We Might Be Drunk - Ep 7: Macallan 12 & Negroni

Episode Date: January 25, 2021

Mark and Sam get drunk and talk pet peeves, news, movies, and jokes

One more drink, one more drink You know in the morning for sure we gon' stink One more round, one more round It's 5 a.m., you pricks, the bar keep round This is what we do, catch up for a few We'll riff and talk some shit and then we'll sleep till two talk some shit and then we'll sleep till two hey here we are folks it's a hot one we got a new pod name let's get it right out of the gate we

fucked up again we fucked up and look it's not a big fuck up. Let's get it out of the gate. We fucked up again. We fucked up. And it's not a big fuck up. We didn't see it when we did the original search. We've changed the name of this podcast so many times. Yeah. It is now. And the podcast isn't even on the air anymore. But I just don't want to take another pod's name.

So let's get this out of the way. We are no longer. Yeah, this thing fluctuates like Oprah. All right. That was a 90s joke. It really was. You should have thrown Ricky Lake under the bus While you were at it

Holy shit Ricky Lake Donahue sucks Fuck Donahue Alright Take that the people's court With Ed Koch By the way

Judge Judy One of the richest people In America Unreal So rich Brooklyn Jew I I believe. I think so, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And Larry King. We're getting a lot. Oh, RIP. Yeah. We'll get into that later. We got a new segment. But let's, out of the gate, we are now called what, Mark? Ah, we are called We Might Be Drunk.

That's a new name. We Might Be Drunk. And I feel like it's like a disclaimer It lets us off the hook for what we might say Exactly It's a cool t-shirt that like a frat guy Would wear at a party We might be drunk

It's a good tumblr if you want to make We need logos If you want to send us logos Just tweet at both of us I don't know Is that the best system Mark? Tweet, DM. I check all the DMs like a fat chick.

So send them in. I'll read them. Or just a guy. Well, a guy is essentially a fat chick. We're desperate. We're horny. We're lonely. We're not hot.

But yeah. So yeah, send them in. And are we changing the email as well, I assume? Let's just keep the email for now. All right. All right. It's a mile long. Let's just keep it because it's easier.

Yeah, it's one more drink with Mark and Sam. Is that it? Or Sam and Mark. I'll double check. We'll figure that out later. Yeah, yeah. I'm telling you, we might be drunk at Gmail. It feels a lot easier, but I don't want to...

Well, let's keep this for now. We will eventually change it. Okay. But yeah, for now, we're still one more drink with Mark and Sam at Gmail. We'll change that. Beautiful. All right. Now we got the housekeeping out of the way.

How the hell are you? I'm good, man. How you doing? Good, good. I think that's... Don't tell me. Is that the old bar on 17th street?

No, oh wow Great guess, I think your guess would be Peter McManus No, no, I think it's called like Old New York bar, old bar No, I'm rocking PJ Clark's A little classic New York

Been here forever Great spot Cougar Central, by the way Yeah, oh yeah That was a That was like I was in the shit In Nam

Yeah Well, it was in the shit Great bar All right Dilfs, hot dilfs, milfs The whole Just rich people in general go there It's just a cool bar, though

It's just like a classic, great burgers I believe the original shut down, which is such a bummer It's in everything, it's in like Mad Men, Woody Allen would like go It's like old school New York Damn, they closed? I think the original did close, I could be wrong But yeah, bummer What's up with smith smith and

walensky's i feel like i see that everywhere never been yeah it's kind of like a ripoff of pj clark i think well it's a steakhouse right so it's i feel like if it's a ripoff of anything it's like you know oh my god by the way some guy fucking tore us apart i only read one email and this one dude just like tore us apart for our assessment on Phil Spector. And I was like, hey, man, we said out of the gate we don't know music. And he was like, how dare you? Here's another thing I'm going to say. We might be drunk.

We don't know. This is a free podcast, unless you're doing the Patreon, then it costs. But also, don't get so fucking worked up. This is an eavesdropping of two dudes Who are drunk at a bar That's what this podcast is We didn't say we're experts Yeah, that guy who wrote in angry

That guy needs one more drink I know that's the old name But we might be drunk We're rattling off shit We can keep the theme though It's still a drinking podcast Yes, yes, and speaking of that What the hell are you sipping on there?

I got a little Negron action, a little Negroni In my Syracuse funny bone mug I need new cups I need to get some new glasses here Great drink in a bad club Classic Classic drink From Italy

It's an Italian drink They love their Campari in Italy And I believe it was made, it's an italian drink they love their campari in italy and i believe it was made it was an americano in the late 40s so a guy was drinking an americano and he wanted to be stronger so he replaced the club soda with gin like it's it's such an alcoholic's drink that it was like just get more alcohol in here and lose club Soda it's like it was just Sweet vermouth Campari and gin It's like a total just like grab everything in the Bar I love shit like that

What the hell is vermouth I put it in all kinds of stuff I love a martini But I don't even know what it is Well martini you go dry vermouth And then yeah like a Negron or a Manhattan and people Already shouldn't I mean I'm seeing Manhattan with a D With my dumb fucking New York accent And then, yeah, like a Negron or a Manhattan. And people already shouldn't.

I mean, I'm seeing Manhattan with a D with my dumb fucking New York accent. But that's also sweet vermouth. I don't know. I think it's, I have no idea. It's like a, is it like a liqueur or something? I guess. Yeah, I think it is a liqueur, but I've drank it straight before and it's horrific. But it works when it's in stuff.

Yeah, that's a good point. I don't know. I don't know what it is. I'm sure there's an actor like that. There's probably an actor who's horrible on his own, but you put him in something and he's great. So many. Yeah, I'm trying to think. I don't know.

Christian Slater? He's fine on his own. Slater's good. He had a good run. Maybe Walken. Everybody loves Christopher Walken, but I don't know if he can carry a movie. He can carry a movie. Walken can carry a movie with the best of them.

Dead Zone? Dead Zone? What is this? What, are you going to Blockbuster? I haven't heard of that movie since 84. Oh, that was a good movie, man. Wow. You didn't see it?

I saw that on USA once with my dick in my hand in a hotel in Cincinnati. Dead Zone. Wow. I don't know what the saddest part of that story was. Dead Zone, Cincinnati, or dick in my hand. Probably the dick. But let's see. I think he was in Suicide.

No, what was that movie? Deer Hunter. He had other people, but he's in Deer Hunter. He's in Walking Canen can handle shit. I get what you're saying. He crushes it as a supporting player. Right. Maybe Favreau.

Graydon Swingers. But I don't know if he can hold a movie on his shoulders. Yeah, but now he's like the Mandalorian director. He did Iron Man. He's doing all right. He's doing great. I love Swingers. I love the whole story behind that. He's just a young's doing all right. He's doing great. I love swingers. I love it. I love the whole story behind that.

You know, just a young kid from Queens trying to make it. And he he got Doug Lyman to direct it. Great director. Oh, yeah. All right. So I'm going to be. Oh, yeah. What do you got? Oh, sorry. I got the get the round ball. You know, I've been mixing it up. I had an I hadog, whatever the hell that was, with bourbon. Then I had an old... What did I have? An old-fashioned... So tonight, I'm just going straight down the

pipe, baby. Oh, McKellen 12. Well done. Oh, yeah. Look at that little cutie. God damn this shit. It's fading out like Back to the Future. But, yeah. We're gonna pour that puppy right on top of that round ice.

Love a McKellen, man. Classic. Oh, yeah. Can't go wrong. I miss those at the cellar. I think we talked about that when I had one on the show, episode one or two, back when we were one more drink and we were just kids with a dream. Yeah, those were the days. Yeah, were just kids with a dream. Yeah.

Those were the days. Yeah, man. McKellen can't go wrong. Scotch. Ooh, and you do the round cube, man. Oh, game changer. It's got just a little bit of kick, but it's still smooth. I think it's one of the most tasty Scotches, I think.

Double cask. It's a classic. It's a classic It's a classic So what's going on with you, man? How you been? Good, I just got back from Oklahoma City And it's one of those cities that flying to is a cunt and a half It's like eight layovers and two changes And a baggage claim and all that

It's a nightmare Yeah, how was the hotel? It's fine I got a Spring. Yeah. How was the hotel? That's fine. I got a spring Hill suites. I like a mediocre hotel. I want middle of the road. Yeah. Because the nice hotels,

you go to a four seasons, the wifi is $18. The breakfast is a million dollars. You know why? Right. Because they got in on the wifi early. I think they got in like early. So then they were like,

they paid a lot of money for whatever system they have. something like weird but then like the shittier hotels were like yeah it's free yeah exactly then you get a free breakfast and you know there's coffee in the lobby you know you try to get a coffee at four seasons it's you know 17.99 or whatever oh my god don't you hate that shit hate it and it's too hip, I got 17 pillows with tassels on them and a big bed frame. I don't know. I don't need all that. Just give me a towel and a TV, and I'm good. Yeah.

No, I'm with you. If I'm booking it myself, I take a buyout, I am going to book a boutique-y hotel just because I want a cool hotel. I want to see a new. I'm sick of the chains, but, like, if I'm going to be in a chain, put me in like a best Western with like a good free breakfast. And like, it's just down the middle. I'm cool with it.

I'm down with it. Same, same. The, the, the lady comes in, she's nice. She's,

you know, some kind of crazy Hispanic race and she's cool as shit. She's in there, you know, what's going on? Not to get too eighties on you, but what's going on with these, uh, these, uh, housekeeping ladies. Like they're i'm going i'm good i'm good and they just

never hear they want to come in and these airlines with the peanuts i mean come on i can't no i'm with you it is weird when they're they just knock on the door and you're like i got the do not disturb sign on what are we doing yeah and why i'm i'm giving you less work you know why would you want to come hey they get paid by the room is that right i'm pretty i'm pretty sure i we need someone to fact check this but i think that's why they're so aggressive about it all right well that would make sense because they really they're they're like they're shoving it in it's too much lay off uh chiquita i don't know that That's a black name. Rosalita. There we go.

I like that you thought that made it less offensive. Let me just change it to another race that's not me. Well, I got the Hispanic part. But yeah, good to be back. I'm glad we changed the name to We Might Be Drunk. I might have been drunk. That's why I said it. Exactly.

I was altered. I was a different person But yeah, great weekend Great to be back I got up at 5am To get the flight, and you don't get home until 6pm It's like a 12 hour travel day Oh my god, that's brutal The layover now too, yeah that's horrible

I didn't do shows this weekend I did do a couple shows during the week Just running new stuff But I'll tell you what I did do a couple shows during the week, just running new stuff. But I'll tell you what I did do last night. I watched the fight. Oh, I just watched it. Unbelievable. That was, I mean, all the fights were pretty good.

That guy, Chandler, was pretty amazing, too. But the McGregor fight, you're like, holy shit, man. I'm not a big fight guy, but maybe I'll get into it. It's kind of fun. I mean, that was a special case because, you know, they fought before. McGregor wiped the floor with him, I think, in the first round. Yeah, but it was like seven years ago, though. No, it wasn't that long.

Yeah, yeah. They were both 25, and now they're both 32. Yeah. You sure about that? 2014, I'm sure. Yeah. Poirier versus McGregor because they kept saying that. Dude, he also, so So funny Poirier is like

The best guy you just hear him speak And you're just like I just love this dude He was like And another thing like anyone who like works it Immediately back to their foundation I'm like alright He's a good dude Yes yes a good fight foundation He's friends with Theo Vaughn he's from Louisiana

I love this guy He uh I went to a UFC Fight with Theo Vaughn he's from Louisiana I love this guy like he uh I went to a UFC fight with Theo Vaughn like five years ago and Poirier was there and he won and he got out of the octagon and hugged Theo and I was like how big are you I know you have a mullet but like I didn't know you knew every fighter this is crazy yeah well it's also, it's funny when certain guys like Stipe Maocic is another one who- I love that guy. I love that guy. But he also is just like a bad motherfucker, but he's like a volunteer firefighter.

I know. How cool is that? It's like, as if you're not likable enough. I met him once. I have his fucking- I have his phone number, which is completely- I did a scene with him on Billions, and we spent the whole day together. It was Dan Soder's character

Mephi was fighting, that was the episode And What? Who are you? You're in Joker? You know Stipe? I don't know who you are anymore Okay, here's the thing It's like Soder's Corner Brian Koppelman and David Levine Who created Billions are like

The coolest guys They make the show very hip obviously but like the corner For the show is like I forgot who was in The other guy's corner but in Soder's corner It was Tim Ferriss you know Me who was Supposed to be his burnout friend

And then Stipe Miocic Who was the fighter and You know I didn't really know him So I was kind of just like shooting the shit with him And I'm sure he loved that The fact that everyone else was like oh my god can I have a picture And I was just like oh what's up man So I'm sure that made it easier

He seems like a regular knock around guy Like firefighter Likes to drink beers and watch football Or whatever And he's 6'5 I think Huge and so fucking cool Wow Yeah, I ended up texting him once because I was at Hilarity

I was like, I can't make it tonight, but next time I was like, he's a good guy though, he responded Oh my god, that's incredible Wow, he's a Croatian sensation I would never have the balls to do that, but he was like, tell me when you're in Cleveland I was like, alright Yeah, how cool is that? He was very cool

I always assume, because I used to watch him. How cool is that? He was very cool. I always assumed because I used to watch him fight and you go, oh, his name is Stipe. He's Croatian. So I always assumed he was from there because of his name and everything because I never heard him talk. And then I saw him on Rogan. He sounds like a fucking mook. He's like, hey, what's going on? You know, he's just like a big beefcake.

Yeah, dude. And he I did. I got into him because he was so cool. I I'm just, I don't know a lot about fighting. It's not my, like I'm in a, I'm in a basketball. I like baseball football. I'm not really, I don't know a lot about fighting. So I kind of got into him after cause like, wow, what a great guy. Let me look him up. I'm like, oh, he's like one of the greatest fighters to ever live. That's I'm a dumb fuck. Yeah. I think he literally is the heavyweight champion right now he beat uh we don't have to go too into it but uh he beat this guy dc who's also amazing yeah daniel cormier and

he beat him because they fought twice well they fought three times but cormier beat him once and he's just a great striker great boxer but then stipe was like all right he might be better at boxing than me so i have to figure out a plan and he went in with a plan and won he just kept dodging his punches and punching uh him in the liver and it worked and eventually the guy just crumbled and he beat the shit out of him like i love fighting i love smart fights like that yeah he was talking about it last night it's hilarious by the way the guy who hated us the phil specter guy is now like please never talk about fighting again you fucking idiots no uh yeah no it was uh it was interesting to hear him talk about it he was

saying like miyotich is in the best shape of his life it was very cool so i'm definitely gonna watch i'll start watching this stuff it's fun i need stuff to do it's so unpredictable that's the beauty of it i mean i guess all sports are but like i really thought i hate to say it i thought connor was gonna take him Especially in the first round I felt like he was dominating And then Poirier Pulled out some fucking leg kicks

And it was pretty great That's what all the experts Were saying Like if he It favors Conor In the first round But then after that Because Poirier's

Conditioning is so good That it was You know If it goes further It's all his So Right right Yeah It's crazy too Like if you would've bet on Poirier Is so good that it was If it goes further it's all his Right right yeah

It's crazy too like if you would have bet on Poirier You would have made so much money too Damn now you're fucking Watch this become degenerate gamblers I always think about that I'm like I watch basketball I'm like I knew that was going to happen I feel like I should

But I don't eh I just like it so much that I don't need it I feel like gambling all the time is for people that like Need that extra thing and aren't as into it. I love it enough to just watch it. That's true. I mean, they literally say, let's make this interesting. You know, that's what they say when they bet. Artie Lang used to have a great joke about you want to make a football game exciting. Bet a thousand dollars in the Giants when you only have 500 in your account. Exciting, bet $1,000 On the Giants when you only have $500 In your account Man

That guy lives Legend He's Unbelievable, he's so funny He's probably the funniest guy at a table To talk to He can talk about anything And he's interesting and captivating

Coolest dude Quick wit, brilliant storyteller Yeah, I love Artie, I miss him I hope we see him at some point, man I know, and his backstory is like Something out of a You know, like an old 50s Rebel without a cause thing

He was like a pool hustler And he would get into fist fights and he sold drugs And all this shit There is a story in his dad, in his book Where his where his dad you know would take him to the yankees games and he was like when they won the world series he was like all right i can't go on the game on the field after they win but i can throw you on the field and then say oh my god my son i have to get him so he's like i'm gonna throw you on the field wow and he and he and it happened and they got to like march the field with the Yankees

As they won the World Series It was kind of touching That's incredible, man I wish my dad was like that But my dad wore a rumpled suit and was a lawyer And I'm like, what a nerd Now I'm kind of glad he was that way Oh my god, isn't that weird when you grow up

And you're like, oh man You look at your friends growing up Who have like eccentric weird parents You're like, I wish my parents And then you're like, thank god man, you look at your friends growing up who have, like, eccentric, weird parents. You're like, I wish my parents. And then you're like, thank God. Yes. Thank God that wasn't the case. I know.

I had a friend whose dad smoked weed and drank, like, fucking high life all day. And he wore a wife beater. And he would, like, fix the lawnmower, you know, outside. And I was like, wow, what a cool dad. And he's like, oh, he hits me. He hits my mom. He's in jail tomorrow you know now i'm glad my dad's a fucking dweeb yeah i used to have a bit about that the dad who does

he smokes weed with the kids you're like this guy's awesome then you grow up you're like oh it turns out he's a he's a grown man who does drugs with children so it turns out he's not turns out he's not that cool uh right right but it's so true you always think that's the cool parent and then you grow up and they're like yikes yeah yeah and i used to go home and be like oh dad you're such a nerd you know you're doing your taxes like a fucking douche you know and my dad was like yeah whatever you're doing your taxes it's such a good burn and i was like ah you're you're on the grid you grid You're sucking up to the man What about those parents That are like I'd rather you do it here

Than out there And it's kind of like let them do it out there Don't be responsible for a bunch of 12 year olds Getting fucked up in your supervision That's almost creepier I completely agree My dad was like get out of my face Go outside

Go break some shit He did not want me around Make it a challenge Don't just give him the keys to your liquor cabinet At 12 and be like, knock yourself out Yeah, exactly Go explore, go fuck around And do shit

That's too insular Now you're drunk around your mom You got her in a headlock Like, hey, you put on weight, cunt You know, it doesn't work It's not a good lifestyle What, uh, yeah It's not a good lifestyle at all

What about, uh Getting drunk around other people's parents was awesome Yeah That was Yeah, I'm so grateful Like, I remember Really thinking it was cool That I knew kids Who smoked weed

With their parents And now I'm like I can't even imagine Being high with my mom I think it would be The worst thing ever Oh god That's a nightmare

I'm on edge Around my mom already If I was high It would be It would be a nightmare Yeah I just feel like It's like the last person I want to get baked

Like I love my mom I just don't want to do drugs with her. But the kids who do hard drugs with their mom, they're just like, oh, fuck. Yeah. Remember when you realized that parents were just older versions of you? Because you used to look at their parents. It was like another sector. It was like another group.

And then you're like, oh, you're just Me A few years later You're just me with a mortgage Yeah Yeah it's fucking weird It's weird It's weird because you kind of I mean you used to have a great bit about it About how you're like

Oh these drunks are just making it up As they go along You know Oh yeah right I mean True story It's so But it's

You know You look at them with reverence And you're like Oh my god It's They're so important And they're They know They know more than me And then with reverence and you're like, oh, my God, they're so important and they know more than me. And then you grow up and you're like, they were faking it a little bit. Of course, of course. And then your mom pulls your dad aside like, why did you say that?

I said no to that. You said, yes, you're killing me here. Like these weird power dynamics, you know, and you had no idea all the behind the scenes stuff. One of my favorite lines in The Sopranos ever is after they get into an argument with meadow i think she wants to go to like spain and do like a year abroad or something and it's a whole fight and they're like what do you do like what do you oh no not even a year abroad she wants to get a year off find her and and they fight and she runs away and and carm to Tony and she's like, what are we going to do when she realizes that we're powerless? Wow, that's heavy.

That's fucking great. That's a great line. It's so true. That nails it. Yeah. We have friends now with little kids who have to discipline them. And I'm like, I've seen you do blow off a stripper's ass. And now you're like, hey Ricky, you know, put that down

Yeah, exactly Yeah, dude, I'm so not good At being around kids I was with Salacuse the other day, our buddy And we were just walking around, he's with Charlie, the little kid And as we're walking, I forget the kid's there So I'm like, man, do you hear about that lunatic At 110th Street on the subway the other night

And he hits me and I'm like He was giving out candy to everybody. It was crazy. He just kept handing out candy. And he's just like, you fucking asshole. You hear about that knife-wielding lunatic on the 110th Street stop who just was like butt naked? Oh, yeah. Crazy.

Yeah. Yeah. Ended up dying. Really? Pulled someone onto the tracks Another guy jumps on to save that guy Good Samaritan And then the naked guy got burned by the third rail

Whoa But the other guys are okay The other Yeah, they had like They went to the hospital But it wasn't serious Wow I mean, I don't know if they're okay

They're a little shook up, I'm sure I'm sure they're not gonna to take the subway for a while. Wow, man. New York's back, huh? We're back, baby. Every news story I see is like, you know, I saw one where a squirrel was wielding a knife. Did you see that one? A squirrel?

There's a squirrel in Harlem in some lady's backyard. He's holding a knife. It's like, Jesus, this town is out of control. It's weird that we do get kind of happy because it's like, you know what? It is craziness, but for some reason I'm like, yeah, it's like people are still here and they're still dealing with the bullshit. And that kind of speaks to the resilience of the city. I don't know why it makes me happy, but like, I do feel like the people that stuck it out and stuck around, I kind of like, all right, you get a little, you get a little extra New York honor. You get a little New York badge of honor respect. Yeah, definitely. Especially all these,

these Brooklyn queefs I see who bitch and moan all day. Then, then now they have Instagram videos of them at their parents' beach house. So like, I'm getting out of New York, you know, and I'm like, I thought you were this artist I thought you were this struggling, you know Starving artist, and now I realize, oh, you're Fucking loaded, your parents live in Connecticut On the lake Well, it's also just like a fucking It's like, how is that good for your art?

Yeah, yeah Well, they just don't want to be uncomfortable Running away from your life Is not good for art. Exactly. Good point. But I guess they're like, I live in a shoebox. I have no money anyway.

And now I can't work. So I got to leave. But like, hey, come on. We stuck it out. I think pivoting is important right now. And I think you should, you know, find ways to create despite, you know, although I guess so many people have a podcast now They could probably do that from wherever but You know if you really want to be a comic there's ways

To get around this I think Yeah yeah you gotta adapt you gotta get creative You start a pod like we did or you do A web series or Put out a special on YouTube whatever it takes You gotta stay relevant Gotta hustle man yeah it's uh It's such a

Fucking weird time it's like It's funny it's like i was doing like an outdoor show and some guy drives by on the sidewalk on like a dirt bike and i'm like that's not legal then i was like wait what i'm doing is not legal either this is all illegal good point yeah it's it's the wild west and and we're all in on it it's weird how it's become normal you know like everything is was crazy. But now it's all we talk about is vaccine. We had a crazy election. There's fucking people riding at the Capitol.

Like everything just keeps one upping. Not that that's normal, but like everything is just like. The vaccine is every every conversation we were like. I know. It's funny when it's like the people that are lining up, how like there was word they were like, ah, they're going to go bad. So people show up at the end of the night like they're fucking muffins at starbucks you're like can i have one i gotta get that cronut they're running out oh i didn't know that no people at the end of the night were like there's extra vaccines okay they're gonna have to throw them out so yeah but then

there's other places like mount sinai where they didn't get the vaccines in but they took appointments and then they ended up not getting them in So those people didn't even get vaccines So it's a fucking mess obviously But you knew that was going to happen Yeah but you also got to be grateful You know the polio vaccine took 14 years to perfect 14 damn

And now we've knocked it out in like 9 months or 8 months It's pretty crazy Yeah I think that what was the record for a vaccine Before this is like years it was it was yeah what like six years or so i don't i don't know so i don't know either there was something it was a lot somebody's pissed in the uh inbox phil specter guy and another thing yeah he's got a lab coat on don't don't talk about vaccines if you don't okay we won't talk about anything we don't know anything Does that make you happy?

You fucking piece of shit Yeah, people are upset I think it gives him a personality He knows about Phil Spector He cares about it And so if we fuck it up We fucked it, I understand it I'm fucking around

I've been drinking We might be drunk We might be drunk McAllen's going down easy. The problem with these airplane bottles is I'm about to kill a bottle. Literally, I'm about to finish a bottle, and it's bad for you mentally. It's also like a little badge of honor where you're like, yeah, I finished. It's like a short story.

You're like, I completed it. You know what I mean? It's not a whole thing. It's not as intimidating So you almost You do more Yeah well I'll tell you This is a real page turner I can't put it down

Well I'm gonna I'm gonna go up I'm switching drinks right now Because I brought one to my desk Because I had a feeling I'd want to keep going So I'm gonna do a little Light drink now

A little Campari and soda Oh I do a little Here's a little Samorelle life hack here If you want to know if you're a drinker Or if you just want to show And you don't want to get too fucked up

But you want to have a few of these Sam's a hack for life So you put a little Campari in there Lemon Spindrift The seltzer Bam you got a nice little drink right there That's great Those little carbonated things are just made for cocktails

It's the best The best, Jerry So good You're talking about being bad around kids I have two nieces One is six and one is two And I am the worst uncle Not the worst, the worst is touching

But I'm like a horrible uncle because i they're like mark they're like playing with like showing me pictures they drew and paintings and stuff i'm like yeah how about that pretty good and i like punch her in the shoulder i i can't connect it's it's there's a wall up it's so bad you're like can i bounce a bit off you like he's four why yeah yeah i'm like how about this fauci dude natterman has the best uncle joke have you heard that joke uh how's it go where he goes you know if you're if you're a bad dad that can mean a lot of things right we don't know exactly what that means if you're a bad uncle we know exactly what you did that's fucking perfect so concise i love it he he's so good

at that he's his marriage joke I'm so jealous of Where he's like It's a classic You know marriage If it was a car You'd never buy it Like how's this car running Well it's not easy

It's like Bam Nailed it One word It's not easy Yeah and then the turn Is like Then you hear about

The new Game of Thrones You got to It's amazing Right That bit's great Yeah Natterman Is some great bits Yeah check out his Letterman Dan Natterman If you haven't seen it It's a killer Letterman He's, Natterman has some great bits Yeah, check out his Letterman, Dan Natterman

If you haven't seen it, it's a killer Letterman He's got Natterman stuff Also check out Andrew Rivers, young comic Funny guy, he's got a new YouTube special Give it a YouTube search, check it out I've worked with him before, good dude and a funny dude So support and show some love

Yeah, we're all about the YouTube specials Baby i mean uh tyler fisher he's a funny guy love him yeah another special energetic different should have been on snl they missed out on that one he's a he's a talent uh mike cannon's got one joe list uh yana dave smith so many people yeah yeah oh man uh so yeah i mean so much i mean the list is endless but uh but support check it out and you know you could always use more comedy that's the thing it's like sometimes i'll just watch something and like laugh and you're like yeah you forget how valuable that shit is man like i know when you're having like a rough day when you're down in the dumps you watch just a fucking new funny thing It's fucking great I was watching this show

How to with John Wilson Have you seen that? Oh dude I wrecked that Last week I couldn't think of the name Yeah I think you mentioned it to me In a text and then Salacuse mentioned it to me In a text so I watched the first couple I love it I love this guy It's like documentary meets comedy

Is it real? It's real He's a weirdo He's not feeding these people with shit to say Some of it's almost too perfect I know the amount of footage this guy has Salacuse told me a funny story I read an article about him

And he said The IRS hit him up And they're like like you're writing everything off this is crazy and he goes no i just carry a camera around me i'm always working literally and they're like you can't just write off 24 hours or 12 hours of your day you don't have a job and he's like no this is what i do and they came to his house and he showed them the stack of zillions of tapes and they were like okay okay he looked like a hoarder they're like we gotta get the fuck out of here so he's incredible man yeah i love it it's i mean you know what was brilliant about the show to me is that like it borders on making fun of these

people and then he has that moment with the end at the end of the pilot where this young he's he go the if people haven't seen it he just documents. He ends up going to Cancun to get a vacation, but it's MTV spring break. So it's like, it's a nightmare. He's at the resort and he's with this young kid who's like, seems like a bit much. He's like,

wants to be a rapper and he's like a white kid. And he's like, you're like, all right. And then he tells a story about his friend dying. And you realize that's why he's in Cancun. He's like, why is this kid here alone

And then you're like oh fuck He does a good job of like bordering on making fun of people But then showing that they're three dimensional Yes And it's kind of It's a hard line to walk And he does it really well It has warmth as well

Yes And you realize he's lonely Did you see the one with the neighbor or his landlord Who's that old Polish lady Oh my god I can't wait I'm loving it It's great it's warm it's like you said It's got heart but it's silly and a lot of visual gags

And just the footage he gets He's just filming an EMT walking out with a gurney And they drop the body And he's like oh shit and they put it back And that's just a random shot he got in Brooklyn somewhere it's incredible it's incredible and he yeah it's just so funny

yeah I it's funny Salak is like I don't know if you'll like it I'm like what am I fucking made of stone come on man I don't like when people are like they recommend something like I don't know if you'll like I love it I don't know if you'll like it and you're like right I'm sorry am I you'll like it. I love it. I don't know if you'll like it. And you're like, oh, I'm sorry. Am I not up to your fucking standard comedically, motherfucker?

I hate that shit. Well, I get what he's saying because it's not exactly comedy. It's deeper. It's like kind of a people. It is comedy, though. It's definitely funny, but you wouldn't go into it like it's a Jim Carrey movie. You know, it's like. That's not all I like.

Well, I'm not saying you. I wouldn't recommend this to. You know when someone's like, you're like all i like well i'm not saying you i'm i wouldn't recommend this you know when someone's like you're like i remember a guy once said this to me watching this like she's from like england or something some comic and i was laughing really hard she's really funny forgot her name and uh years ago so many years ago and the guy turns to me goes oh i didn't think you would like her and i'm like what the fuck does that mean i have to like everyone who's like me what makes you think i love myself well you know i don't know i just i want to say this though the the dj guy or the rapper guy i remember being that kind of guy yeah me too just lost you're going out to florida to try to get laid and try to make friends and you're getting drunk as shit every night doing drugs,

and you just want a connection, and you've got nothing. It's like you're just floating in space. You've got nothing to hold on to. That's why comedy is such a godsend for guys like us. Well said. Yeah, I feel the same way. We drank so hard when we were young. I think we were searching for that connection.

I feel like there were nights between us when we were young comics where we just fucking linked up and talk for hours you know we'd be at a bar whatever at a club whatever we were but it's like that shit is hard to find so if you're young and you're searching for that shit it's there you will find people like you or that connect to you it is it is a challenge though you know when you're young And you're like I feel like I'm not like These people because that kid wasn't Like those other kids right right He was different he was weirder

He was quirkier and they were like you Know hot dudes fist pumping And like smoking hot girls and bikinis And he thought like hey they're Cool I'll be cool I'm cool but they don't Accept but he was in pain too It's it's also interesting when you're in pain and you're trying to maybe internalize it by being like, I'll just go party. And it's like, well, that's not how pain works.

You don't get rid of pain by going to Cancun and doing fucking, you know, send your frogs or whatever the fuck you're doing. But when you're that young, that's all you know. Because I did that. I was like, I'm bummed out I'm depressed I'm sad I'm lonely Let's get shit faced

And you know The saddest guy That you know Just kept upping the partying It was like booze Weed Pills Coke

Then eventually heroin And then who knows what And then you get to methamphetamine And that's when you become cool again So give it a shot guys Get in there It keeps you in line You know It sobers you up yeah before you know it you're you're repairing the vacuum cleaner in the front lawn but yeah it's uh it's it's a dark time like i always am thankful for

comedy just because i have something to work towards that i care about because i think that's one of the biggest keys to happiness everybody's like, you gotta meditate And you gotta, you know, whatever But I think it's mostly finding a path That fits you and just going towards it Yeah, and just finding people that you connect with Like, connecting is so hard And it's funny, like, I feel like we can enjoy alcohol more now Because we are connected

Like, I could hang out with you without alcohol But when you're young And, I mean, that's why you drink on a first date, right? Because you're not connected to that person. So you're like, this is a social lubricant. Let me fucking lube it up right now. Yeah. Whereas with, you know, your friends, you know, guess what?

If you got to get fucked up with your friend all the time, that's not your friend. That's your drinking buddy. It's a difference, right? Big difference. You're my friend who i drink with right right right yes but we could do both like if you were going sober january or whatever the hell it's called dry january we could still hang but if you want to get fucked up i'll do that too which is a good place to be with a friend man people that are sober that is a challenge i really think about that all the time like i think about going places sober ah like that is i mean i like

i don't understand like i need to get fucked up i'm like having like a drink or two yeah like it's something to do but showing up sober those people credit. I don't know how many sober listeners we have, but like shouts out to people that go to things without a substance inside them. Yeah. That shit ain't easy. It ain't easy. And even holding a beer,

just having that beer in your hand at the party or the bar, that's a load off. That takes off like 20% of the edge. Fuck even drinking it. Just holding it You go to the bar Now I have something to do I'll put the money down

I'll grab a beer It's like holding a gun If something goes wrong I got this here Yeah, this will save me You know But yeah, it's tough And like you said

A first date without drinking Like how many sober people do we know That are like I haven't been laid in six months I'm like, what are you crazy? Like, but I don't drink I don't know what to do Right no it's tough it's it's a challenge yeah yeah and some people come from like alcoholic families and you kind of get why they don't so

it's kind of like i've never tried alcohol and you're like i get that like i totally i've never tried cocaine and that shocks people me neither never tried it you've never done coke i've never done coke that's what we have in common. That's so weird. I've never done it because it looks fun. You see the movies. I don't know. I just, I don't like the idea of snorting something.

Yeah, I just don't, you know. I'll fucking, I'll freebase it. If you want to fucking send us some cocaine. No, it doesn't look like it's it's not what I want. I knew a kid who killed himself in New York City because he did too much blow.

I'm sure he had other problems too but he jumped out of like a 30-story window and he fucking Pussy. Sorry. Wait, I didn't know he jumped. I was doing

that was a cocaine joke. Shit, sorry. I didn't know it was going to go that dark So wait, he did blow and then jumped? He just did a ton I think it gave him the courage to end it I think that's what it was, yeah Wow

I had two friends die of heroin One was methadone And he died, OD'd on it And one guy died of heroin One was methadone And he died OD'd on it And one guy died of heroin It's like It was These were party animal guys These were like fun

Guys But they were bummed out It's funny to call a heroin addict A party animal This dude's a fucking party animal He just passed out in a dumpster You're like Eh

I mean It's a weird party I guess I don't know Right Foaming at the mouth He's twitching That guy He fucking rages That guy, he fucking rages

That guy parties Well that's what they say when they give you a coke You party Yeah, I never liked coke heads That was like the one Cosby joke Where he cursed, remember? I think you might have mentioned this in a past episode But like, cocaine intensifies your personality

What if you're an asshole? Killer joke I mean, it's like a two-minute laugh break it's insane yeah because he never cursed so it meant more i guess it's funny i remember i did a gig in uh st louis once uh i mean many times but this time was like the valley park funny bone which is no longer there in between a gun shop and a bird store so it's got all your needs laughs guns birds whatever you're into and i remember one of the shows i was there for like five shows and i had the same agent as mick foley the wrestler mankind and uh he said hey he's doing a show there it's an extra show would you want to host it and i was like fuck yeah i want to open for Mankind Are you kidding me?

I loved Mick Foley Legit read his book when I was a kid Wow Oh, he was such a lovable wrestler He was like the tough guy He took the worst beating of anybody And he kind of reveled in it And of course he was the sweetest guy on the planet But he followed me on stage

By going, man, that Sam Funny guy, but he followed me on stage by going, man, that's Sam. Funny guy, but he curses a lot, that guy. Well, I'm going to give myself one curse. I get one curse a whole set. And he waited for it. And he's not a comic. He's a storyteller, but his stories were fascinating. And he turned to someone and he goes, you tell me what to do.

And the guy pointed and he goes, fuck. He said, fuck in the story. And it crushed. Oh, there you go. There's something about that tension, guy pointed and he goes fuck He said fuck in the story and it crushed Oh there you go There's something about that tension not knowing when he's gonna say Fuck and knowing he's like a family type comedian You know it was funny That's pretty brilliant that way to set

That up like that cause you're just kinda on edge Like oh when's it gonna come when's it gonna happen It was really good It was really good Also I love that that's the difference between us And guys like him. It's so funny how some people are so puritanical or whatever the hell you call that. Because that guy will slam a dude's face with a folding chair and throw him off the top rope.

But he won't say fuck. Well, he lost part of his ear in fucking barbed wire from a barbed wire match. We're just like, first off, you should know something's's gonna go wrong When it's called a barbed wire match I don't care if it's fake You should know you're walking into a shit show here I know and those guys are all Booze bags and pill heads and they're all Fucking beat up

They have to be Think how hard we do the road and then think of pro wrestlers Who are physically getting beaten up Oh my god Dude the Ric flair documentary the andre the giant documentary it's all about who'd get the most fucked up i mean those dudes were fucking wild rick flair rules uh he really does he fucking rules that guy's awesome when i was a kid were you into wrestling as a kid not real i i liked it but i wasn't i didn't follow it or

anything i didn't i was so into like guys like Bret Hart and Razor Ramon and all those like WWF guys. I mean, they were so charismatic. It was like I loved sports and I loved entertainment. This is sports entertainment. Right, right. Yeah, it's dramatic too. Like, you're going down. You know, they'd fight Vince McMahon and he'd be pissed or whatever.

Stone cold, man. I liked that it was fake. Everybody's like, can you believe it's fake? And I'm like, yeah, that's what's cool about it It's like a play with dudes Body slamming dudes It's like a play for people that don't think the Holocaust happened It's

Yeah, exactly This is like Macbeth If you think evolution was a ruse Right Both are fake No, I loved wrestling, man I really I loved all those guys You think evolution was a ruse Right Both are fake But yeah No I loved wrestling man I really

Like I I loved all those guys Shawn Michaels So fucking entertaining Yeah No it was definitely cool The character Million dollar man

Ted DiBiase And There was a guy named IRS He was a villain Of course He was just He was Ted DiBiase's guy IRS

He was like I just fucking I, he was Ted DiBiase's guy, IRS. He was like, I just fucking I get your taxes. Everyone's like, boo. We had to have one Jew, I guess. Oh, if you think that guy was a Jew, I'm flattered. That was not a Jew. You're a million dollar man.

You've got to be a Jew. Yeah, it's wild. Wrestling has really progressed As crazy female wrestlers There's more diversity It's a whole new ballgame It's great I don't watch it really anymore

How many things can you watch? You gotta make choices Growing up I loved Macho Man That was my guy He was fucking funny, that guy He was funny Oh, yeah!

It's fucking gold, man What about, give me a rec Like, give me, what do you recommend this week? Well, I hate to be a hack But I gotta push the Tiger Doc Okay, I'm gonna watch it this week Oh, man, it's so good And they don't really

You know, a lot of these Are just like The scandal Let's ruin this guy And it's not about that It's like Really about like Getting at the heart of

How fucked up His childhood was And how crazy Of an athlete he was Shit Which is cool They don't just like Ruin him

Obviously he did crazy shit And horrible shit But like And it's a lot about His father Son dynamic right Exactly yeah But And now his son Looks like he's gonna be A great golfer Obviously, he did crazy shit and horrible shit. And it's a lot about his father-son dynamic, right? Exactly, yeah. And now his son looks like he's going to be a great golfer.

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Are you into golf at all? I like to swing a club, but I don't play it. I'll do the driving range all day. Are you good? Oh, dude, we got to go out to Chelsea Piers.

I can't fucking. I can't do shit. I'm terrible at it I'm terrible but it's fun I mean you just hang You drink beers you bullshit I would do that let's fucking do that It's super fun it's super laid back But like doing the links

I'm clueless Yeah no that's like a whole thing Yeah you gotta get a caddy That's how much work sucks they get excited To take a day off and golf. I know. I know. Yeah.

Well, you ever heard that great Tom Driesen joke? No. What is it? This joke's been morphed in 18 different jokes. It's been stolen. But he had it in like the 70s. He's like, oh, man, my wife. I came home one day.

She was naked. She was tied up to the bed. She said, do whatever you want to me. He said, all right, I'm going to play golf. Classic. Oh, no, wait. Do whatever you right, I'm going to play golf. Classic. Oh, no, wait. Do whatever you want. I'm going to play golf.

To me. Yeah. I ruined it. He's got some of the best wife jokes. Yeah, yeah. I messaged with him for a while on Facebook. Really? Yeah, because I just messaged.

Like, I remember reading that book, I'm Dying Up Here, and, like, what a stand he took and, like, what a fucking good dude he seemed to be. So I was just messaging him. I was like, hey, man, really respect what you did. And he was so nice. We messaged back and forth a bit. And he, yeah, yeah, very cool guy. Was, like, one of the first of that crew to get on Carson back in the 70s. Right.

He was Sinatra's opener. I mean, come on. What a resume. Those guys' stories. Yeah. Actually, you just reminded me i think you just sent me a message i got to respond to that guy so i gotta i gotta say yeah yeah he's a cool dude he's a very cool dude and uh you know yeah he was like real deal i think he fucking cleaned up on

corporates back in the day too oh yeah yeah he's got to i mean just saying sinatra's opener he's clean as a whistle he's like It's like a silver fox good looking Guy blazer on but a tough Guy from Chicago oh All right yeah yeah he's like a tough dude He's got that great joke He's like he's like ah my wife Yeah she says she loves me but she doesn't

Love me as much as the dog the wife's like no I love You more than a dog I trust me and he's like I don't know I think the dog loves me more and he's like Harry How about this I'm gonna put you Both in the trunk Drive around for an hour When I open the trunk Who's gonna be happy To see me

That's great That's fucking strong I know That's a great point You're like The dog's always happy My one qualm is It's just that the dog

Doesn't remember Obviously The dog's got no memory But it is a good joke my one qualm is it's just that the dog doesn't remember. Obviously. The dog's got no memory, but it is a good joke. Hey, folks. Quick update. We totally forgot we got an ad. Our first official ad for the podcast.

You guys are going to love it. Lucy Nicotine. Look, we all got vices. Everybody's hooked on something. I don't care who you are. I got a friend who quit smoking. Now he loves nicotine gum. He chews it every day.

And look, nicotine is not bad for you. It's just the smoking that gets you. So get on board. This is good stuff. Nicotine gum is a company. Oh, sorry. Lucy Nicotine is a company founded by Caltech scientists to make a tobacco alternative that doesn't taste bad. Researched and developed for three years to be made for people, not patients. They got wintergreen, cinnamon, pomegranate, and cherry ice flavor lozenge.

Yeah, cherry ice, baby. That's the stuff right there. Pomegranate, that's healthy. Come on. Pomegranate seeds can get better. Antioxidants, right? And everyone I talk to about this stuff say it tastes good too. So get on this stuff.

Just for our listeners, go to lucy.co. That's lucy.co. And use promo code DRINK to get 20% off all products, including gum or lozenges. Lucy.co. Promo code DRINK at checkout. Also remember, warning, this product contains nicotine derived from tobacco. Nicotine is an addictive chemical, but if you go to Lucy.co and be sure to use that promo code DRINK, you'll get 20% off today.

Yeah, quit smoking, get healthier, and get some gum. They mail it right to your house. You get a subscription. It comes right to your door each month. So simple. Man, I wish I had a booze that came to my door every month. I wish I could smoke cigarettes just to quit, just to get this nicotine gum. I'll tell you that right now. Here, here. Yeah, get on it, folks. Lucy Nicotine.

Promo code drink. Back to our show. contain promo code drink back to our show back to our show what about uh my my rec is obviously how to with john wilson but i already said that so my other rec is uh so i've been reading some of these short stories before bed just just to fucking sleep because i can't watch i was watching search party before bed and it gets so intense I'm like I can't watch this before bed right it's making me too nervous it's heavy it's fantastic but it's so heavy so been reading some

George Saunders on the wreck of my buddy Ryan Hamilton and so this short story is being turned into a movie coming out I think it's on Netflix coming out but it's called Escape from Spiderhead it's completely insane it's great it takes place in the future it's about uh prisoners who are like they're either prisoners or there are people that get drugs tested on them all day those are the

other prisoners and the drugs that get tested on it's crazy it's it's also hilarious but they get drugs tested on them all day and some of the drugs make you horny as fuck so you just fuck so a little bit like you and this woman in here and they both take the drugs and they fuck like three times and straight and while they're fucking they're in love and then they take another thing to fall out of love and then they'll just test it so another woman will come in and he'll fuck her with the same thing and then they they'll be like, so now are you still in love with her? And he's like, I'm not. I'm not in love with her anymore after it comes down.

But in the moment, he's like, I was in love with her. And they're all prisoners. What? Yeah. I think this is called Molly. I've done that drug. I've been there. Well, so then he goes into another room and he's with a dude.

He's like a weird dude. And then he gets called in. He's like, oh, they're doing the same thing with us and he's with a dude. He's like a weird dude. And then he gets called in. He's like, oh, they're doing the same thing with us that they are with the women. We're just all fucking. And this is crazy. And then there's this threat of this other drug that makes you fucked up. So it's like a hangover times 20. You're just a mess, the darkest place. And they're like, who would you rather give this to of the women?

He's like, I feel nothing towards either of them. I feel nothing. So it's like, I feel nothing towards either of them. I feel nothing. So it's like a weird thing. But it basically turns into a whole mess. And it's hilarious. There's one line. I don't want to give away too much.

But they find out. He finds out what one of the women he fucked is in for. She murdered three people. And one of the lines was, it was at that point that I felt pretty bad about fucking and falling in love with her But this is fiction obviously It's fiction of course It's this guy George Saunders who's hilarious I think this piece was in the New Yorker Like 10 years ago it's super funny

It's really funny This is a movie It's coming out as a movie What? Yeah yeah yeah It's hilarious It's funny and it's also. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hilarious. It's funny and it's also dark and also kind of like poignant.

It's one of those things where you read and you're like, oh my God, it's so awful they can manipulate these people's feelings. But then also, it to me kind of hit me because I'm like, oh wow, we're living through this dark pandemic. So many of these people are dealing with depression and pain. But as comics, we're able to fuel that anger or depression into bits at least right it's one of the things is like even when i get low i'm grateful that i feel and it's that idea that you can like take away feeling is so fucked up to me like you think about breakups you think of depression and you're like man that's horrible but then without that shit Without being able to feel

You can't really connect Yeah oh that's a good point That's great I loved it I thought it was awesome I think it's like check it out I think it's on the New Yorker website free It's like just google Escape from Spiderhead It's like 40 pages or something it's not that long

Or maybe even less But it's great Totally recommend it Give me the title again Escape from Spiderhead Ooh Alright Boy

That reminds me of Uh Uh Oh What is it Spotless Mind Sunshine It totally

That totally made me think of it Yeah yeah Um Great movie Eternal Sunshine Eternal Sunshine Yeah Fuck

I mean I should rewatch it The whole thing about Having a breakup You're so sad, you're so miserable And you're like, I gotta get these Memories out of my head, they're making me sad And they go, okay, sure, here, come to this lab

We'll do it And then he's like, wait, I want these It's better to have sad memories than no memories And that's such a great point Do you think that's Jim Carrey's best performance? That's a good question I think it's Jim Carrey's best performance? That's a good question I think it's his best movie by far Better than Truman Show, right?

Yeah, I think so Truman Show is good, but it's a little cheesy It's got a lot of cheese on it His name is Truman The guy is Christoph Christ It's a little too much I agree that it's his best movie

Oh yeah But his best performance You gotta give the mask Is in the conversation right The who? The mask That performance is insane I don't like the comedy performances don't get loved

I always thought it was a crime that Eddie Murphy Didn't get nominated for the Nutty professor yes because what he did was insane amazing he played eight roles they're all hilarious they're all different they're all he commits to all of them and that movie at heart i don't it's like not a perfect movie but the like look you know actors win for movies that aren't great all the time it's it's really about the performance, his performance was fucking... I think Eddie Murphy and Nutty Professor is on par with like... Yeah, yeah. It's incredible.

It's up there with like, you know, some... I don't want to say Daniel Day-Lewis, but like that is harder in a lot of ways than what other of these like, you know, Juilliard actors are doing. Totally. I love Daniel Day-Lewis, but I'm just saying like... I do too.

Show some fucking love To Eddie Murphy And Jim Carrey Like The Mask Is another example Like look It's not a fucking Great movie

But Jim Carrey's Fucking insane in it Unbelievable And that was That was like his Second big movie He had Ace Ventura Then The Mask

And he was still hungry I feel like He was still You know a comic He was on Living Color A little bit But he needed it And he fucking

Brought the heat It's funny I was just watching an instagram thing about dana white from ufc talking about conor mcgregor like yeah man like he's got a mansion he's got all the nice shit he wants like it's like it's like it's like rocky three is what he said it's like does he still want it like it's interesting at a certain point it like, if you're still great when you've got all this shit, you're fucking great. Aha. Good point. Good point. Yeah, I agree.

That's why, you know, Bill Burr is still great. He's loaded. He's still great. You know, you got to respect that. And the best fucking dude, too. Yeah, like Dave Attell could pack it up. But you know what it is? It's that inner monologue of hatred.

That self-hatred keeps you going. No matter how rich you get, you can't buy that off. David Tell is the king. The king! No one funnier! But, in fact, I want to say Jim Carrey, Man on the Moon is one of the best performances. I mean, he...

I've honestly never seen it. Oh! It's not a great movie. First of all, it's Milos Forman, who did Cuckoo's Nest. So, watch it First of all it's Milos Forman who did Cuckoo's Nest So watch it for that I love Milos Forman man Cuckoo's Nest is a masterpiece Well that's one of the best

That's in the top ten maybe But the story's not amazing But I was an Andy Kaufman fan Growing up as a kid And he nails it so perfectly Like you'd watch them back to back And you, it would be hard to tell If you didn't know their faces

I've seen clips and it's insane Yeah, I haven't seen the movie, but the clips I've seen Yeah, I fucking love Jim Carrey, man How do you not love Jim Carrey? It is to me like a sign that you're losing it a little bit When you start painting It's like him and George W w bush and you're like oh boy that's a bit is it great that's hilarious yeah i mean it's like i love jim carrey though i mean

like talk about our childhoods like think about the 90s like jim carrey and adam sandler like that was yeah if we're talking like big comedy movie stars Like I love those dudes Yeah I mean throw Robin Williams in the mix Like I would always think about Those guys on the couch at Letterman Like if Jim Carrey was on Letterman It was like It was lights out

He was gonna do You know 18 impressions He was gonna flip over backwards He's wearing a yellow blazer I mean it was It was over I met Robin Williams once at the cellar he was such a nice guy it was so cool um wow he's he's not what you expect he's a soft-spoken quiet guy

i just for whatever reason i sat down not thinking and i was like i looked across i'm like that's fucking robin williams and i'm shy as hell because i like any of us Grew up, you know, Mrs. Doubtfire Like any movie you can think Aladdin, fucking You know, Good Will Hunting, everything So we just end up chatting Like I'm just, you know Yeah, we talk for like 45 an hour Like something like that

And he could not be cooler He's such a good dude You never told me this I never told you this He could not have been cooler We talk for like, like yeah 45 to an hour we're talking about life and love and like he's telling me about his divorce it was fucking that's what i love about comics he just can't get in by the cellar not even to go on just he's like i want

to be around comics that's wow that's the type of duty was so yeah we end up chatting for like a while and he yeah i remember asking him like he told me he's like man i lost so much money to my last divorce like so much money and i said like oh man he goes yeah well you know she earned it and then he said uh that's good and i said something like well like he's like well this new one i think it'll be all right and i was like why do you keep getting married i just said it like on a blatantly like why do you get married And he goes, you keep thinking it's going to be the one And I was like, oh man, it was like so sincere It was like so, you know

And we chat for a while and I remember like As he got up at the end, we had this great talk About everything, comedy, all this shit He gets up and he just shakes my hand He goes, it was great to meet you, Sam And like he said, I was like, oh my god, that's why like He's a star, he makes you feel so important in that moment Like, oh my god

Wow, I can't believe one talk with you made him kill himself Oh my God, that's why he's a star. He makes you feel so important in that moment. Oh my God. Wow, I can't believe one talk with you made him kill himself. Which crazy was, it was the next day. But, you know. Oh, man. No, he was so nice. That's amazing. Oh, it was crazy, dude. Jesus, I had no idea.

I was a kid. I fucking loved Peter Peter Pan And shit like Everything he did Yeah Hook Unbelievable All that shit was great I loved Jack You know

Flubber Whatever it was I mean he was Flubber was rough That's true I threw that one in I don't know if Jack Was good either

I feel like now We're just getting like Way too cool I saw Jack in the theater I don't know Fran Drescher was hot She was hot dude She's hot Underrated hot in it She was hot dude She's hot

Underrated hot She's probably still hot I bet she is She's probably getting all milfy And probably has like Some fake lips now Or something Wait

Oh Eddie Murphy I wanted to say this About Eddie Murphy Such a phenom Such a talent Obviously like a Living legend Yada yada yada

But I don't think he should do stand up again Everybody's like he's coming back He's got a new hour Is that still happening? I don't know he talked about it on He was coming to the store every now and then But like I think he should just

Do it if you want Eddie But it's not going to live up to the hype. Doing it for the payday is a bummer. What's that? I mean, like, dude, Mark, we're purists, man. So when we hear that one of the biggest stars ever and one of the greatest stand-ups ever takes, what, 35 years off and then is coming back for this insane payday,

like, yeah, it's going to bum us out a little bit if he's not going to take it as seriously as we hope it's taken Yeah, yeah But it's not even that I don't even think he's doing it for the payday I think he's doing it because he's like I'm bored, everybody's egging me on Didn't he make a joke about that in SNL

How he's got like 8 or 10 kids or something And he's like, it's a lot of money Oh, alright, well maybe you're right Shit, well that's even sadder But I get, look, look hey if he needs the money I guess fuck it why not I get it we're just purists man We just love like I get do whatever you want

But stand up we hold for whatever reason So holy and we love it so much But also yeah I totally Hear what you're saying I mean I love I mean I look at I've rewatched some of his movies during the pandemic that I grew up on, like Beverly Hills Cop, which might be my favorite one.

I just love it so much. Yeah, coming to America. Brilliant. I mean, he's incredible. He's so lovable. He's the best. I mean, he's the king, and he's just got it. Like, no one has more it than him,

but I'm just worried that he's going to do Carnegie Hall and Michael Che's going to go, and I'm going to go, how was it? And he's going to go, it was pretty rough, and it's going to kill me. And I can see that happening. Well, yeah, I don't know, man. It's one of those things that, like, stand-up takes work.

It does. It's a great way to put it it's not like other things where you can kind of just bullshit and like i think it all takes work i think that's why some of these movies when you surround yourself with too many yes men i do think the work tends to suffer and we talk about like the price of success like yeah you're rich but the work will sometimes suffer when you are, you know, you surround yourself with people that laugh at whatever you say and you end up putting out some shitty movies, you know? Yes. Also, of course, the studios, I'm sure, play a role in down shit down.

Like you've got I mean, it's not like Eddie is not funny. Like everyone knows he's like one of the funniest dudes ever. But like. You got to work at this shit. You got to work and you got to fail. And him failing is devastating to people. And a lot of people don't get it you know how many people do you know that go i saw a stand-up twice in a month that he did the same act what a weirdo and you're like no that's how it works you know but like you got a bomb to get good material and i don't think i don't think the

world is ready for that And I don't know That's a really Great and important point To remember That what creates Great comedy A lot of the time Is failure

And failure With someone at that level Is a fucking news story Exactly Exactly And that's what's gonna Fuck him up It's gonna fuck his head up

I hope he's strong enough To just push through And fail for a while. And then. Well, he's definitely strong enough. As the point is like, does he like it's if say Eddie Murphy rolls into the cellar and has a rocky set. As good as the cellar security is, that shit could end up on page six. I know.

And that's horrible. And that's what people don't get i mean they did you know louis had the leak set that got him in trouble and it's like yeah he said horrible shit but that was fucking bullshit dude that was like that was bullshit like i'm gonna talk to my mom about that my mom was like what do you think of this and i was like what do i think of them leaking an unfinished set yes i think it's terrible I think it's disgusting I think like Agreed I think

We all make Like It's also It was an excuse for people To be mad at Louis Because Yeah What it was was

You're right They were already angry with him And this was just another story That they got to pile on Because You loved when Louis made those jokes When you loved Louis 9-11 joke You just don't You just don't like Louie now

So it's not a story It's a set that he did at a tiny club In Long Island that got leaked That's what it is And by the way, it's so unfunny How could he say, well first of all he's murdering He's killing So you can't really say it's not funny

And second, you can't enjoy the old stuff Without This is the process, this is the process. This is part of it. You know, it's like. He didn't play the game. He didn't play the path to redemption cancellation game. So he doesn't get to make edgy jokes for what they say anymore. That's kind of, that's the rules that have been set.

And like, you know, I've talked to friends about this. I always find that the conversation with cancellation interesting because this is not like a trial. This is a guy who people have like decided is gone. This is like another conversation, obviously. But when people talk about this, it's like, all right, but you don't get to just make someone disappear because you don't like them. You know what I mean? That's not how it works. I mean, like we can have that conversation on how we don't like them That's not how it works We can have that conversation

On how we don't like what happened But we can also say You're not a jury You're a fucking dude with a twitter egg You know what I mean It's a bigger conversation For another episode Well I hate when they go

Hey it's not a cancelling We're not cancelling people It's not a canceling We're not canceling people It's the public deciding this guy should not work anymore You're like, well, the public Is coming out to his sold out shows So you're saying you're the public But the public is paying millions of dollars To watch his internet special he put out

So who's the public and who's not, you know? It's a game It's a game. It's a game. It's a game that needs to be played. And, you know, it's exhausting when you think about the game, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Well, this is the beauty of the Tiger doc, to bring it back to that.

They go through, like, everybody wanted him to be the best. He was the biggest. We all got behind him. behind him and then you know the scandals happen we love crashing down on we love seeing him fail and we pile on and then he redeems himself again and that's what the public really likes is that like roller coaster of drama even though it's his fucking psyche that's going through hell well i hope louis gets that shot You know I really do I think it was beautiful with Tiger I thought the match where he He won that incredible match

Lately was You know it's what people love about sports And what people love about entertainment And you know That guy went through fucking hell I mean it's like here's what I say It's kind of like when you get detention as a kid And your parents are like I'm punishing you you know, that guy went through fucking hell. I mean, it's like, hell is, here's what I say. It's kind of like when you get detention as a kid and your parents are like,

I'm punishing you. And you're like, no, the detention is the punishment. It's kind of like, it's like, it's like when, like when they're like,

we're, we're throwing you out. And they're like, dude, my wife left me. Yeah. Yeah. I lost my wife.

It fucked up my life. Like, it's a weird thing to me when I'm like, yeah, the guy cheated on his wife. It's fucking bad life. It's a weird thing to me when I'm like, yeah, the guy cheated on his wife. It's fucking bad. It's not good. Guess what?

That's between him and his wife. Yeah, exactly. That's not for us to be like, you're a shitty husband. Right, right. You could say that, but it's not your fucking business at the end of the day. It's just not. And we've all done fucked up shit, and no one just noticed it because you weren't famous and you weren't on the chopping block, but we're all done fucked up shit And no one just noticed it Because you weren't famous And you weren't on the chopping block

But we're all flawed You cheated on your wife in a different way You cheated on your taxes Or you stole something Or you ran over a kid and didn't tell anybody So everybody's got their thing We've all run over a kid Some kids shouldn't be around

But yeah It makes me A little annoyed the last we've all run over yeah mark i mean that's shouldn't be around you know but yeah but no it makes me it makes me a little annoyed people people like to get on their little fucking soapbox they like to be like well i've never done this you're like cool how many women knocked on your hotel room door at fucking midnight motherfucker i'm not defending the guy i'm just saying let's have a little compassion i don't i don't think we need to be more accepting but we could be a little more forgiving as a people yes you know so let's let's all chill the fuck out uh i can't wait to watch it i i'm not even a golf guy but i love i love a good i love a good doc and uh it's amazing and it's it's all it's you know we

work hard and like want to be great at comedy and he's got the same mentality and yeah this great scene where he's up against Phil Mickelson, who's apparently this phenom golf guy. I didn't even know him. Fucking badass. Yeah, he's awesome. Badass guy, apparently. And they both have some hard hit, like some difficult drive

or whatever it is. I don't know the terms. Not a sports podcast. Yeah, and Phil does good, and then Tiger hits it, and it goes further the terms not a sports podcast yeah and phil does good and then tiger hits it and it goes further but not that much further and phil is like boy that was tough huh man do you always hit that hard he goes oh i usually hit harder that was a bad one and he's just like damn he's just trying to get in this guy's head he's he's he's cutting this would be such a good they should let us just drunkenly call the next PGA tour.

That guy had a hard hit, but another guy hit it harder. The white guy was really upset. The black guy, he was happy. Yeah, it's the most basic. That's like Happy Gilmore when he just turns to a shooter and goes, somebody's closer. Yeah, exactly. Dude, yeah, I can't wait to watch it You know what movie I watched last night that I'd never seen?

That's a pretty dope movie It's on HBO Max Have you ever seen Sexy Beast with Ben Kingsley? Oh, dude, I love That's a stylized, badass, fun movie It's super Todd Barry, for the last 14 times we hung out He's like, watch Sexy Beast

Watch Sexy Beast It's like his favorite movie, so I watched it last night It's a good movie Ray Winstone, kind of underrated, I think I agree, I agree And it's so cool looking and weird And you get sucked in And it gets your blood pumping, your anxiety's going

And he's so scary Because he's such a psycho, Ben Kingsley So good, such a good actor But it's also 90 minutes Shout out such a psycho Ben Kingsley So good Such a good actor But it's also 90 minutes Shout out to a movie That can pull things off And tell a tale In a short amount of time

Because so many times You hear that epitaph? But yeah No, completely Good point Every movie now Is two hours and ten minutes Yeah

No, it's tough It's, you know i i and look i'll watch a series some series will get greedy sometimes like you re-watch sopranos and you're like man they didn't waste a fucking scene man and then you watch some of these shows now where it's like it takes four episodes to get in and you're like and then you watch and you're like yeah how's that like episode five's not even that good and you're like what do you what you're wasting my fucking life now? I know.

I know. It's weird. I hate that. Especially now because we're more ADD than ever. Everything's two seconds and quick and Instagram and all that shit scrolling. But yet shows and movies are getting longer. You know, like making a murderer could have been two episodes. I know that's five years old now, but like.

Oh, dude, that one drove me nuts. That was so long. Just stretch that shit out Enough with that one That was I'm a big I love true crime And that one was like

We get it Yes He's an idiot Alright we got it He's a backwoods hillbilly It was a 10-11 episodes Meanwhile the Jinx is 6 The Jinx is 10 times more interesting to me

10 times better That's a work of art by the way That Jinx That's my favorite one The Jinx That's pretty amazing The St the staircase was another one that was like eight eight but that one hours that one fucking earned it oh i could have we could have got that in four eps that one was fucking that one was fucking brilliant dude look i enjoyed i love that lawyer guy rudy he was killer but rachel rachel dm'd with him for a while What?

Yeah, because she's obsessed with true crime Rachel Feinstein, our buddy, great comic But she ends up Just following him on Twitter And he followed her back And she's DMing him and he's telling her stuff about the case What? Yeah, and he couldn't have been cooler She was like, he was such a nice guy

He was incredible Dude, no, that doc was fucking brilliant. It was also beautifully shot. Yeah, and he clearly did it, right? Clearly. All right, all right. Oh, my God. What guy who didn't do it is like, yeah, follow me around for 13 fucking episodes.

Yeah, yeah. He's like an owl came in and hit her in the head. I'm like, what? The owl theory. Yeah, and then he had, this is the second wife that fell in the head. I'm like, what? The owl theory. Yeah, and then he had, this is the second wife that fell down the stairs. I'm like, at least mix it up. What the fuck are you doing?

Yeah, your honor, what about birds? Have we ever thought about if birds can do it? Exactly, yeah. No, it's complete insanity. Even the end, I think it was like the last fucking scene of the whole series When he goes I got this Alexa

He goes Which first off I'm like You might not want Something listening to you Because your phone calls Might be incriminating Second off

Then he just goes Alexa Play Leonard Cohen And it was like He's like This is my favorite And it was like Everybody knows

The deal is rotten And I'm like Are you fucking kidding me? Did this come on Everybody knows that you're a fucking murderer? That's like OJ. What's your favorite movie? So I married an axe murderer. By the way, you got a bit?

I do. We got to do a pet peeve too, though. But I'll do a bit. Should we do a peeve first or a bit? Let's do a peeve because I want to hear yours. I got a little one that happened to be today. Okay. People who said...

Oh, you go first. Okay, okay. I feel like you're going to have a closer here. I don't have shit. I have a mediocre one. Mine's not great either. In an Uber, it's 5 in the morning. I'm hungover.

I'm on two hours of sleep just trying to get to the airport. And I had the chatty Uber driver, which is fine. I get it. He's bored. It's 5 a.m. 5 a.m. is tough. But he's doing this one, and I fucking can't stand this, where he would go, like, he would yawn. He yawned, like, twice in a row.

He's like, sorry, man. I'm yawning a lot. Sorry about that. I'm like, oh, I, I'm yawning a lot. Sorry about that. I'm like, oh, I don't care. And then he rolled his window. Sorry, I rolled my window down. I need a little air. Sorry about that.

I'm like, yeah, you're good. He put the radio on. It went like a little loud. Sorry, that was a little loud. Sorry about it. I'm like, stop apologizing. I hate the people who keep apologizing because you're like, the apologizing is worse than the things you did.

Right. Because then you got to keep going. No the things you did. It just tried. Cause then you got to keep going. No, you're good. You're good. Too many. Sorry. Too much.

I'm with you. No, I think, I think that's a great point. And I, it drives me nuts when people are like, they don't do big. The offense is not matching the apology. Yes, exactly. You're, you're, you're making me blow you. I got to keep validating you. Yes.

No, it's okay. I don't care because I really didn't care. I'm just sitting back there trying to fall asleep. I have to keep saying no biggie? Do you throw the sleeping mask on too? Do you do that as like kind of like, just so you know, I'm out of commission. Do you do that move? No.

Wow. That's harsh. I do that in the car. I put the sleeping mask on. What? Damn If it's 5am, is that harsh? It's I don't know, I can't even look at you

It's not my buddy on a road trip Or fucking I'm on my way to the airport, I'm half awake Why is that a big deal? I'll put the headphones in and go, hey man, if I fall asleep Don't take it personal or something I'll throw a line in or something But a sleep in that's a message You go better than I do

Here's a weird thing New York Uber drivers never speak to you In LA they talk to you 99% of the time Yep I have no problem with it But like when I'm fucking half awake If I'm up I'll talk But if it's 5am I ain't talking

I know the sun's not even out yet I got half a boner I'm in pajamas You'll talk But if it's 5am, I ain't talking I know, the sun's not even out yet I got half a boner, I'm in pajamas And this guy's like Oh man, you see that That news story I'm like, I don't know, I don't care We got a 20 minute ride See that news story about that Uber driver

Who hacked up his passenger Yeah, exactly He's like, where are you you from i'm going to new york whoa new york city big city boy oh my god here we go here we go this guy's grew up on a farm look at you yeah big city slicker i always try to put it back on them like where are you from he's like i'm from around here born and raised And they're like ah shit that was a mistake

Because then he goes off on his life story I for the record Couldn't give a fuck if we're talking during the day But when it's 5am I'm sleeping in that car Same That's what I wanted to do But he just kept apologizing That morning shift is tough

That's gotta be a shift is tough I get it I got a couple First off, people who say And I'm here for it And I'm here By the way, we know you're here You have to announce yourself Good point, yeah, never thought about that

So you know you're invisible That's why you're fucking announcing And I'm here, we know you're invisible that's why you're fucking announcing and i'm here we know you're fucking here yeah shut up shut the fuck what's an example give me a sentence use it in a sentence like a spelling bee oh uh fucking blah blah blah let me think like like negronis are half off at this bar and i'm here for it Like that And I'm here for Oh Yeah Negroni's are half off And I'm here for it Okay

Okay That's annoying Yeah it's annoying That's brutal I got a bigger one now This is my even bigger one Alright Have you seen the new

Heineken commercial With the father and son Playing Cats in the Cradle Have you seen that shit No No Oh my god It's like a

First off it's like a Heineken Zero ad Where they're like Playing Cats in the Cradle the whole time It's a father and son And they're like We'll be together then Or no, we'll have a good time then

It's like, fuck you, Heineken Like, you know Whatever happened to hot women In fucking beer commercials? Like, whatever happened to Yeah, you're gonna make me like Deal with shit I've talked about in therapy During a commercial?

This is supposed to be escapist You know what I mean Right right Well I guess it's not alcoholic So they gotta hit the queefs of the group They gotta hit the ladies I don't know It's too emotional

This is booze here Give me a strip club or a casino Dude you know who never made me deal with shit That I've talked about in therapy Is Bud Light Lime Shout out to beer commercials That don't make me deal with my trauma Right, right, you don't see that shit with slits

And you know what you should That's a fucking That's a deadbeat dad drink right there Right, right, you know what that drink goes well with? Tears My dad would drink slits hot He would just keep a box on the floor Right, right. You know what that drink goes well with? Tears. My dad would drink Schlitz hot. He would just keep a box on the floor like a case and just drink one.

Who the fuck was he? Paul Newman in the fucking verdict? Jesus Christ. He was a southern lawyer. He's got the sweat on the brow. Schlitz. That's fucking gross. Oh, yeah. He was a scary man. Hit me with a bit. tie yeah he's got the the sweat on the brow that's that's fucking gross oh yeah he was an he was a scary man hit me with a bit all right all right here we go now this this could be

horrible i thought of it on the plane today and it just kind of hit me as it could be something so it's not worked out in any way same with same with mine Alright good My notes Just keep going How do you get to the bottom of notes on your iPhone Quickly I don't know I usually just search I'm fucking terrible That's smart

Alright this is a little harsh Maybe to my lady I think there could be A bit here So she's dying to get married like she's pushing it pretty hard and i obviously i'm a child i'm scared and i'll probably you know i have an opener where i say uh i'll eventually pull the trigger and kill myself that's good but my my point is she's like well i want to I want to have a bond like a legal bond So I know this is serious

And you're not going anywhere or I'm not going anywhere And I'm like yeah but How about you just be cool And I'll keep you around You know like why not just be fun You gotta earn it You can't just oh oh now I've signed something That'll just cause you to Cut back and lay low You know you gotta earn it You can't just Oh oh Now I've signed something That'll just cause you to

To cut back And And lay low You know You gotta earn Why not Keep Keep being fun

Keep being like you are And I'll still be there It's just weird that We have to have a contract Instead of just Like what if I sign the contract Then you just change And

And start slacking off It's like what are you My agent You know what I mean Right It's tough It is funny where it's like what are you my agent you know what i mean like it's tough it is funny where it's like her mind is like why can't we just have a contract so we know we're cool and you're like why can't we just not have a contract so i know you're cool exactly oh

that's a good line yeah like just keep being cool and i won't go anywhere and neither will you but it's weird that it just feels like hey i'm gonna once we sign this i can i can become you know shitty i don't want to contract i want compatibility hilarious that that's where your mind is at though too it's like that should also be like an added part where you're like you're so scared to take it to the next level because you're like she's just gonna become bad right right it's it's almost like unionizing no i want you to be a good employee and i'll be a good employee but if i if we unionize then you can just start slacking off and go hey i said i'm in union that's fucking good dude that's oh is

that something i think that's i think it's funny that that's how little trust you have in her to like stay cool you're like well if i get you a ring You'll become shitty Right Right Yeah You'll take You get time off and shit I don't know It might be too mean That I'm making it like a job

Parallel I think you can Pull it off I think you can thread the needle here But Yeah I mean You are coming off Like kind of a dick here

But I do think it's okay If the joke is funny enough Right Right Like Okay You know The idea that she's like I want to make sure you're serious here i think but i do think it's okay if the joke is funny enough right right like uh you know uh the idea that she's like i want to make sure you're serious about me and she needs a ring for

that but you're like yeah well i think there are other ways you have to show like well there's other ways i show i'm serious is by you know uh like what's other ways that you show you're serious right now well we live together We sleep in the same bed every night We do things together We go on trips We love each other Yada yada

I mean, it's all there It just doesn't have the little On a piece of paper in a courthouse That's so funny It's like she needs the document Yes, exactly It's supposed to be romantic, but it feels like You're giving up

Right, you know what it feels like? It feels like I got the car on the lot And it's great, it's running great And right when I pull off the lot and sign the paper The bumper falls off I'm going to ask you a question Now that maybe our mutual therapist Would ask you

Why are you assuming the second you sign the paper that the bumper's going to fall off? Because now she's got me by the shortened curlies. It's legal now. So she's like, aha, you can't get out of the mask. It's going to come off. She's going to gain 10 pounds. It's going to be over.

That's the best fucking, you need to add this part. The best part is that you're like, what's your biggest fear? She's going to gain 10 pounds. Should have said 50. Why would you give her what she wants? She could gain 10 pounds. I mean, to me, it's so fucking funny. But I mean, I hear what you're saying

Like it is a power shift It is like you want Right now you have the power Because you have something she wants If you give that up You've lost the power I get that Right it's kind of like if you're renting And the toilet breaks they fix it

If you own the house you gotta fix the toilet Maybe that's a stretch No I don't think it's a stretch It's interesting Renting and the toilet breaks, they fix it. If you own the house, you got to fix the toilet. Maybe that's a stretch. No, I don't think it's a stretch. It's interesting. It's like, this is, now we have to fix this. Now it's on me. So you think of yourself.

It's funny. So you think of her as the house. Yes. And if you're renting, you can get out. But if you buy, it's a little more complicated Exactly, maybe that's an angle That's a comparison If you buy, you either gotta Fucking just abandon

Or you gotta hope some other guy's interested Yeah, you deal with it Oh, that's great That's great There's something there I mean, the premise is fucking funny It's funny because it comes from a kind of a fucking Like, it comes from a place that like

You're a little upset to be You feel trapped But also you're like You do feel a little bad that you feel trapped Yes, of course, of course I mean, zillions of people have gotten married over history And had a great time and happy and all that So I'm obviously playing it up.

But my whole thing is like if you're just – it's kind of like a restaurant saying, oh, you have to eat here now so we can slack off on the quality. But if the restaurant is just constantly good, we'll just keep coming back. Right. It's almost like saying now you have to eat here. And you're like, whereas, you know. Exactly. If you choose to eat there, it's almost like, oh, have to eat here and you're like whereas you know exactly if you choose to eat there it's almost like oh this this will be good they're still you want the restaurant to still bring it you still want them to prove it to you and you associate marriage man women are just

fucking kind of better in certain ways because they just assume they kind of don't care they just want to make sure they're taken care of exactly whereas men were like You gotta fucking still do this and this and this It is interesting I mean there's a lot there There's so much there I think They're smart in that way I mean they're great negotiators obviously I mean you argue with a lady and it's tough to win

They know what they're doing They're clever And they have to cover their ass I don't even blame her Because you know It's not like they can beat us up or anything So they gotta cover their ass some way. By the way, side tag, you said don't gain 10 pounds is funny.

What if you say, it's romantic to say don't change. I love you the way you are, don't change. But it sounds worse to say don't gain weight. Don't gain 10 pounds, I fucking love that. Right. All right. I tried to do a bit the other night. It's not like a finished bit or anything,

but the idea of like how people say it's got a big heart, that's a compliment, but that's one of the only organs that's like a good thing. He's like rare. Like you got to meet this guy. He's got a large prostate.

This guy's fucking awesome. Oh, that's nice. I like that. There's something there. All right, let me try something about this. This is interesting. I have this whole thing about like young people. I have a bit,

like a lot of bits now about being young and coming of age bits. I mean, that's kind of where you go when you're burning a ton of material. But I have a lot of, I think, some funny stories now in the act about it. But I have one thing about hearing younger people talk about. I saw how young people just throw out compliments so easily now. Everything's like, the self-esteem now is insane. The praising seems non-stop with young people i saw a kid he had like a water bottle but it was filled with vodka and he explained to his

friend i ever heard this he goes well you know they're both clear so uh you know i was able to sneak vodka in this water bottle and his friend goes genius i was like genius like what i think the word you're looking for is frugal i don't think genius is the word like what are you gonna do it may be stealthy i don't fucking know but yeah what are you gonna do when some genius shit actually happens you're like we found a cure for cancer they're like nice you know what i mean right right i don't know what the right that's not the right punch line but you know what I'm talking about Yeah, no, I like that We're upping the words too much

We're blowing our load on words Exactly We're blowing our load too soon And it's like Yeah, I just think Certain shit just is Not everything is great Not everything has to be great

Enjoy the mediocre yeah don't praise everything that's not genius with the vodka that's a high five moment like nice well done good on you that's the nice moment yeah exactly that's nice but you're right you're you can't go too far because then when the real thing happens it's the same with love it's like when these relationships they date for a week and they go i love you and you're like yeah but now you're just taking the the the the the teeth out of love that's a heavy word you know it's also could be funny too is like as a young person that's genius as an adult you do that shit they're like what's wrong with you just buy a drink you don't you can't afford one drink yeah that's true that's true i remember making that switch with

people like i just stole a bunch of wings off that table. And my friend's like, I can buy you wings. I remember I used to roll with the Dasani bottle full of whiskey, too. That was another thing that we'd do. Same, same. That's true. Blowing your load on words, there's a lot there. We do that with everything.

Well, we do it with language. We have no respect for language anymore. Yeah. I mean, Seinfeld's got that bit about everything's great and everything sucks. There's not much in the middle. Well we do it with language We have no respect for language anymore Yeah Seinfeld's got that bit about everything's great And everything sucks There's not much in the middle And then Louis' got that bit about hilarious No hilarious is when you fall over

Trembling from laughter You didn't even laugh at that joke I remember that special That was a good special Great special It's called Hilarious Yeah He might

There might be something Where he goes brilliant Or something Well the British do that There's maybe a connection there The British say brilliant For whatever And it's like

It's not fucking brilliant Right Right They just say brilliant Like cool It's funny how the British Are loose with everything The British will say

Cunt like it's nothing And they'll say brilliant like it's nothing. Also, weird that the British just throw around bloody. That's a bloody good show. You're like, Jesus Christ. That's a little dark. Yeah, it's a bloody good show.

Americans say bloody. We fucking killed somebody. Yeah, we mean it. That's a period or a murder or something it's not just a bloody good meal uh there's something here i don't know i don't i don't have a turn on this yet but i'll find it yeah yeah no that's interesting can't blow your load on words because yeah what are you gonna do when something crazy happens we do it with insane too oh man that movie was insane like no insane is when you have to be putting a straight jacket in a padded room you know that was a that was a movie with a lot of

explosions you're right the bit the premise is like there's no respect for language anymore there's no there's no respect for meaning and it's like I don't know where I'm going yet But there's something here I'll crack this shit I think we do it with kind of everything Because you have to be heard now That's what it is There's so much shit out there

There's so much content YouTube and social media That you have to be like I was outraged Were you outraged or were you just kind of like Annoyed or something? You have to go all in on words. Yeah, it's a great point.

It's almost like headlines. The way we use headlines on Twitter where it's like, this person did this, and you're kind of like, they didn't really do that. Right, right, exactly. Stabbing on 23rd. You're like, no, the guy had a knife, but nobody got stabbed. They always up it because they got to sell papers.

Yeah, I'll play with this. There's something here. Can we do a news story real quick? Yeah, yeah. I like that. There's something there. Here's the news. I got it.

I got it. Two quick ones. We got it. We got it. And I think it's a good thing. We got to shout out, obviously, the great Larry King who passed away. Oh, yeah. R.I.P. King. out obviously the great larry king who passed away oh yeah all right legends i mean dude first

off i i for whatever reason i re-watched his brando interview over the summer and like wow it's so funny like brando was so fucking funny too but yeah larry king was was great at what he did shouts out eight eight eight times married to seven women. Unbelievable. See? See, they all slacked off, so he had to get out. All right, I'm joking. Also a Jew from Brooklyn. Yeah, I loved him. He was great. I tweeted, the one time I wish Piers Morgan replaced Larry King. That's great. That's great. Oh, that's a good, that's a good joke.

Um, and I got to also shout out, I'm a baseball guy. So Hank Aaron dying, man. Oh yeah. The home run champ in my mind. I know Barry Bonds passed him,

but like clearly cheated. And like, I love Barry Bonds as a player too, but like Hank Aaron was the fucking dude started playing in the late fifties. Like the like the racism this dude dealt with when he passed babe ruth's record like had to worry for his fucking wife and kids like can you imagine being that good at baseball and you can't even enjoy passing babe ruth's record like bullshit i there was a great article in the new york times about him today

where um the last line was incredible. The long piece was so good. And the last line says, Hank Aaron, a quote, I never wanted them to forget Babe Ruth. I just wanted them to remember Henry Aaron. Ooh. Incredible guy. Wow. And I've seen him interviewed.

It was a great interview. A-Rod, he's on baseball on ESPN. He's on the whatever whatever baseball night whatever and a rod is interviewing him and it's such a great interview like the reverence that a rod just spoke to him with and and just the respect it was just so cool like a rod just marvel like he was like looking at his hands he was like this guy's got huge hands and huge wrists he was so he had the quickest swing so uh shouts out to the great Henry Aaron, Hank Aaron, Hammer and Hank. Yes, good shout out.

Incredible guy. How old was he? 86, I think, or 85. 86, I believe. Yeah, he was such a fucking badass. And if you see him speak, you just love the guy instantly. Just a classy man. No, I saw you post a few things i watched them all just a humbled

good dude and like got death threats and all that shit and just rolled with it never seemed he was like stoic yeah he was a cool dude and just one of the greatest baseball players ever still leads the mlb i believe in total bases and rbis he's got like 3,700 hits which is third which is insane when you think about 3,700 something hits he's behind like Pete Rose and someone else I forgot who but uh wow insane and that's no roids

no roids man beast it's so funny that he played for the Braves too they were like talking about the racism he dealt with and uh you know the monoliths and they go the Braves They were like talking about The racism he dealt with And uh You know The model He's gonna go Oh

Oh Oh It's so funny He's like Well that's a different racism I guess I don't know But uh

Oh that could be a bit That's funny Ha ha ha ha Uh man Wow That's gonna be hard to follow That That whole little

Remembrance there That Ha ha ha Cause I got the worst News story of all time hit me and it's a horrible joke and i'm ashamed of it because yours was killer uh gwyneth paltrow's vagina candle explodes in uk woman's home and i all i all my joke was boy that's some big wick energy oh that's good i like that well it's like wordplay but it's fun yeah it's a tweet it's a

tweet i did a bit on spade show uh lights out when i was on i had a bit about like when chris marden was like still trying to talk to her or something and i was like man how good is this woman's vagina that he still wants to talk to her after she treated him and then i and then i got the candle and i was like it's pretty good it is pretty good It got a groan when I said it at first And then it hit and Spade went He goes, you gotta let him finish, folks And I got like an extra laugh It's nice when Spade comes in and tags your joke

What does it smell like? Did you really get one? No, it was a joke It smells like a vagina, apparently I know, but I mean, what the hell Is that flesh? Is fish is that what are we talking here i'll tell you i'm about to drop the money she wants to find out but they sold out in like record time apparently i mean yeah it's fucking weird weird shit sells i guess yeah i

guess so yeah like those bernie sweaters sold out in 10 seconds and he gave it all to charity pretty badass oh he is badass He's a character man He really is like It's almost like a tale meets Larry David That little curmudgeon Right It's so funny what goes viral You can never predict it

He's tried to be president He's tried to do this and make moves And nobody really gave a shit Then he's got two mittens on and a folding chair And everybody's like we love it so true well we should also say remember to uh subscribe to patreon.com slash one more drink pod we're still under that right now we'll let you know if that changes uh we were about to drop two episodes this week one's going to be completely free the other one's going to be patreon that's a bonus both eps. And make sure to email us

at least temporarily, onemoredrinkwithmarkandsam at gmail.com and rate us on Apple, Spotify, wherever you get this shit. Oh, yeah. Tell a friend. Share it. Spread the love. We're all over the Apple,

the Spotify. We're on YouTube. So, yeah. Get on on board i'm loving this sorry about the name change we're sorry we might be drunk that's the new name i'm loving it we're just gonna call this we might be drunk episode seven though we're just gonna roll with it keep no more bullshit we've changed names more than frank abagnale all right that's a hell of a deep pull there yeah we've changed names more times than Elliot Page, I'll tell you I thought about that, but it's only one change You're all right, I'll tell you

I'll tell you, no respect at all, you know Thanks for listening, guys, we appreciate you God love you, take care Bye