We Might Be Drunk - Ep 45: Rainbow Trout

Episode Date: October 18, 2021

This Episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.com/DRUNK and JoinHoney.com/Drunk Send us emails [e-mail] Visit www.GothamPodcastStudio.com/WMBD to enter for free Sheath Underwear! Mark Normand and Sam Morril can be seen on the road at a club near you. Visit MarkNormandComedy.com and SamMorril.com for more details! Join the Patreon for bonus episodes weekly and more bonus content: Patreon.com/WeMightBeDrunkPodW Send us emails [e-mail] Send us packages: Gotham Podcast Studio 39 West 38th Street, 10th Fl New York, NY 10018

We might be drunk, we might be drunk, as long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit, pep heaps, wrecks, and a bit, maybe drunk, we might be drunk, yeah. Hey, hey, folks, here we are, we might be drunk. You know what it is. You know where it is. What's shaking, fatty? I haven't seen you in a while. I know, right? It's been a long time. You look good.

You too, man. The shirt, nice. Hair's a little too long. I like it like that. Really? Yeah, it's a little more gouldy. Alien. Yeah, I'll take it, man.

Yeah, it works. Love the gould. Oh, he's the king. California split. You ever see that one? No. Ooh. Cards. Cards, you ever see that one? No. Ooh. Cards.

Cards, yeah, they're degenerate. It's like you don't usually see trashy Jews on screen. That's true, yeah. It's George Segal and Elliot Gould great together. Nice. Isn't Grodin a Jew? I don't know. Charles Grodin?

Not that he's trashy, but I think he's Jewish. We're going down a dangerous avenue here. Jews invented the ghetto. Or not invented it, but that's a's Jewish. We're going down a dangerous avenue here. Jews invented the ghetto. Or not invented it, but that's a Jewish word. A lot of people don't know that. I feel like black people appropriated the ghetto. I'm not going to go there. Jewish!

Oh, yeah, dude. I'll take it. Hey, yeah, man. Been on the road. You've been on the road. Oh, yeah. I'm hurting. I'm on fuel.

It's a long story. We got a flat tire last night. We plugged it, tried to drive back, and we had to stay in a hotel. Damn. Yeah, it was like a John Hughes movie. It looked like a dump, that hotel. It was a huge dump, but we didn't want to pay any money. By we, you mean you.

Yeah. I mean, I covered the hotel, to be nice. But we did a- It was you and who else? This guy, Raj Balani, really funny guy. And I landed from Nashville and jumped in his car, and we went straight to Rhode Island. Brutal.

The girlfriend's like, what are you, crazy? I never see you. And I was like, shut it, toots. And I jumped in the car and hightailed out of there. And then we got a flat tire on the way. Doug Key had to come pick us up about half an hour out. Doug Key sounds like the guy you call in a jam. Call Key.

He's the wheel man. Yeah. Yeah, so then we did the shows, and we're like, well, plug the tire, because he didn't have a spare. Plugged it. That took all night, and then we got on the road. I'm so far removed in terms of manliness from this story. I can't drive.

They're talking about changing tires and shit. This is brutal. Well, a spare tire would be great, but he had no spare, so we actually had to go to Walmart, buy a plugging kit, plug it, learn how to plug. Damn. And then it still popped again, and we had to sleep in a motel. Damn. Yeah, it was brutal. Motels, they take you back to early comedy.

I know. And it was that whole thing of like, first of all, we had to get a cop escort because we were lost in Old Saybrook. No Ubers. It's a little small town in connecticut and the cops like we got you it was like a ride-along it was very white privilege and uh that is that is peak white privilege yeah they were like we got you don't worry about it i took videos of them white white people like uh like officer we'd like a lift like a taxi i rang a little bell yeah it's the first guy who ever videoed the cops because they were helpful.

That's true. You're right. Opposite of Rodney King. We slept. We woke up at 8 to go straight to the tire place. It was the whole thing. Brutal. He's still there. I left him.

Let's have a drink here. This is not a drink I really enjoy, I'm going to be honest. Whoa. Baby. Damn. I meant to shoot that. Damn. I'm not a big mimosa guy.

Is this supposed to have this much orange juice? You know, Matt, he's a big man. Remember when we thought OJ was healthy? Yeah. Yes. We grew up being like, have vitamin C. And then you look at the bag, you're like, this is a lot of sugar. That's true. But that was like, my mom would heat up orange juice when have vitamin C. And then you look at the bag, you're like, this is a lot of sugar. That's true.

But that was like, my mom would heat up orange juice when I was sick. Oh, yeah. Warm OJ. That's true. Warm milk, warm OJ. For some reason, warm just makes it seem more lovey. Hey. There we go.

Sally. No beer Jew today, so we're going simple. It's actually pretty good. I'm surprised. I'm not a big champagne guy. Eh. It's a fun vibe. It is fun. It's a vibe more than an actual good drink.

But yeah, yeah. No beer Jew, so. Yeah, this is pretty good. Damn. I see how people get shit-faced on this. Oh, dude, those bottomless brunches. Woo. Ruined a lot of Saturdays with that shit.

I went. I forgot to wear my pants. I'll tell you. You were right. There we go. We brunches. Woo. Ruined a lot of Saturdays with that shit. I went. I forgot to wear my pants. I'll tell you. You were right. There we go. We're cooking. Yeah. What were you talking about?

Flat tire. Oh, yeah. After that. Shit. I'm frazzled. I'm with this podcast. I don't know what I've said on this podcast before. Yeah.

It's been three minutes. I was in St. Louis. And yeah, you know, some good shows. First night I got locked in the green room bathroom. What? Yeah. Damn. The door is like a sliding door and it wouldn't open.

So I'm just like, what do I, I'm like trying like with a lot of force to open. I'm like, it's not opening. And then, so I look at my itinerary. I text the comedy club manager like, hey, I'm going on in like a minute. I'm locked in the bathroom. We got Gary Veeder on stage telling jokes. I'm like trying to, they come in, they're like, it won't open. I'm like, what do you want to do?

Gary brings me on stage. He's just like, all right, I guess he's not coming. Oh, no. So I said, fuck it, stand back. I'm kicking it in. Whoa. So I felt kind of cool saying that. And I kicked it.

And I thought it was going to be like a badass. The whole thing was going to fall down. But I just kind of kicked the handle off. It's like one of those like. And I kicked it. The handle shatters off. And I was like, I'm going to keep kicking. They're like, no, no, no.

We got it. They just opened. I was like, that was kind of anticlimactic. I kicked the door off. Is this on your IG? I think I saw this. Was this on your. I threw a story on there.

I videotaped it while I did it. Okay. And then I thought it would look cooler. Yeah. And then, yeah, that was crazy. I mean, dude, I got to tell you, the barbecue in St. Louis, it's real good. Baby, real good. Pappy's.

Is that the dry rub? That was my ex. That was my hotel room. I'll tell you. You're right. That was my ex. That was my hotel room. I'll tell you.

You're all right. No, but dude, I can't do barbecue during the day anymore. Lazy out. Well, you do have to do two shows. I know, I know. I eat a lot. It's pork, it's sauce, it's cornbread. It's all the heaviest shit just weighing you down. Most cities that have great barbecue, the place that has the the best barbecue have very little else to do in the city that's how you have all the time to slow

roast oh there's nothing else going on good point like that we wrote this 18 hours you're like yeah because you the other option was going to the arch for the 1800s right right that's true yeah what is that like double double burnt chicken or what are they what do they call that that's pretty good slow roasted yeah crock i sound like a real cunt holding this glass whole thing there's another reason but no i i will tell you man they do have great food in st louis great like that barbecue oh yeah then there's all this st louis versus kansas city versus nashville versus georgia i can't keep up. I don't know. It's all good. I've never had bad barbecue.

People always say that. I go, I get meat, I cover it in sauce. It's all the same for me. I like when the South fights with each other because there's never been a real war. They just bicker, you know? Right, right. Yeah, well, we'll rise again. Not after that barbecue.

Dude, I feel like that's the type of shit. You ever eat so much barbecue that you're like, I don't think my dick works anymore? Like it makes you impotent, that kind of grease. Yeah. It's amazing that anyone fucks in those towns. Maybe that's where the incest comes from because they're like, ah, my sister's here. Yeah, I don't want to go that far. She's right here.

I had sausage links. Come on. Bone in. All right. Yeah. I love barbecue. I could eat it twice a week. I got food poisoning the Come on. Bone in. All right. Yeah. I love barbecue. I could eat it twice a week. I got food poisoning the second night.

What? Yeah, the second night I got food poisoning. Gary Veeder and I. Gary's like a real, he finds the good, we changed hotels because there were pubes on Gary's bed. Gary's like, there are pubes everywhere. I'm like, all right, let's move. So we go to another room. He got another room.

I got another one because my first room sucked and uh two jews that fly in they're like food poisoning this guy's changing rooms what the hell's going on here we're not breaking stereotypes this week but uh yeah and we're not quiet about our complaints either so there's another one but gary flew back early with allergies but then we we check into the hotel and like you know it's one of those nights where i'm like you know my room it was it was a nice hotel from the outside then you go to the room and you're like this is fucking gross oh yeah so gary i changed rooms gary changed rooms and then gary was like bummed about it i'm like let's get let's get drinks let's get some cocktails

pre-show good ass negronis we got a little buzz on buzz on. Then the next night, Gary's like, we changed hotels to a nicer hotel. And then Gary was like, I found a good spot. It's right across the street. I was like, perfect. It's swanky. It's cool. We're sitting down. We ordered good food.

I don't know why I thought. I was like, I've been drinking a lot. I've been eating like shit. Let me order something healthy. So I ordered the Rainbow Trout in St. louis landlocked real a real great idea a lot a lot of good uh a lot of good water by st louis right the ozarks i hear nice they are i actually i'm there well i will be recording right before i leave so i will have been there oh nice yeah let me ask you this when you tell a wait i mean a hotel staff there's this pubes on the bed. What is their reaction?

Are they like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry? Are they like, that's mine? Like, what do they say there? Look, I was having some fun, kid. I'll tell you. No, Gary said what happened was, because he complained. He said that they were just like, well, hopefully the next room's better. I like hopefully.

Yeah, right? I like that we're not sure. There might be some pubes in room 808 too we don't know also yeah yeah no we uh gary changed to another room then we went to the so i get this rainbow trout and it's one of those things we're in the uber going to the gig you do a lot of gigs now you have to take an uber there right yeah you so you uber you have to put the comedy club in so the driver every time is like uh comedy club huh oh who's playing tonight i'm just like ah sam morel like is he good i'm like hey he's all right you start telling about your own

insecurities like i could shorten my setups who does new stuff isn't what it used to be yeah exactly but you know so we're we're in the car and i'm like i'm feeling sick you ever have like a food that you're like oh i this is i'm bad now yes i was in the car and I'm like, I'm feeling sick. You ever have like a food that you're like, oh, I, this is, I'm bad now. Yes. I was in the car and I started like crunching over and I'm like, oh, fuck. And Gary's like, oh shit. He's like, I don't feel great either. But I'm like, yeah, but I'm like, I'm in like, this is bad.

Like, I don't know if I'm going to make it to the club bad. Oh boy. Like I might shit myself. I haven't shit myself since second grade on the school bus. All right. I like how Vita was like, is this regular Jew complaining or let me uh do a follow-up he's like nope it's bad right from hay fever to holocaust let me get a second opinion all right i think you're ugly too all right so then uh we're in the car and i'm like i'm in pain and the driver could see i'm in pain so he goes oh man i had that

the other day i had too many flaming hot cheetos i shit myself something pink and i'm like i'm in pain and the driver could see i'm in pain so he goes oh man i had that the other day i had too many flaming hot cheetos i shit myself something pink and i'm like oh why are you why are you telling me i'm just like i'm like hey man i i i appreciate but it's not helping and he's just like that's great he's just like all right all right and he's like he's like also like i feel bad complaining about bad drivers because i can't drive. But he's like stopping short. I'm like, oh, shit. I literally waddle into the club. I jump in. I jump on the toilet. It's the broken door from before.

So it won't even shut all the way. Wow. I hear Gary like, can I get you anything? Gary hands me Mylanta through the broken door where it used to be. Chew spinach. And then I'm like, Mylanta, this isn't even like, this is like this was like heartburn you know so they run out and they got me pepto i'm the most annoying i gotta get pepto in my rider oh yeah you might holy shit i was dying wow and uh yeah it took me like it was like 30 minutes i'm dying i'm on the toilet like 30 minutes we just start late

it's just like everything is coming out of me. It's liquid. I'm sorry that we're drinking these nice drinks and I'm talking about ass water here. No, bring it on. So I'm dying. You still did the set. I did, but I handed them a note and they handed it to Gary and it said stretch five more minutes. I know Gary was just like, another time I have to stretch.

Last time he was locked in the bathroom. This time he's stuck. But but either way he's not moving and i i went out there in that first 20 minutes i was hobbling wow so it gets worse okay okay keep going i hired a cameraman that weekend and i hope he got the toilet stuff dude so i've been getting cameraman because we get good riffs on the road of course so i So I say, you know, let's do it. He shows up. This is my peeve for the week, by the way. Okay.

It's going to connect right to my peeve. I'm coming in guns blazing today, boys. These mimosas got me all salty. By the way, for the record, if you're an opener out there, pick a restaurant. That's a big perk. Yeah. Like, you know, just saying. Well, Gary's also one of my best friends.

Well, that's great. And he's a funny comic. But, like, you know, just saying. Well, Gary's also one of my best friends. Well, that's great. And he's a funny comic. But like, you know, it's always nice when they can handle some shit. You know what? Fuck it. I want some more mimosas. There we go. I'm getting that OJ.

Get the OJ. Simpson. Hold on. Here we go. Pour it in. I got your champ right here. Argyle. Is this good?

Yeah, it is good. It's from my buddy Craig Arion from Portland. Oh, he's the guy with the wine, too. Oh, that's good stuff. Should I look up the percentages here before you do that? I think there's a lot of OJ. It's too much OJ? Yeah, so throw that. Yeah, I don't need that much OJ.

I might have to do this like a Michelada, you know. So what up? Oh, so that guy hired this guy and he's like, he's like, well, I'm not a cameraman cameraman but i have a two camera shoot set up this guy is off his ass shit face like to the point that like he rolls into the green room with a pint of whiskey a pint straight whiskey blanton so he's like a high he's a top shelf booze bag too so he rolls in so you know it reminds you remember the guy uh the drunk from uh seinfeld the dog who bites oh yeah far full yeah right the high-end drunk

arthur basically yeah oh dude so good if you haven't seen the movie arthur the original with dudley moore yes that might be one of the best comedies ever made. The first 20 minutes is just jokes out of the gate. It's amazing. Yeah. Well, she says she's the prostitute. She goes, oh my God, I thought I was just doing really well with you. Which we've all thought in Vegas, by the way. Isn't that a shame when you're like, man, this hot chick is really into me.

And your friend's like, that's a hooker. Yeah. Russ Meneve used to have a great joke where he said, you know, when a woman in Vegas tells you she's a prostitute, just just say I am also a prostitute I would be willing to waive my fee if you would also waive yours oh you're 300 I'm 400 you owe me 100 you whore I love when a joke's actually a good idea like that's not bad you know and it's funny so uh yes this guy's loaded, dude. Oh, it's such a good movie, man. He's loaded, like off his ass drunk. And like, this is my peeve. He did a thing that drunks will do sometimes.

And just not people that aren't like kind of totally connected. He would just keep lingering in the green room. He would just keep coming in and being like, so if you need anything, I'd be like, I'm fine, man. I was literally just starting to talk to Gary. He's like, if you need a tour around St. Louis, I'm like, you barely found yourself here tonight. You can barely stand. Yeah, I want to get in a car with you. And then he goes, well, if you change your mind, I'm like, I'm not.

I've never wanted to change my mind less about anything. Right. And then, of course, he gets none of the footage. Oh, what do you mean? Because he's shit-faced. I don't know what happened. He sent me footage just like washed out. I'm like, I can't of this oh man we didn't pay him did you no i didn't i was going to but then i'm like you didn't give me anything i could even use damn well this guy's

listening to this right now in rehab going on this guy ain't in rehab he's dying he's wow he was he was a booze bag that's that is the good the here's the thing we attract all types of drunks for this podcast that's one of the low-end ones yeah yeah damn get your shit together there uh what was the whiskey blanton's is good shit i don't know blanton's that's like a high-end bourbon okay that's like that's good look it up that's got to be pretty expensive stuff blanton b-l-a-n-t-o-N Blanton's Bourbon It's good stuff Alright But He was like

I brought you Blanton I'm like dude We drink for free here I don't need Yeah I know That's another $200 a bottle Wow

Yes that's high end Maybe I should have had some Yeah I can't believe this guy Needs video work If he's buying this kind of He doesn't He's like a finance guy

Who was just doing it on the side Who's like I'm a comedy fan See I Oh he didn't hire A camera guy at all. Well, I learned my lesson the next week I was in Indianapolis. I got a really good guy. This guy Noah was killer.

Got great footage. Wow. Yeah, that's tough. Because I, what's the word? I sympathize or empathize with these guys because I used to be such a, what do you call it? Socially awkward guy that I would have to get hammered before I did anything. Yeah. Like in high school and stuff.

I remember those industry parties we used to go to. Mark and I were like, open bar. We didn't realize that we should be mingling with the industry. We're just doing shots at the bar like idiots. I know. I'm like, move, Robert Klein. I need this martini. You know?

Oh, those were bad nights. I mean, whew. Yeah. Just a lot of like dipping people and like pants dropping and finger guns. Yeah, good times. Yeah, I remember I was hammered once I grabbed our buddy Josh Rabinowitz. I was like, this guy's a fucking tool. This fucking guy.

And the guy I'm talking to, Josh is like, uh-huh. And the guy's like, I'm the president of NBC right here next to me. I'm like, oh, sorry. Yeah, I remember I met George Shapiro, Seinfeld's manager, and I tussled his hair. What were you thinking? You got to get out of here. I didn't know who he was. He was just like a little guy.

He was like a little old man. Why are you tussling any little old man's hair? I could take him. It's just in case. Also, Dudley Moore's manager, I believe. What? Dudley Moore's long dead, though. I know, but he's been around.

George Shapiro's been around. Yeah. So I looked up the mix. It's one to one. Oh, geez. All right. Good to know. So you're overdoing it.

So give me a little more champagne. All right. I'll tell you. There we go. One to one. One to one. Whoop. Yeah, get that in there. Whoop. alright I'll tell you there we go one to one whoop yeah get that in there

whoop there we go good cocktail really seems to kill oh yeah it is hilarious when people at the shows now will yell out do Rodney and like I'll do one and it'll kill for like 33% the rest of them are like why is he doing Rodney who's Rodney yeah

Rodney King that'll be a nice twist i'll tell you they call me king rodney you know so yeah man rocky times but uh overall the crowds were amazing in st louis had a good time and yeah aside from the uh food coma food poisoning uh getting locked in the bathroom, and dealing with that drunk. Yeah, new hotel, changing hotel pubes. I love that you still did the show. A lot of people would have bailed after six things in a row. From the green room, what are you going to do?

What am I going to bail two feet away? That's a good point. Also, that Uber driver, you got food poisoning in the car, and he knew you were a comedian. So he's like, you're going to put this in your rack? You're like, shut up. Two stars. But yeah. You know what's annoying now is we just had the flat tire thing.

You got food poisoning. You're shitting water. The drunk cameraman, the pubes. I'm sleeping in a motel with my opener, who I barely know. We see each other in our underwear. It's very weird. And then we finally make it back. We get a tow truck.

Wait, you shared a room with him? I had to share a room share a room yeah you didn't have to you can afford two hotel rooms well it was a motel's the middle it was two in the morning i don't know we just you don't want your own room how much was the room it was a hundred bucks really for motels i know the guy had us by the balls too he was in a bathrobe it was bad it was in the middle of nowhere it's like a shitbox a bath you heard him yelling mother from the other room yeah exactly damn he had so he he he answered the front desk in a robe well we went to the first of all the cop dropped us off this is just the longest night of all time the cop drops us off at the inn and he goes see you later and we go thank you thank you and now the the inn is locked like

the lobby is dark we're like fuck no there's no one here so we call the place and the guy's sleeping upstairs so he has to come down turn the lights on unlock it he's like half asleep you know and he's like what do you need we're like one room he's like all right sign this sign that we just buy the room he gives us the key key by the. And then we go in and fall asleep. That's weird. It was brutal, man. It was just like trains and planes. Everything kept going wrong. Back to back to back.

And... That is the ultimate, like, if shit is going wrong, you just think of that movie. It really is. Like, we'd go to a gas station and, like, try to use the air thing and it'd be out of order. And you're like, of course it's out of order. Where's the next one? So you Google it. It's a mile away.

So we're rolling on a rim. Then we get to the next one it's four quarters i only have two fuck it was just one of those nights you know and we finally went to bed we woke up got breakfast i selfishly texted another guy at the festival and i was like what are you guys doing they're like we're hungover we're driving back and i said can i go with you so they picked me up i made sure raj was okay But I had to come back and do the pod. I don't know what he's doing. You didn't make sure he was okay. Second time.

Wait, where is he? He's fine. He's back in Queens. Oh, okay. Good. But he had to wait. He's got a weird tire. Fuck Jeep, by the way.

Jeep sucks. They don't put a spare in there. What are you talking about? There's a spare right on the back. This is a Jeep Compass. Oh. You're thinking of a Wrangler. I am. So there was no spare. What are you talking about? There's a spare right on the back. This is a Jeep Compass. Oh. You're thinking of a Wrangler. I am.

So there was no spare. They give you sealant, and they say, just put this in the tire, and it'll fill the hole itself. And the sealant shot everywhere. It was horrible. Yeah. Nothing ever fills a hole, does it? No.

You got that right. That's the Argyle. But yeah. But it's one of those things where you're like, I'm never going to get home. I might never see my house again. Holy shit. two hours away i know that's yeah dude i mean some of the travel man i we got delayed and you're just the crying baby behind me the whole flight yesterday classic oh yeah shrieking we're like i'm like shut up kid this ain't guantanamo you know right but i usually want to turn to the kid and be like, it gets way worse.

It gets so much worse. Yeah. And you know what sucks now is every time we have a travel thing, there's always that one guy who goes, it's going to be a good story, though. You get a story. I'm like, fuck, I'm done with stories. Let me just have one great weekend. What's the story? I shit myself in a St. Louis green room bathroom.

I'm like, there's a story that's gross. I'm like, I guess that's not a story. Let me go to the moth with that one. Hey, all things considered, I've got a doozy for you. What is it? Real life? What's that one called? This American Life.

This American Life. Yeah, I got food poisoning and shit water. You haven't heard the first part. I had trout. They're like, all right, we're not. It's called something pink. I deserve this shit for getting seafood in St. Louis. Possibly.

We're not known for seafood. I've been there. If you get food poisoning from like, if you're in like Maine and you get seafood and you get food poisoning, or if you're in Boston, like if you go to a place that has good seafood. Yeah. But Todd Berry's got that great joke about he got sushi at an airport, and he got food poisoning, and he's like, it's my fault for getting sushi at an airport. And I think about that joke all the time.

Yeah. And it's the same with the trout. At least you were, you know. You know what's funny? It tasted horrible, and I ate the whole thing. You ever do that, where you're like, this is terrible, but I'm going to get my money's worth. Of course.

It was awful. I can't send back a trout. don't care what it could have a you know anthrax on it i'm like i bought this trout i can't send it back can you imagine being like this is not good i don't think i've ever sent back food never my girl does it all the time if you're like a cute lady she's like this drink is weird i'm like oh my god that's a cocktail you know what you do when your drink is weird you chug it exactly that's hilarious yeah i made my girlfriend tea yesterday and she's like this tea tastes soapy i was like i'll make you another tea and she's like this one's also soapy i'm like ah it's good to be a woman isn't it that soap reminds you to do the dish now that's an old joke oh my god i love when like my friend my friend rachel used to date a guy who

would uh he would literally say things like a hot meal every once in a while would be nice can you imagine saying that to a woman now like sincere like it's a joke i get it but like sincerely yeah like you never cook and you're like you fucking you live in new york uh you live in new york city you can get a good meal for five dollars on the street yeah of course five ten you're not allowed to say anything now that has history you know like if i say something something you're like working like a slave you know you can't go to slavery i'm just saying you can't anything that has history the second he said it's got history i'm like i know where this is going like i would be like oh you're fucking every night you're like a sex slave

or whatever and it's like yeah that's fine but to your black friend you wouldn't say that because you mean the same thing but there's history same with the women in the kitchen there's history right you tell a woman like my girlfriend's like you never cook i'm like i know maybe i should cook more but if i'm like you're never cook it's got history to it you know that's a good point yeah we say equality, but things are different. Well, because there was inequality. Exactly. But, yeah, man.

No, I like cooking. I'm a big, I like, do you cook a lot? Nah, I can't cook. I thought you could cook some. I mean, I can do an omelet or, you know, tuna sandwich, but I can't really. I love a tuna melt. That's a good. Oh, that's good.

I made a lot of those during the pandemic. You get a little, get a nice slice't really. I love a tuna melt. That's a good. Oh, that's good. Made a lot of those during the pandemic. You get a nice slice of cheddar. You throw it over there. You butter on the bread. Holy shit. That's a comfort thing right there, the melted cheese. A diner meal, if I'm not doing eggs, I'm doing a tuna melt usually. Yeah.

You want to clean out the system. Tuna melt, black coffee, milkshake. Milkshake. I like a milkshake at a diner tops it all off i can't but that's another one i like i can do it like the end of the night but i can't do it during the day oh bring it on really oh yeah if i ever go sober i'm gonna be a milkshake guy i have like nom flashbacks to my how bad my stomach was as a kid like i remember being in a time square remember that uh i think it was the ewok theater and you know you could just you could just see like four

movies in a day because they were because there were so many movies playing you could just go movie to movie 25 movies playing and that's like in the 90s when you know places had four and it was a big deal i remember seeing uh gangs in new york and 25th hour on the same wow that's a long day long day but you were like, these are both pretty cool movies. Of course. That was back when movies were good. You know, now it's just, oh, I watched every Avengers at the theater. It's weird.

I know. They're coming back. Wes Anderson's got a new one and Paul Thomas. Dude, and also the one with the Mike Mills movie with Joaquin looks really good. Ooh, I don't know this one. Joaquin Phoenix is fucking great. Beast. Beast. He's just great. He's always different, too, man. Always. You know,in looks really good. I don't know this one. Joaquin Phoenix is fucking great. He's just great.

He's always different too, man. Always. So that looks good. Then there's also the, I think the Princess Di movie looks pretty good with Kristen Stewart. I didn't see that. Then there's, what else is there? There's a lot of good looking movies. Alright. It's about time. Oh dude, the Coen Brothers movie, the Macbeth movie with Denzel. What? They're doing Macbeth with

Denzel and Frances McDormcdormand that looks insane holy hell and it's getting a lot of buzz people are saying it's incredible out damn spot the only times the comb brothers even let me down was hail caesar that's the only yeah it was shot well it looked amazing it looked great but it wasn't it just wasn't that they're they're so good that you're like the bar is so high for them it's true yeah that's a good's a good point. Wow, I didn't know. You're up on the trailers. I didn't know about any of this shit. I get lost on Instagram sometimes and I'll just see. I love it.

It could be pretentious trash or it could be great, you know? No, I think we're having a swing back into the art movie world. Yeah, it does. But I love Noah Baumbach. I do too. Fucking Meyerowitz stories. What was the last one he did? Oh, Marriage Story was great.

Oh, my God. I fucking cried on that one. That ripped my heart out, man. We've all been there. That breakup feeling. That was a great movie. Oh, my God. And then fighting with her.

You hate her so much, but you want her to love you, but you still love her, but you hate her, and you want her to hurt, and she's hurting you. God. I got to ask you a tough one now. Oh, God. Did you see The Sopranos movie no i have not did you no i'm getting way mixed reviews i'm hearing mixed also i did not love it because why it was just everything the soprano show is not you know it was kind of like interesting the whole racial element kind of didn't. It was like, if you're going to do that, it was kind of underexplored.

And then if you're. Yeah. And then it just was kind of like there. It didn't really add anything. And then it wasn't as fun. It was a lot of fan stuff for the fans, which I appreciate. Like you see it even in the trailer when Young Junior says he doesn't have the makings of a varsity athlete. Like shit like that.

They give you gimmies. But like overall was like pretty. I pretty disappointed i'm with you i don't i haven't seen it but i don't love that whole like we gotta blow the sopranos fans here and have easter eggs it's like hey just make a good movie or don't don't make it just for these select group who like the show it had good moments but overall it it just like it's weird the script wasn't great that's the thing like like the acting is great leota's great vera farminia uh from you know all the stuff she's departed she's all she's great as as tony's mom i wanted like more of tony's mom she was so she's good she's captivating uh but then like yeah just it almost felt like just not a great mob movie.

And then like you watch The Sopranos and it's like the best mob thing ever done. It's so funny. This felt like bleak and even the color. Like The Sopranos, you rewatch episodes, you're laughing your ass off. Of course. Yeah. So funny. That intervention scene is my favorite scene in the whole show.

It bummed me out. Wow. And david chase right yeah but i but then i also heard interviews like maybe he wasn't super involved i don't think his wife is in great health so i think he was supposed to direct it so maybe he didn't maybe that's why i didn't direct it because she's not doing great so you know he wrote it but i don't know man all. All right. It's tough. It's tough to make anything great that long, after so much time has passed. And not only is it, it's not the same show. It's like you're doing a different, it's different characters. It's a prologue. Right.

All right. I'm excited to watch it still, but my friend is a Sopranos nut, Chris Allen, and he loved it. Really? Yeah, but then my other friend is a Sopranos nut, and he hated it. I'm a Sopranos nut, and I did not like it. Okay, okay. But it's hard to, not a lot of good movies anymore, man. That's why a lot of these give me hope.

They're coming back, baby. It's tough to make a good movie. It is, it is. And then everybody's worried that people won't watch it. You know, these suits, they're all cowards. I wonder, it makes you wonder how much suits fuck with, like wonder if suits fucked with that sopranos movie like it's got to have this oh yeah probably i don't know well the squid game bullshit that everybody watched it i've watched one episode and i'm already hooked it's fucking good koreans can make shit it's like

parasite meets the hunger game yeah like that's what my girlfriend said or it's like remember the running man yeah it reminds me of that a little bit. Yeah. Well, they say it's the number one watched thing on Netflix ever around the world, too. It's number one in 30 different countries. And that says so much because Americans are such cunts about foreign films. Oh, yeah. We're so bad about like, it's got to be amazing.

Yeah, yeah. We're not great about subtitles, but it's like, it doesn't even feel like you're, I mean, you forget about it in a second because there's just so much going on. Yeah, well, that one guy, the Parasite guy broke through, I feel like. That guy killed it. The Hung Pak Poo. Don't, don't, don't. Ho Chi Minh, whatever it is. That guy kills it.

Dude, Parasite's incredible. Parasite's incredible. The Oak Jaw is great. I mean, the guy's a monster. He did the oak jaw is great i mean the guy is a monster did uh the other one too uh with the train yeah yeah spear cheese what the hell is that spear cheese that's what it's called it's called spear cheese uh-huh uh yeah i forgot what it's called it was called the snow piercer snow pier that was great that was great that was great he loves class issues a lot of social commentary like this also is like you could have just had the guy when the guy takes the mask off it could have just been jeff bezos you know you could just have the guy the villains it is amazing

how they're just scrapping and like sure some of some of it slaps you in the face but like it's so fucking good it's good but my point is he shopped it around for 10 years and nobody would buy it and then finally netflix is like well we'll give it a shot you know asian stuff is hot right now they all do that this is hot right now shit because they're so scared of taking a chance but also you look at it you're like how is this even a chance it's got everything like visually it's beautiful yeah it's tense it's got really funny moments sure the actors are awesome on it. It's so fucking good.

It's great. It's great. Yeah. And it's people. People are loving it. It feels like the Tiger King kind of vibe where like we're all talking about this one thing again. Yeah, dude. Squid Game is.

Is that your rec? Well, it wasn't my rec because I feel like everybody's already into it. So I want to rec something people don't know. It's weird to rec a number one. Right. Right. But dude, it's great. It's fun. It's weird to wreck a number one. Right, right. But dude, it's great. It's fun. Have you watched it?

Yeah, I watched the whole thing. The whole thing? Yeah. And don't tell me how it ends, but are you satisfied with the ending? Satisfied with it from the first episode to the last. I'm not going to say a lot. That's rare. Yeah.

I mean, everybody hated Seinfeld ending. Everybody hated Sopranos ending. Squid Game. Seinfeld. Also, you can't compare the two. That's nine seasons versus one. True. And it's comedy.

Yeah. But this has got everything. I don't hate the Sopranos ending. I didn't hate it either, to be honest. I love the Sopranos ending. I didn't hate the Seinfeld one. Yeah. What's your rec, Mark?

My rec sucks. But my point is, it takes 10, sometimes it takes, Dr. Seuss, sure he was a rabid anti-Semite, but he shopped that shit around for, he said he went to 11 publishers. Yeah. Yeah. No one would publish Jew in the Zoo. Oh my. Woo.

I'd love to see that. I need some more. Can I get some of that OG? Yeah. They're like, oh, the animal won't eat. He sent it back. Kibble. Yeah.

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they're not giving out financial advice but one minute block time.com is a great place to start learning about it uh before you do your rec can i uh throw you a curveball hit me so since we're talking about executives and netflix what do you guys think of the chapelle special i was just gonna get into that i haven't seen it yet what i i'm late on it's hard for me to watch it's hard for me to sit down and watch stand-up yeah i've watched his last few i mean i'll watch usually but like uh no it's very hard for me to sit down and watch stand-up what do you think i got a lot of thoughts about i watched the whole thing and look it's not his haha is his funniest but you could tell he just had a bone to pick he had something to say he had to get shit out and it's it's not as funny as by

far but it's insanely captivating he's walking a tightrope the whole time he's always captivating always captivating but the first 10 minutes i don't want to shit on comedy. I hate shitting on comics. But I didn't think the jokes were really well-crafted. I thought it wasn't that funny. But then he gets into stories and personal shit and beefs. And then you're like, whoa, he's saying some shit. You're like, wow, what is this, the 80s? Like Eddie Murphy delirious stuff.

And he really brings it all together. And the pacing and the time. I mean, he's a next he's a next level storyteller. Yeah. Like he's an amazing orator. Absolutely. But, uh,

yeah, if you're looking for ha ha's, I wouldn't say this is it, but I also love that he knew there was going to be backlash. And I feel like he's playing it like a fiddle almost. He's like, yeah, this is what I exactly,

he said it in the special. It's funny how people are like, he's like, Twitter's not a real place. I'm like, well, you should see how much they're helping you because everyone's talking about it. Everybody.

This not real place is- Is buzzing. Is buzzing. It's almost like the Howard Stern thing where he's like, yeah, 50% of them hate you, 50% love you, but they're all listening. Everybody's hate watching it and loving it. Well, that was the line, right, where they say the people that hate you listen even longer. Yes, exactly. Because they want to hear what you say next. So, next so look i mean there's a lot of that in here

he says dyke he's throwing out he's throwing out all the old you know slurs and everything it's wild i haven't watched it i look it's interesting uh i know the the comedian who wrote the thing against him who the showrunner for dear white people really uh jacqueline moore went to college i went to college with her she got dragged too for that being a white showrunner of a black show here's yeah but i'm just saying she was the only what here's the defense of that she was the only white person in the writer's room took her years to rise the rankings and then the black showrunner selected her. That's the thing no one talks about. So people don't really do the research on that.

But the thing with, I knew Jacqueline when she was Jack. Really? And yeah, we'd get beers and watch basketball. I think she just transitioned like a year ago. Yeah, like a year ago. Within a year of the pandemic. Wow. Jack was, I don't know Jacqueline.

I DM'd her and said congrats on what you're doing. You know, just support. But I knew Jack when we went to college together. And huge Cleveland Cavs fan. Hey. Yeah. So I almost, I didn't do it, but I almost wrote when she transitioned, I almost wrote, as long as you're not a Lakers fan.

That's good. But I was like, let me just resist this because I probably need't probably need support yeah probably no you probably that now i can say it but at the time i need but also i'll say this like you see the shit that she is getting those threats oh really and that shit's real yeah i do think like look i don't know here's where i stand on it chapelle's allowed to make those jokes but she's allowed to have a problem with them i think everyone should have a fucking voice in this shit. I agree with you completely, but she shouldn't be able to take it away. Because if she's like, hey, get rid of the special.

No one should take anything away. That's what bothers me. I do think Chappelle is like, let's be real, Chappelle is a master of his craft. Whether you like him or don't like him, you can't just be like, he's bad. You can't really, I mean, he's kind of earned that, I think, at this point. Even if you don't like this, I haven't seen it yet. I haven't watched it. Who knows even I will?

I don't watch that much comedy anymore. Right, right. I like to watch other, I need to escape this shit. I live this every night, dude. My favorite comment about that was someone wrote, who's this white lady punching down at this black comic? That's funny. That's funny.

But, you know, I will say i will say though you know it's like everyone should get that you should get he should get to make the jokes yes she should get to object i mean like that is i agree i did see people at flix who are trans who got suspended though did you see that i got suspended for bursting into a meeting not for commenting or tweeting right sure so it's like now you're just being like weirdly reckless like you still have to be professional right you know but let's be real this is a corporation that's netflix it's about money at the end of the day yeah they're not let's not act like they're supporters of art they are they're supporters of money so when i see ted sarandos defend chapelle i think that's great for comedy yeah someone that high up defends the comic because we don't see that a lot at that level but it's also dave chapelle yes he's not

defending some lower tier comedian he they pulled one of adrian i palucci's jokes from the fucking and these are comics that are not as famous as dave so it's like oh you'll support this when it makes financial sense right you won't support this across the board though show me tim dylan special where's that sure shane gillis you know another one special but you know so uh that's just my thoughts on it it's all money it's show biz at the end of the day but i am glad that they're not pulling it i hope they don't pull it because that just sets a bad precedent for another special that could be controversial. I will say this about the Twitter thing, though, is like as a comic, we travel the country every week.

We perform to people every week. Some of them know who we are. Some of them don't. Who are at the shows, right? Yeah. So you perform to these crowds and there is a connection you feel like we have. That doesn't sound cheesy. Like, I really do feel connected to these crowds. I feel like we're kind of we get a rhythm it's like a fun really

every night i'm really having a great time they know us they get us they get it and you see people like tap me and each other in the videos and stuff when i'm looking at footage they're like tapping each other and laughing strangers doing that shit and there is a more of a camaraderie than you feel on twitter like the anger that you see on twitter we're not as divided as they want you to think yeah yeah fox news and msnbc and all these networks have made it their mission to monetize our division and we're not that fucking divided no no the the dark the most divisive voices get all the play right and they they do that on purpose they put them up to the top so yeah twitter is can be evil i mean dave is right about that he's right about that it's not it's not

reality but it can fuck you you know with it as we sip our mimosas yeah another a lot of people can get together and yada yada but like yeah i like that it's still out there i like that it's controversial i mean people say jokes i don't agree with all the time, but you go, that's part of it. That's comedy, you know? Sure. Like the Michael Jackson documentary. To me, I'm like, oh, I don't want to watch this. Or R. Kelly.

Like, that bugs me. Well, that's what separates us. I did want to watch it. I wanted more. I was like, where's the deleted scenes? Come on. Whatever gets you hard. Oh, my God.

But I'm just saying, like, it's just weird that it's comedy, and then people say, like, comedy's fine. It's not a problem. Blah, blah, blah. But then it's like, but then it's just weird that it's comedy. And then people say, like, comedy's fine. It's not a problem. But then it's like, but then there's this huge backlash to get him fired or whatever. I do feel like it's hilarious that Chappelle walks a tightrope of like, I might get canceled. And it's like, you got 20 million and you're playing arenas. Like, what is what is canceled mean? I think that's kind of what we have to talk about is like, you're not canceled, dude.

He's not canceled. But pulling the special would be bad. But they're not going to do that. I hope not. I hope not. If that happens, that would be bad for so many reasons. Agreed. But I also don't think.

The definition of canceled needs to be changed. Sure. With someone like Shane Gillis. Yes. That was being canceled. Completely. And Shane was able to circumvent the business because he's a funny enough stand-up. Yeah.

Get away from that. But what is cancel? I mean, people know who he is from that. I agree. That's enough, I think, right? But you're forgetting the huge mental anguish and the sadness and the depression. He was mentally depressed. He had to get on pills and shit.

Sure. Everybody's so compassionate. No, no. I'm'm saying shane was canceled yeah i'm agreeing with you i but you keep saying hey it doesn't matter he's doing fine it's like no no he was fucked up i didn't say that oh it sounds like people always go out you know he's doing great he's got a million views he was able to go around that in terms of business i'm not talking about you know mental anguish i'm not talking about any of that stuff. I think like having a scarlet letter. Yeah. Is is being canceled.

I think he has that. So so it's like, what is the goal? Is it the goal that he's not working? And maybe for the people leading this mob, it is. Right. Right. And Shane was able to circumvent that. I'm not talking about his fucking mental health.

That's not my business. I'm sure it was. I'm sure it was very difficult. I and I know and like Shane. Yeah. You know, funny guy. So half retarded. mental health that's not my business i'm sure it was i'm sure it was very difficult i'm i and i know and like shane yeah you know funny guy so half retarded oh i'm trying to throw a joke he's trying to get some heat off shane that's what he's doing that's you don't get what he's doing but uh you know i'm i'm just saying like uh dave is not the one who here's what it bothers me as a comic who's not nearly as successful as Dave

Mm-hmm. Here's what bothers me is like we're the people we're the comics who get penalized by cancel culture Not Dave Dave you how many Netflix specials right six, right? The people that get penalized by cancel culture are people that are being victim being Hidden by the algorithm that are being hidden by the algorithm. That's being somewhat canceled, I think, as a comic at this point. Not like we can talk about mobs and all that shit later. But I'm saying like when you get shadow banned or when you get like, if you're on like TikTok or Instagram,

it's kind of like you're getting less visibility. Yeah. Because an algorithm doesn't understand parody or sarcasm. Right, right, right. That is kind of being being that's more being canceled than what dave is going through sure sure dave is playing arenas of course of course but i think this does affect him i think he's a sensitive guy and all that and i'm not thinking do you i don't know i think so i really do i really do i've met him i don't he doesn't know me i've met him too

and he was super nice and super cool, but I don't think this. Do you really think he bothers him? I think it does. Yeah, I think it does. Well, it's weird that we think somebody has $80 million and they just don't have feelings all of a sudden. That's not what I'm saying at all. I know, but I think the public thinks that. They're like, he's fine, he's rich, he's successful. It's like, yeah, but successful people all the time kill themselves and are depressed and suicidal.

We see it all the time. Sleeping pills or whatever. Sure. and suicidal we see it all the time you know sleeping pills or whatever so like sure i know we're not supposed to feel bad for rich people or have sympathy for successful you're starting to sound like chappelle right now i'm just saying if it's compassion it's got to be compassion we do this weird thing where we we go sure you're bad we did we deem you bad so you have carte blanche yeah to be a piece of shit to somebody and that's all like i wish this trans lady jacklyn and chappelle could like talk yeah wouldn't that be a great that would be great i

think that'd be a hell of a podcast but we don't do that why i agree i think like i don't think twitter is a great place to air your grievances but that is where we that's where people get traction yeah that is what free speech has become right i mean and we have to kind of go with that a little bit sure whether we like it or not that's just the reality of the times we're living if you want something to catch fire you know this is someone who's got credibility as a showrunner and this is someone who can put their voice out there i i think i think my thing is sure it could bother dave but as comics, my only defense of, I guess, someone like Jacqueline and Dave, too, honestly, you can put whatever you want into the world. Yeah.

But then also people are allowed to be angry. So I think that's kind of where I think people are going to hate our jokes. All the time. And that's fucking fine. Yeah, yeah. You know what happens? They don't come to the shows, and we don't have to deal with them. And if they write a nasty tweet, I'll scroll right past it.

Right, there you go. The crowd is really the true results. That's like the real barometer. The crowd and ticket sales, you know? Well, a lot of hacks sell out. Well, that's true, but people want to see hacks. It's like McDonald's is very successful, you know? So, yeah, it's just tough. It's tough because she should have an opinion he can have an opinion

and they can both be valid but nobody should be taking things away i just think so much more gets accomplished when people sit down in a room well i do think like you know if you sit in a room and you actually look a person in the eye and you see that they're not malicious, I don't think Dave Chappelle is malicious either. That's a sweet guy. I don't think Dave Chappelle is a malicious human. I don't think so either. From what I get. So we talk about intent, and intent matters, I think.

Of course. Context matters as well. Sure. I'm with you. And it would be cool if they, I mean, shit, wouldn't that be be a great here's what i say you do if you're smart netflix you ask dave chapelle and jacklyn to sit in a room you fucking put that on your streamer that shit's going to be trending worldwide now that's big people are still talking about it's more buzz for chapelle special you keep this buzz going and you keep could be could be pretty cool yeah it just sucks you know like he's making jokes

then they're like he's transphobic and you know like he's making jokes then they're like he's transphobic and you're like he's like i'm not so it's almost like two people are arguing two different things she's like you're you're transphobic he's like you're not letting me do comedy and they can't even see that they're arguing two different positions does that make sense i think it's i think it's a it's complicated i do think like I do think black people have a fucked up history in America. Trans people are not. They're new. Well, it's a new thing we're all talking about.

There are a lot of prominent black voices in America, and there aren't a lot of prominent trans voices in America. That's true, except for Caitlyn Jenner, and nobody likes her. Right. It's tough when the main person, you're like, that fucking person. I said person. That fucking person. You know? I said person. But... That fucking they. But so my whole thing is like...

Sure, black people have suffered more, but there is an inequality in terms of major trans voices. Yeah, yeah. And there's way fewer of them. Yeah. You know? So it is tough. It's a tough argument.

I just think it's complex. I don't think this is something that can just be summed of them. Yeah. You know. So it is tough. It's a tough argument. I just think it's complex. I don't think this is something that can just be summed up easily. Exactly. And guess what's a great place for that? Twitter. A place that doesn't understand nuance. Yeah. Let's bring it to Twitter.

Hear, hear. But hey, the truth of it all is that it's just creating buzz for Chappelle. When you make something controversial, know you do you get eyeballs oh yeah oh yeah and the the message is we got to get that famous so where we can't get in trouble there you go what uh yeah i'll check it out but check it out the second half i think is it's masterful storytelling and the whole thing the delivery uh there's a great punch at the end so give it give it a whirl okay but uh he said it's like he's done he's done for a while i think he's done with netflix because that was the end of his contract oh specials gotcha he meant i'm done

with this he and tarantino are gonna meet up they're gonna meet at the bar and just say we're fucking we quit yeah like tarantino's another guy who people like he doesn't use enough of this and he's too violent and you're like all, but we shouldn't get rid of him. Yeah, but no one's saying to get rid of Tarantino. That's the other thing. It's like, people who are saying it are fucking idiots. I hope so. But my point is just, like, Tarantino should be able to make great movies, and people should have the right to criticize them.

I agree. Do I fucking like critics? I dislike a lot of them, honestly. but guess what we're all critics i mean we love movies all of us all three of us we love movies so we're gonna i just made my point about the sopranos i still love david chase like yeah i'm not saying anyone you know i'm not even mad at him i'm like shit what you're not gonna hit a home run every time that's part of what making art is and that's what the internet is. It's just trash and shit.

Yeah. So it just comes with the territory. You want to be a public figure, you're going to get messy. Yeah, dude. Especially if you put out controversial shit. Yeah. Just don't take stuff away. That's all I'm saying.

I don't think that's... Look, the second that happens, I will fight like a motherfucker. I'm not worried. I'm more worried about comics like us getting killed in social media and the algorithm than I am about a comic who I'm never going to worry about. I said that on stage this weekend. Someone yelled out, Dave got canceled. And I said, he's playing arenas. You know how you know Dave will be canceled?

He'll be playing here. That's what I said. Yeah, that's a good one. And it fucking got applause because they're like, yeah, that's fucking like your dave is huge huge he won't i'm never worried about dave chappelle selling tickets but what about like they put seinfeld on netflix the tv show and they took out a few episodes which ones they take out they took out the puerto rican day parade they took out a few office that's a funny episode i know but that's what i'm talking about it's like they took out they took out the always sunny blackface episode yes i thought was mocking how offensive blackface was so yeah i to

me that's fucked up that's what i'm talking i love the blackface episode of it's always sunny i think it's i think they're mocking it i found it hilarious it's a great app um i saw tropic thunder with a black guy he was like that's amazing so it's just i hope you don't take that away you know uh yeah tropic thunder i just watched recently it's still hilarious but i i watched um yeah i i will i think sunny it's always sunny is the best comedy the last 20 years it's up there south park is up there it's up there but curbs got some moments but yeah sunny is pretty damn consistent it's great what is it 10 years running i mean that's long it's insane that he did that and also let's be honest here it's not really black face if you go all in

what is his black body it's black body he went black body because black face is a minstrel show and it was like a making fun of black people with the lips and everything well it was also the point is that they kept calling it also it's not like they were like this is cool they were he was like wait what the fuck are you doing like they were like this is offensive that was a joke of the thing so um yeah man i i think i think i think racism is different like that's what i mean that's all i'm saying but uh i mean danny devito did like an offensive native american character it was funny it was like you know that was the joke right but um yeah i just i don't look at those people and i'm like they're racist no no intent baby intent

it's like you said all right we gotta move on and also there's such a thing as satire yeah we fucking really is this our worst episode did we just fucking no no i think it's it's relevant with the chapelle thing so i think we're all right. You're all right. You're all right. Yeah, and feel free to trash us. The bottom line is, though, we trash ourselves pretty hard in our head, so you can't beat that. But all right, here we go. Pet peeve. Yeah. I'm seeing a lot of this nowadays.

That sounded like a bad Andy Rooney thing. This really grinds my gears. Andy Rooney thing. This really grinds my gears. You ever have people who they're like going off on a tear and they can't make a point. So they just go, you know, it's like that that bar right there. You know, it's just not, you know, you got to finish it. You you tell me.

And now you want me to side with you and I don't even know what you're saying. Exactly. And you're already asking me for your validation you and i don't even know what you're saying exactly and you're already asking me for your validation but i don't even know what your point was so that that's my peeve like you got to figure out your shit before you say you know because i don't even know what you're saying uh-oh sorry sam blew his wad there uh that that was it there's andy rooney yeah i I don't... Finish a thought. Finish a thought. Finish a thought. Like, yeah, I'm not just going to fucking scoop you up and bail you out of your fucking

bomb here. Yeah, yeah. It's getting too... It's happening all the time. Now that I've called it out, I see it every day. Man, that crackling oat bran, I got to tell you. Are you going to try it? You know?

Yeah, I'll try it. Are we doing that for the patreon oh yeah i'm excited i mean somebody sent us a bunch of cereal we could do it we can open each one and really taste test go nuts just get fucking fat yeah cereal is like it's so funny how much of it is just like for you, and that was our whole childhood. I know. In the morning, too. Let me start you off with a fucking diabetes. That was my peeve. That's a good peeve. I told you my peeve already. I got a rec for you.

All right. Hit me. I think this is a good rec. I'm into this. It's kind of vague, but I can give you a few examples. All right. Movie scores. You just walk,

I like to walk around. That's good. I like to walk around and listen to music that doesn't have lyrics, so I can still, so my mind can still like kind of wander. And some of them, there's some great movie scores out there.

Okay. First one I'll say is Sideways. Really? One of the best scores ever i mean you can play a thing play uh i mean play well yeah what are like the top songs from that i don't know every song is great yo it's great score play a little i love a score they make their own music for a movie that's this is rolf kent this guy did the uh he did the intro song for dexter which is oh yeah this guy's incredible.

Oh, we're jazzy. We're getting jazzy. Isn't this fun? I love it. But there's some songs that are a little slower and kind of heavy. I mean, Sideways is one of my favorite movies. Yeah. I got another one for you.

Go to The Shape of Water score. Oh, wow. Whatever you think of that movie, I think it's a good movie, but I know some people hate it. I never saw it. The score's insane. Really? Oh, my God. Beautiful.

I mean, it's hard to beat John Williams.s i mean that's a great one yeah indiana jones did he do that i don't know if he did back to future star wars jaws this is fucking amazing that's pretty this is some philip glass shit it feels like this is a nice score dude you just chill late at night walking around the city streets listen to this shit like that it's only instrumental so there's no lyrics fucking yet This is a nice score, dude. You just chill late at night walking around the city streets, listening to this shit like this. And it's only instrumental, so there's no lyrics fucking yet. It's very eerie. Eerie, nice.

It matches. Isn't it amazing? It matched the music with the vibe of the movie. It's incredible. Yeah, I mean, look. Do you hear that? It sounds like bubbles. Ah.

That's good stuff. Did you like that movie, or what do you think? Yeah, it's a pretty great movie it was good right it got over it got problem is like whenever a movie wins best picture people are like this one you're like yeah it's probably not a best picture movie but it's a good movie yeah that director is incredible yeah um is he done didn't he do gravity too what else oh right south american guy it's the same guy look him up yeah yeah he's awesome i heard him on fresh air once and he was cool as shit oh nice i heard uh joaquin phoenix on a pod once he said he has no friends really yeah he's just

like a weird guy interesting i was i was gonna say we friends, but that's weird. We spoke for 10 minutes once. You wish. All right, you did Pan's Labyrinth. Oh, man, this guy's killing it. Hellboy. Oh, he wrote it. Hellboy's good. Hellboy's fun.

Well, he wrote all these? Damn. No, he's a beast. He's a... I like the score, though. That's good. A lot of good scores. The only thing, what else?

I mean, there's so many, man. Hans Zimmer. He's a big one. You know who's got a great score? Far score, though. That's good. A lot of good scores out there. The only thing, what else? I mean, there's so many, man. Hans Zimmer. He's a big one. You know who's got a great score? Fargo, man. Throw that Fargo score up there. But it's something about a score that will put you fucking... Score is big.

Good strip club. I also like, too, in a Scorsese movie, when they have those oldies that are just pitch perfect, like walking through the kitchen. Yeah, the Stones. Walking through the kitchen. They have the Rondelles or whoever the hell it is so good oh mr postman yeah and then he kissed me it just works guys get his face stopped then right this is a good score man for a little bit of money see this is why i can never make a movie because if somebody came to me with a bad score i'd be like all right we'll use it you know i could never go put all

these strings together and shit i can't say no to this it's like the rainbow trout yeah it's gotta be a bigger dick i guess so this is a fucking score wow i think fargo is like, that's like top 10 movies for me. Oh, yeah. Who is it? Who's the score guy? We did this. Yeah, look up who that was.

Carter Burwell. Carter Burwell. Man. This is Matt Peters in the booth. What do you think? This is powerful. It's good, right?

Do you like Fargo too? That's like, I think that's like, I think that's definitely the combative best movie. I think Old Country. No Country. Over Fargo, too? I think that's definitely the comb-loving best movie. I think Old Country. No Country. Over Fargo?

I don't know. Nah, Fargo's got better characters, and it's got more comedy in it. I love No Country, too, but I gotta re-watch it. It is, man, Joaquin is scary as fuck. Not Joaquin, Javier Bardem. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's The Mohicans. I don't know the score.

I've never seen it actually really is it good slow but daniel day lube oh that's pretty good you're reminding me of the somebody told me to listen to scores while you write because there's no lyrics and it's like uplifting and it makes your brain kind of but the part has got a fun score too kind of irishy like this right yeah it's making me think of that Dropkick Murphy Yeah No but it's not that one

It's uh Fuck there's a There's I forgot what it's called It's like I think it's called like Cops and Criminals or something I forgot that Departed's fun though

What other podcast goes from cereal Top one To fucking movie scores Huh? We got range I don't know Yeah Departed's fucking good Yeah It's fun Ooh That is good Top one? To fucking movie scores, huh? We got range. I don't know. Yeah, Departed's fucking good.

Yeah, it's fun. Ooh, that is good. Man, The Departed's so fucking fun. It's a fun movie. You just want to see Irish guys beating people up and doing bad shit. Nicholson was a little over the top, but you love him because he's Nicholson. But it worked. Who cares? He's fucking great.

You let it go. Alec Baldwin's awful Boston accent, who's still hilarious. He has a bitch tit sweat, too, in one of the scenes on his dress shirt. I love that. Nice touch. Way to go. How's your... What did Wahlberg say? How's your father?

Tied from fucking my mother. Is that all there? What a weird thing to say about your parents. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, damn. There's so many good scenes in that. Oh, yeah.

Vera Farmiga. Yeah, she's hot. She was scenes in that oh yeah vera farmiga yeah she was something in that oh yeah there's a great g-string shot in that movie that i've uh replayed a few times at the old casa yeah that was a big thing back in the day like rewinding tits yeah well it's because we didn't have the same options exactly you know now you can just see you can see a guy get like a cucumber stuck up his ass you're kind kind of like, yeah, fine. But back in the day, you had to fucking, you'd have to be like, all right, fucking Faye Dunaway again. Yes. I'm jerking off the network.

This is few and far between. What we got to live through here? We watched Basic Instinct over and over. You can see on the tape, it had like little lines on it from the wear and tear. Everyone talks about Sharon Stone, but that G.N. Triplehorn. Well, yeah, I don't know Triplehorn. Oh, look her up. She's fucking hot as shit. Also a great slur for a Jew.

Triplehorn. Triplehorn. He's super Jewish. I feel like I'm Mark's token Jew that he gets to get away with this shit. I feel like Mark needs me here to make that shit. I do, yeah. Will Silvins is my token black. I say horrible shit around Wilsa Vince.

He loves it. Oh, I love him. Oh, I don't know. She's a little squinty for me. Oh, she's hot. A little suck on a lemon mug. Yeah. But, you know, wouldn't throw out of bed for eating crackers.

What the fuck does that mean? That's an old saying. Throw out of bed for eating crackers. I think that's a saying, right? It definitely saying right definitely all right i didn't make that up good i've never heard it it's pretty good oh you see this what guys do they buy this for 13 bucks some psycho how much does it cost to ruin it i'll tell you i'll tell you man you know you better put it behind glass yeah basic instinct was a big one i'll tell you it was a big one wild things oh i remember the video still with my mom and dad and i grabbed the vhs and i put it on the thing and my dad just goes no that's a good dad

i was i was like a 13 year old kid ready to jerk off to uh denise richards and nev campbell making out and you know it was a sleeper was species, species, species. Natasha Henstridge. Yes. You put it on the counter. Your mom's like, oh, some sci-fi horse shit. Here we go. Then you get home. You're like, ah, look at this lady.

That's what they were doing. They were trying to get kids. They got me. So was Epstein. Nine and a half. How about nine and a half weeks? Oh, yeah. A little too much food, though.

I get it. I get it. A little too little Mickey Rourke If you catch my drift Oh yeah dude Neve Campbell Fuck you dad Oh yeah

What's her name Denise Richards Hachi Machi I've done them both Damn Kevin Bacon's dong In this movie too Decent dong

Yeah he's got a nice piece on him Can we get a shot of the dong Nah that's not good We're gonna get kicked off YouTube We're gonna get thrown off YouTube for that. It was on YouTube. Yeah, they don't have dong on YouTube. Oh, yeah. Now we gotta go to the dark web to get some of Kevin Bacon's piece.

Let's just say Keira Sedgwick is a very lucky lady. Yes. Six inches of Kevin Bacon. Oh, man. Side can. Damn. You know who hates internet porn is Mr. Skin. Hates it? Oh. Well, he lost his whole biz, did he not? Mm-hmm. porn is Mr. Skin. Hates it? Oh.

Well, he lost his whole biz, did he not? Mm-hmm. Damn, Mr. Skin was a legend, though. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he broke the mold. All right, we got to wrap this thing up here, folks. Shit. We've been rolling.

I know. We were just getting our jizz bubbling. What do you got? You got a bit? Yeah, I got a bit. All right, hit me quick. Let me see what I got. Yeah, I don't have much good stuff let me see what i have um let's see what i got

this is probably nothing i just hit last night at new jokes there might be some legs here but uh i was reading this article about sex robots and it said like they're just like the real thing is that what you want oh yeah is that what you want is like a sex robot and like the second you're done they're like no it's great that you came but and then just like it's just landed the whole time the sexual was like no it's fine right it's fine yeah second what where do you want to eat i don't know what do you want i don't know whatever you want yeah that's funny it hit on new jokes and then wilson vince said uh he would fuck it he would he would fuck a sex robot and uh it got weird he was ripping about it he said i would

fuck a sex robot with you and i was like i would think would you ever do it i would do it as a goof you know i'm not i'm not into it at all i don't get it it's hard goof though it well it's hard to be like, gotcha. And your girlfriend sees it there. If somebody gave me one, I would fuck it once and then hate myself, you know, and put it in the dishwasher. But I think another funny thing is you could walk in the sex robots like that's what you're wearing. Where'd you get that shirt? You're like, oh, it's not my favorite.

Yeah. What funny Will said, everyone's talking about fleshlights. And I was like, by everyone, do you mean the two comics that are lingering outside the club tonight i don't think everyone is i think we hang out with a shady class of character yeah yeah i don't think i don't think my dad is talking about uh fleshlights no that's true i also i have my hand i don't know i don't i never got the fleshlight thing i gotta fuck this thing i don't know yeah i guess that's not true i used to fuck my my bed they probably feel better i don't know. I don't, I never got the fleshlight thing. I got to fuck this thing. I don't know. Yeah. I guess that's not true. I used to fuck my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, down a dark road here yeah even like a lady thing it i get it you know but a dick your dick was in

there then you jizz in it i don't know it just feels a little little rank a little dirty like not dirty as in metaphorically dirty but like literally gross it's got sticky shit in it but i think that's funny mike cannon used to have a bit about cleaning the flashlight oh there you go you never think about having to clean it. Exactly. It's a good point. Yeah, you're just laying next to it like, oh. It's like with a woman, like a one-night stand.

Oh, that's another funny thing. The only difference between a sex robot and the real thing is these are a lot easier to get rid of. Oh, that's good. Uh-huh. Yeah, the fleshlight is... Isn't that batteries? Is it a... I don't think it has batteries.

What is it? It's just a tube with a i think it's a tube i think i think it's gas powered oh my god yeah yeah i like it i think there's a lot there the the sex robot yeah that's funny it's a funny angle but it's harder to yeah that's the upside you throw a sex robot out a window you're gonna get some dirty looks right right you throw you throw a flashlight no one's gonna, you're going to get some dirty looks. Right, right. You throw a flashlight, no one's going to really notice. Yeah, I used to have an old bit that never worked about sex robots. They're easy to get rid of, but it's almost more embarrassing to throw a fake woman in a dumpster.

You're like, oh, I'm a serial killer. Because you don't want people to know it's a sex robot. It never hit. That's funny. I thought it was something. What do you got? All right, how about this one? So I was in Tennessee and there was like a gender neutral bathroom protest.

You know, people are like, it's a man and a woman bathroom. I don't want this. I don't want to shit next to a trans person. And I thought, hey, I don't want to shit next to a trans person either, i don't want to shit next to anybody shitting is embarrassing yeah it's not about the trans it's about the body exactly yeah and then i say i do like two bathrooms but i think we should go bathroom for pissing bathroom for shitting that's the that's the split because i don't mind shitting next to a trans person if they're also shitting that's really what it comes down to and then i talk about how we all we all talk about our differences women would never go for this though ah you might be

right women women would never go for the egan shit i mean who do you think came up with like poo puri and the the pooping with a candle it wasn't a man but we're not that considerate gender neutral bathrooms they're we're shitting together anyway that's gender neutral yeah that's what i'm saying yeah oh i see i see yeah i was thinking of like the men's and women's right but the point is we all we talk about is our differences i'm black i'm white i'm gay i'm trans i'm queer what about the fact that we all shit let's come together on that you know that's the you're black i'm white but we're all making the brown oh all right is that horrible you turned salad gears off i know man you went green on me we all poop um we all poop everybody that was a children's book everybody that's right everybody

poof sometime i don't know it's it's a fun idea the the shitting issue i have with it is that if you're doing gender neutral bathrooms aren't those usually uh one-offs no the bathroom at my pizzeria is a mixed bathroom just has stalls that's what i've seen guys and gals and trans and anybody can go in it at any time you just pick your stall yeah so you could be shitting next to a woman or a trans man or how do you feel about that man i don't i like my bathrooms on my only me too especially for a poop you just want to alone of course yeah i think that's mark's point maybe it's like i don't like zipping up i walk out zipping up and i'm seeing like women in front of me it's yeah it's

weird it's awful you got to take your pants back off and start jerking off again that must be terrible for you what uh but that's my point is like you want to shit with people who are also shitting at least yeah i don't know i don't know it's like we all shit we all pee hmm maybe there's nothing here did it play when it's hitting yeah it's hitting but does the brown line hit that hits but that that reaction makes me want to quit comedy. So who knows? The brown. We all do it. We should come together on that instead of how different we are. Because to me, the embarrassing thing is the shitting.

No one wants to come together. No one on Fox News is going to be like, guys, I know that the country's going through some hard times, but come on, we all poop. Yeah. You'll never hear Tucker be like, we poop. Come on. And you got Italian food, Mexican food.

It all comes out the same. You know, we're all the same. You got something here. Uh-huh. It all comes out the same. Right. Yeah. No matter what you're eating.

Right. It comes out the same. Cultures, ethnicities, customs. But it's all the same color in the end. We're all the same. And the poo is a symbol of that. I don't want to do a full on shit chunk here. It'd be funny if this turned really preachy.

He was like, guys, we're poop. Yeah. That's America. Oh, yeah. And I'm corny. All right. All right. Where are we going?

I'm already late. I'm all over the fucking place, dude. Where are you going to be? I'm going to be, where am I going to be? Chicago, I think, is already sold out. We're not adding any, though. That's nice. Yeah, that's going to be nice.

Denver, I need you guys there. Not sold out yet. I'd love to. It's doing fine, but I'd like to sell that out. Phoenix, San Francisco, Cobbs. We got Dallas. Nice. jobs uh we got uh dallas nice we got possibly miami charlotte it should be up soon charlotte comedy zone good room yeah samuel.com slash shows chickity check that shit out yeah i gotta give a shout out to nashville by the way uh just a great club zany's lucy was awesome she's she's great

caleb signing opened i mean just a great club zany's lucy was awesome she's she's great caleb signing open i mean just a great beast killer under rate like a sleeper everybody talking about denver and and madison i feel like denver madison are fucking incredible though yeah all right dr grins coming up in michigan portland oregon at helium laugh boston can't wait brea california vancouver at the house of comedy. New Orleans. I got to get to Vancouver, man. Beautiful city. That's one of the best cities.

Are they weird with the border stuff or what? Oh, I don't know. I've been there before. It was fine. I just feel like during COVID. Oh, yeah. Good point. Shit.

I got to get vaxxed. Royal Oak, Atlanta, Buckhead Theater. Do you have the enhanced driver's license? Because you can travel to Canada without a passport. What? I got to get that because I forget the passport every time. Get that shit, dude. All right.

What was the last one? Atlanta. Oh, yeah, the theater. Buckhead Theater. Oh, and Milwaukee we added. Milwaukee's got an improv now. I didn't even know that. Yeah, I heard.

I heard it's good. Oh, yeah. I think Soder's there this weekend. Oh, beautiful. Oh, shout out to Jeffrey Awesomest who featured in Indianapolis in his murdering. Funny, funny dude. Chicago. Oh, beautiful. Oh, shout out to Jeffrey Awesomest who featured in Indianapolis in his murdering. Funny, funny dude. Chicago. Oh, okay. I think he won funniest guy in Madison.

I could be wrong. But hey, good times. Keep drinking. Subscribe to the Patreon. Email us wemightbedrunkpod at gmail.com and the Patreon is patreon.com slash wemightbedrunkpod. drunk pod yeah man questions drinks peeves tips movies wrecks whatever you got sally thank you man on the ones and twos sorry this got heavy

at times i'm you know i thought it was good we're dissecting we're discussing no one's discussing thank you Thank you.