We Might Be Drunk - Ep 78: Ari Shaffir w/ The Boulevardier Flannel Boys

Episode Date: June 6, 2022

Well, its here, we know you have been looking for it, we read the comments. Ari Shaffir is in the house. Support the show and get 10% off your first month of online therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/Drunk Support the show and get up to 34% off some sweet new metal art with the code DRUNK at https://displate.com/wmbd?art=6247414ceddb3 Visit http://marknormandcomedy.com/ and https://www.sammorril.com/shows for more details! Join the Patreon for bonus episodes weekly and more bonus content: Patreon.com/WeMightBeDrunkPod Send us emails [e-mail] Credit Music courtesy of Ugly Smile

Hey, hey, folks. Here we are. We might be drunk. You know what it is. You know where it is. The beer Jew's got the stomach flu. So Sam is behind the bar. We got the hard liquor Jew over here.

Yes, exactly. We've kicked it up a notch. The hard liquor hebe. I'm making old pals today because we're all old pals. That's the name of the drink? Yeah. It's one part Campari. That's a parent's drink. Yeah. The hard liquor hebe. I'm making old pals today because we're all old pals. That's the name of the drink? Yeah. It's one part Campari. Campari.

That's a parent's drink. Yeah. It's good stuff. One part Campari, one part dry vermouth, and one part whiskey. I don't know whose scent is this, but it looks kind of funky. What is it? Is that Britney Spears on the cover? Who is that?

Zoe Kravitz? Matt, do we know who this is? No idea. It's not Britney Spears. That's all we know. Alright. This is perfect. I think right before, I asked her if she would sleep with me. That's the face. I should say Ari Shafir is our guest. Thank you.

Speaking of Jews, we got the King Jew. You're an ex-rabbi. You've been to Israel. You killed Arafat. I don't know. I can't... I was a fan of this show when it was still named... Fuck, I forget the name of it. This is sweet vermouth. What was it called at the beginning? What was it? This is sweet vermouth. We already have a problem.

Let's call it for dry vermouth. Well, you're about to make a new drink. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You're about to invent a new drink. This is a new pal. This is a boulevardier now is what we're making. That's fine. Both great drinks. Both underrated. You know all these. We're a run-up beer podcast. We have a drinking podcast. We're selling a liquor soon.

Hopefully it's out by the time this is out and you're out of the closet. But I should also say. I'll promote it at all my underground clubs. Yes. And welcome to the flannel panel, by the way. We look like a couple of lesbians in here. Really doing it up. Flannel portly crowd.

Exactly. So, yeah. Sam's hitting the ones and twos. He's going to make a couple of libations, and then we'll all have a cocktail. What was that, a first name of the podcast? I remember promoting it from a waterfall in Ecuador. One More Drink. One More Drink.

But there was a podcast that had like six episodes of One More Drink, so we're like, eh, I guess we shouldn't do it. Yeah. But I don't even think they were on anymore. You should have them on. One More Drink was the spirit of the show. It was like the end of the night when your friend is like, I got to go. And you're like, one more.

That's the last time I was at the cellar with I hadn't seen Sam in forever. And it was at the Village Underground with him and Shane. We're all like, oh, yeah. Busting balls. And you were like, you're drinking? No, I got to go. And it really was that. Like, all right, one more drink.

One more. We had an epic one. Me, you, you, us three at the village underground bar upstairs casamigos night and i remember we opened the door and it was sunny yeah it's a it's that one more like i'll get this wrong oh well you got the last i'll get this one and then damn and you see the cracks of light coming in i know and you know you've done something yes you know you've done new york right and then you have to readjust your schedule. Like, okay, I was supposed to do this at 1. I'll sleep through that.

I'll move that at 8 to 8, you know. It's crazy, though, because when you stay up all night drinking and you see that morning that you never see, that brisk morning. It's, like, warmer than it is. Yeah. And you feel like you've accomplished something and you're a winner instead of the actuality, which you're a huge loser for drinking all night. There's a guy sweeping. Well, it's because of the Rat Pack picture. We all are like, it's the Rat Pack picture.

It's like, no, we're at the fucking cellar. We're not in Vegas with Sinatra. The Rat Pack doesn't have to be on for a podcast. Good point. But yeah, you see the garbage men show up. You see the guys unlocking the businesses and putting the metal gate up. And you're like, if it was all, if the society was just us, it would crumble yeah thank god you guys exist and by that i mean immigrants i was i was walking around edinburgh uh and i early in the morning and i saw some random guy was uh like stocking

a sainsbury's like a grocery store yeah he was like oh he recognized me he's like what are you doing i'm like just walking around like what are you doing it's like i'm delivering you know groceries to the stores what are you doing up so early delivering you know groceries to the stores. What are you doing up so early? I'm like up so late bro Thank you guys you can get your we might be drunk Bottle drinks glasses at home right now pretty cool And we might be drunk calm you got that right we sold out Let's give it a shot here. That's pretty good.

That's not bad. That's nice. It's not Campari. It really does remind me of brunches at my parents' house. Really? Campari and orange. Oh, Campari Shafir. I like it. All right.

All right. Mark, it's like a video game where it just aligns upon. It's like Plinko through the pegs of autism. Plinko. I can't do anything with numbers, and I think it all went to letters and words with me. I have dyscalculia. Wow. Is that the name of it?

Yeah. That's what they call it. It sounds made up. He's the kind that cannot count jelly beans. That's exactly right. We can tell you what flavors there are. Damn, this is fucking good. This is good, dude. Boulevardier. We can tell you what flavors there are. This is fucking good. This is good, dude.

Boulevardier. We were going to do Old Pals. That's the great thing about alcohol. You don't have one ingredient. You throw it in. That's basically how every drink was created, I bet. I think you're right. We don't have this.

We'll just have this. The only difference is sweet vermouth to bitter vermouth? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Some guy was making a gin martini. He didn't have gin. He said, fuck it.

We'll do vodka there you go there's a drink interesting that's the history of most drinks oh yeah you know french fries were invented yeah fun fact i love these little douchey queefy stories but some french millionaire was eating in a restaurant in france in paris and he was like i want my potatoes uh like fried more and they're like all right so they fried them up and he was like, I want my potatoes fried more. And they're like, all right. So they fried them up. And he was like, I want more.

I want them crispy. Oh, it was how they made potato chips. And he's like, I want them flatter. And he was just being a dick. And the guy just kept, he was like, all right, fuck this guy. We're making these flat as shit and hard as shit. He's going to hate them. And he loved them.

And they started selling out. And then he tried the same thing with Oreos. And they were like, you're trash. You're garbage. Buy an Oreo. Get to a fair. Have you had those? Yeah.

It's too much. At carnoils and shit. Yeah. It is too much. It really is. Split it with somebody, unless you want to end up in a scooter. Dude, I get pissed. I get really pissed a lot.

On my For You page on Instagram or TikTok, that's what always comes up is the, it's like you're taking good food and making it shittier. I get the idea. But I saw one the other day. A guy has a steak you maybe you could find this and it's like baby bell cheese oh he puts it in the middle folds it dips it in flour deep fries it and i'm like you just ruined a steak yeah that's all you did yeah i know it never ends with these people you know it's like the double down or whatever the hell at a can. The bowl, the sadness bowl that Patton Oswalt did. But it's true.

We just have to keep going. You know, we have to fry a Twinkie. It's like, when does it end? It's like, it's already pretty fucking good. I know. It's made for, like, to be ready. Oreos are good. Oreos are good.

They're classic. I like the vanilla. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I love the blondes. Chocolate gets too much after a while. I know. One or two is okay, but I'd rather over, do you ever love the blondes. The chocolate gets too much after a while. I know. One or two is okay, but I'd rather over. Do you ever get the double or triple stuffs?

You got it. Oh, yeah. Do you know they make all stuffs? No. Just the fillings. Jesus. How does it hold? It's in a tube.

Shut up. Are you making this up? I might be. As I said it, it doesn't sound real. I can see ice. What? A tube of just the middle? Is that just a box?

Yeah, it's a tube. Oh, that's like heroin. You want to cut it with a knife and go, it's pure. A cop puts a knife. Oh, you pieces of shit. You're going down hard. Wow. That looks amazing.

I mean, ISIS sees that and they go, we got to go back and bomb them again. Maybe we should change our name to I-Sing. Oh. Then everyone would like ISIS. I know. It's a problem. I just did a rebrand. These guys aren't bad.

Guys, you had us miss. I had that rapper Rodney. I think Liz gave it to me. Yeah. I think he had like seven copies. Classic. One of the best. Just the idea that he tied a handkerchief around his neck is hilarious.

Oh, my God. It looks all right. You're all right. He just went to a thrift store for that for the cover of that yeah it's weird that his shirt is torn and dirty i don't know what that has to do with rapping we're gonna make you look gross and filthy he knew so little about the rap world that he's like it's this right it's just gross people right he looks like a coal miner for some reason he looks like he's just like the gay guy in the ymca song the village people yeah yeah they won't show. The village people. That too, yeah.

They were gay. Yeah. They won't show the ends of the boombox too because they're holding it up with strings. He's that old. Yeah. I've got one triple indie left in me and that's it. Also weird to put the boom, I mean, you'd blow your ear out, wouldn't you? I would go the other way with the speaker.

A lot of those early rappers are having serious hearing problems. Are they? Not now. The hearing aid? Yeah. That would be a bummer to see a are having serious hearing problems. Are they? Not that much. The hearing aid? Yeah. That would be a bummer to see a rapper with a hearing aid. I know. It really would be.

You don't want to live that long. Yeah. Old Rat, like Snoop Dogg, is hanging out with Martha Stewart. He's got a cookbook. It's weird to watch the, you know, he used to be like a badass murderer. He stayed badass. Did you see that Kirby Enthusiasm video with him? No.

Oh. He makes a rap to the Kirby song. What? What? Can we get it? It's so cool. It's just him smoking weed and driving. What?

Yeah, driving around. It's so cool. I mean, almost like Paul so you can fucking play it. So he wrote lyrics. Yeah, yeah. He raps in the song. He raps along with it to the... It's so cool. You got to play the song. He raps along with it to the... It's so cool. You gotta play the music.

Wait a minute. Is this it? Yeah. Oh, boy. You know me well. You know I'm coming by the smell. I'm here when you see the weed smoke in the air. Party people wave your hair.

So cool. What are you doing? Who bought the internet? What Wi-Fi? Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I don't care. Oh-oh. Let it list. Oh, shit.

How cool is he? Oh, he scratched it a little. Whoa. Wow. It's so fucking rad. Wow. It's so fucking rad. This is like when you bump into in a retirement home.

Old shoes. If he pulls out a double stuff, I'm going to shit myself. Bring it all around. He's just driving around Compton. This is amazing. See, this is the equivalent of making anything funny.

Like we see some news story and we make a joke out of it. He hears a fucking song in the intro of a show and makes a rap about it. Of an uncomfortable show. Yes. And he's like,

that's got something there. Dude, he should do it to every, we should get the cheers intro. Snoop just raps over. Oh, that's great. Cheers. Where everybody knows you. Dude, you hear Snoop's rap on Taxi?

That was crazy. Mary Tyler Moore. So many. Simpsons. Oh, that's a good one. That could be a good one. Damn. Yeah, Snoop is fucking amazing.

I've heard he's the coolest guy. Have you met him? Yeah, he used to smoke at the store a lot oh wow uh uh steven glickman had a story where he was like they were all like passing around joints you know and blunts or whatever and he was like i don't smoke anymore it's been like years and years but it's snoop dogg so you're gonna have to right and then he was listening to his story and everyone talking and at some point everyone's staring at him and he was like what's everybody staring at he goes you've been fucking bogart in the the thing man you've been keep you smoking the whole

thing he goes oh fuck what yeah and he goes sorry i haven't smoked in a few years or whatever and then snoop goes oh what oh you're gonna die that's amazing that is like smoking with snoop is kind of the equivalent of drinking with hemingway i would yes It's kind of that level of like you found the guy. Good point. I went to Hemingway's bar in Barcelona. Oh, no. Is it cool? It's so cool.

And there's no mention of him at all. There's no like plaque where it's like this was where he drank. You just know it's the end of the bar. Nothing's changed. There's so much dust on the beer bottles all over the wall. The only thing that changes is like in the mid-80s probably, they put a fan in. And that's about it. It's so much dust on the beer bottles all over the wall the only thing it changes like in the mid 80s probably they put a fan in and that's about it it's so cool you can get absent there wow yeah by the way that just shows you front and center that weed is better for you than alcohol oh yeah you got snoop still going and where the fuck's hemingway where's hemingway

been i'm waiting for that next shot himself yeah alcohol it does not end well it's funny there was this uh there was this poem by bukowski that it was basically like it was for his another guy didn't end well for him well he made it to his 70s i think he made it further than he should have because he had a woman at the end he took care like took care of him that's how you do it you become you're degenerate the first 65 years yeah then at the end you just find a woman she's like i'll clean up this mess right but he had a poem where it was basically like the gist of it was you it's like your friend you drink way too much with and you see each other once a year because that's all both your bodies can handle and you're both kind of just showing off when you hang out together where you're both

just like like yeah this is what we do but then the next day you're like fuck oh my god but that's how you view each other is like you're fucking. And it's kind of, there is some, I don't know, there's some truth to that. Like we all relate to that, you know? Totally. Well, it's also like when you see a drinking friend, you're like, hey, you want to do this? I know. No one else is around.

I was about to go home, but. And then you remember why you don't hang out with that guy more. Yeah. That's why we don't do it every night. There's some good once a year friends. Oh, dude. In New Orleans, the day after Thanksgiving or no thanksgiving night all the old high school and college friends would meet up at the bar and it was like oh my god you're back how you been i

started a business i got married i i killed my wife you go back you go back to college where you're like we're allowed to drink yeah and we can afford all the beers we want i know you have money now it's over 40 grand a year and you're staying at your parents house so you're like i need a fucking drink oh yeah amalgam of all this fucking shit and you just go blackout it is it is fun as hell but then you you drink with those high school friends and you and you're like do you still drink like this are you just doing it because you think i still drink like this right you're trying to please each other dude i saw sagalo the night after the cellar party.

Yeah. And he was like, how long did you stay? I was like, real quick in and out. Because we're pros and we've done it a million times. It's a slop factory. Yeah. I stayed too long.

You did? I did. I was that guy. I stayed till four. Whoa. Liz was behind the bar so she was hooking it up and I live a block away.

So I was like, what's the difference? I saw a waitress pass out face down. They had to move the table away and she starts a block away. So I was like, what's the difference? I saw a waitress pass out face down. They had to move the table away and she starts like moaning. She's like,

oh, oh, and I'm like, is she seriously hurt? And then they got to get Liz. Liz is comforting. I was like, you okay?

She's like, oh, and they put it on her stomach so she doesn't like fucking barf and drink it and then as soon as she comes, she just comes out and she goes,

and everybody's talking about me so I don't know why she popped out of it and got surlyf and drink it. And then as soon as she comes, she just comes out and she goes, and everybody's talking about me. She popped out of it and got surly. Good for her. Oh, it's great. Damn, those parties are legendary. Well, the staff at the cellar can drink like no other. They're just... I mean, that's why it's...

I think that's why they hire them. Yeah, it's literally like, you know, the knife on every finger. And they don't judge you. That's the process. Can you handle this but anyway sagal of this he was like i felt bad he hasn't drank in about a year and he goes i felt bad being there i was like yeah maybe i should because you know that urge he didn't do a program or anything just

that urge like oh this is why i drink it's for yes like this so the next day he was calling everybody's gonna hang out like i can't i can't everybody called out and he was like oh this is why i don't drink. Yes. Yeah. No, I got out of there pretty quickly. But I do remember a few people drunkenly eating that chicken. Like, this is good chicken. I'm like, you dude, it's Popeye's. Of course.

They get it catered. Liz gets it catered with Popeye's chicken. Yeah. You're in a basement drunk eating Popeye's. It's kind of great. It's great. But you don't feel good the next day. Yeah, Louis Katz pulled up a chair to that table.

Oh, yeah. And I was like, look at these Jews. I've been like look at these jews i took a few of those home but yeah there's also tattoos first of all the seller party was two years behind because of covid maybe more because it's supposed to be in december right right so they just totally blew it out they had a craps table a roulette table tattoo parlor who's getting i a tattoo when you're like- I'm not going to say who. I saw that guy get two. Those are fake tattoos.

No. What? Those are real. Oh, my God. I almost got one. Oh, wow. I thought they were jokes. Let's see the swastika.

All right. Fine. But also, it's like, you have one of eight. That's your options for forever. You can choose one of these eight. I'm like, that's your fucking- Let me think about this for a while. Yeah. Trash people. But I guess you don't want to go rogue like you

give me something whatever you think about it it's a tattoo yeah at skank fest it makes sense because those people have no futures good point no it was that was uh i remember the last time we did one of those i have pictures of i have pictures with ari and you can just see this glazed over look in her eyes i remember playing beer pong was so great i was on michelle wolf was my partner for beer pong and i remember we're going against mo ammer who's killing us because he's leaning over the table he's leaning he's encroaching on the israeli territory michelle i remember an image of michelle in his face like you piece of shit cheater and we're just wrecked and i'm like we're literally like everyone's like oh you guys are joking around

like she's not joking right michelle's competitive i was pissed too michelle's competitive i was fuming i was like you fucking cheater it looked like it just looked like the picture of why we can't come to terms right we can't come together down the middle of these. Down the middle. Mo's like, but I'm hitting the shots. Like, Michelle would not let it go. No, she wouldn't. She was really like, it was that drunk glaze of like, you're a piece of shit. Oh, yeah. You're cheating a beer pong?

This is sacred. And her Pennsylvania accent comes out. She's like, no! No! Well, they'll say, well, who cares? It's just beer pong. If you're willing to cheat at this, what aren't you willing to cheat at? There you go.

There you go. go there you go is there no honor in this world right oh my god we need mo on here to defend himself really do he'll drink with us dude when you think he's a good drinker oh yeah you people picture her the wrong she's trash she's from like central like hershey when she ended her fucking special with uh with um what's his name? Marilyn Manson. Marilyn Manson. You're like, what? And she's like, oh, yeah, I come from trash. She said she wants to come on here. We got to get her on.

We got to get her on. Oh, you got to be careful. Yeah, yeah. I'll bartend for that. Really? Oh, yeah. She'll booze. I'll chime in here or there, but I'll just bartend.

Wow. We should put her on a treadmill the whole time. Just let her run and drink. Orthodox beer, Jim. She lost best newcomer at Edinburgh to a guy who did his whole hour on a treadmill. No way. Yeah. Is that why she's a runner now?

Just to beat him? Just catch it up. Damn, those Christmas parties were legendary. Remember the Caroline? You might not have been around for that. I was not. Remember Caroline's? Oh, I remember Joe List and I got in a near fist fight one night.

Do you remember that? I don't remember. Oh, my God. I don't know what happened, but we were both hammered. And I'm going to blame List because he had to quit drinking. But we're like two inches from each other's face. And he's like, you fucking piece of shit. And I was like, this must have been 2010 or 11.

Yeah. I mean, it was ugly. Wow. What started it? I don't remember. I do remember Rich Voss spin kicking Jason Cantor and breaking his ribs. That I remember. At a party.

Yeah. Because he said he wanted to fuck his daughter. Yeah. He was just,ason was just i think drinking hard yeah trying to egg him on he likes to poke the bear yeah also like you gotta know someone well enough to ball bust and some people just go too fast it's true we don't know each other also i want to fuck your daughter does not it's not a good ball bus yeah it's not great is that your kid i want to fuck her. Zing.

I heard he was like, wait, what did you say? He was hammered. Yeah. You know, Jason's a good guy. Like, if you know him, like, we know him. We know he's a good guy. But, like, yeah, Voss fucking kicked him. He, like, horse kicked. Yeah.

Boom. Yeah. And broke a rib. Yeah. Good for him. That sucks to get your ribs broken by a 60-year-old Jew. I heard he also tried to stay around after that. Like, ah, it's cold.

Right, right. I'm sore, but it's broken Jew. I heard he also tried to stay around after that. Like, it's cold. Right, right. I'm sore, but it's broken rib, bro. There's no gas for that. I think you have a size 6 Jordan emblem on your chest there. Constantly in there. Like Enter the Dragon with Bruce Lee. The oldest man ever to wear Air Force Ones. I know, right?

Dude, I missed all, not all, you you guys are still going strong but some of the best new york boozers yeah cleaned up soda lisp bargats i caught the end of him oh yeah he'll be back you think so i think so yeah once his kids are in college he's gonna be a mess yeah i think once he does all like the arenas it'll be like i did it yeah i could take a day off exactly he was fun nate was always really fun. Always down. And he would go hard. And Nate's such a great guy, too.

I know. It's like, you know. Yeah, I miss it. I mean, Barcelona Bar, those, you know, speaking of Barcelona, that was, I passed it the other day. It's still open. It's weird when you walk by bars in New York now where you're like, a lot of the ones you didn't think would make it survived. Yes.

Yeah. And vice versa, where you're like, oh, thank God. That't think would make it survive and vice versa where you're like oh thank god that's still just because it's a new york staple there was a bar on second half maybe you can give us a goog there peters it was called cheap shots oh it's great did you guys ever go there of course that was like it was cheap shot is it open or i think it must be gone those gotta be 10 shots 20 bucks things it's like i's like I was already to making enough money. Like I said, making 40 grand a year or more where I'm like, I don't have to do that. I went there a lot. Me too.

Do you remember the Continental was a big one. The Continental. The guy, well, the Continental, look it up. I don't know if you get a picture of this guy, but he's got the Raiden hat on from Mortal Kombat. He looks like the dude from Mortal Kombat. Yes, that's the sign. Wait, let me see him. The Continental was 10 shots.

Did you get a picture of the guy? That guy walks his dog at my dog park. Shut up. There's a guy with a Raiden hat on all the time. Oh, I can't believe he's alive. This is the bar. I think the Mulaney joke is about nickel shot night. I think we'll die if we go to nickel shot night.

I think it's about this bar. Well, it's a Continental. Yep, that's him. That's him. That's him. That's him. That's a guy. That's a guy. He's got a great dog.

What are the odds? What are the odds? You just throw a hook at him and go, get over here. No, he, that dude. Yeah. The Raiden hat. That's like, I've just seen it. You're like, that's fucking, that's the dude. That's him.

No sun poisoning. Damn. That's wild. $10 for five shots of anything. Oh, the price. Yeah, that's it. 10 bucks, five shots. oh the price yeah that's it 10 bucks five shots there it is it's such that's a disaster yeah do you ever go to a drinking night where they have like dollar whatever bug lights or whatever the boot in new orleans yes but do you ever go in there just go i'll have a um jameson on the rocks like but that's gonna be nine dollars

look at this high roller i would love to have a what's that guy bar rescue guy tapper john taffer i would love to have him go in there and be like this is fucked we gotta just shut the whole thing down if the lights came on there would just be vomit and rats and jizz and all kinds of oh yeah and it was next to a mcdonald's it's almost mandatory that a bar like that is next to a mcdonald's yeah there we go yeah no that was a classic that's off st mark's right yeah yeah yeah it's right on st mark's it's uh and third i believe yes yes it's right by nyu the nyu trashy area oh yeah you can get some nice sunglasses right out there too and a pipe it's amazing a woman would ever walk in there go to cheap shots matt look up cheap shots nyc that was like the alternative to holiday cocktail lounge It's amazing. A woman would ever walk in there. Go to Cheap Shots, Matt. Look up Cheap Shots NYC.

That was like the alternative to Holiday Cocktail Lounge. Well, we used to do comedy. The Great Bar. That's close. Holiday Cocktail Lounge was, oh my God. Mark and I, so Ari, Mark and I used to do this show at Holiday Cocktail Lounge. Our friend Eric, I ran a show there. And he would book, there would be more comics booked than audience members every week.

He would run like 12 bad shows. And we're eric book one good show yeah don't make us keep showing up for four drunk audience members it would be me norman mackie list phil adrian yes more comics on the show oh that oh every time every time And the bartender only loved Mackie. Literally, he'd have the game on full volume, and then Mackie would come on, he'd mute it and be like, guys, watch this shit. Oh my god. Oh yeah. That was a hell gig. Those were rough days, but you got that drink ticket, and it was like,

There's so much to be able to get that free drink when you really cannot afford drinks. I loved it. The best. Does an ice cold beer when you're broke, you're like, this beer is $6. Yeah, and it's free for me. Well liquor was still great. You're like, is Evan Williams well? You're like, that's the highest well.

Yeah, I'll take it. Can I have one? Summer of LOL was great like that. Oh yeah. God bless Lewis for those gigs. I remember they tried to ban me from LOL which like like ouch but uh i remember because i don't know it's a time square just tourist only promise them chapelle right just put everybody else it was when people and first of you have

to get in an elevator to go to this gig so people are going in there they're like this looks like a college like classroom yeah so we go in there they were basically like studios yeah they were a little stage for like their scene oh man did we bomb in there all of us but i mean i remember lewis had my back there was no that's too nice that wasn't it no is that not it that's redone now similar that's the new one that's where i used to run a show when i was like that that was formerly the sage theater but oh wow but they moved it i was already banned from them by then but lewis had my back to his credit lewis always has everybody's back so what happened was and i'll put you in a chokehold i think i every time he takes your back yeah i think i was

like guys i need money and they're like we'll pay you when we feel like when we get to it and i was like i have another set i gotta get paid and they made a whole thing about it and then i said like all right fuck it i'm leaving and and uh lewis was like that's what real comics do they need to get paid on time and i'll do that it's a good guy yeah that's i mean i told it before but this is the famous spot where bill burr was doing the garden and he was like i need to get up i want to just run my set a little bit and they were like who are you and he's like i'm doing another show i just would love to get a guest set and you don't have to pay me and they were like no we're not gonna give you a spot who the fuck are you behind yeah that's how much they love comedy yeah didn't give a shit and that's why they drove lewis out of there because they're like we could do it even cheaper yeah some people who brought

he would they had right before they broke right right before they became anything. Me, you, you, List, Veeder. Who else was coming there? Lewis, Dave Smith. Oh, yeah. They had good guys over there. Good hangs there, too. Good hangs. Yeah, it's a shame.

No, that room was rough. I mean, Dangerfields did the same thing to Chris Rock, apparently, another club, RIP Dangerfields. But when Rock walked in there, he was like, oh, can I come in? The guy goes, mm. Like stopping him to get a cover charge. And then he goes, I'm Chris Rock.

And the guy looks at the bartender to be like, should I let him in? And the bartender doesn't even turn around. He goes, uh. Let him in? Yeah, he can come in, but not sorry. Not like, oh my God. Oh, he's still around apparently my dog's still doing it my dog old hair i like a lingon

he's underrated yeah it's a good the good crew people god damn oh yeah they're chasing canner yeah there you go all right talking about good times no there was we had some good times i had some great and i did new year's there one night what really yeah it was danger fields wow no lol oh wow i wasn't on the road it was like probably you need to get a spot yeah damn it was uh not a good place tough spot tough spot lol san antonio much better yeah it's so funny those guys who don't know anything. I would try to get Big J try to get me into Eastville back then and the owner I don't want to say his name. This happened to me too.

The owner he was like hey man my buddy Ari moved here. I had a TV show at the time. A stand up TV show. Send the tape. He goes I want to try to get in this guy Dove Davidoff and Ari Shafir. They're both new here. He goes I like this Dove guy but who's this ari he goes he's just a good friend of mine he's a good comic i don't know he goes and he goes does he think he's better than me

and jay was like what i mean yeah he is better than you but like what the fuck are you talking what does that mean what kind of answer is that this guy lives a block from here yeah come to your club for free yes same thing i thing. I lived on 5th Street. The club was on 4th Street. Yeah. I showed up with Che, Ted Alexandro, and Soder. And they were like, you got to book this guy. And he was like, I don't like him.

Wow. I tried to wreck people there, too. I worked there. I ran a show there when it first started. But then he was trying to underpay me on weekends. So I was like, hey, respectfully, I'll work here when you pay me the normal rate and he and he actually did so i was like it took like a month and he'll be like all right you can get the normal rate and it's like god it's like that's the bare minimum of putting it get the normal but he underpaid michael che on new year's so good guy to burn

a bridge with the uh the future head of weekend update yeah right or head writer of snl i know crazy is it worth is it worth 60 bucks is it worth that to be like oh i'll never you could have been the next comedy seller because only young guys perfect part of town i mean it's now new york comedy club and it's a good club judah would show up janine was always there it was it was right there It's a neighborhood place. Yeah. Yeah, man. No, I had a lot of fun nights there.

The room itself is electric on weekends. Oh, yeah. Holy shit. I'm there every Wednesday at 8. New York Comedy Club. I just did your show last week. It's amazing. There you go. What, the 4th Street one?

Yeah, we've been selling it out. It's hot. What are you doing? Hot soup? No. No, that's at the Fat Black. This is on Wednesdays at New York. Just a show.

Just a show. Just a show. Showcase. 8 o'clock. Man, those old rooms, like, LOL. It really is hilarious. Like, man, it's so easy to care. Why do you not care? It was never their business model to care.

It was like, this is not. All the people who drove out, like, the Canadian clubs who, like, never gave, like, Russell Peters, just a fair wage. You got into this for money? I gave. Russell Peters. Just a fair wage. You got into this for money? I know. Do finance. Why are you doing... You're trying to do bad comedy to get rich?

But that's what it is. It's like, you ever pass by on the freeway a building supply company? That's not anybody's dream. No. They're just in this. And so it's the same shit. But they must go to dinner parties or whatever and be like, what do you do? Oh a comedy club what i love sebastian maniscalco i love uh bill burr i don't know no you get the lowest level people we milk them for all they're worth yeah exactly you got

people who are probably never gonna make if they do make it we will drive them away that's our model i feel the same way with the industry like you ever meet people on a meeting in a caa or whatever the fuck general meeting and they're like oh i love uh prior and you're like no you don't get out of here yeah dude i went to the wild west uh comedy festival the nashville one yeah and um that's vince vaughn does that right no but he started it i think he started it yeah but anyway i ran it's been two years of covid not talking to any industry or whatever and you see these suits at the hotel and you see them and you're like i recognize your face

i don't know who you are i don't know if i'm supposed to hate you or if we had if we had a fake relationship or actually you were pleasant i don't remember anymore do we have a bitter feud right you're trying to cut my legs out from under me with the san antonio improv because i fucking told your client that you can do better like i don't know i don't know what shazam but for the industry just like you you run peacock yeah right that's great that's great they should have name tags or something at least like i'm important i'm worth talking to i actually like to get that name tag, unimportant. Yeah. Damn it.

Yeah, I just do the books. Because they all come at you the same way. Hey, buddy, how you doing? Right. Hey, buddy. It makes me fucking squirm. Me and Vitor do that. That's all we do on the road.

We go, hey, buddy. There's something that just makes me like, oh, I just shrink when I hear it. It's like a pocketbook full of them. It's like, hey, buddy. Hey, champ. Hey, sport. Hey, big dog. There he is. That's like a pocketbook full of them. It's like, hey buddy, hey champ, hey sport, hey big dog, there he is. That's another one. There he is.

Do you know how fake you're being or do you just fake around other fakes that you're like... Alcohol doesn't help either because they're even looser. Oh, yeah. I know. They'll go up to Shane Gillis like, I thought the Asian joke was funny. You're like, get out of here.

Get away from me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they are. Those things are always. You're like, how drunk am I going to get with these people? I know. I'm starting to really at every festival. Like, let's go out.

Let's go to another bar. Let's get a crew and get the fuck out of here. Totally. Fucking idiots. Yeah. They suck. Your own guy is good and then every other guy fucking sucks no there's cool people there for sure i mean but that but you have to

kind of weed through cool enough yeah not actually cool yeah i know i just haven't i haven't done the hang for i mean the only festival i've done in forever was moon tower and i think i just kind of did my own thing i don't think i really hung I was just there. We all went for a walk a few moonshine hours ago. We're like, let's not go to the after party. Let's just go. We'll smoke some weed. We'll go walk in the river. And Norman was like, me, Liz, Jay, I forget who else.

A bunch of people there. We had a great time. Norman's like, let me go do one loop around. Yeah. And the next day he goes, oh, it was two hours and what a mistake. I know. You're waiting for something that never comes. you're right you're chasing that dragon and then you guys had great conversation you had cigars you had a weed you had a joint a drink it was

it's i should have just done that it's just like we keep thinking i'm chasing the dragon's a good term we keep thinking it might be this great valuable thing it's not oh and the music is at 15 and you're like i we have to speak for this festival. I know. We need our voice. I'm putting my foot down. Loud music, I hate it everywhere. Yeah.

I mean, unless I'm at a concert where I'm ready for it, I just hate it. I want to talk. There should be a separate room to go dance. Yes. Brutal. Separate room with light jazz. Oh. But we can talk.

We want to talk. I love a party with like four rooms with four different vibes oh real dance floor that's good that's good blacks real fucking talking for the old whites you know he's just reinventing segregation every pool hall is like only classic rock keep the blacks out no we uh we no we it sucks that it's people who you like and haven't seen in years i'm like oh shit matt bronger i'd love to talk to matt bronger and then he was like i can't because the music's up here you can't how are you it's a nightmare yeah

you gotta get through that time matt brogan's the best i saw him in the montreal uh whatever room and i was like i had a beer couldn't open it and then i saw matt and he's like an alt comic so you expect him to be a queef but then you're like oh but you're from Portland like Matt can you pop this for me and he goes uh huh oh yeah he's like an old Portland he's just like a hillbilly at heart he's like the nicest dude

sweetest guy yeah he's just so cool funny guy yeah man those fests take it out of you I'm sorry what were we going to say? I was just going to say if there were those four rooms, I guarantee that loud one would be empty. Or there'd be psychos in there. Or there'd be dancing.

Yeah. Okay, dance it up. It is some people's vibe. Dancing is fun if you're a good dancer. I'm a terrible dancer. We're all bad dancers, right? Terrible. I mean, I'll do it, but I'm horrible.

Only Molly. Really? Only chance. Heavy Molly. I went to a nightclub in Berlin, and it was just like, find drugs in the bathroom. And I was like, okay, I guess. And this place was just, I mean, it was like I said, the only way you could get out.

I got turned away once already, then I came back the next day. It's Friday midnight to Monday at noon. And you can stay in as long as you want. First thing I saw was a dude getting fisted. Full fisted at the bar ordering two drinks hopefully one for the fucking puppet master and just fucking i mean that's double fisting yeah do you do you stay out of that room is that one of the four rooms oh yeah do you uh music do you i mean there could be a video game of ari's life i feel like and it would be fun sometimes you know i gotta get through the china episode i'm in the south south american

i'm stuck in thailand oh no i'm at the kobe boss i can't beat him um yeah but it was just wild and you get like i can't dance but it's all house and techno depending on which floor you're going to and then when you get drugs you're like i can dance now this is happening interesting it's really just about letting go that's really all it is and i can't let go you'll look like you're foolish but then you see a guy with with socks and shoes on sneakers and socks and then that's it and just dancing with his fucking dick out having a good time fat dude and you're like what am i worried about i know what am i gonna look like that guy is happier than us. I know.

And he'll probably get laid because girls are like, hey, look, he's free. He's confident. And I'm there like, what do I do with my honor? Yeah. So good for him. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe he's happy.

He's probably happier. He's happy that night. I was dancing nonstop. And this dude, he gave me like a bunch. He gave me some molly. He gave me some ketamine. And it was just like, you want to do ketamine, William? I'm like, well, I mean, I'm here.

Of course I would. Why wouldn't I? What are you talking about? I don't know anything about ketamine. What does that do to you? Ketamine's like Coke, but like chiller. It's horse trank. Yeah, it's just chiller.

It gives you this vroom, vroom, vroom when you get enough. It's a better Coke to me. Really? You don't strike me as a Coke guy. No. With that honker? Come on. You can suck up a city. No one will give Coke to me. Really? You don't strike me as a Coke guy. No. With that honker? Come on. You can suck up a city.

No one will give it to me. We got to portion it out before you get here. Damn. Cartoonari just snorting it all. Yeah. Like, Jesus. It's like a game of Snake. Right?

Like, run around the road. Try not to hit the back of the line. Honker is the best word for nose. Honker. That'd be great. It's derogatory, but in a way you can't complain. I heard a great joke. Sorry, the other day some guy said something about Israel.

The best band for Israel would be called Guns N' Noses. Because it's just Jews with guns. The setup would help it, but it was a great punchline. What? I mean, yeah, so you snort ketamine? I think then we were yes we were but i'm dancing i just can't stop dancing the guy who was like hooking me up here there he was like uh he was like you're not tired i'm like no i'm having the time i mean it was 12 13

hours we left monday at noon we got out of there and like 13 hours i was fine but then like the next day i didn't go to the hospital Because my back was just Really Yeah we flew to Norway The next day And I did my show And then like had to like Stay an extra day in Norway

Whoa From a horse trank No from dancing nonstop Oh The horse trank had no issue Damn Yeah You think the horse trank

Would help that though You would think it would Because if you're a horse You can handle a lot on your back The jockey right Good point That's my thinking but you you uh you dance so hard you fucking you hospitalized yourself yeah that is the old guy uh hospital visit the charleston got me send him to the roomba unit damn oh man norway then fly who are you you're like bond you're flying all over the tour

it was a european tour but i was having i took like three days off in between gigs to really try to have some fun damn good for you man you live i try see that's i did the bert thing two weeks in europe with bird it was copenhagen it was belgium it was russia it was uh amsterdam you you name it but he we never took a break it was copenhagen it was belgium it was russia it was uh amsterdam you you name it but he we never took a break it was a different city every night so i never saw a city i never saw dublin i never saw uh you went to dublin we did well we did dublin yeah but uh all these you know we went to manchester i was in i was out you know and the secret is your jews will tell you to do it differently your age doesn, I mean. But you do Thursday, Friday, Saturday, maybe Sunday, whatever.

And then you have just the rest off until the next Thursday. So you can either stay in the city you're already in or go early to the next city. So there's no reason to stay in Brussels. It's just boring. It sucks. So go to Berlin early. Yeah. Whatever you do, take the train and just hang out in one city.

Copenhagen is great. Great. What a fucking fun time. Is that your favorite city? It's up there. It's the best weed in Europe, maybe the world. Really?

Really. Yeah, better than Amsterdam. See, we got like a Bourdain here. You're like a Bourdain with no kids. That's right. Damn. That's a suicidal

inducing girlfriend. Man, she seemed like something was off. Oh, all oh yeah fuck he was the man dude the man he was like who's cooler than bourdain i saw a thing about bourdain where some guy was just like breaking down his greatness on tiktok and it was like so well put where it was like he just seemed to have he was interested in everything he treated a waffle house with the same respect as like a five-star michelin restaurant he was into so like he he was never bored like that that is being connected to the world and

he was undefinable so he started as i just saw that i wasn't that into him you know until he committed suicide and i was like he's got courage but like uh but like afterwards i saw the documentary and he goes from this chef who writes chef books you The books are great too. They're really good. Yeah. And a really interesting way of writing, flowery way of writing. And then they were like, why don't we do some food all over the world? And he was like, hey, as soon as he took that first trip, he's like, I'm done with that life. I just want to travel and do stuff.

And they're like, can you have something cool to eat while you're there? And he goes, yeah, I can do that. But he just became this traveler. Good for him. That was almost unrelated to being a chef. He's like, we'll meet. We'll have some nice food. But it's about being in Vietnam.

It's about being in fucking Myanmar. It's weird when you work all this time. Everyone's like, he had the dream job. I'm like, well, he's got a family. He's got kids. Also, I bet you he was like, oh, man, he's so fun. I bet you the second the cameras were off, he was just like, oh, I'm fucking tired. Oh, no doubt about it.

I mean, it also is a lesson. First of all, he's 60, dude. I don't believe that. I think he was like, cameras off, like, hey, let's go across town and fucking get into some shit. Well, he definitely had some demons. He loved coke. He loved booze. He loved booze.

Well, it's weird when his whole thing was about sobriety, and then you just see him getting shit-faced on episodes. What do you mean his stuff was about sobriety? Well, he's a recovering heroin addict. Wow. So it's a lot like- But he'd do everything else. Yeah, but he would drink on episodes. I'd be like, damn, he's drinking a lot.

You just think, first off, he's drinking a lot, but somehow he was just still shredded at 60. I know! Well, he was a jujitsu guy, I believe. Yeah, he got into jits. He, who was I gonna say? Fuck, Scar. Great, did you guys want another another drink did you see the doc great

roadrunner i couldn't do it it was great it was so good i know how it ends so i just i liked him so much i don't want to i don't want to the end just don't watch the end because you know it's gonna happen but the beginning is casino ends but you still watch the whole thing i know but joe pesci deserved what he hit his brother with a bat. He's still breathing. That was dark as fuck. Ooh, the little tighty-whities on Pesci. I don't know if I could watch that now.

I think I'd let it in now. That's a dark scene. They used to play on TV. That would come on at noon on Sunday. Yeah, and they'd show that scene, but they'd edit fuck. They'd be like, forget you. So crazy. Then they'd show his limpless body.

He's still breathing. That's true. Dude, I had a guy in my crowd in central Washington a long time ago, and I was talking about heroin. And this guy was like, I saw his teeth gone. And I was like, you do heroin? And he raised his glass, his Bud Light. And he goes, six years sober. And I was like, you're drinking a Bud Light.

He goes, you don't think there's a difference between heroin and a Bud Light? Wow. And I was like, yeah, you're right. I'm wrong. He's got a point. Yeah. Let me just say one fun fact about Goodfellas. I mean, Casino.

Okay. Scorsese was getting so much shit from the crew. Guys, Martin Scorsese, he's the director of Goodfellas. He was getting so much shit from the censors because he was so violent. And they go, here's what we're going to do. We want to keep all the violence the gunplay the the explosions but we want to keep all that in so we're gonna put a guy's head in a vice and we'll just we'll just do that so they cut that out and the rest will look like you know nothing compared peaches and cream yeah yeah so they put the head

in the vice guy and they go that's fine wow they Wow. And they left it in. So he got it all in. What a lesson. Push the line. Push the line. Dude, when I was doing this not happening stuff, we'd always like have that. We're like, all right, let's try something. One crazy thing. So they can put their foot down.

Exactly. And then they can come back from there to where we wanted to be. Right, right. What was one that was tough to get on, Ari? Well, it was a lot. It was a lot of like you had to protect the people's like demeanor. well it was a lot it was a lot of like you had to protect the people's like um demeanor so we had somebody who was who was like well any sort of like liquor brand or or um one of my friends took mushrooms and left our camping thing and just was that a fucking mcdonald's like can't say mcdonald's

like but it it was mcdonald's yeah and you have to say this happened at a different yeah they said del taco i'm like that's not gonna fly That won't be the same thing. And you fight for it and then they go, okay. And then Ryan Moran's always like let me help you fight. And then he'd get it in. Right. Shout out to Ryan Moran who's a good dude. He's the only one. He was the only one left at Comedy Central. He's the only one over there you can count on. Wow.

He's the only one left. He's a good person. Yeah. But like there was one where it was I don't want to say this zeitgeist anymore, but somebody used the F word. He goes, they're going to call me. He was gang member. And his dad told him to turn away from a fight. And he goes, they're going to call me if, you know.

Yeah. And they go, you can't say that. And it's like, yeah, but that's the character. Right. He's talking about himself at 16 years old in gang life. Yeah. That's he's referring to that time. Yes. You got to let him say it. If he wants to say he's the common. You can do it in movies for some reason. Yeah, he's referring to that time. Yes.

You got to let him say it if he wants to say he's the comic. You can do it in movies for some reason. Yeah, and it was this long fight and I think I might have lost that one. Oh. I think I might have been like,

it can't happen. There you go. And then other times it was weird, it didn't matter. I had to fight for like a liquor brand and they go, you can use Evan Williams if you want, but that's it.

And I was like fighting and fighting. It might have been St. Germain or it might have been. It must have been have been must have been saint germain yeah the whiskey or the guy the guy okay and um and eventually i think i told him like hey i lost he had to say evan williams and they were like you're like no it's fine like they didn't care at all it goes it didn't matter if it was whatever jmo with that and what's that about oh it's still rhyme or reason of that shit yeah let me just say this about uh uh bourdain yeah yeah yeah going back sorry first of all eric andre had the best bit about

bourdain he's like i love the show i love bourdain but let's be honest that guy must have had the worst diarrhea on the planet right when the cameras turn off just like you know it's a great bit and you know he plays it up to 10 but uh bourdain somehow made a beer look so good he was so cool he embodied cool i found cool spots because of him like he really made you like he'd be having a great time in some weird suburb of detroit yeah like if he can do it if you can find a good point and the way he said it i already had these thoughts from some other book about travel but like when he's telling it the lady who killed him it was like no don't say the name of this place she's like why because it's gonna be a line of american tourists up you always do that i always

tell me that don't say the name don't say if it's a fun place do not say the eiffel tower the words out wait what what is it are you don't say we're talking and we're talking about this cool bar yeah uh that does jazz on thursdays in the Village, this underground place, I will bleep the name of that on a podcast. Why? You don't want people walking in your footsteps. But don't you want to help the bar? What if they need help? You can tell your friend, oh, check out this place.

Word of mouth. You'll ruin the vibe of it. You'll ruin the vibe of it. That's true. That's true. If it's a tourist spot. Tell them about Joe's Pizza. Okay.

It's already out. It's out. There's always a line. It's fine. And they's a tourist spot. Tell them about Joe's Pizza. Okay, it's already out. It's out. There's always a line. It's fine. And they move that line. God bless them. Yeah. Well, the line moves.

Some places have long lines and they take forever. Joe's Pizza, boom. Goes right through. Boom. Yeah, they are good. They're good. So yeah, you don't want to ruin a place. Yeah, you got a point.

You got a good point there. And also, what do you want? A bunch of fans showing up to get. But it's a good lesson, though. I mean, you'd watch that show and you'd go, this guy's got it made he's in fucking thank you he's in uh you know madagascar drinking a drink out of a coconut on the on a fucking cliff looking over the ocean yeah and then he kills himself so it's like hey also depression is not just you get to travel. No one's like, you get to travel. Right. Depression is deeper than booking cool flights.

Right. Travel could help it. I'm telling everybody. Like exercise, you think? Yeah, like exercise, like sun. Look at him. He's traveling. He's exercising.

These are all the things they tell you to do. Don't date a fucking actress. That overcomes all the depression antidotes maybe that's why Weinstein went to prison he had too many actresses exactly that's what did it dude we had a waitress

at the stand who's also working at Rockwood Rockwood yeah and she goes he came in when he was on like

bail really and they were all like what the fuck and then they just had to like keep going and they were like hey can we kick him out

like the waitress was like yeah tell the manager we want to kick him out and he's like his money's green just like anybody's wow come on i don't know it's a little tainted i know just kick him out it's it's crazy because you look at wine scene he's so ugly he's like this big oafy ogre-y just hideous man and he's got a good personality i guess and he's rich and he did make some great movies he did make some but he's so he was a he was a great it's like the the definition of a great producer all the tarantino stuff knew how to cut fat too apparently you know uh yeah i mean i think he just knew be like cut this scene this doesn't add anything i know i think he was that's why his movies it's like robert evans you just know it's gonna be a hit he is good or like that guy who does every cbs show laurie chuck laurie i

know how to do this but at the same time you're like yeah it's a fucking obviously not a monster yeah he was the he had the idea to make kill bill two two things yeah there's too much good stuff you got to double it up here well also i love, I love Tarantino, but you're insane. If you're like, yeah, one movie, six hours. I know. They'll sit through it. I saw the French version of it, the Cannes Festival version of it. We saw it at one of those Tarantino-owned movie theaters on the Beverly, whatever that one is on Beverly.

New Beverly. New Beverly. He bought it eventually. Back-to-back with an intermission. Whoa. It was great. Well, look. Damn.

If you're into it's fun but i'm just saying for like a mass audience no way saying who has five hours kill bill one and two are incredible incredible every one of his movies are great yeah wow what oh he's a fucking i mean don't i mean look i'm a fan i'm just watching quentin quentin come on we might be drunk please please are you gonna are you gonna up? Quentin, you like stand-up comics. We love you. This is a match made in heaven. Yes.

Quentin, come on, We Might Be Drunk. I'm a fan. Start the hashtag book Quentin on We Might Be Drunk. There's only one I in Quentin. You're making two I's. What did he say? Quentin. Oh.

Quentin. Cut that part. No, don't put the second E. It's the first E. Call him Tarantino. That's not even his real name, by the way. What is it? I think it's Ian, isn't it? Yeah, Quentin. Cut that part. No, no. Don't put the second E. It's the first E. Call him Tarantino. That's not even his real name, by the way. What is it? I think it's Ian, isn't it?

Yeah, Quentin. Quentin. You're saying Quentin. I feel like we're splitting hairs here. Let's call him QT. You're right. Cut all that out, please. Quentin.

No, keep it. Quincy. By the way, I mean, look, I know everything about the guy. I'm a huge fan. He worked at Video Archives, and he started a little community about movie loving. And then he made My Best Friend's Birthday was his first movie on Super 8. It's not great. I got a Tarantino story.

Please. Very little involved with him. I'm at Kimmel. Went to see Morgan Murphy, who's doing stand-up. I love Murphy. Tarantino was the first guest. Wow. And she goes, hey, do you want to come?

Tarantino's like, oh. I mean, I wrote my thesis in college on Pulp Fiction. Really? Yeah. Love Tarantino. Love Pulp Fiction. What was your thesis? How everything was, there was like a lot in.

You're like, I thought the gym scene was a thing of beauty, and here's why. It was, what's his name? Travolta's character's always played by a car or a race car of some kind. So he blows that guy's head off in a car. He's wearing, right before he calls, he's like, this girl overdosed, the dealer. He's wearing a Speed Racer shirt. He's telling you he's about to call.

And there's a place where Bruce Willis is walking in his own apartment. He thinks it's empty. He's like, nobody's here. So he starts walking and it pans down and it shows a race car on a shelf. It only shows him from the waist down. And that's Tarantino's way of saying,

he's in the bathroom. He's here right now. Wow. The race car guy is here right now. I love that kind of shit. Yeah. It doesn't give it away, but giving it away

if you're really willing to look. It's attention to detail, man. Oh, God. Anyway, I'm there. God bless Bruce Willis. I'm going to miss him for movies, oh yeah he was bomb but way to get out before you get sad yeah you know in 50 years he'll be gone regardless and we'll still have that so many good movies though and like i you know it's funny i saw him in my deli once and he took pictures with like

everybody you're just like oh he's just like a nice guy greatest guy so um i think he's got pictures with everybody. You're just like, oh, he's just a nice guy. Greatest guy. So I think he's got a picture of Joe's pizza. Anyway, Don Barris is doing the warm-up there. And he's going around telling prison stories. Like, who's got a prison story? And somebody's like, I'll do whatever. And then he lacks eyes with me from across. Because we're friends, friends. We do the weird Jew and A at the end of the night at the convenience store.

Love Barris. He locks it. He comes over. And he goes, oh, sir. Pretending not to know me. He's like, what do you got? He goes, no oh, sir, pretending not to know me. He's like, what do you got? He goes,

no true stuff. And then, you know, because it's like corporate job. And I just said, I just gave the plot of Hurricane. I was like, well,

I was in prison for a while. I was a championship boxer. And I was there for a while until this young African American kid took up my case and he proved my innocence and I'm out. And you could hear like murmurs

like, is that what it? Right, right. Anyway, it's in between segments. But Tarantino's up there. He had done a Tarantino trivia contest with a Tarantino expert lost to him about himself. Wow. Wow.

So then afterwards, he's like staring into the audience. And I'm way back. And it looks like he's staring right at me. Oh, boy. And I'm like turning around. I'm like, is there a monitor behind me or something? He's like, no. And then he does another segment

and then afterwards he's just fucking staring at me. And I mean, I'm like 20 rows up. But you sound like the guy at the strip club, like she likes me. You know, you start thinking maybe I'm just being crazy. Exactly. No way. And so then in between segments,

he calls Barris over and then they're looking up at me and I'm like, what the fuck? Oh, boy. It was weird. Oh, boy. Well, he does this go to the store a lot. Maybe he saw you there. Before that.

Okay. Yeah, I couldn't tell what it was. And I was a door guy back then. And so then Barris comes over to me, comes up and he goes, I was like, what was that? He goes, yeah, he was looking at you. I'm like, what? He goes, he saw me messing with you. He wanted to know if you were the amazing racist.

What? I tried to get to the green room after the show, just like, I want to fucking deliver a pizza in a Tarantino movie or hold a fucking. That was my cue to go over and butt fuck you. I tried to give you some time. I missed my butt fuck cue. Sorry.

And they wouldn't let me go to the green room, and I was like, fuck. My podcast dick doesn't work man uh it happens um dude that's crazy wow tarantino that's at least he was aware of me i was like so i was it made my fucking year wow that's amazing good for you man that means he's aware quentin is aware of you for a moment he almost he's casting you in the remake of dead blanker storage that's uh you're like jesus if you ever do a movie about the orthodox jewish community your version of a serious man did you see that movie no i wanted to the brothers cone brothers

yeah who is tarantino your favorite filmmaker of of this generation yeah once i once i did because so i was good i was like hey can i do my research paper on tarantino, your favorite filmmaker of this generation? Yeah. Once I did, so I was good. I was like, hey, can I do my research paper on Tarantino, this film by Dr. Colker? And he goes, yeah, but you've got to watch it like 15 times. You can't just watch it once. And you've got to watch his other movies too. And then it was weird because after like seven or eight times watching it, that's when I started picking up on other stuff. Wow.

I had to go to the library to watch it. Wow. That's when I was like, oh, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. He said I'm a race car ready to explode. What does that mean? Yes. And then he'd go back like, oh, I'm starting to see more.

There's all kinds of apple cigarettes. There's all kinds of stuff. He set up a world. Yeah, it's a whole world. Not to mention tension and fucking. He just always does. To me, he's the embodiment of my definition of art which is entertainment with a message so like you can just have a pretty painting but what's that are you

saying anything with it and then also like if you're saying something but it's not fun you know like a fucking heady movie you know where it's like this is it's not entertaining but i get your message but it's not entertaining me it's too heavy-handed that's not my style of art my style of art is you're saying something and you're entertaining me the whole way i'm pushing back here yeah me too i i i like your movies because i don't always think there's a message i don't think they're fucking awesome sure fast and furious is great i wouldn't call it art but is there a message in kill bill is there a message in like what about david tell it message in all of it. What about Dave Attell? It's just humor, entertainment, funny, joke, joke, joke. There's no message.

I think the message is like connect with what you're good at, which is joke writing. All right. Well, so the term message is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It depends what it is. Lucy Goosey. All right. It sounds like you're saying racism is bad.

Right. It's my version of what's the best. So Attell's message is trim the fat. Yeah. These are just great jokes. Right. He leans more on the entertainment and less on the here's my best here's what i want you to take home and think about tomorrow my favorite i've said this before in the podcast my favorite

tarantino movie is jackie brown because it's just a fucking great i love it it's his pinkerton it's what it's his pinkerton his wow wow all right well done thanks it is his pink it was not yeah not well received commercially for some reason, but everybody later go, dude, it fucking rocks. It's one of my favorites. Tarantino never fails to deliver an awesome soundtrack as well. Yeah. Even when it's boring.

They were like, hateful eight. Boring. I'm like, what? I guess. But you're still talking about it. I loved hateful eight. You're still talking about it weeks later. Yeah.

It's great. His not quote unquote like weaker in films are better than pretty much anything that year. Can I give you a film recommendation? Please. I will tell you nothing about it. I love. I told Louie this last night. I told Shane this. And the listeners are going to love that you are bringing a wreck here.

Bring the wreck. This is not my official WMBD recommendation. Everything, everywhere, all at once. I hear it's incredible. I keep hearing about it. Look up nothing. Just go see it. I'm telling you, don't go. The kid from Goonies and Indiana Jones 2. Wait, Data? The Asian kid?

Yeah. And Michelle Yeoh. He kills it. She kills it. I can't wait to see it. Don't look it up. I heard nothing about it. I just got an invitation. I'm like, sure, whatever. Don't even tell me. We're going. I steal cable. I just got an invitation. Like, you want to go? I'm like, sure, whatever. Like, it's about, don't even tell me. We're going. I've tried it. I steal cable. And I get all kinds of, I get every movie, like every.

I'm still stealing Big J's Netflix password. I'm really upset about this. No stealing. By the way, Netflix dropped, apparently. Did you hear that? Because they wouldn't book you. Let's talk about that in a minute. But, yeah.

So, I keep trying to watch, but they don't have it yet on my cable. I'll go again to the theater. Really? I would go see it. Maybe we'll do a little field trip action. I yet on my cable. I'll go again to the theater. Really? I would go see it. Maybe we'll do a little field trip action. I'm here this weekend. I'm not. I'm gone.

But, dude, it's funny. I follow Patton Oswalt on Twitter, and he's done like eight tweets about this movie. He's a big film nerd. He's like, it's the greatest movie. I told Louis last night, and he was like, is it American or foreign? I was like, hey, dude, I don't want to tell you anything about it. I just want you to watch it. And he goes, I will. That that's a recommendation i don't get you've never recommended a movie to me yeah okay louis louis recommended the movie california split to me so if you haven't seen

that movie that i give that a high rec because uh it's elliot gould and george seagull as just degenerate degenerate gamblers definitely the movie movie Uncut Gems. Uncut Gems. Got a little inspiration from this movie. Oh, really? It's a Robert Altman movie. Robert Altman, underrated. Great. One of the most underrated.

I mean, the player is as good a movie as ever. Shortcuts. Which you read the book. Shortcuts is dark as fuck. You read the Robert, right, McCarver book about it, and you see that, and you're like, oh, they're wildly different. Yeah.

Man, that scene with the waitress, it's like there's something so dark about them just like trashing your wife, who's the waitress at the diner. Played greatly by Lily Tomlin. And Tom Waits is the husband. Wow. And that scene where that redhead chick is naked from the waist down trying to argue about

how this guy never came inside her so she didn't fully cheat. Whoa. What was her name? The Rock. What movie's this? Shortcuts. I've never seen this. Oh, it's Altman.

It's one of Schumer's favorite movies. I'll watch that this weekend. That's it. Robert Altman. Chuck Schumer. Chuck Schumer. Chuck Schumer, big movie fan. No, you know, yeah, Altman is one of the best ever.

I read the book and studied it in college and then had a class where we discussed Carver's Very Dark, where we discussed the movie. I got an easy egg. I was like, what? That's what he's saying here by this film? I'm Dark, where we discussed the movie, I got an easy egg. I was like, what? That's what he's saying here by this film? I'm like, yeah, by the film. So wait, did you know, is it Errol Morris who wrote Rum Punch?

Elmore Leonard. Jesus. Errol Morris is the true crime guy. Okay, sorry. Who's amazing. Yes. Who did Thin Blue Line. Right, right.

Okay, Elmore Leonard. Elmore Leonard. He wrote Rum Punch, which is based on- Jackie Brown. Jackie Brown is based on that. And he read the script, and Quentin Tarantino was too scared to show him, because he's like, your book is so good, I don't want to fuck with it. And he read the script, and he said, it's the best screenplay I've ever written.

Wow. Dude, I'll say this, too, about how cool Elmore Leonard apparently was. I knew one of the guys who wrote for Justify, great guy, Chris Provenzano, wrote like, I want to say like 30 episodes of that show. I literally met him as a fan. I met him because my friend knew him and I was like, can I just tell him I'm a fan? And we ended up just becoming buddies through it. But Justify is one of the best shows of all time.

It's so underrated. Tarantino is directing. Yeah. Tarantino is going to direct a few when it's back. And it's Elmore Leonard apparently apparently said like he's so humble you know he's passed away now but he said like i never could have written a show this good like man the writers are and it's based on his shit but how yeah but how cool is that yeah it's based on firing the hole but like it's cool when you're like you guys are doing a great job how cool is it that the

writer who's this fucking icon is like you guys have done better than i ever like generally you're messing it up you're ruining my vision right right But they really did kill it like it's really a good fucking show see worse woman in the world I gotta watch it normally. I'm gonna watch it NBA playoffs is a hard time for me to watch movie I saw three movies in a row. I got a great streak on of like damn I was licorice pizza for liked it loved it. People are shitting all over it people. Oh, oh people are shitting on something I Mean honestly loved it people are shitting all over it people oh oh people are shitting on something i mean honestly anything good in the world like people i respect are shitting ari and i saw once upon a time in uh hollywood together i love that movie that was fun as hell whiplash we had fun time we saw django we saw django dude whiplash is fucking awesome i know people hate it every watch on a flight i was like I love it

I love it It's great It's over the top It's silly but it's great Licorice pizza Worst woman in the world And then everything everywhere All the time

Worst person Worst person in the world I think it's person I don't remember I don't see gender I believe you But either way I think it's person

But which In what order Ari I would go Everything everywhere All at once First and I don't want to over hype it But I want everyone to see it So you read into that However want to overhype it, but I want everyone to see it. So you read into that however you want.

But it's sci-fi. I want people to see it. I hate sci-fi. No, no, no. Don't write off genre. All right, all right. Don't. Just go see it.

Okay. And then Worst Person in the World. And then Licorice Pizza. But all just like these are nailed movies. There are moments in Licorice Pizza, the third third best where i'm like it's such a true moment that it's almost i get choked up i start like tearing i can't help it it's i love that nailed reality here yes we're such movie nerds on this podcast like it will turn into a movie i know i know there's a moment when you drink right go what this is what you do when you drink oh yeah let me tell you a pet peeve

these fucking dorks who come onto a drinking podcast and don't drink with this kid. You do when you drink, right? What? This is what you do when you drink. Oh, yeah. Let me tell you a pet peeve. Can I do my pet peeve? These fucking dorks who come onto a drinking podcast and don't drink. What the fuck kind of shit is that? It's a drinking podcast. You hear that?

Don't come in. Well, some people are sober. Well, Apatow was because of us, honestly, because we had to backlog and we recorded with Bert the day before. Oh, did he come on

before liquor was invented? Drink! Yeah, Gaffigan. i know you came on at noon you're irish now i i hear you but these people have jobs and they're busy and we record at noon a lot yeah so mark and i will usually drink but we can't blame you if you don't gaffigan drink that's disappointing i don't know if he boozes he was yeah he does oh does he yeah but he was in the middle of a press tour he probably had like 12 interviews that day yeah well loosen up a little and he's got a family what are we gonna like fucking egg him on to get shit face yes yes kids you guys are two of the best drunks in new york he needs a drink what drink more you can't get a boner. We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by Displate.

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It's going to change your life. Hear, hear. What were we just talking about before this? Oh, true moments or whatever. Oh, you had a peeve, you said. Such a great way to put it. Oh, that's your peeve. That's my real peeve.

There's a moment where this kid is like trying to flirt with this chick and just there's a moment where he just reaches over and like touches her finger. It just brought me back to like high school and college of like getting that just touch or when your knee touches another knee. It's electric. It's a well-known director, right?

Yeah. Paul Thomas Anderson. Paul Thomas Anderson. He just fucking nailed that moment so hard. Are you a big fan of his movies? No, but I know this guy. He hasn't let me down. I haven't seen all his shit.

Of course I'll go. I never saw The Master. I know that's a big one. Oh, it's fun. Tarantino's top five movie boogie nights that's tarantino's incredible ever ever that's an entertaining with it's a great movie they're friends the way comics are friends like uh tarantino loves paul thomas no he's amazing paul thomas took a shit on tarantino's bed huh Paul Thomas Anderson took a shit on Tarantino's bed. Huh? You did a rogue in there. Like, what does that mean?

It took me a second. Oh, it can't be a complete joke. It was a genre shift. I don't know where we were. She must have been great in bed. Oh, yeah. Must have been just amazing. Yeah.

You know when you're getting to that good, you're like, this might ruin my life. I know. It's like edging, but for your life. Yeah. I love the idea of this trial you watching the trial i've been jerking off to it yeah but i like when he called her a slippery whore he has to read the text he said that yeah it was like lenny bruce where you're almost just like he's like well i didn't say it like that i didn't say it like that exactly i love

the idea that chris brown is watching this like why are we going to trial i'm gonna knock this out in the of the bedroom. You didn't even punch her? Yeah. What do you mean? What are you crazy? And Alec Baldwin's watching like wow I got off easy here. I bet Amber Heard and Johnny Depp fuck again. I don't know man. I think

if you're a real artist like Johnny Depp is and you want to live dangerously. Good point. And all his friends are like what are you doing dude? I'm like, I know, but man, she blows me like I've never been blown before. I think so, yeah. She blows me like a low-level actress

trying to become mid-level. Yeah. Yeah. I know Aquaman was well-acclaimed, but she wasn't that good. This is what I like about my lady is she'll be like, Johnny Depp,

he seems like a nice guy. She's on his side, but she's like, the accent the outfit you're from Kentucky I'm an actor and I yes we repeat this again you're not Sir Ian McKellen dude no

you're from the fucking south get out he looks like he owns a jewelry store or something you know he's got the vest on the man bun if he was a nobody and he showed up somebody Big J was saying this like what if one of those 80s comics showed up to the club now like emo phillips or something like that we're like what are you doing dude why are you talking that way if johnny best jokes oh yeah but just that vibe or like here's my thing where it wouldn't fly now if johnny depp

showed up as a young comic wearing a fucking bandana and seven scarves you'd be like fucking i mean i can't use the f word right now but like that's what would happen well it's like that uh you ever heard that dimitri martin story where mark maron's like he sees him with a skateboard he's got a long board and maron goes how old are you and dimitri goes i'm 28 he goes you got two more years with that thing which just encapsulates the whole 90s comedy vibe. That's the nicest Marc Maron ever was to someone in the 90s. Giving him two years. That's as good as it got.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, the now Maron would be like, two years too late for that. I opened for Dimitri once, and he said he had a book with him at Caroline's. It was like Patrice, Norton, all these guys. And they're like, he's got a book. And it went off on him. He's like, I don't know. I love reading on the subway.

What? I want Dimitri on this podcast. I would love to have Dimitri. Early Comedy Central, I remember watching that guy when I just started. He's amazing. God damn, he's funny. He's underrated. He's a pure joke guy.

I love him. Just all jokes. He's got a scroll of tiny little writings. Dimitri. Get the word out to Dimitri Martin. We want him on this podcast. Yes. Not as much as Tarantino. But still, we want you. No, we want Dimitri Martin we want him on this podcast yes not as much as Tarantino

but still we want you no we want Dimitri for sure he's a great joke guy he's one of us like I hung out with him in the green room he just talks like us he's normal I heard about him they said when he had that sketch show they were like he was difficult early when I started working in comedy

he was difficult he always wanted things his way and then I didn't get it until later oh no no that means he didn't get it until later. I'm like, oh, no, no. That means he didn't want to take dumb notes from some suit. Exactly. Because he's odd. He's different. He's unusual.

So I'm sure they didn't get it. Yeah, they were calling me difficult for the same thing. They were like, why are you editing this for so long? I'm like, because it's some comic story. What do you mean? I want to make sure it's good. Yeah, I bet they were just like, no, I don't want to take your dumb note on this. Yeah, I mean, you had a show.

You sat with me and let me edit and give you notes and then you edit it and then you sent it to me to see if i liked it i mean who does that yeah but you got to make it good you got to respect the car and then and then comedy such those people be like you're being difficult like no i'm just working hard to make something good yeah yeah i i keep watching these i'm such a nerd i keep watching these scorsese it was four hours now i'm on the tarantino one that one's four hours i'm two hours doc the docs these youtube docs some fan makes them and they're so dense and amazing and they all had problems they all had struggles like isn't that cool cut this out cut they oh yeah begged him to cut the ear thing out of the uh

no pun intended reservoir and they're like you gotta get rid of that that's gonna ruin the movie it's gonna ruin box office. And he's like, I need it in. When are these people going to understand? Let the artists do what they want. That's what's going to make it good. It's not your vision. It's his.

So even if your thought is better, it's not his thought. This will make people uncomfortable. That's the point. Yeah, exactly. I went into a two-year depression after Revolutionary Road. I mean, it affected me to where I was ready to kill myself. Heavy duty. I knew it would fuck me up.

Don't watch it. But I'm like, it's great because of that don't fucking nerf it but it can affect ticket sales and that's what they're saying they're not saying hey it's it's bad art it's bad whatever it's like that's gonna hurt the sales and they might be right but then don't get into the business go go do uh real estate you know i just watched as uh the girls gone wild doc the guy joe francis it's on tnt dude tnt first i know i mean they kept running the ads for it during the nba playoffs and i was like all right fuck it i'm gonna watch it and it's literally like the like it's first off it's called girls gone wild exposed which you're like all right i get already exposed yeah yeah i get it but then he Gone Wild Exposed, which you're like, all right, I get it. It's already exposed. Yeah, yeah, I get it. But then he's like, you know, he's like, turns out he was a bad person.

You're like, you don't say. Turns out the guy who tried to exchange tits for a T-shirt wasn't a wonderful human being. Teenage tits. Teenage tits. Yeah, they were underage. Well, there's a great there's a sheriff in it. He's like an old man. And God damn, I forgot where it was, where the sheriff is.

But he's like an old man and uh god damn i forgot where it was where the sheriff is but he's like an old man he's like he's like you come into my town trying to barter titties he's like you ain't gonna get out that's the best part of docs is those side weirdo characters you're like who are you why are you trying to steal the show he's clearly like trying a little too hard but it's pretty damn funny he's like you don't ever disrespect women in my town and he's like that's all i do though it's literally my job you're pretty much telling me not to come to your town oh he's i mean he's been accused of rape domestic violence he's a terrible human being terrible but but like it's pretty fascinating i mean like he's got so many celebrity friends i looked at my girls did go wild they went wild it was the right point in time for something like that perfect mom but he was making like hundreds of millions of dollars a year and then all of a sudden the internet shows up and people ain't spending 29.99 on

fucking dvds of tits now we're getting exactly anal yeah it's come on but i heard the lawyer she said you know this is like it's interesting in porn, they call the money shot, you know, the ending. We all know what the money shot is, but she's like, in this, it was the loss of innocence.

It was like when the woman, and you're like, oh shit, this is pretty dark, man. Interesting. Yeah, you want to see a normal girl

take her tits out. You don't want to see a porn star. You want to see someone who's short. That's good. That was it. I mean, Mardi Gras had that all the time,

where girls were like, take your tits out. I was like, no. Then they throw beads at her, like, oh my God, I'm 15. I may as well. It's true. I saw a lot I had that all the time. Yes. Where girls were like, take your tits. I was like, no. Then I'd throw beads at her. I was like, oh, my God, I'm 15.

I may as well. It's true. I saw a lot of tits as a kid. Yeah. I saw a lot of dicks, too. Yeah. There was dicks at Mardi Gras? That was just Catholic school.

But, no. The innocence thing is very interesting. Yeah. It's so true. The realness. Because that's really why you bought it, was the realness. Jimmy Kimmel always had that funny story back before he was a tv what do you call it late night guy he said uh the best strip club would be you go in there's a waitress in like a hoodie and jeans you know doing her thing and then you she's

got glasses on you get to know her a little bit and then she would go up and get naked that would be a way better strip club than just like the heels and the fishnets and the whole thing. Yeah, and she was like, I shouldn't. Yes, yes. That always resonated. I was like, this guy knows. There's a casualness to the nudity of strip clubs. It's unenticing to me. Yeah. Well, it becomes unspecial.

Yeah, unspecial. It's like, I want to like. I don't love it. It's just too casual and there's too many dudes around. I'm not a strip club guy. I'm not either. Hooker. For Norman's bachelor party, we're just watching movies. Hey, that sounds pretty good. We'll watch

the Vegas Hookers. Cat House? No, not Call Me Girls. Strip Girls? What is it? The stripper one with the chick from Saved by the Bell. Oh, Showgirl oh show we'll just watch that on repeat with robert loja that movie's pretty funny dude you ever see the family guy thing of robert loja no dude pull that up it's so fucking it's so dumb family guy covered everything

they covered everything it's so this is one of the dumbest things i've ever seen but it's like he fucking played along too which is like why you gotta love him was he in it he's in one of them i don't know if he's in all of them but dude first off crush it feach lamanna and the soprano oh yeah amazing here we go can you spell that for me certainly that's robert loja r as in robin loza o as in oh my god it's robertja. O as in, oh my God, it's Robert Loja. B as in, by God, that's Robert Loja. E as in, everybody loves Robert Loja. R as in, Robert Loja. T as in, Tim, look over there, it's Robert Loja.

Space. See, Family Guy will milk it. They will milk. No one else milk. Peter's so angry yeah he's getting angry he's in it though he was in one before he died

I bet that's him though that's him I bet it's him it's gotta be him I bet Family Guy is like this could work for seven different people

yeah so call Robert Lozier first tell him hey there won't be a negotiation because we have fucking I don't know

whoever is next he loves the family. Wow, look at this shit. Oh, that's great. Damn, he was great. He's in a lot of movies. He died?

He's got to be dead. He died a few years ago. He was awesome. Thank God. Oh, he loves death. No, dude, he was the fucking best. Wow. See, I saw when I was a new comic, like just moved to New York.

I was bombing a lot i was getting yelled at for being whatever offensive and i saw seth mcfarlane on some panel on some show and he was like i get bags and bags of hate mail like i should die uh cancel the show blah blah and i remember like oh this guy gets hate mail right i'm fine and no one's gonna remember anything big remember him being funny right anything big anything i'm fine and no one's gonna remember anything big remember him being funny right anything big anything i'm so sick of it's almost so hacky when you're like there's a backlash to so-and-so and it's like of course it doesn't matter yeah there's every single thing that's out because everyone's like weigh in weigh in and everyone's like well i don't want to weigh in

the way everybody's weighing in right so it's like what do you think of that lighter is that an extension on the lighter oh cool cool cool it's like well some people are saying it doesn't fit. It's like, well, some people are saying it doesn't fit in your pocket as much. A lot of people are saying it doesn't fit in your pocket. You're right. They have to focus on the negatives. Any stand-up writer, any comedy writer, I'm not talking about writing actual stand-up, writing about stand-up. They're only paid to shit on things.

Yeah. They're not paid to be like, this guy did great charity. I saw the newest thing now is a podcast critic, Johnith i'm like podcast critic we're sitting around talking about bullshit on microphones while drinking and you know it's not going to be a real critique going like i think it's like 20 minutes to get started this way yeah but critics are only you have to look at this way they're only going to get if they shit on you you're only going to get more less you're getting bigger you're not losing listeners out of that yeah Yeah. I guess so, but I'm still a sensitive queef where I'm like, oh, maybe I am boring. Let them complain.

Let them complain. They bow at our feet. We're free and they're not. Ari says, I'm the longest blue socks I've ever seen. Look how free I am. That is a free man right there. These were free gifts. No, they look comfy.

I love a comfy sock. They're from Emily at the stand. I got comfy socks on myself here. I love them. I gave her tickets to, I think, Outside Lands or something. I bought her two tickets because she took so many. I saw the Who there. Whoa.

You saw Who there? Yeah. Who? The Who. Wow. She took all these death threats after one of my many fucking e-rages. I think the Kobe one one but it might be a different one and she's and people just kept calling she's answering the phones like i'll

fucking kill you i'm gonna bomb that place and i'm like emily i'm really sorry you had to do that take two tickets to a fucking there you go good man wait speaking of things you like what about a peeve i got a peeve hit me so i my building required that we get locks changed for whatever reason i don't know why then you do it building well they did it they they paid for it okay but i i the guy comes by and you know comes by like an hour and a half late whatever i mean i'm annoyed because i had to come here but it's a lot comes by late and then he and then uh i go hey man i'm sorry you were late i gotta hop in the shower and he goes enjoy well guess what, guess what? Now I won't. Now I'm going to enjoy it. Now I'm going to be in the shower like, yes.

Yes. This is an amazing shower. Thank you. You can't jerk off with a locksmith. No. Yeah, the worst guy. Enjoy. A locksmith.

He's in your house. A smelly crack. He can get in your apartment. He was cracking me up. But I mean. Enjoy is weird. Enjoy is rough. Don't tell me to enjoy.

First off, I would never think of even enjoying the shower. You just shower. It's the thing you got to do. There's a couple things you can't say enjoy to. Yeah. And showering is one. Also, it's like something that's like, I'm already going to do this regardless. I wasn't going to not enjoy it, and now I will.

Yes. You know, I just saw Speed for the first time. One of the best movies ever. A night or two ago. Great movie. And he's going into- Did you like it? Yeah, it was great.

Also on TV. It might be the best action movie ever. It was great. But he loses his partner- Oh, easy. I don't know. 40 minutes ago, and then he's falling in love. Like, everything's going to be great.

Yeah. Like, your partner just died. I know, but tell me a better action movie. It's great. It's up there. It's nonstop. But also, there's this moment- That's amazing.

Where he's going into the house or going into under the car or something like that. And I forget who's inside that. Jeff Daniels has him, or he says, Jeff knows, be careful. And it's like,

I mean, I'm going to disarm a bomb. I was already going to be as careful. Yeah. Right. It wasn't careful enough. Thanks for telling me. Yeah.

Enjoy. Fuck that guy. Enjoy. No, it was, I mean, it was kind of funny. I hope he dies. Pop quiz. Oh, dude. Fuck that guy. No, I mean, it was kind of funny. No, I hope he dies.

Pop quiz, hot shot. Oh, dude, Dennis Hopper? Come on. Hot shot, yeah. That's what I'm saying. Speed is fucking awesome. You got a great villain. Dennis Hopper fires through the roof 10 times.

It can't hit anybody. Yeah, right, right. And then he's like, I'll just go fight this guy on top of a train. So it makes you realize how cool Keanu's been forever. I know. He looks so young in it. And so did, what name bullock andrew bullock she's awesome what a tomcat she all wildcat yes yeah she was great that was a great that's a great blockbuster action popcorn i'm seeing it because it's like 30 years ago so i'm seeing it with now looking back and everything's so dumb and it's like sam Sam, wait for the bus.

And I'm like, what do you get the bus at exactly the same time every day? Yeah. There's more than one bus driver in this route. So if you're 10 minutes late, how do you know your bus driver? Right. Well, it's a different time. It's the 90s. I will say it feels like we're making a shift to foreign films because there's less annoying bullshit. There's less like the worst person in the world no spoiler it's just a bunch of white people well they're

norwegian they're trying to get on jay-z for like they're like oh your factory has only white people and he's like it's in norway there's no line in the movie no no this is real actual life that came after him because like look at you taking a picture with all your employees at this factory and he goes it's my european it's norway wow they're giving a black guy shit about white work i mean it's but it's like they're looking glass exactly but like uh yeah foreign films because if you make it like a 70s cop movie here you couldn't do it with the level of racism they actually had they have right you couldn't show it real right they'd have to be completely independent and then even if you try to sell it, they'd be like, no.

Even when they remade the Sopranos movie, I thought the racism felt so forced. I agree. It felt kind of like, you know, like in the Sopranos, the racism felt like real. Yes. And then you're watching it in the Many Saints of Newark and you're like, how is this earlier? And it feels more buttoned up. Yeah. Good point.

How is this in the 70s? And still you're like wait what one of the first ones I saw was the comedy store show whatever it's called so I'm dying up here yes and it was like right during me too between season like two and season three and they just started making all these women like

really powerful characters in like the late 70s yeah no well they did that in the Aaron Sorkin uh I Love Lucy movie uh the Ricardo oh it's awful I didn't watch it there's this literally one of the first scenes is a female writer tells the show the Jess Oppenheimer whatever his name is the showrunner like like shut up and it's like yeah that's that's what happened in the showroom you would got in a res that's what happened in the 50s right Right. Back of my hand.

I mean, it's like, I get that it's all about empowerment and stuff, but you're either making an accurate movie or you're making revisionist history. Make it in the future. Yeah. And also, Lucille Ball killed it, was amazing, changed the game. She was the one. She was the biggest- The golden star, yeah.

Yeah, star on the planet with this TV show about her. That's enough. She made it. That's the movie. Yeah, that's the powerful female character. Yeah, star on the planet with this TV show about her. Like, that's enough. She made it. That's the movie. Yeah, that's the powerful female character. Yeah, exactly. Just doing it. Which is also what a lot of feminism is and what a lot of, like, race.

Like, any Latino comic, when I started, was like, you own your own car? You're a fucking superstar. Oh, wow. You don't have to be empowering or anything like that. Like, Paul Rodriguez and mencia and like and like uh sodo the percent i see you would see what car you were driving he would take it but it was just like you're doing it so that's your empowerment feminism it's like you're doing it that is feminism that's it and then it's weird that a lot of people you know it's like whitey

sucks but like they'll they'll uh act like the white guy you know they're like i want to be the ceo and wear the suit and everything you're like i thought you hated that yeah we invented that well i don't get i don't get yeah i mean it was just a different time just make it you don't have to make it through today's lens that's not well roseanne was like yes i'm gonna be a housewife great show maybe i'll get a job at a fucking diner or factory these were my midwestern possibilities that show felt very honest to people i think that's why it was so groundbreaking motorcycle repair shop same with children same shit it was the same time it was like well this i'm a shoe salesman i don't have everything every time he walked in he would go uh a fat lady came

into the shoe store today applause break yeah. Yeah. That was an applause break. I know, I know. Let's rock. Because it was like fucking like my life sucks. And people liked, they found that funny. Yes. He was the lowest scum of the earth. So when he had a win, you went nuts.

Yeah, his wife was just trying to get him to fuck her. I know. And she was way too hot for him. Way too hot. And he was still like, ugh. Yeah. And all he did was reminisce about his four touchdowns in one game. That was great.

We can all relate to this. I mean, we can all relate to be like, those were the days. I heard John Hughes was doing a movie before he died. He's writing it about all his characters from his other movies where they are now. And the one that I remember, the nerd from Sixteen Candles was like some CEO somewhere, but the best was Ferris Bueller with some dumb mid-level manager who's still talking about that one day he had where he took off

school and he went on the parade and he almost saw his dad. He's still talking about it. That was his one moment. Well, that's interesting because that show... Norman's favorite, by the way. Love that movie. It was great. You say the Married with Children thing is an interesting point because it was a very lowbrow show. But it was kind of sophisticated in the same way of All in the Family.

Whereas you got this protagonist. He's a loser. He's a shoe salesman. He's a balding piece of shit, whatever, flawed, hates his wife. But you knew that. And so everything else was it was all punching up because he was the loser he's a loser his son's a loser yes daughter's a slut yeah i mean this is like he has not won at all his last good day was fucking senior year of high school exactly happened to find four holes in the fucking line and went for it. Yes. But it's the same with Archie Bunker. Like, he was racist.

He was sexist. He was misogynist. He was doing the best he could as a raised racist. Yes. He had a fucking dry cleaner friend. And he was the punchline. Archie Bunker, man. But you couldn't do that now because they'd go, well, he's a racist.

You're like, I know, but that's the joke. He sucks. I know. The joke is, but people are too literal. Yeah, but now if that was the show, that would be the whole show. That would be the whole show. They're like, this guy's racist. Instead of it being a small part of like, I mean, we've talked about this before, but

as good as it gets, like, I rewatch it. I'll be like, oh yeah, I forgot Nicholson just is like shitting on Jews. Demuting women. Oh, Jews. He's like, look at these noses. You're like, you know, and you're like, oh shit, I forgot. If they remade this, it was just, he was just shitty in every way. That was the point of Nicholson's character.

He was shitty. Yeah, you're right. The women, one of the greatest lines. Just write. Yeah, that's a great line. How do you write women so well? I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability. That's a great line.

I mean, it's the best. It won Best Picture, for Christ's sakes. Did it? Yeah. No, I think Titanic won that. He won, though, and so did shit. He won. Maybe Best Free Play.

What are the ones that should have won and that makes you angry that it didn't? Did it? Yeah. No, I think Titanic won. He won, though. He won. Maybe best of three play. What are the ones that should have won and that makes you angry that it didn't? L.A. Confidential's up there. Lost to what? I think Shakespeare in Love. Lame. It wasn't bad. It was good.

Oh, wow. Pulp Fiction lost to the fucking Zemeckis one. Forrest Gump. Forrest Gump. Everything lost to Forrest Gump. Great. Forrest Gump was good, but Pulp Fiction. I think Forrest Gump is over Gump everything which is like great Forrest Gump was good but Pulp Fiction I think Forrest Gump

is overrated obviously did Fargo win Best Picture man here's one In the Bedroom one of my favorite movies of all time

that's a great Marissa Tomei great deep dark lost to Beautiful Mind that's something

I threw a drink down at because I was so mad at it okay it did win Best Picture oh good that's a win Fargo was because I was so mad at it. Okay, it did win Best Picture. Oh, good. That's a win. Fargo is amazing. Fargo is dope.

Francis McDormand killed it. Yeah. Wait, what? Did we get a... We got a peeve. Yeah, yeah. I got to do a peeve. You did a peeve.

You yelled a peeve. Sorry, I was worked up. I like it. I was worked up. I like the fact that we might be... Listeners are going to like that one, too. The listeners should like it. Because, fuck, come on.

These are good good ass drinks. This is my last drink for a while. And the reason I'm doing is because I'm like, oh, obviously I'm going to drink on it. We might be drunk. Hell yeah. Obviously I'm drinking. But these are good ass Boulevardiers. Dude.

Very good. I planned on old pals, but we called an audible and these kind of worked out pretty damn well. I like the idea of like, we're going for a drink. Let's just do it. Like when we had Godfathers at my house and it was was like we're going for one drink and we're fucking doing it that was listen that was great another godfather another what is if you haven't listened to that episode me and norman did ari's pod skeptic tank uh and that was fun as hell it's over 100k i checked really yes killing it yeah was it best Picture? Which one, Matt? As Good As It Gets? What, the Skeptic Tank we were on?

No, it was Titanic, dude. That was Good Will Hunting. You can't beat Titanic. That I'll understand. Best Actor, Best Actress. Yeah, and it was James L. Brooks fucking rules. Oh, yeah, he's Great Simpsons. Fuck him.

Oh, Nicholson won. Oh, LA Confidential, that was a stacked year. Oh, Titanic, you a stacked year Robin Williams Kim Basinger was smoking hot in that movie So hot So hot Damn Wait what won best movie?

Titanic No best film editing No I know We don't have best picture up here But Titanic We all remember Titanic won But I mean It did win

Boogie Nights LA Confidential Good Will Hunting Wow That's a stacked movie year, dude. Movies suck now. Or American movies suck, I should say. Other people have caught up.

We restrained ours too much. Yes. It's like Taxi Driver. Man in Black that year, too. It's like, well, now here's Uber. Here's the Norwegian film called fucking Worst Woman in the World. And Taxi Driver. Great movie.

Will Smith was at that Oscars, too. He didn't slap anybody. Didn't slap anyone. It was the least slappable Oscars. Damn, what else? Men in Black. That was a fun movie. Men in Black's great.

Oh, yeah. Good times. The first one's incredible. Dude, so he's banned from the Oscars for 10 years. What if he wins another one in like eight years when everyone has forgiven him? He could win. He could. He's going to accept this from his house or are they going to be like, just come, you're

won. Nobody cares anymore. I don't think he's going to win one. I don't think he's going to win one. I think what he did was horrible. I think what Roman Polanski did was worse. A bit. Yeah, a bit.

Both banned. I think what he did was fucking gross. There's no way one of those 12-year-old girls, Roman Polanski, like, shuffling to go, what? I just got raped by Roman Polanski. Dude, another huge wreck. This is the greatest night Oscars in the world. Check out the book, The The Big Goodbye by Sam Watson.

It's all about Polanski and Nicholson and the making of Chinatown. It's one of the best movie books ever made. Really? Check it out. The Big Goodbye. Pull up a picture. I love that behind the scenes shit. It's phenomenal.

It'll make you think Nicholson's pretty fucking cool too. He was great in Easy Rider. Look at that cover. It's better. Easy Rider. That was his breakout. I saw that. That was a pinhead movie for me. They didn't want. It's better. Easy Rider. That was his breakout. I saw that. That was a pinhead movie for me.

They didn't want him in it either, apparently. Really? Yeah, I think Dennis Hopper wanted someone else, and then he was like, no, he killed it. Later, he's like, yeah, he killed it. Yeah, because he was still a newish guy then. He was great as a straight-edge guy who had to be killed because he was the barrier between the hippies and the regular. Yes.

All right, here's my peeve. Yes, sorry. I got two little ones that maybe will add up to a big one okay one the guy who puts blacks the guy who puts uh uh there's like multi like limited chairs in a room and the guy who puts his stuff on a chair takes up a whole chair with his bag his jacket is not allowed not allowed i don't know who opened for norman last weekend but we all know this was in a green room it was how dare you want your space in a tight room what's wrong off put your bag on the floor or put it on your

lap on your floor absolutely not you can't do it a movie theater this is someone's seat yeah i'll take it a step further subway oh the bag on the seat subway person deserves to be shot in the face how come the subway shooter should just be going after that person yes exactly that's what the big thing with man spreading was a big thing and then they go what about there was some pushback what about these women who put their purses taking up of the seat you're taking up two seats like this what about these purses uh-huh same. You just want your space. Woman spreading. Woman spreading. Bitch spread. The worst sandwich kind of bitch spread.

Went to a Jewish deli and got some bitch spread. It tastes like warm tuna. That's one. That's one. At Edinburgh, I had a pack show. We let as many people as we could oversold it. People putting their shit down. It was like, hey, their shit down it was like hey we have no room like we have no

room someone's gonna sit in this room and watch move your fucking thing I know and they always go like oh you're the good guy here I'm the bad guy it's the people who show up early enough before it gets packed where you think like oh cool I have my space like dude more people are coming yeah that's a good pet peeve

alright so that was one i would just who the guy i know who's who he is but i would just move the bag and put it on the floor and sit down i'm like i'm sitting here wow there's three chairs in this motherfucker i played a club once and i'm not gonna trash the club because i love the club but there was a guy who was like my dog is in there i go on the couch there'd be a dog a giant dog spread all over the couch i'd be like the green room yeah like no i don't know do i sit on the dog i'll sit on the floor i'll sit on the floor and curl up yeah at your feet because i'm a dog yeah put some newspaper down and i'll lay on the floor on the floor that the owner of the dog needs to step in there and go hey sorry about uh roxy it was a cute dog but yeah we need it we need some space wow the old beater's cute too all right i love these i put him on some newspapers the same thing where they're

like sorry my kid's screaming it's like yeah get it out of here yeah having dinner get your fucking kid out of here or i love pees this is a here's my rec have more pees it's venting yeah it it gets out some of that fucking anger you're fucking you're like you're venting about bullshit and you feel better have you had any peeves the rest the other two of you guys go of course yeah occasionally we both push back on each other occasionally but for the most part we're both that

that's the most New York shit is just complaining and being like yeah here's one but then also being like life is good here's one yes yeah life is good life is good but it's fun to do this. So I have a bunch of text threads with my comedian friends. We all do. And you shit on other comedian friends.

Sure. And the reason you do this, Big J told me, the reason you do this is so then, let's just say we're shitting on Norman for, oh, he wears plaid so much. Fuck him. He wears plaid so much. Is it an innocuous example? The flannel boys. Yeah.

The flannel boys. Why is he always being that flannel boys group? And then when you see him, you've got it off your chest. You're like, hey, Mark, how you doing? Instead of like, oh, here he is again with another flannel. You just got to get it off your chest. Yeah, that's so true. So true.

Are we calling this episode the Boulevardier flannel boys? Boulevardier. Yeah. Do you guys have a house drink at your house? Oh, yeah. My go-to? I do. Mine is the godfather patron

what is it again it's it's amaretto a pd whiskey which we which we learned together yeah pd is the better is because it offsets the sweetness i love pd you can't have a smooth whiskey and and on like a big four-year lagavulin one of those pd scotches so that's my house drink if somebody's coming in you know if if i'm coming home or if my boyfriend's coming with some fucking third boy that he doesn't fucking know, you know, then it's like, hey, guys, how you doing? There's two godfathers to start with. There you go.

What's your drink at home, Mark? I go, I'm like you, but you guys are mixing more. I just go straight Lagavulin on the rocks, Ardbeg on the rocks, or tequila on the rocks. Ardbeg underrated. Oh, PD. rocks art bag on the rocks or tequila on the rocks art bag underrated oh pd when i when i would do the when i did uh those amy schumer gigs her brother loves art bag yes that was in the right that's where i got into it oh no you got like a book dude every barbecue i had by the way july 4th you both invited um uh view of this uh fucking fireworks um yep uh every barbecue i had

norm was like i just brought half a bottle of Lagavule. I'm like, what's this half a bottle? You know what? That's better than a full bottle of Mochito. And then we have the rest. Exactly. That's better than most full bottles. Yeah, true.

That's a good gesture. Yeah, I'm a big fan. At home, it's usually, if I have a friend over, it's usually either Manhattan, Negroni, or a Martini. And occasionally, I will just use straight whiskey but it's usually some sort of mixed cocktail cocktail feels like when you have a friend over it feels like you put more effort in that a friend over for sure i mean if i'm drinking alone i guess i could do a whiskey but if i have a friend let me mix you i'm gonna fucking my friend john weisberg lives in my neighborhood oh yeah great guy he comes over i'm like i'm gonna make you a fucking martini

with some blue cheese olives. Oh. Because that's fucking. No one's ever not been like, oh, hell yeah. Yeah, hell yeah. Right. Just hand someone a cocktail. They don't go, oh, I was hoping for something else.

They just go, thank you. That's a good host. Yeah. Right there. Yeah. What's your dream? Liquor dream. I'll tell you mine so you can get it started.

My dream is I can't do it in New York. None of space. to have a globe, an open up globe bar. You got the space for that. No, I do not. You can pull it off. Not in my new place, my old place maybe. I mean, there's something very special. I can have it in the studio room. What do you call it? Like a rolling liquor tray?

I don't know. Bar cart. Bar cart. There's something so classy. I have a bar cart. That would be cool. You have one. I bought one when I moved into my new place. I bought one There's something so class. I have a bar cart. That would be cool. You have one. I love a bar cart. And then you can bring it over. You have one? I bought one when I moved into my new place. I bought one instantly. When I move, I'm going to get one.

And then you're like, what do you want? Yeah. And it's like, well, I have each of the mixers. Yes. You have one bottle of Coca-Cola, one bottle of Sprite, and then all the, some whiskey, some vodka, some tequila. Yes. Vermouth, rye, all that shit.

And then you're ready. When they serve a Bloody Mary in that carafe, you're like, yes. Yes. Oh, I love that carafe. That's exactly what I want. That's my dream. Give me a shot of it open if you can find it. Peter, can we get?

Wow. Peters, I want that for the new studio. Yes. Can we do it? It's on sale. $100 off. What is it? My father was a drunk.

He used to beat me with a globe I hate traveling Probably because my dad Used to beat me with a globe Yeah Patel Are you getting your own studio? He's buying a new studio

So we're moving like An app This fucking homo? Yeah He owns the place Wow really? We love you Matt And we're moving

Gotham Studios soon So we're not going to be Here that much longer But we are taking The Patrick Ewing cutout with us. I know you're all wondering. Taking it all with us. He's got movers, thank God. And we're going to, yeah, send all this shit to a block away.

Wow, that's awesome. I'm pumped. It's going to be great. I do love the globe. I like the globe. Yeah, that's a nice touch. For a corner like right in here or like, I don't know, just it looks cool closed. We have two seats and we've also never had double guests and we might have to start doing double guests every once in a while.

Let's do it. I mean, I'm seeing double, but yeah. Well, here's my other peeve. Another quickie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Second. And this might be a New York thing only, but. I got one.

Walking down the big sidewalk. Every now and then you're on a big sidewalk. It's wide. And you get the family that's doing the full build that wall. Build the wall. I hate to build the wall because they're always going two miles an hour. They're looking up at the Empire State. They're staring up.

Doubles. Yeah, the buildings. Three rows of two, not one row of six. Yes. Now you're walking in traffic. You're risking getting hit by a fucking disgruntled driver. Yes. Just because these people can't spread it out.

I'm doing Red Rover out here. Yep, yep. My peeve, another peeve is that with someone walking too close behind you, it's pass. Just pass. Especially with us because we say horrific things. Pass. Pass. Passing lane.

Here's another thing about the Mexicans. Oh, hey. Yeah, exactly. They're on you. And they all got phones now. They can record you. Oh, hey. Yeah, exactly.

They're on you. And they all got phones now. They can record you. There was me and Joe List, a popular comedian from New York. Never heard of him. And Mark Norman, another guy with a pop cuss about drinking. We were all walking. We saw Ghost, one of the worst movies of all time. Oh, so bad.

Is that the name? Is it a bad movie, Ghost? I don't know. You're thinking it's Ghost World? Ghost Story? Ghost Story. It's Casey Affleck for 98% of the film. Ghost is with Whoopi Goldberg and Patrick Swayze.

Kate Rooney. Yeah. Kate Mara. Something Rooney. He wore just a regular ghost costume. Yeah, very pretty. Oh, it's terrible. So bad.

So bad. Eating ice cream. Some lady behind us is trying to pass us. We're eating ice cream. We're literally strolling. Yeah. And she goes, Oh, yeah.

I forgot about that. We immediately just ripped into her. Like, oh, yeah. This lady's got busy to get a heart attack. She can't fucking wait two seconds. She passed the wrong people. We just started ripping into her immediately. Oh, I forgot about that. We saw a bad movie.

We got ice cream. We got friends. Yeah. We were ready to go. Oh. That movie sucked. Sucked. I wanted to like it.

And the reviews were all like wow I hate when that happens hey critics step it up I'm sick of these 95% Rotten Tomatoes movies with 40% audience scores I'll tell you something I was telling you I was talking about look at that difference that's a fucking Chappelle movie

I was talking to someone the other day I said oh you know what's a pretty funny movie is Grandma's Boy I said it's a funny movie what's a pretty funny movie? It's Grandma's Boy. I said it's a funny movie. I look it up. 15% on Rotten Tomatoes. Guess what the audience score is. 87.

85. That's a fucked up difference. How about this? Freddy Got Fingered. I love Freddy Got Fingered. Panda's one of the worst movies of all time. Saw it. The scene where he's having a deep discussion with his father.

Rip torn. Yeah, about trying to go make it. Who's one of the funniest human beings ever. 56. Well, that's a big jump. Big jump. But still bad. He's having a talk with his dad, a really meaningful.

And then he's like, I'm going to make it. Go make it, son. I'm going to make it. Yeah. You go make it. Six versus 11. If it's a if it's a 45 plus point difference, that's massive. Also, these are parents going on there and going, hey, my son watched this.

It was a little much. No kids are watching that and going to play hockey. I saw it opening day in the movie theater with two of my friends. We were the only three people in the movie theater. No. Dang. Hey, can I tell you, I was in the worst rated film of all time. Catwoman?

No. That's funny. Geely? Jersey Girl? It was a Vince. god damn that watch sorry this is my directed we did more amazing racist stuff because he wanted to it was it was inappropriate comedy you say vince scully vince schlomi the shamwow guy oh it was like hey do you want to do more stuff no you just got his tongue bit off by a hooker and i was like sure we can do. He just got his tongue bit off by a hooker. He's still fine.

And I was like, sure, we can do it. It'll be fine. How much of his tongue is he missing? Quarter. Damn. Can he still do the pod? Can he be a guest? He should be a guest.

I was trying to get him. Did he wipe up the blood with a ShamWow? Hey, and Charlie Sheen, the offer is still out there. We want you on the pod. We're big fans. Charlie, have a drink with us. We'll either have beer, beer jew or i'll fucking make i'm a decent bartender we can make some tiger blood baby charlie sheen yeah do coke yeah if

he wants to coke you do coke mark's never done it you've ever done it with charlie sheen i would do it i'm not doing that's a snoop dog that's a snoop dog of a blunt yes yeah he's a snoop dog of coconuts you got real ones all right so what was your story what was it tom green freddy got fingered oh maybe that was the end of it there's just the worst rated movie of all time inappropriate comedy tom green should come on here man i love tom oh he's a sweet guy i love that inappropriate 2013 oh you're in this look up the rating look look i was with there you are oscar award award winner Adrian Brody and me. We're in a film together. Wow. That cast has range.

Adrian Brody and Rob Schneider. 2.7 out of 10. Wow. Zero percent. Well done. Well done. Audience scored 22%. I'm pretty close to the critics.

Zero percent. Oh, man. That's impressive. Good for you. Horrible watch. I will not watch again. Actually, it buys against watching. That's a badge of honor. All right. We got to wrap this up. that's impressive good for you horrible watch I will not watch again actually advise against watching

that's a badge of honor alright we gotta wrap this up we've been here four hours first off Ari's taping a special at Skirball no not at Skirball where is it

they wouldn't have me back fuck Skirball where is it it's at the Roulette Intermedium where a great comic named Sam Murill

once taped a special which I was at so did Chris DeStefano so Gary Goldman a lot of good specials oh really Gary taped a great comic named Sam Murill once taped a special which I was at. So did Chris DeStefano so Gary Goldman a lot of good specials Gary taped The Great Depression there Chris taped Size 38 Waste there Sam Murill taped Positive Influence Ari was there that night I met a lot of people there

definitely dude I've seen this show I haven't seen in a while because it's been the pandemic but it's called Jew it's called Jew it It's called Jew. It's all about you growing up as a Jew. Yeah. And what Judaism is and stuff like that. But honestly, it's just a club funny special.

It's a lot of fun, though. And it's a very unique story. And you really should go see this roulette. What's the date? June 11th and 12th, Saturday and Sunday. There it is. Beautiful. I am. It's a great venue in Brooklyn.

What? Great venue. Great venue in Brooklyn. Yeah what great venue great venue in brooklyn yeah in borham hills yeah when you say brooklyn it's like that could mean anything i know it's right by atlantic avenue it's right by the barclays center it's like two blocks from the barclays center it's like right in the heart of it you're you're gonna be fine it's a great kevin durant will be there so we'll hire you i've seen they're out of the playoffs i've seen nuggets of this special throughout you know at the cellar atar, at the Stand, at New York, whatever it is. The chicken swinging the neck.

A lot of weird stories. Legitimately, what I say is, it was like, same thing with the stories, where I'm like, this has to, for myself, this has to be club funny. For sure. So, like, when I was doing the stories in LA, I'm like, I have to be able to follow Bobby Lee with this stuff. Sure. And what I say here is, like, these bits have to be able to follow Mark Normand. Yeah.

If they can't follow Mark Normand, then it's like, then it's not good enough. For sure. So it's like, I forget the theme. It's got to just blend in in a show where you don't notice it.

Look, that was funny too. That's good. In 15 minute charts. It's important to do your stories at a comedy club as well. Yes. Because these one person shows can get a little indulgent and slower.

Because people are with you no matter what. I saw Birbiglia going after me at the cell last night. I'm like, I think it's cool that Birbiglia does cellar spots. And he's doing one-man show stuff too. I think it's very cool. Can you sway them into your point of view when they're like, I want jokes. Like, I will give you jokes.

It will be also something else. It's a different thing. And it is a harder thing to do in a club. Yeah, but you can do it. You just thing to do in a club yeah but you can do it yeah you just have to do it it is you're right it is harder doing a 15 minute set in particular yeah so good on you for doing it so i'm taping it june 11th and 12th this is my last day drinking i'm gonna keep going hard today i want to look good for it so you're gonna look great man thank you and just change your face yeah adrian will open for me on Sunday. Good luck.

She's doing Denver on the Saturday. Oh, I love Adrian. Any other road gigs already coming up? Yeah, I got Jacksonville with Adrian, Caitlin Palufo in Louisville. Nice. That's a fun weekend. And Buffalo's. That'll be done.

But like Kansas City with DeVito. Nice. And I'm doing a residency all the Jew hour in Austin Memorial Day week. I don't know, man. All right. Chicago the day after Mark Norman, June 18th. Oh. And Minneapolis the day before Mark Norman.

Are we flip-flopping there? At the Pantages? Yeah. Yeah. Are we flip-flopping? I guess so. We had a lot of crossover. Come see both of us.

Come see both of us. Why not? Do two nights of comedy. Make your own personal Edinburgh. And some Goy. We'll mix it up. And Tampa. Are we out of the third show? I think so. crossover come see both of us why not do two nights of comedy make some jew and some goy we'll mix it up and tampa have we added a third show i think so great they're both sold out yeah yeah that's gonna be a wild wild night wild weekend be a part of it say hello be a part of it it's gonna be great have you guys started taking standard for granted yet or not no i love

it i love it i'm very gracious i mean after the pandemic, I think we sent everybody back. I don't know when this comes out, but we got East Providence, Rhode Island. You're taping your special the same way that I am, Santa Meryl. But it's in a different city. Different city. In Chicago and New York. Chicago. I can't wait.

But Dan, we're going to have a lot of fun. Are you taping three nights? Yeah. You're taping three nights? Three nights. Why not? Smart. What?

1-2-2? Or 2-2-2? 2-2-2. Wow, good for you. Tampa, Cleveland, Houston, West Palm, Dania Beach, Buffalo, all that shit. You're going to San Jose. You're going to see me soon. So I'm adding dates.

I forget to put them on my site, but a lot's coming. That first drink after the second show, the third night. Woo. That's going to be nice. Oh, I'm going to be fucking lit up, buddy. Okay, let me give you a suggestion. Please. Because I'm doing this. I love up. OK, let me give you a suggestion, please. I'm doing this.

I love my favorite scotch. Is this Kaulale? Oh, yeah. I've had that before. Oh, yeah, we had it. Kaulale. Ten, I think. I bought an 18 year to have after my special where it was like I had to order from Scotland.

It was like 250 bucks. And I'm like, I'm going to have this as a reward for get yourself a fucking fine liquor. I'm going to do it. To have with you and your friends and whoever's there. Wow. The same way Robert Kelly. Gary Vee is going to be back in the wagon. Exactly.

Robert Kelly brought a box of cigars for Joe List's wedding. And he goes, it doesn't matter if you take two puffs. Have a fucking nice cigar. That's a good call. Wow. I love it. Love Bobby. Wait, when is your matter if you take two puffs. Have a fucking nice cigar. That's a good call. Wow. I love it. Love Bobby. Wait, when is your special?

June 11th and 12th in New York, Brooklyn, New York. Ah, damn. I want to be there. Sunday is the second day. I'll be there. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to try. If I'm back, I'm going to definitely come to that.

Nice. I would love to have you guys. I'll tell you this. We all went to Vecchione's special. Oh, yeah. Because we were there. Me, Sam, Shane, Big Jay. The great Mike Vecchione. all went to um becky own special oh yeah because we were there me sam shane big j uh uh the great mike becky on jessian gillis look out for the look at one of all of our favorite josh adam

meyer it was just like a bunch of comics and nate had his own personal bus out front he goes go on there drink and it was just such a fun hangout. Oh, the best. And we got done with the first show. We all fuck it, you know. It was just like, it was like when you get passed. Yes. It was like that. We're like, way to go. We did it. I love him, man.

Beck is so underrated. Yeah, and so it was just like me and Shane went in there and tried to like not get too drunk to like heckle. Yeah. You know, for the second show, but it was just like, it's a fun, friendly environment. You fuck up your friend's night. Yeah.

Same thing with Michelle's special at the Skirball. It was like, i like when everybody's there he didn't yeah zany's in nashville oh beautiful mike vecchione one of my favorite jokes of all time where he goes uh i started to be a private detective online and they just took my money and i thought either i just got ripped off or this is my first case ah brilliant great mike vecchione he's good joke he had a great joke where i'm gonna butcher this i've been drinking but he goes i went to a vending machine to buy condoms and they got stuck. So I started shaking the machine.

He's like, maybe I shouldn't have a kid. And he says it better. Here's another one too, where he goes, you know, I saw a vending machine for condoms and aspirin. Now she's got no excuse. Oh, no headache. No excuse. Yeah, great joke.

Wow. All right. I'm in Huntsville, Alabama at Stand Up Live. Minneapolis, Pantages. Come see me, not Ari. Chicago at the Vic. Cleveland, Ohio at the Agora. Oh, wow.

Some Burt dates, whatever that is. That's where Burt takes a special at the Agora in Cleveland. It's selling horribly. Mark's making the move. We'll see. It's so funny to see Mark Norman at the Chappelle movie in Madison Square Garden. He didn't see it. He came afterwards.

Yeah. You can cut any of this out you want. Uh-oh. But we're there. Somebody goes, hey, Mark, what did you think of the movie? He didn't see the movie. He just came with Che afterwards. Che was like, hey, we're going to the after party.

You want to come? He's like, oh, sure. He goes, Mark, what did you think of the movie? He goes, a little self-serving, but a little self-indulgent, but overall good. And the guy's like, yeah, you're not wrong. And then the guy left, and I was like, you didn't see it though, right? He goes, I'm just guessing. But anyway, the point

is, Mark Norman's making the jump now, the same as Sam Morrill. It's crazy to see you guys make this jump. It's crazy to see you make the guys. It's like, it's not that I don't believe it. Same as Sebastian. It's like, I know you from the guy who worked at the Four Seasons. Sure, sure.

So it's like, it's so fucking epic to see the jump of like. It's real. Top comic in the world. It's very strange. It's cool. We'll be back. We'll be back. I remember opening for Jim Jefferies in 2011.

And Jim sold out every show at Caroline's, and he goes, well, see this place in the way back down. Oh, my God. That sums it all up right there. Houston Improv Comedy Club, Red Bank, New Jersey, LOL in San Antonio, and all kinds of fun stuff. MarkNormanComedy.com. We love you. Keep listening.

WeMightBeDrunkPod.com, Patreon. listening. WeMightBeDrunkPod.com. Patreon.com slash WeMightBeDrunkPod. Great guest. You sell these glasses? We sell these glasses on the website. WeMightBeDrunkPod.com. Gotham Studios. We love you, Matt.

Yes. Ari, go to that special if you're in New York. It's going to be awesome. It's going to be so cool. Don't fuck up. Go to that special. Great episode. Yes. Flew by. We did what? Two hours, Matt? Easy. awesome it's gonna be so cool don't fuck up go to that special great episode yes flew by we did what two hours man easy how it's normal an hour not two hours change yeah i love these ones where

we all got some chemistry of like real people i know we can chill and drink and talk and relax and be ourselves but that's gonna be a great special even if you're not jewish go see it no seriously no matter what it's gonna be fun so let even if you're not jewish go see it no seriously no matter what it's gonna be fun so let's train each other and skeptic tanks skeptic tank check out the pod and get on the patreon get a shirt get a glass get a drink get a get a get a life i'm bobbed already on two drinks i know they were huge i made huge drinks make another sunday's the day for my next bender. I've read a fever wreck, you know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking pump. And I get down in the same way.

Up on the roof like a cop's coming, and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way. We might be true.