We Might Be Drunk - Ep 246: Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

Greg Fitzsimmons joins Mark and Sam for a wild one. From Boston blow-fueled road gigs and Charlie Sheen stories to rat infestations and exterminators with hockey sticks, nothing’s off limits. They cover Ellen horror stories, the porn awards, big hog rumors, and the grind of writing a new hour. Plus, Fitz reflects on his upbringing, mescaline-fueled teenage adventures, and life in Venice Beach. Greg's Website: https://gregfitzsimmons.com Fitz Dog Radio: https://gregfitzsimmons.com/podcast Sponsored by: 💸 Your new wardrobe awaits! Get $10 off @chubbies with the code DRUNKS https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/DRUNKS 🧵 Support the show and get free shipping on your Quince order, plus 365-day returns https://www.quince.com/drunk 🎧 Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD 🛒 Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ 🎬 Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets ⸻ 🎙️ Check out That Sounds Right — the comedy panel show hosted by the producer of WMBD: https://www.youtube.com/@thatsoundsrightshow Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #GregFitzsimmons #MarkNormand #SamMorril #ChubbiesPod #Quince #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey

And now we're live. Hey, we did do some shit talking before we heated these puppies up. We got Greg Fitzsimmons, everybody. Oh, buddy, man. We've known you a while, man. Been a long time. I kind of missed you guys starting out in New York, and you got to the point where you were like,

people like who's good in New York these days and this is going back 12 years and everybody's like these two guys and I hadn't even seen you and so then when I saw each of you I was like oh these are guys that are actually doing stand-up they're not trying to fucking audition for sitcoms or that right yeah it's rare shit

wait sorry what am I doing here it's called a spaghetti you put a little a little compari in there that's what Peter set up first Miller highlight with little compari is called a spaghetti Spaghetti. Spaghetti. We did it once in the pot a long time ago. It was like the hot summer drink for a minute.

It's not bad. Not bad. It's the apparel spritz for men. Yes. There we go. I drink spritzes all the time, dude. At the cellar, at the cellar, Liz orders them out of the pine glass. And we get fucking hammered.

Because they just keep bringing them and you're like four deep. You're like, I'm kind of fucked up. Yeah. They go down easy. Yeah. So do women after they have a few. So what's this called? And we've lost our one female listener, just like that.

There she goes. Come on, we're drinking, we're drinking Figgots. You got to pronounce that right. Oh, man. I got the non-alcoholic. Good for you. It's actually a good one. I forgot you were sober.

Have you hit 30 years yet? 35. Yeah, I quit when I was 24 years old. I started young. I started at like 12. The Irish, you're either a full-blown alcoholic or sober, I feel like. It's true, especially in Boston where I started, it was like every, like the way you would get gigs when you first started out is if you had 10 minutes and you had a license, then you could work because all the gigs were outside of town, like an hour. And all the headliners had DUIs so they couldn't drive anymore.

So you would just take Don Gavin or Steve Sweeney out to Worcester and you'd get like, you get like 50 bucks. It was like me and Rogan and Burr. Wow. You know, we had our driver's licenses and we'd take people out. Man. Yeah. Those were the days. Six, seven nights a week.

Yeah. And it was a lot of blow. A lot of blow. You ever do a lot of blow or no? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I did a lot of blow. That was my final night. It was one of those nights where, like, you ever buy an eight ball with like two or three other guys?

We've never done coke in our life. Are you serious? Yeah. Oh, you should do it. People are always shocked. It's awesome. It really is. It's a reason why.

people get hooked on it it's fucking great wow i mean it looks great that's why i don't do it the problem is you guys have too much money to do it you got to do it when you're broke because that puts the brakes on because it's so expensive good point you know damn right right a lot yeah a lot do a lot of do we don't really know anyone who does it anymore oh actually that's not true speaking of check out joe de rosa's new special i like how you look down the barrel on your punchlines on a podcast true that's a pro pro move every once in a while

you're like Charlie Sheen on two and a half men just right in the eyes hey she's a great fucking actor dude he's one of our bucket list get gets on this pot we've been we've been pushing put it into the universe for years Simon Rex almost got him for us oh so close

who got you Simon Rex he's available dude a clip popped up of Simon Rex in a scary movie three where he's to supposed to be Eminem. He's trying to be a rapper. I don't remember what. It's just...

Oh, I saw that. Yeah. Dude, where Charlie Sheen stops him and he's just like, he's like, you got to stop going to this, to these rap battles. He's like, you just hate me because I'm black. Man, that humor really went away. Yeah. Dude, he's a good musician.

Yeah, yeah. He's really good. He's also a really good comedic actor. Dude, the scene, we probably can't play any of this, right? It's going to get pulled. Yeah, it doesn't matter. I never made it to the third one, I got to be honest. It's got some great moments.

Okay. Yeah. This is the last of the spoofs. Naked guns. No, I saw it last night. Is it good? The first half is really good. Like, they front-loaded it.

And then it kind of, and then, you know, some of the gags, they just hit them too many times. So by the second half, you're like, okay, they hand them coffee a lot. It's, like, really funny. Like, every time they walk in a room, somebody has them a cup of coffee because they're cops. And there was like, there's, do you want me to hear a joke from it or no? Yeah. Sure. At one point he's talking to that, it's drummins, drummer, the Drebin's son.

Okay. And the guy goes, you shot my son. And he goes, well, that could be a thousand guys. And he goes, you shot him in the back. That could be hundreds of guys. He goes, he was white. Jimmy Fargo? Damn, I love jokes like that.

That's a great joke. No, the joke writing was really strong. And, you know, the problem with the naked gun is Liam Neeson does a great job, but it has to be the reason why they got Leslie Nielsen and George Kennedy is those guys had only done drama before. They were never trying to squeeze a joke out of it. And if you do that, even a little bit, it fucks up the whole tone. It's got to be dead fucking straight. Right. But he's a serious actor.

I mean, he's like, he's usually in dramas. That's what he's saying. He's saying it was a good choice. Oh, I thought you were saying that was a problem. It is a good choice, but he did try to, he did try to juice it a little bit now and again. Not a lot, but just a hint. Nothing worse when these serious guys try to go funny. I remember one time Penelope Cruz was trying to be funny in a movie, and it was horrific.

Women doing comedy. I know. But it was so bad. What movie was she trying to be funny in? She got her boobs grabbed. I can't remember. That's all I remember, because she's pretty hot. But give it a goog.

Put Penelope Cruz comedy. She was a small role. Just backstage with Harvey Weinstein. was in a movie Ham Anderson was good Yeah She's fun This is definitely

Oh I heard her actual The last movie she did was really great The last showgirl Last show girl I saw that Was it good? It was good It wasn't great but it was good

Did she put makeup on in the movie For the love of Christ? Nope Damn Jesus I know That's it Yeah it was bad

I had to watch that on a plane Or something You had to Wow They put a gun your head they're like fucking better watch it dude in the old days like you guys are too young for that but they used to play one movie that's right i remember that was at the tail end of that yeah one movie dude one movie and cigarettes yeah and hot stewardesses yes now it's all gays

or's the chicks that were hot then and they're just they're just 79 now and they're mean as shit i'm scared of them i used to be like dong they'd be like hello what can i get you now they're like what the fuck do you want yeah oh sorry geez i'm scared of all customer service Wow Waitresses The lady at the desk They're all terrifying Can I give you a peave out of the gate here

This is a dark story I have to tell it Oh good I was I was at my laptop The other night at home And I'm writing I'm like I'm in a good fucking groove I'm like working on a script

I'm like nothing that stopped me I'm fucking cooking A rat Runs across my kitchen floor And I was like In your apartment I'm on a fucking I'm a high floor dude

That's a nice joint, too. I thought they didn't go to high floors. Dude, they do. And I had an exterminator come by. First off, I tell maintenance. How big was he? I'll save the picture. First off, fucking big.

Secondly, I call maintenance. They're like, it's a mouse. I go, you think I don't know what a fucking rat is? They're like, it's a mouse. I'm like, come up and look at the turds. It's a fucking rat. I'm like, these aren't pellets. These are logs, dude.

This is dark. And they're like everywhere. So it's been there a few days. clearly I'm noticing them and I'm like fuck it sounds like he's eating well he got to put you shit away yeah I'm a slob dude I'm right but uh it's bad and I uh I call you know Liz from the cellar hooks me up with a exterminator who comes the next day he's like oh there's like a hole in this room that's why it's there I'm like all right they patch it up he's like 99% he's gone

and I'm like all right but you know you're like doing like Jim Carrey and dumb and dummy you're like but there's a chance right you know you're like fuck is there and I'm like All right. Hopefully it's gone, but it's not gone. I wake up the next morning, there's more shit. And I'm like, fuck. And I had a nightmare. So I don't, to this day, I don't know if this nightmare is real because I was on the phone with my friend.

And she lives in L.A. And she goes, I once saw a rat. And it was in my bed. And it tried to bite my finger. And I panicked and I fucking, she ended up killing it. She got in a glue trap and just, like, dropped it in her pool. Holy wow. It's like, by the way, fuck these humane deaths for rats.

If I catch these fuck around a glue trap, I'm pouring gasoline on him and lighting a fucking match, you know? Oh, who's this? Whitney Houston? Good Lord. No, she killed him in the tub. But anyway, dude, I'm like, fuck. This is freaking me out.

So now I wake up the next day, I'm like, well, it's probably old poop. That's what the guy says. It's probably, is it hard? I was like, yeah, it's kind of hard. I'm like, all right. Was he an old school guy? Was he, like, picking the shit up and tasting it? sniffing it

It's definitely a rat Yeah No we So I'm like This is the thing that really Freak me the fuck out I had a camelback You know like you sit

Like those backpacks for water And the straw you sit I look at it I was gonna fill it up Just to like walk around And sip water He ate the fucking straw The rat

So I'm like This is fucking violating now You gotta call ice So I got another exterminator They're just like Yeah I don't know if he's still here They're like doing the They're like doing the

Looking around I'm like, God damn it. I don't know if it's a dream or I don't know if it was real. To this day, I think a rat was in my bed. I look, and I'm just like, what? And I just went, I fell back asleep. And then I was like, 80% of it's a dream,

but there's a chance it was, she might have put it in my head. But then anyway, I'm like, I feel like it's still here. But that was like, I didn't see any shit. I see shit again. This is day five. So this has been in my house for, I don't know, five days now. And I'm just like freaking out. I'm like, I need a fucking.

I need to call another guy. This guy that lives sent me out with you. Like, I live three hours out of the city. I'm like, what? So it would take me three hours to get there. I'm like, no, I need someone now. I need someone now. I'm freaking out.

So I call these, I just find these guys on Google, and they're like rough around the edges. Good. Can you be here in like 40 minutes or like 40 minutes will fucking be there? He said fuck on the phone. I was like, all right, let's do it. He's like intense.

I was like, all right. It's him and two other dudes. My doorman calls me up, but he's like, those guys are assholes. I'm like, what do you mean they're assholes? I was like, how did they offend you in like just walking up? He's like, they got like a bad attitude in my head. I'm like, good, fuck it.

They come in. They're like pushing through everything. I'm like, this is cool. I had to run out because I had a thing. I had to run out. But he texts me. He texted me. He texted me this picture.

Pull it up, Salacuse. Oh, there he is. They got him. How big that's big. Yeah, that's pretty big. And I go, I go, I go, look at the turds. Look at the turds. I go.

Two different colors. I go, you found him dead. He goes, I made him dead. That's when he wrote back. What do you do? He goes, I call him. He goes, we travel with hockey sticks. And I said, what?

What the fucking way? They travel with hockey sticks and they just beat the fucking rat to death with it. Dude, it's like the Florida Panthers. Dude, they fucking beat it to death. And I was like, what do you mean? He goes, whenever we'd go to places and we'd see like rats or mice, we would just, we would use their baseball bats or a broom. And we're like, yeah, we'll just bring hockey sticks. I'm like, you guys fucking rule.

Maybe that's the retirement plan for the Panthers. They just all become exterminators. It feels like one of the warriors' gangs, you know, the ones when hockey sticks comes in. Well, there's something so inherently likable about exterminators because it's such a fucking brutal job. Sure, sure. But it's also, I'm envious to these people for being so numb to being disgusted. Because this, to me, look how. That's fat.

Look how thick he is. Oh, dude. That's insane. We had him in my yard a couple weeks ago. And, like, they kept showing up. Like, we used to get. I live in Venice. his beach so we'd get like one rat of a year running across our yard then all of sudden every

fucking night there's a rat running across so i just uh i just go get like 10 traps and i put peanut butter on them and i put them out and uh the next morning i wake up and six of them have rats but one of the traps is missing jesus we got a runner we got a guy you get a fugitive yeah he got He was respected. They got his leg or something, and he fucking, he probably die-hearted it out of there. And, you know, he went back to the, after that, we didn't catch any because he went back to the nest. He was like, guys, it's bad over there. You're like, Jimmy, you got a little something right here.

Dude, it freaks me the fuck out. I can't believe this, I mean, that is fucking. Look at that thing. I mean, that's like a possum. Dude, it's huge. I know. Yeah. Yeah. You come on like an Italian fucking pest control to cover.

They just fucking start wailing on them. Can we plug these guys? I mean, give these guys a show. Yeah, yeah, let me see. They're on 110th Street. It's definitely an Italian name. It's VC. Victor.

Put a little pan of wire around his neck. You fucking cuck sucker. Dude, it's on West 110th extermination. It's VC something. Yeah, they're fucking. I left a review. Google reviews. You could find it.

Let's see. Yeah, West 110th Street. Man, we've got to set them into Hamas. Just kill them all with hockey sticks. You go to 100th, dude. 100? No, it's 110th. Up on a hundred and 10th street.

Great song. Jackie Brown, baby. Yes, exactly. Opening scene. The Delphonics, I think. Oh, VJ? No, is it VJ? No, I think it was VC.

Go down, yeah, maybe it's VJ. Maybe it was wrong. I don't fucking know. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, go to reviews. I left one, yeah. Leave another one. V.J. Go check out of you live in New York.

Wait, I want to read your review. review. Oh, did you leave one? They think it a lot. Hey. You didn't say anything about hockey sticks. These guys are quick, efficient, and they get the job done. Very helpful.

Five stars. Yeah. Tony's got a great slap shot. Dude. Yeah, it's only my second review I've ever left, so it takes a lot for me to get on there. Wait, look up his other review. Go down. Did a great job.

They were very thorough. extremely professional all right not to the doorman apparently dude they were fucking awesome and uh fucking rats then my friend told me another story

but another rat she has in her place and she gets cornered by it in her bedroom she falls on the floor of panic pushes over a dresser the rat's trap behind it and she just kicks the dresser into the wall and smushes it

so she just hears a ha ha ha from the rat good kill him I was like it's kind of badass I'm also talking to a friend of mine who's I mean I'm hearing all, when you start talking about this, everyone starts telling you stories.

Another guy, he was just looking at this fucking, you put up a good fight and you won the battle, but I won the war, you piece of shit. Anyway, there's a lot of bodega cat in that rat, I bet.

He was slurping up. He's living very well. But we had, I was telling a friend and he goes, yeah, like back in the day, I was in an apartment, and we had glue traps behind the stove

and two mice end on it. So we just had to listen to them die. Yeah. For like, Two fucking days. We're just hearing. I heard that. She'd have to turn up the TV like, oh, fuck.

Yeah. Yeah, we got to, I live in Brooklyn. Every Wednesday you put the garbage out, and I put the garbage out, and I run back upstairs, the stoop, and I look out the window, and I see the ratches go to the garbage every night. So what I did was, yeah, it's chum. That's why Ratatooie, he had to be, like, an adorable shit. I know. You can't make them as they are.

False advertising, because these things are mean, and they chew through concrete. So that cock bullshit doesn't stay in a change. And they jump if you, if you go with them, they will jump. They jump, they jump. Yeah, they jumpers. So I went on Amazon and I bought, like, grade X rat poison, and I just started on the street. Yeah. Like where the dogs walk by?

Well, I kept it in the cracks. I kept it in the, there's some holes in the... That was water supply is tainted. Yeah, when I just shoved it all in there and just packed it in. And then, like, three days later, I saw a dead rat there, dead rat there. So, fuck them. Dead poodle there. A few babies

Yeah, exactly Look like Planned Parenthood out there Oh, I just thought of another joke from the movie They said They said to him Oh, this guy died of Manslaughter And he's like, no, he goes,

How did you die from a man's laughter? How good was the joke? He goes, no, it's manslaughter. That is good. That's pretty good. That's like the rapist. Yeah. Good stuff.

All right, well, I'll watch it then. I'm going to see it for sure. Stavi was telling me it was funny. I'm so obsessed with the old one. Like, I grew up on that. I know every joke. God, the old one is incredible. It's incredible.

It's incredible on my podcast. Whoa. Yeah, he was fucking rough. But he's not on this movie. He must be pretty pissed off. He even said to me when he was on my show, he's like, I already wrote a follow-up and nobody will read it because he's an old white guy in Hollywood. God.

Hollywood. Fucking quefs out there. Yeah. It's Zucker. I mean, Airplane, he's a legend. Yep. Airplane is so good. So good.

So great. So quotable. You know, that's what they say made Tom Kenny kill himself. You know about this? Tom Kenney. Spongebob? Did I have the name? Yeah, that's not the right guy.

Bob Kenny is the voice of SpongeBob, right. Who's Bob? Good call. Who did the Lampoon, Animal House? Oh. Bob Kenny? You know the guy, yeah, I know, Cadyshack. Cadyshack guy.

I think of Caddyshack. Yeah. So he was lauded as the, Doug Kenny, sorry. Oh. He did all the best comedies, you know, Caddyshack, Animal House, National Ampoon, everything. He was the king. He was like, I'm the best. Airplane came out, and he killed himself.

Damn. They say he fell off a cliff and didn't kill himself. Nah, come on. He's also in Animal House. He's this guy. Yeah, yeah, I remember. What are we supposed to do, you morons, that guy? What the hell we're supposed to do, you morons?

That is, I mean, that's, we got to strive for. We got to make something so good. People start off in themselves, man. That's the plan. Let's do it. Let's get that movie made, Norman. Yeah. I don't know.

What's taking so long? Oh, it's tough. Fucking out, that guy. He's, he's great. Oh, yeah. He was in a bunch of shit, character actor. Yeah, sopranos and the mask. Oh, yeah.

He was always a cop. So, yeah, how the hell are you? You got your special on YouTube. I watched the whole goddamn thing. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah, and I should see if he liked it before I said I liked no I liked it The baseball chunk is gold I got I gotta watch I should watch it before you had I'm gonna watch it I'm gonna watch it Yeah everybody should watch it it's uh we did good we did good in the first uh year we got like half a million views it's not a million so let's get it to a million

Yeah it's definitely you know me um but yeah it was good because like it gave me a chance i missed your guys podcast but i went out and they did everybody's podcast and like you guys put out specials It's kind of fun to do a podcast tour. Yes. Like, everybody's different. Right. You just go in and, you know, you try to figure out everybody's energy. And, um, but I did, uh, pussy. You got to figure out every chick, you got to be like, oh, this is over here.

Right. On you. Or you like rough, you like it's, uh, whatever. This podcast is Harry Ariolus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. The hell. Yeah. And then, uh, and then, uh, and then just touring and, you know, coming up with the new hour is always kind of a cool challenge. You always like spend the first three months just cranking and you got tons of new shit. Snapping on poor audiences. Fucking idiot. That's a good joke. No, it's not. Then you wonder, how did I ever write a joke before? I know. Yeah, right. And then, and then you kind of slug off for a while. Yep. Yep. You know, but. Once you get that first 15, I're like, all right, I can

survive. Yes. But God, it's hard. But I was pretty disciplined about like not doing anything from the last hour. Nice. It's so hard. It's the only way to do it. So hard. Yeah. So how much you got, do you think? I got five, I got five minutes. No, I got an hour, but... Oh, already? But, no, this was a year ago. The special came out a year ago.

Oh, geez, been a year? Or nine months, nine months. But I had it after, I had it after like four months. But that's with a healthy dose of crowd work, some shirt work, some hat work, some first date work. Right, right. Wait, what does that mean? That's what I asked them, like, nice shirt, nice hat. It's your first date.

Yeah, I mean, it is so damn hard, man. It's like you start from zero and you're like, is this? Then you start listening to the last one. You're like, how do I write a joke again? I know. But the problem is you need momentum. But it's so hard to get momentum with new shitty material that you're just like, I can't get going. But then after you have a couple bits, you can add to that one.

You can segue to this one. It's a lot easier once you have that. It's like starting a bicycle. The first pedal is hard. Then you want you're going, you're going. And then you get charged. Chunks and you don't see how, or not even chunks, like, single jokes and you go like, all right, this is just dangling there.

There's no transition. And then you find like, oh, fuck, this goes with, it's like a jigsaw. Oh, this goes with this and this goes with this. Exactly. Yeah. Then you get a couple pillars. You're like, oh, this is holding up the whole fucking 15 right over here. Then if you get another pillar, now you can play a little bit with these two big bits and always kills.

But those two thirds done jokes are the brutal ones. You're like, I know this is a really good premise. I know it's got a next, a good term. but it needs another thing it's just as you're saying it's just hanging there and it's that's what kills you that's why you need a good feature just somebody who's gonna watch you like really and they got to find one you can bounce shit bombing up there it's crazy who's your feature no i'm kidding beaters great yeah right right yeah i just used a guy umar oh con yeah yeah in uh australian he was he was raven out of baltimore yes yeah he's great you bring him to australia

yeah we had a we had a great old time uh-huh he killed it we talked about you quite a bit No, that's nice. He said, you've been sitting on that hour for about 17 years. Yeah, he was a funny dude. I think he did a guest set on one of my shows in Arlington, like, way back in the day. Oh, yeah. He's a good egg. Yeah.

I killed it up there. But the best is like, the tough thing is when you're writing your new hour, like, you're looking like, I'm reading the fucking New York Post, which is just a premise machine. And then you write topical shit. Like, I had, like, my special came out in August, so I was like, I had all this Olympic material that was crushing. because it's current people want to hear the other and then you go like oh that's not part of my new hour that's good until november right but at least you could put that online yeah yeah right but you're like hopefully this mangyoni trial gets stretched a little bit because i like what i have there exactly that kind of died i thought there was going to be this like this plethora

of anti-corporate CEO material like i really thought that was a wave like when you saw how people reacted to that murder you go oh yeah oh yeah this is a turning point this is like the revolution we need one more how about the ticket master guy yeah what about the shooter guy man had that was kind of corporationy oh yeah right right he missed he missed the mark you think it was like

he was killing people had nothing to do with it yeah not that you should go out and kill I probably should say that so we don't get demonetized tell that to VJ exterminator you guys keep killing you keep killing the hockey six is so cool to me well it's great about those guys is

those guys are probably sick twisted fuck who killed the class pet and then now you can channel that into an occupation you just got to find you're crazy and then put it into some good like those military guys are like let me out there I want to kill some fucking

whatever and you're like thank God we're not at war with them anymore dude sorry kill some fucking Ruski's or whatever you need those guys out there who want to do that you don't want them shooting up a school

but you want them shooting up the enemy yeah let me out there such a funny thing Going into war Let me at him Remember that That was a big thing After 9-11

There was always Corn-fed white guys In the middle of the country Like I'm going over there Fuck you That's where the footage of D-Day is so great Because like the ship opens And they just fucking run at the cliff

Like full speed Yeah then they get shot in the face immediately Oh Where did like two out of three guys die Yeah Some poor kids from Oklahoma They're like 18 years old Crazy

And a lot of them like Hadn't even fought yet This is their first battle I know. And then you think how much of a pussy I am, like, just that trip out to Germany, I'd be like, this is brutal. How long is this flight? Now we're on a fucking boat.

No meal? No meal. Staten Island ferry, I'm like, this fucking rock. Yeah, this is brutal. And I'm going to end up in Staten Island when I'm done? That might be worse than D-Day. That's true. Rank the boroughs, Sam.

Well, obviously Manhattan is one to me. I go Brooklyn, too. Yeah. I go Queens three Queens over the Bronx Yeah Well the Bronx ain't what it used to be Yeah

I was born in the Bronx I lived there for the first Is that eight years of my life Is that disrespectful I like the Bronx I feel like Bronx is like More entrenched New Yorkers Whereas like Queens is like

Everybody's from somewhere else I spent more time in Queens I also think like Queens has like so many different parts Yeah There's like kind of levels to it And there's so many different ethnic groups There that you've such a variety of food

You ever hang out out in Corona Park with all the old Italians. No, not really. They have this place in Corona. Corona Park is like this little mafia enclave. Yeah. And they jerry, they have like a little town square, like a little green.

And they all the mafia guys like took it over and they hung lights. They like tapped into the like. And they have like a botchy court. Oh, I love that. And this place, the Lemon King, which is like the best lemon ice in the city. Oh, nice.

Oh, it's worth the trip. Great Italian. food we gotta do like a we might be drunk on the road like travel there so go to do some boroughs yeah that could be kind of fun i would love it neighborhood to neighborhood neighborhood neighborhood bar maybe yes yes i'm down and these dive bars are going away out here like dropping like in the city was like diners so kind of like is it even a dive bar if a beer's nine bucks you know it's kind of like but uh yeah i mean the diners in the city are like kind of dine it's it's going away and then i always say now they have places that identify as a diner. You know, it's got the

stools and the counter, but it's $18 for a fucking orange juice. Yeah, I was, I've just re-read a book for the third time called The Power Broker. It is about... You read that three times? Yeah, it's like 1,200 pages. I read it three times. Yeah, I mean, the second and the third time

I jumped around, but the first time I just, you can't put it down, especially as a New Yorker. Like, it talks about how every parkway, Triborough Bridge Varazano Jones Beach this guy literally

he was like the Parks Commissioner but he was there for like 50 years and he had more power everybody said he had more power than the mayor the governor

Tammany Hall he was around during the Tammany Hall days but he held the purse strings for all the construction jobs because they were building all the bridges and everything and he did everything

he built everything in New York is he good or bad. I mean, he was both cropped, right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he was unbelievably effective and shit got done on time and it got done at cost. And, but he also was a raving racist. Oh, really? And so, like, he built something like 250 city pools and two of them were in black neighborhoods. And, and then when he built, uh, the Jones Beach, he made overpasses. that were so low that the city buses with the poor people couldn't get to the beach. Whoa.

Do you hear about that? It's dark. I have. It's really. And then when he built like the on-ramp for the Triboro Bridge or whatever, he like,

he split up parts of the Bronx that were poor and just leveled to him and apartments that had little, you know, immigrant towns in them that were poor

and left up all the good real estate. Damn. Yeah. The problem is when you grew up way after this happened, you're like, this guy's great. It's a bridge going right here. It's so convenient. Right, right.

But at the time, it sucked. Yeah. I heard that someone said that when he put the Bronco Expressway through, that broke up those neighborhoods, obviously. But it also affected the neighborhood in a bad way because there was not a police presence. The police presence before that was old ladies looking out their window. It was like a real neighborhood situation. And now you don't have that and you don't have no neighborhoods on either side

You just have this giant throughways Yeah like Tremont Street was where they crossed Bronx really destroyed the neighborhood But No but impressive what you can get I mean it's like everybody says about democracy Versus like a dictatorship Shit gets done during a dictatorship

When one person is It doesn't have to answer to people Right oh yeah And also New York God of America Tend to thrive under corrupt leaders unfortunately you know yeah as it was a lot of play like new Orleans yeah well the mob running shit obviously the mob is corrupt and killing people oh in Vegas that was like it's clockwork

baby yeah everything gets done right protection it's safe yeah they'll kill you but well New York's always had strong mayors yeah you know the ones that are good are not not lately no now now it's been a while yeah but yeah historically did you like Koch he was kind of before my time i was i was really young for that but i mean uh people seem to like him yeah you know how about you he was a character well my dad had a radio show in new york my whole he was on wd and kotch used to call in every single morning before work and they would go at it because kotch was like my dad was kind of a bleeding heart liberal and he was a new york times reader and kotch was like a post reader and uh they would just tear it up about the unions and whatever and uh

that's kind of cool that he would call on the radio yeah yeah yeah kind of ahead of its time he kind of taught my dad kind of taught him how to do radio he would call in because he knew he eventually wanted to do a radio show which he did later funny so he was kind of learning on the job do like the people's court he did yeah yeah yeah that's crazy fuck man that would be the greatest gig in show guy too yeah yeah is he gay yeah never out never out that's got to be that's got to be tough yeah oh is that way said there was a big plaque that said don't vote for the what was The queer?

Yeah, some of stay here, don't vote for the queer. Was that about Koch? Must be. Yeah. No, I didn't know that. I didn't know. You really see gays that on Kemp. Yeah.

Barney Frank, he was another one. Right. Yeah, it's weird when a gay dude's really out of shape. Yeah. Yeah, gay politicians have to get on that game. Because you know what, women will look past the dude looking like shit, but gay dudes are like, no, you better fucking keep it tight. Yeah. Homo, not for the homo.

Dudes are more shallow. Cuomo, not the homo. him oh yeah wow wow yeah um who did just he's got it together he's tight his his i'm not into him but like i think it's presentable yeah he's very presentable yeah military guy isn't it weird that we got a guy who did two tours of duty who has like an impeccable three if you count his husband thanks everybody that's a tour of danny and uh that's a tour of danny and uh that's to her booty I knew you'd do a better one than me

and he's not electable you know he checks every box for Democrats and he's not electable Why is he not electable? Because he's gay. I just don't think a gay guy could really. Oh, that's fine.

Not in America. Really? It's too homophobic a country. But he's so non, he's not like flamboyant or anything. I think he's a smart guy. I think once you see him with his husband on stage and people are like,

that's not like me. I think too much of the country's like, Nope. I didn't think about the husband. I think so. I think he should go to one of those conversion therapy programs and then come out. That could be big. Hick him up with a, get one of Tom Cruise's exes as a beard.

He gets divorced and loses his family and then still loses to a Republican in 2028. Right. Or he wins and then he comes out and just starts tonging his husband on stage. I'm back. Does a Kaiser Sose? With his penis. Yeah. Oh, he's got black kids

Yeah, you're right, I'm out That's good Yeah, we tried that with Mayors in New York There's a lot for people to get past here Yeah, yeah What's his face that black kids? The mayor in New York Yeah, de Blasio

De Blasio He's a black wife though too Oh, okay Was she black? Yeah No one cared about that, right? I think mayor is different than president, dude I don't know Koch was gay

I didn't know Buttigieg was gay This is fun You think it was his idea? This is fun for people who even know who Ed Koch is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've lost everybody. He was a guy who said, how am I doing? That was his whole thing, right?

Yeah, yeah. How am I doing? Yeah. Pull up a picture of the Bronx for me. Just like a map of it because I don't know the Bronx because I know a guy named Vinny who grew up in the Bronx. And he was like, it was fine. It was great. Everybody thinks the Bronx is this hellhole with stabbings and shootings.

And it is, but where the hell did you grow up? I grew up on the east side. Throg's Neck, which is like by Parkchester. Is that by Riverdale? No, Riverdale's the other side of the Bronx. Okay. Riverdale's like a bit more suburban though, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Still is. Yeah. My dad was from Riverdale. What the hell are you doing? Just look where the bridge goes across. The Throg's Neck Bridge. It's next to the White Stone.

Yeah, hit the head minus. There we go. Okay. Now go south. This is a good pod here. Yeah, that's City Island That little guy right there Yeah, I mean, I can't even tell

Can you go? This is not good audio for people Yeah, yeah, right, there you're listening to this on audio We're like, no, not there It's literally like me going down to a woman No, you're off You're off, not that Okay, sorry

I found City Island, that's the clit. By the way, that rack cockwalked me out of some pussy too this week. Fucked that, Ray. Oh, really? I can't bring a girl home when there's a rat in my apartment I had visions of just

like being in bed with her and the rat peeking out like fuck you well if it comes into bed it's a threesome he owns the apartment she's feeling you out of the bar do you have pets you're like

well you just have to pretend oh raoul yes good to see you good chap my good pet rat my good pet rat Raoul yeah

Dude, mice at least run away. They at least fucking, like, they feel bad. Rats just look at you. They're like, fuck you. Damn, rat, that's a skin. If that thing crawled on you, oh my God, look at that. It'll go right up your pant legs. Sorry, we keep going back to this, guys.

When I lived in Little Italy, I was in a... Whose feet! That's a size six Nike right there. You can see that's a jumper. Look at those hind legs. Yeah, it's Nosferatu. Nosferatu. That's a rat too.

Look at that limp wrist. He might have been gay. That's a gay rat. Yeah. But I had a tin roof. I lived in a tenement on Mulberry Street and had a tin roof. And there was so many mice, you would just hear the feet across right above your head every night. Mice, I don't like him, but like it's fine.

It's like I've seen mice my whole life. It's fine. And I've seen rats my whole life. But in your apartment rats, it's a different level. They're just so, they're filthy rats. That's what you call someone. When you ate them a fucking filthy rat, they're filthy animals. And they bite.

They bite. And when they're starving, they go crazy. That's what you have to be. You have to block all the holes. You drive them crazy. Now they have nowhere to go. But now you're like, fuck, it's me and the rat. It's mind games.

Jesus Christ. Survival. I think we should write Ratatooie, too, and just make it go dark with it. My old, I used to live on Bleaker, and, you know, it was one of those windows that looked just at another building. You couldn't see. But it had one power line, and I would see a rat walking on that thing, at least once a week. Yeah Mice never

You don't like it But you're like All right It is what it is Yeah Even a roach I hate roaches But you're like

You just step on it It's all right Barats You got a fucking How about these quefs To go Hey don't kill it Oh

You got to set it back Into nature You got to put it In a humane trap And then walk it to Central Park I'm like Get the hell out of here This thing's gonna die

I'll fling it off a fucking roof Oh yeah I would you like to get hit by that Just walking down the street on a date. No, I'll waterboard that thing. Fuck them. We got I play golf at this course. It's just this little nine hole course in Venice

Beach and we play on Fridays and there's a million squirrels and they don't, they have no fear and so if you leave your bag and you go to hit your shot, a squirrel will jump on your bag and everybody's got like a granola bar in their bag and they rip, they fucking

tear it apart in like three seconds they rip your bag and so everybody just starts whipping balls at the squirrels and then and I was like and then once in a while like a hawk will show up and you'll just see this hawk flying around and you just see the squirrel population over the next couple weeks just starts to diminish you're rooting for the hawk yeah yeah the chain of command dude yep I mean there's something about those animals like they're smart they're really smart that's what I was like they're fucking they know how to avoid traps they're clearly oh yeah

Because they put him everywhere. Yeah, right. And he's avoiding it. Five nights he was in there with me, at least, maybe more, probably more, because that's when I first saw him, so. Wasn't there a rat czar in New York a few years ago? They didn't do shit. But they are poisoning the ground now, apparently, all over.

They're like, they say the rat numbers are down, but all these exterminators I talk to, they're like, dude, the amount of five-star hotels in New York City that have rats. No shit. It's crazy, dude. I see them in movie theaters. I see them in bars. They're everywhere. It's a problem.

Well, the subway is just a giant rat, rat, right? We made a rat a celebrity. Pizza rat. That's right. We just have to roll with it at this point. We're like, ah, it was kind of fun. Remember pizza rat? That was like the Rizzler of his day. He was huge. Give me this guy. Jesus Christ.

Hey, he had this charm, this rat. Look at him go. That was the beginning of the New York hatred period. Totally. People were just like, I'm never going to New York. I mean, look, we put him into the architecture. It's in the culture. That's at Grand Central.

Oh, no shit. Yeah. What, Kazuman on that, Matt? What the fuck? So those are supposed to mimic what ships had when they would dock. That would be the rope tied, and they would put those things up so rats couldn't get on your ship. They put these cones around the ropes. Uh-huh.

That's smart. Yeah. But, yeah, great. We've got to just stare at stone rats all day. Yeah, you seem like you have a good life in L.A. You play your golf, you have your routine. How's Venice, though? Is it still riddled with hobos?

No, that was during the pandemic. it was like I bought my house 25 years ago so like when I first bought it there was a big gang war going around in my neighborhood or just next to my neighbors it was like always helicopters at night there was gunshots and sirens and then it just like got beautiful where I'd like all these celebrities move into my neighborhood you know like Julia Roberts and Tim Robbins and like all these guys and then um and then the pandemic they just told the cops hands off policy because they're so afraid they'd get sick that they said just let people camp wherever they want don't don't harass them and then they cleaned it up soon as a pandemic ended they cleaned it up so but

we got stuck with this reputation because there was all those videos of the campsites along the beach yeah with like for miles yeah so so that's almost all gone nice but no it's a good life like i hate the amount of hatred that california gets because like you know i've been out there 25 years And I do, I really love it. And then, like, I'm in Dayton, Ohio a couple weeks ago. And I'm like, yeah, I live in California. Somebody's like, boo. Like, boo, you're fucking Dayton, Ohio.

Yeah, right. You don't get to boo, California. Yeah. And you don't live there. You're there. Yeah. Dayton is methie as fuck. Is it?

That downtown is last I was there. I was like, look, they got, they had a great barbecue place on it. Dayton's got some great stuff in it, too, but it was pretty methie downtown. Yeah. Dayton's right. I'll be there in three weeks going to, really? Yeah, some theater. there i forgot the name of it but yeah it's there's a cute little like hipster area in

yeah i can't remember the name of it it's got a name was there's a barbecue spot called smoke is that still there in dayden that was like phenomenal 95% of the time i go airport hotel club oh really home you're not hitting the town i don't see shit no i guess it's gone um oh yeah you're you're out but it's just like you know what the fuck did we ever do you know it's like we give you all your TV, all your movies, fucking almonds. Oh, avocado. All the wine. All the rehabs.

Although a lot of movies are not shot in L.A. anymore. I know. Atlanta, Vancouver. Yeah. New Jersey. Yeah. Louisiana.

Because they're making it expensive to shoot out there, right? Yeah. They're finally making some tax breaks for the goddamn L.A. That's why nothing gets shot in New York either. But didn't they just build like a giant new studio in Queens? I think I did they? I know they did one in.

I think Netflix did one in Jersey. And I think, and De Niro did one? Oh. Yeah. But what about that fire money? I heard that was a, you know. We didn't get any? Yeah.

Yeah, we didn't get any. What's up with that? Well, what's up with that? Because, you know, they always have that quotient for each state of whether you're a give or take or a takers. Yeah. In terms of what you taxes to the government versus what you take in services. And California is by far the biggest. give it we give 89 billion dollars in surplus of the government and then when we're trying

to get one back to cover yeah they they're like state taxes in california is why so many people leave yeah right right right so we're in new york that's why so many people during covid went to like you know tennessee or florida yeah right it's because taxes here are crazy but yeah you know so everybody's going to florida now and austin jesus yeah but i mean how would you i mean look florida's fine but year round that's tough dude i don't know I guess you just have to do six months in one day. Right, right, right, which my friend does. My friend does exactly that.

What do they do? You do the, you have someone stay in your place if you want to cheat it a little bit, you put the lights on, do this electricity, or do they do credit card? How do they do it? Phone, how do they check you there? Yeah, I would guess plane tickets plus credit card. I mean, they can track you. They know where you are.

Like sometimes there's people that I want to kill. And I really think about how I would kill them. and I think, well, I would have to leave my phone somewhere and I would have to drive and use cash at the tolls. And then have, but know in advance what their movements are, where they go. True. And then kill them and they go home again. What kind of people we're talking here?

Who are you thinking about? Just fucking trolls. Oh, yeah, some mean commenters. Yeah. I hear you. Interesting. Yeah. I'd be kind of satisfying, too.

You know they'd fucking cower. Yeah. Oh, that's just it. Right. Right. Yeah. Maybe do it with a hockey stick. Yeah.

How would you kill somebody if you were to kill somebody? Good question. Damn. It's a good question. I think it depends on the person. Really? If it's personal, it's personal, right? Yeah.

It's choke out. That's personal. Yeah, that's personal. Look him in the eyes. Stabbing is pretty intimate. You've got to be right on them. But it's a mess. It's a mess.

It's a mess. Yeah. A lot of DNA. but choking is like you're seeing their eyes panic and then you ever see like a gazelle get caught by a lion and after they're caught they just kind of hanged they just like oh you got me that's true I want to see that look yeah and then feel their weight it's like when a tennis player lose a big match you're like oh fuck right they go limp yeah oh that's good but yeah I'm a shotgun blast where they go backwards after you hit them in the chest

I like that. See, that's not a fish in Manhattan. That makes too much noise. The neighbors would have a problem. Talk about the road. I mean, we're in the woods of a shotgun's great, I think. Dayton, that's a Dayton killing right there. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't mind poisoning. I kind of like some charm to the clinking glasses, and then you just watch. I remember reading the short story once. It was in the series, this anthology called Manhattan Noir. They're really cool. And they have a bunch of like an L.A. noir series but there's short stories and one of them this woman kills a guy it's her ex-husband who she still kind of loves but also hates and she knows he's allergic to uh peanuts yeah so she

kisses them goodbye one night with peanut oil on her lips and just says goodbye and you know he's dead yeah and i was like ooh that's kind of a fucking i love a good there was another one where a guy there's a guy killing homeless people and uh they don't know who's killing homeless people and the cops are like he keeps fucking killing homeless people there's always a cigarette next to him I mean, they kind of figure out that he's handing them poison cigarette. They're like, the only way we do it. So a cop goes undercover one night as a homeless guy. He's laying on the street, and this guy offers him a cigarette.

And he looks at it, and he sees that it's coming from a pack where one is up the other way. So we know this is a poison cigarette, and all the others are good. That's his breaking bad cigarette. Yeah. And he goes, why don't you fucking take the cigarette instead? And he goes, oh, no, I'm good. And he goes, take the fucking cigarette, smoke it. And he goes, oh, no, I'm cool.

Takes a gun out. He goes, smoke the fucking cigarette right now. Makes the guy, the guy goes, I'm sorry. I do this because, you know, I feel like I'm helping them. They're homeless. He's like a sick guy. And he goes, smoke the fucking cigarette, puts a gun to his chest. The guy smokes it.

He fucking dies. He disguises him as a homeless guy and leaves him there. So they think that this, the cops think this is another homeless guy that got murdered. Is this a twilight zone of us? No, it's a Manhattan noir. It's like a series. That's a cool fucking twist, right? Wow.

Yeah. Yeah, they're cool little, like, short stories that are, like, fucked up. Yeah, it's like if Twilight Zone were just, like, weird, kind of dark city, like... I got one for you. Pull this up. So I was just in Australia. Everybody's talking about this mushroom lady. So a woman made a beef Wellington with poisonous mushrooms in it, invited her whole family over.

She had a different color plate. She gave them all the Beef Wellington on one color plates. They all died. Wow. Really? She set the whole thing up. There it is. Three relatives with a meal.

Death cap mushrooms baked into a beef Wellington. She got found guilty. So she invited her husband. Her and her husband are divorced. She invited the husband over and his whole family. The husband said, this bitch never cooked a day in her life. I'm not going over there. Wow.

But his family went and they died. Awful. Dude, there's a great movie. It's an Argentinian movie called Wild Tales. Have you heard of this shit? You've seen it? Yeah. It's amazing.

That's a huge wreck. But it's a bunch of short, like kind of weird stories like this. And one of them is, I'm giving it away, but the rest are all great too. So watch it. One of them is a bunch of people on a plane. And they realize, oh, we have a friend in common. And then someone behind goes, oh, you know that person? They realize everyone on the plane knows each other while they're in the air.

And they're like, what the fuck? How do we all? This is weird. The guy flying the plane, he got them all on the same. and he is going to kill them. Wow. You mean he's going to crash the plane? He crashes the plane.

And he's going to die too then. Yeah. Oh, wow. It's a murder, suicide. See you in hell. Great fucking movie, though. It's like what the Jews did on 9-11. Ooh, man.

So wait a minute. Why did you leave the Bronx? I think I was about eight. Oh, that's pretty early. Yeah, and then I lived in Tari Town, New York. You moved to a nice, nice, cushy neighborhood. Well, you know, Tarrytown is actually a real right and wrong side of the Tracks Town because we have a GM plant downtown and there's a bunch of housing projects and minorities. It's a really nice place, though.

It's a great. Well, you've been to the music hall, I'm sure. Great. I shot my special there at my first special. That's a great place to shoot. Yeah. I remember opening for a tell there back in the day and I was like a really young comic. And as we were leaving, he brought me on stage.

He made me do the whole thing. I was like, fuck, you know, nervous as hell. And he murdered, and we're driving back, and he's just, I'm a fucking hack. I suck. I'm a fucking hack. And we're like, dude, we all think you're the best comic, like, ever. And he goes, well, I'm better than you guys. Kill me.

That's amazing. Oh, for Andy Pitts there. Remember that guy? Whoa, I love Andy. Yeah, good guy. That theater was built in like the 1880s or something. And when I was a kid, that was a kid, that was. was a fire and it kind of burned a lot of it and then they rebuilt it uh what year is it

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It's still on. It's still a day. How many comedy podcasts you still listen to? Never, right? I never have. Yeah, I was a big Fitzdog nut back in the day. And I know your whole childhood with the pond ice skating. Yep.

The mescaline. Yeah, it's old mescaline. The Puerto Rican vagina you would sling. Yeah, there's a lot of Puerto Rican vagina. Oh, man. You had such a great, I can pick up. picture your whole childhood in my head i had such a shitty upbringing that that i've in new orleans you had a shitty upbringing yeah it was all right well no i'm not i wasn't beaten with a with a

wrench or anything but it was uh hockey stick yeah it was just a weird place to grow up no it's kind of perfect because like you know it's only a half hour into the city and both my parents worked in the city and so like we were in here a lot but yet we still like had a lake to skate on in the winter and we could ride our bikes around and but it was just a really insane town like Like my kids were talking about how many of their kids, how many of their friends died in high school, you know? And it was like three. And they go to Santa Monica High School, which is like, you know, 4,000 kids.

Right, right. And I went to, you know, Sleepy Hollow High School was our school mascot. And so, and I was like, I started naming like 15 kids that died. Yeah. And like. How they all die? Drunk driving. Yep.

Getting shot. some of them some disease there's nothing worth getting shot at that age nothing's that serious at that age well this kid David Cargo was driving back from the city

and he was on the west side highway and they must have like accidentally cut somebody off and they pulled up and they fucking shot into the car and he was in the passenger seat and they had the music blaring like they didn't even realize he was dead for right away

Wow, just like that. He was a kid. Yeah, he was like... Was he your buddy? He was really good friends with my sister, the younger sister, yeah. And then, yeah, I mean, there's a bunch, but it was dark, but it was also like, you know, some of the funniest people I ever met. And we just had, we just went out. We just, like, went hard.

A lot of drugs and drinking and a lot. What was your drug of choice? Mescaline, I don't know why that was big in our town, which is like a form of acid, but it's very, colorful and you laugh a lot. I think I only know what Meskeland is from what's that Hunter S. Thompson book. No Fear and Loathing? Yeah, yeah. I think it's the only reason I've played it.

Was that on his menu? Yeah. Oh, that he took every day. So, yeah, what is it? What is Meskine? It's like a little tab and like I remember the first time I took it. There was his house around the corner from my house that was owned by, remember Tiny Tim? Yeah.

Tip to through the tulips. Yeah, sure. And so he was like a real freaky dude and he built like a, a castle in tarrytown really it was a fucking like a medieval looking castle and uh these this family moved in and they were i don't know if it was like uh they were like uh scottish or something but they had the weirdest fucking names like they were no that's not the castle um now i don't know if it would be listed it wasn't big it was just shaped like a castle yeah and they had these kids and their names were um hamish locklin and la la yikes and

And so, and they were kind of like wouldn't let us in their house and all we wanted to go and was to go in fucking Tiny Tim's house. Yeah, of course. So like, finally when we're like, I remember it was my 16th birthday because he finally let us into the house. And I hadn't taken Mesklin yet. I was waiting for my 16th birthday to take it. And so we show up at the house and he lets us in. And we're like, oh, we're going to fucking run around. And he takes us down to the basement, down the hallway into this little fucking room with the TV.

And we're just watching MTV. and I was sitting there as like 15 kids you know we got beers or whatever and I'm mescaline me and this girl how old is this guy Tiny Tim? Yeah Oh he's probably in his late 70s now No no one this is happening

Oh no he moved out Lockland and Hamish moved into his house I got you yes we wanted to go in it And so uh so the mescaline kicks in And now uh Lachlan and Lala are standing there And their dog walks in And I go what's your dog's name and he said, Fred.

And for some reason, that was the funniest fucking thing I'd ever heard in my life. And we started laughing and we couldn't stop laughing. And he got madder and matter and matter, and we all got thrown out of the house. We never got to see it.

Damn. Yeah. That is crazy looking. Yeah. Damn. Who lives there now? I think it's a condo now. What's up?

Was it his kids? No. No, they just bought it. Who are these lock, Lala They were the McAllister's They bought the house Weird

Yeah weird names Was that very Irish? I think that's Scottish Oh Scottish I think Lockland's a That was the guy from Succession was Lockland Oh yeah

Yeah He was Scottish The father Logan Roy Oh no Who was Lockland one of the kids No Roman Who was a

And Sonny No what was the older one Caleb Kate Kiler Kendall That's it I don't think there's a Lachlan. There's a Lachlan Patterson, the comedian, right?

Oh, yeah, he's a funny guy. Funny guy. Good looking funny guy. He's got that joke where he said, I'm in couple's therapy because my girlfriend needs therapy and she won't go alone. That's a great joke. Wow, that is great. He's a Venice Beach guy. Yeah, he looks like it.

He's got that other great one about our old people are going to be horrible because my grandfather's like, here's me on a B-52 bomber. And then our old people are going to be like, here's me. with brunch Lockland Murdoch is Rupert Murdoch's son There we go There was a fiction and reality There you go, close enough

So you worked for Ellen as well Yeah, I did the first two years on that show And she was She was rough, she was the C word, yeah She was not nice to you Well, you know, it's funny Because when it started, first of all, I wanted to write for because I really do think

she's like one of the great comics of all New Orleans girl. That's right. She never claims it, but yeah. Yeah, but she was a great comic. Her old stuff is unreal. Yeah, I had all her albums. So then the show comes out

and I get approached by the head writer and it turns out I'm good friends with the showrunner. And so I write a couple pages of jokes and I get hired. And then like the first, so we were there for like a month before the show launch,

figuring out the segments and all that stuff. And it was like, fun, goofing, pranks. We had a ping pong table, and it was all good energy. And then, you know, and then the show was good. And I knew things were going to go wrong because then they asked me, I was a producer-writer, and then they asked me to do the audience warm-up. Because I'd been doing it during rehearsals, and she looked at every warm-up guy in L.A. and was like, no, no, no, no.

And then she said, Greg, you're going to do it. Cool. Because she's a comic, and she was like, I want that energy to follow, right? And I was like, I don't want to be like the warm-up guy on a daytime talk show. And then they were like, well, it's like an extra $4,000 a week. And it's like 10 minutes a day. And I was like, yeah, I'll do that. Like, on top of my salary, like, I was getting that for 10 minutes of work.

So I was like, all right, I'll do that. So like the first day I go out, I don't know how to do warm up, you know? Because it's like they're not warming up this crowd. You're warming them down because they're like a bunch of clock. posited Midwestern housewives that love her and you got to be like

all right take it easy she's gonna be out here don't lose your shit don't charge the stage and then I go all right let's do

let's do the wave I said like when I say banana you guys just do the wave yeah someone in your whisper the N word they'll get them gone

they'll get them hot I'll get them down so I say banana and they do the wave and like we all laugh and I'm like I'm such you fucking hack. I should kill myself.

And so then she comes out to do the monologue, and what I had forgotten was that the word banana was in the monologue. And now she hasn't seen the warm-up. Oh, no. So she says banana, the crowd does the way. Oh, no.

And she stops, and she's a control freak. So this is like the worst thing that could ever happen. So she stops and she goes, all right, that's weird. And she backs up, and she does it. She goes, all right, pause let's do it again whatever that was don't do that

and she says banana again and they do the wave again and we stopped down she says don't do it they do it again and then finally I just go up on stage I explained to her what happened and she was fucking seething oh boy and uh and I thought all right I'm getting fired for that but

um I didn't but then it was just everything got weird and as soon we started winning Emmys like I won four Emmys on the show but like that made things bad that made her start to be mean right because she was back on top how how was she how was she mean to you like what given example of like a day like was it an energy thing was she just short with you I mean what was exactly it was like if you didn't pitch in

her wheelhouse then she looked at you like you had just fucking stabbed her puppy and then there was this process of pushing people out of the circle and you know you want to be in the because there's a lot of fear going on and you're in or out so there's a lot of like it didn't really bother me that much because I'd written on a lot of shows before and I kind of knew what it was like to have tough bosses yeah I wrote for Bill Maher sure and so like I was just like tough enough but then there was these first time writers who would they used to cry there was a lot of crying in the hallways wow yeah just feels like it's not a good energy for a workplace or show i feel like you're getting less out of people by treating them like that i think i think so yeah for

i think in the long run i think in the short run you might get more but in the long run people get exhausted you break them they can't and then you hit sweeps which is like you're working 12 14 hour days because it's like the ratings months and and then nobody can nobody can give anything and you just hit you hit walls are you scared to talk about it that she might hear this and come attack you i think she's out of the country but like online or anything i don't really care do you ever see her afterwards at all or no all i heard was my next job after ellen was uh i went to the man show and she she heard i was on the man show and apparently she couldn't stop laughing and then i hosted the porn awards and they were in Vegas doing a show and she saw my face up on a billboard for

the porn awards and she just thought it was so fucking funny because i like i don't think she really knew me right and that's me the man show and sure the porn awards is me how was the porn awards it was great great it was like seven thousand porn stars they call them which means like they took a shot to the face on film at some point and so uh i guess we're porn stars too oh Jesus Christ you got a little something star is loose yeah and so I go out and uh and the the producer said to me all right everyone's doing coke everyone's a narcissist he goes there's going to be 7,000 people it's on showtime he's like you're going to have 15 seconds to get them and if you don't get them they're going to start talking to each other and you will be completely shut out that's good that he told you that

like when they prep you like these are retard yeah throw shit at them yeah so i so i worked on a porn set for like i had like two months and i was just out doing i don't know why it meant more to me than like the Academy Awards but like I knew that like Kinnison had done it Bill Hicks did it like everybody had done Robert Schimel yeah Schimel did it Matt rife yeah did he yeah no shit and boy did he clean up you know what I mean oh and so uh so my opening joke was uh I go it's great to be I go you can tell the porn awards are going on I just saw Ron Jeremy at a gas station and I knew it was him because halfway through filling his tank he pulled it out and sprayed it all over the That's a great joke.

He fucking went crazy. That's killer. And then there was all these Christians that were protesting. And then he sprayed it on a woman who didn't want it. That's the follow-up to that five years later. Damn, that's a great opener, dude. Great. So it was good.

What was the Christian group? Do they go after you? No, I went after them. I started making jokes about, you know, there's no altar boys here. But it didn't matter what the jokes were. Just the fact that, like, that. was where they were at you know they because they consider themselves first amendment you know pioneers like that's how they kind of couched the award show what's

his name a playboy why am i you have he did a lot for civil rights right i mean there's a lot of gray in that guy's legacy i mean he did some bad stuff obviously but he's i mean he did a lot for civil rights and in women's rights right yeah roe v way that was you know him as well that's right you know yeah a lot of dick gregory when no one else would have him dick gregory Yeah. Oh, no shit. Yeah. And then, and so then my friends, of course, all can.

My friends who never come to my shows are like, oh, yeah, we're all coming. And so I rented a house for all my friends, and my agents actually came out. Wow. The one gig your agents want to show up for. And so they had centerpieces, which normally at an event, you'd have, like, flowers. You know, at the end of the night, everybody takes the flowers. But the centerpiece was dildos and manginas. Is that what they call it, manginas?

They did a WMBA game afterwards they had to go to. Yeah. And so my friends all took the fake vaginas and we went out to strip clubs and then we go back to the hotel. And then the next morning we meet in the lobby to go home and like you laugh, you know, you got the mangina. We're making fun. We're talking like it's a puppet and showing the strippers

and it's a big joke. And then the next day we're in the lobby of the hotel and I'm like, do you fuck it? They're all like, you're going to fuck it when you get it. You got to do it. So I fuck my mangina and then... It's like a fleshlight or a pocket pussy. Right, right.

I think that, yeah. You got the word man in there. It's freaking me out. Yeah. Yeah, I think I get the wrong name. I don't think I've ever heard it called a mangina. Yeah, it's a fleshlight. Ed Koch was a mangina.

You like me? He was slippery. And so I fuck mine and then I'm like, all right, what do I do now? Like, I can't, I'm not, I had one. bag is going to go through TSA. I don't want to throw in the trash can because that's fucked up for the maid. So I just took it and I put it in the pocket

of the bathrobe in the closet. That's great. How was that better than the garbage? Because some guy's going to pick that up in 10 years. But you've got to be a douchebag to put on a fucking bathrobe in a hotel room. Have you ever done that? I like it. You're like, I'm not going to ruin the

maid's life. But I'll ruin this guy's life who puts the robe on in a year. I don't know if I've have. I look at it like, oh, how about that? Then I know I steal. I'm sure I have. I'm sure I must have. Maybe like a, maybe like a Buffalo winter or something and I'm like, fuck I'm cold.

Well, what am I? A writer with a typewriter? I'm going to put my bathrobe on. It's just weird. Who am I, Dalton Trumbo? Yeah. Delton Trumbo. What a bull. Trumbo. The commie writer. Oh, yeah.

What is it to walk from the bathroom to your bed? Exactly. No, but maybe if it's like super cold in the room for some reason, you're shaving and stuff. I throw it on sometimes. I think maybe once or twice. But yeah, it is dushy. I'm not going to want it.

I've never put it on in my life. I'm Tony Soprano at home, though. I wake up. Bathrobe goes on. I keep it on for like a good hour. I like, I do like a robe. Yeah. The robe is slippery, though, because then you start leaving the house with it.

Yeah. It gets too, it's too risky. Right. I know it's like a gateway to, to like, slippers. You don't get a lot done in a robe. Yeah, exactly. That's true. This actually slipped us right into peeves.

Do you have any peaves you worked on? The rat was my peeve. That's a big one. That was a big one. Have I done this one before? This drives me fucking nuts. Speaking of hotels, the tuck in to the bed,

I can't move my fucking feet. What are you doing to me? You fucking Filipino lady. I'm just trying to go to bed. I get a cramp under there. I look like I'm in a straight jacket. Yes. I know that you're kicking.

Like there's no tomorrow. You're trying to break out of a coffin. I think of the sign phone episode. Whatever, one touch, one no tongue. Me too. And your toes have to point like you're a fucking diver? What am I trying to get a 10? And they put it so far under that what the hell are you pulling up?

I'm pulling up his peeves, but they're too small. Oh, when I yank it out of there, it pulls out the whole bedding. So now I got like a piss. Yeah, piss man under there. It's a mess. It's an awful tradition. That along with the pillows and hotels. Oh, yeah.

You found the shit. You get eight shitty pillows. Just give me one good one. One good pill. They're so flimsy. No, but the good hotels, the thing they're doing now is the back ones that against the headboard are firm and hard. And the front ones are like feathery and squishy. I don't like the squish.

No. Your head goes right through it. Yeah. So then you got to ball it up 38 times, but maybe the back pillow is good. You get older, you appreciate a firm mattress. I remember when I was a kid, oh, you're like, oh, my God, soft is so cool. So you could jump, you know? Yeah.

But you get older. the firm is where it's at. I bought a memory foam mattress. Oh, yeah. And then the other day, my wife hit on me, and I was like, I told her I wasn't in the mood. And then the memory foam said out loud, I remember him jerking off two hours ago. And I said, I need some forgetful. Well, speaking of that, we've got to bring up your huge hog.

We have to. I mean, if we're not, it's world known. I remember on a tough crowd episode. Do you know what I'm talking about? When Lori Kilmartin goes, you know, I heard he's packing heat because I've heard from a bunch of female comics. And what was your line? Oh, if they know that, guess what else they're doing?

Something like that, like, clearly you banged a lot of female comics was the joke. And it crushed. I was like, oh, man. Well, we were back to, like, Colin was obsessed. And so one time we were in the green room and, you know, all the comics were hanging out in the green room. And he goes, all right, let's see it. And I didn't even hesitate. I pulled my pants down

I whip it out That's how you know it's big You whip it I whip it out And every one There was a black woman And she went Oh and Colin goes

That's how you know it's big Even soft? I mean soft I'm nothing Yeah Hard I'm okay But soft is a joke I'm a grower

And as you get older The growing is not as good As it used to be You lose some hops Yeah Yes yes exactly It's like Vince Carter Trying to dunk

In his 40s Right. You're like, I'm not getting the elevation I once did. And the dick is so schizophrenic that some days I'm like, my soft is pretty good. Yeah. Somebody's horrible. But I think when you get really old, then I think it gets huge when it's soft because it's just, like I used to go to the Friars Club and they had the best steam room in the city. I remember that.

It was killer. Yeah, it was a killer in the steam room. But all the old guys, like, they did not wear a stitch of clothes. And they walked from shower to a hot tub. They had a shower. You would go into the steam room. And it would literally be like, fucking like Alan King would be sitting there.

And, you know, Freddie Roman and all these guys. And then you go into the shower, which were like giant marble-sided shower with the big, like the manhole cover shower head. And it came out so fucking hard. It was like being in a civil rights riot. You were just like getting bladded as German shepherds.

And so, and then you come out, I'm not making this up. There was a Polish guy that worked there. And you came out naked, and he would have a warm towel, and he would towel you down. He would dry you. This was after I was there for sure. I had a six-month free membership there because I did one of their shitty side roast back in the day. I don't remember that guy, but I remember being like, this is pretty cool.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. I think it's closed, right? It closed. It's so sad. End of an era. My dad was a big man.

He was on the board. He was the scribe, which was the guy that wrote the monthly message in the newsletter. Yeah. But he was like the token Irish guy Because the friars kid was all Jews It was like, you know Lawyers and Agents And then a lot of guys from the garment district

And jewelers It was very Jewish Did your dad have a big penis? Did my dad? Yeah, I never saw my dad's penis No, I never saw it He never saw his dad But I saw his dick once

It was weird I don't know how that worked out It was just through a hole Yeah But see the big hog on you It gives you hope Because you're not a huge guy So it really does it.

And you're Irish. I mean, if we were profiling here, the Irish curse. And Irish guy with a big dick, it's like a black guy with a little dick. I know my brother does. I never saw it, but like I talk to women

who slept with my brother and he says he is a very large penis also. That's nice. I got a son and I'm dying to ask him. But it's weird. The diaper, though. I guess it got bigger later. Can't tell one.

What baby are you like, man, that's a huge cock? Pull up some baby dicks. Oh, yeah. I got a compare and contrast. The feds kick a door And we're like, fuck We're in a watch list

That's the problem with baby dicks You don't know how to compare it Yeah But yeah Should we do some peeves? Yeah, I got some peas Are these are yours? These are your peeps

Oh, this is one I hate When you go to a store Like a chain corporate bullshit store And they'd try to hit you up for like A dollar Do you want to add a dollar To your thing? Oh yeah, for some charity

Yeah, so he's a charity but like they get the win because then they go to like the telethon with the big cardboard check and they donate 20 million dollars but it's like no there's a 20 million of our dollars good point that you didn't do anything for it's the public shaming they're doing it to get you they're putting you on the spot right it's not a it's not a subtle request right like the person they're asking could be very philanthropic but they're asking you they're doing would you like to donate so people behind you're like now it's up there with the the flip the screen around for the tip they're watching you.

You have to tip in front of the But at least I'll tip the I'll tip the barista if they make it You know but like But yeah You brought me You handed me a matcha You order matcha?

No I don't get a matcher But I just wanted to sound cool Mix it up for the punch Yeah exactly You mix it up But yeah I don't know The flipping the Like I was in Australia

They don't tip It's glorious I'm walking around Doing cartwheels Without tipping But then if you do tip They're like Who the fuck is this guy?

I know And then the rest of the restaurant Hate you Because they're like What are you doing asshole You're fucking up the curve But that's a good one

I hate the donate But also it's like At Walgreens one time They said Do you want to donate a dollar For childhood diabetes I'm like yeah I'll do that If you take down

The rows of candy At eye level for children Oh that's good That's good That's good They cause it And then they gouge you On the drugs that cure it

Genius It's like the food You know Our food is filled dies and all this shit and then they get us on the pharmacy later yes yeah i don't want like walgreens like they put all the like i like new york there's all those little like apothecaries those little drug stores they're the best there's the one up at um what's what's the uh really cool building up on the upper west side that uh it's like it's got a courtyard in the middle

of it uh well schumer used to live the apthor yep oh that's a great building i lived there for three months because she filmed the movies I was moving she said you want to stay here I was like yes hell yeah that's my favorite building it's cool it looks like the building on only murders in the building right but it's not it's another one yeah that one's on central park west yeah that's a nice one yeah pull up the bigelow there's that one on seventh avenue

that bigelow one I think yeah it's old as shit and it's still there and it's got the ladder on the wall you know that like uh slides to the shelves yeah I know we were talking about I think it's Bigelow I think that's it That's it Oh, that place is great Uh-oh Is that the one on 6th Avenue?

Yeah Oh, 6 Avenue, yeah Yeah Yorkers are gonna fucking love This podcast today Yeah, that's right Well, dude, it's like I always think of that

There was that Mad Men plot Remember, we were we took it up With the woman with the pharmacy Oh yeah The hot Jewish lady Yeah, she was hot All right, sorry Let's see some more of these peeves

Sorry, I just got distracted With the Bigelow That was my fault There we go Oh yeah, here's the other other one I hate is like judging people for being nice like that's the first thing like when someone describes a comic as like oh yeah he's a nice guy I go who gives a fuck like I literally like if David would have been a good segue for Ellen right here right because she is funny like

and and she has raised a lot of money for people you know over the years she's done a lot of you know but like you think of David Tell like David Tell if you know him is like one of the nicest if you work at a comedy club you would never describe him as nice well if you describe him as funny but if you had a choice between dave being funny or nice i don't give like like again like in boston like all the comics were they were kind of assholes when you were coming up yeah your generation was tough they were way tougher than ours i mean you talk about patrice i mean i can't imagine we're working for patrice was like right right was it was it was it was a hey it was tough you know or walking into the comedy cellar when he was sitting at that table in the corner oh god

And he'd literally, like, you'd see his eyes scan you, like, from top to bottom, and then he'd just start taking you apart. Yeah. And you're like a new comic, you know? Ooh, scary. But, you know, but, like, you know, going back, like, Richard Bellzer and guys like that, if you talk to them, they were like, why are you talking to me, you know? Right.

And I didn't give a shit because I would watch him. He was fucking unbelievable. It was, like, the greatest host. Did he warm up to you later in life or no? I didn't know him later in life. But he was a dick. But those guys do, you know, but you got to kind of earn it. Yeah.

But I'm okay with that. Like, I mean, we've talked about people before, and I don't want to name names, but, like, they're legends, and they were kind of dicks to us in the early stages. They're kind of, you know, flippant. Yeah. But we were like, okay, we're, like, we were cool with it. We were like, this is part of the ride. Yeah, right. It felt like a baseball team, and you had to earn, you were the new guy on the team, and you had to, like, show them.

Hey, I could hit or do something because they were, I remember I got to the cellar and Godfrey looked me, goes, you're in? Man, no anybody in the kid. I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah. And he did it in the Cosby voice. But it's also like, I think about how insecure we are as human beings that, like, say I liked you, I like your stand-up, your cool guy, we have similar friends, and then I find out you don't like me, then I'll be like, like, the guy's a fucking asshole. Like, he's the same guy. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, but that's all, look, we all have our vanity. We all have our insecurities, you know. You want people you like to like you. It's that simple. It's protective instinct. Yeah. Right. Yeah, same with audiences.

You go, that audience sucked, and then they see you later and like, you were great. Yeah. And you're like, eh, maybe they weren't so bad. Right, right. Or you're watching a comic you don't like murder

and you're like, ugh, this fucking crowd. And then you do well and you're like, they're fine. Yeah, exactly. Sometimes I can't do well if I go on after a comic, I really dislike. Then they like them.

Sometimes I, I don't know if I'm punishing them or I just don't feel like they deserve. I know what you mean. You like, you like that shit? Yeah. I know what you mean. Yeah, you like that shit? Check out this dick.

Soft. I really appreciate you guys bringing up the dick. You got it. I mean, forget my special. We need to make up for the N-word talk. Yeah, right, right. Between the N-Wr-Tog and Ellen, this is definitely going to help my career out a lot today. Jesus.

Well, the dick's on your lapel right there. But, yeah. Holy shit. It's lore. It's the first thing I think of when I see it. Jesus, that's my picture on my website? I know, you look like a Batman villain. What the hell is that?

The 60s. Awful. I got to update that shit. I got to go on your guy's website. What's it called? Punchup. I'm going to get on Punchup. Punchup.

Live is what you want to go. Yeah. You got the comedy store coming up in La Jolla. You got Comedy Works, Denver, September 18th through 20th, the 26th and 27th. Comics Mohegan Sun Then October 13th through 19th Brad Gareth's MGM in Vegas Nice

Oh the Den in Chicago November 8th Did you shoot a special there? I loved it Yeah I took a special there I loved it Skank Fest November 14th through 16th You're at the punchline In SF one of the classic rooms

December 11 through 13th And hilarities January 8th through 10th Oh these are like my favorite rooms You're doing all the mothership and January Go to Greg Fitzsimmons Is it Gregfittsimmons.com Yeah or just fitsdog.com get some tickets and the podcast is fitzdog radio great pod i've done it i've done it a few times i love

it i remember i uh i asked mark to do it one time and then i got to new york you know we're going to do in new york and i just had my equipment with me and then uh i took the train up to my sisters in westchester and i left my bag with my equipment on the train and so i called them up the next day we're supposed to tape it down at the comedy seller and i was like hey man i'm really sorry but I uh I lost my equipment and he you believe that I was like flaking on you I thought it was a ruse I thought you just didn't want to record I was like this fucker made up a whole thing but he lost his equipment dog ate my homework bullshit meanwhile I asked him in the first place well that's where my brain goes on I would probably go to the same place that's when he was

still working his way up yeah what do we got oh yeah I'm at Irvine, has this come out that night? So yeah, fuck that. I went Oklahoma City this weekend, a Bricktown, August 28th through 30th. That's a fun club. I'm in Vegas,

the Venetian, September 19th, the comedy club in Rochester, the 25th through 27th. That's a fun club comedy to Carlson. Chicago Theater, October 4th, can't wait, Winnipeg, then I'm all over.

We got a little Saudi Arabia action. I'm missing you by a day, Mark. Who's going there? What an idiot. Barcelona, Milan, Dublin, pool, London, Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin. Then I come back to Salt Lake City and in November and then Reno, November 29th.

And we cab it all off December 4th. Carnegie Hall, baby. Let's fucking do it. That's amazing. I had this great idea for like a jazz trio opening that. My agent goes, that's a $20,000 union fee. And I was like, fuck, hey, I just wanted some fucking fairy dust from my big day here. Do you want to show some slides or something like that?

I did a benefit at Town Hall one time We wanted to just show like a short video Because it was a benefit And yeah it was like 20 grand We're like fuck that Fucking brutal Yeah well it's punchup dot live Slash Samorel

Or punchup dot live slash Mark Norman Mark We got a looks like we got Dallas A million shows in Dallas Yeah we got nine shows in Dallas It just kept adding But I'm doing a special in September So I want to run that fucking hour Akron Dayton

Hey We'll see you there Fuck California Halifax Ottawa, Huntsville, Hattiesburg, San Jose, Boulder, and I'll be in Saudi Arabia as well. And Athens, who knew, Oslo, Helsinki, Stockholm, Dublin, 2, Valley Center, I assume that's a casino, Timonium, Baltimore, out there at the Magoobies.

Gonna really get my ass kicked. Lincoln Theater, Rochester, D.C., San Diego, Niagara Falls. So yeah, come on out. Where are you shooting the special? Boulder. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, we sold a couple of them, so we're like, fuck it, let's just do it there. And if we don't get it, we'll shoot it in D.C.

I'm pumped for you, dude. It's going to be great. Wow. Thanks. It's a fun hour. It's ready to be put down. Yeah. You guys have the same agent?

No, but he texts me quite a bit. So just randomly, you're both going to Saudi Arabia? A lot of comics are going. Really? It's a big festival. It's, uh... No women. Yes, Kirsten's going.

Oh, she is? Yeah. Oh, all right. Great. They got one. She can't do any facial jokes because she'll have that wrap around her head one of the rules is you can't I can't kiss my wife in public yeah yeah yeah I'm gonna bring her wow oh yeah just to show her how can I kiss your wife in

public I want to be like you see you think I'm an asshole well don't cut your clit off bitch we'll see you now everybody thanks a lot go check a Greg special Fitz dog comedy Sex offender, a bit of fever wreck, you know the beer juice close. I've had a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking poke, and I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like a cop's coming,

and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans, this woman doesn't look like I remember her, And I get down in the same way. We might be true.