We Might Be Drunk - Ep 59: Gin Gimlets

Episode Date: January 24, 2022

The guys drink Gin Gimlets today Saint Germain, Gin, Lime Juice Mark Normand and Sam Morril can be seen on the road at a club near you. Visit MarkNormandComedy.com and SamMorril.com for more details! Join the Patreon for bonus episodes weekly and more bonus content: Patreon.com/WeMightBeDrunkPod Send us emails [e-mail] Send us mail: Gotham Podcast Studio 39 West 38th Street, 10th Fl New York, NY 10018 

We might be drunk, we might be drunk, as long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit, pep heaps, wrecks, and a bit, maybe drunk. We might be drunk, yeah. Hey, hey folks, here we are, we might be drunk, gonna be back in studio. It's a new year, a new queer, and we're here. How the hell are ya, Fetty? I want a beer. Yeah! Trying to keep the rhyme going.

We got the beer juice. I'm good, man. Yeah, how you doing? Good, good. I'm feeling fresh. I showered. It's not that cold today. I'm back. It's nice out. It's nice. I bought a new shirt. Look at that. That's alright. What do you think? Too tight? It's a little tight. Ah! I knew it!

Maybe it works. What do you think? I think he's getting fatter. Alright, that I can change. But I bought this shirt in Des Moines so I can't return it. Oh, jeez. Damn, it's a little tight. Where'd you go? I went to the mall. There's nothing to do. Which store in the mall, though?

Express for Men had a 60% off sale. I knew there was a catch. I would never go into Express for Men. Mark wants to be a Jew so badly, he only shops at discounts. That's true. Yeah. I mean, I stole it. You know what's funny?

I believe him. Yeah. It's a joke for the Bob, but I could see him doing it. I stole one and bought one. Did you really? Yeah, yeah. You stole a shirt? Yeah. It's a joke for the Bob, but I could see him doing it. I stole one and bought one. Did you really? Yeah, yeah. You stole a shirt? Yeah.

How did you steal it? How did you get it out of the store? I wore it. I put it on, ripped the tags off. There was no sensor. By the way, ripping the tags off shows like you intentionally did it. Like, there's pretty much- What, you think you did it by accident?

No, I'm saying you can no longer walk out and be like, oh, I forgot. Well, I- I ripped the tags off. Oh, I forgot I was wearing it. I forgot I ripped the tags off. Oh, I forgot I was wearing it. I forgot I ripped the tags off. Well, I wouldn't let them see the tags. No, if they catch you, you can no longer say, oh, it was an accident. Sure, sure.

But if they caught me, it would go beep, beep, beep. And I'd go, oh, shit, sorry. It is funny that Mark, like, he's getting a little better because he's only stealing from sales. Yes. That's right. You can tell he's, like, working on it. He's not stealing from, like, Banana Republic. He's stealing from Express stealing from sales. Yes. That's right. You can tell he's working on it. He's not stealing from Banana Republic. He's stealing from Express for Men 60% off.

It's progress. Thank you. 100% off. Five-figure disc. But my biggest accomplishment was I did Conan one night. I needed a nice shirt. Went to the mall in LA. Put a shirt on.

Wore it on Conan with the buzzer on it. Wow. I went around Conan going, can anybody crack this code and get this thing off of there? And they're like, what are you doing? No, we have classy celebrities on the show usually who don't steal their clothes. Exactly, but did it with the censor on.

You were reckless to steal the day of a late night. If he gets arrested, they have to get a different guest. That's a good point. I didn't think about that. What would you get, a slap on the wrist? They're like, it's okay, the first guest is Winona Ryder. Nothing will go wrong here.

You don't go to jail for that, do you? I don't know. One shirt? Probably not. Probably not, but... It's not Grand Theft Auto here. You did kill a prostitute. That's true.

What are we drinking, Beer Jew? Tonight we're drinking uh gin gimlets as mark requested wow we're gonna soften them up a little bit with a little bit of saint germain and that's it just sweeten them up a little bit sometimes you sweeten them up with so it's saint germain gin and lime juice yeah basically that's all a gimlet is a gimlet really is just gin or vodka and lime juice and that's it but i'm gonna soften up for you guys just this one time oh boy thanks boy with that shirt who's uh who's running the surf shop you know who he looks like he looks like spider-man if he was on the jersey

shore yeah i don't think i got enough uh you know it's killing time and that's it so that movie is that's like i love how people are like it's saved cinema but it's like only for superhero movies yeah it's not like people are running to the movie to see belfast or uh macbeth yeah i saw it there you go but i want to see belfast spider-man is uh tom holland now it's all three of them this time. What? Yeah, they did a thing where all three of them are in it. Jeez, I can't keep up.

This is too many. There's a universe, a metaverse. Hey. Cheers. Anal. Hey, hey. Kim. Cheers.

Never had a gimlet. This is what I used to order when I was underage because I thought they wouldn't card me. So I'd say, can I have a gin gimlet? They'd be like, well, surely he's over 40. It's like 17. Oh, boy, that's tasty. It's like a white man's margarita.

This is a margarita for people who own slaves. There you go. That's pretty much on the mark, yeah. This is good. Is this an old lady drink? Is that what you're saying? Gimlets? Gimlets are almost exclusively an old white lady with pearls drink.

Is that right? Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. Damn. They want an ice cold gimlet up. And if you put anything except gin and lime in there, they're going to yell at you and probably find the manager. So they should call this a Karen on the rocks.

We'll go to the Carlisle after this, and we'll hopefully get picked up by a strong man. Yes. That's I'm going to Baron. A gentleman caller. Yeah, there you go. My wife's Baron. All right.

Baron Davis. All right. Baron Vaughn. He's on everything, that guy. He's on shows now. He's on like, that guy. He's on shows now. He's on like every TV show. Frankie and Shirley. What is it called?

Grace and Frankie. Grace and Frankie. Yeah, yeah. Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda. Lily Tomlin's still going. Jane Fonda's still going. I love Lily Tomlin. Yeah, she's great.

I grew up with Lily Tomlin in that big rocking chair laugh-in. Right. I never watched it. It was big. The reruns played when I was a kid, but Jane Fonda still fuckable. Would you? Oh, yeah. What are you kidding?

I want to break her in half. It'd be so easy. I don't think that'll take. Yeah. You breathe on her a little harder. Yeah, shit. I mean, I can't. I feel like if you undo her blouse, her whole body falls apart.

But she's still hanging in. I mean, she's got to be what 600 how old is she let's see it's got to be 80 i bet more really i mean she was literally in vietnam so let's see what yeah she was in vietnam what do you mean in vietnam she went there and advocated for the enemy do you remember this whoa whoa hanoi jane nothing oh oh the movie no she went to vietnam and went to the other side and said uh americans should stop bombing you people and she was sitting there on a what are those things called those big anti-aircraft guns yeah let me just bring it up for you damn i like they were probably like you people what the hell there she is damn wow i knew she was an activist i didn't know this there she's in

vietnam on the other side saying stop the war how do you like that wow i didn't live this down for like two decades really like the 80s until the jazzercise stuff she didn't really live it down she married ted turner right that's right damn I like how she does it She's not just tweeting She's like, I'll go there And I'll sit on a plane Yeah The new Jane Fonda is just gonna be like I retweeted something

Exactly That's it Hey man Great Lily Tomlin movie Steve Martin, All of Me You ever see that one? No, I don't know it It's a good flick

Lily Tomlin is great She's great. So funny. Been funny for years. Friends with Pryor. Yeah, he was in love with her. Is that right? Yeah, but she was gay.

Big lesbians. Is gay. Yeah. Wait, how old's Fonda? We never got it. Born in 37. I can't do the math. Sounds like 85.

Wow. I don't know. Anyone want to do math there? Beer Jew? 84. Jane Fonda's 84? So we found Mark's high number. There you go.

84. That's, you know. I would do it. You would? Oh, yeah. I'd bring her a Metamucil and a nice plowing. Does Tinder go that high? Yeah, we'd have dinner at 4 p.m. and make love.

You get out for your spots in time? Yeah, and she'd probably have a gimlet. Man, these do go down pretty easy, man. They're too easy. These old ladies are on to something. Just like James Bond. What? They're going down easy.

Ted Turner, huh? He's the Superstation. Yeah, yeah. TBS. TBS. Yeah. Good for him. Is he still alive?

No way, right? I think so. I think he also owned the Braves. Yeah, he did. Yeah. Good for him. Is he still alive? No way, right? I think so. I think he also owned the Braves. Yeah, he did. Wow. He's a big Republican, isn't he? Oh, yeah. That was the whole thing, I think.

So what the hell? She's all fighting the Vietnam War, and then she's- He says he's still alive. Born in 38. Wow. Wow. He's hanging in there. He was hitting that older woman.

Well, they're the same age, right? She was born in 37. There you go. Ooh. God. Shirt's too tight Everyone talks about Power move dating younger I think a real power move

Is dating older Mmm Mmm Interesting Who's done that I don't know Pete Davidson He has

A few times Kate uh What's her name Beckinsale Yeah Doesn't get much hotter than that Good for him Pull her up Just to Just to get the needle moving It's not the only thing moving What's her name? Beckinsale? Yeah. Doesn't get much hotter than that. Good for him.

Pull her up just to get the needle moving. It's not the only thing moving. She's 48. 48. I'll tell you. I mean, 40 is the new 30 or whatever they say, but it's true. Well, for her. Yeah, true. I love them.

I've had that thought where I'm like, man, I hope I age some some of these actors and you're like they look different at my age yeah you know you see like clooney now you're like well maybe i'll age like that you're like look at clooney at 35 yeah he looks fucking good he's amazing full head of hair in shape good skin nice suit on you never see clooney in like a bathrobe. Although he'd probably have a nice bathrobe. He'd probably look good in that too. Yama, hama. How do you guys feel about a bathrobe? Do you guys own a bathrobe?

I don't. All the things you've stolen, it's never been a bathrobe? No, I guess you're right. I never put it on. It's not me. Really? Well, I'll throw it on in a hotel or something. You put one on, you just...

I used to have that old joke. A bathrobe is the weirdest piece of clothing because it's either a mental patient or hugh hefner yeah you know there's not much in the middle yeah that's true you know it's it's kingpin and they're wearing it for different reasons yeah yeah hugh hefner is just like i'm gonna fuck every three hours right that's why he's wearing the... Do you wear one? I have one. I don't really wear it.

You see? I got it during the pandemic. During the pandemic, you start buying shit you don't really need. Oh, yeah. But you're just like, yeah, shit. I've never been on Etsy. Like, I'll give it a shot. Oh, you had that nice one.

Yeah, it looks cool. It looks great. That's like a Hefner smoker's jacket. Totally. It's badass. See, my dad wore this shitty blue and it looked like an towel, and it scarred me because he crossed his legs. It was like basic instinct. It was like, oh, God.

No underwear, huge balls, hairy. It was wild. You're like Wayne Knight. You're sweating, but for a different reason. Yeah, yeah. He had black socks up to here with the balls out. Was basic instinct a good movie? I think it was pretty good for a thriller.

Yeah, I just remember jacking off to it as a child, so I don't remember if it was good or not. But I remember it wasn't just Sharon Stone. It was Gene Triplehorn, too. Oh, that's right. Look at you bringing in the B-Squad. Well, you've got to remember if you have a history. Oh, Triplehorn was my Jewish slur.

That's right. Now I remember Triple. I really am Mark's Jewish friend that lets him get away with this shit. I wonder why Mark wants to do a podcast with me. Then he says that. I'm like, ah, all right. No, no.

I'm fucking around. The Jewish thing actually held me back. What's that guy's... What's the anti-defamation league? When you make a Jewish joke, they come after you? They came after Che for a while. He did a Jewish joke. But they're going to come after you for letting me.

I don't think they'll even touch me. I remember Che's joke. I didn't find it offensive. I didn't either. Although we're not the right people. But also, we kind of are. Right? What was the joke? I don't even... it was something about israel but it was kind of like you know what stereotype joke yeah who gives a shit it's like one of the things you're like like maybe we're not the right people to talk to of offensive jokes because we don't get offended

that easily but also like then maybe we are the right people because it's what we do interesting like we are decent at walking that line yeah you gotta walk the line everybody's mad about something that's the thing everybody goes i have a great sense of humor blah blah but everybody's a a snowflake about one topic sure and you kind of just like we'll just get through this one and then we'll be fine exactly it's these people that get offended you're like well how many 9-11 jokes have you landed? Landed might be the wrong word. Wrong word. But I hear you. It's a good point.

Well, yeah. But I mean, you know, they're like, well, these jokes are easy. And you're like, eh, not really. Yeah. I did a show in Philly last night. It was all white and there was one black guy. And I did a black joke and I was killing. And it got like a, oh oh and the black guy was laughing

and I was like was that joke okay sir he goes as long as it's funny which was nice of him to do I think you gotta cut out the n-word but otherwise the joke is good otherwise it's a good joke it was still funny but yeah he was cool with it and it's just weird

because I don't know I have this whole thing where we talk about equality but I do a Jew joke and it gets a huge laugh. Like super anti-Semitic joke, it's a laugh. But the black jokes get like a, ugh. And I'm like, what about equality? Well, I think those people would say the Jews have had an easier time in America. That's what it is. I think that's what it is.

The Holocaust wasn't here. I think that's what it comes down to. I was about to say it was overseas, but that sounds too glamorous. That was overseas. Right. Yeah, you know, I think that's what it comes down to to people. But also, here's the other thing is I think in private, I think people are very comfortable being anti-Semitic now in the last couple years. So I do think that plays a role in it.

Yeah, I think you're right. And do you think jokes help facilitate that? I think sometimes you're getting bloodlust and you don't realize it. What is that? I think that means that some people are laughing for the right reason and some people are laughing for the wrong reason.

I see. My opinion. I don't know. I mean, who knows? I think most audiences are smart enough to... I think very few people think that they're racist or anti-Semitic. Yeah. You know very few people will be like oh yeah i'm a racist you know yeah and even the kkk is probably like no i just you know i prefer white people they probably look at

it like they don't think they don't think it's like hateful they're probably like yeah it's just how i feel right right i prefer ice cream to custard i don't hate custard i just prefer ice cream that's how they feel about you know whites and blacks well they probably they're probably that's like the new like woke kkk guy he's in therapy he's like no i just feel like i don't hate custard. I just prefer ice cream. That's how they feel about whites and blacks. Well, they probably, that's like the new woke KKK guy. He's in therapy. He's like, no, I just feel like I don't like other races. That's how I feel. Yeah, you can't tell me how to feel. You can't argue with my feelings.

I remember Mark did a show, this is last year, and you were like, how about them Jews? And some guy yelled out, fuck them. Oh, yeah, that was in Philly. Was it? Yeah. And then they threw the guy out, and then Mark saw him after the show, and the guy's out, fuck them. Oh, yeah, that was in Philly. Was it? Yeah. And then they threw the guy out and then Mark saw him after the show. And the guy's like, I don't know why I said that. Like, I love Jews.

My girlfriend's Jewish. His girlfriend was Jewish. Isn't that fascinating? He just went there. Maybe he was just mad at his girlfriend. It is weird. Like, I remember like it is. That's the thing, though.

It's like when Mark does a racial joke or I do a joke that's like teetering on the edge of something. It is like a sign of trust. I don't know if you guys saw the Penn Jillette article on Bob Saget in The New York Times. No, he wrote a really moving article about his friend, like how I guess his kids saw Bob Saget and they were like, this guy's making pedophilia jokes. That's like not cool. And Ben Jillette's like. But he did it as like a sign of trust with an audience like like the way he told a joke like that it was because he was being like trust me trust you we can go here together yeah so i think that's kind of a nice way to talk about a joke like that where you're like well this is a sign of trust yes what is it about jokes that bother people so much because you can do a movie about pedophilia or even a documentary about pedophilia these are real pedophiles and you're watching them and and almost relating to

them because we're all looking for the same response we're looking for a laugh as like a movie they make a movie about pedophilia people can be like well that's disgusting ah they'd be like he's making art about how disgusting this is right movie about slavery is different because people are watching although do we need any more slavery movies i think we got it yeah i think we've got it i remember i saw 12 years a slave and i went to the comedy cellar and we were talking i was with like colin quinn and keith robinson and uh and keith he goes have you seen i go oh yeah it was it was great and he goes go fuck yourself he's like i don't want to hear a white guy say it was great i was like all right fair enough you gotta love keith i went with to a c12 years late with a black friend which was brutal by the way and uh he's like you you liking this and i was like i kind of want to leave but i

feel like i can't he goes well now you know how the slaves feel it's like touche i saw it in one of those movie theaters where the seats recline i I've never felt more guilty in my life. You don't want to be comfortable for that type of movie. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, are these seats cotton? Shit. All right. Yeah.

Yeah. So you think it's because you're making a joke. You're making humor out of this horrible thing instead of just all agreeing it's horrible. I think the people that get upset like here's the thing when people get upset by a joke it's kind of like well maybe that's good because it means that people are taking stand-up seriously as an art form because that's what people get upset by a lot of the times it's like you know but at the same time like do people get mad at like a de kooning painting it's of a vagina clearly or something you know or like do people get mad about that shit but they get mad about jokes they get mad about jokes yeah people get i guess people do get mad at tarantino though

yeah i think people got mad at him for saying the n-word it was a weird scene that was a weird scene yeah but i mean i love tarantino i do too but also you can you can look at a comedian and go fuck you tarantino there's a lot of layers between you and him. That's my point. Objective isn't the right word, but it's a more objective response for people. Yeah, yeah. It can feed that. I always saw it as comics are out there giving their opinion, whether you think so or not. That's the way our viewers, we look at you. It's like, oh, they're out there telling us their philosophy and their opinions.

And when someone tells a racist joke, you you're like that's how you really feel even though it's not how you feel also to go off what you're saying a character versus like absolutely they buy that you know when tarantino's saying that he's playing a character right and if we were to say something fucked up they're like well that's you know but it's a heightened version of us obviously right yeah but also it's like yeah the pedophilia is so horrific so horrible that obviously i'm joking yeah you know it's like when we say oh whatever you guys have made a black joke you're like well the n-word was probably a bad idea and then we all laugh because obviously i didn't say the n-word right so that's the weird thing like the joke is how crazy it is yeah you know that's like when

bob saget's like well i fuck kids and everybody laughs we all know okay he probably doesn't that's why it's funny yeah i mean it's like pedophilia it's disgusting it's horrible it's the only way i can get hard i mean it's unacceptable you know exactly that's comedy all right but uh yeah i mean it's i feel like we haven't all been in a room in a minute it's kind of nice very nice this has been i mean the thing about covid right now is like we haven't all been in a room in a minute. It's kind of nice. Very nice. This has been, I mean, the thing about COVID right now is like, we probably all had it and we don't know it, but what sucks is that like the symptoms are just being a Jew. It's like upset stomach, tired, achy. I'm like, this is how I feel every day of my life.

Paying retail. If the CDC throws up complaining. Yes, yes. I'm in deep shit. One of the symptoms is achy, cold. Soup's not warm. I'm like, holy, did you just send back your food? You're like, get a test.

This is bad. Yeah. We went to a Jewish deli not too long ago, and it felt like that. We were like, some guy sat next to us, and Sal, he's like, I don't want to sit next to this guy. We went to a Jewish deli not too long ago, and it felt like that. Like, we were like, some guy sat next to us, and Salak is like, I don't want to sit next to this guy. We're too close. And we got Jewier. Yeah.

Yeah. It does make you complain more. Yeah. But also, you feel comfortable complaining at, like, a Second Avenue deli or Katz's Deli type, because you're like, they've heard it all before. Yeah. Let's be real. Exactly.

That's so true. You're amongst your people. They understand. Can I give a weird wreck please because this is so this is a wreck where like this is a kind of a throwback wreck but like we were spoiled like i guess matt like a few years older than us but like we kind of grew up on the same shit the 90s were such we were so spoiled with comedy movies oh yeah and you get movies now there's not a lot of great comedy movies they more like

hollywood won't green light comedies really because i don't think it really makes a lot of money though we could do a comedy or we could do uh a spinoff for every character in the marvel universe we're good exactly you know so comedies used to make money in dvd sales afterwards and now there are no dvd sales so they don't green light comedies much anymore. Interesting. Well, a lot of comedies from the 90s blew up. You're right. On VHS. Austin Powers, I don't think blew up in the theater. I think that was like a lot of those are to word of mouth.

Half-baked too. Bombed in the theaters. Huge cult classic amongst. I loved it. I had it too. I bought it. As a kid? Oh yeah. Sag it. Oh, that's right. I used to suck dick from Coke. Classic. Oh, that's right. I used to suck dick for coke. Yes. Classic.

Also, we had like, Eddie Murphy was like in the 90s, more 80s, where it really popped up, but he had some great 90s flicks. But then you got like Sandler, Jim Carrey. Here's my rec. Rewatch some Chris Tucker performances. Oh. Because that dude is, he is one of the funniest dudes. Oh, yeah so he steals everything he's in steals and like all right so a good thing about having a girlfriend that's a

little younger than you is you kind of uh she missed out on some of this shit so i'm like all right so i tell taylor i'm like why don't we watch we're on vacation we just saw 22 jump street on tv so i was like let's watch Rush Hour. Yes. Because you like these types of movies, like funny buddy comedy. You've never seen Rush Hour. It's fun. And I feel like that's a good. Oh, yeah.

But that's an easy way to get someone into Chris Tucker's, like the mainstream one. And it's fucking hilarious, dude. So funny. Jackie Chan fucking rules. Rules. They were such a great yin and yang. Not the movie. But they were such a great yin and yang not the movie but uh they were such a great you know pairing they were so odd couple-y and the cop thing the buddy cop movie i mean it's basically

what is it called 48 hours but with an asian guy yeah it's brilliant oh dude you know what it is too it's i remember by the way colin quinn had a joke on weekend update back in the day about uh tiger woods winning uh the pj tour and he was like tiger woods wins the pj tour making the I remember, by the way, Colin Quinn had a joke on Weekend Update back in the day about Tiger Woods winning the PGA Tour. And he was like, Tiger Woods wins the PGA Tour, making him the best black and Asian combination since Rush Hour. Oh, that's good. CQ. It has the great combination of action, like that kung fu kind of action shit with black humor. I mean, that's great.

It's so true. Chris Tucker is so – and then you know what I love about the movie too is the credits are hilarious because it's them fucking up it's Jackie Chan fucking up a stunt and you're like this is insane it's Chris Tucker just continually fucking up lines apparently he can't

read well and he doesn't study oh Chris and he doesn't study his lines Jackie Chan learned another language. Well, that's what I thought. I was like, oh, he must be talking about Jackie Chan. And so he doesn't study his lines, and he sort of just picks it up line by line as he goes. Oh, wow.

He's so funny. That's why there's so many bloopers. Like the gefilte fish? Like the gefilte fish? He kept calling it filter fish. Dude, he's so funny in the movie and and rush hour two is solid too and then also dude money talks oh yeah friday sheen you know friday is good i mean he stole friday friday is all him damn i know that movie so well but dude uh money talks i was i was rereading

i was like let me i read just i'll reread uh like roger ebert reviews because he's so his writing's so good and he had a funny thing about he first off he's like praising chris talker he's like look this movie makes no sense he's like he talks about this one scene where i guess he's like russian uh these russian terrorists want to break their guy out of prison so they they make the bus explode and he's like this makes no sense because you're like this this would kill everyone. Yeah. Like, how are you just positive

that your one guy would get out? They explode the bus, and like the one guy and Chris Tucker make it out. Right. So, but like, dude, it's so funny. Oh, he's also in Fifth Element. He's like a crazy character in Fifth Element. Jackie Brown, too.

That's right. That's right. He, I mean, Friday, he kind of had like a breakout because he was a comic. And then they put him in Friday and he was equally as funny. He still has the best Michael Jackson Def Jam performance because everybody did Michael Jackson. It was like a staple with the Def Jam guys. And he has the best one. He kills that.

There's a scene in Rush Hour 2 where he's doing karaoke. He sees a guy butchering Michael Jackson So he just starts He's like oh come on And of course Jackie Chan's like keep a low profile There are triads here And he's like you got it And everyone

This is too new Go to Rush Hour 2 Chris Tucker doing karaoke Because he does Michael Jackson I love when a guy does a good bit So they just shoehorn it into the movie You've got to go to the rush hour, too. Chris Tucker doing karaoke because he does Michael Jackson. I love when a guy does a good bit so they just shoehorn it into the movie. That's not it? That's newer.

He's doing Michael when he's singing, and he's doing the dance. His dancing is hilarious. Oh, yeah, so funny. He's just this wiry dude. Yeah. It is funny when people get money because in the second rush hour, you're like, oh, shit, he's kind of ripped now. Oh, really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really?

Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really?

Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really?

Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really?

Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really?

Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really?

Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really?

Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really?

Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really?

Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? It's cool until he starts saying the words. That's when it sounds crazy. You see me in the club with a bottle for a buck. No, Michael, no. Don't sing the words.

Chris, I love that song. That is a good impression. I love that beat. I love it, Chris. That is a cold-blooded beat. You got to go to his old... I'm talking... Go Vachella 2 karaoke. That's...

Are you doubting me? No, no. I can't spell karaoke. Oh, they'll fill it in for you. Okay. It's KKK. One of these look good to you? I don't know.

I can't see it. It's so far away. Speaking of blooper reels, I just rewatched Life with Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence. Good movie. Good movie, but at the end, they do the credit and they do blooper reels, I just rewatched Life with Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence. Good movie. Good movie, but at the end they do the credit and they do blooper reels. And Eddie Murphy is zinging and riffing during the people fucking up. And you're like, this guy is, he's already so funny in the movie, but he's on another level. It's fun when you can see a guy be funny in the moment.

The ending was so great too. Was it the Yankee game? Oh, yeah. Yeah. The ending was so great too, with the Yankee game. Oh, yeah. The dance, dude. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

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Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. I went to public school. I grew up with guys like that, and you could just hear the black girls going, he crazy. I love that. I love him, dude. I remember seeing Money Talks, I think, three times in the movie theater. Whoa. I loved it. You were the only one.

I mean, he was great with Charlie Sheen, too. They had a good... Sheen is an underrated comedy actor. Oh, yeah. I mean, Hot Shots? Come on. Great. Two and a Half Men is one of the biggest sitcoms of all time. That's true. Yeah. Also, Spin City. He comedy actor. Oh, yeah. I mean, Hot Shots? Come on. Great. Two and a Half Men is one of the biggest sitcoms of all time.

That's true. Yeah. Also, Spin City. He's great. Oh, yeah. I don't remember him. He took over from Michael J. Fox. I thought he was great on it.

That's a great cast. It's like Alan Ruck. Alan Ruck. And Richard Kind. Yes. Great cast. Heather Locklear. Oh, yeah.

Woo. She had a run. That was back. That was when sitcoms were just starting to kind of go away. Yeah. It waslear. Oh, yeah. Woo. She had a run. That was back. That was when sitcoms were just starting to kind of go away. Yeah. It was like the last hurrah. That whole Spin City era. What do you got for a wreck?

I got a weird one. I'm going the other way. Hit me. All right. All right. So went down to Texas and I got bumped up to first class. Highlight of my life. Shane Gillis is sitting next to me.

He's pounding drinks because he's a psycho. It's like 1230 in the afternoon. So I go, all right. I think it's 1245 here, by the way. Ah, shit. Good point. Well, he's already had a few at the bar or whatever. Sure.

And he's like, we're going to Texas. You know what? Fuck it. It's free drinks in first class. So we're talking about movies because we're going through the the movie thing the menu and he's like you gotta watch this and i was in the mood for a western maybe i was going to texas i had a whiskey in my hand so he goes put this on and i was like all right i was old henry what's that incredible such a great movie so fun i was half in the bag by the end of it but uh it's brand new it's the guy from um uh what's his name he's got a weird name he's the guy from uh oh

brother where art thou oh tim blake nelson that's it yeah he's the whole movie and it's him and his son living out on the range and you know problems arise and he's got to handle it it's incredible and a lot of these westerns gonna be slow this is action-packed it's incredible it's emotional stop for it he's a great actor so good yeah great actor great who directed it and who wrote it that's a great question let's see we have here you gotta remember i was in a bourbon haze at uh 10 000 feet that's uh i have a bigger question did joe rogan fly you down first class he put us up in the four seasons so that's a no how'd you get first class i had got bumped up it was an empty flight wow yeah delta baby i'm trying to stay loyal stay Stay loyal. These hoes ain't loyal.

Don't you feel like westerns have kind of made a comeback? I do, and I have a theory about that. What's your theory? Stop me if I've told you this, because again, we drink a lot. Easy beer, Jew. All right. Well, if you're over here, might as well tout that puppy out. We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by Lucy.

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Support the show. Support Indochino, guys. Hear, hear. It's your theory. I think we're all so obsessed with our phones. We're all so up our own asses with social media and the news. All these Westerns, they're out alone on a range. They're living off the land.

It's killing cattle. It's riding horses. It's sunshine. It's farming the till it's killing cattle it's riding horses it's sunshine it's farming the till in the field it's like an escape yeah we need a little bit of uh sunshine a little bit outdoors a little bit of uh nature and and uh simplicity i completely agree i can and it's like we're watching it on our phones yes but there but we're still like that's cool yeah it goes brings us back to our roots i mean this is old Yes. But we're still like, oh, that's cool. Yeah, it brings us back to our roots. I mean, this is old Americana shit.

They're in like Oklahoma in 17-whatever, 18-19 or whatever it is. And it appeals to everyone because you live in that kind of life. You're like, well, this is relatable to me. But to me, as a New Yorker in a tiny apartment, that open range looks pretty cool. I know. I know. And problems occur.'s you know problems occur and you have problems in your life and it's still relatable even though you know that we were

miles apart technology wise so true i mean it's great point i also think there's something about people feel like they've lost so much you know in this pandemic and everything that your land your space like there's something to that too interesting i don't know i like that i like that but it's a real minimalist lifestyle and i think yes we kind of crave that a little bit yeah we all want to feel like we've uh like we've we still have that in some way we don't i mean there's this hit show now yellow jackets on showtime and uh he's a fan i like it it's campy as hell yeah but i like it i love that reachy i love her she's so funny on it great but um got a forehead like a drive-in movie theater but hell of an actress does she oh my god pull up that i don't know if we have

a big enough tv for that uh that noggin on old reach old Old Reach. Look at that thing. Holy hell. You could watch Blazing Saddles on that thing. I think it's pretty standard. Well, she knows what she's doing with those bangs. I'll tell you that. But you get a hair pull back. And look, I'm very attracted to her. She's got a good look.

Hot lady. But look at that one. Come on. That thing's about a five-incher. That's a five-head where I come from. All right, we'll keep it moving. I don't want to get- There's like a hot Hollywood actress in Marcos like, look at that head.

I respect the brains. No, she's great on it. Dude, but you know what it is? It's like all the women on the show are so fucked up from the island. And I think we all feel like these are the shows that take off now. We all feel mentally fucked from this pandemic. Totally.

You know what pisses me off so much right now? You're another native New Yorker, so I don't know what you think of Mayor Adams so far. He's Trump. He's Trump. Is that right? He hired his brother who was a parking lot attendant to be the top cop.

He's getting a ton of shit now because an Asian woman was pushed to her death in front of a train at Times Square. 930 in the morning. Insane. And Mayor Adams just goes, well, you know, only like one point something percent of crime actually takes place on the subway. It's, you know, it's people's perception i'm like really it's our perception that i just i'm just perceiving uh a bunch of cocks on every subway line that i'm seeing now like right i've been riding the train something's off am i wrong something's up something's up i think there's less policing and there's just more wackos on the train now it's a winter and less regular people it's a winter yeah people keep going crazier and crazier from this pandemic

in this city and then you throw in 10-degree weather. Right. What do you think is going to happen? This shit is Lord of the Flies on the train. He was a cop. You'd think he would go hardcore on the policing. He's got so much to worry about right now. I mean, there's so much shit going on, but you got to be better.

On the subway? This is New York. We need the subway. But, dude, I'll tell you. I used to do most of my writing on the train like i would just kind of space i would sit in the train i'd space out and i just kind of find wander and find jokes you can't do that anymore because you're too worried about there's too many weirdos on the train you got to keep your guard up just in case but oh man

i've seen dude with no pants the other day like go to the next train i see i used to have a joke about where you see a crazy person in the train, so you go to the next subway car and you see an even crazier person. I think I traded down here, but, but that's like what it is right now on the subway. I guess you don't take it as much because you walk to a lot of spots. I walk,

but I took it here. I took it all last night, but it's really at night. Night is when it gets shady. Yeah. I haven't carried a knife since I was a teenager. I'm on Amazon looking for knives. Get the hell out of here. You're a knife guy. I gets shady. Yeah. I haven't carried a knife since I was a teenager. I'm on Amazon looking for knives. Get the hell out of here.

You're a knife guy. I think so. Whoa. You can hold it this way, too. Yeah. You're going to keep it in the boot? Where do you keep it? You can keep it on your hip.

As long as it's under four inches and it's not a gravity blade, which means it doesn't go like this. Click open. It's legal. Wow. All right. Under four inches. Then I can jerk out. i knew it was coming i was

gonna bounce on it but i knew he was fucking grabbing it uh also mary adams just like if you don't harm someone with it uh illegal possession of weapon is not really legal anymore oh really as long as you don't use it in a harmful manner that's true you can just keep a firearm yeah that's why i just hold a gun out and i go come at me bitches and fire it yeah interesting well i gotta say this is gonna get dicey but i think a lot of people voted for him like he's a black guy he's a cop this will be good and then i don't think people really like listen to him or read up on him i think they're just like oh you know we need a black guy well he's a skilled politician too he knows he knows how to i mean also no one good ever runs for mayor no that's the other problem is like no one ever is like no we'd never get a good mayor it's kind of impressive

well you had kotch people seem to like that guy they didn't like him when he was mayor yeah he was why he would always say how am i doing that was his catchphrase how am i doing he knew it wasn't that good and then giuliani did some good no he only liked him after 9-11 but he actually cleaned up new york prior to 9-11 as i recall like the broken windows thing yeah like he like policed he was a prosecutor yeah but he got rid of subways he got he got he cleaned up the subway yeah his biggest thing, is that he made subways safe. Safe for- Giuliani was like Harvey Dent in Batman.

Right. Because he was like that lawyer that's like, I fear no one. And you're like, yeah, but shit's going to turn for you, dude. His son is now trying to make a run at it. Do you see this? Embarrassment. Embarrassment. He's like a baby Trump, too.

Yeah. Wow. Man. New York, man. I don't watch the news at all, but i heard a lot of shit about a lot of lib or democrats are jumping ship to republican is that true oh why just because they're like i'm sick of it i'm out i'm going repub well i get why people who like if you're in the restaurant business i get why you're fed up with like you know yeah if you're like

when you're bailing out like, if you're like when, when you're bailing out like airlines and you're bailing out hotels, but then like mom and pop restaurants are getting like bullshit, maybe a PPP loan or something. It's like, I get why you're kind of like, what are you doing for me? Yeah. Yeah.

Things have really flipped. Cause it used to be all about mom and pop. And now it's like corporations are killing it. And then big pharma is killing it with Pfizer. So it's like kind of gone the other way now. We used to be like, fuck these big pharmas, fuck these corporations. And now it's like, hey, Amazon, I need my package. And hey, give me the vaccine.

The Amazon vaccine is going to be the best. That's going to be a good vaccine. We'll get there overnight. I want the prime. It is funny. You order these masks now online and they're like there could be a counterfeit and you're like you get the mask and like fuck n94 this is bullshit i got i got this bullshit fake mask damn yeah it's a weird time to be alive any do you have any Rex, Matt? Yes.

Station 11. I'm going to watch it. I'm enjoying it. You're liking it, okay. I'm liking it. How far are you in? I'm only three episodes in, but I'm hooked. I think it's too smart for me. Really?

What do you mean? I think they're following some four or five Shakespearean plays. I think you're right. I only know two of them. Yeah. I'm missing some of the rest. I wish I was smarter to enjoy it more, but I really loved it. Even if you don't get the Shakespeare, though, it's still solid.

I gotta watch it. It's the same director who did Atlanta, Hero or something. Yeah. I gotta go back to Atlanta. I only did the first season. I loved it. Third season is a masterpiece. Really?

He's incredible. Yeah. Man, that Donald Glover. He's too talented. Yeah. He's a good looking guy. He's a good comic. He's a good rapper. He's a. Man, that Donald Glover. He's too talented. He's a good looking guy. He's a good comic. He's a good rapper.

He's a good actor. And he wrote a couple 30 Rocks. He wrote a couple community eps. He's killer. Yeah, he's kind of got it all, right? Yeah. He did that This is America thing. That went viral.

That was cool. Huge. And he's a nice guy. I used to know him before he was huge. Yeah, I remember he used to pop in on Cabin, that bar show. Isn't that weird? Yeah, he had some great jokes, too. He was so scared of having a kid, and he had this great joke.

He's like, I think I'd rather have AIDS than have a kid. My uncle's got five kids. He looks like he has AIDS. Something like that. That's fun. He's good. Does the guy like that change? Has he fundamentally changed?

Like if he saw you, would he treat you differently now? Well, I think he's just so busy. I think he'd be like, oh, hey, what's up? I think he's a cool guy. I think he's down to earth. I mean, he's got the craziest backstory. Grew up in a foster home with a bunch of, his mom adopted a bunch of HIV kids. So then he would be like, mom, you didn't give him my lunch money.

She would rather have AIDS and kids. Yeah. But then he'd be like, I couldn't complain because the other kids had AIDS. So like, how could I be like, ah, this is not enough pancakes or whatever.

Damn. Yeah. He had a crazy upbringing. So he's just like beaten in down earth guy. He's not changing. Interesting. Cool dude. Yeah. I don't, I don't remember talking to him ever but i remember he'd be we'd be on the same show sometimes and he seemed he

seemed like cool and down earth i don't know very nice very nice good egg now what about a peeve i got a few let me see what i always forget yeah you why don't you lead off i haven't seen in a minute so i've been just jotting peeves down all week. It's kind of fun to do something with this. It is. Otherwise, you're just annoyed. How about this one? The guy who shits on something because he won't do it.

All right, here is an example. I go, hey, I just got city bike. And I'm not going to say who, but my friend was like, oh, yeah. I was like, yeah, yeah, it's good. You should ride a bike every now and then. He's like, yeah, but aren't a lot of those electric? And I'm like, yeah, there are, but it's still better than nothing. He goes, I'm not riding an electric bike.

I'm like, but you burn calories still. And he's like, nah, it's electric. So I'm like, you won't do it because it's electric, but it's still better than not doing it at all. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. I hate that mentality of like, I'm not doing that. They're electric. They barely do anything.

I'm like, but now you're doing nothing. You're still moving your legs a little, right? Yes. I think the peeve here is unnecessarily shitting on your point. You're not even taking this anywhere else. Right. You didn't need to shit on the point. Yes.

And now you're you're still at fat guy yeah and he's like i'm trying he's basically he's trying to lose weight i'm like you should do city bike he's like those are electric i'm not doing that i'm like but it's still now you're doing zero you see you're still fat as shit and you could ride the bike but you won't because they're electric doesn't make sense they're not all electric also and they're not all electric but that was his move like to get out of it like oh well some are electric like okay well now you just stay you know a lazy bastard so i'm not gonna take a flight why some of them get canceled right exactly it's a horrible way to shut it down but he was like nah they're electric and

in his mind that was some some winning argument to like not ride a bike interesting yeah crazy do you get what i'm saying you see it all right i mean i'm useless i can't really ride a bike i try i remember during like the beginning of the pandemic when we we didn't know if covid could be like transmitted outdoors or anything or whatever i was like i'll ride a bike down to the cellar i wiped out like three times yeah i suck yeah oh man i know i remember my dad taught me to ride a bike for like two hours and i think one of the times we were in central park and i just went down a hill without him and crashed right into a tree and flew off and he was like he's not a bike rider that was it damn in other words and wipe it out in new york because someone's gonna see it

yeah and it's also just like you're're like, what are you, this is, I don't need a bike around here. I'll work on other shit. The biking has gone up 10,000% in this city. I hate it because now when you try to bike down like the West Side Highway, there's like 80 bikes that are weaving around you. I'm like, what is this, Formula One?

I didn't think I'd know. It's a guy on a full-on, the spandex with the helmet that's aerodynamic. He's like, left, on your left. with the helmet that's aerodynamic he's like left you're like jesus christ he was like mario kart he just throws a fucking shell at you like ah yeah right you throw a banana peel behind you i know it's crazy these guys are all in i think they're sober or maybe impotent they get the bike with the skinny tires i think these guys need something to do they need something yeah skinny tires piss me off

although the fat tires don't really make sense either. Here's a peeve I got. I was talking to a guy and he was like, he was like a comedy booker. And he's like, if you're late for some, for unexplained, for,

sorry, if you're late for an inexplicable reason. And I was like, what do you mean inexplicable? Like, I can't explain why I'm late. Ghosts. Why were you late? The Middle East. I can't, I can't explain why I'm late. Ghosts. Why were you late?

The Middle East. I can't explain it. Right. That's true. Yeah, that's a weird way to say it. I don't like when people say that. It's like, you have no reason to be late. Shit, things get delayed.

Yeah. Things happen. I mean, what do you mean you have no reason? That is annoying. I told you, my lady does that. I'll be like, where are you? I'm like, the flight was delayed. She's like, you're always late are you i'm like the flight was delayed she's like oh you're always all you're always late i'm like the flight was delayed like it's not me it's the flight you're waking up in a hotel room with a switchblade and

matthew like it's the flight i think that was a geraldo bit he was like he was like you wake up with a switchblade and you fucking it was the flight was like six weeks ago i think just the trolled a bit um yeah unexplicable that's funny inexplicable what does inexplicable mean everything can be explained uh yeah that's true even if you don't know you're like well i can't explain it but yeah i don't know for being late you can explain it hmm inexplicable i'm spelling it wrong oh that's the movie ah there it is i've seen that movie how the fuck did this get made it's inexplicable unable to good uh good excuse for having low ratings we don't know we have no idea why matt do you have a peeve? Me? Yeah. Oh, I wasn't prepared.

Oh, you're always upset about something. You know what's pissing me off? And I don't know, maybe I'm just a cum guzzler here, but I hate the key card in the elevator. I hate pulling the key card out twice to get in the hotel. What's the purpose? Is it for security? It's security, yes. You just can't go up.

So I get it. I'm okay with it. But I'm annoyed, like, oh oh i gotta to move the elevator and then you have that person who gets in yeah and they're just like can you do it again you're like why don't you do it i know that's now i'm doing it three times exactly or when you do it and it works for your thing but not for theirs that's fucking oh that happens all the time too okay i've got a peeve hit me getting up to your hotel room after all the like rigmarole getting your bags up there hitting the fucking key card and it doesn't open the door story you have to go back down well the worst is when you're

in one of those like airport hotels and they're like 800 rooms in there so you're walking down a maze some giant area you're like how do i remember i was high as shit once in seattle and uh it was like classic situation where they want to put you up in like this i remember like you know when you're like an abused puppy dog young comic and you're like oh this is a cool uh motel yeah like like i remember i say this in this shithole it was a motel it was like you know uh and i was i was a young comic so i was like there's a pancake house next to her this is amazing but i remember marina franklin our friend uh stayed there and she called me she's like did you stay here and i'm like yeah she's like this

is like sketchy and then as she said that i was like oh yeah there was a heroin addict who fell asleep against my uh my window he like passed out against my window and i just like opened it he was like mushed into the window wow but i didn't i wasn't that i was a man it's different experience than for a woman i guess so but even then i was like that's kind of weird yeah i was watching forensic files and every room looked like the one i was staying into but it was like one of those things we were like ah whatever but then when she said that i was like oh yeah and then the next time i was there i i asked i was like oh can i not stay in that hotel again and the guy wrote back to my agent pass in all caps like he won't book me damn and then i was like all right i guess that's how it goes and then uh

and then he wrote back all right we'll have him and they put me and they put me in this hotel but like he made it a point to like drive me back drunk every night and then i was in that hotel and that kept happening i like i took an edible or something and I was fucked up. Edible. Well, I kept trying to get in the room. I'm like, I'm freaking out. Like, what the hell? It was like a maze, the hotel.

Terrible. And you're the junkie leaning on the window in the next scene. Yeah, yeah. It became you. It came full circle. It's funny. With the drive back to the hotel, a lot of these comedy club owners think they're so nice. And I'm like, I'd rather Uber.

Because I don't have to like chit chat with you about, oh, cold out. Also, like I'm worried you're going to get pulled over for a DUI and then I'm going to have to Uber anyway. I think I know this owner. I think I know this guy. But yeah, I had a show in Philly the other night. And a bunch of comics were driving there who I didn't know. And I was like, I'm going to pay the $50 and take an Amtrak. i had a show in philly the other night and a bunch of comics were driving there who i didn't know and i was like i'm gonna pay the 50 and take an amtrak i had a great ride it was awesome and then i got to the show and i rode back with them and i'm like this is nice because it was

only one ride with them but two would have been a lot two's a lot it's nice to get work done that's and that's also a fucking business expense like you, you write that off anyway. Oh, yeah, good point. Yeah, dude, I love the one-way ride. Because you ride back, you relax. But on the way to a show, I like to go over notes. I like to prep a little bit. Oh, yeah, I'm a big backseat guy. Everybody wants shotgun.

I hate shotgun. Too much pressure up there. You got to fuck with the radio. You got to help navigate. You got to respond to the driver. To my backseat, I'm cruising. Shotgun doesn't even sound good. No.

I got the shotgun. You're like, all right, I'll sleep in the back. Exactly. You worry about killing people behind us. Is that why it's called shotgun? What is it? I think back in the old days, they'd shoot out of it. Yeah, the driver and then the guy next to you in the stagecoach was shotgun. We can probably update that one.

I don't think a lot of people are doing that anymore. I think it's more likely that you're like, chatty. I'm radio. Phone charge. Yeah, that's true. DJ, where you guys at with the balance of chit chat in the green room? Well, if it's a guy I know or a gal I like, let's chat. Do you need time? I need time for myself here. I like to you know, let's chat. But sometimes... But, like, do you need time for, like, I need time for myself here.

I like to go over notes, but I also, you know, I usually bring a friend on the road, so we kind of usually have the same routine. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm fine with talking if there's a real convo, but small talk in the group, I'm like, whoa, whoa, this is the green room. I don't need to hear about your dying your dying aunt you know i just found out my

my aunt is dying i'm going over jokes but you know i don't want to be like somebody's like hey how about this omicron i'm like all right all right with the small talk but if you got a good thing let's talk exactly small talk no but like talk yeah small talk is for people you don't even i mean like i do have that like i'm very in my head i think i know mark is like we're both very in our heads so me personally i feel smothered by you guys it's easy because we kind of just know each other but certain conversations i feel like kind of smothered or suffocated because i i'm so in my head and it's tough because the head is like this is like your channel yeah my head is like it's trying to keep me in my head it's tough because the head is like this is like your channel yeah my head is like it's trying to keep me in my head it's like sports center highlights soprano scenes fun memories then

someone else talked about the weather and you're like yeah it's a worse show right who put this on because i was at mark's taping for what was your one called it was called out to lunch no one before that oh uh, Comedy Central? Don't Be Yourself. Don't Be Yourself. I was at that one. Yeah. Taking pictures. My manager was in there.

I was in the green room. Yes, manager. Someone else. Yeah. And we're all back there and we're having a good time talking. And your producer walks in, Amy Schumer, and she's like, clear the room. Oh, yeah. And I was like, does she mean me? You know, like, because it was a lot of riffraff. Yeah. But I was like, I'm taking pictures. I'm working for the room. Oh, yeah. And I was like, does she mean me?

You know, like, because it was a lot of riffraff. Yeah. But I was like, I'm taking pictures. I'm working for the show. And I'm a pal, too. And so I just sat there. She was like, you, too. And I was like, oh.

And she was like, Mark's trying to be nice. Everyone get out. She knows me well. Well, she was good like that. She did that to me, too. Really? When Amy produced my Comedy Central special as well, shout out to Amy Schumer, man.

Produced both our fucking specials. We would not have had Comedy Central hours without her. I know, right? To Amy, you fucking rule. Also, her new movie, The Humans, is great. Richard Jenkins is in it. He was one of my favorite actors. Amy's great in it. Beanie Fieldstein.

I forgot the name of the woman who plays a mother, but she's incredible. It's one of my favorite actors. Amy's great in it. Beanie Fieldstein. I forgot the name of the woman who plays a mother, but she's incredible. It's a play as a movie. It's a slow burn. I dug it. She's a great actor. She doesn't get her due for her acting. I mean, she's working. She's working, but I mean, she's... I think everyone thinks she's a great actor.

She won a Peabody. Oh, she did? Yeah, inside Amy Schumer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like the biggest female comedy actress i think she gets her due all right all right no but killer actor she's amazing she's great at drama and comedy but she uh she made me think she liked me for years but she i remember my manager at the time tried to get in the room and she goes get out i love it i well we don't have that because like i'm too nice or i don't want to hurt anybody but like i was in a few green rooms with her where there was some some weirdo in

there and she'd be like can i have the green room and it wasn't that big of a deal but i was like i could never do that and i would learn from her she also had uh someone make everyone in the green room because afterwards it was like you davido uh you know joe rachel yeah ari rachel feinstein and and she had someone make us all manhattans in the green room so the second i get off stage for my late show we're all drinking good bourbon good manhattans with the maraschino cherry hell yeah i was like hell yeah dude she knows what she's doing yeah so did we go out after that was there an after party yeah it was a brooklyn bar oh yeah that's right a lot a lot of familiar faces our buddy scott ragowski yes that's right from hq trivia mm-hmm our boy racks the riches fun night yeah we've done so much that i that was like a huge night but now your night was awesome

i mean you shot that in that temple. That was awesome. Yes, the Angel Orzance, which is like a Jewish temple from the 18-whatever. I'll tell you, this guy's dying to be one of us. It's crazy. I'm trying. I'm trying to get in. He got circumcised right before the show, too.

I mean, it was crazy. I know. Can I get some ice? But yeah. Great time. Great time, those specials. That was like when TV was still TV. I mean, I don't think anyone watched mine. Mine either. Great time. Great time, those specials. That was like when TV was still TV.

I mean, I don't think anyone watched mine. Mine either. Those were the glory days when 300,000 people watched a special. Yes, exactly. The good days. Exactly. Now it's what, 125? That's like a bad TikTok, 300,000. And our clips have done better than the actual TV show.

We shot your special. We were going to air it, but office reruns do way better. Yeah, exactly. So we're going to cancel it. We're going to play She's One of the Guys again. Good movie. Should we do a bit? Yes.

Now, I got a weird one here. Hit me. So I got a bit that I think kind of stands on its own, but I got that little dick in the back of my head fucking me going, well, is this too close to sam's bit you should run it by him hit me all right so i think it's different but i do want to run it by you so i noticed that when you flip through hbo max there's a lot of like categories you know like trans stories or strong black women or asian culture you know they're trying to be like progressive but i'm

like hey hbo i know you're trying to be like progressive. But I'm like, hey, HBO, I know you're trying to be progressive, but porn's been doing this for like 20 years. Ooh, that's good. I've been watching Asian culture since I was in high school. You know, yada, yada, yada. I don't think that's one of my favorites. Well, you had that thing about porn, like BBW, facial. You're fine.

That's a great bit. I rewatched the bit to make sure. Yeah, I used to have a joke where I'd be like, porn is more progressive than women's magazines because there's fat and old porn. There's no fat and old women's magazines, right? There's porn. It's like, you're not fat. You're a big, beautiful woman.

You're not old. You're mature. You're not covered in semen. You're getting a facial. That was the bit. Great bit. Every woman knows that. Where is that?

That's on the Comedy Central. That was in the Amy Schumer show. I never saw it. But the clip's done well. Adriana Cechik, the porn star, shared it on social media. That's huge. So my bit is just like. I love it.

And I love that it's calling out like you think you're being progressive. Porn has got you beat. I think porn's been doing this for years. I think it's a different bit. Porn's been putting trans people on screen Way longer than any network You know like way longer Oh you got a Francis McDormand movie

Is there a penetration So and then the big close is like The only difference is HBO the kids section Is a lot easier to find Is that too dark I like it I think it's funny Well you know they they have kids. They have cartoons.

But porn, you got to do some digging. Apparently. There's something. I was researching a bit. Yeah. Or maybe you could do it something like the kids in HBO is right there. For porn, it's barely kids. You know, like barely legal? Yeah, there's no

barely kids section. They call it young adult. Right, right. Something about barely legal. Pedo jokes are tough. They're tricky. You want it to be clean, which is a funny word to use to describe that. You know what I mean? Well, the bit's hitting, except I need an ending.

The kid thing is a little like groany but yeah yeah like uh they've been doing this for years porn's been doing this for years yeah i think it's a different bit all right just check i mean fuck everything's been done have you ever had to give up a bit oh because it was too similar sure twice in like the last month it's brutal it's like you just have to do it well i our buddy ian finance had a similar uh joke to me and like i love you and he's my boy so it's like you just gotta it sucks but it's like can you ask him be like it's just too similar like like mark just did um you know the setups for the jokes are different but we use pretty much the same words for the punch line so i just i can keep the premise because it's different from his joke but i need a new punch line and it's tough when you find the perfect line because it's kind of like it's the perfect

line for a reason that jokes are hard to crack so i just have to figure it out but like you got it if a bit similar you got to drop it there without that shit like there's no honor right yeah and you're a good guy because you're i don't want to to be mean, but you're bigger than Ian. So, like, he could potentially have to drop it because you could just do it. But it's nothing to do. It's his joke first. It's like it's his joke first. I know, but I'm sure if I had the same joke as Chris Rock, he'd be like, I'll be all right. You know?

Like, he could still do it. Well, you're not friends with Chris Rock. That's true. You know, like, Ian's my buddy. I mean, it happens all the time. It's tough because you legitimately got there yourself and then you heard it later of course i didn't know his bit i mean it's what happens i mean you know mark and i have done this to each other we're like when you hang out with someone all the time sometimes you're like you come to the same bit it happens

like you joke around together and then you both try a bit about it and then you kind of like oh shit we kind of have to figure out who that is or like you know i've had like i've text mark bits and mark's like oh i have a joke just like that that i ran by you and that it like seeps into your subconscious it's possible that happens to everybody it's unavoidable so you just that's why you have to really i ask people to watch my special before i put it out because i just want to make sure i'm like have you heard anything like this have you heard anything like this because you just you're gonna it's gonna happen to everyone by accident because everything's been done does that make you more sympathetic to joke thieves well i think like

you know there's because it could happen there's consistent joke thieves and there's accidents i think and yeah and i think you develop a reputation based on whichever one you are exactly yeah yeah there's subconscious parallel thinking and then there's thievery we put out a lot of bits mark and i and that's like when you write a lot of new jokes you're just gonna run into it it just happens so you just got to be as careful as you can i had a similar joke to michael che and i just dropped it because i don't know who thought of it first but he's gonna have a netflix hour and i was gonna do a youtube so i just dropped it because he's bigger yeah but also it was a joke about like we had a black president

but statistically we've had a gay one you know just because i remember there's been 48 president whatever 45 so you think statistically there's got to be a gay one in there and that was pretty pretty much the joke and uh he had the same exact premise. So I just. I think it's FDR. That guy couldn't even stand. He got all that anal. He had a funny angle. He was like, I think it's Lincoln because he was at the theater.

That's good. So I was like, that's probably a little more fleshed out than mine. So I just dropped it. Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah. Mark, you have a bit? Well, that was my bit also. But I have another one. But you go. Oh, I meant Sam to have a interesting. Yeah. Mark, you have a bit? Well, that was my bit also. But I have another one.

Oh, we can do it. You go. Oh, I meant Sam, do you have a bit? Sorry. There you go. Let me see what I got. I have a couple ideas here. Sorry, Mark.

Let me see what I got. I'll tell you this. Go on it with the Netflix half hour out. I've been trying to just go cold. Speaking of bits, while you're looking, I had a bit. I have like a six-minute bit. It's like a staple in my act. New bit, newish.

And I did the Charlotte Comedy Zone, and my opener did the same fucking bit, same idea. Not stealing, just completely parallel thinking. And I'm like, I guess I got to drop it. You dropped it because of your opener in Charlotte? Well, he did it on a dry bar. So it's already out there. So we talked about it. He's like, yeah, sorry, man.

That's like a five-year-old bit I did on a dry bar. And I was like, all right, I guess that's over. And it was like a big bit in my act. It's like a staple. Happens to all of us. I mean, that's why it's so hard to put out a lot of specials. I know. I mean, I saw a guy do one of my bits.

And I'm like, I don't think he stole it. I i think it's just fucking it's like an old bit of mine i just don't want people to think i stole that's where i kind of like as long as you don't think i stole it i don't give a shit if someone else does a bit because it's like it's gonna happen you do so much due diligence so i don't think anyone ever accused you of stealing something i think you try but people people always accuse you and people are fucking idiots but i mean i the joke that i saw someone stole mine i mean it's not steal like did uh was like i used i did this joke on like my album class act like 2015 but i also did it on a conan so i can't believe i got on conan god bless conan for letting us do this job but i said uh my friends like i told my friend i'm going on a date he goes you gotta you gotta masturbate before the date because that way

if you get laid you last longer and i go, here's what they don't tell you. If you masturbate before a date, you're canceling the date. I call the girl up and I say, there's been a change of plans. So that joke, great like late night joke,

kill. And I'm like, man, I heard someone else do it. It's like, also like, guess what? Another guy can arrive upon that.

It's not like I fucking did like a personal joke from my childhood. It's an observational funny joke. Yeah. Yeah. But, I wonder if women can do that. can arrive upon that sure that's not like it's not like i fucking did like a personal joke from my childhood it's an observational funny joke yeah yeah but uh i wonder if women can do that they like look through a wedding magazine they're like i don't need a boyfriend they if they can come to that same conclusion i think they definitely come to that magazine but uh here's uh here's my idea i saw a headline by the way i do new jokes last night at the cellar the new joke show louie's in the room watching my set i'm like i'm doing jokes i wrote today

this is fucking excruciating to have one of the best comics of all time just being like i know i'm like i like i like doing new jokes on the road where it's kind of like the i can fail and bring it back in an hour set you you earn enough goodwill in like 45 minutes but was he going on or was he just there he went out right before me and then he just hung out after my set and i'm just kind of like ah that is a head fuck yeah he was nice afterwards but you're also kind of like i made a joke i'm like fucking louis i was like someone said like lou you have to follow louis i'm like i know it's not fun yeah it's not fun uh but you know louis always got funny shit what a city i say so i saw a headline

uh snow white under fire for the kiss without consent and i go literally like people were mad about that scene i'm like literally a movie from the late 1930s the same uh 10 year period of the of the holocaust and people were like this is the thing we need to revisit this we need to take another look at snow white yeah what about the eighth dwarf jewy and then i say like i don't think the movie has inspired a rape right i don't think anyone's like i don't think a college kid saw a woman passed out at a at a party and was like snow white dude nah see if she's a princess is that is it princess no that's what it is prince charming yeah i guess so i mean kiss her wake her up everybody was a princess back then every disney well i the line i said it needs more but i was like you know like a judge is like,

they're like, yeah, kid watched Snow White, he never had a chance, you know? Or something like, there's something about like, no one's raped over Disney. Right. What about this angle? Like, she has to eat an apple. Why isn't, why aren't we thinner? You know, that's not promoting healthy eating. Yeah, I watched Snow White as a kid.

I've never once eaten an apple. Yeah, exactly. Also, she lived in a house with seven dudes. Isn't that weirder? Yeah, yeah. It's like, guess what? Like, hey, I think you should never kiss a pass out woman unless she lives in a house with seven dwarfs, in which case it's a sign. You know?

Something like that. Something. Yeah. So a prince kissed her when she was asleep. Was that what happened? And he rescued her too. He saved her. Oh,

all right. All right. I've seen that movie plenty of times. I've never saved a woman. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. That's interesting.

I love babe as a kid. I eat pork. I don't know. It's something. Yeah. And you've been with some pigs. Oh, my God. All right. All right.

Everybody relax. Disney. No, that's a good bit, though. It's never caused something. We'll figure it out. And there's other Disney movies you could go to. Before we get out of here taylor tomlinson's got a new podcast check it out sad in the city it's great i was on episode where we

argue about uh new york versus la you're gonna love it it's uh it's about being sad i love that i get her to come here and she's like i'll do a pocket i'm like what are you gonna call it she's like sad in the city i'm like all right well not my life with you but no it's really good you'll like it a lot it's uh people it's already doing great it's got great numbers and uh it's very relatable we all get uh we all get bummed out in this town let's be honest what uh you got dates mark yeah well let me let me plug my lady's pod if we're doing the lady my lady has a pod called uh risky Business, Riskay Business, and We Were Had. True Crime. Oh, that's great.

Yeah, yeah. I didn't know it was a true crime pod. I knew that she had a podcast, but I didn't know it was true crime. She's got the business one and the true crime one. So yeah, give those a gander. Riskay Business. Riskay.

But yeah, I got a ton of dates. I'm all over the road. MarkNormanComedy.com. Syracuse this weekend. I don't know when this comes out. Sacramento, La Jolla, Kansas City. I'm going off memory.

I'm doing Sacramento and La Jolla too in February. We're always circling each other. Always, always. Come see both of us. Columbus, Ohio, Omaha. Me too. Fort Wayne. Let's see. La Jolla. Tampa. Back to side splitters.

It's been too long there. J.D.? B.T. B.T.! Sorry, I'm dyslexic. B.T. It's been a while. Can't wait to come down to Tampa. Better than TB, I'll tell you.

Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until someone passes out. And bring us one every ten, all right? Yeah, I got the DTs. Yeah, come on out. Say hello. I got Magoobies this weekend in Timonium, Maryland. It's way better than the name. Trust me. Yes.

We got Huntsville, Alabama. We just added that. So get tickets. I'm sure I'm going to sell horribly in that market. So please see me in Alabama. Then we got Hartford, Connecticut, Sacramento, San Diego, Orlando, West Palm, Columbus. Salt Lake City. Salt Lake City.

One of my One of my favorite One of my favorite Clubs in the country Cleveland New York City The Beacon May 7th Holy shit

The Beacon Tickets are moving Prodigal Son returns It's gonna sell out So get on it Toronto All that bullshit Get on it

Samuel.com Slash shows Playa Oh Albany Yeah Nashville Yeah It's gonna be great

A lot of good rooms. Good rooms. Really seem to care about what I have no idea. All right, all right. Oh, by the way, the Huntsville, that's where you'll get the, are you laughing about the Jew jokes? Which side are you on here? That'll be interesting.

Huntsville is a progressive city, actually. NASA's there. NASA, that's right. Yeah, so you get that mix of hillbilly and scientist. Well, make sure to sign up for the Patreon. We might be drunkpod at gmail.com to email us peeves, jokes, wrecks, cocktails. We love you. Stay safe, guys.

Comedy. The Terima kasih telah menonton! Thank you.