We Might Be Drunk - Ep 64: Judy Gold & Mexican Mules

Episode Date: February 28, 2022

We are joined by Judy Gold, visit https://judygold.com/ https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com/store Mexican Mule: Tequila Ginger Beer Lime Support the show and get 10% off your first month of online therapy at BetterHelp.com/Drunk Support the show by going to geologie.com/DRUNK and take their free skincare quiz to save up to 50% off on your 30 days trial Support the show and get 20% off with the code DRUNK at SheathUnderwear.com   http://marknormandcomedy.com/ and https://www.sammorril.com/shows for more details! Join the Patreon for bonus episodes weekly and more bonus content: Patreon.com/WeMightBeDrunkPod Send us emails [e-mail] Send us mail: Gotham Podcast Studio 39 West 38th Street, 10th Fl New York, NY 10018

We might be drunk, we might be drunk, as long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit, pep heaps, wrecks, and a bit, maybe drunk. We might be drunk, yeah. Hey folks, here we are, we might be drunk. We are back. You got your NPR outfit on. That's nice. I love the sweater. It's the winter, baby. You got to dress warm.

It looks good. You give a cocktail and a pipe and a nice chair. That's a good look. And we are joined by our lovely guest, Judy Gold. Lovely? Yes. New York legend. I love you guys.

Hard working comics. My prediction is we break a peeve record with you in this episode oh please because you you have a lot

you're a classic New York Jew you have a lot of peeves I just I fucking hate people like everyone's an asshole and then this pandemic you know what it made me realize you know how like

people are like what was good about the pandemic you know and I'm just like oh shut up the one thing i realized like not not hanging out with my friends and then all of a sudden hanging out with them again oh i'm like i hate you you know what i mean like you're so boring you repeat the

same thing you talk about yourself like right i can't believe i spend so much time with you there was so much build- for The Hang, too. Right, right, right, right, right. When we hang and then the anticipation. Oh, yeah, can't wait to get together. And then you're like, ew. It's like when there's a new Spider-Man movie. You're like, another Spider-Man.

Then you see it, you're like, eh. It's the same shit. Wait, Ben, my son, and his girlfriend said it was the best Spider-Man movie ever. I haven't seen it. I have heard it's good. But there were like four bad ones in between, weren't there? I've given up. There's too many.

It's like when your friend keeps changing genders. I'm like, I'm out. Too many. So that's your peeve is like you saw friends, and it's not even like you're seeing them under great circumstances. Right. Right. But it's also like I think people stop putting up with shit. Like you realize, wait, I don't have to do that.

Right? I don't have to do that. I don't have to do this. This is way more fun than that. Like, you just, like, oh. Well, everything's remote, too. No one goes to the office anymore. We're like, we don't have to do that?

Right. Fuck it. And it changed the whole world. Right. And that's a good example of what you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah, nobody wants to go anywhere. I know.

I got so fucking lazy. Didn't you guys get lazy? We got real lazy. Like, I would check my computer in the morning, like, and if I had anything to do, I was like, oh, fuck. It's tough. I have to put on a bra. Like, you don't have to worry about that shit. Mark says the same thing.

He's in the cross-dressing. They're looking good, though. Thank you. I got a nice A, minus. Thank you. Should we do a drink now? Oh, my God. Beer Jew.

We love you, man. Thank you. All right. Today, we're going to have... Just as you want to go for tequila, we're going to do kind of just like a classic Mexican mule with a little bit of Blanco tequila. There we go. A little nice ginger beer and a little bit of blanco tequila. There we go. A little nice ginger beer and a little lime.

Oh, I like that. Is that okay? You said not sweet. I hate fucking sweet. Exactly. It's a little spicy. But ginger beer is good. Ginger beer is good.

We have nice ginger beer. We have fir tree here today. Not a lot of sugar. Just like a little kick and that's it. A little lime. Yeah, I don't want fucking fruit in my fucking, you know what I mean? Syrup, all that shit. I'm with you.

Like, no. No, I want to see a kick. It's so girly and like fucking, I don't, yeah. What are your drinks? Like, you get potato vodka, tequila. I love potato vodka. Do you like potato vodka? I love potato vodka. It's much smoother. It's so much smoother. Is that kettle one no it's

like chopin or belvedere any any polish vodka yeah um and it's so smooth there's this one called 1857 have you heard of it yeah so they make it in upstate new york on a potato farm and they have like um you know they'll do like purple potatoes they'll make it out of all and it's so fucking good we gotta get that yeah i was gonna bring you a bottle i totally fucking forgot like i forgot my book fuck potato fuck is the only booze irish people won't drink they're like potato that is fucking good not bad wow this ain't a game judy he's a mixologist you know judy when i heard you were coming on i was like all right all right, I'm not going to make any fruity or sweet drinks. We're going to go straight for a classic mule. It's really good.

He's a pro. There you go. This is incredible. And Judy said you were cute, which is a lot for a lesbian. And you're adorable. Thank you. I try. Yeah.

And he's a mixologist. He makes literally the best drink. Cocktail architect. Do you work at a bar or anything? Yeah, I work at a few different bars. And I work for a mixology company called Liquid Lab. Wow, that's so cool. Yeah.

You should see his sex tape. Hey. All right. So what else is bothering you? How about how I went like that that was hot you can see a sex statement i'm like yeah bring it on what else is bothering you anything else oh okay last night pull up the note am i even putting this down because i'm gonna drink the whole fucking thing okay i have so many things that are pissing me off but last night i did this gig right it was i was hosting an award show at a retreat you know for

like employees and first of all the driver who was so nice i wasn't even gonna tell you this but this is so fucking you okay we're driving there and he's like oh i got the radio i got it sirius xm whatever you want i i was like i don't care because I'm like talking on the phone and shit. Yeah. Where is it taking you? Where is it getting you? It was at the City Winery in Hudson Valley. Oh, wow.

Hudson Valley? Yeah. It was all their employees from all over the country. Hudson Valley is beautiful. Beautiful. Stunning. Right. But you know on the thruway, the exits are like a half an hour apart, right?

Oh, boy boy so we're driving and um i didn't really give a shit about the radio but then all of a sudden he changes the station and it's tom papa and i go i can't i can't he's my friend i can't and then he turns another station it's raw dog i go no no it's bobby kelly it's just people you know so he reaches for the stereo right and he as he's turning the dial he hits the brakes and i realized he missed the fucking exit and the next exit is fucking three hours away it was like half an hour so we had to go to new paltz and then fucking turn around and i'm just like yeah right all right so then i do

this gig it was real it was actually really fun because you know when you don't have to do stand up and you could just riff yes and you're just like well let's not act like that's nothing you know a lot of people want to do their act because the riffing is terrifying well the riff it right exactly and for me it's yeah i know you're the same way i don't know how if you're that way what with the riffing i yeah i riffle i get so bored with my act right so i have to yeah but but for me i get excited about like i'm like really like if someone gets off stage and says they suck like for me I'm like yes like it's such a challenge like I fucking love that really I'm I don't like that I love that because if it I feel like it's more pressure if someone gets off before you and is like oh they're fucking great good point good point they get off they're like smell my finger right

that was amazing no it's the worst I mean I'm with you i and you are fun to watch for a bad crowd oh i fucking love it it's my favorite the best um so and it's so interesting because i still haven't gotten to the peeve but whatever the the um you know you know how everyone's doing like crowd work albums and I'm doing like when I started in the 80s, I would do I emceed a lot when I first started because I wanted to be really comfortable on stage. Which were the rooms you emceed in? Oh, my God. Comedy U Grand. Comedy U? Yeah, it was called Comedy U.

Paul Herzog ran that, right? Yes. Oh, my God. That's where Attell went on stage for the first time. I was standing in the back. I was on singing. Wow. Yes.

Yes, he had hair. He was an NYU student. He came in. He went on. I remember he had this fucking hilarious joke about, oh, everyone has anorexia now. It was right when everyone was saying they have anorexia. Yeah. Because the other day I was walking by.

I don't. This is not the exact wording, but I was walking by Macy's. I was walking by Macy's and in the window was a mannequin with her finger down her throat. It was fucking. And I go, and he got up and said, remember, I was like, you were so fucking funny. He's like, no, not him. I fucking love these guys. That's great.

Yeah. So I used to emcee. The first year I did stand up, I started when I was 19. But the first year I did, I couldn't talk to the audience. I was too scared. And then everyone's like, just, you know, be. And so emceeing. And that was when the emcee was respected.

Oh, really? You know what I mean? It wasn't like, we're going to take the least seasoned comic and make them the emcee. The first thing the crowd sees is a newbie. Right. The backbone of the show. Also, if you emcee, you learn how to bring a crowd back, deal with any shit that goes on in the room. You can isolate your bits.

That was the best part. I could be like, oh, I got to do a couple minutes because this one fucking bombed. Sure. And you could take your bits and they would stand alone, you know? Anywhere in the show. Right. And I remember when I started and I would hang out at Catch and like Belzer would be an MC. Richard Belzer?

Yes. Whoa. How Richard Belzer? Yes. Whoa. How old are you? 59. You look great. But Belzer, you know, all the MCs at Catch, they would start at like 8 o'clock and go to maybe 1130 and then they'd have a late night MC. And the show went on until like 2 in the morning.

That sounds like a horrible gig. Oh my God. People were there. There was a band. It was really a magical time. and the show went on until like 2 in the morning oh my god people were there there was a band it was really a magical time I'm telling you and Belzer was an incredible MC I heard yes but the MC was the star of the show it was like their show

and they fucking got rid of that and you know I'm sorry but it is the most important they set the tone I like when the MC the mc i think in other places they respect that more but like canada but yeah but when you exactly but when you see a host like like uh atelda that thing the insomniac tour and he hosts it right i think there's something cool about being like i'm introducing all these comics this is my show right and that's the way it used

to be and like i i think within a couple years ago i i hosted something at the village underground i don't know who it was it was jeremy or red or or liz i don't know who someone was there is like oh my god and i'm like i used to mc all the time you know it it you feel what and as a comic you feel like wow this audience is ready to listen um but here's the problem they go you want to host tomorrow you go fuck no no but it wasn't like here it was like you it wasn't easy to get from one club to another like to be able to get on stage all night that's a good point you know um and plus for women like they never put more than one woman on a show if they

put a woman on a show so i was like i just want fucking stage time i don't care so the other hosts were like joy behar right and joy and suzy aspen um i learned so much from watching them um who who were the male hosts back in the day who we might know cohen oh mark mark cohen definitely for sure mark cohen's got one of the best jokes i've ever heard where he says uh you know a cop knocks on a guy's door he says we're looking for a rapist the guy goes all right i'll see what i can do that's an incredible joke that's the best kind of misdirect such a such a funny yeah i love mark cohen who So Mark Cohn, who else? Oh, my God.

Who else? You got to start naming people. I remember Ray. Ray used to come. Romano? Oh, my God. He would emcee? No, but he would come to the show at Comedy U Grand.

And his wife, Anna, would be. I was friends with Anna. And she would be like. He was delivering futons at the time, I think, and she was like, I mean, how long can he continue to do this? I want to have a family. Wow. And I was like,

hilarious. Yeah. Wow. You never know. Oh my God. Michael Chiklis. You know Michael Chiklis? What? The Shield? He was the bartender at Comedy U Grand, right? What chiklis shield he was the bartender at comedy u grant right oh my god he was the nicest guy so and you know the mc hangs out we hung like that was the other thing we hung you gotta hang so michael was the mc and he had this girlfriend and and uh he really loved her

and her father convinced her to break up with him because, oh, he's just a bartender actor. Right? Yeah. And he was so depressed. And then he got this John Belushi part in a movie. And he left and became, you know, this. And I remember thinking. And one of the hotter, bald guys.

I feel like women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hard to be like a bald sex symbol. But like Bruce willis pulled it off he pulled it now anyone could but back then yeah back then was rare well bald white guy there were true black sex symbols well i remember when he got this part and i was like oh my god see fuck her fuck her and her father and and he then became you know this huge star and when i if i see him on a set, it's like old time. You know what I mean? Oh, that's great.

That's like the, yeah. So anyway. Also Idris Elba was the bouncer. I know! Yeah. Whoa, a hot bouncer. He was so fucking hot. And I was like, you are so handsome.

By the way, I love that there was like a huge thing now saying like, there's people really pissed that he's in the running for Bond because he's black. And I'm like, this is not woke shit. He would be the coolest Bond. What is everyone's fucking problem? I saw one guy respond. I read some of the tweet replies sometimes because they make me laugh. And they're like, yeah, what's next, a white roots?

And I'm like, slavery was real. There's a difference. By the way way they did they did a black kid in Spider-Man and it's the best Spider-Man movie that's like the only really good Spider-Man for my I was drunk when I tweeted that but

but I'll say like Idris Elba is like the coolest fucking oh my god Luther is incredible I mean whether or not you like obama coolest president i mean he fucking plays basketball like sorry i never thought i'd live long enough to see a fucking president just drain a three from the corner i know that he and his wife fuck like none of that right oh absolutely don't you think i think

they probably fuck yeah did you guys not see the sex tape? Alright, so back to our... Wait, I wanted to make this point. This is so fucking good. I'm trying not to guzzle it down. I wanted to make the point about... Why do you get a glass? These are better for the drink. These are made for the mules.

This is for the paupers. Does the glass make a fucking difference with the taste of it? right so technically oh shit technically there is a little like urban myth about i'll be real quick but the urban myth about it is that the way the mule the moscow mule with vodka came about first was there's some three guys in a bar in san francisco right this is just an urban myth no way to you know verify it but that's how most drinks stories are uh one of them just bought smirnoff vodka to try to popularize it this is like the early 20th century everybody's drinking whiskey and gin he tried to popularize vodka didn't know what to do with it in america then the second guy next to him uh had just bought a jamaican uh ginger beer company and was trying to

use that as a mixer instead of ginger ale. And then the third guy, for whatever reason, has a surplus of copper. I don't know if he just raided someone's homes or whatever, but he has a surplus. Sounds like the beginning of a street joke. It does. The fourth guy's a rabbi. So the bartender helped them

kind of like put all the ingredients together and made the Moscow Mule. But technically, copper kind of like put all the ingredients together and made uh the moscow mule but technically uh copper kind of seeps toxins out of uh liquor or and your body as well so it's supposed to be kind of like a detoxifying drink that's what i'm going to say after i drive after drinking four of these yeah wait what about um stir versus shaken for martinis yeah uh well let's say uh i think all martinis should be stirred unless specified otherwise the only time you shake martinis is if somebody wants a really really cold uh martini with the what they call the

pond on top. The reason that James Bond always wanted his martini shaken, not stirred, is because when you shake it, it dilutes it more. So you have technically a weaker drink. You have much more water in there. So he's a spy and he has

shit to do. So he doesn't want to be too fucked up, so he gets it shaken. It also remains cold for a long time. He wants to really not. That's true. But what about drinking alone?

I encourage it. Remember when Smirnoff was the official vodka for James Bond that we're all like we're not buying it. I'm sorry.

James Bond is ordering Goose or Belvedere. He's not ordering Smirnoff. That's absolutely ridiculous. That was completely insane. I'll do another one of these. Here's the other thing. He's not ordering... Yeah, that's absolutely ridiculous. That was completely insane. I'll do another one of these. Here's the other thing.

Let's do it. Easy, big fella. The other thing is... This is another thing that fucking pisses me off. When I say I want... I still have a little bit left. When I say I want potato vodka, and they're like,

oh, Tito's. I'm like, Tito's is corn, you fucking asshole. Tito's is pretty good, though, I think. And the hangover's not bad either. Do you like it? Tito's is fine. I think it's a good mid-tier vodka. Honestly, if you can find it, I do prefer potato vodka.

Yeah, really? Belvedere, Chopin, it is a lot smoother. The starchiness of it makes it a lot smoother. And especially in a martini, it's fantastic. Yes, that's what I do. By the way, shaking a certain, one of my biggest pet peeves is when you shake a dirty martini. is when you shake a dirty martini.

You should never shake a dirty martini just because all that olive juice just starts like bubbling up. And just like you just get like a whiff of olive juice in your face when you drink it. And that's it. This is how I order my martinis every time. I want a martini as dry as a 98 year old woman's vagina every time and if the fucking wait person doesn't laugh i'm like we're out of here because sometimes we're like okay and i'm like what um all right back can i tell go back to my story about crowd work all right so crowd work when i started like everyone's like don't do crowd work don't do crowd work and now i'm like what the fuck you

know just have your material you have to have your material so you can put together a late night set whatever and now everyone's doing this crowd work shit yeah and it's like do you realize you have to be good at that like you can't just go hey you know it's i think there's somewhere in the middle though i think a lot of these people just do a lot of crowd work. They're killing because crowd work does hit harder. Right. It's in the moment. It's in the room.

So but if you can write a great joke, that'll live forever. This is just it's great. It's nice. But you can't go on mix. But I don't like following someone, a host, if they only do crowd work. Because then if I'm on first, I'm like, well, I'm doing I'm doing the first joke of the show. Right, right, right. But what I would host back in the day, I used to, well, I'm doing the first joke of the show. Right, right, right, right.

But if they're, what I would host back in the day, I used to host at Caroline's a lot which was great for me because, you know, oh, thank you. But, you know, I try to just go into material but if they weren't biting on the jokes,

I would do crowd work then go back and, I would try to get them on jokes for the first comic after me. You have to have, you have to prepare them to listen. Yes. You have to disarm them. You have to make them on jokes for the first comic after me you have to have you have to prepare them to listen yes you have to disarm them you have to make them into a unit yes like okay we're done ordering drinks stronger the show is you know about to start this is how we do it and you don't

shove it down the throat you show them yes you get them in the mode of listening to some material hey how you doing i hope the drive-in was great. Blah, blah, blah. Material, material. Bring up the... Okay, you ready? Blah. I agree.

And it's like, yeah. I mean, like, I want to kill Ray Allen a lot. We're getting too inside here. Three people know that guy. No, but it's so fun. Okay, can we talk about when we... We're at City Winery? Uh-oh.

I thought you were going to scold him for the burp for a second. And he's fucking farting. Like, just farting. And I'm like, really? Who's farting? Mark. Oh, right. The green room at City Winery.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're sitting there. And we're eating. Everyone's eating. And he's like, oh, excuse me. The party fell, Mark. Excuse me. Oh, did I do that?

I interjected it left no you did it all right okay so anyway back to my gig last night this is my pet peeve and i can't believe i'm even staying on track because all right so i do this whole hosting thing and you know they're all like in their i guess they were all in their early 30s maybe late 20s early 30s you know young and hip right one of these guys like after the show and i you know i killed you know of course i mean i know how to fucking host a goddamn award show and make fun of the anyway lesbians are funny i like that she made you sit in there. I've been trying to get a fart out right on time.

I had nothing. We might know why Mark says shocking shit. He is just trying to cover up farts at all times. But it's also like I've heard everything. I don't even fucking care. I know. I get off stage and then all these people are like, oh, can we take a selfie? And then Shlomo. Shlomo, who runs City Winery.

I know that's a normal name. And I said this on stage. That's a goy. That's just hilarious. He also is the pitcher in the Israeli baseball team in the Olympics. And I said, Shlomo is the only good-looking shlomo in the entire fucking world so he's like oh you want to get something to eat there's no way that's a good baseball team they lost to mexico south korea and the united states the only team where you're out for five

to six days with allergies hey now they. They're all American, too. They're all Jews who couldn't get on the United States team. You never hear about the Israeli baseball. There's a few Jewish baseball greats, obviously. Koufax, Sean Greenberg. Hank Greenberg. I think there'd be more of them. It's called the Diamond.

Oh, God. You are on fire. Shlomo Lippitz. It's called the Baseball Diamond. Come on. I was proud of that. There he is. Oh, God. You are on fire. Slow-mo Lippins. Call the baseball diamond. Come on. I was proud of that. There he is. Oh, there's slow-mo.

He's a hunk. He's so hot. I can't even tell you. Man, oh, man. Anyway. That's what they say when you give them a diamond. It's real. I liked it.

I'm bumming. Have you guys ever been to Israel? I wish. I wish oh my god it's fucking great okay so I finished the gig you know and I'm walking and Shalom was like oh you want something

to eat so we walk into some area where there's a fireplace and a bar whatever and one of these guys who's like works at one of the city wineries somewhere he looked like late 20s mid to late twenties. And he got, and he says to me,

Hey, you were pretty funny. Oh, that's a P. And I wanted to fucking, I was pretty funny. Pretty funny is not a compliment. It's not a compliment to say,

Hey, B minus. Right. Right. Everyone else is like, Oh my God, that was hilarious. Like I totally fucking ripped apart the hr person

and her staff came up to me and said oh my god thank you so much thank you so much because apparently she's very hr um and so anytime i said something off color i was like oh sorry and and then here's this fucking asshole guy yep who's like they're pretty fun it's like fuck you get up there you fucking get up there for one fucking minute and see how're pretty funny it's like fuck you get up there you fucking get up there for one fucking minute and see how you you know it's just like well let's be fair you just said about your kids I kind of love them

but I get it I get it I'm with you on the pretty funny I love them I really I mean I could go get gushy I love them so much but pretty funny is infuriating another infuriating one is when someone goes up to you and goes I thought you were good oh my god Oh my god! Oh my god! So did the crowd. Did you hear, motherfucker? Yeah. Killing!

Fuck you! Or I had one person once say to me, you were our second favorite. Just tell me I was funny. Shut the fuck or what about when someone comes up to you and says, you were the funniest and the other comics are standing right fucking next to you. None of it's good. Just say Just don't say anything.

I also, I would never do that at a fucking show. I would never go up to like Broadway actors after a show and be like, you were number one. Right, right, right, right, right. I would just say, guys, you were great. They rank us. Right. They always rank us. It's brutal.

That's why people like Last Comic Standing. They don't want, here's a bunch of funny comedians. Yes. He was the best. She was the worst. One time I owned for Amy Schumer. She was on stage killing. I had a solid set. It wasn't great.

And then I was shitting in the bathroom at the Denver Comedy Works and I heard a bunch of guys washing their hands going, she's so funny man, she's killing. What did you think about the opener? And they were like, he sucked. And they're like three feet away from me. I'm shitting my pants. It's the most vulnerable moment of my life. And I go, I thought he was pretty good.

And they were like, I don't know what you're drinking, man, but he sucked. And I was like, Oh my God. I never like, are you ever in the green room after you go to the green room after the show

and you have a second show and the audio's on, they're clearing out and you're like, no, I don't want to hear what they have to say. No, because you're just waiting for, you know, that I just hear some guy going, the Jews will not replace us. I'm like, no, I don't want to hear what they have to say. No! No, not at all. Because you're just waiting for that cut. Totally. I just hear some guy going, the Jews will not replace us.

I'm like, God, what the hell was that? I was drinking when I said that. People do say shit to comics that they don't say to any other performers. No one respects it. They don't do that at Broadway. It's like you said. Well, everyone thinks they're funny. I've never heard anyone say, I have a bad sense of humor.

No one says that. If I meet someone who says that, I'm like, that's fucking honest right there. Yeah, yeah. I've never heard it. But also, we don't have an instrument. So, like, with an instrument, they go, I can't play that, so well done. Right, right, right. Or sing like that.

Well, anyone who makes what they're doing, like, we all have looked at, like, newscasters or sportscasters or something and been like, well, that looks easy. But that's a skill. Oh, yeah. That's something that they had to learn. Right, especially calling a game. I mean, come on well, that looks easy. But that's a skill. That's something that they had to learn. Right, especially calling a game. I mean, come on. That ain't easy.

I mean, if you put a person just on a game calling it, that's a fucking hard thing to keep it entertaining, to keep it insightful, to comment on what's going on. Oh, I know. And not miss any, you know, you're like hyper-focused like we are on stage. Totally. You know the minute, like, you're on stage, especially if you do stage totally you know the minute like you're on

especially if you do theater like that's what there's another thing don't fucking put your goddamn phone on when you're on stage and someone pulls out their phone it's the only thing you see from the stage is a fucking light like and these people are just fucking asshole that's why i love the seller they take the phone they take the. It's huge because even if they're not taking a video, they're still thinking at a show in the middle of nowhere. They're like, I could text. I could tweet right now. They're just thinking it. Right.

And that sucks too. But when the phones are gone, they just accept that and focus. Plus, what was that? I guess my little tequila mule is getting to me. Yeah. Sorry, what? Oh, no, I want to ask you, Judy.

Oh, hell yeah. Judy's going in. Here we go. You know, I always come in 100%. Who are the comics you remember coming up with in the 80s that we might remember? I remember Adam Sandler getting on stage. Really? Yeah. And I rememberis coming out yeah airlines yeah and so he first when i started he was the bartender

at catch rising star yeah and then so lewis veranda the don't you know you don't know listening he was he's the booker at the legendary carolines well now he and he started the whole you know new york comedy festival that was him i didn't know that him and caroline very nice guy He's the booker at the legendary Caroline's Comedy Club. Well, now we... And he started the whole New York Comedy Festival. Oh, that was him. I didn't know that. Him and Caroline. Very nice guy, Lewis. Yeah.

I was like, Caroline, huh? Before? What? She's hot, huh? Caroline? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

I kind of bond with you. I mean, we're both like the labia. Why? Because she's like my age-ish? No. I mean, I think she... I've been hearing mark say this for years i don't think this is she is hot she is there we go there we go okay i just burped by the

way anyway all right but i held it in unlike you so um she does feel like your mother right now so lewis was the bartender yeah and then so in the so in the mid-80s, but, you know, there were no cell phones. And there was the comic strip. There was Catch a Rising Star. There were all these clubs. There was The Cellar. There was, like, Green Street. There were all these clubs.

And you had no cell phones. So if you got on the subway or you were in a cab and you were late for your spot, there was no way. Oh, right. To tell, was no way to contact the club. You could go to a pay phone or something. Right. That was it. So Catch Rising Star had two backups. So you would sit at the bar.

You got paid $50, which was what the comics got to do a set. To just hang out. To just hang out in case someone didn't show up. But there were always comics who didn't get spots or were doing spots at the strip that would come in to sit, you know. And so they had two people who were the backups. Got it. And you just sit there.

You got 50 bucks. And it was me and Chris Rock. Wow. That's wild. Yeah. What year were you in about? Late 80s? Mid 80s. Mid. That's wild. Yeah. What year are you in about? Late 80s? Mid 80s.

Mid to late 80s. Yeah. Was he nice? I love him. Yeah. He's just a class act. He was one of my heroes. And he's fucking hilarious.

Yeah, he's brilliant. I mean, he's got great angles. His first album, Roll With The New, not his first. Born Suspect was the first album. Oh, my God. Roll With The New was like the album that got me into comedy. Right. Is that right?

Yeah. Well, I remember listening to it on a CD player. And I probably got half the jokes. I was 11. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But my mom grabbed the CD player like, what's he listening to? And put the headphones on like an overprotective mother.

Oh, my God. She starts listening. And I remember her face out of the gate was like horror. Just horror. Really? And then she kept listening for 30 seconds and she laughed. And I was like, that's fucking comedy, baby. The fact that he pushed her away in the setup and then pulled her right back.

Oh, even then you knew. I loved that. I loved the power of a joke with that. Also, I mean, I saw Pryor's special in the fucking movie theater. Wow. Which one? Live in concert. Yeah, live from the sunset.'s special in the fucking movie theater. Wow. Which one? Live in concert. Yeah, live from the sunset. Or Sunset Strip.

Yeah. Wow. Incredible. I mean, first of all, you talk about comedy and all this woke shit where you can't say, oh, really? I tried to muffle it. I'm listening. Everyone can hold their fucking farts in but you.

Wow, I thought it would be good comedy. And I tried to soften it. She's literally winding up for a heavy point, Mark. She goes, the thing about world comedy. That's a little too strong. I didn't think it was going to be that audible. Don't even worry, poopy. He gave me this in case it's a little too strong.

What the fuck? Seriously. Everyone gave me this in case it's a little too strong. What the fuck? Seriously. Everyone else can hold in their farts. Why can't you hold in your farts? You're censoring me. Shut up. Why can't you hold in your farts?

I think it's funny to let them out. It's a comedy show. It is pretty funny. I mean, it's not respectful. I could hold it in. Well, nothing's respectful. We're drinking. Is there anyone in the world you wouldn't fart in front of? If Obama were in the room, would you fart? No, I think he would like it.

He deals with the Secret Service all day, and his wife doesn't seem that fun. When's the last time you seen Michelle Obama crack a Jew joke? All right, anyway. So wait, the woke shit. The thing about woke comedy. I want to hear this. You know, like Richard Pryor gets on stage even after he blew himself up. Right. What's the first thing he talks about?

Blowing himself up. Exactly. Like no fear. Like George Carlin, no fear. The whole Bobby Brown bit fear the whole the whole bobby brown bit uh jim brown but bobby brown holy shit the whole jim brown bit in priors sunset special is like what you gonna do that whole bit oh my god this is like amazing this is like a fucking one-man show but it's got punch lines i know i know that's what comedy was. Richard Pryor's. And now it's like, I don't know. I just.

I agree. That's why I yell at them all the time. I mean. Well, the worst part is when comics get mad. You're like, you know what this is? What are you doing? I don't get why you're yelling at me. You're a comic.

What's going on? Yeah, I made a crazy joke, but I'm a comic. But it's also like you take intent, context, and nuance out of the equation. Of course, yeah. And that's the end. It's like, listen, I'd now get on stage and say, I just want you to know that none of the comics here, when they were writing their jokes tonight, were thinking about your fucking childhood trauma. Okay? Well said.

Sorry. It's not about you. But they're like, it's insensitive to these groups. I don't care. Like, it's not. Listen to the fucking joke. It's not. you but they're like it's insensitive to these groups i don't care like it's not listen to the fucking joke it's not i know you have a joke i love about um about your son wanting to get uh a tattoo he hates her son wants to get a tattoo in the joke and it's their zip code their zip code she goes you're a jew you're not getting numbers on your arm tattoo it on your arm that's a great joke that's brilliant right he hates it he's like mommy that was so that was like five years you know whenever

he's 18 he's not mad about the the offensiveness he's mad about the right right right accuracy but it's like someone came up to me i did that joke and someone like a jew uh who and he's like you know that joke makes me feel uncomfortable i'm like why it's a true story it really happened yeah and every night i get on stage and talk about the holocaust so like what the fuck is your there's nothing offensive about that joke the joke is the joke is he's saying here's why you shouldn't do that right right right so if anything you're the voice of reason in the joke you yeah and you can't everything people take shit. They make it their own. Oh, right. And it's all about whatever I think the joke is is what it is.

And it's like, no. It's the comedian who is telling the joke has a purpose behind that joke and an intention behind that joke. It's not about fucking you. And now I feel like now when you write material, I see this with a lot of comics they'll they they do the i want to make this funny i want to talk about this i want to make this funny and now we have that extra thing where we go oh this one's going to think that exactly he's going to think that you're changing art right and it's like no that's not what i mean right when you try to do a late night set now the the way they neuter it is

is like it's like parody of itself oh well you're like forget about you guys realize that you were stripping any point of view from the act now yeah now i have to like there's nothing funny about a person tiptoeing around a premise you're taking the guts out of comedy yes we don't want to do your fucking show unless you're going to let us do the joke as written. And otherwise, enjoy having neutered vanilla horse shit on your late night show, which guess what? Is neutered vanilla horse shit. That's all they are. So you can't come in with your interesting avant-garde shit because it'll stand out.

Don't turn me into you. Well, that's what they have to do. It's their show. Yeah, but I'm doing this in a fucking club for actual people. You're doing this for puppy dogs in a studio. Right, right, right. There's no sponsors from my act. No, network executives without a fucking club for actual people. You're doing this for puppy dogs in a studio. Right, right, right. There's no sponsors for my act. No, network executives without a fucking sense of humor.

This is when we should cut to our sponsor. There's no sponsors for my act. This segment was brought to you by... Puppy Chow. Yeah, no, I'm with you. It's crazy. And then they all sit around and go, and they praise Pryor and Lenny Bruce and George Carlin

and all this shit, and you're like, you would have hated them. You would have never let them on. Pryor's got, I mean George Carlin and all this shit. And you're like, you would have hated them. You would have never let them on. Pryor's got like, I mean, Carlin's got like a bunch of N words in his act. And they're all funny. But did you know when George Floyd was murdered, the number seven download on Spotify the following weeks was George Carlin's, or no, it was Pryor's bit. It was, I'm sorry.

It was Pryor's bit about cops versus Ns. Because it's still relevant. Right. Because it was still relevant. Right. Because it was still relevant. Oh, wow. Well, you know, it's interesting is, you know, Bill Hicks is such a great. Oh, my God. They want to watch him.

Really see him in the. Well, I was going to say Hicks on Letterman. They wouldn't air a pretty. Oh, my God. Did you see that? And that's all in my book. And it's pretty not edgy. I mean, it's edgy.

It's got opinion and bite, but it's not for like you're like this. You won't let this go on TV. So that's pretty not edgy. I mean, it's edgy. It's got opinion and bite, but it's not for like, you're like this, you won't let this go on TV. So that's pretty painful. But so you work with Bill Hicks. But this is nothing new. Well, I just, you know, he would be at the, you know, a catch or whatever. He was fucking brilliant. But it's also like.

Was he friendly to you? Oh, I loved him. Yeah. Sorry. No, it's nice. It's nice to hear. I've talked to some people who are like, he's not their cup of tea. For me, I think Bill Hicks is one of the great.

I think he died at like 33. I know. He had that much great content out there. He started at 14, I think. Bill Hicks is brilliant. Yeah. You know, there wasn't, you know, the community, there weren't as many comics, right? Sure.

And we all had each other's backs. There's too many comics. And I was telling you in the cab the other day, you know, it's sort of clicky now. Big click. Very divided. It wasn't like that. Yeah. You know.

I agree. It's a bummer. Especially, you know, when there were times when people weren't getting you know at the comedy store in the 70s and people you know bonded together to get paid you know people we were a unit and a community um bad stuff forces us to come together right but now it's like comic used to be enough like we couldn't be more different. Jewish, lesbian, northeast, southern, goy, farter, you know? I fart all the fucking time. I just don't do it. Well, I just go, oh, I used to watch you on Tough Crowd when I lived in New Orleans.

I'm like, she's funny. That's all I needed. She's a comic. I'm a comic. But you were one of the few female comics in that world. That's true. You're not just, you too. You're in a world that's... There aren't a lot of

women out late at night doing that stuff that you're doing. Was that weird coming up in the 80s, 90s, early 2000s? Well, yeah. There weren't a lot of us. There was a comedy U-Ground on Thursday nights had this show.

They used to advertise it, all female comedians it was like okay really period yeah there was always some horrific name but it was all these women that it was the one night we all got to work together you know what i mean't know i mean i do remember some comic some female comics i mean i was so you know i'm so focused like i just wanted to be a good comic like that was it um and plus i didn't want to fuck any of the guy comics i I was just like one of the guys, you know? And so I think... Well, we're so identity focused now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I watched Ellen. I watched Paula Poundstone. I watched Rita Rudner. I watched Carol Burnett. I watched I Love Lucy. And I was never like, these are funny women. I was like, these are funny comics or whatever. And now we're just beaten down.

It kind of has the opposite effect. That it's supposed to be this progressive kind of, we're open, we're just beaten down. It kind of has the opposite effect that it's supposed to be this progressive kind of we're open, we're inclusive. But now I'm like woman, black, gay. Now I just pick and I count everything on the lineup. I also just wish you could just mix it all together because we're like a step away from being like, here's the best of comics who don't know how they identify all the stars. We're just like, but they do that for like they, you know, all here's the problem that if you go to a comedy show and it's just three guys, it's an MC, a feature act and a headliner.

It's just a comedy show. If it's three women, it's a it's a it's an event. It's an event. If it's three black people, it's an event. That's a good three, you know, Hispanic or Latinx people. It's an event, you you know and that's what the fucking problem is stop doing that it's funny it's funny you're either funny enough with themes the theme should be is this good right that's the theme i'm totally then they go there's a lot of

men and there's too many men you're like i know but a bunch of men get into comedy i know it's weird to get mad at the men it's like saying hey nba is 99 black what the hell lebron he's like i just want to play basketball why are you mad at me get mad at the okay you're complaining that there's that you're not i'm not complaining that there's too many men i'm complaining that we just want to be comedians so why uh why are we the right but that's your you're feeling that now right you feel that Imagine starting, like I used to call these clubs and they would be like, I'd be like, hi, I'm Judy Gold.

It's just an evening at the Improv and Caroline's Comedy Hour, blah, blah, blah. And they'd be like, oh, we had a woman here three months ago and she didn't do that well. I mean, that's insane. Well, that's crazy. Yeah, we didn't do that. She didn't do that well.

We're not having any. But that's how it was. That was the pressure. I mean, do you feel the pressure when you're like trying to work on a new hour? I never, yeah. And then if you don't do that while we're not having any but that's how it was that was the pressure i mean do you feel the pressure when you're like trying to work on a new hour i never yeah but and then if you don't do other like we're done with women for yeah i mean that's completely crazy and that was what what it was like and it was and it was like um it's also yeah i i just and i always was like i'm not it's not about me being a woman. It's just going to be about me being funny. Right. And then you become a representative.

Which you didn't ask for. Right. But then I came out on stage when Henry was born. I mean, everyone knew I was a lessee. But then I have a kid and it's like every comic talks about their family. Like, I'm going to talk about my fucking family. Sure. So I sort of came out as a gay parent, you know?

And I was just like, i can't do my act i can't be true to who i am without being true to who i am i feel like that was like a thing like you couldn't just say my family i mean you kind of have to explain i can't you know of course yeah no i can't fucking live with myself of course not well no no i'm saying like but do you feel like you're like okay okay, well now this is. I think I'm sure in the 90s it was a harder thing to just jump into. Maybe not in the clubs, but on TV maybe was a different thing. Oh my God. It totally had a major effect. Look at Ellen.

Ellen got kicked off TV basically. Yeah, exactly. And this was pretty. Because clubs were much more, I think, crowds when they see you and they know you. But when you have five minutes to kill and you're introducing yourself, like, and people are a little, you know, provincial. I mean, that's. Right. And you have to, like, say, oh, I'm, you know, you can't, the joke doesn't work unless you know I'm a big les, you know?

We know. And so it was, you had to say it. Like, sometimes now I'll do a joke and I'll have to say, oh, I forgot to tell you I was a les. You know, like, you know. But it was never like that. You know, my friend Bob Smith, God rest his soul, he was the first out gay comic

on the Tonight Show. Oh, really? Yeah. I remember Bob Smith. Funny guy. And he was my best friend. He died of ALS. But he was, he would, he looked like Jimmy Stewart you know

like he was just this all-american kind of guy and he he does his material and how he came out was um he would say I the joke was I made my carefully worded announcement at Thanksgiving. I said to my mother, can you please pass the gravy to a homosexual? She passed it to my father. And it was like, here's this, you know, like handsome, tall, white, all American-y kind of guy. Pull him up, Matt. Pull up a picture of him. Oh, he was the fucking funniest. Bob Smith was it?

Comedian, yeah. Bob Smith, comedian. I remember him. he did a lot of tv oh yeah really there he is oh he is handsome uh uh yep oh yeah great head of hair just a hunk and then and he wrote five books there he is with the als horrible he wrote a book um his last book called treehab he literally wrote um he had an ipad and he would he couldn't use his he couldn't use his fingers he would drop his one letter at a fucking time oh his books are so good he was he was an amazing joke look at him look how cute if i was gay i'd blow him i thought that was a compliment like do you think a comic would get annoyed about that now like uh probably yeah of course what do you comic suck i mean that's that's fascinating like that's the

thing with you know it's so hard for me because i'm so used to this kind of talk you know what i mean that's what we had you on no but it's like and i'm like okay shut the fuck up and now it's like well here's the problem you know you get clout for calling out so like i don't even know if they actually are offended jumping off point it's a jump we got him that he said that thing about blowing the dick what do you think about yeah i mean so your book is about you're a little annoyed with this like uh the woke mindset it's about the fact that we're just trying to make you laugh like and so if you were if you murdered someone right and you go on trial for homicide your sentence is determined by your intent what you were thinking what your motive is right and yet you don't give the same consideration to a comedian writing a joke right

that was involuntary joke slaughter right exactly i'm with you yeah there's something very interesting about and look if in your heart this woke mindset if that's really who you are and that's i'm happy to talk to you and i completely get but a lot of it does feel performative and like a pat on the back right you're like look at me it's virtue signaling like if it's not real you can tell right you know it's your action also you know i am an activist i fight for people's Like, I'm not just someone who goes on stage and tells jokes. Like, I will speak out for the things that are right. You know, it's just, I don't know. Well, there's real problems, and I think attacking a comic is easy.

You know, it's right there. You know who said it. You can tweet about it immediately. You can call them a racist. But, like, they won't actually, there's women's clits getting cut off. They won't help them. Right. That actually takes some calorie burning. Well, well yeah i have been attacked for jokes before and i'm kind of like

but what have you done that actually right right right yeah because you're kind of like you're you're yeah it always and they're not perfect either they're flawed as well but they just aren't you know they're not comedians right and it's also like we're just comedians until we say something that pisses you off then we're dangerous right you know it's also like we're just comedians until we say something that pisses you off then we're dangerous right you know it's like you go to i write about this too in the book like i had a friend who went to i forgot what concert and uh she was so excited and it was an all new album and she was like oh fuck you know like i wanted to hear the greatest hits of course and she left there still loving the band right but fuck but for us who we do our work in front of an audience you know what i mean good

point we don't know where the line is until we cross the line of course and you know the audience tells us it's this one art form it's like you're not an artist who create oh who creates um judy's book like you don't put painting on like you don't you're not drawing a fucking landscape right yeah and you're half or a third of the way done and then you invite friends over so what do you think of the sun what do you think of the tree what do you think should i move this over there hey no it's the only art form where we you know the audience informs us okay that's not gonna work there we need to take that syllable out okay there's no painters like what do you think about this stroke right exactly right and it's so you know you want to be a part of this process and then you get

fucking pissed off at us no and george carlin, it's the comedian's job to cross that line and make you glad that they did. I love that quote. Yeah, so true. And do you want to ruin art? Like, I know it bothered you, but it made thousands or hundreds of other people very happy, laughed, they had a hard day.

So we just got to focus on you, that you were a little perturbed by this. Right, but we don't. We do. We cater to them. But we don't. We do. We cater to them. But we don't. Look at the Oscars. They're gone, basically. You don't.

I don't. But the business does. But this is all. The business is stupid. Late night is ruined. My point, sure, they're ruined. But they've been ruined for years. I mean, they've fallen off long before.

Because of this. But we also, I don't know. I think sometimes you have a clip go viral. We've all had like a joke go viral. And then sometimes you're just finding new people. And some of those new people are like, I love this. I can't believe I didn't know this comic before. And other people are like, shame on this person.

Well, that's the cost of going viral. But it's that. It's also that they have a platform now. Those people never had a platform before. It's like we have social media. But do they really have a platform? They have a comment. It's not a real platform. But they like we have social media. But do they really have a platform? They have a comment. It's not a real platform.

Right, but- They can spread like wildfire. Yeah, that's why you can take a fucking part of a bit, not the whole thing, and then fucking post it and be like, they said this, here it is. And it's like, no, that's not the whole fucking thing. And it's all the same thing with politics. It's like Citizens United. This comic said Jews are the worst.

No, I was quoting the guy saying Jews are the worst. Yes are the worst yes yes that's exactly you didn't take the whole bit and then this is what would bug me the most they go you're allowed to make your joke i'm allowed to shit on you and say you're not funny that's free speech i'm like please shit on me i don't think i'm that funny but when you go this guy's a piece of shit bigot right homophobe racist and now you're ruining my career you're ruining my name you're slandering me that's what i'm talking about it's not the actual hey you're not funny i'll take that all day but it's the you're a bad person i'm sorry i do like you no but it's also the um the you know bringing up shit from like 15 20 years ago right and the

person has evolved like i remember i wrote right about kevin hart in the book it's like oh yeah the gay jokes right and it's like they weren't funny and they you know it's i didn't even think they were fine i didn't even know where the humor was but i know kevin right and i and i know he apologized and i know that he has evolved. And as a, as a gay, you know, it's like, that's what you want. You want people like you're, you hope for that. Right. You're like, we want you to evolve. We're out here to change your mind.

And then when they change your mind, you're going to bring up shit. It's like being in a bad fucking relationship. You know? Oh, totally. Yeah. You're bringing this up. I mean, like, it's like Nick Cannon. He said anti-Semitic shit and he's still not funny.

I mean, Nick, when are you going to figure it out, dude? Right, right, right, right. That's true. No, but you're right about Kevin, I think. It's like people have—you're not for growth if you're not letting people grow. That's what I'm saying. The clout thing. They'd rather you be a bigot and get the clicks than you actually evolve and there be less homophobia.

Like, there's this whole, like, schadenfreude about, you know, oh, we're gonna watch this person. It's weird to use that word

about Jews, right? Yeah. But it's like, we're just gonna, but some people say schadenfreude. But it's like, people love watching people crash and burn.

They love it. They love it. Yeah. It's so fucking- Where's, I thought you were so worried about hurting people's feelings, being insensitive. And it's about money. Oh, our sponsors won't like that. Who fucking cares?

They're all cowards. It's so upsetting. I'm so glad that our sponsors aren't pussies. I know. I'm so glad that we've never had a pulled sponsor, have we? No, not yet. You know, my podcast is Kill Me Now, and the logo. I've been on it.

I had a great time on it. Thank you. That name is offensive to me. I know. I know. So I had a, the logo was a noose with a mic hanging off the noose, right? Yeah. And they were like, you got to get rid of the noose.

What? Yeah. See, we cater. That's what I'm talking about. We cater. We changed it to that. But where's the old, oh my God. Scrubbed from the net.

I will say that people that commit suicide are culturally appropriating lynching. And I find that to be offensive. I find that to be offensive. Write that down. That's great. Hey, hey, We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by Sheath Underwear. I won't even look. I bet I'm wearing them right now.

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Or click on the link in the show notes and save 50% off on your 30 day trial. Geology, make handsome a habit. That's my Don Draper voice. I like it. Doesn't everyone want geology? All right. Yeah, but it's, and look, we all bitch and moan about cancel culture, cancel

culture. I don't give a shit. I still do the same jokes, but it's the fact that we live with it. That's what scares me. People go, Chappelle, come on. He talks about it. All right, whatever. It's the fact that we're sitting there going, you know, maybe delete that from the pod. Take that out. I don't want to deal with it. That's the problem. That's the fact that we're sitting there going, you know, maybe delete that from the pod. Take that out.

I don't want to deal with it. That's the problem. That's the thing that we don't want. And we're like, it's not worth it. It's not worth it. I also resent that Chappelle is the example that people bring up. You're bringing up an arena act who gets $24 million a special. Right.

So it's like, this is the example you use as a guy who says provocative shit. He can say whatever the fuck he wants. Right. And he's okay. Right. There's a difference for the open mic-er now, for the comedians coming up now, who has to fail to find their voice.

Right. Yeah, there it is. Failure is how you succeed in comedy. Failure is how you succeed in anything. But if you fail in basketball, it's by missing a jump shot, an air ball. Well, you gotta air ball at an open mic to find your fucking voice. It happens.

You got to shoot an air ball. Yeah. It's comedy. It's so hard to even try out new material because you're like, oh, fuck. Yeah. You know. I'll get yelled at. I'll get blogged about.

Right, right, right, right. I'll get a complaint. All right, guys, hear me out. Prince Andrew wasn't that bad. You know what I mean? Just kidding. What a fucking asshole. What a clown.

I heard the thing about the teddy bear too How he made his help Look this up Matt He made his help organize his teddy bears I'm like oh this dude's definitely a pedophile Are you fucking kidding me I'm not making this up look it up Even Jared Fogle saw that and was like what a bitch

Oh my god Jared Fogle Look at this Prince Andrew's former maid Had to be trained and had to arrange his teddy bear collection. This is Michael Jackson crazy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. At least Michael Jackson could sing and dance. What the fuck does this guy do?

Oh, my God. I got to fucking read that. Oh, my God. How about the people who are like, Mike, they're lying. Those guys are lying about Michael Jackson. Who the fuck would make that shit up oh you didn't see the doc I can't watch it

it's rough it's really rough it's hard for me I still love Michael Jackson's music but god damn here's the thing though I can listen to the Jackson 5 and I'm fine but when I hear music from that period of time when he was like fingering and whatever he was doing, I yeah.

I don't mind Hitler's paintings. But once he started to invade places, I kind of was like. No. No, I mean, look, the Jackson five. Oh, God. Blame it on the boogie. I mean, I love all those songs. But, you know then what about all these

dead people and you're finding out shit about them now i know what are we doing that this one was a nazi and that one was a racist and it's like oh fuck i like that well what do we do i mean i love as a child i loved roald dahl books he was a rabid anti-semite it's very it's very complicated right i mean the fact that this guy could imagine this vivid world where a child could live in a peach but not that jews were equal that's a bummer but we're nuanced we're complex martin martin uh fucking martin luther king cheated on his wife all day long but he still did a lot of great things like people are complex people love to bring that up about martin luther king and it's always a scumbag friend who's like you know he cheated i'm like yeah but he did more than you

right right that's true but gandhi as well but same argument you know, he cheated. I'm like, yeah, but he did more than you. Right, right. That's true. But Gandhi as well. But same argument. You know what one of the worst is? Bill Cosby. It's like... Yeah, we talked about this last episode. Sure. I mean, I remember...

Like, we all knew. Did you know Cosby? Well, when I was working on Rosie, I remember he was a guest, and I remember... Dozing off? Hey, no. I remember that they told whoever was going to get him, escort him from the hotel.

They told them to stay in the lobby. Wow. Interesting. That's great. What a fucking scumbag. Oh, wow. People knew. First of all, you're Bill Cosby and you need to fucking put women to sleep?

That's what I don't get. Like, what the fuck? And what? You're the most famous guy. You don't even put us to sleep by doing two and a half hours of stand-up every show. Yeah. You have to fucking. And also, you're yelling at these young black kids about, oh, pull your pants up, don't

curse. You're fucking raping people. You're like a sexual predator. I have a theory. People go, if you're one extreme way, everything comes out in the wash. Everything evens out. So if you're super hyper or whatever about this, you're going to be the actual. It's projection, baby.

It's like those senators who hate gay, God hates fags. Right, right, right. And then they all come out. Every time. And it's like they're in a fucking bathroom putting their dick through a hole. Same shit. That's why these activists sometimes a fucking bathroom putting their dick through a hole. Same shit. That's why these activists sometimes I'm like, what's going on? Not activists, but like super tweeter guys where you're like, what's your motivation?

What are you overcompensating about? That's the word I'm looking for. God damn it. Judy, I want to ask you about Joan Rivers because I know you were friends. Because we love Joan Rivers. We're big fans. And I know you were friends with her. love Joan Rivers we're big fans and I know you were friends with her first of all

the hardest like the work ethic I can't even I remember Colin there was this guy um what the fuck was his name he worked at catch he was a Chinese immigrant he never slept he sent money

back to his family what was his name comic or no no no he worked at catch as like oh wow oh god i gotta text colin um and andrew yang it was what was his fucking name anyway he was the greatest but he worked so hard he worked like three jobs and was bringing up his you know his kids and sending money to his family and colin used to say i just want someone with the work ethic of oh right right and that was her and and she like well you see in the documentary she never stopped right and then and my friend gary worked for her and you know she catalogued all her jokes she also had this

rolodex and when her husband died and her daughter wasn't even talking to her like that whole horrible she's like johnny fucking carson yeah every other guy that co-hosted that show went on and got their own shows and he didn't give a shit when she went and got her show on Fox, it was like, fuck you. You know, you are a person of no brother. And also for a woman in the 80s to get a fuck you from Johnny Carson. Right. That's got to feel like a kiss of death. And if you look at the old videos of her on that show, I mean, he's hysterical.

This fucking Midwestern white, you know this brash jewish woman brilliant you know and he just thinks she's the most hysterical thing now meanwhile all these other guys like david brenner and all these other people um went and did their own shows with his blessing and then she does she takes care of herself and fuck you i gotta be honest i never got david brenner of all the i never did either it's like i i love so many of those comics from that period and i've tried to watch a lot of his sets and i just i know that he was a good comic i know that he was like a respected comic but i watched those sets and like joan makes me laugh yes oh my god like like from your gut yeah i remember one time at catch i was emceeing

and david browner walked in and he had this white fur coat on and i think that's why i didn't get him there's something missing and uh what comic can walk in a white fur coat a white guy fur coat and uh he didn't want to be introduced so the the other comic would come off. The stage would be bare. Everyone would be like, oh, what's going on? Where's the MC? And he would just walk on stage. And, you know, the people would be, you know. And at the end of his act, I remember.

Ghosts are in 101 Dalmatians. Right. You're going to wear that outfit. He would, at the end of his act, he would say, do a question and answer thing. This was at the, you know, at the end of his act, he would say, do a question and answer thing. This was at the end. At the end of Catch Rising Star, like late 80s, early 90s. And he would do this, anyone have any questions for me? And I remember one night, some guy raised his hand and said, yeah, who are you?

Wow. The ultimate zing. Yeah. One night, some guy raised his hand and said, yeah, who are you? Ah! Wow! The ultimate zing. Yeah, and it was so, I mean, he was a legend, and he did have that joke about the, he was famous for that joke about the sitting on the subway. I don't know his stuff. Oh, he was sitting on a newspaper on the subway, and someone said, oh, are you reading that? And he got up, turned turned the page and sat down again so that was one of his famous jokes but yeah he was like a big comic of that era but joan i mean

when you think about how she had to deal with the woman shit she had to do and if you look at her five decades in the business you knew exactly where women stood in society by what she was talking about. And she talked about shit that women didn't talk about, like getting divorced and, you know, plastic surgery. It was all this breakthrough shit. And at her memorial, I mean, I never cried and laughed so hard at the same. Really? Yeah. Well, do you remember some of the.

Oh, God. Howard Stern went up. Love Howard Stern. Another person I love. Big fan. I talk a lot about him in my book. He went up and said, you know,

it's in a synagogue. There's the Torahs in the ark behind him. And he says, Joan Rivers had a huge vagina and we all start laughing and he tells this joke and I knew it because he did

this joke about how dry her vagina was and that if she was Whitney Houston she wouldn't have drowned because her vagina would have sucked up the water I don't remember but it was fucking brilliant and you know at a funeral what But it was fucking brilliant. And you know- At a funeral, what more can you want? That's how you know you had funny friends.

Right. Someone says that shit at your funeral. Right. Yeah. And then he talked from the heart and was- She came on my show. She did everything. She was so supportive of other comics.

Yeah. And when he was nothing, he's like, I was nothing and she would come on that show she was really like i think about her every single day and as you look i was born in 1962 i knew who joan rivers was since i'm a little girl my parents loved her i saw this woman who was like sitting on the fucking couch being brash and outspoken. I was like, oh, my God, I can do that. And my parents loved her.

So it was like, I don't know. And she was brilliant. Brilliant. She was part of the American lexicon. She just came up. Like in Disney movies, they'll do a Joan Rivers joke. Even in Aladdin, there's a Joan Rivers joke. She was just part of the world.

And even Chris Rock said when she died that she was just part of the even chris rock said when she died that she was the mount rushmore of comedy she would definitely be she's great and and never apologized the only time she apologized for a joke was when um willie nelson she had some joke about him having a joint i forgot what it was some pot joke and his daughter was in either high school or or middle school and was like the kids are teasing me and wrote her a letter and that was the only joke she ever took out of her i'm sorry though you know if you're if you're willie nelson's daughter and you don't know he's smoking weed that might be on you yeah that's neglect but you know the whole she used to give um uh what's her uh tale elizabeth

taylor so much shit for being you know beautiful and then fat and then imagine that and she called one of their mutual friends what was his name fuck i can't remember because i'm drunk but um a little bit drunk uh thank you we might be drunk uh she called one of their mutual friends and said, is she upset? And he was like, no, she doesn't give a shit. You know? And everyone was like, oh, you're horrible doing fat jokes. It was like, you see Elizabeth Taylor. She's gained a lot of weight.

Like, it's like, it's exactly what you're thinking. Of course. And you're not better than her for not saying it because you thought it. That's what I don't get about the whole thing. But Joan Rivers, somebody put up a clip of her on Twitter. This is right before she died, and she was in Vegas, just commanding the stage, going back and forth, and she was making these crazy Mexican jokes.

And the person tweeting was like, this is horrific. Fuck her. She's a piece of shit. She's a racist. And she's killing, killing in some theater in vegas and i remember like oh shit joan rivers in trouble and i watched the video and i was laughing in my hotel right it's like if you went to a don rickles show yeah right and didn't get picked on you were like oh fuck he didn't say anything about me you know and now right isn't that beautiful of rickles

there's a clip of him online and he's shitting on everybody he's got to be in his mid-80s when this happened he's shitting on everyone and when they got to be in his mid-80s when this happened. He's shitting on everyone. Everyone. And when they land on him, they're all like, yay. Like, they're excited. Right. Because what he did was he leveled the room.

Like, you're no better than me. You're this. You're that. You're that. And Reagan fucking loved him. I mean, he was really, and you could tell he had this this caustic vulnerability like you know you knew he was a fucking great guy right you know and that and everyone loves he was loved i missed i missed that connection in the country because you're saying like reagan loved him and like rickles is murdering for reagan i feel like we don't have that with either president anymore like i don't

well fucking trump trump no sense well Trump can't take a joke. It's funny that Trump got roasted on Comedy Central. That was bad. Because, yeah, it's like there's a great clip of Artie Lange talking about roasting Donald Trump. And it's on Howard Stern, and Trump is going, this guy had the best set of the night. He's great. And then Artie retells one of the jokes, and Trump goes, he's disgusting. He didn't get a terrible's disgusting he was awful and it's like man if only this was

intentional Trump would be one of the funniest human beings yeah yeah but you know when Trump was like calling for an investigation of SNL like that's when you end your first amendment right as you know let him host right and also you know when you think about that Trump couldn't go to the White House Correspondents Center.

Couldn't do it. Well, that was that was the death of it. Right. Right. And also Michelle Wolf at the last white. I was I always wanted to do that gig. I was always like, oh, my God, I really wanted to do it in a way where I feel like it would be like we bring people together. Like I thought that was great. Because humor is disarming. You bring people. I always wanted to do the White House Cor correspondents you know i text my agent i was like there's one

gig i want it's that because i think that's a great way to bring the country together and and uh yeah i'm bummed that he kind of yeah like boosler did that uh you think about all the people that did that paula poundstone steven colbert like norm mcdonald yeah and and colbert's was pretty hilarious colbert was great it shows you the power, the weaponization of comedy. That it is a, yes, it brings people together, but it's also a weapon. And if you're fucking not self-aware and have no sense of humor, you know, you're going to be, oh, I can't deal with that. I can't. Right.

For me, this is the other thing. Sitting at the cellarar sitting with all you guys you know like and getting mocked to me it's like it's love it's an honor like yeah what you know even to paulo when he would say shit and i'm like oh my god that's so fun like you and nick couldn't be further from each other i know and that's kind of the beauty of comedy is that you could be so different and still be connected. We're bound by this weird obsession we have.

Right. And you getting mocked by another comedian, it's like a badge of honor. Yeah, of course. You know what I mean? You expect it. But having trolls call you a kike and, you know, we don't know you. Right. It's not funny. And it's not, you know we don't know you right it's not funny

and it's not you know it's sorry if I'll sit in the back table and get mocked by you guys or Colin or whatever

I'll laugh because you know me well ribbing and ball busting I think weirdly as funny as those comedy central roasts were they almost they did play into a little bit of that because you never knew the person you were roasting.

See, but they used to know the person. That's my point. Like, Dean Martin roasts, they were all friends. Comedy Central, you're like a hired gun. And then you're just shitting on some strange celebrity family. And the meanest shit, like, I've hosted, I posted a couple of roasts at the Friars Club. And they were so funny. pussy uh from the sopranos

and gloria all red i was the host for that one and it was just so funny because everyone knew each other you know um but now it's like i'm gonna write jokes for you and you're just gonna be mean to this person yeah right you know? This kid was killed in a car crash. Give me something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly, exactly. It was dark. I remember I was showing a tell bits that were just super dark, and he was just from

a roast, and he was like, keep it surface. Come on. Whoa. He's like, we shit on people's looks and stuff. You guys are going through their family tree. Right, right, right. Mom died of cancer. Go.

Yeah, it's true but i think the those roast battles got really popular for a hot minute and they were brutal and vicious and we did a couple but i think the only reason they were so popular is because it wasn't censored it was dark and i think even though it was weird to roast people like that the audience was like this is kind of crazy we're seeing this because comedy had gotten kind of neutered for a while yeah i think that's why they were popular tough crowd will get on the air now exactly exactly i mean that was such a that was such a love that show right and it was just us we get we know what we were going to talk about we do our due diligence and really you know i mean giraldo was the king of i mean we loved we loved we loved her all the greatestdo was the king of, I mean. We loved, we loved, we loved Geraldo. Greg was the greatest.

He was the nicest. I mean, I fucking loved that guy so much. Brilliant. And there was respect, you know, even if you. Who are your favorite people to be on the show with? Well, I love Greg, but I knew I was just going to be like, whatever you say. Whatever you say. What about Patrice?

Patrice, I, you know. Did you get along? Because some people, you know, say he was a little much. Yeah, I liked Patrice. I would be on the show with him and we'd fight. Another guy you couldn't be more different than, but that is kind of like comedy is like the great equalizer in that right you know right um you know we all live in the same fucking world we all have different like we are who we are because of what we've lived through and what we've seen you know you can't deny someone their own truth and my thoughts aren't that different from yours but i

might just say it and you don't and i'm the bad guy and And also hanging out and being forced to make it work with these people. Like that's kind of something beautiful that I wish the country would follow. You know, like we're falling apart of the seams in this country. And then you, you see in your world, you're like, well, it's because of, I think, I don't think social media is doing us any favors because we just hate each other more. It's more spreading of misinformation on both sides. And when you're forced to kind of be in a room with people, you're forced to work it out. That's how shit works.

Right. And there was this thing called the truth. And everyone knew that was the truth. Like that was a fact. And now people, you know, they they we have such a weird relationship with the truth now. I know. I read this article that said, this is my truth. Right.

And it's like, well, it's not factual. You fucking asshole. We started putting my in front of the truth. We were doomed. Right. this is my truth right you know and it's like but it's not factual you fucking asshole putting my in front of the truth we were doomed right but they i read this article where they said that people are now you know people used to sit on their front porches and like neighbors would talk now everyone has a back porch and no one fucking talks well it's weird because we're so connected with social media it's so easy you can talk to a in Kuwait, but we don't talk to each other. Right.

But it's also so easy if your uncle, your fucking uncle, the conspiracy theorist, everyone's like, oh, shut the fuck up, John. Go to the basement. Then he can go to the basement and find, you know, 100,000 other people. They're like, yes, you are absolutely right. Yeah, that's true. Also, the conspiracy theorist used to be like your one weird friend. Right, right, right. Now it's like most of the true. Also, the conspiracy theories used to be like, you're one weird friend. Right, right, right.

Now it's like most of the people I know have weird conspiracy theories. And smart people. Yeah. Smart people. And I'm like, where are you getting this shit from? I know. You can't have any.

You can have one or two. But once you have a conspiracy theory about everything, it might be you. And you went to an Ivy League school. It's not like you can't read. It's a fucking Cornell conspiracy theorist right here. Right, right, right, right. Yeah.

I think we solved all the problems. Were there any other legends that you knew, the comedy legends that you really look up to that you had a relationship with? Joan's pretty great. That's pretty big. That's huge. Was she very supportive of you? Oh, yeah. She came to my one-person shows.

I have a video with – I remember she came – she was working in Provincetown, and I – that was the last time I saw her. And she was doing two shows at the town hall. I remember – and I emailed her or texted her or whatever. And I was like, oh, we you know can't wait to see you and she's like oh my god I hope I can it's a six hour drive listen you might have to go on for me like she was so nice yeah and

so I sat I was at the show I was like pee like she made you pee in your pants like she was so fucking funny and then afterwards Elisa and I my lover went backstage and she's like, hang out with me between shows. We had some wine and she said, let's do a Vine video. And I had no idea what a fucking Vine.

I was like, what's a Vine video? It's, oh, this new thing. Did she post it? Yeah. Can we find it, man? Wow. Imagine being that old and still with it. Oh, and she knew it. She knew exactly.

She was never. That's the whole thing of this. For a woman, it's very interesting that guy comics, as they get older, they still can work. But women, oh, we don't want to hear what you have to say. But she was never more relevant when she died at 82. It's interesting. I mean, that adapting. Do Joan Rivers

Vine Judy Gold, you know, video with Judy Gold. Yeah, yeah. Look that up, Matt. Am I slurring? Nah, no racial slurs.

Judy Gold, Joan Rivers, preach. Here we go. Oh, yeah. Hit on that. Let's see it. Whoa, this is insane.

I love this. The internet's amazing. Well, we just shit on it for 20 minutes. But it's amazing too. Yeah, it is. It it for 20 minutes. But it's amazing, too. Yeah, it is. It's up and down. We're people comedians.

No one's funnier than us. No one! Kathy Griffin! Sarah Silverman! Fuck you! Because those are six seconds, right? And you guys got a laugh in six seconds. That's great.

She was so cool. She was the fucking coolest. And then there's so many comics I forgot who I was talking to the other day Who just stopped doing stand up They couldn't take it anymore Yeah it's harsh You'll never stop

It's in your blood I still get on that fucking subway I love it And go downtown with my fucking notebook I love that we're both Upper West Siders We'll split cabs That fucking asshole The minute you got out of the cab And go downtown with my fucking notebook. I love that we're both Upper West Siders. I know. Because we'll split cabs. We'll do subways. That fucking asshole.

The minute you got out of the cab. I was trying to pay for it on Curb, the app. And the minute he got out, it was like, oh, it didn't go through. And I'm like, oh, fuck you. Yeah, that's the worst. Good for you, too, though. The whole Curb. That's a TV show.

That's a podcast. You guys going back up there. Yeah. Everyone. Curb. That's a TV show. That's a podcast. You guys going back up there. Yeah. Everyone they used to call me the leopard because I would always do spots. And everyone's like, why are you doing a spot?

I was like, I don't know. It's my life. I thought it was a cougar joke. Hey now. It's funny. Two nights ago it was snowing. I had a spot. I'm out with my girl. We're at dinner. We go back home. We're like getting ready to watch TV.

We're cuddling. And I'm like, ah, I got a spot. Oh, it's the worst. She hated it. I hated it. But I was like, I said I would do it. I'm going to go do it. I got a city bike.

I'm in the snow. It sucks. I did the gig. It was in the back of a restaurant. It was incredible. Right. And I was so happy I did it. The crowd was hot. They got me. And I went back home and she was like, how was that? I was like, It was incredible. And I was so happy I did it. The crowd was hot. They got me.

And I went back home and she was like, how was that? I was like, it was amazing. I hate you. I don't need you. But yeah, that's comedy. I mean, look, there's been a million bad nights, but every now and then it's magic. Yeah, I know. I came off the road Sunday and I did two and neither were great.

And that's a bummer. That happens. But then I did Monday and they were both killer.'s what here's my only my advice to you you got it i i used to do that but now i if i come off the road i take one day that's huge well i usually do but if my girlfriend's out of town i have to just i'm like i need to get all my spots mental it's because if she's there i want to spend time with her and I'll cancel But if she's not there I'm like I'm doing I'm doing spots I'm the same way

I'm like what else am I going to do Sit in my apartment and watch a fucking movie I mean I could but I still do that late night You know Do you have any recommendations We could just wreck your book What are my recommendations? I'm gonna all wreck your book.

You really do have to have a life. Yes. You know, there's so many, your fucking career is not gonna fucking change your diaper. Oh yeah, well said. So you gotta have a balance because otherwise your entire self-esteem is in this shit that you have no control over. Yeah.

It's like and you can't take anything personally. You could just look like a fucking relative of someone who they fucking hate it. You have no idea. You know what I mean? Good point. Yeah. And when you do that, you don't have another life. your life becomes just reading comments and reading messages and that's not healthy it's nothing you can't piece of shit looks like my uncle shlomo i hate this guy

the good looking one baseball yeah it's just really it's it's you gotta balance your life out and you'd have nothing to talk about when you don't have a life yeah you gotta be in the world like you have to grow you talk about evolution you're out of life. Yeah. You got to be in the world. You talk about evolution in terms of becoming a better person. But also, it's interesting to say evolution to have a more interesting act as well. Oh, my God. I think we were talking about it. Andy Kaufman used to go become a cab driver for a few months. Is that right?

Yes. Wow. He would take jobs. You you gotta be in the world. No, I didn't know him. Boozler was very close with him. But it's like, you know how comics are really funny, and then all of a sudden they're like, he's not funny anymore. Besides.

But you know, they get really famous, and you're like, it's because they don't live in the real world anymore. Of course, of course. On a private jet. Oh my God. You know, you gotta be a part of the people like i always say private jet and they bring you uh caviar and they don't bring you a seltzer too like oh my god you sit next to prince william and prince andrew right damn it the prince and also i always say dress like the local newscaster. Like if you want to know what to wear at a club or how to, because you don't want to act like, oh, I'm better than you.

You can always look at the local newscaster, whatever the fuck they're wearing. That's what the people are going to. That's where I show up. New York One. New York One is something like, it's funny. That's such a specific New York. I love that channel. I love that though. I have spectrum because of's such a specific New York I love that channel I have spectrum because of that fucking channel

I love that channel and they treated women like shit really? not Roma Tori yes she complains she's a legend they fucking treated her like shit

remember the guy who used to rate the movies with apples She's a legend Come on Romatori Yeah Romatori They fucking Treated her like shit She's a legend I didn't know that Remember the guy Who used to rate The movies with apples Oh yeah yeah yeah Oh that's great Oh my god He used to come to

The comedy club He would drive me nuts Really He'd be like I give this movie Two and a half apples Right Cause of the big apple

Yeah And he'd be like You know I work on New York One And I'm like Oh god But you know You can never give up.

You know, there's so many ups and downs. It always changes. Yeah. You know what I mean? Remember the alt scene? Yep. It just, I don't know.

Up and down. What do you have? All or images? You have to go news, like Romatori. Yeah, dress down our producer, will you? Give him a taste of Judy Gold. Peters? Romatori. Yeah, dress down our producer, will you? Give him a taste of Judy Gold.

Peters? Romatori. Yeah, Judy's like the police chief in every 80s movie. You piece of shit. You suck. Give me your badge and gun. All right. Okay, fine.

It doesn't have it, but whatever. Are there any other legends that you... You know, I always say to you, like, watch this one. Like, Margaret Smith was so fucking funny. She's very deadpan, one-liners. I don't know her. I love Ronnie Shakes. Great.

Philosophical. He was deep. Yeah, he was great. I used to watch him at cash. He had a heart attack running in Cleveland. Running in Ohio with his fucking wife. That's my worst fear. Saget died on the road and was found by housekeeping.

I don't know. Oh, my God. Oh, I recognize her. She was very funny. and was found by housekeeping. I don't know. Oh, I recognize her. She was very funny. Oh, she was the fucking funniest. Is she still doing the road? No. No, she's retired? Yep.

Lois Bromfield, fucking hilarious. Really? Yeah. By the way, Boozlers would be a great name for our fans. Oh, yeah, the Boozlers. It's got a comedy and a booze connection. Yeah, Martha was fucking hilarious. I remember her shit on Comedy Central.

I'm always thinking, man, it's very smart. Oh, my God. She had this one joke. Her and Ellen. Yep, she had this joke. And she was so... She spoke very slowly. The other day, I went to the store and I bought the shirt.

And then when I got home, I realized I didn't like the shirt. I just liked the song that was playing while I bought it. And it was just like stuff like that that was just, and very deadpan, fucking hilarious. All right. Yeah, she was solid. And there were, you know, Letterman had his, he wasn't a personality comic. He didn't like, he liked, like Wendy Liebman, perfect. Jokes.

You know, she had another, like jokes. He liked the joke on her. Yeah, she had good jokes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Liebman's good good stuff quotable oh my god I'm wasted you're wasted I mean I'm a little like when I thank you I'm a little like you know Ben has a game at five o'clock so I'm gonna oh hell yeah you're gonna be heckling you're gonna be screaming oh my god you should hear me i'm like yes three yeah it's exciting and all and everyone where can everyone get your book

amazon well you can go to judygold.com i think there's links but yeah you get it anywhere yes i can't say that but if you love comedy it's there's it's very historical talks about you know how we got to this place right and how we've got to fucking cut the shit i agree yeah where is the game can we go it's in quincy mass oh you gotta go there no i'm watching it on stream they don't even allow people at the fucking games and now oh shit with the covid i thought it was like you know what's happening my friend about this covid shit he's like you know what the worst part of this is is that you can't go 20 minutes without talking about and i like, you know what's funny? My friend about this COVID shit, he's like, you know what the worst part of this is? Is that you can't go 20 minutes without talking about it. And I was like, you know what?

I got to say, I appreciate people when you're talking. If they go 20 plus minutes and don't bring it up, I'm like, that's a person I want to be around. Right. That guy's interesting. Yeah. Because I don't want to think about this shit anymore. I know. And I'm so sick of it.

I leave the house and I'm like, fuck, I forgot my mask. I'm like, fuck. Oh, same. Yeah. I think it's kind of winding down. I hope so. But who knows? Yeah, I think it is, too.

I hope so. All right, well, you got any dates to plug? You going to be on the road? Any road dates? Oh, fuck. Oh, she's pulling out her notebook there. In the meantime, I got all over the road, but Sacramento, San Diego, Orlando, West Palm, Columbus, Salt Lake, Cleveland, New York City.

You guys are fucking unbelievable. We're all over this shit. We're finally selling tickets, so we're capitalizing. Samuel.com slash shows if you want tickets. I'm all over the place. You're missing some of them there. Oh, here. More are coming, too.

Oh, God. Fuck. Oh, yeah. More coming, too. Oh, God. Fuck. Oh, yeah. Buffalo. Every time I get a fucking text, I think someone died. I know, right? Ugh. Well, everyone's like, Louie Anderson, Bob Saget. It never ends.

Let's see. What do I has, baby? I'm in Columbus, La Jolla, Tampa, Cincinnati. I don't even know. I'm so. Louisville. I'm at. Chania Improv.

Oh, I have a lot of stuff in March. I have to shoot some. Kids. Yeah. Let's see. What do I have? Oh, I'm at Fat Black Pussycat. Whoa.

Doing it now. I'm trying to do new material because I'm doing a one person show. It's about time. Like, I don't do that anymore. I used to do that. I used to do that. That stuff's so helpful. Oh, I love the La Jolla Comedy Store.

Do you still stay in the condos? No, I can't do it. The condo's not bad, I will say, but I got a hotel. The green condo and the blue condo? Yeah. Oh, my God. It's on the beach. It's on the beach.

I never slept better. What? I had a bad experience. Uh-oh. I flew in. It was like a long travel day, and then I got in. I plugged something in, and the fuse blew, and I was like, get me the fuck out of here. Well, I was going there in the 90s, and it was like so comfortable.

I love those. Yeah, that's a nice getaway. Oh, my God. Side splitter. All these clubs I used to work at, but they don't. I'm too old now. No, they'd love to have you. No, please.

Are you fucking kidding me? We love you, Judy. judy i love you guys i love doing stand up all right oh yeah i gave mine i'm out to lunch i'm on netflix check it out and uh yeah check out sam don't even do mine it's so depressing all right yeah do judy gold.com see how it is. I can't wait to see it. I'm doing a lot of TV, so that's good. Oh, you know what's crazy? I just watched a documentary about that actress, that director who was killed. Did you see me in it? I saw you in it.

It was like four in the morning. I was like, there's Judy. Raz Room. I don't know. I have a lot of shit, but whatever. Follow Judy on all social media. I think it's on Instagram. It's J-E-W-D-Y instagram is uh j-e-w-d-y yes judy gold on instagram on twitter following everything oh i gotta change

those photos i got new photos uh well anyway judy it's been so great having you oh my god i love you guys even though fucking mark norman farts in my fucking face well if it makes you feel any better i i hid the other six really yeah? Yeah, I muffled them. We lit candles for you right here. But it's also like they don't smell. Yeah, well, we got the candles here. Mark's designed for comedic effect. None of this is made to hurt us.

No, no. You know what's amazing is that when we're in the car, the kids, we can definitely tell by the smell who farted. Oh, really? Yeah. That's a good mom. Yeah. So Henry will be like, that was you.

I'm like, no. Henry's farts are the worst. I mean, yeah, we all. Yeah. Yeah. I'm very mature. Next time you're here, we'll do potato vodka. Yes.

Oh, my God. Yes. And I'll bring you some. Absolutely. That 1857 is so fucking good. Let's do it. Bring it on. Martinis, what do you think?

Woo! With some blue cheese olives. I'll do martinis. Yeah, motherfucker! We'll do classic steakhouse blue cheese olive martinis. No problem. Oh, my God. It's a date.

Thanks for listening, guys. Remember, Patreon at patreon.com slash we might be drunk pod. We might be drunk pod at gmail.com if you want to email us stuff. We love you. Thank you. New merch out there. Say hello. want to email us stuff we love you new merch out there say hello see you on the road thank you The Thank you.