We Might Be Drunk - Ep 54: Sean Patton & Manhattans

Episode Date: December 20, 2021

Today we drink Manhattans with Sean Patton https://meseanpatton.com/ Visit www.GothamPodcastStudio.com/WMBD to enter for free Sheath Underwear! Mark Normand and Sam Morril can be seen on the road at a club near you. Visit MarkNormandComedy.com and SamMorril.com for more details! Join the Patreon for bonus episodes weekly and more bonus content: Patreon.com/WeMightBeDrunkPodW Send us emails [e-mail] Send us mail: Gotham Podcast Studio 39 West 38th Street, 10th Fl New York, NY 10018

We might be drunk, we might be drunk, as long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit, pep heaps, wrecks, and a bit, maybe drunk, we might be drunk, yeah. Holy hell, good morning, Vietnam! Holy hell! Good morning, Vietnam! Happy holidays, folks. Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Boxing Day. Hanukkah's over. Ah, shit. It's been over. It's over? Damn.

I thought it just started. When this comes out, yeah. That eight days came and went. Yeah, yeah. Oh, hey, we gotta introduce our guest. Why don't you tell the people who's sitting over there? Our boy, another New Orleans native, a fucking killer. Yes. One of the best storytellers in the game.

Our buddy, dressed as Santa, somewhat. Yeah, Black Santa. Sean Patton. Hey. We're here. We're here. Santa's mechanic. I know, right?

He fixed the sleigh. Sometimes he lets me drive. He's getting old. he's getting old he's getting old if santa were real would it be like a would it be like a dread pirates roberts thing remember the dread pirate roberts no i've never heard that's two fucking gentlemen who fancy themselves as comedic uh almanacs the the princess bride okay oh i've never seen it you've never seen the princess bride i have and i have another one i've never seen i know i know i've gotten shit for this and i and i see a lot of movies so that's a pretty big one that i'm missing but that's like the that's a classic princess bride yeah you're gonna love it and i've seen my dinner with andre so i really

should have seen i really should have seen the Princess Bride. And you're a wrestling guy, aren't you? No. I like wrestling. I'm not like a wrestling guy. I know you're an MSG guy. They do wrestling there. I feel like you spend a lot of time in the garden. I should say I'm doing the drinks today because

the beer Jew is gone. What happened to the beer Jew? He picked up a job. We're recording later in the night. We can't always do during the day. We got shit to do. Tell the folks what you're cooking up here. I'm making a Sam Morrell's famous Manhattan.

I'm not measuring it. This looks more like a, call this a Staten Island by the end of the night. Call this a Hoboken. Sam Morrill made us a Hoboken. Remember when you thought – I used to think Long Island iced teas were classy. Oh. I was like, oh, Long Island iced tea. Where were you born, Myrtle Beach?

Dude. Well, because it looks classy. It's packaged classy. Yeah. It's got the umbrella in it sometimes. I mean, yeah i grew well i said this earlier mark and i okay so mark grew up in like the i i always say you grew up in like the alphabet city of new orleans right okay and i grew up in like the staten island yes oh

yeah like the but but equal parts kind of i i wouldn't call us white trash, but I like to call us white recyclables. I like it. We can be repurposed. Yes, here, here. But still, I also remember thinking wine coolers were like, hey, you're on top of your shit if you're pounding wine coolers when you drive your kids to school. Old English was a big one here. Wait, do you ever think wine coolers are like looking at shelters being like, fuck you.

I was doing this. Yeah. I was doing this 30 years ago. That's true. Way ahead of it. Yeah. Yeah. I just went down to Nola for turkey and I went on a gator tour.

What? I just said, fuck it. I'm going back to my roots. I saw you post this. What is that you get on a fan boat and you go to the swamp and see gator it's like a safari southern throw did they have the guy with the did he have the uh the little ice chest the ice chest strapped to the front of it with bungee cords yes and he opens it and just pulls out raw not not raw chicken breast like

dead half chickens oh yeah is he doing that oh yeah and just throwing them out there to like so you see the gator come swimming up yeah it was exciting did you pretend you were looking for brian laundry i should have damn but no no it was just great and i hadn't gone since i was like five so uh there it is oh shit you gotta pull it up oh it's on my instagram but uh i mean talk about coon ass and the new orleans accent out there it's a whole nother it's you said up oh it's on my instagram but uh i mean talk about coon ass and the new orleans accent out there it's a whole nother it's you said it best it's a brooklyn accent with his annex yeah yeah i gotta i just gotta i just gotta back you up right now because they're fucking the internet's gonna eat you alive oh please you just dropped you just dropped coon ass i promise

you that is a phrase that has nothing to do with race. It's a Cajun hillbilly. It's a Cajun hillbilly. Yes. I have heard. Mark just drops the N-word. We're like, that was race. That was not good. But fucking.

Dude, I said that once in a, like, I'm talking 10 years ago. Thank you. Should we do a little more icing? Oh, wait. Yeah, please. Oh, wait. Is that. You made.

I wasn't even shooting the shit about gator meat. And you already whipped us up some i'm still worried about the amount of bourbon you poured in there but oh boy i got three shows tonight maybe oh i might only be able to do four of them i got three shows i got three sets i might only do four thank you sir i said that one hey Hey, Sam, thank you, sir. Can you do the NOLA accent? I'm talking the hardcore, heavy-duty, real. You gotta, like, it's just sort of like you gotta drop, I feel like you gotta drop all your words back in the back of your mouth.

Ooh. Hey, cheers to y'all. Mazel tov. Hey, happy holidays. Happy holidays. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. You know, wait.

That's pretty good. So. Is that good? Oh, that's very good. How did I do? That's very fucking good Oh that's great Yeah Really? Nailed it

I mean it's good Because I can tell I'm gonna be sloshed I know right I gotta get my act together There it is Look at that Come on

You can't let's excitement On the fan boat Down by the bayou Looking for them gators Down there on the Where you at You down there On the atchafalaya You down there On the way yeah you're down there on your chaffalaya

you're down there on the way yeah bayou bonfouca there he is are you driving no i was next to the guy though what uh when did you move here sean how long before mark we did same year you know you were first i mean i got here before you but you were the ambassador i think i got here in march and then you got you and zach zach sims y'all got here in like september yeah same year sims yeah he's funny funny guy phenom out of the gate he was like 15 doing comedy i remember from open mics in new orleans i remember he had he had a bit about he's he's a he's a guy uh he's wait did you do fucking open mics in new orleans when you went to twoane? I knew Wild Bill Dykes. Come on, look at this. It's all coming around.

Wait, when were you at Tulane? I was a freshman the year Katrina happened. 05. Fuck. All right, so I was already gone. I was already, all right. I was here for 9-11. I was there for Katrina.

Yeah, bro. I'm bad luck. Dude, I know. Hey, move him to China. He's moving to Wuhan. Am I right? People on the right? You fucks.

He's got a summer home in Columbine. All right, all right, all right. Every time he goes to LA, oh, shit. Blood slide. No, dude, it was those open mics, Lucy's Surfer Bar. That was classic. That was it. That was a great role for it.

Neil Stastny I knew. Neil Stastny. Neil and I, I moved up here in March. Neil moved right like a few weeks later. Me and Neil Stastny shared a bedroom in two separate apartments. Wow. Damn. Over the course of two years living in Brooklyn.

Ruined our friendship. It sucks. Really? It'll do it. Yeah, I love Neil. I'll always love him. He's a great joke writer. I hope he's doing well.

But it fucking, it'll just, you know, living with another dude for two years in two separate apartments it's tough share a bedroom yeah i'll fuck with you you see well yeah twist holy shit well you see a side of people just being roommates you see a side of people they are like all right this it's a different friendship i mean yeah like i mean he saw a side of me that probably no one should see. I mean, I'm a fat snoring slob. And he had to. Damn. So you shared one room and you snore?

Oh, he snores like a wildebeest. You got the CPAP, right? I have a CPAP now. Thank God. I have a CPAP. It doesn't truly work. It just numbs it. It brings my snoring from like a 10 to like a five.

Are people outside doing construction? like, keep it down. We stayed in the Denver condo together. You know the Denver condo. Oh, bro. The Comedy Works. Which is huge. It's like a two-bedroom, two-bedroom apartment. It's huge.

Can they get ceiling? Can they get walls? That's where they get you. So I'm there with Ari, Joe List. They were telling me to stay there. I'm there with Vitor. I hear his little feet dangling across the hallway every time he gets up. It was Ari, Joe List, Steve Simone, and me, and him in the condo.

At one point at five in the morning, we all came out with nightcaps on and a candle going, this fucking guy, we've got to kill him. We thought about killing him. We're standing over you with spears like Lord of the Flies. That happened with Mike Racine. Mike is a horrible snorer, and we would share hotel rooms early on, and I was like, I want to fucking kill this guy. He was also in a bad relationship at the time.

So you know when you have that check-in call when you're fighting with your girlfriend, and you're like, I'm going to take a walk and do this call? He would just have it right next to me. I'd be like, dude, you got to go somewhere. He's very Italian. Well, no. Snorers can only share. Canaan and I have shared rooms, and we're both snorers. But we've shared, me, Canaan, but snorers can only share, like Canaan and I have shared rooms. Uh-huh. And we're both snorers.

But we've shared, me, Canaan, but there's been other comedians like the next morning, they're just like bloodshot eyes like, you guys ready to go or what? You're like, oh, you've been up all night because we're fucking tag teaming you. Yeah. With our fucking honk shoes, baby. Plus the booze. Throw that on top of it. Yeah.

Help anybody. I mean, it sucks, man. It sucks because also i i know like i have a i'm in a almost eight-year relationship and i know my snoring is you know it's probably not as good as it should be because of that what's his name all right what uh the what what causes snoring why do people snore i mean for me it's probably 40 because i'm fat i'm just i'm just gonna beat i'm just gonna beat all the shitheads online to the punch here. Because I'm a fat fuck.

Because I drink too much. Because I'm gay. Because I'm a... But I snore too, and I'm not fat. Do you snore? Oh, man. Do you? I've had girls leave me.

What? Yeah. I mean, I fake snoring, so they would leave. But no, no. Oh, that's why you wanted me to coach you. That's why I did all those snore coaching sessions. But no, I'm a bad snorer. You know what?

You turned into a punchline when you become the snoring grandpa, though. My grandma would snore, and he would just be in his chair snoring, and we would just laugh. It was hilarious. Wait, wait. Okay, here's the thing, though. Do you snore? Not that I know of.

That means you don't. Do either of you, are either of you burrowers in the sack, though? Do you move at all? Yes, I do. Because I find snorers often stay 100% put until someone moves. So you got that going. So yes, there's the balance. I'm stormy.

Yeah, you're stormy? I'm Stormy Daniels. So you're banging Trump in bed every night? Every night. It's rough. But you're banging Trump in bed every night? Every night. It's rough. But you're a lanky son of an onion. So you must be, you're like one of those guys outside of a used car lot. You know, you're all limbs.

I sold a Dodge Neon. No, I'm moving in the car, in the bed a lot. And I get up to pee a ton. So I'm one of those. Oh, damn. I get up to pee a lot if we if we the three of us were in a spaceship that flew into like a cosmic event that turned us all a radioactive event that turned us all into superheroes you would definitely become the stretchy guy yes right right right who are you

what is mark yeah what am i am i am i flaming i think you're the flame all right i'll take it and i turn into the stone i guess oh yeah you're the thing i'm the thing i turn into the stone, I guess. Oh, yeah, you're the thing. I'm the thing. I turn into the thing. We don't have a woman. No woman. The chair just develops a bunch of vaginas. Those couches turn into pussies. That's a great couch. We just start fucking the couches off.

Where are they? The building's on fire. They're just fucking couches. No wonder Bill Cosby shopped at Sleepy's. All right. Is that what it's called sleepies yeah that's a mattress store that's what i was looking for yeah you know what i like most about this drink just a little fucking bad bad i know that's not me that's the that's the beer jew who brings

he brings in the nice uh i believe this is him isn't it yeah yeah it's for the cherries yeah i mean dude i manhattan i like a you ever have a Vucaray? That's in New Orleans. What is that? Yeah, can you look that up, Matt? It's square. It's almost like a Manhattan with absinthe, sort of. Oh. Absinthe is like the devil's.

That's the devil's saliva. Get that absinthe all over your ding dong. It doesn't work, though. You'll see shit, and you're like, no, I'm just hammered. No, yeah. Well, they only say that because i think uh previously uh before there was administrations to monitor how much booze was actually in booze there was absence batches that were just like 170 proof right so people would have two cocktails i'd be like oh i'm seeing shit it's like no you're actually not seeing shit yes because you're so

fucked up you can't focus they do that on movies too where the guy will go and then it's like whoa and all this shit like that never happens i just turn inward i hug my knees i cry but i've never seen a pink elephant have you done hallucinogen yes do you remember you've never done acid or truth we've talked about this before okay well if you ever want to mark is mark is pushing me do it on the podcast, which is a hard no. I'd be fun. I'm not busting my cherry on the podcast. All right.

Can I tell you? It'd be fun. I've never done shrooms with Mark, but I've been. So two years ago, maybe, to whatever, 2019, we're in fucking Salt Lake City. Yeah. And it's Bert, Ari, Ranzizi, O'Neal, me. That's where I gave you that STD. Oh, in the tub?

Yeah. We all got in the tub. No, I was the only one who didn't get it. Because they all got in the hot tub and all got a rash. And I didn't get it. I was the only one. Was it you? I had a rash cooking.

And we got in the tub. And we all got it. I was the only one. No, I got in, I think, day two or something. I didn't have enough exposure. I was rubbing my shit on your pillow. I didn't tell you. Well, there was that last night.

You gave everyone a rash? Apparently. Well, it was not a rash. It was, what do you call it? Oh, I- UTI. Yeah, UTI. Yeah, I had a wicked UTI.

Doesn't that hurt? You get used to it. Well, you know, you don't have to enjoy peeing. It's quick. Yeah, yeah. It's like giving birth. You do it yeah you know you don't know you don't have to enjoy pee and it's quick you know it's like giving birth you do it because you have to there you go because you're biologically programmed to get this thing out of your crotch but the fucking no it transferred via hot tub that was news to me well you remember you everyone they were y'all took shrooms oh yeah the last night that was and we just were like we're in we're just in the fucking condo or whatever the airbnb and mark's just like popping up giggling places yeah so you just be chatting

and mark would just appear right there it's like it was so fucking funny like you just be like forget that you're and you're in the kitchen eating you're like i know right i mean i eat this shit all the time and mark like ah me're like where the fuck did you come from yeah Michelle Wolf told me that she shroomed with you once in Bonro and she said that Mark was she described him as a cat

he would just show up from time to time and then run away and you'd be happy to see him and then he'd run away yeah you said that about a tell once I remember

a tell is like a cat at the cell he came over to say hi and I like asked him one too many questions and he ran and he walked away and you were like

you scared him off he's a grumpy cat he's like a bodega cat you pet him a couple times then he just runs away like i just be happy for the moment he's gonna be happy you get to tell for a minute he's over there spraying he's over there spraying on something right yeah this smells like iced coffee and cigarettes in a filter i love love it. I can't believe you gave people a rash in a hot tub. It's so weird to get that in a place where you relax. Oh, yeah. Good point. That sucks.

My argument's also that that hot tub was definitely not vetted before. For sure. It was an Airbnb hot tub. It could have been fucking. And it had six sweaty, drunk guys in it. Drunk comedians. Yeah. That's also.

That's where you mentioned blowing a guy. Yeah. I don't know if that was supposed to go out in the air. I don't fucking. That's it. Yeah. I've had one. Here we go.

This is. Is that all right? We can edit. Editing is for the weak. Wow. That's a T-shirt. Now, do we let them know i was the guy you blew or no it was there that's when you mentioned blowing a guy when you were blowing me right

sorry about that right no i mean there was there was it was uh 2013 right i'm shit you're not the year of blowjobs yeah 2013 uh right after i filmed uh half an hour my commons center half hour uh-huh we were we were at the after you know you've done did you do you 2013, right after I filmed Half an Hour, my Comedy Central Half Hour. Uh-huh. We were at the, after, you've done, did you do, where did you do yours? Boston. All right, so it was Boston. Okay, same year.

The Royale Theater. Same place. You remember, afterwards, we're all at the W, just getting shit wrecked, canned, you know, in the Comedy Central suite. Then we got kicked out of there yep and then we just they kept doing the thing we're like 20 of us went to another person's room then only seven of us went to another person's room then four of us and then it ended up being me in this he was one of the he was one of the employees that's all i know and he was like an attractive

dude who i could tell had been like flirtatious towards me he's a hunk you know yes i know the guy yeah because i he tried to blow me i said no because i have a little self-control yeah but uh he's a good looking guy but i was at that point where i was like huh single why the fuck not do this why not just give it a go wow so so like an open-minded you yeah i'm very not giving head you're receiving head what i did but we both have both have why i because it was in that moment where i was like i have to know i have to like i'm going for it you know yeah no right on here yeah oh i didn't know you blew him i thought he blew you you said you said it in the setup you

i did not know you blew him i was joking well this changes everything this is a very specific type of homophobic i just had no idea what i'm getting a phone call i gotta get out of here yeah yeah i want my son to be a cashier not a receiver damn it i look at i look at it like like visiting i don't know like you visit a place where you're like ah that was interesting i i see why people are into it not for me all right or like a dish if it were a place what would it be um atlantic city uh miami yeah you know what i mean like i get it i get why people love it but just not my perfect analogy that's good i i had a gay thing with a kid when we were seven we made out for a while and i yeah yeah yeah yeah we were seven years old made out for a while. Whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa. We were seven years old.

I mean, I was at, you know, all boys school, so it was prison gay. But no, we, yeah, for sure. That's pretty young even for a make out with a woman. Well, yeah, I mean, that's the thing.

It's like you can't, you can't physically really go further. Right. Your dick doesn't get hard. Good point. You know, you're limited. I feel like it doesn't get soft

at that age. I feel like I had a boner until I was 14. Really? This is your superpower. I feel like some people remember their first boner. I remember the first one.

I'm like, why is it soft? Will it ever be normal again? That would be, that'd be a, like everyone always gets like superpowers like, you know,

in those movies. What if there's a guy who just can't not get hard? He's always, second he comes, he's hard again. He's like, fuck, this is my movies. What if there's a guy who just can't not get hard? The second he comes, he's hard again. He's like, fuck, this is my life. It's Viagra Man.

You kind of help with the villains. He tries to run by, you trip him. You know, it's a trip wire. It took me a second. It was good. If we were an improv group, that would have been... I'd be out. That would have been a moment like,

guys, we're not we're not yes-handing mark here that must be the hardest part you never think about that improv groups they must kick people out sometimes yeah if you mom enough i'm sure that must be tough oh yeah where do you go from there yeah i've seen i have seen i have seen good improv same but it's like it's you could tell it's fuckers who've been together for a decade. Yeah. And just hang out all the time. I mean, technically, in many ways, a podcast is just improv. True.

Yeah. True. You know what I mean? We're just like hoping to get something good out of this. We're all laughing together. We're like listening. We're talking. And there's just no like, I'm a mad professor.

Right, right. And I demand you give me your firstborn child. Give me a location where you should be. There's none of that. You just go. You're not getting any audience. I forgot about that part, which is never. You know Todd Glass?

Yeah, I love Todd Glass. He's one of my fucking favorites. Funniest guy. So what I love about Todd. So crowd work. I think crowd work's fun and all, but i feel like a lot of times crowd work is essentially just repeating whatever they just said back to you in a different tone where you're like where are you from like oklahoma like oklahoma right people like they acknowledge the person yeah but todd but there's some people who are

excellent at that shit but todd does this other level of crowd work where it's almost like he's taking what the audience is saying and then putting it into his, the fucking crazy comedy machine that is his brain and is being like, what if? So I saw him once in LA. He was like, where are you guys? Do you guys do, do you do improv comedy? Are you guys improvisers? And one of the guys was like, I do.

He's like, it's crazy, right? Because when you ask for suggestions, it's bullshit. You don't, you don't really care what they say. You already have a thing planned. You already do. He's like, what if crazy, right? Because when you ask for suggestions, it's bullshit. You don't really care what they say. You already have a thing planned. You already do. He's like, what if I did that? What if I was the stand-up comedian? Here's what was going to happen.

And he gave the audience the script. He's like, I'm going to ask for a suggestion. No matter what you say, I'm going to hear bulldozer. All right? So he comes in, and he leaves the stage, comes back out, and he's like, all right, guys. I'm a one-man improv group. Well, I need a suggestion of a machine that's used on a construction site and people are just railing random shit he goes i heard bulldozer and then he starts fucking doing it and it was just like

oh man that's a level of like comedy that i miss seeing more of silly not silly or just like taking risks way off and left field right where like now and i mean it's very meta right i mean you're kind of very meta and i try i know i tend to lean that way sometimes a lot of comedians still do that a lot but i also feel like there's a pressure now because comedies now i don't know if they're fucking like telling kids at 14 years old or younger like you could be you're funny you should start doing comedy when you're when you hit puberty yeah like there's just a bigger middle class of comedy there's ever been it used to be like you're you're joan rivers or you're like a struggling road comic and now it's like there's a lot of people making a living at this sure kind of you know in the middle or it's

or it finally became respected as a craft there's probably both because i think because everyone not everyone like i think for the longest time, people didn't look at being funny as an actual talent. True. I think people were like, oh, singing's a talent. Playing an instrument's a talent. Acting, I can't do those things. Acting's a talent, whatever.

But I'm funny. What? I don't know if it is. I mean, it's like being athletic. It's vague. It's a big umbrella. But if you are athletic and you get good at basketball or why should i because i read this book on a hone comedy sure yes you have to call it but i do think you have to have it i agree you have to

and i think the it is a talent like you have to have like that innate that ability to just say something like do you remember the first time you were ever funny i remember some lines i had growing up i vividly remember the first time really i was ever funny what was i was in the sixth grade and i was at holy cross school for boys yeah yeah in the lower yeah that's where i went to middle school that's where i eventually knew i was gonna blow a good dude one day i guess wow but uh i beat it to the punch i remember i remember the you remember how teachers sometimes would let you just fuck off for the last 15 minutes of class yeah uh because good especially in louise yeah good teachers really seems to care we always do the rodney do you remember uh goodies headache powder yeah

so i remember our the teacher was letting us fucking goof off whatever and he was putting goodies headache powder in his drink and someone at one of the students was like what is that he's like it's headache powder i've been you guys are driving me crazy i've been having a pound or all you know whatever and i just i remember instinctually just raising my hand teacher called on me and i went my uncle snorts goodies up his nose and he spit took it's the first time i've ever with us that and laughed his fucking ass off and everybody else just sort of laughed and i didn't really even understand what the fuck i meant by that whoa i just knew i had somehow ascertained i love it snorting powder up an adult's nose was something that they did but

weren't supposed to do a A mature joke for your age. Right, but I just remember being like, oh, this would be funny. Yes. And that's a mild version. I'm sure people have way better versions and way funnier comedians, but I think you still have to have that thing. Yes, yes. It was in you and it had to come out.

Right, and you use that. I think like athleticism, everyone can be athletic, but not everyone is an athlete. Does that make sense? Agreed. Same thing with comedy. Everyone can be funny. Everyone can get better at it. But yeah, you have to start somewhere to make a career.

Or like anyone can be funny in a certain situation, but not everyone can be a comedian. No. Does that make sense? No. And I think that line has been blurred lately where it's like oh yeah well no you can do this you just have to move to new york you have to be a comedian you have to get past at the comedy cellar yep you have to get on leno or late night or leno you have to have a photo of you holding a microphone on facebook right right

right it's like if you do one open mic you can say i'm a comedian there's a formula to it but yeah but it is interesting. Like also, it's great that there's less gatekeepers, but at the same time, you know, bad shit always gets a lot of views. Like there's that guy who, you know, you see that guy bragging that he got all those eyeballs over 100 million eyeballs because he did a squid game like Ripoff. Oh, yeah, that fucking guy. All those eyeballs over 100 million eyeballs because he did a squid game like Ripoff. Oh, yeah, that fucking guy. And you're like, okay, but this dude had an actual idea.

This is the dude that had the idea. You're still not creative. Right, right, right. You're bragging that you are. It's almost like being a good businessman over being, you know. That's rewarded more than originality. I agree. I'm a fan of the original. I like that.

And this guy's just kind of glomming onto that. But you could say the same for Weird Al. Yeah. You know, but I like Weird Al. But Weird Al still created. He's still writing. He's still- His own lyrics.

And every single one of Weird Al's songs, he found a theme to his parody. Like, even his newer shit. Like, I think the best one he's done of all of weird al's catalog so far even though when is it weird al's catalog i know right but he's got a funny that he's got the same word uh for all his music as bob dylan yeah absolutely his canon like if weird al is not inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame it will be it will be a fucking crime he's a legend yeah but like i met him once sweet as pie yeah he was awesome great i think some of his best work was his later shit like

the handy the making fun making fun of the iggy azalea the i'm so handy you don't even know that but he raps as a handyman oh It's a great song. I'm fat. I'm fat as gold. Dude, Amish Paradise. Oh, that might be his opus. He always found the perfect... So silly. I always liked Weird Al a lot.

Wait, do you have an old school zinger you said as a kid? Because I got one. I mean, they're not that funny. I mean, that's the thing. When you're a kid, they're just not that... Well, that's okay. Yeah, okay. I mean, it was... I i literally i was in second grade i got in trouble with a teacher and uh i just got on my knees and did jim carrey in the mask you know the guys when

he's like did you do this i said it wasn't me it was a one-armed man but i did the jim carrey voice from the mask and he laughed his ass off and it, that got me out of trouble. So when you got on your knees, you were still four and a half feet tall? You starting forward? I got on my knees. I said, just let me out of trouble. I'll suck your dick, old man. Come on. No, I said, no, I did the Jim Carrey voice, and he was like, he laughed.

And you see that shit, and, of course, then you start taking it too far, because you see that when you get that laugh, it is a drug you're chasing some shit right and it's you it's hard to get that high back when you're a kid and you don't know what the fuck you're doing yeah that's why you know theater or some shit mine was uh my first birthday party i made the uh the invitations you know you had to hand write them out you know 50 of them or whatever and i wrote be there be triangle not great oh that hey dude that's are you kidding me that's a fucking ah it's a tweet but uh yeah but then the big laugh i remember getting was in like fourth grade my teacher yelled we were learning about expressions like what goes around comes around and you know whatever it is and she said now what do you not do in a glass house?

And I said, shower. Killed. Ooh, that's a good line. That's actually still good. Killed. That could end up on some of those Comedy Central little one-offs. Fat Jew just made a meme out of that one. That was a good one.

But here's the clinker. After this girl, Danielle, cameielle came up and she was like you were funny today do that again tomorrow and i'm being like so you start to learn the power of comedy yeah do that again tomorrow that's the same that's the audience member you see before the show like you better bring it tonight yes fuck you that's what it was just for that i'm gonna phone it in and get drunk right before the show. Wait, is Fat Jew still a thing? That guy's still around? I'm sure.

Either that or fuck Jerry. There's all those memes and jokes. People like us, right? Okay, like a year or so before that whole thing when he stole that dude's Instagram thing, I was in a movie with Fat Jew, Marc Maron, Eve, and Metta World Peace. Wow. Jeez, this is like the birthdays of the day. Dude. It. And Metta World Peace. Wow. Jeez. This is like the birthdays of the day. Dude.

It's such a random mix. Dude, it's a fucking, it's a movie called All Wifed Out. I think it's only available on iTunes. It's dog shit, probably. But I never saw it. But I remember shooting it. I was like, this is ridiculous. But I was in every scene with Eve.

Ah. And like two scenes with Metta World Peace, who can't fucking act. Sorry. I can see that. Sorry, Metta. Love Metta, though. That dude thought he could act. But he's a fucking legend. That dude would roll around. New York legend. We love you, Metta. Yeah, okay. Yeah, but you can't act. But he's a nice enough guy.

But fucking fat Jew, that dude told me, and he could have been fucking with me, but it changed my perception. He was like, all of the Hasidic Jew neighborhoods in Brooklyn, they're running ecstasy through. Oh. And I was like, what?

And he broke this whole thing down where he's like, I'm telling you, they have their own police departments. No one's going in there. That all ecstasy flows through. Interesting. Weird. The Hasidic Jewish neighborhoods in Williamsburg and Crown Heights. And I was like, holy fuck.

If that's true, that's kind of amazing. Yeah. That they're just like, women can't walk past the Purim thing. Not the Purim. What is it? They got to wear wigs. No, but what is it? No, they're weird with women going out at night or something.

It's something weird. What is it? There's a time of year where they can't have the string. Oh, the string. That they can't cross the the string uh oh the string that they can't i've seen across the women can't leave the yes or speak english in some situations hold on we gotta go you wrote women can't i'm like oh this is gonna be a fucking dangerous one the first thing that popped up was women can do anything yeah yeah yeah you ever heard of that i don't know oh man

not a good Jew over here. You can't cross these lines, but you can snort some lines of Molly. Yeah, apparently. Molly Steinberg. That's a girl I dated. Did you really? No, no, I'm just kidding. That'd be fucking funny if you did.

Have you ever dated a Jew? You like Jewish women a lot. I've had sex with many. Israeli, by the way. Wow. Ooh, talking about a tough cookie yeah my god she uh she would do a weird thing where i'd bang her and then i'd finish and she'd go leave it in wow all right see we just be laying there i'm like looking at my phone you know just sitting

there like am i good now she's holding a little mark who's going uh triangle, triangle. But the whole time he's talking about a vagina. Right, right. Wait, but you're Jewish, Sam, right? But I'm not religious. With a jacket. I mean, yeah, I'm not a religious. Caitlin, my girl, my partenaire is Jewish. Is she really?

Cook, Jewish name? I know, right? She seems so cool. Her mom, her mom's like legacy Hollywood Jew. Whoa. Oh, wow. Yeah. Different style of Jew out there.

Yeah, yeah. I get rolled up on a lot by the Hasidic guy. Me too. It's like, are you Jewish? And I'm like, oh, no. And they always just immediately. Beeline. I'm like, what if I say yes?

They just want to know. I'll come hang out. No, no, no. It's a trap. I did it once. It's a big mistake. Yeah, no. I'm on the street with Ron on yesterday, both Jewish.

And they come up to us, are you Jewish? At the same time, go, no. We've just been through it too long. And then Liz at the cellar is right next to us. And she's like, I should have yelled out, I am. We're like, oh. You're trapped. They're relentless.

I did it once. It's a to see i had a minute i had nothing to do that day and they took me off to the side did a big prayer and they said a bunch of like hymns and whatever and they smelled like shit and then they circumcised me but but it was weird it took like 30 minutes and they read me a bunch of passages it sucked yeah that's what i should have asked for i'm like can we do some manischewitz some shoot just to shoot a bottle of manischewitz yeah something these are fucking good i got these are very good these are going the ice too the ice kind of makes it a little nice it goes it's a little more it cuts it cuts a little yeah and i gotta slow down this is good ass remove this wait what's this bourbon we're drinking oh is this fucking basil hayden's yeah

oh christ you know it? Yeah, dude. I mean, I did host a show about drinking for two seasons. That's right, with Jake Larson. I love Jake. I did retain some fucking information that was forced down our throats. Yeah. And one of them is that Basil Hayden's.

I think that was a gift. All right. Good to know. That's good shit. Now, how hard is it? Because we drink a couple times a week for this show you had to drink what every day when we were filming we we would do like five days per city and usually i would say three on average three to four bars per day wow it would be all day it would be all day it would be by the end where you just fucking hammer dude i would i

was having like i was having episodes where i was episodes where I would wake up and not remember where I was or who I was for a few minutes. You don't want to black out while filming shit. That's a bad thing. You don't want to black out while sleeping. That's the best way I could describe it. I'd wake up and have to piss or something and be like, where am I? Chicago. Chicago.

Oh, wow. Sean. Sean. My name is sean like it was just like i just like my brain was so just inundated or that's not the right word there he is what channel was the show on it was on esquire they would play on the airplane yeah what about uh what were the best bars you were at i mean that's that's the fun that's a fun question because people will like ask me that sometimes i'm like if you watch the show you saw how fucking hammered i was right yeah i barely remembered any of it i will say i still believe this the best two drinking cities yeah in the country are new orleans and chicago oh meaning that you can drink a lot or meaning good bars good meaning just

meaning just like it's an actual culture here like Like I love drinking in New York. Yeah. But the bar scene in New York, it's kind of homogenized. They're all kind of, you've been to one, you've been to a mall. When's last call in New Orleans and in Chicago? There is no last call in New Orleans. Right. Okay, the Bourbon Street too. Okay, what about Chicago?

Chicago has everything from 2 a.m. to 5 a.m. So there's bars that close at 2 a.m., but then there's bars that close at- As long as you have the option for the after hours. Oh, yeah. And 5 a.m. I think is only have the option for the after hours. Oh, yeah. And 5 a.m., I think, is only on the weekends in Chicago. But you can drink. Every night of the week in Chicago, you can find a place to fucking stay. Malort, that's where they drink in Chicago.

That shit's disgusting. They made me do a shot of that. They made me. Like, I had no choice. They suggested I do a shot of Malort during my last weekend. Also, dude, they have their own St. Patrick's Day in Chicago. That's a fucking drinking culture. That's what I'm saying. it's a green river chicago is great chicago is a fun place drink i also i'm an asshole because i'll do that to people in chicago i'll order shots of

malort and be like guys we're doing a round of tequila and knock down and they come over there with shots like hey cheers to you and then everybody's like what the fuck i'm like malort you just got malorted you should have looked at it it's kind of green yeah lord fucking is rough rough not good what is it it's almost like a licoricey uh cough medicine but dude so caitlin pointed this because i when i met caitlin she was living in chicago but uh they have an amazing marketing team so there was a i think this is kind of famous you look this up there was a billboard in chic uh in a chicago neighborhood where one bill it was two billboards

next to one another one was for cooked champagne and it was just two glasses cheersing and it said she just found out she's pregnant right and then the next one they bought the billboard next to it and it was two shot glasses clinking and the text was oh no i'm sorry the strike that the cook's one said she just found out she's having twins the malort one said she just found out they're conjoined at the head ah i love that so like they like there it is yeah yeah yeah right there right there yeah yeah now you see that makes me want to go buy it. That's what it is. That's the power of comedy. I mean, that's the thing.

I just did a weekend in Chicago and... It's awesome. Yeah. I used to tell you Hall with Kinane and it was fucking amazing. It's one of the best comedy towns. Yeah, they were telling me there that the Malort advertising people are cool as fuck. Yeah, they get it. They get it that the...

I mean, that's a huge. It tastes like Satan's balls. Dollar's Shave Club. Dollar's Shave Club. They were all funny ads, and that's why it blew up. Funny stuff goes a long way, especially in the advertising. And also, Chicago is like, they're a cool city. I mean, honestly, when a city gets that cold, the people have to be cool.

Dude, I say. That's true. You can't get humble. The Midwest is my favorite part of the country to do comedy in. I can see that. Because it's a cold weather people are forced to develop personalities. It's so true. Because they spend half the year inside.

You can't just hang at a fucking beach all day. Yeah, it's a tundra. I'm with you. And I love- That's great. But I also love, I'm here too. Like the Midwest, Northeast. They're grateful too. Cold weather people because they get a good But I also love out here too. Like the Midwest, Northeast. They're grateful too.

Cold weather people because they get a good day or good. It's a distraction from the cold is tough. It is. It's hell. Well, I also feel like I love New York. I love certain rooms on the East Coast. I also feel like you get too many like there's a love of like edge here on the East Coast. I can get a little fucking exhausting where you're like

just listen to what i'm fucking saying i'm not gonna be just because i'm not saying certain words that make you believe that i'm on your fucking level tough ass i think you get too many fucking tough guy like ah come on that's comedy supposed to be edgy i'm like is it it's supposed to be funny you fuck i don't i i hate that whole like a comedy's supposed to be funny. You fuck. I don't, I hate that whole, like a comedy has got to be this, that, and the other thing. And it's like, no,

it doesn't. It's just gotta be funny. I hate that too. Dude. The people that are like, cause you know, cause I'll tell us sometimes I'll have like a joke that people are like, that's a dark joke.

I bet you like this guy. And then they show me a clip and he's like, so I'm throat fucking this baby. And I'm like, I don't like this shit. I would actually say to both of you, both of you are very well you're both extremely skilled at dark subject oh thanks well we watch i watch a lot i don't know about you but i i watch

a lot of comedy and i just see i don't want to be that guy i don't want to do that i don't do that yeah well edge thing you want to play it well it's like a it's like a violin oh yeah you know you gotta know the instrument if you're looking to be edgy, it's dangerous. Yes. Because you're trying to do a thing rather than be funny. Well, I look at it like a joke is like a sword, right? The edge should be sharp, but you also have to have a spine and a blade and a grind and a fucking handle. And the blade itself has to be well-tempered. And if you just focus on the edge part, the moment you try and strike something, the rest of the fucking thing will shatter. Because you weren't paying attention.

But the edge should be there. But the edge is actually the least important part. And only certain people can swallow it. And to all the people jumping on the, listen, this guy didn't watch enough Blademaster. Do you ever see that? Do you remember that show? No. What was it called?

Blademasters? It was like a- A sword show? It was like a top chef for blacksmiths. You got Matt doing a lot of Google searches over here. Blademaster. Yeah, there you got it. No, that's not that.

That sounds like a gay porn. It was. Coming at the W. Oh, there it comes. Here it comes. The belching it comes. Here it comes. The belching's coming. Bring it on. This is a belch-friendly show.

Mark Belcher's like, how deep in Rick and Morty are you now? I finished the first season. That's it? I'm getting there. That was months ago. I never had time to watch. I fucking, I'm obsessed with, I love that show. It's perfect.

Look at the picture above you. It's behind the captain. Oh, yeah. Forged by fire. Forged by fire. Big difference. Yeah, yeah i fucked that up i fucked that up but a friend friend of mine this was not me a friend of mine uh uh he he was like they should have called it master blader oh way better good yeah that's good no bow and walker shout out to you bobo he makes he's a he's a craftsman in denver uh but what's your what's your favorite drink when you're drinking with jay would you was it a lot of beer

what would you know the thing that was the thing that sucked about that show was that like we didn't have any creative control and that's the thing people would always got like people got like legit mad at me when i quit and not because they were huge fans of the show. Because they were like, how can you walk away from such a plush? I'm like, it wasn't plush, man. No. We love drinking booze in general because it's an escape. But when it becomes your fucking job, it sucks.

It's good. So you're drunk. And we couldn't fake drinking on camera. Yes, every now and again, we would tee up another shot and not actually take it. Because we'd already done three. And it was was like 2 30 in the afternoon kind of shit and we still had to do and so like we would actually and even if you were faking it like i am drinking this drink at a slightly slower pace me too but i am already drunk because booze affects you well it's also it's all bourbon i mean we just drank a fucking i mean this

has got to be but that was the thing there's many yeah whiskeys yeah shit you're right i didn't think about we would go to bars and have to drink their craziest drink or their most potent shit or do a shot of 50 year old appleton rum san francisco was that place rum wasn't very good tastes like wet newspaper no how do you like san francisco san francisco is a great drinking city um yep got the water there san francisco is fucking cool yeah it's a cool city i wish it would fucking be taken away from the goddamn tech people tech fuckers yeah i have a guy i went to high school with lives there him and his wife are both doctors and they they had to leave they couldn't afford to buy anything in san francisco wow two doctors two doctors couldn't buy.

Man. And then there's these fucking turds out here who are like, well, what are you going to do, man? That's just, you know, hey, America, you make money. It's always a guy like that who says that shit who actually doesn't have any money. Oh, yeah. The guy who's always like, whatever, dude, they're just making money. It's like, what are you worth?

You're not worth shit. You just fucking, you fantasize with them because you think you're gonna fucking be one of them one day by siding with them you're not well everyone thinks they're gonna be rich that's the thing it's like that's how that's how you get people is like no one's like everyone no matter what your job you're like i'll put it together yeah yeah yeah i'll figure it out something will click as you said that i'm like fuck I didn't know Sam was filming my mantra. I didn't know Sam had security cameras in my bathroom. That's why Bernie's got a hard time.

Bernie's like, we got to tax these fucking millionaires. And everyone in the country is kind of like, but I could be a millionaire. Yeah, it could be me. I could do it. I mean, dude, the fucking, we got to stop trying to elect Bernie, start trying to clone him. Get a young Bernie. Get Larry David. I remember Tim Dillon called me like three years ago.

He's like, did you hear they're taxing millionaires? I'm like, you're doing a lot better than me. I was just in Madison doing comedy on stage. Shout out. Fantastic fucking club. One of the great clubs. One of the great clubs, indeed. I don't know if there's anything better, honestly.

Tough to top that club. Tough to top. Oh, dude. Acme is up there in Minneapolis. I love Wise Guys in Utah. Wise Guys in Utah. I love Denver's great. These are the top of the fucking...

Philly Helium. Philly Helium. You're not going to get the green room. Commune State's amazing. The hotel's a block away. The town's great. You shouldn't be saying that on the podcast. You get weirdos walking back with you. Iune State's amazing. The hotel's a block away. The town's great. You shouldn't be saying that on the podcast. You got weirdos walking back with you.

I had that last time. I had a guy walking back. But the hotel's right there across from the Capitol. It's right there. It's the Park Hotel. That's right. It's an amazing club. The family's awesome that runs it.

The sister, Eve and Anna they're amazing the sisters that run it are awesome they're fucking awesome the whole place is amazing good people really seem to care thank you

I was getting nervous well they care that's all there is to it like they care they care about the business they care about who they put on stage they care about

how you're doing and you know what who they care about the least assholes who are like the customers always right right they're like no we care about customers who come who come in and are like we enjoy comedy and want to watch this yeah we've all had that thing on stage at a funny bone or a bonkers with a z and you go you got you're gonna kick this guy out you're gonna tase this

motherfucker he won't shut up and they go he bought chicken wings what do you want me to do and you're like all right i was at at Caroline's once And this guy would not He was like a scary dude And he would not Fucking let up my whole show And I said Is someone gonna kick this guy out And it was like

A dude who looked like me Who was a bouncer at Caroline's He walks over And whispers to him And he just looked up at me And goes He says no I was like

Yeah right I guess I'm fucked Exactly Dude One of my favorite I'm sorry I'm gonna say This was years back

As I show up Or between shows One of the the manager at the time was a guy named Joe, and he was like, hey, man, there's a table up front. They're a little hammered already, but we're watching them. Ah, you see. Already a dart. That table got thrown out at the end of the feature set. Perfect. They got them out.

So I get on stage right after, and I'm like, how about that table, huh? And then no one was sitting at the table. I'm like, it's kind of a waste of, kind of a shame. Does anybody want to move up? And there was a bunch of applause. And then, but one table was really emphatic about it. And I was like, can they move? And from the God mic, Joe goes, it's fine.

So this table, they move up four people into this table. And within five or 10 minutes, they're now a problem. The table is haunted. So they get thrown out. And then I was like, I think it's this fucking table and chairs. I go, can we get this table and chairs out of here? I said it as a joke. But then they come down.

The staff comes down, like, picks up the table, stack the chairs and walk out. And I'm, like, trying not to fucking lose my shit laughing because i can't believe they're doing that good but i'm trying to play into it like yeah you get a get the fuck i don't come to where you're made and give you an extra leg you know just i'm blowing away that they're actually you know what you know what honestly is always uh yeah that's why it's a great one of the greats no it's one of the greats and it's something about like liberal cities in red states. I don't even know if Wisconsin's red this time around.

I forgot. It was blue this time. It was blue this time. It's a purple state. It's a purple state. But those, when you get, like, Lexington, Kentucky. Great club. You're in a red state, but you got to-

Broadway? Yeah. Or off-Broadway? That's a good one. One of the most magical rooms. Yeah, it's a Broadway. Yeah. Yeah. Or off Broadway. That's a good one. One of the best, one of the most magical rooms. Yeah. It's a magical little room. It's a magical room where you just,

you get people. They just fucking know how they know you're kidding. They know it. It's a, which is so weird, but like, yeah, you go so many places.

Go up to right there. Go up to go bananas. That's a great club. Great club. Is it? It's not my favorite. Well, you got a pop in there.

It's a special pop. Yeah. Yeah. The room is electric but I've I've taken some hard L's in that room oh really

I don't know what it is maybe it's you no no I've had some bad nights maybe it's you is my next special title maybe it's me what happened

no it's you know why because it's not really I don't it bugs me look the room's incredible I met Ron on Hirshberg there it's, you know why? Because it's not really, I don't, it bugs me. Look, the room's incredible. I met Ron on Hirshberg there. It's where we met like eight years ago.

Jew to Jew. People of nowhere. Two Jews in Kentucky. He's got one of my favorite jokes ever where he said, he said, you know, my grandparents fled the Holocaust and moved to Kentucky. And people are like, a Jew from Kentucky? He's like, yeah, when they fled the Holocaust,

they weren't picky. That's a great joke. Kentucky's underrated, I think. Like Louisville's awesome. Louisville? Louisville. Yeah, what are you fucking. Kentucky's great.

Louisville is underrated. They're opening a club that people who run Spokane and. Bricktown. Bricktown. Bricktown was. Bricktown. That's a great club. That was a surprise.

Also, Oklahoma City, you're like, oh, that's right. Bricktown. Bricktown was Bricktown. That's a great club. That was a surprise. Also, Oklahoma City. You're like, oh, that's right. Weeds legal here. You forget that they have nothing else to do. Yeah. I love how Oklahoma has a rivalry with Texas where it's like if the two of you were to actually fight, it would just be called North Texas. I'm not trying to shit on the entire state.

It's like Kevin Hart and The Rock. It's not trying to shit on the entire state but kevin hart in the rock it's not gonna happen but uh yeah they and also it's like kind of a depressing city okay see where they're like well i'm like what's there to do they're like we got the bombing museum all right but we also have legal weed now for you to enjoy this yeah great barbecue and okay see sure great uh good people like they really are people the crowds are fucking awesome at that club yeah yeah and the uh the basketball team is good even though it's all about bricks they're not they're not good all right they're bad right now that was it but that was a good that was a good basketball joke good all right that was good that's better than triangle that's fucking dude i sat at some restaurant there i'm like showing before the show and some woman just

starts chatting me up an older lady and she's telling me like her husband's a musician he's some pretty famous musician uh fuck albino guy fuck albino yeah albino musician victor vernado albino we know powder uh no what's his name uh that movie is so bad. I heard it's horrible. It's a horrible movie. I watched it again over the pandemic just for fun, and it wasn't fun. You know when you do something just for fun, and you're like, oh, this isn't fun at all. No, it's past irony. It's just bummer.

Black albino. Does that help? Oh, he's a black albino? Yeah. All right. I'm going to blow a blino. But I'll say this about albinos. You would think the KKK.

Right there. You think the KKK would love them. Who's whiter? Huh? Yeah. I mean, I'll say this about albinos is a great album title. A great special title. I mean, they're the whitest people ever.

Look at their hair. This guy won't touch anything. Wow. I don't know. I don't know who it is. I'm sorry. Wait, who's that guy? Nah, I fucked up. I shouldn't even bother to touch anything. Wow. I don't know. I don't know who it is. I'm sorry. Wait, who's that guy? Nah, I fucked up.

I shouldn't even bother to say it. Is that Brother Ali? No. Steve Martin. No, look at him. Steve Martin. Last thing I'll say about the comedy club on State. The two women who run it, their dad owns it.

He's this cool Greek dude. Yeah, he's awesome. The two girls are beautiful women, cool as shit, and they will get in someone's face. They're like these hot girls and they'll one of them was on like a one knee like kaepernick style like you better shut the fuck up or you're going out of here to some lady and they were like oh fuck you and they she threw her out herself they've got they've got that like greek like you work for everything yes yeah they like yeah it's super badass yeah and they're fun they drink with you i mean they got it all they're good people for

thanksgiving i was in chicago yeah thanksgiving we were in chicago and we kind of didn't have plans and uh chad daniels who fucking if you don't know his comedy i think he's one of the most spin comics on pandora he's an incredible joke writer and a great guy awesome guy good egg him and kevin bozeman you know that guy yeah yeah so they i've heard he's incredible i've never seen him live i've never had kevin boosman well that was the thing they were like come up we were in chicago they were like come up to madison and we'll do like a thanksgiving just hang out during the day and the moment we get there chad we're just we're at a restaurant fucking chatting and chad's like what are y'all doing tonight and i was like actually we're gonna drive to dubuque

i had you know they're gonna let us in the condo early because I was doing the weekend after. And Chad's like, oh, okay, cool. And then like three shots arrive. Yep. And he's like, you're not driving. I already got you a hotel room. Nah. You got me a hotel room?

He's like, I have points. Don't worry about it. I got points. I got points. And then he fucking gets us. I love Rogue Comics. Yeah. And they're going to Dubuque.

These are all the markets we're not hitting. They take care of it. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, do we ever going to Dubuque. These are all the markets we're not hitting. They take care of it. Wait, have we ever been to Dubuque? No. Where is it? Iowa. It's like an hour and a half west of Madison. It's surprisingly like Chill City.

Okay. A little pirate's town. What's the guy who directed... Fuck. He's directed a lot of movies. The player? Robert Altman. Robert Altman.

Altman. It has a very robert altman's popeye oh like shantytown i like i was just watching the criterion interview with like matthew modine he's going through all the closet things and he's it's like you're like forget matthew modine's had this awesome career where he's like oh yeah he's like oh yeah i did shortcuts with uh robert altman he's one of my and then he goes to the next movie he's like oh yes i've worked with uh stanley my friend stanleyrick. And you're like, this dude's fucking lit. Apocalypse Now? Oh god, yeah.

No, no. Full Metal Jacket. Sorry, Full Metal Jacket. My bad. Yeah, I'm just saving you from the YouTube commenters. But this guy didn't go to war. It's like, neither did you, bro. Good point. Yeah, Paint It Black. Oh, yeah. How about... Movies were movies. Yeah, dude.

There's something about... the player is a great movie that uh i love we go to so many cities that are just strip mall after strip mall you go to like a city with some fucking character like i've never been to dubuque well that's why sf is so fun you're like look at these buildings look at this water look at this cool town and uh portland main cool town ashville north carolina portland Portland, Maine. Pirate's town, bro. Very pirate-y. Pirate's town right there. These cool little sleeper cities.

Portland, Maine is what Portland, Oregon is trying to be. And I still love Portland, Oregon. I enjoy it there. Yeah, I like it. I think the helium in Portland is fucking fantastic. I just got back from there. Electric. Yeah, I just recorded.

I did an album slash unofficial special there in August. But it's still because people are like, Portland's so woke. I'm like, yeah, but the people who go to that club. Are not. Are like, fucking make me laugh. I don't give a shit. They're aware of the wokeness and they go over the edge. They overcompensate.

But yes, when you see a dude with a beard and like an owl tattoo in Portland, Oregon, you're like, all right, man, that's, I get it. That's a look you went for. You see that same look in Portland, you're like, all right, man, I get it. That's a look you went for. You see that same look in Portland, Maine. You're like, this guy spent 18 months on a fishing barge. On a fishing barge. Yes, exactly. And tattooed an owl because it was his only friend.

It landed on the mast every day and gave you news of the mainland. And he named the owl after his dead wife. They go all in. Francis. Yeah. Dude, Portland, Maine is gorgeous, man. Gorgeous. A fucking summer. A lobster roll, dude. Beautiful go all in. Francis. Yeah. Portland, Maine is gorgeous, man. Gorgeous. You get fucking a lobster roll, dude.

Beautiful. Game over. Okay, here you go. Here you go. Okay, let's do this. Most underrated city in America. Damn. I got mine already fucking locked a little bit.

What do you got? Pittsburgh. Really? I like Pittsburgh. Yeah. I'm going there soon. The Warhol Museum is pretty cool they got some cool stuff it's a fucking cool it doesn't like i don't love the pittsburgh improv just throwing

that out there it's in a weird area it's like you see the abandoned railroad tracks you're like we get it you're struggling yeah yeah but they have um they have a fucking awesome little club called the club cafe where that's a good room and comedy sweet as hell but pittsburgh you walk around like the the fun areas you're like holy shit this is kind of beautiful i know and like and then you walk around downtown like it's all it's all condensed to that like little point yes and all the stadiums are right there the baseball stadium it's all very like and that river is cool they shot batman there they did they yeah yeah i think the gondola going down the gondola yeah it's a cool town well you got to remember these

these towns are huge with the steel boom yeah they just blew up and had all this money and income and then they just slowly shit the bed underrated city i'm having a hard time because i'm like i'm thinking like what cities i like and i'm like are they properly rated that's the thing I'm thinking like okay I'll give you one I like Wilmington North Carolina oh fantastic I'm going there this weekend it's a cool city is this a setup no okay this feels like a setup to be like

Sean have you ever been to Wilmington well thanks Byron Allen I'm going there this weekend Sean do you like eating do you like the gym? Just every setup. Yeah, dude. You know what's great?

Really quick. You know what's fucking great about that show? One time Eric Andre was on and he had to be like, so Eric, you have crazy dreams. Like all of the stuff. For everyone else. For like a John Roy, who I love, it's like, so John, you drive a lot. John's got a bit about being in a car but like Eric you're like so Eric you once thought

you were a walrus so Eric you have a beef with the Big Buford or whatever oh the Baconator with the Baconator yeah I got in trouble he yelled at me in the bathroom byron I talked about this once and he tried to sue me so what abort abort oh

yeah yeah bad idea i want to you what the fuck are you doing what do you call this supposed to be a great guy what are you doing he's a nice guy but i don't know we're making fun of comics unleashed i don't know fuck i want to do i want to do that should be a game where you're like you do byron allen you don't do the name but you just do the setup just and you guess what the comedian is like so your dad's uh your dad was an al-qaeda well you know the norm thing dina hasham what no love dana he just said like he was on uh comics unleashed he's like it couldn't have been more leashed he has a whole story about it but it's it's great it just breaks the whole thing down wait dina does have a joke about her dad.

No, she's got a joke about keeping her dad out of the country. Yeah. I don't want to fucking misconstrue or mess up another conference. Her dad is not an Al-Qaeda. He's not. Yes, he's not. I didn't mean that. It's just a joke, you fucks.

Al-Qaeda works. Boom. Dude, what's your city, Mark? Oh, Wilmington's great. It's almost like a mini New Orleans. Wilmington's awesome. It's a real boozy college town. Well, it's almost like a mini new orleans wilmington's awesome boozy college town i'm thinking of like a city that like great call isn't talked about like there's a lot of cities i love but i feel like wilmington is like yeah ashville does get

a lot of praise actually it's a lot of i love it but it's ashville's not underrated i just did duncan trussell's podcast great guy he's an ashville i think duncan's in ashville i think he's a very cool dude. I like Duncan a lot. Yeah. I don't. I'm trying to think of other cities that don't get the shine. Gainesville, Florida is a cool town.

Really? Yeah. Really cool town. But would you go to college there? Well, I mean, sure. Because that's where the University of Florida is. It's a college town. Right.

Okay. It's cool uh what's that place uh i got my second one lined up when you're ready not hit me where's nasa in alabama oh huntsville huntsville's cool and all the nasa people move there so you got the hillbilly and the nerds kind of coming together you got you got motherfuckers like dip in the lip yeah like like that like dirty sort of frayed hat yeah and like the boots and then they have a fucking british accent yes because they're they've been there for 10 years but they're from like southampton england cultures collide you're like are you a british dipper i thought that was a i

thought you had to be american it does sound like a British term it's got the fucking dipper is it dipper then what's the other city Eau Claire Wisconsin wow never heard of it so yeah there's a room they don't have a club but they've got like a comedy production crew called Clearwater Comedy

which I learned Eau Claire means translates into Clearwater from French so but just for you fucking Francophiles out there. Eau Claire, E-A-U. Eau Claire, yeah. Eau Claire. Not just Eau Claire. It was Irish.

Yeah. Eau Claire. You know, I got another one, actually. What? San Diego. San Diego's a good time. I was going to say Santa Barbara. San Diego's great.

San Diego's amazing. Great town. That's a great city. San Diego's great. San Diego's amazing. Great town. That's a great city. It's a fun... San Diego doesn't get a lot of shine because it's got L.A. and the Bay. Yes. Like, you put San Diego in another state, it's their A city. It's a military town.

Here we go. San Diego's like the Clay Thomas. Clay Thompson? Thompson. Shit. There you go. I'm fucking dropping the ball here. Me too.

As if they were on another. Wait, does that analogy make sense as if Clay Thompson was on another team? Oh, yeah. But also, I'm such a hoops junkie that I'm kind of like, yeah, you see the Patrick Ewing thing. I'm such a hoops junkie that I think he gets more points for being on a winner. To me, like Kevin McHale on the know uh chris bosh on the heat like you to me get more points for just winning and yeah sure and he i mean he's i think he's the second best shooter of all time and behind steph who's his teammate yeah steph is uh i mean clay is fucking cool if you follow i follow

him on instagram and he's hilarious like he's He'll just be driving with his bulldog and just be chill. He's just a cool fucking dude. Yeah. And he's always dressed as Will Ferrell from Semi Pro. He's just a fun dude. That's fucking fun. I'll say Louisville. We're doing cities too.

I've never been. What? Good. Good club. That's Renan's hometown. I know. Your best friend. Yeah.

I love Renan. George Clooney, Diane Sawyer, and Muhammad Ali. Whoa. Yeah, pretty good alumni. And My Morning Jacket. Is that right? They're all from, that's where they hail from. There you go.

And the Slugger itself. The Louisville Slugger. I know. Oh. I went to the factory and bought one. I don't know if I'm even a baseball guy. I was just like, I want to get a bat. I don't need a bat because I've played Hilarities, and they give you a bat every time you feel it i fucking love that

club that's that's a club in my top five sell out they give you a bat with your name engraved that's why i've only gotten that's why i've only gotten a glove well they gave me one i brought it to the airport and they go what are you doing they mail it to me they mail it oh that's the move so i have some guy in the cleveland airport's got my bet wait you tried to check it i tried to get it through security oh dude dude i if you have a well i guess i i well i had a shillelagh that i fucking what's that it's an irish oh fucking whooping stick sounds like a black chick shillelagh right after maisha Right after Moesha. I got to catch up to you guys.

Well, I'm trying to milk this one because I know if I have another, I'm going to be snuggling up to this Jew. Shall we? All right, fuck it. We got to do some Christmas stuff, too. Oh, shit, you're right. I'm the Jew here. Do you guys have any Christmas traditions? I mean, what are you guys doing for Christmas this year? And is there any longstanding stuff? I want to know. I bought the Jew here. Do you guys have any Christmas traditions? I mean, what are you guys doing for Christmas this year?

And is there any longstanding stuff? I want to know. I bought a tree today. Wow. I got a mini tree. And that's just a good feeling. You put that fucker over your back. You smell that tree sap bullshit.

They brought it home. The cat's playing with it. It's hitting all the branches. It's exciting. We have more ice, Matt. Oh, sorry, Matt. You producer. Good producer. Good producer really ice, Matt. Oh, sorry, Matt, you producer. Good producer really seems to care.

But no real tradition. We had a fake tree growing up, but it always bothered me. A fake tree, yeah. The fake trees are nice, though, because you just break them out every year, but I get it. There's something about walking past the trees in New York City and the smell. You're like, even as a Jew, I'm like, oh, it's so forbidden.

Yeah. It's like a Palestinian woman. Right. You're not going to get that with the i'm like oh it's so forbidden yeah it's like a palestinian woman right you're not gonna get that with the dreidels there's no sniff oh wait but were you did y'all did you not practice christmas or like did you have a tree in the house no no no no both my parents are jewish we my biological dad has a tree so we i've set up a tree at his place a couple times. But we're not close. I mean, but, you know, he's Jewish also, but his wife is Catholic.

But, you know, we never... But Jews appreciate Christmas more than Gentiles, I'd say. Sure. I feel like we're Mets fans and the Christians are like the Yankees fans. It's like you guys have the big thing and we're just like, good for you.

Right, right. That's like how rappers rap about money, but you don't really see a lot of white people rapping about money because they already have it. The best.

Gotham Studios, baby. Matt Peters. There's no one better. No one better. I just want to toss this out here. What do we look... Time-wise. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, yeah. Flown by? Yeah, yeah. Flown by? Yeah, yeah. Flown by. These Manhattans, man, they'll get you. I'll tell you. Good cocktail. What are we at, Matthew?

We got to be at at least an hour and ten. We just hit an hour. Oh, all right. All right. We can do a small one each. Yeah, do a little baby. A little baby. A little Brad Williams.

A little baby. A little baby Jesus. A little baby. A little Brad Williams. A little baby. A little baby Jesus. A little baby Jesus. Wait, wait. Easy. Was that Chappelle? Not Chappelle. Attell.

Attell. Attell jokes. Careful. Easy, big fella. Easy. Boogaloo. I was wearing clogs. Oh, shit.

Boogaloo. I got to get up. Oh, yeah. That's a sad sight right there. There it is, right? There we go. We're getting old, fellas. Just plug it.

This is a bar called the Irish Rose in New Orleans. Yep. It's anywhere both from. Yep. Irish coffees. That's why I wore the shirt because they gave it to me. Oh, are you allowed to tell where you're doing your special? Yeah, what's up?

When's your next special? So you taped one already in Portland. You're taping another? Because you've backlogged so much. You have so much great material. I have hours of material. I don't know. You've never put out a special since your half hour, right?

You have the albums. You're like Jay Leno. Well, here's how I fucked up. I fucked up because I was the tail end of that generation that was like, keep your shit, get it on a major network, get it on a thing, get it on HBO, get it on Netflix, get it on a Netflix, get it on something. Don't put it out there for free.

I was the tail end of that generation, so I was very precious about everything. We were there, too. But y'all were smart about it. Y'all started putting out. Like, I still have trouble embracing the social media monster. It's very hard. It's a nightmare. But y'all are y'all were smart about it y'all started putting out like i i still have trouble embracing the social media monster like i still are it's a nightmare but y'all are both excellent at it and i fuck up and get resentful of my myself daily and just like god damn i need to put more stuff out there because i really don't have shit out there i just don't have shit out there didn't

go and i'm putting out more and more yes so i you got a ton well yeah ton. Well, yeah. And so. You have so much great material, man. You really are like one of those dudes. Your last album, you had that story about the strip club, which is like. Scuttlebutt, the name strip. Scuttlebutt. That's a great, great bit. Thank you. You were really, I think, like elite.

I think as far as storytellers, it's like you, Jim Jeffries, Cosby. And. No, but you guys are really amazing storytellers. Thank you, buddy. You got two This Is Not Happenings, right? Three. Three, and they're all multi-million views. You got to check them out.

Look up his stories online. I mean, Sean is such a captivating storyteller. Yes. Because there's so many jokes. There's always a great payoff. Yes. They have heart. They have Yes. They have heart. They have emotion.

They have heart. The one you're in love with someone in one of them. Yeah. I mean, that's numerous. So I have a new album dropping on Christmas Eve. Whoa. It's called King Scorpio on the Helium Network. Nice.

It's dropping on Christmas Eve. On the Helium Network. Nice. It's dropping on Christmas Eve. But we filmed that recording at Helium in Portland and cut together an unofficial special that's going to come out in January. Oh, boy. On YouTube. Hell yeah.

Thank you. Because that's where it's at. All right. Well, that'll be in like 10 days from now. Yeah. So that album drops on Christmas Eve. King Scorpio. Check it out.

Check it out. I haven't heard it, but I know it's going to be great because it's Sean. Thank you. He's truly one of the best comics, so please look him up. Really a great stand-up. But I'm filming the first official special at Tipitina's in New Orleans on February 3rd. Oh! February 3rd, 2022.

Thank you for the drink. By the way, Tipitina's in Newleans is our maybe so like our cbgbs or something it's like hometown been there for a million years it's a local divey music i love it because it's owned by the band that became famous there whoa galactic they own it galactic oh so they became they came up there and then when it went on sale they were like hey and they bought it so i think that's fucking beautiful. But I remember going to look at venues back in June. Tip of Teens was the first one we went to look at.

And in my head, I was like, man, this is like 800 seats. It's just going to be way too big. And when I walked in, I was like, oh, it's just huge in my memory. Yes. How many seats is it? I mean, with seating, it's only 200. Wow. But standing, they can get like 1,000.

Yeah, a lot of standing room. So we're doing standing room specials. No, but like, yeah, it's an amazing venue. Yeah, no, I've been there. It's fucking awesome. February 3rd, 2022. Tickets are already on sale. There's two shows, two tapings, seven and nine.

Oh, that's going to be great. Yeah. I did the Howlin' Wolf last weekend. That place is great. It's great. First place I ever got paid to do comedy, so it's fun to go back and sell it out. But the guy gave me a bag of merch. And I was like, what's this?

Howie? He goes, Stu. Stu. Stu. And I was like, what's this for? He goes, well, everywhere you go, you wear a tip of Tina shit. Can you rep us, you cunt? I was like, oh, yeah, sorry.

Oh, fuck. Because they're both music venues. I'll give you, they sent me a bunch of. If you got any. Wait, did you do, so you just did it? Just did it. That's a great venue. Great venue. We looked at that venue too, fuck. Because they're both music venues. I'll give you... They sent me a bunch of... If you got any. Wait, did you do... So you just did it? Just did it. That's a great venue.

Great venue. We looked at that venue too, yeah. We had a great show. My parents came, kind of ruined everything. Wow. They don't normally come, right? No, no. It was brutal.

It was in my head the whole time. How tough. I was doing a lot of curse words. Oh, dude. I was at Gramercy, and my folks are... They showed up? Well, my parents came, and they're like double masked. They're like terrified of everyone. I'm like, you don't have to come i feel bad you're here yeah they're like no we want to be here they're like we got them like a separate row they're like

in the corner i'm like all right that's what i did i got a vip in the back and then somebody i do a q a at the end and somebody goes is your mom here as a joke and i went yeah she's actually in the back and she stood up and did this whole thing. And got a big laugh. Got a huge pop, yeah. I mean, people love that shit. They love it. They love it. I didn't do that.

Thank God. My dad was like, what the fuck? I'm here, yeah. It's so funny when sometimes people do Q&As and it's like, all right. And then it's like, oh, no one has any questions. I know. That has happened. Well, I usually would just say, give me current events.

Because I feel weird being like Q&A. I'm like, who the fuck am I? Yes. But, you know, yeah, I mean, that's epic. You're hometown, you're a hometown hero, man. You do your thing. Yeah, you are. Your shit's so good.

I know it's going to pop off. And you'll get a clip. So is it different material? Yeah. Wow. Well, it's a different, like, it's just that, like, what I i recorded and the thing that the album that's coming out on the the helium uh the helium jeez i'm fucking my hammer these are the album that's coming out on christmas eve helium yes that's like material the thing i'm doing on uh the third at tipatina's it's it's based off of

the one person show i did at ed at Edinburgh like four years ago. Whoa. That I shelved when I came back from Edinburgh in 2017. I shelved the show because it was a lot. And it's a comedy, but there's like emotional parts of it, but it's a comedy. But I shelved it because I couldn't really do it at clubs, and I had a bunch of clubs lined up. Right. And then just time passed, and all of a sudden I was working on this other hour, and then I recorded that for an album For Scuttlebutt So prolific

So where can people find it? Is it just an album or is it going to be on YouTube as well? The album is going to be You can find Helium Records but anywhere albums are got It's called King Scorpio King Scorpio And then we're going to release it on January 24th On YouTube

December 24th January We're doing the album release on Christmas Eve January 24th on YouTube. December 24th. Oh, no. January. Okay. So we're doing the album release on Christmas Eve and then the special release on 24th, but it's unofficial. And then the actual fucking... I don't think it's up yet.

Why are you unannounced? Shouldn't we be plugging the shit out of this thing? Oh, it's because we don't know exactly where we're fucking putting it yet we know we're putting on youtube but i think it's going to be helium's youtube oh okay we don't know yet but like but but the but the special i'm filming at tipatina's we have we i do not know where that's ending up yet but i know 800 pound gorilla's producing it all right and we're uh in in conjunction with uh all things comedy i believe oh but like we don't we just don't know like it's like that's we're in conjunction with All Things Comedy I believe. But we just don't know. We're going to film it and then be like

alright where's it going? These days it's just about getting someone to do it with you. I mean you fuckers both. I did 800 pound without the lunch. Yeah so there you go. They're great. They do good work and they let you have the spotlight. They give it all to you. Yeah.

And I mean Sam's probably got two more specials in a documentary in the pipes. work and they let you have the spotlight they give it all to you yeah yeah yeah and i mean you i mean i mean you're sam's probably got two more specials in a documentary in the pipes you know and also and a and a and a food and a cooking show and your own like how look how drunk you are i mean this is the pot calling the cops on the but like i'm with you well no, no, I mean, you know. I should have said, let's do Jim Gimlet's. Well, you got so much. You have so much backlog, man.

It's exciting. I think it's going to be huge for you. It's about time. You're like an artist. You're all over the world. You're doing your Edinburgh shit in Portland and all that. It's great. I mean, thank you.

I think it's going to be a big year for you. It's just about you. This is something that, thank you, but this is something that going back to what y'all were saying earlier or you were saying earlier specifically it's like there are less gatekeepers and that is great yeah but it also means that like there's a whole another wing added on to being a comedian now that is was difficult to adjust to here's what it is we used to be boxers you know you look at this boxing sunny liston and muhammad ali and all these guys sugar ray and then now we have to be mma fighters you can't just have bought you got to have a wrestling and a grapple and all this other shit you can't just be a businessman now yes you gotta have every

you gotta have twitter you have to have a video you have to have a. You have to have a video. You have to have a sketch. You have to have a podcast. You have to have a stand-up set. But it's good. It is good that we take back some of that control. I do agree. Their taste is lacking. The industry is always going to suck. But us doing our shit, having a link to have people send to.

When your friends promote you and you're like, here's the link link it's so much better than watch at 9 p.m you know no one fucking does that that's true it's like homework it's it's good and bad pros and cons bittersweet yeah because would you want to you ever heard of the old buddhist quote now i'm shit-faced do it that old buddhist quote where they say if you all the people all of the human race got together in one place and we all threw our problems in a pit you'd pull yours back first you know like saying like you got a crick in your neck i'm uh you're fat whatever it is we all have our own shit but i don't want to be fat so i pull that back because i want my shit i'd rather be impotent because you at least know how to deal with your shit.

Yes, exactly. It's the same with the industry. It's like, yeah, the industry sucks now. You got to do your own shit. You got to post videos. But this is still better than just the industry. Yeah, certainly. Does that make sense?

I'm not actually impotent. Everything's way better than it was, honestly. I mean, they're so bad. I mean, it also sucks how much power Netflix has, you know, because, look, HBO is cool, but also, like, no one's popping off HBO specials either. So it's kind of like YouTube, right? Isn't that weird?

It was the watermark. I still look at it as the watermark in some ways. Or just, like, the personal, like, oh, HBO. But, you know know now it's purple it's real what's really like netflix and then youtube which is weird you know well it's because they're the only two global streaming oh they're the only two that are global like vimeo where you at you're fucking dropping the ball here what are you doing vim you can swing in here and have some fucking i just think youtube is is hard. It's this giant...

They're owned by Google. I mean, it's hard to fuck with them. Vimeo's at the W Hotel getting its dick sucked. Like, wait, what? What are we missing on? Wait, so I just... For some reason, when you said you were hammered, one of my favorite Mark Norman hammered stories is...

I mean, there's numerous. I'm going to tell... I'm going to give a PG version. But we were at Whiplash. Oh, yeah. Old UCB show. Old UCB show, Monday nights, 11 p.m. It was fucking fantastic.

And you leave Whiplash, and the play was go up the block to the Molly Wee. Yes. And there was one night where, like, a whole group of comics would all come up. And the vibe was that the show was kind of weird that night and everybody's sort of like i don't know but we'd all been drinking because there was booze i don't know i don't think i want to go the molly way and mark's just like no fuck that come on come on we're in new york we're doing comedy come on we're going to we're going to molly way come on he does his mark thing was like ah come on what are you gonna go go home what are you what

are you gonna go go home what are you gonna take the train for it no come on come on we're all going and like this whole group of us is like eight of us like yeah yeah yeah the reality is i live 18 hours into brooklyn and i don't want to go home well no that was a funny part we're all like yeah we're going to the molly we're all like fucking charged like a fucking and we're walking on the molly way and i look back and i see mark running towards the a the opposite direction you got us all fucking riled up and like yeah we're going and no one looked at you and you just as soon as we go and you're like it's a scottish goodbye you just get everybody riled up and you go the other way i always said there's the irish goodbye and then when you go when an irish goodbye and then when you realize you left your phone and have to go back and pretend like you didn't irish goodbye that's the scottish hello

mike cat or it might be josh gondelman somebody has that great joke that that's the irish goodbye the jewish goodbye is we have to say bye to everyone nine times and then leave oh yeah i might have butchered that that's funny though yeah what are there any um should we do holiday movies oh yeah christmas app right we do a bit should we do a peeve do you have a peeve i've i've worked but i got tons of fucking peeve hit us with a peeve my newest okay so an old a long-standing peeve oh i don't i don't think this one's anyone next week wow all right all right i mean i don't know we could do them that too i don't give a shit i mean after Vacation, I feel like it's a drop-off.

It's a drop-off? Christmas Story, Love Actually. Christmas Story. I mean, Die Hard. I still go Die Hard. Oh, Die Hard. You think it's a Christmas movie? It's a Die Hard Christmas guy. We get it. It's a Christmas movie. Bad Santa's pretty good. Bad Santa's great.

What else? Anything else? I've never seen it's a wonderful life what i've never i've never actually seen either scrooged is fun scrooged is actually probably one of an underrated because bill murray gives that like and you could do like that speech that bill murray speech at the end so good yeah i mean i grew up with that movie i'm actually yeah i'm gonna throw scrooged in there. All right. Yeah. No, Peeve. I saw it when I was young.

I don't even remember it, to be honest. Scrooge? It's dark. Bobcat's in it. I mean, dude, Groundhog Day is dark. That's true. It's kind of weirdly dark by today's standards. It's a new play on Christmas Carol, the Ghost of Christmas Past, all that shit.

Yeah. It's actually, it's pretty fucking great. It's pretty good. I was just hanging out with Bobcat in Chicago. Oh, really? He's an awesome dude. He's an awesome dude he's awesome dude and still and still got it he went on his movie with dana gould his new movie uh check it out it's on it's anywhere you buy that stuff it's great oh yeah i'll check that out like oh the documentary guys yeah certainly dana's the best i love that funny as hell and funny off the cuff as well as written.

One of the best comedy minds. I mean, just so good. Simpsons for years. Yeah. One of his episodes just got censored because it's a Tiananmen Square joke. There's like CNN story. It's all over the news. It got censored.

Really? They won't play it in China because there's a Tiananmen Square joke. By the way, Dana's adopted like multiple Chinese girls. Yeah, right. So it's like maybe this isn't like China phobic. That's what I hate. We never take in the good as much as we take in the bad. You know, if you said this horrible thing, but you also did this great thing, we just

focus on the horrible thing you said. It's like, what about the great thing I did? It's also a joke. It's also a joke on a comedy show, on a cartoon. I mean, the truth is, like, they just, people just want, I believe that there is a dopamine release that happens when you are angry or offended. And for years, it just wasn't a massive experience like it is now.

Now it's on. And I feel like there's a younger generation or even an older generation. I don't think it's generational. I think it's just like there's a type of person who enjoys being like oh no no no not even listening as a i can't believe there's a person who like enjoys that like moment and like it makes them feel good yeah they're not gonna win because we don't no one's getting censored well they could do it alone in their room but they don't they have to broadcast it which shows that it's for some other reason than but i mean like i read morality there's this whole fucking i can't remember where i read this guy i'm drunk but like censorship isn't really

happening it's not real like censorship means we say something a fucking government authority comes in that door and arrest all three of us for speaking our mind lenny bruce was censored exactly like but being kicked off of like a platform or someone not wanting to hear what you have to say that's not censorship that's like whenever alex jones or any of those fucks go off on like the censorship they're like no one's what no one just we no one cares who you have to fucking say well the clothes that's not censorship we get to that is with china shit like i feel like a lot of like lebron or whatever be like would be like, this and that and this and that. And everybody goes, yeah, yeah.

And then you go, what about China? And he goes, all right, we got to get out of here. And you're like, well, that feels a little sensory. Well, once you're in the billionaire realm. Oh, you mean like he doesn't want to talk shit on China. Yeah, but that's still not censorship. Things seem to get compromised. That's self-editing.

But it feels like, why is he so worried about this and not worried about that? Well, that's probably because he's got investments. For sure. Of course. The NBA is huge in China, and the truth is, any billionaire, in terms of being an activist, has a huge Achilles heel. Let's be real. You cut corners to make that kind of money.

But China has slavery and all this shit, and everybody's like, hey, what are you going to do? It's China. But, hey, we've got to stop doing this. LeBron's also done a lot of incredible activism. I agree. I agree. I agree. I'm just saying.

Yeah, I mean, look, every billionaire's got their shit. Right. No one's perfect. No one's perfect. Everyone's got shit. We act like if you're not perfect, we're going to ruin your life. I mean, Bezos has done a ton of terrible shit. He's also given a ton of money.

Yes. I mean, you know, it's complicated. He gave me two bill. He didn't. But that's where I reveal I'm a billionaire now. He sent you to space. Yeah. NASA's really dropping the fucking ball on the opportunity to straight up, like, extort some money from these billionaires.

They take them to space and they're like, this is amazing. Well, we're not going back. Branson, you want to get back? We're going to need about three, Bill, to get you fuckers back on the planet. If not, enjoy the sea of tranquility and consider yourself mermen. You want to end world hunger? Here we go. Yeah, nasty.

You could really be fucking saving the day here. You take one trip around the moon, back with 200 fucking bill yeah well it's like i said 100 bill why do i turn to a fucking dot like a like a cab driver like a union delegate 400 bill i had some i had a manhattan but i sound like i'm from fucking stan island well kim kardashian just saved a bunch of kids from Afghanistan. So there's your money well spent. I just looked at, I was like, why am I, do I have headphones on? Oh, that's Matt Peters, the producer. These Manhattan's go down too easy.

It's like a David Lynch film. I will say, there's something about whiskey cocktails in the winter that just hit different. Say that five hit different. Say that five times fast. Whiskey cocktails. Something about whiskey cocktails in the winter. That's not that hard. Whiskey cocktails in the winter, is it?

Yeah, you're like Mother Goose all of a sudden. Winter whiskey cocktails in the winter. If he's Mother Goose, who are you, Father Duck? This one is weird. We might be a little drunk on this did you put fucking cbd in here manhattan's in the winter man it's fucking can't beat it man it's glad i drove because you get the well you get the ice so you're kind of chill but it's like the warmth of the whiskey it hits everything. Can I sleep here after this?

I might need to nap it up. Can we order some of that Chinese food from downstairs? Now you're talking. I want some of that scrambled eggs and shrimp. Oh, I want to say one thing about, you talk about the table. Get this table out of here. Yeah. Rory Scovel, one of the funniest guys of all time.

Oh, dude, Jedi. Brilliant Jedi. He was an old wives' tale of legend. This went all over the country in the comedy world. You're talking about in Vancouver? Seattle. Okay. Seattle Comedy Fest, which is a big deal.

Everybody's nervous. Oh, God, you want to win. You want to do well. You don't want to get kicked out. He went on stage at some theater. He's like in the finals of seattle comedy fest a man and a woman get up during their during his set and walks to the bathroom or leaves or something and he was like that was weird did i say something and he goes you know what fuck it

let's he goes in the crowd brings their table on the stage and brings their two chairs up on stage they come back from the bathroom and they're like, what? And he goes, oh, this is your seats. They come up on stage and he starts riffing with them and it's killing! And they're just riffing with a couple on stage. Rory Scoville needs a camera at every show because I feel like

magic will happen. Genius! There's the other story about him having a cordless mic and he's walking around the stage like fucking with everything in the room He was just so good off the cuff And he sees an elevator, like an old freight elevator But it's glass So he gets in the elevator and he's riffing

In the elevator while going up So they can all see him go up He's just like on another level, that guy Yeah man, Rory's fucking great He really is funny Where you been? Scoville? Where the fuck you been, buddy?

I remember he did a thing like Barlow and Esme back in the day. Oh, yeah. Great show. I remember it was a Brett Favre. This is how long ago it was. Brett Favre was, I think, on the Packers. So this is how long. This is going to date the story. But they're playing, and he just starts.

The game is on in the back, and he just starts narrating it. He starts calling the game game and it's killing like he's just doing and that announcer calling brett farve and the crowd it's like an ulti room they're fucking dying dying that's how you do it man and then we gotta follow that with uh so what's up with the post office dating's weird yeah he's just he's he's he's touched he's like enlightened his comedy way we're like i wish you could harness it incredible improviser yeah you gotta be in the room for him put that guy in any moment any moment he's always in the moment 9-11 on the tower he was killing even like in even in just person he's just like yeah chatting with him he's just he's there he's in the moment

yeah he's just important to be in the moment yeah i know he's like talking about things on like he's just like chatting with them he's just he's there he's in the moment yeah he's just important to be in the moment yeah i know he's like talking about things on like he's like what'd you get and you're just telling what you order and he just responds and you're like i never i never looked at shrimp that way before yeah and it's not like he's gonna where you're from there's none of that shit it's all next level just in the moment shit yeah that's why i put him in todd glass like just give them a show where they just don't even give it a theme it's just like it's why i put him and todd glass like just give them a show where they just don't even give it a theme it's just like it's todd rory yeah and let him just just follow them into places i saw them once todd glass was on stage at whiplash this is nine years ago and uh he's bombing and rory goes we get it you're gay yeah i was hosting oh really and then todd glass

like you tell that killed and it bothered him and he goes uh oh yeah well that's why your dad's dead but roy's dad's dead and i mean they just went back and forth just saying the worst shit and their best friends but uh it was it was pretty pretty epic that's when you get in the basement we have a new fucking mark here. Yeah. The Belgian. I love it. Welcome to the club. I'm into the Belgian. You don't like it? No, I love it. I'm into it. We need you to belch.

Yeah. Did you hit one? You hit one on deck. You hit one in the pipes. I know. How'd you pull that off? I don't know. That sucked.

That was terrible. The episode where Sam barfed. Barfed. I just started puking all over the mic. Oh, man. By the way, my girlfriend's been farting. What do you think about that? I'm working on a new bit about how my girlfriend will sometimes...

I need an ending to this, but I'll say she'll... Sometimes she will leave the room to fart, but she never does that with her feelings. You know, like... That's right. It's a classic Merle. And I was like, well, you know, as weird as I prefer the farts. Yes.

I've never had a woman fart in the bathroom at 2 in the morning. I've been like, guess I got to go in there. That's the turn I have right now. I don't know. A fart will dissipate the feeling. You got to face them. You don't have to face the fart. When you said your girlfriend's been farting lately.

Well, I guess we've been together long enough where she's like. Yeah, no. I mean, there's a comfort level. Is that just lately, though? When you said your girlfriend's been farting lately. Well, I guess we've been together long enough where she's like, meh. Yeah, no, I mean, there's a comfort level. Is that just lately, though? No, but I think there's a guard down that is set. Yes. I think women are weird about doing that. And I'm kind of like, I don't give a shit. I go, what are you holding an end for?

I always say, dude, I always fart early. I fart early, too. I sit down, I go. I have a bit. I would like, I would like, you know, I did a thing where I would light a fart in front of a girl every time just because it's very doable. I don't know. If I had to fart right now, I'd give me a lighter, but I don't.

Really? That's a Southern mating call. Yeah. But you do that and just and see how they react. And you know, if you're going to be in it for longer than that night. Yeah. But yeah, dude, farting, I mean. You just don't want to, look, this is how I look at it.

She's allowed to fart. She's a human being. It's a bodily function. But you don't want your woman farting every 10 seconds, and you don't want your man crying every 10 seconds. Farting for a woman and crying for a man are the same. I don't know. I'm just saying. Look, it's okay for a woman and crying for a man are the same. I don't know. I'm just saying. Look, it's okay for a guy to cry.

Your relative dies or whatever. You especially don't want her crying or him crying because she farted. Right, right. You don't want them happening at the same time. Or her farting. Actually, but it's okay if she farts because you're crying. Suck it up, pussy. Right. It's okay if she farts because you're crying. Shut it up, pussy. I know when she...

The thing is, like, at least, you know, the thing is you don't know when a guy's going to cry. You know when a woman's going to fart. We ordered Indian. It's coming. You know, it's a... Oh, a funeral. I feel like you don't want to cry.

Funeral. I guess certain events. Yes, it's going out to Indian buffet, going to a funeral. Those are the two guarantees. She's going to fart. I'm going to a funeral. Those are the two guarantees. She's going to fart. I'm going to cry. But it sucks. I mean, it's terrible to go to an Indian funeral then.

And also, you don't want to hold either one in. You're holding a fart. You're holding a cry. Something bigger is going to come out later. Well, you're going to shit the bed yeah in many different ways yes yes exactly both literally and figuratively yes by the way can we switch can we make figuratively the word instead of i literally am on fire right now just say figuratively it's true it's what you actually it's literally one extra

syllable you're right like when i when people are just like like i i could literally eat a horse like i can say i figuratively eat a horse i get it yeah i i or even when you're using it correctly it's like do you know any other fucking adjectives well it's like every other one we got to go to the peak you know you go he's a nazi and you're like he's jewish what go to the biggest one he's a ray he's a whatever he's a pedophile you go to the he's a nazi he's a jew yeah um yeah yeah guys lewis is hispanic give it a little friendly little friendly knock on the shoulder there you go he's having a good run plug other what you got dates you want to plug on the road late december january february whatever you guys literally have do we get that peeve oh the peeve real quick

what's the peeve yeah hit it with the peeve uh the peeve is so this is not a new one of people who do not uh who play music without headphones on public transportation. Oh, that's crazy. Like, I get it. Okay. I get it. It's never good music either. With cyclists, I get it. Okay. Because they're zipping by.

Well, also because you can't have headphones on when you're riding a bike. You have to be able to hear cars and shit. Yeah, yeah. I never thought of that. Yeah, yeah. Makes sense. I get it. But on, it's just like, I get it.

You're on a fucking, you're on a subway. You don't give a fuck. It's that attitude, I think. It's mainly like, I don't give a fuck it's that attitude I think it's mainly like I don't give a fuck I play my fucking music you can't tell me you can't tell me what to listen to fuck all y'all yeah fine fine cool it's always the same music too can we get just once I want to hear James Taylor

on those speakers that would be great the one that but the peeve is now and this is only in New York I don't know because I don't ride public transportation all the time in other cities but people watching fucking tv without headphones on on their phones and crazy crazy what are you out of the bus it's crazy it's an epidemic like i don't like it you know what and i think you're not in the bull bus anymore well in my day there was a lot of casino games ting ting ting ting ting you're like come on so my my answer is like if you're if some i like i'm gonna start fucking you're gonna sit there and

watch your bullshit lie it's also like i get it the music can kind of make you seem cool if you're like i'm gonna play this fucking death metal i'm gonna play some mastodon at full volume and i don't give a fuck what anybody thinks fine i could kind of seem you make people might people might be like fuck that guy but he's kind of scary but when you're sitting there watching season one of ozark with no headphones it's like what's your what's the end game there you're trying i think it's because they're like oh i'm just now catching up on this so people think i have a life and i'm busy right Right, right. I like Laura Lenny too, but there's a time and a place. Right, right. And that time is fucking home motherfucker. Home! Or get some airpods.

Or get some fucking like, because that makes me want to sit next to you and be like, I'm going to watch the next episode. Best moment of my life. I'm going to listen to the episode you're watching and play the next one. Best moment of my life. Same time. I used to go to the rec center. It's a bunch of poor people and old people and me. And there was always this Puerto Rican guy who played loud music all day long.

Salsa shit, whatever. Everybody hated him, but he was old and weird, so we all let it slide. One day, this young black guy comes in. He starts blaring hip hop, and they both look at each other like, what are you doing? And he was like, what are you doing? He's like, what are you doing? And I was sitting there curling going, ah, fuck you both. You're both assholes.

And now you're mad at that asshole for being you. And you're that asshole. And it was like, it was a beautiful thing. You look kind of like a Batman villain when you laugh that way in that jacket. Yeah, I know, dude. The curler. The curler. The curler.

I'm the curler. Yeah, but it was just, it was a beautiful moment seeing these two inconsiderate cunts. Yeah. And they still didn't get it. They were still like, why are you playing? I'm playing my music, but I'm playing my music. Well, welcome to life. We're living in a society.

Yeah, yeah. We all kind of have to get along here and just let shit fucking. But yeah, headphones. Or just, that would be the thing too. If I had the money to do it, just have a supply of very nice headphones, some Beats. I'd just walk over and be like, there you go, man. Yes. You're set.

There's no reason anymore. Consideration. I just gave you $400 headphones. Yeah. That are laced with acromionon. What's it called? Acromionon. Acromionon.

I saw a guy, this girl was listening to rap music really loud, and this guy went up to her and he's like, what are you doing? We're all trying to enjoy ourselves. I'm reading. She's old. What are we doing here? She's old. And she was like, fuck you, bitch. Ba, ba, ba, ba.

And he's like, well, why are you mad at me? You're the one being loud. She's like, I can do whatever I want. That's what it is. It's like, I can do whatever I want. That's what it is. It's like, you can, but do you want to be an asshole? You're not a good person.

Yeah. You're allowed to do anything oh sure you know right and but if you went up to her with a microphone where are you a good person they go of course i'm a great person that's the problem they don't know that they're doing fucked up shit and that's that's yeah well that person's never gonna find someone who treats them well like if you're if you're the type of person that blasts music on the subway like you're not putting out your best foot forward on the first date right you're gonna be with a guy who treats you like absolute dog shit yeah or woman and uh he's gonna play music loud without headphones while he's treating you like shit yeah the next morning he blasts in your ear to get the fuck out. Yeah. Yeah.

That's a good peeve. It's the classic New York peeve. People stink. You get on the fucking train and you're listening to someone like, man, what if I'm not caught up yet on the unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt? I wish it was that show. I wish there was just ones that were watching El Kemper. It's always like Vikings or some shit vikings or some shit yeah yeah right good show maybe the best intro of any show ever i've never seen it you've never seen the unbreakable kimmy no oh yeah that's a great intro mike brit is in the intro

pull it up matt dude just get the intro of it you're gonna fucking love it so the premise of the show is so dark the premise is basically these women who are kept undergar underground as captives, and they break out, and now they're trying to live a normal life. But this guy kept them as slaves. What? That's dark. It's dark, but look at the intro.

This is a Tina Fey train. Let them out. Get the sound on. It's a great show. It's funny. It's a legit great show. From start to finish. I mean, the intro is so funny.

Look at this shit. Whoa. Yeah. Whoa. And now they live in new york yeah it's my friend oh yeah yeah was he down there no he's a neighbor oh okay well the whole thing is like that we might be drunk is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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Get Sheath Underwear and let them support your balls. Woo! I'm banned from hanging this, by the way. What, were you funny? Oh, shit. They emailed my agent and said, if you don't drop him, we'll never book one of your clients again why because the show started an hour late and i made fun of the club when i was on stage for that

ding dong hat fuck is a ding dong fat fuck that i mean that's that look that ain't cutting edge i got banned i got that joke i got i got mad because i for that joke. I got mad because... I got banned just now for that. I got mad because they would do a blowjob shot before I got on stage. Before the headliners set. They say they do it to pay the fucking feature. I'm like, hey, dude, the show's packed. Wait, can I remind you? It's a blowjob shot to everyone whose birthday it is.

Yeah. So I had one night where it was 14 fucking birthdays. What? I had to go on stage after 14 blowjob shots 14 yes oh my god there's almost a fucking hour of shots on stage 45 they're doing these with their hands behind their back and uh and then you're like i gotta follow this i don't want to do this shit and uh it's insane wow that is crazy what is a blowjob? Then I go on and shoot in the club. It's a shot in a little tube that you get on.

And I think I went on there and I was like, you know, half in the bag at that point. Suck the guy's dick, remember. Well, there's like a little hyena in a tuxedo. I'm like, what the fuck is this logo? And it's killing me. Just shit on the logo. Yeah. That's it?

The logo shitting? I mean, that's standard. It's standard. So I get off stage. He goes, this is a fucking family business. I'm like, you're doing blowjob shots before me. And I remember Hillary was our agent at the time. She called me.

She's like, this is bad. This is really bad. I'm like, what did I do? I don't know what I did. I was a comedian. It's not bad. Oh, you don't do two shit clubs in Texas? He's never got three.

He's got three. Where's the third one up? His fucking ass. Yeah. You fucking guy. You fucking drink to working. Take you fucking down, guy. No, I wouldn't do that. He's a nice enough guy, but also fucking the heinous clubs.

They bumped me from both of them because I was dirty. And he was like, you got to be clean. I'm like, I have to be clean again after doing blowjobs? After the blowjob shots? After all the blowjob shots, you want me to be clean? Wow. Yeah, I love that. Alljobs? After the blowjob shots? After all the blowjob shots, you want me to be clean? Wow. Yeah, I love that. Oh, wait.

There's the blowjob shot. No, look. It's a clean comedian. Socks are strange. Socks? You like socks? You always lose one in the dryer. Where do you think they went, huh?

I bet all my socks are in Tulum. Damn. went huh i bet all my socks are in tulum damn the the the fucking what are you doing the addison improv that's a good room i'm there yeah i just i mean i just got back from there this is when this comes out oh right right i hope it's fun yeah i can't wait that's a great room it's in the middle of it's kind of in the outskirts of town but it's like a suburb dallas is the outskirts of itself huge you know it's such a fucking massive city that like but add us the yeah yeah the addison improv fun itself yeah i know right we gotta wrap this up but straight up uh yeah improv uh nope that's not yes me me seanpatton.com got a shitload of dates for the next two months preparing to be at. You'll be at San Francisco at the Punchline. It looks like December 24th.

That's just a one-nighter. That's just a one-nighter. Great rooms. Yeah, doing Acme for New Year's. That's right. You're rolling. You're rolling. Asheville in January.

Asheville. All the cities we like. Yeah, you should all go see Sean. He's a really, really great comic. Yeah, there's a lot of one-nighters here. Savannah, Georgia. I like them. I booked a bunch of one-nighters because I like to try it.

I want to go to Wormhole. That's a great fucking place. I love Savannah. Yeah, Lincoln. This place, Zubart, Old Comedian. And then the Comedy Club of Kansas City. Have you heard about this place? Yeah, I've played there.

It's good. I've heard it. It's pretty fucking great. Great, great barbecue in that city. Back to the Creek. Hey, it's about time. Love it. What took you so long?

I was in April. Oh, okay. And then there's like five dates i haven't added yet but i'm also gonna be in houston nice i'm gonna be in seattle also gonna be in uh and the special is february 3rd that's when i yeah so i'm not putting up any dates afterwards because i'm like no just focus on this yes you know what i mean like i'll put up my fucking dates and i don't have i don't have any i'm actually taking march off this just to kind of like uh not March, the rest of February.

But shit starts again in March. I'm not going to post again until February. But like. To get some new shit. Yeah, just like build. To live. Well, just build like. Two shows?

Two shows, yeah. Nice. Who's filming it? Oh, 800 pounds. 800 pounds. Oh, that'll be great. Eric Abrams directing. John O'Eric.

Love him. Yeah, it's going to be. I'm fucking excited. I'm ecstatic about it. Come see these shows. They're going to be fun. Nice. Go see Sean. He's a killer. You're not going to be disappointed. It's about time you put some shit on wax. You got

18 million hours up in the ether. It's nice to see it coming down. Most people think it's only 16 million. It's going to be killer. I'm on the hours. I'm excited, man. I'm excited, too. I can't wait. I mean, look, I watched both you guys' specials, and it made me realize, like, you know, fucking

we all have to be, we're all we got. You got that right. You know what I mean? Yeah. We are all we got. We can't keep relying on these people up in the sky to pluck us out and put us on a tv show there are good there are good a there are good industry people out there but there's also there's two or three of them but it's also i would give i would go as high as six wow but but the problem

is that they have their own game that they're constantly fucking playing with each other yes they're engaged in a constant pissing contest with each other and the bottom line is it fucks all of our livelihoods when they decide they have to be better than when they have to win. When they're engaged in some – where it's not the same thing for us. Where it's like our shit not only gives you a lifestyle, but it doesn't fuck with your lifestyle. And when someone fucks up, you only make more money off of it. Yeah. You know what I mean?

When Rogan gets called out for whatever shit he said that he only gets more attention when chapelle gets called out for that he said you get more attention like they find a way to make that a little slur jar for us always fucking make money off of us whereas when they decide to start going at one another it can fucking dozens of us to hundreds of us at once yeah and it's like we're all we got we gotta just keep making shit because that's you're right that's the only way and uh they're they're morally bankrupt and they're doing a terrible job we gotta just keep doing our shit they keep treating us like the stock market like if we go up and whatever they're like we'll buy we'll buy we'll buy but then we go down they're like see you later and you're like no we're human beings we're people we're artists we're creators we're trying

to make shit but they just go ah you're not doing it the way we like right now yeah and you're like but that's not the point that's not the point it's never been the point yeah i mean scorsese is a bad movie every now and then yeah it happens the the the biggest mistake that culture made i don't know i don't know when it happened, the idea of giving people what they want versus giving people what you want. As creators, that should be our fucking op. That should be our honing. You have to get to the point.

We give you what we want. You have to get to the point where you can kind of do that. That's a good point. Yes, that's true. But you get to that point. I don't think you get to that point by giving them what they want either. I don't think Mean Streets was what they want.

I think that's what Scorsese wanted. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I think that's a good point. No, I agree with you. I don't think anybody in this room has ever pandered. We're not amongst panderers, right? No, no. Except for this fucking guy.

Couldn't pass the ball. That's his favorite. But that's what i'm saying my patrick ewing cut out even though we have that on camera do we man okay good but you gotta remember rodney didn't make it till he's 50 because he just kept doing his thing way older yeah he was older 50 yeah yeah you know but legendary days are fucking i mean look it still happened but like also we've talked about it too it's like you want to you want to enjoy the success. I know.

It's kind of fucked up that he made it when he was 60. It's fucked up he had 20 years to really enjoy it. That's kind of a bummer, too. I mean, you talk about Norm. I posted this when he died. But my favorite fucking – I will always be thankful to you for a number of things. But for one was – I don't know if you remember this. In 2015, we were doing

some show and at the time i was in la and i was back here and you were like what are you doing now and i'm like i don't know and you're like come with me let's go to the cellar norm's doing his last he's running his letterman yes that's right and i was like fuck okay and i went and seeing that set changed me because he's that right yeah well he does his letterman set and it's like you know it's it's norm letterman that's great and then he goes off on this 10 minute joke about apples oh yeah which i love that fucking bit but it you saw how even at the cellar one of the greatest clubs on the planet half the audience was still like i don't and the other half was like, like dying. That seems like the best one.

Oh, dude. It's brilliant. The Macintosh, the old man Macintosh. But that's what I'm saying. Like, it reminded me like, oh, yeah, what Norm did was pure comedy. It's the same thing Patrice did. But Norm, it was like, it's not about you. This is about me. I'm the performer.

And it's your job to get me, not my job to play to you. You come in here. You've accepted that this is a goddamn craft and an art form. And I'm giving you something real and raw from me. And if you can't get it, you're fucking up. But I'm putting it in a way where you can't get it. I'm giving you every single opportunity to understand what this is yeah but i'm not gonna go further and then make it about you because it's not about

you i'm not paying to see you right meet me in the middle yeah yeah meet me in the middle and that's what those guys did amazingly was like they they gave you such pure real and they're still louis was so lazy they won't even meet you maria bamford does it yeah exactly i mean you know fucking chapelle like people get mad at him like he still does this like he gives it to you like here it is it's fucking here i'm giving i'm not making this hard to understand you just refuse to get out of your like well this is about me nah right like it's no it's about us as performers and i'm like i know we all i i know myself personally too i expose my fucking i'm like there it is i'm giving you a few like there's my anatomy chart you know what i mean like it's what i'm fucking made of if you don't like it fine i'm

not saying i'm not saying i'm for everyone but I'm also saying I'm giving you every opportunity. Yes. Right. And like writing Joe Rodney did it. Any great comic does that where they're like, this is pure me. Yeah. And that's the best you're going to get. And if you need me to fucking hold your hand, I'll walk you out the fucking door so that I can continue doing me. And that's what. Then I'll walk you home.

And if you don't like it. Yeah. If you don't want to let me upstairs and you're stuck up yeah lesbian yeah let me guess a bunch of fucking clam chowders manhattan or new england but that's i don't know i just i always love that about norm where it's like man fuck like some of this shit i mean it's so goddamn brilliant you watch his weekend updates on youtube he's bombing half of it but they're so goddamn brilliant. You watch his weekend updates on YouTube. He's bombing half of it. But they're so brilliant. He's ahead of his time.

He is. He is. Because at home we were like, oh, shit. But in the crowd, they're like, I don't know if we're supposed to. And you're like, oh, come on, you pussies. Even Bill Burr. Oh, Burr. He did a monologue and it was great. But the crowd was like, can we?

And you're like, it's a comedy show, you twats. What are we doing here? He's making jokes. Yeah, it's edgy or dark or whatever. I love this, like, can we? And I hate all this analyzing. Like, is that OK? Well, that's not good.

But he's got a black wife. So you're like, shut up. No one even knew that. I mean, I think it was like people have like a standards and practices in their own mind. Like, does that fly? Trust the guttural reaction that you have. Don't make this about some societal rules. Laugh or don't laugh.

It should be instinct. It should be instinct. And it is deep down. Are you guys finding, though, that lately audiences are back and that's great. But then sometimes I've done a couple of shows lately where I'm like, God damn, this is tanking. And then afterwards, there's a horde of people wanting to be like, oh, I really that's great but then sometimes i've done a couple shows lately where i'm like god damn this is tanking and then afterwards there's a horde of people wanting to be like oh i really that was great and i'm like i get that what the fuck is going on it's like oh you've spent a year on like watching like you're laughing up here now right did you hear what kennison used to have a

quote where he would sam kennison would say you, you don't want to do pretty well with the whole crowd. You want to crush for three. That was his. Yeah. I did. I've never heard that before. And it just gave me a slight chub. Yeah.

Well, you crush for three. You kind of, you're like get three people for life. You turn the audience. You find the clitoris in the audience. That's my big thing. You just got to stimulate the clitoris. It takes about an hour and a half too. Once you get it. Once you find the clitoris. It takes about an hour and a half, too. Once you get it.

Once you find the clitoris, they are fucking. And oftentimes, much like an actual clitoris, they're just slightly to the right where I'm focusing my energy the whole time. And it takes racist jokes to take off the hood. Plutoral hood. I love the idea of you just shouting racial slurs into your wife's soon-to-be. You know, Mike, you want to get – wait, can I throw this out here? We got to get out of here.

All right, one last thing, one last thing. You got to plug your weekends, and I'll plug mine. Yes. I think my family is catering Mark's wedding. That's right. Aaron. Yeah, my sister. That's exciting.

I'm trying to keep it in the fam. Yeah, dude. Yeah, so you're That's exciting. I'm trying to keep it in the fam. Yeah, dude. Yeah, so you're officiating. I don't know if I told you that. Oh, I would love to. Are you officiating? What's the deal with weddings, guys? I'm like, hey, I'm ordained. I'm like, half of them don't even work out.

Am I right, guys? You're first reader. You've seen them on... Oh, man. I mean tom papa doing rachel feinstein's wedding killed really so funny and quinn then quinn goes up and does a speech after tom papa's and then he kills shits on tom papa goes yeah tom your minister voice was really pissing me off and i get the huge laugh and then tom goes on after quinn and goes yeah i should have mumbled to through my speech like you colin it's both of them just killing back and forth shitting on each other yeah incredible that's great where are you gonna be mark talk oh hey uh i'm gonna be all over the place uh this new year's milwaukee improv come on out say hello

do the whole ball drop nonsense kansas city improv uh shit my mouth the syracuse funny bone oh there's nothing on twitter there's no dates there we go this is all wrong my website sucks it says west nyack i was there in september phoenix arizona i was also there in august look at this even the dates are wrong goes from 12 to 6. How'd that happen? Come on. Who does your website? This lady. She's a pothead. She's nice.

I try to throw her a couple bucks. Buckhead, that's a good theater. Yeah, that's already passed. How was that? Was that good? That was great. It's in the 9th. This comes out the 19th.

That's December 9th. This comes out the 19th. Oh, shit. This episode. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Numbers. But yeah, I'm all over the place. I'm going to update this shit.

We'll get it together. I think I'm going to Chicago at some point. Other dates. Wait, I want to stick to being the truth, Sarah. No, it isn't the 19th. It's only the 1st. Today's the 1st? Yeah.

We're backlogging because our schedules are spooky. No, I get you. I get you. Look, for you listening to this now on the 19th, if you're shocked that this was pre-recorded, okay, in your ear. Secondly, it's almost 2022, guys. I know. We lost a good two years of our lives here, and we might lose more with this Omicron.

We're not going to lose Omicron. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I got boosted up. I'm good. I'm boosted up. Let's fucking fuck that shit. Get that booster, guys. Uh-oh.

Are you at the Hartford Funny Bowl? I am. What happened? Hey, my boy Trey Wingo. I hope I see you there. He came to your show. Oh, good guy. ESPN's finest.

I love that. He's not there anymore. Look at the dimples on that. Son of a bitch. Marcus Russell Price. Yeah, I'll be at Richmond, Virginia, January 20th through 22nd. Timoni, Maryland, the 27th through 29th. Timoni, Maryland, the 27th through 29th. Hartford, Funnybone, the 11th through 12th of February.

Sacramento, the 18th through 20th. Nice. And, yeah, and fucking Beacon Theater, New York City, should be live May 9th. Get on that shit. All right. I love you guys. Talk about local boy makes good.

By the way, you want to tune in for these pods because you're going to be an angry curmudgeon after those three gigs in a row. Really? Hartford, Magoobies, and Sandman. We'll see what happens. Tune in, folks. Oh, I am?

You're going to have some stories. Sacramento's a good time, though. I don't have to get in a flight for any of those gigs. Good point. And I do have that. I wanted to neck the heels. So, yeah. Sacramento's a good time, though.

That's a good club. That's a great fucking time. Good club. Hotel buyout. But other than that, very good. I'm excited. All right. Out to lunch.

I hate myself. Rooftop documentary. King Scorpio dropping on the... But listen to Scuttlebutt. It's out now. King Scorpio. And be prepared for the special. I don't know when it's coming out

very exciting all right folks thanks a lot happy holidays kwanzaa hanukkah praise allah great app bro how long was that one that's two hours we're tickling two oh we're tickling we're tickling two Thank you.