shit on the crowd and dig a hole and come back out of it. Yeah. I was never like, hey, guys. I was like, yo, what? You fucking horrible crowd. What's up? Yeah, yeah.

You know, and Dave was like that. And Jim was the best because he'd go up. People were like, give up for Jim Norton. They'd be like, he goes, what, did I suck on the way up? I hate you people. When I auditioned, I had to follow Norton. It was the height of O&A. So he was like a star.

And he was riffing. He was killing. And a hot lady walked to the bathroom. And he goes, holy shit, are you single? She goes, yeah. And he goes, what's your name? She goes, I'm Sheila. He goes, I'm going to fuck Sheila in the bathroom.

Kills. He gets off. And I'm freaking out because I'm on next. I'm auditioning. I'm a young nobody. And I go up and I just go, that was a little awkward. I was dating Sheila a minute ago. And it killed.

Thank God. But it was a risk. Big risk. Nice job. Esty was there. She was like, oh, I like that. I thought you were a hack. I like the way you bounced off.

Oh, I remember Esty. Esty got good comedic timing, too. There's a guy. I remember some dude, I don't think he was a regular at the cellar, so he was eating his balls. He was like a hack comic from some fucking city. And he came on there and tried to get that juice

from that dead New York fucking, just ate his ass up. So he comes up, I remember this shit. He goes up, Keith goes on next. Keith goes on murdering. And so the guy comes up, he goes, yeah, the on next keith goes on murdering and so the guy comes he goes yeah the crowd just didn't get me and then he goes well keith is killing oh my god that's heartbreaking oh keith i don't understand she's quick what did he say to that he goes oh he goes no keep this killing oh yeah oh that's brutal oh yeah it was sure you keep this keep this killing. It was you. Oh, yeah. Esty was like that. Oh, yeah. It was you.

Keep this killing. We were there for brunch last weekend, and John Laster was like, you know, it says here, this is crazy, that what's the average amount of people most people have sex with in their life? And the average was five. And I was like, five? That's insane. And Esty goes, it is more than five.

She's quick like that. Oh, yeah. He's fucking, yeah, man. Damn. This is cool. I do got to leave, though. All right. Well, dude, plug some dates coming up.

When is this showing? When is it coming out? Good question. That is a damn February. I'll be like, January, I'll be at the. Yeah, right. February 4th. Okay, not bad.

Hey, Black History. Black History Month. Y'all planned this on purpose. See, the white man always has an agenda. Hey, Garfrey, come on the set. I go, is it February? Yeah, shortest month. I think we got 29 days this year, though.

Oh, no. Yeah, bitch. They're always late. Yo, check it out. Okay, February. February. Okay, the 9th and 10th, I'm zany's in in in um uh tennessee zany's it's a great club zany's the 9th and 10th all right show the fuck up it'll be good i always

have a good time there shout out to lucy she's fantastic um the 15th to the 18th, San Antonio, LOL. San Antonio, the 15th to the 18th. And then I got, oh, West Nyack. West Nyack. Oh, nice. 22nd to the 25th. 22nd to the 25th. West Nyack, Levity Live, Levity Live. And then go to GodfreyLive.com.

All my dates up there. Nice. GodfreyLive.com. Check out where I'm going to be. I got dates all the way up to december i think and also go to every show because he does a different fucking hour and i want to be like these guys i gotta give you all credit i love what you guys are doing i love you doing theaters you earned it you fucking earned it you guys are some of the greatest

comedians around that's facts your writings and fat i watch all your i watch all you guys and shit well i love your videos i love your jokes you guys have fucking earned it because i've watched you and i've seen you work so and you guys continue to work so congrats on you guys man which is badass that's why i say i'm coming back on your motherfucking podcast and shout out to adam carolla who always puts me on his podcast you kill it on there it on there. He's a big fan. He goes, God, I need you on my podcast again. Come on. He's so odd. But he loves me because he produces

with my first agent, one of my first agents, Mike August. You know, he does a lot of car documentaries. And so I was watching all his race car documentaries. I'm a big Doc fan. And I go, Mike August. I go, producer Mike August. producer mike i go shit i know

mike august it sounds like my agent and he goes yeah i was like that's my agent oh crazy oh wow so yeah he's a his producing partner is my was my first agent so yeah corolla man he shows me a lot of love yeah yeah you guys do he's quick as hell no we love you man and uh yeah i'll be in uh i'll be in dallas uh addison improv okcC, Bricktown Comedy Club, Irvine Improv. Those are sweet. Salt Lake City and then new special with the Wilbur. So looking forward to that. I'm going to shoot a Wilbur.

I'm shooting my December. I'm going to shoot December 14th. I want to shoot a special. I love the fucking Wilbur. Great room. I love the Wilbur. Samorell.com slash shows. Yeah.

Wilbur's the best. A pod, too. A podcast. Oh, my podcast. In Godfrey, we trust on Gas Diddle. I've been on it. Yeah. I got to come back sometime.com slash shows. Wilbur's the best. A pod, too. A podcast. Oh, my podcast. In Godfrey, we trust on Gas Digital. I've been on it. Yeah. I got to come back sometime.

That was great. Gas Digital Network, Tuesdays and Fridays, me and Dante. And I'm celebrating my 500th episode. Oh! Oh, wow. I'm going to do it live at the stand. I've never done a live episode. So I'm doing it at the stand on January 30th. But, you i'm doing at the stand uh on january 30th so

but you know that's cool that'll be great hey martinromacomedy.com coming all over your face houston san antonio charlotte boise salt lake atlanta raleigh austin working guys tucson phoenix yeah we're gonna work it never take your work for granted guys no ever go away at any moment we're in a boom baby and people will say yo what was there was one comic he's not a real comic instagram comic and he's he has so many followers that they it's not really that good a comic he packs theaters he goes anybody does comedy clubs where i go no dude 99 of comics do comedy clubs because it's a fucking comedy club hell yeah comedians that was my plan was to get to make the shit fit for the taping, you know, to just get the

reps. Listen, even when you go to theaters and comedy clubs, you always want both. You always want both. Yes. I agree. Because these comedy clubs aren't small. Some of them are four, five hundred seats. Exactly.

Not easy to fill. I don't give a fuck if it's a D room. Not easy to bring people to come and see you. And there's waiters walking around. There's chicken wings. There's checks. There's all kinds of shit. There's a hundred seaters that people are trying to get people to come to. you. And there's waiters walking around, there's chicken wings, there's chicks, there's all kinds of shit. There's a hundred seaters that people are trying to get

people to come to. You got that right. So it's a big privilege and don't ever take it for granted. Never. Don't ever take that shit for granted. I'm telling you, 2008 when they had that big financial and comics weren't working, they were like I'm never going to refuse a gig. I said, I never did. You shouldn't take that for

granted, bro. There you go. You know what I mean? Right on. Get some Bodega Cat and check out Godfrey. See Godfrey on tour. We'll see you. BodegaCatWhiskey.com. All right. Thank you, guys. Clip, Shay, Shay.

Clip, Shay, Shay. Thank you. Sunday's the day for my next bender. A bit of Pivarec. You know the beer juice close. I've had a little too much bourbon. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way

Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way In New Orleans, this woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way. We might be true.