We Might Be Drunk - Ep 87: Whitney Cummings & Eastern Standard

Episode Date: August 8, 2022

​Whitney Cummings joins us this week and we enjoy a refreshing Eastern Standard made with Tequila. Watch Whitney's new Netflix special "Jokes" and listen to her podcast, "Good For You" https://whitneycummings.com/ http://marknormandcomedy.com/ https://www.sammorril.com/shows *New Merch Store: https://www.bonfire.com/store/gotham-production-studios/ https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Check out our clip channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/WeMightBeDrunkClips https://www.diffordsguide.com/cocktails/recipe/4685/eastern-standard-soho-house-tonic Visit https://go.factor75.com/DRUNK130 and use code DRUNK130 Support the show and get 15% off your first Raycon order at https://BuyRaycon.com/MIGHTBEDRUNK Visit https://www.dietsmoke.com and use code DRUNK.

Is selling out a thing anymore? That's a good point. You know what? After Ratatouille, I think that was it. David Cross was in The Chipmunks. That's it. That's the nail in the coffin. Ratatouille's a good movie, though.

It's great. It's Pixar. You can't go wrong. That's really fascinating. I've never done an animated role. I feel like you would do those. I would love to do an animated. Oh, my God. I could be a pigeon. I could voice feel like you would do i would love to do an animated i could be a pigeon i could voice a pigeon i feel like yeah what's mark you're like a squirrel or something a mongoose or something rodent you're like a new

york pigeon you've never done a i feel like you could do a pixar movie or something i had my first animated um thing what you do is you go to the table read and they write it kind of like with I feel like you could do a Pixar movie or something. I had my first animated thing. What you do is you go to the table read and they write it kind of like with your mannerisms in mind. The first one, it was like back in the day when like T.J. Miller got every job. Yes. You know what I mean? He's got a great voice. He does.

He has a great voice. Until he's had about 14 drinks. He's been a great voice. He's the voice. He's been a great voice. Yeah. So he's there. He's playing like every role probably and then uh i was a sex it was like air the airplanes like spin-off and i was like a like a a slutty jet uh-huh who was always like getting to like

causing problems she's not a virgin and it like it totally come up and see me sometime yeah yeah plane right and i didn't i was so grateful to have a job in that space because i'm not known And it totally come up and see me sometimes as a plane. And I was so grateful to have a job in that space because I'm not known for having a voice that's soothing. People don't think of my voice as something they want to isolate and listen to. And then later, the guy that ran the studio was fired for sexual harassment and all this crazy stuff. And they were like, that was totally inappropriate. He should have been the voice. Yeah. All the executives were like, we're so sorry like that was very creepy and i was like i i

didn't think so yeah wow was that pixar i don't remember it was what that one of the yeah the movie just went away you didn't get to do it and a lot of animated movies like movies in general you know you're like attached and they get new writers and it takes forever and i don't know if it ever happened yeah they book a lot of comedians for these like pets and all these you know uh spider-man and mulaney in it but once they go back that was another good movie too that was a great movie the spider-verse the new one i haven't seen it yet no the one with the cartoon oh yeah incredible yeah what's the last movie you saw in a theater 1918. that year no well that's the last.

1917. 1917. Yeah. No, I saw Joe List and Louie's movie. Of course. I saw that at the Beacon. But other than that, 1917's the last movie I saw in a theater. That's crazy.

I want to see Top Gun. I'm going tomorrow. What's the last one you've seen? In Austin. I'm going to go. Yeah. That's fun. That's my last movie.

Top Gun? Top Gun. And you know, it's cheese, it's Americana, but by the end, you're like, you got like a MAGA hat on. You're all in. Running into schools with guns. Yeah. Stopping abortions. It's great.

You really get like riled up in that one. Yeah. It's fun. I feel like I don't go see movies in theaters. I do feel like I see documentaries. I don't go see movies in theaters. I do feel like I see documentaries. And my new thing is that I'll watch a documentary and talk about it as if I have a PhD.

Right. And it's also documentaries. The subject matter isn't even like cerebral anymore. No. It's like discrimination in Abercrombie and Fitch. And I'm like, you guys, I saw this documentary last night. Right, right. Which, by the way, we've all seen those stories.

We could have assumed. Yeah, we knew. That's why's why they were shirtless that's what we liked about there was two man boys outside shirtless what more do you need they were like they only had white employees were like yeah you can't get away with the shit in thailand are you kidding me but wait do you remember that abercrombie and Fitch used to make T-shirts with very racist against Asian? No, I don't. Really? As soon as I saw them, I remembered right away. I feel like I definitely bought one of those in a Buffalo exchange for a couple bucks. Wait a minute.

What are we drinking today, by the way? Oh. And let's keep on that, Sal. Stay on that. I'm making an Eastern Standard right now. I've never heard of this drink. Whitney requested it. But it's with tequila, which is unusual because it's normally a gin drink, actually.

Oh, I didn't know that. Because the Eastern Standard is actually from Soho House. Like, they made it popular. Oh, really? I am the worst person ever. Oh, my God. Even when I try to be cool, I'm cartoon Hollywood asshole.

No, it was highly rated when I looked it up. No, I thought, okay, this is how much of a basic fucking ignorant bitch I am. I am the worst. I hate myself. So I went to a dinner with someone once at the Sunset Tower Hotel, an agent who ordered an Eastern Standard.

And I was like, oh, this must be like an old time old-timey drink from, like, the 1850s. Right. Like, in the Apothecary or something. And it's the official, like, drink of the Soho House. Yeah. And it's a gin drink, which is based on something called the Eastern. I know. Like, I talk, I, like, think that I'm, like, classy and, like, know some shit.

Yeah. So it's actually, like, it derives from a gin gimlet the original one gimlet that's what i thought it was just like gin and the lime cordial but this is a tequila we just wore the we just wore these shirts to the dave matthews band concert hike your skirt up a little more how'd it go hey little girl show your world to me Oh yeah good innuendo Pretty subtle The Wong brothers Not great

Although that podcast would do great If Bobby and his brother would just do a podcast together If you don't want to be right Like this stuff So there was a huge class action Lawsuit That Asian employees sued And a bunch of them, like they would hire diverse employees,

but they would never call them in for shifts. So they're like, we don't have any shifts for you. Damn. Wow. So they could, and then they called in like an investigator. What would you call it? Like a forensics, like someone that comes in to like investigate your company.

Uh-huh. And like a diversity consultant or someone that came coming and tell a secret shopper company ah Okay, diversity Come in and tell you what you needed to fix right and the guy just went everyone black you're cold and sick today This is crazy. Yeah, what are they? Do you know that sickle-cell anemia? No, the guy was like I couldn't help them like there was either was I couldn't even wow I didn't take the job like they offered me all the way it was like they were too far gone oh and the photographer of all these fucked the boys what yes wow what a run no it was not her brits it was another guy

close her brits is a great name though for for some of her boys yeah that's so because your last name is like a children's cracker. Oh, yeah. Right? That's true. It sounds like a pedo. Yes, that does sound fancy. It is funny that Ritz... Bruce Weber.

Bruce Weber, yeah. That's the guy. And the guys tell stories. They're all working in saloons now and seeing your frogs as waiters. Well, if you're going to fuck boys, those Abercrombie dudes were hunks. He's like what

would hitler want to fuck that is some top shelf boy fucking right yeah totally it's very like nazi porn yeah that's what abercrombie and fitch was they definitely did not have jewish models for sure no we're trying to run a business they kept them in the attic. Nazis were hot. Remember that Nazi in Indiana Jones? She was gorgeous. Oh. The blonde lady. I feel like, look, if Kim Basinger was in, like, in Earth, not Earth Girls Are Easy. My stepmother.

Was the alien. Is an alien. Yeah. Have you seen that movie recently? I know. My stepmother's. It's incredible. She's hot.

She's not only hot, she's so funny. Really? Like, you know how hard it is for me to say another woman's funny. Yeah hot she's not only hot she's so funny really like you know how hard it is for me to say another woman's funny yeah that's true to say yeah kim basinger that's not kim basinger oh yeah no no that's the nazi she was the mom in eight mile like that was kind of yeah but la confidential won the oscar hands down the most beautiful woman to ever live you think so what do you think she think? She's hot. I would say Michelle Pfeiffer. I like Rachel Ray. Rachel Ray? Yeah.

I'm a big honey boo boo guy. By the way, Rachel Ray, have you been around her? No. She's really sexy. I can see that. She's sexy and like this perky, because she's gorgeous. Is she? Her skin is incredible.

Oh, I wish she was attractive. No, but I'm saying she's got this like magnetism and this charisma. She seems like she does anal. Like she has a fun, positive vibe about her. Hopefully she didn't make turkey chili that day. Impossible turkey chili. That impossible diarrhea, I do not recommend. It's bad, right?

It's impossibly bad. You're not vegan, are you? No. No? I feel like a lot of west coast people are v I feel like it starts over there and then it works its way it doesn't always mean healthy that's true that's true I think that's the thing about being is all that like seitan and tofu it's just like sodium it's just trash and can you eat ass if you're vegan that's an honest question if the person's ass you're eating is vegan.

Ah, good point, good point. Is that a reach around that we can do? What is... Right. Yeah, you're right. It's not always healthy, but you do hear about like reduced inflammation and stuff. Like some pro athletes go vegan and they just add like three years to their career. Okay, you're not wrong.

Because most of it breaks down into sugar, which is... Is this nine and a half weeks? No, this is... Oh, that is... this is a comedy movie. Oh, that's Dan Aykroyd. Yep. My dad looked exactly like that. He used to sign autographs as Dan Aykroyd when I was a kid.

Whoa. Wow. I thought he was Dan Aykroyd. Yeah, she's so hot. Oh, she was the most gorgeous ever. Yeah. This movie is shocking. Wow, the 80s, huh?

She's an alien that comes down, and it's wild because she's kind of like a child in a way because she's this young girl. Like, yeah, she's like this baby alien and a big woman's body. Like, remember Big? Yeah. I was trying to make a little bit of a play of like, he was technically 13, even though he was in a 30 year old man's body and Elizabeth Perkins was 30. So that was creepy.

It's like, you fucking nerds yes it's a fucking comedy you know this is an argument I'm trying to make you did text saying like premises like that I'm like working on for jokes let's post real quick and then get into it to Whitney's relapse

I love you yeah I do think my rock bottom was last time you were on my podcast that That was a wild adventure. That was fun. I saw pictures of that. Five-hour excursion. I did not know that you guys would have to drink the drink I picked. Oh, no, it's part of the fun.

This is delightful. You ate it? Okay. No, it's delicious. I would have tried to cook it. I don't think, I like the whole drink in the same drink thing. You know what? I don't like the ordering different.

I like being on the same level. drink thing. I don't like the ordering different. I like being on the same level. I like that too because there is something that really drives a wedge between us when you order something else. Because there's a judgment.

Oh, can I have a whiskey sour? I'll have a Jack and Coke. That's not the night I was having. Oh, we're getting a divorce? I thought we were celebrating. This is what it's like to date any woman right now, by the way. Breeding into everything. At least then, though, it's still whiskey.

I mean, someone's doing mezcal, another person's doing wine. I'm like, we're all over the place here. What are we doing? Mark and I like doing the same drink. That's the right thing. Yeah, that's nice. But the ultimate bad one is when you're drinking and they're like, I'll have a seltzer. And you're like, you've got to drink with me. I can't sit here and drink alone. It's it's nice. But the ultimate bad one is when you're drinking and they're like, I'll have a seltzer. And you're like, you gotta drink with me. I can't sit here and drink alone.

It's the worst feeling. Yeah, I could have stayed at home and done this. Yeah, or if you get ice cream and they get a salad, you're like, this sucks. You're gonna be breaking the rules. When you're being bad and they're being good. That's the way to put it. It is annoying. I would say if you're being good for whatever reason you need, just don't come.

Just don't come out. Because I just feel judged. I can't come when I're being good for whatever reason you need just don't come just don't come because i just feel judged i can't come when i'm being good i feel attacked how do you feel about people blaming their bad choices on the specific alcohol they drank oh that's fun you know when people like i can't have whiskey i cannot cannot have whiskey. I call my exes. And you're like, that's no-gen racist. I used to have Humphrey Bogart as my screen, lock screen thing, because it would be like, Bogie wouldn't call an ex. You know what I mean?

Interesting. Be like Bogie. Wow, mine was my ex. Don't call her. Mine was actually your ex. There was a minute where Blackberrieserrys, if you did BBM, the person could see how you programmed them in. What? BlackBerry Messenger.

You don't remember? Oh, I never had one. Me neither, but I knew what it was. Yeah, because I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember the font. It was BlackBerry. It was the one with the roller on the side. Yeah, I remember the roller, the golden tee. That's how I learned to work a clit. I remember the font. It was Blackberry. It was the one with the roller on the side. Yeah, I remember the roller, the golden tee.

So if I- That's how I learned to work a clit. I do that thing right there. By the way, I do feel like guys that age have like a tunnel. But there was a time where they could see how you program them. And there was one time this guy that I was like, do not ever answer. Like he was just like a morass of just like nightmare. He would just like suck you in like a vampire. That doesn doesn't have the roller though get the roller get the roller i literally

wrote like loser slash do not pick up oh i'm 22 and i'm like this is when he calls i'm gonna see We're going to talk about shop. Come on. I mean, look, I would never call him. I don't want to burst his cauliflower ear. There's your roller. All right. There was one on the side also, I think. That's right. Like a scroll.

But I remember. I feel like if people knew how I saved them, they would not be. If they were like, you saved me as older woman, Tampa, you know, like, yeah, like literally like Cincinnati honey allergy. Yeah. Yeah. Like redhead Tampa. That's exactly. I have Rachel Ray anal.

So do you think that it's true that a different side of people like comes out with different liquors i don't think so i think it's just booze they don't do that with other shit on heroin i'm good but black tar it's so true but i will say though i think like a wine drunk is different from the whiskey drunk like i think certain drunks like i'm silly when i drink wine i'm like it's more gossipy. Yeah, like, whiskey, I'm a little more... Well, is that the sugar?

Is that white wine or red wine? Same shit. I mean, for me, at least. But whiskey is a different... But I know what you're saying, like, tequila, like, around there. But I feel like vodka

is a different drunk. But not to the extreme. I agree with what you're saying. Not to the extreme of, like, I did something... Yeah. Totally. I'm with you. But saying. Not to the extreme of like I did something. Yeah, totally. I'm with you.

I really enjoy watching people use that to convince themselves that everything's fine. Exactly. Like, nope, no rosé ever again. No rosé. We are done with rosé. They truly are like, no more. Don't need therapy. I'm done.

That was the only problem. Exactly. And then just waiting. No, Rose, I'm a Long Island iced tea guy now. Yeah, yeah, I do totally. You know what? It was the sugar. So I need the potato vodka.

But we're all of a certain age now. I feel like you found your booze and you go with it. Like, what is your go-to? I feel safe with this drink. I'm comfortable with this drink. I know my limits. I think we've all mastered a certain booze. You're vodka. I'm tequila. I thought you were off tequila.

I'm back. I can't leave it. I knew you were tequila. I'm tequila and I don't have a reason for it. I'm sure it's just placebo. I've decided that I'm not a vodka person because every bad choice I made has been on vodka but it was also all in my 20s so right i'm like didn't blame the vodka yeah you know but i just like i have a bad like do you have any like sensory things where you're not allergic to it or it shouldn't make you sick but you just have bad

memory like i smell vodka and i just think of like nightclubs called like area. Yeah. And guys named Taylor. Right. Guys being like, can you help me put myself on tape? Like I just, like vodka, like I'm so sensitive. That's not alcohol. That's Los Angeles, by the way. Right. That's LA.

I'm so sensitive with smells. Yeah. I don't know. It takes me like right back. Same, same. Yeah. I don't know if there's one that, no alcohol really. Do you have one?

Rum and Coke is very child. That's college. Southern Comfort. Southern Comfort will fuck me up. Dude, have you had Mike's Hard Lemonade recently? Oh, we used to shotgun those. It's awful. Dude, we were, I don't know where I was touring.

I feel like Chelsea Lynn was there. I don't, but we went and Mike's Hard Lemonade has new ones that are like raspberry and blueberry. And we just like, it was so fun. That was good times. Smirnoff Ice. Remember you've been iced and you would have to drink it? The iced, yes. They tap the top and then it overflows and you're like, oh.

That had a real moment. That was pre-White Claw. But that's great branding. Like just frat kid, there's a game attached to your dumb drink. Yeah, and you have to chug it. So you need more and more and more. Do you remember like drinking so much that you like

looked forward to puking so you could just start over? I never could do it. I had friends who just went and they would puke and be right back and I couldn't do it. Yeah, I just remember being like,

I really, see, I never could make myself puke, but when I would, I was always like, oh, thank God, I feel so much better. I know, I was jealous of you people. Yes, it was like, oh God, now I can start again. Like, what

kind of idiot? But you're just talking about anorexia. Huh? That's a different thing. That was a totally different thing. That was the one good choice I made in my 20s. But it's just so weird to think back when you were like, we just didn't know what we were

doing. I know, it's crazy to think how many years we probably took off our lives. Did you guys play Power Hour? So, listen, Mark says, it's crazy to think how many years we took off our lives. We have a drinking podcast, dude. But it's still not healthy. No, it's not healthy for sure. And we drink on the road. But the stress, I mean, you could also make the argument that the stress you would admit if you didn't do things where you chill.

Good point. I had this dietician. Like, everyone's got their healers and their fucking stones and stuff. make the argument that the stress you would admit if you didn't do things where you chill so good point i had this dietician like everyone's got their healers and their fucking stones and stuff i'm like let me talk to a real dietician like explain to me like what can i eat what can i not eat like i'm just confused and she was like the cortisol that you're going to emit stressing out about eating the right thing is way worse for you than just having mcdonald's interesting that actually is the like emits cortisol that's actually the basis for the movie eating the right thing is way worse for you than just having McDonald's. Interesting. Is that true? Whoa. That actually is like amidst cortisol. That's actually the basis for the movie Super Size Me.

Super Size Me. So I'll just eat it every meal then. But you know, you hear about those old ladies are like, I drank a pint of scotch every day, had eggs and bacon and three cigarettes. And you're like, you're 98. Yeah. Because you probably didn't stress about it. But we're talking about that because that's an outlier.

That's why we're talking about that. Good point. Good point. I mean, interesting. You're that guy. that because that's an outlier. That's why we're talking about that. Good point. I mean, interesting. You're that guy. I'm a pessimist. I'm still drinking, but I'm just a realist.

We're Texas people now, Sam. It's all a simulation, dude. We don't care about data. Get out of here, you fucking buzzkill. I am being a buzzkill right now. Or as others it a realist we are killing ourselves let's enjoy it yeah yeah okay i think that the amount of stress that it uh you know it's not making your life a nightmare sure like i think actually makes you they say that our life span is going to go down from covid not from getting covid but from stressing out i heard the same thing like

heart disease at 65. Right. And all these kids are fucked up because now they have less social skills and yada yada. I do see kids in masks when I get sad. That is a bummer. Well, it's great news that you don't get happy or a boner. I didn't say anything about a boner. Yeah.

I would hope so. But also maybe they're preparing for the life they're gonna have uh yeah you know what i mean good point true maybe they'll just be a you know hopefully just keep constantly i don't know well you gotta have a balance yeah you know that's true like cosby you know america's dad sweater pull your pants up and then the other thing that's cosby's problem he never found a balance No he had a balance Have you seen the video of him leaving the courthouse

When he does the Fat Albert impression I have it's a classic I haven't seen that It is bone chilling He still got it It's more like what goes into the thought Of deciding whether he's going to do it or not I heard he booked the role of a sexy plane after this.

Still got the voice down. This guy could get a cartoon. That's amazing. What happened in his mind right there? Yeah. Whoa. That's up there with the Kevin Spacey video. Remember that one?

But was that a comic bombing who couldn't bomb? Oh. I wouldn't call that a bomb. I just mean that he couldn't walk by without making a joke. Yes. Yeah, that's a comic. You know what I mean? He had to get something in.

At the end of the day, you're like, my man. You know what I mean? Funny till the end. And he kept it clean. Yes. Still a the day, you're like, my man. You know what I mean? Funny till the end. And he kept it clean. Yes. Still a clean joke. And gave. He gave hard.

Yeah. The L4 got involved. That's good. The good thing about being a comic is Weinstein didn't have a moment like that. He just kind of sunk. Yeah, that's true.

As a comic, you get that one last laugh. Yes. Good point. Good point. And it actually kind of broke my heart in this weird way

or felt kind of poignant because it's like everyone, I don't know, we can always pretend we're okay. And there's something kind of private about, I don't know, there's something kind of like cool, really lonely about it. But I don't know. It's a force field. You have this defense mechanism at the end of the day. But I love the idea of him on the trial on the stand like, ooh, I'm going to do that.

I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to do that. I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to do that. The fact that everyone's so mad at him and he's like, how do I make all these people that already hate me laugh? Yes, exactly. Like, I don't even care that you hate me. I still want to make you laugh. Right.

That's all I know. Yeah, it's kind of brilliant. He turned a room. He did. I don't know about that. What's better than making someone that hates you laugh? That is nice. Almost better than someone that likes you. Yeah. It is true. Yeah. One time I got't know about that. What's better than making someone that hates you laugh? That is nice. Almost better than someone that likes you.

Yeah. It is true. One time I got my mom to laugh. There is something that, you're right. I mean, it's like, it's just human nature. If you're hanging out with someone, you're like, I don't think this person likes me, and you get them to laugh. That's nice.

There is something about that. The involuntary thing. It's also, it's wild that our default is that people would pretend. Isn't that weird? But we do that. Because we're the ones guilty of it. Like, people come up to us and are like, I saw this thing happen. They're like, that's funny, man.

Good point. We're the ones that fake it the majority of the time. But what about the guy in the front row doing this shit? And you're like, you showed up. You bought a ticket. Why are you mad at me? Yeah. Yeah.

That might just be them. That just might be how they are. Yeah, maybe. I remember there was a comic who passed away, William Stevenson. He was like the grumpiest guy on the planet. I loved him, but he was never in a good mood. And if you got him to laugh, it made your night. That was nice.

You know, something something about people like that who are that. Because he meant it. You know, you really earned that laugh. You broke him out of this like grumpy funk. Yeah. You know, the only thing about that that I feel like I have to contribute about the person in the front row, the guy that's just staring, you won't laugh? Number one, I'll take anything above the girl who thinks you need a backup dancer or to

repeat what you said. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I went down the street. Where'd you go? Down the street? Yeah. The girl that's like, yeah, so I'm going through a breakup. Oh, girl. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Preach. Preach. Anything's better than that. How about this guy? where'd you go down the street yeah like a girl that's like yeah so i'm going through breakup oh

girl i'm so sorry like yeah preach preach anything's better than that how about this guy they don't they don't laugh they don't clap they do that they do this oh or by the way true oh like yeah bitch i know i know it's worked out leave me alone here you go and um that guy's okay. And also, I think a lot of people get nervous when they're in the front row. Yes. And they're scared. And I never knew that until truly a couple days ago. I was at the comedy store and there was a guy that was sitting alone. And he wasn't laughing hard enough for everyone else really was.

And I could only think about him. And I had to understand why he agreed with me that the jokes weren't that good. Everyone thought they were better than they were. And I was like, hey, what's your deal? And he just looked at me and he was just like, I'm nervous. Oh, wow. He just said it. Damn. Whereas I feel like a couple of years ago, he just was like said his feelings. I was like,

of course you are. Trained ninjas are coming at you exactly with the intention of embarrassing you in front of a crowd totally and we're the only art form or whatever you want to call it that people don't want the front row every music show i got the best tickets i'm in the front for this band or whatever i had a gig recently there was like an old guy who's like i don't want to sit in the front the guy at the door is like no one's gonna make fun he was like please i don't he's sit in the front. The guy at the door was like, no one's going to make fun. He was like, please, I don't. He's like, no one's going to say anything. The second he sits down, the host goes, look at this old motherfucker. Out of the gate.

That's not even original. I know. Old motherfucker. Look how old this guy is. He's like, I am old. Fuck. I was at the Ice House once, and this is, I don't know what was going on with this night, but there was definitely like some laziness going on in comedy.

I don't know. I think it was just because there was like, remember when you were always doing showcases and whatever. Again, it's called Los Angeles. Yeah. That was the last one. City of Angels. And for whatever reason out of Pasadena, I think it was before sort of comics like us were really working out there.

It was kind of like a random group that wasn't really in the comedy store in the improv circuit. And probably more people that did like, I don't know, like I was going to say ships, casinos and like that kind of stuff little hackier yeah or just whatever but roadier i was like the fourth or fifth person on and i'm like sitting watching the person in front of me and uh the comic goes hey so where are you from a guy stood up in the middle of the audience and went he's from dallas he's from tamp. He's from Pasadena. Can you please just tell some jokes? I kind of respect that.

Damn. It was like, that's like one of those moments you witness in your life that changes you. Yes. Forever. I'll never do that again. That's when he gets on stage. He pushes you out of the way. He's like, I got this.

Let me do it. I'm the comedian now. Hey, hey, hey. Like forever changed you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because everyone, no comic watches the other comic so

then you go up there you all do some crowd work it's always good to watch i know we all avoid watching comedy because you don't want to absorb shit you don't want to repeat shit but like it is good to watch the comic before you just to just to see the room yeah being an audience member in watching crowd work unless it's like your hero and like wildly just special for. If you're headlining a show and doing crowd work, it's very different than being on a showcase and doing crowd work. A hundred percent. It was people in a showcase. Over and over and over.

Why do I have to hear about where that part like. Yeah. It's so insane when you think about how self indulgent it is. Yes. Make me laugh. I bought a ticket. I want to hear some ideas, some jokes. And you're just like, look at this fucking shirt on the homo.

Psychotic. I used to host at Caroline's. I would host there, and you did too. Oh, yeah. And you really, I always avoided crowd work. For me, crowd work was like, I'll do it if I have to. But I would open with jokes, and if the jokes weren't hidden, I'd talk a little to weave into the jokes.

But I'm like, I'm the point guard here. I'm setting up the show. It's not my job to do crowd work. Not a lot of comics think like that. And that's why you two are you. Because you know, like, you know, I see so many super talented people that just didn't get what I think they wanted because they were really funny at crowd work. If you're really good at it, it's hard to follow your own crowd work with jokes sometimes. That's true.

You know, I'll have another one. The worst one I ever saw was, this is at the Cellar, I won't say who it is. Oh, heck. But it was a lot of crowd work, and he was doing well. He was killing. But he looked at a guy who wasn't laughing, and he goes, what's your problem, man? And he goes, I'm just waiting for material. Oh.

And the guy just sunk. He was crushed, because it just cut him to the core and he wasn't trying to be mean. But here's the other thing I'll say. Okay, do you feel there was material that just felt like it wasn't or did it feel like it was just like super self-indulgent?

It felt pretty crowd, you know, this shirt, I'll talk slower, where are you from, Jersey, you know. When it's great crowd work, it can be magical. That's true. It is like,

have you seen like- Especially when someone you know has true. Because it is like, have you seen like, Especially when someone you know has already proven that they're great writers and you're like, oh, like the first time I saw Daniel Tosh do crowd work,

I had like a different level just of respect for him because it's like, his jokes were so tight or whatever and I kind of, not that that's a bad thing, that's what I do too,

you know, but I remember seeing him do crowd work, it's like, it's even cooler. Yeah, because he's a great writer. Knowing that you could do this the shortcut todd barry's a great example i mean we always talk about like great you know crowd but todd is great material and then you see him

do crowd work and you're like oh it's in the rhythm of your act this is like just watching your act right he did a whole tour that was crowd that's right a whole special yeah did you ever see the joke he used to do about br Pitt? Uh-uh. So funny. Classic, yeah. It's in his presents, right? Yes. Oh! You've seen that.

Dry to the bone, dry to the bone. Yeah. Hanging off the bone. Todd is a classic. Yeah. Hanging off the bone, I think it's called. What's going on with Tosh? He's like one of my favorites.

He's like this most mysterious comedian. Thank you. Thank you, Jamie. This is delicious. He is kind of mysterious, isn't he? He, um. That's so good. The cucumber makes this, by the way.

Holy shit. It's like a margarita, but not too sugary. I love it. Right? You put a little mint in it. It's kind of like, I don't know. Are you close with Daniel Tosh? I'm not close with Daniel Tosh.

No one is. No one is. I know him from back in the day I thought Todd Glass was close I thought someone like Swartzen maybe Swartzen Sarah Tiana

Oh okay I think Candace Thompson maybe would go on the road with him But yeah I do know Sarah Tiana opens for him And she's like so normal and wonderful Like he can't Sarah Tiana during the roast battle once said to me I laugh at my own jokes and that

it makes sense because it looks like my eyebrows are high-fiving oh that's fun that's pretty good eyebrows I am so into

just savage insults right now that aren't even too well thought out yeah those are called slurs my the only way

I can come yeah so I was like looking through this was a while ago like some instagram like comment or something and someone just wrote like fuck you you cancer hooker whoa and i literally like laughed out loud you're just throwing words together that's a one two but it's just like an unexpected pairing yeah It's so mean that it's not. Right. Swartz was on my podcast like a couple of months ago and he was telling a story about

Marin, which is so funny. He tells a story about how, you know, like when you do Mark Marin's podcast, like he always opens with how much he hates you. Yeah. And he was like, he was like, I knew that, you know, that happens to most people. But like we were like roommates. We've been like so close for like 20 years. Like we live together. And he goes on Marin's podcast and Marin opens with, I've always, you know, that happens with most people, but like we were like roommates, we've been like so close for like 20 years. Like we lived together and he goes on Marin's podcast

and Marin opens with like, I've always fucking hated you, man. And Swartzen's like, what? Wow. What a piece of shit. All those times we like went to like, like years. Oh, thank you, Jamie.

Like years, we lived like roommates. I always fucking hated you. Like it just, it was this hilarious story. I was just so excited to hear more that I was like, well, and then, and I sort of, I interrupted and I was like, and then did you? And he was like, if you would let me finish. And then I was like, sorry, you're just taking forever. And he goes, sorry, I'm not an Adderall mannequin.

Whoa. Damn. That's great. Marin had a bit I loved where he, because it goes back to like we were talking about the crowd and just assuming they hate us. And he had a bit, I think it was on one of his first albums, where he saw this guy, some biker guy,

just like looking at him angry during every, he's killing for everyone, but this one biker looking guy hates him. Yeah. And he's like, this guy fucking hates Jews. Like he's an anti-Semite. I know what his head, he's like, fuck you Jew boy. And then he walks up to him after the show

and the guy's wife is like, oh, you were so funny. And the guy, he goes, yeah, what do you think head is. He's like, fuck you, Jew boy. And then he walks up to him after the show and the guy's wife is like, oh, you were so funny. And the guy, he goes, yeah, what do you think? And the guy's like, great show. And he goes, shit, that means that guy lives in my head. Oh. That's such a relatable bit. That's deep. Well, that's all this guy is with the arms crossed. That's you.

It's a mirror. It's a mirror. It really is. I know. It validates every thought it's the insecure narcissism of like i'm a piece of shit in the center of the universe i heard you were marin though i don't think he was he wasn't mean to you okay no is he not no i'm joking no it's marin has this ability that was also so long ago yeah that i'm sure i was not articulate or i was probably scared or blabbing but i i marin has the ability to kind of like just destroy you with something that's devastating. Yeah.

But not ostensibly hurtful to someone that's not in comedy. Yes. It's like a pinprick. But only comedians would get how mean it is. Yeah, exactly. He insulted me opening for him. I was opening for him while i was opening from like probably 11 or 12 years ago and i remember i wasn't doing great on one of the shows and i

busted out some like offensive jokes to try to like be like fuck you yeah and we were in the car riding back and i was saying like i did that because i wasn't getting them and that's why i did that and he goes i know what you were doing and fucking killed me just him saying i know what you were doing i was like oh my god i was trying to explain it and he just was like oh that's so married he also called me a hide the jew he's like you don't uh address that you're a jew on stage enough i don't get what do you got to do go up there with a yarmulke it's obvious yeah but then i saw him years later in Montreal, and I said, I mention it more on stage now because of you. And he goes, I got to you.

He lives in your head. That's true. So, Marin, no, I did his show, and we were talking about comedy, and he was like, so you write jokes. Nah, I hate that shit. You know what I mean? It was, this was also 10 years ago when I think I was definitely more,

um, punchy. Like, yes, there was no fat. And I really, it was all about showcasing the joke, you know?

And, um, it's like being a woman who was physical, it was kind of annoying to people. Like it was hard to have too much energy. So I think I was just trying to be less shrill or something. He was like, so you write jokes.

That's it. It's just like, ugh. That's what he does too, I think. I try to be funny. Remember Geraldo on Tough Crowd? Yes, I am here to make people laugh. Sorry. I know, I did the work.

Sorry, you just like puns fall make people laugh. Right. Sorry. I know. I did the work. Excuse me. I'm sorry you just, like, puns fall out of everyone else's mouths perfectly. Well, in the early WTF days, like, it was scary to listen to that. Because he would be really mean to something like that. That was the whole show, was just that tension. That Dane Cook one was wild. That was crazy. The Carlos.

When he did the part two with Mencia where it's like, he's like, I wasn't mean enough. I'm going back for a second round. And I was like, holy shit. So uncomfortable. And comedians are like, daddy, please make me. We're driving to Los Feliz to sit in his garage to get our spanking. I know. Then I compliment his house to hell and back.

I'm like, oh, that's a nice painting there. Has anyone showed up in bondage? That should be what you do. I was so fucking allergic to his cats everywhere. I'm like itching, swelling. He's like, did you fuck up your face with surgery? I'm like, I'm swelling from your 900 fucking cats. It's just so weird what comedians.

He's giving you an allergic reaction and nagging you. Yeah. Boomer. I do love the podcast, by the way. I do too. I'm proud to be on it. My mom will call me and be like, I just listened to a Marc Maron podcast. And I was like, what do you think?

She's like, he's just so neurotic and so unbearable. And I'm like, and she goes, and he's great. Yeah. It's addictive. It's addictive. I mean, Orny Adams was on recently. I was just going to say that. And it was-

It was like an old ep. Riveting. It was riveting. It was a great one. I got to listen to that one. It's fun. But I love an insult where someone doesn't even know it's an insult. Like Jeremy Piven was on a show recently at the comedy store and Mark Maron went after

him and went, keep it going for the actor. Oh, man. Jesus Christ. See, now there's a part of me that's funny, but I'm also like, how come you get to be mean? Like, can we be mean to you? Because if we're mean to him, it turns into a whole thing and he fights back and he yells at you. And I'm like, I'm just doing what you do. Yeah, yeah.

I think the business was mean. Yeah, I don't know. I don't get that. Yeah. A couple other guys would do that. I think that all comedians, I don't get that. Yeah. A couple other guys would do that. I think that if you, I think that all comedians, Yeah. I think we're fair

for the most part with each other. Like, you know, because a great comedian has to be self-aware. So if a comedian, if someone's, if we're like play fighting

with each other or sparring with each other and someone really gets their feelings hurt, it's either I agree with it or it just wasn't funny enough. Right. But I think if you're

only sparring with people that are at the same level of your intelligence that you actually respect so it doesn't get. Am I making any sense? It's got to be tit for tat. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I put him up here. He's a guy when I started he was a big dude. Big influence for both of us.

Big influence. Big fan. Yeah. But then it's like the shitting on is fine. I'm all for ball busting. But he's one of those guys when you do it back all hell breaks loose and i'm like well i'm just doing we're different generations i mean i do think there's a thing like when you did this podcast i listened to you on him he wasn't mean to you i think that when there's a generation removed with him it's

different than when it's someone he came up with yeah that's when he those were the people he's mean to i think yeah so i do think there is like. It's like, what now, bitch? Right. It's kind of like that in a way. Which, by the way, I mean, think about it. Like, if that dynamic is any. Because it's like, he was the one that was sort of too edgy for network. Or not sort of doing the bullshit required to sanitize himself.

Or not the, you know, whatever. The cartoon, like, perfect paragon of like, whatever. And then all of a sudden sitcoms start dying. And then he's doing what everyone else thinks is a plan b yep and it becomes the biggest thing yep and then they're groveling to be on his show right i'd be it'd be very hard to resist being a little for sure no it's a good point that's true i remember when he did think about all his friends that didn't hire him yeah for sitcom parts in writers rooms like think about all the people he wasn't almost famous do you remember the chevy chase roasts were like chevy chase i don't know if you guys remember this

but none of his friends show up todd barry was there todd barry was great but apparently everyone bombed that's why everyone said it's like two and a half minutes if you watch the actual roast but i remember marin had a had a joke at the roast where he said, I heard Chevy Chase saying, who are all these nobodies? He goes, yeah, we're nobodies at the beginning of our careers. I was like, that's a fucking biting joke.

Jesus. That hurts me so much because Chevy Chase, like, God, like Three Amigos was my- We were just talking about it. I love that movie. It's Tropic Thunder, pre-Tropic Thunder. It's my movie. I mean, every time I go outropic Thunder, pre-Tropic Thunder. It's my movie.

I mean, every time I go out to eat, it's like everyone around me is like that. Do you guys have anything besides Mexican food? I acted out. My dad, when he picked me up from school, would hide behind a car and go, look up here. Look up there. Look up. It's a sweater. Plethora.

I know that whole movie. John Lovitz. We will rape the horses. So very old one The best Yeah yeah The little plane With the balls

Yeah So wait So we're infamous We're more than famous Yeah We were just talking Are there any like Bad movies that you love

Like Like a critically Critically Just destroyed movie Anything ever Guilty pleasure shit Can I tell you something Yeah MacGruber.

That's a great movie. Excellent. Well, I guess it didn't do well. But it's a great movie. That's true. Excellent. That's like the hardest I've laughed. Have you seen that movie? I've never seen it. Dude. Everyone I like likes it. Jamie? It's so funny. It's amazing. It is so funny. Can I tell you what else is funny?

Hit me. I'm thinking about it and laughing because one time I was in LA Fitness and it was on the TV and I had to step off the elliptical. The sound was off. This is, you guys are going to hate me. Two girls, one cup. Paul Blart Mall Cup.

I've never seen it. The sound's off. I mean, Kevin James is an amazing physical actor. I don't know if I just had low blood sugar, but him falling off the fucking little scooter thing yeah what do you call that physical comedian yeah have you ever seen the um my favorite thing of all time is uh um fucking um john ritter trying to get in a hammock have you seen this youtube video yes yes it's like three minutes of him trying to get in a hammock. Gold. And it's genius. I've never seen it.

Can you just do, yeah, John Ritter. There we go. And you're like, oh, I know what this is going to be. This is not going to get me. God damn it. It is so stupid. Oh, I can't wait. I haven't seen this in years.

But try to predict what he's going to do. It's everything is, like the first one you thought would be kind of subtle yeah he went so hard on the first one like everything defies what you think i love the idea of him practicing this off screen like all right this is what i'm gonna do first how much do you think he practiced because we've all been there with a hammock. I know, but his face, it's just like, it is so stupid. That's a throwback, too, to like Vaudeville. It goes on and on, by the way. It goes on for like seven minutes or something.

That was network television. Yeah. Back in the day. That was a good time. Yes, can I tell you, I remember, who were they, Jackie and, what were they? No, fuck, that's Roseanne. Suzanne Summers?

No, Janet and Chrissy. Yeah. You talking about the Laverne and Shirley? Oh, Three's Company, yeah, fuck. That's Roseanne. Suzanne Somers? No, Janet and Chrissy. Yeah. You talking about the Laverne and Shirley? Oh, Three's Company. Yeah, sorry. Yeah. Yeah, Suzanne Somers. Suzanne Somers.

And Suzanne Somers, she was like the first actress, right, that was replaced on TV by another actress. The character was, and like, we just went along with it. We just went along with it, like Aunt Viv. Can you imagine doing that in a show today? Just don't acknowledge. What's the last show to do that? The Breaking Bad Wife is different.

Roseanne Becky. Oh, yeah. You wrote, didn't you write for the first season? I wrote for the reboot. The reboot. That's crazy. That was a huge show. It was a huge hit until it went away.

Yeah, I mean, I really had high hopes for it. Roseanne growing up was my hero. That show made me want to be a comedian, girl or not, you know. And I remember like growing up, like I was always, I think there's something about, I know you guys like are really self-aware about like anxiety and stress. And like, I know, I don't know what is right for everyone. I don't know how to feel good all the time. I do know that when I can see things that reflect my reality, I feel calmer. And I remember like when I was a kid, I was always like a super anxious kid and super obsessive. And I remember the first time I watched Roseanne,

The Living Room, I was like, that's what my house looks like. Right, right. It was just something of like, because, you know, you always want to know if you're normal. Yes, yes, exactly. Back then there wasn't like any other way to know, and you would just watch TV, and it was like 90210 and all these crazy things, and then I saw Rosanna, and I was like, oh, I'm, it's like when you first see other guys' dicks, and you're like, okay, my dick's fine. Or you see another vagina, and you're like, okay, my vagina's

not weird. I still don't feel that way. But I know what you mean. But yeah, look at that. That's like a Midwestern living room. Yeah. That's an American household. Married with Children came out at the same time. I was always more of a Married with Children guy, personally. Yeah, same. Dude, can I tell you something? Al Bundy was just the truth.

Dude, my hero. I loved him. With the Tang. Remember, he would always make Tang sandwiches? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That show actually now is probably even funnier. I've been re-watching it. It's on Hulu.

Really? Yeah, I need a comfort show before bed, so I watch something light. It's so, and I'm not this person. Marcy is so funny, too. Dude, she's like, and all he does is call her ugly. And she directed like every episode, if you want to hear this. Really? He makes jokes that she has like a dry pussy and she's unfuckable.

It is like the most hilariously sexist show in a way that's like no man has ever been. Right, right. In a way that's like no man has ever been. Right. Right. No man. Men are like, this is rough. I know.

My dad hated it. But she was the first Karen. That was a Karen on TV. It was Darcy. Oh, no. Marcy Darcy. Not I. Marcy.

Oh, yeah. And then Christina Applegate was the daughter. The daughter. The slutty daughter. And David Lastino was the kid. They're all great. He worked at a shoe store. Katie Segal.

Yeah. Katie Segal. Katie Segal is brilliant. She's beautiful. It's so funny that he's annoyed that she wants to fuck him yeah katie seagal is brilliant she's beautiful it's so funny that he's annoyed that she wants to fuck him all the time i'm like she's hot she's that to me was hilarious also the fact that like she's like yeah i know i know like the fact that it was like what's your acting choice like i'm just gonna be a t-rex like did she did she do this in the pilot and then had to commit to it like

how did this it It's amazing. Speaking of flipping, they got rid of the neighbor guy. Right. That's another flip. But I think the second guy's better. Jefferson. Jefferson, yes. Ted McGinley. McGinley.

Oh, that's right. I think that guy was too Jewish, they said. Really? Yeah. No way. That's what I heard. That's what my dad said. Wow, I take back saying he's better.

Fuck that shit. Look at her. Were you, do you still talk to Roseanne? way that's what i heard that's why i take back saying he's better yeah fuck that shit were you uh do you still talk to roseanne i remember meeting her briefly and like being like she's fucking roseanne she's all out to lunch she's literally like we would do auditions to try to cast the girl that was going to play darlene's daughter darlene and david's daughter we had these actresses come in and we're like oh let's have Roseanne read with the actresses, you know, like see their chemistry. And we had to stop because everyone was laughing so hard at Roseanne.

Like her lines were like, hey, where have you been? And she was like, hey, we were crying. I mean, crying. Wow. Crying, laughing. Like she is so funny that it's like, it's like people also, not only is she so funny that it's disarming she like i can't explain it she brings out everyone's like five-year-olds because every whether it's

like she's been so famous for so long or she's just this like has so much space in your head that she's occupied for or it's just that her energy is actually really intense yes yes in a in a way that's not mean it's just fierce it's funny actually really intense. Yes, yes. In a way that's not mean. It's just fierce. It's funny you say that because she was on that show, The Green Room, and her and Patrice are like bonding. And Patrice is, you know, terrifying and mean to everybody. And they bond. And it's these two intense people.

And it was wild to watch. It's a great episode. That was a great episode. I remember that. It's like two, whatever, who's the top of the food chain? Two hyenas being like, God, it's exhausting having a kid whatever who's the top of the food chain to hyenas being like God's exhausting having someone that's at your level and you're like god it's so exhausting having everyone be so scared of us just because we're smarter right I remember in danger fields book he would just talk

about getting fucked up with her and going getting Chinese food and like Midtown at like 2 a.m. like yeah we both like to eat yeah the whole thing you're like that's amazing like that's those two she's been around long enough that she like kicked it with rodney oh yeah she was on the special the young but they were but a lot of people were they weren't all close to that's true yeah you know so when we were on the um show there was like people would just like disassociate they go they do time travel when they were around her like do you know anyone that maybe it's because they're so famous or revered like the way people behave around the person you just see them all change sure either they start being unctuous or you know nervous or like when i um uh i did not do this joke in any specials because i know it'll get me canceled and

um get ready for someone to say probably take this down at some point. Bring it on. But I dated a black guy and all my friends, when they would come around him, all of a sudden they would just be like bouncing. And I've known these people for 10 years and they're all of a sudden like talking like this and like bouncing. And I was just like, I've never seen this behavior. Like you are, no wonder you think white people are such dorks.

Right. I swear they don't do that all the time. That's hilarious. I had a black guy once say, I like you because you stay white. I didn't know what that meant, but I was like, all right. I love, exactly. Yeah. Why are you bobbing and weaving?

I know. And they overdo the hand thing. Like watching one of my friends and them like slow motion, like, oh. Oh, yeah. Are they going to do this one and that one? Which one is it? Yeah.

Everyone gets so clumsy around Roseanne. People would just get clumsy and nervous. Myself included the first couple of times I saw it. But as soon as she talks to you like a comic,

she wants you to feel like equals to her. Like it goes away real fast. But she asked this intern or some paid intern for, she was like, like oh I'll have a coffee and the intern was like I do you want some sugar so yeah just what kind of sugar just like what kind of sugar saying just any kind of just any kind of

sugar the girl comes accidentally put Ambien in it I didn't know the bitch was black the intern came back shaking, holding a handful of sugar. Oh, wow. And a cup, and I just like looked over and I caught it, and I was like, all right, sweetie, let's just back up. She was just like, had taken

sugar, poured it in her hand. Just a panic moment. And just kept moving. I mean, that's some kind of like offline trigger of a trauma response. Yeah, I'm just upset you dated a black guy. But. I remember what you're talking about with, like, I remember I used to have a sports show and we went down to interview basketball players.

And when Allen Iverson walked into a room, I've never seen adult men just fucking go, like, people worship Allen Iverson. Like, his vibe is so. It's like that Jordan thing where people are like, it's fucking Iverson, dude. Yes. There's also something about athletes where they're this precious, they're these, like, Adonis, very fragile things. Like, I find that the guys that I know and that I've dated that really follow sports, like, they really worry about their athletes' bodies. Oh, Tom Brady.

They're like, what the hell? He's not even that buff. So, like, when I, like, Blake Griffin and I did some of the other, and whenever we go out in public, people are like, dude, what are you doing out, man? You should be sleeping. You know, what are you doing? What are you, and they're like, you know, what's up with the knees? The knee, where's the brace?

Like, they're very. See, we're shallow with men, too. It's not just women. Is that Tom Brady? That's what I'm saying. He's not even, like, shredded. Yeah, but he has a weird diet where his body doesn't look right,

but for some reason, it's kept him working. Obviously, he's killing it. Is he heavy or is she just that thin? No, he's not heavy. He's just a little non-defined. When you're a quarterback, you need a little meat on you. You don't want to look like us. You need something. But he's got no diff.

Can I ask you, just Tom Bradywise, like what makes him so great? Is it something that can be learned? That's the focus. He has that position. It cannot be learned. It's like what's inherent talent and what's – Well, he was like a six-round draft pick, I think, right? Or fifth?

What was it? It was late. And then he was a late pick. I mean, that's the pick from the draft combine. Look at that. And then what happened was he – he was a late pick. I mean, that's the pick from the draft combine. Look at that. And then what happened was he. Looks like a porn audition. Drew Bledsoe was a franchise quarterback.

He just got paid for the Patriots, and he goes down. So Brady subs in, and they win the Super Bowl. And that's how he rose to fame. But they were a defense first. He wasn't this great quarterback yet. People were like, oh, they're a great defense. I think I can answer your question. Yeah. Okay. So I heard uh i was given a long version i heard the center be interviewed once yeah the guy who snaps him the ball and he said i've been playing

in the league 10 different teams or whatever uh and no one ever spoke to me you know because my job is just hand the ball to the quarterback and we're all in the huddle and every down every time he gives us a play and he looks at me and he says perfect snap oh no one ever addressed me before communication yeah well he took yeah he took him he took he took everyone out to dinner he treated everyone well but like my point was he was the beneficiary of already built perfect team and he and he wrote it's like almost a comic who got gifted a great career but then was also great it's like it's almost like a guy who like was doing comedy for like very you know what else i'm sorry it's almost like not that this is what happened like tony hawk his dad just happened to like run thrasher magazine what i don't think

that's true help me give it a goog sorry i don't think that's true. Help me. Give it a goog. Sorry. I don't think that's true, but his dad was very supportive. A dad-to-goog. With me in the room. Duck, duck, go, please. Mark's a big Tony Hawk guy. His dad was very supportive, and Tony Hawk said it bothered him how supportive his dad was. I think he worked at Thrasher Magazine or something. Maybe.

Because there was a little bit of Tony Hawk was like, when I was getting big, people were kind of like, oh, it's because of his dad. It's like, my dad can't help me do a flip. I think you're thinking of Mike Birbiglia. His sister worked for Comedy Central. Is that true? Yeah, but that's a joke. But she did.

But that's how petty comics are. Like, well, you know, his sister works for Comedy Central. That's how he got everything. But he had funny jokes. Well, end of point, he was built into a good situation, but then he still was great. I mean, he also had the best coach in NFL history, Bill Belichick. But then he left and won with the Bucs. I mean, Brady's the GOAT.

I mean, I hate saying the word the GOAT, but he's the GOAT. Yeah, he's good. Well, hey, Gwyneth Paltrow, her dad was Hollywood royalty. You know who? Blythe Dana was her mom. You know who? Blythe Danner was her mom. You know who came to, you know I just learned eight months ago that Nicolas Cage and Jason Swartzman are related? Coppola, the Coppola connection, right?

We want Nicolas Cage. Can Nicolas Cage come on here? I know we're telling you to harass Charlie Sheen to come on here, but we want Nicolas Cage on this pod. I can help out. Really? A friend of mine did that movie with him. Are you serious?

Yeah, the one that was just the spectacular talent yeah i heard it's amazing that's the weight of did you watch it no i'm dying to see it it looks amazing but really quick hold on what was i just about to say about tony hawk jason schwartzen no right oh right before it's short we need this when you're a pod with whitney you need someone to like feed you where you were came to one of my show in west hampton who Who? Mike Tomlin. Whoa, the coach? It was a big deal. Yeah. You know how like you'll do a show and like you don't know there's someone important there,

but the vibe's weird and then someone tells you later? Yes. Like one time I was in Spokane and I did like 20 minutes on the meth problem there. And it was awkward. I was like, okay, I'm being too hard on them. And afterwards they're like, the mayor was here. We're so glad you said all that. She really needed to hear it.

I was like, can you guys have told me that? So it was like the room was just so awkward. And Mike Tomlin was, it's just everyone, I don't know if it was because he was black or because he was Mike Tomlin, but it could go either way. The Hamptons, yeah. But there's a weird, there's a being around. There's an energy. Yeah, being around athletes, people act

wild, but being around coaches is like, it's like being around the Pope. Interesting. freak out right we did a i did the garden once with schumer madonna is there yeah and i'm not like a madonna head but it's still fucking madonna yeah icon that's when she did five minutes and it was horrible and i was like all right i'm done did five minutes on amy's show yes wait mad Madonna did five minutes on Amy's show. Yes. Wait, Madonna did five minutes. What I'm saying is Madonna. It was mostly

where you're from, that type of shit. Yeah. Madonna was up here. Oh, she was up here. doing stand up as like a joke.

But she did a set. No, I think she was trying it for me. She did Fallon too. And she did a set and I was like, ah, she sucks.

Before or after? You know, before. She went up, Madonna opened for you? Oh yeah. And she looked great by the way her ass was amazing i remember of course did you talk to her backstage was she like oh i'm doing no no she

gave me one of these what no i'm joking but i didn't i knew not to bother her i just left her alone but it was still pretty cool like that no one ever bothers it's like why guys should always hit on the hot chick because everyone thinks they can't. One time I was at some event for an agency or something, one of those parties that I'm like, why am I here? I'm not nominated. My agents think I'm Amanda Peet. Why am I here?

And people keep confusing me for other people. And Angelina Jolie was there. I've never seen her in person. I've never heard of anyone running into her. She was there. It was back in the day when she was with Bradad pitt and she was sitting alone for three hours three hours and up and she was kind of looking around it was like the year she wore the white and like a red because i just remember looking at her and being like oh she looks like uh she's in a different

era like she looks like she's like from olympus right right totally so So I kept thinking I had a weird edible or something, but she was, no one said hi. Not one person. Wow, that's fascinating. Famous people walked up. Yeah, because I think it's like, she's so intimidating. And I remember being like,

I felt bad for her. I felt, you know, when you see a Roomba get stuck under a couch, you have like a weird sadness. I was so worried you were going to make the story as you the hot chick. I was like, oh, okay. Did you talk to her?

No, I just kept checking in because I was like, should I go say hi? Yeah, she probably was bored. Can I bring you a coffee with a handful of sugar or something? The dart hits me in the neck. Yeah, so it was, I don't think there was ill will. It's just like she was

looking around just hoping something would say hi. I think like ill will. It's just like she was looking around like just hoping something was so high. I think you're right. That's probably why she has 19 adopted kids. It was. She's lonely. She has to buy them. She has to trap them from other countries. Yeah, right.

Of whatever it takes. Good diversity, yeah. I've been listening to a lot of the Rolling Stones lately and it's been great. No matter what you like listening to, it'll sound better with Raycon earbuds. Raycon's everyday earbuds look, feel, and sound better than ever. They won't budge with optimized gel tips for the perfect in ear fit.

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Peeves? Oh, we love you. Look at you with your homework. And the listeners will love you. Man, you see? Peeves. Peeves. I have some very specific peeves. I'm excited.

Wait, we got to ask you some advice later when you're done. Because you've sold movies, right? Yes. We're trying to write a movie, and we don't know what the hell to do. Yeah. You want to sell the movie, or you want to write it first? Well, we're going to write it, because there's no raunchy comedies anymore, because everyone's too scared.

Yes. So we're like, fuck it, and we're going to write one. Are no raunchy comedies anymore because it's everyone's too scared yes so where's like fucking we're gonna write one make one with ben shapiro yes it's a daily wire exclusive alex jones is the lead yeah james kennedy's available is jamie kennedy a daily wire guy i know because i thought i texted it to myself and i forgot it this is embarrassing oh you're good no but, didn't he do one of those movies? No. Jamie Kennedy? I wouldn't be surprised. Will you look up Jamie Kennedy?

Didn't he do a movie where they like hunt humans at like a fake Mar-a-Lago or something? Oh, he did Malibu's Most Wanted. He did Scream. He did Heckler. Scream's still great. Still great. Scream still holds up. It was a comedic relief.

That opening scene with Drew Barrymore is so gnarly. I love it. It's great. I'm in the house. It's so well done. Yeah. It is stressful every time. Yeah, and she looked great in it.

Well, the fact that she's on the cover, too, and then she gets murdered in the first scene, you're like, what? Yes, there's something wild. Remember how shocking that was? Oh, that was big. But it still had a lightness and tongue in cheek to it too. When's the last time in a movie you went like... I don't like horror normally.

So that's why like Scream really sticks out to me. It's just such a good movie. I don't normally like it. Did you see Saw in the theaters? I hate that type of shit. Do you like those? Because you don't feel... No, I don't find it fun.

I know people that love horror. I don't like it either. I hate it that love horror. I don't like it either. I hate it. It's like magic. I don't like magic. I don't find being scared to be exciting. I don't like... I'm with you.

Thrillers I'm okay with, but just fear. I don't like that. Can I ask you a question? Are you the kind of person where after you get scared, you get mad? No. That's my thing. You know when people are like, what the fuck man like you're so embarrassed i don't love magic but i do love watching black people watch magic that should be

its own genre well they don't let them in her most accommodating love so all right what is oh should i read some of them yeah some peeves hit us sister um i put some down this is the most organized guest we've ever had. I have been talking for, if I'm not making any sense, please tell me. No, this is killer. I've been talking for two days straight, and now it actually matters. People who, as soon as they get there, tell you they can't stay long. That's a great one.

And they spend the whole time telling everyone they can't stay long. Yes. So everyone's like, oh, like has to rush for that. Yes. We get it. Your presence is a gift. We get it. I can't stay long.

I'm just stopping by. First up, two times. Yeah. It's a cameo. You're lucky I'm here. Anyway, and then they're there for four and a half hours and they won't leave. It's like the guy who goes, I got to get up early. And you go, okay, I'll switch with you.

And then he stays the whole night. You're like, what the fuck was that? Yeah. I hate that guy. No one's counting how long you're night. You're like, what the fuck was that? Yeah. Hate that guy. No one's counting how long you're here. No. No one. Just get in and get out.

Do an Irish goodbye if you have to. Good one. That's a good peeve. What's your birthday? August 29th. August 1st. That's a good one, too. That's a good one.

Like trying too hard To bond You know So you have to be like yeah Leo huh You a Leo Virgo Me too

You guys are Virgos It makes so much sense actually We're such like autistic weirdos. Okay. People who carry around a giant hydro flask to show moral superiority. Just that they're better hydrated, you mean? No, it's like I'm not using a plastic water bottle. I have a hydro flask.

But they leave it everywhere, so everyone's just trying to get it back to them Most of the time You know the one that's like A refillable water bottle And it's like stickers on it But also there's the hydration element Where you're like you're better Mark and I don't hydrate we don't drink enough water But then they'll open it and they're like

You know It's like a thermos You've never used that before right i had a woman stay in my place once she left a giant water bottle there then she came back to get it and she just didn't take it so i was like oh you're just rubbing this in yeah people like will bring their hydro flask because they're so much better than you and then they everyone's just like did you get it did they get it back to you? And some of the dudes have these sucky things on it that really grosses me out.

You know, they're like, good point. You're like, all right, all right. Get something while you pour it into your mouth. They're just sucking a baby dick. Yeah, exactly, exactly. You did that like one beat. One beat too long. That'll be like a gif.

That last one was for you. I had to make him finish. You could have done two. You chose to do three. These are good peers, Whitney. Okay, people who post Instagram stories, like post about things, you're like, guys, this is not sponsored.

This is not an ad. It's just how much I love this product. I'm not getting paid for this, and the product is something that no one would ever, they would never hire people or need to promote. You guys, there's this, it's called Vic's VapoRub. Not an ad. It's not an ad.

They're not, you know, they're fine without you. We've heard of it. It's like the Got Milk ad. We all not an ad. I just like for the like, they're not, you know, they're fine without you. We've heard of it. Yeah. It's like the Got Milk ad. We all know about milk. It's a little Goldman joke. People who sit through the specials at a restaurant as if they're watching Macbeth.

Like as if they're more educated than you if they listen to it all. Right. Reduction. By the way, this is me watching Macbeth of their culinary expertise like yeah putting this guy through a nightmare I will call the special I'll be like we're good yeah I can't either it's already made the decision I already know I'm not gonna do there you've chosen yeah it's really just a test it's going can you make do you have it down?

Right. Do you have it down? That's exactly right. Let's see. Let's see if you fuck up. And so, yeah, when people are like sadistic with waiters. Quick side question, Whitney. What's your go-to cuisine?

Because I feel like you eat well. Okay, yeah. A go-to cuisine. If I'm going to make it or if I'm going to just order something, if I'm going to make it, I really try to go healthy. Because I'm not an amazing cook anyway. And I'll just do quinoa pasta and healthy tomato sauce and vegetables. I try to do that as much as possible. Yeah.

But in LA, it's easy. Go on out to eat. Oh, okay. Any choice. Thai. Thai. Really? What's a good spot in LA it's easy going out to eat any choice Thai really what's a good spot in LA I don't know what mine is it's just like Woodland Hills Thai it's like some shit

like mini mall I feel like sometimes Thai like not the worst it is the better it is but the smaller the rest like the hole in the walls I feel like are always better you want like a takeout spot purple jasmine I think yeah actually when Giannis came he stayed with me and we ordered greek food he's like let's see if greek food's any good around here turns out like the best greek place in southern california is in tarzana which is kind of close to me so it was like it was unbelievable because a lot of times out there you can get

really great food it's just not going to be like in hollywood right right it's going to be like like actually from an immigrant yes yes you want. You want some real Greeks. Yeah. Can I throw in a peeve? Yes. Well, before we get back, how about this guy? Something weird happens like at a restaurant or a party goes, I guess I'm getting punked. You're not getting punked. You're not famous. No one cares about you.

No one made an elaborate ruse. How about this? I was on punked. Oh, were you really? Everyone said that to me for literally eight years of my life. I'd be like running

10 minutes, like, am I getting Punk'd? I'm like, you're not getting Punk'd, no one cares. You're not a celebrity, I'm not like,

yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't know you were on there. Yeah, that was like my, I did the season that was

the season after he like pretended it was canceled. Right, right. How hot is ashton huh he's really hot yeah he's a good looking man he's a real he's like handsome in a way that's like kind of hilarious and is he really very and very smart he's like a very smart like business brain i've heard that you know well mila kunis can't go wrong she is so awesome yeah she

seems cool she's in ukraine you know she's she's what ukraine she's cool. She likes comedy. You know, she's... She's what? She's Ukrainian. Oh, I didn't know that. I think, yeah. It's so funny that she's in, like, that she's just one of the voices in Family Guy. Like, what a sweet little gig that is.

That's so cool. I love stuff like that. I love, like, weird money. Like, Hank Azaria. I've hit him up twice to come on here, and he hasn't responded to the email. He's so much money. We want you...

Dude, I've been watching Brock Meyer that's a great fucking show dude I am such a big Hank Azaria fan dude he did a movie called about John Abnett directed it it was about basically John Abnett who did

fried green tomatoes the burning bed stuff and like oh god that's embarrassing this is embarrassing it's to the left right there that was it yeah remember it would come up there oh yeah so wow wait where are you from dc virginia okay wow look at that yeah that was what 2004 what's the movie that's a big break that was a huge show. I mean, on MTV at the time, that was like kind of. That was the show. Is MTV still a thing? No.

Kind of. That's crazy. I think it's got like shows that I guess people maybe watch on like apps, you know, like reality shows or not. Geico. Catfish. That was big. Yeah.

Maybe that. MTV Studios. I couldn't tell you where Comedy Central or MTV is. Oh, The Birdcage? That's a great movie. Oh, I thought. What movie were you talking about? The Hank Azaria movie.

Okay, no. It was about the Holocaust and basically John Avnet, it's a comedy, John Avnet was annoyed that no one was making movies about the Jewish people that fought back. Of course, they didn't survive. I like that. But there were, the uprising. It was about the uprising. So no one ever talked about the Jewish people that fought back. The narrative is they just, you know, went along with it, just were submissive.

And there were many, many that fought back, knowing they were going to die. And it's a movie about a couple of those stories. Is it comedy? No, no, no, it's a comedy. Like David Schwimmer's in it, Hank Azaria. It's really amazing. All right. It's a drama.

But it is interesting that basically they just never depicted jews fighting back that's a good point yeah somebody must have you know yeah it's hard i mean it just doesn't sound relatable to me yeah i don't see a lot of diversity i feel like we should cancel it no i love hank azaria i mean shit we want him on this pod. My other favorite is like Jennifer Tilly. You know the actress Jennifer Tilly?

Oh, liar, liar. Come on. She divorced Sam Simon and in the divorce he was working on Stupid money. Simpsons. He was working on The Simpsons

and he was like, I don't have anything to the lawyer. He was like, this stupid pilot I just did. What? She can have all my points on this stupid pilot.

Fine. Whoa. And she's got like a million. Holy shit. pilot i just did like she can have she can have all my points on this stupid pilot fine whoa she's got like a little interview that she advised him against the show it's terrible don't do it wow half of that money wow and he gave it to her as like a fuck you yeah that's amazing apparently she actually just uh got married to the guy who made Squid Games and they're going through a divorce. Same shit. I don't know. No, that's crazy.

I love stuff like that. I do too. I love like Demi Moore produced Austin Powers. What? Sandra Bullock, George Lopez. Really? Austin Powers holds up hard. I saw that in the theater.

It's amazing. So hard. It's so good. So dumb. They made three of them. It was great. But the first one is a masterpiece. A masterpiece.

Mike, what happened to Mike Myers? Colin Quinn was supposed to be Seth Green. That's right. What? Yeah, because Mike Myers, Colin Quinn did a character on Larry Sanders when he plays Rip Torn's spoiled son. And Mike Myers saw it and was like,

you need to be this character. And Colin's like, I got my own shit cooking around. I don't want to do it. And they gave it to Seth Green. Isn't that weird when you can't picture anyone else? Like, Million Dollar Baby was originally Sandra Bullock. Whoa. You know, it's like the people that fell out.

Yeah. You're like, you can't picture with the person. Neo was supposed to be Will Smith. Yeah. He said, no dice. He's like, I don't get it. Keanu Reeves was actually supposed to slap Chris Rock. Crazy.

I heard it was supposed to be Alec Baldwin dodged a bullet. Hey! There we go. Do you know Alec Baldwin? You know him a little bit. Yeah. I mean, I did. I was going to play his daughter at a TV show.

Really? Yeah, like four years ago. Was he going to call you a piggy? Yeah. Was he cool? That is the funniest thing to call someone. That is so funny. I was dating this guy that we it was very toxic

relationship yeah he was older he had a kid and you know when you're dating like an older like that's the older guy that i've dated and when you think that they've done everything sexually there's this freedom to not try to impress there's nothing they haven't he's seen childbirth like right right there's something liberating like you've seen cellulite you've seen hemorrhoid like you've seen it up pubes like you just want to fuck you can't see it you know and there's a freedom to that and so we had this like very funny sex life that was more about like just making each other laugh like you know like his dick was dead by this point and so he had fucked everyone like literally everyone everyone in Hollywood. That's the faces Dick was making right there. We'd go to parties.

We'd go to parties. I'd be like, her too. Oh, like billboards. Oh, really? You drive by a guest billboard. I'd be like, her too. Wow. You know, so, but it was like, you know, there's a liberty in that.

Yes, yes. You know you're not going to be this person's best. Yes. It's like they've seen it all. Yeah. And so one time we were just like dying laughing and i was like okay one time during sex i want you to call me a pig but don't like tell me don't like just just don't tell me when don't warn me three months later i've totally forgot we like had a

couple totally forgot about it and he didn't even just like take it you little pig and we laughed for like two days. That's great. It was so funny. I don't think Armie Hammer did that. In three months, I'm going to bite my wrist. Yeah, no. Armie Hammer on the phone with his agent.

Am I getting punked right now? This is crazy. Oh, here it is. Once again, I made an ass of myself trying to get to a phone to call you at a specific time. When the time

comes for me to make the phone call, I stop whatever I'm doing and I go when I make that phone I stop match game.

At 11 o'clock in the morning in New York, and if you don't pick up the phone, at 10 I put the gun down. You don't even

have that goddamn phone turned on. I want you to know something, okay? This is a voice message. I'm tired of playing this game with you. I'm leaving this message with you to tell you, you have insulted me for the last time. You have insulted me.

You don't have the brains. Is this Alec Baldwin's Tim Dillon impression? For SNL. I don't even am that you're 12 years old. I hear this and I'm just thinking Dillon impression? For SNL. I don't give a damn that you're 12 years old. I hear this and I'm just thinking, he's a damn good actor. Like, the delivery's on point. Every word is very decisive. I know.

It's hypnotic. Same thing with, remember when Mel Gibson? Yes. He's like, my Lakers tickets. Yeah. The Jews. He was like, Macbeth. Yeah, it was beautiful.

Have you gotten into the wormhole at all of celebrity actor auditions that have been leaked? Oh, no. I've seen a few. Have you seen the Chris Klein Mamma Mia one? No. What? From American Pie? Yeah.

Oh, wow. Oh, the good looking guy. Yeah. He was the jock. He was in Election. Remember that movie? Great movie. Great movie. this is for

the Mamma Mia this is rough yeah Jesus see this is humiliating if they ever get mine out I'm like this is gonna be the worst I feel for the guy already hey by the way you guys had Mandy Warren here she is an angel of all angels I don't know if you guys saw American dreams that her and I did together where I do sing hopefully better here then I did up there that was acting this may be slight singing but she is just a dream come true higher on the spot she's amazing anyway that's my own personal I love Mandyore scenario let's go all right here we go

i wasn't jealous before we met now every man that i see is a potential all right all right cut it it. I'd rather watch a I'd rather watch an ISIS video. Jesus Christ. What? It is so ridiculous. Ugh, that was brutal. Like, what is, what are our

most embarrassing things out there? I feel like I definitely did Last Comic driving. What? It was like a spinoff that NBC did as like an ad for Last Comic Standing. We already, we talked in our last episode or recent whenever we talked about it. America's Got Talent was pretty rough. That was a pretty rough look.

See, I had never saw you on there. Really? He did well, but it's just, just they treat you so demoralizing. There's still clips where you're like, ugh. Yeah, yeah. You know, any reality show is the worst TV thing probably. What do you think, Mark? Yeah.

You did Last Comic. That was fucking rough. It was pretty bad. Pretty bad. You try to churn up a story like, oh, my mom's got cancer. And they're like, really? You're like, nah, nah. Last Comic driving is just you in a car doing material?

It was like a promo. It was something that was just so weirdly disrespectful. I don't remember. Desperate. I'm just thinking about the things where we're like, oh, we'll just do this. It's just going to air once and go away. Yeah. You know?

Like those little things. It was a comedy club on 14th Street. Remember Comics with an X? Yeah. They had Voss water bottles. Yes. And I remember going, they are not going to make it. Yeah.

They were actually just Rich Voss' saliva. That's all it was. He's 23 and we're dead. When you opened it, it said, your pussy's loose. I did the Impractical Jokers cruise with Rich Voss and it was a bunch of comics in there.

Ari, Tim Dillon, a lot of really funny comics were on there. Giannis, Yamanika, great bunch of people. But I remember someone came up to me after the show and they go

you were my favorite and Rich Voss overhears and he goes oh yeah well your friend is prettier than you he's just got like 36 years of those locked and loaded

I know right he's so good at the counter punch he's the king it's so simple I remember one time Dice came on at the comedy show

this must have been like six years or seven years ago and he went on Mond mondays is like headliners pop in at like 10 o'clock sundays and mondays and the or and he went on stage and he was like smoking like and just looking around at the crowd and there was like four people there's a woman in the front row and her hair was up and he just looked at her and he just, take your hair down. Oh, damn. And you're just like watching this woman be like. She listened?

Yes. It was so pimp in the weirdest way. Wow. Also, one of my favorite jokes is a Rich Voss joke. I don't mind having sex with a girl on her period. I just pretend like I'm killing her. I've heard that. You've heard that old Patrice story about there's a couple of models sitting at the table table and all the guys are freaking out, talking to them, kissing their ass.

And Patrice walks up and it bothered him that the attention wasn't on him. And one model had a mole right here. And he just walked up and went, what's that? And pointed to her and hit it. Hit the mole. And she was like, well, I just got. And now he was the alpha. And it was so funny but cruel that is so funny because we all have to pretend we don't see people's moles right

it's like we just have to it's like a full-time job to ignore moles it's insane to do that that's insane but it worked one time i was with um this was like before I knew much, or like this was so crazy to me when I saw it. It was Jeff Ross was having like some release of a show. This must have been like 13, 14 years ago. And we were at a restaurant and it was like a premiere party for his show on Comedy Central, whatever. Yeah. And Jim Norton was there.

And Jim Norton had, I mean, had been doing opening Anthony forever. I mean, was a legend. But he had just done Down and Dirty, the HBO. Oh, yeah, I remember that. You were on that. You did that, yeah. Yeah, so that's how I got to know him.

And so we're standing next to each other, it's like super awkward, and this agent walks up to Jim Norton and is like, Jim Norton, like, you know, Kenny whatever, Boblick, or whatever it is. Just trying to not say Stein, just trying to not say a Jewish name. That was like so tricky. Because I want to say, have you guys read the book What Makes Sammy Run?

It's about a Hollywood agent. Was it Kenny Slotnick? That's the agent. Sounds right. Sammy Glick. Sammy Glick. Okay. Ben Stiller's been trying to make that movie forever.

It's an amazing book. And so this agent comes up to Jim Norton. He's like, Jim Norton, like Kenny Slotnick, whatever it is. And then Jim just went, where were you 10 years ago dude it was wild that's great and then just looked back at the party like no one was it was only like 20 people like it wasn't like a bumping party yeah yeah and i'm remembering like that's fucking power yes exactly you have to be funny enough to be able to talk to people like that right well that's. Well, that's what comedy is. Like, when you said you do that show in front of the mayor and you're saying all the shit

about the town, no one could say that to the mayor. But as a comic, you can get it out. And that's kind of the beauty of it. If it's in joke form, it's softened. Well, because we've also put ourselves out there as fair. Like, we also, like, if we're coming after you, like, this is fair. It's honest. Because we come after everyone. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And we're going to, like, do it in a, this is fair. It's honest. Because we come after everyone.

Yeah, exactly. And we're going to do it in a smart, thoughtful way. Yeah, yeah. Another one of those great lines is one time Jim Norton was being interviewed for some kind of red carpet-y press thing. And they go, what are you working on now, Jim? He's like, well, I'm on the radio show. I got some road work. And I'm shooting.

I'm shooting. And Colin Quinn jumps in and goes i hope yourself it was just one of those perfect and norton goes oh you're right what am i doing and he caught himself it was great i love jim dude it was his birthday at the cellar the other night and it was just like cupcakes everywhere and it's so weird you're like oh this is like you you take a part you're like fuck it's jim norton he's a legend you know and he's such a nice guy remember when he had that party at his home yeah and he's like we never are used to like you're so used to just you're on a show and he's like zinging you we're in his apartment he's like

he's like are you guys okay are you having it's a mindfuck barbecue hand you a coaster whoa don't put that there picture him in de niro best guy also i i get the best there's something about when i take nyquil i get in very deep dives on chip chipperson oh it's insane why but the more you watch it the funnier it gets yeah well you know what it is i've figured this out because i'm a fan as well. Norton is always aware, always on edge, always sniping. He could never say something stupid because he would get attacked. This is just an amalgam of all the stupidest things you can say freely. That makes total sense.

So it's like he's protected over this blanket of like this is only dumb. Exactly, exactly. This is just dumb because he never breaks character. Never. It's a safe space. I posted a picture on like an Instagram story of just me and Liz, you know, the manager of the comedy salon.

We're just drunk holding martini glasses. And he just responds. He goes, ugh, I can almost hear your glasses clanking, subway and a job well done. You disgust me. Just him writing, ugh. Whenever I hear the word, ugh, I hear Norton's voice. Oh, it hurts.

Do you guys know Eddie Pepitone well? I love Eddie Pepitone. So it's like he's more in LA. I mean, great comic, obviously. If you haven't seen Eddie Pepitone's recent special on Amazon, it's incredible. Have you seen the video? Okay, yes, obviously. And a new podcast.

Check out his podcast. Have you seen the video eddie pepitone heckles himself yes it's amazing dude it is so incredible i mean brilliant he is it's like a shitty venue in la do you even know i can't even remember i don't know where it is nick not knickerbocker knitting factory or something there's not even that it's worth it's worth it it's this is worth it for zoom, I think. It'll be real true. I love him. The mirror thing. He does it to himself.

The validating. He's an incredible comment. Staten Island guy. Pepitone, you suck. Oh, can you go back a tiny bit? I was wondering. Sorry, this is very important to me. I also, I get heckled a lot in clubs.

And it's usually generic, but accurate, like, Pepitone, you suck. But I was wondering, I was wondering what the heckling would be like if someone in the audience

knew me as well as I know myself. I think this is what the heck it would be like. Watch this. Takes forever. Already a great premise. He goes into the crowd. I mean, come on. Hey, Puppet Toad!

How come you dream about red birds attacking you at night? Red birds attacking you at night? Red birds attacking you at night. What the fuck is that? Your shrink says the red represents anger on the inside of a woman's vagina. What do you think? What do you think?

Tepetone. Hey! Tepetone! what are you talking about hey speaking of the night time how come you have Napoleon it's three in the morning that's an afternoon phone look at you speaking of four in the morning i'll come at six in the morning you're coming through medical journals

it's like so relatable it's also like there's something like he never could do that on a special i don't think he did he could do it yeah i guess he could but when i watched that i feel like this was like for this just to perform it yeah yeah i don't feel like he's perfecting it for a special no you're right because i saw him do that over a few nights and it was different shit he was yelling but it was still personal that feels like it's just for him yeah Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, what do we do that's just for us? It's weird to just think. Nothing. I'm always like, is this going to clip?

Do I need to make this a TikTok? Is it a tweet? I know. Like, what are the dumb bits we just do just for us? That's so true, yeah. I was really bored at the end of a week in Tampa recently, and on the sixth and last show, I was like, I'm opening with 10 minutes of dead baby and hot car jokes

and I dug the fattest hole for myself. I had a camera guy with me. I was literally doing it to make my friend James Webb laugh. I was literally like, it's killing him and I bombed

for like the first five minutes but around the five minute mark, it started to turn. It was like, I was doing it, you know when you do a bit so much that it just starts to kill even if it's not funny?

Yes. That's what it was and then I was telling him we got to find this footage um do you think the dead baby was more awkward now because of what just happened in the news no we're not allowed to kill babies anymore no no it's florida they don't care that's my if you if you're getting groans in tampa yeah you earned it if babies are gonna die here it's from crocodiles and Jesus that was a news story that happened some woman fell in like a

lake in a country club and got eaten by two that's called Darwinism fine and it was two crocodiles too she got double teamed do you know over 400 people have fallen off cliffs

taking selfies wow I believe it just that's what we know it went through my mind because I hiked a cliff with my friend recently and we're doing I was jokingly doing the thing from hot shots too you know i'm like a little further you know that joke that rowan atkinson yes but it's weird when this

is gonna be in trouble that um when i heard the alec baldwin news like you remember when we first heard about it the shooting yeah yeah i going, I bet they were joking around. Like, I bet he was like, boom. Interesting. That was my, and that probably says so much about me,

but I was like, oh, I bet they were like, to take a picture, to be like, nee. Like, just.

Yeah, yeah. Well, joking, look at Al Franken. That was a, that was joking. And look at him.

That's so stupid. Good thing he didn't have a gun. That is so dumb. No, that was, I know. The Evaldi guy was joking. Yeah. at him. Good thing he didn't have a gun. That was so dumb. No, that was... The Evaldi guy was joking. Yeah. Terrible joke.

Hitler. Hitler. Look, you got to give him credit for going for the bits. It's called a long game. Yeah, that's a big punch. Some of us commit. Yeah. I'm going to get these trains.

Wait a second. Let me see that photo. I don't think I've ever seen that photo. Literally a bulletproof vest. But she does look like she is diverse. Is this, like, does that cancel it out? That's a great point. He's not racist.

He's inclusive. What is he? The other guy looks blindfolded. Liberals like to eat their own. Yeah, I guess so. If this was a conservative politician, there'd be no problem whatsoever. I think the bigger problem is that Cosby served her a drink before. She shouldn't be that sleepy.

Like, no one, if Al Franken is in the premises and you're asleep. Good point. Like, the celebrity's in the room. Yeah, you got a point. You're narcoleptic. I was watching that scene in Sopranos when Richie Aprile is fucking Janice while holding the gun to her head. And now I just think of the Alec Baldwin scene. Like, that explodes.

Oh, yeah. That's a good point. Whoa. I don't think. It's a weird kink. Did you ever see the Beast of No Nation movie? Mm-hmm. You saw that?

Is that Idris Elba? It's been a minute, but yeah. Yes, it was that guy, Cary Fukunaga, who recently had crazy stuff. Yeah, people are mad at him, right? I don't know what happened with him. Yeah, what did he do? I can't even keep up now. There's so many cancels. Yeah, people are mad at him, right? I don't know what happened with him. Yeah, what did he do? I can't even keep up now.

There's so many cancels. Yeah. Great director, though. Brilliant. Oh, my. He did the first season of True Detective. That one long shot that everyone talked about? Well, in Beast of No Nation, he did, I mean, it was like a seven-minute shot in the trenches.

Oh, man. Right? It was the one where Idris Elba raped the boy. Yeah. Yeah. And then- I gotta see this movie. There's a scene where a teenage boy is raping a woman and a guy shoots the woman as he's raping her.

And he's like, what the fuck, man? It was originally Spacey. Dude, it's a wild scene. I've never seen anything that brutal on camera before except like Irreversible. I don't know that. The rape scene, Monica Bellucci? Yep.

Eight minutes straight. Don't check my browser history. No. She was like so hot. I remember her. I never saw the movie. Who's the hottest? Ever?

I said Kim Basinger. I'm obsessed with... Kim Basinger was so hot. I remember like 48 or nine and a half weeks or like Batman. And Michelle Pfeiffer's not in your top five? She's hot, but she's not.

I don't put it. To me, she's not. I mean, I think Kim Basinger, LA Confidential is like at her hottest. Yeah. She won an Oscar, too. She's so good in that movie. Batman was hot. Right, right.

Who's your hottest, Mark? Like top couple, so you don't panic. What do you mean couple? Like top three, just so that you don't feel pressure to pick one. Oh, sure, sure. Okay. Well, I mean, Angelina, I know it's hack, but she was Gia. When I first saw Gia, Newt Scrooge.

Can I tell you something? She was like a little less skinny, believe it or not, because she was like less gaunt. Yes. And less severe. Yeah, right. Faithful and feral. Right. That movie's incredible.

Incredible movie. So good. Who's the, Elizabeth Mitchell? The real Gia's Yeah, right. Playful and feral. Right. That movie's incredible. Incredible movie. So good. Who's Elizabeth Mitchell? The real G is hot, too. Gia Carano got AIDS. Gia Carano got AIDS? Oh, wait. Yeah, she was like,

she got AIDS from, or yeah, AIDS, not hepatitis, from drug use, and she died, and she was a supermodel. I thought that was the chick that got kicked off

the Mandalorian for a sec. Who was that? That's Gina Car? Gina Carano. Very similar. Okay, this is Gina Carrere. What's her name? Gina Carrere? Yeah, that sounds right.

Gia. Gia? Oh, it's Gia. Sorry. What is it? Gia? Famous model. She was a famous model, I guess, in the 80s who got AIDS from doing drugs.

Got it. And she was a lesbian. Remember Elizabeth Mitchell was the lesbian lover in it? She comes out topless and you're like. Amazing cans. Yes. Amazing cans that, by the way, aren't symmetrical. Oh.

I mean, they're like kind of sloppy and not like. A little lopsided. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, sure. Of course I know what you mean. I remember going like, I hate myself because that's her face, but her tits. Okay. Well, now I got to see these lopsided knobs. Gia Karanji. Yeah, that. Of course I know what you mean. I remember going like, I hate myself because that's her face, but her tits are- Wait, now I got to see these lopsided knobs. Gia Karanji.

Yeah, that was her. So she died. She died of AIDS. Was it AIDS? Oh, yeah. And no one knew what it was at the time. Damn. Yeah.

80s AIDS. It was in its monkey pox face. Right. AIDS related. AIDS related. Okay. Yeah, hospitalized again. I'm trying to think. Sharon's still in the 90s. By the way, she was found on the street badly beaten and raped. AIDS related AIDS related Okay Yeah Hospitalized again

I'm trying to think Sharon's still in the 90s By the way She was found on the street Badly beaten and raped She was like a homeless Drug addict After being like

On the cover of Vogue Whoa She had some great cans Hold on That's not her No no Look at Do topless

Angelina Jolie Yeah She would bleep these Peters Cause we don't want to Lose the content But we do need to Bleep some boobies And email me the link Well you can like Fuzz them out Or block them out Or something None of those are Because we don't want to lose the content, but we do need to bleep some boobies. And email me the link.

Well, you can fuzz them out or block them out or something. None of those are her, I don't think. Oh, that's the real one. Oh, because I remember that scene. That was a famous scene. I'm trying to think, Mark, who are your top? I don't know. I got weird. I change week to week. Oh, yeah, look at that. Remember that one? Yeah, look at that. It's like my sack.

The right one is, the left one is longer. Remember that? And I remember being like, it's weirdly hotter that they're a little lopsided. It's more real. Yeah, I thought so. I like it. Something about that mug.

John Voight's daughter. John Voight's daughter. And her, look, can you Google her mom? Her mom is, what is her name? Genevieve or Micheline? Micheline? Michaelene. I don't know. beautiful michaeline black that's in my top three yeah no oh wow she's gorgeous can i tell you who is so gorgeous that's the mom jesus she might be hotter than angelina i know right wow

um who i think is really hot. Who? Did I just blank? Tammy Biscutelli. I'm going to remember. Don't look at me for a second. All right, all right. You know what? Kelly LeBrock? I'm looking at her fucking stupid face.

It's so perfect. Not Blanchett. The other one. Kate Blanchett? Kate Winslet. Kate Beckinsale. Yes. Yeah, she's up there. She's hot. The other one. Kate Blanchett? Kate Winslet. Kate Beckinsale. Yes. Yeah, she's up there.

She's hot. She's flawless. So Kate, we forget about her because she's been so hot for so long. We don't forget about her. Pete Davidson made it attainable. Made her like, oh. Not attainable, but like, oh, she's human. She fucked Pete Davidson.

Are we taking personality into this? No, no. Come on. Okay, but if we're taking personality, you got No, no. Come on. If we're taking personality, you've got to throw Julia Louis-Dreyfus in the mix. If we are taking personality. We're not taking personality. Let's keep it objective.

Ejectifying. She's perfect. Yeah, she's in there. Elizabeth Hurley is pretty fucking hot. Still. Chrissy Turlington, I think, is the most beautiful woman that ever lived. What? Who was the one that Billy Joel used to hook up with?

Chrissy Brinkley. She's fucking hot. See, I'm not a... Still. Blondes with skinny lips, to me, you guys just want a blonde and you're willing... I feel like how high you have to be for a blonde face-wise is so much lower. I remember Amy Schumer took me to a Knicks game once, and we were in the room, and I remember seeing her,

and being like, man, who's that hot chick? And she goes, are you kidding me? And she was like, that's fucking Christy Brinkley. And I was like, she's like 65. And I was like, what? Christy Brinkley, yeah, no, Christy Brinkley, she's the one that had a sister who died. Uh-oh.

Elizabeth Hurley's insane. She had a sister who died in a drunk driving accident. Oh, wow. So that's Chrissy Turley. Billy was driving. Yeah. Down to the, like, how about second one to the right? Down one. Yeah.

I think Cate Blanchett is fucking hot. She's very pretty, yeah. She's hot in a way that kind of intimidates me, though. Me too. I wouldn't be able to get hard. I would just have to appreciate it like a painting, you know? Yeah, you're kind of just like... Artsy hot. Yeah. But did you see Nightmare see nightmare alley she's so hot now really i haven't seen

um not a great movie but she's so hot i don't think i remember i don't think i remember you know who else is hot in a way that i can't she feels a little mousy to me but there's something there's a some reason you can't stop watching her is, oh my God, what is everyone's fucking name? Nancy Pelosi. Did you see that picture of her tits? I did.

That was insane. Andrew is such a fucking, the heavies, I mean, he's just so. He's going hard on that heavy stuff. Now that like,

the butts are in, he's back to titties. It's so. Are you a butt or a tit guy? I like both. Why do we have to choose? I know, exactly. You shouldn't have to. I are you are you a butter a tick guy i like both yeah why do we have to choose i know exactly you shouldn't have to i don't think i think both are great we don't do you know what we are holding fake tits we're not holding fake butts here you guys is there a like a looking down upon fake tits no we're fucking with someone we love them we got sent them in

is this uh what is this is a silicone this is from from Trey Parker's wife. She sent these in to us. Were they in her body? No, she makes them. She's a surgeon. Really? Boogie Parker is her name, right? Yeah, she's awesome. Why does he get cooler every time I hear him?

He's married to a surgeon? I know, right? I will say, I think the South Park movie is the greatest comedy of all time. Oh, which one? Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. It's a musical. It's genius. I'm America. No, that's Uncut. It's a musical. It's genius.

Is that America? No, that's Team America. That's Team America. That's great. That's incredible, too. Damn, hold on. I had a hot lady. We're losing here.

Yeah, give me a hot lady, Mark. Hold on. No, the girl from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Oh, yeah, she's cute. I feel like that was kind of a moment. She was very pretty.

I'm advocating for Burnett's. I love Burnett. Who's the woman who's in Woody Allen's Love and Death? What's that actress's name? She was so hot.lett johansson very hot but we know colin so that's weird oh it makes it awkward she's pigeon-toed by the way you know what jennifer connelly yes underrated but how big of a deal is like having a crush on them as a child matter no i'm okay with that you know i mean i jerked off to drew barrymore and et constantly i mean who gives no no dude the

child thing is definitely and hopefully like natalie portman like someone you've loved for so long gorgeous yeah you know but alissa milano less hot now who's the boss you're like hey she's cute now you read her twitter you're like i can't get hard you know what i um uh i there's this comic oh yeah pretty there's this comic uh i used to um mark mealy who i'm used to run around together and do open mics and um he did like really smart one-liners and uh he just did dude who's that? That's who I'm talking about. Oh, yeah. Gorgeous. Yeah. Love and death. And he would go, he's like, you know, look up Angelica Houston Young.

Ooh. I don't know. He would go. No, she was hot, dude. Playing with fire now. Really? I don't know. The booze is kicking in.

Dude, if it's good enough for Jack Nicholson, it's not good enough for Mark Norman? I think she's sexy. I don't think we're talking beauty here. When she was with Jack Nicholson. Yeah, she's beautiful. Put her next to Jack Nicholson so they think she's sexy. I don't think we're talking beauty here. Look at her young when she was with Jack Nicholson. Yeah, she's beautiful. Put her next to Jack Nicholson so they think she's hotter. Exactly. Like, she's got this.

She's got something. She's like really thin and wavy in a way that I don't even think is sexy. But because she looks like a weirdly gorgeous. She's also Hollywood royalty. But she's like a Transylvanian vampire dominatrix. But she looks like Marilyn Manson. No, she's beautiful. Come on.

How about Jack? Are you attracted to the young Jack or no? At least from a cool factor. Carnal knowledge is when I found out. Really? Wow, okay. And I'm half, I'm, yes. She's pretty hot there.

He's very hot. Huge dong. Really? Yeah, he fucked a couple porn stars. They went on Howard Stern and they talked about it. I didn't know that. Really quick, this comedian used to do a joke. He's like, the other day I went to the Bruce Springsteen concert and Tony Danza was there.

And I was like, dang, who's the boss? So you do like him a little bit. What, who? Tony Danza? Tony, no, no. That was just a joke. That's what you were talking about. But he's a handsome guy. Tony Danza? I What, who? Tony Danza? Tony, no, no. That was just a joke, what you were talking about. But he's a handsome guy. Tony Danza?

I think that, Young Tony Danza's good. Taxi Tony Danza? If you want to talk about low-key hot guys, Please, because we don't know. Bon Jovi.

Low-key? He's a rock star. I know, but like, Low-key hot dude, Bruce Springsteen. What do you guys think? Guys, I'm going to throw a curveball at you.

Paul McCartney. But I don't think he's hot. I think he's talented. He's not like a heartthrob. Bon Jovi's a good looking guy. Bon Jovi's like a heartthrob. He's pretty. Yeah. That's hot to me. Interesting. Just like... I feel like we got a shot at getting him on my other podcast.

I started a podcast with Julian Edelman, the football player, and they're friends. Did that talk about... ask him about opening question. Yeah. Oh my God. That's such a funny idea for a podcast. Just everyone's saying like, if we could get this guest, what's the funniest question to ask?

He had one question. For him, I want to go, what happened with Pepsi Clear? Was he on that? No, right now. Hey, that was the song. That was the song. Pepsi clear was the biggest thing. He must have made a fortune on that.

Flopped. Publicity stunt. Flopped. Yeah, flopped. Big flopped. Flopped. You got Bon Jovi. You've got Pepsi.

You've got clear. Damn. I just want to be like, what happened? Who is that nigga? Is that Postman Only Rings Twice? What movie is that? Such a stud. You know, it's weird as Axl Rose sang for Surge.

You know what is actually, I'm, people always tell me I look like the woman from The Shining. Shelley Duvall. Shelley Duvall. Shelley Duvall gave an interview to. Dr. Phil. Seriously, she did. Did she? She looks like kind of.

Recently? Yeah, yeah. Oh, because she did a, she moved to Montana and she talks all about how Kubrick treated her. Really? Damn. And not in a way that's shitty or I'm trying to cancel him. It was like this was his process. And he would keep me up all night and scream and he wouldn't let me sleep. And would scream.

When that scene where he was chasing with the axe, she was genuinely scared. Well, he did his job. He used to make Tom Cruise walk through a door for one shot just to get cruise walk through a door like for one shot just to get him walking through the door he said to the dp and everyone like have him walk through at 80 takes and then come get me whoa because he wanted so badly for him to just be like truly annoyed yeah yeah because he didn't there's other ways to annoy people you don't have

to just waste people's time i know right he was trying to like humble tom cruise because tom cruise was a huge star at the time and he like wanted to fuck up their marriage and like so much of that movie the fighting is like real and they divorced after like he really got off on like like abusing actors and then the one and it didn't even do well which is so fucked it's a good movie though it's good her acting in that is the acting is great legitimized her as an actress. Yeah, that's true. No, she's incredible. Have you seen To Die For?

Yes, she's very good at that. That's a masterpiece. And I was talking about this the other day because I actually, not that we need to pit women against each other, but sometimes it's so fun. Of course. Which is Naomi Watts, they were best friends. And Naomi Watts did David Lynch's Mulholland Drive.

And then Nicole Kidman did that. And I kind of feel like Naomi Watts, remember when she did, was it Eight Pounds? Like, I felt like she was going to be the next Meryl Streep. She was blowing up for a while. Yeah, oh yeah. She was in a lot of stuff. And then Nicole Kidman kind of went away with the Scientology thing. People kind of lost respect for her.

But she's not a Scientologist, I thought. No. I thought that's why they broke up. Oh, is that right? I assumed she was. Isn't that what ended it? I think her dad is a psychologist. And that's why it was like she's like a problem person or whatever they call it.

Submissive. Or sorry, suppressive. Yeah, something like that. Whoa. Like Katie Holmes. I don't know. That happened for a while. She's a great actress.

There's a great movie that she was in called Pieces of April. It's good? It's actually like, I watched it when I was, I think, like dealing with my like daddy, daddy, love me, love, like trying to figure out a new family. And I had like a Thanksgiving at my house for like my friends. And like dad's not showing up. Like that's what the movie's about.

It's this girl who is all fucked up and she went to rehab and she's like trying to make it all go away by making like a nice Thanksgiving dinner at her shitty apartment. Yeah. The family doesn't. It's like you decide I'm going to stop being mad and stop drinking. And but your family doesn't understand. Yeah, of course. You know, when you've done all this work to change, but no one else has.

Yeah. Shit stays toxic. Yes. Do you know her, Katie Holmes? No. No. But you know that, like, moment where you realize, like, oh, I've done all this work. Y'all are the same.

Yeah, of course. Yeah. But then they still, but they can bring you back down to the shit. If I do any of my, if I use any of my tools here, you're just going to think I'm being an asshole. Yeah. Would you think you're better than me with your therapy, your college bullshit? Oh, your boundaries, really? Oh, you can only stay for seven hours? Okay. Tell me more about Freud, you piece of shit. So it's like, yeah, everything, like when you get healthy, the sick get angry. It's about that.

Whenever I go home, I say, I have to leave soon. Don't get used to this magical charisma being around yeah no let me ask you that you're a lady oh you got a lady part where do you stand on these guys who go uh hey if a woman doesn't have a kid by 40 she's gonna shoot up a post office or whatever the hell it is what do you think that? I don't listen to Tim's podcast. I do hear it's hilarious. I've not heard that. That's a thing, like a scientific theory people have. Uh-huh.

I think a hot take I think would be... Mark just listens to Jordan Peterson. He's like, a lot of scientists are saying this. I've heard people say that. I'm actually working on a bit about this i just why can't comedians just like have a conversation i am working on a bit about this so if it's funny just know i'm not trying to make you laugh i just happen

to be working got it like the spiral um but uh about like uh my guy friends who like the more someone has been like fired from prestigious establishments the smarter they think the person is interesting they'll be like this person was fired from three universities disbarred from right a lawyer kicked off twitter kicked off instagram and youtube removed from the chair of every foundation he's on he must know some shit yeah this guy is smart yeah like it's just sort of like the more shunned someone is the more like a rebel galileo galileo he said they are all the world was round not all these people are ahead of their time some of them are just problems yeah what is the jordan peterson i'm not saying i agree i'm just saying what do

you think as a woman oh I'm asking your opinion. As a woman, I think the worst thing we can do is bring more kids in the world to be like to people who aren't ready to fully parent not selfishly. There's a lot of that, Nick Cannon. You know? Nine kids. Yeah. Do you want to work to your 105? I know.

What is it? That's too many. Also, my question is like, why nine? Nine isn't, that's three more than the Brady Bunchady bunch it is there was a show how that was too many good point three more it is a hoarding thing like why can he have nine kids and it's cool i have nine abortions it's not good point it was too he's got about 12 by the way i know i'm going on rogan this week i know i hope this doesn't come up because i I know that they're friends or whatever. But like, I feel like anyone who thinks there's a shortage of humans is just someone that needs, like, hasn't flown commercial in a while.

Like, it's also like maybe people just don't want to talk to you. Like, he's like, there's no one around. Right. Have you looked around? This place is dead. It's like, I think it's like everyone's working from home traffic is horrible yeah yeah it's just like i don't think he sees that many humans because either they you know whatever his life yeah when you live in a compound you're not grocery store right i think we need more humans no we're good also why does every girl he procreates

with have eyes so far apart i didn't notice that well he does want to go to space maybe there's a connection like he's trying to make little aliens have you seen look at the girl that he broke his look at talula riley it's not just him his dad's knocking people up too his dad's like 78 he's still dumping roads that's right yeah i don't know dude it feels and then and then he's doing that neural link thing what is that neural link is what i'm so right joe brings this up every five seconds. He's obsessed with it. Wow, we just fart and stuff. It's weird.

We try to keep it light. Her eyes are far apart. Okay, that's Tallulah Riley. Now look up. How old is she? Girl who. She was great in Mars Attacks. No, well, here's the thing.

Grimes looks like John Travolta in Galaxy. Look up Grimes and Elon Musk. what was the one where he had the dreads oh battle not battlefield earth yeah yeah i said galactica holy shit battlefield earth yeah so everyone has made some turds huh yeah yeah dude remember the general's daughter he's made some real fucking yeah yeah broken Yeah, yeah. Broken arrow. Yeah. But what's the, but Pulp Fiction. Can't beat it.

It's not. But, but. Michael. But Phenomenon. He's still great. I'm just saying there's a lot of bad ones in there too. But Grease. Grease.

Saturday Night Fever's amazing. Those are all great. He was very sexy. He was. He was kind of Bowie level. Oh. Really? Like with the Bee Gees stuff, it was not not homoerotic.

It was a little Freddie Mercury-esque. Definitely. You look back and you're like. Is he hotter that you know that if a woman slept with him, you know he wouldn't enjoy it? Does that make him hotter? He is a homo. That he's unattainable? Here's the thing.

I saw him one time at a place called the Peninsula in Los Angeles. It's a fancy hotel I've never been to. A friend of mine had her baby shower there. He was there sitting in the corner. And so I spent the entire time walking past his table to try to get a glimpse of him. Like at my friend's baby shower. I couldn't walk back. He's stunning.

He's gorgeous. really no he's a are you kidding me look at him he was bald fully bald i didn't know if it was like work or or steroids or hgh or just money you know when you like see someone and they just look like preserved well preserved yes yes he's gorgeous what's the most recent movie he was in that looked like the worst movie of all time? You know, he's still gorgeous. You reminded me when you said SNL. One time I saw Blake Lively in person.

Yeah. And I see her in pictures and she's obviously a 10. She's gorgeous. But when you see her in person, you're like, I can't explain it. There's a beauty that is like some people, the camera loves them. Yes. And some people just in person loves them. What about-

I saw Will Smith once and it was the same. His skin is perfect's tall he's muscular he just lit up the place what about ryan reynolds is he like a really hot guy do you know what's crazy about ryan reynolds i i feel like i'm biased because when i was in college this is so embarrassing i was the correspondent for the entertainment correspondent for the tv station like like the college television station, which is so fucking dorky. Cause it was like, I was shooting it on a, it was for me to get like a reel. I don't know how, when he did that movie, Van Wilder, he came to colleges, he came to Penn.

I got an interview with him. I don't even know how it happened. I couldn't even tell you. And I went to his hotel room in the Four Seasons. I'm 18 years old. Like, hey, do you want to talk about the movie he was wonderful really it was just like where it was so awkward and i didn't understand that it was awkward i was like anyway so what was it like were there any pranks like i took it yeah no one has ever gone to john travolta's hotel room at the four seasons have been like that was wonderful. No one ever.

Also the plot of Beasts of No Nation. And like, he was like, I can't even, he was almost like, I can't explain it. I've never run into him since or anything like that. But he was so, I look back at that situation. I'm like, even if he, most guys that weren't creepy, that would be a weird situation. He was overly cool to where he made it feel fine. Oh, yeah. He seems like a regular dude. He's funny on Twitter.

He struggled for a while in his career. The only thing that is so wild to me, and here's the thing, this proves you can make mistakes. Maybe, so I have this theory. It's not a theory. It's just like when so many of the people we know, my friends, they'll be like, we can't even hire these young kids in the office.

They want to take us to HR and they say that it's a toxic work. And I'm just like, why are you taking the meeting? Fire them. Like, you know, like Sue. I don't know. Okay. Sue. Like, everyone will know the truth.

Right. I would rather go to war with you. You tweet about me and everyone will know the truth. I would rather go to war with you. You tweet about me and everyone will know my character. Yeah. You know, or they won't. So it's like when this when Ryan Reynolds, he got married at like a slave plantation. I saw that. And it was like anyone else I feel like that would have buried forever.

Right. He was posing at his wedding in front of slave huts. A plantation. Yeah. No, there's slave housing. Oh, really? There's like slave huts. No, there's slave housing. Oh, really? There's like slave huts. It's like in South Carolina

or something. Gorgeous. Yeah, they're very pretty. And he was like, I'm really sorry. And we gave him the benefit of the doubt because he had a record of being not shady.

And we just feel that he's like, you know, the same thing with, I'm like. What? You bring this back up, it sinks him right now. That'd be great.

To like, he did what? Ryan Reynolds That'd be great. He did what? Ryan Reynolds? He did apologize. He got ahead of it. He apologized before the backlash, and I think that was smart. Whatever he did was perfect. That's how to do it. I thought it was weird he didn't pay anyone who catered the wedding.

But, you know. Cotton. Not saying it, not saying it, not saying it. Yeah, holding back. Not saying it, not saying it not saying it not saying it yeah holding back not saying it not saying it alright um

but know that I could make you laugh right now if I wanted to did you notice that everyone at that wedding when they were around the caterers they were just

like bouncing they were just bouncing like this off of the bodies of slaves um but uh so yeah

I think that like to me I'm like alright that was it. All right. I'll see you guys next week. We got to wrap this thing up here. I know. I could talk to you guys forever.

I feel like I'm like rambling. No, you're doing great. No, you're doing a good F. Oh, yeah. We've done bits. Oh, yeah. All right. We got to go quick here.

Oh, shit. Hit me with a bit. Oh, like new bits you guys are working on? Yeah, just a premise of a raw, uncooked, half-baked idea. I like trans people. That's good stance. Okay, stick with me. All right.

I just feel like, I believe, I have friends that are 35 and they transitioned to be a woman at 35. They knew it for. No man would ever commit to anything that long. That's funny. Like something, there's something in like yes that's how we know um guys don't seem that bothered about i love them phoning it and god forbid i like try no that's a good that's a good premise like just something about like guys aren't um worried about trans men like women that transition that you never hear about that like women when they transition to men guys are like well that's just smart right right that's just a good business move yeah the commit thing is great because you know the guy the perpetual dater guy who won't settle down

he can't settle down a gender he's like ah I dabbled with being a woman now I'm back I don't want to commit yeah it's like oh you finally found someone yeah exactly yeah and then maybe I was I just have like this whole, like kind of just trying to go the other way of like trans women in sports. Like was women's sports going so well? Like, was that like a thriving business model? It's true, you need the numbers.

Yeah, like if there's like a trans female comedian who's hilarious, I'm like, have you fully, not totally, you're with us, but like, well, we need as many, you know, I'll take whatever I can get. We're not like, you have an advantage because you used to be a male comedian. I'm just like, you're with us, bitch. I don't give a fuck.

The W.A. could use him dunking. That's all we're saying. Can I tell you, I was thinking, like, I'm allowed to make fun, because people get a little groany around it. Like, I feel like I'm allowed to make jokes like this, because being a female comedian is basically like being in the WNBA. Right. Like no one wants to come see us.

It's like, but then there's something to me about like, oh, like I think we, I think what someone needs to do is just acknowledge that like trans women can be dicks. Like I'm friends with, like, I, they're, I, they are, because they're just living life as a woman for the first time and it's, it's, they don't understand how stressful it is. So a girlfriend of mine, like, you know, she's trans.

She'll be like, I just went I just had a hate crime happen. I'm like, oh, my God. Like, what happened? She's like a man that I don't even know. Wrote a comment saying that I'm a lying, unfunkable cunt. And I was like, congratulations. Your transition is. Hey, that's great.

You're a woman now. Yeah, exactly. You're a woman now. You lost the hymen. Yeah. like congratulations your transition is hey that's great like you're what you sit with yeah exactly you're a woman now like this is you lost the hymen yeah yeah it's broken like this is like i mean this is really brutal but like just the idea of like um you know like trans it's their time to be they're still in their um they haven't got to their like flat stage of womanhood yet they don't know that like women now, we all dress like bull dykes. Right. And you guys are fucking up the bell curve. Like, why are you in heels?

Like no one does this anymore. That's true. They always go hardcore stereotype lady. This is why you're in a bad mood. Like just kind of like, so girl, because my thing is like, guys, you don't have to do anything about it. Like we'll handle this.

This is our problem. Like they're taking our prizes. They're taking our men. Woman of the year. We know know just give us a second to psychologically fuck with them to where like we we will do what we do with other women we will make sure they have no self-esteem left and if they keep taking our awards we will call tanya harding out of retirement or like something but we know what to do the problem is

all you women are supporting these women they're not officially women until you guys break off into a corner and are like, That's a good point. That's when they're fully women. Yes, exactly, right, that's funny. That's a good point. It's not a full woman until we can make fun of you and trash you and make you wanna kill yourself.

Yeah, but it's also funny, oh, maybe it's something of like when trans women come to me and they're like, men like hate us. I'm like, what do you think we think? You think they hate you? Like the fact I hate you has nothing to do with you being trans. It's just you're a little prettier than me. And I don't like you think that was bad.

Right. You know, like I think there's just, you know, someone needs to just be able to say, yeah, they can be cunts too. Drag queens. Everyone's like, drag queens are molesting our kids. It's like I have a lot of drag queen friends. Drag queens don't want to fuck your kids. They won't even hug their own friends. I can't even get my own friend to hug me.

It's just kind of more of a... They're very distant people. And when people complain about their kids like my kid's gonna get molested by a trans person or my kid's gonna get molested by a drag queen like all you're doing is like telling everyone that you think your kid is hot he's molestable like you think your kid's worth going to jail for right yeah trans are already tiptoeing on ice you know they're already on eggshells now let me fuck that kid that'll make my life easier it's also like whenever a kid is in a bathroom you're just annoyed just like oh also

why are those kids in so many public restrooms have they never seen a law and order episode like this doesn't end well let's make kids restrooms fuck trans only kids should have their own restroom yeah yeah yeah by the way, you know, like, drag queens are the least dangerous thing in a public restroom. Yeah, right. You know, like, you let your kid walk in barefoot. Yeah. He stepped on an age needle.

Yeah. Yeah. He might get fucked with some hairspray. That's about it with a drag queen. There's a lot here. Right. There's something about, like when um there was like drag queens reading to kids uh remember and they were like why are the coming to schools reading to kids

it's like oh right in schools like you know i might have to set up like catholic schools like the men in the short dresses no the men in the long dresses you're fine uh you know what i mean just something about like drag queens in schools yeah they were they're not dressing like amish ladies yeah it's just like priests are fine yeah long robe fine short dress no right like they're just i don't know why are priests fine by the way they don't have a great track record either that's wild those are the ones you shouldn't let in the bathroom yeah i i've never have you ever gotten a like a priest molesting joke to work oh yeah i got a new one of my special that's kills well which one i say uh well i kind of flip it on jews

basically say uh because i say you know rabbis fuck a lot of kids too but my angle is uh you know they do it less than priests because i think it's because jewish kids are really annoying like like like no one wants to molest a lact, like, like no one wants to molest a seven year old who's like, do I have to get on my knees? They're very achy. My allergies, my allergies are killing me. Okay.

That's hilarious. There's a priest fucking joke. That's hilarious. I've never, never gotten it to work. Um, never gotten it to work. Never gotten it to work. No angle is hacky.

You can find a way. I mean, no premise, rather. I mean, bad angles sometimes. You know what it was? I think I was, I don't know, maybe it's just because people are so sick of hearing about the sexual harassment stuff, myself included, but I think it was something about, like,

no one cares when boys get molested, and it's just, like, when an actress is hugged for too long, we shut down the country for too long we shut down yeah country like we shut down like if if an actress is uncomfortable but if a boy is like fucked in his church for years no there's no one gave a fuck like no one cares no one cares it's funny like people it's funny huh when the the the teacher will fuck a 14 year old boy galifianakis has that joke like that kid died from high-fiving you know that's a great joke but that joke is 15 years old maybe it's the funniest image of all time just dying from this

it's really the funniest image maybe this is too jokey but i was like yeah there's no place for kids that were molested in the catholic church like to go there's no place for kids that were molested in the Catholic Church to go. There's no charities. Best case scenario, they all end up in AA and all those meetings take place in a church. Right, right, right. Rogan had a bit about that. Well, he had a bit about how, ladies, it sucks when you go through the raping and all the molesting and the harassing. But he's like, at least people feel sorry for you. That was his joke.

Yeah. If my friend got molested by Harvey Weinstein, I'd be like, ah, you pussy. That's his joke But this is different. There was also like when you molest a kid the The Catholic Church will send you to the Vatican That's fun to be protected. So there's something about like I don't really the beast. I don't want to molest a kid but like I Get a free trip to Italy right I know that was cool yeah I don't wanna fucking kid but like go live in the Vatican it also sucks for the kid

he's like now I'm going to the Super Bowl molesting that's what they should have called the show parts unknown documentary about the guy that was molested as the baby the comedian from Boston is Boston. Oh, Barry Crimmins. R.I.P. Yeah. That was like that was maybe the first time I feel like I watched something where I couldn't make a joke about it. I never saw it. I heard it's great.

It's good. It's incredible. It's like there's no way to make a joke. I'm trying. Like if you watch it, you're like, oh, this is just... It was sad. It was brutal. I couldn't even go like... Like, he couldn't even make a

corny joke to cope. Even after he got molested though, he still had to get under the spotlight. That was a movie about molesting kids. Alright, that was a stretch, but I went for it. That was a good movie. Produced by Harvey Weinstein ironically. Is that right? Yeah.

Whoa, best picture, I think. I'm pretty sure. Didn't he produce Spotlight? Is that true? Wow. I think he did. That would be wild. Nah, he's not a fucking...

That would be wild. He had taste, I'll tell you. He's all right. He was raped violently when he... It's actually when he was two. Harvey? No, maybe. Oh. Who are we talking about? No, Barry Crimmins. Oh, Barry

Crimmins, yeah, yeah, yeah. The way he like describes the baby, it makes you so angry. Yeah. That you like can't function. That's rough. Was I wrong? Did he not produce? Did you see the Whitney Houston documentary? I did. With the lesbian stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah, heavy. How

unnerving was that footage of her on drugs scene? Oof, brutal. Is that what you guys saw of me during the pandemic? Is this what you feel like you guys were watching? Because when I walked out, I was like, oh, maybe this is what they felt. Let's be real. We all spiraled during the pandemic. Those were dark times.

Oh, yeah. Dude. Can you believe that happened? That's so fucking weird. Do you know what else is weird? I actually was like, people laugh when I said it, but I was being dead serious. I actually think there's a case to be made for that time to not count towards our age. I thought the same thing.

Really? It's two years. It's like, come on. We didn't do anything. We didn't live. It aged us exponentially, but weirdly, it shouldn't count. I know. I'm 39.

I'm like, I should be 37. Yes. That feels like it was a, what is it? I'm not tantamount. When it's next to you. Like a parallel universe. Oh, yeah, completely. It was like time just stopped.

It all just went online. We just lived online for two years. Do you ever see memories come up in your phone from like a year ago and you're like, don't remember. It feels so passive aggressive, doesn't it? You're on a roof. It feels like an attack. Well, a lot of people are getting fired off of Facebook, meta, whatever, because it's

like 10 years ago today and it's like their Halloween photo of them is Pocahontas. Sure, sure. And it's like bringing out like a lot of people are getting fired because you forget you uploaded that justin trudeau is like delete delete but it also shows it was a better time because it was like oh we were free to like you didn't even think about posting a pocahontas photo photo you were just like ah this was fun it's also funny that you can go as a murderer on halloween but you can't go as like a silly racial thing. It is funny, right? So funny.

I'm more scared of the dude in the scream mask. No, you can be a Viking. Yeah. Pirate. Pirate. Yeah. Mike Myers. Whatever.

Anybody. You can be OJ, but you can't do blackface. Well, I mean, I think there was a big like, as you look back at like the cringey costumes, like you'd look back at like Paris Hilton costumes or like Britney Spears costumes and you're like, oh, I know. What's a scarier costume, a ghost or a dude who might lose everything in two years? That's a scarier costume. Good point.

Good point. It's a weird Halloween when you're scared of the people without masks on. Right. That's what it was like. I mean, it was wild. Do you dress up on Halloween or no? I was, I hold a grudge. And I want to say six years ago when I was living in Studio City, I like went all out

because I was like trying to reconnect to like the child that didn't get everything they needed. Just because I didn't get what I needed doesn't mean I can break the cycle. I can let, you know, I'm going to be the Halloween neighbor that I never had. I'm going to make the Christmas tree that I never had. I'm just going to like have, it's never too late to have the childhood you never had. That cost a lot of money to learn. And so I dressed up as Superwoman like i'm gonna show young girls that

women could be powerful you know i'm like going to the cvs and walgreens i'm getting like the kit kats and rolos and like no fucking apples no rolos are the most underrated candy in the game great candy my number one one one i think they might be my number one my number one always twix is up there but rolo is up there and kit kat like if you don't overdo it it's like but rolo is no one talks about rolo i talk about it a couple of roles on another level good name for stephen hawking keep going we got a i recently went i was in baltimore and i got a rolo blizzard whoa whoa that killed ralphie may yes and meatloaf and I got a Rolo Blizzard. Whoa. Whoa. That killed Ralphie May. Yes. You knew that. And Meatloaf.

You couldn't Rolo over. That's what happened in Saigon. So I don't know where I'm going with this. Halloween, costume, childhood. No one comes to my house. I have these amazing things. The kids are like walking. You know in LA, the streets are like on hills.

You have to hike. Sure. And all the kids, you know. And so they're not coming down my cul-de-sac so i was like running i was like okay i'll just run towards them and i was like look guys i'm my house is down here like do candy like i just you can't do that yeah you can't chase kids yeah that's so true like you in a cape like you can't and none of that i would like look at the parents and be like and they were like why do you yeah what are you doing like none of us want to do this

right you're not allowed to want this yeah we go on amazon now yeah this is total we're phoning this in like don't make us come down another street right we have to do all these houses like the parents looked at me like you know and it was like this heartbreaking moment where i was like oh okay i'm just going to leave Mr. Goodbars and mounds out. Fuck you, kids. I'm going to leave a bunch of peanuts out. That's the other thing is that, I mean, at least in California, they're like, peanuts? Is there peanuts in here? Oh, funny.

They can't just take candy from people. That's interesting. It used to be like, there's a razor blade. Now it's a peanut. This is, I'm really trying to... That's a premise. Last thing I'll say to try to get you guys out to LA. Alright. Well, we're never going to move, but we'll be out there. We'll visit. I i recently had to get a rabies vaccine i had to get three shots of uh rabies i have one more strong pitch so far because i in the middle of the night let the dogs out a raccoon like ran up my leg what and i call animal control because it's like hanging in my tree

and it's like i don't know if it's sleeping or what's going on. And then I start poking it, content, content. And it's like kind of looking at me and like I do think there's certain Instagram feeds that are gonna, someone's gonna die because they think dangerous animals are like super snuggly. It's probably happened. Because of some Japanese feed they follow

where they sleep with 12 raccoons. You're like, oh, raccoons are like nice. People are snuggling with tigers and shit on Instagram and you get dumb so i call animal control and i'm like i think i need some help with this raccoon it's acting weird it might be rabid and she was like oh no it's fine it's just a lot of people in la right now they're testing their cocaine for fentanyl if in a test positive they flush it down the toilet so it probably just has some fentanyl and it's whoa That's a movie premise right there. Snakes on a plane.

Yeah. Raccoons on fentanyl. Yes. There it is, folks. Check out the new Netflix special called Cancer Hooker. In remission, Hooker. Jokes, it's on Netflix now. Give it a watch.

Whitney's podcast, good for you. Yeah, hell yeah. Did I succeed in not making a corny title of the special? Jokes is perfect. It's kind of a good title. I can't believe it hasn't been done. I know, right? Me neither.

I was thinking about calling it Setups and Punchlines. Oh. But I didn't want it to be too, I was going to, there was a moment where I was going to call it like actual jokes. Yeah, that's funny. But it's a little aggressive. Mark Merritt wouldn't like that. I just want to be like,

this isn't a TED Talk. I'm not going to like trick you with comedy and then be vulnerable. Yeah. Demetri Martin has these are jokes. So you beat him with the economy of words. Oh, that's right. He'll hate you for that.

Super tight that guy. I know. Yeah. Naming a special. I wanted to, because I shot it in Newark. I wanted to call it Live from Newark. Why Newark? How did you choose Newark?

Because I kind of feel like I'm the Newark of comedians. You know things that just like have. You're getting better. But I just think. The tetanus has cleared up. And you've had Cory Booker inside you. There we go. So look at me.

I'm editing what I was saying. I didn't say all the things I was just going to say. Say it, say it. At the buzzer to make me feel shame for the rest of the week. I was in Montclair doing a show there. First, I love Montclair. Yeah, great town. It's gorgeous.

Beautiful. And I was at the Wellmont Theater and I was like, I want to do it here. Like the show we just did. I just want to, you know, when you have like the, I think special should actually, you should never know when it's being filmed and you're just doing,

you know when you like do a show and you're like, that was it. Like, was anyone rolling on? Like what if someone just came out after the most magical set ever and was like, just so you know, we just shot your special. And you're like, what? special and you're like what no you're being pumped because you know when you know you're being filmed it's always just more it's just weirder and it's just been nice to be kind of weirdly

ambushed on a night that you weren't thinking about it but it's hard to capture that magic but um for sure but then i just kind of was like you know what like i'm i had a run-in or a situation with west virginia where i made fun of like how half my family's from west virginia it just kind of was like, you know what? Like, I had a run in or a situation with West Virginia where I made fun of like how half my family's from West Virginia. It's kind of this whole thing. And, you know, there was this backlash and I was like, they wanted me to apologize. And it was kind of like, what is the like, what's the actionable item here? Like, yeah.

And then they made a good point. They were just like, come perform here. Make fun of us all you want, but like help bring business here. Yeah. You know, come to Charlleston come to west virginia if you're gonna make fun of us at least come here and do it to our faces and help with tourism and stuff and i was like you know what that's awesome and i'm gonna start um choosing the way i do business in cities that need the you know tourism or need the economy to be helped out and like we

sit around and joke about newark all day and make fun of it but no one actually goes there to do something yeah you know so i was like there's a gorgeous theater there it's gorgeous really yeah and it's like no like carnegie hall doesn't need our yeah it does it's i mean that's everyone's dream you know it doesn't need a commercial yeah it's just kind of like why am i fighting tooth and nail for skirball to charge me 80 grand where they could they're just i'm annoying to them good point when i go to a place that's like grateful yeah psyched and the audience was grateful. All right, I'm going Wuhan. Next special.

I'll see you there. I'm making a good case for fucking ugly guys. That is where I draw the line. Where I draw the line. So I get carried away. No, no. Is it WhitneyCummings.com, the website? I don't know.

Who knows anymore? God. You never know. Some people have a.jizz or a.whatever. See-so. Who knows? But yeah. All right.

Thank you so much. This is great. Thank you, guys. What an F. We're all on the road. Your podcast is old. Check us out. My special's out September 1st.

Please watch that. Yes. Same time tomorrow. Dude, you are an animal, man. I have no life. Mark, where are you going to be on the road? I'm all in the road. Where are you going to be?

Plug some days. I have a couple dates that are just left over from- Oh, plug them. I have to have a new hour in three weeks. Oh, God. I mean, Cincinnati, Philadelphia, Richmond, and Charlottesville. I'm so sorry. Mark, what do you got?

You're going to watch me go, what else is happening? Neptune Theater. You got to scroll, Sally. Neptune Theater is amazing. Is it? Love it. First time. Never got in?

No, no. It's great. All right. Keep going, man. Comedy Connection. Oh, yeah. Nice. Keep going.

Geez. San Jose Improv. San Jose is gorgeous. I love San Jose. Fun room. Yeah. It's giant. Toronto.

It's like 800 seats. Oh, yeah. Oh, is it that big? The Rocks and Theater. It's giant. Toronto. It's like 800 seats. Oh, yeah. Oh, is it that big? The Rocks and Theater. Danforth Musical? Wow, that's a giant venue. I'll not sell that out. We'll do one there.

Vogue Theater. I love Vogue Theater. One of my favorite venues on the planet. Oh, great. Joy Theater, the Wilbur, Fillmore and Philly, Zany's, all kinds of fun. MarkNormanComedy.com. Who books your dates? This really vacillates back and forth.

I know. From musicals to like a penguin's hut. marknormancomedy.com. Who books your dates? This really vacillates back and forth. I know. From music halls to like a penguins. We got San Jose. We got LA. We've got fucking. Louisville is awesome. I think Louisville

they still smoke inside. Burlington, Louisville, Irvine Improv, Omaha, Phoenix, Lexington, New Brunswick,

all over. OKC, samorell.com slash shows. Watch the special same time tomorrow. Hell yeah. Check it out, please. Praise Allah. Thank you, Whitney. Thanks, guys.

We love you. Thank you. Sorry for all the YouTube comments. Y'all good. Gotham, thanks for having us. We'll see you all in hell. Sunday's the day for my next bender. A bit of Pivoreck, you know the beer juice close

I've had a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans We might be true.