We Might Be Drunk - Ep 169: Dan Soder & Shane Gillis

Episode Date: March 4, 2024

It's a wrestling extravaganza with Macho Man Randy Savage, Hulk Hogan and Bret Hart and featuring Shane Gillis & Winnie the one eyed pug! What a great episode 169, surprise drop in from Shane Gillis, fresh from recording an episode of Dan Soder's podcast "Soder". We have a great time talking wrestling, comedy, movies, Saturday Night Live recaps and more. Watch Dan's comedy special out now on his YouTube Channel  @DanSoder Go See Shane on the road: https://www.shanemgillis.com/ Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/ Mark Normand: https://marknormandcomedy.com/#schedule!loading Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Bodega Cat: http://www.bodegacatspirits.com We Might Be Drunk is produced, recorded and edited by Gotham Production Studios. Head producer: Matthew Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/  If you want to start a podcast contact [e-mail] for a discount on services when referred by WMBD! Support the show and get 20% off your 1st Sheath order at https://www.sheathunderwear.com with promo code DRUNK Support the show and get $20 off your Diet Smoke order at https://www.dietsmoke.com with code DRUNK20.

for dudes to be racist patriotism dude the big one in wrestling we're rolling right the big one in wrestling back in the day was when i think was hacksaw jim duggan who was like america and iron sheet got busted in a dui together so like people were like wait the people the last few people who like, this isn't real. Yeah, yeah. They were like, wait a second. They're fucking doing blow and getting shit faced because wrestlers live hard. We're in wrestling outfits right now, guys, because our guest is Dan Soder today and he's

best macho man impression in the biz. He loves wrestling. We thought we'd surprise him. You got that right, brother. Yeah, it was cool to like america back then it's cool to say hogan say an er that you know yeah brother that's right oh yeah he sued gawker as well he brought him down he brought down gawker that was his ultimate body slam yeah fuck he won like you know 25 mil on that more more he destroyed them they kind of

had it coming they did they suck i'm sorry we talked about this last week it was peter teal we i mean that's right is that is that hulk here this one here i never knew that was hulk yeah he's writing oh he's writing nwo but people say it was michael richards the whole time. Holy shit. Hulk Hogan, so many scandals. Yeah. I mean, the sex tape, the N-word stuff. Was he even someone else's wife? Like Bubba the Love Sponge's

wife. That's right. And Bubba the Love Sponge had cameras rolling in his house. I don't know how it leaked. Who would have thought a guy named Bubba the Love Sponge would turn out to be a piece of shit? A Tampa DJ is bad? What? Also, Love Sponge sounds like a diaphragm. Does it not?

That's what Elaine was looking for. You're out of sponges. Spongeworthy? Yes, exactly. Dude, yeah, Hogan was, I was never a Hogan guy. Not really. He was like the obvious guy, and comics, I feel like, were contrarians. Yeah.

I was always, Macho Man was my guy. Macho Man was the cool end, Slim Jim, don't forget. That was the shit. Oh, yeah. Macho Man, he was like a minor league baseball player, too, that guy. He was kind of like a, because I remember they did like a softball game on one of the pay-per-views, and I was like, this guy's fucking belting the ball. Yeah, that explains his glasses.

That's like a real baseball guy, glasses. Yeah, there's Oakley's. Look at that card. Is that him? Yeah. Randy Poffo. Poffo. Poffo.

God, I loved him, dude. He just knew how to be good in the mic. Yeah. And then, you know, the obvious. I mean, Bret Hart, Razor Ramon in the 90s. And then later on, of course, like Stone Cold, The Rock, Mankind. Yeah, the later years were a little too shiny i like the grit i like how these guys are sweaty they're a little out of out of like hulk hogan was always

a little too smooth and not chiseled i like that i like that they're like real hogan's not chiseled you're saying i'm saying no are you kidding me he's like i don't want to say doughy but he's uh come on he's like a seal he's like a manatee where's he like you see guys now and it's like a seal. He's like a manatee. You see guys now, and it's like 12-pack. They got great haircuts. They're good jawlines. They're on Ozempic, and they have Botox. He's ripped. Don't get me wrong.

He's ripped. And I do love that he just commits. He's like, I'm going to be bald with long hair. Yes. Yes, he's bald. He's like, I'm going to commit to having just the trashiest look of all time. That's what I'm saying. Like the Million Dollar Man, the only Jewish wrestler.

But the million dollar man. No, no, no. A Jewish wrestler would never brag about their money. They'd be like, I'm doing fine. Right, right. And then in the backlogs, they'd be like, I'm fucking. Yeah. Wasn't there a guy named IRS?

Yeah. Is that right? It was like an accountant or something. Obviously, he was a heel. Yes. We got to pull up some of these photos for this. Yeah, he was an IRS. Oh, man.

No one liked him. See, these are like normal looking guys. I mean, they're- Dude, he's enormous. They're huge. Yeah, but look at that guy. They're not normal looking dudes. I'll tell you, I was watching Reacher.

It's a terrible show, but I love it. Yeah. I mean, the main guy is enormous. Pull up a picture of this guy, Alan Richson. is enormous every episode ends it's like the whole time i'm watching him like how this dialogue sucks and then at the end it ends with reacher on the phone with the bad guy robert patrick and he goes i'm gonna fucking kill you and i'm like all right i gotta stick around or he'll be like i can't wait to throw you out of a helicopter like he always has one line at the end or he'll be like i'm gonna need more guns i you out of a helicopter. Like he always has one line at the end where he'll be like, I'm going to need more guns.

I'm like, all right, one more ride. It's funny how this is like as old as time. He's just a crazy cowboy, loner, Charles Bronson. But it still hits. It still works. He's just a hunk and a half. He is a hunk. But I'll tell you, he's almost like too big where he has love scenes with this woman.

And they're not even hot. Really? He's too big. She looks like tiny. It looks like we were fucking a kid. The size difference. I'd like to see that. The size difference.

Not if we were actually doing that. Wait a second. Don't demonetize us yet. Wait a minute. Wait, now I get it. Is that? Oh, wow. Yeah, he is huge.

Dude, he's like too huge. But is that trick photography? What, that last one? Yeah, maybe they just hire little people. Well, that guy's little, but no, he is huge. And he's even bigger this season. What do you think? He's 6'5 or something?

I think he's like my height, but he's just enormous. Wow. He's like 6'3 probably, but like he's, yeah, look at him. He's just. Yeah. This is what I'm saying. Look at him. He's chiseled.

Like every muscle is defined. That's a new thing. It's funny how we all talk about body positivity, but everyone's on Botox. Right. Everyone is way more... Ozempic. Ozempic. Like Matt Rife's getting his face surgery.

Is that real? That's what I heard. I don't know. He blasted his plastic surgeon, so I figured it must be real. And I'm not knocking him. I'm just saying, like, he's gone way more. Are we able to play this, Matt, or no? It's a scene from Reacher.

Sure. Keep taking out money. I mean, this is the vibe of the show, just so you know. You pull it up. He sees a woman, and he says, keep taking out money. He sees she's shaking and maybe beating a little bit. He knows she's in trouble. This is if.

Yes. Okay. This is already hot. She's crying. Is this his girlfriend? No, it's a little bit. He knows she's in trouble. This is if... Okay. This is already hot. She's crying. Is this his girlfriend? No, it's a regular woman. Oh. He sees she's in trouble.

He can tell. Oh, I thought we were pulling up a love scene. He's not just the most badass dude. He's also the smartest. Oh, really? Yeah. So he can just sense anything. Yeah, yeah.

See, this is the guy he knows is shaking her down. Oh, God. Keegan-Michael Key is gonna get it oh shit i mean i mean the dialogue's bad but then this shit happens you're like all right i'll keep watching is he flawed at all he's like a handsome buff guy who beats everybody up he's got no flaws he's kind of perfect. And every flashback, he does the right thing. There's no nuance.

He's just a killing machine who is good in the army and cool. His only flaws is that he can't, I mean, it's not even a flaw. He doesn't like material possession. So he just goes town to town with nothing but a toothbrush. What? Really? Yeah, he gets on the bus and he's like, that's how he shows up. He doesn't like stuff.

Wow. In the love scene, she's like, you got a condom? He's like, just a toothbrush. I'm like, Gary, sorry. This is basically like if a porno writer wrote an action. It is. You know, it gets right to it. There's no dialogue.

There's no story or plot. Either way, it ends with someone getting blasted in the face. Yeah. No, you're right. It is almost like porno, like i'm i gotta tell you i like every time i you know anytime i think i'm out i'm like something badass happens i'm like all right i'm not knocking it you turn just like porno off yeah exactly you just need to get a hit you turn your brain off you enjoy it it's fun who are the wrestling was like i feel like back in the

day i haven't watched in years but I feel like when I grew up... I feel like as a kid, it's just the perfect combo of comedy and sports. Yeah. It's theater. I mean, it's good versus evil. It's heel, bad guy, good guy. Did you know that Patrice O'Neal used to write for the WWE? I heard that.

He wrote storylines. I think Dan St. Germain and Mike Lawrence did as well. Did they? Yeah, I believe so. They're upset. Michael Che's obsessed. A lot of comics love wrestling. Matt McCarthy.

It would be fun to go to a match sometime. Oh, I bet. We should do that sometime. I would love to hear the backstage shit. I bet they're like comics because they start at the open mic level in a high school gym, and they have to find their voice. They're like, I'm the pebble. And they're like, ah.

And then 10 years later, he's like, I'm the rock. I figured it out. He's working it out. Yeah. Or Stone cold got a beer thrown at him and he was like hey you know they had to find their thing best heckler takedown they're throwing beers at him he just catches it yes oh there you go owns it now i got my voice yeah i mean it's like you're watching popeye has a spinach you're like what's a badass version of that? I'll get drunk. Good point. That's it, right? Shane Gillis stole that. And then they're like, all right, not 20, though. You just need like five.

Yeah, yeah. What were you going to say, Sally? I cut you off. No, I didn't cut you off. Okay, okay. Just checking. What else are we talking about? Oh, dude, where were you this weekend?

I was in Hotlanta, Atlanta. And I love Atlanta. Underrated city. Like a great city. I always say it's like I have a country music video and a rap video fucked because they got like sexy gay black guys and then like super kind of southern white dudes, and everybody's getting along.

It's a good vibe. I love Atlanta. Good city. A lot of good food too. Great food, great time. Went out drinking. Me and Caleb sign in. He opened. he opened he's killer yeah he kills and uh we went out and what did we do i can't remember but then at the end we're like let's go to get one more we got one more drink we went to like a neighborhood

pub right by the hotel and just hung out with all the locals and nobody knew who we were and it was great and then i was too hung over where'd you fucked up? Just some bar. It was called the 13th Street Pub or something. I loved it. Took a few drunken photos and then stumbled back to the hotel, flew to Raleigh, did a show in Raleigh. Raleigh was great. Another great town. Yeah, it's great.

And then flew home. Quick, easy flights. Nothing more than two and a half hours. Loved it. Those are nice, but flying every day can get tough. That's a bit. When you get a run like that, I was in Irvine, Cali. Good time.

A lot of fucking trashy drunks in that town. I got to tell you. Oh, my God. The hotel we were in, I guess it was like a rooftop bar. Oh. Getting into this elevator, I was like, these are fucking bad drunks. Really? Nothing worse than people that don't know how to drink.

I know. There's all these tech conference-y dudes just there. They're in there like, here's a peeve. The guy jumping drunk in an elevator. Oh. What are you? Are you trying to kill us? Yeah.

I hate that guy. I'm like, I want you to die, but don't take us all down with you. Right. That's up there with the friend who would do this shit when you were driving. You're like, what are you doing, man? I'm trying to get us home. You're going to kill us. And he's laughing maniacally.

I'm like, who's the joke on? Oh, dude, there were a lot of those. And it was like, for some reason, these hotels always have horrible working elevators. I'm like, what the hell is going on? The crowds were very good. But we did get like, for whatever reason, that hotel, man, it's just like, you got to pick what's close to the venue. Was this Irvine?

Yeah, yeah. Don't play it, though. Don't play it. This is one of the best I've ever seen you do. It was a crazy moment. I don't want to play my crowd work on the fucking pod. They could find me. All right. Go to his venue. Was this Irvine? Yeah, yeah. Don't play it though. Don't play it. This is one of the best I've ever seen you do. It was a crazy moment. I don't want to play my crowd work on the fucking pod.

All right. Go to his Instagram. It's one of his best ever. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's more like a crazy moment that I just rolled with.

It was just like, yeah, there was a guy who saw his ex at the show and he called it out and they both kind of revealed how it ended. Oh, fuck it. We're playing it. No. Don't play it. I don't want to make him uncomfortable here. Yeah, don't how it ended and oh fuck it we're playing it no don't

play i don't want to make him uncomfortable here yeah don't play it i'll watch it later i'll watch it later it's great it's a crazy one okay they're both kind of different types of pieces of shit oh interesting it was it was just an entertaining moment just kept unraveling unraveling yeah that's why bones are young people shit on crowd work video because this is a great moment i mean it's like a once in a lifetime. The ex is there. You got to fuck with it. I do it at the end of the show.

I mean, I did over an hour of jokes, and then I will work on some jokes, and I'll do some. I'll be like, all right, scream out a problem, and I'll fix it. And the guy goes, my ex is here. I had to fucking roll with it. That's perfect. I'm going to ruin it. So Sam goes, how did you break up? And he's like, I broke up with her.

And he's like, what happened? She cheated on me. And he was like, maybe that wasn't all you broke up with her. And he's like, what happened? She cheated on me. And he was like, maybe that wasn't all you broke up with her. I don't know if you really broke up with her then. Oh, that's funny. Whatever. It keeps going. It's so good.

Yeah, check it out if you want to see it. Check it out. Irvine, man. Great room. Great room. I'm walking around with Winnie in the kitchen. The staff is more excited to see her than me. Yeah.

They listen to the pod, I guess. So the waiters are going, is that Winnie winnie yeah when he's just walking through the kitchen it's a celebrity i mean rocking the do-rag too is that old deluxe she is a crotchety old bag oh yeah fucking wingus should i take this off is it too stupid no i think put it back on for the photo at the end yeah i'll put it back on she doesn't like it anyway okay she had no idea it was on no idea there we go take that wig off girl it's the end of the day there we go all right yeah irvine's a great it's such a big room too it's like 550 people but it works huge yeah it's big i love big clubs are always they're fun but it's uh it's a different

type of show i mean like it's not like denver comedy works where the ceilings are coming down you you expect a different type of reaction oh shit come in for a sec come in say hi but i didn't text you because i know how many texts you were getting i don't want to annoy you yeah come say hi for a second good to see you dude we dress like this for every episode that's winnie that's an old bag congrats man you look terrible i don't want to i don't want to add to the text but i mean you killed it man i mean thanks a lot the sketches are fucking yeah i had fun super cool limu imu was gold yeah that was great uh how did your dad like it? He loved it. All right.

It was really fucking nice to see. My parents held hands. Wow. Yeah, it was very weird. Wow. It was like a nice moment. It's crazy to see what could have been your career versus what it, you know what I mean? Because, I mean, the Gillian Keeves, you can do whatever you want.

For sure. And you could take your time with it. I mean, how do you do that with the time crunch? That seems insane. I have no idea how they do it, dude dude that was like the most stressful fucking show i've ever seen yeah oh shit oh come on we got one for you too no it's just a thong all right all right all right well thanks great to see you shane hey are you in austin this weekend i am now oh you are yeah hey if you want to pop in at the Paramount. Oh, shit. I'm at the Mothership. Oh, pop in.

It's across the street. All right. Who guessed that? What day are you there? Friday and Saturday. Dude, I'm at the Mothership Friday and Saturday. Say hello. I'm at the Mothership.

It's like the beacon. I'm right there. Oh, I got a mic here, you big queef. Shane, come here. Come here, dude. You don't even have to talk. You don't even have to put on a wrestling outfit. And leave whenever you want.

I know you hate me. Come on, George the Animal Steel. That's who you are. He's one of the bushwhackers. Dude, I'm so fat I can't even fit in this thing. You got the jeans on. Yeah, dude. I'm blue collar macho man.

Unions first. Yeah. Fair wages for all the workers. You think he's still riding on the Slim Jim money? He's dead. He's dead, dude. He died? Are you kidding me? He died. You think he's still riding on the Slim Jim money? He's dead. He's dead, dude. He died? Are you kidding me?

He died. You didn't know that? What? His heart exploded while he was driving. You've got to say brother a lot this episode. Come on, brother. I said it a few times earlier. Yeah.

And the N-word. He got a heart attack and crashed his car into a tree. All right. Well, that's a pretty good way to go for the Macho Man. Yeah, hurry. No, he's in his 50s. It's not a good way to go. That's pretty cool.

That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah? How would you rather die? You It's pretty cool. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah? How would you rather die? You don't want to see macho man get old. Exactly. He was looking rough out. Yeah.

And 50s. The white hair. Yeah, if he had my grandma's face, like, for the last year, he's like, oh, no. Or those, the nurses keep stealing my medals. Damn, he looked good old. Oh, he looked great. He looked cool, dude. And you know what he did?

He married his high school sweetheart that they had drifted apart and came back together. Through love. I thought you meant she was in high school. Yeah. What about Miss Elizabeth? She died of a drug overdose with Lex Luger. Oh, she was cheating? No, they were dating. She broke up with Macho Man.

I know all the goss. She had a type, huh? Dude dude she was hot pull her up miss elizabeth was the end i'm telling you right now unpopular opinion end of her life elizabeth to me was hotter than regular that's that's 80s miss elizabeth it'd be hard to beat that yeah but when she was an nwo and she was all older and a little sluttier and words with osteoporosis yep that's what it is it is. Sorry. It would have been funnier if I could say the word. Blacks with bad bones is what they're called. Bad brains.

What the fuck? Bone thugs. Yeah. Every time I'm around Mark, I start trying to think Mark. Bone thugs. I miss my Uncle Charles. And we're just singing welfare carols. Maybe. Was Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, were they just like black? Chris Rock bit. And we're just singing welfare carols.

Maybe. Was Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, were they just like black? Chris Rock bit. All right. I know Mark well enough that I'm like, no, that's not racist. He needs me around to be like, no, that's a bit. Yeah, you're an interpreter. Yeah, yeah.

He says, that is not about blacks. UFC. That guy that comes up with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, sorry, I'll cut you off. What are you going to say about this old bag? Oh, nothing. I just liked her at the end of her life, dude. That shows you where I'm at, when she was just all pilled out.

Oh, yeah, that works. That looks hot, though. Luger's not bad, either. Well, he had a stroke. Now he's in a wheelchair. You guys don't want to go down the dark road By the way Soder's got a YouTube special Right now

Good for you brother At Dan Soder on YouTube There he is there's Lex Luger You hear that HBO Let's talk about specials Three guys with YouTube specials I think you're making a good move Yes I think it's about damn time.

It's about damn time. It's about damn time I put something not behind a paywall. Now, are you worried that the YouTube bubble is burst? It might be. I don't really care. As long as this translates into ticket sales, I don't give a shit. It will. And it hasn't burst.

No. You have an audience, so it's not. Yeah. I mean, I'm lucky that I built up uh my youtube channel with the podcast yeah i wanted to do that for like six months before i released this smart so i don't know it'll be uh it'll be out it's not posted yet but it'll be it'll be out on the first of march when does this come out the third of march there we go out So it's out. Two days ago, yeah. Everything changes in a day, yeah. Seen a lot of the material.

Lost my grandmother, uh-huh. She slowly wilted away, yeah, like an apple left outside off the tree. Up in heaven with Macho Man. Grandma's like, my grandson loves you. It's awesome to think you're such a boy. Yeah. You're like, now my grandma's with macho man. You're still such a little boy.

Oh, wow, Andre the Giant and Nana are hanging out. I picture this is how you do it in therapy. You got to do the macho man voice to unload it. Alan goes, load it up. Yeah, he could have came to a little league game would have gave me some validation daddy's validation how did he come up with that persona he said uh i saw an old memphis wrestling okay yeah gotta be blow yeah yeah blow. Yeah. Blow and steroids.

Okay. Just getting jacked and then more jacked. Brain jacked and body jacked. See, I have a theory that old wrestling was cooler than new wrestling. It's good. The Rock and- The Rock's out of your era. That's old wrestling. But he's back right now.

Oh, okay. That's Hollywood Rock. Is he back? The new product is exceptional. All right. I'm just saying like the Stone Cold. It didn't have the grit and the grizzle. In Philly.

At the link. April 7th, brother. Roman Reigns. Cody Rhodes. You gave that more of a plug than your special. I am a child. Yeah, no, but I know what you mean. There's nostalgia, though.

It had some stank on it, though. It felt sweaty and like they had a real problem with pills. When you go back to the 80s, though, they would have problems with people in the arena. People would be like, these men are fighting, and I need to fight one of them. Ric Flair, when Ric Flair used to cut his promos, people were legitimately getting mad at him. Because he's in a gymnasium in Georgia going, you're all fat, ugly, and poor. And they're like, fuck you. He's like, fuck me.

I'm going to fuck your wives. I got all the money in the world. And they were legitimate. He got real heat. Woo! Who was the black guy that was nuts? The one that said the N-word? No.

No, you're talking about Homicide and ECW? What was his name? Who was the guy that threw the guy? New Jack. New Jack. New Jack cut some nice promos. I don't know New Jack. They were like, for real, you guys are Klansmen.

Fuck you. Whoa. I know what you're talking about. That tag promo. It's pretty good. He's like, fuck you guys. Bring your Klansmen. I'll fuck them up.

Remember Steve Mongo McMichael? R.I.P. I remember he had a promo. He was in Wisconsin. He opens by going, listen up, you Limburger losers. And they start booing. I'm like, that's a fucking good dude. Yeah.

He got into the NFL Hall of Fame this year. Oh, man. Yeah, he played for the Bears. The Bears. Damn. Now, what's this? This is New Jack. I don't know this guy.

Cutting a promo. Finally, you done went to the ultimate. You decided that you could get mad enough to sign a match between me and mustafa a street fight my kind of fight you understand you don't know nothing about this real quick your coolness would be if this was our promo if that's all we had to do here i go comedy mothership you beamed up the wrong man you beamed up the wrong man. Flip it. You beamed up the wrong man. Joe Rogan's bringing me to his home planet to bring nothing but hilarious and a kind of comedy show that I like loose and high. You could totally do that.

I think that would work. You should be cutting wrestling promos for your tour dates. Look at Albany Funny Bone. You beat my ass before, but this is a different time. I've got New York. I got buried there when Shane Gillis was my feature. I've got New York. I got buried there when Shane Gillis was my feature. Oh, that one.

That was a tough weekend for me. Yeah, you went through a breakup. But I always give that example. I was crying right before the show. Remember that MC? Damn. That was the best. Were you crying?

That's back in Miko? Oh, sorry. Louis J. Gomez. I'm sick of not making any money for real ass podcasts. I'm the only one providing consistent punchlines, sorry. Louis J. Gomez, I'm sick of not making any money for real-ass podcasts. I'm the only one providing consistent punchlines, baby. Yeah, dude, look at his forehead because of all the cuts. Oh, yeah.

Wow, that's crazy. We should blade on stage. You know that joke doesn't work? You go, oh, oh, he's very bleeding. Give it some color, dude. That'd be nuts. Sam, you don't strike me as a guy that was ever into wrestling. Give it some color, dude. That's nuts. Sam, you don't strike me as a guy that was ever into wrestling. I loved wrestling.

You did. I'm wearing fucking Bret Hart. I asked for Bret Hart. Can I tell you right now? Yeah. Great. I was telling you that. All of us?

Let me see that. You look fantastic. I'm too hairy. No way. Oh, that hairy. No, you love it. It's working. You look fun.

That's some NWA hair, dude. You could work with that. There were no wrestlers with chest hair except Shawn Michaels. Pull him up. Great chest hair. Yeah. And George the Animal Steel, but he was were no wrestlers with chest hair except Shawn Michaels. Pull him up. Great chest hair. Yeah. And George the Animal Steel, but he was covered in hair. This is Bret Hart Throb.

Oh, you know what? Scott Hall. Yes. Great chest hair. He would have gotten in trouble for the Cuban voice now, though. Oh, where he just faked like he was Hispanic? He just faked like he was Hispanic. He just did Scarface.

I guess Pacino did that, too. Yeah. Yeah, Pacino did that. He also was acting. Whatever. He was supposed to be Puerto Rican. Oh yeah. Which they filmed right by the village. But people would be pissed about that now. Yeah, absolutely. But it's a movie.

It'll come back. It's coming back. We'll start playing. I was into wrestling. I liked Stone Cold. I liked Mankind. I opened for Mick Foley once. I loved Mankind. I opened for him once and he was the sweetest guy and he uh yeah we had the same agent i was like it was back in the day yeah so back in the day when he started doing it i was doing the world at broadway and it was a blizzard

yeah and i like was like in that young comic brain where you're like i'll fight through anything to get on stage yeah and i walked through a blizzard to broadway and i walked into the world and aaron haber goes oh you're bumped and i go for how long and he goes mick foley's on stage and i went yeah mankind and i walked in the room and mick foley was just chilling on stage yeah so nice after so nice yeah he so i did i headlined the weekend there it was like back it was the west why remember the west foley thumbs up dude the west court funny bone you ever do that one it was like the bad st louis one oh i love that room it was in between a gun store and a bird It was the Westport. Thumbs up. Why? Give Mick Foley thumbs up, dude. The Westport Funny Bone. You ever do that one? It was like the bad St. Louis one.

I love that room. It was in between a gun store and a bird store. Yes. It was a weird vibe. But I remember I, yeah, they were like, you can open for him on the other show. And the first thing he goes, he goes, on stage, he goes, man, that Sam's fucking dirty. That's how he opened the show. He's a fucking pill head.

I know. I got thrown off a cage. But he goes, I'll curse once. And he was like, he was fun with it. He was cool. We talked after. He's a fucking pill head. I know. I got thrown off a cage. He goes, I'll curse once. And he was like, he was fun with it. He was cool. We talked after. He's very nice. I always say you should go watch Beyond the Mat when him and The Rock have a match and The Rock beats the shit out of him with a chair. Hits him with a chair like 20 times. Was it the I Quit match?

And then has to apologize to Mick Foley's small children backstage when they're like, whoa! And The Rock's like, no, I didn't mean to hurt him. Your dad's got mana. He does The Rock on him. It's fucking wild.

Did you see Iron Claw? Not yet. I want to watch that. It's good. It's good? Very good. It's a tearjerker. I mean, it's sad as shit. I mean, the Von Erich family is very tragic.

Cursed. Everyone died. Acting's great. Oh, this is it. This match fucked me up. Really? Because I knew it wasn't his voice. It's a fake recording. The I Quit. Oh, this is it. Oh, here we go. This match fucked me up. Really? Because I knew it wasn't his voice. It's a fake recording.

The I quit. Oh, yeah. And I was like, that's not real. He yelled that earlier. I know that's not his real voice. So far. Oh. What about the Nads?

Dude, what I liked about him is Mick Foley has my bottom half. Wide hips. Bro, I loved. Look at that. That looks like me crawling on there. I loved Mick Foley. Are you crawling around on your couch watching this? Yeah.

Yeah, dude, they like. They were two of the best of the era, though. Oh, unbelievable. Them, Stone Cold. Dude, I'm going to tell you right now, The Rock came back. Kane was big. Kane was sick. Kane was awesome.

I'm going to tell you right now, The Rock came back and did this thing where he's like, I'm going to fight Roman Reigns. And I was like. Oh, my God. That's not good. Oh, man. That's great. That's awesome. Oh, poor guy, oh, that's not. Man, that's great. It's awesome.

Oh, poor guy, though. How did he pull that off? Yeah, probably with the lights out. This is very impressive. I knew it was crap. He's still holding on to that hair. Look at that arena. Look at Earl Hebner.

Great ref. I quit! That's not real. That's so funny. You got so hyped on that. This is a fucking conspiracy. That's what got you into conspiracy theory? You're like, dude there's something that something's not right gateway to q man yeah he's fucking adrenochrome dude q comes back it'll come back q needs to come back for this

election the tide will rise it's coming we need it is that him in a kuji sweater kuji with tassels dude theassel, can I just say by wearing them casually right now? Inconvenient. That's too long. Too much stuff. This is crazy. You're off in my lap here. Yeah. I feel like I'm everywhere. Aside from the fighting, there's a lot of

creative elements where you're like, I need a cool outfit. I need a cool character. Fake fighting. There you go. Is it still going what never mind wwe yeah they just merged with ufc shut up yeah have you been hearing about the vince mcmahon stuff oh we've been joking that i've been hearing about well now apparently there's a whole bunch of other cases coming out they're going they're they got cases on hey really what else is he yeah brock lesnar right lesnar's out now. Stephanie McMahon,

they said they got a kid. What'd she do? I don't know. It's all crazy shit. By the way, it's all stuff that people with shaved bodies on steroids would do,

which is like weird sex. Look at my body. Yeah. Weird sex. What did Brock do? He liked the lady that worked in the office. Vince McMahon's text was like,

he wants to watch you piss that's not so bad says you're says it's hot just set up a camera like a normal person you don't you don't request that's creepy vince mcmahon's texts you were like the fact that he took a dump he's accused of taking a dump on a woman's head during a devil's threesome if you're like you're you're you're double teaming a chick and then the guy's like i got an idea yeah then he pulls his pants down though in a silly way where he's like yeah whatever happened to a folding chair yeah i'm on ahead you would rather get thrown off a cage yeah dump on her head he poops in her then he hits the no chance music

you got no chance. Getting, I mean, an open air dump during a fucking orgy. To poop with two naked aroused people in the room? Here's my question. That's impressive. Was he aroused? You wonder if he was like. You ever been fucking and had to shit?

So you're holding in a shit while. Every time. Yeah. I always have to shit. You're like the incredible Holden. You're like, I always have to poop. My secret yeah i always have to you're like the incredible hole you're like i always have to poop my secret i always have to poop dude i've never i feel like it's like doing comedy it goes away while you do it and then it comes back the second you're done sometimes you're not into it yeah so you still have to go have you ever had to poop on stage yeah i one time i had to

veter had to stretch because i had food poisoning at the saint louis helium and first night i'm there room is right there that green room is like oh dude the first night i'm there the bathroom door the lock broke so i'd like kick the handle off to get on stage so it already had a hole where the handle was supposed to be the second night i'm shitting liquid i'm dying from rainbow trout in uh st louis i took a chance i took a chance i'm i'm taking on horrible shit they sent they send vita a note on stage you gotta stretch we'll see when sam can get on stage i just remember them handing me a mylanta through that little hole as i'm taking this shit i'm like this is depressing dude pooping in a green room

with someone else there when i was at bricktown. You overflowed the toilet at Helium Philly. First and foremost. Sorry, Heliums. It was awful. Let me clear my fucking name. It was so funny. I did not take a poop. It was clogged already.

Ah, here we go. The green room was me, Shane, and Matt McCusker. Someone else was on. Six was in there. Six was in there as well. Husker. Someone else was on. Six was in there. Six was in there as well. And all I remember is the toilet

was clogged and you could see it was clogged. The water was up, but I had to piss before I went on stage. And I went, don't flush it. And then I pissed and wasn't even thinking and just flushed it. I went, no! And it came over and Mark Grossman walked in as the water was coming. As he was stuffing towels under

the door crack so it didn't go out. And he handed you an invoice for that toilet. Yeah, he's the owner, by the way. He goes, what did you do? And I was like, I did nothing. I did nothing. I flushed it. Oh, that sucked.

Yeah, the toilet overflow is a scary moment. That's one of the only times you'll pray to God when that water is going up. Please stop, please stop, please stop, please stop, please stop. That and when you see something on your dick. You like oh lord almighty an overflow though an overflow happening it scares the shit out of you oh yeah like at a party or like on a date oh god what's the worst chunks are floating what's the worst you've ever fucked someone else's house up at a party oh accident by accident because i got a good one we threw the grandfather clock in the pool at uh bob eaton's party and bobby eaton bobby eaton nba player no okay it's marky oh marky eating them up by the way i owe you an apology we didn't do basketball i've heard

we need to do it that was people dming me they're like fahim got basketball cards i genuinely when i found out i was like no, no, no, no, no. We'll do a bonus. We'll do a bonus. Yeah, we'll get it. I'm pumped. By the way, he pulled some good ones today. Karl Malone.

Yeah, I got Karl Malone. Pretty good. Dan Marley. One of the best pedophiles in NBA history. Is that right? Yeah. 13-year-old? Yep.

Whoa, pull her up. And now we can finally check. Her son made it to the NFL. Wow. Karl Malone's son. So it is genetic. I guess so. Damn.

But worst I ever fuck someone's house up while we look up these sad stats. Wow. Demetrius Bell. There's with the birds. Yeah. Whoa. Wow. Demetrius.

Big dude. Demetrius. Offensive lineman. Did he claim this kid? Nope. Oh. Oh. So he never, I don't think he was in the guy's life

you get in trouble if you claim a third baby did you know that matt feel like that's mine it's just a bad look leave it at the window yeah i'm not picking it up jimmy kimmel did a great malone back in the day we were talking about that oh yeah i want to take that offline he really dodged that one huh it's up there forever it's never gonna go liver beat is more like he goes diabetes more like liverbedias. You paid for a lot of, Shane paid for a lot of other people's sins, I feel like. I feel like they were mad about other shit, and they were like, we'll just blame it all on Shane. It was the same scenario as child abuse, where there's another problem, and they just look to who's closest.

I'm going to spank this kid. It was like when they got OJ on the merchandise. Yeah. Dude, he went with the ears too. That wasn't just blackface. The shoulders. That was... The UFO live on other planets. A black hole body.

He did Oprah as well, by the way. He's on TV about white people getting deducted by aliens. Here's the weird part. I liked him more then. Well, the man show was pretty funny. It nailed it. It nailed it. It scratched that itch perfectly.

1780s guy. That was a great little blip they used to do. Like, so the Negro likes the spinning wheel. Yeah. I mean, it was. Couldn't do any of it now. Pull it up. Yeah.

That was a real one. How many seasons did it suck? I got a skill I can suck And by the way It's funny in these wrestling outfits Because it's like pleather That I move

And you can just hear it fold You look good You lost weight Yeah you're looking good You look good in there Yeah that fits I liked You were getting big there

For a second I was excited about it Dude Sweet season Yeah I like it I like it I was getting fat Wait wait

This isn't the right Spam young Corolla. Look at him. Yeah. Young Corolla. He was a football player. And a boxer. And a boxer.

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yes that was pretty fucking and all the women are signing it not knowing what it means yeah it was pretty fucking funny a man

man show boy Andy Milonakis that was Andy Milonakis I believe it's gotta be right no I don't think no I think it was just a fat kid

give that a google was it just a fat kid no I think it was him I think it was Andy Milonakis yeah I think it was him I think that. Give that a go. Was it just a fat kid? No, I think it was him. I think it was Andy Milonakis. Yeah, I think it was him. I think that's where they found him. He was probably like 38 in that. I believe you.

I haven't seen the show in a while. Hey, look how cute. That's not him, though. No, that's not him. Andy Milonakis. Excuse me, can I talk to you for a second? Okay. How about we go to dinner sometime?

I don't know about that. I'll let you drive. You'll let me drive? You'd have to let me drive because you probably don't drive, huh? No. Are you even old enough to go out? Yeah. Really? Your mom would let you? Yeah. Come on, I've been practicing kissing

on my dog. This is great. Wholesome fun. I have to go to my sex education class and I was wondering if you'd help me with my show and tell project. Yeah, come on, I'll be gentle. Jesus. Wild, dude. It was the 90s, baby.

Comedy Central has so many fucking classic shows. It's crazy the backlog of shit they have. It was the 90s, baby. Comedy Central has so many fucking classic shows. It's crazy the backlog of shit they have. What was Wonder Shows and all? Was that MTV? MTV2. Yeah. I bought it.

Unbelievable. I bought it on Amazon and I preach about it. You ever see it? I've never seen it. Wonder Shows and it was one of the funniest. Funny. Not funny. Wonder Shows and white people.

Do kids beat. Do kids on the street. Yeah, beat kids. Beat kids. Do you watch this? I've seen one or two, but it was so long ago. So they did the street. Yeah, beat kids. Beat kids. Did you watch this? I've seen one or two, but it was so long ago. So they did Sesame Street if it was on acid. That's basically it.

This is a great one. What did it say? White people having fun. Global domination over everyone. White people smell so bright. Genocide from anyone Who isn't white Wow

Man, this show is fucking wacky But then they just cut to like Elmo Yeah Remember the one where they blew up God And they eat his ribs? What? Dude, watch one

Two seasons and it's fucking wild the only thing i remember is a kid taking meat off of a tray and drinking the blood what yeah that was yeah b kids yeah b kids was b kids was uh basically like man show boy but they would send him to like a local beauty pageant and it was all the jokes were a lot darker he goes to one and he goes seven contestants which means seven fat boys are missing their punching bags right now it's just it's great dude i love wonder shows and that guy canceled that made it two seasons yeah that's pretty impressive you know it was another you know it was another one that went

hard that was so funny i thought you ever see strangers with candy yeah oh yeah colbert and he was still going on curb i love yeah i love amy sedaris amy sedaris so funny that eye oh she had the eye oh she's so good oh there's b kids that's a good one they go to wall street uh disney can i ask you a question who did you explain to them Big Kicks. Big Kicks. Excuse me, can I ask you a question? Who did you exploit today? Who did I exploit? Who did I exploit today?

Who did you exploit today? Who did I exploit? Hmm. I don't think I did yet. But are you? Yeah, probably sometime today. Yeah, probably sometime today. They got these little kids because all these people are like,

well, what do you want? Oh, this is nice. That's great. Be kids. Wonder shows. Be kids. I'll be watching this tonight. It's fantastic.

It's on Amazon. You can buy the whole season for like $10, I think. All right. Pretty cheap. I'm going to correct my – I've made a Tracy Ullman reference, but you're talking about Amy Sedaris. My bad. Tracy Ullman's on Curb, not Sedaris. I haven't been watching this season yet, but I'll watch it.

It's got some moments. Yeah. What is this made out of? Oh, this is nylon. I've got leather pants on. Yeah, you look good in that, too. You guys all look good. It all fits.

You got our sizes down. This is all right. Yeah, we don't usually do costumes, but he's a wrestling guy. We should do it. We have the IRS guy in the back. the room erwin r scheister no i need uh boss man big boss man yeah pull him up dude he wasn't that song he's like when you're walking down the field bring up big boss man's theme song it's i'm not i'm doing it justice. You'll see. Cop Boss Man. When you're mad or cross and gone, we'll be serving all time.

See? Cop Downey, Georgia. These guys must have gotten laid like crazy. The boss man. The run into the ring is pretty badass. Sidewalk slam. So awesome. John Cena being able to run and slide into the ring.

Because Vince McMahon tried that and blew both of his quadrants. Is that how he got fucked up? And then he couldn't finish the match. He had to sit there. He's sitting down. He's yelling, but his legs are useless. Oh, wow. It's like Lieutenant Dan when he falls out of the wheelchair on New Year's Eve.

Get out of here. The fact that he wasn't rolling around in pain. Is there footage of Vince McMahon doing that? This is it. This is it yeah watch me slide into the ring quads out he blows both of his quads right here oh oh no I can't feel my legs taste like cigarettes I guess they have like a do you have to code or something When that happens?

I was just Shane O'Mac did it too Didn't he blow up? Shane O'Mac was at WrestleMania last year It was really bad Get that one This is a rough one

Shane McMahon At WrestleMania last year He comes into the ring And he was like a surprise Where everyone was like Shane O'Mac McMahon is here And he goes

One Two And he falls And they're like Well that's the match And they just have the guy Hooking away And be like

One two three But back in the day I remember when he fought When he fought Xbox And he falls and they're like, well, that's the match. And they just have the guy hook the leg. And you're like, one, two, three. But back in the day, I remember when he fought Xbox, he was like flying. Yeah, dude. He did a lot recently where he would – basically Shane McMahon was great at just throwing himself off of things. Yeah, it was pretty good. At first he sucked. Yeah. And then, yeah, he started taking –

You ever see the Kurt Angle one where they can't get the glass to break? No. And he just keeps throwing them into this glass. Do the Shane McMahon injury last year at WrestleMania. Yeah. But then do the Kurt Angle one where they can't get the glass to break? No. And he just keeps throwing them into this glass. Do the Shane McMahon injury last year at WrestleMania. Yeah. But then do the Kurt Angle. I might get back into wrestling. Shane McMahon.

Come on, dude. I always liked that. The mayor lives with me now, and all he does is watch wrestling. He watches all of them. Like all the different leagues. Oh, yeah. Snoop. Snoop.

Snoop has to punch a guy or something. What? Yeah, Snoop was like, let's fight. Let's fight Miz. And so they do the match. Doesn't he like save it? Doesn't Snoop has to punch a guy or something. Yeah, Snoop was like, let's fight. Let's fight, Miz. And so they do the match. Doesn't he save it? Doesn't Snoop save it? Yeah.

So right here. Here it is. Nice. Oh, man. Oh. Oh. Oh, poor guy. And then what was the other one?

Wait, what do you do here? How do you improvise? They improvise Snoop punches him in the face. Oh. Yeah, Snoop comes and punches him. There you go. Hey. I think he really punched him.

Snoop knew to just jump in and do something. Yeah. Fucking entertainer. Yeah. Man, I saw Rowdy Rowdy Piper around every now and then. Yeah, he did comedy for a little bit. He was on an episode of It's Always Sunny. Really?

Yeah. He was great on Always Sunny. Yeah, he was like a legit tough guy. Those old school guys, you had to be really good at fighting. That's what I'm saying. Because the whole thing was like back in the territory days, they're like if you're not tough enough, if you get into a bar fight and lose to a random guy in the town

and you have the championship, you can't have the championship anymore. Exactly. Because then some guy that works at steel mills like you know i beat up rick flair you know or you're like dusty roads you're like it was a cheap thought baby i never saw him coming and the guy's like not at all i was just i squared up on him you ever see the footage of dusty roads in the celebrity basketball game he can ball he can fucking ball really really you can ball by the way i got. Really? A fat dude can ball. By the way, I got sent that.

It's funny to see whenever there's a wrestling clip that goes viral, so many people send it to me like, wrestling. You're like, I know, I love it.

I love it so much. I'm so excited to hang out with LaMare this weekend. Yeah, it'll be nice. You guys can get high and watch wrestling. Oh my God. Go back, go back.

You can pull back. He's huge. Yeah, he's enormous. Look at that. Look at that. Wow. He's huge, dude. enormous. Look at that. Wow. Love it. Look at that circle. He's putting up the three fingers.

Yeah, he did. What year is this? He knows to cut. He knows what he's doing. Look at that. Hell yeah. This looks like when you played Legion of Skaggs. Just guys in t-shirts like that? Oh, that was so fun. Oh my God, dude.

Yeah, dude. Those guys were athletes and also alcoholics and also tuckers. They used to take somas all the time. That was like their big thing. Is that a pill? Pain pill.

Oh, yeah. They'd be like, old school wrestlers get on podcasts and they'll be like, brother, the somas. Talking about it. It's great. I love it. so you're a historian the wwe historian right not really but i know you know story about the guy who got stabbed in the dr yeah that's bruiser brody what happened that wasn't it was fucking not really not a historian he wasn't working with the wwe he was doing a private he was doing an

independent in puerto rico and they think there was a dispute over money and Then he got stabbed in the showers and died pull it up Wow, but bruiser Brody was like he was awesome He was there was rumors that originally WrestleMania 2 was supposed to be Hulk Hogan vs. Bruiser Brody Wow Brody got killed and he was just doing a shit gig there I was just doing like what we would do. Yeah, there's so many parallels to comedy. Totally. You're just doing like a one-nighter.

Yep, yep. Bruiser Brody used to do this thing where he would hold his hand and go, if you find video of it, you're like, what the fuck? But everyone in the 80s was like, he's crazy. He looks crazy. Yeah. He's like a fucking magician. But he's like a family man.

He had like a family that he really loved, and he would like always try to go home as fast as possible to his family. Yeah. But yeah, he was huge in Japan, because he was a really big guy and weird looking. Mm-hmm. But yeah, he got stabbed to death in the showers. Damn. That fucking sucks.

Yikes. They just like- The DR. You know how we have comics? Do you know how comics tell stories about bookers putting guns on tables and shit this is way worse way worse I mean they used to it was all about getting fucked up

like just hearing what Andre the Giant used to drink that was my favorite part my favorite part of his documentary is where they cover his alcoholism oh yeah he drank a case of wine case of wine they say Gerard Depardieu the actor he claims he drinks 12 bottles a day. That's insane.

Pull him up. He died, right? No, he's still alive. They keep trying to meet to him, but it's like, it's France. How are you going to meet to him? That's their flirting. He was flirting. Pull up a picture of Gerard Depardieu now.

You're like, Pepe Le Pews? Yeah, it's the country of Pepe Le Pews. That's a regular-sized beer. They don't. Yeah, that's Andre. He's like, pull up a picture of Pepe Le Pews. That's a regular-sized beer. They don't. Yeah, that's Andre. He's pulled up a picture of Gerard Depardieu now. He looks like he drinks 12 bottles a day. The French do a thing where they go, what do you remember me for?

I play with your pussy. Oh, they win me on luck when I play with the pussy. Holy shit. Holy. He was an old wrestler. He looks like a Dune character. He was a hunk back in the day. Remember the movie where he. He looks like Braveheartune character. He was a hunk back in the day. Remember the movie where he-

He looks like Braveheart's dad. Yeah. The bad guy's dad. Actually, was that him? Yeah. Was that him? He's there. He looks exactly like him.

I think that's Andy Melanakis. You know what's crazy? You guys remember the movie where he pretends that he's fucking his daughter? Yes. I just remember that. It was Katherine Heigl. Him and Katherine Heigl. Search that movie.

Oh, it's not off. No, no. I meant. He meant the villain father. The Bruce. Yeah. Isaac the Bruce. No, I always call him Isaac the Bruce because of Isaac the Bruce.

Isaac the wide receiver for the Rams. You mean Robert the Bruce. Yeah. Robert the Bruce is dead. Oh, yeah. Is that him? No. Is it? uh oh yeah is that him no is it i mean it should say on the internet uh dude bring up the trailer for gerard depardieu and katherine heigl movie

because there is zero chance that movie gets made now what what is i never want they're on vacation and she wants to impress a guy so she makes her dad pretend that he's dating her. My father hero. Yeah. I remember this on VHS. I don't remember this. They were on a boat in the tour. Yes.

Oh, wow. Yeah, young Hygge. Catherine Hyman. A divorced father and his only daughter together on vacation. Stella, this is Andy. He's French. Oh, he's not French. I'm not? Catherine Hyman. Stella, this is Andy. He's French. Steve Toblowski. Easy.

She's 14? He said she was 14. She's in the 90s. Uh-oh, is he a brown man? Oh, yeah. All right. The whole point of the movie is he steps in to pretend he's her boyfriend to make the other guy jealous. No, I think he's trying to ward off the guy.

You could get away with it. Age wasn't as much of a thing in those movies. In the opening of One Fle flew over the cuckoo's Nest Nicholson's like yeah, I might have fucked a 15 You know and you're like okay. He's a good guy Red beavers in your face 76 You could do it you could do a complex character back then in a way that you can't do now now

That's the whole movie you know right and it's also funny in this era if somebody was like this is a little inappropriate you go shut up you loser we're trying to watch the movie what are you talking about she's hot yeah how old was she actually in this movie but it's crazy for him to be like because i'm feeling 18 please please show me a oneA. One time. 18, brother. Screenwriter. 11. Snake eyes. 178 is 94.

We can do math. 16. That's more than. All right. Quick, look up which state was it shot in. Hawaii. Little state. Aruba? Aruba?

Come on, DR. I think it's 16 in New York. You don't want to be the guy who shoots that out, do you? Yeah, you don't want to be double-jigged. Good to know. What are you, running a driving school? That dude on my arm.

You don't want to be playing it that close there. That would be funny if you go, I can do the whole United States by Washington. The capitals. Guys, relax. That would be funny if you go, I can do the whole United States by age of consent. Washington. The capitals, you know. Guys, relax. She's 16.

It's fine. One of us bring it around. I'm not putting that in my computer. I'm not looking that up. You guys are crazy. She's 17, but she acts like she's 30. Alexa, what's the age of consent? I did pull that in the movie Red Rocket.

The girl I was seeing it with. she was like, this is disgusting. I'm like, it's legal in Texas. I just seen an article saying it was legal. But the fact that I knew made it bad. Oh, it's 17. Okay. The fact that I knew made it bad. Yeah.

Where you go, chill out. Yeah. Jersey's 16. I want to say. What are you trying to hit the distance? I'm just trying to guess. Sounds like you're trying to move a case into a different state. Yeah.

Technically, half of it happened in Connecticut. That's true. What's Connecticut? He came in Connecticut. 16. Yes. 16? 16, I told you.

That's very young. He's a boy trying to impress a girl. I fucked that old lady over there. It's like, it's my mom. She's like, hey, there he is. 16 is crazy young. Yes. I lost my virginity at 16 to my high school girlfriend.

How old were you guys? I was 16. 17? Yeah, I was probably 15 or 16. I was 16 in Cancun on spring break. I was going into freshman year. Oh, wait a minute. How old were you then?

14. You were 14. Damn, dude. I didn't know you were getting the ladies like that. Well done, Biggie. I was in a minute. Whoa. How old were you then? 14. You were 14? Damn, dude. I didn't know you were getting the ladies like that. Well done, Biggie. I was in a tent. Whoa. Circus?

Wow. Camping. Tent. Camping trip? No, it's a tent in a friend's backyard. Oh, my God. You did a slumber party to camp out? Hell, yeah.

You did the little kid commercial thing where you go, can we sweep in the backyard? Yeah, and I was, first time, we tried to have sex before and I was like, I don't want to. Yeah. Yeah, I was too young. It's nerve wracking, dude. Yeah, when you wait too long, it becomes a thing where she's like, have you done this before? And that girl has.

And you're like, fuck, now I'm the new kid. Right. That's kind of hot, though, being the scared boy and the girls like, oh, man. Maybe to some people, but not when you're all kids. I was drunk on spring break, and I was like, lady, you're going to have to put this in you. Because I don't even kind of know how it works down there. Why do you sound like an old cop when you're 16? You sound like Bosch.

You go, lady, I'm going to tell you right now. Mark, didn't you have sex with a 40-year-old? Yeah, no, she was 55. 55? Yeah, I'd say 50. I was 16. It wasn't my high school girlfriend. But she, I guess I'm a survivor.

Yeah. Yeah. Of pedophilia. You don't see me bitching. Well, you know what? I'm no victim. It's a good card. So shut up, victims of pedophilia.

Yeah, you aren't real victims. It's a good card to have in your back pocket. It's not bad. You can go like, I was a victim of pedophilia. Yeah, you aren't real victims. It's a good card to have in your back pocket. It's not bad. You can go like, I was a victim of pedophilia, and people go, I'm so sorry. Right. I was the king of high school for like a month. You got some high fives out of it. Oh, yeah.

Some stinky fives. Man, whenever those cases come out, I just saw one about a lady. Do you check this story out? This lady- Love to see those hot teachers. This wasn't a teacher. So hot. do you check this story out this lady love to see those hot teachers this wasn't a teacher so hot this lady got into a fight with her husband on vacation went down to the hot tub there was a travel hockey team yep oh two of the guys on the hot two of the kids on the hockey team

yeah while a third was in the room hat trick and somebody snitched someone snitched and then she but dude if you're the husband and you're like, we're in a fight. Yeah. But also, I'm thinking about that third kid. That sucks. That's how you know as a dude it's different because I'm not thinking about the two poor kids that got laid. I'm thinking of the one who didn't get laid.

That's where my mind goes. Right, right. Well, he might become the most successful man of all time if you're cucked in high school by a slutty older lady. He got benched. Yeah, mother accused of sexually abusing two youth hockey players after a hotel hot tub. I love that that's abuse, but then they go on the ice and then they beat the shit out of each other.

True. Have you seen this new guy in the Rangers? Four fights in like seven games. I'm like, dude, they're going to kill him. Against the Flyers, that 6'7 guy? That was pretty cool. Whoa, I haven't seen this. He's pretty fucking cool, this guy.

That is fun. We've got a good dude. Flyers guy got the win, though. It was close. It was close. It was very close. The's pretty fucking cool, this guy. That is fun. We've got a good dude. Why has this guy got the win, though? It was close. It was very close. The guy's 6'7". Yeah. He's a kid.

He's 21. Really? The way that they fight is so practical. Oh, not that one. Because they're on skates. Not the guy. I know. My high school in the state championship got in a fight.

Type in Trinity. Oh, we got a video? Versus Storox. It's S-T-O-R-O-X. What year? It'll come up. You got to just hit. It should be.

Type in fight. Just hit search. It'll come up. Add fight. Yeah, there it is. This was pretty awesome. Is this football? This is basketball.

State championship. Oh, baby. Yep. Oh, baby. There. Oh, baby. There's the shamrocks. Now, the best is we had one kid. See the guy on the end of the bench with the headband there? Yeah.

That guy's a problem. Yeah. He looked. That's a problem. I can't even see him. Okay. That's my friend Jamal's older brother. Really?

Jonathan. Yeah, he was a fucking monster. Wait, what team are you? We're the white team. He's the one in the dark jerseys. No, no, no. We're the white team. Okay.

You like those unis? Those are nice. They're nice. Duke. That's the baggy shorts. I like the baggy shorts, yeah. Oh, shit. On the bench, dude?

And then here comes Jonathan. Oh. Here comes Jonathan. Uh-oh. Watch out for Jonathan. Here bench, dude? And then here comes Jonathan. Oh. Here comes Jonathan. Uh-oh. Watch out for Jonathan. Here's Johnny. He takes on the whole team. Oh, shit.

The white headband. That's just his green warm-up. Oh. Oh, he was ready. What's he doing now? Damn. Washing cars? No, he's doing pretty well.

He works for, I think, the Navy. Oh, good. Dude, I mean, so do you finish a game at this point? What do you do? Yeah, they finish the game. We won. What's that guy's deal? Trinity won, and then the next year rematched in the state championship and lost.

That's when the fights happen. Did anyone ever find out why that guy started swinging on the bench? He said, if you watch it again, that's my friend Matt Wessner on the bench. Pretty funny. The guy that got punched? He said he grabbed his nuts. The guy said Matt grabbed his balls while he was inbounding the ball,

and he didn't. Oh, wow. You can see it. He did not. Oh, I think that was a knee. Look at how baggy those fucking shorts are. There's one hand you can't see there, his left. He probably pushed him because he was close.

Oh, shit! He got two shots off. He got some big ones from an elevated stance. Yeah, punching a guy that's sitting while you're standing. He's got to eat it. How many times have you watched this? This is so cool. Yeah, it's unbelievable that you have it all

these years later. 20 years later, you're like, you want to see a cool brawl my high school was in? The one brawl we got into when I was in high school, I didn't go to that game. And everyone came to school the next day and they were like, everybody got a piece. And you're like, damn it. But they always fluff those up, too. Like, I uppercutted the teacher. But then they said, you knew who the tough guys were.

And they were like, dude, he fucked up a guy. He fucked up a guy. You're like, that's awesome. It was in boulder at fairview high school and everyone's like we're gonna go up to fairview and i was like dude i don't want to go to the basketball game then everyone's like i think i had to work at the restaurant the next day they're like it was fucking insane oh yeah that was a big part of high school was like this guy hated that guy and he's like he's gonna be at the bowling alley on Saturday. I'm going to take acid.

I'm going to go over there and bust him up. Did you take acid? Yeah, there was a lot of acid going around. The public school in my area was like our rival. We were the Catholic school. And I was at a party with a bunch of my friends that could not fight at all. And these 30 dudes showed up to this house party. And we're like, we're going to beat the fuck out of you guys and we're like oh my god we're dead

so we made a bunch of phone calls we called everybody we called a bunch of guys that were not in high school anymore you almost have to run a line on the phone in the bedroom or go go go make calls meet us at the park right now we'll go beat your ass so we met them half of them didn't show up

and we had like 50 people we just jumped these guys. We just wailed on these dudes. They started it. Yeah. Two of the guys I played football with, that same thing happened where they showed up at a party, challenged a guy. He was like, oh, my friends are going to come.

They didn't show. Yeah. The guys that I played football with jumped them, beat this guy almost to death, got attempted murder. Ooh. That's not good. Two of them did seven years. What? Ooh, wow. That's not good. The guys that I played football with Jumped him, beat this guy almost to death Got attempted murder Two of them did seven years What? They stomped the guy out That's no fun, fun in the park

I'm also getting older I don't want to fucking fight Also if you're like meet me at the park You're like ah It was nice though to jump the guys When you're young and you're like I I don't know if I can fight. I don't want to get in there. And you're like, all right, I'm just going to kick the guy.

I'm just going to get in and fight. Yeah. One time at Broadway Comedy Club, I was on stage. And a guy is just going back and forth with a heckler. And he gets up. And it's at that point where I'm like, he's either going to fight me. Like, honestly, something bad's happened. I just hear, oh.

And I'm like, oh. Hits me right in the chest oh the waitresses liked me because i would work the door there too so they would they barricaded the stage and they were like you're not getting it and i'm like this is a pretty this is a pretty pathetic moment a spitting though that guy's unhinged he's he was with a woman too they they left i was like what a fucking low moment. DeRosa. DeRosa, when they opened Punchline Philly, I was hosting, and he was the cold headliner. What's that called?

Oh, secret headliner? No, it was like the practice run for the first weekend. Oh, soft opening. Soft opening. That's his body. He got on and was like, fuck the Eagles, or something like that. And the guy in the front was like, just immediately threw his fucking glass on him. That's so funny.

Like the beginning of the show. And one of DeRosa's like, I'm from Philly. I like the Eagles. What the fuck? I'm joking around. And then for the next like 20 minutes, he's like, should I fight him? Like I should have jumped it. You can't ask. Do I look like a bitch? To DeRosa, we were at

Caroline. I like the Eagles. Dude I look like a bitch? Yeah. DeRosa, we were at Caroline. I like the Eagles. Dumbest thing to say. Dude, I like the Eagles. What are you talking about? Donovan had a great run. We were at Caroline's for New Year's Eve and DeRosa was there. And there was this girl.

Because back when you do Caroline's, you'd go up and watch the ball drop. Yes. And then you'd come back down and drink at the bar forever. So we went up and watched the ball drop. And Joe met a you come back down and drink at the bar forever. So we went up and watched the ball drop, and Joe met a girl that had driven from Tampa with a guy. And Joe goes, nah, this guy's just a friend. And I was like, no, he's not. He didn't drive with her from Tampa.

Yeah, yeah. That's just a friend. He's like, dude, I'm making real progress with her. And then he comes back over, and I'm just at the bar, and he goes, I might have to fight a guy. This guy. He's like, you might have to help me this guy's mad that's a good derosa yeah that's exactly exactly what he would say he's like dude yeah he went he went out drinking with me recently in austin we were just getting like two or three drinks at every bar we would go

to i was drinking bud light yeah i was took like three hours i had six beers i was like i'm totally he was drinking whiskey the whole time oh yeah like midway through he's like you're fine you gotta catch up to me dude yeah i was like you're drinking whiskey you fucking moron yeah but he does that's what you want is you want someone to go like uh uh i need you to catch up yeah that's an. That's an alcoholic, by the way. That's shit you say when you're like 18. You don't tell an adult to catch up to an alcoholic. Hold my hand into this fucked up world. He's wild.

We had to make him test the blow on my bachelor party. That's funny. We got like a big pile. He's like, let me just do it. We're like, we got to get a tester because of fentanyl. So he was so mad that we made him wait. That's so funny. He's like, I'll test it. There's no foul. Exactly. We're like, we got to get a tester because of fentanyl. So he was so mad that we made him wait. It's so funny. He's like, I'll test it.

There's no fat. Exactly. We're like, we're in Florida. Test it. He goes, ah, ah, ah. Just throws it. You throw Chris Allen in there? Yeah.

Yeah. Exactly. Dude, catching up or getting too drunk. I remember we went to a Vanderbilt game. It was like the college football kickoff. It was when Jadeveon Clowney was at South Carolina. White guy? Yeah.

He's Polish. Nate, Keith Alberstadt, and I went out in Nashville. This is when I was still drinking. And Keith Alberstadt did this thing at the bar. He goes, well, I think I'm going to keep up with Dan. Whatever you do, whatever you do, I'm going to do.

Keith, I don't think you want this, dude. You don't want this. I was like, you don't want this at all. We're drinking and we're going honky-tonk to honky-tonk. Every place, shot in a beer, shot in a beer. That's probably what I was doing. That's crazy. Then we go to Writer's Alley and we're there and keith is hammered it's not drinking it's our dd and keith goes i know this guy and we go to the bar and i'm like let's do a shot of jaeger and he gets

double shots of jaeger with beers and nate goes i'm gonna go get the car we gotta go he takes the shot he goes outside the bar and sits down becomes immovable he wouldn't wake up drunk dead weight we had to pick him up and put him in the car and then take him out and put him in a wheelchair that's a guy a guy in the lobby that was in a wheelchair saw us and goes do you want my wheelchair for your friends and he moved to the couch and then we put keith in the wheelchair and had to put him up in the room and then just in the morning we were sharing a hotel room he goes hey soda how bad to get last night he's so clean cut in the day yeah it was very fun he's he was a saucy drunk oh he could

put him back he got real mad at me one night at caroline's we got loaded and we met these two women and it was a mother daughter both hot both all hey and i'm like all right let's let's do this and more he drank the more he's like you're a fucking ghost and i'm like i don't know what that is it was his word for like a cock block but i was like dude there's two of them you could have whichever one you want i don't know and he was like you're a fucking ghost they followed us to the cellar i was like i think this dude's trying to fight me cheese nothing we did the girls left because it got weird. Yeah, yeah. He followed you? He's like, what?

You fucking. Why'd you do this? You fucking ghost. Sam, can I talk to you real quick? You're a ghost. You're a ghost. You know what that means in Nashville? Pull up ghost.

I've never heard of that. Maybe I'm saying it or spelling it, but I remember the word being like, I don't know what this is. All right. All right. How you doing? But he was so, yeah, he was such a like. By the way, he was crazy in shape.

Oh, yeah. You picked him up off the ground. so, yeah, he was such a, like. By the way, he was crazy in shape. Oh, yeah. You picked him up off the ground, and you're like, you're all muscle, dude. He was a pro, too. Bag of bricks. Remember those comedy competition soda? He would always kill, because he'd always have, like,

you know, you do March Madness, he'd have, like, a great riff out of the gate. Oh, yeah, he was charming. He was like the Marlboro Man, you know? But we've all woken up in weird places, but never in a wheelchair. That would freak me out for half a second, like, oh, no. What did I do?

Did I lose my legs? Okay, I'm good. I woke up on an IV once in San Antonio with, like, a big nurse lady working on me. And I was like, ah. And she's like, you took some drugs. You're all right. And my friend's, of course, filming it. And he's like, ah, you're some drugs. You're all right. And my friend's, of course, filming it.

And he's like, ah, you're all right. It was old drugs. I think it was called a totem pole, which is like a Xanax. It's huge. And I took the whole thing. Because I was like, ah, I'll drink and feel good. And I was out. Don't do that.

Don't do it. Damn, dude, that's like waking up from surgery. Yeah, yeah. You wake up and you're like, did they get it? I have the whole thing on tape, too. It's on my phone. Oh, dude. that's like waking up from surgery. Yeah, yeah. You wake up and you're like, did they get it? I have the whole thing on tape, too. It's on my phone. Oh, dude. Use my phone. Waking up in a new place.

Great talk. She's fucking awesome. Sorry. 17 years old. Damn. Hey. I was walking around with someone else. I was walking around the Irvine Improv over the weekend with her, and the staff's like,

Winnie? 17. They fucking know her from the pod. That's legal here. She's awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at her. Look at that. My father, the hero. That's legal here. She's awesome. Yeah, look at her. Look at that.

My father, the hero. The constant licks, dude. She heard you shitting on pugs on your pod. Oh, shit. I love pugs. I love pugs. I just said that they're a tough hang because they're always like this.

Yeah, they're the best. I like it. Fuck. I love them. God, this is a sweetheart. It's like hanging out with Donnelly. Look at Sean. Oh, man, that thing's got a fucked up face.

It's got one eye, dude. I didn't get a good look at it. That eye is fucking so scary. I thought I was going to learn my future. They found her on the streets. She was in the L.A. streets. From Compton. Yeah.

And how long have you had this dog? Born in Compton. My girlfriend's dog. She got her at like nine. Oh, nice. She got when the dog was nine yeah and she's 17 she's hanging what are you it's like a bowling alley waitress that's just had enough you should get her a little cigarette to hang out oh she's like don't stop the pets dude i love her jane was giving her fingertips scratching and gentle's even gentle. Yeah, this is an old... She's not normally friendly. She likes you.

Damn, dude. Oh, yeah. Shane's the dog whisperer. She'll snap, though. Show them the video. Yeah, yeah. She'll fucking... Every once in a while, she gets fucking straight, dude.

Oh, yeah. It comes out. She's got a side to her. She's like, don't you put your hands on me. My father don't put his hands on me. Taking the earrings off. Now I'm starting to get scared of this. 17-year-old punk.

Yeah. What's that in dog years? Times seven. 119. I think we did that. Oh! She's fucking hanging on. You're killing it with the math today.

Well, no. I think we did this earlier. Yeah, we did that. Didn't you say she gets active to like 90s hip hop? Yeah, we were driving here once and someone was playing some rap in the car next door and she was just like. Pull up some NWO. Back to her days in Sepulveda.

Look at that. Big tongue. Good bug. Good bug. Nice little cranium. 17 years old. That's awesome. You got a cute dog, Soda.

Yeah, she's a little fat, though. She's a spaz. She just gets excited about everything. This dog really wants me to pet it. Yeah. Every time I stop, it's like... What? She, like, rolls her eye back at me.

Here, watch. Ah! Excuse me. Excuse me. Ah, that's good. What a good dog. You got away with pets. I like pugs, too.

Pugs are... Even cats. Who doesn't like animals? I like goths, too. Have you ever met someone that doesn't like dogs? I don't know. The Middle East. Say about 13% of the country.

Yeah. I don't know. You go far east enough. They got pit bulls. Yeah. Michael Vick. Yep. Hey, how about Commander biting?

He just bit someone else again yeah security guard or whatever damn dude Commander is bitten five people good dog no way more than that more than five so like in the 15 no it's 20 something I thought 24 incidents wow

dude if you're if you're a secret service it's a German shepherd too with an old man that doesn't know what he's doing. What do you do? Yeah. I can tell my grandma when her dog would misbehave. She'd go, what do you do? He didn't do that.

Yeah. The Biden old jokes are really opening up now. And now the people are like, all right, we can do it. Yeah. Like once Jon Stewart did it. Jon Stewart. Yeah. It was over.

Jon Stewart did a good thing, too, with the vax. Remember that when he went with Colbert? Yeah, he called it out on Wuhan. He was like, you sure it wasn't from the- Wu-Han? Yeah. Yeah. From the lab?

He said it on Colbert. Yeah, Colbert kept going like, hey, Jon, let's not. And he's like, what's up? Yeah. Where it's from. And then it opened it up. People lost their job before that if you said it was a lab. I love Jon Stewart.

Stewart's a legend. Back on the day. Great stand-up back in the day, man. When he did Unleaven, that old Comedy Central special. Fucking killer. Oh, yeah. He's a great back on the great stand-up back in the day man when he did like yeah 11 that old Comedy Central special Fucking killer oh yeah John Stewart and a good thing a good point of view always like I trust his point of view that was we were talking about It last night. It's like it's good He means clearly left-leaning like clearly, but he at least still makes fun of the left also yeah

Yeah, that's all you have why yeah, why not? That's it all you gotta do is make fun of them don't clutch your pearls about it yeah fucking grip it and rip it baby yeah you got that right brother yeah that's it make fun of the lip tarts but i mean yeah make fun of biden he's the fucking president you're allowed to make fun of the president not become cool to make fun of the teacher obama make fun of everybody obama drone the hell out of the middle i know but you could no one really made fun of him. People made fun of him. He's like, I've got robots that are going to make sure your wedding isn't that great. He was the first president to play basketball.

That was like- Oh, yeah. I'll tell you where he got me. Cigarettes. Yeah. Yeah, Enblo. He smoked cigarettes. I was like, that fucking rules.

Well, that Hawaii picture with the fedora, pull that one up. That changed everything. But you never saw footage of an active president in a pickup game. that fucking rule. Well, that Hawaii picture with the fedora, pull that one up. That changed everything. But you never saw footage of an active president in a pickup game. No. That was like the first, that's why I was like,

all right, that's kind of cool. Maybe Taft. Taft had a killer crossover. Yeah, I think the fattest president. Oh, is that bathtub Taft? Yes. Thank you. No, you gotta be able

to make fun of the president. Yeah. Required. Well, what are we, the Middle to make fun of the president. Yeah. Required. What are we, the Middle East? Here we go. I hear he's dirty as shit. This is like the Segura. Well, you don't get to the top of the American government by being clean.

Is he a lefty? Yeah, of course. Bam. That was a little WNBA. Here we go. All right. He pulled a little layup. He was acting like he was really good.

He was the sixth man on his high school team in Hawaii. Yeah, he's not very good. Well, as far as presidents go. It would be fun. He's got to be the most fun to talk shit to. It's crazy you're giving all those tax breaks to the rich. That's not true. He goes, well, that's not true at all.

You actually have a lot of fair compensation for working families. You go, I don't think you. I think you're against the working man. Dude, you ever see. Just double guns. I think you're against the working man. The dunk. You ever see who's the Texas, Ted Cruz versus Jimmy Kimmel?

Yeah, Cruz. Cruz. Ted Cruz is humility. Ted Cruz is nice. Pull that up. He's all right. He does a couple of fake outs. Dude, that's you being a liberal, dude. You're like, Obama's good. Ted Cruz is humiliating. Ted Cruz is nice. He's got some moves now. He does a couple of fake outs.

See, that's you being a liberal, dude. You're like, Obama's good. Ted Cruz is nasty. I didn't say Ted Cruz. I didn't say Obama's good. I said he plays. Watch him. Pull it up.

Pull it up. Watch him destroy Jimmy Kimmel. Really? Whose idea was this? Get that top one. Top one in 15 minutes. Oh, never mind then. Let's watch the full game.

And by the way, shout out to Kimmel. He put it on. Kimmel was talking shit. Oh, he mind then. Let's watch the full game. And by the way, shout out to Kimmel. He put it on. Kimmel was talking shit. Oh, he started it. Cruz. Cruz is nice, dude. You've got to finish that. What are you doing?

Oh, he stuffed him. Holy shit, Isaiah Komp. They got Isaiah Thomas to call this? The blobfish. Man, that's ugly. That was all ball. They should do more. This is a good All-Star weekend thing.

Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. I would love that. Because the players don't try, but these teams are trying. And like wherever the All-Star game is. I think the game winner is, yeah, sorry. I mean, they are probably that slow. That is pathetic.

Oh, hell yeah. they are both very slow. That is pathetic. Oh, hell yeah. It's just very slow. Man, Cruz is sloppy. They have a similar body. It's all good shit. What are you going to do about it? Is this a shoot-off? You're right. It worked out terribly.

I mean, nothing has ever worked out worse than that worked out all right play ball i'm glad to see you've forgiven donald trump for all the horrible things you said about your family oh what are we playing imagine losing a game and bringing up trump also you remember when he said you remember when he did Blackface in 2003? Where'd it go? I was watching that. Sorry. Because what about juggies on trampolines?

You go, don't bring up the good stuff. Not right now at all. I want to see the game winner, dude. Yeah, I know. Why would you X that out? I think he's being sued by Santos right now. See if you can type in Kimmel, Cruz, and then Jinx. J-I- jinx yeah got what's that those I like yeah I just want to see the end yeah I want to see the game I want to see these shoddy ices away all right okay and we

are talking shit? They're just buying time. Yeah. Lower premiums. We're still doing politics. Oh, he hit a three. All right. Oh, shit.

Oh, it was closer than I thought. Yeah, that's pretty close. I thought... Yeah, that is hilarious. It is 9-11. The government did do it. Yeah, right. That's fun. Damn. That's11. The government did do it. Yeah, right. That's fun.

Damn. That's fucking... They need more of this. Yes. They'll bring America together. Yeah. How about... Have an older white dude

play one-on-one? Biden-Trump? Oh, my God. Oh, they might do a couple more. I'd take Trump. Trump's gonna win, but... Because also,

he can play that Shaq-style ball and just back him down with his big bully ball. They're going to have to play bridge. Yeah, it's bridge for sure. Yeah, what about AOC Bobert wrestling? Applesauce wrestling.

Yeah, cream corn. Not bad. Applesauce wrestling. How about a Hunter Biden, Don Jr. cocaine off? Yeah, Coke Mountain. So you can get up Coke Mountain. I think Hunter's got that locked. Well, here's the deal. Hunter's been training on off. Yeah. Coke Mountain. So you can get up Coke Mountain. I think Hunter's got that locked. Well, here's the deal.

Hunter's been training on crack. Yeah. So I think he's ready to go. But he's been probably clean for a little while. So he might be down right now. You come back too strong. Does Jr. get after it? Oh, yeah.

Oh, Jr. Pull up some videos of him on Fox. He's licking. He's just like. He's like Robin Williams in the 1970s. Oh, have you seen this? Oh, my father's the president. Oh, would be the president.

Living in America. Oh, yeah. Eye to eye. Tooth to tooth. It's a man's world. It's a man's world. You ever seen the prior one where he's getting interviewed and he's like, you don't like young girls?

You don't like young girls. And he's coked out of his mind. Is that in Tucson outside? Yes. Yeah. He's talking about how great Steve Martin is. Yeah, he's doing any which way but loose and he's all fucking jacked out.

He's yacked. Oh, Shane, I got a question. Who's the craziest person that's reached out about your SNL? He's yacked. Justin Bieber. No way. What'd he say? The Biebs.

That was so wild. By the way, I didn't think about that. That is the craziest. Yeah, it's so wild. What'd he say? The Biebs. They so wild By the way I didn't think about that That is the crazy Yeah it's so wild What'd he say? The Beeps They wanted I don't know if I should say it

I guess it doesn't matter They wanted me to go to his birthday party tomorrow In LA And Are you going? No You gotta go No I'm not going

You can fuck Selena Gomez I'm gonna go sleep Yeah Lay down Watch movies But isn't the comic in you like This might be a good story? Yes, you're a believer.

Yeah, for sure. But then I got to fly back to New York. But it's funny because they're flying you in like a- You're on a jet. You know what's funny is they're flying you in like an ice sculpture of a goose. It really is. And then they're going to have you there. They're like, no, I'll get rid of it.

Yeah. They're like, we're flying. I'll go back to New York. But you're not doing a set. No. Oh. Yeah. Feels like a lot of-

You're pretty sick. Bieber fucking rules. Did you tell a story about you doing a set? Did you tell a story on any podcast about you doing a set? NFL? Yeah, NFL lot sick beaver story about you doing a set did you tell a story on any podcast about you doing the NFL NFL you guys want to hear yeah please yeah I love this one so at the Super Bowl this guy that owns a actually he knows you Canadian guy banker he said you did a show there and people got upset in Toronto maybe? Yes. Yes. Yes, I did. I bombed my balls off. So that guy asked me to go to a dinner at the Super Bowl with him,

and it's all NFL Hall of Fame. Dude, the people he named to me while I got to Vegas, it was like, and I'm just going to see if I can get this right, Michael Vick, Jerry Rice. Jesus. There were so many names. Steve Young, Dan Marino. Lawrence Taylor. Lawrence Taylor. Jesus. There were so many names. Steve Young, Dan Marino. Lawrence Taylor.

Lawrence Taylor. Jerome Bettis. Donovan McNabb. Whoa. Ed Reed. Shannon Sharp. Bobby's favorite. What?

JJ? It was, and this is all just at one table in a back room of a steakhouse. And then they're like- They want you to do shtick. And then they're like, all right. And we have my favorite comedian make some noise and I

no microphone I stood up at the head of the table I at least got a mic it's like a college show I had to battle I got a mic eventually

good for you I was like guys I can't he wanted me to go right away and he like leaned down to be like and I brought and I was like

I can't do this I don't have to did he offer you stupid money yeah but he do this i don't have to he's like you don't have stupid money yeah but he was like you don't have to do stand up if you don't want to and i was like fuck this guy really wants me to do this so what else can you do i just made i did do that i made fun of start singing jim kelly jim kelly's said grace before we ate dinner. So I made fun of that. I was like, Jim, this is

just Jews. I was like, Jim, these are the guys that killed him. Well, I found the Lord when I beat cancer twice. Yeah, he did. Jim Kelly's the fucking man. Was it brutal or are you just saying it was brutal? It was brutal

when I was up there standing. I can't imagine that's a doable gig. So that joke killed. I was making fun of Jim Kelly and I was like, read the room. And then I tried to do material. What joke did you try to do? Trump. Yeah.

And that was bombing on an impression in front of people. Jerry Rice was sitting next to me. So I watched him go back to his phone. Sitting right here. And then I ended it because Nate Marshall was with me and he was just standing in the corner. And I was like, all right, that's it for me. That's my friend Nate Marshall. He's a pedophile.

And I watched Jerry Rice go. All right, you're close, Strong. Do you bombing during a voice? And then I was like, Shannon, don't tell Cat Williams about this. Yeah, right. That's fun. Cat Williams is like, I was here the whole time. Under the table with a microphone, Pippin.

You one of the six that Joe Rogan's been pushing. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. I'm not. Yeah, I know. Are we not? I don't think we are. It's brutal to bomb the phone of legends. Because he says the whole time. Jim Kelly said he's never seen someone choke like that under pressure before.

That's so funny. And he goes, and I got Norwood's number. I got Norwood in my phone. I got four straight. Was it four or three? Yeah, four straight. Four straight Super Bowl losses. Giants, Cowboys, Redskins. Giants, Redskins, Cowboys, Cowboys.

Did you do an hour? There? No, I did five minutes. Oh, I had to do an hour. Yeah, you had to do like real fast. Yeah, but he had to do it in front of Hall of Fame football players. Yeah, I had to do it in. Yeah, you had to do like real- Yeah, but he had to do it in front of Hall of Fame football players. Yeah, I had to do it in front of a table of- That's tough.

Just them. I'd rather bomb for people that weren't a part of my childhood. Yeah. Sure, sure. These were all just like bankers and real estate guys. Yeah, dude, if I had to bomb in front of Hulk Hogan. I'm right here, brother. Yeah, bombing in front of Michael Vick hurts.

It's like the coolest- Hey, Eagle. Yeah. Damn. But it was, the opening was nice. I was like, it's good to be here in front of all these incredible athletes and then just regular Jews. That's good.

A lot of mileage out of the Jews. That's a good line. Yeah, I had to. You got to do it. I love it. Damn. Yeah, mine was brutal because it was about 40 people upstairs of a restaurant and the guy's such a fan.

He's a nice guy. He's awesome. He's like, you got to do this bit. I love this bit of yours. And I was like, oh, this this is gonna be a lock like he's telling me what bits to do i did all the ones he said he's in the front row they're all bombing and he's looking at me going what are you doing i'm like i'm doing the bits what do you want yeah it was brutal the thing where he's like what the fuck yeah and you could just see everybody one by one being like oh this when's this gonna end i did a full hour. You did an hour? It was brutal.

Fisher Price mic that was crackling, going in and out, feedback. It was hell. I hope you spent that money on booze, delicious booze. I ran right from there and went and did a comedy club. Good. Smart, smart, smart. I thought it was in Toronto. It was.

Did you go to the comedy bar? I did the comedy bar. Did you guys see Shaub roll his truck yesterday? This is pretty wild. What happened? He was doing donuts in the desert, it looks like, andub roll his truck yesterday? This is pretty wild. What happened? He was doing donuts in the desert, looks like,

and he rolled his truck. He's looking good. What the hell? Oh, the airbag went quick. Damn, dude. What the fuck happened to him?

Is he all right? I thought he quit comedy. This is hilarious. Hold on. I want to know if he says anything because I would be talking.

He does. He gets out. He's like, what the fuck? Oh, the OnStar's going off. I'm with him on that panicked escape. Oh, yeah. That'd be so scary.

Did he put this video out? Definitely. TMZ did. Camera. It's his game, yeah. Yeah. That is fucking terrifying. It's really funny.

It'd be funny, though, if you go, I need that charging wire. SOS call not successful. As the SOS service... That airbag hit is... Right here, he goes... Watch the side head hit. Got it. And then it just popped.

Quick. That was a quick flip. What is he doing? He was trying to do donuts. Driving in the desert. Donuts in the desert. Damn. That was awesome. Good for desert. Donuts in the desert. Damn. That was awesome.

Good for him. Yeah, good for him. That'll be a nice bump for his pod. Holy shit. Content. You never want the, here it is, that's videotape of you falling in a way. Yeah. You're like, you can't act.

You gotta post it though. It's funny to post it. It's funny he posted it. And he's okay. It's funny he posted it. You guys ever been in a car flip? No. Oh, you're missing out. No. It's funny he posted it. And he's okay. You guys ever been in a car flip? No. Oh, you're missing out. No. It's a rush.

We went tubing in the Bogachitta down in Louisiana. I was probably like 16. Just lost my virginity. I'm in the car with my girlfriend is driving. We're all hammered. We've been on the boat on the what do you call it? The tubes all day drinking beer. And my friend's in the back and he goes

gun it! And we went around a turn on a dirt road, and she gunned it. She didn't know what she was doing. We flipped into a ditch, upside down, hanging, hit the seatbelt, you drop, and we got arrested. Damn. Did you die? Nah, we were fine. It was a rental car, though.

Woo! You ever see that kid flip his car while he's singing? It's one of my favorite videos ever. Pull it up. This kid's singing like a Christian's singing? It's one of my favorite videos ever. Pull it up. This kid's singing like a Christian song. He's like, all my life. And he goes, ah! Don't see it in a second.

It's the best. All right. Good luck finding that, Sally. Car Christian song? Singing. Not Christian song. Oh. Woo!

This is good stuff. Yes, there we go. Yeah, I'm excited for this one. This gets a little downsy. Where's your God now? Oh, my God. Wait, that wasn't a flip, was it? I don't know.

I thought he flipped. Dude, by the way, the way he checks everything out is exactly how I would. He looks like a young Dilbert. Yeah, that's so funny. Holy shit. Oh, my Lord. Nothing funnier than genuine fear. Yeah.

Genuine fear is the best. You ever see the videos where they take a guy in the car, they go up to the front of a truck, and they act like they're about to crash, and they go, ah, and the guy wakes up? Oh, those are great. Best. Those were my favorite pranks for a while. Yeah.

Someone sleeping in a car and the three friends yelling. I know. I'm going to get stabbed one day, but one of my favorite things is when the wife's coming home, and I just wait behind the door, and I really scare the shit out of her. Scaring a lady is awesome. It's really fun. It's very fun.

Bag of groceries flying. Oh, shit. Is this another one? No, this is a prank where he's going to scare his wife because the truck is facing them. Oh, right. Going to wake her up. Oh, that's great. God, this is great.

Genius. Babe, wake up. There's a truck coming. That's beautiful. That's great. God damn it. That's great. Dude.

Oh, my God. Pranks. I want to do that. That is funny. It's good podcasting. I like it. You get any more? Watching fun videos.

My favorite. That's so much easier. I got to go do that at the bonfire. I get like four hours of this. Yeah, it's great. This is like a sober Protect Our Parks. Yeah. It's weird. easier. I got to go do that at the bonfire. I get like four hours of this. Yeah, it's great. This is like a sober Protect Our Parks. Yeah. It's weird.

Is this what it could be? Yeah. Who else? Anyone else? Bieber? Susan Boyle? Anybody else hit you up? Cosby?

Susan Boyle's great. Hello, Shane. You might not remember me. I was an ugly woman that could wail. You got everyone in that bag, dude. I know, right? It's fucking impressive. Lonely childhood.

And no one else, like, where you're like, wow, this person? I mean, your lineup's pretty good already. What's the last follow you got on Instagram that you were like? Bieber. That was crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. He's like. I'm sorry.

What were you saying? Open for D'Elia, I don't know, 15 years ago at Caroline's. 2010? I think me, you, and Nate. Oh, yeah. And Bieber was in the crowd. Really? That's his favorite comic, or it was.

How good did you feel the second it was over? It was great. I felt so good the second the monologue was over. Actually, the second the monologue was over in the dress rehearsal, I felt really good. I saw you did one of these. Who was that too just going that was to the camera okay i didn't like that people were dragging that woman behind you i didn't what the fuck are you doing open up halfway through i didn't get it i don't understand that it's just like a weird thing where people get like they love drag i'm like do you not realize this is the mob shit you got mad at oh yeah good

point absolutely it's it's mental to me. Yeah, well, they got to find something, you know? Yeah, that sucks. But, dude, the sketches were so good. Yeah, it was so fun to do. It was so funny. And you could act. Thanks, man.

I love it. Oh, sorry, you go ahead. What did you say? Was there any skits that they left out that you wanted to do? No, we got rid of the ones that I didn't like good for you but that emu one was the emu was good i was a cut for time yeah yeah damn that was gold that podcast yeah we just watched that before you came here actually it's hilarious yeah it's good i love the the draft kings one you mocked yeah that was a good twist great angle it was awesome it was front to back

it's fun when you see it like we've watched two of our friends host snl in a way that you're like they both did awesome and you can just read the fucking cards really yeah that's all you're doing the whole time melanie told me that nate invented a new way of reading cue cards that they had never done because nate would read halfway and then stop and then read the rest and the cue card guy was like done that. It's really hard not to look at other people. Yeah. Because if you're reading the cards, you've got to stay on the cards. Because otherwise, it's clear you're reading the cards. Right.

You know what I mean? But normally, if you're acting a scene, you want to talk to the person. So the way they block it. Then you'd forget your lines. So you'd be like, what you need to do is, you need to get like, you know what I mean? Right. So you've just got to stay on the fucking cards. That's nuts.

I never noticed that's why it always looks like that. Yeah. They take their eyes off the cards. Yeah. Yeah. To have it blocked to where it's going to look the most natural. I never noticed that's why it always looks like that. Yeah. They take their eyes off the car. Yeah. Yeah. To have it blocked to where it's going to look the most natural. Was there anyone? It's kind of funny, too, to just stay locked.

Like, you were in the church sketch. You were just looking forward, you know, when you were the dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pum to Jesus. Yeah. That was my favorite one. That was great. That was so funny.

Whose idea was this? We're going to do this on vacation. We're in Ireland. Yeah. Great. Whose idea was the Trump shoes one? That was great. I think that was a guy named Streeter.

Streeter Seidel? Seidel. I know Streeter Seidel. Yeah, he was awesome. Yeah. He was really good. He sort of called humor and stand-up. I remember him.

Yeah, he's a funny guy. Yeah. Yeah, and they got the Biden old jokes. See, I'm telling you, Biden old jokes are open. The nice button. I toss that one in. Good for you. We got to make fun of the other side too, guys.

Don't forget a little bit. A little bit. Good for you. We got to make fun of the other side too, guys. Don't forget a little bit. A little bit. Just a little. They're all watching. Yeah. Was there anyone in the cast where you were like, fuck, this dude's really good? And it was anyone who you're like, this is a really good sketch person. They're all fucking.

They're all great. I love Mikey Day. Yeah. He is awesome. I love Mikey Day. I did. is awesome. I love Mikey Day. I did Izzet Cake with him, and he was so fucking cool. Meeting him, he's not the way you'd think he is. I don't know.

I just expect them all to be theater kids. He was like, they're just cool. He was very like, hey, what's up, man? He was very, yeah, he was awesome. I love the Forrest Gump thing you did with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted that. I could have done better there. No, that was great. That was great. I like the Forrest Gump thing you did with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted that. I could have done better there.

No, that was great. That was great. Greenboro High? I liked that one. Greenboro High, I do. You killed that one. Good, thank you. It's a great character.

I mean, it's the guy who's trying to one-up Forrest Gump. Yeah, yeah. Be like, what's that fucking idiot been up to? Yeah. I love it. What are you doing? Where's his mama? He's like, mama's in heaven.

What about Jenny? Where's hot Jenny? I'm calling her hot Jenny. where's hot jenny i'm calling her hot jenny where's hot jenny yeah that guy that guy's like a kind of like utility player you could put him anywhere oh yeah it's unbelievable so good did you end up bringing sam jay or no yeah oh okay because we were all at the keever and sam in there she kept giving you advice and you're like i don't want to make waves over there i don't want to push back and she was like i'll do it so it felt like you were bringing her into i was telling soda on the way up here i i was like yeah sam came and helped

me out because i can't say no to exactly i felt like a fucking you know you feel like a weirdo there yeah get a lesbian and they're all friends with the vibe weird no everyone says that nsnl is so clicky i mean i can't imagine you're in a different position you're coming in yeah it was uncomfortable for sure but that was just it's like first day of school stuff. Right, right. I don't know. You're the new guy. Yeah, but I mean, did you-

They were all, everybody was nice. And it was a big moment. It was a very big moment and you had fun in it. Hell yeah. Yeah, they never seemed to acknowledge like the, during the monologue being like, oh, it sucks I can see all you guys not laughing. That's just doing standup. Right, right. They're like, oh, it sucks I can see all you guys not laughing. That's just doing stand-up. Right.

He's bombing. That's the only time I've seen a stand-up do that. Why does the media – I saw a lot of articles. I didn't click on any of them. I saw a lot of headlines where they're like, Shane Gill is bombed. Dude, the Daily Beast put out their article before the episode was over. I told Shane that. I was in my hotel in Cleveland and I went to Yahoo or something.

They're like, Shane Gill bombs his monologue. I'm like, I'm watching the sex doll sketch. I was also my hotel in Cleveland, and I went to Yahoo or something. They were like, Shane Gillis bombs his monologue. I'm like, I'm watching the sex doll sketch. And I was also like, no, I didn't. That was one I was like, I knew I didn't. Yeah. You know when you're like, I know when I bomb, and I usually hate myself. Right.

That one, I was like, that went as well as it could have. I got to get going. All right, buddy. Yeah, well, let's wrap this up. Plug some stuff, guys. I mean, Shane, you got a new show coming out on Netflix. Yeah. Oh, another W. Yeah, man.

Tires. I read the Daily Beast said the show sucks. And so did a new special on YouTube. Yeah, it's out now. Go watch it, please. Share it with all your friends. I appreciate it. One of our, I mean, two of our favorites.

Type in ShaneGillis.com. What's this one? No, just Shane Gillis, not Shane M. Oh, Shane. No, try it. One of our favorites. I mean, two of our favorites. Type in ShaneGillis.com. What's this one? No, just Shane Gillis, not Shane M. Oh, shit. No, try it. Did you see it changed? No, it did. Watch.

Oh, no. Uh-oh. That's really funny. It used to be a link to sodas. Shout out, Melissa. I think that's Melissa. Yeah, that's funny. Shout out, BB Girl.

Plug some dates, Dan. I'm on the road a lot. Coming up, Zany's Nashville. I'm going to be at DC Improv. Oh, yeah, Go Bananas in Cincinnati. I'm there the 8th and 9th. And then Comedy Off-Broadway. Yeah!

That sounded like shit. I'm not joking. That was good. This is an Amazon. Omaha Funny Bone. Omaha funny bone. Not returnable. You just dropped a leg, brother. It was a stinky leg drop.

Yes, Mark. That was fucking bad. Holy moly. Harry nips. I love you guys. Thanks so much for having me. I love you. Yeah, buy Bodega Cat at bodegacatwhisker.com.

We're making progress on new york state distribution yes might be might have some good news for you soon uh check out shane's all his great stuff yeah you on the road coming up shane yeah a lot uh on shane m gillis dot com i think we're at the netflix fest yeah i got a lot that oh i'm uh me and schultz are gonna headline the staples center at netflix wow. Holy shit. So we got to sell those tickets. Sell those tickets, brother. Yeah, yeah. Is that with the forum?

And the forum and the Greek. Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's sick. All right. A lot of tickets. I get to bomb all three. A lot of tickets. I got nothing to promote, man.

I'm doing the special and I got nothing after that. So taping this week. Woo! Yeah. Hell yeah. What are you taping this week. Woo! Yeah. Hell yeah. What are you taping, really? The Wilbur, yeah. What?

Can't go wrong with the Wilbur. We'll be on Amazon. Yes! Yeah! Pump the battle. True Kings shining, dude. That's awesome. Hell yeah.

Pump for this one. I'm just doing stand-up at shows. Yeah. On the road. Come on by MarkNormanComedy.com. Praise Allah. Thanks, guys. What an app. We love you. GoodNormanComedy.com. Praise Allah. Thanks, guys. What a nap.

We love you. Good to see you. Fun times. Comedy. Sunday's the day for my next offender. A bit of Pivoreck, you know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope.

And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like a cop's coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her and I

get down in the same way We might be true