We Might Be Drunk - Ep 61: Drunk-a-Roos

Episode Date: February 7, 2022

Support the show by downloading Breakshot Pool on either your Apple or Android Device Mark Normand and Sam Morril can be seen on the road at a club near you. Visit MarkNormandComedy.com and SamMorril.com for more details! Join the Patreon for bonus episodes weekly and more bonus content: Patreon.com/WeMightBeDrunkPod Send us emails [e-mail] Send us mail: Gotham Podcast Studio 39 West 38th Street, 10th Fl New York, NY 10018

We might be drunk, we might be drunk, as long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit, pep heaps, wrecks, and a bit, maybe drunk. We might be drunk, yeah. Hey, hey folks! Here we are. We're here. We're drunk. We might be drunk. We might be. What do you got, a Dunkaroo? This is the best Dunkaroo.

Someone sent this in, the vanilla frosting one. This is my childhood. We've gone full special needs on this show. We're all in here. Oh, man. This is like a Handy Snacks. That's good. Holy shit.

God damn. That's pure jizz. I mean, that is so good why swallowed did you do handy snacks or was that a southern thing what's handy snacks again with the cheese and crackers oh yeah those are good yeah no that's not a southern thing i just forgot yeah yeah the little uh red stick yes that was every mom's nightmare because they were in that bin right by the register and i was like come on mom they're like 14 cents he was like all right you're putting you know horrible things in your body but fuck it it was just anthrax and shit you know isis sent that one to the pentagon exactly oh gal gadot is that what you pulled up now the yeah so she remember that song she did at the beginning of covid when it was like she did imagine. Yeah.

So she just apologized for it. Good. She said it was tone deaf. I hate when people apologize for stuff, but this warranted an apology. Oh, it was so cringy. So gross. When all the celebrities were singing Imagine. That was one thing about the pandemic was celebrities just became so off putting.

Like we all knew celebrities are out to lunch. They're up in their ivory tower in Hollywood jerking each other off. But the pandemic, they all just, they had no movie roles. So they just got online and were annoying and dorky. It was like less about us and more about them. Yes. And my wife, Stacy, was like, this is what happens when they're out of the limelight for five minutes.

They need attention. They need it. So they put themselves out there in the weirdest ways. It all comes back to narcissism. It's tone deaf. Marlee Matlin was like, that was tone deaf. That was rough. It's one of those things where you're like, first off, my friend Joe Mackey would always say that Imagine is a bad song, which I think is hilarious.

And I used to laugh. I'm like, okay, it's John Lennon. But then I listened to the lyrics. I'm like, it is kind of bad. Is it? Well, what's bad about it? It's just kind of horseshit. It's kind of not saying anything.

It's just kind of like, well, imagine things were good. Well, it's also coming from a zillionaire. Yeah. You know, imagine there's no possessions. I'm like, you live in a mansion with a white piano. You imagine there's no possessions. Yeah. You want to live like a mansion with a white piano. You imagine there's no possessions. You want to live like us?

You imagine. Exactly. And you're apparently hitting your wife, I've heard. I think his first wife. Oh, he hit his first wife. He couldn't hit Yoko. She was bobbing and weaving. His first wife sang Imagine.

Imagine you didn't hit me. Imagine there's no black eye. All right. Dude do you mean? Dude, these Dunkaroos, are you fucking kidding me? Get them away from me. Get them away from me. That's like cocaine. That is hilarious when people say, get them away.

Get them away. It's yes. Yeah, I can't do it. It's tough. They're good. Woo. Yeah. That's not good for you.

That is pure, like, grade A, right to the vein sugar. Colombiano. Yes. That's the stuff. The good stuff, you know? I, right to the vein sugar. Colombiano. Yes. That's the stuff. The good stuff, you know? I saw this shit on Narcos. What is it, like, tastes like your childhood? Is that what you're, like, sugar?

Take one. That is high-octane horse shit right there. That is fucking delightful. I can't believe we give that to children. They're going to be on the moon. Oh, it's just frosting. It's just frosting. It's frosting.

Yeah, dude. It's so good. It's so good. Frosting fucking rules. Frosting's great. Paul F. Tompkins has a great joke. It's just frosting. It's frosting. Yeah, dude. It's so good. It's so good. Frosting fucking rules. Frosting's great. Paul F. Tompkins has a great joke. He's like, what's better, cake or pie? He's like, cake, because after you eat frosting, you feel shame.

Well, dude, frosting, have you ever, I remember when I was like a kid, being like college, we'd have like frosting in the fridge because we're fucking degenerates. Oh, yeah. And then you eat it just straight. You're high as shit. Then you look at the back of the serving size and you're like, get me a shotgun right now. Yes, exactly.

Did I just consume 5,000 calories in four spoons? I know. How the hell did I do this? I know. Then you're like, wait a minute, and a tooth falls out. That shit is evil. Evil. Damn, dude.

That was a big trope in the 90s, was like women would get sad, and they would just eat a box of bonbons. Remember that? I think that went away. Before antidepressants. Yes, yes, exactly. Sugar, that'll help. Right.

You want to kill yourself? Have a Malamar. Yeah, stress eating was big. It's still big. It's two years of a pandemic. It's fucking big. Every Bridget Jones of a pandemic. It's fucking big. Every Bridget Jones's Diary or Sex and the City, they had a breakup and they'd eat a Haagen-Dazs out of the cart. That was always a big cliche.

I like Bridget Jones's Diary. Yeah, I like it too. I think it's good. Aren't there a few of them? I think there's two or three. Yeah. I like Old Sex and the City is killer. So good. That's a great show.

The new one. Have you seen the new one? Oh, yeah. They'll be apologizing for that in a year. I good. That's a great show. The new one. Have you seen the new one? Oh, yeah. They'll be apologizing for that in a year. I mean, that show is a nightmare. There's jokes you apologize for, and then there's content you apologize for. Exactly. I'll apologize for the—I won't, but the offensive shit I'd rather get shit for

than just horse shit, cringey, you know, fluff that they're doing. I heard Chris Noth even cancel was like thanks for killing me off early because that was that was pretty rough i know i love how transparent they are with like how the first trans part right oh my god the first 10 seasons is we didn't have one minority and now it's like we're all pairing off with our new best friends and each one happens to be a minority okay yeah the kids are trans. The wife's a lesbian. Miranda was like the smart one.

She was a lawyer and all this. Now she's just ditzy and retarded. She's like, oh, yeah, I love this woman now. And I'm with my husband, but fuck him. Is that what happened? I quit after half an episode. I couldn't take it. Yeah, she's now hooking up with a non-binary woman, a non-binary person.

The writing is bad. And then it's like we hate men but this woman acts like a man so she's cool you know well they were they really fucked up i'm not talking about miranda i'm talking about the writers yeah they uh no it's fucking dog shit what i saw and i i i'm with you i like sex in the city it was like a weird comfort wash for me on the road because it was so new york so if it was on tbs or some shit and i was in a hotel room i'm like yeah it's new i'm in fucking you know florida this is a comfort watch you know it was so new york was all soho tribeca it was great the brownstones she lived uh sarah jessica parker i don't want to give out her address but she lives in the village and i can see her house all day

it's great she uh she's one of us she She's awesome. And I love Sarah Jessica Parker. She's so New York. But then also, I watched the beginning of Sex and the City. And the way they talk about Samantha is like the funniest shit I've ever seen. Where they're like, look, she just changed. It's clearly about the actress. But they're like, you know, sometimes you lose touch with people. And they don't know what your friendship meant sometimes your agent wants more money that's the most realistic plot line is the

fact that these women can't get along millennia had that great joke he's like there's oceans 11 with a bunch of dudes robin bank there could be no oceans 11 with women because four would pair off to talk shit about the other six so good and then but then they did make it they did he made that joke before and yeah but uh yeah man it is hilarious that they were like well we got to talk shit about her we'll do it but also she was the best character she was hilarious she was the comic relief by far hey you cut out the funny person cut out the slutty girl she was great now now here now here's a big dude question who's the hottest ranking in your mind sex in the city yeah like who's the prettiest or most sexy or whatever you want to say i mean samantha was probably one just because she was the biggest

slut yeah and she was the funniest yeah yeah that's i mean she was like she was the wittiest i thought yeah for sure. How about you? I got a weird crush on... I know you're going to say Sarah Jessica Parker. SJP. I knew you'd say it. I love that crazy mug. I love her freewheeling fun attitude. I love the crazy hair.

I love her outfits. I think she's so sexy. For me, it's big. Me personally, I'm an Aiden man. Yeah. No, it's... Who would have, I'm an Aiden man. Yeah. No, it's a, who would have thought we'd talk about this shit on the podcast? Don't tell me we don't have levels on this podcast. We're talking about sex in the city.

Well, the show is good. If it's good, it's good. It is good. And it's like cheesy in a fun way. Yes. Where like the writing's a little punny and cheesy at times, but I still kind of liked it. Loved it. It's a comfort watch.

Yeah. But yeah, man, i don't know like uh i yeah i gotta go here's the thing about charlotte like on paper very hot good looking lady but you know she's not doing shit in the bedroom she's a boring life i'm talking about the character not the i met her actually in a in a diner once when i was in like seventh grade maybe eighth grade and i I remember I went up to her. I was with my friends. We were in like our basketball. Was she on Sex and the City at the time? Yeah.

And I was in my basketball uniform. We were all coming from practice. And I saw her in a diner because we were just like getting like a soda. I was like getting like a Coke or something. And she, I was a kid. I said to her, yeah, I don't think she was turned on. She's like, look at that eighth grader with one eyebrow. I know those basketball shorts can't hide a boner.

Well, I said to her, oh, I watch your show all the time. And she goes, no, you don't. You're too young. And then I go, yeah, then how come I know your husband can't get it up? And the whole diner laughed. It was like a big laugh line. Whoa, that's a great moment. And she laughed really hard.

I was like, I got to laugh out of her. Wow. That's great. Yeah. That's huge. Put you on the road to being a comic. Yeah, right? That's a comic fast track baby just uh just about 20 years and i was on my way but no she uh i don't know no samantha was super cool but you're right the writing was a little over the top but it worked it worked it worked samantha'd be like i tried anal last night but you know when i go to the

club i always go in the back door. I could write that show in my sleep, but I liked it. But it was also... Look how pretty, come on. There was also nothing like that on air. No. That's why, it's like you could say whatever about it, but it's like there was nothing like it.

Yeah, I used to work at a restaurant in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and I was the only guy waiter. It was a bunch of ladies, and they would talk about that show all day and all night and it was fascinating to hear them talk about that show because they're like they talk about sucking dick like we talk about it you know it was fun to watch them love the show and i was like do you guys want to go on a date they're like oh you watched it to get laid. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. This is really just for Sam, but she's in an episode of Columbo.

And she's in Porky's. She's in Porky's? She's the woman. Oh, she's the screamer. Gym teacher, yeah. Let's see this, yeah. Peter Falk. What year? Probably 77.

Columbo comes back. He's like, there's just one more thing that's bothering me. Will you suck my dick? God, how old was she? I guess, see, we forget that the 90s is only 20 years after the 70s. Ooh. You know, like the 2000s is 20 years ago now. Well, it was probably the 80s, no?

No, 70s. 70s? Yeah, yeah. The 90s were still close to the 70s like i would watch reruns of fucking gilligan's island when i was a kid well so she's probably like early 20s here i remember she's in the pool in this episode too not that i not that you uh jerked off to it twice today hey damn she was just her whole career is like yeah i'm down i'm dtf but then i heard she had a divorce because uh she wouldn't fuck her husband enough like his complaint was like they didn't have

enough sex and she's like i was playing a character ah that's gonna be a bummer when you're like you're like i saw you on that show like you want to go have sex she's like no i'm an actress i don't i don't just want to fuck everybody right it is crazy like i i re-watched some of the old show just to get the taste out of my mouth of the new one and it's pretty quote-unquote problematic you know is it oh yeah but fun in a fun way they're like i'm gonna fuck a black guy on this episode and the rest of them were like whoa jesus slow down you know, when you blew that That hobo in the hallway That was one thing, but a black guy

Take it easy, you know And it was like that Black don't crack, well you should see my butthole There you go I think Mark and I could write for this show Darren Star, are you listening? They had a lot of comics on too I think, what was it?

Gaffigan, barry god yeah todd barry was on yeah it was on yeah he talked about it when he was on here oh must have been drinking but what about yeah i mean there's so many comics showing that show but uh damn i mean yeah it was a different i mean you watch entourage episodes now you watch certain shows and you're like holy shit i mean oh yeah times have changed that's how that's how shit works though that's how shit works yeah exactly and it's it's normal it's okay and i i think we're still those people we just have more information now we have more different feedback we have different voices speaking to us and going that bothered me and we go okay because we have social media we have the internet we have social media. We have the internet. We have all this. So I think we're all still animals.

We just know more. Yeah, well, there wasn't Twitter when Sex and the City came out the first time. Exactly. Now it's like, you know, Sex and the City now, it's like, I didn't get to the comic. I heard the comic on the show. It's like, wow. Oh, dude. It'll take you longer.

You guys made it further than that. I literally made it like 20 minutes into the episode, and then I heard Big died having a heart attack, and I was like, fuck you. Yeah. He deserved it. I mean, maybe the actor didn't deserve it better, but the character did. Yes. Hear, hear. A Peloton?

I know. What an ad for Peloton. Then they have an ad about it. Well, their stock dropped. Their stock dropped. Huh? Their stock dropped 11% after he died on the Peloton. I thought it was a weird choice

to have Kevin Spacey do the new commercial. But... But he... Yeah, it's like, what are you doing? Yeah. I guess that you need...

What, is she, like, dating in the new episodes? Is that why they needed that? Not exactly. Like, I'm at the 10th episode. She just started dating. But it's such a fucked up show because I watch it And I don't want to give anything away

But Carrie starts dating this guy and he's like an older White guy and I'm like you're gonna date an older white guy What are you crazy Oh wait you're poisoning my brain now You know like that's weird That I see an older white guy and I'm like bad bad Stranger danger But that's the show

Don't watch the stand-up thing. I don't want you to get tainted. I had to watch it through, like, fingers like this. It was horrible. Well, I mean, that's how the industry views stand-up. But it's like eight minutes of this trans woman. I'm not trans. She's a non-binary woman or person.

And she's just going for applause. No jokes. Yes. Just trying to get feedback. Like, where are we at with my trans people? And just applause for applause no jokes yes just trying to get feedback like where are we at with uh my trans people and just applause applause applause so they kind of nailed it no joke you know manhattan is not supposed to be where you pander this is supposed to be a blunt city where you just connect through like we're blunt cruel people that's new yorkers and that's not because we're actually cruel like when you really

need i remember 9-11 when we lined up for you know can we donate blood literally everyone in the city is like can we donate blood that was what we did and too many people lined up so you're like yeah you can't i mean too many people already offered but you know that's the thing about new yorkers but like when it push comes to shove with it we we got your back, but on little moments we can be casually, uh, not compassionate. Like, like if you see a crazy person,

the train, you don't have time to be like, his life must be terrible. I, I, Oh my God. Like, well,

where did he go wrong? You think move, right? That's what you, cause you don't have time to think about that for every, it's too fast paced. It's a city. He's,

and he's the third one today you've seen you gotta keep moving yeah exactly or your whole life would just be like oh my god we gotta stop here Louie's got that great joke about his friend from like Omaha comes here there's a homeless guy laying there smelling like shit and she's like we have to help this guy he's like what

we're going to eat no sweetie we don't do that here yeah exactly right right such a good point. But it's like, that's the thing is that we are good people here, but our humor is not like, how are you doing? That's not New York. No. That's just not New York.

It doesn't mean we don't care. It just doesn't mean like. That's a great point. They brought LA to this show. The show used to be a New York show. But that's not real. The LA show. Like, how are you? Of course show. But that's not real, the LA show. Like, how are you?

Of course. Do they fucking care? No, they don't care either. LA's weird. Their priorities are all out of whack. They're like, hey, we have to help everybody,

you know, and then like, they have the most homeless in the country. You're like, what about them? They're like, oh, we're not worried about them.

We're worried about non-binary, whatever. It's the worst homeless because they all have headshots. They still think they're going to make it. 25% of all homeless people are in california well the weather's great and 50 are of california homeless people are in los angeles damn wow yeah how do you like that crazy that's crazy and do you know that 40 of them were in la la land the movie

they can sing and dance they're more talented than our homeless Yeah that's true No it's crazy man you know California's weird Cause I love California San Diego San Francisco I love it LA's weird Well I feel like LA caught up with it's own bullshit You know cause it was all About me me me

And you forgot about the little guy And now the little guy is growing And you don't know what to do. You're overwhelmed. And a lot of people left. Peter Dinklage took growth hormone. That's what happened. But yeah, I'm with you, man. That city really is a little

up his own ass. Oh, yeah. A little. That's why I started catching on fire. They were like, I can't handle this shit. Yeah, that's God trying to save it. Burn this shit down. Get the fuck out out of here how long could you exist there if you guys got a sitcom how long could you i could do it i'd do it like probably two months yeah i can do a month or two months two or three months is that short or long that's short to me i mean because i did five months during the pandemic but that was a pandemic yeah that was the beginning and we kind of didn't

know how i mean that was when people we were still wiping down groceries. We didn't fucking know. We didn't know what was going on. Those were weird times. I mean, so like with my actual life, LA is hard for me for so many reasons. Like it's hard to do the road out of because if you're going to the Midwest, there's the time change. We're going to the East Coast. We work a lot in the East Coast, you know. So the business is technically still out there, but also like we can kind of make our own business.

Yes. We do this podcast. It's going to get more YouTube views. And probably if we do stand up on Fallon, you got that right. Right. Like, and Fallon's like the big late night show.

So you have to think like the way it's good to do everything, but you have to look at the way shit's going. Right. So, um, yeah. And everybody's like, well,

we have the beach. I'm like, but you don't go, we have the beach here'm like but you don't go we have the beach here we don't go i mean it's winter but like we got beautiful beaches the rockaways are great long long beach is great but nobody goes there taylor asked me she's like why don't you ever take me to the beach in new york i was like uh what do we have to bury a body what the hell exactly the beach on the east coast we don't go but it's it beautiful. There's surfers out there doing shit all summer long. We don't go.

So there's a really nice beach called Orchard Beach. It's in the Bronx and it's mostly trans people. Really? Well, that'll go. Interesting. We should go.

We should go. I've never been to Brighton Beach. I'm a New Yorker. I just kind of don't venture out that much. I'm kind of boring. It's the same as Coney Island, just less people. Well, it's Russian Jews over there, right? I kind of want to go there just for the food.

I'm down with that. We should do an episode there. Episode! Road trip, Brighton Beach. Yeah. Get some Russian food, some borscht. I fucking love Russian food, dude. I'll get the beamer out.

We'll do a road trip. Really? We'll film it, yeah. All right, let's do it. We'll do a road trip. Really? Film it, yeah. All right, let's do it. Let's do it, Matt. You get you in, we'll strap you in the hood. We're trying to get through a tunnel. It just keeps hitting.

Well, that's the thing about New York. There's so much variety and different shit and geography that we just don't touch. We have our little hub. We go, I go to 14th to Houston. That's it. Yeah, we have our little hamster trails we go to and then back and that's it. That's it. It's tough. I mean, we kind of get very comfortable in New York. And it's also like, dude,

especially in the winter, it's tough. I know. When it's 10 degrees out, it's like, here's what I do. I do my comedy. I have some soup. Like, what the fuck else? I'm boring as shit. I'm falling asleep over here You read You listen to classical

Some jazz Oh speaking of read I took you up on a wreck Cause you talked about Bernie Brillstein's book Pretty good book right It's great It's an easy read too

I listen to the audio book Oh Because His voice is hilarious Is that right Here's why I read it by the way Our buddy Simon Rex Who's in Red Rocket Which you should all go see.

I got to watch it. I got a copy. Simon Rex texts me. He likes the podcast a lot. And he goes, I loved the Brillstein book you wrecked. And I said, I didn't wreck it. And he goes, Mark did, I guess, then. I was like, oh, I should listen to it then.

He goes, listen to the audio book because his voice is amazing. So I'm listening to it. And goes listen to the audiobook because it's like his voice is amazing yeah so i'm listening to it and i'm like it's so you know an audiobook is good when you can just sit there and listen and not do anything else yeah so true so many good insider entertainment uh audiobooks i mean he's a classic is that him this is him at jim henson's memorial i don't know what this is i pulled it oh yeah he repped j yeah. He repped Jim Henson. Oh, really? Do you want to hear this? Yeah. You read the book.

You know that. I guess I skipped that pitch. Oh, he's riffing. Hold on. Oh, I knew that. I knew that. Told me never to follow the bird. He's killing it at a funeral.

Look at that funeral. My God. So grand. It's like a Schumer gig. Is that the six and I temple? Jesus. I'm Bernie Brillstein. I've been Jim's friend and manager for 30 years.

I got to laugh. In a business where the one who shouts the loudest usually gets the most attention, Jim Henson rarely spoke above a whisper. You had to lean in to hear him most of the time, but it was always worth the effort. David Lazor and I knew how loud his whisper was. David Lazer and I knew how loud his whisper was he was a man with a vision

and though his greatest appeal was the simplest of human emotions the purest of ideas he was not above using with advanced

technological means to achieve his goal except to save his own life my friend Jim was by most definitions a genius with advanced technological means to achieve his goal. Except to save his own life. My friend Jim was by most definitions a genius. But not like Edison suggested. Edison said genius was 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. With Jim, I think it was about 50-50.

I don't think his voice is that weird In the book he's a little older Oh okay So he's like sweating while reading You can tell he's just like And then Those chapters that start like So I say go fuck yourself I mean talk about New York

I mean this guy grew up in New York He meets Elvis Yeah he meets elvis yeah he meets elvis and he still has the photo that story is amazing it's just old show but copacabana all that shit amazing incredible stuff great stuff great story uh texting with gary goldman about it today because gary goldman always our buddy so another wreck yeah the great gary goldman if a lot of people are dealing with depression right now gary's got one of the best specials about it it's funny it's called the great depression last night it's incredible it's an incredible special and gary's an incredible guy

and uh i love him he uh he he wrecks me books all the time because gary is like the most avid reader i know and uh he was talking about this book and we talked about like shanley because he came off kind of bad and gary's like i don't know i kind of side with gary but i heard he was a mixed bag at best i don't know sure it's a great book all right so i appreciate it thanks yeah i'm loving it i'm reading sapiens too and i just found myself going back to brilstein because he's so fun he's so likable, and it's New York fun shit where Sapiens is like, and then the Cro-Magnon went for the stick. And you're like, all right, give me some fun. Density is tough for us because our minds wander, I think.

I do think, like, entertainment is so naturally interesting to us because it's it's our world you know he's talking so much about business and and the evolution of business and how like you know when a guy's in management for 50 years you watch the business change so many times that we're kind of watching that right now so he talks about hbo coming along right and how like he's one of his lines in the book is that you know man lenny bruce would have killed for hbo and you're like that's pretty heavy that's so true you think about that like you die out in the 60s you can't say shit HBO like say whatever you want subscription based services starting even then you can kind of see that

advertised based television was kind of going away it's kind of wrong interesting thought today which was so much of a joke is timing and so much of a joke is timing, and so much of a comic's career is timing. So true. I've had so many agents be like, if you were born in the 80s, you'd be huge.

And I'm like, oh, yeah, maybe you're right. But you've got to cope with whatever time you're in. But also you can make the most of whatever time you're in. You can still figure it. I mean, we're in a weird time because Mark and I are kind of old school comics. You know, like we're not a lot of comics our age have done a lot of late night sets like us. We're kind of cut from that old school cloth. But that's not the world we live in anymore.

So you have to adapt. But like, look, we have adapted. Yeah. Yeah. We're tick tocking. We're YouTube in. We're Instagram and we're trying. We're podcasting. We're trying. We're podcasting.

We're doing what we got to do. Well, what did you mean when you said things are changing? Because I don't think that's what you meant. Well, kind of what he talked about. I mean, the subscription-based model is king now. I mean, it's like cable is king for a while. I mean, you had a show on cable. You were huge, right? Huge.

And now look at cable. I mean, cable's a joke. Now it's like you want to be on netflix or hulu or amazon or hbo or some shit like that you don't want to be on you don't want to be on like you know tbs or comedy central right but in your careers in your just the 15 years you've been doing it comedy has changed the way stand-up comics comics tell jokes has changed it's not your guys are joke guys both of you are joke guys there are complete story guys there are people who are like just

talking about their lives in like a depressing way not goldman i'm talking about like talking about like uh gatsby yeah it's like there's not a lot of jokes here i mean you can tell jokes but she's telling the story of her pain like that's that's not comedy. Right. As you know it. Well, yeah, the doors have been opened also to a lot of new stuff. Yeah. But I think he's saying, you got a Comedy Central special back in the day. You were set.

We both have those. We both have multiple Tonight shows. Doesn't mean moving the needle. So it's changing the way of like, you have to make your own path now. So when Fallon or someone comes to you now, do you drop of like you have to make your own path now so when um fallon or someone comes to you now do you drop everything like you used to you give them the benefit of the doubt you go maybe i will but if they start going you can't do that joke can't do that joke you're like

well this is not even worth it anymore once it's taken up too much of your time you're kind of like i mean the comics don't get the same respect as like they'll have guests or let the like panel guests do whatever the hell they want for the most part but like you so how often do you see like a panel guest like can i say fuck and they already said it like they're messing with the host but then we say like fart and they're just like what you can't say fart yeah people you know that's offensive to our advertisers you know like we're still the bottom feeders over there. So it's kind of like, we've been disrespected our whole career. So you do kind of,

there's a party that's kind of like, I don't really need this. But if they don't make it too hard on you, then it's still fun to do. Yeah, I mean, look, I'll take, you're right, we get disrespected. We're the bottom feeders. We're nobodies of show business.

But I'll take that and be myself. I'd rather be myself than play the game and be more famous. You know, I'd rather, I think comics have a gift and a curse where we get to be honest and keep it real and say some truths in society and call out shit. And then the penalty is you don't get to be jim carrey which i'm fine with does that make sense sure i mean i don't think like i think it's an even trade and i'll take it yeah yeah i mean it's kind of nice to kind of control your own destiny a little bit which i think guys coming

up back in the day like i mark can attest to this you know when we started i remember recording sets on vhs tapes oh yeah you comic strip you send a tape in like i would you didn't now you send a fucking link yeah when i started out it was like here's let me go to the post office let me go to a store where i can make a copy of a tape yeah i have to go to a store to make a copy of a vhs so it's like the game has changed so much i mean i remember in college getting a gig because i like handed someone a dvd of myself it's just so different youtube has changed so much i'm such an old cunt that like i'll have my friend he does video stuff and i'm like can you can you edit this put captains on it and he'll put a graphic in of like i'll say some joke about harry potter

and he's there's a picture of harry potter and i'm like whoa how'd you do that holy shit that was incredible the harry potter thing good for you and i'll put on instagram and i'll get like eight likes i'm like what i got a harry potter meme in there what are you kidding so yeah i'm we're i'm out to lunch i'm old yeah but we're trying to cling on cling on star trek but yeah working on it. We're trying. We're hustling. That's why it annoys me. I can't get a... Can I take you out for coffee and get some tips? I'm like, ah, you're way off. You should be grinding

already. Don't worry about what I'm doing. Go figure it out. Yeah, pick the brain is a weird thing. I hate the pick the brain. It doesn't even sound good. No, it doesn't. It sounds painful. Can I pick your brain? It doesn't sound pleasant. Pick my nose. Get back to work.

Go write something. Get out of here. You're not going to get any tidbits from me. I'll just take you out to lunch. I'll waste my day and go, you got to write a bunch. You got to bomb. You got to hit the road. You got to get on stage.

That's it. It's scary. They just want comfort. I get that. I get it. I try to respond if people are like but you know how many can you respond to yeah because without because the problem isn't just responding to one it's like once you get on the phone it's hard to get back

off and try to write again yeah so it's not just like it's like we'll take 30 seconds to respond you're like right but then that 30 seconds disrupts the flow it's tough so you can set time aside, but it's not easy. But they just want the reassurance. They want the reassurance. You'll be okay. I get it.

I don't know if you'll be okay. It's very tough. Yes. I can't tell you anything. But when people send you like, I had a guy ask me to like go through his notebooks or something. I was like,

I don't have time to do that shit. That's homework. Well, it's just a lot of work. I'm like, if I'm going to do that, that's like's a good job yeah and i hate to say it but there's thousands hundreds of thousands of hours of podcasts about comedy i think that's more valuable go listen to some of that shit than me going out and getting a cup of coffee with you they probably just want to meet you well then that's even weirder i got nothing

for you i'm a grumudgeon i'm a grump i'm a cunt i got nothing for you you're pretty nice all right i try to be nice i'll take a photo with you but that that's not that's not what you need if you really want to be a comedian go go go for it the best way to do it is really just going out and doing the work and us finding you that way is so much more satisfying too isn't it like you know if we're like oh shit this guy's on the show with this guy this guy's funny totally that's satisfying like um i'm watching uh ian laura on stage last night the seller and he's got funny jokes and louis is in the doorway laughing i'm like that's what you want that's what you want is like a comedy legend to be like laughing. Did you tell Ian that? I didn't.

I should. Oh, he'll hear this. Well, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I was. We passed each other as we were going on. So I didn't.

I didn't get a moment to be like, Louie's laughing. I was like literally walking the stage as we passed each other. That would mean a lot to him. He's a real comic. Yeah. So that's big. Yes. But that's how you want to get that shit.

Yes. I think. But it's also like I get the needy and like we were needy, Mark. I mean, we were needy too. I mean, that's just kind of how it goes. You're needy. You're desperate until you're kind of calm. Who's the first person that listened to you like gripe or like gave you anything?

Well, we had each other. We had a lot of we had a big class of losers. Okay. Just like guys who didn't know what the fuck we were doing. But I think it was less. He means big comics, though, I think. Does that mean big comics not like. Oh, sorry.

Allow you to like hang on and be like, whose brain did you pick? Well, I was lucky enough that I was taken out by Schumer, who was his big star. But I also had to play it safe because she's kind of no nonsense. So I had to like not annoy her. But it was so good for you huge that you just kind of socially knew how to handle that yeah but i'll tell you her seinfeld all these comics the main thing i got from them was i'm using you because i can tell you give a fuck i can tell you're trying i can tell you care i can tell you're working hard and you didn't

annoy her and that but I wanted to annoy her. So I think a lot of advice is don't be annoying. Don't bother people. And if we see you're doing the work, that'll come through. Yeah. And that means more to us because it means you give a fuck. You're not just trying to shortcut this bullshit. Yeah.

Do the work. First for me, geez, it's tough. I don't know what the first was i mean gary goldman helped me a lot early on david tell helped me a lot early on amy obviously helped me as well you know it's certain comics just like tom papa tom papa was big for you i remember even greg baron helped early on with you greg bear and tommy john again by the way yeah so certain people you know uh like i remember goldman i opened opened for him on the road just by chance. I remember they asked me to do another weekend.

I was like, I'd rather work with Gary Goldman. I'm a fan of his stuff. And they were like, okay. And so I met him and I got to, and we had mutual friend, Ryan Hamilton, and Gary was very nice. I was very nervous opening for him because I liked his stuff.

Oh, yeah. And it got off. And the second I got off stage, he goes, you're going to be my first rec at the Comedy Cellar. So that was like, that meant, I didn't believe it. I was kind of like, you know, you're so beaten down by the business at that point. You're kind of like, I'll believe it when I see it. But it meant a lot that that was his way of saying I was funny to him.

And he followed through with it. But, yeah, Gary, Dave Attell was very helpful, you know. So I remember we were shooting our doc, Full Capacity, and this didn't make the cut, but we were interviewing Ronnie Chang and he said, uh, I came to New York and I was a wannabe comic. I wasn't at the cell. I was there to watch comedy and I saw Sam and I was like, I know this guy. He's a great comic.

And he said, you really opened up to him and told him about the scene. I don't remember it at all. I really don't remember. I think Ronnie's a great comic and I love him. He's my buddy. You're very kind to him for no reason. I didn't know him.

He was nobody. He was just a guy visiting New York. Well, if you're just cool and chill, I'm kind of just like, what the hell? I'm not hanging out with anybody. But I also like, that's great i mean he's i think he's i love ronnie chang he's like my he's my good buddy now great guy uh and he's and he's such a good comic but i mean um yeah it's funny i remember he said that and i was kind of like you don't remember shit yeah yeah well so much crazy shit all day long every day it all blends together yeah plus asians

you know they look alike but yeah i'm trying to but then he uh but then he this is getting a little sappy no you're right well he's doing it we've been drinking we've been drinking buddy well he uh also uh i can't imagine moving from, I grew up here, so I can't imagine moving from, Ronnie was in Singapore and Australia. I can't imagine coming from Canada. I can't imagine coming from Baltimore. New Jersey, yeah. NOLA, baby.

Yeah, it's terrifying. But talk about starting out and new people. I remember hanging out with Ali Wong, and she was, like, confiding in me. Like, ugh, I'd kill for a credit. Just give me a credit. Just give me, like, a Montreal or you've seen her on the Jay Leno, whatever. I would kill for any credit. Comedy Central.

And then cut to, like, ten years later, she's doing theater. She's the biggest thing on Netflix. You know, moms at offices are like, I love this Ali Wong lady. She's hilarious. Huge. Movies now. And it just, I rewind back to her in the back of Broadway Comedy Club at a Montreal audition going like, I just want a credit.

Just give me something. God, Broadway Comedy Club. We had some rough nights there. Woo! Boy, talk about disrespectful. That's where I got spat on. There you go. You told that story already, but yeah.

And that's when you got into that. It happens. Do you guys want to answer some questions? Yeah, let's do some. Oh, good call. And make sure to email us for our Patreon because we do this all the time on the Patreon at wemightbedrunkpod at gmail.com,

patreon.com slash wemightbedrunkpod. But yeah, let's do some. We do questions. We'll listen to your jokes. email.com, uh, patreon.com slash we might be drunk pod. But yeah, let's do some, we do, we do questions. We do, we'll listen to your jokes. We'll do a cocktail recommendations, peeves,

wrecks, whatever the fuck you want. There's also a special tube here for you guys. Oh yeah. Let's see. We'll check it out. All right. Should we do that now first?

Or should we do this? I'm trying to keep the tube. All right. This is from Sally as a gift. Yeah. All right. All right. Oh boy. Oh boy. Yeah. All right, all right. Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. You really... Be delicate. Be delicate. Ooh. Treat it like the clit mark. Yeah, I can't find it. There we go.

Big papa. It's for the room. Oh, God. Yeah. Whoa. For the room. For the room yeah whoa that's a classic that's good dude wow

where's that India no I had it in Manhattan oh really wow look at that do we get it framed or do we just kind of throw it up like that we go Amazon we'll measure it we can get a frame in here in two days. Oh, man, that's great.

What year is this? This was during the pandemic. That was like six months ago probably. Wow. Well, I'm nervously looking over my set list. Mark's praying to Allah. Yeah, I do it five times a day. Thank you, Sally.

So I got Dylan here with some Mark and Sam impressions. Oh, I can't wait. You all ready? Let's see. Greetings from Boise, Idaho. Here's two jokes. One is Mark, the other one is Sam. So,

the word on the street is that people prefer pedophiles were forced to enlist and fight the war for us. The only issue with that is, who would be running the country? Oh, boy. The oh, boys, spot on. I don't get the joke. But it is like, it's a very cartoony mark. Yeah.

It's not like a dead on, like Mateo or something. A Godfrey, but it's like a cartoony. It's funny. Let's see what you got in store for you. Second one is Sam. Is this true? Certain brands of deodorant cause Alzheimer's. The only problem with that is i couldn't tell

you what brand i've been using he just went into jack nicholson and sam either way embarrass myself but it's funny how people perceive us it is funny it's like uh we don't know ourselves in some way it's like people like i was talking to taylor about this earlier is like she said like we see so many pictures of ourselves that we don't even know how we look that's true because she was talking about how like we get photographed looking really good like done up for a special we get photographed like at some show we wore sweatpants too like we see each other from every bad and good angle. Yeah. That it's hard to have a real perception of ourselves, you know? I agree.

I read some study that said if you saw yourself on the street, you wouldn't recognize. It would take like a double take. Be like, oh, is that me? Oh, shit. Because we also. Well, it's because you're a clone. That'd be weird. But we also see each other the way we want to see each other.

Or see ourselves the way we want to see ourselves. Like, you ever see like a really ugly fat guy in the mirror like oh yeah every day yeah yeah and you're like why is this guy impressed he's hideous but he sees what he wants to see and we kind of we kind of do that with our brains a little bit well mark uh i've been drinking all day and you're looking better and better hey thank you motherfucker looks like pafucker looks like Paul Rudd over here. I'll take it. All right, Paul Mudd. So we have one more here.

Paul Mudd. Jimbo Slice. Nice name. You drink anything inspired by a movie, TV show, and here's his. What up, y'all? Wanted to see what drinks you recommend based off of film or television.

I saw Donald Glover have a French connection in Atlanta. So now on occasion I will drink a Hennessy and Grand Marnier. Let me know what you guys are drinking based off of a movie. Well, I don't know if I've ever done that. It was funny. Esty, the booker, the comedy seller, that was her drink, the French connection. What is that? I've never heard of that.

It's kind of hot, isn't it? Look up the ingredients. It's a hot drink. I think you just said it. Grand Marnier and something? Yeah.ion. What is that? I've never heard of that. It's kind of hot, isn't it? Look up the ingredients. It's a hot drink. I think you just said it. Grand Marnier and something? Yeah. Oh, or is that something else? No, that's it.

Oh, weird. I think you can heat it up a little. Great name, French Connection. It sounds badass. Yeah. Good movie. Great movie. She and Hackman fucking rules.

Popeye Doyle, New York City. And what's his name from Jaws? Roy Scheider. He's great. One and a half ounces cognac, one ounce amaretto. Oh, that's like a black drink. Well, that warms you up. It says fill with ice. It's a black drink.

That's very urban. What does that even mean? Well, it's like a lot of liqueur. It's Glossier, Grand Marnier. I think it's a brown drink. Well, it's brown, but what does that even mean? Well, it's goodbye. They like a lot of liqueur. It's croissier, gray marnier. I think it's a brown drink. Well, it's brown, but what does that mean? I was trying to save you. Oh.

I'm not wrong here. They like a lot of, you know. Hennessy is a cognac, I guess. Hennessy is another cognac. I'm fucking with you. So I like, okay, if something inspired by a show. I mean, look, we've all been guilty of wanting a white Russian because of Lebowski. Ah, good point.

That's a good one right there. I'm thinking, okay, Don Draper loves an old-fashioned. I'm more of a Manhattan guy, but I definitely see him drinking that. I'm like, I can go for it. Certain shows make you want to drink. Certain authors make you want to drink. Yes. It's very, like, as dingy as Bukowski or Hemingway's life could be, their writing does make, they do stylize drunk life.

So that makes you want to kind of drink. You watch Mad Men, they bring in like a tray of like pre-made Bloody Marys. In those, you know. In the pitcher. In the pitcher. It looks cool as shit. It looks great with the fucking celery stalk hanging out the top. Oh, it looks so good. Nothing looks better on TV than a Bloody mirror i got another one i mean you watch sideways who doesn't want to get wine drunk good point good so this is i think a very

good it took me a second to get it now i'm like oh i see what he's saying yeah yeah totally totally never had a martini but when i watched the show mash never never had a martini it's just alcohol right there's nothing in it it's just booze and lime Never had a martini. It's just alcohol, right? There's nothing in it except alcohol? It's just booze and olive juice, basically. Yeah, so it's just like a shot, right? Well, that's a dirty martini, but if you have a dry martini, it's vermouth.

Okay. That's true. When I watch MASH and when they put olives in that martini, I really want one of those. Oh, yeah. The movie, not the TV show.

The movie. Yeah. Well, you know, it's a martini will get you fucked up, and they're good. That's the problem. They're so good, but martini will get you fucked up. And they're good. That's the problem.

They're so good. But it's just straight booze, basically. It's just liquor. It's like just taking shots. And it's in a fancy glass. You don't feel as bad. But you're just a drunk. You're right. That's really what it is.

It's just dressed up. Problem. This is a problem, but it's like a hot lady who's- It's a stripper in a gown. Yeah, there you go. That's a good noir. stripper in a gown. Yeah, there you go. That's a good noir. Stripper in a gown. Okay, we got one from Sadie Mae here.

Oh, I love Sadie. Yo. She's that artist. Not a question, but Tarantino movies ranked most favorite to least favorite, at least top seven. I know there's a lot of them. This is very controversial.

I'm down down my top two are true romance and kill bill well i don't consider true romance a tarantino movie because he wrote it he wrote it okay i see where she's coming from but that's that's fair i mean i'm not gonna top three because we can't do all eight of them whatever he's done all right number one jackie brown number two pulp fiction number three reservoir dogs ballsy but i love i love kill bill All right, number one, Jackie Brown. Number two, Pulp Fiction. Number three, Reservoir Dogs. Ballsy, starting with Jackie Brown. But I love Kill Bill. I love Tarantino. Me too.

You know what? I fucking love Once Upon a Time in Hollywood a lot. I loved it too. It's tough, but that's my gut right there. Go with the gut. Jackie Brown's phenomenal. Yeah, that one hits you. It hits me hard because it's kind of,

no movie of Tarantino's has more heart. Ooh. It's like, I love all of his work. I think he's an incredible filmmaker, It hits me hard because it's kind of, it's no movie of Tarantino's has more heart. Oh. It's like, I love all of his work. I think he's an incredible filmmaker. But I just, there's something about that movie that like it's desperate. Pam Greer is a desperate character. Yes, yes. Robert Forster is kind of a desperate character.

It's his classic thing where he casts people that kind of like, I wouldn't say down on their luck, but they kind of deserve more. Pam Greer, Robert Forster, and it's kind of like iconic roles for both of them. Yeah, Samuel L., Chris Tucker. Samuel L. is so funny. So funny. So funny. De Niro in a weird role. De Niro is a weird De Niro.

Supposed to be Stallone. Is that right? He turned it down. He turned it down? He turned down two Tarantino movies. Why? He turned down Death Proof, too, because he's just like, I got girls. I don't want to be a guy who's picking up women and murdering them.

Okay. He's a character, though, so. I don't know why he turned down Jackie Brown. Interesting. How do you turn down Tarantino? Some people think he's a hack, by the way. I know. I think they all respect him.

I think it's just like, I'm not right. I think it's more like probably their insecurities. Like, I don't think I can do this well. Well, yeah. I don't want to bring up bad blood, but Favreau shits on Tarantino a little bit in Swingers. What does he do? Remember that? He's like, ah, he just bites everything from Scorsese.

And you're like, this is back when Tarantino was so new. And you're like, dude, you don't know what he's going to be. But he went for it. I think that was a joke because they ripped off Reservoir Dogs in that movie. Yeah, no, that was a scene where they all were walking. I remember, but I don't know, it felt real.

And then they ripped off Scorsese. No, no, I think that was kind of... Was that a zing? No, I think they were making fun of themselves. Making fun of themselves.

He shits on him and then they all walk like in Reservoir Dogs so they're ripping off Reservoir Dogs. And then they rip off Scorsese when they do the walking into the bar scene.

Right, or the kitchen. Yeah, the kitchen, sorry. So, you the kitchen. Yeah, the kitchen. Sorry. So, you know, I think that was playful. Okay. But also, Tarantino is like, it's tough. I love all this stuff, but that's what my gut says. That's a good list. But once upon a time, we're talking rewatch factor.

It's so fun. So fun. The fight with Bruce Lee, Brad Pitt is great. The Western scenes with Leo, or when he has that meltdown with the drinking too much. It's so fun. So fun. The fight with Bruce Lee, Brad Pitt is great. The Western scenes with Leo, or when he has that meltdown with the drinking too much. It's incredible. Incredible. So much in that movie.

But my gut says, Jackie Brown hits me. It's better than Pulp Fiction? I didn't say better. It said top for us. I thought that was a question. You gotta go personal. I love Kill Bill. I think Kill Bill's incredible.

Kill Bill's not on it for't kill i didn't say i didn't say jackie brown is a better film than pulp fiction i thought this was our personal i don't consider natural born killers a tarantino movie either he just did the story he didn't even do the script what what uh i think he did the script did he yeah and i think he produced it or something what so okay what do you guys got i I'm going Pulp, then Hollywood, then Reservoir. That's good. Yeah, I'm similar. Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, and then Hollywood.

Really? Jackie Brown, maybe three, I don't know. Jackie Brown's incredible. Hollywood. The soundtrack. Rewatchability, I think I've watched that one the most. The Delphonics. Pulp Fiction.

Oh, my God. So good. And it's also the most romantic. Oh my God. So good. And it's like, it's also like the most romantic. Yeah, yeah. That little like, where they, it's romantic

because it's like Casablanca where they don't end up together. Yes. That's what I love about it. It's like they kind of, you could tell they both liked each other too much to end up together. And Pam Grier's so hot.

So hot. So sexy. But they liked each other so much that they're like, let's leave it here. That's fucking romantic. Yeah, much that they're like, let's leave it here. That's fucking romantic. Yeah, baby. Let's not ruin this.

We just pulled off a heist. What, are we going to go on vacation together and then pick at each other in Spain? Right, good point. They just pulled off the heist of the century. Then they're just hanging out in Maine like, oh, you chew kind of loud. Yeah, good point. Wait a minute. Oh, my Lord.

Yeah, we can't. That's a lot of bosom jesus h christ what are you doing sally we're trying to show here so what are what are honorable what do i mean so you don't put none of you put django or inglorious and near the top three no too far-fetched i agree i like those no i like those i would go uh glorious and d Django. That's probably my next two. So Jackie Brown is nowhere near the top three. I love Jackie Brown, but ah, shit, you're right. I don't like the way Django ends.

It's too shootout-y at the end. What about, are we missing anything? But I do love Inglourious. I love Brad Pitt. I love Christoph Waltz. I mean, come on. He's amazing. I mean, just him alone in that movie puts me, puts it in my top five. love inglorious i love brad pitt i love christoph waltz i mean come on he's amazing he i mean just

him alone in that movie puts me it puts into my top five and i love that he does inglorious as the most hateable character and then does django is the most likable character yes it's kind of a fun spin but what about we saw that in the theater together we did that was fun as hell that was super fun how about um i've never seen the hateful late i gotta watch that it's pretty good yeah i like it it's long it's drawn out but it's good it's all dialogue at the end which is his specialty sam jackson fucking rules oh yeah that guy's just the best i mean you could argue tarantino thrust him into the the celebrity limelight because he was in a couple movies but some Spike Lee flicks.

Yeah, but this really put him up on the top tier. Well, he did that for everybody, though. I mean, he revitalized careers, too. I mean, apparently Michael Madsen turned down Travolta's role in Pulp Fiction. Ooh, big mistake, but I'm glad he did, because Travolta killed it. Travolta killed it. You don't give your lady a foot massage I don't be tickling her or nothing.

Do you ever hear the clip of Michael Madsen on Jim and Sam? They played it for me once when I was on air and Michael Madsen's like talking to Sam Roberts and he's like

what you never hit your woman? He's like what? And he's like you never slap her around ever? And he's like of course not. He goes yeah okay. Like he doesn't believe and you're just like everyone? He's like, of course not. He goes, yeah, okay. Like he doesn't believe. And you're just like, what?

He's that guy, I think. He chewed me out on Jim and Sam. Or opiates. Michael Madsen? Yeah. What'd he say to you? There's a clip somewhere, but I made a joke. And he's like, you want me to slap you in the mouth?

And I'm like, no, thank you. How have you not told this story? I don't know. It was so early in the morning. I was hungover. And I was trying to be funny. And he was like, who is this guy? I'm going to slap him in the mouth.

He said something like that, and I believed him. He has that look where you're like, he will hit me. I wonder if he's not a good guy. No, I think he's all right. He's a great actor. I think he just lives a lot. Old school. Fucking hitting women?

That's old school. I'm not saying it's good. My life is the most beautiful woman. You're like, what? You don't have slaves? I'm old school. Here it is. There's all these actresses nowadays slaves? I'm old school. Here it is. There's all these actresses nowadays who think...

I don't know what point it is. It could be... Is it? Great voice. Oh, great. I go, wow. But I was blown away. I was happy to be there.

They don't even know what beauty is. I mean, you can't touch that. Can't wait for Mark to try and make a joke. A little boring, I remember. She's a lovely lady. I just thought... You guys have been together a while, too. 20 years, a little over 20 years.

Yeah. She has a car. I know it's around there. How'd you meet her? Oh, well. She was in a gay bar. Glory hole? No, I wouldn't go that far.

In fact, if you say that again, I'm going to smack you. gloryhole? No, I wouldn't go that far. In fact, if you say that again, I'm going to smack you. I mean, you can't see it, but in the room he meant it. Oh, I can see it. He was like, I'm going to slap you. How am I telling that story and it takes Mark this long to tell

that Michael Madsen story? You know how many guys have talked about slapping me in the mouth? I've lost track. In fact, they call his mouth the glory hole. But, God damn, dude.

I met Tarantino on that show, too. Wow. Yeah. How was that? Well, he was in like a weird phase of like,

we need to stop the police and black people are getting slaughtered and like, that's kind of what he talked about the whole time. So, I would be like,

what about Jackie Brown? He was like, yeah, yeah. Speaking of Brown, these Brown people. I was like, no, come on. What about Inglorious Basterds? Let me tell you about bastards. All cops are bastards. So I didn't get a lot of movie stuff out of him.

But I tried. But I got a photo with him. Cool dude. Great guy. Yeah. We Might Be Drunk is sponsored by Break Shot Pool. Break Shot Pool is the only pool game on the App Store specifically designed to be played between real-life friends. It's a fun and perky turn-based game and completely non-intrusive.

No annoying ads or forced in-app purchases. We all hate those, right? Oh, yeah. With Break Shot Pool, you can play pool with your friends without needing to be online at the same time when your friend plays you get a notification that it's your turn to play that's kind of cool yeah whenever you feel like it this game is free and in-app purchases are completely optional even if you're not a gamer or even a huge pool fan check it out you'll see how fun it is i love pool love uh i mean i'm terrible at it but you know it's fun great fun game the hustler oh come on the sting i was in when i was like 21 i was in a friday i got a free six-month friars club uh uh membership so i entered the pool tournament i fucking somehow backwards i

even like the hustlers were like you don't know how to play i can tell by your form you don't play but i won like two or three rounds based on luck there you go and then i met like a real guy and he just did away with me but hey pool is great uh it's available on ios and android ios and android can even play against each other you can play with friends no matter what phone they have we we might be drunk listeners who download the game in the next week we'll get a variety of in-game goodies for free to make your experience even better so go to the apple and android app stores and search for breakshot pool that's breakshot one word b-r-e-k-a-k sorry b-r-e-a-k-s-h-o-t and pools in p-o-o-l they know how to spell it probably yeah so that's one more time that's breakshot pool uh you know and mark tell them

how to do it sure that's right folks download the game and play already invite your friends and show off your virtual pool skills the developers are huge fans of the pod thank you and would love to get some we might be drunk fans to connect with this cute game on their phones as we might be drunk listeners you're getting free goodies folks the whole thing is free so give it a try today and for those of you who can see the video this is what the game looks like on the store

check it out and get it now it's a fun one okay we got another question for you oh it's a peeve from Jason Jason peeve slow refills I ordered a Mountain Dew and it comes with free refills when my cup is empty that means I ordered a Mountain Dew and it comes with free refills. When my cup is empty, that means I want a refill. Keep them coming. I completely

agree, JJ. We have this with coffee at a diner. You're like, hello, I'm an addict. Keep it coming. What are you doing? It's an empty cup here. Maybe the waitress is doing you a favor. She's like, how many Mountain Dews do you need? I mean, this is a fucking... How many are you going to have? That's a lot. That's a good point, yeah.

Coffee makes sense. Coffee, like I need the you going to have? That's a lot. That's a good point, yeah. Coffee makes sense. Coffee, like I need the caffeine. I guess Mountain Dew's got caffeine. Well, coffee's better for you than Mountain Dew. I remember doing a road gig with Joe List in like 2011, and he was pounding Mountain Dews. And I'm not going to lie, I judged him a little bit. I don't blame you. I was like, Mountain Dew?

That's white trash nectar. Yeah, that is bad news. Mountain Dew, it's just sugar and horse shit. Yeah, that's bad. It does taste good. It's great. And it's great with a cocktail, by the way. I mean, you think that's white trash.

You ever see someone drink a Surge? Woo! It's been a minute. Holy shit. Surge people look at Mountain Dew people like, all right, mister. That's true. I saw that once.

I left the trailer. I had to get out of there. There's a nexus between this question and the last one, and it's Steve Buscemi in Reservoir Dogs when he says, this waitress, I'm not giving her a tip because I've been here a half hour and she only refilled my cup six times. Oh, that's right.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, what a psycho. And then, like, you got a tip. And then they go, that's such a great scene. The dialogue, the Madonna stuff. That was great. great yeah tarantino does fucking rule he rules i mean just saw so much so many movies that he just has this ah great benjamin larkin an update on the whiskey maybe no rush it's just been a while since i've heard anything about it well ben i'm sorry apparently when you hire lawyers to do this stuff and you want to get not completely fucked in the deal it takes a long long time yeah who

knew the red tape is real the fine print the the legal stuff it's a nightmare it's annoying i you know mark and i we're in a career where we get instant kind of feedback right from the crowd so we know and that's kind of what we get used to so when you deal with business stuff it's pretty i mean you did a netflix half but before that we you know we're doing youtube so it's all on our terms it comes out when we want we're not dealing with any red tape so when we deal with any it's fat cat's been a it's been an uphill battle so we apologize for the wait we were way too optimistic and yeah it's still hopefully gonna come out but god damn is it taking long i know i had a lady asked me about it last night so it's coming but i do feel like the distributor is dragging his feet a little but yeah yeah yeah let's give his address and see if people

want to bother him yeah people want it it's a nice it's nice that people actually care diana hernandez peeve calling me but not leaving a voicemail. I'm not going to call you back unless you tell me what you want. And just text me, you freak. Yeah. She's got a point. It's true. The voicemail is big because it's like every time I get a phone call,

I assume I'm in trouble or something bad happened. Oh, I can attest to that. Every time I call him, just out of the blue, he says, not hello, he says, uh-oh. I'm nervous. But if you leave a voicemail, I can go, oh, I left my socks at your bedroom. The only other person that calls him is the STD clinic, that's why. Exactly. Uh-oh.

No, I'll tell you, man, I'm with you. I tried to do a topical joke the other night about the movie Scream. You know, about like now he calls the people and they're much younger so they're just like i don't know this number i'm not picking up you know it's a whole angle he's waiting to be like i'm in the house i don't answer they're like we don't text me if it's important right you know but uh it's like i'm with you i don't pick up i don't know the number i almost never pick it up and if i don't know it's rare that you pick it up and it's good news true never like you left a shitload of money in this diner come meet it's always like hey we need your uh 1099 or like hey uh this is the irs you owe us uh forty thousand dollars it's always some horse shit i know and you can't get off the phone i had a call the other

day i was like you know what fuck it i'm an adult i'm answering this and it was chase bank and they're like we have some great options for you you should come in and sit down with us and i was like oh i'm at the hospital i gotta go they're like okay here call me back at the time and i'm remembering like what am i doing why am i answering this call like this guy is trying to get me to come into chase bank like i should just hang up on the guy right what do you do they always get you at your lowest yeah you're never you're never like getting your dick sucked like let me see who this is let me it's always some fucking i'm bored i'm hungover i'm like all right and they get old people they prey on old

people because all people like the landline rings are like hello and they're like you should buy a home in tahiti they're like maybe i should it's pretty criminal it's a timeshare yeah what happened to timeshare i feel like i heard that that term a lot in the 90s i think it's just a dumb deal what's a fucking timeshare everything's a times the world's a fucking timeshare am i right people i think airbnb maybe i've taken that space i don't i'm not staying in airbnb yeah really you like a hotel fuck the air like which are you more likely for them to videotape? Yeah. They got a camera in there. They're watching

you jack off. That's hot. Watching you stick their airbrush in your butthole while you're doing it. Yeah. Am I trying to get sued? I don't know. I've stayed in some bad Airbnbs. What are you thinking? Well, I was young and it was like $60 versus $120. So I was like, versus 120 so i was like all right i'll go in the cheap hotel i would stay in those shitty ass days in motel type of thing i should

have done that that's better i would i'd never also it's like such a headache to fill out you're filling out all these forms for an airbnb i know it sucks and then nothing worse than showering and other people's you know shampoo bottles and loofahs there you're like what am i doing oh i just realized you guys don't vacation that's why you don't do this when you go on vacation you have an actual you know family you go out your airbnb you don't stay i went on my first vacation late december i did a nice little uh resort thing i'm not airbnb sketch me out i don't like staying in someone's house hotel shit is set up for you it's set up for a visitor a house or like don't do this because this will for a visitor. A house, they're like, don't do this

because this will fall over and then this will happen. You're like, what do I have to learn a whole fucking new place? Yeah, the dog comes in at six. We walk the dog. We won't even bother you.

It's your place. He's going to lick your asshole while you're sleeping. He's friendly. He likes you. Wait, so why do you get an Airbnb with the family? Because staying in a hotel is so impersonal.

Oh, you want a house. You have a yard. Your kid can run around. He can only get hard when he's looking at photographs of a family. Yeah. What does the kid think? Is he weirded out? No, no, yeah.

All right. He watches. Well, it's just weird when you got yeah there's family photos of people skiing and in lake tahoe and it's not your family it is weird hey but that's what i do with my wallet you know uh i mean it is i'm not a big fan of the airbnb i don't i don't like it and uh interesting i remember i did it once uh during the pandemic i was gonna do like the very beginning i was doing phoenix and end up getting canceled but like i was like fuck it i'm doing phoenix i'm doing it right i'm getting a i'm gonna have some

fun i'm getting a house with a basketball court in a pool whoa and i and then i was like i had to cancel the gig so i'm just like oh they just gave me like only some of the money but i'm like this is why you do a hotel i hate corporations but they give you a refund they give you a refund. They give you a refund. You're right. You know who's not giving you a refund? Martha. But hotel sex is great. We can all agree. But sex in someone else's house, that's a lot of fun. Is it?

Oh, I look at the photos. I'm like, look at that t-shirt. I put it in front of her while I go doggy. I don't know. I've had a couple great Airbnbs in LA, like up at the Hills. You get the Hollywood Hills or whatever that is. Laurel Canyon. Had some great nights in those B&Bs.

Yeah. And there's a fireplace. There's something to it. Love a fireplace. Love a fireplace. Fireplaces are fun, man. And I'm not going to lie. I've eaten a lot of people's food at Airbnb.

They leave it out. He won't eat this. And I'm like, oh, I'm eating it. You eat their food? Oh, they leave it out. Like, he won't eat this. And I'm like, oh, I'm eating it. You eat their food? Oh, I eat their food. I love when I stay in a comedy condo back in the day and another comic was there before you. And you just guess where they were from by the shit in the fridge. You'd be like, almond milk, LA act.

Yeah, so true. Yeah, yeah. Sardines, Canadian. That's so true. Yeah, I eat all that shit too You would eat the shit in the fridge You don't know how old that is You sniff it So when I sit down at a table

At the cellar with Mark, just like Let's sit down here, and there's a bowl of borscht Speaking of sniff, sorry, I'm listening No you're not A bowl of borscht So, yeah, we'll sit down at any random table at the cellar, and they're like, let's clean this table up for you. And Mark's like, no, no, I'll finish this up.

And he just eats somebody's borscht. Aha. Yes. What do you mean, aha? That's insane. That's the COVID vaccine. I get a little of it in me. It cures me.

I'd never get sick. You don't ever get sick. No, no. It's interesting. And I think I had Omicron, but it was two days. I shit get sick. You don't ever get sick. No, no. It's interesting. And I think I had Omicron, but it was two days. I shit it out, back to normal. I think I had it too. Is it the diarrhea in December?

It's like... The body aches are the real, like those muscle aches. That's really the telltale. But I always ache. I'm a whiner. Ah, true. You do ache. I got a good...

Speaking of aches, I got a good rec for you. Oh, hit me. So I went to physical therapy the other day. There's an old lady there. I'm fucking trying to remember her last name. I think I could figure it out if you want to look her up. Like an actress? Yeah.

She's in her 80s. And she's just chatting me up. She's a character. You know any movie she's in? Jane Fonda. I'm going to look up her name. It's Marilyn something. It's Marilyn Manson.

Sokol. S-O-K-O-L. So she's at physical therapy with me. It's Marilyn Manson. Sokol. S-O-K-O-L. So she's at physical therapy with me. And I think I'm allowed to say this, right? This is fine. Oh, yeah. She's familiar.

She was on Sesame Street. She starts doing Sesame Street jokes. Whoa. And she's doing the voices and shit. And we just chat. I guess my therapist told her I was a comic. So she's like, you should talk to Sam. He'll like you.

And we chat. She's a character, man. She's making me laugh. She goes, I was a comic. So she's like, you should talk to Sam. He'll like you. And we, you know, she's a character, man. She's making me laugh. She goes, I got a joke for you. And you know, usually you dread this moment, but I could kind of tell it'd be funny coming out of hers. Yeah. But the joke she tells me, she's a woman in her eighties. She goes, so a guy's trying to fuck his wife.

She goes, I can't have sex with you. I'm seeing the gynecologist tomorrow. And he goes, oh, I'm sorry. Do you have a dental appointment too? That's a joke she tells me so i'm like so part of my record is like talk to people it's important to talk to people for your brain i think sometimes this pandemic has made us so inward and i think the twitter shit is so toxic you're just you're just kind of in your head assuming the worst it's good to talk

to human beings so anyway i look her up afterwards because i'm like i'm curious she's in a lot of shit yeah look at this imdb list is crazy she's in the front with woody allen front i made you watch that that's a great movie movie about communism one of the only times you hear woody allen say go fuck yourself that's right and zero mostel that's a classic yeah sesame street law and order uh wow barney miller sex in the city there it is yeah she's been around good character pretty cool yeah she was very very nice and cool so that's a good wreck i agree people are kind of like movies like give them a shot you know you can turn it off in 10 minutes or you can get the fuck out of there with a person but sometimes you meet crazy fun

interesting people and they give you a tidbit you would have never known. Yeah, that's important. I'm going to wreck. Now, see, we've done two Sesame Street references. I watched the Sesame Street doc. I think you've wrecked this before. I could be wrong. Yeah, you might be right.

Matt Peters, has he wrecked it before or no? Okay, maybe you just wrecked it to me in person. Maybe, yeah. Okay. Very interesting. Very cool. Talk about the industry. A bunch of centers in Alabama tried to shut it down because they had a lot of black people

on the show. Very interesting doc. I love the beginning. You might have... Is it a Jim Henson doc or a Sesame Street doc? Sesame Street. Oh, I think you wrecked a Jim Henson doc to me. Oh, maybe.

Maybe. That might have been it. Yeah, I like Henson. He's great. Is that it, Mark? Street gang? How we got to Sesame Street? That's it. Yeah, really really cool and just starting from scratch it was like a show show and they did

all these tests with kids and the kids were just like puppets more puppets so they're like all right fuck the show we're just going all puppets wow and they did all these focus groups just like jeff dunham yeah exactly and uh really interesting like from scratch, didn't know what the hell they were doing, and figured it out, and then became the biggest show on the planet. Wow. Cool doc. I love the story. That's why I like the Brillstein book, because I love the beginning of everything.

Because everything is huge had a beginning. Elvis Presley had a beginning. Everything started from somewhere. Michael Jackson. Everyone had to pay dues. Everybody. everything started from somewhere. Michael Jackson, you know. Everyone had to pay dues. Everybody. Everybody got yelled at.

Everybody got rejected. Dr. Seuss was rejected 11 times, and he became a rabid anti-Semite. So, yeah, you got to start somewhere. Is that real? Roald Dahl. Roald Dahl, big anti-Semite. He could imagine a fucking big, freckly giant, but not a friendly Jew, apparently. That was his problem.

That's true. What are you, a chocolate factory? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. The Jews went in, they said it was too drafty. But yeah, yeah.

So I love the origin story. So great, great little doc there. James and the giant peach. They go, you call this a peach? A giant? What are you kidding? Look bigger in the pictures.

That's all I'm saying. Woo, you got a peach? A giant. What are you kidding? Look bigger in the pictures. That's all I'm saying. You got a bit? Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Good bit really seems to care. Here we go with a bit. Did we do a peeve?

Did someone else's peeves, I believe. I got one peeve. I just gotta get this out and I'll leave it alone you ever have this one guy goes meet me at the coffee shop at 2 I go I'll be there he hits me up at 1.40 where are ya I'm on the way to the coffee shop

oh alright alright I'm like we said 2 right yeah 2 well then why the fuck you yelled at me it's not even 2 yet yeah you say I'm here early so if you happen to be in the neighborhood come see me now but yeah yeah the expectation that you just be there early exactly 20 minutes early i was like you're an early guy too i try to get there early but you're very punctual i'm very punctual i pride my dad was terrifying if i was late so i'd be be beat it into me it's even worse to your sister but uh yeah so i i got i got the where are you

i'm like i got 20 minutes yeah weird yeah it bugs me a little bit yeah i'm also always like these days in the winter i'm always a little later just because you feel like you gotta grab more it takes a little longer to get ready the summer you're just throwing shorts and you run out but right it's 10 degrees the other night you're throwing on you're like yeah i'm gonna layer up yeah and i have a subconscious thing where when it's cold out it takes me a little longer to get out there because you're you're kind of nervous you're dreading it a little you're dreading it it's like jumping into a cold pool you're just kind of exactly the hot tub you just you're right in jump right in yeah you ruin you ruin their vacation me and me and a married couple yeah fuck your airbnb we got uh i don't yeah i got i think i

got a bit i got a couple bit i don't know if i've ever done this one on this show matt peters let me know if uh if i done this one i i saw a bumper sticker it said i got an abortion i'm proud and i was like proud have i done this well i was just like you're proud like i feel shame when i jack off are you proud of an abortion like i'm for a woman's right to choose it's just a weird thing to be like proud of right so i'm thinking of other angles where it's like well the government has never tried to stop you from masturbating i'm like well that's not true there was one time i was five hours at the dmv i don't know i got like a better ending but like the government has never i hear that the government has never tried to stop you

from masturbating well she only killed one potential kid, and you killed a million potential kids. That's true. And at the DMV, if you jerk off, that is a form of ID. That's a good tag. That's a good tag, yeah. Technically, they tried to arrest me, but I said, you know, technically, that is my DNA. There you go. Technically, that's...

That's more than a passport. That's better than a driver's license. Yeah, that's perfect. All right. Take it. Is that maybe something? Yeah, something there that all right what do you that's not hitting that's no it's something it just needs more it needs like another thing it's part of a bigger abortion chunk and like that's a funny sentence my fetus chunk yeah i like the dmv angle that's a good point. That's funny. Yeah, an abortion. Hot button.

I was in Texas. I did some abortion jokes, and you could feel the heat. I love it. Yeah. Yeah, I was doing some in Texas, too. I loved it. What was that one you had there that was really good? Oh, the freedom?

Yeah, across the border. I said to a guy, I said, what's your favorite part about Texas? I said, freedom. I said, yeah, the freedom to drive to Oklahoma to get an abortion. That's what I said. Got a pretty good laugh. Cuts deep? I said, yeah, the freedom to drive to Oklahoma to get an abortion. That's what I said. Got a pretty good laugh. Cuts deep. But then, yeah, it was fun. What do you got, Mark?

This bit's a little long-winded. I think it hits once, and it bombs once, and it hits once, and it bombs once. So maybe you guys can help me out. Basically, I talk about how the phone is supposed to make life easier. It makes my life way harder because everything you have to have a login a password a pin number uh you know all this shit and it's all the shit i need i can't get into bank account health care car insurance all this shit i can't get into because of the phone because i forgot my password but all the shit i don't need in life is very easy to get prostitute right on the corner you never go up to a prostitute like hey

can i you want to get in the car she's like you got an account with us like no no she's like you gotta download snapchat like ah or snatch chat or whatever it's such a good point you want to vax you want you want to get a covid test you got to fill out a form you got to uh get the uh whatever you call it the scan thing scan code qr code you want some crack right here yeah that's the joke i go up to a coke dealer and I'm like, hey, can I get it? He's like, you got an account? I'm like, no, but I use you all the time. He's like, what's your mom's maiden name?

I'm like, I just want a bump. He's like, how many of these are fire extinguisher? I'm like, ah! But it needs more. I can see when I'm doing it, the crowd is like, okay, okay, but it's not really there yet. Something about like meth. Like you're missing your teeth. And you're like, this is my ID. You know me.

Oh, yeah. You ain't got no teeth. Facial recognition. Yeah, facial recognition. I don't understand the conceit of the joke. I understand your examples. I don't understand what the heart is. The heart of it is bad stuff is easy to get.

Shit I need, like health care and all that, you have to fill out forms and have an ID and have a pin number and a login. And like- Dunkaroos are right there for you when you need them. Junk food, Haagen-Dazs, fast food, very easy to get. It is harder to be healthy is really what it comes down to. Yes, and responsible. Like I had a car insurance issue recently and they were like, what's your number?

And I was like, oh, hold on, let me get the app. By the way, you have car insurance but you don't have health insurance? Well, car insurance issue recently, and they were like, what's your number? And I was like, oh, hold on, let me get the app. By the way, you have car insurance, but you don't have health insurance? Well, car insurance. You care more about your car than yourself. Well, the car, they arrest you if you don't have it. Health insurance, they don't. I wouldn't have car insurance if it wasn't a legal thing. Mark's going to be the richest guy to get into a car crash and have a GoFundMe.

For my body. The car will be covered. I don't have collision. But my point is it's easy to get bad shit. Shit you need and you're supposed to have and legal shit is very hard to do. That's my point. It's a funny premise.

Yeah. So the point is you go up to a Coke dealer and here's a 20. Boom, you're golden. But car insurance are like, what's your account? What's your VIN number? All that shit. I'm out.

They don't want to give you a second to second guess the bad decision. Ah, right. Because then you won't get it. Yeah, no one's filling out a form for Coke, right? No one's filling out like, you're getting a prostitute. That's like, you could change your mind a second yeah you don't want to rethink the bad thing i think that's i think that's the that's a good point with other stuff with car insurance you're like well i could get hurt right they want you to overthink that and they make it a law. Yeah. You have to have it.

Huh. Okay. I'll keep noodling. The joke's like 80%. I just need to tweak and retool. Tweak, dude. Yeah. So it's getting there. I will say a lot of the drunks at home have been giving me some tags.

Pretty solid. Oh, yeah? Can you think of one? Can you think of a good one? No. But I get a ton. And and i'm like some of you're like this is horrific don't ever call me again you're like that's not bad yeah the comments are great on your youtube page very creative listeners it's funny sean padden i saw him last night he

goes man you're the fans of your show are so creative and i was like they really are it's like they're it's inspiring to us man and look at the picture behind you that was drawn by a fan or painted by incredible we're very lucky we appreciate you guys very much well we love the arts we love broadway music we love jazz we love movies so i love it man we love you guys uh plug some dates dude oh and listen to listen to the patreon patreon.com slash we might be drunk pod email us at uh we might be drunk to Patreon. Patreon.com slash WeMightBeDrunkPod. Email us at WeMightBeDrunkPod at gmail.com. We love you. Hear, hear. I'm all over the place.

MarkNormanComedy.com. Check it out. Check out the stand-ups on Netflix. The Half Hour's doing well. Tag me and tag Netflix just so they know that there's a buzz. Columbus, Ohio. I'm doing a theater in Raleigh, a theater in Cleveland. All kinds of fun stuff.

La Jolla, Tampa, Omaha, Kansas City, Sacramento. A lot of fun stuff cooking. Chicago this summer. Providence this summer. A lot of good stuff. Check it out. Out to lunch. Hit them.

Huntsville, Alabamaama hartford connecticut la jolla sacramento um what else do i have uh orlando west palm columbus salt lake city um and the big one may 7th oh yeah may 7th beacon it's's selling. It'll be sold out soon, so keep buying it. Whoa, look at that. That's a milestone. Nashville, Tennessee, Albany, all that bullshit. Toronto, samorell.com slash shows. Get on it. Who does your website?

Because I might have to get them to do mine. Really? It's my agent. Caitlin does it. Really? Yeah. Oh, shit. I've got to get my agent on that.

Oh, I'm at the dania improv too we got all the same dates oh yeah dania that's right yeah i'm at west palm we're circling each other yeah i'm all over florida so oh miami i'm doing miami again so uh yeah tell a friend spread the word get on the patreon keep drinking send us whatever you got we'll take it thanks to the beer juice sally peters peters we love you gotham studios you take it. Thanks to the beer juice, Sally, Peters. Peters, we love you. Gotham Studios, you're the truth. We love being here.

Hell yeah. Yeah, keep listening, guys. We appreciate you. Thanks for the Teddy Grahams, and shout out to Antoine's Cookies for the fucking killer stuff. I'm hooked. These candles, some hangover candles.

Oh, yeah. We love you. You know we love you because you guys aren't paying us, but you're sending us your shit, and we love it, so we're plugging it. Hell yeah. All right. Keep it real. Bye. you know we love you because you guys aren't paying us but you're sending us your shit and we love it so we're plugging it hell yeah alright keep it real bye

comedy The Terima kasih telah menonton! Thank you.