We Might Be Drunk - Ep 250: Rainn Wilson - Code 3

Episode Date: September 22, 2025

Rainn Wilson joins the guys this week to talk Code 3, his new action comedy with Lil Rel Howery about paramedics on a night from hell. They get into wild US Open stories, the legacy of The Office, hot takes on classic movies, MTV nostalgia, and why tennis needs a Happy Gilmore moment. Plus, Rainn opens up about porn, spirituality, and surviving Hollywood’s ups and downs. Sponsored by: 💊 Support the show and start your free online Hims visit today https://www.hims.com/DRUNK 🥗 Support the show & get 50% off your first Factor box, plus free breakfast for a year with the code DRUNK50OFF https://www.factormeals.com/drunk50off 📲 Get a 7-Day Free Trial + 50% Off your first month with code DRUNK. Just download the HOF app on iOS or Android, and enter code DRUNK 🎧 Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD 🛒 Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ 🎬 Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets ⸻ 🎙️ Check out That Sounds Right — the comedy panel show hosted by the producer of WMBD: https://www.youtube.com/@thatsoundsrightshow Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #RainnWilson #MarkNormand #SamMorril #Code3 #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey

Hey, hey, rain. We're on. We might be drunk. What's shaking? Glad to have you, man. How's it going? We've been trying to set this up for a while. Yeah. And I'm glad I'm here. Thanks, thanks for having me. Well, you're a busy guy. I saw you at the U.S. Open yesterday. Yeah, yeah, I was there. Cool. Yeah. You were sitting with Trump? I was. Yeah, I was in the Rolex box. I got a slap, actually. You guys are very scruffy. Is that part of your deal?

Is that kind of your look? A little bit. As you notice, I went with the goatee and it's very carefully. This would fly in the New York Yankees. This would not. No? No, because you can't be dirty-shaven. It has to be, like, groomed.

You have to have like a choice, like a conscious kind of beard look. Yeah, you saw the Simpsons episode. Remember that one? What's happening? We're looking at Trump at the Open. The Open. The open. Oh.

Oh, that's a mint. Or a Viagra. The Viagra is blue. Popping a pill. That's interesting. God, it would suck to me this much on camera. The scrutiny? Yeah.

I read the New York Times headline, and they were like some booze and some cheers for Trump at U.S. Open. And I was there. I did not hear a single cheer. 30,000 people booing. This is all I heard. And I was just right there. Anymore. Not anymore.

But that's, I mean, he's born and raised like a couple miles. Right there, yeah. From Forest Hills. That's right. Yeah. Forrest, quite the alumni, Simon and Garfunkel, Trump, and Billy Eichner. The big three. Yeah.

Here's another fun fact is I just watched that Billy Joel documentary. Oh, so good, right? Talking about it. Oh, my God. And I had Billy Joel songs stuck in my head for like weeks afterwards. Trying to be a big shot, did? I left my AirPods in a cab. And you know he had to find my iPhone?

Yes. So I was tracking them as they were going. And I didn't have the receipt, so I didn't have the driver. I didn't even know which cab. And they ended up in Hicksville, Long Island. Hey. Her place of Billy Joel. How about that?

Yeah, so somewhere, I hope some relative of Billy Joel is enjoying my AirPods. No. AirPods are tough because you're like, I want them, but I could just buy new one. It's not enough money to go to Hicksville. Exactly. So I guess she bought new ones I thought about it I need to buy some new ones

So actually with the money I make doing this podcast Yes Yes Big money I thought you were paying us Oh Oh

What's going on guys How's the world of podcasting You guys been Five years You've been doing this thing Have we? No Oh my God

What the fuck Man Flying by Good Lord I didn't know that But you know You gotta have this down Oh thanks

Covering your face You still learn And nobody wants to see this mug. 2.50. And folks who are watching at home, they're not drunk. No, it's early. They're not at noon. They're not drunk over if that helps.

Okay. Okay. Weekend. Again, it's covering your face. You have an awesome face. No, what do you mind? It's like a naughty boy next door. You want to get it right.

There we go. You, uh, what are you in town for specifically? Was the U.S. Open or what? Do you care? Do you really care? Yeah, I do. Well, what's that ticket go for? All right. Yeah, was that, did you pay for that ticket or was that a com?

Here's the deal. Double. Here's a deal. We've got some stuff to get into. Yes, we do. My celebrity star is seriously waning. It's okay. It's okay.

I don't think we could have gotten you when you were on the office. That's so not true. Really? Oh, come on. Rainy. But I used to be able to get tickets, like, to ever. Everything. Got it. You know, and now it's kind of like, oh, hey, I'm going in the U.S.

Open. Here's some days I could go. Can I get? My publicists are like, yeah, there's not really any tickets available. It's like, wait a second. Wait a second. If Krasinski was going, he would get tickets. Karel.

So Karel would get tickets like that in a heartbeat. So I had to whore myself. I went on Seth Myers. And I joked about this very thing and talked about tickets for the U.S. Open. I knew it would work. Sure enough, the next. days like someone at the open saw you on staff and we got your tickets to the president's box wow what a great idea yeah so i i degraded myself no that's a that's a finagle who were you

close to in there what in the box i was oh it was kind of fun martha stewart hey still and um yeah what do you still oh yeah was she 82 oh and imagine that breakfast in the morning it'd be a good one She's still a looker. She's got it. Oh, BJ. Yeah, Mindy and BJ were there. Ben Stiller. Hugh Jackman was there.

Jeez. Anna Wintour. Look at you. You look good, man. Oh, thanks. That's Hugh Jackman. I'm just kidding. I like a look though.

You got to bring it for this. It's like a real fashion showcase. It's a thing. Yeah, it's a thing. But, yeah, and I went to Wimbledon too, but I had to do the same thing. Wow. I didn't get. You went on Graham Norton and you're like, please.

I didn't do it I didn't do a talk show I got tickets through Wimbledon but all the big stars get tickets in what's called like the Kings the Royal Box so it's like

I was there like in the Worma the Royal Box yeah yeah Megan's vagina yeah the um

so I was way up in like the 200 level and over I could see over there's like oh there's Matthew McConaughey it's like you know it's Welcome to the level of B-List celebrities.

Oh, come on. We're not just saying this. That character's forever. Yes. You killed it. One of the greats. Everyone loves that. If people see you, I'm sure they still freak the hell out.

They do. I mean, it's amazing. And the office is crazy. It's the gift that keeps on giving. Like, it's like, it doesn't, it doesn't, the office doesn't wane. You know what I mean? No. There's still like so many, like, 12 and 13-year-old.

or college kids or whatever, and they're like, oh my God, my favorite character. It's amazing. I can't believe that. Dwight Shrewt and Kramer, and then after his set, I feel like you went up. Yeah.

Yeah? Because you haven't had a racist meltdown yet. I haven't had a racist meltdown. The day is young. It would be the place to do it. My sister doesn't laugh at anything, and Dwight Shrew got her. There we go.

She doesn't like, there's not one joke I've ever made that she was like, that was good. But Dwight Shrews, she's like, that's, this is nice, she has good taste. Yeah, she does. Is she hot? She has stubble. Maine's going to pay my sister. God damn it.

She has stubble. Oh. She does. That's a new day. But I'm here this week because I've got a movie coming out. Code 3 is coming out on Friday, September 12th. I don't know when this podcast is coming out, but, and it's me and L'Rol Howrie. Oh, I love L'O'Roe.

And it's action comedy, but it's got. some dramatic elements, and it's about EMS workers and ambulance drivers, paramedics, kind of on a night from hell. And it's really good. Great. Honestly, it's a really, really good little film. I'm glad any comedy movie is being made. Is it going to theaters or is it streaming?

It's going to 100 theater. Okay. It's going to a handful of theaters. And then it's going to a smattering of theaters. and then it'll be, like, you can video on demand after that. Hell yeah. Some streaming place at some point, I'm not sure when. Someone's going to pick it up.

Someone. Well, but it's terrific. And Rell is great, and it was, we got a little bit of the, was it Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor kind of vibe going, you know. Silver streak. Silver streak. Yeah. What's the other one?

Stir Crazy. Sturcraying. And hear no evil? Yeah, yeah. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah, they were quite the, they were the first black, white, fun team. Then you had another 48 hours.

Yeah. Dude, the first 48 hours is so good. Oh, it's incredible masterpiece. That was on TV, it's like start to finish. It's one of those movies that comes on and you can't turn out. It's like your godfather. There's certain movies. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Yes. You're just not changing the channel. Dude, Pulp Fiction started the other day, and I'm like, fuck. I'm midnight when it started, I was like, I guess I'm watching it. I'm hooked. TBS had a string when I was in high school They'd play the Breakfast Club Then they play Shawshank

And then they'd play What? Wow Yeah, I really don't like Shashank. I don't love it as much as everyone I like it But I don't love it I don't

What's not to love? It's long It's funny that it's such a rewatch Because it is miserable Like the whole time You're like he's just suffering That's true You need that for the ending

I guess The tone is so weird It's kind of like There's a rape in it right There's like a prison rape in it. Sure. But it's the whole thing is like it's a male race name, what's Tim Robbins name? Like, Dufrein. Yeah, yeah.

Andy Dufrein, collected all the tin cups from the cafeteria. And then there's like a prison rape and you're like, what the hell is going on here? They kept it real. It was gritty. But it, no, but it's like a fantasy fable. It's like With a rape. This is, my son

is 20 and this is what they would call a hot take. Hot take. Yeah. Shawshank Redemption. Sucks. Damn. That's going to be, that's This is going to anger the comments, I think. That's the title of the app. Yep, right there. Wow.

Apparently, they changed the ending, too. Apparently, it wasn't. They weren't supposed to come together again. But the audience needed something after being put through all that shit. Sure, sure. And he was supposed to be, uh, Morgan Freeman was supposed to be an Irish guy. Really? But he killed the audition.

Well, that's why it's one of the greats. What's, are there any other classics that you're like, fuck that movie? Yeah, I got another one. Please. Goonies. Wow. Goonies sucks. It's all nostalgia.

It sucks. It's a great moment. That's it. The ending, they do a thing that bugs me at the end where there's like four times they try to make you cry. They're like, keep in the house. They made that alive. That should be enough. Right, right.

But if you watch it again, all it is is 12-year-old screaming at each other. That's true. It's 90 minutes. Why are you doing it? But there's some pretty joyful moments in it. And Chunk is now an entertainment lawyer. He's, yeah, our buddy Ida Rodriguez. He's her lawyer.

That's right. How cute is that? What's the name of the weird guy with the weird family? face? Sloth. Yeah, sloth. So someone once compared me to sloth, and I will say that there is a little bit. I think he nailed it.

I was drunk on Reddit. It's a long story. You can find some sloth. Yeah. I don't think so. Did you ever get women? Because my wife is weirdly attracted to you. And did you ever get like the weird?

By the way, you're offended by someone saying that they were weirdly attracted to you. Well, the character, the character. Oh, okay. Wait, attracted to Dwight? Yeah, she's just like, he was. so sure of himself and confident that there was kind of hot there was a swag to do i yeah he had he had a swag i i love that he was so weird looking but yeah um you're you're trying to find sloth parallels i'm weirdly attracted to you it's kind of crooked face i don't know a little nicknulty mugshot

on the right there's a little too i got my teeth fixed so before my teeth were a look crookedy uh-huh looks like riana so all right I got a stuff thinking of that joke. Anyway, this is really distracted. There's one a week. There's one a week. It's whether I say noir first or Mark makes a joke. Well, there's only one fat lady, Lizzo.

There's only one lady who got beat up. He's more than one fat lady. All right. I had him in college. Sorry, what were you saying? Is your wife hot? She's very pretty. Postpartum.

Okay, I like that. Yeah, low self-esteem right now. It's the perfect time to get in. Yes, ample bosom. But I love that Dwight was so weird. and yet the writers were smart enough to make them like let's let's have him hook up a lot this is this is going to be fun oh there's that episode where you you grab that hot chick on the road when you do the travel oh yeah yeah I mean that was great and then you're like annoyed that she's staying around I love yeah yeah yeah that's that that was a lot of fun yeah but you must have gotten some crazy letters from nutty brads out there was it all social media letters is still a thing I guess yeah that's true with Rittenman Quill Pins. Like candlelight.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, I get some weirdos and stuff like that. But, you know, my wife and I, we just did 30 years. Wow. Damn. My Lord, and your son is 20. We've been married longer than you guys have been alive. No, we're old.

We're not that. Older. I know that. Very well, not you're older than 30. So you had a baby. at 30? So I was, my wife was 40,

I was 38 when he was born. Oh, wow. Yeah. All right. That seems to be the white way now. Yeah, it is. It's like wait. It's a showbiz way.

You got to make a career first. Yeah. Career first, family second, wait to the last possible moment. You got that right. It all worked out. Yeah. You guys have kids?

I got a baby. But I'm from the south. So a lot of my friends had kids at 21, 22, and now their kids are out the house and I'm deep in baby shit and screaming and I'm like, oh, maybe that was right because now they're living

high on the hog and they're 40. Yeah. I am jealous of those people. They got it out of the way. They got it done. We were having fun. We had a lot of fun.

I wish I remembered it. We had fun. Not a lot of memories. No. Some pictures though. We look happy. Yeah, we should check CCTV footage. I bet we'd catch up a little.

So what's going on on the world of comedy these days? You know, a lot of like, are you guys lumped in with like the podcast bro kind of crowd we can dabble we dip a toe in we come out we go back in you know you promote something you're getting a lot of flack for like the kind of podcast bros leaning right yeah Trumpy a little bit and yeah I think there's too much politics looped in with comedy now it's very strange yeah we don't really we don't really dabble too much on that because we didn't get into this to tell people how to vote

This is like observational comedy I think you leak I think people know where we stand but we try not to hammer it because there's enough people doing that Every comic thinks they're like Every comic thinks are like a geopolitical expert now I know

Middle East and like do we have to weigh in on everything? Let's go back to talk about midgets and quiffs and not a foreign policy You can't say midgets See you just showed your car But see now you're politicizing midget You see, you have to say little people. Ah, but we've had a couple of midges on.

Yeah. So we'll talk to, let's ask them. We are all so canceled right now. Well, it's like, I don't think black people are like African American. Yeah, that might be true. Uh-huh. So maybe the midget will come back. It's coming back.

It'll come back. All right. Fair enough. But yeah, yeah. Pull up the, yeah. Oh, geez. Oh, boy. This guy was on last comic standing.

I think he won. He won? Is that right? Maybe he was runner up, but he. Damn, was that the prize? Now he's dead man walking. That's crazy. I could play him in the Made for...

You could. If any producers are watching right now, an actor to play John Reap. See, one man's downfall is another man's role. How do I profit? We're going to see that headshot at the Virginia Beach Funny Bones soon, too. Come soon.

Damn, that's crazy. That's terrible. Yeah, that's a... I remember him on Eastbound and Down. He was funny on that. Yeah, he's a... funny guy that's that's not good uh gotta not do that well now if we're not doing that maybe we're we look like but we look better if we're not yeah child pornography well people

associate comics with this guy well i hope not oh fuck all right i hope i hope that's not are you a comedian you're in a you like children right ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha mark uh i like his later work no no no uh i i thought yeah i thought he was funny guy And he was very nice when I met him, but I was a child. It was on a playground. But yeah, damn. Now, I never know what that means. Does he get caught with porn?

Did you log into a site? I don't know what child pornography. Like, you didn't know who has magazines anymore, so it must have been digital, right? By the way, the porn is all library and hobos now. Really? Yeah. You mean the library's all porn and hobos? What did I say?

The library is all... You said the porn is all library. Oh, sorry. The library is all poring. You do like library porn. And hobo porn. Hobo's in a library porn. You see that?

I guarantee that exists. Yeah, with the bum soaked in his own urine, kind of giving it to the librarian. He's got to do it really quietly. Yeah. This is the peeve. The paywall, you can't give me one free article on the child molester? I got to pay for this. You know his family's like, well, we want to know.

I guess you've got to subscribe to the Miami Herald. It was crazy. Harold and Kubar There it is He's actually in that movie He's in the Harold and Kuwait Oh that's right

Escape from Guarana Bay Whoa Yeah At least he knows how to get out Ah Man One count Second degree

Exploitation of a minor Nine counts third degree Sexual exploitation of a minor What is the difference Between second and third degree here I don't even I know nothing

I don't want to Google that But Now is that mean he took the picks Because now I don't know If he took the picks Now we got a real problem If he looked at a pick Wait, he was in Netflix's Brad Paisley's comedy rodeo.

What is that? That's a bunch of words I never thought I'd see together. Yeah, right. Netflix, Brad Paisley, and comedy rodeo. There's a lot of stuff. Wow. Well, this got really dark and weird. Sorry, yeah.

Yeah, let's bring it back. Oh, there it is. Who else was on there? Do we know anyone? Is that Nate? Yes, it is. Oh, my God, Bargazzi. Well, he's not going to.

All right, we should change the subject. All right, we should change the subject. Woo, what were they riding, a five-year-old? All right, let's... Nate, you can bring kids to his show as you sure he was trying to open. I'm not... I was like, you know, any work?

Woo, boy, we'll get out of this. Thank God I wasn't called a comedy playground. I just saw Nate on CBS Sunday morning. They did a whole thing on him. It was amazing. He's hosting the Emmys this weekend. Oh, that's right. Man, he is in the mix.

He's killing it. He is mainstream, that guy. So you're great on Entourage also, by the the way oh thank great up speaking of uh porn yeah so those actual porn that was a porn episode and the young woman who was the lead in that episode of entourage of i think she she died right yeah i read that tragic oh no yeah so um i don't know i've met a few porn stars in my day and i'm always upset that they're i'm like why aren't you blowing me you're a porn star do you ever have that feeling you know when you meet a comic you're like why aren't you funny yeah i guess it's

I'm getting that right now. Well played, well played. You still got it. Thanks. See, that's why you get these Wimbledon. I'm going for my crowd work. All right. Well, yeah, I'm just saying.

Porn stars, you give off that energy. Yeah. Yeah. I don't ever have, I don't, I don't, if I'm around a porn star, I don't, like, assume that they're going to, like, have sex with me. Right. Yeah. I guess that's all I know of them.

So. Right. That's how you know them. Yeah. It's your way in. Exactly. You still doing the porn? I'm off the porn.

Whoa. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Good on. I went off the board. I had some porn issues, you know, with the advent of internet porn, especially like early 2000s. And I was like, this is, you know, this is not good for my mental health.

It's not good. It's a time management thing, too. Like, if I just get it out of the way, I'll be, it'll be. The day will be easier. That's how I do it. But, you know, minutes can turn into hours. Yeah. And, you know, and you can, like, it can really demotivate you.

And also, just, it just made me feel shitty about myself. Yeah, you never, you never, not when you're watching that and you're like, that was good. All right. Yeah, you're never like, oh, I'm so glad I. Especially John Reap. That guy's probably like, oh, fuck. Oh, God. Ooh, you reap with you so.

But, yeah, you know, porn, I look at porn. porn like an espresso shot. I just knock it out. I'm not sitting there with the fucking beaker. It doesn't get energy. Huh? I don't feel energized from it. I feel like I'm also, I don't like that I'm like, look, I don't watch it a ton, but I watch enough still to be like, ah, that was not, uh, I don't want that to be what I'm attracted to. Sure, sure. Yeah. And it goes to just like, what does your wife think about, uh, porn news? Because I kind of feel also like you know when I was when I was in that I was kind of like I really should be especially as I was as I am rapidly aging kind of like that energy should be for my beloved

but what if you're on the road I'm on the road all the time so I just knock it out now face time it's the same thing it's a video image there's I know those tits though yeah I've been in that neighborhood I want to see something new and she's cool with that wow I think She rubs out her stuff. Does she watch porn? She doesn't watch. She watches Forensic Files and goes to town. That's good stuff, though.

Yeah. Listen to true crime podcast. Well, women are different. I don't think they need the visual. She just needs the vibe. I've had women say, we're like, well, let's watch it together. I'm like, watch it together. Yeah, that's weird.

What is it? The fucking honeymooners? I'm watching. I want to watch. That's private. I don't want you to know, but then you're like, but you should know. Yeah. That's a weird thing.

Both shows, they're getting hit. But, yeah. No, I don't want to. Rihanna. Yeah, no, I'm with you, though. I don't want to watch it with you. This is my own thing. It's like, it's like I want to eat cake alone.

I don't want to eat cake with you. It's like when women want to play video games with you, and you're like, no, no, no, no, this is my time. Yes, better example. Eat time. And cake. Sam, are you old enough to have wanked to a VHS tape? Yeah.

I had a couple. Most of the movies. I used to do when I was coming of age and discovered this world, this was the early 80s, when you could try to get HBO or Showtime or Cinemax, from like that, and it would have the wavy lines, but occasionally it would get clear on TV. And you could get like five to 15 seconds of boobies.

Yes. You'd kind of like be jiggling the TV channel and jiggling yourself and waiting for that, just waiting for that. Perfect storm. The squiggle porn, we called it. Yeah, it was porn was so hard in the, That's what she said.

In the 70s and 80s, it was so, there was so much work involved. There we go. That was it. Remember Robin Bird, dude? Oh, yeah. Was that just a New York thing? Yeah. Robin Bird was like this woman that would come on after dark on Channel 35.

And she was just like an older lady who wasn't particularly great looking, but her tits were always out. And as a kid, you're like, this is incredible. Oh, really? Oh, I vaguely remember. We had Rhonda Shear, I think. I like that you Googled Robin Bird and then a bunch of Robbins came up. Ah, this guy's a great ghost. Yeah, oh, that's hot.

Yeah, dude, I was birdwatching late at night, too. That's what I was talking about. Was that her? Yeah. Yikes. Boy, we were slumming, huh? We were slumming, dude. I mean, back then, you take what you could get.

Oh, yeah. And you'd also find you're like, I guess I like that. Yeah. Every once in a while, but you're like, that's, you know. Oh, remember Elvira. I would watch Elvira. I would watch the whole thing just because she had cleavage. In my neighborhood, she's a hot lady.

She was pretty hot, yeah. And she's still hot. She's still hot. She's still hot. She's like 75. I did a comic book convention thing with Oviro. She's beautiful. Really?

And smart. She has a great memoir. Oh. Okay. You got a stories, right? We'll give that a shout out. Crazy stories. Wait, what's happening?

What the hell of you watch? This is on TV when we were coming up. Oh, wait a minute. Wow. So no Vaj, but just, yeah. You had new dancers on. It was a stripper. Yeah, but you were literally flipping the channels and you'd go from like mash to this.

Yeah. Like, wait. What did they? to smash. Oh, she's cute. Yeah, she looked all right then. She looked good. I was wrong.

I'll tell you, you flip through in Europe. I've done gigs in Europe, and you're just flipping through in Amsterdam, and it's just tits after 11. Yeah. That's their law. Tits after 11. It's a good name for a podcast.

Yeah, that's true. My neighborhood is very communal about the porn, and if anyone in the cul-de-sacs of suburban Seattle had some, we would hide it at a convenient, like a house- You meant now, by the way. I was like, damn, he's still, he's got a community. He's like, dude, watch this. Like, circa 1979, you would hide it in the same stump.

Oh, that's great. Or at, like, a house under construction. Someone shed, and everyone knew where it was and, like, oh, my Uncle Ronnie gave me one. And you'd tell the guys, like, hey, I put another one in the stack. Oh, that's beautiful. It was like a lending library. Yeah. They were always, like, waterlogged.

And, you know, you couldn't get the pages apart from... It's not water. Water. From rainwater. And then with the VHS, you could tell where they kept rewinding it. It was right on the money shot. They're like, oh, this part's a little fuzzy. Yeah, those VATs...

They were always colorful, too. It was like orange or blue or red. Yeah, they popped. Yeah, they really popped. It's good advertising. It is. It's like a fish wife. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're like, I don't want to watch the Big Chill or, um,

That's a big movie I don't like. The big show. Yeah. I saw it in like 1987, but I haven't seen it since then. It's just like a lot of forced. Like it's another like, we're going to try to make you crying and like doing nothing. Yeah. Good soundtrack though.

Good cast. Good cast. Good cast. Um, another hot take. What do you, what do you think about Scarface? I like it. It's not a good movie, but it's fun. It's fun as hell, dude.

Oh, I love Brian De Palma, so I don't give a show. I like his horror stuff. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I love body double, too. That's trashy as hell, but it's fun. Body double is great, but I don't know, Scarface, I tried to watch it. It's a while back in it.

It's a while back in it. I don't think, I remember Mullaney had that bit back about how, like, my favorite movies when people say, you know, a godfather and Scarface. And he goes, that's like my favorite food is lobster and skittles, you know. So I get it. It's not like, it shouldn't be in that category of movie, but it's so fun. Like, I don't know. Like, look at that. It looks ridiculous.

It's over the top, it's crazy. Robert Lojia, that kind of is. Yeah, yeah, exactly. The giant mounds of Coke. It's all comical. Yeah, it's insane. And, you know, it's so over-the-top dramatic. Oh, yeah, and black people love it.

They do. Yeah, Cribs. It was like you had to have that poster. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Every rapper had a, every person had Scarface. I miss those days of MTV. You're referencing MTV Cribs, right?

Yes. Remember when MTV, like, kind of determined culture? Oh, yeah. When he went, like, everything was about, like, whether it's a music video or cribs, I'm forgetting all this stuff, it was the dating shows. Oh, yeah. Like, everything was like, even through the early 2000s, through when the office was starting, like, you would turn to MTV to kind of see, like,

where's the zeitgeist? Right. What's going on with the kids these days? The last thing they had was catfish, right? Catfish was big. That was big. They have that one, Chanel East Coast.

I don't know that one. What did you say? No, rividic. Ridiculousness. Oh, that was big. That's still on. Wow. I don't know what it's big on.

Let me call John Reap. I know he's, oh. Yeah, that's. Room Raiders. What was the heyday of the MTV shows? I would say teen mom, all that stuff was big. Jersey Shore. I've never seen one episode of that shit.

Oh, it was fun. It was a lot of it. It was fun. They were just banging. You like Scarflake. It fits. Remember singled out? Singled out.

With Chris Hardwick. Yeah, dude. And Carmen Elektra. And Jenny McCarthy before that. Yeah. I would rub one out to them. That's how little we had. They were in these skimpy outfits and I could get off to that.

I know, Chris. Look at him there. Oh, my God. He was drinking a lot back then. I remember. That was a 90s haircut, too. Oh, for sure. That parted down the side.

The butt cut, yeah. Wait, wait, wait. You knew him drinking? Yeah, I knew him in his drinking days. I did House of a Thousand Corpses with him in 2000. Wow. 2001. What's that?

House of Thousand Corpses is a kind of classic cult horror film directed by Rob Zombie. Whoa. Me and Chris Hardwick were the, like, the young guys who got brutally slaughtered. Hey, that's cool. It was fun. We had a blast. Are you a big horror movie guy? I like horror, yeah.

I like horror. I think nowadays, some of the best movies being made. did you see weapons i got to say we're the only people in america haven't seen i was on the road it's almost not a horror film it's like it's kind of a tarentino supernatural thriller great acting you know there's house for thousand quarters yeah i'm dying to see it me too made by a comedian really that guy was on like whitest kids you know and yeah he's a sketch comic yeah i didn't know that there's a lot of similarities i mean yes he'll get it you know i mean it's all tension and then breaking it yeah release

Yeah, I co-wrote a sci-fi horror script I'm trying to get off the ground to direct. Hey, okay. Did you direct episodes of the office? If there's any billionaires who have an extra $12 million sitting around, please hit me up. Hey, I did direct some office, yeah. Yeah. You got U.S. Open tickets on Seth Myers. This show, that'll get you a billionaire.

I don't think billionaires watch this show. Maybe they're kids. I don't think billionaires are looking to invest in movies. Yeah, true You'd be surprised How many billionaires Want to get in the movies Maybe a couple

Oh, okay Yeah Yeah We might have someone For our thing Yeah, we wrote a movie We wrote a movie No kidding

Yeah For real A comedy Oh that's awesome A buddy movie Yeah I hope Yeah

That's why you're talking About making more comedies Because you're absolutely right Like You gotta get those comedies Greenland We gotta get But you have to convince

People go into movie Theater I know Well we'll go to streamer We don't mind a streamer Are you one of those Comic actors Who also is like

I want to do more serious stuff, or do you love doing comedies? I'd do both. I don't want to do it all. I mean, Code 3 is, I'd say, mostly comedy with some dramatic parts, but yeah, I'll do it all. I'll do it all. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we'd love to get this made. But I'm fine with a streamer.

What's the name of your movie? What's your pitch? Right now, I think it's probably, right now it's call we might be drunk. Yeah. But, uh, oh, really? Yeah. We're liquor salesmen. We have our own whiskey bodega cat, and it's kind of about two guys who are struggling

liquor salesmen and how they have to try to circumvent, you know, the biz and get distribution. Did you guys write it or bring on another? We wrote it. We have two other writers we wrote with. And I think it's fun. Oh, yeah. We're working on it on the road. We're on FaceTime punching it up over the way.

And I was like, I think it's pretty close. It's another but jokes, one after another good story. Have you sent it out or anything? Sure. Oh, yeah. We're shortening it. We overwrote it. So we're shortening it to appease a financier.

Right now. Okay. All right. So he was like, it's good, but it's got to be a little shorter and then. Yeah. So we'll see. Yeah, they want it like 100 minutes. They don't want it.

But that's what a comedy should be, I think. Yeah. They're right. We overrode it because it was too many cooks in the kitchen telling us, like, this needs to happen here and this. And we're like. More heart. All right. Yeah, more heart.

Oh, my God. I hate smile comedy. Hate heart. It's like it's not, I don't mind. There should be a moment where you feel, where you are happy. Yeah. But you do want to care about the character. Of course.

You want to care for their situation. in the first... But I just mean, like, smiles in place of jokes where they think that's enough or it's like, no, you need it to be funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And look, Naked Gun killed it, so that gives us hope. There you go.

Naked Gun did kill it. Yeah, I haven't seen that yet, but I heard just great things about it. I can't wait. I heard it's good. Yeah, I had lunch with the writer guys in L.A., they're really cool. Oh, wow.

They gave me... Dude, one of them texts me to watch a movie. They send me movies now. Doug sent me to watch this Curisawa movie high and low. I'd never seen it. It's fucking amazing. really yeah I'd never seen it

he was like that's the the original Japanese one yeah like the 50s or 60s they just remade it with Denzel and Spike Lee that looks pretty good too I couldn't get into the Japanese one I just didn't understand what was going on you gotta get like five minutes and then it's pretty

I mean the premise is crazy I'm not giving anything away because this happens in the first few minutes but basically there's a kidnapping this guy mortgages all of his finances to take over the shoe company and he's like playing the game to have a takeover, to have the full percentage. His kid gets kidnapped, and he's on the phone.

He's like, I don't have money, but fuck it, it'll do anything to save the kid. And then it turns out it's not his kid. It's the chauffeur's kid. And he's like, huh. Oh, that's good. But it goes from there, and it's really good. Interesting. I'm already hooked.

I just watched Seven Samurai. That's crazy. I love Seven Samurai. I got to do a deep dive on Cursehauer, because I feel like that's like a blind spot for me. And it's all, everything I've seen, I love. Have you seen Ron? Not Ron, like, R-O-N, but R-A-N. And it's like a retelling of, I think, King Lear.

And it's the shots of the samurai wars and stuff are just incredible. Yeah, when you watch him, you're like, oh, I see the Scorseseo influence, I see Tarrantino influence, I see Hitchcock influence, is so much influence. Damn. He was the guy. Yeah, yeah, he's great. So do you write a lot of Scorsesiansians? Do I write a lot of scripts? Yeah, I wrote a comedy script like a long time ago, like 15 years ago and Will Ferrell

was attached for a little while and just couldn't get it financed and it's just sitting there. It's called Bonsai Shadow Hands and it's about an alcoholic former ninja living in the San Fernando Valley. Ooh. It's like a fucked up karate kid where a kid hires him to kill his stepdad. Oh, fun. Former Ninja in Recovery who's living in a halfway house and Van Nuys.

So it's funny. It's good. But don't you hate the holiday? No one's attached and then the meetings and then the distributed. It's like, yeah. We did the budget at like $6 million, which is very low. And everyone was like, we're going to need like Mark Wahlberg to get this finance. like Mark Wahlberg's not going to do a $6 million indie comedy right this this doesn't the math

doesn't add up yes and they're you know they go through the list of of those a list names and they're like and then I'm like could I you know could I make it with um uh David harbour that his name like from stranger things he's on stranger things I'm like no he won't get you he won't get you six million dollars wow he's on the number one most famous tv show on the planet but so were you doing like marvel stuff yeah it's weird though that i feel like they also are just always on vacation the people were dealing with the meetings just keep getting pushed they're like no it's it's mokk week and you're like mokk week it was just a day what the hell and then they're like and then there's they're going on vacation next week and then the next week the company like down i'm like when do

they fucking work yeah i know Hollywood will use any excuse to shut offices now Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Speaking of shutting down, did your house burn down? Half my house burned down. Oh. I saw that video, dude. I'm sorry.

Pull it up. Oh, we got that. I mean, where are you living now? We have that ability. We moved back, we were in a bunch of Airbnbs, which sucked. And we moved back into the guest room of our house. Wow. Oh, that's a sitcom right there.

And, yeah, that's. Holy hell. This is it right there. That's it. Is this, what are the palisades? This is in Ventura County. There was a little-known smaller fire that was a month before the Palisades fire out in Ventura County. Damn, you could have used some rain.

Hey. All right. Jesus. That's crazy, man. Yeah. Sorry. So, but it's, it's moving along. It's moving along.

It should be done by Christmas. It'll be a year. It'll be a year. Are there any steps they can, and this is a naive question, but are there any steps they can take to make the area safer, from this happening again? There are a lot of steps that folks can take. I've learned a lot about this.

You can... Bury the power lines? That would be the number one most helpful thing, but you can... You have to... We were fucked because a lot of our hedges

kind of touched our house and, like, touched our roof and stuff. And that brought it... You have to put, like, mesh on the air ducts, you know, whatever you can do on your roof don't have wooden shingles. There's a lot of...

There's a lot of stuff do, but especially mitigating, like, trees and foliage around the house is the number one thing. I saw people installing sprinklers on their roofs. Whoa. We're doing that for the next one. You know, just have a, you know, you got sprinklers in your yard. Sprinklers on your roof and have an app and, like, oh, there's a fire getting close. Love it.

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Oh, this is what I'm talking about. What's going on out there? And the insurance companies are all gone, right? We were lucky we got it. We have pretty good insurance. But we still, our deductible was huge. So I'm out, you know, I'm out a lot. Oh, sorry.

And then there's lots of stuff you have to replace and buy, and it doesn't cover, like, you know, we lost dozens of trees on our property and we got to replace those. Trees are expensive. I know, I know. I don't, I didn't know that. They are, plants are expensive. Yeah, yeah, you get a little tiny trees like $3 to $500.

And then if you want to get like a sizable tree, you're in the thousands of dollars. Damn, I didn't, I know nothing about this. move to Brooklyn and then you got to keep up with the Joneses around the neighborhood. So I had to buy a bunch of flowers and pots and dirt. It feels weird to buy dirt. You know, dirt's like what we're trying to get rid of. It's everywhere and I'm buying dirt. I'll take you out to New Jersey, but get some dirt for free. Oh, let's do it. Yeah. All right. But, yeah. Do a sopranos thing. I'm on my hands and knees with a little shovel. I feel like a, you know, Wally Cleaver.

Do you still get crazy residuals from the office? I get pretty good residuals. Although, it's funny, I did not from Netflix. So in Netflix, there was some statistic. Maybe you can look up the statistic about the number of, like, billions of minutes watched or something like that. It was like the office was like the most watched show during COVID and kind of even pre-COVID. And that, the streaming residuals are not good. But it still plays on like Comedy Central. Hell yeah.

And it's foreign sales and some other ones. So we do okay. 341 million hours of viewing worldwide. during the first half of 2023. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, it went super viral. There's something about billions, though. That's the first half of 2023, so you can double that.

There was something about billions of hours or minutes. I believe it. My wife watches it literally every day. It's just like a comfort thing at this point. It is a comfort show. But this is a problem. I was talking to a TV executive, and I was like, why are you know new comedies? Yeah.

Viewers spent 57 billion minutes watching the office on Netflix. in 2020. That's insane. $57 billion. If you knew, like, the check amount for the residuals, so it was very low for that. But now then they sold it to Peacock and then it's gotten better since then. Oh, good. But part of the problem, I was talking to this TV guy and they were like, I was like, why are there no new great comedies?

There's so few TV comedy out there or being launched and whatnot. And then there's shows like The Bear, that's not really a comedy. I know. I get so annoying when they call it a comedy. It identifies as a comedy. Even like Hacks is a really fun show. HACS is good. But I wouldn't necessarily say it's like a comedy.

It's a dromedy. It's a drama. There's a lot of jokes in it, but it's really a sad story. But the problem is that people keep fucking watching the office over and over again. Oh! And Seinfeld and Friends and 30 Rock and Brooklyn 9, and Parks and Rec, and they're just watching these shows over and over again. Good point.

young people are watching them, so they're not, like, ordering new comedies. I never thought it that way. Stop watching the office. There's your headline. They might be drunk. Rain Wilson says, stop watching the office. Clickbait outrage. What is this about?

This is going to be a great reel. It's a good point. When all in the family stop coming on, you watch the next thing. Because you couldn't replay all in the family. Right. I never thought of it that way. You could buy the VHS or something, but yeah, it was a whole different process. So, but when this came back on just a few years ago, I think also, was it during COVID?

Was it 2020? Yeah. Because that makes so much sense that people needed a comfort watch. Yeah. But did you get an insane amount of new fans, you think, from that? It was, because people don't remember this, but even before Steve left, we were in ratings decline in the last like four or five seasons of the office. I remember the first season. I didn't even, I thought it was funny and I didn't think it was going to survive.

Yeah. But it was like six episodes and it was. And that's what we thought. We thought it was going to be like a rest of development. Like, you know, season and a half, two seasons. Col following. Colt following. Great show, but, but disappear.

Did that, did that influence the vibe on where you're like, this is, was it nervous on set? Because you're like, it's going to go away. We were almost, I can't tell you, people don't believe the story, but I can't even tell you how many times we were almost canceled. Wow. just hung on by the skin of our teeth. It was, it was, it was crazy. Wow. Like, season two was like, oh, I found the money and we're going to order seven more episodes.

We just did six for season one, like, I love it that we found the money, like they're under some cushion. They're like, oh, here, here we go. This guy, Kevin Riley, who was running NBC at the time is like, he, like, squirled money, I think, away from, like, other bad shows and, like, put it in a side fund and, like, and they're like, Oh, we got one more episode in season two. We can make it eight now. And we're like, oh, great. Hey, they ordered one more. And like, okay, they ordered two more scripts,

but we don't know if we're going to shoot them. It was really touch and go for months and months. Wow. They did this the family guy, too. A lot of these shows are just sort of like this close to just disappear in forever than end up going for forever on TV. It's made them a bazillion. And Seinfeld.

Seinfeld, too. Yeah, almost good. Putting it after cheers is what saved him. But was that, I don't know this. So I'm sorry, I know, I don't know this at all, but was the show ever a huge ratings hit? Was it like a critical hit? I know it's huge now.

It did very well in the ratings. I don't know that it ever was like a top 10 show, but it was like, it certainly was the number one comedy on NBC. That's cool. And it was a top comedy. Hell yeah. And but it might have been sometimes in the top 20 or 30 or something like that. But it was, but here's the thing.

That was also like the reality TV era too. Yeah. It was probably crushing. That, but they did study. of like who was watching the office and they're like, oh, it's college kids and rich people. And that's the key demo

that the advertisers want to reach. So we didn't have huge audiences, but they kind of keyed in on the fact that we had some smart fans like your wife. Yeah, there you go. She loves it. She lives for it. Also, here's a theory.

She's a college kid. Yeah. Oh, my reap. But she goes through, or we all go through Instagram and TikTok and there's a lot of comedy on there. So I wonder if we get a fill of comedy like just going through YouTube shorts

and the guy getting kicked in the balls and then a stand-up clip. And it's for you. And comedy podcast. And podcast. So, yeah. But I like scripted comedy. I miss.

I do too. Our buddy's on a show on FX, the English teacher. Oh, yeah. It's very funny. It's very funny. I haven't seen it. I think it's a funny show.

Really funny. Sean Pat. The paper's out now and I watch the pilot. thought, yeah, they didn't. I'm not paid to say this. No, I thought they were to take a joke. Come on, Dwight, what do you do? This is sacrilegious.

We don't need a remade. It's like when they remade white men can't jump. It's not a remake. It's like a spinoff thing. It's a spin-off thing. It's a documentary. The same documentary crew is documenting a different workspace. It's the Toledo Truth Teller newspaper.

Give it up. I think. I mean, you're just like, live, damn it. It's over. Is anybody you annoyed when Parks and Rec came out? And you're like, this is our thing. It's carbon copy. Because Greg Daniels co-created it

and Mike Schor, who was from SNL and was a head writer on the office spent, we were rooting for him. It was kind of, it felt like all in the family, kind of. It's got to be tough for these writers. Where do they all? They used to be like 38 comedies on TV, now there's like two. They must be clawing to get those jobs.

My friend is working on the TED animated show. Oh, great show. Great show. And he's so that's a great new comedy. Yeah, he's so grateful. Yes, yes. have a comedy job. I mean, there's so many, like, comedy writers out there with guns to their heads right now.

I know. There's so little work for them. I see him trickling into the stand-up clubs, and I'm like, oh, welcome to the gutter. Yeah, you got no cushy air conditioning anymore. You should be a writer or producer. You'll make, you know, a safer living, and now it's, I think it's the opposite. Stand-up, there's way more of a middle class. Yes.

Figure it out. You kind of make your own career. You can work when you choose to work. You got to be on the road a lot. We don't mind the road. We don't mind it. Luckily, I'm okay with the road. We did it when it sucks, so now when it's not that bad.

Good point. You know, we did it when we were in like a Super 8, so now we're in like a cool hotel. We're like, oh, this is great. Yeah. And I have a kid, so I've got to get out there. Do you do, like, corporate gigs, too? Sometimes. Yeah.

Good money. Yeah, those are good. Horrible gigs with great money. You bomb. You're going to go in knowing I'm going to bomb. But just get that check. And if you don't bomb, it's like, wow, that was cool. Because they're not there to see you.

So only like a quarter of them have seen you before on the web. and you're not, yeah. I've had corporate gigs where the guy is so pumped to have me. He's like, I'm a fan, do this joke, do that joke. And I'm like, oh, this is going to be a layup. And I still bombed. Yeah. Well, he liked you.

The rest of the same here. You get hired by the person who likes you. And then the rest of people are like, what the fuck is this shit? Right. I remember doing a kid's birthday for that once. Do this joke. I'm like, dude, they hate me. What do you, you know?

Wow, John Reap did it after you. But yeah, that's the last rape. Sorry. But you must get PA stuff all the time where they want you to pop down and say a few or, words. I do that. I got one where I got to go open the Delta Airlines First Class Lounge in Seattle where I literally like cut the ribbon. Wow. And got a nice chunk of change in my hometown, Seattle. Hey! At CTAC Airport where I was going as a kid and, uh, that's fun. But I do a lot where I, I, you know, because Soul Boom, the podcast I do is a little, is a little deeper, no offense. It's a little, you know,

we get into spirituality and mental health and yeah there's no drunkenness we don't talk about porn so much uh soul deep sounds like a black porn so deep okay soul boom so boom sorry but uh that also so i get i go to a lot of uh conventions and stuff talking about like mental health stuff and kind of you know being a human being what do you think your interest in that came from the the mental health stuff going going through a mental health crisis oh shit fucking miserable for years what made you so miserable do you think um well uh-oh we might be drunk part of it was drugs and alcohol but that was just part of it this was in the 90s I was in my 20s but I was just lost you know like drugs and alcohol for me they I just medicated my anxiety with them then later

like we were talking about porn, I use porn to medicate my anxiety. Like, it just doesn't work for me. And I just, I was, you know, they might be lost. I just was, yeah, I just struggled a lot. And a lot of like anxiety, loneliness, depression. I was trying to be an actor. I was dirt broke, you know, for a while I was living in this, like, I swear to God, I was living in an abandoned warehouse in Brooklyn.

Whoa. Just, and that, and that, And then in the 90s, there weren't many ways to kind of, like, what do you do? Like, I couldn't afford therapy. No. There's no podcasts. There's no apps. There's no meditation app.

Right. There's, like. There's booze. Yeah. And so when I was quitting that and trying to figure out my path, I started investigating spirituality. So I started reading about Buddhism and trying to meditate and reading, you know, because I thought, maybe if there's, if I find like life and purpose and God,

and the meaning of life, maybe this will get me out of it. And it helped. It didn't like solve things for me, but it was a, I'm kind of grateful for the journey. Yeah. Because it helped me put a lot of things in perspective. Did that help you kind of feel back on track? I mean, reading this stuff or did therapy help or medication? And eventually I started making a little money and doing TV and I was able to get into therapy.

And yeah, I did medication for a while. that helped and yeah and then I got into 12-step recovery and that helped as well and so you put it all together therapy and 12 steps and and meditation reading about spiritual ideas and you know just trying to kind of focus my life and like why am I here my next book is going to be on the meaning of life wow that's a lofty subject it is it is pretty good luck lofty what can you give a blurb like what what do you feel is the meaning oh I know what the meaning oh I know what the meaning Oh, wee. Residuals? The meaning of life, and I verified this,

I interviewed this Tibetan monk that it's been his entire life, like, meditating. Ticknod Han? It wasn't him. He's dead now, but I love Ticknod Han. Me too. You read his stuff? Yeah, he's good. He's amazing.

Yeah. He's amazing. But, and it's about service to others. It's all about service to others. That's it. Yeah. Because when you serve others, you become happier and you're making the world a better place. And if everyone is in a service mindset one to another, then the whole world is going to elevate.

Like all of these issues that we're having all these divisions and this toxicity is going to dissipate if we're living in a kind of a loving service mindset with ever deeper compassion to another. So how do we how do we accomplish that though when everyone is just being mean? or than ever on their phones. It's hard. Get rid of the phone. It's, well, yeah. I'm thinking about making my smartphone a dumb phone. Like a brick?

Well, I looked into that. I think there's another way to do it where if I give my friends my screen time password, so I don't have my screen time password. And then they do like, they take off the app store, and then they take off all the apps that I waste my time on, including like safari and email and news and YouTube and all that stuff.

So my phone is just like maps, podcasts, texts. Yeah. And that's pretty good. And that's it. Yeah. It sucks you get your news the same place where you get all the other bad stuff. Because it is good to be informed, but then I'm like, I'm getting the news the same place. I get porn.

I get death scrolling. I get shopping on Amazon shopping yeah right this is then this huge and there's part of the huge mental health crisis too is like this social experiment of like hey we're going to give everyone above the age of 11 yeah micro computer that can do anything that has constant endless distraction um you can look up anything Google anything order anything watch any kind of porn you want you want German Shepherd porn whatever it is it's all right there at your fingertips and we're just going to plunk one of these into everyone's pockets circa

2015 or whatever Yeah it's crazy We're just going to go Boom Here's hundreds of millions of these little devices And we'll never be bored again Because you always have your phone to look at And boredom is good

You need to be bored Boredom is good for creativity I mean you wrote up the Billy Joel doc And he would talk about How he'd go a little crazy because he'd have to kind of go into hiding to write, but that writing gave us some great...

Yeah, you've got to be bored. I mean, boredom is... God, I remember being bored as a kid and being like, this is probably good. Not at the time, but looking back, that was probably... Huge. I always say the phone is the only invention that's been amazing and helped our lives,

but you're also glad wasn't around when you were a kid. Yeah. And now with AI, like I think about kids, what if you're like 13 now and like you've got an essay due on the Renaissance or something like that? and you can just kind of be chat GPT, right, right, man. Yeah, of course, you're going to change it and this and that,

but you're not really going to learn about. No. How are we going to, how is teaching going to have to change? How is learning and schooling going to have to shift because of AI? Like my son's in college and I'm like, thank God he didn't have AI engineering. Exactly. Or high school. Like he had to actually research and write his paper.

Now he had Google. I didn't have Google. I had to go to the library. Yeah, same. Porn and the homoes. Yeah, and I'm the same way I feel the same way And even spelling

My spelling's gotten worse I used to be able to tell time In two seconds Now you go What is that? The six is on the four Because you just Your brain will go to convenience

Every time Oh do I remember using a calculator Used to feel like a piece of shit Yeah I'm cheating Yes! Now I'm like I don't even think

I'm like oh yeah Tip calculate You know something like that Did they have that with the abacus They're like man I'm fucking beating the system With this thing you know But yeah that's true

We just everything Remember how many phone numbers you used to know? Yeah. That's all gone. I still know a couple. I know a few. I don't even know mine. That's it.

Yeah. I know my mom. I know. I know. I know. I know. We do the same joke to each other. No, it is crazy because chat GPT, you get these shortcut answers.

And I immediately, like, it can be fun. Like, I was watching a movie last night. I was watching the tennis match you right yesterday. And I was like, oh, what's their head to head? I want to know what their sinner and Alcoraz. How are they do? And then I'm like, I wonder what a fetter and a doll's had that. You start doing that.

You're like, it's cool to get all these answers. Yes. But using that for your education as a kid, you just don't, if you're just using shortcuts, you don't have a understanding for the big picture of anything. You never have to dig deep. You never have to, I always say kids, if it's so good, they'll never be great. Why would I learn an instrument? I'll just AI, the song.

I'll make a song on AI. Or why would I write a novel? I'll just chat GBT it. Because if you love it, you will become obsessed, I think. I hope. Something like with stand-up, I think, like, if you, there are shortcuts, but, like, if you love it, you got to figure it out. I think kids will become obsessed with instruments or sports or anything. If you're good at something, you will pursue it.

I hope so. I mean, you watched probably the two best tennis players ever together yesterday. Yeah. What was their childhood? They're both in the top ten, definitely. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

For sure. On track, at least. And you get to see them in the flesh. Oh, my God. It was amazing. I was, like, 50 feet from the court. I'm so glad I hoard my. myself out. It was amazing. Good, good move. That was amazing. Wow. They're so good.

Damn. That was one of the, I was supposed to send in topics to you guys and that one of them was about tennis because I'm a huge. I play tennis. I love playing tennis. I'm pretty mediocre. But then I just feel like the average age of like a tennis fan is like in their like 60s or 70s. And it's like the really high income bracket. And it sucks because tennis doesn't have to be that. I mean, there's tennis courts at every high school. And every public park in America, and some of the greatest tennis players have come not out of the clubs, like Serena, you know, out of public courts and stuff like that. And tennis needs it like a rebrand. It needs a refresh. And maybe it's the way it's played or scored or something like that. But I feel like, it needs a happy Gilmore type of person because McEnroe was such a wild card. That I think that appeals. You need someone who's like kind of like.

John Daly. They have big personalities. Yeah. I mean, you're right. Everyone is very polite these days. You need someone who's kind of a headcase. And there was that woman who's kind of a headcase. Oh, you know who it is?

God, who is the guy? Medvedev, he's kind of a headcase. A little bit. Really? Kind of fun when someone. Nick Curios is too. Yeah. But he's done, right?

I think because of injuries he's kind of done. Yeah. I like the, I think you need that. Rivalries are good, but then you need, you need some color. You need some. Here's the weirdest thing about tennis. Let's say we're the two top tennis players in the world. We just spent three weeks going up through the,

the U.S. Open, we played our final match, and he beat me, just barely by the skin of his teeth, he beat me, and now there's 30,000 fans in the stadium, they stick a microphone in my face and give me the runner-up plate, and they want me to talk for two to three minutes. Yeah. There's no other sport where the loser has to talk first. Like, yeah, it was a tough three weeks, and you got to pull your shit together and not cry. And, like, and, uh, yeah, Mark or Sam, which one are you? You know, he really played hard and congratulations.

I'm just happy he knew her names at all. It's nice. I'm Theo Vaughn. So, uh, yeah, that's true. But it's such a sophisticated game and has that class to it where they can do that. Apparently, but I think you're right. We need more kind of off the wall person. I think you're right.

You also right with other sports like basketball. They kind of just like walk off the court. sad and later they'll interview them but they're like yeah but yeah i thought well the winner will get a microphone for like 30 seconds yeah we played hard tough tough team you know we played good defense congrats for everyone out there thanks and then blake griffin did you know dabbled and stand up a little bit and he's a funny guy yes and he did a bit where he would he would say oh we're so stupid athletes are so dumb come up here he'd bring a guy on stage he make him do a bunch of push-ups a bunch of uh jumping jacks and then he would put the mic and the guy would be like uh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh and

The guy couldn't speak. He was like, yeah, not so easy, is it? If you just played a whole game. That's funny. He's like, that's why we sound stupid. It was pretty, it was a clever bit. I like that. The UFC used to interview the guy that just got knocked out.

They don't do that anymore. Oh, really? Probably for the best. Yeah. But yeah, that's another great example. UFC, it's all trash talk. It's all hype. There's not really hype in tennis.

Yeah. Maybe that's what we need. You've ordered a Rihanna joke there, too. I want to give Marcus Flowers for that. Thank you. And don't talk to Rihanna after now. Hey, I'm up for a post-game porno interview. How'd it go?

How many orgasms? Did your ass hurt? Yeah, I almost cramped up at the end of that. But then when we got going, it was pretty good. Yeah, yeah. I wish my load had been a little bit. If you want to do this because you've got to hydrate. Hydrate at home.

Yeah, good gatorade. That's my new spot. Coconut water. Yeah, nut. You got some peaves here, Rainy. Ooh, a peeve is pets dying. That is, I mean, that's beyond a peeve. That's brutal.

Here's a hot take that's going to really alienate everyone from me. They're like, oh, I thought that guy was so nice. Can't wait. Well, let's hear it. If you get a pet, I have one. It's going to die. That's true. And you will be sad.

Oh, yeah. But can you be appropriately sad for the loss of a pet, knowing your pet is going to be around for 8 to 14 years Hmm What do you mean appropriately Because Like don't overdo it Wait you're queuing up the DJ Airhorn sound effect

What is it what the Oh Okay But people like What the hell There's so many people I've interacted with And like their cat Their 10 year old cat died

Yeah like Oh can you I'm not going to be able to make The wedding Because of the cat died Oh, right. Or my, I missed a week of work because our dog died. Or I've been, I've been depressed for two months because our dog, it's like they, they die.

We used to work on farms and animals just die all the time. Right, right. Or you'd kill, you know, the cow, Bessie, and you'd eat it. Yeah. Sure. So like the idea of like animals. Maybe there's people, they're eating the cow and they're like, I'm so fucking sad. I'm eating this cow, you know.

This is brutal. I'm not going to farm for two weeks because I'm. I mean, so I just feel like people have gotten really over the top around their pets dying. I'm sorry. And people will be like, I'm just so sad. My dog died. And I want to say, like, it's hard for me to have compassion. I'm kind of like, what did you think was going to?

I mean, of course, I always say, like, I'm so sorry. They're like a family member. But what if the dog dies at like three because it was hit by a truck? Do they get a bigger? That's part of the problem. Wrong, wrong. No, no. No, then you only had it around for three years.

All right. Are you guys in on this at all? Well, let me just say as a pet owner, can I push back? I'm a pet, I'm a huge pet owner. Oh, what do you got? Yeah, my wife and I have had like eight different pit bulls, and they die, and I cry, and I mourn, and then three days later. You're at the dog fight, you're like, look, he put up a good, put up a good fight. He did his best.

You and Michael Vic hanging out? Exactly. Of course you're sad I'm not saying that But it's like your life doesn't shut down And people like People have like We're using nervous breakdowns

You didn't want to go to that wedding That's my argument I'm using the pet death To get out of shit So I might not be sad and mourning But I've also talked to other people Like they can't get their lives back on track Oh these are losers

I mean these are just sad weirdos Yeah but I will then we have a nation of sad weirdos because this is a very common thing that's true that's true well people are lonely yeah I think you're allowed to be sad but I think there's a limit there's yes you can't you can't but what a great way you get a five-year-old girl and you get a puppy and it's a great way are you way are you going to someone's going to put in a joke about what's his name reep oh I missed it shit Reap almost sounds like rape.

Reap whistle. It's an opportunity to say. Sattatory reep. Isn't it an opportunity for a lesson about death? Yeah, sure, sure. Hey, in eight to 14 years, little, you know, sassy fluffy pants is going to die. Yeah. You know, like.

That's how life works. It's, yeah. That's why we do dog years. Because you go, oh, he was 78. Yeah. Right. He wasn't. He wasn't.

He was nine. He was just nine. That's a. Okay, that's a good one. I love your hot tinks. And I like that it's a bold piece. Yeah, you're willing to go for it. It's bold and it's going to get some pushback.

Okay, your second peeve, you like kids sexually? That's a hot today. The new phrase, welcome in. Everyone, everywhere you go, they say welcome in. Do you notice us? At a restaurant or something? Yeah, restaurants, but not just restaurants. Like you go in the airport lounge, like welcome in.

Welcome in. Everything is welcome in. Right. Never know. And you go, no, I went to Champs shoe store. They said, welcome in. It's like, don't, don't welcome me in here. I went to the abortion clinic.

They said, welcome in. What the hell? You haven't noticed that? Now that you say it, you're right. It sounds like it's something I've heard, but yeah, I guess I haven't even picked up on it. It drives me crazy. I think it's been this corporate mandate of welcome in. And anyway, I had a waitress the other day.

at a Mexican restaurant and she kept saying like she would bring her water and she'd go, enjoy and you're like, okay, thank you. Then she bring your food, enjoy. Which all makes sense, but I was like, she's saying enjoy after everything. It's almost like a tick. So me and my wife are sitting there and I'm a psycho.

My wife's like, let it go, drop it. I'm like, I'm just curious. So then I go, hey, well, what's the, what's the, it's a cold out today, huh? She goes, oh yeah, cold out, enjoy. And I go, aha! Ah, gotcha. You just, you're just on your robot on a loop.

Yeah. So then my wife divorced me But the point is I caught her And she hooked up with white fruits Yeah Only comedians could be annoyed by someone Be like enjoy

Like oh you fucking fish Something's wrong with you You gotta mix I'm crazy shit I knew it was a rote How dare you tell me to enjoy my food I approve But she gave me the check

And she said enjoy The check! You don't enjoy a pet Yeah That's a don't enjoy All right What do you got on the third one here? Well this is an obvious one

but, you know, I live in L.A. I used to live in New York. I lived in New York for 13 years and then coming back here, like, people using their phones on the New York sidewalks and subways, but also, like, the number of conversations happening on speakerphone. Oh. It's so interesting. Like, it's, they're here.

You can hear, like, they're like, yeah, well, she said she was going to be there at four. And you're like, oh, Aunt Connie is coming over at that time. And, like, there was, like, how does this serve anyone? There's no ear pods. And it, like, but the street noise, like, but that's the go to, like, it also, phones also work like this, right? No one does it anymore. No one does that anymore.

I'll do it occasionally. You know what I like doing it sometimes? So people like, you're just like, okay, I'm on the phone. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Because if you have the headphones in and you're like, yeah, yeah, what's up to someone? You want into someone. Good point.

You seem rude. But if you're clearly on the phone. They let you, they don't bother you. Right. That's true. The headphones can mean anything. You'd be listening to a podcast? I'm like, why didn't that person talk to me?

Yes, I definitely had that. But the speaker phone, and the other day I was like, I got on an elevator and the guy was talking on the speaker phone. It was just me and him in the elevator, and it was like, it was continuing. And then I was kind of looked at him and he looked at me and he was like, oh, sorry. And then he just turned it down. He turned it down like 20%. I was like, oh, thanks.

Yeah. I was just at a diner in Ohio, not bragging. and I'm in there waiting at the you know please wait here to be helped by the hostess and a lady comes in to pick up a takeout order and she's on the face time so she walks in dinglingling I know right that bitch cut me off and I said fuck you papa I had the the double egg burger whatever whatever and they're like oh here it is she's like thank you so then I'm like you can't cut the call off for six seconds to get the takeout order it's never an important call no it's a gossip call it's like he's done surgery

I know. Yeah, thank you so much. Exactly. And you're like, okay. Right, my pet died. He said that? That's crazy. Yeah, it's insane.

Now, could you, as a way of getting back at these folks, could you just start singing? Like show tunes or something like that? Yeah, I guess so, yeah. Just bring a microphone in. Just someone's on that thing. Midnight, not a sound from the pavement. You're a good voice.

Hey. And then they would look at you and go, what the hell? I sing a little bit. That wasn't bad. Let's do The Masked Singer. I fake it. Oh, okay. I should do the Masked Singer.

That's a big show. Just saying. How much does it pay? That scale. No, but it gets, you know, 80 million views or whatever. No, it does. I pull it up. 80 million?

Pull up Ann Hathaway singing. If I was, he's no slouch. If I was on the Masked singer, I would want to be the Dildo. You know, because it's always like the celery and the, and the, I've never watched it. They have phone. masks on. Oh, I see. That are like big characters.

Okay. You're like the gimp mask singer. Yeah. That's a good one. 27 million, okay. That's big, though. Wait a minute. So it's Anne Hathaway was under a mask.

Wait, wait, wait a minute. This is different. Corden. Oh, shit. They had the wrong guy, gal. Somebody big was on it. All right, we got to. We got to wrap it up because you got to go.

But soul boom. is the podcast. Oh, yeah. I'm going to check it out, dude. I need to get in touch with my series. Yeah, there's some, we've got some great comics on there, too. Rick Glassman. Yeah, Rick Glassman talking about.

Ed Helms. Yeah, and Pete Holmes. Oh, yeah. Casey, nice dad. I love that guy. Bribiglia. Nice. All right.

We'll check it out. Much class here. Sensitive whites on. Yeah. Exactly. We'd call it sensitive whites. I like that. Yeah.

Like my laundry. Well, we'll go give it a check It's awesome to meet you, man And check out, you guys, check out Code 3 please Yeah, check out Code 3 Yes, yes, of course We gotta get a little rel in here too, dude Yeah

Oh, get Rel! Hell yeah He's the best, he's got a fascinating story too Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, he's... We've known him forever. Yeah, he's a great guy, yeah That'll be out of September 21st, sorry.

Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure being Hey, this is nice. This is fun, man, they're not drunk. No, I'm sorry. I know you've got to go, but is this three separate photo shoots? This, this, and this? Yes. Damn.

It's pretty shitty Photoshop, honestly. He shoots kids, he knows everything. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry about that. Awesome, dude. All right, well, hey, soul boom. Code three, check it out, and we'll see at the open next year.

Thank you. Literally one of the most iconic TV characters ever. 100%. And a cool guy, man. I mean, the office is so. fucking iconic. Huge. One of the biggest

comedies ever and we had the big Kramer episode or the Kramer character. Dwight Shrew, man. Iconic. I mean,

that's one of the all-time shows. But he's right. We do need more comedies, but he's... Here, here. Rochester, comedy at the Carlson

all weekend, baby. Fun club in Rochester, New York. Chicago Theater, October 4th, can't wait. Winnipeg, the next night at a club

Regent Event Center. It's a me a good one. Then Riyadh, Barcelona, Milan, Dublin, Liverpool, London, Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin. November 14th through 16th, my second time in Salt Lake motherfucking city. Yeah. Wise guys can't wait, second time this year, baby. Reno Nevada, November 29th, two shows, and Carnegie Hall, December 4th, New York City.

Tickets today, baby. Yeeha. All right, folks, I will be in San Jose. make-up date this weekend. Then Boulder, Colorado. We've got three shows. We're shooting the special here. Come on out. It's a taping. Let's go big. Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, Athens, Oslo, Helsinki, Stockholm, and Dublin, Vicker Street, one of my favorite venues on the whole planet. Valley Center, California, at the Haras. Baltimore, Timonium, Magubis. Come on out. Two shows already sold out. Rochester, coming back to Kodak. Niagara Falls, San Diego, and Prior Lake, Minnesota at a casino. So all the Minnesota quefs that have been yapping, come on by.

Love you guys. Drink some bodega cat whiskey. Yes. Reigns podcast. And I love you guys. Yeah, thanks for everything. Comedy. Sunday's a day for my next fender.

A bit of fever wreck. You know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon. And Norman's talking. shit about the fucking poke and I get down in the same way up on the roof like a cop's

coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans this woman doesn't look like I remember her and I get down in the same way

we might be Oh!