We Might Be Drunk - Ep 259: Daniel Sloss - Thanksgiving Treat

Episode Date: November 24, 2025

It's Thanksgiving and Daniel Sloss is back in the studio, carving up the holiday with Mark and Sam. The guys get into cultural differences around Thanksgiving, wild road stories, questionable European toilets, serial killer documentaries, expat nightmares, and why coke apparently makes you clean the house. Plus, they break down holiday movies, Russell Brand’s mess, comics on the road, and the most unhinged list of slurs ever read on a podcast. A true holiday classic. Sponsored by: F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the code DRUNK15 at https://theperfectjean.nyc/DRUNK15#theperfectjeanpod To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/DRUNK Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #DanielSloss #ComedyPodcast #Thanksgiving #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy Thanksgiving. Hey, hey, we might be drunk. We're here. Daniel Sloss, everybody. Looking fit, too. Look at that. Thanks, man. You're in the gym.

Yes, only so I don't kill myself. Yes, me too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm one of those. Yeah. There's those who are, like, they're vanity lifters, and then there's like, I just got to sweat out, gin. Yeah, yeah. Oh, mine's is a bit, there's certainly a bit of vanity to it, but I'm here for two weeks.

It's the longest I've been away from. from my family since they became like a full family. So I'm just like, if I regressed what I used to be before I was a father, I would be drinking until 3 a.m., waiting up and smoking weed until whatever. Let's get you there. Yeah, that's why we're here. I think we start with the McKellen. Oh, McCallons are fucking unbelievable.

Oh, no, Maclodes. McLeod's. McLeod. McLeod. 28 years old. Hey, that's legal. That's legal. Now we're talking.

Almost about too old. Yeah, a little too. That's a little. That's a little. past human trafficking prime I would say I mean the numbers you're getting

for a 20 year old is much much lower you gotta hand to these traffickers because you'd think you'd see some of these buses going back and forth but they hide them pretty well they put Bert's poster on it

they're fully loaded too I just got that also if you need any you know fucking advice on out to traffic women Andrew Taye 90% of his podcasts is it

I've never listened It's like all the accusations that came out about him being a human trafficker are from just podcasts where he tells you exactly what, how we get women into sex work, how we make sure they're isolated from their friends and family. It's like a rapper on trial for murder. He's like, I haven't shot anyone. They're like, roll the music. Yeah, yeah. Really? Because you filmed two seasons of I murdered this bitch.

It smells pretty good. All right. McLeod. What do you say? No ice. It's too good for ice, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't want to be too, I can get occasionally pretentious about whiskey, but any, start with this one.

All right. You don't do Thanksgiving over there across the pond. No, nor 4th of July, you know. Right, that makes sense. It was when you beat us. It's a little awkward. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, great to see you.

Suncha. Cheers. Woo-wee. 12 years sober down the drain. Holy shit, that's amazing. Isn't? Oh, that is gorgeous. Yeah, yeah.

That's smooth as fuck. Wow. So this is your producer working. I have the worst mic technique in the fucking game for a professional comedian. You're good. Oh, was it? Oh, you came in. All right.

He came in and fixed it. I, regularly on podcasts afterwards, people have been like, have you ever done a fucking podcast in your goddamn life? Do you know how microphones work? Do you usually think it's there? There you go. Yeah, you got in there. It's having some.

Yeah, dude. So you're like the, maybe the most world traveler of any comedian. Jean Marcos, give me a run for my money now. Also, Jimmy Car, well ahead. Fluffy was unbelievable. Oh, yeah. Everywhere I've been in the world. But he doesn't have long, you know, so it's going to be you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Before, when we started doing, like, Europe and stuff, the people that were regularly ahead of me by several years where it was like Russell Peters, Pablo Francisco, any of the ones that got like famous from like OG YouTube days like the people they just worked out they're like okay I might burn an hour

by putting fucking it out there but there's no other way for it to hit Europe I mean that's Pablo Francisco toured was doing like a thousand, two thousand seat or in Sweden back in like 2018 sorry 2008 I want to say

wow yeah yeah because I know the promoter who does out there and he was just and he was not a promoter before Pablo got out He just chanced his fucking luck message to whoever Pablo's agents were. And we're like, I couldn't probably set up a couple of gigs in Sweden, blacked his way fully into it. Still a purport now, proport for Bill Ware. But he blacked his fucking way in.

Damn. What was your move? Did you just get on American TV or YouTube or what was it? He was on Conan back in the... Yeah, he was the old Conan sets. Conan was a big sort of booster. But what really fucked me up was like, so did Conan a couple of times. and then my agent was like,

do you want to tour Europe? And I'm like, no. Like, I want to go to a place where like, there's no, there's no worst type of person in the world than a British expat, right? They are vermin, whatever country they are, right?

Yeah. The worst... Why is it? Because they'll sit in fucking Spain or France and they'll complain about the culture. I've done gigs in Singapore to fucking expats, right? Where you can get, like, fresh-made

Singaporean noodles from a guy like fucking cutting all this wheat into a boiling bowl of fresh fucking broth And then you'll gig to British people and they're like, you can't get a good burger in this country. Right. And you're like, fucking kill yourself, man. Why do you do that in America?

We do that. You're going to a slice of pizza in L.A. at 4 a.m. What the hell? It's like, what do you think, fucking travel is? They got to see it's everywhere now. That's true. There's a place that's figured it out in every city. Right. You've got to experience.

Yes. Yeah. Exactly. And then when I did Europe for the first time, I think Lithuania was one of our first gigs. And my opener went out, smashed. I went on first joke, best joke I had, just fucking silence. And I was like, what the fuck? So I then, like, do a joke, like, acknowledging the lack of laughter, round of applause.

And I'm like, okay, good, I got them back. And then I do it. I'm like, okay, well, let's keep my minute off. Do my second best joke. Goes out, fucking silence. And we make a joke about that off the cuff. They fucking lose their minds. And I'm like, is this fucking opposite world?

We little Lithuanian guy in the front row just sticks his hand up as I do the set up for about third. joke. I go, yeah? He goes, any joke you've done on the internet, we've all seen. Because like that's any joke that you've done on Conan or anything like this, we've all seen because that's how we watch British and American stand-up. We watch it all online. But if I see a bit, I'll usually laugh again. Yeah, if it's been a minute, you know, it's been a couple weeks. Oh, I think this was pretty, yeah. I mean, I agree. I, you know, I listen to and watch stand-up specials repeatedly. Sure. You know, two or three times a year, depending on who's as good I've watched Nick Mallon special

three times a show about it just because I think it's especially when you're fucking stoned French and Indian War must have been the smallest more a world time What were they playing over the frieze Folks can you imagine the smell

Oh God he kills me Also them bullying Stephen Hawking Oh yeah yeah Everyone look with the nerds watching Getting gay porn on it's like I was just in Finland And I'm kind of struggling Helsinki and you know full house kind of struggling

it might be a thousand people there and then at some point I was like who okay you guys are tough and then this guy raises hand in the front row and I go what's up and he goes why don't more uh comedians come here and I was like have you seen the reaction I mean I'm pulling out the A stuff here it's almost when a crowd member raises his hand you're too polite to kill that to kill in that room yeah no one in America is just like who's like excuse me may I have the floor. No, they just fucking heckle. Right. You know, like, you want that kind of, like,

energy. You don't want them to think too much. I feel like that's a dude who thought. Yeah, good point. I don't know. Also, the finish our internal laughers, because they're the saddest of the Scandinavians. And they will openly admit that. And it's because they're the one that's going to be on, like, the front line against Russia. Like, they've always

had one eye on the fucking border be like, these g-casses, these fucking, these guys, just because they're an international trade, doesn't mean they've stopped being fucking bastards. Right. They keep saying we're the happiest people in the world. That's what the Internet says. It's on the inside of the happiest.

But I think the sad ones just killed themselves. So, like, the other ones are just dead. They killed themselves. Scandinavians are kind of dark. Oh, yeah, definitely. Have you seen their movies? They're fucking the darkest. That's true.

Do you ever see that movie Speak No Evil? No, I'm not going to. Oh, that's too dark. God. The ending is the darkish. I couldn't believe it. Yeah, that's too much for me. All you need to know about this movie is it's Ronan Hirshberg's favorite movie.

Oh. Oh, geez. And that's all you have to know that you leave going, what the fuck? Yeah. Why? That's gross. And also, they do a lot of vampire shit over there. A lot of vampire shit.

Yeah, look at the screaming. You know bad shit's happening just from that still. Yeah. Does that change Markovoy? He's in the remake. Oh, okay. I was going to say he's... With a different ending, by the way.

Oh, back to a similar show? They have to do a Hollywood ending for that one. Uh-huh. Oh, fuck that. I hope I didn't give too much away, but I gave it all the way. Oh, well, I'm not. I can't watch skid movies. I'm a big, big film.

I don't like scary movies usually either, but he pushed me on it. He's like, you have to, I have friends who love scary movies, and they don't take no for an answer. Yeah. So, like, you got to, you like movies, you got to watch them. I'm like, I don't know, I love roller coasters, and I understand some people don't like fucking roller coasters. But, like, there's something in the, there's just something in the goddamn brain. I think that people who like horror, it just tickles a crap. You like real fear.

That's weirder to me. Oh, yeah, true. Oh, no, man, I fucking, I trust a bunch of Pikes who ever built. the machine you know it's it's mock fear like I've roller coasters aren't leaving my imagination to do

most of the work like it's a direct experience of fear I'm strapped and I get right horror movies is there like how fucked up you're my how fucked up is your imagination I'm like brave fucked up man please don't please don't play with that like yes if you put a scary movie on I will think about that in bed

even though I don't believe in ghosts even though I'm not fucking same that shit my imagination's like, well, there was a movie about it. And on the flip side, it's why you like porn. Yes. You're like, this could happen. And I'm thinking about it in bed. This could be me.

It won't, but it could. It could. As a kid, it made you stick around that when she calls the after class a little too long. You're like, let's see. Yes, yes. Just in case. I don't think it's going to happen. Let's see.

The babysitter is coming. You never know. One way or another. I knew a guy who banged the babysitter. He was like the king of eighth grade or whatever. Oh, and is she in jail now? Oh, sorry. Or is he in jail?

No, I don't think it was a different time. It was the 90s. You know, you could fuck a young boy and you were like a hero. What was the age difference? I think it was like that Malaney joke. It was like a horse watching a dog. You know, it was probably, she was probably like 14 and he was eight. Can't fuck it.

Wait, no, wait, I got that. Hold on. She was probably... Yeah, that's an outright crime. Like, you're not even horny. Sorry. She was probably 18, he was 14. Something like that.

Still illegal, but... He was into it. I mean, the parents paid for a prostitute. Whoa. They thought they were going to babysit. That's a prostitute. Good point. Man, there's a bunch of, like, stories about that in the UK of, like, dads who buy their son, like, a sex worker on their age.

Yeah, fuck that. Earn it, dude. I'm not helping my son get laid. He's got my second name. If that doesn't do it, you don't deserve pussy. Or asshole, whatever he's into. Right, right. You know, if he wants to.

But if he's gay, he's not going to have trouble getting laid. No. Oh, that's easy. Even the ugliest gays. Yes. If they want it, they're gay. They get fun nicknames. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're a bear. There's no straight nickname for an ugly straight. Wait a minute. In sale. Yeah, that's not a good one. A bear is positive. Yeah. A bear is, what else is positive?

Otter. It's all positive. Twink. Twink's a bit of slur. Yeah, yeah. But people like it, but they have twink fetishes, so they do like it. That's true. No one has an in-cell fetish.

If they did, there would be a problem. It would be all right. They wouldn't have any fucking insult. No, girl's like, you know what? I really want to fuck a dude who plays call of duty 12 hours a day. That'd be awesome. I want to fuck a man who hates me. Right.

Maybe actually some of them do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a serial killer fetish, right? Yes. But is that being fucked or is that just like... Also, serial killers get shit done. Incells don't. They just sit in their room all day.

But serial killers they like... Also, a serial killer knows your body. If anyone's going to... If anyone's finding the clip, it's a man who's cut off 12. Well, the serial killers, they like them, but they don't like the mass shooters. No. It's too easy. It's too easy.

It's no skill. It's honorless. Well, because they're willing to commit to one at a time. Right. And Ted Bundy's representing himself in court. He's getting shit done. Yeah, he did. He escaped his own fucking, they just left the back of the days when they just left windows open on police stations.

Exactly. Like, they really were like daring you to escape back then. Yeah, yeah. They're like, we're just going to go take a lunch break. You stay here. Well, remember, the American police force was started by the Irish, so there's going to be some gaping fucking holes in the system for a while. That's true.

But, yeah, wait, how did we get on this? Oh, the babysitter. Yeah. That is pretty hot. What gender baby did you get? A boy. You got a boy. Boys are good.

Yes. Boys are good. I got one of each. Nice. That's what I'm hoping for. We're hoping for another one girl. If you do have a girl, this is going to sound like really. really, really fucked up advice,

but I just need you to mentally prepare for it because nobody warned me. Don't fuck it. Don't do it. Good, don't. I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me you're not gonna do it. I'm gonna babysitter for that.

Baby vaginas are fuck, they're fucked. Like they come out, like swollen, they come up. You did, because all, every part of a baby's super small. It's a baby. Right. And the vagina comes out and you, and like, they just send you in, like, your job as a dad is to change the first fucking diaper.

If your wife's just pushed out fucking baby, you'd be on point there. And a dick, it's easy to wipe shit off of a dick. Ask any gay guy. But like, when you get like a baby it's swollen, you've got to wipe down in a way you can't.

If you get any shit in that thing there, like infections. Infections. It gets bad. And oh, nobody nobody prepared. Oh, it's a real meat pita. Oh, yeah, yeah. All right.

Doug Stanley used to have an excellent line And it always made me laugh before I was a dad just because it was a funny visual and it wasn't to my daughter I was born and I went oh fuck he was like somebody had been punched in the eyes punched in the eye

and he was like it was swollen like a baby sussing. And I always just laughed at that for how just like a visceral image or was my head. Wow. Normally the first thing you're meant to feel when you look at your daughter

for the first time is God I love my daughter I'm like, I just reminds me of Doug Stanley. Doug is Thanksgiving, fuck. Doug is poetic. I mean, he is. Oh, he's one of the, in terms of, like, painting a fucking picture. Yeah.

Well, he's a couple of, one of them I love, I quote all the time is when he says on one of his albums, he goes, when I do comedy, it's like I'm taking you into war. You're not all going to be here at the end. That's amazing. In the one, that Bobby Burnett bit where he's just, you know, he's, the whole story about picking up a woman. And it's like, you know, I said all the right things that night, you know, she hated cigarettes. I was trying to cut back. She hated long hair. I was trying to quit.

It's just like, it's like out of a movie. movie is great. Yeah. And I don't think there's any like in the newer generation and I include our generation of comics in that as well. I don't think there'll be another Stan Hope I think like what because he was a proper road dog. Yes.

And he was doing weird as fucking places in Europe way before as well before me. He was doing like fucking Iceland and all the darker places. I imagine he reps in Finland. Yeah. If anyone fucking reps in Finland in Helsinki is Doug Stanhope. Yeah. Yeah, look at that. Oh, yeah, he went to Ukraine, so we fucking did.

Yep. Yeah, we had him on here. It was a fun one, man. Oh, and he showed up at the cellar that night. He was, uh, no one expected. It was like a rare time to see a tell smile, too. Because Dave was like, oh, he won't come. I said he said he would.

And Dave's like, no, he would stay at the airport hotel if he could. He hates New York City. And he showed up, and we, were you there that night? No, I missed it. We drank to, like, super late. We're drinking the Doug Stanhope, which is just, I think, grapefruit juice, vodka soda. But that's how he keeps going.

Yeah. First comic I ever saw live. Oh, yeah? Yeah, and he was so shit-faced, he barely got a word out. But I was like, this is fun. I can't wait to do this job. It's rock and roll. Yeah.

But great show. Yeah. It's been a while since I was going to Kai, my friend, opened for him a couple of times in the UK. And just, yeah, he's also, he's such a nice bloke. Yes, great guy. Yeah. Now he's in his kind of like, I'm wearing my leisure suits. I sit in Bisbee, Arizona, and I drink, and I go out every now and then, face.

He'd be a dude that if you saw in the Delta Sky Club, because I feel like he wears that so proudly, I'd be so pumped. Oh, hell yeah. But you'd try to miss your flight. You'd definitely miss your flight. But you're going to, you're going to, you're going to a new adventure. Yeah, and you're like, hey, you're like, I'm going to Cleveland. He's like, I'm going to fucking Gaza, you know? He's always going to some crazy place.

What he did is he tried to get, he didn't hit Diamond one year, so he just went on like a 36-hour. Oh, that's right. He just flew all over the world to hit Diamond. Oh, man, there's people who do that. Like, they work out, like, the longest flights that they can do to build up. I think Alex Edelman was telling me that his brother did that for a while. It was the cheapest. He worked at the cheapest and most efficient way to get all the air mounts.

And I was like, man, you're doing the Jewish stereotype. Yeah, I know. Jesus. You're fucking favorite. Come on, lads. Now, when you're on the road, do you miss the kids? How do you handle that? Yeah, yeah.

So the worst thing you can do as a comedian for your careers, have children. Like, I know. I've been here for a week. And, like, normally, I would be on the road for, like, two, three months. Sure. Can bring my wife out.

You know, she was my girlfriend and have fun. Yeah, a week is, like, I fucking, I miss the can't so a lot. It's a lot of, you're the FaceTime, Dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's not a good thing. I don't want them to, like, recognize me through a fucking screen. But it's only, no, like, before,

After my daughter was born, I took eight months off to just, like, be the entire time. Were you itching, though, during that eight months? No, and God, and I hated coming back to stand up. Because I imagine you finish a fucking tour, right, and you're going to new material, right? New material is already, like, a bit nerve-wracking. But you've got the, you've just been on tour for two years. Your form is through the roof. Your materials are zero, but your form's at 100.

You take eight months off, your form is a zero, and your material. materials at fucking zero. And also, you've just been a dad for eight months. I don't need to tell you. So you don't even, where's home base for you? Edinburgh. So you can't even just get up at all? I could, but I just, I didn't want to, I just wanted

to, like, because I've been touring. Full reset. Yeah, I wanted to like, I've been touring so relentlessly and thought and constantly, like stand-up comedy was the number one priority of my life for 16 years. Well, no wonder you dreaded it, though, so much going back, because you're like, I'm a fucking cripple right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In every sense. Oh, and I felt like a fucking, I felt like a cripple. Because I was also, I was being a bit too like too much of a wanky fucking purist. I was like, you know, going back, I want to just like go to, I'll go to clubs where people don't

really know who I am, I'll perform to a fucking neutral audience and I would go out. And I do, I wasn't eating shit, but I wasn't doing great. I was finding my fucking feet again. It was my wife that was like, why don't you, just watch, instead of going to play to a neutral audience, why don't you fucking go and play to your own audience?

one time and just get that confidence back up. If you've never ridden a bike before, you don't start at the top of a ramp. If it's been a couple of years, and riding a bike, you will find your feet again. You don't start in the skate park after 10 years of not biking. But there's other party you were like, I feel guilty doing this

horse shit set for my fans. It feels like cheating. Because that's what I was doing during COVID. I remember doing those hotel shows, and I'd be like, I got to write new shit. But I was like, luckily their bar for entertainment was so low at that time. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, no, you feel guilty.

I ran into a guy once, and he was like, I saw you fucking working out jokes in Dania Beach. It fucking sucked. I was like, it was built as a workout show, and he goes still. I was like, damn, how bad was I? I remember going well. Some comedy fans fucking love the actual work of a program. Because, like, they, I've got people that, like, come to multiple iterations of the show

because they like saying where it's going. But then you've also got people who are blown away. They're like, I saw you two weeks ago and you did the same jokes. You're like, what do you think of fucking tour is? I know. Like, it's the same title. A lot of people don't know that.

More people know that obviously with podcasts, but a lot of people don't know that. They're like, so you just do the same? I'm like, no, I tweak it a little. It's not exactly the same. When I started stand up, like, when I was like 16, 17, I loved stand up, like, watching on TV, watching it on fucking VHS and stuff.

But, like, I had this thing of like, I didn't like when I'd seen like a comedian do more. the week and then I saw them on tour and they did like some of the same jobs. So me being a dumb-ass 17-year-old, I was like, I'm never going to repeat jokes at any venue. So if I do this five minutes here, the next time I come back to that venue, I'll have to do a different five. And then I'll come up with a different five next time. And thankfully, like two months into my career, an older comic was like, hey, just let you know that's retic. Like, that's like the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my fucking life.

But it probably instills something in you that made you prolific. because I remember seeing you on Conan when you were young being like, who the fuck is this kid? Who's got a new six every few months? And it was all good. I was like, we would send each other in the group chat. It would be me, Norman, and List. And we'd send late night sets to each other

where we're like, oh, this is good. If you look at the whole thread, it's like, this guy's a hack, fuck him, he sucks. And then they're like, who's this guy? Depends what you're going to put in my call. I'm sure some of my corner spots where I said it'd been like, well, he's fucked up this time. Oh, yeah.

No, I was definitely buzzed on a couple of those too. Because they would just bring, like, do you want a drink or something? I'd be like, is that allowed? Yeah, I'll get a buzz, yeah. Also, I had such a, like, fucking hard time. Not a hard time, but like going, coming to America for the first time, and just how legal and prevalent marijuana was. I was like, this is what they mean by the front of us.

What's the situation in Edinburgh with weeds? It's decriminalized now, but that's basically because, like, I think about five years ago, the chief of police of Scotland was like, we're not busting people for weed anymore because it's a waste of resources. and absolutely nobody cares like if we any like Amsterdam's lost a lot of its juice now that everywhere is like you can just

you could smoke here but Amsterdam fucking they they'll be happy with it because they they hated British tourists because Brits abroad are the worst in the world like Americans abroad there's the stereotypes that like

they're loud but the Americans abroad are the best Americans they're the ones that travel they're the ones that have like It took us a little more work to get there. Yeah. And that's not a critic. Like, I hate when fucking Brits and Europeans are like,

oh, you know the only 40% of Americans own passports? And you're like, do you know how big America is? Ah. Are you aware of like the fucking signs of, like, in terms of what you can experience in this country, you can experience every... It's also expensive to travel. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right. But you've got the desert here. You've got the fucking Arctic here. You've got fucking forests here. You've got villages. You've got mountains. You've got a state like North Carolina.

They've got it. Everything. Yeah. California. You got beaches. Yeah. The only thing you don't have is history. And I know you're like, oh, what about American history?

Like, if people are alive to experience it, no, I'm not going to do. Well, we make up for that with fentanyl. We're forgetting every day. Yeah. You've crammed a lot in. You've crammed a lot into your 200 years. It is crazy to see how bad the fentanyl problem is here. And then you go abroad and you're like, oh, there's just, these streets are peaceful.

And there's no, there's no littering anywhere. I know. It's crazy. But the downside is our coke is shit. Well, it's Coke is shit everywhere, I feel like now. Well, we've got a pretty good Coke. Would you do Coke? Well, you've never done it to begin with.

I've never done it. And neither have I, because... You've never done Coke? I was scared straight by this fucking... I used to be gay. I was scared straight by my coach. He was like, when we were young, he was just like pulling up. Len Byest, Boston Celtics.

O.D. is the first fucking time he does a line. Darryl Johnston, offensive tackle. O.D.'s at his bachelor party. He just bring up statistics of guys who died instantly from bad coke. And I was like, oh, fuck, I'm not touching it. At the end, he was like, pussies. Here we go. They died doing what they loved, being fucking losers.

Yeah. My stag two was in Vegas. I brought, like, fucking 24 British comics over. Why Vegas? Because I'm not from America. Like, I love, I love Vegas. That's not a fucking option where I'm from. But what's the equivalent for, like, Americans to go there that you'd be like, ugh.

Oh, gross. Oh, fucking anywhere in Spain. Like Benadour, Mallorca, like all the tourist fucking sports. You're like, oh, why would you go there? The worst of our country goes to there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, and when we got there,

because my son was about a year and a half old at this point, because he's a bastard because I'm cool. And I was like, I'm not doing coke. I'm a dad now, there's not a chance. I'm doing any coke. And my friends were like, all right, we'll go to Vegas. I'm like, no, man. I've been to L.A. Fentno's like a huge.

Oh, that's big. Real fucking problem. them. So they got a comic who will remain nameless from L.A. And they were like, we need you to get coke that we can guarantee. Joe DeRosa. I mean, you're not far off.

It wasn't Joe DeRota, but you're in the right vein. And yeah, the friend of mine got like, I don't want to exaggerate it too much, but it was like 100 grams of coke, which they, because there's

25 of us. Yeah. So we're doing all. And we got through that coke in the first two nights. Wait, so you said you're not doing Coke. And then they're like, they just brought Coke. You're like, all right, I'll do it. Well, so the guy they did it was like, this is a guy I've always been buying from. He tests it. He's tested it in front of me.

He's done it in front of me. He's fighting. Like, we were very thorough about this. And I'm like, still nervous, still nervous. And then one of my friends who's not a comedian, who's just a war vet. And he was like, I'll fucking, I'll do it. He's like, I've put my life on the line for a country. I don't even like that much anymore.

fucking do a line of coke for one of my best friends and we racked him up a little one he's like if I'm going in I'm going fucking in like we gotta find out what this is and he must have racked up almost close to a full gram and we all just watched him rail it and like

he was like it smells great feels fucking good and 25 minutes later we were like that's good enough for us that's fucking weird in yeah you know Charlie Sheen wow that's incredible so how was the night was the night wild Oh man

I was Do you want to stick with that one We have other stuff You could try as well I mean that was delicious You got Langevulin as well I'll have just a little bit This one just now

It's really nice It's so nice Very nice So the first night I was so fucked That they let me go to bed Like normally the buck Doesn't get to choose

When to go to fucking bed But I think it was like Half 5 in the morning I stumbled up to the boys I'm like I might go to sleep And they were like Yeah you almost definitely

shoot. Like all the cocaine you've taken, you've... I was also, as man it's fucking Vegas, I was taking countless edibles. Sure. Yeah, I'm drinking fucking... And this city's already built to not sleep in. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you gambling? Are you seeing a show? Are you circ to so late? Gambling?

We... Gambling. Magic? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We went to the fucking joke. We did a lot gambling, lot drinking, went to some shows, took a helicopter through the fucking Grand Canyon. At one point, because I paid, so I paid for all the boys to come out, because I

I didn't want to outpriced any of my friends. So what we... What the fuck? This must have been, what, hundreds of thousands? No. It's not going to helicopters and blow here. Well, so I think, I don't know what the budget for ultimately was at the end. But like, I'd said to Kai, what he'd done was he was like, for a full year of our podcast, he was like, I'll just not pay you any of the Patreon money.

Okay. And we can just fucking save that up. So over the, over a year, I think that amounted to, you know, maybe 20, 30 grand. Okay. I was like, cheapest flight for the boys, cheapest fucking hotel. I'll get the mom. all over there because I don't want to outprice any of my mates and I want to

fucking, you know, Britson Vegas is mine floating. It's not fucking hack, it's exciting, it's no, we've seen it in the movies, we've seen it in the TV shows. I mean, we very quickly realized on day three that six days were too many. We could have told you that. Oh man,

three days in, we were like, fuck, boys, I don't know what we're doing. What do you do at a certain point there? Well, one of the great ones they did was because they were so grateful that I'd fucking flown them over there were being super kind to me like they were still being shitty but ultimately great they booked a um a suite like a penthouse room in the mjm grand for two nights for just me to stay in wow on the condition that they got to do a roast of me what just in the fucking room so and we were all i mean we were coaked out of our

fucking nuts and we recorded it and we shouldn't have recorded it because we're just you know it's it's comedians with no audience roasting each other. Whatever happen to whores? You're going to write jokes and set up a thing? They're like, yeah, I want to get fucked up. I have homework? I'm going to write jokes. It's a lot of work.

Yeah, they wrote them all on the fucking play. It was great. That's incredible. That is memorable. That is great. That's great. And the blow makes it more fun. Just a bunch of guys grinding their teeth,

shitting on you. Mark and I are weirdly similar in our fear of Coke. And it's just always been booze for me. Don't do it now. You start a call. in your 20s, you stop in your 30s. Yeah. If you're doing your first line in your late 30s, early 40s,

but come on. Your dad now, you can't do it now. Man, that can help me with the housework. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and Carni used to, before the fringe started every year, we get a bag of cocaine just to clean the house before it starts out. It's great. Man, I find myself fucking cleaning the inside of bins that I've never

I'm like, you never think of cleaning the inside of a fucking bin, but it's got to be done. That's where germs are coming from. You don't even put the positives of coke. This is good. I remember we were out with Jim Jeffries, like, way back in the day. And I remember across the room, he was, like, doing this to me. And I was like, does he have, like, allergies? I don't know what I was that fucking naive.

Is he being anti-Samanic? He's like, I suppose it is a little pointing. I don't know. Later, he's like. After that, he's like, phew, phew. Speaking of Jim Jeffries, now his cousin, he got a hooker, because he was in a wheelchair. yes so that's a little different muscular dystrophy yeah i think it was like a childhood friend i don't think it was yeah that was one of his big bits oh my god that it was incredible

it's one of my favorites i think that's from alcohol alcoholicost i think was that special great title yeah yeah he was he was hammered in that one yeah and he's sober now oh he's cali sober yeah he's a big pothead which is so funny because i mean i never got to do look i i'm so glad for jim and the sobriety i think that's great if i could go back and die and do with like I'd love to do care with fucking Jeffries back in the day I reckon that would have been

a goddam and I've done some cool some pretty fucking cool people but Jeffries I think would be would be up there Yeah Can you name any of the cool people Yeah absolutely

I'll sell you don't me I'll sell anyone down the fucking Mother Teresa No Well the more like for me were cool ones It was like the British comics Oh sorry the comedians

And the British scene That I grew up like Glenn Wold's Canadian Comic Oh I love Glenn He was a big one for me Mike Wilmon I don't know if you know Mike Again lots of Canadians

Go to the UK Just develop a fucking career And I end up staying there Because it's easier to tour the UK Than it is to tour Canada Right Just in terms of drives and everything And they also have like weird politics

With the clubs in Canada I think That's true It'd be funny if this got dark You're like And then Geraldo Last night there, Headberg I've done coke in some fucking Great places

I've done coke off of I probably shouldn't tell the story I've done coke off of Hitler's toilet. Whoa. There was, there's, it wasn't a toilet the Hitler actually used, but there was a place in the UK where if Hitler was captured at the end of the war, that they were going to imprison him because you can't put him in a standard prison. And they had this sort of room set aside for his prison.

And I got access to what was meant to be his cell. And I was like, I have to do cocaine off this fucking toilet. Is that it? Yep. No, that's the Charlotte comedy comedy. It goes to one on the left. Oh, wow. Yeah.

But he was supposed to go there. He was supposed to go there. Yeah, he was supposed to go there instead of Argentina. Right. Wow. That's not a bad throne. For the fear. Look at that.

He's got a little book table there. Yeah, a little Minkomph table. Yeah. That's fun. Berlin today. newspaper right there. He's got a window, too. This guy's living large.

Yeah, by the way, Barcelona, we mentioned tourism. They hate tourists. They fucking hate it. They have all these graffinis everywhere. They hate tourists. Tourism went through the floor.

A bunch of businesses were like, please bring them back. Every time I'm annoyed by a parade or something, I'm like, eh, that's good for the city. With Spanish people, they're napping during the day. They're dumb people. It's the only place in Europe I won't tour. I had a good show in Barcelona

I like it I've performed there four times and I've never not hated every second Really? Yeah Which is weird Because Portugal's the best

Like Lisbon's fucking I gotta hit there Oh Beautiful Lisbon and portal Mung-gla Love them Yeah

That's one of the prettiest cities I've ever been to Yeah yeah food's amazing It's everything Spain wishes it was And they don't have And their culture isn't based Around a fucking nap Right

The entire identity. I like when Slash gets fired up on a culture. Oh, man, anyone that's here anymore, but they'll be so bored of me just constantly doing my, why, I hate the Spanish rant. The Spaniards, you don't hear them getting taken down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And enough with the paella, we get it. Half of it stuck to the pan. Yeah, also, just make a full-sized meal, guys.

I know. Also, the late dinner bugs me. Because they're fucking knobs shoot the day. I don't like it. I don't, maybe I'm getting older. I don't like a late dinner. No, 10 p.m. 10 p.m. for fucking dinner. Get fun.

Hey, look at late dinner. I'm sorry. My tummy aches. I will tell you one thing I like that I see in, I guess it's maybe more Paris, but you see it in Europe more, is the foot pedal flusher. I'm down. I like the foot pedal flusher. I love it. Yeah, you don't have to touch a dirty-ass thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or they have the foot pedal sink thing, too. Yeah, that's a smart move. I kind of like that. Why are we not doing more of that? Some planes have it, too. the foot pedal. I don't like the it's Austrian and

it's other parts of Europe the poo inspection plant come again there's like toilets just have like a bit that the ward

that you poo on oh like a shelf yeah like a shelf just so you can look at your shit yeah there you go let's in zoom in a room that's tough on a miss carriage

it's the one of the second one yeah just a fucking it's in slow motion yeah that I don't need the shelf yeah what is that

Yeah, it's going to get stuck. Yeah. That's like, I don't know. Here's a question. When you skid the hotel bowl, do you clean it? No. I do my best to piss it off. Me too.

That's the game. You've created a many game. But sometimes they don't put enough water in there, and I'm like, this is the plumbing issue. This is not on me. Yeah, I don't, what am I? They have cleaners. Yeah, but it is your poop. It's pretty gross.

That's true. I try to get it. They should always have the brush. Love the brine. And a plunger, for that matter. Yeah. I did coke off that. Off the shelf

That's why That was actually a gurb of shit This must be awful But the bidets are really coming in hot everywhere I have a bidet at home The Jap do you know the Jap toilets Yeah they are unbelievable Oh man I love a Jail always

It's the thing that comes out and it shoots Thanks for spelling Japanese in that one Yeah I love those toilets They're like heated seat there's like a control panel on the side. There you can see it in the winter. Skushes water directly up your arse. And if you sit the angle right of your sphincter,

you can have a slight animal. Ooh, I'm in. Yeah, it's great. You'll meet people who are homophobic sometimes with a like, you fucking squirt water off your ass. I'm like, the alternative is a finger. Yeah. It's not that, like, it's not a gay thing.

Yeah. Also, I can't understand the monopoly that fucking toilet paper is. had for a hundred we've not there's true like how are we still wiping our ass with fucking paper it's an insane it's a crazy it's insane it's insane if it was on your hand or your arm you'd use

water if it was in your fucking hair you wouldn't just get like a bit of a toilet paper and be like well that's all the boo gone from my god down there at the very least you got to bring the wipes the wipes are big but they're bad for the environment apparently and if I can't get the shit things off my arm I put my dick around and I try and piss them off so I think that's the best way

pretty good dick that's the Scottish Japanese toilet Damn. Yeah. Yeah, the birth rate is through the floor, but their asses are clean. You know, adult diapers sell better in Japan than child. Fun fact. Damn. Is that like, for gross fetish reasons?

Ah, I think it's just so many old people and no kids. Oh. Yeah, we got to start. Yeah, we got a stock. Once you're strapping that on, it's time to pack it in. Yeah, it's also, if you've got adult diapers, it's time to, you don't get to vote anymore. Like you're at the age where there has to be a cut of age that you can't vote when you're five years old Right. You also can't vote when you're 70, right? If we if I'm leaving a restaurant and you're coming in

Our fucking, our president's usually 80 here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't get to order your fucking meal when you come into a restaurant. If you are over the, if you're over the age of fucking 70, you can't drive a car. You don't get to choose the next government because you'll be dead. Who gives a fuck when you? You voted the most times. That's true. You don't get to decide the rest of the fucking future. And if you don't get to decide the rest of the fucking future. And if you don't do vote over the age 70 it comes directly you have to pay it comes out your fucking pension directly I like it do we already have a voting problem in this country though yeah no one's gonna pay to vote yeah did you vote today I will

tomorrow wait but it is today it's today oh I vote later today then yeah I thought it was tomorrow no it's today I went today and they're like this is the wrong place and I was like ah fuck it's I have to go later I guess yeah you got to do what the Aussies do so the the Aussies it's illegal to not vote You get fined a thousand bucks or a bit more And nobody works on voting day Because they want everyone to vote But what this does is it stops

And they've got a multi-party system as well But this stops them ever having a far right Or a far left government Because if you force it's voting Because the middle is voting That's good Because they have to So it's like a really good

Don't be wrong I'm sure I'll have Ozzy's in the comments Being like explain all these fucking psychos that we've got But in general It's a it's a it's such a smart way to... I like that a lot.

And also, in Singapore, it's illegal to not save money. They make a law that you have to save money. Which I think is genius, because then everybody's set. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, like, just like an amount... Also, Singapore is one of the...

Like, I love Singapore because it's legitimately safe. Like, the idea of, like, you can leave your phone in a bomb. It is not illegal to not save money. Ah, fuck. Maybe I had the wrong country. The country doesn't have a mandatory

Social Security. scheme. So they save money. They save money for you. Yeah, that's good. Okay, sorry. Much like they take our taxes out, they take save out for them. Yeah. But yeah, Singapore is safe as shit. Japan's safe as shit. But it's, yeah, but Japan's safe because like, yeah, that feels like just a cultural thing. Yeah. Singapore is safe because the, the, the punishment is fucked. Right. Like, why will nobody. Nobody will steal a, if you were to leave a thousand dollars, on a fucking table at 1 a.m. in a pub in Singapore. You could come back at day later and it still be there. Do you get cocky? Do you walk around with some bills out? Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

On my phone, been like, I've only got a million on me right now. Take me to the roughest neighborhoods. Yeah, it's true. I guess that's why Rihanna was always acting right. All right. The punishment was so bad. You get it.

All right. Is it weird to have all this? Thanksgiving theme stuff? I mean, it's very white girl. That's true. You are a white girl, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He puts thought into it, I appreciate it.

I am... Sophie pudding is for you. Great. It also just looks like a giant joby, like a big shit, but it looks... We wiped it off. That's on the shelf, my hotel room. Yeah, and clearly from a height because it's been flattered.

Right, right. First time I ever did a comedy club in America was the Denver comedy, works. Oh my god. Started too high. It's like losing your virginity to a supermodel. 100%. And it was the week, and I went out there to try the material before doing my first Conan spot. I get there on the Tuesday. I'm there until the Monday.

Were you downtown or the suburbs? Downtown. Oh, the good one. So that's where like David Tell that's skanks for the memories, Geraldo did across the river, some of the best comedy albums ever. Oh, and again, like completely not out of spell. Go in, do a show on the Wednesday, it's fucking great. And I say to the table and I go, see you tomorrow and they're like no you won't I was like I'm booked all weekend they're

like yeah but tomorrow's Thanksgiving it's Thursday we don't do and you don't know this I fucking know we don't celebrate Thanksgiving in the UK I've got no idea so I'm like all right well I guess I'll just you know sit and jerk off in my hotel room and get and the comedy work staff were like under no circumstance you sit in a fucking hotel room and they invited me to they so the only Thanksgiving I've ever had in this country was they invited me to theirs and I fucking loved it they were stoned from 11 a.m. they were all taking it and turns cooking different fucking parts of the things. There were some bits where I was like

you guys really have to put fucking marshmallow on sweet potato? Oh no. It's good. It's amazing. I couldn't believe it. And of course when you're stoned, oh my God. Oh wow. And like we all sat around and like I'm not going to like it. The idea of like sitting down and like giving your thanks

pretty pretty gay, pretty losery. But like hearing these people like talk about their family what they were grateful for, the friends that they had in their life and like just you know, to not be alone on Thanksgiving, thanks to the people from comedy works. I was like, oh, man, I really get

and understand this holiday. Yes, giving thanks. Yeah, yeah, I love it. It's beautiful, and that's one of the drunkest clubs, the greatest staff, they will get drunk with you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good time. Yeah, I love the...

I remember one year I was at the St. Louis Funnybone on Thanksgiving, and Nikki Glazer was there, and she was like, you should come do Thanksgiving with my family. No way! And I couldn't, because they did a show on Thanksgiving night. They did. Yeah, they were like, you know, you have to do a show that night. I was like, really?

They're like, yeah, not a happy bunch out. Yeah. They showed up there. They got nothing to be grateful for. Especially after my session. Jeez. No, no, it actually wasn't a horrible crowd because if you were out on Thanksgiving, it makes some sense because, like, you go to a movie sometimes Thanksgiving night with the folks, right?

Yeah, but my Thanksgiving was always awkward growing up because my mom is the most giving, jovial lady. So she'd be at the CVS, and she's like, like, what are you doing tonight, sugar? And the lady's like, I got nothing. And she'd be like, come over. So we'd have all these, like a bus driver, a CVS lady. The mailman was there. The guy who was just holding a knife.

Yeah. We had nothing in common. We had the other guy who was fucking my mom, my dad's there. It was always an awkward Thanksgiving. But it was fun. It was nice. It was the spirit. And how far away is Thanksgiving from now?

November 16th. Okay. No, it's not. It's like the 28th or something. It changes every year. It's like MLK's birthday. Hold on. A 27th, that was way off.

Oh. Also, Thanksgiving's like, and I know you, I've been walking around New York, I know, like, some of your Christmas decorations are up at Macy's. Thanksgiving is like a really good holiday to just stop people from celebrating Christmas too fucking early.

We don't have the stopgap in the UK. The second Halloween decorations are down, it's fucking Christmas in Scotland. Interesting. People are like, because we got no buffer. Right. I would say from Thanksgiving, like the Wednesday on Thanksgiving through the end of the year. Christmas.

It might be the most hardcore drinking part of the year. Oh, yes. So true. It's like not, I'll take a little of that. It's because it's all about excess. It's about overeating, over drinking, over family, over love. Well, also, it's like, it makes sense. It's such a heavy drinking holiday.

There's always a couple people at that table that you're like, I need a fucking drink to be around this. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of admire the, you know, the idea of like, you know, it's. such a traditional things to spend this time with your family when you fucking hate them. Yes. Because yeah, we just

don't, I mean, we got, that's kind of Christmas for us, but I guess Thanksgiving is just pure family over here, isn't it? But thanks, I mean thanks it was a good transition. To go from Halloween to Christmas, you're going from like ghouls, goblins and scary to

Santa. Santa. And Jesus, remember it's his birthday, the Christ our Lord. planes trains and automobiles perfect perfect thanksgiving movie yeah do you know what this is legitimate man one of the best Christmas movies of all time

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If you got baggy ones, I'm like a little baggy. I'm sick of the tight jeans. I agree. I wore it on my special. In my Netflix special, I'm wearing the tightest jeans ever, and I was like, I look like, I think I'm a fucking rock star, and I look, and I sure is fuck ain't, so it doesn't look cool. Right, you want a little bit of movement.

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Yeah, as you get older, that boost is more and more needed. I need some recovery time, too. Yes, same. I ain't right. It's hangovers, nutting. Either way, I know, I'm not bouncing back way I used to. And these ladies can just turn it over, you know? I know. And before long, they're not going to need us. We're going to go to younger guys. I know. They already are. Our days are numbered, Mark. Yeah, well, we got the robots, thank God.

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See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. Is Daddy's home to? Is that Will Ferrell? Unfortunately, Mel Gibson's in that movie. And John Liffgel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He definitely celebrates Christmas. He's like, they killed one?

Yeah. Oh, man, who's that? Ambrosia. I'll check it out. Yeah, John Cena's in it. Leo Misen's in it? Holy shit. I've never heard of this movie.

Is he? Oh, yeah, I've not watched. I think I've watched Daddy's Home 1. Yeah. And it's not crucial to the story, but Daddy's Talk 2 is so fucking funny. Hannibal. Bobby Cadavali? Holy moly.

So the stack cast. Yeah, I liked... Bill Burr. Is this right? Tony V. Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think they caught a lot of Bill's stuff out, but there is a bit of a minute.

Okay. What about... Wait, what's another Christmas movie that you love? One that came out a couple of years ago, which, like... I love Christmas movies. I love Christmas. I've got, like... you know,

expect of them if you watch Klaus? Yes, they're animated Oh my It's great What I've never heard of it?

Norm McDonald's in that I am I'm fucking Yeah, Norm MacDonald is the voice of the fucking boat Boat driver

I will watch I will watch that movie I thought I was alone I watched this randomly on Netflix as a I gotta see that I couldn't believe

it's not one of the bigger Christmas movies It is fucking excellent It's got a great message

It's really smart Really funny, really nice, really sweet. It's one of the many Christmas movies that I cry to, but I cry at most movies because I'm a big loser. Oh, yeah. I think that's where it's appropriate for men to let it out. Yeah, Christmas movies? No, any movie.

Yeah, so you let it out there and you're like... One of the big crying movies for me where I will like gush and weep pathetically. Showgirls? The Greatest Showman. Hidden Figures. Warrior. Have you seen war?

I heard it's amazing. Wait of it. Tom Hardy is. Tom Hardy, the Cage Flight movie. Someone just told me it's great. It went so under the radar because it's like, it's a dick flick. It's just, people thought it was just a fucking UFC movie. Right, right.

Nick Knoll was absolutely robbed of an Oscar in this movie. Oh, shit. It is, and it makes me weep. Oh, great. Excellent. Brian Callan plays Joe Rogan. No way. Yeah, because it's just a UFC commentator.

They almost couldn't get Rogan. So Brian Callan just does his. best I wonder if Rogan regrets not doing it because he loves the UFC so much I know

that'd be like if I couldn't do the movie and you played me wow and if there were some pretty hefty allegations

about you wow all right I'll watch this I got a movie wreck for you guys and I've seen it before

but it's not a holiday movie I just rewatched it on Sunday have you ever seen you can count on me the movie

it's with Mark Ruffalo and Laura Lennie, it's fucking amazing. I've seen the cover, I think. It's so good. Okay, she's always great. Dude, that playwright Kenneth Lonergan did it. It's fucking great. It's like a very slow burn kind of a...

Oh, wow, 95. Dude, it's... It's so good. And that looks old. That looks like a very young Mark Ruffalo. Yeah, it's from like the early 2000s probably. Oh, pre-9-11. Culkin.

He's amazing. He's a little kid in it. Okay. It's an amazing movie. Wow. Never heard of it. Yeah. Huge wreck.

Okay. Slow burn, dramedy, some really sad parts, some really funny parts. If you want to cry, watch, uh,

this is a bummer of a movie, but, uh, my, the perfect neighbor, it's on Netflix right now. It's still in the top ten. Oh,

I just, I just watched it. Oh, dude, I fucking wept like a fat girl. Yeah, yeah, unbelievable.

It was bad. Yeah. Do they weep harder? I assume. I feel like skinny people cry pretty hard. No, five guys.

It's closed. But I am. When you're flying Emirates business class, sampling our range of vintage wines from the largest selection in the skies, you'll see that your vacation isn't really over until your flight is over. Fly Emirates, fly better. I agree with you. Like it's a really, really hard fucking documentary. It's very, very fucking emotional. It highlights a lot of problems.

It's very easy to misinterpret the reason that she's the perfect neighbor is because she kills a black woman. I don't even think about that. I was like, you've got to call this something else. Like, this is a woman. The person next door is like, she really is. It's the perfect neighbor. She, yeah, I was like, I was like, oh, it's the worst thing to call it. That's great.

What did she do? She killed a black mother of four. The perfect neighbor. She can live with me. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, but so sad, crazy story, real story down in Florida, unreal, bananas. Damn. Florida's where all this

It all happened in Florida What is that? You got that right A lot of wackos A lot of wackos Scientologists, it's Jews It's Cubans It's old people

Old people who've done They're done caring Yeah yeah I mean look at a place like Key West It's like all these It was like in list documentaries Like all the broken toys live here Totally

It's people going down there and just I'm going to let God Try and kill me With the sun When I kill myself with alcohol Yeah It's like it's just a very personal race to Jesus.

By the way, jingle all the way holds up. It's so underrated. Alright, hold on. Michael Lawrence and I talk about this all the time. It's the only movie that I will absolutely accept a modern remake of Not that one. Jesus Christ.

That's Larry the Cable Guy. There needs to be a jingle all the way too and it needs to be... There is a jingle all the way too apparently with Larry the Cable Guy. Oh, no. It needs to be Dwayne the Rock Johnson playing the grown-up son of Sinbad.

The bad guy in this one It's him growing up He's got that attitude towards Christmas He needs it to be perfect The Rock hasn't done a Christmas movie yet Oh no he has He's done that fucking shitty one with Wrang

So then maybe So maybe Schwarzenegger's son grew up And he's like the weak guy Absolutely That's it all right That's the pitch And also I don't want to be in this movie Just red one that was it

Red one Stank Absolutely stank Honked have come Dude Schwarzenegger fucking rolls I love him I love him. And Sinbad is so funny.

Remember when Sinbad showed up your special? Yes, yeah, that was weird. We were just at an after party for Mark's special, and Sinbad shows up. Crazy. He didn't know it was a special. He was just at the bar. Great. We were just like, hang out.

We're like, is that fucking Sinbad? Yeah, that was cool. Any comedian who's so famous. They can go by one name is excellent. That's true. Oh, yeah, and fucking murder suicide. Phil Hartman. Yeah.

He's awesome. Was. Was? God, he was the best. Yeah. So funny. But yeah, good movie, good Christmas film. They don't really make them.

Do they... We keep watching Love Actually over and over. Oh, my God. It's so bad. Oh, and the older you get, the worst it is... Hey, that's not chick flicks. There's an excellent checkflicks. No, but that's not one of them.

No. It's a bad chick flick. Crazy stupid laugh. That's a really good movie. It's one of the all-time great checklakes. That's a good movie. But I don't think that's a chick flick. I think that's just like a funny rom-com.

It's a rom-com. Rom-coms are checkflicts. They don't have to be. Look, I agree with you, but as... I feel like... As toxic men. Yeah. No, that's a good movie, dude.

I'll tell you, and unironically, unironically, one of the best chick flake's rom-coms. Two girls, one cup. That's a wrong... That is chicks only. Fifty first dates. Yeah, it's good. Love it. Oh, I never watched that one.

Oh, man. I just assumed it was horseshit. No, it's good. No, it's one of... Look, I love... I stand, Adam Sandler. I like Adam Sandler. He was everything I grew up with.

There was a period where I was like, I don't understand why he occasionally makes the occasional shit your movie. And then you become like a 30-year-old. And I'm like, if a studio offered me this amount of money to make a movie, all I would do is be like... With all your best friends. Yeah, they're like, it's on Hawaii. Right.

Our wives play all the extras. All my friends come out. I mean, if I was Adam Sandler, I would have dropped Rob Schneider at this point. And not even as an act, just as with a... fucking punch. That's how loyal he is. Yeah. Yeah.

Got his mind at a boom. That's the fucking best. That's his wife on the right and the brunette. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She plays his wife and a lot of things, which which I respect, but also surely, surely one of the good things about being a fucking actor is that you're a free. That's why he made.

Yeah, but he's out that good of marriage. Right. Right. But, man, he made it taste to me why Adam Sandler was like, and this role is played by Jennifer Aniston. You're like, yeah, I'll fucking bet it is, man. Fucking, Jesus Christ, I'd ever play my mom if I could get close to it. Play the babysitter. This is a wacky comedy. Why is there a simulation for a blowjob

in this scene? Why am I jerking? This is weird. Yeah, what's, you've ever seen serendipity? No. Oh, pretty good chick flick. Pretty good chick flick. I love that one. Okay. We've seen a lot of movies. Ten things I hate about you. That's a good movie. It's a fucking ex. Dude, that's when I was like, oh, Heath Ledger's a fucking star. Taming of the Shrew.

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Everything's Shakespeare. I know. Everything's something, you know. I just learned a Lion King was Hamlet. Yes. That took me a second. Yeah. Everything is something. Yeah. Everything, it's all good. We act like every, you know, we get mad about remakes. We're like,

well, at least that's like a spin on IP. Right. At least that's like, you're like, okay, that's like a little more sneaky with it. Yeah, yeah. As opposed to like another Transformers or another, you know. Transformers is also Macbeth. Yeah, with Macbeth. It's so far away.

It's Othello. Jingle all the way was actually Romeo and Juliet. What's really excruciating about this is you can tell that there's three comics desperate to make really good punts here, but none of us know enough about Shakespeare. It's just like our want for there to be a punchline is limited by our absolute lack of fucking knowledge. Did Romeo and Juliet give that one? Othello or something

Bernie Macbeth Yeah Remember that Oh Is it like black Othello Oh did they I didn't know that Othello

Where Art though All right You know West Side Story That's Romeo and Juliet as well Yeah My own private Idaho I didn't know these are all Also

Well yeah they do a little nod to Macbeth In my own private Idaho They do like They do it the exact same way It's shot with the Orson Wells Macbeth. Oh, shit. I know some weird fucking horse and well shit.

This is something to the fact that, like, I read a lot of fantasy books, and every single fantasy book is just an allegory for Jesus Christ. Right. It's always, there's one guy. The Matrix. Yeah, it's all geez. It's all Jeebas. Yeah.

It's all that. Duce Bigelow, it's Jesus Christ. That was Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But we're like, oh, could we actually, I know, I know the whole message, but could we specifically crucified this one last year I know

I know it's the wrong time but you're gonna hate me yeah but it's a it's Rob Schneider though if there's one Jew if there's one Jew that we can all agree on that like and look

maybe he's also dying for our sins this time maybe you know fuck it maybe he can just die for his own goddamn sins claiming that children's hospitals didn't exist to it boy what it came out I was like, children's hospitals didn't exist

when I was a kid, because kids weren't getting sick, the first hospital, just an easily an easily Googledable lie. Yeah. Yeah. When was the first child hospital in America? Well, that's the thing, 1876, shut the fuck up. But hyperbole is

what gets engagement. And that's why people, and then it goes from hyperbole to like, a real fucking lie. And then it just keeps working. It's not people like, what the fuck? Yeah. Surely most people didn't believe that but I think every time you post something like that

I think there should be like a public fucking rating of your social media accounts. So like in the same way that I walked down the street in New York I can tell the safety listing of all the buildings because it's posted right there and you can see how the food is good. The safety list. No, the food. The rain. Oh the way

yeah, the health code. Sorry. So I walked out and I'm like well that's got an A, that's got a day. These are all good ones I'll go into I think it'd be great if on social media They're like, this guy's lied so many fucking times. He has a social media rating of fucking F. You can still follow him. You can still consume it. But we've checked everything he said, and most of it was bullshit.

And also, he clearly halves paint. Well, we'd have no politicians. He's just a dinner one night. He's like, I got a day. I'm master. Do you know what? I've generally never watched any Cosby's. Oh, that's one of the best of all time.

Yeah. I mean, look, you've got to do some separation here. Do you know what you're... Wait, is it a 67 from critics? Well, they have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but you can't have revisionist history on what's a good stand-up.

Although, I guess the hard thing is he did name it himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, you can. It's hard to separate. Right. When was the last time you watched Raw? Because...

No, there's a few. The Cosby's whole thing is he was clean. That was, like, kind of... The Hi, that's not to be smudge fucking raw. But the first 10 minutes of Eddie Murphy's Raw, you're like, oh! Yeah, okay. It's wild.

Yeah. Yeah, he's just coming out, being like, I'm... There's still some great bits in there, though. Oh, that's a great special. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that first 10 minutes is him coming out and saying, Yeah. I'm not going to let any of you fuck me.

And you're like, oh boy, hey! Which, by the way, that's not how straight dudes talk. No. It's not? It's just a weird thing to say. Yeah, that's true. But he was dressed in skin-tight leather. Yeah, yeah.

Which is not how straight guys dress. That's true. That's a good point. I'm buzzing for the fucking the Murphy dogman. Yes. It looks amazing. Is he doing that instead of the stand-up special? I think so.

There was a period where he was going to do a stand-up special. I know. He can't do it because he's going to have to bomb for a year. Yeah. You have to be, as we said, you have to be a cripple. Yeah. I don't know if this is true, but what I'd always heard about, like, Chris Rock, the blue my mind. I hope this is true.

Whenever he was doing the new material, if he was at the cellar or the improv or whatever, he would purposefully eat shit and do awful jokes for like the first five minutes so that like the audience is... Because like for the first three minutes if you're Chris Rock, the audience are laughing at anything, everything, whether it's funny or not.

And he knew that. So he would purposely do like 10, five to 10 minutes of shit stuff so that the audience were so bored and they're like, oh my God, Chris Rock's like, and then he'd go into his actual material because then he'd get a real gauge of it.

Wow. And if that's true, that requires a level of fucking ego. That's some Jedi. Cannot. My fucking narcissism I don't know if that's true. But what's the first thing Rock says

when he goes on stage of the cell? Lower your expectations. Yeah. But he does also read off a thing and not do the big schick, like the big actouts and performance. It would be insincere to do that level of theatrics

in a room as small as a cellar. And do it new shit, new ideas. Yeah, we don't have the confidence for like the cadence yet. But yeah, he'll kind of almost do it deadpan. Yeah. Which is actually really fun to watch you're like oh he's just letting the joke do all the work here there's no performing really

but yeah he's fun to watch work out for sure he's one of my favorites to watch work out because you get the real real idea yeah my man i'd love to watch him doing who he's at the cellar i saw him the other night oh no he's around you are you popping on this week no i'm uh i'm i'm i'm my pop it's i always man i love the seller and i've only ever been looked after there by like the staff who you should come by dude um i got a show tonight i just i just i feel like i don't know it feels I always just feel like an imposter whenever I'm there. Come on, do my show. Come with us.

Nobody else has made me fucking feel that way, but just like, I've done gigs there. I've had great gigs there. The staff have invited me out to like the birthday parties and staff. I've only ever been, I love the teller. Nothing but compliments. But yeah, I always, it fucking intimidates me being there. Wow.

Yeah. Just because coming from Scotland and like, growing up on like stand-up, because the only stand-up culture you hear about, up culture in America because our scene just isn't as old and like there was that first time when I was like oh my God I'm fucking I'm sat at the table right like which is like the thing that's how we felt that when we were new there right yeah remember how nervous we used to be it's the only thing you hear about in the fucking podcast it's like sitting at the table is a big deal

and the first time I sat there it felt like amazing and then I don't know just every time I'm just like I still just feel like I didn't earn my place in the cellar because I did my career everywhere else I think it's maybe part of that you have plenty of than half of them you know over there. Like, I'm allowed to pop up. I'm allowed to fucking pop up. You're a road dog. It's, it's, it's, you're a real comic.

Yeah, but I'm a European road dog. I'm not even like a real American road dog, dude. You go everywhere, dude. I mean, no, yeah. And you've been doing it for fucking ever now. Yeah, fucking 18 goddamn years. Yeah. Damn.

Look, I'll get a bag of blow while I'll go to the cell. Well, no. You've got my attention. Yeah. Yeah, come by any time. Are you guys up this week? I'm there tonight. I'm there tonight as well.

I come there every night, actually. Okay. Well, I'm there every night, Text us. I think I'm there every night. Yeah. You can just pop in and... Pop in.

You know, Liz. Yeah. Yeah, we can do it up. Well, are you doing, you're doing like an hour around town, right? Are you doing the... Yeah, I'm doing the Soho? Soho.

Playhouse? And how are you out with your new hour? How are you feeling? Pretty good. I've been doing it for a bit. I was really happy with it about... For the first, like, five shows I did here. And then I've sort of like, I think...

You know, when you get to the point where you're like, maybe you don't actually, but like, you get to the point where you're like, that's the perfect way to tell that joke. I'm just going to tell it that way every time, which for me just makes me get bored of my material so fucking quickly. And I, which wasn't what I intended to do when I was here.

So it just, yeah, I got to the, I had great shows all weekend, but I was like, you know, when you do a good show and you don't enjoy it? And you're like, right, well, there's something wrong with material.

Like, it's, it's good. There's still not a fucking ending to it. That's part of, running into the ground. I think it's just part of the process. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but no matter, I'm a comedian, no matter how many times I learned that fucking lesson. Right.

I ever learn that goddamn lesson. Yeah. No, you tell it again and again and then you start to hate it and then you're like, I need a new bit and hopefully something happens because, yeah, I hate, sometimes we're doing more sets than we are writing, you know? And that's where you get a little crazy.

And that's when you've got to live a little bit too. But we don't ever take that advice. I'm also doing like a bit of a fucking, not a narrative, but Like, it's a story kind of all the way through it. And then there's, I mean, sometimes you're excited to tell the story. And then there's other days. I'm just like, and this podcast kicked off the fucking story. My show was about the Russell Brand thing.

Oh, wow. Because when the documentary came out, I was the only comedian that did the documentary. And when it all came out and people were like talking about me being the only one in the documentary, the last time I was on this podcast and we were drunk, you mentioned. Russell Brand and I was like there's some Brimuson, which I probably shouldn't say it. Did you Hannibal Burris to his

Cosby? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The white version. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the black person did it first. Yeah. Well, it's kind of like the comedy theme. Cat Williams started in the black world and we brought it over here. Right, right.

Whoa. So is he going to jail or what? He's June in court next year. Whoa. He's June in court next year because there's a bunch of after the documentary came out, a lot more women. felt the confidence to come forward because, you know, until then they were just like, well, I guess it was just a lone incident.

Right. Wow. Yeah. Which is why he's now, you know, he's over here now and he, because he needs a conspiracy theory audience. That's why he started being. Right. He started being very, he started being very anti-COVID and the masks and all that stuff, not because he believed in it, but because he knew that if the.

mainstream media was going to accuse him of the things that he did. He needs a conspiracy theory audience who doesn't trust the mainstream media. He used to be, when Russell started, he was a socialist, he was talking about the dangers of like stage capitalism, he would speak about how dangerous Fox News was and how awful Sky News was, and the fact that Rupert Murdoch told him, he would talk about all this stuff, spiritual, deeply against organized religion, all this stuff. Now, now, Born Again Christian, at Charlie Kirk's funeral with Tucker Carlson,

selling crystals to fucking idiots. Wow. Because he needs. He doesn't believe any of the things he's saying. I bought some of those crystals. They work? How's your hurry? I feel stronger.

I feel a lot stronger. I didn't know crystals span from the kooky, like, hipster lady to the right wing. Oh, it all comes around. It all comes around. The far right and the far left ain't that different. It's a horseshoe, you're right. But, yeah.

Both of a lot of Bernie people went to Trump. Did they? Yes. A lot of them did. That's true. That's true, Bernie bros. Dude, I mean, That's interesting that you say that about him, though,

because I don't know a ton about him. I really don't. Well, even the allegations are false. He's still one of the worst comedians he's ever lived. I never liked his comedy. No, he stanks, he fucking stanks her shit. Stings, and he ruined Arthur. Yes, he fucking...

That was a big swing. To try to come in and do a better job than fucking Dudley Moore. Right. The original, and also, fucking John Giglid. Didn't he win the Oscar for the original? Oh, I don't know. The original is unbelievable. It's great.

If you haven't seen the original... Oscar, not Oscar, Arthur, you've seen the original Arthur, you should watch that. It's one of the best movies. Yeah, my parents made me, I think my grandparents made me watch that when I was a great script, hilarious jokes. It's basically stand up through the whole movie. It's almost like a danger field type, like,

rhythm of just great jokes. Is that who fucking Liza Minnelly is? I watched that. I've always ever, I've only ever heard Liza Minnelli as a reference point for mostly gay comedians. Yeah. And it was just something in my head that I was like, oh, can I? You see Mateo's act? That's exactly what I'm referencing. He does a good impression of her.

Oh, yeah, I love Mateo Lane. Oh, yeah, he's my neighbor. He's great. Is he? Yeah. Thick walls? I wish they were a little thicker. No, that was a big...

I think the original Arthur is incredible. That's a big swing to do that. Yeah, yeah. Well, he was the golden boy for a minute. He did Sarah Marshall and all that. He was good in that. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I talk about this and should, But he also did get him to the Greek

with Jonah Hill and P. Diddy. Whoa. Seeing the credits of that movie. Is Jonah Hill okay though, right? Yeah. They got, you sort of semi-canceled in the sense that there was an ex-girlfriend who said that he was a bit of a gaslighter. I hate that shit, though. Yeah, and I'll go out of public with text.

I think it's weird when it's like, when it's like, you were in a bad relationship. Is everything blastworthy now? I know. I know. Like, Diddy, I'll give you a diddy. Yes. But it was, I think it was at the time when like people who white women had learned and white men who went to therapy

learned the term gaslighting and I'd be happy if I never heard again. There was just two years where it was like let's throw that that's the new buzzword let's throw it everywhere yeah I can't remember what either what comedian

oh yeah Tom Stade's Canadian comedian lives in the UK is great everyone my favourite bits he's like a youth of the day coming up with all these new fucking terms gaslighting is apparently really bad back away we used to call it lying and that's how you got late.

Good point. Good point. I thought that was Russell Brambert. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there you go. Damn. Oh, yeah, there's so many comedians out there. Yeah. I didn't know there was this pipeline between Canada and England.

So many, a lot of the, many of the fucking, a lot of the comedians who I consider to be like the greats and the ones I certainly looked up to growing up was Tom Stade, Mike Wellmont, fucking Sean Collins. just fucking heaps that yeah they just went and they're still doing it Catherine Ryan Canadian lives in the UK now yeah yeah she's big

yeah she's fucking huge now wow I had no why you think you just go right down to the border right down America yeah but America is so hard to it's so hard to crack but we have friends who came here and also also the immigration fees that's true

like get a lawyer it's crazy yeah good point well hey shit I thought I I talked to a guy earlier. I thought he was going to pop in, but I guess not. Oh, yeah? Yeah, Russell Brand. Oh, man, I'd love to.

Yeah, do you guys know each other at all? No, I mean, he knows who I am. I was the only person in the documentary. And there's absolutely zero way he didn't watch it. He was also the judge on comedy roast battles in the UK. When, again, and every comedian in the UK knew about these rumors. and again they were only just rumors but we all knew the rumors

when we were all on Comedy Central Central UK being like nothing's off limits this is the fucking right they were like none of you were allowed to do jokes about Russell Brand's sexual history and we all went

well that's suss right that's a bit fucking sus to me straight away you have to change rape jokes to like he's weird looking this guy yeah yeah yeah what a verbose I guess and that was actually

the that was actually the that was actually actually where Catherine Ryan called him out but it wasn't aired and then she spoke about it on a later show being like there's a well-known predator does she make a good joke about it

no I think she was I mean she was just you know she was like you are damn the crowd's waiting for a punchline yeah well because the audience didn't fucking know yeah like you know so many people didn't know like it was you know one of those things where you know it was a you know

open secret in the Because you've heard the rumors, but you can't do anything to rumors. You can't go to the police with fucking rumors. Sure. You know, they hate that shit. Damn. It's something about like a straight guy being like, acting like really gay, where it kind of turns in like a Venn diagram of like rapy.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Look no further than David Williams in the UK. It's like a straight guy that pretends to be gay. A hell of allocations. Oh, interesting. Yeah.

Yeah. We've got a couple straight pretending to be gay guys here. I've been cock-blocked by a few. Yeah. Oh, yeah, they're good. They are good. Not a comedy, but... I'm just like a gay guy pretending to be straight.

Yeah, I saw a text to Jimmy Carr earlier. He's in town, and he said, oh, probably pop by. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I guess not. He's fucking excellent. He's a killer. He's also such a... You know, I understand some people might have some bad things to say, but Jimmy,

well, I've noticed about him. He's one of the most supportive comics. I agree. I like Jimmy. World. He, I did eight out of ten cats, which is a show in the UK for the first time

directly thanks to him. Like, I bumped into him a gig when I was about 20 or 21. And I was like, oh my God, you know, you're Jimmy Connie. He's like, oh, yeah, you've heard about it. You're Daniel Slaus. And he watched me do a set. And like, normally, obviously, your agent's books everything.

And he just came up and he was like, do you want to do eight or ten cats? And I was like, are you fucking serious? And then, yeah, I was on it, yeah. Those shows are huge, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, the panel shows. Yeah, yeah. Wow, what a guy.

I was such a young guy. Look at that long hair. It's the third one along. That's me on the left. Let me zoom in on this. And the other one, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's me as a fucking, yeah. Well, it looked like Cobain or something.

That's wild. Yeah, they got the fucking Bieber haircut, man. Holy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, you did. Yeah, yeah, that was, I mean, I've had many iterations. I'm like the worst Pokemon. Look at that hair.

Holy shit. Three stages of my evolution and all are shite. Are you familiar with Hanson? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, that's wild. Yeah, Carr, what a workhorse. I mean, this guy's writing a billion jokes, hosting this shit on the road. He's got kids.

He's on the road like a motherfucker. Crazy. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, he had to be for a bit. He was a tax dodger. Jimmy's open about this Jimmy's been open about some pockets I'm not I would never

Dobby Jimmy in anything I love him But in his show He was like the reason I do two shows Is because when he dodged The Taxman He's like paying by the tax man

One shows for the tax man And one's for me Wow That's how he That's it Yeah yeah And he is the I mean I think the hardest working man

How do you How are you that successful And you must have a good accountant And you do I mean Is it a conscious choice to be like fuck you I'm not paying taxes well I mean I have the actual

god I don't know how much I can say on here lay on me 30 come on so the rumor is the story is that he it wasn't his decision to like he was given an accountant and it was sort of told

to him that because his tax dodging was legal it's nothing different that the billionaires do in this country where they keep all their money offshore. Yeah. Like his was all sort of technically above board and it was suggested by somebody, let's just say somebody in his team had suggested it, said it, that it would be fine. And also, Jimmy loves.

Okay. But, yeah, you never know. No, no. I think, look, he's paid it back all now. And he also had the funniest response. because when he was doing 8,810 cats, which is a week, like a topical news show where they're talking about the stuff in the week.

They do the show, the week that it all comes out about Jimmy, and he lets the other comedians fucking roast them because he deserves to be roast. He knows he did it wrong. And he gets roasted for like 10, 50 minutes. And then John Richardson, great UK comedian, he's like, all jokes are saying, here's why what you did is fucking shit.

Like, all poor people pay tax. And you didn't. And it's not, you know, the government will never take the money from the rich people. they'll only increase the taxes of the poorer people to make it worse. So you weren't stealing from the government, you were stealing from everyone else, which is a very, very good point. And Jimmy

sits there and he takes it and he gets all the fucking abuse. And then he goes, you know, I could set up here and say that I'm sorry and point to all the efforts I've made with charity over the years and all the money that I've given the charities but I don't think lying will help my case.

Wow, that's great. Yeah, such a funny Yeah, yeah. Damn. Damn. Get it funny. Got to keep it funny when you fuck up. Well, he's just, he's the consummate. He's the quickest, yeah. He's quick. Yeah.

Wow. Well, good for Jimmy. He paid his debt to society and now he's back. And he loves money so much. Yeah. For me, I got to a certain point where I was like, once your house is paid off, you know, how much, how much realistically do you need to turn? Sure. Like, once the house is paid off.

Kids are happy. Kids are happy. Two cars. After that, I'm like, I'm slowing down. much I work. I'm so down how much I tour because what's her? Jimmy car I've got no doubt he loves his kids.

More as much as he loves to it. Yeah, yeah, but he's put half of it into his face. He's really really worked on himself. But he's open about it. He's open about it. This is a weird time. This is all bullshit. He's like I was told you weren't going to talk about this. My face, my tax problem.

These are all secrets. Have you had on this? Yeah. Yeah, I was going to say. Yeah, I love Jimmy. Yeah. Does he drink? Did he drink? Did he drink? I don't think he did. Does he? I don't know if he drinks. He might have cracked an ale, but I don't know if he touched it. I mean, not everyone.

Everyone's so fucking, we get so many people being like, I don't drink, and we're just like, you don't have to. Right. We love a day off every once in a while. But I mean, it's fun when people drink, but yeah, we've had people who I guess are, you know, in the program and they have a publicist who's just like, I'm not even bringing this to them. And we're like, yeah, I mean, you don't have to drink.

Yeah, we've been. Last time I did this podcast, I don't think we started recording it like two or something. I hadn't had any lunch that day I walked out of this room fucking cunted man that was a big because I think you were made like somebody was making as like drinks

and bringing them in concert yeah we've slowed that down because that presents a problem yeah man the show I had that night like I very I remember having to tell the audience that I'd done this podcast I had to be like I'm sorry

that I'm so drunk but it's because I did a podcast call Everybody loved the episode except Russell Brand Yeah, yeah, yeah Man, this is one of the... This is Jamie, like, I'm very grateful to the fans of this show because this is like my most requested one to come back on. Oh, hell yeah.

Yeah, yeah, hey. And people like, it was a great episode. I'm like, well, obviously, I can't remember what it was, but I'm going to trust you all when you say it was a good... Yeah. Yeah. You made a splash. I remember you talked about the Glasgow smile,

and I think it went crazy viral. I got like 10 million views. Oh, yeah, the fuck you were with the razor plate. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if I've got any other good Scottish violence stories since then but it's not like we've calmed down Yeah

You obviously know about the Glasgow Kiss What's that's it? It's just a headbut Oh that's fun That's what it's called Glasgow Kisses Somebody gets up Because like a lot of Scotland It's asking a woman for consent kind of weird

Yeah A lot of Scotland's like Do you know what squaring up means Yeah Like if you're squaring up to someone The Scottish, you want to fight Glasgow Kisses Just shut up just straight in

head button I was just talking about this on A S Soters podcast Yeah But yeah it's You made the rounds man Yeah Well also I'm man I love

I think Dan Soters is Oh he's a great comment He's about to blow up by then Drew Magandard Of course he does Of course he does Oh Do you claim more England

Or Scotland at this point Scotland Okay Fuck the English Fuck the English Fuck the English And I say this is somebody who have my family's English

I would say 90% of my friends are English a lot of my fans are English I love going to England before performing there's so many beautiful places you know I love it How about Liverpool dude dude? Fuck England to death Oh Liverpool Yeah it's fucking great

Yeah the hot water comedy club Yeah it's my post who was there when I was there I was like that's my buddy right there Yeah yeah hot water What hot water did was really really exceptional in that they were like The first comedy club in the UK to have that little fucking camera

that recorded everything. And for their host, Paul Smith, who's one of the most famous comedians in the UK, sells out multiple, multiple arenas regularly. The reason he's famous because he was just their resident MC and they would just film all of his stuff because it's all in the crowd work.

They would just cut his stuff up, put it online, and he blew the fuck up. Wow. In the same way that, like I've always said that you guys, at least from my perspective, from the UK. You guys were like some of the first comedians over here to do the clips. Clips.

Yeah. At a time where beforehand, people were like, there was a sort of snootiness to like, oh, you know, I'm not doing so soon. I'm not burning this. And then you guys did it and you fucking smashed it. And then the game changed after that. Our equivalent of that in the UK was very much what? Wow.

So I love that club. I loved it. It's so good. I want to go back. I was like this is, it felt like comedy on state, Denver comedy. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Comedy on States a fucking great one.

Epic. It's just, and I love Liverpool and I make fun of the world. It's such a shame about the horrific accent. It truly is. It's amazing. It takes you a second.

You're like, wait, what? Was that actually fucking English? Liverpool is very lucky that Birmingham exists for the worst accent in the UK. But for those who they might not know, Birmingham's the fucking Peky Blinders accent.

And God, does it make me racist? I guess it's like for here it'd be like a real deep southern accent Yeah yeah No you I'm a foreigner man There's a fucking charm to the southern accent Oh I mean to us too

But it's still fucking it's It is funny when you see like a real thick one You're like what? Yeah yeah How many generations ago did you own slaves That's what I'm gonna Just one We're bringing it back baby

I didn't Because I didn't know about this Paul Is it Paul Smith? Yes I did the podcast podcast in Liverpool, is it Mike Rowe? Oh, I love them. Adam Rowe.

Great pods. Those guys are awesome. Great guys. They have a word pods. I love it. Yes. Again, they came from fucking Liverpool. Yeah.

Great guys. They were the first ones that sort of when we're going to take the American podcast format, which was working for fucking everyone, especially the rise of, you know, your mother's house and all that stuff. Your mother's house. Yeah. We call it your mother's house. I like that. In the UK, that's, you know.

Clean it up a little. It's just a bit classier. Yeah. And the end. man, I did their roast three weeks ago in Glasgow. They're great. Oh, dude, Glasgow. I just played there twice.

Well, I was with them that day when they were leaving for the roast. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I did their pod that day. Yeah, they're good, good eggs. But I did Glasgow, I was getting heckled. I couldn't understand them. Yeah, of course. It's so thick.

It's so thick. Yeah. It was a lot of, what was that? A lot of that. Yeah. I was like, I think he called me a f***, but I can't tell. No, it wouldn't call you, if it's, Glasgow, it wouldn't call you a poofter. Oh, that might have been it.

Aye. You fucking woof darn. It sounds a little softer. Yeah, poof is, look, poof is homophobic, but it's, if you ask any poof in Scotland, none of them cared about the word poof. We call, you know, like, Alka-Seltzers. Yeah. That's called Poof juice in the UK. Oh.

Why is that? Because it's a gay drink. You're right. Do you smear off ice? It's, you know, tart fuel. Indigestion. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.

It's anything that's like. anti-Semitic. Mike's hard lemonade. That's a poof-jure. Oh, okay. That makes sense. Seema. Yeah. White Claw. Yeah. Any of that, you know, it comes from that masculinity of, here we go.

I love to see Eddie Murphy doing this. You, all these poofs looking at my ass. Poof is, I... Poof is fun. Look, I dislike genuine homophobia. Unfortunately, homophobia,

the original homophobes came up with some great slugs. Yeah. The original homophobes came out with some fucking banging. I agree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, look, Ars Bandit? That's so funny. Pillow biter? That's cold. A poo pirate?

Was it a heart in the wrong place? Yes. Was the creative on point? Absolutely. Yes. I mean, the racist jokes, the old ones are very clever. How do you stop a black guy from raping a chick? Throw him a basketball? I mean, that's some thot in there. Bying for the other team.

He's just like, uh-huh. Yeah, and he gets no. credit, no love. Bean queen describe Mexican homosexuals. Ah, bean queen, that's great. That's awful.

That's clever. Butterfly boy. Butterfly boy, effeminate man, that would be me. Chaser. Okay. Cornhole. So you know the booze is hitting.

Yeah. We're at the point of power we're just reading slurs. Bulldike. Oh, here's the other one. So dyke means, is a street in Scotland. Oh.

Right? So it's come from Scotland? No. No, the word dyke means street. So I used to live around the corner from back dykes. Oh. Like back dykes is where I used to visit my friends to go and play. Right.

They lived in the dikes. Ah. Well, Dyke here is like a port or a, it's like a... I think it's spelled differently though, isn't it? Oh, is it? Okay. Also, I think I just saw Foop as a... homophobic slur there, which is just poof backwards.

That's for the dyslexic. Yeah. Foop. Yeah. What is, Dick Dyke here is two primary meanings. Lesbian, but also oh, it is spelled different.

Yeah. And the Cockney, the Cockney time for lesbian is a Rusty. Oh. Because Rusty bike, Dyke. So a couple of Rusties.

I love that. A couple leaps there. Yeah. But that's what comedy very much like it's apple and pears is stairs it's the rhyme in it's very stupid and frustrating thing that i'm glad is dying out but there are some there are some bangers in there yeah yeah a guy richie had a few of those in his movies it's all written all over your chevy chase yes yeah yeah yeah okay well geez a hip hitter great hey left-handed is

so funny. Just left-handed. Nancy. Yeah, I mean, look, I agree with that. Stoke on Trent, just calling. Oh, there you go, Courtney Rhymerstein. He's Stoke. Stoke on Trent bent.

Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's Stoke. Got it. Stoke the fires would be way too close to the etymology of f***. Right, right. The bundle of sticks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My friend Reese Nicholson, the great comedian, him and his partner every year for Christmas get a giant bundle of sticks wrap Christmas lights around I can call it the Christmas Friott. Is he the well-dressed guy?

Yes, he won the little thing. Oh, Reese is the best. He did the seller something. Yeah. It was at least. Yeah. They've done E. Cone in a bunch of times. Oh, nice. Nice. This is the slurs for feminine men, brownie, but pirate Bender. Bender. Bender's great.

Oh, that's good. Chutney Farrantner. Fender's hilarious. Chattney Fender is. what you just want to do to it. Yeah, right. Ponce. I remember Ponce, pull-a-biter. Shirtlifter, great.

Shirtlifter. Turd-burglars a fucking jam. That is brilliant. That's like a top-20 hit. Top-20, top-10. That's homophobic because it's so funny to assume that the reason gay men are fucking other men in the ass is because they want to steal your poo. That is such, because that's also what boo pirate is.

Yeah. Just not understand. But it's also just a word choice. These gays are fucking bums because they want to steal our boo! But turd and burglar are both already funny words. Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Combination. Hold on, you had some lesbians at the bottom of the list there.

Pussy puncher I enjoy. Todger Dodger is very funny. What's a todger? Todger is your willing. Oh, I didn't know. Okay. Carpet muncher, that's a classic. That is one of the top.

Yeah. Rug muncher? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, where are you going to be there? What do you got coming up? Yeah, you're back out there at all?

Me? Yeah, you got some dates to plug? Yeah, I guess. Yeah. Look, this thing is the show is going on the road of edge. I'm taking some time off when I get home. I'm doing mostly, yeah, here we go. The UK.

And then doing Turkey, because I just love Turkey. Nice. And then start next year is when we start doing it. I heard Budapest amazing. Budapest is the fucking text. I've heard it's... I've got to do the gigs. Do the gigs.

Do the gigs. Do the gigs. I'm definitely going in. I will give you the contact information from... In Vienna. Please. I want to go to all these places. I'd love to India.

Yeah, we're going to do all of it. We're going to do everything. If you do India, you go out with Dead Ant, they know what to do. They've taken fucking Mia. They've taken Jess andick out. They're about to take cash and Markle out. And again, India, you're not making money when you go there the first time. Because if you want to talk about the cost of living crisis in the rest of the world,

it's affected India a whole bunch so it's like you've got to make you don't want to outpriced the working class then the working class are slightly less than the not a margin more less than the rest of the world so if you do there you don't go out to India with the idea of making money in the first year

you'll make a bit but it's you know I understand for you guys you're travelling halfway around the world it's the best it's one of the most important places in the world to visit and experience nobody does better than dead and hide okay wait all right and then also my American tour will be

I've announced, I think in the next couple of months, I'll be here October next year, I think. Okay, okay. All right, boy, fun stuff. Amsterdam, you're everywhere. Yeah, Budapest, Turkey, Vienna, all the fun places. Yeah, I just got Reno, November 29th, the Atlantis, and Carnegie Hall, New York, New York, December 4th. So let's go. Fucking buddy, that's awesome.

That's all I got. Yeah, yeah, thank you, bro. Local boy makes good. It's November 29th. That was right, right? Been drinking. Because I've done a bunch of time. And a beacon for me is like the big.

Beacon is probably the best. But in terms of, also I believe, and correct me if I'm wrong here, I believe Carnegie was Scottish. Oh. I could be very wrong. I could be thinking of a different Carnegie. My history isn't as good.

I believe it's Andrew. Yeah. Oh, if it's Andrew Carnegie, then I'm almost 100% correct. Okay. Hey. Hey. Look at that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's a Yeah, because there's a fucking Carnegie Hall in Dunfermeland, which is seven miles from where I fucking grew up. Yes. Wow. Okay.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, great. Awesome. Good call. All right. Hey, I'm all over the place. Mystic Lake Casino and Minneapolis

than Kansas City. Back to the clubs to build the new hour. Des Moines. Brea, California. And Grand Rond, Oregon. Never heard of that. New Brunswick.

San Antonio. We're all over the place. Get our fucking bodega cat on that menu, dude, New Brunswick. Yes. Any brand, you fucking better, you better be listening to us. You lied to us. He said you were serving it. Oh, I didn't know that.

Get it. Tulsa, Arizona, Indianapolis. Say that, go back to that. Arizona one. Say that. Say that, fucking say you. Hold on. I can't do it.

Sahawarita. That sounds right. Yeah. Nailed it. Probably shouldn't have done a Mexican woman's voice. Ah, you're a bean counter. What is it? A bean counter.

A bean counter is a great one for a lesbian. A bean counter, right. She's racking them up. Indiana, Buffalo, and we're way out in Portland. Especially if she's licking her finger before turning. Exactly. You're going hard, dude. I got to start booking my next year.

I've done shit. Yeah. All right, thanks a lot. Check out Sloss on the road. Do all this stuff. You got a pod. Oh, we've taken a big hi-as. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it was called Salton Havries on the road, and then I stopped being on the road. All right, well, happy Thanksgiving. Get some bodega cat. It's perfect for the family. You're going to need it with your drunk uncle. Hang out with the fam. Get some turkey.

Have a great Thanksgiving, and we're grateful for you. We're thankful for you guys. So thanks for listening, guys. Sorry, Native Americans. Sunday's a day for my next fender. A bit of Peverack. You know the future's close. I've had a little too much.

Burbin and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope and I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans this woman doesn't look like I remember her and I get down in the same way be true