We Might Be Drunk - Ep 43: Juiced Up

Episode Date: October 4, 2021

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We might be drunk, we might be drunk, as long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit, pep heaps, wrecks, and a bit, maybe drunk. We might be drunk, yeah. Alright, I'll tell you, good to be here folks folks. You're all right, you're all right. All right, ready? And go. Wow, that was good. That was usable. Yeah, keep it in. Hey, all right, we'll keep it in.

Hey, we're back, baby. We might be drunk episode, I don't know, 30-something probably. Who the hell can keep track? We're drunk. 36? 34. 32. 42. Yes, like Salacuse's age

1942 Good producer Really seems to care Yeah Alright well Look we're back We're better than ever We're being healthy this week

Look at this We got wheatgrass shots We got smoothies We might be gay Is this mine? Yeah No wait I got the red recovery

Or whatever Which I wanted the green one Yeah flip it. Flip it. The old, what is it? Princess Bride? Oh, good save.

That could have been ugly. That was Wallace Shawn. My Dinner with Andre. Yes. One of the greatest snoozers of all time. I used to love that fucking movie. Oh, I got crap for... I told you that. I told my mom and I got crap for my... I told you that.

I told my mom and I, you both loved it. I loved it. I was a film student, pretentious cunt, and I told everybody I loved it. But it is... I couldn't watch it again.

Hey, let's do a wheatgrass shot. Hell yeah. We gotta cleanse the system here. What's the toast to? Ooh, that's a good question. I mean, I love the weather in New York. It's autumn. Can't beat it. 70 degrees outside, and the sun is shining. I mean, I love the weather in New York. It's autumn. Can't beat it.

70 degrees outside, and the sun is shining. You know what's funny? This is going to be harder to take than tequila. This smells like crap. This is hell. We shoot alcohol. It's funny. I see people complain when they take a whiskey shot, and I'm like, pussy.

Yeah. I don't want to see my face after I take this wheatgrass. Yeah, this is. This is going to be shooting in another direction shortly. Oh, yeah. I'd rather drink jizz. That's not bad, actually. That wasn't bad. I'm surprised.

It smells worse than it is. That's true. It's kind of like lawn trimmings. Oh, man. That was tough. Now, does that actually help? Is that really doing anything? Nobody knows. What do we know? Yeah.

I don't know if it helps. You see these L.A. people taking these every day, and I'm like, what do you know? Is that anything? Your state's on fire. What the hell do you know? All homeless, state's on fire, the whole thing. The L.A. homeless scene is rough, too. Because it's like, you could tell a lot.

There's good-looking homeless people, so you could tell a lot of them had bigger dreams. Oh, that's true. You see a hobo that looks like Hugh Jackman, you're like, shit. You should have been a contender. Right, yeah. Because it used to just be, oh, that's a good-looking actor. I mean, a good-looking waiter. He's probably an actor.

Now it's a good-looking hobo. This is pretty good. I think we're going to feel good after this. I hope so. This is like the opposite of a cocktail. It's not that good going down, but I think the other going to feel good after this. I hope so. This is like the opposite of a cocktail. It's not that good going down, but I think the other end, we're good. Right now, the beer Jew is somewhere in New York going,

I feel a weird pain in my chest. I feel like we're cheating on him with this shit. Well, yeah, man. I'm hurting still, but I'm getting there. The neck, the back? The neck's killing me, but I'm getting there. Man, what are you going to be like at 80? It ain't going to be pretty. I'm going to be pushing you around in a wheelchair.

I'm going to be one of those guys who's bent in half. You ever see those? The city literally broke them. They're like this. Yes, exactly. They're like a fucking right angle. Brutal. Scoliosis.

There you go. Yeah, but that's got to start somewhere. Have you seen Bernie Sanders' posture? That ain't good. Brutal. Scoliosis. There you go. Yeah, but that's got to start somewhere. Have you seen Bernie Sanders' posture? That ain't good. Oh, man. It's all shoulders. He's like a scarecrow. Yeah.

It's just like you just see all that anxiety he has. You know he's an anxious guy. Yeah. You know it's all here. All up there. He's got a hump, that guy. I mean, that's just years of activism just weighing on him. Like, oh, civil rights and anti-Semitism and, you know, rich people.

The Hunchback of Burlington starring Bernie. Yeah, no, look at him. He's not... Yeah, oh, man, it's just no neck. Andy's skin has turned pink. He looks like a baby gerbil. Oh, yeah. There's some benjamin budden vibes going on what about my ass yeah he does he's got a real bridge troll thing cooking there he's like it's one of the he's the eighth dwarf jewy he scares you with him he scares you

with complaints because these allergies are killing me oh my god uh a future to believe in what what is he doing now i always wonder like, like, Yang, what's Yang up to? All these guys who... Oh, he's still a senator. Oh, is he? Yeah. Oh, all right. That's something.

Yeah, he's still around. What do they make? He just had a heart attack. What? They make a few hundred K probably, but he's also rich from books and stuff. Oh, yeah. That was the whole thing, that he has extra... That he has, like, a summer home, and you're like, he's 80.

Right. That's true. He needs a summer home. Once you're like, he's 80. Right. That's true. He needs a summer home. Once you're over 75, just let him have it. Yeah, that's true. You know what they say? After 75K a year, you don't get happier. You ever heard that?

I believe it. Yeah, I believe it too. Well, look at Rodney Dangerfield, man. Still miserable. He was a miserable guy. I don't think money and fame bring you happiness No There's always something

If that's what you're chasing It's not something that satisfies you Yeah, they say never buy your dream car Because then you have nothing to shoot for It's just a metaphor Even though I bought mine Suck it, people I can't drive, so

I don't know if that works for me So you'll be really miserable. Or I'll be really happy. Or happy. It's all a choice, I think. I just need a dream car to continue to never be able to drive and I'll stay happy. There you go. I'll give you a ride. Yeah, that's true.

You've got to find your own happiness. You've got to do it yourself. It's all up here, folks. That's what they say. That's what they say, man. Yeah. What's in your smoothie here? What are you sipping on here? Oh, I got some beets.

That's brain food, they say. Yes. Beets and peppermint is supposed to be good for the brain. Peppermint? Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah.

Beets by Dre, carrot, I think some radish, and maybe celery. I don't know. I feel like celery is good for you, I think some radish, and maybe celery? I don't know. I feel like celery is good for you. I think it is. It's the only food where you eat it and you burn calories. Because it has so little food, like fat or calories, that actually chewing it burns more than it is. So why are we eating it? Tastes good?

Nope. Nutrients? You throw some peanut butter on there, it's pretty good. Ants on a log. Yeah, a little raisin action. Oh, yeah. Peanut butter is versatile, man. Oh, it's my favorite.

You can put it anywhere. I get the thing from Amazon. It's like this big. It's like a drum. Really? Oh, yeah, because I don't want to keep buying it. I keep buying it every week. I'm a junkie.

That's your vice, peanut butter. You never got any almond butter, Chris. I tried it. It doesn't hit the spot. Crunchy or vice, peanut butter. You never got in the almond butter craze. I tried it. It doesn't hit the spot. Crunchy or creamy? Creamy. What? I know.

I get this every time. Get this every time. What are you? Crunch. You guys are a bunch of birdie bros with your crunch. Crunch? Get out of here. What would you rather have?

Who doesn't want crunch? Why would I want more obstacles in my life? I want to just slurp it in. Is this in the Olympics? I don't need to be chewing all day. All day? What about these natural peanut butters? What a nightmare that is where you got to mix the oil in.

Like, well, what am I, at work? That's work. I'll give you that. That's work. What am I, Amish? I'm fucking shaking it. I'm churning butter here. Exactly.

I'm mixing things every day. Get out of town. I just want to scoop it. I can't believe you're creamy over my see my girlfriend got creamy the other day yeah and i was like i didn't say anything but i was kind of like what the hell and i was like and then one day i just i brought up i was like are you a creamy person and she and she goes no i'm crunchy it's just i only had creamy and was like, all right. I'm creamy over nothing. Okay. But I'm crunchy if I've got the option. I think I'm prison creamy.

Oh, yeah. I got you. I got you. It's the only thing there. I'll take it. I prefer the term smooth. If you call it creamy, it sounds a little sexual. Yeah.

Crunchy versus smooth. Sexual? Who would you rather hang out with? A guy who's crunchy or a guy who's smooth? Did the sex act ruin the Boston cream pie? What is a Boston cream pie? Look it up. It's like a cream pie. I know the cream pie.

I don't know the Boston cream pie. I think it's got chocolate on top. Oh, so there's shit involved. Oh, like the Boston cream donut. You ever do that? That's a good donut. Great donut. Boston cream donut. You ever do that? Oh, yeah. That's a good donut. Great donut. There's a Boston cream pie.

But wait, what's the sex act? It's got to be... The cream pie is just you come inside someone. Their ass. And then it comes out. I believe... But what makes it a Boston? Yeah.

Because that's just a cream pie. To its father. But a Cleveland steamer, it doesn't come from Cleveland. I know, but a steamer isn't an act. A cream pie is still an act without the Boston... No, a Cleveland steamer doesn't come from Cleveland. I know, but a steamer isn't an act. A cream pie is still an act without the boss. No, a Cleveland steamer is the act. I know, but it's got Cleveland, but there's no steamer alone. A cream pie can be alone is what I'm saying.

I think the boss in cream pie is when you cream inside a woman and then go chase your dreams like Will Hunting in that movie. It's not your fault. I got to see about an ass. What is the uh i went along i went longer for that joke than he went to go find that girl great role by the way by robin by robin williams oh yeah killed it as the serious uh psychiatrist yeah i just saw matt damon in interviews say that their whole idea was like i I think they heard Reservoir Dogs, Tarantino got 500K of funding once they got Harvey Keitel attached. So when he and Ben Affleck were writing it, they were like, we just need to get one actor attached and we can get this made.

So they cast such a wide net with that character. Like, it could have been a woman. We voted. So like, if Meryl Streep was interested, it could work. We could have been a black guy. We could have had a woman. We voted. So if Meryl Streep was interested, it could have worked. We could have been a black guy. We could have had that Southie tension. Oh, yeah. So we were like, if Denzel was interested, and then they got Robin Williams.

Wow. He killed it. Won the Oscar, right? Won the Oscar. I don't know. I believe he did. I think he did. I know they won for writing.

I don't know if he won for that. I think he won. I think he won. Look it up. That year, I think it was 97. They were so young. That was a hot year. Hot year.

I think, was that L.A. Conf? I think that might have been the next year. But maybe it was that. Oh, Titanic. Yes, you're right. Titanic, Boogie Nights. Wow. Man.

As good as it gets. That was a fun year. Movies really fell off a cliff. They really did. The 90s, man. They were on a tear. It was like Saving Private Ryan, Forrest Gump, Pulp Fiction, Shawshank. And he got that role because Robin Williams

introduced him to Spielberg. Wait, who? Robin Williams introduced Matt Damon to Spielberg. So he was like, oh, he had gained weight, I guess, because he was really skinny for some movie he'd done. And he's like, oh, I saw you in that. I really liked you. But the guy needs to be heavier.

And then he met him and he was like, oh, he's heavier. Wow. I think liked you, but the guy needs to be heavier. And then he met him and he was always heavier. Wow. I think it was Courage Under Five? Yes, that's what it was. You're good. That's what put him on the map because he got really thin. So you're right here about 1997 Best Supporting Actor, Good Will Hunting. Hell yeah.

This is good, dude. I never do this. You don't like it? You did green and green? Yeah. You did the green shot and the green drink? Bernie. It's all green Green New Deal

What did you get? You got the orange pizzazz Recovery A lot of carrot Ginger You don't like it It just burns I don't know why it's good

Is that good? I think so Depends what the name was Was it worth it? There it was There's a clip I don't know why it's good. Is that good? I mean. I think so. Depends what her name was. All right, I'll tell you. Was it worth it? There it was. There's a clip. Yeah, I was a smoothie every other day guy for a while.

Really? They're so expensive in New York. They're like 20 bucks now. Yeah, Roy Wood's got that great bit about peach tranquility. He goes, the tranquility is like $5. Just give me the peach. Man, I like how you did a little Rodney on that, too. I'll tell you. Peach.

I just thought, you guys want to hear my prior? I'll tell you. The Cups. Boy, Roy Wood, one of the best comics in the country. And one of the best people. Great guy. So I'm watching Only Murders in the Building, the show with Steve Martin and Martin Short. And Roy Wood's in it.

He's got a cameo in it. And he's got a cameo with Martin Short and Steve Martin and Martin Short and Roy Wood's in it. He's got a cameo in it. What? And he's got a cameo with Martin Short and Steve Martin. So I text him like, dude, what the hell? And he's like, oh, I got stories for you. Like, spent the whole day with them. Said they couldn't have been cooler. We gotta get him on here.

We gotta get him on here. Did you say that? Get him in here, yeah. Oh. Does he live in New York? He does, right? Yeah. He's on The Daily Show.

He lives here. You never know anymore. He's got kids and the pandemic. I don't know. Yeah, I feel like a lot of comics now, they're just on the road. Yes. Exactly. The road is... Because you're tired during the week if you're on the road every week like

we are. Yeah. Why does your shirt say Gay Dracula? I don't know. Somebody sent this to me. I don't know what it means. It might be a band. It might be a sex act. I don't know. Do you feel weird walking around the street in a shirt that says Gay on it? No, no. Because I'm like, this is your problem. You guys figure it out, because I'm getting a lot of like, what the hell is that?

And then they feel like it's not in the know. So I'm loving it. I don't know. Can we Google it? I'm looking it up. I'm getting nothing here. All right, even better. It's like that bar with no sign.

Oh, there's a sign. Gay Dracula. There you go. You're lucky we're in Herald Square, not Chelsea. You would have been chased in this building right there. I'll take it. Oh, yeah. Loving this smoothie, Matt. This is good, man.

I'm into it. Salak is really fucked up with all that ginger. Yep. Nothing worse than an Irishman. Ginger, if you rearrange it, what do you get? Oh, boy. Alright. Nothing worse than an Irishman. Ginger. If you rearrange it, what do you get? Oh boy. All right. It's not,

it's not my joke. It's not, it's not a joke. It's just bad. Well, it's somebody has that joke. I can't, I think it's Byron Bowers.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh yeah. Okay. Well, context is big with that. Sure.

Sure. Sure. Sure. He's a, he's a ginger. Oh my God god Oh man So are we talking about diners? Oh, we were talking about diners earlier, right?

Yeah Yeah, me and Sally went to one last week Yeah Ben's It was good? Very good It was great It's right over here

I think it's on 38th We should all go I got the beef barley. We got a, what do you call it? A potato pancake. A latke. Latke. And the pastrami.

Didn't you text me that you, you said like you felt bad that you knocked Jewish diners or something? No, we were knocking the garbage plate. Yes. The last time we were on a pot. Oh, yeah. And then we went out and ordered the garbage plate. We just ordered eight different things and ate them separately.

But it was basically a garbage plate on eight plates. But that feels a little more dignified. It was better. It's like getting drunk on wine versus getting drunk on sangria. Mmm. You know? Interesting. You're still drinking wine.

But it just feels a little, I don't know. It's a little shittier because there's sugar in there and plants. Yeah. When you dump it all in together, it's just a lot. Yeah, I agree. I don't get sangria. I that's like a a mom thing like moms are out you know it's friday night you know the kids are at summer school or whatever for me it's like a it's like a kid drink because the hangover is just vicious vicious i had friends in college who would make that shit with like franzia and they'd make it so it would taste good but then like that next day you're like

even as a kid you're like jesus christ because what are you throwing in there like you know uh tequila some people have oh people do weird shit with that like look it up there's got to be there was hard liquor in sangria really not always but i didn't know that yeah i'd never get it never liked it no it's not like i'm gonna walk into a bar and be like what kind of sangria do you have that's not my go-to but i'm saying there's a time and a place. And I noticed every bar says sangria half off because they're trying to get rid of that shit. It sucks. They just make a concoction.

What the hell's in that stuff? Yeah, look it up. Which one? Just the regular sangria? Yeah, yeah. Sangria cocktail recipe. I know people throw weird shit in there. Yeah, I think they're just-

A lot of fruit. Yeah. The fruit, it's a summery drink. Sure. This one we need the bear juice. Two tablespoons of sugar. More sugar? We got all that wine? Bottle of red wine. Brandy. That's what it is.

Yeah, but people do different... I think they do like... What's the thing that goes in a Long Island iced tea? Everything. Everything. I know, but it starts with a T. I'm fucking... Tequila. No. Tonic. Interesting. Everything. I know, but it starts with a T. I'm fucking Tequila. No. Tonic. Interesting little fact. Sangria in Espanol means blood.

Mmm. Nice, good drink for a gay vampire. Gay Dracula. Damn it. Ah, shit. Blood. Wow, that is not appetizing. What's the difference between Dracula and a vampire? Is just Dracula's a vampire. He's just a vampire that, he's the difference between Dracula and a vampire? Is just Dracula is a vampire. He's just a vampire that he's the famous vampire.

Yeah. Yeah. Is there an unfamous vampire? Is there like Ralph? Infamous, maybe. Maybe, but all you know is Dracula. It's a whole species of just one guy. Wasn't the whole thing in the books,

he had the hair on his hands and that many jacked off a lot? What? Yeah. You did this, right? I said that. That was good. I never heard that. Dracula's got hairy hands because he wanks it a lot.

What does one have to do with the other? I don't know. I wank it a lot. I think it was supposed to be symbolism or something. I have no idea. Look it up. I've heard you go blind. I've heard that one.

Never heard about the hairy hand. Mark, where are you? No. Wait, what? Oh. I was trying to yes and you. I just got it. Sorry.

Man, you ever see blind people in New York? You're like, wow, you're like on the hardest blind level. Yeah. You're in Manhattan blind. Are you fucking nuts? You got to get on a train? You got to watch out for city bikes? You got this homeless?

That's insane. There's a lot. Why did Dracula have hairy palms? Evidence of Dracula's embodiment of the Victorian homosexual male and masturbator and found in two separate passages Dracula is the Victorian masturbator. Fascinating. I was right.

And he's gay. Gay Dracula. Yeah. Wow. You talk to gay comics and they all will mention every villain in Disney and all that is gay and it's weird when you see a lot of them they were they were a lot of effeminate villains yes yes because and they'd be like the big brawny you know tough good guy and then the villain would be like well talk to me batman what do you exactly you know it's always like that yeah he-man was

the only time where the hero was super gay i mean who's who's gayer than He-Man? Robin's pretty gay. Robin's up there, who I think came out as bi. He's bi. Yeah. Why bi? Well, because they have to ease people into it? I guess. Like, he fucks women, too.

Slow down. Yeah, yeah. Try explaining queer. It's like, I don't even know. Queer means you fuck trans as well. I'm looking it up. Is it? I don't think that's true. That's what I don't even know Queer means you fuck trans as well I'm looking it up I don't think that's true That's what I heard from gay Dracula

I don't know Queer I think is also It fucks men women and trans Oh god I thought you were going to say fucks men women and children I'm like wow that's pretty progressive there Yeah yeah That's open minded

Mean to be queer. Boy, your Google history is getting wacky today. I can't wait for your wife to have to borrow your computer. Matt, why are you asking all these questions about gay vampires? I can't believe you shaved, dude. I haven't seen you clean shaven in so long. Yeah, I don't know. What did it end?

You were sick of grooming the mustache or what? It was just ready for a change and boom, that was the change. It works. It's really weird. It's kind of cool that men can do that. Yeah. Women can't. I guess bangs or a ponytail or something.

But change your whole face. Change your face. My phone didn't recognize me i tried to whoa yeah you know what's crazy about the facial recognition it works when i have sunglasses on isn't that weird i'm like don't you need my eyeballs but i guess not maybe it's like just shape i think it's shape yeah it's interesting you know what you look like right now you look like you're in like a fugitive type movie and you're like on the low and you just you change something drastic it doesn't look it looks like matt hiding not matt all right yeah something's up you're in a witness protection

witness protection at a certain point at a certain age it sounds fun oh yeah you know because you're like you know i guess it depends on your life but at a certain point you're like man it'd be fucking fun to start over. New friends. I could try a different personality. There's too much out there in me now. That's true. You go live in Boca.

You're a new guy. Yeah, you could just start a whole new life and choose it. How many witness protection people? I wonder what the percentages that go to Florida. Oh, it's got to be. Do they get to choose the state? 80%. Just make it somewhere warm.

It's always warm. Is it always warm? No, they say goodfellas. He's like, just talk to the guy, tell him somewhere warm. I wonder, do they get input on that? I don't think they want to give away where the witnesses are. That would be too easy. Well, he's got to be out there.

I don't know. Maybe. I bet Florida and Arizona are big ones. I bet they're number one, one and two. Although if you were hiding for your life, you can't go to those places. Wouldn't you go somewhere like Nebraska or somewhere further off the grid? Now, that's a movie. The mob guy, the New York mob guy goes to Nebraska and everything's slow,

and he's like, I can't get a fucking slice around here. Maybe this time he gets busted because he's on Tinder. Maybe that's how they get him. I used to whack people. I whacked them up. My palms are hairy. Now I'm a gay Dracula. Look at me. Man, the mob.

They have the pinnacle of life. They're getting women and booze and money and all this and then they always fall. It can't last. Yeah, it's weird. Like, I was just reading an article about this mobster who his son, he tweeted a picture of the dad in Florida, and it gave away his location. So he went to prison.

Whoa. And then it mentioned, like, the crime family, and everyone in the crime family was, like, in the 80s, and you're're kind of like how scary is that dude exactly make it that long right each year you survive as a gangster is like another 10 street cred oh yeah because like your own people want to kill you the other gang wants to kill you the fbi wants to kill you the cops want to kill you it's not easy i was just listening to sam harris on my way here and uh someone asked him a question about a guy who was arrested in Germany for crimes against humanity against the Jews. He's 100 years old. Wow. And they're like, is it important to prosecute this guy,

or is he no longer a threat to society? Well, he's not a threat, but you got to pay for your sins there, pops. God, bad people live for so long. 100 years old. 100 years old. Wouldn't you like to just kick him once as a Jewish guy? I know he's old, but just like, alright, we're even. That's the punishment. You gotta put him in one of those

old school friend show. Gauntlet. Yeah, gauntlet. And everyone walks by and goes and that way he just dies of COVID. That's how you get him. He's like, juice spit! It's burning. That would be funny if it burned that would be great but ellie was hell is dead this guy's fucking a hundred it's a good point it's a good point maybe torturing people is good for you i mean i don't know i'm just trying

to figure out why they live so long it's got anti-aging properties in it some doctors like look i don't like bringing this info in here, but salmon and just beating the shit out of people is really good for your skin. I know. It's got antibodies. Bad people. You think about that.

If you're like a dad who walks out on your family, you've got to be aging well. Of course. It's a lesser responsibility. Exactly. If you're a deadbeat, you're probably doing all right.

Definitely. That's why they leave. Going out for a pack of smokes. Why do we call them deadbeats we should call them live beats all right guys all right mark it i'll tell you count it you're all right you're all right good crowd what a crowd what a night what a bullshit artist all right you got to watch this dangerfield clip of him. He's doing a set for Ronald Reagan and George Bush Sr. Yeah, pull it up, dude.

The amount of jokes he rattles off. Wow. Pull it up. Can we plug this in? The amount of jokes he rattles off in like three minutes is the crazy. It's like 400 jokes. Is it the correspondence thing? I don't know.

It's not a correspondence thing, I don't think. Or the inauguration? I don't know what it is, but it's like... Is this the thing? No. Because there's another clip of Rickles at the correspondence. Put in Reagan, yeah. And he is killing.

And it's like the worst setup ever for a comedian, and he pulls it out. This is one we could tell... Here we go. Oh, I've seen this. You've seen this? This is great, yeah. Just put it on the beginning. Or cut to a couple, like 40 seconds in when he gets momentum.

Reagan was pretty funny, I gotta say. He's already funny. Come on! That's already two. Nancy Reagan's a fucking drip. She's a wet blanket. The last time my wife drove the car, she cracked it up and into a tree. Tell me it wasn't her fault. She blew the horn. She's a wet blanket. I know. He's waiting for that applause.

Oh, there's Senior. How did we all miss that joke? And these are clean. Yeah. Yeah! Is that the haymaker? What a combo. You can edit that there That's great

That's like a master class Because it's like He doesn't even give him a second That's like That's like Tyson in his prime He's like Yes Yes

Just rattling Rattling Rattling It's like a speed bag Look up the Rickles one That would be great though Inauguration That would be great

If he just went filthy in there All of a sudden He's like I'll tell you I can't get a pair of tits these years got a hooker in my room the other night

she wouldn't fuck me what the hell she blew the horn and the chauffeur he just gets serious he's like but seriously my wife is cheating on me I'm very unhappy

I'll tell you they're still laughing my wife pecked me all wrong I'm still bleeding that's not the inauguration I'll tell you, they're still laughing. I'll tell you, my wife pegged me all wrong. I'm still bleeding. That's not the inauguration. It's the, oh, maybe it is. Maybe it is. It's a round stage.

It's like a hell gig. But he pulls it out. It's so impressive. It's one of the hardest. I hope he pulls it out. He was pegging me for weeks, I'll tell you. Roast Ronald Reagan, second inauguration? No, I don't think it's a roast.

Maybe, maybe. I don't know, shit. This sure looks like it's it. Is that round? I don't think it's a roast. Maybe, maybe. I don't know, shit. This sure looks like it's it. Is that round? That's it, that's a round, yeah. Maybe that is it. I think it's it. If it's not, we'll go there.

Oh, yeah, yeah, this is it. Emmanuel Lewis? This kid's probably 41 right here. He had that disease. He was a man who was so democratic, he picks on everybody equally, even a little kid like me. Aw, that got nothing.

He thought that was gonna get a laugh. See how hard it is, Pipsquake? Alright, now Rickles, he's just shitting blood right now. I guarantee, like, oh, fuck, this is a tough gig. No opener. No host. To warm him up. This kid was the opener.

Be funny. Oh! Now this kid was the opener. Be funny. Oh! Now this is off the cuff. Yeah, but he's already funny too. I know, he's great. Both from Queens, by the way. First black kid I ever saw that'll definitely never play basketball. Oh!

Wow. Come on! Come on, out of the gate. 40 million stars. I get a little kid out here, doesn't know what time it is, and brings me out. You're standing here with the band with the same cockamamie music. Try to learn that the president's here.

Here's a big shot for me. Last night we had Bush. Well, I'll tell you this. He was great. Did you see him and the wife after the show? He was in the lobby going, nobody knows me. I gave him a cookie. He went away. This is a horrible gig. Why are you talking to me? Pause it. A horrible gig. I became president when I was governor. I couldn't get in touch with him. I had a cousin. I did three months in a county jail. Why are you talking to me?

Pause it. This is how hard comedy is. He's going all off the cuff. There's a bazillion people in there. The president's in there. And he's trying his hardest to be funny. So he's talking to the producer. Well, this is the hard thing when you do what Rickles did, which is really off the cuff. I mean, sure, he had lines, but this is crazy.

It's an anxiety attack. You're like, is he going to come up with something? I feel for the guy. Oh, you did that MTV gig. Oh, biggest bomb of my life. 5,000 people. That's not true. I bombed in Wichita in front of Schumer and 20,000 people.

But yeah, that was the bomb of the year. It's so tough. It's tough. You do a hell gig sometimes, that was the bomb of the year. It's so tough. It's tough. You do a hell gig sometimes and there is no chance. No. Usually you know, but there is that ego that we all have where like, no one's done well, but I can turn it around. And then you go up there and you're like, oh, I can't.

No, no. Humbling moment. Yeah, and we're writers. This guy, I mean, he obviously has jokes in his back pocket, but he's such a fucking beast that he's like, I'll figure it out. I'll figure it out up there. I'll make it work.

I'll talk to this guy. I'll fuck with the kid. That is so impressive to just go no net like that. Well, it's insane. Yeah, I mean, the balls. It is no net. No net. And he gets it.

I mean, in like two minutes, he's getting huge applause, and he gets it I mean In like two minutes He's getting huge applause And he pulls it out People don't realize How hard that is Fast forward a little To where he's killing Like the Rodney thing

He has the He's got a rapid fire Which is way safer And also great But like He had to write those Not I mean

The pace he went Not stumbling at all Amazing Just I mean He must have run the hell out of that. And also Rodney in the bow tie. It all just works, man.

Yes! The whole entity is funny. It's not just the words. Jay Leno said there's two kinds of comics. There's the comic who says funny things and the comic who says things funny. Rodney is both. Yeah.

And that's rare. And shoot Webster you can see he's got his confidence back have a bucket of beluga. Anyway, uh... Anyway... Secretary of State's here. And Billy Graham, nice to see you, sir. This hand is bothering me.

Ah! That's great. He's rolling! It could have been a picture if I talked to this guy. It's great, though. I make fun of the president. Why not?

I make fun of everybody. That's America. Laughing, Charlton Heston. I'm a guy. It's great, though. I make fun of the president. Why not? I make fun of everybody. You know what? That's America. Laughing, Charlton Heston. I'm a friend. It's over. If you were Moses, I was a Mau Mau fighter pilot. It's over.

It's over. Elizabeth Taylor was backstage in a Cleopatra outfit killing snakes. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. Man. And Tom Selleck was under the shower going, look at this, the water runs up. I'll tell you this. Is this too fast, Ronnie?

Is this too fast, Ronnie? Why'd you call the president Ronnie? Where does he say he makes fun of me? Where does it say that? It's only a joke, Mrs. Reagan. It works because Reagan's laughing too, though. Yes. If you get a guy who's a bad sport, like if you had Trump in that room, he's not.

Trump on his own. I mean, do you ever see the clip of Artie Lang talking about roasting Trump? And I think he's talking about seth myers and he's he says like you know uh trump you know he comes into howard stern they're talking and and trump was like this guy had the the set of the night he was the funniest guy in the show and then arty retells one of the jokes about i think the joke was something about like you know uh i forgot it was some joke about avon avanka and the second he retells it trump goes he bombed he just bombed he had nothing what a dick so it's like he couldn't take like once

he remembered that he mocked him right right you know he he lied and said he bombed yeah that's fucked up that's such a kid move you're like an eight-year-old. Yeah. Man. Yeah, we don't have to pull it up because there's a lot of clips, but there's a Trump video where I can't remember who is roasting him at the Correspondents Dinner, but he is stone-faced. It's Obama. Is it Obama? Yeah. And people say that this is the moment where Trump decided to run for president.

Oh, wow. You know what's weird? 2011 White House Correspondents. Was this around when he was pulling the birther thing you know what's interesting too is like um there was a time where like this was fair game like we were not this divided back then no you see something like this it was much more now if you just went up there and like playfully roasted someone on either side the other side would just call you like a cuck yes they'd say

you're like you know a sellout you're part of the system back then it was like an honor yeah but now with twitter you would just be torn to shreds you're right like michelle wolf tore apart both sides but people knew she skewed left so she was torn apart by fox news you know they were like they were like she's the enemy You know, even though she really did go after both sides. She did, yeah. She made fun of, what's her face's eye makeup? The smoky eye. Huckabee. Huckabee, yeah. So you remember the

Norm, when he roasted Saget? Yes. And it was sort of like all those 1940s jokes. Anti-comedy. Anti-comedy. So I heard Saget talking about that after he passed. And he said the reason he did that was because he respected me and loved me so much. He was like, I don't want to say bad things about my friend.

Right, right. So he was like, and you can't get up here and not say bad things. So he went the other way. He got jokes on the 1940s. He also said in the room, it died. He's like, everybody high-fived me after they said that was my favorite thing. And he's like, it bombed hard in the room which i believe i mean he's saying like you got a head like a flower cauliflower and the audience is like what the fuck's going on you know but it was legendary later doing i mean comics are like oh you're we know comics know how funny he is so

they know he's burning a hole yeah but yeah audience is like what it's weird it's like it is you we all had those friends early on when you're doing like late night sets and you just decide i remember joe mackie and i were like early on we were at the comic strip late one night and this guy glenn coyle who like passed away a few years ago really funny guy he would do that he would literally just stick around and try to make us laugh like when the crowd was horrible one night he just stick around and try to make us laugh. Like when the crowd was horrible one night, he just went on and it was Mother's Day. And he goes, I'd love to tell jokes, but my mom just recently passed away and he fake cried for five minutes on stage. We were howling in the back. The crowd was like, what the fuck is going on?

But he did that for us. And Norm did that for the comic. Right, right. That's fucking wild. Some comics just have that in them where they're like, I Norm did that for the comics. Right, right. That's fucking wild. Some comics just have that in them where they're like, I'm doing this for you guys. You don't care. That's what it is.

You care so little, which is weird because of how desperate we all are. Yes. We're all so desperate for laughs. You can see it in Mark and my comedy. We need a laugh pretty quickly, right? We do a lot of punchlines. And there are some people who go up there and they're like, I'll get it when I get it.

I don't give a shit. And it's rare that great comics have that. So when great comics have that, you're like, holy shit. Yes, it's even more fun to watch because you're blown away. That's a great point. Yeah, so true. We're just trying to survive up there and they're like i'll be good yeah i don't have that yeah i'm more like rodney

where i'm like just because i'm i've been secure you definitely have rodney influence oh yeah it's interesting i mean i definitely i'll do stories sometimes but it is very painful for me to to work to like write them, to figure them out. Oh, sure. Matt, you watch me bomb a lot on roofs. That's painful, man. Oh, yeah. That doesn't feel good.

No, but I'm glad it doesn't feel good because I don't want everybody doing it. But you're a funny storyteller when you're not on stage. Is there a difference for you, trying to sell that same story to a crowd? Sure. I mean, with you, if I'm telling you a story, you like me, to sell that same story to a crowd? Sure. I mean, with you, if I'm telling you a story, you like me. So you want the story to succeed. I could be telling this to a room full of strangers who are like, what?

Wait, you like him? Enough for a story. Stories are tough. Don't you have a guy who comes up and he goes, I got a great story for you. And you go, ah. It's because it's not. And also, you just built it up. That too. That's the death oh maybe i got something i gotta tell you i got a great story i got a hilarious one for you oh it's okay well now you just raised the bar yep yep i like i like

this how i like to do it if i'm on stage and i got a new bit even though i think it's pretty good i'll go hey uh can i try one out here and they're just like oh it's gonna suck and then if it's good they're like holy shit it sucks or like he told us it would suck right yeah I gotta move like that too I go uh this this is where I'll lose half you but fuck it we're at a strip mall in Albany and that always hits just because I'm in Albany they're like we are in Albany you know they go nuts when you mention where they are for some reason I do it during sex I go this might be terrible but let me try some shit out here. Yeah.

What do you got on a peeve? Peeve? Okay, I got one. This is an old school one for me. It bothers me. Me and Vitor were doing it all week. I used to know a guy who would always go, hey, buddy.

That buddy, it just, it's tough. It's a tough one. No, I don't like it. I'm going to go ahead and say the word buddy altogether. When are you called buddy with sincerity? Buddy's tough. Even when I text it like, thanks, buddy. I'm like, eh, it feels weird.

Bud is a little better. Buddy, you're going two syllables. It's kind of kiddy. It's a little childlike. It's like saying, he's my best friend. You're like, all right, what do you hate? Come on. Little buddy's even worse.

Oh. Hey, little buddy. That's great for a veeter, though. He is a best friend. You're like, all right, what do you eat? Come on. Little Buddy's even worse. Oh. Hey, Little Buddy. That's great for a veeter, though. He is a little buddy. He's my little buddy. Or, hey, Buddy. Yeah, Buddy, just the way he said it. So we just do that voice all weekend.

Oh, yeah. Hey, Buddy. And it does sound like he's fucking with you. Hey, Buddy, give know your lunch money or something let's swap some insurance buddy oh are we friends yeah it's like when a foreign guy goes my friend my friend you're like we've never met stop calling me your friend yeah if you have to say it is it true yeah exactly yeah i've we've seen those i've seen the drunk guy you definitely see the the you know in those corner stores and the drunk guy and he goes please my friend you're like that's that guy's trying to fight you right right you're

trying to trick him with the friend thing yeah my friend my brother buddy yeah it's all too it's too much of a leap pal yeah we don't even know each other man dude or kind of the safe ones i don't mind man and dude yeah i don't mind those bro is fine i'm fine'm fine with bro. Seinfeld says dude, which is weird because he's so older. He's so much older than us. It's weird that he's like, what's up, dude? Whoa, you are a child. Oh my god. That's crazy. I know. Isn't that wild? He texts it like, oh, that

dude's great. I'm like, whoa, what are you, a surfer? Oh my god. I know. He's a kid. What are we going to talk like when we're old? Probably the same exact way. Queef and gay dracula and pegging i know you know the movie comedian backwards and forwards oh yeah remember that scene where um he's on the beach in like uh yes a wetsuit in a wetsuit and he's hugging the wife and she slaps his ass yeah yeah he's like jumping for joy He's a kid, we're all kids You know

That sounds like one of Michael Jackson's defense We're all kids We're all kids on the inside And I was inside of him Sorry I was listening to the director's commentary on that scene I was like this is so strange It's unlike every other scene

It's also the only scene that's not in a nightclub Right And you see the camera sort of going Pulling away because it's unlike every other scene. It's also the only scene that's not in a nightclub. Right. And you see the camera sort of going, pulling away, and they interviewed the camera guy, and he said, I felt embarrassed to see something so intimate. Ooh. And he sort of just starts panning away.

Yeah, it is weird seeing that. But hey, he fucking edited it. It's real, too true it's not a movie right it's gotta be weird like doing a sex scene a movie even if it's tasteful you're like well i'm still naked in a bed with a stranger i don't get it watching i couldn't do it you for a second you had some pretty revealing intimate moments in your documentary that came out did i that's true yes i did yeah. That's rare. Yeah, you know. Most people aren't filming themselves.

Most people, if they're posting stuff that's intimate, it's like under their control on like Instagram. You were filming me, so it wasn't really like my... Yeah. I didn't really have control. And the comments reflected that. I don't know if you read a lot of the comments. They did, yeah. Did they? Well, we rarely get sincere and vulnerable, so when it happens, it pops, you know?

Yeah. Well, that's how it should be. It means more. Yeah, totally. You don't want to, because some comics waste those moments, and they overuse them, and then it becomes not fun.

Guys, I had to share this with you. Exactly. I just booked an audition, and you're like, all right, let me gather everyone around. Let's take you out to dinner. You booked an audition. I know. Act like, like i really killed tonight it meant the world to me act like you've been there you really killed tonight you're a comedian you're supposed to

be killing some nights of the type i have to share with the world ah geez blow me get out of here the sex scene though i couldn't do i had to make out with a girl once in a like a college movie whatever your film student thing. And she pulled me in by my tie, and she was like the boss, and I was the employee, the intern, and she was flirting with me. And I was rock hard. Really? I couldn't believe it.

She was so hot, and she was such a great actor that she was like, come here, big boy. And I was like, I totally blew the scene and my pants. But I don't know how people do it. I mean, we did like four takes and they're like, you got to get it together.

I was like, all right, I can't. She was so hot. You have to get it. Dude, what the hell? I was such a, I'm a horrible actor and I couldn't. That's a great excuse.

You rock. You jizz in your pants. You're like, I'm sorry. I'm not a good actor. I'm fucking, sorry I'm covered in jizz here. Yeah. It doesn't work with the lady. I'm like, sorry, I'm a I'm not a good actor Sorry I'm covered in jizz here Yeah It doesn't work with the lady

I'm like sorry I'm a bad actor I'm a bad actor But I mean this girl she was so good at it I was like 19 I was a mess Damn I still think about that We didn't even touch

You were at a horny age too Yeah and she was probably like 25 So I thought she was like a woman. Ah, the whole thing was hot. There's a great scene on Entourage when Johnny Drama books apart playing the brother of Brooke Shields. And he talks about how he always had a crush on her. And he has a hugging scene with her, and he gets hard. And she's furious.

But I got to imagine, like, if you're on a sex scene, that must happen. Of course. You probably have to jack off before. Yeah. I know a couple guys. That's got to be weird. They're calling you to set. Give me a minute.

I'm in the trailer. The trailer's shaking. Take five. Why are your palms hairy? All right. Gay Dracula. Take one. But actors are always telling you we know a couple actors they all go to film or actor classes and acting classes and they all say like if you want

to hook up with a girl you do a kissing scene with her and then you're in like they go home later and they went to practice and it's over yeah yeah yeah i remember i did an acting class once and that happened oh there you go yeah the whole scene was like I was like a loser who was like trying to hook up with her and it wasn't working I think like the last line was like, look, do you want to get out of here or not? And everyone was like, God, this guy's pathetic But then we ended up like, you know, I think we were at a bar and I was like, look, do you want to get out of here or not? Right You know

But it's pretty hot You know, the girl's like, that wasn't great. Passionate enough. We have to do it again. And you're like, you know. You purposely fail the first one. Exactly. Exactly. But, man, that one gal. CEO.

Woo! Yeah. See you later. The one that got away. Yeah. I still think about her. We're friends on Facebook. I like everything she does.

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in a green room a couple weeks ago and i wrote it down immediately the guy who's trying to be a part of it too much so this woman comes in i got an opener he brings like a his wife and a friend and i'm like trying to be nice i'm like oh we're in the green room so uh what's fun to do around here and she's like oh you got to go to this amusement park and the guy the other guy is sitting there going oh it's on uh nicholson and park. And the other guy is sitting there going, oh, it's on Nicholson in Columbus. I'll take you there. And you're like, all right, dude, I'm just trying to chat with her. But he keeps chiming in with information.

He's nervous. He's nervous, and he wants to be a part of it. And I'm like, OK, I don't need the address, man. I have Google. I'll find it. But the guy who just keeps trying to get in. And I remember, I'm not going to say who, one time we were at the Cellar. And a big, famous comic was talking, and we were nobodies,

and we're sitting there, and he's going, what's the name of that movie? And this guy, the guy we know, is going, Forrest Gump, Satan Pryde Ryan, Ghostbusters. And we're like, shut up, let him just think of it. But he wanted the other guy to go, that's it, thank you, and bring him in. And he was doing this.

We're all so desperate for approval man ah it was killing me i'm like i'm just trying to small talk with this lady i'll never see again now i got to appease you and go oh thank you oh yeah yeah so now it's back to him so it was just driving me crazy all night yeah i know it's tough because it's like clearly he just has social anxiety right he's like which i get nervous. He's got her in there. Right. And she's maybe she's inappropriate. You know, you have the comic where there's a girlfriend who gets drunk sometimes.

Yes. And they're just like, right. She just blurs out, his cock doesn't work. And you're like, oh, Jesus. That's why he's trying to cut her off all the time. Yeah. And I want to be nice and I want to bring everybody in, but it was just getting real annoying. Yeah. And I want to be nice and I want to bring everybody in, but it was just getting real annoying. Yeah.

So that was my peeve. The guy who has to keep chiming just because he wants you to go, thank you. That's it. We got it. I thought you were going another way with this. I thought you were going to say, because we all know those people back on Facebook who used to do the thing like, you know, party tonight. Who's coming? Like that shit.

Like they're inviting people in that status. That is weird. Where people are like, I want to see this new movie. Who wants to go with me? And I'm like, you're opening the floor to anyone? That's insane. I tried to write a bit about that. That is insane.

Really? Yeah, because you got 5,000 friends on here. You're okay with any of them going to this movie with you? Oh my God. Throw a few texts out there. What do you think? I know. Even worse when they do that and no one responds.

And you're like, you just died on your, like, what the hell? Wow. Talk about lonely, man. That's got to hurt. Whew. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we have a thing where, you know, I guess as comics, we're like, we can hang out

with about eight people that we like, and that's it. Oh, it gets tough. The bigger the group, the worse the hang, you know? Definitely. At a certain point. Like, once you get four or five, that's fine. But then bigger than that, it oh it gets tough the bigger the group the worse the hang you know definitely at a certain point like once you have four or five that's fine but then bigger than that it's it's tough it's tough you're right yeah is that is that us or is that just a fact i think that the the quality of the hang becomes watered down because like you spend we spend time we all know each other well it's kind of easier but then the more people that come you're like kind of you're almost like dumbing down the hang. To include more people.

That's why I kind of like just doing two-person shows on the road because it's just me and a really close friend. Yes. And not a stranger. Even if they're cool, it's like, well, it's still a different hang. Yeah. I've said it before, but the guy who asked for the guest set, he's like, what, I can't do five minutes?

I'm like, no, it's the fact you're going to be in the green room for five hours. Now I got to hang out with you. It's not just five minutes on stage. If you did five minutes on stage and went home and killed yourself, that would be great. But then there's those comics that go the other way and they just steer clear of the green room. And you're like, well, you can come in. Well, that's true. I prefer that guy.

Yeah. I like the guy who's like, they don't want me in there. I like that guy. That makes me like you more. Because you're worried about it, at least. The other guy was like so cocky. He was like, of course't want me in there i like that guy that makes me like you more because you're worried about it at least the other guy was like so cocky who's like of course they want me in there that guy i'm like well we're already doing push-ups in there shadow boxing exactly too much he's doing like somersaults and karate moves you're like fuck this is oh yeah eight by ten room right here Yeah man That's tough

That's my rec for this weekend Speaking of pushups and somersaults Every morning We're getting older You're 68, you're 35 You got a horrible neck Stretch First thing you do in bed

This is a healthy episode You're recommending stretching That's right. In bed. You don't even get out of bed yet. You wake up. The sun is shining. You go like this. Can you see that, Peters? You point the toes

towards the face just to get the legs stretched. Then you get out of bed. That's my rec. Interesting. And then I do 20 of these. Touch the toes while standing i'm not trying to get full jack lelaine on you but i'm just saying it it helps it gets the blood flowing that's it that's good stretching's a good wreck we don't do it enough and you realize like a certain point your body gets stiff and uh sometimes on a movie set. And you get tight.

I'm with you, man. I need a stretch more. Every now and then, just touch those toes, and it goes a long way. Do you stretch? No, this guy doesn't stretch. You used to play baseball. Yeah, when I played sports, I stretched,

but not since baseball. I know. My girl can touch her head up to the ceiling, I mean, her foot up to the ceiling I mean her foot up to the ceiling and do a full split and I if I tried to do a split I would tear something but if we did it every day we could do a split eventually yeah probably but I'm it's I'm a long way away it's hard when you don't see the the goal anywhere yes anywhere soon you're just like ah fuck it's like when you have a ton of shit to do in one day and you're like I'm gonna do none yes that's so true you know that's kind of how i feel about it but you're right i gotta i gotta get into stretching it's a it's funny that that's your record i have a very kind of uh self-helpy

wreck myself okay okay help me classical music oh it is good for anxiety you throw some fucking chopin chopin whatever yeah you throw some of that it's the mozart effect they call it right you throw some you throw some classical music on it is it reduces anxiety it alleviates your stress you walk around it's good to do while you're doing other stuff yeah also i can still think of jokes while i'm doing that yes yes it's instrumental it's not there's no lyrics yeah and it still holds up it still holds up They wrote this shit in 16-whatever And it's still great Unbelievable

And also it's funny to think that that was like the Bieber of its day It was hip Isn't that wild? Mozart was hip Now you see he's got the weird powdery wig And the tights and everything But he was like Elvis Crazy

It's like Drake Put on that new Mozart But Mozart was like a musical genius Genius And it's like drake put on that new mozart but mozart was like a musical genius genius and bieber's just kind of like i mean also like our appetite is trash not oh yeah like he started this incredible movement you know musically and now this is where it goes i know because seedy motherfuckers start running music and seeing what sells and goodness necessarily doesn't sell you know yeah and also i think mozart was like the it was for the elite you know it was like the rich people came out and saw it sure and like yeah it was the intellectuals and now the beavers for the

uh the dumb like teen tweens well teens decide what's yeah what's sells and what's good and no one has worse taste than teenagers. You got that right. They're like, well, you have to gear this for the people with the worst taste. Yep. So if you're a great musician with depth who's talking about real shit, people are like, what? No, no. But if you're just talking about like, I have crush on a boy, they're like, this is fucking gold.

Yes. The same shit we've heard every year for the last 40 years. Right. Book it. You know who wasn't playing a classical was Epstein. He had to play to his market. He was playing that Ariana Grande bullshit. Yeah.

He's so fine. I'm going to make him mine. It's the worst shit on earth. It's fucking bad. They buy shit we don't. Yeah. We buy booze, coffee, and diner food.

And you know what? If they put one of her songs in a booze ad, I'm still buying the booze. That's true. Because then you can drown that shit out with the whiskey. Alcohol is great. Now that we're not drinking, I kind of want some. I would love to put a splash in this pole bar right there.

I know. That Angel's Envy is calling my name. Yeah? Oh, yeah. Angel's envy was good. That was like the one week we said we weren't going to drink, and we drank. We had a little shot. Those mojitos were fucking dynamite, too.

They were fucking good. Wait, what else do we do? Wreck, peeve? Bit. I think I had another wreck. Hold on Wreck, peeve? Bit. Bit. I think I had another wreck. Hold on. Give me another.

Oh, I got another wreck. Oh, I got one. I don't know if this applies to you. I think maybe you and me and Matt wash your hair less. Why wouldn't this apply to me? Well, you got such a Brillo pad that I feel like you don't need to wash it. Like, Matt, he's got flowy, straight hair. It's flowy, dude. Yeah.

You're like Richard Spencer in his prime. I'm going to punch you. Before shit went on bad time for that guy. Yeah, he did have a great head of hair, that Nazi. Yeah. A lot of Nazis had good hair. You got it. I mean, you can't say you're the superior race

without having some good... It's a good point. It's a good point. You can't be Aryan and pure if've got a real horseshoe up there. But, yeah, wash your hair less. I think the hair's got a lot of good stuff in it, and we're washing it out. That's all I'm saying. Less washing.

Less hair washing. I try to do it less. It's tough. You're just in there, and you're like, I'm so used to this. I know. And it feels good. You get that tingle. Love a tingle.

I always say the head. You ever go to a salon and they do the head wash? Love the head wash. Oh, my God. They get in there and you're like, this is like. That's better than a happy ending. It's sexual. It's so sexual.

And the fingers. Oh, and that tingle. And the water is just the right temp And you kind of black out For a minute And that ginger hits you And that eucalyptus Woo

You're like leaning back In that sink It's like in a dream state Oh I want to die that way You know what really hurt Haircuts for me Is the movie

Eastern Promises Oh Vigo That first scene Where the guy just gets His throat slit What Just opens with the guy

In the chair And he's like. Pull it up. I mean, obviously, if you haven't seen, that one's bad. You haven't seen that Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd. That whole movie is just getting your throat. But that one's so like, it's like over the top. Right. Musical, yeah, yeah.

But every time that barber puts that razor in, we all think it. We all think, he could kill me right now. He could totally kill me. I've had my ear nicked a few times by that thing. Yeah, yeah. Oh, there it is. Oh, yeah. Anyone else hard?

That's crazy that they can put that on YouTube, but you can't put nipples. You can't put a woman's chest, but you can just. Isn't that crazy? That's hilarious. Tits are too. That's too private. But then you put a woman's chest. Isn't that crazy? That's hilarious. Tits are too private. But then you have a guy. Yeah. We don't need that.

This is sadder than this throat slit. Don't look at that. The norm. Don't look at this. All right. What do you got on a bit here? I got shit. I got one I can't crack.

Hit me. It's kind of a two-parter. It bit here? I got shit. I got one I can't crack. Hit me. It's kind of a two-parter. It just doesn't do well enough. I know it's missing something. Matt's probably heard me try it. All right. So first part, it's like a two-part trans thing where I say, the first part does well.

This part hits where I say, you know, I was talking to a guy and he goes, trans people, I totally support it, you know, I'll play along. And I was like, I don't think that's what they're going for. I don't think they're, you know i'll play along and i was like i don't think that's what they're going for i don't think they're you know i don't think they're like oh cool he called me a woman and then winked at me that was that was nice um but so that hits but the next part that doesn't really hit is um like i get what it's like being born in the wrong body uh as a man with this voice you know like as a man with this

i see guys who are shredded i'm like that's who i really am right right that's how i identify you know i see a guy with a lot of plates i'm like that's me you know and then i have a whole thing about like i'll respect what gender you are i tell you why where i draw the line it's guys who um i met a guy in florida and he goes call me captain steve and i was like are you a real captain and he said well not technically i was like well i'm not i'll give you gender you don't get to skip a rank that's my right right you know what i mean like that so that's that gets kind of a laugh but it needs more and then and then i kind of this is the angle i've been working which just isn't enough where i say there was no struggle that you went through to become a captain you

just go like at least changing genders that's like that's a tough thing to do yeah whereas transitioning is tough we're just saying you're a captain did like there's no seven-year-old who's like dad sit down um i'm not really a boy i'm actually the leader of a fleet and he's like get the fuck out of my house that just doesn't really hit yeah well there's something there there is something there i think captain you can take steps to get there and it's all mapped out for you there's no trans out of my house. That just doesn't really hit. There's something there. There is something there. I think Captain, you can take steps to get there and it's all mapped out for you. There's no trans map. You can't go like, I'm going to trans class.

You can't earn it. Hormone therapy though, right? That's something. I guess, but it's going to be hard and it's very wishy-washy. I don't know if it's going to work out. People are mad at me.

No one's ever like, there's a pilot, get him! You know, or a captain, you know? Like, a captain could still go to the south and, you know, walk into a restaurant. People walk up to you and shake your hands if you're a captain. Right. No trans person is giving me little wings or something. Well, my point is you've made your life harder if you're trans. Whereas if you're just saying you're a captain, you're trying to just get credit

for shit you didn't do. Like stolen valor. Stolen valor, something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It may not have a through line. Yeah, maybe not yet. I think there's something there with the captain thing.

Because you have to go lieutenant, da-da-da-da-da, sergeant, then captain, or whatever. Yeah, there's a chain of command. Yes, exactly. You don't work your way up. But then it sounds like I'm defending the captain. Well, I'm just saying there's a clear path with a captain. Trans is like, I was struggling.

I was confused. No one's like, am I a captain? You know what I mean? No one's like- I'm really a captain inside. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah.

The captain is, you work your way up. No one's like, all right, I'll go by and then I'll be queer. And you get these pins and then you make it to trans. I made it. You also have another job. What do you mean? No one's like a side captain. captain i was like this guy met like worked in a bar uh-huh and he goes i'm a captain i was like you're a bartender he's like i know you i let me see your i can say give me your tax return yeah that's true you're not a captain i'm trying to avoid the term cockpit

but yeah are we doing pilot or in captain that's where i'm confused it could be either I'm trying to avoid the term cockpit. But yeah. Are we doing pilot or captain? That's where I'm confused. It could be either. It could be either. Okay. I mean, you call a pilot your captain, don't you? Yeah, that's true.

All right. Just checking. I'm thinking military. That's why. But is that even a captain? Well, captain of a boat. That's what I thought you meant. Yeah, that's what I was-

Because you said Florida. Oh, captain of a boat. Okay. All right. Yeah. Yeah, there's no- Bisexuals aren. Because he's in Florida. Oh, Captain Oboe, okay. All right. Yeah. Yeah, there's no, bisexuals aren't like, oh, here comes a trans person. Like, there's no rank, you know? Bi or trans is just who you are.

You've got to become, you've got to change into who you are. Yeah. Captain is not really who you, it's not your identity. Right. You still go home to your family and do whatever. And you clock out. You don't clock out of trance. That's something. You're trans all the time.

Also, trans can still drink. Pilot can't drink. You're stuck on pilot. Oh, sorry. Pilot is funnier to me because you're flying a plane. Boat could be funny. I don't know. I feel like we've got to hammer down the job. a plane. Boat could be funny. I don't know. I feel like we've got to hammer down the job. I think it's boat.

And it's also one of those things where I like the thing that you can punch out. You can punch out of that. You're not... Telling your wife... Telling your captain doesn't change your relationship to people.

But anyone who owns a boat can claim captainship or whatever. You know, he probably owns a just a little cruiser boat. And he's like, I'm a captain. Now you have to call me Captain Steve. I got it. Whether you're getting a boat or a new gender, you got to name it. It's always a woman's day. You know, it's always like, you know, C word or something. Oh, my God. The S.S.C. Yeah's always like C-word or something.

Oh my god, the S-S-C-word? The S-S-S-E-A word. Exactly. If I was going to have a boat, that would be the name. I've been sitting on that. Hull. The oar.

Either way If you're a captain You're getting a new Trans You're getting a new name Yes And it might And

And your friends are like Some of your friends are like I accept you And the other ones are like I'm not calling you that Yeah And some of my friends I knew you before you were captain

Exactly And they won't get on board Alright I love all the elements Are here Of this joke. It's just not formed yet. No, it's like you have great ingredients and it just doesn't work.

No, I know. Well, we need to find the point. What is the point you're making? I think the point is that... The thing you said about you're not allowed to skip a rank. Yeah, you've skipped a rank. With trans, it's like boom, boom. But with... I don't it's like boom, boom. But with...

I don't think it is boom, boom. I mean, the Bruce Jenner doc, he's just like, whole life, he's like, I felt weird. Something was off. The transitioning, though. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Oh, the procedure. I got you. I got you.

Okay. Never mind. You can't get surgery and become a pilot. Or a boat captain. Sorry. But I think what Sam's point, I think the point of the joke is There's no struggle for Captain Steve to do this If you're an actual captain there's a struggle

But if you're just saying you're a captain Right It's like me saying I'm a basket It's like okay you're Captain Steve I'm Reverend Dr. Sam Morrell Comma point guard for the fucking Knicks There's no There's no consequences. You just want a cooler name.

Yeah. Cut your dick off, and I'll call you captain. How about that? But you... Oh, my God. Why? Well, because that's transitioning, right? The procedure.

I know it's a bad term. I could have used flowerier language, but you get my point. All right. Hey, you want to get in these waters? You got to... No, no, no. I respect the swings you're taking, man.

I'm trying. I'm spitballing here. The joke is clearly not good enough yet. So I think the point is that it is tougher to be trans than to just say you're fucking a captain. Right, right. You didn't even do the work. Like trans people, it's almost like if a trans person just showed up as a guy, like dressed like me with a five o'clock shadow and was like, yeah, I'm a woman.

And you're like, well, you got to do something. Yeah, yeah. You can't just show up and be like, like if Matt showed up with his mustache today and goes, I'm now Matonia. And I was like, I would respect it, but I'd say, could you get rid of the mustache? Could you put a little effort in, my friend? Right, right.

I'll play along, but you got to play along. I just said what I hate. Wow. I'm the worst. Well, that's not a good sign If you're saying No but I'm My point is like We both have a part in this

You gotta do your part Do your part You gotta earn the medal You gotta earn Captain you gotta earn Trans That's the point I'll crack that this weekend I'll figure that out That's at least the angle. I don't know it yet, but yeah, you got to, yeah.

Like, what did you do? Make an effort. Go to fucking H&M and buy a dress or two, for fuck's sake. Or else we could just do this all day. I'm a woman. I'm a man. I'm a woman. I'm a man.

Like, you got to make an effort. You're just going to be correcting people all the time. I respect that you were transitioning, but like, put in a little work, and then we're all like, yes, you're a woman. Yes, there you go. That's all I'm saying. This is getting a little Fox News-y. Is it?

Is it? You're saying you gotta have a uniform. Yeah. All right. If you're going through this change... What were you to tell me what my transition is supposed to look like? Ooh.

See, that's where it gets dicey. I'm a woman, and I want my mustache. But you can't expect me to know that you're a woman. This is a little Fox News-y. Okay. We're just trying to talk it out. No, that's the problem.

See, this is good that we're having... Yes, yes. It's getting hot in here. Where's that shot? Yeah. All right, well... No, you're right. That's not it yet.

That's not it. I, cause I'm, I think I'm taking the wrong angle here. I'm taking an angle. I don't necessarily believe in. Yeah. Well,

that's not going to work. And then if I do believe in it too much and it's not, it's more of a point and it's not funny enough. So, so maybe I have to shelf this one for a while. Well, wait, what was the original thing that got a laugh in the way beginning of the

bit? The thing was, he goes, I'll play along, which is what I just said, which is hilarious. Okay, okay. He goes, I'll play along. And it's like, it's not what they're going for. You got to kind of accept it.

You're not playing along. It's not a play. It's their life. That's the joke. I think there's more there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like, it's not an eight-year-old with a fireman cap on and going, oh, you saved us.

You put the fire out. No, this is a lifestyle. It's an identity. Yeah. You know? That's the joke. Uh-huh. Sticking with that out. No, this is a lifestyle. It's an identity. Yeah. That's the joke. Sticking with that. I'll be back. Sorry for that long fucking detour. I feel like a captain. The long fucking

trip I took us where we went nowhere. We hit an iceberg. I think there's a real beauty in what you guys are talking about here because the foil of your joke is this jerk who's like, I'll play along. But the truth is that's me too. Of course. It's coming from your brain. Well, that's why I think it gets a laugh

is because we identify with that person. We also identify with the trans person. We identify with both sides. Right, and it's both sides of your joke brain working against or with each other. But that's human. And I think that's a beautiful thing that you guys can do publicly

and talk these things out. This is a conversation. You hope. You hope. Yeah. There's people who just want to shut it down, but it's better to talk. The discussing is going away. I do want to be called Reverend Doctor from now on if that's okay. Point guard for the near and dear.

Point guard for the near and dear. All right. I like to be called Margaret. All right. I got two ideas. They're both shit. They're not worse than mine. So I just, I luckily just ate a fat one for you to cruise right in

The play along There's a lot there That's the funny part so far We'll figure that out Yeah there's no program You're not like oh we're not playing along It's who I am So two ideas

One I'll just shit on it and I'll get rid of it But my friend is scared of flying and we flew together recently and he was freaking out the whole time and he's like i'm scared of flying but oh good news i got an exit row and i'm like oh wow i'm jealous because you got a better seat than me but isn't it weird that you're so scared of flying yet you chose the seat where in case of an emergency, you would have to save us. Is that anything? Isn't it weird that the exit row is like, oh, yeah, you know,

we had our headphones in, we're reading a magazine, they're like, if anything happens, can you? We're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, move it along, skank, I got to read this, you know? But like, if something went down, you would have to save us and we're all just so nonchalant about it That's how bad flying is What do you mean? You'll do crazy things for an extra couple inches

Uh huh yeah that's how uncomfortable it is But it also shows how safe it is Oh yeah that'll never happen I'll be fine It's insane I think what he was saying was I'm the first one out No I don't think so I like the exit rose cause I know that I can open that fucking door and not have to rely on Joe Blow

to blow it. I'll be the first one out if something goes wrong. Alright, alright. I don't know. Is it shit? I'll get rid of it. I have another one. Didn't get a laugh in the room here. Well, it's not. It's not even... It's an idea. It wasn't even a... I thought there could be something to it.

It is a little... It's so casual that we're... It's interesting that we... We're that nonchalant about saving the entire plane. Like, it's all on us. Well, it just goes to show how much we trust these airlines. Yes. If you would never do that, if that was like a rollercoaster, you'd never be like, if anything goes wrong, you're our guy.

Yeah, you're the hero. You don't even have all your teeth. I don't fucking trust you. Right, right. With the rat tail. Yeah. Yeah. All guy yeah it's up you're the hero you don't even have all your teeth i don't fucking trust you right with the rat tail yeah yeah all right it's nothing but it i thought it was interesting how we just yeah yeah yeah i got it let me listen to my podcast you know but you're in charge of saving us something there maybe who knows i like how they the stewardess or the flight attendant comes up to you and he or she is like, I need a yes from you. If you're in the exit row, I need a yes from you. Like, that's all you need is a yes?

Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. Look at my body type. I can't handle this fucking door. That's a heavy door. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

All I need is a yes. All right. How about this? Me and my girl are fighting. I got too many girlfriend jokes, but we're fighting. And I feel like I was winning. But then she pulled a haymaker, and I realized a couple fights need a judge and jury. They need, like, a ref, like at a UFC match.

You know, like, sure, I might have won by decision, but she did knock me out. You know, like, I had more points, but she got the knockout in at the end. So she won. She won, but... You need a guy, like, in the UFC, when the person's getting hit too much, who just, like, pulls them off. Yeah, yeah. You need a ref.

You need that guy, but in a couple's fight. Exactly, yeah. Because, and then sometimes she'll fight fight and she'll just be like, ah, fuck this, and slam the door and run to the other room. And I'm like, but I won that. I need somebody to call it. Yeah, but the point is that you guys make up. The point isn't that there's a winner.

That's the funny part for me. A guy running in and raising your arm doesn't do shit in the long run. That's a good point. Because you've got to go back to it. That's like if the fighters had to hang out afterwards in UFC. Ah, right. That's funny. You know?

That's funny, yeah. Yeah, if they had to go back to their tiny studio apartment together. Yeah, fuck. One of them's got a black eye and crying. The other one's like, I'm sorry. You made me do this. Yeah. It would just be nice if there was a judge.

Because sometimes, it's like you said, she can start crying. And I'm like, but I'm still right. Just because you're sad. I still won this thing. I need to win by decision. But winning is resolving. It's not. That's the thing.

A win is resolving the thing. It's not being like, I best you. You're not proving you're not. That's the thing. A win is resolving the thing. It's not being like, I best you. You're not proving you're wrong. That's the problem. That's what a lot of people are like. Well, I fucking won. But you're alone. Right.

You didn't win. Right. Yeah. So maybe it's the opposite of a UFC fight or a boxing match. Because when you win a boxing match, you get all the glory. You get the fucking rose necklace and the champagne and all that. But when you win an argument,

you're alone. You're alone. That's interesting. I mean, it's interesting. And, you know, a couple of therapists aren't trying to be like, well, Mark wins.

They have to be like, well, here's what you both need to work on. Right, right. I think maybe that's a guy thing. I think as a guy, I'm like, logically, I'm right. I won this.'s a guy thing. I think as a guy, I'm like, logically, I'm right. I won this.

But she's still crying and hates me. Both end in a rear naked choke. Yeah, I have a bit similar to that, actually. Already. All right, well, I guess. See, the problem is we recorded two in a week. And we didn't have a lot of time to, you know, we got to come up with these bits out of thin air. Yeah.

So it's hard when you're pressed. No, but I think there's something there. Something there. Not wanting to win and wanting to resolve is the win. Yeah. But it's tough because it's like there's no preparation for like fighting and then being like, well, here's what you did wrong and here's what I did wrong. There's no preparation. Right. There's no other fights you have as a kid like that.

Nothing, nothing. That's why relationship fights are so weird because you're like, but I had a good point and you're not giving me the love. When you get into a fight with a bully in school, you're never like, that Indian sunburn you gave me was great. Here's where I can be a better fight mate. Yes, yes, yes. I should have been wedgied longer.

You're right, yeah. Next time I'll keep my head in the toilet for more time and you can flush again. I was tapping out. Okay, I never listen. All right, Jesus. Yeah, yeah. That's something. This is the first time you're fighting like this.

Because remember how weird it was when you were in high school and you had your first girlfriend or whatever, and you're like, she's mad at me. I don't know what I did. This is weird. And your friend's like, I know, I know. I think there's something here. Okay. All right.

Fighting with a girlfriend is such relatable stuff. I know. Yeah, I got this bit about how women are the opposite of cars except the check engine light. Because you're like, I know this bit about how women are the opposite of cars except the check engine light. Because you're like, I know something's wrong, but I don't know what the hell it is. And that's doing pretty well. Yeah. But that's different.

That's a whole other thing. What did I do? Yeah. Right. Literally always. A woman has never asked me that. A woman's never been like, I see you've been down for a couple days. What is it?

It's like, I don't want to talk about it. If something's wrong, I will fucking tell you. Of course. It's obvious. You stepped on my toe. You burned my favorite record. I don't know. It's all things.

Your record? What the fuck is it? I'm 78 years old. You burned my VCR. You threw at my Winston Reds. What the hell? Who are you? You got rid of my velvet coat too, I tell you.

But yeah. Yeah, we're pretty surface level. We're pretty cut and dry here. We're dumb. I don't know. We're fucking around. Look at Steve Jobs. I'll tell you.

Bill Gates Pretty smart Warren Buffet Elon Musk just donated 50 million to Red Cross Not enough It's not that much money Isn't that crazy that he does that and you're like That's nothing

That's gotta suck to be a billionaire I know that's what I'm saying You're worth billions and you're like here's 50 million I know thanks Not really a drop on the bucket for you elon he's like all right next time i'll give nothing you chooch what do you want for me a lot of money oh yeah more money than we'll ever see you gotta lie about your wealth you gotta lie it's like half of my wealth right there that would be like holy shit he's he's incredible. Yep, yep. Can't win. You're damned if you do. He won.

I think you win. I think he won. I guess you're right. Got a full head of fake hair. You like it? I love it. It's not real hair? Oh, come on.

I don't know. Nobody's that rich. I don't know much about him. Well, check out an old Elon and then check out a new Elon. And it is night and day. Wow, look at that. Is that real? Yep.

I mean, good for him if he got the money. It's like getting fake tits for a guy. It's a drop in the bucket. There you go. 50 mil on that. Bucket list. Yeah, look at that. He's got all that hair.

I mean, no one's going to listen to the guy on the left. I got an idea for an electric car. Get out of here, cue ball. You don't even have hair. man has no ideas right we don't realize but we judge people by how they look quite a bit or animals look at that that guy the guy with the hair that guy is on to something i feel bad now about my take being so Fox News-y because it's like I'm working out these bits

and I'm like, ah, that's not me. You're working out a bit though. Okay. That's figuring it out. It's a trans bit too so we have to go over the line.

You have to go over the line. That's the danger of doing this on a podcast. Yeah, but they get it. They get it. And Salakius caught it. Well, that's why it's good that you're here

because Mark is never going to catch something like that. Mark's never going to be like, I think you went a little too far with that one. No, let's go far. Let's go for it, baby. I love that Mark's reaction was, was it? I still think it was fine. We're discussing.

Nah, we gotta figure shit out. You gotta figure it out. Gonna figure out my life, I'll tell you. Think about all the people that I offended saying, this is going Fox News-y. Exactly. We're going Fox News-y. Exactly. Yeah, they...

I think there's something wrong with MSNBC, too. I think if you're going too hard on either of them, it's a problem. Yeah. We're just trying to be real, right down the middle. CNN, baby. I don't know about that. How about local news?

We're going local here. All we talk about is murder and kidnapping. Yeah, and the weather. CNN, baby. I don't know about that. How about local news? We're going local here. All we talk about is murder and kidnapping. Yeah, and the weather. And a squirrel on skis. Local news is fun. I love local news. Now that I never get booked in those local news shows, I actually miss it a lot. Wow.

Because they're kind of fun. It's kind of fun to cause a ruckus on those. It is, yeah. Those poor people are just in a local news cage. They can't say anything real. They can't say anything interesting. They can't curse. They can't be honest.

It's got to be a horrible way to live. We're the exact opposite of them. They're all Bob Saget from Full House. Yes. How are you? Oh, this is delicious. Cookies later. We have a special chef coming in.

We're going to make cupcakes, I tell you. Oh, the dog groomer's here. Oh, the dog. In the head. I'm going to murder my wife. Oh, look at this little dog. Look at Kiki with the bow tie. I'm going to slit her throat, and I'm going to get away with it, too, because I have all this pent-up rage. Yeah, and then they bring us in in and it's 4 in the morning

And they're like be funny You ever put peanut butter on your balls and have a dog lick it They're like Jesus Christ I murdered my wife I don't speak like this What kind of comic are you I'm a comedian what do you want at 7 in the morning Yeah those are tough

You literally just down like Two cups of coffee in ten minutes. Your throat's on fire. Wake up. You go on. They're just like, so how'd you get into comedy? And you're like, I was diddled. What do you want me to say? My scout leader went to town on me.

Diddle is clean. Diddle is clean. Yeah, those hands weren't clean. It's an ad for Purell right there Kills 99% of germs And 40% of guilt Yes, there it is folks I should say another thing I have to call myself out for some bullshit here

Uh oh I have to call myself out, peeve on myself A couple months ago when I said I got back into therapy I said it was my idea It was not my idea oh uh i was court ordered and no it was my girlfriend was like you need therapy and i was like yeah i do and i went it was her idea i found i feel like a phony i don't want to lie in here i lied i told a lie i'll play along i don't like telling lies On the pod Alright I'll tell you Alright well we appreciate that I'll be in Indianapolis

There you go Indianapolis Springfield, Missouri Chicago Denver Phoenix Give the dates there SF

It's all October, November New York Theater Show Get on that shit It might probably sold out By now hopefully We got Fucking We got fucking... Sam Fran.

Yeah, Sam Fran. Buffalo. Cisco. Buffalo. Dallas. Oh, Sam. Let me know how that goes. I don't remember agreeing to that one. That's in Richmond, baby. Did I really? You're going to add a lot to the Jew quota in that town.

I'll tell you that. I don't remember Did I really? You're going to add a lot to the Jew quota in that town. I'll tell you that. I don't remember agreeing to that one. Let me look at my emails real quick. Yeah. Am I coming to Richmond? We'll see. I heard it's a decent room, but they're new. They're definitely new.

What do you got on me here? There you go. Who the hell's dead frog? What does that mean? I don't know. Do the dates line up? Is it accurate? Sure.

I'm't know. Do the dates line up? Is it accurate? Sure. I'm in Nashville. I'm going off the top of my dome here because I don't know who. You've got Stephen Wright's dates up here. It says Mark Norman, too. Give me my website. I have a website. I pay a lady. What the?

Mark Norman. There it is. All right. Scroll up, you queef. What are you doing here? We've got to get a new guy on the keep going. There we go. Boy, who's this written for?

An ant? All right. We got comedy on state mass in Wisconsin this weekend. Zanies in Nashville. Rochester. Garbage plate. Helium Portland. Laugh Boston.

Brea Improv in California. Good looking website, Mark. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Pale lady. Vancouver. Good looking website, Mark. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Pale lady. Vancouver, British Columbia, New Orleans, Howlin' Wolf, Comedy Castle in Michigan. Howlin' Wolf, classic. First place I ever got paid to do comedy.

Buckhead Theater in Atlanta. The Dark Comedy Festival in Toronto. Ooh. Funny Bone in Syracuse. I didn't say yes to that either. Call my agent, will you? I just confirmed in January I am doing that gig. I just went through my email.

I will be at the Sandman Club. Sandman, get him out of here. So, yeah, see us on the road. Email us for the Patreon. We might be drunkpod at gmail.com. Rex, peeves, suggestions. Drinks. Drinks.

Yeah, movies, whatever you want. Yeah, look at that. It looks good, Mark. Oh,. Drinks, yeah. Movies, whatever you want. Yeah, look at that. It looks good, Mark. Oh, thank you, thank you. It's about 10 years old now. I got a bunch of photos up there. Patreon.com slash we might be drunk pod. Leave us a nice review.

I'm sorry my bit was whatever this week. Ah, you're fine. I'll be back and stronger. Yes, yes. We need a week to come up with some shit. This is my shrine to the Semites. Larry David, the king.

All right. Thanks, folks. We'll see you next week. Keep listening. We'll see you soon. Comedy. Thank you.