We Might Be Drunk - Ep 275: Simon Rex - Mark Normand & Sam Morril

Episode Date: March 16, 2026

Simon Rex subs in after a mystery guest gets pulled. Mark, Sam, and Simon riff on bad gigs, Oscar picks, Scary Movie, Charlie Sheen, Tupac, Michael Jordan, war movies, bathhouses, weird pet peeves, and Simon’s latest movie projects, with plenty of chaos about PR teams, naps, shrimp tails, and why some people absolutely cannot handle a fart. Operation Taco Gary's: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RWJfeKsSS0 Sponsored by: Willie’s Remedy Order now at https://drinkwillies.com and use code WMBD for 20% off your first order + free shipping on orders over $95, and enjoy life in the high country. Pestie Bugs hate to see you coming with Pestie. Go to https://pestie.com/MIGHTBEDRUNK for 10% off your order. Hims To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/DRUNK Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #SimonRex #WilliesRemedy #Pestie #Hims #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, man. Hey, we're here. We might be drunk, folks. I might be hung over. Oh, good. Well, let's see. You're in the right place. I'm feeling it, dude.

We can have a cocktail. Wow, look at that. Noir, Florida. You're a good photographer, buddy. Thanks, ma'am. Love the lights. Love the sold out. Great.

Three shows in the Tampa Theater. Wow, look at that suit. Yeah, we had a good time, man. Wow, that's a great shot. Yeah, he got some great shots. I was, I would say, I feel like I got it Thursday, so first show, we have three shows. two Friday, one Thursday. I was like, I got it Thursday.

And then the early show Friday was even better. And I was like, oh, that's the, I'm not going to top that show. And I was right. The late show Friday was a little stiff. Not bad, but not like at the level. Yeah. Early show, I was like, oh, this is what I want on every joke. That's nice.

Nice to get it early, too. Yes. Because I've had the one where you get it on the last show and you're like, thank God, we got that one. I know. Yeah, I was, I was, I started definitely pounding a little more bodega cat in between those shows because I'm good. Yeah, yeah.

Does that affect your performance if the crowd isn't, giving you of course yeah I mean if you're fucking a girl when she's just laying there it ain't great that's perfect you almost rather faking because at least then it gets your ego up although Cosby is probably the same either way because he's kind of a slow sit on a stool type of guy

so either way it's like I don't need any energy I can handle this yeah yeah but yeah man I think uh yeah I need energy I need I mean it's so and and yeah I slow down when they're slow and then you just kind of get worse laughs I think You can't really build momentum. Right. We made the mistake of then going too fast.

Either way, it adapts. It's not good. Now, what is this? Like, your sixth hour? Something like that. I don't know. Do you have any taping nerves still? None, dude.

That's nice. I do feel like with this one, I ran it so much leading into it that it got like, so I started Carnegie Hall in December, and I feel like it's, my friend saw it in Stanford like two weeks ago. And he was like, oh, it's like a different hour. It's so, he's like, you cut so much fat. So, you know, you do like eight hours, nine hours a week on the road and just keep running. it and you're like, oh, I'm, you keep believing in that one or two lines that aren't hitting.

Right. And you're like, I like, I like that line. But then you're like, let me just try a different line once and you replace it and it's better. And you're like, fuck, I should have done that a month ago. Totally. You get married to dumb lines. I know. That you're like, that's a good line.

And it's not. But you ever have that thing on Reddit where someone's like, they quote one of the lines and you're like, that's the one else like that's the one else like that was for that one guy? I'll keep a couple. Okay. Okay. You can only have a couple. Once you, once you do too many of those, you become a shitty comic. That's a good point.

Because you're just like, yeah, this specials for me. Yeah, it's a fun. We did a little far as Marvite. Look at that. He looked 10 feet tall there. Yeah, I should have gotten those pants taken in one more time. I think it's a look. I like it.

It's a look. A little baggy. A little, like, what do you call that? Like old Hollywood suits. Yeah, exactly. And look at this. Hey. Oh, yeah, Swordson and Vita.

We end up having like a three hour breakfast the morning of. I love a three hour breakfast. Love it. Yeah, I love when the vibes are so good and no one wants to leave. Yes, yes. That's a real comedy thing. Like, I'll get in a green room. I never want to leave it.

I know. He wants us to do a comedy cruise. He was like, let's do a comedy cruise. It's the only sober guy I know that wants to go on a fucking boat. Right. And he was like, would you do it? And I'm like, honestly, no. And then he told me he asked Jessel Neck and he said, I'd need Saudi money.

That's a great line. Saudi on the seas. But I was like, dude, I hate, I'm not a boat. You hate boats, right? I've done two of them, and I get stir crazy. Just staring out that little porthole looking at just vast ocean. Who the hell's this? Cut it

Yeah, the crews I did the Burt one And I just drank the whole time That's how I got through it Oh God It's brutal And the hang helps Well they asked me to do Burtz

His manager was a lot And she was like Demanding I give an answer A year out Whether or not I did it And I was puking It was I had gone out With Julian Edelman the night before

We were getting It was like the last night Of our podcast together We got fucking blitzed I remember this night I was puking all day And she goes I need an answer today

And I was like Well, if it's today, it's no. I'm not going to agree to a Burt Cruz while I'm puking. It's not happening. Yeah, exactly. That's like going on Epstein's Island while I'm at a playground. Okay. But, yeah, that's enough.

Bert's doing another thing in the Ozarks. What? Yeah, it's called Comedy on the Lake. And they needed an answer. And I was like, ah, and I was hung up. One Plus 1 equals more of the greatest stories. The Hulu on Disney Plus. Stories About Survivors.

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We'd love to talk. Business. Over. And I was like, I don't know if I could do it. Comedy on the lakes. A lot of meth in those parts. Oh, yeah. But it's one show and just party on a lake.

on a boat, you know, water world, whatever the hell. And I just was like, I got a kid now. I don't know. I can't be drowning in an ocean or a lake while hung over. I never thought I'd see the day. I know. Mark turned down a gig. We need confetti to fall down.

Yes. Well, I had a ton of other gigs around. It was too much. There you go, Peters. Timing. Comedy's all about timing. Yeah, turn it down. But remember in Dublin for that festival, we'd meet you, Colin Quinn.

Nate. We'd all meet for breakfast. Chrissy D. Rachel. We'd spend five hours of this diner. We ended up in this really nice museum. Oh. We were like the trashy Americans there where Chris DeStefano just lets out the loudest fart.

And everyone just stares at us and we all started laughing. Yeah. And we're like, wow, we do not belong in any sophisticated places. It stunk, too. I remember that fart, too. That was a crazy American turd. Oh, I just realized something. I just heard your whole act for the first time in a long time.

Yeah. This weekend. You have an Anne Frank bit. Yeah. And you have an Anne Frank bit. Well, she's a very popular comedy person. She's mentioned a lot. She paid her due so that we could all talk about it.

Yeah. Good writer, good writer. Game recognized game. Hell yeah. Love the diary. Big fan. And we've all lived in small apartments. We were like, keep it down up there.

Yeah. My Aunt Frank bit took like eight months to perfect. It was such a weird bit. It took a lot for me, too. It was a blessing that I didn't get led into the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam because being annoyed I couldn't get in. I was like, oh, this is clearly a bit. Right, right. But, yeah, how long's your bit?

30 seconds. It's just a quick, like, two-liner. Yeah, I mean, you got to have everything, man. You go over the whole hour. You're like, that's the crazy thing about taping is you're like, I want this part to pop. I want this part to pop. I have little lines that if they don't get a line, I kind of write off the crowd. Oh, yeah.

I get like a pop from just even a setup that I was like, that should hit. And if it doesn't hit, I'm like, fuck, they're going to be dumb. I know, I have a lot of those, too. You want every line to hit. And they've hit before, so you're like, come on, they hit last time. You got to hit this time. Oh, dude, yeah. But where were you here this weekend?

No, I had a wacky one. I went to, I did Club Shea Shea in Vegas. I can tell you. It's crazy. It's in Vegas. Well, he used to be in L.A., and it got too expensive, so he moved to Vegas. Damn. California's losing ever.

Everybody, dude. They really? Spielberg left, Zuckerberg. Yeah. I heard a baseball player was supposed to sign for San Diego Padres, and he was like, taxes are too high. I'm signing back in Arizona. Whoa.

Like, he turned down a whole state. I'd rather lose. Exactly. I'd rather never win a World Series. Wow. Although these Dodger guys don't give a shit because they're overpaying anyway. But San Diego was a great city. I'd love to live in San Diego, but the taxes, they'd take half of it.

Yeah. It's crazy. We live in New York. I know. It's a nightmare. It's crazy. So how is Shay-Shay? Oh, man, well, first off, I flew to Vegas.

I landed at 1230, and his pod was at 2. So I was like, great, I'll rent a car and buzz right over. Flight delayed. So I was the white guy late to the black pod. Tables have turned, and he was a little miffed, I think. He was annoyed that you were late. I was like 40 minutes late, and he was just sitting there. Like, I got here too, and I'm like, the flight was delayed.

What do you want for me? I flew here for you. He's a pro. He's a whole thing, but he probably would have been like, you should have flown in the night before. for me. I know, I know. But he was cool, and I got to tell you, right when that camera turned on, he was killing. He was charming. He was on. He did his homework. He had great questions for me. I was like, how'd you know that? You misspoke a couple of times, but you have Tourette, so it's not...

I made that joke, too. Yeah, he died. He gave me the hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. I called him Sharpie. I made fun of his Lulu Lemon outfits. And we had a great time. The only thing we got into it on the Black National Anthem. Okay. Because I was like, I think it's weird. Let's come together and have one anthem and he's like, well, let's make a new one. I'm like, well, let's make a new one. I don't like two. And I'm like, what about an Asian anthem? What about a handicap anthem? And he was like, I don't know, you're crazy. But other than that, it was, it was flawless, a lot of laughs. That's huge. That's a big one. We had a good time. And then I got drunk on Cavasier. Yeah. Well, I drank. He didn't. And then, because it's sitting right there.

I told him about Bodega Cat. I wore the Bodega Cat. I wore the Bodega Cat shirt. Ooh. Yeah, so hopefully that helps. I don't know if I've ever been Cavasier drunk. Yeah, it was weird. I started rapping and my dick grew But we had a great time He's a cool dude And a great interviewer I was very impressed

And then What kind of stuff that it was like What's a good question Like he asked me about my bedwetting My childhood Like he's like You must have had trauma If you did this and that

I was like He was like a therapist This guy's a tight end in the NFL And he's like Are you okay? Yeah Yeah I love that

Oh yeah I made some CTE jokes We had a good time Damn he looked I mean look He's a tight end You know Or else was a tight end fucking Aaron Hernandez.

Some hits, I guess, fuck the brain up. I don't know. I don't know enough about it, but goddamn. Well, I choked. No, but, you know, he was hung. He hung himself, yeah. Oh, boy. Andy had a big day.

Oh, really? Well, I'm probably. No, but, no, yeah, he hung himself. Damn. Hernandez was gay. Oh, wow. And he murdered someone in college? A lot going on.

What the fuck? It's almost like too much to keep track of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. And he was a Bronco? No. Sharp was in a Raven. Got it.

But Hernandez was a Patriot. Patriot, damn. You guys from this country. And he killed his girlfriend? He killed a guy. A guy. He was like some gangster shit. I don't know.

But he killed somebody in college, too. I didn't drive by. Really? Yeah, watch the dock. It's insane. Whoa. I did watch. I remember that.

Yeah. He had two kills? Yeah. Damn. More kills and rings. Like three rings. By the way, there was a shooter in Austin. My big tweet was finally

So when at Austin killed, but still just for three people. Wow, that's solid. I had deleted it because I didn't want to get the whole thing started. So you re-told it on the podcast. Yeah. Property of Allah. But yeah. So a great weekend.

I did a rock show at the end of my... So I had an opener, and he's like, I see you're in Vegas. You want to do a stand-up set? I think you did a show with Chris Rock. No, no. I did a show to like a rock club. and then drove to Flagstaff, Arizona, did a show there, and then drove to Tucson, did a casino, and flew home.

Damn. So three nights? Three nights, yeah. A lot of driving. That is a lot. Were you solo? You had something with you. I had an opener with me, but boy, we did it up in Vegas.

Went to bed at 6.30. Just kept gambling. Damn. Which is 9.30 in New York time. What were you playing? Just roulette and blackjack. Just the drinks kept flowing. It was wild.

I don't think I've ever played roulette. What? That's the best game. Is it? Oh, yeah, because there's no math. It's all about the ball. You know, you don't have to, like, do card thinking. I'm so bad at a game.

Once, I get to a point where, like, you know, at a certain point, I'm just like, fuck it all on one hand. I just get bored and I just throw everything down. Yeah. But that's why you lose. I'll be open. I'm like, fuck it, I don't give a shit. Yeah. You just give yourself an allotment.

I'm okay losing this shit. Yes, yes, exactly. But my opener, he's a pro. He was up four grand. What? Yeah, he's good. So, uh, we, we had a nice, like, swingers breakfast, you know, with the sun coming up. It was great.

Damn. Yeah. I remember a town and I pulled an all-nighter like that once, and it was like one of the best nights. Both won like 1,500 or so. Hell yeah. Nice, nice night. Yeah.

Well, Flagstaff, underrated town. I've never been. Crunchy little mountain town in the middle of Arizona. Really cool. I got to do more shit like that. I literally have nothing on my fucking schedule right now. Well, that's like the first time. Take a breather.

I'm taking a breather. Me too. No, you're not. No, no. Later. I got it. I got it. I think it'll be, get some more stories.

you figure like a lot of my act is just me doing dumb drunk shit. Sure. Turn into a story. I'm like, I got to go do some more dumb drunk shit. Hell yeah. Yeah. Helps to make some bad decisions.

My nephew is 16, never had a sip of alcohol. And I'm like, you're fucking crazy. My whole teens, I was drunk. I don't remember any of it. So now we're comparing. We're doing this thing where I'm like, you have no friends. You're a virgin and you play video games all day. And he's like, lay off, man.

Yeah. I'm like, you could use a drink. He hangs himself because you keep saying this to him. Damn, dude. No, I was the same way. I was like, we all got hammered all the time. We were like, we were bad kids. You just were like, that's what you did.

You just got drunk. That's all we had, exactly. And you read all these studies and you're like, it's probably not good for your brain's development to be getting, you know, just pounding 40s when you're 14. That's true. That's true. But if you got no friends. They're still pussies. Yeah.

But he's like, well, it's, I'm not a very social guy. I'm like, I'm not either. That's why I drank. So, like, I'm trying to explain to him that drinking is a way to make friends and meet, meet, meet people get laid maybe Well now he's an alcoholic And it's all thanks to you Yeah he got a DUI recently

But but I'm with you dude Get out there and have some Like you don't have to get fucking lit up But learn your limits man Yes And also if it makes you more social It's better than just hiding behind a screen You don't have to drink

You do other stuff But like you know And you know cocaine heroin There's other stuff you can do with your friends Please And it's healthy Like socializing is good for you So like

I know drinking is unhealthy Yeah But so is staring at a screen For 10 years Agree. We don't know the mental impact. Exactly. You know.

Exactly. And also, this shit will get you late sometimes. Right, right. There's women out there. Go meet them. It's fun. It's fun to make some mistakes. Exactly.

You're going to have to figure out the balance, though, as a parent. That's true. Are you going to be a strict parent? Are you going to let your kid run wild? Yes. So hard. You stay strict. Like, if he comes home drunk and he's like, you know, falling down, you go, you punish him,

but you also know, like, this is not weird. Like, if you're only two years old, he's already doing that? His first steps, he's. He tripped. That was very Rodney. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I think I drink too much. I took a urine sample. They found an olive in it.

But yeah, yeah. I'm going to go, it's like you catch your kid jerking off. You don't go, what the fuck you do it? You join in and you fucking... Yeah, you show them how to do it. You cup the balls. Huge balls of my son. Really? Huge balls?

Yeah, well, I think the ball bag just comes out the... It comes out full size. out of the gate. Really? The dick grows. Hopefully. Yeah. God,

that's the thing, too, about the balls is like, having two big balls is, it's bad. It's like having massive quads. It just makes the dick look smaller by comparison, you know?

You hear that, Ari? So this is crazy. I was talking to a fellow comedian. I'm not going to say who. And I was like, ah, my kid's dick is tiny. I'm a little worried. And he was like,

my kid's dick is tiny too. I'm worried. I was like, oh, yeah, well, what's your wife do? And he's like, well, she's Asian. And I'm like,

oh, You got to tell me that first. You got an Asian wife. No wonder. You're getting some jeans stuff in there. Are they responsible for the tiny dick or the husbands? That's a good point. I mean,

I don't know. I figure you put some Asian in there. It's going to affect it. And they'll be smart. So it's a good and the bad. Yin and Yang. There's got to be some Asian guys with massive don't. I'm looking at up.

Pull it. And if you do it, don't act like you don't have it bookmarked. But I mean, but then you're like a star. You're like a fucking rock star. That's true. Because you're like,

oh yeah. It's like a mystery. It's like a really good misdirect. Right. You take your pants off and you're like, huh? Yes. It's like a white guy who can dance. Hey.

That's fucking good. That's a good. That looks fake. That's got to be. AI. Asian image. Oh, here we go. Okay.

Dirk Diggle. All right. I mean, it's not the biggest dog. All right. But. It's above average. Long duck dong. That's a joke from the 80s.

Not our joke. So I learned something about the ball sack since we're talking. talking about it. Please. Oh, wow. I like you're saying it like we're an NPR. A lot of people don't know this, but the history of the ball sack. Today, I'm delicious balls.

That seam on your balls is the labia. It just gets sealed up on a guy. All right. I'll see you guys. What the hell are you talking about? They sew it up? No, no, no. It just naturally seals up and that becomes your testicle sack.

But on a lady, that is the labia. It stays open. Holy moly. Crazy. Damn. And the clit is the dick. Gotta be. Gotta be.

Yeah. That's the sensitive area. Exactly. It's like the head of the dick, but super tiny. Whoa. Oh, let me go go big clits. Boy, clits are so annoying. You're like, right when you find the clit.

This is the best people of all times. Right when you find the clit, it's like, go slower, softer. And then after a minute, she's like, go faster, harder. And I'm like, damn, this clit's crazy. You got to figure this thing out. Yeah. It's like a code. Damn, that's a big clit.

That I can find. This is not. You're just giving them work now to blow shit out. Yeah, true. That's huge. That looks like my son's dick. Okay. If you have a really small dick, you should just transition and have like a sick clit.

Sick clit. Now that's the punk band. Sick clit. Sickle. I can't find the cords. This is a mess. Yeah, sick clit. Uh-oh, is he here?

We're now joined by... Who! Simon Rex, baby. We're joined by our buddy three-time... Hey, you got to clap. Okay. Three-time champ here. Yeah.

Me and Ari are the three-time champs. Told Jews. You have a friendly beef about this because he came on after my first one. He was like, fuck you, but it was funny. He's doing a bit. Luckily, he lives in Machu Picchu now. He's doing ayahuasca with a shaman and a bush somewhere. He moved off.

Oh, he did it again. He always goes off. He's a wandering Jew. He just likes to... Us Jews wander. That's true. Moses, the other guy. He looks...

He's looking more and more like Moses. Yeah. Yeah. Moses was a Jew, right? Yeah. Jesus was a Jew. Yeah, dude. Yeah.

All right. This was fun. Harvey. Go to have. Made off. Already more popular than the Gary V. F. Is he...

He's not Jewish. Gary Vee. I don't know. He said he was Greek. He said he was Greek. Ah. So I'm all with not a Jew. He sure it was Greek?

Yeah, it's like, Vich. Well, we don't want to talk about it. Yeah, yeah, because people hated it. We'll keep it moving. It's good to see it, though, dude. Good to be back. Well, we have to say out of the gate, we have a different intro where we're in different

outfits that we should address because we had to scrap an episode for the first time in the show's history. We had a guest who request at the behest, Marimer now, of his PR team that we scrap. Anytime someone opens a message with my PR team, you're not. not a comedian. You've lost the comedian card. He requests that, is that my PR team, okay. I'm a clean comedian. Okay, we've had Jerry on, we've had Nate Bargotsie on, we've had Gaffigan on.

The publicist's on it was like, this is too edgy. Too edgy. I didn't even think it was an edgy up. No, I kept it clean with the guy, pretty much. We won't say who it is. Okay. But you guys can figure it out in the... You probably figure it out, but he said scrap it.

I don't think they'll figure it out. It would hurt his brand, he said. So we had to yank it. So we lost the whole week episode. Yankees. It's annoying. It's a waste of time for everybody. It is a waste of time.

I think that's the thing. He at least addressed in the message, I'm aware, this is a waste you. I'm like, it doesn't make it better. Right, right. You know? I fucked your wife. I know that was a bad thing to do to fuck your wife.

But I want you to know I know it was a bad thing to do. It's like a land acknowledgement. I'm on stolen land. This is horrible. But you're still on there. All right, easy, Billy Elish. Jesus. I think the same PR team who said remove the show or this is the PR team that said,

can you have him on? That's a good point. That's a good point. And I did mention that. And I did mention that to him in the message. I said, just so you know, you asked to come on. Yes. Your people should do their homework.

And you're a comedian on a comedy podcast. What did you think was going to happen? What did you? Was it tell a tubby's Miss Rachel? We're going to be comedians. Well, I'll fill in for them and now we'll have a good time. All right. I didn't know we could ask episodes to be deleted, by the way.

I'm going to call Lewis Go-Gombe. and say, hey, can you scrap the library? I'm kidding, Lewis. Why is this up? Is that, who's that? That's God for you Jibor. Oh, oh. This is actually Lou Alcindor.

Oh, Lou Alcindor. Dead naming him, but it is Cream today. Kareem. Oh, is it, what's his name, scored more points yesterday than Kobe? Yes. Sam out of bio. Which, by the way, it's like a lot of free throws. It wasn't as exciting as Kobe.

It wasn't. Sure. But he did 83 points in the NBA. And his girlfriend is Asia Wilson, who's the best women's player. Wow. They could procreate and make a super baby. Or the baby will come out opposite. It'll be like, you know.

Magic Johnson's kid. That kid is unreal. Do we ever talk about this? But he's like a 6'9 trans kid. So if he did play, if he went to the women's league, he'd dominate. That's true. Why don't they have trans people? I'm sure this has been addressed, but Magic Johnson beat AIDS.

His name's Magic Johnson. Is that his dick? Yeah. Oh, he's just magic. Dick is magic. Yeah. I wouldn't want to be near that wand, but it is a magical. Rwanda Sykes.

I think he's more magic than the dick. Rwanda Sykes. Oh, look at that. Oh, wow. Wow. What a transformation. Wow. Transformation.

Let's transition. Let's keep moving. Transformers. More than meets the AIDS. Oh, what? Okay. What were we talking about? Oh, Bami.

Bam Margera. Bamma. What about? Bamadabio. Outabio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dom by the bio. That's 83 points in the NBA, but, you know, it's against the wizard, so it's really.

By the way, say what you will about Muslims. They will ruin a name. Lou Al-Cindor, cool name. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. What do you, NUHibu-Jabbar? It's a pretty cool name. Then you got a Kareem. Kareem is cool.

That's a cool name. Katz-Stevens, though, is now Yusef Islam. I like cat better. Cat Stevens. Who gets named cat? Cat! I'm going the other way. Yeah, that's a cool name.

There's another one. Cassius Clay is the coolest name all day. Cash is pretty bad ass. No. That's a bodega guy. I'm Mohammed Ali. Hello. That's a bodega guy.

You don't start shit with him late at night. No, no, you know. He's got good falafel. What's his name? We had it right there. Cat. What did you say? His name was Cat.

Spadega Cat Stevens. Hey, I like that. All right. Or in the Middle East, you know, we'll change it up. Oh, yeah, exactly. In the Middle East, this is called illegal. Right. They can't have booze.

Well, dude. Yeah, well, here that. I've not seen the new movie yet. I'm going to watch it. It's all right. I can't wait to watch it. Yep. I'm sorry.

Oh. It's okay. Don't worry. No one watches movies anymore. Like sending a link to a movie and asking somebody to watch it is just. I'm going to watch this week. But it's under 90 minutes. All right.

I promise I'll watch this week. Yeah, no worries. And I always like your work. Thank you, man. This one is. It's like a throwback to early 2000s. Like, dude, where's my car? That era, like Harold and Kumar, and it's basically a conspiracy theory comedy.

You were there. We met up in Charlotte. That was that shoot. With Tony Cavalery. And he steals the movie. He's awesome. For a white guy, it's weird. He stole the movie.

But, no, he, he's hilarious. It's called Operation Taco Garries. I don't know when this airs, but it'll be streaming. The trailer looks great. It's funny. Yeah. And it's on video on demand. I think it'll be Amazon Apple on March 24th.

So anyone out there, get stoned and watched this movie. And we got Jason Biggs playing himself, similar to your thing you just did. I don't know if we want to talk about that. But which is perfect because he was of that era of this throwback we're doing. I love it. Yeah, it's a fun conspiracy theory comedy. I have a lot of friends who are conspiracy theorists. And I get to play a conspiracy theorist, which is fun because usually they're very

adamant about their opinion. Sure. Yeah. And, you know, some of them are turning out to be true. Some are very validated. Correct. Yeah, yeah. Some are true. Can't believe Marlon Kraft is in this, in the neck brace. That's pretty crazy. Yeah. Is Marlon craft again? Ah, he's a rapper. All right. Yeah. No, my thing about conspiracy theories is if you can't, after you say the earth is flat, if you can't say at the end of that sentence, or maybe I'm wrong, then that's the problem. You just got to be open to being wrong. It's when someone's 100%. It's like the saying, only the madman is absolutely sure. Like, no, we don't fucking know anything. So that was the fun we had with this one.

And the guy Michael Cuame, who wrote and directed, it started Funny or Die. He was Will Ferrell's writing partner, really funny dude. Cool. And it's, yeah, it's just a fun one. So the cover alone, I'm in. It's fun. It looks like fun. She's got a crossbow.

That's right. That's exciting. All right. It's fun. So, yeah, you guys will check it out later. Hopefully, maybe never. I will, dude. Okay.

I will. I'm rewatching movies. That's the worst part. I won't watch a new movie, but I watch Ray for no reason. I'm rewatching. I do. To see what holds up and you go back and you're like, oh, this comedy isn't funny anymore. Some comedies hold up.

I watch your wreck Red Rock West. That's a great movie. Great movie. So I'm going back as well. No. Yeah, great movie. 90s. Yeah.

That's a good movie. That's a good movie. Dennis Hopper. Dennis Hopper. Nick Cage. She was buff. Nick Cage is all bub. We'll talk about it.

She was one fine piece of, uh, ace. LFB. Yeah. She was hot, dude. I like to Lanceette. Boyle. Wow. That's a good, that's a Red Rock West.

Wow. That's a movie. Great flick. Great flick. That was a tour bus watch. I made everyone watch and they were all like, Veter was trying to get people to go to sleep, that fucking stunt. He's like, come on.

He's trying to, not just he go to sleep, he's trying to rally people to the back. I'm like, not only are you going to be a buzzkill. Yeah. You're going to try to kill the vibe on the bus. Right. He was like, let's all go to sleep. I was like, fuck you. We're watching the movie.

If you want to go to sleep, just listen to his pod with you guys. Oh. Just kidding. I like the pod. You're funny. It's an easy joke. Well, he reluctantly watched it and had to admit it was great.

There you go. I prefer Gary Vee. The Viter. Oh, a different person? Kind of. Oh, Veter. Little Gary. Bald Gary.

You know Gary. Probably. Why do you both have to sleep? Why can't he just go to sleep? It's a peeve. Yeah. It's the guy who tries to rally everyone to do what they want. Rally and sleep shouldn't be in the same center.

Yes, good point. And you can't try to go to sleep. That's one of those things. I gotta try to go to the bathroom. You're either going to go. It's just a natural thing. Also, it's my fucking tour. Don't turn them against me. Yeah, you're the headline. I'm the master and commander, motherfucker. You get the back bedroom. I'm the captain now. I don't even do it. I'm a man of the people.

Do you guys sleep feet forwards? You have to. You have to. You have to because of what's her name story? Gloria Estefan almost died. What happened? Well, she broke her neck because she put her head facing forward. The rhythm is going to get you. You're supposed to put your feet forward because if the bus hit something, you're going to break your neck. Look it up. I didn't know that. I think it was Gloria Estefan had a bus accident and almost died. And that was the rule because when I toured, we would do the bus and we would

sleep feet forward. And it's so cozy and there's like a little coffin. It's cozy. The bus is fun. The pre-bo's. It's a cocoon. Do you have any the Oscars of this weekend? Oh, yeah. And you're and you're the, you're like our film guy. Yes, I'm up for a couple. You're up for, you should have been nominated for Red Rock. Oh, that's sweet. Thanks. For real. There was, it was so funny. When that happened, there was this buzz around it because all the like Oscar pundits and podcasts were like mentioning my name and even just that alone was like, what the fuck. And then I remember I was scared. It scared me because I was like, fuck, what comes with that? Like, that's a lot. And it scared me more than it excited me. And then I remember at like 6 a.m.

My agent and my manager was all on the phone when they announced the nominees and I didn't get nominated. And I went right back to bed. But you should on the ballet and the opera. That's right. What a silly thing to get upset about. What a silly thing to get upset about. But what a nice group to offend because they're probably not going to do anything. No. Don't dance angrily. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. His sister's a ballet. dancer too. Who's his? Shalamo. I think his mom. Or is his mom?

Salomey, ballet. Yeah. Tippy, tippy day. No, I thought, I think, you know, it seems like he feels like he could win it this year, but I watched, I re-watched Marty Supreme and one battle after another, and I think Leo edges him in performance. I do. I thought it was funny.

Funny. Yeah. It's funny. It's tough. It's a tough call. How about Ethan Hawke and Blue Moon? I haven't seen it. Killed it. Killed it. Unreal. Speaking of Blue Mook,

I have a drink? Yeah, sure. I'm on also damage right here, so you drink for me. I can't believe I'm on, I'm drinking and you're not. This is amazing. Wow.

End of an era. I did some damage to my body last week. I'll just do a tequila water. Tequila water. We're on it, baby. I prepared for this. I'm normally not a day drinker. I'm going to go down after this on a man,

but. Nice. Well, dealer's choice. We got a few to know. Oh, yeah. I go down on Gary Beater. Yeah. So.

You're going to go way down. He's not in the mix as far as the buzz that I'm hearing goes, but I heard he did a great job. He killed it. He carries the whole movie. It's basically just him. Is he a little guy? Yeah, he's a midget. He's like 4-11, the character.

So what? Like Gary Beater. Yeah, what are your favorite ones this year? Oh, God. You know, it was a good year for movies. That's exciting. That's true. I feel like Hollywood sort of got this, like, narrative that it's burning and going down.

Right. You guys are going to be so good because you're your own. and you guys go on the road to do what you want. I got to be a little more afraid of the future with AI and no one goes to the movies anymore and you're competing with the phones. So it's exciting to see some movies that are getting people jazzed. But yeah, I don't know.

I mean, I think... One battle is cool. It's going to probably win a lot. But now that what's his name, one for sinners, Michael B. Jordan. He was good. Yeah, he was good. But I don't think it was as good. And I'm not being racist.

I just don't think it was good. It's a bummer you have to preface that with any of the time. I'm kidding. No, but I've heard a lot of people say that. I know. Well, you know, you can't say kidding anymore because kids are offended. Shut up. I'm just kidding.

Oh, you scared me there. Margo Kidder. Speaking of your kids, how old? One year and a month. Hot. Yeah, it's good. He's got the diaper on. He leaves it low.

It's very sexy. Yeah. Wait, wait, hold on what I'm saying. Let's go back. Oh, yeah, with the racist thing. You guys are going fast. The racist thing is tough because I never watched Black Panther. And everybody was like, what are you racist?

And I'm like, I just don't like comic book movies. Yeah. I haven't seen One Avengers. I fell asleep in it and my friend was like, waking me up like, it's racist. Yeah, yeah. Well, you're quiet in the movie theater. That is racist. That's nice.

Come on. I think it's tough that black people had to wait so long for a superhero franchise. They had to make it pass Ant Man. Oh, yeah. That's a long wait for their own superhero movie. And the Beatles. There was a couple of them. There was a few.

Yeah, cockroach. But like, for a Marvel one, I guess Blade technically. A Blade! It's not like a world. Which is a racist. title like what are you saying he's yeah that's more Puerto Rican that's true yes me black Adam who's that oh yeah that was recently that was uh the rock the rock oh he's black enough he's half african there you go hallie berry half yeah the good half sure sure low i have

i hope not i don't want a huge clit yeah uh that was another good segment we cut for now i'm wondering why i'm realizing why he might have cut this episode Can we do a huge clit chunk? Yes. Did we? He had like 8 PR people in here and we're like, what do you think? A huge clip versus a big dick. And I think they were just sitting there like, what is happening?

I don't remember that. Why couldn't you had the clit out? I couldn't find it. They were not happy. I don't think we were that bad though. No, we did do a couple Tourette's jokes. Yeah. Is that that bad?

No, he's crazy. He's a big quiff. They weren't comedians. We're going to find out who this is after the show. I love these. I love Richard Pryor. I love George Carlin. Then they're like, hey, can we delete that?

It was a little racy. Get out of here. By the way, you want to delete a line. I'm all for it. Yeah. Yeah, that's weird. We're busy. I know.

Carlin's still dead, right? Still dead. Still dead. Still dead. Still dead. Going strong. Yeah. He would have been more relevant than ever right now.

You go back and watch his stuff and it's like, oh, this applies to me. Yeah. And the clips still come up. And they go, here's his abortion clip. Here's his government clip. Here's his war clip. That's right. And the right and the left both claim them, which is fascinating.

I'm getting a tequila water. Are you on or off the sauce? I'll take a, I'll take a smirch. A smirch. A smooch? A smooch. I got a, I got to recover, man. I'm fucking, I haven't even like, no coffee is worse than no alcohol.

You've had no coffee today? I can't do it. I haven't had coffee in days. What? I also had a fucking 6 a.m. pickup today with no coffee. Oh my God. Why are you doing this? You know, so no caffeine or no coffee?

You can't have, it agitates the fucking also, dude. So you actually have one. You're not assuming. You went to the doctor. No, but I've had them before and I know what it is. You know your body. You know your body. You know your body.

What is it? Is that like a hole in your esophagus or something? Yeah. Oh my God. In your stomach. No, not in your esophagus, in your stomach. Oh. No, it sucks, dude.

And can it heal? Yeah. Okay. It'll heal. I'm on preface at 30 and... Whoa. 30. Yeah.

And I'm drinking water. You're just eating clean. The one thing I miss about coffee is just kind of timing my shits. Mm. Yeah. I forgot that without coffee, you don't know when your shit is going to You're regular. I can kind of be like, I'm having my coffee.

Now I'll shit. Uh-huh. It's anyone's guess now when I'm going to shit during the day. I hate it. That's true. And I don't feel good until I shit. Same. I get the evil out.

I haven't shit today. I'm furious. Oh, my God. You're pent up. I'm pent up. You do feel better after you drop a deuce like the toxins could come out and you feel better. 100%. Yeah.

I'll have brain fog. My eyes are blurry. I'll take a shit and I'm clean. Yeah, baby. I'm struggling, dude. Yeah. No coffee is getting. We were drunk at a dinner last week, and I was like, I can go without booze.

That's true. That's true. I remember you saying that. And I'm going without both the last few days. It's only been four days. Okay, so I've tried no coffee. That's a day two or three, you're grumpy, you're irritable. I'd withdraw.

You can't sleep, headaches. You get the headaches? Yeah. I was with a woman. She's dread to have sex with me. I said, I'm not in the mood. I have a headache. Yeah.

By the way, headache cured by sex. So suck on that, ladies. How to cure your sex? Well, if you have a headache and you have sex, the headache goes away. Is that true? I tried it. Really? Yeah, I jerked off, but still.

Well, that's the whole thing is they say back in the day they would pleasure like Victorian, you know, they would like pleasure women and that was how they would like deal with them being hysterical. Wow. So you can look it up, I'm pretty sure the vibrator was created not for women's pleasure, but so they would stop being crazy. Wow. You can look it up. I don't know how to look that up, but that's amazing. Victorian like weird.

I'm gonna get some crazy porn. Yeah, those are the good old days. Oh yeah. Victorian Vibrator. Yeah. Yeah, that's hot. I would want to see that happen. Too bad there was in...

Look at that. Oh, my goodness. That's a fister. Victorian secret. Holy hell. That's crazy. Not someone that one at the Hustler Club. Oh, no.

It's rough. It's like a mace. It's like a sander. Like a belt sander. Good times. Wow. Man, look at that. You're going to grind the clip right off with that thing.

What the fuck? Yeah. That's a power drill. Yeah. The polar club vibrates. Like they developed electricity dick five years earlier and they're like make women come. Yeah. Did you have that thing where your mom was like, that's a massager?

She had that big fucking beige wand. You need to pull it out of your ass like, sorry. I want to wipe that down. But yeah, the massager was big. Every woman had that big old fat one with the top on it. Did you guys ever fuck the jacuzzi when you're a kid? Sure. Like the hole would be like a little.

I never stuck my dad in it. That was too intimidating. Oh, yeah. No, it's kind of the equivalent of a woman using the bathtub faucets. It's like a water source. Speaking of a water source, you guys know that bank terms are all water references. Like, think about, I don't, there's some reason why. Anything with money is a water reference.

Liquid. Liquid. Cash flow. There's for some reason. There's a reason why. Banks, whoa. I think I wrote some of these down because this came up yesterday. I'm like, the boys are going to like this.

I like it. So for some reason, liquidated, overflow, cash flow, bank, currency. Oh, currency. There's a bunch of... Oh, the current. Yeah. I don't know why. Is there a reason

there's not to be a source. I bet it's all in Norfolk. Tequila water. Source. Yeah, the source. Thank you. Here's some tequila water. No ice in this house?

Jesus. What kind of world are we living in? Browdy it. Well, it's a cocktail. He can't give us no ice. I'll go no ice. I'll go no ice. What is this, Gaza?

Come on. Thank you. All right. Appreciate it. Sorry. Cash flow. So, New York City, walking around. got here 75 degrees.

This is the best time in New York. I remember when I lived here, that first day of spring, the girls are out in the T-shirts, the mood is good. I'm like, I miss this whole winter you guys had. I've been watching on TV. Two blizzards, maybe.

And I get here in 75-degree weather. It was great. Do you see these people posting videos, too, where they're just like, if you weren't here during the winter, then get the fuck out. No, that's not how it works. You're allowed to come visit.

Yeah, we don't do that with other stuff. You weren't in the Holocaust. You can't be Jewish now. I'm so Jewish. wonder how much the Holocaust. Anyway, that's not a bad joke. Count it. The first got to do it 80 years ago, killed it.

But, you know, it's weird that cleavage makes everybody have, do women know that their cleavage brightens the world up? Oh, you're starting, for sure. You love it. You see cleavage, you're like, hey, it's, I feel like a groundhog. I'm like, it's going to be a great spring. I was walking around downtown and the girls are out and it's beautiful. Beautiful.

But every girl's on their phone, it's hard. Like, street, to talk to a girl on the street is telling. Those days are over. A cold open. That's what they call it. You can't make eye contact. Now you've got to follow them for a few blocks. Yeah, you got to follow them right.

Wait, was that a cold, not a cold open? What do you call it when you go approach? Icebreaker? Icebreaker, another water reference cold open. Yeah, she's a sea. Okay. Sea word? But yes, it's hard to go up and just hit on a woman in 2020s post.

Do you do that? I have done that. Well, you're a hot guy who's tall who has a celebrity background. Yeah, true. So I guess that doesn't hurt. And we saw that. Lime to myself. Red Rocket.

Yeah, yeah. It was fake dick. It was fake, but it was a good fake dick. A woman asked for her a dick big, he'd be like, uh, yeah. It's on Netflix now. Go check it out, baby. It's on Netflix? It's on Netflix.

It's on Netflix. It's Red Rocket, everybody. Yeah. Red Rocket. Made by Sean Baker, who won the Oscar for an Aurora. He won all the Oscars. Yes. There it is. You did what?

Florida Project? Florida Project. He did Anora, which was his big winner. He did another one called Tangerine that was shot on an iPhone, which was another. He doesn't miss. I mean, he makes great stuff. Cool dude? He's the greatest.

Just such a sweet guy. Jersey boy, local guy. There you know. Oh, there's a... Hunkerama. Yeah, right. There it is. Running around with my dick out.

Wow. Good time. So I remember when we shot Red Rock. Oh, sorry, cut you off. Go ahead. Did you get any DMs from women after that? Yeah. Because they don't know it's fake.

Yeah, that a lot of people seeing it on Netflix now that never saw it because it's on like the homepage like new one. You were like a dude showing up taking off lifts. Yeah. Right. Right. You know, it's, uh, You know that move.

Oh, man, that hurt. Don't you usually do it at him, not the guest? I mix it up. Okay, I guess after three episodes on local. It was a big windup for. Yeah, that wasn't even register on here. Sorry, buddy. No, so wait, what are we talking about?

Oh, yeah. What were we talking about? Your dick, DMs for Red Rock. Oh, yeah, you girls will hit you, but you can't do. That's like, no, you can't. What do they say, though? Why? Yeah, it'll be like, oh, I just saw Red Rock.

a hard eyes or whatever, but you know, that's weird. You can't actually go meet those people because you think it's a setup. You're like, oh, this is not, you know what I mean? Like, you're not going to go meet a fan. Well, I think it's one of the perks. Never done it.

It's an automatic rule of someone's like a fan. It's like, ah, this is cheating, you know? Cheating. Really? Yeah, but I've had a couple girls tell me later, like, actually I knew who you were from this. I'm like, ah, I feel like. Of course they know.

You were in Felicity. Yeah, that's true. You fucked Felicity. I fucked Felicity. And at the time, people were mad about that because the whole show, the crux of the show, is she going to sleep with Brad or Noel, the two main guys? And then it was actually good writing.

J.J. Abrams wrote that. Wow. Wow. I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, J.J. Abrams. Whoa. And I remember going into, it's actually funny. I remember going into audition. It was an art.

The role was an artist. And I'm in the waiting room to go in. This is like 2001. And there's a guy, he did this. A guy brought to the waiting room an easel, a painting, and he's in the waiting room to get into character, fucking painting in the waiting room. I remember thinking this fucking asshole.

What a douche. Are you really getting into the role, dude? And then I went in and booked it and I didn't have to paint in the lobby. You fucking weird. Actors of the world. Take that Daniel Day Lewis. Exactly. Yeah.

No, it would. The actors suck. But you got the role. You were the bad boy. Is that guy a recognizable actor? I have no idea who it was. Yeah, it's probably a timidish out. Mario Lopez.

You know, but I remember, yeah, that show was a big deal. People would yell at me out the car. It shouldn't have been you. It shouldn't have been you. Girls love that show. She also cut her head. hair. Remember that was a huge deal she cut her hair. I didn't even watch a show

and I was pissed. She cut her hair. Yeah, yeah. No. What the fuck is that? Yeah. I was on set. The day she came and cut her hair without telling production and the set was all, everyone was all like weird and I'm like, what's going on? They're like, she cut her hair without telling anybody. The producers are pissed. Because that was her old thing was her angelic hair. Carrie Russell.

And she just went with the Bob. Yep. And that was a big deal. And I remember she got in a bunch of trouble for But they wrote it in. I mean, not trouble here. They wrote it. They were like, yeah, she's going through some shit. That's what girls do. They either get bangs or kill her husband. Well, I remember when I shot the scene with her

because it was like the clothes set, we had to make out. She had her shirt off, and her husband was at work that day, and I'm like, this is such a weird job. I'm like making out with this dude's wife. Whoa. He's jerking off in the corner. Yeah, exactly. Wow, how about that?

And she just won a Golden Globe. She is a very pretty. She's in that new show with the, where she bangs everybody. Oh. No offense. I forgot the name of it, but my mom likes it. It's like mom board. It happens at every fucking shoot day.

Yeah, just in a quarter in a cuck chair. By the way, I was watching six degrees of separation the other night. Good movie. And this is JJ Abrams, acting. No shit. Can I play it real quick? Yeah, play it. Hey, Willie's Remedy.

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I mean, New York City in the summer, you get that shit. It's unavoidable. I mean, this sounds like it could be huge for me. So I'm going to check this out. What I like is that it's customized. They factor in your season location and weather. So it's not some outdated, diluted nonsense.

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Feature products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality, prescription required. website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. Actual price will depend on product and subscription plan. Hell yeah. You gave a complete stranger who happens to mention my name the keys to our house? Wow. Dad, sometimes it's so obvious to me why mom left. I'm so embarrassed to know you.

This is a comedy? You gave the keys to a stranger who shows up at your office? Mother told me you beat her. My mom told me you were rotten lover and that you drank so much. Your body's melted of cheap white wine. said sleeping with you. It was like sleeping with a salad made of bad dressing. I watched this with my parents. It was brutal.

Yeah, same. Oh, it's one of those movies where you're like, oh, I don't know it was going to be all this sexual shit. Your parents were just in town for 28 days? 14, 18. 18 days. Yeah, brutal. I feel like I know this is one of those, what's it called, a parisocial relationship? That's right.

Where I, uh, and you guys are a pair of douchebags. Yay. I don't know. That was a low blow. I'll tell you. No. But I know your guy's life more than my friends because I'm listening to the pods. I like know what's going on. How I know your life? Yeah, yeah. They were here. They're gone and thank God.

That's a long trip. My dad and my baby are the same now. They both eat soft food. They can't walk. They can't hear. So, well, my baby can hear. But they're both stare at my wife's tits. Either way, it was awkward. It was a lot going on in my house. It was brutal. And my parents, they never leave. They just stay

there. They just sit in the living room and read. It drives you crazy. It is tough when the people, I I had a friend. The common area. Common area. Common area is a big thing. It is because you walk down and you're like, here we go.

You can't just go get something out of the fridge. Everything has to be a thing. What are you doing? You're hungry? You want me to make you something? Oh, my God. I remember having like Craigslist roommates and like, bring a girl back. You go, you like, go to the bathroom and they're just in the fucking company.

You're like, I just made eye contact with a fucking stranger. Now I'm making eye contact with another stranger. Right. Right. And you pay them both at the end of the month. Who's Craig anyways? Are real Craig? Is a guy named Craig?

It's got to be. Yeah. This Tom on MySpace. It's got to be a Craig. Yeah. Pull it up. Is he a real guy? I bet he is.

I mean... Is he doing well? Boom. Oh, there he is. Craig Newmark. Still alive. Wow. Did he clean up on that?

S.F. based. He does not look like a guy who would go in Craigslist. No. No, he does. Look at that hat and scarf. Ah. How about that?

Morristown, New Jersey. Okay. Can you make money on that? Because it didn't have any ads or anything. They always find a way. They find a way. He probably got a penny from every table I sold, every nightstand, every hookup. I was going to say, Rex.

We could jump into some wrecks if you guys more. I want a wreck. Hey, T. Rex Rex Rex. Simon Rex. What about this, guys? Do you know, you ever, because I think collectively we all are having memory problems. There's too much information on our phones. And do you ever, like, think of something and you have to Google it.

Here's a wreck. I'm back, baby. Wow. That one wasn't that. I shot it down the middle. Like a centrist. No, a wreck that I have is try to remember it without Googling it. Even if it takes five minutes, don't go right to the goo.

Give it a minute. See, if you could access it because you'll get a dopamine hit when you do. I like that. And you're exercising your brain. So don't goog right away. Salacuse, you're fired. I had one the other day where I asked ChatGBT, GBT, what should I not be doing in life? And it said, using me.

Wow. You should, Chad GBT told me to stop using it. He's like, you should struggle, think, and that'll make you better. Well, you know what's crazy about Chad GPT is there's people who are probably in toxic relationships who never, like maybe they don't talk to their friends about it, but they maybe they ask Chad GBT. All the time. Maybe they're embarrassed to bring this to the friend, but maybe they're talking to chat GPT. Like, is it weird that my, is it weird that my wife laughs at her boss's jokes and works late? And you're like, oh, you never would have asked anyone that.

Yeah. But now maybe you get out of that. Maybe Chad GPD is like, yeah, it's fucking weird. You should get out of this relationship. But that didn't exist Like it wasn't a person to ask that to Well they're being sued now because a lot of people are killing themselves Because chatGBT was like oh maybe it is a good idea

Maybe you should So Well to stay in that same world of wrecks I also have another wreck I went and got a digital alarm clock So I don't have to look at my phone When I wake up to see what time it is Because then you get sucked right in immediately

That's good Text messages That's good I go even further Put your phone on airplane mode when you go to bed. So that way, when you wake up, if you do have to look at your phone, you don't get sucked right in because I think it's, I've been working on this one.

No coffee for an hour after you wake up. I do that one. That's hard, but you could do it, hour, hour and a half. I'm going to have to do when I get back on it. Give yourself an hour. You've got to get the natural cortisol level. Yes, yes. Juberman over here.

And then also don't look at your phone and go right into social media. You're just going to be fucking all day long. You're going to be tapped if you go right to caffeine and phone. So give yourself an hour. So Siri, set timer, one hour, and then go on the phone and a coffee. Don't let the phone dictate your day. Because you wake up and you start going, oh, now the phone's got control of you. You got to control the phone.

It's fucked. We're all fucked. So anyway, that's a wreck that I got that I thought would be, you know, hopefully people out there. No coffee for an hour. What else? Oh, this is interesting. Suitcase. It's a case for a suit.

Ah. But we don't think about that. Right. You're looking at me like, you son of a bit. This is like a sign phone. smoke too much weed. And he's just like, wait a second. See, that's why I lobbed it up.

I knew there'd be some. But suitcase, it's like cupboard, cupboard. We don't think about these things. I think about that. You do? Well, you have a brain of a thinker. The irony is the suitcase tends to come in a bag.

You know, you hold that bag up with the hanger on top. It's like cargo is on a ship and shipments on the car. What are we doing? The brain is melting. Well, you park on a driveway. You drive on a parkway. All right. I'm out of here.

All right. All right. All in hell. No, so, yeah. No, that's fun. Okay, but these are good little things to notice. Here's another good one. In coffee world, you ever heard of a nappuccino?

Oh, God, I hate it already. You're taking espresso shot right as you're about to take a nap? No, it's amazing. Who can nap when they need to? Listen, the timing. I learned it in Spain where they know their coffee and they know their naps. And you take an espresso shot as you're going down. You got a time of perfect.

And when you wake up 20 minutes later, zing, baby, you're zinging and zanging. I try it. It'll never work for you. It'll never work. Try it. Because you sit there and you go, okay, fall asleep. No, it's a wreck. It's a napachino.

You can't do it because you can't, your brain won't turn off. I did it. I did it. It's a thing. I'm going to go ahead and say this and I don't mean any disrespect. I lose a little respect for nappers. You know, I can't, well, that's the thing. I don't really like a napper.

I've never met a napper. Napa Valley. When you travel, it's easier. I'm not a napper. I can never shut the brain on. I understand. Maybe you've got kids. It's different, you know?

Yeah, no. And the hours are screwed up. but like I have friends who were like I took a nap I'm like you don't have anything going on anymore what's with all these fucking naps well the other day I went drinking real hard and I had three shows and I got like an hour of sleep pulled it all nighter I had to have a nap

But even the word nap is emasculating What about kid nap? You took a little nap? Yeah it's like a baby term right It took a little baby nap It's true It's oh it's never like You're never gonna see like a longshoreman like I'm gonna take a nap

Well, you know what they do? They had power in the front. They had power nap. Yeah, but that's like a white-collar move. Sure, sure. I'm going to think a power nap and you're like, all right. Power nap. Was it powerful?

On the bottom. Power nap, then there's cat nap and then his kidnap. Oh. So if an adult gets kidnapped, is it a kidnap? Oh. Like, what's her name is kidnapped? But she's 88 years old. I think it's so kidnapped.

Savannah Guthrie. Yeah. It should be a napping. Did they find her yet? Nah, she's dead. Oh, shit. Is she officially dead? I'm calling it right now.

Usually. I'm calling it. You don't have the authority to call this. Polymark, put me down for a dead Savannah gut dog. Okay. What are that guy? He's going to want to scrub the episode. I got a couple peeves.

Well, wait, let me just say this off your suitcase. I got one that'll rock your tits right off there, Rexy. Dress shoe. Imagine being a foreigner and you're like, dress shoe? So I got to wear a shoe that goes with a dress? It's it a dress or a shoe? It's not dressed up?

There's a dress shirt. It was dressed up. Like the Canadians call their chips with everything on it all dressed. It's dressed. Yeah, it's dress up. Yeah, I think so. But it's a dress. I want to go up a dress.

It's a thing. And then so a dress shoe, it's like a bull shark. Which one is it? I think it's. All right. It's all right. Okay. And then you order some shoes to your address.

Sorry, okay. Jesus, I got to get back. Just say it. If you're a foreigner, that would be confused. Or how about this one? Pretty ugly. She's pretty ugly Wait a minute

Pretty ugly Make up your mind here, Dickless Yeah, it's like a Dodge Ram Yeah Dodge Ramm You're ramming it Ah All right

Let me get theory on the line Wait also You know the term drag You know what that comes from Like drag Like that shows Drag Queen or like you're a drag Okay

So it's negative This is a drag Well no no The Drag Queen Comes from Back in the old theater In England The men

would wear a dress that played women and it would drag on the ground and that's the origin of drag queen and they wear the outfits. It's from the British. A lot of stuff comes from British. That's true. Origins. A lot of prison origin.

That's my wife. She wants a cigarette after sex. She said, no, thanks. One drag is enough. That's a good Bill Cosby. My Cosby. Yeah. All right, sorry. What was your thing? I got a few peeves. Okay, hit me.

Well, one is people. who get too annoyed by a fart. Oh, thank you. I appreciate. Have you met these people? They're just like, oh, oh, what? And you're like, all right, calm down. You think it shanked.

He just looked annoyed. I'm not going to the people who get, like, dramatic over it. You've seen it with like, oh, who farted? You did it to Seinfeld, and you took a shit on Sandler's tour. I know too much. Yeah, I shouldn't have done that. That was a rookie move. That's it.

That's a no-no. I'm out of the in crowd. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, no, the people who get, and also the people that try to shame the farter. Yeah, it's like, come on. If it's a close group of friends, I'll give it to you, but the people who farted?

Yes, yes, yes. No, I'm with you. Knives out, motherfucker. And it's going to end, the fart dissipates in a minute and a half. Get out of here. Yeah. I can see if it linger. It's like when people get mad yet.

You haven't seen fill in the blank movies. People get upset about the lack of movie seeing. What's your one movie you're embarrassed you haven't seen? Lion King. Not embarrassed, but people see, people get upset. Never should have gone with the one. Based on Hamlet. Speaking of farting.

Hey. All right, we're tying things together. Passing wind. I like it. I should see it, I feel like. It's fun. Yeah, I don't think I've seen it either. Oh, we.

What's, uh, I got another P for you. All right. This is when you're singing happy birthday with my niece, everyone's singing a happy birthday, there's always a person that goes, and many more. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's three. Why are we bringing her death into this? Yeah.

I'm hoping she doesn't die. Right. That's what that, yeah, you're wishing more anymore. On channel four. And she's three. She's got many more. There's going to be more. Way more. And by the way, if you do the and many more to someone who's like 99, it's almost cruel.

How many more do that person want? Good point. Right. Also, it shows the difference between white people and black people right there. Happy birthday. How's the black birthday song go? Happy birthday to you. It's so much jazzier than happy birthday to you.

That's such a honky square dance. But they got happy birthday. That's a different thing. I was at a restaurant last night. I hear happy birthday. I look over lovely black family singing happy birthday. They didn't do your version. They went white.

Oh, is that right? Yeah, they went white. A Chinese restaurant called Tuxedo. There you go. It was a white castle. Who knows? But they got their own anthem and their own birthday. What's the anthem?

The Black National Anthem. They played at the Super Bowl. I didn't catch it. It was something with Drake. But yeah, I just realized they have two songs of theirs. Great. There you go. Cheers.

What a country. All right. You know my peeve. Tell us here. These fucking restaurants, they order shrimp, they don't take the peel, the tails off. Yeah. Infuriating. Get the tail out of there.

You're already cooking it. You're tossing the salad. There's no way to do it with a knife and fork. You're making my fingers fucking nasty. Good point. Good point. You got to pick it up. Now you're that guy.

It's the handle. Is that why they leave it? Handle. Well, I want the fork. I got a salad going. Now I got to take the shrimp out. out, de-ball it, put it back in, then eat it. I'll tell you one further.

I even get sometimes a little annoyed when someone hands you the skewer. Just take it off the stick. Yeah, yeah, I'm with you. Yeah, but no one's using it for the top one. Yeah, but it's a nice pull. You get a good pull. Yeah, you're right. After that, you got to move.

After that, you're moving it. It's fingers. Yeah, I'm with you. We're using the fork. Get it all in there. No skewer, no tail. The tail really bugs me. Yeah, you're already doing everything else.

Just knock that off. All right. Shrimp, they say people, some people are very anti-eating shrimp. Oh, I love shrimp. I mean, just like when you look at what they look like, they're like the roaches. Yeah, like lobster. Sure. But they're fucking good.

They're great. Yeah, lobster used to be for like poor people and then they decided to make it fancy. Now we're spending $88 a pound. What are we doing? Exactly. I think lobster's overrated. I agree. It's too much work.

It's good. You're spending that much money, I've got to do all the fucking work, too. Yeah. Also, you tip anything in butter. I can dip my dad's dick in butter. That's true. It's good. It's pretty good.

There you go. Yeah. I salted it, too. Ah, I can't believe it's not dead. Yeah. Oh, did I write down any peeves? All right, I got one more. Okay.

How about this guy? The guy who has to let you know, you know, I type something on a text, and then I go, oh, I spelled, I didn't put day. I put say. So I was like, oh, what say is it coming out? And then I go, oh, edit, day. And he goes, oh, I say. Oh, oh, shit.

I saw it. I saw you made a mistake. And I'm like, yeah, I edited it. And he's like, I caught it. Say, say what? Say what again, motherfucker? One ain't no cut driver. Whatever.

Like, we have to dwell on this now? Yeah. Why? The iPhone is, there's one that always does for me because I text basketball a lot with my friends. And I always type in Janus, the basketball player G-I-N-N-N-I-S. Yeah. And it always types in Johnny apostrophe S. Johnny's.

Johnny's po-boys. I mean, I know no one named Johnny with that spelling. Right. With a G-I. I'm never going to say. And then hey iPhone, after I corrected for the third time, let's just keep it that way. Stop re-correcting me. You mansplaining me with your iPhone.

So yeah, all right. So I hate the guy who has to let you know he caught the edit. Oh, what a detective here. We got Harriet the spy in the house. It was the same person in the comments like when you type in the wrong thing. I saw you fucked up the first thing. Yes, same shit. Well, congrats detective.

God forbid you unsend like they freak out. Like what did you unsend? I actually know on the other end you're like, what did I miss? Did they send a racist meme? Why did you guys get accent figures? Who did that? She did that girl recently? She unsaid something?

I'm like, what was it? Like, hoping it was a nude or something? I'm like, I missed it. I should have been on my phone. Simon told me to wake up and not look at it. Is that real? Joke World bracket champions? Or is that just for fun?

That's real, baby. Who voted on that? Joke World, the page, though, channel. Amazing. We've fallen hard since 23. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I blame Gary Vee.

No coincidence. I like him. I liked him, too. I liked him, too. I liked him, too. I'm pulling for him And unlike other guests So-called influencers

He didn't ask for his episode to be removed Ooh That's a peeve That's a peave and a half right there We all got saucy when I said that Yeah Go girl I said it

So I got a peeve that can pertain to somebody in this room You don't know me? You got a peeve someone in the room It's me or Mark That's true So you have a friend Who credit card swipes you or flicks you in the balls.

Definitely, Mark. And then you say something like, hey, do you mind I'm having a little sensitivity? And then they'll say something like, hey, how was I supposed to know? That, well, I didn't do that. But I have to tell you not to flick me in the balls. You're supposed to know not to flick me in the ball. Mark, flick your balls?

You've done it. That's odd. We're going to have a sexual harassment suit in this show. Yeah, that's old. That's old, Mark. Yes. I'll do a swipe, though. Yeah.

Swipe, I still have a fan up, because no one gets. hurt. It's a victimless crime. You know, little white dogs with the back... Cut to a lawsuit. No one gets hurt. Peters is like, I felt unsafe in the office. Okay, here's a pet peeve, the little white dogs

with the crust in their eye. Those disgusting little one. Clean the eyes. What do we do? Why? Do we have to have the white dog with the crusty eyes? That's how we should torture terrorists. We should take the crust out from the eyes and stick it down their fucking pillow. That'd be a good one. Oh, there we go.

That's a butthole. Yeah. But same. Brown eye. Yeah. Holy. Yeah. It's got to go.

Just wipe it. Yeah. I'm with you. Give it a douche. Yeah. I think I wrote a couple down. Oh, yeah. What about this one?

And I just did it. When you're talking to, they talk to you and you respond to someone and then mid-convo, they look at their phone. As you're talking to them, it's rude. That's wild. I know what you mean. You son of a bitch. I like it. I got another pet peeve.

All right. Afghan hounds. Look up these fucking ghouls. What the fucking gang. Look up these ghouls. All right. I mean, these are fucking brutal.

Oh my God. Afghan hound. That's what I called a guy through the bomb in New York. That's a fucking brutal dog. That's a, it looks like a human. You know what a Bowser is? It looks like Sam Elliott and Roadhouse.

It does. I was like a Laura Dern. Yes. You know when someone looks like their dog, it's called a Bowser. And some people look like their dogs. I didn't know that. They call it a Bowser.

And that, That definitely looks like a human being. That's Tilda Switten right there. Yes, it is. Holy hell. Those dogs freak. Oh, my God. They freak me up.

Yeah, there's a lot. It looks too human-like freaking out. Yeah, yeah, I don't like it. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it does look like the wizard from Gandalf. Mm. Yeah. Gandolphini.

Yeah. All right. All right. Covered the dogs. You had one that you said something, and I had a thing, and I lost it. What did you say? I crushed? Oh, you mid-convo text.

Mid-convo text. Yeah. Yeah, that's something. People that overreact when you say you haven't seen a movie and they get upset at you. Yeah. It's always annoying. I lost it. I got to peeve.

Okay. These fucking influencers on Instagram who think they're like investigative journalists, where they're like, did you know that McDonald's has 18 different ingredients in their fries and four different seed oils or oils or whatever? And you're just like, yeah, dude, it's fucking McDonald's. Right. What did you think we were doing here? Yeah. No, no, have you ever eaten it and not felt like a piece of shit afterwards? Yeah.

That's, you're not breaking news. Yes, yes. That's the gamble. That's the rub. We all know that. You go to McDonald's, you're eating shit. That was like my first hangover as a kid is McDonald's. Oh, yeah.

Because you're like, nine in your body can't process it. Oh, yeah. Mine was candy. I'd go ape shit at Halloween. I was like, whoa. Dude, I used to be so addicted to the sour gummy straws that I would chew them and then spit out the gummy just to get the sour without digesting. Wow. You're an addict.

I know. Damn. It's dark. It's dark shit, dude. You tied your arm up? That's back when I smoked wheat. You had a little spoon. A little fruit by the foot.

Oh, fuck. I'm a tie off. Dude, I haven't smoked weed in years. And this morning I was at the Russian bathhouse, which I've invited you to, but you're like, I have a spot. But it's not the point. You go to the Russian bathhouse. You know, the Russian Turkish bathhouse? Oh, he'll clog the brain.

What about that fucking prosthetic dick in my son? No, this place is the best. My buddy's the owner, so we get a little VIP open in the morning. And his buddy was smoking a vapid. And he's like, oh, this is like blue ice. And I was like, oh, nicotine, can I get hit? It was fucking weed. I'm like, oh, no, I got to go do the pod with the boys and I smoked weed for the first time.

Your eyes do look bloodshot. But I didn't get stoned. I'm like, I'm like, I'm 7% stoned. Oh, yeah, I've been there. Fuck, I don't smoke weed anymore. I was like, they're like, it's fine. It's Sativa. I'm like, I haven't smoked in three and I have fucking years.

No, no offense of the bathhouse, but I can I relax. The whole thing is about relaxing and taking the edge off and all that. But I'm like, I'm jumping in cold water. this giant fat men's dicks out, my dicks out. I can't relax about that. Well, that's why you go in the morning when it's empty and clean. Clean and empty. That's a wreck.

Go places off hours. Yes, off hours. Go to dinner at five. Yeah. Or 10. Early bird. Go whenever it's not popping, I think. Go anywhere.

Got it. Yeah, that's good. The airport empty? Nothing about an empty airport. What are you pulling up, Salekuse? That's a male bathhouse. A little random bathhouse pictures. Yeah.

I like a good shep. There's a wreck, a nice steam and an ice bath. That's a natural high right there, baby. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that book that you keep pulling up? Is that an AI fun thing? Yeah, it's like the one thing I produced in five years. It's a Simon's Rex.

I love it. That's pretty good. I like it. Yeah. You come full of wrecks, dude. Thank you. I do. Actually, I didn't find out.

Boy, I rewatch Ray. That is a sad fucking movie. Yeah. I didn't realize it. Lost his brother, right? Yeah. Drafted in a bucket. Yeah.

Yeah. Crazy. Man, I love to see in that movie where I'm sure it didn't happen like this, but he comes up with Hit the Road Jack. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucking great. Crazy. Kicking him out and it just hits him, hit the road, Jack.

And don't you come? You got to say, I mean, Jamie Fox, for what it's worth? Killed it. Might be the most talented all-around guy in the game. Think about it. Singing, stand-up. Yep. Acting Oscar-worthy, Oscar winning performances.

And now he's like hosting a game, like, dude, what is he? Damn. And he's like a cool guy. Have you ever hung out with him? He's like a cool dude. No, I've never hung out with him. Come on here. Yeah.

No, but Ray, I never realized how sad it was because I saw it, you know, in 2002, whatever it was. But he rides a bus from Florida to Seattle for an open mic. We've all been there. I know, but I can read a magazine. I never thought about it. The guy's blind on a bus in the 40s just going. Right. I mean, you got no podcast, no radio.

That's where the songs came from, though, dude. I guess so. But you can't look at the window. Yeah, you don't come up with Georgia just fucking staring at an iPhone. I know, but it was going to come up with you. He must have wrote that on the way from Florida. That's what I'm saying. Okay.

Did he go blind or born blind? He got lost it when he was seven, a juvenile glaucoma. I looked it up. Now, okay. And one eye was removed. Okay, so. And one testicle. Hitler.

And it's butthole. No, I'm kidding. Because that would be worse is to go blind because you know what you're missing. Yeah. Born blind, you have no idea what you're missing. missing. I don't know. Because now you can picture your mom.

Picture your brother. Picture your house. It's got it all up here. Yeah, either way it sucks. You ever see those videos of the kids that are like, you know, almost blind and they put the glasses on and they can see?

Oh, that's the best video. Break your heart. That's the best. The kids that the dad is in the military. Oh. I can't. I can't deal with the cry porn. I love it.

I don't like sad porn. I want to feel something. It's all positive porn. Yeah. That's good stuff. That's why your algorithm feeds you, it makes you upset. It knows you're going to get mad and you engage. Outrage wins.

You never comment. I never comment. Don't comment. Never. I don't even want to hit a heart because people- I comment all the time. If I see a woman in a bikini pick, I write nice. Yeah.

I write, you're looking great. Yeah. Yeah. Single. You up? Yeah. When how women post pictures, it's all women comments. Of course.

Well, a man liking a hot influencer is the same as thing. the stripper is going to like you. Right. What do you think? What do you think? Hey, Bob liked me. Let me look him up.

Same with politics. You think your politician likes you? It's like thinking a stripper likes you. They don't give a fuck. One of my best friends slid into an actress's DMs the other day. I'm like, what are you doing? What are you doing? But the same time, I'm like, you know what?

Fucking go for it. Yeah, I guess so. You never know. You never know. People win the lottery? That's true. And you might catch her at a vulnerable moment. Yeah.

But also, I think people were so bored. back in the day that if you asked a girl out, she was like, fuck and I'll go out with you. What else am I doing? And also, that's how you met. Sure. The problem with these apps now is like you're matching, there's too much choice. You're matching with someone, you're on an app and you're like, I just match with someone

in Copenhagen. Right. Yeah. You used to only like meet your neighbors. That's right. Now you're like, now the world it's like going to the grocery store and having 4,000 tuna options. Exactly. Even if you have a great tuna, you're like, there's got to be a better tuna out there. Porn is the ultimate one. Yep. I'm scrolling all day. I'm

She's not perfect. Where's the midgets? Where's the wheelchairs? It's the cheesecake factory. That's Mark's memoir. Yeah. The cheesecake man, the panic attacks. Exactly.

Whereas my aunt would bend over. I'd see cleavage. And I was like, I'm good for a week. Yeah. Because that's all we had. We had to use our imagination when we rub one out. I remember you'd get like the Mervyn's catalog and it would be like, give me, it's a visual. Love it.

It's such boomer shit to be like, in my day, we had to think, we had to think about a pussy. There's a wreck. rub one out to your imagination. That's impossible. No, you can do it. Those days are over. I can do it. Well, you think of all the hookups.

It takes me four hours, but I can do it. Yeah, exactly. A dick's chafed. Well, there's a good for the blind guy if he rubs one out and he never saw anything. What does he even know he's missing or her? Yeah, well, he fucked a lot of horrors, Ray Charles. And he hates fat women.

It doesn't even matter. Fat woman would probably be better if you're blind. He didn't like it. Fat women are probably more offensive to a blind person because you can see the beauty and a heavier woman if you see. But if you're just feeling, You're like, that's a good point. Because this could be a tit and that's a gut.

Yeah. It's like that movie Mask. Should the blind, like touching his face. Oh, Jim Carrey. No, not that one. Rocky Dennis. Yeah, yeah. She's touching his face.

Yeah. I actually, when I worked at MTV, the actor who played who was going to be in Back to the Future, what's his name who played? Eric Stoltz. I remember when I worked as a VJ on MTV, he was a guest and I just did the worst joke as he was a guest. And I say, well, you look a lot better since Mask. Bad joke, I admit.

And he goes, ah, ha, ha, real fucking funny. They're like, cut. And then I had to do the interview afterwards. He was not happy. It's like, dude, it's not even your real head. It's not a good joke, but it's not that bad. It's not offensive. Then he has to be like, hey, fuck you, man.

Weird. Weird. Damn, Stoltz. He's got a toad. Dude, when I was at MTV, I remember Michael Jordan came in, and Daisy Fuentes. Oh, love the Flintzes. Both, though. Yeah, yeah.

She was the hot. Latina on MTV back in the 90s. And I remember, I was hoping I'd get the interview with Michael, but she got it. And I go into, with that day, my daughter, I'm coming to work. Hey, you look a lot better since Space Jam. I was like, much? So I go into work that day, and I didn't work that day.

I wanted to see Michael Jordan. I watched the interview. And this is when he had his cologne. He had a cologne out of it. So after the interview was over, she gives me in her dressing room, his cologne, she's here, I don't need this. And I'm spraying my wrist with it. As I'm spraying my wrist, Michael Jordan opens the door

and looks at us, and he thinks, Daisy goes, what do you think? And I freeze because it's Michael Jordan. And I go, thumbs up to the listeners. I put my thumbs up and she laughed at me. He laughed at me. I went beat red. I gave Michael Jordan the thumbs up. What do you say to Michael Jordan? That's not bad. I gave him a thumbs up. That's better than you ruined the movie stults or whatever you said. Yeah, you look better since masks. Oh, yeah. Bad. You could have said something about the wizards. Yeah, the two people that I met at MTV that were like larger than life. It was Michael Jordan and Tupac.

Whoa. Yeah, I interviewed him. Yeah, that's online. It was a, oh, there's the interview with Daisy Flindus. Did you shake hands? Did you touch him? With Pock? Yeah, you know, it's funny, as I remember, we were, uh, this was 1997.

It was right before you passed away, and I was in L.A. By the way, he didn't pass away. Well, he would get murdered. I think he got shot a bunch of times. Okay, wait. So technically that's what got murdered? Yes. Okay.

I don't think, I don't think, I don't think, I'm like, unfortunately, uh, he's passed. He's passed on. Yeah, yeah. So I remember I was finished at work and I smoked a joint with my producer at MTV and Tupac arrives and like you got to interview him and it's live with the red light on and I go dude, I can't. I'm too stoned and they said, don't worry, so is he. Red light on and I interview him and I'm so uncomfortable. I'm looking at the floor the whole time and he carries the interview and he mocks, does a white boy voice. He's like, hey, all righty then. I'm sorry. Everybody want to make it a big thing. Everybody wants to get involved in everyone else's problems. I'm so high.

Drama with a comma. Oh my God. We got it going on. I got my man Buckshot. You know what I mean? I got Smith and Wesley here. Brooklyn? I got Greg Nice.

The whole boot camp clip clip represent. Blue camp and outlaws, we all just going to team up and just do this right. We brag nice. Squash all that drama. I hate myself. I hate myself.

How are you trying to be cool? That's what I'm trying to do. I don't got any problems with anybody. Oh, you like it? Thanks, man. I like your stuff too, man. You and Snoop are the homies, aren't you? No, he said you're good.

That's all that. Hey. All righty. We'll be back with the homies. All right. Full-Aid 96. Why don't you guys stick around for lots more fun. Two of America's Most Wanted.

Stay tuned. That's right. I mean, that's kind of crazy. Yeah, that's pretty wild. You had to say the two of America's Most Wanted. I mean, that was the song at the time. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Man.

Oh, God. There was actually a... You were skinny as fuck, dude. Oh, yeah, still am. I think I've probably been 180 my whole life since I was seven. 187. Yeah. On a motherfucking.

That was pretty crazy. Tupac, that was some legendary shit. That is crazy. You meet Tupac. Tupac or MJ. What's that? Who are you more nervous around? MJ.

I couldn't speak. Michael Joy, I'm a big basketball guy and he's like, the word goat gets, there's another pet peeve. Everyone's the goat. No, there's one goat. That's good. There's a greatest of all time. And everyone's king now, too.

Oh, yeah. And twin. And queen. Oh, what's that? It's mattresses. Oh, you know the term unk? Unk is big. I thought it was uncle.

It's uncool. It's uncool. It's uncle. Okay, so how un- Black culture, it's uncle It's been that way for 20 years. I knew that. I was just testing you, good job.

This is our black culture correspondent on Matthew Salligan. I'm actually in African-American culture, it means. Okay, so chopped unk is like a blown-out uncle? Ugly. Oh. Chop is ugly. Okay.

I should listen to this. Hold on. This is good stuff. Hey, there's a conspiracy theory that Steve you wonder can see. Did you guys see this? Yeah, of course. That's a big one. Everybody knows this one. He touches the microphone. He can find it. Yeah, he's got some senses, you know.

So watch this. This is Paul McCartney running by him in one of those things. You play gigs for that long. You know where the mic is. Right. Well, the mic is falling and he catches it. So can a blind guy do this? Let's see. Daredevil can. That's Seinfeld.

Yeah. There he is, Stevie. Catch. He just put his... I think he was just kind of clapping. Oh, that's interesting. But... Don't know if he's getting 20s or one.

Oh, I wonder if he could see a little bit, like an outline. Or maybe he felt someone running by him and he was reaching out to hold their hand and a mic fell in. He went to grab their dick. Right. Oh, my God. So he's a purve who can't see. I'm not buying it. No, I don't buy it.

Wonder is short for like Wonder Schlauzen or something. What's his real name? No, it's not that name. But what's Wonder? Wonderbread? Mm. Anyway, okay. Hardly.

No way. Jutkins. Yeah, Judkins got to go. That sounds like an Indian guy. Steveland. Wait, his name's Steveld? The fuck? Stevelde. Somebody missed, he misspelled that on a paper.

I was born in Saginaw, Michigan. I didn't see that coming. Oh, that's a good wreck, is that song Saginaw Michigan is a great song sung by Lefty Frizzell. Oh, dude. You know who Lefty Frizzell is? I don't know Lest Frizzell is? Oh, he's amazing. He's kind of started, he was like a pioneer of country.

I think, like, they say that a lot of, like, Hank Williams got took a lot from him. He was like the pioneer. And then there was another guy. Yeah, he was one of them. He's an unc. Chopped. Chopped unc, baby. Yeah, Sagina on Michigan.

Great song. I mean, I was sitting in like old outlaw country and never thought I'd get into it. There's where I'm at in life. I got to get into it. I can't keep up with your ADD, man. You're fucking all over the place. It's like Stevie Wonder, Turkish bathhouse. Tupac.

Two of America's most wanted, yo. Come on, players. Just the homies, hanging out. Dude, you know what? I watched. movie that I should have seen that I'd never seen this week. Fucking Dunkirk. Amazing. You told me how good it was. I trust

a Norman wreck. We talked about once. I was like, I got to say, I just ended up buying it and I was like, you know what? It's amazing. It's so well done. It's so pretty. What was the other one? 19. 17. I love that too. That's a one shot. A good war movie done right is a good thing. It's tough to be.

Yeah, dude. Dunkirk is amazing. Because you don't feel, you don't feel guilty getting all misty-eyed. These are kids. You realize what pussies we are. I know. Oh, and how about Barry Keegan in this movie? Talk about a pussy death.

Spoiler, sorry. Everyone's in war. He falls down a flight of stairs. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a fucking rough death. The staircase. He passed away.

Oh. Assassinated. He was assassinated by that. My staircase. But that's a, no, this movie's incredible. Is that the one where the score goes, da-na-na-da-dahn-d-d-d- Yes, yes.

Tom Hardy is a bad motherfucker. He's never not good, Tom. He never speaks. But it's awesome. He's got the late. Mad Max, dream role. Mad Max. You don't talk.

Words in a Hollywood history. But he's in a mask in as Bain. He's in a mask in this movie. He's in a mask in the one you just named. He looks a lot better since mask. I hate myself. Don't do that line of Tom Hardy. He knows Jiu-Jitsu.

He does. He'll whoop your ass. Yeah, he's a real boy. Oh, he's tough, too. This movie rock, though. Great movie. Highest of Rex. I loved it.

I was like, oh, man. have you seen All Quiet on the Western Front? No, I got to see it. The remake is incredible. One of the best movies in the last 10 years, I'd say. I've been on a war kick lately. Me too. Love War. I ran. Yeah. But yeah.

I remember when I did Scary Movie 3 with Charlie Sheen, I was in my trailer watching Platoon just because I'm like, I'm working with Charlie Sheen. And I came out of my trailer, I'm like, dude, I'm watching Platoon. And he looks at me and goes, why? Why are you watching it? We're shooting a comedy. That's a good movie. I wanted to watch it. Yeah.

I did the same thing with Name Drop, Al Pacino. I did a movie with him recently, and I would go to my after work every day. I'd go watch an Al Pacino movie and come to work the next day and ask him questions and he loved to talk. Did I already do this bit? No, I think so. And I would ask him like, oh, I just watched Dog Day afternoon. When you said Squirrel was at an improv and he's like, yeah, I'm so glad you caught that. Wow.

He loved to talk about it. So I would do my homework every night, come to work the next day and talk about his movies and he just loved to... I got to talk about Simone. He's like, ah, come on, what do you do to me? He's working with an awesome actor. I don't know if I said this story, stopped me if I have, but when he took me, he took me. to see stand-up comedy. I think I told you guys

we went and saw Ali Wong. Oh, fun. And he said the last time I saw stand-up comedy was 1984. And I was like,

who did you see? He said Rodney Dangerfield. Like, why are we here? You should have just never seen one again. Yeah, like what? You went out on top. Wow.

But I thought he was, I wanted to talk to him about stand-up and be, you know, bring you guys, you guys know, but he was out of the loop. Was he a fan, though,

of Rodney? He hated you guys. No, of Red Rockers. Is that what you said? Of Rodney Dangerfield. Yeah, he was. He called Sama. But you are.

I could have believed what I had to. He's got selective hearing. Do you like Rodney dinner? You like my movie? Yes, my movie. No, because he said to me, I remember when I went to meet him before we went to Shui at dinner and he put his hand on my knees like, Red Rocket, incredible work. Whoa.

I was like, that's pretty cool. He did his homework. He's a little guy, right? He's a little guy. Just had another kid. Had another kid. Damn. 82, I believe.

84. He had his 84th birthday on set and we sang happy birthday to him. then someone said, and many more. Who did you say for Pacino? A callback works. What say again? Who did you say? You said something before Pacino and it sparked something and then he went on to

Pacino and I lost it. Yeah, he just had great stories and then he said... But who was he talking about before that? Oh. Oh. That's God. This is why I think that I lose it. No, before Pacino.

Oh, Charlie Sheen? Yeah, Plootoon. Platoon? Platoon. Why didn't Sheen come on here? He did a whole press tour. I know. I nudged him too, because. I know how much you guys want him.

And he goes, dude, this is what he said. It goes, the train, something about the train is just needs to be back in the station, meaning he's exhausted. I think he's overpotted. We saw him on something that I was like, oh, come on. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what a legend.

He actually did, when I did a podcast, I asked him to do it. He's like, dude, everybody asks me to do a podcast. And I'm like, he goes, but for you, I'll do it. And then he did mine. He's like, I just opened up the gates now. Everyone wants me to do it. And he didn't do him for years until his recent documentary came out, which was amazing, by the way. There's a wreck.

Loved it. When he's flying the plane in the beginning, are you fucking kidding? Yes. He's flying the plane. He's like, oh, yeah. Yeah, I didn't care for that. If I was a passenger on that flight. Maybe don't let that happen.

Maybe don't be that seduced by celebrity. But even my, I was watching with my wife, she's like, damn, he's charming. She's like, I totally get it. No, he's a great dude, man. And Denise Richards stole the show if he asked me, making sandwiches for hookers. Oh, that, I mean, come on. What a chance. What a lady.

What a champ. Keeper. Yeah. Yeah. But they're done. Talk about too many options on the menu. That was his. Yeah, you flip the menu over.

There you go. I'm good with my options on the menu. In all aspects of life. Has anyone thrown up on the show? No, but I just thought when I burp, it made me think, I wonder. Not yet. It's coming. Oh, is this like the green room in Rogan's Club, the smelling salt.

That'll wake you up. Have you have those? Yeah, you got them. Who brought those in? Oh, I got a funny story. I got a funny story. I got a funny story. Shane, I was hanging with Shane, Shane Gillis down in, named up, down in Austin, and he

brought me to the green room at the mothership, which I guess is like the sacred, you know, situation. And I remember, dude, there was all these sandwiches cut up from, like, a local deli. And I was eating, like, these little, you know, sliced out wedges. And then I see, like, a full sandwich sitting on the counter. And I almost went to eat it. And then Rogan comes in, and it's his sandwich. I almost ate Rogan sandwich in his green room.

That's like shitting in Sandler's green room. Dude. It would have been so funny. Damn. What kind of sandwich is he? Elk. I'm sure it was elk meat or some fucking crazy saber-toothed tiger or sandwich. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. It's made out of Elkink. Dolphin, yeah. It's Hinchcliff's ass. Who knows what it is? But yeah, that's a fun club. Yeah, they did a good job. It very much had the aesthetics of like the seller and the store had like a vibe of, you know.

I took the smelling salts in there. and I did it way too close to my face. No, it hurts. It hurts. And I remember, I remember really like, and Joe just, like, holding me like, are you okay? I'm like, this is embarrassing as fuck. I was deathly hung over and I hit it, and I got to tell you, it cured the hangover. But it hurt.

Oh, yeah. It hurt. It's like a clear. Sometimes I think it's just like, did it cured or are you just in other pain? Right. Maybe that's it. It's literally like, like, I'm hung over and someone kicks you in the nuts and you're like, I'm not thinking about my head right now.

Yeah. You know, it's another bad thing. Right, right. It's an override. You guys looked at like. doing stand-up there. It's a good spot. I liked it. Great crowds. I haven't been there in a minute, but I had a good time.

So there's this Austin, is this like a friendly beef? Like, the Austin comedy scenes better than the New York one. Like, what the fuck? We don't fucking. We clock into our drinking podcast and go up with the cellar and don't give a fuck about made-up Twitter shit. We're not thinking about it. But I will say Austin, no income tax?

Is that their thing? That's pretty good. They beat us on the taxes. I'll give them that. But the comedy, come on. The state. Taxes? That's not the city.

All right, well, the state of Texas has us on that, but that's about it. Most states have us on that. Oh, is that right? I mean, yeah, compared to New York, California. That's crazy. Taxes, Texas, coincidence, I'm just saying. Dallas, dollars. That's the conspiracy theory of mine.

There's no coincidence. Oh, I got it. Can I plug another movie? And they had a shooter in Austin. I got another movie. Finally, I got killed. Oh, yeah. Wait, another one?

No, same one. Okay. I have a movie called Tooe I did. Toe. That's out this month. Rose Byrne, who's out. You're having a moment, and she's great. It's a true story about a woman who live in a car.

I feel the burn. Tarantino's excited for this one. Yeah. It's a movie about a woman who lives in her car. The car gets towed. Oh, never mind. What? That's the premise?

And the whole movie is about her trying to get her car back. Okay. And it's like a heartfelt, sweet little movie called Toe. There it is. Yep. T-O-W. Toe. Oh, yeah.

Look who's in it. Octavia Spencer. Oh, yeah. Great cast. Beautiful cast. Wow. Debbie Lerrins so good, man. She's very attractive.

Roseburn's the best. She's like... Great actress. Yeah, great actors. Australian. Octavia Spencer's great. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah.

Boy, look at you, huh? Do you guys know who Rachel Ward is? No. Do you remember her? She was in like Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid. She was in like... Oh. There's a wreck.

North. Great Steve Martin. More comedy. Humphrey Bogart acting. Yeah. Great idea. Merv Griffin. Well, look at the knobs on Ruth.

She was the hottest, dude. Good, golly. And yeah, and then I did a TV show on Australia, and she was on the show, and I was like, starstruck. I'm like, oh, my God, that was like when I was a kid. I remember, it was like her and Jessica Lang were why I started liking girls when I was like seven. And Rachel Ward was so hot. And there was an actor on the set who was American who was sober, and we went for a drink after. He's like, oh, I've been sober four years.

And she's like, oh, you fucking pussy Americans, just have a beer and shut the fuck up. Whoa. I like, I like this. That's even hotter. Uh-huh. Damn. She was like breaking his balls for being sober. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. She was hot. Look at those melons. I mean, she could nurse Wyoming. I stole that from Jay Leno, believe it or not. What? Yeah, I heard Jay Leno say that, and I've been using it since.

How about that? Damn. I'm what you call a hack. Is it a hack someone that steals? Is that you hack? No, hack is usually a back. Oh, I'm a hack. Just tread it on stuff.

Oh, yeah. Right, right. Sorry, I'm thrown off by the glutes on this. Yeah, how am I supposed to focus right now? We're the most ADD guests of all time. You're showing tits. I'm fucking losing it here, Salacuse. I'm still on Dunkirk.

I can't keep up. Jessica Lang, too. She was hot. Lang. She was really hot. Wow. We, yeah. I have good taste in women.

Oh, yeah. It's so weird to compliment yourself. Everyone has good taste to themselves. Who are some women, some celebrities you've slept with? Well, this one's public information, so it's no big deal. I dated Jamie Presley, lovely woman. Oh. Oh, very attractive.

Yeah, this was back in 2000, I want to say. We did a TV show together. Yeah. And I remember we started dating. I remember the network saying, okay, we can't tell you guys not to date, but please just don't bring your shit to work, basically. All right. And a couple of times we brought our shit to work.

You guys were not getting along. Oh, there we go. Oh, look at that face. Machi. Oh, my God. I've been working out. Yeah. And, yeah.

Well, can I ask you? scary movie six. I know you're not in it. Sorry. But you're part of the franchise. And it's the most viewed trailer of all time. Really? So people are craving comedy movies.

Good. I love that. You look like you're in fucking leave it the beaver here. This is crazy. That's a hunk. It's a Lang story. This is crazy. Holy moly.

You can see how Jessica Lang led to that, right? That's why I put them together. Thank you. Very good. Wait, are they related? No, no. Oh, the ADD. And it's funny.

Normally I'm more into Latinas for anyone out there. Really? Yeah. Big Booty Latina? Come on. Oh. I mean, give me a Puerto Rican or some origin of Latina. Bad Bunny.

Yep. But I was about to say something. Join the club. We can't keep up. By the way, Cardi B just got rid of her BBL. What? Yeah, she took it out. Wow.

End of an era. I got deported. This whole episode feels like a poem. A poem. A poem. What's a poem? A poem. A poem.

R.D.B. got rid of her BBL. What's happening? Dr. Seuss. Oh, my God, she got rid of it, huh? Oh, yeah. Oh, what a nerd. Look at this fucking... She's nothing now. It's like America. You always hear about a coming out.

You never see about a coming in. It's like an immigrant. Oh, we're talking about scary movie. The trailer, Scary Movie 6. Looks funny. I'm happy that Anna Ferris is doing it. She should be. Oh, I like Ferris.

So, yeah, what happened with Scary movie was I did... So the Wayans created the franchise, and they did one and two. And then there was some disagreement. with the Weinsteins. So I think the Weinstein's then took the franchise, and they hired David Zucker. And I played a naked gun, legend. So Zucker hired me. I audition for him, and I got the part.

I probably wouldn't have got it if it was the Wayans. Zucker liked me. So I think they associate me with three, four, and five. Like, I'm part of the Zucker thing. And they're like, so I was not invited to six. But I'm rooting for it. It looks hilarious. And I'm glad comedies are being made and back it looks hilarious.

You were hilarious in three. Thanks, man. That was fun. I mean, Veter used to pull up that clip of you, when you're a pull up the she's dead. Oh, that was the audition scene. Oh, really? And I had a rap like Eminem. She's dead.

Well, just hanging with the homies. Yeah. Oh, God, dude. Why did I ask to pull that up? I know. That was crazy. That's pretty cringe. You look great, though.

I felt great. You look good, man. Yeah, you got a good jawline. Thanks. Yeah, here it is, right? This is above grade here? That's not it. Oh, yeah.

We got to get the whole clip. That's just. Oh, Charlie. There she blows. Funny movie, man. It holds up. Yes, of course I'll tell her. Thank you.

Where'd you shoot this? Vancouver. Sue's teacher Brenda. She's dead. I better tell her. No, no, no. I can do it. Jesus, great.

Oh, boy. This is where the listeners tune out. Sue? Yes. You know your teacher, Miss. Brenda? Yeah. She's dead!

God forever! died a horrible, painful death. God, God! I just ran him over with the car when I was going to be. Everyone you love around is dying. How did you audition for that? That's a hard role. That's real acting.

Zucker was so specific about his... So he has the thing called the 15 Rules of Comedy, which you have to abide by in all of his movies. And some of them are... Like, he has a whole formula. And I actually just did his... podcast and he has like a writing workshop. He has students that he teaches his formula of writing of how to tell a story and do jokes. And he has 15 rules of comedy. You could look that up.

It's really interesting. So you have to do his playbook when you're, it's almost like a coach with a playbook. And he's very specific. Like, no, you need to come up exactly here and be like, he's the best. I've been hanging with Zucker lately. We screen scary movie three in a movie theater in L.A. like a few months ago. And the crowd was singing all the lines along with it. It held up. Like, it's still funny. Everyone you love around you is dying.

It's good stuff. You know, who wrote the movie is Craig Mason. He's the guy who did Chernobyl. Wow. He also did that newer show, The Last of Us. Oh, comedy tragedy. But he comes from, there he is. He wrote Scary Movie 3, pretty opposite of Chernobyl and The Last of Us.

There you go. Hangover 3. Wow. That guy's got a roster. Yeah, a lot of range. Danny Range. I think Nick Offerman talked about him when we were talking about The Last of Us.

Maybe. It looks like he did two as well. Oh, yeah. Oh, Hangover, too. Yeah, yeah. Damn. Yeah, talented cat. Cat Williams.

Cat Stevens. All right. Well, it was nice to make you two genuinely laugh. That was an authentic laugh. Well, it was amazing. The two funniest guys laugh. Mason's writing. Yeah, that's Ryan Zucker's director.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, man. Wow. So, when does this new movie come out? Oh, so, I don't know when this airs March 20th in theaters and then Operation Taco Garys will be streaming on the 24th. That's the one. Yep.

And streaming where? Apple, Amazon, Fortune. Yeah, 4chan. Yeah, 4chan. Oh, baby. So can we do a little Oscar talk before we sign? Yeah, we should do a little Oscar. We tried to, but we just swerved in a fucking snow store.

Yeah, well, you're pal Stavros. He's not nominated, but. Spogonia. Good movie. I thought Stovvy killed it in a Borgon. Yeah. He did great. He did great.

He held his, uh, he held his, I thought Jesse Plemons, he didn't get nominated either, right? No, but he thought he was a snub. That was his, well, I don't know if it's a snub, but he did great. You know, it's funny. Taco Garry's is like a comedy version of that movie. It's about an insane conspiracy there. Very similar movie in the premises around the insanity of some of these people.

Very timely. Yes. But Bologna was great, man, and Stavros killed it. He killed it. Yeah, he held his own with one of the best actors in the world. Yeah. I just loved that the backstory was that he molested him in the house. And they just,

gloss over. I know, but in a fun way. He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, I felt bad about that. Sorry about what I did here in the house, do you? Didn't he get his head cut off with an axe or something? Spoiler alert. Oh, sorry. There's a lot of spoilers in this episode, I guess.

Oh, boy. Yes, he had his head bashed in with a shovel. That was it. Yeah. That's a cool way to go in a movie. Yes, it is. You knew he was going to die in that scene, too. You just know it's coming.

Oh, yeah. Look at him. Anthemos. Yeah, any other Oscar movies? Oh, yeah. The Sinners is up for like 9 million awards. Yeah, I think I have the most nominations in the history of the Academy Awards, but often what happens when it's nominated the most, they don't usually win a lot. It's a weird thing. That's like a fact. Okay.

Because you're splitting, you're like, I'm going to vote here, but not vote here, and everyone does the same thing. And all the votes are split. You're all over the table. Rulet. You get too much, they're just like, it'll get something, and then they vote for nothing, maybe. Uh-huh. And then one battle, of course. One battle's probably going to, it feels like that one's going to.

I didn't see Train Dreams or Hamnet. I know people who liked them a lot. Both. I haven't seen Hamnet, but Train Dreams is good. It's heavy, but very well made. Same guys that did Sing Sing, which was a great movie. If you haven't seen, that's a rack. Great movie.

Hamnet. What the hell is that title? I think it's like, isn't it a Shakespearean story? But why is it called Hamnet? Could he lose his son? Oh, I thought it was a town. I don't know. That's where you catch a pig in.

There you go. These are the nominated for Best Picture. The Oscars are tonight. Let's see how you do. The night. F1 got nominated? Wow. Yeah.

Frankenstein was too hot. You can't make it a monster sexy. Yeah. And the girl was into him, which just shows, you know, we're like a tall guy. They're like a big monster. Yeah. He probably got, Frankenstein got a big dick. He has to.

He has to. Right. Cross that a cock, dude. Frankenstein. Frankenstein hamnet. There's a lot of meat. What else do we got? Yeah, yeah, you're right.

A Supreme, Marty Supreme Pizza. Oh, there we go. Bologna's bologna. Okay, okay. Marty Supreme Pizza, yep. Oh, Jesus, I don't like that. Sinner, dinner? Oh, fuck me.

I just put a gun on. So pick one, each one, pick one just for... For Best Picture? Yeah, I think's going to win or I sure way. That you think is going to win. I think one battle's going to win. I think so, too. I got to go different just because you two quiffs picked it.

So I'm going to go curveball. Marty Supreme. I agree. I just think it's like, it's all about, like, whose time it is with us. Exactly right. Like, you never win when you're... when you're like, not necessarily this isn't a good movie,

it is a really good movie, but like, you know, but you know, one for like, yeah, son of a woman. They owe it to you.

There's a point where they owe you one. Training day. They owe PTA. Not hurricane, training day, right. And then, yeah,

departed for Scorsese. Right. Right. It's his time. It's the body of work. That's absolutely right. You're saying Paul Thomas is over. Yeah,

because I think you can only get snub so many times and he did like boogie nights and Magnolia. Yeah. It will be blood. Because it's not his best movie by far. I don't think so either. Oh, interesting.

But he's a lot. Okay. BTA meeting. I liked it a lot. This is a knife fight. He's a knife fight. What is it? He's a knife fight.

All right. This is a knife fight. A lot of honkeys in there, too. All right. I'm leaning Leo. I'm sticking with it. I might go Hawkeye. Yeah.

Shalamoos out with that ballet comment. That's crazy. I can do it. I think Ethan Hawks should win it in my opinion. Actually, I'm going to go Michael B. He was great. I liked them all. Get his cologne.

I haven't seen a secret agent. Me neither. But I've seen the other four and I probably go hawk, but they're all great. All right. Supporting actor. Sean Penn, he's going to win.

Yeah, I think you're right. He killed it. Although Delroy's got the N-word stink on him from the Tourette's. I think Stelling Scars guy should win it. But she's, we're not talking should. We're talking who will.

That's my favorite movie of the year. Yeah. That movie is fucking incredible. He killed it. That movie was fucking incredible. Ingah, Ibsterter. But Delaware, is pretty fucking good in sinners too.

He's always good. He's always, who's that? The guy that shows up at the house? The old guy who played the, uh, he always brings to heat that guy. Which guy? Delroy Linda. You've seen him. He's in everything.

Get shorty. Yeah. Sure. And last one, guys. That was best supporting. Oh, okay. Who is it? Let's see, best actress.

I'm going Rose Byrne. Just. Oh, kisses. All right. Here we go. I'm going Emma Stone. Yeah. I'm going.

Are she one already? She just won two. All right, fucking. I don't think they're going to get it. Renata Vinesvay, I'm going from sentimental values. She was great. Jet they're saying I loved her and the other one too. What's it called?

The Norwegian one? The worst person in the world. Same director. Love that movie. Yeah, I like this one a little better. That guy knows how to make the fucking movie. Really? That's what a lot of people say.

But I loved, I thought they were both. I think sentimental values a great movie. Great movie. Is it on streaming? Probably. I got to see this movie. Yeah. Everybody's raving.

All right. We gave you a little Oscar shit at the end. All right. Wait, who's best? Oh, you said chumpet. Do we do you do? Best supporting actress?

Who do we do? Yeah, we're going to do the ladies. Yep. You fucking chauvinous pig, Salacuse. Yep. Ah, this is good tequila. Thank you. Yeah.

Best supporting actress. I don't know who's nominated for any of it, so I see this. Okay, Amy Madigan. Oh, I loved Amy Madigan. I liked her. That was awesome. She was awesome. She was awesome.

And they never give it to a horror movie. She's the old scary lady, right? Yeah. She was great. She won the Golden Globe. Did she? Yeah, she did. Which is a sign that she...

Yeah, she's my pick. I think she closed it. I haven't seen all the other ones, so it's hard to say. Seanna Taylor's great, but she's only in it for like 20 minutes. Yeah. Megan still win, though. Woomni. Woomni.

Mosuka. Wait. Mosaku. Okay. All right. El Fanning. Well, I apologize if I hog the mic again, but I don't know what I'm doing. No, it's fun to try to keep up.

It's fun. It wasn't easy. It's fun. I had like nine things and I lost them all. Fuck. Oh, when's this come out? Oh, the Oscars. Yeah, tonight, Sunday.

Oh, but what night is tonight? I don't know, March something. Okay. All right, come on by. Austin. Creaking the cave. I'm doing a quick drop in after some pods. I'm doing crazy promo for the special.

Which comes out? Oh, yeah. It comes out the 17th. Oh, you're new special on Netflix. Dude, can't wait. Yeah. Dude, cannot wait. Dang, it's a phone.

You saw one of my worst performances of all time at the Fat Black, yeah. Wait, what? Remember you came and showed up to be a supportive friend? I ate shit for an hour. It was just not my crowd. Where and when? It was like, I don't know, seven months ago at the Fat Black at the Cellar. Huh.

And you were twitching and twerking. Very forgettable. You were just dying to get out of there. Oh, my. I hope I didn't rub off to bad. No, no. I feel horrible the whole time. I was like, what's going on with this?

crowd. New Netflix special. Yeah, that's amazing. Congrats, dude. Thanks, man. Thanks, man. It's exciting. Big deal.

Keep going. Keep going. Come see him in Portland. That's all sold out. Providence. Road out. Provinence. It's a fun town.

Great town. Fort Lauderdale, Chattanooga, Raleigh, L.A. at the Netflix Fest. Ontario, Nouveau, Brunswick, Spokane. Fun town. Yeah, Philly and Milwaukee. Baby.

I got. I got two. two things on my calendar. Now, I'm going to add some shit soon, but I'm chilling. I just taped the special in Tampa. Very happy with it. Working on the old edit, you were there, Salamanca. And then we got, yeah, May 7th, Netflix is a joke fest. Where am I? Oh, yeah, where am I? I'm going to come bother you there. Lisbon, and you're at the United Theater on Broadway, May 7th in Los Angeles. Yeah, with a few friends, Jordan Jensen, Joe List, Rachel Finest. We're going to have a lot of fun. Oh, dude. And then Lisbon, Portugal, August 30th. And I'm going to add some more Euro.

date. Yeah, you got her. You're all the way over there. I'm going to do it. Lisbon, I've never been. Portugal sounds like a beautiful place. I've never been. It's unbelievable.

By the way, Jordan Jensen, I got to say her special, wow, I laughed out loud a lot. Very funny. We did a pot here with her one day. Yes. She is a funny motherfucker. Oh, yeah.

She's great. Love it. So that's my last wreck and then I'm done. All right, T. We're sorry you didn't get that other guest, but we're also not sorry because you got Simon Redd.

Yeah. Big upgrade. Because that other one wasn't great anyway. He stunk. Lefty for Zell. There you go, lefty. Oh, wait, we got to pay for that.

Oh, you got it. Cut it. Jesus Christ. How many seconds do you get? I don't know. It's going to be seven seconds. Oh, then we're good. Oh, okay, okay.

Oh, there it is. Oh, you're really pushing it. See you the core guy. All right. We got sued. All right, thanks, guys. Let's see you later. Playboy.

Thanks, boys. Getting ready for a game means being ready for anything. Like packing a spare stick. I like to be prepared. That's why I remember, 988, Canada's Suicide Crisis Hubline. It's good to know, just in case. Anyone can call or text for free confidential support from a train responder anytime. 988 Suicide Crisis Helpline is funded by the government in Canada.