We Might Be Drunk - Ep 171: Ari Shaffir and Dan St. Germain - Life Of The Paddy

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

Happy St. Patrick's Day 2024 you drunks! Enjoy another round with the guys tonight a bit of Tullamore Dew, Guinness and a lot of laughs. Dan St. Germain and Ari Shaffir are with us to celebrate the high holiday. Dan has a new special out now: "Dance Fatty Dance" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWafzY7HERs Ari is taping a special APRIL 26 & 27 - WASHINGTON, DC Tickets ON SALE NOW! at AriShaffir.com Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/ Mark Normand: https://marknormandcomedy.com/ Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Bodega Cat: http://www.bodegacatspirits.com We Might Be Drunk is produced, recorded and edited by Gotham Production Studios. Head producer: Matthew Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/ If you want to start a podcast contact [e-mail] for a discount on services when referred by WMBD! Support the show and start the Good Habit at https://www.tryfum.com/DRUNK to save 10% off the Journey Pack today Support the show and get 20% off and free shipping with the code DRUNK at https://www.manscaped.com

hey hey folks happy saint patty's good to be here we got dan saint germain alcoholic we might have a pop-in in a little bit so careful yeah look at that that's great does that win i should have kept my relapse going for this episode. I know, yeah. I'm sorry about that. That was really insensitive of me. How long have you been out of rehab? About four months. Good to have you back. I tell you not to drink these, but I made an exception.

It's right on page one of the pamphlet. How many do you have to drink to get just a taste of them? These are zero. You can't get anything. This is nothing. I kind of want to try one. And I'm on Anabuse, so if there was any alcohol, I would get like violently ill. Cheers. Hey, wait. Can you pour me a smooch of I kind of want to try one. And I'm on Anabuse, so if there was any alcohol, I would get like violently ill. Cheers.

Hey, wait. Can you pour me a smooch of that? I want to see how real it is. Yeah, for sure. Just a smooch. I'm sure it tastes like beer, right? It tastes like Heineken. That's enough.

I've never had an NA. Cheers. This is good. It's pretty good for, I mean, it's better than like O'Doul's for sure. Oh, that's good. Yeah, it's not bad, right? It tastes like a beer it's crisp only 69 calories guys fucking promote you know i'm willing to be your spokesperson i love this guy passed out behind a dumpster went to rehab and he's like this is low carb

and we go when when he's gonna get drunk did i tell you when i was there um there was this one dude i guess like they found out i was a comedian and uh one of the guys had just started and i just done like a thing at governor's and i was having panic attacks every day i was there and he was he was pitching me new material while i was like having a panic attack and convulsing on the floor you're, give me a drink. I can't take it. He's probably going to blow up. That's the type of.

And that was Matt Wright. How is rehab? Is it like the movies? This is the fifth one I've been to. This was really nice. How much money is that around, do you think? Well, I got insurance, wife's insurance. Thanks, baby.

Love you. Your wife's insurance? Yeah, yeah. Wife's insurance totally covered it. Wow. Damn, we should take a vacation. Yeah, dude. Free you. Your wife's insurance? Yeah, yeah. Wife's insurance. Totally covered it. Whoa! Damn, we should take a vacation. Yeah, dude. Free vacation. They're beautiful. They're always on the beach and shit.

Yeah, this one's good. Wellbridge Recovery. They made it for the super rich, but not enough rich people came, so then they started taking insurance. Hell yeah. Much better than the last one. Give me some deets. A lap pool? Well, the pool was closed, and was like a big bone of contention because we also had like rehab government where there was like a rehab mayor and a rehab like comptroller and shit like that damn but uh we had we had one well one guy who uh had just turned into a woman

so she was a as a he uh he was a champion power lifter. So there's like videos of him just killing it online. All right. And now, you know, she's a she. So it's her first time getting sober. It's going to be an even better power lifter now. So, yeah, she was there. We had a dance. What?

I met one dude while I was there who like, I i asked him like what he what he did and he said military and i'm like what division and he's like snakes i was like oh so you also have a drug problem what does that mean i don't know he's a fucking cobra commander but he was like one of the he was a guy like we all were like really nice like because when you leave rehab plays your favorite song before you leave so we played brown-eyed girl for him when we all were really nice to. Because when you leave, rehab plays your favorite song before you leave. So we played Brown Eyed Girl for him when we all sang. And he danced in front of us. And then he left.

So good for him. There you go. What was your song that you left on? Florence and the Machine song. Florence and the Machine. So mine was kind of emotional. I saw them live. Was it good?

It was great. Yeah, she's awesome. I want to leave to I'm a Real American. Kenny Powers? Which Florence and the Machine song? It was Shake It Out. How do you pick the song? They come in to like, do you think about this?

I thought about it, yeah. I should have just done a fun one because everyone does like emotional ones. But, you know, I was emotional. I would go Chumbawumba. I have a vodka drink and a whiskey drink. A cider drink. Dude, it was so nice. Four people.

This is how nice the rehab was. Four people relapsed and then went back to the rehab while I was there. Whoa. Is it fun to be like, hey, welcome back? They seem kind of bummed out. But, yeah, yeah. What's a day like in rehab? Like walk us through an average day start

out with a meditation so it's usually like an hour or yoga depending on what you want wow then there's art therapy i have like a rehab snowman i can send yoga teachers socials please if you want there's a teacher you're not just doing the yoga yourself no no we all have yeah we have to i have one rehab where they it was like lord of the flies and they let us all control it and we were just at each other's throats the whole time. But this one was like, you know, much more professional. Sure. Then there's group therapy.

Then we have like individual therapy. And we do have a gym. So there's like some exercise with it. A lot of journaling. The first couple days you're in detox, which is crazy because people are screaming. They're getting off shit. But then you're moved into the dorms. I've watched a lot of Sopranos.

It wasn't a bad time at all, honestly. Like summer camp. Yeah, yeah. I've had way worse road weekends. My month in rehab. Roommate? No, I did have one, but I had this young kid but he was sneaking in vapes so uh they tossed all my food and i got pissed off so they gave me my own room for like the last two weeks

hell yeah how'd he toss your food well because like once they hear there's vapes or something they have to go through everything and then they found like a bagel that i had wrapped well i wasn't wrapped and they had to throw it out because it's like a food rule. Damn, that sucks. Is it all booze and drug? Is it like fat people are not as sexy? No, no fat people. But I mean, there's a lot of cross-addicted stuff for sure.

You ever been to one? No. No? No. You seem like you have your shit together. Yeah. Yeah, come on. He likes whippets.

He has like the nitrous mask from blue velvet on i went up i went as him for halloween one year oh you did yeah i did i could see that you're such a pretentious motherfucker doing david lynch halloween costumes everyone's like can you can you be freddy man how about fred Freddy how about the wolf man yeah it would be fucking blue velvet I got a good movie rec for you guys actually uh fucking

scrolling criterion an Ellie Gould movie pops up I've never heard of it it's called silent partner it's Ellie Gould and Christopher Plummer I guarantee you

they got the idea of bad Santa from this movie no way it's like a Santa bank robber oh for sure it's a cool

it's a really cool movie wow 78 that's like a Santa bank robber. Oh for sure. It's a it's a really cool movie Wow 78 Yeah, Ellie Gould's good walking the zero great put him down and Christopher Plummer's never not cool. Oh, he's great. He's always good Yeah Did he die yeah The banker? Yeah. Oh, this is every Jew's dream to shut down Christmas.

No, it's really cool. It's on criteria. 70s chicks were the hottest. So hot. So hot. Was that the girl from Love Story? No, that's Ally McGraw. She was not as hot as Ally McGraw, but she was in the conversation. There were some hot chicks in this movie.

And it's a fun flick. Ellie Gould was just cool, and Christopher Plummer was cool. Yeah. Yeah, I want to hear more about rehab, though. Yeah, we just start getting into the intricacies of Robert Altman for the next 45 minutes. Bash. Yeah, so no, we, I mean, while I was there, I did spend Thanksgiving there. Oh, that's tough.

And it was, yeah, it was, I mean, it was like one of the most delicious Thanksgiving meals I've ever had. It was, I mean, the stuffing was out of this fucking world. Yeah. I'll say that. No rum cake. The only thing that was like. Although it's like the number one drinking day, I feel like. Oh.

Yeah. Family, like that's a good day to be. There was a lot of guys coming in. Yeah. That night of Thanksgiving, there was a lot of guys coming in. Yeah. Night of Thanksgiving, there was a lot of guys coming in. Yeah. But we had one. I mean, the thing that was the funniest thing about this was my therapist just quit during

my time there. I showed up the next day, and she was like, she doesn't work for the facility anymore. Uh-oh. You walked her? I don't think. Well, I was showing her my comedy. She liked it. Oh, no!

Did you really do that? I showed her some of the... Hey, check out this Fallon set in 2015. No, I wrote for that, you know that Immoral Compass, that Bill Burr sketch show? Tell her Fallon bought Greeter. I wrote for that. So I showed her some sketches for that. And she was like sharing them to her friends,

I think. I think she liked it. Friends, you gotta get out of there. She's gonna see this episode and kill herself. Well, I premiered my, my special dance, fatty dance hat. Now I premiered it in rehab. Oh, yeah, that wasn't, they all wanted to see it. And they saw it, did fine. You know what I mean?

Were people enjoying it? Some people enjoyed it. Some people were like, this isn't fucking Cat Williams, you know? So it was like, I think some people liked it. Some people didn it. Some people were like, this isn't fucking Cat Williams, you know? So it was like, I think some people liked it, some people didn't. It's Fat Williams. It's Fat Evan Williams. Yeah, so I, it was a trip, man.

I mean, I got a lot out of rehab this time around. I'm glad you're alright, man. Yeah, I'm glad to be back. You gave a friend a large man named Chief. I think I was supposed to do the show, and then I just texted you guys, hey, I'm gonna be're alright man I'm glad to be back I think I was supposed to do the show and then I just texted you guys I'm going to be out for a month hell yeah well it's good to have you back good to be back

you could drink with the best of them I will say I don't want to say it's the best of them we ended up in rehab we drank one night yeah we did I think we fucked I was that homeless woman from the shelter We drank one night. Yeah, we did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we fucked. Yeah, I think so. I think so.

I was that homeless woman from the shelter. You've told the story a different way. First time I ever met Dan St. Germain, I was handing out flyers for the Underground Lounge on 107th Street. So was he across the street. And I remember we had to do it for two hours to get, I don't know, seven minutes of stage time. Yeah. And I watched Dan walk over to the guy like an hour 50 and be like, I'm good, man. And they were like, you just have to do 10 more minutes if you get to go on. And Dan's like, that's all right. And I was like, who is this person that hates himself this much?

That he would hand out flyers for almost two hours and then just go home. I'm just here for the barking, man. I'm just here for the love of barking. I was like, wow, this guy is... I'm fascinated by this person. And we became friends. And we became friends, yeah. Yeah.

Damn. Dan was always a funny dude, man. So funny. That was 110th Street. I remember that room. Yeah, it was actually... With Jeff Cole where he did the thing with the fucking plunger on his head. Yeah.

I did that. That was a great room. Ball guy who put the plunger on his head yeah i did that that was a great room bald guy who put the plunger on the pot yeah yeah is that still going i don't know i don't yeah no one goes that high up anymore but yeah great room good to have we used to do open mics together oh yeah we started and you would fucking crush you know no open mics are notoriously horrific, brutal, quiet. You would crush, too. We were the kings amongst the corpus. Yeah. Just to quote.

The blind leading the blind, but it was like me, you, Mike Lawrence, Mike Drucker. Yeah, yeah. I'm doing a show with him on Saturday. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. He's more of a writer guy now, but he's still in a stand-up. Yeah. Remember, we went to his wedding.

I remember that. I came back. I brought the table of drinks to the – I brought a platter of drinks to the table, and Mark goes, ah, Dan's back. Yeah. But, yeah, that was – yeah, unfortunately, that didn't work out. The wedding or the drinking? The wedding.

I think they both worked out the same. Five rehabs is a lot. Hell yeah. Be fair, like, three of them were outpatients, so I did that from home, you know, or I would go in and just... How did you rehab from home? Well, you Zoomed. I was Zoom rehabbing for a while.

Really? Yeah, yeah, for sure. How was that? Is that work? It got better because you don't have to go in yeah it was it was it was i mean like there's like a lot of it like some of it was like because the guy was like there was guys that were like going to jail for shooting somebody but other times it was mostly just like a stockbroker who didn't want to leave his house um yeah so i did that and uh then parallax which, which I think that's still around. It's in Murray Hill.

I did that and Outpatient, and it was like a lot of group therapy. I was really into my therapist there named Karen, a German lady. Ooh, baby. I'm not going to give her a last name. I can imagine. You wanted to fuck your therapist? When I was like 26 at the time, yeah, for sure. Yeah, well, you're married now, but I bet rehab sex is fucking hot.

Oh, a friend of mine is still married to the girl he fucked in rehab. There you go. Of course. Because you can't booze, you can't do drugs. I know her. Very nice lady. I shouldn't just say girl he fucked in rehab. Yeah.

What was that? Girl interrupted? Yeah. Is that rehab? Yeah. I think that's like troubled girls. Oh, that's hot. Like cutting each other and shit.

Now that's a porn category. You know who was fucking hot, though? Angelina Jolie in that movie. Jesus Christ. She was out of this world. I think Grace Murphy actually. She was in that. But she actually OD'd.

She OD'd. She was the dead one in that. In real life, too. The dead one after that. Method. Method acting. But, yeah, I uh yeah that was i feel like that was like girl shittier girl one flew over the cuckoo's nest yeah it was young adult

one flew over the cuckoo's nest right one flew over the hot topic that's what that whole movie felt like are there any rehab jokes in the new spesh there's a couple uh no not the new one i the old one i did the half hour because that was like the last time i went to inpatient i have some rehab jokes there but no i just started like i filmed this last june so no rehab stuff in this but the next one will have some rehab jokes this is a long turnaround yeah a long turnaround rehab i mean you know but now you're out you're doing all the pods you're doing the the run you're doing pod? Is that, oh, that's you in the outfit? Yeah, I found the pic.

You look like James Gandolfini there. Not what I was going for. No. You look like Gandolfini now. Dead. Clams Casino. Last Night in Florence, Gandolfini. Read that fucking lineup of shit he ate.

That list of shit. Oh, it's wild, dude. It's wild. It's impressive. It's impressive. It's like 12 highballs, 19 lobsters. Who? Gandolfini the night he died. 12 lobsters?

I'm exaggerating. Back-to-back orders of fried king prawns with mayonnaise, chili sauce, with large portion of foie gras. Wow. That's goose liver. Four rum shots, two beers, and two pina coladas. He lived. Pina colada's a weird thing to kill you. Yeah.

It's so dainty. It's like a fun drink. He overdosed on daiquiris. Just somebody doing harikari with the little umbrellas. Oh! Harikari. There he is.

Harikari. There we is. Ari Kari. Ari Kari. There we go. Hey, way to dress up. We even got you a shirt, but you did it on your own. I wasted a free shirt offer? I know, you keyboard elf. God damn it.

What's up, buddy? You look like a Jew Smurf. We're talking about rehab. My friend Ari. He's about rehab? He's back? Doing 00? On zeros, baby. On zeros.

No, no. Zeros, zeros. I can't do it. I'm on anti-butes. I can't do the.5s. We got Guinness if you want it, non-alcoholic, and beer, and a green beer, and a pitcher. We got some whiskey over here, too. One of you guys should get super shit.

I guess we go Irish whiskey, right? Yeah! You got a Tully, the most underrated of Irish whiskeys? Oh, yeah. You had a great bit about that. Remember that? Evan Williams? That was your big bit.

That was, yeah, back in the day. Tullamore Dew is the best. I mean, that was my favorite whiskey. That was my favorite. That at Paddy Williams? That was your big bit. Yeah, back in the day. Tell them or do is the best. I mean, that was my favorite whiskey. That was my favorite. That at Patty's, I was always... And then when they look at you, like, correct call. Yeah. It makes you feel good. Yeah, no, it's... It goes down real smooth. I usually just win JMO

or... Oh, tell them or do. Always get tell them or do if you can. Very nice. Are you giving them scotch? No, no, no. Give them the tell them or do. It's Irish. Scotch whiskey. Jesus. them or do if you very nice oh you got the mac give them scotch no no no no give them the telemore do it's irish uh scotch whiskey oh that's different jesus god fucking damn it man what is he a senator but telemore do for 20 minutes yeah what kind do you want um i'm gonna say telemore do yeah by the way maddie how you doing patty's patty is a uh a slur for irish people and no one cares. The Patty Wagon.

But they're saying it. And if you feel the word rice right before it, it's an Asian person. Oh, yeah, that's true. Rice Patty? Yeah, you're right. Good name for a hot Asian, bro. But, yeah, Patty Wagon is a, because Irish people was like, need not apply. They always went to jail.

So that's a slur. You know what else? Irish car bomb. Yes. They don't like it. No. Really? Yeah, because it's about what they used to do to the fucking Irish.

It kills them. Well, kamikaze for the Japanese. We're just, we're really. I mean, we should have a 9-11, right? This show specifically, you guys should start selling 9-11s. Give me a Sandy Hook, make it a shooter. That's okay. I'm not precious.

What about the hurricane? That ruined my people. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. That's right. The mudslide. Oh, that fucking Hamas wine? Okay, there's only...

You don't have any Irish whiskey? Zero. What kind of drinking podcast is this? I thought we had a telemorphic. You don't have Jamo? We have Bodega Cat, which is an Irish rye. How do you not have Irish whiskey at a fucking St. Patrick's Day parade? We got Guinness.

I'll have a Guinness. All right. All right, buddy. It's okay. It's okay. Keep that bottle opener over there. How was the bonfire? Bonfire was solid

Robert Kelly had a bit of a heart attack Oh no A heart attack? Like a real chest Paramedics game but he seemed okay I don't know the show went on anyways Okay So you had a dirt in the podcast?

No guys relax What's the green drink? That's beer How do you make it green? you had a der in the podcast? No, guys, we're live. You never know. What's the green drink? That's beer. Beer. How do you make it green? Happy St. Paddy's Day. Hey.

Happy St. You know, the St. Patrick, not even Irish. Fun fact. No way. He's British. What? Yeah, but he moved to Ireland and taught them Christianity.

Yeah. He took over Ireland immediately. I'm watching Shogun. You guys watching that? Is that good? It looks pretty good. FX? It's hulu i believe oh slow but man it is heavy it's like an asian game of thrones oh yeah that out game of clones there you go but yeah very good oh we both we both went for the horrible joke yeah the preview looks like it could be good or really shittily TV-like. It's pretty good.

It's slow and Japanese. It was slow. So was, well, Suns of Anarchy got going right away. The Wire was slow. Yeah. The Wire was slow. First season. You try to recommend it to people and you forget.

Then they watch. Like, what the fuck? I'm halfway through. Yeah, but it's got enough prestige now, though, that people know. A year before The Wire appears. Did you like the second season? I liked the second season. Yeah.

A lot of people were, you know. It's probably my least favorite season, but it was A year before The Wire appears. Did you like the second season? I liked the second season. Yeah. A lot of people were... Yeah. You know. It's probably my least favorite season, but it was good. Of The Wire? Still good. Well, you get used to the characters, and all of a sudden, they're like, it's not about them anymore.

Yeah. Right, right. Get rid of them. Here's my rec for the week. You rec the movie. That's a great sound effect for rec, yeah. Yeah, we should bring that in. Santino with Bobby Altoff.

Have you guys seen this? Oh, I saw it. I texted him about it. I texted him, too. He killed it. It was so good. It was great. Her whole thing is she tries to make the other guy look like a dick.

Yes. And he totally turned it on. Yeah, he flipped it on her. It was incredible. I thought they just played along with each other. No, he's he's shitting on her the whole time oh i don't know like apparently it's real she says that like this whole character it's like a real thing oh really that's her sense of humor yeah the one that got

shane was like this one she had with this dumb rapper when she didn't know she was a musician she goes i don't do magic and i'm like like, it's clearly fake. And he goes, no, she's that dumb. Oh, yeah, I remember that. But, like, everything she does is trying to be, like, fake this stuff. Yeah, but he flipped it and makes her look foolish. You good? No. Did you bring any? Yeah.

Can I have one? What are you looking for? Oh, my assistant. You have one? Two. I have two assistants. How much do you pay them? Oh, my assistant. You have one? Two. I have two assistants. How much do you pay them? Each? Yeah.

I think my male assistant, I pay 10 grand a month. My female assistant, I pay her... Such a good actor. 70% of that, whatever that would be. Whatever that would be. So, seven grand a month. 10 grand feels expensive. 10 grand a month for my guy assistant seven grand for the female assistant because you know she's obviously worse right no she's much better

okay he works less than her she works significantly more yeah her output is higher yeah her intelligence level is higher her efficiency efficiency is higher. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't make the rules. Yeah, I know. Joe Biden does, dude. He keeps trying to get them, and he just doubles down. He's a good comic actor. He really is. He throws it away.

She's not trying to get them. She's playing along with the goof. Well. I've never seen someone blow up like that. Did you see the rumors? Yeah. Was she fucking Drake? Is that what ended her marriage?

That's like the rumor. Allegedly. Sorry, that was the big rumor. She's got nice gams. Well, he's got a huge hog, so. Santino? It's pretty great. Drake.

Got hot sauce all over it. She was sitting down on that golf course. Had to take a load off. Sitting on a donut. Why was this at a golf course? Did he just want to play golf? Yeah, they do it weird places. Bobby Lee and her did it playing tennis.

Oh. She does have a very slow sense of humor. It's pretty interesting. It's like a new style of just staring at each other a bunch. It's kind of like the new generation of Tim and Eric. Ah, I see. A little too Gen Z for me. I'm an old boomer queef.

I can't keep up. It's hot girl Tim and Eric. She was accused of being an industry plant. I'm an old boomer queef. I can't keep up. It's hot girl Tim and Eric. She was accused of being an industry plant. I don't know if you heard that. I heard that. Oh, she is a meeting plant. She blew up so quickly. They were like-

They propped her up. What is this? It's a pretty lazy conspiracy theory. Yeah. People are watching. I don't know. QAnon for Adult Swim, basically. It's a new version of Vibe.

How did she get these names? She did Glassman's podcast. They had that sense of humor and then just like, right, exactly. It was like, big. It's Drake. It was big and new. Just like everybody likes Huberman, everybody likes Lex Friedman. Everyone's like, oh, I'm getting invited to my wedding.

You didn't even know it existed four months ago. What the fuck are we talking about? He gets Elon Musk, he gets Tuckeron musk he gets stuck across it he gets rogan he gets all these giant names and he's just like an mit robot yeah but nice guy i did the pod he was nice good teacher really seems to care you did his pod it was fun it fun. Yeah. He just asked good questions. He's a smart dude. Oh, you autistic doffed. Yes, exactly. Exactly.

Both your own versions of autism. You had the most charming autism ever. Hey, I'll take it. He did make you seem fucking normal. That's what you got to do, I think. Yeah. Hang out with that dude. Exactly.

Compared to him him i was like uh you know he's your like he's your like if you're a seven chick and you hang out with a four socialization well what's fun is uh i he we did in a hotel in new york he was in town for some reason and the printer wasn't working in the lobby and i got to watch him yell at the the lady behind the desk and that was weird seeing him not be that robot guy. He was like, what the hell? The printer doesn't work? Get your shit together.

And some girl like, I don't know. And I wanted to be like, hey, that's the autistic guy. I wish they could have a hidden montage of people losing it on customer service. People who really can't help the situation, but they're being yelled at. Yeah, because you know what happens. I almost lost. Opening bit of my new hour, I fucking lost it on someone because I missed it

because they slammed the fucking door in my face on the Connect flight and I lost it and I felt the phones coming up and I had to get it under control. You don't want to go viral. It was the day my last special came out. You don't want to go viral

for a non-special reason. Right. Oh, for sure. You don't want to. I was like, fuck, I got to stop but she was so fucking rude yeah they all they love that door slam they they get off loved it i was yeah i was oh yeah just like sorry doors closed i'm like i'm gonna beat your fucking ass because i'd be in my seat by now

i'm thinking about it instead of please you're like I'm gonna fucking kill you yeah that would be our John Wick right now I would say yeah I'll go to jail for this yes you just hand him a note I have a gun if you don't open the door it's like at the time office your honor

I thought I might get the door open I realized this was the wrong way to go I did not have a gun she just hands a note to another person they're like alright, all right, come with us. You probably would. And you're like, to my seat? No, sir. You'd probably get on the plane if you did that, but then they would probably come get you.

Why is this plane taking off? Oh, I bet it's related to that gun. If you don't have a gun, I feel like then you're off, right? Because you lied. I lied. All I did was lie. I didn't have a gun. I just lied.

You can lie about having a gun all the time. That if you don't if you're not armed it's not that bad probably right true give me your money just the finger yeah it can't be that bad who wouldn't have you ever had a thing where you've had to like like hold a plane for somebody and i pretend to tie your shoes right there yeah yeah i yeah, yeah. I tried to do it once. I did Michael Moore's Comedy Festival. And, like, it was the worst relapse I've ever had. Bombing for Columbine? I had embarrassed myself the whole festival.

I had, like, asked Sinbad to buy me crack. It was, like, real. What? The whole thing was, like, this was in Traverse City, Michigan. And it was me, Tig Notaro, and Michael Moore. And I was on a bunch of, I had pneumonia in one lung, but I had to do these festivals. It was like the most I've ever gotten paid to do stand-up.

So I took all these benzos and had vodka on the flight. That makes sense. And Michael Moore was just like, he was like talking about how OJ didn't do it. He has all these other crazy conspiracies he'll never talk about wow uh no on an on an actual like documentary you know he's got always talking about health care and boring shit like that whoa i guess i i just had too much that whole weekend i just went like totally blotto and apparently i had asked him to buy me crack. And that's the face he made? Gotcha, bro.

Excuse me one second. How was the crack? He's sober, man. He's like... Yeah, I mean, he doesn't need any crack. Do you remember when Sinbad showed up at your after party? I was just blatantly being racist. I didn't know it was Sinbad. Sinbad just showed up at Norman's first specials after party

because I think he was just in the bar. Yeah. But he came and in the bar. Yeah. But he came and just hung out. He was super nice. Took photos with everybody. He's a nice guy. He's the man. Sinbad was great.

How does he respond to you asking him to buy crack? He was, I guess he was like, ah, it's all right, man. Like, luckily that weekend, Dave Foley, like, got really drunk and took his dick out on stage. So, like, that's all people talked about. They didn't talk about like... But it was real. It was so...

That whole weekend was so fucking embarrassing. Booze radio. Because I had to woke up the next day. And I was... Booze radio. Mark is a robot. He was scanning for the perfect pun there. Kids in the halls, a no-go.

Kids with the balls. Wow, good for Foley. He's had a tough divorce. Yeah, yeah. He was having fun. I thought if you take your dick out on stage enough times, people stop making a big deal of it. Well, you do balls, which is smart.

Yeah, you've done it all. Just the balls. I have a photo of that in my phone in case something happens to you. He was just in the new season of Fargo. He's great. Excellent. He killed it. Great.

Yeah, he was great in that. But anyway, we were running late for the plane, and Michael Moore, he know he's a big fat guy so he's like i i can't run there can you just hold it for me and i was like all right i'll try to hold it and this is like after i embarrassed myself all weekend and then i was like in the and then she's like sir we have to shut the door she's at the door and then i get like a text from michael moore going but i'm right outside the door and that was the last that was my last interaction with Michael Moore. Until like four months later, I asked him to tweet about my album, and he didn't respond. Hold the door for me.

Why was he putting on a comedy fest? I guess he was like to raise money for Flint or something. It was around there. It was in Traverse City. It was like the nice part of Michigan. It was not Flint. Where we were at was not Flint Traverse City was the that was the battleground for I think for um the racial Ferguson no no it's all like the racial education they're doing whatever it is CRT oh critical race theory yeah yeah yeah I think that was Traing bigger yeah started this was really well this was before that for sure i'm confused yeah there was some lady who uh they had some like slave auction

going on in high school they were auctioning off just online it wasn't real but online of like who who would get what money for who uh that seems like yeah and so they're all like no they're all like everybody found out they're like that's terrible we got to end this and they're like let's bring outside people and teach us how to be like not racist oh it's like whoa whoa what no let the teachers say don't do that yeah i believe it's called the nfl draft mock slave trade that'll be my wreck for the week is john ronson has a new series oh wow i think i might have sent you one of them on on cancel culture and the culture wars and how they started in america um and it's just really interesting and he canceled the indians yeah that's good

wait is it a youtube thing no it's it's a spotify oh shit he's awesome 30 minutes each i read that book but i didn't know he had a documentary series about it. He's done a lot of good books. At the end, it's like they came after me for that book because they said pornographic. Pornographic? I just didn't read it. Wait, what? Yeah.

What do you mean? It's just everything. Whenever they argue about something, that's not the whole story. You're a pornographic? No. John Ronson's So You Were Publicly Ashamed. Yes. It was one example of pornography in there.

Great book. Yeah, it was awesome. They were banning it from bookstores or whatever, from a college or a high school. I'll tell you one thing, though. You go to Barnes & Noble or you go to any- Okay, okay, buddy. Whoa.

Man, easy, big fella. You got to question the truth already. It's not about Traverse City. You go to the bookstore and it's like a whole table of banned books And they're like these are the banned books I'm like well they're right here Are they banned? These are the kids you can't fuck

You just made them hotter Show them your butts Why are they oiled in lube? What the hell? What happened with Winnie? Did she snap? Yes. We got to cheer her up. What happened with Winnie? Did she snap a little? She got mad.

I tried to pick her up. Oh, yeah. Oh, you can't pick her up. She's like Michael Moore. You can't pick her up. She's in much better shape than Michael Moore. But both of you got to feed a treat. Yeah.

You didn't tell me about how OJ didn't do it Oh yeah Easy Ari easy That's a blind eye right there Oh this is a real juice sandwich This will cheer her up she'll like you again If you keep giving her these Oh there you go Ari She's so cute She'll like you again if you keep giving her these. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy.

Oh, there you go, Ari. She's so cute. Okay. We could just watch people feeding dogs for like an hour. Yeah, do some nice ASMR right here. Listen to her chew. Get that mic in her face there. Yeah, chew.

Chew. Chew bird. Chews will not replace us. yeah chew chew bird chews will not replace us they had alt-right cbd dog treats she's in a better mood now there we go yeah you can't lift cute dog man she's a good dog beautiful dog yeah man saint pat do you guys do anything ever for saint patty's or what you know let's see fucking get drunk and throw up yeah the parade's on sunday really yeah yeah i think john stewart you said the best bit about that do you remember that bit where he said uh i may have said this on the pod before but he said

they don't allow gays to march in the St. Patrick's Day parade and you wouldn't want anything to mess with the dignity of that parade oh yeah that's a great fucking bit is that true? they wouldn't let gays in? I think the most St. Patty's Day you're going to get is like Penn Station

at 4pm it's just a bunch of animals so long island yeah because it's everybody's the one time people from hoboken visit new york city right uh all right some girl puking in a sparrow yeah that's so much puking it yeah i love how now they moved the track show amrak across the street, so all that's left is the garbage. Right. Now it's like, ugh. So Penn Station really is disgusting.

Disgusting. A lot of people's first version of New York. Yeah. Port Authority, though, it's way worse. Port Authority is worse because that's buses. The poor version of Penn Station. Yeah. It's actually poor authority. There you go. it's way worse. Port Authority is worse because that's buses. The poor version of Penn Station. Yeah, it's actually poor authority. There you go.

It's poor authority. You ever go to the bathroom in the Penn Station underground? Oh, my. Just to meet men. Yeah, it is bananas down there. It's the saddest hookup in that bathroom of all time. Yeah, that's where COVID started. I have turned around in that. Like, bathroom, like, I in that bathroom. Yeah, that's where COVID started. I have turned around in that bathroom.

I'll hold it. Yeah, yeah. You see a hobo cleaning up in the sink. You're like, why clean? I'll just shit on the bus. I've definitely, as a young comic, we've all had diarrhea in that bathroom. Oh, man. Hangover diarrhea, and there's a dude shaving.

You're looking at him, he's shaving. This is a sad scene. Me and DeRosa got, I think you were there. We got drunk and went to the KFC, because it was the only one open. It was in Penn Station. So we're eating KFC at 4 in the morning in Penn Station with DeRosa, and it was a real low point. I kept getting sadder. DeRosa has never stopped going to KFC.

No. He's still, that's not even, he's still like when he's drunk, he's like, I gotta go somewhere. Yeah. And it's there. We had that whole bit where like they kept giving him biscuits and shit. Oh yeah, that's right. Funny bit. If you see him shirtless, you're like, yep.

He hides it well. It's about to start. There it is. He's got one of those medieval like gurney things on. Keeps it all together. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's a dough's a doughy doughy egyptian i was uh at a pool party with uh with darosa and i came out and he's like stop why are you doing that and i was like what he goes stop stop doing that and i was like i don't know

what you're talking what are you talking about stop holding your stomach in and i'm like oh buddy oh no you're just fat i'm not well he's moved on to trans women because the real women are not doing it he's a charming guy though i've seen him working on women where i'm like these are pretty good lines he's very he's very charismatic quite a list lines like interesting yeah he's skilled he is he's adopted you. You got to be charming. You have to work for it. Yeah. You have to keep the new parents around.

Yes, exactly. When was he adopted? What age was he adopted at? I don't know, like 17. No, I think like really two. He calls them mom and dad. It's real sad. You ever heard his bit about it?

No. You ever try to meet your real parents? No, I took the hint actually That's a great fucking bit That is great That's a great DeRosa bit I wish he was still doing stand up He goes on the road

Nah I'm just kidding He's great He's a killer I love Joe And check out his bar Joey Rose's Joey Rose's Good place to drink

Especially when he locks the door Yes He locks it in Every place is a good place to drink When they lock it locks the door. Yes. He locks it in. Every place is a good place to drink when they lock the door. Oh, yeah. True. Unless you're a woman at that bar. Lock the door.

Like, God damn it. Is that it? Now you just can't leave. Yeah, that's it. Oh, look at that guy. He's turned on. He's got locked the door eyes. He's doing the blowjob sign, right?

Yeah. Or he's doing a vape. It's tough to tell. Yeah. I think he might be doing the blowjob sign of this chick fucking hog in a fucking sandwich i know fucking l king is swallowing this thing it's emo rebel wilson yeah well yeah the sandwiches are good but they're i don't i get annoyed with this like voodoo donuts where they're like we put fruit loops on it aren't we crazy i'm like give me a fucking donut sandwich yeah yeah

or a sandwich i will tell you that you have like a maple bacon donut those are fucking crazy as long as they don't need a whole fucking giant piece of bacon on top of it just make i agree yes i agree i don't have to be still you can't get it in your mouth i enjoy it to me it's like a comic who's too dirty where you're like, all right, we've lost track of the bit here. It's the same with this. These are the Bobby Slaytons of donuts. I went to eat a donut in Portland.

Remember Bridgetown Comedy Festival? Sure. Free festival, but they treated you well. All the paps you could drink, all the donuts you could eat. And I went into Voodoo Donuts. I was like, hey, can I get a T-shirt? And the chick probably kind of looked at me. She goes, it's like hey can i get a can i get a t-shirt and the chick by the kind of looked at me she goes it's like all the way upstairs and then just stared and i was like okay i guess i

won't okay i guess i won't buy it wow she's like turning you into one republican at the time all right by the way this is how low our self-esteem is as a comic art is like it's no money but they treat you really well. They give you free PBR. Free the worst beer. I did hear that was an awesome fest, though. I did it like five times. Wasn't that Matt Brommer? I did it like twice, I think.

He's from there. I don't know if he did it. I think he started to run it. Oh, did he? Okay. Yeah, he's cool. Good guy. Good guy.

But yeah, it was just a big party. The shows were half full. We, I don't know if you were there. I didn't know many of you guys there. We took a turn. The streets, the East West streets blended in with the train tracks. And we took a turn. We're like, we can drive on the train tracks and cut across.

And then the street part just went down. Oh no. And we were just driving and then just skidding on tracks Wow And they're like what the fuck we called other guys who were on the corner We're like we gotta get this fuck. I forget about this. We gotta get this car off the train tracks like We'll do it tomorrow. I'm like no no guys There's a train This isn't like we can this isn't illegally parked there's a train gonna come

And so we all try to lift it off and we're like like, what are we doing? I'm like, all right, whoever's driving, I forget who it was, was drunk. So I'm like, we're not driving. Let's find a driver in here for you. And then we got to call 911. Really? Yeah. Oh, my God. And we got the call.

And then they were like, yeah, this is pretty. Was the guy drunk? And we're like, no. And the guy was like, loud and clear. Yeah. I know what you're saying and clear yeah whatever let's just tow this thing off they called amtrak to like don't you know divert damn holy it wasn't pushable we all tried no we all tried to lift up this car uh billy way davis was there i think we're all

trying to fucking lift this oh is it bottomed out yeah so it was just skidding along the tracks. You could have prevented the Holocaust. Nobody wanted this. Next hot tub time machine movie. Mine comp, your comp. Come on. Rated PG-13. That was a fun fest because you're like, I'm on a lineup with Maria Bamford. This is insane.

Remember when we did that, Mark and I, we did Vancouver Fest and Maria Bamford was one of the big names and we all just went to watch her one night and we're like, fuck, she's amazing. She's so fun. I think we went out to dinner and got that photo. Yeah, we got that photo with the whole crew. That festival actually was

kind of how I started This Is Not Happening. I saw Jay Larson doing that bit about the crank calls yes great bit went viral yeah and i remember going like this is the new musical closer there's stories interesting and then it was like we gotta do more of these that that watching him do that at like the aladdin or one of those places the baghdad one of those places see in the early days of that show was really it was really kind of rock and roll i would see that you do it at montreal and like yeah late night that upstairs room the cobra whatever i can't remember the name

of it but uh yeah that was super fun oh what a pro wow i can feel my fucking gums watering. Do you want a beer or something? I was about to get some regular whiskey and say it was that. Can we get James a beer? No pressure. If you like whiskey, you should really try this. You're waving this in front of Dan like a kid in front of a pedo.

I can't even. I had a beer, so I can't even have it. Go ahead. Just don't use the phone you used on that girl. There you go. How did you pull that off there, Peter? This shit's awesome. Was that Postmates or an intern?

Or Drizzly? Drizzly went out of business. In about 15 minutes, we're going to hear what Ari really thinks of us. Pull it up. Did Drizzly really go out of business? Pull up Drizzly. I think Drizzly's out. I ordered them like a month ago.

It's a great idea. You'd think that would be like the new Uber. Drizzly? I used to use it all the time. Really? Yeah. There you go. Can I stop for one second and say that Dan St. Germain has a new special out right now?

Hey. You better believe it. Dance Fatty Dance. Dance Fatty Dance. Right now, Dan is one of the most underrated comics in New York. Oh, thank you, Ray. Dan's a great comic. He's been a great comic for so long. Yeah. Comment on his right now. Dan is one of the most underrated comics in New York. Oh, thank you, Ray. And Dan's a great comic. He's been a great comic

for so long. Yeah, crush. Comment on his specials. Don't just watch it. Go to that YouTube channel and leave a fucking comment. I think the people are learning now

for these YouTube specials. Yes. Donate if you can, a few bucks, but also do whatever you can to help it along. Yeah, like it, comment it, share it.

Thank you, guys. Appreciate it. Thank you. Hell yeah. Dance Fatty Dan, share it. Thank you, guys. Appreciate it. Thank you. Hell, yeah. Dance Fatty Dan, great title. Dance Fatty Dan. Yeah, I called Stabby, and I was like, I don't want to get in a fat rascal. We had, like, a fat comic convention, you know, like a tribunal.

I was fat. Well, I was fat before you. I was fat before you. He's like, oh, it's all right, man. You stole how fat I got. You stole cheese steaks from me. Ari and I had the best Stavvy fat moment at Norman's wedding. No, that's a great one.

I've tried to retell the story, and I don't do it. We just ended up at, me, Ari, Stav, we're like, you know, getting sauce, going from your bar to, like, casino, playing blackjack. We're loaded. It was so good because there was nothing to do so it's like let's just keep going that's new orleans you can go all night the best and we end up at a stavs like we got to go to this gas station they have great uh po boys yeah me and sam looked at each other like i mean i go yeah what the hell you gotta trust stavi with

food right so we go there and it's like you know great food fried crab legs all this shit some guy walked in and he pointed all of us he goes I know you guys so we were placing at that but we're stuffing our face when we bring it back to the hotel lobby we're fucking pigging out and I was like man this is like this is fried oysters it's just so heavy I was like man imagine eating this shit uh even this shit sober and Henry and I were laughing. And Stav goes, I haven't had one drink. Oh, that's sunken-eyed Sam. Yeah, that's great shadow on you guys.

That's all fucking lit up Sammy. I like it. I had a few of them. Yeah, Mark. You look classic. Normally, that smoking jacket, that makes me think of that Curb episode where Larry and Hugh Hefner.

That's such a badass smoker's jacket. Velvet yeah salak is taking some good pictures i forgot about that that house that you rented yeah yeah he was like oh good good wallpaper get in front hey you go over there oh yeah you got everybody that night yeah it was a great night smoking cigars the day before with list outside that place yeah you just had your camera working what a weekend what a magical weekend what a great you flew in on like an hour sleep you left sandler to come here no no i went to sandler from your thing i went to the gig and it was like one of those weird new orleans flights suck so i was like to get to jacksonville from new orleans i had to take like two flights and i'm like it's like an hour we get to like saint augustine i was like it was it was a long day

but i fucking made it jacksonville is fucking terrible. That's a tough town. St. Augustine, it was an amphitheater. Beautiful. Really? Outdoor gigs can be so fucking fun if the, you know, if everything's right. Everything's gotta be right. Santa Horses has a song called St. Augustine. Mmm.

Ha ha ha! You pulled a Norman. I love Florida don't forget about Dan's new special no truly watch that special every bomb I do from now on I'm gonna go back to Dan's special yeah I have a Povlovian response to it

and you're taping a new special aren't you? I'm taping April 26th, 27th in Washington D.C. get tickets on your own your last special was fucking phenomenal thanks buddy is there a theme this time? Washington, D.C. Get tickets right now. Breakdown. Your last special was fucking phenomenal. Thanks, buddy. Yeah, and it was niche, and it still hit. Is there a theme this time, or is it just- Sort of.

Get off the news. Stop fucking watching all that shit. Just be happy. There you go. Get off your phone. Don't watch any comedy specials. You heard Ari, guys. Get off that.

No, that's cool. Are you doing that room, the one outside of D.C.? Inside D.C. Capital Turnaround. Oh, okay, okay. I want to go there because a lot of the message is about how dumb politics is in general. Good point. I want to bring that to D.C. I love it.

Hell yeah. So your last one had an overarching theme. Is this one more understated? I just said that. Oh, really? Jesus fucking Christ. Fuck. Thanks for nothing. So you got a special coming out. Dance, fatty, dance, yeah. Please check it out. Are you got a special coming out. Dance Fatty Dance, yeah. Please check it out.

Are you hitting the road again now after this? I'm open, guys. Michael Moore? Call me back. Doesn't even have to be stand-up. You got a shed cleaned out? I didn't even touch it. We've never had Winnie attack. She's like, we're not getting tickets to dance. Are you touching her hip or something? What are you doing? Yeah, don't do that.

She doesn't like that. Yeah, be gentle. She's an old bird. She also does the thing that a lot of dogs do where they pretend like they're going to, but it's like, I'm going to punch her. I'm like, yeah, I know. It's like, there is no action, but she's got two teeth left. She's not going to bite you, but she's 17.

She's very, she's a rescue, right? I mean, yeah. Look, she got one eye. What do you think? She came out of the fucking womb like this? No, it's my girlfriend's dog. It looks like Liz's dog. Liz is just bigger.

Liz has got a fatter face. Liz looks more like that dog. Liz has a fatter face? No, her dog. Wait, that's not Winnie? That's Cutter. No. That looks like Liz's dog.

That's Gizmo. Yeah, Gizmo. Have they met? They haven't. Pugs are fucking cool dogs, man. I love Kizmo. Have they met? They haven't. Oh. Pugs are fucking cool dogs, man. I love pugs, man. We have three dogs at home.

You have three dogs? Pigeon. Three dogs. No kids. Three dogs. Nice. Toy Cup, T-Multipoo, Chihuahua Whippet Mix, and a Terrier Mix. Chihuahua Whippet.

Yeah. Angry Speed. Yeah, she's like, I guess she's traumatized, though. She doesn't walk that much. A lot of sad moments on this week's pod. Well, she doesn't run that much anymore. I don't know. I mean, look at her.

She barely fucking moves. She attacked me the other night. My girlfriend's sleeping, so I'm like, oh, she'll want to wake up with the dog in the bed. So I'm trying to bring her into the bed. She attacks me. Then I'm like, Jesus Christ. She attacks me again. So then I have to get a fucking blanket to wrap her in.

She's trying to bite me the whole time. Jesus. But she got to wake up next to the... She's got a temper, this little dog. Yeah. She's got dementia. She's old. She can't puncture, though, with those teeth, right?

Are you kidding? She fucking... No, she can't hurt. Oh. But it's cute when she snaps. It does. Why, I don't know. Is she...

Yeah. She's an old bird. Damn. Is she respectful about when you guys make love, she doesn't jump on the bed or anything no But you want her in the fucking room And then they put her in the corner, and we just see her cuz she hates her being alone So you see her in the corner? She does this she does this shit looking away? Look back, and I'm like Jesus. I'm like fucking your mom in the ass here come on

That's how she lost the eye Oh fuck Like every shitty teen comedy Oh fuck It came in her It's a great farmer's dog commercial Alpo Man I was watching Not Another Teen movie

On TV the other day That movie's really funny Great fucking gag That's really funny Great gags in that movie Yeah pretty non-stop Dude pull up the dump On the chest scene

Wait what? You got Vince McMahon? She's hot too Great gags in that movie. Yeah, pretty nonstop. Dude, pull up the dump on the chest scene. Wait, what? You got Vince McMahon? She's hot, too. Goddamn, pal. I'm still working with him. Oh, sorry. That's the one income coming in. I thought he was in jail.

No, he's not allowed around the facility anymore. Yeah, that's it right there. Dude, who was this actress? She was smoking. She was hot. Is that Paul Dano? No. No, but it looks like him. Dude, it looks like him. Oh, that's it right there. Dude, she was... Who was this actress? She was smoking. She was hot. Is that Paul Dano? No. No, but it looks like him.

Dude, it looks like him. Oh, she's super hot. Sam Huntington. Oh, this is like a Cruel Intentions rip. I thought I'd hear myself say this, but... For once, I wish I could meet

a nice, sensitive guy. He knows what's coming. I wanted more than just sex. That is very admirable. For once, I wish a guy would take me out for dinner. I feel the same way. And for once, I wish a guy would take a dump on my chest.

That is appalling. That really upsets me. I can't believe nobody's ever taken a dump on your chest. Ah! I love a turn. will you be that guy that kid's killing it he's a good actor i'll be an honor it's so fucking commitment man yeah you commit i don't know if i could do that could you do a jump take a dump on someone's chest i couldn't do it we're too hairy if i'm not related to them i don't know yeah if they were too old it'd be a problem uh that would be a tough one i mean it'd be real

hard that'd be at the end of the relationship they'd be like hey you'll never see me again yeah that's you know what they told us in jewish school hitler could only get hard if you came on Like, hey, you'll never see me again. Yeah. You know what they told us in Jewish school? Hitler could only get hard if you take a dump on his chest. Really? I thought they called that the Hitler. Yeah, and then we were like, yeah, it makes sense.

What a horrible thing to say about that guy. We spread mean gossip about him to get back. Yeah, exactly. We'll be catty. You can kill six million Jews, but we're going to say some really fucked up shit about your kinks for the rest of it. I like the guy who's like, that's kink shaming. You know, like they got mad at Biden for calling the guy illegal, but the guy killed a lady. Which guy called illegal? Biden called a migrant illegal, and he got in a ton of trouble

but the guy killed a chick was he illegal yes yeah what do you mean but you're like why don't we met why aren't we mad at him for killing a gal they say call migrants not illegal because illegal point uh puts them in a position of looking you know like they broke the law which they did it's like it's like the yes yes illegal they're just all americans to me guys well it's like the self-help guy who's like, there's over this many people starving in the world and none of you give a fuck about it. And they're like, and he's like, and more you just got upset about the word fuck than the people starving.

That's like his little tactic. Gotcha. I remember when Chappelle got attacked at the Hollywood Bowl and he made the joke about a knife. We were like, he made a joke, another trans joke. They got attacked. I don't know. A guy had a knife.

Yeah. Was he an illegal? No, I think he was here. He was here. Good. He was here. Getting jobs back in this country. Yeah.

Now he's in jail for killing somebody. He got attacked by Americans. He killed somebody? Yeah. Yeah. They figured out he killed a guy. Oh, wow. When all the Italians were here and the Irish were coming in like,

these fucking pieces of shit, keep these Irish out. And they came in and now those Irish are like, keep these Mexicans out. Oh, yeah. Cubans are the worst with that. Cubans are like, fucking get all these people out of here. Your raft is still wet. The whole culture is based on a sandwich. It's a good sandwich.

Have you had a good Cuban, man? Pickle on a sandwich, underrated move. Yeah. The French bread, it's great. I love it. It's all right. You're good. It's all right, Winnow.

Easy, Winchester. Attack? We're going to get a super cut of Ari just getting attacked by Winnie. Yeah, you got to put in the MGM lion sound over it. She loves Shane, I got to say. She did. Shane won her over. Yeah, because she's like, we're about the same body type.

You guys are the same age. Fuck both of you. Dan, Sam, you're cool. Guinness, underrated. Underrated. And also, you've heard the less calories thing, right? I have. What the fuck?

It doesn't make any sense. What's less calories than a white beer? Budweiser. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. It's full of than like a light beer? Budweiser. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. It's full of nutrients and vitamins. Look at that.

It looks like sand going through an hourglass at the bottom. Dude, Colin Turrell, noted Irish pedophile, told me that you can really tell when you see it all flowing down. He really is like every Ironman has its own best discussion on who has the best Guinness. It's always down between two bars, and they're like, it's this bar, it's this bar. Everyone else, they all agree, no. But it's that flow down. The thing is really tell you.

We were discussing that in Pittsburgh at a sports bar, and he goes, in a place like this, there's zero chance I would ever get a Guinness. No way. Right then, Nate Marshall came over and goes, I got you guys Guinnesses. And he was like, oh. I did a week in Dublin.

I drank, I don't know, know 10 a day because it's just fun they're right there it's like little milkshakes yeah delicious wow 125 guinness is 125 calories 145 wow that's 20 percent more this is thick yeah yeah guinness is fucking good man i i don't mind a guness at a New York bar, though. No, I don't either. It's great. It's still pretty good. There's no...

Nobody turns down a Guinness. I might turn down an IPA, but if somebody... You don't like an IPA? I don't either. It's rotten. I just... I don't think I get them. I don't think I'm a sophisticated beer drinker.

They get you drunk fast. No, I'll tell you what it is. What? It was an additive made to get it over from fucking India. And then suddenly these fucking dumb cunts who do the Edinburgh Festival in England are like, actually, I like the additive. Yeah. And so they're like, that's the taste they like. And it's become this masculine thing. Like, give me an IPA because they're like 13% or whatever the fuck.

But they're full of fruit and flavors. It's like drinking a loaf of bread. It is. Yeah. It's too much a loaf of bread. It is, yeah. It's too much. Just give me a Negro Modelo. Yeah. I'd rather drink an Indian Pale Lady. All right. Hey, check out that Dan. Dance,

Fanny, dance. 800-Pack-A-Roll. It'll be on Mark's site at some point. That would have been a great time for Winnie to attack you right there. I don't even know if I get it. you right there. Male lady. I don't even know if I get it. Oh, man. All right. I don't know.

Can't revisit it. No looking back. Onward. Yeah. We're moving forward here. God damn. You're not getting it. It's probably why no one left.

Okay. I laughed. Oh, it didn't make much sense. All right. All right. Throwing shit out. Yeah, man. How about you? You hitting the road hard yeah i'm going from fucking doing a bus tour from savannah to toronto holy

column torell actually noted irish uh pedophile column torell it's just at his place fucking kids actually yeah he's been caught fucking many kids but they let him off from that accent and uh or neil's coming and then um the leprechauns they look like children yeah i'm getting ready for that special starting a new podcast too whoa yeah i did it all three of you guys did it it's all really fun you're on the second episode i am i don't know australia it's a you be tripping pod on youtube yeah hey that's right right now you talked about crocodile it was fun it was fun. Starting today. All right.

Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute. You've got a lot going on. Remember when we tried to get a Protect Our Parks going, and you're like, I'm in Spain, I'm in Israel, I'm in Gaza. I'm doing it the day before I go on the bus tour. What's that? I'm trying to fit it in the day before I go on the bus tour.

You're doing the bus tour through Gaza? Through Gaza, yeah. That's cool, man. Yeah, well, we put some bars on the windows for those. There'll be some bombs. Yeah, I've been planning this fucking podcast for like a year and a half. It's finally coming out. How many days are you going to be on the bus? 25, something like that.

Straight? Yeah. So you rented the bus, right? You're not obviously doing a Greyhound or something. Yeah. I'm going to be in Memphis the same day as Mark Norman, across town, both selling terribly. Yeah, Memphis. Not a good comedy set.

I'm in Graceland in the cafeteria. Not a good fucking room. I got the guarantee pretty much locked in there. What about, do you do hotel at all you're just going straight well i'll do like if there's any like weekdays i'll do like comedy clubs monday tuesday wednesday yeah so if they got like nashville i'm there on a tuesday condo too late condo for sure we're all sleeping in beds and then i'll do like every other day if it's like monday tuesday wednesday the tuesday we'll get a hotel room just a shower nice. Nice. You know, just to flip that up.

Are you going to get the Xbox or the PS? Someone will bring an Xbox. I'm not that guy. You're not going to review the game, man? We watch Ice Road Truckers. Me, Renazisi, and O'Neal last time, we just got hella into Ice Road Truckers. Really? It was just on.

You know when something's on? You're like, hey, guys, let's get back to the bus. Get that Ice Road Truckers on. I had that with Pawn Stars. I was hooked on Pawn Stars. Oh, my God. Really had that with Pawn Stars. I was hooked on Pawn Stars. Oh, my God. Really? I love Pawn Stars. Those guys keep dying.

I know. Every week there's a new dead one. Yeah. I'm like that with Guy Fieri's show on Food Network. D.D.D. Just watching. He's just eating sandwiches and being like, this is great. He's making people's dreams.

It makes me happy. There's got to be a couple where he's like, God, that's great. Some of that shit looks rough I bet at minimum he's just like it's just a sandwich yeah they can all be amazing dude he called into a Sal and DeRosa live taste buds live taste buds

they were doing like a pay per view or something like that he called in and me and DeStefano I think were the guests and he was just bad he couldn't get his connection and we just started shitting on him. And Sal's like, come on, come on, man. He's a friend. And we're like, that's just, you know, it's no comic.

That's just like, no, we're going to go home. Fuck Fieri. Fuck. Oh, there you go. He signed it for you guys? It looks like something he would wear. Yeah. Matt, you rock.

He didn't even know his whole name. It's just GF. There you go. That's all I name. It's just GF. There you go. That's all I deserve. That's from your girlfriend. That's... It's Santo Blanco tequila. Ooh.

We're very close to getting Bodega Cat in bars in New York. Really? Look the fuck out, guys. Bodega Cat whiskey. You got to start it in Joe's bar. And the cellar. You got to start it in those. We'll get it there.

I mean, honestly, just bring three bottles over to Joe's bar he doesn't that legal I buy any rules like Hedberg's a mama wanna from from Dominican Republic no what's mama scared she was sleeping your story Ari it story ari it's not my fault it's like live with a nom pad mama juana's like wine honey some some uh rum uh some all these twigs anise it's the dominican republic uh drinks i brought them back for joe's bar for the dominicans okay yeah they love it dominicans can they say the say the N-word or not? They can. Okay. How dark of a Dominican are we talking about? Yeah, I guess so. Well, anyway, this is a good conversation for white people to be having, I think. We're the ones who should decide this, I think.

That felt like a rehab moment. How dark a Dominican are we talking about? I feel like you're coming out of rehab. You got one last score in you. I feel like you're coming out of rehab. You got one last score in you. All right. I just want the dog to be okay.

I feel like she's getting uncomfortable. What's that on her back? What is it? Ian Finance. It's the bow tie. Oh, the string. That might be the problem. Okay.

She hates the Irish. I got it off for you, buddy. Can you get in her in her bag there's another treat can you yes there you go in in the little it's in the doggy bag right there no there's a lot of noises a lot of sounds i get it okay she's in a bad fucking mood today yeah she doesn't like jews no no you can't blame her. She's an open-air slavery. Here we go. There you go. James Webb, everybody. James Webb. Directed both our specials.

Yes. Just directed my new one. And Chris D. in a week. Damn. You're ripped for a comedy director. Yeah, that's true. It's pretty annoying. We'll be at dinner. We're getting drunk.

And he's like, all right, I'm going to go to the gym. I'm like, you want to go to the hotel gym after we got drunk? He's like, yeah, they're calories. I'm like, if you say so. The kid's getting ready for a fucking Marvel movie over there tomorrow. Yeah, right? Yeah, I'm not a big. He's a two-a-day guy.

Two-a-day? Two gyms? Whoa. God damn, dude. You want to, oh, man. Shit, I feel like we've got to get you drunk. Hard to believe it. I haven't been to the gym

lately are you going to the gym? we have a treadmill in our house but there you go I don't use it yet you live in the most walkable city in the world I know we have a car now we were taking advantage of none of New York

what fucking flavor is this? Pickle. Oh, yeah, that's about right. What the fuck? The pickle candy? What the fuck? I got no warning on that. I was like, this is fucking...

I've never seen a Jew complain about a pickle. Parsley? Cut that out. It's going to hurt your street cred dude alright she's being a little nicer now there we go she's an angry bird man yep

you said that very beat Nicky angry bird man yeah you're right Flanders what was that Flanders in the mental institution episode. Do you remember that? Oh, man. It's been a minute.

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slash drunk code drunk get on it we might be drunk is brought to you by manscaped before you get too wasted on green beer today and you're gonna want to want to groom. Uh-oh, here we go. Your little leprechaun right down there. In case you get lucky, he might show us his balls right here. They're going to hurt all of the... Oh, come on. Does that help or hurt? That is hairy, yeah. Manscaped has you covered with everything you need to shape up.

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I think it's called, you know? No. I'm going to check it out for sure. I will check that out. It's eight episodes. Easy 30-minute episodes. They're all really interesting. He's awesome.

I'm a fan. Really good writing. Good writer. Takes both sides without really taking a side. We used to call that journalism. Things of our art. You sounded like the beginning of a newsroom episode. We used to call that journalism.

Hey, check out Tits Fanny Tits. Back check that. I like that he can just fart. He has to like levitate as he farts it's like a Simpsons episode it raises me up the fart like you're in Neo and the Matrix now

I'm like have you seen the what's the guy's name did we talk about this already the guy who who sang that that Asian guy with the song

go ahead William Hong one hit wonder William Hong William Hong not William Hong no no it was the most viral song of all time oh Gangnam Style the song go ahead and name one hit wonder william hong or something william hong not william hong no no it was the most viral song of all time oh gangham style oh have you seen that guy get on stage not a one-hit wonder he's not he's massive pull up his intro when you can oh my god it's why it's better than akasha's why oh i didn't see his what You didn't see the opening?

No. Pull-up Gangnam Style guy. The way he gets on the stage is the coolest thing ever. That's got to be it. Look at that. Whoa. The bottom. You got to see the whole thing. It's like a moonwalk.

Oh, it's more than a moonwalk. Yeah, I'm looking for it. It's high. It's a moonwalk. There it is. There it is. That's the one. This is him getting ready. Look how pumped and am There it is. There it is. That's the one. This is him getting ready.

Look how pumped and amped he is. Holy shit. Oh my God. Dude, that's fucking awesome. That is cool. That also would be a great death if the top didn't open. You're smushed.

Yeah. Be an awesome way for a baby to be born oh yeah that great gender reveal absolutely he just does he just does a hand he's like go and then he does the kicking it too so it's like oh that's how he trains for that that's not a one-hit wonder right there look at that crap one hit one that's a fucking stadium oh my god hold on i mean they are forced to go there by them but it's one of three songs they're allowed to listen to now calisthenics and oh man yeah that dude he rolled that fucking sake, whatever it was, on his forehead.

I didn't see that. What? Was that in Gangnam Style? Yeah. Like, he rolled the fucking sake in your forehead and then do the shots? What? We got to do that here. Yeah.

I've never seen that. Is he Korean or is he something else? He's Korean. Korean, yeah. Koreans are the best Asians. Easy. What the fuck? What is this?

You look up sakecky Forehead sign. You wrote Socky Forehead. Did I? We're at Salakoo's Pornhub queue right now. Socky. These forehead shots, Korean. Any peeves? Stand by. Oh yeah, I had a peeve. Shit, I lost it.

Did you guys keep doing these peeves or did you stop for a while? I think now we mix it up. People like peeves. If we're still doing recommendations about octopus murders on Netflix. It's great. Is the guy who had my octopus friend turned against him? It's the darkest

Pixar movie ever. It's about this journalist who they said committed suicide but he clearly was murdered for exposing this conspiracy. Let me guess, Russian? It's four part. No, it's about this journalist who, you know, they said commit suicide, but he clearly was murdered for exposing this conspiracy. Whoa. Let me guess, Russian? It's four part.

No, it's American. Oh, wow. Died in 91. We get our murders. It's for real, bro. I'm in. Check it out. It's definitely, this is like a, this is a great pairing with Bodega Cat Whiskey.

Yeah. This documentary. Is this up there with the Boeing? You see the Boeing guy? Yeah. This documentary. Is this up there with the Boeing? You see the Boeing guy? Yeah. This is darker than that. Oh. For sure.

This is very dark. All right. Yeah. Why is it called Octopus? Because it's the eight heads of state we're controlling. It's like Iran-Contra, the hostage scandal. It kind of connects everything. kind of like the pelican brief But real like this guy yeah came up with this theory and I look at the last ten

They're in a fucking fourth place right now only two and a half behind the Coming together Moss attack Zion is back in Looks in shape to it's in shape. It's a could be scary. He looks in shape, dude. He looks in shape. It could be scary. He's eating those 4 a.m. Let's get Alvarado in the mix.

Don't forget about him. There you go. Are they really doing well? They're good. I gave up on them years ago. No, you're a Knicks fan now. I converted you. Oh, there you go.

I'm a Rangers fan now. I've been converted to that with those free fucking tickets. You get those free tickets, sit close enough, you're like, fuck the Caps. The Rangers are cool this year, man. They're fucking loaded. How are the Rangers doing this year? They're doing well. Igor's the best goalie

in the league. I took my nephew, both of my nephews from their bar mitzvah, and I took the second one. I was like, who's your favorite player? And he was like,

this was like six, seven years ago. He goes, they traded him. I was like, who's your second favorite player? He goes, they traded him.

I'm like, well, they're rebuilding. I'm like, who's your favorite now player he goes they traded him i'm like when they're rebuilding i'm like who's your favorite now he goes i guess it's a dinner judd he's a been a shot sick yeah he's sick but then it's like all those trades worked they're back now i know first in the fucking he came to the cellar one night and hung with us he was no way yeah i i chocula yeah we uh we we poured back shots we had a good night very cool guy yeah you've uh you've gotten a party with some pretty fucking amazing athletes. That was a funny lead in. It did become a different show when I said that. We had a good night.

What is time? Please. Please. You're working out for the first time. You know this. Maybe you know this. Mark, you always work out. I know.

You're like, I'm going to fucking start working out. out and one guy let's call him whatever bo logan will come up to you and be like you're not doing it right oh you're only doing arms oh you're not doing it right they're working out for the first time in a fucking decade and you're negging them let him fucking work out great treadmill stop great that's great you're doing it. Unsolicited is not okay. Unsolicited. Not like, what should I be doing? Yeah, they just come at you with, you're doing it wrong.

Like, great. Okay, well, I'll go back to cheesesteaks then. Unless it's something that might injure them, I think, don't intervene. Sure, sure. All this bad form. What about leg day? Get out of my face. I'm working out here. You get the people also now at the gym who will like

they'll set up the phone on the tripod and now you're just you're doing your shitty workout while they're doing their fucking world record oh yeah you know they're like look at this sissy boy they on my tiktok they should have yonder bags at the gym they should have yonder bags there should be a lot of places in life where they're like no not allowed here yeah in every bathroom there's a line get out use your phone outside oh there's a line and i don't want to knock but i'm like you've been in there quite a while for a piss yeah you're just looking you're scrolling while shitting yeah some hot chicks in there sometimes you gotta rub one out what's uh what gym do you guys go to another

pet peeve is this that was the gayest question of all time i I'll see you at Equinox. What's that? You guys want to steam? Yeah. You guys go too. Oh, Joey Swole? Oh, he's the best. He cracks down on crime. Yeah, he's a gym police. Yeah.

Gym positivity nation. Oh, yeah. He got all the girls calling out the guys for looking at him. That was all him. That was cool. Yeah. What? He did what? You know, girls would be like, he was lur. That was all him. That was cool. Yeah. Yeah. What? He did what?

You know, girls would be like, he was lurking at me in the gym or leering at me. And then he's like, no, no, you just set that up. Then you wanted to get clicks, so you faked that. Whatever. Oh, really? He calls them all out. He's barely literate. He's barely literate.

Well, he's on next week. Was he? No. Sorry. I got a peeve. All right. Ball busters who can't take it back. Fuck he? No. Sorry. I got a peeve. All right. Ballbusters who can't take it back. Fuck yeah, man.

It drives me nuts. It drives me nuts. I ballbusted me for weeks. I didn't say shit. They weren't good ballbusters either, but you just roll with it. You're like, all right, whatever. But they were just bad, and I finally made a joke about the guy's hair. It was pretty light.

And he goes, something wrong with my hair? I'm like, no, you've been shitting on me for two months. I know. I was just trying to be fun. Was it a hairline? No, he had good hair. Oh, OK. I said he had 90s 90210 leading man hair.

Hey, fuck you, man. That's good hair. What's that supposed to mean? That's good hair. He was like, what's your problem, man? Oh, get out of here. I don't like it. A ball bust's fine, even if it's not great. you gotta be able to take it you gotta be able to laugh it off no and what's better than when you bust someone's balls and they just start dying laughing that's great got me

thing great moment it's so good all right i feel good i gotta pee but now now we're getting off topic here but you ever have the guy who learned a new move, and he wants to show you the MMA move, and he's trying to fucking break your neck, and you're like, I'll do it, but you can't. Luis Gomez? Yeah, you can't body slam me. Let me show you. Just tell me about it. Just tell me about it.

His son's watching. The more tone we're due, the less veiled these thieves are going to get. Tell them we're due. It's for honest. It was Fortune Feim Tell them or do. It's for honest. It was Fortune Feimster, but still. It hurt like hell. I bet she could

throw down. Oh my God. God damn. Piled drive by her. Fucking gives you like a Goldberg spear into the fucking wall. Fortune,

one of the few gays in comedy who has never gotten involved in any sort of gender politics, anything else. She's just like, I'm just happy to be here.

Just a good comic. I ain't getting angry at anybody. How you doing? It's always, how are you? Always positive. You know why? I've thought about this. Southern. Southern. Southern. She's got no time for that shit. She's being Southern. Before she was doing well, during when she was doing well,

always just fucking... She's just a killer, man. She's just a comic. She's just a killer. During when she was doing well. Always. Well, she's just a killer, man. She's just a comic. You know? She's just a killer. Where is she from? Carolina's one of those, I want to say. Yeah, Carolina's or Georgia's. I think she's got a wife now, but she probably crushes it. She probably used to crush it. No, that's a G.

Women have husbands. Hold on. Yeah, where's she from? I'm picking it up. Hold on. What do you think, Mark? I'm going to say Mississippi. I'm going one of the Carolinas.

Carolina's or Georgia? Georgia. In my mind, I've gone to Carolina. I'm going to change it to North Carolina. Change it to Charlotte, North Carolina, right? Did you say Charlotte? Charlotte. Charlotte.

But for real, did you say Charlotte? Did you read that for the first time and say Charlotte? What's your favorite children's book, Matt? Charlotte's Web. What's your favorite ska band from the 90s? Good Charlotte.

What's your favorite basketball team? Charlotte Hornets. Yeah. There you go. 1980. North Carolina's underrated state.

Great state. Great state. And they keep the bathrooms pure. They don't want people talking about them Remember when they were boycotting North Carolina because they wouldn't let the bathrooms And then all the gays In North Carolina were like

You can't support our business So I'm fucked now Louis C.K. He did some arena and he Gave a bunch of money to the to the lgbtq or whatever for that reason for the bathroom shit and then he got canceled like a week later he's like oh great he's impressed to get it back yeah yeah i'm on the other side now he gave all the arena money to them and then he's like hey keep them out of the bathroom i got canceled early this is not

happening i didn't want to i don't want money off comics so i was like let's just charge five dollars at the improv lab and i'm like i don't want to i don't want to be the guy who's like making money off whatever so i'm like we'll just donate the money we accumulated it and then i was like let's give it to planned parenthood that's a decent cause you know and they said no what why i don't know because it it was you. I mean, I assume. Obviously. But it was before. You mean they just don't want money? Of course it was because of you. But why you? It wasn't before the big, big thing.

So I don't know. I mean, they looked it up, but it was like, what do you mean? You're going to fucking morally vet your fucking money? Yeah. I don't know what to say. It's just like, here's some cash. It was wild. Isn't that weird?

So Planned Parenthood wouldn't take your money? Yeah, so I gave it to the fucking abortion bombers. Yeah. I don't know, but I was like, it was so odd. I'm like, what are we doing? All right. Wow. I didn't know they did this.

You're like, that's it. I will take my abortion business elsewhere. Yeah, right? Yeah. I am not pulling out. Yeah. Give it to the back alley guy who's doing it. Give it to the back alley guy.

Put it into hang you know hangers i wonder how often they do that yeah look it up let me google you real quick see if you're well not just somebody did that with biden he tried to donate to biden and biden wouldn't take it yeah louis was it louis i think so i think you're right really well that happens all the time we got enough it's a thousand it's not it. If you give me two million, we take it. We want a lower profile pedophile to donate to us. Because that's the thing these days. People are like, you took money from this?

I don't know, man. People just gave me money. Yeah, we're trying to win. Or we're trying to abort kids or whatever. We got a business to run. I wonder what charities Cosby's involved with. Oh, yeah. He had his name taken off the school.

What's his school? Sleep Aid? Not too late. What's it called? University of Phoenix Online. He was an investor in Casper. I couldn't get it out. Good times. He's blind now, right? Is he blind? That's what always happens once you get canceled. Yeah.

He got that cane out pretty quickly. Yeah, he's like those guys in Goodfellas who are like, I can't stand trial. I've got to cross me. Yeah, Harvey too. You can tell his lawyer's like, you've got to cross me. Yeah, Harvey, too. You can tell his lawyer's like, you got to look really bad. So we're going to put a gown on you. He looks like shit.

He didn't look great to begin. But he looks like a melted Halloween mask now. Yeah, yeah. He looks bad, dude. Real bad. Oh, my God. Well, I'm sure it does fuck you up physically, though. I mean, that's a lot of stress.

Yeah. Can't believe there's women. I can't believe all these chicks I raped are coming after me for rape. They go, oh, fuck, my legs. I can't walk anymore. All that raping was hard on my legs. You might be wondering how I got here. Another woman come forward.

Oh, fuck, my heart. Oh, God. By by the way why can't we get a camera in a why do we still have the painting lady in a court we can't get a camera in there in 2024 they don't allow it why it's the closest we come to supporting art in this country counting money for the me too movement right right yeah it just seems so primitive and weird yeah who's gonna do a special a fucking court reporter special just have it all drawn up oh you know who it's not right dan with his new special fatty spatter what is it dance fatty dance fatty dance. Dance, fatty dance. Half the proceeds go to Weinstein's League. And the other half go to Fat Kid's Dancing.

It's 8 o'clock. Oh, this is going to be coming out later. It's already out. It's out. It's out. Everything's out. Lost Money is the sketch artist because there's cameras everywhere now. The sketch guy is like, oh, they got it on CCTV.

You don't need me yeah what is where's his yeah what do you look like that was a thing that was a thing remember the black scientist who said he couldn't go to um neil degrasse yeah he said he couldn't do jury duty because he didn't believe in the eyewitness testimony they're always actually but medically it's not fair it's not right scientifically it's like you can't trust they're wrong all the time yeah i was just watching the forensic files episode where this guy drugged this all right so she goes in because she's you know not feeling well he drugs her and she's out cold she's convinced he raped her but there's like no trace they they test his fucking dna and they're like he's clean well he raped me I'm positive

this guy fucking raped me she drugged because she just woke up with I think she had a fucking penis in her it's clue number one I don't remember the exact specifics

but they keep taking blood from him he volunteers the blood to give to him I just drugged her to fucking I just wanted to like spit on her face

I just wanted to do that Lucas thing it's just a horrible my brother used to tell me you spit it out then suck it back in it goes i just want to do that they find out then they take blood from like years later and he goes i'll do it and he lifts up his shirt they do it again and it's like weird the blood color they find out years later it's like many years later he implanted a blood vial of another person's blood in his arm so What? Because he's a smart fucking doctor. That's why he's like-

The Canadian story. So that's why he volunteered, like, let's go? Yeah, but that must have been really fucking painful to just have a vial. They didn't notice a fucking massive- No, no, no. No, no. He did it this way.

He would lift his shirt up to here and then just take it. Whoa. It was very thought out. I can't believe that. That sounds like something that bombs in the SVU Writing room There's a mechanical The Wizardator

No Wizardator Is there a guy I got a Wizardator story It was a bomb Made for TV movie In Canada I forgot Someone's in it

Some famous person's in it So this is the Wizardator Okay Wizardator is a Miami Not a Miami Viking Whatever Viking One of the worst Avengers.

Yeah, a Minnesota Viking player who was using weed, nothing major. And so he had to test for, so he put a fucking whole piece in him so he could piss out someone else's piss. The Whizinator, this thing, got caught with it. He used to show up to the comedy store, this guy, whatever his name was. You've got to find his name. And we were like, hey, do you want to smoke weed? He goes, no. And we're like, it's the off season.

He goes, I can't. And we're like, can you just smoke? He goes, if I smoke one more time, my NFL career is done. And we're like, well, when your career is over, will you smoke? He goes, yes. Who is he? Black guy, big black guy. I think he was a lineman.

That narrows it down. Check out Dance Fatty Dance on YouTube. Dude, Saquon off the Giants. It hurt. He's in the Eagles too now. That fucking hurt. Oh, man. But they did him dirty, dude.

They should have franchised him. But they're going to probably be better now. This always happens. Yeah, running back. Maybe, man. Probably the best guy out of that business. But they're going to probably be better now. This always happens. Yeah, running back. Maybe, man. Probably the best guy in that business. But the Giants are fucked, right? I don't know.

I hope I'm wrong. That was an early Dan St. Germain bit. The Giants hat. You wore you. I don't look like a Giants fan. I look like the guy that interrupts the town hall meeting. Yeah, yeah. I know you don't believe me when I say I was abducted.

I think it's on my YouTube shorts. Join my youtube page remember that was a big thing as a kid we got drug tested in my high school and it was a lot of chugging water a lot of like you got to take this shit it'll clear out your system that was a big part of nullify the thing the test so they'll have to test you again by then another week will pass they don't just yeah they don't just read the nfl anymore right well in the nba they go the collective bargaining agreement they're like you can test for drugs not weed and they're like pad they don't just yeah they don't just read in the nfl anymore right well in the nba they go the collective bargaining agreement they're like you can test for drugs not weed and they're like why

like they're like off the record we're all using weed yeah it's not a big deal and we want to take kevin durant talks about he's like yeah i get high all the he just says it he says well nowadays there's high force letterman a lot of states so like what's the difference yeah it's not a performance enhancer by any means exactly yeah it's a worsener yeah it's like what are you gonna give them opioids instead here take these opioids and fuck up your life well that was the thing in the in the ufc where they go like uh you took weed it's a performance enhancer and like well if it's a performance answer then it's got to be legal for medicinal it's either not medicinal or it's not performance enhancing it's it's it's one or the other right durant in a

letterman interview with him he was like i'm high right now he said it and it's like or the other right Durant in a Letterman interview with him he was like I'm high right now he said it and it's like in the Netflix one and he's like by the way can you imagine that's how far

weed has come can you imagine Michael Jordan being like I'm high yeah he'd be like what

he couldn't admit to gambling wow yeah how long till a president's like I'm high hey hey good debate I'm fucking shit

I heard Durant took credit for Eazy-E's AIDS wow no it was Shugnut it was Shugnut on Kimmel and it was wild you gotta see that interview It's a good debate. I'm fucking shit-faced. I heard Durant took credit for Eazy-E's AIDS. Wow. No, it was Suge Knight. It was Suge Knight on Kimmel, and it was wild. You've got to see that interview. It was wild. I gave my AIDS?

Suge Knight, yeah, where he goes, where Kimmel has like a flak jacket on, and Suge Knight's like, what are you doing? He goes, all right, this is my normal outfit. I don't know. Oh, that's fun. And then he goes, like, what are you doing? He's like, well, you know, there's other ways. Like, could have paid someone to stick you with AIDS like that other guy.

And Kimmel's like, wait, what? He goes, eh, don't worry about that. Was this fun, Kimmel? This was fun, Kimmel, yeah. And everyone's like. You can have 100 Cuban cigars if you travel. Is that right? So you can bring 100 back.

So I didn't fly 100 cigars. But wait a minute. He wouldn't bring any back. Yeah. Just get that one part about that. Wow. Yeah, it was pretty wild. He's pretty much saying, like, I paid someone. Because EZE went from no gay rumors to straight AIDS. Yeah. And then dead in no time.

It was such a quickly progressing thing that it is odd. That's my idea. Right, right. Why are we going to prove this? Oh, it's not. Oh, no. That's just. It's style.

You've been in the can for a while. No, no, no. Let's do it. Everybody. Put all the talk to him. He would never do that now. I love racist Jimmy. Yeah.

See, if somebody's going to do something to somebody, see, technology is so high, right? Right. So if you shoot somebody, you go to jail forever. So the kids, if you shoot somebody you go to jail forever so the kids you don't want to go to jail forever right so they got this new thing out that people sell them all the time they got this stuff to call they get blood from somebody with aids yeah and they shoot you with it oh that's bad that's a slow death yeah yeah it's actually the opening of the eye rewind that rewind that rewind that. Rewind that. Say it again. Yeah. Easy thing.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Easy thing. Okay. Just some light talk show banter. Wow. I think they were struggling with guests back then. The whole crowd's like, what?

Do you not remember the first week of Kimmel when he had guest hosts for a week? Yeah. There's a big rumor that Snoop's entire posse gang raped someone in their fucking locker room. What? Yep. Look it up. Look it up. I might be wrong. You might have to cut it out, but look it up. And then they were like, hey, we're done. This segment brought by Tomordew. It's a truth maker.

Whoa. Well, if that's true, we gotta help this lady. I like the thing about gangster rape suit, not gangster. They somehow They somehow made it Racist Yeah yeah

They made it They made the allegation racist Whoa Ari where are you getting all that You're like a scoop Scoop Scoop Shafir Yeah

Scoop on the Deep throat for the comedy bureau Deep throat You be tripping Yeah there it is You be tripping pod You be tripping pod There you go Rapper. You be tripping pod. You be tripping pod. There you go.

Rapper and four members of his entourage raped her backstage after 2003 taping of ABC's Jimmy Kimmel Live. What? I got to be honest with you. Every memory I bring up is like 50-50 true or not. But when you look at it, I'm like, it was right. That's amazing. I'm as surprised as you guys are. Holy moly.

So I guess. Yeah, and he goes, hey, we got to watch who's in the fucking we gotta watch who's around now well i guess it just went away rape suit well abc paid hush money yeah holy hell well snoop's like doing great now he's doing sesame street love it disney's like we need to silence this. Yeah. Mickey Mouse in a fucking tux. He had a murder charge and a rape suit. Yeah. What kind of murder he got offered? What kind of rape suit do you wear to a wedding? I think a Cosby sweater.

There it is. There he is. Yeah, there we go. Ooh, baby. Oh, that was pretty good. Not bad. I mean, it's not a suit. I cheated a little, but it's all right.

Mark, well, I should say this offstage, but you got to, after your fucking show in Memphis, let's go hang out in the bus and let's get some drinks. I would love to. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it, baby. My routine on the bus is we just fucking drink. James is there. We drink wine, whiskey.

We fucking have a Negron. We watch a movie. It's fucking great. Do you have this problem? Because I did it once before in November with Renesas and O'Neal. You go on stage. They go up. Another one goes up.

Then you go on. And you come off like, oh, okay, I'm off. You take five minutes, whatever. How are you guys doing? And they're like, what was that? You guys are fucked up. You guys got lit without me. Do you have that problem or not?

No, because my crew is... Brian is... James is filming. Brian is fucking running the show, and Vitor doesn't drink. Vitor's waiting for you to buy anything. Yeah, Vitor's like, I want a ribeye,

and I want it to be aged. Love Vitor. That's all he has. Love Vitor's Jewishness. So funny. Well, he's sober, and he's got two kids and a wife at home. I didn't know he was sober.

Oh, yeah. On everything except gambling. When we went to fucking Vegas with him, he's sober, and he's got two kids and a wife at home. I didn't know he was sober. Oh, yeah. On everything except gambling. When we went to fucking Vegas with him, he was like, the Colgate women's team has a plus 34. Oh, man. He loves curling. Every once in a while, he's a snob. So if I can get him, if I have a really expensive bottle of scotch or something,

I'll be like, dude, this is like a $1,000 bottle. He'll be like, really? And then I'll be like, nah, that was like a really expensive bottle of scotch or something I'll be like dude this is like a thousand dollar bottle he'll be like really and then I'll be like nah that was like a fifty dollar bottle but he's already drunk yeah let him ride the best

I used to have barbecues in my old place I had a backyard for a while that was sick yeah and then Norman would show up

with his two thirds of a bottle of Schumer fucking Lagavulin oh yeah it was her favorite and then it became our favorite

that's good whiskey baby yeah he goes hey you open it? He goes, no, I didn't open it, but. Yeah. Wanted it or not, I'm like, yes. Hell, yeah. That's the best stuff, man.

Very nice. Yeah. Oh, man. My direction every time. I forced that fucker out. Do it that way. Cure blindness. She will attack you. She will attack you she will attack you

alright buddy I'm sorry alright tell him you're going to be 69 with that girl canining

it's late it's the second show I have to imagine Norman in his sleep just pun I had to imagine Norman in his sleep just, pun. Dad, you look like shit on this fucking cover. You look way better now.

I was still drinking during that. Rosebud. Rosebud. This should be a fish sticks commercial or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was pretty puffy. There you go. Orson Welles. Holy shit.

I like the blazer, though. Orson Swells. There you go. Oh, man. Do you ever see Dan? Do you ever see... Raising Cades. Raising Cades is great.

Dude, you see Orson Welles and that dean marden roast you just gotta see how don rickles brings him up by saying just just get rickles intro which is a fucking great intro to what is it orson wells he said yeah orson wells dean marden roast but get just get rickles bringing him up because it's fucking rickles is such a fucking at all schrader on adam friedland we saw saw that. Dennis Leary and Joe Fitzpatrick. We got to get Schrader on. I'd love to get Schrader. Who's Schrader? Fucking road taxi driver.

You guys got like six months to get him in. Yeah, right? That guy is the hourglasses. Oh, no. You want Rickles bringing Orson Welles up. You don't have the- That bow tie sucks. Let me keep trying.

Bow tie sucks. He's done. I love this guy. He got lit up in the air. Oh, Dean Martin. They were bigger than TV back then. They might just be the Orson Welles. Bow tie sucks. He's done. I love this guy. He's got lit up. Oh, Dean Martin. They were bigger than TV back then. They might just be the original. They're kind of the same way.

Great star for so many years. This man was married to a great many women in his life. They're all flat now. That's just the line I wanted. I fucking love that line. That's a great line. They're all flat. Dean Martin can't stop smoking a cigarette or joint.

He's like, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. Who was that? I saw Jimmy Stewart. Who was the other guy? Rewind for a second. That was great, man. They all did this.

Just keep away from their families for another minute. Yeah. Oh, Bob Hope. Who's the guy on the left there? Jimmy Stewart. Jimmy Stewart. That's Jimmy Stewart. Old as shit.

Man, he got... Ocean Wells got fucking enormous huge he got huge well i like me just lean into like i'm just gonna eat yeah brando did that brando did he would hide it too he would be like he would like you know he'd be like oh i can only have one bite of of this you know dinner then he'd go to his hotel i love the fat guys ralphies do that he would eat like go to like in and out or something on the way to go eat. So he goes, no, I barely eat. It's just a metabolism thing.

Yeah. And then. He would have secret meals. One of the best, one of the best Gabriel Iglesias lines I've ever heard in person. I don't know if I heard it or if it's a memory of someone else. It was Ralphie May was saying he was a vegetarian. And Gabriel goes, what's he eating? Crops?

Wow. may was saying he was a vegetarian and gabriel goes what's he eating crops that's a burn from another fat guy he's like you don't get that fat from fucking i opened for uh louis anderson this is supposed to be like 88 i don't know what year this was it was like 2009 you look like a boy yeah he was into that shaven. We'd do a show every night. He would trash my act. He'd be like, you gotta change this. You're too dirty. That's too dark. And then we'd get McDonald's. And he would get milk at McDonald's. Oh! That disgust would be more than the octopus. I didn't even know they had it.

I didn't know they had milk either. More disgusting than the rape. That's crazy. But nice guy. He was a funny dude. Louis Anderson did my storytelling show. This is Not Happening. But nice guy. He was a funny dude. Louis Anderson did my storytelling show, did This Is Not Happening, and he finished. And you know how everybody sucks up to celebrities? Yeah. Didn't do well.

He just didn't do well. And he gets off. He's like, that was bad. And everyone's like, no, Louis, it was amazing. It was amazing. He's like, I don't know. It was bad. They're like, no, you're crazy.

That was great. He goes up to me with my level of autism. He goes, that wasn't good. I'm like, I know it was bad. No, you're crazy. That was great. He goes up to me with my level of autism. He goes, that wasn't good. I go, no, it really wasn't. And he goes, can I come back tomorrow? I'm like, yeah, you can come back tomorrow. We'll do it again. I love that.

Yeah, and he crushed it. No way. That's awesome. Yeah. That happened to Richard Pryor. That Long Beach special that everybody raves about. He did it one night. Bombed.

And they're like, geez, this is not good. We wasted all this cameras, film. Run it back? Went back the next night, killed it. Wow. Yeah, I love when it's like they suck up to these people so much that they don't treat them like comics. Yeah, that's true.

He was a funny dude, though. And in his later years, he got more and more real. Yeah. Baskets. Yeah. That was the second season of baskets he's like tremendous and oh yeah what a fun idea like let's have him play the mom yeah it was like it worked it wasn't like uh it wasn't like martin warren or something yeah right it wasn't even like you kind of forget

that it's a dude yeah like there's that point where he goes to the ocean by himself and it's like kind of beautiful yeah yeah well that was Well, that was FX took some chances. FX took some chances. They had, I remember when Comedy Central was complaining like FX is lapping us. Yeah. They can say shit and we can't say shit. Like what are we doing here? I remember the people that I knew at Comedy Central like we're going to lose this.

I know. And they did. They did. They had so many good shows. I forgot Nathan For You's on Comedy Central. They had so many fucking, even in the later years even the fucking um that that whatever bell her show was bell blonde chick kind of chubby something christian bell oh i know what you're talking about yeah uh but uh draw idiot sitter i think it was yeah, that show was fun. And then even though digital stuff was pretty good, the fucking-

They had so many. Tosh.0. Dilly Show or Keeve Show. Yeah, that started with them? What? Dilly and Keeve started- No, no, no. It was just Keeve's.

It was Delco. Delco. Delco. They bought that. That's right. Yeah, I remember that. I forgot about that. They made it for digital, I thought.

They did digital. They made it for digital, but then they were like. And they were like, yeah, we're done. And then Time Pop's like, well, I'll show you a quick comedy for four years. Yeah, well. He's back. He's back. He's back.

He's back. He's back, baby. So is John Steele. Yeah, they had some great shit. Yeah, they tried. They really went for it. The Two Chicks. Broad City.

Oh, Broad City. The Two Chicks. That was the working title. Schumer was great. Yeah, yeah. There was a couple seasons of Schumer that were awesome. Oh, Metzger was on. I mean, Hell Show.

Hell Show was like, what the fuck? South Park. Old Colbert. The Colbert Report was incredible. Yeah, old Jon Stewart show. Yeah, yeah. That's a shame. They got too big for their britches.

I say we focus on the positives and not say it's a shame. Just be like, what a fucking great run they had. Hey, there you go. No, I would say, yeah. That's a shame. They got too big for their britches. I say we focus on the positives and not say it's a shame. Just be like, what a fucking great run they had. Hey, there you go. No, I would say, yeah, it's a better one. You can't last forever, and they did. And I'll tell you what their uphill battle was. They were fighting some 78-year-old guy who ran all of Viacom, who was applying Nick Mom's rules to them.

Right, right. Right, you know? And it was never going to work. I also just think with the internet, from Instagram, you can't get the rewarding feeling that you can get watching a drama, but you can get the

comedy fix. Good point. You can get somebody getting nuts. Okay, I laughed. I don't need to watch a sitcom tonight. And everybody always says, hey, comedy's not what it used to be. You can't say this, you can't say that. But you go online, you can say all kinds of crazy things. These TikToks, I'm like, whoa. You might not suggest your shit to people unless you change

like sex to blacks. But like, you can't do it if you want. Oh, dude, like black Twitter or like hood clips, all that shit. Yeah, shout out Miss Pat. Miss Pat's killed it. She's so funny, man. So funny.

But that's just, you know, all those people in charge. Like, that's why podcasts got so popular. Because we could just say whatever the fuck we want. I think podcasts came out of, we would do morning radio, even with, like, Joe Rogan. And we're like, man, this would be fun if we could say fuck. And if we didn't have to wake up at 6 a.m. to do it. And eventually they just kept not changing for us. And we're like, let's just do it. at 6 a.m. to do it. And eventually they just kept not changing for us and we're like, let's just do it at 2 a.m. and say fuck.

Yeah. And we did. But it's also fun to hear people, four people talk normally. There's not like that Hoda, you know, going like, so Dan, where are you from again? Go get out of here. They have great taffy. You know, like who cares?

Let's watch Jimmy Fallon and just fake laughing and it's just sam morrell on morning television it's just like he's pretty much saying hey guys before i start eat a dick there you go last time i did an insult leg the guy was fucking with me in the green room and he was like you're gonna mess with us and i was like mm-hmm he was a mormon bishop he just kept fucking with me what and gary's like what well he's just gonna get you to go 10 times harder i was like yeah he will wow that's why that one was a fucking really uncomfortable one that was all me and my wife will watch your guys like morning show appearance really they're a blast they're really fun oh fun they're fun i don't even do them anymore just because i don't want to get up i got yeah like yeah it's not worth the class i had a thursday

late show and then i was like fuck why did i agree to this but then i got there and i was like this is pretty fun yeah i did tv in denver i mean tv radio in denver but it's only because like i love you know some radio stations you like i'm like i haven't seen this guy in about seven years yeah some of them are fun like let me come in and say hi to willie b willie b the precedent steve are cool the pittsburgh guys are cool yeah have you ever been out have you ever had one where you where they don't like edit the clip like i was I did some morning show, and it was some joke I had where I say, I come on your face, and they say it right at 6 o'clock in the morning. I've never seen that.

We've got to get that. Yeah. That was a sad one. Act it out. Winnie, you be the face. Okay. Who the fuck would get pickle fucking mints? Pickle candy.

Yeah. What the fuck did you find that? I like how you didn't warn me, too. I was like, what the fuck is that? It's like a jelly belly of doom. Well, we had a bunch of news stories, but we didn't even need to get to them. Fun episode.

Plug your dates, guys. Oh, yeah, where are you going to be? When does this come out? Two weeks. Oh, in two weeks. Well, in April, I'm going to be at Moon Tower with weeks. Oh, in two weeks. All right. Well, I'll be in April. I'm going to be at Moon Tower with Ari. Yeah, I'll be there at 420.

I'm doing a 420 show. I'm excited about that. I'll be at Teehee's Comedy Club in Des Moines at the end. I think it's like March 30th. DC Improv. One of the best fucking clubs in the country. Well, I'm in the small room, but yeah. That's all silver. It'll be fun.

It's like they're counter-programming it because it's like Michael Blackson in the big room and me in the small room. They're like,ming it because it's like Michael Blackson in the big room and the man in the small room. They're like, what's the opposite of a Michael Blackson audience? Yeah, I'll be at Proctor's Theater. It's Jimmy Whiteson. Comedy Cabin in Janesville. Yeah, a couple. Yeah, check out my website.

I have all my dates there. Thank you. And follow me on Instagram, guys. Dan St. Germain. DanStGermain.com. DanStGermain.net. Don't have the dot com but dan saint germain on instagram and dance fatty dance is a special if you like wrestling i'm on wrestle

roast wrestling podcast all right now i'm done hell yeah i am oh well my main thing is washington dc my special taping is um april 26th and 27th 26th to be added by them. I'm doing a whole big tour, the Wrong Side History tour, from Savannah to Toronto and March 21st till, I don't know, April 6th or 7th or something, and then 420 in Moon Tower. But that special day will be April 26th, 27th. Come out to that. Tell your friends in D.C. And my new podcast, You Be Trippin'.

It's a travel podcast. For those of you with wanderlust, it's You Be Trippin' Pod. I just copied you guys with We Might Be Drunk Pod. How so? Because you guys have We Might Be Drunk Pod. Oh, got it. What do you name the YouTube podcast? I think you can call it Pod.

Yeah, Pod's all. Pod's everybody's. Yeah, so I did that, and then it's just You Be Trippin' on wherever you find podcasts. Mark was on last week. Yes, and we're both going to be in memphis tennessee albuquerque little rock bristol tennessee knoxville chattanooga you guys should do a bunch of pills in elvis's honor when you're in memphis oh yeah a bunch of pills let's take some pills at graceland yeah i would sure you have to i mean that's okay so okay wait pause your for a second. You'll be on a tour until then. I'll be in a bus tour.

If I can locate some pills. Well, it depends on the pill. Yeah, or if you can. No uppers. Listen. No uppers. Let's go Xanax, Blue Chew, Percocet. Yeah, let's all take fucking boner pills, Mark, at Grey's Planet.

Well, listen, whatever we can get, we get. But let's in honor of fucking the king. How about Molly? Sure we can get, we get. But let's in honor of the king. How about Molly? Sure. All right, we'll do some Molly. We'll put it on a peanut butter and banana sandwich. Yes, yes. Yeah, we'll shoot the TV out.

And we'll eat it at Graceland. I love it. Don't shit on that tour bus, though. What? Don't shit on the tour bus. Oh, the first day, we're like, is that real? And the driver's like, it is real. Don't do it.

Israel, Palestine. Buffalo, Minneapolis, Madison,ison bloomington evansville los angeles some fun coachella victoria canada vancouver royal oak i love royal oak going hard mark norman comedy.com yeah i'm taking some time off i'm just doing doing AC in June with Chris DiStefano. That's on sale. A little co-headlining thing. Caesars. Holy shit.

That'll be fun. I lost money there. We're going against fucking Frankie Valli. I want to see Frankie Valli. He's like 89. Yeah. That one song that Mainskin covered. Which one?

Begging. I'm begging. Oh, it's good, yeah. Great. I will say this. I'd like to promote two more things. Let's have some barbecues this summer. Yeah, we need it.

We got a fucking patio. You don't have to promote that. You can just ask. I have a patio. Let's do some fucking barbecues, you guys. Weekday barbecues. I was just at Dallas Comedy Club. What's the big barbecue place in Dallas that was like...

Snifters? Not Snifters. Snifters, I hardly knew her. No, God, Terry Black's. Unbelievable. Yes. Unbelievable. Talk to Lauren Compton.

She'll give you free ribs. I'm just saying. I've also got my storytelling show. How'd she hook up to Terry Black? She's banging the black oh seriously yeah

god damn no way is she banging or is she dating him oh dating dating but you know I mean yeah

probably banging what's the point with you right alright is that him oh thanks yeah he's giving a thumbs up

he's like a good looking guy yeah she's getting that jalapeno sausage I've got my storytelling show at Netflix the joke Joke Fest in LA.

I get tickets now. Stick to your ribs. All right. Love you guys. Totally. BodegaCatWhiskey.com. Going to be legal in the bars very soon here in New York. Wait, it's not legal right now?

Dude, New York distribution's a fucking nightmare. It's a nightmare. You've got to fucking grease palms. We're greasing palms. We're greasing. We're putting money in. Hold on. We gotta be dos oros. Let's just give a couple bottles to

fucking DeRosa. We will. I'm fine with that. Let's just give it to him. Let's do it. That'll spread the word. He'll drink it all alone, sadly. Yeah, you got him here. Well, we're not going right now, but do that. Alright. It's now available at DeRosa's bar. There we go we go folks we'll see you all in hell praise allah queef it up thanks for

coming fan dance fatty dance dance fatty dance guys nothing's bigger than a fucking comedian special go check out fucking dance man jermaine right now dance fatty dance give it a fucking like give it a fucking comment give it a share. Everybody just share it. And then give one dollar for the donation. If everybody gives a dollar, he can afford to make another one. That'd be so cheap to give one fucking dollar. Or more. I'm still in the fucking red on it.

For sure more. Oh, no. Well, this pod won't help. But all right. Thanks a lot, guys. See you guys sunday's the day for my next fender a bit of peber rec you know the future's close i've had a little too much bourbon and norman's talking shit about the fucking poke and i get down in the same way up on the roof like a cop's coming and naked samuel is feeling We might be true