We Might Be Drunk - Ep 258: Roy Wood Jr.

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

Roy Wood Jr. joins Mark and Sam for a killer episode packed with road stories, comedy history, and hard-earned wisdom. The guys swap tales about bombing on Star Search, opening for Ron White, taking a private jet with Adam Sandler, and what really happens when you accidentally use the headliner’s bathroom. Roy breaks down life after The Daily Show, the future of stand-up specials, and lessons learned from his dad, his peers, and decades in the game. Sponsored by: Start your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/drunk Ditch the cigarettes and vapes — grab some nicotine-infused toothpicks at https://zippixtoothpicks.com and get 10% off with code WMBD Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #RoyWoodJr #Shopify #ZippixToothpicks #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #bodegacatwhiskey 00:00 Welcome Back & Comedy Recap 02:00 Canadian Tour Stories & Comedy Scenes 05:00 Comedy Clubs, Taping, and Old School Touring 11:00 Arena Tours & Touring with Sandler 18:00 Hoops at Under Armour & Tour Perks 25:00 Comedy Roasts: Culture and Legends 32:00 Roast Dynamics in Black & Mainstream Comedy 40:00 Comedy Specials, Industry vs. Internet 47:00 DIY Specials & Releasing Content Today 55:00 Changing Technology & Audience Building 01:02:00 Evolving Material & Reaching New Fans 01:11:00 Comedy Museums & Immortalizing Legends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Boom. Swish. Here we are. Hey, hey, folks. We might be drunk. We're here. We're queer. You go hard this weekend?

Not really, actually. I had DeVito opening, and he was taking it easy, so I kind of took it easy. He usually will grab a tequila soda or some drink. He's usually drinking something when I'm with him. I got him a few, and he was like, I'm good. Like, he had two, and I noticed he was falling asleep. every night so I was like all right we should go home and when you guys start doing this one I'm he's the driver too god damn yeah yeah damn we had a great weekend in Canada where would you

hit we did Halifax hidden gym wow I don't think I've ever been great it's one of those towns like thanks for coming nobody comes here cute beach town lobster water great I heard it's great great and it's like an hour and a half flight it's totally doable like this should be more comedy comedy yeah that's it's salmon baby New Canada, our new Scotland, is what that means. And, yeah, look at that. Just, like, beautiful riverfront views and water views. That looks like Portland, Maine.

That's insane. It's very similar to Maine without the heroin. There's got to be some heroin in Halifax. Probably a little heroin. A little heroin. In Portland, Maine, it's fucking dicey, dude. And the booze. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Maine is hillbilly north. Not to mention, they're like lobster Hitler out there. It's, like, literally just, like, every fucking block. They're rounding them up. It's crazy They're just like We got them here

You're like All right Jesus crazy Yeah that's true It's a genocide Yeah they're dumping them in The little fucking And they're making merch out of it Oh yeah

Not only they dumping them in But they're fucking They're merchant every store It's like get a lobster t-shirt too Yeah Aren't we rubbing it in And you pick your lobster To eat which is also pretty brutal

That was a great Richard Jenny joke You know the joke I'm talking about Where you go to the seafood restaurant And you see the tank full of lobsters And they all have that same look like Any word from the governor It's a great bit Oh, that's great

Richard Jenny was great He was underrated, killer So funny Check out a platy, is it platypus? All his shit's great I mean I listened to an album recently And it was like His opening line was great too

It was like I have a easy job Not the easiest job It's pretty easy Easiest job It was when Michael Jackson was in the trial The lawyer against Michael Jackson And that guy

All he used to do is go up against MJ And create reasonable doubt I'm paraphrifference and I'm butchering the wording, but, like, great open. Just, like, get right into it. Yeah, yeah. I told you my favorite. Every time I try to bang my wife in the ass, he turns in Elvis.

Ho! Hey! Thank you very much. He was an underrated comic, man. He did commentary, and he was silly, and he had huge actouts and great takes. He was great. Yeah, he was, and it was, like, he had, like, a bit of Carlin where it was written, and it was, like, the word choice was important, but then it was also, like, great performer. Great.

Williams too yeah yeah definitely definitely he was like well-rounded yeah killed himself fucking terrible uh Brooklyn guy don't don't uh shoot yeah I heard a story actually from my buddy worked a club back in the day was like he was convinced the guy in Brooklyn and the mob wanted to kill him mm and it was like going on for years and they had to do like a sit down and all that I mean it's fucking weird whoa wait what was his real name go up real name John Richard John Calingolo. Calangelo? Colangelo.

I did not know that. He's super woppy. Ah, maybe that's why the mob hated him. Well, he must have made fun of someone or something. Yeah, yeah. So Halifax, was that it, or do you go all over Canada? Halifax was great, and then we went to Ottawa. What you know you think?

It's a great fucking comedy city. Great town. They fucking laugh. I know. I had one of the best sets of my life in Ottawa. Really? I was opening for Schumer back in the day in the arena there, and I just fucking a viscer.

It was like one of those where I was like, I can't believe how hard they're laughing. It's great. You know, you're like Ottawa. It's very unassuming. It's their capital. It's like their D.C. So it's a lot of smart people.

A lot of smart people. Beautiful buildings, big architect, the parliament building and all that shit. Their hockey team is the Ottawa senators. There you go. They're the senators. We're not a very scary team. Like, they're going to get rid of abortion. Like, what is the senator?

That's no good. The abolitionists. They're coming to town this week. My son is gay. Oh, you know. So, yeah, so Ottawa was unreal. We did some big room, and we were late. I actually took us to the wrong theater with an Uber,

and I was like, why would my agent put us in this hotel 20 minutes away from the theater, this fucking idiot, da-da-da? And I get there, I'm like, hey, I'm here to the tour manager. He's like, yeah, where are you? We're starting in like 10 minutes. I'm like, I'm outside. He's like, where? And I sent him a pin, and he's like, here's another pin.

The theater was next to the hotel. So we had to take an Uber all the way back and DeVito had to just run on stage and it was one of those where we got there and he was like, holy shit, what is this room? And it was just the hot, it was the National Arts Center in Ottawa and boy, was it a hot crowd. It is a fucking hot, it's a hot comedy city.

It is, it is. And then we went to Absolute Comedy Club after. You're fucking savage. Oh yeah, well, everyone gets, Sean Murphy's like, it's the best club in Canada, it's amazing, absolute comedy club. They used to say you go there to make a tape. Yes. That was, you go to absolutely, or you tape,

or what was the one in Boston? Laugh, not laugh, Comedy Studio. Comedy Studio. They were like, you go there, I got my first late nights at comedy studio because they're like, go up there, everything kills.

Cambridge. Just go clean. Yes, yes. That was a smart crowd. I think, did John Fish do an album? He did, yeah. You know, it's supposed to be a great club. I always wanted to work there back in the day.

So did I. I heard all these rumors. Some people wouldn't take the tapes because they were so hot. Dude, we were literally, that's how old we were. We were sending like DVDs. DVDs, yeah. Remember that? Oh, of course, sure.

You put it in a little envelope. You young kids, you just copy and paste a link. You don't know how good you have it. We went to the post office. Yes, you had to drop it in a box. So, yeah, that was the whole thing. But yeah, Killer Club did a set there, and everybody was very nice. And then we got drunk and went home.

I love it. Do you drive back or fly? Fly, yeah, you got to fly. Dude, I was out with Sandler all weekend doing, like, arenas. It was fun as hell. It's like crazy. Yeah, crazy tour to be a part of. I've been out with them a few times before.

It's always like the most, it's what you expect. It's like a massive version of how I try to tour. Where it's like you play basketball during the day. But, you know, we're traveling and like there's SUVs everywhere, private jets. Wow, it's like summer camp. Summer camp, but it's like great crew. It's like Kevin Neeland is out. Kevin James.

Yeah, it's fun as hell. Wow. Fortune Feimster came on some of the dates. I saw that. She's awesome. She's the best. And, dude, it was, it's like steakhouse every night. Oh, my.

Oh, my God. Which is like, first couple nights show, like, this is great. By night three, you're like, I'm going to get fucking. I'm going to feel like sick from all this. Yeah. Kind of a, you know, champagne problem here. Sure, sure. We get the meat sweats.

I did. I made one faux pa. Uh-oh. We're in the arena before the show, and my green room's like really far away. So we're all just like hanging out, watching sports, watching the Yankees game. And, you know, sandwich going on like 10 and I'm like, kind of have to take a shit. Oh, boy. Should I poop in his green room?

Is that a bad move? Mine's really far away And I was like It'll be a quick shit I'll be in and out This is bold This is bull I shouldn't have done it

I had a drink in me I was like what am I thinking Oh my God I went in the cream bathroom It was not a good shit It was a It was a

It was a It was a red meat And whiskey shit And it didn't It came out not well It's I was like It's bad When you're like

This smells bad When it's your poop And you're like It's not good Yeah And uh Sounds like a country song It's a red meat and witty shit.

Oh, man. I go out, and I was like, whatever. He's going on in five. He's not going to go in the bathroom. He walks into the bathroom. I was like, fuck. And he came out, and it's like in the same of the voice, like, Who took a monster shit?

And I'm like, oh, shit. Did he do it in the, who took a poo? No, it was more like the angry water voice where I was like, fuck. And I was like, I did it. And he was like, Sammy. Oh, that's crazy. And Rob Schneider was there. And he goes, you can't get.

him ammo he's gonna use this against you forever i was like damn yeah it was like fuck that was a faux i was like i'm sorry i should have done that yeah like hook it up with his daughter no no no i think that's worse okay i think she's underage oh i think that's a double bad idea but uh no dude that's uh yeah that was my fuck up wow but we're like it's crazy we end up we're in baltimore and uh he's like we're going to underarmor today to play basketball and i was like we're going to like their facilities like yeah it's in baltimore holy hell we show up it's like dude it they've a football field what in under armor they have a football field they have like all these basketball courts indoor and outdoor they have a store they're like step curry might

come by and i'm like fucking like look what i don't get starstruck he's their guy yeah so i'm like i don't get starstruck a lot but it's fucking step curry and like he's probably going to come to the show tonight and then like last minute they're like he has to change his flight so he's coming tomorrow morning i was like oh man but uh brutal But we play hoops there and the CEO is there. He's a cool dude. He's like, here's our info. Like, take whatever you want from the store.

So I'm like, I'm not gonna be a dick. They're like, you gotta take the new Curry sneakers. And he's like, they're not even out yet. I'm like, all right, I'll take a pair of the Curry sneakers. Then they're like, you gotta get some underwear. And I'm like, I'll take some underwear. Oh, right. You know, I'm a sheath man, as we all know,

but I'll take some underwear. I'll try it out. You know, they're like, get this shirt. They're like, this is a good hat. I'm like, I'll give him my dad. Then there's like a Steph Curry shirt. shirt. My buddy Dory loves the word. I'll give it to him. So they're like handing me shit. I look over Joe Vessie. He was one of Sandler's guys on the road. He's like four bags for shit. You can't do that. And he was like I want to have a problem. I was like, I was like I was crack it up. He left with like four bears of sneakers. I got a couple things but dude, under armor makes great shit. Great shit. I was like this is like it's you know what's cool is when the clothes are like there's like a technology to it. Yes. Where you're like oh my God there's like you know their hats fibers or whatever. Dude, They have these hats that you can like smush up and they don't wrinkle.

Whoa. I love shit like that. So it's like for travel. Yeah, exactly. My head gets smushed in my bag. Dude, yeah, it was sick. Wow, and the story of Under Armour is pretty crazy. I have a big fascination with like entrepreneur people who start shit and it's just a guy who started it.

Nobody believed in them. And then athletes started wearing it like kind of just, they thought it was the best. Like LeBron loved it and then it just blew up. Yeah, and Curry went with it for, I mean, they got Curry. Oh, that's right. Yeah. And they got Deerrin Fox. I got some guys, yeah.

I think he was a coach. He was like a coach, and he was like, this material isn't good enough. And he made his own, and then it worked. He left for a while and came back. Yeah, we were hanging with Kevin. He was cool as hell, man. Wow. That was fun.

Give me the whole rundown. Like, do you fly out? Are you on a jet? Oh, we fly, yeah. We flew private every day. It's crazy. I mean, it's very different from the way we travel. When you're with, like, a guy like Sandler, you're like, this guy is, you know, he's so famous, too,

that you just have to, like, you have to move. Yeah. You know, like, he's very cool. take pictures with people, but, like, you literally land at some, you know, private airport, and there's 40 people, like, sign my thing. Of course. They're so fucking rude, some of these people.

They have, like, the eBay FedEx box ready to go. If you're going to bother this guy for an autograph, like, I feel like maybe five people out of 100. It's for them. Sure. It's like a business. People do it to sell. But, uh...

So much work. Like, get a regular job would be easier. It's so much work. At that point. Yeah, it's like a lot. So then, um, yeah, dude, private's also, like, we're so used to doing an hour on stage that like it takes me back to be doing like I'm doing like eight to ten minutes oh yeah so you feel like you're like this is my work day I'm doing eight minutes I know so you just start drinking in the green room like I'm just fucking fortune's like let's fucking let's drink some manhattens I'm like let's get drunk so we're getting sauce hell yeah we're just watching his show it's fun it's also so fun to watch because it's a lot of music and stuff yeah so we're just bombed we're just kind of walk inside stage uh we're taking a jet back to New York after Baltimore and uh

the lady on the jet this is a weird one too I go how you doing and she goes medium it's just weird to be that honest you know yeah people just say I'm good and on a jet you just say a medium medium medium is weird hamburger yeah so

one there and I'm like is there booze on here and she goes of course I was like I'll take a I'll take a whiskey and she goes all right and then Kevin James he goes I want a whiskey too and then Sandler goes Let's get all whiskeys Oh!

Yeah That's incredible Yeah You can drink whiskey on a jet with sailors It was fucking cool Kevin James Yeah And then I went to the private

bathroom on the jet And took a big shit No I learned my lesson We need to make an emergency landing Adam we have to sleep in Newark tonight Because Sam took another shit Oh wow I think that actually did happen once

A guy's shit so bad in a plane They had to like that I'm sure it's happened in history Can we look that In history someone must have taken a shit It's so bad. I think it was like two months ago, literally. Imagine that's the reason of plane crashes.

The pilot's like, fuck. Is that an act of terrorism, really, when you think about it? It's an act of inconvenience. There you go. I mean, a terrorist blows it up. I mean, technically you did blow it up. Yeah, blow it up. I guess maybe it's an act of terror.

It's a biohazard, too. It's like, it's poisonous. And how about when they break down and like the smell just travels? That's a bad one. Oh, yeah. Because they all know who did it. They're all looking at the guy who was in there too long. Right, right.

It's not a hard case to solve. Look at it. August 2025. There we go. Wow. That's a bad shit. Now, does it shoot out of the plane or is that a myth? You know, I've had this talk with people because I remember I did Chelsea Handler's podcast and she was like mocking me for, no, it was Trevor Noah was mocking me.

Okay. He was mocking me because he was like, you think it goes into the sky and I was like, I don't know. I just figured. And he's like, of course it doesn't. They cook over the ocean. I thought that was our revenge on the birds. We poop back on them. That's true.

Okay, it's a vacuum system. It's a vacuum, yeah. No, I didn't even know. I didn't know either. I always heard it just shot out into the world and it dissipated, so nobody got hurt. ChatGPT is going to make kids either way smarter or way dumber. I don't know. I think dumber.

They'll have the information, but they won't be able to think of it themselves. Retain, that's the word. Retain, that's big. My fat aunt would always say, I retain water, which, I always thought was hilarious as a kid. That just means you a bed hips. Yeah, you're eating cupcakes as we speak. You're like, ah, it's water.

It's all water. Yeah, water. Drink water. You feel great when you drink a lot of water. Of course, you're hydrated. Yeah, I mean, you ever just, like, wait, like, a few hours when you, and you don't eat breakfast immediately, and you just pound water? Oh, it's great.

You can feel it, like, flow through you. I do it, like, once a year, but it's good. Good feeling. Jeff Foxx, where he had a great line, his ex-wife or somebody would be like, I'm not fat I retain water and he goes so does a Hoover Dam

Oh that's his big joke That's a good one He had a couple of bangers There he is Here we go But yeah How'd the weekend end up Great

You end up getting home It's great to get home Night of That's the beautiful thing Sit right here He did some Sandler weekend Yeah we did some dates On the jet

I was ready I thought they were going to spend the night In Baltimore So I was like I'll just like try to get a late train or bus you know or car back but then they were like no we're flying in new york and i was like fucking beautiful nothing better yeah the quick flip you get there do the show be right back in your bed the same day quick flip i'm i'm using that i didn't even i didn't even

know the concept of private jets and comedy because it was such an athletic thing to me right all these are athletes and then i opened for ron white one time and made an ass of myself you ever like open for a big wick. Like when you're... I literally made an ass out of myself. And you try to, like, chum it up with them. Like, they're just a fucking regular road guy. I open for Ron White and

strike one. I come up to in the green room. I go, hey, man, let me know if you need a ride to the airport in the morning. That's not so bad. That's kind of a... No, that's just polite. Then I go.

He goes, I'm leaving tonight, Roy. And it's Huntsville. I'm like, we're a fucking Alabama. I'm a bitch, there's no flight at 2.30. I go, who are you flying? Roy, I have a plane. And I just tiptoed out the fucking green room. But how the fuck should we know this stuff?

You don't know. That's rarefied air. Year three, I just, the idea of like the Kings of Comedy toured on a jet, but I didn't, I didn't know that. It's also very new for comedy, I feel like. Oh, yeah. That's how Ron got, but you'd have to have him on the podcast. It's his story to tell, but when he got arrested for weed or something, he had a mix-up with some weed and like a pilot.

Like, he landed and there was weed on the plane, and he says that, like, somebody on his team, I'm not sure if it was the pilot for sure, but he says somebody basically tipped the feds off that. The feds? Well, it's federal. You're crossing state, whatever the fuck. That's fucking drugs.

But that's crazy. That's back when weed was still the devil. The devil's grass. Yeah, yeah, he did good for himself. I respect Ron White so much, bro. Oh, he's a classic. He still grinds in, like, shit rooms. Like, he'll just go up in random spots in L.A.

I saw him do Mobetta Mondays in L.A., which is, like, the black is right. He did Moebetter Mondays. It was either the same week or the week after DJ Drama got arrested for, like, all of the mixtape, whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah. And so the room was just extra black. if that makes sense crushed

we did Moved on Mondays and Ruby Tuesdays we did every black show Ruby Tuesdays yeah Ruby Tuesdays we did every black chocolate Sundays we did every night of the week

we did sad Thursdays we bombed every show Mark Yeah it was bad They don't want to hear us We were running roast jokes And they didn't want to hear that shit Black people don't roast like that Like the joke structure

It's not It's just got to be this month fucking right in versus yeah he went over here in fact he went over there he can't do that well you've seen the Doug williams yeah that was rough yeah the jamie fox that is my biggest nightmare is that yeah we did we did a talk with the hollywood reporter these stand-ups and jamie fox was on the round table and i asked him about it they edited they took it out because I and I wish the Hollywood reporter at left

it in because it was like he never talks on the record about what happened that night but Jamie says that Doug was real braggadocious backstage so it's like they make him look like this and Doug was a very established standard he was hosting the show on the network that's why he was there in the first place but apparently Doug had been talking a lot of shit backstage so then when it came time to actually go out there and roast and the

jokes weren't working, Jamie shit was low-key a clapback to some stuff that happened off-camera. And they kind of play like, oh, man, Doug went funny, and then Jamie just went for the juggler because Jamie's a killer. But I really feel like Jamie was just like, no, I'm going to get my lick back.

For those you don't know what we're talking about, Doug Williams is doing a roast, and Jamie Foxx, he takes the mic. No, his mic is still live. His mic is still live, rather, but my point is he takes over. He starts talking through his set, which I was like. like I always thought was kind of a, I understand it's a clapback, but like, I think you got to let

the roaster have the floor. Even if they're bombing? I don't, I think that's for the bomber to get out of, though. I think because we've seen people bomb and then kind of get out of it. I think it's kind of a, I respect Jamie Fox. I think he's insanely talented. I just thought it was kind of like a, and I don't know the history, but it's kind of a, it's kind of a dirty move a little bit. It was, it was. And it was peak Jamie too. Yeah, exactly. So he was very, he had of arrogance about him but I just I say that to say what Jamie did to Doug that was not unprovoked no that makes I mean justified I would hope it was not unprovoked and I say that with respect to Doug Doug is one of my Alabama comedy O'Gs he's from Montgomery yeah but

it was one of those things where I get why even if that wasn't what you should have done but it was a roasted Emmett Smith Doug goes up some of the jokes aren't hidden and Jamie just starts pretending to be his conscience which is what every comedian has has when you're bombing, you're thinking to yourself the whole time. I just did another joke that didn't work. Maybe I should wrap it up. Like, it was pretty bad.

To the blind eye, we just thought he was being a dick, because it was the big star versus the... Yeah, that's kind of how I read it too. Yeah. But no, no, they said, okay, and this is just, this is Jamie Foxx's where Doug was backstage talking cash shit. And it was like, yeah, I'm going to get out there,

and I'm going to kill everybody. It's going to be in. What you're supposed to say at a That's not what I say. Gregory's there. Yeah. Oh, that's kind of hurt. Yeah. I just don't know if like black roast could be done the same as like they do like the

mainstream. What do you mean? Netflix and all of that. I would love to see that. Why do you think there's a difference? Because I have noticed that black audiences don't respond the same way to like what we do the type of roasts and we do. I don't know if it's the black audience, but I don't know if you could organize a situation for any

black celebrity to just sit there while other black celebrities just belittle him and the idea of get him back and I roast out of love it would have to legitimately be people out of love like you boys are close to this flavor took it well

but Flav knows he's a caricature he plays it he fucking he had his head fucking horns on his head while holding a piece of chicken like he doesn't care yeah I don't know it was just his lunch

tell me if this is true But I heard that part of the whole Someone who isn't necessarily a friend of the roastee Being acceptable to roast that person started Because none of Chevy Chase's friends Would come do the Chevy Chase roast Which was either the first or one of the first comedy central roast Apparently heavily edited

Because I remember seeing that on TV And I was like, well, I mean, Mark Marin killed But he only did two minutes Right You see Todd Barry, he killed two minutes Greg Gerardo killed 130 like it was the weirdest thing to be like wow they really cut this down

and they used a lot of comics that he didn't know correct but because supposedly because they had no choice but it still got rating so then Comedy Central was like well fuck it but it was it felt it felt it felt you're right though it didn't feel like a Dean Martin roast it felt kind of vicious because they weren't friends they were like

iron guns right you don't know the preexisting like if you did a roast of ice cube and you got everyone from the Ice Cube universe of entertainment and you got old rappers old co-star get his Jewish manager to come out

be like sorry sorry about that I fucked up dig up Jerry Heller from NWA get Paul Giamadi to just come out and reprise his character

from straight of the Compton like if you saw Mike Epps roast an ice cube then it's like okay I know the backstory and the love and all of that I just don't know if you could just

if any black entertainer would just allow just a random even if you're socially accepted, Ice Cube's not gonna let Drusky roast him. It's gotta be someone with the great. They have no history. Well, it's gotta be like someone who's got

established sense of humor, like a Shaquille or something like that, it's gotta be someone who's like. Okay, so someone whose star is as equal to yours and I can kinda fuck with you, but no, you're right. I don't, I just don't see a lot of black roasts that are not like that roast of Emmett Smith that they did. And athletes are the hardest because athletes are like so arrogant,

and believe they're above jokes. You ever watch, it's on YouTube somewhere, but there's Steve Harvey hosting the NFL honors, which I would argue is the most difficult of all of the hosting gigs. Oh, harder than the Espe's. Harder than the Correspondent's dinner. Wow.

Harder than the, in my opinion. I think Espeas is tough, but because you have all of the different sports in there, you can hop-scotch around and be more general. But Steve Harvey's done, he did NFL honors for a couple, a couple of years and he would have a killer joke and they would cut to the crowd and it would just be a 22 year old millionaire just staring at it and Steve didn't give a fuck he's already

got the money yet he's he has enough cashay that he's never bombing but dude you know I saw I saw a headline Cooper flag number one overall pick for the Mavs it was like a big deal like his mom wants to be you know financially responsible so she's limiting his first car purchase to 180 grand and I was like, wow, just 180K for a car. It's like, yeah, you should do that on a rookie contract. I don't care how rich you are. You're a child. You don't need a $500,000 whip.

You know, it's like, come on. At what point, though. Look at how well-lit that crowd is. My God. Oh, yeah, they want the reaction shots. Oh, that's brutal. It's just all just like smirks. Paul Rudd will bail you out of a bomb.

Is this? Where is it? This is a tough gig. Yeah, bro. I would put the NFL honors gig ahead of any other award show gig just because football players have the worst into humor you say of all sport

In my opinion They're just the toughest of crap Because they're the most warrior-driven They're the most Me strong, me no show Laughing somehow is a weakness Or showing, yeah, that you're vulnerable Yeah, well did you see Jeff Ross

I got to say he did a pretty good shack roast He had a great step He tried to peel the microphone He said your knuckers. No, that was the Emmett Smith Rose. Oh, is that the Emmett Smith? But Shaq was there.

Fuck. He did some, yeah, I mean, those were jokes that would not fly today. Oh, pull that up if you can't. Just the reaction of they're all dying. Shack is loving it. That's because Jeff Ross will come in

and just be edgy. And they said, damn, that white boy crazy. Yes, exactly. Every joke is just, damn, that white boy. Yeah. Even like that white boy said that shit right there. Right.

Oh, wow. This roast was action-packed. Bro, you got Dick Gregory, Jeff Ross. Shack Shack love stand-up, man Monique Yeah, he used to have a stand-up show Didn't he?

Yeah, he had No audio there? What the fuck is Jamie Fox doing? He said it's such a good line That Fox did the Triple H A. A little pito joke, all right? Yeah, the white guy's slot

on the black show is money. That is a great spot. It is. Basically two reasons. First reason is, I'm a big, big fan. years second reason is Shaq sent me a beautiful letter saying he wanted me to come it was for charity and it was really from Shaq because it was signed

S-H-A-C-K Shack is a fucking national treasure yeah Shack man you look good you look good congratulations your your your knuckles look scraped did you walk here Jesus Christ he doesn't even flitch there's no anger that is fucking that is a joke that's a joke you can't do today I don't No, I don't think so. At a roast, you think, Roy? At a black roast? Black people just take shit a little different.

That's true. The Atlantic would write a piece about it, but the black crowd would like it. Right, right. Yeah, the Guardian would try to ruin your life. Yeah, the Guardian. But black people would be like, no, it's fine. Yeah, he came in, you got me. Yeah, let's keep.

Shaq is such a good fucking sport, dude. I mean... Who's funny? A Shaq or Barclay? Barclay. Barclay's funny. Shack's funny, but Shack is more like goofy funny, and Barclay's fucking... Barkley is funny in that granddad that doesn't want to be bothered.

Yes. But you keep fucking with him, and so then he finally just says some slick shit. I'll tell you what, them big girls down in San Antonio. They eat ribs. Anyway, it'll just keep it moving. I think it's... Barclay's funny comes in the forum in which he chooses to say the things. Yeah, yeah.

And then he'll get... She'll get pushback and flack. for saying everything, and he's like, what? They are fat. That's like his rebuttal. I love him. But no, I don't know, man, like roasting, that's just such a specific skill set. That was just never my thing.

Like, back in my daily show heydays, they would always ask me to come do the roast. I'm like, really? You turned down Comedy Central Rose? Because you just, I'm going to sit there. Which one do you turn down? Was it, it was David Spade? and there was it was one before Bruce Willis

there was a David Spade it might have been Charlie Sheen Oh that was a big one Anything I was daily show Let's just say 2015 to 2020 so like Anything from 2015 to like 2018

Hmm Let's see what we got They probably asked me to do Man Sheen talking about I watch the whole thing I got to watch Wait where is it

Is that the doc Doc? shit Docs come out too fast now Oh I know It used to be But at least that's a life worth a doc There's a lot going on

That guy's lived through some shit dude God bless his father His father's like a saint Dude he is Do they make him sympathetic Does it make you feel bad for Charlie Sheen Or is it just him like Having accountability

Because some docs are just a subliminal apology Yeah there's a little of that But it's mostly like Holy shit what a ride and he's so likable and charming that you're all in. Yeah, it seems like his ex-wives don't even hate him.

Yeah. For a guy who lives that hard and we're smoking crack and fucking around and for all his ex-wives to be like, eh, he's a good guy. I saw the one clip online where they said, yeah, there it is. Roblo.

Roblo. Roblo was the one because that was 2016. I was a Daily Show. And then the Bruce Willis one. I don't know. I just felt like I would just sit there. Bruce doesn't remember any of the joke.

at least. He would just sit there. Also, like, this is after Patrice died, so I know y'all needed a new fat guy to throw dot, beat these jokes at. I'm not gonna fucking. Yeah, no. That's... Yeah, look at that. L'Rale was the only black person. I was like, no.

You got off and to sit me here. I don't even remember Rell on it. And they'll say. And, like, hit me with all it. Like, no. And, like, the crowd, like, that's just such a random cast of people. All respectful, all respected resumes but I just don't know

if you could set up a line up that random for somebody black in esteem you're not gonna roast Bruce Willis who's a black action the Wesley Snipes who you gonna who you're gonna

but okay but what 10 black people that he won't get up and punch in the fucking face because you don't know me enough to make that joke right and the people who know you signed up for a roast

you kind of got it if you sign up because I heard Netflix is like trying to put together another roast and one of the people they really wanted was Will Smith and I'm like he's not really famous for taking jokes well I don't know if you're aware that's a good point

he's not the best he seems like the type that would you know what that would be smart for Will Smith to do though that's true show he can take it now yeah but you know but you're gonna be looking over after every joke he'd be like looking over yeah like is he pissed if Jada's there that would change everything yeah they would go well do you think she would allow

that shit literally every joke would be about how she's a whore and he's gay that's Every joke. Yeah, and your kids are weird. Like, they'll find every nerve to hit him with. But if he sat there and took that shit, it would be like... Takes a bunch of Valium right before. Just make him comatose.

Ayahuasca out. This isn't the right comparison. But if Will Smith did a Netflix roast in the spirit of, hey, you know, come get tard and feathered and come on back into the fold of society, it would be similar to when Steve ran Azizi did roast battle. In the sense of Granite Ranazizi was not. In the sense that it won't really work. You don't think it worked?

A little bit. I don't know. Well, with the comedy community or with the public at large? I think comics are fine with it. I think it was, but I think it's more like the, I think in the grand scheme of things. No, I don't think it, he was bigger before. I think it, no, I think that was. So it's kind of like a Delia thing where you were bigger before the thing happens and then whatever happens.

It sells a lot of tickets in the road, doesn't he? Yeah, he still sells. But, I mean, in terms of the, he's built his audience. So, I mean, he's got that. But I wonder, though, like, what Ranazizi at that time, I mean, since you were there, I always felt like in the comedy community, I saw it as, okay, well, he owned it. So whatever finger wag, I mean, granted, considering you think about what a scandal is now, if the Ranazizi shit happened today, it wouldn't even be.

be a fucking thing like no fact you could lean into that shit and sell more tickets that was there was something weird about that too is like the way you plan those pieces those hit pieces like the new york times are like we'll have it come out the day of his special yeah you know what i mean they're like you got to pull the special now it's kind of like the hoss and men hodge daily show which was the week before the writer strike ended and they were going to announce him as host or whatever oh wow so like it's big game hunting we can get them we'll get them we'll get them Well, it's literally the last thing the journalists have now. That's all they, I mean, that's like, you know, the days of Edward R. Murrow are gone.

So they're like, what do we have? We could take this dude down. Right. We got Barry We have Pablo Torres. Seems like Pablo Torres on this John Stossel. If he fucking goes after Brunson, dude. Don't help me God. Pablo, you fucking step back.

Everybody likes Pablo until he goes after their team. Yeah. I remember this is a random name drop, but I'm friends with Ruben's study. one of the old school American Idol How's he doing? He's from Birmingham and he's straight

He tours and like he makes a fuck ton of money overseas It looks good Wait? Yeah yeah Rube Rube slimmed up on y'all He was the first Rube got a wife

She cooked good for him He got a child to live for His life is good man Your dude Yeah great dude Great voice And so he was touring With Clay Aiken for a minute

They were doing like a two-man thing For a while a couple years ago But now he's just touring solo but Ruben I got to talking about that first season of American Idol do you remember this girl named Frenchie? No. There was a contestant named Frenchie in season one and they kicked her off the show

because somebody found a nude picture of her. It'd be the equivalent and it's like and it was a huge scandal like, oh two, bitch. They was like, oh no, can you believe? Yeah. Wow, topless. And later that year on the Super Bowl, Jana Jackson whipped out her tip.

Yeah, disqualified early in the season due to to topless photos found earlier in her career. That is pretty fucked up. Catch me outside girls, the number one only fan. Hawk tours and all of that shit. Yeah, I suck dick. Download my podcast. But what happened to her though? It's wild.

Because it'll work for a minute, but is there staying power in that? I mean, I don't know. But you're talking about staying power. Most people are trying to hit a lick. Like the average American only makes three million before they die. yeah no I just think or if you want to get cute for inflation right so if you can hit any but that's a lot of ticket that works for one there's a lot of people that get stopped and say gnarly shit into a into a mic you know like you she won a lot of ticket with that but I think

and it the nudity would not get you that would help your career now no no I totally get the point you're making I'm saying even in now you know it works for a minute but it's and it's very rare that it works it's short money it's short money yeah But look at Monica Lewinsky, her whole fucking character assassination, tarnished. She'd be a victim now. She was really mocked. She was young as fuck. She was kind of treated like the homewrecker and the piece of shit.

You want to talk about some jokes. You go back and go, oh, Lino monolognes. Lennon, yes. Lennel was on her neck. Remember Rock's bit, though, when he goes, this whole thing is Hillary's fault. Yeah. You know what type of man you have. She put the whole country in danger.

You're the first lady. You've got to be the first one on your knees to suck his dick. Yeah. A applause and roar. That was a great bit. They were like, yeah. That one holds up. You spell had a chunk on Monica.

Oh, fuck. We'll be right back to suck that dick or whatever it was. Man, Monica Lewinsky, man. That was a... Oh, she got to suck this in a utopia. That was it. Yeah, I just think it's interesting in how we retroactively try to cancel people for stuff we found. But we never try to, like, retroactively.

I don't forgive is the word, but hey, that's a great point. Sorry about that. We shunge you, you showed your titty, sorry about that. Come on back for season 30 of American Idol, Frenchie. Well, it's hard to remove a scarlet letter, you know? Yeah. I mean, once it's on there, it's kind of like, you know, it's like having a DUI charge. You know, it's still going to be on that Google top 10.

Oh, I know. Every time I go to Canada, they bring up the credit card from 98 that I stole. and it got worse like after the last election like do y'all say the word Trump am I allowed to say the word please help the help you but when Trump started

you know the transcription when Trump when Trump started fucking with them tariffs and all that immigration shit like Canadian customs like I've never been grilled the way I've been grilled in the last like year

just trying to get into that country wow over a credit card how about getting back in is it easy to get back in It's a piece of cake. Getting back in, I made jokes, my tour manager was furious at me. We were going through security and he goes,

the guy recognized me, he goes, Sam, how was that Canada? And I go, I know just some human trafficking. And my tour manager's like, what the fuck you're doing? It's still customs, you idiot. But they all laughed. I was like, all right, we're good. Yeah, they don't care on the way back. On the way back, you're good.

The way in, you got to be a little bit like, we'll be on our best behavior. I think also with Canada, though, it also matters what city you fly into. Which are the bad ones do you think? I think Toronto and Montreal are super. strict. Why is that? I don't know. I feel like just more Americans probably come there to party and goof off and do other shit. Right. Those are two pretty

damn good cities. Great towns. Vancouver I found to be very laid back in my not tripping in the lease. Like you have to get like to get like if you've been convicted of a felony in America that would get you more than 10 years in prison in Canada, you have to get paperwork to prove that you are no longer warns it for any crimes in America but you have to get that paperwork from every state in which you've ever resided oh yeah yeah that paperwork you have to physically go to that state to request that paperwork and then once you have all of that paperwork you send it to Canadian customs and then they review your application and decide whether or not you can come in to

tell the jokes at Montreal wow and so I kept coming back into Canada at different mile markers in that process but I hadn't fully yet done all of the forgiveness paperwork yet and like it is a fucking pain like Europe don't give a fuck like UK was cool but oh the flying into London is a bitch

now dude is it they made it harder for sure yeah there's this weird process yeah oh yeah you need a UK permit thing like you have to go online and if you get into the wrong line there's just get like if you get into that line they just throw you out of the country and they're like but I'm here what the fuck but

My age of them were just longed and just like, do not get in that line. I was like, all right. Did you go yet? No, this was last year. Oh, okay. Wow, weird. I didn't find it that weird.

They were pretty intense when I was there, but maybe they dialed it back a little, I don't know. Is it more because you were there for business and they're like, well, you were there for business? Yeah, yeah. The most I got was audiences like, what's up with your boy Trump? And I'm like, let me text them. I don't know.

Like, what do you want me to do? Yeah, but y'all are like touring on. Like, I'd show up for, like, I'm just now doing my first. solo shows in London in December. I normally show up as part, I always show up as part of a festival or I'm hired for BBC shit. And so I just have a sheet of paper from the BBC.

Mommy said I could come and read that. So I don't get finger-fucked the way you guys do. Well, with that BBC, who knows? But yeah, I know what you made. How is this CNN show going for you? It's good, man. Yeah, it's season two, right? Three, well, we're going into episode 30

by the end of this year, by the end of this run. You know it's a remake of the British show. And the British version's been running for 30 years. They love a panel show in England. Yeah, that's why we were nervous about this shit even working, but I'd already quit daily show. So I'm like, shit, may as well try it. Was there any fear leaving the daily show

or you kind of like, I've done my time there, I'm good. There was no fear. It's a comic. You know, like, every seven, eight years, you have to evolve or change or whatever. I mean, to me, the fear is part of what's happening now with Colbert, right? Where all the shit that's happening now,

I thought was going to happen three years. Like the Viacom Paramount merger, that's been in motion for years. Yeah. So when I decided to quit, I was like, oh, the merger's going to happen and then they're going to cut costs. And when you cut costs, you cut staff,

and the first staff you cut, it's the most senior staff. They're going to fire me. And if they get a new host, what if the new host doesn't like? Fuck it. I'm leaving now. And I'll find something else now

because it's an election year. Because if they're going to do a new show, you do it during an election year. And it's only been two new political satire shows. It was us and after midnight. That's the only thing that's been, and they're gone. That's political?

Well, it's late night, non-scripted panel, whatever. So the idea of if I'm going to find something after a daily show, So let me just find it now. But CNN's happy ratings and solid. It's a Saturday night show, so the bar is low in terms of what we need to do. Did you audition for it or were you just kind of pick for it?

I met with the producers. I'm sure they met with some other folks. And then we just discussed the concept. And then they made me an offer. But there was no like audition screen test or. That's amazing. So sick of those. Any of that of this shit.

And you probably get some sweet suits. Look at you. I don't know, man. They'd be stingy with them. Oh, man. What do you mean? Well, you know, you get fitted for really nice suits to wear on the show, but they all still stay

in like a wardrobe closet at CNN, so I don't really get them, but I stole all my daily show suits. Yeah, good for you. So you get, when you're on those shows, they just give you suits. Well, not CNN, because at least not yet, maybe season four, I'll get to keep the suits. But right now, the wardrobe lady has the keys to that.

Like, if I called her, right now hey let me get the green suit from episode 21 i'm gonna wear it on sherry shepherd well i don't know if we can let me see if i can get that cleared uh so it's a lot of that shit right right because if i'll fuck up the i don't know i don't know what they do with the suits i get them custom that like the cut for me it's not like unless you fucking replace me with keenan thompson who's it gonna fit you're not that big but can i ask a weird cultural question yeah all right so i've noticed that my my black brother and sticks with TV.

They like the industry and the honkies have gone more internet. I see like Jordan Fisher, he's a friend of mine, he used to open for me, and he's doing a YouTube special. And I was like, it's about fucking time. He's like, well, nobody would buy my special. And I'm like, welcome to our world. Like, we shot a YouTube special five years ago. Yeah.

I feel like less black guys shoot YouTube and they want to wait for that industry nod. I think there's still perceived value. in industry acceptance by some black comics that's part of it the other half is lack of knowledge or recon or sharing of resources

amongst black comics as well so the idea of shoot a YouTube special okay well how and what are you doing we'll tell it we'll tell anything because everybody asked like it just man I shot and uploaded no you didn't you set you worked it with clips and then you

chopped that 60 down in the 90 seconds and then you put those up at certain times and then you tagged it, you sponsored a couple of posts, like there was a full digital strategy. And YouTube is nothing like Facebook or Instagram where black people thrive, where a lot of black, and especially young ones thrive.

Like I would say somebody like, say Country Wayne would be a good example to back up what you're talking about. Yeah, country Wayne's huge. And then Netflix came knocking. And he's like, I'll take that. I'll take that a little bit of money. Well, we did the same thing. Because there's still some sort of press.

prestige to, oh, with the industry. Of course. When the truth is that the industry probably doesn't fucking matter that much. Well, you dip your toes in both worlds. I mean, I think Tim Dillon's a great example of that, a guy who, you know, built this huge internet following. But then, like, every once in a while, I was like, I should do a Netflix thing, you know, just to be in both worlds.

There's a value to that as well. So I did my third, I did my fourth special with Hulu. I was having me talked about it. The Hulu special, I could have done solo, but I opted to do it with Hulu. because they were just now starting to do stand-up, and I need audience. My biggest, the gift and curse of the daily show is that you only have time to do the daily show.

And then my first three specials were on Comedy Central, which I would argue, y'all were blessed to not get chosen by Comedy Central because they show your shit. They flush it down the toilet. Throw that bitch in the attic. They really were living like it was 1992. I know. They were really like, here's one airing

of that thing you worked for years on. Yeah. you feel crazy being like, hey, watch my shit at 11. On Friday. Yeah, on Friday. Done at 11. And you're like, I have plans. I'm not going to be it.

Yeah, exactly. And you're like, well, then you can't ever see it. Ever again. And then you have to do three cuts of it. Yeah. They're like, this is the short version. You're like, all right, this is fucking. LCI.

I guess I have to cut that tag. Commercial interruption. Yeah. Limited commercial. The standard. Yeah. Dude, it was insane. That's like a two week edit.

I know. A 50, a 47 and a 43. There you. Yeah. And the whole time, you're just like. I have to cut, like, I have to shorten a joke. I know. So the only way you see the 60 is if you watch it online,

assuming you have at that time, the Comedy Central app, then my second special was CBS All Access, then my third special was Paramount Plus. And there was a time when Paramount Plus first started, and you searched for my name, only one of the three specials came up. Jesus. So waiting on the coding,

waiting on the tech to catch up, it was fucking horrible. It was all a disaster. And I go, oh, well, Hulu has a network of shit, and overseas it'll air. That's the other thing. Comedy Central was geo, was... You couldn't watch it in Canada. Geo-fenced. So your shit didn't air in Europe for another four months because the American subscribers have first dibs on the... Because it's a cable model.

Dude, I was the first comic on Comedy Central to work out where I was like, you have to put my special on your website at least so people without cable can watch. and they were like deal and I said and no ads and they were like okay dude you looked it up I shit you're not there was like a three minute ad every two minutes yeah it was mental it was like I was like I was like dude we're competing with Netflix over here this was like the beginning of Netflix but I was like you got to like there's no ads there you got now ads are coming to all them now it's like you know I did my last one with Amazon and it was like the year I decided to go with Amazon, after I send the contract, they're like, oh, we're doing ads now

if everyone doesn't play the extra, like, $4 a month or whatever, and I was just like, fuck. You're better off on Al Jazeera. It's like, what are we doing here? Yeah, I would argue, though, for a lot of comics, I don't even think you need a special. I just think you need volume and repetition. Like, that's my approach starting next year.

So you're done with specials? I want to do a one-man show at some point, but I think the visuals of how I put that together got to be different. So I'm kind of studying Ali Sadiq. I'm studying Barbiglia. Jeff Ross. I just went to see his live joint,

the Banana Broadway show he's doing. Oh, yeah, yeah. So to see, well, what are all of the creative possibilities? But in the meantime, just stand up, you put out seven, eight minutes every other week. For me, I'm not Josh Johnson with it. I don't have that type of. That's crazy.

I hesitate to say autistic output. I'll say locked in. Yeah, there you go. That's how you say on the spectrum without saying. That boy locked in. Locked in. Locked in. So for me, I think any comic is better off just doing 15s every month or 20s every month.

I mean, that way you take the 15 or the 10-minute bit, you chop that bitch down until a couple 90 seconds to put it everywhere. We're basically programmed. We're network programmers for our own content. across multiple platforms but then you have to learn all of that and I don't think in the black comedy community there's nearly as much of a sharing of knowledge as it is on the white side and then there's also a lot of ageism on the black side I don't know how y'all how y'all wrong but like or earthquake should be way bigger but he's old okay so then you look at COVID COVID to me was a perfect time where black older black comics and you correct me of white comics was doing this shit too but in the black comedy community there's a lot of older black comics who have been talking mad shit about the instagram niggas and all the facebook cats and all the doing it too okay and so then then that fucking pandemic hit and you get to sit your ass down and all of a sudden you are right we're doing a little selfie camera yeah you should have been here with it

so i think that there isn't necessarily a sharing of resources or pooling together like there should be multiple 85 South shows. You know, Ryan Davis, forgive me, Ryan, for not remembering the podcast you were on, but he was talking about the fact that there's beef and black comedy, and there's so few black comics, and then y'all have

the audacity to beef, which is why there'll never be another Harlem Knights. Because you can't put all your differences aside to come and do one thing together. Well, even Cosby didn't like Eddie Murphy and then hated Richard Pryor? Yeah, but Eddie, but Eddie,

that rock you know that's true and then you know i think and then rock and chapelle it's like i think there is a you know a kinship but you're right i think i have seen like cat williams is talking about this too right he's also like talks a lot of shit yeah but cat cat williams is interesting though in that without knowing the numbers on other comedians i would say cat williams and kevin hart have probably created more homeowners in the black community than any other comedian interesting just in terms of volume of comics that have worked for them Like, I mean, Cat carries usually, like, four openers. But they hate each other, Cat and Kevin, right?

As far as last I checked, what day is it today? Some days they're at peace, the next day, Mike Epps, and then it's always you thought they broke it a truce. Yeah, you thought they broke it a truce, and then someone throws a missile at another camp. I just, I don't know, man, I hate it, but I try to talk to the youngans to figure out what they're doing, what their outlook is on the ship. it because you got to grow it because at the end of the day I mean CNN's a blessing but all this shit

he gets snatched from you know and that's what I that's why the internet that's why I put like Ali Sadiq you mentioned and Josh Johnson two guys on YouTube two guys killing it

yeah so you meet like like you talk to Ian Laura I'm like get a pod going do a YouTube he does a pod doesn't he I don't think he does I think he does

oh shit well check this pod you know also though it's I think you know you're right yeah he's got one we adult love with Ian Laura I've never heard it and i can't wait to start listening well i love i and so anyway anyway he's been so industry

guy he's waiting for hbo spanish or he's doing other stuff you know i mean look it's it's a grind man it's it's a grind but that's why we do have to kind of have each other's backs because you see these the specials i think you're right are going to go down and down each year because who at a certain point it's going to be like comedy movies where it's like we got a backlog we're good we don't need like why are they not making comedy movies they're it's like when Rayne Wilson was here. People are watching the office still. People, they'll rewatch a Cigura special or something. We don't need to buy this many. Like, they'll buy them still, but not at the same clip, I don't think. And so you do have to help each other because the internet's not going

anywhere. We can keep putting out clips, specials. I'm still kind of married to the idea of specials. I like working towards something that at the end of the tour, after you hit everywhere, you hone it, you make it better as you go. And then you, here it is. And you present that. And you have a body of work. And it lives forever. represented is where the rules now change right and so if you're waiting for industry to choose you you got to have an audience first before they'll even consider you have for the that's true so it right you have to build audience and so I feel like a daily show there was there was a comfort there there's there's definitely a degree of comfort because every year I was

basically on an overall deal of the Comedy Central so all my scripted shows every script I sold every movie I sold was through Paramount and then I had Daily Show and every time I re-up with Daily Show you give me another special and ah man but nobody watched that one but you paid me a little bit more for this one so all right I'll stay with your coach ah nobody really watched that one but you pay me even more for this third one I'll stay around and you lose eight years of audience traction because for whatever numbers I guarantee you whatever the fuck numbers my first special day I bitch I'll tell you the it's public nilson

My second special was the highest rated premiere for a special at Comedy Central. And I think I did maybe a 0.7 share, which is 700,000 people. Oh, that's good for KAPA. That's fucking YouTube numbers. Yeah, but how do you know how many of those people are like flipping the channel?

But that's point seven. Sleepin with the TVR. And let's just say DVR plus three, which for the. industry for the folks who are the industry they do ratings on how many people watch that night and then within the next three days how many people watch it in their DVR Dvr Dvr plus three for me was maybe a point nine so but then what about like the first one can they watch like father figure is that on YouTube

now it's YouTube free now but that's okay that much help but the numbers of my my old specials on YouTube are higher than what they ever were cumulatively that's what I'm saying on broadcast yeah it's because it's easier to click a link than it is to set a fucking timer okay so then i should have took fucking 30k and shot that bitch myself and if i'd shot that bitch myself in 2016 what the fuck would that number be by now million it'd be it'd be five six million yeah but you know what the the business was changing and we didn't know we didn't know like you mark mark and i had youtube success with our 2020 specials but it was an act of desperation it wasn't like business savvy on our part it was like i'm done

with this hour, it's either this. But that's where the innovation comes, which is why, like, yes, I need to quit. I quit. What are you going to do? I don't fucking know. Yeah. But anyway, you can see Roy's new special on CNN at midnight on Wednesday. Which I would never.

You know who did a special on CNN and it made sense? CQ. Yeah, Colin Quinn. I was like, this is the right place for that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but more people should have seen it. Yeah, red and blue. But more people should have seen that one. Yeah, yeah. Colin is so so good he's one of my favorite but for what these networks pay for an hour and what you could shoot

it for yourself but you only feel that confidence if you're empowered with the informational monetization most cats ain't sharing that knowledge there's no master class for how to do stand-up shit we'll share it step over the race line who talks to the white sure fucking shoot us a DM or something Any young comic who's like really, really wants it, I'll fucking answer your idea. But see, it's the old ones that need it. Like, there's comics that still make flyers and post-G pigs as their sole way of reaching people. I'm like, okay, but you need a clip, man, you need some... You hear that, Rich Voss.

Don't sell DVDs out of your trunk. I just, I don't know, I hate it. I hate it that there's not an evolution. Like, I know. Well, you're speaking into action, man. Maybe people will, like, I think your energy has always been, like, you know, let's talk, let's help each other. I think that's what we hopefully are putting out there as well, you know.

Do you ever hit a wall of, do you ever hear the wall of not wanting to help people anymore for feeling like you haven't helped yourself enough? like I feel like my reputation in the industry amongst comics is nice guy helpful yeah okay cool I try to help when I can and oh you need to know how to work this oh you hit a problem with a book or here is what I think you should do but then I start thinking well you know what if I can learn all of this and if I sit down with you I give you all of this fucking game and you don't apply it it infuriates me

it fucking infuriates me because why did you ask I know what you mean where it's like these people sometimes that they're like hey can I pick your brain you're like yeah sure and then they just kind of talk at you and I'm like oh you didn't well you just wanted to complain

yeah so I have a day job and two dogs so I can't really get out to open mics but I still want to how do I get a manager and you're like well you got it right and get up and hone it and find a voice but also you also you just have to be like with your time because you feel like you wasted your time then right so you have to be like is this person you have to open with will you take this seriously yeah and then if they don't then they don't but you have to just like i guess use your judgment

there oh it's a comic down south my fucker told me he moving to new york to he has an agent and manager that's what i'm saying i'm like okay well the way to get one is to build an audience for yourself by the way what is the manager going to do if you have no fucking audience you have to an act yeah like just try to make try to make something happen but i'm not taking advice from you you were at the daily show too long yeah yeah i just i allow my comedy for the opportunities that the daily show and selling scripts allow me i traded having my stand-up siloed for a decade right three specials that cumulatively don't even touch what my hulu special did globally wow that's That's on me.

You know what I'm saying? So first thing you do is reshoot all of those jokes. I don't remember who gave me that. Taylor Griff that shit. I don't know who gave me that. Yeah, re-record all the songs. I'm going to re-record all three of my specials. You've got to relearn all those beats, so that's tough.

It's hard. Oh, my gosh. You've grown from that guy. Yeah. Because the day you finish a special, yes. The joke is gone. Also, there's some facial expressions I make in early specials.

I'm like, I don't fuck. fucking do that anymore. You ever see a face you make? You're like, and I'm just like, what the fuck was that shit? Yeah, yeah. I remember I did, Amy Schumer produced both Mark and I's first hour special on Comedy Central. There's the only haven't even looked at our hours back then. And I remember she was like, people were animated in this joke.

And you see a couple, there's a couple if you watch that where I'm just like, you know. You're goofy white guy face. Yeah. She said, you don't smile. You're a serial killer. I was like. I remember. Yeah.

Amy Hatchew fucking Oh, she was so good with Mason and stuff. Yeah. She was so good with like expressions on the show and stuff so then I think she wanted, she was just trying to help

but it was like, but it wasn't us. She can act too. We can't really act. We got a fucking chance. But yeah, like that's, that's what I think more comics should do is just go,

hey, here's what I do and I think this works and helps me with monetization or helps me reach more people. And I just don't think that a lot of, of comics, older comics, I don't think that they are all convinced that they need to learn that. Yeah, I know.

You know what I mean? Well, it's like a second job, dude. And it's like, we all talk about the fears of AI and stuff with like, you know, replacing our stand-up. But like, there might be benefits to some of this shit with marketing and stuff where it can take some of the load off us, I hope. I don't know. I'm just trying to have the mystic here. So at Montreal this year, we gave George Wallace to like a.

a lifetime achievement or like he got some big super duper highest trophy you can get he deserves it yeah he's a funny dude and I'm doing I'm writing his introduction I just start looking at the decades of work he's put in and that motherfucker

evolved and pivoted every time he's probably somebody could Google it I would bet you he is the oldest comedian on Twitter that's active oh damn I'm trying to think of old maybe Lewis Black I don't know the age

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works for your stand-up. But George Wallace, man, he has three generations of people coming to see him. And then you only do that if you can reinvent constantly. Like, I feel like Gaffigants hit a second wave and went back to the fan pool to get another wave of young talent. Like John Witherspoon,

he used to have droves of, like, grandchildren. at the show, like three generations. Movies in the boondocks held. Correct. Right. Yeah. But it's like, what do you do as a stand-up to keep find in the audience? And so if you're a comic of a certain age talking about a certain thing, then somebody under

that age ain't fucking with it. And if you outlive your audience or you outlive your audience's desire to continue to go see live shit, if you put the floor at 60, maybe 65, unless you're the king or you're the king of all the 65, like, unless you're Seinfeld where everybody over 50 fucks with you, then you're losing, like, because like when you're a comic in your 30s, I would argue the swath of customers is probably 25 to 55. And as you get older, your floor comes up. And then at a certain point, you're just the guy that if your humor has not evolved and you're not talking about new or younger shit, 22 and 24 year olds, I'm going to come

That's true. And so how do you reinvent and or expand your reach within the demographic that fucks with you? Yeah. Those are the only two ways to sustain. Right. If we're talking about going into decade number three in your career, then at some point, you've got to find more people because less people are going out after a certain fucking marlmarker.

But don't you feel like with the internet, you can go, who is this guy? They can find you. If you put your shit online, young people can find. If you put it, if you put it out. it out yes that's what you got to do you're not making those TikToks where you're just like i'm sad you're still on those faces i'm sad and then people like this guy's talking about mental health i reach the young people right right yeah you just got a little fucking chaparone over it yeah i don't know man find the shit you like to do figure out the platform where it lives best and do that shit over

and over again yeah yeah yeah for sure so i don't know but i do think that people like you find new people every day with like an old clip even it'll be like oh who's this guy oh yeah well cyphill I opened for him and he was like thank God for commencing cars I don't know if I'd be relevant without it I'm like your show comes on 17 times a day you're fine you're gonna be fine it's a new thing he had to reinvent yeah to find a new thing man and I wonder if he even knew that that's what he was doing when he did it when he started it that shit was a website it was on like crackle crackle crackle was just some fuck off like I'm not shitting on crackle but like this wasn't like yeah I'm gonna do it here right we're gonna get a

acquired and we're going to do ADF. How about did Jerry not get a better network than Crackle? Maybe that's just shit, that's a good question. Funny or Die was still popping back then, right? Yeah. But it's also weird that like, I mean, I literally just thought a Crackle is like that Halloween candy. Oh, that shit? That with Mr.

Goodbar and the Hershey's Dark. The dark, the red one. Yeah. Crackle Dude. Love Crackle. Chapter 7 bankruptcy for Crackle TV. Damn. I'm so Southern. You say Crackle. I think Crackland's which is pork rinds yeah damn wow jerry really slumming it with crackle but they probably gave

him an assload of money and that's and people still watched it there were no ads right you just clicked on it yeah and the episodes were only 10 minutes so there was no science to it even being created to live anywhere but crackle yeah like he just didn't give a fuck man it was a weird show when it came out like you're going to be driving around what this communes and cars and coffee but he loves he loves cars it was like a way to just Just like, I like, oh, I like this shit. Exactly. Find what you love, find a place where it can live, and do it over and over again.

Yeah, then by the end of it, he's got Murphy on, Chappelle on, like, you know, all the big time. That Murphy one was good. Right. That was a good app. I won't name names, but you can tell the episodes of comedians and cars where he doesn't give a fuck about who he's with. Oh, yeah. And then you're like, why did he ask him on? I don't think he asked him.

I feel like that was some Netflix. Look, like, hey, listen, we need to get this person in there. Right. They're new, they're good. You'll like them. He's like Aziz, what? Who's sorry? Yeah.

Legit. Like, it's like shit like that where it's like these are legends, but he just doesn't know him because they're not in his bubble. He had Patton Oswald on and we just had Patent. We're fans. And he was like, so you do that like weird kind of comedy. You're like a weird alternative guy. And he's like, what? I've been around for 35.

That's a 2003 question for Patton. Yeah, yeah. What's this new alt? Yes, exactly. Brian Pulsane, tell me about. So you can tell he wasn't too familiar with his work. Yeah, you know, I think Seinfeld shines best when he's talking with people he actually connects with and cares about. Look at that shit, 13, 11 seasons.

He's on 11 seasons? Unbelievable. Holy shit. I rewatch this all the time. I like him with Jervais. That was great. They have good chemistry. They have two of those.

There's Jamie Fox. That was a fucking great one. Great one. That's Doug Williams. Just kidding. with Jamie doing voiceover A little commentary Doug you can't even do well in a car right now

Is all that shifting? Seinfeld doesn't like me Also another great thing about this show He had Rickles He had Jerry Lewis He had Carl Reiner And then now they're all dead So like we have another little moment with those guys

That is a beautiful thing like Terry Gross on fresh air You can look up like Terry Gross interviewing like Henny Youngman She's interviewing a Hennie Youngman She's talking to fucking what's his name Jackie Mason These interviews you were just like

And it's amazing because it's shit that you don't like Look was Jackie Mason's comedy for me? No but he still say shit that that connects You still like he's a comic He's a comic so you're like wow you get stuff from all these I remember when Richard Bellsor died They re-released that fresh air with him and Terry Gross And he was so good in the interview

I sent it to you Yes I sent it to you And list but it's cool man But you're right, it's like these need to live somewhere, especially with the OGs. Like, Rickles was still fucking great. You boys have been to the Comedy Museum in Jamestown. I have.

I have. I think I'm in it somewhere. I think I did like an interview for it or something. It's hard to get to. Yes. But it's worth it. I got to go. It's two hours from the nearest airport.

Like if you go, if you go Erie or if you go Erie or Buffalo, Erie PA or Buffalo, it's in Jamestown, New York, it's Lucille. It's Lucille Ball's hometown. That's right. Remember that ugly statue of Lucille Ball pull it up? Oh, yeah. It was like the worst statue ever. I know they're hard to make and they're expensive, but look at this shit. But, nah, that shit look like Ronaldo.

It does look like Ronaldo. It looks like the Ronaldo statue. God damn. But what are the highlights of the... Lucille Ball locked in. Oh, they redid it. Look at that. Oh, thank God.

Lucille was a... She got a BBL. He was a beautiful lady. Beautiful lady, Redhead. But yeah, shout out to Lucille, because the museum was originally a tribute to her. And then she told the people who were building the museum, fuck that, make it a tribute to all of comedy. Wow. And it's literally Smithsonian-level artifacts.

Yeah. I think they have Dangerfield suit. Yes, they have a bunch of comedy suits in there. So it's like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but for comics. Yeah, but it walks you through each era of comedy and style of comedy and comedians who dominated that style they don't like set them up in like a Mount Rushmore or anything like that but there's like they they have like a whole exhibit just on working blue right and comics who cursed and so then they have a letter this is the stool that Bobby Stylid and sniffed after

a woman went to the bathroom they have they have letters that Lenny Bruce wrote while he was locked up and it's bits this motherfucker is locked up for jokes and he's in jail writing bits that's fucking beautiful. That's a powerful thing right there. Pages of Carson jokes and scripts and transcripts and like teleplays or whatever. Dude, I got to go to this. It's great. I was going to for.

Blazing Saddles first draft just on display like the Constitution with the light treated glass so it doesn't get sun faded. It's legit a good fucking time. Like if you give a fuck about jokes, they got, it covers everything right up to I say a About how young he was. Malaney, yeah, about Malaney, Kevin Hart is where Time Mind, Kings of Comedy is in there. Oh, yeah. We got to donate money to move this thing to Queens or something.

Bro, it would be a line out the door every day if it were closer. But it really is, like, my point is, comedians and cars is the closest thing to this. Uh-huh. In terms of immortalizing conversations with comedians. Yes. They were, like, behemists of their era or whatever. But it's fascinating, man. That is freaking cool, man.

Larry Sanders' desk. That is, oh. That's amazing. I was pretty hungover when I walked through, so I feel like I didn't get a full. I was there, I think, like, two years before they built it because I was there for that festival. Yeah, the Lucille Ball Festival.

Yeah. And I performed in the Copa Cabana. Yes, yes. And I saw a buzz Brian Regan walk in. I was like, fuck, don't. bomb in front of Regan, dude. Yeah. And, no, it's fun as hell, though.

I mean, they're good people who started this. Oh, the puffy shirt with the fucking Emmy. Yeah, Seinfeld. Yeah. Imagine winning so many Emmys, you can just go home, my fuck. I put that one in you. But it's like, it is weird when places like, are in, like, the basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, Massachusetts.

And you're like, you can't put it in like a slightly Cooper's Town for baseball? Cooper's Town. Oh, that's even harder to get. These are fucking impossible. to get to. Yeah. Cheap land. I went to, this is shame, as much as a baseball fan I am,

only went because I had to interview Bob Costas for that Roku home run doc earlier this year. And that was a three-hour ride from New York. There's no plane. Why is Costas not on TV anymore? He was so good. I don't know. I thought he still pops in here and there and does special. He's in there, but he's a legend.

He was a great, great broadcaster. And he was very intelligent. Anytime you hear him go into depth on stuff, you're like... If I were Bob Costas, I would be content in picking and choosing when I, you know... Sure. Yeah, I'll call that game. Right. You know, yeah, let's that game of the week.

No, I get that back out of the hand. I said, Yankees, Phillies World Series. Yeah, give me game two. I believe he just calls in and just calls his shift. Everybody's just happy to have him. Well, what is your most prized comedy memorabilia? Do you guys have something? god damn all right you go first what do you get well let's see

clearly got something in mind right i have a photo with norm and a text that he sent to a friend of mine that said i saw this comic he's hilarious mark norman so i've put the text whoa that's pretty cool that was great uh what else do i have this is going to sound really corny but when i was in high school i went to see david tell carolines and he autographed the playbill for me and that was like and i still have that so That's like, that's sentimental because I was like, you know, my favorite comic and he was cool then. He's even cooler now. That's great.

It's not framed yet, but I have a picture with Arsenio Hall from the Emmys, 2023. Wow. O3 Star Search. I bombed. Pull it up. And I got ready. Oh, you can't find it, baby. You got a scrub?

Good publicity team. Star Search 2003. You Rob Delanyed this? Exactly. All you can find is me telling you. in the story of Star Search. You can't even find the clip. Yeah, you got Letterman.

That's 07, you bitch. You can't find any episodes of Star Search online. I don't know if you can stream it. Kevin Brennan was still lurking around. I did Star Search 03. That Chappelle was a host. Yeah. And I was getting ready to cuss out B2K.

Because, you know, I bombed, but you're, like, defensive because people are telling you you suck. Right. And you don't know how to react. And I'm new to television. I'm like, well, motherfucker. And I'm, like, getting ready to cuss him. And Arsenio just, like, gently pulls me back.

He just, and, like, through his teeth, he just goes, uh-uh. Oh, that's a friend. Save my ass, bro. Damn. And, like, that's one of those things where, you know, Scarlet Letter, there's no coming back. You're just forever the guy who cussed out Naomi Judd and two young teenage rappers. It's an embarrassment. Ironically, that would go viral now and would help you.

But back then, that was, you'd be out of the business. It wouldn't help you. It wouldn't go viral, though. Yeah. I don't think of, no one's building a career off that. I got a thank you letter from Letterman for the moment. Whoa. Hey, that's a good one.

That's honestly a career highlight is I did the couch on Letterman on Netflix. And that was like, that was like a career highlight because I was like, I always want to do Letterman. I was bummed when it ended. I just wanted to do stand-up on it. So I think it's cool as hell that you. Mark and I always like talk about how we missed out on that. And, uh... Oh, wait.

Oh, shit. We got the whole up here, baby. Oh, my. fucking lord oh man i hope it's not me keep going i'm in the back third if it's the comedy part because it was me john hafron and alonzo boden nope that's finesse no no that's um d s anders no that's stephen scott dude that's stephen scott but the guy before him was

ds sanders out of detroit um this is the week that was the semifinals week before yeah oh you're close you're close by you're way better than salacus This. My shit is the week after that episode, because I studied DS to figure out what to do, and clearly I didn't do shit that he did to fucking survive. Or Stephen Scott, I mean. Stephen Scott did a lot of impressions and stuff. Yeah, there were a lot of good guys on there.

I think Ben Bailey did it. Jamie Lissau. Oh, wow. It was a good bunch. This is Post-Dead McMahon. Yeah. Okay, because that's when I was watching. John Heffron.

He was in the mix. This is pre-last comic, though. Yeah, that's right. I think contest comedy is like a different skill set, though. Oh, completely. Like, in terms of joke structure, you got to be broad and fast. Yes, yes, exactly. Like, Kaplan back in the day was so good at those because he was quick.

He would, like, go up and tag your joke and you're like, motherfucker, what the hell? I know what he had that was such a good one? Remember his joke where he's like, I'm a marriage, it's an open marriage, it's a divorce. We took a broken glass, we put it back together. I was like, these are so quick these jokes. He would just hate you and hit you and hit you and you're like, God damn. Caps was so funny. We toured together for Last Comic Standing.

And with Johnigan and DeStefano, right? Johnigan, DeStefano, and Felipe Espars. Wow. What a lineup. That's a good five, man. So it was 80 cities. So every city there was somebody that, like, which one of us is they're going to hate? Right, right.

Because there was almost no show where all five of us did well. Well, you're so different. Yeah, you pick a demographic, and it was just odd. And I remember Mike Kaplan did a joke, and he goes, I went to, and this is like Montgomery or Greensboro, North Carolina. It's some random. And I went to a fast food spot in order to drink. And they said, I'd like a small. And they said, we only have medium and large.

I said, well, if all you have is medium, then you're medium, therefore, is a small. And like, crickets. I'm not doing the joke justice. They're like, fucking nerd. Yeah. Yeah, but that was the sentiment of the crowd. Get the Jew. But then we would get up.

That joke just of the tone of, I've proven a point. Exactly. Indubitably. But then we would get up to like Boston and Rhode Island and like places where there's like a Jewish population. Yeah. And then I get on stage. Man, a police be pulling us over, don't they? And they're like, no.

Right, right. Not us. We haven't looked into that. You know what? While we're waiting for this, why don't you pull up the thing that I sent you? No, I'm serious. I don't know if you can find that clip because I call them the Internet to make sure that a clip of me bombing. Do you have the thing I send you, Matt?

Okay, Mark's birthday is this week, so I got him a little something. And this is obviously pre-recorded. Is that the house dude that went to jail? Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray. I thought that was Chris. This is, this is up to the amazing Mark. Norman. It is Mark McGrath from the band, Sugar Ray.

Off the charts. But away. in our hearts. This is two minutes long. Oh, stay with it. Speaking of always in our hearts, I understand from your friend Sam that you, Mark, are celebrating a bit of a milestone

very, very soon. And that is another trip around the sun for you, Mark, otherwise known as a birthday. That's correct. Sam was kind of a flubby now that you are turning 62 years ago. So Sam and I want to, say to you, Mark Norman, happy, happy birthday, my brother. We hope you have the best birthday

of all time. We hope it's filled with love and joy and happiness and family and friends and music and dancing like no one's watching and food and drink and cake and gifts and all those things Mark Norman that make a birthday so very, very special. Because Sam let me know how special you are. Sam, let me know that you're a gigantic, huge fare of the music of sugar. You love the music of cigarette. You had the frost and tips and all of that. Well played. And you have sparrow tattoos on your shoulder.

Because Mark Norman, you just wanted to be Mark McGrath. And who did it? And who does it? But there only can be one. It only means. You spell your name with the K, Mark. Because those who spell their names with the C are a different breed, but I know you know that. Also, see, I'm wanting me to congratulate you on something, Mark.

And it's kind of, it's kind of sensitive. But it's something we both have in common. Sam says, congratulations on your penis reduction surgery. And as we both know, Mark, it's a very, very dangerous procedure. Oh, wow. Because both of our cocks were just too big. And being an Irishman, we're not known for our big dicks. But mine was gigantic, dude, gigantic, especially for an Irishman.

Mine was at least six and a half, so now I'm coming in about two and a quarter. He's running with it. Yeah. Sam said you're about. A buck and a half now, inch and a half. So would you give him a couple of bullet points that you ran with? Oh, that's great. I'm glad you got through it.

It's a tough operation. This is glorious. But guys, the big dicks like us, man, it's across the bear. Especially if you're really handsome like me. I don't know you, Mark, if you're handsome or not. Yeah, I think I do. I think I've seen some of your stuff. You are handsome.

You are funny. And you are brilliant. I'll take it. Happy birthday, Mark, Mark. All the best to you. Sam, I'm wondering which of your funny community friends, Sam is. There's a few of them. And your new friend.

I didn't give a last name. Happy 62nd birthday, but you're probably not a day over 41. Lots of love to you. Sorry about your saints, but I'm a giant fan. Happy birthday, Mark. Take care, man. From Sam. Hey.

He killed it, man. Thank you. What a guy. That's great. Hey, he fucking killed it, I thought. I just want to fly. Yeah. After watching that.

Wow. Who knew? Who knew? We're on the way up. He knows you. He killed it, though. God bless him. That was great. I didn't know he had the humor. He's a funny guy.

He was fun. Thank you. We needed something fun. I appreciate it. Cameos are fun. I thought cameo was over. No, it's rocking. All right.

Well, shit. I was between him and, uh, I was like, who's a good, who's a good rando here for you? That was very rando. Well, played. Well, dude. Now I got to get you on. No, no, no, just keep ping and ponging. Let's ping pong. Let's ping pong some random ass cameos.

Hit me with the lead singer of a OMC. Oh, you got it. I'm going to call Kevin Pollock or somebody. You got a book out, dude. Yeah, pre-order. Is this your first book? First ever. I never wrote shit in my life, but this is good because it's all, like, pain and, like.

Oh, wow. It's not dark, but it's my pop star when I was 16, so it's just lessons I learned from other men along the way. Wow, Nick Cannon's kids are the same story. I just, I literally just heard him on a podcast say he has narcissistic personality. disorder. I saw that. And I was like, you have 13 kids. You have 13 kids. Yeah. We could have told you you had

a narcissistic personality disorder. You wanted 13 more of you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he admitted that he wish it could have played out differently, but God bless him for having the money to at least try and make it functional. Money's not going to buy you the time, but.

Sure. Yeah. But yeah, my pops, you know, I'm the 9th of 11 kids. I'm my mom's... That's crazy. I'm my mom's only kid, but I'm the 9th of 11. So you just don't. don't get the nobody like after a certain number of kids no one gets the same dad right right does that make sense okay all right five through eight get this version of pops I got that version

the two after me got a totally different version like it's just after you he was like I'm retiring I'm done yeah pretty much but yeah man it's it's it's it's a it's a good read man I think that Roy's a great writer man definitely check it out I'm gonna check it out a fascinating story how did you Did you get any attention? I mean, how do you do that with, how do you guys eat? I mean, that's a lot of kids. No, it's just me and my mom. We lived with my dad, but they slept in separate rooms.

My parents were like, we're together for discipline so that he doesn't end up in a gang. Wow. But just don't bring none of them holes over here. Right. That was like the, that was the line in the sand between the two of them. So that's not a normal upbringing, especially when you start trying to figure out, well, what does love look like and how. Oh, will I show it to my son when I find someone? You know, so you have to like start working through all of that shit, bro.

Totally. That's the part that sucks about writing a book is that you have to like, all right, well, what's wrong with me? And it's not for comedy purposes. You're just writing. You're just looking at yourself. Yeah. Oh, that's no fun.

Yeah. You know when you're getting a haircut and you're like, I got to look at this the whole time? Yeah, the mirror. I hate the mirror. Yeah. God. The last go come out here. Way too far out.

What are we doing here? Oh, yeah. I've got to get a haircut. What are some fatherhood lessons you've learned? I mean, for me, man, one of them was about just not snitching. It's because it's not even just about fatherhood, as much as it is, the idea of here the values you need to learn as a man. There was a comic I used to work with, RIP to Spanky Brown.

I open for him once in Knoxville. Oh, it's side splitters. It's sidesplitters. We were together the night that Whitney Houston died. and Jeremy Lynn went for 38 on the Lakers And I'm betting money Spank had a joke about Whitney He did

And he was a good dude I remember those are some of the best dark jokes Were like You took a bath on that weekend Being on state Like being at a club But comedians right after like some tragedy There was some comic I opened for

The day Payne Stewart died And his jet crashed And he was like Payne Stewart coming in at 6 under And I was like Oh Oh fuck There was

I won't say her name Because people get mad now But if I can Heidi Floyd No this is a black woman comic I performed in Macon like three days after 9-11 And she walks on stage With like the most amazing jewelry

It's just glistening She goes y'all like my jewelry Yeah I stole it off bodies at ground zero Oh, my God. Damn. I was like, fucking fuck. Jesus did it hit?

First joke. That's how she came out the gate. I respect that. But Spanky, man. The second joke hit 15 minutes later. So Spank and I were riding down. It's the story I's on the book, but we were riding down to a gig, and the Booker called to cancel. The booker, we're performing at a competing club.

And you know how those one-night guys. They're very, you don't perform over there. You're one of my guys. How dare you perform over there? I hated that, dude. Fuck you. You haven't booked me in a year. I'm performing over there.

Fuck your room. And the guy calls me for, he doesn't know me and Spank you're in the car together. He calls me first to get me to quit to not do the room. And I'm like, I don't think about, I'm 22. Right. Spank at this time, he's like 40, 45. He's a fucking grown man.

And the guy called Spank to try and get him to cancel to basically suffocate. the computer room. It's two hours before the show. Yeah, come on. And you're trying to kill the comedy night at the computer room. And Spank goes, you motherfucker. You ain't gave me no. And he cusses this fucking dude out, topped about, like

a 20 minute just tirade and I'm just fucking white knuckle. Like, that's not how you talk to our bosses. Wow. And he goes, motherfucker ain't none of these motherfuckers, your boss. You your boss. They are fucking co-collaborators. Wow. And it

fucking, it changed how I looked at. It changed how I look at the idea that anybody, at least in entertainment, has any control over your career because they try to, all these bookers act like, they're the key. Yes. Be nice to me, and I'll unlock all the doors for you kid and spank cuss that motherfucker top the bottom.

And I've been all right ever since. He was an all right dude. I like Spanky, man. He was cool. Yeah, he, his other mistake to me, or at least what I learned from him, was the importance of dating the right person while you do this. And like the idea that if you have someone, especially if you got a hard job and you with somebody that don't support you

or will just get out of your way, you can't be with them. And I had a front row seat to a lot of that dysfunction. I kind of get into that a little bit in the book. But it's like the idea of you don't even realize how much the person even if y'all just fucking like even if it's just casual they can't bring stress into what you do because this shit is already stressful enough and like understanding that part

what's unfortunate is those women are really good in bed those crazy ones are fucking dying I feel like you got like five in your head right now oh yeah I gotta call them gotta get back with Judy yeah yeah

yeah no the women I'm with hate men way more than Judy Yeah, the importance of if you're going to be with somebody choosing somebody that actually compliments what you do or in support of it, they ain't got to be your lean, man, but damn, you can't be no spoiler either. That goes for everything. It goes for partnerships. It goes for, like, working relationships. It goes for, be with someone who makes your life easier and who's loyal and good and, you know. I struggle with that on the professional side, like hiring people. It's like, I don't know if you're going to, especially if I'm hiring you for some shit, I know how to do. Right.

I'll just, it's fine. I'll not get out. I'll stay up until three in the morning. I'll edit my own videos. Right. Yeah, but you can't. You need that time to live. You got to do shit.

Yeah. What I do is my wife, we have an eight-month-old, and I'm always on the road. So I just walk in with the check. I hold the check on the walk-in because she's probably like, God damn, I've been changing diapers, getting screamed at, and I just go, there it is. And she's like, all right, all right. You're like, all right. You're like, all right. I want us to wire that money.

I want it golf style. I want it this big. Exactly. Happy Goldhorn check. You see that shit where they went broke and they're cutting off everybody's money? No. Bitch, publishers clearinghouse filed for bankruptcy. What?

And all the people who were promised $5,000 a week for life, there's a, yeah, we ain't got it. All those people that were going to get Bobby Bonilla paid just got... Dude... They've been getting checked since the 90s. Bankruptcy's a bitch. Yeah, publishers click. They make their money off magazines. I'm owed some money from a studio.

I'm owed a decent amount of money from a studio that went bankrupt. And I was like, my buddy is also owed who I wrote it with. And we're just like, really? Yeah, come on. But that's what bankruptcy is. It's like, we don't have to pay you. We're bankrupt. Fuck here.

Yeah, sorry. Ha-ha. Damn. Yeah. But the people are. like trying to sue and shit, but I always feel like if you've gotten $5,000 a week

for a while? Yeah. Yeah, but a deal's a deal, right? I mean, it's all... Yeah, I mean, it deals a deal until I don't have the... I make money from magazines. Nobody's reading fucking handheld magazines anymore?

You know, I kind of want to go back. I was thinking about going back to newspaper because I'm at like the airport or something. I get magazines, I get it. For some reason, it's only an airport thing now for me. But I was like, I kind of like it. I read more when I'm holding it as a post on my phone.

Because you look at all. articles that you wouldn't have normally clicked the link to. Uh-huh, true. And you're not distracted to scroll out in a phone and get a go with a text. Yeah. I'm all I'm, dude, I'm going back to hard. It's a good shield

too. Like, my dad would read the paper every day and that paper was up you couldn't get around it. Like, you couldn't go, hey, dad, ah, the paper was up. So it was like a nice block. Sound like you need to write a book. He was tough. We'll plug some dates too, dude.

Buy Roy's new book and get on Amazon, right? Yeah, we're telling some stories on tour. It's not like a... Because I hate the word book tour because it suggests that I'm just going to be, hey, it's just sitting on stage and I'm pontificating. No, but telling stories.

We're telling stories from the book, make the shit funny, put some openings in that bitch. More importantly, everybody who comes to the show this fall gets a book. That's pretty cool. It's baked into the price of the ticket. I love it.

All right. Come watch the shit. I'm pretty much everywhere but the Midwest for writing. Well, no, no, I'm in the Midwest. I'm fucking with Milwaukee in Minnesota and I think St. Louis is some shit. No, Charlotte and Durham. Nice.

Yeah, I don't have a lot of West Coast. We get in California at it soon. We got SF on there and Seattle on there. Yeah, man. Beautiful. Yeah, indeed, man. But, yeah, love you boys, man. Hey, you guys are the best.

I'm fucking having me, man. Yeah, thanks for coming on. Get the book, everybody. Check out Roy on tour. Where are we starting this? I'm in Paris tonight. You probably already missed that. Amsterdam, Berlin, back in Salt Lake City.

Second time this year. Wise guys, November 14th through 16th. Love that club. Them in Reno at the Atlantis Casino, November 29th, Carnegie Hall, December 4th. Hope to see you there. Punchup. Dot live slash Samarrell slash tickets. You know, punchup.

dot live slash Mark, what do you got, man? Well, I just did Huntsville this weekend. I know you're an Alabama guy. What are you, Birmingham? Yeah, Burman. Yeah. Tickets aren't moving. But hey, Valley Center, Harris,

then I'm in Magoobie's, Mall, Baltimore, Lincoln Theater, Chocolate City. Going back to Rochester for a makeup, Niagara Falls, San Diego, and Pryor Lake. Another better than a casino to get that cash grab and a real bomb. So, yeah, come on out. It's a good combo. Yeah, get some bodega. Bodega catwiskey.com or just DM, MASSADM. at a bodega cat whiskey on

Instagram if you want it in your liquor store and your bar because we're making some moves you want to be there with you shout out comedy store for putting us on the menu and moving it comedy seller we love you strip house steakhouse fucking what else shade in the village Martin's wine cellar in New Orleans

so many good no many places carrying it now and we're grateful please hit us up if you want especially you're a comedy club hit us the fuck up dude yeah let's get that shit in Canada they were all asking for it they don't have it Tariffs, Trump. I'm going to sneak it in. Twink, Carney.

I'd take it up there for you, but they ain't going to let me. I'll do a little more paperwork. Bye Roy's book, guys, and see him on tour. We love you guys. Yeah, comedy. Sunday's a day for my next fender. A bit of fever wreck. You know the future's close.

I've had a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way

We might be true