We Might Be Drunk - Ep 77: Bloody Mary

Episode Date: May 30, 2022

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Hey, hey, folks! Here we are! We might be drunk! We're doing it! We're back! Woo! Good to see you, man. You too. You look good. Yo, you too. Oh, thank you. I got eight hours of sleep last night, which is so rare for me. I got like six and a half, which is honestly, I'll take it. Six and a half isn't bad.

It's not a horrible number. No, because you're going towards seven. Yeah. That's pretty good. It wasn't horrible. Of course, I got a year of construction in my building just, and you can't talk shit because you've got the hammer. Yeah, right, right.

Where are you at on sleep mask? Would you do that? I do it. You do it? At home? Yeah, you don't? No. That's nice.

I got drapes. Yeah. And they match the carpet. But, wow. What's wrong with it? I don't know No. That's nice. I got drapes. Yeah. And they match the carpet. But, wow. What's wrong with it? I don't know. I mean, nothing to draw with. I just want to wake up and wake up.

I don't want to. I got the Tempur-Pedic, so it almost puts pressure on the eyelids. It's kind of nice. I like it. Man, that's pretty good. Yeah. What about a fan? All my friends growing up, I got to have a fan going.

That's like a lady thing, I feel like. Oh. The fan, because they always want it to be a little colder and the sound i think right right yeah women are always cold but they also want it to be cold that's true yeah that's true it's uh remember that great david tell joke he's like you know why women like a vibrator sounds like it's listening damn brilliant god damn i know he's the king how do you find that angle I know exactly I've heard 800 vibrator jokes never heard that That's a clean vibrator joke

Yes that's right I like the noise machine It was raining gently last night I know Which is like oh my god I think that helps That's the absolute best Yeah cause it's funny if you go on YouTube

There's all these like sleep 4 hour sleep sound You know it's funny. If you go on YouTube, there's all these like sleep, four-hour sleep sound. You know, it's like rain or waves or whatever. For me, they need to make a New York one. It's just hobo lady yelling, guy screaming, deranged guy talking about the government or whatever. A black Israelite like, you need to listen. I'm like, this is beautiful. Let me just.

Yeah, exactly. The Jews. It's like a you need to listen. I'm like, this is beautiful. Let me just. Yeah, exactly. The Jews, it's like a Farrakhan thing. Yeah. I was in Utah all weekend. And I'll tell you, man, every downtown is crazy right now. I know. What is that? It is like drugs.

I mean, meth, people losing their jobs. But it's crazy because Vita and I were like, this is like a video game. Yeah. We're walking by and we'd see a guy. I'm like, this guy looks like a boss. He's walking toward you like shit. He's holding a knife. I'm like, alright, you go right, you go left. Everyone in Utah is either

that or like, hi, I'm Brother Gary. How are you? There's no middle ground. No. I feel like the middle in Utah are these people that have neck tattoos. They're ripped. They all look like ex-UFC fighters and all the women there Look like old porn stars They got fake tits

And lips That's true There's a big MILF community Oh yeah The Real Housewives of Salt Lake That's right Yeah They all have kids

Well cause they all got The husbands wouldn't fuck them In their early 20s Unless they were married So they got married At like 22 Right And now they're single again

At 40 Yeah And they're horny as shit Cause they haven't fucked their husband in five years. Yeah, and they don't drink because they're all Mormon. Oh, my God. That looks creamy, dude. That looks like Thousand Island dressing.

What the hell? What is this, a penne alla vodka? What are you making us here? I know. That's our fully loaded Bloody Mary today. What is it loaded with? Oh, we got everything in there. We got the traditional stuff.

Horseradish, worcestershire, Paul some pepper salt with the tahini rim and then we got a cornichon and stuffed olives on top I love a corner here, you know the Obligatory celery stick. Yep a little lemon juice and Tabasco and for an extra kick of spice I added some red-eyed chilies in there. Damn! I'm not going to lie to you. It's the best Bloody Mary I've ever had in my life. Wow! Well, thank you for that. That is phenomenal.

I've had a lot of these at airports. Let me see what's what. I really hope I don't lose out to airport Bloody Mary. Wow, that's damn good. You came in second at the United Lounge. Well, after 9-11, I had one. Celebration. This is really good.

That's crazy. That is amazing, and it's just spicy enough. Not too much, not too little. You've got to make one for Peters, a producer who's apparently never had a Bloody Mary. How is it you've never had a Bloody Mary? Well, Peters hates vegetables, let's be honest. Listen, we'll pop his tomato. It's fine.

Look how much work he put into that. I'm not doing that. What? That's so much work. You can order it. It's fine. Look how much work he put into that. I'm not doing that. What? That's so much work. You can order it. Oh, okay. How have you not... Are you like a...

Oh, you would kill a hangover with a beer guy? Is that what it is? I've only had like two hangovers. Oh, get out of here with that. Two hangovers. That's really upsetting me here. Sorry, I'll leave. I feel like I've had two hangovers this week.

No, this is great. I love a Bloody Maryary over mimosa those are like the brunch options i think but bloody mary you could order in like a shithole that's why i like you're not ordering mimosa in a dive bar good point good and also it's i think you go for the bloody mary for the savory over sweet if you're like an eggs over pancakes for breakfast person which i am yes this is the hetero mimosa exactly calcanane has a great joke about like there's this guy who sent back a mimosa on a friday night in a dive bar and i knew i could kill him but then he sent it back and i knew he was an assassin so you know i just like who would

order you know like a brunch drink out of that dive bar yeah like confidently so like you know what i just finished my bloody mary and i got the fuck out of there like it's like leo ordering a cranberry juice yes departed remember that what are you on your period great scene i just watched a four hour martin scorsese breakdown it was amazing what is it it's just on youtube i i just get sucked into these it just starts his whole career to the the final movie he did. What's his last movie? Uh, geez. He did Hugo. Hugo was good.

Then he did Wolf of Wall Street. Great, I love that. Love that. Yeah, I can't remember now, but he's got all these other ones that we haven't heard. He did a Bob Dylan biopic. Right, I didn't see that. What's the last one? Oh, shit.

Oh, Irishman. Oh, yeah, It was solid. Solid. Too long. They really spent way too much money on that anti-aging stuff. I mean, De Niro's body. It's like you saw him kicking the guy, and I'm like, this looks more painful for you. Yeah.

I've seen the Jussie Smollett fight look more real than that fucking thing. Yeah, that was bad. The last, I mean, you know who's amazing in that movie, though, is Pesci. Oh, yeah. Because it's a treat to just see Pesci show up at this point. So true. And it had all the usual suspects. It was De Niro, Pesci, Harvey Keitel. Yes.

It was great. Great time. Keitel, kind of underrated, man. I agree. Always brings it. Always. Decent hog, too. Is he a big dick? Bad lieutenant, you see a hog in there. Right. Yeah. I forgot. You know brings it. Always. Decent hog, too. Is he a big dick?

Bad lieutenant, you see a hog in there. Right. Yeah. You know, it's funny. I was just going down a YouTube rabbit hole on the road, and I was watching Nicolas Cage bad lieutenant scenes. Oh, yeah. I remember seeing that in the theater and just being like, what the fuck is this?

It's pretty funny. It's funny, yeah. Cage is fun. Yeah. He goes for it. He's got that new movie out where he- Looks good. Yeah, he's just making fun of himself.

It's like a meta kind of play on himself. Only he could really do something like that. It looks really good. Oh, yeah. And the fact that he's got these gambling debts, so he has to do Ghost Rider 2, I find endearing. It's like he's the norm of movie stars. Yes, yes, exactly. And he's good, too too on top of it so you

get he's so good he's almost too good for a certain movie you can always tell when he knows he's in a stinker because he just like overdoes it and he's like if i'm going down i'm going down like a fucking g yes like con air face off is so hilariously over the top even though the national treasure is they made a couple of those those are silly silly. Are they good? No. I mean, they're fun. They're like, ugh, Disney horseshit, you know? It's a fun action family movie. Adaptation's incredible. Incredible! That's one of the best performances. That and Leaving

Las Vegas, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's a downer, though. Oh, yeah, but like Family Man. Family Man is solid. Is it? I think it's solid. I think it's a solid holiday. Like, is it cheesy? Absolutely, but it's like, he's amazing in it. Okay. Okay.

He plays like the miserable rich guy who like, it's like, what's the movie that it's kind of a remake of? He's also in a movie called The Weatherman, which I thought was underrated. Yeah, it was dark. Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty good. I used to work at Blockbuster, so I'd see all these boxes. I could see the boxes in my head still on the shelves.

That was a great box. Great box. I was about to jump in and you were... So yeah, Utah, huh? Yeah, Utah's all right, though. Where were you? You were in D.C., right? I was all over.

Listen to this run I did. Pittsburgh University. Oh, yeah. How was that? Great. This guy, Russ, who put the whole thing on is a genius because he took the show, took it out of the university and put it at the improv. So all the college kids came to the improv.

Your turf. My turf. Different rules. He's like, say anything you want. He was like, they were nervous about your content. They watched your special. And they had some doubts. They didn't want to have you.

So I said, what if we move them off campus? They said, great. Wow. That special and they had some doubts. They didn't want to have you. So I said, what if we move them off campus? They said, great. Wow, that's a great idea. Yeah. So a hot show. Great. It's a good room.

Have you ever been there? Yeah, yeah. Good layout. Right by those abandoned trail tracks. Yeah. Rail tracks, rather. Yeah, it's like a steam,

what do you call that? Steel town. You know, it's all those steel mines. Pittsburgh is cool. Cool city. I've had good times. I mean, we've got the Warhol Museum.

Yes. We've got some cool restaurants downtown. It's kind of a pretty city, too. I heard that ballpark is legendary, too. Beautiful. And you fly over. It's almost like Chicago. It's just like the river with the bridges going through.

It's great. Yeah, Pittsburgh's cool. So that was great. Got out of there and went to Charlottesville. Did the Southern. You should do this room. Yeah. Killer room.

I would, but the Jews can't replace you. It was good? Yeah. Small, like black box, like 200 seats. I've done it. Oh, you did it?

I've done it before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great room with Fat Chris Al. We hit that up and then we did Durham, the Carolina Theater. So I rented a car, drove to Durham and then flew to D.C that up and then we did Durham the Carolina theater so I rented a car drove to Durham and then flew to DC the next day and did the Lincoln highlight of my life beautiful

theater it looked beautiful Chris Rock special uh Killing Em Softly's there and uh Bill Bird's Why Do I Do This is all wow three classics classics and uh just uh it it hits you I'm backstage with Chris Al I'm like what the fuck are we doing that imposter syndrome no oh my god come on when you when you go from the pittsburgh improv to the lincoln theater it's like who am i what is this you know dude you're putting in work you know it's it's it's payoff for the work you've been putting in it's nice payoff yeah so we had then the beauty of it though you try to enjoy it too i'm trying because i understand i feel it too the imposter syndrome yeah but at the same time you know you gotta

when you have these milestones you gotta feel it you gotta feel it yeah so of course you're right you gotta be gracious so i put up a cheesy instagram post because i was just beaming about the whole thing yeah and then here's the here's where the psycho kicks in We do the Lincoln Theater Sean Joyce goes I got a brand new club It's 110 seats You wanna come do it I go I'm on my way

We go to this place called the hotbed And just do bullshit sets I saw the comedy artwork guy post a picture It was of you but with a mustache And fake glasses on like a bad disguise And I was like Is this supposed to be Kn known that it's you? It was like a secret show, yeah.

Yeah, but it wasn't, you know. Yeah, yeah. But it was all your people, though. Yeah, the problem was some of the Lincoln people came out to like, oh, we're going to go to the secret show, too. And so I'm like, eh, it's a lot of the same stuff, you know. Yeah, well, it is the same stuff, right? Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I tried some new in there just because I felt guilty. But we all had a great time. And, you know, I mean, we're club guys. These theaters are great. But it's just fun to sit in the back of a club and bullshit. It's a different type of show. Yeah. You have to kind of pace it a little differently.

Exactly. It's less fucking around, riffing and stuff. But, you know, I did a Sunday. We had a Sunday on Easter. And it sold out in Salt Lake, which was pretty cool. Oh, man. Talk about some Heathens, man. I mean, hey, you're out on Easter in Salt Lake. These are

my people. Yes, yes. That's such a great club, great room. Keith is great. I love it. Keith is great. I love that place. And the NBA playoffs are on. It's like you have the game on the back, and then you go on. It's perfect. Hell yeah. game on the back, you know, and then you go on. It's perfect. Hell yeah.

I feel like a club is like a diner. We feel very comfortable in a diner. And then the theater is like a steak, white tablecloth. You know, so you're like, this is nice, but I don't know if I fit in.

Yeah, that's a good point. But I love a diner. Love a diner. Oh yeah. You can do it. Diners always feel good. Like there's so much you can order.

Yes. There's so much you could do in a diner right right the menu is this big with eight million options it's like porn porn used to be missionary harry bush and uh uh what's that guy's name ron jeremy and now porn is like adopted trans immigrant uh does cartwheel onto dick or whatever. I'm like, do you have it? Not adopted. I want a nuclear family here. No, it's yeah. And Ron Jeremy's on trial for rape.

I mean, that's fucking. That's wild. Like you didn't get laid enough. You fat fucking pig. I know. You didn't fuck enough above your weight. Yeah. No pun intended.

It's hard to get above it. The hedgehog that's what they called him yeah yeah just the ugliest guy i think he gave hope to a lot of a lot of sad dudes i don't think i don't think sonic ever uh grabbed a woman tails hold her down well he was fast yeah look at this i mean he looks like a villain too he's so scary remember one night you're on at the cellar i I went on after you, and he was asleep in the crowd, and you just turn to your right, and you go, is Ron Jeremy fucking asleep? And I got a huge laugh.

Oh, man. That's crazy. Oh, my God. Look at him. He looks like Rape Santa. Doesn't he? Look at that shit. That's the worst cologne, by the way.

Rape Santa. You don't want to spray that on. Holy shit. Wow, there he is as't want to spray that on. Holy shit. Wow, there he is as Mario. He's coming at you. Jeez. Scary guy. Well, Salacuse will be missed.

That's every comment about Salacuse. Ron Jerry, Ron Jerry, Ron Jerry. Wow, I never would have seen that. That's hilarious. If we can get a side-by-side, that would be exciting. But I don't want to call... Maybe we can call Salacuse Rape Santa. Rape Santa's good. The holidays.

Damn, what a weird... Great time. Is that him? That's Sally. Look at that. He looks good. He looks good there. Looks sharp.

Yeah, that's back in the 70s. Salakius was still 24. He still wore Hawaiian shirts. He's still blowing lines. Damn, yeah, you know what? Come on. You can see it a little. It's sad when Ron Jeremy is looking a little better.

Well, that's very young Ron, though. He was young. That is so weird to just get into porn when you look like that. When you look in the mirror and you're like, yeah, porn star. Right. Yeah, why not? I guess so. I mean, Stallone tried porn what you

didn't know this no there's footage he's in a porno uh he couldn't make any money he couldn't get a gig in la he was broke and he did a couple pornos damn yeah there he is come on it was before he started lifting weights too yeah yo adrian hey nice piece. You're going to have to blur that. Yeah, you got to blur. Wow. Big Bush, too. Jesus. Big Bush. Bush Senior.

Holy hell. Good time. All right, all right. What are we doing? This is turning me on. This is awful. Can I give you a peeve? Please. Peters, you know what it's going to be.

Pull it up. Pull it up. You know that your boy. Yeah, look at that. I'm on a flight yesterday. I'm one away from full flight. I'm hoping to get that first class upgrade. I'm one away.

Yeah. I'm not. I'm in Delta comfort. But not bad. This motherfucker. Look at that. And I people commenting like what's his middle seat. He's allowed to have the have the arm bar.

Hey, I'm fine with that. The armrest. My issue is when the arm starts leaking into my area. Yes. That elbow. Now look at me. I'm bunched up. Totally.

Yeah. Now this is crazy. And you're a tall guy, so you've got a wingspan. So now you're doing the arm clasp. I am. Which I hate because it gets your armpit hot. That's awful. You can't fall asleep like this.

Yeah. It's crazy. It wasn't good. Oh, and also of course you know i'm on three hours sleep i'm trying to fall asleep and you get the shout out to the flight attendants i know it's a tough job you get them walking by and they're just like granola cookies pretzels almonds but granola and i'm like they all you don't have to say it again every you don't have to reset every second exactly. Exactly. You try to wave over to the other side just to even out a little bit, and then they hit you with the cart.

Oh, yeah. It never ends. Then the announcements keep going, too. They were very nice, but I wasn't able to sleep because of that. But you know what? I also was like, it's my fault for not sleeping, so what are you going to do? Well, that's a four and a half hour flight, too. That's no joke.

It's always longer than you remember. Always. Utah? Utah? I mean, that's west. This is into the this is it's an invasion that is it's an invasion of space invasion of normandy or marilmondy but yeah it's crazy terrible that is too much see what you got to do is every now and then just kind of do one of these and then you hit his elbow and then maybe he'll realize like oh i'm deep into this territory.

He's crossing the border. You got to call ice. He didn't do it for long. He went back pretty quickly. I kind of. Okay. Because what you do is he comes up for a sec. I slid right in there.

Yes. So that way it's like a non-confrontational go fuck yourself. Right. He lifts. I go, oh, I'm sorry. That's the move. And I just kind of turn to him gently. And then started eating seaweed snacks like this. And breathing it on him. Oh's the move. And I just kind of turned to him gently and then started eating seaweed snacks like this.

And breathing it on him. Oh, smelly. Those are the grossest things to eat next to someone on a flight. Totally. Just go. There's that little crunch and the crackle. Yeah, my lady eats those all day. There's little seaweed drops all over the floor.

They taste great. But you smell like shit after you eat them too. Oh, yeah. Now, top to bottom, both smell like seaweed. All over the floor. They taste great. You smell like shit after eating two. Oh, yeah. Now, top to bottom, both smell like seaweed. All right, everybody. Come on. What do you got for a peeve? Here's a peeve that I had this one on the road.

You ever get the guy who asks you a question and answers it? Yeah. He's like, what do you want for dinner? The guy coming in about the show, he's like, we got a lot of great restaurants around here. I'm like, yeah, I'm hungry. Let's see. What am I going to eat? He goes, well, what kind of food do you want for dinner? You know, the guy coming in about the show. He's like, we got a lot of great restaurants around here. I'm like, yeah, I'm hungry. Let's see. What am I going to eat? He goes, well, what kind of food do you want?

Italian? I'm like, no, let me think. Let me think. Let me think. Maybe I'll do something Asian. Thai? I'm like, let me answer. He's asking me the question and then answering it.

He's trying to get to the answer before I can say it. And it's throwing me off. Yeah. He's like, what are you drinking? I'm like, he's like, beer? I'm like, let me answer. Yeah, it's like, what are you drinking? I'm like, he's like, beer? Like, let me answer. Yeah, it's like the game show of his life here. Yes.

I mean, yeah, it doesn't help. Sometimes I don't mind when someone does it. If it's like a friend I'm with and I just am like, I can't decide. I'm so bad at deciding what to eat. Yeah. I always feel like I fucked up the second I do it. Me too. Indecisive.

I don't want someone deciding the meal no you agree on the meal you suggest yes and then i couldn't figure out why it annoyed me so much it's because you have to keep saying no and i feel guilty you know he's like you want to tell him i'm like no not really and he you can tell he's like oh geez i've been throwing out 18 suggestions and i'm like well i'll get it you just got to give me a second you're like you're like a woman at a frat party like You're like, no, no, no. I know. I'm talking to Ron Jeremy here.

That's enough. He's like, do you want cock? You're like, no, not cock. He's like, penis. How about penis? How about balls? No, I'm good. But yeah, my parents do a thing, and tell me if yours do,

where they'll go like, they'll go, hey, so I heard you auditioned for that movie. Did you get it? And I'm like, that movie was six months ago, and if I would have gotten it, I would lead with that. So now I have to go, no, I didn't get it, and now I feel like a douche, even though they're trying to be nice and remember the shit, but I'm telling them no, and the whole thing sucks.

Did you book the movie? Yeah, if I booked the movie, I would have texted you, Mom, you know, a month ago. I wouldn't have been like, I'll sit on that until we're completely out of stuff to say and let you bring it up. Yeah, no, I'm terrible at that. I mean, my parents do that all the time. I'm like, what happened with that movie?

They went with someone else a year and a half ago? Yeah, yeah. We just saw the movie at the theater, Mom. I wasn't in it. Yeah, but I get they're trying, but it's brutal yeah i think you just start forgetting shit yeah i think you ever just feel that way you ever just like you were just like did i do that and that's like yeah i i think that's like is that that we're run down and tired from bad sleep schedules or are we slowly declining mentally i wanted that too

well i'm noticing that friends of ours are repeating stories that they've told us already and i'm like dude you're like 37 why are we in repeats we got our whole lives ahead of us let's go make some memories why are we talking about the thing that's already happened again right it's a little much and i think people just have go-to stuff that they're like oh you said this i'll i got this but i'm like i already heard that story and do i keep do i react like i haven't heard it are you rude if you're just like we've we've there's a rerun here exactly is that rude i don't know call in that's tough i'll tell you what's not tough this bm i know can i get another one of these yeah i'll do one more too uh it is for here by the

way the comments are going to be you've said you both said this 47 times you're right i had that once this peeve has been uh repeat yeah no so i mean you were all over the place man oh yeah too good this is too good there's a problem it really is this is the ultimate hangover cure are you making this spicy oh absolutely i mean it's i feel a kick yeah i mean like you can use a little tabasco if you don't like spice or you could add like something a little hotter i like to add a little like uh pepper not like jalapenos but like some uh like red-eyed chilies ones that like will just give you that like kind of like bite your tongue but not like too much flavor but you can go like habanero if you want that's for the fuck

that's if you're nasty if you really want to get crazy and have a lot of cool flavor you can find like nice fresh ones scotch bonnet peppers yep oh my god how do you feel at the places that go crazy and they put like bacon and shrimp okay so, so here we go. I love that. So like I was thinking about like putting shrimp in here or something like that and like just eating our drink today. But the thing about bacon, shrimp, absolutely. That totally makes sense. But like bacon, it looks nice. It's cool. But then you get soggy bacon unless it's perched like nicely on top and then a greasy drink.

And the last thing that you want a Bloody Mary to be is greasy. There's those places that will put a slider on top. Then eventually, as it comes to your table, the slider will just dip into it. You get a greasy drink and a soggy slider. I think that you can go crazy with... You can get some pearl onions, any kind of pickled...

Anything pickled goes really well in a Bloody. In New Orleans, we're big shrimp okra okra okra is fantastic that sounds amazing oh yeah because it dips in too it's a long veggie so okra is nice absolutely that's a little harder to find in new york though is it not really but you have to go to like a specialty store like find it in like the like weirdo pickled aisle or whatever like pickled by the way that's a wreck for anybody pickled anything get pickled anything is fantastic pickled garlic pickled onions i want to throw out pickled watermelon out there no that's not a big thing but it's amazing sounds good pickled watermelon is great it's spicy but has that like tang to it and the texture changes it's really really good watermelon is more versatile

than we give a credit for i mean the italians do the watermelon and feta right that's right that's right you can do you can grill a watermelon and you know a lot of the vegan community says that it has the texture of steak i don't know i haven't tried that come on they're getting carried away yeah yeah exactly it's it's look i love watermelon. It's not... I'll give you like mushroom is not a bad for a sandwich. Sure, sure. But it's like when people say, the butthole feels just like pussy.

Like, no, it doesn't. Come on. We all know you're full of shit. No pun intended. No, it's... They're getting carried away in that community. Yeah. I don't mind that seitan, though.

It tastes pretty good. The what? The seitan. You know, it's like the, they do it like Thai places will do mock duck with it. Oh, yeah. It tastes pretty good, I think. That's pretty good, yeah. Yeah.

You know what else is versatile, and Andy Haynes is a great bit about it, but cauliflower. It's like cauliflower crust, cauliflower, buffalo cauliflower. There's all these cauliflower. How is this big? I think i've heard this it's just something like uh hey it's cauliflower's agent is like hey man i know we've been on ice for a while but i got you back in every day it's gonna be a good year that's great you're back a great joke yeah i love jokes where you take some silly thing and make it another

thing we've been on ice for a year and and we're back. It's so silly. Because when you were a kid, Cauliflower was like, I don't want that, Mom. And now it's just everything. You know what I just watched that's not good? Have you seen Batman, the new one? I watched half of it. It was so slow to me.

It's not good. I didn't love it. It's not a good movie. And I hate how dark it is, and he's so moody and shit. Like, yeah, I'm out. Yeah, they were twisting it that i was like all right i mean like you just don't care no you don't care that's what it is nolan i care i'm in i cared a lot yeah it's tough to you know i think part of the problem was i think the

the other ones it's hard to start a superhero franchise without showing part of the origin story we just come in like mid batman yeah you gotta you gotta reboot the origin story and do it differently totally totally even like the penguin guy i don't want to give too much away but i was like he's not very penguiny it wasn't penguiny at all i know i need some penguin he's just like an italian he was like oh i went to the store i'm like that's not a fucking penguin no no devito. DeVito is a penguin. Now that's a penguin. I want the cigarette on the stick. I want some flappers, you know, a top hat at least.

Same with Catwoman. She wasn't very cat-like. No. She had like one cat and she just like patted him. Yes. You have one cat and nails. Right, right, exactly. And Michelle Pfeiffer like fell out a window and got like raped by an alley of cats.

That's Catwoman. Yes. Hear, hear. We just sound old. And she at least licked him. She went, she would lick her paw. I mean, we're talking cat stuff here.

I think they were nervous because the Halle Berry one was such a bomb that I almost forgot they made that. But dude, yeah, I just kind of didn't care. The actors were all really good. Sure. And it looked beautiful.

Sure. The score was good. You know what it felt like? It felt like a stripper in Tampa, where you're like, well, you look great, but I don't want to spend three hours with you. Ooh, you nailed it. That's perfect. That's perfect.

Yeah. I think you're right. I'm not even a big superhero movie guy, but I was kind of like, eh, it's got good reviews. Let me throw it on. And if I'm on my phone within 20 minutes, that's a bad sign. For a Batman action adventure movie, I'm on my phone? Get out of here. The action was pretty good, but the story and the script, I just didn't give a shit.

Didn't give a shit. I'm with you. I'll tell you what's amazing, and this is my rec for the week. We're talking movies. Worst person in the world. I heard it's amazing. I got to watch it. the week. We're talking movies. Worst person in the world. I heard it's amazing. I gotta watch it. Holy shit.

It is next level. I think it's Norwegian. There it is. The girl in it is amazing. I should have watched that. What was I thinking? It's incredible. I mean, it's subtitled and all that, but you don't...

Five minutes in, you don't even notice. You're so wrapped in it. It's just a whole character piece. It's all about her and her her wishes and desires and how twisted she is and all that it's fucking great it also shows like they don't have all the american bullshit where they have to have we need eight people in a wheelchair for this to get made you know it's just like a good movie with a good script uh and it's it's a little slow but it's good slow like you are in it it's like a Bark-A-Lounger.

One person described it to me as a Woody Allen movie without the guilt. Is that accurate? That's perfect. Yeah, so true. It's very Woody Allen. And the other summary I got was it's hard to pin it to a genre. Like, it kind of fits in a lot of different things. Yeah, that's good.

It's kind of rom-y, but not really com-y. But then it's not cheesy and mushy either. So yeah, that's a good description. I can't wait. I'm going to watch it this week. All right. Now, these are a little redder. The period is hitting a heavier flow.

All right. Well, you got to get Peter's one. Don't worry. I have more. Okay, just checking. Peter's, you got to try this. I'll tell you. Look at that. It's like a garden of many assorted veggies here.

Can you give me an extra little mini pickle? Thank you, buddy. Thank you. I love these mini pickles. That one's even better. Yeah. Cornichons, fantastic. Fantastic. Is that what those are called? Mm that is stupid dude this is the best drink this is the best

bloody mare i've ever had it's incredible and i love a good bloody mare oh yeah what is that what's the difference with tequila it's my ex that was the last one you ever have a bloody bull yes actually what the hell is that? That is some crazy shit. I was introduced to that by old school steakhouse bartenders. That is a wild drink. What's a Bloody Bull? It's a Bloody Mary, but with beef broth, right? Yes, it literally just has beef broth in it.

It's really good. I'm in. It's good. It's just intense. It's definitely not for everyone. You know how you say Bloody Marys, you eat your drink? Yes. You've got to eat that shit with with a spoon that's a hangover cure right there though bloody bull you get that and you get a burger and you're and you're in business yeah

you're in good shape you're taking a nap that's what you're doing yeah holy moly bloody bull now bloody bulls are intense actually another another great garnish for Bloody Marys in general is a nice smoked sausage. Oh, there it is. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Okra. Okra, yeah, exactly. And cheese. Yeah, meat.

I don't know about the cheese, but the meat part is definitely a nice, really heavy smoked sausage on there. Fantastic. Yeah, I feel like a bloody mary you never would do this but it would just go well with a steak oh yeah but i feel like people always order like scotch or wine with something with a steak you never order a bloody mary with a steak good now here's the question do you like v8 on its own yeah dude me too i'll order a tomato juice in the sky apparently i don't know why i've researched before and i and for some reason i just i keep forgetting this,

but there's a reason why tomato juice tastes better in Elevation. Because I'll tell you, a tomato juice or a Bloody Mary in the sky, that's a fucking nice, that's a good drink to get a little buzzed on. Definitely. And I think maybe we want the salt, because there's a lot of sodium in tomato juice. So maybe there's some kind of up in the air. You're depleted. Who the hell knows? But, yeah, give me that salt.

I guess it dehydrates a little more, too. Not yourself, but the juice itself. So it's a little almost chunkier. Yeah. Oh, there you go. You're less sensitive to taste in altitude. So you need something with some real kick. There you go.

Yeah, it's really good. What's your go-to if you're going to get drunk on a flight? What is... That's a good question. I usually go whiskey water. Really? Or like whiskey soda, I mean. Whiskey and club soda.

That's a good one. Yeah, it's just light. It goes down easy. It's bubbly. It's got a good flavor. Because if I do tequila soda or vodka soda i'll have too many i need the kick of the whiskey to remind me like hey this is this is booze man don't have too many of these that it is helpful to feel that's why it's like man when you don't it's like edibles that's why you get way too fucked up you know yes stavi

our boy stav got way too fucked up on an edible to the point that he almost missed his flight back. Oh, no. I mean, he basically did miss his flight back, but he made it back still. Yeah. I've done edibles once on a flight on accident. I was with Chris Redd in Ireland. We did the Dublin Fest.

And he was like, hey, take one of these for your flight. I'm like, I'm a lightweight. He's like, this is nothing. Was that when I was there with you? Yes. Yeah. The second I was with Chris Redd, we took a ride to these for your flight. I'm like, I'm a lightweight. He's like, this is nothing. Was that when I was there with you? Yes. Yeah. The second I was with Chris Redd, we took a ride to the airport together, and I was hungover.

He's like, this will make you feel better. And it was a chewy thing, and I popped it. And I was high out of my mind. That's like a six-hour flight. I didn't fucking blink for six hours. I was like, who's that guy? Who's she? Do they know?

They all know. Ah, this kid next to me. He's a narc. I'm going down. That TSA is is gonna tackle me and tase me i'm gonna get that asian guy thing where they pulled the guy off the united flight remember that guy so i was just panicking you just picture one of the uh the flight attendants putting chloroform over your mouth yeah yeah exactly yeah dude i i can't do it i can't do the edibles i

hate it i realize i don't like being high. I don't like it. No, no. I like alcohol. I like to take the feelings and just push them right down. Same. I don't want to bring them to light. I want to choke them out.

Here, here. I'm with you. And people do it. People feel better. They smoke weed and they're like, I'm right as rain. I finally feel leveled out. More power to you, but I'm a mess. It is funny that in the old school movies that doing that, like just drinking yourself

like until you didn't feel, because that was the whole thing back in the day. It was like the strong silent type. Now it's almost like you get street cred by having mental illness. Yeah. You know, it's like, I've always said like comics having mental illness is like akin to rappers, like the times they've been shot or something you know but like back in the day you watch an old bogey movie and he's like you know casablanca he's just downing booze and he's like he's like play it sam if she can take it so can i just bound in a bottle of

whiskey and that was like manly you know right it's so true though because i think struggle is cool like i came from the projects or right or i'm from this fucking crazy nation and i escaped or the holocaust i flew to america you're like whoa that's crazy and if we're just whitey who grew up in the suburbs we're like well i have uh i'm bipolar or i'm depressed or i'm autistic or whatever it is so we need that's our that's our thing because you know we we didn't we didn't get bullets whizzing over our head or we had a we had a soccer practice we had a orange slice and a lunchbox so we need some kind of struggle yeah and we have the courcheron what are they called yeah that's what i'm gonna start

calling my flaccid dick it's tiny baby it's tiny. Sorry, baby. It's cornichon. Yeah. It sounds nice. It sounds fancy. And then they got there like, oh, you meant... Forget it, Jake. It's cornichon. But that's the thing

is like back in the day, you had those problems. I mean, there were manic depressives and all that shit, but you just kept it in. I feel bad for like an old manic depressive who was like, people were just annoyed by it. Totally, totally.

Sinatra was a manic depressive. Really? Yeah. I think undiagnosed, but yeah, I think he was a manic depressive. People were just like, he's just an asshole, which I'm sure he was on top of it. Sure.

But he had other shit. He had some real beef with young people like Elvis. He was like, ah, fuck that guy. And then Elvis got big enough, and they met on the Ed Sullivan show, and it was a big deal. But it was like worlds colliding. Damn.

There was a lot of young and old. Like, I wear a suit. He's shaking his ass out there with the long hair. Fuck these hippies. Well, it basically just comes down to, fuck this guy. He's different than me. Pretty much, yeah.

Which is kind of lame. Yeah, I think so. And it's this East Coast Italian versus this sexy Sout's different than me. Pretty much, yeah. Which is kind of lame. Yeah, I think so. And it's this East Coast Italian versus this sexy Southerner. Right. The worlds are colliding. Where was Elvis? Memphis? Memphis, yeah.

Hugh, another hog. Nice piece. Take a, put Google in. Bulge. A lot of editing work for Matt this week. Bulge. Matt, how are you spending your Friday? Editing

famous cocks. Well, you don't see it. It's not exposed, but it's quite a bulge. He's sitting on a porch drinking an iced tea, and it's like it's appalling. His dick looks like iced tea. I guess because you never see him, so when you see an imprint, you're like,

all right, noted. But also, there's a great video of Elvis backstage and he walks out of a green room and goes, oh, oh,

that lady gives him good head. And then he goes on stage. Because I can imagine the amount of women just lined up to blow this guy. It must be insane.

He was the most famous guy on the planet. I just read the Lakers Showtime book and the amount of ass that all the Lakers in the 80s got. Picture Los Angeles in the 80s. Oh, my God.

Coke was king. There's a great story about Magic Johnson. He loans his car to a friend, and the friend said the car lit on fire. It blew up, and Magic on the phone isn't even mad. He's just like, did you save a number in the glove compartment? Because that's how much ass he got. He was like shit there's ass right in the car i mean the amount of the the amount of the amount of pussy that these lakers got yeah it's like comic i'm sure it didn't slow down sure the odds i'm sure like you know but it's crazy i was at a i did a gig in portland i was

staying in a nice hotel. I was with all the, whatever team was playing the Trailblazers. And I was in an elevator with like eight hookers. And they were all going up to the suite to meet the, I don't know who it was, the Phoenix Suns or whatever it was. But they were all 11s. They were all taller than me. They were all cleavaged out and everything. And they were so excited to go fuck

these basketball players that's awesome it was awesome everybody wins they get laid they get laid everyone's happy yeah dude i mean the story was james worthy who was like came from like the you know laker star in the 80s early 90s and came from this religious background and then a story broke that in portland he was soliciting prostitutes and it turned out you know it was just cops that was right so we got busted and it was a big news story and he was married so everyone's like if the good guy is doing this right what are the bad dudes on the team doing so it was you know bad press but it's like that's just the time it was you know well where are you at on prostitutes like I it's not I don't you don't like it no really i mean not saying what i'm saying how do you feel about oh i think it's your body you should do whatever the hell you want but for

me i would just like i regret consensual regular sex so like why like i'm gonna i'm gonna pay for it too right right but they need they need the money maybe they're they're they're into it maybe yeah what does it mean i have to give it to them. Sure. There's charities. But I think some people, if you go, hey, that guy gets a lot of whores, they go, hey, fuck that guy. He's a weirdo. I think do whatever you want. I'm not, no judgment. Yeah, yeah, same.

How about you? I feel the same way. I think it eventually will be legal. Well, it is legal in a lot of states. Is it? I mean, isn't sex work legal in, I think it's legal in Nevada. I think it's legal in a lot of states is it it's i mean isn't sex work legal and i think it's legal in nevada i think it's legal i mean if you can put drugs in your system i've always kind of been the opinion like it's your body yeah i mean it's i agree i think if i was a parent i would feel differently probably you know like like the grooming shit is what is well yeah it's fucked up

to me it's like when it's like when they start super young, but you know. Sure, no, I'm with you. Hey, there you go. The only place that's allowed is in Nevada. Well, yeah, they had that cat ranch show, remember? Oh, yeah, yeah. Remember that dude? He was at one of my shows once. Bunny Ranch.

Yeah, what was his name again, the guy? Oh, yeah, he seemed like a cool, fun guy. He wasn't. Oh, shit. To me, at least. Oh, okay. I remember this must have been, okay. Yeah, what's the guy's name?

Yeah, I think there's a documentary on this guy. You know what he was? He was like the dude in Big Lebowski where you're like, that guy draws a lot of water in this town. That was his energy of like Dennis Hoff. Yeah, I met him. I was opening for Jim Florentine in like 2010 at Comics. And Florentine's awesome.

Yeah. Super nice guy. Good guy. And he was at the show and he came in the green room with like these hot women yeah and he just wasn't very warm to me ah i think he just was like you're the opener yeah you know whatever yeah yeah wow that's wild yeah you wouldn't go to the bunny ranch? No, it's not my thing. Yeah.

But the woman. I would go to just take a look. You know, you want to scope it out. That's like going to the Cheesecake Factory and just being like, I just want to look at a menu. I want to look at the cakes behind the glass. Let me look at that. Oreo.

Look at that. All right. I'm out of here. Great stopping in. It looks great, but I'll feel horrible after. Well, also the woman he was with was like, you're really funny. I think that he didn't like me. Oh, well, of course.

Because he's like an old dude. That'll do it. Threatened. I mean, he had no reason to be. I'm sure I had no shot. But I think at the moment, her just saying that was enough for him to be like, fuck this guy. Yeah, yeah. I forgot why i brought

it up hold on prostitution vegas vegas oh vegas yeah no bigger soul crush in vegas than when you're like i'm at a bar playing penny slots i'm drinking free gin and tonics and some hot beautiful woman sidles up next to you and is like hey i like I like the way you pull that crank. And I'm like, well, hell, you know, look at me cleaning up in Vegas here. Then your eight friends are like, yeah, what's going on with you and that hooker? You're like, ah. That's not a hooker.

We're in love. Yeah, that's Susie. Don't talk about her like that. Russ and many of these have a great joke. Russ has got a lot of great jokes, but I love the one he had about, you ever be like, it's $300. And I'm like, oh, what a coincidence. i am also a prostitute i'm four hundred dollars i will waive my fee if you're willing to waive yours wow that's great that's great

wait tom sagura had a very similar joke oh really he does oh no i can't remember how it goes well look every joke's been done one thing you can do in vegas you know you go to a prostitute on the street and you're like you know fifty dollars and she's like more like five hundred dollars and you're like bet and you go back to the hotel room and she's like show me the money and you're like no you show me the money i'm a prostitute too i'll just try to give you a deal it's also yeah look every joke's been done. What can you do? Oh, boy. Let them fight it out.

Both hilarious comics, obviously. Yeah. But that's the difference between men and women right there. A hot lady will sit next to you. Who's a prostitute? I don't think that works the other way. Can a hot prostitute man, or what is that, a gigolo? Can he go up to a woman and be like, hey is the woman like this is awesome yeah probably not probably not movies

about it american gigolo true true but i think you gotta think like call him he comes over he massages their feet or whatever cinematic classics like deuce bigelow which you know are based on real life things yes yeah that's a great documentary but you know they made two of those fuckers by the way the european gigolo yeah yes exactly one of the worst movies ever made really well at one point there's a lady with a nose that looks like a dick and she blows her nose and he's like ah come shot you know this fucking jizz goes there it's so bad but it's fun yeah I liked the version when I was a kid, but I was a kid. Same. I haven't seen it.

It's fun when movies like that exist. We're allowed to be this retarded and silly. That's nice. Yeah. It's good. I grew up watching Three Amigos. I love that movie. Love Three Amigos.

It's so silly. That's Tropic Thunder before Tropic Thunder. Exactly. Yeah. Oh, good point. I never thought about that. That's a great flick. I saw Tropic Thunder in the theater. That's a great one. Great movie. Yeah, classic. Exactly. Yeah. Oh, good point. I never thought about that. That's a great flick. I saw Tropic Thunder in the theater.

That's a great one. Great movie. Yeah, classic. It's weird. I mean, by the way, shout out to John Lovitz because I just feel like every time he popped up in an old movie, it was just always solid. Always solid, yeah. Is he gay?

I don't think so. Why don't you tell his voice? All right. Okay. Jealous. How does he say it? I mean, dude, John Lovish is great. High school high.

Yeah, I love that movie. Huge. That was classic. I had the VHS. Me too. Classic. What do you got on a wreck? Wreck?

Oh, man. I don't know, man. I have so many. It's funny. I was taking a walk the other day. I was feeling depressed, and then I took a walk. Walk is underrated. I know. I was taking a walk the other day. I was feeling depressed and then I took a walk and walk is underrated. I know it's a Norman wreck. I was kind of like, I'm listening to your Rex.

This is important to take walks. Cause I told someone I was feeling depressed. And they were like, what's a nice day outside. And I was like, Oh yeah, it's 5.00 PM. I should probably take a walk. I'm sure that's not hurt helping. Right. But, uh, here's one, here's one wreck I was thinking of. And I, this started during the pandemic revisit your childhood revisit dumb shit that makes you happy like i'll put it this way oh okay the good part the good part no no not the bad part focus on the good like take a movie that you loved as a kid and sometimes you'll be watching to be like this is a bad movie but sometimes you'll be watching be like yeah this is fucking i'm laughing really hard yeah like happy gilmore was on tv i'm laughing my ass off and then billy maddis was on tv and i was

like i'm laughing my ass off yes and uh and it's just like revisit movies that's my record revisit movies you loved as a kid and sometimes you'll be like eh but a lot of the time you'll be like yeah i was right yeah yeah i i i'm with you i had a one of the time you'll be like, yeah, I was right. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I, I'm with you. I had a, one of the great moments I was at a Christmas vacation or Christmas dinner with a bunch of my girls family. I was like at her place in Cape Cod and it's all these 10 year olds running around 12 year olds. And I go, we got to watch a movie. We're watching happy Gilmore. And they're like, what's that? And I'm like, eh, it's a movie from when I was a kid It's really funny and they're like oh it's gonna be so boring It's probably like you know

Anything from the 90s they're like 90s That's like the 50s for us And I'm like it's good 10 minutes in they're howling laughing They're dying the moms are all freaking out Cause there's some touchy spots in it But they loved it And I remember being like alright I was right

It's so good Just and dumb good being like all right i was right it's so good so good just and dumb good like just nothing pretentious about it just silly and yeah yeah that's my wreck revisit something fun from your childhood i like it you're gonna feel good i like it ferris bueller's mind it's amazing movie amazing that was that was your go-to comedy as a kid easily easily number one i mean i loved animal house and cad Caddyshack and Three Amigos. Beverly Hills Cop. Yeah, yeah. What about Bob?

Ghostbusters. All that shit. But Ferris Bueller. I felt like I wanted to be him. Yeah, he was cool. Yeah. It's hard to be cool in a comedy, and he was cool. Yes.

That's one bummer thing, watching that Scorsese doc. Every year he's trying to win the Academy Award. He can't do it. He can't do it. But the Oscars look so fun. Nicholson's got the sunglasses on. He probably did blow off a hooker's ass in the green room. Like in The Departed, he'd just smack it everywhere.

Yeah, which is what he won for, Scorsese, eventually. But it was just fun. It was Hollywood. It was glitz. It was glamour. It feels so tiptoe-y now. Like, can we do this? Can we do that? Eggshells, eggshells. Everybody's mad at us. Everybody's in trouble. Twitter's pissed. Their instincts are terrible.

It's a big problem. Jim Carrey put it perfectly. They were no longer the cool club. Yeah, you're not. I mean, it's just the truth. I mean, you guys, you blew it. blew it you blew it i mean like there is this like virtue signaling holier than thou vibe they have where it's like no one wants to fucking hear that shit no no one wants to to be told who to vote for by an actor

no one wants to be told how to think by someone who reads lines for a living. Yes. Sing it, sister. And be an entertainer. I agree. I think it's important with comics, guys like us, to remember to just be fucking funny. Yeah. Because that's the job. That's how we got the job. Right.

We didn't get the job by being like, here's how you should vote in this next election. You know what I mean? If you can make it funny, make it funny. you know what i mean if you could make it funny make it funny but like when you're leading with that shit and the oscars just seems like like uh the way they handled the chris rock will smith thing well yeah i mean first off just like not immediately being like fuck you right exactly and they got up their own ass and i think the pandemic revealed how worthless and untalented and interesting they are. Look, look, Daniel Day-Lewis is a talented motherfucker.

Leonardo is a talented guy. But like these black and white videos and the people like needing attention again. But now they have no money. They need handlers. They need handlers. Yes. Chelsea handlers. So it just sucks because you're like, I'm watching the Oscars in the 90s.

I never missed it. I was like a little theater queef. You know, I was like, oh, my God, the Oscars are on 90s. I never missed it. I was like a little theater queef. Me too. I was like, oh, my God, the Oscars are on. Oh, man, they're talking about L.A. Confidential. Oh, boy, whatever. And now it's just like they're just going which way the wind is blowing, and it's so obvious.

And who cares about what they think? I don't care what Bradley Cooper thinks about this event or that event or that news story. Like, go act, go kill it, make some good movies, and move on. There are people who have followings for their views, and none of them are actors. Right. Yeah, yeah, good point.

You know? We have that already. Yeah. Yeah, just we need to. But even those people kind of bore me because they become predictable. I mean, like, there's people I follow on Twitter, on Twitter, right-wing people, left-wing people, and you just know what they're going to say on every news story. Some of them surprise you.

I won't say something funny, but there's people like when the masks, you have to wear masks on airplanes, and they're just like, I'm like, good, so now you can't tweet about this for a second this is all you've tweeted about for two and a half years good point is masks and covid find something else to talk about yes please we're done with covid enough yeah yeah move on i mean we're not done people are still getting it but you know what i mean but we're fucking ready to live. Yeah, but go improve your own life. Everybody's just like, this is wrong, that's wrong, that's bad, but their life's in shambles.

Go fix that shit and then come back to us with all your opinions about the world and society. Yeah, I'm with you, though. I used to watch the Oscars in the 90s, and I just thought Nicholson was the coolest. Oh, the best. Because I grew up on those movies. I remember seeing One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

I was like, that's fucking... I was blown away that that was a movie. I know. Same. I was like, this dude is like... I relate to this guy. He's pestering. I know it's also a bigger anti-authority type thing where you just hate her.

Sure. Nurse Ratched. But then you get older and you're like, yeah, it probably wasn't gig for her either even though i even though i hated her yeah but uh but how do you not identify especially like young aspiring comics like us even though maybe we didn't know we wanted to be that yet you look at that and you're like nicholson's like he's fucking funny and he's cool and he's uh yeah it's the best it's the best old movies classics or there's nothing better man but what's crazy with this score and i keep bringing back this scorsese doc but it hit And he's, yeah, it's the best. It's the best. Old movies, classics, there's nothing better, man. But what's crazy with this score, and I keep bringing back this Scorsese doc,

but it hit home, is like he's this avant-garde Italian kid from the village. He's weird. He's making these crazy movies with blood and guts. And, like, he made a Jake LaMotta movie. Everybody's like, who the fuck's Jake LaMotta? You know, he makes these weird choices. And in black and white, he did it. Yeah, and nobody would give him love,

and he felt like he couldn't break through, and a lot of bombs, a lot of failures. A lot of movies went way under. He spent $20 million to make it, but they made $3 million at the box office. The producers hate him. The investors are furious, and he just became a cokehead and whatever.

But he kept going, And then he made something. He made After Hours. And that did OK. And then he made a- Underrated movie. Underrated. But yeah, he makes The Aviator. And everybody's like, damn.

And so we focus so- It's just like comedy where we focus so much on what they're saying and not what the point is. They're like, this movie is so violent. Cut it out. And you're like, I know. But look how it touches on the Italian lifestyle or whatever, you know? And they would miss all that because they just thought he was this cokehead, like a scary movie guy.

Or not scary, but like they would just focus on the violence instead of focusing on this brilliant filmmaker. It's the same people in the comedy crowd who are like, you said the word rape. I'm like, yeah, but the rest of the joke is how it's bad. I know, I know. You know, it's funny funny you know uh he's stuck in the pocket though and you build a following you just keep making great shit yeah but i i it makes a lot of sense why i mean he was the criticism is crazy they'll be like casino it's just goodfellas light and you're like i know but

it's still a great movie it's still fun goodfellas Light is better than 95% of the movies this year. It's a good point. So it's worth watching because there's a lot of times where he's just down and out. And he's like, I can't go on. I can't keep making this shit. It's too hard. I pour my heart out on these movies. And they trash them.

Nobody goes to see them. And you see De Niro like, you got to get back in there, man. Come on. And this is on YouTube? It's on YouTube, yeah. But it's dense. Well, you know, the thing about it, too, is when you make as many movies, when you're as prolific as he is, you're going to kind of hit similar territory.

It's unavoidable. I mean, look at Woody Allen's as prolific as any filmmaker ever. And there's a lot of like, oh, you're like, oh, another movie with cheating and murder? It's like, yeah, you're going to hit the same shit sometimes. Yeah. But that doesn't mean that it's still not good or you find a different way in. I mean, same with stand-up. We will retread similar ground sometimes in a special,

but that doesn't mean we can't find a new way in. Right, exactly. And you know when the industry is not fucking with you, but all these comics are, isn't that such a flattering thing? That's what he had. Like all these actors, even though his movies were bombing, like Bringing Out the Dead bombed. He lost a lot of money on that. You haven't even seen it.

Is it good? It's alright. It's a little much. I didn't love it. But he's still great. It's still great. Great people are gonna miss sometimes too. Yeah, exactly. And so a lot of actors and actresses were like I want to work with Scorsese. Holy shit. So you got to remember that.

Even when we're having trouble struggling, we can't get an hour, we can't do this, we can't do that, the comics still look up to you. And that's what you got to remember. So really interesting stuff. Really cool. I love any biopic. I'm obsessed with artists and all that shit.

So I'm watching the Tarantino one next. You know what's interesting, too, is a movie like Taxi Driver is so... I feel like so many people could like that movie for different reasons. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, there's a lot of ways to read into a movie like that. Totally. I feel like you could be dumb as shit and love that movie.

You could also be, like, an intellectual and love that movie. Yeah. Good point. I mean, there's so i mean there's so much to it um i agree i always go back to the simpsons it's smart people like it and dumb people like it it's a it's a brilliant show what's your favorite what's your number one for square well give me your top five oh it's tough right you don't have to do an order but just give me the five best i think raging bull is up there i Taxi Driver's got to be in there.

Obviously, Goodfellas. I would put Casino in, and then I might go, I love Cape Fear. I love Wolf of Wall Street. Me too. I love After Hours. I love After Hours. I love The Color of Money. I've watched 800 times.

But like Kundun, that one, no one saw that. Was it good? He went to China and all this shit and spent all this time. George Harrison, Doc, was good. That was great. So yeah, he and all this shit and spent all this time. George Harrison doc was good. That was great. So yeah, he's got a ton of good ones. So wait, so what's your five? Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Goodfellas, Casino and what?

I don't know. Color of Money, After Hours, Cape Fear, Wolf of Wall Street too. Wolf of Wall Street is a good one. Gangs of New York as well. Gangs of New York's good. It's tough. Do you have a five for school safety? of money after hours cape fear i like wolf of wall street it's not like gangs in new york as well gangs in new york's good it's tough do you have a five for i was gonna say like gangs in new york is definitely it has to be up there um the aviator is pretty awesome i think yeah aviator is well done especially when you like think about like the um like the backstory of that guy like how he just became this crazy hermit and whatever. Sad, sad life.

There was a story, wasn't there? That guy in the pockets, Malcolm Gladwell, the guy who did the fake interview with, what's his name? Howard Hughes. By the way, you look a little Howard Hughes-ish. I do. Have you seen Howard Hughes? No, I don't think I do. He's got a mustache, so that's going to throw it

off, but he's got a muril in him. I don't think so. Hold on. Pull him up. He looks like Iron Man's dad in those movies. A little bit. Come on. Look at the eyes. He's a handsome guy, by the way. Yeah, he was a giant playboy. He was like the Hugh Hefner of his time

before he became all reclusive. I don't think I look like him. I'll take it, Mark. Look at that. That's a good looking guy there. That's why I don't think I look like him. I'll take it, Mark. Look at that. That's a good looking guy there. That's why I don't think I look like him. His hair is straight. He was the Elon Musk of his day. Look at that.

That's for real. Are you old? You're going to look like that. That picture, I see it a little. Holy shit, yeah, a little bit in that one. He's a tall, thin man as well. The Thin Man, one of my favorite books. Oh, yeah.

Great book. Dashiell Hammett, that's a wreck if you've never read that. Oh, there you go. He was a Pinkerton. He was a detective in his day before he wrote those books, The Thin Man. Witty as hell. Pinkerton?

What is that, the communism thing? It's like a detective type thing. Oh, okay. And, you know, he really solved cases, and it's like about this. It's the coolest setup for a thing where it's the wife, Nick and Nora Charles, and the wife is, she's rich and he's a retired cop. So he just is like a rich retired cop.

So he's got the muscle and the resources. It's just a perfect setup. And they're both super witty. It's great stuff. Okay. But yeah, they made a movie. The movie's supposed to be good too. I never saw the movie.

But what we talked. Oh, let me give you my five. Please. We Might Be Drunk is thrilled to welcome our new sponsor, Fanimal. I love live events. I hate buying tickets. The hidden fees suck. And coordinating with your friends is a nightmare.

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talking rewatch value that's number one for me yeah it's the funniest it is funny it's fucking baldwin baldwin's hilarious walberg's hilarious nicholson's hilarious right leo and damon are great it's a great it's a great movie. Yeah. People were like, it's overrated. Because it's over the top. It's way over the top. But who gives a shit? It's fun as hell.

It's fun. If that's on TV and you don't finish it, you're fucking lying. It's on theater twice. Yeah, same. I loved it. I think I might have to put After Hours in mine just because I love it. Okay. It's hard to not put King of Comedy in there, too. I know, which also bombed. But I might go mean dude wolf of wall street's so good it's so good

hard not to put wolf of wall street and i know i know the jonah hill stories are great that's why these docs are so cool because they're so they get behind like matt damon had to audition for the depart he's like you gotta get me in there i'm'm a Boston guy. And he was like, I don't know, I don't know. Oh, he killed it. He killed it, yeah. By the way, the departed, there's an X in every scene where people die. The kid getting groceries in the beginning,

when Matt Damon has groceries at the end, it's the same contents in the grocery bag showing that he was with Jack Nilsen. I mean, there's so many Easter eggs that they cover everything. I'm jerking off watching this. It's hard not to put Raging Bull in there, though. I love Shutter Island, dude.

That was a big hit for him. That's a great movie, dude. I never watched it. Oh, it's great. Remember The Beach? The Beach. I never saw it. Pretty good. Pretty good Leo. That apparently led to a huge like tourism thing and then like a huge uh like uh like you know crime against the tourist thing and then a huge conservation thing so it had this like like kind of waterfall interesting

that was bad when movies movies could make a splash. We used to just sit around and talk about certain movies that came out and what they did and they had an effect on the country. I feel like that doesn't happen anymore. You know what I loved is I mean, I loved when he just trashed Marvel movies.

Yeah, I did too. He got a lot of shit for that. Do I like some of those Marvel movies? Sure, but enough. I know. i get it like it's a business and you're all these are making bank but like yeah people were like we're shocked you're shocked that a one of the greatest artists of our fucking time doesn't love theme park ride movies i know like it was on it was on point i thought i thought i awesome. I agree. I love... That's what I hate about these industry queefs. Sorry to cut you off.

They all go, I love Scorsese. I love Kubrick. I love Coppola. And then they go, but we got to get this Hawkeye movie made. And you're like, Hawkeye? It's going to sell. It's the same with these comedy industry people. They go, I love Carlin and Pryor, but you, I don't know, whatever.

We're booking Carrot Top. And you're like, what? But come on. Yeah. I thought you loved irreverent or original stuff. They don't. They don't. They're con men.

They're business people. They want to make money, which I get. But don't tell me you love Carlin and Pryor and Lenny Bruce. Be a fucking con artist. Yeah, exactly. Just live your life as a fucking soul-crushing scumbag don't pretend to be in the arts right i'm totally with you we get that all the time we're huge fans really because this is the first time i've heard from you in 17 years uh i know they're like look we we love your work we'll never make anything with you we just want you to know that we like it exactly so you can so you leave confused i'm like oh that makes sense that's cool um yeah way to lead me on and then not

i like uh i like that he did that i thought it was really cool yeah that's corsace shit on the oh i thought it was cool too yeah i mean it's like you know he he makes art house movies yeah just happened to be it's like hitchcock where they're like yeah some of them catch on but these are like this guy's got the soul of an art house movies that just happen to be, it's like Hitchcock where they're like, yeah, some of them catch on, but these are like, this guy's got the soul of an art house filmmaker. Totally.

Totally. Yeah. It's all about cinema. Yeah. It's all about his face. His hero is, uh, Ileon Kazan.

Kazan. Kazan. Yeah. He named names. He named names, which is bad shit. He got an award at the Oscars. They cover all this.

And a couple people wouldn't applaud yeah fuck him dude he named names yeah bad dude but i will say good movies i will say uh what's the one he did with on the waterfront that's a top 10 movie ever yeah it's hard to argue i mean it's that's a brilliant movie brilliant movie i mean the guy was a beast but he was and he did uh he did the james dean movies wow He did, look up Ilya Kazan movies. He did fucking the Tennessee Williams play, Streetcar, he did. He did that? Yeah.

Wow. Stella! That's a great fucking movie. Yeah, look at this shit. I mean, the guy changed the game. He was huge. Wow. But yeah, he outed a bunch of communists.

What else did he do? He did something else really big. Is he a Holocaust fleet? No, you're thinking that Elie Wiesel, I think. Oh, Knight. Good book. Yeah, good book. Required reading.

Yeah, required reading. In my class it was. What else? Yeah, well, yeah, I think most schools would force you to read that. We're missing something on Elie Kazan. There's something that we're- Really? Well, we got some pretty big ones. We're missing something on Elia Kazan. There's something that we're- Really? Well, we got some pretty big ones.

We got, let's see. Pinky. Oh, that's awkward. A Face in the Crowd. Aha. That's the one, dude. There you go. I don't know that one.

Oh, dude. Watch that shit. All right. That's my rec for this week. A Face in the Crowd. I think it's on Criterion. It's Andy Griffith. It's like a con man who rises the right. That's my rec for this week, A Face in the Crowd. I think it's on Criterion. It's Andy Griffith. It's like a con man who rises the ranks.

It's incredible. Oh, really? It holds up so much. Comedian, Andy Griffith. Dude, it's incredible. All right. Elia Kazan. He named names, but he made great.

And also, if you haven't seen On the Waterfront, just fucking, that's a top 10 movie ever, dude. Yeah. That's a phenomenal. That's a- Brando was hot. I wanted to be a contender. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Fucking movie ever, dude. Yeah. That's a phenomenal. That's a. Brando was hot. I wanted to be a contender. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

Fucking Brando, dude. He was hot. So hot. Those lips. What a man. Yeah. A man with lips. He's got some DSLs on him.

He does. He was hot. Look at him, dude. Wow. He's pretty and tough at the same time, which is rare. That movie fucking rules. Great script. Do we have a Brando now?

I would throw it to Tom Hardy. Really? Well, I think he's got lips. He does have lips. And he's tough. He's tough, and I think he's a good actor. He is good. I wouldn't say he's Brando.

I mean, Brando's like this legendary level. Yeah, no. Tom Hardy's good. But we have Daniel Day-Lewis, but he's not hot. How about Christian Bale? Ah! He's got range. Yeah, yeah. Bale's good. But we have Daniel Day-Lewis, but he's not hot. How about Christian Bale? He's got range. Yeah, yeah.

Bale is good. Look at that. Bale has done so much shit. Although he did a superhero movie. Does that hurt? Well, it was Batman. He's great as Bruce Wayne. Yeah, I would give him a pass for Batman.

Yeah, easily. Have you guys seen him, Tom Hardy, in Bronson? No, is that good? Dude. Pincho? Bronson? No, is that good? Dude. Pincho? Bronson is amazing. Charles Bronson was like an action movie star, right? I know him.

Yeah, but in real life, he was actually the most dangerous criminal in the UK. Oh. And he would just fight everybody. And Tom Hardy did this movie. This is basically like a biopic about him and he interviewed Bronson

he met with him and Bronson liked him so much he somehow shaved off his iconic mustache and sent it to Tom Hardy

to like wear for the movie wow because he was so impressed with it that's kind of weird wow he's a legit maniac.

Dude, this movie's amazing. I'll watch that. All right. No, he is awesome. He's a great actor. Yeah, he's good. And I think he's the highest paid actor without speaking. He doesn't speak in Mad Max, barely.

He doesn't speak in Dunkirk, and there's another movie that's like no lines in. Damn, I forgot he was in Mad Max. Oh, yeah. He's a good dick? Oh, another hog? We put him on the Hog Hall of Fame? I Max. Oh, yeah. He's a good dick? Oh, another hog? We put him on the Hog Hall of Fame? I don't know about that.

That's a good gig. No speaking roles, but highest paid. Yeah, but I'm sure a good dick, too. That's how you get those no speaking roles. He's great. Yeah, I like him. Yeah, I don't know. It's probably him.

Maybe we don't have these big brandos and Cary Grants and what's his name that you said earlier? Clooney's Cary Grant. Oh, that's right. What about Bogart? No Bogart. We don't have a Bogart? You can't have a Bogart. Bogie was once in a lifetime, man.

Wow, okay. I mean, so was Cary Grant, but I do see like a little Clooney in that. I see that. No one's like Bogart. Really? We can't find one guy? Give me someone.

I'm thinking here well bogart was tough he was soft-spoken or or stoic yeah he was tortured but still a gentleman yeah somehow yeah he's tough maybe i'll go with uh chas bono here's looking at you mom i was I was going to say Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman? Nah, he's great, but he's so different. He's like a Dick Powell. He's like a song and dance man.

Yeah, he's Australian, too. Yeah, no, it's got to be an American, dude. It's got to be. U-S-A. U-S-A. That's another thing about these old- There's no bogey. I guess there's no bogey.

We need a bogey thing on this wall, dude. Yeah, we should get a bogey. Let's get a bogey in here. No bogey. Old school bogey thing on this wall, dude. Yeah, we should get a bogey. Let's get a bogey in here. No bogey. Old school bogey? Come on. Also, by the way, where's the name Humphrey? I've never been a Humphrey in my life.

It's a good name. You think? Nah. Eh, Humphrey, it's not great. But he was cool. He was. Humphrey. Yeah, there's no Humphreys anymore.

Let's do news stories, man. Yes. We haven't even jumped in our news. Oh, we're pushing it here. New study shows mushrooms communicate with each other using a vocabulary of 50 words. Wow. It's like a special needs kid. That's pretty good.

Or a guy from the Midwest. The strong silent type, mushrooms. Yeah. Mushrooms talk using electrical impulses that spike when fungi come into contact with food sources or potential dangers. Okay. Well, I never got when the plants talk because they can't go anywhere. They're stuck. They're like in the same spot.

So, oh, there's a guy coming. There's a lawnmower's on the way. You're like, all right, well, I'm here anyway. They are like vegetables. It's like Terry Shive. I think she moved a finger or something. Exactly. I never got that. I do love those, what do you call it when you speed up

the camera and they show the mushroom growing. What is that called? It's like hyper something. Time lapse. Time lapse! Thank you. Yeah, mushrooms are badass. They're kind of living then. I mean, they are living. They're living. They're my favorite drug, too.

Mushrooms? Oh, yeah. Easily. I like mushrooms. Fungus is living. Yeah. That means you can name your STDs. You're a big mushroom guy.

I like them. I do them like three times a year. You micro or what? No, I eat the real shroom. You go hard. Yeah, I don't fuck with the pills and I don't know what's in that shit. So I just cap, stem, cap, stem. It tastes bad?

It tastes horrible. But you get over it, you get through it. We're going to do it one day. We're going to do it one day. All right. Peanut butter. Peanut butter is good. See, there it is.

Time lapse. That's pretty cool. Time lapse is so crazy. Wow, he's making them in a box. There they go. Whoa, that's pretty cool. It's where we can eat mushrooms on a pizza, and they are a drug.

There's so many different variations of mushrooms. It's like people. That's true. Wow. Look at that. Oh, my God. Look at that. Very exciting. true wow look at that oh my god look at that very exciting time it's fascinating that's cool look at that all right well this is freaking me out because of like the fact that they do

have an intelligence to them like it weirds me out like cutting them because i know that they've been talking to each other like we just learned. How long before vegans are like, no eating, no eating. Dude, I've been saying that for years. Good question. Because they talk. When we find out that they can feel pain just like cows and everything like that, what are they going to eat? That's it.

Exactly. Damn. That'll be the next Pixar movie. They're just mushrooms who can't move. They're like, help! Help! I like the different personalities. Like, a portobello! Hey, help! Help! I like the different personalities. Like, a portobello!

Hey, yo! Porcini! You're getting ripped from your stem, but you just can't do anything. You're like, dad! Daddy! Yeah, yeah. 90 Day Fiance star Stephanie Motto ended up hospitalized after eating too many beans to sell farts. Oh, classic.

This is... Wait, too many beans? I thought beans made you fart. The magical fruit that makes you toot. Stephanie Motto sold her jarred flatulence for $1,000 a piece. Jesus. And made over $200,000 in her two-month venture while subsisting on a diet of yogurt, eggs,

and beans. This is horrible. Horrible. And ended up in the hospital when she thought she was having a heart attack. Maybe you had an attack of the conscience because this is disgusting. Well, this is clearly gaslighting. Alright. But yeah, this is crazy.

This is why the terrorists hate us, because we're making $200,000 a month, or in two months, selling farts in a jar. She's a fartrepreneur. This is, yeah, this is, you're right. I mean, this is disgusting. Yeah, yeah, but I guess if people are paying for it, nobody's getting hurt, except for her.

She's in the hospital. No, you're right. I mean, I can't be a hypocrite. It's what I said earlier in the show, right, about prosies or sex workers or whatever you're right but at the same body but at the same time it's like what is wrong with people i can at least judge people for being like farts in a like i understand someone paying for sex that's like you're lonely whatever pain for a fart in a jar like this many people are into this it's crazy i know i'm with you but she's attractive obviously look at that but it just shows how what we'll do if she was if she

looked like rosie o'donnell i don't know if people would be buying it i think the hotness goes a long way i know but i just can't imagine a guy just open it and be like worth it that That was worth all those hours. There's plenty of force out there. How are they going to identify it? They don't get certified. Good point. How do we know? I need a grade A like a USDA stamp on there. Hey, let me get a Chipotle worker and he worked a 12-hour shift.

She is attractive, but the fact that she does that is a deal breaker, I think. Oh, yeah. Definitely hard to date someone if you walk in the room and you're like, what are you doing? She's like, but the fact that she does that is a deal breaker, I think. Oh, yeah. Definitely hard to date someone if you walk in the room and you're like, what are you doing? She's like, I'm working. I'm working on my job. When do you back off? Yeah.

I wonder if there's a guy out there who bought like 10 of them and he's like, hold on. Mmm, a little oaky, a little fruity. Okay, this one's a heavy day. Okay, this is a little... His wife walks in and he's like, you blew our life savings on her farts? I'm working. It's a fine vintage, you know.

Yeah, then you're with her one night and she farts and you're like, what are you doing? You're blowing the whole business. You gotta save it. That's our 401k right there. What's this? Oh, there's another lady selling farts? This girl sells her bath water.

Whoa, you see? This is female privilege. No guy is selling his bathwater. Nobody wants to buy this from a dude. Nobody wants... Actually, I do have a shout-out to make. We will fart in those. We might be drunk glasses if you'd like.

Yeah, sure. There are 4,000 a pop. Paul Giamatti's an amazing actor. He sells his bathwater. He's going to get arrested. This gal, gamer gal, is killing it on the bathwater. Damn. What else we got, Matt?

That's wild. What a world. You want to do this one? Georgia woman was charged with faking a pregnancy to get paid time off. Huh. Robin Folsom's colleagues became suspicious when they noticed her bump was askew and she sent them inconsistent photos of her fake children.

Holy. Hats off to this con artist here. Holy shit. That's a tough lie to keep up. I know. Again, female privilege. Yes. We don't get to do that shit.

Good point. I get a bump. They don't say, do you need time off? They go, you look gross. Yes. We don't get to do that shit. Good point. I get a bump. They don't say, do you need time off? They go, you look gross. Right. You get your shit together. Yeah, I did a bump in the break room and I got fired. So what the hell?

Pandas do this apparently. They fake pregnancy? Because it's so hard for them to get pregnant, they get special treatment when they do get pregnant and they learn that. So they fake signs of pregnancy to get more food and special treatment when they do get pregnant and they learn that so they fake like signs of pregnancy to get like more food that's pretty clever well that's just pandering all right i'll see you all in hell but uh it's so embarrassing to get busted doing that yeah like they're like did you just lie about being pregnant she's like yeah i don't man yeah that's bad that is bad that's a bad lie to be caught in.

She's a piece of shit, but I'm impressed. I'm impressed with the... The fact that she got fake children. I know. That's what I love about it. What's the word? She committed. She committed to the lie.

She should be committed. She should, yes. And she shouldn't have children. Isn't that crazy? Anybody can have kids. A pedophile can have children. Yeah. That's wild.

He probably won't, though, if he goes young enough. True. Pedo jokes. But if he can have one, he's getting high on his own supply. Damn. Archaeologists believe they've discovered the tomb of Santa Claus. Rape Santa. A team at St. Nicholas Church in Turkey.

The tomb of Santa. Kids, we found his corpse. Do you want to see? He's not going to make it to the chimney this year. He's in a coffin. In Turkey, they found an intriguing shrine beneath the floors previously unseen due to the tiled floors' intricate mosaic. All right. They found a bunch of reindeer skeletons, too.

He was into reindeer fighting. Santa was mean. This is so weird Crazy What the hell Oh is this the tomb Wow Geez I guess he couldn't have been that fat Look at that it's small

Well that was probably fat back then Santa's just like fucking Bezos Yes he's got people working for him With no pay Bad work environment. How do you get your presents on time? I treat elves horribly. That's how I do it. Yeah, you're right.

I think this is the next National Treasure movie. Whoa, that's kind of cool. Look at that. It's kind of beautiful. That's something that can be that old. Right. Indiana Jones-y. Okay. What else?

What do you got? Personal trainer dies after consuming a workout drink with as much caffeine as 200 cups of coffee. Jesus. I'll tell you, man. You're on your way there, fatty. The way you put down those cups of Folgers. I'm worried about you. I love coffee.

I do, too, but you got to cut it off. But that's the thing. I like coffee, so this is why this will never happen to me. Because this is like rock star energy type energy. This is the dude where you're just like... Remember we knew that guy who ran that club in

Scottsdale? Yes. And he had a stroke because he did a bunch of coke and drank like 14 Red Bulls. Whoa. And you're like, yeah, dude. that'll do it. Yes. You're not supposed to mix Coke with 14 Red Bulls. You should know that.

Holy hell. When weighing his caffeine powder caused him to go on a cardiac arrest. Woo-wee. That sucks. Man, yeah. But also 200 cups, you're fucking stupid. Enough's enough, exactly. Don't you have bad anxiety around

i don't know 50 cups of coffee yeah right doesn't it start to hit you where you're like uh also uh you know what's bad for you is uh 97 bags of cocaine you should not you should not do that and i get coffee headaches if i don't have a cup that day so imagine what this guy's going through that that fucking uh withdrawal is gonna be tough i do get bad headaches yeah i need it when you wake up i mean it's like it's cliche and like you turn into that annoying dude in the office where you're just like i'm don't talk to me till i've had my coffee but like holy shit are we cranky you know what's fucked up this is how crazy the brain is and this is the bloody mary's kicking in but i'll have those coffee headaches and if i make a coffee i can sniff it the headache will go away because your

brain thinks like oh he's about to drink it that's how fucked up the brain is oh exactly you have the first sip you feel better and it hasn't hit you yet i know exactly i mean the second you have that sip it's like it's gonna be okay yes it's same with the booze let's be honest when you're really hung over and you you hit that high life at the home at home at 10 a.m you feel a little better this is this drink is incredible i know i want another one but i'm trying to hang back yeah i mean we gotta do a patreon we gotta do yeah we gotta work tonight yeah all right we we should wrap this up yeah well we got two more news two more okay or is this it this might be it woman wisconsin woman allegedly murdered her lover after a meth-fueled sex game that dismembered his corpse.

Holy, then dismembered. Holy shit. Yeah, everyone, this is in Green Bay. I read about this. Everyone in Green Bay, they talk about being cheeseheads. They're actually meth heads. They should have to wear meth on their heads at those Packer games.

Yes, Taylor Shabiz... Shabizness. Shabizness. Shabizness. Sounds like a Rob Schneider bit. Sounds like how an Italian talks about your job. Shabizness. How's your Shabizness?

He's like, the business is failing. Business, Shabizness. Told police they would have fun trying to find all of her lover's limbs and organs. Wow. That's the worst hide and seek game of all time. Really gross. She looks good, actually. Jesus, look at that.

Yeah. Would you? I would. Not too shabby. Would you let her cut you up into little pieces? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

If I was having a bad enough day, why the hell not? She's got the hoop earrings. I always say you can tell how crazy a woman is by the size of her hoops That's where this comes from Old joke I remember when you pitched that to me I think it was 12 years ago That was like 2009 Norman Stuck with me, never left it

I never put it on an act or an album But it's fun, it's in the head It's a good silly one Very Wisconsin couple there, that poor guy. Head in a bucket. Holy shit. Sounds like a punk band. It does. Are you ready for head in a bucket? All right.

Well, there you go, folks. Do we have time for a bit or should we save? I think we do. How are we doing? I think we got time for a bit. What time is our guest coming on the next show? Let me check. I forgot. Oh, we don't have time.

Okay, damn. That's all right. All right. Well, you guys are the best. See Norman on the road. Yeah. Where are you going to be, brother? I mean, well, that's over according to the day this comes out.

Laugh It Up and Poughkeepsie doing a one-nighter. Stand Up Live in Huntsville, Alabama. Pantages Theater in Minneapolis. I i love minneapolis chicago at the vic cleveland at the agora uh bon secure wellness arena that's oh that's with burt doing some gigs with burt on the full throttle shit totally wasted i can't remember uh dragway in tennessee lawrenceville georgia brandon missouri irvine california come on out to the improv that's a big room we need you there and uh red bank new jersey all kinds of houston improv all kinds of good stuff san antonio laugh out loud come on out say hello i'm in houston that month too that'd be yeah toronto east providence uh chicago tampa cleveland uh buffalo yeah yeah uh houston west palm san jose i'm all over that

shit samuel.com slash shows we might be drunk pod at gmail.com we might be drunk pod.com for merch uh we might yeah email us reeeves, all that shit. The Patreon, sign up. We love you. Thanks for listening. Beer Jew, we love you. Matt Peters, we love you. Killed it.

Gotham Studios. We're going to be moving soon. So we'll get you the new address. Send us your gifts, your Rex, your Queefs, your notes, whatever you got. Thank you. Appreciate it. Sunday's the day for my next bender.'ve been a fever wreck you know the beer juice i've had a little too much bourbon and norman's talking shit about the fucking

and i get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be true