We Might Be Drunk - Ep 238: Kumail Nanjiani

Episode Date: June 30, 2025

The great Kumail Nanjiani joins Mark and Sam for a hilarious deep dive into comedy origins, Hollywood madness, and unforgettable bombs. They swap war stories from the NYC and Chicago stand-up scenes, break down the art of the riff, and relive Kumail’s wildest onstage disaster (hint: swastika tattoos don’t land at Holocaust benefits). Plus, Kumail shares how he transformed for Eternals, his love of so-bad-they’re-good movies like Zardoz, and why big burgers are ruining America. This one’s packed with killer bits, movie wrecks, and peeves about bathrooms, plane boarders, and overloaded Bloody Marys. Support the show and start your free online Hims visit today at https://www.hims.com/DRUNK Support the show and get 30% off your first Cornbread Hemp order. Use code DRUNKS at https://www.cornbreadhemp.com/DRUNKS 🎧 Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD 🛒 Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ 🎬 Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets ⸻ 🎙️ Check out That Sounds Right — the comedy panel show hosted by the producer of WMBD: https://www.youtube.com/@thatsoundsrightshow Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #KumailNanjiani #MarkNormand #SamMorril #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey #Hims #CornbreadHemp

Hey, we might be drunk. We're here with Kumail Nanjiani, my old pal. Old buddies, my god. We did open mics together in New York, 2007. We did every alt room from here to Queens, Long Island City, to Manhattan, to Brooklyn. The day I moved to New York, I brought my truck, me and Emily, with a car hitched behind us, and then they wouldn't go over the bridge, so she took the car, I had to figure out how to do it. Nightmare, I got there, friends helped me move in.

That night, I went to Kingdom of Heaven. Wow. That night, I'm like, I cannot believe Emily let me fucking do that. Yes. It's an open mic that John F. O'Donnell used to run. At the Creek in the Cave. At the Creek in the Cave in Queens.

Yeah, and it would be Sean Patton, Jesse Pob. That's where I met all these guys. I met all you guys my first day in New York. Wow. That whole New Orleans crew, you know, like Cassidy and Chesley and everybody. Well, the big news about you, or the big word on the street, because you were rising, we were all idiots

and drunks and whatever, but you were like, you had a mission, you were rising we were all idiots and drunks and whatever but you were like you had a mission you were like I'm going for it and I never saw you bomb you know I texted you recently I was I was just like I'm proud of you all your success and all that and you said never saw you bomb and I know coming from you that means a lot yeah thank you I like hearing that. I was at every shit show, every outhouse, townhouse, backhouse. I can't picture you, I mean I remember doing a lot of those shows with you and yeah you always seem to have a hot set. Always.

The advantage I had over all you guys was I was five years in by the time I got here. So I was doing it five years in Chicago and when I got here like the creek in the cave that first set which I thought was great was like five years of material in five minutes. Oh, I was like, this guy's a natural. He wrote that today. So my first couple months in, you know, you burned through it, my first couple months in New York, all the open mics, you guys are trying new shit.

I was doing shit that I'd done in Chicago. Now you tell me. I just thought you were this natural. But I will say that as soon as I moved to New York, my standup writing completely changed, and my standup style completely changed. New York completely changed. I would've changed it.

It became a lot more conversational, became like longer jokes, and Chicago's definitely set up punch. I moved to New York, and doing the alt rooms in New York, UCB, you had to hide your punch lines. Yes. It couldn't sound like you were doing stand-up. Yes, totally. Like it had to feel like you were just kind of like talking and then every now and then they would laugh. You're doing your A material like what else? Exactly, exactly. Yeah, the Garofalo effect. Exactly. So you had to really, really

like downplay it so it changed my writing style. I was like, oh it can't be that set up punchy anymore. It's gonna be like, you know, under the changed my writing style. I was like, oh, it can't be that set up punchy anymore. It's going to be under the surface a little bit. Yes. And you gave me the advice. You go, always do a riff up top, no matter what. If it's the best riff, just do a riff up top because it shows you're in the room. It's great.

It's great. It really works. It really works. It makes you comfortable. It makes you feel like, oh, I fucking did that. And more often than not, you're going to stumble on something. Yes. Yes. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, I fucking did that. And more often than not, you're going to stumble on something. Yes, yes. Yeah.

And then you're like, oh, wow, I did that well with shit I hadn't even written. Wait till I get to the stuff I haven't even worked on. Yeah, yeah. And it was an exercise. It's still like, even to this day, you do a regular seller set. You're like, if I can get a riff off the last comic,

you get a boost. The lesbian comic before me, and she walked by me and touched my arm. And I'm like, I know she's a lesbian, but I flex when she touches my arm. Yeah, there get a I get a boost the lesbian comic before me and she walked by me and touched my arm I'm like, I know she's a lesbian, but I flex when she Pop and I was like, all right. I'm in all right, baby In the room and I was like got it. Yeah That helps that helps but yeah, those those were those are fun times good. It didn't matter as much It was all for the love of the it wasn't like we were chasing a clip

It was like give me a good bit I wonder how much New York has changed because I will say, you know, when I shoot here, I go up here, I go up at the cellar. I never used to go up at the cellar when I lived here. Now whenever I'm here, I go up at the cellar. If you're gonna do standup, New York is so much better than LA

that it's not even the same fucking country. It's so different because here, you know, I've seen you go up a bunch here. people are just always writing, doing new stuff. It's about the stand-up. I don't know how the clip thing has changed it. LA, you'll see the same dudes doing the same set five, six years in a row. Because they're not there to really, there's funny comedians, but New York is different. I'd have to become a full-fledged alcoholic. If I was doing the same act, I would hate going up. Yeah.

If I was doing the same act for five years, I think I'd be like, it's not fun. Still my most recurring nightmare, even though I didn't do stand-up for so many years and I started up again, my most recurring nightmare is I have a show and I don't have any material that I wanna do that I'm excited about. It's still the nightmare that I have most of well the new idea

I mean like killing is fun, but a new idea starting to work. There's nothing better. That's the real Dope it's the most exciting like I remember you know doing 50 first jokes. Yes Yeah, that I remember doing a bit there for the first time and being like, wow, I have a new bit! And it's fucking great! Yeah, Gavgen has five kids. He is famous for saying, I got five kids, but a new idea is my favorite thing in the world. Yeah! And I totally get it.

I was gonna say, I love his bit where he's like, I have five kids, and if you wanna know what that's like, it's like you're drowning and someone hands you another kid. Ah, that's a great joke. That's one of his lines? Yeah. He's so funny. Yeah, he's a great joke. That's one of his lines? Yeah. He's so funny. Yeah, he's a B.

He's also to hang out with. Yeah. Like a lot catier than you think he's gonna be. It's constantly roasting, like he's so funny and just cutting you like going at everybody. He's so good. He's good. He's got some venom.

I did a thing with my, we're making- Which I love, I love. Me too, me too. He did a bit part in this movie I was I was making and he didn't even read the script and he just called me and my friend gay for like ten minutes Straight and we were like what the fuck is that? But if we watch him like this is gold Yeah, he's going as gay is good. You got a clean comedian. He's a really good actor, too Yeah, I saw him on a law and order we place like a serial killer and he was like oh this guy's like a real

Act do they was like with him. He's not like three. He's like a predator, a rapist. He's done all yeah all kinds of bad shit. Yeah yeah he wants to act. Well you act now or you always act. When we knew when we were hanging out back then I would never act it. Did you have ambitions of acting then? No. Really? Not at all. I just wanted to do stand-up. Wow. It happened because I wanted a writing job,

because it's impossible to make money doing stand-up. You know, unless you're doing the seller all the time or touring. I wanted a writing job and I ended up getting a writing job on a show called Michael and Michael Have Issues, which was- Comedy Central? Comedy Central, Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter.

Yes, yes. And me and Jesse Klein, who's an amazing writer- She's hilarious. And stand up, were the only two writers, and the two Michaels, four of us, those guys. And they were like, we want you guys to be in the show. And then they wrote us parts, and I had to audition five times to play myself.

Wow. And I would go to the floor where they would... Sometimes I'd go to the floor where they were auditioning and I'd walk by a bunch of brown dudes, all more handsome versions of me, reading pages with my name on them. What? Four lines that had written for me to say. Wow.

I'd be like, sorry, dude, we're going with Dev Patel. Yeah. Killed it. That I even say. Wow. I feel like, sorry dude, we're going with Dev Patel. Yeah. That I even get, you know? Wow. Yeah, and then Showalter directed The Big Six, so we're still like, we're still tight, yeah. That was a big milestone.

You're like, holy shit, Kumail, not only is he acting, it's like he made a fucking movie. And you got Romano in it. Romano's the best, Romano's the best, a great dude, sweet guy, really great, so funny. Still does stand up at the cellar, still hilarious. Dude, his stuff is so solid. He's so famous from Raymond that he's kind of underrated

now as a standup. I think he's underrated across the board. I think the show, Everybody Loves Raymond is underrated. I think that's one of the great- It did pretty well. It did well. It's hard to call the show underrated. They don't talk about it as one of the great sitcoms of all time, and I think it's one of the great- It did pretty well. It did well, but it's not- That's why it's called the show underrated. You know, they don't talk about it

as like one of the great sitcoms of all time, and I think it's in that conversation. It's a great show. I think it's really, really good. I think he's underrated as a dramatic actor. He's like a really good actor, and he's underrated as a standup. I remember seeing a standup like, you know,

from before his show where he's talking about his twins and like the orange juice they give you and like a little thimble. Yes, yes. So funny. So funny. So good. good yeah I remember my dr. Katz back in the day and you'd be like these are good fucking bits that was a great job I loved that Jake Johansson on there oh it's like Jake Johansson was like my was he your guy he was my guy interesting Jake Johansson was my guy lettermans or something crazy something like that yeah all killer, yeah. All killer sets.

Yeah. His HBO special from like 93 called This Will Take About An Hour, great title for a special. Ah, that is great. Is one of my favorite specials. I gotta rewatch, I saw that years ago, but I gotta rewatch it,

cause really really good. I remember the hot Letterman set back in the day. Oh yeah. When he did the cyclone bit, I remember that. That was a hot set, man. Cyclone, heroin, the cake bit, I remember that. That was a hot set, man. Cyclone, Heroin, the Cake bit, I remember all your bits. All those bits were- Heroin was a big bit.

That was a big one. Heroin was the first one here that, you know, sort of like, that's how my writing changed. So like, Heroin, Cyclone, we're saying all these as if everybody knows what these fucking bits are. But like, I started doing these, I started doing these longer bits, and I started that all of those I wrote

like my first few months in New York, even though it was so stressful being in New York having no money, I was the most like, the most I ever wrote, the most like creatively engaged. It was great, like you know, we were out every night. Every night. Every night. And then you showcased, the comics were the audience a lot of times

So when you had a real audience you could really kill it because we were running with weights on constantly then you go to cabin Yeah, it's a showcase in front of 23 playing. Yeah paying people. Yes, not pay even pay There was there that was that tiny room, but you've never seen Just next coming by Kumail Hannibal all this gaffigan. Oh shit I remember Jesse Eisenberg would come watch it sometime. Whoa. I didn't know that. Yeah Eisenberg is a big stand-up fan. We don't have to watch this please Find a good performance of it find another one. I'll tell you where It's Letterman, you know, it's not gonna be

Here what year are we talking here? I I had to guess, what is this, 2012, 2000? Wow. Started right before his show got canceled. Wow. So that one was an interesting story because that, there was. You made it to like 2015, didn't you?

You had a window. Oh, did he go to 2015? He went pretty long, I think you can look this up Yeah, we yeah, but therefore man that happened because I did No, it's Colbert. Hey, I I hate that Google AI is the top answer. I know I know They fucking ruined everything yeah Took this database that had all the information in the world right Right. Have an idiot like regurgitating it. Yes, yes.

This sounds like a peeve to me. It's a total peeve. I hate it, I just wanna just link me to the article. I can read, I can figure it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's only gonna get worse, by the way. 2015, May 20th, 2015. Okay, there you go. All right, well.

Can you just do a short version of it? What was the exact angle of the hair, how did the hair, I remember, shake cakes. That was a short bit. I know the whole bit. exact angle of the heroin? How did the heroin come about? I remember shake cakes. That was a short bit. I know the whole bit. The angle of the heroin was, this was real, was that there was a new, I saw these news reports about this new,

it's hard not to go into the cadence here. Yeah, do it, do it. It was the new drug called cheese. I saw these news reports, they were like, kids are doing it, it's an epidemic, it's a new drug, it's an epidemic. So I looked up what cheese is, this is all true by the way,

cheese is Tylenol PM and heroin So really it's heroin It's mostly heroin Heroin is doing the heavy lifting. Yes Not a new drug. Yeah, I said heroin heavy liftings the yeah, that's a great look. Yeah Yeah, I feel like a bag of Big Terrific here. Yeah, Big Terrific good show big show. Yeah, that was a great show Yeah Yeah, big terrific good show big show. Yeah, that was a great show Yeah, I remember I did that once if someone came up to me was like you say heroin 17 times in that joke Wow That was the car original read it remember remember when Carlin bit that did the the the stuff bit you know yeah

Oh, yeah, you're tough. He realized if you say it like three times. It's not funny if you say it once It's like fine, but you say it like 40 times, it's not funny. If you say it once, it's like fine. But if you say it like 40 times, it's funny. If you say it, it becomes funnier each time. Well, the trick with heroin became, it was like a longer bet, was like, I say it a bunch up front, and then how long can I wait and then say it again as a punch line? And then how much longer can I, like,

you wanna forget it, you want the audience to forget, and then you say heroin again. Right, right. So like, you go off on a tangent, and then come right back to it. So it's sort of like, they think it to forget, and then you say heroin again. Right, right. So you go off on a tangent and then come right back to it. So it's sort of like they think it's done and then it's not. That was the fun thing of that bit. Nowadays, they wouldn't even let that on late night. Yeah, you're probably right.

They'd probably be on foul and I'd be like, you can't say heroin. That many times. Yeah. I mean, they do say it a lot. Seven feet down. It requires that many times. Oh yeah, the bit was beaten to death and then you had

the shoelaces moved, the shoelaces bounced. Oh yeah. About the video game. About Call of Duty. Yeah, that was a big one. My god, you remember the bit. I couldn't write good jokes, so I was like, ah! We're all doing well. We're all in the mix doing well. I look back at it, like your stuff, it still stands. If I did some of my old stuff. Dude, your first album's fucking great. Oh, no, that was too fun to watch. Letterman would do that.

I remember Nick Griffin had to say, Nick Griffin, if you haven't seen him. Nick Griffith, the master of the five minute late night. Oh my God. Unbelievable. One of the greats. Watch all of his Letterman sets. But he had a joke I loved where he goes, young women are filled with sugar and spice

and everything nice and I'm filled with anger and semen and shame. And they made him change it to anger and Prozac and shame. It doesn't hit the same. Oh, Prozac, get out of here. I bet it worked, though. It worked. But the alliteration is like semen and shame.

Yes, yes, the S. His just, he's so authentic. I mean, he's so just miserable on stage. Depressed, yeah. But it's so, he's a great writer. And like, it's hard to have someone who has such a point of view and is such a sharp joke writer, you know?

I know. It's full of personality, but also like the perfect word choices. He always, his jokes are so concise. I mean, and he's so good at picking, he had an opener too where they say, you know, no matter how bad you have, there's always someone worse off than you. He says, now I'm depressed picking he had an opener to it. They say you know no matter how bad you have There's always someone worse off than you. He said now. I'm depressed and worried about this other poor guy

That's a great opener. It's like oh, yeah, who the fuck he is immediately. Yeah, he's a sad guy. Yeah, yeah He's a great joke. Yeah, he's a great like the five-minute set You know I always look up to those people who could lead to nail. Well, you said you love Jake Johansson. Jake Johansson could do that, you know? There was a guy, Jeff Caldwell, who was amazing on Letterman, but I never really saw him around. Does he work? He was at the comic strip all the time. Oh, he was, okay.

I was at the strip a lot back in those days. I'd never see him. You know, I think of all these guys you would see in the 80s on One Night Stand and all that stuff. Yeah. And now you see their names pop up on a kids show. It'll be like executive producer. That's true. That's true.

You know, a lot of them are like, been working in the business for years. Yeah, that guy. The SpongeBob guy, I think was like a eighties comic and now he's- He was on Mr. Show and stuff. Yeah. Tom Kenny.

That's it. Yeah, he was really funny. His standup was really funny. Yeah. Oh, good. He was amazing. It was very like high energy, act out, he stand up. Got it, got it. He was amazing. It was very like high energy act out-y stand up. Got it, got it.

He was good, he's a funny guy. Okay, do you miss the late night, oh it almost feels over, feels dead, the five minutes. It really bums me out, it was my favorite thing. Most of my career, my goal was to be a late night talk show host and then it stopped being that at some point. But you know I'm hosting Kimmel's show for a week this year.

I hosted it last year. Wow. I love it, you know why I love it? Because it's really, to me, the exact intersection of everything in Hollywood. You can have a guy whose last movie made a billion dollars next to a guy who can like chew bubble gum and whistle the national anthem at the same time.

It's like every level of success right there at the same time. Yeah, you get the animal attacks or the animal expert guy. You get some animal expert guy who just like joins SAG so he can do this next to George Clooney. Right, right, that's true. And then the host is like, this is my show, I'm supposed to give them the spotlight, but also it's kind of my show, so that tension is there too.

And you know, I mean, the reason I started stand up was because of Conan. I mean, Conan, Conan O'Brien's show is like what made me absolutely fall in love with comedy. And you just did the Mark Twain thing. I just did the Mark Twain thing. I got very nervous for that. Wait, what was that? That was intense.

Conan won a Mark Twain. Oh, you did a piece. I did a piece and you're like, first of all it's Conan, who is like my hero. The king. And then the other people presenting are Letterman, Colbert, Sandler, Will Ferrell. Jesus Christ.

Nikki Glaser, John Mulaney. I mean, it's a wild, wild room. And you're just going up with all these people. How did you run this? You don't run it? I didn't run it. You didn't even take it to like a... Come on.

No. Well, this is what I did. What I did was I was like, if I'm doing straight standup and you got Mulaney, you got Glazer, you got Sandler, you got all these people there. That's tough to sort of like go straight at them, you know? So I did like a presentation. I was like, I'll have graphics, I'll have charts,

Twain talk, like a Ted talk, I did a little Ted talk parody. And then I knew, I was like, these are the bits, this graph will pop up, that's gonna get a laugh, you know. Yep, yep. They made a funny graph. I do this, I just set up, that graph's gonna come up, that's gonna get a laugh. So I like, I was like I'll do something different. Yeah. And it'll be different and it'll do well because it's different. Oh smart. You just trusted that, you're like, did you run it by friends? Who'd you run it by? No, I was pretty sure it was funny. I mean, you know, the-

Give me the set. This is the Kumail set. Look at that. We don't need the photo. What are you doing? No, no, no. No, no, no. No, we're not gonna see this.

Well, I just wanna see you on the stage with a graph or a graphic. Yeah, see me on stage with a graphic. Okay, here we go. But yeah, that is scary. What is it, Lincoln Center? It's at the one with all the Kennedy Center Kennedy Center. That's the one different president. Yeah, it may they may not have put it on that was

Oh, you did her too. That was a few Dreyfus yeah Maybe it's uh, yeah Conan. There you go go. Oh is that it backstage? That's backstage See they didn't put it. They didn't put it on the how is that? But what's your connection to Julia Louis? They didn't put any of them on okay? Trump related no Because it's on Netflix now Wanted to be on Netflix. It's not Trump-related. OK. I've known Julia because I did a part on Veep years and years

ago. And it's one of the few things that I've gotten from just an audition. Nice. I auditioned with her. It was really fun. And then I did one episode. And that's how I got Silicon Valley,

was from doing that one episode. But she was great. And we sort of stayed in touch and I mean she's fucking incredible. She's a dream guest. I'm a big fan. She's awesome and she's like super grounded, super normal, like she would like go out with us.

Wow. And it's like weird, like she's the biggest sitcom of all time. I think you could make an argument that she's the greatest comed biggest sitcom of all time. Of course. I think you could make an argument that she's the greatest comedic actor of all time. Most successful. Most successful.

She's got the... Well, here's what we were saying just before. Uh-huh. I think Adam Sandler is the most successful comedic actor of all time. He might be right there too. Because people have had heights, you know, obviously Jim Carrey at his height was like the...

It's very rare that a comedic actor is the biggest movie star. Jim Carrey had that. He had three number one movies in the same year. He had Dumb and Dumber, The Mask, and Ace Ventura in the same year. 1994. Imagine what that's like.

Insane. Will Ferrell had big heights, you know, super funny people, they're all hilarious, but Sandler, since the 90s, up until now, has been like making huge comedies that entire time. That's true, and I'll throw in a couple dramas, Punched Drunk Love, Uncut Gems, yeah,

he's got a new Spaceman movie coming out. But he was talking like TV, I think, you were talking TV. Oh, you're talking TV. Yeah, maybe I should have said accomplished or successful. I think Julia has to be because she's won a bunch of Emmys. She's been on like three different shows that all she won best actress for.

What was the second one? New Adventures? New Adventures, Old Christine, Seinfeld, and Veep. I would say Seinfeld and Veep are in like top 10 comedy. Yeah, agreed. Two of those she got. She also has a reoccurring role in Arrested Development that's great. She's a blind lady

Yeah, and she was on SNL on the fucking 80s Yeah, I'm gonna crazy resume and her dad is an oil tycoon Oh, so it's not one of these like I came up from the streets the wrong side of the tracks I just had it just had it well That's the tough thing is that each you know you growing up with that much money and still being cool and normal, like that's what I'm doing. The old neutral. And you know, it also shows, you know,

so many people talk about like, oh, their parents were rich, they had opportunities and stuff, and that's totally true. It's much harder to come from not having any safety net. Like I didn't have a safety net. I don't know if you guys had a safety net. For me, it was like, if this doesn't work,

like I gotta get a real fucking job. Definitely. What it shows is that this, pursuing this stuff, is what a lot of people want to do if they had the opportunity. That's all it shows to me really, is that more people would be like, rich art school kids and stuff.

Yeah, if you give poor people those opportunities, I think you'd have more people doing that too. Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. I do think, because everybody says, you gotta be depressed, you gotta be molested, you gotta be beaten, it's the only way to be great. I really hate that. I don't like it either. I often say you gotta be molested. I heard that somewhere. Hitler said Oprah was molested.

Yeah, hey, what are you doing to your son? Making him an artist. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That would be a good argument. Ha ha ha ha ha. Like you hear this guy, you know, he's got the crazy, he grew up in a whorehouse, his dad died, his mom was fucked in front of him, he was a heroin addict or a coke addict or whatever,

but so they're like, he's the best comedian of all time, it's because of that. But also, Seinfeld's a funny comedian. He grew up in the suburbs of Long Island. I think that's exactly right. I don't think you have to be damaged. This whole thing that you have to be damaged to be an artist, I think it's false. Some damaged people make great art, some completely well, like normal people also make great. Seinfeld's an observational comic and Pryor is essentially like a cautionary tale. Like you shouldn't be like me,

but it's hilarious that I'm aware of how fucked up I am. There's different types of comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Different types of comedy. And I'm sure there's welders who are molested. And welders who weren't molested, and they're both as good as welding. But the ones who are molested are welding a little bit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you see that word. They're working hard. Did a. But the ones who are molested are welding a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see that word. They're working hard. Did a victim's child abuse make this? Because it's fucking perfect. You welded the shit out of this thing. There's no room between the... Between the metals. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I guess so. That is a clean weld. Yeah. You got to give us movie wrecks on this, Pog. Because you are like a movie... you're like a kind of- You're in movies. You're in movies, but I feel like every time I'd see you at the cellar, you'd be like, oh, you gotta watch this.

Or like, oh, you gotta- Well, did you see the one I told you to watch Dark City? Of course. Yeah. I watched the director's cut. Isn't it great? Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, no, it was like a sci-fi noir. I loved it.

It was awesome. It's a sci-fi noir, and if you look at, don't look up the story, but if you look up the visuals, you'll be like, oh my God, 90s, Matrix, Rupaf. It came out before the Matrix. It came out before the Matrix. It's really a cool movie. And it's a fantastic movie.

Jennifer Connelly, Rufusul, Kiefer Sutherland, really going for it. If you wanna see Kiefer Sutherland really going for it. Okay. That's a great movie. If I'm gonna, this is a movie that's like a so bad it's good movie that I'm gonna recommend. Dark City is good good, but I can't believe more people

don't know about this movie. People might have heard about it, but so many people have not seen it. It's a movie called Zardoz. Have you heard of it? Zardoz? Look it up. That was my Uber driver.

Z-A-R-D-O- Zardoas. Have you heard of it? Zardas. Look it up. It's my Uber driver. Zardas. Zardas. Zardas. See, look, that picture of Sean Connery right there. Holy shit. So he. This is hilarious. What the fuck? He's in that.

I think Raquel Welch wore the same outfit. In this whole movie, you're like, oh, is he dressed like, there's no way he's dressed like that in the whole movie. He's not, because halfway through, he takes off the bandolier. And it is just him. What the fuck? In those red little undies the entire time, completely out of shape, extremely hairy back.

Wow. Just wheezing through the whole thing. This is after James Bond. This is unreal. And his movie, it's after James Bond. His career wasn. And his movie, you know, it's after James Bond, his career wasn't doing well, he got this offer. This guy, John Borman, had just directed Deliverance. And everybody in town was like, we want to do...

I think I'd rather be Ned Beatty in Deliverance. I'm just kidding. It's a insane movie. It's so fucking fun. It's like, to me, the perfect good-bad movie. All right so fucking fun. It's like the to me the perfect good bad movie All right, wild you gotta send me these two because I want to remember these huge budget Cuz so everybody in town was fighting to make his next movie and I think it was Fox was like Whatever you want. We'll make we don't even need to read it and he was like, okay

We're making this and they signed the deal and then he sent them the movie They're like what the fuck and it's a huge budget movie that is an absolute disaster and it's so fucking good Wow I can't wait you know they always say Sean Conner is pro-hitting women I bet it's women who brought this movie up. Barbara Walther should have hit back with this in that interview. How was Zardos? dogs look at terribly looks he's fucking doey and what one pale oh my god that area legs to pray it looks like a

demon this is brutal or guys we were gonna cut to an ad for a man scape trade yeah haha this is James Bond going on insane what Yeah, it's a wild movie. It's also the movie itself, the point of view of the movie is like very misogynistic. It's like very sexist. It's sort of like, the point of the movie is like guys should be out there doing stuff and women should be in the kitchen making food. That's, that's what the movie's perspec- it's fucking amazing.

Wow. It's an incredible movie. You like a good bad. You told me about The Room before anybody was talking about The Room. I do. What I, you know, I like a good bad when I think it's really, I think it has to come from passion. Hey, folks, We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by HIMS.

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That's cornbreadhemp.com slash drunks and use code drunks. When you watch The Room, you're like, this is the movie this guy wanted to make. He didn't make it because he was like, people will like this or it's going to be a big hit or I want to get money to make my next movie. He was like, this is what I want to express to the world yes when people make movies that they you know they want to be bad that never works but

Zardoz like that guy made that movie because he had to make that right this guy Tommy Wise will made the room because he had to make the room to me those kinds of bad movies where it's like real passion that's that's the sweet spot yeah it wasn't like a money grab they came where it's like real passion, that's the sweet spot. I'm with you, yeah. It wasn't like a money grab. No, there's like soul in it. Yes. And honestly, so many Hollywood movies right now

are so like test marketed and test audience and overthought and all the edges are off. You see something that was clearly made by one guy. It's exciting because it's so different from everything else. That's true, that's true. You're in the Marvel universe. Yeah. Do we have the toy?

Guys. You're dead. Some respect. It's a voodoo doll. This is badass. I know. I mean, is it crazy you think that kids are playing with this? Yeah, I don't know if kids are playing with it.

Yeah, I mean, that was a real dream. Like, you know, I grew up collecting action figures. I love them and that was really like, looks like me, you know? I got to approve it. Yeah? They would set you like different versions and you say, oh my god. And you got kind of jacked here.

I mean, what the hell? Kind of jacked. I mean, really jacked. Look at it. Look at that. Holy shit. You got really jacked. That's Zardoz.

Zardoz. I got Zardoz. Damn. Wow. Was that miserable to have to get that jacked? Getting that jacked was miserable. It was truly, truly miserable. Honestly, once you have it, keeping it is like,

a fourth is difficult. Keeping it is not that hard. Not that I look like that, I don't look like that. But. Yeah, I see, it looked pretty good. Getting it is hard. Keeping it is much easier. Not easy, but easier.

Emily must have loved it. Emily was like, she was like, it's, see, she had an adjustment, because she was like, your body feels so different. At one point she said, you know, after we had sex, she's like, it's like fucking the corner of a building. Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah, that's perfect. That's great. And then, you know, she started really working out too. Like, we've got a gym now in our house and now she's like, she's got like abs and stuff. Ooh! She got, she does like weights and all that.

Like, heavy weights, you know, for her. For a lady. Yeah. Come on. I mean, was it just like awesome to be in this movie? It was a big budget. That's what's great about it. Yes.

The budget is insane. You're really in the lap of luxury. They give you a driver that's like, he knew he was a great guy, like we became friends, still talk to him, take you wherever you want, whenever you want, weekend, day off, whatever it is. He drove me to Stonehenge, which is a few hours away, drove me back, me and Emily, both of us back.

Really, the food's amazing. When they gave you a go. What are you eating on the Eternal? So they do this thing where you go. What are you eating on the Eternal? So they do this thing where you go and you talk to the guy and you tell them, they get all your, they have your exact macros, exact calories, they give you five meals a day that are exactly for you.

Everybody's meals are different, different quantities. And you could be like, hey tonight I'm gonna go like do this. So they're like adjust it and fix it for you. Or like, oh on the weekend I want to go out and have Indian food. Look there he is. That was quick. That is quick work. Well done. What meals were those? Man they get your meals, they give you a driver. This

is big big Hollywood. You really, excuse me? Nice hotel. Well we had excuse me? Nice hotel. Well, we had an apartment. Yeah, nice apartment. Yeah, no, it's a great, I mean, you do realize on movie sets how much money is being wasted. I know. You hear like, you know, this movie was cheap. It was $10 million and you're like,

10 million, so much money. How does it take so much money to make something that looks like shit? Right. So much money is wasted. I know. I mean, you know, there's just a lot of wasted time, a lot of wasted time.

It's true. How did the movie come up? I mean, was it something that you kind of sought out, or did you audition, or what was the process? No, they called me, you know? Oh, cool. Kind of out of nowhere, they just called me. Chloe Zhao, who directed Nomadland,

and The Rider, and all these. I knew she was doing this movie, Eternals, and they were like, hey, she wants to have a meeting with you, and I was like, what is this about? And I just walked in, and they were, her and Nate Moore, who's a producer, whose greatest producer, all the Black Panther movies, you know, they like sat there and pitched me

the whole movie in 45 minutes, and I was like, so what are you saying? They're like, would you wanna play this part? Like they didn't tell me that's what it was and I was like, yeah, of course. Of course. They'd already cast Angelina Jolie. I was the second person cast after her.

That's exciting. Angelina Jolie, yeah. Jesus. What was less exciting was the, don't bring up the rotten tomato. Yeah. Did that just throw you for a loop? Because you're making a movie, you're like, this is good.

We're making a good thing and then you see reviews that are like, that didn't love it. What's your reaction? Yeah, it obviously threw me for a loop, you know? It was like really like sort of jarring. I actually talk about it in my standup, like my new, I just did a Hulu special, it's gonna come out in December. All right. I talk about it in my standup, like my new, I just did a Hulu special, it's gonna come out in December.

All right. I talk about what that was like, because it's also, you know, you're like, I'm living the dream. Like, you tell any version of me as a kid that I get to do this, I'm thrilled. I don't care what the reviews are. So the fact that people have real problems,

people have much harder things, but the fact that this thing, the reviews of my big Hollywood movie, like fucking destroying me, is also like, get it together, you know? Like, there are bigger problems. But yeah, it really threw me for a loop. I think if you wrote it, and directed it,

it'd be a little different, but yeah, you're just in the movie. Yeah, but it's still your face up there. That's true. It makes a difference, it's tough. I've been at the premiere of a movie that I was in that I was like, it was one of the worst bombs. Oh.

I've never seen a movie bomb at a premiere, and this movie, this is a big movie with big movie stars, bombed it. How big a role did you have in it? I didn't have a huge role. Well, finally you bombed. Yeah. Finally you bombed, finally.

Can I tell you my worst bomb? I don't know if this story might not be appropriate. No, I thought, I already farted. This story might not be appropriate. You can do anything here. Okay, so this was a few years ago. I wasn't doing standup at this time, so this was between The Big Sick. This was, I wasn't doing standup at this time. So this was between the big sec

and me starting standup again. I hadn't been doing standup. And I was doing a show at Largo. That was like a benefit. And just by chance, me, Martin Starr, and Thomas Middleditch were all on it. We're all in Silicon Valley. Yes.

This is a horrible story. I can't believe I'm telling it. Bring it on, baby. So Martin's gonna sing. Thomas is doing improv with Keegan-Michael Key. This is horrible story. I can't believe I'm telling bring it on, baby so Martin's gonna sing Thomas is doing improv with Keegan-Michael Key I'm gonna do stand-up and I hadn't been doing stand-up and it's like a bunch of maybe it was 2015-2040 something like that anyway So Thomas goes up and he's doing improv with Keegan and he asked for a suggestion and

someone in the audience yells out, Nazi! And Thomas pulls up his sleeve, and there's a swastika tattoo, because that day, Thomas had shot a sketch where he had a swastika tattoo, and he hadn't just taken it off, it comes straight there. So, someone yells, Nazi. He actually made it permanent, and he's like, eh.

It hurts so much to get this. He pulls it up, and the crowd goes wild. He crushes, because it's such a fucking crazy thing. And then he explains to them, I played this thing, this is washable, I'm gonna wash it up. So that happens, okay? That's amazing. So I go up to Martin and I'm like, hey Martin,

we should both draw swastikas on our arms. So we can go out and be like, you know, I'll go up and I'll be like, hey Martin, we should both draw swastikas on our arms so we can go out and be like, I'll go up and I'll be like, hey, the cast of Silicon Valley, we had such a wonderful experience, he wanted to get a tattoo to commemorate it and raise it and show it. And Martin was like, that's a bad idea, don't do that.

And I'm like, no, no, no, it's good. So I convinced someone to like with a Sharpie, draw a swastika on my arm. I go out there, opening joke, you say riff in the beginning, this is what I did. I was like, hey, so you know, cast Silicon Valley, we got so close, you wanted to all get a tattoo. You saw Thomas, he says, here's mine.

And I pull it up and it's a scratched in swastika and it is fucking silent. I have never heard this much silence. And now I got 14 minutes to go. So I'm just sitting there, my arms burning, right where I drew the swastika, my ears are burning, I do the whole set, bomb. Someone whispers, it's a Holocaust benefit.

I wanna clarify, this is before Nazis came back. Nazis used to be a punchline, remember? Hitler was a punchline. Now it's a headline. Yeah, now it's a headline, Yeah. Now it's a headline. From punchlines to headlines. Yes. Martin goes up after me and he's like, I have a tattoo too,

but I don't think you guys want to see it. Kills again. The first guy killed, the third guy killed, and the middle guy didn't. Wow. That's like a comedy class. It is. It is a comedy class.

So his worked? Or he didn't show it. That's why. He didn't even fly. That's the's why he didn't even genius. He didn't like I don't want that on me Yeah, I think that's probably the best Wow Took a big swing I took a big swing, you know, sometimes you got to take a big swing But this is what this is like my nightmare, you know, I hadn't been doing stand-up. I did write material I was like, I don't know what I'm gonna do Oh, I'll open with this. I'll write that laugh for the first five to six years Then I'll bring up the other like half big then you're like you guys you guys heard a cheese Did you pull out of that nose dive

Wow. That is hilarious, that story. God damn. Did you pull out of that nose dive? No. Oh, man. Damn. I remember being like, I am totally bombing. I had drawn it over here.

And I remember talking for like two or three minutes and realizing, oh, I should cover this. Like I'd forgotten that I was still showing. Just watching a swastika for three minutes. And then I covered it and continued to bomb. Terrible set. Jesus, yeah. We've all had, you know, you got to have your riff,

you take a shot sometimes, and sometimes it doesn't work. You know? Here is one of the best versions of those that, those are good. You guys don't know Jason Fever. Jason Fever was this Chicago comedian, like all the Chicago dudes you know, we all know him. And he lives in LA now, he's a really funny guy,

and he was always like, anti-comedy was this thing. This is the funniest thing I ever saw him do. This is fucking insane. There was a show, so we would do all these alt rooms, like in New York, you know, there were these alt things, but there was a bar called Joe's on Weed Street, which was like a douchebag warehouse. It was like where the hot people went,

and that was not our place, but they would have this show once a month and it was fucking killer, because it'd be 400 people packed, gorgeous people, and we would kill and it was great. Yeah. They booked Jason Fever, which was a mistake, because Jason Fever's an anti-comic.

He's not letting go. He wants to like piss people off. So he goes on stage and he's like, I just wanna say, I'm sorry, that intro, you guys weren't excited enough for me. So we have to do that again. I'm going to go off and when I come back, you have to go really, really go nuts.

And he has these posters that he's made. Go Jason Fever, we love Jason Fever. And he's handing them out to people. And now people are getting really into it. They're getting really excited. He's making them chant like Jason, fever, Jason, fever. And the crowd's really into it. They're getting really excited. He's making them chant like Jason, Fever, Jason, Fever. And the crowd's really into it. For five minutes, he hypes them up.

He passes out all this stuff, hats that he's gotten made and all this stuff. People are really excited. He's like, all right, I'm going to go off right now. And then host going to introduce me as if for the first time. I come out and you guys go fucking insane. Like, you just, Eddie Murphy's here. He leaves stage.

The guy comes out he's like please welcome to the stage Jason Fever crowd goes fucking wild the walls are shaking and he comes out in a KKK outfit and they hated it and you're backstage like I'm gonna go out in a KKK outfit We should do it Martin Wow, but they hated it that's gold it ate shit, but it's I mean it's It's for the story. Yeah, he didn't care. He liked that I mean it's one of those things that you would think of the crowds cool enough They'd like be like oh you got us yeah, yeah exactly

There was a Canadian guy would like come out like this I forgot his name But he was like fist bump the crowd and he would like as you got us yeah, yeah exactly there was the Canadian guy He would like come out like this I forgot his name, but he was like fist bump the crowd and he would like as you would fist make a white power You know had a little of that, but it always was funny was John Doar Remember John Doar was a little dangerous. He was all dangerous, but brilliant. I haven't seen him in a while. I haven't either He's so funny. He's a very funny. I love his success with Rory Scovell. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. He's one of those guys, John Doar, that was just naturally so funny and had his own thing. I was like, oh, this guy, he's also handsome. I was like, oh, this guy, movie star. He's got it all. I just did Dr. Phil on Sunday, and Rory was the other guest. First of all, it is great to see Roy

I haven't seen him in a while, but you forget how fucking quick he is. He's so funny. He's so committed He's so quick. It was incredible. I saw him in Atlanta Improvise a whole hour long one-man show. Yeah, it had like three acts It was the craziest thing. Crazy. Fully improvised one story. It's a, he comes out and he starts off, he's holding the mic by the wires that the mic is hanging down.

And so people can barely hear him. And it's just about this guy who, he wants to be a comedian, but he doesn't know how to hold a microphone. He does a whole hour long story. And at the end he like, fine, he does the whole thing with the mic hanging down. Wow. And at the end he gets it and then people go fucking insane

Jesus killing the entire time with fully made-up shit yeah we would do like Montreal auditions a new face it was a big deal you got to get this and he would go up as a character and never tell them that he was that guy so he would be like a southern guy you know like a southern gay guy like hi how y'all doing you know he tuck his shirt in and everything. And he would kill, and then he would just leave. And I'm up there sweating like, uh, cereal's weird, and I didn't get it.

But he would get it off of a character. He was next level. Yeah, his newest HBO special is the first time, I think, that he sat down and wrote a whole hour. Oh, great. Really good. OK. It's really good. Well, he wrote good jokes, jokes man his late-night sets were funny always. Oh, yeah. He's really funny. He's got it all Oh, what was I gonna ask you? Hold on. He just moved to Denver. Yeah, that's right. That's a rough airport

That's a rough airport. I just think it's being a comic. That's it. You gotta have a good airport Yeah, I could not agree more. Yeah, that was one of the brutal things about living in Chicago. O'Hara sucks. O'Hara's a tough airport. Yeah, well that Chicago class, that stands alone. I think the Boston, you know, it's like Louis C.K., Bill Burr, Stan Hope, Patrice. It's crazy. Dane Cook. David Cross. David Cross, yeah, it just goes on and on. But then you got Chicago, it's like you, TJ Miller, Pete Holmes, Jared Logan, Nick

Vatterot, Kyle Kanane, Matt Bronger, Hannibal, Malaney, like, um, we, Brooke Van Poplin, I mean, uh, I'm falling off here. But, uh, you know, you know, but it was like a, it was a great group for a while. Who did I leave out? Hannibal? Yes. She gave me these socks. I think they're so funny just as women stand up It's well like it's a sport. Yeah That's telling super funny. Yeah. Oh, yeah

One Chicago. Yeah, we had a good Angelo Angelo we had a good group and again, it was like here We were just performing for each other in front of you. Barely any audiences. And all that mattered, I remember there was an open mic on Monday nights that we used to do called Lion's Den. And that was like the center of the scene in Chicago because the clubs never booked locals. The Zanies never booked us.

And so every Monday night you'd go put your name in a hat, there'd be like 70 to 80 people going up and the show would start at eight and go till like three a.m. And there were waves. In the beginning it wasn't good, then around 15 to 30 it would be good, then it'd be dead again.

And then the pretty people who worked at the restaurant where one of them was a stand up would show up with all his hardcore workers and then it became a party again. So it was like really, I remember once I was up late and all the cool people were in later, and I was like, oh man, I just wanna kill in front of this crowd.

So I just went up and I did five minutes from something that had worked for me in a couple weeks. As soon as that came off, after crushing, Kyle was like, I've heard that one. Ooh. Kanaan said that. Kanaan said that.

Oh, he called you out. Yeah, he called me out And I was like that's that's right like that's not what this room is for right right? That's what it was I resent people when they would do like we've new joke night the seller And I get a little annoying you can't do well when people are doing shit that I've seen Like look if it's crushed like once or twice in the main room. It's still new you're adding a tag That's one thing, but if you're doing an old bit, you can't do that. I'm just like, dude, you're fucking up the curve in here.

There's no honor in that. I get annoyed for sure. Totally. That's the thing with 51st jokes too. I would be pissed when I was like, oh, that's a bit you've been working on. Right. Yeah.

Yeah, totally. There's an honor. Oh, Beaking Hoves. You could have a friend like that though. I totally think about that all the time, and I only bring that all the time and I only bring that up to say, it was, it didn't matter how we were doing with the crowd,

we were performing for the other comics. And it had to be original and you had to have your point of view and you had to always be writing. And that's why I think that class in Chicago, you know, everybody was like kept each other on. Right. Sorry. Oh, speaking of, we do a thing on this pod

called Working on Any New Bits. So are you working in any new bits? You know, I sort of I recorded my special in March and then I took a couple months off stand-up and this Saturday is my first Time back. Oh, I'm going back on tour at the end of the month. Yeah, so I don't really have Anything new you if you have a peeve or something we could do. Yeah, what do you got a peeve? All right. I got a peeve. I got, here's my, I got two peeves. Please. I'm excited to hear them.

I don't like a burger that's too big. I think burgers are getting too big. Like LA has a five napkin burger. I don't give me that. Yeah. It's gotta be something I can eat. I don't want it. The messes are included in the name.

Yeah. Five napkins? Five napkins is so many napkins. I want a period hooker. Give me, I want the so many napkins. I want a period hooker. Give me the hooker. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a five tampon.

Yeah, I don't want to. It's going to be a mess. Yeah. Your face is going to be covered. Yeah, I don't want it dripping down my forearm. What are you, fisting? Yeah, I guess. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a great one. The burger, and sometimes they put the big knife in there I don't want the knife. Yes, you're not go in the middle of the bird. It's like a horror film with that Yeah, I like a big burger. I don't want a huge burger. I'm with the two big there's a limit I just had a burger in Atlanta that I was like, this is the part because it was big But it wasn't drippy. It was compact, the bun didn't fucking fall apart. There's so much like wet sauce,

the buns falling apart, you're just like digging your fingers straight into the meat now. I'll take it another level, not just burgers, but just sandwiches, you go to these places and they stack them like this high, I'm like how the fuck am I supposed to take a bite out of a sandwich like that? How did you?

Right. That's like- Cats you gotta open a little and eat a little out first I think, like a fork. Cats is fucking, that's like catch you got to open a little one and eat a little out first I think yeah like a fork That's an institution. I won't I love cats. I love cats nothing against cats What's that swastika now Great the big word, but it you go to Vegas and like we got the biggest steak or whatever you're like who's this for and they're like it's called the heart

attack steak or whatever they name it now they're proud of it again yeah like yeah there was a there was a heart attack burger that I that I like food truck used to have right yeah laughing skull the vortex had those crazy burgers but I'll do you one better though you get like a Bloody Mary and they put a fucking pork chop Okra an olive a celery a bacon like Burger on it like what the slider in there? Yeah exactly like enough's enough, and I love a Bloody Mary But look at that. That's a salad. That's what I'm talking about. That's a fucking donut

That's like a been yet at that, the Bloody Mary's just a dressing. Yeah. I got a Bloody Mary wreck for you. Throw a little beef broth in there. They call it a bloody bowl. It's fucking great. Bloody bowl. That was the name of that prostitute I hooked up with.

But yeah, wow, look at that. Bloody bowl, I'm down. It was fucking delicious. The other peeve I have. Please. I think every public bathroom should be pulled to enter and pushed to leave. Because when you're going in, people's hands are clean.

You can pull it, then you wash your hands. This is genius. With your butt, you push out. If I'm washing my hands and then I'm touched, so many people are touching their dicks and butts and then not washing their hands properly. It's all on the handle. Don't make me touch the handle again.

It should be pull to enter, push to leave, every single public bathroom. That's killer. That's a great piece. That's like a public announcement to the politicians. We can go to Congress with that. I could run on that. Yes, yes.

If only I wasn't born in Pakistan. I mean. That's what I said. I really feel like it's such a basic thing because I always hate, I'm like pulling up my shirt to get that I'd rather have I guess stranger shit on my shirt than on my That's a good point. But yeah, that's a great one I went to England they have a kick flush and I was like, why don't we always do a kick?

It should always be a kick flush. Yeah, I wish every place had a fucking bidet. I'll take it a step further I love a bidet. Yeah, you're like a gas station rest stop and they have like the fucking thin toilet paper? Yeah. God damn it. I gotta stack it like 10 times. I know, I know. Five neck and shit. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Pull this up, we're talking public restrooms. That fucking restroom where it's like a dark plastic where it has the toilet papers hanging down. It's a two-part, two-paper holder. And you gotta pull it and it keeps tearing. So you gotta get momentum and you gotta pull it, pull it just gently but still firm enough to where you're holding it. I hate that fucking thing because you're in a vulnerable situation.

That guy! That guy! I hate that guy! The other thing is fighting it, right? Yes, yes! Horrible! Exactly! This is the worst!

The worst! Oh hers my god that makes you so angry it just keeps tearing and tearing you get like strip after strip they're wiping your ass with a fucking ransom I'd rather get a swastika tattoo than a tattoo of that. Look at that. Looks like an old tape deck. It does. Yeah come on it's reel to reel. That is maddening right there. It's reel to reel. Roll to roll. This just reminds you of a bad shit. Yes, yes, exactly. You're already vulnerable. Your pants are at your ankles. You're getting blown. Give me a regular paper towel.

Holder. I mean the reason they have this is because people keep peeing on the toilet paper. Is that what it is? It's just people are maniacs. What are you getting? Is that real? Well, why is it encased in steel? Why is that the first thing you think of? Is that your instinct? I think it's steel. Oh god, they got me again. I got pee on this toilet paper. Well, why is it encased in steel? Why is that the first thing you think of? Is that your instinct? Oh god, they got me again. I got pee on this toilet paper. They're stealing the rolls, I think maybe. Oh, okay. I got a couple peeves.

I feel like that's more likely than there being pee on the toilet rolls. Yeah, what's your peeve? I got one and someone asked me to do a favor and then they said, and while I have you, No! I was like, favors the favor yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah stack on you don't get this I'm not like door dash where you're like you have another ten minutes to throw on another thing Like someone's blowing you and you're like could you do the dishes later, too? Yeah, right you're doing the one favor Yes, while I have you that's great. That's like a CEO or something.

I was curious. What was the favor? I don't even want to say it because it's going to out the person. OK. Tell us this. How big was the second flavor and favor? And how was it in comparison to the size of the first one?

Good question. Which one was the bigger favor? They were equal level. That's crazy. It should be lower. It's got to be lower. The second favor has to be much less. I hate the second favor. Yeah, it's a total second It's gotta be lower. Yeah. The second favor has to be much less. I hate the second favor.

Yeah, it's a total second favor, just the same size as the first one. Yeah. That's true, it's two favors. What'd you do? What I did, I'll tell you afterwards. I'm an out the person, so. All right, all right.

Let me, I had one other. I got one. How about this guy? And this is, people have talked about this, so I'm not breaking the, what is it, reinventing the wheel here, but the guy, you know, the airport, you're finally getting boarding, you're boarding the plane, they go, Group 1, Group 2, I'm in Group 2. So I start walking towards, we got a full, clear line forming.

There's 10 people in line in Group 2, and you get the side guys. Oh, the side guys. I hate these side, they swarm in on the side side and now all of a sudden they're third in line And I'm eighth, but I waited line like a good citizen. Yeah now. He's third that is bullshit. What is that? It's entitlement. It's entitlement. I guess so it's entitlement, but no one wants to you know be the Karen and go hey I'll call him out really they try to cut him like nope. I'll box out. Okay. I hate that shit I hate it the side and they come from both sides It's crazy like my ex did that once where she was so mad about it that she she boxed the people out and let others

Go and oh And the person cursed her out, and she goes bye bye Like hit her back with like a fuck you. I was like all right I guess I guess I'm in it with her right now I guess so rules we live in a society. I'm with you, dude Okay, what do you got? What else do I have? What's galifianakis is one a guy went up to and goes you look just like galifianakis no offense That's so good. I remember one of one of the galifianakis jokes I always think I was like my grandfather. I didn't like my last name because it's so complicated.

My grandfather was, it's a beautiful name. It starts with a gal and ends with a kiss. And he says, I wish my name was Zach Galifianakis. Fuck. He had some jokes that were like, I don't know why that's funny, but it's so funny. He did on SNL monologue. He said, this is my impression of a guy from Queens.

What, you got cargo shorts But it's hilarious I I just those last year where he was like he was you know When I was starting stand-up you I saw him on Conan as a stand-up with the piano. Yep I was like that's one of my favorite stand-ups like back You know when he was doing stand-up late 90s and stuff. Oh, yeah, mr. Show guys in that whole scene He was so fucking funny. And last year he was in LA for a while because he doesn't live in LA anymore. But he was going up a lot.

So I was like seeing him go up a whole bunch and he's still just as funny. He's a brilliant guy. I mean, Purple Onion, his presence was amazing. When he had all the dancers come out? The dancers, he pulls the Annie dress off, you know, that whole thing with the chorus. My first thing right before moving to New York, I opened for Zach on the road. I did like a little tour with Zach before Hangover,

but after a movie called Out Cold. Oh yes, the snowboard. Big movie, yeah. Big movie. So he had like comedy, alt comedy nerds, and then also like bro-y people who like that movie. Right, wow. There it is. Yeah, Hangover, I think Todd Phillips fought to get him in.

He's like, this guy's hilarious, and everybody's like, he's a no-name, no one's heard of him, forget it, and he fought for it, and it worked out, obviously. I mean, yeah, you can't even picture someone else in that movie. I know. He's so, I mean, that movie was like, oh wow, a new comedy star has arrived.

Yes, yes. So funny. And then he kind of like, you know, he did that for a little bit then he was like I kind of want to go off and do my own thing. So he did baskets for a few Oh, that was a great show. Not like a big mainstream thing or anything. He just kind of does what he wants to do He's like a true like He has integrity. I think I agree. Yeah, I think he lives in South Carolina or something He used to live in North Carolina Now he lives in Canada somewhere. Whoa

weird Middle of nowhere. Yeah I remember seeing a clip of him on YouTube when I was just starting in New York and he was playing on a piano In some shit bar and he goes why am I not famous? bombing like the piano and Remember relating to that like oh, I don't think I was supposed to be famous, but I just knew that frustration Why am I not connecting? Yes exactly? Yeah, you know it's like that old bill burr thing where he'd be like I would go kill in Cleveland

And I'd come back to New York. I'm getting shit on stepped on I can't get booked. He's like I'm killing an obscurity I love that quote. I think of that quote constantly. Me too. Killing an obscurity Well, you know that that's there's a lot of comics like that. I mean, Jake Johansson, he's not, I think, as big as he should be. Yeah, totally. He does all year, does clubs, he doesn't do theaters, crushes seven shows from Thursday to Sunday.

Clean. Clean, new all the time. I mean, that dude's got like probably 15 different hours at the wall killer. And there's people like that, you know, like comics. You're like, you're so fucking funny and you just don't, people don't know how, you know who was like that for a long time?

Nate Bergetzi. He was like that for a long time. And now he's the biggest comic in the country. Huge. I just did his movie. He's doing a movie. He is? Yeah, he's like the lead of a big comedy.

Wow. And I just went, you know, he's in the Chicago scene. He's from there. Is that right? Yeah, he was with us back then. Oh, I didn't even know that. That is a loaded scene, man. Crazy scene.

Made for get see, yeah. Wow. Guess Matt Ruby's the only one who blew it. No. He's not from Chicago. Well, I think he started there. I didn't know him there. Yeah, he went to Northwestern. Is that there?

Oh, must have been up there. Do you still see him? He's at the Cellar. I saw him last night. You guys do a show together, right? Yeah, yeah. If you ever want to do it, we do three shows in the city together. What night? New York Comedy Club on Monday, Cellar on Tuesday, and the other New York on Wednesday.

Which Cellar? The Lounge, Fat Black. It's a good workout room. Sandler did it last night. Yeah, it was pretty cool. Just saying. Yeah. Oh yeah.

I love this club. How long are you in town for? I leave tomorrow to go see my parents in Jersey, so I'm there for a few days. Nice. And then I go home. I'm just in town for this, corporate. You take breaks.

You're like a healthy sane human being We've been touring the same amount since you left. We haven't taken a break. We're gonna fall down Of a heart attack one day I'm so nervous take a break as I feel like I'll lose it but you can do it. Well two things one, you know, I Took a break and then he put a swastika in his arm. So it's not. Yeah man, I'm a cautionary too. I'm not aspirational. For me it was, I was just touring. I got a little spoiled,

cause shooting is exhausting, but it's not the same as flying, doing a show, flying, doing a show. That is, the only, when I'm touring, the only time I really love is that hour on stage. Or sometimes afterwards, now that I do theaters, I do like early shows, I'll do like 7 p.m., I'll buy 8.30, have dinner with Emily at nine,

somewhere nice, those are the things I like. I was, what I was doing last few months was really tough was I was shooting during the week and then on the weekends I was touring, which is what Bargatze is doing right now. It's too much, couldn't handle it. I said that what helped me from taking the break was, you know, I took my break for like seven years, whatever.

I went out, seeing people that I haven't seen in a long time, and you're like, some people, you're like, oh you you got better But some people I'm like you were funny then you're still funny But you're the same like not doing the same material new bits, but I'm like Nothing's like progress Your point of view hasn't changed your jokes aren't better I was like you stayed the same you know what Chris Rock said about that. He said it's like a basketball player

You need every offseason you come back with like a new move. Mmm. You know what Chris Rock said about that? He said, it's like a basketball player. You need every off season, you need to come back with like a new move. That's so, so true. He's like, what have you added to your bag? It's true. Interesting. It's absolutely true. Yeesh, that's scary.

And so that bummed me out. Yeah. The advantage I had taking a break and then coming back, one, I had to be a reason, I had to have a reason to come back. Like, why am I doing this again? Because honestly, the only thing, those years that I did not miss doing standup,

because I was feeling fulfilled doing other stuff, what I missed was the feeling of being good at it. The feeling of I used to be good at this and I'm not anymore was a horrible feeling. You never saw me bomb. I took a few years off, like you said, drawing swastika. Yeah, yeah.

Horrible feeling. But the advantage I had of coming back after a break was I got to sort of restart and be like, okay, what do I wanna, how do I wanna be on stage? Yeah. I got to have some distance, some objectivity. How do I wanna be on stage? What are the things I wanna talk about?

Not in any kind of heady or serious way, but it's like, what's funny to me now Yeah, how is that different from you know? What was money did you have to like relearn did you have to like listen to old stuff for years like oh? This is my voice is a comic. Oh no the weird if you guys really want to hear for me. It's interesting I don't know if it's true for interest for anybody else So I basically you know I was about to shoot this movie, the actor strike happened, suddenly I was on this runway ready to go do something and then suddenly, so I was very fucking frustrated.

I was like, okay, I'm going to do stand up. And in those seven, eight years that it didn't do stand up, every now and then I'd go up on stage and fuck around like the way I did with, you know, that Largo show. But I was like, each time I do it, it was like, okay, I was like, I have to recreate the conditions of when I was really doing it. So over two weeks, I set up like seven or eight shows. And I was like, I'm gonna do all of these shows, and at the end of that, I'll know,

I'll decide if I wanna do it. Then the last show of that run felt like old time. All right, now it's got its hooks in me. Because you had some momentum, you felt better. I just felt like myself. Yes. For a moment, it was glimpses of how it used to feel. Right. You know that feeling of, and I don't have that feeling

anymore, and I don't think it sounds arrogant because it's a past version of me. I remember having the feeling as a stand up at a certain point being like, I can kill in any room in any situation. I had that confidence for a little bit. Yeah. Some of my time in New York, I can kill in any room in any situation. I had that confidence for a little bit. Some of my time in New York, I had that. The first two weeks I came back,

first two, three, four weeks, I was doing great on stage. I was killing because I think, one, people were excited to see me. They hadn't seen me in a while, but I was also nervous. So I was like, my energy was different. I was very present. As I got more comfortable on stage, I started not doing as well.

After the first few weeks, the next few weeks were not good. I wasn't, like I was doing fine, but I wasn't killing, I wasn't doing well, it was soft. I think it was because, I think it was because my muscle memory was defaulting me back to how I used to be on stage eight years ago.

You know, you walk out, your heart's going, you pick up the mic, the feeling of putting it to the side, all that, and suddenly I was doing standup the way I used to do it back then, and it felt fake to me, and it felt fake to them because I was like, I'm an older guy now, I'm like a different person than I was back then, and I'm pretending to them because I was like, I'm an older guy now, I'm like a different person than I was back then.

And I'm pretending to be like this other person that I'm kind of not anymore. And I think audiences can sniff sincere. When you're in it and you're not in it, they can sniff it, right? Like when it's just the words without the meaning, they laugh less, they know. So I think that's what it was.

And so then I was like, okay, this is weird. So what I have to do is I have to go out on stage and have no obligation to do well. I have to lean back and just see what happens, see how it comes out. And then once I decided that, that I'm not gonna kill, I'm just gonna go out, lean back, and see how naturally I am on stage.

That's when then I finally think that's when I started slowly making progress again. The other thing that was hard was learning to write stand-up again. Because, you know, I'd been writing scripts and those are two very different things. Like writing a script actually, I think, makes you worse at writing stand-up.

Because with the stand-up, you know, you do a set up, ideally you do one set up, you got five, you got a punch line, you got four tags. Funny, funny, funny, funny, funny, funny. In a movie or TV show you can't do that. You have to like reset and reset the stakes. So like something like the big sick, you know, you have a laugh, then you gotta have something

that grounds it again. Then you gotta have a laugh, then you gotta have something that grounds it again. Then you gotta have a laugh, then you gotta have something that grounds it again so that you can ride that wave. Just like, whoa. Whereas, so you having like, in a movie like The Big Sick, having a funny sequence that's like six or seven big laughs in a row can actually hurt your movie,

can hurt the tone of the movie. Wow. Whereas in stand up, that is the fucking goal. Be as funny as you can possibly be. So my instinct was always like, I'll have a punch line, then I'll have some more stuff to say, then I'll have a punch line.

And I was like, oh, that's exactly wrong for stand up. The goal for stand up is to have like, five funny things to say in a row. Yeah, wow. But now you feel back. I feel back, yeah, yeah. And it took me like, honestly, it took me like two or three months

and I was going up all the time and I was doing well, but when I wrote the first. Was it painful? No, I was really liking it. It was painful for those three or four weeks where I wasn't doing it. Right, right. Because then after that, suddenly I understood

what the goal was and what I was reaching for. Because it's not like riding a bike, because you're saying like, I mean you're literally having to reinvent yourself. You have the tools, like you've done this a I mean, you're literally having to reinvent yourself. You have the tools, like you've done this on time, but you do have to reinvent yourself. And you relearn the lessons that you learned, that I learned over 10 years. I relearned them, but over the course of two months, where you remember, oh, right, yeah, that thing that I learned. Yes.

All right, that thing, like just little ways, like you were saying, the riffing up top, like little things like that, that you remember, like, like oh right, I knew this and had forgotten it. I do feel like I'm back. I was really loving doing it, but I really felt when I had my first new bit that I wrote that's like a six or seven minute long bit, that I was like, oh, this bit kills, this bit I would say would hold up against the best stuff that I've ever done.

Right. For me. And that's when I was like, okay, now I know I'm capable of it. I know I can write a bit as funny as that as I used to. And that then helped me. Yes. Wow. It's almost like the Roger Bannister. He did the four minute mile. Then everybody did it. But you needed the first guy to do it single Oh, I could do it. Yeah, it's possible like the 900 Tony Hawk to the nine now like 12 year olds are doing You know you need the first guy to do it. That's so interesting. Yeah Yeah, I did the first guy who dunked in basketball. I know we're like. I didn't know you'd do that

Haha, we just touched the rim the damn Negro League Well, you see those old clips of Will Chamberlainain and he's just he's just so much bigger than everyone Yeah, like holy shit. I know this is like a god. I mean look at this guy Will distilt he was incredible I mean some of the shit he was doing back then but then you look at these guys now like you know when you see like Wembe or whatever were like guys that tall they can move like that that's new that's I know it was never like that it's crazy yeah it just keeps getting better his talent is crazy that guy and he's also like an interesting guy he was like a monastery he's like a really like sophisticated he's reading

he's like he's not like all these other yeah Yannis is awesome too like he's also like he moves like that and he's so tall. Yeah. Janis Papas. Janis Papas. Yeah. I love Janis. Janis is great, man.

Yeah. So what do you got cooking? We'll get you out of here, but you can see in Zarzaz too. Yeah. I should make Zarzaz too. Are you on the road? Yeah, I got some dates coming up.

I'll tell you where to go. You go to Linktree slash Kamel, Nanjiani. Yeah, you just, you got it. You can spell it out. It's pretty phonetic. I think it's, there you go. There we go. First one right there.

Yeah. Oh mama. So see, I got a bunch of dates. I got, I don't know if this will be, Ben Salem, Newark, Brooklyn. Okay great, so Edmonton, Milwaukee, Ann Arbor, Grand Rapids, London, I'm going to London, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island,

Boston, Cincinnati, Nashville, Vegas, Orlando, Tampa, Fort Lauderdale. Not as many as you guys, but that's a real tour. That's a great tour. And the Wilbur, Tampa Theater, these are great. I'm thinking of maybe doing my next special there. I kind of like it. Yeah.

It's gorgeous theater. I thought the same thing. I'll tell you where, you know, I got to do this tour that I started in August, and then I'm taking a little break. I realized my favorite venues are those sort of theaters that are like 100, 110, 120 years old. My favorites are, there was one in North Carolina,

in Durham, the Carolina. That's a great one. Oh, I've done that one. Carolina Theater. Yes, yes. I would record a special there. And the venue that I did in Atlanta Theater, I would record a special there,

I don't remember the name of it. Maybe Buckhead Theater or the Symphony Hall. The Moore is in Seattle. Moore is great. The Moore in Seattle is a lead. I would do it there. Burgess did his last one there, it's beautiful. I would do it there.

But I did mine at the Vic in Chicago. I did mine there too. Classic. Great room. I did it because when I opened for Zach Galifianakis there in 2006, I remember being like some day I'll headline. Wow. That's the first time I was like,

I got to do my special there. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Chicago, that's where I started stand up. That's where I met Emily. I was like, got to go back and do it there. That's beautiful.

Great city. Great city, except for six months out of the year. Yeah. It is really brutal. It's brutal. Red Bank, New Jersey, the Count Basie Theater in July. Then I'm at the Wilbur in Boston in August. Then we got Irvine Improv, I'm due a weekend there in August.

Oklahoma City, Brick Town Comedy, that's a great one. The Venetian in Vegas, September 19th. Rochester, New York, trying to tighten some stuff in clubs. Chicago Theater October 4th. Ooh, that's good. Chicago Theater's real nice. That's a special one. As good as it gets.

Winnipeg, Salt Lake City, and then we got Carnegie Hall in New York City. Carnegie Hall! Let's go. See you guys have that. How big is the Carnegie Hall? I think it's like 36 or something. I don't... Yeah, 35, 36. Oh, awesome. I'm pumped. Very exciting. How big is the Carnegie Hall? I think it's like 36 or something.

Yeah, 35, 36. Awesome. I'm pumped. Very exciting. That's a special room, great room, and a local boy makes good. Go to our sites, punchup.live slash Samaral, punchup.live slash Mark Norman.

Mark, where you going to be? Hey, I'm at the Melody Tent in Cape Cod. Then I'm at the Connecticut, what is it, Foxwoods and Parks Casino. Oh yeah, that's where I am too. I hear that's great. Then we're off to New Zealand, Melbourne, Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, then back in the Hamptons, Calgary, Vegas, Dallas, and Akron, Ohio.

That's the beauty of standup. You know, you go to Sydney, Australia, then you're like, now we're going to Akron, Ohio, that's the beauty of stand up. You know, you go to Sydney, Australia, then you're like, now we're going to Akron. And Dayton, Halifax. Great flight. People are like, how do you stay grounded? Well. Yeah, Ohio is how we do it.

Yeah, Ohio. And yeah, come on out, go check us out, get some Bodega Cat. Bodegacatwhiskey.com, DM us the Instagram account, us the Instagram account bodega cat whiskey if you want us in your bar, or you're in yes, you know Matt at the stream lab dot com is that it something like that Matt Herman I thought my goog yeah, just go to the end just Instagram message the bodega cat whiskey. He'll message you I met Gallagher in Ohio Oh, there you go. That'll keep you grounded Yeah time comes for us all. Yeah, go see Kumail on the road. Thanks for coming in. We might be drunk. We did it. Comedy. I've had a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope

And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be true