We Might Be Drunk - Ep 208: Bloody Marys & IVs

Starting point is 00:00:00 What was your name? My name is Leslie. Hey Leslie! Leslie, does she need to be mic'd for this or no? No, we don't want it. We've had enough women on lately. But hey Leslie, good to have you. Sam's getting a little heroin.

Starting point is 00:00:22 Yeah. Finally. Good ol' age needle. Let getting a little heroin. Yeah. Finally. Good old age needle. Want to do this? Ha ha ha ha ha. You left. All right. Well, yeah, I'm hungover.

Starting point is 00:00:31 I don't know about you, but I did puke last night. Whoa! Yes, I would love Zofran. That's for, that's- It's complimentary. Whoa! Oh my god. I'll take some Zofran.

Starting point is 00:00:43 Anti-nausea, right? Anti-nausea. All right, I know my drugs, I'll tell some Zofran. Anti-nausea, right? Anti-nausea. All right. I know my drugs, I'll tell you. Tell us what you did last night. We did the Bodega Cat party. You can probably find some pictures. On our Instagram.

Starting point is 00:00:54 Yeah. Yeah, we got a big photo booth. Yeah, man, that was wild. And then we, you did a spot, which I can't believe you did. I just kept going. I had people over, we watched the Knicks lose. Ah, to the Hawks of all teams. I know, not great.

Starting point is 00:01:09 Oh, look at that picture. Good crew. Great crew, Gaff again. Ruby, Rachel, Phil Hanley. Wow. How you doing? I feel good. Man, you took that needle well.

Starting point is 00:01:20 I do. Barely reacted. Hey, look at that. Great picks. Our post is bombing, by the way. Hey, look at that. Great picks. Our post is bombing, by the way. That's all right. Yeah, you gotta get it out there. They don't all hit.

Starting point is 00:01:30 They don't all hit, but yeah, you can't pass them a gaffigan. And you gotta throw these up, they're great. Oh yeah, and Salacu's no-showed, nice. Pretty hurtful that he shows your family over a drinking party. Yeah, family, he was doing headshots for open micers. You didn't know he did headshots for Veeder? Nah.

Starting point is 00:01:49 Talking Gary. Leslie, put it in me. Oh. Oh. All right. Put it in me, I'm coming, I like the product. That wasn't on mic. See, it's a lot more fun than Call Her Daddy, huh?

Starting point is 00:02:04 Yeah, if Kamala came on here, she might have had a chance. I would love that. She can put him back, I think. I bet she could. Oh yeah, with that cackle. Oh, there's the two ladies. Ah, these poor gal. What is this, the WNBA? It's just a bunch of losses. Trump's beat more women than Chris Brown. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Jesus Christ. That's true. Yeah, it was one of those, like, I was in bed and I was like, I know I have to puke.

Starting point is 00:02:32 Yeah. I did the fucking fingers. Oh! I had to, I wasn't gonna fall asleep without it. You're a trooper. Gross. Oh! You need care, Mike, she's good.

Starting point is 00:02:41 Yeah. There you go, Liz, if you wanna talk. I'll wait. Okay. I'll wait for my moments. She's on the clock. Can you roll that up? This is a great opportunity to pull the Dumb and Dumber, just pretend you, the blood everywhere, the ketchup. Should I do that?

Starting point is 00:02:56 I've seen this in movies. Yep, that's working. All right. I barely need a tourniquet here, it's a nice puffy vein. Yeah. Look at that Adam's apple he has, isn't that crazy? Don't inject that.

Starting point is 00:03:09 You should see my dung, oop, all right. Oh, I'm nervous. No, I hate needles and lines. Are you not good with needles? I hate them. We've done these together before, though. I know, I faked it. No.

Starting point is 00:03:19 Oh God, I'm nervous. No, I can't. Just look away, just look away, it'll never, no, it happened. That's a big one too. Where'd you get that thing? It's a big one. Stop looking.

Starting point is 00:03:34 I don't know why it has to be a black needle. You're the worst patient. Yeah, you were a tiny baby, Mark. What the fuck? Mark, Mark, Mark, look at me. Dude, sopranos, you love the soprano. I'm just trying to distract them All right, I just do it. Let's pull up that scene where hashes doing the card game story Well, it's a comedy show

Starting point is 00:04:02 Well, it's a comedy show. Oh, look at the blood! This is like Deliverance, what the hell? Don't look at the blood. Alright, I'm getting a little light headed. I'm just kidding. I've done this a thousand times. Yeah, no Mark said... Are you actually light headed? No, no. Lighten the loafers.

Starting point is 00:04:18 That's what they used to call gay dude. Do you need Zofran too because you're also feeling so... No, no Zofran for me. I'm a gentile. It's on the house. I love this. Look at this. Branden, everybody's in. H to the side. Your action is to kill. 200. They're sitting at the bar. Send them over a bottle of Dom. Next thing you know, we're in the hotel room.

Starting point is 00:04:38 Me, Frankie, and the two broads. Can I see ya? Patient three. This one, this little pothead from Texas, she fucked me dry, but she still wanted more. She's fucking nuts. So I'm wearing these pointy featherwears and I stick the toe in and I'm fucking her with it. I guess we should all be grateful for the question.

Starting point is 00:04:57 You can pull it, you can pull it, Sal. I love an 80-year-old guy just telling fuck stories. He's fucking her with a loafer. Robert Lozier. Yeah. That guy rules. I love an 80 year old guy just telling fuck stories He's fucking with a loafer Robert loja. Yeah, that guy rules great boy. He's in strip tease I believe is he the one with Elizabeth Berkeley showgirls showgirls. That's what I meant. It's also in Scarface that's right Damn he rules. Oh, yeah, and also when he beat he's like 80 in this but when he's beating the shit out of people It's kind of believable very believable not like De Niro and the Irishman where you're like that's not Damn, he rules. Oh yeah. And also when he beat, he's like 80 in this but when he's beating the shit out of people, it's kind of believable.

Starting point is 00:05:26 Very believable. It's not like De Niro and the Irishman where you're like, that's not, that's not happening. Yeah, that was bad. That was worse than the Jussie Smollett. Oh my god. Less realistic. It was more realistic. Yeah, I guess that's true.

Starting point is 00:05:39 Where did you end up, what were some highlights of the party for you? Party was great, the whole RNDC or whatever the liquor company is called. The Republican National Convention, it was nice for them to show up. They came out, well they needed a win. Or celebrate. I feel good, yes. It's coming in. It's cold.

Starting point is 00:05:58 Yeah. Very nice. Yeah, should we drink while IVing or is that crazy? I think we should but we were waiting for our bartender name No, he's making he's making Bloody Marys if I'm not whoa. I like that. Is that allowed Les? All right, that's a yes Yeah, great some real highlights the the reps had a great time. We had Sam Jay we had Rachel Rachel Feinstein, we had Jim Gaffigan, we had. So many comics.

Starting point is 00:06:28 Hanley, Bill Hanley showed up. Marlon Kraft. Ooh. The rapper. The rapper, yeah. All our boys, all our friends showed up. Oh yeah, Anthony DeVito, Matt Ruby, Jordan Fisher, Anthony Moore, yeah it was a good time. Check the photos.

Starting point is 00:06:43 Good times. Good times, we got pretty banged up. It was free drinks, they pre-made paper planes, they pre-made boulevardier so they could just pour them out of a pitcher right on ice. They do it. That's the way to go. I do that for Thanksgiving, I bring a thing

Starting point is 00:06:55 of paper planes to my family. Really? Yeah, yeah, it's a hit. People love, because they're like, people don't know it and they have it and they're like holy shit. Yeah, it tastes like a Kool-Aid flavor, you know? It's so good.

Starting point is 00:07:06 I know. Too good. Too good, I got fucked up. Oh, I owe you fucking 600 bucks or whatever. Something, yeah, we ordered 30 pies from Joe's. Yeah, and they went. They went, we had to. You gotta have food at a party.

Starting point is 00:07:18 30 pies? 30, they called me to make, I got, they canceled me twice for Amex fraud. Because they were like, there's no way you want 30 pies. I mean, that's a prank, you know, send 30 pies to the comedy seller. What do you tip the guy on 30 pies? That's a good question. It was a big tip.

Starting point is 00:07:31 Cause it was like, whatever, it was a percentage. Oh, no. You have to, you have to, you're carrying a lot. Okay. You got to tell him why. It was two guys. But it's like a block away. I know, but you can send to Vito.

Starting point is 00:07:41 Bad Juju did not tip. He's. Bad Jew. But, uh, to not tip. Easy. Bad ju. I'll tell you. But, got to tip. So yeah, give me that bill and I'll give you half of it. Do we, I had a crazy day. So first off, I do comics come home.

Starting point is 00:07:57 Oh, I want to hear about that. Back line up, it's Bill Burr, Bobby Kelly, Lenny Clark, L'Oreal, Ronnie Chang. Wow. Great crew. So many good comics. Wow. Alec Flynn, funny young guy. Oh yeah. Lot of funny comics.

Starting point is 00:08:12 Everyone kills. Zarna, crushed. She kills. Crushed. It was a hot night. Everyone killed. Dennis Leary was really cool. Is this at Madison Square Garden? Where is it?

Starting point is 00:08:22 It was at the Boston Garden. So they're giving us all this, literally I have like a box of Bruins schwag. It's all Boston shit and we have our own custom Bruins jersey with all of our last names on it. That's great. What am I gonna do with a Bruins jersey? So I'm holding it behind my back for the shoot.

Starting point is 00:08:37 I don't wanna promote a Boston sports team and the sports and the reporters know, so they're like, Sam, hold it up. New York piece of trash, they're all heckling me. But. Oh man, I'll wear any jersey. You put my name on anything, I'll wear it. Hamas, whatever.

Starting point is 00:08:51 Number nine. Yeah. 72 for the virgins. And then, so dude, we're going up there. I'm up there in Amtrak day of, and you know, you leave that couple hour window to go to the hotel and shower. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:04 The train in front of me hits a person. What? A woman's on the tracks and I'm like, oh shit. It's so funny by the way that everyone is like, they're like, we've hit a woman and everyone's like, fuck my plans. Yeah. Oh no. It's like no one's considered, just like I had a thing.

Starting point is 00:09:18 So true. So we're kind of all like figuring out, I get off the train because the train in front of me hit it. So they're in the middle. Mm-hmm So I'm wondering I'm like, I wonder if Ronnie's on that train So I text Ronnie and he goes I'm on the train that hit the woman. Whoa Asian driver So I get off the train and

Starting point is 00:09:38 I'm calling an uber but I'm in like the middle of Rhode Island. It's not it's not Providence So like right Ubers, it's like a two-hour u Uber and they're all like, you know, we'll reimburse you. But the Ubers are like 30 minutes away. So the Amtrak guy sees me kind of pacing and he recognized me, he goes, I hope you make your show tonight. Hey! And I said, oh yeah, yeah, me too, thank you so much.

Starting point is 00:09:56 I was like, you want tickets to the show? And he goes, oh, that would be amazing, thank you so much. So then since I said that, he feels like he's very nice. He feels the need to update me like every two minutes. So he'd like walk back and be like, it was a woman. No! Ah! But then he'd walk back over to me

Starting point is 00:10:11 a couple minutes later and he goes, oh man, she was sitting Indian style. And you know, the train's going so quickly. Suicide, Marc. Yeah, suicide. Oh! So the train's going so quickly that the engineer has to just watch it all happen.

Starting point is 00:10:22 Oh, shit. Can't stop the train. And I was like, God, that's horrible. And he's like, horrible. And then he'd be like, you know, one minute you're here, the next poof. And I was like, oh my God. And then he was like,

Starting point is 00:10:31 so the tickets are at the box office. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! And then he emailed me after the show, cause I emailed him to say, hey, just to make sure you got in.

Starting point is 00:10:40 And he wrote me back after the show, these seats were incredible. The lineup was stacked. That woman getting hits, the best thing that ever happened Man that's crazy He ended up being a great guy, and I was like we and we chatted for a while on the train, too He was like really he's really cool and and oh by the way He's I told him Ronnie Chang's on the train in front and he goes I love Ronnie Chang

Starting point is 00:11:01 So we made sure Ronnie got they had to deboard that train and get everyone off mid-track. Uh-huh. Oh, whoa. So they were, cause they were in the middle, cause they have to like dispose of the whole body. Oh my God. So they were like, that's a fucking bad job by the way. But you know, they put like a whatever like floor thing down.

Starting point is 00:11:19 I don't know why I'm- A tarp? Not a tarp, but the thing to like get people from one train to another train. Oh, oh, a little bridge there. A bridge there, and Ronnie sat next to me, we were just cracking up. So I showered in the Celtics visiting locker room.

Starting point is 00:11:31 Wow. And let me tell you, that stream, that water stream is shit. Really? Because they were doing it to fuck with the opponents, I think. I've heard this. Oh. So I'm trying to shower in there,

Starting point is 00:11:40 and I'm like, the water's coming out like this shit, right here. Wow. That makes sense. So I was like, man, the fucking Celtics got me. Ah, well, there are the waters coming out like this shit right here. Wow, that makes sense. So I was like, man, I shout the fucking Celtics got me. Ah, well, there are New Yorkers in there. They can't treat your will. But overall, show was amazing, great night.

Starting point is 00:11:54 Ronnie and I check into the hotel end of the night and it was like an updated version of what the W Hotel is, where it's like too cool. Ah, yeah. The blaring music, there's a DJ, and we're just like, it's at the desk, so we're just like so tired, you know? And we just looked at each other, we started cracking up,

Starting point is 00:12:12 we're like fucking long day, but we like just hugged each other like good fucking day. Oh wow, that's great. He's like, so you're so fortunate when it's like your buddy that you get stuff. Yes, wow. He's coming on soon too, he's coming on, he's got the new special coming out, so he's gonna come on.

Starting point is 00:12:29 Oh great. He'll be drunk. Yes, I can't believe the lady was Indian style. I know. That's so, I mean, that's what Zarna calls her act. But, all right, I should have set that joke up. Look up Zarna though, she's hilarious, she's gonna be famous.

Starting point is 00:12:43 I feel like she already is. Yeah, she owns for Tina Fey and Amy Poehler on the road. She's like a sitcom waiting to happen. Yeah. There she is, Garg. Nice lady too. She is nice. Sweet woman.

Starting point is 00:12:57 Wow, that is a crazy story. Damn, and you might get it in with Amtrak now. Maybe they can hook you up with some rides. Yeah, I wanna ride them way more after that. A fucking insane, insane day. Yeah. You're just laughing and you're also like, fuck, we made it. As long as you make it.

Starting point is 00:13:15 You made it. She didn't, but we did. Well, she didn't want to apparently. Yeah, she didn't want to. I guess her life wasn't on track. Alright, good night everybody. The suicide stuff, usually I was asking the guy on the train, I was like, how often does this happen?

Starting point is 00:13:29 He goes, it's usually around the holidays. Oh. Dark. Yeah, very dark. Yeah, Thanksgiving. I know. Everybody likes Thanksgiving. Well, not if you have no one.

Starting point is 00:13:39 I think it brings up bad shit, you know? Good point, good point. You know what, did I ever tell you the story when I was a kid and I was getting on the bus and I'm on Madison Avenue trying to get on the bus and a woman just jumps out the window and splat landed right in front of me? I never told you this? No.

Starting point is 00:13:55 Oh my God. Out of an apartment window? Yeah. Woo! I was like 12 years old and she just went splat 10 feet in front of me. If you know my name. What does that look like? Bad. 10 feet in front of me. If you know my name.

Starting point is 00:14:07 What does that look like? Bad. I mean, do you see like, they actually splat? Yeah. Oh! Yeah, yeah, and she didn't die instantly either. Oh! Well, the crazy thing is the part of your brain is like, you're so like, at first you're like,

Starting point is 00:14:19 oh my God, that poor person, like, oh my God, like that's tragic, that's terrible. But then you, I got on the bus and I was like, that bitch almost killed me. You know? Go sit in front of a train. Yeah. Wow, that's, geez.

Starting point is 00:14:34 Well, you do admire people. I mean, look, if you do it at home, you aren't, but it's, you're still kinda, it's still, the tough thing is someone's still discovering the body. Yes. And traumatized, like I had like a surrogate uncle who, like growing up we were really close and he is my mom's friend and he did it by hanging and his assistant had to find him.

Starting point is 00:14:55 Assistant. So it's like no matter what, I mean this is a dark episode, I'm sorry. Oh yeah. If you're struggling, call the suicide hotline. I feel like we have to say something. Something, yeah, yeah. Because we're making a lot of jokes. Put the number down there, Peters.

Starting point is 00:15:06 Damn, that's heavy. Truly, yeah, get, call someone, call your friends. It's bad. When the lady jumped out, did the bus driver go, only in New York? I'm walking here. Damn, that's heavy. Boy, you've seen some stuff.

Starting point is 00:15:21 You've lived. It was weird. Oh my God, can I tell you one more crazy story? No, is it death? No. All right, great. This happened this week too. I was playing ball at the park yesterday at Tompkins Square Park and a dude is on drugs

Starting point is 00:15:36 and he has a fucking ax. Whoa! I'm looking around like, I'm like, this dude's tweaking. He's walking around with an ax. He got into like the shed. There's a shed there for the, I don't know, for the gardening. The gardening, yeah, whoa.

Starting point is 00:15:48 They have an axe there that is just open and he's on meth or something bad. And yeah, he pull up the, here's Johnny. Ah. But he's walking around. And I look at one of the guys on the pull-up bars. I was like, should I call the cops? And he was like, call the cops right now.

Starting point is 00:16:03 Whoa. So I call the cops. They're was like, call the cops, right? Whoa. So I call the cops. They're very helpful, as you would expect. I go, hey, it's like Joe Lisbett, you know, he has a bit about when you call 911. And the woman on the phone is like, sir, calm down. Sir, shut the fuck up. That's like his bit, I love that.

Starting point is 00:16:22 But this guy's got an ax in the park. And I call him, she goes, so what's happening? I'm like, there's a's got an ax in the park. And I call her and she goes, so what's happening? I'm like, there's a guy with an ax walking around. I think he's on something. And she goes, well, is he dangerous? I'm like, I don't know. He's got an ax, I don't think it's good. But every question she asks is just annoying.

Starting point is 00:16:38 She goes, is he okay? And I was like, is he okay? Yeah, he's living his best life. He's got a fucking ax. I'm like, something's wrong with him. He's on drugs. And she goes, well, there's no reason to be sarcastic. So I'm like arguing with her on the phone.

Starting point is 00:16:50 Whoa. I was like, are you sending a car or not? Like, there's only one exit to the park because the other one's under construction. He's blocking it with an ax. Oh. I'm like, just, you know, maybe send. So gets kind of heated with us.

Starting point is 00:17:01 She goes, it's not my job. The cops will get there when they get there. And I'm just like, wow, this person sucks. I was like, I'm pretty sure it is your job. 911 is cops. Yeah. But the cops do show up. The guy walks out, like three cars pull up quickly

Starting point is 00:17:15 and they walk in, right as the guy walks out, he leaves the ax and I go, that's the guy. He's getting away. And they go, we gotta make sure this area is clear first. I'm like, he's down the block. He's getting away. They let him get away. Oh I told him about the shed. I'm like, well that shed is where we got the axe You guys should like lock it up. Yeah for the you know, groundskeeper whatever whoever runs this and then he they go okay, and and don't the country while they're like, well take a picture if he

Starting point is 00:17:42 If he comes back and I'm like, all right take a picture. I was like fine. take a picture if he comes back. And I'm like, all right. Take a picture? So I was like, fine. So the cops leave, he comes back. I get like five good pictures of him. Jesus. And then they didn't give me a number. Oh.

Starting point is 00:17:54 So I just have it on my phone. So it's just gonna be like a fucking memory now. Yeah, put them up, put the pic up. We'll put it on the episode. Hold on, take a picture. He's right there. You take a fucking picture. I just picture you, are you guys selfieing? Do you have your arm around him? We got a photo, get the episode. Hold on, let me send it to you. Take a picture, he's right there. You take a fucking picture. I just picture you, are you guys selfying?

Starting point is 00:18:05 Do you have your arm around him? Hey, we got a photo, get the axe. I didn't even tell you, let me send it to you right now, hold on. I got it. Man. Where the fuck is it? This would be a good axe body spray commercial. There's a guy with axe.

Starting point is 00:18:18 Come on by. Here he is, not a great shot, but this is the best I got. Sal, can you get it? Yeah, no, I'm waiting on it. Damn, axe wielding. Yeah, I got it. It's really the only thing you wield. What else do you wield?

Starting point is 00:18:32 So. Just saying. So then, so then. Uh-oh. Oh, Jesus. God damn. My whole life just opened up. Salakis's grinder profile.

Starting point is 00:18:41 Jesus. Is him butt naked doing this? There he is. Oh Jesus Christ. So he comes back and some of the neighborhood guys come over to me and go, is that the guy? And I go, yeah, yeah, that's him. Two jacked pull up bar guys go over to him and go, why'd you get an axe? And he goes, oh, it was already out. And they just start beating the shit out. Shut up! Yeah. Whoa! The cops don't come through so vigilante justice does. The streets.

Starting point is 00:19:08 So this tough dude in a tank top pops him in the face and then this other guy kicks him and then he walked out angry and we followed him for a while. I was like, let me just get a couple more pictures and then I realized I didn't have anywhere to send him. Whoa! And he came over and like thanked me for calling but I was like, what a crazy bunch of stuff in one week. Wow, what were the pull-up guys, what'd they look like?

Starting point is 00:19:29 Shredded. Damn. Like dudes who just work out all day on the bars and stuff. Whoa, that, wow. Oh, that's the shed he got the axe from? Yeah. And he went back. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:19:39 To get another one. Yeah, and they got those snippers and stuff. They got stuff you could, you know. Oh yeah, shovels, pitchfork. They got weapons for sure man That's crazy. You ever tell you the story about uh My house would get broken into all the time and my dad worked late my mom be at home And I mean my brother were out at friends house or whatever. So my mom was home alone

Starting point is 00:19:57 So this guy would bang on the door at like at nine o'clock at night every night Just bang on the door and be like I'm gonna kill you who's in there, you know Like break the glass and stuff. So after that happened like a couple times, my dad's like, all right, fuck this, we're not leaving your mom at home anymore. We got three dudes here, we're gonna hide out, wait for the guy to come back.

Starting point is 00:20:16 When he comes back, we're gonna beat the shit out of him as a family and tie him up and call the police. Who says we never do things like that? Yeah, and this is like, my dad is a lawyer, guys, wearing a suit. So it was like a weird, oh, jeez, I've never heard my dad talk like this. But you're fucking with mom. We've got to do something.

Starting point is 00:20:33 So I'm like 11. Yeah. And I'm like. You got a gun? Yeah. I have a sword and a slingshot. And I'm like, oh, fuck, here we go. And somebody, bop, bop, bop, baa, ding, ding, ding, ding,

Starting point is 00:20:47 ringing the doorbell. My dad's like, we're all watching The Simpsons or something. He's like, this is it. Chk, chk. No guns, but we go out there. And I'm so scared, because you're picturing, like, what is this guy deranged?

Starting point is 00:20:59 A homeless guy, a scraggly dude with crazy hair and scars. I don't know. So my dad's like, you ready? We have like filtered glass that you can't see through. So my dad goes, you open the door, me and your brother are gonna jump on them and then you start jumping on them and then tie them up. And I was like, all right, here we go, but you gotta do it. And we open the door and my dad jumps out. It was a girl selling magazines. So my dad like tackled this, you know, 14 year old girl

Starting point is 00:21:26 and she's like, ah, and my brother's like, beat the fuck out of her, but it ended pretty quick, but crazy story. Your dad's like, now we have to subscribe to Wine Spectator. Sucks. Jesus Christ. We had to get oxygen after that. So yeah, we got Oprah's magazine and yeah, that was crazy.

Starting point is 00:21:43 The guy never came back, but crazy New Orleans tale. It is, look, it is tough because you live in cities with this, especially like any city now. There's enough deranged people on drugs that you kind of lose your empathy and it's awful because they need help. Yeah. You're looking at them and you're like,

Starting point is 00:21:58 just fucking stay in your area. I know, and what are these cops doing? You call the cop, you gotta get a photo of the guy, you have the guy, but they won't do anything? I felt like I'm doing your job for you. Exactly. It's crazy. Yeah, it's out of control. But he'll get out in a day. Citizens arrest. Yes. Is that real?

Starting point is 00:22:14 I don't think so. All right. I don't think you can do that. You can't do that, can you? I don't think you can hold somebody against their will. I'll look it up. Look it up. He's in my bathtub handcuffed. I'm like, citizen's arrest. You're blowing him. What is that?

Starting point is 00:22:30 Remember the Guardian Angels? Was that a thing? Yeah, those red berets. Yes. Who is it? Curtis Sliwa? Sliwa. That guy was awesome.

Starting point is 00:22:40 Maybe a little nutty, but at least he was directing it to good, I guess. Yeah. Okay, I don't know if it's legal or not, but a citizen's was directing it to good, I guess. Yeah. Okay. I don't know if it's legal or not, but a citizen's arrest is an arrest made by a private citizen, people who are not acting as sworn law enforcement, in common law, jurisdictions, the practice dates back to medieval England. Oh, geez.

Starting point is 00:22:57 So that's probably not in the books here. What about, you know what you never see only in movies is the, sir, get out of the car, I'm commandeering this vehicle. And it was some like a Lamborghini like what the fuck and they throw about Way, I'm pretty sure you'd like that's the bad guy in GTA Just commandeer video vehicles. Yeah, that was an every 80s cop movie common. We're just running over the fruit stand Yeah, every movie there was a guy with like up selling mangoes like That's true or the two guys carrying glass and the guy the car would go right through it And then chickens would go everywhere for some reason speaking of I watched happiness on you and Ron on his wreck

Starting point is 00:23:34 Oh, yeah, dude that movie's incredible classic happiness Philip Seymour Hoffman That's a tear if you watch it I could I feel guilty because I I said speak no evil wasn't a hard wreck because it's so dark yeah and then some guy tweeted at me like watched it it fucking was brutal Jesus Christ too dark and I said well the new ones kind of back the new ones kind of a palate cleanser it's not as dark and yeah I hated the new one even like fuck all right so this movie if you watch it it is insanely dark yes it's Yes, but it's heavy. There was some shit in there that I was like,

Starting point is 00:24:07 man, the 90s were a fucking great era for sure. I know, movies, TV, and music. Everything. Damn, we gotta get back to that. The dark fucking movie. But goddamn, was it impressive. Very well done, great acting, but yeah, ooh, it's heavy. Good luck.

Starting point is 00:24:23 How hot was Lara Flynn Boyle? Ooh, was she heavy. Good luck. How hot was Lara Flynn Boyle? Oh, was she hot? Jesus Christ. I think Jack Nicholson was inside of her for a minute. Oh yeah. And somebody else I think. Maybe Leo? No, she's too old for Leo.

Starting point is 00:24:36 What am I thinking? That's oh my God. Yeah. By like 50 years. Yeah, she was with somebody though, somebody else. But yeah, she was a real piece. Even in Men in Black 2, she was something. Oh my God, so hot.

Starting point is 00:24:47 Linda Fiorentino in the first one, they were just, it was like some hot 90s. And then Rosario Dawson. Oh, Duritz, that twink, he got everybody. Sideshow Bob over here. God damn. Willis, that was it. Yeah, but he doesn't remember it.

Starting point is 00:25:00 And he can't talk. Whoa, David Bain. Wow, that's one for the comics. Never heard of this guy. Dude, you ever see, hey, wow. I got a hard rock for you with Laura Flynn Boyle. Jackie. Red Rock West.

Starting point is 00:25:15 Mm, what's that? It's a noir with Nicolas Cage and Dennis Hopper. It's fucking awesome. It's one of those hard to find ones that I had to find it on some illegal stream. Oh, never heard of it. This movie rocks Really? Oh it kicks ass. Red Rock West. It's it's like a weird little western Noir where people keep fucking each other over. It's awesome. Oh, you know who's great in it? JT Walsh. Oh, yeah

Starting point is 00:25:37 Oh, yeah, he pops up in good stuff. Good character actor. Oh, yeah. If we're going western I am obsessed with this Netflix show, The Wyatt Earp Thing. Is it good? It's great. It's just so well done. And the shootout, The OK Corral, is such an amazing story with layers and so many different characters and it's all real. I mean, it's a hell of a picture.

Starting point is 00:25:57 It's like a docu-series, but they make it fun and watchable. I'm watching that for sure. I mean, the twists and turns. It's all real too and They show people in the in New York reading the paper like whoa cuz the Wild West was like crazy You know in New York's all factories and skyscrapers, and this was like Shootouts and Cowboys and shit yeah damn. It's really well. I don't think I would have fared too Well, then I'd be like there's a guy with an axe here Have to get the photo guy.

Starting point is 00:26:26 Those old school cameras. Dude I love, I was just fucking watching TV during the day and 310 of humor was on TV. Oh that's a great movie. I had never seen it dude. I love Elmore Leonard too but it's like the last 30 minutes and I was like I'm gonna just fight. I'm like the last 30 minutes are incredible. Incredible and it's such a simple plot but it's so's so good just get the guy back get the guy back

Starting point is 00:26:46 I loved it by 3 p.m.. Or whatever the same guy made 310 to Yuma made Cop Land Ah a bit of a re-angle yes, which is a bit of a remake of 310 to Yuma It's a really good. Yeah, Cop Land's great. Jenny Garofalo. Yes cupcake cupcake Weird name for cop land's underrated cop land is underrated Stallone is badass. Yeah, is it Jersey? Yeah Yeah, man, so I was talking to Dennis Leary. He's telling me he's like so when I film demolition man I was like, holy shit. This guy was in demolition. Yes, Dennis Leary was just in a ton of movies Oh the refs the rap suicide king. Yes. Yeah, but he goes Oh, the refs? The suicide king? Yes.

Starting point is 00:27:23 Yeah. But he goes, Snipes and Stallone had like, like weird ego shit. Oh, I could see that. And he goes, every time I'd walk over, they built a golf course for Stallone at every, at every setting. Whoa! Like a cage where we could just golf. Wow!

Starting point is 00:27:40 Yeah. That's in the 90s when they were just, they were like, this money's gonna, this movie's gonna make so much money. Yes. Stallone's in it. Yes, and this guy's so famous that we'll do whatever he wants. Damn, weird times, man. Weird times, but those days are over. I feel bad for these new celebrities.

Starting point is 00:27:55 They're like, please follow me on TikTok. Please subscribe to my Instagram or whatever, my newsletter. Do some dumb dance. Yeah, yeah, you gotta do the TikTok challenge or whatever, you drink bleach and sing out of a car window. Should we do our dates now or wait till the end of the show? Dude, I mean, our director, Jonah Feingold there. Yes, he showed up.

Starting point is 00:28:17 He showed up to a bodega cat party. Well, he's a handsome guy. A cute guy. Very cute. He's like a shallow moo. Timothy, there he is, look how cute good-looking guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's really gave us good notes already. I'm excited man They weren't I think we're gonna make a little I think he seems confident I said so you think we'll make this movie for sure he's like oh, we're making it. Oh hell

Starting point is 00:28:38 Yeah, I was like that confidence. I need to hear that. Yeah, he's good. He had great notes and he was he's so into the movie He's like we should make bread. I'm like, look at that bread. He knows all the characters Jonah posted that last night. That's nice. Congrats to the Muses Launch of unreal whiskey. Wow, that's very nice. Hey You're all right. Look at that. Is that one picture? He's got up that was in his stories. Oh, okay. Okay Where's this drink? I thought how does it take to make a drink? What is he doing? Maybe he's got up? That was in his stories. Oh, okay, okay. Where's this drink? I thought, how long does it take to make a drink? What is he doing?

Starting point is 00:29:08 Maybe he's waiting for us to get him? I'm a girl. I'll go look. Alright. You got something up your sleeve, Peters? Is this some kind of trick where a stripper's gonna come in and blow us? Is it really? Oh, okay. Alright.

Starting point is 00:29:20 You got an ice bath here. I didn't know what was going on. We've only had one stripper on this show and it was a man. That's true. That bachelor party was an epic episode. That was killer. I think it's the least funny we've ever been on an episode because we were just bombed instantly. Yes, well DeRosa's fucking shot caller over here. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:29:38 Shots, let's do another one. I'm like... You're 50. Yeah, you're 50. We've been in here four minutes. I'm already on my third shot Never drunk attention. Come on you fucking pussy. Yeah He's a while. He went to my real bachelor party and did blow and we're like we should fentanyl test this and he's like good idea Covered in blow. I'm like Jesus man. Damn. Yeah, you don't want to you don't want to die. Yeah. No, he was fine Burt was there. so we bought the good blow. Yeah, he put the money down.

Starting point is 00:30:09 Hell yeah. That's one of the perks of these alpha ego guys. You're like, oh, you'll pay for everything, great. That's true. Yeah, that and grilling. I'll grill, you're like, great, you grill. I don't wanna grill. The grill's an alpha thing.

Starting point is 00:30:21 Oh yeah. Tony Soprano grilled. Yes, which I'm happy to drink beer in the corner and watch you grill if you wanna grill. Yeah, what is that? But I think that's also like an anti-social move too. That could be something. I don't have to hang out with people.

Starting point is 00:30:35 That's true. My mom is an introvert and she's always like, can I help? Because she just wants to not talk to people so she's like lifting plates and shit. That is the can I help person doesn't wanna be a part of the party? Yeah, they want to they want to be a part, but they don't want to they don't want to socialize. That's it

Starting point is 00:30:49 I get it. I get it. It can be overwhelming. Thank God for booze who's held you an introvert mark. Yeah, definitely Definitely. Yeah, I think he is But not with like us Yes, like yes good. I like at party we'll just be like hanging the whole time. We're hanging out. I can see, I can tell when he's getting anxious. You too, I can see it on you as well. Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:11 Well we both are getting a little skittishy and we need to get away and you gotta like recharge. I go to the bathroom, I fake bathroom time. Fake pee. Fake pee is big. But yeah, even at your place when you're playing soccer with the kids, I'm like, all right, Mark doesn't wanna talk to people.

Starting point is 00:31:24 Yeah, it's too many spinning plates. It's like my dad's up my ass and the wife's pregnant. But yeah, even at your place when you're playing soccer with the kids, I'm like, all right, Mark doesn't want to talk to people. Yeah. It's too many spinning plates. It's like, my dad's up my ass, and the wife's pregnant, and you want to entertain your friends, but then you have family. She came out last night. That was awesome. Yes, she showed up. It was weird how much she drank, but you know.

Starting point is 00:31:36 I know, the funnel was crazy. That was nuts. That was awesome. She came out. She came out, yeah. She's huge and it's funny because every girl goes right up to her, they're like, you're huge, you got to do this, here's some baby advice or get rid of it or whatever it is.

Starting point is 00:31:55 That's one good thing about having a baby is it's like it's an icebreaker. Yeah. You know, there's always something to talk about. That's true. Yeah, because it is, I definitely'm like, fuck, this is work. Some of these parties are work. Oh yeah. When you, Mark and I were saying like,

Starting point is 00:32:10 we were the first two there obviously, and we're kind of like, is this gonna turn into us just like trapping ourselves in the corner? I know. Talking about, I think we worked the room pretty well. We did a great job. I think we did our thing.

Starting point is 00:32:21 And the pizzas were a hit, the drinks were a hit, and Liz was great because Liz kicked everybody out at 7 so you're not the bad guy. She's got this fucking bitch is crazy she's kicking everybody out she's a cunt and We get to look like a hero There was a couple stragglers who wouldn't leave by the way really? Oh, I'm not gonna name names, but the bar was like we're closed you gotta go and they were like What is that crowd molding? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:46 So, there's always that group. Yeah. Even at my baby shower, there was a couple of weirdos. You're like, Aunt Flo, you gotta get out of here. Oh my God. Hit the bricks, bitch. Aunt Flo's a big listener at this time. It's gonna hurt her. Oh no, we're down to the wire. She's on the subway, she a big listener in this pod. It's gonna hurt her. Oh no!

Starting point is 00:33:05 We're down to the wire! She's on the subway, she's just like, oh fuck. She's gonna stand in front of tracks, Indian style. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha banking them because we haven't done a solo in a while. What the hell was Herman doing in the other room? Oh, is that Herman? That makes sense. Yeah, but what is he doing? Making a drink. For like 30 minutes?

Starting point is 00:33:34 Yeah. Yeah, it's two Bloody Marys. Should I go check? Is something cooking? No. I'm telling you, maybe him and Leslie are eating each other out. He's been gone a while. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:33:44 Herman's got the mood. He's been gone a while. Yeah. Herman's got the mood. He injected her. All right, I got a couple here. How about this? Some of these aren't great. How about this one? You get into it with a guy, you're kind of arguing over like, no, I'm telling you, the

Starting point is 00:33:58 Bears won the Super Bowl in 85. And he's like, no, no, it was the Dolphins. And I'm like, I'll look it up. I think it was the Bears. And I go, it's the Bears. And he goes, I guess you're right. No, no, no, it was the dolphins. And I'm like, I'll look it up. I think it was the bears. And I go, it's the bears. And he goes, nah, I guess you're right. No, no, I am right. There's no guessing.

Starting point is 00:34:10 That's a peeve. What do you got, Les? No, he's trying to make you a cocktail of your lives out there. I don't know. Oh, all right. Three minutes. Is he done?

Starting point is 00:34:19 Just about. Okay. Pretty good. I feel like a millionaire. I'm on the million bucks. I think I'm better. Oh, yeah, you look better I'm all jazzed up. You want one? No. You're missing all quality. This is like healthy Right? I don't go for that Healthy drugs. I don't think the reason we're getting it is healthy, but that's true. That's true. It is it feels good

Starting point is 00:34:47 Oh, I feel great. I'm like recharged. I'm pumped up. Oh my god when we went Stavi And I did this at your wedding we were pretty hung up All right, I was hung over and he just wanted to get one with me. Yeah, so we're in my room and He couldn't find a fucking vein on Stavi. So it was in his hand. Oh Weird I've never heard of that. Was a bigger guy. Oh, is the hand normal? Can you do the neck if you wanted?

Starting point is 00:35:14 Did you do that? Whoa. What about like the toes? Like a heroin act. Yeah, that's one for the addicts. What about like in train spotting? Did he put in his penis in train spotting? He did. He did, there was a lot more for the addicts. What about like in Trainspotting? Did he put in his penis in Trainspotting? He did.

Starting point is 00:35:27 He did! There was a lot of veins in the don. Especially yours. Yes. Mine looks like a road map. Looks like Willem Dafoe's forehead. But you can do that in the penis? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:35:40 The vein's a vein. Yeah, but it's soft, I feel like. You have to stay hard, probably. Probably have to stay hard, probably. Probably have to stay hard. I tried to give blood with it once, they weren't having it. Alright, how about this one for a peeve? You're talking to the guy and he's telling a story and it's already kind of a boring story and he goes, Yeah, you know, it was December 3rd. Maybe it was the 4th.

Starting point is 00:35:59 No, no, it was the 3rd. Or was it the 5th? Nah, and you're like, none of this matters, you're just wasting my time with this. It was the second. Hold on, let me check. You're like the date doesn't matter, just tell the story. That's a peep. That is hilarious. No one gives a shit. The fact that it was on December 24th or 25th, it doesn't, I guess Christmas would make, there's a bad example on my end. I get it, but yeah, they're just wasting extra time

Starting point is 00:36:28 going over a thing that doesn't even matter in the first place. Yeah, and they're ready to tell a bad storyteller, like that's a trait of a bad storyteller. Yes. If you're already doing the drum roll for too long. Yes. You know the story, oh God.

Starting point is 00:36:39 And Mr. Beast always talk about retention because he's like a YouTube psycho, and I'm thinking like, you're losing retention. Like I'm slowly fading away Every every number you don't get that was an old bit of mine I was like you want that's been shared on the internet a million times since but like oh my god I wish you could tap someone's forehead and see how much longer. Oh, that's a great one. Yeah, that's great That's cool all done. Thank you. You took that like a champ

Starting point is 00:37:07 Sure, yeah, you took that like a champ. Oh. Wait, can you unhand your drink? Sure. You're on the wrong pod, sister. All right, last peeve. Let's do it. How about when someone comes up with an idea and then puts it on you? All right, here's an example. They go, hey, Salacuse's birthday's coming up. We should get him a gift.

Starting point is 00:37:23 And you're like, yeah, that's good. Where should we get him? I don't know. You just had an up. We should get him a gift. And you're like, yeah, that's good. What should we get him? Like, I don't know, you just had an idea, now I'm on the hook. You come up with something. It was your idea. I'm so uncreative with gifts, because I'm just like, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:37:33 Gifts are tough. Also, now that we're getting older, most of our friends, like, most of the shit they really want, they have. Yeah, that's true. It's getting harder, so it's like, you're like, all right, do I go silly gift? I'm so bad with this shit. I know, and then silly gift, we live in New harder, so it's like, you're like, all right, do I go silly gif? I'm so bad with this shit.

Starting point is 00:37:46 I know, and then silly gif, we live in New York, so I feel like a silly gif to just like, well, this is taking up space in my apartment. You know what never fails is an experience. Like, I'm taking it in a Nick game. Yeah. That's true. Never fails. Good point.

Starting point is 00:37:57 That's a good move. I know what I'm getting Joe List for his next birthday is a bunch of Bruin shit I gotta... Ah! Hope you like this morel but yeah I'm not great at it. I'm not either it's hard. But also you just have to think about like especially with like women I think like just think about what they like think about okay with like they have this they like this type of clothing. Yeah. Like this color you just you just do the math. Yes. And they come together and they're like,

Starting point is 00:38:25 oh they need this. Right. And even bigger, more broad as you can go, hey I got you a gift card to that clothing store. Yeah. Because I don't know what the fuck to buy you. Gift card's good. Give him an IV.

Starting point is 00:38:35 Yeah. Honestly a massage is always a good gift. Massage is big. Acupuncture's a good, I got my mom acupuncture and she loved it. Really? Yeah. Wow. Big. I don't know about the IV, she loved it. Really? Yeah. Wow.

Starting point is 00:38:45 Big. I don't know about the IV. My wife already calls me needle dick. All right. So. Shit, yeah. The gift is tough. Huh.

Starting point is 00:38:56 I think this is gonna sound slightly sexist, so buckle up. I was just over there. Oh, okay. You started the whole show. But Les, it's a fun show, right? You're having a good time. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:09 All right. Done. Go! Let's hear that sexist joke. Okay, well it's not even a joke, but I feel like women want things as a gift. They want a necklace, jewelry, clothes, money, whatever. I feel like as a guy, I want less things as a gift. Like, leave me alone, don't talk to me,

Starting point is 00:39:31 let me go over here for a while. I feel like I wanna take away. Oh, I pay. Wow. I'm telling you how I feel. There we go. Oh my God, this took a half an hour? It's like fucking 6 PM. Oh my god. This took a half an hour. It's like fucking by the way

Starting point is 00:39:46 Leslie just left We're enjoying you come on hang out you want a drink Yeah, I like that I love less I'm with you that minimalist type dude I I paid to get help to For a guy to help me move a couch out of my place yesterday. I'm like, I want less stuff in my place. That's good. He really, look at this. He did the rim and everything.

Starting point is 00:40:12 Oh yeah, very nice. By the way, we've never seen Leslie and Herman in the same room at the same time. Oh. That is crazy. This is true. Ooh, this is fucking incredible. All right. It's very nice actually.

Starting point is 00:40:27 I mean, I don't know if it was 30 minutes good. No. But it's pretty damn good. Yeah, did he crush the tomatoes? What the hell? There's a story behind it. I'll let him tell you. Oh, all right.

Starting point is 00:40:38 He's not much of an orator. I'll tell you that right now. Oh my God. Some of those company guys went a little long last night. Yeah, yeah. Brevity is everything in those things. We were, we did what, a minute? A minute.

Starting point is 00:40:47 We did, Marc and I did one minute, got a couple quick jokes off. Yeah. And that was that. Nice. We lucked out. But they were great. Those company, oh man, I love these pickles too, these things. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:00 Cheese? And then in between those olives? What is that? Some of these, some of these fucking Bloody Mary places go a little too far Yeah, like shrimp cocktail Aborted fetus Aborted fetus one and they're so expensive. I know they're not available in Texas. Oh Yeah, that is delightful

Starting point is 00:41:21 Texas. Oh yeah! That is delightful. That is good. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm. The Bloody Mary is one of the most special cocktails in my mind. I love it. This is the Guy Fieri Bloody Mary. It's got bacon.

Starting point is 00:41:35 Is that lobster tail? I think so. What the fuck? Wow. I'm just trying to kill a hangover. I'm not trying to spend $90. Yeah, right? I always say Guy Fieri is Anthony Bourdain if he wasn't molested. Oh man, that's good stuff.

Starting point is 00:41:57 Just once I want to see Guy Fieri give a guy a bad review. Yeah, right? He's so positive, I just want him to just once take a bite and be like, oh what the fuck is this shit? Yeah. It's fucking horrible you fucking idiot. I know and he goes all over the country So, you know, he's somebody's just like forcing down like oh, that's good chili. Oh my god I think the way he must is like the way we live or like some days we don't want to drink. Yeah Odd there's got to be some days. He's like, I don't want to have a fucking bacon cheeseburger. That's true

Starting point is 00:42:22 It's so much like delicious comfort food, but like there's a limit how much she can physically handle. Yes. Give me a salad and a rice cake. The New York Times reviewed the Guy Fieri restaurant in Times Square. Uh oh. You really do the accent on that name. He's a Paisan. And it was just like a four word review,

Starting point is 00:42:39 and it said, worse than VD. Damn. What restaurant is it, which one? He had one in Times Square called the Guy Fieri something or other. And it's gone. It must be. Unlike my VD.

Starting point is 00:42:50 He should have reviewed his own restaurant, then he would have gotten a good review. This is amazing. He walks in, this is fucking awesome. He is fucking, it's a feel good show though. He's a great guy, I met him once. He was cool as shit, he gave me a cigar, we drank his tequila, super cool guy.

Starting point is 00:43:08 And he laughed at your Holocaust joke. Yeah, he didn't like that one. Oh, he didn't like that. No, no, but he always does. I said it's probably for the best, you don't want Guy Fieri to love Holocaust jokes. That's true. He's too cheerful.

Starting point is 00:43:19 That's true, yeah. He's always positive, and you know who else is always positive? The relatives on Family Feud. Somebody give the worst answer of all time, they all go, good answer, good answer, good answer. He just said, you know, Jews control the media, and they're like, yeah, good answer. It was about dog poop, the question.

Starting point is 00:43:39 I don't know why you're doing this. Yeah. No, that show is so positive. Man, we gotta go on there somehow. We might be drunk crew. Oh yeah, us four. That'd be pretty fun. Get Leslie in there.

Starting point is 00:43:51 Leslie, you gotta come with. We gotta get Leslie a drink. Get her a drink. Yeah, I'm getting a drink right now. Oh, great. Leslie's hanging. I hope you can stay for 45 minutes. Yeah, exactly.

Starting point is 00:44:01 Good luck. Are you off the clock now? I mean. No mean she's gonna show up loaded to the next person She just sticks it in their fucking leg Penis IVs dude, those are the best. Whoo. No, thank you Sam you got any peaves? Let me see. I wrote some down. I think I might have one more even. I mean, yeah, I gotta get my peeves cooking. Oh yeah. While he's digging around, what are you guys doing for Thanksgiving?

Starting point is 00:44:30 Just family stuff. Going to New Orleans, got a bunch of shows lined up, doing the Orpheum. Your wife is going to New Orleans? Yeah, we're all going. She's gotta be seven months pregnant. Yeah. I don't think she's supposed to fly after. We went to the doctor yesterday as a family and they said you're not supposed to fly only because

Starting point is 00:44:50 they worry that you'll be in midair or whatever with a problem. And I was like, it's a two and a half hour flight. I'm from New Orleans. I know the doctor there. We'll be good. Oh, I got to pee for you. Please. They wake us up.

Starting point is 00:45:04 We're at Comic-Con home. I get the phone call from the front desk at 8.45am. Hey, we're bringing a gift bag up. I was like, dude, you woke me up. I had a late night. I had to do the thing. And he goes, oh, okay. And I'm like, no, I mean, it's not cool to call this early.

Starting point is 00:45:18 And he goes, all right, all right. And then I text Ronnie. Do they wake you up? And he goes, they fucking woke me up. Oh, that was a peeve. That's a good one. But then I'm like, you know what? Maybe it'll be you know, you can't wait to see these this gift bag I open it's all Bruins shit Or Bruins Bruins

Starting point is 00:45:34 Jesus. Yeah, that was very generous. I'll give it to my dad's a Boston Morale. I can give him the jersey Oh, there you go. Where's a lot of Boston jerseys? I can give him the jersey. Oh, there you go. He wears a lot of Boston jerseys. A late 70s year old man wears a lot of sports jerseys out. That's his outfit. Yeah, no, I'm with you on the wake up. Just leave it outside the hotel or put it in the lobby.

Starting point is 00:45:53 No one's stealing the box. What is it brewing? I don't know what a brewing is. I think it's a night, like a night of some kind. Is it? I made that up. All right, look, you got the computer. Oh my God, I'm going on stage and Lenny Clark, hilarious guy from Boston.

Starting point is 00:46:07 He's in Meatwally Sparks with Dangerfield. He walks up to me, he goes, dude, I love your Cat Williams impression. Oh wow. And I was like, oh, I think you think I'm Dan So. Yeah. And he goes, oh shit, I'm so sorry. He goes, well, I love you in the Daily Show. I go, no, I think you think I'm Ronnie Chang?

Starting point is 00:46:21 You're getting colder here. What, Michael Kosta? Who would that be? No, I don't know. I think he just, I think you think I'm Ronnie Chang. You're getting colder here. Michael Kosta? Who would that be? I don't know. I think he just, I think he just confused. What is it? It says the Bruins is a team nickname, the name for brown bears.

Starting point is 00:46:36 So it's just a- Oh, using folk tales. It's a smashed up version of brown bears. Oh, interesting. And you're right, they were used in classic folk tales, these brown bears. So brown bears is Oh, interesting. And you're right, they're used in classic folktales, these brown bears. So, brown bears is Bruins. Bruin. Bruin. Brown bear. It sounds kind of cool though. Yeah. Alright. That arena is beautiful. Yeah. Yeah, it's classic. There's some bad sports names out there. Pelicans, that stinks. It's awful. Awful name. They're not intimidating.

Starting point is 00:47:06 No. Like annoying, weird looking. They look like fucking, I don't even know what they look like. It's a state bird. They look like tweakers who don't eat. They don't look like a scary. No, no, they got that Mitch McConnell thing going, that flappy jowl. They all just had a stroke.

Starting point is 00:47:22 Yeah. What's a cool name? Yeah. The Orlando Magic's pretty rough. That's no good. Denver Nuggets isn't great either. I guess, but at least it has some significance. That's true, that's true.

Starting point is 00:47:34 Yeah. What? Just drink it. Yeah, all right. What do you think, Les? We won't tell anybody. Good? Which recipe is this?

Starting point is 00:47:42 Is this the guy for everyone? Yeah. It is? No, that was just a this the guy for everyone? Yeah. It is? No, that was just a photo. Delicious. Alright. Hey folks, sheath! You know we love sheath!

Starting point is 00:47:50 It's the holiday season and I'm wearing them right now. I didn't even check! I knew I was wearing it, it's all I wear. You might not have wanted the underwear for Christmas when you were a kid, but as an adult you know how important it is. Sheath underwear is here to make your holidays super comfy. This underwear has two pouches, one for your dung, the other for your balls. It keeps everything in place and it makes your package look great.

Starting point is 00:48:16 I love it. You know I love it. He's wearing it. I'm wearing it. Winnie's wearing it. The wife's wearing it. Everybody's wearing Sheath with a bunch of different styles and cuts, both for men and women, Sheath has your whole gift list covered.

Starting point is 00:48:29 Hey, look at that! Didn't even have to change. Go to sheathunderwear.com and use code DRUNK to get 20% off your first order. Plus, Sheath's underwear is 100% money-back guarantee. That's sheathunderwear.com. Promo code DRUNK. Get Sheet the Underwear, support the show, and support your balls. Thank you. Now I gotta pee.

Starting point is 00:48:52 What's better than hanging out with friends and family and throwing down a little money on the big game? Nothing! My bookie has what you need to make the season fun. With weekly risk-free boosts, literally anyone can get started placing bets. You can even play live casino games on myBookie, like blackjack, roulette, and wheel bed. It's hours of entertainment and excitement. I love this stuff, it's fun, you know, love betting on sports as well. So we've all had enough boring small talk, it's time to make get-togethers way more fun by using MyBookie. When you're ready to get started, just click the link in the show notes,

Starting point is 00:49:28 sign up and you're ready to bet. Use promo code DRUNK to double your bankroll with 100% deposit right away. You heard that right, 100% deposit means up to $1,000 with code DRUNK before you even place a bet. Bet anything, anytime, from anywhere with MyBookie. So I'm gonna tag your thing, anytime, from anywhere with my bookie. So I'm gonna tag your thing, Sam, about getting woken up.

Starting point is 00:49:48 Airplanes, when you're coming in for a landing, especially on an overnight flight, what the fuck are you waking us up for? Well, you gotta get off. No, no, like we're coming in for a landing, please, you know, they check your seat belts and if you have a blanket on, they wake you up to make sure you have your seat belt on. Oh, yeah. And you might have a seat back. Yeah, and they wake you up to make sure you have your seatbelt on. Oh yeah, and you might have the seat back. Yeah, and they wake you up.

Starting point is 00:50:06 That's probably why they're doing that. That one kind of makes a little sense to me, but I do hate when they wake you up to feed you or something. They're like, hey, we got food, and you're like, I'm sleeping. Yes, that was one of the first first class flights I ever took.

Starting point is 00:50:21 What's his name? Connick, Harry Connick Jr. was on it. And I was like, whoa, Harry Connick Jr. He's like a legend in New Orleans. He is like Elvis in New Orleans. And he was on the flight and he was sleepy. So he's like, don't bother me, I'm going to bed. And he slept through the whole flight.

Starting point is 00:50:35 And I remember being like, wow, imagine being so rich, you turned down a meal. That blew my mind. I couldn't believe it. I'm like, everything on first class, I'm like, give me the nuts, give me the coffee, give me the booze. Give me the food. Give me the snacks that those warm nuts Why don't we ever do those at home? Those are incredible. That's true. I got a microwave. Yeah, that's all they're doing right? I guess yeah, maybe an oven

Starting point is 00:50:57 But yeah, but he turned down the food because he was sleeping and I was like that guy has made it Yeah, I mean, I think he I think he's rich enough that he could just eat whatever he wants. I'll tell you a fun move on first class. I was on once with Gillis. He fell asleep and the lady came by and she goes, you want the food? I go, can I have his? And she was like, I guess.

Starting point is 00:51:15 So I got two meals. Suck it, Harry. You made it. Yeah, those, they're kind of good, but there's never like a healthy option, I noticed. It's always like, you order like a frittata, it's like a block of cheese. Yeah, true, true.

Starting point is 00:51:31 We sound fucking annoying now. We're complaining about first class. I heard a hack though. If you order the kosher meal, it's healthy. Really? Yeah. God, isn't that a little on the nose for me though? Very much on the nose. I ordered the kosher meal.

Starting point is 00:51:44 There's a lot of room on that nose too. Ha ha ha ha ha. Woo. Yeah, you know what else is nice is the hot towel. Yeah. I love a hot towel, we don't do that at home either. A lot of nice stuff we never do at home. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:58 You can do it easily. I know, put a hot towel, put a wet towel in the microwave. It's nice. You know what is gross though, my dad used wet towel in the microwave. It's nice. How easy. You know what is gross though? My dad used to do a foot bath. That's weird. Just like a little bucket.

Starting point is 00:52:11 Yeah, a bucket of hot water and he was like, ah, I had a long day. I'm like, you're a psycho. My dad was a psycho. He drank hot Schlitz, which is like a horrible beer. Yeah, it's like a malt liquor, isn't it? Ah, it was in a can. Maybe it was Schaeffer. It was Schaeffer.

Starting point is 00:52:25 Look up Schaeffer beer with a C. Schlitz is pretty, I mean they're all pretty bad, but like. That was it. He would put a case of that on the floor and drink them warm after a long day at work. And then he would eat cereal with whatever liquid was in the fridge. So he would have, you know, he'd have cereal, we'd be out of milk and he's like, what else we got? He'd pour grape juice in the cereal and eat it. And I was like, he'd have cereal, we'd be out of milk and he's like, what else we got? He'd pour grape juice in the cereal and he'd get it.

Starting point is 00:52:47 Ugh. And I was like, what are you doing? He's like. That's fucking awful. I just need sustenance. I was like, wow, you're like a real man. I don't know, it makes him a real man. Well, he just didn't care. He could just force feed himself.

Starting point is 00:52:57 Just he needed food and he needed fuel. Warm beer is fucking gross. He was gross. Not to mention he's wearing a robe with no underwear the whole time. Oh, God. I know. It sounds like a fucking gross. He was gross. Not to mention he's wearing a robe with no underwear the whole time. Oh, God. I know. Sounds like a fucking nightmare.

Starting point is 00:53:08 It was bad. And then he's like, someone's banging on the door. We're gonna kick their ass. His dick's flapping around, he's eating up a little girl. Oh, and he crossed his legs. It was like basic instinct. It was rough.

Starting point is 00:53:21 Instincts are right. Man, Sharon Stone back in the day? Yeah, I'm bringing it up right now. Oh my god. I've rewatched it about 9,000 times. You see pub and that's it. Yeah. Hmm.

Starting point is 00:53:34 Pull it up. She should come on. I feel like she'd be a good guest in here. She's probably got stories, man. Oh, her in Casino is an amazing performance. She was incredible. Incredible. She's awesome.

Starting point is 00:53:44 How about Joe Pesci when she's crying? She's like, I just said, he's like, I know. I know. Which I've tried, it doesn't work. It is hilarious that Newman's hitting hard in the scene. Wait, no. Most random. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:58 I think they parodied that in Seinfeld at one point. It's stupid to write a book about killing and then kill somebody the way I described it in my book. Why is it? Hold on. This is a pretty bad movie, but it's also directed by Paul Verhoeven who like makes movies that should be bad, but they're kind of awesome.

Starting point is 00:54:14 Like he made Robocop. That's true. That movie should not have been as awesome as it was. No, he made it gruesome. Storm, Starship Troopers? Yeah. Oh. That's another one that like, he's like on the surface looks like shit and then you're like, it's actually a pretty good movie. Yeah. Oh another one that like it's like on the surface looks like shit

Starting point is 00:54:25 Then you're like, it's actually a pretty good move. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Denise go up. There we go Newman we'd this tape we had the VHS tape that shit was run through Noobin is so good boom. Oh my god, that's on YouTube? Wait, they blurred it. I cut this on YouTube. Yeah, I'm telling you, you can't see it. I've watched this 900 times. Dude, Michael Douglas in the 90s was just in every fuck thriller.

Starting point is 00:54:53 Oh, disclosure. Oh dude, Rob Schiml used to have the best bit about it. You know his bit where he's like, Demi Moore said to him, if you don't let me suck your dick, you're fired. He's like, right then is when the UFO should start landing. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. He was Robert Schiml was the best.

Starting point is 00:55:10 He was so underrated. Yeah, dude, every 90s movie was just, uh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. First class. Oh, what a beast. Oh, he sucks. Oh, that's nice. Your jockstrap. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:55:23 Oh, look at that right here. Denise, I mean, Denise, what's nice your jockstrap. Thank you Did he swarming to these Leslie wants one Who sorry Michael we get that why don't we do this every night, huh? This is nice. I'm doing this at home How'd you do it microwave? Damn, this is good. Why don't we do this? I don't know. I like that. The airplanes are on to some Damn, this is good. Why don't we do this? I don't know. I like that. The airplanes are onto something Shimmel the ultimate schlub. I loved them. So me and List had a good point or he had a good point and we I followed it Think about SNL. We saw Bill Burr at the cellar. He's running an SL monologue and it's killer. Yeah, it's like lights out

Starting point is 00:56:01 so funny How many comedians you think were on SNL in the 90s in that decade? Oh stand-ups stand-up boy I'm not talking like Jim Carrey who used to stand up only I would guess zero Well, you do movies, but you're a mostly a touring stand-up comedian. I yeah, I don't Jerry Seinfeld did it Jerry That's one. That's one. I'm talking the whole ten years 90s. Chris Rock. That's two. Norm. Nope. Norm was a thing. Maybe. But he was a cast member. Yeah. Norm, Rock, who else? Bernie Mac did he host? No. I'm looking at the wall of death right now. Roseanne hosted too, but it was because her show was so popular. But she was a comic. She was a comic. I bet Rodney did it in the 80s.

Starting point is 00:56:45 80s probably. I don't remember if she did it. Did you do the 90s? Mm-mm. We looked it up. Damn. The third one is a bit of a... Ellen?

Starting point is 00:56:56 No, it was Dice. Oh. But that's so few and now it's like... They're tinkering with this set. Lauren's like, you can't say suck my cock in the monologues. You're gonna kill me. You're gonna kill me. So we looked it up the last 10 years.

Starting point is 00:57:09 Schumer did it three times. Malaney's done it five or six. Bargazzi two, Burr two. Aziz. Louie. Louie four. Gillis. Gillis, yeah. And then there was another.

Starting point is 00:57:22 Chappelle's done it a bunch of times and Sandler yeah Kumail Oh Kumail, okay Yeah, just saying it's crazy how that shows how far how popular comedy is now compared to what he used to be Or stand-up comedy I should say to Rod Carmichael. Oh, yeah Good point a lot. I gotta say I saw him at the cellar that night, he killed. He had great stuff. Yeah? I think he's really coming into his own as a gay man. He was really funny. This is fucking...

Starting point is 00:57:54 It goes down easy. Just like Peanut the Squirrel. Do you think Peanut had any effect on the election? No. I think he did. I don't think so. I think Trump was any effect on the election. No, I think he did. I don't think so. I Think Trump was winning no matter what yeah, okay. What about the eating the pets? Eating the pets. I don't think so

Starting point is 00:58:14 what about The Rogan pod yeah, I think think podcasts helped. 45 million views. I think. Wow. Look how, look, we went out to a couple people who turned us down, who are political figures, who were like, you should come on. But if Mark and I are promoting a standup special,

Starting point is 00:58:37 we're not just going on CBS. Yeah. Right. We're like, let's get on every pod we can and promote it, you know? Definitely. That's what you see a lot of, like RFK went on Tiger Belly. Yeah, that's right. You gotta go on, I mean, he went, it's a bad example,

Starting point is 00:58:50 but like, it's about kind of reaching a mass audience and if you have enough belief in yourself, you gotta fucking do it. I agree, I mean, it's the same with us. We don't wanna go play Insert Town Here, but you go. You go, you do a set and you get the hell out of there. You go, you do a set, and you get the hell out of there. You know, you got to campaign. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:10 I mean, like, I remember Hillary wouldn't go to some town and Rock's like, you gotta go to Cleveland. You think I wanna go to Cleveland? I don't wanna go, but you gotta go. And that's how he feels about her, like, you gotta go everywhere. Well, it's like, the way Hillary was with not visiting certain parts of the country,

Starting point is 00:59:27 I feel like Kamala was kinda about going on certain podcasts. Exactly. You know, it's- Exactly. You gotta play the game. You gotta get out of your bubble. Gotta get out of your bubble. The bubble's already in here. You want votes.

Starting point is 00:59:36 Yes, yes. And that's all the political talk will do here. There you go. It's fucking- He brought it up. Yeah, thanks for the salacuse. By the way, um, H Tua got-

Starting point is 00:59:47 I said no more politics. 75,000 write-in votes. Really? Yeah. Oh, wow, guilty. Well, people are really stupid. Yeah. Why go?

Starting point is 00:59:59 Why are you going to bring that in? I know. Yeah, right? You had to wait in line for that. Yeah. And no one sees it. I guess they count it Oh, I love a picture of the old lady at the church like hack to a Somehow she wins

Starting point is 01:00:14 Votes in Trump there Hawk to is president President Hawk to a I remember Matthew bruce art had the joke with combler, but I was like she's blowing everybody He was like she she's blowing everybody. He was like, she's war hawk to her. I was like, that's pretty good. I think he had that joke. I mean, yeah, it's so fucking, that'd be so, that's a great movie right there. Then Yahoo has to call and congratulate hawk to her.

Starting point is 01:00:37 I always believed in you. Imagine her going to see Putin. He's like, you're hoping to stop the nukes. Pulls a Joe Pesci who is she seeing anyone now because just all you can think about is her spitting on dicks cuz that's like her literally her name is Hawk to us yeah I mean she didn't really do much to get away with it's good that podcast is called talk to him exactly she's riding the wave, she's smart.

Starting point is 01:01:06 No romantic relationship, all right. I feel like in like 15 years she's gonna date the Rizler. Let's make it all come around. She's potentially dating someone named Pookie. Oh good. Chris Rock in New Jack City? The crackhead? That was only you selling. No one else will ever.

Starting point is 01:01:24 Damn. Wow, Pookie, well, but imagine hooking up with her That was only you selling. No one else will ever. Damn. Wow, Pookie. Well, but imagine hooking up with her and she doesn't spit on your dick. You'd be a little upset. You'd be a little upset. A little upset. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:01:34 It's like going out with a comic and they don't make you laugh. I know. There he is. Wow. That is quite a crackhead. Yeah. If you're on a date and you're like, I had a lot of fun, yeah me too, but you didn't do the thing.

Starting point is 01:01:47 You didn't talk to her. There's that whole Simon episode where he's dating a masseuse and she won't massage him. That's a great up. What the hell, it's a great up. Young Coolidge. Yes, that's right, Young Coolidge. The end where he just makes her give like, he pushes her to massage him. Yeah, and she doesn't consent.

Starting point is 01:02:02 That was a great up. Damn. Damn crack. Chris Rock. Chris Rock in a dramatic role. Yeah, and she doesn't consent Those are great up Damn Sam crack Chris Rock Chris Rock in a dramatic role. I know you're early on Yeah, this must have been huge for him to get this as a young comic New Jack City's kind of fun and then he made CB4 after this. Yeah Yeah, the last line iced tea in the end holding the gun to Wesley Snipes. I'm gonna shoot you so bad my dick is hot one of the old time Fucking ridiculous some screenwriter was like I got it So wait Ice-T killed a guy right killed a cop no he wrote a song called cop killer

Starting point is 01:02:39 Yes, he wrote a song called cop who killed somebody killed a cop Uh Tupac shot a cop But got off because the cops were off duty and drunk and shot at him first. Whoa What's the story on that? Down south hold on pull it up. All right drunk cops off duty. Yeah shooting at people 30 years ago today anything wrong in this country.. Yeah, did Tupac not have an axe? So 30 years ago today? Man, Tupac was a badass.

Starting point is 01:03:11 Oh yeah. He shot two off-duty police officers. Whoa. Am I wrong? I think his mom was a black, or his dad was a black panther? His mom was. His mom was black and his dad was like a professor. He was gone.

Starting point is 01:03:22 He was at a, he was at a day I think. Oh, oh jeez. Yeah. Well, he grew up in a middle was at a day I think. Oh jeez. Yeah. Well he grew up in a middle class family. I don't think he did. I know. That was a Kamala line. I know, I know. Maybe Chappelle's mom was a professor.

Starting point is 01:03:36 Yeah, yeah, both his parents. Okay, there we go. There we go. Why'd he shoot the cops? Or why'd they shoot him? The Whitewells, I think their brother, were visibly intoxicated and Tupac responded to the drawn gun by pulling his own. Then Mark Whitewell smashed Tupac's car window with the butt of his pistol.

Starting point is 01:03:52 Tupac fired three shots from his 9mm. Two of the bullets hit the Whitewalls. Mark was shot in the abdomen and the brother in the butt. They brought him up on charges but he beat it. That's pretty badass. Yeah. The fact that you're a black man America in the 90s, you get shot by, you shoot two cops and you get off. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:04:13 Get some bragging rights. In Atlanta. In Atlanta. Yeah. Damn. My ex. Hip-hop's so fucking good. He was good.

Starting point is 01:04:20 It's like Me Against the World, All Eyes on Me, those albums are like fucking flawless. Oh yeah, my ex had a real crush on her, poster of menna in a room. Yeah, very intimidating Have you ever seen this is pretty funny? That's hilarious Station though says when the race war is happening and I got to shoot Tony Hawk and it's this thing from here and then Tony Hawk responded Tony Hawk to it responded. I appreciate the invitation. Tony Hawk too. He's a fan of your skateboarding. We gotta get him on. He did fucking RU Garbage that queef. Get in here Tony. Yeah, I mean that

Starting point is 01:04:55 was cool as hell. Tony Hawk shouts out Norman on his pod. They go what, who's a comedian who can skateboard? And he goes Mark Norman. That's fucking crazy. I have his I did his podcast and he signed my I signed a deck for me. It's up on my wall in my room. Wait, today? No, no, years ago. But I have the deck on my wall and the wife hates it. She's like, what are you, nine? A skateboard on our wall.

Starting point is 01:05:18 You got so much space in that new place. It's like it's like, how do you decorate it? I know. I know. We're buying end tables and throw rugs. That bedroom is fucking huge. Huge. You gotta figure out something cool for that. I know, I'm thinking a half pipe.

Starting point is 01:05:31 A whole mini ramp, maybe a batting cave. Maybe get a ramp down to the back. Oh. Like a superhero. That'd be great. A pole. Oh my God, or a zip line. Dude.

Starting point is 01:05:41 Woo, I love a zip line. Are the new neighbors cool? Have you met them yet? Yeah, it's a British black guy and his wife and they're super cool and the Indian guy above him, we had dinner with them, they were awesome. Damn. Yeah, so. That's huge.

Starting point is 01:05:55 Dude, trick or treating in my neighborhood was amazing. I sat out there with the bowl and I was giving it out. What are you supposed to be? Letting all the kids smoke it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and we just had a great time. Thank you, Les.

Starting point is 01:06:07 Les, thank you so much. Appreciate it. Can I break the fourth wall real quick? Yeah. We can cut, but Jack canceled. Oh, he did? Yes. So we can stop here and start a new one

Starting point is 01:06:22 or just finish this one. No, let's not do two solo apps. Let's just keep rocking. Okay, let's keep going. Why don't we get dinner? Woo! Where should we go? Let's go.

Starting point is 01:06:30 We can get Chinese, we can get a Thai, steaks. I found a place right across the street. It's an Italian joint. Okay. Or we can get Chinese. Whatever. Whatever you guys want. It's on Peters.

Starting point is 01:06:40 How much longer do you think we should, you cut all this. We can bring Herman too if he wants. Yeah, wants. I've only been going for about an hour. Oh, leave it all in. This is fun stuff. Alright. Let's get Din Din. I think Les was into you. I was watching her watch you. Nah, I don't think so. Alright, hey we got gifts!

Starting point is 01:06:57 Which one is which? Oh, alright. This is you. Bodega Cat merch to make it look like the Knicks. We need a lab car Anthony towns hey if you're listening to this tag Calling yes sounds like a gram and tell or to Twitter whatever tell him to fucking get in touch with us And let's do some fun bodega cat Really cool, thank you Who made these? Is this you Peter whoa? This is cool man. Who made these?

Starting point is 01:07:25 Is this you, Peter? Whoa, this is cool, man. It made Mark look like... What am I, Post Malone? Post-Alone. Jelly Roll. Smelly Roll. This is... We need this in the studio.

Starting point is 01:07:41 Holy shit. Anthony Mason with Bodega Cat. Oh! Holy shit. One of with Bodega Cat. Oh! Holy shit. That's killer. One of my favorite Knicks ever, I love Mace. Damn, these are great, dude. Whoa. These guys right here, look at that.

Starting point is 01:07:53 Hey, all right, the kids. We Might Be Drunk, thanks so much for sharing my New York Knicks inspired Bodega Cat logo with the fun Carl Anthony Townes graphic design illustration. I'm so glad you guys liked and shared. I'm a huge fan of We Might Be Drunk, so receiving recognition and support from my favorite comedians is a surreal feeling. As a thank you, I'm sending Mark and Sam some cool Bodega Cat Nick's t-shirts I designed.

Starting point is 01:08:16 Also included are a bunch of creative prints I've designed from past podcasts, stand-up tour, yada yada yada, as well as some vintage Nick's prints. I'd love to design more projects in the future. Nick Buccelli. Thank you, Nick. Hell yeah. This also included some prints for Joe List as more cool Buccelli streetwear t-shirts I

Starting point is 01:08:34 designed on my site. I love it, man. I love your creativity. So, man, really cool. Really cool. Thank you, Nick. This is epic, dude. Holy shit.

Starting point is 01:08:44 Look at that. Oh, wow. Oh wow, look at this, we gotta tag Carl Anthony Towns on this shit. He sent all this stuff Nick? Yes. Jeez, that's a lot of framing and glass and photo, this guy really did the work, give him a big shout out, Nick Buccelli.

Starting point is 01:08:59 This is a lot of shit, oh Mark, this is pretty cool, look at this. Whoa. You know what I'm saying, look at that. That's amazing. That's, this is pretty cool. Look at this. Whoa. You know what I'm saying, look at that. That's amazing. That's beautiful. The state theater. This is www.nickbuccelli.com.

Starting point is 01:09:11 Cool hand Joe, these are amazing. Wow. These are great. These are epic. Oh, get a Sam in there. What is this? It's getting awkward. I feel like it's, oh there's one there for me.

Starting point is 01:09:21 Okay, great. Joe Lissy, Outlaw Joe. Oh. These are amazing, dude. These are great, Nick. See what we got here. Yeah one there for me. Okay, great. Joe Lisi, Outlaw Joe Lisi. Oh. These are amazing, dude. These are great, Nick. See what we got here. Yeah. There we go. Class Act tour, oh, Minneapolis, it's beautiful.

Starting point is 01:09:30 I love it. Wow. Thank you, thank you, Nick. With the snow. I love it. Mark, Mark, he's obsessed with you right now. Jeez. Hey, that's. This is great, this is like an 80s comedy.

Starting point is 01:09:41 You know what, that's a knockoff is the Seinfeld Playboy. Pull that up, the Playboy cover with the phone booth. This is also using two of these. We gotta get in the Seinfeld one. Here's another one of you and Joe. You gotta use it for your studio there, look at that. Yeah, I guess so.

Starting point is 01:09:53 I love it. All right, we'll get them out of here. Thank you, Nick. Thank you, Nick. What a beast. Incredible. Great artist. I love it. There it is.

Starting point is 01:10:01 That's a classic. Holy shit. That was the 90s, folks. We had a good run, didn't we? Girls of the Pac-10. What is the Pac-10? I think it's a group of ten schools. That's my guess. Oh, you're right. Oh, Rhonda Shear. You know Rhonda Shear?

Starting point is 01:10:17 Of course. USA Up All Night. I don't know what that is. Wesley Snipes interview. I feel like there's a fun app, though. You know Rhonda Sheer, USA up all night. Oh my god I do. That's Rhonda Sheer, she was a playmate in the 80s. I don't know who that is. Oh, she was a hot blonde, very milfy. Let me see what other peeves I got.

Starting point is 01:10:37 God, this is a peeve. Late night diners in New York being no more. Oh! This is kill- I was out with friends the other night and we were trying to- it was like 1.30am. They kept pushing this fucking diners in New York being no more. Oh. This is killing, I was out with friends the other night and we were trying, it was like 1.30 a.m. They kept pushing this fucking street meat place. I mean, I was like, I want the hang of a diner.

Starting point is 01:10:53 Yes. I'm not opposed to street meat. We ended up having to get it because every diner was closed. Right. All the diners by the cellar, Waverly, West Forth, all those diners are fucking closed. Closed.

Starting point is 01:11:03 And I'm like, dude, 1.30, I can't hit a diner on a weekend? That's crazy. It's killing me. You should be able to sit in there 24 hours with a cup of coffee and not even order anything. Those days are over. I want a late night tuna melt or a surprise, or I want a late night omelet with hashbrowns.

Starting point is 01:11:19 Woo! Crispy, dude. Sing it. Fuck, a souvlaki late night. Oh! Come on. Yeah. So I'll do you one better.

Starting point is 01:11:27 My parents got stranded. They got locked out of my house. I was on a gig in Connecticut and I was like, I'll be back at 1 30 in the morning. They were like, well, don't worry about us. And I go, here's the key. They stayed up all night? My poor dad goes, he's like 79 years old. He goes to bed at like 8 PM every night.

Starting point is 01:11:42 He's old. And I didn't get home till one in the morning. I was hauling ass in Connecticut and I go, go to Junior's. You're in Brooklyn, go to Junior's. It's a staple, it's well lit and it's 24 hours. My dad gets there and he goes, it closes at 11. I was like, ah, COVID. There's nothing.

Starting point is 01:11:59 Nothing. So we had to go to a bar. You know what sucks is like, I feel like all these other places, like well COVID didn't affect us. I'm like, yeah, well they didn't have 24 hour diners in Florida anyway. Nah, that's true.

Starting point is 01:12:09 I guess they had the Waffle House. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got Waffle House. But those are a little, those aren't like relaxing late night. No, no. Waffle House is a fucking dude doing taekwondo in there with an ax. Domestic abuse.

Starting point is 01:12:20 The fry chef does a spinning back fist. What the fuck is happening? It's like that scene in Dumb and Dumber Every punch them in the heart puts in the doggy bag I Saw Julian Edelman and Gronk when is the dumb and dumb? I saw that I fucking text almost like, that's ours too, and he goes, best movie ever. We did it first.

Starting point is 01:12:47 The most quotable movie ever. Yeah. Oh yeah, pull over, it's a cardigan. Oh my god. That was a great Halloween app. I can't believe all of our, we had fucking Jack Whitehall and Ric Flair coming and we lost them both. Oh yeah, I lost them both, wow.

Starting point is 01:12:59 Both I think due to travel. Mm-hmm. God damn it, which airline do we have to trash? Yeah! Do you think his hair's. Mm-hmm. God damn it. Which airline do we have to trash? Yeah. Do you think this hair is coming back? No. This hair, do you think this hair is coming back?

Starting point is 01:13:10 I don't think so, but anything's possible. I mean, baggy pants are back. Trump's back. That's true. Who knows? Jinko jeans? Yeah, Jinko. HPV is back.

Starting point is 01:13:20 HPV never left, baby. Yeah. Not me anyway. Look at that teased hair. My god. She is a full-figured gal. Yeah Pretty hot so I got a it's not a peeve but I'm no longer raw dogging New York City with my ears like

Starting point is 01:13:36 Goes by I used to just be like yeah fucking I'm gonna raw dog this just let it go by and when it goes by I'll just let it go but now I'm doing this I'm putting my more an observation than a peeve Like you just kind of over it. Yeah, I'm it go. But now I'm doing this. I'm putting my hand, finger in my ear. More an observation than a peeve. Like you're just kind of over it. Yeah, I'm kind of over it. I'm with you. I'm doing that too. Yeah. And I used to hate that guy.

Starting point is 01:13:52 Look at this pussy. Totally. And now I'm that guy. Maybe it's an age thing. We're older. Are you listening to music or are you listening to music? No, it's just, no, no. Just, it's going right by my ear and I just let it go.

Starting point is 01:14:01 I'd be like, I can handle this. I can handle this. And now I can handle it. I'll go one step further. I put the AirPods in instinctually out of habit, I don't even listen to anything sometimes. They're just in. Same. Because it's quiet.

Starting point is 01:14:12 It's quieter, noise canceling. Noise canceling, yeah. I'm with you. So just drown, you know, the city can be a lot. It's like coming at you, you know, sides, every hole, filling up, you know. Oh my God. So just quiet it down, just a half an inch, I'll take it. Certain holes are nice when they fill it up, but you know that's the holes. It's just very overwhelming

Starting point is 01:14:28 Yeah, I'm on the block here. There's a guy shooting fucking something into his foot. You're just like ah Really, I and I was like man. This is it for you. This is a lot stop. That's it. It's not getting better now No, he's waiting. He's gonna turn it around get some crypto hedge fund. It's oh no He's gonna die in these streets and probably soon. That's sad. It's so fucking sad. Yeah, it's like, you know, I don't know what the solution is, but this country's turned its back on a lot of people.

Starting point is 01:14:57 You go to every city now and you just see it and it's really fucking sad. How many people are just strung out? Every city in the country. Yes, every city. It's great. Chicago, LA, all bad. Oh, just in Spokane. It's like, every city you're walking, there's dudes like, like aggressive drugs, grunting. Yes. Grunting is a peeve though, but I don't care for the grunting. Don't watch female tennis.

Starting point is 01:15:21 That type of grunting is kind of hot though. Cause it's more like, ah. That's true. That's true. I'm like, all right. Yeah. But don't watch female tennis in a hotel room. People think you're fucking some lady.

Starting point is 01:15:37 But yeah, you're not kidding. The grunting guy, the strung out, the drugs, just makes you want to go into a shed in a park and get an axe. All right. I'll do you one better. I go back to a park and get an axe. All right. I'll do one better. I go back to the park today. Yeah. The shed is undone again.

Starting point is 01:15:49 Oh, that's a horror movie right there. The shed. The shed, yes. Shed a tear. Yeah. Just played by a black guy. Don't axe me again. Oh, man.

Starting point is 01:16:02 I didn't hear any grunting. Nineties grunting. 90s grunting. You know tennis players are so hot too. Remember Maria Sharapova? Woo, yeah, there was a couple of them. They're all foreign. Tennis is awesome.

Starting point is 01:16:18 I love tennis, we should go to the Open one year. Why do we never do that? Lists goes every year. I know, well it's not cheap. It's not cheap, but that's one our agents should be able to pull off. Also, a lot of celebs there. You're like, oh, there's Brad Pitt, there's Leo.

Starting point is 01:16:30 That's why they can't pull it off. They're getting hit up by Andrew Garfield. Exactly. I don't think our techs are doing much for them. They're like, oh, sorry, we got a fucking Naomi Watts online to fuck off. Well, Andrew Garfield, he's a hunk. I like, I just like him a lot.

Starting point is 01:16:44 Good actor. I like all his,field, he's a hunk. I like, I just like him a lot. Good actor. I like, I like all his, like, he's always good. You see Hacksaw Ridge? I never, it looked a little wussy. It's a little heavy handed. This guy's got so much integrity, they all make fun of him, but then he saves the day at the end, but I think it's a true story.

Starting point is 01:17:00 Yeah. No, he, I think he's, I saw that musical he did, Tick Tick Boom, he's incredible in it Oh, yeah, but the rent writer. Oh man. He's I I just rewatched social network. That's an incredible great in that Yeah, incredible. Yeah, I don't like carrying him in an English accent. It kind of breaks the Christian Bale Yeah, I don't like it. I like you my way Here's some grunting for you Damn my god, Oh, I came, shit. Jesus, sounds like Chris Brown's house. What's he doing? He got a little chain to a radiator? What's going on back there? He's allowed to come in here.

Starting point is 01:17:42 I thought he was gonna come in. What the hell's he doing? That's a biggie too. This is a full glass of Campbell's tomato. Yeah, Jesus Christ. As a Jew, my sodium levels are going through the roof here. This is... Get another IV in here. Oh, damn.

Starting point is 01:17:56 I love that you got California split on there too right now. Well, look, it's a bummer these guys cancel, but it's also nice to have a little time. It's also nice to catch up. I feel like we don't do these 101 apps enough. And I do feel like the people do like an occasional 101. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 01:18:12 Because sometimes the guests are great, but sometimes it's like someone we don't know that well. Yes. So it's nice when it's just like us catching up. We don't fucking catch up. Even at the party last night, we would talk a little, but then we kind of get pushed away. I know.

Starting point is 01:18:23 You have to mediate. You got to do our thing a little bit. we kind of get pushed I know you have to mediate you got it you got a we got to do our thing a little bit. You got to schmooze yeah. So it's fun to just fucking bullshit. So let me ask you you did the Boston Garden. Yeah. Is that as is that as the same as MSG? I've never performed in MSG. I did a theater you did the MSG. Yeah. Who do it? Louie? Schumer and Louie. Wow. But is it the same size? It's probably, it's got a- Very comparable.

Starting point is 01:18:49 I mean, yeah, they're both NBA arenas. Wow, so how does that feel? It was fun, it was really fun. And it was a Cam Neely foundation and he's so cool. And I got to talk to him for a little while. Oh, that's amazing. 19,580 at the Boston Garden. I don't think it was full, but it was probably like 12,000 people.

Starting point is 01:19:06 Woo! And yeah, it was great. And Cam Neely was cool as shit. And I got to tell him, like, we talked for a while. And I was like, I know this is like a weird thing to say, but one of my best friends, Gary Veeder, like he grew up a diehard Rangers fan and his two favorite players were you and Mario Lemieux.

Starting point is 01:19:22 And he goes, that's awesome, thanks. Oh! He was like very, very gracious. That gracious that's great and I goes that says something that a Rangers fan like me yeah just loved how you play and he was like oh that's so cool and uh so we talked for a little while his wife was really cool too nice Tam Neely man he's like a bad-ass fucking Seabass from Dumb and Dumber oh that's right he's Seabass. He's a legend. Yeah. Hwip! Hock too. Hock too from the 90s. All right, so let me ask Salchies, pull this up.

Starting point is 01:19:50 Yeah. Stand Up for Heroes is this Monday at the MSG. Yeah. Let's see that lineup. Oh, who's on it? Well, I think Seinfeld, I think Bruce Springsteen. Oh my god Gaffigan hey Marcus Nora Jones Patty

Starting point is 01:20:14 Khalifa that's Bruce's wife. Okay, Jerry and Stewart quest love to I gotta get this photo So here's the plan we're gonna get Salak use. I I got him on the list I'm gonna try to get him backstage to Stealthily shoot the whole fucking thing you can I feel like these days people are less annoyed by that Yeah, everything is shot and yeah, no one knows when I was at the MSU charity game I James just doing shit and yeah, everyone everyone has got a person filming now. Yeah Yeah, by the way, who picked that photo of me? That's the one they picked? Also, not a great headshot. There's no chance I'm not opening. You're going first. I'm definitely going first. Unless like Nora Jones. Unless they wanted to do like a musical first. Oh, I would blow her if she went first. Now, who had to go

Starting point is 01:20:59 first on the garden? Alec Flynn. He's a young guy. Okay. He's a young guy and he, you know. Well, that's me. But he did great. He crushed out of the gate. And then, and then I think it was Zarna who also crushed. Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, everyone had a hot set. That picture of you looks like you're an entirely different type of comedian.

Starting point is 01:21:17 Yeah, you're right. You look like the wacky guy. The wacky guy with props. Like you hit your, like you take the mic and you hit your head with it like, what? Yeah, you're right. You make this face on stage. A lot of mugging. And he said this to me, oh.

Starting point is 01:21:35 You look like the wacky guy. I know. Jerry's, that's a nice headshot. He looks very serious. Great shot of Jerry. Even Gaffigan, he's never looking good. Yeah, good for him. Nora Gaffigan. He's never looking good. Good for him. Nora Jones is great. She's good. I love that she does the theme for the movie Ted.

Starting point is 01:21:51 Oh really? That Seth MacFarlane just wrote like a campy. Have you heard it? Just pull the like. He can do music. Is she making my way downtown walking. No no no. She's like fuck. You always hear those songs that you'd know her music She's not new. Yeah. No. No, that's Alicia Keys. It's like She's a piano lady jazz She knows why and then you know fucking can't sing I don't know that one she related to Quincy Jones No, I don't think so. There's a lot of Joe and what about Indiana Rashida yeah. Yeah, she is

Starting point is 01:22:31 Let's see I'm gonna look up there. I think Phil did some gigs with her. That's right. He did. Yeah That's her cool shit whenever they were She's married ah well never stopped Phil before It's got be her Seth MacFarlane wrote of it. This is oh, yeah, he's a show tunes guy Why can't why isn't Seth MacFarlane ever been on here? He would be a great I bet he would drink and we can go yeah, we DM'd him did we yeah, we did he didn't respond to me damn Very show tunes. But it is like fun.

Starting point is 01:23:06 Great. Light, airy. Now what's her big hit? I'll tell you. Pull it up. Give me the big hit on Nora. Yeah. I gotta know this when I meet her.

Starting point is 01:23:18 You know her, you've heard this song. Don't Know Why I Didn't Come. Oh, my wife's motto. No, no, she knew why. That's true. It was that headshot of mine. Tell them to change that, by the way. That's irking me.

Starting point is 01:23:37 Little shit like that does bother me. Yeah. I was doing a gig recently and on the poster it was like, you know them MSG's people talking sports? I'm like, I'm in Spokane. You think they know what a local New York show I did in like 2017? How about Netflix? You can throw me a Netflix, Amazon, you go to MSG.

Starting point is 01:23:55 Why the fucking pull up Ravi Shankar? It's her dad. Ah, he's good. Yeah. Yeah. A sitar. We got to get some fucking stories about this on Saturday? Monday. Oh, that's gonna be big, dude. Yeah. At MS man. A sitar. We gotta get some fucking stories about this. On Saturday? Monday.

Starting point is 01:24:06 Oh, that's gonna be big, dude. Yeah, I'm excited. At MSG. I know. The world's most famous arena, baby. They wanted me to do the red carpet. Are you gonna do it? I felt bad.

Starting point is 01:24:14 I was like, yeah, I'll do it. So you're just interviewing people? No, no, I'm gonna just go out and go. Oh, yeah, well, you gotta do that. Suit, you think? Rock of suits. It'll impress Seinfeld. That's true.

Starting point is 01:24:22 He's gonna be rocking a suit. That's true. All right. Rock a suit. I'll do a suit. Maybe rock of suits. It'll impress sign from that's true. He's gonna be rocking a suit That's true. All right suit. I'll do a suit. Maybe no tie No tie the tie is too much ties too much. All right, no snow tie suit Oh, I'll give you a peeve the guy who wears the tie down to his fucking cock What are you doing? Yeah, a regular-sized tie or tie it differently. I know that's a bad ties What that is you got to be able to Trump Trump. That's a long red get a shorter tie Trump

Starting point is 01:24:49 Come on, then what you got caught with the duct tape on there or whatever the scotch tape There it is on the left we're here that's real that is hilarious didn't work Come on, that's not real. Deep throat in the fucking mic. For the national. No, those gigs are fun, man. You know what else we should get on? Ooh. I had an idea.

Starting point is 01:25:13 Colab, Hock Tooh, and Monica Lewinsky. The original Hock Tooh. Yeah, and she got shamed for it. Yeah. Lewinsky had a pot. Back then she could have started a fucking pot. That's true. I think Hock Tooh was worth like 12 million dollars now for what I don't know you from what from I know but where's the money come from like is you have a sponsor is she sponsored by dip?

Starting point is 01:25:37 house spitting Zin It's so nuts like Monica. Winsky probably hasn't made 12 million dollars in her whole life. She's blue the wrong guy She sells handbags. Okay, she gave hand job No, she Yeah, she really got fucked over Monica Lewinsky Like though as badly like it's funny cuz that me too came like 20 years after what she did But like yeah, he's the one who did the fucked up thing

Starting point is 01:26:05 exactly she was an intern he was a kid i mean she shouldn't have done it but like come on like who's the one in the real position of power here? the president? yeah yeah i would say yeah great chapelle joke can you ever think you'd be so famous that someone could suck your dick and they're famous? wow like damn that's a take. That's a great take and he also, he had that great bit about like how, Hillary put us all in danger. Ah. You know what kind of man you have?

Starting point is 01:26:31 You remember that? No. You're the first lady, you gotta be the first one on your knees to suck his dick. You know he needs his medicine. Ah! God, he was so good, or is so good. He was. Rock's amazing.

Starting point is 01:26:44 Oh, that was Rock. Yeah. Yeah. Who do you think I was doing there? I don't know, that's so good, or is so good. He was. Rock's amazing. Oh, that was Rock. Yeah. Yeah. Who do you think I was doing there? I don't know, that's a good point. I thought you were doing Uncle Ben. Man, remember Tom McCaffrey had that bit about the women behind the music, they're just like interviewing roadies,

Starting point is 01:27:01 and they would just be interviewing these roadies, and the women would blow them to get to blow the band. Yeah. I wish I was famous enough to get blown, you know, I'm having a lot of time getting blown directly. I can't imagine even proposing at the women like, like you want to blow me, where are you going to blow these six ugly dudes?

Starting point is 01:27:19 And they're like, I didn't even want to blow you and he's like, all right, sorry. And then she leaves, he's like, sorry guys. She called it off. So stupid. He was a funny guy. Oh, Thomas, he's got some classics. Oh yeah. I've told him this one 800 times, but he's like, I read a Jenny Jameson's book.

Starting point is 01:27:39 The movie was better. I love that joke. Thomas is so funny, man. Oh yeah. Has anyone done the Monica connection with Haktua yet? Maybe I'll tweet it. There's something there. There's something there. That is. But it shows how far we've come with slut relations. You know what's also crazy? I feel like if Twitter was around in the 90s we might have moved through the Monica shit a little more quickly. Oh yeah. The cycle really it was too slow. We spent a fucking decade on her.

Starting point is 01:28:05 A decade of jokes on her. It's also hard to apply for another job. Yeah. But like, now you could start a podcast. That's true. The world is open. It's open. The 90s was still very, what's the word, it was kind of like prim and proper when you

Starting point is 01:28:21 look back compared to now. Oh, God. OnlyFans? I mean like- Oh yeah! Can you imagine like people are so fucking rich off just like, like, your pictures of my feet, you know? Yeah, true. WikiFeet. We're on there. I don't think I'm on there. Pull it up!

Starting point is 01:28:38 Yeah, I think you are. I got some- if the WikiFeet people could see my feet now, they would vomit. My feet are rough, dude. Oh yeah. I can't believe we got that IV, that helped. I was in bed with the wife, she was like, you gotta cut these, you cut me up here. What? Get out of bed and snip,

Starting point is 01:28:55 and then get back in bed. Real mood-ruiner. I don't know why I can't come. No search results, thank you. That was for him. Oh, fuck. Still doing you. I got some nasty feet, so.

Starting point is 01:29:09 My feet look like. Nothing for Mark. I could catch fuckin' salmon with these talons, so you call me? Same, same. Ugh, nasty. Oh yeah, I could do a bloody Mary accessories on my toenails.

Starting point is 01:29:23 But I also don't wear sandals out of respect. You know, I'm like, I'm a shoe guy. Same. Dudes that wear sandals in public places, I'm a little bit like, what do you, also this New York City, there's rats out there. I know. With the sandals. Flip flops, it's bad.

Starting point is 01:29:39 I'll wear them around the house or something, but I don't go out outside the door with the sandals. And it's not a good look. No, no. How about the guy who leaves the house in slippers, hits the bodega and goes back with the pajama pants on. It's a bad look. But what's fucking pants are like comfortable now. There's no excuse. I know what are these? These are nice. These are public rec. That's a free free plug. Look at that. It snaps back. I can exercise in these. They're great.

Starting point is 01:30:06 No, I like pants like this, man. You're just like, everything's comfortable now. Everything's leisure wear. Even dress shoes. Dress shoes, I had to wear them in high school. I went to Catholic high school. Yeah, same. I had to wear dress shoes to school. Brutal. Hated them.

Starting point is 01:30:20 I would step on the backs. That was the only way I could get them comfortable. Also, adults look cool in that shit kids look ridiculous Ridiculous, you know, I don't have a real job Yeah, we're in shiny black shoes to school where we just fart all day. But yeah Point is dress shoes now those Kenneth Cole or Cole Haan or whatever they are. They got the the squishy bottom I love that game changer. There's some dr. Scholes in there, you're gonna have a fucking blast, buddy. Oh, dude, that?

Starting point is 01:30:48 That was the most old man shit I've ever said. I'm gonna throw some Dr. Scholls in those shoes. Have a blast. I fucking stink. That and wheels on a suitcase. Those are the two things where we're like, why did this take so long? Oh, I did the duffel bag forever on the.

Starting point is 01:31:02 Same, same. I'm sure, like, I wonder why my back was always fucked up. I'm doing the duffel bag and I'm flying middle seat at 6 a.m. because it's the cheapest. I'm like, no wonder my back is fucking always janky. I'm always falling asleep like this. I'm always, you know, but yeah, the rolly bag. I love, oh, we do a lot of peeves in here.

Starting point is 01:31:18 I'm gonna do a little toast. The backpatch with the little loop that you can throw over the rolly bag. Oh, that's big. I love that. That's big. Who came up with that? That's. Oh, that's big. I love that. That's big. Who came up with that? That's a big, that's a big time move. I felt bad.

Starting point is 01:31:30 I was in Cleveland doing some theater and Jordan Fisher was there doing the funny bone and I was like, Jordan, we're drinking one night and I go, oh man, it's getting late. He goes, yeah, I got a 6 a.m. flight. I go, why would you have a 6 a.m. flight? We're leaving out of Cleveland. It's like a two hour flight. He's like, I'm poor. I was like, oh yeah, sorry. Oh shit, so I bought his drinks. That's good

Starting point is 01:31:49 Yeah, but and then he was really hung over and he fucked his neck up cuz he couldn't fall asleep on that 6 a.m Flight yeah, probably But he went home and we slept we've all been there the middle seat So not good when you're broke though the the best you can hope for is an empty row. I love an empty row. Poor man's first class. I loved it. You know people buy the seat next to them and then like minutes before the flight take

Starting point is 01:32:15 off they refund the seat. They don't want that seat anymore and they get their money back and the seat's empty. That's gold. Yeah. It's gold. It's kind of a dick move but you're fucking over an airline, so who cares? Yeah, they fucked you. Those seats are too small anyway.

Starting point is 01:32:29 They keep making them smaller and people keep getting bigger. I remember taking public transit to the airport and stuff, I still would do it occasionally, but I always did it, and then you're like, all right, what's the first thing to go? Do I take cab to the airport? Oh yeah. Eventually you're like, all right, let me bump up and do a first classic. Yeah. Using points, you're doing whatever you can do to make it a little,

Starting point is 01:32:48 because when you live on the road, you're like, how do I just make this so I don't, I wanna look forward to work. Yes, yes, exactly. Dude, did you ever do the bus to LaGuardia? It's awful. Q23 or whatever it was, the B23, that took forever, you have to leave four hours early

Starting point is 01:33:04 to get to the bus in time to get to the airport in time. Luckily we were young enough that it didn't, like imagine starting that at like four. Oh! Cause that would beat your ass up, but like. Yeah, it would. Mark and I were really young enough that we're like, all right, we could take this beating a little bit.

Starting point is 01:33:17 Yes. And also thinking like, look, people are traveling under way worse conditions. It's people in the fucking military. Yeah, people are roofing. You know, yeah, that's like real hard lives. And we were just like, I just don't feel good. Yes, yes.

Starting point is 01:33:29 You just wanna feel good when you go on stage. You wanna be like, I feel fucking. Right. I feel like if I can get two hours in the hotel, pre-show, I'm good. Oh, yeah. Two hours is what I need. Oh, that was the thing.

Starting point is 01:33:39 I was like, that pre-show in Boston, I'm like, I just wanna shower. Yes. I just want that, not even, it's just like about the feeling of being like, I'm clean. Yeah, Yes. I just want that. You're not even caring. It's just like about the feeling of being like, I'm clean. Yeah, you're clean and you've regrouped. You're like, I'm back. I put new clothes on.

Starting point is 01:33:51 I had a little of alone time. Shave your neck. Throw some deodorant on. There you go. That's all you want. Yeah. Because I'll go on the road and I see people from college. They're like, you're in Denver.

Starting point is 01:34:02 I live in Denver now. Let's meet up. And I'm like, well, I have a show at 7. They at 7 they're like well hey let's meet up at 5 and then you can you can leave fucked up yeah I gotta do two shows right we'll have a steak and a mashed potato and I'm like alright well I got a show at 7 they're like alright well it's 658 you're good I'm like well I have to get there and look at my notes and you know I can just walk in and go on it's a whole thing the whole thing you The whole thing.

Starting point is 01:34:25 You quickly glanced over uh, shave your neck. What are we talking about here? Like right here. Oh, okay. Just get the little. I thought you were talking like back here. Oh, I used to not shave here and it looked fucking ridiculous. Homelessy. It is good to get that line.

Starting point is 01:34:36 It just makes you look a little more together. Yeah. If you have a beard, you gotta maintain it a little. A little. I do the two guard up here, and then I get the no guard down there. Was that Baby Bliss? Was that the sponsor for us? They sent me fucking a razor, Baby Bliss. Baby Bliss! Baby Bliss, whatever it's called. Man, it's great. I love it. The only problem is, I sometimes when my beard will grow it'll get the little hair. You gotta trim right over that lip.

Starting point is 01:35:03 Yes. That fucking Ned Flanders right there. Whoa, that's a good looking razor. It wasn't that, it was, no it was like a blue one. Gold, who am I, Trump? It's like James Bond, Don Draper razor. Yeah, it's a little much. No, it was like a blue one, but it was free, it was nice.

Starting point is 01:35:17 What? Oh, blue? That or I took my neighbor's razor, I don't fucking know. Babeless? Yeah, it was nice. Oh, babyless, okay, wow. Babyless, that's what I am. Let's tell you.

Starting point is 01:35:28 Let's tell you. Woo. All right, well, where we eating, boys? Yeah, what are you thinking? Chinese? Whatever, it's up to you guys. I'm down. All right.

Starting point is 01:35:38 I got a spot at nine, so we got plenty of time. Let's see if Liz, I said I didn't, was it gonna work tonight, because I thought we had Flair on, but. Can I do a quick Mark Norman story? Uh-oh. Let's do it., I said I didn't, was gonna work tonight because I thought we had Flare on but. Can I do a quick Mark Norman story? Uh oh. Let's do it. Do I know about it? Did you guys talk about Joe's screening yet?

Starting point is 01:35:52 A little, yeah. You were in Ireland. Oh, we're gonna hear about Ireland. Ah, okay, what do you want to hear first, or at all? Well, let's hear the baby, I mean the movie. Both, Mark's story. Okay, so Joe List had a huge screening for his documentary about. It was great, we were there. Yeah, we were there portrait of a comedian portrait of me. Thank you

Starting point is 01:36:09 I loved it. So, uh Mark and I go out to eat beforehand just right beforehand like an hour before the show We invited Joe list to come with us and he's like I can't come you know the story. I was there So by the way, what you're doing a list exactly what Norman just complained about. What was that? I got a thing at seven. You're like, what we eat at 658. That's right.

Starting point is 01:36:32 That's right. I didn't have to perform those. So, Joe can't make it because he got his big screening and I was like, I'm going to order you a chicken parm. If you can't eat it, we're just gonna bring it to you. And he was like, okay, that's very considerate of you. He loves chicken parms. This is a nice joint, by the way.

Starting point is 01:36:52 This is a white tablecloth Italian. What's it called? John's on 12th. You walk by it a million times. Pull up a photo. That place is excellent. It's old as shit. It's a staple of the village.

Starting point is 01:37:02 What's better than like an old New York Italian or steak joint? There's something so, ah, the best. You just feel like it would have been exactly the same in the 50s. Yes, yes. There's something kind of special about it. I think it's been 100 years. Exactly, and what? Except they let black people in, but other than that, it's exactly the same.

Starting point is 01:37:15 That's true. Oh, they have Bourdain there. Oh yeah? No, John's is legendary. Legendary. We'll get a year on that puppy, because that thing's been there at least 60 years. Okay, stand by.

Starting point is 01:37:26 Sorry. I'm telling the story here. I'm a little bourdain. Sorry. Sorry, I'm ruining the story here. Peter's looking at it. So we order a chicken parm. We bring it to him in like an old box.

Starting point is 01:37:35 I mean, it's a little much to hand a guy a chicken parm. It was heavy. It was heavy, yeah. So but Joe's gracious, of course, and he's like, thank you so much. Thank you for thinking of me, whatever. And he's like, no, I got to carry this thing around. I don't know what to do with it. But he's like, alright I'm gonna set it aside. Thirty-six dollar parm for the record. Mark paid. I paid.

Starting point is 01:37:49 So the screening goes on beautiful movie. Mark cried. Yeah. I teared. I wouldn't say I sobbed. I did like a yeah. You were moved though. I was moved. I was moved too. I think I think Tom is so Tom Dustin is so funny. So captivating. He's so effortlessly funny. Like it's just in his DNA to be funny. I love that. So, now they're doing the Q and A after the movie, right? It's me, I'm sitting next to you, you're sitting next to Mark.

Starting point is 01:38:17 It's three of us in a row. Get in here, Berman. Berman, you're allowed to hang out, you weirdo. No, no, we're good on these, you're gonna kill us. We're literally just fighting off hangovers, I puked. It was supposed to be two episodes too, so this would have been appropriate, but one guy canceled.

Starting point is 01:38:34 So finish the story. All right, so it's me, I'm sitting next to you, you're sitting next to Mark. The Q and A is going on, now Joe is doing his gratitude thing, where he's like, I wanna thank everybody for helping me, I shot the fucking thing, right? So he's like, and big thank you to Matt Salacuse.

Starting point is 01:38:50 And then as he's saying that, Mark's like, hey, he leans over across you to me. He's like, hey, I was like, oh, what is it, Mark? And he's like, what do you think happened to that chicken parm? I was like, he's talking about me. Salacuse missed the gratitude moment because Mark was hungry.

Starting point is 01:39:07 No, I didn't want it to go to waste. I didn't think, it was 36 bucks and if I know Joey doesn't want to carry something. So I thought he threw it away. The one time, the one second. Now he's carrying a grudge. Yeah, no, that was, I was laughing because you were pissed off about it.

Starting point is 01:39:24 Yeah! Oh, sorry. It was like two and laughing because you were pissed off about it. Yeah! Oh, sorry. It was like two and a half hours and it was your one moment. Yeah, my 14 seconds, I'm like, what happened to that chicken parm? Sorry, sorry. I was laughing pretty hard at that. I just didn't want it to go to waste, but he ate it. And then List, to his credit, sent us a photo at like midnight of him with an empty chicken

Starting point is 01:39:42 parm dish and he was like, thanks, fellas. That's nice. That was nice. But he did try to take an empty chicken parm dish. And he was like, thanks fellas. That's nice. That was nice. But he did try to take credit for the parm. The big salad. Yeah. He took credit for the parm? I did.

Starting point is 01:39:52 He paid for it, you handed it off. Yep. That's an annoying move. Handed it, thank you. We're even. What's the other? 1915 on drums. 1915. 1915, over 100 hundred years, a hundred and nine!

Starting point is 01:40:05 That is so cool. That's amazing! Maybe we go down there and eat. That's a haul. They made a prohibition, man. Holy shit. Oh yeah. That's old school.

Starting point is 01:40:15 Damn. So what were you saying? What was the Ireland story? Yeah, let's hear about Ireland. I missed the last couple shows because I went on tour with Michelle Wolf. We got a page to stage. Hell yeah. And she had an idea after she saw the one that I shot with Mark.

Starting point is 01:40:30 She said, I'd like to try this, but in Ireland, I'm going to be there for 14 days on the 13 city tour and I'd like to write 10 minutes just on like Ireland and Irish culture and then do like a 10 minute special at the end. Love it. This is a great idea. Yeah. But this is a big feat. I mean you have to go, we have to get a guy in Ireland to shoot, to travel with her, to

Starting point is 01:40:52 shoot all the shows, behind the scenes. She doesn't even know Salacuse. But you hit it off? Totally hit it off. He pulled it off. Totally hit it off. Not only did she write 10 minutes, she wrote 18 fucking new minutes. Wow.

Starting point is 01:41:04 She's prolific. She is, she can write. And it's smart to write about local shit because it gets like a, they wanna hear that. You know, it's gotta be more fun to work on local shit than normal material because they're there for it. It's also an outsider's perspective. Yes. It's like John Oliver coming here.

Starting point is 01:41:20 Oh, exactly. Totally, totally. An extra like, oh, okay. Yeah. A shot of water. Yeah. So I told her while I was there, she was like, totally. An extra like, oh, okay. Yeah. Shot of water. Yeah. So I told her while I was there, she was like, how'd the thing go with Mark Norman,

Starting point is 01:41:29 the one you shot with him? I was like, we wrote that one joke over five months. I followed him for five months. He wrote one great joke. That's embarrassing. She wrote 15 minutes? Eighteen? Eighteen?

Starting point is 01:41:41 That's local shit. I know what you mean. Local humor gets local work. Well, Mark is so fucking good at sticking with a premise that isn't working and getting it to work. He's really one of the best. He's exactly the story. And a marriage. I'm just kidding.

Starting point is 01:41:55 But yeah. So what's funny at the end, like the very last thing, Michelle Wolf gets off stage. She does her like 18 minute little special that we shot. And she comes off stage and I was like I can't believe it you wrote 15 or 18 new minutes and then I was like congratulations and she looks in the camera. She's like fuck you mark norman. Oh Except it was fuck you mark norman. That was it All right. Well great and you guys hit it off. It was a good hang. Yeah, she asked me to shoot her a special When you guys hit it off, it was a good hang? Yeah, she asked me to shoot her a special.

Starting point is 01:42:23 Oh! That's cool, man. That's great. In DC. In DC, DC improv. That's a great room. She gets here, it's just all Ireland material. It's working!

Starting point is 01:42:33 Top of the morning, dude. It's building Dublin, you pieces of shit. You guys ever drink Guinness? What's up with the IRA? Am I right? Do you guys do a lot of dinners and stuff? Lots of dinners and stuff? Lots of dinners.

Starting point is 01:42:46 Oh, by the way, I should mention she did this whole tour with her two-year-old daughter. Literally breastfeeding her, carrying her. Wow. I mean, it's an incredible feat. Without a kid. She's riding with one hand, she's riding with the other hand. You're not kidding, that happened. The machine.

Starting point is 01:43:01 It's funny, Rachel, I was talking to Rachel last night, she's like, when I had my kid, my career went way better. And I was like, what? Everybody tells you it stifles you, but she's like, no, no, I got- Well, she's a horrible mother, that's what- That's what it is. No, she's a great mother. Cause I think it's just you work hard,

Starting point is 01:43:16 to Stefano, same thing, I think. Stefano, Louie? Louie. It happened to me too, you get focused, you're like, oh, I've got someone else to feed and someone else to take care of. She said the same, she said focused, that's the exact word she used. So there you go. Hey, Peter's is oh, I've got someone else to feed and someone else to take care of. She said the same, she said focused. That's the exact word she used.

Starting point is 01:43:26 So there you go. Hey, Peter's just drinking, I've never seen it. That's good. What are you drinking now, what is that? Bloody Mary, still? Same thing, Bloody Mary. Different mix, but very good. Incredible drink, Herman, amazing.

Starting point is 01:43:38 What can't you do besides get laid? What the fuck is that? What the fuck is that? Well, this is a hot app, man. Let let's do it should we plug some dates Mark? Yeah. Well what do we got here? I'm gonna be all over the road I'm doing the Ryman in Nashville which is a real treat for me I've never never beautiful headline that room. I love it. We are in East Providence I'm going back to the clubs cuz I got the hour in the bag,

Starting point is 01:44:05 but I just want to hone it, tweak it, perfect it, polish it. So we're going to the Comedy Connection, one of my favorite clubs in Rhode Island, Providence. Then I'm at Wilkes-Barre, PA, at the Kirby Center. Inglewood, New Jersey. Houston, Texas, at the Improv. Phoenix, staying up live.

Starting point is 01:44:23 Dallas, Improv, in Addison, and then I'm taking a little break for the Brug Rat right when the lady shits that puppy out, and then we're off to the rhyming. All right. What do you got? All right, tell them. Yeah, start right here. I'm gonna add some dates before this, I'm gonna add some clubs to work out in before

Starting point is 01:44:41 I do the little theater tour on the bus, but I got Charlotte, Richmond, Philly, DC, Bethlehem, Tulsa, Austin, Dallas, Houston, NOLA, your stomping grounds, Memphis, tickets still available in Memphis, Knoxville, Nashville, Birmingham, Atlanta, Durham, you're going too quickly. Providence. That's a great theater, that Veterans Hall. I'm pumped. Yeah, Portsmouth. I can't, I love Portsmouth. Oh, cute town. Shout out Duncan Robinson, basketball player from Portsmouth. Portland, Maine coming up. Burlington, Vermont. Montreal, Toronto. I'm going on and on here, but we have Buffalo, Albany, Columbus. Coming everywhere, as Segura calls his best name ever. Yeah, great name. I'd name him Segura, you fucking, you beat us to the best name.

Starting point is 01:45:25 What's the name of your tour? The Errors Tour. Oh, that's clever. It's a fun name, yeah. That's clever. Columbus, Royal Oak, Grand Rapids, Minneapolis, on and on, samurail.com slash shows. The Bodega Cat party was a huge hit,

Starting point is 01:45:36 thanks to Matt Herman, R&DC, Liz Bureati, Dan Hall, Avery, you guys for bartending. Yes, Liz. Bodega Cat whiskey dot com. It's coming to all these fucking, I mean, Avery, guys for bartending. Yes. BodegaCatWhiskey.com. It's coming to all these fucking, I mean, we're making progress, right? Big progress, we're on the West Coast as well with the Comedy Store, the Improv, the Lab Factor.

Starting point is 01:45:55 DM the BodegaCatWhiskey Instagram if you have any ideas for if you want it there, but man, we're gonna be at Luger's, Peter Luger's. Woo! New York City Iconic. That's like the iconic steakhouse, Strip House, which is one of the best spots in the country. I think I love it. Well, we'll try getting the Johns. Let's get that Johns Italian old school New York spot should carry this.

Starting point is 01:46:14 This is like an old school feeling classic. Yes. Like this is fun, man. Oh, they run the Keens account, too, that are and we got to get in a Keen's. We'll have a fucking the muddin. Thanks for that RN. We gotta get in a Keen. Keens will have us. Keens is fucking, the mutton? No, thanks for mutton. Have you had that mutton? Love the mutton, mutton chops. Jerry, you have to try the mutton.

Starting point is 01:46:33 I'm sure it had parents. We guys love you guys. Fun to do a solo up here. We love you guys, Peter, Salamanca, fucking. Herman wants to say a few words. I'm just gonna say shout out to the Rhode Island. Get a microphone. McLaughlin Moran.

Starting point is 01:46:48 They can't hear you without a mic. Just shout out to McLaughlin Moran in Rhode Island. Do great, Comedy Connection and Nicky out there. And Mark, I don't know if you know this yet, but we're gonna do a bottle signing probably again and while you're in Providence. All right, let's do it. Yeah, it's gonna be good.

Starting point is 01:47:04 And we got Miami Improv, all these new things. Yeah, Miami Improv just brought it in. We gotta get on Dania. Dania Beach. Oh yeah, we're working on that one too. Arizona wants it. Yeah, Arizona wants it. We gotta find a distributor,

Starting point is 01:47:18 so any distributors in Arizona. I'll get us into Dallas and Houston as well. I'm doing that one in January. Oh. Texas, so yeah. Oh, great. We're well. I'm doing that one in January. Oh great. I'll get the contact for you. We're cooking man. I feel good after last night. Not physically of course, but optimistic. Yes. And we love you guys. Thanks for listening. Tell your friends. Go through all the episodes. We

Starting point is 01:47:39 have so many good episodes lately. Hell yeah. We're grateful for you guys. So thanks for, you know, we're wrapping up almost another year so we've got some holiday apps coming up, I can't wait. Oh yeah, we've got some bangers in the can, so you guys are in for a treat and we'll see you in hell, happy holidays! Sunday's the day for my next offender, I've hit a Piva wreck, you know the future's close. I've had a little too much burping, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking post, and I get down in the same way. I've had a little too much burping And Norman's talking shit about the fucking

Starting point is 01:48:06 post And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be true

We Might Be Drunk - Ep 208: Bloody Marys & IVs

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.