We Might Be Drunk - Ep 228: Joe List & Tom Dustin - Portrait of A Comedian

Episode Date: April 21, 2025

Grab tickets to see: "Tom Dustin: Portrait of a Comedian" directed and produced by Joe List, in theaters possibly near you and streaming: https://www.fandango.com/tom-dustin-portrait-of-a-comedian-2025-239683/movie-overview Support the show and get 20% off your 1st Sheath order with code DRUNK at https://www.sheathunderwear.com Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Joe List: https://www.comedianjoelist.com Tom Dustin: https://punchup.live/tomdustindoc Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters  #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #JimGaffigan #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #Comedians #FathertimeBourbon #WhiskyTasting #ScotchWhisky #WhiskyLovers #PodcastEpisode #FunnyPodcast #ComedyFans #PodcastRecommendations #BourbonLovers #DrinkResponsibly #WhiskeyHumor #NYCComedy

Hey, we're here! We might be drunk. We got Tom Dussett and Joe List. He's about to crack open a bodega cat. Fresh off their new movie, which I really enjoyed. I think it's really great. Can you watch it yet or no? So it's coming into the theater. I don't know when this comes up, but it's coming into theaters. It's coming to movie theaters. Unbelievable. Un-literally not believable. We just did Bennington. He's like, this makes no sense. You shouldn't be in the theater.

Well, theaters are in the toilet now, so you can pretty much do anything over there, I imagine. Oh yeah, I'll shit in your mouth if we can get it into a regal. Two boys, one mouth. David Fincher's going straight to Netflix. You're like, I'm going to the theaters. We're taking the theaters back, baby.

So we got some, I sent them to Salak use April 25th the quad cinema here in New York City and the Sunset 5 in Los Angeles, but it's coming everywhere. Look at this Philadelphia Cambridge Massachusetts Atlanta Houston. I can't read that fast It's not on there's it's the best one What? It's the Tropic Cinema in Key West Ayyyyy Ayy, that a baby

So it's coming everywhere Go to TomDustinDoc.com All the info's there You can't get tickets yet But they're coming, cause it's a movie So it's not a, you know, a fucking The Wilbur Theater or whatever There's no link

Not a link yet, Look at that poster. Is that beautiful? I don't know. I've never seen it with that. You look way worse in that picture than you do in real life. Yeah. Oh, give him an hour. I remember when, I don't remember when they took that picture because I was hammered.

But uh. It's a haunting portrait. Well I don't like how my facial here looks like it goes all over my face. That's true, yeah. It looks like I got hairy forehead. You're Teen Wolf. You're Drunk Wolf. Also, by the way, I was like, this poster, this is finally Salakus does some work that

I can really sink my teeth. This is his best work. I didn't take the picture. For six months I told everyone this is Salakus at his best. Some other guy took it. No way, I've been saying that too. I designed it, I didn't take it. Ah, you put letters on a photo.

He put letters over the hair. The guy that took that picture, his name's Tom Flip. He's an artist and whatever. Hey, Flippy. Photographer in Key West. And he prefers Flipper. He does a thing every every five years He takes pictures of everyone in Key West all the locals

Oh, and so that's what that came out of is he does like a big art project where it's every local and oh fun It's pretty cool to see how people age every five sure and he also does a thing called doesn't take many second portraits he does the flip book which is a nude women in Key West locals of any shape size ugliness and My my fiancee Kristen. She's in it. She's last page with her Tits pull it up with that I Don't want to see to pull up someone else's head. She's in the book But her husband's not next to her in the book well, how do we buy the book?

Yeah, we go book. I'll send you I'll send you a car. Thank you well who had the line was it your line about it cuz Someone say what his porn and he was a grinder what the hell he said bring up somebody's tits. Oh god I thought that was Reggie Miller on the right. Oh Can see it? I thought was Pete Davidson. That's who I was thinking of But someone said that like well, this is porn and then they were like no it's art and that was it you yeah Yeah, tell that tell that I think I think basically cuz Kristen sold me sold issue. I got to take these pictures They're a little risque down. I go. I don't care do whatever you want Yeah, and and she goes it's for the you know nice coffee. It's fucking paperback

Paperback does not mean art. You need a hard cover. You need a fucking hard cover, right? Can we get a ruling on that anything non-hot cover is bored? I? Mean it sounds right It sounds yeah, you're not not yeah I mean I mean you're not like a paperback oh yeah I mean it's fancy it's glossy you can flip through it it's like a flip through it yeah like a yeah no there's no hard soft cover Bible no Bible's a Bible you know it's it's hard no this soft Bibles the one of the hotels are soft. I think

Yeah, the Quran is a little floppy or a soft the Torah soft you you open it up. It's like a little scroll. That's true I'm always blown away by people that know about religion like many religions like I was watching Jason Born salmon salmon. How do you say his name? I think you got it, yeah. Salmon. He's hilarious, great bits. But he was doing a long bit about religion, he was doing all the things from every religion. I'm like, you know about the religions? Interesting. He's like, cause in Ramadan is this, and hula hoops are that, and I was like,

what the fuck are you talking about? What are you doing? You're doing research. No, I know, that's what I mean. I'm like, I don't research, so I'm impressed by people that do. Right, right. Do you guys know about that? You research for the bit. I guess if I had a bit I't research so I'm impressed by people that do right right do you guys for the bit?

I guess if I had a bit I would research, but that seems like Yeah, which one is Ramadan is that Muslim yes? Ramadan in worst breakfast ever. No bacon. Nothing. But yeah, so tell the world about you and Tom. Give us the whole history. So we made a movie. I made a movie.

Tom's in it. It's called Tom Dusty, portrait comedian Matt Salacus. He was the cameraman on the damn thing. He grip. What made you want to do this? Well, Tom, I mean, you guys know Tom. Tom is like the best hang, the damn thing. Key grip. What made you want to do this? Well, Tom, I mean, you guys know Tom. Tom is like the best hang,

the funniest guy I've ever met, my best buddy. Hear, hear. And you just want people to get to see what it's like to hang out with Tom, because, you know, he's down in Key West, he's not on the podcast. Everyone knows what it's like to hang out with you guys. Sure.

And it's not- A ton of fun. Great. But Tom, Tom is A ton of fun. Right. But Tom is a laugh a minute. He's a hoot. He's a hoot. And so I just wanted to make a, originally it was just gonna be,

Tom has so many great stories and maybe we'll get to a couple, but he's got so many great stories. And I was like, let me capture Tom telling some stories and doing his job and put together like, just a portrait of Tom being Tom. It was like originally you're thinking it was like a short maybe? I thought it could be a feature so this Matt's ahead of us here he's pulling it up there's a great doc called Italian American by Martin

Scorsese and another one called American Boy. Do you ever watch those movies? I own them yeah. Yeah yeah so basically I was watching this American Boy, which is a fun profile of this guy, Steve Prince, and he's telling stories. And the most famous thing from that movie is he tells the story that's the scene in Pulp Fiction where she gets the heart. No way Tarantino stole it from this documentary. I didn't know that. Wow. You got to stab him three times. He tells all that stuff. It's pretty amazing. A felt pen. Yeah, a fucking black magic marker.

So I was like, well Tom's more interesting than this fucking fella, and they even look similar. I thought I'll go down there, I'll shoot Tom telling some stories, and we shot for three days, and Salakus was asking him some questions, that ended up having great answers, and then it became this much sort of bigger thing, and was very sweet to me so it kind of became about our friendship in a lot of ways.

Yeah, yeah it's a beautiful thing because you guys were tight as kissing cousins and then you moved to NYC, you stayed in Beantown, then eventually you kind of, you went to Key West and you wanted to stay friends and it's a great way to bring it back in. It's funny. We wanted to stay friends. Well, I mean, I've seen you more the last year. If you want to reconnect with a friend. This isn't Charlie Rose, dude.

I'm sorry. If you want to reconnect with a friend, make a movie about him, because now we've got to go around promoting. That's a great point. That's like Pyke. I'm going to make a movie about my father. Ha ha ha. Ghost dad. I think but dude uh yeah I love what you talk

about like you like make Key West kind of a character in this and it's like though it's so you call it like the land of broken toys or something who's a lady said misfit toys yeah I love that so, I wanted Key West to be like a character in the movie, which I think we got. I think we got a lot of great Key West stuff. And so, but there's also, I want to make sure we will realize like Ari said, he's like, this is literally the funniest documentary ever.

Like when you guys came to the theater and saw it, which meant a lot to us, it's a laugh a minute. I mean, there's like a lot of big, big laughs. You got like probably 20. Capturing the Freedman's was pretty funny, but I guess oh Yeah, it was cut that No, Tom does about 15 or 20 minutes worth of stand-up in there Which is killer and then we tell some story and then Tom is just so we're gonna get Tom to talk

I need this I need this to be big because you burned my 20 I need this to be big because you burned my 20 minutes of material in this fucking movie. They didn't even use one of my favorite bits of yours, the you don't shit where you eat bit. That's a great bit. Do the bit. I still do it. I don't know. You're burning 21 minutes now.

The thing about it, it's tip your boss-staff bit. I always used to do it. Which was funny because I worked at comedy clubs and be like, don't do that bit. Because the bar staff would be like, hey, there's already 18% gratuity, don't call attention to it. Oh, wow.

Don't call attention to the tip. Right. But I used to do the bit about Tip Your Boss Staff. I don't know, I worked in a bar in Boston and I forget how the fucking. The bit is you were talking to a woman, one of the waitresses and the manager said hey, don't shit where you eat. I was trying to fuck all the waitresses

and they were like, the manager was like, don't shit where you eat and I was like, I'm not trying to shit where I eat, I would never eat here. Trying't shit where you eat. And I was like, I'm not trying to shit where I eat. I would never eat here. Yeah. I was like, I'm trying to fuck where I steal. Hey, that's great. There it is.

That's great. Folks, for more bits like that, check out Tom Dustin, portrait of a comedian. Now are you guys gonna go to some other theaters and do like a little live thing as well? Well. Too much work. Here's the thing with Tom, the master master of promotion is leaving on a world round round the world trip the day before the fucking movie premieres leaving or deporting I didn't know I didn't know so

no my my fiance Kristen no no you didn't you didn't meet her yet flip oh no you met her at the thing yeah we met her but yeah she her brother is getting married in Vietnam Oh God, so she was like one day. She was like Tom We got to go to Vietnam and I was like I got some old scores to settle How did they land on Vietnam? Well the the white her brother's wife is Vietnamese. Oh Charlie met her online. I was convinced it was a dude yeah but no it turned out she's a wonderful lady and we're going over I even I'm wearing the traditional Vietnamese wedding outfit mmm called an owl die it means

long shirt but yeah we're going over there and I was like I'm not going halfway around the world unless we can keep going I want to go all the way around and tell these flat-earthers to fuck off hell yeah so yeah we we're going Vietnam Thailand Nepal Dubai damn Greece Turkey Portugal. You got that kind of scratch? I mean, that ain't cheap. My fiance's mother is paying for it. Wow, beautiful. But once you folks come to see the movie,

then I'll have that kind of scratch. Well, that money goes back to me. I spent a lot of money on this. Yeah. Did you hear in the hole a little bit? Quite a bit. So. So.

And it keeps being more. It's like owning a bit. Quite a bit. So. Yeah. And it keeps me in more. It's like owning a boat. Everything's like another thousand. We bought a song. And then my- What song? What song do you buy?

Souvenirs by John Prine. Ooh, that was a good pick. One of the greats. Thank you. And Henry Phillips covered it for us. But then my manager, God bless his heart, he's one of the best. He writes to me and goes,

Hey, it looks like the movie's gonna be, the song's gonna be a thousand bucks. And I was like, that's a steal. You gotta be kidding me. That's crazy. And then like six months later, he was like, actually, it's $75,000. $7,500, $7,500.

Oh, all right, all right. But I was like, that sounds more like it. Can you put this on YouTube? I don't know about the great song. Yeah, he's literally saying it's $7,500. Sal, he's like, let's play it. Great instincts. No, it's $7,500. He's like, let's play it. Great instincts. Now it's crazy what certain songs cost.

I'm trying to get some songs I wanted for this movie I'm trying to make and it's like, it'll be like a jazz song. I'm like, oh, that's kind of a cool song. And they're like, yeah, 15 grand. I'm like, no one knows this song. Yeah, I'm helping you out. But then like something like Sony will own it

and they're just like, yeah, it's 15 grand. But you can bargain them down. I think you can bargain. and also we got Henry Phillips, brilliant Henry Phillips to play it and so that made it cheaper to just cover the things and to buy certain rights, whatever. But that's what they say about- Henry's like, that'll be eight grand.

Oh, by the way, Henry and I'm in the hole a ton of money on this and that's without Salacuse or Henry charging me Wow Services oh man. Thank you. How do you make money Salak use? I feel like you're very generous. Yeah, I can't make rent This got dark My wife does okay, oh Yeah, you did that gig the other day. I assisted sallocuse on a photo shoot Sunday I'm a thousand dollars cash. I got a rock. There we go. Yeah. Yeah, gave me 20. Oh

Well, that's the other thing about Sally even when you get paid you pay everyone else out good from your pocket That's true. Yeah, the one who were hot. It was hired. Yeah, you think you'd pick up on that. Oh I had to pull the light for Saliki. He's like, you're going to learn. I'm into photography. Check out Joe List Photography. I dabble. And he's like, come.

Will I learn anything? And he goes, oh, you'll learn. I'll teach you all about the thing. And then he goes, here, hold that lamp. And I'm just holding a fucking light. And then the subject goes, she goes, do you ever get recognized? And I'm like, I guess not.

I'm just standing around holding a light Nobody recognized me. Yeah, it was embarrassing. Well. Yeah, you know you're an intern. I'll get there Yeah, can I say this is uh, this is a good good little Beth. Thank you sir. I'll tell you I'm not a huge Dry whiskey, holy macaroni. I love it Yeah, if you don't mind The size of the thing that sank the Titanic and Well, we got to get that down in your club we'll sell it at the bar

Oh, I'll sell that at the bar as soon as we get a liquor license We have beer and wine only okay We have beer and wine only. Okay. But we can get creative with the, they make wine based vodka and wine based tequila. So you can make a margarita with that. It's just not good. Well, what's going on with Bodega's every, every club I go to, they're like, we can't get it here.

I'm like, I gotta call the question for a guy. Yeah. I think he's honest. I don't know. We're not good businessmen. I want to get this down in Key West we will ship it ship it you'll be in Vietnam but we'll ship yeah so I'm gonna do I'm gonna make some appearances at the events I think I don't know April but starts in New York the quad cinema

April 25th we're doing a full run full run in LA at the Sunset 5 starting the same time but Atlanta Chicago Houston All these places. I'm so retarded with business. Let's say you sell all these out. Yeah, do you make a bunch of money? I think that they the distributor gets the first he's got to make back whatever money And then I start making money who's a distributor. I mean is it like a company. No, it's a guy's a Tuesday Really? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow distribute whatever you want this guy he loves us. Good to know we need a booze distributor. Big fan. So yeah if it keeps up but the hope is people go see it and then it spreads and then more theaters go what's this movie that's a

little engine that could that's the hope and then eventually we're gonna have it on punch up so everybody can see it in London and all that stuff punch up live. Watching the company your own home it's it Up so everybody can see it in London and all that stuff, Punch Up Live. Watching it in the comfort of your own home, it's funny as hell and it's tear-jerker. I mean, we all walked out of there a little wet. We sent me, Salakis Norman, we're in a row watching it. We're like, this is awesome.

Yeah. It's one of those movies, like you laugh, you have moments, you turn to your friends, it has those kind of heavy moments, you know, yeah, it's awesome. Yeah. Mark had a feeling, like I saw him get misty. I've never seen him have a feeling before. I got a boner.

So what were the feels? I was blown away that you were even there because everyone was like, oh, Sam doesn't go to stuff like that. I go to big stuff. I support my friends. And it was incredible that you were there. Like I was like, oh my God.

Oh yeah, but my friend makes a movie, I'm gonna go to it, you know? Well, it is a gamble to get the friends out I'll support my friends and it was incredible that you were there like I was oh my god. Oh, yeah But my friend makes a movie I'm gonna go to it You know well it is a gamble to get the friends out at night because it was showtime right and so if it sucked We'd all hate you guys right you know, but it was great. That's right mark up married in a Tuesday morning 11 Actually did get married on 9-ele. Oh yeah, that's right. He's got a bit about it. That was a fun wedding.

That was fun. Louis Gomez, best man. Hell of a speech. One of the all time speeches. There's something out there. He said that comedians were, quote, in the trenches, and that people that aren't in the trenches don't get it. Add it to a bunch of like like a Long Island family

of like roofers. Vito's grandma had a heart attack. It was rough. Well your sister's wedding will be in the trenches in Vietnam. Is it your sister? It's my fiance's brother. But his fiance is his sister so you're close. Yeah okay okay got it. But yeah the movie I sister, so you're close. OK, OK. Got it. But yeah, the movie, I think people are really going to like it. You have all these people. Some people write to me like, why we want to watch a movie about some guy we never heard of.

And you're like, is that how you watch movies? Yeah, right? So this is just some dude who smokes pot and goes bowling? I never heard of that. Yeah, good point. Not only that, but most docs, a lot of the great ones, like Searching for Sugar Man, that's a great doc. I never heard a hat. Yeah, good point. No, no, no most docs, you know, a lot of the great one like searching for sugar, man That's a great doc. Great guy. Yeah or King of Khan, which is the greatest doc in the history of not I have not seen that the seven five all of I've heard it's I hate that be that you gotta it's it's the best

It's really good. It's like one of the best movies of it Movies that inspired you all you're making this that we were like, oh this is give me even if it's not from the same genre that inspired you while you're making this? That were like, oh, this is giving me, even if it's not from the same genre? Well, the two Scorsese movies, and then we watched the Woodstock doc, we kinda used like a split screen thing. The Woodstock doc.

99? Yeah, the good one. The original Woodstock film, and then, what do you call it, the fucking, oh, I can't remember the name of it. Yeah, what the hell? Yeah, get in there put a little in mind, too What are you at 12 years 12 years? Yeah almost? 12 and a half tastes like an 18. Oh

Just a smooch So that's not Scott we went to Scotland, that's where I got engaged. Is that right? In Scotland, I had it done by, oof. I had it done by a bird of prey. I hired a falconer, and I go, hey, I want one of them giant birds to swoop in on my lady,

and fucking, that's how I'm gonna propose. Holy, that's a risk. I know. It's an interface. That's what happened. What? What happened? So we show up, I call the guy, no that's legit. I call up the guy and I go hey I want one of them giant birds of prey to swoop in on my lady and that's how I'm gonna propose and he goes yeah we can do that. He goes, aye. And, what, what'd you get, RFK? No. Yeah. And then the day we show up, I go, I got the note, cause originally I was like,

do we tie the ring to the Falcon? He was like, no, that's fucking dumb. These things fly away. He goes, he goes, shh. He goes, we'll tie a note to the fucking Falcon. And I go, all right. And I had my friend calligraphy up a note and put a ribbon on it We get all go down to the Falcon joint and the Falcon guy goes hey listen. I'm real. Sorry He goes the Falcons having a bad day

Falcons broke. What do you mean? It's my big day. I'm proposing he goes don't worry. I got you an owl ah my big day I'm proposing he goes don't worry I got you an owl I swear to God I do it as a bit my act but essentially they tie the fucking note to the owl's talon oh aren't they what do you call that only nocturnal nocturnal no this owl was that wide awake yeah that's how I that's how I did it I proposed via bird of prey Wow Swooped in on the lady. It was pretty pretty fun, and it worked. Oh, yeah, she said yes The owl was like who gives a shit? Didn't she initially talk to the owl Yeah, she when when when she pulled the note off the owl the Scottish guy was like he was like oh Kristen it looks like Dougie

That's the owl Dougie brought your present and And Kristen's like I fucking love presents, and she pulled the note off the owl read it out loud She was like Kristen will you marry me wow she looked at the owl and was like where are we gonna live? I really thought the owl was proposed You should have written in a boston accent Man, doggy the owl that's a fun Proposal Because you always got to have something but that yeah What do i do i don't even know what you guys did i did nothing i did it on a beach and Martha's Vineyard That's good yeah i did the whole i got a pee

Can you turn around and keep an eye out and then I fake pissed I got on one knee She turned around and I was there with the ring. That's pretty cool and she cried and all that they pissed on her and then two old Massachusetts people like we're just at the beach on lawn chairs. They went good for you, honey, and it was fun Yeah, I was in just in my sucks but my thing is when you buy the engagement ring you just want to get rid of it I don't want the fucking thing don't be responsible for it anymore totally and so I had it and we were sleeping in this we had roommates at the

time which is also hilarious huh and I just woke up and was like hey do you want here you go? Married yeah, it was terrible, but she was very happy She thought it was sweet our own way And then we want our separate ways because I was going to see Pearl Jam in Central Park and she was going to see Brian Regan at Radio City So we literally got engaged and then I was like alright. I'll see you later damn Yeah, friend of ours a comedian that I know she was proposed to and then it was so bad, the proposal, she made him redo it.

Oh. What'd he do? That's a deal breaker. The dude had proposed to her. He used a pigeon. It was her, the dude and the dude's mother and they were just playing cards. Oh no.

On a card, playing Wist or fucking. Go Fish. Yeah, playing Go Fish and he was like, ah, and she was like, yeah, this isn't gonna do. You're gonna have to fucking make this whole thing. Well my thing was, my wife's a cynical comedian. I could use other adjectives, but everything that's pro, she's like, that sucks, that's

stupid, hot air balloon is gay, Red Sox game is obnoxious. I was going to do hot air balloon. So you did? I was going to. Well, a private hot air balloon ride over Loch Ness in Scotland. But I found out what that cost and I was like, fuck, that's more than the ring. What's the monster? Sure.

But if she said no, you could put your right over. I think that was an old bit of mine. I did the ring. What's the monster? Sure. But if she said no, you could, yeah, put you right over. I think that was an old bit of mine. I did the thing. Remember that about the clip clop? Oh, yeah, I had one of my first bits. The horse. The most popular place to propose is a horse and carriage ride in New York City. But it's awkward. She says no, because then you're just like, that was I was like 19. Yes, I do. Yeah, I taste it. I said you smell shit. Yeah, I think I taste it That's good And then I

Tagged it with like what you want to do it is on the top of a mountain because if she says no you push her Something like that. Oh, but I was you know a Boy, yeah, it's scary propose. I was nervous, but you knew she was gonna say yes I knew she was gonna say yes, but it's more like, do I really wanna do this? It's not like she's gonna say yes or no. It's like, holy shit, this is a huge decision that I'm making right now.

Yeah, it's awkward. And then it's like the old Louie bit, when you're like, oh, I could've, still could get out. Right. Right. Then you have a kid. Right. And you're like, like damn I could have left

yeah but then they break up anyways that's true congratulations by the way thank you sir oh not only I don't think we've tied since you've been what have you been married three years now yeah three years and a kid for two months oh my goodness yeah yeah I'm on no sleep my head is throbbing hmm doesn't have to break it down. But yeah, the sleep, it gets better. Yeah, my kid sleeps well now. He sleeps seven to seven, but I'm still exhausted because then you want to get all your things in. I still want to watch a game and a movie

and have sex and all that stuff. So then you end up staying up late. Yeah, we're night people. I mean, that's like, I know, it's tough. Very tough. We're on a night people. I mean, that's like, I know. It's tough. Very tough. We're on a shift system where I take the baby from like 11 to 5 a.m. and then she tags me out and goes in from 5

and I sleep till like noon. Yeah, it's funky, but it gets easier. You get 11 to 5, 11 p.m. to 5, so you get to sleep. Well, I have to be with the baby, so it wakes up every 10 seconds. So you're not really getting great sleep. That's why you got a baby sleeps like a rock. It's old last night I'm over his house the baby sleep. I'm like Joe should we be whispering? He's like we started fucking like right outside. Yeah, or a baby. I scream when I come oh

I remember we said we sat in the balcony and smoked it was beautiful. Oh, that's nice Yeah, but no he sleeps. He's problems. He's sick every 10 seconds. What the hell is that? Half a bag special needs kid. Thank you cookie every six minutes. It's a little dark. Yeah dark No, it's not take it. It's not ideal for an audio form to this is Wow, that's good. All right That's a thickie to it coming in big what is it a cookie yeah it's a cookie where'd you get the Albanian yeah it's a cookie all right you can eat that whole thing or should I crack this one yeah you better get that all right I'm cracking you sure

you don't want this oh you're fat man no kidding all right a bunch of buddies eating cookies hell Oh, yeah Like back in the day we was we've known Tom. We've known you for a long time Yeah, when do we we probably met you like I think I don't know I can't be sure I thought about this the other day were you living in Astoria with Like so I remember going to Dan Soder's house, and it's somebody there was another comedian living that maybe I'm gonna be a Gonna Dan Soder's house and it's somebody there was another comedian living that maybe I'm gonna be I remember being there with Nate a long time When I first got so as you mean Nate and somebody but we had to be quiet because one of the other roommates was

Maybe was back you own. I think it was probably back you own. Yeah Are you going to a big wedding soon? My back you own is marrying Katie Hannigan. Yeah. Yeah, we had them both down at the Fantastic oh, yeah Good eggs, but yeah those days we all bonded because we were all raging alcoholics Yeah, and it was so nice because you meet people in the wild You know they're like boy you're drinking a lot and I'd meet you guys and we were all blacked out So I was like, all right, I'm home right if you drank less then than you do now. No, it was good. No Drink together that much. I don't think we drank together a ton

But yeah, no, I get fucked up with Mark all the time You got let me come come home the 7 a.m. Sun was up. Yeah go all night Well, we did that one to you me and Hanley went out. I don't know what we must have lost you somewhere along the way we went to the Carolines Christmas party I remember that night. Yeah open bar was that the night which was spin kicked Copy of Phil's picture, it's so exciting wait who is that? That's rich Ross. That's a retouched to Phil Hanley. That's Phil Hanley. He was touched as a kid they retouched him Like refried beans, but I was talking to SD. I'm sorry. I'm all over the place. It's good to see you guys Phil has a new book which I'm so excited about I cracked it open yesterday

But SD I hate people like this she goes it's written you can read it in one sitting I just flew through it one sitting so I thought it was like oh he wrote like a bullshit pamphlet. It's fucking this thick. It's a real book. Oh, really I thought it was gonna be like one sitting. I'm like what are you nuts? I'll take me six months to read this fucking thing. Hey one thing it ain't no paperback Now our cover mofo it is it's beautiful, and she said it's a tear-jerker I didn't realize what I've been poking fun of Hanley for 20 years He too he was getting called a retard like guilty Feel bad we've been calling my retard

Wrote like a like a ransom note Setlist we used to see those setlist back in the day. I was like what the hell is wrong with you turns out It was a serious disorder. Yeah, he has like a horrible Debilitating disorder he almost killed himself. He was sent to specialist. I'm like, the whole time we've been like, look at this idiot. Yeah. Why does he got a Crayola? I threw gum at him once.

Yeah, so good for him. But wait, what were we talking about with the blackout? Carolines? Oh, we went to the Carolines Christmas party and then you, me and Phil Hanley ended up at a diner and I was drinking beers at the diner. Yeah that's right. And then we got the check it was like the classic thing to me it seemed romantic that the Sun was coming up and we're at a diner and we're still drinking it was like swingers you know yeah and then they bring the check and I'm like that's a hundred percent of my

money and then some of your money. Yes. It was like a hundred and eighty five dollar check. Oh my god. And then I was walking home. Because you were at a Times Square diner. Yes. Exactly. And then I was walking home and I bumped into Sarah on her way to work because we were dating at that point. And she's like in her like managerial uniform and I'm like, what are you doing? She's like, I'm going to work.

And she'd been sober for years at that point. Yeah. Was that, was she like put off by that? She wasn't put off, but she wasn't put on. She wasn't pumped. And then I got sober after, because that was the last Christmas party. That was 2012. That's one thing I'll say about my wife, is I will come home legless, falling down, knocking lamps over, smothering the baby, and the next day my wife will be like, man,

you were funny last night, you puked in my lap. You killed the baby, it was hilarious. Yeah, so good on you, sister. Well, you bring home that coin You got a lot of leniency good point. I brought that up The late night diner in New York City like it's not really a thing anymore I know kind of kills me is I was with a friend the other night We were kind of hammered at like 1230. We're walking around the West Village looking for a diner. They're all fucking clothes

I know it's it's heartbreaking. We got like whatever they call them There's like Indian wraps oh But you want to fucking I want to like eggs and yeah, Waverly closes closes early well That's cuz the only times I ever visited you guys in New York the few times we have We always went to the Neptune diner. Yeah every night. That's still there. No. That's gone. What what that is a staple is out. Oh, no wow Yeah, that's like a New York Crown Jewel staple. Oh Bel Air is still there got court square court square is still there, okay? But I didn't know that I think and then if you go to a diner now in Manhattan. Holy shit

It's like comically expensive. It's crazy. It's like you're like $30 for an omelet. It's fucking insane Yeah, but still haven't blue haven't key west. That's a that's the only place you pay $30 for a little price Oh, yeah, that's there too the good fellas diner Oh, that's by the airport right yeah to n-word stole my truck You know that's Bob Gullib what the guy who said that line what Bob Gullib? yeah, he he that's his line and I did a weekend with him once in Reno. And uh.

Was he open with it? Yeah. No, but he said, you know, I improvised that line. It was supposed to be one N word. Oh. That's hilarious. I was like, nice. He was a nice guy.

A fun fact about this scene, it's, they're leaning on a 1963 Impala, but it says 1961. It establishes the year as 61. Fun fact, do you watch those YouTubes? 18 things you didn't know about Goodfellas. I never watch them because- I watch that shit.

I watch them all the time. They used to get me with the fucking thing, the thumbnail, and I put it on, they're like, Ray Liotta is an actor. Yeah, yeah. It's like not a good fact. It's a lot of it's like you knew. It was a real gangster. There's stories about Henry Hill,

they would torture people, he'd put a cheese, they'd shave the head and then put a cheese grater to the head, that's the one where I'm like, oof. What? That's a rough. That feels like Three Stooges-y, you know? That doesn't even seem like a real thing. It's pretty violent, dude.

I mean it's violent, don't get me wrong, I don't want that happening to me, but it seems goofy. Three Stooges-y. You know, that doesn't even seem like a real thing. That's pretty violent, dude. I mean, it's violent, don't get me wrong. I don't want that happening to me, but it seems goofy. Three Stooges is like an eye poke or something, not a fucking, not a scalping. I could see him making pizzas one day, like, moh, mwah, mwah. Yeah. Then they do the cheese grating off the head,

you know, stand riff. Yeah. If you were gonna make a documentary about a comedian, who would you choose? Ooh. Attell. Yes, he's the most mysterious comedian. I was talking about this.

Not many comedians have a mystique and Atel does. He would hate it. You want them to hate it. You don't wanna do a doc on someone who's like, yeah, yeah, come follow me. Yeah, good point. Whoops. No, no, no, I was against it.

I didn't even know what it was about. I didn't know what it was about. No, it seemed like it bothered him, which is good. That's perfect. It's like people who want to be president it's like you don't want them to what you want someone who doesn't want to be bright right cop into this position because Yeah, I just had a guy. I don't want to be political But some guy I was critical of RFK for a moment and then some guy wrote the guy is reluctantly a politician

I'm like well. No one's reluctantly like He was like no. I don't want to run for president He ran for president. He announced he's right. Yeah, he campaigned no Yeah, no one's like accidentally took out expensive ads, right? Yes, he did a Kennedy ad during the Super Bowl. I didn't want to do that cheap Voice when you're gonna do I had to do it last week when I had my sore throat Yeah, I pledge in the video. Yeah, I can crazy. I lost my voice in Nashville. You got to do it last week when I had my sore throat. I pledged you the video. It's fucking crazy. I lost my voice in Nashville.

You gotta hear it. I sound exactly like RFK. It was crazy. It's goofy. Can I just say this is the weirdest timeline ever? Antonio Brown just tweeted this. Okay, we got a Shane Gillis as Trump. Yeah, that's weird.

I mean. He loves Gillis. Oh, he does? Oh, he loves him. Okay. Okay, what's the next one? Oh, that was it This is ginger of the day. That's it I was I just thought that the Shane and Antonio Brown kicks. I thought that was oh, he's a huge no

He's done it before. Oh shit. He was cracker of the day once So is Theo. Oh, yes cracker of the day and ginger of the day. He does the day he does wait. Can you see that? I don't know This playpen. Yeah I'm just saying what he does Okay, he's got an order of the day, too. I think he has a guy Who's in Tony O Brown the receiver the wide receiver? It's got some CTE stuff. I'm saying this is strange Like I guess I don't know if it's interrupt the show strange, but yeah, but there was a lull and very big on Twitter Okay, no low it is weird to see people just completely fall apart on social media though

Yeah, I think like, you know, what's his name Aaron Hernandez? Oh Could have been tweeting crazy shit before he did that. That's true. You know, we just he just murdered people but right I Think more people should tweet on the on their demise like we would if Epstein was tweeting in the cell Yeah, great like I said noose around my neck. Yeah, there's or was there mmm Yeah, a lot of people having breakdowns Really devastating. Yeah good times. I always had one in Key West that time I went cuz I think I drank for yeah six days straight we hit it hard we did the jet ski Yeah, I barely remember that I got pictures of us a fucking hammered on jet. That was like 11 a.m.

It was awesome is Key West a dark place. No, it's wonderful It's a great time whatever you want to be and be gay suck a dick take it up the ass Those are all the same thing Tom Well, we had that in the movie. We had that section with James Patterson. This is funny. So we've played the movie in Boston, Key West, and New York so far. And there's a section where we wanted to talk about,

if there is a dark side to Key West, and James Patterson, brilliant comedian, you guys know him, he talks about the darker side of Key West, and he finds it more depressing and dark. And everyone thought it was funny and interesting in Boston, New York. We played that part in Key West with all the whole island. It was dead silent. You saw people like this.

What the fuck's he talking about? Everyone was like, well, it just hit home. They've got a heroin needle in their arm. They're like, we're not dark here. A little known thing is Key West does have a for the population a huge suicide rate ah But it's not dark It's people light suicide Hawaii has a big one too by the way yeah, yeah

So you good with the bed? This is what it is people move to a place, and they're like oh, this is paradise Yeah, oh my God everything's wonderful And it's Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville playing and steel drums And I'm drinking a margarita, but and and then they realize if I can't be happy here Exactly in power and what people call paradise then I'm not gonna be happy anywhere So right I should probably end it they should move to somewhere shitty. Yeah, yes, you know what a Syracuse They should move to somewhere shitty. Yes! Go to Syracuse.

Yeah! Syracuse has a high suicide rate. Does it? Very high. Thank God. They should go to Key West. Flip and Flop. A suicide exchange program.

Exactly. Hey, that could do a bit. SEP. No, that's got a crazy high suicide rate. Really? Give us some stats here, fatty. Suicide rate in Onondago County. Where's that? Includes Syracuse. That's that rating on a doggo County? Where's that?

That's where the funny bone is That's where it is I believe it funny that funny bones got a darkness Oh, yeah, the vortex there was there was I remember there was a shooting in the mall and my first I was why not here Yeah, why not me come up a few floors? Yeah, ten.3 deaths per 100,000 people damn It's higher than the state's Rate oh, what can't you just leave? I don't get to leave, but it's lower than the national rate. That's pretty good, okay? Wait so 13 of a hundred thousand people kill themselves 13.9. That's pretty high side no us suicide rates is oh Alright never mind

13.9 so one guy like almost kills himself He's like right there, and then he takes the rope off right that's a lot of Let's see Key West. Oh god here. We go. I'm nervous I don't want to ruin the movie really didn't even come close to spelling suicide now you're at soost oh One for every 2500 that's a lot. That's crazy. That's high. The other one was ah That's like way way way higher and a way less population staggering

staggering staggering 27.7 well everybody's staggering there that's Dude, we're beating Syracuse Got him like doubled up. Man. Damn. But a lot of people who move there, as you said, are trying to get away from something.

That's right. Yeah. You know what people say weird shit like, hey, when I first moved down there, how long you been living in Key West? And they go, they don't say I moved down here. They say, I quit the real world in 1991. They say I quit the real world in 1991. Right. I quit the real world is what they say.

Because it is weird. It is weird. My girlfriend calls it adult fan, what do they call it, adult never neverland. Ooh. That's what it is, like you're just going away. That's where Michael Jackson raped children. Ha ha ha ha.

Now he did it at child never never land. That's a beautiful portrait there. One of the most famous people of the whole time. Wow, yeah. Hemingway. Was that in Key West? Did he do it there? No, he didn't kill himself in Key West. He killed himself in Cuba.

In Cuba? All right, Cuba sucks worse. But no, James Patterson, who we were just talking about, he does a killer show called Hemingway in a funny way And it's just an interesting look at the lesser-known things about Ernest Hemingway And he he wrote a research the fuck out of it and wrote a beautiful show It's an hour long and it's really interesting and really funny And I think this week is his last week doing it. Oh, he's gonna kill himself. Yeah

And I think this week is his last week doing it. Oh, he's gonna kill himself. Yeah, he's gonna closer That the Ken Burns Hemingway thing is so good. Oh, I haven't seen that really I really I thought you we talked about it I thought you watched it. It's really it's really good. I'd have been pretending I think I saw he like cats. No, you'd watch it. We talked about yeah, it was a long. It was a years ago I didn't know it was burns. Yeah, oh shit. It was a good one PBS Yeah, yeah, wait. That's the one where they allude to Hemingway being queer No, but he would dress as a woman and well no no he didn't doubt This is what happened and this is in James's show is when he was a boy a young boy his mother would Dress him up as a girl. Oh and called him little dolly Wow

Dress them up as a girl. Oh and called them little dolly Wow, so that's why he went on this rampage of killing everything like being a Killing right you got to overcompensate. Yeah, that's that's what James's show is kind of about. Oh, it's interesting Okay But yeah, yeah, he was uh, that's interesting little dolly Called worse by my mother. Yeah, right? It's warming up outside, so your dick and balls are about to get musty.

That is, unless you have sheath underwear. I bet I'm wearing it right now, let's see. Good bet. Boom! Always. Sheath has two pouches, one for your dick, one for your balls, put in the other. That means nothing's bouncing around down where we're getting sweaty and stuck together.

I mean, you see I'm wearing it already. I guarantee you Norman's wearing it right now. We always are wearing it. I wear it every day. It's the best. You know how a lot of your underwear gets like ripped up like Swiss cheese? Not this shit, dude. This is some good ass underwear. I love it. Once you try Sheath, you're never gonna want to wear anything else. And it also looks good. I get compliments love it. Once you try sheath, you're never going to want to wear anything else. And also looks good. I get compliments about it. They're like, Oh, you look good. And it's definitely not my body. So you know, this is the underwear. Go to sheathunderwear.com and use code DRUNK to get 20% off your first order. Plus sheath underwears 100% money back guarantee. Plus this guy's a veteran guys, and you want to support a veteran? This is the best underwear. You're gonna ever gonna get it's amazing That's sheath underwear comm promo code drunk get sheath underwear support the show support your balls What was I gonna say about the fucking movie a doc something Oh Ken Burns, I don't know does that guy

How does he work this much? He's made like 750 hours with the movies. I know his brother makes movies too Which I think sometimes people squeeze them together and he's got a full head almost We almost had him on the pod and then note I got from the publicist was mark can't fart on him Yeah, yeah, but we were like this I think we still could maybe get him at some point all right I'll hold back in He's promoting something. I think was on like Da Vin him at some point. All right, I'll hold back. But he was promoting something, I think it was on DaVinci or something,

it was a new thing he was doing. But that means he's watched, if he knows about the farting. No, it means the publicist has watched. Right, right. Ah, shit. I don't think he's aware of it. I love the idea that he's like,

I'll do it, but I don't want to be farted. No, he never stops making movies, this guy. He's unbelievable. Yeah, some could be edited. Well, he's, isn't it kinda, cause it's not original footage, he's not shooting a movie. Well, he's isn't it kind of because it's not original footage She's not shooting a movie. It's just a photo. He's taking archives Yeah of stuff and being like, all right, this is what happened, but that's even harder

That's the hardest part of doing the fucking thing. You're gonna find all the stuff shooting is easier. He's definitely got help He's got a lot of help, of course, but still it's a lot of work I've always loved Ken Burns. I talk about this anytime he comes up. He made the baseball doc. And I think the Red Sox were celebrating like 100 years of 99 or whatever. And they had him and he goes, he read a poem or something that he wrote. And he was like, no matter what, the Boston Red Sox will always be the greatest baseball organization ever.

And you're like, well, they have a history of extreme racism and haven't won a championship in 86 years. We're like, I think that could be up for debate. Pretty good. They were the last team to have a black player or manager and haven't won in eight decades. He's like, that number one. Then they beat the Yankees. I bet you after that post that oh shit

But baseball that documentary is amazing. Yeah. Yeah, the Vietnam one was a tad dense I don't think I saw though. Oh, it's awesome. It's good, but whoo. It was heavy. It's really great. You're going there Yeah, I'm going there. Wow. This is amazing. This is Boston's first black player Elijah pump see green in 1959 the the league Got integrated in 47 Yes, tough to win a pennant when you refuse to have a black guy yeah Damn little tricky. I think yaki they had to change the name of the street It was called y Yawkey way, but Tom Yawkey was like a vile racist

So now it's back to Jersey Street. Wait really they changed Yawkey way. Yeah quite a while ago now Yeah, there he has racist face Really, but he's free no born in 1903. What do you want him to do? What's his face was a Ted Williams or no ty-car? Raging racist yeah, they made a movie about it. They did? Tommy Lee Jones. He beat his wife, too.

Yeah, Tommy Lee Jones. Well, Bulger had that great joke. Yeah, there's more than one. There was another comic from Atlanta that had pretty much the same joke about how crazy Ty Cobb's racism was. And basically, the joke was another reporter in 19 whatever 29 wrote an article about how crazy

Ty Cobbs racism was and he's like, do you know how? Races you're gonna be to have a white guy in all another guy another white guy fucking race in 1929 damn I think I'm butchered it No,ered it. Baldr, his joke was something about, there was a quote that said he's racist almost to the point of psychosis. Yeah, yeah. And it was the same thing of like a white guy and like this guy's crazy.

It's quoted on delusional. Right. And it was like, what does that mean? He was like, oh, Tyke, everyone's like, I don't think black people should be in the same swimming pools with white people. And then Ty Cobb's in the corner of the pool like, yeah, they're gonna steal our mermaids.

That's great. Damn, that's great. Well you gotta think, if you're a white player back then and you're super racist, you gotta play your fucking head off because you wanna beat, you wanna show everybody like, hey we're the best. We can have these blacks coming in, look how good I am. Yeah, but those Negro leagues, like they just started letting those stats in for like the Hall of Fame now like recently oh no That's it when those stats get in it's over for the honkies

We should do a black verse white See what happens Depends on what I can take in everybody. Oh good point. Well. We could do swimming Yes, women. I think we'll be okay hockey running. We're in Sammy Sosa play for hockey stuff. He was Dominican I think but have you seen him lady? Oh? Black again, is he yeah, he's back. Oh yeah, he got pretty white there He got white, but I think he's back and he finally admitted he cheated he finally admitted to steroids really nice He is like mama number five over here. over here like a Batman villain on the right now. He looks

It does not look good Wow look at that That's crazy. That is really something steroids make you whiter It's just powder ah powder up good movie That's like to differ. it's not great that's not the theater did you really oh yeah I think I did too well powder came out at the same time as the other one that was just like it phenomenon a nominon that was a theater too yeah yeah yeah I'm Travolta Travolta

oh yes I was thinking of Michael Michael too yeah big spiritual moment in piece of shit. It was a big spiritual moment in movies. I'll see anything in the theater. This, a portrait of a comedian. Well back in the day you went to every movie. I did anyways. I went to a lot. And it was always full. It was great. I saw batteries not included.

That's great. By myself. Wait, was that Johnny Five? No, that was very short. It was made around the same time as all that shit. This was a Spielberg film. Yes! And it was the robots that came and helped the poor people in a fucking house that they were gonna tear down. It was stop motion.

I don't know, it was fucking awesome. Real people. Oh, like this? Those were cute as hell. Wow, that's a fucking blast from the past. I saw that in the theater. Oh, it's great, cause all those people live in like a tenement building in New York. Yeah, they're getting ready to demolish the block, but they don't they don't want to leave and so the Developer is like we're gonna fucking kick you out of here and then robots come in and help them. Yeah

Oh, I can't believe he made ET and then this. Yeah yeah, how could you be over? Yes? No he produced it Oh, he didn't direct this no Marty Robbins directed it. Oh I started the poster Well, it's funny how times have changed now robots are gonna take away from poor people You drive a truck. Well, that's over. Yeah, we can do that. Yeah exactly and the rich people too. It's terrifying You guys terrified Oh Matthew Robbins. Ah, we got do that. Yeah, exactly and the rich people too. It's terrifying you guys terrified Oh Matthew Roberts Ah, we got a little time very little not a lot of time. Well, I was just in those tours now I was just in Tempe and they got the self-driving car. This this sounds like a

Made-up story was so perfect for a movie or I did it in my act the way mo way mo Yeah, so it's like a self-driving lift. And Matt Wayne and I get to Tempe, we get in the car, the lift is all duct taped together. The whole trunk is duct taped. She goes, my trunk doesn't open. I was in a fender bender. I gotta put your suitcases in through the back.

So she has to open the back door and put our suitcases. And I go, what's with the Waymo? They got the robot car. And she goes, I don't know how people trust these with their lives it's insane she literally pulls directly into traffic it's like oh Jesus I'm like yeah it seems crazy to trust these things yeah well what's worse self-driving or woman it's oh yeah I mean if they're gonna replace Asian drivers I'm all for it yeah Waymo I think that's what Tom's wearing to the wedding

Years ago when they first come out with the GPS Directions. Oh, yeah That was bad. I always questioned. Why is it always a lady's voice? Yeah, why is it always a ladies turn left? No lady has ever had fucking good that's a good point, but there's all these studies the psychological This is why the subway is like this men listen not men people hear instructions from Women better information from women better and commands from men better. That's why we're in the subway, it's a lady says the next stop is 42nd Street and then a man comes on and says stand clear of the

closing doors please. Interesting. Yeah so women are we're better at... Because women are like teachers. Right. And men are... Sure. Can I say that? Yeah. Hey, let me get a hit of Bodega Cat. Keep it coming, man. We got 18 bottles back here. Is it Bodega Cat? You got it. Say it again for the people at home. That one's open. I don't want to open a new one. You got another cocktail left in that one. Oh my goodness. This is, I really enjoy your whiskey. Now, do you brew it at home? Yeah, we'd make it in Vietnam

We'll send some to the club for sure, but I don't know we don't get you in trouble there Have any names right on it? Oh, yeah somewhere on there. Yeah, I like to picture Sam and Marcus in a bathtub Oh my god, yeah, I'm bringing this all over the world. Hell yeah Get a bottle take a bottle. It's more than I think it's more than four check the answers No, you check the thing Really I hate checking bad. I'll check either. Oh, I check sometimes now. I never checked into I'm going on a long I'm going like a 10-day stretch. I'll check but other than that. I'm going for 40 days I have a backpack and a duffel Jesus duffel. Yeah

Yeah, I do the check sometimes when I have to and then I'll go to the lounge and burn like 10 minutes And then you come back and the bags waiting for you Well, yeah, also if you rent a car it just takes time I put my opener in the back of the plane, so I gotta stand around waiting for his opener anyways. Well there you go. By the time he gets there. I do that with my wife. I've done that too actually.

Yeah, they don't like it. Yeah, what can you do? What I did once, we flew to London when we did that game show. Oh yeah, that was great. I loved every second of it and I hope they bring it back. We had a great time, a lot of work this show. You hated it.

We went to London, I hated it. But the wife, I brought the wife, but they gave us a first-class ticket, which was not too shabby. Ticket to London, lay down, great meal. So what I would do is eat half the meal and then walk back to the old peasant area and give her half the bowl. Very nice. I was trying to be, you know, equality. That's Pretty good. I did the same, but I just whipped it back there. Oh, just kind of hurled it back at all of them Catch it like a seal No, I had that one time when I was on a flight I was in first class because I bought my ticket first and then Sarah fucking tagged along Yeah, and so she was in the back and then so when I was sitting there there was a big Texas guy

We were heading to Texas. that's where she's from. He was next to me. Yeehaw. And then she got on and I was like, ah, too bad, you didn't work harder. I was busting her balls. The guy was like, well, down in Texas, no man, no gentleman would let his wife sit back there

and they certainly wouldn't make any jokes about it. Jeez. And I was like, wow, that's a good thing I'm not from Texas. Did you ask where his wife was? Good point. He's in fucking period. I'm not from Texas wife was She was in Oklahoma trying to get an abortion

In the overhead, but he talks to her nicely right right yeah He tried to like shame me, and I was like I don't know what to tell you yeah damn Did he talk to him or no no no I try not to Yeah, the plane chit chat is tough. Yeah, that's the one thing I liked about the masks is it was like you could just avoid a conversation. I mean, I hated everything else. Right. But like no one talked to you in those things.

That's true. And I had a, after COVID, I sat next to a woman. I don't want to be too mean here, but she smelled horrific. Like the craziest B.O., a weird milky, soury smell coming off of her, and I had to ask for a mask. So everybody thought I was like a COVID queef on the plane. This is like six months ago, like look at this fucking nerd.

And I'm like, no, no, it's the giant lady. I did that with Hanley once. Phil Hanley and I were on a flight together, and the person sitting next to me smelled like absolute shit. There we go. I just walked over, I was like, hey, do you mind if I, my friend's right here, do you mind if I switch?

And they were like, yeah, sure. The person walks over and they just looked at me like, you motherfucker. Ah. Because they couldn't say shit. They couldn't say shit without being rude. And I told Phil, I'm like, smells really bad. Good move.

It's a good move. That is a shit. It's a dick move, but it was a good move. What's a dick move to smell like ass in public also? I had it yesterday, because I'm not familiar with New York City. I get to the LaGuardia, I get on the bus, which is fine. Oh, yeah.

And then the train to Joe's place. Yep. And there was a fellow, the only seat available, there was a fellow across from me, and he was an older African-American man. Sure. And he had pissed and shit his pants for weeks. Like, same pants, like just, like a whole leg.

Yeah. Clearly he hanged to the right. Sure, sure. Just piss and shit down his fucking, and I'm sitting across and it was nauseating. Of course. But it was the only seat on the thing. You didn't want to stand?

Then finally. He sat on his lap, of course. So eventually somebody over there moved and I go, oh, I'm gonna move seats to get a better smell. Yes. And everyone looked at me like I was an asshole. They were like, why are you moving seats in the middle of the ride?

No one cares. No real New Yorker gives a fuck yeah I don't I don't get it too big You know what you can place is too big in that situation you wait for the pregnant woman to come and you go ma'am Got a seat right here for you. I'm a gentleman Well you want that stuff they have in sounds of the lamp when they work with the dead body if we put like a little hitler Mustache with the thing that's good. What's that? What's that called? What is it? It's Belling's. Oh when he goes I can smell your cunt. No Just something about that movie that gene Hackman was originally supposed to direct that What yeah, and his daughter talked him out of it

She's like really dark you shouldn't do it And that's why Jonathan down like it's hard to picture someone crushing it like Jonathan yeah it's such a good movie bless his eyes I think basically didn't he just die in a weird thing yes you think with his wife yeah I had just a long game people sometimes plays methylated mentholated product took like Vicks or stink bomb who I like that stink bomb I had like that stink bomb Yeah, that they should get more that you know that you ever done the smelling salts yeah that shit hurts I hate it. Oh, I hate it never done. Oh well like it's hell why hurt I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know she was to put it like down here

I yeah Rogan's green room, and I just put it like right here I was like yeah fuck and he and he's just like shaking me. I'm like am I dying. He's like I'm like I'm the fucking this is like a Jew in that green room Right like God damn it well Ari has to hold it over here That art park come into play at all why you get smelling salt get you jacked up You got to be then Austin you got to be jacked up to do comedy you got that right? I was just hating you're on the road that many days, I'm like I've never tried it, I'll try it once,

and then I was like I'm never doing this shit. It works. I had a hangover, I hit that shit, I was cool as a cucumber. What happened to cocaine? That's a round, that's scary. Yeah, that's a lot. But it's just another form of discomfort.

It's like when you're like a jam pinky, and then you fuck up your toe, you're like ah this is the focus yeah I don't know if it's curing it or you're just annoyed with something else Sure, I feel about drinking caffeine people like you tired have a cup of coffee. I'll have caffeine I'm still sleepy, but I'm jittery and sleepy right now. I'm still tired, but I'm doing this Yeah, I would think coffee's gonna like cure depression when I'm feeling low and then I have like five of them And I'm still tired, but I'm doing this. Yeah, I always think coffee's gonna like cure depression when I'm feeling low. And then I have like five of them and I'm just anxious.

Yeah, exactly. And depressed. Yeah, I'm just like, oh fuck. Well, they say coffee doesn't make you energetic. It just makes the tired feeling, you don't feel it. So it actually doesn't give you any energy. It just blocks that feeling of tiredness for a second. But the problem, it's like the mafia coffee.

Cause once you get in in you can't get out Yeah, and that's the problem like I don't even want to if you're gay. They'll kill you yeah That would be a good coffee product Gay coffee there you go What the hell is this? Hey mafia guy well done. Oh, man. I gotta tell a quick story Please about Steve Sharipa because this is all because he's coming on the pod and I was texting with him and he was like no other Sopranos people and I was like that's fine

We could be just you and he's like call me and I was like alright And he goes you're booking any other Sopranos people like no and he's whoa no setups And I was like this isn't the Sopranos dude. Oh, it's baklava baklava Yeah, but what the fuck? Geez what's that about he wants to be the main star no? I think he's just like I think he's probably just done a ton of shit with them And he just wants to do his own thing I get that and also But I just like the idea that he thought I was gonna set him up right right

I think it's kind of like you is he though he he's not the one that turned out gay on no no Vito That's Vito. That's a crazy storyline But I think it's like you call Andrew Santino and he goes, No, Bobby Lee. Like, I don't want to always be associated. I don't know, but he wouldn't say that. Do you have any movie recs list? I haven't been watching too much. We just watched Leave the World Behind.

Did you watch that one? The Netflix? Yeah. Really comes apart. For like 45 minutes I was like, this movie is chilling and fucking cool as hell, and then it falls apart produced by Obama Weird oh yeah, both Obama's is shell and very strange. What have I been seeing I saw we saw the new Woody Harrelson And he's underwater movie. I heard it was all Kristen wants to see that. It's all right. It's not great Deep breath deep breath last breath last breath last breath mmm last kiss Yeah, we saw that true story though right about the guys down in that's right Yeah, they try to reattach the thing and drag them up

Well not gonna work out I was bummed out cuz it's based on a documentary if I knew that I would have just watched the goddamn documentary It's like the Bob Dylan movie. I don't know what else I've done. Yeah, I don't know what else I've seen oh yeah a little later Did you see the movie no Chalamet is good. I like them. I thought it was good. He's good at it. He was pissing and win that Oscar You could tell he's a young guy. He's gonna be all right. He'll be back. He's like damn, Reno. He'll be back money opportunities M He's like damn, Moreno. He'll be back plenty opportunities him come alone

You're a weird guy ace the mailman. I'm reading that Phil Jackson book. I'm loving it. I'm gonna pick it up I'm ripping through it. I got I just read the Facebook. It's called What's it called? Uh, Metta? No, no the new social network careless people It's like everyone's talking about this book because she's not even allowed to promote it because they're suing her. Whoa Yeah, but it's like crazy's talking about this book and she's not even allowed to promote it because they're suing her whoa yeah but it's like crazy stories about Zuckerberg and Cheryl it's fucking crazy that'll help help numbers if you get in sue that'll make it some but I know you can't do any press but everyone's fucking talking about this book and it is great it is funny this thing I realized about these super famous or super powerful like

people who just control everything whenever they do like a board game on their private jet or any game, they just, everyone just throws the game. Oh wow. And they don't realize it. Why? Because the same thing with Summoner Redstone, all these like big powerful like, you know, because I think they're just terrified of them.

And these people all can't accept losing. They don't understand losing because their life is all winning. Right. So when they lose, they're just like, wait, what? No's and this one woman like told like no one let him win and Mark Zuckerberg's like What are you talking about? They don't let me like he didn't realize that everyone lets him win every no kidding I'm for Louie. We played tennis. I fucking dominated Think about like these bow

I was like, suck my dick. That was old as fat. You can't think about these power brahmen. It's just gonna be like, alright, we're on the private chat. Let's bust out the monopoly. Yeah. That's a weird game to... You'd think they'd look at Facebook. You know?

Any game, yeah. But it's interesting as hell. It's really good. You gotta play left, right, center. Because there's no skill or talent. Never played that. Oh my god. No no you must have played I don't think I don't think I played it either. What is that? That was a $3.00 auntie so you might put

Gambling it's that you never played it ha The world the ha what the what go bananas we said lol Maybe it was a one you want was play booking remember LOL LOL it took over We were all playing there It's you you roll dice and you put three start with three dollars in front of you And it is a L die which means you pass a dollar to the left Oh, there's a center die if you get that you put it in the center. That's out of play now Okay, there's a right one you pass your dollar to the right and there's a dot and that means you keep your dollar

Eventually only one person has a dollar left Oh, they win all the money so how long give to play before it takes a while It's the only game that you like I really want to be surrounded by dots That cricket but right Cricket but Also You'd never out of the game because you think like I have no money left But some if you'd roll you get a right a dollar goes to him you roll a right it goes

We gotta play it. We do around I brought left right center, but it's in my bag Epic we were playing at I tried to get it your bachelor party Ari, and I went on like a fucking epic What do you call that run run? Beer run quest quest left right so we couldn't find it But we used to play in the green room at lol when Lewis's girl was booking it and there'd be like nine of us Everyone's screaming. It's the it's the most I I totally forgot about Beatrice. Fucking time flies, man. Oh yeah. Those were crazy days, LOL days.

It was during December, it was the best club in the city. That's true. January, it was the worst place on earth. I did New Year's Day once. That was probably the worst New Year's in my life. What? No. I had nothing booked.

I was like, I wanna work. And yeah, I want it to fucking kill myself. Oh wow. Oh, that like hurt my heart, Sam. Yeah. It was a bad New Year's. That is a better suicide rate than Syracuse. New Year's and LOL.

Do you still work New Year's? Usually not. I haven't worked, I don't like performing for gigs that are just like people are out for the night and not for the show. It's babysitting. Yeah. When you said you'd quit, I quit.

Yeah, I said for... I had to think about it, but I don't think I've done it the last couple years. For years, I would say, I remember being at Caroline's with you saying, my goal in comedy is to no longer work New Year's Eve. Yeah. And I did, the last one I ever did was Grand Rapids.

I did that one. Dr. Grins? Dr. Grins. And it was a fucking, it wasn't even a knife fight, it was a gun and sword fight all in the same building Yeah, and I said I'm like that's it. I'm done. I'm working three shows Saturday We did too many clubs that were three shows Saturdays and the green room in the winter would be like 25 degrees Yeah, you got to get like a fucking space heater or something. I'm dying in here. I know yeah that I did that same year That's already a boozy show

That's a busy show in May. Yeah, you know let alone new year Oh, they're fucking booze bags in that city it the building It's in the big old building the Bob is literally like a drinking center. You know they have like a bar on every floor There's a wedding on the top floor then a comedy club then a brothel and you know what they did They put up nets like the Apple That's right, because people were falling off. Yes Many times we were like well see you tomorrow They set up fucking yes, that's hanging a fat bachelorette go down the stairs

That's gotta be a lot of deaths just being a fall down drunk. You just fall. Oh, yeah. Yeah Just being a fall down drunk you just fall. Oh, yeah. Yeah I got a little terrace area and I'm like, oh I almost there was like one time I was like, oh, I'm fucking hammered. This could be ugly. I had to like I had to be like aware of my steps Oh, yeah I've told this story before but on the north end our friend Ryan Cot who was the old manager the comedy club I was he had a rooftop in the north end the floor, and I was woken up by someone sleeping on this thing, but this was a drop, like five stories. And I was laying on it, taking a nap like this,

and they were like, dude, you gotta wake up. And I was like, well, fucking get out of here. Whoa, there's a clapping song about that. I was just straight down. If I had moved, if I had rolled in my sleep, I would have fucking fallen off a building. Oh my God. Good Lord, man.

What a place to nap. But I don't know why it made sense to me at the time. I was like, oh, this is like a Good size like a cop. You just fucking pass out. Yeah Yeah, the amount of drunk falling asleep driving I've done. We're all lucky to be alive. Oh, yeah Okay, well dude plug the movie, you know One more time plug the movie portrait of a comedian Tom plug the movie, Portrait of a Comedian. Tom Dustin, Portrait of a Comedian, Quad Cinema in New York starting April 25th. I mean, there's a whole list.

Atlanta Midtown Art Cinema in Atlanta, May 9th. Kendall Square in Cambridge, Massachusetts, May 9th. These are all full runs, by the way. Ritz Five in Philadelphia starting May 9th. Los Angeles, Sunset Five. And you can go to tomdustindoc.com to see where it's playing near you. And we're gonna be adding theaters, Grand Rapids,

It's at the Bob, you can see it. Oh, there you go, yeah. Lexington, Mass, San Jose, San Francisco, it'll be all over. It's a fun movie, first of all, it's 93 minutes long. It's really funny. Like, that's what I like about it. You made a, cause I was bummed.

Like, I was like, oh my god, everyone's gonna know what a fucking piece of shit I am. No! And blah blah blah. And you made it so funny. Oh, thank you. And then it does tell a nice story. I think you fucking did a nice job. It's beautifully done. Thanks. I feel the friendship. I come off very funny in it.

I mean, it's a lot of laughs in the theater. When you pulled that shotgun out, I lost it. Yeah, it was great. I don't wanna give anything away. Yeah, that makes it sound like the suicide happens. And then, yeah, I mean, I got a bunch of dates. April, I don't know when this comes out, but Punch Up Live, April 10th through the 12th,

Minneapolis Acme, which is selling out, so do that. And Wilbur Theater, April 19th, which is really close to selling out, so you might be too late on that. Rochester, Cleveland, all those things. They're gonna be playing it at the Tropic Cinema in Key West on May 9th. Okay.

And they're doing a free bodega cat tasting. Hell yeah! Did you know about that? You get one full free bottle. I'm fucking doing a bodega cat tasting. We'll set it up. We'll set it up. I wish you guys would come back down. I'll figure it out. I'll make it worth it I'll figure it. I know you fucking stars and well if I get a hotel this time, I'm in No, what'd you stay with Joe Maddow's last time? Yeah, I think so. No, no, I'll tell you

We got to figure it out now. I got you. I believe ya. I mean, Louie CK just did it last week. Louie, Ari, Chad, Daniels, you guys have killer lineups. Jim Norton. I got Jim Norton comin' in. Oh, wow! You know what we should do? Let's go do the three of us.

Oh my god. The old boys! That's the festival. I'm in. That's the comedy kid Westable right there. One of us will kill ourselves. We'll leave the wives and babies behind. Yeah.

I say we do it. I love it and just go see the movie it's fantastic have a few pops make a night out of it try to match Tom's drunkenness and go see the movie. Well in the movie I mean. Oh. Mark you got Napa. Oh hell yeah. Napa, Santa Barbara, Asheville, Bristol, Tennessee, New Brunswick, New Jersey, Ithaca. I'm going in the Syracuse area and then we're going to the United Kingdom Salford Birmingham Cardiff, London

Your schedule. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to the UK baby forgot to say Reykjavik. Oh, thank you I didn't know how to pronounce it right. It's almost sold out. Which I don't know anything about Reykjavik, but I can't wait to go yet and Albany Burlington, you know mark Norman comedy commie comm go to punch up live We're all on there figure it out get a ticket and say hello. Yeah, I got Columbus Yeah, what do you got there? You know go up. It's the tenth no you wrong way Columbus Royal Oak Grand Rapids, Milwaukee Madison Des Moines st. Louis Kansas City Minneapolis Then Phoenix San Diego Sacramento SF Portland at a late show on a Monday, so please fucking don't make me regret that Seattle Vancouver Boise

Denver I'm all over so uh yeah adding adding a bunch of dates coming out soon for the fall in the summer so uh Punch up dot live slash Joe list punch up dot live slash mark norman punch up dot live slash Sam Rell We love you get some go see the movie get some bodega cat bodega cat whiskey comm and we'll see you next time Thanks, guys. Oh, can I add one thing? I'm so sorry at it my I don't think this has been announced to anybody. I'm one thing. I'm so sorry. I don't think this has been announced to anybody. I'm the first one in the pool. May 21st my new special is premiering at the IFC Center at a movie theater. You can come see it live. I love a movie theater. They'll let you do anything at these places. You're like Paul Rubin's. May 21st here in New York City at the IFC Center right by the cellar. He got it. It'll be in the cinema. You can watch a comedy special

This could be the new I'm gonna be the first pirate. I don't want to be a pirate All right, great. Sorry Love you guys. Go see it. I'll see you guys soon A bit of Piva Rec you know the future's close I've had a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans

This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be true