We Might Be Drunk - Ep 262: Jerry Seinfeld

Episode Date: December 15, 2025

Big time ep this week. Jerry Seinfeld joins Mark and Sam for a master class in standup, craft, bombing, discipline, and the joy and pain of joke writing. They get into brutality onstage, late night comedy history, why Sebastian’s physicality kills, Rodney stories, Carlin stories, obsessing over bits that never work, and how to stay sharp decades into a career. Plus, some classic peeves, movie talk, and deep comedy philosophy. A monster episode. Sponsored by: Go to https://quince.com/drunk for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/DRUNK Go to https://Lucy.co/DRUNK and use promo code DRUNK to get 20 percent off your first order. Go to https://sheath.com and use promo code Drunk for 20 percent off. Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #JerrySeinfeld #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #bodegacatwhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

this is the worst part of the podcast world what's that it's just that you're you're set in a spot you're like you stay here it's like a dog right you sit you stay here yeah right in comedy we it's free it's about freedom yeah you don't move a ton though do you do you move a lot Yeah. Oh, yeah. I guess you do. You told me to move more. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, it's boring watching someone stand there. Sure. Oh, man. I don't... Wait for him. He's planted like a magnet on the ground. You got to walk.

Yeah. He doesn't walk. And really, it does keep them awake. I mean, I didn't, at the beginning, when I first started playing theaters, I didn't. And then I realized, why am I not using this? Right. He's the whole thing. I got to use it.

Look at Chris Rock. I mean, that guy never stops. Yeah. Yeah, he's a stomper. That's car. He likes to march around. But that's why I hate Zoomcom. Do you ever do a Zoom gig?

No, I would not. I would not do that. He didn't have to compromise. Let's start with an introduction here of who's here. Oh, okay. So you know who's here. I think people know. Zoom gig.

No, people did him. A lot of people did him. I know did him. Wow. He's a psycho. I think, did Gaffigan do him too? I bet he did. Yeah, but my point is you can't move, you're stuck on the screen

That we were so sick that we convinced ourselves it wasn't that bad during that time Yeah I mean, I knew it was bad, but I was like, that wasn't that bad Well, it's basically the crackhead digging at the bottom of the pipe You know, we're just trying to get some resin, some hit I was on the first show back, you were the first Comic On at Gotham The first show back from COVID Yeah

You were the first, you went on before the post Because it was like symbolic, I think Wow, I don't remember that Chuck Schumer. Really? No, no, no. I didn't do a set that night. We did something?

No, I just did a thing for money for Broadway. And he had some bill to get money for people, so I came in. I remember I didn't take the mask off. It was a bunch of people. No. Judah's still wearing a mask. That's true. Yeah, that's good.

That tells you, it informs you, of what you're gonna what you've got you know yeah it's like the trucks with the big balls hanging in the back you know okay i know who i'm dealing with here anti-semite clearly yeah i i uh i have this classic card i want to put bumper stickers on it but i don't want to be that guy why what kind of bumper stickers well just funny bumper stickers people give me stuff yeah the show i want to put the podcast this is breaking this funny bumper are you really looking at bumpers Super stickers?

I'm a big bumper sticker guy. Old ones. Old ones, yeah. They're cool. But then I don't want to, you know, ruin the car, ruin the bumper. I just bought a 63 VW Beetle. Okay. That has Nixon's the one bumper sticker on.

See, that's cool. That is cool. Yeah, I mean, it's a real thing. Yeah. It's a real old, you know. But what would you get? What is funny? Tell me what's funny.

No fat chicks. You know, something like that. Something fun. Boob, Inspector. Grass, her ass. Everybody rides for free. I don't even think I know any bumper stickers. Well, you're a Manhattan night.

Yeah. No, bumpers tickets were big. I lived on the highway in Louisiana. I was always on the highway. Oh, so there they are. So that's how you do it on this show. You got a Googler. Yes, Google Bitch, we call them.

We had this. I first experienced this at DreamWorks in 2005 when I was making B-movie. And it was still kind of a thing. And whatever we'd be talking about, they'd have somebody Googling it. Oh. But he didn't have a screen. He just kept turning it around. And we called him swively Googler.

Sounds like a Harry Potter guy. Swively Googler. Well, now they turn the tip thing around. You see in this? I'm sure you got 20 minutes on the tip flip. You know that at Starbucks where they flip the screen? Yeah. And it says 18%, 20%, 25%.

I saw when recently that was, it was, I think, 2550, 75. Come on. Oh, 75. It was insane. We're in Dubai. Come on. Yeah, everything's tipped now. Everything's tipped.

The service has got worse. Anything, any goddamn thing where they get in, you cannot get them out. Yeah. Right? They got away with it and that's it. And they're taking the money. I was just reading on the way down. You watch Red Zone on Sunday, right?

Sometimes. So they put. commercials on it. Yeah. It's like $280 for this channel to watch football with no commercials. Okay. And they say, well, you won't notice it. But now they're all, but that's it.

They're not going back. Nobody goes back. They don't go back. No. I'll give you a couple more examples. Yeah. Chips and salsa at every Mexican restaurant they put on the table. Now it's five bucks.

Is it? They'll never go back. Because you want the chips and salsa, you pay the money and. But do you have to order it? You have to order it. Okay, well, that's different. Hit the table. If you're asking for it, then I don't mind paying, but don't put it down and then...

Sure, sure. Yeah, but it used to be free. That's my point. It's such a nice touch. They ever go to a restaurant and they just have, like, random appetizers that you didn't order? Like, there's an Italian place downtown. They just, like, the food's a little more expensive, but then they bring out, like, cheese and salami and neckclay. That's a nice touch.

That's a nice surprise. Yeah. What was the other one? You had a couple of these. I've been right making a list. I'm checking it twice. The burger at a diner used to come with, you know, a pickle, lettuce, and a tomato. Now that's deluxe.

Now it's a deluxe burger. So you have to order more or pay more. Oh, boy. Things are tough for more. I'm not done. He got this from you. We both watched you growing up. And we're like, it's okay to complain.

Yes, it is okay. How about the hotel? The chival. Check in and now is at four. Four. And then the checkout is at 11. So the window is getting smaller, but the price is going up. Yeah, you're paying for what?

17 hours? Yes. If you're lucky. Is he doing me? Is he trying to do it? He's been doing you for 15 years. No, I'm serious. These are all things that have changed and they'll never go back.

But people must do a lot. There must be a lot of comics doing the tip thing. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Big time. When the self-checkout was a thing, that was every comic had that been. Right, right. I got a check.

Yeah, it's the best one that you heard of it. Burr it a good one. Yeah, I don't work here. You do it. Why am I doing your job? Yeah, but it was a better version of that. I did that in the movie theater decades ago. Yes.

Dropping the popcorn. You did it at the Oscars. That's right. I remember. That was 2007, B-movies, same era. How rough is that crowd? Is that brutal? It's, you know, it's a corporate.

Right. Who are you looking to? Oscar for Inconvenient Truth Who's? Al Gore. Wow. Remember that?

Started the whole greenie. Sure, sure. Climate change. That was the category. When you're up at the Oscars, who are you looking for in the crowd? They're like, I hope I can get a laugh at this person.

I don't look. I'm listening. I listen. I don't look. All right. So I got a joke on with Jervais did it. Or the Golden Globes are one of those. I sent him a couple jokes.

Yeah. And one of my jokes, they show Tom Hanks, and he goes, ooh. It was about him being a pedophile, that's what It wasn't far off But yeah, that was a hit for me No Yeah

Damn, that's rough But he played I remember Schumer did a roast once We were at that roast with her It was at the hotel by here And I gave her a line on the way And she did it And I just saw her look at me

I was just like, I'm sorry Just nothing Yeah Well, you tried I was given a line by Nick DePaolo And you know When someone gives you a line

It's a beautiful thing. Yeah. Especially when it works. When it works. And isn't it true that whenever you do the line, there's a little bubble with their face in it? Yes. In your head, right?

You see that person. Well, this is the greatest line I've ever been given. And it's a really good line, but he should have the credit because he gave it to me. He's told me. You know the line. I know the line. The coffin and the eulogy,

the number one fear is speaking in front of people. Number two is death. And I don't remember what I had. I don't know. which does it hurt you does it sting a little that you didn't come up with it though no a little

it was your premise though yeah so he gave me you know that means if you're going to a funeral you'd rather be in the coffin than doing the eulogy it's a great line yeah it's a great that's great that's great it's like guy is you ever with a bit you just overcomplicate things and you're like that was it

I know the most simple thing is usually but isn't it amazing how the audience tells you that yes isn't it amazing what they can communicate It's kind of like a dog. You know, dogs look at you and you can kind of form sentences from their face. Right, right, yeah, yeah. I think he wants to go out.

You know, he's just looking at you a certain way. Yeah. Audiences do the same thing. They just make weird sounds. Right. That just say, yeah, but that idea but different. Right. Or that idea, but faster.

That's true. Or not that idea. We like the way you got into it, but we don't like where it went. Right. The amount of information, especially I find what I love, when you go on to try new stuff, and it's a total mess. Yeah, you know what I mean? You can't remember it. You're all over the place.

How often is that for you, though? Because I feel like your stuff, even when I see you work out, it seems pretty polished. No, no. Most of the time. I mean, I have stuff at different, everything's at a different level, obviously. But the first time, sometimes it gets really messy. But still, you come off and it's like someone just hands you a report. Right.

Right. In your head, like, here's what you need to fix. Here's what we liked. I don't think people understand how much audiences write the act. You know, the act that you're seeing is what the last hundred crowds liked. Right. That's what you're going to see tonight. But why is it so hard for us to write down funny ideas, funny jokes, and then the audience goes, no.

And I'm like, how did I not predict this? why is that such a hard translation because you're dealing with something that no one understands really no one really knows what's funny I mean we can be pretty sure that's about as good

as it gets right I'm pretty sure that's why you know to write a lot of stuff I think like if you write like when Larry and I did the show between the two of us so you got a you cut kind of a cross filter right if you can get by both of us we thought okay that's probably got a chance yeah but just one person's not enough

it really isn't and you could do it for what 50 years what are you at 50 years yeah they still you think you know you still don't know no we used to bounce bits in coffee shops all the time when we were starting out was there a comic you did that with early on every every comic I know was there like a go-to guy was shanling one of them uh yeah Gary loves to bounce I never met a comedian didn't like to bounce stuff around I feel like not everyone does it anymore no Everything's so splintered now. Everything's very individual. I was watching Sebastian's new special, which is fantastic on Hulu.

Oh, yeah. It ain't right. And I got upset because, you know, when you watch a comic, you just see jokes so easily that they somehow missed. It's just you can't see everything from the inside. So he has this great bit about a dinner and people say, I'll then mow you the money. And he says, well, what if the guy dies? I'm at the funeral. And I got to go up to the widow and go, listen, you know, I'm sorry for your loss.

And I wanted to add, but I don't want it to be my loss. Oh, that's good. It's a good laugh there. It's already shot and aired. Damn. Yeah. Maybe we can re-ed it. He could tell that at a corporate or something.

Yeah. I'll tell it. I got to call him later. Yeah, it's a really funny show. I like, you know, he's really comfortable. Yeah. I love a comedian. You know what?

You could tell he's been working a lot. I love that look. Yes. You can see it. Right. You can see a guy that's been working a lot or a woman. Or who's been laying off. Yeah.

There's no hiding it, you know. There's just, it's the way your feet move on the floor. Right. You know, when you start moving them, you're sick. I'm going to focus on that You have to, really, you have to We were just talking about, we just did a similar gig in Reno at a casino And not brag

That wasn't the story But there's no similar gigs in Reno They're all the same But we Yeah, I was moving a little more Because it was kind of a very horizontal room So I kind of had to And you're like, oh, this actually, it doesn't feel that bad

And I had to give a little more energy because it's a casino. You just feel like you have to give a little. Of course. It's a form of punctuation that you're not using, that you should use. You should use everything you have because you don't have much, you know. Well, you don't want to hump the stool. Slow that.

Yeah, no. But don't you love how many different things the stool has been? Oh, my God. And the mic stand. Yeah, yeah. Let's do some favorites of that. Orney Adams with the big cell phone. Remember that one?

Yeah, yeah. Leno used to do one with the key to the men's room. It's on the end of this ring and don't try and steal it. Oh, that's great. That's great. And who used to do, you're a good comedy historian. Somebody used to do, might have been Sinbad, the weather man in a storm. And he got on the stool horizontally and did the weather report, you know.

Oh, wow. He was holding on to the mic stand like a polo. That was great. That's a risk. If that doesn't hit, you just look like an idiot. You got to respect that risk. Yeah, yeah. There's this comic Nick Vatterot, and he would just go, I remember like open mics,

he would go so big, and I admired it so much because it would be like four people in a room. So when I bomb a joke, you just bomb it. It's whatever. But when he bombed a joke, you're like, ooh, that's rough. When he killed for four people, you just were like, this is incredible. It was incredible. Well, that's the thing about the stool is we're not huge fans of prop comedy, but you're allowed to use that.

Yeah, you're allowed to use that. It's already there. And if you can find something that no one's done with it. Yeah, yeah. That's a great experience. Yeah, because you're working within the rules. You're not bringing a prop. You're using one of the props.

Right. And anytime you can hit yourself in the head with the mic and you get that thump, that kills. Yeah. Then you'll love Bobby Collins. Yeah. I've never done it, but it works. I'm using the mic as a PlayStation now. Oh, no, a Game Boy.

Okay. The Game Boy controller for the Titanic submersible ship. What? He actually had, he actually... There's an Xbox mode, right? Yeah, he had an Xbox. Crazy. But I thought Game Boy was funnier.

Yeah, yeah. Game Boy's a funnier word. What was it? It was another... Oh, I opened for J.B. Smooth for a while. And remember when the Segway came out? Yeah. He would do the micstand segue, and it would crush.

Crush. He's great with physicality. It's tough. It's tough. What's tough? I mean, not everyone has it. Not everyone... I mean, I guess you within.

your body you can figure it out but not everyone is it's not it's not gonna play for everyone like Sebastian not everyone can move like Sebastian no no one you know it's but Marcelo did a pretty funny Sebastian did you see that oh of course I saw it

it's so wonderful it went crazy viral you know what it reminded me of it reminded me of when Will Ferrell and Sherry O'Terry started doing the cheerleading I thought it was like a bubble of

life that show you know that show goes through its iterations yep and that suddenly kind of was like a little defibrillation it was like i think the body might not be dead yeah yeah yeah will ferald just went so big it's it's yeah it's cool it's so different than you know yeah than other kinds of stand-up i know this is so cool to see a guy we'll try to do stand-up in the early days did it couldn't do it yeah well it's a different animal It's a beastly animal. Yeah, it's a blue-collar job. It is.

It is. Well, you proved that. Well, didn't Greg Keneer try as well? Sure, had to. Anybody that could talk. Yeah, Michael Keaton. But you find your thing. I mean, he's great in a lot of movies.

You know, everyone's got their thing, you know? Yeah. Not everyone, but. Not everyone. In fact, hardly anyone. That's true. That is true. But didn't Michael Keaton do, or he just do it for the movie?

He did it. No, he was going to. He was funny, too. Yeah. He used to have a bit about gangsters, the way gangsters were talking old movies. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we'll do it that way, say. Something like that.

I can't remember it. Yeah, yeah. That was the 70s. But that's the thing is, you know, stand-up is so much work. He looks like a comic, doesn't he? He does, yeah. He looks like a comic there. Well, he's in those eight, that movie with Henry Winklow.

He's so funny in that movie. Yeah. Night shift. Oh, yeah. That broke him out, yeah. But they, no one wants to stick. with stand-up that's the thing you gotta need it even stand-ups don't want to stick with exactly exactly i think because it's just so much failure you're just going against the waves

over and over and i think eventually people go i can't do that again yes but it's it's a it's a brutal physical challenge yeah physical challenge weekly yes you know i remember when i was doing the series that getting towards the end and you're sitting there in that high director's chair And someone came up to me and said, what kind of water would you like? And I just thought, I got to get out. I'm going to turn into Java the Hut, you know. What I like about, what I love about, I love everything about stand-up, but I love that it, it hardens you. Mentally, physically, emotionally, you're just getting beat up.

Yeah. And I don't know if that's a little tingeomassikism. little bit but it's like baseball too you know if you want to can you believe i mean think about i don't did you watch the world series oh yeah i saw the last game okay iser uh kiner falafa the lead off of third yeah two inches from the world championship two inches away and he was a foot his lead was so short you know this has been done the death on the no the home the picture at home played is like yeah and he's slide you didn't have to slide so one When, and I know a guy who's a sports psychologist, I said, when does he ever get that at, when will he get that out of his mind?

Yeah. He's a professional athlete. You have to be able to do that. Right. And he said he needs trauma therapy right now. I mean, wouldn't you if you were, you know, those field goals, Super Bowl missing field goals, Buffalo. Bill Buckner? Bill Buckner.

Sure, sure. Larry did a funny bit with him. I saw that. That was great. That was great. That was great. That was great. That was great.

Wait, so that missed? Or is that something else? That's just a weird angle. Oh, okay. But that is the play. That's the play. Whoa. He's already crossing the plate there.

Can you back that up a little? We should start naming that move after his last, what's the last name again? Tiner Folefa. Yeah, you pulled a Folepha. Every time you missed the plate. But there is, on the bottom one there, looks so close. That's not excruciating. No, now we're going to make it worse.

If he's watching this, he's going to kill himself now. Yeah. Well, we've had that where you bomb and you're in the shower going, why the fuck did I say that? It's not the same. Hadeki Arrabu from the Yankees commit suicide, you know? It's like that pressure, man. He did.

Uh-oh. Over a play? No, not over a play. Over, I think just. Now, Arad slept with his girl. Arrabu. Pulled up. Aram Angels.

Donnie, who blew 86. Walbur. Bleu the save. Donnie something. Most. He took his life. Hedekirabu. 42.

A parent suicide had alcohol and prescription medication. Come on, we can't blame that on a play. Just a weekend in Reno. Come on. A similar gig in Reno. Yeah, I love how much you – I think there's – I've heard you compare stand-up to baseball, too, like the starting lineup. Right. You bump a player out.

Right. You have your starters. You have you guys trying to get into the lineup. And what's weird about baseball that I've never understood, and I guess it's similar in stand-up, although stand-up is very reliable, don't you find? A good show will follow a bad show. Oh, yeah.

When you do a bad set, you can almost guarantee the next one's going to, you're going to, because I think it's like a fear thing. It's like, have I lost it? Am I done? Am I not good? It snaps you back on your feet. Yeah. It sucks to end on the bad one that night.

If you do a couple. Yeah. Yeah, I did two last night. The second one was horrible. First one was great. Same material. I was just, I wasn't in it. I was off.

And I think I was too cocky from the first one. Went down to the second club. There it is. That's the fascinating pendulum swing of how it corrects you. Yes. That's what I was trying to say. It just kind of emotionally keeps you. It's like the bumpers in a bowling alley.

Right. You can't go too far. It's going to knock you back the other way. Yeah. That's true. That's why you got to tape two at the special. Oh, at least. At least.

I did three. I tape four and I wasn't happy with any other than that. I'm doing two this time and I'm like, I wonder if it's a mistake. The last one was four, too. I don't know. I would do four. I just did three. We got on the third, yeah.

Three is good. Three was good, but I'm glad I did three. Now, do you guys, I hear about these guys that they do these specials and they, what? You know what I'm going to say? You don't know it. Every ten minutes? Every two years? What?

What? What? Do a special? every two years. I was the third word of the sentence. I thought I had it. It's a peeve. Name that tune.

Do you guys not sit and edit every line with the editor? I do. It depends. Yeah, usually, but. It depends. On what? If you have a lunch plan? Well, I say I know which show is the show, usually.

And I'm like, that's mostly there. And if I don't like a line, I just sub it out. I mean, I know the jokes well enough that I don't, I have sat with them, but the last one I didn't actually. Really? Yeah. Well, I'm too nervous. I'm a control freak. And that way I got to know.

I had a friend not Joe List. He was like, it went well, you got it. And he's miserable with it. He hates it. Really? Yeah. He's like, I should have said in there. I talked to a comedian the other day, no names, who was not happy with the special.

And it's not someone I know that well, but asked me if I would look at it and what I thought. And I said, do you really want to do this? Like, for real? Oh, God. And the person said yes. And I watched it. And I said, it's good, but it's not as good as you are. Oh, okay.

And I don't, you know, we, Mark and I have discussed this endlessly, this, you know, You know, the undercooked chicken, you know. There's also an overcooked chicken, though, too. I think there's also been, you can also overcook a chicken, too. Yeah, you could. You could. But undercooked is definitely worse. Yeah.

But there's a point of the tour where I'm just like, I'm sick of these jokes. Really? I think, I'm at the point where I'm happy I'm going to tape soon because I just, I just think I need to move on. You just got to rip the band-aid. It's so impressive that your whole generation has, that's just the protocol. that's what you're going to do to survive, right? Yeah. Yeah.

I think it's good, but you mentioned it to me. You're a cripple for a year and a half after it. Oh, yeah. It sucks. Yeah, but it's making the whole thing work. Yeah, and it is good. I mean, look, you're in a little postpartum funk afterwards where you're just like, what the hell, what is this that I'm doing on stage?

Oh, yeah. And you're trying to, you need at least 10 to throw at the wall. So you're like, okay, when I'm at the cellar, I'm not just wasting these people's time. something to fall back on. Right. And they look up at you like, why is this guy here? This guy sucks. You're like, no, no, I have good stuff, but I'm trying not to go back to it.

Because you're going on after a killer. Yeah. Some young killer who's just hammering it and you're just like, look, I saw Louis do it and Louie was just some of those sets. He was taking an L. And I was, I admired it, man. He hung in there and now he's got great stuff. But it's funny when you see a guy come through and you're like, wow, this is painful.

You're watching someone you know is great. Well, yeah. We used to watch prior do that in the story. 70s. And he was the only one doing it. Why do you think he was the only one who did it that way? Nobody else had the guts. Whoa. To drop their whole or to, nobody else wanted it over?

No, not like that. He would, I don't know. But how many Carson sets did you do? How many did I do? I don't know, 25, 30. That's a ton of material. But he is a ton of material, but it's not going up on stage with nothing. Right. You're losing your best six or 10.

Right. That's not so bad. Losing your best hour. Yeah. That's different. And he prior would go up and bomb. What did people say when he was doing that? The comedians would admire it.

Yeah. You know, and he would come every night. Wow. And do it. And, of course, we would just sit and watch. You know, he was legendary even then. Did you interact with him at all? A little bit, not much.

Little free base. Yeah, just a little. I caught fire to him. I didn't like it. Well, Louis would have had a bad bomb, and Louis goes, you're taking this too personally. I was like, well, it sucks. I feel bad. I hate myself.

And he's like, you're working on the jokes. It's a scientific process. You don't like do a math or a science project and go, oh, it didn't work. I suck. You like, you try another thing and you keep doing experiments. Yeah, but that emotional drive is also an ingredient. Yes. Being angry, being frustrated.

Those aren't bad things. Okay. But also you, I heard you, Rock once say, and I agree with you on this, where you were arguing, is it, are they there for you or the material? Yes. And you said the material, and he said you. Yeah.

And it's like, well, they're rejecting the material. They're not rejecting you. Same thing. Same thing. But if you're professional. If you're professional. Yeah. But they know, they know you.

They go, this guy stinks. They go, Jerry had an off night. They know you. Tell me which is worse. A guy you don't know that stinks or a guy you do know that stinks. It's the same thing. But they've seen you kill. I know, but they don't know. Wow, he lost it. I think that's worse. That's true. That sucks.

He used to be funny. Oh, what's worse than that? That's terrible. What are you reading my tweets? Oh, okay. All right, well, that's true, but I feel like with Rock, you go, oh, man, we watch Rock work out new stuff. It was so cool. The audience is so sophisticated now that we understand that. That's true. Now, that's a blessing and a curse, too, because a lot of people go, I've heard this already. Where's the new stuff? Well, that's not very sophisticated. Oh, okay. I remember they wrote that about Louis sometime in the paper. He was getting ready to shoot a thing.

And the guy writes, I saw the show a month ago. It's essentially the same show. Yeah, we don't change over monthly an hour. That guy should be fired for that. You don't know stand-up. Stop reviewing it. That's where you really think about when you read any article. You're like, well, if you know this little about stand-up, then what do you know about anything you cover?

I know. This is so obvious. Like, of course you don't. I mean, it's like writing that about a Broadway show. Oh, yeah, they don't tweak the dialogue. Right, right. This is the show. This is the show.

Yeah, but you have to accept that there is an aura of mystery about it that will always be, even to us. Yeah. You know, and that's part of it. I personally think that you should just believe what you believe to be true. However, you think, you know what I mean? Like, we have these conversations like, if they see something that you've done before, are they disappointed? And I go, not if it's a good bit. And comedians could argue that, and it's somewhat generational.

Like, to me, like, if I'm going to see somebody that I really like, I'm coming once, you know. I'm not going to go see somebody, no matter how much I like them, four times in my life. No, no. Would you go to any show four times? If you're a deadhead, you go to, you follow it. Yeah, okay. But yeah, but not for this. I mean, it is weird.

I also think with that whole, you know, seeming in the moment, there's people like George Carlin who you're like, this is clearly a show. and then there's Patrice O'Neill who you're like this feels very conversational maybe this is off the cuff there was this illusion with a guy with Patrice Right

But I don't think every comic cares about that I don't think Carlin cared about that He would come out and do it You're like yeah this is Even at the end When he'd come out and do like Almost like poetry in the beginning

This is clearly a thing he's doing You know Yeah that was one of the few things I didn't like about Carlin I'm a huge fan I know all his stuff But I thought he got a little self-indulgent And he was like

This is for me, not you And you're like No, no, no, no, they're still here. You need them to be here. It's for them a little. I don't like that attitude. It's all for them. Yeah.

I agree with you. I didn't like it either. But whatever. The last special was good. The last special was really good, I thought. You know, he's got some of the best of it. And I see a lot of his stuff being copied all day long. But.

In both sides, politically acting like he's talking. Yeah, that's awesome. It's just kind of an incredible skill. Yeah, yeah. You're like, wow, everyone felt heard by social commentary? Right. How many comics can achieve? that yeah i know yeah i know because he was very like pro abortion but he was also like stop tell me what

i can't say you pussy the pussycation of america i'm gonna say this and that and so yeah he was hitting everything yeah yeah he was i saw him once live and boy did he uh flip out on the crowd really yeah yeah i saw him in a casino in mississippi that's all i could afford oh man the poor guy imagine what he'd be today if you just change the uh for We could crack the time tunnel, you know, because he was very frustrated. Because in his day, which was also my day, if you're just a comic, you kind of didn't make it. Right. You know, and now there's no such thing as that.

If you're a successful comic, you're as big as anybody. He wanted to act, right? I mean, that was... Yeah. Yeah. Why? Well, Danny Kay was his hero, apparently. Okay.

you're not Danny Kay No But you want to be You gotta be who you Yeah But you got this gift Yeah You got this gift

But it wasn't That big a deal It was It was a little You were kind of an Upscale carny Right You know

Well that's what I'm saying Those people He needed it A lot of these guys Who quit They don't need it Carlin did it Till he dropped dead

So did Rickles And Rodney They needed stand up Right Right What was that like When you did the Rodney

comedian special. That looked pretty cool. Well, it was great. I mean, I didn't think it was anything at the time. They said, you want to be on this special as a bunch of comics. So, you know.

HBO? Yeah, it was pretty, it was a thing. But the fun thing was, then Rodney and I became friends after that. He loved young guys. Yeah. He loved them.

You were trying so hard to slip into Kevin Spacey joke. I was sticking to a Kevin Spacey joke there. I held my time. Boy, you know me well. You need the Kiltony sunburn I can't do it without the sunglasses Those are my powers Really be here sunglasses

Was Rodney, what was he like to hang out? He was fantastic He was so deep and as thoughtful And loved comedy, love stand-up But he could go off on you too You know, like one time I remember You know, I lived in New York And he was in L.A.

And he was having a birthday party and I left him a message or I can't I'm in New York I can't I can't be there and he got very upset whoa you know and left me this this very upset message whoa angry Rodney yeah oh no all the substances who knows who was really talking there the guy gets never respect but I talked to carlin like two weeks before he passed oh yeah yeah he had just done the special yes and I called him to tell him how great it was it was a great one that last one it was great and then the times when he passed the times asked me to write the obit in the opinion page and uh and i did it was a really exciting i was so excited to be asked to do

sure and uh i did a thing about how um so many comedians would say well carlin did that already yeah and then i thought when you get when i get to my end and you're spiraling through the the cosmos to whatever the next reality is, I'll realize Carlin already did it. I remember a funny thing on the news when he died. I was watching the news and he were like, 71. Who dies at 71? That was your angle. I remember I think that was funny.

I said that? Yeah, yeah. I'm 71 now. Whoa. You're very healthy for a comedian. Yeah. It's impressive. It can be done.

It can be done. You don't have anything to do all day. That's true. Except for this. Yeah. Thanks for doing it. Do you guys do this how often? Once a week.

Not bad. Not bad. Did you think this, when you started this, did you think this is a thing? No, we started during COVID, and we were on Zoom having a cocktail on the other end because we were just bored and it was an excuse to catch up. Yeah. And we've recorded it and then some people liked it. So what is it now? What is the, give me the basics of what this is?

It's a TV show, basically. This will get more views than Fallon. Wow. Yeah. And you make any money doing this? Yeah. But it's mostly for the TV. tickets you sell the tickets good good way to plug the gigs right this will sell your beacon he'll sell

the beacon he'll do all right well you say that like it's all been done with carlin I we watch Seinfeld all the time and it's amazing around like oh the it's like a beetles thing where you're just like how much how many fucking premises do they take I know they got so much where I'm like we can't touch this we can't I mean I think all the time even to the when you're doing the tip jar we're talking at the tips earlier. George trying to make sure they see so many little things. I went on a date with a girl the other night who was a bad laugher. I'm like, that's the menagerie twas episode.

So much has been done. That's true. My wife has man hands. Sebastian doing Jeff Bezos's laugh is really funny. You ever see him do that? No, pull that up. It's so funny. Man.

When you discover new comedians, is it usually through Instagram or YouTube? Yeah. Yeah. There you go. That's the way to do it now. The Internet works. Yeah. He does a whole bit about his transformation.

Hmm. Oh, that's funny. It's very funny. But the laugh, it's pretty brutal. I don't think I've heard. Bezos laugh. He just got a laugh of a guy who becomes a billionaire on the Internet. Oh, okay.

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Bezos, which was fun air. I don't know what did I refer to a little bit of special Bezos or Bezos. I remember saying, this Bezos was amazing. He was thinking people around the office. He was laughing, you know, at this little laugh he had.

He's bald and ripped and shades hit now so I just thought the difference in like when someone first starts out and then $400 billion

way aesthetically I thought was a funny you know I'm basically kind of ripping the guy to shrug it Bezos 30

he's like his name wrong is funny already yeah somebody one of the B movie guy says Let's do another B movie, and the head of the hive will be J. F. Bezos. Oh, perfect. Get Cardi B in there.

Yeah. Yeah, you can do a whole thing. I'm jealous of these guys. You have a little more of this now. I feel like when you started, you were pretty front and center. But these guys who are free up there, they can move and do, I don't know if I could do the movements. Of course you can. I don't, but I'm scared.

I'm too insecure. We're all scared all the time. That's the gig. I just feel safe. What did you Hemingway say? It's not, courage isn't not being scared. It's doing it anyway. Sure, sure.

All right. Just start moving. What scared, does anything scare you about performing now or nothing? Bombing? No. I mean, I still get buzzed, you know, before you go on. Yeah. And you think, I don't know.

This Portugal thing, when if this, you want to do Portugal, that made me go, Portugal. I got a little scared. Oh, okay. But I haven't talked with him about all the places he did. You know, how crazy that sounds to someone born in the 50s? I did a gig in Berlin. Berlin. Yeah, that's crazy.

Dude, it's basically Williamsburg. But, yeah, I mean, everywhere is, they want American comedy. We're the, we're the... Have you gone to Asia? Have you done Asia? I did China, yeah. Wow. Yeah.

Yeah. I did Singapore. How was that? It was great. Yeah. That's what I mean. Everywhere, they know what they're in for. Right, right.

They know what they're showing up to. Yeah, yeah. Those days when they didn't suck. That's true. When you're on stage and they're like, what the hell is this? And you're like, I guess YouTube, when we started, YouTube wasn't a big thing. No, no. So they didn't really have good clips of us to promote the weekend.

We were just there and they're going to see comedy. Right. When you did Stockholm, right? I just did that. I did it last time. Do they still clap in unison there? Yes. They did it in Milan, too.

Like at the end of a run, it's almost like an old school late night set. We're just applauds and you're like, all right. Yeah. This is weird. Amsterdam's like that. When I was in Amsterdam, they were like. Like we had three comics who were very funny, very famous, and all three of them flipped out on the crowd. I know all three because they came to the same thing.

But I knew what I was in for because I played there before. But even then I was like, God, they just don't laugh. They don't laugh. They go. Have you ever flipped on the crowd? I never heard of this. Only hecklers. Hecklers.

Yeah. That's not the crowd. You get annoyed when they're bad. I get annoyed, but I try to keep it together. I don't go full of Michael Richards. But, you know, I'll, you know, get a heckler. I go red. I lose it.

Hecklers are fine. Yeah. But I could never get it. It's just like, I feel like a guy picking a lock. Right. Well, that's not the right one. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you got to stay cool.

I mean, you lose the fight if you go ready. Completely. Yeah. Oh, man, I did a joke last night. I'm working on this new bit about casinos. And I'm like, why do all the games have to be numerical? How about pick a color? And a lady goes, you can do that with roulette.

And I was like, ah, well, you just killed my whole joke. And that killed. It's like her popping a hole in my whole. bubble crushed so I got to go back to the lab but boy that was painful yeah you spent a whole day and you're like that's wrong I did I had a whole sheet and she ruined everything with one comment so that's stand-up he had a whole thing about a friend and about he didn't know what slim pickens was he thought it and I was like oh it was a person yeah a person named slim I killed my whole bit I was like oh that was like he thought it was a person I was like wait it was a

person oh I didn't know that either yeah so damn that's a great name slim pickins I like that Jazz, blues? It was an actor? Peter Sellers. Dr. Strangelove. Yeah, he rides the Adam Bomb down with his cow we have. Oh, wow. Also, Blazing Saddles?

Oh, shit. Maybe. I think. Yeah. How about that? Yeah, there he is on the right. Ryan Hamilton was telling me, on the road, you see a lot of movies. That's like part of your routine.

One. One? Yeah. Yeah, it's part of my whole system. I love that. Yeah. It's nice. Any movie, a good movie's good and a bad movie is just as fun. Right. You know, I saw Frankenstein on Netflix. I just watched it too.

Which is very good. But I thought, boy, watching this with some comics would have been so great. Oh, yeah. I had a ball watching that. Because it's just trying so hard to be so. you know, gothic and eternal. Dramatic and sincere. Yeah.

Yeah, my joke was A, the woman kind of fell for him. The girl in it? And I was like, a woman will let anything slide as long as you're tall. Because the guy's like six, nine or whatever.

And she's like, he's all torn up and mutilated, but she's like, he's beautiful. There's something about him. Like, he's just tall. Shut up. I thought this looks like

how the Blue Man group got started. Did you see Roof Man, this new one? No. It's great. Roof Man? Yeah, it's a true story. It's Channing Tatum and Kirsten Dunst.

It's so good. Oh, yeah, I want to see this. I loved it. Yeah, crazy premise. I looked it up after you told me about it. It's a crazy story. How about that? See, movies are great.

They've got a lot of great movies now, but nobody's going to see them. They're all losing money. And are they ever going to go? Why would you go? Well, you go, right? If you have nothing in the world to do. But don't you love the movie theater experience? Yes.

But I bet you have a good movie. movie set up at home. No, just a big TV. Yeah. Interesting. But if they're gone, we're going to miss them. It's like your grandma. You know what's crazy?

AM radio? A little bit. All right. Or maybe. That's all I got. It's an old car. Yeah. All right.

Let's look at FM. What are these questions that I tried to answer? What is that about? We only go to that if it's really bad. Oh, if you run out of gas. Yeah, yeah. But people like to peeves. People like the peeves, though, I think.

We could do a peeve. Well, that's our whole career, I mean. That's true. That's why we've done... I would say, pet peeve. That phrase would be the most annoying. I don't know where he even comes from. I know.

I think it was a character in Blazing Saddles. Pet peeve. Yeah, I don't know. But we think a new one pops up every two days, so we just started doing it. People like the Rex, too. So, I mean, I'm sure you have... You see a ton of movies. Yeah.

I figured Jerry's going to have good movie wrecks. I thought the ending of Frankenstein was weak. Just the pushing the boat out? I was like, this is it? It was stuck. I know. He's pushed it out and now it's free. I guess it's a metaphor.

He's so strong, too. Yeah, exactly. What's like an all-time movie, Jerry Wreck? All-time? Yeah, any old-timers. That's easy. I mean, the graduate. Oh, nice.

Mike Nichols. That's a great one. Every frame. And you could watch. it as a comedy or as a drama. There's so many unbelievably funny things. Yeah. You know she was 39?

How great was that? He was old bad. She was 39 and he was 27, I think. And Gene Hackman was originally Mr. Robinson. Whoa. Really? And he got fired. He was like, he was freaking out. He was like, I'm going to get fired. And doesn't Hoffman's like, no, I'm going to get fired. And then

Gene Hackman got fired. Whoa. Well, Murray Hamilton, to me, Mario Joyner and I have like a movie language. It's mostly Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross, jerky boys. And just anything

that's close to any of those lines. Yeah. And Murray Hamilton, when he plays the mayor in Jaws. Thank you, Mr. Quint. We will take it under advisement. But Murray Hamilton, with Dustin Hoffen, unwrapping

the cigar. How old are you now? Oh, yes. The best scene and graduate are my favorite scene is at the end where they run out of the church, he steals her from the guy, they're going to live the rest of their lives together, they're on the bus, they're all excited, then they look at each other and go, ah, now what? And that's marriage. Here's the story on that take. Okay. Mike Nichols, the end of the scene was they were supposed to look at each other and smile, and that was supposed to be it. But he didn't like that, so he just kept rolling,

knowing that they would eventually come down, and that would be a better ending. way better because that's life yeah yeah wow there's that look is so great and the alpha romayo is so amazing dustin hop in 60s and 70s that run is insane insane insane so many good movies yeah yeah like even someone to the radio oh my god yeah uh let's a interesting bit about lost in america the great albert brooks film is that the the RV yeah that's the RV, when she loses the money in the casino, which I played it for my daughter, because one of my favorite movies, and I wanted to show her all my favorite movies. And she said, it's pretty sad after she loses the money.

And they knew that. And I talked to David Geffen about this. They said, we need a funny scene here in the back half of this movie where it's dying. And so it was like six months after they had made it. They came up with the Gary Marshall, the Desert and Has Heart scene, and re-shot it and plugged it in. So they had a funny scene in the back half of the movie. Wow, you need a button. Yeah, because it was deadly after she loses the money.

Right. Do they focus test or do you think they just watched it in a room? Probably just watched it. Damn. He's a genius. He doesn't, I feel like he doesn't get his due. Oh, yes, he does. You think so?

Oh, he's idolized. I hope so. Oh, he's the greatest. Yeah, the documentary is good. I mean like super young people may not know because a lot of it's from like 20, 30 years ago, but it is all great. It all still holds up. Defending your life is incredible.

Incredible. Rip torn in that movie? Oh, yeah. And his, uh, Carson's are great. He does like a, he'll do like a stand-up segment. Now again, we just want to get into this. Bring it on. Okay.

I don't know. No, what? Come on. We talked about the, the physical challenge. of comedy, which I don't think people think about. If I think about some of the really funny people, funniest that I've ever seen, Michael Richards or Sid Caesar, I've heard a lot of people talking about these guys,

like are crazy, strong guys, physically strong. And everybody's pretty strong when they're young. And then one of the things that will destroy your comedy is when you don't have any physical strength. It's because there's an energy. comedy is comedy is a concentration of energy on a point you know it's like a dense moment of energy a punch line is like a punch it's like throwing a punch i think you were right and it takes energy to do it so i think what happens to comedy a lot of comedy people as they age they just don't physically have the the juice you know yeah i think you were right not to bring this up no no i'm just kidding but uh but i mean you're

You don't see, like, Jim Carrey's not making stuff right now, you know? Look at his physical ability. It's crazy. One of the best. When he was young. Incredible. It's incredible. Yeah.

Jerry Lewis. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. That's just a thing of comedy that I've noticed over the years of, don't, don't let yourself become a mess. So it gets harder. It gets harder anyway as you get older.

You just run out of gas as a human being. But your generation seemed pretty unhealthy. I mean, 80s. Yeah, pretty unhealthy. He's known for, like, Coke in the clubs and boarding. That claimed 90% of the generation on both sides of me. Drugs. Yeah, and you never wanted to dabble?

Yeah. Not curious? No, about what? Coke? It looks like a good time. I've never done it either, but. We've never done it. I probably will at your age.

Adderall? Nothing? Blue Chew? What is what is where is your, where are you suffering from lack of stimulation? Wow, I just, it's a, do you want to have a good time? You want to have a good time. What do you like drinking? Not really.

Oh, okay. I mean, a glass of wine with an Italian meal. Very nice. But I mean, I don't understand that you don't, you're not getting enough with what we do. Right. It's so challenging. It's so hell raising. Night after night, up and down, you know.

But that's my, you're proven my point. You're up and down, up and down. I don't need any more stimulation. I can barely handle what I'm getting. Well, that's a gift. This is his skill. He's irritated in an optimistic way. Right.

Yes, that fuels you. That is a great comedy challenge to give yourself. Do a bit about how much you love something and make it funny. Ooh. I've done a couple of those, and that's really fun. What do you love that's funny? Coffee. I have a whole thing about how much I love coffee.

That's interesting. Because it understands the brutality. And I had a whole Pop-Tart bit. And that was the first time I tried to do what I said. I wonder if I could do a bit that's not negative in any way. Right. It's just positive about how much you love something. Wow.

And it's a, you know, it's really flipping the universe a little bit. Yeah. Gaffigan's got some of those. Yeah? Yeah. Hot pocket. A lot of food stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. That's true. Bacon. He's got a whole bacon chunk. The bacon chunk is great. Yeah. Yeah, the Pop-Tart bit, when you said the box has more nutrition than the... I was like, how did he think of that?

Because I was like, how's he going to wrap this thing up? And that was kind of the big ribbon on it. I can't even remember that bit. Oh, I remember that in the one, the golf bit. Those really stick in my head. Go out leave family. Yeah. That's a guy who stared at a piece of paper for three hours.

Yeah, yeah. Because you're like, I'm out of idea. Wait, gee? Oh, that's a real, like, stuck in a prison cell. That is that that that you want to talk about Coke I mean when I saw that When I talked about those letters I don't know which I don't know whether I got leave family or get out

Leave family But when I saw that I had to I had to leave the house And just walk out into the air and go oh my God Yeah and that kills Yeah that was a big bit Yeah I've had like two of those in my life And I hope you have more

The birth of my child, nothing on those moments. Nothing? On those go-out-leave family moments. That's really where I feel good about myself. I don't understand what he's saying. I'm saying my kid, nothing on that, love-wise. Do you understand what he's saying? I'm saying the birth of my child has got nothing on writing that big bit.

Oh, right, right. Do you have any hits on the birth? Oh, yeah, I got a big baby chunk. Oh, good for you. Yeah, I bought 15 minutes on it. Yeah, I would hope that your kid is more happy, gives you more happiness than your pito drinking junk, you know. That's my bread and butter.

That's your bread and butter. I want to know this too, because you kind of settled down later in life, you know. When did you know it was time to settle down? How did you know? The boredom, the boredom of the routine of what you're doing. And you just go, I need another world. I can't live in this world anymore. And I think, I mean, we were talking about people that can't hang with stand-up beyond a certain point.

But that's more you get kicked out. But that's not a good analogy. But I said to Tom Papa, I said, you know, he got married. He wasn't going to have kids. I said, you're in the parking lot at Disneyland sitting in the car. Right. Right. There's a, there's an, the idea that sex only works on that side, of the fun side, that there's not another side to it. Right.

There's a whole other side to it, whole other universe. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. And you told me to stop watching porn, and that helps the sex. I did? Yeah. Oh.

Well, I was watching it at the coffee shop. But, uh... I was trying to converse with you, I guess. It was right at the end. Mark, I'm over here. But, yeah, it does, you know, revamp a little bit. Right. You know?

Okay. Good for you. I'll tell you an embarrassing thing. This is completely humiliating. All right. We went on a safari in Africa, which I did not want to go at all. I really, really was objecting to it. But you have to go.

If you can afford it, you are forced to go. Honeymoon. Yeah. And I had a good time. Mm-hmm. And I got nothing. I don't have. Same. Same. I was like, I'm going to get a bit out of this and I got nothing. My wife is saying to me, oh, you're going to have so much on this. It's so embarrassing.

That's also when you never get a bit, though. I know. When someone tells you, you're going to leave with so much material, you're like, yeah. It's like when you're on a date and they're like, don't, you better not do a joke about me. I'm like, I won't. Yeah, right. There's nothing here. There's nothing here. I always say, I wish it was that easy. I know. But safari, I kept thinking of Chris Rock's bit, you know, where he's on a safari, then he realized there was a white family behind hunting him. I was like, I'll never top that There's a lot of good ones

Yeah I'm so desperate I actually been thinking I wonder if there's a bit in not having a bit Yeah, yeah But you're driven by just jokes Which is I think it's not everyone There's a reason so many people

I think stop doing this Is because they didn't love You clearly love jokes Yeah, love it You're driven by the next joke Yeah And I think a lot of people Who are maybe great at this

And just walked away I mean Steve Martin was great at this Eddie Murphy, but, like, maybe they didn't have the same love for jokes, you know? Yeah. Or maybe it's just the work. I don't, what do you think it is? I think it's an interesting theory. And I, there are the, there are those guys.

There's three of them sitting here that just jokes are, they're like, they're like magic tricks that you don't really, this know how the trick works yourself. Yeah. But you like to watch it work. Yes. And you can't believe it works. We're surprised mid-sets sometimes that's something got to laugh.

There's no magician who's like, oh shit, that's a trick. That's true, yeah. We fall into bits sometimes. Yeah, that's a great feeling. Yeah. But also frustrating because you're like, why didn't I think of that?

But I'll take it. Oh, how about it? Yeah, when they tell you it's funny and you don't know what's funny about it. I mean, I have jokes I don't get. Me too, we too. I don't get half your stuff. No, I totally get it.

But also, it didn't exist, and then it exists. That's so cool. You have a magic trick. You have to get a bun. and a hat. This is just thin air. It just works. Yeah.

That's even cooler. I have a thing about I don't have arguments with my wife. I don't think things that conflict with what she thinks. And I get a laugh on conflict. And I don't know. It just, like, I wasn't intending to. Right. And they just laughed.

And now I really jump on it, you know. I still don't know what we're laughing at. Right. But you pause and let them laugh. I let them do it. Yeah. It's funny. I saw, I don't know if we should.

if I can say this, but like, I saw, well, I saw Louis doing a bit the other night, and it, and it didn't work, and then he did a bit, and instead of saying it, you know, with emphasis, he did it under his breath, and it killed. Interesting. And it's amazing when he's just like, oh, if I try less on some jokes that hits, if I try more on some jokes that hit, you just don't know how to deliver your own writing sometimes. Of course not. It's crazy.

Well, that gets back to the cooking time. conversation, which is there are things you can, like this coffee bit, it's a great bit, it's really long, it's got a lot of good stuff in it, everything's great, but the opening is just okay. Well, I'm not going to live with that. No. I got a good bit here. It's got to have a strong opening line.

Yes. Now, finding that could take me months. Right. But I like wasting my time. I do not like being efficient at all. I do not like I do not want to be an efficient producer of comedy

I do not I want to be inefficient you don't want to be a factory pumping it out no no no I want it to look like he must have spent so much time on that you know right to get all of that out of it you know but think about how much more

you'd have if you were efficient how much more material yeah but that's volume you're talking about volume I'm talking about detail quality flow, rhythm, things that are just not important, honestly. Right. I mean, I like trying to find a segue between two things I want to do.

Yeah. That's just perfectly smooth. There's no laugh. Yeah. It gets me there in five words. See, I love this in comedy, and I do feel like there was a part of our generation where it became uncool to care on this level. I know.

And when you put this much thought in that, they were like, Jesus, like, what is he doing? Oh, you're not cool. Yeah, you almost have to, like, fake. that you, you know what I mean? Especially in those Brooklyn shows. Oh, yeah. You kind of have to fake it a little. But the audience, when they see that magic, that flow, the rhythm, and it's tight as a drum, it hits them harder.

I remember seeing Gary Goldman, like, the work he'd put into some of these callbacks. And I'd be like, holy shit, that's awesome. I remember love it. Same. To me, it was just, you know. I think that's a defense mechanism with that Brooklyn shit, that, like, ironically bad, you know, dopey. I think that's all, that's cowardice. Yeah.

Well, it's also, it's trying to claim it as our own new way of doing things better than your old man way. It's counterculture. Sure. Yeah, right. But that was a positive in the 60th. No, but it's all cyclical. Like, it'll go back to caring really cool again at some point, you know, and then it's uncool. It's back.

I mean, the universe knows they're not coming out to see you in their 50s when you're in your 50s. when you're in your 50s and you want to keep working unless you're making them laugh that's worth money you know I was watching this Sebastian show it's so fun to watch other you do learn from sitting and watching

somebody work yes you sit there and you go oh this is what we're doing you can get lost up there in this world that you've invented and you're just playing these you're going up and down the keyboard and you're playing these songs but you don't really

you can disconnect in a way I watched his show I just finished watching it this morning so I'm excited about it because I really enjoyed it and I felt what they were getting I could see and I don't really love these arena vibe

anyway but he plays it well and I could see how oh they're going home feeling good yeah they feel good that was worth it they're thinking the parking, the schlepping, the horrible, you know, cavernous basketball thing. That's not a show, you know. But they've, he made them feel good because he delivers the laughs.

Right. He makes you laugh. Yeah. You know, when he does that, I call it the silverback gorilla sound, he does that teeth. He says teeth louder than any human has ever said. Well, he reminds me to just, you got to, we're so writery, I feel like, especially, us. You've gotten more animated, I feel like, over the years. But he's so fun and funny. Like, he moves funny. He talks funny. And I forget to just be funny sometimes. I heard him

want to say orangina, and he said orangina funny. That's funny. He had a bit about, like, you know, I have orangina in my fridge. No one has orangina. And the way he said that, I was like, I've never heard someone brag about having orangina, but that's hilarious. You can be in Africa, in a village and think that's funny. You know, you don't have to even understand what he's talking about. It's already funny. I have that. I have that. bit that you mentioned to me about that women are wives of sharks, husbands or dolphins. Yes, yes. And so the thing about that no shark has ever performed at SeaWorld. They've never done one thing. They've tried and tried to get one, just jump or do something, you know. So, but I changed the

pronunciation of SeaWorld to Sea World. Oh, wow. And there's a friend. A friend of mine came to the show with his girlfriend, and the girlfriend said, why do you say C-World? I go, because you notice it. Otherwise, it's a really boring word that you've heard a trillion times. Yeah. And that's the funny little game that you have to play of just being funny. Yeah. Just being silly.

But I want to say, Sebastian's a great writer. No, no, I agree. He's a great writer. I mean, the company bit is next level. Yeah, everything he does is well written. It's also fun to think about him. He had to not be good at one point. He had to learn that whole Sebastian thing.

Who didn't do that? I'm not knocking him. I'm saying, I wish I could see those years of figuring it out. Why? I don't want to see what he's better. Because you want to see the progression. I love the, how did he get here? Yeah, well, you're a nerd.

I'm a nerd. And I am too. But that's your favorite part of the biopic, too. Of course. I like to see when they figure it out, too. I like, I like that. I, back when the internet started, I got a dumb idea. I said, I'm going to take everything I've ever done on TV, cut it into one and two minute portion sizes, and I'm going to put three up a day on my website as a thing.

I don't know what I was doing, just trying to use the internet. Yeah. So I had to watch everything I've ever, every stand-up I've ever done on TV. And I spent months, every one of them. Wow. And it was, it's like the first time you start working with the tape recorder. It's a little painful of first. But I got to watch, I go, oh, he's learning.

Yes, yes. He's learning. That's fascinating. Look at how he's talking. Look at how he's standing. He's not so uncomfortable. And you want, I did it chronologically. And it was cool to watch.

It was cool to watch. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. As long as you're not too hard on yourself, it's so easy to look back and be like, oh, what were you? No, you can never ever be like that. Yeah. Never be like that. I mean, I still, I still do it.

Right. That got you here. You have to look at that stuff. That was bad and go, but that was the rope bridge that I had across. Yeah. I had to cross that rope bridge to get where I am now. Well, it's interesting because we might be the last group of comics that have late night sets. I know.

What I mean? Well, I think, I don't think, I don't think, in its, in its current iteration, I don't think so. I mean, I don't think, how much longer do you think late night TV is going to, I think it's going to. difference. You're like... Oh, you're talking about talk show set? Yeah, talk show. Oh, I think you mean the clubs later.

No, no, no. No, no. The Tonight shows. We mean like Conan or Tonight Show. Oh, is that even exist now? A little bit. Tonight show is barely there. Some people go on, but I mean, we...

I remember listening to you on, like, fresh air with Terry Groves talking about how you go running before a Tonight Show set. Yeah, yeah. And Mark and I would be like, we got to fucking run. Yeah. Well, before Pods, there was no stand-up info, no news, There's no tips, no information. There was a book.

This really launched me when I was about 19. There's a book called The Last Laugh. It's the first book ever written about stand-up. Oh, really? By Phil Berger. Okay. It was on the left. I feel like I'm really most.

And I still have this book. I bought it in a bookstore. I went, oh, my God, there's a book about stand-up comedy. And it was about every comic from like 72, I think it went back to like the 50s or 40s. And it's a pretty terrorizing. book. It's a lot of very disturbing. What are the names there? Shelly Berman, Milton Burrell, Annie Youngman.

Robert Klein. And Klein was the biggest comedian at the time. Well, there was one we read with you. I think you read this one too, the Franklin Iger one, the comic insight. Yeah, that was a good one. I think it was you and Shanling and Belsor. I forgot who else was in there. There was another one called Comedy at the Edge. Those were good interviews. Oh, yeah. But this is before podcast. Yeah. I mean, I remember going into Barnes & Noble and just reading

jokes in the books. Same, same. Like, you know, Judy Brown with those books and I was like, I'll just read comedy quotes. Yeah, it was fun. I had one on the toilet.

I remember reading, ladies and gentlemen, Lenny Bruce, you ever heard of this book? Which one? No. It's like 400 pages. No.

It's a whole story of Lenny Bruce. It's a great book. You would love this book. Okay. It's about all this drug use and the craziness with the wife and all the madness. But there's one line in the book.

I was reading it, and I really had no idea how comics did anything. Yeah. And he would call his mother after every set. What? And there's one page of the book where he goes, Hey, mom, I did a new bit tonight.

And I went, new bit. You mean, you know what you're going to do, the other stuff? Yeah, it was that. That was literally the moment that I knew I was going to be a comic. Wow. I did a new bit tonight. Wow. I didn't know they were bits.

Exactly. You know. We had nothing to go off of. What was it like when you first were, trying to understand what it was how ignorant were you i was so good i soaked up everything my mom bought me books and i was 20 21 right and i was in college and i would listen to carlin and you and shanling and everybody and richard jenny i loved and gregg geraldo all these guys these albums are so good yeah they're so fun i listened one recently and they're just killer i had cosby himself

and i had uh jeff foxworthy were two cassettes i had and i listened to him over and over so what did you think of it when you were listening to it. Did you think, how do they do this? I thought it was magical. I thought it was like being an astronaut. I'm like, how could you even get from a normal guy to there? And I went to an open mic and was too scared, didn't go on, went again, and I fell in love with all the comedians, even though they were horrible, but I was like, that's amazing, this is the coolest guy. They were all different. They were all different. And they were your first taste. I was the same way, you ran these comics, you're like, maybe this will be the crew. Yeah, yeah. They all drop off, but you're like, right. Yeah.

And then I moved to New York and just went on. all in and it was painful and it was ugly but you figure it out you meet friends and write together but it's all very unknown it's all very like let's see where this goes and let's see if this bit works I also wonder if we were so obsessed with jokes

because so much of what we consumed was audio I mean I was listening to albums I wasn't watching as many specials yeah I mean first albums I listened to you don't look that old no but I mean I think I just CDs were like my first intro to it no I mean probably the 90s I was probably No Cosby special or Steve? What about Evening at the Improv?

No, I watched some of those, but I remember becoming obsessed with albums. Like, it was something about albums. It is the best way to consume it. I remember here in Rock, Chris Rockwick Roll with the New being like, whoa, this is crazy. This is crazy. I'd never heard someone talk like this. It blew me away. Or like, you know, Attell Skanks for the Memories were so many jokes.

I know. But Geraldo had the Good Day to Cross a River album. Yeah, yeah. And it was just like, wow, these are like, he also did a, he really, talking about guys who like skillfully could, do social commenter. I love that guy. He was great. He was great. He was great. Yeah. But Rock's bigger and blacker. When I saw that, whew! Or no, wait. No, the other one.

Bring the pain. That was the first one. That was that. Yeah, that was great. I didn't know you could go that far. I just, we watch him both, and I was just like, it is crazy. Just how relentless he's are. And he's got the callbacks, and he's got the, it's so polished. I heard Quinn told me that he rock when you got that, got the special. Like, he's, your agent says, you got it. Now, we're going to go shoot it.

three months. He paved his tiny Harlem apartment walls with mirrors and just did it back and forth in front of the mirror so he could see what he looked like from every angle. Wow. Just to be ready. Conveniences are so crazy. That's not going to help.

You never did stuff like that? No. Oh, I did that stuff. Go go to the club and work out. When I got this gig to open for you, it was 15 minutes, no light. I ran that 15 with a stopwatch in my apartment over and over. was great well first one was rough but after that after the pep talk i feel like we really picked

it up where was that the beacon beacon yeah that was that was big that was fun when you were in the clubs uh do you remember bill hicks there do you see him no he was Houston I didn't run across him at all and by the time he was popular I think it was that late 80s and 90s and I was in L.A. and then I was doing the show and who are the L.A. guys you'd see go up a lot well well When I moved out there in 1980, I would drive up to the store, comedy store, every day, and see who was going to be on. And I was, oh, it was always, I called him the Lely guys. It was Letterman, Lewis, or Lennon. And any of them were on.

Those were the three guys I was obsessed with. Yeah. What was Letterman stand up like? Pretty good, you know. He was funny. He just had a great presence, smart, you know. He was great. Smarmy, sarcastic.

He doesn't have that animal gene, you know, the comedian. and real touring stand-ups need. Yes. Leno has it. Yeah, Leno has it. He took all of it. Well, do you, like, a lot of people have a misconception about you that you're, you know, you're the clean guy, clean comedy. He's a big porn guy.

You were just talking about all the porn. But when I first met you, I was like, maybe I should hide that I drink so much around Jerry. But you don't care. Why would I care? Well, I just assumed you were so buttoned up. but it's all the brand it's no it's a style it's a style I just like the style

do you think that I think people would be upset to hear a curse word of course not they don't care I do it because I enjoy that style right it's just like it forces me to be elegant and interesting in a way that I like to be

yeah you know I didn't want it when we did the contest episode Larry I remember Larry saying I just talked with NBC they have no problem with us using the word masturbation. I go, no, that's no fun. Let's not use it. Right.

That's more interesting. You're supposed to be good with words. Do it. Let's see you do it. And that made the whole master your domain, all that. Yeah, yeah. That's the only reason I don't, that cursing bothers me. It's like, you're good enough to get that same laugh without it.

And that's what entertains us. Right. Can you do it? The limits are fun. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Like, I did the Tonight Show, and I couldn't say erection. Oh, wow.

So I had to come up with something. But erection, isn't that the right term to use? They didn't like it. Wow, what year was that? 2012? Tonight Show is very clean. They've gotten harder. Yeah.

They've gotten... Sort of the erection. Yeah. But yeah. They've gotten... But do you feel like you don't want to do blow? You don't drink a lot. Do you feel like you get a...

out with the cars? Maybe the cars is your outlet. When you say get it out, it refers to what? The evil. Everybody's got a vice, the evil in us. Oh, you think it's going to be gone when you do blow? It's going to be stronger. But it's got to get out of you. You know what I mean? When you work out on the show... You can't get it out.

It's in you. Have you ever been on a show where people grill you for not doing blow? I'm not similar. I'm never doing blow either. This is the first. But do you think I think everybody... It's just so stupid. It's so stupid. this is all you have to work with. I'm saying an outlet.

This is the instrument. This is your grand piano. Let's put some shit in here. What kind of thinking is that? Well, I don't want to do it, but the cars might be the outlet. Well, everyone needs interests, Mark, in life. It's fun to be interested in things that interest you. But poison is a stupid thing to get interested in.

Right, right. And if you can't figure out, I mean, I was, whatever, 17, watching Kojak, and I could figure out drugs are bad. Sure. I can tell from watching Kojak. I'm not, I'm off the drugs. I'm talking about an outlet. I'm talking about you have to have a release.

A vice. You are correct. You are correct. Not a bad vice. And I do get it from, I do some, my family can tell you, I do some weird exercise things. I do too. You know. What kind of exercise in?

Well, like, we'll have people over and I'll eat like a, crazy meal and I'll feel gross and I've had a couple glasses of wine and maybe a cigar. I don't I can't go to bed. I go to the gym. I'll go to the gym at like midnight. Whoa. What do you do weights? No, I'll just do a little cardio, watch

TV and then I can sleep. Interesting. So I will do things like that. I mean, is that what you're talking about? Yeah. That might be some OCD or some guilt. Yeah. I think it's just a way to survive self-abuse.

Sure, sure. Well, I do a crazy workout routine every day, and if I don't do it, I'm ruined mentally. Great. Well, doesn't that get it out? I think so. I think so. It's, yes. Yeah, I think that gets it out, yeah.

Because you're burning up that juice. Exactly. You're getting dopamine and adrenaline, and these things are. And I think stand-up is a good, good outlet. It's the ultimate. Sometimes it's my first time getting out of the house. Same. Same.

Thank God. Yeah. God for it, you know. Oh, you're ready to get married. You are ready. It is one of the great marriage savers because you're like, oh, I got to go. I got to do a set.

And you're like, oh, I'm out of the house. Can you believe what this guy's got going on? His wife comes home from work. Would you rather not going to? She works at home. Oh, she works at home. He comes home from doing this or whatever he's doing. And then he goes out to the clubs.

And then he goes out on the weekends. They have a baby. We had a canceled flight, Gary Veter and I this weekend, and Mark texts him, oh, man, so extra time away from the kids. I'm like, yeah, no, no, we're not happy about it. It said so much about you. Well, I think it's a marriage saver that road time. It is because you're not really designed to be married.

No. A comedian is not, Jim Gaffigan used to say whenever he would hear about a comedian getting married, he would go, why? So how do you have to go out of your way to make it work? I pay for a lot of help. Yeah. What he's got going on, I've never heard of. Really?

My wife's the same. During the week and doing the road on the weekends? You don't do that every weekend. He goes pretty hard. Yeah, it's so impressive, but... I enjoy it. Yeah, I know you enjoy it. You're shocked.

She accepts it. It's cool. Well, I'm there all day, and then, except for today. And then I do sets at night, and then I pay the rent and stuff. You got a great wife? I got a great wife. But for a comedian who is not, I do a line about, you know, I never thought I could get married, the stage that you're looking at, you're looking at the number of people I feel comfortable working with. Right.

And so marriage is, I think, it's not really what we're cut out for because you've created this solitary world and survived. Talk about indulgent. Right. You're making a living with your whims and your notions. and nothing. Notions. Yeah, that's true. So that's not normal.

Yeah. That's not normal. That's the other thing that's really funny in the end of this Sebastian show. A lot of comics do is he comes off and the wife and kids are there. Yes, yes. As if he's just a regular guy.

Just a regular family guy. Yeah. But when your wife sees the home and the PJ and the 38 cars, they go, I go out a lot, but look at this. I hope that says, I hope that works. I'm just saying it's not a bad life. Yeah, no, it's not bad, but you can't buy your presence.

You have to be there. I see, I see. Yeah. Your presence is important. I hope she never sees this. She's a great egg. Yeah. She gets it.

All right. Does your wife give you shit for doing the road? No, she loves it now, but when the kids were little, it was tougher on her. Yeah. It was really tough. In this life, it seems like you need a woman who can deal with a lot. You really got to lay it out. Before you get married, it's sort of a stupid thing, but nobody talked about, where do you want to live?

Talk about that. Do you want to have kids? How many? What religion? I put it out there sooner and sooner in these. Really? I'm like, just so you know, I'm dying on this island or a hotel room. Really?

It's out there. That's really good. I never thought of that. I never had that problem, but I couldn't. never leave this island either. Epstein said the same thing. Kill Tony lost another one. Another good kill Tony line.

Where are the shades? Can I get more shades in here, please? Well, yeah, but you know, I never thought I'd move to Brooklyn, but you make compromises. That's an island, too. That's true. That's true. I can't believe you left Manhattan, too. I know.

Wasn't he? But I got a nice spot. It's cool. I got a brownstone. Great spot. Can't complain. I get, I get a compromise. I'm compromising.

But maybe I'll take some weekdays off. Yeah, I can't believe you don't. I'm starting to get feeling guilty. But that's how I work the new out. They're going to work the new stuff. Yeah, yeah. We're all doing the same thing. Yeah.

Is your, what is, is every day, like, how much time do you think you spend, if you write, is it a, at a desk? Are you taking walks? I can write absolutely anywhere. I could sit down on this floor, give me a pad and a pen, and say, I think there's something funny about these Toto toilets. And I'll just start noodling. I'll get a coffee. I think coffee is part of my system now. Sure.

Add coffee to a pen. I think writing with a pen, actually. And I've seen some studies, it does something to your brain that this doesn't do. Yeah. Definitely memorize it. And, of course, exercise does something to your brain. Yeah. all pen. I'm with you.

Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, look at that. I got the same. Wow. I'd type nothing down, which very, very few comics in my early days that had these things. Really? Very, very few. I don't know how you would. I was like the only one. I wrote down everything. Now I'm much I'm selective, but back in the day, I wrote

every dumb thought. Same. Because you're like, it could be something. Could be something. The blessing of my career is about six months in. I was watching some guy go on TV. and get worse and worse and eventually he was finished and I went oh this is really hard

because he didn't have the material he didn't have material and I realized oh this is really hard and this whole game is material yes that is crazy to get those opportunities and not have so from six months

and I said okay I need I need some sort of ritual here to produce this stuff you do get stuff comes to you but you need more who were you friends early on who were really pushing you nobody pushed anybody but i mean if you just saw

someone oh leno it was always leno wow leno had the best stuff he got he would just destroy and you would just think oh i just want to get is that good and he would get a gig in atlantic city and you go wow yeah imagine getting a gig in atlantic city and he's so damn confident it's crazy like he would go on letterman with a hoagie you know just eat it there and i was like who is this guy yeah it's crazy yeah it's so you know again it's the guy there was just a few guys that loved it yes you know i mean nobody thought after the tv series you're gonna go back to the clubs exactly you know i mean i had on-air commitments from nbc for any other show i wanted to make movies i could have done anything but i missed that that brutality i missed the brutality and didn't you warm up the

crowd at your own show uh no i would do a warm up but we had a warm up guy i would do a warm warm up yeah i would do my uh tied uh i see tie is getting out bloodstains now remember yeah get the harpoon out of the chest harpoon is funny if you've got a t-shirt with bloodstains all over it maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem right now that and bozo to clown those are my two big ones bozo the clown does he need the clown that's not me I think that's you. No, no. That's you.

I'm pretty sure it's you. Does he need the... Is that Bozo, the district attorney? Yeah, that was definitely you. Really? Yeah. Doesn't ring a bell. Wow.

Wow. That's a good big. That's a good bit. That's a great bit. He's been doing it so long he's forgetting eight minutes of his. Boz of the district attorney? I never said that. Pull it up.

We can find that. That's a funny line. It was on the... You used it on the opening of the TV show at one point. Because he did a clown episode with George. Remember that? With actually with the... Oh, who cares?

All right. So, yeah. Not that interesting. All right. So when you were done with Seinfeld and you go back to the clubs and you're doing, you missed the brutality of that. Was there any point where you were like, what the fuck am I doing? Or you're just like, this is the best? This is the best.

Yeah. I mean, I had had that experience that everyone wants, which is I'm doing exactly what I want to do and people like it. sometimes you can have a hit thing, you know. There's a lot of actors are in things, a Marvel movie, but that's not what I want to do. And then they do what they want to do, but it doesn't find an audience. Yes, yes.

So I had the thing. Yeah. So I wasn't, I was satiated, you know. It probably kept you from being a dick, too. I mean, the fact you're being humbled again after all this success. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I thought I would have crazy confidence. after that. That I'd be a different performer entirely. And I found out very quickly. Same you. Same. Yeah. It's like when you go to Hawaii and you're like, I'm going to feel good.

You still hate yourself in Hawaii, you know? I used to say to my friends, I said, I got to, I'm going to move to another town. I go, are you bringing that head with you? Because if you bring that, you're going to feel exactly the same. Oh, my friend moved to Denver. He's like, I'm going to move back within six months. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

They think they'll change. Yeah. And didn't you shoot your HBO special when you, I think you told me you were a little, you weren't ready, or you weren't feeling ready to shoot, I'm telling you for the last time. It was right after the show ended. No, no, I was ready. I had done a lot of, a long tour, Australia and Europe, and I was good. Okay, I thought you were saying it was one of the harder things you've done was shooting that. I had a brutal heckle.

At the album, right? At the taping? At the taping. It was at the Broadhurst on Broadway. And so it was two shows. First show, I go out, really feeling good. Yeah. And I'm just going, I'm going to just lay this down just the way I want it.

And some guy, it was a Howard Stern fan, did this blood-curdling scream that just stopped the whole room. Just went, Jerry. Oh, that's still in there. no no we cut it out i swear i've heard that i thought there was a heckle in there yeah no we cut it out wow it aired live okay and then if you saw it i saw live okay then you did hear okay and i just and i had nothing just because all he said was my name right and i had nothing i couldn't think of anything and it just kind of rocked me back now heckler's listening who're gonna know how to get us right right just say their name say their name but the guy it was uh he's probably listening right

know. Yeah. But it still went good. Yeah. And one lady yelled something out, I love you. And you're like, I love you too, but I feel the need to see other people. And you had the opening bit, I'm not trying to blow you too much, but you had the opening bit about the standing ovation. And I remember thinking, what was that? You know, you got a standing O and you went, I love the standing O because not everybody wants to do it. There's always that one guy who's like, we're doing this now. Oh, yeah, I still do that. Oh, that's gold. Yeah.

But opening a stand-up show is so awkward. That's a perfect way to slide in to a set. I always wish I had an opening like that that's so natural. Well, you were the other one, too, about doing something. Oh, that's another great open. Right, that you're out, but you got to go back. Yeah. I'll never beat that opening.

I'll never beat. Opening a show is the toughest thing. It's a toughest thing. It's a tough. Not as tough as closing. I don't have a great. closer now, and I just hate it. I heard that, actually.

I have an end, but I used to have that bit about the bathroom stalls, the separation between the panels. Yes. That was great. I really miss that guy. See, you love your old act. You hate your old act. Well, there's certain

bits I look back. I'm like, why, I wish I could write a bit like that right now. Yeah, but there's others, and I'm just like, eh. There's specials of mine I like. I never hated anything that I had that worked. Whoa. Yeah, I don't, I wouldn't say I hate it.

I think it's usually like my delivery or just the way I'm, it's little things. It's not like the bit that I'm just like, oh, I hate that bit. It's more just like, there's little things that bother me more. But I don't get like too caught up in it. Sure.

But, yeah, even listening to an old set, when you're listening to an old version of a bit, I'm like, why was I telling it that way? I'm not mad, I'm just like, what the hell is I doing? I know, I know. Because it seems so simple once you crack a bit, but you forget that this is every time, it's Have you guys ever listened to an old bit and thought, wow, how did I write like that? Now I'm going to listen to this bit to learn how to write a bit that way.

I'm learning how to write a bit for my own bit. Yeah, that crazy, I'm not. Oh, okay. Sometimes I'll listen to comedy, though, and just hear someone and be like, oh, I like, I'm not like this comic, but it'll remind me, oh, this is just silly or this is funny. It just reminds you, like, you hear Regan, and you're just like, it's so silly. I know, I know. Just reminds you not. I don't know.

Sometimes you hear preachy comedy, you hear so many different types of acts, the seller, or wherever, and it's great because you're exposed to so much. But every once in a while, you're like, what do I like? Why did I get into this? And that silliness is like, oh, that's what made me happy. That's what they want to see more than anything. They want to see you do what you like. And the fact that you like it is what makes it fun for them. They do not care what you're talking about.

They care only how you feel about what you're talking about. when you bring up something stupid right why is he talking about this because because i really like this subject that to me is what a comedian should be not addressing what's been on your mind lately that is not what that's that's the daily show right and that's nothing wrong with that but that's that's not what stand-up is stand-up is we want to see a guy a little out of his mind crazy into himself and obsessed with what he's

obsessed with. It's the obsession that they come to hear. And that's when you're the funniest. When you're talking about something that you know this hasn't occurred to anyone else. Yeah, Stephen Wright is the king of that. Yeah, any good comedian is doing that. Right. I think.

Huh. Even Rodney talking about his wife, hating him? Well, I mean, that was a pretty strict formula that he had. That's true. That's true. And because he had had such struggles early on, he stuck to the formula. Right. But in person, he had a lot of other stuff going on. That was interesting. And I would say to him, you should do that. And he'd go, no, no, no. Like what? Just, you know, he's a philosophical guy, you know, about, you know,

comedians are what is life. This is all phony. This is all nonsense. Everything everybody does is meaningless. Right, right. He had that. Yeah. Every comedian has that kind of nihilistic lens on things, you know. Totally. But don't you feel like you open up and get vulnerable and talk about that thing you want to talk about that thing you're obsessed with and they don't go with it? That hurts. That sucks. Yeah. But sometimes I feel like I can't get them there. Yeah, sometimes you can't, but you try. And I do believe that's why I like, go back to our favorite subject. Like, if you want to try for six months, I have this bit about ambulances. I told you about this, the sirens.

Oh, yeah. It's one guy, you know. We feel bad. We don't know anything about him. We don't know how we live. Let's get this, whatever it is. Yeah. It's just, it's just, I've been on this a year.

It's still not working. I got a few of those, too. It's a couple little laughs in it that keep it alive. Yeah. And that's, I like it because it's not working. you're getting a toxic relationship with a joke premise sometimes right yeah right yes yeah no it's codependent but unlike the relationship you could fix this bit

it's possible that it could work one day the relationship will never work yeah but one day but it'll never be as good as that bit that comes nice and easy it'll never be that funny when you just get a bit really early on and so rare you get a gift like this but it was about a guy on the subway who was masturbating And it was awful, and it was just like this awful moment with a girl was dating. And she kept saying, you're just going to let him do that? You're just going to let him do that. And the twist that just hit me on the subway was I just turned.

He said, I wasn't due to her. I was doing it to you. And the twist was, I sit down, I go, you're just going to let him do that? There you go. And I was like, how did that not hit me? But it hit me on the train. I was like, what? Not in the moment, obviously.

But I was like, oh, yeah, the expectations on her now to do something. That's fantastic. But it just, it was like a gift. And I was like, oh, I think that's it. And I tried it that night. and I got an applause break. Oh. That never happens.

That's the best thing. It's always like labor, labor. It's never just like, you know, that's why more and more I try to just not have the AirPods in because I'm just like, just let it wander. Right, right, right, for sure. But, like, you know, you know what you're, it's like life. You know what's healthy. You know what you're supposed to do.

You know you're supposed to exercise. Sometimes you're bad. Sometimes you're good. But you know that you're going to get a gift if you let your mind wander. Yeah. You know you're supposed to listen to sets. You just sometimes you don't want to, but you got to. Got to do the work.

Got to. But don't you feel like when you do crack that ambulance bit, it's great? Because you get the ones that pop in, but there's got to be jokes that you worked on for a year, and you did crack it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that Pop-Tart thing. Oh, there you go.

That took a long time. And you nailed it. It doesn't matter. My whole philosophy is don't be a good accountant of your time and energy. Just don't even know what a waste of time. that was for something that failed or succeeded the hell with it the only thing that matters is that struggle that you have adapted yourself to the struggle and you're comfortable with it it's very zen you yeah it's a lot of regrets yeah it's a good way to it doesn't matter yeah what

you want it's what you want to be it's not what you're getting it's what you want to be i want to be that guy that can suffer right for a long period of time i want to be that guy yeah you know the money or the jokes or those those things come they come they come on their own yeah jokes come on their own the only thing we can do is to grind yeah so if you if you can figure how to do you know how to fall in love with that then you got it it's kind of like those boxers who are getting pummeled and they're going ah you know like we bring it on i keep it on i keep you bombing and this joke is failing, but I'll take it. That's very you.

You're Jake Lamata? Yeah, Jake Lamata. Hit me. Hit me again. You never got me down, right? That ambulance bit. It hasn't gotten you down. I love that his rock bottom was becoming a comedian. That was his low point. That kills me. There's a lot of that. Stormy Daniels and Steve-O and all these people are like, get out of comedy.

Don't worry. Don't worry. Yeah. It just kills me when I'm like, oh, I'm going to Dr. Grins or the comedy castle in Mark Ridley's, and you're like, oh, this reality star is... You guys aren't playing to the same crowd, though. No, God, no. You're good. The comedy ecosystem, only the NFL approaches the comedy ecosystem for discarding the unwanted.

Yeah, ain't that the truth. CTE. Yeah. Well, we want to plug your beacon dates here. Yeah, Jerry Seinfeld at the beacon, yeah, of course. Definitely don't miss this. Is it December 19th and 20th? Is that what it says?

My eyesight sucks. No, that's old. That's October. Yeah, we need the new dates. No, it's December. Yeah, something. 20th. 19th and 20th.

Okay. At the Beacon Theater. And in January as well. I mean, this is a great show, and it's the Beacon. It's like the best venue ever. It's a good place to hear a comic. That's why I like playing it. Anybody that says I saw you there, I know what happened.

Right. It's a good one. That's a great with it. A little elevator, all of it. Yeah. I'm back in the clubs to work out a new hour. And how long was that take? I'll do a year.

Wow. Yeah, really grind it out, really eat shit just for... And what about the income? Not concerned? That's a dip. That's a dip. But you can add some shows. You still do pretty well in a car.

Yeah, you sell out, you hit the bonus. And you do the same way? Yeah, we do the same thing. I'm back in clubs right now just to make sure I'm tight for when I tape. So I'm the tape, so I just want the repetition. but yeah great yeah so i'm at kansas city they got a funny bone there now demoyne baby really doing it braya california bend oregon a couple casinos that's where the income is really at grand ron never even heard of that new brunswick stress factory

san antonio and tulsa really your kids never going to see it this is what you call the neglect tour Indianapolis, all that Buffalo. My kids, a stripper tour. Portland, Providence, Lexington. We're going far. Daniel Beach. Hopefully we were going to move by then.

Spokane. All right. What do you have? Yeah, I got... Carnegie Hall, baby. Oh, that's the big one. That's passed. Yeah, we got...

Oh, you did that already? Well, when this comes out. No, December 4th. Yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah, but this is coming out the 14th. 14th. So, yeah, we...

We got Stanford, Connecticut in February. I'm doing Omaha, Nebraska. It's a great club. Yeah. Tough light. DC improv in January. Yeah. You mean you tell me this works?

People are paying attention to this. I can't believe it. Well, they want to hear on their town pops. And then we got, yes. And then the big one, yes, Stanford, Connecticut. We got that Chicago and the big one. Tampa Theater. I am so clicked off at this point.

No way. And waiting to hear my town. And go see Jerry at the Beacon. Jerry, thanks so much, man. Thank you for helping me with the Beacon. Go see the ambulance bit bomb. All right, thanks, folks. See you on Kill Tony.

Sunday's a day for my next fender. A bit of fever wreck you know the beer juice close. I've had a little too much bourbon. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking post. I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans

This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be true Thank you.