We Might Be Drunk - Ep 94: Rick Glassman & Paper Plane

Episode Date: September 26, 2022

Ladies and Gentleman, Rick Glassman. He is PHENOMENAL, watch his short film here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEZCTUymiUw Subscribe to Rick's YouTube Channel  @Rick Glassman  and listen to Take Your Shoes Off Podcast, great show very funny. Find Mark and Sam on the road near you: http://marknormandcomedy.com/#schedule https://www.sammorril.com/shows Get some shirts: https://www.bonfire.com/store/gotham-production-studios/ Join us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Visit www.betterhelp.com/Drunk for 10% off your first month. Visit http://www.manscaped.com and use code DRUNK for 20% off.

All right, you get out of the way. You want me to do a walk-in? Yeah, please. All right. Christopher. You can keep this in. People see a little behind the scenes, they get excited. See, he's going to take over.

Also, I'm not sure what type of music you want. I could give you some music, but it might be cool if we do like a hip-hop, maybe black and white. If you could like do this shit, we could do it in digital, but if you handheld, yeah, that's cool. And then I think it might be good

if I, I don't know what's going on, but I trust that it's all going to come together. Yes. It's an acting interest. Hey folks, here we are.

We might be drunk. What's shaking? I thought we had a guest today. What the hell? Where is he? Where is he? What are you, painting a house here? That's a hell of an outfit there.

Hey, what's up, man? Oh, shit, yeah. Are we able to do that? I thought you weren't into the handshaking. Okay. I do handshakes for bits. Microphone microphone the ocd leaves you for comedy's sake truly truly it's um so i stopped doing stand-up for a couple years during the holocaust yeah and uh i started back up again in january and i was always wiping the mics and i it made me talk

about ocd which i didn't want to and one day I decided I'm just going to do it and I grabbed the mic and I was just like I'm fine I'm still you know difficult but it bits fucking oh are they flowing in bits over emotional

obsessive responses good for you well you're a creative guy let the juices flow and you're a creative guy. Let the juices flow. And you're a germaphobe. Well, don't say that to my ex-wife. Or say it to... Wait a minute. I don't know what you're talking about.

Do it again. I'm going to walk in. No, we have a good time. We have a good time. It's fun. This outfit is very 90s. I think the 90s are coming back. My lady is dressing 90s.

He had a push for White Man Can't Jump. I think you should have been cast as the Woody Harrelson lead. I appreciate that. No. In White Man Can't Jump. What are you kidding? He jump kidding you can hoop dude really we'll cut to a clip fuck fuck my bad okay have you guys hooped we have my neck's been bad but i'll be ready for you dude ready for me if we hoop it has to be ready for me this is. Ready for me? This would be. If we hoop, you have to be ready for me? This is big. Well, maybe we'll be on the team, the same team here.

Drunk versus shoes off. This is a league. This is epic. He'll take me. He'll take me easily. You think? Oh, yeah, dude. Come on, Manhattanite.

Yeah. B-baller. He'll take me. We've never met outside of a podcast, so we only know each other on camera, so you may think this is me being hyperbolic. Okay. I am so good at basketball really that it's

that you'd be like why did you pick comedy and it's gonna be corny maybe i shouldn't say it all right say it no maybe you know what i'm not yeah i want to hear it you can't pick me oh comedy thank you wow that's beautiful well white man can't jump is basketball and entertainment coming together oh i was rooting for you to get the part. We were together when you told me you were up for the part. Well, auditioning. I don't know if I was up for it at the point. But at this time, yeah.

Blake even told me, friends of Blake Griffin, and he told me that people won't believe that I can't dunk. So it doesn't make sense. Oh, do you 6'3"? Today, yeah. I'm 6'3". I cannot come close to dunking. Really? No. No hops. Yeah. I'm below'3"? Today, yeah. Uh-huh. I'm 6'3". I cannot come close to Duncan. Really? No.

No hops. Yeah, I'm below the rim. I'm like a Z-Bo. You could touch the rim. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I can touch the rim. I can get the net. Yeah?

Oh, yeah. With a boost. That's good. You should put that on reels or shorts. Do you guys wear shorts or reels? What do you think is better for careers? I'm short. I'm both.

I do both. Good. Remember those shoes? They used to make pull these up, Matt for careers? I'm short. I'm both. I do both. Remember those shoes they used to make? Pull these up, Matt. Yeah, the strength shoes. I had them. The ones that you put on, they were like this tall? Yes. Oh, they helped you jump. Moon boots. There's one, I think they're called strength shoes that I used where it's a regular shoe, but then there's this big thing

just on the toe. And you stay off the heels. Yeah, it forces you to stay off the heels. Yeah, those right there, the white and blue but that's it that those ones yeah no i was thinking of something else they're like a whole thing they're crazy are you talking about shoes to make you taller no they help you're supposed to walk around and they just help you jump oh yeah those get a you get a killer calf i don't i don't know if it's because of that or just getting older but i use those senior year of high school. Couldn't dunk. Used them for a few months. Started dunking.

Whoa. That's not necessarily because of this. Yeah. But. Dunking trussel. Dunking donuts. The guy they picked over you. The guy they picked over you for white man can't jump. I don't think he can really play.

You know what? I don't like to speak poorly about other people. But I'm going to be honest. I don't think he's much of a player. Is that Marlo? Who is that? Jack Marlo? Are you a dad? I don't think he's much of a player. Is that Marlo? Who is that? Jack Marlo? Are you a dad?

I don't know. Jack Harlow. Harlow, sorry. I don't know the hip white rappers these days. Harlow, he's a cute, cute kid. Cute guy, but pull him up, play him. He looks like... Admit the form is off.

All right. What's the actor? You know, he's Jon Snow, the brother, the king. Kit Carrington? No, but the other one the one that that dies at the red wedding spoiler alert sorry oh he kind of looks like a um a musician version of that guy oh okay well he's a musician that's all there you go I see world what about it Woody was Woody decent for what he could who really it looked pretty good here's the

thing that Woody could do not to say anybody can't't. Is this the kid? Yeah. All right. Look at the form, though. I don't know. He's like doing this. What is this? Interesting. Woody had unbelievable, has, pardon my French, unbelievable charisma. He's fun.

He's lovable. I don't know much about Jack Marlowe, but I will say, are you sure? That's what I'm reading on the jersey. I know. Oh, Jack's here now. Hey, this is our bartender, Beer Jew. You can walk in front of it. That's such a cool thing that you guys have a bartender

during it. Oh, yeah. I know you're not a drinker, but you gotta have at least a sip of this, because you're gonna love this drink. So I have a work thing in a couple hours. This will help. I did take a little bit of an edible that'll be kicking in soon. Gay porn? I just call it porn but yes there's a lot of mostly men okay well this will this will help you i also think it's important

to acknowledge that that people or we call it this fetish shit or gay porn or black porn or jew porn it's just it's just nobody's watching no one's watching that's that search has never been entered once that That's actually... That sucks. That sucks. Is that what you're going to? But I'm not trying... I don't want to be known as a Jewish pornographic actor.

I see. I'm just an actor who does... That's beautiful. Yeah. All right. Do you identify as a Jew? Yeah. Do you like that as an identifier?

Yeah. Why not? did you choose it no it chose me rick glassman cia chosen people yeah yeah you're you're you're a big peeb i'm i mean i can't get away from it not that i want to but truly i don't want to yeah but i'll tell you what i don't love i i do thank you but what about the you always hear nebbishy short balding you guys are the exact opposite of the stereotype we're tall of the same you got full heads of hair and you're not that nebbishy I mean you got the germaphobe in the neck but it's the neck I got a bad neck yeah you knew that yeah I buy

the neck sounds like a physical attribute but I get it I got some I got some arthritis all around okay yeah we okay. Now we're getting somewhere. I had surgery here, here, and here. Whoa. There we go. Triple hernia, elbow, and shoulder. And boy, are my arms tired. We'll be right back.

Triple hernia? What happened? You lifted a couch? I had a... I got to tell you something. Even though I'm Jewish, I'm so athletic that my hernias are even athletic. Wow. Because it wasn't the intestines.

It's actually called, and look it up, a sports hernia. Ah. hernia oh yeah i had sport if i'm gonna have a hernia let it be sports yeah and while they were there they did the the belly button the belly button yeah were you an audi well i was or a different kind of car i like that they get i like that they get specific with the uh ailments now yeah yeah sports it's like, that's a towel STD. Right. A what STD? Towel. Yeah. Monkey box.

There's a tennis elbow. There's athlete's foot. Those are the big ones. Yeah, Achilles heel. That's just a body part. That's just a thing. There's a lower back.

A knee. Uh-huh. Yeah, there's no bowling finger. Yeah, there's the bowling finger. I have it. Oh, yeah? Should we cut to a clip?

Sure. Can you bowl? Very good. Are you serious? He's a Midwestern kid. That's right. I used to bowl a lot. Not so much anymore.

Arms are tired. But I do have a cool... I almost bowled a perfect game. I did first 10 strikes. First 10 rolls were strikes. I was two away from perfect. That's pretty damn good. I mean, you basically did the perfect game, and you 10 strikes first 10 rolls were strikes i was two away from perfect that's pretty damn good so that's i mean you basically did the perfect game and you couldn't you couldn't get the last yeah no you know when you get that close it makes it a little bit harder

but it taught me a lesson maybe i shouldn't say maybe it's corny come on no come on glassy when you chase perfection you're only going to be disappointed but when you're grateful for what you've accomplished and who you are in that moment, hell, I'm a 288. I'm damn proud of it. 288? It's insane. That's what this is at.

I mean, that's my ex's weight. Is that why? Did you break up with her because she's so heavy? Well, she died. Oh, I'm so sorry. Well, the wheelchair got caught. It fell down the stairs. We got caught on what?

I put a broomstick in the spoke. It's a whole thing. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You killed her? Well, I was cleaning. I in the spoke. It's a whole thing. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You killed her? Wow. I was cleaning. I was sweeping up.

I fell. She, I dropped the broom. It went in the spoke. She went down the stairs. If this were on my podcast, I would pitch to you. We film this. We cut to a clip. All right.

We get an actor to play Norman. We dramatize it. Yeah. He plays the girl in the wheelchair, though. Ah, but Jack Harlow will be me. You know, I rewatched White Man Can't Jump, the original. It's so good. Very, very good.

Woody, not Woody, Wesley Snipes is amazing. He's magnetic. Yeah. Magnetic. What does magnanimous mean? Is it racist? I was just thinking that. Then there's magnesium.

Right, that's not racist. Magnesium is, I think if you call a black guy magnetic because of because you know all the x-men like yeah he's always been white yes because he's repelling against the race although now they're trying to say he's repelling against racism huh yeah it's metal where were you getting racism no no because he's the only x-men that has never been characterized as black because every other incarnation has been a black wolverine has been a black everything i think they're hesitant to cast the villains black sometimes can i say something look at the joker if you if you look at magneto as a villain it's because you're not understanding oppression but he's white he's a

mutant and he's a holocaust survivor i don't care for that term sorry he's a. He's a mutant. And he's a Holocaust survivor. I don't care for that term. Sorry. He's a mutant who was a concentration camp survivor. Got it. And those Nazis must have felt pretty dumb when they got Magneto in there. That's a show I would like to see, by the way. Magneto during the Holocaust. Because he was still a kid.

He didn't understand his powers yet. Right. Do you know this? I didn't know that. He's a survivor? He's a survivor. I didn't know that. Yeah, he still a kid. He didn't understand his powers yet. Right. Do you know this? I didn't know that. He's a survivor? He's a survivor. I didn't know that. Yeah, he's a survivor.

Which is what makes things a little complicated in the universe now because he ages. Yet now he would be 100 years old almost. Right. So it's a little confusing because his storyline is, yeah, he was a Holocaust survivor as a child there. But much like Black, mutant don't crack. All right. He was a Holocaust survivor as a child there. But much like black, mutant don't crack. Now I... All right. I'm just saying, you know, you got these mutants.

They can heal themselves and shoot fire and all this. Why would they age? Right. Some of them do. Oh, okay. A lot of people would call you a mutant with your amazing ability to go up on stage and tell people, you know what you do that I like? You tell it how it is.

Yeah. Try to keep it real up there, you know? I don't want to let the people down. Hey. We got a good shape. What are you making for us today there? So today is my version of our most famous cocktail the paper plane yeah This is our biggest you know that drink. Oh, this is like our biggest hit cocktail so people love it You choose them you you you curate this specific flavors yeah but this is my version of it it's a little lighter because instead of Amaro no Nino I use this thing called Italicus mmm which is like a clear Amaro it's very delicious and very good for like a hot day as well

Amaro Stoudemire and Italicus sounds like a hot day as well. Amaro Stoudemire. And Metallicus sounds like a Jewish scroll or something. Sounds like rock music to me. Nothing else matters. Metallicus. So how do you, are we picking up audio? We got a good room mic in here. You could hear all that? He's got a mic on his apron there. Look at you guys. Yeah. And the chest hair is killing it. You got a good swoop going. Yeah, I got to get a haircut. It's too hot. No. It's just flopping down as soon as I leave the house. The flop works.

I have a question. It's good merch. I used Campari once instead of Aperol. It didn't work. It's a little too bitter. Aperol's a little sweeter on the side. And especially if you're using Amaro already, you already have some bitter notes there. But this stuff is actually delicious.

It's made from bergamot oranges. So it has this really light flavor, but it still kind of has that depth of Amaro flavor. So it's super interesting. We should say for the folks at home, it's about 9,000 degrees in New York City. I mean, Dan's sweating like a Jew at an audit. But I'm glad you're here and i hate this heat

it's brutal magnanimous oh thank you pulling it up is generous or forgiving especially toward a rival or less powerful person i would argue in fact i'm going to so i'm gonna i'll move that away so it doesn't peak magneto is not magnanimous right he's not generous and he definitely ain't forgiving not to not to the weaker human race. Yes, yes. Good point. That's kind of like a big comic when they're nice to the open micers. He's magnanimous.

I was watching you guys, I think it was Ostavros, where you were talking about how now that you're more successful and experienced, you understand not being the most connected to your feature or opening act because you're working and it's tiring. Yeah, we try to bring our own friends. Right. So it's too much work sometimes meeting a new guy or gal and getting to know them. Getting a rapport. You can't have a rhythm of a show you need. When you're on the road as much as we are,

you kind of have to. Yeah. It helps. It also helps the show when you know. I care about the whole show. A lot of the time the person they book is terrific, but it's a gamble. It's a gamble. Gambit.

Played by a black man once. Really? Was he? Yeah. Damon Wayans Jr. From the Bayou. Really? Pitching it.

When we first met on my podcast, the first one we did, I told you about I have, at the time, I think I said 40 or 45 minutes of funny in me a day yeah and like a controlled one exactly and you're saying well just like a runner you got to practice that and work up to get more you should have an unlimited amount and i think this is kind of the point that what you're saying is when you're talking to people in the green room before a show or something it's not that you can't be funny but i do i do believe that energy is finite and as you do it your your energy meter goes down a little, and you only have so much, right? That's why the meet and greet is so hard, because it just sucks the energy.

It's way harder than a show, because you've got to go, hello, get out of here. You don't say. You get the one guy who decides to grab your stomach here for the picture. You're like, all right, dude, come on. The ass grab. You get the headlock guy. You get the spit on you guy. And it just wears on you.

The spit on you guy was it just was gross before covid yes now it's i'm just thinking like i'm gonna get a cold i'm gonna get sick yeah there's so many spit people that didn't realize how gross things were until covid i've always thought that blowing out a birthday candle was gross it was a big big thing thanks for joining us rick yeah spitting all over a cake i'm only have a little sip here. Just have a sip. It's pretty light. It's not going to get you all twisted. It's not going to fuck you up, dude. I mean, you took an edible before a table read?

Is that what you're doing? Whoa, really? Ooh, this is delicious. Best drink, paper plane. I don't know what to call this one yet, because it's a lighter version of the paper plane. I was thinking like the model airplane or something like that. The Wright Brothers. The Wright Brothers.

There you go. What about Comfort Plus? Well, it's a lesser version. Economy paper plane. It's a more expensive version. It's just lighter. Oh, okay. This is fucking delightful.

This is so good. Dude, we need it. First class? I can't wait till we get Bodega Cat or whiskey. We get RTD, those little cans. Yeah, absolutely. Those ready-to-drink cans. Oh, yeah.

We need to do a paper plan. Yes. No problem. Here, here. Yeah. Cockpit. Ooh, that's good. Do you ever do sets where you don't have a drink?

Yeah. Yeah, you know, in the city, I'm not really drinking. But on the road, I don't drink before, but I'll have one during. That's my weird double rule. Literally, like,'ll bring it your first one drink up on stage with you does one drink do anything for you no but it you know it gets the wheels moving i guess what is the wheels moving is it a a sense of ease or is it a sense of silliness it's more of a mental thing of like your brain's going oh we're this is familiar we know it's like one cup of coffee does it really do a lot if you're a major coffee drinker it kind of it gets it going gets

it going did you grease in the pan before the uh the eggs what do you use to grease a pan i go butter yeah you did the spray i thought you were a pam guy no come on pam get out of here that's our publicist but uh no, I go butter. We have the same person who does our publicity stuff, and she's such a New Yorker. Yeah, yeah. I was on the phone with her the other day, and she's like, I want you to do this. I want you to do that. And then she goes, ah, fuck.

And I was like, what? She's like, a bird shit on me. Anyway, doesn't even break conversation. Just keeps going. That's a pro. Mid bird shit. She's so New York. You know, they say a bird

shitting on you is good luck i've heard that and i think i think that's just a really it's almost like a a small version of the origins of religion i feel like where like here's something that maybe scares you or is not good but if we could i guess professionally we call it a spin yeah right but like you know i know you're unhappy but a bird shitting on you is going to bring you great wealth it's a spin you know what a great wealth better than bird shit right you might be a redneck or however it goes well get her done but i think oh sorry i think 80 of everything we talk about tradition is religion and the other 20 is nautical hear me out so you go uh hey god goodbye is god be with you just shortened over the years so that's religious but then you got stuff like oh i'm gonna break the ice which comes from ships coming in breaking the eye the cargo ships would break ice to get to the shore right

so that's i think nautical is big do you think there's anything about being like being captain, being this type of alpha energy where somebody who is good at breaking the ice in conversation is kind of leading, steering the conversation? Maybe steering too. Starboard bow. You got the big circle thing. I actually heard that everything is 80%, which I also heard religion, 15% nautical and 30% physical. Little giants. Oh, wow. Little giants. 18% nautical and 30% physical. Little Giants. Oh, wow.

Little Giants. Good pull. Icebox. You said, oh, Captain. I'm thinking of that. What's that Robin Williams movie, Dead Poets Society? Great movie. Oh, it's fucking so cheesy.

You like it? I love it. It's so fucking corny. As a troubled youth and a guy who needed some guidance. I went to Catholic school. I don't remember it. Oh, it's classic. It's definitely schmaltzy.

It's very huggy-duggy, and the kid shoots himself. Spoiler alert. But reading poems in a cave by firelight, and that's how you seduce girls in high school. I mean, that's what I tried to do. It kind of worked. It worked. Yeah, so we learned what to do with girls from what we watched. I was an American pie baby, so I would go to the library to learn how to eat a girl's pussy.

Oh, yeah. I tried that, too. All those movies always have the older brother who just knew how to eat pussy. Older brothers always know how to eat a pussy. I've never talked to my brother about eating pussy. No. I've never been like, Greg, here's what you do. He's like, I'm gay. There's a book under my bed.

Is there? You wrote a book about eating muff? Yeah. Isn't it just alphabet with the tongue? I did. That's all I learned. I did. I didn't kiss until I was 17, and I was too scared to kiss.

I recently started talking about this on stage, and I get insecure if I say something that I'm doing as a bit in conversation, so I feel like I have to just acknowledge that. Bring it on. We do lots of bits on here. This isn't a bit though i'm gonna less bit it okay uh i bought a book because i didn't know if i was supposed to how to kiss i didn't know if i was supposed to do top lip on top lip and bottom lip on bottom lip or you stagger the lips and i was a little late to like be asking because everyone else was already getting sucked and fucked and stuff yeah so i bought a book but it wasn't about kissing it was kim cattrall's book on how to eat snatch she wrote a book on that oh yeah she really leaned in huh yeah good for her yeah and

then i heard she had a divorce because her ex-husband wanted to fuck her too much what that can't be the reason pull it up pull it up i'm her ex no but gee that's well i mean she had porky she was in she was the chicken porky's who is just like ah uh that's wild. Well, I mean, she had Porky. She was the chick in Porky's who is just like, ah, ah. That's her whole character, the scream. Yeah, exactly. While she gets fucked. She's a very sexual woman. Believe me.

Very sexual. Yeah? Well, I read her book on how to eat pussy. Cost me my marriage. Sexist city divorce. Mark Levinson. Schedule meant she was never home. Wait a minute.

That's a little different. Yeah. That's not what it is. She's a sexy lady. Yeah. I don't know. This is kind of a taboo thing Yeah, that's not what it is. She's a sexy lady. Yeah. I don't know, this is kind of a taboo thing, but I think all women are beautiful. Wow. I hope they don't clip that, I don't want to get in trouble here.

Caitlyn Jenner? She's brave and beautiful. Okay. But you're throwing brave. So brave. When you're throwing brave, usually. When you're a public figure and you finally have the courage to stand up for yourself as opposed to worry about the shame that is projected from society's standards and just go out and do what makes you happy. Listen, if you're not stepping on anyone else's toes or dick or pussy, do what you want.

And I think she can we get a picture up of her? I think she's so she's very attractive. Very brave. Very brave. Good for you. Empowering. Very brave. Man, this is this is an inspirational episode. Yeah. Well for you. Empowering. Very brave. Man, this is an inspirational

episode. Yeah, well, she hates Sarah Jessica Parr. Oh, I thought we were talking about the other girl. Huh? Weren't we talking about... Kim Cattrall. I thought we were talking about Caitlyn Jenner. Oh, sorry. Yeah, sorry. There's too many

women I can't keep track. Tell me about it but kim control your boy had some fucking spicy are you jewish this morning oh yeah i know i was gonna say we need a spot guys get on board give us a little sponsorship pepto i i should have brought you so i have these peppermint pills that are made that's not sustainable oh yeah it is i've been going this hard for yeah but that's because you're gonna keep needing that oh can I tell you something that a lot of people don't realize about stomach acid? Come on. You got the time?

Push it on me. When people think they want to get rid of their stomach acid because that's what's causing the reflux and coming up. But the truth is when you have food, it needs to be submerged under the acid. When you get rid of the acid, what happens is the food is sitting on top and not digesting and it's going to make it worse and worse and worse. Don't get rid of the acid. Peppermint oil.

So you're saying that was a cop out what I just did. I'm saying this is what you're practicing, and now here we are, and I'm offering you a piece of intel that you use as you'd like. So how does he wean off of it? Peppermint pills. Oh. I'm going to look at it. Can we take a note of that? Peppermint pills?

Peppermint pill. I had some spicy diarrhea, and I will say I was on the toilet. I forgot I had a cleaning lady come I forgot she was coming she came like a little early so I thought someone was breaking into my apartment so I ran off the toilet pants down like ah what were you going to do if it was somebody breaking in

I don't know I didn't think that far ahead I just had to act shit all over them well I just had to act and I ran out and I went ah and she goes hi I'm like man I'm so not scary I tried to make myself big like it was out, and I went, ah! And she goes, hi. I'm like, man, I'm so not scary. I tried to make myself big like it was a bear, and I was like, ah! And she was like, hey. Just getting extra hard.

I had to fluff. Were you in boxers, though? I was in my boxers. Oh, okay. But it was down on the butt side. Did you have to shower? I did shower. Right after?

Yeah, yeah. Because did it get a little? No, it was all right. When you it get a little it was alright if you when you fart and a little comes out shart do you consider

shitting your pants if you have to if it's all over your butt but it doesn't get in the underpants yes you gotta you really gotta

let the water go down and you look as you get older the water going down that butt crack it starts to feel nicer and nicer oh it's the best

and I've been wiping I gotta get a bidet cause oh they're a necessity to me I've been wiping. I got to get a bidet. Oh, they're a necessity to me. I've been wiping and getting some pink. Hard to install? Pink as in, no. As in my favorite color.

Blood. Yes. Because you're wiping too hard? Yes, and too often. Do you poop a lot? But I want to clean it. He's got like a fucking gerbil right here. I haven't pooped since I've last seen you, to be honest. Wow. What? Too much acid. It's breakingops all day. I haven't pooped since I've last seen you, to be honest. Wow.

What? Too much acid. It's breaking it all up. I think it's the anxiety. I take magnesium, incidentally, at night. That helps me poop. Helps you sleep, too. I take a certain kind of magnesium.

It's kind of like a cleanse. It's called Mago 7. We'll put it up on the screen. Ah, you're a Mago guy. When it comes to my bowels. Uh-huh. Yeah. Krav Mago.

Talk about a piece of shit. Hey. I don't have a point of view on that alright it's hard to stay on one topic with you because you're all over the place

he buried Ivana on his golf course at the first hole because he got a tax break I guess one of the funniest is that true I heard that you don't

have to pay taxes if it's a golf course or if it's a she's right by the first hole which is also what he called her but uh no she's right by the first hole which is also what he called her but no she's right by the that's amazing

wow what a move that's hilarious is it like a lump in the grass you have to get over like in a putt putt or it's just like her mouth to go through

to get to the hole like those clown teeth yeah and there's a windmill in front of her mouth but we should respect it sure how did she go? Staircase fell.

They're making a 13-part documentary on it. It was an owl. What's it called? The Stairs. What would you name it? I would call it Don't Stare. Good. I would call it Alcoholics Anonymous with an extra step.

Hey, 12 steps. 13. I wonder if she was. Parts. There's some talk about was it, you know, did she get pushed? Who knows? But also, like, it's very possible at that age to be looking at your phone. Sure.

And just. The slip. Yeah. We'll never know. We'll never know. Tell me how much you agree with this statement. It's none of our business. What about stare not well?

All right, all right. I'm too late. Stare well, stare not well. No, I love it. All right. I cut you off there. No, you didn't. You had something.

This is our most Jewish ep yet. Yeah, I know, right? I feel so goy. We should have gotten a little lock spread for you, man. I feel bad. Oh, that would have been the sweet. Yeah, next time. Do you practice, man. I feel bad. Yeah. Oh, that would have been the sweet. Yeah. Next time. Do you practice?

Yeah. Judaism? Yeah. No. I mean, I guess. Probably the same as you. I'm not very religious. Yeah, but we still practice.

You're taking Pepto-Bismol. Yeah. But I'm going to wean off after what you just said. Yeah. But even the way you get off is Jewish. A wean is a very Jewish way to get off. That's how I get off. What's that?

Jew porn. I got to send you a link send me a link yeah i've been doing it and i'm not even joking on my patreon i've been posting it not my face but i've been posting uh i mean porn yeah getting blown and stuff on my patreon what really actually like the promo if you want to see me getting my dick sucked go to patreon.com slash take your shoes off is there a sizzle um i guess i could send you something you could put it in. I'll have it blurred.

Okay, perfect. Like Asians. Yeah, I've been doing porn. Do Asian people blur their porn? They blur their penises. I think in Japan. Yeah. Really?

Is it Japan or China? I think it's Japan. But that's why they're so repressed. Because they don't get it out with the porn. Well, porn has only been mainstream and accessible the way it has for the past 10 some years. That's not enough time to build a resentment for suppression, is there? Oh, yeah. So in the 80s.

I think we were suppressed in the 80s pretty bad. Think about what you used to jack off to when we were 13. Oh, my. Just cleavage or whatever. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Think about what they're jerking off to now. Hit Me Baby One More Time was the first music video I jacked off to. Yeah, dude. Three months ago. Drive me crazy? No, no, no. Just Hit Me to now. Hit Me Baby One More Time was the first music video I took off to. Yeah, dude.

Three months ago. Ooh, drive me crazy. No, no, no. Just Hit Me Baby. Just Hit Me Baby? Yeah. I didn't feel great after masturbating to it.

Yeah, oops, I did it again. Yeah, I felt like, I just felt like I was doing too much to get to this thing. I had to put a tape in. I had to record it. It was too much. You to this thing. I had to put a tape in. I had to record it.

It was too much. You were VHS masturbating. Honestly, I was masturbating before I knew it was sexual. I used to put, when I was eight or so, pre-COVID as well, I would put myself under the, you know, before a shower, have the the the best part but then there's the part where every shower is a little different how do you why is it coming out of here yeah yeah you gotta find a knob i used to have it coming out of here the shower part and i would kind of like go up next to it and i would take my clit and i would put it under the water and and sometimes it would take five minutes sometimes it'd take like a half hour and i didn't know what it was i just know if Sometimes it would take like a half hour. And I didn't know what it was. I just know if you leave it there long enough, it'll feel good.

I didn't know it was sexual. Whoa. And I remember I did it. And after, I would want to go in. And I'm like, just keep doing it. It feels so good. Yeah. But every time I would finish, I would not want to do it anymore.

And I remember one time I was going to do it. I'm like, Rick, you're not going to want to do it a second time. But I'm telling you now, you're going to want to do it. So do it twice. And I couldn't. That turns out it's kind of like when you have an orgasm, sometimes it takes some time. I have a question. When you heard the Britney Spears songs on the radio, did you get excited?

Good question. Although I did like her music and I did buy, while we're on the subject of Japanese porn, I did buy her album, the Japanese version, because it came with a special insert that had more pictures. Damn, you see? We had no porn.

You had to get creative. Victoria's Secret catalogs. Big. Yeah. That's what's so, sorry. Who were you, like, oh, I'm sorry, Mike. I'm talking about a Jewish podcast.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Great Josh Gottelman joke. You know, you got the Irish goodbye when you leave without saying goodbye. Jewish goodbye is when you say goodbye to everyone so long that they leave. His joke. But that's what's crazy about like a Pete Davidson now.

A comedian fucking all these hot women, celebrity women. Because that wasn't happening when we were coming up. I forgot why this is related. We were talking about what we were jerked off to oh yeah like cindy crawford cindy crawford was your gal oh yeah well if she was a victoria seeker gal and then pete davison banged her daughter so i used to i once got a playboy and my mom had an laminating machine i'm getting the silent treatment what do you mean from god she's a woman it's a woman oh yeah no it's very good i'm so sorry no no no i threw it in too late i was i was a little sore slow i was on bubble bath

and i'm you say it again do it again now it's over it's over i think god is a woman yeah i'm getting a silent treatment i don't get it all right well i appreciate that all right so you were saying there i laminated this Playboy, these pictures of this Playboy, and I would. You laminated it. I laminated it when no one was home in my parents' bathroom. So you could clean off the semen. Well, because I wanted to bring it in the shower. Because the only way I knew to feel that way.

Good point. This is when I started. This is pre-cum and pre-COVID still. But it was sexual at this point. You were a resourceful child. I know. What a nerd. Laminating.

That's adorable. Well, I wanted to bring it in the bubble bath. You take it to Hobby Lobby? You got a laminator? My mom had a lamination machine. She does crafts all the time. I don't know what she would laminate pictures. This was before frames.

And you masturbate like a 50-year-old woman. You're in the tub scrapbooking over here. Hey, shut the fuck up! You shut the fuck up! That's funny because I used to print out naked women photos. Print them out like... That whole thing, using all the ink. Sounds like a bad psycho impression.

And then I would fold them up, put them in my pocket. I remember I was mowing the lawn one time. Literally? Literally, mowing the lawn. It was a hot summer day. I was probably like 11, mowing the lawn. And I'd be like, all right. I would look at it.

It would keep me going. It would give me strength. You're like a fucking vet. Yeah, yeah. I remember my friend had a color printer, and we would print a bunch of porn from the internet. And we just stapled it together and called it Play Amigo. We used a graphic, and we sold it for five bucks a copy and we got busted by our

gay homeroom teacher uh he was like 70 he was awesome he didn't give a shit he just saw it he goes i'll just tell them you were selling lingerie magazines ah out of trouble what a guy what's his name we'll put his instagram handle up here. He died. Mr. Jones. He was the man. Mr. Jones and me. How can I sell porn? I used to sell Dragon Ball Z VCDs. I would burn the series.

You didn't kiss until you were 18, huh? Don't all come together. Okay. Keep going there. 17. Four eyes. 17. Sorry. Good magazine.

Yeah. I remember selling stuff. you know being resourceful we would have a little make our little businesses and now we're podcast kings yeah selling mattresses now we're selling whiskey do you guys have whiskey sponsors this is our whiskey we made wait a minute this is your brand of whiskey oh yeah i didn't know you guys had a pardon me for bodega cat spirits.com We're trying to retire on this, probably, like Clooney.

You know, I've never smelt a whiskey that I like. I'm sorry, so... This is the one. This is a very nerve-wracking moment here. Well, I'm not going to like it. I'm just curious if it makes me barf. I feel like we shouldn't have him smell it. No, no, no. That's a rye. This isn't whiskey. It's a rye.

Are you kidding me? No. I would drink the whole bottle of Bodega Cat in any type of glass. This is so good, and it feels so smooth. Here, here. Wow. Thank you, Rick. That's like a shower drain right there. Yeah.

It's great. Yeah. Good stuff. What about that big mop you got there? That's going to take a while to dry. That's why I carry a hat with me. Uh-huh. I like to get, when my hair's wet, I put a hat on.

And when it dries in the hat, it keeps my curls. Ah. Damn. It's a little trick I found out. Yeah. As also a curly haired douche, I don't like to wash my hair a lot. You don't like to wash it or even wet it? Either or.

Because once you get it the way you like it, once you wet it or shampoo it or whatever, it's over. How much do you spend on a haircut? Too much. How much is too much? 50. Really?

You were complaining about your haircut. We both were complaining. We didn't like our haircuts. I think you look squaffed. H-A-T. High and tight. Dude, I got a haircut. The woman was panicking. I paid two. It was like a $30 haircut. Was it her first? look squaffed really i want to put some stuff high and tight dude i i got a haircut the woman

was panicking i paid two it was like a 30 haircut she she was it her first haircut it felt like it was her first haircut she was panicking with the uh with the blade she was like i was like you're making me nervous yeah you're nervous you don't feel comfortable asking her to stop once once you're once you're halfway through you gotta just it's like sex you gotta finish i have a question for you you finish no if you're getting a massage and you're paying through, it's like sex. You gotta finish. I have a question for you. You finish? No. If you're getting a massage and you're paying for this massage and it's not hard enough for the doing weird spot, do you just sit there and take it or do you let them know?

Do you give them a little direction? One time I had to leave because she didn't know what she was doing. She was terrible. She was so bad that I was like, you're going to injure me. What? How? Elbows and shit? Just like on my bone.

I'm like, you don't know what you're doing. Whoa. See, see i'm so dumb i would have thought maybe i'm an idiot maybe it's supposed to feel like well it was really painful wow good for you for leaving i felt that way once i gave a lot of trust to netflix i remember back when you would rate stuff with five stars i remember i was about to rate something three stars and i saw netflix suggested i would like it four stars and i thought maybe i did like it more nah that's why they got rid of the rating it was causing jews too much stress but i just got a haircut the guy hated me and he was fucking with me on purpose i go why do you hate you well here's why it closed at 7 i got there at about 6 15 and i walk in it went cling cling and i went and he goes uh old italian guy and i was like too late too late he goes all right sit, and he goes, old Italian guy. And I was like, too late, too late.

He goes, all right, sit down. And he whipped the chair like hard with the towel or whatever. I don't think that's because he's angry. He was probably getting the hair off the chair. He was angry. I mean, it was coming out of his eyes. Dude, he was Italian. Yeah.

He still is. And I sat down. He whipped the smock on me all quick. And he goes, how do you want the sideburns? I go, I like it right here. And he did it up here. How long ago? This is two days ago.

Your sideburns look great. No, I like it down here. But he chopped an extra inch off just to spite me. And then he goes, how do you want the back? And I go, rounded. He did the square. He did. Damn.

Yeah, so he was screwing me. And even the guy next to me was sweeping up like, oh, boy, you pissed off Vesuvio or whatever. Vesuvio. That's the name of the restaurant in fucking Sopranos. Oh, is that right? It's also the volcano. But that's Vesuvius. Yeah.

All right. But yeah, so and then I said a little this, a little that. And he just did everything wrong. And I would say, can you do this? And he wouldn't answer. And I would go, excuse me, can you do this? And he wouldn't answer. And I would go, excuse me, can you do this? And he'd go, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he was fucking with me, and I almost walked, but I didn't.

And I still tipped him. Yeah, I always tip well. No matter what. She did a bad job, and the second she's done, I was like, and she goes, I'm sorry. She admitted she fucked up. You can't say I'm sorry. I don't.

I would rather that than my guy no i like i would have liked if she was like you look great you're crazy oh okay i would prefer that then i like it i'm sorry i like when when you're ever at a restaurant and all the food comes up and it's missing something and then they say oh uh the kitchen's whatever but you know they just forgot to put it in yeah i've had i've had waiters uh uh say to me forgot. I'm sorry. I love that. I'm tipping more. Yes. I love it.

They're human. I do like honesty, but not when you're like, it's a tip job and I need a haircut. Right. I want her to say, yeah, I would have liked if she faked it a little bit. Okay. It's kind of like a doctor. You don't want a doctor to be like, Jesus, what the fuck is that? Right.

You're saying bedside manner for a beauty. Bedside manner. Yes. Well, barbers, it's a weird thing because you ever go to a place where they have the game on, like a soccer game on? I'm like, I don't want you really passionate about a team while holding scissors next to my ear. So true. Or they're in a conversation with a guy next to them like, oh, you see that game, man?

And I'm like, look at me, motherfucker. And I also hate the haircut because you have to watch it happen. You're sitting there looking at your dumb face and you guys got the comb going through it. And then he snips too much and you're just watching it. And you got to just take it. It sucks. I always say what I want it to look like. And then I say, but cut off a little less.

Ah, that's good. Always. Because they always go too short. If it's a new person. Always go too short. Especially's a new person always go to especially for us with curly hair yeah i gave my hair my i cut my hair once during the pandemic oh boy and it i thought i did a good job until i showered and then it it wasn't curled it just this much but the curl then it went goes a long way yeah because it doesn't have that strength to

you said it guys like me is they'll do the cauliflower look they'll just do this and leave it here i'm like yeah that's not what the fuck oh yeah yeah you are high and tight though is that not how you like it this is solid though it's a good look say so all right i'm trying to trying to but you also are what she did you want us to yeah you want us you said to us you want yeah i got a lot i got that's true but i went to barber not my friend well i did have a lot of people do the you you got a haircut, but they didn't say, they just acknowledged that I got the haircut. I'm pouring it on.

Pouring it on. It looks good. You look sharp. All right, thank you. Yeah, when they acknowledge but don't say, like there were people say, hey, I saw your show, but they didn't say, I'm sure that they liked it if they're telling me they saw it, but still, you know, okay. You never know.

But I don't say, you can't say thank you to that. And it sounds aggressive, but I go, okay. Yeah, that's fair. I mean, it's a Mitch Hedberg joke. The guy's like, I saw you at the airport, but he did not say whether I was good. I don't remember that. I'm fucking it up. But he's like, I saw your show last night, but he didn't say if it was good.

So he goes, I saw you here or whatever. I'm fucking it up. No, dude, you're okay. Ah, shit. Put that clip in. I was at the airport. A guy came up. He said, dude, I saw you on TV last night.

But he did not say whether or not he thought it was good. He just confirmed that it was on television. So I turned my head away from him for about a minute. Then I turned it back. I said, dude, I saw you at the airport. About a minute ago. You were good. I'm becoming.

I'm like, my period is, Jewish period is sinking with you guys. Oh, that's sweet, though. It's a man of Shevitz. Is that right? Are you into Jew food? I love delis. Kugel? Kugel?

Jewish pastries outside of the Homan Tashin I don't favor too much. Homan Tashin's fucking solid. What the fuck's Homan Tashin? Pull it up. That sounds like a Native American. Homan Tashin. So there was Purim. You're familiar with Purim.

I know Purim. That's the Jewish Halloween. Yes. And the villain of this is Haman. Magneto. Do you remember that? Did you have that growing up? Whenever you say Haman But he would wear a hat

And I always thought that Haman, Homan, Tashin, I don't know if that's the case But he wore a hat that was kind of like a triangle A pointy hat So I think of Homan Tashin as Haman And it's also from that same Purim, have you made this association? Sam, speak on that No, I've never made that, but he was actually a Holocaust survivor Haman. And it's also from that same Purim. Have you made this association? Sam, speak on that.

No, I've never made that. But he was actually a Holocaust survivor, Haman. Oh, hey, man. No, this was way before that. Queen Esther? I was trying to do a fucking Magneto thing. I don't know. All right, I want to see this Haman, because this is a whole world I have no idea.

I actually heard that Thanos was a Holocaust survivor, too. Thanos was? Really? He was the thickest Holocaustocaust survivor there was that guy was thick i don't know this guy yeah i don't know if that's how you spell it type in hayman you never saw it nah that's not my cup well it's not my cup either but i ended up going what avengers yeah it's everyone's cup my mom loves it you watch those the last two you'll love them yeah the last two are fun okay i just. Yeah, the last two were fun. Okay. I just got into The Boys. You guys watch that?

I haven't seen it. So, so propaganda. Click on that other one. Have you seen Peacemaker yet? That's next, but people are raving. It's good. People are raving. Peacemaker's good. This is how people see Jews.

Holy shit. But doesn't that hat look like a, I've never seen this picture. Doesn't that hat look like a homintosh? Yeah. It looks more like an Irish guy if you ask me. Pull up a picture of a homintosh, would you? Yeah at that that's the hat that's what i'm saying it's a napoleon hat oh they're delicious a homeintosh yeah what is that grape in there there's grape strawberry my favorite is apricot that looks good it's a jewish danish right got it got it a little

drier is rugla considered jewish yeah rugla is Rugelach's fucking good, dude. People love it. I don't like to speak bad of pastries. We used to put it in the freezer, even better frozen. Wow, Jesus Christ. What the hell? What are you on, the fucking Daily Storm here? What are you pulling up? What the fuck?

Daily Storm? Is that a WNBA team? What's the Daily Storm? Are you serious? I'm glad you don't know. I've never heard of it. Mark was like, oh, I get that one bookmarked.

They feature my stuff. Well, what's the Daily Storm? By order of deduction, I have to assume it's like a news anti-Jewish propaganda. I've never heard of it. I thought he made it up

but the reference sounds like something. Sounds like a weather station. Oh, is that what it's called? Jews love the weather channel. Wait a minute. Daily Stormer. Okay, there we go. Is an American far-right neo-Nazi white supremacist, misogynist, Islamophobic, anti-Semite.

I don't think they wrote this bio. Second genocide. I'd have more respect for them if they did. Oh, that's so funny. I feel like we're going to lean into it. Yeah, that would be fun. Kind of like what your girl who cut your hair did. Yeah.

Oh, Alex Jones' top build. This house. I stand with Alex. Who stands with Alex Jones after that shit? You see DeRosa's clip? They have Rick Vaughn up there. Oh, yeah. Look at that.

Free Ricky. That's you. Free Ricky. You know, my brother. Did you guys have senior quotes in your yearbooks? Yeah, sure. My brother's was from Major League. Forget the curveball, Ricky ricky give him the heater and there was a teacher i forgot his name but he came up to me and and said how beautiful my relationship is with my brother

and how great advice that is and he thought to me like rick don't worry about just trying to dodge stuff just go right to what you want i like that well your, you've got a great family. Thank you. I met his dad. His dad owns like this carpet land. Oh, Marshall. Carpet one. It's amazing. It's like high end, top shelf, beautiful carpeting. And your dad's the coolest.

Thank you. Great guy. Great guy. He looks like Sam Elliott. Cleveland, Cleveland classic, right? Yeah. Well, Marshall Carpet One and Rug Gallery is, the problem with it is a lot of people get confused because you go and a lot of times you're a customer. One sec, you're a customer for these rugs, but we don't have any customers.

Ah, it was a little empty. We have family. Oh. No, we had people going through. You were the first one we recorded at the rug store. There was customers going through. It was an honor. Yeah, we're doing a podcast.

Some guy behind us is like feeling the material and shit. And he was happy. And Jews know about materials. That's true. Oh, we're doing a podcast. Some guy behind us is like feeling the material and shit. And he was happy. And Jews know about materials. That's true. Oh, yeah. You know why? Because they had to learn the trades because then they were leaving Eastern Europe. They couldn't necessarily take their brick and mortar stores.

That's why you see a lot of lawyers and doctors and salesmen because it's a trade that you could teach and bring with you wherever you go. You don't need goods. Correct. But then you guys had fabric as well. Well, and spices, but that's just because that's what the resources are over there.

I see. A lot of fashion, Jews brought that over, a lot of- Ralph Lauren changed his name. Lipschitz? Not for me to decide. I think that's his real name.

Also, if you think about who created all the superheroes, it's a lot of Jews. Yes. And a lot of them had like dark- The original one, Superman is Jewish. And Spider-Man, lee jesus christ was jewish the original original superhero that's right but a lot of them came with like a dark secret that they were hiding a double life kind of yeah it made sense that it was like no stomach acid yeah and the jews were great boxers

which early the early superman was like this yeah what's that the early superman he's always chugging Pepto. That was his weakness. His stomach acid. It was Krypton and then the bad stomach. But yeah, yeah. I think that's what they thought goys looked like with Superman. You know, because you guys couldn't throw a ball and stuff.

Also, in order to fit in, you have to wear glasses and be like, Well, Lois, I think my dick may be a little too small. That was Clark Kent. In the Daily Planet. Right, exactly. Originally, he was in The Daily Stormer. That's crazy. That would be a fascinating comic book.

Just anti-Semitic Superman. In like North Korea, the way they repurpose these stories and change them and stuff. Yes, yes. He's just stopping bar mitzvahs and stuff. He's bringing to the wall of a temple. Good times. You know, that's why I just officiated my first wedding. And boy, were my arms tired.

Did you really officiate? I did. Eric Griffins. And I did a thing, and it was great, and it was Jewish. He's Jewish? He's married a Jewish into Judaism. Good for him and you're stepping

on the glass and I've heard all these different things I never knew what the stepping on the glass was at the end and I learned

that it's it's to symbolize the destruction of the first two Jewish temples for people to remember that even on this blessed joyous day

to still remember where you come from and it just feels like what such a Jewishish thing i know we're having a good time but i thought it was in reference to die hard when he had to walk on the glass and i think diehard maybe used that in it because diehard came way after the destruction of the temples yeah good point you always get the best joke about the uh the broken glass you know mike caplan yeah he's a joke he goes so you know we had a divorce it was a very

uh it was a jewish divorce we took a broken glass we put it back together that's great is he jewish i'm just kidding um yeah that's funny you want a first date not knowing where to go you guys get bar mitzvahed yeah oh fun should we go to some footage this is a translation of my Torah portion, Nitzavim, from the book of Deuteronomy. You make a couple bucks? A little, yeah. One thick eyebrow, the picture,

I'm like, I can't look at this shit. Oh, really? Do you have to take care of that now? Oh, yeah. How often do you do it? Not often. Not too often, thank God, but it's, yeah. How do you do it?

I pluck it. I get a little tweezer. You pluck? Yeah. Whoa, that's hard. Are you familiar with laser? Should I do it? I pluck it. I get a little tweezer. You pluck? Yeah. Whoa, that's hard. Are you familiar with laser? Should I do that? I had my back lasered.

Really? What? Whole back. Can we see it? Yeah. No, for the cam. Damn, that's a smooth back. There's nothing there.

Nothing? So your lower back was, my upper back's the problem. I had my whole back. Really? Upper and lower. Is that expensive? Whoa. I don't look at prices.

Did it hurt? It hurts a little bit. Yeah. I mean, no more than, you know, what you would think it does. How long does it hurt? It's, they have to, and it's probably, for like a whole back, you're probably looking at a half hour. That's not bad.

But it's fine. And they also give you this numbing cream that you choose to, which I did. But I mean, a week later, you would. No, right away. Right away, you're probably looking at a half hour. That's not bad. But it's fine. And they also give you this numbing cream that you choose to, which I did. But I mean, a week later, you- No, right away. Right away, you're fine. Wow. I mean, there are some, like you stay out of the sun for a few days. There are some bumps sometimes.

Sure. But I was so insecure about my body hair. Why? What about the chest? Well, that first, so i didn't have really body hair and coincidentally until i started eating pussy i really do think it's a coincidence but i was started like seven or eight years old no no no 17 okay um and i started to negate you i just didn't want to lie about my i'm not eating pussy before i kiss sure um i do now but finally so uh

i didn't have chest hair in high school and the girl i was dating in high school i also dated freshman year of college and i remember i went to her dorm and they shared a floor the guys and the girls and i showered in the guy's shower it was a different time and when i walked down to her room i was just a towel on my waist and she goes frank you have so much chest hair and like that i just became so for years until ironically i saw I saw Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. And I thought he looked great. Great. And I'm like, I don't have all of that. But that's kind of the thing.

Pull up Hugh Jackman as Wolverine shirtless. Yeah, it would be the first one. Man's man. Peak of a man. And I just thought, yeah, you know what? Chest hair's okay. But I still. Women love chest hair.

Back hair, shoulder hair. That's tough. It's tough. That's debatable. But Magnum P.I. was all chest hair. Women love it. You got to do the older one because he, less chest hair. Yeah, I'm It's tough. That's debatable. But Magnum PI was all chest hair. Women love it. You got into the older one because he, less chest hair. Yeah, I'm a little annoyed that he shaved it there.

He looked cool hairy. Tom Selleck. Yes. That's more my mom is into that. I think. My mom too. Well, I'm trying to get your mom on board, dude. Dude, chest hair, I usually, women are into it.

Oh, yeah. I had one girl when I was in college. Yeah, his pecs don't have it as much. She was still young. She was young. I bet she grows into that yeah chest hair chest hair is fine you know a lot of people talk about these beauty standards that are impossible to connect to by you know having large breasts a large ass fat lips a juicy wet pussy and a narrow waist and just you know beautiful and skinny sure but not everybody could look that way but guys have that too with hair. Yes.

And a lot of people, because a lot of these chiseled model types don't have hair, I feel like girls, like until you hit maybe 25 or older, because I remember back when I was younger and I was fooling around with some girls that were a bit younger. Oh, yeah. They usually, they didn't tell me i hate your fucking chest there but you could tell really and then when i once once maybe like hit 27 definitely in the 30s and you start hooking up with younger women again and i was hooking up with younger women i don't think i've ever yes i have i fucked a 17 year old once really well i was 17 but yes keyword that's allowed yeah um but uh yeah older like i

don't know if it's if it's rude to say older is 27 or 30 but that's around when i started recognizing that yeah like once i was uh in the upper in the 20s women tend to like chest hair they love it my gal i'm so glad she wants me to have more, which sucks because I'm like, well, it's not going to happen. Well, now I know why Dane Cook waxes his chest. Ha, ha, ha, ha. He likes them young. I don't like to speak of other people.

All right. Or of other pastries. I think most guys like a young lady. I was going to say, I don't think I've ever dated a younger girl, but that's not true because my last girlfriend is younger. My gal's younger.

Other than that, it's older. Yeah, it's usually been my age, but yeah, my last one was younger. But, you know, these are my, when I met her, she was 26, 27. Happy birthday. Thank you. Now, a word from our sponsor. Better help. You have to take care of your mind, folks.

We spend so much time taking care of our skin, our hair, our teeth, and so little care of the most important body part, the brain. How well you take care of your brain affects how you experience life. Investing time and energy and mental health is crucial to being happy. Eating right, working out, and getting plenty of sleep are a good start, but no substitution for talk therapy better help makes online therapy accessible convenient and affordable we love therapy it's good for you don't let those bags pile up everybody's got shit in their life everybody's got drama you gotta make it work you gotta be healthy and that's how you do it is talking about it that's how you get it out better help is online therapy offers video phone and chat therapy sessions you can choose to not see anyone on camera, and it's much more affordable than in person. You can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. We might be drunk listeners who get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash drunk. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash drunk.

Get on it! If you haven't heard already, it's Smooth Sacks Summer. The leader in below-the-belt grooming is making sure we all have a ball this summer by giving your pants, partners, everything they need to stay fresh. I love this thing. You've got to love the Manscaped Performance Package 4.0. It's got it all. I use this thing on my sack.

I go around the base of the shaft. You just want a little extra length and no better equipment than these guys. Manscaped did it right. They got a goddamn headlight on the thing. And you can't nick. You can't cut. I mean, there's a lot of veins down there and a lot of precious material material you don't want to ruin i just use it man it's it's i feel lighter it's great yeah it works i had a fucking fro covering my balls yeah big fan

our pubes look like our hair so uh it's not that different and you need a real i got sideburns too you need a real mower down there the lawnmower Mower 4.0 Body Trimmer and Weed Whacker Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer features proprietary advanced skin-safe technology to protect your delicate parts and holes. Both are waterproof, so you can shave in the shower. Come on. Get it all out in one go. Manscaped even threw in two free gifts to their Performance Package 4.0, the Manscaped Boxers and Shed travel bag. Take a look at the Shears 2.0, a luxury nail grooming kit. I keep one in my bag all the time.

This kit includes stainless steel, nail cutters, tweezers, and grooming scissors. No more scratching your lady in bed with those feet. scissors no more scratching your lady in bed with those feet get 20 off and free shipping with the code drunk at manscaped.com that's 20 off plus free shipping with the code drunk at manscaped.com it's smooth sack summer boys get on board and get left behind with your hairy ball bag either way i wish i had a little chest hair is what I'm saying. I got some weird nipple stragglers, some rogue gray antennae coming out there. Is that the nipple or the hairs? The hairs. But the middle, I got nothing.

Interesting. So you're the opposite of Hugh. I'm out, yeah. Hugh has a lot in the middle. The middle's where you want it. Is it? Yeah, look at, look at, look. You want to dress there?

And he can have anything. He can have anything. And I'll give it to him, too. Hugh Jackman's fucking talented. He's awesome. I'm trying to get him on the pod while I'm here. Really? He can sing, dance, muscles.

He's doing the music man, right? Elephant man. Elephant man? Oh, that was Bradley Cooper. Yeah. What? He should be the elephant. Do you ever see Hugh Jackman in the one with the magic?

Christine. Yes. That's a good movie. Great movie. What about the one with the magic. Christine. Yes. That's a good movie. Great movie. What about the one where it goes, from now on, from now on. Do you remember that one, the circus one? No, I never saw it. No.

What am I talking about? The Greatest Showman. Yes. Jewish. Is it good? Oh, really? He's Jewish. When the last name ends in a man it's usually jewish

right good point showman yeah true story about hugh jackman he used to do a broadway show and apparently my biological father's in the crowd one night he is doing like crowd work brings him on stage and he wrote like a jingle for like an ad you, an advertising thing back in the day, whatever. He used to do jingles. Like Rick Vaughn in Two and a Half Men. Yeah, a little bit, kind of. And he had a jingle.

Yeah, it's Charlie Sheen, dude. Oh, okay. Pretend you know, act like you've been there. We're trying to get Sheen

on the pod. I thought it was named Rick Vaughn in Major League. Rick Vaughn was played by Charlie Sheen. I get that, but you combined Rick Vaughn. I know,

I put it together. Okay, okay. Put together the Sheen stuff. I love your Sheen. By the way, we got a Sheen update from our buddy Simon Rex, who is trying to get Charlie Sheen on this pod. We desperately want Charlie Sheen.

Are you a big Charlie Sheen fan? We just think he's a perfect We Might Be Drunk fan. Yes. Yes, we are fans. Yeah, he seems fun. Yeah, he's got the sneak. But yeah, apparently he's hiding in the hills. He doesn't do a lot of public appearances.

He just does porn stars. But Simon Rex, for those of you who loved the Simon Rex episode, not only is he a great guest, he's a great guy. He's pushing for Sheen. Hell yeah. We're fighting for Sheen. We're going to get Sheen one day. But anyway, Hugh Jackman brings in my biological dad on stage. And it was like, play.

What are you doing? And he goes, oh, I used to do advertising. Now I write songs and stuff. And he goes, well, play one. He goes, I can't. I can't sing. And he's like, please, play one. He gets the whole crowd to be like, play it. Play it.

Plays the song. Bombs. Shits his pants. No. Plays the song. Plays the song. Falls over the stool. Drops dead. No, he plays the song falls over the stool drops dead plays the song and everyone

he can't sing but everyone just cheers because he did it and everyone's crazy and Hugh Jackman's like that's incredible that song I love that song he's like I'm gonna make that song I'm not kidding I'm gonna make that song never got in touch he got fucking ghosted by Jackman dude

I think in his heart he really did want to but he's probably He got fucking ghosted by Jackman, dude. Damn. It sounds like a good series. I think in his heart, he really did want to, but he's probably just too busy. He's busy. He's got 10 movies in the works, but that's wild. I don't remember if we talked about this, but you obviously have a non-biological dad as well. Who's the best, yeah. Biological dad, though, is in your life? Not really.

He lives like seven blocks from me. It's very strange. They walk by each other on the sidewalk like this. Do you guys bond over issues with your family? Eh, I think every... We're both pretty good. My family's good. Yeah. So is his.

We're well adjusted. Our parents had dinner the other night. Oh, how did I know that? I saw that on something. I think we posted it. We posted it somewhere. Yeah, I saw either a clip or something. The Normans and the Morels. And you didn't know that.

No. No, we both got blindsided with it. We were having dinner with the Normans. Oh, that's so yeah i saw either a clipper or something normans in the morels and you didn't know that they called you no we both got blindsided with it it was we're having dinner with the normans i was like oh that's so cool but not your biological dad no no no but your biological dad yes well no but my mom is my biological mom my dad is technically my stepdad but he legally adopted me he's my dad how old were you when he adopted you well when they got married uh they were like i was probably like seven so okay good age good that's when i started masturbating yeah dude you were fucking in there well i called it shower play yeah bath play yeah now did you guys fuck stuff around the house who didn't all right i used to i remember nothing safe in a in a young no no in a young boy you what well if there was a

mattress you're gonna fuck it yeah can i tell you the best mattress I've ever fucked? Sister. Honestly, you could get one at helixsleep.com slash Tyso to save up to $200 off all mattress orders. Here's the best part. And two free pillows. Hey, nothing wrong with that. Yeah.

You know they have a 20-day guarantee? What? Psych, 100 days. Risk-free. And if you don't like it, they'll come to your house and pick it up for free. Take the two-minute sleep quiz at helixsleep.com slash Tyso. What about the drool, though? What if you don't like it, they'll come to your house and pick it up for free. Take the two minute sleep quiz at helixsleep.com slash Tysa. What about the drool though? What if you drool on it? Will they still take it back?

Yep. Alright, because I'm a drooler. Do you drool on your sleep? Do you drool on your pillow though? Not on your mattress. Pillow? Yeah. But you said pillow. You caught me. Alright. I used to have I remember when I was a little boy I discovered that if you put pressure on your penis, it feels good.

Yes. So I remember there was a sleepover with another heterosexual friend, and we would put pillows on our schwanzes and step on it. Whoa. Yeah. Doesn't this feel good? Like, you don't know what it is. Doesn't that feel good? And I remember we tried, we would lay on our stomachs and put a pillow on our butts and stand on it, and you can't feel it the same.

Yeah, yeah. You know, I used to do the circle jerk. How old? 36. You were younger. No, we didn't get in a circle, but, you know, he would take the couch, I would take the bed, he would take the closet. There were four of us.

We were square. Wait, and do what? Are you being serious? And we would put on a porn and jerk, you know we all did that. Under a blanket or a sleeping bag. I've heard people do that, but really, you wouldn't just masturbate next to your friends? I mean, they were, you know, it was like where he was. Yeah, next to your friends. Yeah, and.

I have a bit about this in my new special. Oh, really? Yeah, about how we used to do that, yeah. Oh, okay. I think that's pretty common. I'll start doing a bit about that if that works. I think we all got to do it. I think we should do a circle jerk bit of us doing a circle jerk.

Sure. Yeah. And there was no embarrassment? No. I mean, we were young boys figuring it out. We didn't know what was going on, really. You know, very young. And I remember one time my friend finished, and we're all talking about it.

Cummed. Yes. You said your friend cummed. Say what it is. Yeah, he jizzed. And he had it on his hand, and I go, I dare you to taste it. And he goes, I don't want to. And I go, come on, taste it.

And he goes, we haven't talked since. Really? go, come on, taste it. And he goes, we haven't talked since. Really? That was like 20 years ago, yeah. I guess you can say it. Let's get him on the phone. You can say a 13-year-old jizz. I don't think you can say a 13-year-old nutted. Nutted doesn't sound right, right?

No, no. It is. Everything needs to be contextualized, and we've kind of lost that right now with these sound bites and these bubbles that we live in left this right that the truth is when you're 13 and you nut it's not about a 13 year old nutting it's about you and your peers nutting but everyone needs to define this stuff you have people on the left saying that trump is you know that stuff yeah okay and then you got the people on the right saying you know all the stuff they're saying fuck the jukebox the daily stormer and we're picking teams like like's the Cavs versus the Bulls, man. I know.

Instead of picking policies. And we'll just go with whatever team we decided. Oh, I like LeBron only if he's on the Cavs. Fuck that. God is a woman. Here, here. Silent treatment. I don't like to choose sides.

I just don't get it. I like to choose people. Yes. There you go. There were no Jews in the building. Oh, that's 9-11. Yeah, I thought that's what you were doing. Oh, okay.

I don't know. I don't have any platitudes. You don't have any good ones? You don't have any? The same exact thing. All you have to do is just turn it on its head. It's the same exact thing you do. Switch one variable.

Ah. Wait, what? You know, fucking guys are a huge dicks and they they're awesome right that's like something you could do but instead switch it to either say women have or guys have small oh i see i see what's one of your jokes that that's cutting that is like that is like what's a good one or two liner that you have that people at first might be like oh black people are lesser right now switch it okay black people are on top same job all right just different point of view okay well this is not gonna help anybody's career this one has been flagged by youtube already we have lost all our sponsors and it's been a good run we will be

moving to the daily stormer for future content. Helix stuck with us, believe it or not. What's your Helix code? You should get the code. You guys have Helix? I'm a Casper man. Are you? Ooh.

Yeah. I've had the same mattress forever. He's friendly. I've had the same mattress forever. I'm going to have to update at some point. My friend Ryan Hamilton has a new thing that I guess he heard on the Tim Ferriss podcast. It's like a cooling thing that you can control from your phone. Makes your bed cool as ice.

Can make it hot. You can set the temperature of your bed hot as hell. Cool as ice or hot as hell. You guys don't have hell. Yeah, we don't. We don't have heaven either, though, do we? Oh, I think I have heaven. No, I don't really.

No, I think we don't. Unless, of course, you're talking about Jack's Deli. No. Look at that. Yeah, something like that. I would urinate on that and short it out.

I saw on Shark Tank there's a thing that you could buy that, that thing. What is that? Where you could, you could heat or cool

and you could do different temperatures on different sides. Looks like she's about to suck the old clit. Look at all these new inventions. I'm way behind

i'm sleeping on straw you ever get into a bed and the and and the pillow's cold and it's just like oh i love a cold pillow i think this is supposed to give you that all night with my ex the whole bed was cold all right no i don't like to speak negative people. No, she's great. She's a good person. It's just for a joke. It's just for a joke. She was just cold on the inside. Okay, all right. All right. All right.

What is that one? Seven best bed cooling systems. Okay. So this is a thing. I didn't know about this. Yeah. Remember the old days you put a nickel in the slot and it would shake? Is that where you... That was in movies. I'd see that where they go to a hotel it's like a shit

box hotel they call them they call them jewish beds all right it's only a nickel i thought they would call michael j fox but oh i don't like to fucking blew it god damn it there it is relaxation service yeah i think of it as a quarter. What do you think that does for you? I don't know. I think that people... It's just vibrating, right? We just had so little entertainment.

Remember the thing you'd go do at the gym and you'd put it around your waist, it would jiggle you? I mean, from the 30s. I went to a cheap gym. This guy's trainer was Jack LaLanne. Remember the football game where they would just go... Yeah, they really had some bullshit. It was bad.

They really had some bullshit. And then you see... Dude, pull up what NBA 2K23 is going to look like. Pull up the graphics. Just pull up a clip of just the game. It's insane what the graphic is, though. I mean, this is the most realistic looking... That's not.

Who gives a shit about that? But look at their face. You can see the sweat. Wow, look at that. Yeah, 2K. When 2K first came out, it was look at their fate you can see like the sweat wow look at that yeah 2k when 2k first came out it was for dreamcast it was like unbelievable yeah dude 9999 yeah wow they got to get domestic violence in these games though if they want it to be real i heard in the new madden game uh deshaun watson you can come on a masseuse it's crazy but would that be for isn't that more of a football thing than a basketball thing? Yeah, yeah.

No, I said for Madden. Well, I got you. Is that, that's your team. That's got to be kind of weird, right? The Cavs? The Browns? Well, he's talking about the Browns. I don't really watch football because of the abuse.

I just like basketball. Are the Indians still Indians? Now they're called the Guardians. Oh, the Guardians. You know, I just actually reposted it. I have this clip of my family that goes viral whenever I post it. It's wild. Let's hear it.

And, well, maybe we'll put it up. Okay. But my dad, this was five years ago, he's wearing a Chief Wahoo shirt. And so many comments. I think it's people trolling, but still so many comments about how unacceptable it is. But nobody thought it was unacceptable until somebody told them it was. I don't have skin in the game. I really could less you know I've read skin in the game but and if you went downstairs in the basement and got a soda what was the fucking rule okay I don't like the the people who are

like who are like I want to feel good about myself let me tear a dude times were different people make mistakes I don't like the ganging up on people who are like who are like i want to feel good about myself let me tear a dude times were different people make mistakes i don't like the ganging up on people who used to masturbate with little boys yeah it's a different time still used to yeah i mean jesus christ this guy's the king yes come on i didn't know that oh yeah i bought epstein's island you bought it yeah yeah it was cheap your youtube bargain bin prices damn i can still call it Epstein's Island? You can't change it as a brand. You should keep it. Just lane. You should keep it.

One of us, we got to get his jet. I bet it's a discount. You know, I heard he got that jet from, what's his name? The guy who started, found Victoria's Secret. He's from Ohio, this guy. Oh, yeah? What's his name? Oh, wow, you're talking about.

Super rich. Yeah, and he gave Epstein power of attorney for all of his finances because he was a finance guy. So there was some stuff that he, all the things that he acquired, but he bought the jet and it's not public at the price, but it said at a discount rate or whatever. Yeah. Apparently it was like gifted to him. So I'm saying like he got it for very cheap, so maybe you can. Interesting. Look up a Jew, look up Ohio Jeworia secret i liked i like the idea of buying

it why is this so cheap well a guy last guy in this less wexner pedophile right that's it less wexner yeah shout out to lex will put his instagram handle up here yeah he's very rich bath and body works abercrombie how bad is victoria's secret if people want to do this you know an interesting interesting backstory on les wexner is his father was in the clothing business and he worked for his dad and things it just it wasn't working well he said that he wasn't a good like good at his job the father said about lex yeah that's where he went because lex suggested our sports bras are the thing that's selling the most we should really focus on that he goes you'll never be a salesman so lex went and started his own place called the limited because it was a

limited selection of just the things that he thought would do really well yeah that turned into the limited and then he did all the other stuff i love a good origin yeah love a good origin yeah you know uh well this is not really an origin but but I heard a fun fact lately for doing those. Yeah, what do you guys think? Okay, so Uber, let me see if you can guess this. Uber came in, you know, it was new, Nuber, and, you know, changed the game. But the city lost a ton of money on Uber. Can you think about why?

Why they lost money on Uber? Why the city lost money. Less tickets. Close. Less parking. Less drunk driving incidents. That's it. Really. So DUIs went way down with Uber coming in.

And the DUIs make a lot of money for the city. No one thinks about that. And they lost hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars. Damn. I mean, they want you to get a drunk driving license. They want you to get it. of thousands of dollars damn i mean they want you to get a drunk they want you to get it it helps the you know lawyer fees court fees jail you know tickets car reimbursed whatever the hell less deaths yeah but you know it's all about money man it is it's all about money more money

more power more money more problems more money more welsh more mandel well bled you got two Mo's in there. And none of the Stooges. I was thinking, but I can't remember his name. His last name. He has to have one. Mo Rocca. That sounds right.

I believe you. He's on CBS Sunday Morning. Is he? Old school daily show. No, I'm talking about Mo from The Simpsons. His last name is Rocca. Oh, Sizzle. Thank you.

Yes. Maybe the best Simpsons character. He's one of the best. He might be the best. He's got one of my favorite Simpsons character. He's one of the best. He might be the best. He's got one of my favorite Simpsons jokes. Carl? No, they get him up on the lie detector when Mr. Burns dies. They go, where were you on Saturday night?

He goes, I was on a hot date. All right, dinner with friends. All right, dinner alone. All right, I was ogling the women in the Victoria's Secret catalog. Sears catalog. Ding. What a way to go for that joke. Oh, dude, can you pull up his NRA speech, the Moe NRA speech?

It's one of the best fucking. It's incredible. I don't know this one. Oh, dude, please get it. Flaming Moe. No, the. Uh-oh. What happened?

Oh, he's putting the speakers on so we can hear it. We were all in the floor. Warm you like a hug. Happiness is just a flaming moment. Wow. You're down in the woods. Wait, I want to... I didn't know you could sing.

Homer was about to give a laugh. Are you allowed to show stuff like that? Do you care about that? I think it was short enough. Are we? Yeah, Harry Gondobolo will get mad at us. My favorite Simpsons joke and it taught me uh this joke structure that is one of my favorites is stone cutters oh great app when he

goes uh homer's trying to get away because he wants to see what lenny and carl are doing because he doesn't realize they're in the in the stone cutters already yeah and he marge doesn't want him to do that kind of stuff so So he's getting up to the dinner table and she goes, how many, where are you going? And he tries to figure out. He goes,

I'm going to stalk Lenny and Carl. And just said what the thing was. And it, I, I blew my mind

that you could just say the thing. Say a worse thing. Oh, and I, well, you're just saying that he's just

saying the truth, but in the cadence. I see. He's like trying to figure, you're not going to drink. No, I'm gonna have a drink. Yeah but in the cadence. He's trying to figure out, you're not going to drink. No, I'm going to have a drink. Just the cadence in that you could lead people by speech patterns.

I remember I used to VHS, try to tape everyone I could, just so I could just watch the chorus 10 in a row. Sure, pre-Tevo. I used to do that with Britney Spears. Oh, yeah. That was fucking hot. One more time. Yeah. Pre-Tevo. I used to do that with Britney Spears. Oh, yeah. That was fucking hot. One more time. Yeah.

Do you have any peeves, Rick? I got some peeves. Do you? I have some peeves. I got a peeve. Should I buy you some time or are you ready? I'm ready, but you could go. No, you go.

You're the guest. Lying? But let me zoom in a little bit because people are going to be like, everyone hates lying. Lying and not – also, I hate lying, not i'm not just categorizing this peeve i'm just separating the peeve from the thing lying what are we doing but the peeve is where it serves no purpose and now you're just discrediting everything i'm on my way over let's say i'm here in 18 minutes okay i'm five minutes away ah Ah. Just tell me the thing. I did that yesterday. I feel bad.

Because you're trying to soften it. Yeah. You're trying to soften it for the other person. You're trying to soften it. Was he pissed? Oh, man, did I get my ass reamed out? Did you make the gig on time? We made the gig.

It was all fine. Oh, this is the Philadelphia thing. I was late. No, no, no. Well, Pennsylvania. But either way, it was ugly. But I thought I could make it because I had the A train. I was literally on the A train.

I said, I'll be there in five. You know, five is a loose term, but I thought I could make it in five. It's three stops. His whole peeve is that it's not a loose term. It's not a loose term. People just take it because it's divisible of ten? I guess. It's just one of the idiosyncrasies.

I would almost call it, even though it's not, but you said you don't do them. It's your version of a platitude. You're just offering something that's going to ease them, but it's not sustainable. Yeah, and it bites you in the ass later. It's better to bite it up top. That's why I like that she said, I'm sorry. Yeah, I like the sorry too. About the haircut.

Although I do think you look, I mean, you honestly look so good. It's why my legs have been crossed this whole episode. Let me see that fucking hog. No, no, no, no. Come on, let me see it. What if I didn't? It's just my legs have been crossed this whole episode. Let me see that fucking hog. No, no, no, no. Come on. Let me see it. What if I didn't? It's just a fucking rock hard pocket.

Edit that and blur it, blur it, blur it. Patreon.com. It's funny about lasers. We built these lasers. We thought it was going to be shooting aliens and burning people's eyes out. And it's just, ah, we got some Jews hair off. Yeah. That's about it.

And a vagina. So much technology is for is is to be weaponized and is created for that it's nice that something that was originally meant to shoot aliens and burn people's light eyes out or at least let's give this jewish person a little less neuroses yeah and lasik is pretty amazing it's kind of burning their eyes out though that's true but it helps them have you had it no my friend had an idea to give him a ride because you know when you get out of there a little you're a little wonky you can't drive after lasik no it's like an abortion right although you could drive after an abortion it's not like an abortion there aren't people protesting outside don't you dare get rid of

those eyes i'll tell you something if prescription glasses were part of the same pharmaceutical company that all of our drugs are i bet you you it would be an issue. The government has a... They don't care if you're sick. They just want to keep you alive so you can pay for more. My eyes, my choice. Good merch. Yes. But you make choice look really blurry.

That's great. We have a good time here, though. That's fun stuff. Any other peeves? That's a great peeve. Good peeve. Go ahead. I'll tell you.

All right. How about this one? This is a relationship peeve, so no offense. Are you seeing anyone? No. Not with those eyes. But all right. You have great eyes.

I have astigmatism when I take a peeve. Holy shit. I take it back. What the fuck? Put those back on, googly. Good Lord. Go! Holy hell. Jesus. All Lord. Oh, holy hell.

Jesus. All right, so how about this one? Oh, fuck. I'm drinking here. Good God. You're hideous. Okay, so got to regroup. But how about this one?

My lady does this. Hey, have you seen the remote? And I go, huh, the remote? There's like three places the remote could be, the couch, the table, or the chair, or whatever. And she's like, I can't find the remote. But she never looked. She's doing the where is the remote without looking. You got to look first, then ask me.

Because then I walk in the living room and I go, it's on the arm of the couch. What are you, crazy? But she didn't look. She just goes, where's the remote without looking you got to look first then ask me because then i walk in the living room and i go it's on the arm of the couch what are you crazy but she didn't look she just goes where's the remote she had two seconds of i need this in my hand it's not in my hand i don't feel like looking i'll ask you no look it's kind of like when you text when you're talking to somebody on text and they ask you a question that they could have googled ah that's a good it's not a pet peeve of mine i'm just saying it's like you just want me to do it for you want me to do it that's what it is right you could have looked i looked so now i'm coming in and doing your job and giving it to you when you wanted i don't even want the remote i'll go a peeve to jump off your peeve jump is when people say where's the and and then they go, oh, here it is. You didn't even finish the sentence.

You didn't finish the sentence. All the time. You just found it. Same vein. Yeah, you know, like, you didn't look. It's like you said, you just wanted me to do it. And that one was so egregious that they didn't even finish the sentence before they found it.

Yeah. Fuck, dude. I'm sorry. No, I'm just saying. That's horrible. We need a peeve. I'm furious. Hey, bud. I'm sorry. Thank you. It's not your fault. Thank you. Don't fuck with me, Sean. Yeah. How about any regs? You got a peeve? No, that was kind of my peeve. I have another peeve that's in the lying category.

But it's more subconscious. When somebody tells you something that is when it's not. How do you spell Pepto-Bismol? P-E-P-T-A-M-O-S-O-L? There's, you know, maybe they put a question mark in there. At least with the question mark cadence, I know that you don't know. That's good.

But what if you don't know? They say it and it's like, say, I think it's. Yes. Or it might be. People are so afraid to say, I don't know. They really are. Yeah. Talking to you, Twitter.

Uh-huh. Pull up Twitter? No, don't pull up Twitter. Just say, I don't know. Just say, I don't know. You're right. I don't know is hard. Yeah.

No. You know what's hard? Having an identity that you might not know everything and projecting that onto other people. No, that's not hard. I'll tell you what's hard. 15 years in a Honduran prison. That's fucking hard. Yeah.

I'll tell you what's hard. Rick's dick after that haircut. Yeah, dude. That shit looks... That's a rocket. That's a cross leg for a reason. You have a sweet dong, dude. Thank you very much.

I can tell you got a decent dong. You know how I can tell? Arm. See that forearm? Does forearm show.... See that forearm? Does forearm show length of forearm? And then you got a solid bi, and you don't work out. I started working out again a little bit recently, but it's more physical therapy after my surgery. That's very different.

I had a penis reduction. Your penis reduction? I did. I really did. Damn. I have a short coming out of it. I really did. I'm so sorry.

It's all right. It's 10 inches now. Oh, all right. You should have kept it small. Hard. The guy doesn't know how to emphasize the thing to make his point. Yeah, my dick's only 8 inches when it's hard. Well, they had

a kid who was born with a gigantic dong and the doctor was like, we gotta do surgery because he's gonna die. And so they were like, we'll knock it down. So they left it at 9. Yeah, that's about bad. Your son is six pounds. His dick is five and a half.

Yeah, yeah. Do you know that some people that penises, they don't get bigger, just fills with blood so it just goes like this? Oh, wow. I like the idea

of one of those labs, like a little tiny baby in a pickle jar and his dick is just floating around. Shoot a laser at it. Yeah. Any wrecks?

Well, one that I have I kind of already did, which is if you have heartburn, stomach problems, indigestion. Diarrhea. Peppermint. Peppermint oil. Now, there's this brand that I love. This is going to be huge for us. And I've pushed it a lot. For me.

It's called iB-Guard, and it's incredible. However, I mean, it's really a magic pill and i've been pushing it to a lot of people but i looked recently and i didn't i apologize it has a green dye in it that is not one of the better food coloring coloring dyes so i recently switched although i still take it when i need it but i recently switched to just natural peppermint oil what the hell it's really magic guard dude if you have a irritable bowel if you if you're not feeling well take it within 10 minutes. Whoa, cramping, diarrhea, bloating, constipation, gas, and bowels.

It gives you all of those. This just does the same shit as Pepto, but it's not as bad for you, you're saying? It's not getting rid of your acid. It's calming it down. You know, I have a quick little anecdote. I had a lot of pasta. Bowel urgency. What a classy way to say it.

I'm going to shit myself. Immediately. It's kind of like saying, instead of saying poor and hungry, saying like food insecure. Yes. Foul urgency. You can tell like they talk to some people who- It's not obese. It's a person of size or whatever.

It's a person of size. That's a real one. Oh, yeah. So what's the anecdote? I ate a lot of pasta and I put a lot of basil on it. It felt great. The next day I finished the pasta. It was out of basil. I had a stomachache. The next day I finished the pasta. It was out of basil.

I had a stomachache. I thought, is it the pasta? Is it the basil? Later I found out, much like mint, it helps you with digestion. So eating basil, mint, is actually really, really good. But if you don't have it on you, IB guard. You got to try some, man. I'm going to try some.

Dude, I'm going to order all this shit tonight. Hell yeah. You think this is a game, Rick? I'm fucking all in, dude. I'm getting magnesium, too. Magnesium helps you sleep, too. That's what I heard. But Mago 7 helps you shit.

Oh, okay. And Magneto helps you get out of the Holocaust. And Magnanimous is what we should sometimes do to people in the room because we remember what it was like masturbating in a bath. Yeah, dude. Baths? Baths. You're sitting in your own semen.

Well, yeah, you would have to shower. I always shower after a bath. What?s bath you're sitting in your own semen no well yeah you would you would have to shower i always shower after a bath what what are you doing three hours in the in the shower i take a bath to relax not to clean myself and i almost only bathe in a hotel i get nice hotels i love a bath you're like a rom-com thanks man okay my friend nick griffin you know our buddy has a bit where he said uh he's on the phone with his friend. He goes, hey, I'm taking a bath. Let's go get lunch. He goes, that's cool. I'm not hungry anymore.

You're just sitting in your own stew. Your own filth. That's why you shower after. Or you can shower before. I know some people shower before getting in. Yeah, you gotta shower before. I told you to shut the fuck up. Easy.

But you gotta shower before. That's what they say. Like getting in a pool. Oh, okay. I'm learning a lot here. This is a weird one. I have a rec for you that I haven't tried yet. Yeah.

First, I'll tell you what I have tried. I don't do a lot of condiments. I know. I'm my mother's child. I guess she does, but unrelated. I love condiments. Very limited. But when you eat turkey, you need something.

And a lot of these fun oils are not good oil. So I don't eat them i recently started putting hummus oh hummus hummus pickles turkey and a lot of lettuce i like that but somebody suggested to me because i i want to eat more fish because covid yeah and i don't love mayonnaise but i like tuna fish he suggested i haven't tried yet instead of mayonnaise in your tuna fish, hummus. Whoa. Never heard of that.

Yeah, me neither. I go ranch. Oof. Wow. I want to be goyish. It's like mayonnaise, but flavorful. Yeah. All right. Try it.

Do you eat ranch? I'm not a big ranch guy. Okay. I like mayo, though. All right. I like mayo. I like mustard. Yeah, mustard on turkey is tops.

I do, because I'm a deli boy. I'm a deli brat, and I love to get potato pancakes. So sometimes either pastrami or turkey or both. I'll get rid of one of the buns, one of the rye breads, and I'll make it the potato pancake on the top. And then I dip the whole. So it's pastrami and or turkey, lettuce. A lot of times I'll take the pickle. I'll cut so I have some slices, pieces of pickle

and I dip the whole sandwich into applesauce. Wow. A great sandwich. I think I might do that tonight. Where's that at Subway? I think we're all done with the honey oat and the fake crab. Aren't you doing well? You eat at Subway still. Well, I'm just saying they can

add that to the roster. You don't eat at Subway. No, I don't eat at Subway. You're trying to connect to the common folk by talking about Subway? Well, I'm just saying they could add that to the roster. You don't eat Subway. No, I don't eat Subway anymore. You're trying to connect to the common folk by talking about Subway? Well, I like kids, but no. I don't. I eat Subway every day for like five years. I used to too. I don't like Subway, but I thought Jared was terrific. Yeah.

You heard what happened, what he did with him and Chris Rock, right? Huh? How he hit Chris Rock? Hit him? Like Will Smith? The Oscars. Jared Fogle? The subway guy. I thought that was Will Smith.

I'm confused. You just confused Jared Fogle and Will Smith? Yes, and I'm embarrassed. I want to say this out. Yes, they were two very influential people when I was a kid.

True. And I truly just messed up the Subway pedophile with the king. And I'm sorry. All right. No problem. But. They look alike. I'm not saying Subway is good.

I'm saying it'd be nice if Sandwich Shop started carrying some shit like this. What's a Sandwich Shop? Quiznos, Jersey Mike's, the other one. They're not, that's why there's all this fucking trash, fake bread bullshit. Yeah. And then there's proper delicatessence. Yes.

And if you want to go to a sandwich shop, go to a deli. Yeah, there's also so many good sandwich shops in New York that aren't those chains. I mean, you could, and same with Los Angeles, but you could support these good sandwich shops you know yeah just also just like better quality everything you know papa john's that's her slogan yeah ingredients better quality papa john's yeah a few more schlurs but better quality it's crazy like like anybody that is it like dave from wendy's anybody that is a character but also a person from something.

Yep. Colonel Sanders. He had plantations, I think. Oh, yeah. Like, all these people have all this history. So, if we think about, like, when you – you know who's the one good one? And it's also – it's made up. And he does so much for children and charity.

Ronald. That's right. Ronald McDonald. Ronald McDonald House. Yeah. That helps kids. Yeah. Ronald McDonald.

Ronald McDonald house Yeah That helps kids Yeah Ronald McDonald They had to have A fake owner To be the spokesperson Because everyone else

Has so many demons And you get to write Ronald Whoa Well look who's talking Dad Look who's talking too Bruce Willis

Glass on the floor Not Jewish Aha But I was gonna go with Dad with the Chief Wahoo We all got We all got skeletons Should we

We do I mean if we're lucky. That's a good point. And if you got a skeleton in your closet, there's been a gay guy in there for too long. All right. This has been a fun one. I think the weed just kicked in, by the way.

Oh, good. It took a little bit. Right in time for your table read right after this. I didn't have much. I didn't have much. Oh, good. Is that an anxiety thing? Does that help you medicate i just love it and i was excited when we were doing this and we had to change the time because of this work thing and and i don't really

drink so i wanted to get like high i wanted you guys to get drunk and me to get really high to have like a very silly time so i just had it in my head i'm like i just did another podcast today and i didn't want to do anything but for this one in particular i'm like i just did another podcast today and i didn't want to do anything but for this one in particular i'm like i want to get a little something all right we like that kind of the tone of the show yeah but i had it too late a little uh altered well uh rick i'm an altered boy is there anything you want to plug i mean obviously shoes off podcast take your shoes off podcast sure great pod i have a thing that's coming out, but... Look how cute.

Wait, go back up. Look at those photos. Boy, you photograph well. Thank you very much. Look at that guy. Thank you. Hello. Would you?

Yeah. Thick head of hair, good chest. He said, would you? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's sweet. So I... Zach Braff, man. Killing it.

Yeah. Well, it's all downhill after that, but I mean, really good stuff out of the gate. No, man, killing it. Yeah. Well, it's all downhill after that, but I mean, really good stuff out of the gate. No, look, I got Fahim. He's big. We love Fahim. I got my family right there. Taren Killam, he's on SNL. Yeah.

Oh, Giannis, Will Sasso. Okay, Jim Jeff. Look at that, 140. Hey, Muriel. 148. How do we get Jim Jeff? What do you know that we don't know? Look at that. He's never in New York. Oh, yeah, true. Hey, pull up. 148. How do we get Jim Jeff? What do you know that we don't know? Look at that.

He's never in New York. Oh, yeah, true. Hey, pull up. You can cut this out. I don't know if you guys have seen this. Hit 144. Watch the beginning of this. Edit this out because this is self whatever the thing is.

Self-promotion. This is good for your pod. All right. Well, if you guys don't care, but I want you to watch how cool this intro is. I can't wait to see it. Holy shit. It's like a Street Fighter 2. Yes, it is. Street Fighter 2

is the inspiration. Oh, wow. Okay. Big flight to New York cross-country. You make this. Shout out to Tom Bates who animated this, but we worked on it together. Tommy. When he did it. Okay, we got a giant green dick on the Empire. This is insane, dude. Wow! This must have cost you a fortune.

Whenever I do a sleepover, whenever I take my stuff on the road, it's called the sleepover series. Oh, wow. This is bringing me back to my youth. Damn, I miss these video games, like Streets of Rage. Come on, how cool is this? Look at this. You got Home Alone. You got Jay-Z, Will Smith, Howard Stern, Trevor Noah.

Me. Oh, my God. I have different outfits. Now we're in your hotel. Comedy me. Oh, my God. I have different outfits. Now we're in your hotel. Comedy cell. Oh, my God. You're picking the location. Come on.

Isn't this awesome? This is incredible. Let's just play the podcast. Can we make this a double length podcast and this podcast will play at the end? You should get an Emmy for that. At least a nomination. It's really... So cool.

So plugging the podcast I guess I mean I'm really really proud of this podcast and and my team and I do such a great job with it and I just uh I don't I have no memory of this it was cold out I guess there's the germaphobe coming out oh i wiped my nose on that one sorry are you going back on the road rick i've never i went on the road i i went on the road for a year like five years ago i've never done there i'm starting just now i've never done it i've done like 15 times ever oh the public would they're clamoring um we don't need to look at this but i have this basketball thing that's coming out um what's that uh i sam i talked about on our podcast but i was kicked out of a basketball

game five years ago which was kind of the inciting incident to a real life discovery and self into self-awareness and it was a really big powerful moment in my life but the email that was sent it was i was in bill lawrence's basketball game he's scrubs and he did my show undateable and ted lasso and he's a very successful big guy runner producer i'm in his basketball game. He's Scrubs and he did my show Undateable and Ted Lasso and he's a very successful guy. Big showrunner producer. I'm in his basketball game and he sent me an email saying some of the guys in the game don't like playing when you're here. Whoa. Too aggressive and blah blah

blah. Well your shoes weren't on. And they incidentally one of the issues was I tied my shoes too much. That's hilarious. But that wasn't why I got kicked out. He invited me back but he said maybe you should leave for a little bit. I tied my shoes too much because I kept having to but that wasn't why I got kicked out but they've invited he invited me back um but he said maybe you should leave for a little bit because in my head in my head you're playing to hard and you're doing whatever you you feel like

you need to do and also being silly and loud and whatever it is and a lot of them they're some of them are you know close to 50 and they're comedy writers and they're just looking to like have a good time cut to the fucking hoop you know and uh but he sent me this email that was a beautiful email it was what i want a barber to do for me which is just hey rick i don't know if you know how people see you yeah but there's some issues here um and uh that email was beautiful and also really hard to it was just a i felt really bad um and. And I made this thing. Joel McHale plays Bill, and the script is the email that he sent me. We added stuff to it.

That's awesome. I saw Joel McHale in the trailer thing he made. Yeah, it's called I Am Phenomenal. That's so cool to use this heartache and make art out of it oh i was writing something incidentally pitching it with bill this was years ago and i ended up working on something else and i wasn't allowed to but i filmed this thing that was just for me to help me write it because when you i found that when i edit stuff i come up with ideas so let me do that once um and then we were pitching the show and i never finished it and i filmed it a few years ago yeah and i was watching it with my

editor shout out john michael recently and it's really funny so we made a new ending and we kind of frankensteined it together I'm telling you guys too much about this well is it out can we see it what it'll be it comes out August 29th so oh I can't wait that's very exciting because I think Rick Glassman has this great photo of him playing against LeBron James in high school which is just an insane thing now I heard he's really good. Rick's really good. Somebody told me that he was, I think, playing a pickup game with someone,

like somebody in entertainment, and they were like, hey, man, you got to dial it back a little bit. Hit that, Baldy. Catch the fucking ball, dude. You're not aware of how other people perceive you. What are you talking about? Good take, you idiot.

Whoops. Are you not entertained? Got it. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Are you fucking nuts? I am phenomenal. I got big balls. I got a cool guy haircut.

I got. I love that, though. Love it. It looks awesome. Yeah, I sent you some clips. Yeah, it was really funny. Thank you. Oh, man.

I'm curious. Joe McHale, amazing comic actor. Oh, he's great. Great timing. Man. I rewatched a few community apps recently. I'm like, God damn, is that guy funny. Oh, yeah.

He's great in Ted. Remember we were watching TED? Yes, that's right. He's Bill Murray-esque. Yeah. He worked with Chevy Chase on Community. And he played Chevy Chase in A Futile and Stupid Gesture. And he did Chevy Chase.

Yeah, he killed it. I mean, he's so good at that. It's also a very similar alpha energy type of thing. Yeah. You know? I love that movie. That movie was so fun. Yeah, isn't it?

Yeah. Oh, there was something I wanted to ask you. Now I'm blanking. I hope you're getting some love on this pod. You put so much work into it. It's been doing well. Okay, good. I hope so.

I'm not part of any of the groups. You know, like, incidentally, like, I love that you guys had me on this, and I love when you do the pod, but that's why I came out to New York to do podcasts. I want to start doing other people's stuff and try to have other audiences find it. It helps. Yeah. You got to share. Spread the love.

Definitely listen to Rick's pod. He puts so much work into it. Thank you. It's fun. This is nice. You throw me for every time I do it, I think it's going to be this, and then it's that. And also, people love you, but you've done it i think four times no three times at least three we'll say three just once i know whenever you're back in la i'd love to have you i think you had a clip go

viral off of that did i i think you did i don't know pretty sure you got a big clip from that um i can't remember what y'all talked about. The amount that I first found out about you, no offense, this was years ago, everybody was commenting to have you on. Well, we have a weirdness that gels. Pun intended. Hey, there we go. Yeah, there's a weirdness. It's nice seeing you be so accepted for your, obviously you developed a craft around it. Right.

But like, I could so empathize, and I'm projecting, I don't know if it's true, but being a kid, what it was like for you and all the jokes that you had to do and how uncomfortable you were. Sure. And then to be able to figure it out. But I connected to you very fast over that.

Well, I think, you know, you got kicked out of a basketball league, basically. And I think that's the key to comedy is, I'm a weirdo, you're a weirdo, you're a weirdo. You've got to find the worst thing about you and kind of accentuate it. That's why you see fat guys who are comics are like, I'm the fat guy. Because they're like, I hate this about me, maybe. And that's what you guys love about me. I remember the year we all met was we were on

new faces together in montreal and i remember mark uh it was like 2013 or something i remember mark uh came up to me he's like there's this guy rick glassman on my show and he's so weird and great i loved it and i was like oh cool so mark was talking you up to me and i was like oh i don't know and then you know and then i think we were like just knew each other by face i i knew i just know i mean you're just i see your clips all the time. For years, I don't know... I remember when you came on, I didn't remember that we met at New Faces.

But I thought you didn't know who I was. I feel bad remembering that. I only remember a few people from our New Faces. There's 14, 20... There's two shows of 14, right? There's 28 people or something? I remember everybody in my class. Pete Davidson, Chris D., Damian Lemon.

We had a good group. But what you were saying about using this thing and heightening it, I feel is definitely a big device in comedy and probably one of the first ones we learn. But it does come from a place of defense and shame and fear. And you're using it and you're turning it and that's a great tool but to me it's a bit surface and then once you kind of get what it is and who you are

and I mean this as corny as it sounds like truly learn to accept yourself you're not needing to heighten those attributes but you're not running away from them yes it's like the n-word it hurts it's horrible and it bothers people but you can spin it away from them. Yes, it's like the N-word. It hurts, it's horrible, and it bothers people, but you can spin it and make it endearing. Sure, give me an example.

Well, let's see. He only does that off camera. There's N-words and there's black people. No, no, no. And N-words have got to go. I don't even want to talk about pastries. Well, we've got to wrap because we've got a lot coming in here. But, Mark, both of you guys, plug some stuff.

Yes. You guys literally are just on my website. All right, I'll be, yeah. Sorry. But, Mark, both of you guys, plug some stuff. Yes. You guys literally are just on my website. All right. All right. I'll be all over the road, you know, clubbing, coming to clubs, theaters, MarkNormanComedy.com, San Jose, New Haven, Toronto, Royal Oak, Michigan, Orlando, Iowa City, Lincoln, Nebraska, Minneapolis, Portland, Oregon, Portland, Maine, Seattle, Vancouver, New Orleans, Boston, Nebraska, Minneapolis, Portland, Oregon, Portland, Maine, Seattle,

Vancouver, New Orleans, Boston, Philly, Nashville. It sounds like you forgot the song. Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, but you did it on order. Oh, I don't know that song. You never learned that song? Remember all the states? No, no. I got them up here.

Check out the Netflix special, please. Same time tomorrow. Oh, when does it come out? September 1st. That's right around the corner. Hey out the Netflix special, please. Same time tomorrow. Oh, when does it come out? September 1st. That's right around the corner. Hey, Bodega Cat. Yes. Spirits.com.

Get on that. I'll be in Omaha, Phoenix, Lexington, New Brunswick, Oklahoma City, Springfield, Missouri, Fort Wayne, Kansas City, Tacoma, Spokane. See you on the road. We might be drunkpod.com for all the merch. Beer Jew, we love you. Matt Peters the merch beer jew we love you matt peters please i could tell you after or now but i want you to keep it wrong because i want this for my podcast i want to show it hit me go to this website please tiso t-y-s-o cards c-a-r-d-s.com

oh you got your own playing cards i do i do no i do trading cards uh scott hepperton unbelievable artist click here and i make them a previous guest and i would love to make you two with You got your own playing cards. I do. I do. No, I do. Trading cards. Scott Hepburn, unbelievable artist. Click here, and I make them a previous guest, and I would love to make you two with your permission and tell me who you... How cool are these? Whoa, it's like a caricature of... Here, scroll down. There's Eric Griffin.

There's Mark Maron. There's Blake Griffin. That one looks awesome. New ones that... Yeah, aren't these amazing? The new ones that just came out, click the Vegas Dads. That's my family. Eric Griffin looks like Wario.

He's Mr. Potato Head. Ah, Cousin Teddy. These are the like Wario. He's Mr. Potato Head. Cousin Teddy. These are the Dragon Ball Z guys. Aren't these awesome? These are so good. I mean, this brings me back to my youth, that kind of art. Love it.

I'd love to be included in the card game. Sam, would you like to be a card? I would be honored. Who would you be? Jeez. Could be from any universe of any inspired. I love the Mariners. Isn't that amazing? That's phenomenal.

Yeah, he's unbelievable. I want either Wolverine or Captain America. I'm already wolverine i'll be captain america do you see tell me why you see yourself as a captain i just liked him always i just did you really could he be captain america before he went goes in the chamber and gets strong okay i don't want him anymore i'll give you the shield still really you have the shield but he can't pick it up who else could i who up. Who's a good person for me? Spider-Man. Yeah, because you're lanky. Yeah, you're Peter Parker-esque. You're long.

All right. Give me Spider-Man. Who do you see yourself as? I want an old school Detective Comics. Dick Tracy? Dick Tracy. Or Detective Comics as in actual DC Comics. Like Robin or Batman, but that old yellow background, very primary colors.

You know who you'd be great as? It's obvious, and it's Detective Comics. Uh-huh. Well, technically it wasn't, but it's Batman. I'll take it. No, no, not Batman. I'm saying it's in Batman. Riddler.

Riddler? Yeah. I don't see that. I don't know. Well, you're not Joker, because Joker doesn't have jokes around him. But as a comedian, I don't know. I see you have his frame. You're doing little riddles, like remember what you did about the Uber?

Yeah. And it was about DUIs? Yeah. That's more of a fun fact. You don't connect to it. I don't know. We got to roll because we got a friend waiting for us. We love you guys.

Rick, you're amazing, guys. This is a great episode. Thank you for having me. Thank you for my last four minutes of commercials. Thank you, guys. Thanks for listening. Sunday's the day for my next offender. A bit of Pivorec, you know the future's close.

I've had a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. Did I get down in the same way? Up on the roof like a cop's coming, and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her and I get down in the same way. We might be drunk.