We Might Be Drunk - Ep 93: Raanan Hershberg

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

Watch Raanan's special - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-L5tTb7TCW8&t=133s Tell em' WMBD sent ya! Find Mark and Sam on the road near you: http://marknormandcomedy.com/#schedule https://www.sammorril.com/shows Get some shirts: https://www.bonfire.com/store/gotham-production-studios/ Join us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Support the show, quit smoking naturally with Füm, AND save 10% by using code DRUNK at https://www.breathefum.com/DRUNK Get $130 off 6 meals by going to https://go.factor75.com/DRUNK130 and use code DRUNK130 Visit www.liquidiv.com and code Drunk

Hey! Yeah! We're here. We're doing it. We're back. We might be drunk. Good to have you. How the hell are you? We've got a buddy Ron on Hirschberg with us. He's got a new special out on YouTube. What's the name of the special? Jokes from the Underground. I was there. It was a great special.

Watch this special. Good to see you, man. Thanks for having me. Yeah, it's great to be here. Yeah, it's nice. If you want me to relapse on the show, I can. Really? Would you do that?

We got you non-alcoholic beer. Am I your first sober person? No. Who else? We had List on. We had Burr. Right. Yeah, never mind.

That's crazy that I thought I'd be your first. There's a lot of sober comics. There's so many sober people now. You're saying you had List before me? How dare you? Yeah, well. You're saying you had Bill Burr before me? Yeah. You know.

They beg to be on. But yeah, no, I won't relapse, but I'll drink the non-alcohol. It kind of gets me drunk. Really? Well, it's like a psychological thing. Right. Because it's like the, I don't know it just makes me feel drunk um yeah i guess i guess i'm susceptible to hypnotism well i mean they say like 68 of pills are placebo really and they just people buy it the mind is such a fucking cunt yeah and my mind is especially cunty you know like if i if i think you know during the

covid shit when like if i thought i had covid i'd have all these symptoms and then the minute the rapid test came back negative they'd all go away that's so true isn't that crazy that happened to me too i mean do you will you have these ever will you drink these yeah i do but i i i really need to stop because i'm just getting fat and not getting drunk it's like you get all the bad parts yeah it's like decaf all the bad parts. Yeah. It's like decaf coffee of alcohol. You just get the shits, but you don't have the energy. It's the same.

No one's ever like, I need a cup of decaf coffee. No, no. It's the same with... Do you ever fuck women you're not attracted to on the non-alcoholic beer? Oh, I mean, I've done it sober, so I guess I've done it on the non-alcoholic beer. I'm going to have a regular beer, but I do want to try the non-alcoholic.

I've never tried it. It's good shit, man. It's like beer, but it doesn't give you the thing that you want from beer. Yeah, right. I always looked at non-alcoholic beer like a blow-up doll. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm like, well, why not nothing? Right, you know? Right right you mean it's better

to just not to just not just just have like a soda or something no for sure um yeah i i mean the only reason i drink it is because it actually does get me drunk sometimes oh that tastes pretty damn good though well maybe i'm about to take this back then yeah well yeah i heard somebody compare having sex with a condom is like having non-alcoholic beer and i'm like that's not true because the condom sex is still fucking. Yeah. It's still sex. Yeah.

There's still a person there. Yeah. It's definitely true. Because I'll have this and I still won't have sex with a condom. So I feel like I definitely have a difference. Good point. Well, that's speaking of mental. I mean, how many times have you seen ingrown hair on your dick and you just go down this spiral of like, what have I done?

Who am I? I got gotta make some changes i hate myself i gotta call my mom every day it's it's a it's just i if you go through like i went through like a day once recently i was like i had like i think 14 different fears that day just like different oh yeah and it's just like is it with everything now it's just like covid monkey pox i'm always terrified of bed bugsugs. Oh, I had those. I think it feels like God doesn't want anyone to interact with each other. It's like stay away from everyone because everyone's just going to give you COVID and herpes and bedbugs. God talks to his messengers on Zoom.

Yeah. Yeah. Just all do it on Zoom. Yeah. Because it is like it's just so much. Yeah. So much fucking stress. It doesn't taste bad.

It tastes great. You know what? It's missing that. The kick. It's like there is. It's missing the purpose of beer. Yeah. It much fucking stress. It doesn't taste bad. It tastes great. You know what? It's missing that, the kick. It's like there is. It's missing the purpose of beer. Yeah. It's missing like, well, you know when you have that one little like, there's like that little, I don't know.

It's alcohol. It's missing alcohol. There you go. You're like, it's missing the thing that I like, alcohol. You know, the one thing it's lacking is the point of it. I feel like I'm still here. That's the problem. Yeah.

You know what it is? It's like a body without a soul. That's it. Hey,'m still here. That's the problem. Yeah, you know what it is? It's like a body without a soul. Hey, there you go. That's what it is. That's a good ad. It's a body without a soul. Who needs a soul? Fuck, we've got too much soul.

Yeah, but, you know, so, but I don't know, I get susceptible. I'm, you know, I guess it's part of my hypochondria. I get susceptible, so when I drink this, I feel a little woozy, you know? Yeah, well, didn't Tom Cruise just have a big flip out flip out about or no he had a flip out about antidepressants

years ago yeah and it resurfaced and turns out he was kind of right or something they're saying he was i don't know you always say they i'm like well the internet is they they keep saying like he was on it like doctors have gone back and been like, he was on to something here. Well, I mean, definitely not from where he's coming from. Because he's like, Xenu told me not to do it. Sure, sure. Like, that's not. Like, the scientists aren't like, yeah, Xenu and Ron L.

They were correct. But, I mean, I think it depends. I mean, I'm on antidepressants. It helps me. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I can't. I know it fucked up, right? I'm pretty depressed on it. Yeah, exactly. yeah exactly like a wet blanket over there not working yeah imagine if i wasn't on it yeah well i gotta tell you i grew up with a scary dad like pull up in the driveway dad's home you know battle stations go hide and he got on antidepressants and he's like how are you he's like henry winkler now it's weird and i'm still like flinching around him well it's wild i don't and obviously i don't think it works for everyone i do think it's over diagnosed i will say this everyone who's ever committed suicide should have been on antidepressants you don't think

there's some suicide for hitler except for hitler we could have saved hitler it's a real tragedy hitler epstein if they were only medicated. Well, Hitler got a lot done. They both did. They both did, yeah. Very efficient people. But, you know, I just read biographies on Hitler now. That's all I do.

I'm, like, obsessed with Hitler. I've always said you need more Holocaust jokes. You don't have enough. He's got six million of them. Someone recently was like, I forget who, some guy was like, what's up with you Jews all being into Hitler? Well, I mean, he started it. I wouldn't say we're into it. Yeah.

Well, no, I'm pretty into Hitler. I mean, he is fascinating. You can't deny it. He definitely began the interest. Yes. We would not have been into Hitler if he was showing signs he was into us first. Yeah, yeah. Of course, of course course wasn't he a

halfie or something no you always hear that he they always say he was a half jew his mother's jewish no no no i've read 12 biographies this month come on i'm on the internet well the internet is not they this whole they thing that was a theory but it's not true i'm just trying to be nice to trans people. They, them. It would suck if he was Jewish. He'd be like, I guess he's a victim of the Holocaust. Nah.

But I did read, this sounds like a joke, but it's true. His father changed his last name to Hitler. Oh. And so he had a different- It was originally Goldstein. Yeah, no, it was originally goldstein yeah no it was it was i'm not getting this right but it was something that would have hard to get a hail go because hail hitler sounds good it's great in the biography they're literally like he probably would have become hitler because it's hard to get like a hail schickel gruber going yeah it was literally

like schickel gruber really yeah it was schickel You can look that up. I believe it was Schicklgruber. So if he didn't change his name. He would have just opened like a bratwurst restaurant. Yeah. Exactly. I mean, he might have been like kind of a Nazi there, like a soup Nazi, just to that level. Right. A bratwurst Nazi.

But like the service here is really bad. That's it. But yeah, Schicklgruber. Like Hail Hitler is so catchy. It is. Because he changed. It's like that Call Me Maybe song. Yeah, exactly.

Because the father changed his name to Hitler, six million Jews died. That's fucking fascinating. If it was Schicklgruber, no one's like, do you hear about this new Schicklgruber guy? Right, you're right. That's true. No one's like, Hail Schicklgruber.

You wouldn't have got it going. Name helps. Yeah. Name does help. Maybe like, can we call you Schickle or Gruber and then you think about how many Jews

change their name in show business John Stewart's John Leibowitz why do you think I'm struggling so much I just fucking changed my name

your agent's like we can't get you booked in the Midwest it's just the Hirschberg you can't even fucking spell my name it's insane

yeah well you got a lot of A's in there in the first name it's insane I should have changed it but I'm from a different time you can't change now you have to change names have changed it, but I'm from a different time. You can't change names.

Now you have to change names to be more ethnic. So I came from the wrong time. You know what I mean? I'd have to change it to like Ronan, Hirschberg bagel, lox, and cream cheese. I don't know. You have one of my favorite jokes, the one about your grandparents going to,

you're like a Jew from Kentucky. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. How'd that go again? It's like, I live in New York now. People are like, how did a like a Jew from Kentucky? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. How'd that go again? It's like, I live in New York now, people are like, how did a Jew end up in Kentucky? Because I'm from Kentucky. And I'm like,

well, when my grandpa left Europe before the Holocaust, he wasn't very picky. He wasn't like, I don't know, I'll switch to Louisville, let me think about it. That's a great bit.

Well, it was, it is like, this, I don't know, this is not the pet peeve section, but. Oh, lay it on us- Lay it on us. Lay it on us. There's no order.

Jews in New York, the Jews only live in New York, in Israel. They don't realize we're like a scattered tribe. We're all over the fucking place. There's Jews in Tucson. There's Jews in Tucson. There's Jews everywhere. It's like, they really are. They're just cockroaches.

They go, no. I get why anti-Semites hate us. We just show up everywhere. We're just going to click Jews or cockroaches. And just think, how many would it be without the Holocaust? I know. Jesus Christ. We kind of needed it just to keep that.

I know. It would be overwhelming. Someone else said that. Someone said, who was that? Maybe it was Joe. Someone was like, you know, there was less Jews. There was more Jews in Germany before the Holocaust than there are now or something like that. And I'm like, yeah, the Holocaust was a real setback.

Yeah, you didn't know that. It is interesting how Hitler, like, it's like Trump where the ratings just go up if he's on it, you know? Yeah. Like, there's a Hitler, the History Channel is called the Hitler Channel. CNN plummeted after Trump. Exactly. I know. Hitler, I will say Hitler's, I'm like, I'm basically a historian now. history channel is called the Hitler channel. CNN plummeted after Trump. Exactly. I will say Hitler's fast.

I'm basically a historian now. The minute I turned 38, I just started reading Hitler biographies. They just come in the mail. And I've read like seven. I'm watching movies now where I'm like, that's not historically accurate. You're Neil deGrasse Tyson with Gravity. I am, but with all just like Schindler's List.

That's who you like to see movies with. The guy who sits down and goes, actually. Right. Well, you know, but yeah. I know what you mean. It is just, I've gone in deep, you know. Oh, yeah. And it's, you know, not good because I know it's good qualities now.

You know, I'm just like. The painting or what's the good stuff? Well, he was a shitty painter, but he loved dogs, you know. Against smoking. Smoking's not great. Really? Hated Jews. Yeah, yeah.

Good point. Good point. I'll give you that one. But yeah, I don't know. Evil is interesting. It is. You know, it's just fucking interesting, you know. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, Trump just got raided, you know. That's fun. That's what they said yeah uh that will be that's gonna be an interesting thing did they find anything well they can't melania was flushing all the coke down the toilet like you know i don't think they're not gonna be able to release the information i think you know oh really we shouldn't talk about this. This is coming out in like a month. Oh, good point, good point. Yeah, we should just talk about Trump being in jail. Or being a president. It is funny that we're like. We'll do a choose your own adventure. It is funny.

Which one do you want to hear? Is Trump going to be president or in jail? It's a real. We live in a real all or nothing type society. That's true, yeah. Are you going to be the leader or at the very bottom? Martyr Lago. Mm-hmm.

All right. I'll see you all in hell. But yeah. Oh, I saw a giant, the biggest fight ever. I was telling Sam on the, I did a show at Tacoma Comedy Club, a giant fight in the audience. Oh, yeah, like a melee out in the crowd? I mean, huge. Worst I've ever, I've never seen any.

One time I did a show, it was opening for Madigan at the town hall here. And the lights just came on in the middle. Some old lady smacked someone else and they escorted her out. But I didn't really see it and it wasn't that big a deal. This time I'm on the show and they apparently asked this guy to leave. And the security asked him nicely three times. And the third time the guy, and I got to get this right because I kept on saying chokehold. And Joe List was like, don't say chokeholdhold that's like an mma term that's not nearly

as bad he strangled him he started choking him like actually choking him and the security guard like passed out for a second five people jumped on him punched him the lights went on i'm just how big was the security guard that he did it to what how big he was he was small yeah yeah he was small there's an epidemic of tiny comedy club security guards true yeah like well i'm looking i'm like that dude's not gonna help he was small it's a failed comic i'm pretty sure it's an elementary school i was at caroline's once and uh there was a guy on state in the front row and he just wouldn't let me get a joke out and he was a scary looking dude and i kind of it was like 15 minutes of this and i kind of turned i'm like

are you gonna toss him or not yeah the guy walks over, and he whispers, and the guy, he just was like this and walked away. I was like, what? He said no. Whoa. That's usually not what toss means. At the same time, like, yeah, I don't blame you. I'm scared of him, too. Wow.

Would you mind leaving? No. All right. All right. That's valid. What if the cops did that? OJ, we're taking you in that's why you didn't go the first time um but yeah i mean no it's well good for him for trying

he did a great job and he and he i talked to him after a security guard he was unfazed i was like in a trauma blanket on the street but he was like yeah he was like unfazed and they did a great job of kicking the guy out but the lights turned on and i'm just standing there yeah this is like 30 minutes into my set oh and the guy in the crowd choking him is a tough looking dude yeah really tough looking i mean the population people i think are tough looking it's pretty wide but yeah he was really tough looking how old are we talking he's probably like 30s but this was like manchester by the sea like abrupt violence like i'm like how does that guy function in society the guy quietly asked him to leave a third time and he just

started strangling him i'm like how is he well tacoma is like a blue collar kind of rough belty tough town you know city yeah yeah well the worst part is i was doing i was doing abortion material and it was kind of tense. Yeah. And then they kicked him out, and the lights went back down, and I just went back to tense material. So there was no relief. Yeah, you're like, they should have aborted that guy. I did say that. Okay, good.

All right, you got to say that. I was like, thank you for proving my point. But here's the saddest part about all that. It's a horrible thing. A guy got strangled. It fucks your setup. You're in a trauma blanket. But at the end, you're like, did you get the clip i didn't get the clip i didn't get the clip

i did it that happened to me at one of their clubs once i had like the greatest crowd work moment i ever had and i was like did the camera roll they're like is that a bad oh i had the same thing it's like have you all seen nope it's like the camera just breaks whenever there's anything no i haven't seen it well you'll get it. What did you say? I heard mixed. It's interesting. Okay. But I, yeah, it was, I didn't film it. I don't know if it would have captured him, but it would have captured my, like in those situations, comics, people love comics in that situation because it's not that hard

to come back to that. Yes. Yes. As long as you don't shit yourself in the fetal position, they're like, you're a fucking genius. Exactly. Meanwhile, you say brilliant material. I mean, the Chris Rock moment is like,

he just was composed. That's it, yeah. That's really all you have to do is not shit the bed. Yeah, exactly. It's the same thing if you're like an all black crowd. If you're like the one white guy and you just don't shit your pants, you're like, I like this guy, you know what I mean?

But I... I want to see the one white guy go up there. It's all black. He's like, oh, I shit myself. If you just act like a white guy, you'll kill. You're like, oh, man, it was scary on the way up here. They're like, ah. I always thought that'd be so funny for a late night at comic to just come out

and just be like, oh, I just shat myself. But I was really in a bad mood too because the club is great but fucking uh i don't can i i'll tell you carlos but see i was headlining earlier and carlos but see it was headlining later that night and he wouldn't let me use the green room damn this is recently this was the show oh my god so i get there and they're like you can't use the green room carlos Mencia's merch is in there. So like my fucking. What the fuck? I couldn't be in the green room because of a fucking hacked fucking merch. Wow.

You got outshined by merch. Not only that, I hear he's doing a bunch of Holocaust material on the road right now. Well, I wanted to leave my joke notebook in there to have him talk about a loud Jewish mother. He's Mexican, right? Yeah. Half Mexican, half Irish. Think about being Mexican. Carlos. My mother was always like, Carlos. he's Mexican right half half half half Irish Carlos

my mother was always like Carlos I think it's Ned Hellness the worst part about growing up Mexican is your loud Jewish mother so I couldn't go in the green room so when the fight happened I got nowhere to go yeah his merch is fucking protected

whatever that is shirt with a joke he stole from George Lopez or whatever. Oh, damn. Going in. Does he still sell a lot of tickets there? Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, I think he does well. That's why that happened.

Well, we got to let you go. We got Sam's shirts are coming in. We got some mugs. We got Minceon coming in right after this. Next episode is just you all and Carlos Mencia's koozie. You're just talking to that. Mencia's like, this guy keeps kind of coming to my green room. That's where my shirts are.

At least the club, I mean, I know the kid went down. He got strangled, which sucks. But at least he had your back. Club was great, yeah. Yeah, I did a- That's a good club. If we're naming names, I did Bananas That's a good club. We're naming names. I did Bananas in, not Poughkeepsie.

Hasbro Heights. Hasbro Heights. Bananas. Right off that highway. Right off the highway. One of those. Route 9 in Jersey. Hasbro Heights just sounds so tough.

Oh, dude. Oh, my God. Route 9. The only good thing is you get those classic Jersey diners right around there. Yes. That's the only thing that area has going for it. So true. So I'm doing bananas and I'm getting heckled mercilessly by like a giant table of like

electricians. It was some union. And I'm just dying out there. I'm like, is anyone going to do anything like this is fucking crazy. And the lady goes, there's 80 of them. That was her answer. And I was like, OK. And that was it.

And I had to go back into material. That's why you don't sell to a group. The good clubs don't sell to groups that big. No, you can't. It becomes a private event. It's a corporate event. They control the show. Yeah, they had me by the balls.

And I just, it was dance monkey dance. And I just had to count the minutes. I once kicked, it was like an office part. I once kicked 30 people out of the show once. And I was the feature. It was a very, it was like an office party. I once kicked 30 people out of a show once. Wow. And I was the feature. It was a very, it was a very, it was a shitty move on my part. Hey, let's hear it.

How the hell did that happen? It was like an office party. They sat up front. I didn't realize it was an office party. And they all just get kicked out at once. Oh, okay. I like demanded, I think I saw Gary Goldman like demand someone get kicked out on a video or something.

I'm like, I like that. I'm going to do that. I forgot he had been like headlining for like 50 years. I'm like featuring at the Looney Bin. It's like my third time. Which one? This was... God, shit. Which one was it? It was Tulsa

or Oklahoma or Auschwitz. One of the three. I was performing and it was just... They were just heckling right away. And I was performing, and they were just heckling right away. And I actually learned an important lesson, because there was a cruise ship comic after me. And they don't always have the best material, not always, but he had some really good insights, and I learned a big lesson.

Because they were heckling so much that the minute I got on stage, I just started yelling at them, which is always bad. To just not even let the audience see you. You're right. Like my first impression, their first impression of me was like, fuck you, you piece of shit. And then I'd also try to go into a joke and they'd be heckling and I wouldn't get to the end of the joke. And the cruise ship guy afterwards said, let yourself get to the end of the joke.

Get to the punchline. Then. Then do it. Yes. But don't let them see you like, because you can still get laughs. Right. Even if it's talky, you can still get laughs. I learned a lot from that.

And just be quiet and let the crowd hear that. Yeah. When you're like quiet as possible. Exactly. Yeah, I learned a lot. The cruise ship comic later killed himself. But I learned a lot. I'm joking.

But I learned a lot. But like I kicked out like three people and they kicked them out. Oh, wow. Get these fuckers out of here. I'm doing the Bill Hicks speech. Yes, you cunts. But they kicked out three, but the rest of the office party, they were still heckling,

so they just kicked them out throughout the show. Wow. So 30 people by the end of the show. Are you addressing it? Like, yeah, get good riddance. Yeah, get him too. Oh, yeah, fuck his wife. Yeah, fuck you.

Yeah, yelling shit. Oh, good for you. They're yelling. That's kind of fun after a minute. Like, after the 13th one, you're like, this is whack-a-mole. It is fun. I mean, they're yelling, like, we'll see you in the parking lot, Jew. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tulsa. We'll see you in the parking lot, Jew. Dane Cook's shirts are in the green rooms. I don't know where to go. But, yeah, I learned a lot from that. But, yeah, it's heckling. You shouldn't have to. Like, at a certain point, you don't want to have to, like, be good at, I learned a lot from that. But yeah, it's heckling. You shouldn't have to, like at a certain point, you don't want to have to like be good at dealing with it.

It's brutal. And it's so frustrating too, because a lot of these crowds are like, you're like, shut up. They're like, well, you're not funny. I'm like, you haven't listened. The only way to get the joke is to, you got to listen to the setup and the punch, but they listen to the setup for four seconds and they go,

I'm not laughing. Fuck this guy. I was at the airport. Not funny. Exactly. Nothing funny about you being at the airport if you listen i was gonna get to a 9-11 twist but you you pulled out i love when they yell i was doing something about dating app because i'm a hack and i said something about bumble i was like talking about bumble and i clearly had like a joke and i don't think dude dating app materials hack i was just joking but i was doing a joke and uh and someone yelled, you should put a video of yourself on Bumble.

That's how you do it. I'm like, you think I'm just up here trying to get a dating advice? Yeah, exactly. Like, you really think I don't have a joke about this? I'm just like, how was the show? It was great. I got some really good dating advice. That's the main point.

The worst is when they're just talking at the table and you have to be like, what's going on? I know. Because I can't. I had it the other night at the cellar. There's a there's a table and I'm just like they're talking so loudly. I'm like, how's it going? And she was just like, oh, we were just talking, which I'm like, yeah, that phrase should never be uttered. We were just talking about a friend.

That's just like what you just said. Oh, excuse the post joke reflection. Of course. Thank you. Yeah. So uh so you know i have to deal with them and they're just and i'm you're mad at yourself for not kind of slamming them but at the same time like how do i just what i'm trying to do is just get this back into material angry you can't look angry definitely on the road sometimes in new york you can be like fuck you yeah back in the day you could back in the day you could be like fuck you you whore now you'll get like a restraining order now you have to be like fuck you you uh respectable

citizen whatever yes comics saw that clip of bill hicks where he's like you fucking cunt and i'm like yeah that's not how you're supposed to do it he's a great comic you're not that's not the move he's a great comic he might not have been consistent like like i don't know but he also was playing shitholes that's the thing is like He's a great comic. He might not have been consistent. Right, right. Like, I don't know. But he also was playing shitholes. That's the thing is like when you have those ideas and you're playing like dumps in the South. Sure. Of course.

You know, he's not playing the eight rooms in the South. No, he's in the sticks. Which is amazing how well he could do doing like. Yeah. He was a master at that. Yeah. I mean, he really, I mean like I've talked to comics who say like, yeah, he would go to the places that disagreed with him as opposed to the people now who are like i only play san francisco and portland yeah exactly exactly that's like the

modern bill hicks is like i only do burlington vermont yeah um yeah 20 minutes at ches and they do like they're like i do jokes about making fun of racism like that would be controversial if you're in like oklahoma but if you're in like seattle it's just pandering sometimes the same joke is pandering you really got to go to the sticks of oklahoma oklahoma city is not they're not on board with that shit tulsa's not on board with that shit you really you know it's uh yeah he really was an incredible comic but some of those clips well you gotta you gotta be as you said you can't look angry when you look angry they've won and this is much truer I think on the road where the view of comics

cause there are times where you're having a great time and then if you snap all the audience even the ones who liked you are like whoa cause the truth is even if you're doing well and this is part of it most people in the audience especially on the road think of you as a birthday clown and the minute you get mad they see it as like a birthday clown yelling at a

little kid what kind of fucking balloon do you want you give it you know they start getting mad because they think that they're you're there just to entertain them yes and so like they and you are i mean there it's that you know comedy is a dignity to it artistic yeah entertaining it's like that beautiful right yin yang but like when you snap they're like oh like why the birthday clown's getting mad right now you know you have to like you can't show real emotion on stage but you snap a lot more early on when you're playing those when you're just consistently in bad rooms when like i don't really snap anymore because i don't either i'm like i'm pretty spoiled with the rooms i get to play now and but starting out i was like man my fuse was

like fucking oh same and we all snap i think pete holmes said this once i was like it really stuck with me he's like you can always tell an amateur comic because they snap too soon and i was like that was just me a hundred percent yeah whisper i'd be like shut up you're fucking kind of fucking you know the same way it's just like you just snap you just we were just crazy back then right i was just like it was just a different time. And you're young and you're bombing more and you're not making it. You're poor. So you're kind of like you're letting a little out on them too.

Yes. You know how many shows I've done tonight? Fuck you. This shit works. All the anger, all the struggle just comes out in that one thing. Exactly. But it is. You can't.

You got to. And I think now when people heckle, I'm pretty fun about it and just do it in a way where I'm like. Because you got to do it in a way where you can kind of make them look bad while not looking upset. Best thing I ever did. Because you ever go to a club and they go, what do you want us to say if somebody heckles? If somebody heckles, do you have a thing, like a phrase, like get them a water? That means throw them out or whatever that bullshit is. Get them a water.

And I always say, if someone heckles, don't do anything chit chat get on that yeah get on the chick because chit chat to me is way worse than heck heck i can handle i can make a joke out of chit chat i'm just like it's like a gnat in my ear and you're throwing me off and you start flubbing words like i just what's going on over here and it just ruins the show way more than a heckle i actually mean when i say heckle like i mean chit chat is the worst because it's indifferent yes it's indifferent it's just heckle is actually fine because someone yelling out something i can use that you can use that you can rip it's not fine but it's doable it's doable chatting is just a it's indifferent and then if it's a big room only you can fucking hear it yeah you look like fucking uh you look

like donnie darko talking to like an imaginary person up there. No, a heckler is almost like a pussy being like, I'm guard. Yeah. You're like, let's go. Let's go. But, you know, the chatter, it's like a dude just keeps like flicking your ear. Yes.

You're like, where the hell is that coming from? Exactly. I was on stage at Tacoma, that same show. The fucking guy was doing a toast loudly in front of me. He was like, give it up for Charles. He was a good guy. He was in the Navy 20 years. And the fucking guy was doing a toast loudly in front of me. He was like, give it up for Charles. He was a good guy. He was in the Navy 20 years and the other guy's doing a thing. Like a one-act play.

And I'm like, I'm like, what are you all toasting about? And they all look at me like my Joe Bisker. That's the funny part. You're the bad guy. You're not. This isn't about you. I seriously brought that up. I'm like, if I have such low self-esteem, I'm yeah, you're not. This isn't about you. This isn't about you. I seriously brought that up. I'm like, and I have such low self-esteem.

I'm like, am I? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be. But it's like, I don't go on stage with a microphone because I want to be ignored. Of course. I clearly want attention. So when someone's giving a toast in the front row, it's a perversion of the craft we're doing. Yes.

And then we look especially like assholes because we're like, look at me a microphone still being ignored we look like even bigger assholes calling this a craft yeah did you have a code word for kicking people out no but i heard i think what margaret was saying about the wine was get that fucking cunt out of here yeah i really that's what i usually just say like if it gets that bad i don't mind looking bad i mean you if i want to i never get kick people out almost ever so if it gets to that point then usually they do it before i do yeah they're all they're like all your fans too so it's a complicated you know what the smoothest is i was at i think it was at the houston improv and i did a bunch of jokes and you know you heard like something might have been weird for two seconds like whatever and then a couple hours

later you're having a beer in the green room they're like oh we kicked like 12 people out and you're like what like yeah yeah we just kept it quiet i was like man you guys are good yeah like ninjas happened to me at houston improv too is that people in the front i didn't even ask to kick them out i was trying to save them i they were so drunk they were like do a shot with me i'm like i'm good they're like do a shot i'm like fuck it what the hell i'll do a shot so i do a shot trying to like save them yes i'm getting drunk during the show trying to save this table they're like he's your biggest fan can he just have a picture with you i'm like during the show all right fuck it i bring the mic over i'm like this is me trying to save this table i with the mic i'm like did you get your fucking picture i'm fucking with him it's like i'm trying

to save this they just keep going to the point that the staff kicked them out. And I was like, I tried. Yeah. I tried to help you. You did more than your part on that one. Yeah, but Houston, they're drunkers, man. They're rowdy. Big room, too.

That's the other thing. At the end of the day, it's just alcoholism. It's not personal. It's not. You're literally just fighting alcoholism. There was a comic, I think it was at was at hilarities and i forgot who it was i i'll it'll hit me at some point but he had his code word was to kick someone out was get this person a cola a cola and he was like apparently kept saying hey i get this guy a cola because the guy was bad and no one does anything and he just keeps saying

will someone get this fucking guy a cola get him him a fucking cola. I love those old stories. This guy, Jesse Pop, great comic. He started writing for Kona. Yeah, funny guy, hilarious. But he was at some show in Michigan, and the headliner was like this classic hack, you know, bag, like literally a briefcase full of props and jokes and tricks.

And Jesse Pop is featuring. He gets off. The host goes back on to stall because the headliner isn't there yet. He runs in with his bag of tricks. He's got a trench coat with a rubber chicken in it, the whole thing, and rainbow suspenders, and he goes, I'm here, I'm here, I'm ready.

Okay, what's the mall in this town? What's the mall? And Jesse goes, the Starline Mall. And he goes, all right, Starline Mall. He's got an opener about the mall, the local mall. So he's sweating. He goes out there, and he goes, hey, everybody, I was at, Starline Mall. He's got an opener about the mall, the local mall. So he's sweating. He goes out there and he goes, hey, everybody, I was at the Starline Mall today.

And Jesse goes, oh, shit, that burned down five years ago. So the crowd's like, boo-hoo, my uncle died in that fire. He went from prop comic to edgelord in a second. Yeah, and the whole room just turned on him. And he did like an hour after that to silence. He's just Anthony Jezelnik now in suspenders. Yeah, people being pulled out in blankets and women crying, and there's like a candlelight vigil.

That's so good. Watch the live-on. It was pretty hot. Yeah. Jesse Popp was so funny. I mean, I remember he had a bit. This was like right the Huck Finn controversy. You remember the whole, you know, N-word gym thing? Sure. Yeah. He was the first guy I heard do a bit, this was like the Huck Finn controversy. Remember the whole N-word Jim thing?

Sure. Yeah. He was the first guy I heard do a bit like this. He was like, do they censor N-word Jim? Do you censor art? Do you censor old books? And he goes, N-word Jim. He goes, I got a crazy idea.

How about just calling him Jim? That was such a great, that was right in front of all of us. Yeah, he was great he had a million of those where you're like oh that's so good um yeah the worst i guess the worst heckle but it was my fault did i ever tell you this the story i was i was at a for the first four years i was just performing at pizza restaurants but in the back of pizza restaurants in indiana i don't know why that was just the market yeah and uh and i'll have this show and you know how when you're younger you want to be edgy but you're also like don't have the confidence

so you're like a little kid with a gun yeah i'm gonna say the c word i don't know how to use this you know which by the way very relatable in indiana yeah exactly there was some kids with guns in the audience and i was doing a joke about um sids which is like, that's a hard joke for me to figure out now. Sudden infant death? Sudden infant death syndrome. That's like the hardest, like I wouldn't do a joke about that now. Right.

And this was like, I was like four months in, it's like time to take on SIDS. You know, I've gone through the ropes. Now it's really, I really got to challenge. I'm like four months in, it's time to challenge myself. See if I can get the audience back on my side. It's like, how about I try to get them on my side in the first place? So I go up and I do.

I was probably a couple years in. It was a couple weeks ago. But I was doing a Sid joke. And this one guy was grilling me in the audience. And like really grilling me. And even then, I'm such an asshole. Oh boy. I'm not even like i'm just like what the

fuck's your problem yeah i mean while papa john's in the back going you didn't say the n-word no that's uh i did it too dude i did that early shit where like well you're just trying to provoke a crowd right because you're just trying to get you're not funny but you want i'd rather be memorable right but so i so what what are you what you don't like the joke and he goes we had a kid who died and i just go straight into like my cleanest material i'm just like uh man you ever been to the airport and gas prices and i'm so fat and oh i overdrafted yesterday just doing like my cleanest stuff you know what i mean and uh and after like 30 minutes i guess i kind of get them back a little, you know?

And then afterwards, I go up to the guy and say to his wife, and I'm like, I'm really sorry. And he goes, I was just joking. I'm like, that's the best heckle ever. What a badass. I do want to see that Fallon set where you do just like all like sponges are weird. Then you get to your closer. So, Sid, what do you guys think? Dead babies, huh? to see that balance that we do just like all like sponges are weird then you get to your closer so uh sit what do you guys think dead babies huh but that taught me a lesson too it's like don't do a

joke if if people get offended you're gonna crumble right if you're gonna you can do a joke about whatever you want but don't fucking but be prepared to stand behind it if you can't stand behind it because i deep down i'm not like deep down i i want people like me and i'm not like yeah same there's some things where i'm like you know i'll do a joke i think it's good but but overall i don't want people to hate me so like if they do i'll i'll crumble so it's like i just can't do those jokes we always talk about that group that's like the comic is like i walked half the room i'm the real deal and you're like that sucks yeah i remember there was a comic who did that when i was young, and this article was like, but the real people stayed. And I'm like, no, the real people left.

You've got to perform for everybody. They're all real people. Right. Exactly. And that's like civilized for them. Those are the good people. To not like a joke, to not like a comic, and then just leave is kind of the civilized thing to do.

Yeah, that's true. You're both yelling shit out. And I'm sure the club loves that too. Like, oh, thanks, asshole. No, it's tough because you learn when you're younger you learn you want to be and these are great comics like doug stand up and bill hicks are great comics but part of being a comic is learning not to be too influenced by them because they're yeah they're their own thing and like but here's the problem is like you want to like you could have a great sid's joke yeah

it's possible like what's that guy, Junior Stopka? You know him? Yeah. He's got that brilliant joke. I hope I'm not giving it away, but he says, the Holocaust actually had a lot of retarded people in it. Oh, that joke's great. But there's no photos because they're all smiling.

Yeah, that's a great joke. And you're like, damn, that's fucking brilliant, but obviously dark as hell. But what about when he had to figure that joke out? Yes, exactly. And that's the hard part about these edgy jokes is like there's brilliant amazing smart age jokes that people love well yeah but they had to play with it you have to play with it stanhope is also like he would

have been a great clean comic yeah true i mean so it's like he happens to be this type of comic young comics learn the worst the they make the shit look easy and then yes not and then young comics think it's easy and you should be able to write clean when you're starting even if you're not a clean comic I mean Dave Attell will write a great clean joke killer clean stuff I guess I learned this from Louis

it's true for all the great comics you gotta have variety in your act so if you have variety you should have clean material just from the sense of having variety you know what mean it's you know you just shouldn't have fuck that dude i'm doing an hour of fisting jokes it's crazy but louis also said something that i also like really stuck with me is that like logic if you can stand behind the logic of the joke i love that if you can stand yeah i completely agree

with that stand by the logic even if it feels offensive if in your head you're like logically yep i'm making a solid point if you can do that then even if people get offended you can still stand behind that and it can help the way the audience perceives you because you're like look i'm just making a point what's a good example well my sid's baby joke lacked logic i think i was like fucking the dead baby in the joke and i'm like there's no logic. What's an example? I got a bunch of these, these logic jokes. Well, like, you know,

the guy goes, I don't see color. And I go, well, I'm black. And he's like, no, you're not.

And I'm like, ah, so it's a cute joke, but it's, you said it. So I'm going off your, your sentence. And you're using the logic.

Like you're, you're not trying to, in another sense, you're not trying to offend people. No, no. I think most like, I'm trying to think what other like.

But we go off gut reaction so much now that it's a bummer. A lot of those jokes are, I saw something that I disagree with. Let me break down why this is stupid. And that's a logic joke. It's kind of a social norm that we all accepted, but it is flawed. And here's why. Right, right. Well, I guess, I mean, not to keep on corny, but I guess a logic joke for him that is offensive is that joke he does where he's like uh uh during the covid there's

every every it was like three thousand people died and they're like every day it's another 9-11 and he's like when do we start gauging death by 9-11s yeah like the holocaust was like 400 9-11 yeah he's like the not 9-11 wasn't that bad it was just one and it's like that's something that's offensive but you're like if you get called to task you're like there's logic there i'm not trying to offend you know yeah i love i love jokes that's what a great thing about comedy is you get to kind of tell that truth and not be an asshole i mean you could be considered an asshole but i'm like it's just what is right you know it's a good thing to it's not just simply like what's it's a good thing to, it's not just simply like,

it's a good thing for you personally to think about if people get offended. Like, if you're on stage and people get offended, I'm like, in your head, just be like, no, no, no. I'm following the logic here. Right. You know, and that's a good way to react. Sorry, it's just, you know. Yeah, my old joke.

Women will always be like, when Caitlyn Jenner was new and fun and everybody's like, loved her. Oh, I love Caitlyn Jenner. She's so beautiful. And I go, well, you look like her and they go fuck you perfect you know but when i was thinking my dad's acceptance by the way that we that we don't like her for who she is right yeah good point good point acceptance yeah i would say ellen was was pushed back on she was gay and now she's a cunt that is that is a quality yeah exactly i'm not saying she's a cunt but i'm saying no i mean you should see people as like yeah you should be annoyed you should be able

to be annoyed by content of their character the problem is is that like most people in any group are just awful because most people are awful so it's just like it's just like anytime you talk shit about someone like you're racist like no no just most people in every group are shitty yeah yeah and you're shitty too you just haven't gotten caught exactly yeah especially people in power they're just you're just gonna be an asshole did i cut you off there come on i was gonna say didn't someone uh object to one of your jokes this weekend and speak to you i like the formality object i object like after every joke you're like if anyone has any objections to this material stand up or forever lawyer i do

declare objection your honor there's no logic behind this joke so i've been bringing this up a lot because it's a fascinating debate and i'd like to hear what you guys sure your input so we'll deliberate real quickly yeah yeah yeah um recess no. So I have a joke with retard in it, and a woman was just not laughing the whole show. And I kept, you know, when you're doing well, but one woman in Kentucky, one woman was like just, and I'm like, oh, you almost smiled. Hey, almost got a smirk out of you. And that's killing, just calling her out. And then I keep fucking with her, and I'm like, is she laughing?

And they're like, she's not laughing. You know, they're loving it. And we had a good time. And then I'm selling merch after, like a fucking sellout. And she comes up. And I'm like, oh, she's probably going to chit chat and want to buy a shirt and make amends. And she goes, would you say the N-word on stage? And she said the word.

She said it? Yeah, yeah. She said it? It's Kentucky. Yeah. She said it. I feel like the person who's offended by the first one and not the second one.

That's a good. Isn't that funny? Yeah. So we're already off to a bang. I'm like, oh, geez, okay. But I didn't think twice about it. I'm like, no, I probably wouldn't. And she goes, so why do you say retard?

And I go, well, it's a joke and it gets laughs and whatever. It only works with that word. And she goes, well, I have a Down syndrome kid or whatever. And I was like, well, I'm sorry. But what do you think about the Holocaust joke? She goes, those are fine. And I go, so it's only when it affects you. And she's like, well, it affects me greatly.

And I'm like, I get that. And I'm sorry. But if everyone in line had a son with cancer, a suicide mom, whatever, we could do this all day and then now there's no act yeah and also i mean like the n-word was never the scientific nomenclature for black people the n-word was never like it was never like in that that was always kind of slut that was always kind of like pejorative slang yes yes and we didn't enslave retarded people as well it's just no one first of all whether you you think the R word is offensive or not,

no one thinks it's equal to the N word. Like that N word is not. You need some mentally challenged rappers to take the word back. Yes, and call each other that. Well, it's always like the parents of the kid because they really just, all they want is to be like, you have had a really hard life. I get it, and I sympathize. I've had that too, And I do. I'm with you.

I do sympathize. But now we're just weighing things. Oh, no, no. I don't sympathize. You know what I mean? No, you got me completely wrong. I don't sympathize. No, no, no.

I was just saying, no, I think they're assholes. And they want to be like, they want to stand out for what they're doing. Right. And I actually don't. I sympathize if you have a mentally handicapped children. But if you're going to like openly get mad at someone for telling a joke about that it's like you're kind of just saying i really hate my life taking care of him and i want this to be appreciated it's like it's just like you want to be acknowledged and that's like just love your

fucking kid sitting in the front is tough too because like if she was in the back i don't think it would have and it wouldn't have affected the show at all yeah but when you're in the front is tough too because like if she was in the back i don't think it would have it wouldn't have affected the show at all yeah but when you're in the front and you're looking for a reaction like she doesn't have to laugh at that that's okay to not laugh at that but then making it a thing that's kind of where making it a thing is where i yeah obviously anyone can be offended by anything you have a right to be you have a right to not find something funny but when you're like making it a thing costing the person you're being a fascist because on a sense you're making it a thing, costing the person, you're being a fascist. Because on a sense, you're saying, I want everyone subjected to what I value as being untouchable. But that same person is setting themselves up for hypocrisy. Because that same person who says, don't make jokes about that, is going to laugh at something else that someone else thinks you shouldn't make jokes about.

Yes. The Holocaust is worse than your mentally challenged son. Yes. And not by a little i can tell you that's by like a by like a shit mentally challenged people who died in the holocaust i mean unless their kid was jewish too like like like there's more minorities in the one than the other but like it's just like yeah but i just think it's like yeah if you if we did what everyone wanted like you said there would be no jokes yeah and uh and they just get bad because like obviously mentally challenged kids wouldn't get mad mentally challenged people would get mad by that joke no they would laugh

i mean they laugh at everything yeah but they would laugh uh but like it's just it's to me that's more like that's more just wanting acknowledgement in an arrogant way. And just, here's the thing. And like, why'd she line up for the shirt? Yeah. She wanted a moment. Of course. She wanted to be like, here's where you went wrong. Here's the thing.

Just because you have a men, look, having a mentally challenged kid is hard and it's a noble job, but just because you have one doesn't mean you're not already an asshole. Of course. You know, anyone can have a mentally challenged kid. I'm an asshole. I could have one. There's no like. Maybe that's why she had God smited her.

Yeah. So it's like if you have a mentally handicapped kid, it doesn't mean you're not a prick. Just like if you get offended by any joke and stand up and get offended. Yeah, I get it. But you're a prick. Just like most people are pricks. It also doesn't help that my merch is helmets.

Give her one for free. I gave her one. I signed it. With the N I signed it. With the N-word on it. She was also late to the show, and I said, hey, you're tardy. Okay, we're having fun. The way that those are the ones who wear helmets, I feel like their heads are the ones we should give them.

Well, we lost her as a member. She was on the Patreon. Thanks a lot it is true it's like a little too late yeah i'm sorry i my brother's mentally handicapped there you go so is my son no you little asperger's all right who't these days? Every time he sees like that. Hey, yeah, you can say it. That's what you should have said.

Oh, you're right. You want a tit for tat of a, what do you call it? Affliction. I could say it because I use Asperger's to get out of conflicts. There you go. Didn't Kevin Spacey do that? No, he said gay. He said I'm gay, yeah.

He said I'm gay, but he was accused of underage, Yeah. Which I'm like, yeah, that's not gay. Yeah. No one's ever been like, you homo, when you catch a guy with an underage. That's not the problem. Jeffrey Dahmer's like, look, I'm gay. I'm gay. All right, no, it's a problem. I'm gay, and I have sex with men.

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Yeah, he said it like it was the string in a parachute. Like, I'm gay. I'm out. That was a tough one. Yeah, he did gay. It's also Norman's catchphrase. I'm gay? Oh, yeah.

Maybe it was just a Norman fan. Yeah. It had nothing to do with the apology. It was just like, was terrible i didn't do any of that yeah okay follow mark norman as he yeah as he got arrested he actually said comedy yeah ben ladd was a huge fan he kept saying praise allah they got it from you that's a weird twist you know some kid told me he saw a kid at an open mic go i'm kevin hart i'm like what the fuck yeah like that's a weird thing to steal because it's i don't know steal a joke and go i thought of it but that i'm like come on at least

say someone else yeah you should say i'm mark norman oh hey that's not bad um well yeah big i mean first off do you have peeves oh yeah yeah i got peeves. Mentally handicapped kids. Yeah, what do I got peeves? I tried to write some down today. You got one? I got plenty, dude. Okay, what? Yeah, I was- Should we get to Bill Maher music playing?

New rules. New rules. I kind of need that music to get- I need the music to get like Ralph. Man, he gets the easiest applause breaks in comedy history. He's like, so I stepped in gum. And he gets the maddest in his crowd ever. I know.

He's murdering for like 20 minutes. One joke gets a bomb. He's like, oh, okay, liberal pussies. I'm like, they're your fans. That's actually a pet peeve, but we'll get to it. All right. Right there. This thing where it's like comics who think they're edgy.

I don't know, but Bill Maher, whatever. I think his show is good. His show is good. I'm not talking about Bill Maher. His show is good. Some of the jokes are not great, but his show is good. He makes some good points. But just outside of that, I just mean comics who think they're edgy

when really the joke is just not that great. Not great, yeah. And then they think the audience is just sensitive. Yes. And they just go through their whole life not realizing they're just not that good of a writer. You don't And then they think the audience is just sensitive. Yes. And they just go through their whole life not realizing they're just not that good of a writer. You don't get it. Yeah, they're just sensitive.

They're just like, you know, like, they're like, I want to rape every Jew in the Holocaust. Oh, I guess you're all sensitive. It's just like, what are you? I was fucking a baby corpse the other day. Oh, okay, San Francisco. Yeah. They always do that.

They're like, I think Hitler was really right about everything. Oh, I guess you're not World War II buffs. Yes, yes, I do do that. I think slavery made some good points. Okay. Okay. Woke crowd. So it's like-

Triggered. And that is the- Triggered. It's a challenge when you have jokes that are edgy. Yes. And you think they're good because you're like, didn't work is it because right is it because they're pussies or is it because it's not that good of a joke and i do think once the joke is good it will work yeah i mean i agree i think you i think that's thing the edgelord like the edgy but not that

edgy and then blaming the audience for sensitivity sure that's that's that's a new rule i hate the flip side of that too which is uh hey uh where where are you from the guy's like uh new jersey he goes whoa okay man geez why are you yelling at me it's like he's he's on the spot he's not a comedian he said new jersey he said it kind of erratically and now you're you're mad at him yeah i hate that the where are you from is also a pet peeve oh yeah i just need an example but yeah yeah anything like that uh you guys uh you guys married no we're just dating oh okay what are you waiting for yeah like okay i gotta pee i gotta crazy yeah okay i'll do it as bill muck okay people i know i'm sitting on the train it It's hot as balls. The train's not air conditioned.

Already a peeve. Yeah. That's like a big peeve right now. That's a problem. Dude, it's a sauna in there. Yeah. It's crazy. Dick's out.

Fucking hot as balls. No. But it is hot as balls. I'm on the train sitting down, you know, in one of those two seaters, right? Yep. Dude, she sits down. There's other seats. She sits down right next to me.

She's overweight. Okay. She's down. There's other seats. She sits down right next to me. She's overweight. Okay. She's fat, okay? And then I said it. And she sits down next to me. Sleeveless shirt, too. So there's skin contact. Yeah.

Smushes me in a thing. And I'm like, there were other options. Yeah. I'm annoyed by this. So now I'm uncomfortable. so I have to get up. So now I don't get to sit. I got a lot to say about this. Sure.

Well, first of all, the overweight thing, like nobody has any problem with overweight people. I was a fat kid, yada. But I don't like my son. I'm mentally challenged. My son has Down syndrome. Andy was black. Yeah.

I was black from 8 to 12. I was Indian in high school, and I was a woman in college, so all these jokes are fun. Here's the problem with fat. It's not, no one cares about fat. People are worried about fat, or hate fat. It's the secondhand fat. Like, I don't care if you smoke cigarettes, but when you're smoking cigarettes in my face, now I'm smoking.

So your fat is affecting my life. Second half. Second half, I tried to make this a bit. Okay, people. Okay. But you see what I'm saying? Like, your fat is now my problem. Your fat.

Also, like, and this is a peppy of a joke, like, I don't think you should feel ashamed for being fat, but you don't need to feel pride. No, of course not. It was an aggressive move. I'm smushed like this now and i'm like i can't and

i'm very much in like say the line is here i'm like here there's space to yeah to give i'm i'm purposely you're a thin guy well you know spindly you should be like second hand fat kills can you take your fat outside ma'am 20 feet away from the entrance i should have yelled out rape well yeah uh that was a peeve that's a woman she you know what she's doing she's fat spreading in the entrance. I should have yelled out, rape! Rape! Well, yeah. That was a peeve. That's a woman. You know what she's doing? She's fat spreading.

Oh! Men have the man... Wow. I love it. She's fat spreading. Yeah. Everyone talks about men, which, by the way,

I've never seen in my fucking life. I think that's a made-up stereotype like that. I do it. I've seen it. I've seen it. He's kind of doing it right now. Yeah, I've seen it.

But anyway. I had a flight last week. You would hate me. One time I went to a movie theater and I wasn't thinking and there was only one person in the movie theater and I wasn't thinking and I just sat down next to him. Oh, you lonely loser. Well, I got up. I just wasn't thinking at first.

But that was a fun thing to do. If it was a woman, that'd be a pretty, that's a me too moment. There was no one else in the that's where we're headed that's a great galvanakis joke he's like i like to go on an empty theater sit next to the one guy and go shh i'm trying to watch keanu what movie is it he goes the guy goes what are you doing he goes shh i'm trying to watch keanu that was the tag that's great um he had some great stuff but yeah galvanakifianakis is great. Yeah. Yeah. You know. Yeah.

I guess that's another pet peeve too. It's like some things people have like, like, I think it's great that people don't feel shame for shit. I don't think you should feel shame. I feel shame for being overweight, but that's my issue. You're allowed to, you know, but I think some people, but I think my shame is bad. I think some people like have gone too far and feel pride about shit. I agree. Like I saw someone talk about how they thought their only fans account was just as um important creatively as their stand-up and it's

like well then you're not working that hard on stand-up like it's just like it's one thing look i don't think you should feel ashamed for doing only fans i think anyone if you want to make money make money go nuts but don't act like a nigerian is getting a meal every time you come on camera like don't act like you're doing well you don't know where that money's going. That's true. Philanthropy only fans. Just do it. That would be great if every time you jack off, someone gets...

Oh, we'd have no poverty. But, like, I'm just saying, like, you shouldn't feel ashamed for doing it, but it's still capitalism. Don't fucking, like... I just think there's too many things that people feel proud... We've gone too far the other way yes and shame there should be a middle yeah good point just be just be yeah it's not wrong or good and let us tell you feel shame for being overweight and i don't think people should i'm just saying when it affects anything that is inconsiderate

is when i'm like all right second hand consider it yeah that be considerate. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yes. And by the way, I know some people are going to be like, shut the fuck up. It's the peeve section. We're running out of peeves. Yeah. We're going to have to get to toast.

We're going to have to switch us to toast soon. But it's like, to your point about the pride thing, she has you by the balls now because you could go, hey, Jesus, lady. And she'd go, what are you, fat shaming? What do you hate, fat phobic? Are you a bigot? And you're like, well, actually, you're being considerate. I hate the fat when it's on my lap yeah but uh you're all right there because we've all been next to that person on

a flight where they don't respect space and when it's when you're with that person for a few rides on a subway when you can i can at least get up on the subway on a flight this is your person yeah yeah no it's yeah what we do with bo you know we go like if someone has really bad bo, now it's affecting other people, and now we have to smell your BO. And fat people have really bad BO? Yeah. So they go, oh, I have BO? Sorry. But what's the difference between having BO and affecting you and having fat affecting you?

That's what I'm saying. I was once on a flight. Phil Hanley was on the flight with me. We were sitting across from each other on opposite sides, and I'm next to someone who smells like just absolutely one of the worst smelling people i've ever seen and i'm like let me see if i can pull off the ultimate heist i get up and i and i told her the woman sitting next to phil i say i'm so sorry this is my good friend would you mind switching seats with me diabolical dick move on my part i love it i'm one of her peeves she goes of course she switches as she goes over she gives me a look like, oh.

I saw the moment the smell hit her, and she was like, oh, like, why? And I was like, oops. Because you can't go back. There's nothing you can do. You can't go back. You can't be like, he smells bad. That'd be hilarious. Too bad.

Wow, that's a sketch. That'd be hilarious. He's just like, wait a minute. No, no, no. I didn't realize that he just smells like shit. I want to switch. You tricked me. Wow. That's amazing. You tricked me. I'm not that he just smells like shit. I want to switch. You tricked me. Wow.

You just yelled at that. That's amazing. You tricked me. I'm not to next to that smelly piece of shit. The guy's like, please. You didn't mention that in the offer, that this guy smells like fucking stale shit. Wow. He's just sitting there.

Stale shit. That's a bit. That's a great story. That could be something. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just an asshole in that bit. Well, the smelly guy's the asshole, too, by the way.'m just an asshole in that bit. Well, the smelly guy's the asshole, too.

There's no morals on that plane. It's all for yourself. The rules go out the window on the plane. I was trying to write something. You got to be decent, too. Yeah, of course. But once you move, all bets are off. Yeah, you won that battle.

What are some other pepies I had? Oh, anyone who, the people who, yeah, because I was thinking what you told me, pet peeves. I hate when people tweet out, and I don't even disagree with this line, but I hate when they tweet it out when people are like, if you think the pandemic is over, guess again. Even though, you know what I'm saying? I'm in the middle. I think that's true, but I also think those people should be executed. Because I'm a centrist. Because it's like, you know what you're doing.

You're just trying to create hysteria and upset people because you've made that part of your identity. And it's fucking such. I hate the hysteria tweets. Anyone who's like, yes, again. Why are you trying to upset people? What are you, a pro wrestler? Yeah. It's like you're excited by it.

Yes. If a fucking meteor was coming and we had no choice, you'd still have people tweeting every fucking day. That's so true. This meteor is big news. Quit ignoring it. Yeah. We're just trying to enjoy life for the last 20 days.

I know. And every tweet's like, you can't ignore this meteor. It's coming. It's bigger than we think. It's like, shut up. Let us just enjoy whatever left we have of life yes before these fucking and now the monkey box even if it's fucking serious just like and i'm not saying don't take monkey pox seriously but some people are like this is gonna be so much worse than and

it's like shut the fuck up they're saying hit the panic button on this shit yeah i mean it doesn't help though it doesn't help it doesn't help they get to look better than you too that's also part of it also it's like no one's trying to get monkey box yes no one's like yeah i'll roll the dice no if you see open sores on someone go end the date yeah don't fuck them well the cdc says don't have multiple partners that's gonna work yeah that's gonna that's that's how we're all trying to live our lives. Well, you guys maybe. It's just like, it does feel like God does not want us to get together. It's just like monkey pox. I've got one. Give us a tweet, Peeves Salamanca.

I hate it when people say, I don't know who needs to hear this, but. Oh, that's the worst. Yeah, that is annoying. Yeah. What was the expression before that? Dear. What did they say? You know, you'd say, dear Jeff.

But now it's like, I don't know who needs to hear this. It's just a way of saying, like, no one asked for this, but I'm still saying it. Or attention. Attention blank. Or this. Anyone who goes this and then shares a tweet. I feel like we got to do, like, we did New World. I feel like we got to do the George Carlin.

Those people should be, anyone who tweets this should be put in a port-a-potty and thrown into a river, and that river should be nuked or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Here's another group of people I hope find an inoperable tumor at the base of their spine. And then it's someone who just uses a grammar incorrect. Just guys named Todd for some reason. Like, Jesus. George Carly was equally angry about the war and people who didn't have right syntax.

Yeah. He hated what we did in Iraq, and he hated- Driveways being called driveways. Yeah. And guys in visors. Yes. Man, your rage, really. It's consistent.

Which is funny, by the way, because George Carlin, I know he's the best. He did have a ponytail. That seemed like something that should be on his list. A bald ponytail, too. Yeah, that should be on his fucking list for people who should be hit over the head with a mallet he was that good he was the 90s

Russ Maneve is such a great joke I've quoted him before in this pod he is an underrated joke writer he had a joke where he goes guys who are bald with a ponytail it looks like all their hair got together and hung itself oh that's brilliant that's a great joke here's another group of people whose mom I wish had a healthcare together and hung itself. Oh, that's brilliant. That's a great joke. That is so good.

Yeah. George Cronin. Here's another group of people whose mom I wish had a health care plan that included abortion. That's a mouthful. He had like nine of those. That's a fun album. Yeah, it's a great album.

I saw him when I was at college. He was super old, and I saw him at the theater there. And it was funny because he had it all written down on notes on there. So it was weird to see him look at the notes for something like murderous rage. Just like, here's another person who should be raped by a giant monkey. And just looking at the words. Which special was that to you? Something working out.

I can't remember. I don't remember a single thing from it. I mean, this was like, I was like 19. Did he kill? Yeah. I remember thinking it was a little. I think it was by the time where like you know he got a little angrier than funny oh yeah the last one was really good i like that for you

i thought that was a good one but the one before it was a little i struggle with him because i obviously think he's brilliant but he doesn't really make me laugh like other you know he's peppered in like he's got stuff where you're like, that's fucking hilarious. And then it's 10 minutes. I know. And then people share it and be like, this is brilliant. I'll watch it. He's just rhyming. Yeah.

He's just like reading a poem. And he's just doing word. But someone like Bill Hicks always made me laugh. Sure. Because he's just a funnier character. And he was jokier. I saw Carlin about 05 at the Biloxi Casino. I drove there from New Orleansleans and uh it was bad

it was really bad because first it's a casino second it's mississippi yeah and third he was getting heckled the entire time everybody was hammered and he was going i'm uptown but i'm downloaded but i'm front and center and they were just like oh what the fuck say the same he was trying to work out one of his limerick bits and they weren't. And they were just like, oh, what the fuck? He was trying to work out one of his limerick bits and they weren't having it. And they were like, do the seven dirty words, you pussy. It kind of became Dr. Seuss at the end. A little Dr. Seuss-y. Carlin just up there bombing.

He's like, get this fucking guy a cola. Pro-life, but anti-death. Yeah, he just kind of like, yeah. I don't know. I think it's also, I think he was so groundbreaking. When someone's so groundbreaking, sometimes you watch again, and you're like, there's no jokes. It's just like a statement.

It was cute and clever and fun. He did a Tonight Show. There's so many good specials. Of course. I'm a huge fan. I can do his whole album, his whole catalog. I think you know what it was sometimes? There are bits of it I think are brilliant.

I think it was so right all the time that sometimes i think to be really funny you have to be a little wrong you know what i mean i think it was kind of on the money uh provocative stuff that's true when you think about like how he got excited by multiple people dying yeah shit we're like jesus i know i know i mean he called feminist cum catchers he called eddie murphy the n-word like he went he went for. That bit's pretty amazing. Of course they don't care. I love that joke. I sent that to you, and you're like, I don't know about that one.

I was like, this is gold. It's hilarious, but it's one of those jokes where you're like, that's not flying today. That was part of the fun. But I mean, obviously, the abortion joke is one of the best ever. I mean, his bit about the planet's going to be fine, we're the ones dying, is one of the most insightful. That's like 11 minutes. Yeah, that's one of the most insightful things ever. Yeah, plastic bags.

Yeah, that's a great bit. Because that is true. We're always like, the world's ending. It's like, not really. No, we're ending. Yeah. We're going. Worlds are going anywhere.

Mountains are going to be fought. The mountains ain't worried about climate change. He's also one of those brilliant guys where liberals and conservatives on Twitter are like. Misinterpret him. They misinterpret him. And they claim him. He's like the Bible. Yeah.

Where they're just like, this is what he meant. And I'm like, I don't know if that's what he was saying. Liberals are sharing that Edward bit we just talked about. Exactly. Exactly. And liberals are sharing the abortion bit. See, he said it. What can I say? Yeah, he does he does work for uh for everyone um what are the other pet peeves oh well i do a

bit about this but i do think hot people using body positivity is something that i really like hate like hot people posting pictures where they're really hot on instagram but then acting like they're brave about it like is that happening? I feel like that happens. Oh, wow. I see that. Really? Just being like, I'm no longer ashamed of this mole on my knee. Oh.

Perfect body. Shut up. I'm trying to masturbate. I know. Jesus Christ. Feel more shame. Can't get up with this pride. I feel shame.

You want to hide that mole on your knee, get on your knees. The problem with pride, it really keeps you from coming. Not me. I jerk off to the gay flag. Yeah. By the way, can someone send us a Joan Rivers and a George Carlin on a wall of death here?

Oh, how do we not have a Carlin? I can bring in an album. Oh, shit. I've been saying they should do this at clubs for years. You know how comic clubs have the picture on the wall? I think they should always put the picture of the people who died on their own wall. Yeah, yeah. Oh, is it a death wall?

Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah, Norman, he's going it a death wall? Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah, Norman's, he's going soon. Yeah, I got AIDS. Oh, Norm looks so weird in that picture. Why? It's a great photo. There's like a light from like a light shining on him in a weird way.

He was an underrated handsome guy. Oh, young Norm is very handsome. Good looking. Matt and A, good looks. I like how you only put the dead comics you like. Like I'm thinking about all the dead comics. I like Panette. I like Louis Anderson. I like, yeah. No the dead comics you like. Like, I'm thinking about all the dead comics. I like Panette. I like Louis Anderson.

I like, yeah. No, we got to get more. But where do we send, where do we tell them to send stuff, Matt? 251 West 39th Street. You got to get Gilbert. You can't have Bob and Norm without Gilbert. We need Gilbert, too. Love Gilbert.

Love Gilbert, yeah. That was a great doc. People send these in, man. We're not. Oh, they send them in. Oh. Uh-huh. I picked up one of the prior ones, for eppin rodney baby we got we had paulie walnuts before he died this one might be bad luck oh yeah one of the great moments in sopranos you you love

sopranos like we do i do too i was some i was listening to like someone's doing impression of a scene the other day on video they were doing a good impression they're doing impression paulie walnuts and james gundolfini but the lines themselves they were doing was from the movie and it or the show just made me realize like how fucking funny that show is and yet they play it for straight the whole time yeah and yet the lines on the page are like fucking hilarious so funny it was like a scene where they're like have to re-dig up an old body and they just start reminiscing about that, like the good old days of when they murdered him. And it's so funny, but that whole show is just, like comedy played completely strange.

Yes. You know what I mean? We always talk about the intervention for Chrissy. Oh, yeah. That scene, I'm on the floor. One of the funniest scenes of all time. I also think about, I think we've talked about it, but the episode where Michael Imperioli

takes the acting class. Oh, yeah. That's the show. I know, I know. Which is a great show've talked about it, but the episode where Michael Imperioli takes the acting class. I mean, that's the show. I know, I know. Which is a great show, but I mean, you know. Oh, yeah. There's so much. There's so much there. Yeah, but that intervention scene when Pauly's like.

Incredible. We're trying to be constructive. Fuck that. Yeah. Let him take his medicine. You're weak. He calls his mom a whore. But it's so detailed, that scene.

And that's the thing. It could have been broad in a bad way, like analyze this, and it's not. And it created its own tone, where it's like, on one hand, it's a mobster telling someone they're weak during an intervention, which seems like a sketch.

Sure, right. But it's not so real to the point where one of the most real moments in that scene is when Gandolfini finds out he killed a dog. Yes. Sure. You know what I mean? Right. But it's not so real to the point where one of the most real moments in that scene is when Gandolfini finds out he killed a dog. Yes. And he's like, you killed Little Cosette? The fact that you know Tony Soprano would know the name of the dog.

Yes. He's a sociopath. And he just loves animals. Exactly. And he's always a sociopath. He loves animals. So he just always knows everything. So when he's like, you fucking killed Little Cosette?

Yeah. He can't let it go. He keeps bringing it back. It's just comedy gold. I mean, the thing about that show that I think the detail in the dialogue, the history of people's lives in the dialogue is like unmatched. I mean, I remember there's one scene where she has a crazy roommate in college. Yeah.

And the girl just at one point just says I feel like they should teach this in class she just says I really miss my ferret and it's just perfect yeah she would have a pet ferret but you're like any other screenwriter would put like cat or dog but they're like this minor character

and you're like and the pet ferret because she's a weird person it's just perfect and the kids are just so well written and you're like that's a pet ferret that's a great observation because she's a weird person you know it's just perfect like the show is just full of and the kids are just so well written

I know there's a scene I love the scene where Jamie Lynn Sigler you know they're trying to punish her and she's like whatever

and she runs and Carmella has some line along the lines of like what are we going to do when they realize we're powerless yeah I know

like there's nothing we can really do you're like holy shit they nailed the home life on a level that humanized him yeah I also think it's the only show i mean some people probably i think it's the only show where both the husband and wife are equally interesting i think most shows one of the one of the characters is usually way more interesting you know i mean i

like breaking bad but that wife's a dullard you know what i mean there's usually there's usually one character even in the best shows but that's the one show with that. She's kind of a wet blanket. Yeah, yeah. Just let the guy sell some meth. I don't know.

Have you seen Young Sheldon? No. You pointed out something to me that blew my mind about how it's the only show with that much character development. Like Ralphie, you know what movie

every character likes. Yeah, that's the thing. Which I've never thought of. Gladiator. Gladiator. So him. That's one of the great details of the show. You literally know what everyone likes movie every character like yeah which i've never thought of gladiator gladiator which is so him that's one of the great details of the show you literally know what everyone likes you know they all fuck yeah you know that richie likes to fuck with a gun to her head you know that ralphie likes

it in the ass yes but knowing what people like the only other thing that's similar to that is big lebowski where you know what everyone is interested in right right but like in sopranos like you know gandalfini loves the history channel yeah stuff you know he everyone is interested in. Right, right. But like in Sopranos, you know Gandolfini loves the History Channel, Hitler stuff. You know he loves W.C. Fields, Cagney. Yeah. You know, The Godfather. You know he likes Godfather 2 more than Godfather 1

because they go back to Italy. You know Carmela likes certain books, whatever the movie she's watching. Totally. Remains of the Day or whatever at one point. You know what they all are. You know the kids at the South Park. It's just like seeing what someone likes

which is very rare in movies because most movies the characters aren't really seen that detailed in a real way. It really makes you feel like a connection. I love it so much. It's the best show. It's the best show where actually the first season I think it's still the best season. Wow. You think? And I still think it's the best show.

What do you think of the scene of the pines with the Russian guy, the Green Beret? It's interesting. I love that episode, but a lot of people are like, I didn't like that one. Well, you know there was a scene they deleted where they go to the, I guess it reveals what actually happened. There's a scene where they go to the guy, the head of the Russians, and the guy who they shot is there. He made his way back, but he's kind of brain dead. Oh, interesting.

He can barely talk, yeah. And he's in a little plastic thing on his head. And so from the perspective of the screenplay, that guy did survive. And if you watch it, actually, you can see it's not like... I don't think it's definitely a kill shot, yeah. But they definitely intended for him to be uh it's probably better to leave it open though i know didn't imperioli write or direct that one i think he did actually

buscemi direct buscemi did yeah imperioli directed some other ones i think but buscemi directed that damn yeah listen to some of their podcasts and imperioli is great yeah oh yeah it's like them him and uh what's his name steve sciarrappa yeah yeah no cool told me that he he worked uh a club that steve sherepa managed in the 80s i heard it's scary yeah it was a casino and dana by the end told me he was like sick of the gig so he just went on stage with his underwear over his jeans and didn't address it and just did his act just as like a fuck you to the club and i guess after he got off stage uh steve shpper walks up to him and he goes, you disrespected me.

You disrespected the club. And like, he is that guy. I think from what I've read about him, he's actually much scarier. Cause that's like the nicest guy. And you're right. It's Sopranos,

even though he does kill someone. He murders people. But he feels bad. Yeah. Yeah. But like, he's nice to junior. Yeah.

No, he's definitely the nicest guy on that show. This is Bacala. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. His dad rules. I think he's like to Junior. Yeah. No, he's definitely the nicest guy on that show. This is Bacala. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His dad rules. I think he's much scarier. But that's kind of funny that he did that. I once on a show, this is the early days, which is just the worst early days.

You're just having cancerable moments every second. Yes. I thought it would be really funny to go on stage with one, my zipper down and one ball hanging out. I thought it would be so funny just the idea in my head i was like it's hilarious idea that someone doesn't know a ball is hanging out of their zipper yeah but what i didn't realize it's funny that took me this to realize why this joke wouldn't work is that there's no moment where i'm like see right because the people have to just look and be like is his ball out yeah and so it's just like a weird turn yeah there's no turn

and there's no moment where they realize that i'm in on it yeah yeah you know i mean so there's no moment where i'm like gotcha so i'm just doing jokes and they're just like you're just doing dead baby jokes with a ball yeah they're just like yeah and they're just watching like like is that a ball that's why that guy got strangled it is a ball it's not a ball i would take my balls yeah but so anyway so no that's what i learned from you sometimes you just gotta take your ball out on stage to realize that it's not gonna work but you need you need to learn you need to workshop yeah you got a workshop and i have a photo of ari at denver comedy works with he's got huge balls and they he pulled him pulled him out no shaft and he's doing a set and i have a photo of it in case he ever fucks me over joe used to make fun of me because i've been complimented on

my balls being big and he's like he tried to do a bit he has a lot of bits about me being he does have a few bits about yeah he's like i wrote a bit about you and then it's all stage like i got a friend who's so ugly. Yes, he does. I've heard those. But he said that if someone compliments you on having big balls, it means you have a small dick. But I don't think so. No, you can have big balls. Two things can be true.

I don't think my dick is that small, but I do have big balls. Separation of balls and dick. Right? They're not. It's not like you have one dick right next to another dick. It's different things. Yes. You know? Yeah, very different. Maybe I have to another dick. It's different things. Yes. You know?

Yeah, very different. Maybe I have a small dick. I don't know. Whatever. What an ending to this episode. Call in if you think it's small. We should get a phone in here that could rig and it's just your mom. It just doesn't work.

We should get one of those duck phones. Remember those?ack oh yeah oh hey look how cute oh yeah yeah jimmy i'm talking about oh yeah no he's uh yeah that actually is a mannequin he wasn't in the room um oh yeah those are my dates from like last year you put the good ones up i see. My mom texted me the other day. I posted it, but she said, this was the best of your shows. I still don't like the leg joke. But other than that, she's trying to write peg. Oh, that's adorable.

That's your special. No, no, no. She just saw me the other day, and I did the peg thing. But it's funny. You did the getting peg joke in front of your mom hell yeah jesus that's impressive i uh but yeah it is it is i never thought i'd get to a point in my life where i now know my mom tried to type peg and it auto corrected and she said it to me it's just like an interesting probably for the best it auto

corrected you don't want your mom sending those texts out it is crazy i do talk about getting fucked in the ass with a strap on yeah i don't know how you do that yeah and she doesn't like dirty language well you yeah what were you thinking was that like a fuck you mom no i just don't when my parents come i just do my act and like leave the cards on the table yeah i just i don't like changing shit for people coming no i don't yeah i don't either but i mean there is a bit i talk about like my mom's pussy i didn't do that one ah okay i guess it'd be weird if she was like i love the peg joke why didn't you do the one about my pussy you've gotten soft do you change your material if your parents oh yeah oh really i don't but i

only had one it's funny i did one when i did the beacon my parents came i did one joke about my mom that i don't think she enjoys uh and i asked my therapist who was sitting behind her any reaction and i goes i don't think she liked that one. Wait, your therapist was sitting behind her? Yeah. That's hilarious. That's like some symbolism or something. He just wrote back, maybe it's your mother. But the funny thing is the joke didn't even make the special. So I'm like, I probably didn't have to do that. It'd be hilarious if your therapist the next session was like,

by the way, your mom wouldn't stop fucking talking to me. I had to strangle her. I tried to kick her out. We've got to wrap this cause Mark's got a gig oh yeah should we do a quick bit or just plug gigs what do you think well

I mean if we do a one line or each we can make it maybe you just do a bit cause you're the guest you do a bit do a bit I've been doing this

since something new right yeah undone undone I've been working on this joke about how I'm like walking with this girl

it's a true story i'm walking with this girl in new york and there's like a homeless guy jacking off in a cardboard box and she's like i've never felt so violated and i was like you feel violated we just walked through his room unannounced oh i like that you know imagine if you're masturbating and like a couple just barges in like uh yeah gross disgusting, disgusting. I've never felt so violated. That's a good point. But the part I try to work on, then I go, and this is, I guess, where it doesn't work. I go, granted, if someone barged in my room while I was masturbating, I'd probably stop masturbating.

I wouldn't just watch them while they're walking. Then I'd do it. But that part doesn't do it as well. What about the chutzpah on her thinking it's directed at her? It could be directed at you. That's true. Yeah, exactly. It probably was, yeah.

Interesting. But, yeah, so that's something I've been doing. That's been doing okay. It's kind of a genius, diabolical move on the hobo's part because he has the upper hand. I really thought you were going to say a genius bit. I was so excited. Oh, sorry. I like the bit.

But it's a great bit. But it's funny that he's like, hey, well, this is where I live. You're coming in. Well, that's the part. I've been trying to explore it. It doesn't work. But I guess I've been trying to say, like, it's not. And this is the thing I can't formulate very well.

But, like, people get grossed out about people masturbating. And they're like, it's disgusting they're doing it in public. And it's like, but that's all they have. Right. There is no private. And it's actually not wrong that they're masturbating because everyone masturbates right it's wrong that they don't have walls around them yes for woke people like you have wall privilege yeah exactly it is wall privilege it is if you think it's fucked up build up a house because build that wall because you're

like new rule yeah if you rule because it's this it's hypocritical to get a uh grossed out by someone masturbating when you also masturbate every day you just have a house right well i i don't know i don't know that's gonna hold up in court i said this on stage i was like i don't think this is i was like it's not funny but it's a good point but i was like i don't think it's a good point either maybe compare it to shitting or another thing that's like also we all do that's private right you know yeah like where do you shit because he was mcdonald's bathroom that's where. Right. You know? Yeah, like where do you shit? At a McDonald's bathroom. That's where you should be jacking off. Yeah, because if it was, the sexual component changes it.

Right. Because if he was shitting, you go, oh, this poor guy. He doesn't even have walls. He's got to shit in public. But if he's jerking off, you're like, what a creep. And you're like, it's the same thing. It's the same thing. You're sexual.

Yeah, you're just sexual. And you do it. You do both. Both are needs. Yeah. And also, it's like, the only good thing about being homeless is you can't get canceled. Oh, that's great. You can't lose.

That's a great angle. You're not going to take away your box. What does that mean? Take the box? Yeah. You're not going to take away your TV show. They can put you in jail, I guess. That's a home.

It's the backfire. All right. All right. I don't know if that's a home. It's a house, not a home. If anyone walks into a prison cell, home, sweet home. Yeah. All right. Not a home. That's a house. It's a hostel. You walks into a prison cell, home sweet home. Right, not a home, but it's a house.

It's a hostel. You can't get canceled because your life is shit. What? That's what canceling is. Yeah, exactly. You can't bring someone down. So, of course, you're going to jack off in public. If you couldn't get canceled, you'd also jack off in public.

Ah, yeah, good point. And maybe you could do a silly turn at the end to make it a little levity. Like take out my dick and jack off? Well, take one ball out. No. Like you go, maybe this is a good way to stop rent hiking. You know, the landlord comes in and you're like, and he's like, never mind, never mind. Keep the rent.

Keep the rent. It's not something silly. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Just to, you know, tie it up. I'll try. I'll take all those notes. Yeah, take a note.

Make sure to watch Run On Special on YouTube now. Jokes from the Underground. Jokes from the Underground. I taped it at the Comedy Cellar in April. Sally Q's directed it. Brilliant job. I heard your mom gave it an A-. Yeah, she did.

One joke. Not enough peg jokes. Oh, wait. You're talking about Sally Q's? No, no, no. But, yeah, it's on youtube i you know i'm putting it out myself and all that shit and i spent for you spent all my savings on it so uh go check it out it's on my go to my youtube channel i guess ronan hershberg r-a-a-n-a-n-h-e-r-s-h-b-e-r-g

used to be ronan hitler he changed it so check it out it's a kill i saw it live as well and it was one of those like i never get to see you do an hour you know we're all busy doing our own shit and so to see you do a full hour is like this is killer oh so check it out it's been a lot you both check it out and uh bodega cat spirits.com yes please get bodega cat the whiskey is out you can get merch at we might be drunk pod.com the WeMightBeDrunkPod at gmail.com. I got a Netflix special out. Please watch that same time tomorrow. Mark, we're going to be on the road.

I'm all over the road. I'm, you know, Jesus Christ, Richmond, Seattle, Portland, Vancouver, Toronto, New Orleans, New Haven, and Boston. Check out MarkNormanComedy.com. San Jose as well. I got Louisville, Irvine, Omaha, Phoenix, Jesus Christ, New Brunswick, OKC, Springfield, Missouri, Fort Wayne, Indiana,

all over, Spokane, Tacoma, Kansas City, all over, samorell.com slash shows. Watch the special, please. Yes. Appreciate youll.com slash shows Watch the special please Appreciate you guys Yeah I'll be at Comedy on Stage September 27th One of the best clubs in the country And follow me on Instagram

You got new stuff? There you go folks Consummate professional Alright we'll see you. Above the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be drunk