We Might Be Drunk - Ep 24: Ochota

Episode Date: May 23, 2021

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We might be drunk, we might be drunk, as long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit, pep heaps, wrecks, and a bit, maybe drunk. We might be drunk, yeah. Hey, hey folks, here we are. We might be drunk episode. Who knows what? We've been drinking. We're all over the road. You're back from a flight. I'm leaving tomorrow on a jet plane.

Love that song. Great tune. You ever see the movie The Guard? No. It's John Michael McDonough made it. It's Brendan Gleeson and Don Cheadle. Oh, wow. I think it's one of the best comedies the last 20 years. it. It's Brendan Gleeson and Don Cheadle. Oh, wow. I think it's one of the best comedies the last 20 years.

What? It's amazing. How have I never heard of this? Martin McDonough's brother, who wrote like in Bruges. Oh, yeah. They're related. I don't know if they're brothers. That's a great movie, too.

That's a great movie. It's that tone, kind of. It's like a dark comedy. That's good. Brendan Gleeson, dude. Yeah, witty dialogue. That guy's a hell of an actor. But they play Levin in the jet plane for the credits, and it's like a great use of it.leeson, dude. Yeah, witty dialogue. That guy's a hell of an actor. But they play Leaving in the Jet Plane for the credits,

and it's like a great use of it. Uh-huh, yeah. Even the Bjork one is good. I haven't heard that one. Oh, man, that's how you know it's a good song, when the Bjork version is still killer. Is Bjork not good? Well, it's a bit much.

Yeah, we get it. You're weird. I just don't know the work at all. She shows up to, oh, boy, that's a good pour there, huh? Well, I mean, who are we kidding here? Yeah, we get it. You're weird. I just don't know the work at all. She shows up to, oh boy, that's a good pour there, huh? Well, I mean, who are we kidding here? Yeah, good point. It's two in the morning. I don't even know what day it is.

It's my pick, so we're doing another weird natty wine. I like it. She cheers it up. I'm learning a lot here. I feel like you're trying to fuck me with these cool wines. You're trying to show off. I just like mixing it up. No, mix it up.

I come in here with a bottle of hooch and whiskey and all this. That's fucking good, dude. Oh, that is amazing. I'm not a huge wine guy, and I like it. This natural wine got me in because it's so funky. You never know what it's going to taste like. And this guy, Ochote, he just passed away. He was a winemaking legend from Australia.

Wow. 49 years old. Oh, my God. That's so sad. Wine making legend. How cool is that? Yeah. So I was at the store a while back

and the guy was like, you got to get this because it's our last bottle and this stuff is going to be really hard to find because he just passed away. Wow. Good eggs. Man,

if I was a lady, I'd be fucking into you now. You're more important. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it. You'll appreciate it. You're a drinker Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it. You'll appreciate it. You're a drinker.

This is really good, and it's thin. It's a thinner wine, which I like. Sometimes wine, they get the wooden tongue, the purple teeth. If you were a lady, I'd say, you're thin. Somebody get me a towel to sit on. You're really charming the pants. This is good stuff, man. Really good. You have a good night where

i ran in you at the stand you were filming filming some stuff i don't want to i don't want to give it away but uh we're working on a cool video idea based on another video idea it's it's quirky it's weird it's different it's outside the box it's an ochata of comedy it's gonna die no it seemed like people were loving it when i was there yeah It's going to die. No, it seemed like people were loving it when I was there. Yeah, it's going well. It's going well. It's a whole new weird thing I'm trying, and that was it.

I'm not changing my act. I'm not becoming one of these weirdo ukulele guys. You're going to start beatboxing on stage. I'm like, damn it, this guy, he's changed. Yeah, people always try to add a new thing with an easel or beat or beatboxing it's like i don't know just do the act yeah it's i mean i the easel at least dimitri martin was like really creative with it like i get to like those one-liner guys feel like they have to add something yeah definitely even stephen wright had a guitar sometimes. Yeah, and Hedberg had the- The Chuck. Yeah. Chuck in the back. Stanhope had a guitar.

He did? On one of them. Yeah, one of the albums had a guitar. Something to take the edge off. But he didn't have it. No, no, no, but he had, I think it was Henry Phillips playing it. And it was that Bobby Barnett story, which is amazing. Amazing.

Henry Phillips, look him up too. He's hilarious. So funny. Punching the Clowns is movie. Great movie. A lot of our friends are in that. Yeah. Always amazes me when a guy's like, I'm a comic, but I've always wanted to make a movie,

and he just makes a movie. That's so cool. I don't have that in me. You do. You were getting filmed tonight. What are you talking about? But that's like, hey, me and this guy have an idea. We go shoot it.

Sitting down, writing the script, and then getting the actors together. I mean, that is a whole to-do. You know what you need is someone. You need like a guy who's really organized to help you write it. Yes. Because you'd have great ideas, but you need someone who's just like, Mark, sit down. Right, right. That's what you need.

Yeah, and that's why money is great. Like we have a little more money than we used to. So this guy's like, hey, I'm going to come film you here. And I was like, oh, I got to book travel. Can you book it and I'll just give you money? And he's like, sure, then I'll just give him an extra couple bucks because he booked it and I need to pay him the money for it. That's a good point. Yeah, there is something about having someone else.

I mean, I wrote a show with a guy who's a veteran who knew how to do this shit. And I was like, oh, I wouldn't have known how to do this. Oh, it's huge. And then you start to understand improv and sketch. There's a whole team there. It must be nice. I mean, I don't want an improv troupe following me around. But it's got to be nice to have a little backup.

I would love to write a movie. I think that'd be awesome. Really? Yeah, why not, man? I tried in college, and i got like 40 pages in then you start going oh i don't know if this makes sense what's the what's uh act two what's act three what's the arc what's the you because you need a guy who's like a prime whose primary thing is writing scripts to write with you exactly and then you just you'd have it right that's why so many

people write it's like it'll be like screenplay and it's like four names yeah that's true i always wondered about that well a lot of times i guess it's like two people who wrote it and then like another two are like we co-wrote it but they just like changed like four lines yeah but they're more famous right and then there's teleplay yeah script i don't know what any of that screenwriting written by there's always all these weird little terms i never know you i think you'd write a great script i appreciate it i like the dialogue part but that's what your act is it's like someone you have that rodney dangerfield thing where someone like sets you up to say the funny thing yeah i can do the dialogue i bet but the actual uh character development and then the arc of the

story and then has to be a conflict and a resolution that's the part that kills me yeah the the story structure which you are a story you're great at stories i don't think i am i mean you got some i mean you put it at the end of your act for a reason i mean it's a big well it's hard to follow yeah that's true it's not just like it's like you're burying yourself it's hard to be doing like a lot of jokes and then tell a long story and then go right back into jokes that's true that's true in terms of rhythm you're just they're just like wait what but you got that white knight man that that's your white whale i mean you would text me at 4 a.m this is four years in the making like maybe this is the ending maybe that's the ending and i was like oh that's not bad

and then two years later maybe this is the ending and i just pictured you with a fucking uh cigar sitting in an ashtray you got a bottle of bourbon like, ah, this white knight story. Look that up. What special is that on? It's the end of I Got This. Yes. It's a closer. That's funny.

I remember Colin Quinn being like, huh. I was running angles by him. And he's like, no, that doesn't work. I remember running it by people. What do I do? I can't figure this out. Yeah. I picture you like a beautiful mind.

You got a huge chalkboard in your bedroom. And you're just just like ah i can't crack it it was tough stories are tough but they take a lot of work they take a lot of work i would think of this story there's a story about leonard cone like i relate so much to this story in terms of like how hard it is for me to write something i like yeah uh but he met uh bob, that's crazy. Or something like that. And he was like, oh, you wrote this song I love. And Bob Dylan's like, oh, you wrote a song. Like, I love Hallelujah. How long did it take you to write it?

He's like, five years. And he goes, you wrote this song. Like, how long did that take you? And he goes, oh, it was like 30 minutes. Oh, isn't that crazy? But I relate to the five years where you just agonize. Of course, of course, yeah. Because that bit took me forever.

I just had to shelf it and just say, I'll come back to it in like two years. You've got to step back every now and then because you get lost in it. It's just like it consumes you, and you can't see it clearly because you're in the middle of it. You've got to get out of it and look at it for what it is. Yeah, you'd be a great story person. You just stick to jokes, though. Yeah, I stick to jokes.

I worry. I mean, if I have a joke with a setup that's a little bit longer than my normal setups, I feel like I'm losing them. Then you see one girl go pee and you're like, oh, I'm fucked. She's gone. What would your therapist say, though? He'd be like, they're connecting you. I know.

I know. Although that might not be true of some of these strip malls. Sometimes they're just like, nah, I just want to check a text. There's a long bit. I was in Miami a few weeks ago, and if you have two syllables extra they are doing a rail off the table you know they gotta they're ordering a drink they're they're blowing somebody it was it was tough they're getting a jet ski online you know so like that was that miami is like you gotta you have a tight act i had a i had a gig in spokane the friday early show They were just animals.

Just truly animals. They drink out there. Yeah, they really do. The rest of the weekend, they were good. But this one show, I'll do a thing sometimes where I'm like, give me a topic. I'll riff on it the way that set list show works. Yeah. All right, if I can riff on this.

You do that to the crowd? Sometimes, yeah. Whoa. At the end of shows, because I try to come up with bits. Sure, sure. And if I'm bored with the jokes, I just do that. And usually I'll get good, and I'll try to write jokes about stuff so I can kind of be like, let me try to slide this joke in, let me slide this joke in.

Yeah. But they're just yelling all at the same time. Oh, yeah. You know this isn't working. Right, right. But they're just so drunk, they're like, do my thing. Do me. Interact with me.

It's so funny how that works like we have all these tight jokes that are tried and true and tested just tonight i was bombing i did an outdoor show which is i think i'm done with i'm giving up outdoor shows cold turkey it's horrible i walk up to the stand and there's like an ambulance going by while someone's on stage i'm like i think we're good yes i think we got this yeah my it was for the comic by the way we both have the same joke uh yeah it's a nightmare and i did it tonight and it's the last one i'm putting my foot down but uh and i'm stepping in shit on the sidewalk i'm done with it but uh a lady was filming me this asian girl was filming me and i was like ah ma'am could you just not do that? I know a guy who just got his career ruined by saying an Asian joke.

I'm trying to hold back. Could you put the camera away? Yada, yada. And she was cool about it. She's like, oh, sorry, sorry. But it's just that was killing harder than my act because it's in the moment. It's right there. You could see her.

You got the context. And they knew the story, all of them. Some of them did. Yeah. I mean, he's a comedy fan. Probably half of them knew. But I was still zinging and zanging a little. But that, they were like, oh, shit, this is crazy, because it's a moment. Instead of just the other day, I was at the store, and you kind of get into that joke rhythm.

Right. And then it's like a lullaby almost. Right. But yeah, she was nice. Yeah, that's good. Where were you this weekend baltimore right yes that's right yeah baltimore it was great we sold it all it's so funny i mean i don't want to get too in the weeds of comedy but i get a text on on tuesday hey man you got

to start promoting tickets are rough and then i did that la run bob Lee and Chris D and all these other Marin sold out out of the show sold out so incredible podcast they work they were also my mom heard you on Marin you got you got you got the the the bump Sam Rell's mom I'll take it she knows comedy she she loves comedy and she was she was like that was a hell of an it she listens to marin constantly it's so funny that my mom listens to marin but she'll be like she'll say like god he's such a narcissist and he's so full of himself and he's so you know damaged and it's like but you like the show she's like he's a great interviewer he is great he i mean he loves the show i was in the middle you've done it yeah i was in the middle of it going wow he's good like in the middle of talking home thinking this guy's good he's pulling it out he brought it he brought it extra because of you though i think well you were bringing it i

think i was bringing it it makes him bring it and you're like a foot away from it's that tiny wooden table you're in his basement did you zoom it or you know i was there okay because joe list it was a big deal when i was there it was like peak covid oh wow and they were like will you go and i was like yeah ah it's baron yeah it was when I was still at the peak paranoia of it. But that's the thing about these people shit on Marin. He's a narcissist. He's a cunt. He's prickly.

But that's why it's a good show in a weird way. He is a legend. And I do respect him a lot. Definitely. Definitely. I mean, I listened to him before I did comedy and enjoyed it. I mean, he's done like 40 Conans or something. He also recorded two albums at the club I performed at over the weekend,

Laughs, in Seattle. Is that right? So Laughs is formerly, it was first called Giggles. Then it became a strip club. They just took the G off and called it Jiggles. Giggles to Jiggles, back to Giggles. Yeah. And now it's Laughs.

And it was a good weekend. Yeah, that's a real mom and pop kind of neighborhood club, too. It's like right in the residential area. I like that room. Have you ever done Seattle the City? I did the Tacoma Underground. No, wait. The Underground.

Seattle Underground. Really? I didn't do a weekend there, but I did a couple spots there. And it was good. Yeah, it's like a classic room. Yeah, but I mean, it was like heroin all around it. Yeah, I heard that guy likes to dance with the, you know what. Oh, yeah, the white horse.

Yeah, the old yam-yam. But Seattle doesn't really have clubs. I know, it's a major city, and they got Amazon there now, so it's like you'd think they'd be booming with clubs. I mean, you just feel the wealth gap in that city. There's literally like 40 homeless people, and then like three dudes fly by in a hovercraft. And you're like, what the hell? I know.

I know. But the beauty of it is it's all white. So like, look at that white piece of shit. Look at that rich guy. And they're all the same. So you don't feel bad. There's color involved. You're like, oh, we got to help these people.

You know, that's true. It is weird. But it's like, you know what it feels like? feels like you're like one corner's dawn of the dead the next corner is like star trek or something yeah it's so true it's really and it's like weed is legal there oh yeah there's weed everywhere that you smell it everywhere yeah yeah it's so so many thrift stores yeah mike lawrence said this great joke He's like, I love Seattle because you have so many strains of weed and lesbian. And you're like, that is such a perfect Seattle line. I opened with one that hit where I said, man, I saw a homeless guy smoking weed.

And I was like, do you need to be hungrier? Yeah, we'll work for munchies. Yeah, Seattle was great, though. I've never done a weekend there. No, it's a great town. Good, smart audiences, too. Like, they get it. They're comedy people.

I think sometimes those kind of hipstery towns, like Portland or Seattle, will overcompensate and like the dark stuff. Because they know they have that crunchy reputation. Dead on. Yeah yeah i think you're totally right and yeah i mean i remember i used to have a bit about like a gator the gator bit about the baby getting eaten and uh i worked it out in portland and it bombed every show there was a seven minute chunk where i bombed every show and i wouldn't i wouldn't stop doing i was like i i thought by the end of the weekend i was was like, I think I have to drop it. Whoa.

And then I went to Tampa. And boy, did they restore my confidence. That's funny because that has over a million views on YouTube. A lot of them are hate. Oh, really? Yeah. That's the bit I've gotten the most threats over. I mean, that's Howard Stern.

He's like, yeah, 60% of my views are people hate me, but it has views. Yeah. It's tough because I do feel like I'm mocking the woman who was outraged more than the baby. I feel like I made one joke about the baby and that outraged someone. Right. And the joke was really pretty tame, but then- That's a good point. But then the woman got outraged, so I mocked her for like seven minutes.

Yeah. And people were like, he's making fun of a dead baby. I'm like, I don't really feel like I am, but you know. They don't listen. They just know the subject matter. Hey, the crocodile ate a kid.

Are you doing a joke by that? You're like, no, you got to listen. Yeah, well, she tried to kind of, and she tried to like get me fired for,

it was a new joke. Obviously, it was like a brand new news story. I wrote it like that day. Yeah. And then she was like, he should not be allowed to work there. i was mocking her i mean it's all yeah that's it that's all it is folks you gotta listen if you try to get me fired i should at the very

least get to mock you in a comedy special yes here here for doing comedy in a comedy club what do you want lady the marin interview was so good that you told these stories man like i mean the story about getting near mugged in the east village i know true story and you're right i gotta do it on stage at some point gotta do it on stage because it's so fascinating that fascinating saved your ass yeah it's got everything it's got layers because like i judged them i didn't judge this guy and i was completely wrong can't judge a book for those you know i'll give you a quick version i came home but i used to live in crown heights rough area. And I saw five guys on the corner shooting dice, drinking 40s, you know, out of a movie, like central casting.

You know, the cardboard on the ground, you know, jumping up and down, going nuts, rap music playing. You know, I sound like an old man. They had the hippity hop playing and these smoking jazz cigarettes. But so I was like, all right, I'm going to just cross the street. And then an older guy is coming towards me. I think he was on PCP or something. He just picks me up. He tried to get my iPod.

He slammed me against the business. These guys come over, beat the shit out of him. I'm talking like kick him in the face and crazy shit. And then I ran home and I got away with it. And the cop said said those are drug dealers that can't have a white kid getting fucked up in the neighborhood so they had to step in wow yeah and that was uh that has layers that story yeah that was 2007 in new york city back when it you know had some edge it's funny that you have a uh like this fucked up thought you know you kind of

profile yeah and then you get saved by them. I mean, there's absolutely layers there. Like to have a bad thought and then to be saved. Completely the opposite, yeah. I thought they were going to hurt me. They saved me. This guy, yeah. But then they're still dealers.

Yeah, so you got that too. So it's like, yeah. So are they heroes? Are they not heroes? Yeah, it's fascinating. It's like life, baby. It's complex. You got that right. Kind of like this red right they not heroes? Yeah, it's fascinating. It's like life, baby. It's complex. You got that right.

Kind of like this red right here, Mark. Yeah, full bodied. Very complex. Heavy. Goes down easy. You never got mugged? You're from here. You never got mugged?

My brother did. Oh, really? I never did, no. Was it bad? No, they stole his watch. It was like nothing. It was like a shitty watch. Gun or anything?

Knife. Ooh, old school. Yeah, no, no i never got i got fucked with i never got mugged i just i'd run away yeah well that's the move yeah fucked with like let's get guys like guys like corner me and talking shit oh yeah i gotta just get away wow poor little sam with a backpack on um i'm thinking when it happened no i was just like a sweater i was like it was like a fleece or something that was it yeah like he's a little white kid fuck this kid right and they fuck with me and uh nothing happened though my brother got mugged and he wasn't even that worried about it you know he's like he's like it happens my brother my brother's my brother's pretty chill like yeah i mean he works for the da's office he's like oh wow he's like a legit

like chill kind of he hates like he's not he's so left he's so far left in his views and everything and he's so um like he's he's a great guy but he's also like very uh he's always been against corruption you know interesting like he used to work for the ccrb the civilian complaint review board was like corrupt cops and shit and yeah now he's a da's office like he's all about stopping corrupt people this feels like a like a tnt show man that's crazy morelli and aisles yeah yeah my brother's the exact same way that's so funny we were so my mom was freaked out because she was like i didn't realize like mark and you are like have similarities oh yeah oh yeah we really like i think we have the same issue we've talked about it where we're like i think a lot of comics like don't feel seen like it's beyond it's not like we

didn't get the attention it's that we didn't feel seen like you are such an example of that to me because even in the marathon you're talking about how you know you're at this like you know you're at this public high school then you're at the catholic high school yes and like either way like that's not neither of those are really you right right exactly you didn't really fit in it either. Yeah, plus workaholic parents, military, ex-military parents, not a lot of hugging, not a lot of loving. And then my dad is so fucked up. Like, your dad was gone, but my dad was. I was raised by my dad.

I have a dad. You had, like, a non-biological dad. Yeah, but he adopted me, like, when I was seven. Oh, that's nice. He's a lawyer, so he wanted, like, I want to legally adopt you. Wow. I want to take you to a courtroom. I want it to be legal.

I want you to be my son. Great guy. I love him. And the brother, too, I want to legally adopt you. Wow. I want to take you to a courtroom. I want it to be legal. I want you to be my son. Great guy. I love him. And the brother, too, I assume. No, that's his biological son. Oh, so it's a happy. He had two kids. My siblings are step-siblings.

Ah. It's sad. I'm learning all this on a pod. I know. Well, the problem with you is we've talked for, like, eight hours at a time. So I've definitely told you this shit before, but we're usually drinking. Yeah. Well, now it's good it's on tape.

I can review the tape. This is going to be episode 64. Wait, so you have a half brother? I think I did know that. I think I did know that. You definitely knew that. I've told you this shit a million times, but we've spent so much time talking that a lot of shit just gets pushed out.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And we're writing jokes. We're on the road. We're meeting weird people. Yeah, there's a lot to hold on to. But was there ever friction? Like, you're not my real brother kind of shit?

Yeah, there was friction. Oh, really? Not really as much with us as there was, I think, my mom. There was a little more friction because they already had a mom who wasn't. So it's understandable. Like, it's weird for me. Like, my mom in the house represents stability. And, like, that's the only person i'd ever like known sure and then for them it's like it's a new figure

who's like a threatening figure of course i think so authority it took a while they were not warm for a long time so that was i think tough i think i think blended families no one it's so it's so common now but like the nuclear family is kind of a thing of the past it's sad but true yeah like my gal is pushing marriage and i'm like i don't know melanie uh bezos uh gates i mean the writing's on the wall sister and they're like successful people but in six years you're dating olivia munn i'm like you're like i told you you did this to me well at least it's a happy ending but uh yeah boy john's got some big shoes to fill aaron rogers chris pine the other guy yeah chris pine is one hot man that is like i'm i'm straight but i see that dude and i'm like fuck i mean hell or high water he's almost too hot that it's it takes you out of it you're so

right i had the same thought like he plays this like poor bank robber yeah and his hair is incredible i know beautiful hair the the the sweat on the forehead he's got the you know the shine He plays this poor bank robber. Yeah. And his hair is incredible. I know. Beautiful hair. The sweat on the forehead. He's got the shine from the sun. He's tan. He is a gorgeous man. Yeah, he is a gorgeous man. Gorgeous man.

He's also a great actor. Great actor. Dude, Hell of High Water is one of the best movies of the last 20 years. Dude, so good. I mean, it was a little archetype-y. You know, the crazy brother. The brother with the heart of gold. It was a little bit of that,

but it still worked. It worked, and Bridges is incredible, and the dialogue's great, and the bank robbery scenes were actually legit scary. Yeah, yeah, and then Jeff Bridges is the fun chief, like police chief over the top. Incredible. Incredible. Great movie. I love Jeff Bridges so much. chief, like police chief over the top. Incredible. Great movie.

I love Jeff Bridges so much. That was up for Best Picture, I believe. I think so. And Ben Foster is the crazy brother, right? Oh, he is so good. That dude's just totally the artsy actor. I know. He's so good in everything.

He's my favorite kind of actor where you don't really see him on the red carpet. He's not trying to do all the bullshit Hollywood hubbub glitz and glamour. He's like, I just want to be a good actor and do great roles and do good work. He's so good, though. You're right. I saw that with Ryan Hamilton in the theater. He's like my New York movie buddy because we always end up living nearby. Oh, yeah.

And we kept turning to each other like, wow. I love seeing a movie with a friend. We just keep turning to each other like, wow. Yeah. I used to just stay up to each other like, wow. Yeah. I used to just stay up late when I was younger and watch movies. And you get a couple of duds every now and then. But every now and then you come across a movie like that at like 1 in the morning. You're like, should I watch it?

I'll be up till 3. Fuck it. Let's do it. You have a Rice Krispie treat, a fucking beer in your hand. And you're like, woo. Damn. crispy treat a fucking beer in your head and you're like whoa damn when it's a great movie it is just you alone in your quiet living room just deep entrenched in this plot and story it's a beautiful thing the rice crispy treat wow you just nailed it the best childhood snack

they got a little greedy with the chocolate rice crispy treat it's like we didn't need it we're good yeah this is karen this is pulling its own weight you know how good the rice krispie treat is they sell it at starbucks which is like this kind of cutesy artsy uh coffee shop they have jazz playing and everything and then blonde roast i still got a rice krispie treat in there by the register but they put it in the clear wrapper to be like look at this this is a fancy rice krispie. I'm fine with the blue wrapper. Yes. Yeah, I'm fine with that too. And a cheap one is good and an expensive one is good. Sometimes they're like this big and it's a perfect square, you know, like at the diners or whatever.

Man, that is an underrated treat. It's weird that it's got a sluttier attire in the fancier place. Oh, the clear wrapper. Yeah. It's like a see-through dress. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting. But it is a damn good. I mean, yeah, as a kid, that was probably my wrapper. Yeah. It's like a see-through dress. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting.

But it is a damn good. I mean, yeah, as a kid, that was probably my favorite. Same. I don't know if it got better than a Rice Krispie treat. And you could make it, and you're with your mom, and you're stirring the shit, and you eat some of the raw part before it goes in, and you got to wait for it, the anticipation. That was good stuff. So good.

Yeah. Were there any other, like, what's your movie go-to treats i'm a reese's guy i'm all the way reese's pieces reese's peanut butter cup the mini cup but i also like a milk dud milk that's a good i love the the box i love how it's that that cardboard box you can shake it how many i got left you pour it in oh i like a box how about the people when they dump the treat in the popcorn? I don't know about that. That's like the autoerotic asphyxiation of childhood movie going snacks.

It's too much. It's too much. The popcorn's good. The candy's good. You don't need to combine them. You know? Yeah, it's intense. I don't, it's okay.

But yeah, it's a little, I'm good. Popcorn's good, but I never have. Movie popcorn's the best. Buttery movie popcorn, but you never feel good after never never well you're just like shoveling it in you know it's so unnecessary and it's so buttery and it's so good and it's so good and then you're like wiping that seat down with your hands you know we've all done it the movie theater i mean i i know it's a a relic of the past there's some 22 year old going huh well i go to the arc light you know it's uh iic of the past. There's some 22-year-old going, huh? I go to the Arclight. You know, I get a beer.

I get a steak. And I'm like, you know, they're reclining and shit. They got a candle. That ain't what it is. It's all about throwing the shit on the ground. Rusty seats. They crinkle. And they got holes in them.

That was what it was all about. I do kind of like the reclining seats. I kind of like it, too. But we went through the hardship. We earned it. These guys got it right away. I used to have a joke about how I saw the movie 12 Years a Slave in one of those reclining seat moves.

That's great. Where the waiter would come in. It's like the time you really feel bad. He's like, can I get you anything? I'm like, you've done plenty. One of my greatest memories, I saw The Departed twice at Alamo Draft House. I was living in San Antonio for a year. It was a wild movie.

Whoa. I never knew you lived in San Antonio. I was shooting. I was failing out of college, basically. And my dad's like, I know a guy in the movie business. You can be like a PA or a gopher on this movie set. It was like a B movie called From Mexico with Love. Look it up if you want.

Give it a goog. And it never went anywhere. Anyone in it that you know? One of the and it never went anywhere in it do you know one of the guys from scar faces in it and uh one of the guys from animal how that guy mcgill mcgill brian mcgill this guy was like the next big thing this hot mexican guy he never went anywhere but uh kuno becker i think that was his name but yeah i was uh i was just a gopher like get the coffee get this and it was a it was a fantastic learning experience yeah, I was just a gopher, like get the coffee, get this. And it was a fantastic learning experience and like a wild time.

We'd go to strip clubs and it was Texas. And I had to live on a guy's couch for like a year. And I remember I was banging this PA girl with me. And she was like this hot Mexican chick named Sophia. And it was just a wild time. But I forgot my point. How'd we get to this? Movies?

Oh, oh yeah. I would go watch, I was so obsessed with, I went to film school and I was so obsessed with movies so my dad was trying to get me like on some kind of track. Like you're a loser, you're a bum.

You know, you're failing out of college, you barely made it out of high school, like go be on these movie sets. And I was like, I'll take it, okay. And it was an adventure, but I would go watch movies when we had time off at the Alamo draft house.

And it was like a beer and you could have like a, you know, enchiladas while watching departed. It was a highlight of my life. It is good. I mean, I I'm still like a classic, like candy with the movie guy,

but like, I like the movie theaters where they're like, well, like there's one fucking closed down Upper West Side, classic movie theater, 60-something street, Broadway. They would always have like the foreign films, the Woody Allen films, the indie films. Yes.

And they serve cashews. That's how you know you're getting a good movie, when they've got cashews at the snack bar. Was that the Sunshine or the Angelica? No, no, those are both downtown. Oh, those are uptown. This is in the 60s, yeah. Sunshine and Angelica.

Angelica's great, But the problem with that is It's right by the 6 train So every once in a while You'll be in a pivotal scene In a movie And you just hear a train go by Like man That really fucked

With the suspense there That was rough That's hilarious You hope you're watching Pelham 1, 2, 3 So it kind of Can match up maybe But yeah

That is tough Damn You know what I love In New York And this is off topic I mean that movie stuff Was magical But You know what i love in new york and this is this is off topic i mean that movie stuff was magical but you know what i'm seeing a lot i live in the west village and sixth avenue goes right by my house it's like a big thoroughfare or boulevard whatever you want to call it and i'm seeing a lot of like kids i'm talking 15 16 on bikes mini bikes scooters uh

mopeds and they're like like, doing wheelies. And there's, like, 20 of them, 30 of them. Yeah. Going down 6th Avenue, cutting in between cars, popping wheelies, and everybody's like, oh! You know, these old ladies are holding their purse, and it's, like, street kids, you know? And it's, like, diverse and black and white and Hispanic and Asian,

and they're all, like, kind of dirty and fucked up. I love that shit. Yeah, they're like the new warriors. They're like the warriors. It is pretty cool. They all go, chee, chee, chee, which I don't know what that means,

but I watch them, and everybody hates them because they're ruining the village, I guess, but I like it because they're not on the internet. They're not talking about cancel culture or retweeting or TikTok-ing. These kids are out there shirtless

doing wheelies with a chain wallet and torn pants. I love it. They're living life and they're actually going to get stories. Yes. Yes. You don't get any stories. What did you do in your 20s?

Peaky blinders? No, these guys actually have, they're going to have stories. Yeah. That's kind of cool. They'll rob us at one point. I'm sure they'll, they'll put a knife to our neck, but I like that there's still some- While I'm watching Peaky Blinders on my phone. Fuck, take it here.

Full circle, yeah. But I just like this. I'm sure these kids are delinquents and hooligans, but they got some life in them, and it feels like the youth is so watered down and like, hey, don't fat shame or whatever, which I get. I don't want you to be mean, but these kids are like living, you know? And they're probably going back and fingering a girl and drinking a 40. And I don't know.

It just seems it's a relief to see some kids. They're going to kidnap one of the new Hearst girls. But other than that, no, you're right. There at least have a – there's like an energy and an originality. Yes. There's adventurism in there. I don't know if that's a word i don't know either event this they have they have adventurousness hey is that a word i mean that's a good scrabble word if it is a word that's got a lot of vowels but yeah no you're right they uh they're living their own way and i respect people that are like doing

anything kind of different against the grain. Yeah, yeah. I remember when I was a kid. I think this wine's hitting me. You're a skater. Get some over here. Let's do a little more. Yeah, hold on.

Any time I hear when I was a kid, something good's coming up. So let's get in here. Well, I was a skateboarder. And my parents are like these intellectual cunts. And they're always reading and listening to classical music. And I heard my dad's friend be like, oh, the scape, he's got a chain wallet, you know, he's got long hair or whatever.

Like, does that worry you? And he was like, no, I'm glad he's out there getting in the sunshine, like hanging out with his friends, fucking around. Like, he's not doing heroin. He's like jumping off stairs and trying shit. They're filming stuff. And I admit the world to me.

Cut to you, Robin. Fuck you. Give me a verse. Yeah, right? We used to do a thing called Yahoo's. Did you guys do that? What is that? That's where you go into a 7-Eleven or something, and you all grab a case of beer and yell,

Yahoo, and run out. I've never done that. You never did that? That's hilarious. Oh, man. But that's what life was like back then. It was fucking wild. This Korean guy pulled a gun on my friend Paul, and we all ran out of there.

And he was like, oh. He was like this fat kid with pink cheeks. And the Korean guy pulled a gun on him. So we all get back to the meeting point. We all have our cases. It's a great night. We're like, where's Paul? And then we cut to Paul running down the street going, ah!

The Korean guy going, ah! But he couldn't leave the store, so he had to run back. He's chained like Ned Beatty in Deliverance. He's like, ah! He gets plowed from behind from the Korean bodega owner. God damn, that's incredible, dude. Oh, that was a Tuesday. It was New Orleans. It was lawless. It was pre-internet, pre's incredible, dude. Oh, that was a Tuesday. It was New Orleans.

It was lawless. It was pre-internet, pre-cell phone camera. Good times. Damn, dude, that's great. Yeah. So that's why I see these kids and I go, there's still some hope for humanity. Even though they are, I'm sure, they're criminals. Yeah, you know, just hope they're not going too hard with the drugs.

Yeah, you hope. You know, but shit, that's the other thing. Oh, the attack of the screaming beer thieves. What is this, Harry? Oh. This is other people Yahooing. That's hilarious. Oh, all right.

Great. It's still a thing? Yeah. All right, good. Yahoo. In 2002. Oh, 2002. Okay.

That was a different time. What did you guys do? I mean, you were in the big city. Did you guys? We do dine and ditch and shit like that? But it was nothing like Yahoo. Sounds way fun. We would start,

we were bad kids in the way where we would start shit. And like, it's the dog. It's dog. It's too dumb. It's all dumb. We were, we were idiots.

I mean, I remember we do like, we were in a pro wrestling. So it was like, we'd go in and we'd just grab an energy drink and pop it and chug it. But then throw it all over ourselves and do like the DX. And we'd all laugh. You piece of shit.

Yeah. That's when, you know, whenever you hear a girl, she's like, boys my age are so immature. You're like, yeah, they are. Well, I was in an all boys school. So we were way worse. I mean, we were 10 times worse. I mean, it was like the farts. When farts are celebrated.

Yes. That's the problem. Like, you know, you're in a co-ed class You're kind of like I'll hold it in You're in an all boys class You're like Smell it

I remember This is what's so great About Michelle Wolf Besides the fact That she can drink Like an old sailor She's got to be A future guest on this

We got to get her on And she's going to get That Pennsylvania accent drunk I love when that comes out Hershey's Hershey's Oh my god She definitely That episode will be called We're definitely drunk Yes Yes Pennsylvania accent drunk. I love when that comes out. Hershey's. Oh my God.

She definitely, that episode will be called We're Definitely Drunk. Yes, yes. She'll come in drunk. But one time back in like early open mic days and she was super new. We both were at a show in Red Hook.

We'd like, you're just so desperate stage time. You're like, I'll go to that. I'll do that. I'll take a bus, whatever it takes. We're both at a show in Red Hook.

You know, it's three people there. It's in the middle of nowhere. It's some shitty bar. It's an ambush show. And I'm sitting in the back with her, and we're watching the show. And I just go, and I farted like huge, huge, just rah. And the guy on stage was like, what was that?

And she was like, ah. And she's like such a cool gal and she was like on her on her fucking hands and knees laughing at this fart and i was like man this is great you don't fucking go you don't see a lady you know dying at a fart but that's that's wolf for you i picture her laugh and it's making me laugh i mean yeah that is cool to have friends like that where you can fart and like i remember we were you know we were across the street from this hotel in high school and there would be people sometimes like you know it's a hotel so sometimes you'd be changing with the windows open oh yeah so we'd be in like math class and i'd stand up and be like titties and everyone would cheer and they'd be like get out get out sam like but i just

alerted everyone titties so i was like i got like i got applause when i walked out you know you're like that like the guy at the in the war who has the drums you know you're like i gotta start this thing that's a good man as i'm dying i'm like like say it one more time sam you're like titties like damn it he was the comic relief wow so crazy to see a hotel from your uh from your school. It was weird. There's a lot of good stores in there. I mean, there's a-

What street was that? 62nd between Park and Madison, Browning. Yeah, it was so weird, dude. You know- I bet you got some good alumni from that place. Howard Dean. Oh. He's our most famous one.

Okay, that's a good one. That counts. Yeah, he had a good run. That was back when you got canceled for going, whew! That's all that guy did, and he got fucking canceled. Oh, yeah, there was a Chappelle show sketch about it. Really?

All he did was do an awkward celebration, like, whew, when he ran for president. Yeah. And they were like, this guy's weird, fuck him. Whoa, it wasn't buttoned up enough. Now it's like Matt Gaetz. now it's like matt gates now it's like real shit yeah yeah i'm flying in 12 year olds um oh we gotta we gotta speak is that him oh john d rockefeller wow oh okay so he's better than us that's an old school yeah it's old school

hey old school all right uh hey hey speaking of speaking of rockefeller you don't need to be when you're wearing sheath underwear i love sheath i'm literally wearing them right now i swear to god look at that i never take them off sheath is the best in the biz they they look great they feel good they're sexy they got the the the segregated genitals with the uh with the dicks flap and the ball flap. I love it. I mean, your dick and balls, they've been scraping up against each other for thousands of years, generations. Finally, they got some space.

They got a two-bedroom. I'll tell you, man. I was on the road for like six days. I ended up adding a show, so I didn't have enough underwear. So I had to go buy. I had to find underwear on the road. I ended up finding a gap. I put it on in my hotel room. It's got no flap for your dick.

Oh, I hate the no flap. This is the new craze. Really? Designers are like, yeah, it's like 25% of underwear with new designs are no flap. We're supposed to piss over the roof rather than go through the fence. What the fuck's wrong with you animals? That's crazy. Come on. What are we, savages?

I wear these underwear. It's great underwear. Great. I've gone full sheath. I used to be like other Hanes or whatever. I'm out. It's all sheath. That's all I wear. They look good. They feel good.

They're supportive. The lady likes them. They're kind of sexy, and they hold everything up. I'm a big fan. It's from a U.S. Army soldier named Robert Patton. He did two tours in Iraq. And great in Twilight. Yeah.

Check him out. He's a veteran-owned company. He's a founder and a big comedy fan. He loves all of us, and he made a good product. Tell him how to do it there, Sammy. SheathUnderwear.com, promo code DRUNK, and you get 20% off with your first order. And SheathUnderwear, 100% back, money back guarantee.

That's sheathunderwear.com, promo code DRUNK. Get Sheath Underwear and let them support your balls. Yeah, you got that right. Good stuff. I like it. Now you got a peeve or what? I got a few. Please.

I always have a few. First off, I'm in this great hotel in Spokane. Amazing hotel. So it taken work for me to find complaints but i found one 20 little pillows not one good pillow 20 little pillows so with you the fuck is this shit who designed this a fucking 14 year old girl big yeah that's what it is because you gotta knock 19 of them off just to go to bed but now you wake up and you're like oh shit you're stepping on pillows all day.

And they take over the whole floor space. Not only that, you got to put three of them together to get a decent pillow. That's so true. And it's not, it doesn't work. I hate the little pillows. Give me one good pillow. Two good pillows. Two.

I'm a human being. I mean, it's sad when you're like, maybe I'll get a MyPillow. That's not a good point in life, you know? So, yeah, what's with the million pillow? And there's always that one long one, you know, that goes on top. I don't mind the long one because sometimes I sit up and I'll watch. I watch basketball before bed a lot on the road and I'll sit up on that and I'll watch it. So I'm okay with it.

A little lower lumbar. A little lumbar support. I'm okay with that. But I need a good pillow. And a lot of these hotels are skimping, man. Yeah, your head goes and it just hits the bed. It's just like flat. They spend so much money on these rooms.

Get a fucking decent pillow. That's so true. Good point. Good point. I mean, we're in hotels every week. And I just was in a hotel. And the pillow was amazing. I can't remember where I was.

And I remembered it. I was like, wow, the pillow is always shitty. And here it's great. I think it was actually Tacoma. They usually put those guys put you in good hotels, though. Yeah, oh, yeah. It's always like a swanky boutique hotel. Definitely.

Makes a big difference, man. Hotel, it's like I'm starting to value quality of life. I really used to stay in some shitholes, and I did not realize it. Same, same, yeah. You're just like, oh, this is what it is. This is how you live. And then you're in a nice hotel, and you're like, man, this is making me not as depressed to be on the road. agree but i will push back and i don't love too nice like

these super five star with the you know the the mint on the pillow and the potpourri and all that because i'm like what it's 18.99 for wi-fi oh fuck because they got in late they got in late on the wi-fi they got some bad deal or something, right? So they started charging people. It's insane. Yeah, and they figure, well, you're already at the four seasons. You can afford $18.99 a day, so why the hell not? It's a dick move. Also, on flights, you're flying from New York to LA, 30 minutes of Wi-Fi, $11.99.

That's crazy. Eat shit. Eat shit. My move is I always say, it's not working very well. I get a free session. Is that right? I always pull that on customer support. It never does work well.

That's true. It doesn't. And I just spend $11. Yeah, and it takes forever to load. And you're like, all right, let me try google.com. Oh, no, because you're waiting for it to click over. And it never works for me. It's always a nightmare.

Drives me a huge peeve of mine. Nick DiPaolo is a great joke. I checked in a hotel. There was a shit in the toilet. I said, you know, most hotels leave a mint on my pillow. Classic road bit. I think the mint is over, by the way. I haven't seen a mint on a pillow in 10 years.

It's been a while. Yeah. Wonder what that's about. What? You got a peeve? I got a peeve. I hope we haven't talked about this before, but I've been tweeting and whatnot, trying to work jokes out on Twitter. And if my joke is anywhere near kind of third-raily, dicey territory,

I get the lady going, hey, look, I'm a fan. I think you're funny, but this joke, do better. I'm done with do better. I hate do better. You do better. You're reading my tweets, and you got to comment on me., do better. I'm done with do better. I hate do better. You do better. You're reading my tweets, and you got to comment on me. You do better. Do better should be for, like, fucking ex-cons.

Yes. Yeah, rehab or something. Do better. It's so cunty and vague and, like, dismissive. You'd only say it to a comedian. You would never say that at a restaurant. Hey, do better. Right.

You would never say that. It's the lack, do better. Right. You would never say that. It's the lack of respect. And it really, you know. Condescending. Completely condescending. Do better. Like, I don't know. Or this is another one I hate is when they go, you're better than this.

Am I? Maybe I'm not. Let me not be better than this. Well, I remember I got in trouble for a joke years ago in a comic that we both know kind of took a little shot at me. And he goes, yes, comedian. Yes, fellow comedian, which already so smug. Your joke was clever, but don't you want to be a little bit better than that? Oh, come on.

How about your act? None of it's clever. Right. Right. Exactly. It's that weird compliment to it's like that misdirect compliment to insult. Like, I'm a fan, you're good, but don't you want to be a little better than that? I know you're capable.

What do you think about the impact of your comedy? Think about who you're hurting. Would you ever say that to Tarantino, you fucking fake fuck? And the impact is a laugh. That's the impact I'm trying to get. I'm not trying to save the world here. And also, I think we do put a lot of thought into our jokes. Of course.

And also- Maybe more than them. When you walk a line with jokes, I do think you're going to get burned every once in a while. Sure, sure. That's how it works, man. I just was at Gotham and fuck. I had jokes that were, I'll put it this way. They were hitting all week in Seattle.

Yeah. And they were a little too fucking, this way. They were hitting all week in Seattle. Yeah. And they were a little too fucking, this crowd was a little too woke for it at Gotham. So that's all right. Yeah, yeah. You know, it sucks because it's like that Bill Burr thing. Like, you don't know what I meant by that, you know, but you're assuming I meant a certain thing and you're putting that in my act. I didn't mean that. You took it that way.

I think they just didn't like it, though. Dude, I did it like 14 minutes into my set where I was killing and I think they just didn't like it though i did i did it like 14 minutes into my set where i was i was killing and i kind of just went i went off a cliff at the end i think people are kind of conditioned especially on the coasts that they're like oh that's a radioactive territory i'm just hanging back even if it's great writing even if it's a great point even if you're not wrong that's that's dicey waters and i'm'm just going to, to be safe, I'm going to hang back. And they would laugh at that if it was just you and them in their living room. But I think in public, people now are kind of going,

I'm just going to play it safe here. Yeah, it's almost like I don't want to be on record. Yeah, whereas in Seattle, they're like, ah, there's no record. We're out. We're having fun. Seattle's a woke town, though, man. I know, but I think it's- But they were also there for me. They're there for you. And I think there's a little more pressure here and in LA and places like that.

Man, LA is some bullshit, man. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Because New York can get annoying with that shit, but LA is on another level. Yeah, it's so phony. I was thinking about what you said, and I feel like you need to think about the impact of what you were saying and think about maybe a more clever way to say it. Yeah, you have a platform up there,

and you should be using it for better, for good, instead of your pedophilia content. You're like, all right. Do you know how many kids are molested every year? Do you? No. I just talk like this and people assume I'm smart. Right.

So maybe you should stop pushing back and just listen. And then ironically, the only way to get them is to go, well, I was molested. And they go, oh, my God, you were? You're like, yeah, how about that? Let me deal with my pain. I don't know. Maybe I might have blocked it out. But that's what I tell them just so they leave me alone.

It's weird. That's the best response ever. You have a lesson? Who knows? Who knows? I am a survivor. Somebody told me I'm a survivor because I lost my virginity to a 55-year-old when I was 16. So in a way, I am a pedophile survivor.

You're not a survivor. You're a hero. I'm a hero yeah but i somebody had to tell me that they're like you know you're like a survivor of sexual assault or whatever i'm like oh i didn't even think about it that way somebody made it out of the holocaust and you fucking someone who was older than you get the same name i don't know about that i never even thought about it i'd never crossed my mind i was like i fucked an old lady it was awesome she didn't charge me was it awesome awesome? It was awesome, yeah.

I loved every minute of it. I went up there willingly into her hotel room. I met her dumb husband. You're probably not a survivor then. I don't know. But by definition, I'm like, I don't know. There's got to be a difference between. Of course. I hate to be this dude, but I'm sorry.

There's a difference between a 16-year-old guy and a 16-year-old girl. There is. There is, yeah. this dude but there's i'm sorry there's a difference between a 16 year old guy and a 16 year old girl there is there is yeah this i mean calling a girl fat from the stage and calling a guy fat different it's a different world and we can deny it all day but it's just how it is and you just go off the reactions you can you can tell me i'm wrong women are more judged for their body than men are of course of course and then you go that's your girlfriend buddy man she's out of your league and it gets a big laugh but if i was like that's your boyfriend man he's way hotter than you you know the girl's like jeez i don't know it's just different it's just how it is i think like the fun fat guy is like more celebrated than the fun fat girl like definitely

if you're the fun fat guy you get a nickname like the tank or something right like you're kind of like you so yeah you got there is a double standard, but there's gotta be, there's some fairness to it, I think. But yeah, but that also proves it's different. Whether it's different good, different bad. It's all different, yeah. For sure.

That's why it's annoying when they're like, we're all the same. It's like, I don't know. I mean, you know it isn't, because there's a hashtag, men suck. But if we're all the same, shouldn't it be people suck? It's funny, we know there's a lot of stuff with Caitlyn Jenner because she's running for governor and following the footsteps of Arnold, former figures of masculinity who now have tits.

No, but she had the thing where she said, I don't think trans people should get to compete. Yeah, yeah. In sports. Which is interesting. Coming from a trans person, it changes the game a little. Well, you got to also think it worked out perfectly for her. Of course. Because she gets to be the Olympic hero as the man. Then she's got to be the man for another 40 years or so.

Yeah. And you know what also is interesting about Caitlyn Jenner, and now we're going through a whole trans rabbit hole here, but she's dating a 25-year-old trans person. Oh, really? I didn't know that. And you're like, that's pretty, that feels kind of mannish. You're dating the young chick? I don't know.

I mean, that feels like a guy move. Just saying. Pulling a Sinatra here. Yeah. I mean, you're pulling a Sinatra, a Led Zeppelin, a Woody Allen, what's that guy, Great Balls of Fire guy? You know, what's his name uh she's a fascinating person chuck berry she is a fascinating person though oh by the way every musician has fucked a 14 year old of course who's like who your grandparents

listen to they're like i like this so when you're on this cancel thing it's like all right i want to see your playlist though ah good point, good point. R. Kelly. Yeah. Michael Jackson. I'm not at all condoning it, but I'm saying have some consistency with the people that you quote unquote hate. Of course, of course. Marvin Gaye. Oh, is that right?

Yeah. I didn't know that one. Oh, yeah. A lot of people. Yeah. Interesting. Elvis Presley. Yeah, yeah.

How about- We all hate Woody Allen, but a lot of these guys but we all secretly still like his movies wow he's a talented man it's hard to watch it now though but it's like sure i still think some of his movies are some of the best movies ever made of course of course that was a tough blow yeah yeah but then some kids say he did and some of his kids say he didn't so then you're like uh well who do we we want of his kids say he didn't. So then you're like, who do we believe? We want to believe he didn't for so many reasons. Yeah.

But it's hard to believe. I couldn't watch the documentary. I couldn't watch it either. Because I think he did it. Really? Yeah. I don't know enough, but I don't want to know enough. I just move on.

I couldn't watch the Michael Jackson one either. Yeah, that was tough. I just think it's so weird that we're like, you made that pedophile joke, of shit oh michael jackson doc get the popcorn right you know it's like it's theater you hated this stuff but it's theater it's theater it's it's they're watching it like there is a sickness to like watching this true crime oh genre while you're just stuffing goobers down your throat yeah and the more gruesome the more entertaining and you're just stuffing goobers down your throat. Yeah, and the more gruesome, the more entertaining, and you're like, okay. Then it's like, Ted Bundy's cute.

I hear that every 10 minutes. Ted Bundy's so hot. He's not even that good looking. I never thought he was either. I mean, it was pretty badass that he's like his own lawyer and all that shit. Then he breaks out of prison when no one thought he could. So he's definitely-

It's badass. It's also not a smart at all move. I mean, he's kind of a dipshit, you know? Well, I mean, he's just so confident, like, self-assured. Like, I can do this. I can, you know, defend myself in a court of law and kind of do well. I guess. It's not exactly my cousin Vinny, you know?

Great movie. Love that movie. Marissa Tomei. That's one of the best comedies. Oh, my God. Joe Pesci fucking rules. Rules. This pod will always go back to movies at some point.

Yeah, that's true. Because we both love movies. That's definitely the basis. That was a big part of our friendship early on, probably. I think he's from Jersey. Bondi? No, Pesci. I'm always obsessed with where people are from.

He's Jersey. Yeah, well, he produced Jersey Boys. Is that right? Yeah. Oh, wow. You know, he hates acting. He wanted to. He produced Jersey Boys. Is that right? Oh, wow. You know he hates acting. He wanted to be a singer growing up. He was in a comedy

troupe with Frank Vincent. Really? Yeah. Oh, wow. From Newark. Look that up. Harry, I think he was in a comedy troupe with Frank Vincent from The Sopranos, I believe. And I know he was in a boy band back in the day. So funny. He's the heartthrob.

Yeah, I know. He's like 5'1". There was a great Family Guy thing with Joe Pesci. They're like, this is what a tough guy used to look like. It's also a testament to his acting because the guy who plays in Goodfellas was like 6'5". He was just like this bruiser, crazy, psycho guy. And then he's 5'3", but they're like, he's so good, let him do it. He's so scary in it.

So scary. Just nothing to lose, I'll kill anybody. And fucking hilarious. I saw all his shitty 90s movies, too. I saw Gone Fishing. I saw 8 Hits in a Duffel Bag. I saw Jimmy Hollywood. I just loved Pesci, so I was just like...

He's great in everything. Yeah, he's a legend. That scene in Casino with him and De Niro in the desert Pesci. He's great in everything. He's a legend. That scene in Casino with him and De Niro in the desert going back and forth is legendary. They redid it once with Kermit or Bert and Ernie, I think. It went viral. It was pretty great.

Dude, the last scene of Casino might be one of the most brutal. With the tighty-whities. That's one of the worst. Brut, with the tighty-whities. That's one of the worst. Brutal. Man, that's a memorable violent scene. Yeah. He's still breathing.

He's still breathing. Oh, God. Too much. I saw that too young. And they put that on TV. That was on cable. Yeah, they cut out fuck, but they'll let you show a guy

beating to death in his underwear. I know, with a baseball bat. Then they just slide him into a hole in the dirt. I remember on Goodfellas, instead of fuck you on TV, it would always be forget you. Yeah, yeah. Greg Johnson, you said that funny bit about in Die Hard 3, he has to

go to Harlem with the sandwich board that says I hate n-words, and then they change it on cable to I hate everyone. Which is like, doesn't read at all the same way like some guy in harlem be like we gotta beat that guy up he hates everyone damn yeah die hard three man those movies were fun as hell oh well die hard one was a game changer for action movies you know because it was like it was all arnold before that yeah yeah and it was like fun he was

an everyman he wasn't like giant ripped guy he He was like, you know, just this New York cop going out to L.A. They made fun of L.A. There's no snow. It was just so layered and so much more fun that this regular guy is like lost in a skyscraper. And then they just ran with it. Reginald Vell Johnson from Family Matters. So good in that movie. I love that guy.

Dude, I loved Family Matters growing up. I did too. By the way, side note, Reginald L. Johnson, the most typecast man in history, cop on Family Matters, cop in Die Hard, cop in Turner and Hooch,

and cop in Ghostbusters. He's great though. He's great. He's great. I love him. Yeah, Urkel was like, that was such a perfect show for kids. Oh, yeah.

It was like classic. Like, this perfect show for kids. Oh, yeah. It was like classic, like, this is what you mock now. Did I do that? Like, this is the cheesiest shit ever. I know. I loved everyone on that show. I loved Eddie. I loved all of them.

Yeah, we watched it all. And here's the crazy part about that show. That show is a spinoff of The Elevator Operator and Perfect Strangers. That was the mom. Whoa. And that's where that show came from, which is like, this is what we're going off of? The Elevator Operator, who had two lines a show on this fish out of water sitcom bullshit from the late 80s. And then that became Family Matters, which sucked. And then they introduced Urkel, and then it became popular.

Damn. And then it just went all Urkel. And then they were just basically doing the Nighty Professor when he became Stefan. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Wow. Good point. Dude, Perfect Strangers, I love. I love that shit. I'd watch it with my dad. He's like, Balky's on.

Get in here. You know, you're missing top-notch comedy gold here. This guy's from, you know, Slovakia or whatever the hell he was from. Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, man. That guy rules hills cop oh man that guy rules so good that guy rules we talk about two two guys raised by tv i'm like talking about the the origins of family matters i loved it though man wait did you give a peeve do better do better that was yeah that's. Sorry, The Boost. You got a rec? I do. It's a weird one.

Oh, good. I got a weird one too. So first I got to shout out Dana Gould, who I love. He told me to read The Watchmen, the graphic novel. Dude, I never read a graphic novel in my life. They're basically, you know, I read comic books when I was a kid. Sure. But this is some adult shit.

I love it. Really? And I watched The Watchmen show on tv and i couldn't get into it i was the same way it wasn't for me didn't love it the the graphic novel is brilliant dude i love it i'm like halfway i finished it i'm like halfway through on the from the flight from back from uh seattle but really you're the nerd guy on the flight with the graphic novel i was like fuck it i'll read it you know it's so good wow now. Now, clue me in because I always push back on the graphic novel. Well, it's got so much depth.

Every character, it opens with a murder. And this guy is murdered. And they're kind of like, how was he murdered? He's so big and strong. And they kind of don't know how it happened. And you kind of figure out who this guy was. And he was part of this superhero group back in the day. But he was a bad guy.

He tried to rape another superhero. What? He was a bad human being. he fucking kills someone in a really cold blood i don't want to reveal but a really cold-blooded way and you're like man this is kind of dark and fascinating and then whoa these other superheroes are all these tortured people but they're all so three-dimensional that it feels so real and the problems are so real. It's war. It's drama within this group of superheroes. It's someone's picking them off and some of them are too smart for their own good. And these characters are so complex that it just sucks you right in. And it's by Alan Moore and I think Dave, was it Gibbons who did it? The animation.

So Alan Moore sold it. He didn't want nothing to do with the shows. I think he got a shit deal from DC and was like, fuck you. I want nothing to do with it. Oh, it's DC. Yeah. So they, I think, got the rights. I could be wrong.

They got the rights, I believe. And then it got made into a movie. He made a lot of other stuff. He did V for Vendetta. Oh, wow. That's great. He did From Hell. He's done a lot of stuff that got adapted.

But he wants nothing to do with any of it. Yeah. Because I think, yeah, he's just like, they ruined my shit. I won't even watch it. Interesting. And he got a bad deal. Wow.

So I don't know what the financial situation is, but this dude's clearly a genius. Yeah, definitely. He's got all that in his head. That's amazing. So I was like, wow, this is pretty damn good. I've never read a graphic novel. So Dana was like,

you got to check it out. You're not going to, you think you won't like it, but you're going to love it. And you did. We worked on a superhero show idea together and he was like,

just read this. It's great. It'll be a good template for you. I love it. I'm always impressed with anyone who gets a wreck and goes with it. Most people go,

ah, yeah, whatever. I go with his wrecks all the time because he has great taste. Sure. His taste is so good. yeah, whatever. I go with his recs all the time because he has great taste. Sure. His taste is so good. Yeah, yeah.

I know what you mean. You got to trust the guy to go with the rec. But wow. Because I know friends who love it, and I always push back on watching them. I'm like, he's got a cape. I can't get into that. Oh, it's incredible, though. Really?

I mean, dude, the dialogue is noir-esque. It's very kind of noir. I love it. And it's just a book with a lot of pictures, basically. Pictures, but great lines. Oh, interesting. All right, all right. It's a lot of dialogue.

There'll be pages with no pictures. There'll be a few pages in a row with no pictures sometimes. It'll just be writing. Oh, okay. I didn't know that. I thought it was just all... Because they're very glossy and kind of nice. Yeah.

So I always thought it was just basically a picture book. I'm new to it, so I'm a noob in this area, but man, I loved it. Good rec. I'm not done with it yet, but I'm loving it, so I'm going to stick with it for sure. All right, that's a great rec. I would have never thunk.

I would have never thunk either, but man, it's really, I'm trying to be, that's another thing, I want to be a little open here. Yeah, good, good, that's good. Love open. No one's open anymore. anymore I love that everybody's got their niche they got their we're all so splintered you know we all have this is the podcast I like the show I like it's good to open up not only that but maybe like you know if I can't ever sell this show because I love this show so much like I will make it as a graphic novel ah Ah, so you gotta know about them if you're gonna make one.

I gotta know, yeah. That makes sense. Cause sometimes it's so hard to make a show, you gotta like, you gotta just own the IP to make the show. Right, right. There's so much corporate strangulation with shows now. Oh yeah. Marvel owns every, Marvel's everything.

Yeah, yeah they really are, they're taking over. And then Disney owns Marvel. Yeah. So then Disney's taking over. Disney Plus apparently is the most watched, and then Netflix. Really? Yeah. Or kids. Kids.

And then parents just leave it on. Like, hey, you watch this. Get out of my hair. And Disney Plus is The Simpsons. Ah, yeah. They got The Simpsons. They got all the Disney and all the Marvel. So they're fucking killing it.

What's your rec? Well, I got a weird one as well. Not as weird as that, but we're on the road a lot. I'm always staring at my phone. I'm always on Instagram trying to find a clip, whatever it is. The best follow for me on Instagram is SportsCenter. I'm not a huge sports guy. I don't really keep up with it.

I like MMA and some other stuff, I don't really keep up with it. I like MMA and some other stuff, but this is the most uplifting follow. Everything is like doom and gloom or we're in Hawaii. We're in Tulum. Uh, we got married. We had a kid and you're like, all right, all right. This is like guys like trying to lift a weight and the other guys behind him or like basketball shit where the guy makes it from the half court all his friends go nuts it's always this weird uplifting kind of crazy uh you know like once in a lifetime shot that he made or a hole in one or and look i don't care about badminton or volleyball but the way you just see the team come together and they score the winning goal, they all hug.

It's a beautiful thing, and it's always, obviously, if they're putting it on, it's some kind of spectacular event happen where a guy broke a record or whatever it is. But it's so uplifting and positive. Huge wreck. I mean, I got more for you if you like that, because I'm all about that, dude. Yeah.

House of Highlights. That's a good follow. Oh, House of Highlights. dude House of Highlights Bleacher Report's a good follow One of my favorites Timeless Sports So it's like kind of throwback stuff I'm sure Harry you follow that right I mean it's great I sent Phil Hanley clips all the time Because he loves basketball clips

I sent him like the best of Allen Iverson Last night And I just wrote like pure heart And he sent him like the best of alan iverson last night and i just wrote like pure heart and he wrote back like that best way to describe it like it's a little guy just hitting step back shots on people with 511 smallest mvp ever i mean i i love it man i love i love the yeah i do you're talking about the marine lifting the thing yeah yeah i love that moment where his other marines are cheering him on right he like deadlift 630 or some shit yes yeah and look you could all be like oh look at these meat heads or whatever we could do that all day camaraderie man i was all about it exactly i

think it's so cool and i i love uh i love great i mean i just love basketball so i love watching just amazing passes or shots yeah yeah and this. And there's comedy, too, like the Shaq stuff, where he's talking to Nick Jonas, like, hey, Nick, you know, and all that. That's fun, too. Shaq's a great follow. Shaq's great, yeah. I love, I mean, I love, you can't not love Shaq. Yeah, yeah, dad was a cop.

And he's got a, I think he's got a badge. Oh, really? I think he's got, like, an honorary badge. He wanted to be a cop. How funny would it be if there was, like, a drug bust and Shaq just kicks the door in, you know? I think he's got a badge. Oh, really? I think he's got an honorary badge. He wanted to be a cop. How funny would it be if there was a drug bust and Shaq just kicks the door in? Yeah, yeah. They'd be like, damn, Shaq.

And then he would cuff him. He's fucking... That's a good... See, there could eventually be a buddy cop movie with Shaq. Oh, yeah. No doubt about it. I mean... His acting might not be great. He's basically Hightower from Police Academy.

I don't know how well the folks at home know police academy oh i remember but yeah yeah no it's so it's just so fun and everything is like so angry now and complaining that it's fun to see just good stuff and that's what's great it's like excellence too it's not just good stuff it is it is like a hard work yes it is cool that's a great way to put it yeah because it's all like i you know we don't have enough women on this show we don't know that you're like all right everybody's like kind of trying to find this way in or complain about that and these guys like i'll make it work this woman is a volleyball star or a weightlifter whatever it's like i gotta

do the work and win this trophy or beat my opponent. And I think it's nice to see. And, yeah, great follow. I know I'm a hack. I'm like, it's got 8 million views on each thing. No, no, no. I think sports follows in general. Yeah. It's a good follow.

I'm with you, man. It's a metaphor for life. Like, go for it. Try. Fail. Get back up. Do it again. And I think we need some of that now, you know?

We just blame everybody else all the time, and it's good to see people just, like, going for it. Yeah, I love that stuff, man. I need that boost. Me too. And we all look at social media too much, so you should be able to follow accounts that don't drag you down. Yes, exactly. I mean, we're posting jokes all the time for a don't drag you down. Yes, exactly.

I mean, we're posting jokes all the time for a reason. Yeah, yeah, hear, hear. I'm trying to not be an account that's like, I had a bad day today and I want you guys to hear about it. I know, I know. Or like, here's me and my boyfriend on the beach in Virgin Islands. And most people see that and go, ah, fuck. I'm like, cool, I've never taken a vacation yeah so that

even though that is positive that bums you out in a weird way cause you compare we all compare fear of missing out right fear of missing out FOMO we are missing out because we do so much stand up like it's funny I see Adrienne Ipollucci at the Gotham last night so funny she's one of the best

comics I mean she's if you don't follow her on everything, so many of my favorite jokes, she has so much good news. Maybe my favorite joke where she goes, you know, my boyfriend threatened to kill himself, and I thought, great, now I can't kill myself. Are people going to think we were in love? She's incredible. Every joke, you're just like, fuck.

That's great. She's got such a consistent point of view. I love her. And she's a good friend. But I think... Not for everybody, but That's great. She's got such a consistent point of view. I love her. Yeah. And she's a good friend. But I think- Not for everybody, but she's great. Yeah, but you know what? Good.

Good. You know what's for everybody? Fucking trash. Yeah, McDonald's is for everybody. So check out Adrienne. Killer. Great writer. Great take.

Great angles. But she mentioned you tonight. She was like, oh, I just saw Marg or whatever. And she goes, that guy, he just doesn't stop. Oh, wow. She's like, I feel like he can't stay still. Boy, she's not wrong. I feel like you have the same problem.

But she's like, but Mark might be worse. Well, that's why we get along. We got the same goddamn disease of just like, got to keep going. We're sharks. We got to keep going. We're married to the sea, you would say? Yes. Not a bad name for the rye sharks oh interesting i do like fat cat i like fat cat i like because i like it because it's a double meaning because fat cat is also like successful

but it's a funny image of fat yeah and ladies like a fat cat that's true we get the ladies right and sharks kind of sounds beachy like we're some kind of you know florida sharks yeah like some kind of red lobster bull pigeons we're pigeons we're not sharks speaking of that you got a bit speaking of not yeah i'll run some stuff by you that didn't hit tonight because i i think it's in there but it's i see it's divisive so i did a lot of cop oh that is uh a room divider wide one hit well i have a whole bit where i compare cops to teachers and the one line i kind of get a groan was i say uh you know uh i say i joke i say that one of the jokes is that being a teacher is hard but then i say no i'm kidding i think being a cop is much harder than being a

teacher uh there's no substitute teachers yes and then i kind of pause and i go well white women no no no substitute cops substitute cops yeah i say well white women and that and that kind of gets a laugh i could see some people like not loving it tonight and then i say uh you know that just feels though it feels like the setup like that's a funny setup but there's more kill in seattle but then yeah but now but then yeah good okay and then i say white women are a lot like uh actually a lot like cops because you know uh they're constantly telling us how brave they are i'm scared of them yeah and they're responsible for the incarceration of a lot of innocent black men that's great i mean that feels like a bit to me. Killed in Seattle. Tonight it was the most stone cold silence I've ever seen

in a fairly packed room. And I was like, well, there you go. Damn, I'm shocked. And then I had a lot of cop bits. They probably were a lot of white women there. A lot. All right, well, that's a factor. I think it's funny for white women too.

I think it is too, but- I did on the early show of Gotham, all white women killed. Late show got dead silence. You know why? Because they were probably those type of women. You hit home maybe. Yeah.

But that's funny. I mean, I said it to you. I was like, what about Karens? And then you were like, go white women is better. Oh, I ran this by you. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Karen is, you know, it's kind of like. I don't like Karen as a punchline. I don't like it either. I don't like any Karen as a punchline. I don't like it either. I don't like any word as a punchline. Yes. That's a word that people, it's almost like. It's too buzzy. It's buzzy, but it's also just like, it's over.

Like, I don't want a punchline that literally the least funny people I've ever met are using as a punchline. Yeah, my uncle's Karen. Was she a Karen? Exactly, exactly. Yeah, we got to go above that as professional comedians. Yeah, no, we got to find a different angle. Yeah. A more original angle.

Yeah, that's great. It's something. I like it, but it fucking got zilch. And a lot of white women come out of these shows. Oh, yeah. But I still think it's funny that it should work for them, you know? Well, I think we are getting to a place where like white women weren't really a punchline before and now they are and i think a lot of them are kind of like sick of it we have to listen to white men being

trash all fucking day why can't i make a joke i mean prior was doing white men are trash in 78 so like yeah yeah get used to it sister this is part of it also like i hear so many female comics being like white men yeah i'm like cool that's fine but i should get to do it too exactly exactly what what what the hell is this equality talk i've been hearing yeah let's uh let's all do it let's share the wealth so yeah i think i think that's gold i think there's a lot there uh white women are even scarier too because they don't need guns cops have guns white women don't have guns and they still get shit done like i'm still scared of you yeah there's something about like a white woman will just like a cop will kill you but a white woman will like kill

you emotionally yeah they'll like beat you down like kill you over time right right yeah she'll put a little uh antifreeze in your oatmeal but we gotta watch you'll never snap your cop like you'll never be like are you trying to ruin my life yeah that's that's hilarious yeah that's so true uh yeah you know we've all been like man, this cop's a dick, but no one's ever like, this cop is, you know, eating away at my soul. Yeah. You know,

where we've all had that girlfriend who's just, you know, like no cop has ever gone, your mom's a cunt. I'm like, fuck you, bitch.

I introduced you to my mom and you call her a cunt? She's a saint. You're half the love my mom. But yeah. And a cop's never told me I had a small dick. How about that? Melissa, you know I'm talking about you.

But yeah. And a cop never fucked one of my friends. All right. Sorry, Melissa. Text me. C cops will plan evidence but uh a woman will maybe they both they both look through your shit without a woman oh that's great that's great that's big they're both looking through your shit that's great what's this fuck you can't pull a warrant on a girlfriend though at. At least a cop, you're like, hey, you need a warrant. You know, a girlfriend's like, hey, we're dating.

Yeah, then maybe there's something there, the warrant. That's big. The warrant is big. All right, I got something to work on. What do you got? That's funny. All right, this is a big bit, and you're not going to like it. So let's see what happens.

Why won't I like it? Because it's like. You're like, Jews are terrible. Where are you going? Well, that bit's see what happens. Why wouldn't I like it? Because it's like... You're like, Jews are terrible. Where are you going? Well, that bit's working. No. It's so against the grain that maybe it's too against the grain. Oh, so you feel like you're showing off a little with it?

No, not that. Just like I can't get some crowds to get on board. Sure. Because it's like so the wrong way. All right. All right. Well, you weren't sure this is dick fuel so i expect nothing less this is a gift some guy sent it to me so i said hey i'll wear it um so i got this whole bit about you know uh you know very left-leaning progressive all my friends are like hey hey, these people hate groups. It's so horrible to just hate a group that you've never met, blah, blah, blah.

But then they go, fuck rich people. And I'm like, well, that sounds like pretty hateful. You know, and they're like, well, you know, I hate the 1%. And I'm like, so you hate minorities. You know, and that hits. That's a good line. And there's a lot of lines in it. But I can tell the overarching theme.

They're like, I don't know. And I'm like, the whole point is like, all rich people are evil. All these billionaires are evil. I'm like, yeah, well, some are, and some are nice. Like, that's how people work. You know, all cops are bad. Well, some are bad, and then some are great. Teachers are heroes.

So some are heroes, and some fuck their students. You know, like, you can't say down with with hate and then hate an entire group, you know? And there's because you guys preach compassion, but you're not compassionate about these people because they're doing better than you. So for some reason you're allowed to openly hate them. And I have this line that hits about like some rich guys like, yeah, my beach house burned down in Malibu. And everybody's like, boo fucking who? You know, and he's like, well, my kids were in malibu and everybody's like boo fucking who you know and he's like well my kids were in there oh that's good and that kills but it's still not completely connecting like some of the lines are good enough to hang in there and and

hit but as a whole overarching theme i can tell they're not on board it's hard yeah i think i like it all right i here's what i like bits that are kind of contrarian i don't think yes i don't think you're saying it just to poke i think i think you're trying to like i'm confused i think yeah exactly i think i think it's coming from an honest place i think because also we're trying to be rich so like we're all trying to get to this thing it's like making fun of a lot of people i to me that's why a lot of people i think don't turn on the rich like when a lot of people was like you should be more mad about the wealth inequality you could be fucking working you know you could be like working the fryer at mcdonald's and be like i still got a shot right that's that's

what america does yeah it tells you that you can make it and you can get rich. So I think that's why a lot of people don't hate the rich. Yes. Especially the poor. The poor look up to it. They're like, wow, man, Bezos is awesome. How cool is that? And then the irony is- I don't know if they think he's awesome after buying that half a billion dollar yacht.

Yeah, that was bad. That was kind of a cock move right there. But I think they're like, I'd like to have a yacht. I'd like to get some of that. What do you do on a half a billion dollar yacht, though? I know. It's a little much. Of course it's a little much, yeah.

Yeah, that was the understatement of the century. Hey, Jeff, a little much. No, I think, yeah, I like the idea that you can't hate everybody. Yeah. It's a classic shit where it's like, fuck all white men. You're like, you have a white brother. Yeah. You have a white father.

You hate him. I love him. Well then why all white men? It's the same shit with like, fuck rich people. You're like, do you know any rich people that, I mean,

there, there are philanthropists. I mean, you, you could hate. Yes. Even with Bill Gates, you could hate Bill Gates.

He's raised. And then, I mean, the Gates foundation, foundations raised the most insane amount of money i talk about that philanthropy i mean so there's people that are assholes with their money and there's people that are i mean i think that's that's the crux of the bit you got to bring up rich people they love i think that you got to find rich people or something interesting because

build i've done so much research because the bit is so hard to pull off. Yeah. Bill Gates is giving back so much money that he saved six million lives. Like he fed these people and whatever. And I'm like, that's a reverse Holocaust. Wow, that's good. Like you'd think you'd stop hating a guy after he pulled that off because you've done nothing. And you hate him.

Sure, he's rich and whatever. But like he pulled off a reverse holocaust his kids are only getting like 10 million each which sounds like a lot but when you're worth like dropping the bucket when you're worth what he's worth it's kind of a fuck you yeah yeah exactly so my point is like look i get it he makes a lot of money he doesn't need it all obviously but doesn't mean he's a bad guy or a bad woman or whatever it is like you want to be rich and all my rich friends hate the super rich and all my poor friends look up to them and just because you're poor that doesn't make your rich friends hate the rich yeah they're really rich

you know my millionaire friends hate billionaires they tweet about about like, oh, fuck this guy, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, well, you're also kind of rich. Oh, actually, you are rich, not kind of. But like, just because you're poor, doesn't make you good. You know, they're like, well, Bernie Madoff, he doesn't need all the money, he stole my whatever. I'm like, well, the poor guy stole my wallet.

It's just people suck, and people are great. Like, people are people. People suck, and some people are better at sucking. Yeah, they just figured it out. And you want to figure it out maybe, but I don't know. I think there's a lot here and there's like a deeper issue, but it's just weird. Why do we hate the super wealthy?

Because I think because they, A a they're doing better than us it's a lot of like jewish shame like jews were held down and like you know uh restricted everywhere and yet they run the you know they banks real estate media the weather it's fucking impressive and i think there's you weren't supposed to know about that last one but there's some shame they're like fuck how did they do all that i thought they were pieces of shit you know and now they're killing it and they're doing better than me and i thought i was better than them so fuck them that's what people think that's what people think there's a it's a human nature thing there is i think there's an element of this is heavy stuff

i agree i agree i think there's an element of arrogance where like in racism sometimes, I mean, but like think about like when sports, when people say shut up and dribble, like how fucked up that is. That's fucked up. To athletes. When you're like LeBron James,

you don't have to like him. He's entitled to say whatever the fuck he wants. He is a major figure. Best basketball player on the planet. Exactly. And also he's a pretty successful businessman. I mean, aside from being great at this, I i it's so weird when people say you know shut up and dribble is crazy like he can't have a point or a thought or an opinion there is something about that's interesting shut up and once you get once you get really rich

Once you get really rich. No, it's. I like you're doing this cerebral bit and then you're like, oh, hold on. Sorry. Let me. It's a thinker. I'm aware. And I know there's a lot here and a lot to unpack and all that. But like, I just don't understand the down with hate.

But fuck these people because they're doing better than me. They're doing well. So they're doing well so we're allowed to hate is it about how you were born maybe if you were born really rich then you can hate them because that's like but then if they if you became rich but i think it's either way they hate it's either they hate either way and being born rich is not that baby's fault you know like and it doesn't mean they're evil they're just rich they just have a lot of money doesn't make them bad people there's also poor people who are rich people hate or is it the old is it bill is it millionaires or is it billionaires do you think it's both i think it's a

little of both like elon musk obviously is a gigantically wealthy guy enormously wealthy but he hosts snl and like the go-to thought is like, ah, fuck that guy. Like he could be a sweet guy and he could be nicer than you. Yeah. You know, but you just see him as this. It's like, I'm not saying it's like judging somebody by the color of their skin, but you're judging somebody by what they have or what they've done. It is technically the opposite of slavery. They're the people that had slaves. Yeah. yeah, I guess. But it's like, I don't know, it just feels like for someone saying down with hate, it feels weirdly

unnecessarily hateful. Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah, it's interesting. I'm throwing a big one at you here. No, I know. It's something I don't think I crack right now. It's like you're angry at them for having more than you that's the i think that's the bottom line i think that's no pun intended but i think that's the underlying um issue there you're mad that they

have more i mean i think it comes down to that and it's like fuck them well how about but then it's like then there's people that have less than you. And they look at you like, fuck you. And you're like, well, we're always going to be in that place. Yeah, yeah. But that's not a good place to be. Just worry about your shit. Get your shit together.

And do what you like to do. And be with the people you like to be with. It shouldn't be fuck the rich. It should be fuck the rich if they made their money in a fucked up way. There you go. That's completely sane and completely fair. But the must thing is so weird. He's this incredibly environmentally sound guy who's trying to help the environment.

We got Tesla and all that. So it's like, we hate this guy. I thought we were trying to help the environment. I think people just hate anyone who made out like a bandit during the pandemic, and he's one of them. Ah, is that what it is? Yeah. I mean, he was already rich, but I think now he's the richest, right? Yeah.

And then he got, is it because he didn't get married yet? That's how you hold on to the fucking title. Yeah, I guess so. Bezos and Gates. Maybe Bill Gates just needed to go through, I'm on to the fucking title. Yeah, I guess so. Bezos and Gates. Maybe Bill Gates just needed to go through, I'm going to fuck everything phase. Maybe that's what he was doing. Yeah.

I think you got something with the poor people maybe look at millionaires like, fuck you. And you're like, well, what did I do? Well, that's how they feel. The billionaires feel about you. That's interesting. I think that's something. When you put yourself in those shoes yeah why are they mad are they mad i because i think you know you could go deeper like oh it's because do they have tax breaks over you or is it really just because they have more i think that's really it i think that's really it

if we're really getting down their life is easier well that's that's what that's what it. I think that's really it. If we're really getting down to it. Their life is easier. That's what they're mad about. Your apartment's bigger. Your life is easier. You have, you just have an easier go. I think that's what the anger is. But if they earned it,

I don't know. I think it's okay. It's like when the hot girl walks into the party and your girlfriend's like, I don't like her. Like, oh, you don't like her, but she might be a great person. Does it come down to how they earned it?

Because look, there's comics that are way more successful than us and we look at their acts and we're like, ugh. That's true. So do we have to respect them for earning it? No, but they just got opportunities and look, it's annoying. I get it. I'm human. I get jealous or whatever

but they're not going to turn it down so I can't blame them. I blame the dumb industry. Blame the game. It's like when an NBA player gets, I remember Allen Houston for the Knicks got like an insane contract and he was injured the whole contract. Everyone was like, why'd they pay this guy? It's not his fault.

They hated him but it's like, not his fault. The team paid him. What, are you going to turn it into 100 mil? Exactly. And he didn't ask to get injured. It was an accident or whatever. Yeah. So it happens.

So yeah, it's an interesting, it's a thinker. It's a brain twister, but I think that's kind of fun now. We've been doing comedy long enough. Let's take a big scoop out of the pot and see if we can fuck with it. Yeah. That's a horrible analogy, but you know what I mean. Let's try to... It's like chopped.

All right, give me this weird... Give me the shrimp. Give me the parsley and the grape jelly, and let's see if we can make something with it. Parsley, grape jelly. What was the other one? Shrimp. It's going to be a weird one.

Oh, yeah. It's going to be like a sweet shrimp. I'm going to have to throw some hot sauce in there, make like sweet and spicy there you go there we go i think do you think you'd be good on chopped maybe maybe you're a good cook no i'm horrible i'm horrible i was you made chili and i almost blew you oh i remember that yeah i mean come on i was blown away by the chili but i think i'd be decent on chopped if uh if I could get the host high. Isn't that Ron Funch's show? Oh, is it? I think that's Ron's show.

I think he gets high and eats it. Oh, that's funny. It's pretty good. I haven't seen it. I should watch it. I like those shows. I do, too. I do, too.

I watch Chopped for hours. And Pawn Stars. It's funny how angry we were when reality TV started. Now I'm just too tired to care. I know. I will sit there and wait till they do the storage thing. I'm like, all right, you got me. We're two minutes in, but I want to know what's in that goddamn unit.

There was nothing in there but garbage bags and like an old mattress. I'm like, God, I wasted 20 minutes of my life on this bullshit. And that's most of America watching this. We should wrap this up, right? Yeah, Jesus Christ. Where are you going to be coming up? Oh, man, I'm all over the road. This comes out in what, three months?

I will be in Hartford, Funnybone, Spokane, following in your footsteps, Virginia Beach, Funnybone, Orlando, Florida, Improv, San Antonio, Helium Portland, Syracuse, Toledo, Houston, Philly, Buffalo, Dayton, Appleton, Arlington, Texas, Brea in California. Can't wait for that. Funny Bone, Albany, and West Palm Beach. I got Arlington. We're going to add a Wednesday for that. Yes Bone, Albany, and West Palm Beach. I got Arlington. We're going to add a Wednesday for that. Yes.

So I'll see you there Wednesday through Saturday. We got Albany, Funny Bone. Nice. June 4th and 5th. Yeah, we got Atlantic City, the 11th and 12th. Tampa Side Splitters, the 17th through the 19th of June. We got Raleigh, the 25th through the 27th. And we're going to keep on rocking, man.

We got Madison Comedy on State coming up. We got OKC. Hell yeah. We got all kinds of fun gigs coming up. I can't wait. Governors in Levittown. And make sure you hit up our Patreon, patreon.com slash we might be drunk pod.

Also email us at we might be drunk pod at gmail.com with your jokes, your peeves, your wrecks, your drinks. This went down easy. Oh my God. I wanted three more bottles. This is so good. Well done, sir. I get why this guy was a legend.

So good. Very good. Yeah. Send us a Patreon. Tell a friend about the pod. Get a drink. Watch it with your pals it's on youtube it's on spotify it's on itunes all the good stuff shout out to gotham studios for having

us we love uh doing the show here they're doing such a great job matt appreciate you harry producing this bad boy here too we love it uh you know We appreciate you guys and keep listening. Tell your friends if you're liking it. Yeah, come see us live. Watch our specials. We got tons of content out there and praise Allah. We'll see you in hell. Good ad, right? Oh my God. I know I said it

but that was one of my faves. It felt like the most natural conversation we've ever had. What do we do on Patreon? Do we do a quick one now, or do we do... I think we do it now, just to get it going. I don't...