We Might Be Drunk - Ep 247: Mark Normand & Sam Morril Might Be Drunk

Episode Date: September 1, 2025

No guest this week, just Mark and Sam back together again. Jet lag, black Manhattans, paddleboard disasters, Aussie rules on booze, Beach Boys vs. Beatles, Burt Kreischer crying, comedy vs. rock ‘n��� roll, and why nature is boring compared to getting hammered in the Village. Sponsored by: 💊 Start your free online Hims visit today: https://www.hims.com/DRUNK 🧘 Get 30% off your first Cornbread Hemp order (code DRUNKS) https://www.cornbreadhemp.com/DRUNKS 💨 Support the show & get 20% off your first Lucy order (code DRUNK) https://www.lucy.co/DRUNK 🎧 Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD 🛒 Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ 🎬 Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets ⸻ 🎙️ Check out That Sounds Right — the comedy panel show hosted by the producer of WMBD: https://www.youtube.com/@thatsoundsrightshow Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #Hims #CornbreadHemp #Lucy #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey

We're rolling. It's just the boys today. Yeah, we needed a solo. We don't see each other enough. That's true. And then we start catching up, and then you say something. I'm like, that'd be a good pod story. And we kind of slow down. Oh, yeah.

Well, first of all, we got Herman on the ones and twos over here. This is our bodega distributor. He's our guy. Is that what you call it? No. Oh, sorry. What's your title? I didn't want to say that

This is our slave What's the word there All right, a representative That's good How can people contact you If they want bodega cat Or fine rye whiskey in their bar Or liquor store

Oh, they can reach out to Bodeca Cat Whiskey at The StreamlineLab.com Or just Bodecacat at bodega Catwiskey.com Probably easier that way Or DM you on Instagram Or DM us on Instagram

At bodega Cat Whiskey Send him a dick pick Oh my God San Francisco Chronicle Black Cock Let's get him in there And what are we drinking today We're going a little Black Manhattan

Yeah we're drinking a little Black Manhattan Thicker than a white one right Black Manhattan I was why I call it the Harlem Okay You made us a drink That was a little sweet It was a little sweet for my liking

I like a Black Manhattan I think originally that was the most fucked up I got on this podcast It was when we It was back in the day On a Halloween app We did Black Manhattan's, and I was pretty lit up. What's the difference between the regular and the black?

Can I guess? Knowing his father? All right, all right. It's just a Morrow and whiskey, right? Yeah, substituting Morrow for like sweet vermouth instead. Yeah. So it's got the, it's a little soft in the stomach. Oh, great, like a little liqueur, a little licorish.

I like to make a correction. I think the drunkest I've ever seen you was the Richard Jefferson episode. Really? You guys drank a whole bottle. No, that was him, though. I wasn't that fucked up. You weren't fucked up? I was fucked up on the Bachelor Party episode.

Oh, yes, yes. And the Burke Kreischer one was up there, too. The first one with the Kool-Aids. Oh, God. Holy shit. I think you yacked or somebody yacked. Burk cried. It was crazy.

He did cry. Yeah. I've never seen someone cry and then just go right back into laughing like three minutes later. Like, if I'm in a relation to when she starts crying, she ain't smiling for a while. No. But Bert will be like, ooh-hoo-hoo-huh. Anyway, here's the time I worked with Will Smith. I'm like, what the fuck?

What's happening? Well, his crying, his laugh aren't that different. It's like, E-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. So, yeah. But, yeah, it's good to be back. I'm jet-lagged as hell. I'm wonky.

I'm up-down. I'm black-and-white. We had some weird drunken text where it's like you get older. Like, I fucking miss you. I know. I missed you, too. And I was on the other side of the world. It was probably 10 in the morning over there.

It's 10 at night there. I was still drunk. Okay. Yeah, so was I. Did your kid recognize you when you got home after two weeks? Yes, I was nervous because my wife left for like five days. to go to a thing. Yeah, bring it on in.

Ooh, and you garnished it. It's great. Jesus, Herman, you fucking brand rep. Look at that. Here, let's toast this up. Hey, to being together again? Yes. Reunited and it feels so gay.

That's nice. Wow, that's a damn good. A black Manhattan. This is better than a regular, I think. Ooh, that's not get carried away. Regular is a classic. I know, but I'm digging this or the way he made it. It is very good.

Ooh, that's good. So your baby sees, you come home. It's been, how long? Two weeks? 15 days. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's a long 15. 24-hour flight had to connect in Hong Kong on Cathay Air.

Brutal. No Wi-Fi. No Wi-Fi. I watched five movies. What movies? I watched the last Boy Scout. Oh, that's a fun one? It was so fun.

Damon Wayans and Bruce Willis? I mean, it's got some cheese on it. Oh, it's cheesy as fuck. But, man, is it fun? The scene where. he knows his wife is cheating on him and he's about to shoot through the fucking The closet, yeah

I fucking love Bruce Willis He's so, it's very noir It's a million lines It's one line after Oh I didn't know that I didn't know that The lines are great

Fuck if we ever bring back Patreon It should just be us Watching awesome scenes Yes Because that's That's what we want to do All the time on here We can't because of

You know copyright shit Right What else you watch Some some rough language in there too By the way Oh, yeah. A lot of homophobia in the early 90s action. Tons of homophobia.

They're like, we don't have a punchline. Just call them a homo. They didn't say homo. Yeah, oh no. But yeah, great movie. Then I watched The Elephant Man. I'd never seen it. I'd never seen it either.

And I was embarrassed by it and I said, I'm putting it on. And holy shit. Good? It is good. It's eerie. It's weird. It's dark. David Lynch.

Yeah. There he is. That's me after a few drinks. Looks like my ex. But, yeah, that looks like a Rihanna after Chris Brown got to her. A couple of wallops there. But, yeah, then I watched the Beach Boys documentary, which is incredible. God, I love the Beach Boys so much.

Oh, so good. You know what's funny? I was talking to a friend recently who lives in California, and she was like, she's like, I never liked them because I feel like they were, like, singing about a thing that didn't exist here. But to me, as like a city kid, I was like, this is the best fucking music. I know. Head sounds is like the best album. Best album.

That's like a top 10 album ever. And it's cool. The guy's a legitimate genius. Like just staying in the studio, wacky sounds going through his head. Dad beat the shit out of them. The coolest part of the whole doc, though, is how they were feuding with the Beatles. The Beatles would put an album out that all listen and go, oh, my God, this is incredible. We got to beat them.

Then they would put out an album. The beaters were like, what the fuck is this? Nobody knows. You know, incredible. So they were all trying to top each other. They say that's probably why some of their music was so good. I heard an interview with Brian Wilson where he was like, I don't like Johnny Cash. And I think it was Charlie Rose, like, you don't like Johnny Cash?

He's like, yeah, the voice is like not real to me. He's like putting it on. But it was like, look, I mean, I love Johnny Cash. But it's kind of cool to hear a guy who's just like he can't help. But he almost got that autistic level of honesty. Yes, yes. It's not for me. He definitely had mental health shit before anyone thought about that.

And he was a mess. He also did a ton of acid and fucked his brain up. Yeah, but they have some fucking. insane songs man I love the beach boys great harmonies incredible yeah just cool sound he brought dogs into the studio to bark and use that I mean the guy was nuts I also love that stretch in boogie nights where they play god only knows oh yeah fucking when you when you nail the right song to the right montage you're like oh my god this is fucking that's true that is so true uh that song bombed too it's crazy it's one of the best songs ever he put

his heart and soul to that album it bom you open with I may not always love you? Yeah. What a fucking first line. I know. Heavy. Heavy. And all the beach boy,

he didn't even surf. He's like, I hated the beach. It was all branding. It's crazy. Crazy. What's that, Salky's?

This is my favorite Rolling Stone cover of all time. Of all time. Wow. Brother Brian. Yeah. Look how his toe comes off. Oh,

how about that. All right. So that's three movies. What else we got? Hold on. I'm blanking now. We got elephant. man last boy scout

Beach Boy Doc Oh alien the original alien That's fun as hell Never really I saw it as a kid but never really I was too scared What a cast too Great movie

The great Harry Dean Stanton makes a little pop-up Oh yeah You know Yoffet Koto Yes Ridley was written originally for a man And Sigourney was so good Ripley isn't it

Oh what did I say? Ridley? Ridley Scott did he know He directed it Oh yeah Ripley Ripley was originally written for a man. He liked her so much. He was like, you're the man.

Whoa. And that's why she's known by her last name only. She doesn't have a first name. Oh. Damn. Well, it's also one of these movies where it's obviously a female lead, but you don't care. It's not like shoved on you. It's just a good movie. It was written for a man. That's why. And she's a badass. And she's a badass. Is she though?

Kind of? Yeah. I just dealt with a rat. I was not as composed when she dealt with a fucking alien. Who else is the great cast I'm missing some people By the way speaking to Ripley It was on TV the other day I just watched talent that Mr. Ripley start to finish It's just an incredible

Masterpiece And Philip Seymour Hoffman's cameo Yeah I don't know if you call it a cameo It's a smallish role But he's such a funny rich asshole He just nails that type of douchebag Yeah yeah that movie's great

And they're so mean to him I mean he's still fucked up He's murdering people But you're like I mean they are pieces of shit Yeah yeah yeah Yeah, and they were all so good-looking, like young Matt Damon is ripped and Jude Law, hubba, hubba, hubba. Yeah, I feel like that's the best he ever was, too.

I feel like he's really good in that. He was great. He's great and closer, too, or closer. Closer's awesome. That's an cool movie. Boy, that is a handsome man. Look at that guy. Damon, dude, I looked it up because I was watching my friend.

He was like, Damon must have won the Oscar for this, right? I looked up. Wasn't even nominated, dude. It was a bunch of, like, heavyweight. So he was going up against, like, Denzel and, like, Kevin, space all these people who were like in their fucking bag at the moment yeah but uh well yeah that flight was uh we were missing one what's the first i can't remember the other movie i was in and out i took a lot of pills because i was trying to sleep through the whole fucking flight

sometimes it's nice to not have Wi-Fi though because you're like i have to pay attention to these movies that's true and i loved it i was like i loved every movie i was love an alien I loved elephant man is amazing and you're emo I'm gonna watch it you're also more emotional on a flight when you're watching a movie like I'll fucking I'll fucking cry and I'm like you hit me Yeah, like, oh, fuck, I'll be that guy. Totally. Probably drunk. I mean, it's like, it's everything.

You have a few drinks and you watch a classic movie. Like, doing Kramer versus Kramer in a flight and see what the fuck happens to you. Forget about it. Well, it was one of the, you ever have this on a flight where you go over a certain country and you get, you get a bunch of texts, your texts pop up? You're like, wait, wait, what? And you have one little bar, and I got your texts. And I was like, oh, you know, life outside of this plane. And then you were like, boy, you're really.

gay and emotional right now. And I was like, oh, maybe I am, but I was all drugged up. Well, that's what happens when we travel like this. Like, I'll get texts from you that are like, oh, this doesn't sound like Mark. But that's cool. It's kind of cool that, like, I think this much travel and lack of sleep. And, like, it kind of opens, like, some level of vulnerability that maybe not all friendships have. Yeah, and some booze.

But you're like, I feel the same way. I'm traveling sometimes. I'm just like, fuck, it hits us how fortunate we are that we're just doing what we love. And we're just having a good time. You always say, you're always, this life, man. You always write that. And I completely agree. You've got to be grateful.

We did it. Yeah, because I'm usually bombed when I write that, but I stand by it. You know, you're just like, you're having a good night. I was just like, it was bombed at the cellar and just, like, having fun. Oh, yeah. It's a good time, man. Mark has a great analogy where he says, it came to New York with nothing. I played the game on hard, and I won.

Oh, yeah. It's like the video game on hard. Yeah. It's fucking incredible. But, yeah, Australia, I got a lot of thoughts. This place is a fascinating. place. First of all, you don't tip there, but the service is

better. Isn't that interesting? It's like a psychology thing. Like a girl who treats you like shit and you're like, please date me. Right. Yeah, yeah. Well, I think because the tip is mandatory so there's like an entitlement. Like, who cares if I'm a piece of shit waiter?

I'm going to get tipped. Over there, they're like, this is my job. So they do their job right. Here, I'm like, I'm scared to act. Like, if they fuck up my food at a restaurant, I'm like, I'll just eat it. I don't want to fuck with waiters. You go to a lot of places here and, like, you know, it is, it's not mandatory.

It's you give what the performance was, right? So you're like, I never give a bad tip. But if it's like, but if it's really good, I'll be like, oh, here's fucking extra. Yeah, yeah. I think some people bring it, you know? Some people bring it, but I feel like over there, the customer service is just nicer. There's no crime. There's no garbage.

Well, they outlawed the guns over there. They outlawed the guns after one shooting. Kids. Oh, really? Yeah. I think it was kids, wasn't it? Pussies. I mean, we have kids die every day in a school shooting, these quitters.

But, yeah, it's great. Port Arthur, yeah, that was it. I put that in the act, of course. We get in applause break every time. They're sick fucks. Now, here's the other crazy thing about Australia. That was us. That was us, yeah.

That's our thing. Jeez. Don't appropriate. But they, it's a kind of, it's a, kind of a nanny state. Like, they have cameras everywhere. And if you don't wear your seatbelt in the car, they just send you a ticket. If they see you on your phone in your car, they send you a ticket.

Very passive-aggressive. They're very rule following there. Like, I couldn't get drunk in Australia because you go to a bar, and they do that horse shit where they measure it before they make a cocktail. I'm like, come on, just pour it, baby. Live you live your life. They're like, we can't. I'll get fired.

And I yell out. I was so annoyed at a bar after, like, the third night. I was like, you're supposed to be criminals. You were all criminals that were sent here. By the way, this is a sign you have a drinking problem where you're like, you're measuring the alcohol? Shame on you. Shame on you.

But I've done the same thing. Yeah, in America. You're like an apple bees and you're like, where's the heart? Yes, it's like we're in a condom. Come on. Put in my ass, raw, dry anal. Give it to me dry. But they measure everything.

It's all a bunch of rule following sticklers over there. But I was like, you're supposed to be the, you're born from criminals. You were pushed on. What do you call that when you're exonel? out to this island forgot which battle it was but I think it was MacArthur took

in World War II they had to hide in Australia for a while remember look it up they had to fucking hide he escaped maybe it wasn't World War II maybe look when it was

when MacArthur had to pull him out they hid in Australia there you go did escape to Australia from the Philippines yeah by the way very close I was World War II

yeah in March 1942 facing imminent capture by the Japanese he was ordered by President Roosevelt to leave the Philippines and relocate to Australia He famously declared I came through and I shall return

upon arriving in Australia There you go Yeah, we'll go And it's also crazy The whole country is on the coast The middle is just arid, death, desert shit And it's all coastline What was your favorite part of Australia?

I got to say Melbourne is the most cool, culturey, fun, cafes It's almost kind of European Sydney is like L.A. where it's like bow-tie Blonde, rich people. Right. But Brisbane is the Florida, they say. And Brisbane might have been the most fun.

Brisbane. They call Bris Vegas, don't they? Yeah, Brisbane, too, they call it. Well, yeah, that was probably my least favorite show I did there. But I had fun there. I think Melbourne's my favorite. Yeah, Melbourne might be the best city. Melbourne's just so fucking cool.

Sydney might be the prettiest with that opera house, the bridge, the harbor. On the water? Yeah, but... It's next level. But yeah, Melbourne was the cool. You go down these alleys. and there's a little coffee shop or a chocolate place or a croissant thing.

It was so cool. I think it just reminds me a little bit of New York, too. Definitely. It's got like a New York flavor. You walk everywhere. Australia is great. It's just such a fucking pain to get to. Yeah.

And then we had great shows. We did the last one in Perth. Perth. Never been. Oh, yeah. Perth is a whole other world. They say you take one right turn and you're on Mars. That's what Perth is like...

Did you hit any New Zealand action? I did. I went to Auckland. Never been there either. I started in Auckland. Auckland's wild. Did you get a straight shot to Auckland? Straight shot.

I think that's the one straight shot there. I think it is, yeah, 18 hours, not bad. And it was a good time there? It was great. This guy Keegan opened for me out there. He's like the local funny guy, and he brought me some drugs. And he crushed it up top. And, well, for sleeping, for sleeping.

And it's hard to get shit out there. You know, you've got to do it like a pirate. because look at that. It's in the middle of nowhere. I always say it's the aggressive Hawaii. It's like they're Hawaii, but they're like fucking scary. Hawaii, they hand you a lay. They go luau. This place, they're doing the Haka. They got face tattoos.

It's the whole different world. But they're nice people, and I made fun of their whole thing, and they love it. Which one is the Maori? Yeah, the Maoris. Which one is that Australia or is that New Zealand? That's New Zealand. That's the Haka. They do it in the soccer game. Because you were there. I'm getting messages now. Like, when are you coming? I'm like, fuck, I got to figure that out.

because I did it wasn't that long ago but I yeah you were quick you were in and out everybody kept saying that we had Sam here he disappeared like Batman yeah I was fucking in and out man I yeah he's agents are they just fucking boom bam bam bam also I was I was on the road so hard the year I went that I was just like I can't do a long it's a lot I think I did it all in like a week or something which is wow which is not how you're supposed to do Australia that's but I still I got like an extra day in each city I think but yeah you want you want a little well you go that far you want a little extra time yeah yeah brought the lady out we really we made a meal out of it yeah oh this is

singapore right here it's so close no wonder uh rani has like a beef with like australians in singapore they're like neighbors oh yeah jacarta is the closest city to australia isn't that crazy ours is like fucking montreal or mexico city there's is jacarta wow so you uh you come home you see the baby yes the baby gave me this one because it's a little scary because he doesn't know how to deal with his emotions he's only six months old so he'll sometimes spaz out but I show up and he goes It was one of those

Like who the fuck are you? And then oh yeah And then I talked and he was like Ah boy do we hug We dance We zerbert I flipped him around I did one of these you know

You shot him to a basketball hoop Exactly I hunted him Oh yeah We had a great time So I just couldn't let go of that baby So I bathed it I put it down

We had a good day. I did the same thing with my rat. I said, oh, it's been a few hours. Come here, buddy. There he is. Piece of shit. Fuck you, dude. We're going to name him.

Raul. Oh, Raul. There you go. So we, I went away for a few days. I just, you know, I never get out of the city. And it's like, sometimes in the city gets a little hot. My buddy Chase and I were like, let's just fucking go to like a weird. Let's go to like a lake and just fucking chill.

And I'll work. I'll, like, write and I'll chill and I'll paddle boards. and do some we'll do stuff that's just chill imagine tell you this eight years ago you would never believe it well wait to hear how long wait wait to hear how long i lasted there okay so i go there you know it's a nice place but it's all fucking old people because i'm like this is what i was like i'll just do this we're on the lake and i was like let's paddle board that's a good thing to do is the paddle board we'll do that so some guy gives me an oar and you know uh we're on there we're paddling i realize five minutes i'm like this fucking oar is broken he gave me a broken

fucking ore. I can't paddle. It doesn't like it's flimsy. It breaks so I was like fuck this could be an issue all right whatever I'm fine I'll just figure it out the current takes us so fucking far I shit you're not a mile and a half out. This is the one where you stand on it yeah yeah okay yeah well you can also just sit on

you can do whatever but it's kind of fun but it's fun when you got a paddle that works the current takes me all the way that it's a fucking strong current takes me all the way out chases it with me and he's like dude I have a working paddle this current's pretty brutal I think we're kind of fucked yeah so i was like what do we do so uh yeah i literally by the way he wouldn't wear a

fucking life preserver and i mentioned malcolm jemal warner and he was like fine wow that's how i got to wear a life preserve i'm like malcolm the fucking cosby guy just died dude just fucking fucking throw on a life preserve he's like fine and then when we were stuck out there he was like thank god you talk me into that could have been bad we're stuck out there we can't get to this the waves are so strong we can't get to fucking even with his working one is like this is pretty tough we can't get back yeah so I'm like just I'm screaming we're I'm getting taken away further because I have no working thing I have no paddle so I'm like just fucking get to shore we'll figure it out just get to shore that's the move here yeah so he makes it and I'm like fuck I have to put the

paddle down it's broken I just start swimming on the fucking paddle and I'm swimming like a motherfucker you know like I'm like thank God because I'm not a fast swimmer I'm a city kid but you know I'll do laps on the road sometimes so I at least have endurance there so I'm fucking fighting and I somehow get to the fucking I get to the shore Wow and we're just like that fucking sucked and there's a construction guy and he's like here's a here's a two by four you can get back with

I'm like dude I'm not I'm not getting back with a two by I'm like and he's like all right fine I'll fucking I'll drive you back on my boat and we're like thank you dude thank you so much drives us back he's at first he's like fuck these guys these dumb city hick idiots but then I was like

has that ever happened to he's like yeah the current's a bitch out here like it has happened no warning from the guy that fucking gave you the paddles nothing and he gave me a broken paddle yeah so he gets us back and i was like dude i owe you big time can i can i go to my room again i don't have cash on me i'm in a bathing too but can i get you like can i give you money and he was just like just leave me a bottle or something oh and i was like all right we left him three bottles you know appreciate i left it on the dock that was his doc and uh i get back no they left this shit in the room i'd like a vodka it's like a wine i just left me but i was like uh i see the guy and it's

like a kid doing a summer job he doesn't give a fuck so i was like dude you gave me a broken pad and he goes oh yeah all right i'm like this piece there's nowhere for my rage to go yeah he doesn't care i hate that i hated that but then i was like but then we're there another so we're there like two nights and we got there like there like there's there like third day we're supposed to be there another night and i'm like i'm fucking bored dude it's raining i was like do you want to just drive back to the city and get fucking hammered in the village and he was like yeah we left immediately we made it two nights uh too is pretty good two's not bad but that's fucking

That's my travel. That's my non-comedy travel for this year. That's like a near-death experience, I have to say. Nah, it's not, it's not. It was just, it was a lake? I wasn't. Oh. No, I wasn't panicked.

I wasn't, I wasn't, like, scared. I was just like, this is fucking annoying. Oh, it's fucking, okay. No, no, ocean. Ocean, I would have been fucking dead. That's what I'm saying. No, no. Lake, I was, it was just annoying.

I was just like, this paddle isn't working. I can't get back. No, it wasn't fucking, like. That's the worst horror movie all time. We're stuck in the lake on a paddle board. The paddle was broken Even in the movie Lake Placid They had to throw in like a wild animal

Yes, of course It wasn't just the lake I saw a guppy No no no It was just fucking annoying That's all it was But yeah I came back We just got fucking lit up

In the village I love that Let's go back to the city And get fucking lit up You could even get hammered there Yeah But it was boring You get hammered around fun people

In the village I'm with you That nature shit Me and the lady During COVID We were like Hey the world shut down Let's get a cabin

upstate in the woods we'll fuck we'll get drunk if I had a woman with me it would have been different well two days in there was no you've gone in every hole

you've done every position you're like what do we do it sorry this cousin but uh all right March just trying to fuck her ears like hold on let me see

she can come real quick and then here's the clinker there was no TV in the fucking cabin so I was like what he's supposed to do when you're coming back reloading for the next round I know it was like misery

No TV in my room Breaking her legs Oh dude We were playing ping pong We were trying to be like We went to town there There was like a nice little town The food was pretty good

All right But like yeah I'm just there with my buddy At a certain point I'm like I want to get fucking hammered around like People They didn't have a local dive You could go to

With a bunch of fishermen No if there were fishermen I would have gotten Fucking hammered with a fisherman But it was dead It was all dead Yeah I'm the same way though If it's boring

It's boring Like what are we doing I'm just look at my phone In a cat I can look at my phone In my apartment I saw Colin Quinn at the cell And we were talking about it

And he was just like, you're a fucking city kid. You can't manage without, like, a ton of stimulation. It's like, you're not why. He's like, I'm the same way. I can't do it. I'm the same way. I'm with you. I have no, no, like, like, we went hiking in New Zealand called the Blue Mountains.

It was beautiful. But I'm just hiking. And I'm like, now what do we do? We're just walking? It's just a walk. What is hiking? Then we call it hiking. Like, it's this big thing.

It's just, you're just walking through the woods. I hate the term hiking. I went on the blue shoe mountain. I'll tell you. You want to fuck it You're or gonna use the blue chew That thing was limp But yeah

It was awful It was great It was awful No it was I'm cool Yeah If I hiked it would have been cool We actually were driving back And there was like some cool mountains

I'm like if we did this shit It would be more fun I fucked up I'm not good at planning stuff I'm not either I hate planning You need a woman to plan You need a woman

But then she plans bad shit That's true We're going to jazz brunch Ah Jazz brunch oh my God Jesus Christ Can I do heroin yeah exactly awful so yeah yeah the hike was cool but again it's one of those things where you're

like so now what i know you know and it was he's like look at the landscape i'm like i got it i know but god think about how fucking it's only gonna get worse i mean we're just overstimulated you you're literally around nature you're on a hike and you're like and i exactly and it's the same with the beach but it's but it's literally you're taking in nature you're supposed this what it's supposed to be that's true we're fucking we're something's wrong with us yes yes yes yeah We're a mess But my thing is with the beach I sit down with all the shit

I look at the ocean I go got it Let's go And they go No we gotta build a sand castle We gotta swim We gotta collect rocks And we're the worst

We show up to like We show up to a beach in Sydney We're like Yeah I get what you're doing here Let's get out of here Let's get fucking hammered To some bar Yeah

No I'm with you I mean Let's get shit face In the hotel lobby What's the same We literally flew around the world To get drunk in the lobby That sounds great

Now that's a night But you remember would list would set up those uh those central park hangs do i remember you fucking bailed on one yeah oh my god this is do you know this story i went to a couple mark mark he threw a birthday oh this was bad list throws a birthday party for mark in central park and everyone shows up except mark i didn't want to go mark mark mark took a flight to some gig and jo's like mark where are you and you're like oh i left town and he was like i threw a birthday for you we were all cracking up because he was so fucking upset.

He was pissed. But we were like, we're like, this is hilarious. He was like, Mark didn't want a fucking birthday. No. None of us want a birthday. I want to go do a gig upstate. But yeah, he was, that was a fight.

I know. That was big. That was like our first big fight. But, yeah, yeah. That's, I don't know. I get to the park and I go, now what? We're just sitting here. Like, we could have done this at the cellar.

I know. With his food and drink. Well, that's the thing is like, we're nocturnal. creatures when people I've had people say like they're shocked to see me during the day I'm not like out in the day they're like oh my god you in shorts I'm like yeah it's rare yeah well that's true but that's what's good about women

like my wife will be like we're going to Portsmouth this weekend and I'm like Portsmouth is very nice a little bougie too is it a little bougie a little bougie but all right but I'm like oh it's a cute town I'm Googling it is really pretty and then you get there and you're like all right now what? Yeah you're like you feel you feel a little bit duped

A little duped. You're a little duped. You're like, yeah, I'm just fucking you in a different location. Right, right. Yeah. How about that, Herman? Well, it's like that, uh, that's, was it Sandler? Who had that great bit about how when you go to Hawaii, you still have your brain?

Oh, it's, it's an S&L thing with Sam. It's an S&L, that's a great point. Yeah, we're like, you're still going to be you. You're still you? You think I'll go to Hawaii. I'll figure it all out. I'll relax. I'll have a corona with the waves and the palm tree.

You still hate yourself. Yeah, well, that's the thing is like, I mean, I remember being in Greece with a woman I'm dating. reading a fucking book on Putin by the pool in Santorini. And she's like, what's wrong with you? I was like, this is how I am, I guess. I don't know. I guess I'm joyless. Yeah.

I'm sorry. I'm fucking joyless. You got me. In the beach boys doc, this was the cool part is Brian Wilson. These guys are blowing up. They're making millions of dollars. They're going on the road. All the brothers, they're all related.

They're all getting laid. They're like, this is crazy. We're fucking every chick in the world. We're getting screamed at. He's like, I want to go back home. And they're like, are you nuts? You want to go home? Brian Wilson?

Brian Wilson. He's like the leader, the old brother. And he's like, I just want to go home and write music. And they're like, we got it made. We got the world by the point. We're in a jumbo jet. We got hoars everywhere. The band needs that.

You need that guy who's that fucking committed and obsessed with music. And that's why they're good. So he convinced him, he goes, I'll go home and write all the music. You guys go get laid and get drunk. When you come back, you'll have the music ready. And then you'll have a new hour when you go tour. So it kind of worked out. I remember hearing a story back in the day about the actor William Peterson,

you know, from like Manhunter. and he's in a lot of great movies he's fucking to live and die LA oh yeah he's awesome actor but I guess he got offered platoon you know the role platoon that Charlie Sheen took and he was like fuck that shit

and he did some like crappy LA movie because like no I just you think I want to go to Vietnam or wherever the hell they're filming I'll just fucking bang models and film movies in LA I don't care if they're good and I'm at the age where I'm like

I get it I totally get it yeah you're not only going to be able to do that You know, when you're young, my parents, hope they never hear this, they went to Paris. They're like, we're going on a family trip to Paris. And my first thought was, I'm going to get out of this trip and have a party at the house. And I fake sick like home. It's like perfect. I'll fuck her earhole.

This would be awesome. I faked sick like Ferris Bueller and I had a big rager at the house. It was awesome. Your risky business moment. Yes, exactly. I did the same thing. When I went to Tulane, freshman year, Katrina hits. and my parents had like a fucking first vacation forever planned

they go to Europe I have the house to myself so thank God for Katrina I got to have some parties Yeah It all worked out Wait you went into New York and had a party Yeah yeah oh nice

Yeah it all worked out Damn that's great All right have a good one guys See ya Yeah that party it had to happen But it just shows your priorities in life Well when you're kid you're very immature Yeah

Yeah, and you want to get drunk. You want to get drunk and you want to get laid and you don't, you have no space. Right. One of the great objectives in life is getting your own space. Good point. So you get space, you know, when you have your own place, but you have roommates for years. Yeah. Then you get your own space.

Yep. And then you're just like, this is fucking amazing. But then eventually, you probably get married. Yep. You lose some of your space. That's true. Then you have a kid. You lose even more space.

So you got to get your space back. So you have, that's why people like romanticize a fucking. dumb thing like a man cave you're like well this is a place just for me this is my thing yes yes good point but you know uh i hate that term but it's true it's such a dumb term i hate it's embarrassing awful but it's a good thing to have but i'm like i realize like my apartment is like is a total bachelor pad it's made for just a dude alone it's not made for like right right it's like that's a great apartment it's fun every guy walks in there and they go oh it's fun it's fun you got the big tv you got the fold out cap

You got the bar, you got the home theater, you got it all. It's fun, it's fun. But it's also, like, at a certain point, that gets old, too. You need to keep mixing it up. So, a certain point, I'd love to be in a relationship again, you know? Yeah, well, my house now, I built an office. And that office is like, it's kind of my man cave, but also an office, but also a getaway. Yeah, what's the setup like?

Oh, it's great. I got a big couch in there. I got a big desk. I got all my shit on the walls, all my memorabilia of photos of us and albums and everything. and I got a big closet full of video stuff. We shoot my, we shoot Tuesdays in there. So it's just a, nice. It's a great little getaway.

And also if you say, I'm going to my office, people like, oh, shit, leave my alone. He's working. He's working. Meanwhile, you're fucking, you lock the door, you're rubbing one out. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So you got to have it. You got to have a space. You need space.

I mean, but it is amazing, like, you know, I remember those parties when you're growing up. You just need, you're just like, oh, my God, the house is mine for this. You feel like a fucking adult. I know, and that's why guys go to, like, Lookout Mountain or whatever with their girl, their neck in the car, or, uh, you know, you, that was a big thing in, like, the West Coast.

You know, they drive to, like, some point and make out in the car. You get stabbed by the Zodiac Killer. Yeah, exactly. But you might get your dick sucked. You might. It was worth it. That's how much guys wanted to get away and get their dick sucked. They're like, look, there's a killer out here, but I'll roll the dice.

You got to. But yeah. See, yeah, you need a, you need to spend. That's why guys would, we would hang out in, like, parking lots. That's when I was a kid. Just because you're like, I need to get somewhere. Smoking Blunts in Central Park.

Wherever the fuck we could get away with, just fucking whatever is. Wherever we're not going to be seen. You just want to be away from shit. Yeah, when I first moved to New York, it was all roofs. It would go up on the roof of every building. We were always on the roof drinking. Roofs are still cool.

I love a roof. I love it because you get a view. It's a party with a view. Yeah. And you're reminded like, oh shit, I'm in New York. And it's kind of seasonal. You don't get a roof year round unless you're one of those places that drops crazy money on like heating lamps and shit oh yeah no we didn't have that yeah no i mean like but

some like bars do that shit yeah yeah true yeah but like no roof is seasonal or you or you just throw on your jacket i remember doing roofs during covid you're just like oh i'm fucking doing stand-up in like a winter jacket yeah yeah it's freezing a lot of pressure to be good and i wasn't so well cove was a tough time i mean tough time for comedy um just you had to go to like do video content like you you did it great you put out a special and uh you just had to get creative it kind of separated the the men from the boys a little bit of like who's gonna step up and figure something out here just got to keep fucking got to keep working man i mean it's also like what else are we going to do it's like life is so fucking boring without stand-up i love doing

this shit you also think about like what these ancient settlers back way back in the day like what did they do for entertainment before they had phone and all this shit. They gathered around and they played music and shit. It's the same thing when you're not allowed to get together.

That's why I think we had this boom after COVID. People were like, holy shit, I get to go out again. That's why we were all selling tickets through the roof. Yes.

And that's why it's kind of, you know, hit a plateau a little bit. But I think it'll come back at some point. Totally, totally. And I think there was, the government's crazy. Just the world got kind of crazy.

And so they want to hear someone joke about it. Which is healthy. We need that shit. And I think HR kind of went up. HR went up, fun went down. So comedy, I have a theory. Hold on, buckle up.

Tell me what you think about this. I'm fucking buckle, dude. I think, I've been watching a lot of these old rock documentaries, like Led Zeppelin and whatnot, Beach Boys. The early 60s is Mad Men. It's buttoned up. It's fucking gel cream or would it, brill cream in the hair. It's get a haircut, shave, you know, tuck your shirt in.

Do your job. Yes. And then it was very Christian, puritanical. And then it became, so then these kids like broke out. And they're like, I'm going long hair. I'm rock and roll. I'm free love. I'm fucking everybody.

I'm doing acid. And that became this cultural. Holy shit. Everything's changing. Comedy. Rock is dead. Who's going to see. Who's the last rock band?

The strokes? That was 15 years ago. Are there no new rock bands? I mean, I'm, now I sound like a fucking old person. I'm sure there are, but they're not, they're not what they were. They're not, like, grabbing you by the balls. Look at that. Wow, that's crazy because everything that comes up is older.

This is old shit. Green Day, get out of here. Coldplay. I don't even count that as rock. All right, we got some fat lady with dreads. I'm talking about, give me some fucking, uh, something that really rocks the nation. So I think comedy came in and just swoop that up because back then, taboo was, uh, you know, counterculture the devil having long hair yeah a lot about the devil leather pants weird clothes

a beard now taboo is words and i think comics come in and say some what i'm not saying you just go up there and go fucked up words but there's also ways that comics can reach their audience in ways that musicians can't because you know how many musicians have a podcast how many musicians are like direct to consumer like that you know like we can only you know musicians how many how many albums can you put out whereas we're the same way it's a special is what an hour

an hour a year and a half two years if you're fucking really on top of it right but you know you can kind of do other stuff you can do other stuff and we can talk I think if you got

Metallica in here it wouldn't be that funny I think we got pitched someone I think a Metallica guy could probably talk I would like to have Metallica but they don't need to either they're probably just like

I'll tour and just make way more money but to your point but they're grandfathered in it's like what you're talking about We can, you get Theo in here, and he just, he's riffing and raffing, he's bullshit, and it's funny. So you can grab an audience now, you've got a parasycial relationship. Is that the word?

Oh, okay. I heard this documentary is amazing about Metallica. I forgot the name of it. Oh, yeah. If you said the name, I'd know it. Metallica, Doc. Some kind of monster. Everybody says it's amazing Doc.

I never really got into him on. I don't like the band that much either. They have a couple of songs I love But I just yeah Never really got into it heavy It's too heavy for me It's too like Enter die

That's the song I like though Because Mariano Rivera from the Yankees To come out to it Really? That was the entrance song We were like oh shit enter Sandman It's a great song It's just too cringy for me

I'm like eh It's too dark and whatever Yeah There's a lot of bands like Look I never got into And I feel like I feel like embarrassed I don't know more about Ozzy

Because he seems cool as fuck Ozzy I love I, everything I've heard I really like, but I just don't know him like, you know, a lot of people do. I never got into, like, a lot of the heavy shit. But I don't, I feel, I cringe even talking about music because I'm such a, like, I love movies and comedy so much, you know, but if I talk about music, I'm like, someone listens, like, this guy doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. Right, right. Same. But, like, Ozzy, uh, the song Paranoid is, like, one of the great rap songs.

Oh, it's incredible. Incredible. Yeah. He was, uh, and you know what's weird about Ozzy? He's the Prince of Darkness, quote unquote. If you listen to the song Crazy Train, it opens by saying, we got to learn how to love and forget how to hey. It's all about, like, progressive get together.

Like, let's be friends and stop hating each other. Yeah, his message isn't dark. He's just dark. Yes, yes. Like his vibe is dark. Very lovey-dovey message. Yeah, he seemed like a lovely guy for everything I hear. I mean, like.

He did. I mean. Although you ever see that Howard Stern with him where Sharon, he brought. brought Sharon to China for the first time. He was on some tour. And she's like, and then Ozzy disappeared for five hours. And he came back. Turns out, he was a hooker.

He was with a hooker. And Howard's like, doesn't that bother you? And he's like, well, he's a rock star. That's what they do. And then Ozzy's like, I don't even remember. It's hilarious. But she was very, very freewheeling, very lax. I think when you're with someone like that, you just fucking, you make your peace with it.

I guess so. I mean, how about George Harrison? and Eric Clapton man What is that We just Layla That's the woman he stole from him And they stayed friends I didn't even know that

Yeah Holy shit I mean I think you're just like Yeah we're fucking rock stars This shit happens Yeah yeah I mean comedians We are not the same one

No those does not work with us You get some good material out of it though That's true That's true yeah But Layla that's like fucking You know But yeah what a bad We had a three-banger there

Malcolm Jamal, Hulk Hogan, and Ozzy One week Hogan, that was Wrestlers just don't live long He lived less than Ozzy And I was doing drugs And drinking for 50 years But Hogan's doing drugs, dude

You don't get that big at that age Whatever you're putting in your body To be that big at that age is not fucking that Like I don't look at Hulk Hogan as the picture of health Nah true I'm like he's jacked, he's huge Right But I'm not like that's good

No it's a lot of roids A lot of pain pills I'm sure I mean, yeah, pull him on them shirtless, like an old Hogan shirtless. It doesn't look right. You're defying nature to a point that it's like, this is not good. He's also got to be, what, 6, 7? Yeah. Old or taller people tend to not last.

Fuck. Ooh. Well, I'm talking tall, tall. Like, you're a normal tall. All right. I'm talking like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. He's still going? Is he?

Yeah. Carim's alive. I don't want him to die. I'm just saying, I think tall people die quicker. Sorry, Peter. made it to the mid-80s. Who? Bill Russell, the best worker?

Yeah, he looks, yeah, zoom in here. What are we looking at here? I just feel like you rarely see a, like a 6-7 guy at an old folks home. That's fair. Oh, that looks bad. I mean, what is with the beer? What is he, what was he doing? I think he bleaches the mustache and he just kind of let it go for a few days.

It's funny, I saw that guy Bubba the Love Sponge, you know, he'd beef with, and it's just funny, like, when you die and you live in Tampa, you got people called Bubba the Love Spunge. Like, I wish we passed it up, man. Yeah, yeah, the Hulkster and Bubba. Bubba the Love Spunge. Oh.

Ah, man, we should have put our egos aside. What is a love Spole? What does that mean? I don't know. Oh, he's 59. What is the Love Spunge? Wait, really looking. God bless you. Yeah. A person who's charming and attractive soaking up attention and affection.

Oh, I don't think so. A radio show hosted by Bubba the Love sponge known for his controversial and outrageous content all right well shock jock was big in the name he's stern and opiate anthonythony and love sponge that was uh don i miss that was big back then yeah i feel like we've taken over that mantle yeah i guess it was never something that appealed to me no no well i did like some o-and-a because you got like a young quin and patrice yeah for sure her louis norton geraldo geraldo then like norm would pop in or uh arty or we have stuff You want to give us some stuff? We have stuff?

We got packages. Oh shit. This is going to be porn and guns. It's going to be a woman's hair. Did I miss anything, by the way, in New York? Anything go down? Did you miss anything? I know I missed the shooting.

That was fucking weird. Midtown, man. The Godfather. The Godfather. Music. Oh. White Man Can't Jump. That's kind of fun.

That's cool. We can hang these up. These are kind of fun. Both movies I love. Hey, classic. Ooh. Look at this. Oh, Sandler.

We listen to some Sandlin the drive up. Wow, this guy's got good taste. Chris Rock, Bigger, and Blacker. One of the most influential. Giving you that. What is this? Hey, Goodfellas VH.

Oh, shit. A Bernard King car. Love that. Wow. This is like my whole childhood right here. Wait a second. No, this is Charles Oakley. This is Rebound King.

Never mind. Charles Oakley. Good old Oak. Damn. Go Nick. Thanks. I mean like this guy could have put half this shit on eBay and made about $18.

Yeah, this is, like, kind of cool shit to this. I feel like we're running a thrift store here, but... Yeah. Pulp Fiction soundtrack, pretty iconic. Laughing out loud. Norm, Bill Mar, Ray Romano, Drew Carey. Whoa, what the fuck? I think Drew Carey doesn't get his due.

He's a funny guy. He is a funny guy. Jack Daniels, this is like a little tin. Man, this is like... I know Mark has trouble falling asleep. Throw this puppy on. It works like a charm. Good joke.

Well, Cosby? Good stuff. I like this guy. Drinking through it. Drink through it. This is a fun package. Hang that up right there. Hey, Hanukkah came early.

You're all right. And a Carson box set. Okay. Look at that. He had a few boxes in his day. Is that just comedians or is it the whole show? I don't even know. It looks like it's all comedians.

Man, it is weird that, you know, you think of Nicholson and the Shining, here's Johnny. It's weird to have that reference. Like, you're that fucking. iconic he was that famous that you're you made the shining the whole country watch that show every night crazy times man different time it's all they had no more colbert no more oh yeah you did colbert i did it once too i had an okay set one i saw one guy commented this is a bad set from a good comedian i was like i think i got the same response i was i think the first comedian on there i think

you were i think it was maria bamford like that he wanted on so it was like his like she's my favorite comedian I want her on and then the booker I was the first comedian so uh yeah I don't think it was a great set it was kind of like they neuter it till it's not funny yeah when you do CBS or NBC usually yeah you got some edgy shit in a phallon set once I remember you get that girlfriend Walker bit on a fallon set I remember being like that's pretty fucking cool thank you yeah that was not easy I had to push for that I also to push for boner god they wanted me to say erection well the problem is you know look hey folks we might be drunk is brought you By hemp, cornbread hemp, if your current CBD isn't hitting, it's time to switch to cornbread hemp.

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Lucy. It was fun to do. is hell to be in the Ed Sullivan Theater. It's iconic. But it was a tough one for comics, as we all know. It really was, yeah. Although we did it when Colbert was still there. Remember, he would walk out?

Yeah, they would just have like six comedians at a time. Yeah. And just record. And he wasn't there, which is like, it really takes the thrill away. Completely. You want to meet the host. You want the handshake.

You want the job well done thing. Yeah, you want the whole experience. Yeah. Otherwise, it's just a stage. Yeah. Like, who gives this shit? Yeah, they would just plug and play it. Like, they'd kind of hold it and be like, here.

We'll put it in when we feel like it. The rumor was he didn't love stand-up? I don't know. Yeah. I'm sure he doesn't like the type of comedy we do. It would be my guess. Really? Maybe.

I don't know. I mean, I had a ton of respect for Colbert. Like, you know, growing up, I interned on Colbert rapport. I love fucking, I loved Stranger with Candy. I loved, you know. His, was it White House? Oh, it was incredible. Incredible.

He did a roast set on, heavy chase and it's one of the most vicious rosettes I've ever seen it was it was incredible wow he it was the Colbert voice when he did Colbert reports it was all very cutting and sarcastic and that was so he was like fake praising him

but it was vicious and yeah it was very good maybe we could play I don't think I've ever seen this are we allowed to play that or yeah I don't know you have to find oh wow Paul Schaefer holy shit was like a big deal yeah i mean oh yeah here he is here he is yeah let's see we can probably watch

i was asked to do this i was informed this was actually going to be honoring mr chase and i'm appalled at some of the things that i have heard said about this man and i don't i don't really mean out here i mean backstage some ha ha ha hauteas hurtful hate-filled things you could never take back and i just i will not be pardoned to it i'm sorry i've got to go online because who am i I don't know Chevy Chase I have never met Mr. Chase

I'm actually I'm uncomfortable calling him Chebby by the only thing I pick up when I look at this man is there but for the grace

of God who I would I tempt the comedy gods to strike me down like this to leave me pale and pear-shaped

by humorless huts of my former self haunting wow Wow. Wow. Wow. This was a risk and a risk and it worked. He committed. Oh, the sink is off. Very good. Very good.

Man, he's a pro. Even Chevy responded, which that whole, I remember that whole roast, he was just like, whatever, shut up. Yeah, well, I guess that roast was when he found out people didn't like him. It's a weird way to find out. I guess you ask all the big dogs to do it, and they're like, no, fuck that guy. Yeah, everybody hates him. I met him at the Adam Ray Dr. Phil

Yeah, what was the vibe? Not great. It was just like, I got the limp handshake and he was in a wheelchair, which was awkward. And then he walked out, did the show,

didn't say much. He was in a wheelchair, but he did walk out. Yeah, he has the wheelchair just to get around, but he can still walk. That's a weird move.

Yeah, I think he needs it a little, but, uh... No one respects a half a wheelchair. No, they really don't. It's weird to be like,

I'll do the wheelchair for this part. And then you're like, I'm good for it. Yeah. It's strange. There he is. Yeah. No energy. Didn't bring anything to the table.

But still pretty cool to have him there, I guess. I mean, I grew up with the guy. He's done a lot of shit. Yeah, there he is. He's a legend, of course. Yeah. But yeah. Did not say much on stay.

He really kind of left Adam hanging. Adam had to do all the heavy lifting. It's a whole new world. I'm sure these guys are looking at this. Like, what is this? Yeah. Like they came up at such a different time They came up when it was just like movies

And then it's like Okay, so he's not Dr. Phil But he's pretending to be Dr. Phil And it's in a theater this big Right Like it must be just like jarring as fuck I know, I know They don't understand it

There's a lot going Well we have to put out our own content I think that's most people are like Where's the camera? Where's the crew? Where's craft service? This is all pretty gorilla They were treated so well

I know These movies are like You do a bit part in a movie and you're like, oh, this is crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. They're like, this is like, I did a bit part in a movie recently and very small part. And there's like 400 people there. I know.

They're like, can I get you this? Okay, you want this? Sure. And I'm like, this is why these don't get made. I know. It's millions. They think this is what it takes to make a movie. It doesn't.

We don't need this one. There's a lady on the corner and jean shorts like, yes, sir. Okay, everybody can't come in this area. She's got to lock up a whole area All of it's unnecessary At least 40 redundant producers Yes That's why it shows like Kobe

Everyone's saying it's political Which I don't know Maybe it is political But you have to also admit That you look at the credits And you're like That's a lot of people For a guy talking on stage

And a guess in a band That's a lot of grips Extras And it is an old model You have to admit And like when you go and do Rogan Or something There's like four people there

and this is the most top grossing show so you have to look at like okay I hope these shows don't always go away because forever go away because I love the idea of like an interview with the crowd I think it's awesome I love that shit

but you do have to find a way to do it in an affordable way and then also it fucking breaks my heart because you think of the people who like post strike like man how many writers we know who can't work and can't get a job and now it's going to throw all these other people

it's going to be fucking hard dude it is yeah but it's a time are changing it's kind of like i mean we just have matt peters here we pay him in m&ms it's crazy you know but it's like the uh you know that that's how everything goes it's like the saddle guy when the car comes out he's fucked the horseshoe guys fuck the barn guys fucked the horse tame guys fucked you know it's just things changed now we got uh self-driving cars coming so the trucker's like well what do we do yeah yeah damn what are the uber drivers going to do when waymo kicks up all the waymo's

coming waymo man yeah what do you think of that would you take one home uh i've done it a few times what yeah yeah where where do you take the way i got one in austin i just was like oh i'm drunk of this bar boop boop boop boop got a waymo you're calling uber and it was a waymo yeah the waymo is like eight dollars cheaper you know it's like uber x uber black uber whatever got the waymo i'm just in a car with uh rachel feinstein and the wheel is turning it was crazy damn somebody is a joke that said uh they made a whole company just so you don't have to be with an Indian. That's not my joke, but

somebody had that. Metzger always says, it's great, you can jerk off back there. No one cares. I used to have a bit about how true story, a girl were in the back of her company car and we're both hammered.

She was a lawyer and we're fooling around and she pulled my pants down and just takes my dick out in the car and I let her do it because I was shit for it. I was like, all right. And then there's a guy driving. You know, there's a person driving this car

and in my head I'm like, perfect ad for driverless cars. But, you know, You know, that's, I mean, that's kind of, I wonder, are there cameras in there? There's got to be. There's got to be. Or else you could just, like, rip up the place. Yeah.

It's got to be. But, yeah, I'm sure guys are getting blown back there constantly. Yeah, on camera. Yeah. Damn. Eh, you'd take the risk. Do you ever gotten blown in, like, a taxi cab? I have.

I got kicked out of one. I got blown in one of the cab vans years ago. Yeah. And the guy was like, what was his name? Ha ha ha ha ha. Ironically, it was Waymo. Jeff Waymo. No, but I was getting blown, and this guy goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's freaking out, and he pulls the car wherever we were, we were at Union Square right in front of the, the whole food. He's like, get out, not in my cab, you, you hook her. And she was like, I'm not a hooker. Wow. Yeah, that must have killed the mood. Oh, yeah, it was bad. And I'm like, you know, you shoving the boner back in in public, it was brutal. I had it once.

Yeah, it's great. It's great. I mean, that's what caps are for. They are. We've all seen taxi driver. the beginning of the movie is wiping jizzle up the seat yeah fuck that movie's so good that the uh i mean that that is the look in a war with no ratings it is a wild west we should be able to get blown that's true why not yeah good point live a little yeah now is that a uh they're talking on speaker

phone i don't love that that's a good point oh boy wait is this a second black This is a, I had The robots bake this one Did you really have the machine make it? Yeah, so this is called a Cherrywood Boulevardier With a little rinse of Nick Offerman's loggerwood Oh

I got sets tonight And another rinse of Mark Norman's Jizz From Taxicamp Oh my God, that smells so good That is smoky dude Oh my God, that's smoky Nick Offman We got to get him back on he canceled on us

Petey But we'll get him back Great guy it's you know it's a little smoky possibly but i mean it's still good it's just i've never had i've never had a it almost feels like a waste to use log ofone in a cocktail right no we don't it was a very expensive bottle mat

you're reckless i like the ice though i like it too a robot made this we're fucked jesus christ Waymo Wait what do you mean A robot can't have a conversation with you And I like a bartender that will chat you up And I like an old school

And also part of going to a bar is like You want a hot bartender True True, you can't make a robot that Not yet Also I had a thought the other day My wife was talking She's like I need to

I want to lose weight I'm always worried about my weight And then her phone now is sending her like Workout equipment, spin classes, soul cycle. And I'm like, see, the phone is smart to listen, but it doesn't know that it's insensitive. That's where we come in. She goes, hey, I feel like I'm gaining weight.

I go, nah, you look great. The phone can't do that. You can't bullshit. So we still have the bullshit factor. You start feeding the phone info. That's what I'm feeling. That was the joke, yeah. It's like, you got to help me out, phone.

She's huge. Yeah. I got to get a fucking, uh, She should blow me more. The phone's like, I'm on it. Yeah, I know. I've been working on a bit, and that's the ending. Really?

Holy shit. But yeah. We're fucking finished. We've ridden too many hours. But the point is, the phone isn't smart enough to be full of shit. Yeah. And that's the other thing about AI. It's a good angle.

It is a good bit. AI can't lie to himself. We look at a mirror. We go, hey, I look pretty good. I'm all right. I'm doing great. AI's like... You're a 6.7.

Exactly. Yeah. In our heads, we're a nine or whatever. After a few drinks, it's like that Homer Simpson thing where you're like, he's doing like the flexion in the mirror and he's shredded. Right. Yeah. Right. Your brain really does lie to you.

I think people think they have an inflated sense of themselves. Everybody thinks they're smart. Everybody thinks they're a good person. Everyone thinks they can fight. Yeah, exactly. Everyone thinks they're a better fighter than they are. But I think that helps humans in a way because we wouldn't, the Wright brothers are like, I can fly. I can make it work.

We're like, dude, you're going to die out there. crazy, there's gravity, he's like, I got it. And now we have flight. If only Amelia Earhart at AI. I would have said, you're a woman. What are you thinking? I know. We lost a good lesbian that day.

She had to be a lesbian. Yeah, look it up. Let's ask. I'm putting everything I got on it. But how do they know? Let's see how good Chad GBT really is. While there's no definitive proof, some speculate that Amelia Earhart may have been a lesbian or bisexual, possibly due to her unconventional marriage and close relationship with Eleanor Roosevelt.

However, her sexuality remains a topic of debate with some suggestion. She was more focused on adventure and accompaniment than romantic relationship, accomplishment, sorry, than romantic relationships. Okay. Yeah. I think I got something there. She was married to George Putnam in 1931 with a pre-nup agreement that allowed for an open marriage. That's not normal for back then. Very rare back then.

Emphasized her independence. Thank you. Close relationship with Eleanor. She'd shout box. You heard it here first, folks. Come on. Close relationship to Eleanor Roosevelt, Earhart, and Roosevelt were known to have a close friendship with some suggesting she chowed each other's box.

Okay. Could be said. I mean, look, she never came out of the crash. All right. Anyway, I stink. Apparently Lincoln was gay. Have you heard this? I've heard this.

Soder's got a great bit about it. He does, yeah. Yeah, I've heard that rumor. He was at the theater. He wasn't the theater. I had a bit about that on a special. I did, yeah. He, uh, yeah.

Damn, dude. I mean, you think, now here's a question. We've had, what, 47 presidents? Statistically, one had to be gay. And three had to be gay. Four. What is it? One in ten.

You got to have great bit. One in ten. I think it's one and one. Yeah. Was that it? That was old school. That was like early Sam. Early.

I'd say one man and ten men is gay. No, I think it's one man and one man is gay. That's a good joke. Got a nice laugh back in the... That's a good joke. It was a nice, clean joke. Well, clearly, Hoover. Who was the guy who was wearing the women's clothes?

That was Jay Edgar Hoover, though. He wasn't president. He was FBI. Oh, that's right. That's right. JFK was gay. No way. He was a Poonhound.

Barack Obama, I've heard. Yeah, yeah. I've also heard Obama's a Poonhound. Like, who the hell knows? Really? I mean, I think he's into that celebrity world. I mean, there was a rumor he was dating Jennifer Anderson for a while. Oh, that's true.

That's true. Abe Lincoln. Yep. Bill and Hillary. No way. Bill's not. Bill wishes he was gay. Yeah, he's the straightest president of all time.

If Bill was gay, he fucking might save his, I mean, you know he's on that list. Oh, yeah. Dare I say, the first black president. Has that been done? Okay. Every comic had that. He's got the weed. He's fornicating.

He's playing the saxophone. That's first black president. Have you already had an LGBT president? Probably. Oh, let's see about James Buchanan? What did he do? A lifelong bachelor? A bachelor.

Yeah, but he might have been getting poned, dude. True. What was, yeah, go, let's go into him for a second. Zoom in. Go down, yeah, not a looker. Not a handsome man. Of all 46 presidents, all 46 have supposedly been heterosexual. However, only three have presided over the United States

that accepted home openly accepted. homosexuality, meaning most presidents would not have been free to come out of the closet had they ever been in it to begin with. There's significant evidence that James Buchanan, known as a lifelong bachelor, was possibly gay. He lived for more than a decade

with his close personal friend and future vice. Man, this is like going to Lake Placid with your friend Chase. This is some gay shit. Now, wait a minute. This is a stupid question. There's a lot of female presidents and prime ministers. I think Italy has a female a couple other places, Australia.

Has there been a gay leader? Openly gay leader? Yeah, there has. Has there? What country? I don't know. Look it up. There must be. I know we probably had some gay mayors. We got some lesbian. Well, we talked caches already. It's definitely a gay mayor.

Oh, we got cach, yeah. Has there been a lesbian, gay government? Gay leaders of countries. And I'm not talking speculation. I want to open. Open butthole. Yeah, Johanna Shigergergerder. Who served as Prime Minister of Iceland in 2009.

All right, something. It officially out. Okay, Luxembourg. Other examples include, okay, Luxembourg, Ireland. Wow, Ireland. That's a problem. Prime Minister of Serbia. Wow, that's really surprising.

You don't expect that shit. Jeez. Latvia. France. France, you could see. Yeah. Yeah, they're close already. Zamora Prime Minister of Andorra.

Is this right? I don't know if this is right. We need like another. I don't know. I don't trust Chad GPT all the time. Yeah, I mean, fuck. You know it's bad when you're like, go to Wikipedia. They're more trustworthy.

That's true. All right. Well, shit. More than I thought. That's good. We got a trans or we had a trans. What was the Levine? What was she in charge of?

Some kind of, some war thing, attorney general. Remember Levine? She was ugly. Remember her? Admiral. Admiral Levine. What was she the head of? Rachel Levine?

Rachel. Yeah. Public health commissioner. Okay, there you go. She looks like Bernie Sanders. Holy shit. Yeah, it looks like Rick Chrome. Holy shit.

That's a deep cut. Give that a good. That was literally for Austin, one comic in his class who's listening to this yeah uh there you go all right just curious look some openly gays out there yeah i mean obviously harvey milk that's the famous oh milk yeah that wasn't uh that didn't end well no fuck was he shot yeah uh in his office i think fucked up oof fucking s f man i know very gay city very gay city but that you know that's that's where you maybe make the start but then...

Dare I say a lesbian better than a straight woman. For what? For office. Why do you think? A little more brass tacks. A little tough? Yeah, they're not worried about the male gays.

They're just like, I'm doing my shit. I'm not worried about men. I'm worried about the business. I feel like a lot of females can be like, oh, is this guy think I'm cute? Does he like me? I hear what you're saying. A little lesbian action?

Yeah, it could work. Why not? I think it's better. A little lesbo. Same with comedians. Lesbian comedians are good. Yeah. Lesbian WMBA players.

There you go. When you see a straight one, you're like, really? That's true. That's true. I mean, they're fucking, there's a couple straight ones, but you're like, it's a surprise. Yeah, Caitlin Clark, but she's maybe the best. She's good. She's good.

She's fucking good, dude. She's a hetero. No, there's some good heteroes in there for sure. What's up with that dildo? It's happened a couple times. the way, who's bringing dildos to it'd be the most embarrassing thing to get stopped through security

with. That's true. You're going through that fucking thing and they're like, what the hell? And you're like, sorry. I was going to throw it at a player. Yeah. Damn, neon green as well. Like, they really wanted that to be seen. Yeah, who did it? Do they find out who did it?

How do they not catch that guy? Game delayed by sex toy. Night's climax put on pause. Ah, that's fun. It is hilarious. We deserve to get paid more. And then they're like, someone threw a dildo on the court. This is fucked up.

They're like, you can have that if you want that. Does that help? Keep it. There it is. Jesus Christ. I only got a cop has to come out like it's contraband. And it's a tight game, too. That's some fucked up thing.

We got a tie game with 51 seconds left. We should be talking about the score. But instead they're like, it's a fucking dick on the course. Tie game. You know, the score of 11 to 11, fourth quarter. Holy hell. well you see this is i know these women are upset but this is good for business this is all press now i'm going to go to a game just to hope there's a dick thrown on the court yeah

that helps have you you live right by there have you been yet or no i haven't but but i'll tell you when that that that game is over it's just it's lilith fair on my fucking block it's just uh boy dyker heights holy shit talk about an audience that would not recognize us they put me on the screen at one of those games once you could have heard of pin drop then they put some lesbian artist on right after me and they were like yes oh yeah

every girl walking by my house looks like Sam J I was so embarrassed they put me on this I was like why are they putting me on there I got nothing that's fun by the way they throw fucking bananas on the field oh true story Julian Adam he told me this story once

his favorite game of the player the bills through dildos at him Oh, all right They do it to men too Okay It's a different implication with men Definitely It means gay

Yeah Oh yeah You're calling him a homo Right I mean that's what they're doing Yeah Buffalo Buffalo fans are fucking funny

Oh wild I went to one game In the winter I'll never do it again Throwing dildos It dudes doesn't seem as bad No No

There's no Gender Also you got a helmet on True True You know that's a good point also they're getting paid way more money yeah yeah it does suck to get like 72 grand a year and someone throws a dildo at you

right there's no other job you're not going to be like an executive assistant someone's like hey heads up dildo you know but it is funny to throw it at a guy at a woman it feels like a hate thing that's what i mean yeah the guy it's a goof but i think also part of that like you need to get the heckling to a high because right now the heckling at women's games are a little more positive they're not quite as mean because you feel like you can justify being a bigger dick when you're like

he's making 40 million I could be like fuck you right but with these games I think it's like it's still very supportive but once it gets to that level it's a good sign for the sport yeah if you're really trashing them you're like fuck you you're like no I'm a fan that's true

I think you got something there I think it's true yeah the more hate the bigger you are what do the what's like Yeah, Reggie Jackson. He said, you're nobody till somebody hates you. Man, he was a badass. He was. Reggie, dude.

Was he a naked gun? Yeah, he was the guy who was almost shot the queen. Amazing. Dude, amazing book. The Bronx is Burning. Yes. It's about, like, everything in New York in the 70s, like son of Sam, David Berkowitz, the killer, the Yankees, the mayor. It's a fucking great book.

They should make that a movie. They made it a show. I didn't see the show But Oliver Platt is Steinbrenner He's fucking We tried to get him on this pod And he wouldn't come on Because he doesn't drink

But we're like dude We'll fucking Not drink with you right Wasn't that what happened with him I love Oliver Platt The title of the show is killing us We lost Hank Azaria because of it Well they're like best buds

Oh I'm sure they're telling you They're like fuck that show Yeah Maybe we can get them on together Let's have coffee with them We'll have tea We'll drink whatever you want for fuck's sake

We'll have coconut water you quips I would love Totoro man Oh I love Totoro Turo The Toro is a fucking beast Miller's Crossing, Labowski Quiscio Quisho is fucking epic

So good That's so underrated that movie Cohen? No No Robert Redford Dude, dude Redford He had a run

Bringing heat And fuck, I mean You said Miller's Crossing But I mean obviously Labowski Barton Fink Oh that's a great one Oh brother where art thou

Oh yeah Mr. Deeds I forgot he can do comedy too Dude he's fucking He's great in Mr. Deeds He's hilarious in that movie Oh, he didn't do the right thing. He's the waiter or the bus boy or whatever.

And Rounders. Yeah, Totoro, that guy can act. He's a fucking legend, dude. New York Ledge. Yeah, we got to get him on here. I'm trying to think more about Australia. We had a wild time. Yeah, give us some more.

I couldn't get drunk there because it's a beer. It's really a beer country. We're not big beer guys. No. I'll have a beer, but like, I don't like getting drunk on beer. I don't either. Pissing bothers me. I'm already a coffee guy.

I can't do beer and coffee and coffee and pee eight times a night you know yes yes and it's just so much just fluffed up no but they the last show he had a great run of shows i was killing in perth and then some guy goes shoey and like all right man shut up and then they won't let it go it just started like a wildfire that the whole place is yelling shoey and i just had to walk up so a shooey for those that don't know is i'm reading it here a tradition where a person drinks an alcoholic beverage usually beer from a shoe yeah which i did year i'm not doing it i did it well when they yelled to you they were they were yelling jewy but but i said a little bit no but i'm not doing i i've done enough unsanitary shit in my life

well by the way when people play beer pong now did you know that they they do water in all the cups and you just drink a beer call like sip your own beer yeah because we were so growing up we were so unsanitary when we played beer pong you shoot it in to the beer you drink the beer and then you throw the ball on the floor you hit it in a beer so it's fucking if you think about it's pretty gross but we didn't think about it

we just did it but I was at a beer pong bar I was fucking wasted one night we start playing I'm like what's up with all the water like this is how we play now so you just every time you hit a shot

you just have a beer in the side and you drink that. It makes way more sense we were living we were doing disgusting shit but that's why we were stronger we didn't have autism like all you quefs now

you neurodivers urgent. But yeah, no, that makes sense. That's actually a great point. Yeah. I never thought about the ball dropping on the ground, and it's in everybody's hands all day. It's fucking disgusting. Ah, shit. But I mean, it is weird, right? Are you bummed that it's changed? Did you play beer pong a lot?

I appreciate that's how I got Mono in college. Oh, really? Yeah, everyone's sharing the cups and stuff. I wish I got it the cool way, but I got it from kissing, right? That's what you're supposed to get it? Kissing disease. My friend got what's that, laryngitis from a shooey. because you've got to think your foot your dirty, gross, sweaty, nasty

ass hoof is in a Nike all day and then you fucking hit that shit it all goes down your throat. I'm not a fan. No. And what are we doing here? I'm a comedian. I'm trying to tell jokes.

Stop trying to fuck with me. There's always something. I feel like America, it's a little bit, like you go to Boston, they want Boston, Chicago. They want you to do a shot of Mallor. Yes. I can handle Mallor.

I can do Mallor. It tastes like shit, but I don't mind something tasting like shit. Sure. The shooie is almost like this weird humiliation ritual where I'm like, I don't want to do it. You do it. Yeah. Also, I'm doing a show.

I'm doing a show. It's how low what we do is on the entertainment pole. That's our dildo on the court is the shooy. And I get it if I'm from there, but it just became like, do a shooie, shoey make, one shoey, shooie, and it just was coming from everywhere. And I was like, all right, I'll see you guys later. And I got a million DMs like, sorry about the shooy guy. Those guys are idiots, blah, blah, blah. Which city was that in?

That was in. Right at the end. Last show, the tour. My drunkest crowd was definitely Brisbane. Oh, yeah, they're animals. They're drunkers for sure. But, yeah, I mean, you had a fucking amazing time, though? I had a great time, and I'm ready to be back.

I'm happy to be back. But I could tell at the end you were fucking spiraling. Yeah, well, I think my manager was like, we're going to get you out there in Australia. We're going to give you some real time to chill, which I'm like you. I'm like, these are too many days off. I'm like, how many days off do I have in Sydney? Three?

Ah, jeez. Give me one day off. Yeah. Three in Sydney, two in Melbourne, two in Auckland. So it was a little too much time off. Yeah, it's hard to plan that right where you're either feeling like bored senseless at a certain point or you're rushed. It's really hard to plan on a trip to Australia. That's true. Yeah. I think one day off is plenty. But I also got a shadow band or whatever. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I mean, I'm in Instagram jail right now. What would happen? up an Australia video and it was one of those videos where you're like, oh, this is cooking. It's at 500K in like

10 seconds. We're going to go to a billion. What was it? It was just me fucking around and making fun of their land acknowledgment. And apparently that over there is like sacred. So no one makes fun of it. So I made fun of it and it was like they were going nuts because

they're not allowed to. So when someone else does it they're going ape shit. And it killed it. And so all the Australians are sharing it when I posted it and then a bunch of people downvoted it a million times like what do you call it? Reported it and so it got taken down.

Damn, well, don't do that in Saudi Arabia. Don't push the envelope there. I mean, tickets are moving. Have you looked? Yeah, it's going all right. It's going really well. I think they're like starved for a chuckle out there. There you are. What night am I? The second?

All right, cool. What am I? The eighth? All right, well, maybe we'll... I wish we overlap, man. I know. I would have been fucking epic. I'm going to Greece and you're They're going to Barcelona

It'll be good What lives we have We're all of a jet set Yeah no it's crazy I'm That paycheck Look at me comics Jesus Christ

Zarnagarg Gabriel Fluffy Bobby Lee Bill Burr Boy I hope to hang out With some of these people Yeah Fuck

Joe Coy Jimmy Carr Jim Jeffries Good old Bobby Lee Yeah I bet I'm overlapping With nobody I'm at the very end Whitney

Santino Shultz Kevin Hart My God, this is quite a who's. They must have some cash over there. That's what they got. If they're paying us that much, imagine what they're paying Kevin Hart. Crazy. He didn't flying commercial.

No. Yeah, my agent told me, they were like, we had a certain so-and-so. I'll tell you later, certain so-and-so, he flew to Australia private, flew the whole thing private, and then flew home private. I was like, wow. Damn. That must have been a couple mill. Damn. Not too shab.

Not too shabby. It would almost scare me to fly to Australia private, though. I know. Fucking small plane. Are we good? Super bumpy. Good problem to have, I suppose. Yeah.

I don't mind first class. It's just the airport that sucks. It's just that I like, I don't mind first class. No, my fear is when you connect internationally and you have to get the bag. Yeah. And you're like, am I going to get, you know? So I'm more scared of the, oh, fucking we going through customs. That's more the thing.

right right that's true that's yeah no i mean shit do you have the global entry i do but it only works when you come home ah that's good you got you gotta get all that dude that shit expires get on that list ASAP get on it like when it's a year before it expires it takes for fucking ever really yeah yeah you gotta have all that shit if you travel like you do you gotta have you you don't be waiting on all these long lines the lines are crazy when you travel like that well i did the i looked in the global entry you need like a passport a burst of certificate uh i don't have any of that stuff you have to give them a penis stamp it's getting pretty intense no they really are they're asking for more and more yeah no i did it just because you got it

it just one less line who gives a fuck yeah because when you land you're like oh i'm home oh shit we got to walk in a three hour line it's insane it's insane and then i watch people with global interest is breezing by and there's no one in line i'm like gah i would pay like three hundred dollars just to get through that line but it ain't fun yeah but i don't know how to get it i don't have all the paperwork. My parents didn't keep any of this shit, these records. You could figure this shit out. All right, I'll give it a look.

You'll find it out. P, P, TTP, TTP account. What the fuck is this? I don't fucking know. God, damn. Trusted traveler program. Yeah, who gives a fuck. I just got pre-check like a month ago, so I'm way behind.

No fucking way. Shut up. You didn't have clear a pre-check? I had clear because I could just sign up at the airport, but I got pre-checked. I got pre-checked. I had to go to Staples and get it. And that's been a game changer. By the way, that's a little... Staples, kind of fun.

You're popping with Staples. I'm like, yeah, you've got all these notepads and pens. I kind of like it. It's kind of a good time. Nerd alert. Well, I haven't been there in a while, but, like, I like handwriting shit out. Me too. I like the legal pads.

They're nice on the eyes. It's a nice whole situation. A good pen is a game changer. It's fucking amazing. You know what it's overrated, those pens that are like fountain? I don't like a fountain pen. It's too much ink. Too much ink.

It's like, what am I giving my life to this fucking pen? You have to commit. You always have to, like, carry the ink. They always fuck up You have to get the right angle I fucking hate a fountain Fuck a fountain If you leave it on the page

It gets like a bubble of ink Or a blots out God forbid you wear khakis It's in your fucking pocket You're like now it looks like I fucking Came black Ballpoint all day Yeah I just like I love

What I love is one of those like precise pens The black ones Precise PEO Yeah that right there That right there that one Oh really that one Even that one's too much ink for me I like that one

I like the Unibald I like a nice pen unibol as well yeah unless you're lance armstrong but uh or hitler i like i like one of those uh i like a nice moving pen intubal that was quick i'll tell you utable that was quick uh i like uh i like writing by hand there's something about it all the fucking legends do it fucking rock louis they always have their legal pads and i like i get why they do it it is nice to write out it is it's it's you remember it more too Like, sometimes if I can't remember a bit, I'll just write it down on a scratch pad in the hotel, and I'll remember it. Yeah.

When you write out an actual, I always handwrite a set list. Same. Always. I was at, years ago, and I first went to Louis' apartment. I remember he had this big desk and had all these Emmys behind it and shit. And I, like, I think I had an Oscar. And I was like, oh, I was just staring at his desk, just thinking, like, chewed up, all these jokes and shows were written on there. And he walked by and he's like, everything I wrote on that desk.

And I was like, wow. That's pretty cool, man. Crazy. Damn. He had an amazing apartment. He had a wine cellar in the West Village, a wine cellar. He had a backyard with a dog running around. He had a couple floor.

It blew my mind. Damn, well, you got a great fucking apartment, man. I got to stay in my house. It's a nice spot to stay, right? I don't even notice him. Yeah. I mean, that's a flex in New York City. And you got that little backyard area?

Oh, yeah. You set up that coal plunge yet? No, I did the hot tub. You got to come over. I can't do it. I got it It's been a few days from me It's kind of nice to have out there

It is nice to have out there It is then It's summer It would be great to get a dip Oh I get a dip You freeze You feel great And the the health benefits

Are really good I hear I think you feel good You want to help me With the coal plunge It's not that hard to set up Dude We can look into it

All we got to do is Just get those instructions And really Focus It's fun to have a project Sometimes That's true That's true

Yeah Yeah I I'll up Yeah We're gonna do it We're gonna do it Are you here this weekend? No.

When do you leave? Thursday. We'll figure it out. We've got to do some more Bordeca cat stuff. We've got to take it to the next level. It's doing well at a comedy store, right? It's doing really well at the comedy store. The whiskey sour?

I'm going to L.A. in a couple weeks. I'll probably, I'll hit you up. And I also, I might do a show at the comedy store. I'll figure something out. Yeah, they've been really good to us. Yeah. So that was awesome. Mark performed there.

That was great. Did a show in the main room. They did a bodega cat special. We sold a thousand of those cocktails. It was great. I love it. So yeah, thank you, Comedy Store. The improv is getting weird.

I did the set there, too, and they were like, we want bodega. But they won't do it, right? Hey, improv, what the hell? We want to be at the improv, too. We're trying. Melrose Improv. What the hell? Yeah.

We want to have bodega cat there. We'll come by. We'll say what's up. Where else needs some love? How about Laugh Factory? How are we doing? It's work in progress still. I think you know, yeah, we've talked about it.

What about Gotham? Have you tried Gotham? Yeah, so we're going to be... I got to check with Vinny, but yeah, anything we can do. That's not Vinny. That's Stress Factory. Oh, stress factory. So, shoot, who's Gotham?

Sean or... We should talk about this off air. Yeah, Brad, it's going to be really boring. Sorry about that, guys. We're trying to make this liquor move to the next level, and we're trying to figure it out. And as you probably guessed, Mark and I are not good businessmen. No. We're working on it.

Yeah. Wow, look at that dumb shot of me. I really think I'm cool. Fuck me. I look like I'm narrated It was my fourth drink of a bodega cat that night And I knew the dame was near Problem was I was gonna get drunk

Yeah You're doing a lot of international Yeah I'm going hard buddy I'm going like fucking starting in Saudi Arabia like you Then Barcelona Milan I'm gonna pop into Rome And see what's up there

Maybe there's a show there Listen to you pop in a robe Yeah Do a little poppin Do a do Dublin Liverpool Have you done Dublin? Yeah, it's great

I love it. I'd say one of the best grounds In the country Oh, we did that festival? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done a couple times. I got London, Liverpool, Paris, Amsterdam, and Berlin.

Jesus, this is a great run. So we better backlog some fucking episodes. Yeah, we got a back. Because we're both never here. Luckily, we're kind of going away at the same time, though. That's true. That does help.

Yeah, and I'm back with, that's a October, right? Yeah. All right. So we've got a good two months. I'm gone most of October, yeah. But we'll go hard, man. Oh, yeah.

I want to just get this special down so I could move on from it. Yeah, I mean, what's, where's it at right now? It's done. I mean, it's, the hour is ready to go. Is it an hour and the dot? You're doing like 50 or what are you thinking? I think I have about like an hour, five, but I think I'm just going to give like a 55. I like that.

You know, just hold on to some of it. Do you know what the set's going to look like? Like the order or the set. both uh yeah this the order's already down and uh i think the set i'm going to keep it simple i'm going to do lights of green yellow and purple get a good lighting we got a great lighting guy great sound guy beautiful sound great sound and uh yeah so i'm pumped i got a couple ideas for the intro and uh you do a little sketch you just go straight in i'm going to go straight in but it's it's a weird idea i'm pumped to hear about this yeah so we'll see what happens this this

And then I just want to put this thing down. I want to have that, that magic period, that grace period of, like, once the special's down and you're still touring it for a while, no one knows yet before it comes out. Yeah. I love that moment. Yeah, it's fucking beautiful. But it doesn't last long. No. And it creeps up on you.

I don't know I'm going to write another fucking hour after this. I'm kind of like, I'm good with it. I think this hour is kind of working. But, like, I don't know how I'm going to do it again. I'm like, I'm bone dry, buddy. We say that every time, though. But I'm fucking bone dry for real this time. It's too many

It's too many of these You put out a lot But it's no rush There's no rush No I know I know But I'll probably I'll probably burn it

Next year What the hell What You're like I'm not gonna put an hour out Next year Well I mean I'm kind of sick of the jokes

You know Already? Well it's I put one out Last July It's been over a year Oh is it last July Already

It's been over a year It's been over a year It was like At a certain point What are we doing A year and a half Two years max I kind of like

Yeah I'll probably take a little More time With the next one I definitely will take more time with the next one. Damn, so it's already close? Yeah.

Wow, that's incredible. I think. We'll see. That's incredible. We'll see. I think, yeah, for the next one, just take your time. I'm going to take my fucking time, dude. There's no rush.

No rush. Oh, geez. What do you got coming up, Mark? All right, I'm at the, uh, yeah, when's this, geez, when's this come out later in the year? Akron, Ohio, baby. Dayton, Ohio, Halifax. there i'm excited to go it i think that one smoke salmon is that what they're known smoke salmon cream cheese and locks it's a i hear it's like a cool hip kind of crunchy town i can't wait

send some picks i want i want to know what it's like ottawa huntsville hattiesburg san jose boulder we got to sell that one out we added the show ryan in sada arabia that one's moving greece is moving oslo is tough pick up the oslo oslo oslo tickets helsinki stockholm dublin Valley Center Casino Magoobies outside Baltimore, Rochester, New York, Niagara Falls, San Diego at the Observatory. Have you been to

San Diego, Chile? Twice last year. What do we got? This comes out when? Of August. Oh, so I got September 19th. I'm at the Venetian in Las Vegas. Can't wait. It's going to be really fun. You know, I was going to get there a day early to go to the sphere and see the Wizard of Oz, but everyone's

saying it's not the movies music there is the best ever but movies they haven't quite figured out but we'll see i guess i kind of just want to go yeah i would go my friend went and saw backstree boys just as a goof and said it was amazing that's amazing yeah now he's gay anyway rochester new york september 25th through 27th of the comedy the carlson great club i got the chicago theater october fourth winnipeg the fifth uh saudi arabia riad october 8th barcelona of Spain on the 10th, then Milan, Italy, Dublin, the 16th, the 17th, Liverpool, then London, the 19th, the 21st in Paris, then the 22nd in Amsterdam, the 25th in Berlin, then November 14th through 16th, I'm going back to Wise Guys in Salt Lake City.

I've already been there this year, but I love the club so much. I figured what the fuck, Salt Lake Crowd, you're the best. November 29th, Reno Nevada at the Atlantis Casino and December 4th, Carnegie, Motherfucking hall i'll see you there uh punchup dot live slash mark norman punchup dot live slash sammorel bodega cat whiskey hit up matt hit us all up bodega cat whiskey uh on instagram dm or what's it i got it wrong the first time info at bodega cat whiskey dot com there it is so we'll fix that in and post there that's the guy the guy behind the bottle perfect and uh we love you guys we'll see you very soon Hell yeah, keep drinking, queefs.

Sunday's a day for my next fender. A bit of fever wreck, you know the beer juice close. I've had a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope, and I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like the cops coming, and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New York.

New Orleans, this woman doesn't look like I remember her, and I get down in the same way. We might be true.