We Might Be Drunk - Ep 252: Matt McCusker

Episode Date: October 6, 2025

Matt McCusker joins the boys this week for a wild one — fresh off taping his new Netflix special. They get into the chaos of recording hours, arena gigs with Shane Gillis, junkyard dogs, sticklers for the rules, the chili pad revolution, and why shower sex scenes are total lies. Plus, peeves, recs, and a deep dive into old-school internet filth like Lemon Party. Sponsored by: 💻 Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month Shopify trialhttps://www.shopify.com/DRUNK 🎧 Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD 🛒 Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ 🎬 Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets ⸻ 🎙️ Check out That Sounds Right — the comedy panel show hosted by the producer of WMBD:https://www.youtube.com/@thatsoundsrightshow Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #MattMcCusker #RocketMoney #CornbreadHemp #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey! Here we are. We're here, we're queer, we're back, baby. How you been? Good, good. I taped a special. I got that magical moment where it's in the can, but it's not out yet. Boulder, the magical, uh, untapped comedy market, huh?

Untapped, uncut gem. It's, uh, like my penis. It's incredible. No, I'm cut. Okay, good. Come on. I'm not doing a pod with a one cut. You don't like an ante eater?

That's all right. I cut my sons. Did you? Did it myself? You nibbled it? Yeah. Get a little bite. A safety scissor.

Put a little wine on, then you took a bite. They do that for the alcohol? Is that right? Alcohol on the wean right after they do it. Oh, really? What a weird. Remember Geraldo had that bed? He goes, I got invited to a brisk, you know, the circumcision.

What do you wear to that? I just wore a tie with the ensign. That's so good. Great little topical. Great. Not topical. One liner. Brist joke

With the herpes I'm trying to get herpes But if they have herpes They will pass them on to the kids I've heard that Yeah And then they shoot a load of the baby dick All over their face

Woo Hot start Yeah Hell of a start So did you know on Friday Like you text me and you were like I think I got it Friday pretty much right Ooh good pick

Ironically don't cut that All right Yeah yeah Friday was one show and it was like 85% sold. So I was like, this will probably be the bad way. There's always one clunker.

But there's, you know, you have kills for the camera anyway, right? That's true. That's true. But it just gets in your head. Like, this is what isn't sold out,

but it looked good. And that one was hot. And I was like, hey, that feels good. And then we went to bed, me and him hiked a mountain in the morning. Whoa. We got breakfast.

Got some sunshine, some vitamin D. Saturday early show. Lights out, white hot. Couldn't be better. Great crowd. The only unbelievable part of this is that Salakuse Hiked.

I don't believe this. This is crazy. Yeah, it was weird. I got photos of it. He's in jeans. He's holding a camera over his shoulder. That's like when you see the coyote. Yes.

The day you're taping a specialer like, fuck. I looked it up after. I was like, are there mountain lions? And they were like, oh, yeah. Really? Big Boulder Mountain Lion. No coyotes in Boulder, right? Not only California thing.

Some cougars there, I'll tell you that. Ooh, we're there? Oh, my God. Boulder, baby. I mean, I thought it was going to be armpid hair and crunchy. whores with dirty feet. It is hot moms with LL bean on and little

quarter zip-ups. It's a college town, too. Yes. College town's great comedies. Great comedy cities. That's true. That's true. And everybody warned me,

it's all quefy over there. You're going to bomb. They're going to be offended. They couldn't have been cooler. They were great crowds. Why don't they warn you about Boulder? I would think Boulder would be good. Well, they just said it's a college town.

It's very progressive and they're going to yell at you and, you know, throw paint on you. But it was fine. It was great. Great crowds, and then Saturday Late Show is a little tired. Yeah. But other than that... But you had it at that point.

Yeah, exactly. Between Friday early and Saturday early, you're like, I'm good. 100%. Yeah. Then it was like, fuck around, riff, crowd work, whatever. Do you get any magic moments on the late show? I had a couple riff things. I think people kind of clammed up because they were like, it's a taping.

So I was trying to egg them on and fuck with them, but they were a little tepid. I wonder if it helps that it feels like every show is taped now. That's true. It almost... It's true. But yeah, but you don't want to be... You don't want to be the person who gets dunked on in, like, a Netflix special. Right.

Because that does live longer. Exactly. Yeah, I was waiting to dunk on somebody. I was ready. Yeah, something good. But, yeah, but how long do you think it's going to clock in at? I'm going to say 53. That's a good time.

Yeah. As long as I'm over 50, I'm happy. Yeah, I think that's the number. Yeah. So I got some intro. Self-produced, too, and you're going to sell it, right? That's right. That's the plan.

That's the move. Hopefully. We'll see. The market is chained. I think Hulu threw that big wad of jizz out there and nobody... Ooh, that's a good pick. That's all sally. But...

Good shit. The amount I'm in my head in that moment is unbelievable. Yeah. You know that feeling like we're taping tonight. Yeah, but you got three. Doesn't it help that you know you got three? Three is big. Three is almost like...

I feel like two is fine at this point. Yeah, that's true. I've always overdone it. I did four last time. I'm like, what am I doing? By the fourth, you're like, am I just punishing myself? I'm just putting off the celebration. Right.

But then even at the celebration, you don't feel good if you're a comic because you're just like, I got to write another one of these. I know. It's hard to, like you did it. I'm like, I know, but the next one's, this was the easy part. When you're killing towards the end of tape in an hour, you don't even feel like a real comic. You're like, I'm a fucking hack. I know this works.

Yeah, but you got to get it down. You got to get it down, but you're like, you don't feel good. You're like, it should hit. And then if one line that always stops hitting, you're like, that fucking line used to hit. Yeah, of course. Well, I did three sets last night of like, hey, I'm back out there. I need to work on new stuff. Bomb City.

Well, yeah, as you should. Yeah. But it sucks. It sucks. You're like, how did I write an hour? How'd I do that? I just threw this shit on the table? You need something bad to happen.

Something bad will happen. And then you're like, there's a joke. All right. It doesn't have to be bad. It says to be like something. Something, you know, interesting. Sure, sure. All right.

Well, yeah. Well, we got it. And Boulder, I highly recommend Boulder as a college town, It's a regular town. It's pretty. How far from Denver? Forty-five minutes. Weird.

See you land and get on a bus. I was going to say, did they have a comedy club? But why would they have Denver? I know. They had a little comedy room in our hotel, actually. Really? Yeah, it was like in the basement. They had a little room they do stuff in.

And we got back from Saturday night. I'm drunk. And what's that guy's name? What was that guy with the long hair? Who? Oh, he was a comic. He was hanging out. Oh, I don't know.

Oh, he's super funny. Long hair, Denver, one-liner guy. It's kind of like the new headberg. Oh, give that a goog. I got to give this guy's shout-out because he's really funny. What's the Google? Denver One-Liner? Denver One-Liner, Long-Hare comedy.

Who opened the shows? Caleb Signing. Oh, yeah, he's good. Kill. That guy's ice in his veins. Yeah, I like that guy. So funny. It's one of those things where the crew was like, who is this guy?

This guy's great. Yeah. How big the venue? I'll think of it. I think it was about $9.50. It's great. This all sounds perfect. It was perfect.

It all locked in. So I had a gig the night before in San Jose, because Shane Gillis and I had the same gig night in San Jose. So I moved mine because he's Shane. And it worked out. So I was supposed to do San Jose in July. They moved it to the night before the taping. Best thing ever.

It all came into place. Yeah. Stars a line. Keep moving a gig. I hate it, too. There's some panic that I might, my agent was like, you might want to move Chicago theater because even if it sells out,

you would have to compete with the Cubs in the playoffs. If the Cubs make the playoffs, then they're like, fuck, I do have a dude audience. Yeah. You have to think about that shit. Oh, that's true. Yeah. But it's coming up, right?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's scary. By the time this comes out, I guess it's, this Saturday, I guess it'll be. We'll see. It'll be in the, yeah, we'll see if I moved it. Sorry if I moved it, guys. I don't want to.

Yeah. I'm probably going to tough it out. Sometimes it helps. helps to move it because then you get a little more time to sell. Yeah, but it's just fucking annoying. I have it routed with Winnipeg. It's just everything was kind of there for a reason. Yeah, yeah, the routing.

Mark had Bert going up against him at Red Rocks, which is just 25 minutes away. Yeah. And Soder was there too. Yeah. And Soda was there? And Soda was at the club, I think. And Tony Hinchcloth was shooting his special the same day.

And Theo Vaughn, in a different city. And Theo Vaughn was shooting his in New York. Different city doesn't hurry, yeah. No, I'm just saying, like, a lot was going on that weekend. Yeah, Theo had his thing at the beacon. And Milwaukee had a baseball game. Just brings up everything. The marathon was going on.

But you feel like you got it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I feel really good about it, especially after seeing the Theo reports. And I talk to Theo. Hopefully he's okay. He's fine. He's fine.

And he's a funny guy. He'll figure it out. But you want to go, hey, Netflix. This one went pretty well. Just saying, you're all. They're better by yours, man. I think they will. We'll see.

see well if not there i mean dude you got options yeah well i think you got fucking options dude don't get hung up on the one hot girl at the bar there's other there's other i got a like a fat chick yeah hulu hooloo loo's a hot fat chick yeah but i think hulu blew their wad booking all those guys and the numbers i think were below netflix and netflix is like oh we we feel even better now ironically yeah so yeah well you always got youtube as an option too that's true and like it could blow up youtube's the old you don't bring you don't diss the girl you brought to the dance or whatever. Yeah. Whatever that thing is.

Is you see Netflix stock? It's like Whoa! $1,193. Jesus. For sure. Yeah, is that really good? That's really good. Considering like two years ago it was like 200. But it's also way down it looks like. That's because that Black Rabbit shows stinks.

Is it bad? Oh, the dialogue is horrible. I like Bateman. Yeah, he's good. But I can't, I don't get it. That's a non-wreck. That's a non-wreck, baby. I got a wreck for you. Please. I think you're going to have the same wreck.

The movie? The movie. Yeah. One battle after another. See it in theaters, dude. I saw it in, I saw an IMAX in Rochester. It's one of those sad things where you're like, my shows are sold out. And I went to like an 11 a.m.

I'm like 15 people in there. Oh. I'm like, this is a good movie. I know. And IMAX. We saw it in 4D. Ooh. Yeah.

Hey. Hey. Hey, no, it's all good. It's up, man. Good to see it. We're talking about, have you seen one battle after another? No. The new movie?

It's good. Is that what everyone's talking about right now? It's damn good. Thank you, guys. It's a good one, dude. You got a BL if you need one as well. I'm good, thank you. Hey, hey, your wife looks different.

No, I'm just kidding. It's a white woman. Oh, nice. Yeah, go see it. It's incredible. It's good to see a real movie in the theater. It's not just a, Avengers 12.

But you know what's depressing is that they're like, this is a non-marvel movie, and it's got, you know, a real script and a real director, and they're like, how to do the box office? 20 million. Is that right? Yeah, it didn't do. I mean, globally it did a little better, but it's not like a huge, it was number one, but it's not like a huge hit. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, that happens, man. Give it a week. Let's give a little time. I think it's one of those word of mouth movies, though, because it's probably going to get some Oscar nominations. Definitely. Are people, is just causing any sort of like upper, are people like?

conflicting in opinions about this? No, I think people like it. It's just about, you know, it's two hours and 42 minutes, so people are kind of like, I don't know. And also, but it's like nonstop action, dude. It's pretty crazy. It's really good. It's just really a good movie.

Yeah. It's just really cool. And they do the right and the left, kind of. They're both extremes. Like, he's like a revolutionary. Then they show the right and they won't allow interracial marriage and all this shit. So it's, if that's the right, then we're in trouble. There's like these guys.

There's, like, a secret club of, like, underground people. We don't give it, but they're, like, insanely racist. But it's funny. It's, like, over the top. Yeah. It is a funny movie. Sean Penn is fucking unreal. He's going to win the Oscar.

Yeah. That's awesome. I didn't even hear it. I never heard about this. That's another Oscar he can melt down and give to the Ukrainians to turn into bullets. That's what he did with his other one. Did he really? That's what they said, yeah.

He also went to New Orleans on a canoe with a shotgun during Katrina. What was his plan there? I don't know. I think he was like, I'm going to shoot some kids or something. But everybody made fun of it. We were all in New Orleans on the roof crying. And we're like, get out of here, Penn. What are you doing?

That's cruel. I guess he could rescue like three people. Yeah, I guess so. There he goes. He's helping him an old black guy. There you go. That's nice. You probably needed a shotgun to navigate for like animals and stuff.

You know what I mean? I guess. That's what you want to call him. But good Lord, man. You don't even need a plane. Just go down there. You take a few pictures and people are like, he's a good guy. That's true.

You don't. need. Didn't he fuck with the cartel too? Didn't he go down in the tunnels with what's his face? He did an interview with El Chapo that ended up getting El Chapo found and arrested. I think he went to Venezuela too and was kicking it with Hugo Chavez. Oh man yeah he's done a lot of

he's done a lot of weird shit that's crazy wow and he couldn't keep that girl what's her name? Robin Wright Yeah, hot lady that's how hard women are you can make a deal with El Chapo but your wife he's like I don't know what you want. This doesn't seem like an easy guy.

Like, hey, we're going to see a movie I'm going to go into Ukraine again. That's true. He's just smelting an Oscar to, yeah. I wonder if anyone got killed by an Oscar bullet. Oh, good question. Yeah. I wonder.

They got to get nominated for I Am Sam. There's more ammo. Jesus. Don't go full retard. Yeah, well, maybe he has to keep getting more Oscars and support the war effort. Yeah. You've got to double down. Double down?

High rec. You loved it too, right? Yeah, it's amazing. Beniso Duturo, funny as shit, too. So, it's funny. Really good movie. We won't give away too. Salt in 4D. Have you done this yet?

No. Where you get, like, your legs tickled and stuff? They blow water on you. They jizz on your face. Like, the seats go up and down with the road and everything. So when you start the car, it goes like, oh, it's so cool. How'd you like it?

I loved it. I thought it was going to be a dumb gimmick, but it was added a lot. That's awesome. so damn highly recommend so i saw the movie spotlight like that and uh bad idea i saw boys all right okay yeah same jokes i saw moonlight in 4d oh really cranked me during the scene they crank you off you get sickle cell he went all in so when's a special come out october 7th hey mazzletov thank you man on netflix yeah hell yeah yeah coming out october 7th a humble offering so yeah it's uh I feel like you wrote that quick.

I, dude, you know what? When was the YouTube? The YouTube was, I like lose track of it now, but I feel like, I say it was two years, I feel like. YouTube came out two years ago, and then I just kind of just hit the road right away with like kind of nothing, honestly. It was kind of criminal. But the, uh, kind of figured it out. And then by, you know, the YouTube was just like all of my old stuff that I just wanted to get rid of. So there wasn't really a rhyme or reason to it.

And then this was the first time I got to actually like, like, oh, you need like a cohesive hour kind. kind of, and then just kind of put it together, and then, you know, I was done with it. Congrats, man. Thanks, that's big. Yeah, you know, I'll be curious to see everyone's saying that. And I'm like, well, we'll see. You know, it could fade into the ether, but we'll see what have it. As long as you get that top ten, I think you're mad.

Yeah, that's the big thing. I feel like they're making less specials, though, too. I think it's a good time to be out of it. Yeah. I was supposed to come out in January, and they bumped it up, so I was like, that's cool. Oh, that's a good sign. Yeah, I was, I was like, that's promising. Boy, it looks good.

Who shot that for you? Tyler Falbo It's fantastic looking Yeah, he did a fantastic job And ever Yeah, they did an awesome job Where'd you tape it? Uh, the Ontario Improv

Oh, interesting A lot of people Trying to talk me out of that Yeah They were like, Yeah, you're like, yeah, I'm positive It's big right It's like 500

Three, no, it's like 350 maybe But it's like a, it's the old improv Kind of thing So it looks like a, it's not like the big cavernous Improves, it's like an old club It was, it was, and they really churched it up They did a good job Yeah, it looks like a, it's like a, it's like a,

really set design killed it hell yeah yeah man it's you know it's done so how'd you like that editing process huh dude it's i actually saw what you're seeing there too i i i cracked my head day the first day filming what a lot i did a outlet like a very long and drawn out intro that's all my pov and i didn't even like it was a you know i get like a camera guy who's like my body double doing it and i there was one scene i was like dude let me just do this one scene And they were like, dude Tyler was like, I never let actors work. It was like, you have to know how to use the gear. Yeah.

And I was like, I was in bed with my wife. And I'm like, bro, I don't want like body double. Like I'm supposed to be like, you know, whatever. And, um, and I wore it for 10 minutes. And then I like kicked my leg and the rig just cracked me in the head. And I had, so they had to like, like, CGI a cut off my head. What? Yeah, kind of.

For the whole special? Like for the second. I filmed two nights. So one night it was fine. I filmed the other night. And it just, I had like four lines. I bet the second night was. the night too. The second night was the night. Of course.

Was the night. I was on stage with like, it was like a cut just caked in makeup. Whoa. So I had to just kind of soldier through and then, you know, they used the movie magic and I didn't know we could see GI shit. You can see GI a wound off the head. Whoa, that's good to know. Damn. Yeah.

But, you know, now people look for it. The guy that's actually crystal clear right here, but. Right, right. But yeah, that was, I had to like go. It was like it was kind of a pressure cooker moment, man, because I like, you know, everyone's like, they're trying to like film my head to be like, Nah, it's good, it's good. And then they'd be like, more darker makeup, less makeup.

Oh, well, and I had to tell them like, yo, just let's let it rock, man. We'll figure this out after the fact. Did you think about going, hey, I did this, like, just bring it up? I thought about it, but he would have taped one without it. Yeah. Yeah, but then, exactly. And then it's like, I feel like if I had taken off the makeup too much, it would have been just like, it was hard not to stay. It was in the front of my head.

It was like a, it was like a, they had to put liquid bandage on it to get to stop bleeding. Damn. So, yeah, I, like, for real rocked myself. Yeah, shit. And it was for a sketch at the beginning of the special. Yeah, it's like totally unnecessary. Way too, in a way too long intro. I'm like, this for that thing, everyone's going to skip through to get to the fucking hour.

Yeah, it was a bit of a struggle because they were like, we should shorten it. And I was like, no, man, it's got it was like a minute and 40. Oh, my God. But it's action-packed. It's action-packed. I think people are going to like it. No, I do. There's something about it.

Like, you see an old one like Gary Shanling and Joan Rivers are like shooting the shit. And she's like nagging to me. You're like, this is kind of cool. I don't know. I'm a big intro. I like the intros. Have you done an intro? I did an intro my last one.

I did the drone shot of me running. I like an intro too. I'm with you. Yeah. I did one once. I did a Barney Green. Oh, that was a great one. Bernie Greengrass.

That was great. That was great. It was great. I was great. I'm like eating a bagel and I pick up like an old lady and Barney Greengrass and I take her to bang her. And that's a very important for a special. Yeah.

It worked though. It was fun. You get to feel like, you know, I didn't like even directed or do anything. but you get to kind of feel like, you're like, yeah, I'm like making a movie here. Yeah, yeah, a minute long thing of me. Like, it was kind of cool when Ari would do that in those storytelling things

where he would just do something insane. You're like, it is cool. It is kind of. It helps. So I got to ask you, talking about making shit, the cartoon. Yeah. Tell us about that because we're trying to do a puppet show

and no one likes it. So then I saw you do that, and I was like, it feels like it's cooking. It's getting some steam. It was at first. So the first two did pretty well. And then the third one, there was a lot of like blurred out cartoon penis in there and I you know I don't want to be a guy who has a low view YouTube videos like yeah I'm being shadow band obviously I wondered if that kind of or you know people just genuinely were like no we don't like this I can see the right wing like oh we got to make everything gay you know I like you're doing different shit I remember you tell me about that animation was like a thing you're passionate about like when I saw you in Austin you know I like I like writing more I like writing so it's like if it's for a book or whatever I just like to

right and animation was like well this is like a I thought it'd be a quick way to get ideas out there it takes animation takes forever yeah it takes forever and you watch it so many times that by the end of it you're just kind of like dude like I don't even like this anymore and then you see it and I go that's pretty awesome

yeah it looks really good I mean that's why we went puppets because the animation took too long so and I co-wrote them with my friend Pedro Salina so I gotta give him a shout out because he this this one Notary Republic Fort Lauderdale was about a notary Republic who can't read but he can only smell documents and that was Pedro's idea

but that was like one of my favorite ones so hell yeah but that was kind of my idea like let's throw them out there and see if we can come up with an idea that might be developable so did you think hey Netflix

we got the special and might as well might as well pick up the cartoon as well that was kind of my plan but I don't think it's happening yeah they're cunts over there but no I mean we'll see I don't know

I mean did you ever see the original Rick and Morty like the pilot that kicked off Rick and Morty I have seen the pilot Is it just the first episode? Sorry, I shouldn't even say pilot. It was like a sketch that kicked it off. And it's literally, it's like, it's like the dumbest video.

It's just the guy, the old man, trying to get the boy to like touch his balls. What? And it's like, it's just like a, yeah, I think it's this thing. It's like a five minute thing. And it's just him being like, touch my balls. Wow. And they bought it. They were like, this is genius.

Look. Ah, man. The commentary on these fucking videos kills me. I know. guys real quick just fucking play it yeah that show first two seasons I thought was so funny and then it just out of nowhere it got kind of felt like it was like a whole new

writing staff or something didn't he got canceled or something the guy yeah Harmon I think they both did for like a minute well Dan was I think he's back oh okay this isn't it it's like a it was like a short it was based on a short that was just like

him getting the kid to do something lick my balls or something and it's like a poorly produced, like, apparently that sold the idea, I guess. Wow. It's a different time. Is it an adult swim who bought it? I believe. I think so. They're in the weird shit. I mean...

That's true. And then South Park did so well, maybe they're like, hey, let's ride the train. That's what everyone wants a new South Park, honestly. Yeah. Because if like Yeah, it's like, wait. This looks poorly done. It's It's something like this, yeah. Wow.

It's also crazy. It's just Back to the future. Yeah, exactly, right? It's just like everything's got a thing it's doing. Yeah. Literally wearing the outfit from back to the future. Yeah, and he's like, in order to go back in time, you have to lick my balls. It's just a whole idea.

Wow. That's great. Also, the plot of the movie Spotlight. But yeah, man, you know, I've just been trying to do just like, you know, different stuff. For me, that's the goal. It's like I'd like to just write, honestly. Yeah, you seem like a doer. You seem like you want to make shit.

Make stuff and write. Yeah, I'd prefer that. Are you not a fan of the road and all that shit? I like it. But it would be nice to, like, have a scaled back version. You know what I mean? If you could just do, like, 12 cities one month, that'd be nice, rather than having to, like, do it constantly and be out and a lot of a lot.

You got kids. Exactly. Yeah. But you must have done the road pretty hard to gear up for this, right? Yeah, I was doing, like, it was like two to three weekends a month. Nice. So, and I did it. I like a pretty long stretch of it, but nothing.

Some people go out and do, like, for, two weeks and they're i i just do like two days and come back that's what i do yeah it's kind of the move do you do you do you sit city sets yeah wait what like in the city like in austin do you around during the week yeah not as much as i should but i still i still pop out i've been like now that i have to come up with this new hour i just wait until like i absolutely have to do it then i start my god yeah i got to figure it out so now i've been i've been doing a lot more because now i'm like i'm still i'm gonna start touring again like pretty soon so yeah do you feel like give a fresh amount of stuff

sort of dude yeah it's the hard part it's well what I always did it I always just did like a what it worked for the this one is like when I put out that special while I was like

getting ready to film and I started doing new material show so I would do like a show where I'd be like I'll do it all new 10 minutes and you have other comics do 10 and then you do like five or six of those shows and you start to cobble together like at least something yeah and then you take that on like a decent

45 on the road and figure out there's always someone on those shows who's doing old shit oh always dude it was one guy I saw that shit on family Yeah, I saw on a letterman And I always say, look, no, it's like a newish, like do something you're working on But it is kind of the honor code because people will start murdering and you're like, all right

We talk about this all the time back in the day at mics when you're doing it a bit. Mark would always say, I can't tinker to Mike because, you know, like they've heard this joke, but I'm just changing it slightly, I'm changing the word choice. And I feel that way, though, yeah, the comedy seller will do new joke night that Wilson will host and it's a great show. yeah but now everyone wants on it so we started with like seven eight minutes sets now you get on it's like four minutes but that's enough to just do the new shit one thing yeah but i like to try the new shit versus an old bit just to know where it stands yes yes that's why like if i'm doing a road set i'm like okay let me just slide in one old and you're like fuck the old one killed and the new one's not because it kills on a new joke show but that's against other new shit

yeah it's a good litmus test though to be like all right i'm getting a laugh but yeah how this is because it is funny because you're like oh this is working but then their expectations are kind of lower because they're like like, oh, it's a new joke. They'd hit him with something tried and true. And they're like, oh. Yes, exactly. So I just taped my special this weekend, and I went out yesterday with some new ideas. Bomb Fest. Boy, and you're like, I suck.

How did I write those? Dude, I've been bombing hard. I've been going to the mothership. I'm like, just put me in the little room and just let me just die on that stage. But I've, I'm starting to figure out. And, you know, again, it's like just enough to go to, like, clubs. And I try to work on it there. And, you know, but it's.

The words, you're pretty well known. So you walk up and they're like, hey. Hey, here we go. And then he's trying to do it. They're like, oh, we liked you. It all depends. It's like, yeah, sometimes when I first moved down there, they'd be like, you never know who's going to pop up.

And the crowd would be like, who the fuck is this guy? And then there'd be one guy be like, I fucking love it. Yeah, that would be a rough way. You made that dude's night, dude. I turn on him and I'm like, shut the fuck up, dude. It is, uh, no, it's hard, man. It's hard to start. But I feel like the comedy crowds now cuss a podcast and stuff.

At least a lot of the comedy fans are like, nah, this is part of it. of the process. This is cool. So some people like watching new bombs. That's true. That was kind of, I mean, dude, I've watched some of my favorite comics bomb and I'd be like, I've ever seen Rock have rough sets in the cell. Oh, yeah. This is incredible.

Yeah. Like, no one, so few people get to see this side of him, you know? That's true. Because he'll be great in like a week and a half. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For this, I've, like, I had to really, yeah, I just like get out there and be like,

all right, I'm going to kind of eat it for a little bit. And then, you know, yeah, because you are like, although it's, I think it's so much more fun man like trying to figure going up and be like i have no idea if this is going to work for me it brings me back to like earlier on we're like oh shit i don't know if it's going to work or not then like then you bomb me you're like i fucking hate myself yeah and i feel guilty like that guy paid a ticket and bought eight beers and i'm like up here like oh is this uh uber's weird and he's like ah what did i do i waste my night on this guy the worst is when you do some old shit and they're like hey you're working out up there huh and you're like what no that's

It's like my A material. Yeah. Yeah. It's nice. Someone, yeah. It was a taping. Yeah.

It's like, it's nice to see you work. It's like, yeah, whatever. But no, it's fun though, man. That's how that, you know,

that's how this hour just came out of like, I like recorded that earlier special on YouTube and I called Shane. I was like, dude, should I like do clubs or just like, wait?

He's like, oh, let's go do them. Just go do them. Who cares? And then like, he's like, that's what I'm doing. And I'm like,

I'm like, all right. And I like scheduled all these dates And three weeks Three weeks later He was like Fuck dude I don't know what the fuck I don't know what the fuck

I base mine off yours man Yeah I saw But it kind of is the move Just like just rip it I need it I need to have like the pressure Otherwise I won't do it Yeah yeah

Hey I think we're doing some of those Those arenas with Shane In December Oh yeah Yeah I'm jumping on a few of those That's they're so fun It's so fun It's like drinking 20 minutes

You know decent paycheck Nice hotel Fun City Yeah Yeah, the round two is crazy I never, I only ever did that with him It's crazy he's selling that many tickets That's, because that's like two shows

Kind of, right? I know, dude, it's crazy Yeah, yeah, true And it's easier than you think I thought the round would be like this like nightmare to do But I think it's easier than like When you do the straight up arena Where you're on a humongous stage

Just facing people I, that like, I, you know, that's tough But like when you're in the round for some reason I don't know why it feels easier Because it's like You're just like, you know, here This is like, you're in like seven comedy clubs at once And you're able to just be like, I'm in this one, I'm in this one.

I feel awkward rotating that weird, like, I've been this way too long. Yeah, you go four. Well, none of us are like mover comics. Right, right, right. We're kind of like in the pocket just like chilling, you know? Yeah, I kind of wait until I get a laugh and then I turn around. I'm like, I'm out of here. Because, yeah, otherwise you turn into, like, you're like a minute hand on the clock.

You're just kind of like, let me give this punchline to the Northwest over here. Yeah, yeah. Let me rotate. I want to face Mecca for this one. Yeah. But then I'm like, guys behind me. I don't know, I feel weird. But they got the screens.

They got the screen. It is crazy. Like, I did Grand Rapids with him and it was like 18,000 people. I was like, this is insane. Yeah. There's not that many more people in the city. Dude. Yeah, no, it like, for real, like messes up the city itself.

Like, they'll be, it'll be like traffic and stuff because of it. It's pretty cool. Yeah, that's right. I did one, I think I told you this, but I did with Reggie Conquest, you know him. And he was so nervous in the green room. He's like, oh, God, I'm freaking out. I'm never done an arena. We're like, you're going to be fine.

you got good jokes, just tell the jokes. He goes up and he goes, hey, good to be here. I'm from Philly. Boo! That boo within like eight seconds. His biggest fear is happening. And then he goes, what the fuck, guys? So is Shane.

Boo! So he's two booze deep and like... He's like so on black. They're like, boo! Yeah, bombing in those things does feel like... It's hard to even... Because you can't even... Like, in a club, you're pretty like...

You can literally feel laughs and not. In an arena, you're just, like, you're just drowning. You're like, because you'll hear, technically, there are thousands of people laughing. Right. You're like, it's not enough. Right. This is a bomb. It's, yeah.

It is crazy to because I've done a bunch with Sandler, and I go up and I get no pop at all. And then I'm like, I'll bring up like Kevin Neal or someone. They're like, oh, my God. Yeah. Like any SNL guy from that era, Tim Meadows, they go fucking ape shit. Oh, yeah. And it's like, yeah, they grew up watching these guys. Yeah.

They're in the same world. It's a different thing. I was like, I didn't even like, like know about the pop for a long time i was living in innocence then yeah you do some shows you're like oh wow that's yeah you get your like kind of social worth score just kind of yeah right there yeah yeah yeah yeah can't think too much about it no i feel like people get a little you know it's a it's a it's a thing people get yeah it'll be fine yeah weird about the pops was there the big pops yeah oh yeah thunderous i saw it at i was at a long time ago was that drake and future did a concert

together i don't know if they're still buddies they might they might have had a falling out and uh nobody like people didn't like future really he didn't and that was like because they didn't they didn't like really clap for him that much and then drake came out and everyone was like and i was like oh that could i could see that causing a little yeah sure maybe that's you know not buddies anymore because of it

what the hell's future saying what's his tune i don't know him is he the one that bang larsa pippin yeah oh oh that gets a pop for me that's such a boomer way to know him he's the one who bought the 90s bull's wife yeah pippin man the pippin family man that's like out of like a tragedy

the jordan's I know I think Michael Jordan's son might have also had sex with Scottie pippin's wife yeah they were dating I think yeah holy shit yeah there was like a huge that that was like I you know I fucked your bitch and my Gucci flip flops was like a huge line and it was about Scotty Pippin's bitch I believe

damn flip flop fuck she banged a lot of NBA she banged someone who was on the team with Scotty Pippin Jr. Really? So it's weird that you're a teammates with the guy who's like,

I fucked your mom. Wow. Yeah, that's not a good locker room. It's not a good locker room, five. It's not a good locker room. Who is that who came out and he said he fucked

all the Kardashians, including the mom? Kanye? Is it Kanye? No, it wasn't Kanye. Oh, no. Some other guy, but well, oh man, that's the mom?

That's Larsa Pippin. The mom? Yeah. Of Scotty Pippin. Scottie Pippin Jr. Scotty Pippin. Skype him's wife He must have cheated on her so much though in the 90s

This is like the whole revenge tour Oh interesting Yeah that's also you know It's live by the sword die by the sword There he is future Tristan Oh man they didn't know they had They're pretty organized with this

Is this all the guys that had sex This is Oh my lord Oh no Marcus Jordan People magazine shame on you guys Man bodycount dot com Jeff Kobe Jeff Kobe

Now we're going to like G league Damn. Caitlin Clark. Wait, what? Damn, dude. That's an insane article. That sucks when you're... That's the ones we know about.

Exactly. When your ex-wife is hot and she has an appetite for that, she's going to get it. Of course. That must suck if you're Scotty. Because he seems like he's like spiraled a little bit. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Poor bastard. He was also a second fiddle kind of guy, too. That's a great second fiddle to be. Sure. Yeah. Can you pull up the guy who banged all the Kardashians?

Sure. Yeah, I'm curious who that is now. I don't know if it was Ray J. That feels too easy. But it was some guy. Some rapper. That's like the Thanos. No one person has had sex.

Oh, he said he did it. No. Damn. That seems like too hard to accomplish. Yeah, I don't think it's... Getting the mom in there, too, is a tough one. Yes, but she looks damn good. The game says he has slept with most of the

Oh, my bad. And the visual. Yeah, we can get the people. Okay. Which one is that? I think that's even one of them. I don't know who that is. I think that's thinking about.

Oh, fun. This guy's doing all right. Is he the guy who made the gay jokes? No, that was the baby. That was the baby, yeah. Baby made my baby. We sound so fucking uncool on this podcast. Wait, which one is future?

No, the baby. That's the one. Yeah. damn the game had a moment though he had some cool tunes back in the day really i like i like yeah he had like the hated of love with the underdogs on top yeah he remember that one yeah he was like 50 cents yeah he was like 50 cent came out and they were like all right let's let's get you know he was like a kind of another 50 cent kind of thing tougher they 50 cent was such a tough guy I was like well it's crazy right he was such a badass

yeah he was you got shot nine times like you can't say you ever fantasize about surviving like being shot, I do it all the time. All the time. Would you get like a tattoo about like where all the bullets were? I'd have a fantasy about that a lot of just being in some sort of like, you know, like work situation or something where like

you have to take your shirt off and they're just like, holy fuck that guy's been shot. You have like all the bullet holes and you put like spider webs on them or something. Right. Just walking my dogs be like that'd be so fucking cool. I think I could survive nine punches though. Nine bullets is insane.

You know how lucky you are that that didn't hit. Yeah, that's true. But he was also like a fucking, I mean, he's huge. He's a fucking man. Yeah, he's a man. True. Yeah, he's... Nine bullets is insane.

Where, where are they away? Yeah, what happened? I don't know, man. He looks pretty clean. I know. I'm looking at a bullet wounds there. Trying around the bullet wounds. Maybe he tatted over him.

That's what I would do, honestly. Yeah, he would not have had this career if, like, one just hit the spine and he's just in a wheelchair. That's true. A lot of it's a swag. Yeah, if he got shot nine times and it showed severely, that wouldn't be good. Oh, shit. Yeah, one of them hit his cheek. Oh, shit.

Damn. He used to also bang Chelsea Handler. Yeah. Which is also hard to do. The good thing about fucking Chelsea Handler is you know she'll get an abortion. She does not want children. You know some of her insults hurt almost as much as a bullet, too. Yeah.

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So we have some peaves and wrecks from Oh yeah Oh you bought them? I do I got some peeps I got some peeps here we go Hey it was funny too because I was like I don't know I don't really, nothing really, and as soon as I started thinking about them, I could have listed like 40 million.

I love it. This is exciting. This is a lot. I got a lot of peeves. Sticklers for rules. That was the first one. That was me just like kicking stuff around. Yeah, actually, I don't like sticklers, man.

Like, when people are being like, yeah, that shit fucking pisses me off. Yeah. My wife's a stickler. She'll get me, she'll stickle me on some shit. And I'm like, yeah, it doesn't matter. It's like, well, we need to do it. And I'm like, just fucking ignore it. Why?

Why? And then sometimes I'll be wrong. It'll blow up in my face. I'm like, fuck. like women are more likely to be sticklers you know what she does she'll be like in a good way too yeah you need a little structure you do you do sometimes she'll hit me with like I'll be driving

she'll like do you have your driver's license I'm like no you need it it's like no I fucking don't nothing's going to happen she's like you should have it on you when you drive wow but but it sounds like you're a good pair yeah we are because you need one of them we do and then I can be like a stickler it's actually yeah because I'll like show up to get like my driver's license you have like three forms of

ID I'm like they don't give them a fuck And sure they definitely do And I'm like, this guy's a fucking asshole Fuck this guy I just got a new ID and they were like Do you have a W-2? I'm like no You have to leave then

Like what? I've been waiting for two hours I got to go back the next day I got a new ID recently And they spelled my name You know Mick Cusker But they space It was MC space

CUSC yet And I showed my wife She goes They're not gonna let you Blah blah blah And I'm like It's not going to affect anything Fucking relax

And like We got rejected For some weird tax thing we're doing. Trust your license. I was like, fuck. Every time I fly United, for some reason I can't change. I'm Samuel E. Morel on my license.

For some reason, it just saved Samuel A. Like, the E is part of my first name. And they wouldn't let me on. I'm like, I've called. I've changed the thing. They're like, we can't. I'm like, clearly you see there's an error here. Like, clearly, clearly I'm this person.

And they're like, they wouldn't let me. It was like a whole thing I had to go through. Wow. Yeah, that shit gets me so mad. When I'm like, when it's like, dude, you know. Like, you're holding me up on some bullshit, dude. To be fair, I wouldn't let a guy named Samuel L.A. Not quite either.

Can we have a guess what E stands for? Yeah, go for it. You got anything, Mark? Ernest? No, thank God. Edward? Eric? That'd be a cool.

It's Elias. Oh, I've never gotten that. Yeah. I used to lie to people and say I was named after Defoe and Platoon. Because it was Private Elias, right? So I was named after Defoe, and they're like, that movie came out the, I'm like, yeah, That doesn't matter. They don't worry about it, dude.

That's a lie. But he was a cool character. DeFoe, huge dong. Packing heat. Pack and heat. They have to CGI his dong bulge out of some movies. Are you serious? Yeah, that's how big his dong is.

Why didn't they let it ride? Because they said a large run, I think we're saying, it would have messed up the scene. That's how big it was. Too distracting. Yeah. Whoa. Is that his dick? Oh, that's a limp.

Okay. That's a big limp dick. Ah, I thought it'd be bigger, to be honest. It's pretty good. All right. But he is a short guy. That's true. I mean, think about how shocking it would be to see a guy that short with like a...

I don't know, man. That could have been him, like, completely shrivel. Well, okay. And he's uncut. Yeah. Yikes. It is funny. Yeah, judging flaccid penises is tough.

You also really let yourself, you're like, that's a big flaccid dick. Then you have him like, that's not that big. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Trust me. It's bigger than mine. I bought it the strap a couple times. That's why I'm like, you know, it's a dick. It's way bigger than mine.

I just thought it would be bigger just by the bulge. I had a bit about this about his Like how they had to hire A body double for this I'm like some struggling actor Got a call from his age And I'm like dude

We booked you the part He's like which one Hamlet He's like no small cock Ha ha ha ha ha that's funny All right Let's all these I mean backseat driving That's brutal

Yeah That shit fucking fires me up And again Sometimes I will be about to miss an exit And I'll be like I fucking know Shut up And then I'm like, fuck, thank God.

Yeah, yeah. But yeah, that'll get me going. My wife is a backseat driver and a horrible driver. Yeah. So I'm like, why am I taking advice from you? True. You can't drive. I'm both of the things.

I'm a terrible driver. And I'm, I never, so out of respect to the driving community, I don't drive. Yeah. I have a license, but I don't want to be, because I've been in that situation where I'm driving so poorly that people are like, you fucking idiot. I'm like, I know. I'm sorry. Yeah.

I have to just take it. Right. But yeah, but I try to keep my mouth shut up. I'm a big phantom breaker. If I'm in the passenger. I'm like, I do that shit a lot. I'm like, interesting.

Do you stop short? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I always feel that kind of makes me feel good, though, when I'm like, whoa. Yeah, it does feel good. That's how I met my wife on a bus. All right. Got the tits.

Got some titty. Saved her life. When stuff's all over the floor. You seem like a neat guy. I'm actually, no, I'm kind of a mess, but like, really? I used to work, I used to paint houses and like, you know, when you're painting, you have all these different paint buckets everywhere.

You can get to a point where, like, you can't move anywhere and like dude it makes me oh yeah or like toys on the floor for my kids if there's toys everywhere i'll be like once once i can't walk like i can have shit like stuff out everywhere doesn't bother me if it's on counters if it's on the floor it like freaks me out yeah i get that then you step on that lego and that kid's getting a wallop yeah have you had that moment yeah oh yeah oh dude i kid all these has all these uh fruits like made out of wood like a little piece of fruit like so you can chew on and whatever you step on half of It stinks.

Oh, dude, yeah. We have a lot of unicorn stuff, and it's like, you catch a unicorn horn, dude. Damn, you got a gay kid? You have two kids? Yeah, I have two little girls. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, we got a lot of unicorn. All right.

I didn't hear that until that. Just checking. No. My brother had my little pony, and my dad was like, oh, here we go. Did he nervous? Yeah, but he turned out normal. Really? Straight.

That's nice. Just joking. What about kings? Yeah, like, it might be some kink in there, though, if it's like a little pony. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably like a unicorn.

up his ass or something but yeah he loved my little pony that's funny there's going to be some study like what what you play with as a kid is going to lead to something i don't know oh yeah i was i was a big barbie molester i'd find barbies and i was yeah i was yeah i was yeah i was kind of disgusting oh wow that's funny my brother was a kid molester so no i'm kidding that's why he had the my little ponies yeah yeah oh wow so this is yeah my little pony yeah well yeah there really is porn on anything i know it's crazy Damn, see if this, we might be drunk porn. Just me and Sam blown each other in real life.

Remember the lemon party? Yeah, that was awesome. Which one's that? Oh, shit. What is it? You want to tell them or should I? Lemon party? Yeah.

You never seen lemon party? It's pretty cool. What is it? It's a classic. Oh, God. Oh, it doesn't come up anymore. What? You got to go lemon party.org.

There you go. Yeah, it was cool. You'd like send it to somebody They'd open it You had to say Are you serious? They didn't have all this stuff before I agree

Oh they got rid of it Someone bought it So what is it? Oh dude It was a website If I'm thinking of the right one There it is There it is

Oh they colored over Oh I have yeah I have seen this Yeah So you were to say You'd text I blocked it out Thankfully

You'd open it up And there's a bunch of old men Blowing each other Yeah You know anyone That ever sent that To their dad Oh God no

I never Yeah, I never, I didn't ever have the courage. My friend in church... I don't think my dad would find the humor in this. No, he was spas. My friend in church, one time, you know, like the... If you go to Catholic Church, you do the sign of peace and shake hands. My friend gave his dad the French tickle on the inside of his...

And, dude, he flipped. He held up a hand, he was like, what the fuck? Like, he was going to hit him. Because it kind of... Oh, man. There it is. Classic. These guys are having a good time.

They really are, dude. Good for that. The bottom's having a great time. Yeah. Who's the worst position? Who's the best position? I think the guy laying on his back is doing the best. Yeah.

He's probably asleep, honestly. They're all the guys. This is the worst Holocaust footage you've ever seen, by the way. It's the worst way to find out someone died. He's cold. He's coming to mouth to mouth. It almost looks like the same guy, like almost like a photo show. Oh, yeah, right.

Holy shit. It's like an MC Escher. The kisser looks a little Epstein-esque. A little Epstein. Way too old, though. One of the left's kind of got to do. I thought this was Tom Brady and his son. Oh, the ass eating of the top left.

All right, X out, X out. Oh, my God. Jesus. Oh, man. The old man gay porn market is crazy. Crazy. He's in a man's ass. You've got to have a strong tongue.

We are not well kept. That's true, actually. I didn't think about that. It's gross. It's top of the mountain. Yeah. It's top of the ass-eating mountain. Let's climb the ballad here with the next one.

There we go. This is just stupid. If like when your kids get, like if you take them to like a circus or whatever and they buy some dumb thing that, you know, they kind of force you to buy like a blinking, a thing with a blinking light, if I come down in the dark and I see the light blinking, I want to just like snap it in half. Wow. It just pisses me off. It's just this fucking piece of shit toy. And you come down, it's supposed to be dark. And it's just like a multicolored pulsing light.

Right. And you're like, what the fuck is that? And you go, it's that fucking thing. Oh, interesting. It's an unicorn bubble maker that I bought for $40 fucking dollars. Wow. Yeah, that pisses me off, man. Yeah, the amount of batteries you buy with a kid, it's crazy.

Yeah, it's pretty nuts. Everything lights up and whatnot. Yeah, it's brutal. You just wait. Yeah, true. We'll see. You guys holding any pebs? I think we may have one more.

I don't have any good shit. And I got a toast. A toast. We haven't in toast in a while. We do a toast for it. Because all we do is peeves. So every now and then you got to give a shout of something good. Oh, okay.

There's a new taco spot on Christopher Street. Is this the one I'm thinking of? think it is right by uh what is that papaya who's that called praise papaya it's got i went into the digs i was jonesed for his taco and it's cheap it's quick it's got the salsa bar a big toast of the salt yeah you go to a restaurant they got the bar with the free the green salsa the the the red the the spicy the lime wedges the radishes the onions that's amazing Love a radish. Love a pickled beater onion, too. Oh, yeah.

I went to one that used to be, they used to have it on St. Mark's. It used to be like that, but it was a falafel bar. And I was, this is fucking incredible. That's nice. You just pack it in a pita. You just fucking, it's great. It's the best. And is this like made orders, like a Chipotle style?

Are they like made tacos in front of you? And you see the guy whipping it up. You're like, that's my chicken. That's my pork. Dude. Yeah. Yeah, self-serve salsa bar. Huge, man.

I'm sure that's big in Texas. Yeah, you get them. But not everywhere does it, man. So when you see them, it's like, this is, it's really nice. Texas, you guys got the good mex, man. That's like the one cuisine in New York. We haven't, we don't, we have a couple spots. Yeah, not the same.

No, they really. California and Texas has some good fun. Yeah, the Mexican food there is for real phenomenal. Oh, I'm with you on this one, the next one. People, which want indoor, bro. The worst. I can't stand indoor lights, man. Yeah.

Speaking of, it's pretty fucking bright in here. Yeah, this is like, at least you're like, you need them. It's like a podcast. You need them for filming. But like, yeah, dude, like when I first thing, the morning the lights come on it i it fucking it really pisses me off now you realize how healthy natural light is you just go outside and you feel the sun you're like this is what i'm supposed to do yeah this is fucking bullshit it's dude like a good like a flood like a fluorescent light in

like an office like they used to make me feel like ghastly man yes my apartment lights even kind of suck they're even too right yeah yeah you gotta get the blue light blockers but you look like the world's biggest dork that's the only drawback you ever do the do the red light before bed uh i have the red light lamp by my bed i was it helps What is that? It's just a red light, but it gets easier. Blue light wakes you up and red light kind of calms you down. Because blue light's like daylight and red lights like more sunset.

Oh. That's why you wear the blue light blockers and everything looks red. I have the salt lamp, which is kind of like red light. I do it also. If I'm watching a show or something before bed, I'll put the glasses on. Me too. Interesting. I do them if I have to fly early because like the airport, you like wake up when it's dark and go to the,

and you're just like, I put the blockers on. That is actually nice. Yeah. But, you know, it's just some people see them. I'm like, what the fuck is that? You look like a, like a marksman or something. You do, you know? I was FaceTime with a girl, and she's got the red light.

I got the red light. We look like we're like FaceTime it from like 2001 Space Odyssey. I'm like, this looks so fucking weird. Well, the red light district horrors must be great. True, true. Yeah, they probably sleep like babies. Yeah, I mean, their assholes are bleeding, but yeah. Yeah, their handler kicks them back into a burlap sack, but other than that there.

Wait a minute. For Breeze, this is interesting. I don't like the plug-ins, man. I don't like them. Wait, so what are these again? The Fabrice plug them in the wall. And it's a nice smell. Yeah, I would say more like chemically just.

And especially when they spray. If I'm just standing somewhere, I get sprayed with a mist of chemical sense. That like fucking pisses me off. It is a very artificial chemically smell. Yeah, I'm a huge. I've been to places before and I'll just like kind of pop. I used to go to a gym where they kept them.

I would pop them out of the wall and just. Nice. I hated them. Well, Attell's got that old joke. I was literally just thinking of this. I can't remember how it goes. It was something about when you see this Fabriese, like, who are you fooling?

I know you did something smelly in here. Yeah. Now it's lemon and shit. Yeah. It's a classic. That's like stank sure the memories I tell. Yeah. I was just thinking that.

It's a good bit. Okay. Hit us with the last one. If people say no to petting your dog. If I ask someone to pet the dog and they're like, no. That's crazy. Dude, it happened to me in the grocery store the other day, I was, and it was like a dog, a type of breed I used to have.

So I'm like, oh, man, you have an Akita? Let me, let me, and they were like, yeah, I prefer if you didn't. Oh. I was so fucking mad. And, you know, I'm like, I was with my wife and I'm walking away. I'm like, she's a fucking bitch. My wife was like, relax, dude, it's her dog. She can say.

And I'm like, that's fucked up. Yeah. I was mad. I mean, that's your wife. She's a stickler for the rules. She is. But she is. But you're right.

She is. But a dude, it was like, bro, I just want to pet your dog. Like, what the fuck, man? leash, and it was just like... Jeez, some owner, huh? It's also, like, I'd prefer such a weird way to phrase it. Yeah. Like, oh, I'm, like, make up a lie.

Like, oh, I'm sorry, he's got a bad time. Something. I thought I was just, like, asking was just, like, a formality. I was, like, getting ready to grab this dog's head. I was just trying to be polite and be like, hey, you might have a bet your dog. And she's like, yeah, actually, no. Wow. The dog's probably like, come on, bitch.

What the fuck? Yeah. Let me get this pet. Let me get this pet. Yeah. I do I love. I love Akitas. They're like...

I don't know what those look like. They're, uh, there are these, like, giant Japanese dogs that have, like, curly tails. Oh, I love these things. God, I love these things. And they're, like, they're, like, vicious guard dogs, too. O.J. Simpson had an Akita. Did he really? I guess they're not that good guard dogs.

Whoa. And it was with the wife when she was killed. Oh. And they're saying, this is how you know O.J. did it because it would not attack its owner. Yes. But it would attack a stranger. For sure. For sure.

It was attacking its owner. Yeah, dang, that's a good, that's actually a good defense because, yeah, they are like, they were like, I feel like I have people say this about all dogs, but they used to like guard like the children because they're very good with their family, but if a stranger walks in, they'll literally just try to kill you. And it's rare you see a dog in black face. I mean, look at that. That's full Al Jolson on that thing. Holy moly. Dude, and they don't really, they wouldn't bark. They kind of just like, if I had someone come into my house, they'll just quietly follow, like, shadow that person.

And if they, like, move quick, they'll jump up. And they're awesome. Whoa, interesting. Really cool. Akita. Yeah, really good dog. That's a shout out to the Akita dog. Jeff Ross has a giant guard dog that he brings everywhere.

And always run into him on the street because we go to the same coffee shop. And every time I see this dog, it like lunges to attack me. And I'm like, that's kind of a peeve. I'm like, every time I just wave, I'm like, all right, sorry. Yeah, that's annoying. And they always go, he's all right. He's all right. But it's like, everyone like, well, stop bringing him around everywhere.

You got this fucking weapon with you. Exactly. Try to bite me. Like having a gun that's just faulty. We had a, uh, my dad and his brother's had like a trash business and they had like this, you know, trash yard where they had like literally like a junkyard dog and it was the meanest dog. Like it would, it would like frill try to bite.

Like I was a little kid and I would like pet its head and if I stopped it would be like and start growling and it bit like a couple of the customers. Jesus. And they had they fucking put it down. Like, baited it themselves. Fuck. Remember how scary that was? We walked by that one house.

with the dog and it would be like come running up at you and we'd like eat the fence trying to get to you and you're like jeez who enjoys this thing it's the movie the sandlot yeah yeah true it's the whole movie it's the whole movie scary dog did you ever get chased by a dog oh yeah I don't remember I did on time yeah we were freaking out I got it like it got me it didn't bite me it just like knocked me down pause on me and then yeah it's pretty scary it's pretty nice but I was shitting myself yeah I cried my mom had to come out I was 38 but yeah it was bad but yeah the Dunkyard dog, they put it down themselves. My uncle's, like, shot it.

Whoa. Yeah, shot it. Old school. Old school shot it, and it took, like, two rounds of still alive. Jesus. Yeah, it was really gruesome. Did you just shoot it in the head? Yeah.

Wait, where are you from? Right outside Philadelphia. Oh, yeah, right. So Delaware County. Holy, holy, yeah. I mean, it's fucking sad. It's kind of fucking nuts. They did that.

Yeah. Because they were like, yeah, we put that dog. Because the dog was, I was like, oh, because I used to see it and I'd pet it and because I still like, I still like, I had to put it down. And they had to put it down. They're like, yeah, we shot that thing like three times in the head. It's still moving. His uncle was Christy Gnome.

Yeah, I know it's not a popular take to say, you know, shot the dog, but that was growing up, it was like, yeah, you put animals down. Like, I grew up in, like, uh. You know, they put him down in other places, too, I guess. Yeah, that was just, you know, because I grew up in kind of like a rural area and like, yeah, you would like, I would go out with my dad and like, if he, in his garden, if there was like, I think they're called voles, like kind of like a little groundhog tunneling animal.

And he'd be like, all right, we're going to drop smoke bombs in the holes and you'd smoke, it out and just stand by the last hole with a gun and just dude it was pretty brutal whoa that sounds kind of fun though with the it was pretty fucking it was pretty fucking awesome yeah but yeah it was like yeah they just and like dude like their eye would just be like gone it just blows these things apart do they have wrecks too did i see it wrecks man oh yeah these are gonna be duds man but oh you know it's good dude the chili pad chili that's a huge wreck for me yeah so like you know you're like your just bed gets hot when you're sleeping yeah there's a thing you plug into your wall and you fill a you

unit with water. Do you got to use distilled water so the minerals don't build up and, like, clog it? Uh-huh. So you roll that little pad out underneath your sheet and it covers like half the bed.

So my wife has a regular bed. I have chili bed. Whoa. And it maintains, like, you can set the temperature. So I do like 64 degrees. So my side of the bed is just like a frigid,

freezing area the whole time I'm sleeping. Damn. That's great in the summer. Oh, dude. It's awesome. I think our buddy Ryan Hamilton uses this. Oh, okay.

This is a, I was like, you know, I heard about them, but I started using it. And it's just so nice to you turn it on, brush your teeth, take a shower, and you get into your bed, and it's just ice cold. That's a good wreck. Yeah. Do you keep the room cold?

As cold as I can with the wife, dude. You know what I mean? They're like iguanas, bro. They fucking run hot. So I keep it as cold as I can. And then also her feet will come over and on my chili pad. It's like an electric fence. She's like, ah.

So. I got diarrhea real bad in Mexico. That bet was a chili pet. That bet was a chili pad. Low THC weeds Yeah, I'm a big fan of those Do we just get those? Not so if there's this in the liquor.

Oh. Yeah, similar thing, though. I like them, man. They're nice for a little backyard barbecue because they're not like, they make them like 2.5 milligrams where you can like have one and not like freak

and you can slowly drink them on. They're, I'm big on those. All right, good call. So this is a dud John Martin. It's just a guy I've been listening to. It's just, he's like an obscure kind of like British

folk singer from the 70s it's not really the thing that rivets the nations pull him up i like folk he's dude he's actually he's he's got a cool story too what's this story he just was like you know kicking around him he was a musician and then his wife was like he married he met this lady who was a like a i think it's with a why oh um there he is there he is but his wife he like met this lady who's successful musician and then like he was like i'll just be like a studio guitarist for you then he completely took over the album and was like yeah we're going to be co-writing and then he impregnated her and just like left for two decades and went on the road and being a successful

music but he's really good oh this is right up my asshole oh dude and he um he plays in a bunch of weird tunings too so like you know his songs you can like tune the guitar so when you strum it sounds like a chord in and of itself so he was just like he'd always mess with all these weird tunings he was all if you watch his videos he's always like just yacked out of his mind doing concerts is really he's a funny guy hell yeah but he eventually got super fat and he became an alcoholic and uh he like broke his neck by crashing into a cow in like a country road in ireland and they like ended up losing his foot oh no from some other type of infection there he is dude turned into a fucking unit and there's a docu it's really cool there's a documentary on him and

he had like lost his foot he's in this horrible car crash And, you know, he's just like, his whole life kind of exploded. And they just, he got to play, like, just a show and, like, a pub. He was, like, traveling the world. He was, like, a pretty, you know, he was, like, hanging out with Phil Collins and shit. But eventually, he just, like, has one leg and just shows up and plays a show in, like, an old pub. And he's just, you know, like, this is awesome. I think I got that guy playing slots in Vegas last week.

Yeah, right. He, dude, he went, he went full bore. He just drank every day, play shows. That is a face. That is an amazing face. But he's so fucking good, man. I'm going to listen to him. I'm pumped.

Yeah. John Marr. Solid air was like his big. Did you ever hear of Nick Drake? Yeah. So he, Solid Air, he wrote that. Him and Nick Drake were boys and he wrote that for Nick Drake because Nick Drake was a sad boy. Yeah. Holy molly.

See, this is what's good. You were worried about this wreck. This is good stuff. It's a deep cut for sure. But some people, but some people you... You'd reckon of the right people here. Nice. And I feel like our listeners love shit like this.

Yeah. I'm more of a future guy. Yeah. John Martin, he's got a huge... You can like, if you want something new to listen to, because that's on Spotify, I just get like the same fucking shit I listen to all the time So this was a guy

I got to like really go like through album by album Like damn he keeps surprising me with new songs Yeah And hey micro dosing we can all get behind that That's it The chili pad Wheat Seltzer's music and microdosing That's how

I've still never tried mushrooms Really not as scared man I don't know Mushions are number one I'm gonna try it I'll try with you I'll try it yeah That's a good idea

That's a bad idea I don't think that's what I'm gonna do it I mean you could You can just throw it away if you freak out. I got a wreck. All right. I'll do audiobooks sometimes because I'll, you know, just walk around a lot.

And I started this audio book. It's called Educated by Tara Westover. It's incredible. It's this woman who grew up like Mormon in Idaho. And it's like the dad was completely like crazy off the grid. Like wouldn't let them go to school and let them do anything. And it's just her childhood, but it's so well written. It's like she's such a good writer.

Buddies with Ryan Hamilton. That's how I heard about it. Nice. It's a memoir. I like memoirs. It's really good All right That's awesome

Is there a hook Like does she come out on top Well clearly she's out Yeah I mean You know she's writing about it so Cool So she escaped Mormonism you're saying Yeah

Whoa That's pretty cool But it's just like crazy stories They wouldn't let you go to the doctor She's got a boyfriend Her brother Her brother Was in a car crash

And his teeth were like Fucked up like here And they were like you can't go to a Damn And the mom was in the same crash And the mom was in the same crash and the mom is kind of fucked up from it and they kept thinking she was getting better

but they like no doctor the dad's like if she's meant to be better God will see to it and then she became into like healing and all this weird it's a crazy then the first older brother gets out and he's going to college

so she's kind of hearing about it and the dad's like college is bad but she's like you know you're a kid you don't know who to trust it's yeah that's pretty cool it's just really well written it's compelling yeah I like a good memoir

that's good I got a pee Please, it moves. All right, all right. Two of them. You ever have this guy? He goes, what do you think of John Martin? I go, I don't know him.

You don't know John Martin? That's why I said I don't know him. You don't know him? Or you go, it's the same guy. He goes, oh, I'm out of cash. You got any cash? I have no cash. You have no cash.

Yes, I said no cash. So you'll have any cash at all? That's what no cash is. So I hate that guy. Yeah, they're putting their problem. problem on you. They're like, how dare you? Right, and the doubling down of it all.

Oh, that's so fucking funny. Now, this one's a real, a real, this guy's a real piece. I love this guy. So I'm trying to start playing tennis. I got a racket. I have courts by my house, but it's old school. You got to sign up on a booklet on the fence, and people get there at 5 a.m. Yeah.

So I try to wake up early. I got up at 8, which is early for me. I ran out to the sign-up sheet, and I couldn't find it. And I see people playing tennis, and I was like, where does that sign-up sheet. And the guy goes, dude, you missed it. It's all filled up. And I'm like, okay, well, where is it? So I know for next time he goes, it's full.

And I'm like, but let me just know where it is so I can sign up that again. He goes, I'm trying to tell you, you're not going to get on the court today. The whole sheet's full. And I'm like, well, where is the fucking sheet? He goes, it's full. And I'm like, I know it's full, but where is it? So we went back and forth for 20 minutes. I don't know where the sheet is. Dude,

damn. And you woke up early. And you and you woke up early. You're proud of your son. I had the racket at hand. I had a hot outfit on short shorts. Do you play with your wife or solo? What do you do? No, I'd rather play with a wall. But no, no, I got me and Ruby go out there.

Oh, wow. That's awesome. But I was like, I'll get the sign up because I wake up early. I got a baby and the guy yelled at me. Oh, dude. I had a scaled down version of that recently. I have two dogs and I brought them to like a little like, you know, it's like a field where it's kind of like an impromptu dog park thing.

And, like, my one dog is like losing his vision. And, like, I watch him walk into stuff in my house. Like, he's going blind. I can verify, you know, it's like, I verified this to my own experience. Sitting there at the dog park, I'm like, he's walking along. He walks towards this guy. And I'm like, oh, you know, he's blind. Carefully, he might walk into you.

The guy goes, he doesn't look blind to me. He's getting around pretty good. I'm like, well, no, like, I watch him walk into stuff all the time. And he's like, well, how that happened? I was like, you know, I don't know, man. I know, like, one time he ate, like, 14 chocolate cupcakes. It was like my one daughter's birthday. and he just crushed a bunch of chocolate cupcakes

and I was like, I asked the vet and the vet said it's not even about the chocolate but the sugar from all of that can do like some sort of diabetic thing and maybe that messed up his vision. The guy goes, I got diabetes, doesn't work that way. And I had to just be like, all right, man, I'm leaving.

Like, I'm not to sit here and argue. Like, my dog is fucked up. I'm with him every day. The condescending doctor's pretty fucking annoying. He wasn't even a doctor. Oh, yeah. He was just like, he was just like, he had diabetes apparently or knew someone.

I thought he was a vet for some reason. No, he was just kind of like. That's crazy. That's crazy. Just negate guy. Just negating, negating everything. Doesn't look blind to me. It's like,

yeah, that's even worse. I just watched him walk into a concrete picnic table, dude. Like, he's definitely blind. Yeah. Does he get fucked up? Like, it hit his nose? All the time. Now, like, I can, now he listens, though.

He never listened before. Now if I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He's like, he stops and I can kind of shift from me. That's kind of nice. You're a dog whisperer. Damn. Dog whisperer, another guy who got divorced, by the way. Did he really?

Once again, ladies, you're inconceivable. they initiate women initiate i think like 75% of divorces that's what i heard too that's why lesbian is number one oh they get divorced hard man yeah that's i mean that's a you know that's a truck with no brakes right there also you got to think the periods are sinking oh did i get double period in one home yeah neither one he was holding back on those fists yeah yeah and you know at that point too it's if it's double period there to be like yeah well this isn't really a big you know this isn't a real problem this is yeah you need to do you need to the cushion guy who's like takes the blows

now's just two two big cascading waves of blood yeah that's that could be tough hey that would be tough man it's like the shining in there totally I got a quick peeve

if it's okay yeah it is uh overacting in shower sex scene oh wow that's good porno you're talking about porno no no I'm just talking in movies

in movies like you would see in a theater like they're like shower sexy Yeah, people have sex and shower in movies And they're like, steamy, they're grabbing like the side of the wall They're freaking their hand down That's how it goes Yeah, if you have sex in a shower, nothing like this

Yeah, one of you just annoyed the other one's wet and you're not Yeah You know, I thought you were saying overacting in porn Which that annoys me when the dudes like hamming it up too much I'm like, all right, you're not why we're here Why don't you settle down And why are you showing the guy's face And the guy's like, oh

Yeah All right, all right, we're both making the same face The porn guy who wanted to be like Jerry Lewis And you're like, Jesus Christ I'm trying to jerk off here. He's ruining it. I know. Yeah.

By the way, fun fact. I saw a study on this. What is the female body part that is observed the most in porn? I would say the feet are the eyes. I would say the face. Interesting. The face. Because you want to know how she's reacting to her.

So you think tits, vagina, butt. So if anything, we're good guys we're good for watching it we care by your face I like it yeah yeah we're good people

we're just waiting for that jizz to hit it all right we got some date too yeah plug some dates first I've watched Matt's new special on Netflix I'm humble offering hell yeah

humble offering it was yeah it was cool it was cool to make I'm excited it's coming out yeah and yeah I'll be in Buffalo New York October 17th and then Bricktown

I'll be in Tulsa the Naples Florida Madison Wisconsin and the blue room in Springfield, Missouri on Matt McCusker.com. So, yeah, I'm excited. Have you done Madison? Yes, I love Matt.

Their green rooms, the best, dude. The best. Yeah, I love that. The best, Jerry. All right, what do you got, Fettie? Barcelona, Milan, Dublin, Liverpool, London, Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin. And then second time this year, Salt Lake City,

Wise guys, back for seconds. I love that, I love that spot. November 14th through 16th. Reno, Nevada, November 29th. And then Carnegie, Hall, December 4th, please come out today. That's awesome, man. That's been good. That's been done. Samuel Ellie.

Packed out. All right. Hey, we are going to, I don't know when this comes out. Oh, Athens, Greece, baby. Oslo, Helsinki, Stockholm. I got Dublin the night before you. So I'm stealing those tickets. Ships in the night. Oh, you are.

But you've never been. I've been to Dublin. Ah, you've been there. You'll crush me. My tickets aren't doing great. I like Ubees. I do, too. It's good to hear, but I was blaming anti-Semitism. So it's not great to hear.

Yeah, Magoobie's in Baltimore area, Washington, D.C. Chocolate Sita, the Lincoln Theater, Rochester Kodak Center, Niagara Falls. That's on the Ontario side, the good side. And then San Diego and Pryor Lake, Minnesota, outside of Minneapolis for the casino. And I'm adding more dates, and hopefully we'll sell this special. You will, for sure.

Get some bodega cat, bodega cat, whiskey.com. See you next week, guys. thank you Thank you guys Sunday's a day for my next fender A bit of Peverack You know the future's close

I've had a little too much Birthing And Norman's talking shit About the fucking post And I get down in the same way Above the roof Like a cop Coming

And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch Here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember And I get down in the same way We might be true