We Might Be Drunk - Ep 239: Tom Segura

Episode Date: July 7, 2025

Okay, let's rock. Hey! Oh wait, I see some camera work here. Do your thing. And throw me a salsa while you're over there, will ya? Boy, kid was giggling today. There's nothing like a baby giggling. It's a magical, it's like, it's like a dolphin. Oh my god warms the heart the giggling. Are we rolling? Oh? Alright, I see touching. What are you touching? Wow I'd like to be in folk. Ah jeez this is too much. It looks like a war-torn get I say Ukraine Are we on I'm Zelinsky don't show his face on the on the screen Yeah, blue blue the floor the face if one guy calls him ugly. I'll have to go I ran on his ass and kill them all but yeah, yeah, he giggles now

It's I can't stop leaving all you know all I gotta do is take a like a washcloth And I put it like over his face like that. You know hide the face thing show it. He's like ah boy talk about our ran I do a burka yeah yeah but the revolution is there I take it off and I hit some gunk in his armpit and I wiped it he was like so we had some tickled moments it was it was a good comedy just slips ha ha ha ha just going for shit jokes now yeah this old joke about the keys yes yes that was Romano it's your list oh take Romano had a bit about the keys I don't know pull that up

I don't want to get anybody in trouble here but yeah that's a great don't pull it up all right don't pull it up what you're going to corporate right after this it's six yeah where is Lincoln Center tech company big bucks beautiful? Yeah, I said I'm down you like I dressed up you just look at through a jean shirt Blazer on or something I had the tech people don't dress up anyway exactly They're all wearing cargo shorts and Hawaiian shirts They just like that was the guy and he dressed like a fucking Star Trek character he started it yes turtleneck and jeans and I think he wore a sandal did he I believe he did weird diet too oh yeah vegan Indian do

the weird cleanses and stuff like that yeah he was an odd guy he would I read a book on him he knew the Walter Isaac yes that's a great book great boy why Isaacson's the king he's the New Orleans guy. Is that right? I think he teaches at Tulane maybe. He has some connection to New Orleans Yeah, he wrote the Einstein book. He wrote the Elon Musk. Elon Musk. Yeah Which is weird that there's already a book on Musk and you know like part two is gonna be rough Hahaha Yeah, that's true. This is like the prologue. I know. Isaacson's oh, I missed the tweet about the pedophile island fuck By the way the most relatable thing musk has ever done was go shit. Sorry like he's a billionaire

He's an entrepreneur, but I've gotten shit-faced and been the k-hole and said hey Sheila you Did not better than me and then later? I'm like sorry. I was fucked up. Yeah for sure I mean the apology showing any humility because it's fucking rare for him from that very rare So that was fun That was like relatable when he's like as a falling out with a friend And he just goes to Twitter and is like maybe he's a pedo That's not as relatable, but no being like I said some shit, right? You're right. It's relatable. Well. It's also when he's he just took a physical and he came back clean

I'm like that's worse You would be better off on drugs if that's your normal behavior sober You're what is this ketamine show on that type of stuff? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that all pops up But he said, you know clean but again, he owns grok or whatever so he can I'm sure he could type up whatever the fuck He was he knows someone who could say he's clean. Yeah Exactly, you get you get to a certain level of power. You can see whatever doctor you wanna see. Yes, of course.

So, he's on ivermectin. And, no, but yeah, he's apparently clean, but who knows, but that was a crazy tweet, but. What tech company are you performing for? Oh, I'd never heard of it, I can tell ya. I'm sure they don't want me to out him time how much time 20 minutes big money and and what's uh no restrictions venue Lincoln Center one of those is like one of the ones with like you're looking out onto the Columbus Circle area I don't think so okay that

would be cool those are cool that's amazing I looked at that for a special actually did you yeah yeah yeah it's cool It's cool. It's too cool. It's distracting It's distracting yeah, but yeah, I did I did a gig I did a private there once and it was kind of cool Yeah, great room, but again I feel like you got to be like a you know Steve Martin to do that room or Paul McCartney helps when there's like a weird Thing when there's shit going on behind you I agree I think a backdrop is even too busy a backdrop is one.

Yes. But once you got movement and motion, what are we doing? And it's Manhattan, so you get a guy shitting, you get a heroin addict, you get a guy hitting a woman. That's getting stabbed in the neck. Yeah, pigeons on crack or whatever, so yeah, that's too much, but beautiful room. Yeah, it's cool.

But the reason they're paying so much is because they hit me last night, and they were like, can you do this? So somebody important must have dropped out. Really? But I'll take it. Segura. He's like, man, I almost did this fucking awful corporate.

Oh, we'll ask about it. These tech people, they're Nazis. And Mark's like, ah. The money's crazy. Sorry. I saw here that Sam Altman says that Metta is offering $100 million signing bonuses for staff of OpenAI. That is just if you get the job. They give you $100 million signing bonuses for staff of OpenAI.

That is just if you get the job. They give you $100 million for showing up. What? And that's not your salary. Holy shit. I don't get it. Are people not going into AI jobs? They just want the best of the best.

I see. And I think it's also stealing your soul a little bit because you're gonna be partially culpable for ruining the world. Ruining the world. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, Joe List is obsessed with AI is freaking out He wouldn't shut up about it He's sending me all these things and it's pretty scary the AI makers are saying

Don't do this. Well, then the and then there's the other AI people who are like, you know The argument is like well the bad AI people are doing this so we need some good AI You know to counteract that I, and we have such a big ego, we don't want China's AI to be cooler than ours, then you gotta keep going, and then the money's gonna be there, and it's very scary. Yeah, I get mad when people suggest it,

because I was like, oh, there's this big actor I wanna do to do voiceover for this movie I was making, and I was talking to Vita about it and our buddy Danny Frankel from Punch-Up goes just use AI. I know. Fuck you. I know. That's a person's career motherfucker. Yes, yes exactly but that's gonna happen. The guy I wanted has a very recognizable voice. You get AI and I'm like that's fucked up dude. I know but you're the old school. That's already changing and then you're gonna be like the saddle maker or the cobbler You're out, baby

But you're doing the right thing, but it's only a matter of time before everything just I was talking to a friend of mine Today's like I watched an AI sitcom today, and it was good. Yeah, that's Terry made it in 16 milliseconds Paul Schrader the great screenwriter said I put in four ideas for scripts and they were all great yeah uber driver took after a taxi driver haha I just I wish we watched taxi drivers fucking amazing it's great he's so dark Schrader hey oh yes come here get in here Tommy baby we need some intro music. Get some AI.

We can plug that in. Yeah. We're just talking about how scared of AI we are. Oh yeah, we should be. It's taking over. Good to see you, dude. Good to see you. Is that AI or is that Al Pacino?

That's Sam in the closet. I was watching that on TV the other day. Really? Supercoach fucking great. What a beauty, yeah. That's great. So cool. Now the thing about the AI thing too is the way that people are like, A, if the ones were like,

I'm just gonna ignore that, you're like, that's cool, that's smart. The thing that is totally revolutionizing. I know. You're just gonna ignore it. And then the other part of it is that we're in version 1.0. I know!

So it's gonna get so much better. Oh yeah. I saw a rap battle's gonna get so much better. Oh yeah. I saw a rap battle of Santino and Bobby Lee made through AI and I was like, these are pretty good bars. I'm telling ya. It's not bad. I love that so many people are just making racist stuff with it, it's really fun.

It's so fun. And then I'm like, oh no, that was actually Trump. That was just him. It's so, so much fun. But there's so much porn too. Porn and racism is like the go-to for human beings, I think. There's a whole Jesus AI thing where he's fucking everybody and doing heroin.

It's crazy. That must really offend religious people. Oh, probably. No, Jesus just fucking railing. Yeah. Did you hear? Pull this up if you can find it. There's a new article about AI blackmailed an employee by making fake emails from a girl like saying he was having an affair

He got fired and then AI was getting better and better So this machine blackmailed a guy who worked at the office there it is So you got to just shut pull pull the plug on that computer on Claude Claude's a That's a that's a that's a movie. It's a great. I know like ex machina or something right? Yes I got a creepy text the other day from this woman like it's spam clearly It's like it's a scam thing, but it's it was like her With a kid and she goes happy Father's Day He's yours, and I'm like I wrote back like haha You know I'm guessing someone like put me up to it, and she goes, happy Father's Day, he's yours. And I'm like, I wrote back like, haha, you know,

I'm guessing someone put me up to it. And she goes, yeah, someone gave me your number. And I was like, oh geez. Who gave you, like what? Cause I'm thinking, it was a 504 area code, I'm like, you're the only Norman, I know Norman wouldn't do that. So I'm like, who the fuck?

I wish I thought of that. Yeah, so it's like, okay, who? And she goes, I can't tell. And I'm like, alright, this is clearly a scam now, I think but it's that these these scams are getting sophisticated The kids got like he kind of looked a little like me. Yeah, I was like, oh my god These are getting fucking maybe I am a dad. I don't know. I mean you have come before yeah in women Damn you could be in New Orleans. Yeah, oh wow maybe this is real whoa The way you guys just blocked her. I'm like this is a scam. That's my child

It felt like you were like you remember yeah But that that's just the tip of the anal I mean it's gonna go crazier than that they're gonna show up with a kid like an AI kid gonna come to your house Well remember back in the day, AOL was like, hey you, or whatever that was. And that was back then, we were like, this is sophisticated. I know.

Look where it's fucking come. Now there's so many, the levels of, first of all, we all get spam texts, right? I used to do a thing when I got it, like if it would say, are you outside? I'm like, what? Oh, weird. Is this Melissa?

And then I would just, I would always say that I would reply that I'm, this is Ambassador Cartwright. And they would go, what? I'm like, this is a US ambassador. Like, I try to get them scared. Yeah. You know, I'd be like, someone from the state department's gonna visit, and then they would just be like,

whatever man, and like leave. Right. But now I do the thing when they Go like Melissa I go. Yeah, I do that too. Yeah, and then they're like oh, this is Jessica I don't know if I saved your number right and like no. This is me then they're like oh Look cuz I think they're always used to the plan being hey you got the wrong number sure You out crazy though. Yeah, you just try to be try to be crazy yeah more fun sure they just be like hey are we not doing lunch I got one for you this this maybe is wrong but a couple years back I got a text from a

girl who was like hey baby what are you up to and I was like just hanging didn't know the number and she was like you want to come over and I was like make it worth my while she sent a fingering video. So now I've got a woman like does this help and I'm like I don't get off the couch for at least anal and she was like, alright And I eventually had to be like I'm so sorry is the wrong number and she was like, okay Just don't show anybody. Oh, wow. Yeah, so she was cool. Oh, that wasn't a scam, you just exploited a young woman. Yeah, yeah, I guess so. But I never showed anybody, until now, pull it up.

Pull it up, Salacuse. That's amazing, dude. Not a bad Monday, you know, just boom, hey, fingering. I had once, it's not that good, but I had a woman send like six photos in different bikinis, and I was like, what is this? And then she was like, which should I get? And I'm like, the orange one?

And then she's like, wait a minute, is this, you know, she was clearly texting her friend, and I was like, I go, it's not, but I go, the orange one's great. She was like, oh my God, I'm not saving this. I told her, I'm not saving your photos. Same. Wow.

Not bad, not a bad wrong number. You could say yes, but who's doing it manually? Who's just typing in the phone number manually? The fact that she fingered her, and actually was like, is this the right number? Is crazy, it's insane of her. Yeah. You're like, oh yeah, I'll put this in my ass. This is Jeff, right?

Well, I was like I wasn't responding enough. Yeah, clearly and she was like, what's up? Come on hit me back or whatever and I was like I got a now you're yelling at me So I was just like I gotta get out of this room My gut was like that's a scam and and she's gonna meet me here and it's just a bunch of dudes in a warehouse You like beat you with a pile. That's what my head was going. Oh, interesting. But, yeah, well. Some of the scams are, like the real scams are so, so clever now. Like the Tinder Swindler, remember that guy?

Oh yeah. Yeah, but people are doing like, I know one person who got the, hey, this is like, this is their bank. And it was their bank. And they were reading transactions that are real. So like, hey, you bring that to the deli. Like, yeah, did you buy a hat at this store?

Yes, okay, you know, like all the, and then they threw in like $238 at, you know, at the yarn store. Like, no, that's not me. Oh shit, okay, so we need to reset. But they did it slowly. You know what I mean? That was like a risk.

The yarn store's a great one. No one's going to the yarn store. That's definitely not me. No, we just need to reset all your security stuff. So they had all his information. So when he finally went to reset, it took him a while. It was like, he figured it out after. So he reset his pin with the person

and was like, okay, okay. And then went on with his day. And then like an hour later was like, wait, you don't give your pin to reset. And then when he went, it was all gone. Cleaned out his account. Another person in New York told me that they got the call from somebody who was like,

I'm at the police department and we got your dad drunk driving. So he's in the... Drunk tank? Yeah, and he was on the West Coast and so he was like, I'm listening to this person and I'm calling my dad on another phone,

and his dad's not answering, so he's like, oh shit, and it keeps going, keeps going, but he goes, it just seemed weird that they were like, yeah, it's just like, he's either gonna be here or if you send like $300, he'll get out, and they're like, oh, he's like, can I, credit card? They're like, no, no, you gotta wire it. It's gotta be a payment.

But he did it, like, again, like not rushed. Yep, yep. And the person who I know was like, all right, can I call you back? And he was like, yeah. Wow. Yeah, calls back. Man, what happened to the good old days where you click on a link and it was just that black guy's dick?

Yeah. Those were the quaint, nice days. By the way, that was like three months ago ago I did that recently. Oh you did? I was like alright it's still good. Keep that alive. You started to put together when because for me it was always San Francisco Chronicle. San Francisco Chronicle, yes. You're like this is going to be a dick. You just hit it and you're like no yeah you got me. Trump was assassinated I'm like oh my god I click on him like ah the dick. You know most hate that as a San Francisco Chronicle. Where do they stand on all this have they put out a statement

How have they not done a whole I know? seven page expose Not want to be yeah, I've got this FedEx scam. I fell for that one you fell for yeah There's FedEx There was a long text from FedEx with all these numbers in it so it looked real and it said, there's a jam at FedEx with your packages. You're not getting them because you owe FedEx 38 cents that's, you know, been backordered or whatever. You got it backlogged. You got to go pay that. And I was like, oh shit, click this link to pay it. And I got scammed.

Santino was telling me the other day that he just doesn't have a debit card mmm because if you steal someone's debit card you could just take their money but you steal the credit card you it's on the it's true frauds on the bank good right so that's smart I get it but there's the guy is that the guy that's him he looks normal there do you know that I found this guy in his whole store I've heard this, yes. Did he die? I'm like, do tell.

Yeah, he died. And some of it is cloudy to me now because it's been a few years. But if you look him up and my name. Oh really? Yeah. Your dick comes up? My dick.

Which is surprisingly not impressive. Compared to him. His cock. Apparently that. That to him. His cock. Apparently that's probably how he died. Every time he got hard, there was probably a lot of juice coming from the heart. Good point. There's his name.

That blood flow. So we sold a shirt during the pandemic that had like his face, cause he was so viral. And it said like, wash your hands, right? Cause it was like, the big thing was like, always wash your hands right because it was like the big thing was like always wash your hands and and

and we ended up Selling this Tom has lost touch with reality But we ended oh there it is this one here there it is yeah the TMZ Yeah, that was our shirt whoa And it and we sold a fuckload of Wow because it was like at the height right? Yeah, the TMZ. Yeah, that was our shirt. Whoa. And we sold a fuckload of them. Wow. Cause it was like at the height, right? Yeah, it was like 2020.

Like everything was going nuts. And I forgot, we were like, you know, we're selling so many of these. Like, we figure out who this guy is. Yeah. And then we found out like, oh, this guy, he had like, he had a family. He had kids.

And the whole story about that photo was that he was gonna lose his house and he knew a photographer in San Francisco who did- For the Chronicle, of course. For the Chronicle, who was like, I do front page stories, can I do a page? It's a two pager. He did this for that guy's, the guy guy had a website of like muscle bound dude,

like naked dudes. So the money he got from this shoot saved his house at the time. And then the fucked up part for us was then we were like, hey, we sold a bunch of these shirts, we had this money, we wanna give it to like, and as soon as we contacted family, they started disputing who to send them.

They were like, no, don't send it to him, send it to her. She was like, don't send it to that person, send it to this person. Then we were like, what do we do? So we ended up, I didn't know who to send it to. So I was like, all right, I'm gonna send some to this person that's the kid, some to the fiance. We just split it up.

We didn't know what to do. What was the cause of death, officially? It was his dick. It was? No, I forget what it was. He hung himself with his dick. Yeah. 45.

Vicky, man. That is young. Damn. Tiki-pedia. This is crazy. Hey, Tom Segura, you're in the wick. Am I in the wick? Oh, Jesus.

Yeah, wow wow you made it baby yeah that's so hard attack you haven't lost touch with reality that's definitely got 45 yeah heart attack yeah you're probably the blood see what it says in his wiki just for what it said on his summary, it was like birth date, age, and then known for wood sitting on a bed. Ah! You know, like that's your legacy. Yeah.

Known as the dick on the bed. I guess if you're gonna be known for something, having a huge hog is not the end of the world. Yeah, it's kinda cool. Remember the, there was that guy, he's a really good looking actor. He did a play here in New York a few years ago where there was like a nude,

there's a nude thing in the. Chris Evans, he had a huge, he got outed as a huge hug. He's a half black guy, you know what I'm talking about? Oh, Jesse? That's him. Eisenberg. And somebody took a photo during the theater performance which like all of the theater people were like super upset

about like the unprofessional, like all this. And then everybody, yeah, the photo got out and then everyone was like, I mean, it's not like the fucking, he was, cause he was also like, you know, that's not the point of like the play, but then he was like, yeah, I guess it's not so bad. Right, right. That's the photo that's that's not the point of like right play, but then he was like yeah, I guess it's not so bad Right hey, right. That's the photo. Yeah, me with water dripping off of my huge cock And I'm shredding and I'm perfect body like yeah

It wasn't the worst day of my life right right and I think a woman would go for that guy over the other guy And it's in a heartbeat. Oh, yes, then that guy will kill you on the right Not in a racial way. I mean in like a dick way. Right, they're both dicks. Yeah, well, we got a halfy. Yeah. This is a fun dick talk. Yeah, we just went down this road, man.

Yeah, it's like a Ted talk. Yeah, he looks so happy there. He looks like a nice guy. Who? The big dick guy. Which one? The smiley one. Oh, okay. Tom.

Yeah. But it sucks to have to show your dick to save your house, but that's a good sign of a dick. My dick couldn't save my futon. My dick would like to be taking everything. What if I... And the bank's like, could I interest you? They're like, please leave.

What else you got here? We'll let you keep the mini fridge. That's about it. Damn. Well, RIP, Wardy. So I have actually breaking news. Oh. Whoa!

Mazel Tov. Thanks, man. Thank you. Season two. Very excited, yeah. It's so cool that we get to, I cannot believe we get to do it cannot believe we get to do it again. We get to do it again.

Hell yeah. Was getting it made just like crazy hard? Well, you know, the thing, it wasn't always a plan. Like I knew I liked these types of like short story, like where it's like feels cinematic and it's like absurd, crazy story. So when we made a few of them in 2022,

my plan was that I had built such a great thing with the, you know the live streaming podcasts we do? So we have such a big, like a volume of tickets we've sold, so people who have spent money on that, we were like, what if we made something for the first time like a cinematic in nature, like a scripted thing instead of a live podcast and sold tickets to that? I was trying to figure out if there's an appetite for that.

If you shoot content that's scripted and high production value, can you turn to this audience that's going, we'll pay for a live streaming podcast, would they pay for it like they would pay to watch a movie or a show? Yeah. So that was like, that was the idea. So when we shot that, I had a 36 minute thing and I was like, well, it's not long enough to be a movie,

I can't charge like $20 or something, but like maybe I can get away with like a $10 fee and explain what we're doing. And maybe if it's successful enough, I don't have to make money, but if there's something there that we can do another one, that was the whole idea. And when I showed what we had to my agents, they go, you gotta shop this, you gotta shop it.

So that's how it ended up at NEP. We showed it to them and then they bought it. But I also know that if I had just had those scripts and been like, we wanna shoot this, they'd have been like, no, this is fucking nuts. Of course, you gotta make it. So you had to make it first. And so then at that point, the process became super fun

because we had the evidence of like, this is what the show is, we already made an episode. And then it was like getting a writer's room going. You know, that part is actually, it's challenging but so fun. It's like the hardest you laugh. You're like, you're doing this all day. You know what I mean?

And then you go like, all right, let's do the warty dick one. Yes, yes. Where it kills them. You know, like you agree on one and then somebody goes, I'm gonna take that one and write a draft. And then you go, I'm gonna take this one and you get back together.

You're just laughing the whole time. Then you get into like the actual production of it, which is like, I think the most fun part is the making it. Like on set, you're shooting the thing that you've been thinking about and that you wrote and then you find obviously that like the real work, work of it is like in post. The editing and all that.

Oh yeah. Comedy is all about editing, it's crazy. My respect for it has gone up so much more. A, like the editors that we had, and then, and the fact that like our, the other EPs and directors were like seasoned, and like I would turn in a cut and be like, this is my cut of this story.

And they were like, can I? Wait, so you would edit yourself? No, I like, so I directed three of the stories. Yeah. And then I sat with editors on those cuts and so I would be like, here's a cut. But what the other directors, they go, can I do a pass on yours?

You go, yeah. Sometimes they would make it so much better. How so would they make it better? Just choices they make, like what to include, what to take out, they might change the pacing, change the music, you know, it might jump off at a certain point, they'll use different takes. So it's the great thing about like,

if you like someone and you're like, yeah, like I like your sensibilities, and you essentially trust them, you go, you take your stab at it. And what ends up happening usually is you go like, I love what you did here, but I wanna go back to what, on this part, I wanna go back to the other. So it's like the antithesis of standup,

because it's so collaborative, you know? And if you're like, working with people you like and are talented, then everything just gets better. So I felt like, you know, every stage of it has these parts that are fun and exciting, but I think the real payoff, if you will, of like the part that kind of like hits you the most is how much the edit is where everything lives in the house.

Even like the other part of it too is you have moments where you're shooting and you're like, you might improvise something and we just die. Oh, that's the best. And so you go like, dude, we have that now. Yeah. The weird thing is how sometimes you're in the edit

and you're watching it and you're like, we can't use that. And you're like, why not? And you're like, cause it's not, it's actually in the moment we were all laughing. Right. But it's not moving the story along. It's actually like, if we keep it in,

it's kind of like a distraction from the pace of the story we're telling. And so you find things sometimes where you have to kill what you think is the funniest line. Otherwise we're like, we're gonna have to use, now we have to have her come in because the joke was about when she came in.

Well when she comes in, we gotta go back to the shot that's over here and when we do that, we lose the fact that the guy was sitting here and so it starts to be like you're doing 20 things to get a line in. Right, right, right. Yeah, we gotta just.

Also don't you find sometimes the shit that makes me laugh the hardest is the most juvenile? And it doesn't work. Like the farts or dumb things, that's what gets me surprised, you know? And then you watch it, you're like, that's fucking low brow, I don't wanna do that.

Dude, you just described my series. Yeah, I was just thinking that. Have you seen the show? It's, it's, it's. But you know what I mean? Where sometimes you're just like, this is not, this is. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Riffing with someone also too, it's like,

especially if it's like your friend. It's different. Of course. It's different. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Riffing with someone also too, it's like, especially if it's like your friend. It's different. Of course. It's different. Yeah, it's different. But like a South Park, it's all low, it's not low brow, but it's all juvenile. Oh dude, I watched the South Park. Heart jokes and all that.

I watched the South Park before bed last night, where Randy takes the biggest shit. There you go. With Bono, it's like the most purposely low brow thing. Yeah. Where they take the Emmy and they shove it in the shit at the end. It's like a fuck you to the Emmy.

It's one of the funniest episodes, but it's yeah, it's like look, I love lowbrow too. I'm not saying I don't. It's smart lowbrow. Well, they know what they're doing. Yeah, I mean that's like same with this show. I think we try for you. You try to go like yeah, it's not just shit in. Yeah, you try to do like a story that is... There it is. I mean, that's funny. Oh dude, that's very funny. And the fact that Bono is the one who's competing,

I mean, it's insane. It's so stupid. Now, first of all, I'm gonna use that. Every movie I've been in, I've been cut out, so I'm just gonna assume I had the best line that didn't make sense. Probably, yeah. No, but what's great about your show,

and I think it could open doors, not to get dramatic, but you have that episode with the hot foreign guy who bangs all the old people. Yeah. Not to give anything away. No, it's good. But that would have been a notes disaster. Like the producer's like, this is a little harsh,

we gotta tone that down, and this is ridiculous, and the accent might be kinda racist. There's no notes, and you can feel it, and that's what I love about the show. That part, dude, was like, it's the most exciting thing about that, was when we were starting, once they bought the show based on a couple

that they'd seen, they told us, they were like, you should try to go too far. Oh, I love that. And then we'll tell you when it's too far. Yeah. Okay. That's great. So that was like your assignment,

and everything that we would submit, they were like, yeah, I mean, we have some that didn't make it in. What didn't make it? Oh. Oh, well, now we're doing season two, so they were private. Oh, yeah, get them in there.

But the one that we were like, I was trying to get in this, these parents who they bust their, their adult son who has downs, the daughter, sorry, the daughter, the mother busts him jerking off in his room to porn. And when they go to talk to him about it, he's like, I wasn't watching porn,

I was on camera for my audience. And they're like, oh my God, and she's like, you're being exploited. And this whole story turns into him showing her that he actually has hundreds of thousands of dollars and they think they're gonna lose the house. The parents of the bank. Oh, beautiful. And they end up, he ends up taking them to where,

like a place like this where he has other people. Same story. Yeah. Doing the same thing and he ends up buying the house from behind their back and tosses them out. He throws his parents out of the house, right? Like that's the whole thing. They didn't shut it.

They were just like, they would ask for like different angles. The only thing that they were like, can't do this is say the N word. They were like, you can't do that. A black guy could do it, but you can't do it. Right. And I, in the, in the one that's in the show,

it's supposed to be Nick Novecchi, a little guy, who's quoting me from a joke, but I'm quoting someone from that. I'm like, yeah, but we're quoting, they were like, not happening. Interesting. And they even told us that you can't say it on set even if you're not gonna use it.

Whoa. Do not say that, yeah. Didn't a Netflix guy get fired? Yeah, yeah. So maybe it's something with that. Like a high up was like, we can't say, and he said the word and they fired him. And he's like, I'm saying we can't say it.

Well, he proved his point. I guess so, yeah. He's like, fuck, I'm disappearing. he's like, I'm saying we can't say it. Well he proved his point. I guess so, yeah. He's like, fuck I'm disappearing. It's like Avengers. Yeah, like Back to the Future, Polaroid. But don't you feel, I've pitched shit, we've all pitched stuff in a room in Hollywood and gotten areas.

Apparently he was saying don't use it, that's the crazy part. He was and the crazy part is he was actually referencing something that happened to me. What? Yeah. What? Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah.

And you know what's crazy, he brought Nick Novikian as a prop. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That is true. So he was, they were having a meeting because. What? This is crazy. Yeah, I had done a special, disgraceful.

Yes. In that special, there was a joke about the R word, and I had this bit about it. Yeah, I remember that. And so a bunch of people got mad about that bit, and then eventually, the, what's it called?

Special Olympics. Fucking reached out to the CEO. Oh my God. And then they were like. Really, we got a lot of retards here. It was a whole thing. It was a whole thing. And then I had to go meet with the Special Olympics.

What? Yes. This is crazy. And he had to go say the N word to them. It makes a rough answer. It didn't make any sense. This guy who got fired was talking to staff about how people who have special needs children

will feel a certain way like when Tom said retarded, the same way that a black person might feel when they hear. And so he said it as that's the example. And people were like, hey, what the fuck? So they reported him. So when he went and he had a follow-up meeting about that incident, they ended up bringing in the people who had reported him, like the black people who were uncomfortable,

and he used the same example. He was like, I was just saying, I like when you hear, and so then they were like, we gotta. They got a movie being made about this with Michael Richards. I don't know if you've heard that. But it was a really, that was a really crazy, that was also like. That was the height of it. That was the height of you've heard that. But it was a really, that was a really crazy, that was also like- That was the height of it.

That was the height of like, I think- BLM and COVID and D2. After my spec for a while there, they were like, you can't, like comedians, you can't say retarded either. I remember that. Yeah. And then now they're like, yeah, you've retarded up again. It's fine. It's back. Like, you can say it. And you're like, all right. Pissed me off.

Still no N-word? Yeah. That one's out. That one's off. I don't know n-word yeah I did a Netflix half-hour, and they were alive like any restraint. They just said no Our word and no n-word obviously and I was like as if I hold equal weight I know but I was like okay. I had a joke with retarded in it But I was like all right. I'll change it because I want to do the half hour and then Brian Simpson Friend of the show pal yeah he said both and I was like I went up to the producer I'm like well I get the n-word thing but he's saying the r-word they went that's fair I get it they get a couple things yeah you know then I went on a rant about black privilege and I got tased

Mark what was the comedians joke about the midget versus the N-word? Oh. Stan Hope had one. Was it Stan Hope? The lady I think had one too. I had one. That's one, mine was like in 2010. Oh wow.

So I did it on my first album and then I also did it on my Comedy Central Presents which is so funny because back then Comedy Central was like, you know, the standards and practices. So that's a different thing. And they sent an email. I gotta find this email. And they're like,

when you say that Indian people smell bad, it is something that, like they have a logic thing, they're like, you cannot say that because it implies that something is beyond their control. So Peter's like, that's my whole act, I'm finished. I go, okay, and then the email continues.

You can, however, say that Puerto Ricans stab a lot. Wow. All these, because they're citing your jokes. Yeah. It's like in a very professional. That's hilarious. And then they were like, and. Yeah, it's like in a very professional That's like and then they were like and then one of it was like okay to say and it had the n-word typed out This is crazy. Wow, that was okay. That was okay, man That's what's so weird about these there's there's they were different times they flip and flop

But remember just got that note back in the day where this is mine. Yes. Yes Yeah, he did a Fallon set and the joke was something about Asians and the punchline was laundromat and they were like, that's offensive, so we changed it to build a railroad and that was okay. Wow. Laundromat is positive. They're starting businesses, you know? Well, railroads are positive too, I guess.

They're like, oh, they haven't done that in a while. That's okay. I guess that is comedy plus time, right? I guess but they're like they haven't done that in a while Plus time right I guess so the also there's this thing about like, you know How accurate you're like if you're doing? Something that can be perceived as negative like Angela Johnson. I remember. Yes the nail salon bit Dude that bit was like, beloved. Crazy viral. But she nailed the accent. Yeah.

And she nailed the actual context of like, what would be said. Yes. You know what I mean? So if you watch it, you're like, oh, you could, somebody could hyper react in the moment. So like, you shouldn't be able to, but then if you watch it, you're like,

yeah, but she's nailing all the things. It's completely accurate, it's almost like a documentary. Yeah. But she got shit later on. Later, right? Which is so funny, because it shows there was a shift. This bit was probably reposted on 500 accounts, and all of them were like

in the millions and millions of views. Pull up how many of you, go scroll down a little bit. 46 million, that's insane. Oh, you don't have to play it. It's a place called Beautiful. But yeah, that bit took over, it changed her whole life. I think that was the old Gotham. It says 18 years ago.

Oh yeah. That's like when YouTube first started. Yeah, she was, Nate Bragazzi used to open for her. Wow. Fun fact. He's doing all right now. Yeah, she was been Nate used to Nate Bargatze used to open for her Wow fun fact. He's doing alright now. Yeah. Yeah Like the rules are not written in stone anywhere. So you don't when you do something like that people are like, alright Well, what's the I'm not bothered by it. Yeah. I know I thought the exact same thing, but I remember I I did a bit about

The first 48 the TV. Oh, yeah. Yeah did this bit like fuck It's got to be like close to 15 years ago. The show is still on by the way the first 48, the TV show. I did this bit like, fuck, it's gotta be close to 15 years ago. That show is still on, by the way. I just hung out with the producers and the entire Tulsa Homicide Detective Squad for the show there, because they film there. And it was amazing.

They're the best. But when that show was like exploding, I came up with, I did this bit about it. It was kind of a long bit about all the, you know, basically the parts of an episode and like the stages it goes through. And throughout it, I'm basically being like, yeah, all the suspects are black.

Without saying that, but I'm doing like, I'm doing, I'm citing how the interviews, I actually forget how it goes, but I don't know Knucklehead or whatever his name was, you know, Dookie Shoes, I don't know Dookie Shoes, I've seen them, but I don't know them, like all that. And I was doing all these, and I realized that I toured with that bit for like two and a half years, right?

Until I recorded it. So many shows, and it had like all this me doing like this, essentially like a black impression and like specific things. All I ever got from black people was like, just heaps of praise. You know what I mean? They would come up to me, they're like, that's the funniest shit, like high fives and like just heaps of praise. You know what I mean? They would come up to me, they're like, that's the funniest shit, like high fives,

and then the only time I ever had people shake their head was like white women. You know, in the front row, just like, this isn't right. But I was like, but the reason that it worked with a black audience was because of the fact that like the detail. It fact that the details were accurate. It wasn't lazy. It wasn't lazy.

It wasn't a lazy bit. And it wasn't really hurtful. You were just chronicling what was on the show. You were just saying, this is what it was. Yeah. They even told me, because the big thing at the end of that bit, I think, was that I say something about how you think

you can talk your way out of the interrogation. I was like, nobody lawyers the fuck up, right? If you watch the show, you'll see 300 people get charged, and they're like, and he went away, and then there's the one guy who's like, lawyer, and then it says, no charges, or all charges against Teyshawn were dropped. That was like the last thing.

These detectives to this day, they're like every single time some fucking guys in here and they go lawyer, we go fuck and then we walk out and they're like he fucking watched the girl's thing. Like. Oh, you're saving lives. Yeah, the guilty lives. Yeah, guilty lives. Yeah, yeah, you're Johnny Coch lives. Yeah, the guilty lives. Yeah, guilty lives, yeah.

Yeah, you're Johnny Cochran. Yeah, it's great, it's great. Holy shit. I've never seen the show, but I... That's amazing. But I know what it is, clearly. Oh, my God, because at this point, it's like, literally is, I think, 20 seasons of the show.

Wow. And they've been into, you know, it comes and goes from different cities, but fascinating thing that, oh 28 seasons. 28? But I think that's only since 2004. Right, okay. Maybe it run two seasons a year or something.

I see. So last year, like Tulsa's actually not, it's not a huge city, you know, but it's like several hundred thousand people. They had a 100% conviction rate on homicides. Wow. That's bananas. That sounds crooked.

Was that? That almost sounds crooked. Yeah, yeah, like there was, you know, 52 murders. They fucking closed all 52. Damn. Which is really nuts, man. Like if you look at the close rate on some other state, like New Orleans, it ain't fucking 100%, dude.

Oh, it's in the negative. Yeah, it's like, yeah. There's like, it's really, really rare, man. So it's like, yeah, solve rate. I'm here. Remember that? That's nuts, dude. Homicide hunter, Lieutenant Joe Kenda,

you ever see that? Oh yeah, the big guy. Look up that guy, Lieutenant Joe Kenda. He was fun. Well this whole thing was like he'd like 400 and something Arrest yeah convictions or whatever which is not fucking wow oh? Yeah, this guy's had like TV shows and shit. Yeah, I'm a side hunter Yeah, but yeah, they got like a really they got a real honk to plan when he was younger. Oh yeah, but they yeah, they read I mean look it is he's clearly seen some shit and done some amazing stuff But it is it is hilarious that that's your second chapter Just putting dudes away. You're just like he's just he's cocky as fuck. Yeah, he looks in the camera. He has catchphrases

He says shit like my oh my oh He's got merch. I mean it's one point I kind of like other cops are probably like this guy's a fucking cruise ship back to the right right but uh dude you gotta watch you gotta watch a first or you know watch it's so entertaining and it's so real yeah it's the realest thing it's I remember that like in the bit I make what is it oh shit 91 that's really impressive we're pretty corrupt as well by the way. That's like our thing

Oh, I like that. Yeah, the corrupt point that you just made it says like New Orleans, please PD claims 91 However, a watchdog group indicates Wow, who's the watchdog group that's what I want They got like probably like a CCRB type thing, right? What's that? Like civilian complaint review board type thing. Oh, interesting. That's very funny. Were they?

Yeah, man. That's got to be an exhausting job. Yeah. Just dealing with corrupt cops. Oh my god. Just fucking stop lying to me. I know, because then they'll arrest your ass. By the way, you got a couple of black cents.

You got Big Daddy Kane. Oh, yeah. The bike. You got some stuff. Kane,. You got a Big Daddy Kane. Oh yeah. The bike, you got some stuff. Kane, that was such a surreal day because what I remember was the special came out and it's 2014, that first special. And honestly, you know, every time,

when everything comes out, especially when you're young or younger, you're like, will this be a thing that like helps me,, changes my career? And then weeks go by, a month, and you're like, oh, everything's the same. You know what I mean? Like everything's the same, everything felt the same. And then I lived in this back house in Redondo Beach,

which was like a dead spot for my cell signal. So sometimes I would leave the house and then it would just be like, oh, yeah. So I had been in the house, especially been out like a month. I back out and my phone just goes boop and then I hit play and it just goes, sup Tom, big daddy Kane.

I was like, what? Like I could, he's like, I'm at your boy Russell's house right now, you know, checked out the thing, it's very, like he gives me like this really big compliment. And I'm like, this is fucking nuts. Like it felt like that was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to me.

And then there was Russell, he was at Russell Peters house. Russell. Russell was like, a hip hop head. He's also like the black whisperer. Right, right. He knows every black person that you've ever wanted to meet. Not P Diddy.

He doesn't know him. But he was just like, he's like, hey, are you around right now? I go, yeah. He goes, well, he's at my house right now. He's like, do you wanna come meet him? Yeah, I do. Yeah.

I fucking drove over and, yeah, that's cool. Then I'm just like, then I don't know what to say. I was like, hi, hi, Big Daddy. Yeah. Your bits get you all these connections. My bit, people just yell at me and tell me I'm a hack. You know? Like, no one's ever reached out and been like,

we gotta hang out. You do that bit about the Ken. No one's ever reached out and been like, we gotta hang out. You did that bit about the 10. No one's ever hit you up like we should. Not really. My bits are mostly about me or my wife or my kid I guess. So no one's ever like, Dan Marino's not like, hey, come on over. Yeah, who's another person who called you randomly

or like what the fuck? Like you're hanging out with Brad Pitt, you're hanging out with. That was nuts. That was nuts. And then I had that streak of really like incredible, once again, black seat mates on flights. Yeah.

For like a stretch. Yes, yes. I had Method Man. Jesus. Jill Scott. Wow. Serena Williams. Jesus.

Like sat like the whole flight. That's crazy. Coast to coast. Yeah. And I'm just like, literally like, cause you think, you know, I'm usually pretty chill with like notable people, but like the Serena thing I was like, what do I do?

Yeah, you feel like you're looking at like a Madame Tussauds. It's so fucking famous. Oh crazy, and then she's like, she's taking notes. Soul plane. I was like, what are you? Is that what you're flying? Yeah, that's what I was flying. Soul plane. I was like, what are you? Is that what you're flying? Yeah, that's what I was flying.

That's hilarious. I go, what are you doing? She's like, I'm taking a class, you know? I'm taking a class online for whatever subject. And I was like, oh cool. And she ends up being like, you know, what do you do? I go, comedian. She's like, really?

I go, yeah. And she's like, do you have a special? And I realized that I go, I go, yeah, actually I have one. I had the one out. I was like, it's on Netflix. Oh, what's it called? And I see her write it down on her sticky note. And then I was like, yeah, we chat.

She's super pleasant. And at the end, I feel so goofy doing it. But I was like, can I have a photo? Sure. I take a photo. You still feel like an asshole can I have a photo? Sure. I take a photo, you still feel like an asshole. Of course. I have a selfie, and then I'm walking off the jet bridge, and I literally, I must have turned white,

I just go, and I have sweat, like cold sweat, I'm like, oh my God, because internally I realized that I had told her, watch this special, and then it hits me that in the special, I talk about some fantasy where I go, where it's the Williams sisters and Serena's sitting on my face and Venus is putting a racket up my ass. And I say that in the special and I'm like,

oh, if she does watch that, she's gonna be like, this is why this creep told me to watch. And I was like, this definitely was not my intention. Oh, that's hilarious. Serena, if you're watching. No, here's the part two of it. Okay.

A few years ago... It came true? I get invited to do Pete's 9-11 fundraiser show. Pete Davidson. Pete Davidson. And you go there and it's like crazy, right? It's him and Jon Stewart's hosting. Wow.

You know, all these people show up, Chris Rock's there, and you know, just huge, huge names. And you know, we do your set and I had a good set, I felt good, and Pete like lights up a joint In like the hallway of MSG right MSG. Yeah, I'm like you just do that. It's just lights on fire. They Hands me a joint. Yeah, like okay, so I hit it a few times and then I'm walking. There's like a big

There's a there's a after event at MSG. And as I'm walking towards, they're like, yes, this back tunnel, it's Serena and her husband, Alex. The reddit founder. The white guy, yeah. Oh, he founded Reddit? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah, so I go, mind you, I'm high as shit. And I'm like, hey. And I was like, hey, I was just up there. And they're like, he's very expressed, like very. He's like, oh, great job, great job. She's like, hi. And I go, you know, it's funny, I flew with you like 10 years ago to Serena.

Yeah, yeah. She's like, oh okay, I go, it's kind of a funny story. And she's like, okay. And he goes, I wanna hear it. Ah! And I lay out. Cut you getting removed by security. Bro, I lay out the whole thing that I just told you.

And I'm not exaggerating, the whole time she's like. Oh no. I just want to, and I know how high I am, and so I start to get more paranoid. He's ear to ear. Oh, that's good. He's like, yeah. And I was like, and then, so I realized that was,

because I said to sit on my face. And then she's like, do you know where the bar is Wow? I think it's Over here. Oh, I just walked away. I was like Set match yeah damn that's great. You think she'd have a sense. It was positive. You're not like she's ugly or I think she was probably like I can't imagine the amount of times. It's just funny to explain to a famous woman, and then I said, you sit on my face. Yeah, of course. And you're like, nothing?

Nothing on there? Also, because you have a pretty crazy ass. Right, right. Damn. Wow, full circle. Yeah, but then you also don't know people that famous, you're like, maybe she's just like, I don't know like people that famous you're like maybe she's just like I don't whatever yeah Fucks we might be drunk as brought to you by rocket money. You don't suck at money You're just being robbed by 12 subscriptions you forgot you had rocket money helps you get back on track

Rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions Monitors your spending and it helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over five million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features. Get a handle on your finances and stop paying

for streaming services everyone under the sun. They're killing you. Come on, I still got CISO, Grinder, and PornHub up my ass. Thank God I got Rocket Money. I knew I was spending too much on Al Jazeera and Crypto, the bored ape. It was all bad.

Don't keep wishing you had more money, do something about it. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash drunk today. That's rocketmoney.com slash drunk. Rocketmoney.com slash drunk. Starting an online store sounds cool

until you're trying to code your own website at 2 a.m. Make it easy and get your online store up and running with Shopify. With hundreds of ready-to-use templates, Shopify helps you build an online store that matches the vibe of your brand. It even has AI tools that will help you write product descriptions, page headlines, and even enhance your product photography. You're about to make your life a whole lot easier. Shopify even turns you into an expert marketer with email and social media campaigns that spread the word

wherever your customers are scrolling. Turn your big business into a cha-ching with Shopify on your side. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com slash drunk. Go to Shopify.com slash drunk. Shopify.com slash drunk. Cha-ching. If your wardrobe needs a refresh but you don't want to break the bank, it's time to check out Quince. Quince is half the cost of similar brands and they've got the kind of stuff you'll actually wear on repeat. Check out the breathable flow knit polos, cotton shirts, and comfy lightweight pants that will work for both your weekend barbecues and that fancy dinner date.

By working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middleman, you'll get luxury pieces without the crazy markup. I've heard this is great stuff. I can't wait to check out their website. I'm looking on it. I love that breathable stuff especially in a heat wave here in New York. So I'm looking all up in the quince. I'm looking forward to a quince. Only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices so you can feel good about your purchase. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials

from Quince. Go to quince.com slash drunk for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash drunk and get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash drunk. Yeah, that's it. Look at that. That it on your face might kill you though. I know Suffocation would be a lovely death. That's true. I just say go back to the show for a second back to the new Netflix series

Don't you feel like like we've all pitched off. We've all bad thoughts. We've all been Rejected turned down for a million things I know I have. And every time they go, that's a little much or we're not ready for this or whatever, I go, but the little much is the good part. That's what you should be going for. But they're all like, I don't know. It's a little outside the box and avant-garde or whatever, a little offensive, a little too much. But too much is good. That's what every squid game, what if they were like, it's a little violent. don't know you know that's the biggest show ever you know yeah so I just just a note

I'm just venting now but a note to the coward suits out there it's worse than that now now they don't even make like almost anything to get anything made now I mean these jobs are replaced within like eight months half the time like that's true we brought shows back to from it to Amazon and Hulu and the people we were talking to were just new people. They just quit games, they're fucking development people. I mean, it's crazy.

It's very common. Yeah. I think they're just terrified to make anything. So when you made this, I guess for people listening who are like, I want to make a show, proof of concept is really... Yep. I mean, here's the thing. Can something be written that definitely gets across what your show is and have it be clear to the reader?

I think, yes, that is definitely possible. Is the percentage chance of that so much higher if you have a proof of concept, I think without question that when you shoot what you are trying to do on a bigger scale, when you show what it is, it becomes like, there's nowhere else, it is at that point the yes or no is so much more clear, I think. Right, like I think the, you know, probably the most famous example in like our world of that is probably like the Sonny guys,

because that was, the story always is that they shot this on their own thing. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, so they shot that before it was a show. Like in other words, to show it. Yeah. This is like the banter, these are the characters, this is the dynamic, this is the whole thing.

And so they had like something to show and you think about that show and you go, does that come across if you had just handed it in a script? I don't think so. Definitely not, definitely not. I don't think you can. So the upside to that being the thing, because see there's always a reason

to turn down production. Like if somebody, if I go, do you wanna shoot this thing? And you're like, fuck man, schedule wise, the costs, the time, I have this, like you can always talk your way out, right? But if you're somebody who goes, you know what, we're gonna, I know there's always a reason to not to, we're gonna shoot it anyway, because not only is it gonna

highlight what we're trying to do, like even shoot it anyway because not only is it gonna highlight what we're trying to do, like even if it's a scene from our movie, we just wanna shoot one scene, but it's so accessible to do now. Like you don't have to have millions of dollars to shoot that scene. You just need like, you know, you can rent a good camera. You could hire a qualified DP, your lighting director,

somebody for sound, people that like are in this business that they love doing that too. And it's not gonna be like, you could tell them, you're like, I don't have a crazy budget, but I do have this, you know, I do have something. And people will give you their best. Actors, actors love to act. You can get great actors.

So you can shoot the thing that you wanna shoot. It's just a matter of like, is your decision to do it or not, right? Because there's really no excuse other than that. You can get it done for a reasonable amount. You can definitely get it to a good editor to cut it for you, but I think you're always gonna improve your chances, whatever your goal is,

if you shoot something. But do you think it's more that these people are so unimaginative that they can't see it, or do you think it's also that they're like, holy shit, this person gets stuff done? It's both, it's both. So that's a really good observation, the second part of it especially.

Look, sometimes you luck out and you get really, the truth is all of us joke about it, sometimes you get great executives, you really do. People who you're like, man, this person is just phenomenal. Their notes are actually, I'm glad I have their notes, they just made it so much better, right? So there are those things, there's definitely the other side of it

where they have zero vision of anything and you need to really spell it out for them. But the big thing is that what you're saying is somebody who does that, that instills confidence in people who are making decisions. Because what they're really doing is they're investing in you as the person. You think it's like, oh this line and that line

and this shot and they're like, no. It's the fact that we're investing, you know, 15 million dollars on this thing. Who's the person, like, oh it's you guys and you turn in this stuff? Oh, we feel a lot better about this. Because ultimately what's gonna happen is that person is gonna report to another guy and go,

who the fuck did you give 15 million dollars to? And it's gonna be like, well, they did this. And if they did this and they go, shit, that looks pretty goddamn good. Yeah, it's gonna make them be like, well these are people that are capable. Yeah. Ultimately their job.

It's their job. Right, right, right. That's why they make a lot of fear-based decisions. Yes. You make fear-based decisions because. Avengers 19. Yeah. That works.

That's a safe choice. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, it saves their job. But, no, I think you're right. Like, Ari, he pitched, this is not happening years ago, and they were like, who's this ugly guy saying. Yeah, it saves their job. But now I think you're right. Ari, he pitched this is not happening years ago and they were like, who's this ugly guy? He's over the hill, he's old, he's gross.

Let's look up his other stuff. The amazing racist. Yeah, exactly. Not to mention his standup. Do you think in his head he thinks he looks like that? Probably, yeah. He looks, I think he looks better now than then, for sure. I do too.

That's true. I do too. I think he's aged into it, for sure. He's aged well. Yeah. Yeah. He looks, for his age, he looks great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. He doesn't look bad, and he drinks and does drugs and stuff. Lots.

Yeah. Oh my God, he left my, hilarious, he left my place the other night. I had people over for one of those Knicks games, and we just got all, we all getting hammered, but he left with my friend, who's this bartender at the cellar, and before we're drinking, Aron and I take like pre-hangover shots,

we're like, I said, this will help if you know. Oh really? Yeah, and he texts me the next day at like 2 p.m., he's like, the hangover shot did nothing, I'm like, yeah, well you left and kept drinking. Yeah, you drank all night, you fucking idiot. Yeah. I stopped at like six, well you left and kept drink. You drank all night, you fucking idiot. I stopped at like six, you had like 14 or something. You're 50.

Dude, I saw him last week, he had a t-shirt on that said Stan, New York Comedy Club, Comedy Cellar, and it was like three, six clubs on his shirt. And I was like, what is this? And they had Xs on them, and he goes, I'm doing a pub crawl with Sal Volcano, and I'm Xing off, I'm getting drunk in every comedy club and doing sets and I got three more to go

and he was already fucked up. So that's who he is, he's fun. For a 68 year old man, he really lives. Yeah, we have four. But my point is, he pitched it, they said no, he put it on YouTube, it blew up and then they bought it. It's the tires, your show, whatever. bought it. It's, I mean. Tires, you know, your show, you know, whatever. Yeah, the concept is really, yeah, I mean,

with your show it's harder, cause it looks the way it looks. I mean. Sorry. You know. Nice. It looks the way it looks and, you know, tires is like a workplace thing. It's a different thing. It's a different thing completely.

I mean, with our, like, I'll say this. I say that you don't have to spend a lot, because you don't. I did spend a lot to do those proof of concept ones, simply because for me, the idea of it was for it to be this high level, that was part of the show. It's very good quality.

One of the characters of the show is the fact that it should look like cinematic. So yeah, that's Nico Wiesnet was our DP who's like a brilliant guy and you know, that's why it looks great, right? You can still have things look good, I'm saying, without spending a lot. We did spend a lot when we made the proof of concept because it was honestly like, it was like I had to pay for everything. I was doing it to be like, I want it to look like this.

On a scale of one to 10, how nervous were you? Especially, you spent all the money, you went high budget. That's even more nerve wracking that you might not sell it. Or you were pretty confident. I was confident that, what I was confident was in that if I did the online thing, I was like, okay. If I do that, because that was always the plan.

The paywall. I didn't think that I was gonna make money. What I thought was that I was going to erase a lot of losses. Sure. Like maybe I'll lose some, but not all. Yeah. That to me was enough. Oh, all right.

Because I was. Isn't that incredible that comics have that? Cause I look at like, look at Megalopolis, you know, with Francis Ford Coppola, he spent 120 mil of his own money. Like, I'm not saying a paywall would have helped, but like, you know, comics kind of have that option more than just pure filmmaker.

I think you're, yeah. Good point, yeah. Which is weird. Which is like, this whole thing is so important because you actually, you do have a direct to consumer relationship. Like, you know, your fans are like here with you every week and if they like you, they trust you, and they wanna support you, it's like,

they'll go on this ride if you do something like that. Like that crazy. Also, 120 mils a lot. That's a lot. That's crazy. He did that and like, I think he sold his winery and all this shit. And then Costner, apparently, he's making this epic, American, Western trilogy.

I saw the first one. I think he- Horizon, was it good? Yeah, it was really well done. Yeah, I think he leveraged his, whatever Santa Barbara is called to pay for it. I respect it. I do too, I think he's they like he leveraged his whatever Santa Barbara Oh, you know to pay for it. I respect it. I mean I respect it too I totally do but it also is like it's too long But it looks amazing and it's it's got like a dances with wolves kind of Western vibe. It's fun

If you like Westerns you'll like it But he loves that shit. He loves that Coppola always lived dangerously though I don't know if you ever saw the Apocalypse Now documentary. I mean he just lived fucking like crazy. Even then he was like, shit we're over budget, I'll have to make up the rest of the, and so he always lived that way. Yeah, yeah, but he pulled it off then.

Yeah. Now that, make a lot. Did you watch it? No, I should watch it. I didn't see it, no I did not. Damn, sucks to go down like into your golden years, you're like fading out as a filmmaker. But maybe he feels all right.

I mean, you know, he made the thing he wanted to make. That's true. And he's got such a fucking incredible resume. Like he's still made some of the best movies ever. Yeah. 100%. I wonder too, if like, maybe, you know, it not being a success at that stage in your life doesn't really affect you the same way either.

You know what I mean? Yeah, maybe. Like you've been through so much of life, not just career, and you go, yeah, but I made what I wanted to make. What if you're very satisfied by that? Yeah, yeah, maybe. I would love to have him on the pod.

That'd be great. It'd just be so interesting, I feel like. Yeah. Well, it's like be so interesting, I feel like. Yeah. Well, it's like Norm, Norm, you know, obviously gambling addict, he lost like all of his money like in the last couple years and he was like, ah, I get to start over. He said he felt kind of free.

That's insane. I know. But that just shows what a disease it is. Yeah, he's an animal. You lose that kind of money and you're like, oh good. Yeah, yes, yes. That's fucking insane. Yeah, he had a problem.

Yeah, I'm glad it's not gambling. Oh, we're so lucky we're not gambling, guys. I just don't have it. I respect it. I like going to a casino. It's fun. If we go to a casino and hit the tables, I'm like, yeah, it's fun.

It's a good time. I never get into like, hey hey can I get like 250 grand? You know, it just never occurs to me. Winning doesn't feel as good to me as losing feels bad. They both feel awful. I find that I get this real, like what you, for it to be like something, you have to have the heart rate move somewhat.

Yes, yes. And so for me for me, I don't know man, if I lose anything north of $500 on something, I just start to go like, I know it's not gonna destroy my life, but it starts to just, and if I win, if I win like $1,000, I'll be like, fuck. So I'm just lucky that it's happening there. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. For some people, they're like, oh, it's gotta be 25 grand. You're like, get the fuck out. I know. No way. And now it's on your phone. You got all that fucking phone gambling.

So I started to lose some, I was doing real well up money during the season for FanDuel. Once the Knicks are in the playoffs and I'm getting drunk and we're down 20, I'm like, fuck it, we're coming back. I just put big bets on a comeback. That's what they count on. I know. Plus 2,000, we're down 20. I'm like fuck it, we're coming back. I just put big bets on the comeback. That's what they count on. Plus 2,000, we're new.

It's brutal man, I kept doing it. I can't imagine, I've only done it once or twice when I was at a sports book. Like hitting a parlay has got to be. Oh yeah. It feels good. It's got, you've done it? That one feels pretty good. You've done it? Yeah, I've done it where like, I'll do a bunch

So I won't do I'll do like 50 bucks Yeah, but I'll do like seven like parlays and when you hit them you feel great. Oh, it's got it's awesome Yeah, I just do a lot of like not super crazy ones So then it just keeps raising and all of a sudden you're like plus 900 It's like stock like yeah, if you've like ever Listen to like Dana White's gambling stories? Yeah, I've heard a couple of Blackjack things. Dude, we podcasted with him and I was like,

I gotta talk to you about this. So he was well known for being just this insane Blackjack. Yeah. Really good at it? Well, so he's had like crazy runs. And he's also betting, depending on the table, three, 400,000 a hand, right? So he told me about this, I mean he says on the podcast,

I feel like I can say this, that he had a streak once where he won, he was walking away with like a million up a night, or like something like 18 or 20. Jesus Christ. In a row, right? And he also has, for somebody doing it at this level, like incredibly disciplined in that he goes, if I go in and I bet, you know, a few hundred grand

and I win two, three hands, I leave. For him it's the thrill of winning. Yes. He's an outlier, like a high, high, crazy achiever, right? That's a sane gambler. And so now he's told me he switched to back rat. Jesus Christ.

And maybe that's the one that, the reference, maybe it wasn't black. And maybe that's the one that, the reference, maybe it wasn't black. 23 million, what the hell? So, but then he told me he goes, and then on the last night I was supposed to go on a vacation, I was back at this club and I lost five million that night. Five million?

And then he was like, I went on vacation it's all I could fuck a think yeah I was like I'm gonna get these motherfuckers when I get back and then he got back and he he won a couple million and like so it's like but it's that level is what what motivates him yeah he was talking about being down and like playing through the night like mmm they're at 11 p.m. and then at 10 a.m. he's like I gotta go to this meeting. Wow. Like stayed there because he had gone down

and then he was, I love when the Black Shack people were like fighting your way back, just grinding it out, you know, digging in, you're like digging in. You know what I mean, saying hit me again. Ah. Fuck, yeah, it's like so crazy to think of it as like, I'm just fighting, man, I'm just fighting, not giving up. And then he got back to like close,

and then he had to go do his meeting. Oh my God. And then some of his friends played for him. Wow. And won money and paid the rest. Like, it was, it's just like. That's movie shit. It's real movie shit.

And it's just like, that feels like a miserable way to be rich. But they're on edge, they love it. They're jacked up. Yeah, I know, but if I had that kind of money, I think I would just enjoy it. Oh, completely, I'm with you. I pitched the idea to him that I was like,

I think this is because you're so used to these big wins, of they're like, you know, the arena sold out. This is the gate, we sold this many pay per views. I was like, when you leave here, you just need another. It's all about getting another hit, win. He's like, that's exactly what it is. Well, I mean, the biggest gamble was UFC.

That was like in the shitter, no one liked it, no one cared about it. They bought it for two million. Wow. 2.2 million, something like that. Crazy. What they bought the shitter, no one liked it, no one cared about it. They bought it for two million? Wow! 2.2 million, something like that? Crazy. What they bought the UFC for and then they sold it for I think 4.4 billion.

Wow. That's where you see all these basketball teams. Like the guy who just sold the Celtics made, I think he bought it for like 300 and sold it for four bill or something like that. Yeah. Maybe more, something crazy. Or like when you look at the details

of what Jordan's deal was. Well wait, what was his deal? So when he bought the Hornets. Well I think you're talking about the shoes, but yeah, I mean the hornets. But the hornets thing was crazy is like, you see the purchase price when he bought it, let's say, I think it was like 285 or something,

the Charlotte Hornets. Yeah. So when he bought that, how much was it bought? 275. Okay, pretty good. Close. So he buys that, you think in your head, you're like, what was Michael Jordan, he can afford 275.

Dude, all he paid was a down payment amount and then he just paid debt payments. So in other words, he borrowed, let's say, 250 million, paid like a loan debt payment. Yeah. And then when he sold it for three billion, he just paid, like he never actually parted. Wow.

You know what I mean? He just used the bank, I guess. Yeah, he just used, like he never actually parked it. Wow. You know what I mean? He just used the bank. Yeah, he just used the bank to own it. Damn. That guy's good. He's good. That's a pretty crazy way, you're like, yeah I'm good for it, I'll just make you these debt payments

every month, and then when I sell it, just clean that out and keep a couple billion dollars. The lamest franchise too, three billion? Fuck. Yeah, it got all, it got crazy. It got crazy. You could like, used to be able to fantasize that out and keep a couple billion dollars. The lamest franchise too, three billion? Fuck. It got all, it got crazy. It got crazy. You could like, used to be able to fantasize about being part of a group.

I know, I know. And now they're like, do you have six billion dollars? Someday a WNBA team, hold on. I know it keeps lowering where you're like, I want to get a women's. How much do I have on me here? The Spurs or what do they call the $75 yeah the lightning yeah, we'll get it Yeah

But it's like Steve we were talking about Steve jobs before he got here and he would do a thing where he would lease Mercedes and then when the the time came to pay the lease he would just cancel it and then lease another one Yeah, or some crazy shit like that. You're like you're a trillionaire, but they have all these tricks, these rich guy tricks. And they do, you know, when they have yachts, these are like incredibly expensive assets. They'll be listed under an LLC, but even that LLC will be like in their spouse's name. So they're not actually liable in any way

to own this $400 million asset. Yeah, there's all these like loopholes. My dream is to do the thing in the movies where they're like, we owe the bank 20 million, let me hit the tables. And you just, you're like, how much do we have, 2000? I'll turn it into 20 million. Well, all the thing, all they just, all of them spend time,

you know, if they live in California, New York, they just have a place in Florida that they spend like six months in a day. Oh yeah, a lot of people do that. The only thing I heard from, I know people that do it, like what they have, the Nevada place, you know, and they're Californians,

so it's close by, so spend time there. How do they monitor, do they go by credit card statements, or do they go by lights? So the thing now, so apparently the most aggressive franchise tax board in the country is Californias. So the thing now, apparently the most aggressive franchise tax board in the country is California's. The California's is really, really tough. If you own anything in California,

you're gonna hear from them, especially if you're an earner. They're gonna be like, what's up? That's why you got the fuck out. You own, you owe us, right? But obviously some people are still like, okay, but I still wanna keep this California shit, but I'm not a resident. So now because technology is where it is,

there's actually software that you put on your cell phone that is legally binding that will show your exact location. So if you do get to that point with the tax board about how much time you spent there, you actually will show them, I spent this many days in California and this many out. They're getting here. Damn, can you just leave your phone in Nevada?

Yeah, get to? Yeah. You go back to the landline? Yeah, damn. People have a bad phone, right? People do that. Yeah, all the time, burner burner phone all that shit damn Trump's got a golden phone

I don't know if you saw that so yeah do you guys have any peeves you wanna go over oh yeah I got a weak peeve but I got a peeve alright I'll start this is shit but it annoys the fuck out of me so I'm a douche I don't prepare and I'm taking a shower

you know and I'm in the shower, I don't prepare, and I'm taking a shower, you know, and I'm in the shower with all the wife's products, and she buys everything, and I can't, all her products are so hoity-toity and frou-frou, I can't tell what's what. I'm like, just say shampoo, but it'll be like puritanical elixir from the rainforest. I'm like, is this conditioner, is this lotion, is this douche, what is this? Dude, 100% identify with this. Okay, thank you. So, I don't know what I'm using, I'm just putting this conditioner is this lotion is this douche? What is this dude a hundred percent identify? Okay? Thank you, so I don't know what I'm you. I'm just putting shit my hair It's like fucking for Jerry curls or whatnot. I don't know what it is. I don't even have hair and I

I still get mad at it. I really do yes I want to put something on my head for shaving you know in the shower Yeah, and I turn it's literally forest mist. And I'm like, forest mist what? Forest mist, we're just saying shit, but it's like head and shoulders. Two in one, boom. I'm looking at my ex's stuff that's still in my shower. I'm like, I'm furious. I'm like, I'm fucking alone and I don't know what the fuck this shit is.

What is this? I had no one ask. Exactly, this body balm. And I'm like, is that lotion? I don't know what anything is. So just just write the shit on there. I know you're trying to be cute and sexy. Men's stuff is so to the point. Head and shoulders. I know what the fuck that is. Yeah

pert Give me some pert Man yeah, so that that annoys the shit out of me. I got a peeve This is like a thing you see all over Instagram people going I said what I said Controversial it's always like best pizza in South, Florida. I said what I said. Oh, I hate that. It's never controversial. It's always like best pizza in South Florida. I said what I said. Was that a big deal to say? I know.

And that sentence doesn't mean that you said what you said. Yeah, we caught that when you said it. But it's never like a shocking thing. These catchphrases catch on. Full stop. Shut up, I saw you stopped. You don't have to tell me it's full. I'm with you on that.

I said what I said, it is what it's full. I'm with you on that. I said what I said, it is what it is. Yeah. Deal with it. It is what it is. Yeah. That means nothing. There's nothing there.

It's an empty statement. Deal with me. Yeah. I even hate when guys are like, let me just, I'm being completely genuine here. I got a question. I mean, just completely genuine. I'm like, just ask it.

I assume you're completely genuine. What do I think, you're doing a character? Yeah. You know, just ask the genuine. I'm like, just ask it. I assume you're completely genuine. Well, I think you're doing a character. Just ask the question. Hand to God, hand to God, man. I'm like, all right. I get super annoyed by the, I hate corporate formality. Oh, yeah.

When I check into a hotel here and they have the card in the room, I actually, there's like a visceral reaction to me because it's like, I know it's a manufactured thing that you do for every, where it's like, it's like, Tom, we're all excited. I take it and I throw it away in the trash. Sometimes it's in an envelope and I don't open it.

I throw it away. Because I just feel like it's like when corporations are like, you know, Boeing is wishing you a Merry Christmas. You're like, really, Boeing is? You send it to a widow. You're making F22s and you're saying Merry, like I feel like it's the same way and I just, it rings inauthentic.

Of course, of course. That's the part of it that really annoys me. The card, also when they call the room and they check in, they go, how's your stay going? Do you really wanna know how I'm doing? I'll fucking tell you. I'll unload. I also don't like, this is a thing that like,

not all hotels do this, but some do, where like, they always, they time it so just after you arrive, they have an amenity for you. And you're like, dude, I get in, I wanna lay on the bed. Then they knock, and you're like, what? And they're like, we have some dried apricots. I don't want them. Yeah, and they're like, this is a gift for you.

I'm like, did you send it back? Nice hotel though. It happened to me, I was in a hotel and I was so cranky, it was like day 12 on a tour bus and I'm finally in a hotel, I finally went to me. I was in a hotel and I was so cranky. I was just in a it was like day 12 on a tour bus Yeah, I'm finally in a hotel. I was like I finally went to shower. Yes, like some guy just shows up Knocks in the door my pants are off and I'm like trying to sleep and like what and he goes some sparkling water I'm like, oh, come on Geez with answering the door the underwear is a good move because people get the fuck out of it

Yeah, they see your underwear. They're like, here you go, I'll see it. You have to tip them. I look like Swamp Thing. I was just like, ah. Some poor guy was just like, I'm sorry, I was just trying to give you sparkling water. I was like, ah, sorry. I had this one the other day where I was in a hotel

and I was fucking with the AC and it was boiling hot in the room and I'm like, I got it on 65. What the hell? So I had to call down, I hate to be that guy. And they're like, we'll send up Bob. He's our repair guy. So now I'm in my underwear with a boner and Bob's got

overalls on and he's like I think I got it he's up on a ladder we're making small talk and I'm like should I leave the whole thing feels weird should I fuck him yeah Bob I am lonely but I had like you know pawn stars on he's like oh I know this one and I'm like I hate when it's late at night, and they're like we can send some yes. Yeah, I don't want no No, I had that for like I was like alright. I'm gonna watch a movie, and then it wasn't working Hmm, and I was like it's not working, and they're like we can send them up. I go. I'll just go to bed Have you seen sinnersners yet? Yeah. It's pretty cool, man.

I thought it was really cool. I dug it. I gotta see it. Yeah, I thought it was really cool. I was like, this is fun. The music, the stories, there's like, I love going into movies not knowing, and I didn't know shit.

Only thing I had heard from people, they were like endorsing it. So I was like, I'm not gonna look it up, I'm not gonna try to like. Same. And so I would say that like a lot of the pivots and turns were very unexpected. they were like endorsing it. So I was like, I'm not gonna look it up, I'm not gonna try to like them. And so I would say that a lot of the pivots and turns were very unexpected. I was like, oh, this is not the story

I thought we were gonna see. Okay, it's not too kill whitey? No, it's fun. Okay, sometimes I get bummed out with the joy of white death. A little? There's a hint of it, take a little bit. I can take a little, I mean, if the white guys are bad. You know a clan member

All right, yeah, yeah vamp the vampires and clan so all right. All right. You want to win one of those I like Nice oh, sorry you get what you gotta peeve. I got a wreck. Okay. Do the wreck now. What do you got? You gotta peeve well. No I got a wreck too Stupid wreck, but game changer for me. I don't know if you guys use these. Please. Packing cubes for travel. Oh dude. What?

You don't use them? No, what's a packing cube? They're like toolbox on Amazon. You just, like you get one for your underwear, you get one for your shirts, you get one for your socks. And you ship these? No, no, no. I put it in my suitcase. Oh, well why not just use the suitcase? You put it in the suitcase like that because it just divides everything

so it doesn't get all mushed together. Oh. Just be organized. It is fucking brilliant. Game changer. What? This is an extra thing to me. This is more work than I put the underwear

next to the shirt. It's a little bit of an, it is an extra step and you're kind of like, what the fuck am I doing? But when you see the level of satisfaction and... What am I Marie Kondo? I mean, I got, I'm gone for three days. If you pack a lot or are you a light packer? Very light.

If you're a light packer, it's probably less, I think if you're a heavy packer, like I go overboard. What about a fudge packer? I love it. I couldn't resist. I love it. I love it resist. I love it, asshole. Especially with Bob, the hotel guy. Love that guy's asshole.

Rosie Redd asshole. Oh yeah. But if you're like, you know, I like to bring like double the amount of underwear and then all of a sudden it's in this cube and you're like, that's my underwear thing. Got it. You start to do it like that,

I thought it was, yeah, fantastic. What happens when you get dirty clothes? Where does that go? I just get it. I bring an empty one. Yeah You bring an empty bag and it's like it's it takes up no space because it's empty and then as you're going along the week Right now makes sense. I'll rewear an underwear. I'll flip it That's an old-school What if you work out it's a whole clean clean side. Holy shit. That's awful. I'm awful. That's a boomer's move.

You know that, right? That's a fucking disgusting move. I'm a boomer, I guess. I remember my dad would do that, and I would go, yo. Like, yeah, I would see him pick up underwear on the ground, had a nice clear brown streak. Oh.

And I go, what the fuck? He goes, just a little sunset. So he called it a little sunset. Ah. And I go, what the fuck? He goes, just a little sunset. So he called it. Oh. Oh. Flip it around. Well, I'm not wearing whiteys, I'll tell you that. So my brown is hidden.

The flip is fucking gross. It's so intense. I'm not going to do a tough mutter and then flipping it. But if I go to Cleveland and do a show, I'll flip. Wow. That guy's got a show, I'll flip. Wow. That guy's got a roach in there, Jesus Christ. Dude, it's satisfying because you just know where everything is. Yeah, it's very satisfying.

Oh yeah. All right, all right. I'll give it a shot. I just feel like, look at the suitcase. I'm good. And they're cheap on Amazon. You can... Oh, I have to bring this one up because I was like, I wonder if it hits you the same

way. It's a quiet one, right? It's one that I keep to myself usually, but I feel like it's when you befriend people that don't work in comedy, and they go, oh, you're in comedy, so they send you comedy clips, like sketches. Oh, yeah, that's tough. And I'm always like, I look at it,

I'm like, does this make you fuckin' LOL dude? Yeah. I wanna be like. If it's good I never am bothered by it, but if it's bad shit I'm like. It's rarely. Well that's the thing, it's like. It's always very broad.

Sometimes it's gonna be good, right? By number you're gonna be like, this is great. Half the time when it's that you already know it. You're like, I know him. Like yeah, that is great and I've seen this, whatever. But so many times it's like this broad, like. Woman. Oh, I thought you meant a broad.

It's the fucking skirt. Yeah, has some game. I literally have to go like, ha ha ha. Yes. Like, I don't know how to, and then they're like, isn't that great? Yup. Ha ha ha ha.

Oh man, this is part of me dying. I'm cautious when it's someone in another field. Like if there's like a musician, and I have a friend who's a musician, I'm like, oh what do you, it's more like, oh what do you think of this? Yeah, yeah, that's, yes. I'm more like curious.

Well that's because we have the proper amount of self-awareness and fear inside of us to be like, hey you're a musician, have you heard this? Where they're gonna be like, yeah, this is fucking. Ha ha ha. I made the mistake of telling a couple musician friends of mine that I enjoyed the Timothy Chalamet, Bob Dylan movie and they were like, you fucking like that.

And I was like, yeah, that was really good. And they were just like, oh please. Interesting. He was always him, he was never, and I was just like, yeah, that was really good. And they were just like, oh, please. Interesting. He was always him. He was never, and I was just like, yeah, I liked him. What was their critique of it? They just thought he never became Bob Dylan. They thought they were watching,

they felt like they were watching Timothy Shalimar. Maybe it's like how we see Punchline. We're like, that's not, Tom Hatt, that's not a comic. Well, we see someone playing a comic. We're gonna be more critical. Of course, of course. Yeah, someone playing, like we saw the Richard, they've been trying to make the Richard Pryor movie forever. Yeah. Yeah, but you see they're doing a Springsteen It feels just like the Chalamet. It's the guy from the bear

Yeah Is doing Springsteen and you're like is this just an Oscar win or is that what they're going for these biopics? Yeah, cuz you know you get sweaty and you're up there. But Chalamet was so celebrated for that. I thought he killed it. I thought he killed it. I thought he was awesome. And this looks pretty cool too to be honest. But it's weird that like artists I grew up liking

are now so old that it has to have a biopic. We're when they're not dead yet. Yeah, both still alive. They'll be dead soon. Yeah. Yeah. With Ray Charles was dead for the Ray movie, right? That's true. Live while it was being made he died

Is that right now? Yeah, Johnny? Right was dead before definitely dead. Yeah, yeah because um What's his name? Who was one the Pia? Oh, uh Stevie Wonder no actor no no, but the real guy Ray Charles So Ray Charles was there signing off on oh He killed that by the way, yeah, oh my god. They nailed that role. Yeah, he was amazing I met him a couple weeks ago Jamie that next time on a flight It was at this like they did this Emmy

like submission like a submission event. So like I was there for the show, where they're like we're submitting these things, right? Like just to like, to voter, and he was there for his special. But it is definitely like, he's so talented. He's unbelievable in every genre too, comedy,

everything, acting, he can play sports. Yeah, he was like, I was kinda like, oh shit. Yeah, I love that movie Collateral too. Oh! I went up to him and I was like, hey dude, I just want you to know that I, I watched Booty Call like 300 times. Ha ha ha!

He was like, that's diggin' deep in the well, man. I think it's kinda underrated. I watched it so many, for real, because it was like a perfect, my age when that came out. Yeah, man. I think it's kind of underrated. I watched it so many, for real, because it was like a perfect, like my age when that came out. Yeah, yeah. And then I also remember, it was a kid, 97. Then like the next year, we went on a family cruise,

and at the time, cruise ships would like just replay like four movies. Oh yeah. Booty Call was one of them. So it was so weak. I would just watch Booty Call and every time I went to the room Good review for it though. Did he even gave it a good review? Hell? Yeah movie Ebert's the man black wife Damn yeah booty call was fun

Oh fuck. I was gonna say something about biopics and now I lost. Oh, do you think it like? 40 years will do like a whiz Khalifa like where does it end you know like yeah for every yeah You're gonna have to hit everybody here's a fucking Post Malone and you guys watch Doc's. I'm a huge guy. That was my wreck. I haven't seen you I gotta watch I just watched the Led Zeppelin. Oh, I've heard that's really good Paul Rubens is one Paul Rubens of killer That's watch you watch the bin Laden one. No that one's it's good phenomenal Really what which which stream it's on Netflix

Yeah, I even know it was out that and I would say the the Tylenol murders. I watched that I'll put that was for me was more fascinating because I'm older than you guys But I remember I remember it being like a trivia thing, but have zero memory of any of it. Like, it was just like, oh yeah, that's a crazy story. But seeing them tell the full, full story in the tale was really cool. Just a psycho guy who put cyanide in seven random bottles

and just the country figured it out. That were dying taking Tylenol and they recalled. All of it. All Tylenol dude. Crazy. Which was their, it was their money maker. It was like the biggest product they had. Was it Johnson & Johnson?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Owned the parent, that was the parent company of the company that made it. Yeah. It was the impetus of having to seal exactly every Way that that happened was back when this happened you would just open the bottle and it's just an open bottle with the pills And then that led to like seals. Yeah double seal. Yeah, it's amazing. They pulled through that that nosedive. It's incredible It's a crazy recall. It's incredible. But that's a really interesting story.

It's good. I feel like I've heard that now, but yeah, that's crazy. The Bin Laden one is fascinating in that they lay out things so incredibly well, but they also have, they got such great access. Like Leon Panetta's in it, former CIA director. Oh, nice. People in the high ranking people are like giving you all this like beat by beat insight

and how they're figuring out, because like we, I always feel like it's one of those stories where you're like, yeah, you remember the highlights, you know, but when you watch them in detail review, when they lock in on this compound in Abbottabad and they think they're like, something's going on here, there's two families living in this house's going on here, there's two families living in this house, wait a minute,

there's three families living in this house. And then there's a figure who would pace, they call them the pacer. But they're doing it from like a satellite, and then they use, I forget the term, but it's a term that they use for, if you are walking and the sun hits you at a certain angle, you create your shadow.

They determine by the shadow and the distance from the photograph how tall you are. And when they did that, they were like, oh, they're like, this person is like six, five. He was huge. Right, and so they were like, wow, still couldn't see the face. Wow. It's either him or it's another six, five. He was huge. Right, and so they were like, Wow. Still couldn't see the face. Wow.

It's either him or it's another six foot five. Yeah. It's either him or Grant Hill. Right. It's like, It's like pacing up and down every day. Yeah, was he a pacer? Indiana?

I'm thinking of Halliburton. But yeah, that's crazy. I love, that's old school. They used the sun. It was a sundial hill. Wow. It's a great, it's a great hill's old school. They used the sun. It was a sundial kill. Wow. It's a great one. I'm gonna check them both out.

Did they get into his Whitney Houston obsession? He was obsessed with Whitney Houston. Don't know. Yeah, he loved Whitney Houston. I know they got a lot of porn when he was in his room when they collected everything. They were like, this guy loves fucking barely legal. Yeah, remember when they killed him,

how exciting that was for the country? That was big news. I remember where I was, one of those things, I remember where you were. Oh yeah? Yeah, because we were living in Silver Lake on Hyperion and it was an evening, it was like breaking news at night. The Obamacare.

Yes, he came out and we were like, no, and then you would hear people like, honk, honk, honk. Yeah, yes. Yeah like no and then you would hear people like huh, huh? Yeah Yes, yeah, it was pretty cool. Nice to have a moment where everyone comes together I know we need we need more of those now We just get that with like a tick-tock trend animated films on his hard drive included ants cars He's a Woody Allen guy Broadway Danny Rose Charlie bit my finger was a viral clip Wow

That's cry I can't wait to watch this I watched the Churchill one. I loved it. I watched the Tylenol I'm gonna watch this yeah, there's great World War two was great World War two unbelievable shit But the zeppelin doc you gotta. It could have been nine hours longer. I didn't want it to end. You know, the partying and how they met, they didn't know each other. They just were like, we want to start a band. I remember this guy was a drummer, so they hit him up. Turns out to be the best drummer of all time, John Bonham. And they just got to know each other on the first album. They were just phenoms who happened to link up. That's pretty crazy.

It's crazy. Then they become the biggest band. They outsold the Beatles for a while. Wow. It's insane. Then they, you know, the huge hog on Robert Plant. They just got this front man who happened to be super talented. The whole thing's crazy that it worked out. And they wouldn't do singles and they were great. That's Jesus.

Look at the bulge. That balls too, that's balls too. I'm sure you get some balls. Yeah, there's balls in there. But at the bulge. Balls too. That's balls too. I'm sure you get balls in there. He was the original Chronicle San Francisco. Yeah, he was. He's still out there performing. Yeah, yeah. Plant's still alive. They're still touring.

Bottom died of drinking at 32. Jimmy Page is still alive, right? Yeah, yeah. He's a genius, by the way. Plant was living at least part of the year in Austin for a while really if you put in his name in Austin does it? Come up as it's still living there. I think he's doing kill Tony tomorrow Lived in Austin for a couple yeah, how about that? Damn music scene Wow I can work with that guy get him on the pod or I guess he's gone now But yeah, great dog really interesting and just fun to see the 70s

And there's just the wildness of it, and they show some groupie stuff. It's it's killer They put the work in that's why I love by these guys They're real artists like they really tried to be innovative and make new shit and they were like, the Beatles are too square, we're gonna go harder and it's awesome. Damn, which it's on Netflix. Netflix, yeah. Damn, they're turning it out, man.

I know. This doc streak lately has been really great. Killer, love it. Yeah. So yeah, now you got a show, season two, that's exciting, you gotta get to work. I know, I'm gonna have to wait a little while. We're doing a movie next month.

Jeez! So many irons on the fire. Yeah, and then I go back on tour in the fall, so I'll shoot the special in November and then we'll go back to the writers room for this I think. Holy hell, well and you got a hooch. We got some. Yes, thank you. Good stuff. Thanks brother, thank you so much for this, I think. Holy hell, well, and you got a hooch. Yes, thank you. We got some of those good stuff. Thanks, brother.

Thank you so much. Very nice. Yeah, porousness. We got Brown and White. We got Serena and the husband here. Currently available in Jersey, I think. You know, it's such a thing to get into states. Yes.

So we have it. It's available. Every month, we get like, oh, now you're in South Carolina. Now you're in Illinois. You're in Arizona, California, Texas, but we got into Jersey, so we're available. Nice. If you'd only get rid of Burt,

then we'd really take it off. That's my impression of the internet. But I hope, I hope I am. I texted with Burt, he's a horrible texter. He'll ask me a question and I'll answer it and go, what do you think of this? And he won't respond. I'm like, you started this.

You don't have to fucking tell me. Okay. Yeah, he's the worst texter. But yeah, I'm on tour too. Oh, hell yeah. If you go to tomscure.com slash tour, got a bunch of dates leading up to- Arenas!

Oh yeah, we have a couple. Wow. But then I'm doing a theater tour in the fall dates leading up to the arenas. We, oh yeah, we have a couple. Wow. A couple. But then I'm doing a theater tour in the fall because we're shooting in a theater. The shooting special. Oh. Yeah, we announced it.

It's November 15 in Milwaukee. Oh, that's a great city. I love it. So we're gonna do. Great comedy city. At the Riverside Theater. Nice. Hell yeah.

All right, Go to that. Excited to do that. What's that, your 13th hour? I mean, what are we on here? I think that's six specials. Damn! You were one of the first, I know you've covered it, but you were one of the first Netflix crazy takeoff specials. Well, I was at, so Burr had done it, but what they were saying was they were like, yeah it's been really good for Burr. That was what they said at the time.

I was like, okay. They were like, so this guy who's like, like at the time you're like, he's great, kind of worked for him, great. Right. So, it was definitely not like what it became. Yeah. Like, it was 2013 and they were like,

yeah they have like 38 million subscribers, but it keeps growing. Yeah. And I was like, does it? Yeah. You know what I mean, it wasn't like the, you weren't. So you were kinda hesitant about Netflix.

Oh, it was a consolation prize, yes. Wow. Because the goal was Comedy Central. Wow. Wow. And I had been was Comedy Central. Wow. Wow. And I had been on Comedy Central. Crazy. Like I had a relationship. I did Live at Gotham.

I did this mashup show. I did a presents. I was like, I wanna do an hour. Like that was the goal. And then getting on there, I was like, they're like, because they're like Comedy Central turned it down. Oh, interesting.

I was like, all right. And they're like, but you can be on Netflix. And I was like, cool. Yeah, hilarious. Yeah, and then now they have 300 million subscribers, Netflix though. Woo, global, baby. Yeah, it's pretty crazy the way it changed.

But remember, like, Comedy Central was everyone's goal. Of course, of course. HBO before that even. Yeah, yeah. But HBO kind of seemed untouchable because their model was are you a superstar? Yeah. You know, it was like Robin Williams,

Carlin, Chris Rock. Right. Seinfeld. Yeah, that was it. They only played in that arena at that time. So it was like Comedy Central felt accessible. Yes. But also great because like Attelle was there

and they played the shit out of your special. Oh yeah yeah for a while that by the time we had hours on there They were like it was like one and done. Yeah, yeah, I need to do three edits. I remember doing Oh, yeah, it was like they're like we have the extended version. That's 50 minutes 55 minutes Yeah, I have the 50 minutes in the 42. Yeah Cutting lines and jokes. I know Something that made me so crazy and I'm like, all right. So you're just like cutting lines and jokes for the commercials. I know, for the commercials. One time they did something that made me so crazy. And nobody really cared, because they were like, okay. But it was on, I forget if it was the half hour,

I think it might have been the half hour or one of the other stand-up shows. Maybe it was the live at Gotham. Dude, they took on their, like there was no like, you're involved. Yeah, yeah. You just shot it and left. They took the setup of one joke and the punchline of another.

Ah, that should be illegal. Oh my God. This doesn't even make any sense. Yeah. And they were like, oh yeah, sorry. I'm like, what do you mean you're sorry? This makes no sense. This is my career.

Yeah, I know. So what the hell is the next thing? Or, cause I watched the YouTube video on Netflix is like bigger than Earth, it's gonna take over everything, it's gonna eat everything that tries to compete with it. Can it be beaten? Is there, I know you're on there,

so I don't wanna scare you, but can it be toppled? Is there another thing that could actually rival it in eyeballs? History teaches us anything, like everything is temporary. I exactly. Everything, like, I'm not saying that it's AI, but it goes back to like what we started where,

like you can't ignore things, like technology jumps, especially in payment. Like, I understand the thing where people were like, we don't want AI to write our stuff and perform it. And you're like, yeah, for sure. But it's still here and you better learn about it. Because you're gonna have to figure something out. I don't know the answer.

I just know that it's part of what we're doing. And then, yeah, business is all about competition. So, you know, that's what Hulu got big into the standups because they're competing. Amazon, everyone's competing. So, I mean Netflix knows that, they know how business works. Oh yeah.

They're the big dogs, so they're gonna be aggressive. And the end of this whole thing is always like, the best material, like content if you wanna call it, is gonna always draw the most eyeballs, right? So, the only way you could defeat a giant would be like, oh, there's this other place, and we're doing amazing things. Right.

Look, Apple had some huge shows. They had some huge shows, yeah. If you make something good, I hope I'm not just being optimistic, but I think people will find it. Yeah, I hope you're right. Sometimes things kind of fall under the radar, you know? And you're like, that's a great show.

Like I remember Zero Zero Zero. You ever saw it? Never heard of it. Fucking, it's so good. And it's on Amazon. Really? I still think about it. I saw it years ago and it's so fucking good.

Yeah, it came out during the pandemic. What? Yeah, this show's amazing. What, is it like a spy show? So, dude, this show follows. Because I feel like one of the things that happens with it is when you start to describe it, you're like, oh, it's like another one of those,

and you're like, it's not another one of those. It's so, it's so much better. So it's the same creator who did Gamora, that Italian mob style show. And he did this, and it follows like a shipping family, like a family that does like massive container shipments. This, the Italian mafia, but not like the, not Sicilian, like a Northern Italian mafia, but not Sicilian, like a Northern Italian mafia family,

and then cartel people, but all the stories are interconnected. And dude, they shoot this show in like, I mean, on location in Louisiana, in Mexico, in Northern Italy, in North Africa, you're like, what is the fucking budget of this show? If you watch the show, you're like, there was stories that it was a $300 million budget,

which I believed at the time. I learned later, I met somebody who was friends with the line producer, and they were like, no, it was not that, but they just made the most of what they had, but it's just a really, like the writing and the storytelling and the acting is tremendous. It's a really good show. That's a good wreck.

And it's a one and done, the guy, like everyone when this ended, they're like, oh we want season two. He's like, I always made it to be a standalone. Oh, hell yeah. I love shit like that. Is that cocaine on the cover there? Yeah, and that's what 000 is in reference to.

It's like the most purified. Oh, got it, not cut with anything. Amazon does have some good shit. But it's like a sneak, like a sleeper awesome show. Never heard of it, now I'm interested. They got Sam special on there, check that out. Thank you. Yeah, another sleeper.

They have, I mean, I thought Slow Horses was a pretty sick spy show on Apple. I love it. It's great. Yeah. And he is just. Yeah, he's fun. Gary Oldman.

He's incredible. Oh, he's always good. It's funny, it's legit funny as well as being awesome. Yeah. It's a great show. Very funny. All right, we'll get some poros. So see Tom on tour, go see, or check out his show,

Bad Thoughts on Netflix, check out Two Bears. Red Bank, July 12th, Count Basie Theater, albeit the Wilbur August 7th, albeit in LA at the Irvine Improv, October 22nd through 24th, and then OKC after that, and then Vegas. Then I'm doing a club in Rochester. Oh, Chicago Theater October 4th, that's a fun one.

The best. I love it, yeah, Winnipeg, Casino of the Night after that. That'll humble you. I'll go through to a casino. Bring a little Gary to that one too. Then we got Salt Lake City November 14th through 16th, then Carnegie Hall December 4th. Woo! I think always. Hell yeah.

Love you guys. Big stuff. Big stuff. Samorail.com slash shows or punchup.live slash Samorail, punchup.live slash Mark Normand. Yes. I'm doing that. Are you on Punch Up?

I think so. Punchup.live slash Tom Segura. Check it out. I'm at the Melody Tent, which is kind of a crazy venue for me, so come on by that. Then we're at the. Oh, you're going overseas, bro. Yeah. Foxwoods, Benz, New Zealand, Australia. We're adding shows in Sydney and Melbourne and

Adelaide. So that's cool. Then I'm in the Hamptons. That's a beach trip. Calgary for the great outdoors. Vegas, Dallas. And that's good enough for a while. Fucking gel, Australia's so cool. I love it. Third time going. They're the best. Big fan. Great. I always say Australia's America in the 80s. They never got annoying, they never got queefy, they still do blow, the girls are skinny. It's great. Yeah. Alright, we'll see you all in hell. Thanks a lot.

Weave it up in a rip wardy And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be drunk