We Might Be Drunk - Ep 218: The Dating Game
Episode Date: February 9, 2025We're doing our part to bring people together, with some drinks and comedy we try to make a love connection. Check out Rachels, Kabe, Christian, and Chris on the Dating Game, who will find love?! Fin...d out on this early release episode of We Might Be Drunk on big game weekend! Rachel: https://www.instagram.com/ihateblonde Kabe: https://www.instagram.com/kay.gatzby Christian: https://www.instagram.com/christianxanthony Chris: https://www.instagram.com/chris.palermo Support the show and sign up for your one-dollar-per-month Shopify trial period. Head to https://www.shopify.com/drunk Support the show, download the Prize Picks app, and use code DRUNKS to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Get started by heading to https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRUNKS Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBDÂ WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #wemightbedrunk #marknormand #sammorril #podcast #drunkpodcast #comedy #comedian #funny #gothampodcastomedy Tour Dates Announcement
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I
Know if it's playing the garden we got John Stark's
It's good. Are you fucking given amnesia? I sent you like eight fucking ideas to shoot with him. Oh my god
We got John Starks you never remember the eight fucking premises I gave you to mark
John Starks you never remember the eight fucking premises I gave you to mark
I gave you nine premises now. I only had one idea
Okay, sit down. Are we rolling did you get all that?
He's excited about alacuz Sam
That's a great movie Jesus Christ
How was shooting with John Starks and Chris fucking amazing incredible guy right and he was riffing which is insane I wasn't expecting that Wow he's one of the coolest
I mean one of my childhood heroes, and I met him a couple times, and he was so freaking nice
I mean we just poster on our wall wait you shot a thing with John Starks. Yeah
So anyway I mean we just poster on our wall wait you shot a thing with John Starks. Yeah fuck off
So anyway Hey, Ben, man. Hey, are we on we've been on oh, okay shit. This is not gonna travel
Yeah, oh wait hold on hold on here. We go now happy Valentine's folks little Balvini. Whoa, baby
It's cold out have some have a little warmth here. Yeah. It's
pretty good. I like a peedier scotch personally but it's pretty good. Oh man that's damn good
but I do like peed as well. We gotta get a Lagovole in for the studio. Definitely. Let's
get a Lagovole. We'll get it next time. Let's do it. I got a little rack for you out of
the gate. Alright. So uh damn John Sales, you know the filmmaker John Sales?
John Sales.
Good lone star.
Geez, Jews always with the sales.
Watch another one he did recently called Matewan
about the coal miners, yeah, that's a great movie too.
Oh yeah.
I saw that years ago.
It's about the, it's Chris Cooper's first movie.
Woo.
It's from the 80s.
It's about a coal mine union strike.
Okay. In the 1920s in West Virginia. Very movie got James Earl Jones is great in it. Whoa
damn David straight-Hairn awesome line in it where they're
He's the sheriff of the town and the mayor scared these guys
He's the big company send people in to intimidate you and and he's scared he goes to David straight-Hairn
Who's the sheriff he goes you think they're bluff, he goes to David Strayhan who's the sheriff, he goes
you think they're bluffing? He goes nah, but neither am I. Some badass lines. It's pretty
cool and he's just a really good filmmaker that guy. It's called Matewan, M-A-T-E-W-A-N,
but then I started reading about like you know the, because there's like Sid Hatfield
in it, so I started this book about the Hatfields and the McCoys.
It's really good, but it's like fucking hilarious.
The, you know, it's just so much blood shit.
They just keep murdering each other.
I know.
And they keep saying like, you know,
every father wants better for their kids.
They're like, yeah, I just want better for my son.
And you're like, well then don't name him Ransom maybe.
There's not a lot of lawyers
by the name of like you know what's your accountant's name bloodlust? No you're gonna be another
murderer. That's your name.
That's true. His name is quick draw Johnson. You're gonna get shot.
It's also hilarious the amount of money they're killing people over because you're reading
a book and it's like they're like he had a bounty on his head for $20. Even then it's like 800 bucks.
It's not that much.
Yeah, that's true. Well it's like those true crime, my wife watched all this shit and it's
like the wife killed the husband for the insurance money and it was 28 grand. You kill the guy
for 28 grand? You coos?
You have blood on your hands. That's not gonna last you that long.
What are you gonna buy a Civic? You gonna gonna line a cord with that you crazy cunt
But yeah, but it's but that's a wreck may want cool movie. If you haven't seen Lone Star watch that first
That's even better, but yeah, this guy's a great filmmaker
Are we getting older cuz we're I'm leaning hard into Westerns, and I think you are too. I love a good way
I love I didn't like him as a kid. I thought they were slow and boring and
They weren't funny ever, you you know so like I never loved them but now I'm like
all in. I guess Tombstone had some moments. Tombstone's great, good the bad and the
ugly is funny. Oh yeah okay but I'm watching American Prime Evil it's
really well done. I hear it's great it's Peter Bergman. Yes. I hear it's awesome.
It's really fun it's gritty as shit it's awesome. It's really fun. It's gritty as shit
It's gory. I mean scalping with the Native America. They show everything it's wild
But it's Sheridan kind of brought it back a little bit
He did because I think like he's like a real cowboy type yeah, you know so funny like with his money
He buys like a six hundred million dollar ranch of course his movies have good like hell or high water was on
I couldn't
turn it off amazing such a fucking that's like that's a good way to get people in
as like it's a Western but it's like bank robbery right you know modern
version yeah it's like a modern planet but that that's a great one too great
one yes Sharon you're right he opened the door and now it's all coming in and
it feels like you know you kind of had to be have some optics say then let the
Native Americans not be so savage II and all that and whatever this is just reality. It's just fun real
gritty murder
Bloodlust gold trying to get the gold and bland you've seen a land man. I hear it's great
I people keep talking about the Sheridan Mike. Yeah, well now it's like he's got his own extended universe, right?
He's got his own whole thing
But uh I watched the the finale because my girlfriend keeps watching like I don't have time for another show right now
Mm-hmm. I'm more of like a movie guy cuz you know you're in you're out. It's an hour and a half
Yeah, same, but like look at a cast just top three shows are like crack. They take over your life
Yeah, that's true. So I need to limit myself, but I did watch a little and I gotta say it is it is cool
I mean, he's he's the man. He's just awesome always yeah
Oh, I mean I love I think like one of the most popular wrecks. I ever gave on here was a simple plan which oh
Yeah, I mean another one if you like simple plan. I'm just throwing wrecks at you right now one false move
Oh, I might have wrecked this in the past in the pod, but it's another Billy Bob movie. He wrote it
Oh shit, it's him and Bill Pax again. Oh, it's an amazing movie, dude
I'm all in I just like this is my cup of jizz right Franklin directed it
He did like devil in a blue dress. Oh, he did some really cool shit. Okay. Yeah, that's a great and what it's first scene
Will shock you so stick with it first scene
Apparently they walked a ton of people with this first scene because it was so violent
So I think like this agent was there like I think he was Billy Bob or someone big in its agent
Yeah, maybe Karl Franklin's agent and he was on a date and she just walked and he was like I gotta stay it's my client
Oh
Shit violent, but it's but it's cool as fuck and it's great writing. I love it
It's like when they the guy heckles you and then he kicks him out with the girl stage
Yes, great great never happened to me me either sounds fun
Sounds good in theory if you meet Billy Bob. How do you not just go?
What's what's Angelina's pussy like come on? I mean? How do you not open with that?
Try high maybe
Go to high I would be like let me smell your ass. Let me smell your balls mark short circuits
Fuck Wouldn't even go to high. I would be like let me smell your ass. Let me smell your ballset. Mark Short Circuits is like fuck pussy
Tomb Raider Snatch
Yeah, that is impressive. Oh my look at this look at this this gave every not hot guy hope
Yeah, but he is like a cool guy. He's a cool guy that helps, but I mean he's not a Brad Pitt
I'm saying he's Billy his name is Billy Bob
That's a fucking tootless trailer park cunt saying he's Billy his name is Billy Bob that's a fucking tootless
trailer park cunt and he's pulling in the hottest lady in America he's not
he's got teeth and he's not in the trailer park oh yeah but the vibe the
vibe the name Billy Bob is what I'm saying yeah you're right but it shows
that it's the man that makes the name yeah he's fucking he's made good shit
he's made the bad Santa was killer. What was that monsters ball sling blade? Yeah, that's a beast
Lyle love it's another one. How the fuck did he pull Julia remember Greg Giraldo's joke about?
Monsters ball do you remember this I don't remember about how they wanted this to be this inspirational story
Where like a guy can overcome his racism enough to fuck Halle Berry?
He's like you want to make a point with that movie,
do it the other way, make it Brad Pitt and Whoopi Goldberg.
Oh, that's fucking great.
Geraldo, man.
The king.
Just another amazing joke from-
He had those jokes where you're like, that was there for everybody. He had the Siegfried
and Roy.
I was just going to say that.
A gay lion tamer hooked up with another gay lion. Talk about a soul mate.
That was brilliant. Great, great right there was right there, right?
There's like how did no one I know and it and it's not there's no
What a hyperbole it's just the thing that happened just blunt. Yeah
Yeah, it's just fact hold out for mr. Right. Yeah
That's it. That's perfect. So good Valentine's Day joke, too
Oh, well, you got there can't to the bowtie. We bow ties
I had no idea you guys want to tell us why we're dressed like this. It's Valentine's Day
Hey, we're doing a dating game show for the first time ever. We hope this works. We've never this was a
Producer Matt Peters idea here, and you got it. Wow look at that skinny Mike
Mike. Bob Barker.
Holy shit, spaying me to your pets.
Don't fuck the, what do you call the girls, the showgirls or whatever those are called.
Don't get us a rape lawsuit on here.
Yeah, there you go.
He got in trouble, huh?
Oh yeah.
And he was pretty old when he was doing it.
Yeah, so you let it slide.
Yeah, physically he let it slide.
The electric slide.
Are we ready to start this up?
I'm ready if you guys are.
Let's do it.
Hey, this is big news.
Chuck Willowry, let's make some whoopee.
What song is this?
It's an AI-generated theme song.
I like this.
I love it.
Hold on.
Is this offensive to the Choctaw?
So the dudes are coming in first and then we bring in the women?
Yes.
Okay. Yes.
That's how they do it in the orgy.
There's Bob.
Look at Bob back in the day.
He still had brown hair.
Just getting handsy.
Just pulling.
So I notice all photos Mark takes with women.
I don't know if we want this, but he has his hand like this When he shows you are now open yeah, just like the Keanu they call it
This or behind their backs where you can't see hey just does this but with dudes. He's grabbing their tits. That's right
Yeah, cuz dudes don't snitch
Bitches be snitching
We're starting okay, okay?
All right wheat we got world traveler photographer and metalhead Bitches be snitching. So we're starting this off. Okay, okay!
Alright, we got World Traveler, Photographer, and Metalhead.
He's been in the reality TV show Star on Top Photographer,
a tour guide in Florence, and shreds in three metal bands.
Give it up for Chris!
Come on, Chris!
Alright, Chris! Looking good!
Hello.
Take a seat. Hey, how are you there? What's shaking?
Looking good. Right here?
Whichever one you want.
It's a power move. It's like taking the middle stall right there.
Now they gotta go to him.
You know what I mean? Where are you from?
I'm from Connecticut. Living in Queens now.
Okay, sorry about Sandy Hook.
I'm not good with conversation.
So you're in three bands. Which which is the one we got to listen to first ah pestilent Empire pestilent Empire all
instrumental it's pretty whoa like Dream Theater it's correct or the chemical
brothers don't know what that is okay that's more techno II believe yeah but
what are the all the give us all the metal names the band names the other bands
the other ones some Neri
And that you shred yeah, holy shit this guy's already the winner. That's in Coney Island. Whoa
I was like five degrees that day five and you're playing outdoors
Gotta do it dude. That's my
Do you ever want to just like throw a big jacket on or is it you just gotta look cool?
Uh, you gotta look cool. What's...under armor.
Oh, smart. Oh, nice.
Damn, there's no uh, axe on the end of that thing.
Head stock? Yeah, no head stock.
Yeah, it's light. Badass.
Who's like a musical hero? Like what's a career hero? Mark Kelly.
He did it. Musical hero.
There's a lot of good guys out there.
Come on, Trent Reznor.
He's good.
Some good movie scores too.
Just the challengers.
Oh did he? Oh wow.
I like this dude Dave Davidson.
He plays a band Revocation.
It sounds like a made up name.
Double D. Do You know Damon Albert. I do not oh he's the guy behind the gorillas
Just watch the documentary. He also did blur blur guy. Yeah, whoo-hoo. Yeah, sorry my hijacking. He does the penises in Japanese porn
The blur all right
Should we bring out our second contestant come up next we got creative powerhouse he's currently crafting an animated TV show and
lighting up the stage as an actor put your hands together for the multi-talented Cabe
come on in Cabe Cabe Cabe Cabe take a seat Cabe what's shaking fatty looking good how
you doing how are you hey hey you look great thank you you. Thank you. You too. It's my favorite color. Oh, you sit down on one of these.
Oh, OK.
Yes.
This is Chris.
Yeah.
Yeah, we back.
Right on, brother.
Thanks, bro.
Yeah, we don't know the energy we're going to get.
Are you guys going to be cool or is this going to get ugly?
We don't know what we're doing yet, but.
Hey, if you have friendly competition, why not?
How about what kind of animated show you working on?
So it's kind of, so it's like the Golden Girls,
but set before their golden years. And it's kind of, so it's like the Golden Girls but set
before their golden years and it's not for older white women, it's for younger
women in their late 30s and their all different ethnicities. Are you gay? No.
I was kidding. No, no, no, see it was funny, I thought about it. My gay friend loves the Golden Girls.
Oh okay, so I thought about like I'm gonna be loves the Golden Girls. Oh, okay. Yeah. So I thought about it, I was like,
I'm gonna be writing a show about four women.
So I'm thinking like, someone's gonna be like,
oh, what does this young black male know
about writing about four different women
of different ethnicities?
So I'm just making sure that.
No. I'm not gay.
But this is your glam project, right?
Like this is what you love.
No, no, not just anything wrong with that.
No.
No.
No.
I disagree.
No. Oh. No, that's I didn't say anything wrong with that. I just agree. No, that's so yeah, Golden Girls is a brilliantly written show though.
Yeah, killer. It's full of jokes. My wife loves Golden Girls, but so that's basically Sex and the City if they were diverse.
I've never seen Sex and the City, but sure.
It's about a bunch of women in their 30s who are going around New York banging guys.
One of them bangs way more than the others that's true wonder keeps right that she
never got an STD on that show she got a curable one she got cancer remember in
the end oh yeah I never said how but maybe she was fucking too much that's
true maybe that show was a cautionary tale anyway maybe she fucked Lance
Armstrong so sorry so
animations your passion though yeah the script writing in general script
writing all right cool wait where are you from the Bronx hey we have two artists
here that's right I love it okay great a musician and a writer yes sir all right
well let's see you got a pauper poet next let's see you go
candlestick maker all right next we have a fan of live music, dimly lit venues, and sharp conversation.
He's drawn to wit but has no patience for disrespect or loud chewing. Give it up for Christian. Come on in, Christian.
Hey Christian! Alright, alright. Hey Christian, what's shaking, Fanny?
Hey, good to meet you. Love the tux. Oh, thank you, thank you. From Amazon.
Good to see you.
Welcome, Brian.
What's it like being named after a religion?
It's weird, man.
Yeah.
Yeah, I get a lot of that, like if I'm Christian or Jewish or something, I don't know.
Sure.
But it's...
I'm a... this is Jew and I'm Scientologist.
Um, I guess there's Islam. There's a guy guy named Islam. Yeah, that's fair.
Yeah, a couple of UFC fighters.
Islam Jackson?
Who's the, who's the, no, it's Usman.
Not Islam.
There is an Islam.
There is Islam, yeah.
There's no Jew though.
There's no Jew.
There's no Jew Jitsu.
Yeah, we just, you know.
And Judo.
Judo, alright.
There's Judo, yeah.
So what kind of work are you in? I'm in the tech space
So I work at a data governance company
Work with partnerships like working with Google Amazon that sort of stuff you guys ever need someone for a corporate gig
We're very clean comedians
Good I love you guys. Oh, hey, thanks. All right. Yeah, so we got a writer a musician and
Tech so we're kind of all over the gamut here.
I like it.
Awesome.
White guy?
Puerto Rican.
Ah, close enough.
We'll claim you.
We got that rock going on here.
Yeah.
Oh, too soon?
We got some diversity here.
Now, I guess, what do we do with the, we've
introduced the lady. Once we get with the, we introduce the lady.
Once we get the woman we got a McDonald's ad.
Alright everybody get ready for your bachelorette.
She's a true triple threat, an incredible painter who works as bold as her personality,
a stunning model with a flair for fashion, an actress who knows how to light up the stage.
She's talented, charismatic and ready to find her perfect match.
Please welcome the multi-talented,-of-a-kind artist Rachel!
Rachel!
Don't let her cross!
Yeah, keep her behind the wall there.
Here comes Rachel!
Hey Rach, don't go too far up!
Go right here, yeah.
Well you're allowed to look at us.
Alright!
Okay Rach!
There we go.
Alright, you probably can smell the cocoa butter from over the partition there.
That might give away one guest.
So, painter and model. Yes. That's cool. You can paint yourself.
Because you're, you know,
model. Okay. What do you do more, painter or model? I'm doing a lot of acting right now. Really?
In this conversation right now? Not right now.
Yeah, what kind of acting are you doing? Adult?
No, not adult, but uh... You look like you came straight out of Comic Con. I mean this is exciting.
Thank you. Yeah
All right. Well, yeah, where are you from?
Originally from Michigan. Ah, yes. What part? East Lansing.
Oh, cool.
I've been there.
I bombed there once.
I bombed there too.
Yeah, tough town.
Yeah.
Tough town.
It is.
It really is.
Can I ask, is this how you normally dress,
or is this for the show?
This is how I normally dress.
OK.
I feel like I do have a sort of caricature vibe.
I always like the boots and the corset tops and the...
I'm waiting for Robin Hood to save you.
Yes, yes, of course.
Gotta find him.
Yes.
Twinker Bell.
I've been called, I think actually my ex called me Tinker Bell.
Oh really?
Maybe that's off the table now, I don't know.
Alright boys, you hear that?
Don't color that.
Wait, how was the end with the ex?
Was it bad?
A little bit, yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
Cheating, heroin.
Abuse. Murder.
None of those, but you know.
Couldn't get it up, huh?
We've all been there, right boys?
We're not alone.
Yeah.
I'm up right now, if that helps.
Yeah, me too. These suits are not flattering. Yeah. I'm up right now, if that helps. Yeah, me too.
These suits are not flattering.
No.
Should we start the game show?
Yeah, Rachel, when you're ready to ask a question,
just say bachelor number one, two, or three,
and then ask the question to everyone.
Oh, OK.
And answer the question.
Cool.
We have Cabe, Kristin, Christian.
And does anyone want to drink, by the way?
Yeah, you guys want a whiskey?
That'd be great, man.
Whiskey or sangria is the choice is here.
I'll take the Sangria.
Ooh.
Very telling.
Yeah.
Do you want these?
Rach, you want anything?
Sure.
I mean, no pressure here.
Sangria, whiskey, what can we do for you?
I don't want to cause be you, so just take it if you want it.
Thank you.
Am I the only one drinking?
Whiskey sounds great, man.
Yeah, a cave.
Whiskey sounds great.
Get in there.
I love it. Well, Kate! Whiskey sounds great.
Get in there.
Well Bodega Cat.
Pretty good.
Get your Bodega Cat at bodegacatwhiskey.com.
A lovely drink.
Alright.
Thank you my man.
Watch us get sued for this song sometimes.
I bet you didn't play this man.
How much he's playing this?
You can't get whiskey out of plastic.
It's an AI creation by Matt Keenis.
Okay.
Awesome, thank you so much. So is uh...
Well AI is taking the jobs of artists, Matt, and we have artists guests here.
Yes!
Chris could have made us a tune!
Yeah!
What do you like to paint there, Rachel?
I paint abstract.
Oh!
I love abstracts.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What was that, Rothko?
Jackson Pollock.
Pollock?
Yeah.
Pollock's like one of my favorites he's
good his wife was a lovely painter as well though yeah yeah she's kind of
there he was actually like such a mess that most people think that he wouldn't
have had a career without his wife kind of holding the show together oh yeah
every weak man he's a strong woman here Hear hear. That's what I say. Yes.
Yeah, Pollock, he was, I think he was abusive.
Yeah.
Ed Harris played him in the movie.
True story.
Oh yeah, that movie is, that movie's crazy.
It's crazy.
There was one?
Alright.
Let's start it up.
Okay.
Told you.
So there, wait, so I say one, two, or three first?
Yeah. Wait, was one, two, and three on our side? We'll go with one. We came one. Yeah. Okay, so there wait so I say one two or three first yeah
Yeah, okay
Okay, bachelor number one if I ask you to make me blush, what's the first thing you'd say or do?
Right look you and I say hey beautiful
She's blushing. You already got something there. I mean, shit, I'm blushing.
Well done.
I need to put a towel down.
All right.
OK, Bachelor number two.
If you had to serenade me in bed,
what song would you choose and why?
Bed serenade you?
Uh.
Shadow. I don't know. Sledgehammer? Hmm bed serenade you
Sledgehammer
Sledgehammer this guy's confident. I like it. Is that a penis reference? I
Like it. Okay, I would do modest me
I would do all the small things. Good answer.
That was good.
Who wrote these by the way? You, Peters?
Nice.
Bachelor number three.
If I asked you to describe our first night together using a movie title, what would it be?
I've always been a huge fan of Serendipity.
So I think that would be a beautiful marriage. That works. What would it be? I've always been a huge fan of Serendipity. Oh.
So I think that'd be a beautiful marriage.
That works.
That's good.
John Cusack.
I love that movie.
Great movie.
Young Jeremy Piv.
Is that Beckinsale?
Yeah.
Oh, she's a hot little number.
Still hot.
Still hot.
Still hit it, definitely.
Oh, yeah.
Older number, but still hit it.
Isn't she Pete Davidson?
Oh, yeah.
Who hasn't? And Matt Wright. Who hasn't? Kate Beckinsale yeah, but Pete Davidson. Oh, yeah
Hey, all right, you like 20 years older now, she likes them young and wiggly
Okay
Bachelor number one. What's your signature move that makes you unforgettable in the best way?
Oh
Uh, is this a sexual question or sure it's feeling sexual right now
Um probably
Probably me you in the shower and then you standing up and me sitting down in the tub. Woooooo!
Spicy!
It's a lot of sensation going on.
Any videos of this?
Okay, Silkwood Shower.
I'll post the OnlyFan link later.
The studio audience is going wild right now.
Man, Golden Shower.
I like it.
Alright, alright. Well, hey, Bachelor number one is going right for the jugular, I like
it.
Yeah.
Okay, bachelor number two, you're in a romantic movie, what's the big gesture you make to
win me over?
Gesture?
Hmm.
Uh, I don't know, hire like a mariachi band to come and play and serenade you la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Number three what's the one fantasy you've never told anyone but you'd want to try with me. Oh
It's a good one. Um, all right bombs over Baghdad
So that's so I guess no one sure
Keeping pace with bombs over Baghdad is like a bucket list. Oh sexually sexually Wow
The fast song yeah, I mean that's that's a high BPM man. That's
Number three's in the gym Yeah, I mean that's a high BPM man. That's pretty intense. Damn.
Number three's in the gym.
Nice.
I just like a fast song because I come immediately.
Put me in Ramones tune and I'm in and out.
Yeah, I actually performed for the troops
and the name of the tour was Bombs Over Baghdad.
So, I'm with you.
Picking up the pieces there.
All right, okay. These questions are getting weird, Peter. There we go. Picking up the pieces there. All right, okay.
These questions are getting weird, Peter.
I like it.
Okay, Bachelor number one,
if I gave you 60 seconds to turn me on,
how would you do it?
60 seconds, on the clock.
Ah, let's see.
I guess we'll sit on the couch.
You sit on top of me and I...
But you're facing forward too, so I'll just kiss on your neck and just rub on your breasts.
Okay.
That's good.
You love sitting.
Every one of his questions has been very sexual.
Yeah.
I like it.
Okay, Bachelor number two, what's the cheesiest pickup line you've ever heard or used?
I think I'd go up to you, but hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours?
Okay, classic.
I got a good one. My dick's broken. Can you help fix it?
Oh yeah.
Okay.
Salik here's on double duty today.
Bailing out some of these bombs.
Bachelor number three, what's one thing you'd bring to a picnic to make it unforgettable?
Ooh, picnic.
My neurotic dog, I guess.
What kind of dog we got?
He's a sheba, mixed with a corgi.
Shiba and a corgi. I really love dogs so that was a good answer.
Okay! All right. Shiba and a corgi huh? That's a cute dog. A kiba. He does well.
That's a cute fucking dog my god. Bachelor number two if we were alone in a hot tub
what's the first thing you do to break the ice? Try a toaster in.
Bachelor number one, if you had a theme song that played every time you entered a room,
what would it be?
Oh wow.
I'll do Rich Homie Kwan, I feel like the man when I walk through.
I don't know if anybody knows that one.
Oh yeah, that's a classic.
Pull it up.
Alright.
We'll just play.
Rest in peace, man.
Play enough so we don't get sued.
Primus, here come the bastards.
Aha, that's a classic.
Uh oh. Alright. I like this.
Oh no, not this one.
It's uh, walkthrough.
Sorry.
Walkthrough.
Alright, I think that gave away the ethnicity of the
batch number one.
He died?
Yeah. Really? Oh shit. Yeah he did. Hey that's a good entrance.
Gotta walk out with your chest up and everything. Oh yeah. Alright. How did he die? Number two?
Oh. Number one. Number one, sorry. I forgot. I hope it's not an overdose. Pull it up! I thought you said he died from a number two.
Oh Jesus.
Damn.
He's doing himself to death.
Shit.
What's up?
Alright, next question.
Alright, sorry there Rich.
Okay, number three.
If you were an exotic dancer, what would your stage name be and signature move?
Oh god, it's gotta be something stupid like like a sugar or something um I like
dancing salsa so yeah. Salsa! I do that pretty well. Nice! Salsa and sugar.
My signature move would be sorry.
Bachelor number one what's the sexiest compliment someone has given you and why did they mean it?
I guess
a lady told me that she wanted to devour me because I guess
Because I'm chocolate. I'm sorry to give that away. But yeah Okay, devour me because I guess because I'm chocolate I'm sorry to give that away but yeah okay devour nice too bad Rachel's diabetic so myself he's missing
the foot actually
number two what's one thing you've done to impress someone that totally backfired?
Umm...
Totally backfired...
Actually, I made like a napkin rose once and gave it to a woman.
And she was just like, we just give this to everybody.
I did make one backstage.
Ohhh!
I don't know if it's gonna backfire or not though. Damn. Wow. I did make one backstage
Damn
Pretty smooth
Fidget I can't help it. I saw him blows nose into that
Yeah, it's kind of discolored but it's
Thought that counts. Yeah, it's very romantic real
Okay bachelor number three if you had to plan a surprise for me with only $20, what would you do?
All day, it's Taco Bell.
Let's go to our sponsors, guys. This segment has been brought to you by the new Chalupa Supreme.
Now, 20 bucks? I mean, you can do a lot, but New York is a huge city.
I mean, we can go to Central Park, I don't know, go to the Five Below, get a picnic table,
I mean, a picnic blanket.
Yep.
Get some Taco Bell, hang out, people watch.
I think that sounds nice.
And with the blanket, you can clean up the diarrhea.
Yes.
All right.
I feel like it was lined up for number one.
Okay, bachelor number one,
what's one part of your body you're most proud of
and why should I agree?
Ooh.
Don't go the obvious route.
I won't be obvious.
Honestly, I say face because as a kid,
I had an awkward face for like the longest as a kid.
So I, you know, I had to-
But that means his dick was huge already.
He was eight years old. You said it on me, but okay. But no, seriously, as a kid so I you know I had that he means his dick was huge already you said
it on me but okay but no seriously I'm proud of like how my face turned out and
I had a visit line so my teeth got straightened and everything so yeah
there's my face and I gotta be not to you know reveal anything but I do have a
beard so I am proud of that okay so what's your number one? Number one. Yeah, isn't it isn't the question with a card? Oh space
That's fair that's good. All right
number two
If I were a popsicle, how would you eat me?
classic classic
You rascal you
Question well done Peter you rascal you
Probably wait too long honestly till you were already melted kind of blow the whole thing
All right, not the way
I know you'd end up blowing something
Way too long and then I would come in my pants. What? What the hell just happened?
Put the popsicle up your ass.
And let it melt.
The best guys.
I'd hand it to my friend and watch while he eats.
And I film it.
Bachelor number three, if you were a dessert,
what kind would you be and how should I eat you?
Woo!
Nice.
Now we're getting somewhere.
Almost there.
So I'm diabetic, right?
So it's gotta be sugar-free.
Okay.
Bad start here.
Yeah, most of them suck,
but we could do like a sugar-free yogurt, I don't know.
Flow with a spoon, straight out of context, I don't know.
Okay. Okay, probiotics. Sugar-free. I love context, I don't know. Okay.
Okay.
Sugar free.
Probiotics, I love a probiotic.
Cultures.
Yeah.
A little tasty delight or something like that.
There's options.
Judging by that answer, there's some fruit on the bottom.
All right.
Bachelor number one, what's the wildest outfit you've ever worn and would you wear it again
for me? Oh. Oh, wildest outfit you've ever worn and would you wear it again for me?
Oh, wildest outfit.
Hmm, gotta be that Wakanda suit.
Um, I guess on Halloween I was, I had like a top gun phase so I wore a flight, the Tom
Cruise flight suit.
Yeah, that was cool. I feel like that was cool. so I wore a flight, the Tom Cruise flight suit.
Yeah, that was cool.
I feel like that was cool.
You know, I didn't even make it out that Halloween,
so I wore it inside the house for like a good hour
because I felt so bad.
Looks more like a top-bottom.
I think as long as the pilot's not female.
I would wear that again for you.
That's a fine answer.
That's hot.
I like it.
I like it.
The aviators too. Yeah a fun answer. That's hot. I like it.
I like it.
You're a deviator too?
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Nice.
Okay.
You guys with the guns.
All right.
Here we go.
You knew it was going to be cool.
It wasn't going to be like one time I was Buffalo Bill for Halloween and I tucked my
cock.
Oh.
If I have time, actually I had a Buzz Lightyear onesie when I was like five years old.
Nice.
It was a different one and I remember I was at my aunt's house
using the bathroom.
You gotta put that one back on, the five years old one.
Yeah, okay.
And I accidentally zipped up my little me.
Yeah.
Yeah, while I was in the bathroom.
I was so scared to scream, I was embarrassed.
I just covered my mouth and just.
Even his buzz, he hurt your Woody.
Yeah, there you go.
We did a Halloween with Buzz and Woody.
That's right. That's cute. It was pretty cute. I We did a Halloween as Buzz and Woody. That's right.
That's cute. It was pretty cute.
I'd love to see that photo of you.
I got you. It's on Facebook.
All right. There you go.
Number two, if you were an animal,
how would you woo your mate?
How would I woo?
Uh. Woo?
I don't know.
Did rattlesnakes, is that like a snake charmer?
Is that like a thing that woos?
Sure, shake that rattle.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Getting a mesh patella in here
to play some fucking, some flute music.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh good.
Oh good.
Pretty good.
Oh wait, is that all of them?
Yeah. Oh, is that it? That that all of them? Yeah.
Oh is that it?
That's all of them.
If you want to go off the dome there, Rach, feel free to ask the questions you want to
ask.
Wow.
I like that, yeah.
What you take over here.
Well, you know, if you're really gonna hook up with one of these guys, what do you want
to know?
More sexual innuendo.
Yes.
The people at home are loving it.
Sexual questions? Or anything, whatever you want.
Whatever you want.
Everyone's STD free, I assume?
OK.
So far so good.
So far so good.
Good, because she has AIDS.
Oh, great, great.
How bad do you guys want it?
Use prep.
Bachelor number three, what's your favorite dating app and why?
They all suck. I would say hinge is the best that I've used because it's a
little bit more in-depth you get to understand like beyond pictures kind of
a personality. Yeah that's really it. I hear that's a good one. Yeah.
I've never used it, but I heard it.
Because that means you know someone in common.
No, no, you don't need to necessarily.
I think that was the old version of it.
Yeah, but you could at least kind of like see behind the view because like you go on
other apps, it's just face value.
Got it.
Yeah, I've used Hinge.
I think it's good.
All right.
Well, there you go.
Nice.
Another sponsor. Yeah, exactly. Okay, good one, H good. All right. Well, there you go. Another sponsor.
Yeah.
Exactly.
OK, good one, Hinge.
Got it.
OK.
Bachelor number two, do you work out?
Ooh, good question.
I do.
Just your demons or?
No way.
What's your gym routine? I go to a rock climbing gym
actually do that for a little while it's good for the forearms and they got a gym
upstairs so nice that nice gym in the building pain the ass though because
it's like a rock climbing gym so every time I go into the gym like upstairs
it's all these fucking like barefoot hippies working out I swear to God like
oh yeah I have athletes foot work, how do you guys not have
athlete's foot working out here?
It's pretty disgusting.
Do you have to get a spotter when you do that?
Do you go pretty high up or what do you do?
I do bouldering, so even if you fall from the highest,
you'll be all right.
Damn.
You get to fall though.
Yeah, a lot of powder in that, right?
Yeah, if you don't use it though, you get used to it.
Okay.
Not as sweaty. Some calluses in there? Yeah. Oh yeah, I use it though, you get used to it. Okay. I just sweaty some calluses in there
Yeah, oh, yeah, I can see your strong hands
Mark and I trying to fuck him now
Each one of the bachelors asks her one question before we finish good question. I'm already finished. Yes good question
starting with one
anything for Rachel.
What was your worst date?
Ooh.
Salakusia was heading on her in the hallway.
I once had a riot date where he asked me to like meet him in Washington Square Park and
walk around and it was February.
Oh, during COVID.
That's valid.
It was like after COVID but I restaurants and places were open like I was going to the
gym.
I don't think it was like deep COVID.
That's a cheap fuck right there.
I did it.
Walk around in the cold.
I've done it.
I've done it too.
To walk around.
You know my move, at least gotta get creative.
I used to take girls on the Staten Island ferry.
That's pretty good.
Freeze, there's a boat ride.
The views.
If it's a bad day, you leave them there.
Yes, throw them right over the edge like Natalie Wood.
Number two? How is your relationship with your father? That's a great question. That's a question I've always wanted to ask on a
first date. Yes! And I've never done it. Well done! Well done. You need a partition for that question.
I'm a daddy's girl. Good son. My dad's probably... I've never dated a girl with a good father in my life.
My current girlfriend's dad on like literally the first time we met, I shit you not, said you know
Hitler underachieved. He fucking actually said that to me. What does that mean? He could have
done more. I was like yeah he did pretty did pretty well. Yeah, he was efficient.
He got numbers.
Yeah.
Sorry to jump in there.
He could have painted more.
Did he finish art school?
No.
Oh, I see. Oh.
He was always bitter about it.
Wait, wait, so you're a daddy's girl, which means you're not getting laid for a while.
Yeah.
That's the downside of the dad around.
Yeah, but for longevity.
True. Yeah, my dad's my hero of the dad around. Yeah, but for longevity. True.
Yeah, my dad's my hero.
He's my best friend.
Green flag.
Green flag.
What does your dad, what kind of work does he do?
My dad and my mom own a company together.
They make child porn.
They work in finance, and they've
been together for 36 years.
Wow.
Work in finance?
They work in finance together.
Their offices connect. Their offices like connect.
It's pretty cute.
That's adorable.
Yeah.
That's hot.
How old are they?
Um, young 60s.
Oh, young 60s.
Wow.
I think he was hoping to get with you and get a settlement.
How old are they?
That's a good question.
All right, good question there, Chris.
Thank you.
Cabe, did you ask?
I asked. Yeah, number three. All right
Okay, Rachel
Describe, I guess your perfect scenario five years from now with your significant
Very tech great question. Where do you see this company?
By invest or not. I would definitely say living in Manhattan or Brooklyn,
both of us successful working on our crafts.
I like creativity in people.
And maybe a kid or two.
Ooh.
Maybe a brownstone.
Ooh.
Maybe just a high floor.
OK.
For the view.
Sex against the window once a week.
Nah, once a week.
Against an open window?
And a brownstone?
Children walk these streets, damn it.
I heard high floor apartment before I thought that.
I heard brownstone.
Let me know which apartment so I can look.
But yeah, that's it.
All right, all right. All right, good answer. That's it. I think look. But yeah, that's it. Alright, alright.
Good answer. That's it.
I think it's time to choose our winner there.
Time to make your choice. We'll be bachelor number one,
or number two, or number three.
Any final words?
I think we gotta get some final words in there.
Oh yeah, make your case number one?
We call this segment, make your case,
start with Cabe.
Last shot here. Well ray too. If you leave with me just know we get a nice dinner out of this
You want to get some laughs?
What kind of food are we talking?
well
Tomorrow's Tuesday so we can do Mexican. Oh
It's taco Tuesday. We get some good deals in Brooklyn.
That's true.
Um...
Are you... any dietary restrictions?
No.
That's a good... that's music to my ears.
Alright.
It also doesn't sound like brownstone money over there.
Oh, damn.
A deal on Tuesday?
Yeah.
It is his nickname, though.
I'm impressed.
I'm done. Rachel, I'll treat you right. Yeah!
That was good.
I like that.
Alright, Deuce.
What's in the bag?
Well, I have a car.
And so we can escape the city
anytime you want.
Have a nice vacation.
Also have a Vespa if you want to go on the back of that.
Two modes of transportation. A lot easier to get around the city escape the city anytime you want, go on a nice vacation. Also have a Vespa if you want to go on the back of that.
Two modes of transportation.
A lot easier to get around the city on the Vespa.
Italian getaway.
That's correct.
I like that.
Hold on tight, Rach.
Yeah.
Seatbelt on.
Okay.
You got a helmet for her?
We can get one.
All right.
She might wear one regularly.
I have a limited metro card.
Whoa! Oh, shit. Yes. I have an unlimited metro card. Woah!
Yes.
I have a card, that's way better.
That card only works for one person.
After like 10 minutes.
He can open the door for her.
The subway door.
I love it, I love it.
Okay, okay, we got an unlimited metro,
we got a car and Vespa,
what do you got Puerto Rico?
Come on!
A beautiful island, but Rachel, you've got some great guys here.
You know, you got Cave, a lot of sitting.
The humble.
You know, Chris, some live music.
With me, you know, it's good vibes.
I think whoever you pick is gonna be great.
I got a cute dog.
We'll reenact serendipity.
It'll be a good time.
Oh, okay. I like it. dog, we'll reenact serendipity. It'd be a good time. Oh, okay.
I like it.
Nice, nice.
Well, I guess it's up to Rach at this point.
The gods have spoken.
Hmm.
It's a tough call.
It is tough.
I mean, look, if you have one more question that would really seal the deal, we could
always do that if there's...
Nothing comes to mind you want measurements body parts or uh?
Money you want a bank statement or heights two things
Um I think I will go with your online store rock
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number three
garbage
let's see what you do
okay first yeah don't get up yet there
Cabe say hello
Wow
Hi, how are you?
Good, nice to meet you
Do I go somewhere else?
Very nice, now he gets assassinated like in squid games
I see, just not the face
Just not the face
Beautiful face, great teeth
You have three handsome men here, I think you have three good choices.
That two will be interesting because I feel like you guys have a similar vibe.
But what the hell do I know?
Say hello number two. Chris.
Hey, how are you doing? Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Love your outfit.
Thank you. I like yours too.
Thank you. Thank you.
I like your outfit too though. Honestly you guys are very well dressed.
Couple of six footers over here.
Six one, six one, six even.
And now let's meet your winner here.
Here we go.
Wow!
Pleasure. Where we going?
Yeah, where is this day gonna be?
That's up to them.
Central Park and Taco Bell?
If you guys do hit it off, we will send you on a dinner.
You guys have won $20 to go to the restaurant of your choice.
Taco Bell it is.
Wow.
The only caveat is if you have sex, you have to send us the video.
We do.
It's just a Salacuse. He punches it it up we have gift bags for all of you though because no
one's going going home empty-handed gift bag for everybody I hope you enjoy your Can we take two or? A whiskey. Chris already got his prize. Woo!
That's a good point.
Yeah, that's right.
Oh, nice.
All right, Rachel, anything that could've done different
or is, I guess?
I think they all did great.
It was honestly really tough to pick.
I bet.
I was kinda hoping we'd have like
a unhinged wild card type dude.
I would just say like, you know,
like the Holocaust never happened, stuff like that.
Oh wow. He's an easy out. Yeah. but yeah she likes a wild card who knows it's real
this is Alvinis hidden me
three giant geeks there I don't know are we rolling rolling? Oh shit. Look at that hunch. That stance is crazy.
From no fixed address, please welcome. He's just a guy.
Medicine figure shambles into the studio there, you know.
Then they make the girls, you know, ask those questions.
They always be about sex, you know. And they made the girls, you know, ask those questions. They always be about sex, you know?
Always thinly disguised sex, you know?
Never direct, you know, insertion or anything,
but it's always something about, you know,
like the girl goes,
Bachelor number two, if I were a popsicle,
what would you do to me?
That's where Peter's got it.
What would you do to me if I were a popsicle?
That's what it says in the card here.
So how's it going?
You're in Popsicle, huh?
Well, first of all, I guess I'd take your wrapper off.
If you know what I mean.
Back when he was clean.
And then I'd grab ahold of your sticks.
If you know what I mean.
And then I'd press you against the counter to your broken two.
Great.
Yeah, man.
I thought that went well.
I think that could be a recurring thing.
Great job, Peter.
Setting it all up.
I hope the listeners liked it, but I thought that when they all played ball, they were
all, they were all, oh my, no we don't.
What is this?
Well.
Is that a personal?
The reason he's supposed to come no he fucking again stood up again. Oh, yes. He had to go to school
Oh My god the Claremont lounge. Yeah, if he's at the Super Bowl, I'm gonna kill him.
Oh, don't play this one yet?
Okay. I'm gonna steal his lunch money.
This son of a bitch.
He's gonna end up on a bill card.
This is the first one.
Oh, this is the first one.
Alright, let's see the apology video from the Rizler.
What's up, Sam and Marcus the Rizler?
I'm sorry we couldn't make it to the show.
He's adorable.
I just want to let you know that you have Max Ora and Max Riz and I hope you have the
best day ever and I'm tired.
And I'm tired.
Max what?
Max Riz and what was the other one?
Max Ora.
His dad's working this kid to the bone.
I know.
No, I'm glad he didn't make it.
This is sweatshop labor.
Poor kid. It's gonna come glad he didn't make it. This is sweatshop labor
Good it's gonna come in like Hannibal Lecter
What's the other video he said should I play that one? Okay?
Just to get the energy to Why That's what he'll be paying attention to. Why do you talk like a pro wrestler?
First you gotta go over my videos.
Just click one and you'll learn how to do the rich face.
You gotta get my merch.
You got the food.
This kid's pitching shit.
His dad's got a gun to his head.
Use this pickup line on your crush.
Use this...
Aww, he's in bed.
This poor kid can't get a minute. Aww, he's in bed.
This poor kid can't get a minute.
Wait, let me think of one.
Aww.
A pick up line?
Put the-
Are you Tennessee?
Because you're the only ten I see.
Oh.
And then the fourth one is you're gonna take her on a date to a very fancy restaurant.
The fifth one...
This kid's a virgin. I might take advice from him.
He's not going to be a virgin long with this dad. Jesus Christ.
That's true.
And give her a bunch of hugs and kisses on Valentine's Day.
And then riz her up.
Riz her up. Put a picture of a gizmo from gremlins next day. It looks just like gizmo. Yeah
Thank you for the message Riz and
We got stood up again. I know. Two Riz stand-ups. That's it. It's for the best. DeRosa text us the other day
DeRosa just us the other day. DeRosa posted a clip of him when he was on
here. He didn't know who he was. And we showed him on the Tonight Show and DeRosa was like,
this show used to have Jack Nicholson. And I guess DeRosa posted that because he, the
ex Mark and I, and he wrote, DeRosa just followed me. He was all excited. That's true. Yeah, he's a git.
He's a busy kid.
He's tired.
I mean, how old is he, you think?
That's gotta be seven or eight.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, he's got a future.
He's got the goods, man.
Oh, yeah.
He's a good star.
Yeah, yeah.
I cannot believe we have two stand-ups with Rizler.
Yeah.
We need a contract next next time Peters. Yes
We just leave a trail of Reese's Pieces. That'll get him in here
Alright well what are you doing? He's done. So let enjoy now Rizzi
He is the perfect he is in his pride. He's in his prime cute. He's hairless the way we talked about Angela
He's chubby
Tomb Raider Angelina Jolie he's in his prime he is a little bit Billy Bob's Gonna fuck him
Watch out for spacey Rizzi
All right, I love that kid. He's a good kid and he doesn't get half these jokes
He was a defensive liability in that goddamn charity game, I'll tell ya. That's true.
He could not guard Allen Houston to save his life.
Woo!
Look at him on eventually and it'll be the weirdest, almost awkward conversation.
It'll be the worst interview we've ever done.
100%.
Cause Mark's gonna make a better Veliaget and he's just gonna look at the camera and
go...
There he is!
At least you met the guy to me, he's like an oracle. I don't know if he's real.
My friend Chase was at that game and he goes, he's not even real. He's like Winnie. You see him and he's like a mythical creature.
He's mythical!
Apparently World Wide West, who's like in the Knicks front office, turned to my friend Chase and he goes, who is that?
And he goes, he's like an internet sensation. He had to explain the Rizzler to the Knicks front office turned to my friend Chase and he goes, who is that? And he goes, he's like an internet sensation. He had to explain the Rizzler to the Nick's front office.
This is why the terrorists hate us, because I mean, we got this kid. They got nothing.
Yeah, well they wish they had the Rizzler. That's true. So do we.
Well, Colin, let us know what you think of the game show. Follow these twinks on whatever the hell, social.
These guys are going to get laid off of this.
I hope so. I mean I feel like that, you know, Cabe and the musician guy, I think they're going to get some sympathy ass out of this.
Yo, 100%. I was shocked she picked three. I mean, nice guy.
Because she wanted the artist, I felt like.
He was tech.
No, I know, but I feel like she wanted, that's why I was shocked too. I felt like she wanted to go with, those two guys were artsy. She said she likes the artist I felt like he was tech no I know but I feel like she wanted that's why I was shocked Too I felt like she oh those two guys were artsy. She said she likes the artists true
Yeah, but he had his head his answers are kind of like anti answers
You know he's like well go to Taco Bell blow me fuck off, and I think she kind of dug that he didn't give a shit
I don't know
Was at the gym, I think she when she heard that I think she was like I'm making my choice number two
Oops, I'm wrong. Yeah number two is the gym with the rock climb. What was it was it about three?
I don't I think he was like I don't give a fuck. I have bad answers on purpose. Oh
Authority yeah, Nicholson in the 70s. Yeah when that little beavers in front of you
Little red beavers in front of you
Opening scene talk about fucking a 14 year old girl and he's the protagonist.
The 70s were a better time.
You hear that Rizzler?
We're getting the Rizzler.
Oh yeah.
I love that this is, we've really fallen off.
Back in the day we were like, we're gonna get Charlie Sheen and now we're like, Rizzler,
come on.
Come on Rizzler.
This show's really falling off a cliff. fallen off back in the day we're like we're gonna get Charlie Sheen and now we're like Rizler come on
it's supposed to be us visiting like a children's ward to entertain them we're
like get this kid in here we need him where the charity case is yeah I feel
horrible he looks exhausted I know he's in bed working most kids are doing their homework. He's doing cameo videos to make
Stand school Riz
If the teachers like you get an F on this test. He's like I was working all night
Yeah, how's it scores? I had to grease palms in a fucking charity gig
Man let's plug some dates. we're good. Yes good idea
When's this come out?
Valentine's. Make sure to get some Boudicca. Man Boudicca is fucking good dude. Very good. I'm not just saying that because I got a little sweet buzz cooking but Oh, yeah. Boudicca is a good fucking whiskey. Damn good quality hooch. Get yourself a bottle folks
It's online, but Canada can't have American booze anymore You see that because of the tariffs really unfortunate. They took the jackdawes off the show make you want to do blackface
It'll be just like
All right, what do you got here we're starting on the ninth let's see Tulsa, Oklahoma
Austin Dallas Houston New Orleans Memphis
Memphis you guys got to pick it up come on Knoxville
can't wait for that theater Nashville Birmingham Atlanta Atlanta is a little slow as well pick
it up there guys Durham New Haven Connecticut in March then we got Providence Portsmouth
added a show there Portland Maine love it there Burlington Vermont Montreal Toronto
Buffalo Albany that's gonna be a fun stretch. And then in April we hit Columbus, Royal Oak, Grand Rapids, Milwaukee, Madison, Des Moines,
Iowa, my first time there, I've never even done the Funny Bone there.
St. Louis, Kansas City, hopefully I see Nikki Glaser in St. Louis, Kansas City, Missouri,
Minneapolis, Phoenix, and then I hit the whole West Coast.
Go to samoroll.com slash shows for tickets.
We got Sacramento, San Diego, SF, Portland, SF Portland Seattle Vancouver we're gonna add some there so that's
gonna be great but I can't wait to see on the road samorail.com slash shows
punchup dot dot live slash Samorail punch up dot live slash mark norman slash
tickets go see mark mark where you gonna be oh yeah I'm gonna be in Reno at the
Atlantis casino two shows Nashville at the Ryman very excited about that
It's a milestone Napa at the Uptown Theatre Santa Barbara Asheville Bristol, Tennessee New Brunswick, New Jersey
Ithaca, New York
Rochester, New York, Portchester, New York Albany
Burlington, Vermont
Wassau
Wassau
Wisconsin Green Bay Eugene,, to name a few.
So come on out, say hello, queef it up,
get some bodega cat, tell your friends.
What do you got, Sally?
Our pal, Chris DiStefano, just announced
he is playing The Garden Arena.
Wow. The big room.
Amazing. Chrissy Garden.
Did he shoot with a basketball player or something?
Shut up.
He's performing on 9-11-25 at the Garden. Wow. The date was available.
No. It's a Gary Beter joke. It's a Gary joke. Our boy Gary Beter got married on 9-eleven.
That's true. Yeah. We were there. Well hopefully. It's a good brand. Yeah hopefully he sells
that out. I bet he will. I mean we love Chrissy D. Go see Krista Stefano at Madison Square
Garden September 11th or the Terrace win guys.
Yes.
Get it out.
What a fucking Valentine's Day.
And maybe this will be a thing.
Who the fuck knows?
Maybe you guys hated it.
We don't know.
Maybe you loved it.
Go home, kiss your lady, kiss your man, kiss your dog.
Kiss the Rizzler.
Yeah, I wish.
All right.
Thanks guys.
Happy Valentine's.
Thank you guys. Happy birthday! So So So
so So So You