We Might Be Drunk - Ep 233: Eric Andre

Starting point is 00:00:00 Are we rolling Salacuse? We're rolling! We're rolling? Yeah! Salacuse's nipples are hard. He loves when we roll. There we go! Guy always wants to roll! We should get you some molly, then you can roll. Alright, Rick Roll. What is Rick Roll? Remember that? Like Rick Ross, his cousin. Oh, wait. I don't know. Remember Rick Rolling? Yeah. It was like a prank or something. So you would play the Rick Astley song, you would send somebody a link and it would play the Rick Astley song instead. How old are you, Salacuse?

Starting point is 00:00:31 Never gonna give you up. Yes. Never gonna. Then the Rick Roll became the guy, the black guy with the dick. Remember that? No. No, that was the Buffalo Bill. Oh yes, the Rick Roll, you get the black guy with the long dick.

Starting point is 00:00:44 The San Francisco Chronicle. that was always the giveaway. We're doing a little Lagovo and 16 today. Treating ourselves. You know, every once in a while you gotta, I love rye whiskey, I love rye whiskey, but sometimes you gotta do, I love a Peaty Scotch. Oh, can't go wrong with Peaty Diabro. That is very, very nice.

Starting point is 00:01:02 16 year, I take it. That's clean, baby clean baby like Epstein ah He wouldn't go that old Good stuff, baby. Yes, very nice. I'm fired up. I'm fired up. We got the game tonight I'm I'm nervous This is a make or break right here. Yeah, it always is it always is although I remember seeing rocket and Nick game once and I was like I'm freaking it was the playoffs I'm freaking out what to do and he goes. Hey, we're playing in June. This is the best That's the attitude you got to keep you got to be grateful to stay in the playoffs been rewatching some early rock recently

Starting point is 00:01:40 The bad 90s rocks always been my number one. I think I think bring the pain might be my favorite It's incredible. That's three on three with a half court. No, that's bigger and blacker. Oh, geez. Sorry, man I've taken a lot of YMCA showers the last few months on the road. I don't love them. Don't love them No, I will tell you I was in a shower with like me Gary Brian and there was a there was a dude an old man next to us, and I said, Hey guys, listen to this, and I just let out a wail of a fart. And we all laughed, and you can tell this guy's like, what the fuck am I?

Starting point is 00:02:13 Yeah, that is awkward. It is awkward, but you gotta do the laugh for the boys. Of course, of course. And you're in a male locker room. I think a fart is okay. Farts, I think, should stay funny. I signed up for when I lived in New Orleans, they had the New Orleans Athletic Club. It's beautiful. Beautiful. It's been there since like 1808 or whatever so it's really cool but the showers have not been updated. Yeah. So you're like what am I

Starting point is 00:02:36 doing this mold from like you know the Nixon era in there and it's it's like communal everything's a trough you know It's like eight shower heads in one room, and you're like, oh, this shit sucks now. It's a cool idea. Hey, the old club, it's all kitschy. It's like weird. It's almost, you know what it feels like, one of those weird renovated apartments that doesn't work? Yes.

Starting point is 00:02:58 There's like weird little nooks everywhere, and you're like, it's like an eight bedroom. Right, right. Or something, you're like, what's going on here? But yeah, no. It looks good, but yeah, it's not functional. We or something. You're like what's going on here? But yeah. It looks good but yeah it's not functional. We went there and Veeder got injured because he was trying to be,

Starting point is 00:03:09 it'd be really funny if we did pull ups in front and behind each other. Yeah. You know for a funny post or something. I was like all right so he jumped in front of me not realizing that the pull up bars are like those monkey bar things. So there's another one in front of him

Starting point is 00:03:21 and he just craps his lip. He's bleeding everywhere and he's like, oh, I was like, oh man Yeah, I was like, all right. Well feel better. I'm gonna go try the coal punch He's like literally can't speak his lip is inflamed and we're all just like dude if you tried the sauna and the plunge Fucking great. I know they have those weird old machines like that Yeah, she went the wrap around and it just shakes you Remember that one? They thought it was there was medicine balls they got weird those giant it's like dumbbells but with a weird bar and then the old round brass balls on the side luckily whites only

Starting point is 00:03:55 that's really the only upside but that's the funny thing is you see like why people were not in good shape yes from those machines because by the way now you see a guy there who's just like a regular gym guy, and he looks better than bodybuilders in the 50s. That's true. You see what was like a ripped guy. Look at a dude with a shirt off in the 50s who was like a leading male.

Starting point is 00:04:13 Look at Jimmy Stewart's shirtless. You're like, what the fuck is this? There's no definition. It's smooth. And that guy was in the war. Yeah. Jimmy Stewart went to World War. I mean, these dudes were, I mean, Paul Newman

Starting point is 00:04:23 was kind of ripped. He was kind of shredded. But he was like one of the new ones right but now the old guys like because they were alcoholics They were all cuts and within for a different reason Age joke age joke Yeah, Perkins get AIDS. Yeah, he did. Oh crazy if you look up Anthony Perkins from psycho He died of AIDS and his wife died in like a crazy plane crash so that kid just like lost His parents in two. I think it was like the TWA crash his wife passed away in He was gay, but he was married to a woman

Starting point is 00:04:53 We're back then oh trade Center 9-eleven. Yes, what I mean? Oh, I thought it was a TWA, but yeah, whoa Whoa, yeah, so Norman Norman Bates fucking died of AIDS, man. Yeah. Awful, great actor. Great actor. Kind of couldn't get roles because I think he was so known as Norman Bates. Damn, he killed that role. He killed that role. Well, he made it to 60, that's something.

Starting point is 00:05:16 It's not great. Not great. But yeah, they also drank every day, they smoked. So yeah, it's hard to get a hot bod back then, I think. Yeah, but that was kind of what's fun about it is you just just got hammered and like Cary Grant wasn't doing sit-ups No guy was uh that's uh that's how much sex I had back then. He's like. I'll just fuck dudes I'm not gonna work. I'll just fuck women and men By oh Cary Grant was definitely by is that right? Oh, yeah, I didn't know that

Starting point is 00:05:43 Yeah I think the mob back then had like tapes of him. Like they would, like Mickey Cone and his guys would kind of like blackmail him and they'd be like, well, fucking we'll release the gay footage if you don't pay us money, yeah. All right, you want topical folks, you come to this pod.

Starting point is 00:05:57 Topical stuff, Cary Grant, Mickey Cone, we'll cover it. I got breaking Cary Grant news. In his personal life, He was dating Howard Hughes Whoa that confirmed that's what says here on the internet that why Howard Hughes is always hiding in the closet We think all this shit is new with the P. Diddy's and the Kevin Spacey's that shit's been going on for decades. Yeah everybody's had Fluid he did have a lot of baby oil he was a

Starting point is 00:06:30 cool dude very he was the Clooney of his day he really was like classy and could do you do humor what's that what's that really funny movie with him my his girl Friday no that's a great movie yeah but I was thinking of something else it was a more slapstick arsenic and old lace oh that's a great movie. Yeah. But I was thinking of something else. It was a more slapstick, Arsenic and Old Lace. Ooh. That's a funny, one of Michelle Wolfe's favorite movies. Ah. His Girl Friday is hilarious.

Starting point is 00:06:51 Hilarious. And it's like, the opening scene of that is just like a joke a minute. Like, you know who he is, he's like, it's one of Tarantino's favorites. That's why I watched it, because Tarantino talked about how much he loved it, and I was like, I gotta see it.

Starting point is 00:07:01 But so many fucking good zingers. His Girl Friday means like a fun girl? No, it's your right hand man but a woman. Oh. His Girl Friday. Yeah. It's a strange saying. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:16 It's got some darkness in it too, there's some darkness. But if I said like, his man Friday, it's his man Friday, that would make more sense. Really? I don't know, maybe not. Everything's a girl, she she's a beauty she runs well yeah I look it up yeah it's funny that I looked it up why they talk like that in

Starting point is 00:07:32 the old movies it was a transatlantic accent they call it like ah I'm out here see like that whole thing that's an accent that came really yeah all that shit is from the British I think New. New England-y. They all had that weird style of speaking. That Catherine Hepburn voice? Yes, yes. Yeah, see? Yes, exactly. What kind of cocktail are you making over there, Peters? Ooh, tropical. That's an interesting drink. I never touch rum. I'm not a rum guy. I don't go near rum unless I'm drinking like a piña colada

Starting point is 00:08:06 I don't mean to be disrespectful here to rum drinkers But when I meet an adult rum drinker who's not from like the Caribbean, I just think he's like an amateur I completely agree. I just look it's like what I would get fucked on about when I was like 13 I was like, oh rum and coke rum and coke Well, like it feels like an amateur like if I get heckled I got heckled by a dude once he was like I had much of rum. I'm like, of course you did you fucking Lightweight. What are you a pirate? Give me another bottle of rum, but but Eric I Eric seems like he could I don't think of him as an amateur drinker

Starting point is 00:08:35 Just the little I know of him. Yeah Why do that's gonna sound controversial but I give black guys like a little leeway with the booze Interesting you see a tough black guy was like some Tahiti blue nonsense with an umbrella and a fruit on it, I'm like, all right, if you were white, I would really call you a homo. But if you're black, I can let you slide with some of these hot pink drinks. That is fair, but I remember Mike Yard, our buddy from the comedy seller, black guy, was drinking a Bailey's Irish cream on the rocks once and I said, ooh I made a comment and he goes I could still whoop your ass There you go, and I was like you could but then you would celebrate with a Bailey's Irish cream

Starting point is 00:09:11 So it's not as cool. But it to me like people who drink Bailey's Irish cream straight up That's a weird like it's it's fine. It's a milkshake. It's a milkshake. Yeah Yeah, I would go white Russian over just like if I was doing so we never really do that on here What's a lot of dairy? It's a lot of dairy. Yeah, but it tastes good. It tastes great But two or three of them you're like exactly Lebowski kind of popularized Yeah And then you and then you had all these college kids being like welcome to bet we're gonna get fucked up on white Russians And by like the sixth one you're like, this was a horrible idea

Starting point is 00:09:41 Yeah, and a little redundant very is there is there a black guy that even makes sense Very redundant that doesn't make sense. Just redundant good point. It's like very unique. Yeah, no, it's redundant You you want to mix it up a little bit? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I agree, but they look great on camera I mean what a fucking movie that was god and you know, I feel like it got kind of Like it became uncool to say how good it is yes It was back. It was like it didn't crush in the movie theater on thing I think it's one of those like it blew up on DVD and DVD, but uh It's so good. It's dude. It's the big sleep

Starting point is 00:10:16 The big Lebowski is the big sleep instead of instead of a Philip Marlowe. It's a yeah, it's a burnout But it's the exact plot they used the big in the title I never saw that coming shit yeah oh fucking what's that I mean they admitted it yeah but yeah it's such dude DVDs we don't realize how good they were for cinema because they saved movies like this yeah so like hundreds of movies were saved because a DVD like office space was all DVD got passed around and it's an amazing movie So like I feel like Austin Powers blew up on DVD too. I saw that in the theater I did too, but I feel like a lot of people maybe maybe maybe grandma's boy was a big DVD DVD

Starting point is 00:10:56 Yeah, but yeah, it saves the movie and now they don't make these anymore So like they're not gonna make money, but the DVD was the parachute I got a factoid about Lebowski, that Lebowski is in every scene. Except one where they're in the diner plotting, how to like the. And the tow. Yes. But if you want to tell, I can get you a tow. But if you look at me till 2 p.m. If you look very closely, his car drives by in the background.

Starting point is 00:11:24 So he is in the scene. Ahhhh. Yeah. Domarera, a little cameo in that, remember? Yes. The limo driver. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Such a great movie.

Starting point is 00:11:34 Goodman in that movie is lights out. Every time he speaks. Yes. Every time he speaks, just that psychotic friend and Julianne Moore, that voice. We're talking about that transatlantic. Yes, yeah, that's it. She was sexy in that so sexy would you no question yeah I'd fuck Donnie Wilson Vince is Donnie by the way he is Donnie he goes who yeah talk for 20 minutes can't repeat everything that's a cut, no one knows who that is.

Starting point is 00:12:05 Wilsow Vince is our buddy, Haitian comedian. Are you into the redhead? Am I into the redhead? I am, because I think a redhead is like, it's like, Obviously depends on the head. It depends, but when it's done right, man, it's like, Oh, full bush.

Starting point is 00:12:23 Yeah. Muchy muchy. That's not Lebowski, right? No, that's right, it's like oh full bush yeah muchy muchy that's not that's not Lebowski no it's right it's uh I can't remember it's time to let those pale thighs see the light of day show off all the man meat by the pool this summer with chubbies line swim collection with Prince louder than your uncle at a barbecue that seemed racist, all right. Liners that keep chafing at bay and a comfy four-way stretch.

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Starting point is 00:13:03 They got the performance polos, the original stretch shorts, I love their stuff. Chubbies has what you need for the rest of your wardrobe, too. They got the performance polos, the original stretch shorts. I love it. And for when it's time to get in or out of the water, yeah, I mean this is... you love Chubbies. I love Chubbies. These pants are Chubbies. I wear half their shit. I got a great jean jacket from Chubbies. I mean, this is good stuff and the swimsuit stuff. Big fan. I love it. Yeah, whether you're getting dressed for a weekday, a workout, or a weekend getaway, Chubbies has you covered for a limited time. Chubbies is giving We Might Be Drunk fans 20% off your order with code DRUNKS at ChubbiesShorts.com. That's code DRUNKS at ChubbiesShorts.com. Support our show and tell them we sent you. Don't blend in with the crowd. Stand out with Chubbies. Wooee! Alright, folks, we might be drunk as brought to you by Ridge Wallet.

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Starting point is 00:16:01 Go Nibs. She looks like a normal lady. That's what's hot about redhead Could it could go it could go wrong so easily. Yes, it's like a trip to the fucking Caribbean Could be amazing could go very sideways But uh, no, I mean, but when it's when it's like Julian Moir like, oh my god It's like even hotter that it works, right? Like a Christine Hendrix or something. Oh my god, oh my god, this is crazy. Oh, it's so hot.

Starting point is 00:16:25 Yeah. Oh boy. Her and that madman. That was something else. Hourglass. Look forward to those scenes. I like it, dude. Yeah, and it's cool that they address, that's what I love about Mad Men.

Starting point is 00:16:36 She was so hot, she had the va va voom, the hourglass, and Sterling's like, Jesus Christ, look at this chick. I hate when they have her on a show and they don't address it. You're like, how could everyone not be gawking at her? That's not realistic. Yeah, real life, you're just all day like, please can I fuck you? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:53 Like every person in her life, yeah, she's ridiculous. Yeah, you're right. And a great character too. Great character. Like tough, like, you know. She had layers, it wasn't just a hot lady. She was developed developed no pun intended Yeah, she was I mean dude

Starting point is 00:17:10 Yeah, the super troopers guy what the fuck is going on this comedy baby is every nerds dream Wow good for him. Everybody's got a type Yeah, hang in there. Yeah. Well.'s also his 8 foot 1, this guy. And he's also probably funny. Yeah, I'm sure. And being funny helps. Wow, that's why you gotta take that walk over the end of the bar and talk to that lady because you never know.

Starting point is 00:17:36 She could be into you. You could be batting 111, you still get on base that one time. It's like George Costanza. Wait, wait, Marissa Tomei, like short like short stocky balding men. That's her type I Know she threw stocky Damn yeah, she have nudes. I just want to see what it looks like once. I'm not saying I pull up now But just you know what's fun about this podcast. It's like a it's like a sleepover You're just like this is she naked anywhere?

Starting point is 00:18:06 That's a good point. Let's go to celebskin.com Well these youngsters don't know what they got You can just pull up a nude chick before you had to wait till she was in a movie I remember having to rent on Faithful AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ wild things it's a neo-noir let me see that lesbian kiss come on species of sci-fi thriller you wouldn't like it mom the funny thing is some of these movies are actually kind of like campy and good but as a kid you're only renting it for one reason you would rent a movie to jack off yes you get one your parents

Starting point is 00:18:39 are taking your blockbuster you get one yep and you're picking the beat-off movie well you could do a combo like I rented time cop which has the Van Damme ass-kicking and the the Mia Sarah sit tits So the combos big yeah, it's like it's like a lunch special to restaurant. You're getting a deal You know a pad Thai and an egg roll. I didn't know Thai and Chinese went together. What the hell the combo Yeah, no, it's AI shit. That's all they got Alright, well good for her. She hung in there Chinese went together what the hell the combo yeah So they got all right well good for her she hung in there. Yeah, that's a fortune on yeah We're jerking off to celebrity deathmatch here. I guess this is great Did you hear the only fans gal who got arrested for banging a chihuahua what honor only fans? It just keeps escalating like she's like what else should I do finger myself?

Starting point is 00:19:22 They're like that's your wall chihuahua in the background? Pull that thing out. I just thought it was the worst Taco Bell ad I'd ever seen. I don't know. Ah, you're a Keira Holy fan. Damn, OnlyFans is getting out of control. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:19:34 You meet these people that just make a living on it and you're just like, you idiot. And they're like, I cleared seven million last month. And you're like, maybe I'm the idiot. I know, I know. And some of that was my money. How about these people that are just like, I'm just gonna show feet and they're still I know, I know. And some of that was my money. How about these people that are just like, I'm just gonna show feet, and they're still crushing it?

Starting point is 00:19:47 I know. Cause feet, I guess if you're into that, that's like, oh my God, but like, I've never been in, feet are fine. Wait, so what happened? Did she do it? I don't know, but look at that dog's face. He's seen some things.

Starting point is 00:19:59 Oh. Yeah, that dog. That dog's had a dark life. Oh yeah. But you know, it's like, if you're in the feet, dude, the world is your fucking oyster. I'm so jealous, I got a bit about the feet, guys. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:20:12 Because there's flip-flops, there's open toe, there's barefoot, I mean, we like tits, it's hard to find a tit. But I feel like once you see, I feel like you live in the strip club, it's no longer that interesting. Sure. It's like CGI now, no one gives a fuck about CGI, because you're like it's not it's not that like back in the

Starting point is 00:20:28 day you see a train on a movie screen to be like oh my god I'm scared right it would be coming out you'd be like ah but now you're just like who gives a fuck it's true yeah I remember I've rented a what is that movie called Jesus girls gone wild yeah and me and my friends got it it was a big deal the early 90s or whatever and it's two hours long 38 minutes in you're like I'm good. Yeah, 30 minutes in I'm like what's the plot? Where's this going? I don't lose the status moment of my life because I'm like I'm bored of tits. I know I never thought I could get here But it's it's too much. It's like a diner menu too much is bad too much is bad you get to page

Starting point is 00:21:02 47 and you're like cottage cheese and melon Too much is bad. You get to page 47 and you're like, cottage cheese and melon. That's the tits in minute 47. I have a bit I'm working on about how now, you get the phone and you're just staring at your phone while watching this big budget show. They spent fucking $40 million on this one scene. I'm like, I'd rather watch a guy power wash a sidewalk

Starting point is 00:21:21 on TikTok instead. Yes, yes. What's amazing to me is the entertainment entertainment business is crumbling Hollywood is crumbling And it's cuz we'd rather watch a guy eat a sandwich in a fucking Toyota Camry like that's that's not what I thought would destroy Hollywood is a guy being like seven point Yeah, and you're watching every minute of it. Yeah, you're loving it. I know it is amazing like That's like you're talking tits. I mean, like, look, if you see too many,

Starting point is 00:21:46 like, that's why at a certain point, like, the strip club is sad. Yes, yeah. You're there too long, you're just like, who cares? Well, my friend. The first minute in, you're like, oh my God. Of course. Minute 47, eh.

Starting point is 00:21:57 Yeah, well then you start buying pussy, and then you start going to the back room, and you always gotta up it, whether it's sex or drugs or whatever. But my buddy works at Netflix, he's just like in the marketing, whatever, he has no pull or anything. But he told me, he goes, I go, what's up with Netflix?

Starting point is 00:22:13 Everything they're buying is like just bullshit, game show, reality, garbage bin shit. And he goes, they buy stuff that you could watch while scrolling. I know. That's where we're at. That's why they're saying like the names out loud. They'll be like, that's right Steve.

Starting point is 00:22:29 Yeah. So you don't even have to look. You're like, oh, that guy was Steve. I don't have to. Yes, exactly. Some guys just scrolling on fucking hinge. I know. By the way, think about how privilege,

Starting point is 00:22:39 I mean, maybe it's privilege, maybe it's bad, dude. Cause you used to go to a movie and you would like really sit down and enjoy it. Like you're not watching Chinatown no in the theater while doing anything forget about you're blown away, and that's a slow movie of course nothing But how fast paced these movies are like you watch an old movie the credits is like six minutes. Oh, yeah It's just words. It's like directed by blank blank over horizon over horizon. That's it and you're like oh cool This is like getting me into the movie Yeah, it's it's pacing me for the movie and now you're watching these fast-paced movies and you're just like who gives a shit

Starting point is 00:23:11 Who gives a shit? Yeah, and you know why cuz it's there's no confidence in a movie like that Ah a slow movie at least has the as a confidence to be like I'll get you It's like a low-energy comic is like, yes, I'll get you. Yes, you'll figure it out But these but these fast-paced ones are like, it's like you're running up to a girl at a bar and be like, what's your name? Can I buy you a drink? What's going on?

Starting point is 00:23:29 There's almost like a lacking of confidence in that type of filmmaking. 100%, but you can't even blame them because they're like, no one's gonna watch. No one's gonna get off their phone. But now it's to the point where I'm mad. I'm watching that show, The Pit. Everybody's raving about The Pit.

Starting point is 00:23:41 It's a new like ER ripoff. I don't even know what it is. But it's kicked up a notch. It's like a dry ER shit, emergency room. There it is. And you like it? It's it's The writing's not great. It's in Pittsburgh. Yeah, and that's what they call the hospital like they're out of money There's they're understaffed and it's just bullet wound coming in guy with a head sawed off a lady with a Watch the gynecology spin off the clit. It's not as good I watched the gynecology spin-off, the clit. It's not as good.

Starting point is 00:24:10 But yeah, so it's good when they're in the middle of the shit, you know, you're like, oh my god These guys leg got cut off by a train. Holy shit They got eight guys working with a scalpel and the beep beep beep But other than that, I don't care about it and I'm getting angry because I'm like I'm trying to look at my phone here Stop being interesting. That's where I'm at. Yeah, I'm watching this bullshit at night going, hey, what are you doing being captivating? I gotta tweet to write. Interesting, yeah, so you almost, maybe we are ultimately part of the problem. Completely, we've been conditioned.

Starting point is 00:24:34 I heard a Hollywood note which was, is it second screen worthy? Is what you're making second screen worthy? Second screen worthy. I mean, is it good enough what you're making that I won't look at my phone? Yeah. That's horrible.

Starting point is 00:24:47 Here's what I do though. I make it a point, like I'm gonna put my phone, if I'm watching like a classic movie, I make it a point to put my phone away. Like I watch this old movie, I had a lady over, she wanted to watch an old movie, she suggested Belle Du Jour, which is a Catherine Deneuve movie

Starting point is 00:25:03 from like the late 60s French movies good It's like she's a bored housewife who just decides she wants to be a whore basically It's good, and she's hot as fuck dude. Really. Oh my I mean look at her. She's ridiculous looks like bewitched She is hot and and but I was like yeah Let me do I give him I want to watch this movie and it helps it has subtitles Yeah, you can't that's a good thing about foreign films, you have to pay attention. You have to. That's why I like, I think that's why I'm suddenly like really getting into foreign movies

Starting point is 00:25:29 because it forces you to put your phone down. Right. Or else you miss a plot point. Totally. What's the story with this one? She becomes a whore. She becomes a, she's like so bored. Her husband's like a sweet guy and he's,

Starting point is 00:25:39 yeah that's one of her fantasies. She's getting like humiliated. She likes getting, she likes getting tortured and humiliated. This is ahead of its time. Oh, the French don't fucking play, dude. They, with sex, remember when the Me Too started? They had the Not Me movement. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:52 The French don't fuck around with sex. Is that cow poop? They throw mud at her face. When she, they tie her, her fantasies are all about being humiliated. And her husband's like a vanilla, really sweet, attractive doctor. and she wants to be like, dominated and treated like shit.

Starting point is 00:26:10 And that's why she, it's about sexuality and being a prostitute. It's a cool movie, it's like, and she is nice to look at. Is this, this must have not been played in the US. It feels like this would be banned. I don't know, yeah, I don't know, but. I've never heard of it. She is a sexy banned. I don't know. Yeah, I don't I don't know but uh I've never heard of it She is a sexy lady you got that right Yeah, but it's but that's like I that's what I love what we were text about like you know

Starting point is 00:26:31 All these Danish movies and stuff. I love that. I have to put my phone away, and I have to just watch it's good It's good cuz you're like oh, I feel better that I had to give myself to this Well, you know who's the genius of all this is Josh Johnson. You know about this kid? Of course. He's a friend of mine, and he just started putting these long form, which everyone's a clip, short clips, got to get to the punch, no setup. And he put this long for you.

Starting point is 00:26:54 He zigged when everyone zagged. And he's fucking the number two on YouTube or whatever. Wow. Reviews. Jesus Christ. Sold out a couple of town halls. He's selling out everywhere. He's doing big theaters.

Starting point is 00:27:04 Sold out three town halls in one day. He's huge. Sold out a couple of town halls, he's selling out everywhere, he's doing big theaters. Sold out three town halls in one day. Wow. Yeah. Good for him. Yeah, yeah, it's cool. It's cool to see people doing different things for sure. Well, it kind of feels like whenever it was like, everything on YouTube's gotta be three minutes

Starting point is 00:27:17 and then Rogan's like, we're gonna do a three hour podcast and it worked. Right, right. So you never know. Yeah, although I will say, they say, brevity is the soul of wit, right. You know, so you never know. Yeah, although I will say, they say, you know, brevity is the soul of wit, right? Mm. I think less is more.

Starting point is 00:27:30 I agree. I'm a big fan of less, and that's why I've been underachieving for years. I'm gonna tell my wife, I'm just kidding, less is more. No, I think I love, I mean look, I love short jokes. I love, you know, I love a story as well, if it's done right, but like, I do,

Starting point is 00:27:46 I'm never mad that a movie was 90 minutes. No, no. You know what I mean? Like, I was like, oh, they found, I love, I love that Succession ended after season four because I was like, fuck, I wish it didn't end. Of course. And I respect the hell out of that, you know? Maybe wanting more.

Starting point is 00:28:02 This scotch is just fucking amazing. I have to like put it over here it goes down too easy what does our guest an hour late now this is impressive well I think he'll have some guilt on the way in and that'll buy I would love some guilt cuz it you know it's bad when when you fix the guests a drink and the ice is melting not a great sign yeah I feel like I got stood up on a date here what do you drink I'll there. Will you we should do ice cream next time when he shows up? It's a puddle you go. Hey, we tried to give you ice cream when he sits down. We should just do his dates

Starting point is 00:28:34 I'm like, all right. Thanks for coming. I've always there's a couple guests. I would have loved to have done that too I know why can't the bad guest be late, you know Al Franken showed up Leave that in But when he's on stage he oh My god, I pull out a pillow asleep. You had in a candle. I go. Yeah, I Recorded on my phone. I put it next to my ear. I pop an ambient. I sleep like a baby stick to the news Frankie Sleep like a baby

Starting point is 00:29:04 stick to the news Frankie Logo villain fucking rules Too good we were drinking this at my place last week. I was good times man. Oh, yeah The next party had a little shebang hello next thing just a few comics just watching the fucking game, but oh we got a guest Hey Okay, you watching him I Oh, okay, you watching him. Haha I Might have to have around to buddy. I'll take a squirt. Love a squirt It's gonna be a squirt you ever sleep with a squirter. Yes old lady old lady squirter. Yeah ruin my whole bed

Starting point is 00:29:36 I didn't am I had to sleep in it. I had a that was all the water she had left Yeah, it's been a bedwetter. No it was it was a rooster tail well we boarded we made you a drink oh shit via Corota what is this Oh, mama! Beautiful, independent black queen. Thank you. Looking good! Damn, that was like the Predator Arnold and Carl Weathers right there. Oh, you're in Brooklyn, too.

Starting point is 00:30:14 You're not supposed to say the neighborhood of the guy on the stuff. Just bleep it and scramble it, we got it. Now I'm going to have a lot of problems. Oh, shit, my bad. I'm going to have a ton of problems. You're in Brownsville, too. Finish that up so I can pull you Manhattan or Negroni, I don't really I don't have been drinking but we have a drink for you right there

Starting point is 00:30:32 No, no pressure. We got you right there. We have a cocktail for you right there And we put it out. I'm sorry. Cheers. No, no, no way. What happened? I just moved back after 15 years so I don't know. What happened? Very rude. I just moved back after 15 years, so I don't, I'm like an hour late to every meeting. Oh, you don't? Because I don't understand. I'm like, yeah, I'll be there in 15 minutes. And then I'm like, I'll cram a bunch of meetings right before. What were you coming from for this?

Starting point is 00:30:57 I had a Zoom meeting, so I was at my house. TikTok's going to go through the roof. Go to your Manhattan, Norman. What are you doing? I'll do a Manhattan, if you don't mind. I want to try this. Where he lives go through the roof. You're growing your head, Norman. What are you doing? I'll do a man hat, if you don't mind. I wanna try this. Where he lives, Manhattan. What did you make?

Starting point is 00:31:09 Rum and soda. Or dig a cat. That's our whiskey. That's our whiskey there, fatty. That's our whiskey, yeah. Yes, congratulations. Thank you, thank you. What kind of, where's the rum?

Starting point is 00:31:18 We got them on the rum side. What kind of rum do you use? What do you, why are you keeping secrets? Which Pat Riley are you wearing right here? Is this like Miami Riley, LA or New York? It would only be Miami Riley because I'm a Heat fan. Oh, are you a Heat fan? I'm from Miami.

Starting point is 00:31:31 Fuck. I didn't know that. Yeah. Jew and black. Jew and black. Haitian and Jewish. Oh. That's very Miami.

Starting point is 00:31:39 This is a great rum producer and I met him in New Orleans. He's a great vodka producer. And I got very drunk with him and his son. Oh, yeah He was on time for that one. No one has taken more I just rewatched that special. It's great. That's a great fucking special Nixers as of today, we're going tonight. We're still in it. We're still alive, baby We're in the nosebleed, but we're going to move my shit out of no, you're going tonight. We're going tonight, baby. We're still alive, baby. We're in the nosebleed, but we're going. Do you want me to move my shit out of the frame? You're good. You're good.

Starting point is 00:32:09 What brings you back to the big app? I never wanted to be in L.A. for so long. It was like the Bermuda Triangle. I kept getting sucked back in. But you got to bang Rosario Dawson. So I would move out there for that. That was 10 years ago, and that was here. Oh, shit. New York's better, baby.

Starting point is 00:32:23 New York. better, baby You want to talk about my love life Let's fuck it. But put it all out of them up at all. You just went right in you went right into my love life We can finish that finish it You married Yeah, your love life you fuck you fuck your wife. Yeah, we actually banged the other day. Oh, yeah, dog smell my dick That's crazy I'm just dabbing you up for fucking your wife

Starting point is 00:32:55 Smell my dick. That's fucking Outrageous this is an outrageous podcast. Oh, yeah, you know what anything is gonna be so much blue humor And I you know what I didn't think was gonna be so much blue humor We had at Helms before you and he did not he did not want us to go there he did the view than us Yeah Very cool guy though great guy, but yeah for me. I keep it clean. I only do clean material. Yeah, it's the beginning Did one dirty joke I know your whole act baconator the Anthony Bourdain. I got those shows those jokes are from 15 years ago. Well you were making you're in a fucking you're in a fucking fog I remember everything you get mad when people remember the really old shit

Starting point is 00:33:34 Well, yes, I know I haven't written anything since that's all I kind of quit toast You show me naked up on the thing you guys are fucking distracting. We're very distracting What did you what did you get? I went with our team in hadden? Oh, delicious. Oh, thank you for the thank you Very nice course did you pull it? Did you pull in a lane and do the jujubees thing did you get it on the way here? I saw and give it to me as a gift okay. I can't stand this off. Thank you Well, yeah, what a career you've had you had your own talk show. This is good And move it's not bad is good

Starting point is 00:34:08 What do you bet you look good? You have an age that for a drunk given age? Hey, I'll take young thank you look fresh And I had a baby too. Did you yeah well how recently you wife three months? Yeah, the wife had the wife had the baby, but I want to come out. Yeah, you watch it come out Yeah, it's not your wife poop see sex no okay see section. Yeah, I I watched it come out. Yeah, you watch it come out. Yeah, so your wife poop see sex No, okay, see section. Yeah, I'll send you the video. Okay. Nice. What your wife's Puerto Rican yeah assuming so she got pregnant just when I looked at you To a koi you put me in a corner was fucking racist What are you working on you got a part I guess that's

Starting point is 00:35:05 Chuckle factory and coyote bladder, Mississippi. That's a good one. Doing stand up. That's one I'm not doing stand up anymore. I haven't done stand up since 2020. Like right before COVID. I like fill my Netflix special. I edited it, edited it, edited it. February 2020 delivered it.

Starting point is 00:35:23 And then COVID hit. And then people were like we'll do stand-up on zoom And then we're shaking our heads, but we did it and they I take the special on zoom Remember doing one of them on zoom and I was just like, let me just I have no outlet Let me just work out new jokes here and one of of the comments was like, this is so bad. And I was like, I know, I don't want to be doing this. What about the shows where they were at the drive-in movie theaters? The honking?

Starting point is 00:35:53 Yeah, no, I don't like stand-up as much as you guys. I didn't do those. I don't like stand-up regular, you know? Like I don't like when everything's set up for us to succeed. I'm still kind of in a bad mood about my set It's still so a fucking car honking and a zoom yeah Put a bullet in my brain if so when I came back from if you're really gonna get the wipers

Starting point is 00:36:14 That's all I remember oh that you're bad if you were killing you got the wipers. Oh killing the Like bad bad was like yeah, it's silence and maybe a nightmare Yeah, sorry. Yeah people would then be will yell you know just when I came out of Kovac I was like other than when shows started coming back I was in my 40s and then I was like old and tired at night. I was like, I don't understand. I'm fucking Exhausted it's a young man's game. You got a young man up there bomb fail Yeah, and like my sleep is all fucked up. I have insomnia I'm fucking exhausted. It's a young man's game. You gotta get up there, bomb, fail, yeah. And my sleep is all fucked up, I have insomnia,

Starting point is 00:36:48 so it gives me adrenaline. A lot of people say they have insomnia, but how bad? Well, now I'm on medication. Now I'm medicated and I'm seeing an insomnia special. Whoa. But it was fucking rough. because I get bouts of that what do you take give me some stuff I'll get some you got to do the orange

Starting point is 00:37:09 sunglasses at night whoa that was like the screens is killing you I think people tell me even the Wi-Fi you turn off Wi-Fi on your phone and don't put it next to your nightstand put on the floor I don't even charge my phone in my room no electronics in my room orange sunglasses that now you got to wear those fucking sunglasses. Really? You gotta. I gotta order another, I keep losing those.

Starting point is 00:37:28 And then I'm on Trazadone and QVVIC. I'm on two of those. What's your like wind down routine? Like no TV, right? I just started this with this insomnia special. So no, I can watch TV. I try to do seven hours of sleep. And so at like 10, the blue light blocking glasses come on

Starting point is 00:37:47 11 the screens go off brush my teeth whatever get ready for bed take my medications and Then and then I go into my bedroom with no electronics and I can only read a book or journal like whoa And so I sit I have like a Moroccan poof that I said, so I sit I journal I read a book or journal like whoa and so I sit I have like a Moroccan poof I said so I sit I journal I read a book. This is why Anne Franks led very well You can't get sleepy and touch your bed until you're like yawning and sleep Okay, can't associate your bed with tossing and turning because it Pavlovian interesting really I'm a tosser and Turner for I did the trade

Starting point is 00:38:21 It's better to get out of bed if you're tossing and turning more than 15, 20 minutes and just go read by candlelight. You want dim light. Jeez. Read by candlelight, journal, it's a fucking, I'm living in the medieval times. The Amish must be just 10 hours a night. They must be getting great sleep. No screen, candle.

Starting point is 00:38:38 I have a king-sized bed but I have two twin mattresses because I don't want to annoy the person next to me that I'm tossing and turning that much This is your wife or it's a I'm single. It's just hopeful that it's That won't annoy the next person an unlucky lady and I'm very happy machine. So now I'm locked in sleep app see pap Yeah, I'm like fucking Bane. I got a whole system. I got a silk bonnet You can't get laid with this. No, I look horrible. Yeah I wear it. Jeez, you can't get laid with this.

Starting point is 00:39:02 No, I look horrible. Yeah. I'm so confounded. I look fucking ridiculous. I did the trazadone, I blew through it. It worked for like a week and then I was like, I'm up. I wore through it. You can always go up and dose it.

Starting point is 00:39:12 What about like a unisom? What is that? It's like a sleep tablet. Oh, that's like a Benadryl. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you get used to that. I think in a pinch you take that stuff, but I don't think you can take that all the time.

Starting point is 00:39:20 Trazadone's an SSRI or an SNRI or something, so I think you can take it. I wanna wean off it, but for now I'm'm like I had to stop the bleeding. It was real bad I'd say I got hooked on Xanax for a while because it works The only thing that knocked me out that me too, but I was like licking the inside of the bag and shit I gotta stop. I was like no more. Yeah, I call my second. I just like just Kalan a bit You got me They go they make every drink two for one

Starting point is 00:39:49 I think they I think they put peach in this I think there's peach bitters in this it's fucking delicious This guy somehow yay is really good. Okay So, uh, yeah, it's good to have you back in the... Fucked up you called me gay, dude. That was fucking weird. Who do you hate the least? Or who do you hate the most? Who do I hate the most? The one that you're like, you know what, kinda glad he's dead. Yeah. Damn.

Starting point is 00:40:13 Yeah. Or, uh... Well, Patrice could be mean. Phyllis Diller I'd never gonna do. I heard he was rough. I never met him. Never met him. I just, I was never... And this is Kurt Cobain.

Starting point is 00:40:23 Yeah. For Smash Mouth. That's actually a rifle. Damn. This is the picture of him killing him. Yeah. Never met I just I was never and this is Kurt Cobain Michael Next to him Judy Gold as well Not even dead you dead yet three strays as the kids say Yes, I was mean to you. What do you say? Well? He was just you know a scary guy He was like I cut you to the bone one time my friend opened for him

Starting point is 00:40:55 And he bombed and my friend had glass who was this I don't want to say his name very sensitive about it But I'll tell you after okay, so he opens up But I'll tell you after okay, so he opens up Patrice walks up goes oh, I hate when these alt is open for me And that was the first line of his set did it kill yeah killed Yeah, yeah, but uh and he was a funny guy, too Yeah, I'm sure he looked up to Patrice because everyone thought Patrice was every area everyone loved Patrice his comedy I don't yeah his comedy. I've heard the controversial things. Yeah, I don't know if I'd love to hang with him,

Starting point is 00:41:28 but I liked watching his, Elephant of the Virgin. What do you think that is, a personality disorder? Definitely. Or just profound depression? Hates himself, hates everybody. Probably, probably just. Some people just love confrontation and conflict and just want to, they want to fuck with you.

Starting point is 00:41:45 With people that are severely depressed and hated. Yeah, this is pre-therapy. Giant hole in their heart that was never. I think Patrice would break a therapist. Or just a sociopath. Yeah. Maybe a sociopath. There's a little of that in there for sure.

Starting point is 00:42:00 Yeah. But Damien was funny. He loved animals? He loved animals. He's Tony's soprano What do you mean? Like he's a classic if an animal is in pain, I feel horrible But I'll ruin a human's life you think you think he was abused when he was a kid I would assume he had a terrible childhood terrible childhood. Yeah

Starting point is 00:42:18 Elephant in the room great special great special Yeah, the other ones didn't capture his greatness like that one night stand stand for HBO he did was like, he was doing like street jokes at the end. It was just weird. It was like, you're brilliant clearly, but you're, it's like you're just bored or something. You gotta see Stand Up live. I never feel like you captured on. It's hard.

Starting point is 00:42:36 He's always missing something when you watch it. He certainly was. He was definitely missing something. Yeah, you have to see, there has to be this like danger in the air or something. Especially you. I feel like you're all live. I don't do Stand Up. Well, when you did, you got you had an energy about you that that no one could follow No one wanted to follow. Thank you. Well. We're all doing just like a what's the deal with?

Starting point is 00:42:54 And you were like You remember you remember the Bourdain bit about diarrhea? Not really. What? That was one of my favorites. About how he must have had the worst diarrhea on the planet. No, you know what? That joke lasted like two shows and you were at one of them. I caught it. I was like, that's a keeper. I remember some of your say... I remember...

Starting point is 00:43:19 I think I met you at the Underground Lounge on 107th, like way back in the day. I was out barking for those those were not fun. Yeah Yeah, but uh bringer shows Barking barking was crazy. Yeah, about the Jamaican bit about cops bad boys Yeah, I only have like 45 minutes for the jokes. Oh 22 years. Did you tour it all now? Yeah Yeah, I toured I toured last year But the Eric Andre show live and then before that I toured 2019 2020 filmed it Send it into Netflix and then never did stand up again. I did like a little bit

Starting point is 00:43:51 Che pulled me out on stage a year ago Okay, and he was like you're doing stand-up, but I was like, I don't know it's too hard damn guys Now you're just coming out. I'll be I'll sit with me and will still Vince will sit next to you and help you I'm gonna go okay. I'm gonna see in shade you stand up because I think he had like Yeah, but I don't see he doesn't we don't see him come around ever He doesn't like hit the no hey pound the pavement But he used to always come to the cellar and like you know and his mind is so is so sharp like he has such great Premises and stuff so I would like seeing him work out and it not work.

Starting point is 00:44:25 I was kind of like, oh, this is just like fun to watch. Yeah. This is the first drink I've had in a long time. How the hell do you sell that here? Really? You quit comedy, you quit alcohol. What are you still doing? I didn't really quit alcohol.

Starting point is 00:44:34 I'm just like, it puffs me up, man. I'm trying to fucking fit my old jeans. Yeah. No, it puffs me up. Oh, puffs. No, I'm feeling puffy. I'm puffed up. All right, this is the juice side.

Starting point is 00:44:44 I want to fit in my old jeans. All right. This is the juice and I want to fit my old jeans All right, well have a light in those old Wranglers sweatpants will help sweat pants is cuz I fucking you look fine. I just I just lost 30 pounds. Whoa Monjaro there it is really any needle. What is that the black version? What is that? Yeah? Yeah, okay? It's kind of like I saw the ad on BET Who's the black version was Johnson and Johnson and the whitey got Moderna I think is that right I think so Hey, how'd you guys come up with this fucking silly drinking drinking? drinking buddy

Starting point is 00:45:28 Is that a shot in the ass no, it's an Italian sauce Sounds like a slur couple of manjaros moved into the neighborhood couple of manjaros in here You know who we got to get rid of in this country What's a white Negroni? He's got tequila. Oh What's a white Negroni? It's got tequila in it? Oh, shit. That's on time is what it is. All right. Hello.

Starting point is 00:45:47 But yeah, how the hell did you sell the Eric Andre show? How do you do that? The show's wacky, you're falling through a table, you're naked. Well, everybody passed except Adult Swim. So it wasn't selling hotcakes. There wasn't a bidding war. Yeah. But Adult Swim hadn't.

Starting point is 00:46:02 They were looking for a talk show at the time because they had Space ghosts on the air For a while. So oh, yeah, so I made like a little demo reel with Hannibal and this like shitty abandoned bodega Bushwick or bedstuy. Yeah rats nest and Sky sorry, but excuse me And I like taught myself final cut and I whoa It took me like a year to edit together a seven minute Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:28 And I sent it. Did you do it yourself? Oh, it was on the air, yeah, sorry. No, no, no, it was on the air, no. Wow, and that's how you sold it. You showed him the... I showed him a tape. I'm literally going up to Nick Weidenfeld,

Starting point is 00:46:40 who was the... That's his buddy. VP of development. I was like showing him the first cuts at parties on my like iPhone one. And I was like, hey, I'm not done with this yet. I'm learning how to. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:46:54 He's like, well, when you're done, show me. Whoa. And then like, I kept like just show it. And then a year went by. And then when he sent it to Mike Lazo, who was his boss at the time, who ran the network, He like loved it instantly. And that was 2010. Thanksgiving 2010. I was in Guatemala. Wow. And then it was like, let's

Starting point is 00:47:13 do a pilot. And that was 2011. And then they picked it up. And brilliant to bring Hannibal on who is the lowest energy guy on the planet. And you're the highest. And it was a fun little juxtaposition. That's the compliment. I ever got was about that pairing was Chris Rock called me like after the first season and he goes the reason your show works It says there's no two black guys that have less in common That's great yeah The show is why you'd have stars on and then you could tell they didn't get it they were freaked out

Starting point is 00:47:44 You don't want to tell me you would you want them to get it So you you gave them no prep. No, so so when I in the beginning we were like, well, we'll tell them some things I won't tell them to be like maybe season one And then we realized if you tell them anything or you've told even one guess something and the other 19 guests aren't in on it It ruins it for everybody Like everybody has to be completely in the dark and every prank has to be a hundred percent real so I or you jeopardize the the stakes of the whole show right when you there's never fake reactions there's never free you know nobody's in on it there's never

Starting point is 00:48:15 like we learned that quick Lauren Conrad I mean she's not gonna get it. Well I Did you ever break on these no because it takes so much prep so much goes into it when you have you have somebody on the hook, you don't want to roll it. Trying to do the manson swastika. Almost got it. It's hard to do it without a mirror. She's going to kill herself after this. I'm listening. Animal got it. He got it.

Starting point is 00:49:00 Just straight up eat the lettuce. What up? Hey, have you ever heard of guitar before? Yeah. They're like we will be like between two ferns on. Did anyone ever walk off set like she walked off on the second part? Yeah. she walks in TI walks What about uh like when you have stacey dasch and I remember that one and she was she jumped up cuz there rats coming out of the whoa Yeah, she was she was like game. She is attractive hot lady attractive Yeah, when you whipped out Obama's dick that was pretty good

Starting point is 00:49:42 Obama's dick Damn that's fun Donald Glover must have gotten he's a comic well he knew I'm a fucker But he didn't know what we're gonna do mm-hmm was there anyone you were dying to get on that you couldn't get on Bill Cosby Damn Especially during the Hannibal yeah sure oh Yeah, damn Yeah, he doesn't even like bad language, and you come out with a fucking chainsaw on a swastika Well, it's more of the fact that Hannibal well. You know presented the world with certain Information about him that we all knew 40 years I remember that what a weird what a weird thing to just do like I didn't know I did they cover it up I didn't see the documentary but like they're like

Starting point is 00:50:30 NBC everybody's wife everybody's like He's a fucking serial rapist we all go We all go on riffs during sets on the road that you don't like think about you don't think it's gonna destroy Cosby like yeah I could tell that was like a throwaway joke yeah working on and then everybody everybody was itching to take him down I think yeah like for some reason broke the camel's back I did it was in the it was in the ether yeah for sure we all heard it I didn't know I didn't know he did that until I was like a door guy at Broadway Comedy Club and Mike Di Stefano remember him was on stage and he was like he did a joke about he's like, yeah, I'm dirty but Cosby's clean

Starting point is 00:51:09 He's a fucking rapist. I was like, he is? I didn't know I I had to like go online I was like, oh, I guess he's like a bad guy. I didn't know that. Oh, yeah That was before Hannibal's called him out. Yeah, it was before. Oh shit. It was a Broadway Comedy Club and nothing leaves that room Everything dies in that room. That's true. I miss Mike. He was a funny guy. Oh, very funny. He had the fucking best joke.

Starting point is 00:51:30 He goes, he goes, this woman came up to me after a show and said, you know, calling women the C word is like calling black people the N word. And he goes, yeah, but I'm not worried about a bunch of C words beat me up after the show. He was so good. Dude, the one he did on last comic stand the one about like his agents like Facts me a bio. He's like bio. I fucking yell at strangers. Oh This joke yeah, anything. What do you do for comedies? Like I was a drug counselor. What do you before that? I was a drug addict. What do you do before that? I was 12 He was so funny.

Starting point is 00:52:05 So funny. Put him up on this. Oh, yeah. We got Mike D' Stefano. Mike used to bench over it over again. That's a good point. Let's get old Mike D. What else did he have?

Starting point is 00:52:15 He died of AIDS. He did. Right? Heart attack. I don't think AIDS was doing him any favors. OK. Shit. Sorry, Mike. And then he had a joke. He goes,

Starting point is 00:52:27 I went to a Chinese restaurant. They had a suggestion box. I wrote in free Tibet. Oh. Yeah. Right, right. Oh no. He was so, so funny. He was great. Complex. Somebody asked him on an interview what his voice was. How'd you find your voice and he yelled the guy for like six minutes? He's like my voice I'm trying to get laughs up here get the fuck out of my face. Yeah. Yeah Oh 44 44 he was 44, but he looked like he was like 64 I feel like in that like two-year span so many comics out like Geraldo Patrice Robert Shimmel like so many comics just Comics aren't health nuts. No no they are now which is weird

Starting point is 00:53:07 Death came hours after filming a video for funny or die Yeah, we were home in the Bronx look at that Fuck dude all right P Yeah, comedy is not healthy comics aren't Nah, clearly there's something wrong Sure, there's garbage man who got problems to yeah, everybody's got problems Yeah, everybody's a fucking disaster as we sip on our second. These are fucking great phenomenal. Yeah Okay, good. I'm putting these away for a rainy day. We're getting fucking lit up on these agree

Starting point is 00:53:45 Thank you for the gift what a cool gift. Are you doing the rounds for the pod? The circuit the press What else you doing? I can't remember Can I ask you about your movie yeah, all right, I know whatever you want. I thought it was innovative Thanks, you're talking about bad trip. Yeah, because the reactions were real, right? Yeah, yeah. That was a brilliant move. Sorry. You got it, you can't fake a reaction. You can't fake a reaction. If you fake one, you compromise all of them.

Starting point is 00:54:12 Here, here. So how did you do it? You just shot it in the middle and you'd have these car crashes? It was incredibly hard. It took seven and a half years. Whoa! Wow! From the earliest writings to airing the movie, it was almost eight years. Wow! And it was supposed to debut at South by Southwest March 2020 and then COVID happened. Damn. Yeah. And then it was nowhere and then MGM tried to sell it to Quibi behind her back. But the only reason they got busted with their hand in the cookie jars because they told oh my producer Jeff Tremaine had final cut and they had to ask him for

Starting point is 00:54:50 They had to ask him for Permission to cut it into little quibi iPhone segments that he's like what the fuck's going on here and they were like yeah We tried to set up to Netflix They don't want it and then we called Netflix and they were like well we absolutely want this. Oh wow Yeah, and they were like MGM was willing to take it at a loss and you're like, hold on Let me go back to quibbe real quick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Quibi's kind of cool But it was number one on Netflix in the US and Quibi see so we're fucking Crushing. Oh, yeah. Damn. It's such a cool movie. It's gotta gotta Buster Keaton vibe and haddish killed it

Starting point is 00:55:24 Oh, yeah, she killed she thrives in those... She does. I think I cut a fresh beard. Oh yeah? She was all over me. We did a run together. Oh. On the road. And yeah, I think she likes the honky.

Starting point is 00:55:35 And you blew it. Well, I was... You were too shy. I was married. She did sleep with a friend of mine who's a white guy. Aha! And he's very white, he's Irish. Oh, that's whiter than me.

Starting point is 00:55:47 Well, it gets whiter than Irish. Swedish. That's fucking white. Maybe Gaffigan after that. Oh, fuck. Those Scandinavian countries are fun, man. I just toured the fucking, insanely, oh my god, going to like, go to hit Copenhagen, man, hit a little Stockholm.

Starting point is 00:56:03 I have rough stand-up. Internationally, internationally stand up is hit or miss But it's hit or miss and fucking I'm sure I had a bad set in Columbus, Ohio I almost got punched in the face on stage in Columbus, Ohio. Oh, really? Yeah this young Gal I would say she's like 21 very drunk, very loud in the not the front row, but maybe let's say the third row wouldn't stop talking on her phone belligerent drunk, just

Starting point is 00:56:35 classic annoying audience member, right? And she's interrupted. She's stepping on my punchline. She's fucking huge distraction. So I go, I'm like riffing with her. I'm trying to like get her to shut the fuck up in the most polite way. Then I go give me your phone. And I took her cell phone and I looked up mom in her cell phone. And I wrote mom, I've always had a thing for dad, send and then and then everyone's like, I gave it back to her. She was like,

Starting point is 00:57:03 then she wanted to shut the fuck up again. so I grabbed it back and I went to the audience I go everybody pass her phone around and send crazy text to whoever you want That's brilliant and go nuts and pass it all around and by the time it made it back to her She like fucking saw red and turned into a cartoon thermometer was like Jumped on stage and swung like a big haymaker. Whoa! And I was like, whoa! And I look back at security, and they're just laughing.

Starting point is 00:57:31 They're like, this guy's crazy. And then these two college kids, I grabbed her and like escorted her out. And then security was like, oh, maybe we drag her out. Maybe this isn't part of the show. And then I finished my set. And then, and also that was like the height I couldn't really I cut short cuz I couldn't go back like hey Iraq that

Starting point is 00:57:50 place is fucked right so I like wrapped it up quick and then I got off stage and then like I went out to go home or to sell merch or something like through the front and she was like waiting there for me, and she was like, can I get a selfie? I was like, what? Poison phone? No, thank you. Maybe that's what happened with Will Smith.

Starting point is 00:58:14 We didn't know Chris Rock was doing that to his phone the whole time. She was like, motherfucker. There's more to the story. Exactly. That is a, that is a. And then Chris Rock went, can I get a selfie? That's a brilliant move for heck,

Starting point is 00:58:26 the hijacking of the phone in the pass around is... You fuck with my life, I'm fucking with your life, bitch. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no. She was like out of control, belligerent. Yeah. And just like stepping on, I'd set up a joke for however many minutes and then she'd like crumple the fucking punchline.

Starting point is 00:58:43 I'm like, lady, you're killing me. Yeah. You know, those punchlines. What's the worst? What's the worst bomb you've ever had? I got so many. Tell me. Last night was stinkers. My worst bomb ever. I did a roast of like a hedge fund. I've told the story before, but this guy hit me up.

Starting point is 00:59:01 I did a seller set. This is 10 years ago. It went well. And he goes, I got a five grand with your name on it you come to my company and roast all my employees I'll give you five grand. I was like that's the most money I've ever seen Yeah, you're like Yeah Five grand! Jing You know dollar signs

Starting point is 00:59:22 Yeah, somebody's smoking I put on a green visor. So then I go, oh my god, but I don't know your hedge fund. I don't know these. So he goes, I'll send you a rap sheet with all the dirt on these guys. I go, oh, this is gonna be cake. Easy money. Kevin's sheets and his wife.

Starting point is 00:59:38 That was in there. That was in there. No way. Sheets on the wife, coke head, he's secretly gay. I mean, it was all like heavy duty dirt. Like, this is like put you in jail dirt ruin a marriage dirt, so I'm like oh, this is gold I'm gonna kill this and he keeps right. He's texting me like be vicious be vicious. Oh my god. He's holding He's psychotic. He's a hedge fund guy That's and so I was like oh, that's gonna be great so he goes here's the address

Starting point is 01:00:01 I didn't know is that a golf club like a golf thing up upstate So I took the metro north up I get there. It's Lamborghini Ferrari You know Ben's all these things you up for a mafia hit I get there It's just everybody's like hair slick back hot wife annoying kids and those are not the guys who can take the no No god no, what are you crazy these guys don, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Horribly, but it got increasingly worse as I kept going so the guys like sold you're a stranger You're just insulting yeah, really harsh information, and I'm dressed like this and everyone's like you know These guys look sharp as you're old Navy clear Dick doesn't work So I meet the guys got the cigars out on the back deck with just sprawling golf course beautiful

Starting point is 01:01:08 It's a bunch of black guys with the white jackets on they're not allowed in the club You know unless they're serving and I get up to the podium and the guy goes hey, we got a great comic He's gonna roast the shit out of us. You know these comedy guys. They go crazy, and I get up there. It's like Hey, so Dan we all know you're gay and his wife's like That's a whole thing I'm like, oh I better move over here. Hey Bob. We all know you got coke coke problem He's like Lord you destroyed kids are crying Jeff Ross goes on after you and murders destroyed people's lives. Kids are crying.

Starting point is 01:01:43 Jeff Ross goes on after you in murders. Yeah, exactly. So I'm bombing within like, you know, four jokes, you know, and they're mad, people are getting up and leaving, and I can see the guy in the back who booked me like, what the fuck man, what are you doing? And I'm like, you gave me this shit. What am I doing? You set me up for this. You should have bought him on stage. You go, what do you mean? Yeah, so about eight minutes in, I'm like ruining. I go into my act. You know I'm like

Starting point is 01:02:09 Ubers what's up with uber five stars come on? How about one stuff you know and that's bombing of course because of the whole rooms in a pandemonium Oh, yeah, I cut it short. I did like 17 or 18 minutes got the fuck. I suppose to an hour Yeah, I'm gonna answer your life. I find the guys like having a meltdown on the back deck. He's like on the phone He's like I'm so sorry bud. I go hey, man I just gotta get my check and he goes I shouldn't give this to you And he put the cigar up to the corner of the check. He's like you're lucky. I'm a nice guy I'm giving this to you ruin my whole fucking day my whole event

Starting point is 01:02:38 I was like you told me to do this fucking idiot. Yeah, I got the check and I took the metro north back Oh, yeah, run for your life. I took the metro north back over. Cash the first thing in the morning. Yeah. Run for your life. I did one, I did a hell gig, I mean so many, but one that jumps out to me is I was a door guy at Broadway Comedy Club and they would throw you up every once in a while. The wait staff loved me because I was just one of them. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:57 But I bombed so fucking hard. I don't know, this guy just keeps heckling me and I couldn't do sh- I had a couple witty lines and then you run out because he out, cause he's one of those dudes who can't take being insulted and I remember he just went like, you fucking, he was like, look at your fucking shitty pants. I was like, yeah, they're like bad pants. I'm like a door guy at Broadway Comedy Club, you know?

Starting point is 01:03:17 And he's like, you fucking, and I just started hammering him, he can't take it. I don't know what I said, but I called him like garbage or something and he was like like what did you say? And he stood up and I was like oh boy, and I just remember him walking toward the stage, and I'm like all right what's gonna happen is he's a bigger dude than he's gonna kick my ass and And I was extra skinny back then yeah Not ready to fight and the way stuff like barricades a stage for me cuz they're like they like me

Starting point is 01:03:41 That's good, but then I just hear and I'm like oh boy because they're like, they like me. That's good. But then I just hear, and I'm like, oh boy. Oh no. Hits me right in the chest. And I'm like, oh fuck, perfect aim for a piece of shit. You got a hug too. Hey, I got a hug too.

Starting point is 01:03:52 I got none of the fame out of it either. His girl pulls him out and I remember being like, oh boy, Chris Murphy, shout out Chris Murphy, great guy, was like, I'll make sure, we waited for a second, he's like, he's up there but I usually I'll I'm gonna walk you out to make sure you don't have to go out alone if he's waiting for you oh yeah thanks man but I remember I told this fucking story to the basketball player Bernard King I used to put a show on MSG and Bernard King was I'm only I told him

Starting point is 01:04:20 like off camera I was like oh yeah guy spat on me once on stage and I see him in a Knicks game like five months ago my brother and he he just walks over to me goes remember when that guy spat on you during your shit I spit on you but my brother was like what did Bernard King just reference a bomb of yours? I was like, yeah I was fucking weird. Okay I know he doesn't mind me saying this and if he does But Johnny O Donnie This is 20 years ago. This is 2003. I'm not joking. This is 20 years ago 2005

Starting point is 01:04:52 He was a pistol that kid we're at the open mic. It was like it was a called the Chinatown Was it the drag queen joint? No, it was a dragon. It was a little Was it the drag queen joint? Nope. Lucky dragon. It was a little... There's no way it can exist. It was a little cafe, bar, whatever the fuck, who gives a shit. Place off Canal Street.

Starting point is 01:05:12 And it was an open mic where they would like... It wouldn't be just standups, it would be like a freestyle rapper. And then like a fucking... Yeah, whatever. A clairvoyant, a magician, yada yada. So like this rapper goes... Yeah, whatever fucking a clairvoyant a magician. Yeah, yeah, sis boom-boom So like this rapper go it's to that. This is like 2003 okay, 9-eleven is only two years old. Yeah, where you were still smoldering where I might have been wearing jorts like

Starting point is 01:05:38 Yeah, just put yourself Lincoln Parks playing Yeah, put yourself in the frame. All right, I got it. Okay, so this dude is like super book, like deep Brooklyn out, black dude, all like jean jacket, fitted baseball cap, he's freestyle rapping before John goes on.

Starting point is 01:05:59 He does his rap set or whatever to like a crowd of seven confused Chinese people. And then John F. O'Donnell John Epstein and he's doing his set and we're all none of us nobody's doing well as you John goes Jay Z has this lyric where he says I'm like the black Brad Pitt he goes yeah right Jay Z you look like my grandpa after he died. And the rapper, not a bad joke, the rapper dude took his glass, glass bottle glass and threw it at John's head. It missed him by like six inches.

Starting point is 01:06:34 Boom, shattered on the wall behind John. And then John just kept going with his set as if nothing happened. He was like, hey, you see Tom Cruise on Oprah. He was like, whoop, I was like, John, it Tom Cruise on Oprah? He was like, it's time to go. Wow. And anyway, that's wild. That would have spooked me. Damn. Those are the open mic days, folks. Those are the open mic days. I did my first show here was with Nate Berg, got see in a basement again in Chinatown. The show was called Yellow, I didn't name it and I hope that an Asian guy named it but

Starting point is 01:07:12 That was the name of the bar. That was the name of the bar shit and That was rock bottom. It was just me Nate Bergazi and one other person in a windowless basement Doing jokes for each other. Yeah yeah and I had this I was my first show I would do in stand-up in Boston when I was finishing college so I had this like big vision like my first show in New York City it's gonna be like Madison Square fucking garden yeah I can go and it was yeah there it is it was the worst 4 p.m. of my life. Oh, that's handy.

Starting point is 01:07:47 You gotta hand it to Nate. The guy's an arena comic. He's clean as a whistle, but he did all that shit. I remember we were at CB's, and our buddy Louis Katz is a really funny guy, but he's having a rough set, and just can't get a fucking laugh. They're an awful crowd.

Starting point is 01:08:02 And then he had nowhere to just goes, never hire a clown named Molesto, and it does okay and Todd Lynn Who and we go throw up there too, but if you know dead guy, but Todd Lynn goes up. He's got one That's a good way to compliment you and insult you oh Such a shitty thing to say, but I cracked up when I heard that was like Jesus He's got one Todd Lynn's picture up remember that guy. Yeah, it's like ringing a bell, but I need like not a nice man He made Patrice look like oh really oh he was me not a nice person Oh, I can't yeah, I kind of remember this guy. Yeah. Yeah, he was like a curmudgeon. Yes. Yes

Starting point is 01:08:39 He was a curmudgeon, but I think he died like pretty When did he die? What year did he die a while ago need a while ago not a health nut Oh seven oh eight no nine We were still this generation of 2012. What was this generation of? curmudgeon, they were just bitter right well They're just sad dudes who never got a hug and there was no all fucked up therapy or medication combination I think it was harder back then and also they had horrible childhoods Therapy or medication combination. I think it was harder back then and also they had horrible childhoods. Mm-hmm Now comedy is like a viable career you can go on tik-tok and you know make a living but back then you had to like really hate yourself

Starting point is 01:09:15 Think about doing the road in like 91 like a hotel and you're like, I guess I'll call someone long distance Yes, what do you do? Meanwhile, you got a fucking map out You got to unfold a map to find a rascals in orange New Jersey, you know now at least you got Google Maps and all this shit those were getting you got lost You had a payphone second spill all over me. No you got I'm gonna call good. Oh good So you were in New York in a certain time you have any run-ins with puffy Easy click base Salacuse, right here!

Starting point is 01:09:46 Ahhhhh! Take that! You could cut me calling out your candy guy. I wasn't sure. Cut that out! Cut me calling it out. That's a pro guy who knows a fucked up set when you call out a breakable bottle. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 01:10:02 No other comedian in history would know that was breakable. Well, it wasn't just that it was your guys's clear lie afterwards Like you got weirdly loud now. No it hurts man. It hurts. I really yeah No, it hurts, but it wasn't bad. Yeah, you gotta hit the back of the head one time I got on top way to kick hello mark, and I are trying to be actors, and we're just like the breakaway glass no Way louder no what I get suspicious like an empty It's serving no purpose. No that one is but this one isn't right here

Starting point is 01:10:42 That was strong base what if it just went into my throat like at the end of grifters? You got to commit you got to get the fake blood to oh The nerve damage yeah still Whoa open and reattach my nerve I can barely feel half my hand. Yeah, it's the origin story of a fucking wacky comedian It was the day Liquid swords came out the jizz album. Ooh, I remember I think we're smoking brown weed Damn, that's me at 14 number four loco. Yeah Yeah, that was a fun time we used to do shots of Bacardi 151 and then a five-hour energy shot

Starting point is 01:11:24 Was a fun time we used to do shots of Bacardi 151 and then a five-hour energy shot Homemade five Boy that was those were good times That's when I injured myself Wasn't 95 I was born in 83 damn Geffen did that good for him Guys got range Talk about David Geffen yeah, yes, he's very much Look at that Bonham we sir and whoo day

Starting point is 01:11:51 Oh, yeah, look how old he is this guy figure out the fucking pulse Yeah, he started in 80 no 73 73 So he did everybody probably did some BG's and some fucking us hammered at that bar the other night just every BG song you're like BG's is the best drunk me. Oh, it's great It's just fucking there's a bar down toggle joy face and the DJ's killer. Holy shit. It went for a party We were joy face in Lower East Side good. What are good clubs now and good shows. We don't go clubbing. Look at us Yes, you think we know no, I mean stand-up clubs, I don't mean clubbing. What are my fucking nuts? Country or the city?

Starting point is 01:12:29 Both. I mean, we just kind of go with the seller for the most part in the city, but on the road, like Madison, comedy on states, incredible. Denver, Denver comedy works, for clubs. SF. I like hilarities in Cleveland, I just love the owners too to they're like good people

Starting point is 01:12:47 Tampa side splitters Utah was it's all wise guys. Love that one. Yeah, I just keep going back I'll just keep going back to those like what else Dallas improv. I love I like I Look, I like the Dania improv actually Dania is gnarly. That's where I mean, I don't really. Dania, improv? Dania Beach. Dania is gnarly. That's where I grew up. Oh really? I didn't grow up in Dania, but if you were from Dania,

Starting point is 01:13:09 you were fucking intense. Really? Yeah, you had a butterfly knife. Oh, really? I don't know, I like those crowds, man. I think Dania changed. It changed. It was like, I was born in 83.

Starting point is 01:13:20 Oh, Omaha Funny Bone. That's a great one. I love that one. Dania was like Hell's angel not whoa Really yeah, it was fucking Everglades back. Oh, yeah, right. It was like white Miami It wasn't even my it was like deliverance. Oh really? Yeah, you forget about for you think then they but then they like built into it. Yeah Yeah, well for do you think people, Cuban, you don't really

Starting point is 01:13:45 think about the crazy whites that are down there. Oh, there's like some of the gnarliest whites. Yeah, some of the gnarliest like American history. Okay. Oh, the Hell's Angel. Wow. That's fucking Florida, though, dude. Yeah. Remember that show? Florida or Germany or Florida? Remember that where they show a news story. And then they tell you have to guess was it Germany or Florida and it was always Germany. I mean always Florida because it was the wildest shit like guy kills wife with a with a plush doll. I don't know what about that computer scientists that cut that guy's dick off and they ate it together. They murdered the guy Armin me vez look him up your army hammer army me vez

Starting point is 01:14:26 army me vez army armin armin me not army not army hammer armin me me vez Mew es s Yeah, oh yeah, try that that's mendez no armin mew has come German German dick eater Peter armin mew vez there we go. Oh shit. This guy's not Florida. This is beyond Florida. He's still in jail. Oh Like put a post up on Craigslist. He's like I want to fucking Make love to you cut your dick off eat it with you at my dinner table then kill you and the one guy responded He's like yeah, I'm in It was very German, man. I'll take any gig Gigs a gig gigs a gig. It was like you at the fuck

Starting point is 01:15:23 Yeah, right. I would have killed to eat my dad. I love that the guy was so Cartoonish evil goes puts his cigar Yeah, he was he was a Batman but I'm a nice guy Fucking monster yeah, yeah, I'm in me this I guess're going to kill yourself, you might as well go out like this. Yeah, Armin is alive, but the man he ate and killed is no longer with us. Is it murder? May he rest in paradise. If the guy's in on it?

Starting point is 01:15:54 Well, that was a big part of the case, but it is. It's consensual. Yeah, it is consensual, but it is still homicide, so he did it. Okay. Yeah, you can't cut the dick off I'm like a black mirror up. I feel like if you got any dudes on that jury to the like you can't cut a dick Yeah, well that was that was also part of the deal there. He is just fucking loving life ever John Wayne Bobbitt Yeah, of course that was a Bob at John Wayne Gacy John Wayne They're all kind of fucking shitty guys. That's true. That guy fucking lost his dick. That's crazy

Starting point is 01:16:31 Yeah, but it's not the same not to say remember Tom McCaffrey had that bit about uh, remember him I love Tom. I love Tom. He's so funny. What happened? Why did he stop doing? Did he stop doing Santa? Did he stop doing stand up? Oh, they got the dick. Come on. Oh. Come on. You know, he's bit where the guy goes, what color is it? And he's just like, if you find a dick, just bring it in.

Starting point is 01:16:52 I'm sure he'll take what he can get at this point. That's great. So good. Oh, he had a joke that was like, he goes, some toupees are so bad, it's like I might as well duct tape an enormous cucumber on the outside of my pants ago. Yep. That's my dick Alright, dude, huge dick Yeah, that joke I read the Pamela oh, was it the Pamela Jameson or the Jenna Jameson book he's like the movie was better

Starting point is 01:17:21 It was great, I love this shit put him on the wall Become a rapper that is kind of the death of comedy. Like legit, he was like, I'm going to rap now? You don't remember that? No, I think he's a lawyer now. Oh, is he? I think so. Most guys go lawyer to comedy. He went from comedy to lawyer. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:17:32 He went lawyer. No, he went comedy to rapper to lawyer. No one's done that. Also, that voice for a lawyer is like, your honor, this is fucked up. Your honor, dude, it's not fucking cool. Not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool.

Starting point is 01:17:40 I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. No, yeah, no one's done that also that voice for a lawyer is like your honor. This is fucked up your honor, dude You're a dick He had that great line cuz he would bomb a lot cuz he was sometimes too smart for the room And he would go if you agree stare at me blankly

Starting point is 01:18:00 So good, he was great. We'll get him on here one day funny or if we need a lawyer So good. He was great. We'll get him on here one day funny or if we need a lawyer Well, dude you got you got a lawyer you got the you got the new pod Eric Andre pocket Yeah, you guys gotta come on. I'd love to come on. We shoot up the street. Oh, we had some good bombing stories here Yeah, I think of a better one if I come on but so you talk about Your worst bomb. Yeah, I just have guests come on and just say what's the shitty show you're in it I guess you don't have to come on. No, no, no I have others trust me And more and potentially more to come. That's true. It's actually more to come many

Starting point is 01:18:36 That's true. So you just do the so the cell is the only good place to do No, there's other good places. Yeah, those good spots. I just I'm lazy. I live down by the cellar So I'm just like I'm gone so much on the road I'm just I don't want to travel far to do sets I got it. Maybe I should start doing it. Do you miss it? You ever think of a bit? I think of a bit but it like it goes to a different medium I think of it in like how does it work on a television show? Well any advice for it? We're writing we wrote a movie and I think we're making some headway on and we got a director in the back

Starting point is 01:19:06 Right there right there Jonah I know it's fucking production hell you gotta just keep pitching it. You gotta go to meetings What do you mean his story? He just said Netflix bought it immediately. Oh, yeah good point My thing yeah, took eight years. Thanks. We didn't buy it immediately We were in the doldrums for fucking yeah almost a decade. We'll figure it. What I'm here. What's the move? Just do it yourself for Well, what's the question? Well the question give you my advice. I'm not JJ Abrams. We've never written a movie before So we were just we're in the dark here. I think it's a pretty funny. Well, read, well educate yourself, take screenwriting class.

Starting point is 01:19:46 Well, we finished the script. And, well, that's not what I'm talking about. Oh, okay. You know, read every, read Save the Cat. Read it, read it. Robert McKee, read all that shit. You gotta educate yourself. Find a coach, find a script writing coach that you trust.

Starting point is 01:20:00 Well, we had, we wrote with two other writers who have experience with it. Yeah, and then the story If you don't have a good story, you don't have a good script. The story is more important than the jokes Sure, and the story has to have the jokes the jokes won't have any Comedic value if this story isn't lock solid The story has to have like emotional you got to make a cry so that you can make them laugh yeah I was hoping that the rest of them were just

Starting point is 01:20:33 gonna and you would get drunk and forget which ones you definitely want that in your drink they call it sugar glass but it's not it's not sugar. Oh, really don't want to drink that It was like sugar in like Charlie Chaplin's era now. It's like a harsh chemicals Well, we'll check out bombing with Eric Andre, thank you. I'm so sorry Come back next time. We'll do it again, man. Absolutely. Take me to a show because I'm fucking rusty. I want to bomb. I need to bomb more. I got to show the seller and I have your welcome to pop on. You should do it seems a little bit late. Is it at four?

Starting point is 01:21:17 Is it? It's late. It's like 520pm. 1030. I know you're old now. I'm very tired. I'm tired. Do you get sleep easy? Oh, no, and I have a baby so it's yeah, I'm like after show my adrenaline kicks in and then it's like Mine saw I sis cuz I had insomnia. I got addicted Xanax. Yeah me too like we kicked it Kinda oh geez. Well, some of those oxys and we'll talk Thank you Kinda. Oh jeez. Well, sell me some of those oxys and we'll talk. Well, thank you, Andre. Thanks, dude. Yeah, anytime.

Starting point is 01:21:49 Good to see you, man. All right. See you guys. You're the same old cat. Get some bodega cat. We'll see you all in hell. Praise Allah. Cheers.

Starting point is 01:21:57 Hey, folks. First off, I want to say thanks for coming out. UK, we loved you. Love going there and always a blast. Sorry about the immigration. Rochester, New York, Portchester,chester Albany Burlington, Wassau Wisconsin Green Bay Eugene, Oregon hit that Nike store Ho San Jose Hyannis mass that's Cape Cod

Starting point is 01:22:16 Now we're going to Connecticut Ben Salem PA at Parks Casino and off to New Zealand Australia all over Perth and Brisbane Sydney we added a show gonna bring the lady or no? I'm gonna bring the lady and not the baby. Wow. Yeah, we're putting it in an orphanage. I like it. Church steps.

Starting point is 01:22:35 Oliver twisted. Oh yeah, it's gonna send that puppy right down the Nile. I got the Red Bank, New Jersey, the Count Basie Theater, July 12th, August 7th, we got Boston, Massachusetts, the Wilbur, can't wait. We got Irvine Improv, August 22nd through 24th. Then we got Oklahoma City, the following weekend, the Brick Town Comedy Club, late August,

Starting point is 01:22:58 it'll be my birthday there. September 19th, the Venetian in Vegas, can't wait, never done that room, so that'll be fun. Then we got September 25th, the Venetian in Vegas, can't wait, never done that room, so that'll be fun. Then we got September 25th, that weekend, I'll be in Rochester, New York, comedy, the Carlson Great Club. Coming up October 4th, the Chicago Theater. That's a big fat one, I love Chicago.

Starting point is 01:23:17 I'm gonna get me some Shaw's Crab House, some, I'm gonna go Tavern Pie over Deep Dish, I'm gonna say. I'm with you on that. November 14th through the 16th, I'm coming back tavern pie over deep dish. Oh, I'm with you on that November 14th through the 16th I'm coming back to Salt Lake City. You guys sold out my club Earlier this year, so I'm coming back for you guys. I love you for it and then December 4th Carnegie motherfucking hole. I'll see you there, baby. Oh, I wish there I hear it's alcoholism and comedy. Yeah

Starting point is 01:23:44 Yeah, I can't wait. It's gonna be great. So I'll see you guys there. Thanks for listening bodega cat whiskey calm drink bodega cat We love you guys and thanks to Eric Andre Heverac you know the fear juice close I've had a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her

Starting point is 01:24:27 And I get down in the same way We might be true

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We Might Be Drunk - Ep 233: Eric Andre

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