We Might Be Drunk - Ep 177: The Foot

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

Get your lube ready for the debut of the foot. Just the guys hanging out on this episode with Winnie, such a good episode. Thanks for coming to hang with us. Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/ Mark Normand: https://marknormandcomedy.com/ Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Bodega Cat: http://www.bodegacatspirits.com We Might Be Drunk is produced, recorded and edited by Gotham Production Studios. Head producer: Matthew Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/ If you want to start a podcast contact [e-mail] for a discount on services when referred by WMBD! Support the show and get 20% off all mattress orders and 2 free pillows. Head to https://www.helixsleep.com/DRUNK

Hey, Vodka soda? Yeah. Nah, another round with that. How you doing? Can't complain, living the dreams, back on the road. I was in, I had a great run this weekend. Where were you? When you got a good run, you got to appreciate it. We'll be talking so dr. Steve you ever heard of him He touches the comics dicks. He's the chlamydia doctor basically so I probably could have said that in a more dignified Well he heard me on Jim and Sam ten years ago or opium Jim or whatever the fuck it was and I kept having kept fooling around and getting STDs and shit So he would call in and be like,

let me give you the antibiotics. So we became friends. What a fucking crazy way to meet a doctor. Great guy. I heard you talking about your dick on the radio. We should link up. We became fast friends. I owe this guy my life because he got me out of so many jams.

He goes, hey, this is a comedy club in my hometown. They need a help, they need a hand, they need a boost. Will you come do it? And I said, I owe you a favor. It was in Bristol, Tennessee. It's called Blue Ridge Comedy Club, great club. And I went and did two shows there. We sold them out, killer. And I went out and got drunk with the staff, left there, drove to Knoxville, did some theater there, the Bijou. Oh, I've done it to me. You were there. drove to Knoxville, did some theater there, the Bijou. Oh, I've done it to me.

You were there. I told you, I thought about, I'm like maybe gonna take my next special there. You know who did? Who? Dusty Slay. It's a good theater. Great theater, great crowd.

You know what it is? They're just like a great mix of people. Yeah. I loved performing there. That was a fun run. We did the tour bus for that run. It was like, all these cities that like, you know, like Chattanooga Birmingham They were great crowds great crowds real people salt of the earth got drunk with the staff. Yeah, I did a don't-tell

That's where I bomb with my pedophilia stuff Yeah, I thought that's when you use your mouth and a glory hole and you don't talk about it Yeah, I really flubbed that one. I had a good one there and I really fucking fumbled at the goal line in a glory hole and you aren't allowed to talk about it. I really flubbed that one. I had a good one there and I really fucking fumbled at the goal line. What are you gonna do? Then we drove to Chattanooga, which I'm in love with.

Yeah, it's cute. Cute, right? Nestled in the mountains, brick, cute, pretty. It's like a girl with freckles and big tits. Yeah, nothing wrong with that. Yeah, I like a freckle. I'll take a couple freckle on the tits. You Another wrong with that. Yeah, yeah, I like a Freckle I'll take a couple Freckle on the tits you like that not too many as long as they're Freckles You know if you have enough David tell no one has Freckles on their ass use a condom

Thanks, Barrett Barrett If you have too many Freckles you're black Mmm think about you want to see when he dance check this shit she loves this shit dance when he dance he goes crazy for these that's her dancing that's all right not much of a shuffle there she can't do much anymore at this age that was about it oh there we go. Very quiet today. She's always quiet. She's a restful old bird. Yeah. Old wingus. Look at the tongue. That tongue doesn't even make it in the mouth. That's hard to have a dog in New York. It really is. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes you see a person with a dog that's like, you ever see one of those

enormous dogs? Yes. First of all, they live till like six So you're just like you just have a giant dead body in your home before you know it Sorry to be morbid here. And secondly, you know, like who the fuck has the room for a dog that size? I know I've seen what do you call those giant ones? big big giant fuckers Duke one the Great Dane Great Dane the big Dmaduke one? The Great Dane? Great Dane! The big. Dane Cook. Yeah, Great Dane. Also Big Poop. Big poop. Bigger the dog, bigger the shit.

You gotta walk that son of a bitch. Cat's the way to go. Or a paraplegic. She saw me with her outside. I don't even have her on the leash. She's so slow. Yeah. Got that footage of Winnie strolling through the city. Ah, there we go. Just cut it before the asshole dilates

Nobody needs to see that. Maybe she's gonna drop a deuce. You better believe that Look at that fucking camel wing this runs a city Fucking rules So I asked him a question and some hawk might fly down Woo! So I asked Sam a question in the elevator. You better watch out, some hawk might fly down and hang her there. So I asked Sam a question in the elevator

because he was holding her up, holding Winnie up by the chest there, so her whole lower region was hanging down, and I was like, do female dogs have clits? Well, that's not how it started. Matt starts playing her belly, and I go, yeah, rub that clit. And that's how it started.

That's how it started. He was petting her a little low it was strikingly low and he had a devilish grin on his face he seemed excited to do it the glasses and he was having fun with it yeah and I saw him I saw an erection form in his pants and then I saw him start pleasuring himself it was a terrible ride up to the studio it's a long ride it was bad a lot happened so anyway so do dogs have clits? I don't know. Yeah, you're the Google master here. Well, my cat's a boy, so I play with that dick and

know when he gets hurt. He's got a red rocket every now and then. It's very jarring. You're watching the Shogun. You're like, oh, he's got an Asian fetish. I got to watch that show. I don't know if you'd watch that show it's kind of falling off if you ask me you know what I just saw that was really good on Broadway was enemy the people with Jeremy strong oh yeah fucking Michael Imperiali man killer what's what's he like I mean see him in the flesh is gonna be cool funny to hear him not doing an Italian accent oh yeah that's like I think it's like a Norwegian play. It's like a, you know, I think it was written in the late 1800s. Wow.

So it's not like he can be like, Tony, I want to do this door. I kind of was hoping he would, but no, he's kind of like a Trumpy character. He's like a politician. Interesting. You know what that play is? I turned to my girlfriend,

I'm like, hey, this is kind of like Jaws. Because there was like this bacteria in the bath, in the water, and it's bad for the town, and they have to do all this work, it would toss the city so much money, and they're like, we can't do it, this is like a big tourist season. This is like the plot to Jaws.

Whoa, interesting. And then I was telling Ron, and he goes, you know what movie that's based on? I was like, what? He goes, Jaws. I was like, fuck. Hey, good on you. Hey, don't you want to turn to your lady and go? Yeah, I called him. Okay good. No jaws is so good. Oh, man. I got a wreck I got another wreck that one's like that one's have clits by the way they do confirmed it. Yeah, they have clits Yeah, lucky you

Hey, I pet a dog why can't I take it a step further, am I right, guy who doesn't understand animals? That's a petting zoo. Heavy petting zoo. So yeah, I mean it was really good, but it's in New York and it is hard to get tickets, I got lucky, but I'll tell you this, we haven't watched Carrie since I was a little kid.

I don't think I ever saw it start to finish It's fucking great man great dark the palma man. Oh, yeah, wait the palma today. Yeah, it's Brian the palma I didn't know that yeah, I just thought it was a Stephen King joint well Yeah, it is but wow the palma good on you the mom is scares the shit out of me. She's great Oh, yeah, that was oh, man, it's a scary movie, man. Sissy Space, is it period blood? Yeah. Oh, been there. It's pig blood, but.

Oh, it's pig blood. But in the beginning it's period blood. Oh, sorry, yes. Yeah, they kill a pig to put the pig blood on her. You couldn't just go in fake blood, you had to go to the, ah, it's a lot. Yeah, PETA. Young Travolta. Yeah, that's right, hot Travolta, straight Travolta. Getting sucked off by Nancy Allen in a lot. Yeah, Peter. Young Travolta. That's right, hot Travolta, straight Travolta.

Getting sucked off by Nancy Allen in a car. They were such mean girls, all these girls were so mean. I know. Literally, she's like sucking his dick, like will you do something for me? And you're expecting, you can get a lot for a blowjob in high school. Sure.

She'll suck you off, you can get him to do everything. Ruin this girl's life. Right. That's what she wants you to do in exchange for fellatia. Well, when you're getting had, you're like, I'll kill her. I'll do anything. I'll pay your college debt, whatever it is. So many good shots in that movie, man.

Like, beautiful looking. Oh yeah. I'm not a huge horror guy, but it's like, I love the ones that are like grounded in, you know. Reality. Yeah, and also there's a lot more. I know there's like the telekinesis thing, but like there's a lot there.

It's really interesting. Completely agree. To me, it's gotta be a good movie. Same with the comedy. Like you want the comedy to be decent. Like trading places. You're like, this is a fun comedy or coming to America or something about Mary.

Good movie. Something about Mary, dude. Classic. All of them. Speaking of Jaws, you know what Lion King is based on? What? Hamlet. No shit.

Yeah, my dad pointed that out. I was like, shut up, dad. But now as a- Some kids overhear that in the theater just start beating the shit out of you the next day. That's for your dad understanding. Yeah, but dad dies, kid has to come up and become a man, blah, blah, blah, give it a go.

I think it's based on Hamlet. I might be talking out of my ass. That's cool. But yeah, whoa. You saw Eddie Izzard playing Hamlet in the village. No. Good for him. I think he's Ed-E-D.

I think he transitioned. Yeah. So is he still Eddie? Oh, I don't know. I don't think so. I misspoke. Oh, based on Hamlet, thank you. Yeah, there we go. There we go. It's funny, because you think Hamlet, you're like, oh, I don't know. I don't think so. I miss but based on amlet. Thank you. Yeah, there we go there

We go. It's funny cuz you think hamlet you like I don't watch that shit so boring But you put it in a lion and a monkey and a warthog I'm in you know my favorite part of hamlet was Was a hold on let me do this ah Beat you do it. Yeah, I know you went right for it. Oh Wingus well everything's based on Romeo and Juliet Not everything but a lot of things so much. Oh man What's which one is like remember that teen comedy 10 things I hate about you isn't that like taming of the shirt?

It is one. It's yeah, it's one of them or 12th night or something is one of the no no it ten things. I hate yeah, that was great. Hey man the shrew so they're doing a performance of Romeo and Juliet in London uh-huh and this Tom Holland is Romeo. Oh nice and this actress Francesca. I'm not gonna try it Rivers is Juliet uh-huh and like everyone's like you know up in arms like she cannot be Juliet It's like cuz she's black apparently like you can't have a black Juliet like well. They're originally Italian Which is pretty black oh? I wasn't going that way. I'm saying like don't it's actors. I don't know. I don't think he's Italian yeah And who hates whose family's gonna hate each other's more than the blacks and Italians

That's why I thought it was perfect. I thought it was perfect. Yeah, that's what West Side Story was it was whites and Puerto Ricans Yeah, Bronx tail blacks and Italians was that Romeo no no just racing yeah, I Want him on here can we get Chaz on here? Oh, he would definitely yeah. Yeah, it's always Colin Quinn. Yeah They do all the videos. What else uh what else is Romeo and Juliet? Oh there's a lot. Probably a whole list. There's a whole list. Yeah, minus the suicide. We went to see 12th night when we were in school. It was like one of those like field trips and the woman playing, I forgot which character she was playing, but she was like field trips and the woman playing, I forgot which character she was playing, but she was like doing a dance

and one of her massive tits just fell out of her shirt. Pull it up. Boy, the whole school trip went from like ugh to yes! This field trip fucking rules. Wow, I don't remember that. Going to see Shakespeare and accidentally seeing a tit, like the day just leveled up Yeah, well isn't it funny a wardrobe malfunction on a woman is great on a guy. It's horrifying

We would have probably laughed. It was a guy true with a woman. We were like yes Yeah, well my whole childhood was my dad in a robe with no underwear his dick out all day long Black socks robe and sometimes t-shirt. So he's like half dressed. But a lot of... That was an old bit, you covered the wrong half. Yes, a lot of ball bags swangin'. Those were crazy pendulum he had. Have you heard of a grandfather clock? Have you heard of a dad cock? Awful. These are all Shakespeare? That's what it says. That's pretty cool. What them up the movie. Oh, I guess it's a fellow That's a fellow. That's yeah, but I mean yeah now who gets the residuals. She's the man is Shakespeare

Yeah, I think that's Twelfth Night. Oh Thought that was about a Bruce Jenner Get there what about that was Amanda Bynes, dude. Oh, she's a nut. She was adorable back then. She was, yeah. You gotta feel great if you're Shakespeare. Look at all these, talk about holding up.

His art holds up. 10 Things I Hate About You. Yeah, yeah. What else? I don't know what that is. Which one that is? Taming of the Shrew. Oh, we already did that? Yeah, what else let's see

Hamlet West Side Story What does that say what side stories fucking great so good the music is great you see the new one I heard the new one is amazing. I didn't love it really I didn't love it Yeah, it felt a little too filtered You know but the old ones like got some race jokes and some sex jokes and off to the Krupke crop you Your father wasn't my That's why I

Spunk I don't know. I get my favorite types of great writing things where it's like it's like the person can't really sing but they're like Hey, what are you talking about? Yeah, it's like it's like the person can't really sing but they're like hey what are you talking about yeah that's like a singing voice exactly but yeah good movie good I love that movies a kid that's a West Side Story the 60s one that was when they would show you in school like a rainy day and you'd be like actually oh it's actually kind of good yeah that was fighting there was you know men women it was New York that old New York They're in Hell's Kitchen. Love that

Funny the other ones like, you know what else they show me in school. That's fucking great. I'm a dais. Oh You're like going in cynical like yeah, it's gonna be good My teacher put this on but then you're like fuck there's a pretty good one damn good movie one best picture Did it? Yeah, so Thomas Hulse. Great movie. That's a great one. Remember he's chasing the woman around with the cleavage and they're under the piano making out and stuff. Great movie. Now's your takeaway. Well, as a kid you're like- This is a two hour masterpiece. Well you hear Mozart and you're like, oh, classical music, but then you're like, oh, he's just like us.

He was eating chocolate and getting drunk. It was fun. I was like, and he's a genius. That was cool. It was hilarious. I know what he means though. I totally relate to it. Well, you think this guy's gonna be a square, but he was fun. Yeah. Yeah, and he was a psycho driven by his work.

It's kind of cool. Yeah, that's the thing. We all assume, oh, this guy's royalty, whatever, but fucking Prince Harry dressed as a Nazi for Halloween. Like everybody was a kid once. I love that that's yourself, that he's cool that he's cool well got a sense of humor now he is they want to make you want to be like edgy as a kid yeah yeah told you my favorite story what best Halloween costume as a kid wish Superman in a

wheelchair that was a hit that's very well shows off your wit oh I didn't do I did. Which? Superman in a wheelchair. That was a hit. That's very, well it shows off your wit. Oh I didn't do it, my friend did it. Oh, that's a good one. I remember being like, now that's a good guy right there, that's a fun dude. Wish I thought of that. Yeah, I really did.

But he's getting a lot of props. Oh yeah, oh he got high fives all day. That's you as a kid, you're seeing a response to a joke. Yes. You're seeing other people praise a guy for making an offensive joke, he took a risk. Good point. That's like, you notice that

and then you see what Mark's comedy is. You know what I'm saying? That's clearly like. Yeah, interesting. I never forgot it. Influential, right? Very influential. No, the kids growing up who take risks,

like it doesn't always pay off, but those are the ones that you're like, oh shit, especially when it works out. But even when it doesn't work, you're kind of like, I mean he tried. Yeah, I respect the attempt. There were kids that were always fucking taking risks and some of them were bad, I mean sometimes a kid just says a slur, you're like, well that wasn't funny, but he's a bad kid, he took a risk.

Yeah, there was a kid in my high school who did the senior prank and he wrote on the other schools football field in manure Seniors are the shit Damn in manure I mean how many dollars was that to get that many gallons of manure to write seniors of the shit? You could see it from the third floor window Totally badass look at a sequel to carry instead of pigs blood this time. We're doing horse shit Next year mule cum.

That's a lot of mules. Man, the third Carrie was weird. You just... Beaver pubes? Do that. I wanted out of ideas. Oh, fuck. Dude, that makes you think it could have been worse.

Why is that so humiliating, Pig's blood, just because they're laughing at her? Well, I think it's a metaphor for her having her period. Yes. Sure, sure, but it's like. And blood is so visceral and red. I mean, look, it was brutal. Sure.

And it just sucks, like, man, kids are mean, man. Mean. Also, they propped her up to be the homecoming queen when she really wasn't. That's already making fun of her. Of course, but that kid also, but he didn't know, the fucking blonde kid, he was just being nice. Yeah, I haven't seen it in a while.

But yeah, kids, high school got, I mean, it's like jail, you know, there's fistfights, there's mean girls, there's ruining reputations. It's gotta be worse now too with like with social media like think oh I mean, it's already you already feel unpopular, but like now you have like fucking hard stats Yes, and video off there was a girl in my high school it's a little dark, but she hooked up with like a bunch of dudes at once and Like they ran a train or whatever and then it she was like that was weird They all the guys got questioned. It was like a whole thing with the high school and Now could you imagine that it would be like a news story that would make the papers

I mean they kept it all in house, but It was a dark moment for this poor girl and these guys were up against it and all that and like There was no internet or anything. So it's just like, nah, that happened and you move on. Do you remember Patrice's story? No. Holy shit. Maybe. Go search ONA history.

He tells a story, he tells it for the first time on Opie and Anthony, I don't know, 2008 or nine. He talks about he was in high school and it was a train situation and he was involved. And then the girl comes to school the next day, everyone had a decent time. The girl comes to school the next day, the word gets around, some kid goes up to her like,

look at her, what you did, if you don't do me, I'm gonna tell everybody. So now this is coercive sex, this is actual rape, right? So her brother was older, comes up to her and is like, what happened? And she says, instead of saying, oh, some guys ran a happy train on me, she has to say, who was older, comes up to her and is like, what happened? And she says, instead of saying, oh, some guy ran a happy train on me, she has to say, I was raped.

Oh. So he was brought up on fucking rape charges. Oh, he was in the train. Yes. Oh, wow. And then in the story, I hope I don't blow it, he's like, that's when I knew my mother loved me and always looked out for me

because as soon as I told her what happened, she put me in the trunk of her car and drove me to Virginia to stay with my family because she knew you don't have a chance in hell against a white girl in Boston being a black man and being up against a rape charge. Wow. Fucking crazy story.

What a story. Yeah. I hope she took him out of the trunk once they crossed state lines. That would be a long. He's a big guy. Yeah, he's a big dude. Damn, that's fucked up.

Trunk. This guy can't, he's a big dude. Damn, that's fucked up. Trunk. This guy can't lay down in the back seat. The trunk feels a little egregious. Get the trunk. Also, that's why you really don't slut shame, because now you're getting rape charges. That's fucked up. It's all fucked up. All of it's bad.

Yeah. Running a train never seemed fun. No, no. I was never like, you know what I need more more of here more of my guy friends, right? I was always I was always happy to for lack of a better word. Take a cab on a girl Yeah, I was more of a skateboard But yeah, yeah take a cab on a girl is funny. No, I mean, on a train, it's like, what is it? I remember dudes did that.

Yeah, yeah. It wasn't, I guess you were just so horny. Yes. I mean, shit, this is on the table, but. Yeah. It sounds awful. Even threesomes, like I had a couple of devil's threesomes in college, and that was weird.

You know, you're just like, look at your friend and high-fiving or whatever the whole thing was gross the gal was a I think that was her thing she liked two guys still friends of this day do you think your wife would ever let you do that no with a guy or no I mean I don't think you'd want to do with a guy no no that's just a guy or a girl? No, I mean, I don't think you'd want to do it with a guy. No, no thanks. It's just a guy fucking your wife. Yeah. It's a bad trade. Maybe Brad Williams. I'm not going to come off as the bigger, but no, no.

I don't even know if a lady I would want to do. Obviously you want to do a lady, but it would just be dynamic. It ruins it completely. It's almost like when we poorly book two guests and you're just like, about you? How about this guy right here? Yeah. What do you think Justin Wilman? You work in the room? Yeah exactly. Yeah you gotta please everybody here. Yeah. So yeah the threesome I think it's great on paper, great in porn, great in theory. Yeah. Great when you're single. Two gals, I think.

When you're young, now it's like work to get hard anyway. Yeah. You think I'm gonna waste a dick pill on another dude? Yeah. What are you, what are you, a blue chew man? Oh, I've never done it, but I'm like, I know I'm getting there. I know it's trending in that direction.

Yeah, might as well. I mean, we got the medicine. Nah, I, well, you know me. I had a real know it's trending in that direction. Yeah, might as well. I mean, we got the medicine. You do it? Nah, I, well, you know me. I had a real problem where I took Propecia and somebody goes, hey, you know, if you take Propecia, you can't get hard. And I went- Hair looks good though.

Oh, thank you. Propecia works. It hangs on to it. But they go, you're not going to get hard. I go, and right when he said that, I couldn't get hard. But it was only because he said it. And then once I realized it was that, but it was three months or four months as a single guy being with hot chicks naked and going, Propecia, I can't get hard.

And they were like, what are you crazy? We fucked him a week ago. And I'm like, I can't do it. I'm in my head. And then I eventually got over it. But it took some real doing. It's the point of having the hair. I know.

Yeah. It was all mental. It shows how powerful the brain is. So you're just working it. You're just like, do this to me. And it's not working. You're like, ah. It was all mental. It shows how powerful the brain is. So you're just working it. You're just like, you're like, you know, do this to me and it's not working. You're like, ah. Nothing was working. It's like a mechanic and you're like, the car's still not running, man.

Yeah, exactly. It sucks. You know what I equate it to is like, you know when you can't sleep and you're like, come on, sleep! Yeah. The more you think about sleeping, the more you can't sleep. That makes a good point. Same with the boner.

The more you think about it, the more it won't come. Yeah. Or get hard. Do you still watch it, the more it won't come. Yeah. Or get hard. Do you still watch a lot of porn or no? I cut back. Me too. Yeah. It's good to cut back.

Good to cut back, especially when you're married, then you're like with your naked wife and you're like, hey, this is good. Yeah, I'm present. I'm happy. Yes. But the fucking road, man. Anytime we go on the road. Forget about it.

Porn is so bad that I'm like proud of myself when I jerk off with my imagination. Damn, I can't even, I can do that. You couldn't do it? I don't know. I'm usually looking out a window. He got a playground. I just found out he doesn't use lube. Is that absurd?

Never. Do you? Is that? I like half and half. You use half and half? Creamer if they got it. A's a starbucks. Where's the oat milk? I'm like 50% I would say. I mix it if it's there sometimes but like I'm fine without it. Yeah the hotel. It's like a treat. It's a treat if it's Christmas every time. Yeah what am I gonna have ice cream for breakfast too? You gotta earn some of this shit.

Yeah, you ever do it standing up? Standing mass? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'll do squats too. Go in with a workout. Wait, in the other hand. Oh yeah, I stand all the time. I feel like too fucking lazy if I'm laying down.

Oh really? Wait, where does the cum go? I'm sorry guys, where does the cum go? Oh, should go to a hotel sink or know. Oh, you're in the bathroom It's their plumbing problem, right? Phil, I can't just shut down. Sometimes it's fun to shoot it into the shower Just let it hit the floor then you showered it, you know gets it. Yeah It's all hotel adult science experiments. Yeah, I'll do it too. Oh, yeah

Yeah, yeah, I'm a definitely a hoteler. All I do is I run the shower, prop the phone up, get the lotion out on a special night and then... And then you hit record? And then I send it to my dad. I'm with you, man. The hotel, how about the pubes? That way you do the hotel too? The who? Do you trim the pubes at the way you do the hotel too? The who?

Do you trim the pubes at the hotel? Sometimes, yeah. Leave a little extra for room service. Yeah. In case they dangled around the toilet room. Yeah, my hotel room is just, what do you call it? Not paper towels, washcloth, just strewn about. Because I use it and I just throw it across the room

in a fit of- You come in the washcloth? Oh yeah, what do you do Kleenex? Usually? Oh, I feel bad doing the washcloth. There's someone's washing that I Hope they're washing it Maybe they're not the best here at a best Western like oh my god, this is hard My face is bleeding an aged facial. Yeah Yeah, well exfoliates I guess but no I'll jizz in the washcloths and throw that in the shower and I make sure to dampen a little. Yeah, I'll get the jizz out. Yeah, you don't want to dry, fuck. How about at

home what do you jerk off in? Sock. Sock? Old sock. You just have one sock? Well, I go on the hamper. Or a shirt, I'll take a shirt. And then you wash it and you wear the sock again? Yeah. That's fucking weird. What? Matt do you hear this? My socks are completely... I wash it. Yeah, I hope he washes it. Clearly you I hope he washes it. I take a sock out of the hamper in a rage of passion jizz put the sock in the hamper. Like no paper towels in your house? I'll say that's very desperate. He's terribly environmentally friendly. I'm green yeah, Greta. Just got what? Hold on stand by I got a pic for you of Greta. Yeah, oh geez don't pull that up. Yeah, we're gonna get we're gonna get flagged She's I think she's 20 something now. Oh, yeah, she's 22. I check

Geez not a flat earther get the age on old GG you know GT I think it's 22 all right why do they put her next to Scarlett Johansson. I think it was a tit off 21. I think it was Sydney Sweeney. Oh, Sydney Sweeney? She's the new tit lady. I mean. Tit for tat right here. She's got like a Jessica Rabbit thing going on. Oh, completely.

The face isn't amazing, but with that tit and face, it's pretty great. She's got a pretty face. It's very pretty, but I'm saying if she was not busty, I don't know if we know her Tits are cool There's a t-shirt I'm a fan of tits. I like tits too and tits are making a comeback I feel like the ass had the spotlight for a good two decades. There were people that were like I'm an ass man

That was like a big thing. Oh, yeah, be like I'm an ass man And it was like not weird to be like and you they were like proud I'm an ass man. That was like a big thing. Oh yeah. It'd be like, yeah, I'm an ass man. And it was like, not weird, but like, and they were like proud of it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But tits, I've always been a tic guy. That's a classic. I mean, asses are great. Don't get me wrong, but I think,

are you tits first on ass? Well, here's the thing with the ass, and this is a very sexual episode. We got Dr. Ruth coming in. Yeah, I'm sorry about this. I don't know if she's still, that's an old reference. Is she alive? Dr. Ruth? Okay good. Was she like a holocaust survivor? Whoa! That's a different kind of trait.

Hold on, now I gotta know if Dr. Ruth's a holocaust survivor. No wonder she's so horned up. She's not bad here. She is. Salacuse is horny as fuck. I would know your type. Peoplefft. Jeez. Salacuse is horny as fuck. I would know your type. People who look like you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's a different kind of train they ran on her It was worth the wait She doesn't like fucking in the shower

She's got a butt in the oven Holocaust survivor. Yeah, holy shit. Fuck you mark. Yeah. Look at that good for her. How old is she? Yeah, she was made 95. She's still alive. No alive 95 Holocaust was 40 1940 41 could be 38 to yeah true wait how many for was she born she was born in 28 So she's a 10 year old in the Holocaust or a 13 year old yeah, or 10 to 14. That's why we got to get her on here. Yeah, I want to read her Holocaust diary It's a good stuff in there oh, yeah, I like to play in her attic and basement

But what the hell is that talking about? Oh the ass the beauty of the air I think the ass I like tits and I like ass but I think ass is more important because the ass is indicative of the shape of the body you can be fat skinny whatever with big tits or You can but I think the ass has the waist to butt curve And I think that says a lot more about the entire hourglass figure That makes sense. Yeah, I can get more out of a woman by

seeing her ass than you can with a fit. You know what I think is most important though is the personality. Mmm, yes, brains are good. Brains are most important to me. Yes. And how much they give to charity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And um. Yeah, I like feet. Yeah. No, I'm kidding. I don't love feet. Adam Kroll had the best feet line. Somebody goes, what do you like, you like a woman's feet? I love woman's feet. He goes, I don't love feet Adam Kroll had the best feet line somebody goes what do you like you like a woman's feet I love women's feet he goes that I just look at feet as a something that holds up the tits like that's dead on but yeah I don't love the feet I don't care about feet I'm not against feet yeah feet can be cool but they're not like it's weird the people are just in

the feet it's a weird those people have got it made. Cause there's feet everywhere. Yeah. Just saying. You can't really tell the age of a foot. Oh my God. So I'm watching Gerard Carmichael's new show, whatever that is. HBO.

It's on HBO. It's called like the Gerard Carmichael reality show. Yeah. And it's sort of a documentary about his life. He fucking meets a guy on Grindr on the show, brings him to his apartment, and just starts sucking his feet straight away. Oh!

Yeah. Wow. And it's all on film. Wow. Man, gay guys gotta be, just what a great lifestyle. I mean, you could do that with a chick if you're single No, I think there'd be some Cokes in they'd be a little dinner. They'd be dinner. No girls ever hear you after the show. Let me come to your room Rarely and even if they do you got to go. Oh you want to watch Netflix and chill

You know all these you want to watch Gerard on HBO. Oh my god. This is crazy. Yeah Oh, he's in his undies and everything. Jeez, Luis. He has taken a turn since the Gerard Carmichael show on NBC. Yeah, he went from multi-cam to this, huh? Yeah. Because I was watching this, this popped up on my TV as soon as it turned on, this shot,

and my eight-year-old was like, hey, yo. Hey, yo. You gotta put a filter on that kid's laptop, but his eight-year-old's wearing the same outfit Just smurf underwear The only thing about the gays though is they they don't do all the bullshitting they just get right to it No, gay guys ever said where's this going? You know where it's going. It's going to my ass. Yeah Just saying that there's a lot Lex a lot less Games game when both people are just horned up

Yeah with even when women are horned up this games sure you know and they know there's like a there's a value of the vag value of the vag feel like Tom Cruise and Magnolia No, but there's like, you know, there is like, they know that if they put out too quickly, that like maybe the guy's like, I don't want to, it's like you're giving away your hand. I know, but what if they want to get laid? Yeah, and also like, that's what I don't know. I'm dating right now. I fucked her the night I met her. Same. And we're dating There you go, so how about you pick up the personality? Yes, so if you have a good personality

I'm in yeah, that's all we asked for I had a bit about it I don't want to go into my old act, but it's like hey You didn't call after we had sex you're like I the best part about you was the sex I hung out with you You were boring, and I know that's harsh, but you're like you the best part about you was the sex. I hung out with you. You were boring. And I know that's harsh, but you're like, you gotta work on that part. You worked so hard on your looks. You went to the gym, you got your hair done,

you got an outfit on, you got shoes on, you got cleavage, you got jewelry. Get a story, get a knock knock joke, something. Yeah, not here that dude. If I don't wanna hang out with you, that's not my fault. I know that's You know heavy heavy stuff. No, it was funny going dates and as it as a dude Sometimes you just you'd be out with someone you'd be like this person's bringing nothing and not Crying and then it turns into a thing where you're just like on yeah, what wasn't a bad night?

But it's like the fucking it was like a hell gig You know tough crowd and you had to bring it. And then they're like, you don't wanna see me again? And I'm like, I can't go through that again. It was too much work. I had a joke idea. I can't really make it work yet, but I had an idea about,

I was out with a girl once and she goes, I have a flip phone and I only take pictures on disposable cameras, because I just think it's better if you have to wait for it. And I was like, wow, this is gonna be a bad night. I walked through the door and she goes, you gonna call me?

I said, all right. Then I'll send it with a carrier pin. I'll write it with a quill. I think there's something there. I like that. What were you saying, man? I have breaking news. Oh, geez.

So I was looking up Gerard Carmichael's feet. And I found a website called WikiFeet. Uh-oh. And you type in a celebrity and you see if they have any feet. Yeah. And I found a website called Wiki feet. Oh, and you type in a celebrity and You see if they have any feet photos online Mark Normand. Oh Man wiki feet I'm all over it. You could catch a salmon with that thing

I got talons. Look at this. That's me and Ari doing yoga. Hilarious. That's me at my wedding because my shoes hurt. Crazy people. Oh my lord. That's an old pic of you Mark, that's a classic. That's old, yeah a lot of these are really old. Jesus. Hey I took that pic. That was a COVID.

Yeah. Hey, there's no feet even on that one. Wait a minute. Oop. There they are. You guys look nice. Yeah, yeah she was really killin' it. Oh, jeez. Look at those fucking skis.

He's drinking a beer. I love this guy. Yeah, fully loaded. That's crazy. That is weird. Look at the gap. Dare I type in your name, Sam? Yeah, put Sammy in there. Oh, I didn't even spell it right.

Two R's. I did it right. Auto-corrected. One L. No results. Boom. I don't think I've ever posted a picture of my feet ever let's do it today is the day let's see the hoof come on here we go this is some basketball feet to everybody watch out oh I'm eating here all right now send $20 if you want to see the left foot. Have you heard Deena's joke about that? No. About the guy asking her for feet picks and he was offering her money and she goes well you send the pick first she goes you're the creep in this transaction. I feel like you should have to pay first. Yeah yeah. You know? Feet guys have got it

made. I've always said it. Yeah I guess it's easy you could find it if any but that's what turns you on but you know What's weird is I feel like boobs turn you on because they're covered up. Oh good point I feel like once if you just lived in a strip club, you probably wouldn't be that turned on by Good point by you know T&A but yeah, who else do you look up? Who else do you look up? The Yvonne. Ah!

The fucking gayest bickerman I've ever seen in my life. What is he doing? What does he feed? Theo, what is this? This answers the question, what if Brokeback were gayer? Swampback Mountain. Look at this guy, he's on the water here. Holy hell.

Oh, he's getting a gyno. There he is with Farley. Alright, that's a sandal what uh feet pick oh he's hiling all right throw on who else would be on this no on Tim Dylan oh god or Shane I don't have Shane's ever taken a shoe off I don't think so I'm a new balance sneaker whatever sneaker on the beach I don't I don't like sandals really I don't either I'll do a slide That's the only sand like but I hate a flip-flop thong in the toe

I can do actually a flip-flop I could do sandals Bob. I hate them when that goes in between the two toes That's what I'm saying. I'm not into that anything with the tobe in between no. Thank you It hurts it hurts. Yeah, give me the slide all day How about the ones remember those old Adidas ones with all the like the pork hip? Yeah I know like it's like massaging your feet. I'm like yeah, I don't think it is no I had those cuz I was broke and that's all I had. I still have them. I love them Oh, but you get used to it. Yeah, it takes a good five days of walking on those spikes, but you get used to it Yeah

You know, it's Socks and slides are in is that so I don't know if they're in but it they they used to it. Yeah. You know what? Socks and slides are in. Is that so? I don't know if they're in, but they used to be unacceptable. Like you're wearing socks and sandals. My dad would be like, you're a geek. I'm like, I'm getting fucking neg with my dad. That was like a German thing, like socks and sandals.

All right, dad, I'll fuck you. Yeah. But now I see kids wearing socks and slides all the time and I'm like, what? That was a no-go when I was a kid. Yeah. You were going to pick up, you know, cools at the liquor store. Cools.

But now I see kids at comedy shows with socks and slides on. That's weird. Not kids, but 25 year olds. I guess young people kind of dictate what is cool. Young and black, I'd say. Yeah. They invent all the slang.

The slang is so impressive, I find. Like some of the ones that really nail the feeling. What's a new one? What's a new one? Well, like some are stupid, like the Riz. I hate the Riz. And that's short for charisma. Yeah.

That's nothing, that's no cleverness there. The Riz. Yeah, but. There's one Ohio, I don't even know what it means. Ohio? Yeah. Look it up. Okay, I've never heard of that one. I don't even know what it means Ohio. Yeah, look it up. Okay, okay? I've never heard that one. I don't know that just means a fat loser The hell's Ohio it says it means are you good? Are you Ohio? Yeah? What is that? I don't get why I don't get it

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Good Lord Customer service just doesn't get any better than that Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for the drunk listeners. Come on. Go to helix.com slash drunk, D-U-R-N-K. That's helixsleep.com slash D-R-U-N-K. This is their best offer yet and it won't last long. With Helix, better sleep starts now. What about cap? Oh, sorry sorry weird or creepy oh I was more sense weird or creepy yeah where's cap come from yeah sure but it means a fake it's a lie yeah that's cap yeah no cap is his cap like is maybe you're covering up to your bald or something I don't understand what's probably short-friended word I'll look it up. Yeah, okay

But like well, this is like this is the most fucking sad what old white guy pod trying to run a decipher slang Yeah, well everyone's wondering but we're all too scared to say what did it that we don't know we're gonna like this mark Okay, as early as the 1900s to cap meant to brag Exaggerate or lie about something. Okay. Wow Yeah, I didn't have fun. It comes back up Damn, I must it all comes from rap I think rappers say it and a song and then people catch on like bling bling. That's pretty good Yeah, that's New Orleans by the way bling bling

Yeah, and that got into the vernacular like like politicians were like, he got his bling stolen from the whatever and you're like, hey, the politicians made it all the way to the White House. It's funny when they have to say it sincerely. Yeah. Bling. Bling. Bling is good.

Your Honor, that's cap. Yeah. I did not touch that woman, that's cap. yeah, what's another good one extra that guy's extra That's good. Yeah, he's a lot. Oh, he's extra. He's extra I feel like you know what's funny is back in the day was it like you know black culture started saying like oh He's stupid, but that doesn't mean he's stupid. I mean like funny right right or she bad. Yeah, I mean she's hot What about spill the tea? That's a good one.

Spill the tea. Yeah, like let's hear the tea. The gossip. The gossip, spill the tea. Cause you like women get around in tea circles and start gossiping. So, tea really took off. Yeah, some of those old ones from those old movies,

like, it's like another language. I mean it kinda is. Yeah. It is, yeah. What would touch grass? I is. Yeah. Well, it's touch grass. I don't know. It means like he needs to come back to reality. Yes, that makes sense. Get a grip.

Get a grip, touch grass. That's a great one. Get a grip. That's kind of philosophical. I mean, get a grip was one. Get a grip. Yeah. That was my joke about the arthritis guy.

I made an arthritis joke and he goes, hey, I have arthritis. I said, get a grip. Kills, I have arthritis. I said, get a grip. Kills, kills. I don't love the abbreviation one. If you know, you know. I mean, that's all text shit.

Yeah, it's all for if you know, you know. Yeah. Well, we didn't know. We felt left out. I had to look it up. All right. Well, welcome to Boomer hour. We should have a fucking croquet right here and two walkers cardigan a pipe and a newspaper a little espresso. Yeah

What do you think about the newspaper? Cuz you look at those old photos from the 40s everybody's reading the newspaper on the train So phones aren't that crazy because it's just the newspaper of the day problem is we don't know what you're looking at That's true Think about newspapers if about newspapers if like you're like, this guy might be taking a photo of me. Yeah, true. That's what phones can do, you know, email. Porn.

Porned. We have twerking video. At least the newspaper was news. You know, you're reading an article. Yeah. All right, I take it all back. My mom used to read so many magazines that she would put them in a bag

and then give them to another friend and she would give her her magazines and then she would read those. Isn't that insane to think about? Where do you see, I mean, magazines are falling off. Even at the airport now, there aren't as many as there used to be, which is kinda, I kinda like the routine of grabbing one at the airport. That was like my flight thing. It was nice. You could flip through it killed some time

I mean, where else to who so has magazines? Yeah, and they're always the worst Matt. You're like in touch from 2008. I don't care about Pierce Brosnan It's always like, I love those, see that used to be conspiracy theories is like those kind of like Star Magazine. Yes. But like you only, now with the internet you're nonstop on them.

You used to only see them as you were checking out at the grocery store. The inquirer. Yeah, but now, yeah, back in the day. Oh, Michelle Obama is, she's heading to Splitsville with Barack. All her girlfriends already know and you just be like fuck they they broke it. Yeah then there was the weird supernatural shit like Bat Boy this boy was born with Batwing.

So you're just looking at you're like ah yes that was it yeah and then they kind of went both ways it was like a celebrity drama and uh there there is. I remember seeing that kid on covers. What is that? Weekly World News. What happened to that kid? Three-state chase. Oh my god. That was at every checkout. Good times. Turns out it was just some autistic kid that had a weird photo taken bad boy found What is this good? Obviously doctored, but is it cap? Even the Simpsons did a piece on it. Oh, that's great. The Simpsons called it final four

Man the Simpsons is good. Oh Boy the Simpsons was a such a great show That like really brought people together on Monday So fucking good. Yeah, I know you know what's funny We talked about the other things that we had the Ed Sullivan show the whole country watch the Beatles played and the toilets flushed At the same time, but now we have that with, hey, look at Lizzo quit. Or hey, look at. Katelyn Clark. Katelyn Clark.

I don't think anyone was into that. Yeah, so we still have our. 18 million viewers and then at its peak it was at 24 million for that game. Wow, is that right? That's pretty crazy. Wow. It's a lot of people watching.

What was it about that? She's just really good. Yeah. Threes, I mean she's sinking them. She's just really good at basketball. I mean mean and it's helping women's ball for sure bringing a light to it but I only watch the highlights because you watch a full college women's game no it's fun dude we're going to games all right all right it's a good time there's a lot of missed layups if Dude, the women's was more exciting than the men's this year.

The men's was fucking boring, I thought. What? The NCAA. Oh, the NCAA. I love the NBA, don't get me wrong. I was about to say. Yeah, it's weird, because it feels like college ball for women is fun, and then professional for men is fun.

Well, Diana Taurasi was complaining about it. She was like, you love us when we're really young and like what we could be, but then when we're at our absolute best in the WNBA, don't give a fuck. It's like OnlyFans. Yeah. We like the college years.

Somebody write that down. Mark said something to me, it really didn't shake me, but I was like, oh fuck. He was having a conversation with the A-list comic, with a friend of his, and he said, man, I don't know if this was your best specialty or whatever, and the guy took offense or whatever. I'm not gonna give names.

I don't remember, keep going. But then Mark and his friend said to the A-list, they're like, well, you have 10 specials. One's not gonna be the best one, and one's gonna be the worst one, and there's gonna be eight in between. Yeah. And then Mark said, oh shit, this is gonna be me one day.

Someone's gonna rank my shit. So like, your last special might be your best special, who knows? Or your next one is your best one. But it's gonna be a ranking of your specials one day. One has to be the worst. One has to be the worst. One has to be the worst one. Yeah, but I also think, you know.

No one wants to hear that. Yeah, no, I mean, like, that's, thank God to be that lucky to put out that many fucking specials. I mean, that's pretty cool to have that kind of body of work. Like, you just hope that, you know, it fluctuates a little and it's not like a steep drop. Right? Yes, that's the point.

I mean, that's the thing, it's like, you know, if you're fourth and you're seventh, you're best, that's cool, you don't want it to be like, you're first and you're second, and then six, seven, eight, nine, you're like, oof. Yeah, yeah, we did it gently. I think gently, okay, I gave a bad version of that. I think what happens is, to a lot of great comics,

maybe they put one out that's not killer and then they're like I know that wasn't my best it's gonna light a fire under me and I'm gonna put out a really killer one. I completely agree. Look, you burn out. We've talked about this. I think there's no way around it. You're gonna burn out. Yeah and a lot of people peek and then they I don't want to say they get lazy but they like. Sometimes they get busy. They get busy and they get put off the gas. But they're so hot that the agents like put something out. So they put that out.

So there's a lot of factors there. Oh shit! Well I can say... Bleep it, bleep it. But we were on his private jet after he filmed the special. And he was so excited about the special that he started passing a whiskey bottle around. So me, List, and, not List, but we were hitting the,

We hit it twice. We were hitting the bottle. It's the same four times. Drinking in the story. And we were like, man, we were quoting, because we were so excited, we were blowing him, like that bit was amazing, that bit was amazing. List was back on the sauce, he was so happy.

Yeah, he relapsed, and then it came up like, oh, that one wasn't as good. And you know, the booze was kicking, it was a long flight. And then he was like, what? We're like, well, it was good. It just wasn't what that was, you know, and it was all fine. Because that actually happened to me on a photo shoot

where the photo editor said, do some classic Salik use photography. And I was like, yeah, I will. And I told it to someone, they were like, that was an insult to you. And I was like, why? I was like, I told it to someone, they were like, that was an insult to you. And I was like, why? I was like, that photo editor was saying your best days are behind you.

Do some of your best work. I don't think that's an insult. I think that's like, this is your staple. This is kind of like your classic style. I don't think that's saying like, you're not good anymore. If he's saying, this is your classic, then you have the gear to still access that, right? I mean, like you'll sometimes be like,

that's a old school Sam joke. It doesn't mean like my new shit sucks. It's just like, you know, you have a style that you kind of get known for. Exactly. And sometimes you grow. Sometimes you, you know, go into something better or worse. Who the fuck knows?

But when I say classic, I mean, that's very indicative of your style. Yeah. Boom, that's a signature bit, that's a staple. But I don't think, I mean, I think, I know which of mine aren't as strong and which are stronger. It's like, I think we all know it.

It's just maybe when someone else says it, it's kind of like, you know, especially a friend, you're like, wait, you, it's almost like being seen naked, you're like, wait, you saw that? You know? But even George Carlin, you put out 14 hours. There's a lot of shit and there's a lot of great.

And some specials have half shit, half great, some have 90% great, 10% shit, they fluctuate. As any artist does. Any, anyone who makes anything, think about filmmakers, think about novelist I mean, it's like if you're putting out a large body of work some of that shit's gonna suck Yeah, I mean you go through Tarantino He's got a pretty he's got a pretty solid life pretty solid, but you could say the hateful eight

Might not be a Jackie Brown which might not be a Pope fic which might not be a Hollywood You know you can do play with it. Yeah, you play with it, yeah. And it's all subjective too. That's the thing, is like some people might think your least favorite special is your best. That's true. And maybe you reach some people with that one that you don't love.

Right. Maybe like that got you a new fan who's now with you, you know, so I think ultimately it's just good to be prolific and the comic you're talking about is one of the most prolific ever yeah yeah and one of the best ever obviously and apparently coming back yeah so now really giving away who it is okay she's fine we know is we love him yeah yeah he's a killer so there you go folks Cosby's coming back

Still got it. I think he is coming back by the way. I think he's touring. I give it a go. I think he's got dates Cosby's touring? I believe so As I always say if you go to that show you better bring a pillow and a butt plug Yeah, what is uh, you're gonna be no events scheduled. All right. He does not have high ratings there doesn't know this is about I thought that was five stars First like with two and legendary family funny, man, Bill Cosby They have an updated that one Man what is that HTML? Yeah, I actually saw him in Jersey 14 years ago, and it wasn't great. I fell asleep, no pun intended, no joke.

Funny, back in the day you would have been fucking crucified for saying this. I know. Now people are like, good. Yeah, I know. But I mean I heard he was unbelievably good live. Oh excuse me, upcoming dates. Aha, he's overseas. Germany, Stuttgart, Cologne, Hamburg, Berlin, Nuremberg.

Auschwitz and Bacow. All right, he's all over it. Germany's really embraced him, I see. Wow, interesting. They have a weird art scene in Germany, right? They really do. Berlin's getting hit hard over, yeah, over Gaza stuff. A lot of people are losing grants.

It's like a really fucking sticky thing. Really? There's a New York Times article about it right now. It's by Jeffrey something, I forgot his last name, but it's like, it's like a really fucking stupid thing. There's a New York Times article about it right now it's by Jeffrey something forgot his last name but it's like it's it's interesting but uh that's weird he's like got to save Haven in Germany. Damn you know what's weird is uh this is a I'm throwing a Hail Mary out there but as comedy goes up in booming arenas and following all this shit money. It feels like journalism is going down and they're having to be more salacious,

more scandalous with the headlines and the whatever, the hit pieces. Or am I wrong there? I don't know if you're wrong. I mean, I think, I don't think it's comedy necessarily. I think it's that there's so many places to get news now. It used to be like, just this is the paper. Yes. Now it seems like there's so many places to get news now. It used to be like just this is the paper. Yes. Now it seems like everything's an op-ed and with that it's like less news. I mean I think that's the rise of cable news is that like they merge it with entertainment

so that becomes hot for a minute but then at a certain point you're playing with fire because where the fuck do you go? You're feeding one base. Yep. That base is going to change over time so then you have to change. Yep. It's not just the death of journalism, I think it's the death of like, I don't want to say the word like fake news, but like alternative news, you know what I mean? Alternative news is going away you're saying? I think it's like- I would say that's going up, because cable feels like it's diminishing a little.

Well that's what I'm talking about, cable news. Oh, okay. No, I think like, yeah, I think being a journalist is really tough now, especially if you wanna be a good one. I know, I know. And I think about like, it's gotta be worse and worse paying.

Yeah, yeah, well, now you can have like an online sub stack. I was thinking people read less. Like think about what people are spending their time. They're just like scrolling TikTok and shit. They're not like, that's time you see people be in front of like a paper or something. Newsweek. And now you're just like, mm, mm.

Yep. Mm. 100%, or they'll listen to a podcast about the news. But that's at least run by like some papers. Like the New York Times has a podcast channel, right? Like the, you know, other, other newspapers have yeah, but yeah, no you're right I mean they have to invest in other things and if you like if you're a journalist and you're bad on the mic

That could fucking hurt you yeah, but is there a news that's just straight news not like opinion right left Just a minute Al Jazeera was but that they got rid of that in the US Really? Yeah, I mean every every was a bit slanted every news company in America slanted. Yeah, that's weird Just tell me what happened like people have gone to local news because they're just like this guy got that too I mean is it but just not talking about hard-hitting shit. So the PBS NewsHour does this and nobody watches it because it's too fucking boring Well, there you go. Is that right? A guy getting shot at a bank is boring?

Well they don't do that news, they do world news, but people are just like, this is just factual, I could get this from a blog post, I don't need, I wanna hear what you think of it. A squirrel. Tell me what to think of it. Anytime I see weather still on TV, I'm like man your days must be numbered.

Oh yeah. Because I'm still, I'm still, I can just, look at her phone. There's a person eating up airtime with this shit. I know I know Well, sometimes it's a smoke show of a lady and it's tight dress that helps that helps But yeah, but also you only really look at that You only really want that stuff when it's a disaster when it's a hurricane true remember the old days of the news like some guys over in fucking Darfur with a helmet on he's like I'm out here There's wind blowing and a fucking bomb goes over his head. You don't see that guy. People were doing that in Israel and

Oh are they? Okay. There were. Jesus. That's ridiculous. What are we doing here? You know it's 27 degrees, but I'm not upset about it for some reason. Yeah, I didn't even notice the temp. Yeah. Good golly. Jesus Christ. That is a tight fit. That is, as Mark said, an hourglass figure. I mean, this one's not. This outfit's ridiculous.

That's a yoga thing. Oh, no, it's a dress. He liked it. Oh my god, what a caboose. Oh This is a this is Kalendar. This is Hispanic. That's why they can still get away with that now. We got fucking Al Roker Like this am throwing of those oh That would be comedy that's Big Mama's house right there Is he still alive? Yeah, Roker Roker's's alive. I love Al Roker. Do you?

I just think he's always smiling. He's a breath of fresh air. He's like the absent of Al Sharpton. I had a friend growing up and she was throwing up on the street once. She was so drunk and Al Roker walked by her with his wife and he goes, well that's just despicable. Oh no. Imagine waking up hungover and being like, did Al Roker call me despicable. It was probably fat our Roker too, wasn't it? Yeah bitch This dude shamed her I miss fat Al Roker

Yeah, well, you'd be missing him more if he stayed That'd be funny if he did your friend puking but did it like the weather we got a forecast I'm gonna have no future and a hangover tomorrow. Oh man. You got any peeves? I got peeves. I got a peeve. Alright, hit me, because I gotta look at mine.

So I'm texting my girlfriend the other day, I say, hey, are you coming home after work? And she goes, why? What do you mean why? Why? Because I'm strangling prostitutes and I don't want to get caught. What do you mean why? Why? Cause I'm strangling prostitutes and I don't want to get caught. What do you mean why? Cause I want to know if I'm going to see you or not.

Wow, that's funny. I hate the, the annoyed and suspicion. Yeah. And I'm just asking a very simple question. Hey, when do I see you next? Yeah. And it's a, it's a nice thing. I know. It would be weird if you were like, uh,

you're not going to be home, are you? And then she's like, why? That I get, but it's- I'm trying to get rid of a body, yeah. Yeah. No, that's no good. What do you got? I'm with ya.

Now this is something that you do. So I wrote it down instantly. Not the end of the world. You're not bad at it. Some people are worse, but how about this one? You get the text from a friend, yo! And you go, yeah? And then they tell you the thing. Oh, they rope you in?

They rope you in. Because they want like, because they're gonna, I get this, because they're gonna ask something annoying, and they wanna make sure they have you on the line first. I'm Al Roper. Yeah, yeah, Roper. Wasn't he a movie critic?

I was doing Al Roper. I know, I know. Richard Roper. There you go. But you can't rope me. Your text has got to be interesting off the jump. You can't rope me in. Yeah. So I don't like the rope.

So tell me in the future what the text should be. You go, what are you doing tomorrow for lunch? Why? That's it. You can't go, yo, what are you doing tomorrow for lunch? Because now you got me on the hook. Yo, what are you doing tomorrow for lunch? Why? That's it. You can't go, yo, what are you doing tomorrow for lunch? Cause now you got me on the hook.

Ah, I know you're there. The hook's a trick. Ah, I know that you're there. Hey, you just want an immediate, what are you doing for tomorrow? Yes. I'm waiting on that. Get right to it.

I'll only do the, what are you doing tonight if it's something great. Okay, yeah. I'm only gonna put you on the line cause I hate that shit. Yeah, so now what I do is you write, yo, and I just wait. I wait for the second one to come in.

I'm not giving you the satisfaction of the rope. I got my parents' tickets to the Broadway show. I said, what are you doing Tuesday night? Oh, that's nice. So that's different. Instead of the, but if what are you doing Tuesday night, I need someone to drive me to the airport that's different right rope someone in it's got to be good there you go that's my that's my rule with that yeah cuz as

a booker who always does bad shows and he hits me up with like hey my man and I'm like I'm not answering that I get so many of those people were like what do you do in it's always like months out are you doing September are you doing September 15th? Yeah, I don't fucking know What do you mean? What am I doing? Oh, and how about this one? What do you know a next? I don't fucking know and when I know I'm not gonna tell your ass cuz that means I have to do your thing It's good for me All right, I got one more and then I'll let you you go now and then I'll go I just did one All right, let me see if you have have one let me see if I got another one

Oh this bugged me today. I got a tea. I already had coffee I'm like I'll switch it up over tea the allergies are getting me so I get a tea first off It's four dollars, which is like pretty steep these days a cup of water. Yeah, and then The screen comes up the tip screen. It's automatically on a $2 tip I understand the option to give $2, but now I'm an asshole if I move from the 2 to the 1 totally so one I'm giving none. I'll give fuck these people 25% is is is a nice tip For a tea for a tea. Oh you did with poor water on it Yeah, I gave the two I got killed in another time to give the two what could you do or pour water on it. Yeah. But I gave the two. I got guilted into the two.

You have to give the two. What could you do or else you're a pariah? But I think that's a dick move to put it on. It is. Like, you know. Very dick move. When I was banging, you go to a bar, you get a whiskey, you give a dollar.

Everything was a dollar. Yeah, but you gotta pay, I mean, things change. You don't wanna be one of those older people who's tipping what you tipped when you were young. I guess, but I thought that was a decent, I feel like a dollar was almost a lot like oh you gave me a beat You open a beer I give you a dollar and I pay for the drink Yeah, now it's like I was with the wife and I was like well what do we have four drinks? She was like well you got a tip 20% each one of those drinks is nine dollars

I'm like I'm doing 20. You know who never does this shit immigrants And that's why we hate them That's why we fucking love I love the immigrants because you never see them doing like 50% tip for opening a fucking jar that's true you know that's true they do the job and you pay for the job yeah I mean look I'm down to do a tip I get it the coffee the breweries thing I'll throw a tip but like the the expectation of a 50% tip to me is is annoying I agree and now you're tipping at the airport by the way we go you buy like the expectation of a 50% tip to me is annoying.

I agree, and now you're tipping at the airport, by the way. You buy an airport at LaGuardia, you go to like a Hudson News, you buy a bunch of shit, and there's a tip on there now. Yeah. At the airport. You're talking about when you're swiping it yourself?

You're scanning it yourself? No, no, no, when there's a lady. Oh, okay. But I'm like, this used to not tip, and now I'm tipping you because I should. Oh, I used to have a bit about, I know a bit about how there was a fucking, there was a tip at the coffee place. Uh huh, there's your tip.

And it was, it was a self-service pour. And I did it, I fucking gave in, I always give in. How long till we're tipping on the airplane? You know, you get the lady with the cocktail and you go, here's an extra dollar, for the day deserve they deserve tips those are the people that deserve tips don't get them she that's true that's a fucking that's a tough job and what they're doing is actually very difficult I think well you're gonna cause terrorism if you keep it in the tip if you keep up in it

everywhere there's gonna be another Al Jazeera she goes where's the temp ah blows up a flame I forgot about the dynamite fest I haven't seen that in a while all right this guy's annoying me a little on the on the peeve front you're good you ever have this guy first I had this one in the elevator this is all elevator based I'm in a hurry I got my opener downstairs and I go, we're meeting down in the lobby at 6.30. And he goes, great. And this guy's punctual. He's always on time.

So the elevator's- Love that. Toast to the punctuality. Agreed. Here, here. You're a rare breed. So I had 6.28. So I go, great.

I got some perfect time elevator. And I get this guy. I'm on the 10th floor. I'm trying to get to the lobby. Boom, stop at six. Hey, what are you gonna do? Some other guy gets on, still 629, I'm gonna make it. Holds the door, hey Charlie! We're in here waiting for you.

I hear Charlie's in the hallway going, hold it, I'm coming. And I'm like, ugh. I was gonna make my 630 right on the dot and now it's gonna be 631, 632, and then he's holding the door and he goes, hey, what are you doing tonight? Now he's trying to be chummy, because he's holding the door. So I go, I'm going to a show.

And he goes, oh, what show? I go, I'm going to see a comedian. I don't want to tell him I'm a comedian. So he's like, oh, who's playing? He goes, the little guy, the little guy. And I go, Brad Williams? He goes it goes the little guy the little guy and I go Brad Williams He goes oh that guy's fucking hilarious. I love Brad Williams. Oh my god. I hate this guy. He's a lot when he said What are you doing? He's avoiding small talk now hit the fucking clothes, but I know so I'm doing this He's doing this shit Charlie finally shows up. He's got two cases of beer or whatever. He's smoking a cigar

He's fucking asshole. He gets on and he goes, what are you doing? I go, I'm going to a comedy show. And he goes, don't ask, it's not Brad Williams. He says that to his friends. I'm like, who the fuck are these knuckleheads? So we stop again at this other floor. Now we're on three. So I'm way over time. I'm late. We get on, the new guy gets on and he's taking a minute and the door won't... You know how sometimes it just doesn't close? So the guy, Charlie's friend, is just going... And hitting the door close, like, 800 times.

Door close, door close. I don't love the door close button guy. If you're gonna hit it, hit it. Guy's got an anger problem. He's got a problem. Guy's always like hitting it, and you're like, alright, it's not fucking working. Yeah, so we waited on his ass, and him and him and Charlie and their beer and the Brad Williams But now the doors taking too long so he's pissed

So I just hated this guy completely and I got down there at 633 and I apologize person to peeve Yeah, he's a whole peeve but it was a quite an elevator ride I hate when you're right about to be on time when something happens. Yes, you've to yeah. Yes. Yeah, I mean When you're just like, you plan it perfectly and something goes wrong, like the train's down. I was late to like a memorial recently because the fucking train was down and it's all the way in the Upper East Side.

Like I don't wanna fucking, what am I gonna, cab it takes forever at rush hour. Anytime I have to do anything at rush hour, I've like based my life around not having to do shit at rush hour. 100%. Guys who are about to leave and deal with rush hour. 5.30

But uh, but yeah, so whenever I get hit with it, I'm like ugh. And uh... People do that every day. I know. Twice a day. Fuck. Did I commute? You ever done the commute at rush hour? Oh my god.

I got into cab this week. Rush hour. The fucking meter started at $10 I saw that 650 for whatever and then 350 to start the cab and why you for surcharge how it is now just getting in the cab is 650 plus three plus yeah I looked at the guy the other day charge me five dollars he pulled over he

fucking lowered the windows like 20% tip I hope you tipped yeah maybe do it but yeah the cabs are crazy and then you go this is why we take uber because I can't do it I but yeah the cabs are crazy, and then you go. This is why we take uber Because I can't do it. I'm fucking I'll stay with the cabs. Yeah fucking hate the ubers, too Don't do it, too. They'll fucking don't get you till get you know they'll surge you on the rain. No Jenna mass shooting You're trying to get out there Surges a lot of people are asking for us drivers name search. Oh you fucker. What are we period? Sinked up over here?

You're not even a comedian. I gotta step it up. What is this, the shit bag? Yeah, it's a shit, she's got a fuckin', her name's Winnie, by the way. But, no, I gotta, yeah, she was supposed to go. You saw that walk before, something was fucking out, but I don't wanna be late for the pod the pod so old wing is holding a deuce. I thought she was about to drop on Vince McMahon

Man I watched WrestleMania man was fun. Oh really my lady likes it. It's fun man. He's a keeper Like WrestleMania is a man the rock the rock shows up what? Undertaker John Cena it was pretty crazy. Wow! Who's who? It was pretty fun. Welcome to The Rock. I respect these guys, man. They're fucking putting their body on the line. It's crazy. Oh yeah. And The Rock went on against Biden.

No, he just didn't go for anyone. Didn't go for anyone. He, which is, I mean, you know, is anyone like, I'm not voting till the rock comes out and endorses someone. Who did Stone Cold endorse? You know, it's like, you know. Well, he is. I will say his tequila is pretty damn good. It's not bad. It's pretty good.

It's better than Clooney's. You think so? I think so. What's it called again? So with the tea, Casamicos, no, Terra Mana, their mana. Yeah. I think you love Clooney's. I thought I'm on it. Yeah, I think you love Clooney's I thought I'm over it I read a whole article about how much how much it's got additives in it And I talked to a tequila guy and he was like it shit. I don't I'm not trying to besmirch I'm not pulling a rogue in here, but I just think rocks got a good tequila. Yeah, I think you know who's got a good whiskey

us Whiskey bodega cat whiskey com folks you hear that gaff again get out of our turf yeah what's going on here I don't know but it ain't a ride I'll tell you that who made this horrific Photoshop they should be strung up and chop their feet off the French the Orson Welles rules. I was talking to Winston Churchill's wife. I was in Milan talking to Macron. I couldn't think of a international leader. How is it, any wrecks or what?

Well, I've been enjoying Manhunt. All right, man, we'll check that out. It's a great premise. Apple's got so much shit now. The premise, and I'm learning a lot about American history just by watching it. I gotta watch it the Secretary of State and the Johnson it's basically like MAGA versus Progressives and it's a lot of similarities today. It's fun everything repeats itself. It's amazing. It really does

So yeah Apple TV manh, John Wilkes Booth running away, they nailed it, he shoots him in the back of the head, you know the story. Oh yeah. Six Semper Terran SELs, Death to Tyrants, and then he jumps onto the stage, and he's an actor, so it's like Brad Pitt.

Well he made it. Yeah, he made it. Now he's famous. So now he's hiking through Virginia, trying to get away from the popo. Damn. On a broken leg? On a broken leg,

because he jumped off the balcony onto the stage, broke his leg. Break a leg? Oh! There we go. I never put the, you know where that comes from? No. You ready for this?

You know when you're at a theater and there's a couple of mini curtains before the comes from? No. You ready for this? You know when you're at a theater and there's a couple of mini curtains before the big curtain? Yeah. Those are called legs. When you break through that leg, Oh, break. You owe this money,

that means you're gonna get paid. So it's like break a leg, get through the leg, and get on that stage, you're getting paid. Give it a go! I love it. I might've pulled that out of my ass. If you made that up, you're getting paid. Give it a go! I love it. I might have pulled that out of my ass. If you made that up, I totally believed it.

Ha ha ha, some grip told me that and I bought it. Some director told me that it means, it's a stage phrase meaning may you break a leg with the number of bows you have to take. Now we're gonna find out who's right. All right, all right, here we go. Let's put some money on it, huh? All right, what do you got? I'm gonna go off this grip get a grip. Yeah, anything. I'm going with Wilkes Booth. Oh

We got a three-way way here some say originated it was a beef in times When instead of applause the audience would bang their chairs on the ground and if they liked it enough the leg of the chair Would break I think this is a push mmM The most common theory refers to an actor they liked it enough the leg of the chair would break I think this is a push hmm the most common theory refers to an actor liked enough they beat you and raped you that's how you know you gave a great show and you would sometimes break a leg when they assaulted you there you go well then I heard if you say have a good show that's bad luck or something good luck don't say good luck don't look at bad luck they say so they see yeah they say break a leg also. I'm like I have someone says have a good set

It's it's I'm not a psycho other plausible theories The term break a leg may refer to a performer bowing or cursing to the audience and then I'll break a leg is a bow When you have to bow you bend your leg maybe okay and break sounds cooler than bend a leg Yeah, yeah everything in show business to be violent. You don't you don't you know you're killing your murdering bow you bend your leg maybe. Oh okay. And break sounds cooler than bend a leg. Yeah. Everything in show business has to be violent you don't you know. You're killing, you're murdering, you're slaughtering. Crushed. Oh and here's marks here. The edge of the stage is just beyond the vantage point of the audience, forms a line, imaginary or actually marked that can be referred to as the leg line. Okay. Alright we're both

right and we're both wrong. Alright there you go I love a good origin. We're half in the bag. We got shows today. Cut that part. Yeah. Cut me asking. Thanks folks. Get some bodega cat. I'm all over the road. Who knows when this comes out, but I'll be in Minneapolis, Madison, Bloomington, Evansville, LA, Coachella Valley, Victoria, BC, Vancouver, Royal Oak, Michigan, Fort Wayne, Indiana, West Palm Beach, Fort Myers, Beantown, Boston, Munhall, PA, which I guess is Pittsburgh, Seattle and Spokane. Punchuplive.com, Mark Norman, also slash Sam Morrill. Yeah, punchup.livelive slash either of our names,

both of our names if you could, be great. We got, I just added the Brea Improv, June 7th through 9th. The Miami Improv, June 13th through 15th. June 22nd, Atlantic City with Krista Stefano. And June 27th through 29th, Rochester, New York at Comedy of the Carlson. You can get my tickets at samorail.com

or punchup.live slash samorail. Get your bodega cat, we love you. Thanks for listening, guys. Oh yeah, thank you, praise Allah. I've had a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way

We might be true