We Might Be Drunk - Ep 244: Mike Lawrence & Mike Veccione

Episode Date: August 11, 2025

Mike Lawrence and Mike Vecchione join Mark and Sam for a wild one, covering everything from the grind of early NYC comedy and insane club stories to working with Brian Cox on a TV project. They rip through movie hot takes, bad reviews, Fight Club myths, Sopranos deep cuts, Will Smith’s awkward rap comeback, and why some comics should have “died at 50.” They swap roast battle war stories, gripe about plane etiquette, parenting peeves, and the curse of referrals, while pitching the dark side of Paw Patrol and debating whether Epstein really killed himself. Sponsored by: Sign up for your $1/month Shopify trial: https://www.shopify.com/DRUNK Start your free online Hims visit: https://www.hims.com/DRUNK Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #MikeLawrence #MikeVecchione #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey

We're back. We're joined by a very old and good friend, the hilarious Mike Lawrence. Hey, what's up? Hey, Mike! Hey, how are you? Maybe my oldest comedy. Well, Veter is the first guy I meant comedy. You might have been second or third.

Veter's up there for me oldest, too. Oh, yeah. He was around. Mo Pitkins? Mo Pitkins, the pit. I walked by Otto shrunken head the other night. I was just going to... Oh, yeah.

I was going to bars with Todd Barry, which I don't know which is sadder. We walked by and I was like, fuck, that was a bad room. What's what I got to do to get booked around here? Yeah, I remember you coming with Zach Sims.

And I've told people the story of he was funnier at first. He was great. And you just worked so hard and found your voice. Oh, thanks. Yeah, well, he's still around. He's still cooking. Yeah.

Zach had that funny joke about how he's always the one. when he goes out with his friends put the goat down I love that yeah yeah he's funny shit yeah man he's a great joke about

his stepdad had a gun on his hip and he's like he also had an extra clip yeah you know for all the gun play he's gonna get it I'm butchering it

but it was yeah yeah and you know well we didn't do him justice there but no no everyone in the comments like fuck that guy he's also alive yeah he's alive

yeah he's alive he started before me so he knew how to do comedy and I was trying to shit up live together and you travel together. Well, Sean Patton came first.

Yeah, he was the Mecca. Hey, go follow Sean Patton. He's there. He's the beacon of hope. He's the, yeah, he's the best ever, I think. I love Sean. Of, like, not, not of all time, but of, like, guys that I came up with and worked with. Unbelievable.

You're great story. I think, like, you know, those cabin sets and stuff, like, I don't think anyone else where I was like, I don't think I'll ever be that good. Yeah. Like, Sean was that. guy for me new stuff every week he would command that room we'd all stand back there and it was a judgey room of comedians yeah he still killed yeah yeah beast i'm like whatever people say about kinnison at the store right that was padding at cabin for me well he's one of those guys

too kind of like a rory scovil where you can't capture him with a camera no kind of have to be there which is yeah a problem for a comedian because you want to blow up and get exposure I remember they did that article on him, like, how late night sets didn't capture him. No. You can't put a leash on the guy. He doesn't have any bits that are five minutes. Yeah. That's true.

Well, his whole thing is he loses you and then he gets you. Yes. But he loses you for a long time. And in five minutes, you just lose. Right, right. You can't get. Yeah, good point. This whole thing would be, you know, it was amazing to watch the whole he would dig for himself.

Even in front of people who knew and liked him, he would still. find a way to alienate them just to win them back. Yeah, yeah. Which is a skill. Oh, it's a masterful skill. It's such a skill. It's like the keeping people to distance

and then the fucking the hook. And it's especially a skill when you're coming up where you just want to be like so badly. And you're like, he doesn't care if they don't like him. He has that great story about getting thrown out of the strip club after he had the breakup. And it's this long bill. But the turn is how the guy threw him out.

He's like, why you throw me out? He goes, I just can't have you crying. here but that turn is like oh you're just waiting for like yeah what did he do yeah he had that eight minute bit about falling in love and finding the woman of his dream oh yeah now they're living together and he's going to propose to her and then at the end he's like I don't have a girlfriend I made it all up I think it would be funny is you would you would see a bit and then you'd want to see it again and then he just wouldn't because he's doing something completely brand new I know yeah and you're just like oh man which is almost like a bad thing I mean you're like yeah

You want to see someone hone, but that was hard in the early days if you're around the same comics. It's hard to, it's hard to tweak a bit. Totally, totally. Because you're in your head, you're like, fuck, they're judging me for doing this bit again. And me and Mark would see each other ten times a week, sometimes, and just, and then you would, like, just perform for him, you know, even for me. Because we were the only people that would be the consistency. Right. And I wanted you to like me.

And these new queefs, they have it so easy. because they can just put shit online. We had to build it in front of each other. I think there's good and bad to that. I agree. I agree. I think it's better to build, but they don't have to go through that pain,

that awkwardness. Yeah, but you have to know who you are more quickly now. That sucks. Like, the wilderness years are gone. Of just being able to take risk and find yourself.

I love that I was at like, you know, Broadway and the comic strip because no one saw me. Yeah. No one who mattered. So I was like, I don't want comics to see me.

It's important. I remember Mike Di Stefano, R. P. Mike, hilarious guy. One of my favorite jokes ever when he had a... Remember that biddy had was his agent's like, fax me a bio. He's like, bio. I scream at strangers in a bar for a living.

He goes, what did you do before that? I was a drug counselor. What did you do before that? I was a drug addict. What did you do before that? I was 12. That's a great joke. But he was like, just hide.

Just hide as long as you can. You don't want comics to see you. And then when you come out of nowhere, they'll be like, oh, who's this guy? As opposed to like, you know, that's the one issue with starting in a big, pond like new york where you just like people are like does that guy still suck so you know sometimes they get better yeah you'll talk about somebody and not realize that like

you last saw them like during obama's first term right yeah like oh he always does that thing and i'm like i don't know if he does yes dude remember remember the night that oh obama got inaugurated in 2009 and we we went up to harlem oh you and me and you and me and you made fun of this comic you he was doing sound the guy was doing sound effects so then norman called him police academy yeah michael winslow and the guy he pulled me to the side oh it was hilarious i remember he had a cream colored suit like a yellowish it wasn't by the it was the very yellowish by the end yeah and brownish and dude it was so and he was going to kick he was like i'll kill you motherfucker like you don't talk shit about me he's doing act out he's like

i'll fucking stab you down and then i'll shoot you Yeah, because the white confidence we had that night Because it was like the happiest that audience had ever been And we're like, we could get away with it Because I remember I went up, I had a great set And Norma was doing great, but then he made fun of the guy And those guys, it's not the same Of like camaraderie, it's like, you're taking money out of my pocket

Yes, yes, but I thought, hey, I would say this to a white guy, I'll say it to him And it was not, we went up there together once, right? Was it a Mokka's lounge? Yeah, Smoky. Smoky. Smokey, smoky, smoky swore. I remember one time, I was bombing so bad that the odor just stands up, looks me in the eyes, and goes, you done. Damn, dude.

I would have loved if he beat you up and as he's doing punching. Yeah, like me, the old bad man. Ow, damn, clap. I'm going to automata pee at your ass. Yeah, that Mokas lounge was wild because they would let you on. Yeah. And there was no rhyme or even. reason to it. It was no line up or anything. You're like, you're on now. You go up and you'd do your thing. And then if you're bombed, he would shit on you and your whole look and your whole act. Yeah. But he let anyone up. That was funny. Yes. Yes. We were used to the alternative places in Brooklyn and stuff where they do the first part, but not the second part. They judge you and make fun of your act, but they don't put you on stage. Yeah. He was basically... That is the difference between white and black people, I think, right there.

Don't give you a chance. It was like quiet versus like. Fuck you. It was inclusive, but insensitive. And it was always funny going with different white comics, seeing who would code switch. Oh, yeah. And if I went with someone who could, I could never look at them the same way again. Yeah, well, he would, you would either go blacker or you'd go whiter. Those are your options.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, good. Gee, Willikers. What am I doing up the way up north? Oh, boy, you know. This motherfucker knows what I'm talking about? Shee. Up top.

Do you know where the magical Johnson theater is? Oh, boss Shit, boss I'll play this Get the car closer so I can cut him He's going blacker for sure Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah

He did crack So I'll give him a couple Black moments I mean some of the guys in the audience Would become Israelites Just not the kind he He had the fat farm shirt on Oh my God

Even the shirt is code switching And let's be real Doing crack is kind of code switching as well. Sure, sure. I got cross colors. Damn. Who was that show, right? White Boys in the Hood?

Oh, yeah. A whole thing that was just that. Yeah, Kurt Metzger, Big J. They all did it. Joey Gay did it. Yeah. Damn. Then there was Apollo, too.

You could do the Apollo New Talent Night. Do you imagine if you were like a white comic that did well in those rooms all the time and you didn't get booked on that show? And you're like, is there for me if I don't have this I can't get white boys in the hood

well dude did he had that one too remember yeah did he had his own it was like bad boys of comedy oh yeah pull that up wow I mean you're

I guess you're not using that credit anymore yeah maybe you are he is innocent I would change innocent of trafficking you don't do a setup you just loob the punch line How y'all doing, Brooklyn? Uh-oh, this guy looks nervous already.

You know what, I'm glad to be here, y'all. But I had to go to the dentist, right, and get my partions and shit hooked up. Because one day, all my teeth just start falling in the fuck out. I ain't bullshit. I was talking to a motherfucker one day, and I say, Is this a sound effects guy? No, no, he was dressed better. And one of them flew out.

This guy's great Because he could be on a corner in New York Just getting changed That guy has the same smile Mark would have had If that guy punched him That's true That's true, yeah

Yeah dude He would sing you He was basically killed Tony He was kill smoky Yeah Just trash your whole act Yeah dude Mike and I We're like in the process

Of waiting to see if we sold a show I feel we were even talking about it Since it hasn't gone through yet But like We've been working on the show For 18 months wow and we got brian cox attached and we're still having trouble yeah the industry it's that hard you stick it has been so fun working with sam because i feel like such like uh la sellout sherpa

because i have i've had to like explain to him how lazy the industry truly is oh hey because you are like the most proactive guy i've ever seen it'll be like you know monday and he's He's like, they haven't called back. I'm like, they're not going to call back for three weeks. Yeah. Yeah, you do get impatient. Yeah. That's Hollywood, man.

Like, he's Jewish, and he's found out there's other holidays they celebrate. You know what's crazy is like, they're just insanely lazy. And you can't, if you follow these people on Instagram, you're going to want to kill yourself. But you're like Turks and Caicos again. It's a fucking work week. I know. It's crazy. That's my show money.

They say we can't afford it. And I'm like. Go to Turks or Kekos. I saw I saw Bezos's wedding. I'm like, dude, that could have fucking been three seasons of our show. Come on.

We're waiting on Amazon. We're like hoping. Every time a spaceship goes up, that's fucking eight pilots. Katie Perry. Dude, we're like waiting on it. And it's just to get Brian Cox attached is insane. Like we got him based on,

he thought the script was funny. And then he does the Zoom calls with us from like 11 p.m. him his time he's in Scotland Wow doing a play So he does a full play And then he's like He's so fun in person

He's so cool I haven't seen him But like when you talk to him He's just I like this character Because he is an asshole A proper asshole Yes

He's supposed to play my biological father On the show Is that's I mean he's a terrible person And he's my biological father A narcissist but we made him Charming in the show So it's fun. It's a fun character.

What about a production company shooting it and then trying to sell it? Because I know you guys don't want to fund it. That's probably the next step if we don't sell it. Don't go right to them. Go to someone who could shoot it. You know, we're saying I'm impatient. It has been 18 months. No, no, but this is TV.

It's TV, man. It was amazing, like, the thing that made me really love, you know, I've always, like, been a fan of Brian Cox. And, like, you know, he's in one of the best superhero movies, X2. He's great in that movie. Yes, yeah, you know, 25th hour, Zodiac. He's a guy, adaptation session. We were, you know, I was watching like, you know, those Vanee Fair things where they talk about their whole career. And he was like, for years, people would look at me and be like, who are you?

And he's like, that doesn't happen anymore. Now I am Logan Roy. Yes. But I remember there was like an article about him and Jeremy Strong. Oh, yeah. Like the difference between method and non-method where he's like, I just, the camera comes on and I'm Logan. Right. And Jeremy would be like, you know, he would like call him dad and stuff.

Like, oh. I always, I always love like the, you know, the famous, right, Lawrence Olivier. Yeah. The marathon story. Yeah. I don't know that one. Well, you know, we stayed up for like three days, Dustin Hoffman, you know, he's like, I have to be, you know, I'm getting tortured. I have to be a mess, you know, in the scene?

And Lawrence Olivier is like, my son, have you tried acting? Yeah. That's the line. The best was it was Jared, Jared Letto on the set of Sue. suicide squad was sending like rat feces and like chicken heads

and stuff and there was an article and it was like Viola Davis is having none of Jared Litter's shit like she just went up to and said knock it off

Jared wow I remember there was a story where on the set of Morbius like it's funny if you met it for a bad movie it's like what's the point yeah

but apparently you don't hear about Rob Schneider going he really was a European Jigua this time but You see the Andy, what is it, Jim Carrey? Oh, yeah.

Everybody hated him. Oh, dude, Milo's foreman in that, he's like, Jim, can we please do another? I'm not Jim. I'm Andy. And then he's just like, okay, Andy. Yes. This guy did Amadeus and one for those over the cuckoo's nass. I understand, like, staying in an accent or something.

Sure. But, like, staying in character to me is, it does seem a little. But the morbius thing was, you know, before he becomes the living, vampire he's a guy on crutches he would use the bathroom in crutches and it would stall production for 45 minutes wow and you know when you're like

the producers and stuff there's overtime and stuff like that there's a story about marlin brando doing that where he was he wanted to be cranky so he stayed in an actual hospital bed for like six weeks and was rude to the nurses and you're thinking like I'm sure someone could have used that hospital bed yeah

hospitals I mean overcrafted what year was it because it might have been two that's true holy shit he got fat well dude what about the guy playing a pedophile

does he go method I was in a summer camp but it's for the role Cox has played a pedophile so I hope not that's why Jeremy Strong was calling him when I was with him

those boys were Jeremy weak I loved yeah I love interacting with him though he's like the coolest dude and he one of my favorite parts is like you know we're selling this

trying to sell this show and we have our friend Matt, who's a production guy, and we really like him, but he keeps pushing the show as, you know, it's the male biological clock. And Mike and I was like, yeah, yeah, but there's other stuff. It's like a father, son show. And Matt's like, it's the male biological clock. No one's done that. And we're like, it's like, yeah, it's like weird to say, you know, with women, they might be pitching a women. They're going to be like me. And he's like, no, trust me. So we're on a pitch. And, uh, and he goes, and we do our thing. And then he goes, and it's also the male biological clock. And Brian Cox goes, what?

That's horse shit That's not a thing I'm just like fucking Cox That's great By the way Shout out to McDonald's for hiring him too He seems so not McDonald's But he's got to brought like

He's Scottish He's probably a part of a clan called the McDonald's That's true That's a good point He was in Braveheart Yeah Yeah It's funny you don't see him as Scottish

Because his voice is just his Like it doesn't have like a thick accent to it or anything It's not like groundskeeper Willie No Oh I love the other part We're talking about all the characters in the show And he goes, it's just a joyful show It's fun as hell

And this Sam character is just so pathetic And I go that one Those are actual real stories most of those That's actually my life I would never want a son like this No he's oh dude He's in Troy's Agamemnon He's in so much shit

Yeah Man Hunter Hannibal Lecter He's the original Hannibal Lecter That I mean to me I would rather be that that a movie star where there's no pressure on you when you know

box office comes you just get to be good and shit go home early you don't eat whatever you want to promote stuff for years it's kind of like Gary Oldman he's just quietly killing it no one ever thinks of him in like the Brad Pitt

or Tom Cruise world but if you ask me who the best actor of our generation is I might say Gary Oldman because he becomes the characters You don't even know you're watching Gary Oldman sometimes. That's true. He's Commissioner Gordon, but he's also a Rasta guy in True Romance.

He was actually, that character was on White Boys in the Hood, if you want. Now, he was, he's hilarious. And so is his Fifth Element character for some reason, you know. He did lean into that a little. Yeah. Yeah. But Chris Tucker with the, you know, rolling paint roller on his head was hosting that episode. So it's okay.

He would go on drag race. Kind of an underrated movie, actually, Fifth. Oh, I love Fifth. That's a fun one. and Mia Jovovich Did you ever see Valerian That was that guy's attempt To make another one like that

Luke Bassan Never heard of it I love an expensive bad movie That's unique Like this movie Like Rihanna plays An amorphous Shapeshifting jellyfish

Pull it up They offered it to Marlon Brando It's funny when you see the poster Is that Holy shit Yeah It looks like Avatar The opening of the movie

movie is one of the most beautiful openings I've ever seen in the movie. The first six minutes are like phenomenal. But here's why the movie doesn't work. The poster, like look at the two leads. Dane DeHan and Carre de Viniere or whatever, they're supposed to be

like Harboil film noirish cops in their 30s. And it does not work. Because the thing is a lot of times, like especially European directors, they're so just obsessed with the visuals that they don't think about the acting. Yes. Oh, yes.

Wow, I never even heard of it. This looks like some crazy high budget. Look up the rotten tomatoes there, Zellkeuse. I like those. Look at those wacky. This came out like at Jupiter ascending also was the Wakowski. I remember the name. Oh, yeah.

And they both transitioned, right? Yes. Both dudes, both became women. No, you watched that movie when you go, women directors, huh? No man would ever make this film. So the Rotten Tomatoes in this is 47 and the audience is 53. I mean, it's not horrible, though.

Yeah, but you know what, though? That's a better 47 and a lot of 47s. Because like I said, like he, he funded some of it himself, like Megalopolis. He got all these investors and everything. Like, he did make the exact movie he wanted to make. Yeah. And I would rather watch that than, you know, and I am like, you know, comic book fan and everything. But, you know, the Marvel made by committee movies.

Like, this movie has stuff in it you wouldn't see anywhere else. Right. Because only he could come up with it. I prefer that as well. Yeah. I'm going to check this out. It's, look, like, yeah, so the one on the left is the Rihanna jellyfish. The blue?

Yeah, that's Rihanna. What a waste of Rihanna? No, she becomes Rihanna. Okay. Yeah, also. But that's, that's her. This is her after getting beat up by Chris Brown. Black and blue.

S, S, S, S, and M, M. It is a numberrella. It is such a, like, Archie, direct. actor thing to be like, we're going to cast one of the world's hottest women and we're going to make it look nothing like her. It's such a French who he takes Elriana and now she's this jellyfea.

I'd be on her. No, that happened after Chris Brown read the script. You're going to do what? You're leaving me for what? You're going to need a Valium. Valerian. What is a Valerian? It is. Is that a made-up word?

I think he's Valerian. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, but it's like that dude, right? It's just, it looks like what a European thinks an American would look like. Yes, yes, totally. That guy was in everything for a few. He was in Chronicle. He was in the second Spider-Man. Damn.

Amazing Spider-Man 2. Yeah. Isn't there where these guys who were in everything? What was that guy from Ex Machina? He's also in the Revenant. He's also in... Oh, Domal Gleason. Yeah.

He's Brendan Gleeson's son. Who was like, we literally wrote the role for Brian Coxborough. We were like, we had to, like, prepare ourselves for him saying no. So we were like, Brendan Gleason's name came up. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

I love him. Yeah. He's like, oh, yeah. He's amazing. I'm sure those guys take each other's roles all the time. Yeah. True. True.

Although I think, I think Brennan Gleason's a little bit younger. He did, he did SNL like a few years ago. He was funny. Yeah, he was. I liked, like, having, you know, a character actor on that show. Dude, have you seen the movie The Guard? Huge wreck. Like, it's Brendan Gleason and Don Cheadle.

It's fucking great. Great, great comedy. Banshees of Intershin. I love it. Incredible. I love it. And he's so good in it. Yeah.

I like movies that are like, it's just straight up a play, basically. Yeah. It's incredible. It was like Donald, right? Yeah. Yeah. The dialogue was good. The characters were great.

That's a great comedy right there. I've never heard of this. It's fucking awesome. Okay. Highly underrated. Nice. I think it's by McDonoughner's brother. Ah.

Yeah. Geez, yeah, the Irish, funny people. Good, good at dark comedy. Irish and black. Is that they're a funnier combo? Maybe Jew. Well, black and Chinese for three movies. Oh, yes.

They got three movies out of that. Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? Oh, did you pull up that Scotty Pippin thing I sent you? What is that? Let me see it. I sent this a few weeks ago and you just had it. By the way, Rush Hour has a disclaimer on it now. What is it?

A lot of these jokes are outdated. Really? Yeah, that's what the disclaimer says. It says like the buddy. comedies of the 90s were a different time. Yes, yes. Really?

Funny. Yeah. If that allows people to air it, that's fine. Disney Plus, like Aladdin, it's, you know. How many just look at the year it was made and you just... I know, I know. We got to say smoking now, too, which is funny. It's funny.

It's like nudity, rape, smoking. Yeah. But don't worry. The smoking was blurred out. We kept all the rape in, but the smoking, you don't see it anymore. There's a rape scene afterwards. The guy takes out a cigarette. The mom covers your eyes.

Yeah, it's too much. There's a movie. They do movies in the park by my house in Brooklyn now, and it was the Pride Month, so all the movies were gay-themed. And one of them was to call me by your name, which has that crazy jizz and the peach moment, as we all know.

But I thought, I don't know if they would show a straight jizz and a peach. Yeah, in the park. It seems a little naughtier. You mean if the peach was straight? Yes. It just feels like they wouldn't show, like, too guy and a girl fucking.

It's too crazy, but gay gives it a little artsiness to it. And I love that you're rehearsing for your next Rogan appearance. Am I wrong? You can't show straight fruit? Well, I'm not saying the fruit. What is a straight fruit? Straight fruit?

Bisexual. I feel like an apple's a pretty straight fruit. That's true. Apple a day. So Sam sent me this clip. Yeah, it's just Scotty Pippen just lost his mind. I love this. Just posting this.

Oh, man. What does the comment say? The caption? Lots of craziness in the world. Tell me something good, Tom Tree, son. I feel bad for the person who had to film this for him. I know. His friends are just get me walking on this.

I'm partially saying this as a wrestling fan, but athletes aren't meant to live after 50. True. No good comes of it. No, no. Just go into a tower like Michael Jordan. He just invests in things quietly. In Gamble, still 5 a.m.

And Gamble, that's fine. He has to die the way his dad did. Yeah. Oh. You think that was, it must have been his fault. That was a hit. Fuck. Imagine being Michael Jordan and you fucking got your dad killed.

Yeah. That's crazy. You have everything. And you know the conspiracy theory. I mean, that's what they say, right? Yeah. Is that right? You're actually making a movie of it, and Brian Cox is playing Michael Jordan's dad.

But the Mikowski's driving. Damn, that's crazy. It's kind of like Will Smith. You see he rapped in London. Everybody's trashing it. Oh, my God. It came out of nowhere. Dude, have you seen the clips of him rapping?

They're pretty. I saw the pretty girls rap. That was it. Yeah, pull it up. I like pretty girls. It is the most, like, if a gay person he had to write about pretending to be straight. Yeah, I love pussy.

I eat it up like tapy. Loose lips. like ships. Yeah. Yeah, you could wrap this in Paul Lynn's voice. Yeah. Oh, wait, no, he does a live thing. Okay.

No, no. Let's see this first thing first. So this is pretty rough. Yeah. Chris Rock should come up and slap him. It's literally like everyone's calling him gay and he's like, we got my next. We got my next song. You think if he slaps him again, it's like a sitcom.

He'll go back to being normal. He'll go back to Stefan. Oh, look at the sweater and everything. Come on. You know Jade is going. This is why I fucks that, your friend. Oof. It is, it is real.

Yeah, it's pretty gay. Yeah, and just not catchy and no one cares. Well, then he also, he did one where it was, like, him playing a bunch of different characters, and they're all commenting on Will Smith. It's a rap about, you know, people say this about Will Smith, and people say that. And it's, but it's like, he's trying to do, like, the barber shop in coming to a, America where it's like he's all the different it's it's embarrassing yeah yeah just nobody's excited about this that's so crazy because he's one of the most

famous people he's like 55 if he died at 50 he would have been good too yeah I know I know right before the Chris Rock's lap it's like man he went out well there's a fun here's an Oscar that night too it's a fun game to play when they should have died You just take a celebrity and you guess the biggest moment that they could have died. I like it. Damn. So Brando. Brando.

But he, 73. Yeah. Right after Godfather. Damn. But before the weird Oscar thing. Oh, with the American and John Wayne.

Get her off the stage, Pilgrim. Yeah. Oh, guys watch. So this is a good review. This is, by the way, this is what it's, we are now watching a guy watching Wilson. Not yet. Now we are. Yeah. Messy Namar and Ronaldo.

Goal scored on these boys. I actually thought this was pretty good. This is off the cuff. This is not off the cuff. This makes you realize how important Uncle Phil was to his life. Without that guidance. Dude, he had such a run in the 90s, though. Holy shit.

His career now is if he was. raised by Ben Vereen. How did Jazzy Jeff win? How did Carlton win? Oh, I love Carlton. Fucking Alfonso Ribeiro? You're watching it. You're watching now, and you're just like,

man, I miss the Wild Wild West. Yeah, those are good times. I love when he wrapped the plots of the films. Yes, welcome to Miami. He did the Men in Black wrap. Yeah, yeah. You come to the MRIs. He's hosting the new America's Funniest Home Videos, by the way.

That's probably a good gig. Great gig. You show clips. Seems like a nice guy, too. I'm sure he's banging some milfs. I used to love how damning the theme song was, where it was like, America, this is you. Look what you've become.

A guy gets kicked by a Shetland pony in the nuts. That's America, baby. It's not unusual to see that that's his family. Oh, that's a good-looking fam. Yeah, man. Wow. I mean, he was silver spoons before. He's been at forever

He's a good comic actor I like when they would have Didn't they have an episode where he got shot Oh yeah They would take weird turns on that show He went to the hood Well every sitcom had to have The serious crazy

Learn Something episode Yeah and then the serious like I wish I was stronger Than like a hug or something Well they had the one where it was like He gets like Mocked at the Black fraternity Oh

And he's like you know but why I'm just as black as them. And then Phil was like, when will they ever learn? Phil was great, dude. He's the best. Shredder. James.

That's right. Oh, shit. Yeah, he was the voice of Shredder in the original Ninja Turtles. Is he still alive? No, no. He passed away like years ago.

He's like a phenop. You want to see something amazing. James Avery, Reginald Val Johnson. Whoa, world's colliding. You're damn right. Yeah, James Avery. family matters like Batman versus Superman yeah what are we doing here hey Mike

Mike come join us buddy there he is big Phil you Mike Becione everybody Mike Mike did you watch Family Matters or Fresh Prince growing up I'm aware of them I didn't wasn't it was a little uh I was doing push-ups it was like not during my heyday oh Garcel Bufo is in this she was a Thanks for having me on. Hey, sorry, sorry. Even right during, it's like we're watching basic instinct. Like, shut up.

That's the matter. Did he freak off? That's daddy. They didn't tell him that James Avery was coming on the set. Oh. So this is like an outtake, but that they aired it. I remember seeing this as a kid. This was the most amazing thing. Oh, no.

He's like, are they replacing me? He's like, are they replacing me? What the fuck? Yeah, right? Just seeing Uncle Phil in a shirt is like weird. Yeah. That's what I let it play out. I love James Avery, dude.

He was the backbone of that show. Yeah, now you needed him. Best TV dad. Yeah, yeah. I like Cosby. Yeah. What's beautiful about that clip was that those guys, like, they came up together in theater and then they're like, look, we both made it that we have money jobs.

Yeah. Wow. Whoa. And they got the same gig, basically. Yeah. Basically, lawyer, judge, cop, yeah. Yeah, by the way, so typecasted. He's a cop on the sitcom.

He's a cop in Ghostbusters. He's a cop in Dider and Houch. Yeah, but he's a friendly cop. That's true. Lovable cop. He's a, like, a liaison to the community. Yeah, you don't want to be able to. In later Family Matters, when it was just like the Urquil hijinks,

every season they would give him like one serious acting episode. So there was a one where like these two white cops pulled over Eddie, And he's like, you pulled over my son. And then like, the subplot is like, Urkel is Bruce Lee. They had to throw in a silly B story. Oh, no, the B story was the cops. Those writers knew what they were doing, man. I assume this started from the P. Diddy.

There was a P. Diddy discussion before this and then it went into the family matters. I don't even think so. I think we went from Will Smith. We were talking about a little Smith. I mean, shit, remember the, what you're talking about Willis? Gary Coleman? There's an episode didn't get molested in one episode?

Oh, he did? That was the first one of those. No, Dudley does. His friend. They gave him a friend just for that episode. Right. Well, he gets it in the bike shop.

Yes. Which is where all molestations should happen. Yeah. Imagine being that stage parent, they're like you're auditioning for a kid who gets fucked. Now I definitely sound like Rayman, but played by Gordon Jump,

who was also the Batag Man and was on Mississippi in Cincinnati. A very special episode. God, they would have to do this. I was molested by the guy from WKRP in Cincinnati. They had to prep you back in the day. It's a special episode. It's also funny that it's like the theme song is

it takes different strokes to change the world or whatever. That sounds like rule the world. That sounds like a defense of pedophilia. Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. Look, he's watching a ditty magazine. Man, he's literally doing the original Veltraud. I know. You got to quit it?

What? Webster walks in. He's like, wait a second. There could be only one. They think they get little swords. It's Lowlander. That was great. Lowlander.

So it's great speech. Yeah. Mike, you got a new special out on YouTube, everybody. Called Low Income White. I don't know where the cameras are. Please watch. it on YouTube thank you guys both for sharing I appreciate it Nate Land produced Nate Land produced hell yeah these two have been on the road together yes yeah Pete

Davidson gigs yes yeah yeah it's the best man how is that awesome so good crowds I bet yeah it's amazing watching Mike have to learn how to promote because even on the stage is like if you if you liked what you just saw please go to my website You don't have to, but if you would like to. No, I have to do it after every set now, because it's just... It works, man. I mean, yeah, you have to. You got to do it.

I mean, 20,000 people or whatever. Right, right. But it's like a hostage video. You're like, ah, God, please. Yeah, I try to make it funny, but after everyone, it's like, I have to do it. Got to do it. Give the man a little room here. Oh, so I like it.

Those Pete shows are amazing because you are. someone's first stand-up comedian Yeah, yeah There are people there who have never Been to a comedy show And I'm sure the 22-year-old girls Love seeing you guys Yeah, but it's weird

We do look like the fathers That abandoned them But Nate shows too It's like half the people are just there They've never been to a comedy show They're just they love Nate Yeah, crazy So

Damn What's the, when you go out with Pete Do you guys do like a dinner afterwards Or is it just kind of like You're out after? I'm going to go straight to the next place. Yeah. We should drive that night.

Yeah, wow. Go and then drive that night. Bus, I'd take it? No. Sprinter? No, just regular cars. Now, maybe an SUV. Yeah.

But just cars, yeah. We were one time. I don't know if you were on that one, but we were chased for like 45 minutes. By the ladies. By, like, this one fan on the road. Whoa. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I did come out. when we were in Philly it came out of the car and it was just like I mean it's just a window in to what he has to deal with where it's like you get out because everybody's like oh you have to deal it's like no no no no you get out of the car and it's like flash is going off it's like disorientating and people around like us getting rushed into the wow us him being rushed into the building man it's like you're ambushed you know what I mean now the big thing is the eBay guys so you know he was in the Transformers moving and stuff so they have the funco pops and yeah how do they know how do those guys get hip to that? They'll be at the airport at 6 a.m. They just looked up. I was I was at Largo in L.A. with Sarah Silverman just in the parking lot there was like three guys with her record Ralph toys. Yeah. You're like a day before Thanksgiving when Mike's calling a guy. I know. You ain't nerd. You're nothing. Well, it's a spectrum. Yeah. I do have a wife and child. which a lot of those guys do not. That's true. Damn, that's crazy.

Wreck it Ralph. Yeah. If you're in something like that, then, you know, that's like they could sell it and... Yeah, yeah. Is there a market for that, though? Like, how much are they really getting for...

I've signed shit? I'm like, who's buying my shit? I tell them that when they... When they're like, no one wants this. No one wants me. Get Jim Carrier and Eddie Murphy. Well, thing, too, is the more that gets signed, the more of the value goes down.

Ah, good point. okay you're really going to do 65 bucks you know that shipping in is that worth it damn back in the day if you were a retired athlete autographs was like that's how you kept making money yeah sure sure yeah but it was a big deal like joe damagia would just make a ton of money sign you could quit and just be a greeter at a casino yeah that's that's what I remember headshot oh that's an oldie yeah that's a good one $62 42 oh 42 all right my side and you Did a star David? Yeah, always.

So we know it's real. Good point. So is there a discount for the holidays? For the high ones? Does Pete, does Pete is obsessed with Tony Soprano, right? Yes. I saw a thing of him buying like a Tony Soprano watch on.

So we, I'm staying at his place right now. We drove in, my wife's in, Paulie Walnuts's car, signed by, Tony Syrico. You're in Polly Walman's car? That's great. You should have got in the car of the one where the fat guy blew him in the construction set.

What was that going for? Vito. Vito. I'm sure he's trying. And the cowboy hat. That, you know, like, I ended up watching it for the first time, like a few years ago. And that was one of the saddest stories. And what was amazing about it, though, which I liked, like in terms of writing,

they never made Vito likeable. He was still an asshole. But you just... He was a bully, yeah. Yeah, but you kind of felt bad for him. Yeah, because he didn't deserve to get fucking sodomized to death. I mean, that's such a fucking... That's based off a true story.

Is that right? The DeCalvacante family in New Jersey, one of the bosses was... There was a rumor that he was a gay, and that rumor got him killed. So it's based on the truth. Mike looks like he would know fun facts about the mafia. Yeah. No, that's crazy. Everybody's got to have a moment, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He'll nail the Gary Coleman guy. Yeah, he'll do the mob stuff. Damn, that is, uh, yeah, that was tragic. Yeah, I saw a post recently. I forgot who did it.

Someone tweeted this, but it was like, you know, if they made the Sopranos today, they'd make him go to a psychiatrist and his daughter would date a black guy and there'd be a gay subplot. Oh my God. That's brilliant. They just snuck it in. It was that good. You don't even pay attention. Yeah, so good.

I, this is my, my dumb Sopranos hot take, though, which is that I think they should should have just recast the mom the story was about him and the mom no no uh when his when his mom passed away lydia she was so good though she was so good but she died yeah but i'm saying when she died they shouldn't have written in the character out of the show they should have gotten someone she should have vived her because the story was him and the mom the whole time right and then and then it should have cast her as a black mom they should have got an actual on viv remember there was like that there was like that simpsons with like you know we already have three grandpas that are jazz musicians.

Every season there's like a new cousin that's out of prison. They had these like forced antagonist and the mom was a natural antagonist. Speaking of which, how are you doing with Marge dying? Oh, that was just, you know,

it's fine. I don't watch it anymore. Oh, damn. How am I doing with the show dying? But that's pretty big deal, killing Marge. Yeah, but that was a fantasy sequence. She's not actually done.

Oh, really? I thought the lady was like, I want out. Nancy Cartwright or whatever. I thought she went to wherever her poo went. I thought she was really dead. That is the best gig. Harry Shearer records in like his New Orleans mansion. Wow.

And just sends this. You never read. I went to a table read and got to see Castellaneta live. Wow. Him doing Homer live is like, it's insane. And then he goes into Quimby and groundskeeper Willie. Wow. There was a part of it where it was him and grandpa

And he's just going back and forth He used to go on Conan and do that a little bit I think it was Harry Shear and Dan Castellanada You would never see Cabner do it Like on inside the actor's studio They would show everybody else but her There's also an LA law episode Where Dan Castleinetta plays a guy

Who is obsessed with being Homer Simpson Pull it up Yeah go net worth there I want to see that Oh, it's got to be stupid. No, I'm just kidding. I don't know. Man.

You know what's amazing, though? It's like all those guys were just on the Tracy Olman show. That's right. And they're like, hey, you want to just do this voice also? And that's like forever money. Yes. I know the show is shitty now, but it would be nice if it just never went away. I like that it's still going.

I don't know. I disagree. It's kind of just, it's like a safety blanket. Oh, what the hell? this is like a serious show yes that's that's too weird that is really but then he takes

I think he takes the mask off and it's you know and then they get on with the episode I wish it was more voiceover stuff is so it's so fun I wish there was more I did like a few episodes on a 10 year old Tom and it was so fucking fun it's so annoying because people with both of us

are like you should do voiceover I'm like I would love to. I'd love to. But it's so coveted. Nobody wants to give up their job. It's funny, the way that that Homer is, like, you know, drawn. Like, you could tell that is exactly, like, 1992. Yeah, yeah.

That's, like, season three, they're still figuring it out. Yep, yep. Hmm. Back when you could figure out a show. Yeah. Yeah. Now, you better come out of the gate swinging. You got that right.

Even if you do, Netflix will just, like, buy and then cancel a show, like, nothing. Yeah. What do they give you four episodes to prove yourself? I don't know. Something like that. I don't know. But my thing is start firing the guys who said no to a project and then they pick it up like family guy. Somebody canceled family guy.

They made a decision in a boardroom and they canceled the show and then it got picked up again on a different channel, whatever. And now it's the biggest cartoon of all time. That guy should be fired for canceling. Right, right. Everyone said no to Squid Game. Really? There you go. For years.

I think it took 15 years for that to get on the air. Wow. We're complaining about 18 months. We got to shut the fuck up. That's everything. You need one whiny person in the group. You do, he'll just text it and be like, when are we going to know? I'm like, we're not.

I'm used to sending that with pregnancy text. There's only some other ways you could tell your writing partner, we don't matter. Sam writes back, but we're straight white. Don't they respect that? I don't understand. Well, that one night in college, but besides that, yes. It sucks. I think we're just used to comedy.

We just stand up. It either works or it doesn't. Yep. We're used to knowing. Yeah, December 2023 was when we first talked about, yeah, the idea. Wow. Yeah. Crazy.

But it evolves. You know, it gets better. It could have been made and canceled by now. Right, right. There's this great book called Pictures at a Revolution by Mark Harris, and it's like all about the movies. that changed Hollywood in the late 60s so it was like the best picture movie

so it's like Bonnie and Clyde guess who's coming to dinner which was like kind of the you know the fake progressive movie and then they in the heat of the night which was kind of like the more badass one then it was Dr. Doolittle which was a huge bomb

and then the last one was the graduate so it was like how it changed Hollywood but you know Bonnie and Clyde was crazy cutting edge brand new and it took like I don't know like five years to get made really you think you got Warren Beatty and you know it went through all these people

they originally was like True foe is attached to direct it. Wow. But Warren Beatty isn't fully Warren Beatty until Monty and Clyde comes down. True. He's badass. But it's always somebody has to take a risk. That's really what I asked down to.

Somebody's going to have balls and take a risk. The biggest problem now is they just spend too much money on everything. And then they look at everything as being too costly and it's like just lower the budgets. Yeah. Yeah. I know.

Just charge more for paper towels and you can make this show Amazon. Come on. All right. Well, that too. No, but it's like everything that cost over $100 million all looks the same. Yeah. You know, but when you, like, the first Deadpool was only $50 million because Fox didn't believe in it. And it looks different in other comic movies. The love story is more grounded and believable because they had to make it character-based

because they couldn't afford to just do a bunch of action. Yeah. Yeah. It's almost cool to see when, you know, if you look at like an old, Scorsese movie where he had to work within a budget as opposed to now he'd just do anything but when you watch like Mean Streets or taxi driver like holy shit he had to work within

Yeah right right that's used to end Yeah yeah yeah They had run times Yeah like that's the thing too I don't You know yeah you're like the greatest director Yeah sometimes there's too much leash Having you worked with the same editor like talk to Film a shoon maker let her

Yeah she did yeah that's why the movies are still going Oh Did she got cut? She died yeah She's on the cutter of floor no he needs somebody man it's like i i remember when um we were on tour and uh killers of the flower moon came out and everybody everybody went to go see it except me because i brought my PS5 because spider man two had just come out and my son wasn't even like one yet and so it's like this is my only time it's like you know fucking burgess meredith with the books in the vault yeah and i was like

I'm going to actually stay in. I remember even my wife being like, you got to go to the movies that they're going to the movies. You know, like, those who look at you is not like, you know, playing along and everything. I'm like, they know that the Spider-Man told you not to go. Yeah. But then I remember, like, everybody went, but me and they all hated it. I think they walked out.

And you saved three and a half hours. Yeah. You could beat the whole game. This episode is incredible also because people often forget about it is that his wife hates books. and she crosses out every word in the book meticulously. What is she, a Florida teacher? But I wanted to read about

these and thems. There was time now. That was a great episode. It is funny when you go to a Barnes & Noble though now and it's like, it'll be like a table and it's like outlawed books. I'm like, well, they're not really outlawed. I'm looking right at them.

They're right here. Yeah. And you actually raise the price on them. Yeah. Oh, yeah. trending now yeah now it's just like $60 now Martin noble should just transition into a coffee shop yeah that has books I know that's all the public restroom yeah public restroom is really the selling point yeah yeah libraries now it's just hobo heaven yeah yeah air conditioning there's

internet right bathroom do what I when I when I moved to New York in 2007 I didn't have Wi-Fi for like the first few months it just waiting in a library you know that the come filled keyboard and just you knew like who was in the queue in front of you I'm like I got to go on Craigslist to look up chops god it sounds so antiquated you used to have a fucking tape deck remember that the batteries that would fall out yeah remember I'd bring three liter sodas yes yes before the band you still do you still have sodas a lot I mean you have one right yeah yeah how often I'm obsessed a couple of day

damn wow no the band was hilarious though I love the band because people lost it. They were like, you can't, it's a constitutional right. It's like we're not saying that you can't get as much. You can go back and get refills on a 32 ounce. But you just can't have a 64 ounce. It's like, it's an American. I know.

Americans just don't want to be told they can't do anything. That's true. Oh, yeah. It's like when they drinking and drive, it used to be legal. And then they made it a law. And there's a video of like a local news guy. He's like, this is crazy. I can't drink and drive.

What kind of country am I living in? What's next? They're going to take away coffee? I never thought smoking indoors, the smoking ban indoors was going to take. I was like, there's no way this takes. I was glad that took. Thank God. Yeah. It turned out to be a great idea.

I know. I was wrong. I've only been here two days, and the amount of people that smoke outside, I, nobody smokes in L.A. Really? No, so it's like just walking around, yeah, vaping and all that. But walking around, like, smelling cigarette smoke, it's like, it's fucking. I know, especially in the heat. I just love that, like, scientists had to prove it was bad.

Babes? No, just cigarettes. Oh, yeah. No, it's the same thing with the phone now where it's like we all know it's bad, but there's no like, I guess there's, I guess maybe there is. It's coming. But it's not like, it was kind of like smoking where it's like, well, my mother smoked, I was like, where did you think the smoke went when you inhaled it? It went to the penis. It's like, well, we knew, but there was no hard.

Right. There's no evidence out there. They have a Will Smith movie where he's brave enough to be like, yeah, when people get hit in the head in football, it's not good. Tell the truth. Can he rap in that accent? That guy was wronged. That's a crazy story. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Doctors would smoke. Pull up the, if you can find the local news of the guys bitching about drinking and driving. It's in Texas as a woman just furious. But how the hell do people not know vaping is bad? You're charging it in a USB port and then smoking it? Yeah.

You think that's not bad for you? And it's crazy flavors. It's all bad. It feels like you're downloading cancer. It's like 23%. 27% Rod Serling He died of lung cancer

But he would smoke all the time In Twilight Zone Oh yeah Groucho on you bet your life Like five minute cigarette ads 100% Yeah I think cigarettes are disgusting Unless I'm drunk

In which case I'm like fuck I crave one When I'm hammered You gotta have one Get the Zinn Everybody switched to Zinn I was smoking a vape the other night Because I was with a lady

Who was vaping I was like just give it to me And I'm like this is disgusting When you're drunk it hits I get it I get it I like a cigar Every now and then too

I love it the little ones so you don't have to dedicate all that time to it yeah it's very time consuming this is my addiction I have hundreds of not at least a thousand you have to do 10 feet away from the building yeah it's an adult collectible yeah this is Kingo from the movie Eternals I actually got this figure because yeah I'm buddies with Kumao and I just put the head on like other characters so I have like spider kumail yeah that's cool yeah that would be fun if you kept that in your pocket and at the end of the day

you're like after sex you're like give me king go I'm the king of my castle what is this it's kind of getting common this when a fella can't put in a hard day's work

put in 11, 12 hours a day and then getting your truck and the least rain one or two beers he's the white version of that black comic we watch this is a Californian too this isn't like an Alabama keep going I want to see what else we get

where you can't drink when you want to you have to wear a seatbelt when you're driving That one's reasonable We're going to be Communist country The Communist country

I mean look at this She's still alive And the baby is I don't What's the objection With the seatbelt Well it's the forcing That's the fact that's a law now

And it traps you If you happen to drive into water You can't get out And also Also the thing is I know you just became a dad but parenting especially if you tell anyone how to raise their kid right yeah that you have to put a seatbelt all that kind of stuff it's just it it gets so

personal oh yeah yeah i mean going to the playground is like exhausting because you don't know turned on you know we're working together You know if I get arrested for pedophilia That's not good for the show No With the kids That's bad for everyone That might get it launched

That's true A scandal can help Yeah No but like You know You don't Because you don't know How other people are raising their kids

And stuff And if their kid Does something with your kid And you know Even if like Like something like sharing Like no he could have some If he wants

And then they'll be like We're teaching him not to It gets so dice show video it becomes a RICO conspiracy then yeah where everybody gets charged has anyone like have you done anything away and you're like oh maybe we should do it that way

yeah I mean I definitely you know watching other people hit their kids reminds me why I'll never hit my that was that was traumatizing like he like Logan was like one in three months and he was playing with this boy at like a train station and the mom just smacked him

right in front of your kid No, no. Oh, okay. The kid in front of Logan. Logan saw it. Oh. Yeah. That's heavy.

Yeah. Did he cry? Actually, I like that when it happened to my kid, because it showed my kid, like, look, your life could be this shitty. It was like, I don't get my kid, obviously. Yeah. But I was like, he, and he acts out a lot because of it. That's why I leave a Tina Turner photo at the house. Riala has a jellyfish.

This will be you. He shows this kid the R. Kelly documentary. It would be really. bad for you, dude, you're lucky. Yeah. You want to be trapped in the closet again? Volume 23. Nickelodeon dock again.

You want to get slimed? Quite on set! That was a dark doc, dude. I watched it, too. That poor kid, man. Jesus Christ. That's the thing that gets greenly. You guys should do a documentary

about something. Not trying to write a show. Oh, yeah. Something that's already out there and the dark side of it. Child abuse. Yeah. Yeah.

The dark side of child abuse. Yes. Because everybody knows about the upside. Damn, she looks rough. Poor man of binds. Yeah, something went bad. Look how cute she used to be. That's my type, that age.

What, the one on the left? She looks like the fucking blueberry, the Rihanna roll. Jesus Christ. She looks like she's about to say something sassy to Drew Carey. Ah, me. On a blowboard. We're doing a lot of 90s. sitcoms on this.

Jesus Christ. That show was great, man. That was a really innovative show. Blue Collar Seinfeld. Oh. That's what it was. It was Seinfeld for pores. I like that.

I like that show, yeah. Drew Carey's kind of underappreciated. Ryan Seiles, just... Literally poor man's creamer. Deidric Bader was great. Yeah. He's the George. Yeah, yeah.

And they had the girl who was too attractive. And then that's Newman. That's Newman. Yeah. It's actually the actor who played Newman. that's wait night that's wait night during the day that's wait day

damn dude and then they would do remember they would do like do like improv improvise like episodes and stuff and they would do a musical episode yeah

it was fun it's cool when shows took swings like that back in the time even if it missed you're like all right you tried right yeah now it's a live one

remember that yeah that was well that was the improv one yeah and they would do it in they did one in the east coast and the West Coast and yeah cool 30 Rock is such a good show so good it's so good from I mean

it's ridiculous and it's like why it wasn't this commercially I mean it was yeah it was too smart it's like people are tired from work and they sit down it's like they just don't want to think yeah I think that's what it is I mean the sex symbol that Scott adds it could have been if we just let him into our hearts I feel but it went like what seven seasons it was a huge hit it was it was a critic what is it critically acclaimed yeah whereas like what's the Charlie Sheen show? That was like a huge hit. Two and a half men.

So that was a huge hit. How many seasons was it? The 30 Rock was like a critically acclaimed. It was critically acclaimed. 30 Rock. Okay, do you, Mark will remember this guy. I don't know if you guys will, but it's one of my favorite sad showbiz stories.

Do you guys, you guys remember Gawi? No. Hey, we might be drunk as brought to you by Shopify. If your business plan is wing it and see what happens. Well, you need Shopify. the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and a whopping 10% of all e-commerce in the U.S. From household names like Mattel and Jim Shark to brands, just getting started, it's what all the

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for details. Restrictions and important safety information. Pull it up. I don't know. So I call a few after four beers But Gawie was this open micer at the pit Old guy with glasses ball And he sounded like Elmer Fudd, he's like, I'm Gowie.

I don't remember that guy. Okay. You remember him? Yes. All right, so I remember he told me this. Vaguely. He told me this story where You'll never find him.

He was like covert up. Yeah, yeah. And I do believe he passed. But he was on 30 Rock as an extra for years and years. And he told me this story. he was like and Tina said that I was going to get a line in the finale and and and then I watched it in my shelter he was in a homeless shelter like watching the episode of 30 Rock and saw that his line was cut damn wow the cast of characters that we saw I remember charlie abelson oh he's got to be dead vampire angry bob angry bob bell yeah I mean they they missed the kill Tony boat

They'd be right in there With her fucking pen of Psycho They'd be selling out a funny bone Once Here's the thing A lot of those guys would still bomb on kill Tony Because they'd be like, I can't just do one minute That's true

That's true Damn, yeah Because they gave you more time At the Village Lantern It wasn't just one minute You could really explore your soul At five Is Colin Kane

With a drink ticket? Is Colin Kane still around A donkey punch fame? I don't know I don't remember. Yeah, he's got to be, I don't know where he's there. That was my favorite thing about the Village Lantern is there would just be a big sign, Colin Kane's donkey punch. Yeah.

It was a show that was there. I know he was, like, it was maybe 10 years ago, but he was like, he sold out Gotham. I remember that. He was selling out. He would crush. Yeah. Oh, I did an MTV showcase with him, and me and Drucker, Mike Drucker bombed, and he killed, and we just were like, the bullies won. He was like, like, it didn't add up.

like the hot guy who just hated women. Yes. But he didn't start that way. He didn't start that way. No, no, no, no. It evolved into that. I think he was like, because he was running shows at the Village Lander,

and he was like doing jokes, doing real. And then he got managed by Lewis Ferranda at Caroline. So he was getting a bunch of spots there. Yep. That's where I saw. And then, um, but then it turned into, um, it turned into that. I heard a story that he, which did well for him. I heard a story that he turned away Judah Friedlander at like Carolines or something

because he was like, Yeah, this guy's like, yeah, he thought he was a homeless guy. And the, you know, guy shows up into a championship of the world with the glasses and the hat. And, you know, Colin Kane's not watching 30 Rock. Right, right. He was a hunk. I saw him open for Norm McDonald's. I paid the money and saw a Normcdonald, my hero, and then Colin Kane opened.

And I was like, oh, this is weird. Open mic fight. Oh, yeah, was that credit. Oh, yeah, same sentence. You had to go ahead of him. Sheemer. what year wow

I mean this year literally sounds like 2009 I'm taking the eight or nine oh eight right now

yeah very nice at comics it's a different time they still owe me money yeah really piece of shit club

damn the one in Foxwoods no no no weirdly they made good yeah the one in the meatpack in New York City 14th Street that was like our room

we'd go to Ochi's every week the place that was closed down by white rap. Remember Tom McCaffrey started doing rap there and the last show that they did was like what of his shows and it's like for a club

to have their final show be a former comedian turned rapper. Some say the world will end in fire some say nice. I say. But that's how it always is when that comedy club opens. It's like they just raw out the red car before. We want to share our comics right. Yeah. Like

you know, dinner menu, we want to eat free meal, whatever. But by the end it's like okay you get choice of these five snacks yeah and then we'll pay you two weeks yeah yeah I remember the first they're like pumpkin ravioli holy shit the hell's going on here CBs was the same way you're like whoa

yeah yeah yeah yeah but you know they're laundering something where they're gonna fuck you I remember showing up and he's like I can't pay you but he's like I got these bottles of wine I don't drink it's like and you stole them very clearly the most criminal shit I can't pay you but do you like

cigars. Yeah, I'll blow you. I love that. It's a fencing operation now with a comedy element. Don't go near the Cuban embassy with these. I remember Norman and I went to comics, like it must have been 2010 and we watched, it was Greg Geraldos last time headlining through, and

dude, we were like every other joke. We were like high five and we were kids. We're like, this is incredible, you know? Incredible. I saw Patrice there. I saw Geraldo there. I saw Marindu do a what the fuck with Attela was on. I think Geraldo was on.

Oh, wow. It was incredible. Who else did I see there? I saw some, I saw Aziz coming out. I saw Mulaney there the first time. I saw Louis Ducameless there. Wow. We met you and Solomon.

Where is this? I was there. That was a great hour. Great hour. Where is this place? Comics. I lost a comic. I lost an ECNY.

It was me, Dad St. Germain, Kate McKinnon. What's an ECN? What's an ECN? There's the emerging comics of New York Awards in 2009 and went, I was nominated for Merging Comic. Don't worry. You guys won in the end.

But, yeah, it was, you know, it was like, it was like alt comedy awards, basically. Yeah. But, yeah, it was Kate McKinnon before S&L, and she was nominated. And, yeah, Mike Kaplan won. We were always in the basement doing the Ochi's Lounge. It was like the B room. We were always doing the open bike. But to go upstairs was a, oh, it was a real treat.

It was, it was exciting. I remember the first time I got booked upstairs. Yeah, me too. That's what I fucked up, DeRosa's, in, in. and he yelled at me for like a half hour. That's hilarious. I don't know what I was thinking. It was like 2010 and it was the height of fear factor or something.

And I was in the green room. I was hosting. I was so nervous. And I go, hey, everybody. Next up, give it up for Joe Rogan. And the crowd was like, whoa, shit. Hey, a TV guy. And it was Joe DeRosa.

But the Joe's and the O's and the R. I fucked it up and he walked out in this disgusting, smushy, you know, pasty Egyptian walks out. And they're like, ah. So he claims to ruin his whole set And eventually his career And he's Have you held it against him ever since?

What do you mean? That was my fault Oh, okay I fucked him screaming at you Oh no, I fucked him as well He was half joking But he was pissed Okay

Damn What could you do? Dude, I remember We judged a roast battle In Austin And this Guy came up to him after and was like you know

you were you know you could have been a little nicer and Joe's like I was being nice you were terrible wow Joe I loved Joe man I remember the one time we were at the stand and a guy came up and did the whole you know heckling but I was just helping

out and just like no you weren't yeah we're not helping out like just to have that I never have that confidence no I love a guy who's this close to the edge at all time he's this close to breaking and his posture also suggesting he wakes up

at like Michael Douglas and falling down levels well the best St. Germain roast joke he goes DeRosa you look like you are constantly hearing about Sandy Hook did you do St. Germain's I remember St. Germain had a roast

and Comedy Central came and they were like this is the meanest thing that we've ever seen we went for the jugular and everyone. It was brutal yeah that was fun roasting got kind of crazy it's on youtube somewhere i think yeah it got to a point

i remember hotel one saw one of them he was like jesus christ keep it surface like you're like digging into people's like family tree yeah because it's your career and it's like if you it's like this is my big break so let me dig up this guy's dead dad that's what it was call him gay dead relatives yeah it was really i never

talked to to ralphi after rose battle oh yeah you killed him we thought it would be the cholesterol it was you it was me Ben and Jerry all right you had accomplices I was watching that

roast live you versus Ralphie Mae and I was like he's gonna fucking kill him on stage I watched him yell at Jeff Ross like you fucking you know backstab me

you're supposed to be my friend and Jeff's like you didn't have any jokes can I could I tell you what happened before it was crazy so like you know I said like

hey is there anything off limits and he goes I'm an open book say whatever the fuck you want and of course he didn't realize like you know i googled his divorce and but but i remember when we were filming um that day when we were doing rehearsals a guy is like on his knee filming up and he's like you're giving me the fucking godzilla shot you're trying to make me look fatter wow and he's like getting mad at the camera angle that's why you look fat yeah right and i just i just i just

remember I'm like knowing what I was going to say and I'm like if this is pissing you off buddy do you remember any of the jokes I remember all of what give me one do the ring joke oh the roughest part of Ralphie's divorce was getting the ring off his finger this one I mean this is the one that like this is my opener because his whole his whole narrative was every other comic is just going to say I'm fat and and their hacks for doing it right so I said you know Ralphie's going through a divorce. It says a lot about your shitty personality that your wife would rather take half your money now

when she could wait three months for all of it. That is fucking vicious. So that's when he he immediately is like, wait, what did I get into? Yes. Because he brought the little febrize bottle of it. So you smell bad or whatever. Yeah, the thing was just that I stink and he called me Pepe Lepe Lepeu. And then my

closer, one of the best jokes I'll ever write was you know I know it's hack for me to call you fat and then he leans into it not realizing he goes it is

I was like but your family's gone everyone deserted you and that fan beat you on last comic standing the reason I make fun of your weight is because it's the only thing you haven't lost oh

that's poetic now now here's ironic that joke has no fat on it here's here's the thing And the way that his face shifted when I said the DAT fan thing was just that was... Liposuction, right? But that was where he legit got really pissed.

Sure. It was like, come on, man. Because it was in Montreal in front of all these execs. And you know there's those guys who they can't let something like that go. Like, he surpassed that fan in every fucking way. Oh, yeah. It was a great comment. But he lost to him on a TV show.

And I knew it would say. still bother him. Of course, of course. Wow. Yeah, but we never talked to GED. I ran into his ex like two weeks later,

which made me feel really bad about it because she was like, you got him, you got him, good job. I'm like, I didn't do it for you. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, the real loser is the stool. Wow, he's a stool and then another stool. Wow. I think even though Zembek would have been, I can't do anything for this.

One of his reps came up to me like a few months after he's like you went too far and I'm like you're the one who keeps book it up he's like you know it's like you know roast panels it's like you know you're in a fucking UFC fight yeah and you're just like

if he had said hey divorce is off limits then divorce is off limits right well you're like a backyard brawler and he was like a like an Olympic wrestler and you just went in and he wasn't a roast guy though he was obviously a very skill comic right you know He was prolific and he was a murder on the road. Even his friends were like, you know who's a better cop.

I never said he wasn't. Yeah, we're doing a roast battle. I just said no one loves him. You went for one? I just said it was fat in 15 different ways. Yeah, you went for the juggler. It's not easy to find. The weird thing is you drink more soda.

Maybe high fructose corn syrup business. Well, I had to think like his audience. You had to Donnie Bresco. damn poor guy remember a few months before we battled he was really mad at Chelsea Peretti you remember on Twitter because she had an album

a special called one of the greats ironically yeah yeah and he was like I've seen Richard Pryor I've seen you know George Carlin you're not one of the greats the whole thing was like it's a joke yes and when I saw that I was like why is he in a battle man

This is not Damn Yeah Well All right P Yeah He's taking up

Two seats On that flight To heaven He broke The stairway Yeah He was him and Brian to work

Did you see What they said About you Did you see what they said on that podcast About my boy Ralphie

They broke my boy Yeah Ralphie is Luca Brazzi Wow Damn No one had to tell him to take the canoli He's Fettuccini Alfredo There we go

All right Poor Ralphie Good comic Check out his own albums I mean now promote him Yeah Check him out on iTunes He was unplugged in 2017, but we're plugging him in 2025.

Damn, dude. Luke Bronsie. He was a pro wrestler. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Ralphie was? No. No, no.

No, the guy played Luca Brazzi. Damn. Mount Ralphie was sumo. Did you know Uncle Jr. was also in the Godfather? Yeah, probably. Yes. You know this. two yeah who is he no he's Johnny Ola Johnny Oley

wasn't a part junior wasn't a part two maybe yeah yeah I just watched I've watched Goodfellas last week and I was like holy shit forgot Tony Syracos and this everybody yeah everybody yeah those guys is just they probably had like a you know like Guinea Express yeah yeah well they he's from Brooklyn they're all just yeah they don't know each other

it's the same 10 guys in all the movies I think Johnny Ola But think, like, even if you say, like, two lines in a movie like that, that's at least $100,000. I'm not thinking just residuals. Definitely. Oh, Godfather residuals must be nice. The guy who was the warden and Shawshank, he was like, he said six figures. It was really like when T&T was showing it every week.

But that guy's acting a lot, that character. Remember when you're like, you didn't know what to say to your dad, so you just put T&T on and hope Shawshank was playing? Yeah, right, right. By the way, look this up. Also, an Ace Ventura, too. Oh, that's right. That's Ralphie's wife looking into his butt. That's what the donut sees before Ralphie.

You either start living or start dieting. He's hitting the fight with a rock, but it's just chocolate. Look at how much a woman speaks in Shawshay. It's just the poster. It's just the poster of Rita Hayward. I think so. I think it might be the record. Any, dude, any fucking of these, like, mob movies, like Godfather or else.

Dude, the Irishman. Does that prison movie pass the Bechtel test? Two female. Ten seconds. Wow. Damn. Saudi Arabian approved. But even if you watch it in Saudi, like TNT, their faces are blurring.

They're veiled. Wait, so Mike, do you have new material? Are you back on the road? You just shot it all. I don't have any. I don't have. I have some Pope stuff. Oh, there you go.

That's funny. That's the first thing I asked me when I got off stage last night. Do you have any Pope stuff? He's so cautious. But you're working on these chunks. It's like, I don't know how you guys do. I mean, I know. Sam, we talk on the phone.

Yeah. So we're going through jokes. But I'm trying to work on like chunks. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it's like it'll work in front of someone. You guys have your own audiences now. So it's like, but it's like it'll work in front of some audiences

and I won't work in some in front of other audiences. And it's like, I can't live with that. So it's like I have to go back and then retool. So I have a bunch of those. I have a bunch of chunks that like are constructed, but not really working. Yeah. Which is frustrating because it's like you got to go back. And then it's like, let me get some confidence by just writing a couple of jokes.

With these standalones or whatever. And then maybe they can lead to something. cater to like just Nate's crowd or you want stuff that could work anywhere. Right, right. Yeah, that's it. I mean, I have to survive. They're hot, they're great. He's doing arenas.

It's unbelievable and they're really hot. But it's like I'm still in the clubs and the city. And then I go on the road and work funny bones and stuff. So I have to kill there too. Oh, yeah. So it's a- Yeah, but you're a killer, man. You always turn it around.

You always, every time, every hour, it's like. Killer. Well, thank you. But, but I need to like, I find it talking. it out really helps too because i used to be a sit down get a cup of coffee and just churn it out and then see how does in the set and then listen back or whatever but but it really helps to like sit down get on the phone and like it's a lot of energy though it is a lot of energy to do that to write it and then and then sit down and talk it out and then you just got to keep working with

it though yeah the writing alone in your room it's so i feel like sometimes i'm the only guy who can't crack a joke you ever just stare at a thing you're like what is it where do i go and you feel like does Do other people do this? Right. Just me who sucks. Oh, I did. There was all that Epstein news yesterday. I'm going to write a good Epstein joke.

I spent like a couple hours on it. I tried like eight Epstein jokes at the cellar and they all fucking whiff. Also, my neighbor was like, can you get me tickets? I'm like, yeah, but I'm doing what I'm going to do. So now my neighbors just had to watch me bomb eight Epstein jokes. And I was like, I don't give a shit. But then you get into that thing where it's like, you were on an Epstein Island. Yeah.

But it's like, you get on a thing like that where it's like it's exciting because it's topical. But then you do what you did what you did. there where it's like, okay, how much time do I spend on this? I know. Like how much time? I know. We're all stubborn and like whatever, but it's like, how much time should I spend on this topic that's going to be out of the news in six months? Or three

months. It's like, well, it's been a few years. The Epstein jokes have still been working. Yeah. But now it's a new angle that there's no list. The DOJ or whatever. Sam's I've seen jokes didn't bomb themselves. But I mean, wait, when he'd kill himself, 2019? Right. Right.

I mean, yeah, it was when he was murder. I don't yeah I think like I'm not a big conspiracy theory this guy but a guy like that has too much confidence to kill himself I agree there's like too many guys I'm one of the few people who believes he killed himself I believe he killed himself I believe he got there and was like he had this big Italian cellmate who killed like three people and was just like a kind of a bully guy and he was probably bullying I could imagine and Epstein saw that and he's like

this is jail when I get to I'm not even out of penitentiary yet like this is the rest of my life I'm just going to get and he's fucking kids which is like a big no-no you're just getting abused in prison and he's had a great cushy great life yeah yeah obviously he's fucking

well not a great life more but you know I don't know dude I did mean that I don't know it seemed like a pretty cool life to me do you do more pedophile jokes or less pedophile jokes not that you're a I've tripled down To the kid I just have my kid introduce me

To other fuckable kids Yeah that's the only reason I had him Marsh banned from daycare Yeah From picking up his company I remember when my sister had a baby I got her I got her Lori Kilmartin's book About having a baby

And I didn't realize she named brought me in the book As having a dead baby joke Oh my sister's like she mentioned you I'm like oh geez I didn't I like a joke about leaving babies I think it was like an old joke. It was like, I saw the headlines that Stone Dad leaves baby in the oven.

I'm like, it should say Stone Dad puts baby in the oven. That's like the shocking part. Yeah, right. Not the leaving, you know. But I didn't say it was an A plus joke. That's a good. I remember that joke. But I was like, holy shit.

That was a big Italian guy. Thanks for showing that. Yeah, that was a guy. He was a monster. He killed like three people. And he just, I think he just, he felt that. And then going to like a penitentiary. He's like, I.

I just can't do this. Yeah. Right, right. But that's my fear. I know everybody else. Cameras are just magically off. Nobody saw it. Nobody saw them dangling there.

It is also hilarious. So that like, you know, Trump's whole thing is like, we're putting out this fucking list. And then a few weeks ago, Elon Musk is like, he's on that list. That's why he's not releasing it. And now Trump's like, ah, we got to figure it out. I don't know. Yeah. And Trump's like, we'll deport Elon.

It keeps flipping. Yeah. Trump is like Matt Damon and the departed. He's like, we got to fucking find that. this guy's you know coat switch yeah yeah it's too much to keep oh it's a lot to write and people go you get so much material huh you know random people and you're like I can't do it all it's too much it's tough when it's that biggest story because you're just like well everyone's taking swings at it it was like a so yeah I mean but it's almost just a way to keep the muscle

strong yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's also like you know the the day that he was like it like I just knew it was going to be exhausting because like even like the first time like when people who don't care about politics are like looking up what impeachment means and all of that like we didn't do that with Biden we would not have done that with Kamala like did you know about habeas corpus like when

the uneducated are trying to educate themselves that's a problem and when everyone's like deeming themselves a political comic like either go for the joke or don't but you know but when everyone's like here's the angle here's how you should view things you're like that's that's not what you do with Twitter it's a 350 person

writer's room so you're like I think I got an angle and then you open Twitter and you're like yeah there it is the problem too is that most Trump jokes anybody can make I know that's why it's so hard to get an original one yeah and and it's like

yeah there what are you actually saying it's like you know it's a take you try to get a new take I got this one I don't think anyone's touch is about him being orange I think it's gonna fucking hit dude I call him commander and Cheeto wait a minute whenever I see someone like orange man bad takes

I'm like have you not you don't see this out there. I mean, you know that they were like, on all those late night shows. They just took out their old. They just, you know some of the jokes you're hearing now are from the first term. Like, they're just repeating them.

First term jokes. What about his hair, though? Is anyone tackled at that? Nah, that's, that's all you, dude. All right, I'll try it. Yeah. But it's old half to us, but you put a joke out there like that, it'll go viral.

It'll go. If you have a slightly original one, it could pop. That's true. Also, like, you get rewarded for speed on Twitter and things. Like, if you get there first. Yeah, but there's accounts that just, like, poach your joke. I know. There's that, too.

You see the same joke over and over. But now it's hard to do a late-night show because by the time the show is out, everyone's, like, made. So, that's what you really have got to have, like, a unique angle. Well, topical world. Look at Josh Johnson. It's just, it's topical. Some people like it.

Well, it's also Twitter what happened was a lot of the people that got writing jobs from Twitter could not hang in an actual writing job and they stopped hiring from Twitter. Oh, is that right? Yeah, that was happening a lot where it's like, to write on, like, I've worked on like the soup, like to write on a show like that, the amount of output that you have to have. It's like it can't be like a couple zingers a day. You have to write like 80 jokes. I don't know how you do it do

Because you're one of those people that you get a subject And Mike will fucking Like we all know this He will rattle like so many fucking Even working with Mike on the Netflix thing It's we're working on the show You just see he is a fucking You are built for those rooms

And very few are Right Well it's work you know It's like it's that thing of I remember when we did the movie awards in 2015 And it's like And you it's funny is like What's great about them

It's different than stand up Because stand up It's like you are trying to find the best thing. When I write on a shit like that, I put the worst thing, too. I agree, yeah, throw it all out there. Because it's also, it's like, you're not saying it.

Yeah, right. And let them choose. Yeah, exactly. I think it's the best thing. And it can jog another thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There are jobs where you're just filling a page. I mean, it was like amazing, like working on the, on the globes with Nikki

or it was like, we spent like. She killed that. Oh, it was phenomenal. And the hard work was there. Like, she went up almost a hundred times. she basically it was like we started in November and it was funny like one of the jokes that aired was the first one that I submitted hey that feels good yeah do you remember the joke yeah it was like you guys can do anything except tell people who to vote for wow you wrote that one that's a great yeah great opener great great to like

that's like a nice but good for the room too to kind of zing them a little bit but not too much Not Jervais. Hey, McDade in the back, you know, tall. I remember I posted this photo on my own wall

and a white woman, of course, was like, oh, I bet you're the kind of guy who adopts a black baby to feel better about yourself and call yourself progressive.

Damn, so that was, that was, you should be like, no, I do it for human traffic. It's actually much worse. If you heard of Mark Norman,

he's going to buy him in a few. I don't go with the black ones. Yeah. But, Yeah, but I'm a little appalled by the diversity. Yeah. I'm sure that came up at some point. Right.

Oh, yeah. Good times. The guy next to JP is black. Not on my watch. And the guy, okay. It's like, where's Waldo? And then, okay, the guy next to him, that's John Max. He writes on everything.

Oh, really? He's the guy. He writes on every single award show. He was one of a joke. Koi's guys. Oh, I don't put that out. But there is fault. But don't blame him.

He actually wrote the line where we said, you should blame us. You're going to be that when he dies. That's you, baby? I hope so, yeah. I'm trying to vanch my beard, you know. Circle gets the square.

But yeah, you're going to be that guy. I would happily be that guy. When you guys walked in, was it like Reginaldville Johnson and Avery? We worked on a, thing with Brad Pitt together, me and that guy. What was that? It was just, he was doing like some award show speech. He was presenting David Fincher or something in France.

And you wrote jokes for Brad Pitt? Yeah. How did that come about? Through him, because I did the spirit. Can you help me with this custody hearing, too, I'm working on? Give me a couple of singers up top. Can you write from the perspective of beleaguered adopted dad? Because they're both adopted black kids.

Yeah. Yeah, but... But he doesn't keep in touch with any of them. No, no. Whoa. Elon doesn't either. I'm trying to, you know, the autistic dad thing, I'm trying to, you know, take that back to. So what was it like working with Brad Pitt?

I mean, you just sent jokes. I never... Did he respond or no? I don't know. No, and he never did to me. Like, John was, like, working with him directly. He ran him at the company store, right? But then, like, paid in cash and sent, like, a fucking, like, $500 bottle of wine.

Hey, you know what I don't drink wine? It's so funny that, yeah, I was like, can you get me more action figures, please? Can you get me Angelina Joel Lee who played Ajax in the interiors? I heard that. I heard this new movie is good, the F1 movie. Yeah. Oh, yeah, he's actually great, man, he's a great actor.

He's doing the rounds, too, five. Let's get him on here. Yeah, he's awesome. Bullet train was great. Was it? It was a lot of fun. And Angelina Joe Lee played Thina, not Ajax, that was Samaheic. I know someone would be upset and it would be me.

That was upset. Yeah. Yeah, Brad Pitt's run has been. pretty fucking amazing. Yeah, I think he's great good movies. He produces good movies too. Yeah.

I love that he's the guy who frees the slaves in 12 years of slave and he produced it. I wonder who should play the hero here. Me. He also played,

didn't he play a Nazi? No, he was a Nazi. He beat the Nazis. He was like a fogg of legboard. He was cool as fuck in the movie. Yeah.

All I know is Fight Club. Fight Club is good. I was awesome. I didn't watch it too late. Fight Club was ruined by the people who love fight club it's like fish

like your fans aren't helping you yeah but they're just both so good man I love those two actors and David Fincher is awesome oh my god that's the book you were talking about about the not producing the movies that are great I would say the same for review guys

I just watched the lead Zeppelin doc they gave horrible reviews to Led Zeppelin out of the gate this band sucks they're not talented they're the worst sorry that came out of that no No, I know you mean. But, yeah, like, they don't put on shows that are good, but they also review everything horribly. Well, you know, you, you were asking me about pet peeves, right?

Yeah. We've got to get to some. And reviews was a big one for me. Because, like, the Superman movie is coming out. I'm really excited about it. And, you know, they just lifted the embargo. And there's people, you know, review bombing it because I like the Zach Snyder stuff and all that. My big pet peeve is don't listen to reviews.

Thank you. I was talking to a friend, and this whole thing was like, me and my wife wanted to go to a movie, and we couldn't decide because this had this on Ron Tomatoes. It's like, just go to the movies to go to the movies. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Fight Club is already reviewed. Is it normally reviewed?

No, I think it got booed at a festival. I think it was pretty well reviewed. I pull it up. I think it was like this is like a man-child, you know, bullshit movie, blah, blah, blah. All right, I take it all right. Anyone's pretty good. Wow, that's incredible.

You know that 96% popcorn is beating up the 4%. I mean, yeah, it's like... That's a fair peeve for sure. Well, like, Shawshank bombed, you know, when it came out. Theatically, yeah. That's crazy. I'm made for Best Picture, but... That's true.

But a bomb. But, I mean, I had one of those moms who was like, I don't want to take you to those Adam Sandor movies and those Chris Farley movies. Because they always got, like, bad ratings in the paper. Sure, Ace Ventura got bad reviews. Oh, yeah. All the comedies get horrible right of them.

Well, there was the thing. Indian Living Color book It's a great book Homie don't play that Where they talk about Bullying Jim Carrey Because they were like He would stay at the office

After Everyone went home And work on Ace Ventura But they were like There were the amount of people That they That was a dead script That they had passed

From this person to that person And they're like There's no way this is going to work And the talking out of the butt thing And sure Who else could have pulled that off though Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he was honing that character

on stage for years, right? Maybe, oh, that's great. That is my nightmare. I like that you didn't do, Nicky, so I can work again. Thank you. It looks like he walks. It's somehow more diverse now.

Look at all of those fathers of black children. I worked down some peeves. Let me see what I got for a peeve. I got a couple peeves. This is a classic peeve. Maybe I've said it before, but it just gets annoying. You know, when you're in a room with it, one guy, just you want a guy in a room. And you go, what did you eat for lunch?

And they go, who me? No, you're the only guy here. That drives me fucking nuts. Who me? That feels like you're pitching on the first day of Seinfeld. Who me? That's not a small talk, though, Mark, isn't it? Is it small talk?

Well, is he setting you up to let you know what? the big lunch was. Well, I just mind-boggling. I'm like, who else, there's no one else here. Who else would I be talking to?

The who me? Like, oh, me? Like, he's caught off guard. Yeah. I don't get it. It's crazy. I'm talking to you. I'm looking at you.

You're the only person here. Everybody go, me? Yeah, you. Yeah, who are you hanging out with? Betty Boop? What is this? What are me? I got a good one.

Oh, me. It's, when you're on a plane and you land and they take off the seatbelt sign, it's, supposed to filter out just one row it's naturally one row at a time filtering out everybody knows that and but there's always usually one person who gets their bags immediately and tries to run for it and they make it like maybe four seats up and then they're stopped and then they're confused as to how they're stopped they're like what what do we it's they don't have to catch another flight I understand if you got a connecting flight oh yeah it's like someone has connected flight yeah but it happens I'm I'm not kidding. It's like at least once, at least every time. Every time.

Every time. There's at least one person who gets their bags and then rushes up and then is perplexed. Yes. That they only got four rows and they're like, what do you think is going on here? I know, I know. It's like, do you see the natural progression of things? It's like, that's what it is. Well, it's also, when you land early, you always end up losing that time taxing.

That's true. It was like, I just landed at L.A. 40 minutes, you know, we got there 40 minutes early. We still exited the plane on time. Yeah, they always happened to be yesterday, actually. That's true. Do you think there's a quicker way to get out of the plane or the way they have it is the way that it works?

In Europe, they open the back door. So you can flood out like that, and it's so much better. Yeah. But they won't do that in America. They won't open the back door. There's a back door on the plane. Yeah. It's in my last relationship.

She went open the back door. in Europe they would I got a call for them I haven't talked to in like 12 years And you're dead There's Brian Cox Hello Samuel The character is pathetic

He left me a message And it was no context Just hey Sam It's Kevin That's the message It's been 12 years I need some context Yeah come on

I need something more than just I can see who it is Yeah Yeah, yeah, that's annoying. How about this guy? Hey, man, can I, can I borrow like 60 bucks? How are you? He does, there's the how are you in after, after the favor?

It's like to be like, I'm not just asking for buddy. I'm checking in, too. How are you before is also annoying, though. Yeah, yeah, maybe it's worse before. They're both bad, but, uh, what would you rather have just a Venmo request? I'd rather that, I'd rather that. Just, hey, can I ask you something? Yeah, just like that.

How are you? You don't care how I'm doing. You can't borrow money expecting it back. If you ever lend someone money, you have to accept that it's gone. I know. That's a bummer. And then if you ask for it back, somehow they get mad at you. Because there was like, I don't know, there was a moment, like, when you're an adult of, like, I can never ask for money again. I don't know when it was, but it just felt like, because someone would do it to you. And you're like, oh, that's sad.

I also don't like when they bring up, they go, I know I owe you money, by the way. I'm like, that does nothing for me. You're aware of it? That's great. That's even worse. We have a tab? Or how about when they owe you 500 bucks or whatever and you're at a bodega and you're like, I'll get the Coke? And they'll go, let me get the Coke.

It's $1.48. You just go $4.998. $0.50. Yeah. I got another peave. Just a simple peave. Referrals at the doctor's office. I hate referral.

I have to go to the doctor to see another doctor. Oh, that's great. You need to write me a thing so I can see the doctor I actually need to see. I hate that. But sometimes there's no referral, which is confusing also, which is like, oh, we'll just take care of it. I love it. Yeah. But it's like, I thought I needed a referral.

You don't. The difference in quality between the Paw Patrol movies and the Paw Patrol series, let me just fucking tell you. You'll know. Oh, yeah. Yeah, did you have any qualms with the TV showing screen time? You worried about that at all with the kids? Yeah, it's fine. I mean, you know, Miss Rachel really triggered my autism.

It was hard for me to watch because they do like zoom ins of her mouth. It's like very sensory like ASMR because she's a speech therapist. So she's like teaching kids to talk. Oh, weird. It is like very helpful for kids, but it's also it was excruciating for me to watch. Right. But he loved it. It was his first thing that he watched.

And she's, she's, I just did an episode of my podcast all about her because of all the controversies that she's gotten in. The Gaza stuff. Yeah, yeah. Which aren't even real controversies, but it's just the people that go after her. Oh, really? What's the name of your pod, Mike? Nerd of Mouth.

Nerd of Mouth. But her whole thing was about, like, kids shouldn't die, and that's a hot take. They called her, like, an agent for Hamas. Whoa. Antisemitic. Because she did a video with a three-year-old Palestinian amputee. Ooh. Yikes.

I'm trying to. Have a nice Sunday here. I'm trying to enjoy my Mata. I don't know who's the agent of Hamas, but I think they work at WMA as well. I got a great deal for you. Boy, she must be loaded, right? I mean, the amount of views she has.

Well, now, yeah. She has, you know. That's why I feel about her controversies. But she has, you know, merchandise and all that, like toys at Target and the Netflix deal. Really? Yeah. Good for the smarter Netflix. And she built it herself in 2019, like started the channel.

And then, you know, the pandemic was like, there is something. I don't know if you're there yet, but when your kid first starts watching TV, that relief that you have of not having to worry about them the entire time is intoxicating. I know, I know. That's why you go on these YouTube kid stuff and it's like 8 trillion views. Because it's every parent in America just being like, yeah. And they put auto play on, so it never ends. Right, exactly.

What about the pen? The who? The crib. Isn't the crib protect them? I don't have any kids. Oh, yeah. But the crib? Unless you're putting the pen.

I'm sorry. It's not a pen. But the thing is sometimes there's an Italian baby in there and he intimidates you. And then you hang yourself on the mobile. How old is Ms. Rachel? I think 42, 43. Wow, she must have wild sex You have to go to the other way

Is there a Mr. Rachel? Yeah, come on. That's her husband, Mr. Aaron, 42. He's a music director and they do all the stuff together. Wow, she's from Maine. How about that? Yeah. All right.

Good for her. She's killing it. Yeah, people love her. Kids love her. It's almost like a hex she puts on you. Well, because so much stuff made for kids is like garbage. Like, designed to be garbage, like cocoa melon and all of that. It's like very, like, quick cuts.

and things and her thing is like focusing on her and eye contact because you talk to them like they're people right? Yeah it's called parentees yeah that's that's the language of like how you change your voice and everything like Ms. Rachel porn

he pulled up his Rachel porn did you put my face on instead? No no don't do that I'll never get a voter again alright there we go I got Rodney's buck Oh yeah Did I skip a peep

Did someone say a peep Or did someone have one? I had the referral one Oh yeah Yeah shit I had another one Oh how about this guy I'm gonna fuck this up But the guy who goes

He won't just tell you something He makes you have to say it You know, I'd be like Remember that dinery we went to last week And you go I don't know You remember the diner Go on

It was the one on 34th I'm like well what about it And he's like What? You know the diner Get on the diner, and I'm like, just tell me the diner. He has to make you, you have to pull it out of you. It drives me crazy. That was our friendship, but you were always drunk and I was always sober.

So I had to remember the diner. You actually did fill in the blanks for us. Yeah, yeah. I don't know how you did it, because those earlierers were so hard. Like, I had a day job. I was living out in Crown Heights. I was getting mugged, doing open mics. And I had to have a fucking drink.

Yeah. Stayed straight. Well, he had his soda and his candy. Yeah. Yeah, my action figures. Yeah. Well, I gave those up when I moved to New York, and then I started collecting again when I moved to L.A. And it is a, it has a more space.

Because I'll buy one sometimes, and it doesn't, you don't feel anything. And that's when you're like, okay, I got to stop for a while. So when you had your eye on and like a big gig, you're like, I'm getting this one for this. What was that? Galactus. Pull it up. Galact, the HasLab Galactus is, he was like, it's like a $400. Whoa.

He's 32 inches. Yes. And he comes with other figures. It's, yeah, I have it in my living room. Wow, that's your tall boy. Yeah. Look at that. Yeah, I got it.

That's on the aftermarket, but, yeah. Can we get you like a used one? There's like a car? No, I have one. Oh, you got one. Yeah, yeah. I got it when it came out. When I would have a job and it's like, okay, I could get this and this and this.

And then, you know, when you're not working, you're like, all right, just got to stay lean. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But there are, but what they used to do is, if this is boring, I'll stop. But they have built a figures where you get six figures and each figure has a piece and you put it together. So you end up buying shit you don't want just to make a bigger thing. Whoa. Damn. That's a metaphor.

Yeah. It's so funny. Are you ever doing that in your wife? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You ever doing that in your wife's like, could you cut the? on or redo the deck. It's like you're putting together

this complicated action figure. She knows what I am. It's like we need the bathroom redone. You could take your action figure skills and redo the bathroom. Mike, when I got my official autism diagnosis at 38 and told her, she's like, yeah,

you think I didn't fucking know? How did you get diagnosed with it? How did it play out? Well, I took a test and so you talk to like the psychologist for like a few hours then you have to talk to your parents

that's the worst part with no eye contact I can do that no now you're self-aware so you have to try to make it it's way worse it was so funny as my dad was like

yeah I probably had that too and then my mom was like I didn't know you weren't supposed to smoke when you were pregnant and and then you it was so funny

I had to go into the psychology office and, you know, the waiting room. And it's just me and a bunch of kids because that's when you're supposed to get tested. Yeah. And then you're doing all of these different, you know, cognitive test and memory test and things like that. Was it cool to be with a kid you could compare action figures? Mine were better. No, and then, yeah, and then I got the diagnosis. Yeah, and I remember like, oh, God, what if my wife thinks different of me?

And she's like, yeah. fucking of course I knew yeah yeah she's like I've been making excuses for you she's like

you're a grown man a silver surfer shirt I knew put it together Adina's awesome she gets it yeah she is awesome she got it

and you can sound cool on a date you're like you know it's Brad Pitt gig I made six figures yeah right right

right and I made Brad Pitt I had to get him two with six different Brad Pitt action figures yeah yeah

yeah the day you sound great six figures working with Brad Pitt, you're at the Golden Gloves. I mean, you're killing it. So say that shit for me, because I always feel weird doing it. It's like, you know, Mike, I was like, I didn't ever even talk to him or anything. I just sent jokes. But I have this wine that he sent.

Yeah, yeah. Is there anyone else you work with that were like, that was really random like that? Oh, all the time. You got quite a resume. Yeah. But, you know, when you write like for award shows and stuff, it's like you're writing for everybody, like you're writing, everything is written. You have to write the intros, you have to write the outroes.

You know, that guy, Max, he often does the patter. But there's, like, patter people where that's their job. When you see two celebrities on stage just talking, like, there's guys who they just write that. Right. Yeah, it's like, hey, Viala Davis, you look well. It's like, that's a good line. Thank you. But the monologue, the way that, like, the monologue works, it was, like, funny with the gloves.

It's like, you get a seating chart. And it was funny. So, like, two days before the gloves, we are all sitting there because, you know, you're helping Nikki with memorizing where everybody is. So we're all, we got footage of this where they would, like, show us. I was Tilda Swinton. She's like, Tilda Swinton is here. It's just me going, yeah, right.

But we would wave so that she would know, like, when the show's happening. That's where Tilda is. That's where, you know, Shalame is. They have to know all that shit in advance. That makes sense. Jeez. It's funny, too, the politics of who sits at what table and everything. And when to make the house.

Halapesia joke. And then the slap, which you write, I assume? That's patter. I know the guy wrote that joke. Someone writing Will Smith is like, I like pretty girl.

She's like, that's it. The only thing I'll say about that joke is like, you know, I've talked to the guy and it's like, he wrote 20. That's the one they picked and he never, you know, he wasn't thinking, oh, this would, you know. And then Chris Rock picked it and he didn't think that would happen either.

No one. No. Such a nothing joke. Halopecia, yeah. Yeah. G.I. Jane? Come on. Yeah, yeah.

Crazy. Mike, you were a wrestler. Byron Allen, everybody. Well. It's coming back. Is it? It replaced the, after midnight. Byron Allen is?

Yeah, Comics Unleashed. Oh, Comics Unleashed. I just got the email. Oh, hey. Yeah. It's in the 1235 slot. Yeah. Nice.

that guy needs more money he owns the weather channel yeah no how is that still a channel i know i think we talked about this already is the signfeld episode too big how is the weather channel a channel well you just go outside it's partly cutting you you've met him a few times do you ever have an inkling to do the voice in front of him he enjoys it wow he enjoys it he's he's very skinned. He can really zing him and he's cool with everything. I mean, you see him with these Palestine hecklers. He's just like, yeah, fuck you. You know,

he doesn't get fazzed at all. I saw an interview where he was like, he said he liked being made fun of, which is like, it's probably the right attitude. He did S&L and the whole sketch is, what's the deal with coffee tables? There, there's no coffee on it, you know, and he's right along with him. Right, right.

Which, you know, it's kind of fun. Well, that whole 30 rock thing was Tina Fey crying. Yes. He's like, are you doing these? Oh, I'm crying. Are you doing an impression of me? No, I'm sad. It's hilarious. Craig Blackface was on NBC. Who was?

She did blackface on the show a couple times. Oh, he said Kramer Blackface was on NBC. Oh, he did blackface as well on Seinfeld. Kramer did? Oh, it was a chicken episode. No, no, no, no. Diver one. That one. Yeah, it was like tan. It wasn't blackface.

He was tanning, right? He was super tanning. He was dating a black girl. And he shows up to the house and the dad got offended. Dude, I think he might have been the one who showed me, Mark, but him apologizing on Letterman. Oh, painful. And then, and then sign-funk going, stop, it's not funny.

Come on. Stop laughing. Because we've laughed at the guy from 15 years straight. He used to laughing at him. Well, also, the warm-up person is like, come on, everybody. He's got to keep the energy up. This guy used to send me shirts,

and they were, like, kind of like basketball shirts mixed with pop culture, this company. and one of the shirt they were some were really cool like he did like a Knicks one a death throw records Knicks one but then he did

one he sent me and it was Kramer in Blackfe he's a black guy so he thinks it's funny but I was like I can't wear this fucking shirt doing a thing

I'm a psycho you have to show them the fork that stuck up your ass oh I forgot about that was it that's not it I don't know where it is

damn yeah man I started around the time that happened and yeah And it was interesting, you know, it's like, there's that part of me that it's like, it did feel like people were saying he's an amateur, and he had done a lot of stand-up before, right? Yeah, I mean, Michael Richard.

Right, right. But was he, he was a stand-up? I think in the way, he stood on stage and did Pratt Balls, and so he didn't have, like, set-up punch stuff. Yeah. Like, he used to go on Johnny Carson, just him, and just, he had a whole character where he was a bad weightlifter and all. The weights would fall off the rack. Right, right. It was a great physical committee.

Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I think they meant amateurs and, like, he didn't really know what to handle himself when things would go to south. And he's been, you know, praised for years and years, then all of a sudden he's getting heckled and yelling at. Yeah. Remember him in UHF? Oh, yeah, Stanley Spadowski. Yeah. You feel when they take that mop.

Yes. My mom! Yes. Problem child. He's the villain and problem child. That killed me as a kid. Damn, he's so young. Look at that.

Wow. Hey, there's weird Al. He's coming to the garden. You see that? Yeah. I might go. He was a guy, too, right? He was like the stickler on Seinfeld, right?

Like, in the outtakes, Richard was the one who was mad all the time. Yeah, he was super. I'm sorry, we had Larry Charles on. Oh, we're having on in the future, I guess. No, we had him on at this point. Okay. Yeah. He said he'd never seen Michael Richards laugh or smile.

Yes. Oh, wow. Until that night at the laugh at the last time. It is funny when comedians get. describe like the biggest sociopaths ever like he's never smiled once i'm like you're in comedy you don't smile ever you're surrounded by jason alexander's and i felt a lane and knowing where that's coming for larry charles of like you know writing scripts for him and hoping that he laughs and oh man i want this guy to love this thing he was just so dialed in and he just obsessed if you

if you would if you would mess up he'd go come on come on what are you doing i think he gave a lot physically to those scenes so i think it's like when you get annoyed when you're given so much It's not working out. You're like, I can't keep fucking summoning this. There's a scene where the AC falls out the window and he does a thing where he chases it and he breaks a rib. So he was kind of a buster Keatney.

He was like, I'll go all in. He's not a veteran. Actually, the guy's like a war here. I don't know. I mean, I'm all for what you're saying, but... Don't worry, the heart is purple. It's not black. It's crazy because, like, he...

That show, like, the... He is a part of the secret sauce, obviously, but, like, that is how you make a show of just protect, like, Jerry was genius of protecting yourself with just the best performers. And the three of the, you know, you know, George Elaine and Kramer are completely different. Yes.

Yeah. But they're all, you know, that you have physical, because there were so many Seinfeld clones, but they didn't have the physical comedian or. Yeah. But before that, it was all family. Everybody was trying to do Cosby. Yeah.

Everybody was trying to do family comedies because it's like, we need to sell. We need family comedies are what's hot. And then that came in and it was like, you know, obviously we know the story. It's like they, and the guy at NBC believed in it or else it wouldn't have got that kind of a run. They were trying to do Cosby. He was trying to do them. And it didn't get a proper 22 episodes to the third season. Yeah.

Yeah. They had a time move and that helped them. They were after cheers at some point. That helped the ratings. But you didn't have taxi and Mary Taylor. Mary Tyler Moore. Taxi's so good. Taxi's good.

That's not family. Barney Miller. Yeah. Yeah. But I felt like after Cosby, everybody, I was really trying to force the family. Yeah.

TGIF. 100%. Yeah. They go with what works. That's a symbol. Right, right. Yeah. Right.

You know. And for something new to break, somebody has to take a risk. Yes. Probably why Marywood children work. Because it was like the anti-Cosby. It was called not the Cosby's. No.

Oh. Look at that. Wow. That's crazy. Well, it's crazy. Because, like, yeah, Seinfeld would not exist now. They would not, you know, that it has a name change of the Seinfeld Chronicles.

And then, you know, Elaine's not even in the first episode. True. But they would, yeah. All my cast. Yeah. But the five, you know, um, episodes of a first season, they would just cancel it after that. Oh, 100%. It was in the summer, right?

I think they just. But then it would get reborn on, too, B. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there you go. See, see Mike on. Tubey? No, you got a special out there. I had Comedy Central

Year's ago. Hey! Here we go. Check out Mike's podcast, Nerd of Mouth. And watch Mike Veckeone's new special on YouTube. Low-income White. Low-income White on Nate Land Entertainment. Two of our faves. Clean as a whistle. Yeah, look at you. Man, you look at rugged and hunky.

Look at that. Yeah. Good nights, Tempe, Des Moines, Hartford, and the Zany's Lab. Nice. Mikevecion.com for dates. Please follow me. Comic Mike Vee. Oh, yeah.

Definitely check that out. Mike is terrific. One of the best. Yeah. Thank you guys. What's the next? First saw you at Ochi's Lounge and Comics. Oh, there you go.

And I was like, that's a comedian. Oh, thank you, buddy. Remember we get a nugget every now and then. You're like, ooh, Hannibal's coming. Yeah. Oh, my God. This is crazy. My lady is gressing us with his presence.

Or what time Marin came down, he was like, look at all you said. I know. people and we loved it oh god i'll be it uh i'll be it uh when does this come out irvine improv and then we got uh oklahoma city then we got uh the venetian in vegas

rochester uh the 22nd the 25th the 25th to 27th in rochester new york Chicago theater Winnipeg a big euro tour in october it's it should be up by now it's gonna be one of those dads that farts on their kid aren't Oh, but he has. He's going to be a... His first words was, please no.

You're just going to raise you. I'll be in Barcelona, London, Paris, Amsterdam, fucking all over. I'm forgetting a bunch of... Dublin, I'm all over... It's on my website. I'm coming out to your place in Europe. Then we got Salt Lake City and the biggie at Carnegie Hall, December 4th. Oh, Reno as well, I forgot.

But, yeah, December 4th. New York, New York. And he will not be writing on a TV show and we'll have plenty of free time. Did we get any news? No, me being impatient. I get a text. Hey, I'm in the Hamptons and Calgary with Adam Ray.

Las Vegas, Dallas. Hello. And then a good old Akron, Ohio, Dayton. Then we're going to Halifax. I've never been there. I'm pretty excited. Ottawa, Huntsville, Hattiesburg, San Jose, Boulder. We added the show.

And then we're off to Europe. Athens, Oslo. Stockholm, Helsinki, Dublin, and back to some casino and Valley Center, off to Magoobis, Rochester, D.C. Chocolate City, Rochester, Niagara Falls, San Diego.

Come on out. Say hello. Get some bodega cat.com. Bodegatatwisky.com. And just DM the Bodega Cat Whiskey account, Instagram, Matt, our boy will get it in your liquor store. Me stumbling in the beauty bar drunk, might have gotten us in a beauty bar in New York.

So that's how it happens. Two guys, we were like, why don't they serve a bodega cat here? And I go, why don't you know, ask the owner right there? And they did. And he goes, you have a whiskey? I think we're in. We got to keep you drinking just for business. I'll keep stumbling in, dude.

Hell yeah, the stumble in. We should work in there. But walk in, you know, smoothly. Yeah. Well, folks, yeah, check out the special, hire Mike to write for you if you're a Brad Pitt level. Are you doing the espies? No. No, something about the way I look in sports.

They just didn't put the two together. All right, we guys are the best. Yeah, this is the fun one. And we'll see you guys next week. Sunday's the day for my next fender. A bit of fever wreck. You know the fear juice close. I've had a little too much bourbon.

And Norman's talking shit about the fucking post. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like a car. Stop's coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her and I get down in the same way. We might be true.