We Might Be Drunk - Ep 245: Patton Oswalt

Episode Date: August 18, 2025

Mark and Sam are joined by the always brilliant Patton Oswalt for a wild ride through comedy, cult films, and chaos. From Gallagher’s splatter zone to the genius of Team America, they cover movie obsessions, road gig nightmares, cancel culture debates, and the lost art of hanging with comics. Plus, they swap insane showbiz stories, true crime rabbit holes, and the eternal struggle of keeping sponge mold out of your marriage. Patton Oswalt: https://pattonoswalt.com/ Sponsored by: Support the show and get 20% off your 1st Sheath order with code DRUNK at https://www.sheathunderwear.com F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the code DRUNK15 at https://www.theperfectjean.nyc/DRUNK15 #theperfectjeanpod 🎧 Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD 🛒 Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ 🎬 Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets ⸻ 🎙️ Check out That Sounds Right — the comedy panel show hosted by the producer of WMBD: https://www.youtube.com/@thatsoundsrightshow Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #PattonOswalt #SheathUnderwear #ThePerfectJean #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey

Hey, we're here. We're doing it. We might be drunk. We got a Pat and Oswald with the tea. Hello, having tea. I can't day drink anymore. I'm two old kids. Yeah, this is an early one.

That's because of us. But we were talking about Red Bank, New Jersey. Killer room. Count Basie. I had seen Lily Tomlin there, like, way back in the day. Amazing show. She was like redoing, like, it was like topical material. And then she redid.

Search for Signs of Intelligent Life. Oh, yeah. Great show. Hell yeah, yeah. Ellie Wong is a special there. It's a big one for specials. It's a great room. Well, because the interior is gorgeous.

Beautiful. Beautiful. Cool staff, but I went through. I'm like filming my own tour doc type movie, and my publicist was driving me. And I have Rachel Feinstein in the car with me, too. She's playing my publicist in the thing. And the publicist is like a dumb ass. That's like the character.

And my publicist is like, I'm not stupid. I'm like, the whole time we're like, you're kind of stupid, though, in a lot of ways. You're kind of incompetent. She's like, I'm not, we get there early to film. She pulls up and she goes, you're going to kill me. I'm like, what happened? She goes, we're at Count Basie Hall, not Count Basie Theater. I'm like, what does that mean?

And she goes, we're 90 minutes away. And I was like, we're literally making a movie about how dumb you are. And you drove us to the wrong venue. And you gave us such a perfect scene. And she just kind of had to take us just abusing her for the rest of the ride there. Wait a second. Did you advertise you were at the Count Basie Theater or the Count Basie Hall? Theater.

Oh, no. She just made it. It was just a brain fart. She just put in the wrong venue into her GPS. She drove us there. She's like, oh, drive, let us, let me drive you. What I'm saying is, where the tick, like on your website did it say, Count Basie theaters, so when you get to Count Basie Hall, there was no one there or they knew to go to the right one.

No, no, everyone else knew to go there. My publicist drove us. She insisted on driving us. Yeah. And I was like, I was like, oh, thank you so much for driving us. And then, of course, wrong venue. We get there. I had all these, like, childhood friends there.

I had, like, this kid I grew up with who's like, he's, like, drinks the same amount he did. in eighth grade when he was like an alcoholic and he brought like eight of his friends and he's like can I bring them all back and I was like yeah fine and uh he walks up to my public assist and he's like he's like dude she's fucking hot and I was like aren't you like seeing somebody's like yeah we just got engaged I was like okay he corners my public assistant and he goes can I get your number wow I was like where's your wife should sit right out there the fucking brother-in-law the whole family I was like what the fuck is What was he arguing, look, we're only engaged.

I still have some time. That's true. What am I supposed to do? It was crazy. It was a weird night. Yeah, that is the flaw of GPS because they have, like I have a street and it's this place, parkway, you know, lane. Oh, that's so annoying.

Oh, fuck you so easily. Yeah, I told her on the way back, make sure to put in Manhattan, New York. There you go. Don't take us to Kansas right now. I remember I did the Count Basie Theater and I went in and you know how gorgeous the interior is? So beautiful. So I was like, wow, look at all this.

And then they went, yeah. And they pointed up to like some little bit of architectural detail. And there was this weird, still kind of shiny, wet stain of some kind of substance that had splattered on there. It was really high up, too. I was like, whoa. And then they just went Gallagher. Gallagher had been in there the night before. And we did the best we could to clean.

But he hit something at just the right angle. It went so goddamn high. The one on the left is Cosby. I never thought of Gallagher leaving a theaters must have hated Gallagher I never thought I just knew audiences and people It's crazy he got to theaters with that schick Oh yeah, that was huge

No I saw him at the fucking Kennedy Center back in the 80s The Kennedy Center Damn and it was a goddamn mess Well Gigi Allen wasn't as messy as him It was an easier cleanup after Gigi Allen than it was Gallagher Yes, Ozzy eating a bat Left less of an imprint

But his wordplay, I thought was pretty damn good I know people hate him Didn't he walk off Maren's interview? He did, yeah Oh yeah Come on, Gallagher Yeah Greatest lines ever in podcast history

Come on Gallagher You hear the hotel door slam Oh yeah It was perfect Damn Yeah It's like a national ampoon radio skit or something And then he had a brother

There was Gallagher 2 There's a whole We did a documentary on Gallagher I don't know if we do We need an A-24 Like weird Airy Astor Horror film about the two brothers And the weird fighting and the

And yeah Because he had his brother Go do smaller venues With the same act Same because Same outfit He was so popular That he was getting all these booking requests

He's like well I want I want all that money too So he like His brother got a nominal fee And then he also got a cut of that He wanted to get all these gigs. And then the brother and he's like, but you got to stay

a certain size theater. You can't go above a certain size theater. You can't go in certain territories. And I think what I heard was the brother went out and really kind of caught the bug like, oh, this is awesome. And just started booking the bigger venues. Like, I think I'm better than the original. That's what you did.

Wow. And as weird as that sounds, I was just, there's this great podcast called a history of rock and roll and 500 songs. So good and so the uh they do one on little richard and little richard was so popular um uh 2d 4d was so massive that he got all these booking offers like just like more than he there's no way he could do them like physically he couldn't be there with so they found little richard impersonators because people really didn't know what he looked like they just knew what he's selling

people that could do him and they would send him to all these other venues and just be little Richard and one of those Little Richard impersonators later on went back to his real name, James Brown. Oh my gosh. James Brown started as a Little Richard impersonator going out like, you get this chunk of the money and the rest goes to us, goes to the Little Richard Corporation. Wow. So he was out doing Little Richard gigs. Wow.

Amazing. That's crazy. It's also like back in the day Jim Carrey doing standup was like all impressions. And then one day, I think it was he said Dangerfield was like just be yourself. You can just be you you'll do better and it's like you know shit and it took him a while to find that He would bomb a lot before he figured out the all righty then and he said that's what it clicked But if you can just click into Clint Eastwood or all these characters it's like fuck it must be hard and it kills well Yeah you know it's like um as funny as Dan Soters material is some of his impressions

Are so goddamn good but he fights it like if I could do soders impressions I would just I would jump into that Well if I could do the impression at the level that Soder can do them. I remember I was talking to him and said, you know, if you were an evil person, you could cause some real problems in these people's lives, like calling up. Like, there's no difference

in what, and he never had to say, like, and now I'm going into this person. He would go to the voice and I was like, the fuck, dude. It was really eerie. He's like the original deep fake. Yes. But did you ever see that episode

where he called in to like CNN or something as Dave Chappelle? Sodor did that? And it worked. They were like, oh, they were like, Oh, we got an interview with Dave. This is great. And he just bullshitted them for like 20 minutes on a podcast.

You never heard about this? This is huge. Pull it up. Holy shit. Oh, yeah. Because I know that there was a couple of DJs in L.A., Kevin and Bean. Yes. And they would do Jerry Lewis.

I think it was either Ralph Garman did Jerry Lewis. And they called France during the Iraqi war. And they somehow got through to the French president. Oh, my God. And they had to go to commercial because their manager was like, this isn't it, like, because it all happened on the air. Like, they were talking. He's like, hello, I just want to help that you would pledge you. But he wasn't doing the crazy over there.

He was like the way when Jerry, I can't do it, but when Jerry Lewis tries to act serious and talk. And it just sounds exactly like him. So you could see the president was like, oh, Jerry, it's so nice that you called. And apparently the management was like, we could go to federal person for this. Why is the FBI using comedians? Like all these guys to like call in. Call in is like a homaini or somebody. He said, who better to do it than Jerry Lewis?

So we got a number of random phone numbers in Paris and we decided to call people up in Paris and I would do Jerry Lewis and tell them that we still want to be friends here in America. Okay. They don't even have, there isn't even a clip of the call because that can't be on YouTube. Oh, wow.

It was all immediately taken down. Oh, yeah. But it went out over the air alive. remember when, because I was driving around, I remember when it happened. Damn. Is he, because I thought, oh, they're calling, they got another comedian in the other line to be the French president, and they went to commercial and came back and Kevin and me were like, okay, we've just been talking to management and we would like to preemptively

appellate, like they were really freaking out. Yeah, I bet. Wait, go back. You had it. Is it? No, it was him talking about it. You went back. You had it right there.

Yeah, yeah. Right? The first, the first video, the big one. The big one. Go down. Jesus Christ, Dad. This was 28 minutes. I'm looking for a clip.

I see. So he did this live on a show, but he got through to CNN? A Fox News, I was wrong. Oh. Yeah, because they wanted an interview about, like, all the trans jokes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, oh, fuck it, let's call him. And it worked.

Holy shit. So this is live on the, but how is the crowd not losing it laughing? They were, and Lewis has to be like, shh, yeah, shut the fuck up. Yeah. Oh, here it is. Hello? How you doing? Good. I'm on a train, so apologies. Can you hear me?

Oh, it's quite alright. I was going to call me real quick because I know I only have about four minutes. That's okay. I have a 1% battery. Oh, gosh. Oh, I just said I wanted to get in quick and talk to you about Louis J. Gomez. You know, you're one of the funniest people I've ever met my life. This is the point they should have known it wasn't Dave. Apparently when Kevin Pollock was doing a movie with Alan Arkin, he would call up the director or producer as Alan Arkin on the phone and make weird, like, make weird, like, demands for the next day. And then they would come and they go, we have like the muffins you wanted. And I was like, what are you talking about?

And then Kevin just said one day he gets a message on the machine, no more phone calls, Kevin. No more phone calls. It's not funny. Like he was real, because he just sounded exactly like Alan. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. That's a weird power to have.

He's in a lot of great movies. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He's in like a few good men. You're in a lot of great. I was looking at your IMDB before we came here. I was like, holy shit. I mean, obviously like.

Don't get me start on the fan. Oh, big fan. Yeah. The fan is a fucking. That's a rough movie. Wait, wait, is that the Wesley Snipes? Yeah. Yeah, sorry, sorry.

That's like a so bad as kind of good movie. Knife salesman. Well, it's, it's, it's, oh God, who's the, De Niro? Yeah, but the director, that guy, I'm not Ridley Scott, but his brother. Tony Scott. Great director. Great director.

Yeah. And it's so frigging preposterous, but it looks so good when they're pitching in the rain at the end. It's beautiful. So it's like this massive rainstorm. And just like at the beginning of Last Boy Scout. I was just going to say that we're just shooting players on the football field. I'm like, this is a reach. Pull it up.

It's a football game happening in like a typhoon. They're not even being subtle about the rain. Who directed Last Boy Scout? I thought that was also Tony Scott. Was it? Shane Black wrote it. Or maybe it was John DeBond or? It really bombed.

I know that. And it shouldn't have because Last Boy Scouts fantastic. It's fun as hell. It's so funny. Damon Wayans. Damon Wayans. Bruce Willis. And Bruce Willis.

Brian, no, what's his name? Oh, God, damn it. The guy from Easy Money. Yes. Who just Taylor Negron. Taylor Nogne. Oh, Nogne. Amazing death

He's really? Yeah he like He gets shot And like fall through a helicopter blade It's an epic 90s Yeah yeah yeah Gary Veter was telling me His dad took him to see that

In the theaters when he was like six And I was like that explains so much about you Was it Tony Scott? Hey You can tell a Tony Scott Shane Black dude Oh yeah Fun stylized

Shane Black has Have you You guys have seen the nice guys That's one of my favorites Of course Yeah They just did that Pick your top 10 movies

Of the 21st Century For the New York Times I was one of the people they asked And I put the nice guys in there. It's a great movie. This should have made $300 million and we should be on our fifth sequel. I know.

It should just be nonstop. That movie was. Gosling is like, it's weird. It's weird for a dude that handsome to be that good at slapstick comedy. Yes. Because he's like fucking hilarious. The toilet stall scene. Yes.

This scene. Oh, God. And Russell Crow is awesome. And Shane Black's dialogue is so good. It's amazing. Kiss, kiss, bang. I love that. breaking the fourth wall it's fun yeah

yeah I love that every chapter in that movie is just like a Raymond Chandler book I love that movie and they're linked they both have gay Perry in them yeah gay Perry's in both of them so that's the link and I hopefully there would be a third in the fucking trilogy yeah those movies are so good it's dude

so you yeah this is this is the fan you know how they play baseball like this the rain you know they have the rain going and not to mention they're playing nine inch nail I want to fuck you like an animal While Benicio del Turo is getting Like stabbed in the leg in the sauna

Wow It's one of the weirdest Song choices for a guy getting murdered You know this movie pretty damn well I saw it a bunch of good The scene where he beats George went to death It's so creepy Because he was like the catcher back in the day

But like he goes we were we were eight years old Like he's still obsessed with that Remember we won this he goes Dude we were eight And then he starts beating in the deck like oh Because he tries to get the kid He tries to say the kid

and De Niro just beats him to death Yeah Right De Niro was on a run of playing

psychopaths here Yeah He was He was like Coming off Cape Fear This was like I got to fuel my jet

Ha ha ha ha When De Niro De Niro is so good But when he's bad it's almost better Oh yeah He can get over the top

Yeah I mean When he When you realize He like De Niro Slpped into the Five movies a year category for a while You're like

Really you don't You can just Pick what you want I think You're kind of amazing. There's a scene in the beginning of this movie. I've seen this too many times where where his kids like, you know, you know, the new player, you know, Wesley Snipes is up and the kid goes, hit a grand slam and he goes, don't be selfish. All we need is the sack fly. He's just like

lecturing a child. I know he's meant to be crazy, but it's like, it's one of those, but your movie big fan is actually like a really good movie. Great movie. Yeah. Well, I mean, that was based on the guy that wrote it, he was the editor of The Onion for years. Really? He wrote Our Dumb Century and... Wow. And he wrote the script for The Wrestler. Yeah, it's a great movie. Which is another great movie.

And he took that money and he had the script that got him the wrestler job to write the wrestler was this script called Paul Alfiero, which turned into big fan. And he had been trying to get it made for 10 years. So he just took the wrestler money and did a low-budget sag thing. And he sent me the script and I read it and it was so... Not only was it good, like the kind of movies. I like those early 70s. Just a character study where you just...

just drilled down into someone. But the way they were going to make it where it's like, I'm calling in favors. We're going to shoot at this friend's house. This person said, like, it had that early 70s. We don't really have any money and let's just start. Love that. You know, there were no dressing rooms. The dressing room, my

dressing room was the back of his car. And most of the clothes in that movie are just my clothes. You know, like wear what you want to wear. Yeah. And it was just based on years. He would listen to sports radio. I'm sure you guys have experiences. There are those guys who call in. And it's so clear it's something that they've written down and they're waiting and it's it's Tuesday it's

4.17 p.m. This is my time to call in. And you can tell the host are like, okay, it's Jerry again. Yeah. What's going on? Yeah. Well, first of all, I would like to just say to the management and they're just so tickled by it. Yeah. Yeah. And then he goes, what happens if this guy goes all the way with it? What's his actor's name? Oh, that is Kevin. Oh, he's in everything. Kevin Corrigan. He's in the departed. And Buffalo 66, which is a similar thing where they try and... He's in a lot of movies.

He's in a good character. He's in Goodfellers. Yes. He's in the wheelchair. Yeah. I'm stirring it. He is so... There's a scene, if you watch the beginning of the movie,

we're driving along in a car and we're talking. And they're playing Bob Seeger over us. You don't hear what we're saying. Because they wanted Kevin and I to improvise dialogue about sports. And I don't really follow sports, and neither is Kevin. So I had, like, a couple of things I could say, and I just immediately said them. And then that's all I had, and then I kind of stopped. And then Kevin, who had nothing ready, there's this really long pause.

He just went, I love football. The director was like, cut. Here's what we're going to do. You guys just talk about anything, and then we're going to play music. That's hilarious. And I think we're just talking about movies. That's like a Ralph Wiggum moment. Yeah, I love football.

Is he, is a writer a huge sports guy, or is he just fascinated with sports fanatics? He's fascinated, he's a big sports guy, but he is fascinated with obsessive people, people that get like just so into something and that becomes their world. Were you channeling something you are obsessed with into this? Yeah, like one of those guys that if I need to, and you kind of saw a little bit of it earlier, I'm just like, oh, that was directed by Tony Scott. And the producer of that movie, but, like, I just, for some reason,

the way that people can spit out sports statistics, I can do that with films. I just into, I'm obsessed with all of the people that work on movies and all the weird connections of who has what and all that shit. I love it. I just love it. It's in your act.

What is it, a deathbed? The deathbed, the bed that eats. Yes. This weird little exploitation movie. Have you ever seen Deathbed? No, I couldn't find it. It says, well, now it's, there was a, Luray release.

Because it was a lost film. I'm upset. Okay. I'm a bed that eats. Bed that eats. There's a guy. Oh my God. It's so bad.

Although the father from Boy Meets World is in it. Very young. And again, young New York just, they're making a shoot a movie on a Long Island. 50 bucks I need it. I'll do it.

That's like when you watch those early Roger Corman movies and it's like, well, there's Robert De Niro. All these massive stars are just like, It's $400 bucks a week I really need it man I love when you see like In the movie The Verdict

You just see Bruce Willis as a juror And he's sitting next to Tobin Bell He sits so it's John McLean is sitting next to Jigsaw While they're to long deciding this case Big fan It's amazing It's so amazing I love shit like that

But I love the I'm obsessed with this guy There's a filmmaker named Andy Milligan And you don't need to Well you actually go look up some of his stuff Maybe the worst filmmaker ever really puts Ed Wood to shame. Wow.

He's one of those guys that would crank out those movies that would show in the grind houses on 40-second screen. To the point where, and they just recently found some of his movies, but like five of his movies were missing for years because during that time they would send these movies to a grind house, show it Friday, show it Saturday, and then Sunday the theater would call the distributor and go, where do I mail this back?

They'll go, oh, you can toss it. We don't, that's all the money it's going to make. You don't need to send it back to us. Wow. So a lot of these movies just never got, if you weren't there that weekend, you never saw them. Wow. Damn. Yeah.

And his movies are so fucking bad. They're just like slasher movie. They're like weird slasher sex porn. He shot them all out on Staten Island in this weird abandoned mansion that he lived in with all these freaks. The rats are coming. The werewolves are here. The were Werewolves are here, but the rats are coming.

Okay, do you know why that movie? Do you know what? Look, the rats are coming. They're on the way. They're on the way. Can we all be happy that the werewolves are here? The rats are coming. They're with the werewolves now.

The reason that movie is called The Rats Are Coming. The Werewolves Are Here. It was originally called The Werewolves Are Here. And then that movie, Willard came out. It was a mass pit. And then producer was like, put the rats are coming out. There's no rats in the movie. There's only one.

Unwearwolves near the end. Wasn't it a big movie, Willard? A Willard was one of those tiny, tiny budget of movies that made a ton. Yeah. And they've been a fucking sequel that Michael Jackson did the theme song to. Really? Ben, his first number one hit is a love song to a psychotic rat. It's called Ben.

Is this the prequel to Rat Tatooie? I actually, I watched Willard last year, and it's like in-sell rat tattooing, basically. Because he learns to control rats and he, like, has them eat Ernest Borgnine. Oh, yeah. Holy shit. nuts. One of my favorite things about Ernest Borgnine is one of his last movies was basketball. Yeah. I just love that he's in that movie. He was in that? Yes. He plays the owner who dies choking on a hot dog in like the first scene and then he does a I'm too

sexy for my shirt dance. Basketball is pretty fucking funny actually. So funny. So funny. Little bitch. Good times. I love that movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All their early stuff was you've seen Cannibal the musical right? No. No. Cannibal. He did really early really one that the South Park guys did. It's all about the Donner Party, but it's a musical. And it is catchy. And again, yes, it's funny, but also you're watching it going, these songs are pretty good.

Yeah. That's a crazy thing, dude. I went to this thing for Stephen Sondheim when he passed away, and there was a note in there that he wrote to Trey Parker and Matt Stone, and he was like, I would be humbled to work with you guys. And I was like, this is amazing. Wow. That must have felt good.

They are in the songs are fucking South Park, the movie. the songs are like genius america fuck yeah oh yeah here we go yeah oh there he is oh i don't want a thing about it now see these guys over the love of the game yeah they just love it that's great yeah i'm offered packer this is my horse leanne in the tradition of friday the 13th part two and oklahoma comes the first intelligent film about can Cannibalism. Intelligent film about cannibalism.

And it's distributed by troma, of course. Trauma is this, trauma is the new, like, Roger Corman, if you want to go make a movie, trauma's ready to make a movie with you. They will, but you've got to do it really quick for no money. But it's where James Gunn came out of. Oh, sure. The Superman guy, he started at trauma,

and he puts Lloyd Kaufman. Lloyd Kaufman is the trauma guy. He puts Lloyd Kaufman in all. of his movies. Whoa. And one of Lloyd Kaufman, they did Toxic Avenger, Tromio and Juliet,

like all these samurai cop. But they, he also, one of his earliest movies that he produced was my dinner with Andre. Oh, because Lloyd's like,

why not? Let's just, let's do it. I mean, it is a low budget. It's just, yeah. We can shoot it in a couple days.

Yeah. Boom. The expensive scene is him thinking on the subway. That was, yeah. That's where they had to actually get crew people. down there. Otherwise, you can lock the camera

down and go to lunch and come back. Did you guys talk? Good. Okay, we got it. Whatever female fans we had of this show are completely gone after. Yeah, to quote Dana Gould, this conversation is the leading cause of vaginal dryness. Dana sends me

some of the best movie in Bookwrecks ever. Oh, fuck, man. He always sends me like, it's always some like Hollywood murder. I just read something he sent about the John Stumpinato. Johnny Stomponado. Stabbed the death by Lana Turner's daughter

Yeah Holy shit Yeah that was Dan is always Sending me great stuff He's got great taste We mentioned rat that too Those those

That mailbox money Has got to be pretty sweet I mean The residuals from that It's on all the time It's a great flick Kids love it I love how people think

That like Oh if you're in a successful movie The fucking money just rolls in I mean you get You get paid nicely But it's actually a very tiny just like there's a very tiny portion of professional athletes that actually

make a crazy good living at it and the rest of your there's a tiny portion of people that just sit back and collect residuals on mass of things usually you are like down the trough a little bit especially on like you're the lead

Ratatoui isn't Pat and Oswald in Ratatooie. That's true. It's a Pixar film Ratatooey Right but that was like the beginning of Pixar dominating I feel like Well that was that when they were in there really like every Pixar movie is an event and we don't really need to advertise

it and then they started doing you know now it's their movies are still good but remember they used to put out one a year and it was a huge deal bangers when it came out and they were all just boom boom boom yeah and now they they um I don't know I haven't seen

the latest one though so I can't I can't say I heard Bourdain said that Ratatoui was his favorite food movie whoa well he said he they said they got all the kitchen shit right because A everyone that works in a kitchen is either psychotic or has a really fucked up past.

And if you notice, when they go through all the cooks, they're all like something, this guy was kind of running guns and this dude was, like, it's where you end up where no one else will hire you. Right. And then they also got all the floor tiles are all fucked up because of all the hot stuff hitting them. And there's always a big pot of potatoes getting peeled. Right.

Because you always have to have potatoes ready. There's always just there. And, yeah. And it's all stress and screaming and everyone freaking out. They got all. I don't know. I did line cook stuff when I was like a teenager. But it was at a real shithole restaurant.

I wasn't had that high pressure. Sure. No sushi. We've got the fucking critics at here. Nobody was coming into Frank's family restaurant and Sugar Land Run to write up a critique. Gordon Ramsey didn't come in there and yell at you. No, not really. Yeah.

This pizza's frozen. Yeah, fuck off, dude. The suburbs of Virginia. What do you expect in here? Do you see that clip of him and that guy just going at it? it? No. This is a white guy who's talking like he's black. Have you seen that clip? Oh, I can't wait. Oh, it's fucking incredible.

I mean, I don't know how stage this is, but it's pretty great. I watched that show. I literally... Bord Ramsey versus Guy, I don't know. Every episode he has shirtless at one point. He does the take off the shirt, put on the chef thing. Oh, yeah. Wait, who does? Ramsey. Every episode he gets a shirt off?

Yeah, he has to take off his t-shirt and put on the chef outfit, like Superman. So he makes sure to write, look, in my contract. Yes. I got to be switching, oh, Mr. Ramsey. Oh, yeah. No, they'll pull up the fight scene with the guy. How many shows does he have now? He has like five shows, doesn't he?

Yeah, yeah. There's like ones with kids, and there's ones with... Oh, my God. There's a kid one? I didn't see that. He just goes to daycares. He's like, this is filthy. He's a pedophile.

Speaking of mailbox money, you see that John Grisinski thing? What? You know the office, the opening? Do-D-D-D-D-D-D-U. They're showing pictures of Scranton. He shot a lot. all that on a on a on a on a on a like a trip a road trip with his friends and he showed it to Greg Daniels and Daniels was like can I use this for the opening and he was like sure and

he goes I'll give me a thousand bucks for it and he goes of course take it I'm just happy to have the role he would have made zillions just from that he'll play over he's doing all right I think he's okay but he would have made you know millions and millions a lot of uh I'm sure you guys know this a lot of sitcoms oh oh hang on all right so how did he end up doing Did you make it to the final? How was your hours soups? How do you like them apples? Suclade, cut.

I love on shows where it's all skill-based, like it has nothing to do with like how you play the game or how you do anything mentally. It's just your fucking skills, like cooking or sewing. And there's always one person, I didn't come here to make friends. Yeah, every time. It doesn't matter if you have friends or not.

You can either cook or you can. No one gives a shit. This is all American TV there. You watch the Great British Bake Off. They're all just friends. They're all, like, sweet to each other. Yeah, they don't get a good show. Oh, I was, okay.

My first wife, before he was ever the first bachelor, she dated the first bachelor. That guy, Alex Michelle, before he was, before, you know, he was like a Harvard guy, and they stayed friends after they dated. And she said when he was doing the show, they would, again, this isn't anything new, but you know this about reality shows. They would, at the end of the drama episode, they'd all just get. together and go okay who can still stay like i can stay do three more weeks and i got to go okay well so then make sure to give her a rose but then you're going to cut her in three weeks and there's a couple of people like wait you're saying it's not real yeah i'm sorry man oh shit fuck damn it man god because he has that other podcast about the better yeah

fuck the whole thing was just and then there was like a couple of people that were clearly psychotic that he's like we're going to send them home right they're like can we keep them around for a little bit because it's, you know, it's just good. You can't kick him out now. You got to keep them around. Yeah, so it's all. You know, they did a real housewives of Salt Lake City and all the women got along so they couldn't air it.

What? Yeah, they were just like, this is boring. There's no fighting. There's no drama. There's no, fuck you bitch. No, you need toxic people for that. You need it. Yes.

Or you need people that are willing to go, hey, can you fucking do? Yes. And you get mad. Absolutely. Yeah. Because a lot of them are building little brands outside of it. They're like, yeah, I'll do this right now. Exactly.

I did last comic standing and they were like, what's your story? And I was like, well, I'm probably gonna lose you know, that guy's better than me. And they were like, what are you doing? I know. You gotta say you hate that guy. Oh, dude, I was on AGT and they were like, they were like, how badly do you want to win this? I'm like, the winner has to do a residency in Vegas. They're like, yeah, I'm like, I'm like, I don't want to win.

Yeah, they don't want that. And they're like, what am I? I'm like, top five is fine, but I don't want to win. Yeah, you can't say it. Yeah. Said he did one season. They didn't use any camera airtime of him. And then he said the next season, he was like, I'm homeless, and they were like, you're the guy. What?

Yeah, I don't know if I was supposed to say that. He told me that, but yeah, the homeless thing, they need an angle. They need a hook. Yeah, they always need that hook. They don't want, they don't want happy, well-adjusted people quietly going about their creative career. They want a fucking train on fire crashing into a mine and killing a bunch of people. Yes, I was in the second tower, I got out, and they want the whole thing.

No, one comic tried that. I mean, look, he got pretty far Let's give him some He wrote it as long as he could That's true There's a lot of people doing that Where you can tell like Oh, they're just going to see

How far can I ride this? And it will It will crash But I'll get this far with it And then let's see what we can do Yeah Didn't Brian Williams say he was like in the war He lied about something

He said he was in a helicopter Being shot at or something He said his helicopter was shot at But he used to have a great bit about that I think it was in your half hour Presents About how they all want to be like Edward Armour

but they're all safe days in in the green zone they could not be closer yeah we can see the uh we use the zoom lenses and uh i'll never forget when i zoomed in on that village on fire five miles away from me that changes you it changes you you know it really does yeah they're always trying to like that they want that that fucking uh CV of i was in the middle of the fucking shit well dude you you brought up your your first wife her book we do wrecks on this pod i'll be gone on the dark is that is one of the best books I've ever read

I think I message you when I read it but I was like I mean it was and you did a prolog thing that was so good yeah yeah

we did a little afterward on it because she obviously she wasn't able to finish it but she did a lot of stuff in the book

that helped to I mean people get there's again trolls online you say she fucking captured him single handily I never fucking said that

I said there's shit in the book that was then used and it helped it along no there's no single person that swoops in and throws the fucking batterang at the villain and knocks him out.

It's a collective team effort and she contributed to it. But she did do some and there was, it's written like a noir. It's incredible. It's like, it's very novelistic. If you haven't read it, you should.

It's about the East Area rapist and it's, dude, it's so well done. Well, she really captures how paranoid people were in those neighborhoods at the time up in Sacramento. It was how people were like hanging tambourines from their door. door knobs. They were so terrified of any, and they were all like, keep your lights on and they

would have community meetings and it was just, the paranoia was insane. And the doc was great too. Yeah. Yes. I, there was a weird bit of kind of sick irony, I guess, when they did the, when they caught him and they were doing the press conference and someone asked, did the writer Michelle McNamara, did he, did she any of her work have anything to do with it? And then this cop was like, Michelle McNamara's work had nothing to do with the capture of the Golden State Killer and Golden State Killer was the name she gave him that was the reason that the case

as Paul Hull said and this is a really sick thing a lot of times cases go cold because they don't give the killer a cool name like if you don't give him a cool name like Nightstalker or Zodiac his he was like East Area Rapist original just kind of so then she said Golden State Killer

and that kind of reignited the case. Wasn't he also called the Nightstalker and then there was like another Night Stalker? He was called the original Night Stalker after the Night Stalker. To add even more confusion to it, there was the Night Stalker, and then there was an article where they went, well, we should call him the original night. Like, what the fuck are you? Even the cops like, what are you doing?

No, we're not trying to do that. It's like the whole HBO Max problem. Yeah, yeah. Changing the thing. I also love the him in court in his wheelchair and he's so fucking frail and then there's the footage of him

going into his cell after he's been sentenced out of the chair starts doing pull-ups like well that didn't work I thought might help fuck it whatever yeah

did you guys watch that night stalker the other one? The Netflix one? The Netflix one? It was just a bunch of neighborhood guys who caught the guy they gave the hell out of them like the cops kind of had to save him

they were going to kill him. They were going to kill him. Bad ass. I love it. Yeah, they spotted him. Sometimes vigilante justice is kind of cool.

Oh, I love it. Yeah, yeah. Well, again, that's the one, that's the exception that proves the rule. Like, they were right. Maybe leave it to the one. Sure. Yeah.

Because a lot of the vigilante shit isn't working right now. It's really not true. But, yeah, man, I was, I was reading this book by this guy, Matt Murphy called The Book of Murder. And he was,

he's like, he's like the California prosecutor who did like every case. He did like the dating Game Killer guy, Alcala. Rodney. Yeah, Rodney. Alcala. Oh, dude, it's so good.

It's like, yeah, he's a good writer, but it's like, every, every, all these cases of people who are just fucking insane. Right. What was going on in Northern California at that time? I know. That's a good question. Yeah. Well, what was going on in North California and what was going on up in the Pacific Northwest?

Oh, I heard. Did you hear this recently? There's an article about lead poisoning. They, they think that, yeah, this woman wrote a whole book about all the, you the chemicals up there, she thinks, caused, but then again, that there were also millions of people that were living in Tacoma, the Tacoma, the Tacoma and all this stuff. It smells so bad. Oh, my God.

Such a bad smell there. But that didn't become killers, so it seems a little weird. I mean, I, again, I wouldn't surprise me if, didn't it, once they took lead out of gasoline, the homicide rate went down, there wasn't. That's true. And IQs went up. Whoa. Yeah.

Interesting. So that, I think that's part of it. But, yeah, but there is a Ted Bundy, Green River Killer. Who else was up there? There was a bunch of people up in the Pacific Northwest. Although, if you go to the Pacific Northwest, it is also so goddamn gloomy. It's gloomy. It's spooky.

There's a reason that Grunge came out of there. Yes. There's a very specific reason why Nirvana and Pearl Jam came out of the Pacific Northwest. There's a fucking mood. Ted Bundy, the Green River Killer, this guy, Weston, Allen Dodd, who I don't know. Oh, Wesley Allen Dodd, who I don't know. Oh, Wesley Allen Dodd. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where's Ruby Ridge? Is that up there? I thought that was in the Midwest. I think it's in Idaho, but I'm looking. Oh, okay. Idaho's got some dark shit happening. It's wacky over there. There's too much space.

Everybody's in Portland. Yeah. Portland, Idaho, there's some weirdness. Oh, yeah, it's right up there in the Pacific Northwest. That's that same sludgy. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. There's a lot of sad stories just out of there.

Oh, yeah. You're right. The space, like, when I had the flu, that movie, In of the Wild was on. I was like, this is like the saddest story. Oh, yeah. Because that's just a dude who, he was like, I'm bored. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. It's just, you know, I'm going to just live in the wilderness. But also, like, the massiveness of, if you, I've done like, you know, Wichita and all the plane stays in Nebraska and stuff like that, Omaha. And the vastness out there really creeps me out. I'm not meant to live out on the planes. No, no. They really, there is something. Meanwhile, they're listening to this.

Like, you live literally. in a 400 square foot apartment. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but I think there are certain... Look, there are certain people who absolutely belong on the planes and will thrive there and would go insane in a city

just like someone who's actually comfortable in a literally living in a utility closet. Yes. Would you take them out on the planes and they should start killing everybody? Well, there's a creepiness out there where you kill your wife in the basement, you know, or you tie up a kid.

Out here, at least it's out in front. You know, you see a hobo jerking off. You're like, all right, I know he's there. He's out of my house. Also, if you kill a family member, it's hours toward any food. Like here, you kill someone, you walk down, you get a slice three in the morning. They're open, like, bodega. You can maybe, and maybe, did you want to kill your partner, or were you just hungry?

You know, out there, you're not going to, yeah, exactly. It's going to be, you got to render a deer. Yeah, well, you know what are the rebel flags? I know the racist guys there or whatever. It's almost better to have it. That's how I feel about the guy jerking it. Like, I know he's there. Yeah, yeah, there he is.

Yeah. You'd ever heard of prairie death? Those flat lands out there, you know, some guy and his wife on a farm, and he would just end up killing her because it was just the same thing every day. Just farm work. She's the only thing you know. You never see other people. There's no TV.

There's no nothing. He's just letting hate to her. There's a weird little indie horror movie called The Wind, and it's about settlers on the planes and how the wind drove them crazy. crazy. And there's an amazing book called Wisconsin Death Trip. And it's all about all the madness that was going on out there in the planes, like in the 1800s, all these newspaper articles about people, settlers that weren't used to that landscape going out there and going fucking nuts. It's like the earthless fly. You just can never, there's no hump. It never ends. We talk about phones making us crazy, but this seems worse. Yeah. That's the other end of it. Yeah. Phones is too much stimulus. That's not enough.

Right. Yeah, you're right. There's a there's a just right and we've missed it twice now. Yes. First we got that there's no stimulus. Now we're over-stimulated. We're going crazy. Exactly. We've got to get the just right. The rats are coming. That was it. That was the peak in entertainment. I love that there's a movie title that just sounds like your mom who's just had it with you. The rats are, the werewolves are here, all right? And the rats are coming. I was going through IMDB And how cool was it to be unjustified

You're so good on that show You're on every show That fucking show is so good It's amazing I love that show Getting to do First And you play kind of a badass on it Well I play a guy you don't realize

As a badass until like There's certain people that they're just They're animal kingdom badasses Where they're badass if they're buying a bagel Like they're just badass all the time And I'm the kind of character that I'm badass when the shit finally comes down. But in everyday life, I'm just a kind of a schlub.

And it's based, the character I play is based on a guy they met down there who was a constable who said, yeah, this is a position. You have to run for it. I have to buy all the lights on my car. I have to buy all my own equipment. It's like a guy who wants to be a cop. Right. But they, and it's an elected official,

and they went, okay, let's make him a character. And then they decided, okay, let's have him go through one of the gnarliest fucking torture scenes. When you audition, are you like, I'm not getting this? I'm not cop guy. I'm not badass. I was a little worried just because I was a huge fan of the show before I got on it. And I just, the people that are on that show, Jerry Burns and Timothy Oliphant and Nick

seriously, like all these amazing character actors. And I'm like, oh, God, I don't want to be a shitty part of a great show. Like, it's good to be like, if you're great in something shitty, people go, hey, you did a good job. Yeah. It wasn't good. But if you are on a show that's already great, you're coming in season four, you're like, all I can do is fuck this out.

Right, right. You're really, really worried. I don't want to be Cousin Oliver. Yeah. You know, like I want to add to this. Yeah. But it ended up being. Gaggans, too, on that show, so freaking good.

Oh, God. Gagins was, I mean. To play a likable white supremacist, I'm like, man, you're fucking good. You're a good actor. Well, you're weird. And also the fact that all of the, um, half the time, it's, because Elmore Leonard, The women are leading the men around by their noses.

They just don't realize it. Like, it's all about these badass dudes. And then behind them is a woman just manipulating them and getting to do exactly. I mean, season two. Margo Mardindale. Margo Martindale. She won the award, I think. She won the Emmy.

She was unreal. And I think they were thinking of keeping her alive. And then they realized, well, no, if we keep her alive, that should just, then that'll be the show. Yeah, look at Elmore Leonard's fucking books there. god so they gave her a uh they gave her an amazing death yeah yeah it was that dude that season was incredible that show is so the writing that's the thing too like you get gifted with this great dialogue if you adapt elmore leonard stuff but it's just right there but then also you're like man the bar is so high you don't want to fuck it up right well you got it you what you got to do because

i read a lot of elmore leonard you have to deliver it the way he writes it which is super simple mean to like do it the least you can possibly do with it that's how it'll work the best if you watch timothy all of fun in the show there's no effort in how he's delivering anything like that's the true badass they're just completely calm and all right here's what we're going to do right now and that that scene when he is going up against wind duffy and he just knocks him to the ground takes one bullet out of his gun

and drops it on his chest and goes next one's going to come a lot quicker and it's like oh my god that's fun who is that what's his name the guy who plays Wind Duffy? Sherry Burns. He's incredible. God, he's so good. That line where he's always in his RV. He's like trying to be this kind of on the road crime lord.

And when Timothy Oliver is threatening him outside his RV and then he just goes, well, it's been nice talking to you. I'm going to go inside and watch women's tennis. So I got to ask. Well, hopefully I'm a little hungover. So I hope I got the right movie. You made out with Charlize Theron. In a movie. Charlie Staron.

Wow. Come on. That movie, it's called Young Adult. Yes. It's Jason Reitman. Diablo Cody wrote it and fucking Charlie Steron. She's one of those actors. Kind of puts the method to shame because she can fall into, she plays such a despicable person in this movie.

Yeah. But you can't stop watching her because she's like, how can a person be this shitty? Yeah. And you kind of know. She looks like Charlie's Throne, so that's why you can't stop watching. But then they would yell cut and she'd go, she'd be Charlize and hey, what's going on? I was talking and really chill and then action and then just dropped right. I worked with some actors who were like, I'm going to be in character.

And so while we're on this thing, I'm going to be kind of weird. Who stays in character that you worked with? I don't want a name. Oh, okay. Oh, no, no. Okay. I'll actually, I'll say one because he was actually kind of cool about it. He was very nice.

But when I did Man on the Moon with Jim Carrey, you've met. at him in the morning. He was like, hi, I'm Jim, welcome to the thing. I'm going to be Andy the rest of this. I'm just letting you know. But he would do that thing where he would at least say hello to you. That's nice. And then he'd go into Andy. They'd let you know they're going to be crazy the rest of the day. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And then it worked. But he was so committed, so committed that in my scene, I'm supposed to say, because he's working at Jerry's Deli and I'm a diner in Jerry's Delany. I go, hey, aren't you Andy Kaufman? And for some reason, it was like 6 a.m. and I was really tired.

And I went, actually, I went, aren't you Jim Carrey? You're like, cut. And then he started laughing as Andy Kaufman, like, I don't know who Jim Carrie is. Oh, no. But he stayed there. And I'm like, oh, fuck, I blew this. Was that a nightmare a little bit? You're at the craft service? Like, come on, Jim. What are we doing here? Oh, I was not going to bother him. I wasn't going to, no. If a guy, if someone's doing that, let them do that. If that's what they need. Although somebody did point out, it is kind of interesting. I mean, Jim Carrey was an exception because he was so nice. Sure.

But a lot of times when people are going, I'm method and I need to be in my character, it's always when they're playing assholes. It's never when they're playing a really nice guy and they want to like. Well, Lincoln, right? Daniel Day Lewis? Yeah, yeah. Well, not just Lincoln, gangs of New York, he got pneumonia because he wouldn't wear clothing, they had like special clothing that would keep them warm.

He goes, I will only wear a period clothing. Whoa, that's crazy. And he got himself sick. And so he was like, I'm, I'm. I will not do anything outside of this. That'd be fun of you. It was so meth that he got typhoid. Like he got an old disease.

Yeah, my Charlize. I mean, come on. That was a hot scene. That was amazing. When you got the part, you must have been like, yes. Well, it was yes, but it was also like, so I'm going to be nude next to one of the most physically perfect human being. Like, I can't do a nude scene with John Goodman or Paul Giamati.

It has to be with this Nexus 6 Android. like literally no flaws like it could not just yeah it was a little weird can I play this clip real quick it's Norm interviewing Jim Carrey about man on the moon oh nice

he says do you remember when you came and visited said sorry when you came and visited the set of Andy of man on the moon oh sure yeah yeah I was also in the film I like to put it That's great. I heard they tried to make a young adult too

and they couldn't get it moving, right? They tried to make it into a TV series and yeah, we were going to be on a cruise together. She gets something like tickets to a cruise, something that has literally no one to take with her. She goes, all right, then she takes me. And then we have this weird misadventure and it just never happened.

God, it's hard to sell shit. I know. It is very, the stuff that you find out later that doesn't sell is baffling. I found out a few years ago there is maybe there's a reason for this this is way before Lin-Manuel

did Hamilton so he wasn't Lin-Manuel Miranda yet but he and Weird Al-Yankovic were developing a musical based on that documentary The King of Kong Oh, I love that doc. The guy that's obsessed with Donkey Kong and then the villain and stuff and they could not

could not give it away to people on Broadway and it never happened and then of course Lynn became massive and he just twice. I want to I wonder why they don't try to remake it now. Maybe they'll go back to it. I don't know, but like it would be that. Did you watch Weird Al's move, that weird movie that he did? I saw parts.

I didn't see the whole thing, but I love what I saw. It is such a piss take on every music biopic. Yes. Because midway through, you know, they completely throw the facts overboard. Like you were saying, look, this actually isn't an interesting story because he's just a nice guy who got married. Right. drink so they just completely go off the rails to make it a interesting movie and it's complete bullshit yeah and it's one of the funniest it's up that and that that movie walk hard

oh yeah it's just those two were an amazing uh double feature where they just fucking make fun of everything boy they're churning out the biopics now we got the bruce springsteen one we had the bob dillon um yeah john before that we had uh freddie mercury who would be a really a really I just saw that becoming Led Zeppelin documentary. Oh, I watched it too. It was good, but it was like, because it had so much absolute band approval, obviously we're not going to get into the weirdness. Because there was some weirdness attached to their genius.

Yeah. That they're clearly like, we're not talking about that stuff. We're just going to talk about the blues music. The underage stuff. Teenagers. Oh, right. I had a woman lecture me about Woody Allen. I met her on a bar on Friday, and she was lecturing me about how Woody Allen

sucks. And I was like, have you seen any of his movies? And she's like, no. I was like, well, you can't just say that. Yeah. And literally fucking Zeppelin's playing in the bar. Oh, wow. It was cashmere was on. And I was like, I was like, do you like, do? I go, he fucked the 14 year old. Yeah. I was like, we can do this all day. You can separate some stuff is all I'm saying. And she was like, no. I was like, right. Damn. Well, it's up to, I think it's up to each person. What are you able to separate? And what are you not? I mean, one of the, one of my top 10 movies of the 21st century was the Mel Gibson movie Apocalyptic. And so. I mean, I completely hate Mel Gibson and everything he stands for.

Have you met him? I've never. Well, I met him very briefly, and again, he's very nice, but the shit that he does is like, the fuck, dude. Yeah. But he's also a brilliant fucking filmmaker. And there are, unfortunately, a lot of brilliant artists that are fucked up people. Yeah. You know, knowing what I know about Roman Polanski doesn't stop me rewatching Chinatown every few years.

It's the best movie. And this is one of the best movies ever made. We got to deal with us. In bed death, they say, No. Still a great movie. I thought you meant deathbed? Ah.

Bed death. Bed death. That's what lesbians have. Isn't that what they call it? Yeah. Lesbian bed death. Yeah. What does that mean?

They stopped having sex with each other after a few years. I think that's everybody. Lesbian bed death. Quicker than that, I think. Yeah. I think they move in quick. Lesbian bed death sounds like a really good, like, hardcore band name in the early 80s.

We're going to see Tonight's Guadal Diary and lesbian bed death They're at the They're at the smell We're going to see It's a Pacific Northwest band They're really

The gloomies shit The gloomies They also say U-Haulin They call it U-Hauling When lesbians move Because they move in Like they date They scissor

And then they move right in I think we were grilling Fortune femstrower And all this stuff last time She was here We were like wait What's this one? Yeah

Well you're like Treating her like a Like a weird anthropological Yes, yes, tell us more. Tell what is this? It's like you're Diane Mead studying the Samoans. So what is the mating ritual like?

You and do you, what age does this happen? Exactly. Yeah, that's right. You haul lesbians. You haul lesbian. There you go. The idea that lesbians tend to moving together after a short period of time. It suggests an extreme inclination toward committed relationships.

Oh, so she bet, okay. Oh, yeah. This is all like, I don't, again, if I was, especially like someone who, who's really like homophobic I would just make up terms and get them all paranoid and just have to start using them like well that's a thing

we call that SpaghettiOs what's SpaghettiOs? Well that's the thing where you kind of spoon but you spoon in a circle and once you reach that stage you can only do it once and then after that it's like

the relationship is all dead so when you see and you got to you know they say it all the time but you don't hear it you don't know to listen to it you'll hear it all the time now like oh yeah we Spaghettiode man They're not making more sex

You know, you have the donkey punch The Houdini The Rusty Trombone, the Dirty Sanchez They kind of ended that Yeah We've run out of our weird Sex terms haven't we Well you know what it is

I think Urban Dictionary came out Before you had to make them up And they would take off And now there's some of them The donkey punch I'm like that's just like assault Oh most of them are horrible It was violent

Got awful Some of them are like All right You came on the back that's, you know, forgivable. But then one's just throwing fists. Yeah. Yeah, some of it sounds like they're trying to, like,

grandfather in just hitting somebody. Yeah, it's called strawberry shortcake. I think that's a one of them. That's when you push a woman down a flight of stairs. You come in their face and you punch your nose and starts bleeding. It's strawberry shortcake. You just want to hit someone in the face. What are you doing?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This actually gets us right into peaves. I got some peaves. Oh, you got some peevs. You know what's peev in me, baby. You know what's peev in me.

me right now. I had someone the other day go, like, the other day I was telling a story and she goes, too much information. Oh, that's a classic. That's always annoying. TMI. My uncle does it too. He's a fucking doctor. Yeah. Like, I'll say something and I'm like, oh, this is bothering me. He's like, okay. I hate, you're a doctor.

I need actual advice. Yeah, you can't say, yeah. That's like a therapist going, uh, hmm, TMI, dude. That's maybe, uh, just knock the time or place. Right. Also, have you heard of Google or chat GBT? That's all it is. It's information. I thought we liked information.

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I can't wait to see these. Give it a shot, guys. I hear great things. Very good. I wear them on stage all the time. They're very nice. Thank you, Gene. TMI, the thing that drives me crazy right now,

it's a peeve. I mean, I know that it's being done out of love, but whenever I'm having a discussion with my wife and let's say we disagree on something, especially a health issue thing, like, hey, you really need to really strongly rinse out the sponge in the sink and then put it, on the drying rack so it doesn't grow mold.

And I'm like, well, but every time I use it, I turn the hot water on and put soap on it, so doesn't it just get cleaned? And I'll try to do it. I understand, but I don't think that's a big deal as you're making it. Half an hour later, she will have found some Instagram video that she has sent me going,

these are the five reasons. Oh, man. Never not put your sponge in a microwave. These will kill your family. Instagram has all, it's all scare shit about health. And that, and you can attach it to any argument and then send it to your loved one to go see wow you can find anything on the internet to scare you and you can find anything to contradict it's all useless i know i found i've googled when i was sick

is whiskey good for a cold there'll be an article being like yeah some whiskey's good yeah you can trick yourself okay also aren't we at this they just came out with this no alcohol is good for you it's all bad for you remember a couple years ago a glass of red wine a night the tannins are really good for you fine no actually that's wrong uh no alcohol is good for you i just feel you like there's a basement with a dry erase board on the wall and they just go, okay, so for these two years, we'll say a glass of wine is good

and we're going to say no, don't drink any, then you can sell your fucking stock. Then we'll come back with. Actually, we did some new study. It just all feels so arbitrary. I know, I just went on grok. They said Jews were bad. That's going to be you see on subway takes. What's your take?

Jews are in a lot of trouble. I love that I love that he created this AI, and the AI keeps trying to be progressive and woke, so then he goes in and reprograms it to be like a weird Nazi. So it's like this guy, it's like a father. It's almost like we're watching the way his father probably raised him, where he's like, you know, Daddy, I made these new friends at school. You can't be friends with Jews going to do.

Right, right. And so he's just, but he's doing it on a machine level, and he's doing it to a thing that can someday launch nukes. Like, we're watching the Skynet origin story, but it's just a guy going, say the Jews suck. Right. But I think everyone's kind of, God damn it, we're rewriting your programming. Is that teaching him in a wave? Like this. Yeah, if you're a Jew, stay off Twitter.

Trust me. It's not a lot of good PR going for us right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All I do, we're talking about this. All I do on Twitter is I just post a show thing and that's it. Like, here, the show coming up. And then half of it is, you fucking pedophile. Because there's anything, they can just make anything, anything now.

It doesn't matter. Of course, yeah, yeah. That's what you are. I look at my old Twitter, and it was all zingers and puns and jokes. Just goofy shit. Now you post that, and everybody's like, what? We don't care. I need a woman getting fisted or something.

I need something to make me angry. Yes, yeah, yeah, some culture war shit. Remember early Twitter how just goofy it was? Oh, it was fun. It felt like comedians hanging out just bapping, bapping, you know, bapping, bopping, baffing, bopping jokes off each other. There you go. Jesus Christ.

One of my favorite tweets of all time this comedian, Adrian Earhart. It's one of the funniest tweets I've ever, she goes, my waiter in this Mexican restaurant just brought my entree over to the only other blonde white woman here.

I get it now. And then the next line says, oh, wait, that's not my waiter. So it's just like, that's great. Boom, perfect. That's like a two-act play. Yeah.

It was so beautifully contrived. And now it'd be like, but see, actually, that is how they both should have called ice on the waiter. It'll just screaming on you. Right. It'll swing back. Yeah. It always does. Yeah.

I think because then it becomes cool to be like, fuck, it's gone too far. Now I'm fucking bored. And yeah, it'll swing back. Yeah, yeah. At some point. It's cool to not have tattoos. Remember all of our ironic pedophile jokes we used to tell back in the early odds? Yeah, yeah.

Mine aren't ironic. Oh, boy. They can bring those back. Yeah. I was, there was a documentary on HBO about QAnon. I saw it. Into the storm or something?

Yeah. And so they talk about how Q&ONB believes that Hollywood elites are run like a child pedophile cannibal thing. And they put up a picture of Oprah and then Tom Hanks and then me. Oh. And I was like, ah. And then. You're mad to be called a PIDO but you're like, I'm in good company. Well, the next day my agents called.

They were like, did you see the Q&N thing? I'm like, I know A list I'm going to do it with fucking Oprah Tom Hanks How about Oprah's a petto? You get a kid You get a kid Also Tom Hanks

I saw that like Elon Musk reposted the thing He's got the most followers of anyone on Twitter He was like This guy's a Pito And it's like Elon wrote that

Yeah it was something where he reposted calling Tom Hanks a Pito And I was like Is this legal? Jesus Christ Defamation Yeah I didn't know

Elon went all in on the Hanks Petto There was a whole thing about You know I don't know if you saw an article the other day, these people who are accusing Brigitte McCrone of being a man, they got off. They were like,

it's not defamation, which is a rough headline. Right. It's like she is a woman in the headline, but it's not defamation because of free speech and it was done in good spirits. I'm like, I don't know if it was done in good spirit. Good spirit.

Doesn't seem like a spirited approach. But that's a rough headline. I think it was a telegraph and it just said, yeah, it turns out this is not defamation. You're like, yeah, if you're a woman, that's rough to hear. yeah that's oh my god yeah it's gonna be really interesting to see how all of the social media shit ends up shaking out what what they'll be like a weird pushback from whatever the generation is after gen z yeah there seems to be a gen alpha or a rebellion about like i'm not online like

i think that'll become the new status is i can't be found online if you can't contact me if i give you my cell phone number like that'll be the new status is right it's actually hard to reach me it's kind of attractive when someone tells you they're not on social media oh yeah it's like so rare like oh really yeah yeah yeah house phones are coming back landlines landlines are coming back in the house gen alpha you know basically kids are requesting these phones be put back in the house because uh they don't like the texting because it leaves a record or whatever oh so they said let's just have a phone conversations. I'm not talking to my friends. Good for them. Good. Good for them.

That is smart. I've sent some text. I'm like, ooh, I shouldn't have said that. Of course. We all have. Yeah. I was on, I was on Instagram and Jack White posted that he, he goes, I just now, he goes, I just turned 50 and I got my first cell phone. Like he'd never owned a cell phone. And I was like, oh my God. And then, but then you look at, look at the amount of stuff he's done. Like, look at his body of work. Of course, his stuff is incredible. Tarantino is not anywhere online. I don't, I don't think he, has, or if he has a cell phone, I think

his assistant handles it. That's why he talks so much when he's on any show. Yeah, but he's not posting anyone. Yeah, exactly. He's also he's thinking deeply about shit and that's why he makes movies that you can rewatch and argue about because he sat and thought about them. And he had time to watch it into

him. 9,000 movies. And watch 9,000 movies. I'm watching a movie with my phone out now, scrolling with the movie on. It's pathetic. Not if it's a good one. If it's a newer movie, I'll do that, but if it's like if I know I'm watching a classic, I'm like phone in the other room. I want to watch. That's the move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, that's the new thing.

Among the film nerds, it's called raw dogging. It's where you watch a movie and you don't, you never once look at your phone and it's hard to do. I know. But when you actually get into it, you remember, oh yeah, every one of these scenes, even if the scene doesn't work, it mattered. They thought it mattered. That's why it's in here. So it's very instructive to watch that shit. Yeah, yeah, you got to do it. My friend was sick and she's like, give me a movie wreck, like an old one. So I was like, watch. out of the past with Robert Mitcham and she just said, I fucking love that movie

so much. Me too. But like every dialogue and it's so fucking good. You miss lines if you're on your phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not just that the dialogue is so good. The way the actors deliver it, like you see them you can feel how they got the script earlier that day and we're like,

I am going to fucking make a meal of this. This is going to be amazing. And the way, especially out of the past, the way they exhale the cigarette smoke and the way it's lit. Like you know that cinematographer was like, oh, let's light this smoke, man. Because that's just as much of shows these characters as what they're saying and what they're doing. It looks cool as hell.

Oh, my God. That line where she's, you know, she's trying to be, you know, she's trying to win him back, that evil woman. He's just like, you're like a leaf that flows from one gutter to the next. So, heavy. So funny. See, when you can't say, that's such a bad. You have to get creative and you got to write some shit. Well, I love how in the Maltese falcon, they snuck the word Gunzel in there, which became, it meant, oh, a guy, like a hired gun that you have.

Gunzel? G-U-N-S-C-L, that's what they call Elijah Cook's character. They got this Gunzill waiting for me in the, but it's actually, it's like a Yiddish word for like Rent Boy. Whoa. And it's, and if you watch the movie again, you realize Sidney Green Street, Elijah Cook is his little fuck boy. because they mentioned like I spotted him just like your boy in Istanbul

like he's just this guy that travels around and finds young boys and gives him a gun and goes you're going to protect me and yeah that's right whoa so there's all this there's a lot of like I love those old movies and all this hidden stuff you know that they obviously they can't like you said you can't say

but there's ways you can sneak it in I heard Kevin Spacey's in the sequel of that oh Kevin had something on the phones and I lost it My brand is bush. Yeah, the landline. You would have been about the landline. I did, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, I mean, it is, to me, it's so funny you say it's about erasing your text history because I just thought like, oh, it's like cool. It's like the way like having DVDs or like records or something, you know. But I think Gen Z, if you notice, they're more reserved. Oh, yeah. Because they're always on high alert. Like, we could fuck up, we could shit our pants, we could get beat up. And it wasn't, there wasn't a record of it.

Yeah, I got beat up as a kid. Thank God there wasn't eight phones out, you know. And then it goes up on TikTok the next day. Yeah. So I think kids are a little more nervous to, like, cut loose. Also, you see those kids fighting videos online now. I don't seem as much, but when Elon first took over Twitter, it was all, like, Fight Haven on my timeline. Oh, I had a lot of fight.

And kids are getting punched in the face, and everyone's cheering. I'm like, I don't know who the good guy is in this scenario. I know. I'm just seeing where he hit you. Yeah, Gordon of Grogh, it was the white kid. But, yeah. But, yeah, it's crazy. Some of those videos are like, it's, the handle is called, like, don't.

watch this or death video or you know scary shit then I watch every one of them don't watch this i know it's like two of the morning and i'm like i got to go to bed oh you god that that's the worst for me i really have to make a concerted effort before i go to sleep to get the phone across the room because otherwise i'll scroll till dawn i know one after the other and i know i know what i'm doing i know i'm just looking for my little uh serotonin boost yeah just hitting them over and over again It was, first it was blackhead extraction videos. Then I discovered hoof cleaning videos. Oh, that's good stuff.

So soothing. Soothing. And then there's the, there's that woman that would power clean houses. Yes. Horder houses. This is pretty wholesome. I got to say, you could go a lot worse. Well, then there was the, there's the lawn care guy.

He has a YouTube channel. I'm realizing Patton's a way better person than that's right. Yeah, this is healthy. But it's still, I'm searching for the same distraction. Like, can't you just be alone with your fucking thoughts? No, it's another one, another. And now there's a new one. It's weird.

Have you seen the drain pipe unclogging videos? I like that. Where they drag a tire through it. And I realized it's basically, it's the manual labor version of creating a money shot. Because it's all the built up tension. And then that thing just blows. And you're like, yeah. Right, right.

And so you're just, yeah, there it is. This thing is clogged. How are we going to unclog this? How are we going to get a big release? We need a big release here. It's funny. We spend millions on Marvel special effects. And then this is what gets you.

Maybe we don't need writers. Yeah. They can compete with a guy eating a sandwich in his car and then raiding the sandwich. Right. Hey, I can't do this. No, it can't. No, it'll never be able to do that. I get a lot of those videos.

A dude just eating food and be like, I was told to try this new Wendy's thing. And I'm like, all right, let's see. We'll write a bit for six. months, it'll never top the views on that fucking fat guy. Oh, no, yeah, yeah, you'll never He's gonna bust, hold on. Wait, a tire went through there? Yeah. You pull a tire and look at it. Whoa!

Now it's all coming out. It's two-girl one cup. Oh, yeah. That is exciting. It's like a birth video. Yeah, it is. Crazy. So how did they, was a truck pulling that? Because you need a lot of torque to pull a tire through that pipe. It's a truck. Damn, dude, yeah. Damn, this is good stuff.

I'm going to watch that. That'll clean out my feed a little. I think post Gen Z is going to be immune to all this and we're going to be the generation that just got gobbled up whole via the internet Gen X and especially boomers complaining about kids being on their phones. No one's on their phone more than fucking boomers. It is such a novelty to them and they love it and they are constantly swiping on those things.

And it's like eyeglass on the nose, you know, the phones over here and they'll still do Facebook. They'll fight with people on Facebook and you're like, oh wow, you're on. You're online constantly and old. I wonder if it's so attractive to boomers because they are older so they can't get out as much. But if you're online and you're reading stories on Facebook, you're justifying why you're not leaving your house.

Like, it's horrible out there. Look at everything that's going on there. Everything's being murdered. No one sends me more articles or those videos than my mom and death. There you go. Yeah. About how horrible things are. Yeah.

Didn't you just have a bit about how, like, don't walk around with a phone or something? In the 80s, right when cell phones came out, I had a friend's mom say, if you are in a black or Hispanic neighborhood, don't take out your cell phone because they'll know you're rich and they'll kill you. I remember that specific line, she said to me. And that was one of the first sounds. I was like, I think adults are full of shit. I don't think that they, I don't think this works.

I had a point I was going to make I was going to make it We're probably going to go back to the brick I bet the brick Nokia, I bet that comes back Oh like a stylish kind of retro Exactly Some people have the flip I mean a tell is a flip phone Some people

But don't you miss like my wife is younger than me So she's all text all day What are you up to? Sending me videos Sending me clips And you long for the days Our parents went to work at 8.30, got there at 9, did a full day,

finished at 5, came home at 6, and they had shit to talk about. I'm texting with her throughout the day. You missed each other. Yes. Right. But imagine 8 hours of bliss. So what's going on? Like, you know what's going on. Yes.

Or, like, they'll be driving home from somewhere. Like, you're at home doing something, and they're like, hey, they have you on FaceTime, and it's like, okay, I'll see when you get home. Well, let's just talk now. I'm just driving. Exactly. Exactly. We don't have anything. come home and we're supposed to have dinner

together on top of that you're like we're fucking out of shit I'm done I'm tapped out let me just do stuff and we'll talk when you get here exactly that's why I always say the road is a marriage saver yeah doing the road it gets you out there do you come back romance do you still hit the road hard I don't do it like you guys do it where I don't have the stamina to go

weeks on end like you went out with a bus right yeah it was hardcore when you're doing like day rooms instead of hotel rooms like you'd get in the bus oh you slept on the bus yeah yeah I like sleeping on the bus Well, if the bus is moving, it just rocks you to sleep. Nice. Yeah. I try to go out for a weekend and come home.

I can't do that. I mean, I used to do that, like, three months out just, you know, in a, when I was doing comedies of comedy, we were in a van. Dang. Like, we would all steal pillows from our hotel rooms, and by the middle of the tour, we had, like, built these cocoons around ourselves. So it's like me and Zach Aliphonakis and Maria Banford and Brian Possein. We look like silkworms.

And our whole seats just kind of, br-hmm. I can see Possein being. pretty comfy he's like a big yeah yeah he's he we usually give him the front seats he he could like lean back a little bit that is I remember that that show is it how did that come together was that you guys were like we're doing this or it was me I was me and Zach doing um I did a I did a show at the 40 watt in Athens and it was so fucking good because at the time I was on King of Queens which was a great show but a lot of the crowds that I was getting they were like oh King of Queens we watch it with our fans

families and like the stuff I was doing really wasn't like landing with them. I'm like, I need to kind of find my audience. And I went and did this like tiny music festival and that kind of crowd. And a small rock club was like, this is who this is who I should be right. So I called Zach up. I was like, hey, you know, I got this guy. He knows like these really cool little rock clubs we could do up and down the East Coast. He's like, yeah, let's do that. So we did a bunch of those. And then it was really successful. So then I added Maria and Brian and then we went out and did a whole tour did up and on the west coast up and on the east coast it kind of got big we ended up doing like uh the irving plaza in new york had a lot of

guests on that show i remember that people that were in town milaney was on that one yeah yeah yeah and um david cross and and and uh and just so like it just was oh yay friends get to hang out right and do clubs they want to do and then you can actually have adventures in between like do stuff during the day rather than get in, all right, I'm in the hotel room, you get to the club, there's some local opener that they've, you know, or a local DJ. Oh, yeah. How you doing? I'm the dog.

I got to give away a couple T-shirts. I'll bring you right up. What do I say? Right. Everybody loves Raymond. What's the show? You're right. And so it just felt more like, hey, we're all in this.

We're all excited to be doing this. Yeah. When you're on those shows, you can tell, like, the comedians on the shows are actually friends and are on a trip. That just adds to the energy so much. And it was fun. I started as an alt guy. So that was like our beacon.

That movie. Yeah, that was huge. Yeah, it was good, man. Yeah. Remember when we were young comics and we hung out with Maria Bamford? Oh, yeah. And we were like, holy shit, was Maria Bamford. And she was so cool.

I mean, it was like, we were in Vancouver, right? Yeah. Where in Vancouver were you? We did some fest and she came out drinking with us and we were like, holy shit, we're with Maria Bamford. I have a photo of it somewhere at my phone. Same. You me, Hanley, Joe List.

Yeah, Carmen Lynch. Veter and Maria Bantford. Holy shit. It was cool. Yeah, Maria's, her shit, like, she's so fucking raw up on stage about just openly, I have fucking mental stuff that I'm struggling with. Sure.

And making jokes about that. Oh, yeah. Effortlessly. Your comedy, you know, I want to get into this, because that must have been hard for you. Because you're, I feel like a lot of guys have copied you now, but you had to, you were, you kind of went a different way. The York stand-up was weird and original for that time.

It must have been hard to break through the club circuit with like the Einstein, diarrhea, bed death, all that. Like, those jokes were a little outside the box. Well, it wasn't that I wasn't, it wasn't that I wasn't punching through with the clubs. But a lot of, and you know this, a lot of clubs, the sign just says, comedy. Yes. They're not coming to see anyone specific. They don't have any taste of what they like and don't like it. It's like, I just want to see a goddamn comedy show.

And you're there to sell drinks. But you killed at the clubs, though. I saw you at Carolines in high school and you killed. I mean, you were... Well, yeah, I mean, I... Because I learned very quickly, like, I do want to do this as a profession. I did. There were a lot of...

As much as I love... And I still love doing the Largo, but... And you know this. In the alt scene, there were also a lot of hot house flowers that were really good in these alt rooms, but they never went out of the road. 100%. And you've got to be able to...

Now, there were also people that only did the road. and that kind of hardens you and you don't, you kind of stop having a personality after a while and you also become memorable. So you've got to find that right balance of you go right in the alt rooms and then you edit on the road. Like the road makes you

get, I remember I was doing a show with Mitch Hedberg at the Largo one night and he said something so, he goes, beware of any comedian who writes for a half an hour and says they have a half an hour in new material. Oh, so true. Like you do a bit at the Largo and it's like

two minutes of this will work. Yeah. On the road or like in front of it. You know what I mean? It works here because the crowd is one of a different wavelength, but don't expect to go out and go, so I went to this audition. And I don't know.

It's on the Fox lot. Now you know, going down peak on people like, the fuck are they? You know. And a lot of people never made that adjustment. So I try. I mean, again,

there was a lot of failures and I got boot off stage in Pittsburgh one time. It was right during the league. You were like Rathlisberger's innocent. No, I was making like the fucking lightest jokes about, it wasn't even political. I was just made a couple of references to George W. Bush, like before the Iraq war. And I think people were all freaked out and they just started screaming at me. Damn. And they'd locked me up in the office and while they had to clear the room out.

Jeez. Yeah, it was really, really rough. So I was like, okay, I've got to figure out a way. two first I got to find my audience and then get confident enough to make any audience my audience yeah well you were one of the guys you could make a joke about anything like you know sometimes this thing happens to and you're like this is funny but no one's going to get it like you had that magician bit yes that was amazing wasn't on werewolves and lollipops whereos and that magician in richmond kentucky on a one-nighter well i've i'd also seen comedians if

you are as interested enough in what you're talking about and it really is fascinating to you. You can transfer that to the audience. Yeah. You know, it's like how Dave Chappelle has big blocks of time on stage where he's not necessarily getting a laugh, but the audience is interested. He's telling you as fast. You're like, okay, let's see where this goes, you know, but if you're, I've had, ironically, he's good at transitioning. Yeah, he is, yeah, I've had millions of those nights at open bikes where the heroin addict is there or the crackhead guy or the schizophrenic guy. Dr. Pepper. Yes, Dr. Pepper. But you captured it. We all had our open mics where there was some that I just called them like the persistent mutants where they were never going to have a career as a comedian, but they were going to be there every week to tell their tale.

And it was so in D.C., we had a guy named J. Van Hubbard and a guy named Jim Anderson, like these guys who were like, I don't know why you're showing up, but there's something kind of beautiful. Of 100%. There's like a purity to it. Yeah. They're there for love of the game. they have not figured it out on a business way but like they're going to be there

and you're like all right it's almost freak show kind of traveling circus type shit like we had Mike Lawrence on here last week and we started together and we had an old guy this guy must have been 900 years old he came in on crutches

we had the guy who was clearly off you know mentally and he thought he was going to be the next Tom Cruise but yeah we had everybody yeah but that's also I mean you look at someone like Mike, back then in comedy, there was also you were expected to sort of have a

specific rhythm and a specific look and a specific way about you. And I think one of the best things that all comedy did was really blow open the door or two. There's no way to look or talk or act as a comedian. Mike's, the way he talks and looks is not like the rhythms of other comedians. But audiences are now so much more open to especially like people that are maybe neurodivergent or just approach jokes in a completely different way. They're like, okay, good, that's how this goes then. Mike's also so clearly like a savant. He's an incredible joke writer.

He's insane. He's so good. He's so good. But behind the joke writing are genuinely brilliant insights about life that as funny as he's making the jokes, you're like, shit, that's a really good point too. Yeah, yeah. But he does it without, a lot of times I will, when I'm trying to make a point, I'll fall into, like, I'm very aware of when I fall into claptor, and I'm like, oh, fuck, I don't want to do that.

I don't do that. And it happens, yeah, I'm like, I got to keep this fucking jokes. And a lot of times that, that's one bad thing that Twitter in these last couple years did to, it made a lot of us a little bit self-righteous only because the world got so insane. And it took me a while to realize pointing out someone's hypocrisy and insanity doesn't really matter to a lot of people. If you point out, like, if you point out, like, they want blood. We don't want to numb yourself to this insanity, but you also don't want to be, like, freaking out every day, yeah. But also, like, you realize if you point out, like,

this guy said this, and now he's doing this, and it took me a while to realize that's what's appealing about that person is that they're completely lying about whatever they're doing and still getting away with that's a form of power. Yeah. It's to go, like, yeah, this person should be condemned for this. You're doing the same thing. Yeah, I know.

Right. I know I'm doing the same thing, and it doesn't affect me. Like, there is a appeal to that in a lot of people. Oh, yeah. And you can't, if you get wound up by that, you're the butt of the joke. You're suddenly, you're the dean and animal house. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Yes, exactly. It is kind of cool how a lot of the conservatives and a lot of the, like, far right, like the racist, took the National Lampoon, Onion, alt comedy, ironic racism playbook, and just used it to become. the rebels that are making them always go, oh, my God, what is going? You know what I mean?

It's that. It's weird how they, everyone switch places. I really did. It's crazy. And I got wound up in that shit, man. Yeah, you got a lot of hate for a while. How did you handle that? I'm too much of a sensitive quiff.

I would panic. It's a common, one thing you were saying earlier about a lot of the hate that you get online, you're like, oh, this isn't real. You never meet them in real life. Sure. And also, you realize, oh, there's some things that they were going to hate you anyway or they already hated you and you just gave them an excuse

they can now always bring like people always bring up Chappelle to me because I wrote that thing about like and again the thing that I wrote and I did post a really dushy picture of me writing the thing that I was going to post which was so fucking douche it's like

Mr. Mr. Poetryville sitting there writing but when you're in the eye of the storm you're like put something out like the fuck do so but if you read the thing I wrote I'm like Dave Chappelle's fucking brilliant I came up with him He's a friend But we disagree on this one fucking thing

I don't agree with his stance And this one thing Comedians fight about shit all the time Do you think he's transphobic Or do you think the jokes are just I thought the jokes were lazy Okay I thought the jokes were lazy

I don't think he's transphobic I think he was I don't think so I don't think so To some things that happened to him When he was young And you people Look I've said plenty of shit

On my early albums That I now I know better You know what I mean Trust me Some comedy doesn't age well Like I was listening to some comedy I loved like 15 years ago and I was like, oh, it sounds a little weird now. I still think it's funny. It just sounds a little weird now.

But also we got into this. But that's okay. It's okay. We signed up for, we said yes to one of the most ephemeral art forms in existence, comedy. It doesn't age. We should accept that and kind of roll with it. But at the time, because I have a lot of friends, I have family members who are trans who are transitioning. And I talk to them and they're fucking terrified right now.

Yeah. And it's the exact same thing to me when, back when black people would say, the cops beat us up all the time. And everyone's like, oh, would you, this is all bullshit. This is fear-mongering. And then we put cameras on cops, and lo and behold, there's footage of cops beating the fuck out of. Like, listen to the minority group. If they're telling you they're scared, they're not making shit up, you know? and so when I said that

then people are like this mother like even now trust me when you post clips of this I guarantee you there'll be people going are you still are you still like going to throw yeah that's what I'm saying

it never ends it is funny because you tell me someone was telling me the other day that the movie rush hour now has like a warning a disclaimer up top like we're talking about these jokes are a little outdated or something like that but it's a funny movie

yeah and by the way you can totally I don't know Why is comedy the only thing that we need that for though Because if it was a drama They wouldn't be like Hey this is kind of fucked up

You know why Because clearly All those years Look listen We wish on a monkeys Paul All those years that we were working As comedians

We were like You guys are just fucking clowns And we're like I wish people would take my shit Well guess what Now they are Like How do I never wanted this

Clearly comedy has Fucking weight And we're like Oh shit Why did we wish for that Yeah But it does have weight and it does clearly affect people.

But why do you think it is? I'm a big fan of, I really agree with Anthony Jezzanick when people are talking about you should be able to stay book in anything and not have anything. He's like, no, you should find a way to get away with shit.

Make it funny. No one is, I agree too. No one says that in any other form of entertainment. No one's like, you should be able to make it. No, like Tarantino makes crazy shit, but it's great. But it's great.

You should strive to that, I think. I agree. Yeah. I mean, everyone that goes, you couldn't make blazing saddles today. They forget what Mel Brooks said, I couldn't make blazing saddles then. I had to find a way to sneak it through. Nobody wanted to make it. They read the script and went, this is horrible.

We're not making this. The people fucking hated it. How did he do it? How did he pull it off? And then everybody loved it. Because he's Mel Brooks and he is a... I mean, the producers is irreverent. The producers is incredible.

Jesus God. Yeah, it's springtime for Hitler. 20 years after the Holocaust. 20 years out of the Holocaust and one of the funniest characters the movie is a goddamn Nazi Yes The playwright gets big laughs

You know So you're like There's always a way But just go You should be able to say it like Look there's No that's why we tour That's why we hone

It's got to you got to You got to drudge it through the mud Yeah But you got to let us work it out too But yeah let us exactly let us work it out But also Yes let us work it out But if you're a comedian

And enough people are saying hey this is really I'm coming to you because I'm not a scold I'm just like this is really harmful and this is why I just go I'm sure I can find another way to say this or there's a way to it like I'm a comedian you can't go no

that's the way I wrote it and I can't change it how the fuck are you and show this? I guess the difference is like we kind of focus test our material throughout the country wars and like you're a filmmaker you're just like here it is put it out I guess some people will focus test

their stuff but like yeah There was, look, trust me, there was still shit that was cut out of blazing saddles. And there was some shit he put in for, on purpose for the studio to go, take that out so that he could get the thing that he wanted. The scene when she, Lily von Stupp is with Sheriff Bart and she goes, is it Tuu what they say about you guys? And then you hear the zipper on the zip. And then she goes, oh, it's Twu, it's Twu, it's Twu! And then the line they cut out was, Cleveland goes, you're sucking on my arm. and they made them take that out

but he got to keep all the other stuff he won I think he told that story on fresh airs and I was like holy shit what a fucking that's a funny line That's a great joke Oh yeah I mean but he

It's a bummer that line didn't get in It's a great line Yeah it's not about a dick Perfect line But we have to remember though Because we go Ah you can't make these movies anymore Or the joke can be offensive

But it has to be funny But also just because people get offended Doesn't mean they're right either That's true You know We have to find We've lost the, hey, can we all take a breath and find a balance here rather than it's all this way or it's all that way? Does it all have to be scorched fucking earth?

Can I, can I? You can be offended? That's okay. Can I love Dave Chappelle and I truly do, but go, ah, those jokes, I'm not crazy about those jokes. But also, not everyone's going to bat a thousand on all their topics either. I mean, you know, that's the thing is I think intent and consistency are so important. Exactly. And, you know, there's comedians I love.

and I'm like, I disagree with that, but I'm still laughing. Yeah, not even the end of the world. Or not even, yeah. Listen, Nick DePaolo and I, I think, agree on nothing. But he has made me laugh. He's a fucking good comic. He has some good. Opinions that I don't agree with, but a lot of the ways he does,

I'm like, ah, shit, that's fucking funny. And it's important to keep those people in your life, I think. You know, or else you're living in an echo chamber. Right. And you don't, I get bored when I'm with. people who only agree with me. I really do. That's the other thing about...

That's why I hang out with a lot of Nazis in my spare time. I like to mix it up. Well, they're very clean. It's good to be here. They're very clean. That's the thing about, the other thing about the Chappelle thing

that I realize wasn't, it's like, oh, from an outsider's point of view, comedians fight with each other all the time. We fight about stuff. We fight about material. We argue about material. That's how our material gets good. There's nothing makes you funnier

than when you're sitting around and your friends are busting your balls going, you're really doing that. Come on, man. Like that's so, and, but that, to an outsider, it's like, fuck, they, they hate each other. Yeah. No, that's what we do all the time. We're not feuding with anybody.

We don't, that's how we do that. That scene in the Jerry Seinfeld documentary where he's trying to make the joke work about think tanks. Yes. And he can, and A, I was so amazed that he like puts footage in a documentary about himself where jokes weren't working. Yeah. Like he's showing you the process. of, yeah, these jokes don't come out of books. We have to take them up and keep working them until they work.

And then he's sitting at the olive tree, I think, with George Wallace and Colin Quinn. And George Wallace finally goes, he's like, how, Jeremy's like, how does someone get fired from a think tank? That's the joke, and I can't find it. And then George Wallace goes, man, Kenny, sometimes you don't think. Yeah. And you see Jerry's face like, like, he sees the whole bit. Right. Because George, like, gives it to him.

Yeah, that's what you think. You better think again. In a way, that's a form, yeah, that's like a form of argument of like, couldn't you have taken it here? Yeah. Why don't you take it here? Well, look, we do it less and less as we get older, but Mark and I used to bounce bits in coffee shops for hours. Oh, my God. And then, you know, it used to be part of the podcast.

We kind of got lazy. We should go back to it a little more. But we would, Mark and I would, you don't do, you could still text everyone sometime. Sometimes you'll hop on. But like, I feel like we don't do it the way we used to. You sit and you kill it. Well, the thing is also, you're not in your 20s. anymore and you can't assassinate a day to borrow a phrase from Bill Marr, the way you used to,

where you would, especially if you're on the road, like, it's 11 o'clock, let's go get breakfast and hang out at the mall and just look at stuff and talk about things. Walk around. We've got shit to do now. Yeah. And you kind of miss those days when you can just sit and just go, yeah, but this thing and this thing. Oh, that was great.

Or just sit there and go, I know there's something funny here and I can't find it, you know. Or at those days, and I still appreciate when people do this, someone just did this on a bit that I thought was working great and they're like look I know that you but there it's so lazy the way that you're setting it up and delivering it if you just did it this way and I'm like fuck you're right like yeah I never offended my shit like that like that like all you're doing is helping me right you're not you're not trying to fuck with me you're just like I see what you're trying to do if you just worded it this way it it'll work 10 times yeah yeah sometimes you're comfortable if the if the payoff is getting enough sometimes you get a little lazy in the setup

yeah or they're taking too much fucking that's my the problem I take way too much fucking time sometimes to go where I'm going

you could just start it right there but that's also I think that's also sometimes like you talk about Largo or like

alt room sometimes they'll give you more they'll listen better yes they will as opposed to like if you're going up at the cellar

or the funny you're following someone you're following someone who's like bam bam bam bam bam back all right I got to fucking

move this story here we go working out stories of the cellar has been like that's hard but it's so helpful dude

yeah you got because I'm like all right I've got to have hard punches in it. You know why it else? There are other reason it's helpful, and I know you guys have both experiences, is there anything more frustrating

than when you record a special or an album? And then it's not going to come out for another three months, so you're still touring on that material. And then you find three or four better ways to do jokes that you've now recorded permanently. You're like, Netflix, can I put this in? If I had just cut the whole... I know, I know.

Or you think of a better tag to it? Yes, yes, exactly. That is the worst. That drives me insane. Or when it comes out and someone's like, what if you said this? And you're like, fuck, that's pretty good. God damn it. Yeah.

I just, someone gives you a tag on a special that already came out. I'm like, thanks. Yeah, right. That was helpful all the time. Well, I was very lucky. I toured with this guy named Orlando Laba. It was really, really funny Dominican guy. And he, I had a bit that was in the middle of my, this was my second and last special.

And this big bit that was in the middle of the special. And he was like, you realize that's your closer. I know that you're putting it in the middle. middle, you should, it brings everything you're talking about together and I realized, and he was right, like that was my, and it changed the whole set. It made it 10 times better, all just by moving one bit. Damn. Like, didn't even realize that. Interesting. Yeah. Big. So again, I, I'm, I'm, I'm really, I'm really, I really try to hang on to hanging out with, I'm, I've got my threads with all my comedian friend that we all text back and forth and, you know, text about shit. Uh, and you

just riff jokes off each other. But a lot of that is just like, they're just Twitter jokes. Like, I'm not going to go on stage and go, hey, one of us mentioned, what if Charles Bukowski did Star Wars? So here's a bunch of different lines. You can't really do that. Actually sounds like a good idea. That's a very bad. Can I give you a tag on your Easter eggs?

Yeah, please, yeah, absolutely. What's that? 30 years old? Oh, my God. What was that? What is that called, that product? Paws. Paws, Easter eggs.

Yes, yes. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, look, there's always, we're, I think we're coming out of the whole online outrage bullshit and I think it'll kind of calm down a little bit in the middle but I don't mind

hang on I hope that wonder if that's being picked up but yeah I don't mind when my my dopey shit is going to be like the internet's forever I'm like yeah I've done some stupid shit and now it's on the internet

it's a joke it's a zinger I tweeted something stupid I was trying for a joke it didn't work and what am I supposed to do like Eddie Murphy said this and that you're like Yeah, it's over. What do you want? Should he go back in time?

It's done. It's on a record. But also people that go, people that say that shitty stuff now and go, well, Eddie Murphy did back in 85. Yeah. And he has grown since then and gone, yeah, I didn't know any better. You can't start, you can't draw your line in the sand in something that someone has already grown out of and go, I'm being a First Amendment warrior.

No, you're just doing hacky shit. It's like going, milk was 11 cents back then. Now it's not. You're like, yeah, it was different then. Things were different. But also to what you're saying, that people are taking comedy more seriously. And shocker, we're not infallible. No, my God.

Not only are we not infallible, the thing that makes us so entertaining is that we're fucking train wrecks. Like, we're messes. Let us be trade wrecks. That's why we got into this. We say stupid shit. Right. You know? Yeah, there's going to be, it's going to be really interesting to someone will write the book about all the online outrage and all the shit.

There's already some out there. I mean, it's crazy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, I had a, I've told you this before, but people pick and choose, I did a joke where I said retard, and a lady comes up being in the merch table, and she goes, you shouldn't say that word, I have a niece with Down syndrome, and I go, what did you think about the Holocaust stuff? She goes, that was great. That happened to me to show, too, a similar holocaust thing, a woman was offended that was making fun of crystals. And she was like, I literally was doing Hitler material two minutes ago. Yeah, but, you know, pick and choose.

And it's like you were saying, why rappers say crazy shit, but no one really says. seems to care, but they care when you say it. Yeah, but there's a certain type of people who's getting offended. And they think that we're going to react differently. Yeah, right, which is like kind of racist to begin with. In the words of Adam Carolla, PETA never goes to the player's ball. It's all fur coats, you know, but they never go there and throw the paint because, you know, some shit might go down.

Yeah. Oh, my God. That's, yeah, you're right. It's the same as like ICE is not going after drug dealers and gangbangers. They're going to, they're going to kindergarten graduations and Home Depot. Right. Yeah, we got to get the, we get there's supervillains out there. Yeah, I got to get down.

And my God, there's that, there's a MS-13 strawberry cartel that we got a, that would be a great twist if they just got Melania. You know, she never had the paperwork just randomly. I think she'd be glad to go at this point. That'd be. How bad is Slovenia? Called them on herself. There's an immigrant in the White House. You need to get down here.

She's, oh, my God, she's saying everybody's money. he was going to deport Elon for a second which would have been fun just to have Elon in the pen with all those other guys He's still going to be tweeting He still would have found a way to tweet Right God these guys

You have billions of dollars Think of the life you could live Think of the You got all these kids think of the And your fucking tweet If I had a I forgot who said this If you gave me a billion dollars

You'd never hear from me again You'd never hear from me again I wouldn't bother anybody Well that's one of the perks of how fucking nuts Twitter is is like, you know, I have tweets from 2006 where I'm like, oh, this and that. No one cares. There's a guy getting

his head cut off with a butter knife. You know, so like, people are like, all right, we'll deal with that later. Let's focus on the butter knife video. Yeah, yeah. There's so much crazy shit. It's hard to keep track. We've got to get vicious and better knives, dude. Yeah, way better knives. Come on, man. It's a bad knife. All right, where are you going to be? You're on the road there, Patty?

Oh, where am I going to be? This comes out, hold on the 17th. 17th of August. 17th of August. I'm going to be at the... Wait, my God, they have so much shit going on there. I think we solved cancel culture, guys. I think we got to the bottom of them.

I don't think white people have talked about cancel culture enough. I'm glad we waited on that. I mean, you can go to... I have so much shit coming up. You can go to Pattenhousewalt.com. I mean, I'm going to be in Eugene Oregon at the Olson Run Comedy Club,

but all those shows are sold out, so I don't know why I just said that. But in October, I'm doing stuff across Milwaukee. I'm doing Flint, Michigan. Nice. So there's a lot of tour dates are coming up. Check the website. The tickets are selling.

Oh, there you go. Yeah. I'll be in Wilmington, Delaware. In October. I'll be in Hammond, Indiana. Oh, that's going to be interesting. I've been there. You've been to Hammond?

Oh, yeah. We did a, this Christofof, and I did a gig there where we were doing a casino and they wouldn't let his daughter in. It was like a state rule that she can't come in. We're like, I know, but we're the show. Can we just bring? And they were like, no. So I had to watch her while he.

He was on stage outside. It was a mess. Wow. Jeez, that's how Jared Fogel started. You get to watch out. Oh, and I'm going to be in Austin in September at the Paramount on Friday the 19th. Great room. That's going to be great because I come in really early that week and I'm a judge at the Fantastic Fest.

So I get to watch movies all week. And then I got to do the Paramount that night. So I'm going to be in heaven that week. Hell yeah. It's going to be at the Alamo watching a weird new horror and science fiction movies. Love it. And then doing shows. I couldn't be happier.

But just watch out of that alibi. You got to eat in the dark. You do got to eat in the dark. It's a weird feeling. It is a little, yeah. Yeah, you're like, is there bugs in this? I have no idea. I got the Irvine Improv, the 22nd to 24th,

and I'll be in Oklahoma City. That'll be fun, the Bricktown Club. Oh, nice. To Venetian and Vegas, Rochester, New York. We got Chicago Theater will be fun. Winnipeg, Canada. And then I'm going to Europe, Barcelona, Milan, Dublin, Liverpool, London, Paris, Amsterdam,

Where in London? The Shepherds Bush Empire. It's a really cool one. I love that theater. Okay. Can I tell a quick story? Please, please. The first ever gig I did in London in the UK was at the Shepard's Bush Empire.

Whoa. Sick. Well, I will say I did not have an amazing set last time I was there. It is an amazing room. Don't get me around. I'm not putting down. Hold the photo of the room. I'm dying to see it.

But I was opening up for Amy Mann and Michael Penn. Wow. I was touring with them because they don't like doing stage banter. so they would have a comedian sorry speaking I've been sitting on that for an hour and a half yeah sorry

keep going can we cut out everything but that oh god so I'm opening up for amen and Michael they don't like doing stage banners they have a comedian open for them and then you intro all their songs

and they let you say whatever you want so you'll go and go this next song is about the fact that every year 40,000 ring-tailed squirrels are killed because of industrial logging. And then she has to go sing, you know, like voices carry or something. She's so confused.

Wow, look at that. It's beautiful. It's a gorgeous room. Okay. See how big that room is? So they say, okay, you're going out first. We're ready to go. So I go out and the room, the way, you know, the lighting is you cannot see anyone.

And that means it is classic theater lighting. It is, you're looking at darkness. So I go up and I start my bits. I do a couple bits. nothing no laughs nothing and I mean not even rustling and coughing nothing silence and then I start doing that thing where I'm talking a little faster because I'm getting nervous oh my fucking God this is my London debut I'm eating it and oh my god this is so horrible and then conversation kind of starts in the back of the room people start talking and then it starts moving down toward the front like

people and like and then I finally do my like last bit and there's just kind of a yeah yeah you You know, I go, okay, and then, hey, me, man, I'm not going to be out in a second. Okay, okay, everybody. And then I went off stage, just sweating and freaking out. And then the club owner was like, okay, the crowd's almost done seating. And I go, what do you mean almost done seating? And they go, well, we let them in like halfway through your set. I'm like, what?

Oh, my God. He goes, yeah, we let them in. He thought, like, comedy was like ambient music, like it could just be a thing. Yeah, of course. Which means that a sold-out, um, uh, crowd at that venue walked in and saw me alone on stage just talking and then they're like this fucking maniac and so they're all walking down to get their seat that was the conversation they're all slowly they thought it was performance art they didn't think it was comedy

the fuck is going on here and then and then i just said okay and then amy man i'll be and then they clap for that like oh good he's done talking yeah wow and i was like that was my fucking london debut oh that is amazing Jesus Christ you're just pandora it was on i was I was I should do this to whoever opens for me there. Yeah. I got Salt Lake City and then I got Carnegie Hall in New York City. Oh, and Reno as well. I am.

I'm pumped. Very excited. Reno Nevada as well. I forgot Reno. Local boy makes good. That's exciting. Who's opening for you? Veter.

Gary Veter. That's my guy. When I did Carnegie Hall, I had Bridgett. Everett opened for me. She sang. And on a tough follow. I've had to follow her. She's so fucking good.

And she had two backups. She was doing all. her songs. And one of her backup singers was Adam from the Beastie Boys. Oh, cool. Oh, my God. I mean, Ad Rock. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he was one of the backup singers. So I'm like, fuck, like, she didn't tell me if she was going to bring them out. Yeah. Oh, my God. God damn it. And then I had to go out. But it ended up going, I mean, that room is just. Yeah, I've never played that. Oh, you're going to love it. You never played? No, I remember Jimmy Carr invited us both, and I couldn't make it that. Yeah, it's a banger. It's awesome. It's beautiful. And it's so, and it's

It's like when you're backstage at the Riemann Auditorium in Nashville. Yes. In the pictures of who's been up there, you're like, fuck. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You're like, Elvis fucked in that broom closet. I think the first comedy album was done there. Am I nuts?

And the Ryman or Carnegie? No, no, Carnegie. It might have been Shelley Berman. I know Ray Romano's got that great bit about the anal leakage, and he's like, I'm the only person that's an anal leakage in this venue. I love that. Oh, 1898. Get the hell out of here.

Wow. Forget it. Hell. Forget I brought it up. Mark, we're going to be there. Mark, what's coming up for you, Mark? All right. Well, I'm doing a premiere of the rats are coming.

Oh. What do we got? Hang on, the wereolds are already there. Yeah, so you'll be bringing the rats. So they are coming, though? They're on the way. Whoa, so they said yes. Yes.

A lot of time. They're hard to get, man. Wow, that's exciting. Okay, well, definitely go see that. I'm in Calgary at the Great Outdoors with Adam Ray. I'm at the Palazzo as well. I love Adam Ray. A lot of crossover.

We're doing a nine-show sold-out run of the Addison Improv, just trying to work this hour, and then Akron, Dayton, Halifax, Ottawa, Huntsville, Hattiesburg, San Jose, Boulder, Athens. We're going to Greece, Oslo, Helsinki, Stockholm. We're circling each other, dude. I know, Dublin, Valley Center. Yes, exactly. Timonium at Magoobies, that'll be a nice humble pie.

I'm sorry, wait, wait, wait, hang on. I'm sorry, you're going, wait. I got to build an hour. I'm shooting a special in September, so I've got to go back to the clubs. We'll be in Luxembourg and Paris. And then triumphantly ending in Timonium. Tracy's at the Bowman.

That's free cod. Free deep-fraid cod. Funny Bon Gaza, after that. And the Lincoln Theater, Kodak and Rochester, Niagara Falls, San Diego. Oh, Kodak is great. I love Rochester. Yes. It's fun.

Oh, nice. Rochester's pretty cool, man. Hell yeah. Black coffee and ice water. Just recorded it at the Meneta Lane Theater for Audible there. It was just a audio recording. It's an album. We're just doing an audio album.

Oh, wow. And I'm telling you, man, and I also shot a special earlier this year, but getting to just like, oh, I'm not being filmed. I can just talk and you don't need to be, like, as performing. And it was so amazing. I love listening to stand-up. Yes. I mean, that's how I got into stand-up.

is listening to it. Yes. By the way, I got to give a quick shout out. I just watch Jim Norton's new special. Oh, killer. Very funny. It is so funny.

What is it on? It's on YouTube. Okay. It's dude. It is really funny. Really good joke after joke writing, really funny. Like his stuff about his wife is so funny. Oh, yeah.

It's killer. His stuff when he, I texted him because there, he just had on Colin Quinn and Rich Voss on his podcast. And him and Colin just going after Rich Voss was some of the, I mean, there's a clip where Colin calls Rich Vos, he goes, boy, talk about a lunch pail comic. And it made me laugh so. And Jim's laughter is so fun.

Like, when he laughs at something, when it really gets him, he just goes all out. I'm like, I'm just telling you, I've watched the lunch pail comic clip like 30 times. Like, I can't get enough of this. Yeah, those two. They're so good together. God.

Norton's wife is trans. He's got a great bit where she's like, you peed on the seat. He's like, might have been you. I love his bit about her dick, and he's like, you think it's hard having a wife who makes more money than you. So good. He's got great stuff.

I forget the title of this special. Uncomprehensible? I can't remember, but it's on YouTube, really funny. Yeah, check it out. There's a clip of him on O&A back in the day where he goes off about classic rock and how much he angry he is that Black Sabbath doesn't get the attention, that lesser groups like the Beatles and Led Zeppelin are afforded. And the argument, it starts off, it's kind of really coherent and, like, you know, he's making some points.

He loves Black Sabbath. And then it just starts getting crazy, and you can tell he realizes he's gone off the rails. But now he will not back down. And the way he digs in is so hilarious where he won't, like, to the point where everyone else is like starting to, like, at one point he goes, you two Sunday Bloody Sunday that's Sabbath bloody Sabbath it's stolen and they're like Jim what the he's obsessed with Ozzy oh god it's so funny I saw Ozzie tweeted about the special too no way he did he tweeted you gotta watch Jim's new special well that's a drug addict he must be in it so he's back on the song yeah Jim might be the quickest guy too he's just so fast

but Quinn got him once Jim was like talking about a brag about a movie he was in he's like Yeah, we're shooting, and Quinn goes, hopefully yourself. God damn it. We went on a weird Jim Norton tear there. But, yeah, check out all Patton special. Check out Norton special. So it's on Audible, and what's it called Patton? It's not out yet.

It's called Black Coffee and Ice Water. It'll be out in November on Audible. Oh, hell, yeah. It is their first, like, audio comedy special they've ever done. So I'm very, very honored and really excited. and I'm like, why the fuck haven't I just been putting out albums instead of... I know. This is so much better.

Like, the way you talk is you're so much more relaxed. You've got to do it special. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Comedy's best to listen to, medium driving or whatever. That's how I take it in usually. That's the best way.

I love an album. You don't want to see this when you're watching comedy? Look at this. Oh, my God. Shirtless, my torso looks like Walter Mathouse's face. It's not good. Thank you, folks. I'll see you later.

Take it easy. Sunday's a day for my next fender. A bit of fever wreck, you know the fear juice close. I've had a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking poke, and I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like the cops coming, and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous.

I'm out to lunch here in New York. This woman doesn't look like I remember her, and I get down in the same way. We might be true.