We Might Be Drunk - Ep 51: The Musical

Episode Date: November 29, 2021

This Episode is brought to you by Honey and Lucy Send us emails [e-mail] Gin & Tonic: Mix Gin with Tonic twist of lime Visit www.GothamPodcastStudio.com/WMBD to enter for free Sheath Underwear! Mark Normand and Sam Morril can be seen on the road at a club near you. Visit MarkNormandComedy.com and SamMorril.com for more details! Join the Patreon for bonus episodes weekly and more bonus content: Patreon.com/WeMightBeDrunkPodW Send us emails [e-mail] Send us mail: Gotham Podcast Studio 39 West 38th Street, 10th Fl New York, NY 10018

We might be drunk, we might be drunk, as long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit, pep heaps, wrecks, and a bit, maybe drunk. We might be drunk, yeah. Ah, here we are. We might be drunk. We're back. We're off the road. We're in Manhattan. It's holiday season. Woo-wee! What are we drinking today? We got some gin and tonics for you guys.

The bear-jew transitioned fully. Not really a cold-weather drink, but what the hell? What the hell? It's nice in here. You know what these... Thank you, Internal Affairs. It's great what what's great about these is you have them while you're waiting for the family you know when the food's cooking you throw a few of these in yeah and you can handle your aunt i love a gin

and tonic oh yeah i prefer like the soda i don't the sugar just you don't think of tonic as having sugar i know but it's got sugar i just don't like the sugar just you just feel gross yeah you don't poison i can do it's the sugar you don't taste it either isn't that weird when there's sugar in something and you don't taste sugary yeah so it's a waste yeah what i'm getting the calories and none of the sweet yeah it's like when you find out you're like fig newtons you're like they're not even that healthy i know remember snack wells oh pull up snack wells oh you got the malamars malamars don't get me started on uh devil's food bullshit all that shit um was it snack wells malamars here's my issue with malamars there's too much going on pick a lane you got you got the you got the marshmallow the graham

cracker crust and the is that graham cracker? What is it? It's just a cookie. Cookie crust. Cookie crust. Cookie crust. They're good. It's not my go-to.

I'm a simple man. I didn't realize until just this moment, but that's a s'more. No, a s'more is a comedian. She's a black lady comedian. Remember Geraldo's gross joke on her? He goes, when it comes to comedy shows, we could use some less. Oh. That was great. I actually opened for her once at Caroline's. oh once the caroline did you she was great yeah she seems cool super cool i mean she's been through the ringer yeah all those older black comics are like seasoned yeah and you know much

like well those black shows when you're coming up or like sorry i go by old bay uh no those black shows. I remember Mike Lawrence and I used to go to Mocha's Lounge. Oh, yeah. Remember that? I went to a few of those with Smokey. Smokey. Yeah, he was cool.

Super cool. Super funny. And you see these guys up in these Harlem rooms, and you're like, you guys are all amazing, but you'll never make it. You're all like 64. You're smoking on stage. You're killing. You got a cane. You got diabetes. You're calling the lady in the front row a hoe murdering and they're all brilliant

and hilarious but they're just stuck in harlem sad it's a fun room though and i remember watching lawrence just do like uh comic book references that they're just like what we don't fucking watch this shit that motherfucker's an aquaman but then you know i i had i remember i had one i i remember i had one joke killing there that was just like phil i mean it gave you confidence you're like it's a different type of crowd oh yeah it's coliseum it's either this or this you know there's not much in the middle either crushed or they booed you they smell fear you're dead oh yeah and you got to try not to do the token white guy because that's that's what your brain's like just get out just do the token white guy it's easy they'll love it but you got to be you yeah first time i went full token really yeah i was scared and they played some like two chains to bring me up and i was like two chains why not one and they're like this motherfucker corny you know just uh i had to play ball you know corny is like the highest

praise from a black crowd no what's bad no highest play praise is you crazy or you're stupid stupid stupid all insults yeah i know stupid like you moron you're like little dick you're like all right cut it out we love you no no you're stupid that's stupid while they're laughing is good oh he's stupid yeah that's good or uh yeah what else is good uh crazy's good crazy's good yeah he don good. Yeah. He don't play. I don't know. Well, that was the Martin Lawrence special. You so crazy.

That's right. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Also Richard Pryor's special. Oh, and that N-word's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. That's tough asking for the record. I know.

I know. I don't want to. I have some records at home that I want to put up, and I'm like, I can't put a bicentennial N-word on my wall. Oh, I got that. That's on my wall. Really? Yeah. Right next to Cosby and then Woody Allen.

I got an Epstein record up there. He did a Christmas album. I forgot. Jelaine's Greatest Hits, my favorite. The 12 Kids of Christmas. All right. Yeah, man. I mean, we can try them.

I'm not. I've never had one. Maybe I'll be wrong. I haven't had them forever because I'm a simple man. I, I don't, I mean, we can try them. I'm not. I love, I've never had one. I, maybe I'll be wrong. I haven't had them forever. Cause I'm, I'm a simple man. I like like a Lorna Dune. I want a shortbread cookie with my coffee. Lorna Dune.

What's that? Sounds like a writer for the Times. Yeah. Who's Lorna Dune? Have you read Lorna Dune's review on the symphony? It sounds like a, like a women's, uh, mystery writer. Yeah. The Lorna Dune. What is a Lorna Dune? It's like a women's mystery writer. Yeah, yeah.

The Lorna Dune. What is a Lorna Dune? It's that little thing. Oh, yeah. I've seen those. Those are good cookies, man. I don't know. Just that box looks like my grandma's house. I wouldn't walk right past that.

I thought you were going to say your grandma's box. No, that's a lot dustier. But, oh, hey, thank you. Wow, these are beautiful. Yeah. here but uh oh hey thank you wow these are beautiful yeah uh i thought it looks like a uh macaroon yes which sounds like a racial slur by the way a couple of macaroons i remember your old bit about uh how every chinese restaurant the names just sound like a slur yes you goddamn golden noodles uh let's see panda king panda king was the big one

yeah that that was like my big first big bit in new york that's good it is good oh that was wrong the shell the candy shell i'll give it to the big man to admit you it's a big man okay big man really seems to get everybody drink this is pretty good that's, wow, that's great. It's just very rich. Like, first few bites are good, but, like, how many of these can you eat? I guess that's good. They're only available, like, November to January.

You can't get them. It's like the McRib of candy. Is that true? Yeah, yeah, they shut it down. Why did they shut it down? I don't know. Maybe it's, like, too rich. Maybe it's a marketing thing.

They know you'll buy it more if it's special. Yeah. Like a prostitute. They got me. Yeah, what? They got me. Yeah, they got you. These are great. You know you'll buy it more if it's special. Yeah. I like the year round. Yeah. What? They got me. Yeah, they got you. These are great.

You know what's great about it? There's a lot going on, but they make it work. They keep it in line. Now, the secret is to freeze them. Oh, boy. Yeah, that's a real treat. All right. Yeah.

That sounds good. Yeah. Freezing candy like Charleston Chew Frozen, pretty good. I think I brought that up before. I don't like hard food, so I'm not into the freezing. Yeah, you don't freeze ever? No, I don't freeze. No freeze.

I'm anti-freeze. Hey. All right. How about the fridge? Will you do the fridge? I'll do fridge, but freezer just makes things hard. I can't have a crouton. I can't have a Biscoff.

And the candy, to to me that's a perfect candy i'm not gonna ruin it with making it hard yeah i wonder i wonder if the people who are in charge i'm sure they don't care but maybe there's like some you know malamar purists out there who are like you don't freeze it right that's not how you consume the malamar yes now there is a bar called frozen you ever had one of those no No, no. It's called a Zero. Oh, we brought this up. Oh, sorry. Zero is meant to be frozen because like zero degrees. How about those ice cream

candy bars? You get like a Twix or Snickers ice cream bar or a Choco Taco. Those are so good that you feel guilty eating them. You know? Yeah, I've never gotten one of those not high. I don't think that's like that's like a high person that's what you crave that's so true the twix the twix ice cream bars oh i don't

know snickers is hard to beat but oh shit i had a point damn it oh tom paul f tompkins used to have this great bit he's like what's better cake or pie and everybody's yelling cake pie pie goes cake is better because it has frosting and when you eat frosting you feel shame that's how good it is it was it was a great bit i remember that bit it was like a long bit long bit he could really milk yeah he was good gross so good uh his first album impersonal give that a, he could really milk like a prostitute as well. What, uh, yeah, Malamar's, these are pretty good, Matt. I gotta give it to you. And I feel like I wouldn't have like ten of these,

which is nice. Like, I have Oreos. I mean the whole box. Oh, yeah. Oreos are fucking good. And now they have too many flavors though. They're getting carried away. I do like that Double Stuff, though. Double Stuff is, I mean, that's, you know what we like and you gave it to us. Yes, exactly. I like the blonde one, though, too. I like that double stuff, though. Double stuff is, I mean, that's, you know what we like. Yes. And you gave it to us. Yes, exactly. Exactly.

I like the blonde one, though, too. I like the. I don't know the blonde. Yeah, I like the, maybe it's not called the blonde. Maybe it's just called the honky. I don't know what it's called, but. I prefer the interracial, the original. Black and white.

It's pretty good, but dude, I like the, and something about an Oreo that's pretty classic. Yeah, I agree. Now, let me ask you this. Tomorrow is Hanukkah, or the first day. No, it is. It's Hanukkah Oreo that's pretty classic. Yeah, I agree. Now, let me ask you this. Tomorrow is Hanukkah or the first day. No, it is. It's Hanukkah. It's day six. Oh, we're already on day six?

Yeah. Wow, it flew by. Do you do stuff? Do you get a gift every day? Do you give a gift? What are we doing? Do you circumcise? I don't know.

Everything's gotten weird. It's like how many things are we going to do? I mean- It's a lot of things. I want to get my folks something. But yeah i mean i don't my my i remember a tell you stuff a bit about like how my family was cheap you know they'd be like you know night one you get a bike handlebars you know yeah and then builds to a bike goes to a bike but like yeah i mean it was like everyone says like hanukkah's better because,

not everyone, there's a few Jews. I don't think everyone's saying Hanukkah's better. That came out wrong. A few proud boys. Disagree. A few proud boys.

They're like, actually, Hanukkah's pretty cool. The God is there. No, you get eight crazy nights, so that's the whole thing. But then it's like, the truth is,

they kind of, it's usually one cool thing and a bunch of like, guys like on night one, Hanukkah chocolates, gelt. And you're just like, all right. Socks, shit that you love as an adult, but as a kid, you're just like, I mean, as an adult, socks are, you guys want those socks I got you, right? Yeah, as an adult, it's fine. But as a kid, socks.

As a kid, it's brutal. It's like vegetables. You appreciate it as an adult. Well said. The sock is the vegetable of gifts. Yeah. You don't get it till later. Yeah, it's brutal. It's like vegetables. You appreciate it as an adult. Well said. The sock is the vegetable of gifts. Yeah. You don't get it till later. Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, I don't know. And Terry Shiver is the vegetable of people. Oh, man. Yes. Whatever happened to her? I don't think it ended well. Ah, they pulled a plug? Yeah.

Oh, good. Well, you know, she went peacefully. I don't know. I think that looks rough. I think there's like a nine- year fight between her parents and her husband. The husband said, pull the plug. Parents said no. Oh, wow.

It's also a great. It's a great symbol for that. This country can't agree on anything. I know. I know. That was Kyle Rittenhouse of its day. That's what it was. And then what's up with Kevorkian?

Remember that guy? Oh, Dr. Death. Dr. Death. That guy was the king. I mean, is it wrong? What do you think? Let's have a debate. I mean, I went to him with strep and he said I should kill myself.

I thought that was rough. You're like, I got to zit. And he's like, do it. End it. Put the gun down, Dr. Jesus. Yeah, I mean, people wanted to die and he helped them. I don't know. Some could say he's a hero.

Yeah, Pacino played him in a movie. Oh helped them. I don't know. Some could say he's a hero. Yeah. Pacino played him in a movie. Oh, yeah. I'm killing people. Oh, yeah. She was a whore. Grab the patient's face. You broke my heart.

I knew it was you. So, Sam, as a New York Jew, how do you spell Hanukkah? What's the proper? I go with the H, the classic, but people do the CH. Who does that? Israelis do CH? I don't know. American Jews do H?

I don't even know the difference. I don't know the difference either, but I will tell you, I go H. Why are we confusing people here? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I only celebrate Juneteenth. Mark's a Kwanzaa man.

Yes, the celebration of lights. No idea what Kwanzaa is. Hanukkah's fun. I mean, Sandler made me feel like cool to be a Jew as a kid. There weren't like a lot of those. But the Hanukkah song, you're like, all right. Sandler really kind of helped that. He really did.

He put it on the map. Woody Allen, as a kid, I liked. But he wasn't cool. Sandler was like a cool Jew. Yes was he was cute and funny and he listed that's how far off jews were he had to list jews to be like look you like us you know he had to be like paul newman's half yeah it was a great song yeah paul newman's half jewish goldie haunt's have to put them together what a fine looking jew that was classic dude yeah he's like oh sorry no as a non-jew in louisiana i heard that song i was like this is great and it was informative

i didn't know about any of that shit yeah it was great i mean look we got some you know maury stoudemire from the new york knicks uh he converted whoa yeah we got some cool people all right that helped the oldewish team a lot. Otherwise, we're looking at guys from the 1950s like Dolph Shays before black people played and we're like, yeah, that's most of the Jewish team. Although the Israeli team is good now. I mean, Omri Caspi, there's some good Jews. You got Koufax.

Oh, yeah. Koufax was a man. And Edelman on a- Julian Edelman? Yeah. I don't know if he's- Is he Jewish? I assume with that name.

He might not be though. Yeah. This can't be a realist pick. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, dude. He's going all in with the hat. He's like a pilgrim. Look at that.

Yeah. I love it. Love Damari. He seemed like a good guy. Now, what's his- I mean, I know Sammy Davis went Jewish. I think for marriage. I think for marriage. Yeah think for marriage, yeah.

And then I don't know, what do you think he's doing it for? I think he had just really... Blood? Yeah. All right, how about that? Sam, can you... Can he play on Saturday? Can you check what's on the table here and vet this?

Is this all legit? I mean, what is that, grape juice? Oh, looks like a little prune juice. I see matzah. Some manischewitz yeah i'm not a great jew i'll be honest it's more my cultural aspects but yeah i mean matzah i i like passover i like the story of passover i like uh hanukkah i mean i do the classics i'm not i'm not i'm not rocking in there for sukkot you know i'm there for like you know the the high holidays

yeah i i just am jealous as a big fat atheist nihilist you know nothing matters guy it's got to be nice to have something in your past your background you know ethnicity in a way i mean i don't know i don't know yeah it's it's i mean it's probably not that different than what you're living though honestly that's true i mean it's probably not that different than what you're living though honestly yeah that's true I mean it's a pastor I like those holidays like Passover because it's like oh you just come you see family it's like almost like you know the way you see family on Thanksgiving it's nice yeah stressful but when Weinstein gets popped or made off or Epstein your mom's like oh we don't have that in my house we're just like whitey is very uh we're loners we don't

care i don't care about other whitey i'm not like yes rittenhouse got off you know he's white there were there were there are those guys you're not just oh yeah good point but i mean uh yeah we were a smaller portion of the population so it's a little more personal i think you know i mean there's a part of me when I see Facebook, all the high-ups at Facebook, like Zuckerberg, Sandberg. I'm like, can we get a fucking O'Malley in there? Can we mix up the blame, please? Right, right.

But you guys, you handle shit. You run the office. The way a black guy will run the court. I think Kyle Rittenhouse handled shit in one way. Good point, good point. Yeah, he got shit done. That was his defense. That guy will run the quarry. I think Kyle Rittenhouse handled shit in one way. Oh, yeah, good point, good point. Yeah, he got shit done. That was his defense.

He got shit done. Yeah. Was his lawyer Jewish? I don't know, actually. I mean, the odds would say yes. Give it a go. There's a Rittenhouse rye. Oh, really?

Yeah, Rittenhouse, the liquor. I wonder if they're're just like, it didn't have to be Rittenhouse. Right. It's like our friend Joe Zimmerman. He's like, come on. You're killing me here. You think orange juice when OJ did it was like, God damn it. Well, Corona beer.

Corona. Yeah, there's a million of them. Oh, Delta. Delta. Yeah, I'm sure they're furious. Mark Richards. All right. Probably a goy.

Probably a goy. Relate to Michael, though, who dropped the N-word. Oh, my God. Woo! We're rolling. What is this you got up here? This photo's beautiful. Is that a Midnight Cowboy?

No, it's close. It's Dennis Hopper. What movie? American Friend. They're playing a Dennis Hopper movie at the Metrograph. Which one? I forgot the name of it. The last movie?

No, it was from the early 80s. It was with... Oh, this could be an American friend. Maybe. Dennis Hopper was a cool dude. Oh, yeah. Very cool dude. Yeah.

Very cool art collector. He's an amazing photographer as well. Really? Amazing photographer. If you're listening to this and you've never seen the classics like Easy Rider, it's kind of Nicholson's breakout role too. I mean, Easy Rider is incredible. Yeah, that's a fun movie.

Five Easy Pieces is in there for Nicholson too. Yeah, but this was before that. This was his first. That was, I think, his... What about... I'll tell you. Can I give you my records? You kind of gave me a good set up for it.

Shout out to my buddy, Alex Brazell. I know Al. Al is a great guy. Love him. Dude, he texts me and he, he just texts me noir stuff all the time. He's into noir.

So he'll be like, have you seen Detour? I'm like, yeah, it's gonna be seen out of the past. I'm like, I have a big, I got a out of the past poster framed above my desk.

I love it. I love that movie. Robert Mitchum. Anyways, like you got to get the criterion collection. Here's my law. He gave me his Mitchum. Anyways, like, you got to get the Criterion Collection. Here's my log. He gave me his login, which I'm like, I'm going to have to just buy it to support it because it's so cool. Dude, the Criterion Collection, the categories are like Old New York.

Oh, wow. Fox Noir. You know, like, Vehicles with Robert Mitchum. Like, these are all the categories. I'm like, this fucking rules. Wow. So, I saw Colin Quinn categories. I'm like, this fucking rules. Wow. So I saw Colin Quinn do something.

Did you see it? For Criterion. Yes. And I didn't know most of the movies. He does his picks, like his top 10. And they put him just in a room of all the Criterion movies. And he's pulling them off the shelves. And I watched what? Watched his best 10 movies.

YouTube recommended a couple after. So I watched like Paul Dano and Michael Cera in there too. Whoa. And they were both great. They're both. I saw Safdie Brothers did it as well. What? Yeah.

It's cool. Are these on YouTube? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. They're really fun. Yeah. Well, I didn't know like any of the movies Quinn was referencing. So I felt dumb.

And I saw a lot of them are obviously on there because it's the Criterion. So I'm like, I got to watch these. I love it. So that's my rec. And they've got one of my favorite movies on there. So this comes with another rec. It's an Otto Preminger film noir from the 40s starring Dana Andrews, Clifton Webb, and Gene Tierney called Laura. It's incredible.

Laura. It's one of my favorite movies of all time. I've seen it probably five times. I own it on DVD. Wow. But they have it on Criterion. I've never heard of it either. It's excellent.

And Gene Tierney was a smoke show. Femme Fatale. Did she try to kill them? I can't. I don't want to give the plot away. 44. Dana Andrews was a very good actor. Very underrated.

More like a modern actor. Okay. But very kind of understated for that time. And Clifton Webb rules. It's just a cool ass movie. I love it. All right But he was good. And Clifton Webb rules. It's just a cool ass movie. I love it. All right. What a great name, Clifton Webb.

Oh, he ruled. He was great. All right. I'm down. So that's my rec. Well, give me a rec. Well, I was going to say something similar to this, actually. But my mom got me that Masterclass bullshit.

Whoa. It's pretty good. Well, who are you watching? I watched the Steve Martin one, and then there's a Scorsese one. There's all these great directors and comedians and stuff and writers. What's his face? Paul Thomas Anderson, Daniel Day-Lewis. I mean, the list goes on.

They got good people, and it's really good. Paul Thomas Anderson has a new movie out. Yeah. That looks more like kind of not like his type of movie. Right. It looks a little softer, like a little more personal. Coming of age high school teen movie. Philip Seymour Hoffman.

What? His son. Is that right? Yeah, Cooper Hoffman, I think. What? How do you feel about this? Because it's like Gandolfini's son, Philip Seymour Hoffman. I'm for it.

You're for it? I'm for it, yeah. But it is kind of a weird form of nepotism. Like I know Hollywood runs on nepotism, but to me it is a little – I saw Tim Dillon, I thought, make a great point about this where he said – It's nothing new though. I mean, Jamie Lee Curtis, his daughter of Tony Curtis and Gwyneth Paltrow's dad was – Oh, and Janet Leigh was her mother. Yeah, there you go.

Yeah. Debbie Reynolds and Burt Reynolds. mother. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. Debbie Reynolds and Burt Reynolds. Sure. Liza Minnelli. Yeah. Liza Minnelli, yeah. Well, also Nicolas Cage is Coppola's nephew, right? Yeah, there we go.

Jason Schwartzman, I think, is related. So it's all that. Sophia Coppola. But I will say, like, Tim Dillon made a great point. He goes, you're depriving the world of the next real James Gandolfini. No. Because he could have gotten that role that's good i think that's a pretty pretty damn good point but the next james

gandolfini should be his son i mean it's literally his blood it's well but we got james gandolfini out of nowhere okay and now i think there's someone who's maybe his age who's been training though too so i'm you know i thought his son was i the movie was tough for me but i thought his son was was good. But I'm just saying. Yeah, what if every comic was related to Jerry Lewis? Well, we've dealt with that. We dealt with some comics who were related to famous comics coming up.

Oh, that's right. And they didn't always do the work. Yes, a lot of coasting on the looks. I don't know who we're talking about here. They were doing so much coasting, I put my drink on their head, I'll tell you. Oh my God. You know? Do you want to see this that's the singer from hame the band are we allowed to do this with that are we allowed to

play a video not too much uh all right that's enough did you give it 20 seconds become such a hot shot actually oh you're already past 20 that's what i Maybe give it 20 seconds. Become such a hot shot actor. Oh, you're already past 20. That's what I'm meant to do. Whoa, this looks more Wes Anderson-y. It looks like Noah Baumbach or something. Do you know who I am? Yeah. Oh, nice.

Do you know who my girlfriend is? Bob Scheisand? We should probably cut it so we don't get demonetized. Yeah, Bradley Cooper, nice to see him pop in. Crazy that he's just he started as a dude from wedding crashers yeah i know you re-watch that movie and you're like he was a nobody in that movie and then you re-watch you're like he kind of steals a lot of this movie he's fucking funny and then the hangover he's the lead yeah so yeah he really uh came through and

then he's an american hustle and all the silver linings silver linings yeah he's a leading man now yeah he's good man I think he got plugs. Really? Well, give it an old goog on a pick on old- I like the stars. They're like, he's great. They're like, yeah, I think he's cheating. Yeah. What is that called?

Yeah, he's got thinning hair in the early days. And then now he's got a full beauty on top. Well, Steve Carell got that clearly, right? But it looks good. Looks good. Kimmel, Seth MacFarlane, Joe McHale. I mean, that's like serious hair. Maybe not.

Maybe I'm wrong. Well, I actually photographed him right after Wedding Crashers. Yeah? I may have it on my computer. We'll see what his hair looks like. If you got the money, hey, fuck it. This is some real detective work. Nice guy or what do you think?

Very nice guy. Yeah. This is it. I don't think there's a good version of it. Beautiful eyes. Oh, that's a good photo, man. Oh, thanks, man. Where is that?

An alley on Canal, off Canal. Wow. Yeah, his hair looks great there. Okay, maybe I'm wrong. Yeah. The allegations won't stand. Okay, well, give me Kimmel and McFarlane Do you think Kimmel has plugs?

I guarantee he has plugs This is what men do We sit around looking at old hairlines Look at this one I got sidetracked, sorry Jude Law, but that's no secret Remember Jude Law? Chris Rock made fun of Jude Law

At the Oscars that year And Sean Penn came out and he was like but that's no secret remember remember jude law uh chris rock made fun of jude law at the oscars that year and sean penn came out and he was like jude law is one of the finest actors yeah he's joking he was so they're so defensive i'm like jesus fucking christ you're getting blown the whole evening a couple jokes exactly jude law i'm looking for tom cruise something like that what um damn i just read something about like Sean Penn. I didn't know this, that he like abused the shit out of Madonna. Really? Look it up.

Beat her up? Like tied her to a chair and beat her. Oh, a little army hammer action. Well, he didn't eat her. That's true. Beat her. So, yeah, I'm not finding Kimmel hair plugs at all. Ah, you're losing your skills.

Mark's making a lot of fucking allegations here i don't know it's my screensaver all these guys with no hair i could show you this shit in two seconds come on what are you what are you typing in jimmy kimmel hair plugs you gotta go jimmy kimmel he got his people got that wiped maybe they did they might have scrubbed it uh-huh i mean if you can't find mcfarland oh i didn't i think they scrubbed mcfarland's uh he's a good looking guy good looking guy underrated looks oh yeah i mean because he's but that's isn't that great that your looks are underrated because that means you're phony ah good point i mean dude i was

i was watching ted again the other day it's fucking great so funny we all watched in vancouver in my hotel room it was like you me carmen lynch gary veder yes so funny phil hanley yeah even number two was funny by the way i was at phil hanley's uh recording i saw you there too you were photographing phil crushed it shout out to phil hanley it's gonna be a great special marcus russell price who made it look awesome and did end. Did a great job. Love you, Marcus. Proud of both of you guys. Phil, he did such a great job. Did some crowd work, got loose. It was cool to see comics show up for him.

Yeah. You're like, Louie's in the back. Aziz is in the back. It was pretty great. I'm proud of him. And you know what? I went as well. And Phil, after, was beaming, which is so rare because comics hate ourselves.

We hate our act. We're worried about it. That was the one. You get one shot, shot and he was happy with it that's how you know it's good he was proud and and it's a long time overdue i mean i think he should have done this a while ago but i'm glad he did it till he was like finally ready but you know uh we got to take the power back as comics man hell yeah because you don't want to wait on people to give you shit and a lot of people are waiting and you really you got to make your own shit. Totally. I mean, Ronan, there it is. Ronan's doing one.

Joe List is doing another one. Stavros is doing one. I mean, YouTube is the move, baby. So it looks like he's getting canceled there. He's like, this motherfucker touched me. Damn, that's a great. Who took that photo? Salicus.

Wow. We got to get that guy working again. Look at that scarf. I know, right? Jesus. Saw a lot of people. guy working again. Look at that scarf. I know right? Jesus. Saw a lot of people. It was great to be home man. It's the best club. After Phil's thing I hung out there till like 3 in the morning. I just couldn't leave. I was there on the street and I run into our friend Rami Youssef who I haven't seen forever you know. His old friend. I haven't seen him in ages and we're talking for like you know 20 minutes on the street. He's just one of those

like ah dude. Yeah. And immediately some woman, you know, 20 minutes on the street. It's just one of those like, ah, dude. Yeah. And immediately some woman, we were probably 10 minutes in the comic. Some woman walks up to Rami with her husband. She goes, your show changed our life. And then as that's happening, a crazy guy walks over to me and he's like, let me talk to you, dude. This is like the two different New York experiences you have. The one guy getting blown and this other guy just being like, let have money on me, dude. Oh, God. This is like the two different New York experiences you have. The one guy getting blown. And this other guy just being like, let me talk to you, dude.

I'm like, I don't have money on me, dude. I haven't done my spots yet. I don't have cash. Yeah, that's New York. It's funny because I live in my neighborhood. I live by Ronnie Chang. And we bump into each other all the time. And he's the sweetest guy on the sidewalk.

He's a sweet guy all all the time but he's like how are you how are things going he like puts his hand on your shoulder pocket in your buddy but then you see his stand-up he's like chinese people fucking smell i love him but he's so good i text i told him to come on here man and he he couldn't do i tried to get him uh i think for the next one he's not available but he's he said he wants to come on here, man, and he couldn't do. I tried to get him, I think, for the next one. He's not available, but he said he wants to come on. Busy guy. And he'll drink with us. Oh, yeah?

I've gone to bars with him. He'll put him back. Ronnie Chang, great. I was going to Australia. Great guy. He brought me like a spreadsheet of all these restaurants and bars. This is where you need to go. You got to go here.

I mean, he's like a savant when it comes to where to eat and drink. We'd hoop together in the park a lot, too. He was fun to play with because he actually plays D. He's got discipline. I like it, you know? Yeah, yeah. A lot of guys you play with, they don't play D. They're costing you buckets.

That guy goes all in, and I respect it. There you go, Ronnie. I had to follow him the other night at the cellar. He murdered so hard. He made fun of Will Silvins for like 10 minutes. It was killer. We got to get Will on here, too. We got to get Will. Oh, man. He murdered so hard. He made fun of Will Silvins for like 10 minutes. It was killer. We got to get Will on here, too. We got to get Will.

Oh, man. He's the best. Can you tell us about that hang after the Hanley special? Because it seemed pretty epic. Epic hang. It was at the cellar. We had the big, long table in the middle. Hanley's lady is there, and Brian Hamilton, and Godfrey.

Hanley's lady? Doesn't he have a lady? I don't think so. Oh, he was schmoozing up pretty good with some. Hamlet's lady. Doesn't he have a lady? I don't think so. Oh, he was schmoozing up pretty good with some brown-skinned lady. That's his type. Oh, yeah. That's why I assumed. Yeah.

But I think you might be right because I was like, hey, how are you? How do you put up with him? She's like, what are you doing? I was like, she doesn't get it. She's not funny. But maybe that was that. Yeah. Pretty hot.

Nice. So I assumed. Hey. Phil's a hot guy. She's a funny. But maybe that was that. Yeah. Pretty hot. Nice. So I assumed. Hey. Phil's a hot guy. She's a hot Indian. I figured that was a match. But yeah, Ron was there.

List was there. Sarah was there. It was a great time. Yeah. And it was a great special. So I was there for like most of the first special, the first taping. Then I was like, I'll watch the first half of the second. But I was like, I couldn't leave. I i was like i just want to see the whole thing so yeah so after the show dance after the show someone came up to me and congratulated me

for warming up the crowd so well i don't know who that's an insult on you who's taking these pics they're great it's me wow what do you think he's just pulling up none just setting him up he's uh he looks uh he looks great there he looks like he's wearing the uh fake nose and glasses oh my god he kind of has like todd phillips vibe and road in uh no old school when he walks in he goes i'm here for the gangbang he's got that vibe a little bit in this picture Ted is a throwback to like those uh filthy raunchy comedies they don't make them anymore I think you can get away with it with a toy with a bear you know because he's like going yeah and all this shit and uh it's a bear so it's cute yeah I kind of miss that a little bit oh yeah I said you know Greg Giraldo roast thing last night and it's like there was a time where you can kind of just say whatever and people knew you were like a good person and kidding and now it's kind of like

well what did what did this really mean like what you have to think about the impact of the jokes and you're like well these are just friends joking around exactly yeah he talked about laurie kermartin's tits for two seconds i don't remember that one oh it was great he's like laurie kermartin you got big tits i mean if i titty fuck you uh you might not even see me it's like you're the only person here his tits are bigger than patrice's oh wow but now that way you could just clip that and be like that's offensive to women it's like ah it's just a roast we're fucking around you know there's no cell phones back then it was it was just fun yeah it's crazy to see footage like that isn't it because you're just like oh wow i guess, I guess this is actually videotaped.

Yeah. Because there was no people just videoed. Yeah, I got yelled at. This was a poignant moment. I was doing a show in Vancouver this weekend, and some lady was like, that's inappropriate. And a guy on the other end goes, yeah, it's comedy. Oh, wow. And it was like, whoa whoa these two worlds and this

guy just kind of nailed it in one sentence and it shut it all down it was kind of cool what was the joke he's like so i'm titty fucking a retard titty fucking a retard my favorite country song um but yeah it was just a nice moment we uh yeah we we had someone at the cellar last night who was like you know they have the the bags you have to put the phone in the bags oh they don't like that well yeah this woman she's like trying to open her bag she's on her phone and i'm like i wouldn't care if i didn't hear her talk i'd given her like three or four jokes where i've talked over her and a certain point i'm like all right miss come on and she goes i need to i need to take this call what and i was just like of course like white lady let's

do this so i'm teasing her and then like and i was like and who are you she goes i'm her partner so i'm like oh my god like you're both annoying i'm like shouldn't i'm both of them i'm just like i'm like i'm like how are you both this and she goes continue i'm like who's the shitty one you're both yeah so i'm kind of trashing them and then she walks out like in a huff and i find out she like works with like teenage suicide prevention i'm like wow that's really backfired oh boy but then i'm also like no one of these kids want to kill themselves they know her she's like i'm on call i'm like then why are you at the show i'm on call geez some kid is all fell off a building now because you're trying to get a zinger in get out of here

I need a good laugh it's also weird to hear like she's taking the call in the hall I'm like killing up there she's just using a huge laugh she's like life is worth living so I'm with this chick the other night anyway please you ever shit on a girl's chest

don't do it where are you oops Anyway, please. You ever shit on a girl's chest? Don't do it. Don't do it. Oh, man. Where are you? Oops. Oh, yeah. That's a weird time. But, yeah, just seeing those old clips. I watched a Carlin video just the other day.

It just popped up on my YouTube. And he was like, you know what I call feminists? Cum catchers. And the crowd's like, ah! And, you know, women are are laughing and you're like yeah it was comedy it was fucking around we could analyze everything and make it seem horrible and this is bad because of this and history but it was jokes he opened one of his specials have you ever noticed someone who's uh yeah you ever notice the pro-life people the people that

you want to fuck to begin with that was his opener and you're like oh my god so good so good so good what about um yeah i mean that was that was classic oh yeah and that's what we grew up on so then like when we get into comedy then you know you start getting better and more established and then it just changes so it's kind of like yeah and we're all about evolving you know we're not trying to say the n-word up there but it's's also like, come on, let's meet in the middle. Yeah, no, it is weird where it's like the line. I mean, that's because then your jokes are inevitably going to age poorly if you're trying to walk that line. Yes.

Not all of them, but some of them you're going to look back like, all right, well, I can't say those anymore. Right, right. You're at a corporate, you're scrambling your head for material, like can't do rape jokes anymore. Yeah. Speaking of which, it is corporate season. Yeah. You ready for those? I did a private event on Saturday after a Knicks game in which my brother and I nearly got into a fight.

Whoa. Hey, whoa, whoa. Let's hear it. Well, I'll tell the short version of it. Basically, we're at the game. It's one of the worst games of our life. It was a 5 p.m. game I had before the private event thing. So my brother is like, he hits me up.

He's like, let's go to the Knicks game. And I was like, it's 5 p.m. I'm like, I'm too tired. Then I have a couple coffees. I'm like, fuck it. Let's do it. So we go. It's got to be the worst first quarter of basketball I've ever seen.

Really? Unbelievably bad. Like, Knicks scored 13 points. It was unwatchable. in the modern nba is crazy they're playing terribly this guy is just so fucking annoying behind us he's drunk as shit long island just like the worst type of long island dude yeah and um that sounded like i wasn't racist but you people are the worst type of people but he's like you know pinching people he's like flicking hair and shit.

Yeah. And other stories have gotten mad if you're looking for them. I'll see if there's an archive of them somewhere. Oh, yeah. What? Fuck. You gotta go and notice him, right? I can text him to you.

Yeah. He's just looking up. This is the funniest thing, too. I used to have a show on MSG. So I'm just thinking if I fight this dude, it's going to be a headline like disgraced former MSG host dragged out by security. You know? Yeah.

So, yeah, I'll send you the clips if you want to play them. Yeah, please. Should I text him to you or email? Text is fine. All right. Let me pull these up. So, this guy was fucking with us the whole show. All right.

So, your show is at 9 or 8? Because if you go to a 5 o'clock game, the game's going to be, what, 3 hours? Yeah, about. We go on at 10. Oh, okay, okay. So it worked out perfectly. Dina grabbed me. We did the gig together.

And, all right, Sally, I'm sending them to you. Thank you. And you can go in this order, I think. This guy's fucking with us. You said he flicked your hat? My head. What kind of bullshit? So these other guys are pretty annoying in our section, too,

but they're not as bad as this guy. And look, man, I've gone to games my whole life. I can deal with annoying. But these dudes, and so can my brother, but these dudes are particularly bad, you know? So anyway. Start here? Whatever order they came in. Let me see. Yeah works i think oh boy oh is that your brother no that's the guy oh that's the guy

that's me calling him a moron and a mongoloid because he poured a beer on my brother fucked up then he flicked the back of my head what i saw and i saw his hand and he goes who's this other guy what so so that's when i fucking my brother fucking snatched my brother's like like you got a problem yeah poor beer eye that's right that's the end hold on that's no don't go there yet that's the last one come on tarantino you're here second one this one yeah maybe this one i don't yeah i Yeah, I don't know. Try him. That's him getting kicked out. All right.

Bye-bye. What a shit face. That's me fucking with him. Jerk off. Yeah, and then... So then security... And this idiot doesn't realize. You get out of it. This idiot doesn't realize it.

Get the fuck out. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Ah, I hate this guy. Yeah then he like he's being a fucking everyone in the section hates him that guy next to him he was pinching the whole everyone hated him wow so then then secure you can play the last one the other one you played before last where they're chanting so the best part is we're in the section and they pull me out to be like what happened whatever and people i guess follow me on instagram and the thing so

they see it so people in the section are chanting free sam free sam free sam because they don't want me to get kicked out and i didn't they just talked to me for like a second they kicked that guy out that's great did he ever take a swing or make a move no i was like i was and it sucks my neck is so bad right now but i was fucking ready to go, dude. Yeah. My brother was. We were fucking fired up. Yeah. Play the last one. Play the Free Sam one.

The Bash Brothers. I mean. Must be this one? No, no, no, no, no. It's out of order. Yeah, so go up. Up. Yeah, I think it's that one where I'm smiling.

Okay. Whoopsie. No, not that one. This one? Yeah. Free Sam! Free Sam! Free Sam! Free Sam! Free Sam! Oh. this one yeah justice serve

justice serve and uh he didn't have any friends near him he had one other guy who sucked too they both sucked what is that people suck yeah and i said to him like i said to him many times like i was being very respectful before it got to this I'm not doing I'm not videoing a dish until I said hey man. Well. I'm here with my brother

I got his face. I hate you ruining sibling bonding right here I don't get a lot of nights off and you're fucking ruining this yes I said you're ruining a night out with my brother and once you fuck once you fuck with someone's family It gets a little per like I can't fight, but I'll fucking Throw down you don't fuck with my you don't fuck with family now what a pipsqueak too he's such a twerp that guy he was a bitch let's hope he doesn't sue us yeah can we get in trouble for that matt should we blur out his face there also peter's your screens off screens off again so i i mean i already posted on insta stories whatever yeah all right well we're

giving this guy a full you want to come in talk about it and uh you're not what are you doing no we bring him in sally puts a burlap sack over his head it's like a nicest video he's like i have made a mistake yeah we'll get a rusty knife and all right do we have to blur his face? All right. All right. You know what? I wouldn't.

That's the thing. Sometimes you ever post like a video where a guy's like a real piece of shit heckler. I had a guy run on stage once and fuck with me. And then I posted the video and it got a lot of views. And he was like, can you please take this down? I'm being recognized from work. And I was like, no, this is a valuable life lesson that I'm providing to you. Yes. Now you're getting heckled at work.

It sucks. Fuck you. Blow me. Yeah. Wait, what were we talking about before this? I don't know. Oh, I had something. Damn.

But good. Glad. Street justice. Fuck that. Oh, the corporate. Yeah. So how was the corporate? It was great.

It wasn't corporate. It was like a private event. It was someone's 40th birthday party, and they were really cool. It was like a hotel ballroom. They rented out 40th birthday party, and they were really cool. It was like a hotel ballroom. They rented out an open bar. Very nice. Nice. I heard Dina crushing up top, and I was like, that's a good sign.

Good sign. So, you know, yeah, they were very cool. All right. Yeah. How about you? What are you doing? Well, I got some on the books, and I just have the most notorious horror stories from corporates yeah i mean i've bombed everywhere but corporates it's a special type of bomb you just think about the money you're

gonna make that's what mulaney said to me once that keeps you going i saw him at the cellar after i bombed a corporate and all he's like how are you i was like i'm doing really badly just in a corporate he goes you just think about what you're gonna to buy. And in my head, I'm like, we were making way more money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking about buying like a certain bottle of scotch. Right, right. He's adding a layer to his apartment. Right. He's like,

I'll get a sex swing for Olivia Munn. Speaking of, can we get some spots? Huh? Read some spots. Oh yeah, we should do an ad here. All right.

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Use promo code DRUNK at checkout. Also, I have to give this disclaimer. Warning, this product contains non-tobacco nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Go to lucy.co and be sure to use the promo code DRUNK. Yeah. Give me a peeve, man. I got a big peeve right up your ass

Coming at you here Hit me How about this Underwear with no opening Dude I said this on a recent episode I hate it It's happened to me twice I bought it

Because you don't even think that they would make shit I know By the way you think I'm just like Pulling my whole balls and dick out when i'm just pulling the dick out yeah what am i special needs nine-year-old i got my fucking pants down by my ankles i got my underwear down i'm at the urinal the the airport like a fucking 12 year old i i hate it give me a flap someone's kicking your shoe because you think you're giving him a signal i mean what the hell is going on yeah they're doing the tap you know the gay uh the gay code but uh no i hate the no flap i'm pulling the whole thing down my

dick's 12 inches so i gotta flop it over it's the whole thing but yeah i hate the no flap what year is it it's 2021 well they think it's like a trendy option i but i think it's horrible i don't i mean i shout out i mean we're not even doing an ad for them but sheath does it right man i sheath i like places that actually know what the fuck they're doing and and uh i i went to gap and i was at like a uh like a discount type store and i was like oh these look fine i didn't even look you gotta look you gotta look yeah and can we get uh all we talk about is body positivity and big is beautiful every man on underwear package underwear package is like Brad Pitt in Fight Club. I know. How about a dad bod?

I know. Just to feel better. It's a little annoying. It's a little annoying, but hey, that's what's cool about being a guy. We can take it. You don't see us complaining,

but just saying, it's a lot of, look at these, oh, that's Marky Mark. Come on. He doesn't get much hotter than that. Why is he grabbing his dick in that one? Well, he's a tough guy.

He beats up Asians in Boston. But what does that mean to grab your dick? I mean, does that make you tough? You're like, let me fucking grab this. Like, holy shit, that guy grabbed his dick. Yeah. What won't he grab? Michael Jackson started that, I guess. You know, the hee hee.

I remember that. Which I never got, but it just caught on. People loved it. Yeah, I guess it was like edgy. I don't know. Yeah, Richard Pryor, that great joke. White guy's like, why do you guys always grab your things? He's like, you took everything else, motherfucker.

Damn. Yeah, what is with these ads? I mean, these guys are chiseled. They're Adonises. Even Kramer in the Seinfeld underwear ad, I'm like, he's got a pretty good body. Pretty good body, yeah. It's weird. I remember Al Lubell, really funny comic. You've I'm like, he's got a pretty good body. Pretty good body, yeah. It's weird. I remember Al Lubell, really funny comic.

You've never seen him. He's got a documentary out. Al Lubell would just strip down naked on stage. What? I remember I used to have a bar show and he would just take all, he had great, he was like a dry one-liner guy

and then he would just like, he would just get naked. What? He'd go down in his underwear and people would be like, what the fuck? Because he'd do it at the cellar. What?

Yeah, and then he would be like, you guys are surprised because you expected me to have a really bad body and it's not that bad. And people would be like what the fuck does he do it at the cellar what yeah and then and then he would be like you guys are surprised because you expected me to have a really bad body and it's not that bad and people were like yeah yeah wow that is weird uh big jay used to get down to his uh skivvies on the stage that was his closer so funny yeah i mean that was back in the day when you were new and you were just grasping at straws i need any kind of reaction most people go blue. He went naked. I got a... Yeah, what do you got in the peeve world?

Let's see what I got. Man. Yeah, you know who else has a decent body? It's Conan. Surprisingly good body. Oh, does he? I mean, he's sheet white, but he's got abs. Really?

Yeah, Conan's ripped. Look at that. Wow. Ben Stiller, too. It's like weird. Really? Yeah, Conan's ripped. Look at that. Wow. Ben Stiller, too. It's like weird. Ben Stiller's almost like too ripped. It's almost like, dude, you're a comedian. I know. He lets you know it, too. It's every movie he gets shirtless. Look at that. That's a

solid sixer. It's kind of weird with Ben Stiller. He's like in Meet the Parents in a Speedo and a six-pack. Did you write this one in? Exactly. I think you just wanted us to see how ripped you look. Yep. Heavyweights, that one. Zoolander, obviously.

He's always getting shirtless. Yeah, you're right. You know who else likes being naked a lot is Bryan Cranston. Really? Well, I just feel like in Breaking Bad, he was in his tighty-whities for the first half of the whole show. Does he like that or is that because if it's one show, I'm not going to blame the actor.

True. If it's every movie you're in, I'm kind of like, maybe it's you. Yeah, and Ben Stiller does write these. I mean, in Heavyweights, he was literally a bodybuilder, and then I think in Dodgeball, he was ripped too.

Until the end. Is he still with Christine Taylor? She's underrated. They might have gone back together. Look at that one. Oh, Adam Driver, man. Looks like a centaur. That crazy i know what is with him women he's the ugliest man on the planet and the ladies love him he's not ugly adam driver what

are you kidding he looks like the scream mask look how long his face is he's hideous yeah but he's he's unique looking he's not ugly okay well if you're like a confident talented unique i mean is owen wilson ugly he's like a unique guy he's all right look but you put adam if he was a cashier at cvs you'd you'd go yikes halloween's in town i'm just saying we put him on a pedestal all right you think dustin hoffman would be cleaning cleaning up as a cashier i'm not saying he's handsome either but uh but you put ryan gosling as a cashier like it was a good a cashier? Well, I'm not saying he's handsome either, but you put Ryan Gosling as a cashier, you're like, this is a good-looking cashier. I know, but is every actor supposed to look like Ryan Gosling?

No, I'm just saying. That'd be boring as shit. He's attractive and unattractive. I think he's unattractive. How dare you? Women love him. Women love him. They love him.

They love him. Well, he is 6'5 or something as well. Also an ex-Marine. And an ex-Marine and a hell of an actor. Yeah. So I'm saying he's a catch i'm just saying he's traditionally any banglena dunham on a show so women are like he doesn't see doesn't see i'm not gonna finish the joke he doesn't see color

it's an open-minded fellas yeah um let's see what i got okay there's one that's good acting people have done them, few worse feelings when you take a shit in public and the second you sit and put your ass on the thing, not in public, in a public restroom. Sure.

I'm not bending over in the Starbucks. But you sit on the toilet and the second your butt hits the seat, someone aggressively knocks. Oh, I hate that. The aggressive knock

when you're like, I'm going to be quick, but you got to have my back here. Yes, yes. I hate, if I'm taking a shit in like, I'm going to be quick, but you got to have my back here. Yes. Yes. I hate, if I'm taking a shit in public, it's an emergency. Right. Right.

And at the aggressive knock, it tightens your butthole. You're like, I need to be relaxed here. And you're doing the opposite. I hate that. And I hate when you ever have this one when you're in a stall and you just hear like the guys just, you're like, it's locked. Deal. You got to, you got to accept the fact that it's locked. They're like twisted and turning. You're're like it's locked deal you gotta you gotta accept the fact

that it's locked they're like twisted and turning you're like it's locked buddy every every door should have the airplane vacants uh no uh yes that'd be nice good call yeah we've all had that like timid guy in front of us in the bathroom line who's like someone's in there and you're like it's been 20 minutes are you sure and then they're like it's open you're like you right you weak motherfucker also what's up with the crack in the door it's like it's a full quarter inch oh you mean in a in a stall in a stall yeah i hate it you see that wandering eye you're like all right i'm trying to read you see it they see him lift the camera phone you're like please yeah no more vulnerable moment than shitting yeah try in there a couple comedy movies where the guy's shitting and the water shoots up oh what

is that is that uh caddyshack i don't know maybe animal house you know it's gonna be a bad movie when they're just like we need a laugh scene right here like what if the shit water shoots up and hits everyone in the face they're like that's that's it. That's the scene. Yeah, that's true. Remember the first time you saw Bill Murray biting to that payday? That was pretty jarring. Was it a Baby Ruth, I think? Oh, a Baby Ruth.

Yeah, good call. Payday would have been even grosser than inside. It's a lot of nuts. Yeah, those nuts don't break down. Needless corn. Corn doesn't break down in your system. What do you think about a a baby ruth what do you rank i love baby ruth the class love it love it more than payday for sure payday is too much nuts too

much nuts we got it yeah baby roots a nice uh mix yeah yeah what does that move with the shitting i guarantee there's a montage of shitty or shitting harold and kumo there's a diarrhea scene oh and the hot women with diarrhea where you're like yes and uh well dumb and dumber of course oh that's a classic classic he was very intimidated to take that role he said because it because the jim carrey jim carrey yeah he's amazing in it yeah jeff daniels is great man great so good he can do it all news rate not news radio newsroom newsroom i couldn't stand that show it's a little much it's like literally the most smug liberal shit i've ever seen in my life like the like we're doing the lord's work yeah opening monologue you could just feel you know that sorkin was jerking off while

he wrote it it was just like i'm fucking awesome at this yeah he's like you know we need to take we need to be accountable the media needs to be accountable he's like yes we do i'm fucking i'm writing i'm writing a show that's going to change the world yeah sorkin really blows himself on a lot i mean look he's great like social network i loved that was incredible i think he did a few good men yeah he did and moneyball and moneyball was great great dialogue yeah but like he really i mean dude i love sports night back in the day oh that was an underrated show great show i think it was too smart for the room oh it was like a non it was on like an it was on like abc and there was no laugh track and i think people were like what it goes before television was smart uh-huh

yeah good point yeah no it was it was a different tone as well i mean it was it was a really good show but uh you know he definitely he falls victim i think some i mean like we're talking about one of the greatest screenwriters of all time we're criticizing one of the greatest screenwriters ever but i do feel like that you feel the smugness in the writing sometimes oh yeah we get it you're great take it. Those characters just annoyed the shit out of me. Yeah. Like, all of them annoyed me. Right.

Ah. Yeah, sometimes it's too much. Sometimes you just want to pull back. I watched an M. Night Shyamalama ding-dong movie on the plane. Which one? Old. Is it good? It's not great, but.

Let me guess. The twist is that he's young. That's the twist. It's not great, but... Let me guess. The twist is that he's young. Basically, these people go to a beach, and the beach you age insanely rapidly. Are they tricked to go to the beach? How do they get to that beach? I think that beach is called Hollywood. Oh, my God.

I'll tell you. You turn 18 and you're too old. I'll tell you. Yeah. They're at Malibu. I mean, they're at a resort. And then the guy goes, you want to see a real beach? And they throw all these rich people in a van. They bring them to this beach.

It's beautiful. They swim. And then they realize like, wow, my six-year-old looks like he's 15. And then my daughter was five. Now she looks like she's 20. Interesting premise. Great premise. But what's in it for the guy to bring these people to a cursed beach?

They do experiments on them. I don't want to give too much away. Wow. It's like Epstein's Island. You're 18. Get out of here. Gotta go here go back on that jet yeah yeah those girls grew up quick but yeah yeah it's fun fun movie but i don't know it's just m night shawmala i feel like he's running off one movie or maybe two uh the one movie being the sixth sense yep that was a great movie great movie i mean it mean, it was the talk of, it's all America talk, but I see dead people. It was every punchline, you know.

I didn't see it coming. My friend said he knew. He didn't know. What about, I mean, yeah, what's the other one? Signs I heard is pretty good. Signs was a good. Yeah, you never saw it? It's pretty good.

Unbreakable is pretty good. Yeah, but it's just a slow decline. He seemed to be making the same movie over and over again yep yeah we're not capturing that well i think he got known everyone's known for a thing and he got known for the twist and he almost gets stuck yeah mm-hmm yep yep yep m night shamalan though is just such a it's such a good name like you hear that it's like all right we gotta go see that it's so yeah what else has he did the happening that was supposed to be terrible. He did The Devil.

You remember that one that was in an elevator? The Devil was in the elevator with like six people killing him one by one. Devil in the elevator? Yeah. What is that, about a fart? And I remember watching the trailer in theaters and people were like laughing at how bad it was. And then when his name came up, just uproarious laughter because everyone knew like, this is bad, this is bad. And then when they was confirmed how bad this was, huge laugh.

Wow. At his name. I love New Yorkers, man. They're so cynical and obnoxious. Like you're literally laughing. I mean, yeah, it might suck, but this dude probably worked really hard on it. It's just so funny to look at someone's work and be like, ah. That's true. That's true.

That's true. But those movie experiences are great. I saw Iron Man in Midtown, in Times Square. Day it came out, it was me and like eight nerds. They all brought their action figures. I was like, I'm going to experience this. Let me go all in. When that fucking head helmet went,

they all went, popcorn's flying, they're i mean is there like you can you think of a better dude to cast as iron man than robert downey jr they nailed it that that's like that's the one time you're like yeah he's gotta be like no one would have been as good no no tony stark perfect perfect yeah and then he made 12 of them after that 12 but fun in the theater i saw american pie in the theater with the famous, when he fucked the pie, some guy goes, he tore that shit up. Killed.

Dude, it's fun when you're at a fun comedy and you got a funny guy in there. Yeah. Yes. The problem is when you get the guy who's not funny who keeps going for it. I know, I know. You know what's a great feeling, though? I got heckled my balls off in Canada this weekend. It was just...

Where were you in Canada? Vancouver? Vancouver, yeah. The House of Comedy. Why do you get heckled so much? Ah, I think they drink a lot out there. You know, they're all nice and, hey, how you doing? Hey, sorry.

So they drink and it all comes out. Yeah, you're right. You know, it's got to even out somewhere. Did you... Were they packed houses? Packed, yeah. We sold it out, but a lot of booze bags and also they've been

locked down pretty good so I think they're finally out and they're really going for it. They spread the vaccine in Canada out. You get like your first dose and then you get your second dose in like six months. It was something insane. Yeah, yeah. It didn't make a lot of sense. They're still weird over there. Shout out to the United States for getting us

vaccines. Hell yeah. Also our president's all kinds of tests. Shout out to the United States for getting us vaccines. Hell yeah. Also, our president's not wearing blackface. Hey, hey. All right. Also, they got a real problem with their indigenous. We'll get into it. Yeah, yeah. But either way, I got heckled and I can't remember my point.

Shit. What were we talking about? We were saying something. Hecklers? Hecklers. We were saying something. Hecklers? Hecklers. We were on a train. M-Night. Ah, I lost it.

So tell us about being heckled. What was that? Well, that's what I was saying, but I can't remember. What were the heckles like? How did they? Oh, shit in my mouth. I can't think of what I was going to say. Heckle.

Have another drink. One gin and tonic or whatever. Vodka soda. It'll come to me. It'll come to me. But yeah. Got heckled. Damn it.

Play the tape back, Matt. What the hell was I talking about? Shit. I had a whole thing. It was going to break open a whole discussion. That's God. We're sloppy. Yeah. It's noon noon we're hammered what what uh what was it we were talking about movies m night shamlon twists yeah yeah

heckled in vancouver they got a problem with indigenous vaccine wow damn it we are drunk we might be shit ah i had something i'll see if i have any other peeves you know i always got pee give me a pee maybe it'll come back to me that was a point i was getting two let's start with you have a bit mark do you want to go to bits i got a bit it's not great yeah i got one that i need more on but it's we'll do that in a sec but all right um okay there's one i gotta pee if i'm in the elevator and i'm holding two really heavy bags and the woman uh she asked me to hit the floor i'm holding too bad to hit her floor oh she tells me i think she's like four and i'm just like holding two i'm holding too heavy but you're gonna make me do this shit yeah huh yeah? Yeah weird. I would think a Hannibal Buress is bit. You remember he had a bit where he gets someone a woman gets in the elevator and

She's like five please and he goes bitch. This ain't mad men Damn Damn that that that hits that's hilarious. hilarious yeah well in this woman's defense um in covid times i'm not reaching across people to hit my elevator button i asked them to do it even though no matter what i'm holding what they're holding no but i don't want to reach across in their space i'm like now i gotta put my bags i gotta do the elbows it was a whole thing you know what you do in that situation you you gotta play it up you gotta go and really make her feel bad, like drop a loaf of bread. You're like, oh, geez. Then you hit the floor. You got to really let her know that that

was a bitch to do. But yeah, that's crazy. And you hit it? You hit the button for her? Did you hit the butt with an elbow? I did. Yeah, I got it. All right. I was annoyed, but I did it. That's a pet peeve of mine. I stayed in this uh hotel it was like the 28th floor the view was amazing but the elevator is an issue every day it's like i hate high floors yeah you're going down now you gotta stop at 15 stop at 13 pick people up stop at 8 stop at 6 and you're like man this elevator takes forever to get up i i hate a high floor people think it's like luxurious i mean i want to know i can get the fuck out same same and i'm a big stairs guy i'll take those uh fire stairs all day long just because a you want to get a little

blood flowing because you're on the road eating hoagies and drinking booze all night yeah so uh yeah i was taking the stairs every now and then yeah uh another peeve how about this i had the guy do the side cut in line. Oh, I thought. It's unacceptable. Unacceptable. There's no side cut. There's cutting.

It's cutting. It's cutting. What's a side cut? All right. Well, we got a line at the airport. And then you see this, you know, we're all single file. You see this one guy trying to just transition into a line. If you side cut toward the end, it's more understandable, but you can't side cut to the middle

or the front. It was a middle side and, you know, you got the velvet rope going down and the velvet rope stopped. He waited right by the end of that velvet rope and and then you want to say something, but you don't want to say something because you don't want to be the cunty guy, but brutal. Yeah, I don't like

yeah, that bugs the hell out of me. I don't like confrontation, but I the hell out of me i i don't like confrontation but i'll fucking do it you had a guy thrown out of nick's game what are you talking about i don't like it i don't like that i but i will tell you that fourth quarter was fucking wonderful yeah my brother and i were like i think we needed that i think we need to get we had all this pent-up rage from the game and now you know the knicks came back thank god hell yeah yeah but yeah this uh the side cut guy had some trouble with his uh ticket so they kept going like you know it wasn't going and then i went around him and i was like beep and then i was like all right that's how you do it that's how

you do it had my ticket ready there yeah man i mean i'm with you dude i it's you showed him i showed him i don't you know what i don't like when people do something here's a here's a peeve of mine when people do something shitty to you and then the next time you see them they act like they didn't do something shitty to you and you should be happy to see them yeah that's that's a so that's that to me drives me nuts it happened to me at the cellar the other night this guy wrote a book on the comedy seller. He wrote a really shitty chapter on me. What? He sent me the book thinking I would think it was good. A whole chapter shitting on you?

No, it was like a paragraph. He reduced it to a paragraph. I was a part of this chapter and it was just like... What's the book? I don't remember what it's called. I don't want to say his name. I don't want to put him on blast. But I mean, he wrote me...

He was going over my alligator joke, the one about the baby that got eaten by the alligator. Because he was talking about people getting mad about jokes and stuff. And I gave him, I talked to him for so many hours on the phone because I was like, I thought it was gonna be a big book on the seller. And he reduces what I say to like one paragraph. And it was about me being like, I could bring the book in. It was about me being like, I might have thrown it out.

I could bring the book in. It was about me being like, I might have thrown it out, but it was about me being anxious about trusting a journalist to write about this with care. And here we go. Wow. So he acted all like it was good to see you. And I said, I think your book stunk. All right.

And I was like, well, at least what you wrote about me stunk. Some of the other stuff I think was okay. But I was pretty bummed out by that. What did he say? He was like, well, I'm a big fan. I was like, well, the next time show it in the writing. I gave you a lot of my time. I'm having a lot of that on the road.

I had a guy with a Mark Norman t-shirt and he just, no laugh. I'm like, you're my support. You're not even laughing. Isn't that weird? It's weird. Some people have just a bad laugh face true some people have like a bad listen face and i think that's the problem and then they're like this whole time they're like yeah and then you make a joke and like yeah resting bitch they call that yeah yeah and then they'll be like tuesdays we might be drunk you're like, why are you ruining the show now? You're so pent up and excited that you're just yelling stuff.

And I think in a weird way, they think like, I'm going to go see Sam. We'll hang out. We'll interact. And you're like, it's still a show. Pretend it's Les Mis. Les Mis, baby. You know, give me something. The Song of Angry Men.

What? The Song of Angry Men, brother. What's that? Les Mis. Do you hear the people sing, singing the Song of angry men brother what's that layman is do you hear the people sing singing the song of angry men great tune great great music that's a real dad musical every dad's like we should go to layman i love because that because it's a musical but it's like you feel kind of it's like french revolution i feel a little tough right it's about stealing bread and bullshit you know master of the house that's a great song

that's a great musical great it's a great great the whole thing jean valjean number 120601 it's classic i might have made up those numbers but yeah i took a humanities class in high school and we learned all about musicals and it was the best class it's crazy people shit on musicals but you get a good one man oh yeah throwing little guys and dolls man too fun hell yeah bye bye birdie don't get me started never seen that one oh it's great it's great i like that song good good musical oklahoma what's that is that's the song isn't that a song bye bye birdie that's the musical know, but isn't there a song in there called that too? Oh, yeah. That is the lead, like the main song. Bye bye birdie. Boy, see, we got range on this pod.

Yeah, yeah. We can go from eating ass to musicals. So, I saw, this is, I guess this is my rec. I saw this movie. It's called At Long Last with Burt Reynolds. Oh, wow. Madeline Kahn, Sybil Shepard. I think it's like, oh, there it is, 1975.

It's a musical. Huh. Burt Reynolds in a musical? Yeah Madeline Kahn, Sybil Shepard. I think it's like, oh, there it is, 1975. It's a musical. Huh. Burt Reynolds in a musical? Yeah, I'll just play a couple seconds. Can he sing? He talks through it, but. I want to see this. It's funny.

It's a funny musical. Madeline Kahn is really funny. He's cast, had three beers, and then ate the glass. Wow, it's actually not bad. I think it's all Cole Porter songs. So they're going to be good. I don't know. This looks horrible.

I'm telling you, it's funny. It's so funny that this is like the dude from Deliverance. Yeah, right? He's like, alright, you're going to do Deliverance and then you're going to put on a monkey suit. I guess it's kind of like uh your brando in a musical that you like to do grab pull that up pull up there's go mid-song of brando singing luck be a

lady and guys and dolls it's the funniest because can we hear your impression first the fact that well the fact that brando gets the lead in a musical over sinatra is the all-time fun oh did he oh my god he's he's uh he's sky masterson which is the lead and and sinatra's nathan detroit yeah and he can't he talked through it he's like they ain't call you laney lock hey that's pretty good give me the brush oh yeah that's already bad you might forget your manners but it's so bad that it's kind of good. Yeah. Like Bob Dylan. Where is he from with that voice? Is he a New Yorker? I think he's a New Yorker.

I'll look it up. Sing it, Sam. Dude, he... Sinatra sang this song his whole fucking career. I know. It's because he didn't get to sing it in this movie. movie yeah you know he's saying his whole career because he's like yeah that's how you fucking sing it dude damn that's a good musical comedy guys and dolls it's it's hilarious yeah it's just guys being degenerates and and like all of it's just

gambling and the premise is like he's trying to bang this woman. I mean, it's like some of those scenes, they're hilarious to watch now. He's just trying to get her drunk. And she's like, this tastes like a milkshake. He's like, sure it does. Have another milkshake. She just keeps ordering her milkshakes. Damn. I've never seen it.

It's pretty great. You know the songs in it like, and the devil will drag you under from the sharp lapel of your checkered coat. Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down sit down you're rocking the boat you know that one yeah i do know that one yeah you know you know the tunes all right it's classic man he was handsome brando was hot as shit so hot would you i'd fuck him in the ass you would yeah he's handsome dude young brando's hot oh what are you getting the getting? The hottest. Old Brando. Yeah, he really 180'd. I'm going to get us deplatformed here, but this is Brando sucking a dick.

Whoa, that's my dick. That's a black dick. It is. I wonder if that's Richard Pryor's. Actually, they figured out who it is. I can look it up, but I don't remember. Because they had a hot thing for a while. Brando really knew how to push the button.

Oh, Jesus, man. I don't know if that's real. Brando really knew how to push the button. Oh, Jesus, man. I don't know if that's real. That doesn't look real to me. He set the... You're giving Matt Peters a ton of work here. He's getting very annoyed. Yeah, come on. That was a ball shot there.

He also... Like how you couldn't find Kimmel's hairline. You got Brando's ball sack exposed in two seconds. What is... Remember we sent the Native American woman to get the Oscar for him for him who wasn't actually native american she was an actress oh yeah stealing a role from a native american exactly and then brando had play i think he played like an asian person one movie there's some shit where you're like this is not i know your heart's in the right place but some of this shit is weird yeah yeah i think he went a little bat shit he went

a little nutty i i watched that val kilmer doc and he said uh on the set uh brando was a little a little off i read so i was uh i read sydney lamette's book uh uh on making movies and he said um that brando he's like he's an incredible actor but he just tortures directors yeah and he would do two takes early on to see if you were good like he would he would uh do two early takes and one he would be doing it in his mind the right way and the other and the other one he would do in a more artificial shallow way and if the director liked the second way he would give nothing to the movie because he was like i'm not gonna waste my talents on this

guy who doesn't get me so he would like fuck with you and play games with you. Yeah. So you get the great Brando if he thought you were great. Aha. Interesting. So is he from New York? Omaha, Nebraska. Wow. Midwest boy.

But he honed his chops in New York. Yeah. He was a Stella Adler. He could have some Native American in him. Stella. Being from Omaha. Yeah. Good point. He's got those eyes. Streetcar is fucking great. him. Stella. Being from Omaha. Yeah, good point. He's got those eyes.

Streetcar is fucking great. Yeah. Streetcar is a masterpiece. Eli Kazan, he named names. He did. He did name names. Not a fan of that. No.

He did what he had to do, I guess. I guess. Arthur Miller, he's all over that doc. Ooh, I got to watch that doc still. Pretty good. I mean, I don't know if I'm going to get to him. this criterion set up though god damn i'm fired up oh we got criterion we do oh well we got everything stolen cable oh why are you getting annoyed i know right what do you think mark's gonna like not hit a fastball over the plate. Yeah. Well, I mean, I didn't say the name.

Okay. But yeah, it's pretty great. Little. They know his name. They know your name, but I'm not saying the name of the service. Salamanca. Yes. Should we do a bit?

Let's do a bit. I got I got shit. Also, make sure to email us to the Patreon at we might be drunk pod at gmail.com. That's we might be drunk pod at gmail.com. And leave us a nice review on the podcast app or apple whatever you're doing hell yeah and see us on the road we'll plug the dates at the end of the show but make sure to see us on the road what do you got mark all right all right now this is a talk about a half-baked loosey-goosey not much here and i need your help so i was look i was reading the thing about the the founding

fathers uh-huh and i gotta tell you these guys were tough men tough men grew up poor became presidents uh been shot at they duel in the street yeah uh they talk shit they're like rappers four fathers with the the original rapper wood grill rough riders there's a lot a lot of comparisons there uh always complaining about slaves no um but they've been shot at like teddy rosenthal got shot at in and kept doing his speech remember that that's almost like a 50 cent thing. It's interesting. Yeah. It's like,

like, oh, you want to fuck it? I love the rapper, like the angle of like duels and stuff. Like, oh, you want to go? Let's fucking,

you're like, Jesus Christ, what are you, what are you like running for office or, or Tupac? You know what I mean? Exactly. Yeah.

Like Hamilton and Burr, headed out in the street. Yeah. Gunfight. Yeah. So it's, it's like East Coast, West Coast rivalry. And that's part of why Hamilton's so popular. He died young. Gunfight. Yeah. So it's like East Coast, West Coast rivalry.

And that's part of why Hamilton's so popular. He died young. Oh, yeah. Like Tupac and Biggie. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. Well known.

Some people hate him. Some people love him. But yeah, I don't know. There seems like a lot there with the rapping. My only fear is that Hamilton is rapping. Ah. Oh, that's clever. Yeah.

But that's what that, maybe you have to bring that around. I mean, Hamilton, but then, yeah. Hmm. Yeah, but it's mostly comes from Teddy Roosevelt. He's in a thing called The Rough Riders.

He's been shot. You know, he gives a full performance. He's manly. He's like tough as hell. He's big. Yeah. Some of them are in a wheelchair.

Are there rappers in wheelchairs? No, I guess it guess just their homies but yeah i don't know presidents were the original rappers could be something there's something there about coming from not coming from the streets yes they all came from nothing a lot of them grew up poor they made it they'll shoot you yeah they'll shoot you in the face, in the street. Smoke weed. They don't like paying their taxes. Yes. We had a revolution because we didn't like to pay taxes.

Good point. To the British. Good point. Yeah. I like that. Lincoln was against slavery. There's something here. I'll play with it.

I need to really get a bunch of presidential facts, like a list of stuff that lines up with rappers. I love Founding Fathers bits. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm into those. Mount Rushmore. Maybe something with a Declaration of Independence.

That's like death row records. They all come together and sign. They all sign it. That's pretty good. Something like that. It could be like the Declaration of Independence is the first diss track. Hey, diss track. Yes. All right.

All right. You know, the Republican and Democrat, it's almost like East Coast, West Coast. Yeah. Something there. You know, bloods in the crypts, the red and the blue. Wait a minute. The Whig Party. I don't want to say it out loud but

ah you changed the w yeah all right no no yeah i was gonna say the white people rap like that uh like eminem would be called a part of the wig party wig party i see you saying wigger there you go all right all right you're not supposed to say that word i don't think so really yeah i don't think you're bigger i know but those are that's a different word i know but it's uh all right what are you supposed to say um whack that kind of works yeah it kind of works all right yeah there's something about that for sure the the uh kind of works all right yeah there's something about that for sure the the uh hmm joe zimmerman had that great bit about uh i think it's hamilton no is that andrew jackson jackson yeah that's a great bit yeah and i'm not a history buff and i don't know anything about andrew jackson but his

bit is so good because it it like plays it all out he gives you all the information it still makes it funny zimmerman, underrated. Joe Zimmerman, new album out. Check out Joe Zimmerman. Tours with Brian Regan. Yep, yep. He's a terrific comic. Killer comic.

Funny guy. Look him up. Joe Zimmerman. He's done a bunch of late night sets as well that are strong. But Mark, I think the joke Mark's talking about is in a Craig Ferguson set. Oh, really? He did it on late night. Maybe he did it on Conan.

Maybe on the Patreon. Play it and we can play more stuff. Sure. I think it's his signature bit. Yeah, no, he's great. This one here. Nah, nah, nah. We'll save it.

All right. But- What do you got? I got one that's hitting, but it needs one more thing. All right. I'm missing some. It hits, but I say,

you know, you can't really tell if you're in a toxic relationship. You can tell afterwards. Looking back, you'd be like, that was bad. You can't tell when you're in it. You know what I mean? Which like, that's the only thing that's like that. My phone breaks.

I know it's broken instantly. I'm not walking around with a cracked screen. Your friends are like, what's up with your phone? I'm like, you should see it when you're not around. It's actually, it's actually a pretty good phone. Right. So maybe you should mind it when you're not around. It's actually a pretty good phone. Right. So maybe you should mind your own fucking business. Yeah.

Worry about your phone. Looks like an Android to me. Looks like, you know, that part gets a nice pop, but I don't have an ending. Like the Android thing, I'm like thinking like something like your phone looks like something maybe about fingers, you know, because you're doing like the identity thing or the security thing i was thinking uh it also could i know you got the phone part already but my brain goes to alcohol you know like hey oh shit like hey this uh this is a good drink and i'm feeling good what's the

reminder there for i don't know how to fix it it just goes off i pushed a bunch of buttons one day and now it goes off at 2 p.m. every day. But I just turn it off. But you have a drink. It feels good. It tastes good. But then later you're like, oh, what was in that? You're so hungover.

Later you're like, oh, that was toxic. That was poison. But at the time you're like, this is fun. I know. So many alcohol jokes. Yeah. There's something about the phone, though. There's something like, you know, something like letting other people look at your phone. That's like a vulnerable thing.

Oh, yeah. Letting someone in to see your partner, that's a vulnerable thing. Right, right. If your phone's not working, it's like a relationship that's like chaos. Yeah, true, true. Well, you're just like, man, your phone is. So is this the phone, the comp is the phone is so it's just the phone the comp is the phone is like like the girlfriend the toxic girlfriend well it's not like it because

if your phone breaks right you know it i see if you're if your if your relation breaks you're kind of the last to know oh that's good that's kind of my point maybe the only difference is if you lose the girlfriend you feel better you lose your phone you're ruined yeah if someone else finds your girlfriend yeah yeah there you go something like yeah you've uh and there's a store you can go to like my phone's not working i guess that would be couples counseling yeah you go to uh yeah we're not connecting, you know, something like that. Either way, yeah, with the phone though, the phone's acting up, you get a new model. Yeah, yeah, there you go.

Yeah, huh. I'll crack it, there's something here. I like it, I like it, yeah. I'll play with it. So much phone girlfriend stuff too, it's just like you gotta text all the time, you gotta post about her. Yeah. Maybe someone with a case on a phone you got to protect it yeah it's broken like the screen is

broken gotta protect it yeah someone else asked if they could touch it they're like absolutely not yeah finger your own girlfriend keep your fingers on your own uh-huh keep your fingers on your own. Keep your fingers away from what's mine. Yeah, you're out of memory. Yeah, you got to have memory. You got to have memory. You're a real friend. Yeah. You better have memory.

All right. How often do you get accused of not remembering? Oh, my God. You didn't remember. I'm like, I know. I can't remember everything. Yeah. Then I can tell you what wade boggs batting average

was and isn't that from when i was 63 yeah oh really isn't that maybe not maybe i just who knows but you're like hey you don't remember that i like when you work the balls all right all right where are you gonna be on the road man hey i'm all over the place. Let's see. Atlanta, Buckhead Theater, Milwaukee Improv, Charlotte Comedy Zone, Royal Oak in Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle in Michigan, Kansas City Improv, Syracuse Funny Bone. My nemesis. But a lot of fun dates coming up. Go to marknormancomedy.com.

Oh, I'm in Toronto as well at the Dark Comedy Fest. I got to go. I got to do norman comedy.com i'm in toronto as well at the dark comedy fest i gotta go i gotta do toronto man uh i got uh charlotte comedy zone coming up december 2nd through 4th i got miami improv the following weekend then the addison improv in dallas uh we got uh richmond uh coming up richmond virginia in january we got timonia maryland sac'm adding, I'm going to add some other shit in January. I have to pull some stuff just for my own sanity. Yeah. I'm going to try to take a vacation first one ever. We'll see how that works.

I don't fucking know how to do it. You going, going on a trip? Not far, but I can't go too far. All right. With this, you know, next shit, but I will. You going with your phone? Yeah, I'm bringing yeah I'm bringing both phones Thank you.