We Might Be Drunk - Ep 23: Bloody Marys

Episode Date: May 16, 2021

Today's episode is sponsored by Honey! Get Honey for FREE at www.joinhoney.com/drunk    Thanks to Gotham Podcast Studio for hosting us!  

We might be drunk, we might be drunk, as long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit, pep heaps, wrecks, and a bit, maybe drunk. We might be drunk, yeah. Ah! Here we are, folks. We might be drunk. It's midday on a Wednesday. It's raining out in New York City. And what are we drinking here, Sammy baby? Bloody Mary's is the ultimate day drink. You got that right.

It's pretty nice. Good hangover cure. I feel like Draper. You know, he had a rough night with some hoo-ah. And then he goes home and has one of these at the office. You just combine the two best dramas ever, maybe. Draper and Hua. What was that?

She was a Hua. Sopranos. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking you were talking about Pacino. Ooh, no. What was that called? Son of a Woman. Son of a Woman.

That movie, we've talked about in this podcast before, it's one of those horrible movies that every Thanksgiving, if it's on TV, I just watch. Can't not watch it. It's very watchable. Yes. But it's like, dude, a blind guy driving a car and it's supposed to be a feel-good moment. You're like, this is how people die. I know.

You nearly killed a kid. Yeah. Yeah. Chris O'Donnell, he was so cute. He was a cute kid. 90s, very 90s, very watchable kind of fun drama with heart. Heart, but it was a real I owe you Oscar. Yes, yes, exactly.

We burned you on Godfather, Dog Day Afternoon, all these classics, and they're like, just fucking take it. It's like Departed. That was like one of Scorsese's weirdest movies, and that's the one he got. No, it was a good movie. It's good, but it's no Raging it's no good fellas it's no uh i even cape fear i love yeah but comedy and we both love after hours love after hours but then departed what are you gonna do chop me up and feed me to the poor yeah yeah your white lace curtain fuck i like that every cop in that movie

is just quoting Joyce. Yeah, I know, right? Every Boston cop reads James Joyce. Yeah, and everybody's got a toad. You know, Alec Baldwin's like, God damn it, get over here. And he hits the guy with the file, you know? That was a great scene. That was a great scene.

He's got the tit sweat going. So funny. Who the fuck are you? I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy. Yeah, they're just fist fighting in the backseat. Like, what are we doing here? It's fun, though.

It is fun. I saw it in the theater twice. Don't get me wrong. It's a fun ass. It's also ridiculous. He's just saying the N word in that intro for no reason. Like, there's no reason to open this movie with this many N bombs. Right.

You're a black guy in Boston. You don't need my help to get fucked. Anthony Anderson's in that for like eight minutes. He's great in it. Yeah, yeah. Based on a Japanese film. Yeah, Infernal Affairs. Is that it?

Yeah. Not internal. It's Infernal. Infernal. Can we double check that, Harry? Check it out. We got a new screen coming up. Yeah, I think you nailed it.

Infernal. There you go. Yeah. What does Infernal mean? I have no idea. All right, good. I justnal. There you go. Yeah. What does Infernal mean? I have no idea. All right, good. I just remember the name. Huh.

Like, remember they did that movie Vanilla Sky with Tom Cruise? Yeah. That was Abre Los Ojos, and that was supposed to be great. That was also Penelope Cruz. She was in both of them. Imagine being- What? Like, that is-

She gets shit on a lot, but like, you're in the Spanish and English version of the movie. That's impressive. That's pretty crazy. Yeah. It's like when Tom Segura does Spanish stand-up. You're're like jesus who is this like a gifted child that's crazy very impressive carmen lynch same thing yeah that's right you know um yeah it's funny we were just talking about salicus our boy he gets a mention on almost every podcast our buddy salicus but uh he's saying how our podcast, we start with a high.

We hit a wall because we get drunk, and then the second half, we kind of slow down. Yeah. And he's like, you need something. He goes like, you know Homeless Pimp, who does Chris DiStefano's podcast? Yeah. And we're like, of course we know him. And he goes, he's got great ideas. He's producing it.

He's got great ideas. One of his ideas is Chrissy Edibles. Like, Chris takes edibles. Oh, yeah. I'm like, you think we couldn't come up with doing drugs? know we could just do a bump on the back half how about that sally it's noon you think we couldn't crack that we're already doing a drug yeah good point but it's not enough i need heroin like that'll keep us high that'll keep us up we're just both like drooling a minute 51 yeah boy this this just the taste you know a smell can

bring you back yeah the taste of this reminds me of like being in the park in new orleans like 19 years old chugging these just to try to kill the hangover yeah killing a hangover is a young man's game though you get a little older and you kind of just got to take it take it you deserve the punishment and you got to ride it out because if you just keep getting back on that horse it'll never end yeah you keep killing the hang i mean that's that's like all the great right i think like all the great writers of their day were just alcoholics how the fuck did they do it well i don't think they knew the uh the health risk that they were actually doing i think they were just like hey i feel good now you know like they all had elixirs

this is my snake oil this This is my tonic. You got to know the hell, like just how a hangover makes you feel. You got to be like, this can't be good. Can't be good. Yeah, my body is telling me something. But, you know, you see those old Guinness ads? It's like, makes you strong, gets you laid,

helps you fight and all this shit. And you're like, maybe I do need one. Makes you think you're strong. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, these writers, man, well, you know what it was? They needed to create obstacles because they didn't have like Hemingway and Bukowski, all these alcoholic writers. They didn't have the distraction of the internet.

I know. They weren't distracted like, oh, look at all these cats that look like Tommy Lee Jones on BuzzFeed. They didn't have to deal with that shit. Right. That's so true. They just stared at the sea. Yeah. That was all they needed or a beautiful woman or whatever,. Right. That's so true. They just stared at the sea. Yeah. That was all they needed, or a beautiful woman, or whatever, the sunset.

That's what it was. It was women. Because all these guys were either divorced or sex addicts. Totally. Totally. Hemingway was divorced like four times. Bukowski had a book, Women, where it's like literally just flying women out to his place. And it's like, by the way, that's, you think like dating apps are fucking sketchy.

Yeah. He'd look at one picture and be like i'm buying a plane ticket uh well the guy looked like a fucking gargoyle i mean he's one of the ugliest men in history he was very ugly and he had a thing for ugly chicks i think yeah he was like uh all over like fat chicks and all this stuff so he was probably like the first ugly guy to make it and get laid. God, there's got to be people before. That's true. I mean, like fucking Napoleon. Yeah, good point.

Good point. By the way, Napoleon, an Italian guy. Yeah. I didn't know that. I always thought he was French. Oh, no. The wise guys love him. Is that right?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. Didn't Tony have a picture of him on his... And then Pau he changed it to to tony yeah that was great that was great and tony sees it like what the fuck yeah he's my favorite character hands down paulie walnuts yeah paulie it's not that we might be drunk if we don't mention salicues and sopranos every episode that's true good point no he's the

best he's so funny he loves his mother i love when he when he punches out chrissy for making fun of him he calls his mom a whore, so he punches him during the intervention. I mean, come on. The intervention is the best. Chris is probably my favorite, but. Oh, I like Chris, too. Chrissy. They were the best.

When he sits on little Cosette. Brutal. Tony can murder any human, but you fuck with an animal, you're dead to him. That's like a great sign of a sociopath. That's right. That's true. serial killer still like worry about animals they'll bludgeon a woman with a with a pipe but uh don't hurt a cat so weird yeah i don't like animal stuff either even when i see like a little kid playing with a cat too rough i'm like ah what are you doing i hate that shit yeah when people like you ever see someone who's like rough with their dog and you're just like what the fuck is wrong with you i know i know

i mean we've talked about it before with the blowing weed smoke in the dog's face or putting beer in the bowl you're like come on yeah i don't like it yeah give the guy a break what uh what else is going on man oh well i we were talking about Sand of a Woman. I wanted to veer off to this. What do you think about Stevie Wonder? Some people have a conspiracy theory that he's not blind. What? Yeah. Well, there's some video, Matt or Harry, if you pull it up,

there's a video of somebody throwing him a microphone and he catches it. Have you heard about this? Or am I just drunk at night on YouTube in my pajamas with half a boner? Is this? Uh-huh. Here we go. Is Stevie Wonder blind? Then how'd he grab the mic?

Maybe he's like Daredevil blind. Oh, there's Paul McCartney. We're doing some kind of a big. Hey, look, it fell there. Oh, he grabbed it. Let me see. Watch this. He drops the microphone and he caught it. Maybe he felt it. Maybe he felt it.

I'm sure he's blind. All right. Everybody's got a theory about everything. There's all these conspiracy theory podcasts. I think ours was debunked in 12 seconds. I think that lasted not even 30 seconds pretty impressive though he still caught that microphone they say your other senses are raised if you're blind i mean like if you see blind people uh on the street they're pretty good

with the stick usually they do know where they're i mean you know a blind guy walk around new york that's like a kid in the vatican it's high risk. What are you, crazy? His name escapes me right now. He's a really funny guy. Does drug special Shane something? Blonde? Shane Moss? Yes. He has a joke where he goes, if you got the right pair of sunglasses, you can take a seeing

eye dog just about anywhere. Oh, no, a dog at just about anywhere. See, I fucked up the joke. That's funny. You can take a dog just about anywhere. That's a great observation. Yeah. Speaking of the seeing eye dog, and this sounds like a bit, but I think it's just a fun idea.

Yeah. If you're like a worker dog, seeing eye, anxiety dog, cop dog, whatever it is, bomb squad dog. Yeah. You got to want to be drug dog the most. First of all, you're at the airport. You're kind of hanging out. You can sniff coke. I'm sure you get a little bump every now and then. you're in like bolivia i don't know it seems like seeing

eye dog i'm like taking this retard to the park sorry i'm taking this uh handy to the park and uh you know whatever you know okay maybe we'll walk around a little bit i gotta pull this guy through traffic but the sea the drug dog is like living. They command the most respect too. Yes. They're like leading the cop around. Right. They're being led around.

They're like, follow me. I got to lead. That's a great point. And you go, yeah, of course. Go, baby. You got it. That's a great observation. Yeah, the CNI dog is definitely, you're basically a nanny.

You're a nanny. You're babysitting. You're like the bitch for the, you're helping a nanny you're a nanny you're babysitting you're like the bitch for the you're helping the guy all right come on let's go let's go you're about to get hit by a car but the drug dog is living who picks up after the cni dog oh that's a great question i love it write that down really god there's no way that's not been done i think it might have been done but but that's a funny angle. Yeah, who's picking up that? Yeah, see, it's been done.

Ah, okay. Yeah, damn. It's like a meme. All right. Damn. It's a great question, though. It is a good question. Yeah, also, the blind guy's got to wipe his ass, and you got to help?

Like, how does that work with the blind guy ass wiping? That's a Robert Schimmel joke. Oh, is it? How do blind people know when they're done wiping their ass? Yeah, exactly. But I think the seeing-eye dog has to assist with the ass wiping, I assume. Yeah, I don't know about that. Do you really?

What, with their paw? What do you think they're doing? Well, they got a lot of fur. That's when I know I'm getting too drunk is when I'm using my pets as a napkin. The cat walks by and I'm like, hang on, I got some ketchup on my hand there. You got barbecue sauce in your jeans and your puppy's head. Yeah. That's terrible.

Yeah, I use jeans as a napkin too much. Oh, man. Same. Same. They should make napkins out of denim just because I'm so used to that. Those are cool pants, by the way. Thank you. I got these at the Gap on the road on sale because I was out of pants i like you don't see i don't see cargo pants that

fit a lot you know they're always they always seem too baggy those look like they fit they fit like a glove they're tapered at the bottom and i put my merch money in the cargos yeah so when i put my my shit through the security at the airport no one thinks about i got wads and wads of hundreds in here and it just goes right through it's a shady look for the airport though it is it does make you look like you have a dime bag in one of those pockets you know no doubt about it and if they pulled it out they'd be like what's all this cash about and i'm like i sell shirts that say comedy on them that's uh i swear to god that's a thing it's uh yeah you don't see cargo shorts that that fit that's like it's a big uh that's a big victory

i heard a woman once say because cargo shorts are out are they yeah who can keep up with fashion but like all these women were like hey man who wear cargo shorts you're a dork whatever and one woman wrote all these guys were like i didn't know that sorry and one woman wrote uh just wear the fucking shorts if you want to wear them that's the hottest thing exactly to me that's like fashion it's just like not i mean and i don't know it so but to me it's like just do what you want to do yes and confidence kind of comes through i think guys when you're when you really remember an outfit they're fucking up oh if it's like a little too loud so it's kind of like like if you remember an outfit

it means the dude wore a shirtless george costanza shirt right right posing the art of seduction yeah they're like oh shit i remember that ain't good a black t-shirt and like a jean jacket no one no one fucking exactly you want a hint of you like i think a shoe or a shirt can really pop in a good way but yeah you don't want you don't want to be memorable you don't want to stand out anytime a guy goes can i pull this off you probably can't exactly that's a we a hint of you that might be our we might be drunk cologne if we come out cologne is kind of douchey to me cologne's a problem you know so i'm at no no offense vinnie brand i was just at uh bridgeport Factory. And Vinnie is going on.

He's like, I'm going to get you your first cologne. I was like, I'm going to throw it in the fucking garbage if you get me a cologne. He goes, smell this. Tell me you don't notice how good this smell is. I was like, I'm not going to smell you. I don't want to smell you. And if I can smell you, like, even if it's subtle, I'd rather, I think women also prefer a natural scent. We've talked about how we prefer a natural scent on women.

Yeah, and just the idea of going, I can't live with myself doing that. It feels like a douchebag. It feels like... Was there a time when cologne was more acceptable? I feel like... I think so, yeah. I think it was. Well, aftershave I can do because it's very...

You shave and you do a little... My dad used to do that and his teeth would smell like a dad. Like it's like English leather or whatever the hell it was. Aftershave is kind of manly, though. It's kind of manly, yeah. Because it hurts when you put it on. It hurts. Exactly.

Men have to feel pain. Yeah. So I felt like that old bit, like men, when they hug, they hit. Because we still have to be hurting each other. That's a great point. That is true. Yeah, you know, I remember even when Axe body spray first came out, like I was using that as a substitute for roll-on deodorant, which you can't do.

No, no. I didn't realize that. I went to a basketball camp in Philly, and I was like the only white kid at the camp. And they were all like, what the fuck? Like, you need real deodorant. That was like, it became a thing to shit on me. Yeah.

For using Axe body spray. I was just, I'm lazy. I just grabbed it and ran out, you know. And just. Yeah, yeah. But when you're I just grabbed it and ran out, you know. And just. Yeah, yeah. But when you're sweating all week at a basketball camp, holy shit. It has no antiperspirant. It just smells good, I think.

I don't like antiperspirant, though. I like powder. I use women's deodorant. I'm saying it right here first. Yeah, I use the secret. That's how it starts. Next week you're going to be telling me about your underwear. Yeah.

There's more give. I also shave my legs, but we'll get to that later. I'm going to bend over. You're going to bend over to tie your underwear. Yeah. There's more give. I also shaved my legs, but we'll get to that later. I'm going to bend over. You're going to bend over to tie your shoes. I'm like, is that a thong Mark's wearing? What the hell? It's riding up the whale tail. Yeah.

No, I use women's deodorant because I like the powder. I don't like the jelly, gooey liquid shit. Yeah, I hate. Remember when it would look like Play-Doh? You would do the little twist on deodorant? Oh, yeah. It would come out like Play-Doh, and you're like, well, you think I want, like, moisture in here? Exactly.

I'm wet enough. Jelly's gross. I don't mind the roll-on, though, when it just kind of goes. I like a roll-on. I like a roll-on. Yeah. Roll-on is good. I like to sweat.

I think sweating's natural. I don't want to not sweat. I guess, but I hate when I'm at the DMV and just feel that boop, that drip. I hate that drip. It's like an IV for a comatose. Well, if you're hungover, a hungover sweat, there's nothing quite like it. No, or a bomb sweat, which I know is not relatable, but Joe List one time bombed so hard on an outdoor corporate gig,

and he was wearing a suit, and he took his blazer off, and he had a dress shirt on, and the whole back was wet, and it was a great photo he just showed the photo wow it was perfect damn back sweat i get that i get that so bad on a bomb yeah yeah it's weird when you start to like i remember uh there's a bill hicks special where he's just sweating his ass off yeah i think it's his half hour, his one night stand, which is a great special, HBO. But his sweat was fucking crazy. Oh, you got a picture? Yes.

Yeah, black people were smart enough to just bring the towel. Whitey never really did the towel. It looks weird when you're, well, I mean, Bernie Mac sweating back in the day. Certain comics, but I think Martin Lawrence was a sweater. Oh, yeah. I mean, he almost went into a coma from sweating. Do you remember? What?

Didn't Martin Lawrence go into a coma? I think he was jogging, and he wanted to lose weight, so he was wearing a sweatshirt while he jogged. Wow. I mean, Martin Lawrence, to be fair, though, would wear a full leather suit with no shirt under it. So he's basically like cutting weight to get on the wrestling team during his set. That is true.

It's like doing Kegels, you know? I'm doing them now yeah to lose weight an upcoming movie had to put on several layers of clothing to sweat off the pounds he subsequently suffered heat stroke when he arrived at the uh medical center in thousand oaks california lawrence clocked in with 107 degree body temperature holy shit man damn was this before or after the nervous breakdown on the highway with the with the handgun i don't know man martin lawrence was a great comic actor though his show was great so good i loved martin i even liked the movies that weren't like even like blue streak it's like what's got chapelle

on it it's i still like blue street yeah yeah he's a bad voice and we've all heard the chris rock story where he blew him off stage really you never heard this oh man chris rock was on snl so he's like blowing up a little bit, and he's a good stand-up. But he's like us. He's like a joke guy. Sure, he's got a little more energy and he paces, but he used to just stand there and tell jokes. He's at Cleveland Improv or somewhere.

Martin Lawrence, unheard of, no name, opener guy. Kills! Kills! And he was like, I can't follow that. And he bombed. So after that, he started prowling the stage and everything. Wow. Because he knew he couldn't just stand and deliver.

He had to do the energy thing. So that fucked his whole world up. Fuck. Yeah, Martin Lawrence, man. Just an unknown murderer. Yeah, I remember you so crazy. I used to watch that DVD all the time as a kid. Mm-hmm.

What was the one with the cleavage on the cover? It was like the hottest cover. Matt, pull it up. It was After Dark or Talking Dirty After Dark. As a kid, that was pretty hot for me. It's just tits on a box. Cleavage shot. It's a special.

Oh, God. We're going to get to come up here, too. I think they do that in post. Oh, okay. Yeah. Come on. Come on. Come on. I remember a thin line between love and hate.

The woman in that movie was so hot. Do you remember that movie? No. I don't know if I caught that one. That was a Martin Lawrence. Yeah, I loved Martin Lawrence, man. Yeah, I did, too. Is he still going?

Yeah, he just did the new Bad Boys movie. Oh, great. With Will Smith. That actually did good numbers, I think. I think that was the last movie to do good numbers before the pandemic. is he still going yeah he just did the new bad boys movie oh great with will smith that actually did good numbers i think i think that was like the last movie to do good numbers before the pandemic oh wow damn but uh yeah man it was like yeah there we go lynn whitfield i think she's hot right she's really pretty holy shit no it was a comedy special i swear to god i think it was hbo after dark talking dirty damn it it was a comedy special, I swear to God. I think it was HBO, After Dark, Talking Dirty.

Damn it. It was just, the whole box was just two boobs. Oh, man, now I feel like I'm crazy. I'm losing it. But we'll find it. We can't just stare at a screen. But yeah. Yeah, Martin Lawrence, underrated.

What a beast. Damn, I had something about the purse. Oh, yeah. I go powder. I tried it one day on the road that's all they had and i needed deodorant and i never went back big fan powder secret strong enough for a man if you go women's powder i do women's powder jesus oh yeah secret i used to have a joke about how like you know if you if you get a you know men doing little things like

uh you know like if you get a sex change people say you're a hero if you transition well you're very brave but if i get like my eyebrows tweezed they're like you fucking pussy you do the little things you get called out for it but if you go all in so true the little things i think about that and you're like yeah i could see ladies i mean i've used girlfriend's deodorant before yeah because you just you're like what's there and i don't have it right right that's a good point i think it's the same for women like if a woman you know transitions that's great but if a woman's like eating a chili dog and wearing boxers nah that's still kind of hot women like women like an oversized shirt they love an oversized shirt women like love an oversized shirt. Women like to feel small.

Yes. Which is not what men want. We're the opposite. I always wonder, like, smaller guys who date taller women, like, you think, like, you think Nicole Kidman ever threw one of Tom Cruise's shirts on? Like, yeah, this doesn't really fit. Yeah, he's got to be, what, 5'7"? 5'7".

Wow. Did you hear that story that just came out about Tom Cruise and how he saved Elizabeth Shue's life? There was like a helicopter blade. Harry, you probably pulled this up. Tom Cruise helicopter Elizabeth Shue. Yeah, it's like a reverse Jonathan Landis, whatever happened here. He saved her.

Wow, he's a real-life action star. He saved her from, yeah, spinning blades while on set. Part of me is like, do you need the real blades? I know, right? You fake guns. Yeah, he's an odd duck, that Cruz. You hear all these stories how he's like the greatest guy, and I remember Bill Hader told a story about how he heard

someone in his family was dying or very ill, and he made sure the set was like boom, boom, boom to get him out of there. Oh, wow. So you hear all these great things. I just think Scientology's got to be rough. Yeah, it seems like they got a grip on you and they don't let go. They squeeze you to death because they know all your secrets. Deodorant.

But, yeah, he's an odd duck. Apparently Jimmy Kimmel has that story about how he showed up at his Super Bowl with his mom and cupcakes. And he's like, oh, hey. We're all drinking beers, watching football, and you show up with your mom. And then he's one of these guys who just does push-ups randomly. Really? Because he's like, ah, we're wasting time.

I can be productive. I can do push-ups. That is fucking hilarious. I know. That's like a thing you see a character do in a movie, and you're like, shut up. Exactly. That's like Ari Gold on Entourage. Yeah. He he's comedy gold but he's not trying to be funny you know he's on oprah's couch you know going nuts that was fucking brutal brutal brutal but you know

i do love tom cruise though i do too does his own stunts and he boy he looks amazing for his age he looks amazing he looks amazing for our age for his looks amazing. He looks amazing for our age. For his age. He's got fucking abs. Yeah. He's like 60. By the way, Vanilla Sky, he's in that. Yeah. Is that a good movie or not?

It feels like it's departed-y. It's on the line. I can't tell. You know what it is? It kind of is. And it's like, it's weird and it's interesting. Yeah. But I don't know if it's quite good.

I feel the same way. It's like, it doesn't all the way make sense, I don't think. Yeah. It's almost like when you have like a drug-fueled dream or something, and it's just like, all right. It's like a dream sequence episode of a show where you're like, did this just waste my time, or was it kind of riveting? I can't tell. Can't tell. I know.

I'm with you. He's great in it. He's great. The ladies are super hot, and it's a great idea. And it's Cameron Crowe who does great work. Great or horrible. Great or horrible. So it's like you can't.

That was one where you're like, I don't know. I don't know. But I saw it in the theater. I remember leaving being like, that was good. Right. And my date was like, yeah, I think so. It was cool to see in the theater because it was like so, you know, big. The movie was so big. But yeah, I mean, Tom Cruise, cool to see in the theater because it was so big. The movie was so big.

But yeah, I mean, Tom Cruise, so many... My favorite role of his ever was Magnolia. He got robbed at the Oscar that year, man. Unbelievable movie. That's a PTA. Yeah. Unbelievable movie. That movie's incredible.

I haven't seen it forever. I wonder if it holds up. Oh, I saw it like a year ago and I loved it again. C. Reilly is great. He like steals the again it was uh c riley is great he's he like steals the show in that movie but is great yeah the intertwining stories i love that william h macy oh my god william h macy one of the most underrated actors such a tragic character yeah i mean i think fargo is in my top five movies ever wow yeah no i can't can't argue with that can't go wrong with cohen see they've had some shit, too. Which ones are shit?

Well, we talked about this before. I don't love the Clooney one. Oh, Intolerable Cruelty? I don't love it. It's like a throwback Hollywood screwball comedy. I think it's pretty good. That's true. It's a different movie, and I'm like, I love Clooney, man.

I do, too. I think he's great. I think he's pretty funny in it, and Catherine Zeta-Jones is so fucking hot in it. Yeah, yeah. I still can't get over her laser beam scene in Entrapment. Yes. Woo, don't pull that up, Matt, because it'll get us all excited. Yeah, we don't need to fucking pitch a tent in here.

Yeah, in the mid-90s, it didn't get any hotter than that, but going below a laser. Sean Connery, man. Fucking a toast to fucking Sean Connery. Oh, yes. Because we lost him, and he's a bad motherfucker. I'll tell you one of my favorite movies ever, The Man Who Would Be King. Sean Connery man fucking a toast to fucking Sean Connery oh yes because we lost him and he's a bad motherfucker I'll tell you one of my favorite movies ever

The Man Who Would Be King I think it's based on Rudyard Kipling I don't know that one yeah dude The Man Who Would Be King it's Sean Connery Michael Caine is incredible

oh yeah and I think Christopher Plummer one of the best movies ever wow it's fucking phenomenal. That's quite a review. Yeah. It's like these guys who basically, I haven't seen in years, but it's incredible.

These guys who basically overtake a village and they trick them into thinking they're gods and things go pretty fucking bad. But it's really, really good. Okay. I got to check that out. Yeah. Harry, look up, it's Rudyard Kipling, The Man Who Would Be King. It's a different really good. Okay. I got to check that out. Yeah. Harry, look up. It's Rudyard Kipling, The Man Who Would Be King.

It's a different name, the book. I don't know what it's called. Sean Connery, Famous for Bar Fights. Really? Oh, yeah. Scottish guys are the toughest guys. It's not the name. I don't know.

Yeah. I don't know why, but it's a different name for sure. Whatever. Kipling. I'm pretty sure. I could be fucking totally wrong here. Yeah, I'm still worried about the Martin Lawrence special. I'm telling you, that exists. We're all over this shit because we go from Lawrence to Connery.

We'll go anywhere, man. Oh, yeah. I love – I got another toast to me. Oh, please. I don't know if I've done this because we drink on this every week, which could be a start to any sentence we ever say on this. But a toast to, you ever go to your local sandwich shop? And my guy will go, he'll go, the regular.

And I said, yeah. And he just makes the sandwich. Oh, you mentioned this before. I love it. That's the best, the usual. So this is a toast into a peeve. All right. He said the regular today. usual. So this is a toast into a peeve. Alright. He said the regular today

and he gave me American cheese instead of cheddar. Oh, that stings. That hurts. American cheese is fine, but here's my issue with it. It sticks to the top of your fucking mouth. It's the Captain Crunch of cheese. There's issues. It affects the top of your mouth.

It's definitely the most chemically fakey process that's why it's american you know it's got all the shit in it but yeah you're right tits of cheese it's the fake tits of cheese it works and i actually like eating it plain i'll just like the way homer simpson would just eat craft singles yeah i'll fucking do that all day i'm with you but i like i like cheddar on my eggs man oh i love it that's my go-to I'm with you. But I like cheddar on my eggs, man. Oh, I love it. That's my go-to. I'm with you. What's the difference between cheddar and American? Is there a big difference?

Because they're the same goddamn color. I don't know, but I'm going by the taste here. Harry, can we pull that up, the difference between cheddar and American? I've always wondered that. I like cheddar better. Yeah, I think I do, too. But they kind of work on a lot of the same. Like, you could do turkey cheddar, turkey American.

You kind of do either. Yeah. You know what feels good to order? I feel like I know some shit was when I ordered pepper jack. Give me the pepper jack. Pepper jack is good shit. That's good shit. I like provolone.

I like Swiss. I'm a big cheese queef. I love cheese. I'll fuck with some jalapeno cheddar. You ever do that? Habanero cheddar. Oh, that's good. That's the good shit.

That's good. Oh, dude, you got to be careful because you're going to pay for that later. That's true. You can't start the day with a bloody Mary and a habanero cheddar. I's good that's the good shit oh dude you got to be careful because you're gonna pay for that later that's true you can't start the day with a bloody mary and a habanero cheddar i'll tell you that right now you'll be shitting fire yeah that's so true cheese man that's why cheese is an upcharge it's like that old chris rock joke damn she had to get some cheese on her whopper cheddar is a hard english cheese while american is smooth and creamy processed yes processed you're right fake titties big tits of cheese cheddar's big tits but they're natural yeah big natties cheddar and you know what's weird is when it's sharp i love a sharp sharp cheddar's ab it's just the best we i don't like white American or white cheddar. Easy.

That's the great, like, the ethnic comic move where you're just like, why has it got to be white cheddar? You're just like, I feel like this doesn't have anything to do with race. White chocolate sucks, am I right? It's all about real chocolate. Dark chocolate. I do like dark chocolate better, though. I like milk. Yeah, you get aged cheddar.

There's no aged American. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we get rid of our old people. We don't respect them. Cuomo, talking to you. Nursing home. Yeah, you're right. That's fascinating.

Interesting. Very American of us. Very American. Processed, and there's no aged. Craft singles. There's something sad about american being the single one yeah can't find anybody so true it's gotta be on its own and much like people in america if they have flaws like you throw out it you tear a craft single it's worthless it's got to be the full square damn that's a good point you know what i do love though i was gonna package cheese, but I'm string cheese till I die, dude. I like string cheese, too.

Just peeling it apart. It feels fun. It's a project. Yeah. It's fun. You do a thing while you eat it. It brings you back to childhood. Something about this pandemic brought me back to childhood nostalgia.

And it's like, yeah, there's something about having a sugary cereal. Oh, I love a sugary cereal. Or, you know, string cheese, man. Yeah, I'm a sucker for some chocolate milk. Yes. I love a good Choco Milko. Dude, there was a run for chocolate milk where they were like, you can have it after a workout. It's got a lot of protein in it.

That's right. Apparently, first of all, I think it was invented in Jamaica. Fun fact. Really? Give it a goog. And it's apparently, it gives you more energy than an energy drink. The sugar. It's all sugar, yeah.

Yeah. And I guess the milk has some protein. I don't know. But yeah, I love it. Give me a yoo-hoo and I'll blow you. I love a yoo-hoo. Yoo-hoo sounds like what you say to someone before you blow them. Yeah, yoo-hoo.

Yoo-hoo. you i love you who sounds like what you say to someone before you blow them yeah you yeah that's one hell of a crazy straw you got there but uh yeah i love i do love you who i love i mean nesquik might be my fave that's my go-to man this is where i'm gonna lose you though i don't like strawberry milk it's it's great for the first sip yeah and then you lose me they even do banana milk now and And I'm like, slow down. Oh, God. That's like the femdom. Yes. That's like, you know, put me in a leather suit and beat me with chocolate milk, people.

And like, I want the classic. Just fuck missionary. Yes. And I'm good. Yeah, yeah. Don't peg me with your banana milk. I like vanilla chocolate milk, though. Vanilla milk.

Vanilla milk? Yeah, they do. That feels like an oxymoron there's too many whites vanilla and milk i don't know it feels like a overlap but i'll try it they called it departed i'll tell you i'll do some eggnog egg you fucking love i love eggnog i'll drink eggnog in the summer yeah i like it i like nutmeg and cinnamon and anything. Oh, yeah. Can't go wrong with cinnamon. Back to cheese, though.

The Swiss cheese guy, whoever invented Swiss cheese is a genius because he's saving like 30% of his income just putting holes in that shit. He's doing what the donut and the bagel people did.

Yes. But he took it over to cheese. And there's even more holes. There's way more holes in this story. And what he should do is keep those holes and sell that. Swiss holes.

It also became used as an insult. A-hole? No. Like, if you're playing bad defense, he's playing Swiss cheese defense. This story's got a lot of holes in it. Holes are a negative. Yeah, that's true. And it still works.

That's true. Yeah, it still works. Because it differentiates from the Cheddars and the Provolones because it's got holes in it. Holes. Holes. Swiss hole, by the way, sounds like an asshole from Switzerland. I also don't like hole. I mean, glory hole.

That's not a good hole either. That's not great, but they are socially distant. You're cutting off the breath. All right yeah no you're right hey hey we might be drunk folks is brought to you by honey oh yeah you know we all uh especially with this pandemic we all shop online we all look for coupons we're all looking for a hot deal. That's the genius of Honey. Honey, you don't have to search anymore for a promo code or anything. Honey is free browser extension that scours the internet for discount codes. When you're ready to check out, Honey automatically applies the best one. Instant savings. That is a genius idea. You got to get on, Honey. You got to do it today so you can save some cash honey has

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slash drunk and get that honey, baby. Yeah. Buy some cheese, have it delivered and get a deal. I do like Swiss cheese a lot. I do too. It might be my favorite cheese. Really? Yeah, I think so. It gets hate on. It does. It's because of the holes I guess. No, I think it's because it's got, like, some people think it's got a weird flavor.

Oh, maybe that's what I like about it. It's a mature flavor. Yeah. By the way, the first guy to eat cheese was pretty optimistic. It's old milk. Yes. And he was like, I'll eat it. Fuck it.

I bet they didn't get it all the way right first time. He just had some, like, in-between shit. It was pretty damn bad. Totally. Totally. But it kind of, it's a symbol for you can still work with something even if it's shitty. Because it's rotten milk that's been out for too long, and yet it's hugely popular. Raisins.

Raisins. Another great example. Optimism. You never know. Optimism. Even the first guy to eat a lemon was probably like, whew, I can use this. Yes. You know?

Just a hint. Just a hint. Just a hint, exactly. So things can be spun to a positive. All these negative cunts out there who just turn everything down. These no men. Get out of here. We wouldn't have these great things if you were around. You negative Nancy. Yeah.

No men, negative Nancy. You got both groups there. You know, I think something about Swiss cheese is so adult. Like, I feel like if you don't like Swiss cheese, you probably don't go down on women. Yeah, that's true. You're probably like, yeah, I don't know. Grow up. Grow up.

They're both delicious, and they both take a man's palate. Or a woman. You know, some women don't want to exclude anybody. Sure. Swiss cheese and vagina, Both are the adult. I'm going too far here, guys. No, I like it. I like it.

Yeah, no, you're right. This whole, like, some people like Cheez Whiz and all this. Like, come on. Get out of here. Well, Cheez Whiz is like, it's like the American cheese people. The Cheez Whiz are like the Philly cheesesteak people. Yeah. They want the cheese.

But I'm a provolone guy for my cheesesteak. I don't go whiz. that's a superior cheese for sure i'll do whatever because i don't get beat up by a psycho guy in philly but yeah there's all these camps i i'm so sick of these i'm a provolone i'm a whiz guy you gotta go to mikey's i go to pete's like all right life's too short we're gonna have genos pats yeah you went to p Geno's. Those are the commercial ones. I'm here for two days. Get off my case. I know.

And also, it tastes the exact same. I'm going to shit blood after. Let me get on with my life. If I get diarrhea, isn't that all we really need to do here? Yeah, exactly. Come on. I'm torturing myself eating this footlong of shitty meat and horrible cheese. And peppers.

And I have to do two shows tonight. I can't move. Exactly. Yeah, same that goes for you deep dish queefs out there. I got a knife and fork out and a bib on. Like, what am I doing? I look like I ate out a chick on her period. I'm covered in red sauce.

It's too much. The deep dish pizza is so aggressive. It's a lot. It's got a lot of confidence because, like, it really started, like, the anti-carb movement. Right. To go even harder. They're like, we're going even bigger. Like, fuck like fuck you that's what happened a lot of these places had health food movements and then the unhealthy places went even further like you know in atlanta laughing

skull place they have like meals like the heart attack it's a burger with two grilled cheese sandwiches for buns hard-boiled eggs bacon sl, slathered in butter. And you're like, do I want to die tonight? I know. I know. Also, do these shows play in third-world countries? Can you imagine seeing that? I've been eating grass for like six months, and you're showing me a hard-boiled egg on top of a steak, on top of bacon, on top of a pancake. I mean, what are we doing to these people?

That's crazy. That's, what do you call it um shaming it's so aggressive it's funny that it's really a reaction to be like fuck you we don't care but then she's like how about the people that have to work at these places i know and then they're like i don't have time to go to get a meal i guess i'll have the uh fried egg burger grilled cheese again yeah exactly this guy's 600 pounds he's just trying he needs some energy to serve people yeah yeah you got to learn cpr when you go there just because it's it's part of it i get the cpap

machine and the uh defibrillator out johnny's on his sixth uh heart attack they do tater tot nachos oh those are good though fucking amazing they're good but you can have four of them because it's a fucking tater tot but yeah i love I love it. It's so good. I don't feel like nachos and this is where I'll lose. By the way, we're turning into Sal Vulcano's pod. I'm a little worried here. Yeah, but we're behind a yes and in. They're versus each other.

Good point. It's DeRosa and Sal versus each other. We're kind of just every once in a while we're going to talk food. We talk movies a ton. That's true. We did Sean O'Connor. Sean O'Connor. Sean Connery.

Then we did Martin Lawrence. Yeah, we're all over the place here, folks. It's called stream of consciousness. But nachos, I feel like haven't been perfected. Wow. Well, I got. I didn't know this side of you. Well, as a bit of an OCD and a bit of an analytical cum guzzler, I think I don't like the pile on the top.

Then you got these random tortillas that are naked on the side i want it all to be that's why i like soup and chili and gumbo and cream based or whatever chowder it's all on board you're a real soup you're a real soup queef mark i am i'm a soup nazi because i i don't like the idea of this nacho getting half of what this one is, who's completely buried in the goods. What are you, communist Cuba? It's interesting. You know, you make an interesting point because during the pandemic places because of nachos for shared food, some restaurants would do like single nachos. So you can still share them, but it would be like dressed every chip.

Now that I'm on board with. Salicu's and I went to a Mexican place and they did that. Yeah. Because I love nachos. I'm a big nacho guy. share them but it would be like dressed every trip ah now that i'm on board with with salicus and i went to a mexican place in his hood and they did that yeah because i love nachos i'm a big nacho guy i like it and i love the mixture like i love jalapenos i love black olives i love a little sour cream on there yeah i love the salsa i love a shitload of cheese like it is to me the feel good communal food yes yeah bar You're at a bar. You're watching the game. You're with friends.

You got a couple beers. I love nachos. I'm just worried because I don't want a plain chip. The chip, to me, is the vehicle for the chili, the sour cream, the jalapeno, the black bean, the cheese, guac, whatever it is. It's just a vehicle for me. Yeah. And so if I get a chip without the same amount as the middle guy i'm bummed well this is a metaphor for something bigger i mean you have like a bernie sanders approach here nachos here

i mean we got jeff bezos over here it's smothered in cheese and black olives we got someone over here this is the food stamps of nachos it's got nothing going on yes yes exactly exactly this nachos on medicaid and this guy owns Tahiti. It's not fair. But yeah, Bezos, or no, Bill Gates. Yeah, divorce. I just saw Melinda on Bumble. No, that was a tweet. But yeah, yeah, how about that, huh?

I was hanging out with Will Silvins. He drove me home last night, and he was like, it's so weird. I thought women liked money. Like, why would she break up with him? I thought women liked rich guys. I'm like, they do until they get the money. She's got half of it. So she doesn't need him now.

Well, it's funny. When Bezos, he got divorced, his wife, I think, became like the second richest person. That's hilarious that you're that rich, that the person you divorce becomes the next richest person. That's impressive. Yeah, so true. I know. And then if you go on a date with them, I hope she pays. I mean, let's be honest.

She got to get that bill. That's hilarious. Can you imagine going on a date with her and you reach for your wallet? She doesn't even go for the purse. You're like, all right, fuck. Come on. I know you have Microsoft. Yeah, that made me Microsoft.

When God closes the door, he opens the windows. Baby. Jokes. I mean, yeah, she really, he opens the windows. Baby. Jokes. I mean, yeah, she really, that's such a weird thing. I mean, part of me is like, if they can't make it, that is weird. I agree. Because you think like, there's not a better couples counselor you can afford. Right.

They got the best person if they tried. And they've got the best home. They got the best cars. They got the best care. They got the best everything if they tried Good point And they've got the best home They've got the best cars They've got the best care They've got the best everything But that's the problem When your home is too big I feel like that could hurt a marriage

Interesting It's almost like if your bed is too big Ah, interesting You're not cuddling Interesting You've kind of got a distant thing going on Yeah, that's true It's so easy to be in a bad marriage

If you've got an 18 bedroom Yeah But then You're not sleeping on the couch You're sleeping in the other fucking sweet bed It's so easy to be in a bad marriage if you've got an 18 bedroom. Yeah. But then. You're not sleeping on the couch. You're sleeping in the other fucking sweet bed. That's true. But on the flip side, if you, you know, me and my gal lived in this tiny studio slash one bedroom and we were at each other's throats because it's too small. So there is.

Too small is way worse. It's way worse. I think there's a happy medium, you're saying, because most people think the bigger the better. But there's a middle ground. Yeah. I think there's a happy medium, you're saying. Because most people think the bigger the better. But there's a middle ground. Yeah. I think you got something there. Yeah. I think reasonably big, but also you want to see the person.

Yeah, I guess so. Tim Burton. Look this one up there, here. Or Matt. Tim Burton is married to Helena Bonham Carter, and they have two houses. Not anymore. They're divorced. Okay. Well, when they were together, they had two houses. I'm fairly sure. Maybe they're two houses. Not anymore. They're divorced. Okay.

Well, when they were together, they had two houses. I'm fairly sure. Maybe they're still together. You know what? I think. Maybe they never got married. No, she was with Kenneth Branagh. Oh, really?

Yeah. She's got an interesting taste. Both houses split. They lived next door to each other and they each had their own house. It says they split. Okay. They split. next door to each other and they each had their own house says they split okay they split but at the time see look they had a london home next door to one another and they were linked so they had like a little tunnel connecting but they had their own houses pretty interesting interesting i kind of like that i mean that's not it's kooky i mean but you that's what you expect yeah yeah and you expect expect Johnny Depp in the third house to just walk out with like 90 scarves and just be like, hey guys.

Right. It's just a weird- She really, she's a great actress. Great actor. She was on The Crown recently. That's right. That's right. She's, yeah.

I mean, obviously Fight Club, all of Tim Burton's movies she's in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she's got a kooky vibe for sure. It's cute when two kooks get together. Yeah. You know, like the weird kid in your high school who's like the artsy goth kid starts hooking up with like the suicide girl and you're like, all right, that's good.

You guys are both weirdos and cutters and all that. That is cute. Yeah, it's kind of like the jock and the prom queen. You know, I like when those people meet. You're rooting for them. Yeah. That's the whole basis for Us Weekly. What do you mean?

Well, you're rooting for these two actors to get together. You know what I mean? If two people you like start dating, you're like, oh, good for them. It is fun. And then you get to picture them fucking. You're like, wow, Timberlake is fucking Cameron Diaz. What's that like? That's exciting.

That's an old issue right there. I haven't been to the dentist in a while.phrey bogart and lauren mccall i'm like geez mark you're really wow liz taylor looks great uh when's the last time you've been to the dentist by the way it's been a long long time me too it's comedy well my parents had me on this thing back when i was younger where i'd go twice a year and i hated it obviously it's you know but now you look back you're like that you're like, that was a good deal. That was a good deal. I hated it.

My dad was like, you're going to miss this one day when you're a broke cunt or whatever. I'm like, ah, shut up, Dad. You don't get me. And then cut to me at 37. I'm like, shit, I better clean it. I just picture your new dad. I just picture being a really bright guy, just being like, you fucking broke cunt. Piece of shit.

He's putting on aftershave, hitting my mom. No, it's true. I got to go. And this is comedy in a nutshell. This is how sad this is. I'm going out to some gig somewhere, I think Tacoma or Seattle, whatever. And no, Spokane. And the guy, my opener, Andrew, goes, there's a guy, a dentist who does a podcast.

And he gives you a cleaning while he does the podcast. Do you want to do it? I'm like, I'll do it because I get a free cleaning where is it it's i think it's in spokane i'm there i'm going there let me know get him on dennis dennis pod but that's how fucked up we are that i'm like oh i'll do a podcast for the cleaning holy shit yeah that's how bad it's getting i'm like you did his podcast prostate. I had to get older. Yeah, exactly. You got a colonoscopy?

Yeah, it was a web series. I had to do it. Yeah, it's true. But I'll take it. I'll take a cleaning. I mean, I'm scared. Do you floss? I don't make a habit out of it, but I always think of Hedberg's joke where how hard is it to quit smoking?

It's as hard as it is to start flossing. I think about that all the time. Great joke. But I did last night, but I don't always do it. It's like, man, that's how you know you've got a drinking problem. Like, you know you've never flossed. Because you're just drunk. You're like, ah.

You're drunk. Drunks barely brush their teeth before bed. They fall face first down. Yeah. I try to. I'm going to try to. My mom i try to i try to i'm gonna try to my mom says this to me all the time make sure to floss it's such a mom thing to say yeah floss and take your vitamins my mom's hilarious with the vitamins because she'll tell me vitamins taken she's like what are you taking i tell her oh i'm taking uh genius mushrooms also the pills

i take uh valerian to go to bed my mom's like what are these i'm like you're telling me to take fish oil yeah well what do you think yours are fucking proven in fact i think fish oil is good fish oil is good it's good for the joints valerian is good i think for your uh it calms you before bed it's good to take it's like i think magnesium is good before bed too yeah i've heard that but i mean uh it's all zinc is good yes i feel like zinc is like number one. I feel like zinc just keeps you from getting really sick. Yeah. Zinc is big. I should be taking all these,

but then some people are like vitamins aren't real. Yeah. You know, but then they're like professional wrestling and Scientology is not the Holocaust. But yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Wait,

hold on. I had some, what were we talking about? Four vitamins. Uh, Harry shit. Oh, that's interesting. Wait, hold on. I had something. What were we talking about before vitamins? Harry. Shit. Oh, we're all spaced out. Hell in a bottom, Carter.

Nah, after that. People are getting furious at us right now. Oh, shit. Sorry. Matt. Ah, he's jerking off. He's checked out. Oh, damn it.

I had something before vitamins. Ah, it's gone. All right. Dentist. Dentist. Oh, flossing. Nice. We did it. We got it back. Teamwork. With the boo's gone. Alright. Dentist? Dentist. Oh, flossing! Nice. We did it. We got it back. Teamwork. With the booze, mind you.

And we got it for the sober people. You know that flossing stick now that they have? Yeah. That little like claw thing. Some say it's not good for you. Oh, really? Yeah. Interesting. I like those things better. I love that thing thing because this thing with

the you know the string and you're getting this shit on your fingers i hate it but the claw thing to me stuff like that gives me hope in humanity because it's like we had this string for 500 years whatever the hell floss has lasted all of a sudden we're flossing 500 years ago i assume people are getting in there with like a you know maybe. Maybe a toothpick sort of thing. A twig or a toothpick or yeah, something, a root. 1815. Okay. So 100 something, 200 years, we'll say. Yeah.

And change. It's hilarious. You're using twigs. You're like, yeah, you just got an even worse disease in your gums from the twig. Oh, wow. Invented in New Orleans. I never knew that. Put that in your cap there, Nola.

But the claw thing is such a great improvement on floss, and that just came out, what, 15 years ago, whatever it is? I love that kind of shit because you think we have it all hammered down. This is how it's supposed to be, and then we come out with something better. And to me, that is a great sign about humans. That's a good point. You know what I like about the claw, too? You could flip it around and poke things.

I mean, it's kind of got the double weapon there. It's got the double thing, yeah. The claw is genius, and I'm trying to think of other things like that, you know, that we keep upgrading over time. The razor, maybe. Yeah, the razor. I don't feel like the razor's made. Like, it's funny. For all the upgrades we've made in the razor, we always go back to the single blade.

Yeah, the single blade is big. For all the progress, you're like, this one's got five blades. You're like, is that not too much? Right, right. Five? I'm trying to kill myself here, folks. And that razor, you can't cut. So I got a good rec for you, and this isn't my rec for the week.

It's not my rec for the week. Okay. But just a rec in general for shaving. I think it's called Tenskin. And it's if you get razor bumps. I get razor bumps all the time. Oh, I do. I have do of skin put a little there on you you're good interesting 10 skin it's in a blue bottle 10 skin seed and smith turned me on to it okay great great i love it uh good because i kind of like razor burn because it hides the herpes no i'm just kidding uh i get

if you don't have herpes though then it just looks like you have herpes, Mark. Yeah, good point. Good point. Let's give our rec because I feel like we're going down the barrel here. I got a weird one today. Love a weird rec. Okay. I'm going to shout out. Now, I'm giving a restaurant, but it's a chain, so I think it's nationwide. I love it.

Restaurants are hurting. This is a great idea. Well, I don't know if this one's hurting because it is a you know probably a multi-million dollar whatever but the restaurant kava i love kava is that today so they have the hummus in the middle eastern type they got all that and it's like it's like chipotle style where exactly you go down the line you go i want that i want the base i want the quinoa i want the cauliflower i want the meatballs i want the stewedinoa. I want the cauliflower. I want the meatballs. I want the stewed chicken. Whatever it is. My favorite is the pickled onions and the pickled beets.

Oh, yeah. And that's all free at the end. You get the cilantro and the pickled onions and the cabbage and the olive mix or whatever the hell it is. Get some kava. It's a little expensive, but maybe that's in New York. It's like you end up- It's great.

You end up spending like 13 bucks, but it is so filling. You're full after. You're satisfied. Your breath is horrible, but I love Cava. Shout out to Cava. Yeah, it's great. There used to be a place kind of like it in the East Village when I was a young comic and trying to get a cheap meal.

They give you a huge pita, and you've got unlimited stuff in there. So I would literally keep getting the jam shit in there, so I'd get the fattest meal for like five bucks. It was great. I remember that place. They did not last long because of people like me probably. But yeah, Kava is great. I'm a fan.

All right. Yeah, I was worried because people get weird about chains and shit. But I don't want to say some random New York restaurant because I feel like Kava is everywhere. They've got the jalapeno hummus. Yes. It's great. I love middle eastern food and uh and it's a nice mix because chains tend to be mcdonald'sy or wendy'sy or whatever or just

salad or chopped or whatever but this is like interesting weird different kind of tastes and foods and and spices you ever sometimes i was trying to be healthy and i'll like let me order chopped i'm lazy and like i'm not gonna spend 26 in going to spend $26 on a salad. It's crazy. It's insane. It's a smart business move because you just think with your stomach and you just go down the line. You're like, I'll have salmon. Yeah, I'll have ham. I'll have egg.

And then before you know it, it's $19.99. I love the choose your own adventure style of eating, though. I love the picking and choosing. Yeah. Some people are very against it in the times of COVID because, you know, but I'm like, they're wearing a mask. I think we're fine. Yeah. That's another great innovation. I think we're fine. Yeah. That's another great innovation.

I love when things get innovated. Like sushi was like a big deal when I was getting sushi. You had to go to a restaurant. The guy would bow and everything was like pristine, you know, and it was music. He'd sacrifice his kid with a samurai sword. Like, this is strange. Yeah, there was like a weird little waterfall in the side and, you know, some guy had a samurai sword.

And now it's like like you get a sushi little little plastic thing at the uh grocery store and it's solid true i'd be a sushi 90s sushi just playing my heart will go on with a pan flute you're like all right yeah exactly it's great there was some weird kid meditating on a bamboo rug you know it was so it was so intense and now sushi's like ah sushi yeah so you know you get a fucking rite aid yeah yeah exactly it's great americans ruin everything i know we make everything quick cheap and easy which richard jenny used to have a great bit about how the french have the croissant and we in america we go yeah take your croissant with

your fat bastard underrated comedian incredible check out richard jenny platypus man if you haven't and steaming pile of me is great too one of the funniest yeah so funny so funny my rec this is gonna sound crazy i love it i had never seen this movie before it is an american classic and i am ashamed of but sometimes there's so many classics we have so many great american movies that some are gonna slip through the cracks and this is one of them jaws oh amazing 1975 the first summer blockbuster mind you incredible incredible and i've seen scenes of it but i'd never seen it start to finish and i was so ashamed i was like let me just take a night i was embarrassed that i've never seen it i'll tell you another thing post-covid it plays so interestingly

and like you know the politician who like won't shut down the beach right man this makes this is so relevant now yes interesting good call he won't sit down the beach even though it's dangerous and you're like fuck this is like a tourist season think about all the cities that are hurting right it's tough yeah and also it's a message that people are the same. We think we're all high and mighty and new age, but everything's just repeating itself. People are all fucked up. It's also weird to watch that movie and be like,

man, I'd kill for just to be a shark. I know, right? I can just stay out of the water and be fine. That's it. Could still tour, no worries. Yeah. By the way, sharks kill less people than cows. But we just haven't...

Sharks are kind of like the black people of the sea. Everybody's like scared of them, but they're not even killing that many people. All right. Dangerous road we're taking here. Yeah, sorry. That's defending... You know, it's sexier if it's this, if it's like a racial thing. But it's actually...

Oh, okay. Jaws, so good. And that's a young spielberg and the shark had so there's all these books and stories about jaws like the shark barely worked that's why they had to use it so little because it was this big machine that was shitty and uh that's why they show it less but that worked showing it less made it more more enticing and more imagination kicked in you know fear is better when it's in your mind that's it's a great point special effects won't always age well yeah but psychological stuff it fucks with you i mean that's why psycho is so great that's why like certain classics you want to make the shining yeah and also a lot of foreplay you know just like oh god here it comes, that wasn't it.

Oh, no, that wasn't it. And then the big crescendo at the end. I mean, beautiful. Well, who's the actor, the main guy in that with the glasses? Roy Scheider. He's great. He's great. Yeah.

French Connection. Yes. Great New York movie. Oh. If you haven't seen. Great. I think the greatest car chase scene maybe in movie history. French Connection.

The Gene Hackman car chase scene. Under the bridge. Where they're going subway to subway. I'm like, oh my God. Oh, that one. Yeah, that's amazing. That was like a perfectly orchestrated, the whole thing, everything was perfect timing wise

and just gritty. Then we've gotten rid of the grit in movies. Look at that. I mean, remember that scene where there's a guy trying to rape a lady and he stops it? And oh, my God, he goes to the basketball court to shake down the black guy. I mean, just look at this. This is unbelievable.

This is like 1971, I want to say. Yeah. And they're chasing. This is on the subway in New York. I mean, this is great stuff. This is thrilling. This is before rules and regulations. And look at it go.

I mean, it's like the pace of the scene uh it's really crazy yeah gene hackman is one of the coolest actors ever like yeah really just you know fun fact about gene hackman he was cast as mr robinson in the graduate what mike nichols i could see that Yeah, but he was too young. Ah, that makes sense. So there was a day where Dustin Hoffman's like, man, because Mike Nichols fucked with Dustin Hoffman the whole time on that show. Oh, really?

And Dustin Hoffman's like, I'm doing a horrible job. I can't, they hate me. I'm doing horribly. It was like his big break and I'm doing horribly. And Gene Hackman's like, nah, they're going to fire me. And he's like, what are you talking about? You're amazing. He's like, nah, I got a feeling.

Later that day, he got fired. And it was because Mike Nichols is like, he's too young are you talking about you're amazing he's like he's like nah i got a feeling later that day he got fired and it was because my nickels like he's too young no one's gonna buy him he's like eight years older than yeah it makes sense and hoffman it makes sense that's so funny that these actors were nervous you know we see them as such legends and they're like i'm out they hate me yeah but can you picture young like picture not famous dustin hoffman right five foot five like i don't think he's just like i'm the shit yeah he was like fuck yeah no i i get it it makes sense but he i just re-watched that too he killed it and uh mrs robinson apparently in the movie is like 38 and she's like this old lady so funny yeah and bancroft was hot in that movie oh so hot so sexy great great one of the great i mean talk about great american movies

of all time like yeah the graduates fucking incredible and they were trying to they were trying to sell it as like a sex comedy in the 60s because the studio had no confidence in it oh damn best picture of the year i think i think i think it won best picture did it yeah i think it was 68 academy awards harry check it out uh it definitely was nominated i don't know if it won Best Picture. Did it? Yeah, I think it was 68 Academy Awards, Harry. Check it out. It definitely was nominated. I don't know if it won. Yeah. Great movie, though.

It's got the Truffaut influence. It's very French, New Wave vibe. Yeah. I think that was one of the first times it came over here and hit the mainstream. Did it win Best Oscar, Harry? Best Director. Best Director. What won that year? 68, I think.

I seriously just fucking read a book about this and I don't remember what won. Mike Nichols had a run. He's a fun story because he has a rare disease and he lost all his hair when he was like 16. Married to Diane Sawyer. What? From Louisville, Kentucky.

But yeah, so his whole life is a piece. He's wearing a piece. No shit. And it's a great hair piece. In the heat of the night. In the heat of the night. Great movie. Great movie.

And turned into a TV show that I hated. I grew one best actor that year and couldn't get a job afterwards. Oh, wow. Is that right? Yeah. Showbiz, man. In the heat of the night. Wow. Showbiz Yeah. Showbiz, man. If we're in the heat of the night. Wow.

Showbiz sucks. Showbiz fucking sucks. And here's another reason showbiz sucks. That year, In the Heat of the Night and what's the other one with Sidney Poitier, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, both nominated. Such different racial stories. Oh, yeah. So true. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner is like the Hollywood eyes bullshit. Yeah, right. We're good people, but you're really 12 years behind at best. Like. So true. Guys who come to dinner is like the Hollywood eyes. Yeah. Bullshit.

Like. Right. We're good people, but you're really 12 years behind at best. Right. Right. And then in the heat of the night, it's kind of like, it's still got problems, but it's a pretty gritty Mississippi cop movie. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. That is a gritty, dark, fucked up, twisted movie. But great. Check it out. We should do a bit. Oh, we should do a bit. I feel do a bit i feel like yeah we ran off on uh movies on this app we run all over the place buddy that's the joy of this pod i never did peeves oh all right give me a peeve and i'll give you i got two peas but i'll go i'll pick one all

right now this is a maybe a part of a bigger thing but i i i think it's a bad sign i was hanging out with a guy last weekend you know the guy who hates anyone who's better than him you know like they go oh this guy's every comedian of all time well it's okay to be like oh i gotta work on that or he's better than me at that i suck but i hate the uh oh he's got that fuck him yeah like oh this guy's killing it oh he's go ah fuck that guy i'm like well what, this guy's killing it. Oh, he's going to fuck that guy. I'm like, well, what do you mean? Fuck that guy. He just found a way to do great.

And you're hating on him already. It's like I get it's kind of a half joke. But like, oh, that guy's six to six to I'm five. Nine. Fuck that guy. Like, shut up. He didn't choose to be six to how about you make something of your life instead of just hating everybody that's doing better than you.

I don't love the go-to hate. It's a hard guy to be around. It is. It is. We're talking about yes and. That's a yes no. Yeah. Maybe I'm a minority here, but I don't understand the Elon Musk on SNL.

We act like this is the first unfunny guy to host SNL. We've had Trump. We've had athletes. I don't personally give a shit. I don't watch it. We've had Trump, we've had athletes. And I don't personally give a shit. I don't watch it. I don't give a shit either.

But I think the hate with him is like how billionaires have just become ultra wealthy during this pandemic. And most people have lost a shitload of money. So I think the hate is coming from a reasonable place where it's kind of like, you're rewarding this guy. I mean, how would you feel if Bezos hosted, you know? I think it's interesting know i think it's i think it's interesting i think it's interesting too but like you got to understand the hate too i guess for me it's like i think it's a genius ratings idea i think it is too because all these people are bubbling up so they're like well now i'll watch i'm not really watching snl but i'll

watch because of this yeah i mean i'm probably still not gonna watch i mean we work on saturdays and i just i don't really care that much. Well, I'll give it a YouTube, I mean, later. Yeah, I mean, I'm curious to see a monologue. I'd love to see a monologue. I'm curious to see what he does. I mean, I get the hate. I just don't really.

I personally am just like, sometimes those make for interesting episodes. Like, back in the day, Rudy Giuliani hosted SNL, and I thought it was really funny. Yeah, there you go. Sometimes it's fun to have a fish out of water moment in there. You know, this guy's a politician or a soccer player or something or forbes hosted one like what is this but it's kind of it mixes it up people like to kind of they add i and look i guess snl does have cultural relevance and especially political relevance and they got really mad when trump hosted yeah my issue is only when they when

people try to play both sides of it like i was you know just as a spectator i was like oh you're gonna bash trump every week but you had him host your show right to me the hypocrisy of it is like a little like all right but i also think like you know it is an entertainment show yeah exactly it is there to get ratings yes it is hard to get right i mean this is how bad snl has to get ratings and it's like not i mean they have an incredibly talented cast and they still get like jim carrey to come in and do a character right you're not telling me that someone on the cast can't do fucking biden better than jim carrey yeah get carvey back in there dana carvey's joe biden kills is incredible and it's kind of a throwback like hey these older

guys are pros don't forget about them these guys killed in their in their prime and still killed to this day and there's like a real youthful vibe on snl which i get that's always how it's been not for primetime players but let's not sleep on these uh these geezers because they're they're killers i'm such a big Dana Carvey fan. Love Dana Carvey. He was in this movie when I was a kid called Opportunity Knocks

and it's like, it's not a good movie, but I love it. Is that the one where he's in an LA apartment with a hot lady? Yeah, dude. Yeah, I saw that.

He's a con man. The premise is ridiculous. He's a con man and he and his friend are robbing a house and it's a really fancy house. Yeah. And they get a voicemail.

Ah, I guess I'm not going to get to meet you you and get the house set for two weeks and they look at each other like party and they take over the house and he's he's a con man and robert logia is like a guy he ends up like climbing the ladder at robert logia's company and he's like i like you there's something i see in you like and then he falls in love with his daughter and right but like dude i think it fucked up his film career a little bit because he got paid stupid money for it oh yeah and it's just bomb but i watched i was like man dana carvey is so fucking charismatic oh he's great he's a talent he's a beast he's great and i mean he did a movie about where he was like turtle turtle what

was that movie where oh master in disguise yeah it's a horrible movie it's a piece of flaming pile of dog shit but he's great in it yeah he's amazing i mean wayne's world one and two world the church lady i mean so even his stand-up special was good chopping broccoli yeah the ross perot can i finish can i finish all that was great he did like every president he did every president bush is incredible bush is great he was great yeah big fan of the carve one of the greats he's he's probably my fave five snl guys ever i think oh really he's gotta be it makes sense it makes sense phil hartman too for sure all right what do you got on uh p all right um fuck i wrote one down let me see but the snl thing with musk it's

like i get it but it's just weird when the cast members like i'm not going on i'm protesting like this is what what it is like well yeah that's me protesting it's kind of like all right well you're not gonna last you know like choose your battles but also uh are you that bothered but he's also you do this to get ratings i mean that's the point and it's TV people are talking about it mission accomplished there you go um

okay this is one it's less than a peeve it's kind of funny to me but it's still a peeve I'm like I'm on like an elevator and there's a white guy

just like rapping loudly just like rapping to his music with his headphones in I hate it already and I wanted to just turn and be like hey excuse me

uh I work for a record company you've got the goods To his music with his headphones in. I hate it already. And I wanted to just turn to him and be like, hey, excuse me. I work for a record company. You've got the goods. That's why you're doing this, right? Because you want people to notice you're an amazing fucking rapper. Exactly. It's ridiculous. Is he pronouncing like, hey, guys, I'm going to do a rap. Here's my hat for some money.

No, he's just like. Oh. Oh, God. This guy's out to lunch. I hate this guy. He's just rapping loudly. Mark Norman's comedy special, out to lunch. Check it out.

That's a good way to work. That's the whole point is that I'm out to lunch. But yeah, that's horrific. He's rapping loudly. I hate this guy. I don't like people. I did a peeve on this last week where it's like I don't like people taking over common space. Yes.

It's always been a peeve of mine. Have some respect for everybody. There's something about it. Then again, I choose to live in New York City. So it's a pretty fucking dumb peeve to have. But these aren't things that I can't take. These are peeves. They're peeves.

Yeah. You sit there and you deal with it. But my question is, let's say you started rapping. Like there's that great curb moment where a guy's on a Bluetooth at a restaurant just alone. And so Larry starts going, and then I did this. And then he's talking to himself. And the guy's like, what are you doing? He's like, what are you doing?

What's the deal? He's like, I'm talking to somebody. He's like, what's the difference? You can't see who I'm talking to, whatever. And that's how I feel like you should start rapping in front of this guy and see how he likes it. Fake rap battle? Yeah, fake rap battle. Give him a taste of what's what. And then go go a hippie to the hop to the hip i'm at a hippie to the hop what subway stop are you going to to jew i got nothing you never see people they're always blasting rap on the subway you never see

someone like hold up a speaker it's's just like James Taylor or some shit. That's true. James Taylor fans are quiet. Yeah, they don't really make noise. But yeah, rapping out loud on the subway, it takes a little balls and vulnerability to go, hey folks, if you like my rap, give me a buck or whatever. But to just do it outright like that.

It wasn't even his. He was just singing along to the music with his headphones on. No, if it was his own, I'd have a little more respect. Yeah, yeah. That's what I thought he was doing his own shit. I saw a guy on the subway once come on and started reading poetry,

and I'm like, man, you've got some balls. Yeah. Poetry's got, you gotta have balls. Nobody likes poetry. Nobody. Nobody's going to a poetry slam or a stand-up poetry or a poetry club. It's tough. It is, it is it is yeah i mean

that save that shit for your girlfriend or a love letter and you better be doing it during a breakup you do it to win her back don't break it out casually yes oh it wasn't his or was it it was his oh man that's tough yeah poor guy what give me a bit all right right. I got two ideas. So I'll just do one because we're running low here. But I got this whole bit about how men are horny. And this is raw. I don't know where to go with it. So bear with me. Men are horny.

It's raw and bare in the setup here. Yeah. Men are horny and it ruins us. Because women are like, hey, it sucks. I'm a woman. I get pregnant. I have to take time off. I have to raise a kid.

I might not be able to go far in my career because I get pregnant. I'm like, I get it. But men get horny and look how many careers that's ruined. It's like Epstein and Kobe and Cosby. If we didn't get horny, imagine the amount we would flourish. We have to deal with our horniness I wouldn't give examples because you're giving examples of rapists

I think that immediately is like it didn't ruin Kobe's career he came back from it he did come back something else ruined his career helicopter yeah then but it's definitely a hindrance yeah maybe pregnant is the wrong angle because that's like But it's definitely a hindrance. Yeah.

Maybe pregnant is the wrong angle. No, I think that's great. They're both biological. I like it. Well, this is biological. So is me being horny. That's very Mark voice. I also think, you know, I wouldn't even give examples. Look how many careers this has ruined.

You know, I was horny. It's tough. The tough thing is you have to make that. No one's like, I want to ruin my career. No man is like, I want to. Exactly. Well, he was really bad. He was also really horny.

Yeah, but you get no sympathy for horny. Yeah, that's a good point. But it is a biological thing. Like, your horniness. I get it. this is dicey waters because there's sexual harassment suits all the time and all that. No, but that's you at your best, I think, dicey waters. Yeah, and I'm not saying it's good.

I'm just saying it is a factor that we don't really include it in the debate. Men will jack off before a date to act like humans on the date. There you go. That's a great example it's so true yeah and then i feel like the ending of the bit could be like well i get pregnant i'm like how do you think you got pregnant i was horny that's the big i already got the ending but i need the middle the gooey middle nougat so i think that's something like it just i have a line in the beginning where i'm like men are hornier than women and women go no and I go ladies you've never gone to a family reunion go I would do it you know and that kills so like that

kind of shows like what we're willing to do because of our horniness men are fucking animals we're fucking relatives because we're that's how bad it is I'll tell you what ruins a career is fucking a family member yeah look at Woodyody allen right exactly look at woody allen exact perfect example but again he's like a bad guy it's tough i think you have to make it like i think you have to say just like generic me too because that way the mind doesn't go straight to hopefully a rape maybe it does still it's tough that's why it's tough because no one has because you don't want to sound like you're defending a rapist. I don't want to be that guy.

You want to sound like you're defending the horniness. Yeah, yeah. But horniness. Look how much I'm horny as hell. Look how much I get done. Yeah. I do two podcasts. I do The Road.

I do four shows a night. You know how many times I jacked off today? I know, but you get no sympathy. I have another bit about sex workers. I'm like, I've been supporting them for years. And everybody's like, oh, that doesn't count. I'm like, well, you support this group and that group. I've been paying this girl's rent.

Just because I'm getting blown doesn't mean I'm not a hero. All right, maybe there's nothing there. But I'm working on it. I think sex workers are becoming more and more accepted. It it. I think sex work is becoming more and more accepted. It is. I think it's becoming more legal and more accepted. People still, I remember I saw a comic once on stage say he paid for sex, and it wasn't even true. It was like a misdirect, but he said that, and it got like a big aww.

Yeah. People. From women, too, by the way. I bet also no one would even believe that. Like, you're a good-looking guy, I think, you know? Yeah, I've never actually gotten a prostitute, but I like the idea that, like, you're all of a sudden, it's like a weird gray area of, are you a good guy or not?

But I'm like, I've been helping this whore out. Right. But you're still. So maybe don't make it about you. So if I were to do this, I think maybe it's a better observational joke, because it's not true. I think maybe you're losing people.

Like, I don't think that's true. Man, maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. All right. I'll just make it about a general, the idea of it. I think, yeah. I think the other bit too, it's like, it's a great, I love the horny versus pregnant thing.

I think that's great. I mean, they're both things. Maybe go, they're both things that ruin careers. Yeah. True. Difference is a women can come back. They can come back from being pregnant. Yeah.

And you get paid to be gone. No guy gets paid to leave because he was horny. That's good. Except maybe Bill O'Reilly. I think he got a nice settlement. Yeah, yeah. But Nick Griffin has that great bit about, like, I called in horny to work. So I'm trying to, which is such a killer bit.

Yeah, he's a beast. Check that out if you haven't seen it. I think it's on Letterman or Colton. Yeah, he's one of the best. But, yeah, I don't want to delve into that whole pond. But, yeah, I think there's something there. All right. And I just want to keep it away from, like, abusive men or whatever bad men.

For sure. All right, what do you got? So this is a weird one. This is, like, a riff the other night and it hit and i think this could be a bit someone was telling me in the crowd that she had a pet tarantula and i said man you know you got a shitty pet when the second it gets out of the cage you think i guess i gotta kill it that's funny you know what i mean like you have a you have a guinea pig it gets out of the cage you're like oh look at it your tarantula gets out you're like put your fucking mouth on the curb you know yeah so true i i feel similarly and i don't know if i'm going off

off the rails here but with uh you know some people i see with dogs with muzzles i'm like this is your pet you have to put a muzzle on it you know like just to hang out with it just to go to the park you have to put a muzzle on what's What's the point? Yeah. Why don't you adopt Hannibal Lecter for fuck's sake? Exactly. Exactly. You're hanging out with a murderer or a violent being. So yeah. Yeah.

Right when it gets out, you got to kill it. It's the same with people with snakes. This thing gets out. You're done. It's such a weird status thing where people have like a pet tiger. Remember Mike Tyson, a pet tiger. And you're just like, I understand this makes you feel powerful. But what won't make you feel powerful if that thing gets out of its cage yeah you're gonna feel like kind of a pussy yeah i wonder if there's an analogy of like you know

those people who have boyfriends are like he's great at home but i can't take him anywhere it's the same with that like he's great in the in the aquarium thing but you can't let it out yeah not a great pet you want to be able to you literally can't let it out. Yes. It's not a great pet. You want to be able to... You literally can't do the thing that it's named after, which is pet it. It's a pet. You can't pet it. It's a stay away.

Yeah. I'm getting too 80s. But yeah, that's interesting. You have to deal with these rotary phones. They got a cord on it. Hmm. Can't even let it out of the box it's kept in yeah it's too violent that's something you should you don't want a scary pet like why would you get a scary pet your pet shouldn't want to kill you yeah that's the whole the whole point of a pet is love and companionship and you know cuddling and all that.

And you can't even do that. So you're just really keep, you're just enjoying having a murderer in your home. You're like, look at this murderer. I got it in my house. That's the fun part. Yeah, I should ask you. I want to see what your boyfriend's like. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. Can't take him anywhere. Every time I let him out, he kills somebody. There's something. I'll crack this. There is something. First part hit. There's something there for sure.

Yeah, when I did it as a ref, it killed. I think it could work. And I did it the next night and it hit, but it needs a little more, I think. Yeah. The animal. Animals are, it's weird the different types of animals, you know? Ferret is weird. Honestly, unless you have a dog or cat, it's a little weird.

I agree. Even goldfish is a little weird. Yeah. You want a pet that, like, it's going to die that soon? Don't get me started on a parrot. This thing's got to sit in a cage. Any bird. Any bird.

They can't fly. That's their whole purpose in life. Just birds are weird. I know. Parrots are like fucking, life. Just birds are weird. I know. Parrots are like fucking, it's like having an Alexa. They're listening. True. It's an Alexa that doesn't know anything.

It can talk, but you're like, hey, you can't ask the parrot the weather. It goes, fuck you, or whatever. Yeah, at least Alexa has information. I bet the mafia doesn't have parrots. You don't want a bird that can testify. It was him. Yeah's that's funny there could be some parrot that parrot election thing i like maybe but the tarantula is interesting why would you want a pet that'll kill you have you i've never seen a tarantula that i liked. No. I've never seen like positive tarantula PR, even in a movie. When has it ever been like, oh, cool, tarantula.

Yeah. There's no Pixar about a friendly tarantula. Yeah, they did. Pixar was able to pull off a friendly rat. They couldn't do a friendly tarantula. Good point. Yeah. Even in Home Alone, the tarantula got out and it bit one of the bad guys.

That was the high end. I guess that's good, though. You do want to bite a bad guy. I guess. But even then, you're kind of rooting of the bad guys that was the high end i guess that's good though you do want to bite a bad guy i guess but even then you're kind of rooting for the bad guys right yeah because you relate to them it's the scariest these guys are home invaders and you're like fuck that bug yeah yeah the tarantula that's true i don't get any of those pets the snake tarantula anything that's vicious dog or cat or really and if I guess guinea pigs are kind of cute, too. They're kind of funny animals. Sure, sure.

But like dog, cat, guinea pig, and maybe if you're like... Maybe a hamster, I guess. Maybe a hamster, I guess, yeah. Yeah, but... I mean, not my favorite, but... No, I get it. I'm with you. Dog or cat are my...

Yeah. Agreed. So, yeah, I'm with you on the tarantula. I'm just trying to find the turn. Trying to find the... I got enough to play with here. This is just a riff and a... I think I got a few angles here to play with.

It's got legs. All right. Eight of them. Okay. Well, plug some dates. We're going to be... Oh, yeah. I'm all over the road here.

Houston, Albany, Syracuse, Buffalo, Portland. All these clubs. You know what's a bummer is these clubs I you know it's a bummer is these clubs they don't put the link up for a while so I get all these tweets

like when's the link going up I'm like I don't know you gotta fight them man you gotta fight them Virginia Beach all kinds of good stuff Toledo oh that could be weird

City of Glass Philly the glass manufacturing city Dayton Arlington Brea in uh is that right west palm beach oh you got some good improv coming up yeah i got a lot of those same rooms coming up i got salt lake this month nice i got arlington virginia this month i'm bringing anthony devito

to salt lake i'm bringing devita to arlington gary vitor a boy. I got Albany, I got Tampa, I got Raleigh, I got a ton of shit. Oh, good clubs. Yeah, all good clubs. I'm so pumped on my tour schedule. Go to samarill.com slash shows. I'm going Portland too. I'm doing Kentucky all over the fucking map. Nice. Lexington? Yeah, baby. That's a fun room.

One of the all-time classic clubs. I saw your name on the wall. Yeah, Comedy Off-Broadway. Classic. Classic club. Bring Ron on Hirshberg to that one. Oh, nice. I saw your name on the wall. Yeah, Comedy Off-Broadway. Classic. Classic club. Bring it on on Hirshberg to that one. Oh, nice. I got Dina Hashem with me in Tampa. I'm bringing great comics on the road with me,

so you're getting a great show. Hell yeah. Oh, Orlando too. So yeah, Boston too. All kinds of fun stuff. There you go. Let's fucking go. We're coming.

We're on the road, baby. We're back on the road. On the road again so yeah tell a friend spread the word send your peeves we might be drunk pod at gmail drink wrecks somebody sent me a drink reg is like you're gonna love this it's gin and ice i was like get the hell out of here fuck that shit yeah i don't know if he was being funny or what but uh i gotta kick out of it funny and then we got yeah, follow our Instagram page. We're promoting a lot of comics we like in there.

We got clips coming. We're recording this at Gotham Studios in New York City. They're doing such a great job here on 38th Street. We love them. Love the setup. We got Harry producing. We got Matt in the booth. We're rocking.

We're rolling. I feel good about this. We'll keep boozing. I like this. You pick one round. I pick the next round. Love it. For episodes, it's fun.

Love it. Yeah, I feel weird. I had to carry a bunch of liquor in my backpack all day. It's like, what am I, 16? I know. This is crazy. Exactly. Give me some Taka and a Gatorade bottle, and we'll go to a concert.

Limp Bizkit biscuits in town all right thanks folks thank you guys oh and subscribe to the patreon uh patreon.com slash we might be drunk pod we'll read your wrecks your jokes your peeves drinks all that shit can't wait to get at it and uh see you soon