We Might Be Drunk - Ep 40: My Paloma!

Episode Date: September 13, 2021

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We might be drunk, we might be drunk, as long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit, pep heaps, wrecks, and a bit, maybe drunk. We might be drunk, yeah. Hey, hey folks, here we are, we might be drunk. I'm still hurting from that corpse reviver. Holy shit. That thing kicked me in the ass. He said to have, what, one, right?

Yeah. We went back down. We had the, what, three or four? Yeah, yeah. We did a Patreon. We just kept going. And I was laying on my couch at about 7 p.m. going, I can't go out. I had gigs.

I had to go out and get Chipotle to stuff that fucking liquor down. I was not doing well. No, I was cranky. I called the booker. I yelled at him. I did a spot at the cellar in that first couple minutes. You know when those first couple minutes you're like, oh, I'm drunk.

Yeah, I do know those minutes. I'm not like hammered. I'm aware of what I'm saying, but I'm like, I'm a step slow here. Yes. I had a beard even out. I was that guy. It feels like you're swimming with like weights on. Yes.

Yes. I can still swim, but I'm not going to win a race. No, no, no. And even though you look like Michael Phelps, you're fucked. From the face up, which is not a good feeling. You never want that compliment. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you're way hairier, too.

You'd be way slower. Oh, my God. Just that Jewish locks floating behind. Chest hair looks rough in the pool. I remember being around my dad in the pool, and it was like coming out to here. Yeah, no one wants to swim next to George the Animal Steel. That's not a great lap partner. By the way, all those people out there, you get drunk before a show, you have one to loosen up. It's not a great uh lap partner by the way all those people out there you get drunk before

a show you have one to loosen up it's all a myth the booze slows you down like it's like saying oh you're going to the mma fight you get a couple pops in you no you got to be fresh you got to be sharp yeah you know we're better sober obviously i mean there's i there's some comics who do it like stanhope i feel like has always done it yeah he's almost gone over the hump where he's like normal drunk well when you're a full-fledged alcoholic yeah you're probably you don't know how to perform sober exactly whatever you're you so i guess you can pull it off if you become a full-on drunk yeah yeah you gotta but you gotta it takes a couple years of hitting your wife and abandoning your kids and DYs and all that. So you got to really commit to it. Did you see those guys in the heyday?

The Dave Attels, the Geraldos, like drinking back there, like Nick Griffin drank, all these guys. Well, I never, I wasn't around, were you? No, but I remember you used to go to shows at least. Yeah, I remember went to see Attel live in like 2004 and he did like a Jaeger shot on stage. Wow. that's wild

jaeger yeah i saw we've all seen burt i mean burt drinks you know it's crazy yeah it's crazy who else he drinks to get the nerve to drive. That's how he drinks. Yeah. He blows in a breathalyzer and it's like, not drunk enough. This car won't start. Oh, my God. Have you ever been picked up by someone who has one of those? No. I did a gig once.

I forget what club it was. It was in the Midwest. And the guy they sent me to pick me up at the airport airport he had to blow into it to start the car because i guess he got a dui which is like it makes you feel like a real real high up on the comedy list you're like oh this is my ride this is who you chose the guy you flipped his toyota two months ago thanks for sending me tiger woods jesus christ i'd rather caitlin jenner picked me up at the airport for fuck's sake at least you'll hit the the guy on the road not you well yeah that bruce was it caitlin it was caitlin yeah it was once she became a woman that was that was the punch line there you go that was the whole thing but we uh so he's uh picking up we're driving

and he'd have to pull over to blow into it just to make sure he didn't like start once he did that whoa that's how little they trusted him they're like we're gonna give you a pop quiz every once in a while you gotta pull over so how does it work does the car it's just click click click and then he goes and then it starts up i guess yeah and then i remember he got pissed at me because i was like oh this is hilarious i'll do like an instagram story to like to promote the gigs i'm like oh they sent the best ride here he's like please please don't i'm like all right so i won't i've been through enough my wife left me then i realized like oh he's a person i'm an asshole yeah well christopher reeves god rest his soul he had that machine that wheelchair and he would operate it with his breath because he couldn't he was paralyzed so he would like and it would damn so imagine if you played a prank on him you put the breathalyzer thing up to that you're like i'm

sorry chris you had a champagne coulis earlier you're not going anywhere all right what are we drinking tonight what are we doing today we just have uh basically a classic paloma the barjoo with a paloma we got tequila grapefruit juice, soda water, a little lime, and I put a little rosemary in there just for a little bit of aromatics. This is gorgeous! But other than that, very simple, little salt rim as well. You've kicked it up a notch! Look at this! Look at that! But it's also very easy to make at home, you know?

Come on! I heard the Mexicans, when they eat ass, they put a little salt on the rim. That's cocaine, actually., they put a little salt on the rim. That's cocaine, actually. Did they hit a lime? This looks good. That looks delicious. I mean, you're going to get laid tonight, baby.

What is the, is there like a history? It's a Mexican drink, right? The Paloma? Yeah. So a lot of people think that in the 1860s, there was like some huge hit song called paloma and they think it was named after that um my paloma yeah and uh but it just started out in like a huge hotel in uh mexico in cancun i think but i'm not sure you can't quote me on that all right good it's one of the most popular uh tequila drinks like in the world actually besides the margarita. Margarita's number one. This is Garfunkel. Yeah.

I'll forget it right after it's over. It's good. It tastes almost like, just like, kind of, not too sweet, which I like. I know. It's like a grapefruity refreshing summer drink. The traditional one actually uses grapefruit soda.

But I just made it with soda, red grapefruit juice and soda water just so people at home can make it. Because grapefruit soda is kind of a bitch to find. Oh, really? Haritos or something, do they do it? I don't know if Haritos does it, but you can probably find a flavor like that. Oh, some people in the South use squirt. Oh, wow. Damn.

My ex. David Tell joke. My ex was a squirter. Tried to have a romantic dinner with candlelight. She blew him out. But that is so good. It almost sounds like if you're a drunk cop, you're like, woo, Paloma. All right, I got to get out of here.

Tip your waiter. This is good, man. Grapefruit is underrated. Underrated, especially in a drink. It gets a bad rap. I feel like grapefruit is hip to shit on. I've seen comics get a punchline with that. Grapefruit sucks.

And you're just like, it's fucking good. I hate to say it, but one of our favorite comedians. But that's a good bit. That's a great bit. He tackles grapefruit with a chunk of grape lines. This is why Gary Goldman's's great because he does it for like seven minutes yes it's not like but i've seen comics do it like a cop out where they're like oh like the grapefruit and you're like you gotta have more than just that yeah but but goldman has a

great take of like when you have a tumor it's the size of a grapefruit that's what you compare it to as a tumor it's so perfect and it he said it ruins whole. He's got this is one of the great lines in comedy. It ruins the whole fruit salad when there's a grapefruit. He's like, it takes down everyone like a 10th grade pothead. Oh, wow. Man, he's a great writer. That go. He's a great comic.

This is a problem because this is sneaky. I could drink 12 of these. Yeah, this is good man man the mexicans do it right they really mexican food is probably like the easiest food yeah because i feel like everyone unless you have some dairy thing but other than that everyone is on board with mexican it's got to be the most popular cuisine in america don't you think probably like ethnic cuisine yeah don't you think yeah oh yeah for. San Diego. That's all they talk about. San Antonio.

That's all they talk about. LA. Holy shit. They're like, we have Mexican food. We have it everywhere. But ours is better. Look,

it's, it is better. LA. I, it pains me to give anything to LA, but we got to play it fair. They've got better Mexican food. You have a burrito in San Diego.

It, as the kids say it hits different you know it's got like some weird green sauce in there and they put the lime and the radish it's fucking great the radish is underrated you ever throw a little butter on a radish what dude that's that's a fucking good move butter on a radish i'm telling you the french man wait a minute you just take a full radish you slice it you put a little butter on a radish. I'm telling you, the French, man. Wait a minute. You just take a full radish. You slice it. You put a little butter on it. I've never heard of such a thing.

Matt, can you look that up to tell me am I crazy? I saw Bourdain do that. I've been doing that ever since. That's a hot move, man, the radish with butter. You know Bourdain ate ass. I mean, imagine if he didn't eat a woman's ass. She'd be like, are you kidding me? I watched you eat like a snake's heart.

Yeah, but you go, the snake's heart yeah but you go the snake's heart tasted good yeah wow radish and sweet butter i'm telling you it's pretty good kosher i didn't know this was some kind of uh hebrew thing i'm not trying to sneak this one and this is for every i think there's a french thing radish is with butter and salt there you go it's pretty good it sounds like a light nice light lunch it's nice yeah nice little snack mexicans also great beer by the way i love a modelo i love a dosekis negro modelo do you go especial especial i go negro oh easy I said negro. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I go Especial.

I like it a little lighter, and then the soul is great. I mean, even a Tecate is solid. Tecate is a good cheap beer. Yeah. That's like the Mexican PBR. Exactly. And it's way better. It's way better.

PBR sucks. It sucks. I see people. I saw someone with one of my shows drinking drinking a pbr and i said what do you really want it's on me that's a great move the on me is big you can afford it that's nice the pbr is like i mean even milwaukee's best beats the shit out of pbr i agree i agree and i would drink 22 ounces of those fuckers one after one in brooklyn just because it was so cheap i would drink i used to drink so many 40s, Old English, Cold 45. They were just cheap, and it was kind of fun to have a 40

because it's going to sound really pathetic, but it felt satisfying to finish one. It did, yeah. That last sip, you're like, I did it. It's the worst kind of accomplishment. It's true, but it was so thick, that malt liquor, and it got you real fucked up did you ever do edward 40 hands oh you have to strap them both your hands i never did that but

i mean we got fucked up i've seen people do that we did it i i'm the only thing i'm good at is i have a big bladder because of bed wetting and my dad made me not pissed all day because he's a cunt but uh i i could i could drink two of them and not pee and my friends like this is unbelievable it was the best moment of my life that is pretty impressive i pee non-stop i'm like a fucking 80 i don't know how it's gonna get worse oh my god you got a bladder of a grapefruit it's horrible man i wake up literally every two hours, I feel like. What? Yeah, I wake up a lot. Oh, no. I'm also just, I'm just an irritable human being.

I'll be like, my neck will hurt. I'll piss. I'll just wake up early. I'll just, like, my girlfriend will just wake up, and she'll be like, you're just awake? I'm like, yeah. Yeah, I have that, too, but just because of mental shit. But the two-hour urine, I mean, you're ruining your whole sleep cycle. It's killing me.

Damn, I feel bad. I hate to say to say but you could stretch it yeah yeah i mean just hold it in just hold it in it's uncomfortable but like start holding it then you go all right i made it for 20 minutes i'll go pee now next day i made it for 30 and then before you know it you you're gonna be good damn it's crazy that you can work shit like that out. It's crazy you can stretch everything. Yeah, I mean, it's literal stretching. If we did this every day, we could do a split. But it's just a pain in the ass. I don't know about that. You think we could do a split?

Well, I mean, you see guys doing it. I don't think they're us. Probably not. Those are like gymnast type dudes. Yeah, but everybody starts somewhere. I don't know. How flexible? Are you flexible?

No, I'm stiff as a boar. My girlfriend will sometimes fuck with me and try to put my legs over my head. Like as a joke, and I'm like, it hurts. She's like, that's crazy. If I was as unflexible as you, we couldn't bang. Do you ever... You know, she likes to leg up, throw it around. She's like Gumby or and uh or stretch armstrong

for the younger kids who's the new bendy guy i don't even know anymore is there a new bendy guy stretch armstrong was the shit dude that toy was awesome for about uh 20 minutes that's the toys we played with we're like look it's arm stretch like how fucking how fucking primitive was shit before video games that's a good i mean they were video games but like not really not great yeah stretch armstrong was huge and my friend cut him open and ate the shit inside i think he had to go to the hospital and that's stretch armstrong he's been pulled out like that he looks like he's in like a fucking uh dominatrix uh video yeah it's a torture thing torture porn that was a torture device the stretch thing

that's true that's crazy that some guy made those like the the coffin with the spikes in it or the stretchy apart thing some guy had to design those look at that that was a part of history yeah someone's making that that's a pretty bad dude right there now we do this on twitter you know it's all we're all the same like we act like these are horrible people, but we all, we have all those genes and you know, the same wiring. Twitter is just, is I'm looking less and less. It's just madness. Good for you.

It's, it's evil. Are you on there a lot? I try to write a joke a day and have a little exercise. And then people are like, why aren't you, why are you silent about this? And I'm like, well, we can do that all day. Like, why aren't you talking about elderly abuse? know like do you hate the old what are we the governor i mean i know the hell yeah what that was silent oh my god i've noticed you haven't spoken up about the the whatever protest i'm like i don't even know about it yeah what about the taliban

should we where's your thing about that you know i know you want to scroll through their shit well that's the new thing now i i have a bit now about this is hitting about how like you know everyone's like you know I saw a guy in a shirt that said fuck racism and I'm like problem solved you did it like that's what they think they're doing in their head so I have a whole thing where I'm gonna roll uh I'm gonna start rolling into parties in a shirt that just says against baby rape nah and they're just like why are you wearing that I'll be like are you for baby rape you know you just spin it on them it really is so dumb the shit that because that's what twitter is it's like these people who are like trying to expose you it's like you have fucking chinks in your armor too right easy they're gonna come after me for that one right

there like look what you said of course they got the chinks and uh we all got the armor but it's it's so true it's like it's always the opposite like i feel like things are better now than they've ever been well maybe not with the new abortion law no that ain't good that ain't good you know it's bad when you have to drive to oklahoma to take care of business let's go to the progressive part of this area tweet it oh really that's good but i'm sure that's been said and you're talking about the abortion king i got a punch card here i'm one more and i get a freebie yeah yeah i got a free sub but uh no i just i'm just saying we we're more progressive than we've ever been gay marriage is like a joke like oh if you're against that you're weird now whereas you

know obama clinton hillary we're all like, oh, gay marriage is crazy. It all changes, obviously. We had split water fountains, blah, blah, blah. But I feel like people are doubling down more on being angry about stuff. And yet they seemed less angry before. And I think it's always kind of the opposite. You know when a supermodel is in the mirror like, I'm so fat. I'm so fat.

You're like, you're not fat. But the fat in the mirror like i'm so fat i'm so fat you're like you're not fat but the fat lady's going i'm beautiful i'm beautiful you're like no no you're fat she's not fat but you think you're fat and you think you're beautiful and it's kind of the same with the racial stuff it's like we're fucking they're killing us in the streets and you're like no they used to do that now if they do that they'll get arrested yeah no no no i know what you're saying man i mean i'm going i'm going extremes no you're making an interesting point i think because we twitter is interesting because so much of news is broken on twitter now yeah like we will find out a celebrity died on twitter we will find out you know and i found out i found the abortion thing on twitter so did i i mean so it's you

find this stuff out i woke up looked at twitter was like oh shit you know so i get that outrage is currency but also like you got you got to be outraged at stuff like that well sure yeah that's a that's a new one that's a big one that's that one is anything moving back i mean that's the opposite of progress that's going back right you Right. You know? Agreed. Agreed. Yeah. And you think, I think that it's a Texas dick swinging move. Like a lot of shit is going this way. Well, fuck you. We're going to go backwards.

You know, it's almost like we're going to compensate for your. Well, look at the governor, you know? I mean. Yeah. Wheelchair. He should have been aboard. Well, they. Sorry. This is not a this is not a political podcast.

If you haven't noticed. Yeah. He got covid, by the way. I know. And he had the booster, apparently. Imagine like telling people not to wear masks while you go get a booster like a fucking pussy. Like you're you're in your little safe space and there and you're letting people die. Yeah, yeah. And Booster just sounds so pussy. I need the booster. It sounds like a booster seat. Or he's a shitty character in Jingle All the Way. I've never seen it. You've never seen Jingle All the Way?

No, no. That's the best bad Christmas movie ever. Is that Sinbad? And Schwarzenegger. Wow, what a combo. And Phil Hartman. What? And Rita Wilson. Good good cast she's fun it's that's booster the pink guy from you know who plays him curtis armstrong from revenge of

the nerds booger oh i love that guy i love that guy he's good he's great but uh jewish and oh dude it's classic it's just a bad it's a good It's just a bad, it's a good, bad movie. All right, all right. I love a Christmas movie. It's fun, man. Yeah. It's not good, but dude, Phil Hartman. Yeah, yeah.

Is that guy ever not great? I grew up on Sinbad. I love Sinbad. Sinbad's incredible. Yeah, Schwarzenegger is a great, just great presence on stage. He's so Hollywood. He's such a leading man. I'm in.

Damn, dude. Yeah, it's a pretty bad movie but i enjoy it now what range we have i say it every week we went from killing uh to to sin bad hell yeah it's uh it's weird man you know that uh just as tough in texas man i definitely it is a weird time that is i feel like a lot of female comedians who moved to texas are like well i'm heading back heading back to la i'm not gonna raise an open micers baby fuck this shit yeah that that seems like a nightmare that is bad yeah damn yeah but hey you know right now the's like, hey, that was a good move there, Texas. Good on you. Now you're getting the idea. We're still not that bad. I'm using the Taliban as our barometer.

That's a tough bar. We're not as bad as the tally. No, no, no, we're not. We're not. We still have females driving and having opinions yeah yeah that's uh they killed a comedian too many some would say if you look at twitter that's true uh no uh who killed a comedian oh yeah the taliban killed a comedian tortured him too i saw that awful awful jesus from tiktok videos yeah unbelievable horrible that shit hits close to home yeah was he shitting on the country kind of stuff i don't i don't know what his jokes were i don't know the type of comedy he was but just seeing that you're like well that's uh that ain't good that ain't good i mean half of people's acts

in america shitting on biden shitting on trump yeah that was that's like a big part of our our the american way i don't know what what the Afghan comedy scene is like. I cannot imagine it's booming. No, no. We have trans comics here for Christ's sake. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Wow. Comic beat. Hey. Oh, no, that was a joke. Oh, okay.

Okay. It was. Yeah, this is terrible. Damn. Woo. We. Yeah. Shit.. Yeah, this is terrible. Damn. Woo-wee. Yeah, shit. I mean, I will say that, man.

America has got its problems. That's horrible with Texas, but we do have a lot to be grateful for. Sure. I mean, there is a reason the Afghanis are coming here. They're fleeing to here. Right. That says something. And then they'll come and be like

never mind no you know who's got the best abortion joke is you remember that louis ck bit where he's like uh yeah he's like yeah i think abortion is murdering a baby but i think a woman should be allowed to murder her baby he goes you're allowed to murder someone if they break into your house that's great that's a brilliant abortion joke. And it's so, he's just saying facts. Yeah. And it's comedy gold. Yeah. That's genius. Cause you're like, oh shit.

Those are the best jokes where it's almost like, you ever see like Magic Johnson make a pass and he doesn't pass to the player, he like passes to the area and the player goes to the ball. Those are like the best jokes where we have to like go to the thing. We're like, there we go. That's a great analogy. That's so i love i

love jokes like that man i do too yeah there's there's so many of those out there that they're just sitting there and yet they're the hardest to see like yeah like norm mcdonald's joke about he's like people are scared of korea korea he's like my dad died of a heart attack that's inside you he's like i'm scared of my heart you know like it kills you from the inside i'm not worried about korea i'm worried about this guy oh that's it's like in you i mean it's such a great point that's fears you have when you get older and like also like man i had like i thought i was having an allergic reaction in a hotel room a couple weeks ago and that feeling while your neck was just really bad allergies i sound so fucking jewish right now oh my god i'm like a stereotype

but i almost died from allergies guys but i know but i was like closing up to the point where i was like oh this sucks and uh i was like man you just think about maybe dying in a hotel room and you're like that's rough oh especially if it's not a great hotel yeah you're like fucking died in the lakinta stinks what what gig was it? Where were you? I was in Portland. Ah, Portland.

Yeah, damn. Yeah, like Geraldo died in Jersey. I know. I think in a Hilton. But yeah. Oh, I know. One of the best ever. Yeah, it's a good hotel.

One of the... No, no. Yeah, Geraldo. One of the best. He really was one of the best. And yeah, fuck. I know. I wonder where Mitch Hedberg died.

Give that a goog. Because he was a heroin addict. Apparently he was shooting up the leg. He said when you lifted the leg up, it was just purple. Like Civil War gangrene type shit. Exactly. Awful. Was he also New Jersey?

Damn. Oh, jeez, I'm there this weekend. Fuck. You'll die too. Yeah. I'll just die on stage. Hotel room in Westminster Hotel. Jon Panette died in a hotel room too.

A lot of comedians die in hotel rooms. Man, I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but I did a gig. I'm not going to say where. And I had the crazy eccentric limo driver. He's like, oh, he's got his tie loose. He's got wacky hair. He's driving with a foot on the dash. He's got his own loose. He's got wacky hair. He's like, he's driving with a foot on the dash.

He's got his own car. It's got the fuzzy dice. It's all decked out. He's like, I've been picking up comics since 1979. I've had everybody Steve Martin, Pryor, you name it. And he said he had Panette. And he's like, Panette was wild. He's like, everybody talks about Kinison and Dice and Pryor.

I mean, Panette, he was like, make you get off the airport go right to a liquor store two two uh fifths of tequila then he had his own shit he get hookers all it was like holy shit panette he was like this cute fat guy my mom liked him every mom panette he was huge in the midwest he was a great guy i mean killer comic such a nice guy john panette if you haven't looked him up for the folks at home. And yeah, Beast, for sure. Beast!

Damn. Yeah, I had no idea. He was like a booze bag and a party animal. It's hard to do what we do and not drink. It is hard to come down after a set and not come to it. It's such an abrupt change of pace. It really is. Because you do feel like incredible up there.

You feel so good. Yeah. And then you come off and you're like, oh yeah, that's it? I know, just over, just boom. So like sex, it's over, you know it's over. You come. Right. You're glad it's over.

You're not glad the set's over. That's true, yeah. Unless it's horrible. Yeah, yeah. And then you go back and here's the here's the irony and or the catch 22 or whatever it is you go back to the green room and you're in there it's quiet you maybe got the opener maybe the host the waitress comes in you need anything and it's completely somber and weird you were just riffing raff applause, hooting and hollering, getting heckled, handling lights in your face to thank you. Green room, quiet. There's your fish sticks with the cigarette butt in it,

the napkin wrapped up. There's your beer. And you're like, all right. That's it. But you don't want anything else, really. If an audience member comes in, you're like, ah! It's the weird thing of it's weirdly quiet, but you also don't want to do stuff. Well, you get in those laughs and you kind of mistake that laughter as a, as a kind of love, at least in that moment. Yes. And then you go to nothing. So it's almost like you've been consuming, it's like a sugar high and coming down.

Yeah. Because you're getting like fake love in a way. Right. They're enjoying you so much, that killing laugh. You're like, oh, I feel like they love me right now. And then you get off and you're just like, oh, that's not real love. I know. It's temporary.

Yeah. So then you kind of come to, it's like a sugar crash. That's a great way to put it. It's a sugar crash. But you could do the meet and greet and get more love. But the meet and greet is hard oh my god it's exhausting i hate to say it because there's people out there going oh he's coming to tampa i'm gonna say hello and it'll be great but you're like they don't know the mental fuck we're going through of like it's another show it's another show this on stage is easier because you just kind of like find, I used to be so nervous on stage

and now it's kind of like, yeah, I kind of know what I'm going to say. And like, if something misses and I'll work on it. It's not like, the jokes don't have the same stakes that they used to have, you know? Why, what do you mean? I mean,

I think I used to just react to bombing. Oh, yeah. I still hate bombing, but I think now when a joke misses, I'm like, all right, I'll either fix it or I'll drop it. Your first hour of jokes you work so hard on. I mean, you work for years on them. And then you get to a place where you're like, you're just not as attached to the jokes.

Right. That's why I think the bombs when you're younger just hurt more because you're like, well, I know that I worked so long on that. Now when you bomb now, you're like, all right, well, maybe that joke wasn't that good yet. Yeah, it's a good point. Yeah, you're like well i know that i worked so long on that now when you bomb now you're like all right well maybe that joke wasn't that good yet yeah it's a good point yeah you're right i i think we're more realistic yeah we're less attached less emotional it's kind of like your first girlfriend yeah she she dumps you and you're like oh my god i'm gonna never i'm gay now i'll never go back and then you start banging a couple ladies and then some gal dumps you like all right i'll meet somebody else yeah it's kind of like that with comedy but maybe we do need a little to go back to that that young young love maybe we need a little stretch armstrong uh you know torture

torture yeah get spanked a little bit cry yeah exactly i don't know man yeah it's tough it's tough but you know still love it still out there still grinding we just want to create good shit that's really what it all comes down to and I think like I always hear Bill Burr he's kind of like my go to to listen to

and he always says sometimes I'll think I did a hot show at some theater they loved me and then my opener is going to an open mic. He's like, Oh, why would I do that? And then he's like, I'll go because I don't want to go. And it'll shake me up. Like, man, these people were just blowing me at the theater. These guys don't really care. And I gotta, I gotta wake them up and I gotta figure it out. And it kicks that thing inside you. Any gig you're scared to do might be good for you.

And that goes for everything in life. Yeah. The harder thing to do is, is gig you're scared to do might be good for you and that goes for everything in life yeah the harder thing to do is is sometimes you're like oh this is necessary it's easier it is easier to kill in a sold-out crowd of people that came to see you but when you're doing those little shitty gigs yeah and you're going up with comics that are hungry as hell and they're not there for you yep you're kind of on a level playing field it's kind of yeah good for you that's one thing cool about the comedy store in la and well we're getting deep into comedy but like he would have to follow dalia or guys like that at the height of their whatever and like these are high energy cool young sexy guys or gals and eliza schlesinger and joey diaz like all these so like sure you're joe blow the cool guy comic big guy big name legend but it's still like this is a young crowd that was a young comic

they don't give a shit about my old ass and my kids and my wife they want to hear fucking party jokes or fun jokes and you gotta make it work yeah levels it it kind of hey we're back to i ain't you know john john johnson the legend here i'm following this guy who's famous and and hot right now john johnson dude that guy used to he used to do a lot of blow and strippers you ever hear stories about that guy yeah i couldn't think of a cooler name no dude you know i i do get tired sometimes. I feel burnt out, like just trying to like take care of myself now or, you know, we do the road every week, so you come back. I used to do so many club spots in the city.

Like I've realized those nights of me doing four New York spots a night are kind of over. Yeah, yeah. Like I'll do a couple in a night, but I'm not going to Brooklyn to do a show that pays nothing nothing that might suck yeah no i get that because i'm like i'm on the road i'm too tired i'm just like i'm all the flights i mean fucking all the delays and then you do you know five or six hours of shows in a weekend

and then you're gonna come back for like a 10 minutes that's just it doesn't make sense now you gotta take care of yourself so you're good for those shows that's true you're right no you're right and what are you gonna get out of that show anyway I'll still do those shows sometimes but like I don't prioritize them we were so conditioned to say yes to everything because we were abused for so long that

we get to a place where we say yes to shit when we're like wait did I just say yes to this shit I know I had that last night what was it I did a show you ever heard of breezy point it's a neighborhood in queens give this a look up there sloppy breezy point it's a it's a neighborhood i feel like i'm giving it away but it's on the map it's a neighborhood in queens i kept calling it long island i'm sure they hated me i did a bar it. It's on the beach. Look at that. Look at that. What are you thinking doing this this far out?

Well, I said yes to it six months ago. Look at that. I did that last night. How long did it take to get there? It only took about an hour and a half to get there by car. But we just cut straight through Brooklyn. Did they pay you well? It paid well. But it is a fucking like rootin' toototin bar show at a beach house on the beach.

Wow. Like crazy, fun beach party vibes. And this place is crazy. It's like kind of walled off. And it's it's like Irish, Italian firemen. Cool, cool people. But just like we keep this name. It was like the, Italian firemen. Cool, cool people, but just like, we keep this name. It was like the 50s over there.

There's like a little ice cream shop and not a scratch of trash, no fucking graffiti. I was like, I can't believe I'm Queens, you know, because Queens, you think of like Astoria and some. No, it felt like the beginning of like a forensic files. Like a small beach town turned upside down. Exactly, exactly. Those are the best.

But I didn't even know this place existed, and it was wild. Is it pretty? It looks pretty. It's beautiful, but it feels like you're in Destin, Florida or Malibu or something. It's so clean. Look at that. That looks beautiful. Yeah, it's crazy.

So it was just a fun show, but it was rowdy, and I was scared out of my mind. You know what this looks like, that little runway on the beach right there? It looks like the episode where Jerry promises he won't say hello to that woman. Yes, exactly. And then he just starts running. Yeah, that might have been shot there. No, that was probably in LA. But it's just a beautiful town.

You feel like you're in Florida or something. It's so beachy. And the crowd was good? Crowd was great, but they were rowdy, and they would yell at you, and they would heckle. They were in flip-flops and shorts, and they're all tan and holding a coconut drink going like, talk about the Taliban or whatever.

Taliban. No one wants jokes with that. I opened by going, I just got back from Kabul, so this is a good gig. They're like, ah! Then I did it as a seller later. And they were like, Jesus Christ. But it was fun because it was like, it felt like I was on the road for one night and came back.

Those are fun. Those are fun. Did you bring someone with you? Well, they brought me. Like, the people drove me out there. And they all opened. And they knew everybody. They're like, this guy looks like he went to Sacred Heart.

Am I right? They're like, oh, shit. They knew all the local references for the the catholic high schools and everything so i had to follow like some local acts which was tough but uh they were great big t the whole gang and uh you know the guy the guy's mom is there and everything it was like real local shit uh but i was scared to go on i was like shit this is this is nerve wracking here it's good to feel nervous like it is it is and then you come up with stuff on the fly because your brain is in this fight or flight like i'm about to get my ass kicked by these you know beachcombers but they were great they were great they were nice and they hate the city like fuck the city we live in the city technically but fuck going in there

it's it's dirty it's dangerous they've kind of built this their own little little little paradise out there yeah i don't know man i'm i'm pro city but i it new york's getting hard to defend it is it's so expensive still there's it's just madness i the the lack of taxi cabs in the city right now is new york is such a taxi cab city it's it bums me out i'm watching old movies and they just like get a cab like that and you're like that's the pace of new york yeah not to be like oh coming in seven minutes that's not new york that's a great point yeah that's so true it's uh it's a new york minute yeah now it's an uber minute yeah which is about minutes, if we're being honest. Dude, Uber.

I tried getting an Uber on the road. The Midwest. Oh. It's like coming in like 23 minutes and you're like, are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. I schedule them. You schedule them? Yeah.

That was one of my wrecks. Like if I'm going to bed at 4 a.m. and I need to pick up at 9 a.m., I schedule that thing for 8 to 10. I got to do that. I forgot about that. We drink on this podcast, so I forget a lot. Tell me about to pick up at 9 a.m i schedule that thing for i gotta do that i forgot about that we drink on this podcast so i forget a lot tell me about it it's paloma it's pretty good hitting the spot dude i will yeah i i was waiting for like 23 minutes or something for an uber it's fucking crazy it's crazy i know i can make a woman come in less than the time an uber

then maybe you guys gotta step it up yeah i'll tell you i'm getting i've been with my gal so long i'm getting really good at like the clit stuff are you it's amazing are you good in general do you think you're just good on her her yeah i was saying it's gonna it's amazing how horrible i i learned i was it's like therapy where you had to go okay i'm bad i need to fix this i have an ego too so it took me a minute when i yeah when i was like you're not doing it right a bit i think i know what i'm doing i know where the clit is i'm like on her shoulder yeah but uh that clit is a goddamn enigma yeah because it's so small it's so small that like uh it's so hard to feel but then you can't feel too much because it's

sensitive so then you're she's like ah that hurts and you're like god damn it i know go easy on us ladies with the clit the clit hate because we're we're trying well it's tough because sometimes they're like harder harder than like i'm like ah you're like i'm sorry shit exactly you got to deal with one giant clit with a hole in it and stuff comes out of it when it's over. And it's very simple. The penis is much easier to work. Oh, yeah. So bear with us.

And then they like the fingering when you hit the top part. So you're like, okay, you got to tell me that. How do I know that? We don't know what you're feeling. So you got to be vocal. Yeah. A little guidance. Why not?

Yeah. I know it's not hot to be like here, here, here. So you gotta be vocal. Yeah. A little guidance. Why not? Yeah. A little guidance. I know it's not hot to be like here, here, here. I understand giving directions while you're doing it might take you out of the mood, but a little. Just give us a little. And you can say it hot like softer or harder, harder, or whatever. You don't make it hot.

I think they feel weird sometimes to just say what they need. I agree. I can't say what I need either on a, on like a emotional level. Oh really? Oh, I'd tell you exactly what I need. I feel like I'm like in the ass harder.

Yeah. I don't know how you do it, but, uh, yeah, I don't know how she gets the cucumber out, but tongs, tongs.

Yeah. But the thing is you can't have it both ways ladies if you're not gonna guide we're not gonna get you there probably so you just willing oh my god to get you there it's not gonna happen geez what it's like breezy point i need a little help yeah exactly a little help yes, throw me a bone here. We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by MyBookie. Football's back, baby. Oh, my Giants, man. I can't wait. You're a Saints guy.

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Bet anything, anytime, anywhere with my bookie. Sheath underwear, folks. Wearing it right now. Look at that. I'm wearing it too. Look at that. Hey, there you go. We gave ourselves a Melvin.

That's what they call it in the front. A Melvin. I haven't said that word in 20 years. A fucking nerd name. It's a great, never name your kid Melvin. No, bad name, bad name. That's a rough one. That kid's getting fucked with.

If that kid doesn't get the shit kicked out of him then he has just become such he's surpassed expectations oh yeah keeps your balls off your leg there's two pouches one for your dong one for your sack keep the ammo separate from the gun it's super supportive they look good they feel good they're like stretchy and silky at the same time the lady likes them she's like you look great in that look at these these are camo like weird camo dude i have those at home too i would never buy these but when i put them on i feel cool as hell your dick was in the gulf war i love it yeah i got a sandy hook or no wait sandy dick shit sandy hook

what the fuck mark this is a plug, man. Sorry. This guy was in the Iraq War, by the way. This guy's a badass. Oh, yeah. He's a veteran. Support a veteran. This guy's a great dude. He's a great dude. Yeah.

He's a veteran. He loves comics, which is why he's on this podcast. Go to sheathunderwear.com and order with promo code DRUNK to get 20% off your first order. And Sheath Underwear is 100% back, money back guarantee. That's sheathunderwear.com, promo code DRUNK. Get Sheath Underwear and let them support your balls. The salt rim is fucking nice.

It's very nice. The salt rim is always pleasant. That's what's good about the Barjoo. I watched him in here tearing open salt packets. I was like, what are you doing? He's like, I couldn't find any salt. I'm like, man, So what's good about the bar Jew, I watched him in here tearing open salt packets. I was like, what are you doing? He's like, I couldn't find any salt. I'm like, man, this guy's good. Damn, that's like some man versus wild shit in the bar.

I love it. You know, I'll tell you, I love a good little chili salt rim too. You ever have a chili salt rim? Ooh. A little spicy rim? I think I have had that. It's the redder.

It's like a reddish kind of spicy. A little spicy butthole, buddy. I love it. Yeah, you ever gone downtown and felt a tingle? I've never really found a woman who's into it. No, no, I'm saying have you ever licked the thing where you're like... Oh, that wasn't that? Yeah, that tasted a little off.

I'm not sure. I don't think so. Ooh, you're a lucky man. Yeah, you're not into that, huh? Well, no, I'm just saying I've licked a butt before, and I'm like, why is my tongue burning? Why is my tongue hurt? That's all I'm saying. And why do I have a fever of 103?

What's going on? Yeah. Why do I need to chug milk right now? Am I on Hot Ones? What's going on here? Yeah. So I'm just saying. That's the next step in Hot Ones.

Instead of wings. Shaq is going to eat ass. That's the next hot one. That's where it's going to go. I mean, what else? We have to keep upping it, you know? Yeah. Shaq is going to eat ass.

That's hilarious. It's just a woman bending over and an interview happening. He's like, all right. Shaq's like, oh, fuck. He's like, yeah, that's a tough one. That's a bad. That's a spicy ass dominican ass yeah they like describe it it's got a hint of uh chocolate and chili yeah

hot ones oh what a great idea for a show i know that guy's killing it it's like really the simplest idea it's like oh yeah you, apparently he gives great interview questions. I haven't seen it. He does, he's good. I hear it's great, but then I just look at him like, that's perfect. Simple is good. It really is, but it's simple and original,

which is hard to do. Most simple things have been done, but he found something. Wings. Wings, and you get vulnerable. You get these big actors vulnerable, like DJ Khaledhaled who sucks and he's talentless but he's like oh shit i'm hurting here and you're like well i've never seen you

he won't do this no he won't do the spinoff show that we've created no no he's he's a bummer yeah another one of you you stink we'll get you out of here let's get another celebrity but yeah yeah just like seeing those kind of people, men and women, these giant celebrity millionaires, like, oh, fuck. I'm hurting here. It's fun. With the questions, you get the best of both. Yeah.

It's a great idea. He must regret it the way we kind of feel it every once in a while on this show. Where he's like, fuck, eating wings at a certain point. Yeah, that's true. I bet there were days where you're like, fuck, I do not feel like eating spicy wings today. I never thought about that. That's a great point. Because we're feeling it some days.

There's some days when we drink on the road and I'm just like, oh, fuck. All right, we got to drink for this podcast. I know. I know. It's tough but also we are destroying our brains that's true which is like the only thing we need you're welcome you're welcome yeah he's destroying maybe a taste bud or you know having a burning sensation maybe some shitting burning butt for sure i mean i get i mean i have a burning butt from this

stuff oh my god i make here's my i I want it all. That's my problem. Like, do you know what I did yesterday? We pre-recorded. We're doing two because I'm out of town. Mark's out of town. But like we, so we did the episode yesterday.

We had a bunch of those drinks. I had a ton of coffee that day to just make it through the day. I had spicy Thai for dinner. Wash it down with some candy. What kind of candy? Gummy bears. Ah, you're a child and and i had a like a peanut butter cup too oh yeah we were watching watching tv and holy shit and then i had the nerve to be sitting in the toilet this morning like why as if i didn't know don't forget that donut oh my god we had donuts too oh god man

bacon don't oh i deserve it yeah yeah i deserve to be in pain every now and then throw in a nectarine or something just keep them in the house throw them on top of the fridge just just just to surprise my body yeah just like thank god your body gets a glass of water to banana it's like thank you it's funny you see porn of a guy getting like whipped and tortured you're like who would put their body through this and i'm like oh yeah i do what i do is worse probably yeah you do it on the inside yeah that's funny i'm a fucking idiot but candy and spicy thai is amazing at least there's some vegetables in there probably i love thai food is like if we're going like take out of new york i don't think i don't think you'd top Thai, man. Number one.

That's probably my go-to. Same here. I come back from the road. I go, hey, lady, we're going out to dinner. What do you want? She goes, how about Thai? I say, yeah, I can get Thai every time. Love Thai.

What's your Thai order? I go, well, see, I go to this one place called Galanga. Shout out. But they got a thing called Little Garden. Is that a normal thing? Little Garden. That's what they call it on the menu. But it's just basically- Like Happy Little Garden. Is that a normal thing? Little Garden. That's what they call it on the menu. But it's just basically...

Like Happy Ending? Is that normal? What is Little Garden? It's Galanga. It's just vegetables. You get your chicken, your beef, or your pork, you pick, or shrimp. And I get the chicken.

What's in it there? Uh-oh, you might have gone down a wormhole here, sister. But either way. Was it noodles? Or what is it? It's rice. So they give you the side of rice. They always put it in a cone shape, which I appreciate.

Love a cone. Love a cone. It goes a long way. And you just dump it right on the veggies and the sauce. And I mix it in. And it's delightful. What's in that? Give me the description there. I mix it in, and it's delightful. What's in that? Give me the description there.

I can't read that. It's too small. Oh. Wok stirred broccoli, cauliflower, carrot, string bean, bok choy, baby corn, and a light soya sauce with jasmine rice. See, I don't even know what any of that is. Bok choy is cabbage. You know what that is.

Okay, but I don't know what soya is, but- It's soy sauce, I think. It's probably a typo. Is that a... No, they don't have typos in Thai? Yeah. Oh, it is. It is soya sauce.

All right. Fermented soybeans. Soya beans. All right, so it's basically like rice with some veggies and a meat. What do you do? I go noodles, man. I get those drunken noodles, man. Oh, I love drunken noodles.

That's my go-to. That's a great order. I just feel guilty about that, because that's a lot of noodle. You're inhaling a big amount of pasta. Am I? Yeah, but I mean, hey, I'm with you. I do it too.

That's my favorite. I do drunken noodles and- Pad Thai is hack. It's still good though. It's good. it's hack for a reason it's a nice little order that's a great one that's my number two patch you i go drunken noodles pads to you and then pad thai for noodles yeah yeah i'll fuck with some curry oh yeah i always saw anthony bourdain at these asian weird truck stops with like eight guys and they're at like a picnic table. And he always had this amazing looking Thai food or Chinese food, whatever the fuck it was.

And he had a beer with him. And I was like, man, that looks good. He just made food look so good. Yeah, dude. That whole intro, he's in the sunglasses the whole time. He's a cool dude. I know. And he never faked it.

He never like he never did all got all hosty. Yeah, we are, folks. It's good to be here in Thailand. He was just like, I'm hungover. We're in Thailand. We're going to get a haircut and a massage and then go eat. And you're like, this guy's living. The best.

Apparently not. But it didn't end well, I'm saying. Yeah, no, it's just tough when a guy like that does it. Because he's the coolest. He had the best life. But then everyone's leading the best life, and you're like, that was a tough life. You're on the road all the time.

You don't get to see your kid. For sure. You have to turn it on. Like, you're on. That's a lot of shooting. Like, you watch how many episodes he does per season. You're like, that's a lot of travel and shooting. Oh, really?

I mean, think about it. Those are hour-long episodes, dude. Wow, that's true. Those are hour-long episodes, dude. Wow, that's true. Those are long shoot days you got to be on because think about how much they probably don't even use. Yeah. Why doesn't that girlfriend of his get more flack? Which one?

I mean, I feel like she's a big reason he pulled the trigger. Well, we don't know that. That's not fair to put on her. I mean, but she doesn't seem like a great person either. I mean, she had a 14-year-old on the side. year old on the side she was cheating 14 yeah he wasn't 14 look he was a younger guy was he really 14 he was i think she was grooming really yeah yeah it's weird that grooming can be either great or horrible i know isn't that isn't that weird you're either like you're either like oh just make sure my sideburns are intact or you're fucking a 14 year old i know why why are those the only two ways

that's it yeah it's either like oh hell his mustache is right perfect yeah yeah like i send my dog in to get groomed and then it's or it's you getting a 15 year old ready to get plowed it ain't good it ain't good i had a thought the other day about how jump roping is either done by the toughest guy on the planet or the most innocent kid it's like a 10 year old or a fucking murderer interesting yeah it's not much in between it's not like a 40 year old guy jump roping really that's true yeah it's either someone who's going to kill a kid or it's that kid yeah maybe he got it from the kid he killed aha that's not bad all right can i use it use it all right what uh yeah is that is that legit mad is was she was

he 14 was she grooming a guy i know she she had a thing about against weinstein she was one of those she called him out publicly but i also but also apparently you know she they were in an open relationship but she was like you know but then she was you know being public with other guys which is not how you do it yeah yeah that's not very classy I mean if you look if you're adults and you consent to an open relationship that's

your choice for me I think that's like an odd choice personally yeah but also that's what but you know, personally. Yeah. But also, that's what, but you know, but then she was not very discreet, I guess. No, no, no, no. I don't trust her. Yeah, I don't either.

I don't know why, but I don't. Yep. Either way. Either here nor there. Can we groom this innocent boy since six years old? Wow. But is this confirmed? Right, right.

Oh, boy. This is getting ugly. This is getting juicy. Let's get back to the Taliban. This is getting a little too hairy here. Harry Styles. It would be hairy if it was groomed. Yes.

Here, here. You got a bit? Or a peeveve i got a peeve please i don't know if we've read this on a patreon or whatever i was thinking about this we've done so many but by the way sign up for our patreon patreon.com slash we might be drunk pod email us questions peeves uh fucking jokes drinks anything that we might be drunk pot at gmail.com if you got packages for us send them to gotham studios on 38th street oh yeah we got we open them on the on the patreons they've been a ton of fun we video them too got a good little thing going here um yeah you could have your shit on the wall in the studio don't forget yeah we're

dying to replace this one right here so whatever the hell can you see the men of see the Mennonites? I don't know if that's on camera. Yeah, we have a good Dangerfield one over there. Why don't we just switch these two? That's better, right? Yeah. We got a lot of Rodney in here. I'll tell you. I'll tell you.

This is here to stay. Yeah. Briar, the Tony with the horse. The big three is here to stay for sure. We could dump that one though too. Do you know the horse's name again? Pio Mai. Pio Mai. Pio Mai.

There it is. All right, here's a peeve. People who say no pressure when there should be no pressure. You get a text like, hey, no pressure, but will you watch my house for three weeks? And you're like, why would there be pressure in that? It's a big ask. Sometimes people say that when it's like a big ask.

I would argue there is pressure. What you mean like no pressure can you watch my house you're like jesus christ that's what the point i'm making is like you're fucking there this is like a high pressure ask i'm saying oh oh so there is pressure well yeah there shouldn't be pressure because it's like yeah you shouldn't be asking this even right it's too that's what i misspoke yeah yeah i see okay now i got you yeah i completely do that shit all the time hey no pressure it's like hey fuck you we barely know each other yeah people people do that a lot they do that a lot because they're trying to soften it but it's obvious like this is a huge yeah open it by saying i know this is a huge ask and i'm very sorry that's how you'd preface that yes you don't say hey no pressure but uh can i borrow twenty five thousand dollars right right yeah that's true that's a big move the no pressure has to be picked

wisely you can't just use a no hey no pressure but uh my wife is dilating could you deliver it yeah i'm with you that no pressure is just i don't know it no it bugs me a little bit and it's so obvious that it's such an obvious play at least hide it a little hey no pressure but can you uh do a 12-day shoot for free for me and uh and then watch my dog the entire time right right exactly no i'm with you on that one i hate the no pressure where there is pressure because there is you're lying to me out of the gate no pressure it's a lie it's all pressure what uh what's a peeve of yours i had this last night wrote it down immediately because i hate this shit

you ever have the guy who's telling you something you don't care about already He's like oh my nephew He got in a little league And then they wouldn't let him in They wouldn't let him in Because they said he wasn't good enough I'm like oh yeah I don't know you I don't know your nephew I don't know you you're already on to your nephew First of all how did we get here

And then he's like let me show you let me show you a swing And I'm like I don't want to see the kid swing I don't give a shit He's like he's got a great swing This is on breezy point and i'm like all right all right you're not even a sports guy like for me i'd be like oh look i'm i'm i like baseball i mean i i humored him i was like sure let's see the swing yeah i can't imagine you you don't want confrontation no so i'm like oh yeah i'm up i'm up against the wall with this guy he's like oh yeah yeah and that's another thing when people are just like coming at you and you're like, I can't get further away from you.

I'm literally pressed against the wall and you love that. But so he couldn't find on his phone. Now he's doing the thing where he's like, hold on, hold on up. Shit, I can't. Well, it's in here somewhere. And I'm like, you're struggling to find a thing to show me that I don't care about anyway. Like, even if you get it, I don't want to see it. The thing we don't want to do is now an inconvenience. Yes, exactly. Great way to put it. Great way to put it.

So now he's like, hold on, hold on. And like other people are talking to me and I'm like, oh yeah. And I'm trying to like get out of it and go, go to them. But he's like, hold on, hold on. I'm going to find it. And now he's saying it like, I'm going to find it. Like, we got this. Don't worry. I'm not going to i'm not gonna let you down like no no you're letting me down by showing me that's the letting me down i'm already dying here but you think letting me down is not

pulling it up he's like i got it don't worry and i'm like i don't want to see it anyway that should be a socially acceptable thing to say you're killing me yes you're killing me right now we have a finite amount of time right on earth and you were you were killing it yes slowly i and i'm like secretly jealous because i'm like what world are you living in where you think strangers want to see this nephew swing a bat like you better not go back to breezy point with this story i know i feel bad this guy's never heard of an iphone or a pie he's pulling this up on a rotary like this guy is so he was old school he had like he had bike remember those bike shorts not bicycle shorts but shorts the brand bike they had like a weird waist this guy was out to lunch he was all over the road but i'm just saying plugging a special he's pulling this thing up but i'm like i didn't want to see it anyway i'm glad the phone can't pull it up and you're still trying to show me

and he finally found it and it was a kid going and i'm like all right how old was this he's probably 12 13 i mean jesus christ little league or something i'm like i don't care anyway and you're struggling with it and you're making me me. Watch this kid be the next A-Rod. This is the fucking the breezy point. The breezy point kid. I saw him win. I knew he had it. I could tell. I could see it in the talent.

And the kid had it. I'm like, Mark, you got to get the breezy point sensation on We Might Be Drunk. It's a huge get. Well, if he makes it big, we'll have him on and I'll shit on his uncle. But yeah, just the four minutes of like i'm gonna get it don't worry oh man you get a lot of that in the road too where like you just kind of want to like sit in the green like thank god we're at a point where you kind of just like sit in the green room and just be like let me just fucking shut off for a second yeah it's necessary you start to get the

like seinfeld does tm and at first you're like look at this fucking hippie doing the tm geez he sits um you know that whole thing but you're like i get it now i get the shutting down and just having a minute for you and like kind of recentering but i mean i still can't do it do you meditate no i can't do it either it's very hard it's like it'll be like things like notice the smells and i'm like, cool. Drunken noodles take out from earlier. I feel so zen. No, I'm not good at it. I understand that it's good for you and that it helps. I get it.

But my ADD is so bad. It's very hard. I've done it before and it has helped. Oh, really? I think it's just good to be aware of your breathing. We are so overworked yeah like we don't realize it because we like our jobs but like man we don't take days off like it's crazy and if i do take a day off it's like a travel day or something right right you know

so it's um that's a good point it is good to to be aware of your mind and your body, I think, but I'm not good at it. I'm not either. But I do see people like that and I'm like, well, that's, he probably knows. I mean, he's done it, I think Seinfeld has got a wisdom that we probably don't have. Right, right.

Doing this that long. I remember being on the road with the Zs, he would do it. Phil Hanley would do it too. Really? They would meditate, yeah. Every day day twice a day and they would feel like i would be pounding coffee at like 5 p.m and they would be like energized by their own body and there's something pretty damn cool about that that's super cool i asked seinfeld i was like what is with the tm what's the the upside of that and he's you asked sein for what's the deal with tm that's great yeah you're sitting in the corner you're doing this god knows what's going on what's the deal with a dolly llama he's not a

llama or a dolly but he's he had the best answer and i was like oh you've gotten asked this before but he goes you ever get like a great night's sleep but you just feel ready for the day i'm like yeah yeah that's the best but it's rare and he goes i have that every time after i meditate i was like geez now i guess i gotta do it we should do it we should do it let's do it because the fact you have add and it's hard for you imagine if you beat that Imagine you got past that and went to the other side. I feel like that would be a big deal. That'd be a breakthrough. Yeah. You know, like beat the ADD. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. I want to have other thoughts, but I'm pushing back and

I'm going to calm you down. You're not calming me down. I have ADD, but I think this is common with people with ADD where I am obsessive with certain things. If there's things that I really am into, I become obsessive, like weird things like movie facts, basketball statistics, weird things like that. Comedy, I can talk all day. It's one of those weird things where like, but I do feel, it happens a lot of time,

I'll be accused of having ADD, and I'm like, it's like midnight and I'm tired. And someone's like, you weren't listening to my story about my nephew's swing. Yeah. And I'm like, well, maybe that's not on me. Right, right. Well, yeah, some people are just boring as hell.

Yeah. So yeah, that's not your fault, but no, you're right, you're right. Can't blame everything on the add some people suck but i do i do have it for sure it is hard for me to focus even like with things occasionally that i do care about yeah what about these people go add is not real you know you know there's all those guys like anxiety is not a thing oh that's gotta suck it up that's completely crazy that's crazy that's someone who doesn't have anxiety like i don't have my i get anxiety but

i've seen people with worse anxiety than me and I'm like, oh, it's so real, clearly. Really? Yeah, dude, I mean, don't you ever get those nights where you're just panicking? Yes. There are people that feel like that all the time. That's real anxiety.

There are people that are medicated for anxiety. Anxiety is fucking real. It's real, I had an anxiety attack. I don't wanna say I've had them a bunch, but one I had that was like, oh, this had an anxiety attack. I don't want to say I've had them a bunch, but I've had one I had that was like, oh, this is an anxiety attack. I'm so bad at math. I failed out of college. I got into community college in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I'm in math class, algebra. I cannot do math to save my life. If my mom's life was dependent on me doing an algebra problem, I couldn't do it. Damn. And I was sitting at a table with like eight other kids that'd be a really weird uh serial killer the fraction killer

but i'm trying to educate people this whole thing i'm trying to help never used it once by the way yeah uh louisiana public school system but i'm sitting there at community college it's hot out whatever and i'm sweating over this test i'm just staring at this test. It's like a final exam. If I pass this, I get through the fucking school. I'm praying to God. And I remember I was looking down at it and the test got blurry and I was dripping sweat and it was like hitting the pages. And I remember being like, oh my God, I'm having an anxiety attack. I thought I was going to die. And I fell backwards in the seat. Wow. And they let me leave. I was like, oh, I'm freaking out.

They let me leave. And I think I got out of it. And you walked away like Kaiser Soze. You just got away with it. I fixed my limp and I got it together. Yeah. But no, that was one of the worst anxiety moments of my life. And just went into, I changed my majors.

I went to film. Is that a faint, would you call it it i don't think i fainted because i never went out like mentally but i fell backwards in the chair i just lost it i like my body your body tightened up yeah exactly and uh people are like oh my god it was like out of a movie like are you okay the lady's fanning me it's some southern lady you know and uh this boy's got the vapors yeah exactly i said the n-word it got weird but uh yeah yeah you ever had a real ang a proper anxiety attack not like that no i haven't we have a friend who's got bad anxiety and he got hives before a show once and he was kind of like he was turning red and having splotches. And I remember like, oh, that's. It was right after he stole Mary's shoes.

It was a real attack. I was like, oh, that's the real deal right there. Damn. Yeah. I'll tell you after. I know. You were there. I was there.

Hell yeah. We were all there. I think I know what it is. Yeah. You probably know it. I think I know it. But I remember being like, wow, this guy is big red blops on his face yeah that's rough yeah yeah that's the thing you don't think about is like people like there's a lot of rejection and pressure in so many careers that like it's

it's crazy it's a weird choice like this ain't We fucking, we got, we got a long work week here in America. Oh yeah. We got high presh. Yeah. High blood presh too. Oh yeah. We got weird food. Yeah.

It's, it's weird. Cause you go to like, you ever been to Italy or Paris or any of that? Like they are just chilled out compared to us. Yeah. Cigarettes, wine, and all the women are still thin somehow. Yeah. What the hell is that shit? Portions. I think it's portions. I think it's portions and it's fresh. compared to us. Yeah, cigarettes, wine, and all the women are still thin somehow. Yeah, fascinating. What the hell is that shit? Portions, I think it's portions.

I think it's portions and it's fresh. We got a lot of preservatives. But also cigarettes, if you're smoking cigarettes, that's probably killing your appetite too. True, true. Also, I think we are like the kings of snacking. Oh, we can graze all day. Because they're known for like croissants,

but it's like, you know. Yeah, that's true. Richard Jenney used to have a great bit about how what we do, like they had the croissants, but it's like, you know. Yeah, that's true. Richard Jenney used to have a great bit about how what we do. Like, they had the croissants. We made the croissandwich. It's like, there's nothing more American. You're like, ah, that's a great observation.

Another underrated guy, Richard Jenney. Check him out. Classic. Classic, killer, joke, comic, great observations. Great performer, too. Great performer. Rare great writer, performer. That's true, yeah.

Another guy who killed himself From Brooklyn He was great Yeah so true they're thinner than us We're fat as shit My whole family's fat And yet they eat pasta Or you know Cheesecake and croissants

And pizza and all this shit what is that i think it's preservatives too i think we're eating a lot of like garbage yeah funyuns and shit yeah they're not eating funyuns over there yeah funyuns yeah pizza rolls yeah i feel like also the portion control thing that was like we eat big portions i eat a lot i really don't like i eat a lot man and then i just walk like my mom cooked us dinner the other night and i just like my brother and i were like we go back for seconds like we eat a lot yeah keep it coming i say we do dessert i mean we do the french i think it's just like they eat rich foods but it's smaller portions. Yeah.

They don't have a buffet mindset. The buffet. We literally have eat till you can't eat anymore. It's like, it's like a game. It's a game. You ever go to a buffet? It's fucking great. Yeah, it's great.

I love it. I grew up on buffets. There are people I've talked to with like, what's lower quality food? I'm like, yeah, but there's everything. Everything. You want an egg roll? You want salmon? You want a chicken paprikash? It all there general so's you get a fucking taco you got soft serve it's

incredible oh my god the jello my god the jello cookies cookies as far as the eye can see it's what's your go-to at a buffet i go i've done but i got a phd in buffets i've done every buffet oh me too the key is at a buffet is you you want to think with your stomach you go oh my god look at that lasagna you want to just pile it on but the key is get a little morsel lasagna because you just want to taste it yeah you taste the lasagna and you don't overdo on the carbs. Exactly. You want that sliced turkey in there. Get the turkey. Get the gravy. Eat half the egg roll. A lot of waste going on.

And then I pile it on top. I don't care what it is. Cheesecake, tiramisu, lasagna, pancakes. I pile the whole thing on top with shrimp. Love a little shrimp. I get a boiled shrimp and then a side of the cocktail sauce. I fuck with some noodles, too. I will do the Chinese area, as well.

Oh, yeah will do they got sushi the buffet i'll fucking roll the dice hell yeah i'll do always i went to a buffet once with oh it was a shitty buffet with oysters rockefeller and i was like i'm a struggling young comic let's dance give me the shellfish motherfucker oh i'll do crab legs oh hell yeah i put the bib on i get the lobster i'm cracking that shit crab legs fucking rule oh hell yeah. I put the bib on, I get the lobster. I'm cracking that shit. Crab legs fucking rule. Oh, I love crab leg.

It's work. But when you get that meat out of there, you feel like a prospector. You're like, I did it. I found the meat, the gold, butter,

lemon, seafood. It's like, I don't think there's anything better. No, no. I think that might be my favorite thing to eat is like really good seafood. I'm with you.

I'm with you. You can't top it, man. There's a is like really good seafood. I'm with you. I'm with you. You can't top it, man. There's a New Orleanian seafood. Like you'd go to the grocery store even in that window or that, that like case, the glass case with just the row of seafood. Oh my God. It was like, it was glowing. Like the, the suitcase and Pulp Fiction.

I loved it. Uh, what, what's your go-to for seafood i mean i'm a crawfish guy which i know i'm biased but like boiled crawfish the fat guy like rolls that out on the table the red just like your sleeves man yeah it's the best oh you just pop open you have a beer next to you your hands are filthy your mouth is burning woo suck the head baby i've never been a crawfish guy i i mean, shrimp, crab. Shrimp is great. Shit, if there's lobster in the house, I'm fucking going crazy.

I haven't had it for so many years. Yeah. Lobster a little overrated, I think. But a lobster roll is fucking money, dude. A lobster roll is great. Good call. Lobster roll with fries, that's a fucking good meal. Hot or cold? I like it cold. I like like it hot i like a hot

bun obviously but but a cold cold lobster i love i love that it's like borscht you can get hot or cold i could i could go you know what i go hot though i love borscht hot or cold too i'm i'm fucking i guess if it's the summer i want it cold but if it's like indoors i want it hot yeah borscht is so good because gazpacho i think is nobody wants that shit i like it oh come on who's in the summer nice veggie soup cold i'm ordering that at a restaurant i'll go borscht ahead of it but i'll fucking order it all right all right i'll go borscht ahead of it too not everyone crushes a gazpacho but when you have a good gazpacho that's fucking nice that is nice yeah i like borscht is my favorite soup that's my number one

oh and the comedy seller borscht is top notch it's great vaselka man vaselka too support vaselka man i think they've been struggling this pandemic if you're in new york city uh east ninth street or i believe it's ninth street ninth and second second avenue i mean 24 hours you can't do much better they got everything but man the pierogies the borscht the everything it's just one of the best yeah i got a hot 4.5 i give it a 4.8 sorry oh sorry we've had some late nights in there we've had some meetings in there we'll meet up with silka we'll talk it out we'll figure it out i mean that's a great what is it uh polish look at that shit it's ukrainian i believe oh look at that it's beautiful

oh that fucking stuffed cabbage with gravy i will fucking eat that ass why isn't stuffed cabbage talked about more that is one of the best dishes on the planet stuffed cabbage stuffed peppers that meat the pierogi i mean that's great food fat grandmas from poland or the ukraine are it's probably my favorite like this is probably my favorite comfort food. You go borscht. Look at that vodka. My mom makes the best vodkas, by the way. Oh, really?

Oh, my God. How nice is that? I'd like to try one. Pierogies. We should do that with Hanukkah maybe this December. We do that. Oh, I like it. We got all this.

Man, I think this is what we do. Yeah, we got to do this one day. I'm down, baby. Look at that. I love it. Patreon or something. The, we got to do this one day. I'm down, baby. Look at that. I love Patreon or something. The jiggly arms on the lady with the apron, pulling that lock out of the oven with some applesauce and sour cream. Sour cream on that.

Dude, a little fucking sweet onions. I love the mushroom barley there. I'm fucking, I'm getting hard, dude. This is crazy. That's some sour cream coming out of you. That's the thing about the Midwest. You go to these German towns, these Polish towns, these Polacks can pull out some cabbage.

It's unreal. And we don't really have a lot of it in the South. We didn't have any of that shit, really. I'm so over mac and cheese. To me, it's the most, oh, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. If you're doing something crazy with like, it's too like soft.

When you do the crunch in there, I'm down. when there's like the breadcrumbs but like i don't know there's a more overrated food than mac and cheese yeah just cheese and shitty pasta it's easy i don't know i i get it at a barbecue i'll do a scoop it's look i like it but it's not my it's not even other people like oh man i'm a mac and cheese remember when when there was like it was like the early it was like probably the early 2000s mid-2000s yep when people's entire personality was like i like bacon that's how i feel about mac and cheese people i'm like yeah it's cheese and pasta of course you like but there were people like for a period where they're like i like bacon and you're like wow you like the crispiest saltiest like who doesn't like bacon man yeah

even vegans look at that shit and they're like i wish i could indulge the taliban likes bacon we get it what's the the uh they had bacon vodka for a hot minute that came out bacon had a run mac and cheese had a huge run there was all those places in new york like what was it called sneeze or cheese yeah yeah i know the place you're talking about it had some weird name There was all those places in New York like, what was it called? Sneeze or Cheesy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know the place you're talking about. It had some weird name. S'more. No, Smack.

Smack. That was it. Which is a little offensive to the drug addicts, by the way. They walked in very upset. They were like, you have misrepresented yourself. What the hell? This is worse than that place called Crackle. But yeah, yeah.

Oh, is it still open? I think it is. I think that it is i think it was pretty good you know they had buffalo mac and cheese that was fucking good that is pretty good see look you're not gonna get a thin person in smack even in the ads they keep it real i appreciate that but it's just mac and cheese i don't know expand your palate get a stuffed cabbage for once in your life broaden iten it up. That does look pretty good. Yeah. If I'm going to be bad and indulge, I want French fries.

You know? Yeah. The worst thing for you, by the way. They're so good, though. I know a bunch of nutritionists and they all say French fries. Don't eat them. Worse than chips? Worse than chips. Damn. It's that thick potato. Apparently, potato is not great for you. It's a starch.

Tell that to the Irish. They were dying for them. I mean, I love potato. French fries are like the best bad food, though. I know. And I like to dip them. And they're just right there. And steak and potato is like the ultimate American hearty meal.

Steak potato with like a scotch or a Jack and Coke. The Bar Jew works at Bobby Vans I was saying on the 100th episode we should go down there And have a steak Should we do that? Yeah we'll get a couple of peaty scotches And have a steak and fuck with each other Bobby Vans is that good? I think it's pretty solid

You know solid steakhouse Let's look up the ratings 1969 on Park avenue you can't go wrong let's fucking do it let's do it or we can go to that place old homestead or something i think he works on the one on 50th that's 50 that's right by here oh beautiful old homestead he works there no no i'm just saying that's the oldest i've never been there oh i went there once it's a good it's good yeah because whenever we if you go there you're not buying it's some rich guy who's like we're going to old homestead you know so it's uh it's a fun time remember that one we went to a schumer and

a bunch of other guys bill hanley keens is the best that is nice talk about old new york we're talking like yeah they did you know it's funny they did a billions episode there where it was like they ordered the mutton. That's the thing to order. At Keen's, everyone's like, you gotta get the mutton. I've never had. What is mutton? All I know is the Seinfeld episode. Thanks for mutton. It's red meat. I don't know.

It's from a cow, is it not? I think it's something to a mutton. Yeah, what makes a mutton a mutton? Is it goat? Is it... Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Mud refers to the flesh of the mature ram. Ram.

Or ew, at least one year old. Or a sheep. It's a sheep. Interesting. I was totally wrong. I'm sorry. 20 months old. Wow.

Like an Epstein. They get in early. They get out. The meat of the sheep, six to 10 weeks old, is usually sold as baby lamb and spring lamb. Damn. He was on the lamb. He was. Damn. That is fucking weird.

Oh, mutton. It looks good. It does look good. Damn. We can get some Keens, dude. Oh, man. We probably got to get a reservation. Do we?

I assume. They do outdoor dining, too, though. I bet there's room. reservation. Do we? I assume. They do outdoor dining too though. I bet there's room. Yeah, we could figure it out. Keen's is fucking legendary, dude. What are we at? I feel like we've gone three days here. It feels like we've been blowing the light.

Are we okay? Oh, we gotta do a bit? Let's do a bit. All right. I got nothing. I got nothing. Because my shit's either working or it's just a loose idea. let me try a loose idea on you give me a lucy i was talking to someone and they told me uh they don't like movies like one of those people it's like who are who fucking doesn't like

i was you know i said to them i said you know who does like movies uh kim jong-un kim jong-un likes movies and they were like what does that mean i'm like that he's a better hang than you i would rather hang out with a north korean dictator right and then you think about it and you're like well aside from murdering people and treating his country terribly and killing family members he's probably fun oh yeah maybe he's got a flat top he's young he's in the basketball he loves movies yeah he knows rodman that is true i was thinking but like it is funny when people are like people people with the dumbest opinions are like proud of them yes like i'm like i i don't like movies and it's like you're proud

to not like i would keep that quiet it's like it's like yeah what you're proud that you don't like a thing that's like by the way we've done as well as anybody americans oh yeah we got so many good i mean it's just a weird thing they're like that's the hell you're dying on no i'm with you and they think it makes it more interesting when in fact it actually makes you less fun or less desirable you don't like movies get out of you know that guy like i don't like ice cream i don't get it fuck you that's what dude that's it's pushing back in the day it was. You don't like movies? Get out of here. You know that guy, like, I don't like ice cream. I don't get it. Fuck you. Dude, that's, this person back in the day was like, I don't even own a television. You're like, don't talk to me.

Right, right. It's like literally when someone's like, the Rolling Stones suck, and you're like, yeah, they're the problem. Not that you were a fucking idiot. Exactly. Contrarian. I don't know what the joke is here.

It's more I'm just annoyed. Yeah, that is interesting. There might not be a bit here this might be something i just maybe it's a peeve but i might be a peeve you know oh i fucking stink no no i i feel it's a peeve more than the bit i think the angle is though that they think they're interesting when in fact they're actually revealing that they suck you know because like the kkk also very proud you know they're actually revealing that they suck. Because like the KKK also very proud. They're like, hey, no, this is the right thing to do. We're burning crosses. Just because you're proud doesn't mean you're right. There you go.

Yeah, it's like. The proud boys. Yeah, just because you're proud doesn't mean you're right. Well, don't tell that to the gays. That whole parade would go to hell. But yeah, that's an interesting angle because they think it'll make me oh this will make me stand out but sometimes standing out it's kind of when people say i'm open-minded and you're like yeah but so is he about fucking kids right he's more open-minded

than you are i mean that yeah thinking well it's really that you think you're interesting for not liking yes for not liking a thing that that is just like how do you not like yeah it's popular you're writing off a whole fucking art yeah right i don't like movies and it's okay to not like it but yeah you should be weird don't act like you're fucking like you're better than me yeah you're like i don't like movies yeah yeah you should look inward a little bit like why don't i like movies i guess i can't sit there for two hours or have you seen good movies yeah there's nothing here fucking go to yours i'll i'll think of something better i'm playing with it i like this is trash literally my jokes are either that right now or they're working.

I don't have a lot of in-between that need tweaking. Well, new ideas are so few and far between. Good new ideas. That movie one's hitting from a couple weeks ago. What's that? The one about how, fuck. Basically, my girlfriend will say, you know, you're trying to have sex with me

and we're watching a movie and I didn't want to do it. And she's like, you don't have sex, we're watching a movie. And I was like, I'll fuck you during the movie that you picked. That's a great joke. Like, I'm not gonna fuck you, like I don't want to fuck you during Godfather II. I'll fuck the shit out of you during Little Women.

You know, so the turn is like I have more confidence in my ability to pick a movie than I do in my sexual prowess. Cause I can say shit about the movie, I can't say about what I'm doing in bed. Like I can't fuck someone and she's not into it and be like, you just didn't get it. It was ahead of its time. So that's hidden, yeah.

What do you got? Well that's one we talked out here. What do you got? I like that. But I'll come back with something better next week. That was Loose. Same, same. Trash.

I don't think I have a big one either, but me and my friend were talking about how we were younger, and this is also Loose, talking about how we were younger that you used to hear about ninjas a lot more. Like it was all like everything was ninja this ninja that i'm like well i guess because they're doing better and that's the whole ninja please yeah ninjas they're not around much you don't hear about them much you're like yeah because they're killing it they're that quiet you know and i think that's a funny twist but i'm like what's the what's the point here i'm making yeah there's nothing that's who that's how you know they're doing well when you never hear from

them yes exactly kind of like a dead be dead right i tell you i think you know they're killing it if they're just not around right or a politician like the more you hear about a politician though that means there was a scandal or they fucked up or there's something happened but like what's another what's another job you don't want to hear shit from cia fbi they're kind of quiet fbi is good yeah you want them to be uh hush hush you keep hearing buzzing about the the fbi maybe they're not so an intern if you hear a lot about an intern that means she sucked off the president uh see it could have been a throwaway that's the thing what's another job that you if you hear about alan havey had that great joke he's like my wife my ex-wife was in the cia it was great she'd come home like how was your day honey she's like i

can't talk about he's like perfect it's a great joke that's a great joke but uh yeah then the ninja thing it might have just been a nothing all right how about let me throw this one at you that feels like a throwaway line i'll get off maybe like i'll i'll tack that on to a bit you know sure it doesn't feel like a full premise okay Okay. Sorry. My tile is going nuts. Why is your tile going nuts? I don't know. I think I'm sitting on it wrong. But, Jesus tile. Shut up.

Alright. Alright, it's done. The, uh, I'm doing this whole bit about how there's slut shaming. You shouldn't slut shame, but I think women hate sluts. So there's all this anti-slut sh shaming stuff but like ladies you hate them like women will be able to like i hate that bitch fuck that slut so you're like so it is bad so you gotta tell us because this is on you guys

you know women are like how come if a man sleeps a lot of girls he's a player but if a girl sleeps a lot of guys she's a slut and i'm like well i think because you believe that ladies and that gets a big laugh and then i'm like you guys hate sluts men we love sluts and that kills but i think i need something some more there yeah no the only time a man hates a slut is if he's dating one right right that's the only time a man hates a slut is if he catches his wife right right that's the only how a man hates a slut is if he catches his wife fucking the neighbor he's like you slut yes no wife is like having his ass eaten by his wife and is like you slut yeah yeah i mean and then they'll be like well men call women sluts too and i'm like yeah we do it because it works it still gets a rise out of you but if you

call me a slut i'm like let's party yeah we don't care you guys care internally yeah it's in you ladies you act like it's this man thing like these slut men are these toxic men are yelling at sluts like yeah but you have the problem with it it bothers you jim jeffries different bit but jim jeffries have a bit i thought was so funny about he's like to be, to be a stud, you have to be rich, you have to be good looking. He's like, to be a slut, you just have to be there. Like there are dwarf sluts. There are no dwarf studs.

And he goes, maybe in their own community, but none of them crossed over. That was a Jim Jefferies bit I thought was so good. Well, yeah, Bill Burr had the bit. He's like, why is a girl a slut and a guy a stud and it's like because it's being a stud is hard it takes work you gotta like win a woman over being a slut is easy that's why it's a knock but my whole point is women act like it's this thing that guys say like these sluts but it's like yeah but you hate them too yeah don't act like it's just us well they're fucking shit up for them aha because they they all have like a

product so to speak and one group is giving it away for easy so if you're a fucking five-star restaurant you don't like wendy's aha that's great yeah there's the angle all right we got it it's kind of like like blm black we're like hey black lives matter but it would be like if black people also hated black people no no you guys are fighting for black people and you still like black people they're like if there was samuel jackson and jango as part of that group you're like you can't be part of us right right exactly it doesn't make sense so there you go ladies that's a good bit now that's hot we got uh good stuff coming out uh also shit man please watch my doc which is now i would assume out uh youtube.com slash sam morel m-o-r-r-i-l or just

youtube uh full capacity sam morel on youtube gonna be a banger love what we have here i'm fighting with salicus like crazy lately so it better be good better be worth uh fucking up our friendship no this is how art is created passion world's gliding please watch that see me at millersville oh no atlanta this weekend then millersville oh no i believe it's millersville this weekend this is in two weeks right yeah so millersville, Pennsylvania, uh, nine 15. Then we got, um, fuck.

We got Philly helium. One of my faves, 16th through the 19th moon tower in Austin for a few nights. That'll be great. A lot of great comics there. Uh, I'll be in St. Louis,

Indianapolis, Springfield, Missouri, Chicago, uh, fucking, uh, comedy works in denver phoenix sam ralph.com slash shows i'll see you on the road i can't wait hell yeah i'll be on the road as well nashville uh west palm beach atlanta uh madison wisconsin All kinds of fun gigs. Check MarkNormanComedy.com.

Yeah, watch our specials. Give us a like. Give us a comment. We'll get our albums. They're all out there, folks. Netflix is out. Give that a fun hello. And yeah, hopefully we get that whiskey at some point.

Who knows what's going on. We're working on it. Lawyers. Yeah, it's all the legal mumbo jum point. Who knows what's going on? We're working on it. Lawyers. Yeah, it's all the legal mumbo jumbo. Who the hell knows? But yeah, keep watching. Keep drinking. Get on the Patreon.

Subscribe to the YouTube channel, obviously. Leave a nice review. Subscribe to that Patreon. As Mark said, patreon.com slash we might be drunk pod. Thanks, guys. We love you. Comedy. might be drunk pod. Woo! Thanks guys, we love you. Comedy!