We Might Be Drunk - Ep 204: Heather McMahan

Episode Date: November 4, 2024

Headliner, Actor, Podcaster, and all around funny person, Heather McMahan joins us on episode 204 of We Might Be Drunk with Mark Normand and Sam Morril. Hang with us and have a great episode and hang with us. Support the show and get 20% off your 1st Sheath order with promo code DRUNK at https://www.sheathunderwear.com Spice up your sex life and get 20% off your 1st order at https://www.tryjoymode.com/DRUNK Support the show and get a FREE $20 credit to the first 500 to sign up at http://kalshi.com/drunks Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Heather McMahan Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heatherkmcmahan/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://heatherontour.com/ Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/?hl=en  @marknormand   @sammorril     @GothamProductionStudios  #wemightbedrunk #marknormand #sammorril #podcast #drunkpodcast #comedy #comedian #funny #gothampodcast  

No, no, no, no, no, no, save it. All right, you ready to rock? Yeah. Actually, can I get some of that milk too? Hold on, okay. There we go, passing oat milk around. This is getting wild. Whoops.

All right. Yeah. Are we rolling? Yo, yo. Woohoo, we're here, we're queer. It's good to be out of the house. I know, I feel like we haven't actually just like caught up in a while.

Well yeah, you're helping charity, I'm building a home, my parents are at the house, the wife is pregnant. Sounds rough. I got a house of cards here. The parents there, is that killing you? Woo, the house is a mess, you got eight Mexican guys fighting with Honduran guys and then the Albanian guys hate the Honduran, the house is a mess. You got eight Mexican guys fighting with Honduran guys

and then the Albanian guys hate the Honduran. It's a turf war. Shouldn't have moved to little Honduras. What the hell is happening? I know, there's a cock fight in the basement. I don't know what's going on, but now you throw my parents in. So my dad's like talking to the electrician,

he's some Albanian guy like, oh, is that a little crooked? The guy's like, get the fuck out of here. I tell your father I cannot work like this That is what parents do yeah I was looking at my place and my mom like I loved the place when I got it my mom's like looking through like well This won't do yeah, the woman's they're like who is this lady like ladies getting my price down right here. Yeah, right But that's that's what parents do they because if you think about it if you're at that age

Any price sounds insane That's a good point. Is it when they did this shit. It was probably so much cheaper. That's true. That's true And it's Manhattan like come on. Yeah, she's she's she's out of the picture for too long and inflation. It's all up It's crazy, but I'm loving the migrants like everybody's bitch about migrants coming to my house. They're fixing everything for cheap That'd be great. they all just showed up I thought my parents were bad I got 6,000 migrants in my fucking backyard well they're ready to work build that drywall

they're cooking on the fire pit yeah exactly got a cooking cat oh by the way I played in the uh I played in the yes MSG charity game for Garden of Dreams awesome fun the Rizzo with this is the Rizzo. Oh this kid. I thought that was stop for us He's got one move yeah, but dude that, that move is made with a lot of money.

Is the Black Panther? That's a little edgy. The first take they did Blackface. Yeah. We played in the game. I don't know if I said any one of the things of it. Pull the picture of me and the Rizzler. He's cute as hell.

I love this kid. I like the Rizzler. The other one, the other family is a little much. The other dad who's just going boom the whole time? Oh, yeah, that's his whole thing boom well I used to say boom occasionally I say boom and now I don't say anymore cuz he's like it's like he's stolen it Yeah, well once the dad starts doing it. It's like this shit Not to do it the reverse heil or whatever that was what was that again? What do you call it the twink? dab the dab yeah, I'm so sick of the once you see a or whatever that was. What was that again? What do you call that? The twink? Dab.

Dab, the dab. Yeah. I'm so sick of it. Once you see a stepdad dabbing, you're like, all right, it's over. It's not great. Remember this one? Oh yeah, the kid's doing that one.

It is funny when the kids do it though. Look how cute. He is a cute kid. I was wondering why you were both doing that. I didn't know what that, I thought it was a tough guy thing. I sent the video to you, you can roll some of that in the background. It's it's pretty funny You know, this is great. You're on the floor. Oh, dude, we were playing it was hilarious

everyone every Legendary Nick was there and holy shit. I was coming down with a cold too that I didn't realize until Cuz you run in full court. Yeah. Damn, it's nothing. Some of them are retired, so they're a little out of shape, but I'm playing with Jamal Crawford. This guy's been out of the league two years. He dropped 50 in a game a couple years ago.

He was still good. Wow. So, he's in incredible shape, and I'm like, I'm like really winded, but I'm normally winded, but I'm like, wow, I'm like really winded. After the game, my friend's like, dude, you're like, yeah, there I am.

He's like, you're like phlegmy as fuck. Oh, really? There is, but. Wait, I think I saw New York Nico, was that? After the game my friends like dude you're like yeah there I am. So you're like phlegm is fuck But uh wait, I think I saw New York Nico was that no what's that guys that guy he does like the food stuff Who's meals by koo? Yes, they say koo. He was cool. And then I saw Vinnie from the shore I was explaining Gary does because you know Gary Vita on the road wants to do Gary doesn't miss and I'm This to him and he's like, yeah it needs a hook. I'm like, that's what I've been doing, Gary. Needs a hook. Yeah.

Whoa, nice layup. Hey. How you doing? John Wallet. Wow. Good times, dude. Whoa. Nice.

Who needs Vincenzo anymore? We got you. Look at this. One time, dude. This is Special Olympics. Here we go. This is adorable. Big Justice and the Rizzler. And I think that's a good one. Look at this. One time, dude. Special Olympics. Here we go.

This is adorable. Big Justice and the Rizler. Now they gotta give you a name like Bagel Man or something. We need something for you. The flying locks, popping locks. Yeah. No, good time zone, man. I mean, and it's like 9,000 people there.

Wow. It's crazy. That's great. He looks familiar too. Yeah, he's like a,000 people there. It's crazy. Wow! That's great. He looks familiar too. Yeah, he's like a basketball influencer guy. Allen Houston legend. Wow! Spreewell.

Spreewell! Yeah, pretty cool. Look at that! The kids are out. You're signing? Shit, this is amazing. Now, what is this? This money goes to...

A lot of your dreams. Yeah, it's good stuff, man. Wow! Yeah, but... A couple of Liberty over there, maybe? No, it's good stuff man. Wow. Yeah, but couple Liberty over there Maybe no some of the women were really good Ah some of them some of them were cooking man good time to be in New York hell of a time This is incredible hometown boy makes good

This is great. Is the Rizler from here? He must he better be might be long island. Probably Jersey Okay, Jersey doesn't it I could be wrong the dad the whole time going oh We get it we get the yeah Everybody over does remember emerald BAM BAM everybody's gonna have a thing and they always overdo it comedy. He was working Yeah, there it is. We bring the boom. I mean, this shit's huge. It's fucking, it's kind of, it's a bit much.

Yeah, good for them. It's a family affair. This dad is massive. Wow. This dad's on roids. He must be. He's huge. You know what this fills the void of local car ads? You know those local car ads like, come on down to Crazy Willy's, we got sales that'll

make a hooker or shit or whatever. That kind of went away and these guys fill that void of like having a catchphrase and family. Yeah, this is gonna, I wonder how long it's gonna last. Like how long can they possibly ride? It is very one note. Yeah. I wonder how long, but right now people are like, no one got a bigger pop than the Rizzler.

Wow. Like there were Nick's legends there and then people were like, the fucking Rizzler? They let it ride. You can't beat being a Nick's legend, I know. Oh, is this the Savannah Bananas? Oh, these guys are huge. They're pretty cool. It's fun, man.

I did a BP with Burt at their stadium. Oh, yeah. Burt almost missed the gig because he wanted to bat lead off as a gag. You know, that'd be the funniest reason to stand up your fucking fans. Yeah. He's like, I want to get a single and a fucking... I'll tell you. lead off as like a gag, you know, that'd be the funniest reason to stand up your fucking fans. Yeah.

I want to get a single and a fucking. I'll tell you, we did batting cages, Burt can hit. Burt's an athlete. He's good, yeah, he's a hell of a baseball player and skier by the way. Yeah, I feel like Burt is just like good at stuff. Yeah. Yeah, this is fucking, he's huge, this dad is huge. It's also cute that these kids if this is my dad

I'd be like ah geez what are you doing dad get out of here? But these kids seem to be into it so they're gonna hit like 13. They're gonna go through that phase. We're like fuck off dad Yeah Right now it's good, but also he came up to me before and he's like he's like oh, I know you we did a gig together I was like what gig could we? He's like, oh, I know you, we did a gig together. I was like, what gig could we possibly? We did a gig? Yeah, what gig did you do?

He was like, years ago we did a gig. I'm like, what kind of gig would we have done? Yeah. I just blocked out a gig where I'm like, boom! We were just flexing, I'm like, oh yeah, I did the flex boom gig. Yeah, maybe we were hammered, I don't know. Either way, the IDF should pick that up.

Boom! Another bomb! All right. Well, hey, that's great. You're helping the community and you're out on, you get to do, it's a win-win. It's good for charity and you get to be on the fucking garden floor. We got to find some footage. I'm sure if you can find some footage of Jamal Crawford playing in that game because, dude, this guy is fucking unbelievable.

I mean, maybe you could just find any footage of him just to show how unbelievable this guy is, but he's a street ball guy who made the NBA. Not really, he's like a organized player, but he's that type of game. He can handle the ball. Oh nice. Super nice guy too. Wow.

But uh. What do we gotta do to get Ewing down there? Ewing's part of the Knicks again dude, they brought him back. What? He's like part of the family now, I forgot what his job title is, but he's doing something of the Knicks again, dude. They brought him back. What? He's like part of the family now I forgot what his job title is, but he's doing something for the Knicks. It's fun. Wow, that's great Good to have him back in the orbit dude. Fuck. Yeah, I don't know

So but you loving the new home right now? I mean, it's pretty great, but it's You know this faucet doesn't work, you know, and that light switches out. So there's little things like that. I'm living out of a suitcase, but. But you, I mean, you have the stuff in there. We're in there. You have the furniture? Furniture's in. But, you know, coats are in one box.

My toothbrush is in another thing. I'll tell you, having a, being a road guy, having your suitcase is huge. That's him right there. I mean, look at that. Woo, shake and bake. I mean, beautiful. Wow's him right there. I mean look at that. Woo! Shake and bake. I mean beautiful. Wow.

Yeah, dude, living out of a suitcase is fucking, it's unacceptable. It's hell, but- But that's our life too. You also- I know. Even when I'm moved in, I'm kind of living out of a suitcase. Yeah, that's kind of how I am,

but I'm saying it worked out because she doesn't know where anything is, but like the little shit, like the remote. I just put the remote in a box and packed it and moved. So now I got the TV all set up I'm like, here we go. I got the cable on the Alexa's cooking the modems running. Where the hell's that remote? You use Alexa? I do the only do what else you use TiVo? Boom. Oh Alexa Alexa is horrible. I love it. I go, what's the weather bitch? And she tells you, for some reason I love that weather.

That's all I use it for. You're going back to the Rizla rampant. Can we get him in here? I mean, I'm not allowed near him, but I'd love to get him in here. The remote not working is, or not having the remote is, luckily my girlfriend packed all that shit in a box so it's like I would have lost it dude. Wimps are good. But then you also run the risk of you tape it to the TV

now it's like all fucking gross. Right, right, yeah, it's got that goo on it which we're no strangers to a sticky remote. But I finally found it, but TVs now they're all flat and skinny and you got them on the wall so there's no buttons. You know, you're feeling it up like a preteen and you need the remote now. I know, I do miss that just not knowing where we need it.

Now you need an actual remote. You have to have it or the TV is worthless. It's so weird. So I finally found it. Now once you got a TV going in those boxes everywhere, it still feels like a home. I know. You're like, now we can watch a game or a movie or something. Just background, just having some background.

Totally. Yeah, but also it's like crazy sports season right now. So just having any football, basketball, baseball on, it's fucking great. It's great. Just good to have it going. You feel like your life is in order a little bit. But backyard, we got turf going down. Turf. Turf, baby. I don't we got turf going down. Turf.

Turf baby. I don't want to mow the lawn. Yeah. So I got turf and then I got a big bed. Like a little hole, a little green going. I'll do some green. A little golf. Good idea.

Fire pit. Might get the cold plunge. Cold plunge? Oh shit! I've converted him. Maybe. Bert. It'll help me wake up.

Bert and Rogan always posting about it. Yeah. Doing it with Burt on the road, I was like, fuck, this is pretty. It works. Dude, I did it this morning, I feel great. Wow. I love it. That's a very white guy thing. I feel like Blackfield don't fuck with Cold Plunge.

Do they not? I don't think, call in. Yeah, the Kevin Hart did a Cold Plunge show. Well, I think that's how rare it is that they had to have a show about it. I don't think that's white people shit. Is it white people shit? I don't know, okay, maybe the athletes. All right, maybe I'm off.

You just googled black person Cold Plunge? What a fucking great Google. I mean from my knowledge, it's like Chris Rock's joke when they make a heated hockey rink we're gonna take that shit too. Yeah. I don't know if they love the the cold Interesting but it's but like if you work out. Yeah, probably just or if you just like want to wake up man I just kind of like it Do you get a bag of ice how do you get it cold like that you get a little a little?

Tank and it chills it you don't't wanna leave it on for too long. Yeah. But yeah, mine is, I spent 500 bucks on mine, dude. Wow. Yeah, it was on sale, it works. Yeah, and you just filled it up with a hose and then hit the tank and it gets freezing? Yeah, dude.

It's a little bigger than that, right? That's what I got. Oh wow, okay. Yeah, it's just like that. Wooo, baby! Not everyone puts the hands under, I put the hands under sometimes, but man, it gets fucking cold. Now how small does the dick get? It's ridiculous.

I mean, is it full micro? Oh, it's embarrassing. She, after I was in there, because it also increases the sex drive, which is such a weird thing. Really? My dick's getting smaller, but then I'm hornier, it doesn't make sense. But yeah, she was, the lady was sucking the balls,

and I swear to God, I was like, you gotta stop. I think my ball went inside my body. Because that's how shriveled shit gets. Wow, man. And it kinda did, and I kinda like tapped and it came back out, I was like, oh my God, what is my balls, a turtle's head now? What the hell is going on?

It's horrible. It's out of the shell. But yeah, no, it's embarrassing. It's definitely one of the things where I'm like, yeah, I'm glad I'm alone for this. Yeah, yeah. But I feel like back in the day, if you were like, you know, living in the wilderness, you just jump in naked.

Yes. And your friends are like, look at our dicks. Yeah, I know. Look how small our dicks are. It's amazing an Eskimo ever got laid. Just with that cold water. But all cuz my when I work out my dick I think it's like a safety issue my dick goes in why is it? I think is you know it's like fight or flight your dick like we're naked in the it's so weird

I know that's so we work out then we go to the locker room That's why it's always weird when the guys just hanging out and you're like, you know, it doesn't look good I know I towel up for all you guys. Yes. Because this is fucking not looking good. Yeah. And not looking great for whitey. My gym was multicultural, so these white old white guys are walking around with acorns

and I'm like, you're killing us, man. Cover that shit up. It's the same as when I play in that Knicks game. I'm like, I'm okay for a white guy. Right, exactly. But these Knicks are killing, even the, I'm okay for a white guy. Right, exactly. But these Knicks are killing me. Even the Rizzler's killing me. What the hell? That Rizzler, he's talented.

The Rizzler. He's got it. He has it. He has it. I love, I gotta be honest, I love that cold plunge. And the problem is you don't want to turn into one of these people that talks about it. Yes. Because it has turned into a cult. You turn into one of these people that talks about it. Yes. Because it has turned into a cult. You turn into one of these people that like, you know, I was making fun of List when he

did the martial arts. Oh, yeah. Because, you know, the guy who starts doing the moves on people. Exactly. You do a few martial arts classes, you're like, come here. Come here. Let me show you. Let me show you this move.

And you're like, dude, please, no. Yeah, it used to be, because now it's cold plant, it used to be CrossFit. Yeah. Remember like 10 years ago, everybody was doing CrossFit, then it became. Yeah, it used to be, because now it's Cold Plunge, it used to be CrossFit. Yeah. Remember like 10 years ago, everybody was doing CrossFit, then it became a cult, then everybody got- It is a cult, but those people look amazing. They look great.

I was in a hotel once and it was some convention and they were all there and I was like, these chicks are fucking hot. Oh yeah, they're toned. These dudes are hot. Yeah. They all get the V. Yes, yes.

Lean down on that shriveled cock. Ha ha ha ha. So yeah, it goes ice plunge, martial arts, Yeah. They all get the V. Yes. Lean down on that shriveled cock. So yeah, it goes ice plunge, martial arts, and then you're bow hunting, eventually. We lost you. That is kind of cool. It is. Because at least you're giving the animal, like look, they don't have a chance really, but they have more of a chance than if you're just out there with like a fucking rifle or

something. As long as you don't do the marathon. The marathon? Yeah, marathon people talk about marathons all day long. I was in line with some of them coming back from Europe We were in the line get getting going through customs and a bunch of people were just done the I guess German was it Berlin did a marathon somewhere in Germany and all these people had the jacket Yeah, look if you do marathons, I respect the hell out of that though. Sure, just don't want to hear it. I know. It's not a good story.

No. What happened next? Did you keep running? Right. I used to bang this girl who worked at Goldman Sachs and she would run the marathon every year. So we had like a casual sexual relationship and then she'd hit me up and I was like, oh, maybe she wants me to come over and she's like, can sponsor me? And I'm like now what does that mean?

She goes well you give me money and I'm like to do what? And she's like so I can run and I was like why does the money matter? You're basically paying for the sex. You're right. You were fucking her and then she was like can you sponsor, so you're indirectly paying to fuck her. Well I didn't pay You didn't get any money because I I kept asking so many questions that she she was like forget it

And I never saw her again. She never fucked me again either You just didn't respond well. I was just like so wait. I don't get why you need money She's like well. I'm in the marathon. That's even worse the fact that you broke down. How stupid her thing Yes, and I didn't mean anything by it. I was just literally curious, genuinely curious. I was like, so wait, where does the money go? She said, well, you sponsor people. And I'm like, to run? Running is free.

Your whole thing is stupid. Yes. But I'm with you, you're right. I still don't understand it, so she dumped me. Does it go to charity? I don't know. It must go to charity. Give it a goog, I have no idea.

It goes to charity, I get it. But yeah, just sponsor you. It's like, I don't get it. It must go to charity. I it a go. I have no idea. It goes to charity, I get it. But yeah, just sponsor you. It's like, I don't get it. Yeah. It must go to charity. I'll sponsor a kid's basketball team or a, you know, a pizza shop sponsors a little league team. I get that. So it helps, yeah, no, it helps them pursue their sport, I guess. What the fuck? What the fuck?

So you're not- Am I buying an A6? How is it sponsored? So I'm sponsoring a white woman who likes to run in a child in malaria. That's the two? I'll give the money to malaria. How about that? Why am I giving it to the white woman who works in Goldman Sachs? A child with malaria? Did I say a child in malaria? Yeah, well, it's beautiful in the summers.

It's a bad place. It's a bad place to live. The death rate is high. But yeah, financial support for their training. Did you jog? You go out, you run, you run back. You just told me she worked at Goldman Sachs. She's doing all right. You're a struggling comic.

It's literally the cheapest sport. There's zero money involved. You don't even need shoes, really. You do need shoes. I guess you need shoes. You've got to have good shoes. All right. Remember when the whole running movement became a thing?

Oh, yeah. You go to the running store and they're like, let me, let me. Yes. And you're like, we can figure this out without the scale. Totally, totally. I can figure, the Kenyans aren't even using shoes. Right.

There's so many people who like, although I do see footage of like these basketball players playing in like the 80s in Converse. Yeah. And you're like, that could not have been good for you. No, no. No wonder these guys had fucked up ankles and. Yeah. Like, that could not have been good for you. No, no. No wonder these guys had fucked up ankles and these. That's true, yeah.

It hurts me when I walk in Converse. Same, it's like plywood. There's no soul. Those All-Stars, they look great, but... But players used to play in these. Yeah, that's crazy. Fucking Pumas? I don't know how the men did it. Like dress shoes? My dad wore black dress shoes a guy wore my dad wore black

Dress shoes every day every woman just rolled there. I don't know. I don't know how men do it We're so cool. That's true We have a woman coming in right now. That's a good point. Yeah Come in no, no, don't worry about good. We usually do the Tina. What's shaking? Yeah, right there. Hey mark Yeah, we're taking the mic out where you coming from I was down at Betches, but then I did today's show this morning It's like how much shit can you put in one day sure Who hosted Today Show now? It's Hoda, right? It's Hoda and Jenna.

Yeah, so I pop in all the time and do little spots for them and shit. I thought it was hot. Oh my God, I love that we have some Pepsi Day Z, because I literally... Do you want some? I just took one in the car. My ass is reflux. I'm choking. Oh yeah? Big one. Yeah. Do you want?

Well, I just took one. Can you OD on Pepsi Day Z? Probably not. Yeah, you don't want to take too much. Okay. Oh wait, we'll see if the other one... Yeah, yeah. Get one. Can you OD on pepsi? I see probably not take too much. OK, well, wait, we'll see the other one. Yeah, yeah, we're in the sponsor. We were just talking about we were just Mark and I were just complaining about how certain men's shoes are uncomfortable and we had to catch ourselves because women you guys were like, no, we're all fucking uncomfortable.

I mean, I just put on a low boot. I had on a stiletto and I just threw this on in the car. I'm like fucking dying. They look great, but that would ruin me. No, two, two minutes that, I would kill myself. Can I tell you, I now have really bad sciatica. We're on my right side, because when I stand on stage and heels, I like tilt to the right.

So now my leg just goes numb. I have to see a fucking physical therapist. Why don't you wear like cool sneakers? Because I can't, I, listen, I can, but I feel like I like to feel put together. All right. All right, I'm sorry. I'm not a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal. You know what I mean?

Fuck it. Yes. We're recording Killing it. Thank you. We're full glam. Okay, great. We love this. What else are you doing while you're in town? I'm just jerking everybody off being like listen watch this special. Yeah, honestly, I've got giant enormous hands. I'm really good at it It is weird that is a turn off. Oh. That big hand. I saw an attraction woman the other day. She had really big hands and I was like, eh. Is this too big?

Or, look, right camera. Ah, you're fine. Is that okay? Okay, but I have nice like nails so I can like kind of stroke the dick while you do it. You know, just saying. I'm talented. I got a hand job once on shrooms and the nails

and I was like, there's a claw on my dick. It was too much. You can't go around to the backside with the nail, like you can't fuck with that, but you can like lightly, gently tickle the balls with the nail. Boy, that's exciting. Yeah, that's where I met in my life.

How are you guys? You're married. I'm gonna write that down. I'm married, yeah. Did I meet? I think you met Jeff, yeah, back in Michigan, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we looked it up, Matt looked it up and he goes, you're married to, she's married to Jeff Daniels.

And I was like, he was like the actor, I was like, no, she's not married to fucking Jeff Daniels. No, but I was doing ESPN yesterday, one of the producers came in and he was like, man, can you please tell your husband, I just love Dumb and Dumber. I was like, I will, I did not want to like, I didn't want to crush his spirit,

so I was like, yeah, it's that Jeff Daniels. But I also use his name carries a lot more weight than when I try to make like a nice dinner reservation than my name. So I always call and I use Jeff Daniels and they think it's newsroom or dumb and dumber Jeff Daniels. Yeah. And then they're so disappointed.

And they're so unbelievably disappointed when my ass walks in. Then he shows the ID. Yeah, and they're like, go fuck yourself. Yeah. That's not bad, cause you're not lying. You're not lying. A guy should change his name to like Tom Cruise, but like C-R, go fuck yourself. Yeah. That's not bad, because you're not lying. You're not lying. A guy should change his name to like Tom Cruise,

but like C-R-U-Z. Yeah. Yeah, it's like that. And they're like, no, I didn't say, not the Tom Cruise. I'm like, Tom Cruise. Yeah, this is y'all's fault for not figuring this out. Yeah. It's weird, my uncle's name is Putin.

So a lot of restaurants won't have us. There's some real estate agent in Dallas, and she's insane, but she looks just like me. And it's Heather McMahon, and she like sells town homes, and she's got the big fake t Dallas and she's insane, but she looks just like me. And her name is Heather McMahon and she like sells town homes and she's got the big fake tits and does the whole thing. And I'm like, I think I might just like- Can we pull her up?

Yeah. Pull her up! Heather McMahon, a realtor. She may spell it O-N. Oh, okay. Real tours are like taking over Instagram because we all like looking at- Well, they're good looking.

Well, that's me. Why play with this? Not just that though, like a home. Oh, yeah. David Tell had a bit about like how he's like, I'm more turned down by real estate than I am porn at your home. Well, they're good looking. Well, that's me, I play those. Not just that though, like a home. Oh yeah, this house porn. David Tell had a bit about how he's like, I'm more turned on by real estate than I am porn at this point. I am too.

I'll pull on a website and it'll be like, washer, dryer, engine. There she is. There's my girl, real state. Look at her. Oh, that's so down. Oh, she's so fucking hot. I live for her.

I would buy a condo from her. I would- Go through the back door. Yeah, exactly And then the rest is just it's just getting sad. Does she know of you? I don't know if she knows of me. I feel like she's probably been to a show. She looks like my core demographic She's in palace. Yeah, of course. You're majestic soon Heather McMahon Think she's related to Vince watch so I used to tell dudes all the time in college They'd always like is Vince like are you related Vince McMahon? I'm like fuck. Yeah, I am like don't fuck around I think she's related to Vince. Watch out. So I used to tell dudes all the time in college,

they'd always be like, is Vince, like are you related to Vince McMahon? I'd be like, fuck yeah I am. Like don't fuck around, buy me some drinks. They didn't check the spelling? No, they didn't check the, no of course they didn't fucking check the spelling. But I used to get free drinks all the time

because everyone thought I was a part of the WWE Empire. Wow. Yeah, I know how to milk that. Did you watch it at all? You know, wasn't really into wrestling. Were you a big wrestling guy? No, I wasn't, but the scandal is, I mean, he got his daughter in there,

he had a whole storyline where he's having sex with his daughter, then he cheats on his wife in front of her. Wait, that was one of the storylines? That was one of the storylines. No, the fuck it wasn't. You gotta see it. Oh, you could pull it up.

He makes himself the bad guy, pull up Vince cheats on wife in front of her with trash. His storyline, he puts his wife in a wheelchair. She's got some, dude, it is hilarious. You gotta see it. You don't even, wrestling doesn't even matter. It's just him being such a psycho. It's funnier, yeah.

I mean, poor Linda. Linda McMahon in a wheelchair. Did she run for office? Yeah. And she obviously lost, but she did run. What? Oh, look at the old young ones. Oh, the rot.

Pebble. I still get hot for the rot. Oh, who doesn't? I mean, he's hot. He's fucking mean he's fucking incredible what he's cooking okay, so this is Vince and this is this This Trish Stratus. I hate when it's like the dude. Yeah, I just want to see the raw footage. Yeah, I'm gonna say here's a peeve Reaction videos just give us the video give us the fucking video. There's no talent involved. You're just reacting just a 9-eleven crash So this is a woman he hired to be his mistress and there's his wife in the wheelchair and that's his real wife So you get an idea who's pushing the storylines? No Linda's in the wheelchair. Also, I wear that exact outfit on stage. Ha ha ha ha. So the entire world, so that everybody on the SmackDown can get a good, long look at my wife. Come on, Trish, let's go.

Ha ha ha ha. And they ask the wife, how are you OK with this? And she goes, well, it was the storyline, you know? He's the heel. But he is actually cheating on her. They said she's medicated. She doesn't even know she's here, so now she's popping Bill's weight. Ah

It's quite an elaborate way to cheat Real wife I look like Linda right now. I'm so dead inside. No, come on No, come on. It occurred to me that I spare no expense for my wife's comfort considering the condition she's in. I want you all to know that actually I provide her with the best. All right, I feel like we got it. I think it's somebody makes out with the younger lady.

The make out is pretty funny. Poor Linda. I guess she's counting the money. Was it, wait. Oh, I'm uncomfortable. Oh my God, what is happening? It's a hell of a documentary. Linda gets up and like beats this woman's ass, right?

No. No, that's one of the turns later on. She does get out of the wheelchair and like kick him in the nuts. But what's the deal with the daughter? He fucks the daughter? No, he pitched that storyline and they were like, no. No, I'm fucking creep.

So what is the new Netflix documentary? Cause isn't there one about how he's like an absolute creep? That's what it is. That's what it is, okay. But the real, see I'm like Mark, I was like kind of a wrestling fan, but casual. Casual. Is anybody really a casual wrestling fan?

No, I liked it. Okay, okay, okay. Here's my point, as a kid I really liked it, but as an adult I don't watch anymore, but this brought me back. But my friend Mike Lawrence is still a hardcore fan And he was like no all of us wrestling nerds are like they didn't go nearly hard enough on him Oh really wow I heard he was shitting on chess. Oh, yeah, and he was involved in a murder like they wait for real

Yeah with the shitting on the chest I would would absolutely believe, but a murder? What happened? Look up Jimmy Snooker Murder. Uh-oh. Yeah, the murder of Instagman covered up. Whoa! This guy's insane. Wow, this is a guy who got you a ton of free drinks. A ton of free drinks.

Good? No dates though, because that was the thing, it really backfired. Guys were like, oh fuck, I don't wanna fuck with you. Right, right. But a lot of free drinks. Maybe roofied a couple times, you know? But it's a...

Have you really been roofied? Oh yeah, I've been roofied before. What, really? Yeah, I was roofied once in college. And it was actually at a fraternity party and I was with one of my buddies who was like one of my best friends. And I had one vodka cranberry and I was down, down.

And it wasn't like, like my buddy was with me so he was like, what the fuck happened? Cause I mean, listen, I can handle my liquor, and I literally like hit the ground. I got roofied once. Oh, yeah, it was fucking crazy. And that's the same shit that happened to me. Yeah, I was immediately like violently ill.

But by the way, the drink was not meant for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Honestly, I don't, I was- I was at some Fred house, and they were handing it to a girl, and she was like, I'm too fucked up. I was like, I'll drink it, and I just fucking downed it, and that's all I remember.

Wow. This is how I know I was absolutely roofied. It was my first drink of the it and I just fucking downed it and that's all I remember. Wow. This is how I know it was, I was absolutely rude. It was my first drink of the night. It was the only thing that happened. Yeah, damn. And it was at like a Halloween party and I just went down, but shout out to my boy, Obie, who took me home and the class act.

Luckily your dress is Terry Shiver. Dress is triple H so nobody fucked with me. Yeah. Damn, scary and frat as it's so cliche. It's so cliche. Yeah, and I don't know. I'm not aware of it. Honestly, I think-, scary. And Frata's it's so cliche. It's so cliche. Yeah, and I don't know. I'm not aware of it. Honestly, I think-

Do you think they're ever raping someone? They're like, are we hacks? Uh, been there, done that, yeah. Oh God, yeah, I lived a wild life in college though, but only if you'd really once. Really, what kind of wild life? I mean, I just like really leaned in. I was a sorority girl.

I did it all. I went to a big SEC college So I just really knew how to like I live I went yeah went to Ole Miss so I lived like the All-american college dream. Yeah same. Yeah, we do to school. Well, I went to LSU. Oh fuck. Yeah Oh, I don't know if we can I did you watch the game this weekend? We might have fucked. Yeah Yeah, we actually I think we did fuck yeah Yeah, but it was crazy just going to those games. We had Tigerland, which was the area all the bars were in

that was called. We also had an actual tiger in a cage you could just visit. And that was like, wasn't it, the tiger sometimes like out of the bars or some shit? Like, there'd be a guy who would bring a cage and a car, like was on the truck bed. That's the most Cajun shit I've ever heard. PETA hated it.

Yeah. But Tigerland was crazy. And at the end, Tigerland would have a bus that would go around, pick all the drunk kids up so they wouldn't drive and drop you off at the dorms. So the bus was the best party. Of course. Because everyone's hammered by this point, now we're all on a bus together and we're all making out, getting blown, fist fights. Just fingering galore.

Absolutely. We had the rebel ride and it was a big white van. And then we had this guy, because we didn't have Ubers when we were in college. We had this guy named Vern who was absolutely on a no-fly list. And he would pick you up in a white van and it was called Angel Taxi. And everybody's parents gave their credit card to Vern at the beginning of the semester and you'd have an open tab. And Vern would come pick you up and you'd get in his literally windowless white van

and he would drive you around Mississippi and you didn't think twice about it. Wow. Vern's still doing the thing. Even though there's Uber and Lyft now, he's still running. Vern also went by BTK serial killer. That is hilarious. I can't believe you went to LSU. Well, I failed out.

Oh. But I got- How did you fail out of LSU? I failed out of three colleges. No fucking shit. I failed out of UNO. I'm from New Orleans. Yeah.

Failed out of UNO. then I went to Baton Rouge Community to get the grades up, then I went to LSU, then I filled out of there and went to Southeastern in Houma. Wow. Yeah, so I've been all over, my parents made me finish. Yeah. Sounds dirty.

That sounds very dirty. But. Dad, it makes me cum. Yeah, hell yeah it does. I just wanted to do comedy, so I moved here and my parents were like, you have to finish. So I finished online, which is a me cum. Yeah, hell yeah it does. I just wanna do comedy, so I moved here and my parents were like, you have to finish. So I finished online, which is a huge joke. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow, okay. Well, it's funny, like a certain, I feel like a degree means so much less now, but like to our parents it meant so much. Oh yeah, oh yeah. I mean, Ole Miss and Alabama were the only two schools I got into. So it was, I thought I was gonna go to like Pepperdine

and go out and do some like intense theater program and they were were like no bitch. Yeah, and so I had two weeks before graduation It was Ole Miss and Alabama were the only two schools and I visited Alabama I swear to God I saw a guy snort cocaine off a chicken tender and I said fuck Tuscaloosa And that was whoa, yeah contender chicken tender least classy way to do cocaine. Amen And people think I'm making up. I was like was like, no, no, no, I was 18 and I saw it. Wow. I can't figure out what race that is. I'm trying to put that together racially, stereotically.

He was white, right? And he was like a 10th year senior at Alabama. I was just like, I can't do this. Whatever happened to a mirror? Chicken tenders got all the grooves in it and stuff. Right, and you know what, in Alabama, Ole Miss, I mean, we have like those thick, juicy tenders. It wasn't like a slim tender, it was a thick greasy tender. Hey, it's a balanced meal

I guess there you go. So yeah, but I'm sorry. No, go ahead. Old Miss is beautiful We used to go to foam parties there. Fuck. Yeah, beautiful campus like old southern, you know, like slave shit Plantations and all that but it's so pretty and the trees it's a beautiful he's getting more descriptive Yeah, they're doing our work for us, we won't pain them. Well, we had a tiger in a cage, they had something else. Yeah, well, actually when I look back,

like my sorority house, I was a Delta Gamma, we lived in this like beautiful house, and then we'd have James, who was our like house manager, he would run everything in the house, and on Fridays, we'd all be so fucking hungover, because date nights and like party nights were Thursday nights. So we'd have Friday Friday. hungover because date nights and party nights were Thursday nights. So we'd have fried Friday.

So literally he would play the piano and he'd be singing like amazing grays. There'd be all these white sorority girls laying hungover in the floor. And the other women who worked in the kitchen would just come and lay hands on you and exercise the demons and then feed you hush puppies. And he's just like, I mean when I look back

it was super fucked up but that was my crew. That's a good time. Are you from Georgia originally? I'm from Atlanta, yeah. Oh, nice. And you still live in Atlanta? I still live in Atlanta. Hell yeah. I moved back to Atlanta a while ago.

I was living in the city, but pandemic hit and I was like, I want some space. So I'm having a golf course, you know, next to a country club, like it's good. Good for you. It's good, now when I come back to New York, I stay at a nice hotel and I don't have to schlep for four days and I go to all my favorite restaurants.

What are your favorite restaurants? I mean all the nice ones that you can't get into. Yep, Daniel's here. Yeah, exactly, exactly. No, I mean I love Il Bucco. We went to Fort Charles the other night, which was on, it was insane. Yeah, it's crazy.

So worth it. And what I like about Fort Charles is like, the guy who's waiting on us, what was his name, Brandon? Brandon, immediately like halfway through, I was like, dude, I'm gonna need a heater after this. And he pulled out a new port out of his pocket. And I was like, my man. Oh, shit.

Yeah, yeah. It was that kind of service. Where else? We go everywhere. I like to dine. Sure, dine it up. That's my hobby. Yeah, I mean, that's insane.

Look at that. Yeah, wow. You get the bacon on it or no? Oh, I get the bacon on it. And we got the steak, which was insane. That's the French dips insane. Oh, I love a French dip. I did a show at Peter Luger last night.

Wait, at Luger? Really? Yeah, well, those pop-up guys, David Levine. Yeah, those guys are good. But now our whiskey, Mark and I, our whiskey, Bodega Cat. Cellehooch. Hell yeah.

Is now gonna be at Peter Luger. So we were all drinking. Congratulations. Thank you. Shout out to Stefan, who's a big, we might be at Peter Luger. So we were all drinking. Congratulations. Thank you. Shout out to Stefan, who's a big, we might be drunk listeners as well. Thank you Ben and Haley for having our whiskey at Peter Luger.

Stefan, one of the bartenders there was like, I listen to every episode, I was so mad. Strip House got Bodega Cat before we did. But we, yeah, we're fucking, we're there. Wait, let me see the Bodega Cat. I wanna see this. Take a swig. Okay, so is it hard getting into the liquor biz? I feel like there's so much red. It's crazy

We've been we've been struggling, but we got a guy to help us and he mediates all of it So congratulations a little bit the acid reflux is still pretty time. We can make you a pepsi martini Yeah, honestly sucks about acid reflux is everything good is acidic. Everything. Coffee. I know. Tomatoes. Cigarettes. That's true. Shrimp cocktail.

Everything is too acidic. Citrus, yeah, it's everything. Congratulations. Look at that bodega cat at Peter Lugar's. That's huge. Hell yeah. That's iconic. Yeah, we were, it was great.

Soda was on the show. We did a fun night. Oh, nice. Nice. All right. Great. I got gotta ask. Back to Hotlana. Hotlana hit me. Which I know no one says. No, can I be honest with you? I say Hotlana.

Okay, great. As a native Atlantan, I say it, it's fucking hot. So if you're like, it's Hotlana, yes, that's an accurate description of it. Love it. Well, first we gotta talk about Johnny's Hideaway. The best bar in the world. The best bar in the world.

It's Cougar Heaven. Yeah, I mean, the bartenders literally wear T-shirts that say, Got Cougars. So people don't know about it. Johnny's Hideaway is like, you know, it's... What? Oh. Have I been to it?

There's a line out the door every Saturday. It's hard to get in, but it's old school. Mirror Dance Floor. They play the best music. It is such a vibe. You can still smoke in there. Oh, yeah. You know, great chicken tenders.

It is my favorite place. In fact, after my dad's funeral, all my friends sent me to Johnny's Hideaway. You can still smoke in there. Great chicken tenders. It is my favorite place. In fact, after my dad's funeral, all my friends sent me to Johnny's Hideaway. We celebrate sad times, good times, all the times at Johnny's. You need a bar like that. Look, Clint Eastwood's there with, is it Prince Harry?

Hey! Good times. It's red, it's velvety, it's wooden, it's just killer. It's a great dive. Man, I'd be pretty badass at serve Clint Eastwood a drink. Yeah, so definitely. And then I gotta- Is he still alive?

94. Wow. He's 94, he's still making shit. I know, I know. It's crazy, some of these directors now, like isn't Ridley Scott's making a new Gladiator? He's fucking 87. Jesus. Jesus.

And Biden's gotta see that and go, hey, I'm fucked up. Damn it, I don't have it. But then we gotta talk about the Claremont. Another great staff. I've been there. Staple. That hotel was great too.

So, you know, the main gal who dances there, she got a breast reduction. No! And she used to crush the beer cans with her tits. And we actually, again, we go there all the time. And shout out to my favorite dancer, Coco. She's phenomenal. Is that Blondie who got the... Yeah, Blondie. Yeah, Blondie used there all the time. And shout out to my favorite dancer, Coco. She's phenomenal. Is that Blondie who got the...

Yeah, Blondie. Yeah, Blondie used to crush the Coke cans. And we were there like maybe two years ago and someone was like, do the can thing. And she's like, fuck you, I got my tits done. I can't do the cans. But we go there, I mean, every other month. Like it is just an Atlanta staple.

It is, it's a great spot. It's cash only. It's like Clapton not playing Layla. Exactly. I know. That's your thing, the titty beer can crush. It is kind of gross though. No, it's fantastic.

And I love going to strip clubs, like really good strip clubs, because I guess because I have a raspy voice and big tits and blonde hair, everyone thinks that I used to dance. So I get really VIP service. Or I was like, girl, I know you. I don't know where I know you from,

but I get free lap dances. Like I really get treated like a queen. Where do you get recognized the most? Where? I mean, you know, probably a fucking Nordstrom rack. Like wherever a bunch of women are like fighting for their lives, that's where I get recognized. I mean, obviously in the South,

like I've got a really strong Southern audience, but it's funny because, wait, I told you this Sam before, we were on a flight together and we hadn't met yet. And it was such a great example of how different our audiences are. You're sitting in front of me in first class and this guy gets on and he's like, fuck yeah Sam, fuck you dude, fucking love you.

Like just screaming, go fuck yourself. Yeah. A fan gets on, sits right across from me and she goes, oh my God, Heather, you have to stay at my hotel. It's called the Dewberry in Charleston. I'll hook it up, rooms for free, I love you bitch. And I was like, it's just such a difference. Your fans are giving you shit.

My fans are giving me shit. Mine's coming to get fucking bent. Exactly. Yeah, I mean, you know, women are wild though, cause I don't know how your fans are, but like women, they'll just get backstage. Oh yeah, yeah. You're just in your dressing room,

you're like, how the fuck did you get back here? Really? Yeah, cause they're not threatening to security. Right, I had this exact thing happen to me. You gotta get a here? Really? Yeah, because they're not threatening to security. Right. I had this exact thing happen to me. You gotta get a bigger female audience. Yeah, I do. Well, I have three.

Okay. But I did a show in Chelsea last week, Paul Rudd is in the green room just randomly. And I'm like, oh my God, Paul Rudd, he's so handsome. It looks great. And I did a set and I get off and he goes, hey, funny stuff. And I'm like, oh, I'm talking to Paul Rudd.

And this woman barges in the green room and goes, I gotta say, I've seen you three times this week. You did the same material I'm upset and I'm like shut the fuck up. I'm talking to Paul Rudd and how the hell'd you get back here? But Paul Rudd's like oh fuck this guy Wow my chances of blowing Paul Rudd All right is boys with our friend Peter Schrager, the sports cast. And I did the night of too many stars thing for Robert Smygle, there was a dropout, obviously. And I ended up having like a mixed set,

like I shouldn't have closed in a dead baby joke, maybe it would have been a benefit, but you know what, you live by the sword, you die by the sword. And I got off and it's a weird feeling when that last joke doesn't hit. Cause like I just look over and Harvey Keitel's like this. And then I look over and Steve Buscemi's like,

and then I look over and Paul Rudd is doing this. And I was like, thank God for Paul Rudd. He's a cool dude, but this lady was just ruining my vibe with him, because she's basically calling me a hack. But she's a fan, clearly. I know, but I'm like, how did she get back here? But she was non-threatening. But when sometimes when were too big of a fan. They they know too much. Yeah And sometimes they don't think you got a pad some of that material

Yeah, but like cuz I got that in London to where people were like I've heard some of these jokes and I'm like, well, it was like over 40 a new it's a certain point Yeah, I gotta make it a full show question. what do they expect? You're also running the fucking material. Exactly. That is how you do it. You work on it. I know. Like, what do they want?

I had a woman back. It's rare, this is rare. Yeah, that is true. Yeah. I had a woman come back to one of my, she's stuck in my dressing room. I was doing a show in Indianapolis and she just went up to security.

And you know, like a lot of my fans, they dress up. Like I like to, you know, I always show up on stage, like really dressed up. And so, you know, the security guard just saw another white woman like coming through and she's like, oh, I'm her cousin, I'm good. She just said, my name's Lane, I'm good. And so they let her through.

And I, you know, I get off stage and I sweat like fucking Cat Williams. Like I need a beach towel to like ring out after I'm done. So I immediately strip off like my costume, if you will, my glitter suit, and I'm standing there butt fucking naked. And this girl just goes, I found you. Oh my God. You know what you don't say to somebody?

I found you. Oh my Lord. So I kind of pause a second. I said, you sure did. Hold on one second. Let me put on some underwear. And I turn around and she goes, oh, don't worry. I'm not going to touch you.

I said, that's the second thing you don't say to someone. Yes, yes. And she was harmless. Buffalo Bill was more subtle. Yeah. Put the lotion in the basket. And I said how did you get back here? She's like I just told security I was your cousin, my name's Lane. And I was like well honestly good for you. She's like now we have a

party bus. Do you want to get on? There's like 200 girls on there. I was like no I don't. I want to put on a fucking bra and have some chicken tenders leave me alone. Right. That's the weird thing about fans. They know everything about you except the fact that you don't want to hang out with them. You know what I mean? This is like the one fan.

I feel like most of the people that stop us are so cool. Yeah. Most of the people know. That's true. But I know what you mean. Like the one person who's just like, who's just like, yeah, sneaks back there and lied to your family member.

You don't know that that's not cool. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But they think he'll want to hang out with me though. You know, it's me, it's me. Yeah, it's me. I'm Carl, I'm fun, you know? Part of me does kind of respect it, that you're doing something insane for the story.

Yes, yes, exactly. I like my girls because they have money, so I get nice gifts. You know, I'll lean in. I get really nice stuff, monogrammed. You know, I get some jewelry. Oh yeah, my girls know how to treat me right. I get like half a bottle of whiskey. They're like, I drank the first part of this,

but it's high west, it's good stuff. I get homemade edible cake or whatever. So like, this is a cake I made with a lot of wheat in it. I'm like, so there's drugs and you made it? This is a weird combo. Would you feel weird about taking a baked good? Cause I, some- I do it all the time.

Yeah, me too. I do it too. I mean, it's like when that- I eat everything. When the sugars get low, I need that sweet treat fix. Same. That, me too. I do it too. I mean, it's like when the sugars get low, I need that sweet treat fix. Same. That's my downfall.

It really is. Like a warm chocolate chip cookie with perfect. Oh. And that is salt on top. Fuck me up. I mean, if you wanted to kill me, put a little fentanyl in that and I'll eat it. There you go, folks.

A Levain box of cookies with fentanyl? It's a wrap. That's it. I love those. They're so fucking good. What's your vice on the road? Like can you drink and party on the road? I drink and party on the road too much And then you know you stay up late, then you hit the diner now

You're eating a fucking meatloaf at 4 a.m.. You ran out of Pemps at AC The lady the lady didn't hurts me almost as much that's the age I'm at the lady didn't hurt so much I'm right there with you ice Ice cream too will get me. Oh, that's the local ice cream shop. It's been open for 400 years. I'm like, all right, put it in my ass. Yeah, the IBS flares up. Now you're shitting yourself right before you go on stage.

That's what I'm trying not to do. I'm trying not to shit myself before I go on stage. Has that ever happened where you've had a bathroom incident and you're like, the opener's got to stretch? Yeah, you're like, I'm not gonna make it. I mean, for sure, cause what do we do? We eat out of clubs and theaters and airports. I mean, at one point, I can't look at a sous vide egg bite

from Starbucks anymore. Cause I live off those. I kind of like them though. I mean, you're like, okay, I'm just gonna get that pure protein, but there's so much sodium. You can't get your rings off and you just feel like you're choking yourself out. Yeah, I have diarrhea every day of my life.

I should be thinner for the amount I'm shitting. Those egg bites are great to do coke on. Yeah, truly, truly. Yeah, but my wife's a diarrhea machine. That's what we all call it. Basically one of those coffee machines at a barista place. at a barista place. It's like, pfft. But. On draft cold brew. It's hot brew.

But yeah, we'll go to a hotel and it'll say like, hey, you can't come in this hot tub for two weeks after you've had diarrhea. So she's like, I just can never go in a hot tub. So I've never seen my wife in a hot tub. She does a whole joke about it. I don't do well in hot tubs though, period. It gets too hot too quick.

You know, and I like to booze. If I'm getting in a hot tub, I want to have about three glasses of red wine. And that's the worst combo you can do is red wine and a hot tub. I'm not even a bath girl either. Like do you enjoy a bath? No, that's Matthew Perry territory.

Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't end well in the bath. No. It never ends well in the bath. But I'm tall. And when you have big tits and you're tall, the water never really keeps your tits warm cause they just kind of float. So you're constantly, no're tall, the water never really keeps your tits warm because they just kind of float.

So you're constantly, no matter what, you're never really submerged. It's not comfortable or relaxing for me. It's like icebergs. Yeah, you just have hard nips. It's not fun. I agree, I can't get clean. Then you're just swimming in your own filth.

I don't get it. And then you gotta take a shower afterwards. I was like, should have done that in the first place. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not a bath bomb. You know what doesn't work? I tried having sex in a tub. Oh, forget it. Which is a huge mistake. You end up just doing standup dog done that in the first place. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not a bad girl. You know what doesn't work? I tried having sex in a tub. Oh, forget it.

Which is a huge mistake. You end up just doing stand-up doggy style in the tub. It's ridiculous. Done in the shower. Never done in a tub. Shower works. But one to use cold. One to use cold, and you're losing some lady lube

down there. You're losing lube, and then when you get out and you move it to the bed, you're both soaking wet. And then a lot of queefs can happen because there's too much air and there's too much water, and then your husband's calling you kitty queef, and it just really takes you out of the mood. So I get that.

Chief queef. Chief queef. Yeah, no. I'll tell you what, nothing worse than a queef. Nothing better and nothing worse. You love a queef? Why do women get so queefing up, I say? It's just goofy. Queefs are goofy. It is goofy.

Queef is Sutherland. Yeah, I mean, it's just one of those. It looks like, pull up a video of Barney from The Simpsons burping. I thought you were gonna say queefy, and I was like, is that an episode? No, no, no. But his lips do a thing, and it looks like

it reminds me of my wife. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah. Just give me that burp. Yeah. Yes. Hold on. Looking for underwear that's gonna keep your package cozy

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You know what I'm talking about. Oh yeah. Yo, that was crazy, Barney Burpin. Ah, shit. Barney Burpin. Ah, shit. Barney Burps, season one. The Simpsons are so great, because you just don't realize, you're like, oh Barney, that's a funny character,

and you get older, you're like, that's a really dark character. Booze bag, alcoholic, yeah, who has nowhere to go. There, there we go. That's it, that's an accurate queef. There we go. Wow, thank you for that visual. The Plow King?

I really appreciate that. The Plow King, yeah, the best. Yeah. Still on. God, what a great. Wow, thank you for that visual. I really appreciate that. The plow king, yeah, the best. Yeah. Still on the air, by the way. There you go, let it rip. Perfect timing. So how the hell did you get involved with the Falcons? Cause I wanna get involved with the Saints.

Oh, I've got some, we'll make some calls. Oh really? I've actually got a lot of touch points to norms. You're like a sports person, you like sports. I do like sports. I mean, my husband's an absolute addict to the point where it's like, you're not the fucking coach. Like nobody can hear you screaming, like, let it go.

But no, yeah, I love that. Shout out to the Falcons. Yeah, they brought me out. That's amazing. I, you know, as a girl, I mean, listen, again, I went to an SEC school, so I'm a diehard Ole Miss fan, but I'm involved in like, you know, dude shit. But it was funny being at the game.

So like, I'm in a VIP area or whatever. It's literally myself. It's a little John, it's Quavo. It's like, who else was there? Atlanta, it was all Atlanta rapper royalty. And then there was me with my full blowout. Go dirty birds. Right, right.

Were they cool? Yeah, they're great. Yeah, they're awesome. Oh, that's amazing. Atlanta's, I'm so proud to be from Atlanta. I love it. I know a lot of people like, they're always like, oh, you live in Atlanta? I'm like, yeah. Yeah, they're awesome. Oh, that's amazing. Atlanta's, I'm so proud to be from Atlanta. I love it. I know a lot of people like, they're always like, oh, you live in Atlanta?

I'm like, yeah, that's my fucking town. Like, it's just good people. I love Atlanta, great comedy town. Yeah, great comedy town. I think their fans are a little too nice. Like, I was watching the Giants, when the Giants were on that hot Super Bowl run. Right.

The second Super Bowl, I was with, maybe it was the first, I don't know, it was, I think, the second. I was with Josh maybe it was the first, no, it was I think the second, I was with Josh Gondelman in Atlanta, and I had my Eli Manning jersey with me. I go to the bar, I'm expecting everyone to be like, fuck you pussy, get the fuck out. Everyone was so friendly, I was like, disappointed.

I wanted people to be a little meaner. They also saw Eli, so half of them probably went to Ole Miss too, so they're like, hotty toddy, we get it, we love Eli. I was in the sorority with Eli's mom, Olivia. So I love the Mannings, they're good people. Damn, she's young. Yeah, I know, right?

But yeah, they're really good people. From New Orleans, by the way. I grew up with the raging Cajun, Bobby A. Bear. Oh yeah, sure. So I grew up with his kids, they're like my best friends. And so we're really big Bobby A. Bear fans. Oh, local legend. Local legend.

He's always like, oh, hey, you don't wanna come down and you wanna try the hot wings at my restaurant. Cause he has this place called the Raging Cajun. Yeah, not James Carp. No, not James Carp. It kind of sounds the same. He goes by the Raging Cajun. I know, and he is from Louisiana.

Do Bobby A. Bear, H-E-B-E-R-T. Yes, the H is silent. Yeah. It's French. He's a fucking legend. He used to pick me up for carpool and I'd have that thick New Orleans accent. I have no idea what the fuck he was saying. You went by Vern? Yeah, yeah. He went by Vern in Angel Taxi. He's like, Hattie, you want to go to Dunkin' Noonuts? And I'm like, what the fuck did your dad just say, Kim? He's like, you know what, go get some munchkins at the Dunkin' Noonuts. That's pretty good. Yeah, there's Bobby. Oh, he's a dream. When I was a kid, every mom was into Bobby A-Bear. Of course, yeah.

He's a hunk and a half. And there is his place. Bobby A-Bear's Cajun Cannon. That's it, I'm sorry, he's not the raging Cajun, he's the Cajun Cannon. There you go, because of the arm. Yeah. He had a cannon.

So you love, what are your favorite places to play in the South besides Atlanta? I mean, listen, Nashville is, I think, one of the best comedy audiences. I love Zanies, I love playing the Ryman. They're just like good. Shout out to Lucy. Yeah, well, Lucy's the best.

Dorfman. Have you done the Ryman? Oh yeah, I did. Wow. The Ryman. Beautiful, one of the best. Did it last, just on the last tour. But the, okay, this is, you know,

first show at the Ryman, amazing, my second show, in the middle of the show, somebody who's running concessions, the popcorn machine overheated, and all the Ryman, amazing. My second show, in the middle of the show, somebody who's running concessions, the popcorn machine overheated, and all the alarms started going off. But there was a tornado, we were on tornado watch or whatever in Nashville, so everybody fucking panicked

and thought the tornado was coming. So we all had to evacuate, but then everybody came back in and we finished the show, and they were literally like, sorry, that was a popcorn machine. In the middle of the show, we had to evacuate. What a horrible reason to evacuate. I know, I was like, oh, hit the deck,

a tornado's coming, we're all gonna be survivors, we'll have a story to tell, I'll get 10 more minutes of material. But no, it was just some bitch, wasn't keeping an eye on the popcorn. Redenbacher. It happened to me in Sacramento once, where it was like, you know, they were like,

we have to evacuate, and I was at the punch line, and I was like, all right, and they were like, oh, it's just the thing, we can't turn it off, but we, yeah, we- The smoke alarm? Yeah, and I was like, all right. And they were like, oh, it's just the thing. We can't turn it off, but we, yeah. The smoke alarm? Yeah, and I was like, oh, what do we do? And they're like, nothing. We just have to like give everyone a refund.

And I was like, so I felt horrible because a lot of those people, I was just like hanging out with everyone from the show. And they were like, we got a babysitter. This is the only night we can come. And I was like, I'll hang with you guys. So like an hour and a half. And they were like, all right.

We left the Sacramento, we were doing a show. I walk out and we see that there's cops everywhere. We're coming back down the back alley of the theater. And they're like, hey, just give us a second. And so Tina was with me, she like pops up, she's like, hey, are we good? Can we like slide out? And they're like, no, you just missed a drive-by shooting.

Like literally 30 seconds ago, fresh bullet holes. They're like, we still have our guns drawn. We literally need to put our guns down. You're okay. And just give us a minute. We had to sit in the car, we missed a shootout by like 30 seconds. Yeah, and we were in the theater, so you couldn't hear anything.

And they're like, man, wow, wild timing. Yeah, we almost died. We almost died. They got that soundproofing right. Can you imagine being on stage? You guys are like, oh, fuck, oh, they got me. Oh. In the early days, I would do a lot of firehouses,

have firehouse gigs, did one in Long Island. Bombing horribly, the fireman hated me. Alarm goes off. They all had to jump up, jump in the truck, whoo. I got saved by the bell. Yeah, literally. I was bombing so bad, I was like, thank God his house down the street is on fire. Thank God these people are gonna die.

Yeah. So I'm not dying. I was done. Where do you like to perform in the South? Well, I love Atlanta. I love Florida's fun and so is Texas. Yeah. Yeah, everybody in Texas is a good time. I can only do like Northern Florida.

I'm not in Miami, Fort Lauderdale. No, no shame. That's not my crowd. I like Fort Lauderdale. Miami is tough. They're not comedy people. They're not comedy people. They're hot.

But like Tampa, oh. Love Tampa. I am obsessed with Tampa. Those are always my favorite. I'm thinking about doing my next special there. There's something about the Tampa Theater. Great theater. It's a beautiful theater.

And it's like Tampa people, like you'll never hear them groan. No. Nothing defends these people. No. They're great. They're sick fucks. Last time I was in Tampa,

Bill Burr was playing in another theater around the corner and I just see him walking down the street holding like a sad pizza, just kind of walking by himself. I was like, I'm not gonna stop and say hi, I know he's in the zone. But I was like, we're all just grinding it out in Tampa. Yeah. That is the beauty of comedy.

Yeah. You see one of the greatest comics ever at the peak of his powers and he's still just having a sad. Yeah. That road pizza. Yeah. But he's sober too, so that pizza's all he's got.

Yeah, true, true. When he did our pod, we that pizza's all he's got. Yeah, true, true. When he did our pod, we were like, what do we do? He's sober, like what do we do? Yeah. And Mark's like, root beer floats and a cigar, and I was like, fucking genius. He loves the float. Honestly, we don't talk about root beer floats enough.

Amazing. I think we need to rebrand them. They need to have some sort of marketing moment. Root beer floats are fucking delicious. Delicious, I grew up with a barks root beer, with a scoop of vanilla, or a&w ice cream but yeah in a mug come on oh my god that's what killed Ralphie May like the orange the orange soda flow to that never go to hell yeah cream sickle box

yeah yeah you like to blaze him I like when Mark sure said I love Texas I love parts of Florida as we just said I love Atlanta's killer going back to the Tabernacle. That's gonna be a great venue. Love that. I just did the Fox over there. Durham's great. Yeah, the Fox's great. Durham's great, Raleigh, that area.

Charlotte's great. Oh yeah, Charleston's great. Oh yeah. I'm probably not gonna be able to hit there till the fall, but that was killer last time. Trying to think what else is. The South is having a moment, comedic. South is great. Thank you. You, Theo, Nate, LeAnn Morgan.

I mean, Nashville's popping, Austin's popping. It's really. Tulsa last time I did it was killer. Oklahoma City's fun too. OKC's great. OKC's very good crowds. I love Kentucky too. Kentucky's great.

Lexington. I shot my first special in Lexington. Where'd you shoot it? The Lexington Opera House. Nice. Pull it up special in Lexington. Where'd you shoot it? The Lexington Opera House. Nice, pull it up. Pull it up, she's a beaut. I love Lexington, I love shadow comedy off Broadway Jordan Club, yeah.

Kentucky doesn't get its due, it's like Rolling Hills, the horses, the bourbon, I love it. The bourbon trail, it's a vibe. It's like what, like other countries, like if they wanna see like America, Yes. In a fun way, like the bourbon and the fucking, you were at Keenland, the racing.

Oh yeah. But do you feel as like a native NOLA guy, like I feel like it's so different. Like, I mean, I consider obviously Louisiana's like super, obviously it's the South, but that's a whole different lifestyle. It is, I think it's the most unique American city, for sure.

Without a doubt. All right, I'll take it. Are you a big Mardi Gras guy, you go it's the most unique American city, for sure. Without a doubt. All right, I'll take it. Are you a big Mardi Gras guy? You go back? Big Mardi Gras all the time. I will say, not the best comedy town. It's got a little of the Miami thing where they just wanna party, they wanna drink,

they wanna yell, they wanna dance, so they don't wanna hear about your therapy bit. Yeah. Well, when I played there recently, I was worried, because I'm like, okay, they're gonna be so fucked up. And then I realized everybody from there is just a seasoned alcoholic.

Yes. They were a lot more tame than I expected. And I was quite impressed. I was like, oh, I forgot. You all have been drinking since you were like, nine and a half years old. Exactly. So you know how to handle your liquor.

These women are like fucking vets. Oh, give me more energy. But you're like, oh, no, this is every day for you. You've got to. Yeah. Yeah. I always say Jews have bar mitzvahs. Ours are DUIs. Yeah. That's when you're like, oh no, this is every day for you. Yeah. Yeah. I always say Jews have bar mitzvahs, ours are DUIs. Yeah.

That's when you're like, oh, I'm going to become a man. I'm 13. I had a DUI. I mean, we would drive from Ole Miss down to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. As soon as you cross into Louisiana from Mississippi, you have the daiquiris dance. Oh, yeah.

And as long as you don't puncture the straw through the cup, you can't get a DUI. So you just pop the lid off, you know, you get pulled over, your mouth is stained, like electric blue, and you're like, I'm a get officer. It's funny, you're getting more alcohol, actually, by drinking it that way. 100%.

But yeah, when I was a kid, you get in a cab, and the guy had a beer between his legs. That was completely normal. I remember being in those, that was crazy. It's too lame. I got one more for you. Yeah, yeah, hit me. Knoxville, Tennessee, killer.

Love Knoxville. For some reason, was like one of the hottest shows last year, going back for you. Yeah, yeah, hit me. Knoxville, Tennessee, killer. Love Knoxville. For some reason was like one of the hottest shows last year. Going back to the Bijou Theater again, love it. Okay, but here's the thing. I got chased out by a fucking ghost at the Bijou Theater. Oh, come on. Have you not felt the ghost there? Holy shit.

No, no, no, I'm dead ass, serious, okay? You know how that dress, that big dressing room's at the very, very top of the theater? Yeah. I remember. Well, we were, the crew was like, hey, we're gonna go out and close out. Like you guys take your time or whatever.

We're like, yeah, we're just gonna sit and eat. And they were like, you know, beware of the ghosts or whatever. I'm not even kidding you. I felt a coldness I have never felt before in my life. And we were chased out by a fucking ghost. Come on. Yeah.

It's a dark past. What a weird thing for a ghost to do. That's what I said. You're just like hanging out and be like, get out. It was like a bartender. Like you got, you don't have to stay here. Right. Yeah. And then we got really freaked out and we left.

And you know, the, the, the theater light was on, on, on the stage. God, I can't talk. I've done so much fucking press today. I'm like stroking it. You want a cocktail? You good? How you need anything?

You know what I have to do next? Nightline. I thought it was date line. My agent call was like, What was like what dateline I was like who the fuck did I murder? I'm doing nightline. I actually kind of want a cocktail, but I'm like what is a cocktail is nightline like a 60 minutes Yeah, do you want us to make a drink or do you want to go straight up? You know what? I'll let me no pressure. I'm not trying to get you to drink here. No, it's fine All right, I might not honestly be nice take the edge off all right. No no no pressure. He's gonna get some ice Oh, thank you. Wow look drink here. No, it's fine. All right. It might not honestly be nice, take the edge off. All right, no pressure. He's gonna get some ice.

Oh, thank you, wow, look at that. Yeah, he's good. Yeah, but this is completely haunted and it's terrifying. Okay. That is wild, all right. Yeah, you hear about that all the time, where they're like, there's always some story, like Elvis fucked someone in that coat closet.

Right, right. Yeah, the ghost stuff is crazy. I got to do a midnight tour of Graceland, a private tour, and it is one of the most haunted places on the planet because all of Elvis's fans come and they spread ashes at Graceland and they told they were like the hardest thing, the hardest problem that we have is that people

will just come and like throw out ashes. So there's like thousands of people's dead relatives spread all over Graceland. Wow, it's like Auschwitz. This is crazy. That's horrible. I also did a Graceland tour. That place is incredible. He had like so many TVs in every wall. He's obsessed with having a TV on all the time. He had a bullet hole through his daughter's slide on the playground because he would just shoot guns. The horses, the police collection, he was a cop. Kind of like moonlit as a cop

and he would pull people over for fun. Crazy guy. I'm on a deep conspiracy theory on TikTok that I think he's still alive. I would be very fucking old now, but yeah. How old would he be? I don't know. Gotta be 95.

Your producer's literally making me a drink so we can't look him up. God damn it, Matt. You know, what's up? I'll open up a task. Yeah Almost I mean he'd be in his 90s. Yeah 90. Yeah, nice 91 nice Tina Dana hell yeah, she went to Ole Miss too, but she was a smart one. Oh, yeah Yeah, now let me ask you this one is it straight up or do you want a cocktail? What do you want?

I don't care, what do you, are y'all gonna drink? I'll have a cocktail, go cocktail. I'll have one if you're having one. Yeah, I'll have a cocktail. All right. It's actually nice. It's a little harsh without it. Should we do a boulevardier of Manhattan?

What do you want to do? Sure, well it's dealer's choice. You surprise me, I drink everything. Okay. Let's do a Campari and sweet vermouth. Ooh, nice, yeah. And then we'll get the little shot thing so I can just measure it. Oh, you're gonna make it? Yeah. Oh nice, yeah. And then we'll get the little shot thing so you just measure it.

Oh you're gonna make it? Yeah. Oh great. Tina can also make a fierce cocktail. Yeah. Oh hey. We've lived a hundred lives. We used to bartend in New York. It's simple. I can't wait for the Nightline episode.

That's the other thing. I was like call her daddy and that bitch. Yeah, I'm literally like, Nightline seems a little official to be in comics, right? Yeah, I'm shocked. I don't get it. But whatever. I'm here. I've got my leather jacket on. Let's do it. Yeah. Comedy's in a weird place because like you did call her daddy and so did Kamala. You know, like we shouldn't be crossing paths with presidents, but it's just where we're at now. You know what? I wanted to say this. Okay. Everybody was giving Alex shit and I said fuck yeah, do your thing Alex.

I'm like so Trump can go on Theo's podcast and Andrew's and that it's okay. But then they wanted to give her shit because she talks about like women's issues. Suck my dick. I'm sorry. Oh, did she get I didn't know she got shit. Yeah. Oh, we got a ton of shit. And now I'm getting shit from these psycho Trump supporters. Really? Because they're signing in my DMs saying all this crazy shit, because they didn't realize I was a comic.

So they're like, you're filthy, how could the vice president talk when you're on this? And I was like, it was a great episode. So go fuck yourself. Yeah, blow me. Yeah. I mean, if the presidential candidate wants to come on the pod you gotta have you gotta have mom

I don't know that's crazy. Yeah, and Theo told me he's trying to get Kamala. So that would be a nice Yeah, he had Bernie Sanders on like I just it's so insane that people want to throw her under the bus I'm like, she's a woman talking about women's issues, right? Like on a woman's pocket What do you yeah people get so I always say it's weird, people Taylor Swift endorsed her, and so everybody burned, not everybody, but a bunch of people burned Taylor Swift's records, and I'm like, no one burned. Who did?

Three old dudes somewhere in fucking Mississippi. Well, they filmed it, they put it on Twitter. But it's the same shit you do when you're like, when your favorite player, Right, Capernic. Burned Kevin Durant's child, and it's like, you end up being fine with him. But my point is, no one burned an R. Kelly record.

You know, like, he had a way worse back record, but you're burning this lady's. I peed on mine, that was fine. Felt appropriate. Dude, I'm telling you right now, okay? So, you know, I've had a couple people sign my DMs, Heather, you know, you're in Hollywood now, like, did you ever get invited to a freak-off?

I'm like, no, I've never been invited to a freak-off. Maybe like a freaking fun taco Tuesday at a sad comedian's house. But I'm like, you think that I would go to P. Diddy's house, blow Meek Mill, and then still give my agents 10%? Fuck outta here. You know what you're doing? You're tickling balls.

If I'm having to do this shit to sell my soul to the devil to be in Hollywood, my agents and my managers and publicists and all this bullshit better be there doing the same fucking shit. You work the balls, that's your 10%. Good point. Yeah, or cause I had the acrylics, I'll just scratch it up a little bit.

Well, that's what's weird about the P. Diddy and the Epstein, like I'm such a loser. If they invited me to that, I would go. Cause I didn't know that nefarious shit was going to- Thank you guys. I'm such a ped, if they invited me to that I would go. Cause I didn't know that nefarious shit was going to. I'm such a pedophile that if I got it. Here's the thing, I have no to cheers. Hey. No, thanks for having me, I really appreciate it.

Go Saints. Can I tell you? Fantastic. Very nice. No bullshit, nice job. Goes down easy. Simple three ingredients. 12 years sober down the drain.

Oh God. We drink a lot of these. Yeah, that's really good. You should be so proud of yourself for the liquor. I was trying to think like every liquor somebody has tapped that market. I'm like, what could I do? What am I, should we bring rum back?

Like I feel like rum needs a moment. Does need a moment. I go to the Turks and Caicos a lot. We could like rebrand some rum runners. Maybe that's my- Rum is good. I feel to the Turks and Caicos a lot. We could like rebrand some Rum Runners. Maybe that's my- Rum is good. I feel like Rum is kind of a bad name right now because I feel like it's like with little kids

or the Caribbean. It's like- What do you mean Rums with little kids? Like Rum and Coke when you start out. Got it. I feel like when you're a kid, you order Rum and Coke. Yeah. Yeah, I used to drink Bacardi and Diet Coke

in my dorm room at home. There you go. I can't even smell Bacardi. But if they want to give me money, I'll absolutely. You like a rum old fashioned, there's shit you could do with rum that's pretty good. And I like rum. But a good, really good sipping rum

as an after dinner drink. So I'm a, I like an aperitivo, I like a digestive. I have, and that's always probably why I'm hungover because I have 18 different types of alcohol every night. The mixing will get you. The problem with with these all these drinks are so sugary They are a fizzle a fucking daiquiri a pina colada You know a really nice rum on the rocks yeah with the cigarette after dinner if you're in the Turks and Caicos Oh, I love a dark and stormy

Great Daniels Yeah Stormy, great. Stormy Daniels. That's an underrated one. Yeah. Dark and Stormy is good. I went to Hawaii not too long ago and drinking a pina colada on the beach with the sunset. You can't beat it. Nothing better. Yeah.

That's rum for you. Yeah, where do you go when you're not touring, when you're not working, where's your happy place just to chill? Being home at this point, it's a boring answer, but like. But it's the truth. I don't leave sometimes, like, I feel like

when I come home from the road, I'm such an extrovert, like social person. Really? But I am so fucking overstimulated, I won't leave my house for like a full 48 hours. That's healthy. Is that healthy? Yeah, I think you gotta recharge.

Yeah, that's how I feel. I'm sorry if I came in frazzled today, but it's been overst over stimulation for the past week Just running around and you know trying to like I get a fucking special and do that shit Yeah, I just want to like sit and fucking giggle. Yeah, is this your second special in like a year? Yeah Wow How do you pump it out? Um I make it up for lost time. You know what I mean? So I also just I I was always a year ahead there on it's on Hulu breadwinner Mm-hmm. Oh hell yeah Hulu, it's called Breadwinner.

Oh hell yeah, Hulu's scooping up everybody. Yeah. Are you the first Hulu special to come out? I think so. I was kind of the guinea pig. Now they licensed it from me, so I produced it, but I told them, I said, please just give me a date before the election.

I said, I don't care when it comes out. I don't want it to come out in November or December. But so I've been kind of the guinea pig, but it's been great. I mean, they're awesome to work with. And they've scooped up like a lot yeah gaff again And yeah, and Teo Lane. Yeah, Roy Wood and Jessica Kiersten. Yeah Yeah

Yeah, oh Sebastian too. Wow But I will say it's a little confusing when you go on the website or on the platform You have to like look under movies. It's, they haven't figured that part out yet. Come on. Yeah, you have to like. Hulu, get it together. Yeah, get it together. And we gotta maybe not call it Hularious.

Come on, we can do better. Yeah, we can do better than Hularious. And they have like Huluween. That was the thing, they're like, I was like, I don't wanna get caught with Huluween and I don't wanna get caught with the election. Right, right. In a month, who killed Diddy in his jail cell?

Y'all, what's gonna happen with that? I think what I just said might happen. It's not looking good. This is pretty fucking good. This is delicious. It goes down too easy. This is what I needed, you know, I really appreciate it. Here, here.

There he is, sweet Jim. Yeah, but they got Bieber talking, they got JLo photos, they got Jay-Z photos, it's not looking great. I think Bieber was a total victim. I'm just gonna say, for real, I think he's a victim. That got our talent thing kicking until the 20s or 30s.

Yeah. Imagine being a talented kid. Well, they don't fuck with comics. No one diddles us. Yeah, because we talk. We talk, we do a whole bit about it. That is my thing. No one's diddled.

No one's tried to take advantage. I mean, yeah, I got roofy ones in college. I've never had an experience. And maybe because it's like I'm a tall, broad-shouldered woman, but people do not fuck with me. You know what I mean? And I almost kind of feel like a touch-lulft out. I would like a little touch-a, but nobody's ever really,

especially in the comedy space, everyone's super nice. I'm like, I'll take it. All right, great. Yeah, you've never been diddled backstage? I've had women grab my ass and shit on stage, but I don't give a shit, I'm a survivor. Yeah. I lost my virginity to a prostitute when I was 16.

Did you really? Yeah, she was like 50. So I guess technically I've been a statutory, but I was in hog heaven. All you thought was you got this on the house. Oh yeah, you wanna talk about this? I mean, I've talked about it many times, but I'm happy, I was the king of high school for a month.

Exactly, it's very different when a woman does it, because it's something that we jacked off to. Right. Yeah. I'm not saying it's not inappropriate, but it's like, we want it, it's hard to be like I was raped, but also I willed this to happen.

Right. It's like a Galifianakis joke. He was like, you hear about the 15 year old who fucked his teacher, he died of high five. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, fuck. And just the whole, how he got away with it for so long and to the extremes. But that's the thing. You know, you're a high power guy. You think, oh, I'm good. I'm getting away with this shit. And then I think he just got a dick like high on his own supply. You got to get to the extremes, but that's the thing. You know, you're a high-power guy, you think, oh, I'm good, I'm getting away with this shit,

and then I think he just got a dick like high on his own supply. You gotta get into the drugs, and then you start to get sloppy and messy, and that's how you fucking get caught. And like drugs, you gotta keep leveling up. You know, you need more perks and more value, more kids and more freaks.

Yeah, I never got into drugs a lot. Like I love gummies and shit, but coke was never my thing. Same. Just gave me, again, diarrhea and as a reflux. And I've already got a chronic sinus infection. Oh, what's this, his daughter? Yeah. Oh, that's awkward.

He posted it? See, he's trying to get some sympathy play. This is what they do. Yeah. Now you're using your own kid for a little pity? Come on. He posted it? See, he's trying to get some sympathy play. This is what they do. This is what they do. Now you're using your own kid for a little pity? Come on. I miss you so much, honey. P pity.

You shouldn't have raped. Yeah. So interesting enough, one of his kids went to my school. And I was in charge of like, anytime somebody like important would come to the school, I'd give them a tour. And so I would always walk P Diddy around campus. No way. Yeah, because I was student body president like a loser.

And I would, yeah, give him tours all the time. Or like if he was there for his graduation. I mean, he was always nice, but when I tell you, he probably had like $10 million worth of diamonds on. And was like really like bougie private school in Atlanta, like pump the brakes. I mean, and his son was always really lovely, but yeah, I mean, kind of crazy.

Did you get a vibe at all? No, I didn't get a vibe. Again, didn't try and take advantage of me in my school uniform. Yeah, no, and I did not get a vibe at the time. Yeah, that's the funny thing is like, someone could be a monster, but you have an interaction with them

and they were pleasant. I know. Yeah. You know, I'm sure Hitler, like you saw him at the bank, you're like, Hitler was nice. Yeah, he was great, he was great, he let me cut in line, he was fine. Yeah. You see Epstein at like a bar and you're like, hey, he bought me a drink. Yeah, yeah, great, he let me cut in line. He was fine, yeah. You see Epstein at like a bar and you're like,

hey, he bought me a drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he got me later. And then you feel guilty, you're like, he was nice to me. Yeah, I know, I know that person. And I consider myself a little bit of an empath, like I can read people really well, and so I get really, it hurts me when I meet somebody and I think that they're gonna be good energy

and then they end up being like a fucking dick. Oh, yeah. It kills me. It's a bummer, have you ever met like a hero or something? Yeah, sure did. Yeah. I don't want to say, I was with you. We go to a bar, she got a whole spread going

and we walked in. Oh, hell yeah. We were like, oh my God, they brought us food and Heather's like, no, I did this. Oh, nice. Here's the thing, and I think that people are so hesitant with like my kindness, I'm from the South. If you come to my house, there's gonna be a full spread.

If we're on the road together, I'm gonna make sure you're good. And that's not me kissing anyone's ass. That's just who I am as a Southern woman. I'm like, honey, you need an ass too? You need a charcutte? We're going, hey, his blood sugar's low. We gotta get a snack.

That's just who I am. If we're doing a gig, I'm gonna always have like, oh yeah, I ran another bar next door. Let's go have cocktails. I also like to party. Love it. Yeah, my mom is staying with me right now. I came downstairs and there's a full

bagel thing going on and you're like, oh, this is great. We're nurturers. It is what it is. It really comes from a genuine place. And sometimes people call me like a restaurant bully because I love for people to experience like the good shit. So we went to Fort Charles the other night. I'm like, don't even look at the menu. I'll order. You're going to love everything. And they're like, okay, just people know like put your hands up. I'll take the reins because I want you to enjoy the experience. Restaurant bully is a good euphemism for Karen.

Yeah, that really is. Like the African American to the N word, restaurant bully, don't say Karen. So you're a family style orderer. I do enjoy having a little bite of everything. Now you know what I don't fuck with? A fucking tapas place. I hate tapas.

Why would I want a small fucking plate? Sing it sister. I think it makes sense. Sing it. You don't fuck with? A fucking tapas place. I hate tapas. Why would I want a small fucking plate? Sing it sister. Make it make sense. Sing it. You don't hate it? Because you can just order more. Yeah, but you're racking up the bill. I know, but sometimes they're priced low

because you are meant to order more. I don't hate a tapas place because you could order a shitload. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like the little cups and this and that. It's three olives in a ramekin. I'm like, what are we doing here? No, I don't want like little cups and this and that. It's three olives in a ramekin. I'm like, what are we doing here?

No, I don't want like one weird like chicharron, or like a tiny little piece of prosciutto. I want the full spread. Yes, I'm with you. I want the tomahawk. I'm always ordering the tomahawk. Even if I take two bites, I want everyone to have a little taste of the tomahawk.

The tomahawk. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Go Braves. Go Braves. Hey Jerry. Hey Jerry. Ohalalalalala. Best episode. Oh yeah.

We'll just scalp these tickets. You can't just take something and then give it back? Yeah, right. Wait, you're a Mets fan, right? I'm a Yankees fan. You're a Yankees fan. I like the Mets more. Okay, we're a Yankees house.

I'm a Yankees fan, but I have to admit this Mets team is so cool. Like I have, and my niece and nephews are Mets fans, so I'm excited for them. And I just, I love, it's different for me. Like some people, Mayor Adams, it's so funny, he's getting shit for wearing a Mets Yankees hat. I saw that.

Really distracting from the bigger issue. But. I wear Hamas as well. But yeah, people were furious about this. But, and I would never, obviously I'm a Yankees fan, but like I do on some level feel like Yankees fans are kind of more okay with Mets fans than the other way around. Mets fans hate us. Really?

Yeah, but I grew up liking the Mets. It was a tough thing for me. Like my friend was a huge Mets fan growing up, so my dad would take us to games. And I was like, I fucking love Mike Piazza and Al Leiter, I love these guys. So, yeah. Yeah, well, Jeter's a biggie. What do they say?

Oh, okay. Isn't if you're from New York, right? Usually if you're from Queens and Brooklyn, you're a Mets fan, right? No, Brooklyn is- Or like if you're Jewish, you're usually a Mets fan. Yeah. Yeah? Brooklyn's a mix. Okay. I don't know about the Jewish thing? No, Brooklyn is. Or like if you're Jewish, you're usually a Mets fan. Yeah. Brooklyn's a mix.

Okay. I don't know about the Jewish thing. No, I'm not a Jew. I'm just going off Seinfeld. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Bronx is Yankees, Queens is Mets, Staten Island feels more Yankees. Long Island feels Yankee too.

But it's a mix, it's Long Island, Queens. That's the thing. It's kind of a mix. Oh, that's a good point. So yeah, it's a whole. Westchester's Yankee too. But it's a mix, it's Long Island Queens. That's the thing. Oh, that's a good point. So yeah, it's a whole. Westchester's Yankees. My grandfather, I'm a Yankees fan because my grandfather was a Yankees fan. And it was like, he'd have the hat on,

he would show me like old VHS tapes of them winning in like the 50s. Oh yeah. So I was like, this is incredible. Like it got me into baseball history and I love baseball history. Is that Mickey Mantle and all that? Oh, and DiMaggio before him and Yogi Berra,

like these iconic. You know where the word Yankee comes from? Where? Where? What? Two Dutch names, Jan and Kees. And they just combine, it's basically John and like Kees. Did you get that from Cody Tucker?

Maybe, maybe. Give that a go, I could be wrong. But yeah, I think we got it there. Me and Tina, our periods are synced up. There you go. Yeah, so it's, like I hate the Brooklyn Nets, but like, and I love the Knicks, but it's, I think also when the Yankees have won so much,

the Mets fans are like fucking just fuck you. But like, I love those 80s Mets, Gary Carter and Strawberry and Doc and all those guys. Strawberry. But like, I love those eighties, Matt's Gary Carter, and Strawberry, and Doc, and all those guys. Strawberry. Keith Hernandez, yeah. They were awesome. So when we talked about, you mentioned, I don't know if we were recording,

but you mentioned your weird way of coming up. What was your come up? So I started here in New York, and then I moved back to LA, but I was like a UCB kid. I mean, I've said this like a billion times, but so I always was doing sketch comedy. I started in standup, then I really wanted to do SNL.

So I was kind of doing like one woman show shit and a ton of improv, because I wanted to do sketch comedy. And then I went out to LA and kept doing that. And, but I really was like, I gotta go back to my love standup, because you know, it was just, it's how I started.

The first time I ever did standup, I was 16. And I was at my prom and I roasted the senior class. So I was a senior and I roasted the seniors. It's a good origin story. It's a great origin story. And actually, you know who gave me my first job? Jeff Foxworthy. What?

So I recorded that. The nice guy. The nicest guy. And I recorded that video and I went to his house. He lived a couple of neighborhoods away from me and I literally knocked on his door and I gave him a DVD of me doing standup at my prom. And he was like, you're insane.

I showed up in my school uniform. And he was like, all right, we want to come in. I sat in his living room and he was like, just so you know, this is what I'm gonna do for a living. I'm about to graduate in two years. I'd love if you could teach me the ropes. So when I graduated high school, he was shooting his show, The Blue Collar Comedy Tour,

which was a sketch show. It was stand up and sketch, it was on Comedy Central. They shot it at the Alliance Theater in Atlanta. So that was my first gig. So I worked for him as a writer's assistant for that whole season before I went to Ole Miss. And I- Have you told him the story?

Oh yeah, we actually, it's so cool. I get to see him all the time. And I just did his series XM show. And he was like, Heather, you know, he's so so sweet and he's been so kind to me in the business. He's like listen, I've had a lot of people who said like oh my nephew wants to get into comedy or my niece wants to get into comedy, give me some advice. You showed up in your school uniform with your fucking DVD and said I'm going to be a star, open the doors and he said I knew you were going to make it.

Wow. Yeah, so sweet. And I'm writing a TV show right now, hopefully it gets picked up. Hulu, pick up the fucking show and I want him to play A very important character in it and make it kind of come full circle. That's amazing. Yeah, I've done the show too He's so cool. He's so nice. He's so soft spoken and thoughtful and like he's really a man great act I mean like yeah, when I was a kid We had two comedy cassettes that we'd put in the car and one was Cosby's himself and one was how do you know?

You're a redneck or whatever and we wore that shit, and one was Cosby's himself, and one was, how do you know, you're a redneck, or whatever, and we wore that shit out. And one of them is an orapist. Yeah, Cosby. It was wild working for that show, though, because Larry the Cable Guy's fans were these unhinged, deranged, redneck women, and I would be running around,

I had my little lanyard on that obviously showed that I was in production, these women would drop off panties. And I'm 18 years old, I had my little lanyard on that obviously showed that I was in production. These women would drop off panties. And I'm like 18 years old and they're like, hey, get my dirty drawers, hilarious. And I was like, you're a sick fuck. I'm just dropping off the Chick-fil-A catering. Leave me the fuck alone.

And he was always like, god damn, these women are nuts. It was wild to bat off his fans. Well, that was a huge, people forget about that. That was like arenas. They were huge. The blue collar comedy tour a huge, people forget about that. That was like arenas. They were huge. The Blue Collar Comedy Tour was huge. Ron White, man. Ron White.

Dude, I had to drop off a script at Ron White's house one morning. It was a Sunday morning, like 8 a.m. He answers the door in his underwear and he's like, oh, God damn. He like kind of looked me up and down. He's like, well, fuck, you want to come in? I was like, I'm so sorry, Mr. White. He's like, you want a drink? I feel like you drove over to my house at 8 a.m.

on a Sunday because I had to deliver scripts. He's like, you want to come in? I mean, shit, I think my wife's making pancakes. He's like, you want a drink? I feel like you drove over to my house at 3 a.m. on a Sunday, because I had to deliver scripts. And he's like, you want a drink? He's like, you want to come in? I mean, shit, I think my wife's making pancakes. He's like, you want a mimosa? I was like, I actually have to go meet my parents at the country club for brunch, but thank you so much. Like a doll, and Bill Inble, all those guys.

They were so cool. For a second I thought he was trying to fuck you. I thought so too. Can I be honest with you? I probably thought he was too, but no, he was actually a doll. He was just like, he came all the way over here. You want to smoke a cigarette? He's very nice.

I gotta tell you, I'll do the mothership in Austin every now and then, and he's there every night and still killin', still charmin'. Yeah, he's the best. He's thin as a rail now, and he's plays golf all day, he's livin' the dream. Yeah. Yeah, he's a classic.

I mean, his stuff I would listen to with like my mom, and she'd be like, this guy's so good. He's smooth, he's still smooth. So smooth. One of the best, I mean, that whole album. Tater Salad. Oh my God, Cheatin' in Columbus, that track. I mean, so many tracks that are.

Oh yeah. Yeah, that was fun. Apparently, it might be a rumor, but he got the law changed where you can't smoke in theaters, but if it's performance, you can do it. So he got the cigar going. Good for him. Yeah.

These guys were the best, but Jeff was always just so kind to me. And then I went to college and I was doing it, but I was in Mississippi and I was doing improv and all that shit. And then I moved to New York after, but I was like, and we were in this really intense conservatory

theater program. And they were like, listen, I'm a classically trained actor, but I was like, I'm gonna go do comedy. And my professors fucking hated it. And they were like, no, you need, listen, I'm a classically trained actor. I was like, I'm gonna go do comedy. And my professors fucking hated it. And they were like, no, you need to like die on the fucking sword of art. And I was like, no, I already knew what I wanted to do.

And I just said, suck it. And I came to New York. Do you want, is there a party, like you said, you're working on a show. Is a party that like, you really do wanna make a show still, right? Well, here's the thing. I love being, I miss the character work.

I wanna put on a crunchy wig. I wanna smoke menthols, drive a Mazda Miata and tell somebody else's story. You know, even like doing press, it's just so, feel self-indulgent all the time. And obviously standup is my love. And you don't have to deal with the fucking bullshit of network execs and all this shit.

You know what I mean? It's like, if you put asses in seats, you can go do the fucking thing. You got that right. So that is like the drug. I will never stop doing that, but I would love to put on a wig and play somebody really fucking gnarly and do that You got that right. So that is like the drug. I will never stop doing that, but I would love to put on a wig and play somebody really fucking gnarly.

Yeah. And do that, live that life. So you said you're like characters, the big part of your stuff. Were you like a big Lily Tomlin person? Oh, huge Lily Tomlin person. I mean, one of my favorites of all time. And one of the reasons I really got into comedy

was like Joan Rivers was everything. Oh, I love Joan. She was the end all be all, where is she? My queen. Number one. So when I started doing standup in New York, this is back in 2009, I would go follow Joan around all of her clubs. Really?

Yeah, I loved her. You understand, I loved Joan. And I was doing a gig one night and I came outside, I was waiting for her by the door. And I said, Ms. Rivers, I don't wanna bother you, but I just want you to know you're the reason why I got into standup. And she's like, honey, you got a hood spot,

I'm not worried about you. It was actually that Tuesday and she had Mardi Gras beads and she put beads around my neck. to bother you, but I just want you to know like you're the reason why I got to stand up." And she's like, honey, you got a hood spot. I'm not worried about you. It was actually that Tuesday and she had Mardi Gras beads and she put beads around my neck and I was like, oh, this is perfect. And then I moved to LA and I saw her at a restaurant. This was like maybe a couple months before she died. And I was in LA and I went back up to her. I was like, Ms. Rivers, I'm so good to see you.

Just want you to know like I moved to LA because she was the one who told me, she goes, you need to go to LA. She's got to, she's like, you have a great commercial look. Go to fucking LA. Do TV shows, you got a good voice. So I went there and I was like, I made it to LA and she's like, you're gonna make it. I have a really good feeling about you. Wow.

Yeah, and she died like a couple months later. Man, you got range, Foxworthy and Rivers. I know, right? You're all over the comedy board. But it is true, I'd say like my style is probably like, if Conan O'Brien and like Joan Rivers had a baby, or maybe it's like, because I do talk about Southern shit, but I'm not like a super Southern comic.

Right, right. But that's probably more my sense of like performance. Cause you're not clean. Not at all. So that was a void I think. Cause you got your Lee Ann Morgans or whatever who are very religious clean and they're great, but we need a fun, loving Atlanta lady

who can put a few back and talk shit. Yeah, I like to put a few back and tell shit. Yeah, I'd like to put a few back and tell you how to give a four-minute blowjob. You know what I mean? Yeah! And it throws people off too, because people always try to pin Leanne and I together and we're friends, I adore her,

but I'm like, no, no, no, it's two separate, Very different. Very different styles of comedy. Yes, yes. But I think I tapped into a market because I was saying all the things that these Southern women felt, but maybe didn't have the balls to say.

They said it at their bunco group, but they didn't say it out and about. Well, the southern thing is real. Like I go back and you even Nashville, like my early years I would realize like, oh, you guys are kind of buttoned up. Like it's still Bible Belty there. And I always had to kind of readjust my act a little. People forget about it. It's still there. It's still ruminating that southern religious. Yeah, but they know it. Like, oh god, I'm just getting stroked out. But you play to a bunch of- Don't go bitch McConnell on us.

I know, honestly. Play to a bunch of southern women and you could really let it rip. The southern women are like, fuck yeah, go harder. Okay. It's the southern men that I actually think are a little like- Conservative. A little more conservative. Yeah, I agree. Maybe that's just my experience, but I think.

Well, it's funny, because we are conservative a little deep down, but we party like fucking animals. Yeah. So that's how we get it out. That's true. I can't really party on the road, though. Really? I don't party that much on the road.

I mean, I'll have like two glasses of wine after a show, but I can't drink before a show. I sweat too fucking much. I'm like, I need electrolytes. Like, I need to tap out and get a Gatorade. I just, I do a little too much. Yeah. I don't want it to affect the show. I sweat too fucking much. I'm like, I need electrolytes. Like I need to tap out and get a Gatorade. I just, I do a little too much. Yeah. I don't want it to affect the show.

I know what you mean. Like I'm the same, like I like have a little Manhattan on stage, drink after, but like, especially I'm doing all these dates coming up on the bus. I can't get to, I don't want to wake up. Like you don't want to just not sleep. That's it. That's the thing.

And that's what I have to do is I kind of have to drug myself to go to sleep. Because you get off stage, your cortisol's fucking high, your adrenaline's high. So I started taking trazadones and gummies like it was, you know. Oh, the best. Just the best.

But it's like if you don't sleep and then you have to get up and you're just constantly running on adrenaline, I was starting to go a little fucking crazy. Oh, totally. Do you have any trazadone? Yeah, I got tons of trazadones in my purse. Oh, can I buy some from you? Yeah, I got you.

I can't sleep either. Our first drug deal on the bucket. Yeah, yeah, I got you. Honey, I'm a of dress in my purse. Can I buy some from you? Yeah, I got you. I can't sleep either. Our first drug deal on the bucket. Yeah, yeah, I got you. Honey, I'm a woman from the South. If you don't think that Prada purse has loose pills and loose cigarettes and a couple gift cards to the Hillstone restaurant on Park Avenue, you must not know me. I love it. I mean, I'm not a weed guy, but the gummies have saved me with the sleeping.

Huge, huge help. You just need to make sure you're sleeping on the road. I know. You know, I'm doing like 10, 11, 12 days at a time on the bus and it's like, you just got to make sure you feel good. Because those first couple of days, my throat's a little scratchy.

Let's make sure I'm all right here. And then you're doing crowd work. You're slower if you're not sleeping. You got to get the. And I was an old egg already, so I had the immunity of a Petri dish. Like I'm always, every month and a half is a deep sinus infection. Yeah.

We're looking up. Oh, we got dates. Oh, yeah. I can't believe you went Nightline. This is so funny. I know. What are they going to ask me? I don't know.

They're going to ask you about being southern. I don't even know what Nightline is. You know Nightline. Nightline is the lighter version of to-date line. I did a show on ABC News and I thought, you ever just try to be fucking, Mark and I will just derail these morning shows. But you're so good at it.

Thanks. You really are. Y'all go on there and at 8 a.m. and you fuck with these people, it is nothing brings you more joy than watching those clips. It's fun. I did one on ABC News, and I didn't realize it was like a big show.

And my publicist is telling me, it's a seven minute pre-tape, and I go, well, if I fuck up the whole interview, they gotta air something. Right. So I'm like, I'll just ruin every line. Yeah. And everything she said to me,

I'm like, as I'm doing it, I'm like, I'm fucking, I'm batting everything away. At one point, she was like, so she kind of made, I'm like, I'm fucking, I'm batting everything away. At one point she was like, you know, kind of like, so she kind of made something kind of flirtatious about me and I was like, are you hitting on me? What the hell are you doing? And then she was like, and I go, I'm kidding, I'm hard. And then towards the end she was saying like,

you know, my husband, I was like, your husband, this is the first I'm hearing about your husband. Like, what the hell? And she's like, we're very happily married. I was like, it doesn't seem it. She was, so it was't seem it. Oh, that's great. So it was literally a seven minute interview. 30 seconds?

30 seconds. No. And they were like, she's furious. And I go, I actually felt bad. I was like, I'm just trying to be funny. I'm just trying to bat this away. But they're like, she's so angry about what you just did. I don't get how these people live like this.

These morning people, they have to be so fake and phony, and they can't have jokes. And the way they can pivot is so wild. It's like some death and destruction. And they're like, we got a chili cook-off at a local park. And you're like, a school bus full of children just died off a cliff. It cuts.

It's like, anyway, coming up next, we got to. Sheila's making pancakes. They're gluten-free. Yeah. But see, I know how to turn it on. Like, I love my girls at the Today Show. That's like my secret fantasies, to be gluten free. Yeah, but see I know how to turn it on. Like I love my girls at the Today Show. I, that's like my secret fantasy is to be like, you know, a co-host.

Like I just, I eat that shit up. Yeah. I love it. So I'm always going in there and like auditioning, you know. The structure too is kind of, for someone who's hitting the road as hard as we all do, like sometimes you see that structure of a daily life and you're like, this would be nice. I don't think I could ever do it personally,

but there is like, you know. It's kind of show business. Yeah. It's a few hours a day. That's honestly why I wanna sit and make a TV show for a minute, cause I wanna go to my trailer. I wanna be in the same place for a minute.

Yeah. The road almost killed me. Rechart. I need to rechart. That's what a lot of the legends will say, is like, all the old guys tell it, don't you? I know, I know. All the old guys are like, you're burning yourself out.

This is a fucking marathon. Yeah. And you know. I know I said I wasn't gonna add dates and now they're like, you know, the special drops. And my agent called, he's like, okay, we need new photography, new posters, cause you're gonna do X amount of dates in the spring.

Da da da da da. And I'm like, I just thought I was going to take some time off. Yeah. No, you don't. No, there's never. And also, all those guys who tell you this, who are like, you take time, like you got to recharge. Yeah. You know, you take time off the road, you shoot a movie.

I'm like, I think you came up in a different time where you just got to shoot a movie. Oh, yeah. This is a different era. You know, like Mark and I have been trying to make a movie for a while now. But like, you know, I have no faith in the system now Oh, no, it takes I mean we're gunning to try to shoot it this summer, but like who knows we'll fucking see Yeah, we'll try but we got a good group around us Yeah, you just don't know how long shit could take yeah, I'm trying to finance anything

And that's why I just like I did my specials like I'm not waiting around I am doing it while I'm on the road I'm already thinking like where we do the next one like let's specials. I was like, I'm not waiting around. I am fucking doing it while I'm on the road I'm already thinking like where we doing the next one like let's just keep the fucking ball rolling. I'm not waiting That's the other thing you got to strike while they are inside. Yes, I have to recharge. Yeah, you know, it's tough Yeah, so that's why I will give you a bunch of trazadones Yeah, it's on Hulu just came out but you definitely have search. And yeah, I'm about to announce tour dates next week, so bring your girlfriends, your wives, your, you know. Hell yeah.

All the gays, and you'll have a good time. And I'm doing a cruise too, don't even ask me about that. Which, oh shit. I'm doing a Norwegian cruise, I'm doing a big cruise in April. Wow. Really? Like your own cruise? I'm doing my own cruise.

Whoa. Are you gonna hit like all those Scandinavian countries? No, no, no, we're doing, it's actually just in the Bahamas Oh, yeah, Steph Tullis coming Adam Ray. Oh, it's gonna be a fun time. Yeah, get the rum ready Yeah, truly. That's where we're gonna launch the run. Yes, Tina write it down. We got a call We got to start producing rum like tomorrow. Oh, yeah, let's get ready to rum. Yeah All right, what is this me or who's this?

Bull? Ah. All right, is this me or who's this? All right, what do you got there, Fede? I'm at Hilarity's the 21st through 23rd of November and then we got a big tour coming up. We're starting, you know, Charlotte, February 4th, Richmond, Philly, Washington, D.C., Bethlehem, Tulsa, Austin, Dallas, Houston,

NOLA, Memphis, Knoxville, Nashville, Birmingham, Atlanta. Yowza. Talk about the South. Hey, yeah, Durham, New Haven, get that pizza, Providence, Nashville, Birmingham, Atlanta. Yowza. Talking about the South. Durham, New Haven, get that pizza, Providence, Portsmouth, Portland, Burlington, I'm going on too long here, Montreal, Toronto, Buffalo, Albany, you get the gist, Columbus.

Basically I'm coming to your fucking city. You're literally going everywhere. Going to San Marelo. Project 2025? Yeah, it keeps going. We're already in the end of this year here. It keeps going, west coast as well, we got Phoenix, San Diego, San Diego.

All right, we're in May. All right, sorry, sanmarel.com slash shows. We got Phoenix, San Diego, Sacramento. Alright, we're in Maine. Alright, sorry. Sanmurrell.com. Love you guys. It just launched. Give me a break. Oh yeah. I loved the promo video. Hey, shout out Foley. Foley. James Webb. He's great. Love you guys. Sorry, I went on there a little too long. I'm pumped. I want to sell some of these.

Yeah, sell it out. Go buy tickets quick. Kalamazoo, Chicago Theater, we're sold out. Hey, that's exciting. Hell yeah, congrats. Thank you, Warner Theater, we just announced the Ryman. North Charleston, Asheville, is that still happening? Big hurricane there, Nola, East Providence, and doing a bunch of there. Wilkes-Barre, Inglewood, Houston, Dallas, Phoenix.

And come on out, say hello. Look how handsome. You guys are handsome. Very hungover there. Yeah. We're getting some bodega cat, and yeah, we're cooking. We're at Peter Lugar's with Strip House. Peter fucking Lugar, Strip House, comedy cell with a stand,

New York Comedy Club. We're cooking. Where else are we? Everywhere. Peter Cougar. Yeah. And hopefully Johnny's hideaway in the Claremont last year. Oh, let's get into Johnny's hideaway.

I got the next. Yes, that would be great. We just fucking launched Georgia, I think. Oh, is that right? This could be big. Okay. We love you guys. Hell yeah.

And listen, watch Heather's stuff and see you on the road and we will see you next week. Get her a drink of Rum Guzzler. Yeah. Thanks, guys. Thank you, Heather. Get her a drink of Rum Guzzler. Yeah, he'll be absolutely going to drink it. Thanks guys. Thank you Heather. And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's comin' And naked Samuel is feelin' dangerous

I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be true