We Might Be Drunk - Ep 6: Old Fashion and White Russian

Episode Date: January 18, 2021

One more drink, one more drink You know in the morning for sure we gon' stink One more round, one more round It's 5 a.m., you pricks, the barkeep frowned This is what we do, catch up for a few We'll riff and talk some shit and then we'll sleep till two talk some shit and then we'll sleep till two hey hey folks here we are it's one more drink with mark and sam good to be back it's

feels like it's been a whole a whole, but it's only been a week. A lot's been happening, man. It's good to see you. You too. You too. I was just watching the, I don't know why. I guess because I miss stand-up and I miss the clubs in New York. I was watching the roast of Rich Voss.

Oh, my God. That was a great roast. It's on YouTube, and I'm only halfway through because the whole thing is like six hours. But Norton murders. So many. Yeah, he killed it. Quinn murdered. Everyone.

Everyone. Florentine had an unbelievable set. I haven't gotten there yet. That's what I keep hearing. He's the breakout. He's the standout. But I haven't gotten there yet. And, man, I'm just loving it.

Just the camaraderie and the inside jokes. It's bringing me back. Yeah, it's classic. That's a great roast. Check it out on YouTube. Voss is also amazing at the end, too. It's great. I'm excited.

I'm excited. But, yeah, so much to talk about. First of all, what are you sipping on there, fat man? What am I sipping on? Oh, that looks milky and gay. What is that? It's not what I call it. I go by the white russian

aka the caucasian yes little lebowski mood you know i was reading up on the eagles i was reading up on it it started as the black russian and then they lightened it up it was like a black drink and then uh they became white and stole a lot of the thunder they should call it the elvis ah nice nice just don't die on the toilet um so wait why was it black because it was just kalua and vodka they didn't put any cream in it oh well you know i guess much like rock and roll white had to come in and fix it. I'm joking. White people did invent basketball. All right. That's interesting.

But why Russian? I guess vodka. It was created in Belgium. It has nothing to do with Russian. I don't know why it's called the white Russian or the black Russian. There you go. Well, that raises the question is the danish from denmark it's all it's another it's another question for another episode

what are you sipping on i love a white russian but again two of them and you're like all right all right yeah i'll let you know old-fashioned oh you did the orange peel, too. Oh, yeah. I threw in a little garnish. Not vermouth. Bitters. Yeah. Splash of water.

Bourbon. Ice cube. Yeah. Did you do any sugar in there or no? I didn't do it. I don't want the sugar. All right. So it's not really an old-fashioned.

It's like a bourbon with bitters. Yeah, all right, all right. I guess the sugar, though. Who needs it? Yeah, I like it if it's not really an old-fashioned. It's like a bourbon with bitters. Yeah, all right, all right. I guess the sugar, though. Who needs it? Yeah, I like it if it's a Manhattan. I feel like because of Mad Men, everyone was like old-fashioned because Don Draper's cool as hell. But I'm all about a Manhattan.

I like the vermouth, man. Manhattan is a superior drink, I think, for sure. The old-fashioned is like, I'm going golfing. I'm in seersucker. I'm at the country club. I'm with you. It's like a mint julep. Yeah, fuck it.

Yeah. Dude, speaking of Lebowski, one of my favorite movies. I feel like everybody loves that movie. It's a cult classic. Check out what I got. The movie was based on. Frame, baby. Whoa.

Wow. Look at that. Howard Hawks. the big sleep uh in french yeah pretty cool don't love the movie but the poster is so cool i love the book old old posters are amazing i don't know why we kind of lost that now it's like explosions and the rock oh dude i was all about posters and i was like could you ever just go through like Blockbuster and you like swipe poster to poster? Oh, dude, that they even had posters at Walmart. Like, yeah, remember, there was like a poster convention or like a rock club. What do you call those places with like records, posters, black lights?

That's why I got this. I got is like a place in L.A. where it's just a record store, but they have classic posters, too. So I was in heaven just scrolling through these men. Yeah, we had one of those in New Orleans calledleans called the mushroom and it was like a big deal you can get a new weed pipe you can get a tie-dye shirt a chain wallet you know shit like that weird stuff like brass knuckles rolling papers you know and it was so we're going to the mushroom it was like a big deal brass knuckles i've been there that isn't it on like fuck it's near Tulane right? It's right on Broadway I've been there It's hilarious

Those old posters man The Vertigo poster It doesn't get any better than the Vertigo poster Oh that is a classic Rear window too Psycho is a cool poster The shower Great quote From the big sleep which is like

you know obviously he's always drinking on the case such a cool pi but he goes you can have a hangover from other things in alcohol i had one from a woman or from women it says, but I fucking love that. That line sums up your whole act. Wow. That's a perfect blurb. That's hilarious. Another one, it looked like a nice neighborhood to have bad habits in. So many good... That book has some class. That's like the one

if you're going to get into Raymond Chandler, you should start with The Big Sleep. They're all great, but that's like the good start off one. You watch those movies just for those lines. Let's be honest. I don't care about the plot. No. I just want to hear some cool ass lines.

Give me the lines. Oh, that's the best. Speaking of plot and noir and all that, I finished Third's Party, by the way. Oh, yeah? How many episodes in? The whole show? I'm about to finish it. I on the season four in the middle oh i'm only on season two oh geez i'm blowing past you i'm loving it

yeah great i i gotta tell you at first i was like it's a little hipstery i don't know but then i realized oh they're making fun of yes and making fun of the hipsters i love it i love any like any pi type show doing it. That's why I love Lebowski. It's like a PI thing, but done with a dirtbag hippie sleuth. I love that it's like they went the different way. I love that. And I don't know if it caught on out of the gate.

I think Lebowski was like a did-okay in the box office, but then when they hit DVDs, it went nuts. Well, it was that and Kingpin, I think, the same year. I think it was like two bowling comed in the box office but then when they hit dvds it went nuts well it was that and kingpin i think like the same year i think they were like it was like two bowling comedies at the same time and people were like all right it might have been the same year but it was around the same time and uh yeah i mean i remember seeing that in the theater and just like loving it even though i didn't fully i was too young to fully get it which one lebowski yeah yeah no totally i mean the rug brings the room together the robe the white rush the car yeah it was a lot of fucking John Torturo when you're a kid you're like what

the hell is this guy doing and then John Goodman just going eight-year-olds dude like it's amazing and as a kid you're like I don't get this but it's fucking I mean you just get that he's you it like has cartoonish enough elements that a kid can laugh. You have John Goodman just being loud like, shut the fuck up. And that's funny to a kid still. Totally, totally. Yeah, shut the fuck up, Donnie. But then the scenes where Jeff Bridges is floating to the Bob Dylan song. Incredible.

You're like, what is, I mean, that's complete Coen Brothers. It's going, we're doing what we want. Oh, dude, the Kenny Rogers thing is insane. Yes. When he gets roofied oh my god sam elliott they always have to have that god character in there that like narrates the whole thing yeah i loved it fuck dude that fargo is still my favorite cone brothers movie but that's number two i think yeah fargo is up there but no country yeah it's hard to beat it's in the mix

they've made so many good movies though dude, dude. I know. I know. Even their OK movies are like great for. It's almost like a Carlin special. Yeah. You don't like the whole thing. There's something in there you can grab. I like True Grit, man. I just I just like their movies. Love it. Love True Grit. I liked Hudsucker Proxy. I love. Oh, I never saw that one. That's Paul Newman, right? Oh, dude, it's great. Paul Newman, Tim Robbins. It'sman uh tim robbins it's all about the guy it's all about an entrepreneur and uh you gotta see it it's great i gotta check it out art deco wait so what are you drinking oh i thought in old fashion i'm sorry that's already

hitting me sorry wow that's a bad sign early in the episode uh i should i should clarify i'm in front i'm going to New Orleans bars now. I realize, look, I'm from a town that's covered in dive bars. I might as well. This is my whole childhood. I'm embarrassed, by the way, that that just happened. Oh, you're fine. It's a drinking show.

Yeah. No, it's shocking it hasn't happened more. I'm going to have to get used to it. Yeah, but this is Snake and Jake's. Did you ever go there? I did, yeah. Of course. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. Opens at 3 a.m. It's at Snake and Jake's. Did you ever go there? I did, yeah. Of course. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Opens at 3 a.m. It's Snake and Jake's Christmas Lounge. It's in the middle of a residential area, uptown New Orleans. Everything's cheap as balls. They still sell Schlitz in the can. I mean, you end up there. You're doing blow. You're fucking an old lady, and you're befriending like a jazz musician.

She's going to rob you at the end. It's an experience. I love it. Yeah, fist fighting, rootin' tootin'. an old lady and you're befriending like a jazz musician she's gonna rob you at the end it's fucking it's an experience i love it fist fighting rootin tootin great great real alcoholics dive bar i remember fryer tucks at uh in new orleans i remember i nearly had an incident there i remember uh this woman mouthed help and i was like oh fuck like some creepy guy was really in her shit and i'm like i'm young enough to be confident enough to be like i could help so i was like oh fuck like some creepy guy was really in her shit and i'm like i'm young enough to be confident enough to be like i could help so i got over there and i was like why do you leave the lady alone man he like looked at me and he was like a scary looking dude but i was so

confident that he was just like all right i was like damn that was insane that worked for you that's worked for me twice i'm never gonna do it again well you are you're a tall guy and you got you're very uh brooding looking you got the eyebrows the dark if i'm rocking a jacket they can't tell that there's nothing going on under here you know what i mean if i have something like puffy on they're like all right you know but like if i'm if they see any of my actual frame they're like oh you're fucking dead right you know bag of coat hangers over here but wait a minute did you i hope the lady was uh appreciative and gave you a number or something she was i don't remember if i got a number but i do remember um yeah yeah she was appreciative

i mean shit i was i was also just young and be like that's that's chivalry man woman asked for help you fucking step in right what was the second time second time um fuck it's blurry i was pretty drunk but it was in the lower east side and i was going home with a girl and i was gonna drop her off at home because we were going uptown i was gonna drop her off and uh this guy got in front of us and she goes he's stealing our our cab. And I was like, I fucking hate when people do that. She goes, I hate when people do that. So I said, I'm going to say something. And I said, hey, man, we were already here.

You know, I was very polite about it, even though I had a few in me. And he goes, fuck off. And I go, what the fuck do you? I got like angry. I was like, what the fuck? Because she was there. I was like, what do I do? So I was like, what the fuck do you just say?

And I go, you're a little fucking bitch. I got in his face. And he's with a girl, too. And I could tell that he was like, this guy's nuts. So he just fucking ran away. Wow. And we got the cab. Hey.

And I brought her home. It was like, that was the thing. Good for you, man. And she was like, that was, she was, I feel like I could tell she was bad. But she goes, that was incredible. And I was just like, ooh, this is not a good. This is the woman who expects this shit. Right.

And I can't deliver this regularly. This was like, I'd say, twice in a lifetime thing. Wow. I bluffed. I went all in with a two and a five. But hey, you won the pot. I won the pot. You took it home.

Yeah. Man, that's amazing. He probably had two eights But he had no confidence Right Right Wow That's so cool I mean

Even though Look we're not violent guys We're not tough guys I'm drinking a fucking White Russian Yeah I remember I was drinking I was at the cellar one night

Mike Yard You know Tough comic Funny dude But he's tough I mean he's been shot He's like you know From East New York

And I remember we're talking about, he ordered a Bailey's Irish cream on the rocks. And I was like, Ooh, tough guy. And he goes, I could still kick your ass. And I was like, yes, you can't. There's nothing you can say. There's nothing you can say when someone says I can kick your ass. You're like, that's the end, I guess. Yeah, that's it. Cause he probably could. And, uh, definitely nobody wants that, but yeah, no, but probably could, and nobody wants that. But yeah, no, but even when you did that to that guy with the cab, how good did you feel in that cab ride home? I felt great, but I had this image of Terminator 2, Robert Patrick just fucking running behind it, and I'm just like, ah!

I would have shown my true colors. No, I felt good for that moment, but I also like, that's the dangers of booze, is you get confident. And there's also people like that who are like, you want to go, and the guy just gets into a fucking Muay Thai pose, and they're like, oh, fuck. That's a new thing. Yeah. Yeah, like, you don't know who knows fucking jujitsu or who went to summer camp with Chuck Liddell or whatever the hell it is, you know? So, like, you never know. It could be the scrawniest pipsqueak guy, and he knows how to do a Muay Thai.

It's crazy. It's almost like in New York, you kind of felt comfortable talking a little bit of shit because this was pre-MMA craze. And New York, most people aren't carrying guns here. No. But then you go to the Midwest. That's why everyone's so fucking polite.

Yes. Bless your heart. That's because I don't know what the hell you're packing so. No. But then you go to the Midwest. That's why everyone's so fucking polite. Yes. Bless your heart. That's because, like, I don't know what the hell you're packing, you know, so I don't. So true. And that's the thing about New Orleans. Where I grew up,

every guy's wearing a polo tucked in with shorts and a woven belt, boat shoes, sunglasses with the weird dangly rope thing. And they got the swoop haircut. But these guys, they go, like, fishing and mudding. These guys will kick your ass and be happy to.

Kick your ass with a cigarette in their mouth. There's nothing worse than getting the shit kicked out of you by a guy in a Vineyard Vine shirt. It's brutal. Yeah, exactly. He's drinking a, what do you call those? A Sazerac. And he's got a seersucker blazer on

and he beats the fuck out of you. He's got a seersucker blazer on and he beats the fuck out of you. He's got his class ring on. Brutal. Class rings. Really? Who thought those were a good idea? I know. I remember I asked my dad, like, should I get that? He goes, ugh. And I go, alright, alright, I'm not getting it.

Oh yeah, when your dad is like a loser you're like, alright, alright. Anytime you see someone, no one's ever been like, cool class ring, dude. Like, no one's ever gotten a compliment on one. No, never. They're huge. They're big and gaudy. They're horrible.

They're like 300 bucks. And you graduated high school. You didn't win the NBA finals, dude. What the fuck are you doing? But that's the same guy who goes three touchdowns in the game to win the game against Holy Cross. You're like, all right, we got it. Al Bundy. In 61.

Oh, yeah. What's going on? Give me a pet peeve. Oh, well, mine's not great. I don't know if everyone's going to agree with me on this because I think some people will like the guy who does it. But I hate, and I hate it when a friend does this one. You go, man, you just missed it. This ambulance went by.

I was like, woo, woo, woo, woo. And your friend goes, what'd it do? And you go, woo, woo, woo. And then they all start laughing. I hate when they do the, what'd it do? I don't even know this. You've never seen this? And they go, oh, a cell phone rang and the movie theater was like, beeper, beeper. And your friend goes, what was it do? I don't even know this. You've never seen this? And they go, oh, a cell phone rang, and the movie theater was like, beeper, beeper.

And everybody goes, what was it like? And you've got to go, beeper, beeper. Ah, it crushes me. Because you're a written word comic, and you're watching that same dude is the one who buries you on stage without any writing. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, some Joe Schmo can just go go what would he do what it sound like and you have to repeat it and now you're the idiot yeah fuck ah kills me every time the sound effect guy the police academy guy yeah but he makes you the police academy guy because he makes you repeat

it it's a pretty cool move it is a cool yeah i don't i haven't really experienced it to be honest well i guess i'm trying to paint a picture, so I really up the sound effect, and he nails you on it. I knew it was a bad one, but it happened to me earlier. I'm trying to yes and you, but I don't know it enough. I have an angry one. My pet peeve is angry. All right, please, please.

So someone took an old bit of mine And it went like viral Some fucking British hack Did my bit Verbatim, and he claims he's never seen it But it's like literally every word is verbatim Wait a minute, is this the video game thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah I saw some on Twitter about this

Yeah, yeah, so okay It's got like one, and people just keep resharing it So it's like one guy posted on TikTok It's like 4 million views Another guy posted on TikTok, it's got like one and people just keep resharing it so it's like one guy posted on tiktok it's like four million views another guy posted on tiktok it's like four million views so it's like millions and millions of views and then i get worried i'm like do people not know that i wrote like i don't want people to think i'm a fucking thief if i you know right so um this guy i do some detective work to find this guy and he's a real prick. He's a real piece of shit.

And he's, he's like, Oh, they always say the same shit to you. When you bust these people, they're like, I've never heard of you. And like,

they want to neg you on top of it. They go, I've I'm not familiar. And I'm like, well, you did it verbatim. Like it's a 35 second bit that you didn't miss one. You threw in an,

um, but other than that, it's all. And, and it's really like these talentless, morally bankrupt motherfuckers that don't understand that we put work and hone material and try it out and write it and then go back and try it again until it's where we want it. And they're just like, oh yeah, no, I want to like. Fuck you. Right. Exactly.

Wait, wait. So what is the video? Is it him saying it? Yeah, it's him saying it. It's him saying the joke. I don't know if he's using laughs from someone else or if he's telling it on stage from someone else. I don't even know how he's doing it. But it's him doing my material.

So I find this guy through some, the funniest part is when you're like you piece of shit and they're like i'm 15 i'm like all right fine whatever you know so uh anyway i get to this guy man he goes on and on but like i say you know you're despicable i write you know uh intellectual property theft i'm throwing some words out there but i go it said you should have a good explanation for this and he writes like nothing is ever achieved by being rude. So perhaps consider a less confrontational and accusing message in future. None of us have ever seen the Joker film.

And I did in the Joker, too. It's my it's my fucking hour special for Comedy Central, positive influence. And it's in the Joker. I'm like, you've never seen the Joker. OK, fine. But like, it's verbatim. Yeah. Jesus.

The way we run our content involves a weekly live stream where we allow our viewers to submit their favorite jokes. It's like, I don't understand what this is. Okay, but it went viral and you're using my shit. They don't understand how jokes work. Like, if you didn't come up with it, you don't get to just steal it like it's your joke i know and all you gotta say is i like this comic sam murrell here's his bit and then it's then great now it's viral and people hear it and i'm not trying to shit on all these like instagram meme guys because there's people out there like tank sinatra who are writing their own shit those

memes are their own and if they use someone else they credit them like they're actually putting original content out there there's good people like tank and then there's people like fuck jerry or the fat jew who are just like morally bankrupt they're bad people who are just like i'll make money i can build up a following doing this and make money yeah their talent is actually seeing what's funny and then marketing it as if it's theirs that's their talent not actually comedic talent or creative talent but tanks tanks great love tank but that's the problem these 15 year olds is they are they grew up with the internet so they just think it's this fucking playground and this this grocery store they can pick and choose whatever they want but it had to come

from somewhere you queefs somebody had to write that shit yeah it really it sucks and it's like i try to be good about it like when someone takes a photograph of me i try to find their instagram handle and credit them like people these are careers for people so yeah you're just stealing you're stealing their work without crediting them for crediting them for their work is what you're doing right you know you know who's really hating this conversation is porn stars. They're like, oh, do people enjoy your shit without paying for it? Welcome to my world, bitch. That's my whole life.

I haven't paid for porn in 10 years. Maybe 20. 20? Yeah, I haven't either. But here's the difference between porn and what we do. Anybody can go fuck on screen. You get it in one take, Jake, you're done.

We got to rehearse this shit, do the road, write it, replay it, say it again, listen to it, bomb with it, tweak it. So it is a little different. It is funny you say porn stars because I was about to go on this rant in my head. I was like, you know, how like this like-based culture, that dopamine rush has brought up,

I think, ugliness in us. Because especially, same with you think of Twitter, how people just pander. Because like, remember when Twitter first started and it was all about like just telling a joke and getting likes.

And then it became like, this has got to stop. And you're like 100,000 likes over this has got to stop, you know? So I was going to say like this like-based culture has really brought about like a lack of originality, ugliness, pandering horseshit. Yes. Delusion.

I'll say one good thing. It's brought a lot of ass pics on Instagram. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that. A lot of likes going that way. But for the most part, it's bad. Yeah. Yes, yeah.

They earned those ass pics. They did squats where they were born with a gift But yes, I completely agree Ass surgery maybe Maybe they got the implants Alright, either way You're really dedicated to your art You put your body on the line

But, yes, here, here And no, I don't follow you Or actually like it Because I don't want anybody to see my paper trail But thank you for You're doing the Lord's work, dear ass lady. But I forgot my point. You got me thinking about fat, juicy asses.

Well, what I was going to say is that these people, it's like they're stealing. It's like they're stealing drugs and selling. They're like dealers. They're like drug dealers. Right. And I do. I'm like, well, you're stealing and dealing is what you're doing. Yes, exactly.

Oh, yeah. But we're jokes right you're so right with the uh the likes though it creates this weird thing where that's what people are liking we'll just go that direction so integrity is so lost these days it's just like oh i know i've never cared about activism before but now it's popular so i'll jump on it and you're like then you call them on it they go no i've always cared about this so you're like are you lying are you delusional which one is it right because we haven't changed we're the same idiots it's so bad i mean we've talked about a million times but just the idea of like not being face to face man just like putting shit out like you don't think and

it's not just in terms of cruelty but it's in terms of like being who like was that who you really are behind the keyboard i that who you really are behind the keyboard i think who you really are is around people right right because none of this shit is real so you become this person on twitter where it's like oh i'm just like you know this is how i feel but it's like but you're alone with a gadget is that really you you didn't did you think that through twitter should have an are you sure button like it should have a send and then are you sure yes you know i completely agree you're 100 right and i've always said that twitter is like a laser pointer for a cat we just get all engaged we get all worked up the heart rate's going and then before you know it you're like oh this is nothing there's nothing here it's

not real and now you're just climbing the wall because you think there's a red dot on it. It's not even there. I like it. I think we're making some interesting points here. Should we shout out the emails? Because people are sending us a lot of emails. Please. I probably read 50 of them tonight. Oh, man. We are ahead of May. I should say that our Patreon will be coming out this week,

so keep an eye open, patreon.com slash onemoredrinkpod. That's patreon.com slash onemoredrinkpod. And you can email us at onemoredrink with Mark and Sam at gmail.com. And also, make sure you subscribe to us on Apple. But there's two. Someone else, I guess, helped this out before. We got our producer, Harry, in the mix. And Harry uploaded us. So you can stop doing that. We got we got someone doing this. So one more drink with Mark and Sam. That's the one. Not just one more drink.

One more drink with Mark and Sam. That's the one you want to subscribe to on Apple. That's us here. Here. Wow. Well done. Leave us a review. Yeah. And thank you for all the emails. I mean, they were sweet and funny and thoughtful, so I appreciate you guys, because we know the email address is about three pages long. So just typing all that in, we appreciate. You want to do one, and then I'll do one? Sure, sure.

All right, let me pull it up here. I picked two I liked for different reasons. All right. Let me know if you want me to go or you to go. You go. All right, all right. Now, I want to say it was hard to pick because there's so many good ones, but two that jumped out and grabbed my taint for some reason was Adam Lambert.

Adam Lambert, 109, at Outlook.com. I don't know if I was supposed to give that out. You don't give the emails out, do you? Sorry, sorry. Beep that there harry um but uh by the way first can i just say we got one some from iran we got some from ireland we got some from belgium i mean like jersey we're all over the road with these emails which i love i love australia all right hey guys huge fan of the pot do i read the whole thing

i don't know if it's i don't know if it's like too long i don't know how long is it I don't know if it's too long. How long is it? It's about a paragraph and a half. I'll summarize. All right. Huge fan of the podcast. Wouldn't mind a commentary on a joke or two I wrote.

I'm so lazy. It's just going to be the last two I wrote in my notes. I'm trying comedy nowadays. I was a former child star. Yeah, I was in adult films. I just happened to be a child actor. That's funny. All right.

Here's the joke. Kids hate going to school, but two types of kids were probably pissed about doing school at home online. And the two types are soon-to-graduate prom kids and would-be school shooters. I knew he was going to school shooter. Yeah, I knew he was going school shooter. Had to do it. You have to, yeah.

But here's how he connects it. This is why he's good. So we got the two types that are missing out on school because of online classes, graduate prom kids and school shooters. It's the same thing. It was supposed to be your special day. You'd remember it forever,

and you were finally going to get Jessica. It's dark, but I like it. I like that he connected them. Ooh, yeah. So you're like a prom king and also a school teacher. That works. That's funny.

Yeah, pretty good. Pretty good. Get Jessica is not a bad little connection there with the third punch. There might be some connection like Carrie because you're covered in blood.

Yeah, yeah. They're're all gonna laugh at you uh and then he said he said is stand up doing stand up at 27 too late i've done like three mics no no it's not just do it if you want to do it just do it i said don't worry about it there's no too late if it's if do what you want to do in your life man i mean if you love it, you'll know in a few years if it's working or not. But I think do this if you love it. Yeah. You're not going to make it anyway. But it's so tough that if you love it and it makes you happy, do it. Yeah.

All right. You hit me there. All right. Let's see. David Kilbride good morning gentlemen i haven't read this one yet i have a hard time knowing if something's a one-liner or a premise here's one let me know if it's hacky women who participate in gang bangs are the ultimate people pleasers oh i like it that's fun believe or not, it's tough to Google a gangbang joke to see if it's been done before. I can imagine.

Love the show, David. All right. That was nice. Give me another. All right. All right, Dave. Even that tag is funny. It's tough to Google a gang.

That's a good tag. Tough to Google a gangbang. Yeah. Maybe the thing is I Google gangbang and I never finish the rest of the joke. Ah, there you go. Something like that. All right. You got that, David?

Write that down. All right. This guy, Benjamin Johnson, he gave us some jokes that just have the beginning but not the end. But I think there's some stuff here. Fighting sleep is like trying not to come. All right. That could be a bit. That could be something there. Fighting sleep is like trying not to come. All right, that could be a bit. That could be something there.

Fighting sleep is like trying not to come. You're in bed. There's a lot of similarities there. Both of them put you to sleep. I don't know. Fighting sleep is like trying not to come. Yeah, there might be some way, especially if you're in a relationship or something like that.

Right, right, right. Especially at your parents' house. Yeah, fighting sleep is like trying not to cum. All right. Country music doesn't allow swearing, but it has cunt right there in the name. That's cute. That's cute.

People like to complain about planes taking off late, but have you ever thought about what the world would be like if it was made up of a bunch of people just like you? Most things, including planes, wouldn't even have been developed because we're not even as close to as smart, so we really have no right to complain. Ooh, that's kind of heavy. That's interesting.

Yeah, I mean, I definitely have had that thought, and then I've also traveled enough to be like, no, I'm right. No, I agree. I mean, it's it's we take a lot for granted. That's that's a good point. Well, it's kind of similar to Louie's bit about, you know, everything's great and nobody's happy. You know, he's on the plane. He's like, oh, the plane was 20 minutes late. He's like, oh, yeah. Then you sit in a chair in the sky, you know? Yeah, it's so true. Yeah, it is amazing. Like, you ever just, like, if I'm fucking pissed about a flight,

it's more about me, like, missing a show or something. If it's just, like, or if it feels like it's the airline being incompetent, I'm never like, well, I could have made this airline. No, I'm never, that's never the issue that's a good point it's also if like they're like or they're like oh we oversold our flight i'm like well that's that's the shit that pisses me off it's not yes it's not really the oh shit we need to like thaw off the uh wing or something like that you know i get that it is sad when uh the things i've said to like make a flight go faster i'm'm like, but I'll be fired.

The club won't use me again. I've made up all these lies to somehow think they're going to be like, all right, we'll start the plane up. I go into rich white lady mode. The Toledo Funny Bone might bump your weekend. We have a first class ticket right this way. Yeah, exactly. But I sold out a show. I swear to God, I have merch.

this way. Yeah, exactly. But I sold out a show, I swear to God. I have merch. One more from him, and he said people would call someone gay for watching trans porn, but it's actually the straightest porn there is. You watch dudes fuck chicks, but trans porn is a hot chick

fucking a hot chick. Still a dick, but no man face. I think regular porn is gayer. Here's rebuttal my rebuttal is the dick is so that i have like a it's like a it's like a video game i'm like that's my dude that's like it's like a first person shooter you're like and they give you a dude that's better than you it's like you know it's like it's like halo or call of duty and you're like jack you're like that's me that's who i get to be in this scenario. Right.

I can't picture being a chick with a dick. That's just not me. Good point. Yeah. I don't mean to poo-poo this premise here. I'm just saying that's where I come in. I'm not looking at the dick like sweet dick. I'm looking like, all right, that's my character.

You know? Sweet dick is the worst uh whiskey out there by the way um but but yeah yeah you're right that's true the dick is you you you take that guy's form that's why interracial porn is tougher because you're like a guy so not me i'm not i'm not worried about the interracial part. I'm worried about the, I can't fit into that. You know, I can't be that guy. So we need to make our own whiskey and call it Sweet Dick. Yeah, which raises the point, you bring up video game.

Here's the bit, Benjamin. This is the bit. Yeah. Avatar for porn. You got your video game guy. You can create a guy with curly hair and bad stubble and whatever. A shitty voice, you know. Graphics aren't good enough.

Were you ever watching those things? And you're just like, because they do those before a porn sometimes. It's like a trailer. And you're just like, this is fucking, this is Avatar. It's not, this is the movie Avatar, not an Avatar. This is ridiculous. I mean You know so Or they have like the woman

And she's so fake That you're just like Alright I mean At this point I mean But I'm saying This is like adult Remember Leisure Shoot Larry

Remember that fucking game Oh god do I Jesus But I'm saying You can create Your own player For a video game Wouldn't it be cool

If you could create Your player for a porn It would I just think like better Like I think like your own player for a video game. Wouldn't it be cool if you could create your player for a porn? It would. I just think like better. I think like when they already have sex robots, if you're in that world, you're going to be like, I'm going to take the sex robot. Yeah, that's a good point. And also there's like Seinfeld porn and Simpsons porn and all this shit.

And I was like, oh, this will be awesome. I love Simpsons. You're like this lady's fucking in yellow paint with the Marge wig. What am I doing here? Oh, it's also when they have the cartoon one. You're like, hell yeah, take it, Miss Krabappel, you fucking whore. Yeah, Lois. Stewie's fucking Lois.

Yeah, what are we doing with our lives here? It's too much. It's like, yeah, it's too far. And yeah, porn, that's the other thing. We're talking about the young kids with their likes. What are they going to be like with this porn? It's going to fuck their brains up. I know.

I know. It's crazy. I can't even imagine. And look, we played with fire. We're flying too close to the sun. Because if you told you at 11 or 12, do you want free porn on your basically on your computer all day, every day? Go. I'd give my left asshole for that. What are you getting? I pay a million dollars. See, it's how could they know? It's crazy. And it's also like we are flying too close.

We're flying too close to the stepson is what we're doing. But no, we're. Yes. No, we're we're really it, we're really, it is, I mean, like every comic's made this fucking joke, but it's the most obvious thing. It's like you were a kid in school. You took out a calculator. You did 8008. You did boob.

Right. You thought that was fucking funny. That was how horny we were, is that we're like boob. You know what I mean? Now it's like kids can literally go to the bathroom and jerk off. Yeah.

Yeah. They got porn in their pocket and women have no idea how glad, how lucky they are that they're not. Women aren't really into porn. I don't think. I mean, there's a select few. I don't think so.

Not like us. Yeah. I think we go darker. I also think like, it doesn't just kill your innocence. Like if you're a kid and you're, and you're into like, like, dark shit. Like, I remember the first time a girl touched my penis.

And it was, like, over my fucking sweatpants. And she just, like, touched it a few times when I came. I was like, oh, my God. And it's like, now these kids are going to be like a woman touches. He's like, all right, now spit on it. He's like 13. Joke me. He's like, now stick a finger in my ass.

Right, right. Call me a homo or whatever it is. Yeah, you got to keep upping it. Choke me. He's like, now stick a finger in my ass. Right, right. Call me a homo or whatever it is. Yeah, you got to keep upping it. You're right. But here's the rub. Here's the irony. No pun intended with the rub. But here's the irony.

Hey, that's a good name for a jerk-off place. Here's the rub. Here's the rub. But here's the irony. You get barbecue and then you get a hand job. That's the spot. You don't want to dry rub but here's the irony is they did these studies i don't know who does these studies but kids are having way less sex than they used to a scientist who's about to get

fired he's a guy they just found this out like we're gonna use the data but you can't work here anymore uh yeah exactly that's good that could be a bit But my point is I think they're not doing it because they have it They get it so easily, like, oh, I didn't get laid By Susie Q in Sophomore year, I'll just go to the computer Yeah, you're right I mean, it's all making us

More antisocial, like we talked about it It's like the crave for the likes and the crave For the attention, but it's like It doesn't make you better. Yes. Like not working for it is good. Working to get laid is good. You have to have a meaningful conversation with a woman. You have to you have to prove that you're not a scumbag. Right. You have to prove that you're able to listen and connect. Right. Right. So you bring a sex robot in the equation you're losing that part of your brain

you're like i don't have to try to be a person anymore yeah exactly i mean it's the same with instagram hey i can have a meme i don't have to be funny at a party or make someone laugh in person or have timing or come up with something so yeah i mean a lot of industry now is creating anything discomfort based. We figure that out, like how to get rid of that. And then people buy it because they go, I'd rather have a package delivered than go to the grocery store or go to the mall.

So yeah, give me Amazon. But some of that shit is necessary. Yeah. That discomfort like small talk or meeting people or seeing people or going out, going to the store, seeing all the groceries

grabbing the produce sniffing the tomato that's all part of our biology and we're taking that away it's you're it's a good point it's also like one of the things we're like we have grandkids ever first we have kids but we have grandkids i mean i think we're pretty good storytellers we can we can tell a tale here there you know as opposed to a regular you know compared to a regular civilian here but uh how are our grandkids gonna listen to us are they gonna give a fuck about what we say i'm gonna be like i remember i used to do comedy with this this guy mark norman right and they're gonna be on their phone like uh-huh yeah uh-huh exactly then they're gonna be like grandpa you're an elephant get in here get it you're an elephant Get in here You're an elephant Yeah But you're giving it

You got to go Give it way more technology He's going to have like One little microchip In his eyeball He's going to go I've watched three movies I saw Breaking Bad

And My Dad Blew Me While you were talking about You know The war So yeah It's going to be horrible They're going to come I think that's going to be a thing it's gonna

be like vr and they're just gonna like they're just gonna not even have to touch their penis they just like come they're at the table with their family like oh they're like stop coming to the table that's true and you know you know what we had to do to get come we had to jerk ourselves in a rapid motion over and over like geez what am i an aerobics teacher what are you amish jesus christ yeah exactly you did manual masturbation uh you drove stick come on you're right it's gonna be that we're fucked we're so fucked you know what else is fascinating see we sound like two boomers call i get that i get one of the guys who I was like, you guys shouldn't be stealing bits. And he was like, he wrote, one of his friends wrote, DM me and called me irrelevant.

That's the one they love to do. You're irrelevant. Irrelevant? You're using my shit. How irrelevant can I be? I'm irrelevant. You're stealing my material. Exactly.

And first off, I know I'm irrelevant, but you're still stealing my shit. Right. Oh, shit. I forgot what I was going to still stealing my shit. Right. Oh, shit. I forgot what I was going to say. Boomer. Boomer. Something about boomer. Oh, I lost it.

Man, you are a boomer. I'm getting old. Damn it. What was it? Hold on. It was good. Oh, my memory's gone. Man, this fucking white Russian goes down easy, I got to tell you.

I'm a little jealous this thing sucks Does it? You're not making a cocktail You're just throwing some bitters What kind of bourbon are you using? I'm using that larceny bourbon that I got from Jamie Lynn Back to back weeks I got the rind in there

I got the Circular ice ball Love a circular I got the circular ice ball. Love a circular. I got the square. I got the square ice ball. Nice. But yeah, it's just, you know, it's okay. It's just not my cup.

Yeah, I like that we can switch this up. I kind of like, I love this show. Oh, yeah, it's great. Damn it. What was I going to say? God, it was good. What were we holding? Boom.

Coming at the table, manual masturbation, Amish, driving stick. Oh, it was something. What were we holding? Coming at the table, manual masturbation, Amish, driving stick. Oh, it was something. What? I came. No, no. Ah, shit. All right, it's gone. Gone.

All right, shit. Boy, we went off on that. That was interesting. We went rolling, man. Should we do one more email or should we move on? Oh, yeah, sure. Let's do another email. Okay.

I didn't look at this one. Let me see what we got. Okay. Hey, guys. Digging the cast is from Jacob. Thanks, Jacob. One pet peeve. People announcing they're going to say something in a text instead of just saying the thing.

I've got something important to tell you or I have a question for you and then just not saying the thing just say the thing it's like clickbait to get me to respond to the text and make me anxious that's a good point also comedy but idea i'm not a comic i mean there's something there too i got a new sports watch and when i masturbate it thinks i'm running so it's like wow i don't remember taking 3 000 steps at midnight last night all All right, that's cute. But I think that there's something interesting about the idea of, yeah, people, the drum roll text, as we call it. Yes. Good way to put it.

You kind of have to do that now with like, you got to present like, hey, I got something here. You ready for this? Because some people get mad when you just say Hey can you do this Or whatever and they're like how about how are you Right right Yeah yeah yeah I don't mind the you ready for this

Or I got one for you You're not going to believe what happened to me I don't mind that I feel like it sets it up But I get that it could be a pet peeve It's a trailer for the movie text Yeah and it also grabs you It gets your attention You You're like, alright, hit me. You don't want to just come in and go,

I was robbed. You go, you're not going to believe this shit. I was robbed. Well, maybe his friends are not giving him good stories. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe they're going, I got something to tell you. And you go, what? He goes, I just went to the ATM. And you're like, I don't give a fuck. Maybe that's the problem. Yeah, yeah, that could be it.

I got a second pet peeve, by the way. Oh, hit me. Can I do a second pet peeve? Please, because mine sucked, so you got to make up for it. I don't like places not serving breakfast. Places that could serve breakfast all day just being like, I'm done with breakfast. So I wake up late, so I don't deserve eggs. Interesting.

There's a place down the block for me and i love it i go there all the time this is okay i guess but they go it's an extra dollar for an extra an egg sandwich if you go after 11 and it's like hey guess what guys the punishment is i get less daylight okay it's winter it's dark why are you punishing me here it's a good point it's only a dollar but it's kind of like It's more the message they're sending The principle yeah I don't like it because it's the same oven It's just

You made an egg at 11.58 you can't make an egg at 12.01 Like get the fuck out of here I hate it I'm a late riser I'm a late riser man And it's like you know sometimes I'll do a show And I'll wake up late I think night workers deserve the same respect That's all I'm a late riser, man. And it's like, you know, sometimes I'll do a show and I'll wake up late.

You know, I think night workers deserve the same respect. That's all I'm saying. Good point. Good point. I'll give them the, hey, it's four. We put the eggs away. We put the hollandaise away. We put the bacon away.

I'll give you that. But this dollar thing, that's fucked up because now you're just charging me You're making a sale off of my sleep schedule That's fucked up That's abuse, that's using you I'm not asking for hollandaise here I just want the fucking eggs Just give me the eggs on a, you know On some toasted rye

Maybe some cheese and avocado That's my fucking go-to order That's all I want, a simple egg sandwich Yeah, no, no, I feel ya What's your go-to order that's all i want a simple egg sandwich yeah no no i feel you what's your go-to breakfast by the way oh i mean i'm a simple man i like uh pancakes egg scrambled uh sausage and uh you do pancakes daily no no no no but what's like what's like your daily do you do are you a breakfast guy or no? Oh, daily. Like, are you talking about a diner or at my house?

Either way. At my house, every day, it's oatmeal, blueberry, and peanut butter whipped up in a mug. Love it. Every day with a banana on the side. That's good. That's a good, wholesome, good breakfast. You want to start your day. I never got people who do a really unhealthy breakfast. I understand what for me

waffles or like pancakes that's a 2 a.m diner order that's not a fucking 10 a.m diner order i'm not trying to fucking start my day with that shit well who are these people who don't realize that a waffle covered in syrup or pancakes or french toast i mean you're just eating birthday cake at 9 a.m that's all all that is. But they disguise it. Even a muffin is just, it's basically a cupcake. I love them, though. It's all the same shit. My grandma used to crush, man, blueberry muffins.

They would be the best thing you've ever eaten in your life. Look, I get it. I love them. I love them to death. But they're just eating this horrible sweets in the morning, and they call it breakfast. So it's okay. Isn't that crazy? I was watching, I was watching Kramer versus Kramer the other night.

I don't know why I've seen that movie so many times. It's such a sad movie, but like, I love it for some reason. Like, you know what I'm doing? I mean, just it's Hoffman and Meryl Streep.

What's not to like, it's incredible. But, uh, I feel like your TV is stuck on Turner classic movies and you can't get it off. You're like, ah,

shit, the remote's broken. I guess we're stuck on TMC. Well, there's one scene where Dustin Hoffman and his kids are just eating, like, Edmund Chocolon donuts for breakfast. Yeah, donuts! I get that he's going through a divorce, but it's like, that's a fucking, that's an aggressive breakfast for such a slender frame. I was surprised.

Yeah, you ever think about, like like how great it was to not know like why did no one knew that donuts were bad for you bread was fattening sugar was they knew they were bad well i don't know i mean maybe they did but like people are like i i smoked a cigarette i ate two eggs every morning and six pieces of bacon and pancakes and i went to work at the mill right and i lived to 104 but they didn't know about carbs and pancakes, and I went to work at the mill. Right. And I lived to 104. But they didn't know about carbs and sweets and simple sugars and fatty acids and all that shit. That's a good point.

Yeah, I think they were probably more about moderation. They're like, well, I just had, like, a little donut. That's how my grandpa was. He's like, he'd just say to my mom, he's like, well, you eat so much, but you're, like, so thin. And she's like, well, I'm eating fruit. I'm not eating, like, you're eating, like, one big donut. Yeah, yeah, glazed donut.

That's insane. But then again, people died at, like, 63. I miss a donut, though, man. You ever just hit up, like, the donut pub on, like, 14? They did that Louie episode. Remember? Okay, so the kid, that's a New York kid who bullies Louie in that episode. Yeah.

He's on The Sopranos, too. Mikey, he's a friend of my, he's a friend of my friend Dan. He's a great guy. But, like, louis would always go there that donut pub and i remember like you know stav and i would go there rachel and i would go there it's like you just go there you get a call a night coffee yeah a shitload of don't you get a bacon donut like all right for me for me that stuff is like the best and i can't just can't start my day that way. But end of the night, I'm all in. I'm not judging anyone's lifestyle choice. Well, yeah, you're already drunk.

You're hammered. It's a sinful time. The lights are off. You know, you're smoking again. That's what it is. We're judging sin in the daylight. Aha. What, do you open your fucking morning

banging a hook or two? I mean, shit. Yeah, yeah. There's a difference between sin and cinnamon. Wait, fucked that up forget i said it oh geez that was bad but but no you're right it's morning and you're having a fucking stack of flapjacks with with liquid sugar and butter it is good though damn a blueberry pancake though man those are what you go to is you are you a chocolate chip pancake guy? No, no, no

Blueberry, chocolate chip is overkill It's already sweet enough What are you, crazy? That's like a speedball You need heroin and speed? Just do the heroin But yeah, no Nothing better than a diner

And that donut, it's open I went with Salicus last week And just that wall of donuts The bar with the round stools Oh, I love it That place is special That's a New York classic There's like a few New York classic places

Where you're like This is like a classic donut coffee place Or something like that warms your heart It's very There's something like very welcoming about it Where you're like I just sit and eat my donut And I have my coffee And I feel like I could write jokes in here

Could write jokes It's quiet but it's not quiet It's perfect It's like a donut library You got all of them up on the wall And the lady's got the old cashier And me and Salicus were making fun of Hilaria Baldwin And it was like a classic New York moment

I'm talking to this Brooklyn guy We're talking about Hilaria Baldwin, and it was like a classic New York moment. I'm talking to this Brooklyn guy. We're talking about Hilaria Baldwin, and the cashier was Hispanic, and she goes, we all make fun of her in the Spanish community. I was like, oh, shit, like she jumped in. It was great. I love a jump in. I love when you're kind of shooting the shit, and you get a stranger with a good ad lib. I love that.

Yes. That feels very New York to me, but I'm sure it happens everywhere. No, no, definitely New York. But the worst is when you get a stranger chime in and it's negative. You're like, hey, who invited you here, Dick? We're trying to have a conversation. He's like, that's not true. Actually, it was 1971.

You're like, get out of here. I love that Annie Hall scene when he's just in line and he's just listening to that fucking imbecile blather on and you're like oh that's such a great new york the loud asshole who thinks they're right about everything and you're like well you really lack awareness enough to be a loud asshole clearly your opinions on things are going to be shit also yeah brilliant scene because then he has the professor come in and prove him right i love it fuck that's such a great what's your no what's your number one woody give me your top five woody allen right now top five i don't even they don't even need to be in order just give me your fav okay i mean out of

the gate it's crimes and misdemeanors and hannon her sisters are the top two for me we're on the same page but i got you got to throw in any hall just because it's Annie Hall. Respect. Probably the best rom-com of all time or up there. I love Take the Money and Run. Just so many great jokes. Fuck, I love that that's in your five. Manhattan is good, but I like the comedy ones maybe. Well, Hannah and her sister isn't that funny. It's pretty funny.

I love Deconstructing Harry, too. I like Match Point. I like Vicky Barcelona. I mean, I'm all over the road here. So where are you? So you're at Take the Money and Run, Crimes and Misdemeanors, Annie Hall, and what was the other? And Inner Sisters.

And Inner Sisters. And then I need one more, so I might go Manhattan. Manhattan is great. I probably do the same thing, but I swap uh take the money and run and i go bullets over broadway oh that's good that's just like that might be like my top five comedies it's fucking perfect that's a great movie i mean that diner scene with the fucking old jewish comics is oh no it's broadway danny rose oh what am i thinking? You're talking about the gangster one. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's a great one.

Diane Weiss is just brilliant. I love her. She's great. She's great. She scared the shit out of me in Superman 2. I don't remember her in that. I never saw that, I don't think. It's horrible.

Don't even bother. Richard Pryor's in it. Or maybe it's three, but it's a mess. Yeah, apparently I used to play with her kid in the playground when I was like a baby. My mom was like, she loved you. Diane Weiss loved you. I was like, that's my, she liked baby me.

That's your in if you ever meet her. I used to play with your kid in the playground. Yeah, don't say the age. Just be like, oh, I used to play with your kid yesterday. That is my in, yeah. I was 31. What's your rec? Are you going to Surge Party this week or do you have something else?

No, no, you already did that. So my rec is going to be so there's this new documentary out on Netflix called The Night Stalker. Ooh, is it good? It's amazing, but that's not my rec. You should watch it.

I'm kind of doing a double rec here, but it's incredibly done. But this guy, Tiller Russell, is the director, and he's a documentarian, but he adds his own spice to it. Like, he makes the music, and he cuts it up beautifully. He's almost like the Tarantino of documentaries. And he did another one called Operation Odessa. Unreal! Unreal! I mean, watch it tonight if you can. It's on Netflix. Documentaries. And he did another one called Operation Odessa. Unreal. I mean, watch it tonight if you can.

It's on Netflix. The story is so unbelievable. What it's all real is footage. You don't believe what you're seeing. It feels written. It's too perfect. Damn, I just looked it up. All right.

Interesting. It's basically these three gangsters. One's a Russian gangster who opens a nightclub in Miami. It's basically these three gangsters. One's a Russian gangster who opens a nightclub in Miami. He meets a foreign car salesman, like Lamborghini, Ferrari salesman in Miami. They all do blow, and they meet this South American gangster, and they buy a Russian sub when the Soviet, what do you call it, the USSR fell, the Soviet Union, and everything went cheap, so they bought a Russian sub and packed it with Coke, and they would ride it back and forth for i mean it's unreal and they're all

over the top they're all crazy characters i gotta watch that all right i'm gonna watch it i'll watch it tonight um my rec what do you guys uh so i told you like for whatever reason my focus has been shit since the pandemic started like my my add is already terrible but then uh i mean i feel like i'm talking like a close friend like you i can focus but i mean just in general if i'm reading a book my anxiety i have such bad anxiety i'm depressed i'm just you know i'm doing my best to just focus elsewhere so noir is such a good escape for me i was reading short stories because i feel like if i finish a short story i'm like all right i completed something tonight so i've got a bunch of these uh in this book uh it's called manhattan noir it's a short story book manhattan noir there's also an la noir that's very good and there's

also manhattan noir too but one of the ones i love in manhattan noir i'm gonna give a spoiler for one of them so i'm sorry but it's just very cool so the plot it's a short story but the plot is basically that this guy keeps killing people this guy just like homeless people just keep winding up dead and these cops are like who the fuck is doing this like who keeps killing these homeless people and it's like they're like we don't know so they keep winding up and they cops kind of put together where it's happening and they kind of find a pattern and one of the cops decides to go undercover as a homeless person to bust a guy so he picked he finds this guy he's just laying there and this guy walks up to him one night and goes oh you look like you're not doing well do you want a cigarette and it's like a creepy looking dude and he's in

boat shoes like a rich asshole and the And the cop goes, he's hiding. He's a homeless guy. He basically says, you know, yeah, yeah, I'll take a cigarette. And the guy takes out the pack. And he notices when he opens the pack, one of them is the wrong way. And he's just like, and he hands him the one that's going the wrong way. And he goes, you smoked that one. And he goes, what are you talking about why

and he goes i think you should smoke that one and the guy goes i don't want to and he takes out a gun he goes smoke that fucking cigarette right now and the guy is like quivering and basically he puts he knows that he's poisoning people he knows he's poisoning people with a fucking and the guy starts crying and he's basically just like i'm not like i i i i feel like i'm helping them i'm trying to put them out of their misery they're homeless you know and it's this dark shit and he puts a gun to his fucking head and says smoke the fucking cigarette you piece of shit because he's murdering people and the guy smokes it and then he takes off his clothes and puts the guy in the homeless clothes so when they find him they think it was just another homeless person that was murdered whoa so he's like a vigilante yeah wow fucking cool though isn't that cool

that's super cool but let me ask you did you read a lot more of these than i do do you think that guy came up with that and said i gotta write a story around this or did he come up with the hobo that that's what's so fascinating i'm not a i'm not a murder mystery writer what the fuck do i don't know they write this stuff i i i don't know i mean like you how do you come up with a bit right is it yeah i guess so but maybe yeah maybe i don't yeah maybe i think some of them i would guess know the ending and write backward would be my would be my guess but i don't i have no reason to know that because if he wrote anything before that and then came up with that ending i mean that would be too impressive that's a good point i just thought it was such a fucking I have no reason to know that. Because if he wrote anything before that and then came up with that ending,

I mean, that would be too impressive. That's a good point. I just thought it was such a fucking badass turn. That is a great turn, a great twist. I mean, just to think about the cigarette thing, man, that's really great. It was badass. I love cool twists. All right, how about a news story?

Any good news? Oh, shit, yeah. yeah you you go uh you go first i gotta pull mine up here so i got um i don't have anything good but i do we do have to mention that phil specter died i think that's like big news yeah crazy that guy's a music producer piece of shit murderer yeah do you like his work or no well he did all the george harrison stuff right i fucking love all things must pass i mean one of the best albums of all time he did all the wall of sound shit yeah yeah he did the worst leonard cone album he did death of a ladies man uh which is like the album is dreadful and leon and Leonard Cohen wanted nothing to do with it.

And same with the Ramones. I think the Ramones were also like, fuck you, we want nothing to do with you. But Leonard Cohen was like, I hate this guy. He would take out guns during recording sessions. I read this in his book. He was like, he would take guns out during recording sessions and just put it on the table to fuck with him. Like, he was a piece of shit. Whoa.

But then all these other people were like, he's a genius. But Leonard Cohen, basically when the album was done he was like i want nothing to like imagine putting out a an album being like i i disown this i want nothing to do with it but i will say this throw on the song death of a ladies man 10 minute track by leonard cone it's insanely good really the lyrics are just like fucking insane it's epic it's almost got like a tune to almost like man and me by bob dylan but it's like yes but it's 10 minutes and yeah give it a listen all right we'll do death of a ladies man yeah and also the one thing i'll say about this veronica uh uh ronnie specter is his ex-wife uh-huh phil specter's ex-wife

veronica bennett of the ronettes so you know he made all those rick ronette hits yeah but like that's that's like the downside of taking a murderer's last name is now she's just ronnie specter forever you know yeah that's like it's like if your last name is like Simpson or like fucking Kennedy or something. Right, right. If she's like, well, my middle name was Chappaquiddick or something like that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Susie 9-11.

But wait a minute. Yeah. So what was his genius? I mean, obviously he had great taste and he had a great ear, but like, you knowmy iovine and all these guys they're like they've discovered metallica they discovered dr dre and all this shit or whatever it was this fleetwood mac uh but what did he do okay so i don't know music like a lot of like so i feel almost guilty trying to explain this because i people can be like sam you're a fucking idiot but i think due to my limited understanding of specter i think it was that he was able to combine like almost like darkness in a pop way where he could where he could like bring about it was like big everything was he did

one of the i think he did let it be by the beatles but it was like it was like a bigger sound than it would have been and i think paul mccartney was also like fuck you it should have been less i think they he's another guy who is not thrilled with how it turned out but uh yeah i think he made things sound way bigger and i think that's probably why cone didn't like it i mean this was like right pre his synthesizer phase which also was like not my favorite elenor code phases but uh i think the shit just sounded big yeah interesting but also he would do it with dark music. But then he also did, I guess, with like the Ronettes, which isn't dark.

Those songs don't seem dark to me, you know? Yeah, yeah. I just never know what those guys do. Like I know David Geffen used to go down to the Troubadour, you know, back in the 70s and be like, this guy's going to be it. It was like a young Elton John, you know? But other than that, I don't know what these guys do.

So that's interesting that he changed the sound. Yeah. Yeah, you know. But other than that, I don't know what these guys do. So that's interesting that he changed the sound. Yeah. Yeah, no, people that work with him, like, swear he's a genius. But then you also hear stories like that where they're like, he's a fucking horrible human being. I mean, clearly he is a horrible human being. He's a murderer. He murdered an innocent woman.

He got drunk and then he killed her. He shot her in the head in a chair. And then he went outside and I think he told his driver or something like, I think I murdered someone. I mean, he's insane. He's an insane person. Jesus. Was he on a date?

I don't know the story. I think they got drunk and they just went back to his place is the story. Wow. Well, he's got to do everything big. All right. So I don't know if you heard. This is a true story.

This sounds like a setup for a joke, and it's a real news story. The wealthy, sweet, and low magnate leaps to death from NYC apartment. And so, I mean, the bits in my head were just ringing like a casino, like a slot machine. So the one I went with, I'm not going to sugarcoat it, but the one I went with was, after to sugarcoat it but the one I went with was After Death

We're All Equal ooh that's good yeah I think that's how you post it that's funny how about Sad and High he had a real sugar crash but there's so many

but I went with We're All Equal and it got about 200 retweets so I feel pretty good about it that's good that's funny Should we do a bit?

Is that your news? Yeah, I feel like we just had to touch on Spectre We're going long anyway Oh, okay, okay, let's do it Should I do a bit or do you want to do a bit? Hit me, hit me I got a couple and I want to pick the one I like I have a thing about how I have like really

I've talked about this, I have such bad AD add so i think i like women who are emotionally fragile because they keep me engaged you know what i mean like i have a hard time paying attention if someone's crying all the time i'm like all right i'm locked in i get it's like it's like someone talking about their day it doesn't feel urgent but if someone starts shrieking i'm like this seems time sensitive right right yeah you're watching an action movie when they're talking you don't give a shit but when that car explodes you're like all right i'm paying attention i'm back in yeah this is speed this is something like that yeah there's something like that there yeah yeah there's a bit there

yeah there's something there i have a lot of bits about that carmen lynch has that bit about ever listening to a story, and it's boring, but then there was one good part, and you're like, could you repeat that? Could you go back? You have to pretend like you were listening. Oh, okay. I don't think that's that similar, though, is it?

Completely different. I'm just saying you don't want to tread in that area. Totally. I won't go there. I love Carmen. She's so funny. Oh, yeah. Today's her birthday, believe it or not. Oh, shit.

Yeah, she's a... If you haven't seen the hilarious Carmen Lynch, give a YouTube search to her Letterman sets. She's a killer. Such smart, deadpan jokes. Yeah. And I'm sure she's got albums out there, too. She got an album, I think, that just came out.

Check it out. She does, yeah. A couple Lettermans, an album. She's done a a few things i think she's got a colbert she's done it she's done yeah i think like cord and she's done a ton of shit yeah yeah check out carmen good egg all right is this this is completely raw maybe a horrible idea maybe you can help me with it so i had a thought about church. All these people are like, I want to go to church, but it's COVID, blah, blah. And I thought, isn't church weird that it's all about Jesus and God,

but they're not even there? It's weird to go. We do Zoom because we can't meet up. But people go to church. It's kind of like a God zoom because he's not there. So it's like, you're going to a concert to see this guy who's not even going to be there.

He's like, he's like Axl Rose. You're like, where is he? Shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

No, he's coming back. You're like, well, he's when, but, but it's weird to go to a show with the guy you're a fan of and worship isn't even there.

But the publicist is there. He's going like, this is what he said. I'm delivering the news. I don't know if it's funny, but I thought that was interesting. You're going to see a show with a guy who's not even there that you worship. He's like, yeah, he's your hype man. It's like seeing Public Enemy, but it's just Flavor Flav. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

He tells you what to do. It's almost like wave your hands in the air, except it's get on your knees and read you know, read this psalm. Yeah, it's not as catchy. Right. Why not just pray at home? Why do you have to go to the place? Yeah, it's kind of maybe if you do the Guns N' Roses angle, it's kind of like Paradise City, but you better be good or you're not going to go there. Right, right. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe heaven is the after party yeah well it's i love the angle that god is not he's not even there like what a great idea what a fucking it's like doing like a public

appearance thing and he's like ah i can't make it can you can you cover it for me right right and he's such a big celebrity that you still keep showing up. You feel like if you like Ariana Grande, you wouldn't go to the concert 15 times. You'd be like, all right, she's not coming. Fuck it. It's basically a tribute band. It's almost like-

Tribute! Kiss is so big, you're like, I'll go see someone play Kiss. Right. That's interesting. That's what it is. Tribute band is the angle, I think. That's good. All right, it is. Tribute band is the angle, I think. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not Jesus. It's Pastor John or whoever. Yeah. And I like the idea that he can't. Because the thing is, you know he's not going to make it. Right, right. Yeah, that's true. We're just playing his hits You're playing his hits because you're singing all the songs in unison With the whole other church goers And that's kind of like The greatest hits Yeah, you're right

I think the angle is like a concert Where it's like, it's a tribute band It's a concert It's almost like This is's a tribute band, it's a concert. It's almost like, this is maybe a weird angle to go, but like someone who's, it's like if you did like a Michael Jackson type thing, because it's like, he's gone anyway.

You know he's not going to show up. You're like, but these are fucking good tunes. Ah, right, right. Yeah, yeah. I still love Michael Jackson, even though he's dead. Problem is, maybe you should go Prince, because Michael Jackson's got that guilt connected to it Well then you get the kid fucking connection though That's fucking true

Michael Jackson good call He was more than just kid fucking Now we're getting somewhere This is good I think we got something here Hold on let me let me think back to your bit the you like an emotional lady because yeah you're only locked in when she's crying yeah i like i like drama i don't want to admit it to myself but i like a little drama

all right all right i mean shiver it's it's almost like I'm watching myself watch a show And you're like, it's like What would you rather watch, fucking Downton Abbey Or the fucking Sopranos You know what I mean? I want shit to happen Yeah I wonder if there's a parallel With sex, like

Dude, you got a black eye I need to be hit in bed, or I can't get off And it's the same with a woman. You need to be yelled at or you're not paying attention. Not yelled at. I just need something to be roped. And fuck, I don't like putting this info on blast here because I don't want to keep attracting that.

Yeah, but you're going to attract it anyway. I mean, that's what you're into. Yeah, there's something about needing. I think it's also like needing to fix i think that's also what it is is like there's a need to fit i almost feel like i almost feel like a mechanic sometimes if you bring me something and it's and i'm like yeah it's fine what do you want me to do with it you know what i mean right it's something's got to be a little off yeah yeah it's like you're flipping houses you want the the the that's not the intent i'm not trying to flip it i'm trying to keep the house but then i'm like i think the house is gonna leave me so i gotta flip it good point yeah cars

is better you want to fix the rubber and then you drive the car but every now and then that oil is gonna that oil valve is going to go down. It could be an apartment because you're kind of like, here's the thing about the apartment is that you could be like, well, you're like, how did I get this deal? And you're like, oof. Then you move in and you're like, the last guy did a number. That's how I did.

Right. Or you do something along the lines of like, I always like the idea of like apartments versus like dating apps where it's like the pictures are a lie but then you get there and you're like all right i'll give it a shot and then like two months in you're just like the sink doesn't work the heat doesn't work this fucking the lighting's not good and then they're like yeah i lied it was a lie right right yeah Zillow and Tinder are very similar. Street easy. That could be a good prostitute app. Street easy.

I think you're right. The apartment thing could lead into this. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot there. I mean, there's a lot to play with. If you want to get married, you could buy. You're renting now, but if you want to make it serious, now you're buying. And your friend's like, you're going to buy with that?

The fucking pipes aren't even working. You're like, I know. know i'm gonna fix them all right all right this is getting too heavy we got some stuff i mean this is a hot we went long we always go long on this show i feel like no we go long there's no set time so there is no long there's no that's a good bit what uh what do you got what do you got coming up? Oklahoma. Oh, my God. Some gigs. I'm scattered all over the place.

Oklahoma City. Be careful in Oklahoma. Oh, yeah. Lots of love. Lots of love to OKC. I'm at Stress Factory February 4th through 6th, rather. Oh, great. It's outdoors, but heated.

Yeah, I'm pumped. Such a great. You've been there. New Jersey. I went there once just to pop in because I was doing a show in Jersey already, but I haven't done a weekend since the pandemic there. But, yeah, I'm pumped. All new material.

So unless I start bombing, then I'll break out some of the oldies. Well, yeah, it's a hot setup. It feels like a real club. List likes it better than the old one, which is hilarious. That's hilarious. I like performing. I like doing a little Jersey action. Oh, hilarious. That's hilarious. I like performing. I like doing low jersey action. Oh, yeah.

New Brunswick's all right. I'm also there in February 2. I don't know. I think maybe February 3. Then I'm at Soul Joel's again in February. Oh, that's incredible. 16th. So, yeah, a lot of gigs coming up.

Royer Shred PA. Shout out to Soul Joel. The man. What a great thing he's doing over there in PA. He's great. Love Soul Joel. He did a hilarious thing to me, by the way. Came over to me when I was there and was like,

man, ever since Big Jay got punched and dragged off stage, it just blew the show right up. And I'm like, you shouldn't be bragging about that. That's not something you come up to people and are proud of. That's a fucked up thing that happened to Jay. Of course. But I will say in this fucked up wacko circus of

a business we're in, if you have some kind, like Bill Burr, that Philly rant kind of broke him. Jim Jeffries got punched out on stage. And adapting to a horrible crowd is different than being assaulted. I agree.

I agree. I'm just – my point is that it's – And also it's hilarious for the guy who runs the show to be like, I got to – you notice these numbers are pretty good, right? You know what happened. Hey, it's tough. These guys will take any help they can get. No, I hear you.

And he's done a great job. He's done a great job for sure. Done a great job. And he's a good guy. This business is weird. Any he's done a great job. He's done a great job, for sure. Done a great job. And he's a good guy. This business is weird. Any kind of exposure you can get. I mean, sometimes getting canceled, you know, in a weird way can help some people. I don't know.

I'm just saying. Let's not get carried away here. Really? I'm just saying. There's positives sometimes to a negative. Jim Jeffries punched out on stage. Went viral. That's true.

That was a big one. Bill Burke, still to this day, day says i thought that philly thing was going to ruin my career oh it was incredible i remember being blown away by it and just thinking he had like the most balls of any comic ever it was just i i remember being completely like oh that's that's a dude i love forever now yeah and they were and also for giving love to dom who they booed off fuck that that shit. Disrespectful. Yeah, yeah. Now, he's the man.

He's a killer comic. But screw him and come see us. Not joking. Don't screw him. Just trying to end on a bang here. No, this has been hot, man. I love doing this. We'll keep it going.

And remember to subscribe on Apple. One More Drink with Mark and Sam. That's the one that's us. We'll keep it going. And remember to subscribe on Apple. One More Drink with Mark and Sam. That's the one that's us. We'll keep it going. We got a producer now. Keep emailing us at one more drink with Mark and Sam at Gmail and subscribe to the Patreon dot com slash one more drink pod. Subscribe to that because bonus apps and you can email us and we'll read those on the Patreon.

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Toodles. Thank you. Bye.