We Might Be Drunk - Ep 95: Lewis Black

Episode Date: October 3, 2022

The legend Lewis Black joins Mark Normand and Sam Morril on this episode. Sharing stories of the Daily Show, riding around NYC with naked women, getting arrested with Jim Norton and more! See Lewis on the road near you:  https://www.lewisblack.com/collections/tickets Find Mark and Sam in your town:  http://marknormandcomedy.com/#schedule https://www.sammorril.com/shows Join us on Patreon: Patreon.com/WeMightBeDrunkPod Get some shirts: https://www.bonfire.com/store/gotham-production-studios/ Support the show by going to sheathunderwear.com & use promo code DRUNK to get 20% off your first order. Support the show and get up to 29% off some sweet new metal art with the code DRUNK at https://displate.com/wmbd?art=6247414ceddb3      

all right thanks for joining us lewis well i'm right down the block so this was really oh great yeah we worked out on all levels no thanks good thank you well thanks you do you look good that's weird that's why did it look like on other things you look better than you used to look that's what people say that's uh that's one of the things that that thing where people come up and go god you lost weight right thanks so i was what a beast yeah fuck i thought it was okay and if i really needed to lose a lot of weight and obviously was in danger but why didn't you say something oh wow i didn't know you then but todd glass has that great joke about uh he's

like you ever have somebody tell you look like somebody that's super insulting like you look like john goodman but a thin john goodman you look like a good looking pig that's a good one yeah it is todd todd is good the uh yeah no but thank you i've been uh the uh the only thing about the pandemic that was good to me was anxiety really kind of helped oh yeah how did it help you because i lost weight it's the best dieting i mean i really did but you know and what really irks you is your doctor my doctor had said you know it'd be really good if you lost you know 15 to 20 pounds and i lost more yeah okay and then i uh and then the thing is is you're supposed to one would think you you you know, because he said,

one of the great things he said about it was, you know, when you have 20 pounds extra on you, when you're wandering around, it's like carrying 20 pounds on you. Sure. It's like carrying a fucking Belize with 20 pounds all day. Well, I lost the weight. Yeah. And then I lost even more. And then I go back to see him.

And I go, yeah, well, that's a great concept. I still feel like I'm fucking 30 pounds. I still feel like I'm carrying an asshole. Yeah. It didn't go away. It went away, and I still feel it. So explain that. That's just the stress on your shoulders.

You got the anxiety. What do you think is the key to your anxiety? What causes it? Well, no, that was the pandemic. Oh, it was the pandemic. I had never had it before. Really? I'd never had anxiety. I thought every comic had anxiety. No. Uh-uh. Really? pandemic. Oh, it was the pandemic. I had never had it before. Really? I'd never had anxiety.

I thought every comic had anxiety. No. Really? No. No, not every. There are some comics. No, there's some. I go in the LA green rooms.

There's some comics. Oh, good point. Like Tai Chi in that green room. There was like that. Yeah, but I don't do Tai Chi. Yeah. And I'm certainly not happy. But there are a lot of happy-go-lucky comics.

Yeah, Cosby was happy. Yeah. He had a good time. He wasn't lucky. Yeah, Cosby was happy. Yeah. He had a good time. Wasn't lucky. Yeah. Exactly. But now that guy, that guy raped a lot of women.

Yeah. Yeah, apparently. You shouldn't do that. No, that's a big no-no. That and stealing jokes are the two things. I did realize that sometimes I'll get really pissed about a comic stealing jokes, and then you're like, well, now I definitely got to speak out if they rape. I can't be the guy who's only tweeting about the, you stole a joke. Yeah.

He'll be like, rape is bad too. Yeah, I guess because no one's going to rape us. So the joke, you could steal my joke, but you're not going to rape me. So it's pretty selfish. Well, I'm pumped to have you here because I've followed your career forever. I mean, I used to open for Dave Attell a lot. He told me about touring with you. Oh, yes.

I mean, the tour was you and Dave Attell were co-headlining, and the opening act was Mitch Hedberg. Wow! Yeah, it was pretty remarkable. That's insane. It was really insane, and it was also insane because David and I, for some reason, become the faces of Comedy Central. Yes.

Even with The Daily Show being on, Dave and I would do these fucking interstitials at the end of the week. They would have a show, like, you know, some bogus fuck show where they'd have six different comics and some sort of bullshit sketches, whatever the fuck, and they'd have Dave and I introduce this stuff

so that we were always kind of on. Yeah. You know, and he was doing Insomnia, and I was doing The Daily a lot. And all of a sudden, they said, you want to do this tour? Fuck yeah. Hell yeah. And did he tell you about the great Dave Attell story? Oh, I can't wait.

It was one of the great ones. We had a lot of fun. He was still drinking. Oh, God. had a lot of fun and uh he was still drinking oh god he did one thing that was the most the most brilliant thing i've ever seen in terms of dealing with we'd have we'd want to go out afterwards so uh he would uh he would in our in the rider he had him give him a bottle of jaeger yeah of course and i said jesus you're gonna get a bottle every night? It's crap. You can't drink it that much. He said, watch.

So we go to the whatever, we're going to the bar. And he walks up to the bar and puts that bottle of Jager down, slams it down on the bar and goes, drink up, drinks are on us. And then we would walk to the back of the bar. And they like fucking minnows would go, and they'd all scatter and get up to the bar, and he and I could go in the back and just basically not be bothered.

Wow, that's brilliant. It was really smart. But one night we were, I can't for the life of me remember what fucking town we were in. Yeah. But he gets, I left the bar before him

and got back and he apparently walked back to the hotel and then got a cab he's at his hotel gets a cab to go to his hotel he was that fucked up? that's great

how good is that? I've done it before where you're shit faced and you use your credit card to try to get on the subway. I've done that. Which now you can do. Yeah. Right? But back in the day, you would try to swipe like a Visa.

Yes. You're ahead of your time. You're just hammered. Yeah. But this was really something because he sent them to the, he said, I think it's this. And then he would name the hotels. And eventually, he named the hotel he was at and they drove back to the hotel it was really splendid it made me feel so good about my blind you know

shit face drink right right i thought wow i've been fucked up but i didn't do that i mean i'm almost scared to ask but how how was Mitch? Mitch was just Mitch was Mitch. Yeah. Here's Mitch. Mitch is we the first day we're going to Austin. We're in a van. We go get out. We hop out in one of these places.

We're picking up some gas. And it's and there's a whole bunch of these red Solo cups there. And he goes up with about 12 of them to the guy, and he says, how much can I buy these? And the guy goes, yeah, how much are they? And he gives him some money, and he comes out beaming with these 12 red Solo cups. He said, you know, you're never gonna, you never know when you're gonna,

you need one of these. And I just went, wow, we are in, I thought this is going to be one of the strangest. That was it? You think he was fucked up? He must have been.

Well, if he's not, then it's just. Then it's dementia. Yeah, then something. Poor boyish excitement. Yeah. Well, I mean, those red solo cups, I thought, you know, you live in Minneapolis, for he's not, then it's just... Then it's dementia. Yeah, then something... Poor boyish excitement. Yeah. Well, I mean, those Red Solo cups. I thought, you know, you live in Minneapolis, for fuck's sake.

You were born and raised there. I know they have Red Solo. You know, you can't be trying to impress Dave and I. No. We've seen those fucking cups. Right, right. I guess those cups equal a good time. It's like a party or a barbecue.

Beer pong. Beer pong, yeah. But he was very funny, and he was there for... Right. I guess those cups equal a good time. It's like a party or a barbecue. Beer pong. Beer pong, yeah. But he was very funny, and he was there for, but we had said at the beginning that we were not, Dave and I both made it very clear, you are not expecting us to be in charge of him. Oh, wow. You know? Yeah. You cannot ask Dave and I, who are are going who are going to go to the bar

right and going to be up right to be in charge of the other this is like a hangover movie right here totally i just throw in heroin that's the only difference damn but was he was he soberish on the on the road with you guys or no well i the first day, it was one of those things where you get your, you know, you have your rider, and we'd never had, none of us, you know, we'd all work clubs, we'd never had a rider, so it was like, I'll get a, I got a

vodka, Dave got the Jaeger, and Mitch got a bottle of vodka, and it was like, and he was supposed to be in a sobriety thing oh boy so it was kind of like dave and i looked at each other and went oh okay well okay well that's that yeah you know this is not this is not but we're gonna have to call the guys again and say you know we're not and he he got a bottle of vodka each night for a while. And then I don't remember because, I mean, I literally, okay, a bottle of vodka each night.

What happens is by the third night, you go, I got two and a half bottles of vodka. Yeah, exactly. It's completely stupid. Yeah, well, you got those solo cups. Yeah. Fill them up. Can I ask, though, like back in the day, I feel like in Comedy Central, they used to air all these tours. I remember seeing your tour with David Tell and Hedberg.

Then I saw the Geraldo one. Then you'd have tour guys. They used to put these on TV. I don't feel like we do that anymore. Do we? No, not. You don't see comedy tours. No, no.

What they do now is then they get, which goes back to before that when they'd get four people and they'd go, tonight is, you know know here's the the best of the the best of the scooters yeah here come the scooters and they're these these are these are every comic who talks about scooters where i have them on tonight and they'll be four of them you know they just do it they package it they package it it's not a long yeah it's yeah it's not the uh the way that you know they did they and they only really did some of that yeah you know i feel like being a comic at that time was so rock and roll,

like so much of comedy, a lot of comics seem to be going through a health phase, but you were in this time when it was like, you're drinking, Attell's drinking, Hedberg's doing God knows what. You know, and I think of those stories,

I remember, I don't know if it was in your book or in Jim Norton's book, I read about you guys getting arrested. Oh yeah, it was Norton and I. Ooh, let's hear it. Oh yeah, well that's the one, it's the, that's, your book or in jim norton's book i read about you guys getting arrested oh yeah it was norton and i let's hear it oh yeah well that's the one it's the the uh that's um it was the naked party bus i can't remember what they called it god damn it there was a name for it and it was we were doing

um opium oh right jim was starting to become part of that group but hadn't reached that you know hadn't been brought on right as a regular I was on there at least once every 10 days yeah wow and it was great they were on in the afternoons and uh and I was really comfortable and Anthony and I would just scream at each other yeah just great he was so full of and he thought I was so full of and we just bellowed each other and there was no and it's this whole thing of now we live in a great divide. He and I were on a great divide, but neither of us took it seriously. Both of us knew that we were full of shit.

So, you know, I'm yelling at him, he's yelling at me. Then they say we've got a bus coming today, and there's going to be these we've gotten these girls who's supposed to be these uh these these girls are going to be uh naked on the bus and uh did Jim and I want to go on the bus well you yeah you know and it was and it never crossed my mind if they go teenage and this still is not registering until later uh when um but we we get on the bus and uh the boyer bus they called it ah there you go it was called the boyer bus and the deal was is they were driving around the country and there was one girl who was in it at that point i think there

may have been two of them but one at that you had come to new york and they drove around the whole idea is you drove around the city in order to um to express our the our first amendment rights oh hey that's good on you sister really isn't that like something you think the first thing you think of is take naked girls around and that's our first amendment now Now, are they attractive? Because sometimes these First Amendment gals can be a little rough around the edges. I know what you're thinking, but no. Oh, great. No, it was really humble. That's the way to express your freedom of speech, I think, is tits.

Exactly. But it's also the same. I said at the time that we were doing it, it's like saying you don't yell fire in a theater. It's like saying the equivalent of saying, well, don't yell fuck you in a theater. Right. That's, you know, that's, I mean, come on, guys. The First Amendment, just say it for what it is.

Whatever it is that you're trying to sell, let's go sell it. And thank you for inviting me on the bus. Yes. Now, did DeSantis send this bus up here? This was back when when when things were fun yeah those were the days remember when this was not a political statement oh my god i know these breasts are making no statement whatsoever except to the delight of norton and me and there was another producer producer and along the way we picked up a friend

of mine who was the artistic director of a theater that I did a lot of work at in the summers. I said, you know, he was married and I said, I think you're going to want to do this. And so he hopped on the bus. You're his wife's least favorite friend. And here's a big one.

You know who Kate Burton is? I don't know. You don't? Really? Wow, that's great. I can't wait to tell her. It's Richard Burton's daughter. Oh, okay.

And a really fine actress. It's her husband. Isn't his son an actor, too? Yes. But she's the one. Well, who's Richard Burton's son? Because he's also famous, isn't he? Richard, I don't know.

I know her, but what I really know, and I know her husband really well, so I got him on the bus. Now we're driving around, and it's just before Christmas, okay? So we're driving all over. We're coming right down fucking, you know, right down Ninth Avenue.

Right down fucking Ninth. Coming from the where we were on 56th Street. We spin out of there, come down and we move through the city like a bat out of hell. Oh, yeah. And these girls are standing there and then we would roll up and they'd be we'd be sitting there. These guys would be looking up and these girls are standing there kind of doing a little bit of a dance and going, yeah, that's right, go fuck yourselves, you pieces of shit. So that's what they're saying. The whole thing was just magnificent to watch. Of course.

Because they're getting back at them. They think they're getting the show. And meanwhile, what's extraordinary is these old ladies who were the ones you think, they're thumbs up. Yeah, yeah. They're like, couldn't be happier. Nobody bothered. It's Christmas, you fucking idiots.

Everybody is happy. Here comes a bus filled with tits. Yes. Who could complain? So we go all the way around. Now we've gotten around at fucking 4 o'clock, 3.30, 4, 4.30. So we're getting into rush hour, and we're moving like about out of hell.

And we get through the city in 40 minutes. Wow. Well, you get out of the way for tits. You got to open up. And the cops who would listen to Opie and Anthony, because the cops weren't stupid, were always on top of the fact that if they were going to do something idiotic, they need to kind of have to deal with it. Right.

So that they knew they had to help us get through. And they did. And there was no sense of traffic being fucked up. Spectacular. Yeah. We're three blocks from the studio. We dropped my friend off. He's so fucking lucky he got out of that fucking.

He gets off. We drive three more blocks. We're three blocks away from where we have to be. And the cops stop us and basically drag, take us off the bus. They put us in those fucked up handcuffs, those plastic handcuffs. The zip ties. The zip ties. And they took all of us, including the girls, everybody.

Really? Everybody get off the bus. And it's because at that point, Rudy Giuliani was the mayor of New York and he was going to be sure. He said that we were disturbing. There it is. It's my friend. And he said we were going

to be disturbing the peace. Wow. Come on. And it was like, fuck you. And it was also, here's the, it was like, it's always amazing how this shit that's the most honest thing you can say is funny. So why did we, why did they also take us off the street? Because within an hour and a half later, an hour and a half max, I mean, probably, he was coming through was Bill Clinton. Who was the president at that point.

So he's coming through so we're basically being busted he's gotten a blow job we're getting busted for being on this bus yeah and you're not you and we're not breaking the law because why in new york city uh women can be topless that's right yeah so the whole thing was madness well bill clinton did was worse yes getting your dick sucked by your employee in the oval office is worse than a titty bus in midtown yeah it is it would seem to be it would seem to me he should he should have waited a lot longer to get by or they should have told him the bus was coming through would you like to join us it was really something i mean it was one

of those things and then they took us and we were in jail for a day and a half. Wow. Wow, a day and a half? Yeah. Well, they took us in, yeah. No, they took us in that night, that afternoon. Is there a mugshot? We had a gig.

No, not that I remember. There was no mugshots because we didn't even get that far. We went in. We stayed there, and then Jim would would remember and then i can't remember the next day um we had to get we we had to be tried by uh that by a certain time and if and if we weren't that we'd be there the whole weekend so this was like a thursday i think when we got caught we go in there in the evening and then and then they put us into gen pop which is a general population so now we're sitting in there jim and i and jim at that time as much as jim

would talk of good ball game or i could certainly go go fuck yourself pretty easily we're like going this has gone too far and then we're going you know i think maybe i said did anybody card those girls did anybody card the girls did anybody card the girls that's all we need jim yeah that's it we're gonna have we're gonna get busted for this now we're gonna get busted for being on a bus with topless girls god damn it and they're underage we're fucked oh no so that's all you're next to jeffrey epstein in the cell he's like i, I got their age. I think they're good. And I was in Jeffrey Epstein's house once. What?

Yes, with Bobby Slayton. I've got nothing. When they got up to go to the bathroom, did he smell the seat? No. How was Jeffrey Epstein's house? Unbelievable. I mean, but what was the occasion? How was Jeffrey Epstein's house? Unbelievable.

I mean, but what was the occasion? Bobby Slayton, I, Woody Allen, and Sun Yee. Oh, my God. This is like a Mad Libs. Holy moly. It is. That's a very good one. That's nice, man.

There was Dick Cavett. Wow. And not, I can't think of his name. I can see him. Harvey. No. Epstein. Not a good guy, but he throws a hell of a dinner party.

Yeah. I mean, he's a good guest. But it was, and then there was one other comic, and I can't remember, he's passed away. Craig? And it's another one. Patrice? Louis Anderson? No, no, no. Norm?

Bob? Zagat? Gilbert? Nobody he'll reach. Oh, okay. I mean, it's one further back. He's married. I know everybody's married.

Not Richard Jenney. No. Freddie Roman. Alan King. No, no. We could play. It sounds like. Okay.

So what's going on here? I think it began with a G. And I can tell you this. He was married to Ty Babylonia. All right. That's all you need. Ty Babylonia's husband. And I can't think of his...

How do you get invited to Epstein's? If fucking Slayton called me up and said, you know, he really likes comics. Randy Gardner. No, that's a figure skater. No. All right. Blind Boy Tano. Tony Harder.

He was a middle act. So, yeah, what's the occasion for this? It was that Bobby had gotten this. He had invited a bunch of, you know, Epstein was like, let's go, you know, let's get a bunch of hoo-hahs together. I mean, if you looked at the list of people he hung out with so he liked Bobby's work and then he said he liked he he wanted to meet me apparently but Bobby because he's got really unbelievable wine we're gonna drink really great said okay fuck it now I

know nothing about him it's yeah it's David Brenner Davidid legend wow and he was really funny it was so funny this place for wine yeah so it was he held his bottles 16 years so i'm there nothing is this is years ago this is way but this is like seven years before the the hits the van oh yeah and we're And we're there, and I'm... And it was just kind of wild. And then the capper of the evening is, at the very end, David Blaine shows up. Whoa! Oh, yeah.

Can you make these charges disappear? So he... That was our night. And I'll tell you, there were young girls flitting about, but I didn't know, having not figured out anything on the Boyer bus about age, I had no idea. I didn't know how old or young they were. Sure.

And there was a woman who was an older woman who was really, really attractive. And I thought she... I thought she was the one that was Epstein's girlfriend. That's what I thought. And it was the kind of thing you go into. When we got here, here's what's... It's weird from the beginning because it's like you go in and he's got a whiteboard and there's all of this stuff drawn on it. And he goes, you want me to tell you what that is?

And I go, yeah, well, sure. Bobby and I, he goes, you know, I had the Israeli defense minister here last night for dinner. And then he's got me and Bobby Slayton. Why? Fuck. And he shit me. and then he's got me and bobby slayton what kind of a you me and then he said and so we were talking about he was showing me what kind of defense systems israel would use in case of attack wow and i thought you know what first up what is the israeli defense minister what the is the man why would you tell me this is already now it's

weird yes nothing else is weird but i know this was like something is wrong in this house yeah this is a guy who's working on his defense many years before that's interesting i mean and this place was outstanding right i mean it was just yeah it was gorgeous yeah you can see it it was upper west it's upper no it's upper it's between madison and fifth oh okay in the 60s and it kind of is like a big no, it's between Madison and Fifth. Oh, okay. In the 60s. And it kind of is like a big, you know, it was a big, and it didn't have a lot of furniture and it was very bare, but it was, but it looked, it was done well. Yes.

And the wine was stupidly expensive. And it was. Was it great wine? It was really great wine. Can you tell when you're like having great i can't really tell i but i can because that's my that's it's just another way to hide your alcoholism right you can go boy now i can take i have a sense now of what's good yes i'm a connoisseur not an alcoholic yeah exactly that's how they were in kentucky all week and they're

like so proud that they're like these bourbon sommeliers but i'm like you're still a good job you can tell that they're caramel notes you're still wrapping your car around a fucking pole you know yeah exactly heroin addicts know when it's pure shit yeah versus but it was really um and we got invited back again ah yeah bobby said you want to go i said i ain't going that house again oh. Oh, really? No, absolutely not. I don't care how good the wine is. I said, something is fucked up in there and I don't know what it is. It was one of those things, too.

You don't know this thing. It's that thing where somebody wants to hang out with you and they may be able to give you something. But you go, I don't fucking want it. It feels weird. Then you're indebted to them. Who knows what. Bobby's like, I don't want it. It feels weird. Then you're indebted to them. Bobby's like, we're getting massages. Did you know Woody Allen?

Well, I remember you were in Hannah and Her Sisters. Yeah. It's a great movie. Great movie. It turned his career around. One of his best, I think. I agree. Top three.

What was that like to be? I said, I kept saying, I think it's the first movie he made money off of. And I said, and I'm the only person in it who really brought it over the top. I had a good time working with him. I mean, I really, here's something. I mean, I don't know if you guys have ever done a movie, but here's a smart thing he taught us. It was me and a guy named Christian Clemens who did a bunch of television afterwards and films. And we were doing our first scene. It's the first scene I've ever done in a movie.

You must have been shitting bricks. I mean, this is terrifying. Woody Allen, this is your opening movie. Yeah, it was. And it was really, and I kind of could fuck with him because I've been in theater. So I had, and I knew his work in terms of theater and stuff because he'd been. So I could fuck with him on that level. I said, you know, because there's all this shit on there and we're going to go do this scene.

And we shot the first scene. We shot it. We said we're going to rehearse and we did it. And we got back in and there had been a bunch of fuck-ups and i said oh i guess i guess this is you know you wanted to do this instead of theater yeah and uh and he he didn't really laugh but i thought okay well at least i gave it a shot and we and we and then he said okay we're gonna rehearse it again and then we said we got one more and we'll get the cameras right we did it again And well once we did it again. He said that we got it. Let's move on He said I want you to think of everything that we're doing is a rehearsal. Oh

Interesting keep you loose it was and that would that was huge Wow yeah, cuz you realized oh fuck You know I didn't think about it I didn't worry about it and I still to this day I will try to use that but you still they go roll them and you still tighten up that's good but it's a great it really is one of the few lessons I had in my life in terms of just basically dealing with a camera that in in terms of film because you sometimes you're on it for three minutes five minutes whatever if you don't think of it as like something that's got to be done and just think of it as we're just doing it.

Yeah, that's good. Your Woody Allen joke was too soon-y. Oh, wow. He's not a guy you seem like you can really – you don't picture like the roast of Woody Allen. You're roasting David Hasselhoff. You're not roasting Woody. You're roasting David Hasselhoff.

You're not roasting Woody. What's funny was how that he's outside of that set. He doesn't seem to be. He's more introverted on the set. On the set, he's that guy. Yeah, right. That's when he is that guy. And he's a very good director.

And the kids were around. Yeah. And I didn't, you know, I'm the one who goes, I don't, you know, that was the weird thing is I didn't notice anything. The kids seemed to be, what do I know?

Yeah, yeah. You know, people, Jacques Hughes, you work for them, you son of a bitch. What the fuck was like, you know, what are you fucking?

Yeah, what was that, 92 or something? Yeah, and I still, I could go through the whole history of it, and we'll do that on the next one. Will you bring me back for Woody Part 2? Oh, yeah. Epstein Part 3. And whatever did happen inside the jail.

What was interesting, though, to get back to that, was after that after they took norton and i we went in when we once we got to the fucking because we had to be out of there yeah now it's like eight o'clock then they've got till like 8 30 or something and they're they bring in the first group and the judge goes are you fucking kidding me i mean basically there was a female judge who said i you've got to be kidding me she said of all the things going on in new york city at this point in time just before christmas that you are really going to tell me that you want me to try these people all right and keep

them in june what is the matter with you you know what planet are you on nothing bad happened it was fine and they got through and a half and here here and then and they got to the first four the next four in the next where we all were like we were out of there and when we got up it was like stop yeah really go get out of here damn it's a different time because just think about being on that bus now everybody would have phones out and all this would be recorded and then even the jail stuff you're like like, I've got to get content at the trial. You take your phone. Yeah, I know.

I'm just saying, like, it's just a better time when you could just live. Now everything is recorded and filmed. There's much more freedom, for sure. There was a lot. I mean, it was really, and it was funny, and it was just silly, and it was goofy. And then they tried to get us, and it's like, you know, you're talking to Norton and I who are paranoid enough that you've got internal affairs there. We're trying to bust the cops who have become now. I, you know, become because of that fucking show.

All the cops know who I am. Oh, great. So it was like these are people. Don't fuck with you. Don't fuck with my friends. You fucking idiot. What are you kidding me? You're going to come here and investigate the cops who got all these people through yeah all they did was do their job

properly and you're seeing it as a crime fuck you here here that's one thing i'll say about cops they love comedy i got my moped stolen recently and i went to go they found it and i went to go pick it up and they were like we've heard you are you on opn are you on this and that i was like yeah and they were all going nuts. It was great. Yeah, no, it is. It makes it, they listen to it. Oh, yeah.

And they're great. Yeah, they need a laugh. Yeah, a lot more now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So have you been on the road a lot?

I just started. Hey. I had to. I was so pissed because I had to stop. You pissed? Get out of here. Because I was, I did my, I did, I went from December to May 15th. And May 15th, I did a new special.

Oh. And then, and then because everybody was using, because all of these people were trying to get back into theaters. Yeah. I couldn't get back in until, they had to push stuff that i did until uh till till this uh till now yeah i'm kind of you know still cleaning up the stuff that i hadn't done before so sure i went i was on the road and did new england and then i go to uh warren ohio this week and tomorrow and quit bragging yeah no you're me? I don't even know where that is. I don't either. It's

near Akron and kind of near Cleveland. And then on to Dayton. Carmel, Indiana. Please, get a pen! Get a pen! This is the Build Your Hour Back Up Tour. Yeah, yeah.

Totally. So I gotta say, you know, I'm a a fan i've been watching you for years did you know and you probably do know this but george carlin was interviewed years ago and he said who do you like they said who do you like you know coming up and he said you and hedberg yeah it was unbelievable i mean what a yeah what a tip of the cap and it was huge for me because nobody knew me oh really no i i literally was just on The Daily Show for two years, maybe. I was just starting to get known. I was playing clubs and wandering around, and I had, I don't even know if I had my first CD out.

Wow. You were crushing in the clubs, though, I heard. I heard you were a dude that when I was even, I mean, you were further established at this point, but people would say Lewis used to crush stand-up New York, all those local clubs. It was fun to do. Yeah.

It was really fun. And it was fun to, and I miss, in a way, I really do miss being in that lineup with Gaffigan or Kevin Meaney or Mario Cantone. I mean mean the people who i was in the lineups with were it was just fun yeah you know you and mario canton back to back is a fun show that's a lot imagine i'd be standing there screaming about reagan at the top of my lungs and then and then mario would follow me yeah and uh and that was what was great, too. None of us had any, we all got such a kick out of it.

It wasn't like you were competing with somebody. It was like, great, great, now I get to follow that? Great, this will be good, because the room was really bouncing around. And Mario wouldn't be on the stage. They'd introduce him. And then he, in the corner, after I had just come off, would start singing, as Tina Turner,er what's love got to do with it and he would sing that song all the way onto the stage so now the whole now the room's going

crazy for another reason i love it and then and i saw the best uh they don't do it i don't know if they do it anymore do you where they come in somebody comes in from like network or from comedy central to watch you. Not really. You hear that shit go on. So they were coming in to see Kevin Meaney. It was, I forget the show. It was one that John Candy had done the movie.

And Kevin was going to be on the TV show. And they were coming in to look at him. Okay. It was ABC. And he did a thing called We Are the World. Yes. Which is really just spectacular. That was his signature bit.

It was his signature bit. And it was right at the point where he had it perfected. And I'm following him. Yeah. And they're all there to watch him. And the thing to me was always in terms of that, there was always an inordinate amount of, you know, you're going to go from,

you know, eating fucking gruel to eating gruel with nuts. But it's just a rehearsal. That's how you got to look at it, you know? But he got up there and crushed. It was one of the most extraordinary auditions because I'd seen the piece 17, 20, 30 times. And I was like, holy, how did he find, you know, that thing where you go, how did he find the next

level? And the audience went berserk. Berserk. And then I had to follow him. And I walked on stage and I said, you have no desire to see me. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to take some time right now to just admire how fucking funny he is. You got to do that. And how good this bit was.

And you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to sit down. And when you're done, I'll get up and talk to you. That's very smart. It was great. Yeah. Well done. And they went on for like, but they went on talk to you and the audience was great yeah well done they went on for like but they went on for like seven minutes it was great i did i remember we used to do the competitions in new york called march madness and it was like comic versus comic i

called it uh eight mile for jews basically but you go head to head against another comic you know your minute versus their minute then it would go up to like four minutes versus their four minutes and i went against this comic james madden it was unbelievable at crowd work on really goes up there And I just have to watch him just fucking Eviscerate just the room is on fire. He's just over look at this guy look at this just murdering I'm like I can't follow this because you gotta do stay doing your so I I just had to go up and I said I Can't do that and it got a huge laugh. And that kind of saved me.

I was just like, I can't do what he did. And it took a minute. They all kind of applauded. And then I was able to go into my jokes. But you do have to acknowledge. Or you just get buried. You get buried. You got to.

I mean, that's the thing that I never understood. And you see it all the time where you got that fucking idiot on stage. And the audience hates them. Yes. And they're acting. A, either that they love them or B, you know, that they're missing the point. I call it the Dale Carnegie School of Comedy where they just, you know, couldn't be happier with the shit that they're doing. Yeah. And it drives me fucking nuts.

And there's no connection at all. No connection. So I never understand how you don't recognize that. And when I've hit the shitter, when I was first working and hitting the shitter, I would make jokes about it. Sure, yeah. I would lie down. I would say, what I'm going to do now, I think it's seeing me that's bothering you.

I'm going to lie down on the stage and do the material. You know, whatever it took. But you have to acknowledge it. You have to. And that's something you only get from just doing reps and actually bombing every now and then. Yeah, exactly. And being able to see that you can get comfortable up there. I have a question for you because I saw you, I think it was on CNN,

it was many years ago, it must have been like, honestly, like close to 15 years ago, so I don't remember the exact context of this, but you were on with a bunch of politicians, and you were just being funny, and they were asking you serious questions about policy, and at one point you went, I'm a comedian. Yes! Like, why are you asking me this? And I do feel like comics now like

not every comic they weren't always this political not every comic of course feels political now so much feels you have to have a take on everything yeah i guess my question is basically like did you feel like they were like what are they doing like what is this you know like why are they going to you for those types of answers when we're we're not in this for that no no and then i stopped going on their shows oh good i said you know um i'm going i'm going to go on as a comic and you're going to talk to me as a comic and that's it i'm not here i'm not getting you you're not going to push me in the position of being um you know a commentator you're not going to push me into a position of an editorialist. I'm not. I'm sticking with my comedy. And so I fucking...

Ben Stein. I was on a show with him and there were a bunch of others. I made a joke about Schwarzenegger. The fact that he was running for governor or was governor of California. And I said something in fact that you know Jews never never really trusted Austrians and I can't remember what the kind yeah it's a stupid joke it was a Jewish joke that was you know and it and it's a funny and I'd done it before and it's a funny joke and the people there left but Ben Stein went, well, you know that Arnold has given a lot of money to Joe. Shut up! Come on.

You know why we're here. Yes. I said, Arnold, why don't you call him tonight and tell him I said the joke? Okay? What is the matter with you, Ben? Geez, and he's a comedy guy. He should get that. Yeah, but not.

And if anyone shouldn't trust him, it's his wife. I mean, that's, you know. All of them. All of them, yeah. It is amazing how articulate Arnold could be, where you'd watch him, and, you know, he's giving these, like, he gave that speech about, you know, the night of the broken glasses, and you're like, wow, he's so articulate and interesting, and then he's just, like, grabbing asses as they walk by.

I mean, it's really an amazing. It's unbelievable. He's a charming guy. I mean, Pumping Iron an amazing, it's unbelievable. He's a charming guy. Pumping Iron was awesome. Pumping Iron was awesome. He's an A-list movie star. They know how to charm you. He'll be back.

But yeah, Jon Stewart said the same thing. He was on, I think, Tucker Carlson. This was 10, 12, 15 years ago. And they were like, what the hell, Jon? He's like, I go on after puppets. You know, I'm a comedy guy. It's a jokey show. But everybody now feels the need to have an opinion.

Yeah. Really. An opinion is easier than writing a punchline. You get more retweets being like, this is an outrage, than just writing an observational joke. Exactly. You know, I mean. Seriously?

I think so i think that's the tough i mean because i find it um i find it i i always get irritated when i get which happens because i get i've been up there and i'm like bellowing like a lunatic and i don't really have a punch line i'm still trying to find the bit and i'll finish and they all go you know yeah and you go no no no i and all of them all that reminds me of yeah yeah you gotta find out I'm still trying to find the bit. And I'll finish and they all go, you know. Yeah. And you go, no, no, no. And all it reminds me of, yeah, you got to find, now I got to fucking think about this again.

I got to find a laugh somewhere. I know. If they applaud at the end of a series of punchlines, it's like an acknowledgement they like the bit, that's fine. But if they applaud just because they agree, you're like, yes, who gives a shit? Clapper. Yeah.

Clapper. Yeah, it's a very, it's true. It's weird. It it's weird it's more of an agreeance show than a comedy show it's weird when they do it and like you'll be in like new york city and some guys like i think gays should be allowed to get married you're like yeah it's manhattan dude yeah right like what this isn't an edgy take you see anything or like a you know pro roe v wade you better have a fucking good punchline if you're doing that in the West Village. Yeah, tell me why you don't think gays should get married. Now we're listening. Now that's comedy.

Like, I want to hear that take. Yeah, really. And there's six good jokes there. There are. I mean, I forget who it was. It was the first time I, you know, the first one who did the joke. And there were probably 10 people in the country during the, you know, that said, you know, the first one who did the joke, and there were probably 10 people in the country that said, you know, the gay thing is like, you know, really? Let them get married.

Right. You want to suffer, you fucks? Let them get married. They don't know what suffering is. They have no idea. Exactly. This is what they wanted. You know, and there's 500 variations.

Of course. Fran Lebowitz said that in her book. She was like, you guys want to, gays want to get in the military and get married? What the fuck are we doing? Yeah. And it's really, I mean, it's sitting there. That's where you go, and then you might go further with it. Yeah.

But then there's people with no sense of humor going, wait, wait, so you don't think? So you're homophobic. You're like, wait, how'd you get homophobic? I'm like, I'm trying to get a rise out of you. Yeah, I know. And I get, I have to now, I go, now, I'm in, part of it is basically punching both sides. Yes. It's like you're kind of going, okay, you fucking lefty idiots over there, and then

I'm punching over here to the right, and then I got to punch the left, you know, because that woke shit is, I mean, it's madness. It's kooky. It's exactly, you know, they meet right right they don't have any clue that they meet right here it's bad it is bad for comedy i mean it really is bad i i i believe it'll pass it'll pass i think it'll pass but you guys are getting fucked thank you on the horse's mouth appreciate it looking for something different to cover up that hole in your wall? Displate is that cool new metal poster that you'll want in every room. They have millions of cool designs available featuring gaming, movies, comics, and anime.

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code drunk and get 20 off your first order every order comes with sheath 100 money back guarantee that sheath underwear.com promo code drunk get sheath underwear and let them support your ball bag hell yeah who you are i mean it really is it's bullshit well we we push through but yeah it's just it's like a gnat where you're like all right come on get out of the way you'll it'll it is cool to see live comedy now more than ever because it does have almost like a prohibition vibe. Right. Where you're in the club and you're like, this is the place we can say it.

You know, I was doing these jokes about the queen in Louisville and they're killing. And I'm like, I can't say this shit on any show. Yeah. No show will let me say these jokes. Right. But in a club, they were loving them too much to the point where I'm like, all she is dead go easy on her money isn't it they're like fuck that bitch i'm like where'd you get bitch they were getting pretty mad i'm like i mean but this is why comedy is so popular right now live comedy is we are in a huge boom because i think it's like the jimmy fallons

of the world i was on fallon recently and my best joke got cut because it involved Amber Heard or something. I can't remember what I said. Or it involved Biden or something. And they're like, ah, we don't know. And you're like, oh, so you're out on comedy. We're more concerned with being likable than funny. Yes. Death to funny.

Death to smoochy. I mean, I did The Daily Show yesterday, and I had a great time. My best laugh got cut. And I'm like, you were scared to put this in there. And it killed for your crowd. I know. You did it what? I did it yesterday.

Oh, you did it? Yeah. Oh, wow. And my best joke got cut. No shit. That's the state of the industry today. That's why it's all going online. I'm sure they were like, we don't want to deal with the pushback.

Sure. But it wasn't a malicious joke. But I can tell that they were nervous. What was the joke? The joke was, okay, so. We'll cut this later. And I'll be sure to cut it before I send it out to my social media people. They could have been nicer when I was there, and I want to preface it.

I don't know who cut it or why they cut it, but I said we were doing a bunch of talk about trans jokes, and I had a joke go viral with you know the trans world for being a pro trans joke so that's i think why it caught steam because you know yeah there aren't a lot of pro trans jokes out there so then i had a thing where this blogger came after like all these people like this is our guy and i was kind of like slow down i don't want to be your guy, whatever. And I'm just nervous. I don't want any responsibility.

I'm just a comic, you know? And this one blogger who tried to ruin my career in 2013 basically said, he made this horrible joke in 2013. He's a bad person. I shit you not,

she's now a man. Look at that. And I said, you were a woman in 2013. It's not possible that I'm a better man. It got an applause break on the show, and they cut it,

and I was kind of like, oh man, that was my biggest pop of the show. So it was a bummer. But I don't know the reasons they cut these things. Were you doing stand-up? I wasn't doing stand-up. It was an interview. Wow.

Oh, that's great. And Trevor couldn't have been nicer and more gracious, and I don't know why the joke was cut. Oh, good, I didn't know that's great. Oh, that's great. And Trevor couldn't have been nicer and more gracious, and I don't know why the joke was cut. Oh, good. I didn't know. That's great. Yeah, it's on YouTube. Check it out.

Yeah, no, I will. I'll watch it. That's great. But that joke got cut. That's a fucking funny joke. That's weird. It is weird. That's my issue.

That's my fear with kind of the wokeness, where it's not based on fact. But they yelled at him about stuff. That's why. I'm sure he gets plenty of time. Well, they do. where it's not based on fact. But they yelled at him about stuff. I'm sure he gets plenty of time. They do. I've watched him yell about stuff. I bet it wasn't him. I bet it wasn't him who did it.

And it could have been Comedy Central. Of course. I would imagine. I'm sure they didn't want to deal with it. That's all it is. Yeah. No, I'm sure it was Comedy Central because Trevor's been

caught on certain things where you're not caught. He is one of the most supportive of comics that I've ever met. Yeah, he's a real comic. He's a great dude. Yeah, no, he gets it.

I don't think it was him. No. No, I can't imagine. I think it was some scared producer who was like, I don't want to deal with this shit. And it wouldn't be

a producer there. It's somebody at Comedy Central because they will step in and do their... You know, look at it. It's the... We got... You know, it's... That's it.

It's that. And nothing... There's hardly anything on this fucking station. I know. I know. But they don't realize that that's the reason that it's failing. Like, the Emmys this year was, like, the lowest rated ever. Yeah.

Jimmy Kimmel does some, you know, know bullshit joke it was very innocuous and he got called a racist and a clan member and all this and you're like this is why no one's watching we're just done with it the problem is these shows already seem out of touch and then you throw that on top of it right they're dead of course they want to watch a podcast where you know cut. It's just people talking. Of course that's the popularity of podcasts. And I still like the idea of shows where you do an interview for a crowd because you have to turn it on. You have to be funny.

The lights, the cameras. I love that. Showbiz. Yeah. That's a good one. And Trevor is easier, I think, probably to have done it with. He didn't do it. It wasn't a lot of set up joke stuff, was there?

No, it was just a conversation. Exactly. Because that's what drives me nuts when I do those things is that, you know, now we're going to go over what you do. What? You can just say Byron Allen. Can't we just talk? Yeah, I know, right? I don't understand it.

When I literally was a kid, that's what they did. There were people on certain shows, Jack Parr, which is legendary, way back. But he'd have somebody on the show literally in the course of a year a hundred times. Wow. And they were on the show for specifically the person for the for what you're talking about and what you guys do here they were on the show for conversation sake yeah i like i watched an old tom snyder interview with jerry seinfeld and tom snyder is such a great interviewer like he did it was so different than what you see it was almost like more like a podcast

than a show it was it was pretty cool and the one thing I did like was when Ferguson was on. Oh, yeah. We got along immediately really well. So the second time I came on, he literally took the card and put it in front of me and ripped it. Oh, I like that.

And then he just started talking. And what you found out in those conversations is much more interesting. Of course. I don't want to sit there and go, you know, and I was in the movie with two weasels and it was really, it's going to be spectacular. And I love the weasels. Fuck you. We were talking about living in the East Village, then got down to the specific bar we would go to, then realized we were both at the same fucking bar at the same fucking time.

Wow. And he was raging. This is when he had really made the switch. He wasn't going to drink anymore. This is when I said I was going into high gear. And so we were at the same bar. And to sit there and discover that we're in the same neighborhood at the same time. Unbelievable.

And drinking at the same bar and didn't see each other because that's how fucking drunk we are wow you can't beat that no no yeah we met at epstein's so yeah coincidence but yeah that's the way to do it real conversation and that's why tv is kind of feels like it's fizzling out a little bit. But you were on like a golden age. Like that Daily Show lineup you were on is epic. I mean, that was like, it was you, Carell, Colbert. Colbert, yeah. Oh my God. Who else was on it? Was that Helms on that one too?

Helms came on later. Wow. After Carell left. Was the Tell on when you were there? Huh? Was David Tell on when you were there? David Tell, everyone. Because they were all, because I was on from the very, I was on from the first week.

Wow. I'm the longest, I'm the Andy Bruni of that. Yeah. Just in terms of longevity, I just, I just, you know,

and I went to everybody. I mean, being there with, and when Carell and Colbert and me. Oh, Beth. Remember Beth? Beth Littleford. Yeah.

She was, yep, she was our Wyatt. I was terrific. Oh, Beth. Remember Beth? Beth Littleford. Yeah. She was our Wyatt. I was terrific. Jason. Carell and Colbert was in Asif. He was terrific. Vance DeGeneres, who then ended up

having to work with, he ended up working with his sister again. Oh, fun. A. Whitney Brown was, at the time, really something. Uh-huh. He's somebody who was really one of those guys who came on, and then he kind of disappeared after that. Yeah. He's very, Hassan, yeah, it was a great group of, but Colbert and Carell.

Unreal. signing yeah it was it was a great it's a great group book but colbert and corral and i was i mean going i would be there i'd be there about once every two weeks and then uh and i and you just watched the two of them and it was like it was like are you kidding me they're brilliant yeah that that was brilliant and that was central and that was before they were considered brilliant right right yeah they had to earn it. Yeah. Yeah, you had that. You had South Park. Comedy Central was really humming back then. I mean, they still have South Park, and they still have The Daily Show.

What? But these other shows, they're supporting it, too. I mean, I remember Root of All Evil, the show you hosted. Oh, yeah. I love, because we were big Greg Giraldo fans. Oh, yeah. That cast of comics we had on that show is geraldo patton oswald kathleen madigan wow um paul f tompkins yeah it was just a great group of comics

and uh you'll love this story this is perfect this is this this will help you when you're sitting in los angeles wondering who you're going to find to hold the sword that you can run against. So they call. We had done basically two seasons, and we had finally figured out the show. And I had figured out that I was never going in the writer's room again and made a speech about it and said, it's going to be best for me and best for you. You guys are really great. We're not going to be, as far as I'm concerned, bringing in comics.

You talk to them from the beginning and punch up their stuff. This is not brain surgery. I'm tired of fucking nitpicking about this shit. Everything you write, they will get a laugh. These are the best fucking comics you can find. Andy Kindler. Yes. You know, we had a spectacular group it's like

there's no need for this so we we um so we had every we finally had figured out how to do it because the the the setup was kind of odd the way in which we were we were trying to do this it's debating two things it was there was an odd something that we had to figure out in terms of the math of it the math of the comedy of it. And we'd done it. Yeah. And then we get a call from Comedy Central going, you know, we really want to do another season with you, but could you come back in and pitch it again? We've done two seasons.

It's like when the Yankees tried to make joe tory like take a pay cut mid-contract remember that yeah that's insane yeah so we i just said i'm not doing it and then my two other producers well aren't you i said you go in and talk i'm not doing it i'm not going in there i will not that's so disrespectful disgusting yeah we've been on for two seasons they put us on in the summer and i said that was mistake that's why the the numbers sucked well they sucked because it was the summer and the people watching it were the kids who were in college who they would get around

and they'd go fuck with that we were the show to watch on that night you fucking morons so it's not like we were like Wednesday or Thursday we were on I don't think on a Friday or a Saturday it was like a perfect shot we have to go on again.

The numbers will go up. There's no need. And I said, no. You fucking assholes. You're going to fuck me. Yeah. And I'm not going to let you fuck me. Good for you because I would have just been like, all right, I guess we have to pitch this again.

I couldn't have pitched it again. Wow. I literally, by about the fourth time they were, by the second, third week they were giving notes, I just told the other two producers, who were really good, I said, I can't listen to them. I can't listen to their notes. I'm not going to be here.

I said, it's just. It's crazy. You expect, if you're on cable, to not get those notes. Yeah. Especially after, you know, HBO had established the fact that you might want to let your creatives do it and figure it out. Yeah, especially after, you know, HBO had established the fact that you might want to let your creatives do it and figure it out. Yeah, exactly. Well, that'll never be a not a thing. You know, which is why, you know, you guys, here's what you guys really need is a director.

Yeah. Seems like nothing great creatively comes from committee, you know, let alone suits in a boardroom. The smaller the group, the better it is. Mob is when it gets fucking bad. Yep, that's true. Every hang is better. This is perfect. We add another person, it's going to get worse.

Yeah. Maybe four is okay, but once you get bigger than four. Once you get bigger than four, that was generally the case. I mean, that was the thing with Tough Crowd, another good show. Yeah, classic. Bill Byrne, there'd be four or five of us on that. That was generally the case. I mean, that was the thing with Tough Crowd. Another good show. Yeah. Classic. Bill Byrne. There'd be four or five of us on that.

You know, and their regular group. But having Geraldo on that show was spectacular. Oh, yeah. There was just nobody like him. No. Smart and biting. He did his homework. Always prepared. just nobody like him no smart and biting he did his homework always prepared and also the the

master of coming up with the substitutes for dirty words it was oh really he was brilliant interesting he was insane yeah oh i mean literally they would say you you can't say queef well all right i'm out well all right i'm out that's where i draw the line you can't say this and so he would go he would go back and two days later he'd come up with some fucking other particular vaginal fart yeah that's good sometimes that makes it a better joke yeah that was really vag whoosh yeah yeah tough crowd with greg was like yeah when he got cooking man i mean everyone talks about that dennis leary moment i mean it was like the ultimate like comic versus like kind of celeb yeah and i was like oh man it's like justice for all and not just comics but like the guy who's

like thinks he's too cool for school yeah and then the guy who actually is cool and doesn't have to fucking act cool. Exactly. Because he just is. Yeah. He's literally wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket. Come on. In front of comics. It's like, you need to hang out with more comics.

Yeah. Because they'll fucking crucify you for that shit. You show up to the comedy cellar with the slightest fashion risk. Oh. I know that Keith Robinson's going to be like, oh, look at what we have here. I'm like, oh, fuck. I thought I could pull off a jean jacket. I fucked up.

I still have that at the Gap. I'm trying something on, and I'm like, I just can't. I picture people shooting on it, and I take it right off. Rachel Feinstein showed up one night in a blazer, and he's like, oh, the assistant DA is here. Yeah, you have court today. Yeah, there's a picture day. Oh, yeah.

I got a convertible. I ran out of car last weekend, and they upgraded me to a convertible. Couldn't put the top down. I just couldn't do it. I was like, ah, I can't put the top down. I'm too vulnerable. I'm not a cool guy. So, yeah, left it up.

I started wearing, I made the fashion choice to wear, not in New York, but a bit in New York even early on but really on the road I started wearing suits a coat and a tie and generally the tie was kind of the way it is on the Daily Show I really would not the tie that was a thing that I always believed in you don't bring it up

it's like you to me it was the way I wore it when I was working in a government office Right, it was the one it was the way in which I could wear that I had to wear a tie And it had to be knotted, but I wouldn't fuck you. I'm not taking it So I but I would wear that I would try to look nicer than anybody in the room Because I knew it might shut them the up because they'd be stuck trying to figure out where he's saying this but where did he get that hi

how do you get those clothes right saying that crap so in a sense it was like uh yeah you see i'm doing okay you right right. Right. I'm a professional. And also, and I initially would talk about it, I'd say, you know, you wear a coat and tie, you can say anything you fucking want. And that's why you listen to these assholes who come on TV who are like your senator and shit. Because they're wearing a tie. That's why I'm wearing a tie. It's very smart. I mean, it really is.

But it is, I mean, the dry cleaning, which has drive me crazy. Oh, yeah, but that's, it's a small price to pay. And you don't have to think about what you're wearing. Just throw the suit on and move on with your life. A suit does look badass on stage. It does. Yeah, and it was really, the biggest pain in the ass was never dry cleaning. It was dragging those fucking things around. Because you wanted to, you had to have at least a couple of sport coats.

God damn it. But a suit is nice, but a wrinkly suit is worse than a t-shirt. Yes. It brings you all the way down. Yeah. Yeah, you look like you're one of the losers in Glen Gary Glen Ross. Coffees for closers. So I just re-watched that movie over the summer.

It's a fucking incredible movie. It's a great movie. So good. Mamet. Yeah. He's an asshole, It's a great movie. So good. Mamet. Yeah. He's an asshole, but. Do you know him? I was, I wrote plays.

I know. It was in Yale, right? Yeah, drama school. Yeah. Whoa. I call it drama school. So you knew him a little bit. He was a tutor there, a mentor.

Oh, wow. He was not a mentor, but he was hired to... They had four playwrights that they brought in that were basically to work with the playwrights at the school, and one of them was David Mamet. And he was just an asshole. Yeah. And he was my age.

So it was really, it was like like you're sending in a guy my age to tell me and he would say to us this is you know you know in order to and he was right but you know you don't tell us this we're really there to kind of learn how to write so you know in order to get your work done you need to spend at least two thousand dollars a year sending out your scripts jesus and that's where we're fucking broke. Yeah. It costs us a fucking fortune to come to this fucking place. Where were you supposed to put the money together?

Yeah. And then he would quote Russian. Oh, boy. And so my girlfriend at the time said, do you speak Russian? And he goes, no. She goes, well, you're an ass. Yeah. Damn. He was kind of a dick and it was uh it was this very kind there was an arrogance to him dealing with us here's your reading list well we don't have to read the books okay it was kind of like my friend he wanted to

read you're gonna go Boleslavsky you heard of Boleslavsky yeah Stanislavsky he's in the same school as Stanislavsky okay Boleslavsky

you know books on acting yeah you know oh that's like a method right yeah yeah right you know it's the it's a way in which to go at it

and I can't remember what Boleslavsky it was so fucking I was so angry that it was on the reading list and my friend my other friend tore the reading list up in his face it was like wow we were really pissed yeah you know it was just and the other guys were pretty you know i'm gonna read you stuff he read his stuff right we're supposed to read our stuff he's reading his stuff

to us that's all i gotta say that really cuts to the chase. Edit those other two. Who was cool? Like, did any big playwrights come in that were really cool? Nobody that you would know. Arthur Coppett, who you wouldn't know, but who wrote some really great. Oh, Dad, poor Dad. Mama's hung in the closet, and I'm feeling so sad. Tidal Alone, great.

Yeah, sure. And then there's the other guys other guys i don't think you babaletti you wouldn't know you wouldn't know the some of the others they were really uh robert penn warren was there the one who wrote all the king's men but not to teach playwriting but he was so old it was just you're going god robert penn warren this will be great yeah one of my great books one of the greatest books. And you went to that first kind of seminar he's teaching. You're going, oh, boy, I'm not going to last 10 minutes.

What's he saying? I mean, he's really genius, but you really had to care a lot more than I did. Yeah, well, isn't comedy so much more fun than playwriting? Oh, yeah. You know what's funny? Comedy is tough. Playwriting is tougher. Oh, really?

Yeah. Well, the isolation's got to be tough, right? Everything about it. I mean, think about it. We create our own realities up there. It just us and we can you know we're and there's a certain bit of uh you know you learn there's a certain bit of like not magic magic but there's a certain bit of to the thing that you once you kind of that you could live on certain comics do oh yeah but at least what you're you know the the tools you turn to to save your

ass yeah but playwriting jesus you know because if you think they come after you as a comic you you write something then really oh you're you know imagine you know you go there you write something and then it ends up they write about in the new york times and say that you're a piece of wow you know but it's a play. It's fiction. Yeah, but they don't care. That crowd is more easily offended than the comedy club. Who do you think is going to get more easily offended?

A writer for the New Yorker or some guy at a strip mall in Missouri? You know? Yeah. But you devoted three years of your life to something, and they come in and say, you know, it didn't work. Right. That's the other. It's not just, you know, they don't let, you know, it's one thing to go into a club and they don't laugh.

It's another thing that somebody writes down, everybody hated you. Right. I had a... Everybody hated you is a good title. Yeah, that's true. My favorite was I got a review in something called New West, My favorite was I got a review in something called New West, which was the New York magazine of the west coast of California. So New West had this thing where they they wanted to they reviewed a play of mine. And it was it was not a good production at all.

There were real problems with it. And I like try to get early early on tried to get one of the actors just fired because it was going to kill the play it was the center of the play it was good i needed uh i needed broderick crawford in the part i needed some mean heavy and i got like you know some the guy was wanted to be liked right like no i can't you can't stand on stage with a rifle in your hand doing stuff and talking about you know being nice about you i need you to blow people up so so the thing didn't it just didn't work but the review i got was is that it began with um first let it be noted

that none of lewis black's plays should ever be produced in the state of california wow kicked out of the state kicked out of the state jesus and that was and and by that point i'd been through enough stuff that i could handle it a bit but it but and one of the reasons i can handle those that i must be if i got this guy so upset, I'm doing something right. Yeah, that's true. You know, and that he didn't. And it was the one thing about, plus you got people. It's the same thing if you're going in to pitch a project.

And you got somebody sitting across from the table from you that has never done what you do. Yeah. And that's what you're dealing with a lot of the times with these critics who also, they don't, if they know anything about, they should be able to separate the acting from the writing from the directing. That's what their job is,

but they never fucking know. They'll never know it like we know it. Yeah. But what a psycho to write that down and publish it. That's insane behavior.

What's the name of the guy in The Sweet Smell of Success? Every critic still thinks they're that fucking guy yeah they still think like i'll destroy you in my column and you're like it's 2022 dude yeah right you don't have the pull you thought you had yes and now i can find you you know it is amazing to live just fuck that guy that's like so harsh i hate this guy they can hide behind their little pen and their magazine and their newspaper

and now I'm going right on Facebook and Zillow and on GPS. And I did a show with Mark Lynn Baker at the Public Theater that both of us, the audience went nuts every night. It was a short show, it was 55 minutes. And it's one of those shows I described as

you're home for three hours before you realize you didn't like it because it's so short we didn't take up your time and you're in the bar you're in the bar by nine yes best show ever that's great and is theater dead not dead but now it's all mamma mia well broadway's in trouble because of covid i mean there's there's some real there's stuff it, COVID. Yeah. Broadway's got problems. There's some real, there's stuff, it's like stand-up. There's some really great stuff. Sure. That's fomenting, it's over here, and then there's some just, you know, we're going to

be dealing with that other stuff. Phantom is finally finished. Uh-huh. And Dear Evan Hansen, which was kind of shocking because that was a hit. That was like the hottest ticket in town a couple years ago, and now it's just dead. But if you go to Strange Loop, it's unbelievable. I'm going to just say it.

It is un-fucking-lievable. Okay. Strange Loop. It's a musical. Is that your rec? That's a good rec. Good rec. I mean, it is.

It's one of these things that it got. I think it won the Tony. Really? Yeah. He think it won the Tony. Oh. Yeah. He got it for best. I think the way Hamilton is great and it's really remarkable. This one is also that good. But it's good in the sense of this guy gets so much off of his chest.

The two of you, I think, will go nuts. I think you'll get a kick out of it because he just, he really goes after like, you know, this thing where we go through our careers and get the shit kicked out of us. And he goes through every moment of it and does some of it musically. Right. And his parents really are, and he's, really are and he's you know he's gay and he's he's overweight and it brings in all his problems but it's done really blisteringly funny is not it's unbelievable oh wow all right all right it's really it's it's i it's one of the

few things that i've said to people uh you know go to it and they've they've liked it and yeah and and if and if you're in it and all right let's get something straight right now those of you are listening if this is the kind of thing you're gonna go yeah you mean it upset me if you get upset about shit you don't go yeah i don't want to go anywhere. Yeah. Stay home. Close the blinds. Yeah, really. Turn your phone off. End it. Run into a sword. Yeah. And I normally do not push anything, but that's well worth the time and energy and effort. All right. I love it.

Wait, wait. I'll stop. Go back down. I just want to read that up a little. Right there. Strange Loop is the big, black, and queer-ass great American musical for all. That's a hell of a review. This guy did not write your review.

Let's do it. No, he didn't. But it is worth it. And he is really funny. All right. And relentless. Oh, good. It's one of those things you go, it's that thing where you kind of go where somebody does five toppers,

and he does like 12 toppers in a song. You go, God, he's got to stop now. Yeah. And you're really laughing, and he doesn't stop. And it's partly because it's so bitter, and I think you guys enjoy that. Yes. Hell yeah.

It's really something. I want to feel something. All right, bring it on. Lewis, do you have any pet peeves? Everything. Is there something I'm supposed to like see I like this musical cuz this guy is so fucking angry can't see straight I got a lot of things that bother me I if they don't stop taking this fucking and it's everybody and it bothers everybody and it just has got to

stop you put you pay for somebody to be on the phone and answer the phone and direct you to who to talk to now oh yeah you don't have a machine that goes what is your problem is it a fuck you my problem isn't a b or c my problem isn't is it is, or C. My problem isn't, is it something technical? Yes. Explain it in just a few words. I can't explain it. That's the worst. You fucking asshole.

Yeah, because press one, at least we're getting somewhere. This is now very vague where I'm just speaking. I always curse into it, too, and I wonder if cursing, they have some robot sensor that pushes you further back on hold. Oh, maybe. They can be like, this guy sucks, put them back. I've had that paranoia, but I don't care anymore. Yeah.

I'd rather be back there. Because what I find is if I continue to yell, eventually it goes. It kind of can't deal with you and it sends you to somebody. Squeaky wheel. Yeah. Because the zero doesn't work. No, that used to be the move.

The operator, the zero, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yeah, that was the work no that used to be the operator the zero boom boom boom boom yeah that used to be the move yeah they got hip to that i always wonder if a celebrity has ever called in to yell at customer service like a musician and then their song comes on when they're on hold yeah i've always wanted that's gotta have happened at some point i don't think i don't think springsteen's doing his own customer service. You don't think Stevie Nicks is on the phone with Orbitz? All right. Yeah, that drives me nuts.

There's a lot that really makes me crazy. That's a good one. It's gotten to the point with a lot of things where it's kind of like stupid makes me. Comment. There ought to be, and it has to be done uh this uh you we whether we like it or not and i know this is a stupid thing but it's true my you have to teach civics whether anybody likes it or not you have to actually teach did you ever have to take civics i did yeah did you no see yeah and that explains a lot of your work lewis black everybody thank you is is there uh i i want to ask uh well first off is there anything

you want to plug is there anything like tour dates you got indiana coming up i've got uh yeah i've got if you go to lewisblack.com it can tell tell you more, but I'll be in. This week, it's Warren and Dayton and Carmel, Indiana, Fort Wayne, Indiana. Then we go to Albuquerque and Tucson. And then we go to Phoenix, and then we're coming into Riverside. Fuck you, closed. And then it's San Luis Obispo. Very nice. It's one of the few places it's San Luis Obispo. Very nice. It's one of the few places they didn't allow you to smoke outside early on.

Wow. God, did that enrage me. Talk about being a peeve. And then San Francisco and Palm Desert, 3,000 degrees. San Diego, Los Angeles, Eugene. All right. You are out there. Yeah.

I'm going to be doing that. I don't get back until... And then the other thing I'd like to plug, which is, do you guys like... Did you ever read Vonnegut? Yeah, of course. Well, you wonder. I mean, you know, but most people do. But it seems to be as nuts as you do.

But most people do. Yeah. But there's a Vonnegut Museum now and library in Indianapolis, Indiana. Oh, nice. And due to circumstances that seem to be problematic for them, I'm there, the chairman of the board of their... No way. Yeah, I am.

That's amazing. That is really cool. It is. I said, are you sure? Yes. Yes, we're sure. Are you really sure? Yes, we really want...

Look, I'm just telling you, you have to sign something, since I don't know what I'm doing, that I can't go to jail. Because I really don't know what's up. But it was mainly to help them fundraise and it's I said if you really think I can attract money great because it's it's a great if you're ever out here when you're out there working it's great I'm down it's a really good it's got it like the stuff that he uh wrote it's all sorts of things that um really are interesting and uh there's a letter that's worth seeing just from the standpoint there's a letter sitting there that he wrote to his father

his father wrote to him either i think just before he went to war uh or during that time frame and vonnegut never opened it and in his will he said he wanted no one to open it and it just sits there. That's worth going to the museum for. Wow. Because you never walk out of the museum thinking, what the fuck was that? You know? And there's some really great stuff there.

And they do some great work. It's banned book. It's now banned books. Is it downtown Indianapolis? It's downtown Indianapolis? Yeah. Wow. All right.

And it's banned books week. And Slaughterhouse-Five has been banned in a ton of places recently. Really? Crazy. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. By the way, whenever you say a book is banned, that is reason to read it. Yeah, exactly. Like when they said you can't read Mouse.

Oh, yeah. You can't read about the fucking Holocaust? Yeah, I know. That is like, that's a level away from Holocaust denial. There's a nude cartoon. Yeah, a nude fucking mouse. Maybe it wasn't a mouse. Was it a mouse?

Yeah, I think it was a mouse. It was a naked mouse. Some people just don't like fiction. But it's well worth, but it really is unbelievable. I'll definitely check it out next time. Now, finally, I won't be dreading Indianapolis as much. No, it's well worth, no, it's worth the, and if you go, let me know, because, you know. He's got balls. I've got some suck there, man.

I can get you two free lattes. By the way, we're drinking coconut. We didn't even say we're drinking this week. Coconut milk latte. Never had it. Pretty good. It's not bad. It's not bad. I just wanted even say what we're drinking this week. Coconut milk latte. Never had it. Pretty good. It's not bad. It's not bad.

I just wanted it because I drink wine normally, and I can't drink in the afternoons. Oh, that Epstein wine. Yeah, phenomenal. Next time we'll get you some really good wine. We'll do this at night. We'll make it a night out. If we do it at night, I'll do it. And the other thing I wanted to say before I left was that I don't know if you knew that the thing we were going to talk about at the beginning, that I got these emails.

We did a new T-shirt. Oh, I did hear about this. Comedy. Yes, yes. And there's the T-shirt. Yeah, I got a similar T-shirt. And yours has an exclamation point. Yeah, yeah.

Mine's more fun. It is. Comedy. It is. And mine's more dry, fuck you. And the E is actually turned around the other way. I don't know why it's presented like that. Oh, okay.

And I wanted you to know, because I got these three emails about it. I mean, three tweets about it. And one guy had said, you fucking old man, fuck, you steal this guy. You've got nothing left but to steal some really brilliant young comics. Fucking T-shirt idea. And I just wanted you to know we would not have thought of it. No. It's great lines.

And I'm sorry I wrote that to you. And I really feel badly. And I'll get you two of those. We should wear those. We'll swap. Yeah, we'll swap. I love it. We really should, because then I'd wear yours.

Because it's really ludicrous. But we're going to stop selling it online. Oh, good. And yours are five cents cheaper than mine, you son of a bitch. Damn. Remember that Tom Green sketch where he would follow around undercutters pizza? Yeah, yeah. A guy would be, he'd follow a pizza delivery guy around with his own pizza,

and he would try to undercut, and he'd say, what toppings do you have? He'd pull out all the toppings, and he would just charge like five bucks less. That's a great gag. I also have queef. Nice. And there's comedy, yeah. I almost sold the against baby ratio. I didn't know you had it in black and white, too.

Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Sorry to tell you. Demetri Martin wore comedy on his special with no exclamation and no period. So we're all in the same ballpark. Who did? Demetri Martin. Has comedy on his?

Yeah, but he just wore it on a special. It's not his merch, I don't think. I bet it is. That son of a bitch. I know him, too too he's always like that sneaking around yeah he's a slippery one that greek he was also on he was oh that's right that's right you got to get him on here yeah you should he's terrific big fan he's coming on oh great yeah he's great he is really really good but but we're gonna stop selling it because I felt badly about it. No, you can sell it.

Are you sure? I don't want to. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you got the period. I got the exclamation. We're different. Okay. I feel like it is.

I feel like, and I think we approach the whole bullshit differently. Yeah, yeah. I hawk mine after the show personally. Do you? No, I actually, we have not been selling stuff we're gonna start again well let's just i'll start all right well i'll get you one of these please i have a shirt i'm thinking of selling i'm worried people aren't gonna wear it it's the again i've i have a joke in my special about how people wear shirts to say like fuck racism and i'm just like all right

like do we have to wear obvious beliefs on the shirt? So the joke is basically like, I'm going to wear a shirt that says against baby rape. And people are like, why are you wearing that? And I say, are you for baby rape? So I want to make a shirt. Do we have a picture of it, Matt? Because now people are just selling it. Now people are making money off my idea because I posted a graphic of it saying, should I sell this? And now I'm getting people sending me, other people are selling your idea.

Look, see, I say I'm against baby rape. You've got to get on that. No are selling your idea. Look, see, a Sam against baby rape. You got to get on that. No. Can you pull it up? Yeah, look at that. Hey. That's my graphic. And they're making money off it.

That's great. Would people wear that? I would wear that. You'd wear an against baby rape sale? Hell yeah. Look, if it's there, they'll wear it. My mom saw it. It's also the picture is what makes it.

Yeah, it's good art. My mom saw it, and she said, pictures what makes it. Yeah. My mom saw it and she said I'm so ashamed of you for this and I was just I think I'm going to call my next tour

the jokes that upset my mother tour. And that upset her. I told that to her and that upset her and I was like I got to do it now. You got to do it.

But against baby rape that is you know it's a good cause. It's a cause I care about very deeply. Now elderly rape I'm for. Yeah, of course.

But, yeah. Or, yeah, you could put at the bottom, in case they were whining, a cause to care about. You fuck. Remember, that was a big thing on, like, a bumper sticker. I would say, like, if you have any comments, here's the number, 1-800-FUCK-YOU. That was a fun gag back in 88. You know, when you had no internet and you had to just stare at a bumper sticker for entertainment.

But hey, in the words of Kurt Vonnegut, make no mistake, we're all just here to fart around. Mark, where are you going to be, man? I'm all over the place. I don't know when this comes out. Probably the week after next, right? Royal Oak, great.

Yeah, I love royal oak yep music theater roxanne theater in pittsburgh orlando improv uh the anglert uh rococo and lincoln nebraska rococo's great oh really i played there a million years ago wow pantages in mini app perfect more and uh seattle just added revolution in portland uh nept Neptune in Seattle, The Vogue in Vancouver, martinroman.com doing the Wilbur, a lot of fun stuff. Omaha, Funny Bone, Stand Up Live, Lexington, Kentucky, New Brunswick, Oklahoma City, Springfield, Missouri, Fort Wayne, Indiana, Kansas City, Tacoma, Spokane, building up new material here. Watch the special on Netflix same time tomorrow.

And buy our whiskey. Yes. BodegaCatWhiskey.com. Is that your whiskey? It's ours. Yeah. Nice. Take a bottle, yeah.

Do you drink whiskey at all? Yeah. Oh, it's right. Take a bottle, yeah. It's good stuff. All right. Well, thanks, Lou. We love you.

Thanks for listening. You're the man. That was great, guys. That was fun. Thank you. All right. I had a great time. Sunday's the day for my next extender.

A bit of Pivarec, you know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. Did I get down in the same way? Up on the roof like a cop's coming. And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her

And I get down in the same way We might be drunk