We Might Be Drunk - Ep 80: Bodega Cat Revealed

Episode Date: June 20, 2022

Back in the studio after a long break.  The reveal of Bodega Cat and a lot of great catching up. Join us on Patreon at http://Patreon.com/WeMightBeDrunkPod Merch at http://WeMightBeDrunkPod.com Support the show and get 10% off your first month of online therapy at http://BetterHelp.com/Drunk Support the show and get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code DRUNK at http://Manscaped.com Support the show and learn how to win up to $100 in stock when you open an account at SoFi.com/DRUNK Support the show and get 3 months free by visiting http://ExpressVPN.com/Drenched      

Hey, hey, folks! Whoa! This is it! The new studio! Holy hell! We're here! We're queer! It's loaded up for bear!

I mean, this is very... This table is bigger than my dad's asshole. Look at this thing. Your dad's asshole is huge. Huge, and it tastes great. He's got a gaping hole. Oh, yeah. Especially after I'm done with him.

All right, we're starting off hot. We haven't wasted any time in this new studio. Yeah. Remember anal poppers? What happened to those? Anal poppers? I feel like I heard about anal poppers every 20 minutes in the 80s. The worst kid's candy ever.

Yeah, they pop in your mouth. Remember, what was it? Pop rocks. Pop rocks, yes. The whole thing is you put them in the soda. That was the whole thing. Yeah, and then you feel like you're dying or something. I hated it.

I was never a pop rocks kid. Me neither. It was the heroin of candy. It was too much. If you did that as a kid, you're a big Red Bull drinker as an adult. Yes. That's like the type of, you're like, all right. That's true.

We're coffee guys. If I see a guy drink a Red Bull i'm like all right whatever but if i see a guy drink a rock star i immediately lose respect for you really i'm just gonna come out and say it i'm sorry and if i see you with an amp it's over you ever seen amp drink i think that came and went and then there was this the white can of rock star is the whitest trash thing I've ever seen. What's the difference between the white and the black? Well, there's a few. The black can is bigger.

No, the white one, I don't know. I always see it in guys' trucks and shit. Toothless guys have the white can. Maybe it's a racial thing. I don't know. But there it is. Dude, I haven't seen you forever, man. Oh, yeah.

It's good to be back. We backlogged a few in that old studio because of the move. And here we are. Salamanca. Hey. Good to see you there. Good to be back. I had a long weekend, so we're doing vodka sodas here. Taking it easy.

Taking it easy. Big. I mean, I've been to Europe. You've recorded stuff. We've been on the road. Lots happening. And we got a shout out to Peters for just killing the studio. Killed the studio, man. Unbelievable. Looks great. Well done. Love the look. Yeah, I've been everywhere. I mean, we were in LA together. That was pretty epic.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Jeez. I forgot about that. So much time has passed. Yeah, we got overpriced sushi. Yeah. And then... Not a big fan of this is it pronounced omakase i don't even know what that is i think it's omicron omicron we got omicron sushi it was horrible give me the chills shit myself you guys are burying the lead sam was on david letterman

yeah oh that's why of course i saw it live i got some no, it was awesome. Mark was there just hanging with me. It's funny. I see other comics there. They've got like 20 friends. I literally have my agent and Mark. Everyone else has like this whole crew. I'm like, this is my crew. I got Norman and Berkowitz as my two.

But, you know, Mark was there like taking my mind off it before, putting me at ease, whatever. And then he had to go host a show so i don't realize mark is at the late tape until i get a text and he texts me one of my lines and i was like oh that's pretty cool yeah you know but uh pretty amazing pretty surreal watching you guys in the same couch talking oh yeah of course you got to plug this well done look at this legend did you ever think you would see this this video and in history this is insane well dude it's funny you know when you know how it goes when you're young you like dream about being interviewed by letterman right when you're a kid i mean i would think about game seven it's

game seven yeah i want i always wanted to and then he's off the air and you're like, that'll never happen. You know, that's just how it is. And then he was so freaking cool. Super cool. Before the show, he invited every comic who was on this to just one-on-one in his green room. And we're just chatting in his green room. I'm just talking to David Letterman. And I'm like, I don't know what vibe.

You hear stories. He can be a little prickly. You don't know know he was the warmest guy ever i literally walk i walk in he goes you know so i've watched a lot of your stuff i'm already like what wow that's insane and then he goes uh he goes you know the the rooftop thing is so resourceful like so you just kept working he was he's fascinated by social media i mean obviously he's why is he such a great interviewer is like a lot of reasons but his curiosity he's so curious so he's like you know uh yeah he was asking me stuff in the room he's like so how so i don't understand how you you know you make money off the the social medias and i was like

well you tour you make the money on tour and he's like because in his day it was all about like the sitcom and and that's how you made the money and you know i think his whole him like being like oh so you can circumvent these gatekeepers now i think he was super in into that he hates management and gatekeepers oh really yeah yeah i like that but then he but then he uh at one point was like do whatever this interview is. Like, if you want, steamroll me. Whatever it takes for you to shine. He's like, this is about you. I was like, in my head, I'm like, is he fucking with me? Am I going to get out there?

And is he going to be like, so, Sam, you're a limp dick's fuck. And I'm just like, what the hell is he going to do? That would be great if he decided, like, you know what? Fuck this. So what was up with that intern, Dave? He's like, Jesus Christ, what are you doing? No, he was, jesus christ what are you doing no he was you know the first taping you weren't at the first taping my agent nearly lost his fucking mind because i come out and i'm in tight jeans and my i guess it was like uh my phone is poking out and i go out to do my first bit it

hits pretty hard you know and they yell out i hear a voice from up top sam and i'm like is that god what the fuck who the hell's talking to me sam and everyone's like confused obviously i'm like is someone really fucking up my set right now yeah after my opener hit yeah you're gonna make me she goes there's a there's a uh a bulge in your pants i'm like thank you no she goes there's a bulge in your pants it's your phone i was like all right so i had to like riff off that she goes she says is something poking out of your pants i said yeah it's my cock and i gotta laugh thank god all right saving the moment but she goes you gotta restart the set and i'm kind of like that is comedy death well my head in my head i'm kind of like just fucking roll with it what else i mean it's already happened what can you do i get off

dave is joking around so letterman goes uh he goes, get the fuck off, like playfully, you know, get the fuck off. And then he grabs me as I'm going off. He goes, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. And I said, it's cool. And I go off and I'm like, all right. And I kind of, I do my opener again. Exact same joke.

I have to. This time it hits even harder because the crowd is fucking mad for me. Oh, that's great. So they're behind me. They're rooting for you. They're rooting for me. Oh, so they're behind me. They're rooting for you. They're rooting for me. So I was like, all right. Honestly, it might have been good that it happened in a weird way.

Damn, that is interesting. Wow. The little behind the scenes stuff. And what a cool, what a mensch to be so nice. He knows what this means. You know, when I was working with Seinfeld, he's very generous. He's very nice because he knows that you're freaking out. And that's pretty thoughtful, pretty aware. Yeah. That's nice of these older guys. with seinfeld he's very generous he's very nice because he knows that you're freaking out and

that's pretty pretty uh thoughtful pretty aware yeah that's nice but even he is like he doesn't realize how big because at one point he was like i mean what's next i'm like dude i'm talking to you i'm talking to david like this is a big moment dude you're like there was a part of you where you're like no this is this is all right yeah that was a great ending you had you were so quick on your feet you were in the zone and uh he goes uh so how you doing otherwise you good you're like how am i doing i'm on the couch with david fucking letterman and that went the place went nuts yeah i mean great way to end it so i know you're an emotional boy yeah did you yeah did you feel it at all uh yeah i mean i was you know what the thing was that was a tough weekend for me because

i was literally you know i taped two shows of that was a tough weekend for me because I was literally, you know, I taped two shows of that last night on a Friday and then the next day is when I did The Beacon. So I had to wake up at like 5 a.m. earlier. I think it was 4 a.m. What a week. To get back to New York to do The Beacon Theater that night. So I'm, the second I'm out of there, I'm like, fuck it, muscle relaxer.

I think I took it backstage. Whoa. I was like, let's let the muscle relaxer hit so I can get at least two hours. Yeah. I've walked Sam home. He was living. And then I get to the airport. I see Chris DiStefano.

Hey. And Chris and I, and Chris is like, you could do it, man. Just try to get at least two more hours of sleep on the flight. He's like amping me up to sleep. Hell yeah. And then I pass out i get up and he i just as i wake up i just see chris like yeah that's great that's so funny the idea of you taking a muscle relaxer you're you pass out on the plane sam's not waking up oh my god

cancel the bacon oh man um but very excited i mean that's a milestone. Oh, is that big? It was so cool that Mark was there with me, too. It's a good feeling, man. I was with you the next night at the Beacon. You were with me the next night. Yeah, the Beacon. Can we hear about the Beacon? I mean, I got to hear about it.

Yeah, the Beacon was insane, man. It's New York City. I mean, you perform there. It's crazy. Yeah. How many times have we walked under that marquee going to stand up new york or or whatever like oh steely dan oh carlin oh uh fish or whoever you know it's always some huge thing or paul simon yeah and then sam murill crazy crazy i mean it's uh one of the best i mean it's like

he almost can't picture a better room right it's It's like, it's epic. Especially for a New Yorker like you. Like, you grew up 10 blocks from there, maybe? Yeah, I grew up close to there. So it's pretty damn crazy. Not 10 blocks, but I mean, it would, that's a, yeah, it's the Upper West Side. It's iconic. I mean, I'd only been to one show there.

I saw the Greg Giroldo benefit there, which was like, Jesus Christ, talk about like Murderer's Fucking Row. Oh, yeah. it was like a tell colin quinn uh seinfeld it was black i mean just everyone was a murderer uh crazy you know i mean the beacon is as good as it gets man it's the best so cool and isn't it weird and this is this is where i get mushy about comedy but something about comedy and success and doing well, it all happens in spurts. Have you noticed that? You did Letterman at the Netflix Fest, then The Beacon 20 hours later, and then a special.

Can we pace this slightly? Yeah, it hits you in a point where you're like, Jesus Christ, let me take a fucking breath. It always seems to happen. I did a last comic standing. Failed. Then I went and did my half hour. Had some virus from eating ass. And then I went and did my album.

You were puffy in the half hour. Oh, was I puffy? Pull that up there, Peters. I look like you. Which one is it? I was just so bloated. I had all these. I had this.

No, no. The comedy was a half hour. I'm so bloaty and fat. I look like I've been floating in a river had all these. No, no. The comedy starts in a half hour. I'm so bloaty and fat. I look like I've been floating in a river for three days. It was crazy. You got that from eating butt? Yeah, it's a fecal matter thing. Damn.

Dude, just fecal matter. It's called H. pylori. Better to eat ass offstage than on. That's true. Caught by the way. The more you know. The more you know. Yeah, let's see.

Can we get there? You can just put up a still. Yeah, is there a still? Yeah, sure. Because I am a mess, but I had to push through. You know, Comedy Central back then, they're, oh, look at these fucking queefs. They don't give you an inch. Hard to believe they're fucking failing.

Whoa. Oh, yeah, that does not look like you, Mark. I'm deep, and this is me with a ton of makeup on. Oh, my God. I'm like a different guy. You'd be a terrible drag queen. Yeah. Jesus, look at that.

I remember I didn't know what I had, so I thought I had AIDS. Wow. I just didn't know. I was shitting water. My tongue was sheet white. I was just sad and anxious and dehydrated. Went to the doctor. He goes, I don't know what this is. Let's run some blood tests. I don't know what this is. Let's run some blood tests.

I don't know what this is. This is not what you want to hear. I know. Two weeks later, he goes, are you sitting down? He called me. And I'm like, oh, God. He goes, you have H? And I was like, I knew it.

And he goes, H pylori. It's one pill. It's an antibiotic. You're good to go. I was like, oh, all right. There we go. Jesus Christ. Can we get a different name for it?

I know, the H. Yeah, the H. I was sitting down. I mean, it's such a terrible way to give all right. There we go. Jesus Christ. Can we get a different name for it? I know, the H. Yeah, the H. I was sitting down. I mean, it's such a terrible way to give someone news. Yeah, yeah. Are you sitting down? Why do we do that? Tell that to Stephen Hawking.

Are you sitting down? You know I am. I don't really have an option here. You're sitting down. You're paralyzed. Damn, dude. Yeah, no, the amount of shit, I mean, that happens at once in this biz. So you were in Europe, though, man.

You were in London. I got to hear about London. I've never done comedy in London. Really? It's great. London's awesome. Well, we did Ireland together, but I've never done London. Yeah, I remember that Ireland was fun, too.

But London, it feels more New York-y. It feels there's less tension there. Don't you feel like in America it's like rich vs. poor, black vs. white, men vs. women. There's all these movements and everybody's coming and fighting and cancel and all this shit. It didn't feel like that there. H. Pylori vs. Comedian. I mean, it never stops. Yeah.

Ass eating. But it just felt like fun and light and it felt like the 90s again. It was weird. And we did me and List and Luke Moniz and Ismael Lutfi, all these guys. Yeah, Broussard, all these guys. Dude, have you seen Luke Moniz's characters? Oh, he is hilarious.

Dude, pull up the guy who runs it. It's like Luke Moniz runs into, God, running into, like, your girlfriend's friend or something or, like, anything like that. Or it's fucking Kendall from Succession Impressions or Insane. Oh, yeah. He's the Moniz. M-O-N-E-Z? Yeah, yeah. No, S.

S, yeah. He's a funny guy. He's so funny. He just moved to L.A., too. Did he? So he'll probably get in a movie or something and blow up. But great guy, too. Great hang in London.

Oh, yeah, this is a good one. So you're Casey's boyfriend? Let's see. You see the Joker? Keith or Joaquin? Three, two, one. Jared Leto. Nice.

I'm a Leto guy. Sushi. Do you like it? Ah. Carhorns, right? You can drive? See that? Used to be a building there.

You like board games? I had this idea for Trippin' on Pursuit, but kinda porn. So they're close friends. I guess that makes us friends in law. How about a hug? Do you have a kid on you? How much did a guy like you pull down a year?

Ballpark it for me. Where'd you go to school? I went to Hogwarts. Just kidding. Just a big fan of the Harry Potter books. I actually did University of Phoenix, not not online but at the time I was told that it was a real school take your time we're good I'm getting to know uh what do you think that is huh 2.6 million views something like that and this is like the

pull up the caption for what this is. Scroll up, so. When your girlfriend runs into her friend and you're stuck with the other boyfriend. Oh, that's great. Great premise. Yeah, I'm actually on an adult mock trial team, so. Would it surprise you to learn that I am 61 years old? So random.

Yeah, he's funny, too. Stand up is great. Cool guy. We hung hung out everybody would get breakfast in the morning so i gotta break down london bring it down dude we were out there doing a game show and they pay you well they fly you out first class they put you up in this insane hotel people have top hats and shit and they press your coats you know it's one of these places and you're whispering to your fiance that's the fucking monopoly guy yeah it it was like a little downton abbey type shit but just high end high end and me and list are like this is insane look how nice they're treating us wow the money's good you're on the show with list yeah he was there like a few days before me so he did an episode then i flew in and i was like, hey, we're here.

Oh, my God. London. Here we go. And then he's like, have you done any work yet for the show? I was like, I haven't even opened the packet. And he's like, you're fucked. What's the premise for the show? It's kind of like an at midnight.

It's these British panel shows are huge. They're like they're they mock the week. Another one. The guy who made this did last. Not last. What's that one called? Whose line is it anyway? Oh, so he's like a big swinging producer dick. mock the week another one the guy who made this did last not last guy what's that one called whose line is it anyway oh so he's like a big swinging producer dick and this was a big show 300 people

in the audience huge set dulce sloan hosted it chanel ali we're all hanging out but it was a big production and i was like yeah we're funny guys we'll go in we'll zing and zang we got our ass kicked. These British guys are on the show. They're so quick. This is their whole life. So it's America versus? Versus England.

Do you feel patriotic? A little. Yeah. But we sucked. So I was like, maybe I'll move here. Long live the queen. Is the show good? Well, I don't want to trash the show, but i felt like the funniest parts about you they took away

i hate that isn't that bad yeah yeah like it was a lot of puns like they go what's a meat and a book and you go harry pot roast and you're like what am i doing i got an act i'm selling tickets now what the fuck am i doing here but you know he's got a i also don't think i'm never like i'm not a big pun guy like look there's a place for me but sure but they're easier than jokes yeah and it's not it doesn't elicit a lot of laughter you kind of go ah so they're more just like applauding that you that you're clever yes yes it's very clever and look that people said some funny jokes these british guys were amazing they were quick as shit but they live for this this is like they're like the way we write jokes they write panel jokes and i stayed up all night one night because it was so embarrassing how bad i bombed because how much i wasn't prepared so i

stayed up all night the next night i brought i brought my gal out to london she was like what are we doing today i'm like i'm writing i'm in the hotel right i'm in the business center writing brutal so i got my ass kicked on this show so that'll come out now it's on the cw i think but you're not happy with it no but i mean it's it's a pun show so it's not the end of the world but damn oh it was rough damn i guess it's on me because i was like oh i'll just go out to london i did some sets at night and get drunk i was drinking at five at the pubs all day but man that show kicked my ass what were they covid testing you the whole time the whole thing with the covid test see internationally that would stress me out so much because you even if you get

like a false positive now i'm just like stuck in fucking london yeah and they hit you every day multiple times a day wardrobe you know gotta get your packet printed send in your packet it was a lot of work and i had no idea but london was awesome did sets at night the crowds there are white hot joe list listed the comedy store we went and watched him i mean we had a blast what are you pulling up sally oh it's my impression of mark in london Let's see. Did you tell him the package? Yeah, I told him the package. I tried everything. I was pulling out old tweets, old jokes,

everything, just to try to get a laugh. Yeah, no, I hear you. But still a trip to London. I brought the lady. I bought her ticket, but I was in first class. She was in the last

and final row of an international flight up on the bathroom wall. Wow. And I was like, oh, I felt so bad. But I went back and gave her my pillow. I'd get first class food. I'd walk it back to her just out of guilt.

That's hilarious. Yeah. I felt like I was up in the Hamptons and she was like in Bed-Stuy. It's like in Weekend at Bernie's and just chilling on the roof. Remember that? Oh, yeah. The hot summer roof. Brutal. But we had a blast and the pub culture there is so cool i love an old pub oh it's the best five o'clock they're all filled out with people who got off work they're drinking

they're socializing i feel like they look at their phones less there they talk more there they interact more yeah just felt happier there i was in germany oh here he goes oh sorry i was i was in germany in berlin and i like walked into this bar total pub scene and i was like to the bartender i was like can i get the wi-fi he's like go enjoy your life go sit outside oh where was this in berlin wow you see they're better than us go enjoy your life and maybe it's for like a work thing you don't fucking know he was saying if you're? They're better than us. Go enjoy your life. Maybe it's for like a work thing. You don't fucking know. He was saying, if you're here, you're obviously on vacation.

What are you doing on your fucking phone? Eh, I don't like it. He's got a point, but he... He's got a point, but guess what? Like, tell me the fucking Wi-Fi. Yeah. Guess who doesn't like Germany? Still haven't forgiven them.

The Wi-Fi offense slightly less yeah problematic but yeah first they killed six million Jews now they won't fucking give up the Wi-Fi code it never ends with these fucking people what was the bar called Goebbels he's still in British talk show, Mark. Yeah, I know.

But Richard Gere put a gerbils up his ass. What's that? Sorry, I was doing a pun. Go ahead, hit us. I said Richard Gere put a gerbils up his ass. There we go. All right. I'll tweet it.

I'll sell that to a British comic. But the show's there. And we're like hot shit in London. I was going to comedy clubs like, hey, I'm Mark Norman. They're like,

oh, Mark Norman, you want to go on? All that shit. So that was nice. Yeah, yeah. So you could clean up.

All right. Hey man, just taped a special in Chicago. Pretty happy. Oh, let's hear about it. You did something a little different than normal.

Seven shows. We did seven shows. Eight, seven shows. Yeah, I know. I'm a fucking idiot i couldn't help myself i will you get good moments man but i'll tell you the problem with taping

seven shows is like there's a new person that comes to hang out at the show every night of the the four nights of taping yeah you're getting drunk every night i mean i literally i'm at the den in chicago i go in there you know 20 bottles of natural wine in my green room. I've got whiskey in there. I'm like, yeah, there's no wine left by the end of the week. We're fucking pounding this shit. Who stocked the green room? Hitchens?

Holy shit. That's a lot of booze. Quick interjection. I was at the Comedy Connection in Providence. Yeah. And you signed the wall. Yeah. It says, great club club bad wine oh yeah yeah

well they brought me some wine back there with some horde i'm like i'm not drinking this shit i'm no snob but this is gonna kill me the next day you gotta be careful with the wine with the hangovers true true so you have natural wine there stocked natural wine the hangover is not as bad i'm in a hotel with vita we got a good rate in this hotel there's a sauna in the hotel so every day we wake up we fucking sweat out the booze hell yeah nice little nice little routine yeah it works too man that sauna shit works that sauna shit is nice it really is i there's like a lot of health benefits to sauna if i ever hit it big i do the sauna in the house really over steam i mean if i hit it you know fucking crazy you go sauna over

steam i'm a steam guy i don't know what the difference is steam is wet heat sauna is dry heat ah i think that's the difference yeah the sauna smells like got wood and stuff inside rocks is that the sauna no dry heat's what i called my ex but uh yeah maybe smoky and steamy yeah maybe i do like sauna no maybe i like steam steam is better i think you have to stay in a steam as long either you kind of just get the i don't know okay full steam ahead good to know but i would do it i would do it if i was a millionaire i'd go steam room in the house i think you're doing you're close buddy wow i think that's a big operation you got to break walls down and pipes and plumbing.

I don't know. It's going to happen, buddy. It feels like a heavy duty operation. But you get the size of maybe two phone booths just sitting in that thing. Love it. That's all you need. That's all you need? Yeah.

By the way, the last phone booth was taken out of Manhattan last week. Really? Yeah, it was like a big deal. Damn. No more phone booths. Not one. First they come for the phone booths, then they're coming for the yellow cabs yeah ready begun that's right these motherfuckers these uber fucks it's not progress yellow cabs are good bring bring back we need it we all hate i mean i've done on this pod

too many times i've complained about it too much but man it's like it's depressing as hell to watch these old movies and yellow cabs are everywhere and it's like it's gonna look like a horse and carriage soon yeah you know it's terrible i want's going to look like a horse and carriage soon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's terrible. I want to get back to your Chicago, though. Oh, yeah. Sorry, sorry. Seven shows. When did you know you had it?

Third show. Oh, wow. I mean, we got there Wednesday. And I'll say this, Wednesday was probably the worst crowd. But I also was probably the worst I was all week. Because you're just trying to nail. The first tape, you're like, let me just get the jokes. So then you're not really yourself. And then once you're like let me just get the jokes so then you're not really yourself and then once you have it like then the

second show man we pretty much got it on the thursday early show i was like yeah i got the jokes to hit and then the late show i'm loose because i felt confident and that's when i'm like oh no we really got the jokes to hit you know so then you start riffing you start fucking around start doing crowd work i started kind kind of making, you know, going off the cuff a little, having fun. And then when you're loose, you're like, oh, that's you. That's, so that was, once you hit the third one, then you're like, all right, now I can really,

Wednesday I might've had like a couple drinks and then like Thursday I'm like, I'm drinking. Nice. Do you think you're going to cut together seven or are you going to be like, this is the main one and we're going to use pieces from- There might be like a moment in each show that's funny, but like, yeah, because you kind of try to differentiate it a little bit just to stay engaged, because you know the feeling where

you just get bored with the act. Oh, yeah. You get really bored with the jokes you've been telling them on tour for so long that you're just kind of like, I just want to fuck around, dude. Yeah. This must have cost you a fortune. How are you going to recoup? We'll see.

I mean, seven shows. I know that costs a lot of money. Calm down. You've got to think he's making money doing the shows. No, I am. Yeah, I know. you're gonna recoup uh we'll see i mean seven shows i know that costs a lot of money calm down you gotta think he's making money doing no i am yeah no i made i made money shooting tickets and we'll never know where the special end up so it's very exciting uh but yeah no everything's uh don't you feel good because we've all recorded a show where you're like i don't know how that was and then you you know comedy central or some weirdo group is editing it so you're like i hope they edit that right yeah but this is all you you're good you feel good about it i feel

pretty good yeah i think it'll i think it'll be good it's but then you then you have the problem where you're like why don't i i gotta write a new act well that's a whole another bag it's fucking hard hard to keep writing new new jokes It keeps you humble, though, because you notice that comics that keep burning shit, you can't like yourself too much because you're not going up and killing as much as people that keep kind of playing the hit. You got that right. You go up there and you start, you get humbled pretty easily. Yeah, this is why these old timers just do the same act for, you know, 20 years. Because if they try a new thing and it bombs now people are like i thought you were a legend so it's hard it's a hard process it's a tightrope

yeah to work that new shit out yeah any any wrecks well wait i gotta ask hold on before you if this comes out what august september yeah so you still got a hot two three months to i hope at least two months to couch the new shit with some of the old stuff on the road yeah that's when you gotta break it all you take i'm taking a few days off in july i'm gonna go to a resort and just chill out and just yeah that's nice no good for you You don't hear about resort. You go in a resort. Well, I don't do it much, but I've been told by a lot of people that you never take a break. You need to do something where you recharge. So I'm going to give it a shot.

And my friend, my buddy Chase, is going to come join me the last couple of nights. We're just going to do it up. We'll do fucking, well, you know, probably drink. We'll try to have some fun. All right. Well, this is a weird way to come out of the closet. You're going up to a resort with this guy Chase so i've never heard of i was sick of the chase thought i'd bring my own no yeah uh no resorting to homophobe

save that for the british shows yeah it's really wow uh yeah no man. Any recommendations? Well, let's see. I got more peeves than wrecks. Hit me with a fucking peeve, brother. It's been a while. Okay. Oh, I did have a wreck.

I did see Top Gun, but we'll talk about that. Ooh, is it good? Well, I'll just say I'll recommend it. It's got a lot of cheese on it. You know, like he has a problem with one of the other cadets, and the other cadet's like a good-looking, over-the-top, cocky guy. And then the guy with glasses is the nerd and the dweeb. It's just so cartoony.

Everything's very tropey. A lot of tropes. I'll just say that. A lot of tropes. Too bad I had high tropes for this one. Yeah! England! We need to play that British music when the Queen walks out.

Every time we do a punch. Can we get that sound effect? You know the changing of the guards? Or whatever they call it? The Buckingham Palace shit. Alright, that joke princess died. Alright! We're back! uh yeah but yeah top gun is fun

yeah i saw with my lady she was just like this is so cheesy but by the end of it we're both fist pumping yeah you know i had like a little american flag uh pin and uh it was a good time i mean say what you want but like tom cruise is kind of like the last of the movie star type guy. You know, and obviously there's others, but he really is like an old school. What the? Oh, that's Queen. No, I need the British shit. Jesus Christ. What the hell are you doing?

You just bankrupt the fucking new studio. What the hell are you doing? Sam's going to be playing that at the resort. What? Yeah, I got it. got it aids h pylori got h pylori we uh yeah go see top gun it's fine i got a movie rec for you okay and i think salacuse will back me up on this hustle on netflix sandler's new movie i'm excited. Taylor made for someone like me. Yes. Really? It was. It's just like a total movie, like a basketball.

It's like it's like my friend described it as like NBA 2K. My player mode. If that were a movie. Oh, you're like rising the ranks. It's awesome. Sandler fucking kills it. Really? He can act, man.

Once I saw Punch Drunk Love, I was like, this guy's a solid actor. Yeah. Oh, it's it's so good. The guy, I was like, this guy's a solid actor. Yeah. Oh, it's so good. The guy who plays the star, Juancho Hernan Gomez. Who is that? He's in the league. He's like, you know, he had like one good NBA season. His brother played for the Knicks, actually, Willie Hernan Gomez.

And I loved Willie. He was a brick wall. But, you know, they're both from Spain. Here's the trailer. I sort of describe it as Jerry Maguire meets a great Armor All commercial. Or Under Armour commercial. All right, all right. Oh, Philly, huh?

Because if you don't, let's not even bother. Let's not open that door. They're just going to slam it right in our face. Wow, producers. LeBron James. And, dude, that's Kenny Smith. A lot of players are actors in it. Anthony Edwards, he's a great young player.

He's funny as hell in the movie. He's a great young player. Wow. Is this why Sandler's been balling a lot? He's always been a baller. Oh, okay. He can play. Queen Latifah is a loving sister.

She's great. Great. Always great. Lesbian. You have to think I am the best guy out there. But also, you're watching this. I'm like, dude, if Sandler was motivating me, I could become pretty good at hoops. Yeah, yeah, totally. You buy him as a motivator right yeah dude it's it's an awesome

movie it's just a it's just a really fun it's a really good sports movie all right i love a good sports movie i i dug it i was watching on the road i was like oh this is this is putting me in a good place i'm down i will watch it would the lady like it or would she hate yeah it's great i told my agent to watch it and she uh she and her boyfriend are like that she's texting me she's like this is amazing i was like yeah it's awesome and it's like sandler just fucking he rules man good for sandler man i mean you know snl great comic to snl to household name to then putting out some jack and jills and clicks and whatnot but when you i thought click was was pretty solid they all make the one they all do well yeah yeah that's true that's true he had one on netflix

that was pretty wild well dude you know when you make like 30 movies yeah you're not gonna hit a home run on every one of them he had an epic run you know epic run but he's still running is what i'm saying like he's just reinventing uncut gems this great stand-up special was fun the later one i liked it yeah so good for him yeah stay with it keep going stay you're telling adam sandler to stay with it yeah condescending fuck this is what happens when you go to england you go no stay with it. Yeah. Condescending fuck. This is what happens when you go to England. You go, no, stay with it, mate. Oh, boy,

they're passive-aggressive ninjas in England. Oh, my God. Well, I asked one guy, I was like, excuse me, sir, which way is Oxford Street? He's like,

you got a smartphone, do you? I'm like, oh, jeez. Thanks, Nigel. That guy just zinged me. I didn't even realize until 20 minutes later. I got a peeve for you. And this one,

this is a good peeve because it comes back to me as these often do where I get annoyed and then it kind of turns into my fault. You ever have the train coming and then the guy in front of you just takes their sweet fucking time. They block you off for the turnstile so you can't get through. Oh, yeah. This prick is like, dude, he's like, let me take it. I'm like, that's the train. Fucking move, dude. Oh, yeah.

So I'm getting annoyed. So I just zing right in front of him. I cut him off. I do the old flippity flop. And then my, I'm doing the, you know, yeah, you know what's coming. The tap? Yeah, the tap. It won't read it.

So now I, now you're him. And now I'm him. Yeah. You turned me into you, but your shittiness made me shitty. I caught shittiness from you. Hurt people hurt people. Yeah. Wow. Wow. trying at least i'm trying this guy's like fiddling with shit yeah but yeah if the train is coming i mean you gotta hustle that's just uh yeah that's just the rule oh i've you have the friend too i've had friends who are like you know i one time i made it

through a late night you made it through my friend yells out go on without me because he couldn't get through that's a real friend that's a friend yeah go on without you i would never i would never yeah tell the world my story well that's when you hold the door that's what you do in that and then everyone hates you for a different reason yeah but you can deal with them hating it this is a friend here but yeah i'm with you i would have jumped it at that point i mean come on if the trains that you cannot miss the train i've had girls on dates where they're like oh a tampon oh a luna bar oh the nuva ring and i'm like what are you doing the train's here get that purse going this is mark's chance to ditch them he just hops over like later yeah she was like don't wait for me i was like you got it hey hey. We might be drunk as sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy.

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Don't wait for me. When I first started dating Stacy, she's not from new york and i am and you know how you walk on the train you kind of like stay there until someone pushes you a little bit so i led and i was expecting her to push you know to push me in and she didn't and the doors closed and she was on the outside and i was on the inside and i turned around and she's like this oh i know she should have just left me then like yes this train leaves never sees me again did you have phones at the time no no this is like 2005 wow i just lost her yeah i was like i'll see you damn whoa man that's when you have to communicate like meet you at the next stop or something like that. Next stop. Damn, that's old school.

Wow. Would you get in a phone booth after that? The last caller. Yeah. By the way, I went to a phone booth, like, I don't know, 2009. I saw one, and I was like, oh, phone booth. And I got in it. It just smelled like piss and miscarriage.

I was like, all right, fuck it. I'm good. It was like this nostalgic, cool moment that it just was ruined by some hobo piss. I definitely pissed in a lot of phone booths there you go when you get drunk you just when you're young you're like no one this is a place to pee all right i gotta i got so many peeves i can't you gotta save some i'll save some but yeah hit me with another all right how about this guy i met this kid and he was like a young comic and we were hanging out and, and he was nervous. He was just anxiety-riddled.

You're going to break so many young comics who listen to this hard. I'm not going to say his name. He's done this before, where he's like, this comic from this weekend. It was Luke Bonet. This guy, sweet kid. He's probably like 20 or 21. And he was just kind of a keyed-up, squirrely kid. And he would do a thing that would drive me crazy where he would say, huh, after every question

just to buy him some time to think about it. So, like, ask me a question. How was England? Huh? Oh, England was good. England was good. He just needs a little more time, you know? But it was driving me crazy because I would go,

how was England? And repeat it. And then now I'm repeating it, and then he's answering it. So now we're butting up against each other so like ask me like three questions in a row um where did you stay in england huh oh i stayed at the langham what no where the show was good huh where the show is good great shows were great he's killed the rhythm now yes the rhythm is gone yeah the rhythm's gonna get you and this guy was i couldn't get a conversation going and then even if i tried i didn't want to because it was so frustrating with the huh huh what's her name who sings it again which one gloria stefan yeah dude tom mccavey

you know that joke no great joke he used to say like when people were like that song changed my life he's like yeah that never has happened ever it's never like i used to be uh i used to work in a deli now i'm a navy ceo all thanks to uh glorious stefan's rhythm is gonna get you i don't know that joke i'm fucking up the algorithm here oh shit this is my uh this is my new orleans this is the song called huh that's right juvenile huh but he's saying it he's every sentence ends in uh-huh. Let me ask Mark another question. This is a woman in 2015. Do you have H. pylori?

Uh-huh. I do, thanks to you. That's what I wrote on the green room wall. Great club, badass. Eating butt, dude. You're reckless. Well, I just got out of a 12-year relationship, and eating ass was the new thing. So I was just like, I just got out of like a 12-year relationship, and eating ass was like the new thing.

So I was just like, I'm in. I'd put a napkin in my shirt. I'd bring a fork and a knife, and I'd go to town. Hell yeah. Gotta do it. Do you know who does that huh thing? It's Rich Voss. Huh? Yeah.

But then he comes back right after. He doesn't make you say the question again. He says huh, and then he fucking jabs you. Yeah, he needs just one millisecond to zing you. You know what the other big one is when they go, ask me a question, somebody. What was that? Give me like a full sentence. Where are you from, Mark?

Who, me? I said your fucking name. I said Mark, yeah. What the hell? Who, me? No, we're in a phone booth together. Yeah, I'm talking to you. My dick's out. You talking to me? Mark. Yeah. Who me? We're in a phone booth together. Yeah. I'm talking to you.

My dick's out. You talking to me? Huh? Yeah. Who me? Yes. Yes. You.

That was the original taxi driver. You talking to me? Then he's looking in the mirror. Who me? Huh? Huh? Yeah. All right.

So, yeah, that that drove me fucking crazy. And then just to be in a green room every weekend. And I started doing it to him. And he'd go, so I go, so where are you from? And then he'd go, huh? And I'd say, huh, at the same time. And he didn't like that. Wow.

Yeah, but I just couldn't take it anymore. Should we do some news? Hell yeah. Oh, please. What do we have for the news? Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Cronkite. What do we have?

All right. We have. Do you want to read them or What do we have? All right. We have. Do you want to read them or? You read them. All right. Are you lapeled? Okay, just checking. I didn't see a microphone.

Dave lapeled. Let's go. Urine trouble no more. Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority hopes with a new program to tackle public urination in the system's elevators with technology. What? The MBTA, which services Boston and the surrounding area, is launching a pilot program this summer in which urine detection sensors will be placed in four downtown elevators.

Whoa. We're just talking about pissing in phone booths. Whoa. The sensor alerts the transit ambassadors. That's a bit lofty. That guy with the broom. I'm a transit ambassador. Get your piss bucket.

Yeah, you pick up urine, you fucking bitch. What do you do for work? I'm an MTA diplomat. I clean shit. Okay. The transit ambassador will dispatch a cleaning crew. Wow. That's a rough one.

I'm glad this wasn't on my mattress as a child this is terrifying what a weird use of technology i know you you can sense piss yeah yeah we we got i feel like our priorities are out of whack like we have hungry people we have filthy water we have all this shit going on and we're working on this well i think it fucks up i think it kills a i think it kills a elevator like you can it's not just the smell it can like badly damage the oh i mean the smell sucks i think what i mean if they what they really should do is have like a low yield shock that comes up you the pissed into your penis no just why not you shouldn't be pissing in there in the first place. I don't think that's okay. I think that's way worse than pissing on the thing.

Really? Getting a shock on your dick? How many times would you piss in an elevator after that? Zero. I know, but you're using violence on someone's dick? Yeah, what is this? All right, Lorena Bobbitt. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, also, you're going to be hooking up with a girl later you're like watch out for my dick she's like herpes like elevator pissed well also like can you imagine peeing in an elevator and alarm goes off oh that's fucking terrifying that is scary yeah you know what else wasn't wasn't a picnic was uh back when you were a kid and they started putting that liquid shit in the water of a pool where when you pee, it would turn green. You remember that? Yeah. It was some chemical.

I think that was a wives' tale to get kids not to do it. Oh, well, I was a big pool peer. Who was? It never changed color. Oh, you were too? Every kid does. All right. I mean, that's the thing.

Whenever I see kids in a pool on the road, I'm like, fuck. Oh, yeah. It's a toilet. Yeah. It's a giant toilet it is it's uh i mean uh i definitely have peed on the street like a lot in my life but it's also like you have to think if you're peeing in an elevator like that's usually you're either pissed drunk or it's like an only or last resort yeah yeah right because like you're drunk you're homeless you can't find

somewhere to pee yeah i. I don't know. I remember I got handcuffed. I used to do a bit about this. I got handcuffed by a cop once. I was shit-faced. And he goes, you were not seriously peeing on the street. And I said, no, I'm doing it ironically. I got handcuffed.

And he let me go. Yeah. I've gotten caught three times peeing in public. It's a bummer. But, you know, my street, I on a little little weird kind of alley type street yeah everybody pisses on my street you know mcgoogle's right there it's like a party bar strip yeah so i live a block off that so my street is just piss central and i can see them from my apartment i'll like tap my lady like yep got another one you can't help it you can't watch

i was like an alley so you kind of yeah i i walked down your block and I'm like, I do have to go. Yeah, you see. It's electric shock. All right. I'm not with the electric shock. I don't think that's okay. How about pouring a glass of water on them? Pouring a glass of water?

How about pouring a glass of piss on them? Yeah. Oh. Ah, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. All right. Okay, we got another one. Never heard the expression used like that before. Pour some pee on it.

It's good for you. It's a good move. So we have another one here. Yeah. In the wiggle of a nose, a man partially covered the bewitched statue in Salem

with red paint. Witnesses called police around 5 p.m. Monday to report someone spray painting the bronze statue. Captain so-and-so says she got carried yeah the statue depicts elizabeth montgomery as lead character of samantha

stevens from the 1960s sitcom bewitched sitting on a broomstick i did not know so this is crazy that be bewitched in salem that's funny i think they knew what they were doing that's a good yeah no i think they shot some of it in Salem. But that's Salem Witch Trials, right? Yeah. But then a guy is still upset about witches, apparently? Maybe. I don't know.

Do you think he's really mad about the show? I don't know. I think he probably just saw a statue he wanted to vandalize. That'd be hilarious if he just hated old school TV. He's like, next we're going gonna egg to leave it to beaver house uh yeah i don't know this is very strange but half red this is a this is very symbolic yeah something's up something's up it's also like satanic what's what's it's satanic and also it's it's salem like this is where witches were hung. Witches. They weren't real witches. Sure. They were killed.

Yeah. And now, it's like, it's as if they put a fucking Larry David statue in Auschwitz or something. Oh, my God. Right, right. Good point. It's weird. That's true. You put it right in the heart of it.

Interesting. All right, we got one more here. Boy, people are weird. People have too much time on their hands. This is from Charlotte, North Carolina. Federal authorities say a man has been arrested in Charlotte, North Carolina, after he was stopped in the city's airport with more than 23 pounds of cocaine concealed in seat cushions of a motorized wheelchair.

Ooh, wheelchair. Back to Hawking. Hawking's going quick today. Talk about a jazzy. This guy's a real rascal. 23 pounds is a lot. That is a lot. They ripped apart the wheelchair and they found...

I bet they were thrilled that there was cocaine in there because they were like, wow, that must have been... If you rip apart someone's wheelchair... Yeah. Was he really handicapped? No way. Oh, here it wheelchair. Yeah. Was he really handicapped? No way. Oh, here it is. Whoa.

Do you think he was actually handicapped, or do you think it was just a move? I think it was a move. I think it was a move. And how did they find him? Was it a dog sniff? Because you see a guy in that wheelchair, you're going to let him roll right by you.

Also, I don't think that's an international airport. I'd be surprised if there were dogs in it for a zero. CLT, definitely an international. It is? Oh, yeah. Charlotte is a huge airport. It's a hub. Yeah.

Is that the one with the rocking chairs? It's got the rocking chairs in there because they're like, we're southern. I think so. I think it is. Charlotte, by the way, the CLT, I always think of Clit when I book that. I couldn't find the airport. Oh, shit. This is a weird one.

Yeah, what is going on with Bieber here? Is that palsy? I have a Bieber story here that's not this. Oh, here it is. Justin Bieber said his face has been paralyzed and is canceling shows until he gets better. Half paralyzed. Excuse me, half paralyzed. It's from the ramsey something ramsey let's hear him tell it let me see i can't smile on this side of my face wait pause it a sec

i think my ex-girlfriend had that on both sides of her face oh can't smile so there's full paralysis in the side of my face oh man crazy right yeah well he's super young to have this what is it what's it called ramsay something what's it ramsay hunt dude well this usually hits people who are like over 60 at least he's he's in his 20s i think yeah yeah is it a stressing cocaine thing it's an ear virus that then fucks up your face yeah holy shit so anyone could get it if it's a virus yeah you can catch it yeah h by lori so a virus yeah but dude that's like that's like if like you got that and then it fucked your dick up right you know what i mean like that's crazy that it goes in your ear and then fucks your face up. I mean, that's crazy.

And half paralyzed. Is there a recovery process? I'm sure. Yeah, I think you can recover, but he canceled a tour. I mean, think about how much money we lose if we cancel a tour. And then think about what Justin Bieber just lost. Multi, multi millions. Crazy.

Crazy. That's terrible, yeah. I think he'll come out swinging he's religious too so what does that say about god where's your god now babes i guess you're not a believer okay we got some uh hot salem witch people give god more salem witch yeah yeah uh three centuries after being convicted of hocus pocus nah uh the last salem witch in quotes has been officially pardoned by the state of massachusetts elizabeth johnson jr found herself in hot water in 1693 when Puritans caught up in the Salem witch craze came knocking on her door. At only 22 years old, Johnson joined dozens of others, including her own mother, on the chopping block as a frenzy of folks declared them witches and sentenced them to death. Yeah.

I mean, that's, I don't know about the Apollo. I mean, why do you have to do a pardon three centuries later? Like, clearly you weren't a part of this. I know. It's such, again, a waste of time. It's all symbolic, I guess. It's symbolic. But Amber Heard's next.

You mean getting pardoned? No, no, getting burned. I think that's already happened. Yeah, that's true. It's a witch hunt, folks's that's the modern day witch yeah i think people get annoyed with their town or you know like back to germany they're like super obsessed with feeling bad about the holocaust can't make a holocaust joke you can't make a jew joke it's illegal to make a jew joke in germany so people just get arrested on stage if you do that?

You get arrested. Really? In a bar, you get arrested. Who's watching? I think somebody could report you. Well, Jews can make a Jew joke. I don't know. I bet no one will laugh.

I think it's just too like, oh, shit, the guilt. I feel like that's the least you could let us make jokes. I agree. Yeah. Yeah. of guilt i feel like that's the least you could let us make jokes i agree yeah yeah that'd be that'd be great if they're like these are you're on trial for making a jew joke in germany how fucking ironic would that be yeah i know right you get the gas chamber i'm sorry yeah but i was about to say do jews live in Germany? But then I realized, well, black people live here. Do Jews live in Germany?

Absolutely. That was a dumb question, but just take it out loud. What? All right. I don't know if I'd want to live in Germany. Or maybe you would, because everybody would be really nice to you. If you're Jewish. It's probably just fine now.

Probably fine. Oh, yeah. Do we have a camera on that, Matt? The bodega? I get it. Whoa, baby! What's that? What's that you're holding, Mark? How do you like them apples, huh?

Here's H by Lori. Here we go. Bodega cat. It's here. Is this the unveiling of the name and everything? Oh, yeah. The whole kitten caboodle the bottle the label it looks good man so what happened chris uh brought you one in in chicago yeah very exciting he showed up so christopher who were in business with for bodega cat uh not

only did he bring bodega cat he bought he brought uh a talisker 35 year old bottle to my tap. Let's just say that did not make it through the first night. Wow. We killed that pretty quickly. Incredible peaty scotch. And then, I mean, this is, it's really great whiskey. I can't wait for you to try it. It's really, you know, I'm drinking it with people. My agent, you know, she's drinking it, and she goes,

I never have drank whiskey straight up that I could handle. This is so smooth. Crack it open. No, it's great. We will crack it open. We're going to crack it open. I just want to pour some in here right now. Pour some in.

All right. I didn't know if I could. Yeah. Woo-hoo. Very exciting. Yeah, remember, I mean, for the folks at home, we tried, what, nine, ten samples of rye, and this was the winner for sure. Yeah.

Ah, that's fucking good this is by the way that our normal shit will be uh i think 45 percent this is 50 percent hell yeah for some reason i don't know why i think it's like take a little pull off that uh 12 years sober down the drain bodega cat We might be drunk. I was with Gary Veeder who doesn't normally drink but for my special week he was drinking every night.

He's a fun drunk too. He's a fun drunk and he was another one who was like this is fucking good. Bodega Cat. You know what? Bodega Cat's a great name

for this is because when you're in a bodega and the cat shows up you're fucking happy. You got that right. There's something about that cat popping and we were like

ah. Yes. You're never bummed to see a bodega cat. No, I always pet it. They sleep on the bread. They're adorable and they keep the mice out. People in Nebraska don't know what a bodega is or a bodega cat. It's like a little corner store. And then what is the bodega cat?

I think they have bodegas all over the country. Yeah, it's a corner store, a convenience store usually run by a normal guy, not a corporation. And they always have a cat there because they kill the mice and they keep the store friendly. And they're usually open late. That's kind of the perk of the stores. You can pop in there.

In New York, at least, you can pop in there at midnight and get a hoagie. You got that right. Yeah, you get a little, you know. What's your late night sandwich? What do you get? I go turkey on a roll. Love it. Love it.

Lettuce, tomato, mayo, onion, salt, pepper, vinegar. Any pickle or no? I'll do pickle if they have pickle. And I'll do cheese. I'll fuck with a jalapeno, too. Oh, yeah. Cheers. Hey.

Hey, hey. This is it, gang. I never thought I'd be here. People on the road. when's the whiskey? It's really fucking good. I mean, it's really quality. Matt, you want to take a sip? I don't drink hard alcohol.

I mean, but this is... I'll make an exception. Just a smooch. Just take a kiss. Here, you want to... Yeah, take some of Mark's right there. Just kiss it. Just let it hit the lips.

Give it a kiss. Just the tip, dude. Yeah. Just suck that fucking sorry go ahead oh it smells good all right it's like notes of caramel and vanilla and yeah it's like it really is it's really good yeah i don't like that stuff and that's good all right that doesn't have that burn that like i normally feel that's really good you can go through a bottle of this like like that i mean this is quality stuff bodega cat i'm fucking pumped for you guys to try this it's so it's

coming so soon i would say hopefully within the month we'll see you know what really happens here with this but uh comedy clubs they're gonna have it theaters uh well we have to get through legal in certain states like we have to i mean some apparently new york's a real bitch to get through legal in certain states. Like, we have to, I mean, apparently New York's a real bitch to get through. Yeah. You know. That fucking watch. We've got to do something about that watch. Got to figure out the watch.

It's broken. I just watched the documentary on the guy who invented Rolex. Very fascinating. Yeah? We'll get to that later. Dude, I just watched the Carlin doc, part one and two. Oh! We've got to talk about that.

I mean, I don't know how long we're going here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got to run bits soon, too. Oh, yeah. But talk about that. I mean, I don't know how long we're going here. Yeah, we got to run bits soon, too. Oh, yeah. But the Carlin doc was fucking amazing. What did you like about it? I mean, look, it inspired me to be a better comic and a worse husband and father. No, he was an incredible comic and that he was able to reinvent himself so many times.

Yeah. That he became corny in the 80s to people like they're like, oh, this is he's mocked. And then he used that as fuel and came back stronger than ever. And like 90s Carlin's my favorite Carlin, I think. Oh, really? Yeah, probably me, too, because he was he was finding himself and going hard, but also staying silly. Yeah. He was really awesome.

And also Carlin was not personal. He was very society this, society that, words this, words that. This, like, talk about his wife, his daughter, his upbringing, the whole thing. So that was fascinating. I didn't know he was kicked out of the school, high school, college. Ninth grade dropout. Ninth grade dropout.

He really goes to show formal education is overrated. I mean, think about some of the smartest people you know. It's like Colin Quinn. It's not for free thinkers. I mean, look, I guess everything is what you make of it. But all I'm saying is if you're a dropout, you could still be one of the smartest fucking people. It has no reflection on intelligence. Yeah.

Yeah. And just as a comedian and an artist or whatever you want to call it, he did everything first. Like, I see comics now doing shit. I'm like, Carlin did that 30 years ago, 25 years ago. That's how hip it still is. I know, I know. And there's a reason the right wing, the left wing, they all post clips of Carlin because they're like, we like him.

No, we like him, but it's just. You couldn't put him in a box. You couldn't put him in a box. Exactly. He was just a comic just making observations. Yeah, no, Carlin is uh we got to get i think we need some comics we need in this wall who we've lost we got giraldo norman saget we got rodney we need prior carlin joan rivers patrice patrice let's get some other if you want

to send stuff in guys uh how are we going to do that in the future, Matt? I don't know. We'll figure it out. Can we give the address? Gotham Studios? Did you change it on Google? All right. Well, there you go. Give Google.

Give that a Google. Gotham Studios, New York City. It's on 30. 251 West 39th. There you go. New York. 16th floor. Don't come by and visit us, though.

That would get weird. We'll figure this out. We might have to change this. Did you just say the floor? Yeah. If the building they could figure out with a gun out front so we're gonna those cycles don't make those jokes right now salamanca jesus christ all right just me with a knife i do have those i do have those fears on stage sometimes i'm like am i gonna die like peter finch in the end of network is this am i gonna be mid jokes and do just show up with guns like yeah it could happen what a way to go though i mean shit i always wonder like if chapelle got stabbed god forbid yeah would people drop the the hate or would they be like problematic

comedian got stabbed i think if anyone if that headline formed people would fucking go nuts i think you can't that's true i mean anyone who's okay with violence in response to jokes is a piece of shit i agree and and dumb and they're not factoring in something could have horrible could have happened oh the guy who went at him had a fucking weapon and he got he's in jail for life you see that later they found out he tried to kill a guy pull it fucking weapon and he got he's in jail for life you see that later they found out he tried to kill a guy pull it up i think he got arrested i don't think he's in jail for life i didn't see that i think it's murder attempted murder pull it up but yeah uh either way bodega cat's coming it's on the way it's it's in the flesh right here we can touch it we can

drink it so it's just got to get through this legal shit yeah but we're we're we just wanted you all to know this is this isn't a fucking game no this is coming hell yeah thanks chris this is exciting i remember when that we you know first we're talking about this and now it's like it's a thing it's i know it's crazy that it's like a thing you can touch it's pretty wild and it's so daunting when you start it. Like, what are we going to do? How are we going to do a label? How are we going to try it? How are we going to taste it? But just chip away slowly, and we got there.

I think the guy's name is Elijah White. Elijah. Uh-oh. Oh, boy. Jeez. Terrifying. Looks like the Grinch. Oh, my God, it does.

Come on. He stole the hollywood bowl show he stole comedy he's charged with attempted murder thank you wow you're right i don't know if it's on chapelle or other no another guy another guy oh from some other guy who wrote that headline you i know right nice and vague it's like milaney's old joke he said the post sounds like somebody texted you the news bozo and queens hit lady or something bozo is such a fucking underrated word they always do bozo bozo is such like an old new york type of word yeah trump would say bozo a lot bozo yeah trump when he's doing shit like it is like a comic just trying to figure out a joke except trump is going for like cheers right you know

what i mean you just see him fishing he's like oh they're cheering like i'll use that that'll make the top 45 you know what i mean that'll be the clip yeah exactly let me should we do bits before we get out of here bits i mean you you who needs bits more than this guy i'm fucking dying the well is dry you gotta start from scratch baby. All right. I got a couple ideas here. What do you got? Now, tell me if this has been done because it's starting to click on stage. It's new and still clunky, but it feels like it's starting to get momentum. I still think it's weird that we slut shame in 2022.

Like, you know, with all this progress. Have you done this one on the pod before have i done this about native americans okay no never mind okay so i think the best time to be a promiscuous lady was native american time like inca aztec because they sacrificed virgins to the gods so being promiscuous could save your life you know like uh the chief comes up he's like hey the crops are dying we got to sacrifice a virgin are you a virgin i'd be like huge whore huge whore what are you kidding i give the best arrowhead on this side of the wigwam i put the hoe in navajo and i just i like that system better they get rid

of the boring gals and we keep the fun ones so now you got a chief chief up on the volcano going you should have fucked me whoa Whoa. Should have fucked me. So you're actually getting penalized for being a virgin. And also, are they sacrificing male virgins ever? Because then you got the angle of the guy being like, but I've been trying. Oh, that's good. I'll use that. I like that.

The male virgin. Yeah. I don't think they care about male virgins. Yeah. And yet, the male virgins in this country are the ones angry and killing people. They're the ones sacrificing people. Yeah, exactly. Okay.

In cells. Hiya, hiya. Hiya. All right, I'm getting too brave. All right, I got an idea. All right, I'm getting too brave. All right, I got an idea. All right, I'll play with that. Good angle, good angle. Here's my idea.

All right, so I think it's crazy that you don't realize what, like gambling was illegal almost everywhere in the country just a few years ago. And now every time you turn on the TV, it's like FanDuel, DraftKings. It's just gambling nonstop. It makes you wonder what's going to be legal in five years. Are you going to be watching Monday Night Football? They go to break and it's like,

whores, whores, whores. Oh, that's great. We'll bring the cocaine. Yes. And there's some angle I think could be maybe with ages 17 and up because that's the that's the age of consent now right right well we did it with weed too yeah we need to be legal and now they're like a lot of i think san francisco just legalized drugs because of all the

heroin use but uh that's good that's good what will be You know, one guy, I like the guy who's like, come on, incest. We got gambling. We got weed. Come on, pedophilia. They start weed in like Portland. Maybe they start incest in like Kentucky or something. Yes, yes, exactly. You're gambling on having a fucked up kid.

But yeah, it's so true. Like thing we even did with gay marriage i remember obama being like gay marriage is immoral or whatever the hell i remember even thinking then as a younger guy like that's not gonna last well some people they'll go to the supreme court or you know they'll testify before congress or something where they'll say you know like we need to legalize weed you'll get someone but then no one's gonna do that with incest no one's gonna to do that with incest. No one's going to show up like, guys, come on. Like, this is, it's not a cool thing to push. Yeah. Look at my sister.

Come on, man. Like, Cheech and Chong want to be the face of weed. No one wants to be the face of incest. You know? Yes, yes. That's a bad face. We've all seen that kid. He's not looking good.

But yeah, there's a lot here. There's something here. You can just make a list of all the things that are still illegal and just plug those into commercials. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Weed.

We're playing, guys. I need a new act. Scratch-offs were always legal, which I never got, because I'm like, isn't that gambling? Yeah. What the hell? Is it because it's so cheap? Hold on. He's got something.

When I was a kid, riverboats were big. You weren't allowed to gamble but you could have a gambling on our incest cruises okay go on the boat yeah i fucked my cousin but it was on it was on the water all right incest cruise i'm telling you i'm gonna start that myself that's a million dollar idea no but i think yeah i think uh mom i booked a cruise yeah give me a minute right you know people go on uh vacate like bachelor parties in vegas bachelor party at the family reunion all right i'm hung up on the incest thing uh should we we should say guys we have all these cool glasses on we might be drunk

uh is it we might be drunk pod. on. We might be drunk. Uh, is it? We might be drunk pod.com. Yeah. We might be drunk pod.com. The Patreon is patron.com slash. We might be drunk pod. Uh, we're growing questions. A lot of big guests coming up.

Yeah. Mark, where are you going to be on the road, bro? I'm all over. I don't know when this comes out Sunday, right? Oh, this. Okay. Well, uh, this weekend coming up, I'm in, I'm in Irvine, California, the Irvine improv. Come on out. Sunday, right? Oh, this, okay. Well, this weekend coming up, I'm in Irvine, California, at the Irvine Improv.

Come on out, say hi. I rarely get out to LA to do a full weekend, so this'll be a banger. And I'm doing the Fully Loaded Tour with Bert. He asked me to plug that, because that's like baseball stadiums and racetracks, so that's gonna be a lot of tickets. And

marknormancomedy.com, Irvine Improv, The Vogel in Red Bank, New Jersey. We just added a show. Wise Guys, Salt Lake City, Houston Improv, San Antonio LOL, Comedy Off-Broadway in Lexington, Richmond, Funny Bone, West Palm Beach, all kinds of good stuff. Boston, Portland, Seattle,attle brea you name it so we're going everywhere we got uh cleveland ohio houston texas uh west palm beach buffalo san jose uh pittsburgh uh dania beach so many more coming uh you know i'll be in la or vine all that shit soon too i'll be in uh

all over the country so samuel.com slash shows love it building a new act yes it's gonna be awesome that's what i was gonna say if you're a real comedy fan and you want to see a guy a real comedian working on a new act this is a cool thing to see it's a really positive spin on it i'm trying go see this guy bomb all over the country. No, great to see you guys again. Missed you all. Yeah. This is fantastic.

Great new studio. Great new studio. Bang goes to my studio. Shout out. Huge guests are coming. Big guests. You're going to love the huge guests. We got great comics.

We got Carlin coming in. He's pretty wild. You already have watched it, but our boy Stav, Stavi Baby, Stavros Halkis, his new specials crushing crushing it's a great special give it a watch we love you guys thanks for listening I'm a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking pun

And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way. We might be true.