We Might Be Drunk - Ep 34: A Bar is Born

Episode Date: August 2, 2021

Today's episode is brought to you by Honey, joinhoney.com/drunk We did it folks, we built the bar.  Thanks to all the Patrons that made this possible. Thanks to Matt from Gotham for doing the buildout. We're back together after a bit on the road and we got Dan in studio making drinks!  You should watch the video, find us on YouTube. Also joins us over on Patreon for  more content and more fun.  Patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod  

might be drunk we might be drunk as long as we are hanging out you know we might be drunk raise a glass let's talk shit pep heaps wrecks and a bit maybe drunk we might be drunk holy hell here we are we're in the bar, folks. This is it. The booze den, the den of sin, the... I hate man cave. Anything but man cave. Man cave is annoying. Yeah.

Anything man in front, like, you're going on a little man date. Right. You know, I'm getting dinner with a friend. Exactly. It's not a man date. I hate all the man stuff. Manatee. You name it.

But yeah, so here we are. Matt built us a bar. Manatee. You name it. But yeah, so here we are. Matt built us a bar. It's insane. We're going to put fan art on the wall. I didn't even notice the Pauly Walnuts soprano thing. This is crazy. It's crazy. We got Rodney Records.

We got Meta Knights. This racket makes me think of when they're playing tennis in Annie Hall for some reason. Oh, yeah. It just feels very New York. That's true. I like it. Yeah, this whole thing's a racket. And we're figuring it out.

We got a bartender over here. What's going on, Dan? How's it going, guys? You're 6'12". You got a great head of hair. You got an apron on. What's shaking? You look like one of the Inglorious Bastards.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, you look bad. I don't know. Maybe like a mix of like Eli Roth and any of the other ones. Like you've got a badass vibe is my point. I'll take it. I got the side shaved, but I got it faded so I don't look too much like a Nazi. Perfect.

We'll call you the beer Jew instead of the bear Jew. There we go. I'll take that. The beer Jew. I love it. There we go. He looked huge in that. Eli Roth is like 5'10", but they filmed him and he looked so manly.

He had chest hair i don't know if this is true but i i heard somewhere that it was supposed to be a bigger role and it was supposed to be sandler but he dropped out to do funny people because apatow is but he's great and funny people he is but well that's a whole move about him but yeah i feel like sandler's not tough i like him but but he but no but 90s sandler was just fucking shit up, I feel like. That's true. Happy Gilmore, he's the spaz. Oh, good point, good point. Get in your hole! Yeah, that's true.

He could go angry. I also heard that they were going to make Bob Barker one of the Nazis, and he beats the shit out of Sandler, but they scrapped the whole thing after that. Right, right. You're not pure white, bitch. Oh, yeah. Did you hear Tarantino on any of the podcasts? I listened to everyone.

I'm a huge fan. He's the best. He's the best. He had some great points. I got to tell you, we're talking directors and screenwriter. I watched this documentary called Milius. It's about John Milius. He wrote Apocalypse Now.

He wrote Red Dawn. You know the scene in Jaws where they go, it's a doll's eyes? Yeah, yeah. He wrote that. Whoa You know the scene in Jaws where they go, it's a doll's eyes. He wrote that. Whoa. The industry hated him. He hated Hollywood, but he was such a genius screenwriter that two things, and when I saw this, I was like, I got to tell Sammy about this.

They hated him in the room, and he would go pitch a show, and he's like, they hate me, they hate me. Pitch a movie, and they're like, no, you're a genius. Just pitch. So he pitched this movie, big, detailed, long story long story they go i don't know we we hate it and he goes well not everybody likes macbeth he pitched to macbeth and they turned it down so he just proved to them another story he wrote a script they go it's too edgy it's too dark you got to clean it up so they had a guy cleaning up like a little nerd guy and they said whatever pages you change make those pages blue

they turned their script in with all blue pages it was the same script and they go we love it wow so it just hated him they hated him damn but they thought because the other guy wrote it and they changed it that this will be great now but that's like did you ever hear the val kilmer story about how he tried to get uh the doors oliver stone i don't know if it's true. It's one of those old Hollywood tales where apparently the rumor is that he's like, please give me this part. I know I can play Jim Morrison. He's like, if you don't believe me,

I'm going to send two clips of Jim Morrison, one of me. If you can tell them apart, I'll stop bothering you. And he just sent three clips of Jim Morrison. I've heard that. That's fucking great. That's pretty cool. Good for Val. He's got cancer. That's fucking great. That's pretty cool. Good for Val.

He's got cancer. Is he all right? He's got the thing. Dude, he's such a badass. I know. I love, dude. I loved Val Kilmer, man. Love Heat.

Love Top Secret. We love you, Val. Kiss, kiss, bang, bang. Yes, he's great. I was talking to a friend once, and what I've heard is that he – like he'll just – because he was in – fuck. He was in some movie. Top Gun. No, no, no, no, no.

He's great in Top Gun. But anyway, he texts a guy, a comedian, I can't say his name, who we didn't know that well. But he's like, hey, can I sleep at your place for five days? Cosby. My place is under construction. can i just stay at your place and the guy's like i barely know this guy this is pretty weird and he just has like val kilmer walking around his apartment in underwear wow val kilmer's just walking around my place this is the weirdest thing ever he's like he's a great guy he's yeah it's just it's val kilmer

it's weird that's the cool thing about the old days you could just walk around on the guy that would be on tiktok now and all these reels and shit. No, this wasn't that long ago. Oh, okay. I think the guy he stayed with just wasn't an asshole. Right. Exactly. Exactly.

Sorry, I'm all coughed up here. I'm sorry, man. I can't believe. First off, you're engaged. Oh, jeez. Yeah, I forgot. I can't believe you didn't mention that you were going to pop the question Yeah, he's a hot guy

No, I just, I don't know, I don't want to bother anybody How is that, you think confiding in a friend is a bother That's something you need to bring up in therapy Probably, yeah Because I text Liz and I was like, Mark is engaged And he goes, what? I was like, I would hope you told one of us you were going to do it Yeah, I don't know what I was just i just was so focused on nailing it and by the way

i flubbed the hole and guy i choked really well it's so intimate yeah i got intimacy issues so i got down on one knee and i was like i love you and she's like yeah and uh i said you know will you marry me and all that you know it was great she cried will you marry me and all that. It was great. She cried. Will you unmarry me? Yeah. Yeah. So I speak for a living. I'm on stage every night, and I was on one knee, and I just choked. Damn. It's so heavy.

It's a heavy moment. Yeah, it is a heavy moment. Yeah. And it's different. You see the movies. You see all this shit. But in the moment, it's different. And we had a great moment.

I did it. And there was two old people on the beach sunbathing, two, like, fat 80-year-olds. And after I did it, she's hugging me, we're crying, and the old people go. Aw, that's nice. It was a nice little rom-com moment there. Did you do any special that night?

Oh, yeah. We were in Martha's Vineyard. We told the family. It was all perfect. Nice. Yeah. Very romantic Did your family react

Like were they excited You know They gave me a high five And a shoulder punch It was good It was perfect They were cool They're just happy

I'm doing something You know Adult What a weird reaction To marriage Yeah There we go Alright

Say it again I think this calls for a drink if anything, right? Say it again? I think this calls for a drink if anything. Yes. Hello. What's up, Mark? Can we introduce Dan? Yeah, yeah.

The beer Jew. Dan is here. He's a cocktail cockologist. What is it? Mixologist. Yeah, I'm a cocktail architect, liquor engineer, and all those things. Oh, shit. Well, we got our own rye on the way.

We're ready for fat cat for sure. I'm excited. Yeah. All right. What do you got here? This is an amaretto and bourbon sour. Oh, shit. Damn. That's what I made today.

This is exciting. High end. Oh, boy. This is the recipe I'm working on, so you guys get to try it before it comes out. Oh, damn. Last week we had white claws, so we're really stepping it up here. You know, I'll make White Claws. I don't care, man.

Yeah? All right. Is this like your – are you always trying to outdo yourself with recipes? Are you just working shit out all the time? Oh, constantly. I mean, we're constantly making recipes and new drinks and everything. Right now I'm working on like a – actually, right now I'm trying to run a full recipe sheet of bodega bartending.

Next to every liquor store there's a bodega, right? Yeah. And what do you do when you're pre-gaming? You get a bottle of booze and some shitty mixer and you go and take either really sad quick shots. You pet a cat. Or you mix it together. But for me, I'm doing

recipes where you can make elevated drinks like a nice whiskey sour like this with only things you find at your bodega and at your average liquor store. I like it. The poor man's liquor. Exactly. To the point where you don't even need a shaker. You got hot and sour soup last night. Use that tin.

Shake it up. Poke holes in it. That's your strainer. Holy hell. Like a life hack. Exactly. Hack for life. All right. Hack for alcoholism. All right.

This is exciting, man. Very exciting. All right. What is the real height? 6'7"? 6'7", yeah. Are you 6'7"? Yep.

Oh, my God. I used to work at a carnival. Oh, man. Look, they got swords in there. Holy shit. Hey. Come on. Drinking on antibiotics, folks.

What other pod is doing that? This is not bragging rights. It's like the Chris Rock joke. I never see my kids. What, do you want a cookie? That's pretty good, man. I like drinks where, like, see, I like the taste of alcohol, but it's nice to have a drink

that's that smooth. Hell yeah. Thank you. And the circular ball of ice is a nice touch there. You like balls near your mouth, don't you? There we go. See, I knew it. Thank you. No, I like the balls of ice. They're really cool, man. Hey, man, new studio.

You got fancy new drinks. There you go. You got that right. You got to keep it classy now, right? This feels very out of place. I mean, we love having you here. We love the studio. We got Salicus's fat ass on the blower here.

But this is not – I'm not used to this. This does – Salicus does – he kind of looks like the uncle that falls asleep after Thanksgiving right now. That's true. Isn't that recliner? Yes, he does. A man who has his chair. You know those, when like my grandpa, he was like that. They were like, no one's sitting in grandpa's chair.

Yeah. It's not like that special chair, like to him it is. That's true. Frazier, the dad with the chair. Yeah, my grandpa had the chair too that is so weird that just kind of happens my grandfather had an ice maker in his house and i remember thinking as a kid like this is the height of luxury he's got an ice shaker like a maker he would scoop it good times i love it man well this is exciting so you're you're going to

be married i can't believe you're going to be married i've known you for so it is adult it's funny to say it's funny to call marriage adult yeah but it is there's no kids getting married it is adult totally and i will say it's a load off you know you're just like all right we did have a good night yeah exactly we we got we got that going she's got a ring yeah by the way, the ring is a nightmare to do. You've got to figure that out, get the sizing, what she wants. How do you do that? I hit up her sister, thank God. Wow.

That was a whole behind-the-scenes thing. You think, oh, I'll give her a ring, but you've got to get the right ring. What if she hates the ring? It's a lot. Yeah, that's a big one. Then she's like, where's the wedding going to be? What food? I'm like, I thought it was done.

Oh, my God. Yeah, so buckle up fatty damn you gotta you're gonna have to give us a far out date so we're not uh we're not working well we're doing it new orleans and we're gonna do it like on a weekday so try to get some comics but i understand it's a destination destination wedding how do you decide new orleans i mean she picked it really she lives in in Boston. Boston's ugly and boring, you know? New Orleans is a wild place for a wedding. It's a party town. You go there for celebration, for booze, for weddings, for funerals. You know?

I was just in Nashville, man. I got to tell you, like, I'd never been to Nashville. So fun. Broadway, that's like Bourbon Street, fuck Cancun. That's crazy. Yeah, it's a honky-tonk bourbon. They party, man. Oh, yeah.

It's bachelorettes as far as the eye can see. I've never seen more tiaras in my life. Someone had to be removed from my show because she wouldn't stop vomiting on herself. Wow. Some guy complained, I didn't get to see the last 10 minutes of your set because this woman wouldn't stop vomiting. I was like, wow. That's a bad act. She's like act i can't stand this guy's jokes holy shit yeah that's a great club yeah it's good it's a good time man yeah lucy zany's nashville shout out great time

where were you just i was in houston that's right. Big room. Yeah. Big crowds, big people, big state. Just – I think that's where I got sick. But you get after it every night and the people, they're rowdy, just hooting and hollering. Something about Texas and Florida. You land there, you're like, give me a cowboy hat and a rail. You just want to party. Yeah. I had a guy.

I was like, I couldn't tell what kind of hat he was. I was like, what is that? And he goes, it's a Stetson. I was like, I'm supposed to know what a Stetson is? I'm a Yankee, dude. Right, right. He was so pissed off. Then it turned out he also had an ankle bracelet.

So I'm like, maybe you should be more worried about, you know. Yeah, exactly. I had an old joke. It's like, they hate the mask, but they wear the cowboy hat. I know. I'm like, it's so silly. the mask but they'll wear the cowboy hat I know like it's so silly the cowboy I don't get it I know uh it's a it's a what do you call it sacrilegious or hat religious whatever but it's it's silly you're not you're not riding a horse yeah didn't wasn't it uh Joe List had the bit about how you're in uh you you're in the cowboy store like

and you're just mocking them they're're like, that's my whole life. That's my thing, yeah. And then he had the great tag where he's like, I wonder if they come to New York and put on glasses and go, I'm a nerd, I have anxiety. That's a killer joke. Oh, yeah, he's pretty good, that string bean there. Dude, this is incredible, this studio.

We got the Rick and Morty thing. Sorry, sorry. It's a great sign. Really, this is not a great sign that you're coughing on yourself. He's been COVID tested, folks. Yes. You're not completely reckless, but you're just coughing on yourself. You're drinking booze.

Yeah. But hey, the show must go on. I wanted to see the studio. I wanted to see you. I feel like- This is Hamlet. Yes, exactly. We got to push through.

This is my little skull. I love it, dude. This is a damn good. If you're going to drink, and a little bourbon is not horrible for a cold, right? Good point. Good point. I think you have one. You're okay.

I think you're right. I'll have a hot toddy when I'm sick every once in a while. Yeah. Cut to me on the Amtrak just yacking. I'm like that girl at your show here. But it's an hour and a half ride. I'm going to Philly. Eight shows.

We keep adding shows. That's exciting. That's a great club, Helium. Great. Probably my favorite club. So you're there two shows Sunday, that means? Two tonight, two Sunday, two Friday, two Saturday. That's incredible.

Yeah. I'm there in, I think, September. I'm looking forward. I love that club. Love that club. But I wish i wasn't sick i want to like dive in you know yeah but just dude take care of yourself like that's the thing is you got to pace yourself with this shit because you know you're on the road every week so am i you can't just like yeah you're right cut loose like oh man i saw nate bargazzi in uh nashville we talked for hours after the show. Oh, nice. He's such a great guy to see.

He's such a great comic. He's hilarious. Full of wisdom. Yes. He really is. Don't get into politics with him. But yeah, he's a brilliant man, that kid. And boy, he is shot to the moon.

He's a legit, famous comedian. And he did it with his act. He's a great comic. Did it with his act. I was in LA. I was on the road for over two weeks. Wow. I mean, I did some hot L.A. shows, man.

Saw, you know, Anthony Jeselnik, Bill Burr. Burr is, like, the best. I was so embarrassed. I don't – with the masks and everything, you don't recognize people sometimes. So I literally get off stage and some guy in a mask, sunglasses, and a hat goes, hey, Sammy. And I'm just like, oh, hey. Maybe hey, Sam, whatever. Hey, Sam.

And I was just like, oh, what's up? And then he goes, oh, okay. And then I turned to someone and was like, when does Bill Burr get here? Because I don't want to see his show. And he goes, I'm here. And I was like, oh, Jesus. I'm sorry, man. And no one hates big timing more than Burr.

It was an honest mistake. I just didn't know who it was. I thought it was someone i didn't know but he didn't know that it wasn't big time i mean i'm aware we love the guy but i'm just saying that's how he probably read it no i don't think so but why would anyone big time him no he said i thought we were better than that but it's all right yeah you see grace yeah yeah well you know comics we need an ovation when when a comic walks in you gotta blow when it's someone you haven't seen in a while. Yeah. And I love seeing him. He's the best. He's the man.

He's the best. Probably one of the best cooking. Or ever. Shit, I went cooking. You went ever. Now I got to go ever. I buried you on that shit, dude. He's one of the best.

He's a legend. Mount Rushmore. I'm sick of Mount Rushmore, by the way. Why do I have to limit four comics? I thought it was fave five. Now we're good in a four? Yeah. And what's up with four star, five star?

Which one is it? I don't like the whole favoriting thing. Here's the other thing. Remember MySpace back in the day? This is my top ten or whatever. Why are we always ranking people? How about we just are friends? Bad news.

Least of fighting. That's like girl shit. Yeah, it is girl shit. Because you have bridesmaids. Right. Guys, there's a best man There's just one It's not as competitive Yeah good point

That's true I don't even like the best man idea I don't love best man either Because then your other friend goes Jeez I thought I was in there It's just all bad Because you're picking and choosing I don't like ranking people.

But people love ranking. They love the- Last comic standing. Top 10 list. Survivor. Yeah. The top three. I mean, the podium.

It's all podium. It's the Olympics. Yeah. Bronze. What do you think of that Biles, huh? You know, I think here's my take on it if you work that hard to get there and you think you gotta go you gotta go interesting like cc sabathia one of my favorite baseball players ever yankee alcoholic his whole career he bailed on the

yankees one year to go to rehab but it's like for his family dude like i think if you if you were like this is life and death yeah for me like all right what if she wins and then kills herself jesus like i think mental health is real i i believe in that stuff so uh you know i i did tweet uh i'm gonna take a step away from my mental health to continue to pursue stand-up. Great tweet. Yeah, I'm with it. I just heard Sabathia on Freshers. Yeah, I mean, he was an alcoholic. Oh, shit.

And he was a pitcher. So when you're a pitcher, you can kind of get away with being an alcoholic because you throw like once every five days or something. Right, right. So he'd be like, I'd pitch. I'd party after that night. I'd be hungover as shit. I'd drink the next day,

and then I'd kind of recover for three days. Yeah. But he would go. I mean mean he's 300 pounds it's right he would drink a shitload yeah it's like andre the giant they said he had like eight cases four bottles of wine and you know imagine getting fucked up with andre the giant oh my god that'd be a nightmare you couldn't keep up and then they said he would fart he had a huge dick it takes three people to carry him into the fucking unless you have Hulk Hogan, he carries him to the hotel.

Imagine that Uber, like, no, no, no, no, don't come in. No English. Yeah, right. Yeah, he must be a nightmare to get around, that guy. But what was I going to say? Oh, Biles. My thing is, I get it. Look, do what you got to do.

Protect the health. But like, I don't know. Don't sign up and take someone else could have had that spot. True. So that sucks. But I guess she could have known. She already got a silver though, right? I don't know.

I don't keep up. I mean, is she not the best ever? I think she's definitely the best ever. I don't know. Yeah. I also think like, man, I don't give a – the Olympics just kind of – I don't give a shit either. People are all riled up.

I just don't give a shit. It's patriotism. I get – like I care about like Team USA basketball and we're getting embarrassed, man. Oh, yeah? It's crazy. It's like differences in philosophies because Popovich who's like this genius coach, but then all the players are young and he's an old guy. And I think there's a clashing on what, you know,

what they, what offenses they think they should run. Oh, yeah. So it's a bummer to see America. I mean, I just, you think of America as the dream team,

but these other countries have gotten pretty good. Now our players are better, but they just have better chemistry. Interesting, man. I thought we were the king of, of people. We invented it.

We don't have our best player. Like LeBron isn't playing. James Harden's not playing. Kyrie, AD. Like, all these great players for us aren't playing. Why wouldn't you want an Olympic medal? I would just be like, all right, we'll go grab that. He's already got one.

Oh, he's got one. And I get it. Like, the fucking guy's old. He doesn't want to keep playing. I guess. In the offseason, too. It's year-round. You've got to protect.

He's been injured all year. It just doesn't feel like the Olympics are what they used to be. It used to be like this insane event. Like, if you win, you're huge. Yeah. Now I think you get more clout for pulling out. Yeah. You get some sponsors.

She'll probably get a therapy app or something, and she's already got the gold. Therapy app. This is a great business move. Now she's going to get some love from meditation with Biles. Hey, flip right this way or whatever flip your life around yeah that's a good idea you got jumping hurdles me too come on by we'll get you feeling better or whatever it is you know pretty genius yeah kevin space you can do the me too app so it works for everybody yeah Yeah. And pull out. I get the pulling out. I love pulling out.

But why do we have to throw her a party? Just pull out. Hey, you're out. All right. Who's throwing her a party? Those are the other people. People are like, you're my hero. That's what's weird.

OK. Well, that to me is also crazy. You know, this is – yeah, she's – be your hero for being a great athlete. But look, it's good to say focus on your mental health. I think that's good. I agree. I do think we use the word hero a little too much oh for sure yeah yeah like michael phelps like when people even call him like a hero it's kind of like if you're a kid it's good that but if you're an adult and you're like that's my hero that's fucking weird that's super weird and it just feels like we pick something and we just everybody has to go that way and if you don't if

you go the other way you're you're a piece of shit or whatever. So I don't know. I don't think the Olympics are good for your mental health. No. I don't think any of these people are like, I am connected to a bunch of other people. Right, right. You are literally training all day. Think about the – she's been sexually assaulted.

Think of the abuse in the gymnastics world, right? If you're a gymnastics coach coach you should have a background check like you're assumed you're in fucking isis or something agree that should be the background you want oh you want to train teen girls with tight bodies we're gonna need a minute to go over everything you've ever done yeah that's true we got the task rabbit backstory we should have this guy's exactly there's been a bad uber got interviewed yes uh and they probably haven't by the way but uh you know yeah so that's another thing i also think about like michael phelps everyone talks about like he fucking hated swimming like that really well that'll make you hate it right like think about the hours you have to train

to be that great ah you learn i think you just start to hate it and lose your life and basketball. You can like, kind of, you have other people around training you. You have a connection swimming. You were just in the pool doing labs. I think the mental toughness, like remember when Diana Nyad swam from Cuba to Florida,

it was like 61 miles of swimming. She's getting stung by jellyfish the whole time. She's 61 years old. Can't you get a pool i mean i think she watched it was like one of the things i want to do this and you're also like you know cubans have done this you know cubans have done this that's how they got here right but yeah but she was like i'm gonna do this with like people monitoring me i think that's pretty amazing to me that's one of the most amazing athletic feats just mentally to keep going. Totally, yeah. But maybe you have to have that to be an Olympic winner.

Oh, yeah. It's mental toughness too. I just think when you're swimming for 61 miles, you didn't check your phone for that whole time. That alone is impressive. That's a good point, yeah. No waterproof phone down there. That's a great point. Yeah, Yeah, no waterproof phone down there. That's a great point. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm with you. It's crazy. I just don't think people care as much. Like, do you – give this a gook, Sally. What do you get financially if you win a gold? Because I'm sure there's – One country. Here.

I'm sure there's some – It's about the endorsements. It's not about winning the gold, right? I think you get a little cash prize, though. Oh, no. No? No. You get money if you win an It's not about winning the gold. I think you get a little cash prize, though. Oh, no. No? No.

You get money if you win an Oscar, too, by the way. Nobody talks about that. How much? I think it's like $100,000 or something. Really? Yeah, which, you know, nothing to sneeze at. Yeah, but it's really about, like, you will continue to work, you would hope. Yeah, of course. Thank God.

Who's the guy in The Heat of the Night? Who's that actor? Not Sidney Poitier, though. The white guy. Rod Steiger? Oh, the white guy? Yeah. hope yeah i think god who's the guy in uh in the heat of the night who's that actor not sydney poitier though the white guy rod steiger oh the white guy yeah he could not get a job after he won the oscar for that movie is that right yeah what is that and sydney poitier couldn't after either neither of them could what he didn't win though poitier says here um olympics and The Olympics and Paralympic athletes are awarded $37,500 to gold winners and $22,500 to silver winners. Weird number. That's something.

But then they get to buy it. Well, if Michael Phelps comes back with eight of those. Right, right. And then the sponsor. Who's paying these guys? Company central? I mean, Mike. The Olympic Committee.

Ah, okay. This is so low. But sorry. What were you saying? i'm just i mean michael phelps like subway like every ad he oh yeah this dude is worth bruce jenner that's why he's she uh caitlin jenner i'm talking about bruce right now so slow down people bruce when bruce is the olympic champion wheaties boxes that's where you get that worth is all the sponsorships right right right yeah he was huge i mean remember phelps got in trouble for smoking weed yeah that was big he hit a bong load or something and he lost a cheerios or some cornflakes all i that's all all i saw which first off i know you should be embracing

of course who eats more fucking cornflakes than potheads also this dude's eating probably so much of your shit when he's high exactly and then also yeah michael phelps good boy michael phelps cabinet is he's probably like i am so burnt out mentally because you have to focus so much he's like let me let me turn it off for a second of course what do you do after you fucking take like a big exam in school you get fucked up what do you do when you have like a big work presentation you get drunk or you you get an edible or something you want to shut down it's the american way these are human beings who should be allowed to shut down and we it's also funny how

weed has just the perception has changed so much i know and they got fucked back in the day but it's all changed they should get they should get reimbursed oh man you watch a movie in the 40s they're like we locked him up real good he was smoking reefer yeah yeah he had a jazz cigarette that fucking criminal like no now it's like a healthy thing now doctors like hey you got glaucoma have some uh maui waui or whatever the fuck you know i mean have you been to one of those distilleries no oh the weed places we play oh not what are they called dispensary dispensary yeah it's insane it's crazy like crackers out i know it's wild and i'm not a good weed guy so people like try this try that i'm like if i eat this i'll be cuddling the cat in this corner right now you're pushing feelings away and weed makes you in your head.

And I'm the same way. I mean, that's why I probably bonded over alcohol is because you shut down. Here, here. Well, you gotta shut down every now. Give me the Oscar money. Please. Also, I feel bad you're just sitting there. I want to put you to work a little bit. You alright, man? Oh, I'm good. I'm good.

Helps to loosen the mucus. Can I get another one of these, or is that horrific? That's up to you, bud. All right. Can we go maybe a little less sweet? No problem. I'm sweet enough, as they say. All right.

Thank you, Dan. Absolutely. I'm your board center, not your doctor, so I got you, man. Well, they were considered doctors back in the day. Yeah, like you know you got ghosts in your blood do some cocaine about it hey right i called it elixir or you know some shit they uh yeah that's dude i uh i gotta give you a wreck i got a couple oh please yeah a couple good wrecks first off this is a Salacuse Wreck to me that I finally Watched so I gotta shout out Salacuse For giving me this wreck

The Taking of Pelham 123 From the 70s The one with Walter Matthau and Robert Shaw Dude it's incredible Jerry Stiller's in it Wow I'll take one more too

Just the New York scenes alone i mean so badass so gritty 70s baby one of the best new york movies of all time probably yeah i can't believe i've never seen it it's one of those movies where so basically a subway car gets taken hostage yeah and walter mathau is you know kind of the mta guy who's in charge he's like he's like a transit police or something i didn't even know existed. I'm going to be honest. Of course they exist, but I didn't put it together. Yeah.

And Jerry Stiller. What I love about these guys is literally every person who is informed about the hostage situation on the train is annoyed. It's the most New York. Perfect. Literally every character is like, there's been a train overtaken. They're like, ah, this is exactly what i need today that's my route yeah that's perfect that's how it should be it's the best so good so good when you watch it with this guy he gets all misty because it brings him back to his youth because he's 68 years old but yeah it's great movie rex this guy

oh he gets it he knows what's up uh shit i gotta give you a wreck oh my wreck's not as good as that i got another one too please you go you go first well i was gonna say uh i hope uh nobody's done this but or help i haven't done this already but i think i might have done this oh it's streaming on amazon by the way if you want to watch it oh there you go amazon uh keep airborne in the house you got airborne i i don't believe in it really there was an article a while back just calling it a crock i mean if it's zinc then i i get i i think it's a placebo i don't know well i am i feel bad i'm the sick guy pushing airborne so maybe it is worthless oh we uh mean, I think. Is that a crock, Sally? I don't know.

Look it up. I think it's bullshit. I just spent 80 bucks. Because I used to swear by it, but I just do zinc. I do like coldies are good for me. Maybe I'll do zinc. Coldies are my go-to when I'm, I take them even when I'm not sick. If I just feel like allergies or anything coming on, I pop a coldies.

But then do you worry that, that you know your body will need it no all right airborne agrees to pay 23.3 million dollars to set a lawsuit because they made false claims about i got stacks of it in my apartment i remember seeing an article they were like this because i used to take it all the time and be like this is working but like you just want to believe it's a cure i think i know i do at least oh what a shame are phenomenal books are cherries some of the best oh yeah wait oscars didn't say oh interesting that uh men's next movie they get a of $4.3 million and women get a raise of $500,000. Shut up. That's fucking horrible.

I know. What? Well, you know the story of Lupita Nyong'o from 12 Years a Slave. Way to nail that name. That was the risk. I got it? You got it. That was scary.

She's great. She's a great actress. But she got $13,000 for 12 Years a Slave. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I don't know. And I think she won the Oscar or she got nominated. Wow. But 12 Years a Slave. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I don't know. And I think she won the Oscar or she got nominated. Wow.

She's a great actress. She's beautiful. There's a name for those wages, by the way. For those wages? Yeah. Slave wages. Oh. Did you not see where he was going?

That's a great joke. I was thinking the women angle. That's great. Well done. Well, it's really, you know, 12 Years a Slave is a brutal movie. I couldn't watch it. I used to have a bit about how I saw it in one of those theaters with reclining chairs. You're like, this ain't the way to see it.

You don't want to see this in a luxurious setting. But I remember I went to the cellar after I saw that movie because I was like, oh, my God, what a brutal film. And I walk in and I say, Keith Robinson. I was like, have you seen it? I was like, oh,, what a brutal film. And I walk in, and I say, Keith Robinson. I was like, have you seen it? I was like, oh, it's a terrific film. And he's like, shut the fuck up. He's like, you're not allowed to say that as a white guy. I'm like, I'm sorry.

What? It's a good movie. I know, but he's like, you said it too joyously. I was like, all right, fair enough. I loved it. Wonderful film. I turned it off. Yeah, it was great.

That's funny. Keith is so funny. Check out Keith Robinson. The best. It turned off. Yeah, it was great. That's funny. Keith is so funny. Check out Keith Robinson. The best. Funniest guy. Hey, folks. We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by good old honey. Yes.

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All right, let me give you a... Give me another rack. Oh, I got a peeve for you here. Hit me with a peeve. All right. Okay, this has always bugged me, and I've always known it bugged me, but I could never think of it. And then it happened to me, and I wrote that shit down instantly.

When someone offers you something, like, hey, you want a piece of bread or you want some cookies I made, and you say no, and they get pissed. You know what I mean? You're at somebody's house, they go, I made muffins. You want a muffin? You're like, oh, I'm good. And they're like, jeez, you don't want the muffin? I'm like, so I got to eat the muffin now?

Because you want me to eat the muffin? Why are you hurt? You offered it. I think those people are like like they feel good that you ate something that feels good for you but what feels good for you is actually not eating the muffin right now so they should they should hear you yeah that was like a therapist answer that was really good wow man i should show you should charge me um yeah it drives me nuts people do do that and like it's tough especially people bring food to

show sometimes i'm sure you get this oh yeah it's like one thing to take food from a stranger i'm like i don't know what kind of practical joking the lunatic is like bringing brownies that they laced with something i know i eat every one of them really i can't not eat it if somebody brings me a box of cookies i'm gonna eat them all yeah i'll take it but yeah i just hate when people offer because now you feel like all right i guess i have to take it because I don't want to hurt this person's feelings, even though I don't want a turkey leg at the moment. You know, turkey legs, a tough one. It's a bit a little, you know, and the booze is the biggest one. Hey, you want to drink?

I'm all right. I got hung. Oh, I'm hung over. I've never seen you turn down a drink. That was a bad example. But I just I hate when they get upset when you like you offer it i don't want it and now you're mad at me i think some of those people don't want to drink alone too it's as the other thing like if they're drinking they're like yeah have a drink

with me and you're like yeah i mean i get to wake up early and you're just like come on have one drink do you have one drink and at a certain point you're like all right a certain point this is uh you know it's a bit much it's a lot but that's that's a bit if you offer don't offer it if it's if it's an empty gesture you know you just want me to have it yeah i don't know if your feelings are on the line don't offer it yeah you can't get it you can't get too emotionally attached to the offer yes that's what it really is exactly because i love a muffin but i mean i love a muffin i'm the muffin man but but I got a muffin top. But I'm just saying if I don't want the muffin, it's not a personal attack.

This is another one I get a lot. I got a new phone and I go new phone. Who is this? Whoa, you deleted me. I'm like, it's a new phone. Yeah. Also, maybe I didn't save your number or that. I'll do a thing now where sometimes it pops up on your phone, the name.

So you just don't save it. Maybe John says the john so you forget to say but then like then they text you in like two months right there's none of that right and they're like oh you you don't know and it's just like look man it's not personal it's not personal i'm a fucking mess yes exactly i'm the mess yeah not you you're the egomaniac loser i'm a mess right right fitz dog used to have a great bit about like you don't remember me like when he meets a guy he's like ah and he's like what a dick i'm like how about be more memorable you know like i don't this is my fault you're boring i'm ruining the bit but it was a fair point yeah yeah you know make a splash will you all right well give me a peeve let me give you one more wreck first oh okay so i just read this book called uh

uh the big goodbye it's incredible it's about old hollywood if you like movies you will love this shit it's oh great it's like chinatown, Roman Polanski. It's about Roman Polanski and the Sharon Tate murder, which is like brutal. But then it's a lot about Jack Nicholson, who's just the fucking man. He's the man. As if I didn't love Jack Nicholson already enough. It just made me love him ten times more because it turns out he's like the most loyal dude on the planet. Robert Towne was like a crazy guy.

I mean, you know, it's cool to see that. It's cool that there's still, yeah, he punched up Godfather. He wrote Chinatown. He punched up Godfather. He was like the script doctor. Punch up Bonnie and Clyde. Whoa. They were like, he saved every big Hollywood script.

And he was a genius, but he burnt himself out on Coke. He would take Coke like the way we take like an Adderall. Whoa. But then he would also get, he would drink like vodka to level out. Right, right. But yeah, he was – Ben Affleck. Whoa.

Wow, that could be – dude, I got to say, Affleck's a great director. Is he? I mean, the town is incredible. Oh, he did the town. He starred and directed the town. Wow. And Argo. And the one with Morgan Freeman and Casey Affleck.

Oh, Manchester by the Sea? No, no, no. It's a noir. Oh. Look it up. It's Casey Affleck, Morgan Freeman, Ed Harris, John Ashton. Man, I'm good with actors' names. Yeah, you're killing it.

They're not good with titles. How about, oh, dude, some of the stories in this, like, oh, it's a lot about Robert Evans. Oh, I love Robert Evans. Robert Evans is, is like the ultimate hilarious over the top cliche hollywood character it's he's the producer with the feet on the desk and the cigar and he even talks that way you know he's like dude i told that hebrew to get off my lawn you know like he's so old school he's that's how he called nicholson irish he called yes he called uh town the scribe and he called and he called roman polanski the polack i mean he just called everyone he goes i got the

three best in town you tell me i'm not gonna get it and of course he was like terrified he's like chinatown's fucked the score was fucked but he would bullshit the best one of the best scenes is like this would be hilarious in the scene is he would always fight with like the agents to get the rates lower for the actors yeah so he's arguing with faye dunaway's because nicholson's just calling faye dunaway he was on some set in europe every night like faye we need you we need you for this move we need you for this part we need you for chinatown you are this character yeah you'll nail it like any so like faye dunaway was the biggest diva but nicholson just knew who was great so so she loved

him but she hated everyone else, of course. And everyone said hated her. And he's calling her every night, Faye, we need you. And then Robert Evans is talking to her agent. And he's like, 50 grand is the most I'd give her. And she's like, she'll fire me for that offer. And she'll be right. That's too low an offer for Faye Dunaway.

And he's like, Jane Fonda wants the part. This is how we get Faye Dunaway. That's and he's just like oh god damn i'll see what i can do you piece of shit and they're yelling at each other always in negotiations but they were still kind of friends the next day she calls back you won't believe this but faye agreed to it he goes i'll see what i can do jane fonda really wants it still he calls back and he's like all right you you dunaway's in yeah and he's like all right you you done a ways in yeah and she's like all right agree handshake whatever and then he pauses he's like i'll level with you fonda pass and then and she pauses and she goes i'll level with you too there was no ilia kazan project which she was kind of building up why she couldn't do it so it's like i love it

it's like one of the things you're like oh man it's funny that they're both full of shit yes but they both admit they're full of shit it's a chess game it's who's the better schmoozer who's the better liar i love that shit there's so many great scenes there seems like nicholson won't come to set on chinatown because this is a lakers game going in a double overtime and he's like i'm not coming out of the trailer he's like jack jack come on he's like he's like fuck Like, Polanski takes forever. I just want to watch this one part of the game. Wow. And then they lose.

He'll be in a furious mood. It's like scenes of like Nicholson's, how tight he was with John Huston. Yeah. You know, he's also banging his daughter on the set of Chinatown. John Huston's this like sophisticated older guy who's like, I see you're sleeping with my daughter, you know? And then on top of it, he is banging the daughter in chinatown with faye dunway so he's wow life imitates it's crazy what about uh have you ever seen chinatown oh love it uh big fan but fun two things about nicholson one huge dong yeah yeah I saw a porn star on Howard Stern when I was like 13,

and she was like, I fucked Jack Nicholson. He's huge in the pants. And Howard was like, get out of here. Because he's got a tiny dick. Nicholson won't do interviews. Oh, is that right? I mean, when do you ever see him get interviewed? Good point.

I mean, he's got mystique. Well, he also thinks like if you see an artist get interviewed, how are you supposed to believe them as all these characters? I love it. I love it. He's a guy I'm like i'm worried they would try to cancel him or something but he's so uh he's so beloved sounds like he's not that bad a dude although the polanski thing did happen in his ski house i hope that comes up on the

picture there peters is that his dick he's a fake black dick obviously so oh and then the other thing i watched some documentary on a photographer i forgot Is that his dick? He's a fake black dick, obviously. Oh, I couldn't see it. That's hilarious. Dude, so. Oh, and then the other thing, I watched some documentary on a photographer. I forgot his name, Sally, but he's like, he filmed or he photoed all these huge celebrities in the 70s, and he's like, I did the Nicholson one. He showed up in a Porsche. We shot it on the side of the road. He was super fun and jovial, and then he zooms into the photo and his nose is all white oh yeah just

so much blow they were all that was hollywood in like the early 70s think about all the great movies though from the early 70s and late 60s hollywood oh yeah that was the golden age and then best years another great last thing i won't keep blabbing on about this one thing that like to me was like amazing is uh i mean the most horrible thing ever, the Manson murders, Polanski, Sharon Tate, pregnant, murdered. All those people get murdered in the house. And he was obviously scarred. And then they basically – the original ending for Chinatown, spoiler, obviously if you haven't seen it, like zone out for 15 seconds. You know, Faye Dunaway murdered.

And that wasn't the original ending. Polanski made that be the ending. And they basically said there was no way he wasn't going to come back from Europe and go to LA and not have a beautiful blonde be murdered in the end. Cause that was how he saw LA. Whoa. Isn't that fucking heavy? Heavy.

Damn. That's heavier than the, uh, hot tub rape. Well, that was, that chapter was rough. Oh, really?

Well, yeah. Yeah. I mean, he basically had a 15-year-old. It ain't good. Jeez. He never came. And Nicholson wasn't there. He was gone.

It seemed like he was. But he also wouldn't turn his back. He wouldn't turn his back on any friends, Nicholson. Damn. He just wouldn't do it. Did he do any Polanski movies after that? I don't think so although they almost did they almost did i think i think it fell apart because nicholson wanted too much money i

think yeah he's uh he's expensive dude i mean the deal he got for batman is like the greatest greatest deal ever because he didn't get it back end or something he got like four percent of every batman movie i think oh my god the only way you would agree to it. It was something insane. Of every future Batman movie? Yeah, something like that. Yeah. It was something insane. He's made like 60 to 80 million off that role.

I love that movie. I mean, 1989, it was like I was seven years old or whatever, but it was just so silly. He's got the purple suit, the big gun. He's dancing to Prince. He's so great. You don't rub up another man's rhubarb. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about, but he big gun he's dancing to prince you know so great you don't rub up another man's rhubarb like i don't know what the fuck he's talking about but he just made it so nicholson and keaton was great and keaton's the man hot kim basinger too oh boy those were

good years yeah i feel bad we talk about movies all day long my my girlfriend was like uh or fiance what a weird thing to say i hate that word but uh she was like god boys love movies men love movies i'm like yeah i thought everybody loved movies what i was like i will say this so think about all the great movies from like the 60s 70s a lot of them are male leads most of them are so i do think guys like just the last like 20 years, I feel like women have gotten more complex roles in movies. Maybe that'll get more into movies. Maybe. More women into it.

And they do say men are more visual. Ah. So maybe it appeals to us in a different way. Interesting. Because she'll watch this 90 Day Fiance shit. I'm like, I don't know how you do this. This is like bad for me. Well, that drives me crazy.

I just showed my girlfriend One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. We watched that. And she was like, that was a great movie. Oh, really? All right, all right. But she felt for Nurse Ratched in a way I did not. Interesting. I fucking hated Nurse Ratched.

We all did. Since I was a kid. How do you feel for Nurse Ratched? What do you feel? Because she's dealing with crazy people all day, and she's like, and Nicholson's not even crazy. He's there because he's kind of an asshole. Ah, interesting. And I was like, that's an interesting take, although she also was needlessly mean, in my opinion.

I agree. She was a cunt. I mean, when I was watching that as a kid, I related as she was the teacher, being so mean. Dude, that's so fucking funny. I said the same thing to her. That's why I was bad. All right, our periods are synced.

Nicholson was the bad kid in class. Yes. But he was killing. And he was likable, and he was was like the bad kid in class. Yes. But he was killing. And he was likable. And he was charming. You had to love him. Dude, the scene. I got teary-eyed in the scene.

You know the scene where he gets the votes to watch the baseball game? Yeah, yeah. The World Series. And she goes, sorry, the baseball game. Even though he gets the votes to watch the World Series. Brutal. And she won't let him. And then he just starts narrating the game as if it's on.

And everyone gathers around like, fuck, that got was a special scene beautiful brilliant milo's foreman genius yeah yeah he also did man on the moon damn never saw that it's okay i mean jim carrey's amazing in it but as a movie yeah i shouldn't say that's pretty good i gotta give you a peeve give me a peeve i feel like we we've gone into fucking full Siskel here. I'm sorry, dude. We both love movies. I know. I'm going to peeve.

I got a couple. Oh, boy. Two. This is a small one. I'll do one on myself. I like peeving my own things that I do that annoy me. Oh, I love when you fall on your own sword. First off, this is one.

On the road. You ever do it in a hotel? Are any of these do not disturb signs? Do the end of them not fall off the second you open the door? Ah, yes. Can we get one that sticks to the fucking door? That's true. This feels like a Maniscalco bit. These things, they fall off the door every time I'm in a hotel.

What's going on with these stickers? Yeah, you're right, though. You open the door and they fly in like a feather every time but now they're they're getting they're gotten rid of them they don't do the cleaning with the covid they're still there though oh okay i also i'm just terrified that i'm gonna fly all day do a show at night then get woken up at eight oh been there and they don't take no for an answer you're like i'm good i'm, I think that's how they get paid Is that right?

I think it's by room, isn't it? What? No, give that a go I mean, doesn't that make sense? I always assumed it was like a flight attendant Well, then why do they want to clean it so badly? I think they just, they can't hear you, I don't know Ah, that's interesting I think it's by room they get paid

By room? That's not fair Because what if you just have a shift where everybody's sleeping in? I don't know. Is it like a waitress where you want the good shift? I don't know. I thought it was like a flight attendant. You know, if you're sleeping, I don't have to serve you. You know, so you get a break. What do you think there, Sally?

I'm looking it up. Okay, let me give you another piece. All right. I'm looking this up. This one's on me. I peeve. All right. I've been looking this up. This one's on me. I did this. I was in Nashville. Sorry, flat rate per room.

There we go. What? Per room. Per room. I told you. Wow, I'll let them in now. I just feel bad. There's so much semen on that.

Oh, my God. I'll jizz right on the carpet sometime. You're going to need a flesh blade, all right? Yeah. Are you a towel guy? Do I jerk off? Do I come on a towel?, all right? Yeah. Are you a towel guy? Do I jerk off? Do I come on a towel? Yeah, in the hotel.

No, what am I, a monster? They have to clean those things. Well, where do you shoot it? You think I want them to pick it up and for it to break like a cracker? No. Oh, shit. I thought everybody did that. I go green.

This is going to sound crazy. I jerk off into my palm, and I dump it in the sink. All right. I got gotta get out of here is that weird i've never heard anyone say that my entire life here's my defense because sometimes i used to do it back in the pillow some of those tissues are bad uh not pillow tissues pillow that'd be crazy yeah yeah uh no i do in the's a lot of jizz. It fills up a pillowcase. Wait, so the tissues is not great because it's all over the place. You can't really aim it, I feel.

Well, my issue with the tissues, too, is sometimes you put it on your penis and some of it gets stuck to the hole. Yeah, good point. So I just started doing the hand. I can't cum on the towels. That's a cruel move. I thought I was doing the right thing. I think you're doing the wrong thing. Wow. Yeah, when I leave, those towels look like cardboard.

I have no opinion. I will tell you, this is a shitty thing I have done. I don't do it as much, but I used to only trim my pubes on the road. I don't like the cleanup at home. That makes sense. I tip extra. That makes sense. I think if you do it over the toilet or in the shower.

I tip extra in the room, but I also, yeah, I'll do. You don't want to hit that on the bedspread. I wouldn't trim my pubes over the bed. I do it over the toilet. You can lay down, get the legs up. I don't know. Why, you're coming in your own hand. I don't know what else is going on in that room.

Well, then I wash my hands. I've been shaking your hands for 20 years. This is weird. Well, I wash them. I'm just worried you're going to mix the Purell and the jizz one day. Like, alright, I got my sanitizer. Muscle memory. Holy hell. I don't jerk off with Purell.

No, no, that would be... It burns too much. But so does the loneliness, right? Well, at least your dick's clean. Man, jerk off in the hand. I don't know. My jizz is very temperamental. It's sporadic. Is it?

Yeah, it shoots at one of them. Like a woman. Yeah, exactly. So I like how you're trying to pull a green thing. You know, I go green. What are you kidding? I just don't like... The options are tissue, towel.

Floor. Floor is ridiculous. Drapes. The floor. I like to open the Bible and jizz in it And close it That's what I do Right on Luke That one's gonna get us

Demonetized on YouTube I think Yeah The bible's still in there I check every time sometimes if it's one of those uh shampoo conditioner lotion things yeah i dump a little in the conditioner just to mix it up just you know they won't know the difference yeah that guy's got a decent piece on the left what about oh you found oh you don't want that on your search history bible jizz man you're gonna to get flagged. God hates flags.

It's not like there aren't any in the church, let's be honest. There's a kneeler for a reason, folks. How weird is that for you as a Jewish guy with the confession box and the pedophilia? Isn't that kooky? Why is that kooky for me? Well, I went to Catholic school school so i've kind of like seen it all front and center you know uh yeah i don't i mean jews don't do confession we just kvetch ah we just complain all the time we turn complaining into an art form like people it's

funny jews will complain this is not just jews a lot of new yorkers do this too a lot of new yorkers have taken on the persona of jews like seinfeld is very new yorkie right you humor even if he's costanza let's be real he's a jew yeah you know uh but you know you complain and it's amazing you just see a friend you haven't seen forever and you're just like and then this happened and then i go to the store and there's a line yeah and then i go to the atm and there's a line and then i get cut off in traffic and then you're like all right good talk that's all it is you're like, all right, good talk. That's all it is. You don't feel drained because that's just like how they're.

Interesting. It feels less like draining. You're venting. You're venting. Yeah. Venting sounds better than complaining. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, that's good.

Speaking of kvetching, we got Jackie Mason died. So that's a big, big Jewish comedian. If you haven't heard him on Fresh Air with Terry Gross NPR interview, very, very good interview. I've never heard that. Worth listening to. His real name is like Yakov Amada or some crazy Jewish name. He was a rabbi. Yeah.

Back in the day. Did you ever hear him as the aardvark? No. In those cartoons from like the 70s? I know he was in The Simpsons. Yeah. Okay. Oh, that's a great episode

great app great app google that if you haven't seen it i love it give me his real name it's coming some crazy i think he's russian or hungarian hideous hideous man but uh i mean he was the jewish comic like that was his thing there it is mo. Moishe. Yakov. Moishe. Oh, my God. Wow. That's the most Jewish name I've ever heard. It's crazy. Yakov. Russian Jew.

Total Russian Jew, right? There you go. I used to see him, this is not even that long ago, within the last five years, jogging on 6th Avenue. Shut up. With a backpack in, like, full-on clothes. What? In the bike lane.

What? I know. He was jogging? Jogging. Like, a slow jog. Whoa. Yeah. So he was 88. He must have been in his 80s, yeah. And he's jogging? Jogging, like a slow jog. Whoa. Yeah. So he was 88.

Must have been in his 80s, yeah. And he's jogging still. It's not a fast jog, but it's moving quicker than walking in the bike lane. Backpack. Good for him. 88, still jogging. How about that? Good for him.

I'll tell you. How old was he when he kicked it? 93. Isn't that right? That's pretty good. He did pretty well. I never have heard one album. Yeah, I don't really know his stuff.

Wow, he's from Sheboygan. Nobody saw that coming. I just figured Manhattan or Brooklyn. Sheboygan, great word. It's a funny, it's a good comedy word. Great comedy word. Cucamonga. Yeah, or Albuquerque.

What a... Sorry. I'm good. I'm worried about you a little bit. Yeah, or Albuquerque. Sorry. I'm good. We're going to push through, folks. Yeah, I'm a little worried. I'll be fine. And we've got a taping next week. All great timing.

That's exciting, man. So do you want to plug the taping? Sure. I mean, I think you've got to go to the blacklist.com or one of those for tickets but there are tickets i'd love to have some drunk fans there just come out and support we need that laugh uh on netflix i could bomb i'm going pretty dark because i really want this thing to stand out a little bit so it's abortion it's trans it's anal it's queefs It's black It's white It's day It's night Thank you

So yeah We're going all in I'm excited man I'm excited to see this Edison Ballroom In Midtown Old Supper Club Nice

Yeah it looks pretty good Do you have your set up I googled the room And it's pretty beautiful Old school Ornate And it's tighter You know the old episodes

They were like in a giant fucking ceiling with a big warehouse with hot models models aren't good audience la suck it la ain't great no no but there's some parts of la that are cool sure sure it's got i mean the shows i did in la the supernova shows were pretty fun killer killer shows oh man I'm at the cellar the other night, and I get on stage. I've been on the road for two and a half weeks. First step back, go on stage at the comedy cellar, and I can't get on without people yelling out, we might be drunk. Come on.

How great is that? Yeah. Or he was just an alcoholic. I might have. I was walking down 7th Avenue the other day, and this guy goes, wait, wait, wait, wait. And I thought he was mad at me. And he takes his phone out, and he's playing the pod on the phone. Crazy.

I love it. We appreciate it, folks. God bless America. Tell your friends. And remember to email us for the Patreon at WeMightBeDrunkPod at gmail.com. And subscribe to that Patreon. Hell yeah. Patreon.com slash WeMightBe might be drunk i want to make sure you

we're not fucking you on time mark because i know you got it okay okay well then give me a bit a bit all right i most of my new shit is either hitting or just garbage so here's an idea i had that i can't get the head i want to make sure no one's done this so it's about you know the cleveland indians are now the guardians know, and people are pissed off. People are like, you know. I see people online like, this is bullshit. You know, this is. There are people who react to this the same way they react to, like, when they find out someone's trans.

Right, right. Where they're just like, oh, that's your fucking, that's your name? Really? I don't believe that. Oh, you're going to change your uniform? Yeah, the name's good. That's a great angle. And the clothes changing clothes like that's nothing right and i have people who are like well i'm only gonna address you as the indians yeah it's like calling bruce still yeah it is that's good that's good but then we're yeah it's like i don't know there's something to it i

think guardians is so weird. Guardians is not a great name. The logo's pretty cool. That G with the ball is pretty cool. I like the G with the ball, but I wonder why they chose that. Is that significant to Cleveland? A guardian? I mean, the Indians are significant to Cleveland.

It ain't for a good reason. I'd like to hear what the Native Americans think. Are they fans? No, clearly not I think they've been pushing it Oh really? I thought it was honkies pushing it I don't know I do think this is a good sign

Look at the Cleveland Indians though The red face logo, that ain't a good logo Is that Wahoo? Look at that logo and tell me if that was any other race That were flying True, you gotta admit it's a cool looking guy. But yeah. Well, what about the Irish guy?

The Notre Dame dude ain't too hot looking either, by the way. That's a good point. I'm with you. Irish. Nobody cares about their feelings. Look at that guy. Nobody cares about the Irish. That guy's a piece of shit.

Pull up Chief Wahoo, though. That guy's at a bar fist fighting. But no one cares about racism against white dudes. I guess so, yeah. That's fucking bad, dude. That's bad. That's the logo. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, well, the brown one is wild. Think if that was a black dude or an Asian dude. Yeah, that'd be like minstrel-y. Think if it was a Jew. Yeah, it could pass. But yeah. I had a guy heckle me at the show. I just brought it up and he goes, Charlie Sheen didn't wear no Guardians jersey.

And I'm like, I don't think that's Charlie Sheen's first regret. He's got AIDS. HIV positive. That's great. I got to keep that in somehow. Yeah. Yeah. I will say, maybe this is a horrible take.

Yeah. I will say, maybe this is a horrible take, I think the fact that we're down to sports mascots is a good sign. We don't have any bigger fish to fry, in a way. I agree. That's kind of nice. It's interesting. I was looking up other teams back in the day.

It's funny. Indians is definitely, it's just a bad one. Jim Jeffries has the best bit on this where he's like you can't you can't name i'm trying to do the australian accent you can't name a team after a genocide and he's like and if you think i'm wrong think about how you'd feel about a soccer team named the munich jews right right which i think is pretty fair munich is what makes that so smart yeah that's great yeah he's pretty good that jeffries he's a funny guy yeah what were you Hey, right. Which I think is pretty fair. Munich is what makes that so smart. Yeah. That's great.

Yeah, he's pretty good, that Jeffries. He's a funny guy. Yeah, what were you going to say, Sally? I saw you. Oh, yeah. This guy also, his character from the Cleveland Indians, used to also go by the name Chief Nakahoma. As in Nakahoma.

Nakahoma. Oh, Nakahomer. Yeah. That's fun. Yeah. And believe me, I'm not a guy who's in a political correctness at all, but that logo is not good. That's a crazy logo. I will say, oh, shit, I forgot my point. This sweet and sour, what's it called?

Whiskey sour. It's a really good drink. Very good. I got a fat buzz on. I got to work tonight, too. I'm in the brokerage, so... Oh, shit. All right.

You got a little time to eat this away. But I can't remember. Damn. I think Guardian sucks, but yeah. What are you going to do? I think all team names take a minute. I do think... Maybe, yeah.

I think they're new, so you're like, ugh. But I've never heard a new name, so you're like, ugh. But I've never heard a new name where I've been like, that's – like when the Sonics – I think the Sonics was such a cool name. When the Seattle Sonics moved and became the Oklahoma Thunder, and I was like, that's lame. But then I'm like, no, the Thunder's kind of fun now. Yeah, well, what the fuck's a Denver Nugget? I know it's a gold nugget, but nugget just sounds rough to me.

But the old school jerseys, the blue but the logo the the old school jerseys the blue ones pull up those like old blue jerseys they're so fun yeah call the vintage blue nuggets jerseys i gotta be honest this is controversial i don't love the name the saints i grew up with the saints i know it's a flirtaly it's new orleans that is a cool logo those are badass wow that's a great that's one of my favorite like the old nuggets jerseys those are badass that is cool i would wear that good colors good colors yeah i'm with you saints is not great it's kind of religious boring well it's like where do you have the saints there's the angels there's the devils oh it's like how many like it's such a white devils is so much cooler than fucking angels i know angels the angels are boring they don't do anything fun you got a bunch of alcoholics

doing blow and banging hookers. It's called the angels? It doesn't work. And there's no fear with an angel. Los Angeles. City of angels. But it's still boring. Still boring.

City of angels. But New Orleans, saints. Saints come marching in. Isn't that your song? It is, but I don't know. We want to have the tigers and a saint. What else is here? You got to have the priest, the clergyman, the bishop.

I guess you got cardinals, but that's the bird. Cardinals isn't great either. Cardinals is kind of cool. It's kind of classic. It's classic. All right, I'll give you cardinals. I'm okay. That's a classic name.

Better than the pigeon, I guess. Pigeons is kind of fun, man. Come on. The New York pigeon. The Brooklyn pigeons. That's true. If they were like a wily kind of rough and tumble team, that would the brooklyn pigeons that's true if they're if they're like a wily kind of rough and tumble team that'd be fun pigeons are just fun animals they're just

so fucking grungy in new york yeah i do go to like atlantic city and see seagulls i'm like well you think you're fucking better than us they got that attitude they're on the beach i'm in the fuck pigeons are dirty yeah they're dingy as other rats with wings they're i'm yeah but you know what i'll get near a pigeon you're pro pigeon. Yeah, but you know what? I'll get near a pigeon. You're pro-pigeon. I won't get near a rat, but I'll get near a pigeon. Interesting. Pigeons are part of the fucking city, baby. That's true, but what about the shitting?

The shitting? They shit on the statues. They shit on the buildings. Your car gets shit on. I don't know. Yeah, you know what? It's their city, too. That's what I say.

They earned it They put their time in They're fighting to survive And I respect it The way They used to I'll give you that They used to hide under the AC

And just hear them go Yes Under the heater That's true I'm like oh my god Are they fucking in there Yeah Like get out of there

They'd run out like a family Just like hiding Right flapping Yeah Also one of the great scenes In every cliche movie Where the guy goes, no, and the pigeons fly away. You got to have that one. Give me a bit.

Well, if we're going down the race thing and the PC stuff, fun idea. Maybe it's been done. Stop me if it has. I feel like we're doing a good job of scrubbing racism now. We're getting rid of statues we're taking the n-word out of uh mark twain all these things so i wonder if in like 100 years no one will believe we were racist because there's no evidence if we keep taking stuff away you're like no they were bad it's like the book just says jim i don't know what's the

problem yeah i think i think obviously there's google shit, but it's kind of funny to... Like, I'm an Amish guy. Yeah, there will be, like, you know, radio hosts, like, there's no evidence that we were ever actually racist. Right. That, to me, is the funniest part. Oh, that's interesting. Like, some Rush Limbaugh type.

Yeah. Yeah, I could see that. He's like, oh, yeah, we got the country from Indians. We kill... He's like, does that sound American to you? Right, right I just think you gotta have a little bit of a criminal record You need a record The further we get away

Although the only way it doesn't work is if we stay violent Ah, yeah, that's true No one's gonna believe that we weren't But the racism is interesting It's too hard to cover it all up If we get yeah we can't cover it all up we're gonna have to get new statues ha yeah this is a uh this is a i'm trying to think like we get rid of a uh like a robert e lee or something right well he already did Yeah, we get rid of all the statues. I'm probably going to feel this a little bit. Oh, yeah.

I haven't eaten. Maybe it's a nothing bit, because it's almost too prove wrongable. Yeah, it's funny. It's a silly idea. It might be too disprovable. Okay, okay. Give me another. All right.

I want to do a whole chunk, almost like a Carlin S thing, on things that we used to be terrified of that just stopped, we stopped caring about. Yeah. When I was a kid, Bermuda Triangle was the biggest news story. The plane is gone. Now, did we fix that? Is that over?

Acid rain. What the hell happened to that? Ozone layer was a huge talk. Nobody talked about the ozone. And the Nativeicans used to cry all the time on commercials i think they stopped crying i guess with the casinos maybe they feel better but it's just funny how this is the biggest fear on the planet and then it just 20 years go by and you go oh whatever happened to that triangle i think the fears keep getting

worse uh-huh i think that's what happens we're like now like now it's like ozone now it's like really bad climate change shit i think it's still the ozone is it not is the ozone not still a hole in the ozone there's still a hole yeah i feel like i heard about it every two days the ozone watch out for the ozone oh you're releasing that gas it's gonna fuck up the ozone i'm trying to think of the big it's funny though they talk about like the if you make it smaller fears i think like bermuda triangle is a funny one yeah that's something funny there now it's fears i think like bermuda triangle is a funny one yeah that's something funny there now it's like i think if it's like they've been replaced and now they're so much worse so like realize that whatever time you're living in it's not as bad as it's going to be

ah yeah like that's only getting worse that's good you know like okay like bermuda triangle now you're like uh i mean dude we're, we live through a fucking pandemic and there's still a variant. Like, it's still bad. It still keeps going up. BP, Gulf of Mexico, that's it. Like, we just have a black hole instead of Bermuda Triangle. Right, right. Yeah, it just keeps getting worse.

But it'd be funny if the Bermuda Triangle meets the global warming at a bar, and he's like, oh, man, I used to run this town. He's like, you got nothing, old man. Bermuda Triangle's dead. We don't even respect you, Bermuda Triangle. Yeah, we got the ice caps melting. Fuck you. I like the idea of it being like there's so much bad shit yeah and it's like i'm a little

slower now well you remember like the gas shortage in the 70s and uh you know the russians you know it was everything there's always a fear things are all things like yeah i mean the cold war was a thing right but i mean that's definitely especially after you know race for space and then like nuclear weapons yeah and like nuclear weapons were a thing it's and they are a thing right but when when the fear is lingering after something horrible happened so after world war two or you know things like that and then uh-huh like it's tough because you're like well this is just bullshit but then like covert's a fear we never even anticipated i know that to me is what's funny is like the shit you worry about hey guess what there's shit that's gonna hit you that you're not even aware of good point good point yeah that's

the ultimate fear yeah it's like the monster in the movie you can't see so you make it up it's like being worried about jason and then a fucking piano just falls in your head you know right right yeah we gotta change the indians name and then you get piano just falls in your head you know right it's like yeah we gotta change the indians dave and then you get fucking zika well that's what it all is it's like people are really at the core of it is like is it a racist logo absolutely but i think a lot of the anger really does come from just like needing a place to dump the anchor i agree because we all feel powerless like look at it this way like you could you couldn't cancel donald trump so you're canceling literally every celebrity who

has sexual misconduct allegations you're like okay well we can't trump has i mean we can't do anything to him we can lead a mob against these people right it's really about like i'm angry and i need something. Yes. That's what people are fighting for. It's easy to change the symbolic things and not anything deeper. Yeah, like the alcoholism and there's like, you know, mistreatment or whatever of Native Americans. That should come first before the logo. But I guess it's all a step in the right direction.

But I feel like the bigger problem, the real problems are so much harder to change. So if we can change this, we can feel better about ourselves. Yeah. Yeah, dude. That was a dark ending. Sorry. That ain't good. Man, I pulled out, well, out well these bits i got you know racism

taking away well same here i probably opened the door with my fucking half-baked horse shit uh but we should we should plug gigs too man i mean this pod is blowing up we're oh yeah this is going great i'm i'm excited uh see me on the road i'm in le Lexington, Kentucky, Kansas City, Missouri, Portland, Oregon, Royal Oak, Michigan, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Georgia, Millersville, Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, St. Louis, Missouri. All over the place. Sam Earl dot com slash shows. Hell yeah. Same here. Mark Norman comedy dot com.

Going to Nashville. Going to Buffalo. Going to West Palm Beach. All over the place. Brea in California. Say hello. Madison. Portland. You name it. Get on the Patreon. We gotta get some shirts.

We got new Patreon ideas too. We got a bar now. We got Danny Boy. We got Sally. This is about to really a bar now We got Danny Boy We got Sally This is about to really pop folks You're right on the ground floor So tell a friend, spread the love, spread the cheeks And queef it up Thank you

No Rick and Morty talk this week Next week, next week Save that, save that in Matt ending yeah save that in we'll save mark watch the pilot and i haven't asked i'm saving it for the episode all right