We Might Be Drunk - Ep 74: Tequila Soda and Popcorn

Episode Date: May 9, 2022

We got the munchies on this episode of We Might Be Drunk Podcast. Sorry to all of you who hate eating. Support the show and get 10% off your first month of online therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/Drunk Support the show, quit smoking naturally with Füm, AND save 10% by using code DRUNK at https://www.breathefum.com/DRUNK Visit http://marknormandcomedy.com/ and https://www.sammorril.com/shows for more details! Join the Patreon for bonus episodes weekly and more bonus content: Patreon.com/WeMightBeDrunkPod Send us emails [e-mail] Credit Music courtesy of Ugly Smile

Hey, hey, folks! Here we are! We might be drunk, you know where it is, you know what it is. We got a couple of tequila sodas, and it's just us today, boys. No Salicuse. Salicuse has something with his dumb kid, I don't know, school, who can keep up? Pussy. Yeah, right? Good to be here, though. Good to see you man i saw you briefly last night yeah that's right we went and saw ronan's uh taping at the vu killer ronan hershberg

look out for coming out soon crushed it crushed it it was fun it's fun to watch because like we were in that mix i guess we're still in that mix yeah but it was this is his first youtube and so he was like jazzed up. He was nervous. He was pacing. It was great. Yeah, I went to the early show. It's good to see someone crush a special and then they're just kind of like done. Yes.

I mean, not done, but like he had one of the cans. Like you got it. Oh, yeah. And I heard the second. We were at the first one. I heard the second one. I went and saw like 20 minutes of it and it was even hotter. So it's going to be great.

Going to be great, be great man great jokes we got packages two people keep sending us stuff at gotham we forget to open all of them on uh patreon so should i open this yeah that's a big boy you got there holy oh my god it's more popcorn this is called cuse corn like syracuse's orange and blue. Ah! Orange and blueberry white chocolate. Dude, this shit is so good. You could call it Cuse corn, like Salicuse. That's true. Cheddar.

Oh, yeah. Classic. The amount of popcorn they send. Wow, that's a lot of cheddar. This is Nav's popcorn in Thousand Islands, New York. Hard Island peanut butter and milk chocolate. That's my number one right there. Classic, just buttered

oh classic's good too i'm gonna have one bite of this and then kill myself sour patch oh i gotta try it try sour patch try it try it try it i don't know i'm chanting i can just try it let's see holy hell oh peanut Oh, peanut butter, milk chocolate. Not my favorite. All right. It's a little too, I don't know why, yeah, it's like weird. Yeah. I'm not a big sourpuss guy anyway.

You're not? Eh, I have one. I'm good. These flavors, kettle milk chocolate. Ooh. New York mix, caramel and white cheddar, because we're gentrified here in New York baby you got that right diversity what else

this is so much caramel don't know what this is another caramel what a great gift fireball I want Jager bomb what else kettle yeah i mean this is crazy

well these guys make great popcorn i've had it the only one i don't like is the sour patch yeah love the pod enjoy some popcorn next time you're enjoying a movie had fun hosting for mark a few months back and enjoyed working with you guys back at carolina oh caroline sorry hit me up if you ever need a host or feature when you're upstate brian inc thank you so much brian this is amazing and it really is great popcorn it is all right brian new york i'm gonna try the new york mix yeah fuck yeah dude popcorn during a movie that is like oh unbeatable you know that pull this up there, Chachi. I heard there's this thing. Now, when you smell popcorn popping in the distance in a microwave,

what do you think? I don't know. Well, like, is it good or bad? It's great. It's great. Every American says it's great. But in Europe, they smell popcorn popping, and it's gross. I don't know what it is, like the upbringing, the diet.

It's kind of like cilantro. It goes either way. Is that true? Yeah, I'm telling you. European smell popcorn, they hate it. Yeah, this is amazing. It's one of those weird little phenomenon things. Yeah, I love popcorn.

Oh, I grew up eating my dad ate popcorn every day. I feel like it's not as bad for you as a lot of the others. I mean, obviously, this stuff's not great for you. Well, yeah. I love the buttered popcorn, but dude, I feel horrible after it. Oh, yeah. It's like having sex without a condom. Right.

You're just like, what have I done to myself? Yeah. But it was good while it lasted. And you look at your fingers. Oh, that's good. Chase that down a little tequila yeah i need some coffee first oh yeah there you go these early afternoon episodes are taking a toll my friend yeah well the funny thing about coffee is like you got a stimulant and then you got a depressant yeah you know we're just putting all these i end up back in the middle there you go yeah it's tough on the body oh my god it really it really is tequila they say is an upper we've been i i hope to believe that but uh hey man thank you so much

for sending this uh popcorn nothing oh maybe i made that up have you you were in indianapolis yeah how was it i tell you that's a boring town it really is you know they're all about the cults Oh, maybe I made that up. You were in Indianapolis. Yeah. How was it? I tell you, that's a boring town. It really is. You know, they're all about the cults and whatnot. But nice people. Great comedy crowds.

Good comedy crowds. So we sold out a couple of them. I had a great, I had Umar, I had Sean Murphy. We just had one of those hangs where you're like, we don't even need the town. We sat in the green room for like eight hours after the show. We're drunk. We're high. We're full.

We ate all these chicken wings and whatnot. We're like kids. Umar fell asleep on the floor. I love it. You know, he's like- You peed your pants. I pissed my pants. I woke up blowing Sean Murphy.

And we're like, we should probably get out of here. Because, you know, there's probably some poor staff member waiting for us we leave we walk out of the green room it's all dark the alarm goes off they forgot we were back there oh that's how long we hung out the alarm we go what the fuck we're in the we're in a dark club alone at like four in the morning and we just ran home we just ran to our hotel yeah i remember in indianapolis i was there once years ago there's a lot of violence in downtown indian oh yeah they like to brag it's funny they love to brag they're like more murders per capita than chicago i'm like yeah that's not a good thing i know you're telling me that with a smile on your face i remember going to the hotel and the and the uh

it was blocked off and i kind of was like is there like why is it blocked off and the cop was like some kids were shooting around i'm like like, yeah, that's not. Shooting around. That's basketball. That's not guns, dude. That's not how you describe murder. Right. That's true.

Shooting around. Like a game. Like Cowboys and Indians. They have Morton's Steakhouse. Not Morton's. What's the famous? St. Elmo's. St. Elmo's.

I went there. That steak is pretty crazy. I think it's from 1902. That's a bomb ass steak. That steak is pretty crazy. I think it's from 1902. That's a bomb-ass steak. Great steak. Yeah, and that's a good classic old-timey. You get your scotch and your steak. You get your martini and your steak.

It's old school. Old school right downtown, too, right? In all the business centers. And I love... You know the story of Ruth's Chris? No. Pull this up again. Oh, yeah, you told me this, but I forgot it.

Tell me again. Maybe I told you earlier. Because we do a podcast where we drink. This was... This is what I, you know, we like a lot of like strong female lead shit now. If I was making a movie and I needed a female story, I would do this story. This lady, Ruth, her husband, Chris, left her and her three kids alone. So she had to like make it on her own. She was cooking steaks on a hot plate it got so popular because she cooked a hell of a steak she named it ruth chris

like i own you motherfucker wow you left me high and dry and it just built and built it became like a new new orleans staple and then she started a chain now she's a zillionaire i will say i get the name now but not knowing that, it's a pretty dumb name. Horrible name. I hate saying it. I do, too. Ruth Crith. I can't even say it.

It's too much. Ruth. It's like a tongue twister. I'm with you, man. It is a nightmare. Ruth Crith. I guess you could say it, but it's like- Yeah.

You just say it fast. Yeah, New Orleans, 65. Steakhouse for sale, 18 grand. North Broad and Earthline, which is now a horrific neighborhood. It's a good steak, too. It is. It's expensive. But fun story.

Yeah, it's a good story. Yeah. But yeah, Indy. Crowds came out, but it was cool. Chris D. was at some theater. Goldman was at a different theater. I'm at the club. It was like a real comedy weekend. So Chris D. by we hung out he's sober now so he he said hello well he's trying wow yeah

he's going for it i think he's 20 days in good for him yeah so he came by and that's tough made jokes about fauci and then he left and uh yeah we just had a great time. Man, anyone trying to be sober, respect. It ain't easy. No. Especially, you know the hardest part about being sober is still going and doing shit. Yes. Being around people sober, that ain't easy. No, it's tough, especially at nighttime.

I remember telling my therapist once, like, man, it's hard to be around people sober. He's like, yeah, you got to work on that. Like, that's hard. Yeah. He's like, yeah, you got to work on that. Like, that's hard. Yeah. He's like, you can't just say, he's like, that's on you to connect with people. I'm like, well, some people are tough. Yeah, of course.

But he's right. I mean, we're social creatures and all that, but like all we do is hang out at bars, comedy clubs, nightlife. But we're introverts and that's why we drink. Exactly. Because I don't think we like it naturally. No. I like like to be home i don't like to do anything no i had a weekly poker game when i was in college with like literally like 15 guys would play poker i would get blacked

out every time and all my friends like what are you doing you got to like get it together you can't even play a game of poker without yakking and i'm like i'm sitting there with 20 guys or 15 guys for five hours i'm freaking out yeah your friend loses 15 grand he looks at you he's like you have a problem poker is really i have a friend who used to you know that degenerate friend who would just show up like he would text me the fucking the minnesota links lost i'm like you're betting on the wmba you've got a problem dude that's true he was the type of dude I grew up with him. Phil's met him a few times.

Phil Hanley's met him. He's a character, but he's a degenerate gambler. He's really funny. He's a funny guy. Gamblers are funny. They are because they're very self-deprecating. They're very cynical. Yep, and they take risks.

That's a wreck. Hang out with self-deprecating people because they'll make you laugh. Oh, yeah. Nothing worse than insecure people who are just uh who are just like kind of braggarts oh it's weird the thing that like people a lot of people like will consider someone cool and they're so clearly insecure i know isn't that weird that's interesting where they're like man that guy's cool i'm like that dude hates himself he just doesn't know it yet yes exactly if he was if he was more self-aware he'd realize how

much he hated himself then he'd be cool yes here here they act hip and cool all the time and you're like dude i can tell you're a nerd i can tell you're at home like practicing this shit looking in the mirror putting on outfits and jewelry and all this horse shit just hang this dude's hilarious like he didn't know how i remember he texted me once he was He was like, um, it was years ago. He's like, man, I just woke up next to a hooker and a crack pipe. And I was like, dude,

that's horrible. You gotta get help. He goes, what I'm being self deprecating. I was like, that's not self deprecating. That's like a cry for help. Yeah.

Self deprecating. But he was a funny dude. I mean, he, I remember he just showed up at a gig. I was at Atlantic city and I'm just, I come out of the show, a gig I got stiffed on,

by the way. Uh, I was there for like damn five or six days uh ac yeah the guy disappeared tropicana oh boy he owes people way more money than me though i've heard multiple people talk about this guy yeah oh man there's any justice he's in a car about to get whacked right now but uh i think he's on the subway this morning, if that helps. You just wish you had a friend like Furio to show up. Yes. Put a beat down on him.

Hell yeah. Two best gamblers are Artie Lang and Norm MacDonald, two hilarious guys. Well, Artie had the best stories. I remember Artie had that bit about how he's like, you want to make a game exciting a game exciting put a thousand dollars in the giant when you got 500 in the checking he's like you're gonna care about that game oh yeah but that's a rush i mean that's like something where you're like oh that's that's a problem he's it's funny my friend will lose all this money and then he'll just say shit like i had no regrets and i'm like no regrets it's It's not a relationship. You just lost money. Yeah. I don't get it.

I get the high and I get the, ooh, baby, the hope and the feeling and the blood pumping. But when you lose 500K, it's gone. Like I read Norm's book and he talked about losing like, I don't know, $700,000, which is all the money he had. Wow. And he's like. That's a lot of money to lose. Yeah. He's like, I walked out to the ocean and I was like, I feel clean.

Now I'm going to go make more money. But I feel clean. I got it. I'm like, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. That's a lot of money to lose. Yeah. He's like, I walked out to the ocean and I was like, I feel clean. Now I'm going to go make more money. But I feel clean. I'm like, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. It's insane. You could have donated that to a charity. That's right. And still felt, you would have felt cleaner. Yeah.

That's clean. There's no rush. You don't write that children's hospital check like, woo, baby. There's no fun on that. Maybe. There's no fun on that. I remember when he, Norm, I think he made it to the finals of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. And he bailed on the last one because it wasn't his money.

And you're like, oh, that's a good dude. If it was his money, he would have gone for it and won it all. Yeah, because he was right. He was right. That's such a great episode. I've stolen a joke. He does that just in conversation uh one of the facts comes up one of the questions and regis goes oh you know uh the guitar was actually invented blah blah and norm goes well it's very uninteresting simplest sentence but it's so funny because no one talked

like that on that show it's great it's very uninteresting and he's like that's very insulting someone that bluntly and also that like that's very uninteresting insulting someone that bluntly and also that like in a polite manner it's such a great way to insult someone so good so good norm was cool as a cute he was like burt reynolds he was chewing gum and it's like the lights go down and everything and he was ah it was so great he was a cool handsome guy i know he was everything comics aren't like he was religious he was i think pretty conservative he was uh funny as hell cool laid back he didn't self-deprecate i mean he was he was different yeah but he would self-deprecate i mean like it wasn't like in a i'm like a loser

but he would yeah i mean he was i mean i remember when he got fired i mean he he read the situation as it was i remember he got fired from weekend update. He was very self-deprecating on, you know, on Letterman's, uh, on the couch. Yeah. On the panel. Well, he had an interesting way of doing it because Don Allmire was like, you're not funny. And, and Norm's, you think he's going to go, fuck you. I am funny.

But Norm goes, I'm not. That's horrible. That's why he's a genius. He spun it. He's like, damn, I'm in this comedy business. I'm ruined. I'm not funny? I had no idea.

So sarcastic. Yeah. But sarcasm is kind of a form of self-deprecation. That's true. I mean, yeah, it was great. The gambling thing is so crazy to me. Like Michael Jordan, degenerate gambler. Oh, yeah.

It's crazy. I guess with him, it doesn't really matter because he's just never going to stop printing money. True. But it's crazy i guess with him it doesn't really matter because he's just never going to stop printing money but true but it's a it's definitely a disease like he would be uh playing golf and they would gamble like who would get their drink first like he couldn't stop with mj yeah that's hilarious like little things like let's bet on uh you know who can what would like let's bet on what bird chirps quickest you know there's like three birds like it was crazy shit where you're like dude we're betting on birds now it's bananas that is a sickness that is uh it's weird to be because like competitiveness i understand like jordan best basketball player ever competitive as fuck worked honed his craft and then you're doing something that's just random yeah you have the same competitive fire over over like i get my i bet my drink comes first and you're like that's just it makes no

sense to me it makes no sense but that's the disease you know we i need more what else what else you know let's put on this let's put on that you're like dude relax we played 18 holes of golf you're playing in a game tomorrow on the court. We got competition. You're good. Yeah. But he couldn't stop. Yeah. It's like golf I get because that's the same thing. But over nothing, a lot of young players went broke hanging out with Jordan.

Wow. Well, it's like imagine you're hanging out with your comedy hero. Yeah. And then he's like, Mark, I bet I have a better set than you, and I'm going to put 125K on it. And you're like, well, I want to keep hanging out with him. That's true. That's true remember uh the last dance he's literally throwing quarters against the wall with the security guard like in the back you got a game coming up you should be stretching or something and you're throwing fucking nickels at the wall it's such a different type of dude

than i am it's so funny i i don't have that at all and i'm glad i don't i'm glad it doesn't seem peaceful i go to a casino with my my friend from growing up mike was like the big casino guy and he's like ding ding he's like you hear all that that's money that sounds like money i'm like to me that sounds like losing you know the big wheels you're all that yeah he was a nut i mean he's he's doing all right now but he was a real real game i'm all right now but last week was in rough shape i'll tell you no he that that's what this dude was like he wouldn't care when he lost him he'd say you but he was a real, real game. I'm all right now, but last week was in rough shape. I'll tell you that. That's what this dude was like.

He wouldn't care when he lost. He was like, ah, you live by the sword, you die by the sword. I'm like, I think you live by a woman with an oxygen tank and you die by a woman with an oxygen tank. I don't think this is the sword.

Exactly. I think you've got a gambling addiction. I mean, I do. You do play it though. And you get why people like poker's fun. Poker's awesome. Blackjack's fun. Camaraderie.. Poker's awesome. Blackjack's fun.

Camaraderie. It's social. Yeah. Blackjack's cool. It's like, here we go. What's going to happen? But those machines, I mean, that's just sad. That one I don't get because that one just seems so clearly rigged.

And I'm not slot shaming. But I'm just saying, it's so rigged. You got to sit there for three days if you want to win 20 bucks. Yeah. It's like, it just feels like, it's literally like you. You got to sit there for three days if you want to win 20 bucks. Yeah. It's like, it just feels like it's literally like you're flushing your money. Like that's what that action feels like. It's like a flush.

There should be a toilet going. Yep, exactly. And then just to get some kind of win, you just chug drinks. Cause you're like, I got to get something out of this. And now I'm hammered and losing money.

The free booze. Yeah. Yeah. That really, that really cushions the blow when you lose uh five grand you're like well i had four cranberry vodkas i showed them i know those cocktail waitresses must clean up because yeah you know i'm just tipping like crazy because it's free so i'm like here's a five here's a here's eight here's six but i'm yeah you're right and when you lose i mean that's the thing when you're winning you really ride that wave like you really are like you're generous and when you're losing

you're like well fuck it i lost what's money i lost it anyway you know yeah it's they really take the power out of money i mean i was with a friend recently and he just you know over the weekend he just he won a bunch of money in poker and he's like fuck it drinks on me you know and i'm just like yeah but that i'm like no because, because if you lost, you wouldn't be, you know. Yeah. You wouldn't just be like, you're covering the whole night. Right, exactly. And then it's a weird thing where they give you stuff if you win.

Remember that blew my mind the first time I saw, like, we're going to give you the sweet and the breakfast and the buffet for free because you're winning. And then somebody told me, yeah, they do that so you keep gambling. And I was like. And you lose it. And then you lose it. Blew my mind.

Damn. You know when your friend's a real animal is when you're like i don't know i don't want to go to the casino and he goes i'll take out 300 and i'll take out 100 for you because i want you to gamble with me he's like if you win the 100 give it back to me if you win two you get 100 i had a friend like that once and he's he's a famous comedian yeah and uh it was hilarious he goes whatever you make he's like he's like if you lose it it was hilarious. He goes, whatever you make, he's like, if you lose it all, no hard feelings. And if you win anything, we split it. There you go. This guy's already like enterprising over here, you know?

He's putting other people to work. Yeah, yeah. This guy's a genius. I know, it's pretty good. But if you lose, he has to eat it. But that money's nothing to him. I guess so. If you're doing that.

Yeah. Casinos. They're talking about building them in the city now, which would be crazy. I mean, New York. Wasn't there an article about that in New York City? Well, I mean, because they're trying to make money in the city. And because think about how much money is wrapped up in office space, which they're losing because so many people are working, what, max three days in office a week now? Yeah, way down. Way down. So much is on Zoom. they're losing because so many people are working what max three days in office a week now yeah

way down way down so much is on zoom i mean new york city has casinos like that's that's more money i guess but ugh yeah yeah i don't know we're not bringing in a quality crowd it's a bad crowd what is it cleveland has that casino about four blocks from the club and as you get one block two block closer it's like sketchier sketchier hobo uh you know degenerate gambler people get their paycheck go right there that's the sad thing yeah that friday is packed there yeah it really is well then also uh yeah i remember reno nevada that casino uh they they want to pick me up for morning radio at like 6 a.m. And I'm outside and I'm like, the other dudes out here at 6 a.m. are not people I want to be near. No.

These dudes are on meth. I mean, it was sketchy. A lot of like fast walking. You're like, oh, shit. I know, right? That's the only exercise I'm getting in Reno is fast meth walking like this. It's true. Unless they're leaving my show.

It's the same speed. the smoking too i hate that just being in a warehouse with ding ding ding bad carpet weird sad people and smoke it's a nightmare but it'd be weird to not allow smoking when you're allowing all that true yeah yeah man i bomb every show there it was like it was it does wonders on your soul where you're like man uh not only am i bombing i haven't seen outside right oh and people say go for a walk no you go for a walk see if you come back i know man so true vegas bums me out vegas a little better because it's sunny as hell there's restaurants you know but there's no when you go a little better because it's sunny as hell. There's restaurants, you know, but there's no parks. When you go a little outside the strip, Vegas can be cool. Yeah, yeah.

But you realize you haven't seen a tree in three days. You know what Reno is? You know how every politician has that fucked up younger brother? Yeah. That's Reno. Reno's the one where you're like, dude, Reno's got to get it together. Reno's. That's true.

It's like Hunter Biden. You know, you're like, take it easy. Come on, Hunter. The whores. Yeah, Hunter Biden and Tom or John, what's his fucking name? Donald Jr. Yeah. They're both fucked up.

Every politician's son is. Bush W. Yeah. Yeah. He was a cokehead. Yeah. But he got elected. But he was the president.

Yeah. I mean. He made it in. That was a great movie. Yeah. He was a cokehead. Yeah. But he got elected. But he was the president, too. Yeah. I mean. He made it in. That was a great movie. W? Was it good? Really good. Brolin killed it.

It's really good. He plays Bush? Yeah. Oh, and who plays Cheney? Oh, pull that up. I can't remember. I saw it when it came out. Was that Adam McKay?

No, that was a a different movie which was great brolin elizabeth banks oh yeah jeez jeffrey wright colin pally i could see that colin hanks was dreyfus cheney yes oh look at that yeah drey is good. Yeah, he's good. But the latest one with Adam McKay, I forgot, Operation Vice. Vice. Vice. It was just Vice. I didn't see it. It's heavy, but it's good.

I saw it in the theater. But you're like, Jesus Christ. It's very dense with political shit, but it's interesting. Oh, yeah, and Bale played Chaney and killed it. Man, who's changed his body more than, who's changed their body more, Christian Bale or Oprah? I was just going to say, you beat me to it. Yeah, so true.

Maybe Jonah Hill. He's up there with weight. He changes a lot, yeah. Jonah Hill's fucking great in everything. He's so good. No one talks about how great he is. I feel like people talk about it. Oh, okay.

I feel like you don't put him, it's like Leo and all, but you never put Jonah Hill in there. Comedians never get the same love. Yeah, I guess you're right, because Superbad. But he's great in Moneyball. He's great in Wolf of Wall Street. He's great in serious roles, too. Yeah, that's true. But then he's great at comedy. Yeah, Superbad's hilarious.

He was even great in his cameo in 40-Year-Old Virgin. He was. 21 and 22 jump street are both great dude look at christian bale's body unreal that's crazy to get that skinny crazy i mean that's medically dangerous you think he was going to bars during that time and women were like oh this guy's gross yeah probably damn i mean he did that matt damon did that that can't be healthy no no the weight fluctuation. Well, how about McConaughey in Dallas Buyers Club?

Pull up how skinny he was in that shit. So my lady has a huge crush on McConaughey, and she said after that, he was never as hot. Like, that fucked him up. Yeah, no. I think he- Permanently. I can't imagine it's easy to come back from that. I mean, he's still a really-

Yeah, look how skinny he is, man. Wow. Crazy. I couldn't do it. Isn't it funny how we live in this kind of overweight country? Yeah, look how skinny he is, man. Wow. Crazy. I couldn't do it. Isn't it funny how we live in this kind of overweight country, and these guys can do it? I guess it helps if you're rich and have a trainer.

Well, you don't have a trainer for that. You just probably have someone being like, don't eat. Yeah. That's probably the trainer. Well, what do they do? Like water and lemon juice and cayenne? See, I wonder if that would make you look healthy skinny, though. not maybe not i think you gotta you can't work out either because you don't want to build muscle you must be going crazy that's tough but imagine that first day when you're done rap you're like give me a fucking ho ho a ring ding a donut i'm going all in yeah it must be way more

fun to just gain weight for a roll. Yeah, that's true. Like De Niro in Raging Bull. Or Matt Damon in The Informant or something. Oh, yeah. Good times. Lost 50 pounds and he was already a pretty thin guy. Oh, yeah. Tapioca pudding and fish.

As much wine as I wanted to drink? Interesting. Is that, that works? Huh. I guess he did look like a French woman. Yeah, throw a couple cigarettes in there. 50 pounds. Wow.

All the wine I want. He didn't exercise for five months. Dude, he was 136. Whoa. 135, damn. Damn. I feel like he had a spin Cause remember he was How to lose a guy in 10 days

Sahara I hate my wife Or whatever the hell Failure to launch Yeah failure to launch They were like all like turd Turds Shit movies

And then Out of nowhere He was just in like Five really good things in a row Yeah And people were like Oh shit Wolf of Wall Street

Buyer's Club Mud was good True Detective True Detective five really good things in a row yeah and people were like oh shit wolf of wall street buyers club mud was good uh true detective true detective killed it in that yeah he's great and then uh what was that thing he did oh he was in days confused so he started out good yeah and then he was too hot wow rain of fire i never saw interstellar. I heard that's great. It's good, but it's heavy. I mean, it's three hours of sci-fi, trippy Nolan shit. The score is awesome. Yeah. I cried.

You cried? Oh, I watched it on a movie. I could watch Finding Nemo on a movie, and I'm weeping. On a plane, you mean? Sorry, what did I say? On a movie. On a plane. Snakes on a plane.

Yeah. Do you have any peeves uh yes now this is a thing everybody's saying now and it's too much you know it's like when people started saying uh let's unpack this you know once once everybody says it it annoys me because i'm like get your own thing but this is the thing everybody's saying now, and I hear it 14 times a week. One guy said it, and now it's everywhere. That was another one. Let's table that. That was another one.

Let's table that. Yeah, you're not a therapist. You're also not a CEO. Yes. Why don't we settle down on both fronts here? Exactly. So this is the new one that's bugging me. Everybody thinks they're so cool when they say it.

I'm like, my grandma's saying that. But they go, I'll tell you, that guy was cool till he wasn like my grandma's saying that but it's uh they go i'll tell you that guy was cool till he wasn't everybody's saying that yeah that situation was good till it wasn't because it's not you're not saying anything yeah that's how things work they go from here to here things change yeah things change people change yeah exactly mcconaughey was a good actor till he wasn't yeah you're like all right there's a lot of stuff on twitter like that too i'm just like i gotta get off this thing yeah yeah i know i hate those tropes that start forming like blah blah blah be like you know it's all there's so many of them i can't think of the other one yeah i'm trying to think of others like uh yeah fuck there's so many.

I know. We see them all the time, and we just kind of go, oh, that's what people do. Matt, what are other ones that are like social media ones that make me crazy? Squad Goals was big like six years ago. Everybody, Squad Goals, Squad Goals. Like, all right. And then Though, T-H-O. They'd be like, that body though.

That was a big one. Yeah. It's like funny. It's like bad all right. And then though, T-H-O, they'd be like, that body though. That was a big one. Yeah, it's like funny. It's like bad grammar is cool. It is, yeah. Bad spelling is cool. It's funny. It's like caring is so uncool about anything. Yeah, right.

I know. But I think it's like rapper speak or whatever the hell it is. But yeah, big, that's lit. Oh, yeah. And there's all these TikTok,ok these trends that kick up and my girl's like oh do you know about this trend i'm like no and i don't want to know because it's gonna go away in three days oh yeah when everyone's like on tiktok and they're all like yeah they're all like nodding you're like yeah if everyone's doing it it's not that cool no

but originality is cool i agree but originality isn't rewarded because the trends build and build and build and then you you want to get in that that wave and catch oh god here we go tell me without telling me yes that was a big one oh you know what else is annoying one uh i'm uh i eat popcorn at a podcast old you know oh yeah you know that one like, I shit my pants age. Or what is it? I'm blowing it. I'm shit my pants at a movie theater years old. That's it? Yeah, that's the one you do?

There you go. It's like, yes, yes, we got it. I'm going to ask me if they trim my eyebrows at the barbershop years old. Yes, exactly. Which I am, by the way. So am I. What else? I was 10 years old yes exactly which i am by the way so am i i was what else yeah tell me years old tell me you're a murderer without telling me you're just goes up behind the person starts stabbing them right right or it'll be a picture of zach morris and it's like uh uh you know what

is it want to feel old and it's zach morris like bending over with his back hurting or something want to feel old no actually i something? Want to feel old? No, actually, I don't. Want to feel old? This actor you grew up with has AIDS. Feel old yet? What else? We miss you, Charlie Sheen.

There's sounds, too, that I hear from the other room from my lady. It's like, oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no oh no no no no that was a big one i know there's some 45 year old guy listening to this like i don't know what the fuck they're talking about what else keep going up i hate people that work at the bank i don't know what these are yeah this i don't yeah man this is sad i don't know this one main character trend remember that what's that this wait do it play it you remember the dabbing no what matt am i an idiot for not knowing this you saw dabbing and i have a new amazing trend alert for you guys this trend is called

the main character tiktok trend where you actually get to display what kind of personality you have and other characters that you can relate to with your personality. This is a super fun trend to create. And in this video, we're going to be going over the exact steps you can do to do this in under 15 minutes. Not just that, but I'm also going to show the brands and businesses out there how you can take this trend and ride his forehead with that maximum reach so let's get started are going to be simply three pictures of things that you relate to so that will be different characters so you think this shit is genius because it taps into ego it's all about me i'll get three pictures of me they'll tell me what celebrity i look like. It's all me, me, me shit. It's a guy from Dragon Ball Z. It's, uh... Yeah, Omar's the wire.

That's a big one. Which celebrity do you look like? And then it pulls up, and I'm like, yeah, you don't look like that person. No, no, yeah, you're not Kim K. What else is there, Matt? What are the other ones we missed out on? Because these are cracking me up.

There's a million of them. I don't know any of this shit. I don't know any of this shit is. I wish they weren't tutorials. I wish they were just examples. Yeah, yeah. Google Earth Trend. I don't know what that is. Cherry Bon Bon.

Huh. This is like, this changes people's lives too. Like people go viral off this shit. We don't even know what it means. What I mean when I say I'm from Alaska? That makes sense. What I mean when I say I'm from. That's kind of interesting because you're like, all right, there's different vernacular in different places maybe.

Turning your DMs into quotes. Yeah, see, that's another one. You have to say slide into a DM. You can't just DM somebody. You've got to slide in. Yeah. Netflix and chill was one i mean now that now we're getting that's way picture trend what's that uh-oh i hate that they're all to do it doesn't i mean we're yeah yeah we're going in a wormhole here but um what do you think about when people go like so popcorn popcorn popcorn

then you get an ad for popcorn does that freak you out yeah that is weird it's like yeah the phones are listening man you think of course is that literal they're literally listening to us yeah right i mean that's scary shit i mean they the thing called like the facebook security setting where it would just come uh set like you have to go to settings and turn it off or it would uh it would fall like you ever on facebook and you just see or instagram and you were looking at sneakers on some website and then you're scrolling and there's an ad for those yes that's what it is it's like the it would follow you whoa i mean well they're all it's literally the same thing yeah but it's literally

the same thing as if like a just walks up to you in the street like, check out this sweater. I saw you checking this sweater, and you're like, how do you? Right. It's that shit. It's that level of creepiness. Yeah, and you could turn it off, you said? Yeah.

Oh, all right. I got to turn that off. Yeah, you got to turn it off. Because I'm getting all these gay porn ads on my Instagram. So I got to fix that. Damn. This is scary. And that metaverse is only going to be worse.

I know. Because you can go shopping on the metaverse and hang out with friends and that metaverse is only going to be worse i know because you can like go shopping on the metaverse and hang out with friends on the metaverse and it's all just going to sell you shit like well if you're in the metaverse you got to pay the cover you're in this metaverse bar and you know it's remember when sim city started and it was like well this will be like an escape it's like a funny thing and now it's just life it's just life yeah totally scary stuff it's fucking scary uh and we could push back but our curiosity goes well maybe i'll try this metaverse thing and then before you know it you're buying a goddamn condo and in the metaverse yeah before you know it you're like uh my name is what

that's not my name yeah that's not that was another big one we're just people like i was in this movie i was in this movie We're just like a brag for actors. That's true, yeah. Basically, Brody Stevens' act. Hangover, hangover two. That's a deep cut. You got a wreck? Because I got a honker.

I got a good one, actually, and it's connected to a recent episode. So we were talking about how good that show Winning Time is on HBO. I started the book. It's amazing. Better than the show. Yeah, you'll finish it in like three days wow it's so good all right okay winning time the book i think it's called showtime lakers the dynasty and it goes into detail and the stories are insane and holy shit like it's crazy in sports when the stars align in that way right it's like uh amazing owner and jerry buss amazing uh character and kareem uh magic is the most charismatic player and like you know the most likable player but then some shit behind the scenes you're like whoa and then right you know

pat riley's rise uh you know the coach and what happened before Riley and before Westhead what happened to him how crazy it is I mean the book you'll burn through it it's awesome those sports books are so like the

what was it Bronx is Burning yeah I heard it's a good one everybody raves by that book I never read it but I heard it's amazing I gotta pick that one up but you can tell

Adam McKay clearly read that and was like we're doing a show for sure this is incredible for sure it's awesome what a career we can just make a show like that it's so cool I know but he sure this is incredible sure it's awesome what a career we just make a show like that it's so cool i know but he's earned it he earned it what do you got

i got so speaking of hbo now this is gonna sound niche but it applies to everybody the tony hawk doc i heard it's amazing it's incredible and. And I know it's skateboarding. I know it's kid shit. But it is so deep. And I didn't know how fucked up he was. And, man, talk about haters. You forget this guy. He's a skateboarder, whatever. He's famous.

Everybody likes him. He's got the video game. They fucked him. They fucked with him in the beginning so bad. Skinny Kid just winning all these contests. They would throw beer cans at him. Other skaters spit on his board. What?

All this shit. Like, almost got into fist fights. And he just perceived. Perceived. Why? Why did people hate him so much? Because he was winning. And he was nice.

And he was little. And he came out of nowhere. And he would invent tricks. And they were like, what the fuck's this guy doing with these tricks? I've never heard of those. And they got mad at him. But he's like, I'm making new tricks. Well these tricks i've never heard of those and they got mad at him but he's like i'm i'm making new tricks well you know it's fun and they got mad they're like you're doing it wrong you're weird and uh he just kept going wow yeah i heard

the doc's insane it's insane and i this is a leap here but it almost has kobe bryan-esque where he's like first of all he gets knocked out twice in the in the movie just showing like head back knocked out hospital but he just keeps going he goes back the next day his wife's like what are you doing you're gonna die his brother's like you're gonna die you keep you got concussions he's broken all these ribs incredible you gotta i mean the perseverance he has what a card a concrete bowl a swimming pool just eating shit over and over and you're like stop man but he can't stop he wants to learn that trick what which what's his streaming on uh hbo i watched on hbo max i i couldn't the lady was talking to me i divorced her i threw a blanket

over i was like i'm watching this i'm all in you can either get on board you made a tiktok while you're throwing a blanket over yeah i'm this year's old and i stuffed a sock in her mouth that's not my name that's not my name yeah oh no she's talking again but yeah great time so good and there's a scene at the end where this guy rodney mullen who's like the street skater version because he's a ramp guy yeah and rodney mullins is like he's like they're like he's like the street skater version, because he's a ramp guy. And Rodney Mullen's is like, he's like, they're like, he's like, I can't get out of bed without eight things cracking. He's like, I used to piss blood. And they're like, why do you do this?

And he's like, because I know how much I love skateboarding. And every time my body hurts, I'm glad because it's heavy. You got to watch it. You got to watch it. It's incredible. Neil Brennan was tweeting. I texted him. I was like, how great was this? You know? Wow. I had to know wow i had to like connect i think i saw him post it unbelievable yeah moving

yeah no it's uh he was at the cellar one night i remember and i just it's weird when you're like because i don't know a ton about him but i know who the hell he is obviously and i know that he's a legend and uh you see him in the in the corner room. You're like, fuck, it's Tony Hawk. It better be funny. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you met him. I didn't meet him. I think Hanley met him.

Oh, okay. But I bolted after my set, but Phil was hanging there, and he, I think, got to hang with him a little. Yeah, and class act. Like, the shit he could have done to people that fucked him over, and then he was so nice that they eventually came around, and the 900. He nails the 900 on camera. I watched it as a kid live on ESPN with like five of my buddies. You were a skater boy, too. Big skater, yeah.

So like the 900 was huge for us. I know I called you a skater boy. Like a Maddenville Levine here. I'll see you later, boy. You were a skater. Big skater. And I just like the individual sports. You know, I like UFC.

I like skateboarding because it'sing because it's all you. You've got to make it happen. There's no team help. Like comedy. Like comedy. So this really hit home, and it's so many comedy parallels, which I say a million times. Tennis, golf, bowling, any of the others?

I love tennis. Golf is so slow that I can't get into it. I like that guy John Haley. John Daly. That guy was awesome. He'd be a good guest. Oh, my God. You've got to get him it. I like that guy, John Haley. Well, John Daly. Yeah. That guy was awesome. He'd be a good guest. Oh, my God. You got to get him on.

Is he still alive? Yeah. Okay. He's still going strong. That would be a Bert Kreischer-esque episode. Oh, my God. He would kill us. He would.

He had a great quote with Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods was blowing up, and they were playing together, and he goes, let's get a beer. Tiger Woods goes, I can't, man. I got to work on my swing. He's like, dude, you're great. Let's just get a beer. And goes i can't man i gotta i gotta work on my swing he's like dude you're great let's just get a beer and he goes if i was as good as you i could drink like you but i need to practice wow and daly was like all right i'm getting a beer wow yeah fun fact yeah i mean that self-hatred it's like you think it's safe self-hatred is just for booze bags but it's for it's for tiger too oh yeah well there's

a reason why these guys are so good. The Tiger doc was incredible. Incredible. Loved it. There's something so evil about training a kid since he's like two years old. It really is like, it's saying people get their kids into acting.

It's like, do they ever turn out normal? Never. Is it ever a good idea? No, child actors are all fucked. Even the healthy ones are kind of fucked oh completely yeah i mean look at the the webster guy what's the guy i mean lindsey lohan is fine but there's others that have really had a hard time yeah britney spears they're all going through something you see she's having a baby oh great she told me she wasn't keeping it

you know that her dad is like the second i let you out of this prison you gotta go and get knocked up what was that amanda bines went nuts remember her her parents i think i don't know i couldn't tell i think her parents might have been trying to help her or it's like britney's i don't know enough about the story but like i know britney it's like man that guy although you see her it's funny the second she uh was let out of the conservatorship she posted two nudes on instagram and there was there was a part of me that was like, maybe he was running a tight ship. Oh, yeah. Maybe he knew. Protect

the interest. Yeah. I don't believe in making somebody a slave, but he might have had I mean, I saw her clam within like 20 minutes. Not in that website. The other one. Different Strokes. The older brother. The black guy guy What you talking about Willis? The brother of him

Todd Bridges He became a heroin addict, crackhead He had to go to rehab All those guys, they're all fucked We Might Be Drunk is sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy Relationships take work A lot of us will drop anything to go help someone we care about.

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off your entire order. You're going to save on the cigarettes you aren't buying and save on your initial purchase of fume. That's 10% off your entireH-E-F-U-M.com slash drunk and use code drunk. Yeah. Bad, bad. Don't let your kid go into TV. Yeah, it's not a good idea. Because you start up here and it's like women and drugs and coke and money and then the show ends and you're like, shit.

And fame is bad. Fame is bad. It's not good. It's not healthy. Bad drug. Uh-oh, are we at the end? No, no, no. We gotta do some news stories. Do you guys want breaking news? We gotta do some news. Breaking news? Ooh, breaking. It's sad. What? Gilbert Gottfried

just passed away. Shut up! What? No way! What the hell's going on here? This is the second comedian to die while taping. Wow. 67.

His Dirty Jokes album, we were talking about it recently. It's one of the best, it's one of the best albums. Yeah. Unreal. I opened for him once at Caroline's. He was struggling for the first half hour because it's one of the best albums yeah unreal i opened for him once at caroline's he was struggling for the first half hour because it's like carrie grant said to whatever and then

it was like all right that's funny and then halfway in he's like i'm going dirty and murdering that's what they wanted and the jokes are great great. God damn it. Wow. That's another one gone. You know, I didn't know him well, but he was always super friendly when you'd see him. Super nice. Soft spoken. Not what you would think. Yeah. And they made a documentary about him, which is great.

That's another wreck. God. Crazy. Horrible. I know. I'm glad I got to say I worked with him. Yeah. But.

I did a Zoom with him during the pandemic, and I remember teasing him, and he was in his pajamas, and I said, you look like you escaped a mental hospital. And I got a big laugh at him. And you're like, it's Gilbert. It's like, it feels good when you're like, he's. I remember growing up with him in the Problem Child movies. Remember that shit?

Yes, of course. I mean, that laugh was iconic. Howard Stern loved him. Oh, yeah. I did Jim and Sam with him once, and he barely iconic. Howard Stern loved him. Oh, yeah. I did Jim and Sam with him once, and he barely spoke. He just laughed. He gave it up for everybody. Sad, man.

Wow. We got to get a picture of him on the wall. Holy shit. 67. Did he have cancer? He had something. I know he was ill. Wow.

Glad we got that duck. I mean, you watch that duck and the shit from him from the 80s, he's so alive, he's so ballsy, he's so reckless. It was fucking awesome. It was like that old school comedy where he just grabbed the camera

and it was very like uh erratic and fun he had uh he had a wife and kids yeah so you know thoughts with him that's horrible his wife is super nice super cool yeah damn that's bob saget and uh wow wow bob saget norm louis anderson now gilbert who am i Wow. Bob Saget, Norm, Louis Anderson, now Gilbert. Who am I missing? Man. Shout out to Artie Lang, once again. Hanging strong. You got to give it to him.

Let's do some news stories to maybe lighten this a little bit, because I don't want to just go down here. What do we got? Thanks a lot, Matt. Nah, I'm just kidding. Fisherman finds odd creature out at sea that people think is a baby dragon.

Robert Fedorsov was fishing in the Norwegian Sea when he found a bizarre looking creature and after sharing an image of it online, people were terrified and said it must be a baby dragon damn that is a fucked up little animal that is maybe it's time for uh maybe it's time for a new fish at the jewish deli i want i want i want a bagel with a quarter pound of baby dragon on it

yeah it sounds good baby dragon it's a good Yeah. Like, what's that other one? Whitefish? Well, no, it's like a flavor. Oh, dragon fruit. Dragon fruit. Yeah, it just sounds like, ooh, I'll have that. But baby dragon, yeah, look at that thing. So do we know what it is or is it just ugly? I don't know. Some of these, have you seen some of the, like, this guy's,

I've seen this guy's stuff before and some of the fish, like, they look well they're aliens you know you got to think this the earth is here then space has aliens supposedly and then the ocean has aliens yeah ocean's fucking nuts all kinds of stuff going on down there it's also hilarious to let people name it's a baby dragon like people just hold up they're like oh this is the pocket pussy fish right here this is i prefer the blowfish but yeah that's true i guess you get to name it that's one of the perks of finding a weird thing he loves this shit though he must love what he does because you don't do this thing no if you don't love animals i have no water love i mean i like to sit in the hot tub every now and then, or maybe I'll hit a jet ski,

but some people just love being on the water. I'm not a big water guy. I'm very city. Yeah, me too. I wish I had more love for it. I like to look at the national park and go see the hills and the cliffs and the bluffs, but give me an hour there and I got it.

Yeah. People love nature, but that shit ain't fun. That is, yeah. Oh, my God, it's weird. Yeah. What else you got? What other news? You want to do this one?

We could be a perfect match. JetBlue and Spirit are pairing, not as odd as it appears, CEO says. JetBlue Airways, the New York-based carrier for its in-flight tv lineup uh free wi-fi trendy snacks has made an unsolicited 3.6 billion offer to buy no frills spirit well if they can buy it and kick it up a notch i'm all for it yeah but don't stick with the spirit credo because it ain't pretty. Yeah, it's Credo.

Spirit's terrible. It's terrible. Whenever I ride a Spirit Airline flight, I walk up to the toughest looking guy in there and beat the shit out of him just to send a message. Yeah, the snacks suck. The seats are like wicker. And they get you on the baggage thing. They're like, all right, sure, your ticket was $38. Pretty good price. And you're price and you're like you're damn right and they're like but 50 to check that bag and i'm like well i'll put in the overhead they're like that's 80 i'm like god damn i'll use a seat belt that's

another 200 yes exactly it's so i mean it you know what you're right it's if they if they bump it up it's actually great what do you mean if they make spirit better oh sure because spirit's horrible i mean it's kind of like it's kind of like when someone great starts dating someone horrible and you're like well you're gonna are you gonna make them better or are they gonna make you right it's like it's kind of like we were talking about britney earlier this is a spirit's kind of like kevin federline right you know it's like what are you gonna is this gonna get better yeah it's like kim k and kanye are you gonna make him better is he gonna bring you down and obviously they split yeah yeah

3.6 is that a lot for an airline i don't know what airlines go for i mean i don't think it is i mean delta would not go i mean delta would go for so much or yeah you know united or american or something right but spirit's a smaller airline That's the thing is like two smaller hubs coming together. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Maybe it's a good thing because JetBlue is pretty good. JetBlue is fucking good. You ever done that in Mint?

I've never been in Mint. Ooh, I did it once. Game changer. JetBlue is, it feels very egalitarian. Yes. There's something about it that's uh because some of those flights don't even have first class right it's just everyone with a little more room it's like this utopian yeah uh society julian mccullough had that great joke he's like man jet blue is very

egalitarian like i was on it last week he says the word no i couldn't think of the word he says i was like damn did i just pull a julian mccullough bit by accident no but he's like i got on it and a kid was walking down the all the high the hallway going uh or the aisle going hey i got peanuts uh dollar for oreos you know i gotta do my basketball team we need uh we need jerseys oh that's such a new york joke i know that's great that's the cool thing about jet blue is they're new york based so if you do the mint they're like this is a from this food is from frank's restaurant on third street these cookies are from magnolia bakery like they do all the new york stuff so you're getting all this primo new york food you do feel like a kid when you're on those flights you do like yeah fucking all the cookie yeah you're like kevin

mccallister uh plane passenger said he'd pay extra to not sit next to a woman with odd ritual. All right, let's see what we got here. What are we thinking? Flicking the bean? I think you pay extra to sit there. That's not my name. Okay. Oh, that's pretty clever.

Is that an odd ritual? Wait, do it again? I think it was the feet thing. Oh, she's got these little weird feet hammocks. And then a giant head pillow that you can lean on facing forward. Well, it's probably actually, yeah. First off, I don't love the bare feet on the flights. No, no.

You better be hygienic as fuck if you're doing that. Yeah. But I have no problem with it other than, I mean, a dude with bare feet deserves a death penalty. A woman, misdemeanor. Yeah. Yeah, I'm with you. Because I flew to China, I don't know, five, six years ago. Did some gigs over there.

Flew coach. Hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Coach to China. And the chinese have different rules like at one point a guy's barefoot came through my seat and hit my uh armrest barefoot on my armrest and i was like what the fuck and i told the the what do you call it flight attendant she was like oh yeah that's that's normal the sign of respect in our culture yeah so i gave that guy a couple of elbows like hey watch that foot there uh kung pao or whatever the fuck you know whatever his name was that wasn't his name definitely wasn't his fucking uh-oh here we go marjorie taylor green reports jimmy kimmel to cops after will smith joke oh my god you see

everybody's a snowflake about something. Everybody likes to call everybody snowflake, especially on the right, and then they get snowflaked about other shit. Well, she's nuts. Wow, Jewish space laser. What's the joke? She's my favorite female comedian.

Yeah, she's nutty. Yeah, what is the joke here? Jimmy Kimmel's been going for it lately. Has he? Oh, yeah. Is especially upset with the three Republican senators who said they'll vote yes on Judge Katonji Brown-Jackson,

who's nominated for the Supreme Court. She tweeted, Murkowski, Collins, and Romney are pro- pedophile. They just voted for KBJ. Wow, where is Will Smith when you really need him, huh? That's it? Is it a good joke?

Not really. But also, I think it's pretty offensive to call someone pro-pedophile. Oh, yeah, for sure. Because she wasn't hard enough on some cases as a lawyer? Is that what it is? I guess so. Well, you know, it's like, by the way, that would be hilarious if Will Smith did slap her again. If his publicist was like, dude, you slapped another person.

He's like, I can't. Yeah, he's like, it's my thing now. I got to do my thing. So she reported that. What did she do? She's suing him, I think. She's suing him? Oh, I called the police.

Sorry. She didn't really call the police, did she?? She's suing him, I think. She's suing him? Oh, wait. Called the police. Sorry. She didn't really call the police, did she? She called the police? That's what it says. Capitol Police after late night host. By the way, the Capitol Police, we've all seen. They don't really... They're not really on it.

But, yeah. She's cuckoo. She's off Twitter, I think. They knocked her off. Yeah. That's, she's cuckoo. She's off Twitter, I think. They got her off Twitter. They knocked her off. Yeah. That's hilarious. She called the cops. I will say on a side note, what's the name of the new Kentonji Brown Jackson?

It's so funny when I see comics like, good for her. I love this lady. And you're like, what are we doing here? You're like hyped up about a senator or a Senate seat. Like, how much do you really give a shit? I think the answer is they probably don't and they need something. You're right. It's great.

It is historic. I mean, I think that's what people are like. It's the first black woman ever on the Supreme court. So I think, so I think that's, so it is meaningful. But this is how I do that.

Hey, the first black woman got hired on the Supreme court. Oh, cool. All right. I'll get the, the pastrami on the supreme court oh cool all right i'll get the uh the pastrami on right like i don't know it's just weird that they it's their whole well you're not a sentimental emotional guy i get i get emotional but not about my mom but this is not my

mom yeah it's just some lady who's i've never cared about the supreme court my life personally don't connect to it but i also i get why it's like a historic moment for sure i get the historic yeah i get that but are we gonna do that for every historic moment hey we got our first uh trans cabbie or whatever i don't know it's like sure where does it end all right well i want to see that post oh yeah i'll do i'll do a post for him okay or her or they. What else? A new Oklahoma law will criminalize abortions. Whether it takes effect depends on the Supreme Court. All right. Well, let's see what she does. Criminalize abortions.

So, yeah, this is crazy. So now it's like, I mean, yeah, Texas and Oklahoma. Now you're going to have to go down to Mexico. Yeah. Where they do allow it, I believe. Oh, yeah. They don't say anything anything they don't say no to anything they actually built an abortion clinic right next to a senor frog so you can make a whole weekend out of it you get a yardstick of rum and uh and you take care of booze yeah there you go that's two And those two states are touching.

Yeah, dude. So they might have a baby. They might fuck. Yeah. And they might have to keep it. And I hate to tell you, Texas, but you're a bottom. Literally. Britney Spears said she's pregnant.

There you go. The 40-year-old pop star announced the news in an Instagram post. There you go. I mean. Pete Davidson is at it again. Well, it's also kind of, you know, what's kind of crazy is like, this is what happens when you do the conservatorship. Like you're, people are, they're forced in. I don't know the situation.

I know nothing about Britney Spears. I know if I were gay or a woman, I'd know everything, but I'm not. I'm neither. So, yeah, dude. I mean'm not. I'm neither. Yeah. So, yeah, dude. I mean, yeah, let's go to it. Who's the guy? Yeah, who is he?

It'd be funny if it was Federline again. Like, fuck, this guy keeps coming back. Well, he made a fortune on that divorce. Did he? Oh, he cleaned up. And he invested all his money in wife beaters. This guy's rich. Everyone's rocking tank tops.

Yeah, right. What else? Okay, handsome guy. Good looking guy. Oh, yeah. Okay. Is he a model or something? Sam Asghari.

Oh, he's an actor. Okay. Quote unquote actor. There she is. Louisiana's own. Britney Spears. Britney Spears. Prego.

Yeah, she's from Kent, Louisiana. Hopefully she'll get pregnant in Oklahoma. Yeah, right? There you go. Hey, well, that's a, you know. Is that a white guy? I can't tell. What do you think?

I don't think he's white. I don't see color. I don't think he's white. 6'2". Maybe he's Indian with that name. Iran. Oh, Iranian. Oh, they're hot.

That's a good look. Yeah, they are good looking dudes. Wow. Look at this guy on the boat. Holy shit. Yeah, he's a hot guy. Yeah, you got to have a baby with that specimen. Jesus Christ.

Brittany, what do you think? Would you? Well, for the story, but I don't find her that. Like, I knew girls growing up who were hotter than her. Young Brittany was pretty hot, though. Young was pretty hot, yeah. But look at that. I mean, she just looks like a regular TGI Friday waitress.

You know? Not knocking her, but... We're losing our female and gay base right now. They're just like, look, we're done with this podcast. Yeah, I mean, I think she's a beautiful woman, but yeah, I mean, she's... I mean, that's like a lady who works at Tilted Kilt. You know that place?

I don't know. Oh, that's like an Irish chain bar. She, yeah, she was never like my crush growing up. She was never. Yeah, but definitely above average. Yeah. And a hell of a dancer and talented and all that crap. So good for her.

Good for her. Have the kid. Yeah, yeah. Hopefully he's healthy. Don't abort it if you don't want to. I mean, you know what? Do whatever you want. Do whatever you want.

Eh, kill it. Who gives a shit? A Florida teen was killed as he and another teen took turns shooting each other while wearing body armor. Whoa, Florida, baby. Damn. Hopefully it was actual body armor, not the drink that they were wearing. Under armor?

They filmed it. Would you watch it? What? No, play it. Well, I don't have a video. It's for like a YouTube video. What? Facing charges, both 17 years old.

He had another teen took turns shooting each other while... Wow. Where was that? I didn't realize someone died. Holy shit. So he's going to jail? I feel like it was consensual. Damn.

There's a video? Let's see it. If we can. It's not out yet. Oh, okay. It drops on Patreon. I've never shot my friend in body armor years old. Oh, okay. It drops on Patreon. I've never shot my friend in body armor years old. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. What's the other one? I love the tough guy dad. You know, the dads who hate participation. He's like, back in my day, we didn't wear body armor. We just shot each other. These kids are pussies nowadays.

All right, wow. The man suspended of shooting Lady Gaga's dog, Walker, was mistakenly released from jail. The suspect was released from jail after a court hearing due to a clerical error. Authorities are now on the hunt. Holy shit, a clerical error. This sounds like the plot of a bad Adam Sandler movie. Damn it, he's back on the street.

I want our best man on him. It's Tommy Lee Jones. They redo The Fugitive, but it's about a guy who just shoots a little dog. Oh, no, he didn't shoot. He shot the guy, right? He kidnapped the dogs. Oh, yeah, because they were worth a lot of money. So he shot the guy, yeah.

That's a bummer when you're below dog. Right, right. Woo. I feel like if you're going to steal something, a Lady Gaga's dog trainer isn't exactly the toughest guy. I feel like if you're in charge of those two little twinkie dogs, I feel like it's not some- I hope that guy got paid, though.

He got shot. I'm sure he did. Hold on. Popcorn. The dogs are worth, they were worth like, you know, 400 grand each or something. They're like show dogs. Damn, dude. Damn.

Clerical error. Pretty good. That's why you got to get Excel. Is that it? That's all the news? Good news, dude. Yeah. Good news.

Bad news for the clerical. Yeah. Well, you got a bit? Let me see. I got a bunch of ideas. What do you got? I got an idea. It's totally not finished, but I think I got something here.

What do you got? So everybody now likes to tell you their thing. It's like, as a woman, as a trans immigrant, as a black man, and I'm like, I'm gonna treat you the same either way, so it doesn't really matter to me what you are, but I'd rather you tell me your mental illness, because that's actually helpful. Like, as a narcissist, as a sociopath,

as a whatever, that I can use. As a bipolar person. So you should start introducing with that shit instead of your race or your gender or your sexual orientation problem is the narcissist don't know they're a narcissist yeah yeah huh maybe you say yeah well i'm a i'm you know mexican you're like yeah but you're also a narcissist and they're like what did you say you know right right there's something there's something about like uh you got to claim all of it. You can't just tell me your ethnicity. You got to tell me your disease. As a depressed person.

Yeah, why do they do it as just a... That's interesting. Because they'll be like, I read this news story, and as a Hispanic woman that affected me, and I'm like, eh, I don't know. It affects everybody. I get it, but it wouldn't be a lot more helpful if they were like, as a narcissist,

this bothered me. And I'm like, of course, that makes sense. Yeah. So I don't know what the funny is. You say, as also a narcissist, it's nice to meet you. Right, right, yeah, yeah. That should be, I mean, that's really,

people should have to lead with that shit always. Yes, because there's so much mental illness now, and there's so many different sects. It's very diverse. Also, if you told me that, at least I'd be like, well, this person's probably in therapy. Yeah, right. You tell me your race just doesn't...

I can tell you race. That's true, too. That does nothing for me. Yeah, it doesn't help me at all. I knew you were that race. Right, exactly. I knew you were a black woman. You don't have to be like, as a black woman.

I already got that. Give me the mental illness you got. But you gotta be honest about it, too. You can't just be like, as a OCD. I'm like, no, no, I want the real shit. You can only tell they're being honest if it's bad. Right. As a manic depressive.

As a thief. I identify as a thief. As a pedophile. Like, wow. I identify as a thief. Yeah. As a pedophile. Like, wow, this fucking, this pedophile is honest. Yeah. As a compulsive liar, whatever it is. Like, everybody's got their own. Well, as a compulsive liar, it doesn't even help you because you're like, well, is he lying right now?

Maybe it does help you a little because you're like. Good point. Good point. This popcorn is fucking good. I know. It's so good. But that's my jumping off point so once i figure out some yeah as someone who identifies i feel like it is interesting i feel

like young people now do identify more with their mental illness oh yeah because it makes them interesting yes exactly it used maybe the angle is it used to be about your race that made you interesting and now you got to take it up a notch. Now it's kind of like, okay, but now it used to be as a black man. Now it's like as a bipolar black man. Yes, exactly. You're like, oh, shit. It's like when people tell you, you know, I'm bi, and you're like, I don't care.

I know. That doesn't make you any different or better or worse in my eyes, but if you're like, as a bipolar, now we got something. I got something there with the bi, the bipolar. Hanley that joke oh he does yeah shit what's his hanley's is uh he said he was writing out the pros and cons for his girlfriend and he wrote uh pro bi con polar oh that's a great it's a great joke because it gets a laugh on the bi that's a great joke. Because it gets a laugh on the bye. That's a great joke. Damn. All right, well, that's out.

That's out. Yeah. But I'll noodle. Noodle, buddy. All right, hit me. I got a few ideas. Let me see what I got here. Because I'm sunken.

Yeah, I think I got some other stuff. Trying to see what else. Because I have like a few that are almost hitting. Oh, man. We have 800 Gilbert ticks. Oh, I know. This is – so a lot of these are jokes that I've either done on here or I'm doing on stage and they're either working but they're missing something. So I'm trying to – yeah, a lot of these are ones that i've either tried here and i keep adding to so i'm trying to think which ones

um uh lay it on me baby well this one i tried originally on the i told her the story now i'm doing on stage in a sitting so i want to maybe see if i can add to it but uh it's a story about me and gary going through security and the woman is awful to the other one oh yeah you know when we say like lady enough and you know and then great story and she goes this doesn't concern you and i say you know it does and then she yells out security and i'm like they all fucking hate you this woman yelling at all the tsa yeah she's yelling at everyone security i'm like you just cursed you yelled at all of them they all fucking hate you this woman yelling at all the tsa yeah she's yelling at everyone security i'm like you just cursed you yelled at all of them they all fucking hate you and then uh and then you know gary my friend gary chimes and he goes this isn't the movie of your life you're a nobody which that gets a laugh on stage i'm saying that and then she goes well you're short yeah and he

goes lady you should see me without my shirt on i was like dude we had her yeah that's the line that hits and then i say uh we're professional comedians we could do better but you know in that moment you got to have his back so i'm like he does look good without a shirt on you gotta like back him up yeah you know but uh you're scrambling but i don't know what the next like i i have a couple angles i have or or, like, part is, like, one is, like, we went in there trying to, like, we went in there seeking justice to stop this woman for being rude to TSA, but you just end up looking like a gay couple. You just end up being, like, he's got a good body. You should check him out. That's funny. And the other angle I had is either that or, like, how we're professional comedians and that's what we hit her with.

It's like pathetic. It's like. Both of those are great. Well, the other angle is like, it's like literally like we are really good at insults. That's our job. Yes. Is to be quick with insults. And this is what, it's like if you got into a fight with an MMA fighter and right as he got into a stance, he just shit his pants or something.

That's good. That's great. I don't know. Well, the funny thing is now you're killing with it so it's almost like yeah we're comedians but you gotta let me have some time to write you know you can't pull out a desk and a chair while she's talking you know uh also there's something interesting about we talk about terrorism this lady is like a mini terrorist yeah Yes. She's terrorizing. There's no security for that shit. That's how white women terrorize. Yes.

Yes. Exactly. You always think about Al Qaeda, but you don't think about. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to say Al Karen because that's fucking too easy. Sure. That's easy.

That would hit. I know. What? I'm not doing it. Don't do it. But it's like. But Al Qaeda got through security. Yeah.

And she can't even get through security. She-qaeda got through security yeah that's the and she can't even get through security that's that's funny yeah baggage blah blah blah something there yeah she's got yeah but like the idea that a terrorist this is like the misdemeanor version of a terrorist. Right, right. This is like, we won't blow up your plane, but we will fuck up your afternoon. Yes, yeah. We won't blow up your plane, but we will fuck up your morning. Ah, I like it. Yeah, I'll play with it.

There's stuff to noodle with there. Yeah, like. There's fucking popcorn. I can't stop. I know, me neither. I'm sure the people at home really appreciate us chomping this whole episode. I tried to chew over here, but yeah, I fucked up. It's so good.

Thank you, Navs. Yeah, that's funny. That's a lot there. You know, you can't have liquids on a plane, but you can have an attitude, something, you know. Yeah. There's a lot there. No security for cunts. I'll avoid that one.

I'm like, well, you, you lady are a cunt. Everyone applauds. That's how I picture it. Cunt air. It's a horrible airline. Everybody's got an attitude. All right. Well, hey, good ep, good stuff.

Hit the Patreon. We're cooking. I mean, I feel like we've been just banging with the guests and the eps and the- We might be drunkpod at gmail.com. Yeah, we got merch. Send us gifts. Whatever you got, we might be drunk pot at gmail.com yeah we got merch send us gifts whatever you got we'll put it on the goddamn wall i think we're moving soon or we already have moved so we'll put the new address up what what date you got there nashville albany toronto chicago i assume will be sold out by now uh east Providence, Rhode Island, Tampa, Cleveland, Houston,

West Palm, Buffalo. You get it. Samuel.com slash shows you the best. We love you guys. Hell yeah. I'm all over the road as well. In May of this month, we got Addison Improv in Dallas,

one of my favorite clubs. Love that room. Bricktown Comedy Club in OKC. Classic. San Jose, I think is getting moved for some TV bullshit. Stand Up Live in Huntsville, Alabama. Going back to the south. Minneapolis, Minnesota.

The Pantages. Let's sell that out. Chicago's almost sold out. Maybe will be by this time. Cleveland, I need a lot of help, Cleveland. Come on out. We'll go to the casino. We'll do it up. We'll go to, what is it what is it slotskis what's that place called in cleveland it's like that uh it's like a diamonds slimans yes yeah that's quim beef baby great and that's coming

from a new york jew baby bon secours wellness arena. Oh, I'm doing some Burt shows. Going to the Dragway in Bristol, Tennessee. The Greek in LA. All kinds of fun stuff. Irvine Improv in Cali in July. So yeah, come on out. Say hello. Get a shirt. Get a glass.

Toast it. Tilt it. Drink it up. We love you. Love you. Yeah. Sunday's the day for my next bender. I've made a fever wreck.

You know the beer juice close. I've had a little too much bourbon. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking pump. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like the cops are coming. And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her

And I get down in the same way We might be true