We Might Be Drunk - Ep 88: Bill Burr & Root Beer Floats

Episode Date: August 14, 2022

It's here, Bill Burr sits down with Mark Normand and Sam Morril to talk comedy, movies, sports, and more. Don't forget Bodega Cat is available now! http://www.BodegaCatSpirits.com We got a new shirt store: https://www.bonfire.com/store/gotham-production-studios/ Join us on Patreon: http://www.Patreon.com/WeMightBeDrunkPod Find Mark and Sam on the road! https://www.sammorril.com/shows http://marknormandcomedy.com/ Visit www.betterhelp.com/Drunk for 10% off your first month. Support the show and get $20 off your first purchase with the code DRUNK at https://Fanimal.com Support the show by going to sheathunderwear.com & use promo code DRUNK to get 20% off your first order.

Hey folks we might be drunk good to be here sorry what you're saying we're just talking Tarantino there's a video with a woman uh she's like why the violence why the violence because I love it it's great and it sells tickets you cunt leave us alone who cares about we're coming out hard I guess you know what episode. I just hate these guys. You know what's funny? They're going at Tarantino the way they go at hockey. Why the fighting? Why the fighting?

Like, if you get it out, that person complaining about it is going to watch it. It's the same thing. It's just like, if you're saying why the violence to that guy, you're not seeing any of his movies. Then when he takes it out, he'll just be like, it was sort of bland. Not a good effort you know exactly but now we just catered all them the queefs and now everything sucks yeah we talk about tarantino a ton on this because i i mean i love jackie brown that's one of my favorite movies of his because it's like it's got heart too he makes different types of movies too that's the

thing it's like they try to label them in a in a box but it's like pulp fiction reservoir dogs then like once upon a time in hollywood they're so different yeah i know that's my favorite of his once upon a time yeah i just i dude i saw it like three times and the last time i saw it i saw it in his theater and he literally had like the the rick dalton like the leonardo's character he had like the posters it was total immersive experience like those movies really happened yeah it was so awesome and uh no i just thought it was like you know leonardo dicaprio's performance when he's like he's in the scene and he's got nothing he's trying to like you know do all this it's just like he did that so well and

then he had that little speech impediment like every time i watched it i saw something else it had one of my favorite cars of all time it had this i think it was a 67 cadillac eldorado i fucking love that car and then i also like how know, there's always was this mystique of the Manson family. And he just reduced them to a bunch of lazy fucks who didn't want to get a job. Right. And I also, I think I noticed this on the third one. I don't know if this is true, but I think nobody says hippie without saying fucking in front of it. It's always fucking hippie.

Interesting. Good catch. It's the big thing of margarita punch your fucking hip yeah the scene where he's in the trailer and he drank too much and he fucked up a line and he's like god damn it what are you doing i've been there so many times in like a la quinta inn on the road like why did you say that you fucking idiot you got to stop drinking you got to write more that really self-hatred yes the self-hatred of that and he was going like making fun of his speech impediment you just saw the whole

oh yeah the whole thing it was you know and pitt is just so mysterious and cool in it like he's just a cool dude oh yeah he was awesome i love when he when he opens that beer and he's got the mask and like the foam shoots up on his face a little bit he didn't care he's just sitting there with that that oh yeah your gun and they kind of leave it open so good i think he killed his wife i don't know i gotta go back and see jackie brown i have not seen that since i saw it um in the theaters and i liked it in the theaters it's just something you know being in this business you know it's just so crazy like you're like i gotta watch that again and all of a sudden 25 fucking years goes by so i gotta see that that's a great one the detail

but also who would pick is it robert forrester yeah yeah who would pick that guy then to bring pam greer back i mean the guy does what he wants he's got great ideas lawrence tierney and reservoir dogs come on so you like to tell jokes i don't tip dude samuel jackson's funniest shit and jackie brown it's just it's just a great movie yeah is he your favorite director you think oh my god um i'm not so good jesus what do you got here beer jew today we got root beer floats oh my. I heard you liked them. Yeah, I do, but I'm 54, so. What do you get, one a month, maybe? I have like. Thank you. I have, you know, more commitments.

I feel like if I consume that, I'm going to need a nap. But I was also taught not to waste things. You got that right. Let's talk about the state of comedy while drinking a root beer float. Is that nutmeg on top? We're some of the edgier comics out here, people. Eating cotton candy. That's a little chocolate powder on top.

You guys have boozy root beer floats. Nothing says summer. Like a little bourbon in your root beer float. It's fucking delicious. That is good, Jesus. It is delicious. I haven't had one of these in 12 years, I'm going to say. Yeah.

Not since that diner in Atlantic City. Are you, how often are you on the road, Bill? Huh? Right now. You know what? I'm on the road and I don't care right now because I have a root beer. This is all I got left. Hold on.

I'm going to light one of these puppies while we're here. I always say that to younger people. Like, save up some fun days. Don't blow out your liver. You want to be that person that paces themselves so you can booze your whole life. So, you know, if you want to occasionally, you know, I think you need to be a little more introspective about your habits. Sorry. I'm kind of moderate.

Come on, you've been there, right? When they sit there and they talk about what's an alcoholic. What are you? Like, really? The bar is that low oh i see like four drinks a week i'm like now you're just being an asshole that's not fair yeah how about the doctor how many drinks do you have and you tell him and he's like oh and you're like oh i lied yeah all these new studies that say like there's no benefits to being under 40 and drinking there's none you know right yeah over 40 i guess there's some but i i don't know i heard once i like it so much that i don't abuse it and i think that rings true even though i do abuse it yeah no i did too i did i had a good time though i got my stories i'm like i'm like that old retired guy with the Hall of Fame jacket.

Let me tell you, back in the 80s. I don't know if you know this, but there's a video on YouTube of you calling DeRosa hammered at like 5 in the morning in Florida. Because he didn't go out and you went out and you're like shaming him for taking it easy that night. And what, did he post it? No, somebody found it. Somebody posted it. No, no, no. We must have played it on the radio show. what, did you post it? No, somebody found it. Somebody posted it. No, no, no, no. We must have played it on the radio show.

Maybe, but you're hammered. But you didn't say anything bad or anything. It's not incriminating. I was a happy drunk. Yeah, yeah, same. I was probably singing. I used to like to sing. Won't you come out, Joe DeRosa?

Won't you come out? I think that's in there. Something, that was a big hit for me back in the 2000s. When you're a good drunk, it's hard to quit, you know? Well, there's business, too. That's why I don't start back up. Because I was more of a habit guy. But it's like anything.

It's like these fucking things. I'll quit them, and then I'm good. And then I have one on a podcast. And then, you know, I abandon my family. So I'm going to put that on you guys. Well, I think hungover with toddlers is pretty rough. I don't think that's doable. So maybe when I have a little rug rat, I'll cool it with the sauce. You know something, too?

Is being downstairs hammered. And there's like the most innocent thing ever upstairs depending on you. Yeah. And you're like, if somebody came through the door right now, I'd run at them and just go down like that i couldn't drive them to the hospital so that ate at me um that's tough yeah so i basically the first year she was born i just was like i'm gonna take a break and then i uh i kept doing it and it's good but these things here i gotta watch out because you know kids just pick up on stuff like you should never smoke and they're like yeah you that's you only do that when you're an adult i'm like fuck gotta undo that gotta undo that so um but you know whatever enough about my failures as a father no no hey my dad was

a pretty big boozer really drink schlitz a comedian you had a great one always said he was proud of you and asked you how your day was. Still waiting. Still waiting. Mm-hmm. But. Schlitz, that's an ugly drunk. Schlitz, it was cheap, and he would drink them hot, and he would just leave the case

on the floor and just take one out. To be extra angry. Yeah. It wasn't pretty. It wasn't pretty. And he was always in boxers. I remember. And when he would drive, he'd go hand up.

Oh, yeah. Wait. My dad was a briefs guy. Oh. Oh, yeah. you'd go hand up. Oh, yeah. My dad was a briefs guy. Oh. Oh, yeah. What are you? Me? Oh, boxes.

He spent boxes forever. But everybody was briefs. Some boxes came in in like the 90s. But up until then, everybody was briefs. You just walked around. Everybody. Yeah. And they were white, too.

Yeah, they were white. It was just, this is it. This is what I'm bringing to the party. Yeah. That was a commercial in the 90s, Boxers or Briefs with Jordan. What about the Boxer Briefs? They do the combo. That's what I do.

That's what I do. You got to mix. No, that's what I have. You got the Boxer Brief. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That came in later because that was like a big thing when the Boxer Brief came in. It was like, hey, best of both worlds. Yeah, I don't know.

That's another thing. It's funny how there's just lies and everything. You don't know what to believe. It's just like, what's better? Boxes are bad because your balls are hanging down. The other ones,

they heat up your balls and your sperm count because it's just like, it's like the egg, you know? Is it good or is it bad? Wait, what? What's wrong with the egg? I don't know.

The egg has been good, bad, and good in my life and I think it's going bad it's like hulk hogan he's going bad again yeah he had he was the king and then he had like a sex tape or did you see that video the guy bubba the love sponge where he he was like god i told my wife to fuck him and then the video got out it was like a whole thing i think he sued gawker over that yeah he won like $150 million or something like that.

Oh, I thought that was the other one. Yeah. When the guy, when the wrestler drops the N-word in his promo. Oh, that is so good. The Saturday night,

Hulk Hogan, we're coming for you. And maybe the second he goes, oh, like that. And I just thought, it was so like. He was so in it. He just forgot where he was.

And I just loved how immediately he was like, oh, God damn it. I and i just loved how i mean he was like oh god damn it i said that in front of white people yeah he turned down the george foreman grill that was brought the whole this guy oh hogan oh he did yeah oh is this it oh yeah yeah yeah that roy wood in the back he says sucker he says this is all old school oh yeah this guy rules he committed oh i'm not connected. Oh, Sally. Crushing it while getting the pecs going. I know.

I don't think there was a ton of black guys in wrestling either. Take Blake Booker and your time. We want the gold, sucker. Hulk Hogan, we got it for you, nigga. Nah. Head and hands. Head and hands. And then he turns around and he's like, he's back in.

All right, fuck it. That didn't happen, but I just got to. Damn damn no no take we can't take that again huh that was just one take there's some great ones where they do outtakes where mean gene is laughing when someone will say something and then it oddly sounds like a gay sex act and he just starts cracking up uh i don't know i yeah i watch a bunch of that shit mean Mean Gene was incredible. That dude just knew how to... You need a straight man. Yeah. I gotta tell you, people from Goodfellas and Wrestlers Dying is the saddest thing about growing old.

It's just like your favorite movie, you know? We got Pauly Walnuts on the wall here. We love him. I know. He went, Ray Liotta went, and Paul Sorvino. Yeah. I'm such an... I didn't know that was Paul Sorvino. Yeah. I'm such an, I didn't know that was Maria Sorvino.

Did you read that thing where he was talking about how he was going to try to back out of the movie because he only played nice guys and he didn't think that he could do, you know, sort of that ominous thing that he did. And then one day he just kind of put the coat on and he said he was thinking about the character and he sort of looked up in the mirror and he like scared himself. And he's like, all right, I got this. Is it Leota? No, Paul sorvino so because paul has a he has a couple of like i

love that moment where he goes what do you want me to whack him and the guy hey i don't think that'd be a bad idea and he just kind of he just gives him this fucking look and he's like oh i didn't mean any disrespect he's just like oh my god this guy's gonna end up in a dumpster just this look that he gave him um and then also like i love when he's like when he with the onions when he's kind of like he's kind of looking down his nose and just like garlic oh my god yeah it's just like when like i feel like the food networks just show that scene before every it just makes you want to eat a great meal of course i can't cut garlic without thinking about that it's just beat burning my brain that and cutty sark it's just what i like i just like the how much italians give a shit just coming up german irish where

they just threw shit in a pot it's just like airport level go fuck yourself but these guys look at that face it's an art oh even in prison yeah beginning of the pandemic i made pasta like every night just because you know you bulk it out and i cannot think of the scene every time i mean how genius is that so it liquefies in the pan like how good is that yeah my mom has a food podcast shout out and uh she's like what do you want to talk about i talked about that scene and she's like a big you know italian mook and uh she had never seen that so it blew her mind she's like i thought this was like a bloody gangster movie i'm like no it's corsese they there's attention to detail yeah no and that's also too what's amazing about that movie is it's just there's so many like little vignettes

and little stories within the whole thing that like you know all of those script writing classes like everything that he did it makes no sense and then And then you watch it and it's just amazing. I know. The scene at the dinner with the mom, the hoof. That scene's amazing with the guy. One guy go this way, one guy that way. That scene's amazing. That's like a little movie in itself.

The scene with the wives where they all have herpes. That's a great moment. There's a million of them. And everything looked like it was thrown together. The scene where he wakes up and she's on top of him with the gun. I mean, there's so many memorable images. Oh, yeah. We've all had that one. Fucking De Niro turning the, you know,

Clapton plan. I mean, it's... Oh, yeah. There it is. How about Ray Liotta? How early that was in his career and he got thrown in with those guys and he totally hung with them and they were like improv-ing and all of that. Yeah. I love Ray Liotta, man. Yeah. I watched Something Wild recently again the other day. That's a great Liotta flick you know I never saw

I gotta see that great flick he steals it I mean he's incredible he's so scary in it man I got to work with him one time what?

really? yeah he was cool as hell I remember I came in the makeup trailer and he was just sitting there and he was in like a suit you know and I was just like

I didn't say anything I was just like wow and then you know we did the scene and everything and then he just he was just really like a warm guy you know you i was just like i didn't say anything i was just like wow and then you know we did the scene and everything and then he just he's real just really like a warm guy you know you wouldn't think you know just because of the characters he played a really like nice guy and uh we had a couple scenes together and but there was like a big amount of time in them between them we shot the first one in la and then there was like a month or five weeks and we shot the rest in new york out in like queens or whatever and we on top of that month or five weeks and we shot the rest in new york out like

queens or whatever and we on top of that that uh that silver cup we shot a scene on the roof of that thing oh yeah queens and uh he came out and uh i remember because he called my character skippy he was giving me you know because i had the whole ron howard look and he was just like sorry he goes hey what's up skippy you know with me i just started laughing and he was like all amped up you know what i'd know, to do the scene and everything. He was just really, really fun. Just a fun guy, man. It's a fucking shame.

I wonder if actors that big and that iconic get annoyed with guys who kind of blow them and look up to them and get excited. Are they like, ah, right. Act like you've been there or you think they're flattered? I think it all depends on the person so i always just i just keep my mouth shut and i just always treat it like if this guy wants to talk to me he will and then i think usually when you're just sort of quiet you're just doing your job and they think you're doing all right then eventually they get okay this guy's a pro he's not gonna ask for a fucking picture yeah i remember when we did that scene when that scene was over there was some extra in it um and the scene ended and it was

downstairs at bar and he was like walking up the stairs and this extra was like right on his hip the whole way up talking about this script that he had and ray was being nice and everything and like now looking back i'm like they should have had somebody to be like hey hey hey yeah yeah yeah get a handler this isn't This isn't how this works. You know, he's like, this is my shot. He pulls it out of his sweaty back. Did you hear that Orny Adams story where when Seinfeld was shooting Comedian, the documentary, they were going around to local guys and going, what do you think of Jerry?

And he goes, I think he's a little out of touch. I think he's kind of losing it. His fastball's gone. And Jerry saw that and goes, put him in the movie. He's got the balls. And then he made a movie making him look like shit. Well, you know. That was a twist. I know.

But then there's talk of like, did he do that to fuck him over ultimately? Or, you know, but it's all hearsay. But I thought that was interesting. He's like, he's got balls to be honest. Put him in. Yeah. And that becomes a good part of the movie. Then also, like, that got me like amped up.

If somebody said that about me, I'd be like right i'm gonna i you know you wouldn't be you wouldn't be hurt out of touch that's harsh no you just gotta go all right you know take it and just be like all right this might be the kind of day he had but it might be maybe i am well i hate to tell you bill you're a little out of touch. That's why I'm down here with you young guys. I'm trying to hang on to the younger audience. That's some great advice from Bill about go to the club, see the young guys. Always, always.

The young guys keep you young. If you just fucking make it and start selling tickets and you stop doing the clubs, what ends up happening is you grow old with your audience and you guys just all end up in some sad casino in the middle of nowhere when you're in your 80s. Yeah. I've seen those shows. I've gone to those shows, both singers and comedians. And I still go out because I love the older guys and all that.

But, you know, you see the ones that are still having fun and you see the ones clearly feeling like you know i used to be able to pack a place twice the size you just feel that vibe and it's just like all right you're making us all feel like losers for being here and then uh yeah one of the best shows i saw i saw tony orlando wow no dawn tie tie a yellow ribbon and uh knock three times open Open for Don Rickles. Wow. Dude, they both.

How long ago was this? Oh, my God. I was still drinking. I heckled Don Rickles. What? Shut up. Well, because I knew I wasn't going to meet him. I had to have an interaction.

I was a little drunk. I waited until his encore. He was on there. I just kept going, Donnie! And then he'd do a few more jokes. And then I'd go, Donnie! And then he just say, and then he'd do a few more jokes. And then I'd go, Donnie! And then he just kind of looked out basically where I was sitting.

He goes, yeah, I know my name. It's like, yes! Interaction. I'll take it. Wow. Oh, dude. Are there any young guys you like now? Well, not these two.

Yeah, no, there's a whole bunch of people. As far as their crew these two and joe list um love all of those guys uh bianca cristobal who did um um stephen colbert last night yeah she got the big you know the whole uh you know the first time you do a late night spot i mean that's fucking nerve-wracking huge and those don't mean i know they don't do what they used to do but they still mean a lot to me but it's still nerve-wracking because if you kill no one's gonna see it but if you eat it like everybody's gonna see it epic fail on steven colbert or on on kimmel or whatever so yeah we all know which one you're talking about on kimmel by the way yeah it is what did i bomb on that no no it was but there was one that really

made the rounds on kimmel that oh i wasn't talking about that. Oh, okay. I don't watch it and I don't want to see anybody. No, I didn't want to watch it. I don't like watching that shit. That makes me. I put it on loop. Really? I can't watch that shit.

It's harsh. I could never watch any of my friends on late night TV. I just couldn't. But there was one. There was this one that we used to do, Last Call with Carson Daly. That's a tough one. That was a tough one.

Really? Yeah. Well, Carson was great, but like the crowd, they would just get this crazy mix of people from like Times Square, some who didn't even speak English, and you just went up there and basically bombed. I remember Tom Papa telling me, he goes, I used to like watching that show when my friends

were on and just call them up and just start laughing but it wasn't like malicious from tom because he knew he was right and he was gonna eat it too but it was like the band would always be laughing carson would always be laughing and then you'd be like how was that in cars but it was great it was great but then even if you were killing there was only like 11 people there because it was yeah i remember what russmanve set on there where the jokes were killer and he was just getting nothing. Yeah. He,

he, by the way, Russ Maneve, one of my all time favorite jokes where he says, I have bad luck with women. My last four pregnant girlfriends died in sailing accidents. That's a great joke. Amazing.

He had some killer jokes, but yeah, that set, I remember watching those sets and being like, this looks like a hell gig. And it's televised. I would have thought that because it's loose. It's like almost like a 60s show.

Oh, there was one worse than that. They had this one called Friday Night Videos that I did back in the day with Patrice. And it was basically the crowd was whoever didn't leave the Tonight Show. Whoever they could convince to stay. So it was like going to like a Royals game where there was all these empty seats and shit. And then they would throw like a drop cloth over Jay's desk and then they would hang this thing that said Friday Night Videos.

And oh my God, oh my God, did we bomb on that. Yikes. I did it with Patrice. Patrice went out and they go, and he knew. He knew we wasn't going to do well, so he just sabotaged his set. Remember they said, don't curse. And he came out.

I remember big, stupid Patrice just comes out. He goes, ah, shit. And I was so mad. I was like, ah, why didn't I do that? They're going to show mine. They never aired his. I was joking. He had his back to the audience doing half his

act i said you fucking went like miles davis mode well he was such a he had that move where like if he's gonna bomb he's gonna fuck you too you know he'll make you feel bad also i'm not just gonna be the one feeling dumb you're gonna suffer too i'm putting my back he was in cursing yeah he was a quitter he saw it and he just said i'm not not doing it. My dumb ass was just like, I'm going to make it happen. Yeah, that's how I was. By the way, Kimmel, shout out to Kimmel. He discovered Carson Daly, Adam Carolla, and what's the guy, the sports guy, Bill Simmons. Did he?

That's all Kimmel. Really? Fun fact. Quite a coaching tree. Oh, Jesus. Oh, God. There you go. He's one at every party. Right right here you got to reach those long arms there yeah never did kill i heard it was the worst stand-up kimmel yeah because uh they would take everybody to another room and then you do you perform so everybody's

like what the fuck i remember giraldo said on there that was like great great jokes and just nothing they were really nothing i never saw that one yeah uh and now and now they do it i think in his comedy club in vegas so you're not even on set god you're in vegas i'd rather do it that way in vegas yeah yeah at a club for sure in vegas well because you don't even feel like you're doing the show it's it's just I would rather do it. He's probably helping you out. I don't know. As opposed to just going out there with those people, you know, who just got off the fucking Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Yeah.

And then you go up there with your fucking Hitler joke, and they're just like. And all you ever hear is the band laughing. And you want to be like, the band is laughing. Okay, this is doing, I'm doing well here. Yeah, it's funny how nervous those crowds are. I did a thing on Fallon like two weeks ago, and I threw out a joke, and I remember thinking like, this is going to hit. And it got zero. And it's the worst feeling because you're like, that is on tape, and now Fallon hates me.

My favorite one to ever watch was Andy Kindler. I saw him on this short-lived talk show. I still remember the joke. This was before I even did stand-up, and I was watching that guy. Me and my brothers were all just dying laughing, and he said, this is the joke he did in front of a bunch of tourists. He goes, you know, whenever Barbara Walters interviews Robin Williams, she always says, I was watching watching it and she goes robin

were you always funny and robin said yes and i wanted to be like really well what happened he goes ju manji right staring at him and at one point during the set he goes i choose to plow ahead rather than looking at the burning wreckage of the last joke and nobody he did he first thing that he came out he shit on the whole place saying the ceiling was too high like he was playing some hell room and he was like on tv and i just never seen anybody anybody do that and his jokes were amazing um damn yeah it was just one of those uh one of those things. Yeah, yeah.

I always, you know, you hear about those stories of him going to the comedy store and just leveling. Like they said, the roof would come off. It was energy in the room. And then you heard, ah, he stole half of it. Oh, I think I'm talking about Robin Williams. Oh, sorry, Robin Williams. Yeah, Jesus Christ.

Sorry, I was thinking about Robin. Is this your trash and Kimmel? That's a dangerous podcast. I'm losing gigs right and left over here. I'm a fan. I like Kimmel. That talked about how he discovered people. Yeah, yeah.

Robin Williams, man. That's like, did you know him at all or no? No, I did improv with him one time. Really? What? What is that? Yeah, it was just one of those moments. I was in UCB, like the original one out in LA, that first one before they had the second one.

Franklin. Yeah, the one in Franklin. And I went down there and Jeff Garland had a show. And he would do this thing where he'd give away some stuff from his house. He'd do a little stand-up and bring people out, normal comedy show. And in the end, he had this improv game called the combo platter where three people would sit in a chair. Somebody started a story and then you'd go tag and you just went up there it was fun and uh we were there and robin showed up and in the end he played and i remember he was i was sitting like right here and he was

like he was sitting it was funny like three four inches away from me but his arm hair was still touching my arm i was like i remember all those jokes that he did on live aid about how hairy he was i was like that is iconic arm hair uh needless to say i sucked in the improv game because i was i was like going like i just that was that was you know one of many of those moments where you just like you feel like you get like sucked into your tv like i was i've watched this guy for a decade uh probably longer at that point um it was in i don't even know when it was 2000s damn something like that yeah it was um it was something he was a super nice guy just really uh really like just regular you wouldn't

know that he did all of the stuff that he did he just really just seemed like just still the same guy he's a comic so yeah i just watched that episode of louis that he was on oh it's such a great app where they they're just at the funeral for that they're the only two people there it was i mean he yeah he was so he was so good man he was great on gary uh larry sanders show a long time ago he came on as a guy he just came on as a guest and he got into it with larry and i just remember they went to commercially and Larry was giving him shit about trashing him or something. He goes, whatever. He goes, it's a business. Blow me.

Just the way he said it. You know, you're really thinking like, wow, like, I guess on talk shows, like, the host doesn't always like the guest. It was sort of the first sort of peek into that. Because, you know, when you're at home watching it, you just think like, oh, oh these guys are on tv and they just must hang out and drink and there's groupies and you know back like the whole you know uh um anchorman vibe right the whole time i was growing up like that that's why that that movie had hit so hard with me was it was just like that's yeah that's the way like the news was like dude. Like, dude, local news, like, the fucking names. There was a guy, a newscaster in Boston named Tony Pepper.

That's like a shortstop name. Tony Pepper. Yeah, he was the shit. Chet Curtis, Jack Williams. They had all of those names. And there was always, like, these hot women there. And one of them would end up marrying or banging one of them. Right.

Yeah, there is. Tony Pepper. Look at that guy. He's like a play is. Tony Pepper. Look at that guy. He's like a playboy. Tony Pepper. He absolutely was. Wow. Tony Pepper, I'm sure, did very well.

They had swagger. In the greater Boston area. Yeah. It was Jack Williams. He had Wednesday's Child. He was helping the kids. Nah. Bob Lobel would come in.

Oh, yeah. And he would do the local sports. Bob Neumeier. I remember all of those guys. Dick Albert did the fucking weather yeah there was a guy on new york one and he had like such an ego he used to hang at the cellar all the time he was the film guy like he'd be like i give this one three apples that was his whole thing how many apples and he would just hang at the cellar and i remember really he was so

cocky he like you thought everyone recognized him like he got i recognized him so he immediately was like clearly everyone here knows me. But I'm like, no, I just watched New York One. I remember he kind of walked over to Michael Che like, New York One. And Che was just like, yeah, I have Fios. I don't know who you are. It was like the cruelest shutdown because he expected everyone to know him. Is that him?

No, it's not that dude. Oh, I was about to say. That's Whipple. That guy you recognize. I don't know Whipple. Who was the other guy? Gene something or other. Shallot?

Gene Shallot. Oh, my God. Back in the other guy? Gene something or other. Shallot? Gene Shallot. Oh, my God. Back in the day, film critics were like stars. Celebrities. Two thumbs up. Look at that motherfucker. That guy could take your movie out and there's nothing you could do about it. That's like, what's that movie from the 50s?

Sweet Smell of Success. That's back in the day when they're like, I'll destroy you in my column. And that meant something. Oh, yeah. Big time. last time i remember like uh i remember this guy he somewhere somebody had opened a restaurant i'm gonna deliberately forget the name opened a restaurant here in times square and this guy wrote this review that was just all questions and it was fucking hilarious it was just like uh is there a reason the chicken is gray? Why does the menu look like a fucking DMV test?

Whatever the hell it was. But it was just like, it was the whole, it was like, this guy's experience sucked the whole, I can't remember. You don't need to be trashing these people. Come on. I don't like the names. We all take a hit. We all take a hit. Google take a hit google me there's plenty of people shitting on me i never ate this so you know but it was this guy went like like

literally the review went viral oh it was um how do you do that to somebody though that's so cruel like who's this guy maybe your food that's every tiktok now is just like rating restaurants like there's so many people that make a living just like starting like, we're going to see the best places to eat. There's just dudes in cars like 4.7. Yeah, there's a lot of that. That's someone's life. This burger's better than this burger. Shake, shake.

That is someone's life you're fucking with. Dude, Dave Portnoy from Barstool Sports. He has influence. Like people want him to come to the pizza place and they don't. They're like, if this guy doesn't like our pizza, like we are fucked. Oh yeah.

But he's also- I literally like- yeah i literally like helping i watch your shit i i want like when i go to a certain area i just go i just i dave portnoy pizza i'll be like there you go like new haven or something like you know the pizza capital of the world what's his favorite one there's some place out in jersey this brick oven one yeah that he said this one's the best so it's like i gotta get to that one um because there's been a few that he went to that i loved i'm like here comes a big number and he's still in the sevens i'm like me too i think it was arturo's in the in like the west village i fucking love that place and he trashed it i was like this is a good fucking pizza place wait but it's also good because if he trashes it then you don't have to stand in a long line for that true and any press

is good pro what can pull up the video of him And any press is good. Pull up the video of him. I don't know if any press is good press. I guess not. If he gives you a bad score. Tell that to Harvey. But pull up the video of him. He's doing a pizza shop on First Avenue. He ended up in Rikers.

Yeah. It's Portnoy. And it's the funniest video because he can't even get to the pizza review because all these weirdos in New York keep fucking with him. And it's so, it feels like it's written. written it's so there's so much comedy in it on accident now a portnoy video it's a place on first avenue it started in staten island they moved to a first avenue location so you're gonna say something the only thing better than a root beer float is the unexpected root beer float yeah no idea that was gonna i feel like my birthday i don't even taste

the booze by the way yeah i'd like 20 more but i'm not going to i. I feel like it was my birthday. I don't even taste the booze, by the way. I'd like 20 more, but I'm not going to. I can't. No one wants to see a fat, bald ginger. I've learned that the hard way. Wait. I think you've got the bourbon one. Shit.

Huh? I think you've got the one with bourbon in it on accident. No, that's not true. Bill, we talk about something you say. It doesn't count if it's by accident. We talk about something you say. I don't know if you said in an interview or something, but we talk about it in this pod all all the time is that you talk about killing an obscurity yeah and those like weird cities like that was me and uh giraldo that's what we

used to do because every place i was doing uh he was either was just there or was coming there the next week and um you know we were getting the same reviews from everybody that we were playing you know performing in the middle of nowhere they were the funniest guys you know that ever ever played here and the first five six times you hear that you're like all right okay things are gonna happen and then like eight years of your career goes by it's like i still remember that time when i was i was at you know i'd done a third show and i was just sitting there this is back when you could still smoke in the clubs and literally my eyes are burning. Everything about me just reeks of smoke like I just fought a fire.

And I was just sitting there watching the waitstaff counting up the money and stuff. And, you know, I'd gone there for years and I kind of knew everybody. I was just looking at everybody was a little older. Everyone was a little fatter. And I was just all of a sudden I just got my head going like, oh i'm the guy i'm not gonna make it i was just like i was going i don't know how much longer i can do this right and i forget what i had to do something the next day but it was like terrifying like i went back to the comedy condo just laying there going like no it's not gonna happen i just gotta stay positive just keep writing jokes and it's eventually you just keep

doing a good job i have to let you in somewhere in a weird way that probably made you better though like if you i think if you think i'll never make it it kind of lets you not give a fuck and then you can get really loose and weird and try shit that's definitely you have to try to make it with what you want to do because then you won't have any regrets like wow this is what i do this is how i do it and people didn't respond so fuck it but if you're actually trying to be what you think that they want or some bad advice you get from a manager in asia you know like did your managers say that they said that to you like be something else um did i ever have that no i'm kind of blaming them i think a lot of it was me i would just look around and be like all right everybody's you know there was this weird i always talk about this is

this weird time in the business for about 18 months where comedians and agents both dressed the same at the laugh factory and it was like these black polyester fucking like slacks with like a tucked in electric blue button down like that was the fucking look and i was just like all right i have blue eyes this could bring out my eyes maybe maybe this will be something that they like and it was just always like uh he wore that on letterman once i don't remember that was a long time ago but i was just i just remember i would always get the same thing he's funny he just has a weird look it's like i know redheads aren't the lead oh fuck yourself i know what you're saying so like there was comedy yeah so it was kind of that uh

and then like i don't know and somewhere i was just like all right this is this is not you know when you put on the monkey suit you still don't get the fucking pat on the head you're like all right i hate myself at a whole new level and i'm not doing this again so then that's why i started going up like just sort of being who i was. And another 15 years went by and then here I am. Well, that's how it goes. But at least in our day, we can go kill and put it on YouTube. Back then, you were living and dying by that gatekeeper. Yeah, and I remember when like your generation, you know, I don't know if it was yours. What generation is Bo Burnham?

Is he before you? I think he's younger. He's like 30. He's younger than us. I feel like he popped way before us yeah but i remember when he came out like his first gig he like totally sold out the comedy connection six shows and there was all these older comics going oh this is he didn't play his dues or anything i'm just sitting there going like yeah but he didn't have to do like you know this is kind of genius right and then now like you look at what he's doing i mean that guy's one of the like that he's talented gerard karmack the way that was shot oh my god

i fucking loved that special i really loved that special the second one and then chris rock saw it and goes do tambourine which is the ultimate compliment huh what do you guys think about his quarantine special i thought it was great super impressive. Yeah, it was cool. No, it was great. Insanely hard. He edits it. He shoots it. He lights it. He writes it.

It's anti-exit. He's like a triple-double guy in basketball. He does, like, everything. Yeah. And music. He's got it all. And he's 6'8". And he's dreamy. He's got a full head of hair.

Yeah, there's nothing stopping him. Oh, yeah. i remember some of you earlier like the bits i was like oh shit bill is so kind of different like the muffin bit where you're just punching the muffins in front of the woman's face i remember that story dude i was on the upper west side when i still remember that we went we went there and i was fucking dying laughing my girlfriend is now my wife the lovely nia was just going like what do you it was one of those things i was laughing so hard that she had no idea what i was laughing she was laughing on how hard i was laughing and i was trying to explain it to her and she's just like you know what if i just started punching him up and she's like why would you why would you think that well that that bit and then the bit about uh when malice in the palace and you kind of you defended the players like the way

you said were like athletes and still do yeah and still do like that was one of the that was like some of the greatest like that was like a great revenge flick like a movie right like the fact that that guy threw a beer on another man that size he never would have done that in a bar the only tragedy was he grabbed the wrong guy yeah which was the comedy of it right you know it was it was like but now they're friends really yeah oh the day they run our test documentary they like they're buddies yeah i met that guy a couple of times he like you just don't you don't even understand how big a human being those basketball players are. And, like, you know, and you watch, like, and all of a sudden you meet him.

And then, like, the next night you're watching a game and you watch him try to take a charge and go flying across the floor. It's like there's another human being. I'm saying, you know, it didn't flop. Like, he just stood there for the charge and just goes flying. It's just like. If you rewatch that, there's a guy in the movie or whatever, the documentary, where he's, like, squaring up this little guy. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, who the fuck is this guy? This guy should have his own dock.

The ball's on that guy. He's on the floor. Like, let's go. And it gets broken up. A little bit of a reach. Yeah, to Jermaine O'Neal. Jermaine O'Neal. Yeah.

Big dude. Yeah, exactly. Seven feet. He's lucky he threw that big, long. I mean, that's one of those guys. I remember this guy. I worked in a warehouse, and this guy, six foot six, punched me in the head. And I just so didn't think I was in his wheelhouse.

And I kind of hopped back, and it just kept coming. He fucking clocked me in the back of the head. And I just saw these stars, and I just been thinking like, God damn, this guy's a big fucking dude. Why'd he hit you? Oh, here we go. Because I was mouthing off to him i totally deserved it yeah oh shit yeah ben wallace that's you're talking about bigger dudes like ron artest pushes ben wallace and then he's like yeah ben wallace is bigger than ron artest wow yeah ben wallace ben wallace makes you go to the gym like i gotta do something. I can't have a guy walking around looking like that and I'm doing this. Jesus.

It's hard to stay in shape doing this job. Of course. You're just always flying and shit. You're just always kind of out of it, you know? Yeah, and then you're sad. Yeah. You just order bad food. Yeah.

Yeah. And working out would actually make us feel better, but eh. You just got to get down there. I was going to do what I did and I took the red eye last night so i was just like oh the red eye then i had a bad coffee at a place where that's all they do and i was just like yeah you gotta get a food review on that coffee place i'm not doing that maybe i got a bad thing but they were like it's like an italian you know it's like the coffee i got in italy which i never i just started drinking coffee this year what you never drank coffee no i just never, I just started drinking coffee this year.

What? You never drank coffee? No, I just never. How do you do morning radio and stuff? And hangovers. German-Irish plow through it. Damn. Wow. I started 33 with coffee, which was already late.

But I can't believe you just started. What are you, 61? No, I'm not quite 54. I might as well be.'ll be 61 i should have gone higher for the comedic effect i was too close sorry oh i just realized nobody laughed they're like are you yeah i've been doing this probably longer than you've been alive um damn well here i sit with the root beer float i think about that chapelle line twice a week where he goes what you're doing is going to take longer but when it hits it hits

because as a comic you know just kind of struggling day to day he said that to you when you were on yeah i saw i'm like fucking like five years older than him but he started at 14 yeah so i still look at him like a big brother and then every once in a while like you know i'll see something that'll say his age and i'm like that's right he's younger than i am yeah but like as far as comedy years you know i mean he started like uh god he started he was like 14 yeah 14 like 86 or something so it's like he's been a comic more than he's been like a human that's true crazy yeah i've i've done i'm past that too i've been doing it 30 years i'm 54 so first 23 and a half years of my life i wasn't now yeah damn do you the racial draft is one of my favorites that must have been fun as hell to

shoot that yeah because it was one of those things where you're showing up and it's there's not that pressure because it's already written and then you sort of open it up with like improv and like that little handshake that we did we came up with that me and the other actor's name escapes me right now came up with that and i was so excited when that killed uh big thighs no felonies. Never got a laugh, but I had so many people come up and quote it. That's the only thing nice about YouTube comments is when you have a line in your act that never really hits, but you like it. And then YouTube, they'll be like, don't quote that line. I'm like, I needed that.

That was nice. Yeah. Somebody noticed. Yeah. But sorry, I cut off your Chappelle story. It was boring. All right. Well, the main things were right. What was it like doing? yeah somebody noticed yep but sir i cut off your chapelle story it was boring all right well what was it like doing uh i'm sure you've been asked this a million times but i've never heard

the breaking bad stuff that must have been awesome yeah oh yeah yeah if you've noticed my career i haven't really done anything other than parrot troop into other people's genius smart a couple sketches on chapelle a couple episodes of breaking bad uh i know i got a couple others in the other mandalorian yeah just like everybody's just like hey and you've never seen star wars right no no i saw it i saw but one time i saw it i just i was too i liked empire that's the first one i saw i liked it and then i saw the first one i thought it was like kind of boring in the beginning when they were in the desert i was like oh my god somebody shoot somebody right and then uh and then and then the last one you know it was like for by the time like the last one came out i mean i was like 16 or

17 so like you know like ewoks and i liked when they were going through the force with like the i was i was as far as like sci-fi i liked you like uh escape from new york yeah blade runner yeah i like the i believe they say dystopian tale there you go the dark stuff what's the one with clive owen from a few years ago children of men that was fucking cool great i like i like watching uh yeah shit like that and yeah that was a good one that's a good one that's a great korean guy yeah guy did parasite i got a good french one you should see uh a prophet which came out in 2009 it's all in french it's fucking amazing wreck all right it's fucking amazing there's a new blade runner blade runner 2049 no the one the one that uh uh ryan gosling did it yeah i loved it i didn't see it yeah yeah i know i love

all the originals amazing yeah that movie really is the thriller yeah that's a uh well he's going to prison it's not a comedy midnight run um yeah it's uh yeah amazing amazing amazing movie all right what are your favorite movies um probably the same stuff that you guys like i i like you know i don't mind like absurd shit i i do really like a lot of absurd stuff and silly stuff um that like like all like that adam mckay stuff before he started making these oscar movies like a lot of that stuff like i just fucking love it and uh is that will farrell you talk yeah all the will farrell uh john c ryle i mean the two of them oh my god and ricky bobby talladega like just the outtakes like how funny and how fast those guys are with sasha

baron cohen too yeah steve carell like a 40 year old virgin that that scene that um kevin hart has in that movie yeah is this your boy is this your boy like yeah kevin fucking in the store yeah he's so funny yeah about that yeah it was like that whole i watched that the other day and uh yeah i don't know i i like uh yeah i i do like shit that's sort of, but I definitely, my favorite stuff is stuff that's like, like tethered to reality. Like I love some,

like, you know, one of my favorite comedies that came out a few years ago was the nice guys. Oh yeah. I love that movie. With Ryan Gosling and, um, um,

Russell Crowe. Russell Crowe. Fucking great movie. Dude, Russell Crowe's fucking amazing in that. So good. Ryan Gosling's hilarious when he breaks his arm, that high pitchedpitched scream he

does it's funny every time and then the guy always forget his name the guy playing the bad guy so creepy John Boy or whatever yeah the choices he makes yeah that line if you

don't tell me what I want I'm gonna start cutting off your fingers he like laughs and if you don't tell us he goes we're gonna start cutting off your fingers he like gets

into it just like oh my god this guy's a lunatic that's such an underrated movie man it is it is and it's one of those ones that somehow came and went but that is like a that's a like if you're on the road yeah you know back in the day when you bring your dvds out with the attachment and your fucking 30 pound uh laptop you bring that one yeah yeah i i completely agree with the reality you need something based in reality like i tried to watch dune and i know people love it and all that i just couldn't do it i i turned it off yeah when it gets too far into

the future that i that i don't get uh i like the ones where it's the future it's on earth and there's shit left over from when i was alive right and i think that that's you know they go into an old subway station or something like i like that type of shit we're gonna get torn apart in the comments for shitting on dune by the way those fucking people i'm just i'm not saying it's bad it's like doing a mad max one no it's uh similar kind of yeah it's like futuristic mad max was that max i like speaking of yeah things left over from the real world the first two mad maxes that was just oh thunderdome yeah there's just them driving through like the australian outback yeah yeah i like water and rat rods the original rat rods yeah tina turner's in

that yeah you need that comfort wash on the road i've been watching like veep on the road i just need something silly as hell on the road to just i've been watching that uh i think it's called the uh the bear or something like that oh i just finished it oh yeah i'm only two episodes in but like it's so well shot yeah i know a couple people that work in that they go is there really screaming like that they're like yeah like i know this chef she worked uh with some guy here in New York that was rated the worst person to work for. Oh, wow. Whatever she brings up that she works with him,

like almost other chefs are like, oh, I'm sorry. It's not like that here. Wow. It's just like she was saying that she's a woman. That guy would come up and like step on her feet when she was fucking stuff up. It's just like I had football coaches like that in third grade. Yeah. They'd come and they'd fucking kick you in the side of your leg because you couldn't hold your little third fucking stuff up. It's just like, I had football coaches like that in third grade. Yeah. They come and they fucking kick you in the side of your leg

because you couldn't hold your little third grade legs up. That's basically what Gordon Ramsay is. He's just a football coach yelling at you. I worked as a waiter for 10 years. Oh, did you ever see that time that guy snapped? No. Because he used to sit there yelling at those guys as he's firing them, and they're literally like wrapping up all their fucking steak knives and shit.

It's like, dude, you might want to be on the other side of the counter. And at one point, this fucking, I think it was a New York dude. He's like dude you might want to be on the other side of the counter and at one point this fucking i think it was a new york dude he's like you don't know me motherfucker he said flip out and i was like yeah there you go somebody with some self-esteem he's kicking you off you might as well go out with a spark all right it's on tv yourself what's that guy the bar rescue guy the big guy john taffer taffer and somebody went off on him once at like a harlem restaurant and i was like all right it's about time and even he was like okay let's uh let's change scenes let's move it along here dude is entertaining though so yeah he is i love that guy i love the way he cooks and all that shit but it's just like there is something funny when somebody thinks they're in this fame yeah force field and that someone's not gonna step through it just be like

this is invisible you're a person and i will fuck through it and just be like, this is invisible. You're a person and I will fuck you up. And it's like, oh, that's right. I haven't been a person for a while. Yes. I've just been sort of shuttled to and from the gig and over to the airport. Yeah. That's why the Mike Tyson punch on the plane was so fun.

You're like, yeah, yeah. What do you think was going to happen? You fuck with this. It's Mike Tyson. Murder. Yeah. He'll kill you. Yeah. That was pretty cool.

That was awesome. How desperate was that? And he just, he wanted to get hit so he could do the whole fucking thing with the guy filming it and shit and like... It's really weird. I know, you'll take a punch from Mike Tyson for the clicks. That's a bummer. He still looks terrifying. Oh, yeah, come on.

I know, but he's in shape. Some of those boxers... Yeah, look at that. Oh, that's a... I didn't know it was that many. know but he's in shape some of those boxers yeah look oh that's like i don't know is that many oh he's going oh that was all rights jesus christ look at this fucking idiot oh my god first class if i was the captain of that plane i would throw that kid out the fucking oh yeah geez we have the same rough. How did he get hit on the left, on the right side? I think it's probably like this. Oh, yeah.

Shit. That's a claim to fame. Like, can that get you laid? Can you go to a bar and go, you know, I'm the Mike Tyson guy? I bet it can. I'm the guy who got the shit kicked out of him? There's a lot of dumb ladies out there. Just so you know, it's been proven I can't defend you if there's an intruder coming in.

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Yeah, that's what's fun about like – Well, he threw no punches. No. That's the thing so like you know i don't know i don't know yeah i think that you should be able to do that just in life and there should be no lawsuit and like the judge just be like well what did you think was going to happen stop wasting my time i'm fining you 75 for wasting this court's time get the fuck out of here and go learn how to fight or shut the fuck up next that's a

better society that way i think i think it kind of regulates itself but yeah like hockey there you go the hockey number one sport boss i feel like boston people love hockey dude i love them all yeah i love like he talks about baseball a lot yeah yeah yeah i've been watching the red socks and i you know what's weird is i actually enjoy a struggling season more so than them. You know, it's fun to watch when they win, but I just love watching like a manager trying to plug the holes. Like, dude, we just – I heard entire fucking starting rotations out. Devers was out.

Kike Hernandez. Everybody was out. Like, I was watching the other night. I was watching them. They were playing the Astros. And they were just kind of – I was going like, there's like five – who the fuck are these? Who's playing second

where's Trevor story right what happened to him like you just like this year with the socks it was like if you miss like three games you come back you don't even recognize the team it's that's just like the Worcester Red Sox was it nerve-wracking being I say do a little commentating you killed that was awesome no no it was it was uh it it's fun you know it's fun and it's like surreal and uh no i would like i'll tell you if i had to announce any sport uh there's definitely periods where i pick different sports but just generally speaking if i can't pick the era i would definitely do baseball because i just think there's just something like so much fun about like you know like when there's like a

rain delay and those guys just have to like you know if you get like a guy that's lived life like hawk harrelson and uh you know uh r.i.p vince scully man just yeah yeah i know vince skelly legend yeah and he said the most painful fucking thing I ever heard, and thank God it was him, you know? A little roll of the Buckner. And it's just like, behind the bag, it is. Or it was a night or whatever, and the Mets win it. The greatest thing was when the Sox finally won in 04. Like, I can watch that and just, I can be amazed at how, like, they asked Clemens one time,

what's the most amazing thing you ever saw? He's like, us losing the 86 World Series. I mean, dude, we were literally down to the last strike and we let up like nine singles in a row. It was just fucking, it was bananas. And a lot of people forget we went up 3 nine singles in a row. It was just fucking, it was bananas. And a lot of people forget, we went up 3-0 in game seven. And I still had hope because I was a young Red Sox fan. And I missed the Bucky Dent thing. I was watching them that year, but I didn't watch.

I just remember asking my mother, I go, did we win? And she just went, just a broken look. And it took her like another 12 years to fully give herself into loving them again wow no dude that was a um that was you know and that's back when you could like really just like there was like great sports like when the yankees went up we played a five game series and they came up and they won all five in a row and they called it the Boston Massacre. Like you could never, you know, isn't that, you know, make it light of actual match. Like I remember that wide receiver, yeah, it's going to be

a war this Sunday. People are like, oh, there's actually people fighting real wars. I understand that. Let them get amped up. Yeah. Two things can exist. Yeah, exactly. I wasn't even mad when the I'm a Yankees fan, but I wasn't mad when the Red Sox won. That's what all you Yankee fans said because you didn't want to take the shit.

Oh, I'm happy for you guys. You all fucking went underground. Took your Yankee cap off slowly. I could not find a Yankee fan in 04. 03, they were all over the place. Hey, fucking whatever that guy's name is. Who? Because it didn't stick.

Aaron Boone. Oh, that was amazing. Because everybody thinks that one hurt. It's like it didn't. It didn't have time to marinate like a fine wine. Now walk off with that ass. He did it. And then it was just in the very next year, you know, we hung the biggest choke fucking ever.

It's the biggest choke in sports history. Just because it's like a $200 million team with so many future Hall of Famers. And that's also why I don't get mad at what the Astros did. Because what the Red Sox and Yankees we were fielding 180 million $200 roided up free agent teams And we were just winning these championships Like I never even want when we played the fucking

Colorado Rockies in 2007 I think we swept them I didn't even watch it I was like this is stupid like we've literally Become like we can't call them The evil empire anymore it's just like You know it's like dad you're a drug it's like dad you're a drug addict and then like two days later you're fucking doing you need to get your shit together you know but baseball was never better than in the 90s when

it when mcguire and sosa were just oh that was it and it was fucking amazing and bonds i mean when when you knew bonds was gonna hit a there's gonna be a dude in a kayak chasing a home run ball every day. Dude, that was awesome. I went to see McGuire that year down in Qualcomm Stadium. It was Cardinals versus the Padres. And me and this other comedian, Dan Smith, went down, and he hit number 28 at the end of May, right? But Aaron Judge is kind of on that pace.

So I remember everybody came out for like the place was like three quarters full for batting practice and he came up and the whole place was like and he got up there like just fucking v yeah and it was so funny everyone was going nuts and the first pitch came in he laid down a bunt everybody goes oh and dude people were hitting home runs but when he started hitting them, like other people were hitting home runs, you were trying to catch them. He was hitting these fucking lasers. He's like,

I don't want to touch that. I'm going to let that go off three people. And then when it hits the ground, I'll try to beat an eight year old up for the fucking thing. They need to let them in the hall of fame. They need a little, because at a certain point, it's like they're in anyway.

My buddy said, he's not in this business, but he kind of said it. He said, steroids saved baseball. Interesting. Because the only thing that was going on that was positive after that strike in 04, when they fucked over the Expos and they canceled the World Series, was Cal Ripken beating Lou Gehrig's record.

And then after that, it was nothing. And then it was just like, dude, that was the only year I can remember, probably since the 1930s or 40s, when people just listened to the fucking radio yeah right like people paid attention to the dog days of summer like the way like when him and then sosa came out of nowhere in like june or july and it was like oh it was great it's then he got the whole racial thing like who you rooting for exactly who you're rooting for i'm like i'm rooting for the big redhead can i do that he looks like me have you seen have you seen drugs have you seen the sosa doc no it's fucking brutal i've never had it well i think it's jeremy schaap is uh interviewing him and

like sosa's white now he like bleached it looks he looks yeah it looks weird like vitiligo yeah yeah oh shit yeah and uh and he's like you you lied you're on steroids he's like i don't know what you're it's like 60 minutes of him being like i don't know what you're talking about you know he won't admit it whoa anyway blue eyes yeah whoa yeah dude yeah dude the world's a fucked up place world's a fucked up place christ yeah i hope he's happy you know i'm sure he is hey god bless him yeah great player yeah i mean he was i mean but that's the thing like these guys are hall of I hope he's happy, you know? I'm sure he is. God bless him. Yeah. Great player. I mean, he was, I mean, but that's the thing. Like, these guys are Hall of Famers without that shit.

So it's, you know. No, I think, I always thought Barry Bonds was a victim of the steroid era because he was the guy. And then everybody else started taking roids and they passed him. He's like, all right, here's me on roids. Here's 73. Yeah. And everybody's like, oh, what the fuck? Your head is huge. But they all, you know what?

Fuck baseball is they wouldn't let like basketball and football was they were posting shit on like instagram youtube all that shit baseball was so anal about sharing anything so you couldn't get new fans i don't think that's that fuck baseball too on top of the no more also like bird magic dr j yeah save the nba and then it just became like it just so naturally happened that the the uh the celtics and and the lakers just like with red aura back and was it jerry bus back then who was the guy that was just like i mean just every move he made jerry west jerry was it who was jerry was the owner west was the gm so west what the moves that those guys made and the players that they got and we you know what it was the worstm so west what the moves that those guys made and the and the players that they got

yeah and we you know what it was the worst thing for basketball and it's the big what if is if len bias didn't die i know and that was a guy that like would go head to head with jordan in those uh those acc games big east acc games uh maryland was he in the wait was maryland in the acc back then i can't remember what they would play each other it was just fucking unreal and all all the celtics fans we were all psyched it was like oh my god finally a celtic who can dunk you know it's like finally somebody's gonna be above the rim we had you know you know we had chief and chief would just fucking the one leg up and fucking would throw it down like that's what we had and um it's just like if that guy came in in 87 after we had that and if Larry Bird didn't blacktop his own fucking driveway.

What? That's how we fucked up his back. He couldn't hire help? What? I didn't know that. No, no. He was funny that way. Like he'd be in the Olympic Village for the Olympics and he left going, I'm going to pay him fucking $9 for a beer.

And like six foot nine would just walk out of the village. Yeah, how you doing? How you doing? He's going to some dive. So there's a way like you respect it. But just as a fan, like it's just like he got old overnight. And then. Kale got old overnight too with the injuries, you know.

Yeah. And what could have been. And I'm not saying we would have beat the lakers in 87 but if we had uh len bias just what the lakers would have had to have done and they're just old school guys like what i love is uh michael cooper does the local sports out there and his hatred for the celtics i love it he fucking hate it's not this thing now where everybody hangs out and his friends and it's just like well i can't beat you what if i join your team next year right, it's not this thing now where everybody hangs out and is friends and it's just like, well, I can't beat you. What if I join your team next year?

Right. And it's like a foregone conclusion, some of these things, or you at least know who's going to be in the finals. Like all those fucking Pistons that I hated. I love that they all stuck together. Like I fucking hated Bill Lambert. I love the guy now. I had him as a guest on a sports show back in the day that he was on and he uh first off we had such a small budget we had to trick him into staying for a

second episode so we just switched people out without telling him so we stayed for like an extra hour and was furious and then at one point i asked him like do you talk the bird ever like if you see him he's cool he's like no we'll never be cool that'd be funny if you try to leave and you're boxing him i like you know what he said that he had the best response to the Pistons walking off and not, you know, not shaking hands when the Bulls ended. He goes, do you go back and look and regret that? He's like, no, those guys, when we were winning it, said we weren't real champions. He goes, fuck them. That's the best excuse i've heard for that but i remember him as much as he did all that cheap

shit that fucking shot from the top of the key he hit it every fucking time and he was like 6 11 a lot of big guys didn't have a shot from that far out yeah because he was underneath banging back when you could do that in that fucking safe space that they have underneath so now everybody dunks and there's nobody there half the people are getting out of the fucking way because they don't want to be on Instagram. It was like back in the day, you had to be a fucking man. You had to go into the trees

and these guys would like, the Lakers would, I mean, the Pistons had a thing one night they were just like, yeah, no layups tonight. And they just sent the message in the first quarter.

Like, I don't give a fuck if I foul out. You're not going to play for the rest of the season. It's like, all right, guys, let's try to work the perimeter. Another good nickname, Andrew Toney

was known as the Boston Strangler. Wow. Before the three-point line and he came out, he had the low-cut Dr. J converse and he would go out there

and when he got hot, dude, that guy was fucking unconscious and like to this day, I guess Danny Ainge, I mean, people are playing against Jordan. He goes,

yeah, Jordan, you know, Andrew T you andrew tony he keeps he still tells story fucking white danny ange can't even touch the guy and even when he was in his face he would just like it was just it was like uh it was like jeter when jeter when it was a big moment you know playing the red sox like all red sox fans it wasn't you were just like what's he gonna do is it gonna be a single a double is he gonna jump on the first pitch and pull it and hit a fuck you just knew he was gonna deliver and uh i got a buddy of mine a yankee fan and he was in like he sent me the uh the doc thinking it was gonna bug me you know that this whole five parts i'm like i'm fucking i can't wait to watch that i go every, every Red Sox fan, low key, fucking love that.

There's no, you couldn't hate, like, there's just a level of greatness where it transcends your rivaling. Just like, as much as this guy is killing us, like, I am going to be talking about this guy when I'm 80. And plus, I love those ones where an athlete like him or Jordan is in control of the doc.

And then like the sports writers all whine and go like well this is just like uh you know a fluffy it's just like dude you've been telling his story for fucking 25 i would love to hear his version right you know i loved hearing what what jordan looking back thought of the whole thing i don't hear some fucking out of shape sports writer and his perception and his little soliloquies and metaphors. I loved you shouldn't on Stephen A. Smith. There was a clip of you.

I like Stephen A. Smith. I know, but the clip is hilarious. I like him too, but when you're making fun of him for, he posted a boxing clip where he's clearly can't box. That was not good for business.

It's your whole job. The only guy that throws a worse punch than that is me. I would never, never post like that would end my is me. I would never, never post. That would end my comedy career. But that was, yeah. Dude, Stephen A is like, he's like pro wrestling on the mic. I love him too.

Dude, that guy is literally the only pulse left, I feel like, on that channel. Yeah. They let everyone go. I know. know as far as they let everyone go i know it they still have some of the the uh the old guys uh that that do shows on there that i that i i do like but like i don't know espn kind of went the way of like mtv when mtv stopped showing like music and stuff they kind of lost their way to like um i think a lot of ways all sports did with just allowing everybody to pile on the same teams except like the n NFL is good.

NHL is good too. But like basketball and baseball, I just wish they would just get – they'd find that happy medium between the owners and players having power. And you could just sort of go back to like just like these guys are Royals. These guys are Yankees. Like those Royals-Yankees series in series in late 70s early 80s were fucking great and uh but i think because so many regular fans now play fantasy and they're always grabbing players and shit that's just the new mindset so i always come off as this old guy like hey they're back in the day this is how like fucking empty my life is i actually i was watching uh i shouldn't say this for lacrosse fans, but I never watched lacrosse.

I actually sat down and watched. I was like, this is a great fucking sport. Yeah. It's tough. Yeah, it is. It's a tough game. I said, goalie, how do you stop that fucking thing? Yeah, right.

You get that stupid fly swatter. Yeah. You want to see pure hatred, read the comments anytime ESPN on instagram posts like a women's basketball clip that is like the most hateful people that's like that's like a step below isis right you know what i mean yeah oh that was a good catch yeah all right you guys ever watch the little league world series i love that shit love that did you see that fat kid he goes my name's so-and-so my favorite play is this and i hit dingers i've never seen this like i fucking love this kid you gotta love a fat kid with swagger yeah come on i also love a sloppy baseball player yeah like a sloppy pitcher just some guy david wells was our guy yeah i was just

talking to hersey about all of that all the sloppy pitchers when i was growing up and you knew they had like all the condiments and shit. Something here doing this, touching here. Like I loved when that guy in the Yankees had that shit there. And I actually heard that players don't mind that because they have more control of the ball. And it's like, you know, I'd rather have this guy throwing strikes than hit me in the fucking head. Oh, there he is. That's the kid.

Oh, this kid's adorable. Hi, my name is alfred i had dingers i mean he's either going to the mlb or uh fucking worldwide wrestling federation it's like the sandlot remember that the redheaded kid in the sandlot stole the whole movie yeah i just re-watched that on a plane baseball movies for some reason are like the best sports oh the best bull durham they had a run too rookie of the year angels in the outfield it was like 10 of them yeah also because also it it it kind of toes the line of like the pamphlet for this country you know what

i mean it's for hey everybody can fucking make it then it kind of ignores all the fucking ugliness of it it's just kind of it's sort of the santa claus version of uh of like america it's like yeah that does exist but there's this other shit here so it's very they're very patriotic yes type of thing uh david tell's joke little little league world series or as i call it, the Pedophile Super Bowl. Something like that. He's still the fucking greatest. Still the best.

I think he gets a quote in here like every week. There's always an Attell line. He's the best. Yeah, he still was. He invented that, or as I call it, the Stingray, or as I call it, the Puerto Rican of the Sea. Because he stabbed Steve Irwin. That was his Steve Irwin joke. That's hilarious.

Didn't you do something for the troops with a tail? I probably did a long time ago. I just remember anytime I think I'm getting good, I watch him and I'm like, all right, I have work to do. The best. Yeah, he's the fucking- It's so pure, you know? It just just every joke is just fucking perfect and uh yeah i remember when i uh when i first came to new york in like

94 95 and uh greg fitzsimmons was breaking down the city like how to get in at the clubs and he was really greg fitzsimmons really helped me out and he was saying uh and then as far as like the stand-up down here he goes basically every white comic wants to be a tell every black comic wants to be chapelle that's that's all you need to know like those were like the two the two guys but like you know there was all those other guys that were also uh also killing it you know you had a crazy crazy class i might be off but it's like all the tough crowd and norton obviously and then even like like todd berry mark maron oh yeah yeah i loved all of those guys still love all of those guys and like there was just so many uh you know great comics and it was

just like i don't know the world was a lot smaller than if that makes any sense where it's just like you were just sort of doing it and there wasn't all of this uh i gotta build a brand right i need to film this and what you know you want to shoot this on an iphone and all that you just kind of uh you know you're just trying to get funny and then there was like every once in a while there was just these industry showcases and you know you'd go up there and you know fucking do fucking do your 10 minutes. That was everything. Yeah. And the manager's like, dude, we're clean. We're clean. Let them see the sitcom. Let them see the sitcom.

And you'd kind of buy into that. And then you'd watch a tell go up. And you'd just be like, I'm a fucking pussy. What am I doing here? And then the sad part is a tell sitting off in the wings going, I'm a fucking hack. Nobody's happy. I love when he calls you up and goes, is anybody doing a bit like that? Nobody's doing a bit like he checks out his jokes right right i remember i was in a car with him

once he did a joke about like uh like vagina uh snoring and he like text tom papa to see if he has a bit i'm like tom definitely doesn't have that bit that's a dude who definitely doesn't have that one women like vibrators because it sounds like they're listening. Sorry, I got you off. No, he's Fitzsimmons. Oh, we love Greg. So he came right before you from Boston? Yeah, he was, as far as in Boston, there was that group of comics was, there was Rogan, Greg Fitzsimmons.

Dane? No, Dane was, D actually started like right out of high school so he started in 90 i thought he started in 91 but like dane was more my generation and uh uh who else was up there like jim laletta paulo todd parker fucking uh robbie prince all of that those are like you know all of that crew and then after that it was uh i came up with like bobby dane patrice um gary gulman came like right after that orny and uh no we there was a great that's a crazy class yeah it was great and then when we when we moved and then like and then jersey had like florentine and and uh norton and that. And then we all just sort of came into New York at the same time.

And yeah. And then all of that, all of that shit happened. Yeah. The Patrice doc has little snippets. Thank God somebody was rolling a camera back then. There's a scene where you guys are all hanging on the sidewalk. And then Rich Voss walks up and goes, what is this? A couple of middles, zero laugh, the sidewalk. And then Rich Voss walks up and goes, what is this, a couple of middles?

Zero laugh, a pause, and then everybody laughed at him. How bad that bombed. And I was like, oh, that's such a great little moment that I don't feel like we have anymore. We were fucking brutal, Tito. It was so stupid. When I look back now, I mean, it's funny, but it was so stupid. We didn't write one script, one sketch. All we did was try to destroy each other's confidence

it was just such like yeah it was like a bunch of abused like rescue dogs all put in the same with like one pork chop there it was just fucking yeah dude i used to fucking have anxiety going on in the cellar and i was just thinking of everybody i would think like three fucking insults for every just to kind of get i was like okay if it comes at me i'm gonna get it off me and i'll send it this way and you know but what if bobby's not there bobby's not there i can't you know and you couldn't look at the lineup right you can't so you had no idea it was going to be down there and then the words when you say one and they're like you prepared that i did i thought i was gonna be smarter we missed that we really missed out out on that. I guess when I first got in, yeah, I remember Colin Quinn and Keith, like, beating up on me when I was, like, brand new.

And I was like, this is amazing. This is it, you know. But, yeah, my first. And somehow it became, like, toxic. I know. This is bad. And then, like, you go in there now and it's just, like, I don't know what it is. Yeah.

It's not. I mean, I'm not going to romanticize. Like, it was all. Because I was comics going to me, like, why do you sit down? Just go down and do your spot. And if I was a healthier person, I would have been like, this isn't working for me. I'm not enjoying this. I'd like to come down here and feel good about myself, not feel worse.

Oh, my God. The amount of shirts I could never wear again. It was just like, I remember i could never wear again it was just like uh i remember once i think it was keith keith was getting so trashed for what he had on he just stood up in the middle of the pounding and just ran out and i remember you can't fucking you can do that i didn't know you could leave i thought you'd just sit here until it was over damn i saw ted do that once he sat down everybody made fun of his sweater, and he just got up and sat at the booth and had dinner. And I was like, damn, that guy's healthy. Yes. He's like, this is not working for me. I'm leaving this. He broke up with us. Right. Got out of the relationship. know these guys and keith goes look at him look how scared he is and i was like holy everyone's laughing at me i'm like this is my audition this is crazy and he was right i was terrified keith was really mean so funny but he was good at it i know i'm fucking around he really was

good at it i mean he really that mean laugh oh yeah he just enjoyed crushing you yeah i've said this before but my first night there my first real paid spot he was hosting and he brought me up and he goes ladies and gentlemen in for a treat and i was in the wings like oh shit here we go and he goes jerry seinfeld the crowd goes ape shit he goes i'm kidding it's it's some guy i brought me on and i bombed good times i went up one time down there and it was like, it was just this night everybody showed up. It was like Jerry Seinfeld, Ray Romano, Chris Rock, and then Dave Chappelle. Jesus.

And I just kept getting bumped. And then it was like me. And the crowd was so spoiled by the time they were doing the intro. People were just looking past me going like, who is it? Is Eddie Murphy coming out? Right. Please welcome Bill Burr. I do feel like if you go after them and you try really hard, I think they like it.

It depends. No, you just address it. You just address the disappointment. I just went on stage and I'm like, that's right, motherfuckers. This is what you paid for. Welcome back to reality. Yeah. I remember finally,

I think it was Rock, Chappelle, and then me. Once they're done going, like that's their bathroom break. They just saw a show. Sure. Then once they sit back down,

it's house money. Like this is their vacation. Yeah. They're okay with it. Yeah, that's true. I took a girl on a date once to the cellar

and it was one of those nights where all these people, Jon Stewart pops in, Trevor, no, all these people. And she just, it was her first time there, and she thought that's how it was. And then I brought her again, and she was like, ugh, this is brutal. Just like you and some other guy. Yeah, that's not, if the first time you go down there, like, that happens, like, yeah.

I just want people in the crowd. By the time they brought the third one up, I remember Godfrey was hosting. And he was just like, all all right we got a special guest you might recognize this guy from everybody loves Raymond please welcome Ray Romano and the next one's like okay this next guy you might recognize from the Seinfeld show please welcome Jerry Seinfeld this next guy you might recognize from the Chris Rock show please welcome Chris Rock this next guy you might recognize from the Chappelle show please welcome Dave Chappelle and then I was like, this next guy you might recognize from the Chappelle show, please welcome Dave Chappelle. And then it was just like, this next guy's name is Bill Burr.

He's been on VH1. And it's a good time to take a shit. Well, hey, I mean, I know you got to go. No, no, no, I don't have to go. Oh, okay. This is fucking. Is that a Mitch Hedberg joke, by the way? What's that? You might recognize me more from. The go. Oh, okay. This is fucking. Is that a Mitch Hedberg joke, by the way? What's that?

You might recognize me more from. The store. Rather than tonight's show, from the store. Yeah, yeah. There's another guy. Jesus Christ. Did you know him well? No, I didn't.

But I remember the first time I saw him, the guy that went on before him was just like, he was running the room and he was in this room got hot and he just it totally went to his ego and he just wasn't funny and he was hateable one of those people just people hate as he was like patricia said guys like that they walk before they even talk they're walking to the stage they're already bombing yeah i always like he was i've had that he talked about about this guy in Boston like that. He has always had me cry and laugh. And it's just like, Billy's just seen it.

It's like, they hated him before they even saw him. And I knew exactly what he was talking about because we've all been that guy. Of course. I was just thinking about that. I don't know. It's just like those moments where when you're that guy, because we've all been that guy, you have to figure your way out of it. Oh, my God. The sleepless nights. I just remember going home to my walkthrough bedroom and just laying there with my eyes open going like, fuck.

Yeah. They hated me. They fucking hated me. But the only good thing was like new york you got up like the next night it's like get back on the bike and shake it off and then you have a good set and you're like okay good i still know how to do that's the only way yeah because you start thinking like did i forget right how to do this if i just hit a like a fucking brick wall and it's just not gonna go yeah any better than this like there was just so many of those uh uh it's just not going to go any better than this. Like, there was just so many of those.

Just so many of those. I had two in a row at the Cellar on Sunday that were not good, and I was kind of like, wow, it's rare that you get back-to-back. You're doing new stuff. Yeah, but I'm in the McDougal room, then I go around the corner of the view. I was like, man, I did kind of bad on both of them. And you're like, fuck, I got to wait until Monday. Yeah.

And that's not long, but we get spoiled with the stage time. Yeah, yeah. And then you start doing that thing where you look at yourself like, what is it about me that they hate? Maybe I could change something about me, like my outfit or my delivery, my face. Give it up for yourselves. I hate when people say thank you for supporting live comedy.

I don't know why that bugs me, but it really bugs me. Because it's false sincerity. Yeah. Yeah. The worst one, someone's bombing, he goes, I like you guys. Because he obviously hates them. You guys are fun. Yeah.

You guys are fun is brutal. Yeah. There was comics that I saw, they said that every set in the same place, no matter how it was going. So it'd be funny. And you just go, he's going to say you guys are fun. And I know he's not having fun. And you just watch the guy up there just like looking like he's got a fucking pancreas.

And he's just like, you guys are fun. And like, that's one of those things where you would get so teased. Like I used to end my sets. You guys, I had a blast. You guys were a blast. And I remember saying that. I said it for like years and nobody ever gave me shit and then keith fucking mean ass keith was standing at stand up new york and he just goes he yelled of course he yells across the room he's like really did you really have a blast and i was like oh geez i was like no i haven't had a blast on stage for months

and i never said it again yeah i i had a couple reality checks at fucking uh uh stand up uh new york like that i remember saying to dave i was going yeah they're really tough they don't want to they don't want to go with you and he just went up with like the edgiest shit ever and then he goes and when he looked at me he goes how do you feel now bill like a coward something like that damn and yeah and but he was teaching me like a lesson and i just feel like nowadays someone would just go to twitter and be like and he said that and he had a position of power right it's like no he's fucking throwing you in the deep end. Yes. Tell you to stop being such a bitch.

It's like, you need that. Yeah. I mean. I used to open for Dave and I remember he'd bring me on stage at the end of the shows and like force me to riff with him. And I'm like, I'm not equipped to riff with Dave Attell, you know, but he was just, it was like him being like, let me help you. Let me try to make you more comfortable.

Yeah. And let's, let's go up here and have and have fun and yeah and he's like helping you to get better like well like it's such a rare thing when somebody is uh as good as he is that like he also has like uh he gives a shit about other comics and stuff he's like it's funny you watch this act it's like so dark and everything but he's like one of the biggest hearted guys you're ever gonna meet like like and like jesus christ i've known him almost 30 years i've never heard one fucking bad thing about him ever yeah that's true i mean every comedy club i go tonight he'll get arrested he just jinxed him he's sex trafficking the new york times wrote a piece on him that was i think

was in him and wrote this like really flattering piece on dave saying he's like the best club comic and i said dave like they're so cool and he goes this is when it all comes crashing down like this is they build you up to just he's like they're gonna kill me he's waiting he's always not the greatest club comic he's the greatest comp there's no yeah i agree to like clarify that for sure but there was something magical about dave and like an intimate like smaller venue because like he's so fucking quick you know the best no yeah his crowd work it just every his jokes his crowd work whatever whatever it's just he's just standing there yeah standing there talking killing i know the best is when he's kind of he doesn't like him and he gets angry and he's still killing but angrily and he's doing that thing where he

slams the microphone base oh it's the best stand uh i mean one time he was doing jokes and they find they just weren't getting him and all the comics stand uh i mean one time he was doing jokes and they find they just weren't getting him and all the comics were dying laughing and then he just did one of his lighter ones you know when he goes let me do a little palate cleanser here and then he just does a lighter joke and the crowd laughs and as they're laughing he just goes ha ha he he yeah and the crowd kind of got it he's saying oh he thinks we're simplistic babies and they kind of up their game yeah went along with like the rest of his because they were kind of noticed the comics were laughing and they weren't you know and it's just like you know even even a crowd will get like

low self-esteem all right we need to be better we need to fucking step up our uh our comedy listening here yeah i was telling telling you once uh he did a joke, and he was murdering, and one joke got like a B laugh instead of an A, and he looked at me and he goes, we'll be right back. You know what that means, but it's the funniest thing.

You can also pull the mic stand and go, this is the funny lever. I remember it was my birthday one night at the cellar, and I was just like smoking a cigar on the steps with Mike Vecchione, and Dave comes out of nowhere, and he goes,

you had a good set, but it wasn't that good. Oh, man. i saw him one time riffing on this asian woman sitting in the crowd and just built this whole backstory he goes are you up there he's with your adoptive parents in connecticut and he goes communicating through your cello oh my god dude she died laughing yeah back when you could like just fucking i don't know that wasn't like, it was just considered, like it's still considered funny, but it's just weird. Every once in a while, there's like, you know, that person trying to get on page six.

Of course. About their audience experience. But as you said, like he's got the rep of being a great guy on top of it. Like comics would not stand for people coming for Dave, you know? No. Yeah, no. No way. There's no way.

Yeah, no. You hope. Because he's a good dude and he's a genius. Never underestimate show business and self-preservation. Exactly. Look at Louie. You know, it's a whole bunch of other people who got, like, you know, dragged under with something. I mean, one guy.

I don't want to name names because I just want to get it going again, but like, you know, one person just went on a date and tried to get laid. I mean, it's not illegal.

It all of a sudden just became this incident. I know, I know. That was just like, what the fuck? Like, what are we even doing here?

It's sad. And that person's the good guy. Yeah. The person who wrote that. We're talking about Bill Cosby. Yeah. Yeah. We got to get him on the wall.

Yeah. 38 charges. My question, where's the 39? I need 39 before I'm convinced. Some people you can't defend. Yeah, obviously. For sure. I'm talking about the-

I've heard people defend Cosby. Really? I was on one podcast and the guy's like, let's be- I'm like, I'm out of here. No, because I can be honest with you, dude. When that shit came out, like, you know, I was in the writer's room on a show and like even one of the writer's wife had a story about him trying, insisting, like was at the buzzer telling her to come down and she just had this gut feeling.

It was like, no. And he was screaming at her through the fucking. Oh, shit. It is weird when it's like the cleanest comic. Of course. Who's like the most evil fuck. That's why I love that Eddie Murphy joke he did on SNL. Who would have thought all these years later Cosby would be in jail and I would be America's dad.

It's amazing. Well, I think the thing America hates the most is a phony. Like when Ellen is dancing and shit and then it comes out that she think the thing america hates the most is a is a phony like when ellen is dancing and shit and then it comes out that she's the biggest coos ever people are like oh okay we were like is she i don't know i'm not saying she is but i mean dude the grind of doing that show and having to be happy and one time i always looked at it like one time she just couldn't do it anymore so she just went out and started dancing and it was just really an expression of how fucking sick she was of doing the fucking show and then it blew up and then she had to do it and i was just like oh no i always root for a comedian and do you know ellen no i don't but i think she's a great comic and and all of that shit like she's great yeah like and the

pressure of fucking doing that every fucking day yeah after a while you don't want to look at people you don't want to talk i remember working with this this older guy on something recently and we were just talking about everybody complaining and he'd been in the business forever he goes dude my first 30 years in this business all people did was yell at each other yeah that's all it was you just like trying to shoot something and all the shit that can go wrong people lose their tempers and they just say shit and you just gotta like roll with it like well they're the boss i had i had yeah dude i i did a movie one time when this fucking guy the scene wasn't working and they had to shut it down and it cost them money and i was the low man in the totem pole so i got yelled at he was right in my grill like he was fucking arguing a call and he was just dropping all these f bonds and i was like what the fuck is

what is this right and i was all like i don't need this shit i'm fucking doing stand-up i don't need to fucking be here but my my but i was just i was smart i was just like this guy is like if if i flip out here like his story is going around hollywood his version not mine and i just didn't right so and then like a couple years later the guy called me out of the blue and stuck me in a movie and then i hung out with them and now i love the guy absolutely love the guy it was just like he had a bad fucking day he had a bad fucking day we've all had it and it's just like nowadays like something like that if that person was to do that to the wrong person um all of a sudden it becomes like this one moment yeah one moment your worst fucking moment you lost your temper you said something that you you regret yeah like because the next day he apologized and he apologized in an old school way he kind of came up we read the scene and it worked

he was standing next to me and he just gave me a couple taps on the shoulder and i was just like all right that's yeah and i was just like and it was it was and i was like all right yeah i mean i'm gonna get mad at somebody for losing their temper it's not a healthy way to apologize but i get it is like the thing it was it was because i don't want a heartfelt apology that's true man i really don't that's actually weirder i will never get comfortable with that true i will just fast forward. I get it. I get it. All right.

All right. Thanks, Sam. Yeah. I would just do that. Like, all right. Thanks. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to see you be like, you know, I really beat myself up over it.

It's just like, dude, this is worse than you yelling at me. Yeah. Can you just yell at me again? Yeah. Well, if I get yelled at like that, my self-esteem is so bad that I'm like, oh, I got to step it up. Or maybe i did something i put it on me somehow i got yelled at by a big comic i'm not gonna say who and i was like oh i

fucked up but everybody was like he's so mean i'm like no i fucked up dude that's what fixed that that i did a bit on uh that lesbian bumping into me the first night i did it of course i didn't realize i popped in a show of course it's the the gay show i had no idea probably all the dicks that they had on the stage should have let me know and uh which i always think is funny on the gay show they're trying to be like can you stop like turning us into like cartoons or whatever and then they do that in a show look at all these dicks but i was then after a while i was just like well isn't this like them just being like you do this you know the whole time i was growing up every beer commercial might as well just had a big pussy fucking in you know the whole time i was growing up every beer commercial might as well just had a big pussy fucking in your face the whole like the whole hetero thing was just so

out there yeah and all these movies like nine and a half weeks and all that like that's why uh uh oh my god uh uh billy uh billy in the street with uh eichner dude he's got a movie coming out it's a gay romantic comedy which has never been done and i was reading about it and just what he was talking about i'm like this is gonna be fucking this is gonna change in a good way it's really gonna change things and uh and i think all of that stuff is really cool i was watching the trailer for it and it looks good and i and i remember being like dude he's fucking he's hilarious he's quick but i remember his shit out on the street is some like him tom green oh you remember tom green when he had that guy holding that fucking light and the guy doesn't

want to do it anymore he goes no no no no and it was he put towards the ground no no no no no no and the guy just kept like he didn't want to do it every time he got no no no no no and the guy was just he just kept doing it and he did what it was like one of my favorite things i ever saw on mtv was him getting that guy to hold this stupid fucking thing you know he just stopped this guy in new york the guy had somewhere to go and he just got him to hold this stupid light and like and he put the pressure of the whole project on him and the guy had like this this fucked up sense of responsibility like i have to hold this fucking light that show was innovative that was that was

like big for oh yeah tom green is a fucking beast huge freddie got fingered as one of the most underappreciated comedies that's a really funny movie there's a lot of there's a lot of those out there like the ones that uh slip through the cracks and all that it's usually not the one that wins the award like you know and like mcgruber or something mcgruber's great oh my god that's a great movie that movie is fucking it's i will suck your dick i'll get that clip i will let you fuck me just tell me what you want me to fuck dude that movie is just like fucking yeah those are all like to me like if it if it if i'm watching

that by myself on the road like you know that's like that's like the highest like if if somebody makes a comedy in hollywood and comedians are watching it on the fucking road and like quoting it and stuff like, and everybody was quoting that movie. I remember Neil Brennan went to the table read for that. He goes, I've never been to a table read that killed as hard as that. Like it was just, it just fucking murdered. Wow. Murdered. Oh my God, the Kristen Wiig sex scene.

He's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey The Kristen Wiig sex scene. He's like, That's one of the best comedies ever. It's crazy. Yeah, I've never laughed. And the show is fucking amazing on Peacock. Do you ever see a comedy so funny that you're like, I got to change how I am? It's a horrible way to think, but I saw Mulaney once at a Skirball Center, and it was so good. I didn't know much about him.

It was like his first special, and I was like, I got to be more like that, which obviously I didn't. First time I saw that guy, he featured for me at Zany's in Chicago in that little walk-in closet. I love that club. Oh, yeah. I've never seen a guy like the first time I saw him, I was like, this guy looks like he's been like a broadcaster. Like he looked like he could host the Letterman show like his first half hour. You know, there was a few guys that I saw that were like no brainers. Dane was one.

Like the shit that he gets through, the level that that guy was killing. He put the fear in God and guys that have been doing for 20 years. We used to do Dick Doherty, rest his soul. His comedy clubs and all like Drake it, Mass and all these places. And Dane would have the headliner like pacing in the back. Damn.

He was killing that hard and he would be like I shouldn't have to follow that. And my favorite thing, there's no jokes here. It's like, well, listen to the crowd. There's something going on here. He doesn't get credit. He kind of came up with a new genre sort of style of it. And it's just a weird fucking business, man.

It is. It's like the Bo Burnham thing. Some people figure out, not only did he figure out a new way of doing comedy, he did the MySpace shit too. I mean, he was so mean he was so that guy is a total fucking trailblazer what i love is all the shit he got in the beginning he just shut everybody down and he totally delivers and then in the end you find out this guy's a monster fucking talent oh yeah that can kind of kind of do everything yeah in front and and behind that he made some other movie. I forget the name of it. Years ago. About like teenage kids and your first date.

Eighth grade? Oh, my God. It was a fucking. I never saw that. It was great. It was a great movie. Yeah. Great fucking movie. It just totally put you back into like your first crushes and the dumb shit.

The kid has like a date. He's like trying to comb his hair. And, you know, the dumb shit that you did when you were a kid and um i saw that with my wife and be like that like and i just remember thinking like that's his first i think that was his first movie yeah it was like i mean this is this is incredible he's a talent he's a talented son of a bitch six eight he almost had him play larry bird and uh no way in that uh showtime show i heard it was going to happen. That's a pretty good cast. They have another kid playing it. The kid who's playing it's good.

Yeah. Yeah, but it's not. Yeah, I thought it was going to be him. Did you see how they filmed that Lakers one, like the fast breaks? Yeah. They showed this guy. The guy comes skating in on rollerblades, and he's got a camera. And then he does this curl around like that and then flips around going backwards.

And he's flying down the court. And then the actor's playing, I i think magic is coming up the court and he totally he came down backwards and went like right underneath the net as he like you know the whole fast break i was just like hold like who like who thought to shoot like that and then what's the odds you got a cameraman that could skate like those kids in central park remember they would set up the cones yeah yeah they would do that with their feet you know going in and out and then they get like i would they'd always hit like one cone and then they'd be like that's the day like it ended their whole fucking day it's like it's not enough everybody's watching this and you can't this

is this is the 90s everybody but rollerblading was still cool oh yeah yeah and they would always catch like one and then they'd be like like like like just like they just lost their shot to go to the olympics right seeing those clips i'm like thinking like man the pressure to make this layup so you don't fuck up a take with everything someone's you know doing like he's doing what he's doing is harder than what they're doing so about winning time yeah yeah yeah i can tell you a couple i gotta do it off camera because I can't say the name. You know, when you get an actor who's in a sports movie, but you know, is not athletic. Yeah. And there's a crowd of extras watching going like, this is going to be some movie magic.

I do have to get out of here though. Dude, unfortunately. Thank you so much. The special's amazing, man. I'm such fucking huge fans of you guys and your generation. So keep doing whatever you guys are doing because you're fucking killing it. So thank you. Thank you for having me.

Same for you, Bill. I mean, the new special is amazing. It's great. I don't feel all this. I'm just buzzing so much after that root beer. I'll trash you later when I come down off the sugar. No, it's amazing. I can't wait to see your movie too, man.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's what i'm in town for we got a screening at uh seven in front of 200 regular people but we got you know everybody's you know been really helping me you know killer editor and editors that we've had working on this thing so you know we're kind of getting almost to the fun part where it's like locked and then it's just gonna be color and music uh music is fucking hard man jesus christ it's fucking hard so i got help with that thank god so we shall see old dads it's coming out at some point all right all right thank you for having me thank you bill killed it good to see you okay thanks gang dude that was a great one great he had he had to run but, that was one for the books. Nice to get him in here, man.

That was a bucket list get. Yeah. I mean, as you know, I texted him and heard nothing for, I don't know, a week and a half. And then out of the blue, today, I'm like, ah, shit. All right. And I even said, you know, he's like, I have a hard out at five. And I say, hey, come in at three. We'll do three to five. He's like, three to four. I was like, all right. And I even said, uh, we know he's like, I have a hard out at five. And I say, Hey, come in at three.

We'll do three to five. He's like three to four. It's like, all right, three to five. I just wanted some wiggle room, but he was like three to four. And I'm like,

you got it. Great app. Great app. Where are you going to be? I'm going to be all over special September 1st. Netflix, check that out, but I'll be,

uh, when does this come out? Oh, uh, yeah, I'll be in LA the 17th to the 18th, the Bourbon Room, Pittsburgh Improv the following weekend, Burlington, Vermont, September 1st through 3rd, Dania Beach, September 8th through 10th, Louisville, Kentucky the following weekend, then Irvine, the Improv,

Omaha, Nebraska. Getting there from LA is going to be a real fucking bitch i'm gonna have to fly out a day early killing me with the lax one of the worst airports in the planet it really is it should be how does la not have a good airport i know if you can get out of burbank i can't there's no options i gotta leave a day early in like at like 11 it's terrible and it's that's wild yeah one of the worst things in my life uh phoenix arizona that'll be great love phoenix lexington new brunswick okc you can go to my website for more samuel.com slash shows mark what you got man hey hey i'm gonna try to go off memory san antonio this weekend at lol

comedy club breakfast tacos oh yeah good call uh comedy connection in providence Breakfast tacos. with Bert Kreischer, Red Rocks, Tumblr Brewing Company in Bakersfield, California, doing two shows there, Brea Improv, San Jose Improv, the Danton Music Hall in Toronto, or Danforth, sorry, Royal Oak with Jeff Ausmus. He's opening. The Roxanne. Killer. He's a killer. Killer in Pittsburgh.

The Anglert in Iowa City. Pantages in Minneapolis, Lincoln, Nebraska nebraska portland oregon seattle vancouver new orleans new haven boston philly and that's it for the year and uh bodega cat is either out maybe we'll add something at the beginning of this shit but like it's it's here this month we'll figure it out but i'm pumped man Right now it's like Lance Bass in 09. Almost out, but not there yet. Or maybe it is. Who knows?

Was he not out in 09? I don't think he was. I remember it was like gay? Question mark was the cover of the Time magazine. God, it must have been tough. Yeah. All those women screaming for you. I know.

I know. 06. Sorry. I was off by a couple my gaydar was off i'm gay all right that's your expression i got it from him he's my comedy we're gonna talk to his lawyers that's marks yeah yeah right what the hell next he's gonna say praise Allah well thanks for listening guys subscribe merch we might be drunk pod.com email us at uh we might be drunk pod at gmail.com we got uh all kinds of shit right yeah patreon yes stuff on the patreon we love you

thanks for listening hell yeah close. I've had a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking cops, and I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like a cop's coming, and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans, this woman doesn't look like We might be true.