We Might Be Drunk - Ep 182: Colin Quinn & Rachel Feinstein

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

Two of the best comedians with two of the best specials of 2024 on the same episode, you are in for a treat tonight. Join us for some comedy fun with these comedy legends. Check out Colin's YouTube special "Our Time Is Up" currently out now on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-PGVxGEpA0&t=6s Go watch Rachel's special "Big Guy" on Netflix now! https://tinyurl.com/BigGuySpecial Colin Quinn: https://colinquinn.com/ Rachel Feinstein: https://rachel-feinstein.com/ Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/ Mark Normand: https://marknormandcomedy.com/ Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Bodega Cat: http://www.bodegacatspirits.com We Might Be Drunk is produced, recorded and edited by Gotham Production Studios. Head producer: Matthew Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/ If you want to start a podcast contact [e-mail] for a discount on services when referred by WMBD! Support the show and get 20% off your 1 st Sheath order at https://www.sheathunderwear.com with promo code DRUNK

What I'm doing right now what you're rubbing stuff on your legs you're getting a male viewership up wiki feet Before we even start Colin Quinn with an amazing new special on YouTube Watch it right after this and Rachel finds down with an amazing new special on YouTube. Watch it right after this and Rachel Feinstein with an amazing new special on Netflix. Check them both out. Big guy. I watch it with the ladies, she's a huge fan.

Really? Oh yeah. She's always been very nice to me. And she hates women. Is a beauty. Hey. Oh. Can I just say that last time I was on here,

there was a comment that somebody made about my knees. They wrote like, ouch, look at her knees or something and so Around the firehouse Because the last time I was on your podcast you can't let the commenters win If you write a negative comment to all my haters out there When if you write a negative comment this is to all my haters out there Wow, we're gonna pick comment about me. Yeah, I will immediately internalize it as fact and your voice Can't tell them that I know this is weak. This is chumming the water opening here. Oh my god water with a shirt But I'm sorry they said they go knees ouch and then ever since then I've been obsessed with maybe maybe they meant like ouch

Mama-sita yeah There are a little lumpy now Don't know these knots looks like rotten milk what the hell What do you got on there you need some knee pads Alright, who got on there? You need some knee pads. Shit. All right, who hit you there, Aunt Nancy Kerrigan? Tanya Orton? Oh my God.

Her husband was Chris Brown, Jesus Christ. Yeah, did you meet Diddy recently? All right. Knee Diddy. This is gonna be a fun one, I feel like. Oh God. Yeah, what are you pouring there? Rachel wanted Prosecco.

Whoa, Nellie, you do one Netflix special, you gotta have the good bubbly. Yeah. is $5.99 this bottle. By the way you should never raise anything good on me. Is this a good bottle? What do you think this is? Flagrant 2? Somebody comes from money. Generational wealth. You got that right sister. Oh boy. So Quinn, I mean you just shot it in DC at a... What were you thinking? What was that? That psychiatrist... Yeah you did a corporate. No one shoots a corporate. You want those hidden. Something different. Alright. Who cares at this point? It's killer's no killer, dude. Plus, I wanted to do it because what happened was I was doing a show and these four psychiatrists are in the audience.

And then, so I was like, oh my god, the whole thing relates. Everything relates to everything. Oh, I see. Well, relates. Everything relates if you wanted to. You don't want to shoot that in Albany. I don't want to be like Terrence Howard, but no. Everything want if you wanted to you don't shoot that in Albany I don't be like Terrence Howard, but I'm too dumb to know if what he's saying is true, but that's what I mean

I mean this guy I run so dumb around Colin like I never want to ask him follow-up questions So he knows how stupid I really know he means Terrence Howard right yeah Well, he's just saying shit like I don't, I don't know. Terrence Howard's saying things, but it sounds so intelligent. You're like, I can't believe this guy, even if it's insane, it totally connects. You're like, oh. Does it? Yeah. Well, I mean, when he says like the Pythagorean theorem, he goes, well, starting with the premise that the world is flat, so everything's in flat lines when it should have been curved. And I'm like like that kind of makes sense oh interesting so even if it's not true it does make sense yeah but they always go too far if you keep listening so it's a Pythagorean

that means the earth is flat you're like whoa how'd we get here you had me for a second right I don't even know a Pythagorean I don't even know any of it I'm a dizzy bitch I'm a dizzy bitch with nice knees. That's the only way we run. The bee's knees. The bee's knees. No, but you know how there's people you run dumb around and others you run smarter? I run people dumb around Colin, you know, because he's just, you have actual history.

And you know, I always kind of feel like I'm faking it and then I get credit for being smart because I'm like sarcastic and Jewish. I actually have no information about anything. But I feel like most comedians really are smart. Even if they're not. Book smart. Yeah, they're smart. There's just something smart about comedians.

Can you lift my chin up and say that again? Ha ha ha ha. What the hell are you pulling? Oh, someone said this is the. Someone's getting an organ change now. I love that picture, that was like Ellie Gould. It is. Long kiss.

Long goodbye. What's going on? But somebody said that this was like Ellie Gould. It is. Long kiss. Long goodbye. What's going on? But somebody said that this was Terrence Howard on Rogan. Oh, that's funny. All of the stuff up like that, but we actually, we did it all with sound, right? We did it with sound. Ah!

And then we had a blanket. Just a POW in the tub. And it came down like that. This is almost, oh, is that Robert Downey? Yeah, it's behind the scenes from Tropic Thunder. Oh, that's fun. So we've been working on his brow shop room. We just embedded a crown shop.

And that's why he's been tripping. This is what it's like in Cat Williams' green room. It's an old ass shop. We have problems on people's backs and shit. That's quite a rider. I need a white guy in a tub with shirtless. Oh my stars. Before we leave, we need to end this pod with at least a couple of Colin Quinn movie wrecks.

Oh! Colin is like, well, just put a pin in that for later. Okay. Okay, but this is tough because we got two bangers right here, two specials out simultaneously. We're competing against each other. I know. Right. It's me or Colin.

We're both trying to usurp Keith Robinson Robinson if you don't know at home, he's the oldest living comedian Which voice doesn't count as living When's his go June 11, yeah Keith yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a bad man Yeah, he is that's why God Dicked to me. I'll tell you that Wayne Alastair Robinson Wow what is he Muslim his home attendant is feeding him sweet peas through a straw right this very moment I can't afford a home attendant That's a shitty deal in that place. What are we talking about? That's a shitty deal on Netflix.

What are we talking about? Either way, he's definitely grabbed her ass. That's how he gets his strength back. Right. Well, yeah. So yeah, both specials, one was paid for, but you know. Yeah, they didn't pay for mine. That was the joke.

But you're out there on the YouTubes. But Quinn's going the young route, which is... I'm going rogue. Quinn's done a million specials on Netflix, everything. That's right. Yeah. But how do you feel about this one? Do you like that it's a different type of...

Yeah, I like doing it different like that. I feel like that's a good move for everybody. Do it in front of... Instead of being a good move for everybody. Oh yeah. Do it in front of, instead of being a theme, the theme is the audience. Interesting. And no notes. I reversed, well, I wouldn't say there were no notes.

I had a little, what do you call it, teleprompter on the corner. Because a lot of that stuff I never said before, not a lot of it, but at least 40%. You meant no network notes. No network notes, I meant. Oh, no, I meant no network notes. Yeah, no network notes.

No, no. The head of YouTube is like, that's not going to fly, dude. The only one you'll deal with is Homeless Pimp. He's the only one who can give you notes. He's getting successful enough, he might have to change his name from Homeless Pimp. Yeah. And change your outfit to homeless pimp is these things? He's a he's this sort of mild mannered kind of lovely quiet guy some comic probably gave him that name

But he's an area produces produces stuff I always assumed pimp was out there just combing for ass after the shows and they just like right right I want to say he's not punished leftover. You-Stefano puss, but it turns out he's a lovely man. Great guy. And he doesn't try to punish any leftover puss at all. No. He's kind of just a smart, creative guy. It's funny what I assume about men.

I'm like, you dirty little bitch. I know what you're up to. Sure. Turns out to be just a reasonable guy. Well, he does dress like a cult leader from the 70s. For some reason. He's got flowers on his shirt and giant pants. There he is with weird Elton John glass. Look at that. Yeah. What is this outfit? But he's a creative genius.

Oh my god, he is. I mean I saw the Chaz thing that he's doing right there. It's amazing. Really? It's amazing. It's amazing that Chaz Palmiteri is getting directed by Homeless Pimp. Yeah. Fucking Chaz Palmiteri. Yeah. What the hell? I know. This business going over. But it's pretty amazing. All right.

So he was great. No, he's great. It's just the name. So yeah. You're special, what we're saying. No notes, YouTube. No notes, YouTube, just put it up. Okay, and it's great.

Yeah, thanks. Loved it. Here's the thing about a Colin joke, I've probably said it before. Colin jokes. Colin Quinn jokes is that there's a lot of comics, you hear their jokes and you're like, fuck, I almost came up with that. I could have come up with that

if my mind had run around that for a few more laps. I would have, that would have been my joke. With Colin's jokes, you could have run over it forever and ever and I wouldn't have come up with that angle. Like you still have a thing where I'm like, I would never have, yeah, my mind wasn't, it wasn't gonna do that. Yes yes you have a great way of stepping back and seeing everything for what it is because we're all in the middle of it

we don't see it right this cuz I'm 90 guys what he is you'll be able to do it you're doing that in the 60s you and professor Erwin Corey we're fucking dominating oh my god I mean Colin like when he was like when you were like 20 Yeah. You and Professor Erwin Corey were fucking dominating the scene back then. Oh my God. I mean, brother- You guys had Colin like when he was like, when you were like 20, 21. Oh. You would have probably been able to bag

just about any skirt. Eye on quail eggs with a mustache. Yeah, you could tell him anything and they'd believe it because he had a few facts to sprinkle in. Yeah, there's that Irish boy. Yeah. Look at that, McGregor eating hard. I was 19, I was like McGregor.

Yeah. I think I could have fought McGregor back then. Maybe. Yeah. Look how cute. Look at that McGregor eating hard. I was 19, I was like McGregor. Yeah. I think I could have fought McGregor back then. Hey me. Yeah. Look at that. I was 19. My favorite Colin Quinn story, one of my favorites, is in your book where you talk about being Colum.

Oh, the Irish guy. The Irish poet laureate. Yeah. At the bars. That's a hunk right there. I would go to the bar and I would put on an Irish accent and I was by myself, cause no was going to hang out with me because I was a real, I mean I was a bad drunk. And I would just show up at the bar and those of you who smoke at the bar and I'd just go

hey I'm here, my name's Colum and I start talking to all the people and every time it was the funniest pattern all over the fucking university place, there's a lot of bars back. Yeah. And then like 30, like the East Village was just starting to pop. And I'd be stumbling around. But I put in this accent and a lot of people like, oh, this guy's Irish. Felt fast. I left on the shady surface. This is during the whole hunger strike and shit. Right. And then but every time the bartender would just give me a scowl

because they fucking knew this guy knew they knew the type I guess Oh, maybe fucking few when I'd be like this fuck. Did you ever run into a real Irishman? Maybe if I did I kept going now, we didn't get you laid. Oh wouldn't it broke? I don't think it really got me laid. It got me in a couple of Fights, but but I used to get no what happened is I'd go after hours One time I was just thinking about this last night as I was walking on Prince Street. I met this girl after hours and there was a guy with us too, but I think I put this in a book. But anyway, these used to be after hours, used to be all the mafia places, used to be

on Sullivan Street, late, House Street. There was like five after hours places. Every time I passed now I'm like, these places were after hours like 8 in the street. There's like five after hours places. Every time I pass now, I'm like, these places were after hours, like eight in the morning. I mean, this guy, he goes, yeah, I like that girl. You know, she like me. He gave me the keys to here, these big chunk of keys. He was visiting some apartment on Bleecker Street. I went over there with her, had sex with her, left and just left but forgot to bring him back the keys. I had to bring back the keys. I had them in my pocket. When I woke up, and me and I went to this bodega like eight in the morning, we were like making out in a bodega. Then I went to the same after I was there next night,

and the guy literally... Oh, you had the keys the whole time. He had the keys. He couldn't go back to his room. Poor guy lost his job. I know. Yeah, it was like rental. It was a rental. Right at fall, it's coming, this guy's gonna be dismissed from work. I remember, he's in Chicago. And that was pre, you couldn't just text you. You had to just wait the 24 hours. Yeah, I just waited till he saw me,

and he couldn't believe I was back. And did he give you a nice punch in the face? Oh, we fucking, we tossed him all over the floor. Really? I was so drunk, I was like, I was in the right in my mind. Right, right. He was trying to fuck her, but I was with it, you know. How many, they're not, you know, fist fights

don't happen enough these days. I have to say. Because everyone knows MMA. That's true. You don't want to fight a dude... No, these guys are killers now. Yeah. Muay Thai, all this shit.

Even dudes you wouldn't suspect... I have friends who, like, you wouldn't think they could fuck shit up, but they're like, that's their whole thing. Fucking Pete Lee is like a black belt. Yeah, can you imagine getting your ass kicked like, Oh, hey, yeah, pal. Yeah. Exactly.

That guy's beating the shit out of you, it's discouraging. You never know. There's something about like, Jiu Jitsu though, and some of you, it's discouraging. You never know. There's something about Jiu Jitsu though, and some of those that are just ridiculous. Just to beat, because you're also kind of furiously nestling with another man and getting beat at the same time. It's just a lot of foolishness. Well did you have an Artie Lang joke?

What did Artie Lang say? God damn it, it's such a great joke. Tell us. When it first came out, he goes, MMA, he goes, watching MMA, he's like, watch these two guys have gay sex, and halfway through through one of them realizes he's not gay. That is perfect. He's got some pearls.

I love Hardy Lane. I know. He's got my favorite Caitlyn Jenner joke. Oh yeah. You know that one? I think I've said it on here 800 times but he's like, Bruce Jenner walks down to the kitchen of that house at three in the morning and Lamar Odom's down there.

And Lamar Odom's like, man, these women are driving me crazy. I'm gonna start doing crack. And Bruce goes, wait to hear what I'm gonna do. He's got another one. Sorry to go three in a row here, but I love his joke about how the NBA is all about education. He's like, these guys are leaving high school. I don't care about it.

He's like, enough with, instead of, if they're really about education, instead of a dunk these guys are leaving high school. I don't care about it. He's like, enough with, instead of, if they're really about education, instead of a dunk contest, do a spelling bee. He goes, what would you rather see, LeBron Dunk Again or Stefan Marbury spell Wednesday? Oh, that's crazy. Crazy, great. Oh, he's crazy.

Artie's so funny. Man, he's so funny. I miss him, I miss Artie. Me too, me too. One of the only guys I've seen kill a tell, like where a tell's like, ah! Yes, Artie. Yeah, that was him. I of the only guys I've seen kill Attell, like where Attell's like, ah! Yes, Artie. Yes, that was him.

I remember I used to go to his place in Hoboken and we'd just be watching My 600-lb Life and Artie just riffing on that show is like better than any director's commentary of anything. Yeah, I'd rather watch like Artie and his sister like have breakfast. Yes!

Or anything else. Yes, yes. Oh, the greatest. He's so funny. He's amazing. Can we get him on here? Is he doing stuff? I don't know. No, he's dry Never hurts to try. That's true. So Rachel was going with your special. Yes. Yeah, you a lot of like Mean tweets back nothing yet. I mean, I'm sure it'll be ridiculous, but I a lot of knees in that special

Talking about this forever that I talked about but I but I literally I got like I got some sort of Procedure like I get like peels sometimes for my face because I have bad skin and I asked them to do it on my knees because of the comment I'm a sick bitch. I haven't seen a knee like that since Kaepernick I Will say when I was editing the special, I was like, there's something about watching yourself that's particularly disgusting. Brutal.

I was just screaming at the screen, Jason Katz, really funny, I mean really great guy, also a fun hang, and he edited the special. Most annoying man on the planet. Most what? Annoying man on the planet. He's a buddy of mine, but man, does he he get under your skin he directed one of my specials I love Jason I love Jason um but anyway so I was screaming at the screen like you pig just for the love of God what have you ever needed to say you vile

vile pig and then I was like oh maybe I can call the special vile pig I asked Dan Powell I was like hey can I call the special vile pig and he's like no not at all and then I was like sorry. You read it by me too I was like I hey, can I call this special vile pig? And he's like, no, not at all. And then I was like, sorry. You read it by me too, I was like, I don't think that's gonna translate to something people are gonna wanna watch. Yeah, that's fair. And then I was like, could I call it America's Favorite Pig, which I still think is a fun loving name

for a special, America's Favorite Pig. And he was like, no, no, you can't. And then I remember Jason saying to me at one point, he was like, listen, I know you call yourself pig a lot and say that you need to be put down like a dog when you're watching yourself. And that's all good and fun games here, but he's like, when they do the final edit

and the color people and the rest of people come in, maybe don't scream pig as much at the screen. And I was like, that's fair. But it's, yeah. She came in to the cellar one night with like five suggestions to call a special. They were all horrific. We were shocked.

Esti, all of us were stunned. We're not easy to shock. Yeah, yeah. One of them was like vile pig. What was the other one? Esti was in the Israeli military and she's like, this is rough. Yeah. Colin said I should call it Hebrew skull dropout.

That's good. That's a great title. Not for right now though. I should call it Hebrew school dropout. Oh That's good, that's a great title not for right now though that wouldn't fly today Yeah, Jordan Jensen came in the cellar the other night, and she was like I came up with this podcast title It's about death, and I call it rip Jordan Jensen and everyone thought I died. We're like yeah, you can't yeah You're dead. She did that she posted it. Oh, that's what it's called now Oh, we all told her not to do it. She's doing it She posted it. Oh, did she? That's what it's called now. Oh, wow. We all told her not to do it.

Yeah, she's doing it. There you go. She does what she wants. Yeah. What did you end up calling special? Big Guy. Oh, that's right, Big Guy, yeah. Big Guy's good.

And you get the title out in the first five minutes. Big Guy's good. Yeah, get out of the way. My husband calls me Big Guy, and he has a song that he sings around our house where he goes, hey, she's my big guy, and follows me around and says that all the time. And he's kind of an emotional desert.

So he, so I told him that I called it that and he just loved it because he, it's like the same cocktail of things that would make him say that. You know, he's just happy that it's called that. He's like, hey, I got credit. I didn't think, Because I've devastated you. Yeah, he can't really compliment.

He calls me big guy. I've been watching you do stand up for years. And I noted, have you ever gotten pushback from a person in your life who you, because I've talked about people in my act. And they're like, hey, don't talk about me in your act. So I have to take it out. Have you ever had that?

Because you've got the mom, the hubby. My mom, the one time that she got really upset about a joke, I talk a lot about how my mom wants to be black and I kind of make fun about just how like aggressively liberal she is. Like anyone that's not white has a past to do anything in the world with my mom and she like loves people so much more if they're not white. Sounds like Brooklyn. Yeah, so she'll underline anybody that's like if I'm in a conflict with anybody, even the lightest conflict, if anyone in their family isn't white, she's like, well, remember the childhood

and systematic racism. Like group in Dubai. She doesn't care about any of that. She loves it when I say those things. Because to her, it gives her street cred. Oh, that's great. So she loves it. What she didn't like was that I talk about her shawls

that she wears and I said she wears menopausal capes. Oh yeah. She told me that she's like, I was having hot flashes when I saw that joke and it just didn't hit home right. And she got very upset. I guess she was like in the throes of menopause which she heard me call her shawls, menopausal capes.

And that was the one thing where she was like, take it out of your. That's like a liberal mom thing. My mom is also like where she will, she'll side with like anyone but me. Like I'll be like, oh I had this awful thing happen on the airline. She's like, well, you know, they're having a hard time and I'm like, you're my mom, you're siding with United? Yeah. This is fucking unacceptable. Yeah.

Is she with Palestine? But there is something about like I don't know yeah You're like any group that in them like airlines doesn't count But any group that they could see as marginalized in some way they will side with over their own kid, right? It's just a weird liberal thing that is yeah It's I feel like also it's I don't know if it's part of why we're comics But we get our final like statements to the world It's like our little final arguments because I feel like my family's, I don't know if it's part of why we're comics, but we get our final statements to the world, it's like our little final arguments, because I feel like with my family, you had to make a whole testimonial to be believed

about anything. Good point. And your dad's a lawyer, right? And my dad's a lawyer, yeah, so I over-apologize, I over-explain, because my mom is kind of like a never-ending victim. I mean, she's a good person, but she's always just like, well, Jesus, Rachel, I do my best.

Like, and I had a boyfriend. A little Gloria Soprano. Oh yes, and I had a boyfriend in high school that like cheated on me, and I was like, mom, he cheated on me, and I caught him, and she was like, well, remember that his mother was in Car- Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! And she was like, write him a letter. Write him a letter. Write him a letter. Write him a letter. Write him a letter. And acknowledge some of his childhood. I'm like, he's inside of another woman, right?

Right. Wow. Yeah, and she was like, write him a letter, acknowledge like systematic racism and the fact that his mother was, which also is almost racist. Like, you know? Yeah, exactly, exactly.

Of course it is. It's knocking on that door. It becomes racist again. Exactly. Yeah. You get that from your parents at all or no? I mean, no, I mean, but. Irish. Yeah. You get that from your parents at all or no? I mean, no. I mean, but-

Irish. Yeah. I mean, we didn't, first of all, no relationship talk whatsoever. You were on your own with, you know. Right. They don't talk about like sex and stuff like that. Same. Ever.

Too sinful. What's that? Because- I mean, even though they weren't like that, it just- But you don't talk about it in your act. Like, it's funny, we all talk about sex in our act. You stay away from it. I stay away from sex because it's shameful.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I mean, I used to talk about sex a lot, but I mean, I just, I don't know, it never... You know what, I'll tell you the biggest problem with talking about sex in my act, it never works. I don't know what it is. Really? When I try to talk about sex...

Probably because you're uncomfortable with it. You're not, yeah. Right. They can feel it is. Really? When I try to turn on sex. You're uncomfortable with it. They can feel it. It must be that. Or it was almost too like, like I'm trying not to do like, the problem is I think you have to be cute with sex. And I feel like my sexual material is not cute. What do you mean by cute? Like you have to be light about it. And I feel like there was some energy I'm putting forth where people are like, what's going on here? You don't want to go anal fisting. You got to be kind of surface level.

You know what, you say anal fisting but Attell will do like anal stuff that is so silly. Yeah, true. Right. Like he's got the, you know, you got to say something when you take the anal beads out, the winning lot of the Powerball numbers are, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. when you take the anal beads out, the winning lot of power bone numbers are, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like so, it's so. They're all the same color in the end.

Yeah. I used to, I'll tell you, I'll tell you a sex joke right now because I don't do them anymore, I don't mind burning them. Please. One of them was, he goes, please, one of them was, I used to say, if you ever, I said I was going down on this girl once and then she, she tapped and then she tapped my head.

Like she tapped you out? Yeah, like she tapped my head like a cop with a nightstick waking up a drunk on the subway. That's fun. And it was something like that, and it was just, I was like, ah, you know, but just for some reason it's always been weird. I feel like I over-explained it or something.

Because you feel like he is watching. I already read that. The Lord? Christ is disgusted. He thinks you're a dirty little bitch when you're saying that. I think it's because your jokes are clean. I think your act is pretty clean.

Like there's edge to it, but that's like a clean sex joke, I think is what it is. Yeah. Even that joke, yeah, it's not, there's no, yeah, there's no liquids. So I know what you mean. Right, right, fluids. There's definitely a reason I don't do a lot of sex stuff.

Yeah. I have a few things that they work. I mean, sex stuff is great because it does work. It kills. I mean, it kills. Yeah. And like even now, one thing in my whole act, it's just biggest dick joke,

and it kills like nothing else. And I'm just like, and then one of these people comes up to me afterwards and he goes, hey man, it was great. Sorry, the dick joke got your biggest laugh. I'm like, I love it. Like somebody's just being like an audience member being like, hey man, I get it. Right.

I'm savvy. Yeah, they always have to have the worst compliment. The worst compliment that gifts you with a new insecurity. Yes. Dude, are you biggest fan? My wife hates you. Number one with a bullet, she can't stand you. I have to listen to you in the basement with headphones.

Blah, blah, blah. And I always say, I don't agree with you, but I think you're really funny. Who cares if you agree with me? I'm not there to be agree with you is amazing People say all the time yeah, that's so funny that people would say I don't agree. Oh, you're not saying anything like that I mean like you I guess it is there's opinion in there, but it's not like anything. That's like that divisive. That's what's weird But nowadays everything's fucking device. You're right true. It's all political No, it's all Everything you say is political.

If you don't say anything, people go, we hear your silence. It's violence. You know that great joke about the thing about the Civil War is you have to see each other right after? Oh, yeah. That's a great observation. They're like right there. Right.

Right. Yeah. And a lot of people will tell you what your joke's about. And I'm like, tell me whatever you want, but you don't know what my joke's about, you dumb ass. Somebody wrote something about, I had this joke about my mom being really liberal and how she would have preferred if I married a genderless Kenyan composter

than an Irish guy, a fireman. And somebody was like, at the heart of it, it's a joke about, it's an anti-Kenyan joke. And I'm like, don't tell me what my point of my joke is. I've never heard a dumber like idea in my life It's just a bad premise. Yeah I've never heard a dumber sense like that makes me need a nap to even understand what he thinks I was trying to say it's such specific racism that like even the racists would be like I don't have the time to break it

down You know I had a joke about like how I was, most of my sexual jokes are just about how I'm bad at bed or underwhelming in some way. But no matter what I do about sex, I feel like people always call you dirty, especially if you're like a girl. So I'll do like an hour of stuff about my mom

and my grandmother's voice and I'll do one sex joke. Remember this MC in Vegas got back on stage after I got off and he goes, "'Ooh, she was a dirty birdie, needs a spanking for that.' He suggested I needed a spanking for being so naughty." Can you imagine him doing that with like Norton or something? Right, right. Oh, that's a dirty birdie.

He was like, "'She's a dirty little birdie, needs a spanking.'" Yeah, people always do that. You'll have like three jokes about feet. People are like, all right, enough with the feet stuff. Well, that's all you heard. I did 20 minutes on anal fisting and that didn't fly. But the feet thing they caught.

You know who else doesn't talk about sex is Bill Burr. Never talks about sex. Oh. Another Irish Catholic. Exactly. I'd probably grew up that way. That's really interesting. I mean, not now, but yeah.

But I feel like I do talk about sex, but I just don't talk about it a lot. Yeah. I feel like I definitely do. I think we see you as a little professorial. Some of Burr's earlier stuff is their sex. Yeah, maybe. He had a bit back in the day about like,

fuck, I'm butchering it, but it was about like how he. Dude, the accent. Dude, you know what the problem is brutal? No, he did a little bit. I also feel like a lot of the guys that really clean up puss wise Don't you talk about sex that much? I'm sorry, but Colin in his day. Oh good numbers. Sure bill also Showed that picture. Elliot Gould was a hunk. Look at him.

He's the first Jewish sex symbol. That was the years of the Jewish sex symbols. George Siegel. James Kahn. Elliot Gould. Oh, dude, California split, both of them together. Yeah, I know. There was a lot of that.

And it was like, there was a guy named- Lauren Bacall, also a Jew. Really? Who? Lauren Bacall. Oh? Lauren Bacall. Oh, Lauren Bacall. I didn't know that. Yeah, she was Jewish.

And she, I think she changed her name, but I read her autobiography. Betty. And it's amazing. Betty. Yes, you're right. Her name was Betty. And I think it was called Me, Myself, and All by Myself,

or Me, Myself, I don't know. She's a hot lady. And she's hilarious. Her autobiography is scary. Every chapter of that book is like, you got to do the audio book, because every chapter it just ends with like, and then Kirk Douglas quoted me,

and I thought, I can't resist. It just ended with her like fucking a different dude every chapter. How about Kirk Douglas was a rapist. Yeah. Was he? What'd they say? What are you getting at? He raped Natalie Wood.

I'm getting it right from the horse's mouth. No, apparently a bad dude. I remember watching a Turner Classic movie thing, and they say it was from the horse's mouth. No, apparently a bad dude. I remember watching a Turner Classic movie thing and they say it was Robert Mitchum's son. He was like, they did Out of the Past together and he was saying Robert Mitchum hated Kirk Douglas and Robert Mitchum seems so fucking cool. I love Robert Mitchum.

Oh my God, but yeah. That's like one of my favorite movies of all time. Out of the Past is a great movie. Great movie. Natalie Portman from Israel. Wait, what's her name too? Ah, yeah, indeed. In that movie. Oh, Jane Greer, her name too? Ah, yeah, indeed. In that movie.

Oh, uh, Jane Greer? Who was it? No, the other one. Pam. Not Pam Greer. Hey, Pam Greer, since you want to talk about sex, the first person I ever jerked off to. Whoa! Foxy Brown?

Look who we got out of Colin! Feels like a humblebrag. Playboy Magazine. Oh, yeah. 1971 to 72, and the first time I jerked off, Pam Greer, nude. Wow, there you go. I got out of Collins! Feels like a humble brag. Playboy Magazine. Oh yeah. 1971 to 72, and the first time I was your girl, Pam Grier nude. Wow, there you go.

Oh, she was a foxy brown. Yeah, she was really, she was gorgeous. Marvelous. Holy moly. First time I was your girl, Pam Grier. I don't blame ya. You got a good taste there. Yeah, it was a good taste, yeah.

Woo, that tiny Irish dong was really broken in the wind. That old red rocket. She really was hot. God. Rum rocket? Red rocket. Irish dong She really was hot god rum rocket red rocket Gee, what is this National Geographic slow down? How much work you giving him that sensor? This is YouTube motherfuckers isn't Legion of skanks What are you staring at? Yeah, you're gonna get a wet dream. Oh, yeah, like he got to her bush Oh Wrist clean and like none of these pictures are the one I remember. It was from the movie. Let's try to locate the one he first jacked off to.

Yeah, let's see if he gets hard. That's still gonna be griffin'. I hope so. In Playboy? In Playboy. Like 1971. What's the cover? 71? That's pretty progressive. 72 maybe?

Who did you first hump a pillow to, Mark? Dirty dancing, the scene when the two were dancing together in their underwear. Oh, yeah, that was... That was dancing in their underwear. Oh, geez, don't make me relive it there, Quinnie. Let's see, it was Jennifer Grey and the blonde whore, whatever her name was. They were dancing in their underwear together? Yeah, they like crawled towards each other.

The one that hooked her up with an abortion? Yes, the one with the whore. I love how the whore movie was the one who knew a clinic. Here it is. Oh, this is it. horse. I love how the horror movie was the one who knew a clinic. Here it is. Oh, this is it. Oh, yes. She's in her little- Oh, they're not in underwear.

Unorthodox nose. I do. I love a honker. Yeah. Give me a Sarah Jessica P all day. I'll suck on that beak. I saw a clip of- What made you so aroused by a large snout?

I think, I don't know. I just like, he's doing a black chick, you like what's not around. I saw a clip of Rick Olsen back in the day during crowd work and he goes, you're either Jewish or an eagle with that beak. This isn't it, this is the ones in number two, I remember. They're dancing with each other, it was girl on on girl, but we you know we can do this Oh, you like to go yeah, yeah, Sam would you like to weigh in yeah way? And I think early for me was definitely wild things Denise Richards. Oh, yeah, she had tonight that she was hot as fuck

Okay, deny that I remember I did a guy's radio show once and he goes who your childhood crushes I was like oh like Denise Denise Richards. He's like who else was like I Jennifer love you it and you like smiling And then he went to break, he goes, fuck them both. Hey! Yeah. I wanted you to. It was Tom Papa.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Breaking bread and getting head. That was his, that was his old. I really filled that pita pocket. Rachel, let's, wait, let's really guess Rachel. Denise Richards is a Jewish boy's dream. Denise Richards. Yeah, she's brilliant.

Not a speck of Jew honor in sight. No. I need a little Jew. Just rinsed off, yeah. Oh, goy. Yeah, none of my mom in that one. Oh, yeah. Campbell looks a little hostage-y.

Sure, she's hot. Yeah, she could be in the hummus tunnel. Now what about? Now, Norman wants just two snouts queering off like that. Yes, yes. Just two pronounced beaks. Pecking at birds. Norman, all right, let's get the big nose

that he would like. Please. Chelsea Peretti. Oh yeah, I think she's hot. Oh, Adrienne Brody, ha ha. Ha ha ha. Wait, Rachel, who was your first fantasy, to put it politely?

Ah, I remember my mom walking in on me French kissing a Michael J. Fox poster when I was like 10 and I told her I was cleaning it. I used to French the poster and wear it down so it was kind of like wet and sweaty in the middle. I mean I would just lay it on my bed and just kind of... Yeah, Michael J. Fox was a real... And then I guess... He's a little twinkie, don't you think? There's no manly there. Now I like much thicker. I want a thick, dense thigh.

She was only 10. Sure. Yeah. That was one of your jokes in the special. You like a guy who does his own research? That was great. Oh, that's a great special. Great joke.

Definitely my type, yeah. I like a guy whose opinions would infuriate me. I had a fight with my husband once about how he said communication wasn't important in a relationship Who's the dumber person near him because I had that fight with him like I all night being like no It's it helps to talk about things right? It's crazy though. He did communicate that you're right You know, it's by the way speaking of that whole Look how cute. You know what's, by the way, speaking of that whole,

this whole dynamic, guess what the sad part was? When I saw Sam going to Dublin, next in the fly. Cause we were all in Dublin together. That was great. Oh, that's right. That was great, he abandoned us. That's Sam getting arrogant. He did?

Oh, you mean, oh he's gonna be. Yeah, because we were in Dublin all together. Yeah, that's Sam. That's you've changed. And Pete went too. I went last year. Yeah, you did? I did, at Vicar Street. The highlight, it was Dublin altogether, yeah, that's Sam. That's you've changed. And Pete went too. I went last year. Yeah, you did? I did, at Vicar Street.

The highlight, it was us four, Chrissy D and Nate, and the highlight to me was when we were in that museum and Chris let out the biggest fart ever, and we all just started laughing, and people were staring at us like, oh, these dumb American pieces of shit. Yeah. And then Chris goes, I'm sorry, I've got a daughter.

Made no sense. It was like some sort of like old drawing room and they were talking about like the importance or what sort of meetings had taken place there between the English and the Irish and then Chris rips the loudest fart, the loudest, longest fart and he's just like, come on, I'm a father.

That was an Irish car bomb. Up the rock. That was so fun. That trip to Ireland was like some of the most, I'm a father. That was an Irish car bomb. Up the rock. That was so fun. That trip to Ireland was like some of the most fun I've ever had in a group of comics. That was fun. I remember when you and Chris came to my room to say they wanted to borrow AirJump.

Yeah, sure, that's what they were doing. Gangbang. I remember when you guys ironically came to my room with hard on. They were sticking out all crazy like. Chris blocked the door. And we all, one thing, we all should have been nicer than Nate Bogatsi. Yeah, who knew he would pop?

Who knew he'd blow up after that? We thought he was a stupid idiot. I was like, who's this dickhead playing golf up in the fucking Felfast? I still feel really guilty because remember when we were at like a festival, like I think it was Bonnaroo with Nate, and I didn't know that Nate didn't drink, and I was like, have a beer with me, and he's like, nah, I'm good, I'm like, have a beer with me, are you a pussy?

I just kept pushing, and then finally he was like, yay, what the hell, and then I found I had no idea, like he hadn't drank for like four years. Yeah, then he, now I don't think he drinks anymore. Oh, he almost lost his marriage over that. I know, I do feel very, I did that to a comic, and we did that Adam Devine house party show, and I didn't know the guy had a drinking problem,

but we're in New Orleans, we're shooting this thing for Comedy Central, must have been like over 10 years, maybe 12 years ago, and I was like, dude, we gotta get fucked up, it's New Orleans, and he was like, ah, you know, I should, and I was like, all right, well I am,

it's fucking New Orleans, and then he was like, fuck was like, ah, you know, I should and I was like, all right. Well, I am it's fucking New Orleans Yeah, and then he's like he was like fuck it. He just pounds a beer He's such an asshole to everybody and I was like this guy's like a really bad drunk. I remember and and Joanne from Comedy Central He's like he's like, oh, why didn't you give me this just being a dick? This is uncomfortable. Oh, he starts shitting on me and I was like this guy's a fucking dickhead and then find out later He's an alcohol. He fell off. He'd been sober for like four months. I'm like when I was screaming Don't blame you so blame the fact you're doing Adam Devine's Thank you give anybody a drink in the episode I

Love the guys on TV right now on a TV gig. He's like you didn't give me this You didn't give me two hours. You give me a sitcom. No. That's such a comic break. Yes, exactly, all the influence coming out, fuck you. We were at a very uncomfortable dinner. We were just all sitting there and he was just like scolding them for not giving them shit. Oh, god. It was brutal. I was like, this is not. I've definitely always had the opposite mentality.

I'm always like, I'm sorry I was here, I hope I didn't mess anything up. Yeah, did I, I'm always thinking that I'm in someone's way physically. My instinct is always to be like, hey, is there, whenever people text me even like today that they watch the special, I'm like, why would they watch it? That's crazy. That's what you think, yeah. I'm always like, that's so nice. You don't have to do that. That's like, come on. You heard that on the road. You're like, what? You showed up. I'm always shocked when there's an audience. Yeah. Always. Like you've gotten a car, bought a

ticket, got a beer, sat down. This is someone's date night? My filth. Yes. Yeah. Always. Like you've gotten a car, bought a ticket, got a beer, sat down. This is someone's date night? Mike Filff? Yes, yes. It is fascinating. Exactly. I do feel like I bring couples closer together. Like a guy watches my show and he thinks to himself,

I don't rub my wife's knee enough, look at this pig. I feel like I bring people. Why do you bring the knee though? I know, I just bring them. You're obsessed with the knee. Well, I just meant, forget it. Don't bring the forgetting. I just mean that I feel like some couples watch me and then the guy feels more attracted to his wife in comparison. No shut up. Oh come on. I don't mean for these things to sound as sad as they do but. Well we don't believe them you're hot. Thanks. Yeah. Whatever I'm gonna get drunk life's crazy life's crazy the car don't you feel cut don't you when you really think about comedy

as cynical as we all are it is amazing people do love laughing if they have a great fucking it's the only thing where you guarantee like you're saying I'm gonna you're getting your money's worth There's no denying it even music. You don't really know what's going on Yeah, what do you mean with music You're watching music, but you're not necessarily satisfied. You can't really complain. because you don't really know what it is. With comedy, either you're laughing or you're not. True. I'm saying it's the only tangible...

I agree. I've definitely pretended to have fun at a music show before. Yes! I've stood there and tried to have my head in one of the things, but it's not just being feeling so... Never had fun at a music show? No, no, I'm saying there have been times we've forced ourselves to enjoy. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Watching live music before, but with laughing, it's so instinctual. I've definitely been in many music shows or concerts, trying to do the right thing with my head and feeling an archaic level of loneliness at the same time. Oh, sing it, sister. I prefer dancing when I'm alone. I feel the same way at a museum.

I feel like I should have a certain expression when I'm staring at people. That's right. I just wanna be home, sitting on my bed. Yeah, I know when I'm alone. I feel the same way to museum like I feel like I should have a certain expression when I'm staring That's right. Yeah, I just want to be home sitting on my bed. Yeah, I know Standing there looking at a painting by the way worst museum of all time the one in Dublin Yeah, we're good I was too dumb to know that it was like what the fuck is this? I like a museum where you could taste something where they have like snacks You're dumb to know that it was a basketball game. I was like, what the fuck is this? I couldn't even believe it. I like a museum where you could taste something, where they have like snacks and something edible.

What? A museum has snacks? A little ice cream? Well, they have a luncheonette upstairs sometimes. Yeah, I love the food in Dublin. Sometimes they let you have like a little snack or go inside a house. I like to be able to rifle through people's things.

What? You know what I mean, Mark? Come on, basketball. I hear you, you're like an interactive museum. Yes, thank you. I hear you. Like the Holocaust museum. Yeah, like an interactive museum. Thank you. I hear you like the Holocaust Press one if you want to see more skinny people Cameras ten pounds but

What were you saw the music thing? Oh, yeah, I saw the stones about a month ago At Jazz Fest and the whole time you're just analyzing, you're like, wow, look how old he is, whoa, Keith's still ripping. But it is hard to get into it, because you're on your feet. You said it was amazing. It was amazing, because it was- I was gonna say, I think it's a bad example

is Ash Sout of the Stone. Yeah, you're right. I'm thinking more in terms of- But I think as a comic, you're enjoying it, but then you take yourself out of it. You don't wanna get too vulnerable. You don't wanna slide in to that music freeing. I'm happier when I'm dancing in my room or something like that.

Same, same. And I play a lot of music at home to get in the right mood, but I don't feel in control or comfortable when I'm an audience member. I feel the same way. That's why we do stand up. We want control, we control it. It's not really that.

What the hell are the Stones at Jazz Fest? What are you, New Orleans? Yeah. And the Stones were there? Yeah, they never got there. What are they, part of a Jazz Fest? What are you, New Orleans? Yeah. And the Stones were there? Yeah, they never got there. What are they, part of a fucking whole festival? That's so lame. What do you mean?

They're the Stones. Well, they canceled a gig because of COVID, so they were like, we'll do Jazz Fest. And the whole city turned up. It was insane. People on the roof, helicopters, crazy. I was gonna say that they're part of like, you know, with a bunch of other bands,

like fucking Savage Garden, next up the stuff. They got usurped pretty bad, but I'll tell you this. I feel like live music is kind of like a, like, well my friend said this about a threesome once. He said, I have to make a decision if I had, he had two threesomes in his life, Dave Jesko. Wow, he had threesomes? Yeah, he has two of the two. He counted as two of the people. By the way, Sam's reaction was perfect.

When you said Dave Jesko, he was like this. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes.

He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes.

He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He made a decision. First of all, Dave's dad's sex talk was never in the ass in Hydra Wallet, which to this day

is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. He said his dad just came in, he's like, this is all I have to say about sex. Never in the ass in Hydra Wallet. That's really funny. But Dave said he had a threesome. Who said that? His dad.

Dave's just scow's father. The man that created this deep idiot we see right here. No, I love Dave. But he said that he had a threesome and he made this, he's like, I had to make a decision. I was either gonna be inside of this threesome enjoying it or watching it like a movie. And I feel like, and to tell people about later. And he's like, I was gonna do one or the other, you know?

And I feel like that's kind of how I feel with live music. It's either I'm gonna, this'll be a story I tell people about later that's cool, but it's something I watched from afar or I'll be inside of it. And if I'm inside of my body, I'm looking like a complete idiot flailing around like that. Yeah, it's hard to let go as a comic I think I feel you could have just said that last part instead of telling us just go ahead of threesome Google Dave just go and see how right Sam just

Call them call them. Let's get to the bottom of this because I don't believe it what I do like that By the way it started with an audition as an apartment Lap to see if she can make no decision One the book oh did you for what his is show at the cellar? Let's call him. I'm not yeah.'s not a great story you call it oh we're calling him oh boy I don't think y'all can hear this but can you I can translate yeah hey Dave just cow it's Matt Salak he's talking is he a speaker can you hear that no early no I'll bring it over to you so you can hear it and put it in speaker.

Alright there you go, Carl. Take the helm. Turn up the volume. It's up. Alright. He'll answer to Colin. Hi Dave. Dave, we're talking about your threesome that you had.

It's Rachel and Sam. Rachel's talking about the- And Norman. Threesome, we might be drunk. We're talking about the threesome. And everyone's saying now, you said you could either enjoy it or you went outside your body and you're going to watch it. Like, which was it? Throwing a lot at him here.

Oh, I see. Well, you know, I think it was a little bit of both. Oh, you told me you watched it. But you also told me, didn't it was a little bit of both. Oh, you told me you watched it. But you also told me, didn't it start as an audition in your apartment? It started as an audition, we're trying to accuse you of Harvey Weinstein. Absolutely not. It was absolutely not. But it was okay back then. Oh, man. Delete that. Delete that.

No, keep it. After it happened, the girl called me up, she goes, so did I get the part? And I'm like, are you for real? That's a legitimate question. Keep it Legitimate question you're like what what part what part what are you talking about? He's real. What did you say? It was so weird Well, let's I'm saying why wouldn't she ask yeah, that is so strange to me Yeah, what is that? What do. Well, after we had the three-way, yeah. Yeah, what is that, deal breaker? It should be a fucking deal maker. I forgot what we were doing. At least Harvey gave Puck.

Is any of this gonna come through, man? Okay, good. We're the police, you've been cooked. Someone told me to call Jessica when I first heard it stand up and said he had a room that he would put me in. And he was really a mover and shaker and choked. You look at you didn't end up in a tree so I get the room you and Morgan Murphy on his lap our knees got fucked up I called him and

he answered the phone he goes I was like hi it's Rachel Feisle he goes I you got to change that name come on you'll never make it that name come on you'll never make it in this business pit. It's like not with that name you're going down fast. You're gonna get that neck tuck special. Hey she got it. Hey Dave. I know I can't believe it comes out today right? It's already out. It's exciting. Thank you I love you David. Alright great talking to you Dave. Bye Dave. Thanks. Give your balls a little hammock this summer for the ultimate in hot weather comfort you've got to try sheath I bet I'm wearing it too. Let me check

Purple oh, I don't get purple. Oh, yeah, I'm wearing it to sheath look at that She's underwear comes with two pouches to keep your dick and balls separate Segregation that's good sweat free and looking great. I mean you just saw us take our undies out. I love them It's all I wear they're my favorite undies So I mean if you want to send me some more I'll take them. I mean, you just saw us take our undies out. I love them. It's all I wear. They're my favorite undies. So I mean, if you want to send me some more, I'll take them. I love them.

I take that purple pair. That's bad ass. Oh yeah. Weather might be heating up, but things are going to stay dry below the belt. Their fabric has multi-directional stretch that sculpts your body. And the fabric blend is literally cool to the touch.

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Go to SheathUnderwear.com and use code use code drunk to get 20% off your first order plus She's underwear hundred percent money back guarantee that she's underwear comm promo code drunk get cheat underwear sports show and support your balls Just go and I were opening for Dave Teller Caroline's years ago and And I had a good setup top and then Dave bombed so fucking hard like he's doing like he's like This is my impression of Michael Caine on acting. This is a bridge and tunnel people. They're like what the fuck? He's bombing so hard. So then he gets off I bring Russell and Eve up and then Russ's opening line was how funny would it be if you just heard a gunshot in the back room and it annihilated?

Oh, that's when you know you bombed. They're laughing at you dying. Dave will do 20 minutes on Michael Caine discussing the difference between theater and film. And it's honestly, comics love to watch it because it's so insane. He has jokes about like pilots. Like he has a long winded joke about the odd couple pilot.

And it's some of the funniest shit I've ever seen inside don't do that right his impressions are like Max von Sydow and Hannah and her sisters like yeah This might not work Target demo, but I saw this 23 year old Puerto Rican couple the guy goes nah nah You mean is Klaus Kinski? Oh, geez. How long have you known Jeska, Collin? I mean, I don't even, like everybody else, I don't know when I met him.

He just appears somewhere. He just appears, yeah. And then you went into people like, you know, you could be anywhere and suddenly it's like oh you know Dave Jessica you're like oh my god I can't believe he yeah how do you know those people in North Carolina and threesome I used to have lunch with him sometimes and I showed up at his work once and he he worked at a law firm and he handcuffed himself to the secretary at the front desk right and he was handcuffed to the secretary she's laughing like she's crying laughing and then the boss is like what the hell are you doing? Jessica I swallowed the key

Like he's always doing some gag from like an 80s movie But it's like so effeminate that nobody really feels like they don't feel threatened Like he has a picture of himself in his own place like next to Gay Street with him like doing like the math Crazy story didn't get someone fired like an HR person fire cuz she choked him out She choked him an HR woman choked him at the company Christmas party because he was driving her so crazy He kept doing those gags to her He lost it at a Christmas party and choked him to the point that a blood vessel

burst in his eye and they fired her. Man. And she was in HR? Yes, she was in HR. So basically, Jessica was working. By the way, it's not called HR anymore. Have you heard this? Human resources is offensive

cause it has the word man in it. What? So they changed it to something like for the culture or something. Yeah, yeah. Is that right? For the gram.

It's human. What's that? I mean it's not man. Human. Human, it's not man. You have such a funny line in your special, Colin, about human resources. Oh, that routine, yeah.

That's a beauty. Classic. Thanks. Man's planning in progress. That's a classic. I know, it was a shame to bury that bit. Like last week I was on the road and I was like, oh, nobody saw the YouTube.

It's dead. You can do it. No, I can't. Yeah, he was, he basically, he pissed off the HR woman so much that, he said, her first day, she looked at him and she goes, I've seen your file, you're not gonna get away with this much longer I've been through three of you. Good luck my friend

Oh my god is the greatest Translates it to the stage Woman in his office had a spot in her arm and he was like you should get that checked out. It's probably AIDS I was like, you should get that checked out, it's probably AIDS. Oh! Dude, Esty used to love him at the cellar. And then he started doing shows there, and like, it all changed.

Oh! What was this, there was this story about Jessica where the guy beat the shit out of him because he was fucking the guy's wife, and the guy came home, and I don't think Jessica even knew he was married. He didn't know that the girl was married, and Jessica walked in,

and Jessica, he tells the story, it's so funny, because he's like, can you imagine this? Like you walk in and your girlfriend's cheating on you with me. He's just like, just this elderly, balding, grayish man just hunched over, just this flaccid man. And he said that he had just freshly got a nose job and the guy tried to attack him

and he used her body as a human shield to protect him from the nose job. By the way I talked to the girl who was used as the human shield and she was like it was so hilarious because it was just go you know like she thought it was funny. Wow! Because he was so silly. But the guy beat him up when he came back he came back for a Jets. He had like a Jets. Yes he left his backpack in the room and he said he ran away and he was and then he came back in the room and knocked on the door realizing his knapsack was still in the room. It said he ran away and then he came back in the room and knocked on the door realizing his knapsack was still in the room. It was a New York Jets knapsack.

And the guy just beat the shit out of him after that. The guy opens the door and he goes, do you have a little backpack? But he's like, what the fuck do you want? Oh my God. What does it look like? Like he's about to kill him. It just goes like, well it has this little Jets

like teddy bear thingy. He said Jets teddy bear thingy. And the guy had to know that this was the man that had just been inside of the woman he loved. Wow. The Jets teddy bear thingy. Good times. He's a legend.

He is. He's a legend. I mean, it's ridiculous. He's just a. His stories are incredible. He can't not do this gag when a woman takes her jacket off, and if she has a large chest, I'm like, ho, boy, ho, boy. And I saw him do it to his own mother. when a woman takes her jacket off and like if she has like a large chest I'm like, hubba hubba!

And I saw him to his own mother, his mom took her jacket off and we were at the cellar one night She was there to see his show and she's like, David, this is ridiculous! He's like, hubba hubba! But he's just so silly, I don't think any woman's ever really felt threatened by him Right, I met his sister once and his sister is just like him, it's so funny Really? Yeah, we were hanging out and she just brought up a note she's like I gotta know his job too and I was like oh I don't know what that was like how was that she's like I just stopped doing coke for a while like this family

is fucking nuts where are they from photo he also has such a gambling addiction addiction that he bets on the Tonys. Whoa! He's a degenerate gambler. He's got a real problem. That's wild. And he's kicked me out of his apartment many times because I've been over there and then if his team loses,

I'll be like, get out of here, you're a cunt! And it's so ridiculous, I can't be mad because him calling me a cunt is so non-threatening. Right. I have to laugh. He's like, get out, you cunt. Well, even Norm was like, all the real gamblers, if you walk in the room, you have to stay there.

Yeah. Norm's in the middle of getting ready to go on SNL, do weekend update, and he's like, don't move. And you have a whole bunch of hairdressers, makeup people, me, whoever else is there. Nobody's allowed to move. Because like, Oklahoma is about to score against South Carolina. Yeah.

Don't move. Don't move. It's going on like eight minutes. Say so. Oh, God. Do you see Norm gambling a ton? Yeah. When we did a couple of casinos.

Really? I was talking about this recently, by the way. Norm, he's what a real troll is. He literally was DMing me because we used to do these casino games. He's a bunch of them. Hey, this is a month before he died. Hey, let's book some more of these casino shows. What do you think? I go, oh yeah, I didn't know he was dying.

I go, yeah, great. He goes, great, call your agent. Let's do some in the fall. It'll be great or whatever he was saying. I go, yeah great. He goes, great, call your agent. Let's do something in the fall. It'll be great or whatever he was saying. I go, yeah great. And he just starts talking to me and DM back and forth about doing gigs. Yeah.

He knew he was gonna be dead in a month. Whoa. Do you think that he thought that was funny or do you want to connect to comic? I feel like he's such a comic till the end. Do you think there's something about it that he thought, why do you think he did that? I think he just thought it was funny, yeah.

Wow, that's control. I think he was just doing like a, yeah. To plan a casino gig. I think it was sort of like a bond, but it was also just to be like, hey, let's do some gigs just to bust balls. Then when he died, I'd be like, ah, fucking no. But maybe he wanted to live like a normal,

just some normalcy to it. Like, I'm not gonna die, I'll book gigs and then I'll live longer. Like, he would never break. So I feel like it was a troll, because only because he would never break, like when he would troll somebody else and they'd be talking to you and go,

you believe that guy? Come on, Norm, you know. What are you talking about? Yeah. That's crazy. Like, he would never break to us. Yeah, he would throw. That was what was fascinating,

why I love to watch old interviews or clips with him, is that as long as it's funny, he doesn't need you to know what he's doing. That's right. And it's so brave and so cool, because I would want to tell the person at the end, and he didn't care. He didn't care, like that famous roast.

He was so fucking funny with that. That was one of the funniest things, because he just didn't break. He didn't care. I don't know if with that. Yeah, one of the funniest things cuz he just didn't break He didn't care if anyone else would have the balls to do that. No, no Once and I explained to him I used to do this dumb thing where I would take a picture and hold up like my wedding ring with the most just Disgusting guy in the bar. I thought it was so funny Just passing out drug and I'd be like got him

a woman holding up her rock And I remember he's such a comic cuz I remember me trying to explain this to him first of all I was being annoying like I didn't know him that well I had to stand up that long and I was like I'll I do this thing but right away. He got it He's like I know what you mean. Yeah Immediately just like worthless like scowling and he's like I'll pretend like I'm drooling like he got the gig like What at the bit so fast and I was like, yeah He was just he was such a comic and nothing else like I couldn't even see him being friends with normal people

He was kind of fascinating like that way. What's he did? He have like was he a comic? Was he mostly with comedians or yeah, but even then I'm like when we all did anything together You'd all be hanging out, laughing, having breakfast. Big like when we were in Dublin, we were laughing. We were like, ah, we're in a hotel. Nobody's shooting today. Hey, let's go upstairs to our room and meet in 20 minutes.

We'll go out somewhere. Great. No, I'm, no, I'm, an hour, two hours, just no, just no response. Then we see him later, he comes out, where were you? Well, you know where we were, we've been texting you for hours banging on your room. You guys didn't even get to touch me, you went out. We told you we were going out in 20 minutes.

Like you were just, and never break. Never be like, oh, I was doing this, you know. He's probably online gambling, but whatever. There's so many great clips of him throwing Spade under the bus, you know, like Dennis Miller. Dennis Miller was so fucking fun. And Spade's like, yeah, you know online gambling but whatever. There's so many great clips of him throwing Spade under the bus. You know they've got Dennis Miller. Dennis Miller was so fucking fun. And Spade's like yeah you know I do pretty well with the ladies and uh Dennis Miller's like never got a hooker huh and he's like no I don't need a hooker

and Norm's like you got one last night. Spade's like what what are you talking about Norm? It's great. You ever hear the the I've listed everything he's ever done, but he has that podcast with Chris Hardwick, and they're talking about one person shows, like, he's like, everybody's talking about gets cancer. They do a whole one man show about getting cancer. Anybody get cancer.

That's not an accomplishment, that's not a skill. Knowing you had cancer the whole time changes everything. It is so norm to tell no one that. Yes! Yes it is, it really is is but he used to speak in spade when we did we all sat at the hotel in Boston it's nice hotel and he one day we're just sitting in spades room because he had a big room you know yeah and we'll sit in there and and then he suddenly the door rings and it's like

$800 worth of like steaks and stuff like that and then so he's like I don't think I ordered this. No, because I ordered it. I figured you said you were hungry before and he's like yeah and he would do it all the time. And then Spade would just like so funny along like yeah I don't know if I wanted to pay for 8th February's eat. These people I don't even know. Yeah, I figured, you know, hungry, everybody's probably hungry, you guys are hungry. Just be sitting there and you eat the steak, like just cut it like, you know,

cartoon technique. This is good steak. It's over-sized t-shirt. And they would play off each other. Watching them was like one of the funniest things, like watching a TV show. Doesn't Florentine always do the gag that whenever you're at a steakhouse He just gets the guy with the pepper thing to just keep going to the meals

So the whole thing is covered in pepper. That's great. It's such a good gag It's all fun ruining your dinner just for a laugh. Just a little more and wait silly guys stops Yeah, just I like a lot of pepper. So just a little more That's fun the one with spade the one with spade. We got the worst Googler on the planet here. Come on. Here we go What's this? This is just a classic norm fucking with spade. He's the yellow shirt. Yeah, that's the one Oh, oh, there's a great one. I've seen what happened to Dennis Miller Hey, that Viagra thing out. Yeah, and the other day, but you know, Bob Dole came right out and said... He was one of the first. Yeah.

And you know, you don't want to hear about Bob Dole's cock, you know? I mean, President Clinton's cock, Bob Dole's cock, what the hell? But mostly, an old man like that, an old man, you don't want him to have a super hard cock. You know what I mean? Why? Why? Why? Because an old man, you want him to be a guy with a pipe going, a newspaper, the dog at his feet there?

Well, that in some corners is considered pipe. Oh. But now they're going to have to create some goddamn pill that makes women aroused at the sight of a fucking 70 year old dude with a super hard cock. You know what I'm saying? This guy has fevered nightmares all night. Dreams I mean, like sweaty fever dreams. From the cock-tock that's been all over his head. Cock, cock, cock.

Why bury me twice? He's killing me. No, he's a good man. It's the same. Alright, well, it's buried in there. It's on there. It's amazing. I know what you're talking about. He just keeps shitting on him. Every line, it's like his dick's not... The type of stuff you do with your friends, but it's just a killer joke.

Well, it's like Andy Richter went on Conan. You ever see all those? It's like, you know, I have these Swedish Andy Richter jokes. He won't even look at Andy. He's talking to call Yes, yes, this is a given. Yeah, he's like he's paid Spent forty eight hundred dollars on whores in nickels or whatever. I can't remember the joke, but it's he's he was the king and He lived with his mom till the end in a one-bedroom apartment. Wait, what? Yeah I didn't know that I've never seen that documentary about Norm where he's sitting on a shitty couch

in LA in like a shitty studio condo apartment and his mom brings him a sandwich and he's just sports gambling on a card table on a laptop. His mom came to a few of those gigs. Really? She was the greatest. She seemed very nice. Was she funny? She was funny and you could tell she was like Norm's mom.

She had a little martini and she's probably 80 or something But she looked great like elegant and just witty. Oh She's great. Love it. I feel like now at the time was like it's kind of weird She's coming. She probably knew he was dying. Yeah, of course. That's why she was coming I remember you told me he have kids I remember you told me a long time ago when he started in Montreal that Leonard Cohen used to go to norm Shows and no and norm didn't give a shit. No, just the I do even more He got a usual Leonard Cohen came to my because I was playing a Leonard Cohen album or something

That's an alias like on you know that guy used to live in Montreal I agree when I started comedy. I wasn't even that good he'd come to all my shows sit in the back and watch my shows All the time I go that's amazing. You know he goes why I hated his music he gave me one of his records it sucked that's terrible he's like whoa he's imitated like you tell he heard of him amazing of like this like musical geniuses at your shows and you're annoyed yeah because he because probably because he liked him yeah like it's like we just didn't like, what kind of music did Norm listen to?

Well, he listened to country music, but one time I tried to turn him into country, like outlaw country, like you know, those. Murrell Haggerts. Steve Murrell and those kind of guys. John Prine. And then yeah, John Prine. And then he's like, I hate this.

He put on like, core voice Travis Tritt. Yeah. Somebody from the 90s was like, you know, just like high hair country. He goes, I like this, it's more... But he loved Hank Williams of course. No one was like the Hank Williams of comedy. Right, right. He had one guy on his show, some country singer he was obsessed with. Johnny...oh shit.

Paycheck. Johnny Paycheck? No. Oh. That was a singer. Country singer. Take this job and shove it. That Paycheck? No. Oh. That was a singer, country singer. Oh really? Take this job and shove it. That was him?

Yeah. That was a big tune. Office space. Billy Joe Schaeffer, that's it. Oh, Billy Joe Schaeffer, yeah. Well he's kind of a little country guy. Totally, totally. Oh look, Adam Eagert's got the cowboy.

Adam Eagert's literally texted me yesterday because I didn't know that Norm loved noir so much, but Adam and I always like send each other movies and shit. But he apparently was like we're obsessed with Orson Welles clips. He was apparently obsessed with this shit too. Oh that's great. Well that goddamn Adam Egan, we did a memorial for Norm and everybody gets up and tells Norm stories in LA and Adam Egan, last year, geez, and Adam Egan got up and killed up and killed really he was the best he was funny than everybody funny guy And he's just talking about you know he started by going noah McDonald

I loved him so much, and he's not a comedian He goes even though if you Google me it says first thing comes up is Adam he had Holocaust tonight Wait why does it norm started normal just do this whole He had Holocaust denies. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha the subject and you see like Carl Reiner fuming in and Adam would just be like well actually I don't believe Carl Reiner. They went to Norm's funeral? No no I'm saying on the show it's explained why he's known as color because he was just called in that and just continued the conversation. Right right. I guess he'd be like what? He really zinged him hard on that show. To get that rumor shared about somebody is hilarious. It was so funny.

Especially these older guys who were like, this guy's a Holocauster. They were like, I'm a Hampton. It's so horrible. Yeah. It's so horrible. That's great. It's so funny.

The best troll. Just say it, and then quickly talk about something else to the guests. It'll be like, you can see the angry eyes Damn nor the king. Yeah. Well, we still got fluffy This wall of death is getting rough man, I know like what the fuck Oh lost a lot of people Left out. I'm sure we don't pin that up there. Do we? Oh, you. Oh. Lost a lot of people. Hey, there's something left out. Yes. I'm sure we don't have Panetta up there, do we? No.

You know, we were always. That's not Tim Dillon, is it? Oh, yeah, right there. He's coming soon. You seen that guy eat? Yeah, yeah. You know, the old classics, when I was coming up, Dennis Wolpert, Ronnie Shakes.

Yeah, I love Ronnie Shakes. See these little guys? I love Ronnie Shakes. Ronnie Shakes, Letterman's dude, killer. Ronnie Shakes. Philosophical. I told you that joke right when he goes, I tried to kill myself once by drowning myself in the ocean. I don't know how serious I was.

I brought a towel. Yeah. Killer. Great. Poetic. He died running, right? Yes. Heart attack.

Heart attack. Yes. Jogging. Don't jog. That's a cool way to die though. Is it? At 38. I mean you're jogging at least. It's not a cool way to die. I don't know, you're doing something

that's at least manly. Jessica was- Manly? My mom jogs. I don't know, you're still running. Jessica was clipping his toenails. I'm sorry, but it's a good story. You gotta marry this guy. Jessica was clipping his toenails on a glass table.

All right, a glass table like Dave Thomas? Clipping his toenails and then a piece of glass went up his ass and his doorman saved his life. What? What? He almost bled out. All right, all right. Almost bled out clipping his toenails.

Like there's no way to make that story go. A piece of glass went up his ass. In his upper east side apartment that his mom probably pays his rent and he's clipping his toenails. That's pretty great. And the door bangs closed his life. All right.

It's terrific, I'm sorry. That's great. Let's stop. There you go. That sealed it. He's the king. Thank you. He is.

Wait, oh yeah. How about you wearing the competitions? Liquor here And and birds tequila we got our own Sorry good that shows it's like the Miracle in 34 super they gave him both and Macy's so like oh, yeah, all right, so you so it's good for the culture Yeah, this is gimbals. We're Macy's baby gimbals is gonna go It's like that's how confident you are like hey listen It's not for everybody exactly by the time this comes out bodega cat should be at the comedy cell Have to say bodega cat is pretty great name

From you wow Man all comodgin face turn to the it around. Meanwhile, if I said that, they'd be like, you dumb bitch, what are you doing? Pretty much this whole podcast, anything like, ah, come on, what do you know, you hole? You're just a pointless hole. I forgot you were here. Hit the bricks on your knees.

I was like, well, I think that's super, but come on, you're a hole, you little thing. All right, knees, take it easy. Rachel's a lightweight, you're hammer hole. All right knees take it Rachel's a lightweight you're hammered are you? That was more energy than I've ever seen from you There was another you had another psychotic name The pig name wasn't even the worst title for the special point. What was the other one?

It was like fire horror or something. Oh no, that was Marina's. Marina said I should call it fire starting godless horror or something. Oh wow, that was a little long. I can't remember. Fire starting. Oh, Badge Banger.

That was not that bad. Badge Banger was, I know. That's not good. Badge Banger's not that bad. It's not good. But that's better for a cop wife. Yeah, I mean, well, no, cop girls that are group, cop groupies they call holster sniffers, which is the dumbest collection of words

ever put together. Wow, that's fun. Holster, because it puts the gun. I guess, because they, I don't know, I dated an FBI agent once. How about nightstick gun? And he would always throw his gun like on the counter when he was done with work and I just thought it was like, speaking of dumb holes, how dumb of a hole am I?

I thought it was just hot that he would hurl his gun just anywhere, anywhere at all. You should date anyone outside New York. I know. I probably would. What a Tennessee, a lot of gun- My dad couldn't operate a fuse box, this was very exciting to me.

And my dad's name is Howie Feinside. Of course I was turned on by some fucking FBI agent that would hold his gun in the sink the other day. I get it. We were shooting guns in Springfield, Missouri. I'm a New York Jew. We didn't shoot guns. But shooting them, my girlfriend's from fucking Texas.

She was like awesome with a gun. I was like, it's kinda hot. I'm not! I'm sorry, it is. Fucking little Vita, just fucking, oh, I gotta peeve about Veeder by the way, I gotta pet peeve. Gary does it last night, calls me,

he's like I'm bringing a bunch, I'm bringing 40 cookies for you to the set, I'm like 40? I'm trying, I just worked out. He's like my wife made a bunch of cookies and they're all for you, I'm like you're trying to fucking, you're trying to get rid of the cookies. Oh. You're not trying to help me.

He's holding off. You're trying to get rid of the cookies because you don't wanna get fat and you're trying to fucking fatten me cookies. You're not trying to help me. You're trying to get rid of the cookies, because you don't want to get fat, and you're trying to fucking fad me up. You're right. Oh, the cookies stink and he can't tell his wife. Apparently they were good. They were gone by the time I got to the cellar. People went through 40 cookies. I don't want your fucking cookies. I saw him hunched over at the Fat Black.

I saw him there. Hunched over his... I just walked by. I don't know if he ate it that well. I just walked by don't know Vita that well. She's more by glanced over Damn I want a cookie it was You shouldn't be selling them right now. Oh my god remember when the seller used to sell the girl scout cookie I would fucking go through a ton of those those are the best I don't care for it. This is a workplace. She's up here like you want to gift wrap Can I how many put I put you down for I'm about to go on your coos with the magazine catalogs

Yeah, Coos Keep the coos in though. I'm trying to get that in my... And we're back. Hey, me guy, Colin Special, what's it called? I'm telling you for the last time. Yeah, well, we're just, you guys have peeves? We gotta go.

Yeah, how about some bits? You guys working on any new bits? I got a peeve for ya. Oh. I did two on the last show, I should saved them but yeah how about this is a New York thing how about the guy who's clearly walking through the intersection at the wrong time but he does this so he thinks he's justified your hand is out to the car doesn't mean the lights not green you're in the wrong I had that

yesterday the guy did this to my car, and he's like I'm walking here I'm like yeah, but yeah, you're an asshole I did that five minutes ago on my way here the bike people are the ones pissing me off the fuck I don't care for a second because now it's like you used to have a fucking a window on a red light to walk through We know it's there now you can happen the ones going the wrong fucking way Yeah, it happened to my friend almost clipped my friend the other day Such a New York moment this old this old broad and the village goes you're going the wrong way asshole I was such a sad finding all the guy right this thing

He could have clipped her too, but you know yeah, she'll get hers We're not talking about him at all, but Keith Robinson, whose special is coming out soon, he does this thing where he'll walk in the street and just hear two women talking. Nothing makes me laugh harder than this. Some lady was like, I've always preferred strawberries. It's just a bed of fruit. And he's like, shh, if you don't mind, just keep it down. That's great. What about like on the corner of McDougal and Gleeker?

These ladies were furious. They're like, what do you mean keep it down? Shh, if you don't mind, just keep it down just That's great. What about like on the corner of McDougal and Gleeker? That's great. These ladies were furious. They're like, what do you mean keep it down? If you don't mind, just keep it down just a little bit. Hilarious. Well, the cane and all that helps that too. Yeah, yeah. You can't be that mad at him. You know what he did one night at the cellar?

We were just sitting around the table. I forgot who was it. But you know how we do the joke whenever someone walks in and it looks like someone we know, we just go, oh look, it's Mike Vecchione's here,'s here you know whatever but it's not Mike Vecchione he did it to someone we all laugh it turned out to be Carlos Mencia we're like holy shit he just walked in almost laughing at him because we thought it was just a dude who looked like Vecchione from far away

hilarious comments will find the worst version of you like if you at your worst point in life like who you could become if you follow all your most gangrenous impulses Yeah, Keith found like some old lady like poking trash on a corner like she had control issues around a pile of cans And he's like Rachel Rachel come over I could see it like I could really see it. She had frizzy hair I'm like she's like me she had kind of like an old blazer on I'm like god damn it But he got me right you know yeah, I saw him on stage the view You know he wobbles up there and a guy in the front row had a cane and he goes

Motherfucker you trying to out cane me Picked up the guy's cane. It was great when you're when you're crippling you can really get away with Good good for you Kate hang it in there Yeah, please we're doing peace okay, I don't care for when people DM me that they want to pick my brain about some the worst I hate to pick the brain Want to get coffee and pick? You know what there's nothing in it for you. You see what I'm saying?

I want a shortcut. Yes. I don't wanna do the work you did. And waste your time. I don't wanna be on the road for the years you were on the road. I don't feel like it. But also, the pick of the brain's not gonna do anything.

It doesn't work. There is no shortcut. There isn't one. There's no shortcut. But then you tell them that and they get angry. Like, oh yeah, like I set up the business. There's no shortcut. Yeah, people will be in the green room and they'll be like, so when did you realize? I'm like, no, there's no that's the first one People shouldn't be in your green room. Yeah, you're right. I have to man. I've started to finally do this

I used to give everybody in the world a guest spot me too. I would just try it I just wanted everybody in the club to like like me I was just like passing out money like the everybody was strippers But you want make it like 1500 this weekend and I'm just like passing out money like everybody was strippers. People are making like $1,500 this weekend and I'm just like giving out. I was just like, and now I'm like, oh, I can actually be quiet and just look at my phone. And guess what? Fucking, the people come to see you. They don't come to see 10 people before you.

Yes, yes. And then they always go, it's five minutes. And I'm like, no, no, it's two hours of you in my green room. It's not just five minutes on stage. I'm going to hang out with your ass. I've had people come up to me like a hundred years ago and that's when I stopped doing it and they go, hey man we came to see you you only did like 45. I'm like, oh yeah but because all these other people like we didn't come to see them.

Yeah. They came to see you. You threw the bar back up and it's like, eh well. Yeah. Right. So when did I... You're not doing the audience a favor. When did I... David Jesko asked to pick your brain? No, Dave Jesko is the kind of guy that if somebody asked him that he'd be like right over there like, let's meet. Yeah, that's true. He'd mentor them for 10 hours. He'd be like, you're buying lunch?

All right, I'll do it. I've done the pick your brain. It's a huge waste of time on your part. Yeah. They get nothing out of it. Yes. It's like, well, you told List, remember that? He said, hey, can I ask you something?

And you go, how is this going to help me in any way? And he hung up. I don't remember that. Oh, yeah. I like it. Also, when people don't tell you, so when we have to do press as comics, when we have to do, I've had to do stuff for my special, they don't listen. Like I said, we run a little dumb, I need all the information.

So they told me that Netflix ran in all these countries. I got it wrong. I need a piece of paper. Like I need somebody to tell me exactly what I'm supposed to say. So I've been going around to all these different like press outlets saying, my special's about to be so dumb and I'm gonna regret saying this.

But I'm like, oh, my special's gonna be, it's on Netflix so it's gonna be in 400 countries. And my brother called me and he's like, there's not 400 countries. You wild moron, there's 195. And I was like, it sounded right to me. I'm like, tell me exactly what's true. Like, I need to know,

because I was just spewing utter horse shit. My brother's like, yeah, there's not 400 countries. It's gonna be in Zimbabwe, too. Electric boogaloo well what's that do we get one from you there well I just get a local one which is when I get on the subway I'd say seven times out of ten I sit in this empty seat and the smell from whoever was fucking homeless I was there for three hours beforehand, is still emanating. Yeah, that's why that seat was open. It gets on your clothes.

Yeah, totally. Yeah, Colin was just calling me last night. He said they should all be lined up and shot. No. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. No.

No. Why would I? No. We had Harlan Williams. He's such a sweet little boy from Canada. He's like, I saw a guy doing crack on this block. I saw a guy doing heroin over there. We're like, yeah, welcome to the city.

I do remember first visiting New York when I was a guy doing crack on this block. I saw a guy doing heroin over there. We're like, yeah, welcome to the city. I do remember first visiting New York when I was a little kid with my family and just feeling like Sandra from Greece or something. I was like, oh my goodness. I know. Spray painting everywhere. It's so naughty. Just being so excited by everything that was happening.

And some guy was like, I'm the president. My dad was like, yes, you are. And I thought it was the most fascinating interaction I've ever seen. Oh, Howie. So me and Sam don't look at New York like that. President my dad was like yes, you are and I thought it was the most fascinating Howie see means me and Sam don't look at New York like that and even Sam really Manhattan people They don't even consider Brooklyn really Staten Manhattan New Yorkers yeah, the Bronx is still New York. It's just you know, I know you have to take a ship there. It's annoying Yeah, it is the five boroughs. It is the five boroughs.

But I said I feel like Manhattan they were still a little bit like okay. We'll give you guys are a step down a lead Their accent is more New York than any other borough. Oh, it's not now in New York in a way. That's true Yeah, it's not now. I don't know the five boroughs the five boroughs. You're in yeah, right So you see even the fact that he can put us in let you know their status Well, what do you can see don't you consider the fiber the fiber or yes But I grew up here enough to know the Manhattan is just like we're one step ahead. Don't don't act like you know me Where do you live right now? Manhattan well there you go. Oh

Where'd you grow right now? Manhattan. Well there you go. Oh. That was always my dream. Where did you grow up, Sam? Same. In Manhattan. Originally Chelsea, then Upper East. Chelsea and Upper East, okay. Wow. Oh boy. Folks who are Hellscape.

I'll tell you, New Orleans, the only thing I like about New Orleans is Confederacy of Dancers, the greatest book ever written. Yeah! That's the only thing you like? Yeah. How about the food? I think that was your record last time. The architecture.

How annoying. I think that was your record last time. The food bugs me under New Orleans. It's like, it's so great. It's not that great. It's pretty solid. What about the architecture? French Quarter, the balconies, beautiful? Give us a New York restaurant that's like a big, like a Colin Quinn stamp of approval. Because that great restaurant? That goes a long way. You're like the New Yorker. Joe's Pizza.

I knew he was going to say that. Come on. Give us another one. This is where you can sit down, Colin. Oh, I like that place. You know what I like? I like the old, like, kind of old fashioned, you know John's on 12th Street and First Avenue? Yeah, yeah.

Or you know the other one, Monte's on McDougall Street. I know Monte's. Italian, that's like the boys. That's where my husband proposed to me at Monte's. Whoa! Whoa! I love that place.

Did he get down on one knee or did you but she closed it perfectly yeah the the Monty's I did a corporate gig there and it went well that's how great the food is it is really good yeah classic it was such a New York moment cuz he did he got he came in this big puffy coat and he was like I think he thought it was gonna be pretty empty and then he gets down on my knee this woman goes he's proposing It's a proposal Stopped and they were like like just asking me questions throughout they're like one lady was like I got a lemon chicken

Recipe that saved my marriage if you want it. Also, what was happening in your marriage that you needed a lemon chicken recipe to make? Lemon chicken's infuriating. Yeah, by the way, I think Little Italy went up to like way up in the village back in the day. No, there were two little, if you ever watch Mean Streets, speaking of great movies, there's the village against the, I'm putting that out, I had a good fellas. Wait, hold on.

I said it is. Go ahead, go ahead. Oh, but there was the village, Italians, and then there was the Little Italy Italian. Oh, there on. I said it was the Village Italians and then it was the Little Italy Italians. Oh, they were different. They were two separate groups. Little Civil War. Was there like a rivalry calling?

I don't know, I mean it felt like there was. You do know. It's like all of those after house clubs were Village Italians. Ah. As soon as I knew there was a mob in the Village back then, I was like, Jesus, what are these guys? But if they were in the clubs,

there must have been somebody in it. Well, they were probably like, who are you? who are you like top of the morning to you? Hey boys You uh, you supposed to remind him for movie recs, oh, yeah Yeah, oh, it was move you have great so to pass movie recs from Colin Quinn for me You gave me The Long Good Friday and Mona Lisa, both Bob Hoskins. The greatest.

Both incredible, both from you. And I gave you one and it was so fucking scary because you called me 25 minutes in and were so angry at me because you hated it. Mikey and Nikki? Yeah, but then you just ended up liking it. I did end up liking it. That's a really good movie. I really liked it.

That's a great movie. It's just a slow one. What about King of Masks? Did I mention that one? Don't know it. Look, pull it up. Great movie. Really? In China. What's it about? Mikey and Nicky's great by the way. That's uncredited. What about? Elaine May direct. Color of Paradise. King of Masks you should see. King of Masks. And write these down so I don't forget these. These all came from that lady. This lady that used to run

my video store. She was an old Iranian lady who was dying. And every week she'd go, every movie she mentioned it like, it's the best movie I've ever seen. Whoa. Wow. She was crazy, she was the best taste ever. Oh, I got a fucking movie, Rhett, for you that I just kind of stumbled upon on Criterion, it's called Paris, Texas, amazing. Oh, I remember that movie. Great fucking movie.

I remember the box. It's awesome. I just watched it face in the crowd, unbelievable. Oh, great movie. Unbelievable. Probably everybody already knows about this movie, but I just watched a face in the crowd. Unbelievable. Oh, great movie. Unbelievable. Great movie. Probably everybody already knows about this movie,

but I just watched it again recently and it's so funny. Small Time Crooks. Yes. It got pretty bad reviews, but it's fucking brilliant. Some movies like that that people quickly dismiss. There's nobody funnier to me than Tracy Ullman. I just. Oh, she's great.

She's funny. She's great. Is that Woody Allen? I like movies about people pretending to have money that makes me laugh every time, just people's cleanliness. And they're so good at it. They're both so funny and delightful. Kish.

Yeah, it's a good premise too, like the idea that they open the bakery. I remember that part where Woody Allen's like, they remember he goes like, I think it was like him and John Lepis talking about their time in prison, and Woody Allen's like, they used to call me the brain, you know,

cause I was smart, right? And he's like, like no that was sarcastic he's like no it was real he goes no it wasn't real we know Collins got it you got another one right after this yeah I gotta go to that we call it look at this um what about I gotta go over to uh, are you garbage? Me too. A lot of people are expecting me Colin Quinn's new special on youtube is amazing. It's great. Oh all of a shit's great. Watch it see Colin on the road Oh, you got you're at the den coming up. That's a fun one. Oh chicago. No, I did the den Oh, okay, That was last weekend.

So what do you got? There we go, whoa! Sounds like it's all new material too. It is all new. Wow! You're a fucking beast. That new hour. Acme Comedy in Minneapolis.

Took a lot. Classic. You got Comedy Mothership in Austin, Texas coming up. Yeah! That's a fun, fun club, bad green room. Got that. Yeah, and check out Colin's new special. We got Rachel Fine's new hilarious special on Netflix.

Yeah, big guy. Big guy. I gave it two thumbs up on Netflix. Thank you, man. How do we get her dates there? We got it here. There we go. Tour dates.

Oh! You're never gonna make that name. Oh, well, well. I think most of mine are in Punch Up Live, too. There you go. We go tour dates right oh never gonna make that name I think most minor and punch up live to there you go follow all of us on punch up dot punch up dot live Frank our names so punch up dot live slash Rachel Feinstein put extra material there that gets yes flagged on because Instagram's getting dumb all right women a College Street music call Millard Theatre in Philly Hamptons yada yada Schubert Theatre Bean Town Philly Pittsburgh Seattle Spokane go to the website when is this out?

bodega cat calm whatever get okay, go see Sammy Davis and I'll be it. I'll be in Brea, California Atlantic City with Krista Stefano, that's gonna be a fun one. I'm actually gonna do that show I don't think on that one beyond a bunch of other ones with yeah dates with Sammy and Chris. It's gonna be great Yeah, Rochester, New York, Miami Baltimore then I'm doing Europe London Belfast Amsterdam Oslo Stockholm Baltimore, then I'm doing Europe, London, Belfast, Dublin, Paris, Amsterdam, Copenhagen, Oslo, Stockholm, punchup.live slash Samarone. Just follow us all on there.

Follow us all. I'm gonna be adding new dates to the Pointless Hole Tour. Pointless Hole. Hoppa! I'm a mother. Oh, that's sticky. And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's comin' And naked Samuel is feelin' dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans

This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way. We might be true.