We Might Be Drunk - Ep 224: Triumph & Robert Smigel

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey look at that! What are the odds? They got a cool bar in the lobby. I heard it's sick. They don't play music though. Did I just say sick twice? Yeah. Who the fuck do I think I am? I heard it's dope bro! Fucking dweeb. Sorry. Alright, I'm hanging out with a Bieber. I don't know any cool kids. No, my asshole's fine. Well, you're the one saying it. Who's a young kid? Who's cool now? Who's cool?

Starting point is 00:00:33 Like, who's the cool kid reference? Chalamet? I don't know, he's even- He's even 30. I'm talking like- He's about 30. 19-year-old cool dude. We're too old to even know who's cool. Wow. Yeah, I don't know. Let me call Kevin Spacey.

Starting point is 00:00:45 Who's the cool kid? I don't know, Macaulay Culkin? That kid's cool. So then flew to Chicago, did three at the Den, drank all the Den is amazing. Den is sick. Unbelievable. Den is sick, dude. One of the great, hella cool.

Starting point is 00:01:00 Hella cool. No, I taped a special there for a reason. It's great. Yeah, I walked in, I was like, this is a perfect room. You're repping it. That's right. They give me free shit. You give me anything free, I'll wear it. I got a turquoise blue one I wear all the time still. Great fit, great fluff. Then, went to bed, you know, drank all night.

Starting point is 00:01:18 Santino text me, let's get a drink. In Chicago, it's St. Patty's Day. I got a fucking ginger. And he's the drink in Chicago. It's St. Patty's Day. I got a fucking ginger. He's the mayor of Chicago. He's the mayor and he's a, luck of the Irish, Mick Patio. So we hit the town and then we did Adam Ray's thing and then we drank there and then we went to an after party

Starting point is 00:01:36 and drank there. He always is an after party. Always. It was a hell of a night. Any big names show up for Ray? Chevy Chase showed up. That's a big one. And then it was just me and Santino.

Starting point is 00:01:44 So not really. that's pretty good But I don't know if I can say much because I don't know when it comes out But uh Jeremiah did Baron Trump. Oh, yeah, and it was huge. He came out on a bird scooter I mean it was gold slick back hair and I did theirs. He came out in a skateboard as you Yeah, he asked me to do one in Dallas But it was after like a 10-day road stretch And I was like dude. I'm I'm cooked. Yeah these long bus runs by the end. You're just There's just nothing left you guys have a special guest in the studio. Oh really your camera on her special guest. Yes, sir Hello, can you hear me? Hey?

Starting point is 00:02:18 Look at this. It's triumph. It's all comic. Oh, isn't that exciting everyone? Hey, what accent is that? Who cares? Seriously. I've been doing this shit for 30 years. Alright. I know I'm here, I'm here to, you know, because the Jew up my ass isn't quite enough for you guys. Don't let the Elon. He's here to plug a charity event, and as if that should be enough, but no no

Starting point is 00:02:45 We need the dog. We need the 30 year old back from we love the act. Well, we love the dog What was the benefit you we love you? So this is I'm like the bartender We're trying to make you know the network called in and they said they want the show to be more like Andy Cohen's So I'm like the bartender. So the show is just like a Bravo show, only gayer now. Well I'll do some hair of the dog. Hair of the dog. What will it be?

Starting point is 00:03:14 How about Bodega Cat? Yeah! I love it. See, I got the plug in and everything, yes. Nice to see a dog and a cat getting along. Always, you know, but I'll tell you what though. I love cats, but never let a cat give you a hand job. Oh really?

Starting point is 00:03:29 Yeah, trust me. Trust me. What about those beans? Not a good idea. Mark, you, no, but you guys are great. You guys are great. Now I'm getting to the prepared jokes, but you guys are great. Oh, you prepared something. Two great comedians who definitely know which strip club has the best brunch

Starting point is 00:03:51 Here we go now Sam I Don't know. I'm a little worried about Sam. Are you angry at me or is that just your eyebrows how they always look? You've already gone through two cigars. What are you Bill Clinton? Please don't start any fires with your mind until I've left I love Sam. No, seriously Sam Where's the fucking other eyebrow? I got two more eyebrow jokes. Bring it on. Holy shit. Where are they? You're like Kanye I know I'm exactly like Kanye Except oh shit Here's the oh, yes

Starting point is 00:04:24 Yeah Except oh shit. Here's the oh yes. Yeah We finished about the eyebrows that a smooth transition as Sam so seriously Sam Is it true that when you die your eyebrows will float away and find the next worthy host? That was worth the wait wasn't that worth the wait ladies and gentlemen slow brow I love you guys are like if Joe Rogan traded all his money Fame and following for a Jew fro I'm just glad I could be here to make the episode somehow even more Jewish, please Yes, you're so a little ad now for your sponsor the wailing Walmart your sponsor, the Wailing Walmart. Oh my God, who wrote that one?

Starting point is 00:05:05 Jesus Christ. Is there a greeter? Is there a greeter? I thought Sarah Sherman was gonna be on. I had six Sarah Sherman jokes. She bailed on us. She heard it. Hit her with a joke anyway.

Starting point is 00:05:14 Yeah, Sherman. You know, Sarah's like, I love her because she's like an innovator. You know, she's the first sketch comedian who wears her costume offstage. Ah! You see? That's good.

Starting point is 00:05:26 I like it. Usually, she looks, she's a sketch comedian who looks like she's not in a sketch when she's in a sketch. Right. When she's not in a sketch, she, okay, you get the idea. You guys good? Is it weird, let me ask you, is it weird interviewing a ridiculous puppet

Starting point is 00:05:43 who isn't like the mayor? a little political joke there I like it I got a few left over from my appearance on Rosanna Scott oh would you like to hear oh yeah let's do it who's that oh Rosanna I was on good day New York last week these are great Rosanna I said just which one of you wants to play Rosanna? I'll be Rosanna. Okay, ah, Rosanna, what the fuck is with your eyebrows? No, that's a pre-written one, just a coincidence. Rosanna, seriously, Rosanna, it's so great to be on a new show on Fox that isn't just demanding

Starting point is 00:06:19 that we pardon John Wilkes Booth. Rosanna, Rosanna, you're so much better. I love you, Rosanne. You're way better than live with Kelly and Mark. Your show. Do you know how bad the show has to be for Ryan Seacrest to walk away from it? Good point. Kill Don Fox. Seriously, let me plug Night of Too many stars because that's what the Jew is here for it's going to be filled with amazing celebrities absolutely there oh my god well it's gonna be like the Oscars but nobody has to pretend

Starting point is 00:06:58 that they watched Amelia Perez John Stewart Amy Schumer, Adam Sandler, Susie Essman, Alex Edelman, Sam Morin, Sarah Sherman, Sarah Sherman, and then for the sake of diversity, Jim Gaffigan. Lot of Jews, lot of Jews. It's a little awkward, you know, because I have a lot of Jews. We're talking about the show and, you know, Sam is going to be on it. Mark I would have loved to have you on it. Please. I would have done anything to have you on it but you're not good. I kid, I kid. He's great. No, no. Seriously Mark if being, if it was in my hands, you know it's out of my hands. I can't make you funny, isn't it?

Starting point is 00:07:45 If I could, in a second, I'd have you on the show. Thank you. Well, luckily you have a great comic like Drew Barrymore on. So that'll. Ouch. No, she's great. We're on Hollywood Squares together. We're on Hollywood Squares together.

Starting point is 00:08:00 I love working with Drew and I love to see her on Hollywood Squares because it means she's not shooting fever pitch too. Alright you've been a great crowd. Yeah! We're having some poof fun! Killed it! That was awesome.

Starting point is 00:08:15 Oh heads up! Jesus Christ WNBA over here. Man! That was killer. Hey well done you still got it Smigel. Oh my god. It's a night Hey, well done. You still got it, Smigel. So not too many stars. How long everybody? That's gonna be awesome. At the Beacon. I'm pumped. One of the best rooms in the city. I have a great memory from when I did it last time and I

Starting point is 00:08:35 think I closed on a dead baby joke which is probably not the best choice. That was hilarious. But I got off and I remember seeing a look of horror on Steve Buscemi's face And then I looked over and saw a look of horror on Harvey Keitel's face. You managed to horrify Harvey? Yeah Bad lieutenant. I yeah, and then I turned to my left and I just saw Paul Rudd and he was like hell Yeah, I'll say bye Rudd for the record. That might have just been Buscemi's face. I might have yeah Yeah It's a huge event and it's for a great cause. So that's really cool. I don't know. Is it autism? Really? Yeah. No, it's for autism school. Oh, well, thank you for the money. Autism school services, programs and it's, you know, my wife and I started it like 25 years ago

Starting point is 00:09:25 when everybody was just focusing on curing autism and we couldn't get our kid into any kind of school that was helping him because there's such a shortage of schools and then we realized like, Jesus, people who don't have dog puppets have it even harder. So I knew everybody in comedy and I figured, Jesus, I'd be an asshole if I didn't do this here here well and then John so we did one at Roseland mmm and I didn't know John very well I had like Adam and Conan were my friends who were like kind of anchoring it and I had a lot of SNL people on it

Starting point is 00:10:00 but John was on it too and John asked me a questions. He just walked over to me at one point, just wanted to know. He was so curious what, what it was like, what it was like for parents. Uh, and at one point I was telling him, yeah, we're thinking of maybe trying to start a school with other parents, try to raise money. He said, I'll, I'll just, just let me know, I'll host an event for you. And he did, and we were able to start a school. It ended up not being a great place for my son, but it helped a lot of people. And then John just went to Comedy Central,

Starting point is 00:10:36 where he was doing The Daily Show, and said, I wanna have this on Comedy Central. Well, all right. Then it became a regular thing. Hell yeah. Comedy Central. Well, all right. Then it became a regular thing. Hell yeah. Comedy Central went to shit. Yeah. And so now we just do it at the Beacon Live.

Starting point is 00:10:50 Hell yeah, even better. Even better because people get to do standup and not have to worry about burning their act. Yeah, it'll be fun, man. It was fun last time. Yeah. Yeah, it's awesome you do it. Is it?

Starting point is 00:11:02 What are we looking at? Is it a telethon? Can you call in like Jerry Lewis? No, the TV ones, we did have a phone in thing and we would give away weird prizes like a Tina Fey calendar where she posed in a, I can't even remember, we superimposed her body over bizarre things and then like a bikini calendar. And then one year we actually did this for people who donated over the phone, $100 or more we gave them a DVD of the first episode of gave them thrones with color commentary by JB Smoove and Tracy.

Starting point is 00:11:36 Oh that's amazing. That is amazing. Yeah. Great idea. Ever since then I've been wanting them to just do that as a TV show. Yeah. Just their own version of Mystery Science Theater. Do you have to pay them to watch it? Because they got to do that right? You actually have to do it. The creators of Game of Thrones donated the rights to like is that what you mean? No I mean like you have to pay Tracy Morgan like hey can you sit here and watch this for an hour? Oh no he was he's like my old SNL buddy. He did it for free? Of course he did I was about to imitate him but he threw up at the Nikkato. I hope he's like my old SNL buddy. He did it for free. Of course he did I was about to imitate him, but he threw up at the Nick

Starting point is 00:12:07 Hope he's doing great. He had food poisoning. He's fine. Is that right? Yeah That's what they said on the news. Oh good. Okay. He'll be fine I heard he had like a kidney transplant. Oh, he was eating pussy What we're gonna do 10 minutes on it now. Of course, he's gonna sell out from that. Yeah, he's at Conan's Mark Twain Award Sunday night. Is he? Yes he is.

Starting point is 00:12:32 Oh, beautiful. Is he receiving or just doing a... He's gonna be stealing it from Conan. Oh, Conan's doing it, hell yeah. Conan's getting the award, yeah. It's about time. Yeah, he crushed at the Oscars. Killed it!

Starting point is 00:12:44 No, it's really good timing. Cause if anybody had any doubt of how great he was. Did you write on that? Just fucking, I had one idea that I called in. Hell yeah! Can we hear it? It was the section where. Lithgow?

Starting point is 00:12:59 No. The dune worm? No. Ah, that felt like a you. It felt like a me! It could have been, but no. So I had heard that they were struggling with how to handle the LA fires, you know?

Starting point is 00:13:14 And there was a lot of talk going back to January. We gotta address it. So I suggested you have firemen come on, and then they tell incredibly rude Golden Globes style jokes. That's great. Yeah, that was great. That are too offensive for Conan to tell. And that they're protected because they're heroes.

Starting point is 00:13:33 But I didn't write the jokes, but yeah, that was the idea. It's a good idea. Isn't it crazy? L.A. fires, billions of dollars of damage, people lost their homes. It's all right, we've already moved on. We're like on to the next thing. No one cares anymore. We don't live there. Well, I mean, I'm just saying the country feels like it's like, oh, we've already had three fires. The country's attention span is just laughable in general. Yeah, if they had any attention span, global warming would be a huge thing on everybody's mind. Yeah, I guess so. I mean think about, a couple of summers ago, remember when New York just fuckin' had the orange sky? Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:14:08 Remember those great four days? I was out of town for all those days. Oh you were? And whenever something bad happens in New York and I'm out here, I feel like a traitor. But it's like those Canadian wildfires that spread so far that the sky was orange and people were wearing masks again.

Starting point is 00:14:21 Well, that's why we brought the tariffs, because they fuckin'. I thought, oh, finally, finally people are going to give a shit about this, because now it's affecting the East Coast. Sure. Well, you know, who hasn't piped up is Thunberg. She hasn't said a peep about the fires.

Starting point is 00:14:36 She's moved on. What? That was her whole thing was the environment. She would take a tugboat from... You go with the money. The environment is no 2020. No, I don't know. I don't know what to say.

Starting point is 00:14:45 It's like, I thought that would do it. And then I thought maybe the LA wildfires would do it. But they're so brilliant at changing the subject. They made it all about the depleted fire department and the depleted. And one of them was a lesbian, goddammit. All these dumb side issues that just distract you from what's really going on in the world.

Starting point is 00:15:09 This unavoidable fire happens and then everyone's like, the fire chief's a lesbian? Yeah, I know. This is crazy. No wonder. She didn't know how to handle a hose. Global warming, here's the statistics. She's a lesbian.

Starting point is 00:15:21 Now there could have been things I'm sure done better, but yeah, it is hilarious that that's what like, you find shit to get outraged about, right? Yeah, but your point, you're right. Definitely things could have been done better, but what always drives me crazy is that they always turned it into an either or. It can't be both.

Starting point is 00:15:38 God forbid it's like both mental health and gun control. Yeah. It's always like, it's not the guns, it's our mental health problem. We gotta get to the source. By the way, how many people do you think are mentally ill? How many people do you think in this country are mentally ill?

Starting point is 00:15:53 Healthy. It's gotta be 78%. 78% healthy or unhealthy? Unhealthy. Yeah. I mean, we're really getting down to it. But abusing a gun unhealthy that's probably a yeah that's a spectrum. But you're right it's nuance. Nuance is the new n-word. No one

Starting point is 00:16:13 wants to it's all good or bad black or white. And I love saying it. You said you had a great Pacino story before we were on air. Oh, I got a million stories. I could talk about it. You've written on everything. SNL, blah de blah, I'm very old. Very, very old and accomplished. What happened with Pacino? Well, Pacino I got to do, if you Google Dunk-a-chino.

Starting point is 00:16:39 That was you? Yeah. Dunk-a-chino. People don't even know it's from Jack and Jerry. Yeah, yeah. It's from a and Jill. Yeah There are a lot of people who think that Al Pacino literally did a commercial for dunk a cheat The whole movie we never seen this. No, I would stayed away from Jack and Jill. I know I understand it did great in the box office

Starting point is 00:17:06 It's not Al anymore. It's duck dunk.-a-chino? Don't mind if I do! What's my name? Dunk-a-chino! It's a whole new game! Dunk-a-chino! Holy shit! You want creamy goodness? I'm your friend! Say hello to my chocolate glit!

Starting point is 00:17:16 Atta-ga-hoo-a-lucky-light! This whole trial is outta sight! They put me back in with hazelnut too! Caramel swirl, I know it was you. Everyone wants my Dunk-a-Cino. Can't get enough of my Dunk-a-Cino. Kids from 7 to 17-o. Lining up for my Dunk-a-Cino. What's my name? Dunk-a-Cino. I'm Dunk-a-Dunk-a-Dunk-a-Dunk-a-Cino. Yeah. And boom, there you have it. It's actually 32 seconds.

Starting point is 00:17:46 So you're going to lose two seconds. How did you pitch this to Al Pagino? Well, there's a whole movie about, that's the thing. It's not a real commercial. It's a whole movie about Adam Sandler's in the ad. He runs an ad agency and I think to save his job, he needs to make a big splash. So he had, at the same time he has a sister, also played by Adam Sandler. Don't give it away.

Starting point is 00:18:12 Who wants to, well, 2009. I think pretty much everyone's seen this movie. Spoiler alert. No, so he brings his pain in the ass sister to a Laker game and Al Pacino, because he hears that Al Pacino's gonna be there, and then Al Pacino's way more interested in his sister. Ah.

Starting point is 00:18:34 And then there's. But eventually he does the Dunkacino commercial, and then it was just put online, and everybody, a lot of people thought it was just put online and everybody, a lot of people thought it was just a real commercial. But yes, my job on that movie, I didn't write the movie, but I came in to do a rewrite that was mostly just about Al Pacino's part

Starting point is 00:18:56 and then he asked me to work on the set whenever Al Pacino was on set. Oh, hell yeah. So I got to like be you know I don't want to use the term babysitter cuz he's not a baby. He's a brilliant Handler, I don't know what I was I was Al Pacino's he's not a baby, but he's still having babies But I would get calls in the middle of the night Robert It's Al I

Starting point is 00:19:23 Had a thought about the movie. What if my guy dreams of being Don Quixote? What if Al is the part that he's never gotten to play? Is Don Quixote? We'll talk about it tomorrow. I love that he's approaching it like it's dog day or something. Right.

Starting point is 00:19:48 No, but he, well, he's like going for the comedy of it, like that Al Pacino has this dream of playing Don Quixote. Has he ever done a comedy? We actually put that in the movie. It was actually, it turned out to be a funny idea, and he was like the most fun actor I've ever worked with. He would think that this would be like total slumming for him, I'm just doing it for the money,

Starting point is 00:20:09 whatever this shit is, but no, he made Adam and me and another actor, I can't remember who, he would make Adam do script sessions with him where we're gonna read the pot and then we're gonna improvise. We're gonna learn about the character. And we would go to his house and they would go through the lines

Starting point is 00:20:31 and then he would like riff. And then he would lecture us afterward, you see what happened there? You see what happened? We had, I'm sorry for the, you know, let's get Bill Hader in here. The rest of this. We couldn't get him.

Starting point is 00:20:42 No, but he, it was hysterical how how into it he was and how much fun he was and enthusiastic he was about doing this movie and then at one point we had dinner with him and he said it doesn't matter what the movie is you always approach a movie as if you have a chance to win an Oscar haha I don't know about Jack and Jill but yeah that's that Pett dunk Achino that was unreal. I can't believe you did that. What a cool, dude I know it's the guy was like a dream to like just jam every catchphrase. Yes That's worth the ticket price right there at the movie theater. Yeah, it's definitely like a really big thing on on YouTube That's for sure Wow

Starting point is 00:21:22 That's why you want to be a writer writer. So you can make shit like this. He's one of the most fun people I've ever gotten to work with. Who else was on that level of fun who surprised you? Well, that surprised me. I mean, Larry David getting to be on Curb was Yeah. one of the most exciting things I've ever done. My dream.

Starting point is 00:21:41 It didn't surprise me, it was just better than I ever dreamed it would be. Yep. Because they let you improvise and it was an insane part they gave me where I played this mechanic. Oh yeah. I played a mechanic who, oh there he is. That was on the baseball team in Central Park.

Starting point is 00:21:58 Yes. It was like I was a mechanic who ran, who sponsored the softball team and I took it way too seriously. And like literally I get to the set and the director Larry Charles is like, can you give a pregame speech before the scene starts? And so- As Amy Schumer.

Starting point is 00:22:16 Yes, before she was Amy Schumer. Right. And yeah, I got to, I had like 15 minutes to like think in my head what I'm gonna say and then I got to do it. And then I got to do another scene with just Larry where I got to yell at him. Hell yeah.

Starting point is 00:22:35 And make him laugh in the middle of it. It's just a dream. I mean, I love that show so much. Me too. And this is the early, those are the best years. This is actually not, I don't know what's early anymore. This is actually not, this is 2011, the season that he did in New York city. Oh, oh really? Yeah. Yeah. I thought this was one of like season two or something.

Starting point is 00:22:55 This is the season with Bill Buckner. I think. Yes. This is the episode with them. Yeah. Yeah. This is the Bill Buckner episode. The car periscope and the what? The car periscope. And the what? The Car Periscope. What is that? Pull it up. It was one of his inventions. It's in the same? It's in the New York season.

Starting point is 00:23:12 Oh, but it's not in that episode. Do we have any, on YouTube, do we have the speech? Ooh. Oh, Yaris. I didn't know you could act too. Well, that's subjective. Thank you But what's cool about this scene is Larry goes to where he losses virginity in New York City And I walk by there all the time and I go, oh, there's that building Larry David lost Virginia.

Starting point is 00:23:45 So it's fun to see. Is did the real Larry David lose? Yes. Yes. Oh, that's beautiful. Oh yeah. It was in a no ho area. That's a place to lose it.

Starting point is 00:23:58 Back in the forties or whatever that was. So yeah, it was a different time. And I mentioned Susie and Jeff Garland are gonna be on the show. Oh, nice. They're gonna be on the show? Oh nice. They're gonna be on together. Nice.

Starting point is 00:24:09 People are gonna get to bid to interact with them. Oof, interact with Garland, you should pay them. Yikes. Well we're having Susie next to Jeff to make Jeff look normal. All right, all right, that helps. He's a good buffer yeah First be live open for we made it we made it to the big game

Starting point is 00:24:34 Every one of you all give yourselves a clap on the hand I'm so proud of every one of you. I literally giggled in the middle of that. I didn't know what I was going to say. Before I came out today, I think about, I'm like the Steinbrenner. And I think, what would Steinbrenner say right now? He would say, that when you put on this uniform, with my name on it, there is no substitute for winning! No substitute! Or you'll hit the deck!

Starting point is 00:25:06 So we're going to go out there, we're going to play this other team, and this is all up the dome? Wow! With their pussy mustard yellow shit uniforms! We aren't just going to beat them. We will grab them and we will fuck their sisters. Indicator. Are you listening? Bring it in, come on. Fuck these people.

Starting point is 00:25:33 Fuck these people. Fuck these people. Wow. So you really do two voices. That's what you're trying to tell us. You know, it's so funny because we had like every comedian in New York audition for parts. Like there was just one day where Larry Jeff and Larry Charles were just looking at everybody

Starting point is 00:25:52 who was a funny actor in New York and they had me read for a completely different part. And then Larry Charles said, Oh, let him try for Yari. And I just did sort of an Israeli thing. And then I get a call from Jeff later, Jeff Garland and he says Larry loves you and he wants you to play the part but he says just do the triumph voice. Whatever. That's awesome. Wow. Did Larry write for SNL when you were there? He came for one episode. He had written for SNL I you were there? He came for one episode. He had written for SNL, I think, either the year

Starting point is 00:26:28 or two years before I was there, like in the early 80s, when Dick Ebersole was the producer and he was miserable. He got almost nothing on. And that's where the story of the Seinfeld episode about the pretending that he didn't quit after chewing out the boss and just showing up again. And then oddly enough, I'm not gonna say who did this, but there was a writer who ended up working for Larry

Starting point is 00:26:53 who didn't chew out the boss, but he got fired and then still showed up. Whoa. Like the next week and everybody. So he pulled a Larry? He did. But Larry quit. This was before Seinfeld, I think.

Starting point is 00:27:07 Who was it, Schneider? No, I can't say. All right. But he ended up being a very successful writer, but not on Saturday Night Live. But Larry did do one episode, so Jerry Seinfeld hosted SNL in like 1991. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:27:22 And I was there and I wrote a sketch called Stand Up and Win where Jerry is hosting The Game Show. The Game Show with all the other comedians. Yeah. And all the questions are like rhetorical. Like what's the deal with airplane food or whatever? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:39 And then the correct answer is I know! You know? He's a great sport about that. You can do the what's the deal with all day long and he's a great sport about that you can do the deal with all day long and he's never offended yeah and I hear I saw in an interview where he never said what's the deal that's right in his act he never does but it just never said what's the deal yeah I don't know I feel like what's up with this yeah yeah but what's the deal because years ago before this sketch I wrote a sketch with Tom

Starting point is 00:28:03 Hanks and Damon Wayans do this one I've seen it pull that one. This is first For the writers room you just like what's this with this shitty version of a Seinfeld joke exactly I mean, that's like it was inspired more by and probably what's the deal? Cuz that's where I put it in the original Tom Hanks Yeah Was because I had noticed that there were so many Seinfeld knockoffs in the book.

Starting point is 00:28:26 Right, right. And that's really what I was parodying at the time, less than Seinfeld himself. Sure. So that's probably where What's the Deal came, because there were work comedians who- But Jerry found it very funny. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously because he played along in this one. And Sandler and Schneider, who were both working stand-ups at the time

Starting point is 00:28:45 and intimately aware of of hacky hacky oh yeah they both helped me write this nice yeah and and there's Sandler's character after a while he just gives the same answer over and over which is who are the ad wizards who came up with this one? No matter what the question was. Who are the ad wizards? That was a huge trope in standup. Who put this together? I'd love to be in the room when they came up with whatever. Exactly. Or whatever.

Starting point is 00:29:16 Does that really ever sink in that you have millions and millions of people, private jokes are just things that you wrote? Like lines like that were private jokes of me and my friend. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah, I hear people tell me every now and then, yeah, I repeated and it's a line I don't even remember to my friend for years. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:35 Like there's a sketch I wrote where it's at a Greek restaurant and Rob Schneider is the lead guy. They're serving gyros and is it about juice? Like it juice. I have that with my friends. Oh that was huge! That was huge? Yes! Absolutely. It's big on the internet. No we said that in school. Yeah that's so fucking cool. And the bears was that well the bears everybody talked about. In this climate it's just nice to hear someone say they like the Jews. Oh!

Starting point is 00:30:05 Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Like of the Jews? You're not like of the Jews. Ha ha ha! He's just watching us like, well comedians must be insufferable to hang out with. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:17 This is what some people must think it's like to just be hanging out. Now folks, if you're watching, comedians aren't like this at all. They're just really angry and bitter. And they're a blast. Just in their heads, yeah. Somebody made an account

Starting point is 00:30:30 because they do comedians in cars getting coffee and it was like the poor waitresses. And it's a cut of all them trying to be funny with the waitress, you know, fucking Larry David and Will Ferrell and all these people. And the waitress is like, all right, I'm just trying to take your order. Like stop fucking with me.

Starting point is 00:30:44 We're gonna diner. Leave me alone, Louis Black. You guys are fun and like, I'm generally like, I kind of recoil when I'm around too many comedians. I get tense. Like, it feels competitive and stuff. Or angry. There's so many of them that are just so angry

Starting point is 00:31:00 and I just get afraid to hang out with them. Well, the tough thing with the angry comic is they have to stay angry about everything. Yeah. So you're just on stage like, have you seen these fucking socks? And you're like, why are you so mad about the socks? Right, I mean, Louis Black is a candy corn chunk

Starting point is 00:31:15 and you're like, how can he be mad about candy corn? Is this real? And then how do you manufacture that every bit? Although he's like the sweetest guy. I know, he's a great guy. We've met him a lot here. He was so good on this show. Oh, I bet.

Starting point is 00:31:26 Yeah, man, we gotta get him back because he said he'd drink with us the next time. He didn't drink with us last time. Oh, really? But yeah, we... Dropped a hell of an episode. And he would finally stop shaking, I think, if he would. No, he should.

Starting point is 00:31:36 He'd get drunk. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's got that thing. Yeah, right, he's a jiggler. He's a jiggler, is that the term? Yeah. There's a standup term for every type of comedian. The nemesis of the Rizzler. Yeah's a jiggler. He's a jiggler, is that the term? Yeah. There's a standup term for every type of comedian. The nemesis of the Rizzler.

Starting point is 00:31:47 Yeah. The jiggler. That's the way. Stare Sherman's got that funny, well just that, I mean I think she's hysterical on Saturday Night Live. Yeah, she's so funny. She has that very funny kind of body movement

Starting point is 00:32:00 where she's like. Yeah, jerky. Jerky, yeah, yeah, yeah. Beep, pull up a little Sherman jerk. Oh Yeah, don't type that in but yeah, yeah, I like that, you know who had the best jerk was a Jerry Stiller Yeah, it's kind of a halting way of speaking. Oh, yeah killed me Yeah, look at that. Very intentional movements. Where do you buy these clothes? She's jerky. What is that?

Starting point is 00:32:39 It's funny how no matter how alternative or wacky you go, it's not like you're going to be able to get a I'm gonna go to the hospital. What is that? Your dick is swinging around? It's funny how no matter how alternative or wacky you go it still just comes back to stereotypes. You know, with comedy it's like it's too expensive, I'm a Jew, whatever. You can go like this peak level of comedic intelligence.

Starting point is 00:33:00 That's probably the most mainstream thing she does. Yeah, probably We were you at that big SNL thing. Oh, yeah, that was that was like a whole weekend Let's hear it was like a destination wedding or destination bar mitzvah Did you write any of the stuff? No, I pitched a couple of things that didn't get up What do you pay getting shot down at your legend? I'm not I wasn't part of the writing team,

Starting point is 00:33:26 so I was just like calling Steve Higgins and like. Oh, you were just annoying him. What if we do, well there are a couple of things I thought of, and this is what I do. I sit at home, I'm supposed to be rewriting Leo or something. Leo too, with Sam Lundberg. And I hear Conan toasting the Oscars, so I'm like, no, no, no, no.

Starting point is 00:33:44 Anything to not do what I'm supposed to do. So I thought of something for Conan and they used it, but for SNL, well, there are a couple of things. One thing was, I thought it was really funny that Trump and Elon Musk had hosted the show. Oh yeah. And there were so many, you know, that's what they do. They bring back all the hosts, you know,

Starting point is 00:34:02 like, and they're in the audience. There were a lot of people wondering if Trump was gonna be invited or not. I don't know if he was or not, but he obviously wasn't there, but I thought it'd be really funny for, for James Austin Johnson to either sit in the audience, you know, during the show,

Starting point is 00:34:20 and kind of schmooze with Keith Richards, you know, like, or whoever, or some other person who's hosted in the past Keith Richards, you know, like or whoever. Right. Or some other person who's hosted in the past, like, you know, Jeff Goldblum and like, what was it like for you, you know? Yeah. You know, or do a thing where. Love the fly.

Starting point is 00:34:34 Or do, yeah, exactly. Or do a thing where they, like a pre-taped interview, because there've been so many documentaries about SNL, like examine more than World War II. And like where they interview like two previous hosts like Ariana Grande and I don't know, let's say who's a person? Tom Hanks. And Tom Hanks and they're just talking earnestly about,

Starting point is 00:35:00 yeah the first time I was so scared. I walked in there and I, you know. Yeah, yeah. That would be bad scared. I walked in there and I, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be fascinating. And I was like, you know, Lorne Michaels had begged me for years to do the show and I was like, is everybody gonna be as funny as me? I was worried, you know, for people.

Starting point is 00:35:14 Were you there for that episode? I was there for the Trump first episode, not the controversial one. Oh yeah. In 2016 or 2015, but in 25, 2005, he was the host of The Apprentice, and everybody loved him back then. Sure, I watched it.

Starting point is 00:35:30 Yeah, and he hosted, and I actually had a cartoon in the show that required Trump to do a voiceover. So we actually came into the booth and did this voiceover for me, and then the cartoon got cut. Ah. But it was a cartoon, I don't know, there was a little commercial within the cartoon

Starting point is 00:35:47 about the Trump cartoon network and he was going to make the Flintstones live in a luxurious prehistoric high rise. You know, I don't know, it was like redoing every cartoon so that it was luxurious. I don't remember anything else about it. You can't find it, because it was cut. Like the Flintstones house, but he makes it better?

Starting point is 00:36:08 The most luxurious, beautiful caveman. All the other cavemen are scared and intimidated. Was he cool with it? And Popeye now has a, I can't remember. Could he laugh at himself back then? Yeah. Yeah, he could laugh. I mean, he read it.

Starting point is 00:36:25 He did it and he was very polite and, you know. You never see him laugh. No one has footage of him laughing. I've seen him laugh once. Okay. It was on the view. There was a baby in a cage. And no, it was the time, this is a very famous quote.

Starting point is 00:36:43 Pull it up! So he's on the view and he says he's- Is this when they're blowing him? Because they used to love him. Everyone blew him back then. Colbert, everybody. No, he was on The View with Ivanka. Okay.

Starting point is 00:36:56 And they're just being interviewed together, I don't remember why, probably because she was on The Apprentice with him. Ex-wife. And at one point he says, isn't she beautiful? He's always objectifying her right in front of her. Yeah. Can you believe these tits?

Starting point is 00:37:10 They were my daughter. Oh, daughter, sorry. I mean, have you ever seen tits like this? And can you imagine how tight a pussy must be? No, it was never that bad. It was never that bad. But he's, oh yeah, yeah, this is it. He's on the old view. Yeah. He says I'd be dating her if she wasn't my daughter. My daughter

Starting point is 00:37:31 is a track dating her. No, keep going. Oh, no. So right after that, Joy Behar says, what are you, Woody Allen? Something like that. Oh, that's a solid line. Yeah, and Trump laughs his ass off. Oh, we gotta find that.

Starting point is 00:38:00 I gotta see this. Yeah, it's like a longer version of the same clip. Wow. Well, the fact that he laughed at that's probably a good sign. Yeah, it's like a longer version of the same clip. Wow. Well, the fact that he laughed at that's probably a good sign. Yeah. Oh, yeah, true. Yeah, exactly. It's way worse to be insulted by that.

Starting point is 00:38:11 Right, right. Exactly. That's a very good point. Here's a clip where it says, this is his real laugh from a clip from The Apprentice. OK. ["The Apprentice"] Thanks, Larry.

Starting point is 00:38:21 I'll have to go. Eh, that's a chuckle. I need to laugh. Yeah. That's a hee-hee. He laughs his ass off. All right, I'll get off. Ha ha. Ah, that's a chuckle. I need to laugh. Yeah. That's a ha ha. He laughs his ass off. All right, I'll find it. To a day-hars line. We got the, we can do this.

Starting point is 00:38:31 Okay. Then we'll go to Norm on The View. Talk about how clean he is. Oh, that was a funny one. So good. To what? Norm on The View. Norm on The View.

Starting point is 00:38:39 Oh, when he accuses Hillary of murdering. I thought it was a matter of public record. Yeah, people murder. Yeah, everybody knows Damn good. Oh, yeah, I Did a thing once on I was a guest on Seth Meyers and I wanted to do this bit Where I am imitated norm, but it was I don't know They were afraid the audience would find it too dark

Starting point is 00:39:03 It seems to be scrubbed, I cannot find it. Oh, interesting. Yeah, so there's power right there. Yeah. Okay. It's gonna cut off again. That's it, oh, it's gonna cut off? Yeah, it's going 20 seconds.

Starting point is 00:39:16 Yeah, it's not gonna make it. It's not. There you go. Hey! Whoa! See, and he's... That's the hardest thing I've ever seen him laugh. And he gave her props.

Starting point is 00:39:37 He's like, come on, bitch. He can be very personable. That's why he's who he is. Damn. I think he... that was his, I mean that's why he's who he is. Damn, nicely done. I give him credit for like changing politics because I covered. Sure. So when I was doing, in 2016 I did a whole series of political specials as triumph,

Starting point is 00:39:57 covering the primaries first. And so I went to Iowa and New Hampshire and I went to like Ted Cruz and Jeb Bush and they're all doing these, you know, rote kind of speeches. No matter how many times I would see them, they're doing the same prepared shit. And to the point where I did one remote

Starting point is 00:40:20 where I was like going to every Ted Cruz pit stop and by the third one, I was reciting the speech like down to the pauses next to people who were listening as triumph. I'm like literally repeating the speech verbatim as he's saying it. But Trump was like this guy who's just like, how's everybody doing?

Starting point is 00:40:45 And he's just like Regis Philbin. He's literally just your friend. He's like, isn't this great? We're gonna get everybody together. And oh, did I tell you what happened last night? I was with Arnold Palmer and you know, he's got a huge dick, as everyone knows. But and he's just so conversational

Starting point is 00:41:04 and he made the audience feel like they were all in on this movement in a completely different way than all these other guys doing the bullshit, trying to be Obama. We are going together, we will bloody blue. You know, and it makes a huge difference. And I feel like that's had a really positive,

Starting point is 00:41:25 that's the one thing he did that's had a positive impact on politics. I feel like more people are trying to really communicate. Yeah, except Democrats won't go on podcasts. Yeah, what's up with that? Oh, well, whatever happened with that, because then there was like a he said, she said, where Kamala claimed that she did wanna go on the podcast

Starting point is 00:41:44 and Rogan created She went on Call Her Daddy and that's it. No, I know, but she created she was claiming that Rogan created an excuse. Ah, he wanted her, I think. And he said she gave him a lot of parameters. I heard that, but I don't know. Yeah. It came out later.

Starting point is 00:41:59 I don't know if they're just trying to cover their ass. I think so. Yeah, I mean, in general, Trump's just way ahead of the curve in terms of how to break through as a communicator. As an entertainer too. As president, he's basically, I mean, when he was doing rallies when he was president, like almost every week, he would just be doing rallies.

Starting point is 00:42:22 Yeah, it was like a standup act. Like whether Biden, whether you think Biden was successful or not, he was horrible at making the case that things were going well. He was hiding. Yeah. Hiding and yeah, I don't know. Falling off bikes.

Starting point is 00:42:36 It's so confusing. Cause like I saw him be interviewed on Conan's podcast and he was really, he seemed really sharp. Biden? Yeah. He did Conan's pod? He did Conan's pod. How did he do that? Jimmy Kimmel and he was really, he seemed really sharp. Biden? Yeah. He did Conan's pod? He did Conan's pod, he did Jimmy Kimmel

Starting point is 00:42:48 and he was really sharp on that. And I was like, why are people saying he's seen all? This was like the late, late 2023. And then, I don't know, I think he must have declined or something, which is eminently possible. Or he just has bad days. All it takes is a bad day right I mean Yeah, that one debate was was rough. He had a couple bad days. Yeah. Yeah, but most of them were hidden I guess yeah. Yeah, I think so

Starting point is 00:43:16 Someone said that was a genius of Trump's insults is that you'll eventually live up to it. Oh So if he's like sleepy sleepy Biden this, that, and like, there'll be a day where you fuck up and you're sleepy or like you get something or you stumble. People run. Sleepy Joe. Yeah. Eventually Ron DeSantis is like,

Starting point is 00:43:35 I need a fucking sandwich right into my plan. Right. Remember Trump did the marriage ref? Remember that show that Seinfeld did? Tom Papa? Yeah, Trump did that. Who was he on with? Tom Papa was the host. I think Adam Carolla was the marriage ref. Remember that show that Seinfeld did? Tom Papa? Yeah, Trump did that. Who was he on with? Tom Papa was the ho.

Starting point is 00:43:47 I think Adam Carolla was the other guest. And maybe Madonna? Trump and Melania were on? No, no, no, it was like a panel show. Oh, giving advice on marriage? Yes. What you wanna do is get a prenup. Because...

Starting point is 00:44:00 Ha ha ha ha. Your marriage is funny, but I also believe you learn something funny. You're very helpful. People can learn a lot about their own marriage if they watch it again. It's funny, but I also believe you learn something funny. You're very helpful. People can learn a lot about their own marriage when they're watching it. And maybe that's a good thing.

Starting point is 00:44:09 And don't do what I did, whatever that, you know, just listen to my advice and do the opposite. You learn a lot. Did you work with other presidents? Did I? Yeah. I got to do, I wouldn't call it working with more than working at. So in 1995, you know, like when Conan started

Starting point is 00:44:32 or even the whole late night show on NBC, they did this bit where Conan would interview celebrities and it was a photograph and they would cut the lips out and the lips would, oh I would do Bill Clinton and Arnold Schwarzenegger and Trump a couple of times and Bob Dole and everybody basically I did Bill Cosby I did a million people on that show but yes so Bill Clinton was the most popular thing I did in the early 90s and Conan got invited to host the White House Correspondents Dinner and he got to speak. Sorry that's just a text.

Starting point is 00:45:12 Somebody has the Bill Cosby joke. Jack and Jill too. I'll remember that one. So Conan, they wanted Conan to not just speak but interview Bill Clinton in front of Bill Clinton. So it was a pretty trippy experience getting to imitate the president right in the same room, right in front of him. Was Clinton? Yeah. Oh wow.

Starting point is 00:45:39 Maybe on C-SPAN. Oh. Was Clinton laughing? He laughed like a donkey. Really? Yeah, and I don't know if to this day, I don't know if he was being sincere. You can only say that about a white president, by the way.

Starting point is 00:45:51 Sorry? That's true. Yeah, that's true. Back then, I did a lot of black people on the show. Did you? Oh yeah, I did Don King. Oh, hell yeah. Only in America.

Starting point is 00:46:02 I just did the whole thing. It was one of the most popular ones I did. Yeah, is it there now? No, that's just Bill Clinton on. Oh, sk yeah. Only in America. I just did the whole thing. It was one of the most popular ones I did. Well, yeah, is it there now? No, that's just Bill Clinton on. Oh, sorry. That's just a typical Bill Clinton bit. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:13 Is that you? Yeah, yeah. Well, gotta say, sir, you seem pretty, you seem pretty upbeat given what's going on right now. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, I'm upbeat, man. Yeah, nothing gonna bring me down yet. It'ss a very merit cremice to you too sir Monica Lewinsky scandal I guess my favorite president I'd say well what do

Starting point is 00:46:40 you think got a favorite Eisenhower I, Eisenhower. I don't know. I'm a big Lincoln man. Eisenhower's better. He's aged well, Eisenhower. Of course, Lincoln. So Clinton. So I did Clinton in front of Clinton. Yep. And he's laughing like he's hee-hawing. He's and I don't know if he's laughing to show what a good sport he is, or if he was really thought it was funny. Maybe.

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Starting point is 00:49:04 That came out of nowhere. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash drug, all lowercase. And Hillary, you know, angry, a little more serious person than Bill Clinton. That's what I hear. And he made a point not to do any like, um, dick suck jokes, dick suck jokes dick suck joke Jennifer flowers any of that we're gonna do any poon poon dog Poon hound jokes. Yeah, because it was it would be rude to do it in front of his wife. So we didn't do that But what's left? Well, there was you know getting high and oh Saxophone there was yeah There was I mean we made a joke out of the fact

Starting point is 00:49:45 that this was on C-SPAN, so I had Clinton start confessing things, like, I inhaled, yeah. And it's all killing, because he's like, nobody's watching at C-SPAN, it's like a tree in the forest. That's cool that he did it, though. It is, no, but then at one point, I did this joke, and Conan and I debated whether to do it or not, and all it was was like, he's just making more confessions and he's like me and Willie Nelson

Starting point is 00:50:10 got high on the roof of the Kremlin naked. You know and I don't even remember what what the joke was but he's just taking it too far and Hillary just dropped her head. Wow. Oh and Dick Cavett. She did that more maybe he wouldn't have done what he did. And Hillary just dropped her head. Wow. Oh. And Dick Cavett. If she did that more, maybe he wouldn't have done what he did to Monica. Maybe.

Starting point is 00:50:27 So ladies and gentlemen. Jesus. Wish I had said that back then. That would have really brought the room down. Hey Hillary, why aren't you laughing? What the hell? You're dropping your head for the first time. I love Rox a little bit.

Starting point is 00:50:41 Hillary put the whole country at risk. You know what kind of man you have. Weed smoking fornicator. That's right. That was a great bit. Great bit. Brilliant. But he, so Dick Cavett's in the audience, you know who that is. Sure, sure.

Starting point is 00:50:55 The first podcast. Dude, I would say. His old Orson Welles interviews are maybe my favorite. He has all his interviews on that ABC show. He did everybody, Groucho, John Lennon. There's an amazing interview with him, and it's, God, it's Peter Falk, John Cassavetes. Yes, they're all drunk.

Starting point is 00:51:12 And they're all fucking hammered for 45 straight minutes. He just has to roll, and he's such a pro, he's just rolling with them. Who was the third? Ben Guzzara. Ben Guzzara, he was the craziest. Ben Guzzara is the nuttiest. And they're all fucking shit-house.

Starting point is 00:51:24 They're completely gone. And they're not at all charming.'re all nuttiest. Fucking shithouse. Yeah, they're completely gone. And they're not at all charming. They're just like unknowingly. I don't know, to me they were charming because did you ever see the movie Husbands? I didn't see this one. It's an amazing movie. Cassavetes is one of the great filmmakers.

Starting point is 00:51:37 He's great. Falk looks good. Peter Falk, The Inlaws is one of my favorite. I love Pommet Falk. He's still drinking on the right. He's done it all, and it's over? Easy. Would you like to nominate one who speaks?

Starting point is 00:51:55 It's like protect everyone. It's charming at first, but like 30 minutes in, you're like, what the fuck? Yeah. No, to me it was fascinating. This is the television I wanna see where everything goes wrong. Yeah. There's too much television is wanna see where everything goes wrong. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:05 Too much television is like, yeah. Buddened up. That was nice and we all love each other. But by the way, Fallon is doing lipstick, karaoke, whatever, meanwhile these guys come out, they show up in a blackout. Hell yeah. And they air the whole thing.

Starting point is 00:52:19 Basically, it's amazing. There's been a few drunks on Letterman back in the day. Oh, do you remember? Oh, Frisbee and Glover. Oh, pull it up. That was a classic. Who, Barrymore? Yeah, Drew Barrymore. We watched Tarantino on Atlanta where he was fucking bombed.

Starting point is 00:52:33 He was wrecked. We gotta get him on there. But Dick Cavett said to Conan after the Clinton bit, he said, Hillary's face changed from Dr. Jekyll to mr. Hyde and the whole room saw it and we lost the audience oh wow cuz they're taking their cue from president and his wife and Hillary just was like this and and we lost the audience and we had like another two minutes or three minutes to go damn like Jimmy Carter coming in and it was like fuck and we had like another two minutes or three minutes to go. Damn.

Starting point is 00:53:05 We had like Jimmy Carter coming in and it was like, fuck, do we cut bait? What about Chris Farley on C-SPAN? That was a classic. Remember when he did Newt Gingrich? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Looks like Charles Manson. What drugs is he on here? He claimed that he was in character, that he was like, he was making a movie

Starting point is 00:53:26 and he was trying to stay in character. What about Joaquin Phoenix? Remember he had that? Oh, that was brilliant. Was that? He was in character. Oh, Letterman's thing. He was doing that for his documentary.

Starting point is 00:53:38 And then Letterman had the classic line, "'Well, I'm sorry you couldn't make it tonight.'" Oh, solid, solid. This is back when we watched TV. Exactly. Well, I'm sorry you couldn't make it tonight This back we watch TV exactly I feel like when Letterman ended that was the end of watching TV Conan had a run Before that once he was on TBS. He did brilliant stuff, but people don't it was on my face Yeah, people watch it online, which no one watched that show live You know, I stand over there and you'd be lucky if you got one tweet exactly exactly, but We didn't know that at the time

Starting point is 00:54:10 But it turned out that Conan ended up building this amazing online presence, and that's how everybody watches everything now I know nobody stays up to watch any of this shit. No this is live and no one's catching it Wouldn't that be weird who are the people you work with on SNL that were like crazy? Did you work with Elon? I did not work with Elon, but yeah, that was something I pitched. So the Elon Musk thing,

Starting point is 00:54:36 yeah, I wanted to pitch that, and then the other thing I wanted to pitch was a song about Lorne Michaels, because I have this sick desire was a song about Lorne Michaels. Because I have this sick desire going back to when I started at SNL to always poke the bear. Sure, well that's what comedians do. Yeah, so like I mean when I did the SNL cartoons I always started with Lorne Michaels chasing a,

Starting point is 00:55:02 like a little dog came and tore the logo of the show away. Oh yeah. Revealing TV Funhouse and Lorne Michaels chasing a, like a little dog came and tore the logo of the show away. Revealing TV Funhouse and Lorne Michaels cartoon. It's like, come back here with my show. And so I wanted to pitch, and I was one of the first people who impersonated Lorne, me and Dana Carvey. And then it just spread over the years. And now I'm told that everyone at the show

Starting point is 00:55:27 impersonates Lauren. Is there truth to the fact that Mike Myers and Dana Carvey had a falling out because Dr. Evil? Supposedly there was like. Really? Dr. Evil was Lauren. I don't know if it was a real falling out but I think Dana has said in interviews

Starting point is 00:55:41 that he was a little upset that, because the pinky, I remember distinctly Dana Carvey part of his impression of Lauren was Lauren looking at the board imagine these are all just sketches that are you know and he's contemplating the running order he's just like oh Whitney what do you think what do you think right What do you think? Right, right. We move at two, two at three. Yeah. And so I think that was the thing that may have gotten Dana is just that he used the pinky

Starting point is 00:56:13 and never like just called Dana and said something like, hey, I'm gonna use the pinky. I'm doing Lauren. It is crazy if you feel like someone using your pinky. Right. Well, someone kind of takes an impression you do and makes it huge.

Starting point is 00:56:26 I could see that. Yeah. He could have done a different voice and it still would have been, I mean those Austin Powers movies were so amazing. Amazing, so much theater. He was like, The first one especially was incredible.

Starting point is 00:56:37 Yeah. That one's amazing too. It's got great moments for sure. I heard he's difficult. Mike Myers. You know what, he, I mean I've heard I'm difficult at times. It's like people who,

Starting point is 00:56:51 I could see difficult, I could see hated, I could see. Do you get along well with Mike? I actually saw Mike over that weekend, and I don't know if this is, it's very weird. So I go up to Mike at the, over that weekend. And I don't know if this is, it's very weird. So I go up to Mike at this, there was like a, there was like a Friday night thing at Radio City with all the musicians. And then there was a toast to Lorne Michaels

Starting point is 00:57:19 on Saturday night in the Rainbow Room that only the fancy people got invited to. And I got in and I was very flattered that they included me. But I mean I did work there 20 years. And Mike was there and I just looked at him and I said, have you ever thought that you could play Elon Musk on the show?

Starting point is 00:57:37 Like Dana did like a three second impression in December or in November after the election and he shit on it publicly. Oh, pull that up. Mike's was... Then Mike took it again and really flew with it. Mike's was much more broad and Mike looks much more like him.

Starting point is 00:57:54 Yeah. Uh-oh, it's just like Dr. Evil all over again. He's over Dan. No, no. Stop joking. Dana did it reluctantly. Wow. So I don't know if, but there was like a week later. Were you close with Dana Carvey? Literally a week later, he's, Mike is doing,

Starting point is 00:58:09 I'm very close with Dana Carvey, he's one of my best friends. He's funny. We won him on the pod, we're big fans. One of the funniest people on the planet. We had Spade, we gotta get Carvey, man. Oh yeah, Carvey's, I think he's one of the best. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:23 I think he's in a lot of people's top five, if you were to make a top five. I think it's hard to leave's like the best. Oh, yeah He's in a lot of people's top five if you were to make a top five I think it's hard to leave him out of your top five top five each It's hard, right? Make this episode interesting No, you're great man cast cast I would say that Will Ferrell for me is the all-time best. All-time number one.

Starting point is 00:58:48 For me, because if you look at it like a five tool player, like he could be funny as like a regular guy in a sketch. He could do funny impressions, crazy ones, like Robert Goulet and George Bush, he did amazingly. And he could write his own shit. Really? Absolutely, he wrote the fucking. The cheerleader?

Starting point is 00:59:11 Well, I'm sure he co-wrote that, but he wrote the cowbell sketch. Whoa! All by himself. All by himself. There you go, there you go. That's insane. Cleaning up.

Starting point is 00:59:22 Wow. Who else is in your five? Eddie Murphy, obviously. Okay, that's is in your five? That's one. Eddie Murphy, obviously. Okay, that's a two for him. There's nobody, whoever has a list can't leave Eddie Murphy out. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:32 That's, I don't see that. All right, all right. Nobody's carried the show like Eddie Murphy did for the years he was there. Yeah. Save the show, some would say. Some would say. That's true. Some would say. It was tanking in the 80s.

Starting point is 00:59:43 And then it gets, I think after those two, it gets subjective. Like some people would say. That's true. It was banking in the 80s. And then it gets, I think after those two, it gets subjective. Like some people would say Hartman. Oh, Hartman. I don't know how you don't put Hartman in there too. Yeah, but then there's Dan Aykroyd, who's also the same kind of thing. Farley.

Starting point is 00:59:56 And then Farley and Belushi, like which one of those. But then there's like Kristen Wiig. I would put Kristen Wiig. She's amazing. I would make her, I would put her up there with those guys. All right, what do you got? That's very close to Mommy. And Bill Murray I would put up there.

Starting point is 01:00:11 My hero. It's tough for me, yeah. I mean, Feral's so good. And I was like the perfect age for him at that time. Right. All right, I'm going Ellen Cleghorn. How about me? I was like the fourth bears guy.

Starting point is 01:00:25 I'm just saying. Fourth guy in that scale. Molly Shannon's pretty amazing. I love her, dude. I think she's awesome. Yeah. Molly Shannon. I do think Molly.

Starting point is 01:00:34 She's a great dramatic actress too. Yeah. That movie where she had cancer. What's it called again? She was amazing. She's also, she was amazing on The White Lotus. Oh yeah. She's. She rules. And she, people knew she was amazing on The White Lotus. Oh yeah! She's um.

Starting point is 01:00:45 She rules. And she, people knew she was a great actress when she was on the show. I remember people talking about, like she just had a depth to her acting. Yeah. It was beyond sketch. Sure.

Starting point is 01:00:59 We were at a party at Schumer's once and Rachel Feinstein and I were like, oh fuck, we're late for the cellar. We were like, oh god damn it, she's gonna get mad at us, like many years ago. And Molly Shannon just overheard us saying this, and she like sprinted across the street and got us a cab, and I was like, that was like cartoonish,

Starting point is 01:01:15 the way she just, she was sprinting. She's like, she's like, you're gonna make it, and we're like, Molly Shannon. She's hilariously kindhearted. She rules. Yeah, she's the best, I love her. I was like already a fan, I'm like, this is crazy. Damn. She and Sherry O'Terry had an enormous impact on the show. Like they came in together in like 1995 and I was there was like right in the middle of my time there. And I gotta say, like when I was hired, it was like for all the, the cast was entirely,

Starting point is 01:01:46 they looked like they might as well have been, you know, the cast of The Office or something. You know, all white people and dominated by men and the writing was dominated by men. And there was like an inherent like justification, like well, you know, more men are public figures and in politics and whatever. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:08 And there was a perception, I'm sure, among some people that men are funnier. Sure. Then Sherry and Molly come in and they're just writing their own characters and they're murdering. Right. And they were the first two to really do that.

Starting point is 01:02:21 Ah. Just bring in their own, I mean, Gilda Radner probably did it in the 70s. But after that, there were a lot of great women. Tina Fey. That was later. It was like those two just destroyed with Mary Catherine

Starting point is 01:02:37 Gallagher and the cheerleaders. Sherry had like five or six. Because before that women would be in sketches that they wrote, and there was this prejudice like, oh, that's a woman's sketch, it's like sort of tender, and it's about, you know, it's more about, there was this perception that they write the sketches that are softer and just about relationships,

Starting point is 01:03:02 and woman-y things, and then these two come in and do these really big, broad characters that are killing. And the show changed overnight, and it's never been the same. Women are just as, or more important now on the show than men are. Let's not go more.

Starting point is 01:03:19 Well, I think there've been periods, I like that was a period where women kind of dominated. Then Anne Castaier came in and like, you know. know, yeah and Tina and Amy Poehler were the then Tina and Amy Head Writer weekend update. Yeah, so what about those two a lot of crap What were other highlights of that weekend? That just seems so crazy So well first I'll tell you the pitch that I had which was so it was gonna be a song called everybody's got a Lorne That I had pitched to Martin Short and he liked it Everybody's got a Lorne and I pitched to Martin Short and he liked it. Everybody's got a Lorne and then he was going to shove the microphone into all the into the audience and just make celebrities impersonate Lorne. Oh, because he knew that everybody did

Starting point is 01:03:56 a Lorne and we would find funny people to do it whether it's like Emma Stone and then, you know, Charles Barkley. Right. And then we'd get to previous cast members and they would do their Lawrence and then coming back to Marty Short every now and then. And then he'd get to current cast members and they'd be afraid. And they'd be like, I'm Lorne Michaels and I'm a legend. Or whatever.

Starting point is 01:04:19 They'd try to fuck it up and then finally get to a cameraman who's like, please, please, I haven't paid my mortgage off I got a kid he's still got two kids going to college and do your fucking Lauren I think that the show is really cool just desperate what's it like pitching a marden short oh he's not intimidating he's a really nice guy oh cool Canadian and he's also really friendly. It helps that I'm like really old and accomplished. So he's like, Robert Smigel! Ah, I can see that.

Starting point is 01:04:49 You're a genius! He's one of the funniest humans ever. He's never not funny. Dating Meryl Streep. What! Dating Meryl Streep. What the fuck! Dating Meryl Streep.

Starting point is 01:05:01 How the hell did he, I mean, imagine watching Martin Short jizz. Well he did it. Here it is, my semen. With the Ed Grimley voice, can I ask you something? That was very, that was highly stimulating I must say. Take it you whore. Wow. Yeah, that's bananas. Thaten you whore. Wow.

Starting point is 01:05:26 Yeah. That's bananas. That is a cool ass couple. Very cool. Lot of stories. Well, Meryl Streep was on the show. She did a sketch with Kate, I always call her Kate.

Starting point is 01:05:37 Lanchette. Kate Middleton. Middleton. No, Kate McKinnon. McKinnon. Another legendary performer. She's great too. Wow, Merrill must be tiny,

Starting point is 01:05:46 because Martin Shorts what, three foot eight? He's wearing. Heels. Three foot lifts. Okay. Good for him, that's a win. Five eight. Five eight, okay that's average.

Starting point is 01:05:57 Not so bad. What's Merrill? He's the nicest guy. Sweet boy. Yeah, and he's terrible. I know. Who's an asshole. Three amigos. That you had to work with. Who's an asshole? Yeah. Sweet boy. Yeah. And I know who's an amigos that you had to work with. Who's an asshole? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:06 Oh, man. Five six. Uh. Yeah, come on. They weren't that many. Lorne? I gotta say. Michael Che. Michael Che. Come on. He's such a nice guy. He actually was walking around with a jacket that he got everyone to sign like at the end of the show. He's just walking around with this, and he's making people sign it. It was so cute, because you don't think of Che as like a nerd.

Starting point is 01:06:35 But he's a comedy nerd. He is a comedy nerd. He's a great writer too. Oh yeah. Such a funny writer. But you know what was really funny? Paul McCartney was like the last guy to leave Studio 8H. He had closed the show.

Starting point is 01:06:49 He did The End and Golden Slumber, the end of Abbey Road basically. He closed the show with those two songs. Wow. And then everybody piled onto the stage who had anything to do with being there. And I walked down there and then it was just so crowded. I was like, I'm fucking, I'm not gonna go up there.

Starting point is 01:07:08 Do those people get paid? Who? All the performers. I think they have to get paid for just being on the show. But how much money do you give Paul McCartney? The guy's richer than- Oh, I'm sure he got scale. Oh, he got scale, okay.

Starting point is 01:07:20 Yeah, yeah. Who was the drunkest celebrity that you've seen? There we go. Oh, Jesus. You know, the party was such a fucking. Rip Torn. Rip Torn came back from the dead just before. Oh shit, sorry, I didn't know he died.

Starting point is 01:07:32 Yeah, yeah. RIP Tornie. He's very dead. It's been years. Oh, I love Torn. That's a bummer. You were Torn. Not enough to follow his,

Starting point is 01:07:40 his, what'd you say? I said you were Torn. And RIP. rip no he's I didn't see anybody totally hammered I gotta say it was just a crazy zoo there was a party afterward at the Plaza Hotel and they'd like had 15 rooms oh literally you just go and there were like four or five floors. And there were like a thousand people in each one. Five floors of horse.

Starting point is 01:08:11 Yeah. Was there blow? It was a lot. I didn't see anything. Oh, this cast has changed. I didn't see anything. No, it was, and there was a lot of dancing. There was a run room of dance.

Starting point is 01:08:21 I'm not good at parties. You know, loud noises. Come on. You're not the party animal? I know, it's hard to believe. But there were eras when you were there that were probably crazy. Honestly, like when I got there in the late 80s,

Starting point is 01:08:35 we had heard all the stories about the 70s and they were kind of like, you know, what's the term when it's like a teaching moment, kind of like a teaching moment, kind of like a cautionary tale? Mm. You know, Belushi had only died like two or three years before I got there.

Starting point is 01:08:52 And yeah, he hired a bunch of people that were literally like office workers in terms of their personalities. They were hilarious, you know, but it was like Kevin and Dana and Phil. None of these people were wild like that. And then Farley came in. Yeah, he did.

Starting point is 01:09:09 And things started to change a little bit. And then the next year. What do you remember, like how do you remember Farley? Oh, I loved Farley. He's a lot smarter than people gave him credit for. He was treated kinda like. You're worse than Norman, this is crazy. crazy well my phone doesn't ring nobody get the beeping That's the opening riff from I've Just Seen A Face

Starting point is 01:09:35 The Beatles actually wanted to talk to Paul McCartney and pitch him I was like, why don't you do a country album? Yeah, because he's done a couple of amazing country songs That's one of them. I just seen a face and I just wanted him to laugh in my face and say that's a million people who suggested the scourge Whatever, but I didn't get the opportunity Snailers a song Farley Farley. Yeah, he was Robert he was a lot like he was on the Chris Farley show. He loved comedy and he was like,

Starting point is 01:10:07 Robert, remember when you did that joke? Like if I would make a joke that he laughed at, he would just savor it. Like I used to do this thing where I would make fun of when people would make him fall in sketches, because it just seemed kind of hacky after a while. So I was like, what are you gonna do this time, a triple box stop, just giving his different falls names,

Starting point is 01:10:35 and he would just be like, Robert, triple box stop. Robert, that's so great, Robert. I read in that book, Gasping for Airtime, that at one point, Jay Moore's book. I think him and Spade shared an office. They did. Yeah, so one time Spade was like, I've got this book, this limited edition,

Starting point is 01:10:59 whatever book, some crazy book, and he went out of the room and Farley jerked off and jizzed in the pages and closed it then you know Spade had to come back and the book was ruined obviously but I just loved that that reminds me of my childhood. You know how much that book could sell? He had a horrible father. What is this the catch of Mockingbird? You fucking queer. It was the Koran. It was the Koran but I'm just saying you could you can do that back then around you can't do that in an office anymore I just like the what

Starting point is 01:11:29 that's what I want to happen in your car to the Koran anymore you can't fucking woke pussy's going to that voice yeah that's what I want my inappropriate it's an appropriate yeah that's what they would say farley and they'd be right of course but that's what I want. No, it's inappropriate It's inappropriate. Yeah, that's what they would say Farley and they'd be right But and they would talk in that voice, yeah, that's it just every comedian does that voice now when it ever anybody's politically correct They suddenly turn into a match game contestant from 70 Farley, he liked the hookers.

Starting point is 01:12:10 He had a wild, he definitely brought the show back. I've heard Sam say that he would drink and he'd be ready to throw down. Really? He'd get angry when he was drunk sometimes. Oh, that's scary. Yeah, no, there was a darkness, but he was clean for like two and a half years. Wow, really?

Starting point is 01:12:31 On the show? He got fired from the show temporarily. Oh no. When I actually was with him. So I used to do things in Chicago with him, like the super fans, like me and him and George went, we would do these extracurricular bits because it was so big in Chicago. So one time, literally, we went to a soldier field before the Bears

Starting point is 01:13:00 playoff game. And they had us give a pep talk on the 50 yard line before the game started, me, George, and Farley. Wow. Before an actual Bears playoff game. That's how big the characters were at the time. And Farley, but afterward Farley sort of broke off from us and later I heard that he cleaned out his hotel refrigerator. Uh oh.

Starting point is 01:13:29 And he put his hand through a glass window. Oh. Yeah, he was with an old second city friend. Oh boy. Who couldn't control him. And then Lauren heard he was out of control, and he fired him for a few For at least a month or two. Mm-hmm, and it really shook Chris up and he was literally

Starting point is 01:13:55 Cleaned up. He did Tommy boy clean. I'm pretty sure oh Yeah, can I just reiterate my point about the jizzing in the book? Yes. Okay, I wasn't saying My point is I feel like if he did that now he'd be demonized But we can he can do that and still be considered a fun guy. No, I told I was fucking with you All right. All right. I got what you were saying. Okay, just trying to make a joke. Oh, okay. All right Um, I love the jizzing in the book. I'm just sad because and think of how many more books he would have jizzed in You know good points well, you gotta know where you're left off, you know, they cut it Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha lot of dead Jews in there. Wow. You get it? Strong, strong joke. That was fucking solid. The jizz was solid. I'm trying to get us out of the day to tell that joke. That's true. Israel! There you go. What are some other, are there any other memories you look back on? Not a one, no. No? No.

Starting point is 01:15:06 Let's see, let's, well the SNL anniversary, who else was, I got to talk to Billy Crystal, that was exciting. Never met that guy before. Yeah, what'd you talk about? And I met Eddie Murphy. Oh, hey! Hey!

Starting point is 01:15:21 You were burying the lead, what the fuck? Murph Dogg. You never met him? Eddie Murphy, he was at that Lauren Michaels toast. Yeah. And he just walked in my direction. Otherwise I would never have approached him. I would have been terrified. But he's like, I don't remember how the conversation started, but he said hey and I was like.

Starting point is 01:15:42 He knew who you were. That was what was crazy. I was literally like a little kid. I was like, my name is Robert Smigel. I did cartoons on the, I know who you are, you're Robert Smigel. Whoa, that's gotta feel good. It was shocking.

Starting point is 01:15:56 I was just. What'd you talk about? Well, I told him, I just got all SNL nerdy because I am an SNL nerd. And I told him, hey, did you see there's a magazine article where they interviewed all the cast members and asked them what their favorite sketch was of all time on SNL, and the winner was James Brown's

Starting point is 01:16:16 Celebrity Hot Tub Party. Do you know the sketch? I'd pull it up. Oh, now that's, that's. Sacrilege. And I was one of the people who voted for it. I had actually met one of those writers in a really strange circumstance.

Starting point is 01:16:30 The guy, before he was a writer at SNL, he was a segment producer for the Mike Douglas show in Philadelphia. My dad was a guest on that show. My dad was a dentist. Wow. And he was, he was one of the guys who created invented tooth bonding so he was demonstrating Jesus on a person in the audience that we had a little like Douglas show

Starting point is 01:16:56 But anyway, but it's gonna be so hard to be Eddie Murphy What it's almost a cursed life because everybody knows you're the funniest guy ever and now you have to be funny on Command I mean the pressure what if you have a bomb? Well, he can't bomb on on the show and he didn't he was actually in two sketches He didn't okay grazing Tracy Morgan impression on the show. All right, he vomited and then he did another sketch with Will Ferrell The two him and Will Ferrell then number one two, interchangeable. Oh, hell yeah. Working together, it was pretty amazing to watch. I'm gonna watch that.

Starting point is 01:17:28 But I'll tell you one other crazy thing that I did. So I told you about the Lorne Michaels idea I had, and it was shot down very quickly. By Lorne? Yes, I was told by Lorne. What a bad. I don't think he was necessarily offended by it, but he just probably didn't want the attention. Yes. I was told by Laura. I don't think he was necessarily offended by it, but he just probably didn't want the attention. Sure. That,

Starting point is 01:17:49 that level of, uh, yeah, he's already getting a lot of attention. Yeah. All about him on his own show. So, but 25 years ago, I was doing cartoons, uh, on SNL and they were very popular at the time. So they asked me to do an anniversary show for the 25th anniversary. And if you want to pull this up, it's insane. It's on Instagram, it's on Triumph's Instagram page. And I did this cartoon and I just decided to make it all about Lorne Michaels.

Starting point is 01:18:21 And because I just, again, I couldn't help. And he didn't like it? Well, that's the craziest part of it. He panned down, oh there it is, Lauren, see Lauren? Yeah. What'd he say? Well, he had me watch it with him and Paul Simon like an hour before the 25th anniversary.

Starting point is 01:18:42 Here, watch a little of it. You'll get the idea. ["Burn House Theme Song"] This takes me back. Oh yeah. But then in this case. Ooh. Hi, I'm Lorne Mike. ["Burn House Theme Song"]

Starting point is 01:19:00 Ha ha ha. ["Burn House Theme Song"] Thank you. ["Burn House Theme Song"] Ha ha ha. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:19:14 You know, I think it was when John and Danny were coming into their own and Chevy came back to host that the show really had that thing of, are we a hit? Now is our ****. Great. And Jimmy Fallon is hot and that's the show. Thank you. And then he starts, thank you Mike. But that's really not necessary. Thank you Thank you, though. Is that you doing the voice? Yes

Starting point is 01:19:49 We've had a lot of fun tonight as you know Saturday night live isn't just about glitchy guests and fabulous outfits at glamorous parties It's also about merchandising no self-congratulatory celebration would be complete without icing. No self congratulatory celebration would be complete with a new line of SNL anniversary gear you'll be hearing about in loud commercials during the 2am Jay Leno show conehead suppositories. Belldart and his family are anything but regular. But why shouldn't you? Dennis Miller squeeze me doll. And what about the people who transverse the entire Gatsby purchase with their fucking turn signal off? What do you think that clicking sound is, ass face? That was really Miller.

Starting point is 01:20:34 Cheetahs squealers, very, very good orange drink. I was in St. Barts when they approved this one. And if that's not enough, here's a few quick clips from the 45th anniversary show. Oh my God. Available on VHS. We're not worthy. Swing. Still crazy after all these years.

Starting point is 01:20:58 Yeah. And I think it was when Chevy. He's like Howard Hughes. Right. Yes, the SNL anniversary is the talk of the town. Then it goes on into a long, a whole song and dance number where he's deciding who gets to sit where, which celebrity. And he's just dancing around with glee

Starting point is 01:21:17 and putting all the people from Dick Ebersol's years in the back and Eddie Murphy and his cat in the front. But anyway. At least you kept the caption short. That's good news. Yes. So. Holy hell.

Starting point is 01:21:31 I know. Jesus, Rob. I told the story that I'm about to tell you. Oh, okay. It's a good story. So literally. Oh, Wilson Vince. So like, so I submit this script.

Starting point is 01:21:42 Yeah. And one producer tells me that there are two producers under Lauren, one tells me, oh you can't do that part about merchandising and telling the boring story, he's not gonna like that. Then the other producer says, oh no, that part, I really like that part, I think he's not gonna like the part where he sings and dances around

Starting point is 01:21:59 and talks about all the guests. And I was like, what if I, let's do, I'll do it all and then we'll just see. It was like a perfect storm. Where I could just say, well you don't like this and you don't like this, but that means you like the other half. Let's just try it.

Starting point is 01:22:17 So I put it, I'd make the whole cartoon and Lauren hasn't seen it or maybe he has seen it but he and i'm showing it like john i show it to like john lovitz who's who was at the who makes a cameo at the end and paul schaeffer and lorraine newman and they're laughing their asses off uh and then i get a call uh lauren wants you in his office and this is the 25th anniversary show. Everyone's in a fucking tuxedo.

Starting point is 01:22:47 Yeah. And I'm being told I got it. And so I go into his office and it's just him and Paul Simon, nobody else. And you know, Robert, I just, the cartoon, I'm too close to it. I saw it, I just, I can't judge it. I'm too close to it.

Starting point is 01:23:01 So we're just gonna play it for Paul. Oh, no. I'll sign with his best friend. So I'm alone with Lorne Michaels and his best friend and I'm like thinking, oh my God, like if I would ever have told the 14 year old me, yeah. Saw the fucking show and worshiped these two people,

Starting point is 01:23:20 the 25 years later, I would be in a room alone with them before this anniversary show, making them uncomfortable. It's just like crazy. A lot of pressure on Paul Simon here, right? Yeah. Yeah, and Paul Simon of course is stone-faced, you know. He could be very serious. And so we watched the cartoon, including that part

Starting point is 01:23:39 where it's basically like practically a Paul Simon skeleton in a toupee, Yeah. Singing still crazy. And he watches the whole cartoon, dead silent. And then just Lauren turns to Paul. And Paul's just like, well, I didn't think it was very funny, but I did think it was affectionate. And I have no chill. I didn't think it was very funny, but I did think it was affectionate. Oh.

Starting point is 01:24:06 And I have no chill, I have no poker face at all. So I just like, can't hide my relief. I'm just like, thank you. Ha ha ha ha. See, no, and I'm talking way too much. No, that's what I was going for. Because it is affectionate. It's not really meant to be,

Starting point is 01:24:23 and then Warren's just looking at me like, get the fuck out. We get it, we get it, okay? It's in the fucking show. Hey, well you got it in. I got it in, and then, no, and then this is also funny, so then the show happens, and the reason I had written it was because I had worked on the 15th anniversary show,

Starting point is 01:24:43 which was very self-congratulatoryatory it was a lot of people at podiums just introducing clip packages and reading it like you know commemorating some amazing it just felt like I always wanted to be like the 70s SNL where it was all counterculture and and Reb. Yeah. So I get in there and yeah and and and and these guys. So the show, the 25th anniversary show was way better. Like Bill Murray's doing Nick the Lounge Singer and people are doing sketches together. It's much more active and now I'm feeling guilty that I made fun of the show because it's actually really good. And then they have these moments where they show a Chris Farley sketch.

Starting point is 01:25:28 He had just died like a year and a half before. And Phil Hartman had died like a year before. And they have like the cast members introducing a Phil Hartman clip and they're all holding hands. All these guys I worked with. You know, and I'm like in tears at this point. Oh boy. And then I go up to like an area where there's writers,

Starting point is 01:25:50 like Adam McKay and some other guys I worked with. And I was like practically in tears. I'm like, I'm gonna tell Lauren to cut the cartoon. It's just not, this show's great and I don't wanna shit on the show, it's not right. And Adam McKay is like, it's fine, don't worry about it. It's not right and Adam McKay is like it's fine. Don't worry about it It's it's not really mean. It's okay. Ah Just shut shut it off a comedy show ultimately

Starting point is 01:26:13 I'm like as racked as guilt as I felt I just needed one person to say Okay, yeah, no, we'll do it. Yeah, sadly I have that guy in my brain At least you asked another person I go. Well, maybe that a too much and then the other guy in here goes do it No, I just I always need one person to to justify my sick behavior, but man what a career You've got a career. It's all over now. It's all over. It's nice too many stars, baby I went it lasted not in too many stars and Leo Leo too, there's gonna be a sequel to Leo. Is that out? I don't wanna.

Starting point is 01:26:48 Oh God, no. No, but I mean is that. Take three. And Sandler and Burr are back. Sandler and Burr are back. Sandler and Burr are back. Sandler. Lizard and the turtle.

Starting point is 01:26:57 Yeah, an old lizard and an angry turtle. And a jaded, bitter turtle. So Sandler had to put on a whole voice, hi, I'm Leo, and Bill Murray's just like, what the fuck is this? I'm a turtle now, okay, now I'm a turtle. It feels like Bill should be the lizard, and Adam should be the turtle.

Starting point is 01:27:15 Why do you say that? Lizards are angry. Oh, they are? Yeah, the iguana, the Komodo dragon. Oh, those fuckers, yeah. Mark, the movie's already done. That's true, good point. Itguana, the Komodo dragon. Oh, those fuckers. Yeah. Mark, the movie's already done. That's true.

Starting point is 01:27:27 Good point. It worked out, people went with it. No, it's a great movie. It's fun. My five-year-old was like, "'It took me out for a second, "'why isn't Bill the lizard?' But then I went with it.

Starting point is 01:27:39 Robert Smygle, everybody. Robert Smygle! Come on! What are the? Not have too many stars. Not have too many stars. You can buy tickets at notms.org slash, oh shit, I got it wrong. Come on. You can buy tickets at nextforautism.org slash notms.

Starting point is 01:27:59 Sam will be there. Yeah. Jon Stewart's hosting. Sandler's gonna do a set. Wow. It's gonna be amazing. One of the hottest comedians in the world is a surprise guest, I can't say who she is.

Starting point is 01:28:11 Oh! But she's gonna be there. Judy Tanuda. Judy Tanuda's coming back from the dead, along with Rip Torn. Hey, all right, man. Yeah, it's gonna have Amy Schumer and also Chris Rock. Chris Rock's gonna be there. Marcelo Hernandez, Sarah Sherman, please don't destroy. Don't make me follow

Starting point is 01:28:34 Marcelo. Killer, he kills. The ladies love him. Does he do stand-up? No, he's funny, yeah. Oh my god. Murders. Oh, I didn't know that. Funny, funny Cuban. Fuck, I'll have him do stand-up. Oh, you weren't having him do stand-up? I didn't know that. Funny, funny Cuban. Fuck, I'll have him do stand-up. I don't know. Oh, you weren't having him do stand-up? I didn't know he did stand-up. He does great stand-up. Give him 10 minutes. He'll blow the roof off. Oh my God.

Starting point is 01:28:50 Mark, what do you got, man? Where you gonna be? Hey, coming to Nashville, the Ryman Auditorium, then Napa, California, Santa Barbara, Asheville, North Carolina, Bristol, Tennessee, New Brunswick, at the Reykjavik. We're going all over the UK. Reykjavik? London, Birmingham. You guys love ya. Reykjavik was in the going all over the UK. Reykjavik? London, Birmingham. You guys love Reykjavik.

Starting point is 01:29:06 Glasgow. I know, but I'm doing that one first. Oh, okay. And then Belfast, and then we're coming back to Rochester. Ain't that comedy for you? You go to London, you live it up, and you land back in Rochester and get your ass eaten by a fat lady on a rascal.

Starting point is 01:29:20 Burlington, Vermont, Wausau, Wisconsin, Green Bay, Eugene, San Jose, Hyannis, Mass, come out to the Melody Tent, Massachusetts. Auckland, New Zealand. Then we're going to Australia, New Zealand. Melbourne. You better believe it, fatty. Oh, that's a fun one.

Starting point is 01:29:33 Disney, Brisbane. Can't wait. All right, what do you got Sambo? We got Columbus, April 10th, and Royal Oak, Grand Rapids, Milwaukee, Madison, Des Moines, Iowa, Never Been, St. Louis, Missouri, Kansas City, Minneapolis. Then we got Phoenix, San Diego, Sacramento, SF,

Starting point is 01:29:51 Portland, I had a late show on a Monday, don't make me regret it, guys. Seattle, Vancouver, late show, guys, buy tickets to those. Boise, Idaho, Salt Lake City, I believe, is already gone, but that's a small venue. And Denver, Colorado, and more dates coming very soon. Rekuvik, hang on Rekuvik, he's coming. I'm coming.

Starting point is 01:30:11 They got a good funny bone there. Robert Schmeichel, we love you man, you're the best. Go watch his Triumph the Insole comic dogs and videos on YouTube. The Daily Show, I'm on the Daily Show and Triumph. Oh, hell yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. Good to have it back.

Starting point is 01:30:23 And on Hollywood Squares. Oh! back. And on Hollywood Squares. Oh! Triumph is on Hollywood Squares too. Bodega Cat Whiskey, buy a bottle of bodegacatwhiskey.com. We love you, follow us both at punchup.live slash samorail, punchup.live slash marknormand. And buy a bottle guys. It's coming to your town, to your liquor store,

Starting point is 01:30:43 but yeah, and follow that Bodega Cat Whiskey Instagram But let's build that up to impress the the buyers. Yes. Good call We got a lot of fun footage on there, clips, our dates, you name it. So yeah, tell a friend, queef it up. Comedy! See you next week guys. Comedy! For my next offender, a bit of Pivarecki, know the future's close I've had a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming, and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her.

Starting point is 01:31:30 And I get down in the same way. We might be true.

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We Might Be Drunk - Ep 224: Triumph & Robert Smigel

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