We Might Be Drunk - Ep 4: Tito's Soda & Teremana Soda

Episode Date: January 12, 2021

Mark and Sam talk over one more drink.

Yeah. Sweet. Hell yeah. Tampa, Tampa, Mark. Oh yeah, baby.

It's wide open. People are moving here. I don't know, man, who knows what the future holds, but people are, are living for today. And it's,

it's no one is scared down here. It's wild. Oh, I hope they're a little scared. Cause I don't want old people to die, but shit. Sure. Of course.

But the size is, is there, the capacity is 110 they're adding seats what's that's horrible it's wild down here larry king came to your show that's where that's where he got it uh larry king dr drew everybody i talked to burke kreischer he said like all these people are getting it now and it's like like, it's just so weird. It's like, it's locked down, but people are still getting it. So you don't know what the hell to do. Yeah.

Oh, Jesus. Yeah. I, I, I have to address the mustache as well. Oh, please. We're all terrified. I know. Look, I was in the shower. I had a full beer and I was like, I'm it's time.

It was getting itchy. Start shaving and runs out of battery. I have like the full, I should have kept the full fucking thing i could have looked like tampa but it was like all the way around it was horrible and i had to trim away but you know i you saw i'm not i have very sensitive weak skin i'm fucking breaking out i whittled it down to this but i fucking look like i look like freddie mercury you look like super mario over here you got a full stash and it's sick too one time to mateo lane uh we did the roast battle thing and i said you look like you have freddie mercury poisoning ah that's great but uh no dude it's uh yeah it's

nothing nothing go anytime anything uncovid related happens that's shitty, I'm like, this isn't fair. Right. I know, I know. It's a nightmare. This whole thing's annoying. You heard they're vaccinating grocery store employees now. They deserve it, man. They do.

But those guys are getting laid more than us. They're like on the front lines. They're working. This is the first time grocery those guys are getting laid more than us they're like on the front lines they're working this is the first time grocery store guys are getting laid i saw a guy in a gristini's head i was like this guy's just he's just wearing that for the pussy i could tell you know he's got the vaccine he's got a job he's killing it so a fresh direct guy with two models you know this pussy's fresh direct to my face rub hub indeed oh you got like a you got like a real to-go glass from the club well i wanted uh i wanted a real cup they were out of to-go cups so i got a tito's and soda oh we got to talk about our drink oh yeah burke christ is from tampa uh i was i'm in tampa so

i got a tito's and soda in honor and And it's a great, just refreshing night ending drink. It really is. It's also like it's like a real housewives drink, but it's also it's like a weight watching drink. But it's good. It's so good. It's so light and it's bubbly. And the vodka is not bad. I put a lime in there. It's all you need, folks. I did a similar thing thing i'm a little embarrassed now that we're still on the same page here but uh i'll show the bottle first i did a little i did a tequila soda oh nice i did the rock stuff i got the taramana oh what's i don't know taramana it's like it's like what clooney had with casamigos the rock has taramana

a bottle's like 20 cheaper than casamigos casamigos is great but it's like it's got a lot of play now so taramana it's like 35 bucks for a bottle in new york so i'm sure it's cheaper wherever else but uh that's great good mix that with a little uh so i do the spin drift i like this stuff it's got a little i love that shit yeah dude i got a little cranberry raspberry action nice fucking nice dude i do a lot of the sometimes. I got a little cranberry raspberry action. Ooh, nice touch. It's fucking nice, dude. I do a lot of the, sometimes I'll do a little vodka with the lemon black tea one.

Oh, yeah. It's almost like an Arnold Palmer type thing. It's nice. Oh, man. That's a great drink. And I used to love, I might be, I'm older than you,

so did you ever have Clearly Canadian? Oh, I love that shit. Oh, man. I used to love that shit. It was like sugary seltzer, but it was really good. Yeah, it was a good way for a kid to transition into seltzer. You know? Like the Elliot Page of seltzer.

But, man, I used to love that shit. And that was back when nobody was doing that. Now they're everywhere. Clearly Canadian was like, I'm gay. And then seltzer is like, I'm now how you yes that's how you do it exactly exactly but that's a great it's a great mixer so a good call there and i got the crusty the clown mug too sounded more like mackie but what'd you do for new Year's uh I did a gig in Brooklyn I did Shafi Hussain uh our buddy did a show uh outdoors it was great heated tents just worked out new shit

uh brought Rachel Feinstein with me we hung out worked out new had a few had a few tequila had a few Bud Light mangoes hey that's great's great. Husband, the fireman, Pete. Oh, I love Pete. It was fun. It was a good time. But New York is killing me because we tried to get dinner after the show. It's like 930. All right. We're walking around Brooklyn.

See like, like all these cool restaurants. You're like, oh, let's go in one of these places. Literally all of them are like, we can't take you anymore. I'm like, it's fucking New Year's, dude. I know. I get that like the early curfew, it's fucking New Year's, dude. I know. I get that, like, the early curfew. But even, I know it's a pandemic.

I know, like, look, we're being very careful. But the fact that this city closes down at 10 is, like, one of the most heartbreaking things. Never thought I'd see the day. And also, coffee shops are closing. You used to get, like like eight or something for a coffee shop sometimes it's like four now because they're like yeah no one's buying coffee past four right he's closing down you know so it's it's killing me and it's cold out that's the thing about New York like you'd always go like all right it's freezing but I'll get a cup of coffee I'll sit

inside and and write or listen to whatever podcast now you can't go inside it's it's ruined so what do you do you got to stay in your apartment dude it was it was brutal we we were walking around for a while and we found uh you know we've got like a pizza place and we're like can we just like sit in your little heated area and they were like no we had to just like sit we were like this is being homeless yeah yeah exactly basically i mean we had money and we you know it's not homeless but you know but it's crazy what uh what the city's become man it's just it's i still love it i'm but the late night thing kills me like the two bodegas by me that used to be open one used to be open all

night it's it's closed at like eight now ah it kills me it's the worst man it's it's not worth the money they're like i get it they don't want to stay open all night right for that money but it's but damn yeah i never thought i'd see the day like i went down to new orleans for thanksgiving and i was like well new orleans they're a bunch of degenerates animals that's going to be wide open and they were shut down which it's the right thing to do and all that. But I'm like, I never thought I'd see this. Like Bourbon Street was pitch quiet. You could drop a pin. It was insane. It's like the party animal from high school. And he shows up in like a V-neck and a wife and he's sober. And you're like, dude, what the fuck the fuck happened to you? I know. And you're you're like proud of him in a way. But you're also like, dude, you're in finance what you married a mormon what it's crazy

bourbon street wasn't supposed to work with numbers man bourbon street she was supposed to be a fuck up it's a it's a bummer yeah exactly great way to put it and charles new orleans like the magazine street it's like those are like party streets those are like where the action is so it's completely you know bourbon bourbon's the guy who doesn't wear a condom and now he's like selling Trojans. It's weird. It doesn't, doesn't add up, but I get it. It's crazy times. Yeah, it's rough. So how was Tampa side splitters new years? I mean, it was great. We, we did a couple of shows and I did the countdown and, uh,

the girlfriend came on stage and like gave me a glass of champagne at midnight. And then we did the arm thing and drank it. And, uh, you know, you try to stay safe, you try to wear a mask and all that, but it was, it was mayhem. And then there's drugs and, you know, uh, they, they locked the door that's, uh, it's you and the staff. And it's, uh, it's, uh, it's, uh, quite a brew. Ha ha. You just, you just, I just picture you with a staff. And it's quite a brouhaha. You just, I just picture you with a switchblade in your mouth and a fucking syringe wrapping around.

You're like, you try to keep it, you know, cool. I had a needle. Somebody's like, what are you doing? I'm like, it's the vaccine. Don't worry. But yeah, it was wild. Then the next day you're hung. I puked.

I haven't puked since 88. Yeah. We went after it. I puked in the parking lot of the hotel like on the i drove driving it was it was bad news luckily it's like an eight minute drive but that's a that's a trash move man a parking lot vomit and there's nothing worse than you're hung over you hate yourself you're ashamed the next day the sun is shining and you go out to get in the car, and you see the vomit. Ooh, yeah, that's rough.

Eye-opener right there. That's like seeing the blood after a murder. You're like, fuck, I did that? That's horrible. Yeah, exactly. And then you see the vomit. You get in your car. Then you go drink during the day and hit the beach.

And was it hard to do the shows that hung over? Well, here's the thing i don't know why they do this but there was no friday show so thursday was new year's you go nuts and then we had friday off so it was perfect having a girl down here because like we hit the beach we got the there's no like oh it's almost showtime i gotta i gotta go honey it was just all day all night yeah it's it's the the hangover now like i i'm having to like watch it a little just because the hangover pandemic hangovers are like next it's a new level of depression where i can't i'm like i'm like what am i doing i'm too old for this shit i'm a fucking loser

yeah i'm panicking a little bit when i get that anxiety that's like i i fucking meditated the other day i don't meditate. I'm not a meditator. Yeah. Well, you got to do what you got to do. By the way, worst, worst James Cameron film, the meditator. Holy shit. Is that a real movie?

No, no. You want a Terminator joke, but yeah, that would be horrible. But yeah, I'm an idiot. The, the, the, the hangovers now it's, it's next level. It used to be, I'm queasy, I'm puking, I'm mad at myself, I have shame. And now it's like anxiety on top of depression, on top of questioning your life choices. It's the 30s, man. It's a whole new level of hangover. Yeah, it's rough, man. I gotta watch it a little bit i'm trying to i'm trying to like get back in my back my neck was out for like two months so i'm like just getting back into shape i'm just like

figuring out how to it's hard to get into shape in a pandemic because everything's fucking i know thing like literally you know i don't know it'll it'll get better it'll get better we're we're at the we're at the beginning here of like the end i think beginning of the end i think you're right and also you were a basketball guy you were a uh i've been playing outdoors yeah oh swimming is killing me that was my thing well swimming is so good for there's all these health benefits and i was i was hitting the gym twice a week i don't want to be ripped i just like to you are kind of ripped though well it was like a mental thing it's like this discipline and you're getting in the zone and then if you you break the chain you feel horrible and you got to get back into it

and i'm at my house now like let me lift this paint can for a minute or let me hit this water jug like you're just trying to find heavy shit oh dude my girlfriend she's put on some weight i it feels like lame rocky is what it feels like you know he's like going to town on a fucking i'm like i'm looking at a cornish hand i'm like what could i do with this shit right here i don't know a game bird can i do anything with that you know it's it's brutal it's uh it's hell and yeah i was doing like soup cans i was doing like literally soup cans on the floor like trying to just figure some stuff out to like strengthen my back it's embarrassing yeah whatever it takes it is embarrassing somebody should do a video of that like home workout like you got the the crushed tomatoes

you know you're going over the head with a can or something that could be fun it is yeah and it's you know the thing is though it's like that's a great point because all these kettlebells and dumbbells on amazon are sold out because everyone fucking was like i need weights yeah by the way who's getting more of a workout than the amazon guy he's got to deliver those kettlebells so he doesn't realize that he's lifting weights literally on a delivery that's like the hedberg joke he's a drug dealer you don't even know it he's a bodybuilder you don't even know it that's that fucking hedberg joke damn hedberg is too good, man.

What do you think of Joe List's theory about Hedberg is the ultimate feature? Fuck that shit. Are you kidding me? He's a feature? He's the best deadpan one-liner guy ever. Are you kidding me? Well, I don't know. Steven Wright?

Yeah, they're both up there. Here's the thing about the one-liner guys. If you're going to be a one-liner guy, I'm talking Demetri Martin, I love Demetri, yeah. Steven Wright, Jeselnik. Your persona has to be that big. I left Jeselnik off. He's great, obviously.

He's great. I mean, you have to be a persona to be a one-liner because it has to make up for the fact that you're not moving and acting out. because it has to make up for the fact that you're not moving and you know acting out and and the jokes every word has to be so uh precise and meticulous like your whole exactly has to be so figured out uh yeah i mean hedberg has some some albums where he's just fucking bombing these are albums yeah totally totally he also stephen wright only had that one album is my only thing true he had a new one later the first one is a it's one of the best albums ever that's amazing i went to a diner that

said breakfast anytime so i ordered french toast during the renaissance i mean incredible genius i went went to a convenience store uh it said 24 hours but they were closed and he's like i thought you said 24 hours he's like yeah not in a row genius they had some jokes on there that like blew i didn't know you could write jokes like that i lost my socks i called information i mean come on so like next level abstract shit it's a small world but i wouldn't want to paint it who writes that and it's like that's a joke steven why is steven right not on twitter he'd be fucking destroying twitter he's too good for it he's too good for it yeah that twitter would ruin him they'd be like i'll give that a favorite fuck you that you're gonna although emo phillips great one-liner guy he's great on twitter great one-liner guy great on twitter and another guy proving my point

you got to have a big persona if you're gonna be a one-liner guy yeah one-liners are tough man i are i i was a one-liner guy when i started for the most part and it's just like i just was like i can't write hours like this yeah you need a story every now and then you need a chunk you need a pov you know we're not a lot of very um personal one-liner guys because how would you be good point good point personal is a big one where everybody's like you got to be personal you got to talk about your life and your family but carlin not very personal i never heard about his daughter or his marriage or anything in his book in his book he writes about it but you're right yeah

last words he talks about it but not in a stand-up um brian kiley amazing one-liners watch his lettermans jimmy car oh shit you're right there are some great one-liner guys although i will say you know who is kind of i mean we've talked about him on the podcast before but nick griffin has short jokes and is very personal oh good point good he's like probably as close to as what you get as like a one-liner guy who's who's like kind of bearing his soul you know yeah that's true he lets it all out and pretty clean like he'll throw a a shit in every now and then or a fuck but it's it's uh only when necessary he he could do he could do an hour clean easy and you wouldn't notice that's a good point

yeah it's great when it's when it's like it doesn't matter when you're like watching a guy and you're like i couldn't even tell that was dirty or clean i just knew it was good bargazzi's got that he's just a good comic you're not like he's a great clean comic he's just a killer comic yeah it's true yeah i remember i did a show with someone once and i was laughing so hard i forgot what clean comic was before me but i was laughing so hard and and the booker was like i didn't think you'd like him. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? It's comedy. It's like, I know. I like to laugh.

I like good jokes. What is like, I think people make an assumption that you're only going to like people similar to you. Whereas sometimes it's the opposite. Usually it's the opposite. Yeah. That's what's great about Norm is Norm is pretty clean. And he's like this brilliant guy. Like the dog walker, the hobo with the dog joke. That's what's great about Norm is Norm is pretty clean. And he's like this brilliant guy. Like the dog walker, the hobo with the dog joke.

That's all clean. Ah, that was a classic. Classic. His last letterman was killer with the Germans fighting World War II, fighting the world. All that was gold. What, do you have any pet peeves this week? Oh, geez.

Here's the thing that happened that I want to run this by you. Yeah. I'm going to sound like an asshole. I'm going to sound like a cunt. But they're boarding the planes back to front now with COVID. And I've never had more points. And I want to use them. I want to get on first.

But I'm boarding back to front so i gotta wait you got a first class ticket and you're you're waiting yeah i mean you've if you were just some like rich shitty guy i'd be like fuck you but you put in your time to get those miles like you earned them yeah you're a road dog i get a little annoying with status on flights because like we fly so much right like like i want to be in the delta club i want to fucking i know i want to i want to like hang out you know i status flying is like i want comfort if we're going to be flying this much and we we ate shit for years doing the road we flew frontier in spirit no offense to those airlines, but you know, they're the worst. They're the worst.

I mean, how many times were you, I was in that back seat where you're like, all right, fuck it. I made it finally back here, but Oh, it doesn't recline because you hit the bathroom. Totally. So how many times did you fall asleep face first into this tiny, I'm like, this is like, this should be illegal. This should be fucking, this is like in Guantanamo. This is how they sit people.

Why is my back so fucked up? My frame for one thing, probably that I never lifted weights to improve my back. But a third thing is all the travel. That's really what it comes down to. And yeah, I'm not going to ever begrudge a fellow comedian for complaining about travel conditions ever.

I mean, yeah. And look, we're low maintenance we're not we're not these diva guys but like i finally got all these points and these miles put together after years of road dogging and funny bones and cincinnatis and you name it and then we're now boarding back to front i'm like yeah right when i get to this gold i can't use it not for now i mean not forever i mean it's it's it's a thing right yeah it's a COVID thing which and look I get it it makes actually it actually makes more sense but Joe Liston a great point not to bring him up again but he's like why don't planes just

it should be like a baseball game when you show up you get your seat it should be I hate this like boarding zone ones like look open the door let people come and go as they please, and then we'll take off. That's not a bad point. It's not bad. It's his point. Yeah, I don't hate it. I'm with it.

You know why they do it? Because these cum-guzzling Nazis with their capitalism have to go, we can sell more because people want zone one, so we can get another 20 bucks out of this guy at the last minute oh they take they take shit away every year i mean i've read some statistics how much they save by like giving one less olive yes snack thing where you're like oh like you think about they're like well i guess it's a lot of money when you think right but also fuck you it's a fucking olive yeah and you think about it, but also fuck you. It's a fucking olive.

Yeah. And I mean, they do the same with the olive. They do it with the inch. Like I remember a seat used to be pretty big. Now a seat's like three or two inches smaller than it used to be. And just, we're getting fatter and the seats are getting smaller. Not just fatter or bigger. Like look at, look at who played basketball in like the sixties. The center was like six foot three. Now, right. Now they're like seven, five. And it was like six foot three now right now they're like seven five and was like

why are the seats smaller we're bigger i think sometimes when i see pro athletes and i'm like what about the guys who missed out what if like shack what if shack wasn't a basketball player and he was just like some dude that worked at barnes and noble and when he flew he's like i guess i got a sick coach like are kidding me? That's a great point. Or he'd have to buy two seats and it would ruin his income. Yeah, you're right. That's a great point. And it's fucked up that I'll tell you, tall people and fat people,

the clothes are the same price, I think, which is interesting. Like a shirt for a fat guy and a tall guy is the same as a shirt for a skinny guy and a short guy. So that's kind of nice it's big and tall oh they have their own that's the store big and tall are they are they more money because it seems like more fabric would look real estate you're getting more square foot you're gonna pay more in rent well kids shoes that way with fabric kids shoes the same shoes are less expensive so i would assume that if it was more yeah it would probably cost more also if it's more custom made and rare which like true you have a size 20 size foot yeah i'm gonna assume you got to pay more for it i don't know that for a fact but that's

kind of unfair that you're just born that way you didn't do anything and now you're fucked it's a good point that's kind of unfair it's it's i mean you're a minority in a way you're tall by the way giants giants are a minority giants are a minority and so are little people yeah yeah they're really minor but they get i feel like little people can have they have more options like a little guy on a plane wouldn't you rather wouldn't you rather be a giant though i would rather be a giant good point good point at least a giant gets laid i think but a a little person on a flight is first class no matter what seat he's in that's true it's all leg room yeah but you're now you're just breaking down

the little person to just flying. That's the problem. What about in the grocery store when he needs a giant to grab him from the top shelf? Good point. You're a little person. You can only drink bottom shelf liquor. Well, I guess the point is in life, there's perks to everything and flaws to everything. True. I think I'll still take the giant because in my mind, I'm a giant. I can make the nba i just got to get a free throw down i'm in right it's more than that that's not

true but yeah i just think a giant you have a better quality all around yeah yeah it is funny how like certain things are status like i see a giant dog in new york and i'm like in this fucking city you know i don't get that it's great well they must have a decent place or or right that's what i'm saying it's a status symbol a small little dogs people are like everywhere in new york i'm like no it's because we have smaller apartments in new york right right it's almost like how fat in the renaissance was a sign of wealth because you could afford all that food that you're so overweight. And that's the same with dogs. Now you can afford the space. That's a good point. Interesting. Yeah, it's funny how fat used to be.

Although fat is still powerful sometimes, like Tony Soprano, you're like, that's powerful. Good point. Good point. If you're like so fat and it's and you're also successful, you're like, well just doesn't care and they're fat and that's kind of ultimate power right yeah not caring is the ultimate power going back to our my robe bit that you you helped me with it's all about power but yeah you're right but you're gonna have more health issues but you're going to have more health issues, but you're just like, yeah, I'm that rich. I'm that comfortable. I can make it work. Yeah. That's a good pet peeve. Let me go.

Oh, I want to hear your pet peeve. You go first or whatever you're going to say. Well, I was going to say back to the tequila thing. I've been sitting on this. You mentioned Clooney. You mentioned The Rock. sitting on this you mentioned Clooney you mentioned the rock did you hear Clooney made so much money that he gave 10 of his friends a million dollars each I heard it was 14 oh was it 14 I could be wrong but I thought it was 14 yeah wow that what a guy if you got the money like you know why not right I yeah I think he made 500 mil so i hope it wasn't like everyone in

oceans 11 and like three other friends it wasn't like all his rich friends yeah matt damon doesn't need it maybe the little asian guy might but jesus but i heard he gave it to like high school friends and college friends i mean that's the shit dude can you imagine like fuck oprah's look under your seat he just blew her out of the water. Yes, you're right. He gave them all suitcases, like, out of the movies, where they flip it up, and they flop open, and it's just cash. It'd be so great if they got tailed and someone robbed them. Now that's an Ocean's Eleven.

Ocean's 14. He's like, who's doing it? Ironically, it's Andy Garcia. That's who got you back. Stole the money back. Right, right. Yeah, that's a whole another movie but what a cool dude yeah what a fucking dude cluny is uh cluny i just watched an interview with him and he uh he's talking about out of sight which i think is a great movie from the 90s soderbergh i think soderbergh and he's talking about how he and

soderbergh could not make a hit like they both were like dying to make a hit and people were saying like Clooney's not a movie star which like it's hilarious if you look at him you're like the dude's Cary Grant he's a movie yes he's like as movie star but he's also just like got it like how do you not see that he's even on er you're like yeah this dude fucking rules like yeah great actor and good looking but they were they were uh he was saying like soderbergh and him could not get shit that no one wanted to work with either of them and then they kind of just teamed up and it's like well look what happened they fucking out of sight also i don't think did that well at the box office but it got so much critical success that it like it didn't

matter people like oh this is a great movie great movie cheetle is a killer albert brooks brooks ving rames i mean come on it was just it was such a cool stylized on yes steve zahn's underrated by the way so underrated great act saving silverman that thing you do great comedic actor he's he's great um, that movie ruled. I love that movie. I love movies like that where they actually give a shit. I know the box office doesn't care, but any kind of movie like that where it's very artistic looking and you can tell the director has a vision. And the dialogue kicks ass.

Like the opening scene, you should just YouTube this if you haven't seen it. Clooney robs a bank and the way he does it is so fucking evil and with a smile it's so like not how you think of him where he just is he's just telling this poor little bank clerk he's like if you don't if you don't put the money away i'm gonna shoot your friend in the head over there that's my friend talking to your friend and of course he doesn't even know the guy. That's not his, he's, this is just a shtick. But by the way, shtick was a Jewish way

to talk about a bank robbery in history. That's his shtick. That's his little routine. No, he, but the way he delivers this is like, it was badass. It was like a cool, cool scene. Super cool. And, oh shit, I forgot what I was going to say.

Oh, so cool. I read this article about clooney because you want to hate the guy not hate him but you want to be like all right let me find a flaw in this guy he's too handsome he's too suave yeah but he's obsessed with directing he wanted to direct so he got into hollywood just so he could direct which i think is so cool like he said i'll do facts of life i'll be the handyman literally the handyman on facts of life which is just some rinky dink sitcom and he just worked his way up slowly and then he directed good night and good luck and it was like a great movie yeah that's all he wanted to do well before that i think he directed confessions of a dangerous mind oh yeah that's also a really cool movie i

mean yeah he's great i love the guy yeah and uh sam rockwell's another killer that no one talks about ah he's doing fine people talk about him all right i hope he's he's doing great he's doing a lot of shit i hope so i worry about these guys he's looking at me where i'm like do people know about this guy he's doing great he's in fucking he probably works more than he can and then he can fill his schedule as agents probably like dude you're good i hope so i hope so sam rockwell really i don't know i mean he's not only he's not like uh he should be on tmz or front page news a variety you know moon is killer first off if you're on tmz days, you either cheated or you're, or you're dead. So you don't want to be on TMZ.

He was in Charlie's angels as the villain, like 20 years ago. That was like, he's working. He's been working forever. Good. That Martin McDonough movie with Francis McDormand. He's working everywhere. Oh, that's right. Three billboards or whatever. He's in a good point all right all right thank god I turned in my aunt there I'm like I've never heard of him in anything and I'm like he's in 18 movies last year dude moon he's in like go to his imdb and you're

like this dude's in every movie that's true you're right seven psychopaths he was in recently yes he's just that good he just like slipped into a role no he's fucking awesome but he's doing fine he's not i'm not worried about him all right if they're if they're not at the top of the forbes list i'm like oh this guy's struggling he's probably homeless i'm worried about no he's all right but it just feels like if you got a liquor now it used to be like in the 90s michael jordan opened a steakhouse holy shit he's made it and now you gotta have a liquor oh jordan had everything jordan had a cologne that's true it smelled like dog shit he like jordan just like just that was like the 90s i feel like

just put your name on fucking anything yeah well the sneakers were such a hit that i think he was like what else let's keep going sneakers are like the all-time biggest i mean because he was with nike when nike was shit you saw that in the doc right yeah that's right that's right isn't that crazy to think nike was like a middle-of-the-road shoe company yeah that's insane it's insane because it's literally now like yeah zion got into uh no no wasn't no maybe it was steph curry under under under armor yeah he got a fat deal because but that's the way to do it everyone makes fun of him because his his sneakers do look like geriatric nurse shit i mean they don't look great but that's how you do it man i think yeah the 90s I think. Yeah, the 90s were like, throw your name.

I was thinking about this, because remember Bill Hicks had that famous bit about how Leno's a sellout because he did Doritos commercials? Yeah. And literally now, if Bill Hicks were a comic, he'd have a podcast where he'd be like, all right, fuck the world, fuck Trump,

fuck everyone, fuck Biden. Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve.com. All your dildos and sex he would do fucking anything now you're right you're right that's so true i guess he shat on leno because leno was like at the he was on the tonight show already he's like how much do you need but i still think about that where it's like fuck it man who gives a shit at this point? I know. Once I saw David Cross do Alvin and the Chipmunks, I was like, all right, this is the, like, altiest kind of, like, on-the-fringes guy ever,

and he's doing Chipmunks. Like, come on. The guy's trying to pay his mortgage. You know David Cross gave shit to every comic in the 90s who did anything like that, and now he's doing Alvin and the fucking Chipmunks? Come on, man. Exactly. They all fall through because you got to pay the bills in the 90s who did i know like that and now he's doing alvin and the fucking chipmunks come on man exactly they all they all fall through because you got to pay the bills and you want a boat or

you want a house in uh catalina whatever it is so i get it who's the joke on really like oh fuck you sell out you're like i'm doing i'm hocking doritos so i can have a helicopter yeah it's fucking uh it's fucking dumb i don't i don't get it but uh i also think like now i see kevin hart on tv so much where i'm like i'm watching the knicks game the other night and his ad played literally every break to the point like i gotta mute the tv because it's making me fucking insane and then i'm like he's getting paid every time that comes on i know and i'm literally like he's getting paid so much that i'm like i can't hear anymore stop it yeah he's a guy where i'm like i get it you're five one you're hustling but like take a breather man like i i like to work that's why he's that big dude i guess so because he was

i remember i was like i remember i was on uh what's that show in indianapolis where they fucking hated me uh crackers yeah but what's the morning show they do this oh bob and tom oh man so i'm bombing on that shit and uh and he called in to promote a new uh to promote a new movie it's like he's like he's that's how he's wired he'll call the local indianapolis show oh my god that's how you that's how you get that successful you're like you know yeah i heard a story about him uh back when he was like a young comic in philly like just starting to headline he would stand outside after his show he'd kill then he'd stand outside after a show with like a marvel composition book and go hey if you like the show write your email down and i'll email you

next time i'm in town and so you know 100 people would write their email down and literally he would put it in you know by hand one by one and then next year he would hit them up again and they would come back out and he would sell out everywhere i tried to do that after i heard him say that on marin i think and i tried to do that and uh i got i got bored one by one was a lot it was and also like it's a fucking insane you start trying to look at at people's handwriting you're like is it a three or an a what right right i've seen people do with like the ipad but now it's like just fucking follow me on social media man don't make me like i i have to do we have to do so much shit that that the people that came before us didn't have to do like jerry seinfeld didn't have to cut up clips and get them captioned and be like like find like the amount of content

that we have to put out to stay relevant now like i don't want to hear it from our fucking elders dude i don't i get it man i mean i love the guys i respect them but like i don't want to hear it from our fucking elders, dude. I don't. I get it, man. And I love the guys. I respect them. But, like, I don't want to hear it. You were able to tour with the same fucking hour. I know. You do one Tonight Show or one whatever, Leno, Letterman, and you were in. Like, Letterman, not one.

I shouldn't say that. But, like, that was the social media. It was TV. That was it. You do an evening at the Improv. They were gatekeepers, but still like, dude, I feel like we have to do like the amount of Carsons it used to take to be a star. We have to do like specials now.

Oh, that's good. That's a good way to put it. I think you're right. Like Bill Burr said it best. He's like a special is now just an advertisement for the road. Like here, if you like some of this, come see me on the road. Where the special used to be a special. This, it was almost like a movie. Like, here we go. This is it. You get popcorn. You'd call your friends. You put on HBO and you watched it. Now it's like,

here's an ad for my road shit. Come see me on the road. That's a good point. I thought of a Carson bit that this would, this would never work with anyone but a comic, but like, you ever going down on your girlfriend and she's coming and she gives you the little motion up to come up and fuck. Yeah. That's like the equivalent of the carson like you made it to the couch yeah yeah right that's like that'll

that'll never make a that'll never make a anyone but a comic even smile or like that's my one yeah see i never got to the couch when i eat a girl out i just get this yeah perfect which is what he used to do when he didn't get to the couch but yeah totally oh i got it i loved it all right yeah only a comic would get that so what's your pet peeve we went off on a whole another tan i got a few i'm trying to think which one to do it with here's i think this might be mine so all right i'll try this one meditation is is i all right i'm trying it it's very i know you're not into it i tried it i really gave it a real shot like 10 tries and i can't do it you're too restless i think that's my yeah that's my guess here's my thing i tried i even called you know

i talked i textless i didn't call him but i we were texting for a while about it and i was like tell me what to do he's in a t TCM. I'm very base level beginner. And- TCM, Turner Classic Movie. What is that? Yes. I know it's transcendental. Yes, it's a Humphrey Bogart meditation.

It's when I do Edward G. Robinson, you go, she? That's how you meditate. That's my mantra, see? Right, right. Well, what is TCM? TCM is transcendental. Oh, okay, okay, so i uh i'm doing very base level shit i'm doing like headspace the app i just started and uh look it drives me insane

some of the like i'm there because i have bad depression i'm trying to deal with and you know you have this crippling depression and and the guys are like this is for depression uh notice everything in your room and i'm like okay and he's like notice the smells i'm like the smells i'm here because i'm fucking miserable you want me to like i'm gonna be like what is that uh take out chinese i'm cured thank you right right yes yes my leftover is great it drives me insane so yeah uh one. Yeah. That's one that's driving me crazy. The whole like feel you notice everything in your body. It's a pandemic, dude. I can't, I haven't been exercising. I like, it's like literally everything that's like triggering my fucking mental

illness already. Yeah. I'm with you. I mean, they go, listen to, do you hear the fan focus on the fan? You're like, I hear the fan, but I also hear the hobo in the, in the street's talking about you know the aliens and the jews and whatever when you're like this this is not helping notice all the sounds what is it a black israelite what the fuck was that is he in the hallway how'd he get here right right no it's exactly new york maybe it's not the best place to meditate you hear sirens and shit yes gunshot but then you have that moment where you're like well maybe they're worse off than me and that maybe gives you a little boost but it you know it's uh that's not bad it's it's a lot right now i'm gonna stick

with it as long as i can but uh try it i guess but yeah it's there there are a lot of them there's some for creativity i just want to like i think the focusing on the breathing i get that i can that's good with that that's good but it might be a bit maybe you have this bit but it it just seems weird that you have an app for meditation the phone is the whole struggle with frustration and addiction is that yours no it's not mine okay but yeah like it's not mine. Oh, okay. But yeah, like, it's just weird that I'm going to the phone again to escape. But I'm back on the phone. It just feels counterproductive. That's a good point. Like, literally everything is in the phone.

The dating apps. Yes. The email. Porn. Twitter. Everything. Negativity. Whatever.

Just, you know, social media. Pictures with my mom. Yeah, it's all there. Yeah. Good point. just you know pictures with my mom it's all there yeah good point yeah so meditation i think would be my pet peeve but i'll stick with it i'll stick with it and uh they say it takes practice i'll report back what about a wreck any good recommendations oh baby well this is gonna be a weird one hit me i love it i'm going outside the box here. We usually do movies, music, documentary, whatever it is. It's anything.

It's what we make it. All right. So it's a drink. It's one more drink. It's a boozy show. I got to recommend, and I wish I had one on me. There's White Claw. There's Bud Light, whatever, Seltzer.

There's all these weird ones ones but high noon i drank it all christmas it's a great it's it's not a seltzer beer whatever you call it it's a actual vodka and seltzer drink it's not like a malt liquor it's actually liquor and you go and you get it like the at the corner store they have it yeah it's the same shape it's like And you can get it at the corner store? They have it? Yeah, it's the same shape. It's like the skinny can. But it's a great substitute where you actually are drinking a cocktail in a can instead of just drinking malt liquor, which is White Claw. They're really whittling their way into the corner store.

Because I feel like some of those corner stores weren't allowed to sell the hard liquor. They were only allowed to sell the beer. Now they're kind of finding ways in. Right. It's a good way in. A lot of people think these White Claws are healthy for you. It's just corn syrup and other shit and chemicals. It's still bad for you. It's just better than beer fat-wise.

Less calories, right? Less calories. This one is actually a liquor and a seltzer in a can and i can't recommend it enough and the hangover wasn't so bad i don't think that's healthy well i'm not i'm not saying you know it's actually hard liquor probably there's no chemicals though it's just uh liquor and seltzer and we're moving on with our life in a can it's not. It's not trying to trick you. Yeah, I don't think anyone, the White Claw people, I hear you.

I don't think any of them are health junkies. I don't think any of them are like, wait a minute. I think girls like them. Women like them because they're low-cal. And they're good. I drank five tonight. They're fucking great. They have them at the club?

Oh, yeah. All the clubs have them now. They're great for a shit now white claws damn good you know it's good when like every other brand is fat you and your shit i see corona i see bud light they're all stealing it yeah they're all stealing but high noon's a little different and they taste great and i had like 10 of them the hangover's not that bad it's it's a little more pure it's still shit it's all in a can but it's it's liquor and not malt liquor with with flavors ah that's interesting i'll give it a go yeah i mean i like i like making my own shit but yeah also it's a good idea sometimes when you want to go to the when you want a drink on the

walk or something it's kind of yes especially pandemic man it's getting cold but i'll tell you these new york shows it's crazy we're still we're still keeping them going they got the heat lamps on people i i like the outdoor vibe still it's kind of still feels gorilla style it's still kind of exciting to me so totally i'm sticking with it i did that phantom power i know it's not new york but that phantom power joke and PA on your recommendation. And it was like people out there with blankets as barrel fires, as heat lamps. And they were great. It's great, man. I, I, the outdoor thing is like, I mean,

I think after this pandemic, I'm done with it forever. So I'm trying to be like, let's really enjoy it. I don't think I'm going to be hitting people up for the rooftops once the comedy cellar is open. But no, we did our time. Do you think that I think one good thing about the pandemic and I hate it. I'm ready to get out. It's a it's a bitch. But we're going to appreciate the shit out of everything.

Every diner hang, every restaurant, every bar night, every flight, every everything. It's just going gonna be special again i agree yeah i saw this buddhist saying i i'm gonna i'm paraphrasing it but it's something about uh to have extreme joy you must have extreme pain as well and i'm kind of like i didn't need this much joy dude i would have been happy at like a three or four i didn't i know i didn't need you know it's not like we didn't enjoy these diner hangs to begin with we loved every minute of them but oh dude i feel like how many times we text each other like we have such good lives we we were like we did not we were

grateful i feel like that's a good point we had gratitude we'll be even more grateful but i mean how often do we like text each other like we we just hung with one of our heroes. Like we fucking, we paid attention. Yeah. We were present. That's true. Well, we had such normal live. We were,

we're very normal guys. That's what I love about comedy. Now I'm getting drunk and I'm, I'm, I'm here. I'll go one more. Why not? I'm a little,

there you go. One more drink. This actually feels like hanging out now. It really feels, I love it. This was a tall glass here and I'm, I'm at the bottom and I had a bunch of white claws, but this is what's great about comedy.

And I know this has been said before, but Mick Jagger is never going to see some bar guitar player at a bar and go, we should hang out. And yet we've hung out with Dave Attell and Seinfeld and Bill Burr and all these fucking legends because comedy is so much less pretentious than everything else and we're normal guys like you meet these actors and they're fucking cunts they're the worst you're like you're not even

living on earth you're so out to lunch these actors and you're right There's still a connection to like, to bar life and still like, yes, some of the bar life is is very egalitarian. You're all together. There's something that's very every man about bars. That's kind of what I love about him. It's called a pub. It's public. That's the whole thing public. And there's something about once you become too famous, we always say you don't you're not funny anymore. Usually, there's there's's a few exceptions but like when you're too famous a lot of time you're not funny because you don't have a connection to reality and uh you know a lot of actors are weighted hand on hand and foot and you're just not a person anymore you don't i mean i'm not saying of course these actors like work for their shit so many of them work for sure i mean that's a type of rejection that's i think to me more painful than what we do it's a good point they're waiting around uh and all

that shit yeah but like we at least can make our own opportunities we're like shit a pandemic we'll start our own show you know right like there is something cool about that whereas actors kind of have to wait on a show like i i watched this thing and it was cool but it's just so weird like it was christine baranski uh meryl streep and audra mcdonald they sang a song from company the the uh stephen sonheim show and it was on fucking zoom oh really and it was cool they were all they're all incredible i was like shit i didn't know meryl streep could sing you're like fucking a man wow but they all had amazing voices and it was a cool production and uh that is cool but it's on zoom but they're still doing someone else's words like we can still kind of make right you know like and that is kind of cool so uh and and there is something there is something about how accessible comics are that it's good and it's bad like i'm sure yes every once in a while i go

a little crazy i'm like but then i'm also like i do like that i know who's coming up i do like that right that guys ahead of us know about us it's like there is something and i i'm sure it's all the same in different art forms different mediums or whatever but uh there is something in comedy where like they really a lot of the legends are pretty cool yes yeah the funny ones are usually cool uh it's funny how the the mean ones are always like i always thought you were a hack anyway but isn't it amazing how they're like shitty to you on the way up and you're just like i'm gonna pass you dude like you're fucking it's weird it's weird i remember someone did that to me at the strip once at the comic strip i was auditioning and they did like an american idol style thing and they just like trashed the

auditioning comics and it was a hell gig i had to wait for fucking ever you know and that auditioned me so many times this trip it's crazy these clubs wanted to be so fucking loyal i know so badly on the way up and i still have love for this trip because i'm like who cares it's all sure i still love it but like some of the shit they put you through and then you're getting critiqued by like a fucking like a restaurant host basically like who are you're not gonna be around man i know so then so then uh one of the they had comics signed up or something in my head like what comics in their fucking right mind are signing up to critique other comics like it's so uncomic like what right so uh anyway uh i remember a comic i didn't respect was like yeah little hacky and i was like you're the fucking i want to be like you're the biggest fucking hack i've ever seen of course and uh

yeah and another guy was like eh i mean and then i remember i auditioned in the week later in two comics i respected judge and they gave me they gave me love and it's like you know it it's so fucking dumb there you go the people that are shitty to young comics on the way up it's like it's crazy that's on you that's in your in your fucking toxic world you're insecure so you're it's projection they're all projecting you know like i have some doubts i have some thoughts so i'm gonna put that shit on you it's all fucked up it makes me sick and you see these celebrities now like wonder woman or whoever the fuck is doing these like black and white yeah she's doing these black and white

things all these actors imagine yeah and you're like oh that was rough that's and i get it there they have good intentions and maybe they're donating and all that but they're out of touch they're out of touch and that's the key i don't know her i don't know i mean like you know like i know she's also done a lot of good like i'm sure she's inspired a ton of little girls with there aren't many female super the funny thing is i didn't even see wonder woman but from what i saw like there's so few female superhero movies i saw birds of prey i thought that was a good movie but that movie fuck it that's like an edgy female superhero movie and it fucking bombed ah interesting i think it bombed because it looked a lot like suicide squad and i think that was horrible but it was actually a good movie but uh yeah with gal gadot it's like

it it's just that i'm famous i'm surrounded by people like she's gorgeous she's surrounded by people who are just like let me do this let me let me dab your head here let me uh let me do your hair make sure nothing is wrong at any time maybe you need a pimple sometimes yeah that sinks in but and look my point is i'm not i don't want i don't know why we got off on her i'm not trying to single her out but like i'm just saying the out of touchness is comics our whole job is to attack that and not be that and and fucker and joke about people who do do that and that's what i love about this business you could good comics call out bullshit yeah we call out bullshit we make fun of that it It's all, it's policing kind of pretension.

And some comics, let's be honest, they get wrapped up in the celebrity. They get caught up in it, yeah. Well, yeah, absolutely. But that, you said it very well, policing pretension. And there's something about it. Like the idea that, like I'm sure people are talking about this to death,

but the idea that you singing Imagine, like the country's bleeding money. People are of work small businesses are crumbling i know session people are depressed out of their mind she's like what if i sang a song i know you know it's like there's something tone deaf about that so right it's like it's a lack of awareness but then also like it feels arrogant and yes it is a bummer when you see comics pop up in that shit because you're like ah you're better than that and you know better than that completely completely or maybe you're not who the fuck knows yeah maybe you're not and it tends to be the funny ones the funniest comics are the ones who are kind of void of that like no matter

how much you do to them you praise them you shower them with compliments and money and fame they it's still in there there's that like how many times you put on a leather jacket and you hear every voice in your head going yeah you look great but what are you kidding you can't pull this off you're not gonna go out you're gonna go outside with this thing you what are you fonzie get the fuck out of here we'll give you a pass during a special but other than that go fuck yourself go fuck yourself it is there's something about comics uh that we're like almost supposed to be the the kids that didn't get into the party i think yes oh completely we're like we're like they're like we're like on the outside like i know a guy just let us in they're just like sorry you're not yeah i remember quinn once said we're supposed to be the losers

yes that's why we're funny and it's like i don't know we have to be like fucking losers but we don't but we shouldn't be the the winners of the winners and that is like yes that keeps when you're winning what's funny unless unless you're like delusional unless you're like like danny mcbride winning or something right yeah that's funny or rodney dangerfield winning where it's like that it works if you're like in back to school or some shit but like yeah yeah it usually it is a hard pull off it's also rodney looks the way he does yeah that that all factors in i remember uh julia julia louis gervais had a great point about kramer she's like he thinks he's the funniest guy in the room.

And he's like this unemployed hipster doofus with high hair and a shirt from the forties. That's why he's funny. He thinks he's the guy, but he's not the guy. And we all know he's not the guy, but he thinks it's like Tom McCaffrey. He's cocky. And he's a, he's a fucking Joe Schmo from New York. And he thinks he's this hot shit and that's a he's a fucking joe schmoe from new york and he thinks he's this hot shit and that's fucking gold those of you that don't know tom mccaffrey great joke writer brilliant talks like new york guy but he talks like a valley girl for some reason he'll be like i'm awesome right i'm

so good at comedy that's how he would talk and he would do jokes like i just uh i just read jenna jameson's autobiography the movie was better jokes like that he was great i mean such a funny dude such a funny dude such a great joke writer plus he had the persona that's why like you know people always say oh good looking comics they don't work they don't work and you're like they do work if you're smart enough to know about, like, Daniel Tosh is a good-looking guy. But he's like, I'm going to go in on that. And that's why he's clever. That's why he made it. You brought up Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

She's gorgeous. I mean, like, she's still beautiful. I mean. Yeah. She doesn't age. Funny's funny, man. That's the other thing. But she is playing, like, even on on veep she's playing a fucking mess like

she has succeeded to the it's funny it's also just inherently funny when that you were the veep that you've right you've ascended to the highest level oh wait no you didn't great point you're right here so yeah i think when she's so good at just like still being self-deprecating and still being i mean she she's incredible i love i love julie louis-dreyfus i was on colbert with her once and i was so bummed i didn't get to meet her what so bummed no she's a b that was like i'm it's rare that i'm like i need to meet you yes just a hello oh god that kills me you didn't we didn't cross paths wow so many hours of my life have been watching her and just been in awe you know i mentioned the bisque i mean i know all i know everything i've watched people i've watched seinfeld that's and she was on snl for like 10

minutes legend legend what also rich kid her dad's like an oil tycoon oh but no beyond rich beyond rich they're like on rich like are they vidal sassoon uh i don't know about that somebody googled that give that a go i don't know about we don't have anyone here uh i thought he was like a like an oil guy or a ship magnate something something like that she's great uh she's great and hot and rich and still funny i love her uh my rec i've been telling you about this i don't know if you got out of yet rick and morty i gotta get on this okay let me tell you something first off please the show is great i think the fans push people away the fans are annoying the fans of of Rick and Morty. Yes. Or religion.

This is a real Catholic church of a show here. And no, it's fantastic, man. It's like, it's so out there. You know what I love about it? It's basically quick rundown. It's just like a grandfather who's the smartest guy. He's the smartest guy in the world. He's a genius scientist.

He's created portals that can go anywhere, other dimensions. He funny as shit he's quick with a one-liner and he takes his grandson on all these adventures and just so many great plots and the idea that i think there's something about like all the chaos and disorder in the world right now the fact that this guy's in complete control of all of it and no one can beat him because he's this omnipotent type of being is providing a lot of comfort right now for me interesting and it's really dan harman created it who's fucking brilliant the guy is so so fucking funny yeah highly recommend highly great premise just just hearing the premise because i've watched one or two and i was like it's okay and i don't know if i get it what am i missing because i was like the jokes aren't amazing but i think when you're like oh it's a grandfather

delivering a joke oh dude i think i was missing something oh uh yeah i was i was walking with ryan hamilton our buddy the other day and uh r loves Ryan loves the show, too. And Ryan goes, Yeah, the grandpa almost is like a tell to me where he's like this kind of wisecracking guy that keeps winning. Like, when you picture a tell on stage, you like he never loses in even the slightest, you know, joke misfires, he saves it. And that's kind of like what the grandpa does he's like this genius but he's he farts and he burps there's like no you talked about no pretension like that's what that show has for me where he he has the wittiest lines but then he'll like fart and you're like it's so rare a guy just burps while he talks it's fucking interesting it takes your second like is he burping and you're like oh they just have a guy who burps so right okay all right all right i'm in i'm gonna do it pilot on it is that there's a pilot though is it on youtube or where is it hbo max okay okay i have that all right i'm gonna do it i'm going all in because i'm a streamer

right now all right i'm in oh and i watched soul on your recommendation what'd you think give me the honest very very good i really liked it pretty good it's i saw nicky glazer tweeted soul was okay which made me laugh because it's like literally every person i see is like it's the greatest movie i've ever seen right i know i love it it's the greatest but it's a for a kid's movie it's pretty damn deep and i'll tell you this it doesn't feel like a kid's movie to me no no that's like what fucking what fucking kid is into this movie it's like about death and it's like afterlife souls all that metaphysics yeah it's great that's my critique it didn't feel like a kid's movie i i watched no no i enjoyed the movie i'm just saying i watched this movie about death and

purgatory and accepting that your life is over and giving up on your dreams it felt very much like where we're at right now yes i watched i watched with ryan hamilton again and ryan even commented as he runs down the steps to go into the jazz club he's like that may as well have been the comedy seller exactly so the fact that he has to like give up on his dreams and it's like you have all those moments where you're like this will be the time that i yeah i figure it all out and uh it felt very it felt very relevant especially now somebody had a great point i was talking to him about soul and they were like it kind of just completely negates religion you know it's just like there's an afterlife or there's a there's no like heaven or hell it's just like we're souls this is how it works and i was like oh shit you're right never thought about it that way

interesting yeah that's weird for some kids i'm sure yeah i just it didn't feel like a kid's movie like i get how like even up as a kid's movie even with that fucking depressing opening oh yeah but but then you think about it like all those movies have some weird parental shit or like yeah it's like bambi even going back or like uh lion king they all have something yeah my guess is how you how you introduce a kid to all this stuff let me ask you a slightly offensive question while i have you we're talking about kids movies somebody told me fievel goes west is a jewish kids movie never heard of it what the mouse i don't know it wow okay maybe not then if you don't know it as a jewish fella

i'm not the spokesperson i know but but you grew up in that era. I never heard of this. Fievel Goes West. Wow. Okay. I might have seen it when it came out, but I was five when this came out. So I don't. I figured that was right up your anal.

Fievel Goes West. What was your go-to movie as a kid? What was your favorite kids movie? I loved Aladdin. Huge Aladdin fan. I liked him. I liked that Robert Williams is in it. It felt like actually a funny movie for kids. Gilbert Gottfried. favorite kids movie i loved aladdin huge aladdin fan i liked him i like the you know robert williams is in it it felt like actually a funny movie for kids gilbert godfrey yes gilbert robin it was

great it was a great combo so there's comics in it so i always loved aladdin but uh let's see go to i mean i grew up fast with i watched animal house when i was like five you know what i was way too young my parents parents had a squad. But you don't even get it, though, at five. You're like, what am I watching, right? I just love the fact that these guys were living life and going crazy and all that. It says so much about you that you watch Animal House at five. Caddy Shack, all that shit.

I love Bill Murray. He was my hero. What about Bob? Bill Murray was my guy, too. That's interesting. We watched Groundhog Day, and I was just like, man, I loved him so much. I still love him. So subtle. he was my hero what about bob was bill murray was my guy too that's interesting like i i re-watched groundhog day and i was just like man i loved him so much like i still love him subtle yeah yeah he was just like cool he was we talk about like it's funny how we just shat on comics for being

cool because i do think bill murray had like a cool vibe it was always like very like okay like it was always yeah it was always like he'd always say like go fuck yourself without saying go fuck yourself yes yes he fuck yourself. Yes, yes. He was kind of a cunt, but you loved him, but he was an everyman, but he was smarter than everybody, but he was also depressed. I mean, he had so many layers

and he could just deliver a line and you felt like you were in on it and they weren't. I mean, it was brilliant. Yeah, I remember quick, I love how much this podcast just devolves into movie talkers. We're both fucking nerds. We're both movie nerds but uh i remember quick change i loved when i first saw love it love that one what about bob is funny as shit too oh so funny but as a comic i'm so

insecure on i gotta get a laugh every 10 seconds i gotta have punch lines out the ass and he could just milk it and sit in it and i loved it and i think i'm kind of like in awe of that yeah that's a good point i mean sometimes we gotta we gotta sit in it i mean we're both i think similar in that way where we both need that bam bam bam yeah and sometimes you gotta just say now let me because i think we see some of the problem is you see some of those guys that take too much time and we're like i don't yes yes exactly but when you do it just right there's nothing better i mean like i think freud would say laughter is a release of tension and and there's no greater release than when you make them work for it a little bit as an audience so like yeah i think murray kind of mastered that

well said yeah great point what do you think about now with like younger people like my girlfriend is seven years younger than me and movies to her you know we quote goodfellas we quote bill murray we can quote most movies movies had such an impact and she's like oh i never saw this i'm like you never saw coming to america she's like i've never heard of it i'm like i had to show i had to show a girl Coming to America, yeah. Yeah. And then you turn to that dude, you're like, oh, I'm just the dude. Like, I'm that dude cliche, like, you need to see this movie.

Yes, yes. I'm like, you've never seen Pulp Fiction? Pulp Fiction, like, changed my life, changed the way I looked at things in the world. She's like, I've never seen Pulp. I'm like, oh my God. Our buddy Ronan Hirshberg uh i was talking about today and he said the funniest thing to me where he said uh you know i'm i'm alone in this pandemic i'm alone so i'm just watching great movies yeah he's like that's that's what you do when you're alone you

don't you're not gonna like shit on a movie by yourself like i'm not gonna i'm not gonna say it alone i was like oh that's such a fucking great point but that's a great point so he's like i'm You're not going to like shit on a movie by yourself. Like I'm not going to say it alone. I was like, oh, that's such a fucking great point. That's a great point. So he's like, I'm just watching like Citizen Kane. And you're like, that's kind of, it gets boring when you're only watching greatness. You kind of want to watch like something you could,

you want to watch like Point Break every once in a while, you know? Right, right. My point is. You need nachos after a filet every now and then. Oh, of course and there's nothing better than watching like speed with someone i think speed is a good movie but like yeah it doesn't better than watching a movie like that and just like i mean keanu's acting in that movie like he's gotten way better that wasn't like pete keanu yet you know good point

yeah so it's like you can still kind of shit on the acting a little bit. And I kind of, I kind of, what was the line again? Pop quiz, hot shot. Pop quiz, hot shot. Oh, dude. Jeff Daniels is in it for like five minutes and Dennis Hopper is the villain. I mean, that movie is all over. Sandra Bullock is like a young starlet. That movie is great.

I saw that in the theater. Sandra Bullock. Yeah, dude. Dennis Hopper is a villain. So fucking funny. Oh, yeah. What fucking funny oh yeah what do you do what do you do there's a wildcat behind the wheel wildcat cameron from ferris bueller's in that he's like the annoying country guy i love him i love him dude succession yeah great actor underrated pops up everywhere too he would like pop up on sitcoms even when he wasn't where he was in like scrubs city spin dude he's great on spin cities right

he's in a great episode of justified too he plays uh he plays a complex character for one episode it's great but uh yeah dude i something about those shitty movies too but i i've definitely dated girls where you have to be like you i'm not an annoying guy to date but there's a couple you gotta see I'm sorry like I know come on what are you doing it's like saying you never heard this Beatles song or you never heard Stairway to Heaven or uh you know like an Elvis tune it gets weird American culture Goodfellas is a must although I'll die this hill. Sopranos is fucking way better, dude. Well, it's a different animal. It's a different animal, but when you got that type of animal,

it's like, okay, we're talking like a little animal. I found a way bigger animal. It's way more meat. Why am I going back to that little animal? There's more meat. There's seasons. There's years and years of development, character, and psychology. A therapist.

I mean, imagine you have a therapist with Joe Pesci. No, Goodfellas is incredible, and I'll always love it. I'm just saying Sopranos is, like, my favorite thing. But I do think, like, yeah, Godfather's incredible. Godfather 2 is incredible. Like, you rewatch some of these movies. I mean, I was with Salacuse the other day. He was like, just watch the opening to mean streets

again i was like all right fine i've seen it yeah that's why i'm like yeah it's pretty fucking cool i mean like you relive some of these 70s movies where they're like hey we're gonna breathe we're not gonna yes now instagram it's like i gotta talk it's a real i gotta hit him in 30 seconds and then yeah you look at taxi driver and you're like all right you know i'll take it so true it's so true but by the way can i ask a dumb new york question yeah again i've been drinking uh yeah me too okay good i'm not gonna be fucking i'm gonna be gone by the end of this one this podcast is gonna do damage to me yes say by By the way, I think we're eight hours in here, but I've lost all sense of time.

Who cares? We'll go long. Who gives a shit? Salacuse is my guy. He's your guy. He knows his shit. He's the man. Buddy, if you don't know,

he directed my last special up on the roof. It's on YouTube. He directs a lot of Mark shorts on his YouTube channel. He's a good buddy from New York. He's a great guy. I actually got to see him tomorrow oh nice yeah uh i'm writing a show with the guy he's a killer he's great he's funny and he's a great dude and he's got a adorable new boston terrier so oh is that right oh yeah

oh okay good for him so we have a similar uh sense of humor he loves like o and a he loves patrice he loves all that shit so he he knows his stuff and he's a he's a he's a great uh like portal into the real world he's got a wife a kid but he's still like an artist so he's got like a toe and everything but i love it it's something i love about him he's a sensible artist which is hard to find. Yes, exactly. But here's my dumb question. He grew up, he's older than me. He grew up in Brooklyn in the forties or whatever. And you grew up in Manhattan. Yeah. Is there a, is there a New York connection at all? Or is that some bullshit that I made up in my head? Absolutely. Oh, really? Of course. Are you kidding me you kidding me yeah well you never know i mean it's instant it was absolutely instant yeah i mean like even when i mean we hit it off we hit it

off immediately i mean uh through our mutual friend jessica pilot who is right uh was a colbert booker and yeah produced larry charles new netflix show and has done a million things but like i'm just saying for the listeners here but uh sure sure sure she's a she's a she's a shark i love her new york hustle energy and uh yes talk about a new yorker a real new yorker and then she introduced mad she's like you'll love him he's a new yorker it's the first thing she said i mean yeah man i hit it off instantly and then when we were talking about the new special the up on the roof special he's literally to talk about new york he's going it's gonna look like uh like a punk version of manhattan like the opening of manhattan and i was like you're talking my language now you know like

this is this is what i want to hear that's a great way to put it great and then why does where does he said it he goes it was his city and i turn him i go and it always will be i mean that's how we fucking hit and i was like that's how i knew he was the right guy. I love working with him. He's the best. I mean, the opening to Manhattan gives me chills. Same. You're so fucking beautiful. Yeah, no, there's an absolute New York connection for sure.

By the way, is that Wagner? Wagner? No, it's Gershwin. Gershwin, sorry. Wrong German. Yeah. You know, it's public public domain so you can buy it what cheap oh it's so old when music is that oh yeah because we were going to use it but it was just like what who are we kidding yeah yeah up on the roof everyone's like all right come on this is gonna sound racist but i'm tight every fucking every every pre i'm giving a discretion what do you call it uh disclaimer sure but it's not

racist but it's gonna sound racist as a as a white guy who grew up in a black neighborhood you realize black people like started everything like rock and roll blues you know hip-hop so i get some kind of white hope in classical music because i'm like thank god this wasn't stolen from a poor black guy like elvis is just doing black shit you know oh yeah no elvis justin timberlake they're just doing black culture but then you hear classical you're like all right they got whitey could come up with something Jesus Christ I'm not saying it's in that way I'm just saying it like I think you just say it in a way that you want to bring stuff to the table yeah no it's funny exactly you know like I was watching uh I was watching an interview

with these basketball players today uh Jimmy Butler Bam Bam Adebayo, and Tyler Hero. And, you know, the first two guys are black and Tyler is a white guy. And they're talking about how they can't swim. And Tyler Hero says, I can't swim. And they're like, oh, all right, you're one of us. That's how they brought him in. That's great. You can roll with us.

I was like, ah, that's kind of fun. I love that shit. Yeah, that's what it's all about. I'm all about connecting. And everybody gets weird when you bring up race. But can roll with us. I was like, ah, it's kind of fun. I love that shit. Yeah, that's what it's all about. I'm all about connecting, and everybody gets weird when you bring up race, but I want to connect. No, no, no. I get that from you. As road dogs, we want to do every city, every market. You want to do red state, blue state.

I mean, there's comics that want to play to their crowds, and there's comics that want to build their crowds. We want to play to their crowds and there's comics that want to build their crowds we want to we want to turn people like there's that's how we came up as comics is like you know doing those hell gigs where you're like let me see if i could turn them yes exactly and even outside of comedy i don't want to get to a place where like asking questions is considered taboo or or offensive or whatever i just want to like, I want to learn. I want to get to know. And the only way to get to know is to talk and discuss. And I worry that discussion is, is like off limits almost now. And I grew up talking shit with guys in my neighborhood. I went to public school. That was all it was like, what's up with this? What's up with that? You know, they'd be

like, what's up with Nirvana? And I was like, what's up with, uh, you know, this, uh, public enemy or whatever the fuck. And I think that's a better way to be, but it, you know,'d be like what's up with nirvana and i was like what's up with a you know this uh public enemy or whatever the fuck and i think that's a better way to be but it you know we get we get dicey it gets in a dicey private school but the same shit we had the same conversations you know yes here here like i think it's fascinating like like asses i think that's a whole black thing like i grew up in the 90s it it was all tits. You don't like asses? No, I do. But it wasn't a thing. And I think black guys brought that in.

It was all tits. I grew up more of a tits. Admittedly, I grew up more of a tits guy, for sure. We all did. But now it's like, I'll say this about the asses. It's getting a little out of control. Like, you see some of these Instagram people and it's like this. And I'm like,

all right, it's not supposed to be shaped like, like that. That's like, yeah. It's a little aggressive. Is it not? It's a bit much.

And I don't know if any can't be healthy. One of those Instagram, she just died. We talked about that. Oh, that's right. That's right. Yeah.

So they go, it's like everything you go too far, you know, PETA is like, Hey, you kill a cockroach is like killing a monkey. You're like, well, now you're going too far. You know, it's like everything you go too far, you know, PETA is like, Hey, you kill a cockroach is like killing a monkey. You're like, well, now you're going too far. You know, it's the same with asses. All right. We've gone off the rails here.

We're on the rails. What, give me a newspaper story, a news story. Oh, geez. You got it. All right. So I heard this is a horrible joke and I feel embarrassed to say it, but it was a, so a news story came out about how um no one has had sex in space ever oh okay and i thought well the people of the challenger got fucked all right i'm embarrassed to say it but that was my my one liner You throw a lot of the pun stuff on Twitter But it's clever and it works I mean it definitely is

That's a good joke Oh thanks Yeah it's a fun joke That's not one you're bringing on stage But that's a good social media That's a good like Twitter post for sure Right right Oh well we both had a Casey Anthony joke

What was Oh what was yours? Yours is way smarter than mine mine was uh very a to b what well i mean dude's fucking twitter you know yeah new york post let me let me read the actual headline okay casey anthony launches private investigation business in florida you can't you can't write a better setup it's jay lennon did he hear about this casey anthony right right so of course you're like well florida that's that's the that's funny right there that's funny right there yeah the meat of it is oh i wrote uh i heard also jeslane maxwell is opening a women's shelter oh

that's good i like that that's really good it's very you know you got the i saw i saw people post like ones that's way better yours is way better than the oj thing i saw oh were people posting oj i saw someone post like oj uh oj's opening a pi thing too i'm like yeah that's two that's two uh two the same two the same man mine was uh it was a that's like if batman uh became that's how he became batman after he killed his own parents that was my angle yeah it's hard well that's all right it's whatever it's it's twitter man it's uh casey anthony man fuck you see that documentary yeah i did actually is it crazy i heard it's nuts it's pretty wild and it it shows you how crazy she is she was blowing she was blowing the lawyer right yeah oh yeah she's in fucking nuts and like kind of

attractive so that that bros a whole new rent that's how you get the documentary you're not getting it if you're not a looker i mean yeah i mean jody arias is not getting all that air time if she's just like a fucking five who hacked up her boyfriend you know right hey right it's funny it looks equal tv time like air time ted bundy i mean is he that both ways is he that fucking i know he's still a murderer is he selling a netflix special well he got he got on netflix he did an hour before us yeah killing murdering is uh the key now no he really uh that was a good one that was one of the last i heard the one uh something on something beach on hbo you know what i'm talking about that's like oh middle beach everyone's saying that's a really good one it's good it's really good it's a bummer but it's good that's

the thing it's like how much of this shit can you watch without like, like without having an effect? It's already gray outside every day. It's already, you know, 40 degrees. I have to force myself to take a walk like I'm 75. Yeah, it's true. But here's the first of all, that was directed and shot by the son of the kid whose mom got murdered so that's also like a mind fuck unreal when somebody has the theory that things are kind of obviously outside of the pandemic things are so easy now that we have to

find sadness interesting that's that's not my theory so i don't know if i agree with that i i i i definitely get that but i think also uh i think also when things are dark you gravitate toward dark because it feels like it mirrors your reality in a way like i mean like when you have a breakup you listen to breakup songs yeah i think it's true it doesn't it makes you feel better in a weird way so sometimes i think if it's not too dark i mean murder is like extreme but oh yeah too dark it does give you like some sort of like all right there's other people right what i'm going through um i think people are dark like well it's just where we do this weird math like if you do a pedophile joke we're like hey

that's fucked up that's horrible but then they then there'll be like the Michael Jackson doc is doubt. Isn't that weirder? Isn't that worse that you're watching that with popcorn? Like he spread his ass cheeks and Macaulay Culkin. And I'm like, I made a joke about a fictional thing. You're watching the real thing. I don't know.

It's a good point. I heard someone make a great point about Michael Jackson is like, it took us so long to come to terms with the bad shit he did because we were complicit. I was like, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. And you're talented. People like it took us so long to come to terms with the bad shit he did because we were complicit I was like that's true yeah yeah and you're talented people like it but also when you're the ones when you're like you're like I got a glove at home am I gonna turn on them you know what I mean like yeah it is harder when you're part of the problem people love to be a part of the mob but it's not as easy to be a part of a mob when you're like oh shit i've got those records on my fucking phone yeah i grew up with that shit my mom sings it you know when remix to ignition comes on we're all

we're all fist pumping it's a good song it's a great tune i can separate i can separate like okay this guy's a monster but he put out good art yeah i was thinking about i was talking to my mom today uh about roald dahl the oh big anti-semite again well it originally started with my buddy ronan again but we're talking about roald dahl and like how you know what an anti-semite he is and i mean the guy had the most imaginative mind yeah charlie and the chocolate factory james and the giant peach you can't imagine that jews are people too like at that point, it's like, it drives me insane. It's so true. It's fascinating that that's why racism is so fascinating.

Cause you're like, it's like being a serial killer. Like how does your mind go that way? Yeah. They're all people we're just different pigment or religion. It's a bummer when it's a childhood guy too, where you're like, I love the twits. I love this shit growing up you know i heard the guy who invented rugrats hates uh armenians don't don't you dare oh do the rugrats talk about like the best uh voices ever yeah all the voices are gold that's true i never thought about that tommy they're all you hear those voices like this is

these are like a big reason for the show's success completely because the animation was like okay but yeah the voices were great but they're adorable in the animation they're cute kids yeah angelica was always terrifying twat i hated her we all hated her she grew up to be a real whore you could tell she really definitely she was a cutter and she was promiscuous no doubt about it tommy was like angelica you need to get it together we're worried about you'd be like shut up shut up yeah that'd be a fun show rugrats now like now that they're like 17 or 18 yeah that would be good it's just dark as hell it'd be great if they just went in a real terrible direction what i'll give you my my uh my news story is chrissy tegan

uh what happened new york post she's been sober four months which i'm like first off that's not a long amount of time when you're rich yeah that's when you live in a fucking 10 bedroom i'm like all right you know yeah alcohol is an escape you don't need to escape when you're in a beachfront mansion you know what i mean like i deserve a fucking medal of honor every night i don't have like 10 of these you know right right like she's married to a fucking handsome musician yes it's like your life is great i understand it's a disease i'm not trying to trivialize an illness but like life is good let's be right yeah i know she did she lost a baby i think but you know oh yeah yeah that's true that's true that's was it

a miscarriage i don't know actually that's something about miscarriage i'm really judging someone without knowing the whole story i will say that's part of the story, part of the show, I think. But it's part of the, it's a bit, it's a bit, you're not, you don't know her personally, but I don't know her personally. John legend seems like a great dude. She seems all right, but I'm just saying the way we frame the way we, yes. Celebrities on the back for just generic accomplishments where it's like, you know, when they lose weight or when they do, it's like, get it's a stressful job i get what you get but let's not suck them off for losing 20 pounds

when they have a fucking trainer all right come on yeah and don't put that shit in our face where other people have real problems with like fentanyl and addiction and all this shit it's like these people are poor and dealing with that and it's it's it's a different world and they should be more aware i guess is my point like also is that even news was she even was she even uh i mean it's the post i don't i know i mean but like people drink i mean i think people are all fuck everyone's getting fucked up these days man like yeah yeah everybody's in rehab and you can't blame them i mean suicide is higher everything's fucked up now and honestly i get messages from people and i'm sure you do too

saying you know that they're struggling so if you're struggling out there man just try to hold on i think it's going to get better but uh i know it's it's a it's a tough thing but there's there's help out there suicide hotline like like do not try to try to hang on because shit man dark year but but i think there's gonna be a light at the end of the tunnel so i hope i hope and yeah when the when the clouds clear i think i it's like you had that great tweet months ago where you said uh isn't it amazing like after all this that people might still get offended a joke yeah and it sums it all up well i mean it's gonna be a while but i i think it's gonna be a while before they're at i think people are gonna

the first few months i think are gonna be like the best of our lives i hope but yeah i think there's gonna be a there's gonna be a period after whether they go back into the comfort zone i think as you said before like we get we're gonna be going to be like, oh, we're grateful. But I think, I think people fall back into where they, who they really are. Right. Well, I don't think people realize that being upset by a joke is somewhat of a privilege. Like if you have the time to write about it and tweet about it and write a letter and, and Yelp and cancel and all that, like that means you got extra time you got extra hours in your day like you know it's not yelping is uh kids making iphones or you know some lady who's getting beaten or who has to go to a farm and and or a mill or a guy working at the factory they're not they're just reply to it thanks lady

not getting beaten yeah that's uh no uh i i, I'll go the other way too. Your life is shit. Oh. No one with a good life is yelping negative reviews. No one who's like, guess what? You get a bad food delivery. You're not like, dear burrito loco. How dare you?

Like, all right, guess what? No one getting their dick sucked is writing a fucking bad TripAdvisor review. So. Good point. Yeah. Jay-Z has not been on there uh so exactly you know it goes both ways right it's like privilege but it's also like your life is probably horrible as well yeah so i try to remember that whenever someone like tags me in a thing and they're just like you're fucking the worst blah blah blah i'm like all right but you felt the need to tell me that rather than just move on to the next thing so there's some anger in here too so just right it hurts you're hurting more than i am on that yes good way to look at it good great point so uh what's uh do you have a joke this week a new joke oh yeah i gotta i mean i feel like we're going long here this is i mean

but it's a hot app though right hot app i mean i can't tell yeah i mean we're growing into it man i'm having fun doing this with you it's good also good to see it because i just like i'm used to seeing your face at the clubs i'm used to like running into you and we'll catch up we'll like find a corner and just shoot the shit and now it's like that's gone i know i know that's such a part of comedy that nobody talked about was like seeing the other comics because we're weirdos we're introverts we're we're dark we're fucked up so we like seeing other comics because it's like all right i'm human i'm normal this guy's weird too and that was a big part of it and uh that's all gone even if you can get on stage on a roof or a field with a heater

you still lose the hang yeah it's different and also like we took for granted like each other being stuffed into booths and just i know shooting the shing and hammered and just having those special nights and telling funny stories and shitting on each other and there's like there was like a what i really miss is like the way comics in new york kind of like we we fuck with each other in this like playful way that's like so we're so all of our friends i feel like are good at it and i i love that because whenever you're with someone who ball busts you and they're bad at it and you're like ouch okay you know like you're like oh i miss the the comics who are like they make they shit on me but it's like you can feel it's out of a place of love and yes so that's tough too to lose to lose that type

of interaction is is tough and some comics are so good at that ball busting quick-witted thing that like they can't do that right now and that's got to be killing like phil hanley is one of the quickest like oh he's still shitting on me i talked okay great good because that's got to be killing like phil hanley is one of the quickest like oh he's still shitting on me i talked okay great good because that's like a skill he has i'm like i don't want you to not have that or not be able to exercise that because you're so good at it yeah no dude he's so good at that shit yeah yeah i mean he had a line in your special that was like a great sidewalk line i mean dude glad this was documented gold i love that when i told my son my my biological dad lives in artist housing but he's not an artist and phil

goes well he is an escape artist it's like classic he's got that kind it's almost like the british type of ball buster yes like it's almost like the butler and arthur or something where you're like oh shit it's like snooty and you kind of like bam at the same time i love that type of humor though i like it he's so good at that so good and maybe it's canadian maybe it's a canadian thing because they're they're more british than we are more european true yeah it's like arthur wasn't it like i haven't taken my bath he goes i left the media whatever the line is i'm sure I butchered it, but it was something like that.

No, that's it. I'll alert the media. So good. So quick. All right, I'll try an idea here. Try something, please. This could be a one-liner, but I'm missing something. So my girl wants to get pregnant.

She wants to have a kid. Wow. I love when you break news to me through bit this is my post but she's i'm not saying we're having a kid i'm just saying like she's letting me know she wants a kid but don't you love it when we're talking i'm like so i had a breakup and you're just like did you that's how we communicate sometimes it's like that great reagan bit where his buddy gets divorced it was like a 20-year marriage he gets divorced he goes golfing with this guy and he comes home and the wife's like what do you say about the divorce he's like oh it never came up it's like dudes hanging out they

don't talk about that shit uh he's a legend uh and a great guy and a great guy great guy great guy great comic legend the whole thing so she wants to have a baby eventually but she's she's still young and she's like i'm so vain that i'm worried about getting pregnant and ruining my body so i might maybe we should get a surrogate and i was like yeah yeah i'll just fuck her but that's it's a little too harsh and too quick of a turn i think for the public because they're like wait what so i'm just saying like the joke no that doesn't hit did you try it yet i've tried it but i'm like i'm saying fuck so i'm like maybe i'm getting a laugh on that but i don't know if the audience is totally grasping what i'm saying surrogate laugh on that but i don't know if the audience is totally grasping what i'm saying surrogate

so like a surrogate to fuck it's such a funny idea to me not just for the for her body but like it'd be funny the funny thing is she's having a baby still but i'll fuck the surrogate who's still hot yeah i don't know i think i think it's i think it's good i think it's funny already okay okay i'll just fuck her you're like i like that you're looking at it as a fucking as a w that you're just like you're just like yeah i get to fuck a different person like that's how long you've been in a relationship she's like we've been together a long time it's time we have a baby you're like yeah we've been together a long time i would love to fuck a different person right okay i didn't know if it was clear i got it i don't know if a crowd because cause I think I will say this. I think the surrogate thing is like, I think it's rare is the thing.

Right. Right. You hear it amongst obviously the wealthy and a lot of celebrities do it, I think. But yeah, I mean, I know it just cause I've heard of it, but I, yeah, I don't know. I don't know if it's common knowledge. Okay. Okay. That's, that's good. But I think it's, I think it's a bit, I think it's funny as long as knowledge. Okay. Okay. That's good. But I think it's a bit. I think it's funny. As long as people get it, I think it's funny.

All right. I felt like you felt like- Every once in a while when you have a funny enough bit, I'm like, who gives a fuck? I mean, like- Yeah, yeah. The right people get it and the wrong people will be like, oh, I should have known that. That's true.

But you know, it's like we said earlier, we want to hit every group, every person. Is it wrong to explain it in the setup which is like when you might slow it down maybe maybe that's not bad maybe i mean what is that it's like well that's when you bring in a third party and you're like oh exactly i'll fuck her oh that might be a better way to do it and it explains a little it's like kind of a two birds one stone there all right that helps that's something there i had something about uh you ever watch chopped yeah you you like you like that i know i love chopped i've seen a million hours of job i love

that dude aron sanchez oh yeah he's got the gang tattoos on his arm yeah my angle is like every i can't get this to hit right but it's something here like every every gang every chef used to be in a gang for some reason where there's where you're like what what fucking tortured past they're always like uh yeah he's i heard him say cooking saved me from going down a dark path and my angle is like what fucking gang just let you leave to pursue the culinary arts uh you're like is there some gang like there's only one way out of the bloods and they're like what do i have to murder someone they're like no you have to perfect this meringue right here if you crush it if you crunch a french

tart we'll let you walk uh yeah i need a example but there's something to that i think that's a great angle there's something maybe to the the knives like they both have knives gangs and cooks you know it's all about the knife like and maybe when a body is they got to get rid of a body he's like cutting it up you know yeah like uh like they do it like it's a like it's an onion like yeah yeah exactly they're chopping it like ginsu uh they're like oh here's sanchez and he opens up his coat and it's like all these great knives like all the silver knives you know also the uh the mess so good at getting rid of a mess yes yes exactly and they can use everything that's that's the whole thing in chop is like you gotta have a a fucking kumquat salmon you know pepper chinos and whatever like they can make something

out of this body you know like they're like cookie macgyver i like it it's right right endless show it's a solid it's a good time love that show love all that's so funny he's in again that's so true about chefs it's like tattoos and checkered past they're badasses yeah always i think it's a lot of thing too is a lot of times too is uh these restaurants are like some of the last places where they don't do like hardcore criminal record background searches oh that's funny i think that's one it's like weirdly one of the last because you think about it you're like oh dishwashers i think they're like that's probably a job you get if you have a checkered past.

Right. But then you think about it, you're like, all right, well, they're in the kitchen at that point. It's like, you may as well just like who gives a shit at that point. Right. Right. Right. There could also be a bit, and this might be a stretch, but the gang, they lose him.

He goes off to be a chef. I love the idea because my douchebag friends did this in high school, where they would come into the restaurant and fucking piss off the waitress and get shit-faced. I like the idea of a gang being like, Sanchez is working at Bubba Gump. And they all go and terrorize

the place. He gets free drinks. He's a crypt. I'm a crypt. Did you underage drink like crazy? I mean, you must have been an animal in New Orleans. dude it was great we knew every what's that fake id no we didn't need them back then like you could just go to a place and you had the one friend who had armpit hair and like a little cheese stash and he could buy we were 14 he's buying shit at a bodega the five foot three guy with sideburns down to here and you're like that's his fucking that's his talent he can he can go first.

Yeah, exactly. He's like, give me the cigarettes. And they let that slide. And he's like, all right, fuck it. Give me the hooch. This is a hot one, man. We're fucking, we're rolling with this. Oh yeah.

No, I don't want to, I don't want to leave you now. It's like, now I'm going to be back at a hotel room with a flight in the morning. Yeah. Is your girl still there? No, she left today because uh they added a sunday show so she was like oh i didn't know so she just left did you oh did you change your flight yeah i had to change my flight to tomorrow because we had a sunday that's great though it's great i mean people are dying to come out but yeah uh i just hate getting

back to new york on a monday it's like a pet peeve oh the traffic well just i getting back to New York on a Monday. It's like a pet peeve. Oh, the traffic? Well, I like to start the week in my bed. I hate the idea of the week starts. It's a mental thing. I hear you. Something with the traffic on a Monday, too. Yeah, yeah. Okay, fucking kill me.

I know. Sunday, when you wake up Sunday, go to the airport. It's nice. It's like your little day. You're right. There's something about starting the week right you feel like this is job is some stability yeah yeah I even thought about getting like a midnight flight out like on Sunday night and just landing in New York at 3 a.m I love I love a late flight like that because you're like I wake up in bed I don't have that and also you're on it and like what are you that because you're like, I wake up in bed. I don't have that.

And also, what are you going to do? You're just going to watch a show or read something on the flight. It's like that. You're fucking home. It's great. It's like when you're in a shit bum town and your opener's like, should we drive back? We're not going to get home until 4 a.m.

I'm like, drive back. Fuck it. Always. Let's go back. Always. Always. To me, I don't really drive. I mean, I'm worthless, dude. I don't drive. Let's go back. Always. Always. To me, I mean, I don't really drive. I mean, I'm worthless, dude.

I don't drive. I'm talking to Sal. He's who I'm seeing tomorrow. He's like, I'm biking. I'm like, I guess I got to like walk down to like 17th Street. Right. You know, it's like, I'm worthless. I can't ride.

I tried to ride a bike down the highway. I wiped out like three times. I got like cuts all over my arms. Yeah, I'm terrible. Yeah. Oh, man. I could teach you how to drive if you ever want to. I got like cuts all over my arms. Yeah, I'm terrible. Yeah. Oh, man. I could teach you how to drive if you ever want to. I'm a good teacher.

I feel like I can really. Maybe that'll be an episode. Ooh, yeah. I like it. Comics doing daily things. We'll figure that out. Yeah, I would love that. You can drive.

I mean, if you can play basketball, you can drive. I got a license. Oh, you do? But I sweet-talked my way into it. I didn't deserve it. That's the most New Yorker thing ever. I failed, but I sweet talk. I failed too. And I got her and I was self-deprecating out of the gate. And she laughed. I was like, I'm in. I said, I said, I've already failed twice. You can't fail me. I'm going to,

I'm going to look terrible. And she laughed. I was like, all right, I'm in. And I, and I was not good. And she passed me. I didn't deserve it. I love the idea of you running over a kid and they're like, how'd you get a license? You're like, I sweet talked her. That woman's going to go to jail. As a kid who can't walk right. But I can, you know, I could still land a joke. So we should, we should tell people like, you know, what, what do we need for this? We're going to,

we got to get in a network at some point, right? Or do we go independent with this? What are we doing? I think we need a decent logo we're willing to put on iTunes and just have as a logo for our show. And someone to help with that. If someone wants to help with that, hit us up. Yeah, please.

Somebody sent us a great theme song. I already lost it. It was a DM, and it's already been buried. We have a good theme song. Okay, so we're going with that i mean i like would you let me should we play it one more time i like it too but i didn't i never hear it let's let's uh let's go with it let's see one more drink i don't know if i could find it i was actually singing that in the shower today it's catchy it's a catchy tune so you will get here i'll play it hold on ready All right. Sold. It's great. I think it's great. That's my boy, Colin Smith singing there. Wow. He sounds so different. He's the most versatile fucking musician. He's incredible.

Yeah. That's, I think that's a song. I mean's the song i mean all right great i mean speak if you're against it we can give him do something else but i think i think we got to use that but uh i love it i mean if someone out there wants to put that to animation or something oh yeah for a nice intro for this we'll pay so let us know and uh and if you want to help us with libsyn and all that bullshit we're too lazy for that so someone help us with that and uh yeah just what was that libsyn lips well we got to get the the to get on itunes we got to get a a thing you know oh oh like a what do you call it a network or yeah i don't know i'm worthless but i know we got to get on something like that so yeah help us with that and uh thanks for listening and we're gonna keep them coming so you keep uh you keep listening we'll keep banging these out hell yeah buddy always a pleasure great app it's gonna be hard

to top this one next week we will we'll top it yeah i'm i'm half in the bag. I'm going to rub one out to a lobster tube. Oh. Me too. Okay. All right, man. Take it easy. Take it easy. Comedy.