We Might Be Drunk - Ep 31: High West is the Best

Episode Date: July 12, 2021

We Might Be Drunk Podcast with Sam Morril and Mark Normand. Drinking High West Whiskey tonight. We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by Honey, visit JoinHoney.com/Drunk to join and support the pod while saving money. Join us over at Patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod for more content. Also Join us on the Discord Server https://discord.gg/cqBHf65BNf Recorded and Produced at Gotham Podcast Studio.

We might be drunk. We might be drunk. As long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit. Hep heaps, rex, and a bit. Maybe drunk. We might be drunk. Yeah. Are we starting up? Oh, we're starting up, baby! I'm already hard! Woo-wee! Hey, hey, we might be drunk! It's the middle of the day here in steamy Manhattan. It's a nightmare out there. 93? Woo! It's a soup! This is do-the-right-thing weather.

Yes! This sticky... Right, Radio Raheem is blaring the ones and twos or whatever that is. And yeah, nightmare. Danny Aiello is throwing people through a pizzeria. Did you say Aiello? Sayello. Aiello. Sorry. Like Paella? Is that who's saying Danny Aiello? I never knew how to say it, to be honest. Well, this ain't going to cool you down, but maybe the ice cube will help.

Whoa! What do you got here? High West Whiskey Campfire. It's a Salt Lake. It's from Park City, Utah. A guy in Salt Lake gave it to me. And by the way, if you're giving us liquor after the show, I really appreciate it. But just send it to the studio here because I'm not checking back. Good point.

Good point. So you did check this. No, no, no. They sent it to me from the club. But I feel bad asking them to do that. Yeah, it's probably a $28 FedEx fee. They kept the tag on, so it was a little more. Oh!

A little bit of a passive-aggressive move, but I get it. Oh, look at it go on that white, icy globe. We got the round balls of ice there. Oh, baby doll. One ball each, just like Lance Armstrong. And Hitler. Cheers. Our two heroes.

That's really good. Oh, my God. What is this? That's High West whiskey. I also think it's a cool bottle. Like, we're making our own whiskey. It's cool to look at how they package this stuff. And look at that.

They got the indentation in there, too. It's really the old west style. Classic. Wow, Utah. Real rangy out there. You can always see that mountain. What is that mountain called? I think it's in Park City.

It's that big one. Oh, shoot. I don't know. It's always in the distance. Man, I remember driving once from Vernal, Utah. Not bragging i played vernal utah vernal it's like oil town there man oh yeah so you know oh by the way they put me in the honeymoon suite it was like that talk about passive aggressive so like we got you a bigger

room i walk in it's like a heart-shaped hot tub oh yeah this is a pathetic room to stay in alone i know right but they're so cool it's very like what do you call it like a lodgy it's all very wooden so lodgy i love that shit we drove from vernal to salt lake and it was like true detective country you're looking to the side you're like they're like tents on the side of the road you're like this is there's some meth going on here no doubt about it white people love meth we love meth and uh heroin you by the way left out the part of the story last week that i hear about from salicus that the reason you were so hung over and needed an iv oh yeah is because you accidentally took what possibly fentanyl what are you thinking that's

why i didn't bring it up well thanks a lot what am i your mother oh i don't know my mom says that but yeah you know it was uh that was it the green hulk that's what the kids call in the street they also call them totem poles because they're long and thin and because you wake up in a repair underwear yeah exactly jesus why would you take that man i why are you taking pills from strangers i they said what do you want in the green room and as a goof like in the rider i said said, tequila, some fresh fruit. And I need a Xanax every now and then just to crash. The club gave you fentanyl?

Well, it turns out the host was an ex-addict. And he was a real bad one at that. He was like, I used to pop three of these a day and go to the fucking strip club and all that shit. So he was like, this is nothing. This is why you've got to bring your own opener own opener i know and not take pills from strangers yes yeah well he thought i was some kind of like drug maniac i guess so he was like oh i'll give him the good stuff but uh this shit i flushed him immediately i still made my shows by the way next day i know but this is not something to be proud of that you can that you can bounce i mean

a little cool but look it's like it's like your joke about being the functioning drug right right yeah yeah it was a bad move and boy i've slept for a good 17 hours and they were my friend it was like weekend at bernie's it was dragging me around san antonio andrew youngblood thank you speaking of native american you didn't know there was going to be a Sopranos movie I cannot believe it You're like one of the biggest Sopranos guys I know I'm a huge fan I've been off the internet a little bit more

Just trying to regroup and the whole thing But the Saints of Newark The Many Saints of Newark Yes great title Oh hell yes Sally Yeah it's his son is playing him Oh wow Dude if you see the trailer it came out I just saw it today Great title. Oh, hell yeah, Sally. Yeah, it's his son. It's playing him. Oh, wow.

Dandelion, his son. And dude, if you see the trailer, it came out. I just saw it today. The mannerisms, the face. Wow. It's pretty. Did you see it, Sally? No, not yet.

It's crazy. I love when they do it. Didn't they get Ice Cube's son? O'Shea. Yes. Yeah. It was great. He was great.

He looks just like him. That's a good cast. But this is weird because this guy's son is, his dad is dead. And also it's like you're playing a character that is so iconic as your first role. Big shoes. I know you are playing your dad in the other one, but it's like, I know my dad. I can just, you know. Yeah.

But like you're mimicking Tony Soprano. That's insane. Yeah. And you know the eyeballs are going to be on you and everybody's going to want to shit on your performance because it's not him people always they hate change but i guess it's the closest you can get and they hate any sort of like origin story that isn't yes this is cool because it's like well it's like you have the superhero origin stories always the first superhero movies but when the sopranos it's the the show was already out this is this is the origin story so maybe you get some built-in goodwill could you see tony struggle and shit i don't know can we see the kid or the son he's probably not a kid at this point you know he died

the tony died or canolfini died at like i want to say 54 or something i think i think younger younger than we just do 49 we drink a lot yeah i think we just did this on the podcast he died in rome like he had a big meal and got shit faced and died i mean it just goes to show you fat is dangerous so is fentanyl from strangers it's bad to be overweight you took drugs from a guy you didn't know but i won't do it again please don't i don't want to fucking do we we might be drunk alone is going to be a depressing podcast. You shouldn't drink alone. Yeah, you're right.

Good point. Good point. I'm here to stay, and you can't stop this ticker. I'll tell you that right now. But I already love the look. It already looks. Well, just play the beginning just so you see his face. Okay.

Just play the very beginning, Matt. Matt, do you want to pull it up in the back? Hit it, Matt. Can you get it on there? Is this? Yeah. Oh, you're pulling up on here? Yeah. I don't see it yet. Do the thing, Matt. Hey Matt, you want to pull it up in the back? Hit it, Matt. Can you get it on there? Is this, yeah? Oh, you're pulling it up on here? Yeah. I don't see it yet. Do the thing, Matt.

Oh, he can't do it. Come on. Oh, no. Oh, they got some phone booths. Is that him? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I can see it. Hey, circle. Wow, yeah, yeah, definitely. He kind of looks and sounds like it, right? Yeah, yeah.

All right, that was it. I just wanted to show you that. Oh, my God. This looks amazing. I'm already hooked. I wonder if I can talk to him. I love that 70s gritty film look. Newark, man.

And Newark, Whitney Houston. And, damn, Jon Bernthal is in it. And that dude who played Hemingway in Midnight in Paris is Uncle June. Oh. He's, you know, a guy from House of Cards and stuff. Yeah. He's great. Great actor.

He's great. I guess June died. Junior? Yeah. No, Junior doesn't die. No, the real, like, the actor. No, he's alive. So why won't they have him?

Oh, because it's the young. It's an origin young. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. It's like, that always kind of bugged me about Better Call Saul. They're doing, like, it's the young. It's an origin young. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. That always kind of bugged me about Better Call Saul. They're doing like it's before, but that actor who's playing Mike is old as shit now. Yeah, yeah. So he's like a badass, but he's got to be like 80.

He's like fucking you up. Well, another worse than the Irishman fight scene. That was embarrassing. I mean, just De Niro like with bitch tits. I know. De Niro, it's weird to see see because deniro was always just badass just because he was badass i mean like raging bull aside obviously he was obviously big in that movie but like you see him like later in like goodfellas he's scary because he's scary yes not because he's

like grip intimidating yeah and then not to mention you spend millions of dollars on that facial recognition with the old and the special effects but then then you can't perfect like a curb stomp kick. Also, I said on Twitter, I said it was the fakest fight since Jussie Smollett. That was, yeah, that must have sucked for Jussie Smollett. I heard the cops called his performance wooden and not convincing at all when he came in. Yeah, those were dark times. That was, what a weird story that was. His sister's still working.

Oh, good. She was in like Birds of Prey. Oh, yeah. That was a pretty cool movie. That poor lady, I mean, the questions like, you're his brother? Whoa, what's he doing now? Was he full of shit as a kid? You know, like all the questions must be a nightmare.

His imaginary friends must have been pretty rude. Yeah, they were all racist. So where were you on the road this weekend? Where the hell was I? Oh, Levity Live. How was it? It wasn't great. Wes and I act?

Good club. Mike or John. John, great manager. Good people there. Good staff. I got heckled the whole weekend. What? Yeah, you know, it is in a mall.

And you hate to say it, but you'll always be in a mall. But good club and comics should work there. Food is good too, right? Food's great. John's great. Everything was great. But just coming back to your house every night is great. It's a 37-minute drive.

Beautiful. Who's opening? Sean Murphy, the great Sean Murphy. He's funny, man. I like him. Super funny. Great guy. He got heckled, and I have it on my phone.

I'll show you later. He snapped on a lady. I've been working with this guy for years. I've never seen him raise his voice. I've never seen him being polite. Snap. Wow. It was wild.

He was like, when Mark gets up here, you better shut the fuck up. I was like, oh, my God. It was like dad in a sleepover energy, you know? I got work in the morning, God damn it. It was fun to see your dad snap. No, not mine. Really? Oh, my God.

Yeah, mine snapped so rarely that when he did, I was kind of like, oh, this is kind of exciting. Oh, really? Yeah. My dad was like the Hulk. It was like zero to 60. One time, I was leaning back in a chair. I love to lean back he goes if you fall i'm gonna kill you i was like i'm not gonna fall and i fell back and the chair snapped like

when i hit the floor it broke and he was like god damn he picked this two piece of the chair up i was like ah he's so tall oh my god i shit myself the parent move of grabbing the wrist was always scary when they grab her because you know my parents didn't hit me or anything but my dad would when i was in trouble they'd grab the wrist and be like ah yeah yeah you're hurting me yeah like when it's like when they say the cuffs are too tight that was the fist grab the wrist grab rather yeah yes my dad would go back of the neck because he wanted to hit me but he didn't want to hit me you know so he would do the back of the neck like i'd be in the tub and he'd be like which is also weird because you're naked you know what's funny too it's like you're hitting a kid in a movie is always so fucked up yeah but in the simpsons it's the funniest

every time he chokes the kid so true that's so true you're right why is that i it's a cartoon i get in the tongues going you know so go to yeah you'll just joking right dad losing it but if you saw that in public you'd be like we gotta call the police yeah it's a good point yeah beauty of animation beauty animation what uh so wes niac just every the late shows were hell yeah and i had to get a tape for a thing and they're just like yeah just film the set and i i got the tape but it's just full of me i called a lady a whore and i flipped out on this freaking guy he was like a guido guy and i was like you fucking phony whatever and like i just went off on these people you ever get worried that in like all it takes is like one nut with a gun to just be like because some of those markets you're like i think when i'm playing like tex something like, some people in here have guns.

Yes, that's true. I love a club with a metal detector. Oh, yeah. Phoenix, big open carry. Oh, how about, oh, yeah, SF, they have the metal detector when you walk. Yeah, that's nice. I love it. Yeah, I love that too.

What was I going to say? Oh, you heard that old Seinfeld story where he's getting heckled by a guy and he goes, I'm just going to stand here. This is like in the 80s. I'm going to stand here until they throw you out. And the guy just, nobody comes. And Seinfeld's like, you're going to throw this guy out or what? And then he's looking to the side, like looking at the security, and a bottle whizzes over

his head and breaks on the brick at the improv. Wow. And he goes, okay. And he puts the mic in the stand and leaves. And he's in the back, like, ready to chew out the manager. He's like, why did you throw that guy out? He threw a bottle at me? What the fuck?

And they go, you better get the fuck out of here. It turns out it was a mob guy. Wow. Yeah, so pretty crazy. Damn. I ran off stage once in Bridgeport. Really? Did I ever tell you this?

Dress Factory? No, Bijou Theater. I might even sell this on the pod. Who the hell knows? Wait, I can't wait. stage once in bridgeport really did i ever tell you this dress factory no uh bijou theater i might even saw this on the pod who the hell i can't wait no i just it was one of the things where this guy just kept going like every other joke heckled me every other joke to the point where i was like you're a dumb i just like i put him down every clever way possible we're 25 minutes in at this point i can't keep putting you down so get to the point where i go you're a fucking neanderthal you're a dipshit you and then he gets up and i was like and you're the largest man i've ever seen in my entire life he's he's huge he's like a fucking linebacker and he's

running toward the stage but you know and it's like that seinfeld thing in your head you're like well someone will get in the way he's standing right here and i was like i don't think anyone's coming whoa he's right here i was like fuck this. I ran out and I hid in the green room. And it's like, it went to the, it was to the point where like, uh, this woman comes in and like locks the door. He's banging, hitting the door. What? Yeah.

And she, I was like, are you going to throw him out? She's like, she's like, you have to go back out there. I was like, you got to throw him. I'm not going to go. It was like thud. And I was just like, what do you, yeah, they didn't do shit. I had to just kind of like, we like waited it out. Wow. Yeah, they didn't do shit. I had to just kind of like, we like waited it out. Wow.

Yeah. Man. It was like, when you wait that out, it's like maybe someone was like, he's not going to come back out unless you leave. So he waited outside for me, by the way, too. We went around and we're like, yeah, it's hilarious when people, the woman, by the way, said, if you don't go back out there, you're not getting paid. It's like when people say the show must go on, it is financial. Yes, completely. I had no attachment to that crowd. paid it's like when when people say the show must go on it is financial yes completely it was i had no attachment to that crowd right he fucking booed me as i had to walk up yeah true story i shit on

the crowd i was like fuck this crowd i'm not going back out there they're fucking assholes screw them i hear the loudest booze ever i'm holding the cordless mic in the green room so they just hear me shit on them i have to go back out and finish the show. Oh, my God. For the people I just insulted. Wow. That's a battle of badge of honor right there. Yeah.

It was not good. Oh, my God. That second half was somehow worse than the first, but. I would imagine. I got paid. You got paid, baby. Did the guy, was the guy out there again? Yeah, he was, but we snuck out the back.

Holy hell. Yeah. See, this is what's beautiful and horrific about stand-up. It's the truest. They call us the warriors of show business, and that's why. That shit ain't happening at Les Mis. Well, then you hear about the Bill Hicks road stories. You're like, well, ours compare.

True. They're not even close. True. He's running towards the car. Yes. It's like a mob with a torch chasing him in Arkansas. It's like deliver's running towards like the car. Yes. It's like a mob with a torch chasing him, you know, in Arkansas. It's like deliverance. He's like every road gig is like a window is getting broken with a crowbar.

They're like, go, go. Right, right. Exactly. So Larry Miller's got that great story where he's bombing at a school attendant. What do you call those things? When the school gets together. PTA? No.

Assembly. Thank you. At the big assembly in the gym. And he's bombing. And they were raising money for some kid who died. And he's bombing. He's bombing. He's like, geez.

What the hell? This set's about as funny as a house fire. Turns out the kid died in a house fire. So they storm the stage. And he's like, ah! And he's running to the car. He was in the middle of nowhere. He was just getting his car.

It was one of those things where the opener dove through the window and his legs are hanging out while driving you know oh like larry miller's voice too is perfect for that sarcastic i love his he used to have that bit where he's like how about these couples that break up and get back together oh yeah yeah it's like it's like taking rotten milk out of the fridge and be like oh this is terrible maybe later so like that delivery is so perfect his old stand-up set you're like fuck he was good he's a beast really good club comic uh and a hell of an actor by the way he's got 10 things i hate about you he's great killer he's great on curb the palestinian chicken episode one of my favorite

eps by the way and dude he has the other bit too about when people break up he has like the classic breakup bits were like the ones who are like you'll never find anyone like me oh yeah has anyone ever broken up with him and been like do you have a twin just classic old school great jokes i love love larry miller i mean he had the the signature bit which was like the uh the drinking guy at the end of the night he's like all right i'm gonna keep drinking but if i go to bed now i'll get six hours then you have eight more shots all right if i go to bed now i get four hours and then you stay up all night great bit i was just in tampa and they told me he would walk in the club and go this is where comedy is made just like he sniffs it like

he's that old school that he's like yes this this room works that does have a scent, that room. Yeah. That does have that old comedy beer-soaked wooden smell. That's just the owner. That's true. Well, yeah, man, I was in Raleigh all weekend, and man, is that a great club. Great. I heard they were losing that room, I hear. They might be. We'll see.

But, man, they'll figure it out. You know, it's got some problems. It's three stories to get up to the bathroom. Good point. I mean, it's like literally, you know, Gary Veeder's opening for me. I'm like, shit, he's got some problems it's three stories to get up to the bathroom so good point i mean it's like literally you know gary veder's opening for me i'm like shit he's got two bits left he takes a while with these one-liners because i make it to the third story person run back you like time and shit yep yeah but uh no killer uh killer room classic killer and that's one of those cool towns that no one really talks about but that's a good town they got tons of

shit to do there. It's like a sleeper town where it's not pretentious. The people are fun. It's not too expensive. They're just happy there. Amazing. I mean, dude, I love Raleigh. It's a great town.

Gary and I went to this restaurant called A Place at the Table. If you don't know it, if you live in Raleigh, hit it up. I'm sure you know it if it's in raleigh it's a five-star meal but if you can't afford the meal they say pay what you can what it's for the community the socialist restaurant yeah well and it's it's they just want to help people so people who the owner i talked to him and he's like yeah we think people should be able to eat well who don't have the means. We want to be a place that's good for the community. It's incredible. It's kind of moving.

Yeah, that is moving. But here's the clinker. How do you have the money to do that unless you're rich? He's got to be loaded, this guy who opened it. I don't know. I think they can. I don't know the system. It would not work in New York.

There would be a lot of people who are like, oh, I got no money. Yeah, exactly. A lot of starving artists be a lot of people who were like, oh, I got no money. Yeah, exactly. A lot of starving artists, a lot of homeless drug dealers, whatever. The meal was incredible. That's great. I mean, I assume you paid full freight. Yeah, of course we paid full price. Yeah, you got it.

But then, yeah, we had a great, great meal. And fuck, so many – I mean, this is a crazy story. I'm in Raleigh. Please. I go to the YMCA. I love a good rec center there's something about i mean look you might get a staff infection you might not but you might also work out pretty damn cheap that's pretty cool that's true there's a lot of wet seats at the y where you sit on the bench you're like ah i've definitely taken a dump at a

rec center and i've had people be like, are you out of your fucking mind? And I'm like, oh, yeah, that's gross. Yeah, well, come on. It's all part of the community. Yeah, I don't mind it. Whatever. So, yeah, I go. You just pull it, Matt.

You just pull up the village people. Why? YMCA. There you go. That's stupid. Holy shit. Connection. That was the most obvious connection ever. And I, wow.

Half a glass of this already hit me i guess and pride happy pride happy pride to our gay brothers and sisters yeah you know uh i'm in i'm in the lap i'm doing laps in the pool i'm swimming the guy next to me comes out of the pool he's an epileptic seizure it looked like a fish flop and it was so terrible. He's like – they had to call the ambulance. We had to all run out of the pool. Terrible. And I felt guilty too because I had an exercise in weeks because of my neck. Yeah.

So it was the best I felt physically in like a month and a half. And this poor guy, you know? And you're like, I can't help you. I feel too good. I don't want to pull anything. Wow. What are we talking about? Yeah. Horrible. Horrible. good. I don't want to pull anything. Wow. What are we talking about? Yeah.

Horrible. Whoa, man. They said he was okay. I went back the next day and they said he was all right. Was he in the water? No, he got out first. Oh, okay. Thank God.

Thank God. The fucked up thing is like I'm looking at this guy before he had it and he's in better shape than I am. Wow. This guy's got a great swimmer body. Just look at the guy. You're like, all right, look at him go. He's fast.

Yeah. I kind of go slowly in there. I just do my thing. But he was cruising. Yeah. And then this happened. It has nothing to do with your fitness, obviously. I guess not.

I guess he's just epileptic. Or did something trigger it? I don't know. Then I talked to another guy. He said it could be dehydration. Hmm. Damn. Man, I guess, I hate to say it, but I wonder if that's a good calorie burner.

A seizure? Yeah, because you figure you're using your whole body but I wonder if that's a good calorie burner. A seizure? Yeah, because you figure you're using your whole body, every muscle is tense. You probably burn like 10,000 calories in two minutes. I don't know. Give that a go, Sal. Well, I was thinking of like, what about an epileptic fish? How do they get out of the water? Oh, man.

Good point. I don't know. Epileptic fish, great punk band but yeah well yeah i heard he's okay thank god terrifying thing to see man just i'm just glad you didn't pull your phone out that's what most people would do in that situation that's i remember one time i was at a club and a comic had a bit of a meltdown and uh at stand-up new york and he basically uh he basically a guy in the crowd was being pretty rude and the guy on stage puts the mic down and does this like fucking like the matrix yeah get

the fuck over here let's go and right as it was going on the host is a guy who knows you know pretty pretty loudly talks about how he knows judo as i'm like this guy could break it up he's kind of a big guy i'm like hey man hey, man, you should do something. Yeah. And he goes, yeah. Takes his phone out and starts videoing it. Do something means break it up. Be a fucking human.

Yeah. Well, it goes both ways because I was on McDougal the other night, and I saw two girls going at it, fighting. And eventually, they started throwing haymakers. You know how girls are just whipping out giant swings and pulling the hair? And one girl was getting the best of her. And as a guy, you're like, what do we do here? And everybody's filming it. Everybody's filming it.

It was like probably 50 people on the street in a circle filming it. And they're hitting cars and falling into the street. The car, the traffic's stopped. And I was like, can you believe these fucking idiots just filming this shit? That is what's wrong with our society. And I went home. it's like i didn't do anything either i just didn't film it but i thought i was better than them i could have stopped it you are a little better a little bit a little bit filming it is like it's one thing to do nothing but to just go in there and be like i'm gonna use this for likes yeah that is shitty it is shitty but that was i guarantee that was a hit

on world star because they were really going at it like slamming her on the hood and shit but a guy a enter what do you call those a delivery guy on a bike stopped and stopped the fight got back on his bike and kept going damn fucking uh that's what it takes well that's what it takes you're the only one who wants to step in there is the one who doesn't have to work in that moment. Right. He's like, it's either this or I got to work. Yeah, but pretty noble to be like, I'm on the clock. You fucking idiots are all drinking and eating at a restaurant.

And I stopped, fixed the problem, and kept going to deliver this fucking pad thai. Uber Beats. Yes! There it is. Maybe he, man, remember that McDonald's that used to be on? Yeah, Five Stars. All right, sorry. But, dude, they had that McDonald's that used to be on West 3rd Street.

There would be fights in there. Oh, my God. That's where like half of Worldstar's videos must have come from. Definitely. What is it with that McDonald's? I think it's just an amalgamation of all the drunks, the subways right there. There's like homeless people. There's like drag queens were in there.

We used to write in there it was used to write in there you and i remember we remember we meet there to write sometimes because we get because mcdonald's coffee was like i was like all right solid coffee and it's cheap and they had a second floor and yeah we could hide in there right dude late at night there it is you know what west village is also becoming low-key time square that goes a couple blocks good point and time square is like you know night you get some loons. Yeah, a lot of characters up there. That's a great point.

You're right. Especially with Broadway not happening. So there's no tourists to shake down. It's coming back, though. Thank God it's coming back. Are you going to – you know what I really want to see is Book of Mormon. I've never seen it. Never seen it.

We should go together. We should go. Let's do it. We'll do a We Might Be Culture. That'll be our bonus. I love it. I love it. I'm going to We Might Be Culture. That'll be our bonus. I love it. I love it. I'm going to have a little more of this.

I know. This is dangerous. I got three sets tonight. I don't. Sets. I always said shows, then sets, then I... Shits. Shets.

My parents went and saw a Book of Mormon, and they were like, it was filthy. Mine too. Yeah. They're like, we liked it. We liked it. But geez, Louise. Man, they're geniuses the south park guys oh my god talk about doing it their way no no better social commentary than south

park because again the animation feel you just go for it i think the south park movie is a top five comedy for me of all time for sure the uncut or the team america uncut uncut both good team america is really good but uncut is, to me, a masterpiece. And it's refreshing as a comic to see these geniuses be that silly and fucked up. Like, they'll do 20 minutes on farting. Yeah. And it's still great. Oh, Uncle Fucker?

That was the whole song? Yeah, it's all very lowbrow, but yet smart at the same time. It's like David Tell. that was the whole song yeah it's all very lowbrow but yet smart at the same time well going to war about and going to war over a movie about two guys singing about uncle fucker is the funniest shit like it's incredible yeah yeah i love those guys anytime i see them interviewed i love them even more they rule man yeah yeah best what uh shout out to lynn manuel and miranda by the way he's going through it right now and he who's done more for broadway than that guy and it's keep fighting a good fight you know what though it's like they go after people that they think will get because they do it with tarantino

and he's just like oh i disagree but when you do with lynn manuel miranda he goes he sucks just i know i'm sorry i know don't give in you've done so much cool shit yeah and then because eventually you're gonna to lose this guy. And then what are you stuck with? You're stuck with fucking, you know, old whitey. Yeah. So don't push the good ones away. I mean, it is what it is.

People, it's currency to them. It's currency. I mean, just who cares? That's my thing. It's like, if you feel bad apologize if you don't don't that's kind of like another to apologize for you did nothing wrong um i think you're doing a lot of good i'm a fan i think yes i think lennon miranda's uh he changed the game he's brilliant man um here here i got a toast to make yes and i feel we haven't even done it yet

but i think we got to do it, man. Guy who helped both our careers. Uh-oh. Conan O'Brien, man. Oh, great one. Great one. How many times did you do Conan? Eight.

I did it six. And I had a ninth on the books, but the pandemic just right in my ass. I mean, that's 14 appearances between the two of us. That's pretty good. Yeah. He let you be yourself. Nobody else would really trust us like he did or J.P. Buck, the booker, I should say. J.P. Buck, who booked the show, was a producer.

I mean, there's no one easier to work with than J.P. Buck. No. He's a great guy. He was so damn good at giving notes. So many people give you notes and you're like all right whatever you know but i was never annoyed his notes always made sense to me completely and he worked with you he wasn't just like this is not good he was like i don't know about this for the show we've heard something like this before it was always good critical notes it wasn't just like i don't like

this or this is too offensive and also the show was on tbs so you could be a little looser than say mbc or cbs totally a lot of these bookers are like i'm like is this really necessary i know you remember uh you know seeing some bits i love get butchered yeah uh but i remember the only note that i remember i remember jp once gave me a note and he said uh you can't wish cancer on someone on conan's national stage and i was like that's a very reasonable that's reasonable uh i had a bit where i told someone i hope you get cancer was that the miles losing miles yeah but it was like one of the lines i say i hope you get cancer and i say treatable like it was a whole thing where i'm like i pull it back a little but i think just i mean damn dude look at that you dabbed dabbed Conan's tie with your – That was – I think you were the first of any of us to do late night.

And that appearance, I remember we were in shock that you dabbed your – you killed your debut. I was terrified and it went well enough that I had a little confidence that I was like, why not just keep being funny? I remember thinking that. He's a funny guy. I'll keep being funny. What could I do? And I just took the tie. And you feel, I felt so silly standing next to him.

You know, the whole like, thanks everybody. Good night. You have to wave. You have to wave. I was like, fuck it. I'm making another joke. That's where the Kevin Hart thing came from. Like, why not just say another joke?

Yeah, he's, he's such a, you know what's great about Conan is he knew when to be straight, man, and he knew when to take over. His instincts are as good as any comedian I've ever seen. And a lot of comedians I've heard be like, oh, Letterman's my guy. I respected Letterman so much, but he was never my guy. Me neither. Conan was kind of always my guy because we were a little younger. My brother was obsessed with Conan. Yeah, we loved The Simpsons.

Yeah. He wrote for The Simpsons yeah the simpsons yeah he's our age more of our age group yeah he was so smart but he never like he never went up there like i'm smart yeah like you would never know that guy went to harvard if he didn't it's like greg giroldo you never would have known he was like a harvard guy unless it was like oh he went to harvard yeah it's cool that he didn't like wear that that's so true and he would take a like look at bill burr who does better panel than bill burr on conan or norm on conan i mean he lets you shine and there's some amazing stuff on youtube with with the panel on conan so give that a look i wish we could have done that i wish to sign off

the what did you listen to his sign off i didn't what? Did you listen to his sign-off? I didn't see it, actually. I didn't see it either. He actually said something you just said, which is, I tried to live in the nexus of stupid and smart. Wow. Yeah. I mean, that's what it was. I mean, the silliness of that show. I mean, I remember the Walker Texas Ranger wheel. He would just keep pulling it. The whole gag was just like, look how shitty this show is yeah that was the whole gag and it kept killing you're like just

show any random clip of this shitty show yeah and he would just keep doing it he had max weinberg yes you know the masturbating berry at andy richter it was great i mean andy richter just picked this spot so well on that show yeah it, it was a classic late night show. And, like, look, everyone's like, he's not dead. And I'm like, I know, but, like, give us a minute. This is what, on the air for 27 years or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I watched it in college. I mean, I love the show, and I love him, and I love that he had guys like us on.

A lot of late night hosts don't care about having stand-ups on. No. I mean, some of them leave when you're when you go on yeah for sure for sure he was always nice and uh he'd come into the green room sometimes you come to your dressing room then you have any good stories like chatting with him after a set yeah well i've chatted with him before once and it was me vecchione and a couple other guys i can't remember but i had like a full comedy green room going where it was like a real hang and we were all eating the cookies

and Conan came up and he was just like, ah, you fucking comics are always mooching and this and that. And he was zinging and zanging and like totally owned the room. And you could tell he's uncomfortable. He's like an awkward guy, which I like more because I understand that.

And we try to talk to him and he would kind of like, you could see he's kind of spazzing out a little bit, like, yeah, yeah, I don't care, but I'll listen. And he was sweet, but he was zinging and zanging. He made fun of me. I was wearing a bathrobe. He went off on that. And like Vecchione is like, this is fucking awesome.

He was always so classy and cool. And yeah, I mean, it's a big deal to that show. He had great writing staff too so shouts out to like laurie kilmartin brian kiley yes master of the misdirect killer uh andre debuchet oh yeah so funny all those guys and uh you know yeah i remember one time i got off and i did a bunch of breakup jokes and he was like jesus christ are those real and i was like oh yeah and he like it was like a nice moment where he's like you know he was like, Jesus Christ, are those real? And I was like, oh, yeah. It was like a nice moment where he was like, you know, he was always supportive after the set. Like he'd always be like, oh, I like that you did this.

I like that. Like he likes jokes so much. He's a joke machine. I mean, he wrote the monorail episode. I know. The Simpsons are fucksake. Come on. So many of the best Simpsons episodes are Conan and, I mean.

Todd Levin. Yeah, yeah. He had everybody. many so many great pop yeah great great group over there yeah he one time i sat next to him and he's doing like this oh yeah yeah you know he's trying to make conversation the cameras were on and i go i just cut him off and i go i love that documentary you made and he goes you watched that which was like yeah i watched i'm a comedy fan you psycho but that's how he was, that he was shocked that a comic would watch his comedy movie. laughter as a kid but then the fact that he's cool and supportive and uh gets it and that you can kind of be yourself like most late night sets they really neuter us they i mean yeah they just

censor to the point where it's like do you want the joke to not be fucking funny i know i know how scared are you like what why did you pick this job i remember i did fallon once and they made it a huge deal that i said the word cocaine. I didn't say I do cocaine. I just said the word cocaine, and it's like, what are we, fucking eight? I know. It exists in the world. You're just going to pretend it's not real? I hate that kind of shit. Like, you can't smoke on this TV show.

Like, there's people who smoke. And I will say that Fallon is very cool, and, like, those guys, they're very – and, like, it's really just – I think it's standards and practices. Yeah, yeah. People with underwear up their ass. They don't want to lose their job over our dumb bit. They're like, I know it's important to you, but this is my fucking career. Sure, we mean nothing. Yeah. And I get that.

But at the same time, like how old are we? Right. Right. I had to fight for two things on Conan and they both hit – I mean Fallon and they both hit. And I remember like feeling like, yeah, you see? to me but it was boner and piss yeah what was the bit i can't remember the bit but it was like uh i was like doing a bedwetting bit i used to wet the bed blah blah and i would always have to make up an excuse at the sleepovers and like what happened here i'm like i must have spilled a cup of piss. That's one of the jokes. And it's like they wanted me to say pee.

And I'm like, piss is the word. It's only funny with piss. And I did piss. And I remember the roots lost it. And I was like, you see, I'm in the clubs every night doing it. You got to listen to me. Yeah, we just want to be trusted, right? That's all.

Like, it's tough. So much we do stand up, a a lot of us because we didn't feel seen in a certain way and you're not seeing us so just see us wow i think i think uh way to break it down with conan it was like you could always push it a little bit which was exciting yes it was exciting to push it it was exciting to be our best conan memory ever i was on a show once it was bill burr and bill hater with a guest that was the show and it was my best set i ever had on there was my second set and uh man it was like one of the best moments of my life like a white man hall of fame i mean it was it was fucking white and burr did a great

panel burr did his caitlin jenner bit oh i remember that was like a pretty incredible episode to be on he did the bit yeah he was like... That has millions of views. He just said, I love Bruce Anderson. Just give me a minute. Give me a minute. That was the bit. And it killed. If a guy shaves his beard, I'm like, oh, he shaved your beard. Let me have a second with it. It's a great point. It was great and I followed that

and yeah, it was a strong set I had and to have Bill on the couch watching it. It was my best was a strong set i had and and to like walk to have bill on the couch yes watching it it was my best set it was so cool that's insane because we obviously look up to bill burr so much and then uh wow yeah it was a cool moment i'm like in between the credits or when i'm just chatting to conan and bill burr i'm like wow what a fucking moment so uh that is a great moment in comedy that that's like being a up to bat and you know like uh mark mcguire's watch he's on

the bench watching you bat that's insane that's a huge huge honor and just a great moment of in time of comedy and bill hader was so fucking nice too i mean it was a cool thing show to be on that was the thing is like you know some of these other shows like uh colbert well they're like they film like eight comics at once, right? Yeah, it's a conveyor belt. So it's a conveyor belt. So a lot of people don't know this. He's not in studio, right?

Yeah, it's pretty heartbreaking. It's a bummer, right? You want the whole show. You want the whole experience. You want to fucking have a run. You want to bump into the other guests in the hallway. Yeah. You want to see, you know, like.

Hey, Edie Falco. Nice to meet you. Have you met her on the show? I met her somewhere else. Really? I met her on Horace and Pete. Yeah, the Louis thing. Yeah, but that's what I'm just throwing out an example of like an actor you want to like bump into on a late night.

You want the whole story. Yes. The conveyor belt thing, it hurts a little bit. It makes us feel that it's special. And guess what? Nights like this, we're not getting the bump that we got like back in the day. Like comics on cars in the 80s, that changed your life. This doesn't do that much anymore.

We're doing it because it's fucking cool. Yes. It's TV. You got a suit on. They fly you out. It's exciting. It's a fun night of comedy, and you earned it. You do all these horrible shows, and now you get to own that channel for six minutes,

and then you're doing it with eight other comics. When I went, I brought Sally there. He brought his wife. We did it up. We stole all the green room goodies. We got to eat after. Love the green room goodies. Yeah.

We were lucky enough to do Colbert when it was still normal, and then it became this conveyor belt. I was the first comic on Colbert that wasn't famous. It was like Seinfeld, Bamford, and then me. That's a feather in the cap. That was pretty cool. And it was good. It wasn't like one of my best sets. I's a feather in the cap. That was pretty cool. And it was good. It wasn't like one of my best sets. I had moments on it for sure.

Mine was weird as well. Yeah, it wasn't like – I always did better on Conan. Yeah, well, you could be yourself. I mean, if you got his handcuffed, it's going to be half the profit. For sure. You talk about geeking out. I'm such a queef. This guy drew a picture of us.

If you can find this, Sally, I'll blow you because this is going to be a deep dive. But some guy drew a picture of us if you can find this sally i'll blow you because this is going to be a deep dive but some guy drew us as the simpsons characters i loved it it's amazing i love that i got a tear in my eye yeah it's just so cool because like you know growing up you're like oh paul mccartney's on the simpsons oh uh deniro's on the simpsons whatever and they would draw him and have his voice i was like how cool is that and then just it's on the we might be drunk page you can just go to oh there you go yeah yeah all right i feel like we're getting i'm getting too sappy here we gotta talk about something yeah yeah let's do some peeves man what do you got i'm all over the row with peeves one and this is gonna make oh look at

that is that up on the board matt oh and come on it's. It's Joe List, fat ass, and then me. They were very generous with my height. You're way taller than me. Both of you guys are. I don't know why they made you chubby, though. Yeah, they gave me a little gut. I'll take it for the height. And then they got you in the cool jacket.

I usually have a 5 o'clock shadow here. That's true. I look like a Persian here. Yeah, you're like the Uncut Gems stunt double there. I look like, well, that's the jacket from one of my specials. Right. I got this. Yeah, dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that jacket. But it's tough to wear a jacket, again, that you wore in a special. Oh, yeah. Because they're like, oh, is this all he wears? Right. Trust me. I know with that.

Everything I do, people go, same shirt i'm like yeah i have six shirts what do you want from me but uh we'll get those suits soon oh my god liberty and state let's uh let's get those suits let's get those suits that's what it's called we got a new sponsor and uh we asked if they'd give us suits if we wore them on an episode and they said yes yeah there'll be a very uh high high uh it'll be a sweaty episode but we'll look great i hope we get fat cat for that episode that'd be a great premiering of the uh the whiskey so yeah all right peeve so i gotta and subscribe to the channel we have a new channel oh yeah well i i assume if they're on this they know about it yeah but just subscribe make sure you subscribe to our new uh we might be drunk youtube page i'm gonna do a post tomorrow because i tweeted it and i put it on Yeah, but just subscribe. Make sure you subscribe to our new We Might Be Drunk YouTube page.

I'm going to do a post tomorrow. We'll keep posting. I tweeted it and I put it on my stories, but I'm going to do a static post because I looked at the numbers. I was like, and I got some messages like, hey, where's the episode? I'm like...

This will be good long term though, probably. Yeah, for sure, for sure. We're going to take a hit in the beginning, but then it'll come back. But, peeve. Now, this is going to make me sound like a real douche. And I'm nervous to even bring it up. Uh-oh.

Not really. But, there's the channel. Oh, yeah. That's a good-looking channel. Watch this. Good-looking channel. Hey, Salak, you subscribe. Well done there, Freddy.

All right. Hey, folks. We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by good old honey. Yes. You know you do the online shopping. We're all hunting for coupon codes and saving money codes and whatever the hell you got to type into that search box. We've all been there, but we don't know the code.

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this pod get honey for free at join honey.com slash drunk that's join honey.com slash drunk and get that honey baby i got a real problem these days with some language barrier stuff okay i get it you know my my grandparents are immigrants they're from italy and all this shit or whatever i get in an uber he's not talking great he's from nigeria i don't give a fuck but i go to my barber shop i've been going there for seven years they're not high end they're not low end they're right in the gooey middle yeah i got a language barrier at the barber he fucked my hair up look at this shit i think you look fine i don't know well you think it's a little too tall on the on the top tall on the top short of the side so i go so what's well if there's more to do why don't you get him to

snip the top well i had to get out of there because he kept fucking it up and i was like this is good this is good. This is good. He was like, I think it was Polish or something. And I was like. You almost sounded like Dice. Learn the fucking language. That's what I was thinking the whole time.

So I go, I like a scissor cut. The only time I like a clipper is around here and the back. And he goes, oh, yeah. And he just takes the buzzer the same way it goes around i was like what are you doing he's like you said uh the the buzzer on the side i was like no i'm at the ear you psycho and uh it was a whole thing damn i'm the same way i just got a haircut too oh there you go but you're you're more like a sheep where you can just shorten that shit you know sheep not a sheep you're not a follower you're just like that's more uh you're more thick i feel like

i'm more stringy you're more like you can just hit you like a lamb the clip fucking lamb well you just got a thick mat you got like a full nerf i i yeah i do the the buzzers on the side and the scissors on the top yes yes that's a move that's a good move you didn't do the scissors on top though here i did i did but it wasn't enough and then he's like i have to blend to blend he only knew he didn't know english there that's you getting a haircut with nick swartz and doing it but yeah uh let's say i'm getting his ass trimmed i gotta wax. That's me in bikini season. Sam's fighting back. That's great. Is this on the board, Matt?

No. This is perfect. Get it up there. Okay, we don't see anything. That's perfect. Oh, that's great. Oh, I love it. Yeah, that's Sam at the barber.

I'm just fucking struggling. Two Armenian men are holding me down. Yeah, that's what I picture. You're like, Armenian men are holding me down. Yeah, that's what I picture. You're like, I need a seltzer. All right. They have now like they serve booze at some barbershops. Mine does.

Well, you kind of want to be like, I can hold off with alcohol for a 20-minute haircut. That's a good point. It's one of the things where you're like, I get what you're doing, but also it's like not the place. What am I going to sit? They're just buzzing it. The hair is going to be in my cocktail. Yeah. This is maybe not the best place. Right.

I just think like there are some places we can go without alcohol. Right, right. Yeah. I say as I drink this in a podcast studio. Well, this is with friends, but you're right. It's supposed to be this classy like James Bond, Cary Grant. Like, you want a whiskey while you wait? I'm like, like no it's noon

i like whiskey but like you know what i want whiskey is the fucking dmv yeah now that's a bit now you're talking that's a great point give me a whiskey at the dmv the post office uh any government building office that's good yeah yeah the barber i don't need i don't need a whiskey so yeah i think you got something there but and then i don't need i don't need a whiskey so yeah i think you got something there but and then i feel bad he's like you sure you sure you need to relax i'm like no you just suck at cutting hair but either way we got through it then i tipped big because i felt like i was a like a big hawaiian cunt in there i know dude i hate when they fuck up and you're like i'll still yeah and then you have's a mirror, so you get to see the whole time. That's me!

That's me! The Seinfeld? That's a great episode. Dude, the Edward Scissorhands. You're watching yourself get fucked. It's horrible. You do feel like a fucking... I'm like a little bitch. I'm in the smock, like, man! He's cutting it more. I'm like, man!

I'm like, you're fucking up. And then he's like, I don't know. You said clipboard. I'm like, man. I'm like, you're fucking up. And then he's like, I don't know. You said clipboard. I'm like, yeah, yeah, you fucked up. Now I got to console your fat ass. I used to go to a place and I gave them a few times and they kept fucking it up. And now it's tough. They're in my neighborhood.

I still see them, but I go to another place. I'm not going back. It does feel like running into an ex. Yes. There's that thing where they're just like, you look well. And I'm like, you too. It's not easy. I went to another place. just like, you look well And I'm like, you too It's not easy I went to another place, that's why I look well

Alright, what do you got? What do I have for peeves? Give me a good peeve, I had to get that out, I got it today I'm loving it, dude I might even go to another barber and be like, this guy fucked me up This might be more of like an upsetting Realization of being older Rather than a peeve, but it's my peeve for the week.

Let's hear it. Nightmares feeling realistic. Oh, I've had that my whole life. When I was a kid, I felt like it was more like murder or like boogeyman type shit. Now it's like a lot of my nightmares are like they're so vivid. I'll have nightmares like I pocket dial someone while I'm talking shit about them. To the point where I'm like, this is so real. Right.

And this is like more of like, ah, this would just be, you know. It's minutia. It's everyday shit. It's everyday shit. But it's also like we were like, ah, now I got to mention this when I see the guy. Like that's the level of nightmare I have where I'm just like, oh, just press end. Just press end. But I can't do it.

That's funny. Your nightmares used to be deadly and now it's just like sitcom like awkwardness it's it's crazy it used to be like my grandpa getting like stabbed and then being like you ever see that scene in fargo where with the uh fuck spoilers if you never uh see it but when the old man gets shot in the gut he goes like right in the gut you know i used to have that like my grandfather getting stabbed you know fargo by the way one of the best oh it's on amazon for free right now if you haven't seen fargo highly recommend one of the one of the best movies in the last 20 years did you have reoccurring

as a kid i have a lot of nightmares i i find that melatonin will give me night yes yes maybe because we're so deep finally deep sleeping sleeping and all the demons come out. Embarrassing story. I once told, Artie Lang told me he couldn't sleep. And I was like, try melatonin. He goes, Sam, I'm a fucking heroin addict. I said, point taken. I'm very sorry.

Have you tried stabbing? Oh, my God. Can you look up, I had a reoccurring dream when I was a kid of going on a safari trip with my parents and my grandmother and lions chasing us. Really? And then we all got chased off a cliff. Jeez. As a kid.

I'm talking like six. Yeah. What does that mean? I love that my mind went to like, ooh, I went on a fucking safari vacation. Yeah. That's where my mind went, but you are getting eaten by animals. Yeah, it didn't end well. I must have seen that in a dream.

Uh-oh, you're running away from your own inner strength. What the fuck? This can be a fear of taking extra responsibility or a fear of being successful. It can be helpful to ask yourself, what is holding you back? Dreaming of fighting with a lion. I tried to do a bit about this that never hit about how when you look up your dreams. I had one that I would just be surrounded by rodents. That was a recurring dream.

Oh. I'd be in a tub of rodents that was a recurring dream like being like a tub interesting rodents and one of the things i saw that came up was like you know changes in your life could be occurring that's what it meant and it's like could you get a different delivery system maybe can we get you know like exactly uh like it's almost like if you're just getting stabbed in the neck a bunch and they're like romantic possibilities away i know it's the weirdest uh way to deliver it yeah like the wooden teeth means you're gonna be rich like that's rich come on what is that that's fucking weird but the brain is fascinating i mean there's some deep caverns that we'll never understand yeah you know what

i'm really fucking excited for our whiskey man oh my god i'm with you i mean this is this is giving me uh there's a problem this is really good this is giving me a – This is a problem. This is really good. This is getting me excited. I know. I want to drink the whole bottle. I got another peeve for you. Hit me. I got one more, too. Apple, dude.

Apple. The fucking – The company? Yeah. They're bucking me, man. Something goes wrong with my – I spent all this money on this Mac computer, and there's something wrong with it like every week. And I literally call in for help and i was like oh my touch bars

doesn't work and they're like all right well restart it i was like oh i already tried they're like we'll just do it again so i restarted and they're like uh all right i was like yeah it didn't i mean it still doesn't work yeah uh well that's uh we ran our test that's all we can do that's it don't we start that's it i couldn't figure that out genius bar my ass like that's a bit of a grandiose term for i have to go to the store now that was all they had oh my god nothing else over the phone yeah what kind of schmucks are you dealing with i'm home like three days a week i'd like to not spend it at the fucking apple store yes uh what a nightmare what's the problem what's what maybe i can fix you know you have the touch bar now. It just doesn't light up anymore.

Ah. Well, you can, like, brighten it. Yeah, yeah. I like that touch bar. I think it's fun. I like it, too. Oh, yeah. You got to get a new computer.

So it's a first world complaint. They better give you a new one for that. A new one? Yeah. I don't want a new one. It's my computer. That's the other thing. That's true.

That's a big feature. It sounds like the light's out or a wire's not connecting. That's a big – it's like your headlight's not working or something. Yeah, that's true. Oh, man, that's a faulty, you got screwed there. I got screwed, buddy. I just got this computer like the end of last year, too. Did you get the warranty?

Yeah. Oh! I do the warranty. I never get the warranty. You're dangerous. I don't have health care either. But that's fucking insane. You make a lot of money and you don't have health care. It health care it's just that paperwork i don't want to do you're an

idiot i need an assistant to do the paper you don't have you don't have health care and you take pills from strangers are you out of your fucking mind i'm gonna get a credit card soon if that makes you don't have a credit card that's another one mark all right hold on a sec i'm gonna get the american express you don't get Lounge. Not getting the warranty is the condomless sex of buying appliances. I've done that quite a bit as well. Well, let's take one thing at a time here. All right, all right, all right. I mean, those days are over.

It's not condomless sex because you don't get new computers if you don't get a warranty. Good point, good point. But you do get a virus. Anti-Norton. That guy killed himself. um you need health care i know i'm gonna get it it's not that expensive and you make a lot of money i know but i could just go to the uh the clinic there the the one if you get hit by a car ah true you could wobble in what do you call that place? You have this like –

Something care. Some people have survivor's guilt. You have survivor's arrogance. That's what you have. Urgent care. Urgent care. It's the only department I'm arrogant in is I've fallen off that moped like you wouldn't believe. That's what I mean.

You live recklessly and you don't have fucking health insurance? There's this thing you can get called catastrophic insurance and it's just anything above $20,000, that's when they start paying. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, and it's cheap. Matt, can you walk him through this one day? That's a great name, too. Catastrophic insurance. So grand.

Fucking nuts. That's a good whiskey. You buy fucking antique BMWs, but you won't get health insurance? I don't play it either. This is fucking – like this is insane. You live like an asshole. You live like a huge asshole. I need asshole insurance.

You need asshole – well, this is like – he just wants this for the documentary is what it is. Where it's like Mark Norman never had insurance, and then he bought another BMW. It's just going to make you look cool in the classic throwback. If it helps, those aren't insured either. We drove to Jersey with no plates and no insurance and a car that barely ran. When you rent a car, do you get insurance? No, never. That's a scam.

That's a scam. They. That's a scam. That's a scam. They know that's a scam. Matt Peters, do you get car insurance? Yes. You do? Salak is due. Oh, you guys are old. I get it for other people's cars.

You're rubes. The scam is. Schmucks. We may be schmucks, but you're a fucking moron. Like, this is insane. Ironically, you guys are the marks. All right, all right. Don't put the crickets. This fucking amazing you're insane you're out of your fucking mind what was that it was a hey-o

oh yeah there you go uh oh i got one more peeve but that was but that was a good little lesson there. I appreciate it, fellas. Another peeve. You ever get somebody giving you a gift, and then they tell you what to do with it? Ooh, yeah. I fucking hate this. Give me an example. It started when I was a kid with my grandmother. She gave me this horrific sweater.

And as a kid, you don't want to wear a grandma's sweater. It had like a dinosaur on it. And I was like, I hate the sweater. And I was like nine. And my mom's like, we're going to your grandmother's. You should wear the sweater. It had like a dinosaur on it. And I was like, I hate the sweater. And I was like nine. And my mom's like, we're going to your grandmother's. You should wear the sweater. I'm like, well, who's the gift for? I got to wear it around her now?

Like this is for her more than me. That was it. The blue sweater up there with the dinosaur on it. That was me. $600. Wow, that wasn't it, obviously. But that's a coach sweater. But it was like that.

I'm not. I don't want to wear this. That'd be hilarious if she got him a $600 the nicest gift of all time no but i looked like a special needs kid i wanted a batman or something fun okay you know what when you're a kid and they're like wear this yeah it's fucking annoying yeah i hated it and i you know i lived in a black neighborhood i was in public school i can't wear a dinosaur sweater what are you kidding so i had to wear it around her but that was just the beginning now somebody gave me a gift i'm not And I lived in a black neighborhood. I was in public school. I can't wear a dinosaur sweater. What are you kidding? So I had to wear it around her.

But that was just the beginning. Now somebody gave me a gift. I'm not going to say what it is because it was a nice enough audience member brought a gift. And he's like, did you do this with it? Have you framed it yet? I'm like, I don't know. Maybe I'll frame it. I don't know.

But it's like work now. Now I got errands with the gift. Yeah. Now I know what you mean where it's like once now. Now I got errands with the gift. Yeah. Now I know what you mean. Where it's like once – it's tough. It's nice. Someone gets you something nice but then you got to – Mark is – we all know he's not going to do shit. Like I get it. I'm the same way.

Yeah. Like have you done this? Have you put it on the wall yet? Have you shown your friends? I'm like, I don't know. Now you're like keeping tabs on me. Like this is now worse than if I hadn't gotten the gift. And it's tough because you want to be grateful and you want to be gracious and all that.

But come on. What are we doing here? No, even with this, I was kind of like, this was incredible. I'm not checking a bag. I don't check bags unless I absolutely have to. Hate checking. The stress of it. Like, will it come out?

Yeah. Oh, my God. Have you been there there have you had that where it never came i uh i mean i had like an incident but i did get it that night but it was okay it was still scary even then you're like fuck because it's out of your control you just maybe i'll get it maybe i won't kind of thing yeah terrifying i've been there it's it's a nightmare yeah it freaks me out i don't want to yeah i don't i just don't want to worry i like having everything there even when you're at the gate and they're like we need you to put it under the thing i was i gary veder and i fly to raleigh and we in la guardia they'll do things where you're like sometimes you just walk straight on

but you know the one where you have to go down steps and then you're just on the street in la guardia you're like what the fuck is you're on queens boulevard all of a sudden it's ridiculous so you're like walking with a with a rolly bag and they're like i'd leave i'm like do i leave it here they're like yeah sure i'm like sure this is my shit i need i need more of a confirmation than sure exactly she said sure like i'm like oh cool thanks yeah i'm so with you i don't even like putting it you know if you're in in 6d and you sometimes you have to go back to like 11 a to put it up you find a spot then you run back to your seat i i'm thinking the whole flight like all right i gotta get up and haul ass back there haul ass back before anyone gets up and just that gives me anxiety pick that seat

so you could get off quickly getting off yes is huge man i hate the person that tries to cut in front of you too i had a guy in i was in the fucking middle he's in the fucking window and he tried to get through me i was like whoa whoa whoa you don't fucking get to just climb above me good good for you i fucking hate that shit it was a kid who did that to me and i was like this little fucking asshole a kid you let it slide but an adult you're like i didn't let it slide i was like what the hell did you spank him i should have i just got angry i just was like what the hell i get it other people were mad at him too he bumped another guy and the guy was like what that people were turned on this we should have just fucking wailed on his ass street justice the delta variant it's like the warriors but it's delta comfort we're just fucking beating the shit out dude i yeah the delta variant

you know delta's not loving that no no corona's like finally we can sell beer again it is hilarious how they come up with names i know i know still better than the uh southwest variant but we can't call it the united variant because we'll never be united as a country you got that right a lot of division but uh my biggest moment in my life before virginity, everything, the lady goes, you got to check your bag. There's too many. We have no more up room. What do you call that? Above ground, above the head.

Overhead. Overhead. There's no more room. You got to check the bag. It's like, ah, I bet there's room. There's always room. Every time you guys say that, there's always room. And she's like, there's no more room, sir.

She's getting all, you know, cunty. And I'm like, ah, I bet there's room. And she's like, there's always room every time you guys say that there's always room and she's like there's no more room sir she's getting all you know cunty and i'm like i'm at this room and she's like there's no more room and i run past her and i get in the plane and there's room immediately and i throw the bag up she's like sir sir she chased me i go look at that look at it and she does a deep sigh and leaves wow best moment of my life yeah there's something about planes now too they did a thing on a flight recently i don't know if it was because of COVID or something, but the bathroom door was locked, and she goes, I have to unlock it. And I was like, well, look at you. Look at the key master right here. Yeah.

What is that? And then she did another thing. This happened recently where I was going to the bathroom. Sometimes they take like an hour to take off, so you have to piss. Like I drink a ton of coffee in the morning. i'm drinking by the way i just saw an article if you drink like four cups of coffee a day great for your liver is that right hey let's go finally some good news with the liver but uh i'm getting up and i'm like i'm like you know hour on the ground 25 minutes in the air so i get up to pee and she goes, the seatbelt signs are still on.

I go, are you going to stop me? And she sits down and she goes, no. And I was like, well, there you go. Exactly. I have an old bit about how planes have turned into school. You know, it's like you can't pee now. You have to ask to pee. You can't get up.

Sit down. Here's snack time. It's like kindergarten all over again. You take a nap. Yeah, you take a nap. And then you hide your phone when she walks by. It's all school again. It is hilarious. You know that the phone really doesn't – it's not a huge problem if we're going by the honor code.

Right. Put it on airplane mode. You're going to trust all of us? Really? I know. I know. Is this really taking down the fucking aircraft? Exactly.

If it did, we'd all be dead because no one is doing that. How did the plane crash? Bob was playing Words with Friends in 4C. Yeah. Ironically, the word of the day was, you know, nosedive. All right. What else? Wreck?

Oh, wreck. Give me a wreck. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. That's good. Good show. Good.

Good. You give me one. I'm trying to think of the name of this movie I watched and I really enjoyed it. Okay, I got a rec for you. Please. Nice luggage. Ah, yes. I have this with me.

This bag. Dude, I just got this bag. I love it. Good looking bag. Game two. Well, you know what? It's got this little thing. I can flip it on my rolly bag.

So I put it on top. I roll it together. Genius. I've never gotten nice luggage in my life. Even my rolly bag is like 50 bucks yeah same i'm a i'm a cheap bastard with that stuff but my back was out so i was like there's a few weeks ago i was like you know what i'm gonna get a fucking bag i throw on top travel has never been the same i'm loving it dude now is this a to me that's the only luggage brand I know is Toomey. What do you call this?

Briggs and Riley. I don't like even saying their names. I feel like we're given a free plug now. Yeah, well, yeah. Hey, Briggs and Riley, if you're hearing this, how about throwing us some more free shit? Yeah, we travel. We just plugged you. Who travels more than comedians?

And we'll keep plugging you because I like your shit, Briggs and Riley. Yeah, it's a good bag. It's good stuff. Wow, yeah. I'll tell you, a good bag really seems to kill. It looks nice and it feels feels nice smells nice is that leather i don't know but it's it is it's got all these little compartments and i'll tell you i brought it perfect for bringing booze and a laptop that i got bring to the mac store so oh yeah and some biscoff cookies that i got from my flight delta delta i know it too well oh there you go sally he's like

a whale or a seal he just throw fucking food out of it he's got a balloon on his nose right now well how about um yeah what's your rack i watched this great documentary sal you might have to do some uh some digging here it's a gay guy in the 70s he produced grease the movie and i watched it on amazon and i was like ah let me try and i try to be a little open-minded with documentaries that's him the little guy down there that's him funny looking guy grease is classic man oh yeah well it was a broadway play and he's like i bet this would be a great movie and he had ideas like that was that revolted breakout that movie well he was on welcome Broadway play, and he's like, I bet this would be a great movie. And he had ideas like that, and he became a millionaire. Was that Travolta's breakout, that movie?

Well, he was on Welcome Back, Cotter, and he was like this TV phenom, and they're like, he'll be the guy. He's amazing in it. Oh, yeah. So is Olivia Newton-John. Oh, so hot. And God, what's her name? The other woman who is, Stockard Channing, isn't that her, too?

Yes. She was probably 31 in that movie. Yeah, classic. Playing a high school character. Classic. What's the name of the guy, though? Alan Carr! It was a great documentary about Alan Carr.

This guy, he directed the Oscars a bunch. And the failures, he had so many failures and then just kept going and eventually died of cancer. But Big Coke Head, that's it. The fabulous Alan Carr. Great doc. If you just want to put something on and just the footage and everybody loved him him. He's got like Clint Eastwood's got him on a headlock over here like old Hollywood stuff when Hollywood was Hollywood like showbiz. He put grease on like he knew everybody. He was the guy to know. Oh, I'm going to watch this for sure. Really fun stuff.

This looks great. Greases will put him on the map, but he a funny guy he was great on merv griffin grease was really pretty cool man i loved it as a kid yeah yeah a lot of good songs in there yeah grease lightning and fucking i've got chills oh yeah they're multiplying and i'm losing control but yeah perfect yeah it was no it was a good time and like you know also it's like hilarious like summer nights like all those songs are like fucking classics yeah well the the whole point of it the of the greece thing was he grew up in the 50s and it was like musicals and all these jolly oklahoma and all this shit and then the 60s and 70s were just like nixon vietnam race riots

martin luther king bobby kennedy and then so this was like getting out of that wow and so it's like fun and poppy and cute yes exactly so it kind of hit home yeah it's just fun it's just completely uh it's a feel-good musical for sure. Oh, yeah. And it's fun to think now because he's gay. Isn't that fun when you know somebody's gay later? It's also interesting, like, yeah, for sure. But it's also interesting to me, like, you look at her in this picture, Olivia Newton-John. Like, she just gets him by dressing, like, kind of slutty.

Like, that's the whole – that's, like, the moral of the story is that she's like, I was a good girl. And then she shows up. She's like, look at – tell me about it. Stud. You're like, oh, she's a slut now. They should be together. This is perfect. Right.

Well, he wore black. Now she's wearing black. So it all fits because that was the whole thing. He was like the bad boy and then she's the cute preppy chick. And so he couldn't be seen with her. Yeah. And then she's like – but then he was like – it was like the lyrics. You better shape up.

It was like, all right. Yeah. You better be a man because my heart is set i know the whole fucking thing she's great man oh yeah she didn't do much after music career dude big touring music act really let's get physical physical she's australian is she hides it well. Interesting. Oh, yeah. Shout out to Australia, man. Heard about the second wave. What? Yeah. Corona? Yeah, man. What?

I thought they were clear. Green clear. Or maybe that's New Zealand. No. Yeah, New Zealand killed it. What is New Zealand? Is that an island? I just put it with Florida.

Florida? I'm sorry. I put it with Australia. It's right next to Miami. Those are the keys. No, wait. I just put it with Australia. I mean, is it the little brother?

It's right there, yeah. Okay, okay. But it's different. It's a different place. How many people live on New Zealand? How big is New Zealand? It's not that big. It can't be that big.

But I remember they were having raves and shit in like August, and we were all jealous. Well, their leadership acted pretty damn quickly, man. Yeah. And it's an island. They did not let people come in. Yeah, it was pretty – they handled it pretty well. Is that it off to the right? The thing blinking?

Yes. Oh, okay. Yeah. So it's basically Australia. It's right there. It's the Staten Island of Australia. Let's be honest. they've given us such great things as the flight of the concords and uh i think peter jackson lives there doesn't he

oh right right yeah yeah oh wow yeah it's supposed to be gorgeous i believe it the pictures are insane what so they have a big booming metropolis i wonder what their export the big export is because australia is a lot of trash let's be honest i've never been have you been i did the melbourne comedy festival and it was it was wild and it's beautiful and it's you and it's a real city, but I mean, I think like 98% of the continent is unused because it's just like wasteland and desert and scorpions and all that shit. So they just hung out by the beach. And it's a great – I'm butchering all this, I'm sure. Some Australians are furious right now. But yeah, it's a wild place. Like they booze it up.

Very Asian. I got to go there. The problem is the money's got to be stupid for me to get on a flight that long. It's a hell of a flight. I mean, it's literally a 12-hour time difference. So you're completely upside down time-wise. That's a classic hotel joke. It's how they're a day apart.

I called myself. I picked up the phone. Exactly. Classic. Yeah, man. I was like, remember that movie Insomnia with Robin Williams? I never saw it. Isn't it in Alaska?

It is, yeah. The sun doesn't go down, so he's all fucked up. Christopher Nolan? Is it? I believe so, yeah. Oh, wow. Not a great picture. It's not great?

It's not great, but it's Pacino and Robin Williams, so you're like, all right, I'm on board. Pacino's great. Yeah, and Robin Williams is playing like a psycho. Pacino's always great as a cop, too. Oh, yeah. He's got the bags under his eyes. Yes. He's got the voice.

Yeah, he's wearing that leather trench coat. I'm just getting warmed up. Oh, yeah. Sea of Love is fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ellen Barkin, hot as shit. Oh, so hot. That's a cool movie. Great movie. There love is fun yeah yeah yeah embarking hot as shit oh so hot that's a cool movie great movie there it is yeah but it was like that like i didn't know where i was when i was and i would end up trying to get drunk to like get leveled and that didn't help so i was a mess out

there damn i gotta do i've never done al Alaska Me neither I have no interest in Alaska I'm not against it It's just like I just wanna go places Yeah We go everywhere We're on the road every week How are we gonna add shit

I think this is the winter Land over there It's just Cold and igloos And oil pigs You know Yeah I think the ratio

To men to women Is like 10 to 1 I think 12 to 1 12 to 1 something crazy i don't want to be anywhere with that few women yeah it's just just for like the barbaric aspect because yeah the women who are there probably think they're the hottest woman every guy is horny as shit exactly exactly it's got to be tough a lot a lot of big egos on the women there i bet oh yeah oh yeah they probably look like matt you know but uh they think they're cindy crawford which really dates me that does date doesn't she have like a hot

daughter now she does pull up the daughter i think pete davidson's dating her isn't he i think he was i think he was uh smashing that cindy crawford that's got to be weird though when like the mom is like legendarily hot i I know. Big shoes. We've come full circle. Yeah, she's pretty. Oh, man. Look at that back-to-back. Jesus.

I'm trying not to get hard here, Sal. What are you doing to me? Mom and daughter. It's my favorite genre. That's a good character. The guy who can't see a hot woman without getting hard in public. I'm at the funeral like, get Uncle Dan Betty out of here. What the fuck?

Get out of the room. I got a boner. Close the casket. Should we do bits? Yeah, what do you got? What do you got? Because I'm not proud of mine, so I'd rather go to yours. Oh, my God.

I don't know what I have, really. Oh, man. How old is she? Mom's looking a bit like Caitlin. Oh. That's not true. That's it. I'm paying her a compliment.

Oh, you see? This is where it gets interesting. Interesting. Oh. What does that say about you? There was a trans woman who just won Miss America. Do you see that? I did see that.

She was hot. Would you? Well, I don't know what's downtown, but if the parts are correct. I'm guessing nothing. I'm guessing it's post. Wait a minute. If there weren't a bikini, I think you, but if the parts are correct. I'm guessing nothing. I'm guessing it's Post. Wait a minute. If there weren't a bikini, I think you would know if there's something downtown. This is not who I thought it was.

I take it all back. That looks like Buscemi. I thought she was a brunette. All right. Oh, this is Miss Universe. Thank you. I thought Miss America was over, by the way. Yeah, I don't know. Who knows anymore? It was Miss Universe. Thank you. I thought Miss America was over, by the way. Yeah, I don't know.

Who knows anymore? It was Miss Something. Mississippi. What is that? Oh, wow. She looks pretty good there. What do we, what do you, I don't know what I have, really. Because all my jokes are either hitting or they're like, all my new shit's either hitting as like part of a chunk.

I don't really have a lot of like-the-feel stage of shit. Right, yeah. I'm tightening this set, so it's just a lot of tightening instead of a whole new idea. For sure. Hold on. Here we go. Easy. Careful.

Googly. Is this too too uh dark so uh i want to do a whole thing about how like all the things well did i might have done that last week oh i got one i got one i need your help with this and feel free to chime in there sally because you're actually a victim of this so you might have a better you might have a better handle on it but girlfriend wants to get married obviously

you know and I got some jokes about that but I want to do this whole thing about how marriage is the only thing that's till death marriage and prison are the only things and life yeah but like you can get a prison sentence which is like oh i got till death but marriage is interesting because you choose till death you know prison's like oh no the death sentence that's the worst you can get but that's literally what you're applying for life sentence yeah. Oh, good point. Death sentence is like the chair. Yeah.

Okay, life sentence. And then at least with jail, you have good behavior. You can get out. You can get out. You know, wouldn't that be nice if you're like, hey, look, I've been a great husband for 10 years. How about a year-long hall pass? Yeah, exactly. Like I should get benefits is what I'm saying. You get good behavior in prison.

You don't get good behavior in marriage exactly that's interesting yes there's there's health benefits uh like insurance benefits which we all know you don't give a shit about this is all foreign to me but uh but other than that with good behavior you just get i guess a happier wife you don't get you don't get any direct perks. Yes. Where's my perks? And I think that would help marriages to last if there was some perks. Because let's be honest, this is more for the lady. The only problem is you're choosing marriage. Right.

So I know it's for her, but you're choosing. I'm going to sound like a therapist here. You chose her, Mark. No, but you're choosing this. Whereas, you know, prison, it has to be someone saying to you, like, prison is a punishment. You're like, this is her idea. I don't want this. It's got to be you defending it.

Right. Yeah. Because I think someone's going to be like, well, Mark, you're choosing marriage. Yeah, good point. No, she's forcing it. Right. Yeah, pretty much. But yeah.

You need a defense attorney to defend the marriage, like to keep her off of you from getting married. Like a defense attorney to argue in your favor. Oh, yeah, yeah. I need a restraining order or something. But it'd be nice to get some perks over the years. You stay with the credit card for a while. What do you call that? It gets bigger.

You can spend more with a credit card. Longer leash. Longer leash. It'd be nice. I should get more perks in marriage. what do you call that it gets bigger you know you can spend more you know with a credit longer leash longer leash i should get more perks in marriage honestly you get less perks right yes you you've been good but the sex goes down right sex goes down marriage the perks go down prison they go they go up so it's like fucked up that this traditional lovey-dovey matrimony thing has worse perks than prison is my point. There's something about this being... There's something here.

Maybe the shower sex? Definitely more sex in prison. Yeah, that's funny. There's more sex in prison. And the food's better. That's not true. But you do get, hmm. Oh, cellmates.

Cellmate, yeah, we're living together. Living together, which, you know, New York apartment's not that much different than a cell. Let's be real. I'm her bitch. Oh. You have to do, you basically, that is kind of funny the angle of you are her bitch yeah like you're basically cellmates with someone who's just much scarier than you yes yes you're just like what do you what do you want to do today right you basically find yourself saying that when you're in a relationship long enough i do it i want to do whatever you want to do

exactly do you really no i just want you to be in a good mood yes they don't beat my ass or kill me or ruin my life yeah i'm in the yard you know i'm doing the yard work yeah she's basically the warden or or a scary cellmate it's something here good behavior yeah or something with good behavior it's hilarious that you're not even engaged and you're already comparing it to a fucking prison i know i'm terrified it just what it scares you about it the most well just because it's like once you sign it then there's no out there's no out i mean there is an out there is but it's a nightmare and it's different you can't be in prison been like this isn't working that's in prison and be like, this isn't working.

That's good. That's true. This isn't working. Then they just beat you up. That's true. But it's the fact that, if I'm being completely honest, I think after you agree to this deal, she can kind of coast. Interesting. Yeah, she's bringing it because. Yeah, interesting. Although, in marriage, you don't have to join the aryan brotherhood just to survive that's another big

one which i could not but uh you could they'd be like we'd be in the shower they'd be like your penis looks circumcised be like shit run yeah yeah there's no jewish group in prison that's funny yeah or the former financiers. That's our group. We got a couple of Madoffs over here. Madoff got a lot of love in prison. Oh, did he? Yeah.

Well, I mean, he's an impressive guy. To them, for sure. Yeah, yeah. If you're a fucking criminal, if you're fucking stealing cars and you meet that guy, you're like, well, you're the king. Yeah, good point. By the way, I watched another great movie. This is another wreck. Good Time.

Have you seen that? Great movie. Great movie. Robert Pattinson? Yeah. He had the Safdie brothers. I never heard of it, and I just put it on. It blew my mind. It's so good.

Yeah, my friend Dina Hashim loves it. She turned me on to it, and yeah, it's great. The paycheck on that was 11 mil. Well, it got him Adam Sandler, though, in Uncut Gems. Hell, yeah. Because they proved that they could make a killer movie. So I think that was like, oh. Because I think they wanted him from the get-go.

And they were like, yeah, but that movie just kept you on the edge of your seat. It's a fucking thrill ride. Amazing with tension. And it's all in New York. And there's no Manhattan. There's no skyline. It's just queens it's grizzly and and the idea that like you're doing it all for your brother and stuff yeah it's pretty man and also just cool like pattinson is a really good actor great actor but people know him from this movie franchise that he even seems to hate yes

kind of funny i mean yeah i'm a fan for sure i love that movie that's my real rick and my gal liked and she hates she's bored during everything and she was like loving it yeah it's a thrill ride and it keeps you surprised like you're like yes there are some things where you're like what big twists big twists it's great my joke so i have a few new things that are like most of my shit is either trash or just working. So I got a few things. But I have one about like therapy, how like therapy is teaching me in relationships. Like when a woman says, I'm upset, to say I understand instead of here we go.

You know, shit like that. I'm already laughing. go you know shit like that i have a thing like women will get mad at you sometimes when they don't uh when they like when you don't ask enough like how they're doing but it's like here's the thing ladies we always know how you're doing yes we don't need to ask it's almost like a weather app where you don't need to check your phone ah it's almost like oh moody okay i don't need to go out i don't even need to pull the phone out for this shit right there's something to me about the weather app on your phone where you go i wish you could get it in advance for women oh you're like saturday's gonna be rough i'm gonna stay in the bathroom a little i'm gonna take an extra long shit and shower today something there right that's

big you can see it beforehand has anyone anyone done the weather app girlfriend mood bit? No, I've heard a lot of weather. It says 50, but it feels like 60. Well, then it's 60. I've heard that a lot. I hate that. That's out there. But this is good.

There should be a woman's forecast. That's big. You know what she's going to be like at 5 or at 8 or on Tuesday. It's going to be rough from 6 to 7 eight or on tuesday it's going to be rough from uh six to seven but it looks like it's going to be pretty chill from eight to ten all right i'm gonna i'm gonna sunshine and similar to your other joke about uh am i stealing from myself at this point is that how fucking uh the phone telling you you get a call and it tells you what oh that is similar but that's different enough

different enough and that was like a fucking throwaway from our rooftop special that was just because you were on those roofs with me sally major bit in my head sally was uh on the roof with me when we did the rooftop special and literally i was telling mark right before this it's like how much we bicker about like matt wants he's the director he wants to cool shots he's like we got to get the sun. The sun is setting. I'm like, cool. The joke is bombing.

Can we get the joke hitting on a different roof? All right. But man, you got to have that in a director. That's a good bit. That's a good bit. I love the idea of a weatherman telling you like, okay, Sarah, right now it's a little rough, a little patchy. But later, later, that's going to be a great time to hang out and all that like i love the doppler you know the whole thing that's gold

there's something there's a lot there you get the app on your phone you're like should i wear a jacket tonight and i should i smile you know should i ask her about uh her job interview or whatever that's big that's a great bit. It's interesting because your behavior can impact her mood. You can do that with the weather. Yeah, like act now. That's basically climate change with your girlfriend. Right.

That's a great premise. So what do we got coming up? So we got one in the bank. So what gigs do you have, Mark? Well, let's see. I'm at the Toledo Funny Bone, Houston Improv. I'm all over the place. Nashville, Brea, California, Philly Helium, Buffalo Helium,

Albany, Dayton Funny Bone, Appleton, Wisconsin, Arlington Improv. And that should do West Palm Beach in Florida, Comedy Connection in Providence, Madison Comedy on State. Great club. You're there soon, I think. I'm there July 8th through 10th. Ooh, Rochester, Richmond, Funny Bone, Portland Helium, and Laugh Boston. I got OKC in July 15th through 17th.

Oh, Bricktown. Fun club. I got Zany's National the 23rd through the 25th. I've got Balmore, New York July 30th through 31st. Oh, Long Island. Yeah, baby. I got Kid Show Business Gary Vita with me for that one as it tells us. We got Comedy Off-Broadway in Lexington in August 5th through 7th.

We got Kansas City Club of the Club of Kansas in Missouri. I hear good things. Yeah, the 12th through 14th. I hear it's great. List loved it. We got Portland Helium 19th through 21st of August. Love Portland. We got Royal Oak, Michigan.

We got Boston coming up. We got fucking Atlanta coming up. Dude, just added Chicago this year, motherfuckers. The Den, look out for it in, I believe, October. Yeah, it's a little tiny theater there. I don't know the Den. It's supposed to be very cool. Got the Den in Chicago. I'm pumped. Gonna be there

in October. We got the motherfucking, we added San Francisco. I know you motherfuckers. We're getting pushy with that. You know I love SF. Trying to make Phoenixoenix and san diego work squeezing shit in but samuel.com slash shows and make sure you uh subscribe to our new youtube channel leave a review yes email us at we might be drunk pod at gmail.com and for the patreon patreon.com slash we might be drunk pod and and it's worth it man we're dropping heat on that sally we love having you in here man yeah good vibes we got a rye on the way fat cat keep a

lookout tell your friends let's all get drunk and do a shot on the road and uh yeah i think that we'll get so we gotta get some merch cooking at some point but uh things are moving we're gonna maybe try to make this into a bar setting. We're doing it. I don't know. I don't want to push it. I don't want to speak out of school. But, yeah, good stuff. Keep drinking.

Tell a friend. Booze it up. Go get them. Stay classy, San Diego.