We Might Be Drunk - Ep 270: Kathleen Madigan

Episode Date: February 9, 2026

Mark and Sam are joined by Kathleen Madigan for a wide-ranging, boozy, old-school comedy hang that hits everything from whiskey gifts and bad wallets to sports ownership disasters, late comics, road s...tories, and why some people should never be in charge of anything. Kathleen talks about growing up Midwest, touring Europe, quitting cigarettes, loving bars that still feel human, and why stand-up takes as long as it takes. The conversation bounces through football, comedy specials, sitcoms, podcasts, vaping, parenting, aging legends, and the strange pressure of modern comedy, with plenty of classic shop talk and unfiltered opinions along the way. Sponsored by: Upgrade your wallet today. Get 10% off Ridge with code DRUNK at https://ridge.com/DRUNK IQ Bar Text DRUNK to 64,000 to get 20% off all IQ Bar products, including the ultimate sampler pack. Message and data rates may apply. Raycon Go to https://Raycon.com/mightbedrunkOPEN to get 15% off Raycon Essential Open Earbuds. Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets ⸻ Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #KathleenMadigan #MarkNormand #SamMorril #Ridge #IQBar #Raycon #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:05 Hey, we're back. We got Kathleen Madigan here. This has been the works for a while. Yeah, I know. We keep kind of missing each other by weird things. Yeah. Yeah, I like this. This is a fun vibe. Hey, thank you. I think you're one of the first people to bring booze. Oh, my God. She bought us a bottle. She always bring a gift. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:00:23 Richard Jefferson NBA player brought, he got fucking hammered on Lagovullen. He bought some scotch. Who else came? Burke Kreacher brought shitty vodka. Stanhope brought Trader Joe's wine. That was pretty cool. Oh, yeah, that was fun. That was a nice touch. Is this like a special Jack Gaines?
Starting point is 00:00:40 Yes, yes. It's a special one from Nashville. Whoa. We got to try some of this, too. Yeah, I'll have a swig. You bought two? Come on. We'll keep in the studio.
Starting point is 00:00:51 We'll drink them. I wish you were my mom. Look at that. We each kid. You're always that. Matt, can we get some glasses? Oh, no. Should we drink it neat or on the rocks?
Starting point is 00:01:00 What do you think? I like a little cubage. A cube? Yeah, I'm a cube person, too, but. I don't know if it's a bad day. I don't want the ice cube. I just want to feel it. Yes.
Starting point is 00:01:10 Are you a whiskey drinker? Occasionally, if things are... Well, I love J-Mo. But like a shot. I don't really want to drink it all night or anything like that. A shot. It's a sponsor by McLaren,
Starting point is 00:01:21 which seems a little... Elitist? I know, just like it's a car company. Let's get drunk and drive. Have you ever been into McLaren? No. I know a guy you had one, he drove me around to one.
Starting point is 00:01:32 It's fucking amazing. Really? know it if I saw it. Oh, you see, pull up a McLare and they're wild. You feel, so you can be going 40 and you feel the breeze in your face. Wow. I just watched F1. That's a fun with Brad Oh, yeah, but it's two hours and 40 minutes. Is it that long? Yes. Boy, it flew by. That that never should have been two hours. That's true. Okay. It was fun. Yes, they used to, when I lived in L.A., they would park those in Beverly Hills on Rodeo Drive. Yes, yes. To like get people to come over and then go in the store, but it was like clickbait
Starting point is 00:02:03 for rich people. Totally. Totally. Literally, yeah. Go look at the... But, I mean, I went over and looked at it, and I don't even care about cars, but it was, like, what's that? Yeah. 422,000.
Starting point is 00:02:12 Oh, my gosh. 220? 420. And it's not practical. Like, you can fit nothing in there. Well, isn't it one of those things, too? You kind of got to know how to drive it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:23 Like, are you just going to die? Well, also, they have this special technology, I think. Look this up, for if it flips. Oh. Look up the technology for from McLaren flips. I think it's supposed to be, like, insane. There you go. Because they're crazy safe.
Starting point is 00:02:37 Well, that doesn't look good. Oh, my God, it's horrible. Maybe I'm an idiot. I'm like, no, they're safe. First picture that comes up, there's a baby's head cut in half. Jesus. Yeah, those people are definitely dead. Cheers, by the way.
Starting point is 00:02:49 Hey, cheers. My 420 sweet water. Mazel Toff. Oh, my God, that's like smooth as hell. Jeez, this is a problem. Yeah, this is a problem. Too easy. It's a problem in a bottle.
Starting point is 00:03:05 I could drive a McLaren after this. That's good stuff. Can I video it from my YouTube? I just want to make the money. I think a DUI is a good thing for a comic to get and go public with because it's, it's, you didn't like dittle a kid. Like it's a good problem for your publicity. You know what I'm saying? Maybe John Reap does have a DUI though.
Starting point is 00:03:27 Oh. Yeah. I don't even know about all that. Wow. Yeah. No, but what is the deal with, why is it good? It's not good. I'm not saying it's good.
Starting point is 00:03:40 I'm saying, like, if you're going to get in trouble as a comedian, a DUI is kind of a funny crime. As long as he didn't do it, long as he didn't hit anything. Oh, that's a good point. Or other people. I didn't think about that. Well, I mean, I think he's saying in comparison to child molestation or like breaking and entering, like your ex's house. Yeah, or hitting a woman. Yeah, it is better than hitting a woman.
Starting point is 00:04:00 Yeah. Just go to my fantasy football league and look at my team. I'll tell you things that were not good. You shouldn't have done. Right. You're rice. You don't leave the scene of the exit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:09 I mean, there's, yeah. That was crazy. And then even Medcalf. Really, you punched a fan? That was crazy. What's wrong with you? Why did you do that? It was like a slap.
Starting point is 00:04:17 I do not care. You shouldn't be over there talking to them for God's sake. You're the football. Stay over here. You don't need to, two games. Two games. And now they're hurting. They're losing.
Starting point is 00:04:29 Well, they're done. Was he looking at a huge contract right before this? He was their star player. Yeah, how long is he suspended? It's a hair flick. Hold on. That's a punch. He tried, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:40 That's a punch. Then he said he said the N-word, which was a lie. That guy didn't sit. Apparently the guy called his wife G.I. Jane right before. But he's getting old anyway. See, I don't know how old he is, but I... But he's still a stud. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:55 But they're out of the playoffs anyway now. Damn. Right, it's all. Are you Titans fan? No. I go to the Titans game. lot because all my friends are down there. There's a moonshine tent. There's a Jack Daniels tent. And that's right before you get in, in. So you're already having fun. But we go to see the
Starting point is 00:05:13 other teams that come to town. So like I'm a chief person because I'm from Missouri. Like by proxy, I'm not, I'm a bandwagon. I'm really lame. And if they go to Kansas, I'm out. My fan is up for sale again. It's a third time in my life. I was a Cardinal fan. I was a Rams fan. And boom, now the chiefs are going to go to Kansas. I don't know that I can cross that state line. I was raised to hate Kansas. Really? Yes, but I don't even know why. It's got something to do with the Civil War, and I don't know.
Starting point is 00:05:41 And then it turned into basketball. And I don't even watch college basketball, really. So I'm like, yeah, I don't know. But I know they're better than us as a rule. Okay. So we're kind of jealous, I guess. Well, the lines are so murky because if you say you're from Pittsburgh, you don't have an NBA team, but you can't root for the Sixers.
Starting point is 00:05:56 That's Philly. You can't. So what do you do? I guess you go to New York. Well, Kansas City, too. It divides in the middle of the city. Yes. So you think you're in Missouri, but, ah, you just went to Kansas when you got your mail.
Starting point is 00:06:07 Right. You just went to God. Yeah. It's like the vagina in the butthole. Sometimes you slip in. Right? And they're leaving us with a $150 million cleanup of Arrowhead. They're not paying for that.
Starting point is 00:06:20 Oh, wow. You got to demolish it and clean it up and take your trash out. Well, that's fucked up. Isn't that crazy one that happened? Like Buffalo just built that new stadium. And it's like, you guys have like a really bad homeless problem. They're like, nah, we'll work on the stadium. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:31 All the money. Just put it in the. the stadium. And the Titans are getting a new one. Somebody had a great meme they put up. Can we leave the Titans in the old stadium and get a new, new team for the new stadium? That would be so great. We had two teams.
Starting point is 00:06:44 We'll make the other one, NFC, and put them in a better division. I mean, I go, but they're so bad. And everybody thinks, I think it's the owner. I didn't know who the problem was because when it's such a shit show, you don't know, is it the coach, is it the players, is blah, blah. It's really narrowed down to. It's her. And I think that community is as small as stand-up.
Starting point is 00:07:06 There's just not that many people involved in professional football. Once the word is out, Amy's cuckoo, fucking nobody good is going. You're going to get a young person who needs an opportunity or an old person on their way out, but somebody's super talented. It's not going to bother with a crazy lady. They're just going to go, no. Well, there's only so many vacancies though that maybe they will. But yeah, you're right.
Starting point is 00:07:27 Maybe at a certain point there's a breaking point. It's like, do you want to deal with Jerry Jones? Do you? Yeah. Grandpa's crazy. My grandpa is in your face 24. He's arriving in a helicopter practice. I can't.
Starting point is 00:07:40 I can't. If you're the coach, I can't do that. He's got great hair. Doesn't he? Am I thinking of the right guy? Jerry Jones, I mean. Oh, his hair's terrible. I'm thinking of Jimmy Dean.
Starting point is 00:07:50 I think you're thinking of the Raiders guy. You're thinking of Jimmy, the other Dallas guy. Old guy. Oh, Jones. Jimmy Jones. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, he has good hair. He has a lot of hair.
Starting point is 00:08:01 Okay, my bad. So, no, nobody cares about the type. That guy, look at that. Man. Jimmy Johnson. Jimmy Johnson. Yeah, the old coach, my bad. Full head of white hair.
Starting point is 00:08:10 Yeah, he looks. Yeah. See, Jerry's hair. How about those teeth? Jesus Christ. Look at those veneers. How about the black face on that? It's not the first time he's been around blackface.
Starting point is 00:08:22 That's true. See that civil rights photo of him? No. It's a bad photo. Pull it up. It's a bad. It got a lot of heat. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:08:30 No. I mean, the cowboys suck, man. It's crazy. That's like the, they were America's team. Oh, I do remember this. Yeah, that one. Just not a good one to be in. Holy moly.
Starting point is 00:08:41 There's a picture today on Twitter of, uh, there's two old old, and it's real. There's two old ladies. They're like 85, and they were the cheerleaders the last time the Cowboys won the Super Bowl, and then they have the cheerleaders now. That's amazing. That's amazing. They're like, here's the last time. That's how, I'm like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:00 Was that a Holocaust? Survivor? No, that was a cheerleader in the 90s. Jesus. But if you're stuck with him, you're stuck with him. And the bad news is, I keep telling Ron because he's a Cowboys fan. I'm like, dude, there's, his kid looks like him. The grandkids look. It never stops.
Starting point is 00:09:18 There's more Jerry Joneses behind Jerry Jones. And they all look, they're square-headed white guys that all look the same. It won't stop in your lifetime. Definitely not Ron's lifetime. There they are. Ron White. Look at that picture. That is hilarious.
Starting point is 00:09:32 It's so funny. It's true. They were really the original Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. That's adorable. Good for them. Yeah. Looking good. Wow.
Starting point is 00:09:41 Wait. So how many kids does he have? Shit. There's two boys. The girl's in charge of that show, that lady. I know he has two sons. Maybe three. Okay.
Starting point is 00:09:52 Google that. The one's always at his side. He's always in the boot. Well, two of them are right. That first week of football was insane. I mean, all those games were fucking crazy. Oh, yeah. They're all pretty close.
Starting point is 00:10:04 Damn. Charlotte's in charge of the cheerleaders as all you would expect Jerry to do that. This is like Yellowstone. Right. Yeah, right. And they are enamored with him. Like, they don't ever say, when I watch that cheerleading show because I was just mesmerized that people do this. And she, all in.
Starting point is 00:10:22 Low money. Okay, so there's a son. There's a son. I don't know that guy on the end. Mm. All right. It looks like a night at the sizzler. How about this?
Starting point is 00:10:36 Have you heard of this Netflix show Heated Rivalry, The Gay Hockey Show? Yeah, I watched them. It's horrible. I know, I was watching like, I mean, I don't think I'm homophobic. And then like 10 minutes in, I was like, I think I'm homophobic. This is pretty rough. Well, the writing is so bad that it's making me hate gays. It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:10:53 In the lighting is bad. Yeah, it's just born. Clearly you didn't get a gay set designer here. This is like tough to watch. Oh, yeah. My friend Bob, who is gay, was like, can I watch this with my mom and my nieces? I'm like, not unless the whole family's into gay porn. Yes.
Starting point is 00:11:08 Because if they are, bingo. There's not even a story, though. I try to watch it. I'm like, okay, everybody's talking about it. They were the, like on Fallon. One of them went on Fallon in the line to get in that specific show was like around the block. They're mega stars. And I'm like, okay, well, I don't care if there's some porn in here.
Starting point is 00:11:29 But there's no story. No story. No. They'll do head for like a minute and a half. And it's more likely that this would happen in the WMBA than hockey. Oh. But there's no WMBA version of this. That's a spin-off.
Starting point is 00:11:41 Well, we don't know. That's a problem. They got to hide it. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. But first and second overall pick, I don't think they're fucking. The likelihood's crazy.
Starting point is 00:11:52 I just think it's, yeah, I think you get it's like a first overall pick maybe and like a 59th pick. Right. Yeah. It's not the top two. The odds are insane. That would be too coincidental. Yeah. The odds are insane.
Starting point is 00:12:03 Yeah. But yeah, they should do a WNBA kind of soft core. They should. I mean, I think it's hot when the black lesbians push Clark around. That's kind of sexy, huh? That's my fantasy. Angel Reese and Caitlin Clark, that's the story. If they're secretly hooking up, everyone's like, they hate each other.
Starting point is 00:12:19 And they're like, no, they're scissors. They're married. Yeah. Lesbian marriage does not go well. I didn't make it past the episode, a heated run. It was rough. Yeah. I mean, what?
Starting point is 00:12:29 Whatever. I don't care about all that, but I'm also bored. Like what... I know. Or just if you're into that, just go rent gay porn. So why do you need a fake hockey story that doesn't exist? I think I prefer gay porn. It gets right to it. There's no... That's good point. You're teasing me with sports. Yes. I didn't like the bait and switch of the sports.
Starting point is 00:12:49 Good point. I really did think there would be somewhat of a story. No. No. But then it's euphoria. And I can't understand either one of them and they're naked most of the time so their mics aren't good. I can't hear what they're actually One's supposed to be Russian I think And then the other one is like Canadian something
Starting point is 00:13:05 I didn't I had the sound off I don't know That's one of the visuals But yeah Euphoria is a great life hack to watch High School kids fuck Is that I heard it's a good show I haven't seen it It's pretty good but all the kids are hot
Starting point is 00:13:19 And they're you know in high school Yeah So you get to watch them hook up and not Is this like a Netflix thing or something? It's an HBO show Oh, Sidney Sweeney. Dude, I saw this video of these two guys arguing on Instagram. One of them's like, hot take, Sidney's not hot.
Starting point is 00:13:34 And the other one's like, what? And I was like, yeah, no wonder we can't agree on immigration. Right. You can't, you know, one of you's like, she's ugly. Sorry. I know. Come on. She's objectively attractive.
Starting point is 00:13:44 Yeah. And then to go ugly, it's like, well, let's see your wife. You know what I mean? I love when they just go right to ugly. That's your debate tactic. Yes, yes. She's called his wife, his wife, ugly. If you call her ugly, we got to see what your wife, mom and sister look like.
Starting point is 00:13:57 Yeah. Well, I can't say. that lady's ugly. Of course. They always go extremes. It's like when they call Sam a Nazi. Who calls me? It's in the comments.
Starting point is 00:14:07 Fuck. Now that's going to take off. Yeah. Who's in charge of cleaning out of the comments? Jewish Nazi. That's a sitcom. Or the Jew and the Nazi is the odd couple. Ooh.
Starting point is 00:14:18 That's going to be the... There's your... Needed rivalry. There's your super porn. Super porn. You left the oven on. Hot Jewish guy. Hot Jewish guy.
Starting point is 00:14:26 Hot Nazi. Yeah, hotzy. One's got dark hair, one's a blonde. Hey. Damn, this is good. Me and maybe like Francis Ellis. Yes, yes, exactly. Just railing me from behind.
Starting point is 00:14:39 He's hiling while fucking you. Oh, what the hell is this? What is that? Oh, Nazi porn. Yeah, but is it Nazi Jewish porn? By the way, my son has a little bit of hair down to here, and I always do Hitler comb, and then I give him a little, A little ink right here, and we have a good time.
Starting point is 00:14:59 You put a little of the poop in the diaper right here. Yeah, exactly. And then I take his whole hand, you know, the neighbors are terrified. His first steps were very big. Yeah, the goose. He's got an easy bake oven. What too many? You don't want to adopt, huh?
Starting point is 00:15:18 No, I do not. You never wanted kids? No. I helped raise my younger siblings. Like, I get it. And I'm like, okay, this is fun. Like, I like them. They're nice people, little people.
Starting point is 00:15:32 The best case scenario, I've thought about it a lot, is they don't go to prison. Yep. Like, they don't kill someone or they don't do something completely fucked up. That's the, really the best case scenario. It's likely. Otherwise, you're just other people I know. Right. Like, you're a fun person.
Starting point is 00:15:51 Good. My brother Patrick's fun. Yeah. Good. You turned out fun. Yeah. You didn't do anything bad. But like, would I want to do that again?
Starting point is 00:15:58 Yeah, good point. And then I don't know if you're thinking like, I want to go travel the world. I don't see how am I in some house with a fence and I take you to school. Like I see my sister has done it. The kids are in high school. They're freshmen. Eight years. Every day to the same pickup spot.
Starting point is 00:16:17 I can't. That's parent. It's almost like bad for the comic brain where you're like, this repetition is. The repetition. I stayed for two weeks because she had twins. And she's like, well, you come back and I go, yeah, sure. In a final weekend, I don't know how to look on my face. She's like, you're leaving, aren't you?
Starting point is 00:16:32 I said, no, I promised I'd stay the two weeks. I go, I just, I really like them, the little twin girls, and they're fun in the high chair. Yeah. But it's the same thing every day. We wake up, there's playtime, and then feed them, and then a nap and repeat until they get older. But that whole first. First couple years I hear of row. That's tough.
Starting point is 00:16:52 Yeah, I would convince me. I'm getting rid of them. Yeah. Yeah. I got an eight, 11th one. A baby. Yeah. He was a Nazi.
Starting point is 00:16:58 I had to. I'd get rid of him. Every day with a Nazi. I just, no. Not for this lifetime. Maybe the next one. I'm not anti-kid. I'm the anti-I don't like the lifestyle.
Starting point is 00:17:11 If I would do it the way I wanted to do it. I want to be home. I want to take them to practice. I want as much as I don't, I do. But a lot of people who do what you do actually still have a kid and they're just not good parents. Well, it's not the way I would parent. So whatever people want to do, that kid's going to turn out as a result of your work. Right, right.
Starting point is 00:17:28 So, like, I would want to be home. I'd want to have the dog. I'd want to have the setup. And go, okay, here's your dad, here's a dog, here's a cat. I go to the meetings and whatever for the kid and, yeah, the PTA things. And it's a lifestyle. I mean, it's, it is. And when you step into it, you're like, oh, wow, shit, this goes on until they can drive.
Starting point is 00:17:50 Yes. At least you get school. That takes a little edge off. you get the hours of the day. Mine's at a Somali daycare right now. But, yeah. It gets easier. It's the lifestyle that I was always just like, I don't know,
Starting point is 00:18:04 and then you've got to find the right person and hope they're not an asshole. And then buy a house and, you know, well, at least in the Midwest. Like, I don't know, apartment in New York. Sure. No, but you're right. A lot of things have to go right. Yes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:17 Yes. And they have to go right quickly. Yeah. Like you can't be doing this when you're 45. Well, you can. I mean, but it's a little. late in the game. You'll be 65, the kids, you know, the kids are 20.
Starting point is 00:18:28 Yeah. That's the pace I'm on, I think. But I think that's weird too, because I'm from the generation where our parents had us when they were like 22. That's true. Like I look at my parents, I'm like, it's weird. You're only 20 years older than me. That's wild. That is weird. It is weird. Like when you're 50 and 70, that's not that
Starting point is 00:18:44 kind of different. Yeah. But I mean, people wait, but I don't know, I think all these things would have to line up, and what are the odds of that happening? Well, you're one of the last cool comedians. I feel like comedians are all getting quefy and sober and they don't have any fun. You're still living, damn it.
Starting point is 00:19:03 That's why I love this. I'm like, and then if you don't drink, now I already know what to say because so many people don't. I'm like, well, give it away. Give it away. I'm just here with it. You can do whatever you want with it or not want with it, but. But you're fun. I mean, I still drink.
Starting point is 00:19:16 I'll smoke my little cigar every now and then. Your cigar smoker. Well, Ron brought those and left them. Ron White. I do like them. Because I quit spoken cigs a long time ago. That's like a nice little treat. There you go.
Starting point is 00:19:28 It's like a little reward. All these studies now, people are actually, I'm glad that that guy, Scott Galloway had a thing recently. Like, you should drink. Yeah, you should drink. All these people are saying young people stopped drinking. It's like, go out and socialize. It gets you off your phone. Well, that's weird.
Starting point is 00:19:40 They all, they don't want to go out. But I think it's coming back. I think it's also that young kids are really broke right now, though. I think that plays into it. I was broke when I was a kid. Yeah, I guess you find a way. You find a way. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:51 Crack heads are broke. They make it work. There's a shitty biker bar by my house in Nashville. Beer's are three bucks. You can't, come on. And guess who's in there? Me and a bunch of old guys. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:20:05 Where are the kids? Where are the youngsters? Like, I don't know. You got to get laid. But I think they all want to vape. I see. It's such a turnoff. I was out with a girl and we're having a good time when she took the vape out and I was like, oh.
Starting point is 00:20:17 I know. See, I don't even care. I don't understand why they're so weird about it. Like, they're always hiding, like, I, like, I don't know why, like, my sister-in-law is always, that she's, like, my age, she's always in a cloud of strawberry. That's the problem is, like, when you're drunk, like, this is fucking cool. You're like, strawberry, fuck yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:37 But then you soap up, you're like, that's fucking nasty. It's weird. But if you were a real smoker or a weed smoker, that shit, yeah. No, I don't want my cigarette to taste like fruit. It's a cigarette. It's supposed to taste like the earth. Yes. Like dirt.
Starting point is 00:20:51 No, it's like, it is like the mic's hard. lemonade to a beer. Yeah. I never liked the premium malt beverages. I always wanted a beer. Just a beer. I don't want a fucking green apple whiskey. No.
Starting point is 00:21:01 No. Once you start putting fruit or vegetables or you altering the rawness of whatever it was, you lost me. Me, but not the kids. Look at the vaping. And I think it's better, honestly, I'm not a doctor. I'm not a doctor. But I think you should smoke cigarettes over vaping.
Starting point is 00:21:18 Interesting. Because vaping, the pictures of that popcorn long. So you're basically inhaling a hot coil with shit in it from China. You bought it at a gas station. You don't know what the fuck is in that. Versus I know that Marl had to go through a chain of inspection. I know they're still cyanide and stuff. I get it.
Starting point is 00:21:40 Tar. Rad poison. Yeah, it's so rat poison. But they told me it's up to me now to decide. Exactly. At least you're up front about it. They're up front because they had to be in the 70s. They held them to the feet to the fire.
Starting point is 00:21:50 But I just think the vaping, that instant heat in your lungs, if you've ever, to see if there's a picture of popcorn lung. Because it never goes away. Oh, is that right? It never heals. I had a joke in my last special by if you see a detective with a vape, he's not finding your kid. Oh, that's great. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:22:07 The cigarette does give you some ease, you know? It does. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Why do they call it popcorn? Because it looks like popcorn. There's little bulbs on there. See, like that. Well, that one's not real.
Starting point is 00:22:20 But it was a real. It looks like white polyps. There it is. Oh, my God. That is like my dick after spring break. That makes you want to go back to the cinema. Irreversible. Irreversible.
Starting point is 00:22:31 In the 60s and 70s, the cigarette companies put asbestos in the filter tips. So the smoke wasn't as harmful to your lungs. Woo! Good times. Also, I've never seen a guy. So we were inhaling asbestos. I never see a guy with a vape with a picture of his daughter on it. Just saying.
Starting point is 00:22:48 Remember that was a big thing? You put a picture of your kid on the cigarette pack. and you go, ah, maybe I shouldn't smoke. Really? Yeah. I've ever heard of that. What? My dad did that.
Starting point is 00:22:56 Was a picture of you want a pack of cigarettes? Yeah. And he smoked more. I put a picture of a limp dick on my phone so I don't call my ex. That gets me to stop drinking. I bought a whole convent in St. Louis. There's only five nuns left. I smoked it off Marlboro's that I got him a kayak.
Starting point is 00:23:13 And I got them those red jackets. They're like farmer jackets with a brown collar. They're like, you know, like a Martha Stewart Farm jacket. It did say Marlboro and tiny letters, but the nuns don't care. They all smoked anyway. Really? And I'm like, hey, I'm going to collect every Marlboro Mile in America. So I'd go to, like, Columbus Funny Bone or whatever.
Starting point is 00:23:30 And I'd tell all the servers, save your Marlboro Miles. I'm saving them because people would leave them packages. Nobody cared. Yeah, that's how many I got. Damn. The kayak was 50,000 miles. Wow. And I did it.
Starting point is 00:23:43 And they took a float trip in Missouri. That is hilarious. Amazing. We nuns drowned. It can be done. And Lewis spoke cable. they had the camel bucks. Lewis Black.
Starting point is 00:23:52 So I would save all his camels because he didn't care. Yeah. I'm like, dude. Did Lewis smoke six too? Oh, yeah. All of them. Wow. Lewis smoked all the camel lights.
Starting point is 00:24:00 There's no more left. I love that. Yeah, when I'm drunk, I do crave a cigarette. There's something about it. There's something. Well, it's terrible to say. I shouldn't. But like, I just like fire.
Starting point is 00:24:10 I like ashtrays, like old ones, like stand-up ones that are super cool. You can find it like any thrift store. You should move to Malibu. The smoky atmosphere. Yeah. But you have to just be the right kind of person to say, I'm in. Right. Like, I love it.
Starting point is 00:24:25 There's something hot, too. Like, you know, you walk outside at the bar in the winter in New York. You meet a girl. You're both smoking a cig. There's something kind of hot about that interaction. I don't know. Sure, yeah. Well, you're both ruining your lives together.
Starting point is 00:24:36 Yeah. You both have, you know. We both don't give a shit. Yeah. That's the message. It's a fuck it. It's a big fuck it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:42 I like that. But I don't even think we thought that back then. Like, I don't know. You just did it. Yeah, because I'm like, everybody in the house smoked. Right. when people are like, I know there's something to secondhand smoke, but
Starting point is 00:24:54 really then, all me and my siblings should be dead. Like, my parents smoked in the car, windows rolled up, in the house. I don't believe that. We came up at the, there was a couple clubs we got at the end. Yes. Like the St. Louis Funnybone, where you could still smoke and that cloud of smoke, I remember, but there weren't that
Starting point is 00:25:10 many clubs left by the time. No. When we were doing it, that, but that, I remember seeing the cloud of smoke, like, oh, this is crazy. Or in the south, they would allow it a lot more than the north. Yeah. Like, you could still go down to Charlie Goodnights or something and Sigs everywhere. Nobody cared. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:26 But I smoked, so I didn't care. I didn't even think it was an issue. Like, I mean, I knew that, like, my clothes smelled really good. After a week in the club, you're like, oh, shit. Like, yeah, I got to go home. But you never heard an autopsy, like, he died of secondhand smoke. That's never happened. I mean, people get lung can so who don't smoke.
Starting point is 00:25:42 It is, you know, it is possible. Yeah, but that doesn't mean they were around secondhand smoke. You can just be a person. Yeah, I don't know the date on it. I don't know. I don't either. We're talking about things we don't know about, but it sounds right. It sounds good.
Starting point is 00:25:54 It sounds right. It sounds right. Attel lighting up in front of the Rizzler was an all-time moment on this. Oh, that's great. Sean Penn at the Golden Globes. Yeah, I saw that. Jeez, he looks rough. He looks like an ashtray.
Starting point is 00:26:08 There are so many things you could do besides have that sting at that moment. I know. I could take off your shirt. I'll throw 17 nicotine patches on your back. You'll fly like an eagle. How about some gum? Like, I got everything. that's got the nicotine in it.
Starting point is 00:26:21 He doesn't care. He's been famous for too long. No, he likes smoking. But he's also been famous for too long. The thing with, like, Chappelle will just light up in a club. And he's like, he knows he shouldn't, but he's also like, I don't care. Yeah. There's a comic Rick Kerns from Denver.
Starting point is 00:26:33 And we've checked into some hotel back in the day on the road. And the lady's like, it's a $250 fine. And we're there for the week, like Wednesday through Sunday. $250 fine if you smoke in the room. And Rick goes nightly. He's right. I might pay $250 to smoke. my room all week. Like, if you could.
Starting point is 00:26:52 Yeah. And the lady was, like, didn't even get what he meant. Like, I'm like, he's kidding, but he's kind of not. Right. He wants to know if he gives you $250, can he just smoke all week? But I don't know. We didn't think about it. We just, our parents smoked. We all smoked. Yeah. I don't think it got out that it was bad
Starting point is 00:27:08 news until I was probably, well, I was probably 16. Okay. I heard it. My parents don't smoke or drink. I'm the problem, I think. Interesting. Yeah. Don't have a drink. Your parents don't smoke. No, my dad did when he was young and then But they all drink quite a bit. But I'm from New Orleans.
Starting point is 00:27:23 I remember when you could smoke in bars. And the hangover was so much worse with that stink on my clothes. Yes. Yeah, it's a headache. Oh, my God, I was just in Berlin, and we were in a smoking bar, and we're all zapping cigarettes. We're all getting fucked up. Oh. God damn, that hangover is another level.
Starting point is 00:27:38 Another level. You didn't drink enough water. Yeah. You got a super hijade if you're in the smoky area. I know that. But in the moment, you're like, I'm fucked up. Yeah. And water sounds gross.
Starting point is 00:27:49 It's like we're in a color. gross bar. No, water sounds gross. Water does. If you're drunk, drunk, water just sounds like, that's just one more thing I'll throw up later.
Starting point is 00:27:56 I don't need all that. You put it off. Why do we put it? Because it takes the fun out of it. We're trying to get fucked up. You're going to hand me a safety net of water. You're right, we're drinking whiskey and smoking a cigarette. Being responsible isn't,
Starting point is 00:28:07 it's not in us at that moment. It's like somebody... It's probably wasn't in us to begin with. Eat this apple while you're eating a birthday cake. That's true. Were you around for the tail end of the comedy cocaine years? Ooh. Yeah, I mean, I didn't.
Starting point is 00:28:19 do it like no seriously like i'm too i get i would get addicted too fat like i worked at a restaurant and borrowed from the time of us 13 to 23 steward henderson's cattle company i was a bus girl i was a server a barback and a bartender that whole period i watched people that were 10 years older than me get addicted to coke i called it the devil's drug because it was just affordable enough that say we made 75 bucks each bartending they'd spend 45 on blow And then that would be gone. So you really only made 30. It was affordable enough to get it, but affordable enough to break you over time.
Starting point is 00:28:57 So then they'd be like, well, and then you want more blow. So that $45, that initial buy-in of $45 is now $65. And then it just keeps going. I just saw so many lives, like, smoked by that. I'm like, no, no, because I know I would probably like it. Of course. Well, that jacket says cocaine. Isn't it?
Starting point is 00:29:15 Oh, yeah. It says Tony Montana, bring on cocaine. But they were still doing it Like I remember at the funny firm in Chicago Funny firm That's hilarious John Grisham's Club Oh my God
Starting point is 00:29:29 The fucking owner It was just blow All over the desk Bags of blow Because my friend Diane She goes How much did he tell you you're making? I said I don't really remember
Starting point is 00:29:42 I think six hundred fifty bucks She goes go up there right now Before the week starts and say Hey we agreed on 950 right And he's so hot he'll just say yes and I did and it worked. Wow. I just got a $300 raise.
Starting point is 00:29:54 You never hear about the good side of drugs. Right. There's a wonderful side of drugs. If you're not on them at the time you did raise. Like it worked. I was like, wow. Yeah, there was still a lot of that. But it kind of faded quickly.
Starting point is 00:30:06 I'd say by like 92, gone, 93. People just, I think they just did all the cocaine and then they ran our money. And they were burnt out probably too. Oh, no. No? No. You think they had to kept going on? Yeah, like somebody I worked with,
Starting point is 00:30:19 her nose actually fell in. And I was at the funny bone years later and somebody said, hey, they came from the restaurant. They're like, do you say hi to Pam? I go out and see Pam. She said, no, she's at the bar. I go, ah, now she ain't. Yeah, she is. She's at the end.
Starting point is 00:30:32 I'm like, oh, fuck. And if you get to the point you've done so much blow that your nose collapses, trust me, you didn't save $8,000 for a nose job. You don't have a reserve to fix that. You have to live with that now. Or work your way back. We were all thinking it. We didn't.
Starting point is 00:30:49 And all that other stuff I've never seen as much destruction as I do. So why Jews don't do cocaine, the nose that collapsed too hard through the face. That's a big avalanche. Yeah, right. There's a lot of coats to break that. Boy, yeah, already looked better the last time we saw him. Yeah. He looked like he fixed it.
Starting point is 00:31:07 Yeah. Did he fix it? I think so. Somewhat, yeah, as much as you can. It's not easy to fix either. No. Because it's just all cartilage, like a shark. It just, there's no bone here.
Starting point is 00:31:15 It just so we got to redo. You know his story, right? Yeah. With the hooker and the glass shattering. Can you tell us? Well, basically he was crunching up some coke or some pills with a salt shaker, a glass salt shaker. The salt shaker cracked. He didn't realize it.
Starting point is 00:31:31 So now he's pounding glass into the pills and the powder. And he's ordered it. And then he said the hooker took a shower or he took a shower and he said, keep clapping while I'm in the shower. So I know you don't steal anything. So she had a clap. It's a good relationship. Yeah. That's built on drugs.
Starting point is 00:31:49 hilarious that you'll fuck someone that you trust that little. Well, it's a hooker. I know, but it's also applause. He's getting, uh, applause break. Yeah, but still, that hooker wasn't going to do that. Why are you judging her so harshly? Just because she has a shitty gig, doesn't mean she's a shitty human. Well.
Starting point is 00:32:08 Doesn't mean she's going to steal. You never know. Yeah, but would you do that to a non-hooker? Like, let's say you went out with a woman and you're on your third date and you say, clap, why I'm in the shower, because I think you're stealing? No. I should have once. That would be weird.
Starting point is 00:32:22 That would be like she'd be like, dude, fuck you. I'm not stealing your, your zany sweatshirt. I love the sweater. I have my own. Yeah. I don't know. I knew a friend. I'm not going to say his name.
Starting point is 00:32:34 He's a fellow comic. We all know him. He got a prostitute. And they did their deed. The whole thing lasted eight minutes. And then he went to the bathroom and he saw in the mirror that she was going through his duffel bag. And he just went, could you not do that?
Starting point is 00:32:47 And she was like, oh, sorry. So then she did. left. So it happens. That's all it took. Could you just not do that? It's very polite. I guess so. Yeah, I guess you just got to keep everything in sight. Bring it all in the shower, the wallet, everything. Jeez. There you go. All right. Well, hey, did you ever get shit? Because you've been doing comedy? What? 75 years.
Starting point is 00:33:08 75 years? So you started with Bob Hope and Shelley Berman? No. You know, I actually did it at Bob Hope's show. Really? Yeah, it was called Ladies of Laughter. It was me, Wendy Levin, Margaret Cho, Carol Montgomery, I think. Wow. It's a good line on. It was a good show. But he was so old.
Starting point is 00:33:25 He was like 88 at the time. My mom and dad came out for somebody. I don't know why, because they didn't really attend. There's seven of us. They don't. But he's Bob Hope. It's a big deal. He focused on us individually, ever.
Starting point is 00:33:37 I don't know why. Oh, I know why. Because my little brother was in love with Brooke Shields, and she was supposed to be on the show. He canceled a soccer tournament, and Brooke Shield canceled, and they switched her out for Crystal Bernard, the lady from the way.
Starting point is 00:33:48 Oh, no. Yeah, my brother ruined his whole life over that. But so my mom... Are you in this photo? Is that you? Yeah, I'm on the back left. Whoa. But that's, no, those are the host, though.
Starting point is 00:34:01 That's not the comedians that were on there. Oh, okay. They were all on the show. See, there's the lady from wings. Yep. That's Anita Wise. I think she passed away. That's Rue McClanahan.
Starting point is 00:34:10 Yeah, there's Bob. See if you can find the comedians. Yeah, okay. These are like the host people. What a pull. No shit. I didn't even know that was online. Is he touching your buttocks there?
Starting point is 00:34:24 Oh, no, I can see his hands. He was having eye explosions. Eye explosions. Well, I was talking to him. My mom was the nurse forever. Doing coke to his eye. I'm like, mom, I go, what's going on? She goes, oh, it happens to old people all the time.
Starting point is 00:34:42 Blood vessels burst. And I go, is that hurt him? Is it hurt? No. She goes, he doesn't even know what's happening, except everything is going to get very foggy for a few minutes, and then somebody will come out with drops. But, like, I didn't know that you could live long enough. The white to your eyes, all of a sudden, the vein will show up, and then it just goes, phew. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:35:00 Time to pack it in. That's rough. Yeah. All the cue cards were like the size of a wall. They brought them in on trolleys. It would say, like, hi. This is how smart he was, though. He negotiated for 50 years with NBC that they had to give him three specials a year for, for,
Starting point is 00:35:17 50 years they had agreed to that. Jesus. So that's why when he's 88, he's still doing the Bob Hope Christmas special. Whoa. Wow. That originated 50 years ago. They were so crazy. They were like, we did not think you'd live this long.
Starting point is 00:35:29 No, nobody did. Norm McDonald says he's the best comedian of all time. Bob Hope? Yeah. That's what Norm says. Norm's a contrarian, though, sometimes. Yeah. Because I think, like, a lot of people towards the end said he got a little corny and stuff.
Starting point is 00:35:43 Definitely, definitely. Yeah, I mean, at least to our, no. Even my Even my parents were like Well you know he's the gag guy Like he has writers Like they even knew He's just a vessel of delivering
Starting point is 00:35:57 Whatever He's not really What we would call A comedian Yeah yeah He's an entertainer Yes he's a MC Yeah
Starting point is 00:36:06 Yeah exactly He was funny enough though I mean he was Somebody gave him a $20 bill And said can you sign this And he goes There you're not worth five Ha ha
Starting point is 00:36:16 Like old-timey, corny, jokey, jokey. He was America's grandpa. Yeah, but like... That's a cool lineup to be on. Do Wendy Leapman funny shit? Oh, so funny. Yeah. Our HBO won, like, Women of the Night, I think it was called.
Starting point is 00:36:34 I think it was like me, Wanda, Wendy. Oh, wow. It's the same six of us. Right. In that era, we just kept getting a gig. Sure. And they would go, okay, well, like, that's why back then there was HBO young comedian specials, HBO
Starting point is 00:36:48 Women in the Night. Well, which one am I going to audition for? There's like 50 women showing up to the audition. Max, max. You got a good shot. There's 350 good guys showing up over here. I'm not going to that. No. Smart odds. Yeah. Play the odds. I don't care if you want to say, oh, you got it
Starting point is 00:37:04 because you're a woman. Whatever. I got it. I got it. I'm on TV. I'm on. You're not. Yeah. Your shit's always been strong, though. Killer. Well, they picked good people. I mean, Wanda's still fucking funny. Wendy's still funny. Wendy's still funny. Margaret Cho is still funny. Yeah, she is.
Starting point is 00:37:18 And solid. Like, I would pay to see anybody I just mentioned. Did you have a lot of the, it could you always hear, like, it's hard for women. Did you find that? No. Whoa. I did not. If anything, every dude that was a headliner, like when I was in Odie Act, was nothing but nice.
Starting point is 00:37:34 Yeah. It helped. To me, though, the one big disadvantage is for women headlining, especially early on, is like, just the griminess of the road and the clubs and stuff. To me, that's what I've heard, at least from female friends. Well, there are women that quit because of that because they don't like the road part, but I liked it. But I also have a lot of brothers, and I'm used to living with slabs and pigs. I don't care about all that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:57 I think the only disadvantage was, and I can prove it statistically, is when it came to do you get a sitcom or not. Interesting. The female, the only reason Brett Butler and Roseanne was because of Marcy Carsey Warner over at Warner Brothers. and they gave, Marcy Carson was a big advocate for women can handle their own sitcom. But if you go back before that, oh. Mary-Taylor-Borne. And I love Ray Romano. I think he's very funny.
Starting point is 00:38:24 But that's who was getting them. Kevin James. Romano. Keep going back. Seinfeld. Mostly white guys, too. Sure. And if you were black, they put you on back then.
Starting point is 00:38:33 You had Martin. You had a couple of Cosby. What's this crazy channel? I don't think it doesn't. UPN? Not UPN. It might have been. WPI?
Starting point is 00:38:41 4chan. It doesn't. I don't think it existed. me more, but they put all the black sitcoms on that network. The WB? What'd you say? I think it was UPN. O UPN? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:38:52 It might have been a WBT. But I'm saying so if Cedric the entertainer, I'm friends with him, he's funny, funny, you know. If he got a show, then they would, back then they would go, you're over there. And then white guy goes to, and the other drag,
Starting point is 00:39:08 I don't want the gig, so it doesn't bother me that much, but female late night talk show host. Forget it. That never appealed to you, though. I don't want it, but why couldn't want to do it? Sure. Yeah, sure.
Starting point is 00:39:20 She's great. What about it? But did a sitcom appeal to you back then? No, never did, never will. I can't. I went one time to the Big Bang Theory with Lewis because he had a part at the end as a crazy professor or some poor shit. He's a good actor.
Starting point is 00:39:34 Lou is a very good actor. And he enjoys the process. Like, I don't have the patience for it. We went there at four in the afternoon. We didn't leave till 11. Me and his assistant drank a bottle of. white wine. I memorized his lines. I memorized the whole script.
Starting point is 00:39:48 That's hilarious. What are you getting paid for this, Lou? Do you even know? Scale. Scale. It was like the whole day it was like $4,500 bucks minus everybody you got to pay, but blah, blah, yeah. I go, was this worth it to you? He goes, yeah, I love it. Really? But he's like a Yale drama guy, isn't he?
Starting point is 00:40:03 I know, but he doesn't care. Any kind of acting is fun to him. Yeah. Like, I go, this truly, because we've been best friends for a hundred years, you truly think this was a fun day compared to if we went golf and and then had a bunch of wine. And some steaks. You think this equals that.
Starting point is 00:40:18 In a different way, yeah. He's very serious. He's not kidding. So if you want to do that, not the road, for sure. Dude, I will never, ever return to this lot and watch you do anything. Like, you're on your own now, buddy. I came once. I ate with you in the commissary.
Starting point is 00:40:31 It's horrible. Seven hours. I'm with you. You do the Tonight Show. You got to get there at two. You don't leave till seven. You're like, what the hell is this? I did five minutes.
Starting point is 00:40:38 And that was only five hours. Right, right. I'm talking eight. on a lot that I couldn't get on because they don't have the IDs right and I got to fight with the people and meanwhile I have Jokey the clown here who's on the fucking show
Starting point is 00:40:49 nobody believes that and I'm like no he's in it I'm just a driver I don't want to know I think you're right about the sitcom though that's true because a lot of guy you like Bernie Mac Jamie Foxe Damon Wayans
Starting point is 00:41:01 they all got sitcoms all the like guys what was the network you I think it's UPN maybe UPN yeah I think I found the clip as well here for some local TV station if you want to see it I was all Hope one Oh.
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Starting point is 00:45:10 Is that Philis Diller? That was Philist Diller. Oh. That was supposed to be Brooke Shields. My brother quit his son-turned. We got the B-squad.
Starting point is 00:45:22 Are you still with it? He's 88 here? I assume. Wow. Hey, look at that. I'm Korean. I don't know a store or anything. Ha.
Starting point is 00:45:34 How did you choose the five young women who are on this? Oh, I've never seen it. Is Nancy Reagan. You wouldn't say it would be that easy to get cassette, but my daughter was producing picked up 40 cassette and we looked at all of them and picked five of them. You looked at a cassette. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:54 And I hit like two chorus. The classic misdirection. She created that whole thing. I had to take the bus. It was really gross. I can't watch myself. I took one look at these people and felt like calling unsolved mysteries
Starting point is 00:46:13 and going, yeah, I found everybody. Wait, pull up the Caroline's wall and then her sweater. I got to compare the two. That sweater was right out of Carolines. That, yeah, exactly. Oh, shit. That is the Caroline?
Starting point is 00:46:26 I should have worn it on Caroline's kind of a thing. Oh, you would have blended in like camo. I would have been wallpaper. Ah, this is going to take a half hour. God damn it. Damn, that's cool, man. How cool is that? I don't know, is it?
Starting point is 00:46:38 What did you get paid for that? 50 bucks? I don't know. What would like the first big gigs you did? The first like big, like what was your first special on? Well, HBO because the, and then I got HBO half hour. Nice. Chappelle.
Starting point is 00:46:51 Wow. Warren Hutchinson. That's one of the only things I have a poster of in my house. That's pretty cool. I'm like, you know what? That was cool. Pat Nausewald. Nice.
Starting point is 00:47:01 There were five of us. The one skinny guy, maybe was Warren passed away? I don't know Warren. Warren Hutchinson? skinny black guy I think he died I don't care for that kind of humor No Hutchinson
Starting point is 00:47:15 We just got the wall Hutchinson I could be saying he's dead And he's not even dead I don't know But that's what I heard Uh oh But there was a fifth
Starting point is 00:47:24 On that That I'm not thinking of Is that Warren? Yes There he is Yeah Does it say Did he pass away?
Starting point is 00:47:36 Oh God Oh boy Oh boy He was on UPN for a while That'd be enough That was like the big To get an HBO half hour Sure
Starting point is 00:47:49 Was way better than a comedy Central half hour I got one of those two But that had more Like just between comics That had more Because they didn't give that many Like Comedy Central at one point
Starting point is 00:47:59 I think it was like 25 a year Like what the fuck It was crazy It was completely crazy By the time Mark and I did it We It was It did nothing.
Starting point is 00:48:08 It was nothing. Yeah, it was a waste. It was a waste by the time I did it, where you're like, okay. And then Comedy Central, we filled it somewhere here in New York, right off Times Square, one of those theaters, the Hudson Theater. Yep. And nobody asked me, and I don't really care, but I'm like, huh, I go out and the background is a prairie with a windmill.
Starting point is 00:48:29 And I'm like, what? Well, you're Midwestern. I'm from St. Louis. We don't have windmills. How about the arch or something? from Kansas. My Kansas starts all that, not Missouri. And I was like...
Starting point is 00:48:40 A lot of funny people from St. Louis, by the way. Yeah, we have a lot of funny black people. Tommy Johnigan, you, Nikki Glazer, Greg Warren. Greg Warren. A lot of funny comics out of there. And then the black side's even funnier. Cedric. J.B. Smooth?
Starting point is 00:48:53 I don't know about that. Miles Davis. Lavelle. Croffert. Lavelle and I grew up like two streets away from one another. What? Now that I see you, I know you were the fattest kid at the swimming pool. There was a public soap pool.
Starting point is 00:49:05 He goes, That's a lot of fat baby. I go, yeah, but now with a tiny pinhead. You have that pinhead, Lavel. I go, I know I saw you as a kid. Like, we never knew each other until later, but I'm like, it had to be, we're not that far apart in age. I'm like, it had to be you.
Starting point is 00:49:21 And he's like, I'm sure. I forget that. He murders. He's so funny. Good actor, too. Do you see when he was on a toe he's sunny? Handbreaking man. Has landslide, the diarrhea comic?
Starting point is 00:49:32 It's fucking great. Landslide. He's good and serious. of shit, too. He was good in the drug one. Breaking bad. Breaking bad, but then there was another one where it was like a Mexican cartel thing.
Starting point is 00:49:45 Yes, it's, uh, yeah, it's on breaking bad. That had a cartel in it. Red Fox is from St. Louis. Whoa. I love Red Fox. And I love that. How about that Provel pizza? What do you think? I love it. It's pretty good. Emo's. I do or die.
Starting point is 00:50:00 Zany's Dorf every time. I tell him his kids weigh hockey and they're in St. Louis. Get it. Emos pizza. Mattie, I've tasted it, it's your thing. You either love it or hate it. I don't love it or hate it. I don't love it. I don't love it.
Starting point is 00:50:11 I like it. I'm a New York pizza guy. New Haven's my number one, but like, I like you. I get it when I go there. That's you, that in the toasted raviolis. That's the same Louis thing. And then once you try toasted ravioli outside of that, outside of that perimeter, it's gross. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:27 Like I can't. I don't know where it originated, clearly not. Well, maybe we have an Italian neighborhood that's pretty famous. I mean, Yogi Barra, all those guys are from. Oh, wow. Jajio. They were all from that one neighborhood. But DiMaggio grew up on the West Coast, though.
Starting point is 00:50:40 He was on the S.F. I think he was on the Bay. The St. Louis, it's like the most famous Yankees. There was like four of them from San Luis. Yerro. You said that, right? Yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:50:51 And then if you Google. But DiMaggio's father was, I think he was like a fisherman off the coast. Then he was. So maybe somebody grew up in the bay after that. I don't know. It's, uh, you'll know him. There we go. AI, do your thing.
Starting point is 00:51:03 Yogi Barra, Paul Goldsmith, Luke, Volt. No, these are not good boys. No, it's a Yankee, for sure. Joe Garciola. Yeah, Joe, right. They were all from the hill. So maybe they didn't have that.
Starting point is 00:51:16 Jason Tatum, St. Louis. Who's the guy in the Florida Panthers is St. Louis? Cachuk. Yeah, the Cichucks. Yeah, they were, oh, man. Look up J.B. Smove just for me. I just want to know if J.B. Smove was St. Louis.
Starting point is 00:51:29 I don't think so. All right. What about Miles Davis? Yes. Okay. That's a big one. Yeah. St. Louis has fucking some nice contribution.
Starting point is 00:51:35 contributions, man. Holy shit. That funny bone was good. You can kind of stay Tina Turner. That's where I can Tina became a thing. Okay. But she's technically, I think, from, like, Tennessee. Where's he from?
Starting point is 00:51:49 I don't think she's. North Carolina. Yeah. Damn it. Also, I think we've done Mr. Hutcherson a disservice here because we were like, is he alive or dead? He's alive. Can we listen to one of his jokes?
Starting point is 00:52:01 Yeah, let's listen to a joke. I hate from. I hate from, they're like, they're talking about you on a pod. Well, yeah, but I don't. They want to know if you're alive. I don't know. I just heard that. That's what I said. You have to wonder, well, what's number one? You know? How did you get all the way to 180?
Starting point is 00:52:12 You cut right to the setup. I'm sorry. Hey, murder, put that on them. I just put it in. It's, uh, it's an 187. 187. That's the color for murder. Here we go. It's bothers me because you have to wonder, well, what's the number one?
Starting point is 00:52:24 That's good. Yeah. To be 187. That's somebody said, hey, murder. Put that on the list. That's solid. That's true. He had a great half hour, and he was fun.
Starting point is 00:52:34 Oh, I know the other guy. Oh God, Jeff Garland, who I wanted to murder. We all do. Because he was so fucking late every day, and we all had to do this shit together. Oh, that's his least problem. And as comedians, we're not used to any of that anyway. I don't want to rely on you or you or you. I just want to do my shit and leave.
Starting point is 00:52:51 Why do you have to wait for him, though? Well, because it would be like a taping thing and we're doing an intro thing for the stupid special HBO, whatever they made us monkey do, monkey, you know, monkey behave. Those you can bang your symbols. Fine. Fine. Chappelle made it. Right.
Starting point is 00:53:06 He's had 18 bags of weed. And he's fucking here. Yes. He is fucking here. Like, come on, man. Yeah. Come on, Jeff. And then he would show up like laughing.
Starting point is 00:53:15 He's making that face when he shows up late. Yeah, you're an hour and a half late. It's hilarious. It's hilarious. Well, at least he's gotten funnier. All right. I know, whatever. Love you, Jeff.
Starting point is 00:53:27 But you can't be late like that. It's not nice. No, it is not. I would say punctuality is at the top. It's just disrespect. Disrespectful. Yes. If I have friends who are late, I make comments of it.
Starting point is 00:53:38 I got into a big fight with a close friend of mine because he was late, like repeatedly. And I was like, I said it very respectful. Like, hey, I just, the late thing is. Can't do it. I don't care for it. It's disrespectful. And he pushed back and then while later he was like, you're right. Wow.
Starting point is 00:53:52 Good. But I do think lateness is fucking rude. Without a text. At least give me a text. Yeah. Everybody shit happens. I get it. But every time.
Starting point is 00:53:59 Well, back then, too, he's not just, you know, it doesn't matter about me. but like what about the HBO executive people you're not worried that they'll be mad I don't know but I'm Catholic school rule follower like you give me rules I follow them When it affects other people Yes
Starting point is 00:54:14 If you're just late and it's You're the bad guy whatever But when it affects other people And it does It's annoying It's one of my top I had to sit a friend down But I will say
Starting point is 00:54:24 It was like a family thing His whole family is always late So they run like that And he was like When he get real nervous he'd go like this, he'd like pet his own head. He'd be like, I go, Jim, here's the thing. I can't, you
Starting point is 00:54:39 can always be 10 minutes late with me. Maybe 15. 30? No. I'm not going to wait anymore. I'm going to drive out to the Brea Improv without you. I'm not stopping by while you're fucking iron in your shirt. Is this a comic? Yeah. He was opening for you. Yes. And he was late. And he's a good friend.
Starting point is 00:54:55 That's great. And then they get mad of you. You left me? Like, yeah, motherfucker. You left that. And you're driving your opener. I'm driving him. Yeah. He's on my way. no problem. You're a better person than either of us. One time his roommate answered the door, I'm like, Ty, where's Jim? Oh, I think he's iron in a shirt. Oh.
Starting point is 00:55:12 No, no, no, no, no, no, dude, this is not. But I will say, I had to talk with him, and from that day on, Jim was on time. Okay. I mean, the 9-11 terrorist made it on time. Sometimes you just got to... Some of them. Some of them fucked it up. Oh, is that right? I think some people overslay. Sometimes you just kind of let people know it bothers you. Sure. Maybe it didn't buy... Because Jim's like, my whole family's late
Starting point is 00:55:32 all the time. Like, nobody thinks anything of it. I'm like, well, the rest of the world isn't necessarily, um, on board with that. Yeah. But he'd made awesome adjustments. So just when you think you can't do it anymore, just tell them. Oh, when people are OCD and they're like, oh, I'm, I'm, I'm, I don't give a shit. Oh, I don't. Wash your hands 14 times before you meet you. Yeah. Before you're supposed to meet me. How about that? Exactly. There's a famous story about a guy. Show up with a wrinkled fucking shirt. I don't give a shit. Yeah, I love a wrinkled shirt. There's a story about a guy. We're at the Irvine and Krov. Does anyone care?
Starting point is 00:56:03 Yeah. No. No. We're doing a benefit for Tippy Hedron and her weird animals. Just get in the car. Get in the car. Which one is Tippy Hendon again? She's Melanie Griffith's mom.
Starting point is 00:56:13 She was the lady in the bird. The birds. God, that is a whole lineage of famous hot chicks, huh? Yeah. He grew up with like lions and tigers in the house. Really? Melanie Griffin is so hot. Can you pull up a picture of Melanie Griffin?
Starting point is 00:56:26 Dude, something wild. You like that one? Ray Leota? That's a wreck. Very attractive. If you haven't seen something wild, Ray Liotta, Jeff Daniels, Melanie Griffith. Great fucking movie. It's Jonathan Demi, too, who did Saunders of the Lambs.
Starting point is 00:56:39 It's fucking awesome movie. Holy shit. There, it's a swimming pool. That is not fun. That's Melanie Griffin. Yeah, but that will prepare you well for Hollywood with dudes trying to grab you like that. That's true. That's Harvey.
Starting point is 00:56:50 There she is. And there's pictures of it in the house. Oh, there it is in the kitchen on the bottom left. To me, that's like... Look at that. That's a nightmare. That's like Tiger King. It was the first Tiger King.
Starting point is 00:57:01 Yeah. This is abusive, I think. I don't. I would have loved it. A tiger? Fuck, yeah. If I was a little kid and somebody told me it was fine. You can't have nice things.
Starting point is 00:57:09 I would trust in my dad's opinion on that. A lion? You smoking? You'd light that they got fire on accident. Eat ash on. Yeah. Or be an excellent ashtray. I don't care for this.
Starting point is 00:57:19 No. So this is the greatest, one of the greatest comic moments I've ever seen somebody fucking do. There's a comic from Houston named Jeff Burckhardt, and he's very funny. And he's very funny. all went out to do this benefit. I didn't even know what it was for. It was one of those last minute calls. Can you guys all just show up with the Irvine Improv? It's for an animal. I did know it was animal based. Like, don't, but Jeff didn't know. And he got there late. And he has like a two-minute bit about running over his neighbor's cat. And he didn't mean to run over the cat. Like it wasn't
Starting point is 00:57:50 like on purpose. But it's kind of funny, like funny that I can't explain. But Tippy Hedron was there. I didn't even know who this person was. She stands up. and bangs her glass with a spoon, like we're at some sort of royal reception, and says, remove this man from stage. Whoa. Like, she's a queen of something. And all of the comics and they're like,
Starting point is 00:58:12 who's that? And they're like, it's a tippy headrant, like Melanie Griffith's mom. Like, she was probably 80 at the time. Oh, my God. And he's like, I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not getting off stage. She goes on stage and tries to grab the mic out of his hand. He goes, oh, no.
Starting point is 00:58:28 Do you know how many open mic nights you need to go? to get a hold of this mic lady. You need to go and he gives her this laundry list of what you need to do to be a comedian. And he walks, she then went to the improv on Melrose the following day and told Bud Freeman she wanted him fired from every club, which, you know, Bud doesn't even know who we're talking about. Sure, sure. Well, I'll look into it. What's his name? You know, I'm like, well, it was Jeff Burckhart.
Starting point is 00:58:51 They should have thrown like 50 birds at her. She was very mad, but it's like, lady, it's just a joke about running over a cat. Like, I don't know. When you hit her cat, you're going to wreck your fucking. Yeah, your little Prius is going to be a piece of shit. Freeman's like, can we remove this lady real quick? Yeah, fucking kook. Wow, what a nut.
Starting point is 00:59:09 Yeah. Entitlement. She grew up with all that. She still has, if we Google, L.A. Tippy Hedron Animal Park. She's still. She's still cooking? I don't know that she's still alive, but the park is. You can spend the night there.
Starting point is 00:59:23 Weird. It's, we got a hobo that here. Look at that. She's so pretty. What? Lily Tomlin. Love her. I love Lily Tomlin.
Starting point is 00:59:33 Wow, they love pussy. All these love movies. Okay. Look how pretty she still is, though. She looks amazing. Oh, my God, beautiful. Gorgeous. Remember in Nashville?
Starting point is 00:59:41 She was hot, dude. Oh, yeah. Nashville. In what? Remember the movie Nashville, Robert Olman movie? Great flick. Never saw it. From the 70s?
Starting point is 00:59:49 Oh, my God. You'd like it. Musical, but it's like dark and fucking seedy about showbiz. It's awesome. Yeah. I didn't realize how much Melanie looks like her until I just saw that. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:59 They've got some hot jeans in that family. Big jeans. Who was the dad? Good question. Was he someone famous? I hope he liked animals. Oh my God, can you imagine she doesn't drop this? You get married?
Starting point is 01:00:11 By the way, I want tigers in the house. You're like, fuck. I hope you're not allergic to cats. Yeah. Because there's a lot of cat. Who? Tiff's husband, sorry. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:22 Husband. Oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Very handsome. Oh. Now, keeping in your pants. Alacus Jesus.
Starting point is 01:00:30 Who is he? Peter Griffith. Oh, Peter Griffith. And her brother was baby Stewie. Huh. How about the... Well, he's cute, too. There you go.
Starting point is 01:00:43 Cute kids. Mm. Melanie Griffith had a hot chick run. Oh, milk money. For sure. Oh, my God. Don't get me started on that. Charming, too.
Starting point is 01:00:52 Like, very cool. Yeah. Cool gal. You know she was like 16 in that movie Night Moves with Gene Hackman? Pull it up. Gene Hackman was probably 68 It's a good flesh And nobody cared
Starting point is 01:01:03 Simple a time No he was pretty young in that That was like 70s He was pretty young yeah I mean poor Gene Hackman Jesus Christ Brue I mean it's like one
Starting point is 01:01:10 You make it to 95 Whatever the hell he was And then you just die like that What the fuck? What happened again? You don't think about that do you But like that You die alone
Starting point is 01:01:21 Some animals gnawing on your fucking skull Yeah But I don't like it If you're thinking if you're Gene Hackman It's not a rat It might be your cat. Yeah. Oh, thank God she didn't die in her home.
Starting point is 01:01:33 She'd be mauled to death. Well, those big pumas. That was a weird, weird death. What happened again? Heart attack? Well, I think she was his caretaker, and he must have some sort of dementia, and she died. She died. And then he had no one to take, and he, yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:49 Oh, God, almighty. Not good. Yeah, hope for federal. How about, though, when somebody has dementia, if I'm the caretaker, I have a checker in her every day, just in case something happens in me. What happened to that, like, plan? Yeah, good point. Like, because if I go, he'll be apes shit and not know anything.
Starting point is 01:02:05 I don't know. There should have been Catholic rule follower. I would have a backup plan. He was a fucking ledge. I love, I love Jim Ackman. Popeye Doyle, baby. Oh, man, French connection? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:18 Fuck, yeah. Now, how are you dealing with all this new age comedy shit with the clips and the pods and the editing? I love the podcast. All right. I love them all. I just saw you, which part do you just saw you on something recently?
Starting point is 01:02:30 Bert. Bert. It was something else too. Oh, Bert. I don't know. I did a bunch. Tom, Papa. That's what it was.
Starting point is 01:02:38 I'm really close with Tom. Yeah, he's a great guy. We love Bird and Tom. They're both great. I love the podcast part. I don't really get the post-the-clip of me dealing with a heckler thing. It's just engagement. You don't have to burn material.
Starting point is 01:02:53 Yeah, just the way to. But the whole burn material thing, I think, is just an, an idiotic argument. Do you think because I have done a million jokes, I have a regurgitated set of Olympic jokes that I've done on like 100 shows and nobody knows it except me
Starting point is 01:03:08 and one guy Bob. Bob has booked me doing it numerous times. But they're funny enough, it works, you know, for the time, it's a timing thing. Sure, yeah. I can see Olympics. Like you bring them back. And then it looks like I just wrote it all yesterday, but it's 10 years or whatever. I love when that happens. I have done a million jokes on TV.
Starting point is 01:03:22 Do people not come anymore because they've seen it? Of course not. I just think there's a pressure now, though, that you really have to just turn over hours, like, never before. Well, that is weird. Yeah. It is weird, but I think that is the expectation. Like, I did a show at the Chicago Theater recently, and I got all, I thought it went really well. This guy wrote me this long message.
Starting point is 01:03:40 Like, I'm so disappointed that I've heard that closer before. Oh my God. And I was like, I don't know what the fuck you want me to tell. It was like, I think like 50 new minutes before that. Yeah, exactly. And you want to end strong. It's a closer. And the show went well.
Starting point is 01:03:55 It's like, when you get off of you're like, that was good. good. Yeah. And I'm hard on myself. I'm like, I know when it's bad, but yeah, you know,
Starting point is 01:03:59 people. I don't think seeing someone deal with a heckler is going to propel me to want to go buy a ticket to see them. Interesting. I need to see what are you doing that would make me, there's a big difference between I'll follow you on TikTok, I'll follow you on Instagram,
Starting point is 01:04:15 or I'm going online to ticket master and buying a ticket or a club, like whatever. It's a, there's another level there to push you over the edge to do that. Even as like a, like I love music. more than comedy. But music-wise... What should, give us some music, Rex?
Starting point is 01:04:31 I love Ella Langley right now. Okay. I don't know Ella Langley. Oh, my God. Choose in Texas is like the biggest song that's happening right now. Really? She's country, but she almost sounds old school. Yeah. Ella, like old school. I love... She's super pretty.
Starting point is 01:04:47 Oh, I want to see. I want to hear. But her, this song, can we play this? Yeah. Yeah. I love that twang. And she's got a deep, like, smoky... Hubba, hubba. So her?
Starting point is 01:05:15 I like it. I love Morgan Wallen. Sure, sure. God's country. He's each tan a sheet. Yeah. This is so... The whole album.
Starting point is 01:05:27 Great. Pipes. Yeah, I like it. And not easy on the eyes. Mm-hmm. I can tell my... So you're a country gal. Not really. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:40 But I live in Nashville, so I'm surrounded by it. You can't... Were you always in Nashville? No. I'm from St. Louis. I went to L.A. for 20 years. You were in L.A. for 20 years. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:49 Jesus. Ten at the beach with all the beach comics. Venice? Daniel Tash. Oh, hell, yeah. We were the Redondo Hermosa group. Oh, that's living out there. Did you like it out there?
Starting point is 01:06:00 We had a blast. Well, I loved the beach. But then eventually the traffic got so. bad you can't get in and sure so I just bit the bullet moved into West Hollywood I'm like okay I'm right here I thought comedy comedy stores right there
Starting point is 01:06:10 laugh factory's right there you know it's all a mile away improv I hated it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I don't miss one thing except Barney's beanery I love Barney's because everyone in there was normal and wanted to watch sports so it was a ton of like East Coast and Midwest people not the California cocktail crowd or whatever you want to call
Starting point is 01:06:29 too real for L.A. Can we just turn on the fucking Black Hawk game. I mean, no. There's nowhere else they won't even have a... Do you Chicago for hockey? Well, no, I'm blues, but they were playing them at the time. Usually it was the Black Hawk's blues. But like, you'd go to these other bars and there's like
Starting point is 01:06:45 the Super Bowl will be on and they don't have a fucking TV. Oh, crazy. No, I'm not meeting you for drinks. No, that's Super Bowl. Like, there was just that dense... I would never feel that way in Chicago or New York. Sure. Chicago's an underrated, also an underrated drinking city. It's underrated drinking.
Starting point is 01:07:03 And it's mostly beer and whiskey, like solid old school stuff, not weird drinks. And just great food and good vibes. Great food, super nice people. Underrated City, Chicago. And sports fans will die for their sports. Like, even, I don't know, like, I love the 49ers, but I feel like, if I'm in San Francisco and you're walking around downtown, you may not know the 49ers. Interesting. I don't feel it.
Starting point is 01:07:25 All right. I feel it. LA. I think they're good with the Warriors, but you might be right about the Niners, yeah. Well, and then they move too far south. I know. It's really Sanhous. And also the Warriors, they just spoiled the fuck out of that city.
Starting point is 01:07:36 Ford championships in like 10 years. I mean, that was crazy. Yeah, then it just becomes boring. Yeah, you just, I don't know. You're spoiled. And then I moved to Nashville like 11 years ago. I left L.A. I'm like, you know, I don't need to live here.
Starting point is 01:07:47 All the late night shows moved here. So what am I doing here? Because I used to go on the sign show a lot. Yeah. And then if somebody fell out, they knew they could just call. Wow. I'll go over there and do that. Conan was there.
Starting point is 01:07:58 Everybody was there. And then they all just kind of started dropping off. I'm like, I don't have to live here anymore. I'm going to sell this house. Good for you. You're one of the first, I feel like, because a lot of people with COVID moves. Oh, I left way before going. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:11 But I thought it was getting weird. Like, there was a guy going through my trash. And I went out to, like, go, dude, if you just tell me what you want. So Warren Hutcherson. I'll actually save it. I'll save it for you. Tell me what you want. And the dude growled at me.
Starting point is 01:08:26 Whoa. Okay. I'm out. Like, I don't even know what that meant. But I've never seen a human growl. That's crazy. And I was like, I'll save you, what do you want? Cairns bottle.
Starting point is 01:08:38 Like, I don't know what you're looking for. But instead of throwing trash all in my yard, how about I just save it for you? Yeah. I was like, I'm out. And Dorf, Zanis, Dorff was like, Nashville, Maddie. Because I wanted to be able to drive to my parents. They were getting old. And I'm like, if shit goes weird, I don't want to be a flight away.
Starting point is 01:08:55 How far, how far a drive is that? Four and a half to St. Louis, all said and done. It's so funny that comedy people, influence. Because I moved downtown in the city because of Liz at the cellar. And Tom Papa, actually, Liz was like, you guys just fucking move downtown. And Tom Papa was like, you got to live in the village.
Starting point is 01:09:11 Move to the village. And it was like those hangouts back to back. I was like, fuck it. I'm actually, I just moved down. That's a message from Jesus. It was. It was. It was. It was. Super. Yeah. But Dorff Dorff's like, man, you could golf
Starting point is 01:09:25 every day. We can go fishing every day. I go, what lake? And he goes, just right. by the airport. I go, I've been coming here 20 years, or if he always took me golfing. I go, you never took me fishing. I don't know if there's a lake here. He's like, yeah, it's five minutes from the golf course. And so I could have recruited me this whole time. Yeah, we could have been fishing versus golf or both. But I do you fish a lot? Yeah, every day. Well, I mean, not when it's freezing. But I built a house on that lake. I'm eight
Starting point is 01:09:54 minutes from the airport, 15 minutes from downtown and five minutes from Dorff. Oh. What's your, yeah, what's your situation like? What kind of house are you in? What's the address? I don't know. I found it online. It was somewhere in the Northwest, and I just asked a builder,
Starting point is 01:10:07 can you just make that? And he was like, yeah. And he was drunk every day. Hell yeah. Every day he showed up with his dog and a big thing of Jack and Coke. He was hammered. It's the most well-built house.
Starting point is 01:10:19 Damn, stairs are like this. I was like, imagine what Doug could have done sober. Like, I love this house. And even dudes will walk in and they'll start stomping and banging on shit. Well-built house, Kathleen. Well-billed house. I didn't even ask. Unsolicited.
Starting point is 01:10:31 So I don't know. I just lucked out. I'm right by Dorf, and I see him, like, at least, well, when the weather's nice, we golf probably three times a week. Do you get a word in? And he's there. I know Dorff. He's a talker.
Starting point is 01:10:45 He's a talker. He's a talker. He's a talker. He's what a man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man. I'm like, dude, you're like a, because my sister goes, what's your deal with him? I go, he is like having a 16-year-old friend that's a guy. Every woman needs that guy. He wants to golf fish.
Starting point is 01:11:01 and smash beer cans on our heads. And sometimes I feel like that. Not all the time. I don't want to be married to Dorf. No. But as somebody in the phone, you want to go downtown right now and go see jelly roll? Fuck yeah, Maddie. Oh, that's great.
Starting point is 01:11:14 He's a go or he's a do or he's a, I like it. How the hell do you, you got like so many specials? How do you write all that material? What's your move? Yeah, you are prolific. And you don't get your due. People say that, but I don't. You do.
Starting point is 01:11:26 She's a fucking. No. No, I do not. Like, we got a great one right here. There's so many. that's under 30 that says they're doing their fourth special. I'm like, really? As a comedian,
Starting point is 01:11:38 somebody yelled, like, Kathleen, you haven't had a special in whatever it was, three years. I'm like, Charday, after her hit, didn't have an album for 21 years. Wow.
Starting point is 01:11:50 You're supposed to... But you are prolific, I think. How many specials you got? Pull it up. But we got IMDB here. I don't know. It's got to be over 10, right? Well, hours?
Starting point is 01:12:01 Yeah. Or half hours. Well, let's say half hour. I don't know. Either way, it's a lot. Well, if you combine, there's probably seven hour ones. I don't know. And then the half hour ones.
Starting point is 01:12:13 That counts. We'll add two of those up. We get another hour. Yeah. But you figure, you know, that's, I don't know, one every three years. That's about right. That's rare. I think it takes three years to do it correctly.
Starting point is 01:12:28 In my opinion, for me. For me. Same. I don't know, but I'm friends with Ronan Hirshberg. Ronan could write an hour in his sleep, and I still like it. He's great. He's a great writer. He's a very good writer.
Starting point is 01:12:39 He's smart. And every, I can't do that. We talked about him. We were in, I don't know, we were hanging in Nashville. He's a kind of. Shane was fucking hand in Bud Lights. We're at that post Malone thing. That was fun as hell.
Starting point is 01:12:52 Oh, wow. That was great. His album release. Yeah. It looks like six or seven. Wow. And that's not even including the half hours. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:59 Oh, my Lord. So, yeah, that's a lot. I think every comic's different. I think you know when something's ready. And I think sometimes it takes you two years and sometimes it takes you four years. But I also think that's why it's terrible when Netflix is putting these time limits on people and says, you're going to give me three specials. That's crazy. But that's why we know when you click on somebody we all like, I won't name names where you're like, that was half ass.
Starting point is 01:13:22 Because he didn't have enough time. Sure. He was under some weird pressure. And then you just turn it in because the money was good. Yes, that happens all the time. I get it. But I wouldn't do it. I would say no.
Starting point is 01:13:34 I could name a... I would be embarrassed. Five comics who had a great opening special. Their debut was amazing. And then the heat was so pressured that the second one sucked. There's one I know right now. Yeah. And it makes me sad because I know that person, if he wasn't pressured and he was given more time,
Starting point is 01:13:49 the second one would have been great too. It's tough. You know that, Lewis? But I think also the Torin is good. I mean, that's the other thing. It's like, touring's fun. You got to get up. You have to, I mean, I do love, I mean, I just did Europe in October and you're like, let's see if these work here.
Starting point is 01:14:07 It's a fun thing. It's like a puzzle. Yeah, you're like kind of running through the mud. The only joke that didn't work in Europe was I had like a health care joke that was kind of specific to the U.S. But other than that, everything hit. Yeah. Liberty? No, that's an old joke.
Starting point is 01:14:20 I had a joke about how Amazon was doing discount checkups and I say that's how fucked we are in America that Amazon's trying to help. I said we're like a year away from, hey, what's your health insurance? I'm with a draft king Silver Leaf Premiere. And like, are they good? Yeah, with the flu shot, you get 20 bucks in bonus bets. But that's not like, they don't have draft kings in Europe. So they didn't get, but I'm like, I still like the joke. I'll still put it in the special, but it's like, you know.
Starting point is 01:14:43 That's a, yeah, that's. It's very specific to America. Yes. And they'll get it when the special goes over there. They'll figure it out. Yeah. And also, like, you know what? If there's one of those and I like it, it's fine.
Starting point is 01:14:55 If there's like five of those, then it's a problem. Sure. You know. I think there's too much pressure. on some of these people where I'm like, oh, here's another special. Really? We just saw one eight months ago. If it's all you do.
Starting point is 01:15:09 How'd you do that? It's also different. Like when Mark and I started, you know, obviously when you started, but like I remember we talk about this all the time. Mark and I just had meat in the coffee shop and just bounce bits. We didn't have pods. No, the whole day. We were just, all we did was stand up.
Starting point is 01:15:22 Yeah. We didn't have people asking for scripts for a show. We were literally only doing stand-up. Now there's other shit. You know, you're a dad. And there's career stuff. Edding. Edding.
Starting point is 01:15:33 You need a social media manager. It becomes another job. We have a whole thing. And this is still number one, but holy shit, I wish I had more time. Sometimes I have to just be like, please don't contact me to people. Or like, I'm putting my phone in the other room. I need a topical joke. They're also totally different audiences.
Starting point is 01:15:49 Like, I do my Madigan's podcast. People come to shows and they're like, yeah, I didn't even know you were a comedian. We get it all the time that people didn't know we did a podcast. I know. Or they don't know you do this. Yes. But the podcast people are very specific and very different than the stand-up fans. Very rarely are they crossing.
Starting point is 01:16:10 So it's like if you do a podcast that people like, then there's a whole other audience waiting out there to be had. Totally. But it's a second job. Yeah, but it's another thing. I don't feel like doing it every week. I love doing it. But when I'm swamped and the road is in a churning spin and I'm going to go and like the Amazon special. So, you know, I actually participate in all that.
Starting point is 01:16:30 Like, I pick the headshot. I tell them, I give them, I edit it myself. Right. I don't do the real, but I tell them where. Sure, sure. Yeah. Like, I'm involved. So I'm busy and then, but it's almost like if you don't, I don't know, I just think you're
Starting point is 01:16:45 going to fall off the map. You got to stay. You got to stay in shape. But I will say, I don't realize how busy we all are until I get like a cold or something. And I'm like, fuck, I guess I do a lot. You got a shit on a ton of your plate. You get sick and you're like, oh, shit.
Starting point is 01:16:57 doing this like yeah who's going to do all that I was supposed to do today yeah yeah fuck I always put stand up first though it would have been better to just be like Ron White he was famous for the time he was famous he'll always be famous within a certain group in America that loves Ron and and he can do a casino he sells everything out to this day and he does nothing aside from that golf well yeah he's also yeah he's a type of guy that might have been grandfathered in a little bit That's what I'm saying. He's very bothered into if you became a big enough star in your time, whatever time frame that was, you can still run off that. Yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 01:17:36 Ron's 70. People that come to casinos are still 70. He can do every casino in America. But he can still sell hard tickets. Like Knoxville, he sold out two shows. I mean. Nice. And he is right new jokes.
Starting point is 01:17:46 He's going out of the... That theater in Knoxville is one of the best in the country, I think. The Biju. The Biju and Knoxville. Yeah, that's a good role. I think that's one of the... Yeah, like he's in the... I'm in the bijo.
Starting point is 01:17:56 He's in the... big big. Oh, wow. Okay. That's a great theater. Knoxville is a great city. It's fun. I was there when College Game Day was there. Whoa. I've never seen that much excitement in a town. I've also never seen that many blue-tick hounds because that's our mascot.
Starting point is 01:18:11 But you're allowed to bring yours? I thought that was a slur. No. I was so excited. I love a hound more than anything. And I'm like, fuck. There's like a million of them. You're allowed to bring it to the game.
Starting point is 01:18:21 Pull up a blue-tick hound. I don't know what that is. Oh, my God. It's so cute. It looks like a be-a-hawn. mixed with an Australian That? Yeah
Starting point is 01:18:29 Oh, that was like You're a coo now No, no Can you click on the middle one? That's like, no, next one The other side Other side.
Starting point is 01:18:37 Yeah, that guy. Those are like very All-American. Yeah, it's like a hunting dog. He's a hunting dog, yeah. But they're just,
Starting point is 01:18:44 they're also like super spoony like beagles like they're But Knoxville Oh, come on. That thing will fetch a duck for you.
Starting point is 01:18:54 How cute is he? Such a proud looking face. Yeah. I killed all the chickens, bitches. I killed all the chickens. Look how cute. Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want those chickens? Because I already ate them. Who does he look like? Reagan? I can't put a face on it. Lyndon Johnson. Thank you. That's it. We got there. All right. So where are you going to be there, mad dog? Oh my gosh. Well, that's next weekend. Chattanooga, Knoxville. You're all over T.N.
Starting point is 01:19:20 Chattanooga, Knoxville. Leanne Martin's husband is coming to see me. I'm very excited. I'm his favorite comedian. Oh, really? Chuck Morgan. Whoa. Morgan's husband. She's like, well, you get a picture made with my husband. You're his favorite comedian.
Starting point is 01:19:33 I'm like, really? Because I'm, you know, I'm cussing. I'm not dirty, but I cuss. And I, you know, I'm, yeah, I wouldn't think I would be in that valleyway. But I was very happy that I am. She's killing. She's killing. Great City.
Starting point is 01:19:47 Up and coming. Nobody gives it any love. They say it's one of the best bang for the buck cities. That is Charlotte, they say. Oh, but Charlotte's almost already gone with the kids. They've already bought everything. Orangeville's got the Von Braun exhibit. Yeah, all the NASA shit, the Nazis went there for NASA.
Starting point is 01:20:04 That's what we used the villains for our old school. You can tell it's still kind of a dumb museum because they still have a pop a shot in there. There's like a basketball thing. You're like, all right. Luttsville, Atlanta, Pittsburgh, and Cleveland. Good times. Boy, you've got quite a run. These are big theater.
Starting point is 01:20:20 Good for you. Kathleen, great comic. Every, dude, seriously, prolific, funny, killer. There's my podcast. Madigan's Pubcast. I drink and I talk about fringe stories. I don't have any guests. I had Ron one time and they all hated it.
Starting point is 01:20:34 They didn't hate Ron. They just didn't like. They have a guest. Yeah. They were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no thanks. Got it. Are those are supposed to be, I was told by many people, those are supposed to be special episodes.
Starting point is 01:20:46 Okay. So you can choose to want to listen to around my for an hour. Never thought about that. Me neither. Read the comments. Sometimes they're helpful. even if they're a little hype. I agree. I agree.
Starting point is 01:20:59 Okay, where am I going to be? Starting the 18th here. What? 20th? Excuse me. What? 20 who? There it is.
Starting point is 01:21:06 Grand Rott. I'm in Oregon. It's some casino, Spirit Mountain, and New Brunswick. We're back at the Stress Factory, baby. I think that's sold out. San Antonio. And I think they're selling bodega cat now. Yes.
Starting point is 01:21:16 San Antonio, L.O.L. Tulsa, Oklahoma. Flagst have Arizona. And another casino, Swaharita, Arizona. Indianapolis. and Buffalo, Portland, Maine, and Lexington, Kentucky, Province, Rhode Island, Dania Beach, Fort Lauderdale, Rale. What else you got, Samo?
Starting point is 01:21:35 Oh, my gosh. I got, I don't know, you got to pull me up here. When does this come out? Eight to 28, 18. All right, so, yeah, I got, oh, uh. The first one. Yeah, we just added a couple nights. I'm just doing some clubs in Chicago because I was in the...
Starting point is 01:21:49 Chicago. It was just there. So, yeah, Rosemont on the fourth, and we got, I think those are all sold out. And then we got Stanford, Connecticut. That's fun. And Providence. I think they're also now. So we'll add a late Thursday in Providence.
Starting point is 01:22:00 And then taping a special in Tampa February 27th. And we just added 26. So I'm going to do three shows. But I'm not adding a fourth. So get on that third show. It's at 8.30. There's not even an option to add a fourth. I want to get it in three.
Starting point is 01:22:13 Tampa Theater, February 26 and 27th. Only the 26 is available. So please buy those tickets at punchup. dot live slash Sam Morrell slash tickets or just go to my website. Get yourself a blue-tick cude-hound and check out Madigan on the road. Get some bodega cat. Bodega Cat. I just dropped the bottle off at Balabusta on Hudson Street in the village.
Starting point is 01:22:33 So hopefully we get in there. Hopefully we're in at Analog soon. We're in a Martuzi, Strip House comedy, so all over the country too. So please get on Bodega Cat Instagram message, Bodega Cat Whiskey. So you're taping a special. One was the last one? A couple years. So two years.
Starting point is 01:22:53 That's fair. That's fair. That should be fine. Yep. Yeah, I think it's going to be good. It should be fine. It'll be a fine special. It should be fine.
Starting point is 01:23:02 Like, it's not weird. It's fine. No, two years is all right. I feel pretty good. Yeah, I got some good bits in there. There you go. I hope so. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:11 Don't close with that same one at Manhame. Oh. I'm going to read a letter. I am. I am. I can get more hate mail. Fuck you, dude. I'm closing on that bit.
Starting point is 01:23:19 Eat shit. I'm so disappointed. Thank you, Kelly.

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